Just told my boyfriend about my sneeze kink 🥲🥲😫😫 He took it surprisingly well and was super supportive 😫😫 I wanted to die inside but he thought it was the cutest thing ever and he said he'd send me videos whenever he felt like he needed to sneeze if I wanted 😫😫 I wanted to explode ngl 💀💀 Hahaha he's so amazing, W boyfriend 😂 I thought I was going to take this kink with me to my grave but God blessed me with a man that accepts me and my sneezekink 😫🙌 I might take him up on the offer with those sneeze videos later ngl 😫🥺😂
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it has taken me. literal years to figure out that outlook has a "mark all as read" button. i've had 738 unread emails. i had given up. now i have 0 unread emails. i am free.
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Lucy was relieved when they reached the lamp-post again.
"The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" - C. S. Lewis
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FINALLY. FUCKING FINALLY GOT MY LAPTOP FIXED. FUCK YEAH BAYBEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fic coming tonight :)
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Another pregnancy (question mark) post:
I’m cramping (lower abdominal) a lot on this flight back home. And ginger ale still tastes so fucking bad - basically like a completely new and disgusting drink. I’m so nauseated again. And extremely fatigued.
A part of me wonders if my period will come next week or not… and that I’m not pregnant after all. This all could be just a complicated hormone imbalance - who knows with my body - I just… haven’t felt like this before apart from the one time I was.
If my period came, I’d be both relieved and heartbroken all over again.
My thoughts *if* my period comes next week:
Relieved: like OMFG thank god. I don’t want to have a baby with someone who doesn’t want a baby. I don’t want to have a baby with someone who I don’t want to partner with. I don’t want to have a baby with someone who won’t and can’t put in the work to do what it takes for the baby. Like yes, I would have figured out what to do if I were pregnant with their child because I’d want my child to have the
knowledge of this life, including its struggles.
Heartbroken: I really want a baby and to carry it to term. And then parent for the rest of my life. I want a family so badly. It’s been a vision and dream since I was 13. I know I said I bonded with it but I’ve been bonding with my child for years now. I also know that with modern medicine that my age isn’t the biggest issue but it also kinda is - my eggs are older and I have PCOS. I also have that much more limited time to try. (Yes I’m going to try this upcoming year.)
Relieved: I can do this by myself or with a partner who wants this life with me. Fuck yes. I can actually have the time to plan - especially financially and geographically. And now that I’ve been taking more care with medication and nutrition, I’ll be so much better off trying to get pregnant.
Relieved: I want to co-birth and co-parent with my ideal nesting partner so badly but it’s going to either take time to culminate something like that with my existing relationships or to find a new relationship.
Heartbroken: I was so sure. Like intrinsically sure. And my partnership with someone who I really love is over because of it - but like it was truly a wake up call - I am so thankful for this pregnancy scare to bring me back to what I value. But still… fuck. I was so so sure - I felt my child with such a deep inner knowing (maybe they’re calling out to me? Trying to get me ready?).
Relieved: unplanned pregnancies are STRESSFUL AF. Like in whichever scenario. The rate at which things happen is so quick. Now that I’ve done some legwork, the next planned or unplanned pregnancy will be so much smoother.
Sigh.
Time will tell with all this, and I’m gonna keep my ultrasound appointment regardless. I’m trying to stay present and take care of my body, regardless. I had a lot of fun on vacation but I’ve been having some really hard times.
(Addendum - I suspect my last time I bled was implantation bleeding and I do have random bleeding/spotting anyway - so idk 🤷🏽♀️ is what I’m saying - like having another bleeding period 4-5 weeks after my last one would maybe indicate that it’s just a period)
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After years of suffering I finally got diagnosed with depression, putting a word on my pain feels very liberating.
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I am so so happy for my family doctor!
She never dismisses any of my problems and does proper testing. Full blood tests are coming and I can't be more relieved that somebody takes care of me.
After hearing stories from friends I realized that such a doctor is quite rare in the Netherlands.
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I JUST CLEANED MY WHOLE HOUSE
& this wouldn't be as much of an accomplishment but I've been so tired from work and school and then having time to spend with my boyfriend but we finally couldn't hang as much this weekend so I have accomplished what I've been trying to do for MONTHS I'm so proud of myself
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