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psychedelic-ink · 10 months

Text

𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐒𝐇

pairing: joel miller x webcam model!f!reader

genre: no outbreak AU, explicit smut, minors dni

word count: 9k

summary: Joel, only now starting to feel the impending sense of loneliness, decides to listen to Tommy and sign up on an online streaming service called Ravish.

warnings: joel is bi in this, sex toys, paddles, nipple clamps, pillow humping, self-spanking, female/male masturbation, piv, dirty talking, possesive!joel, cum eating, oral (female receiving), size kink

additional warning: alright so there is a short moment in this where reader smacks herself with a paddle that has a heart-shaped hole and gets a heart mark on her skin, I don't use any descriptions (like calling it red or pink etc) but I'm also not oblivious enough to think everyone would get a mark when getting spanked so I wanted to let you know in case that would put you off and wouldn't want to read and that's completely fine!

a/n: this definitely ended up being longer then it needed it to be bfgbfg I want to take the anon who requested this, and the rest of you who chimed in and voted on the polls. I hope you all enjoy 💜 oh, also a special thanks to @missredherring who gave the idea of a more in-depth reason as to why Joel likes honeysuckle flowers 👀

edit!!! this has more than one part now! click here for the masterlist

Joel was lonely.

He hadn’t really thought about it until Sarah went off to college.

Since the day she was born, he had one thing and one thing on his mind only—to give his little girl everything that he could and make her happy. The rest didn’t concern him. He didn’t really care about dating, he didn’t have the time to think about how lonely he was. He had been on a couple of dates, all of which were initiated by Sarah as she entered her teenage years, pleading with him to go out and have a life.

But now that she was gone, studying what she always wanted to study and being happy, the emptiness began to spread like a nasty infection. Every creak and groan of the house sounded like mockery to him. He started keeping the TV open all night, most of the time falling asleep, only to wake up in the middle of the night startled by sudden shouts from a randomly playing film or show. He hated it. This wasn’t how Joel imagined his golden years to be like.

Maybe that’s why he decided to use the damn website. Ravish. He’d heard it from Tommy first —which was an uncomfortable conversation as one could imagine— and after that, he kept on hearing the name.

Ravish

It was like a shitty pop song, stuck between his teeth like toffee, impossible to get rid of. The name made a home in his brain, making its presence known whenever he was doing anything, no matter how mundane the task was.

Ultimately, he gave in. What was the worst that could happen?

Joel groans. He stares at the screen with his brows drawn tightly together, the text cursor blinking as it waits for him to type out a username. It’s been almost ten minutes. A brief thought of asking Tommy passes through his mind but he quickly pushes the thought away and leans over the keyboard.

JMiller. That should be alright. He doesn’t need anything fancy, and J can be any name. It can be Jack, Jacob, Jonathan, John, Jeremy. There are a bunch. Besides, Miller is a pretty common last name, so if someone asks if he's JMiller, he can just deny it. Not that anyone would. Everyone would be too busy jerking off to pretty people. The last thought anyone would have would be of him.

He quickly decides on his password and he’s immediately overwhelmed. There are too many things happening at once. His eyes widen, heart beating a bit too fast as he moves his mouse around. In the corner, there’s a little pop-up begging for his attention, and on the screen, there are multiple thumbnails of women and men. When he drags his mouse over a thumbnail it starts moving and he jumps.

“Holy hell,” he mutters. “I’m in way over my head.”

Joel gets up to pour himself a glass of whiskey. After that, he sits on the couch again and takes three deep breaths. The ice clicks together as he takes a swig, the amber liquid pleasantly burning as it goes down his throat. He looks around some more, looking for the profiles that pique his interest the most.

While he scrolls, he sees one of a man with the username NicolasCageFreak, which he finds odd, but the man is pleasing to the eye with soft brown curls and natural honey highlights in between. The man has a small bullet vibrator pressed against his hard length, a cock ring at the base of it. Joel presses like and saves it for later.

Joel has to remind himself a couple of times that the people who stream can’t actually see him. The more he scrolls the more relaxed he feels. There’s a woman with pretty green eyes he saves for later and another man with the username CammingBravo. He has his face hidden, Joel can see the red ribbon circling the back of his head as he bends over, granting the viewers a delicious sight of his ass that has a shiny buttplug.

Liked! Added to your queue for later.

Until now Joel was fairly certain he was straight, sometimes he’d get the occasional same-sex dream but he figured everyone did at some point in their lives. He’s not so sure anymore.

Some more scrolling and Joel starts getting restless. His cock strains against his sweatpants, aching for his rough touch. He takes a deep breath. The next live stream he sees that he likes he’ll click and that will be that. He’s starting to get worked up and, unlike NicolasCageFreak, he’s not a fan of edging himself.

Then he sees her. A woman wearing a delicate chain vest with rhinestones that sparkle whenever she moves. His eyes flit to the username; Honeysuckle. He loves that flower, he has many memories of picking them with Tommy and sucking the sweet nectar hidden inside. He wonders if she tastes just as sweet.

Not one to break a promise to himself, Joel clicks on the thumbnail. His eyes are instantly drawn to the live chat. There are so many people asking her to do something all at once—Jesus Christ. There are also a couple of them just chatting as if they were friends with her. He sees that everyone calls her Honey, which is fitting and a bit on the nose, he thinks.

Noticing that he has the stream muted, Joel unmutes it, a pleasant tingle running down his spine as soon as her voice comes through the speakers of his laptop.

“Wow, Eric47 I’m so happy you got that promotion!”

“Don’t worry everyone, I’ve been thinking naughty thoughts all day and I’m ready to put on a show.”

“Patience everyone.”

“Thank you for buying a private chat, SarahBelieves! I can’t wait to be your good girl. . .”

Joel is too focused on her tone, the smooth lilt of her voice, to hear the words she’s saying. The only thing his ears pick up on is the words private and chat. He wasn’t aware you could buy some extra time with the streamers. He loves that—

He shakes his head. Loves? Is he already planning on paying? At the thought, his cock twitches with interest, his reserve quickly crumbling to the floor.

Joel decides to focus on the stream first. He can decide later on if he wants a private session or not. He cups himself through the soft fabric of his sweatpants, groaning as a spike of relief shoots through him. His eyes are glued to the screen. Honey’s hard nipples poke through the chains, her hands delicately kneading the tender mounds as she rises slightly by lifting herself onto her knees. She’s on a bed, wearing black panties and a matching garter. Joel’s mouth waters. The things he would do to her. . .

His tongue pokes from between his lips, soft tendon moving with muscle memory as he thinks of eating her sweet cunt out.

“Today my sweet bees,” she addresses them. “I was thinking of fucking myself with the biggest dildo I’ve got, how does that sound?”

Joel’s eyes drift to the chat. Everyone seems to be cheering and asking her to show them how much she can take. There’s also a bunch of them calling her their favorite size queen. She chuckles.

“I love all dicks, in any shape or form,” she purrs. “I’m just in the mood for a bit of pain.”

Pain. That captures Joel’s attention. It makes him curious about all the other things she might be into. Perhaps she enjoys getting spanked, or she would enjoy the feeling of someone dragging their nails down her pretty back. He wants to know. He wants his imaginary scenarios to be as accurate as possible.

He’s about to pull out his cock when he hears her voice again.

“I do have one question though,” she says innocently. “Should I keep these pretty black panties on or off?” she grins into the camera, her eyes shining with mirth. “Let’s see those answers, my bees.”

What do you want? Joel wants to ask. But this isn’t that kind of scenario so he thinks. The answers come flying in, there’s a fifty-fifty ratio. Joel’s mind blanks for a moment, the corners of his lips twitching. He wants her to keep them on. He likes the idea of her sliding them to the side and fucking herself deep, it feels more animalistic, more raw. He enjoys the idea of claiming someone, a curiosity he hasn’t yet fully explored yet.

He types exactly that. His wording and grammar a bit too neat compared to the rest, but he gives Honey his answer. He wants her to keep it on. Maybe play with herself some more until the fabric is basically see-through, then she can fuck herself with the biggest cock she’s got.

Joel watches intently as her eyes go over the live chat, there are so many answers coming in, he doubts she’ll see his comment. Still, he likes to believe she’ll see it.

Honey’s eyes still briefly, hunger swirling in them as a canine sinks into her bottom lip. Her smile is bashful and shy, much different than the character she’s playing. Her eyes move back to the camera. Joel watches her breasts as her chest heaves, nipples grazing against the cool metal.

“Well, well, JMiller. . . you certainly have a mouth on you,” she tuts and Joel’s eyes go wide. The satisfaction he feels leads to goosebumps coursing over his burning skin, being noticed. . . it’s surprisingly thrilling. “Are you new? I haven’t seen your handle before.”

Joel swallows, his hands shaking as he types in a quick “yea”, Honey smiles, “Welcome to the hive then, baby. Keep the comments up,” she sighs, cupping both her tits. “I love a man who knows how to dirty talk.”

A knot forms in his throat, his skin tight. He wasn’t expecting to be this affected. Now he understands why so many people enjoy live streams. They don’t see you, not actually, but still, it almost fills the void. Almost. He’s excited now, eager to type in more of his thoughts, eager to hear her answer him. Joel pulls out his cock, the waistband of his sweats hugging his thighs. He gives himself a firm tug, his spine straightening at the burn gathering in his lower stomach. It feels fucking good.

“Since it’s J’s first time, and because he got me all hot and bothered, why not leave the panties on for this time?” Honey says. Joel observes the chat, there are a lot of congratulatory messages addressed to him, welcoming him. He doesn’t care. “You want to see these panties soaked, huh? You guys know how much I love making a mess.”

Honey shimmies back, revealing more of her bare legs. She spreads them for the camera, the soft sound of delicate metal filling the air whenever she moves. Her fingers start to move lazily over her clothed clit, her head falls. Joel can see a subtle dark patch growing, his own hand starting to move slowly up and down his throbbing cock. A drop of precum dribbles down, easing the glide of his rough palm. She doesn’t look at the chat as frequently as she did before, too focused on her pleasure. Her glossy lips part and her eyes scrunch up. Her moans are loud and breathy, signs that she lives alone.

Joel doesn’t think as he fists himself. Normally when watching porn he would think; he would think of a scenario, or what he would be doing differently, or the things he would want to do. This is different. He’s just watching, inhaling what’s being given to him. He sucks a sharp breath, his hand moving faster, the side of his fist smacking against his pelvis, dark curls damp under his palm.

“Fuck,” Honey moans, eyes peering toward the screen. Her fingers move faster, her hips grinding to meet the graze of her palm. Joel groans, his eyes rolling back into his skull. “I think I’m going to come,” he breathes out. “Should I?”

Joel doesn’t bother with typing until he hears his alias.

“JMiller, since you’re new the decision is yours. Should I? P-Please answer,” she sounds desperate, her hips rutting the air as she presses her fingers hard against her clit. “O-Or do you want me to come on your cock?”

Joel’s hips stutter, filling the tightness of his fist, “Fuckin’ hell.”

With sticky fingers he types his answer, telling her that she should come with his cock deep inside her. Joel also adds that he wants to hear her, telling her to be loud.

“O-Okay,” she whines, almost tearful as she reaches to grab her dildo off-screen. Joel can’t help the grin that makes its way across his face. He types again, telling her not to cry and that she’ll be coming soon enough. When he presses enter, he notices that his name is highlighted in dark orange. “You’re kind of an asshole,” she answers playfully. “I like that.”

You're the buzzing heartbeat of Honeysuckle’s live stream! You are picked by the streamer as the treasured Drone Bee, your unwavering loyalty and vibrant energy create an electrifying atmosphere. Your presence is a key ingredient in making the honey even sweeter!

A growl echoes in his throat when Honey shows the camera the dildo she had picked out. She wasn’t kidding when she said it was her biggest. It’s bigger than his own dick, and Joel is by no means a small man. He squeezes his cock and looks down, with a sudden need growing in his chest, he purses his lips and lets a long trail of saliva drip between his lips. He shudders when it reaches the head of his cock. He swipes his palm over it and continues to stroke himself, he wants to come.

He wants them to come at the same time.

Honey pushes the dildo in slowly, giving her viewers a clear sight of what’s happening. The toy stretches her wide, the ache of it pulling a gasp from her pretty lips. Joel breathes heavily, his nostrils flaring as his hand speeds up.

Oh, how he would love to be the one fucking slowly into her, to hear those little gasps coming from her in person rather than his shitty speakers. He holds his breath. It’s buried fully inside of her now. She slowly looks down, her eyes looking directly into the camera.

“I hope the view down there is good,” she says with a smirk. Joel doesn’t type anything. He focuses on the way his cock drools for her, aches to be buried in her cunt. Honey pulls out the toy until it’s only the tip that’s inside and then shoves it all in one smooth thrust. She cries out, her voice unfiltered. Joel’s stomach jumps at the sound, his pupils dilating like a wolf seeing its prey for the first time.

She fucks herself hard, whimpering and crying out every time she fuck herself deep. Joel sees the way the plastic surface shines with her slick, he bets she tastes fucking sweet.

He knows she’s close when her thighs begin to shake—he also knows thanks to the live chat going completely berserk, cheering her on and telling her to squirt. Joel, despite her own release close enough that he can taste it, rolls his eyes.

“This one is for you JMiller,” she whimpers and Joel’s eyes go wide, his cock pulsing in his wet fist. “Hope you’re gonna fall down the edge with me, big guy.”

Joel doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until she’s coming—she does so with a loud moan, her cunt fluttering around the large cock. Her head falls back completely, giving a clear view of her heaving chest, nipples fully erect under the see-through armor.

His fall from grace is less pretty. He lets out a grunt, his hips fucking into his hand helplessly as come spurts from the slit, it’s almost painful. His heart beats aggressively while he tries hard to keep his focus on the screen, he doesn’t want to miss anything. Joel makes a mess of himself and his surroundings, the rug underneath his socked feet stained with his release.

Joel’s cock stops throbbing and with a pleased sigh, his shoulders drop.

“That felt fuckin’ goood,” he groans, staring blankly at the ongoing live stream. Vaguely he notices Honey pulling the toy out, an equally fucked out expression on her face. The live chat is still going wild, he manages to lean over and type in one last sentence before going offline.

Good girl.

Joel is a weak weak man.

Watching Honey quickly became a routine for him. She would start streaming around the same time he would come back from work and it was the perfect way to let off some steam. Tommy had asked if he checked out Ravish, to which Joel promptly said no. He didn’t need his baby brother making fun of him.

Besides, some primal part of him didn’t want Tommy to know about Honey. It’s an odd thought, he realizes, since she’s enjoyed by many many people. Still, he didn’t have an explanation for what he was feeling.

Once she had brought in a guest, and his body had immediately rejected it. He was ready to close the stream and head to the bathroom for a quick shower—however, he stopped when he noticed who the guest was; CammingBravo. Another streamer who had caught Joel’s attention when he was scrolling through the endless amount of entertainers for the first time. He watched Honey eat out his tight little asshole, then he watched Bravo fuck her senseless, making her soak the sheets.

Joel never came that hard in his life before— It was exhilarating. He tipped handsomely that night and Honey mentioned how JMiller was one of her best viewers. Bravo’s smile, which was surprisingly kind, was infectious.

He would be lying if he said his chest didn’t puff up a little.

And, of course, he ended up buying a private chat with her after that. He just had to. It would just be this one time, he told himself, just one hour without the live chat. Just him and her.

He turns on the laptop, already knowing that he’s kidding himself. There’s no way this will be a one-time thing. He’s too. . . smitten to leave it with one private chat.

Maybe he can limit himself to once a month. That seems reasonable.

The familiar website of Ravish loads and he clicks on the little gray person in the corner. He finds the section that’s titled “private chats” and clicks. Her username, Honeysuckle, pops up. On the screen, it says she’ll be with him shortly.

A minute later the screen goes black and her face comes into view. She’s wearing a pink see-through bra with strawberries on it, Honey’s smile is bright as she looks into the camera.

“Hi there J!” she greets him, his stomach warms at the sound of her voice. “This is your first time doing a live chat right?”

He nods absent-mindedly while typing. Honey reads his answer and gives him an empathetic look.

“Okay, so you don’t have to show your face—obviously—but if you want you can click the tiny microphone in the corner and talk to me directly. But if that’s also too much you can continue to type what you want me to do.”

Joel’s eyebrows raise. Talk to her. . . with his actual voice? The thought both excites and sends cold fear down his spine. What would he even say? What if she doesn’t like the sound of his voice?

“Are you there?” her voice comes through. “Is everything alright?”

His fingers tense and rigid, Joel types in the questions that swirl in his head. Luckily the questions sound cheeky without any tone indicators so Honey smiles, her eyes narrowing while her lips curl seductively.

“You can say anything you want, big boy,” she licks her lips. “And don’t worry about your voice, I’m yours for the hour. You might as well have the most shrill voice in the world, I would still tell you how sexy you sound.”

You always call me that. Why? . . . Also, it doesn’t make me feel any better when you say you’ll tell me how good I sound regardless but I get what you mean.

Joel aggressively chews the smooth inside of his cheek. Honey reads his messages, a grin stretching across her beautiful face, “Let’s just say streamer’s intuition,” she winks. “As for the other thing, I mean that you don’t need to worry. I doubt you have the most shrill voice in the world.” she thinks over her words before adding. “Of course, it’s up to you. If you don’t want to use voice chat that’s completely fine.”

Joel sighs, his curser hovering over the tiny microphone. Closing his eyes, he clicks.

“Can—Can you hear me?”

Her eyes sparkle.

“Crystal clear,” she answers with a wide smile. “You sound hot.”

She sounds genuinely impressed. Joel can’t help but chuckle with the shake of his head. “Don’t sound so surprised but thanks, I think?”

“Oh it’s definitely a compliment,” she says rolling her tongue. “Is there anything you want me to call you or should I just call you J?”

There’s a brief moment where he thinks of just telling her his name but he bites his tongue at the very last moment. His heart does a little jump when he answers, “You can call me. . . sir.”

“Understood, sir,” she repeats, her voice dripping with lust. A shudder crawls up his spine and he has to brace himself by holding his knees. “There is also a matter of safewords, I don’t do everything as I’m sure you don’t as well. Red is for stop, yellow is for slow down and green is for go. I think that’s the simplest one but if you want to use a different word I’m okay with that.”

Joel blinks before answering, “Uh, yeah sounds good.”

“Also the website doesn’t allow screen recordings—which I appreciate— so you can’t film these sessions in any way. I’m just letting you know because no one reads the terms of service and one client was very unhappy when he got a cease and desist.”

“I. . . okay, I wouldn’t even think of it.”

She smiles and Joel’s heart feels a bit lighter, “Good,” with the rules established, a sense of relaxation washed over both of them. “So, do you have anything planned for me?”

Joel clears his throat as a warning and her eyes glimmer with amusement.

“Sorry,” she breathes heavily. “Did you have anything planned for me, sir?”

“Would you laugh if I said no?”

“Sir, I would never laugh at you,” she pouts, brows turning upward. Momentarily she looks off screen and when her eyes find the lens again she smiles giddily. “Would you want me to show you the toys I think you’ll like?”

Joel smiles at how genuinely excited she sounds, it’s hard to remind himself that this is all an act and that this is her job. He wants this to be real. He wants her to actually be excited to show him all the things she wants him to use.

“Sure thing, sweetheart,” he answers not missing the way her lips part with a soft gasp. “Show me what you got.”

Honey shows him a handful of her toys. She has a lot. Dildos of various sizes, vibrators, nipple clamps, kegel balls, anal plugs, anal beads, floggers, collars, paddles. . . she might as well have an entire sex shop in her room. Joel takes mental notes of all of them to use during their next sessions.

“Anything that you like, sir?”

“The paddle,” he murmurs, feeling a bit flustered now that they’re actually getting into it. “The one with the heart-shaped hole and. . . the nipple clamps—”

“The heart-shaped ones?”

Joel swallows thickly, “Y—Yeah.”

“No need to be shy, sir,” she grins. “It’s only you and me.” Honey picks out the toys Joel requested and raises an eyebrow while her gaze searches the pile. “So, no dildos? Or vibrators?”

“I . . . had somethin’ else in mind, if that’s alright.”

“Ohhhh, a mystery,” she purrs, winking into the camera. “I love it, sir.”

Honey is slow to rid herself of her bra, sliding one arm out and then the other before moving both hands to the back to unclasp herself free of the dainty fabric. Her chest nears the camera, giving him a full view of her fully erect nipples. Joel’s breathing grows heavier by the second. He can feel his cock stiffen, pleasure stirring in his gut. He quickly kicks off his shorts, leaving himself bare on the couch as he watches her secure the clamps over each nipple. She lets out a tiny sigh of bliss, pulling her arms back and planting her palms firmly against the mattress, she shows her newly decorated nipples.

Joel groans and wraps his hand around his cock. She does a little wiggle, the soft sound of bells making his cock twitch.

“Are you touching yourself, sir?”

“Yea.”

“Good, I want to hear you get off,” she quickly adds. “Sir.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me, sweet thing,” his eyes flutter closed as his fist moves down, and he opens them back up after giving himself a firm squeeze. “Turn around,” he grunts. “And don’t forget the paddle.”

She does as she’s told, which in return gives Joel an immense sense of control and satisfaction. Precome drips down his length, he uses it to lube himself further, paying extra attention to be loud for her. Just like she wanted.

His eyes follow the movement of the paddle, she drags it over the right cheek of her ass, caressing her skin. Her panties disappear between the crease of her gorgeous ass, leaving little to the imagination. “Is this okay, sir?” she asks, her voice thick. “Am I being a good girl?”

Goosebumps rise over his skin. He’d called her, wrote to her, good girl after every stream—his smirk is laced with something dark when he realizes that she must’ve enjoyed it.

“You’re being very good,” he answers. “Now hit yourself with it, I want to see a heart tattooed on that pretty flesh of yours.”

“Southern man into branding, why am I not surprised?” she purrs and lifts her ass closer the camera. “You like seeing your pretty girl all marked up by her owner?”

Fuck.

“Don’t get full of yourself,” he orders, adding a bit more venomous tone to his voice. Honey stills, and briefly Joel worries he’d overstep. He stops breathing, not wanting to miss even the smallest hint of the safeword.

But then she shudders, hitting herself lightly with the paddle. “How’s this, sir?” she says, her lilt indicating that she’s highly aware it isn’t enough.

“Harder.”

She spanks herself harder, her body jolting. Joel can hear the bells. He circles the head of his cock with the pad of his thumb, groaning as he makes himself more comfortable on the couch.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think you’re listenin’,” he inhales slowly, enjoying the way her muscles tense. “I want to see those hearts on your skin. I thought this was supposed to be a show.”

“Y-Yes, sir.”

He loves how breathy her voice has gotten. Heat licks the base of his spine, his cock begging for release.

She raises the paddle, smacking her plump meat much harder than before. Her asscheek ripples and Joel can finally see a faint trace of a shape. But it’s not clear enough to be a decent heart. “Again,” he orders.

It takes about six to nine times before the heart takes shape on her skin. She’s whimpering, tremors moving up and down her body as she fights the urge to collapse. She loves seeing his mark there, she might’ve placed herself, but it was his doing and he revels in it.

“Good,” he says, swallowing thickly. “Good fuckin’ girl. Lookin’ so pretty for me.”

“S-Sir,” she mutters. Joel doesn’t know what to expect until her hand comes between her legs, sliding the thin line of her panties to the side. Her cunt is a sopping mess. Joel leans further towards the screen, his tongue licking the roof of his mouth. “Do you see how wet I am? P-Please, I want to come—Can I, sir?”

“Fuck, ‘course you can,” his neck feels warm, burning almost. “Turn around, grab one of them pillows behind you.”

“P-Pillow?”

She sounds dazed, Joel almost feels bad for her, almost. “Yes sweetheart, pillow,” he coos. “I want you to grind that pretty cunt against it. . . honey.”

“Shit, say that again.”

“Honey,” he groans again, his hips thrusting into the air, burying himself deep into his fist. His voice drops further as he begins to chant, “Honey, honey, honey, honey—”

She visibly clenches at that, her entire body tight with arousal. With shaky hands, she brings the pillow between her thighs, straddling the soft cushion. Her head falls back as she gives it an experimental roll of her hips, Joel’s breath catches in his throat. She looks delectable. Her hands come up to her chest and tugs at the clamps, she jumps, a wanton moan echoing from the back of her throat.

“You’re so worked up aren’t you?” Joel continues as she grinds herself further down, leaving a wet, darkened patch behind. He’s preaching to the choir. His own arousal drooling over his knuckles. He closes his eyes, allowing his mouth to roam free. “Stuff three fingers in your mouth, want you to choke darlin’.”

With a whine, she nods and pushes three fingers between her lips. Joel smirks, “It ain’t nearly enough but at least you can get a feelin’ of how much my cock would stretch those pretty lips, honey,” he rasps. She shudders, her hips moving wildly over the pillow. “You love havin’ your mouth full don’t you?”

“Yesh, sur,” she moans around her own fingers, she move acutely, and with every jerk of her hips, Joel can see her throbbing clit. He’s teetering on the edge of his release, heat pools between his legs, his balls go tight.

“I’m gonna come, honey,” he groans, his tight shaking. “Come with me, show me how wet your get that pillow.”

With a hint of mischief in her eyes, she loudly gulps around her fingers, giving Joel a clear few of her cunt before rolling her hips down against the smooth surface. His eyes go wide and before his brain can register the coil snapping, he spills over his hand. Heavy strings of come dripping down his hard throbbing length. He makes a choked sound as he tries to breathe in and out at the same time. Honey pulls out her fingers from her mouth and grins, her hands drop in front of her and she bounces up and down, mimicking the way she would ride him.

The action manages to squeeze one last rope of come from him, his lungs collapse, his body burning. She comes right after, her thighs squeezing around each side of the pillow before gushing around it. Joel can see the shine as she continues to grind her hips.

“Show me,” he pants, his next words quickly shifting into a growl. “Show it to me.”

Licking her lips, Honey pulls the pillow from between her legs and shows it to him. His cock twitches with interest. “Wanna taste you,” he says without thinking.

“Sadly technology hasn’t improved that much yet,” she answers. “But I’ll tell you this much,” she leans in and flattens her tongue against the soaked fabric. Joel’s jaw tightens, his molars digging together painfully. She moans. “I taste sweet. Like honey.”

You hate visiting home.

You hate the heat, the crowd, staying at a home where you’re still treated like a child when you haven’t been one for a long long time. But you didn't really have a choice when your dad hurt his leg, which meant that you had to help around with the tiny bookshop your family owned. It was a miracle that it was still standing, but people did love their old, dusty bookshops. You had to admit, you enjoyed the aura of the place.

Your mom had asked you to bring over two coffees before coming in, she opened up shop early which you were grateful for. Now that you were home, you didn’t have the luxury to do as many private calls as you wanted to. You still streamed late at night, keeping silent, your audience didn’t mind. They thoroughly enjoyed the whispering and the “we can’t be caught” act. You only indulged in one private session, a session that you couldn’t bare letting go of.

JMiller.

You thought a lot about what his real name might be. Jacob, Jeff, Jeremy. . . none of them felt right. It was disappointing because you wanted to scream his name when you had your hand between your legs. But since you couldn’t decide on a name, you whimpered a string of sirs over and over again.

You eagerly counted down the hours until you could finally spend time with him. This was a funny thought on its own because you boasted about how professional you were. You kept things clear, not allowing for any miscommunication or—potentially—feelings. But there was just something about him that got your entire body yearning to hear his southern drawl. Maybe it was the nostalgia of it all. You did grow up in Austin after all. But still. It was odd how excited you got before going online.

You briefly mentioned you were going back home, you didn’t tell him where, obviously, but you did tell him that there could be scheduling issues. He understood.

Of course he did, he was perfect.

Pulling yourself away from your thoughts, you impatiently drum your foot against the clean marble floors. This line is insane. You let out a groan, sending your mother a quick text that it might take you a while. A second later your phone buzzes with a thumbs-up emoji from her. You sigh again as you shove the phone down your back pocket, you hate waiting, it gets you anxious and even though you don’t have a boss that will yell at you, you don’t enjoy being late.

Then, as if he popped out of the concrete like a weed, a man pushes himself between you and the other person that was waiting in line in front of you.

Your heart races, your eyebrows knitting together, no way in hell are you going to allow someone to cut in line.

“Hey,” you call out. The man ignores you and you tap his shoulder, he turns sharply, his eyes glaring daggers. “You can’t cut in line,” you say defensively. “You need to move to the back of the line.”

“Look lady I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about I was always here.”

“Ummmm, no you weren’t,” your chest heaves, heat rising to your cheeks. You don’t like confrontation—you’d do it, but you’d hate it. Your legs are already shaking slightly. “I’ve been staring at the pink paint stain on that guy’s shoulder for about half an hour so I know what I’m talking about.”

He rolls his eyes, an ugly snarl taking shape, “Just leave it. I ain’t gonna budge. I have places to be.”

“And the rest of us don’t?” you snort, eyebrows raised. He shrugs, makes a face, and turns his back to you once again. It takes you everything not to stomp your foot like an angry bull.

You’ve had enough. You’re tired of the assholes of the word, you don’t care if you’re not allowed into the coffee shop ever again. Puffing up your chest, you open your mouth wide, ready to give this rude stranger a piece of your unfiltered mind.

“You know what—”

“Is that any way to treat a lady, moonshine?”

You turn towards the source of the voice. It’s a man you’ve never seen before. He’s rugged looking, the salt and pepper in his beard endearing. He has a deep crease between his brows, his brown eyes dark as he stares down at the rude stranger. You take in the sight of his broad shoulders, thick neck—your heart does a little flip. You don’t know why but you’re drawn to the man, he has a nice voice.

The man, however, isn’t as pleased as you.

“What’s it to you? She your girlfriend?”

You’re not but you kinda wish you were.

“Get in the back of the line, I saw you cut in front of her.”

The tension in the air is thick enough that you can cut it with a knife. You hold your breath, your lungs starting to burn as electricity crackles between the two men. Finally the asshole caves and sighs, going to the back of the line. You let out the breath you’ve been holding, your shoulders sagging with relief right after.

“Thank you,” you say, your gaze finding the kind strangers. “I was right about to blow my lid before you stepped in.”

He doesn’t answer and just continues to stare at you. Worry builds in your spine. Why isn’t he saying anything? His softened gaze flits across your face, taking in every detail before looking away. He pushes his hands down his pockets, looking almost boyish with the way he drops his gaze to the floor.

“Don’t mention it,” he mutters.

You raise an eyebrow. His voice still sounds familiar. Your curiosity getting the better of you, you shove the thoughts of familiarity into the back of your head and grace him with a wide smile. He blushes profusely, eyes slightly going wide, he takes a sharp inhale.

“How about I pay for your coffee. . . or whatever you’re buying?” you ask.

“You don’t have—”

“I insist!” you chirp, glad that the line is finally moving. You extend your hand with enthusiasm, which he accepts a bit tentatively. Your smile never wavering, you tell him your name and an emotion akin to guilt washes over his eyes. He releases your hand, lips a tight, frigid line. “Is something wrong?” you ask. “You don’t like the name?”

“N–No, it ain’t that,” he shifts from one leg to the other. You nearly look down, curious to see how tightly his jeans hug his muscular thighs. “I’m. . . Joel.”

The world around you falls into a complete silence. Joel. Joel. Something electric and searing shoots up your spine, your lashes fluttering. Your heart starts beating a mile a minute but you’re not sure why. The only thing you do know is that this is a significant moment. An important moment.

Your rake your brain for answers.

Why?

Why is it important? What piece are you missing to complete the puzzle?

His lips break into a soft smile, he gestures towards the counter with his head. “We’re up.”

“O-Oh, yeah,” you swallow, barely able to pull your gaze away from him. “Sorry.”

You tell the kind barista your order and she writes it down on both your cups happily. The two of you move away from the line to wait for your drinks; a black coffee for your mom, a caramel macchiato for you, and an iced quad espresso for Joel. You raise an eyebrow.

“I have a long day comin’,” he says with a small smile. “And I didn’t do much sleepin’ last night.”

Your mind immediately flashes you memories of last night. Legs spread wide with two dildos stretching you, JMiller really enjoys it when you test your limits. Your pulse pounding in your skull, you look down. “Don’t I know it.”

“You had a late night too?” there’s a teasing lilt to his tone. Your stomach churns and you sink your teeth into your bottom lip. It looks like he’s about to say something else but the barista calls your name and both of you head towards the counter. He takes his death juice with a grateful smile, his demeanor more relaxed compared to when you introduced yourself.

“Thank you, honey. I appreciate it.”

Oh shit.

Shit shit shit shit.

It is him.

JMiller—J stands for Joel.

Fuck.

“You. . .” you begin, panic raising in your voice. “You’re. . .”

He nods, “I think we both know why I didn’t sleep much last night,” he extends his hand again. “Huge fan by the way. You’re great and this is awkward as hell.”

“It is,” you whisper. Still, you take his hand. “It is.”

“You’ve never had someone come up to you on the street before?” he asks, curious. “I would assume you get recognized a lot.”

“Not as much as you would think,” a cruel, humorless burst of laughter drops from your lips. “People don’t exactly want their partners to know they’re watching me. But if they’re alone yeah. . . sometimes they’ll say hi.”

Or they’ll ask inappropriate questions and be weird about it but he doesn’t have to know that.

Now that he’s mentioned you bumping into others, you’re not sure why it felt like the end of the world before. You feel embarrassed, flustered even, two emotions that a client shouldn’t be making you feel.

“Well,” he breaks the silence, moving his jaw as he opens the door for you. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“Technically you bought it.”

“Right. . .”

The two of you are out in the street now, staring at each other, contemplating what to say. He scratches the back of his head, then his fingers move to rub at his jaw. Arousal gathers between your thighs, it’s not your fault, now that you know that it’s him, your body acts accordingly.

“Are we still on for tomorrow?”

You still for a moment before answering, “Yeah.”

He turns and leaves, you do the same, only in the opposite direction.

After learning your name, Joel completely abandoned his rule of you calling him 'sir', making you moan his actual name as frequently as he could. His name stuck to your tongue. It might as well have been tattooed under your bottom lip. He was possessive in the way he asked, in some instances even begging for you to say it—and you fucking loved it. You loved this sick claim he had towards you now that you two had officially met. You loved how much more eager he was to see you make a sticky mess between your thighs. You love how cock dumb he made you feel without actually being there to fuck you himself.

He even started doing his version of online aftercare. Mostly he would just talk, tell you about every-day things as you came down from your high. Or he would murmur a song. You never asked if he was a musician, he had a nice voice.

It’s the beginning of the session and you’re getting ready. He says he enjoys watching the preparation you do for him so you decided to start streaming five minutes earlier, allowing him to watch. You really need him today. You had a rough day with an order mix-up, and your mom isn’t the best at dealing with mishaps. He clears his throat, which draws your attention to him.

“Is something wrong?” you ask.

“No no, everythin’ is fine, sweetheart. I just. . .” he sighs. “I want to ask somethin’.”

“Ask away.”

“Can we—Would you want to—” he groans in frustration and you start grinning. His frustrated pout is adorable. All you want to do is smooth the crease between his brows with your thumb and give him a kiss.

“Joel Miller,” you tease, not missing the way his breath catches in your throat. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

Oh god, you hope your intuition is right. If it isn’t this call is about to get really awkward.

He flushes, eyes dropping as he nods.

“Is that okay?”

This is highly unprofessional, “More than okay. I’d love to go on a date with you.”

His grin is infectious.

“Good,” he lets out a breath then settles back against the couch. “Now show me those pretty tits, honey.”

You can’t believe you’re actually in JMiller’s, aka Joel’s, home.

The date had gone better than you expected. He was kind, charming, and chivalrous which were all qualities you haven’t seen for a while. Ever since you started streaming you hadn’t been on many dates and frankly, after a while, you purposefully avoided them. It just felt like asking for drama that you had no intention of dealing with. But Joel wasn’t like that. He could be blunt, a bit grumpy, yet also kind. He had taken you to one of his favorite pubs. Beers accompanied by the best jalapeno poppers you ever had equated to one of the finest dates you’ve ever had.

He was a contractor, had a daughter in college, and a younger brother. His mother and father had passed a long time ago and ever since Sarah left, he’d been feeling lonely. He’d admitted shyly that that was the reason why he signed up on Ravish. He wanted company.

You found it incredibly charming.

As soon as Joel closes the door behind you two, you fall into each other’s arms. He kisses you with fervor, tongue slipping between your lips as he breathes you in at the same time. You feel him everywhere. Large hands squeezing your hips, waist, breasts—it’s intoxicating. You moan wantonly into his mouth, your lids falling when he sucks your tongue into his mouth. He tastes like beer and you’re pretty sure you do too.

Joel pushes you up against the wall, knocking the air from your lungs while you continue to chase his lips with an insatiable need. You can’t bear to be separated from him, not even for a second. He drags his lips down your neck, mouthing at your jugular, sharp teeth nipping the sensitive flesh. Your hips jerk to meet his and with a growl, he pins you back to the wall.

“Don’t,” he grunts. “I’ve been waitin’ so long for this honey, so fuckin’ long.”

Your lips curl, a challenge lingering in your eyes, “Show me then, big boy. Show me how bad you want to fuck your slut.”

“Fuck,” he hisses, gripping your chin harshly and pulling you in for another kiss. Your teeth clink together, he pulls back just as quick, the muscle in his jaw twitches. “Fuck,” he breathes out again. “You have quite the mouth on you, darlin’.”

You have no recollection of how the two of you clamored upstairs, stripping one another in a lustful haze. The time you realize you’re naked is when you feel the cool air of the room caressing your burning skin, he leaves a trail of open-mouthed kisses down between your breasts, fingers eagerly working your nipples as he forces you to walk back until your back of your knees hit the bed and you fall.

Not wanting to give in so easily, you wrap your fingers around his heavy cock. It juts angrily between his legs, answering your touch by drooling all over your palm, slickening your movements. You jerk him until he’s fully hard, his breathing heavy as he rolls his hips to meet the tightness of your fist. He sinks his teeth into your neck, the pain that blossoms coaxes a moan from you, your own wetness growing between your legs.

“I knew you’d be fucking big,” you whisper, tongue toying with his earlobe. “So huge—makes me wonder if I can take it. . .”

“I’ve seen you take bigger,” he groans, hips stuttering. A whimper drops from your lips, you want him, you want to feel him inside, want to feel his come dripping out later. You feel thick fingers spreading your soaked folds, he drags down a middle finger between them, licking himself into your mouth as he draws circles around your aching clit. “So wet for me,” he rasps. “Gonna make a mess in you, honey.”

You gasp, “P-Please.”

He lines himself against your entrance, teasing you, stretching you subtly with the bulbous head of his cock. Your head falls back and your back arches into him. He draws a hard nipple between his lips, closing them as he sucks. Heat rushes all over your body, arousal thick on your tongue. You clutch the sheets. He smiles as he pushes in, filling you inch by inch with a lax jaw and a dazed gaze.

He stops and waits for you to adjust to him. Joel’s forehead drops against yours, dampness growing between the skin. You feel his breath fanning your face, so warm. There’s a hint of pain, the type that makes you flutter around him. He feels it too. The way you tighten against him, your body begging for more. He obliges. Pushing further and further until his hips are flushed against yours. His jaw is clenched tight, his breathing heavy.

“Fuck you feel so good,” he presses fleeting kisses all over your face. It’s ticklish and if all your senses wasn’t narrowed in between your legs, you would’ve giggled.

Your body jerks as he pulls back, the pleasure you feel is instant and overwhelming. You’ve missed the feeling of actual flesh inside of you. Joel snaps his hips forward, locking your breath in your throat, with a moment of desperation you wrap your arms around him and pull him closer. He fucks you in earnest. Every thrust desperate. Every thrust needy. He seems lost in you, whimpers, groans and grunts trembling in his throat and chest. You spread your legs wider, wanting more of him, wanting your cunt to take the shape of his cock.

“Harder—” you cry out. “Take it—Take what you want—”

Your arms fall limp, his body moving up and towering over yours. Joel grips your thighs tight before lifting them, he jackhammers into you, tugging and pulling at you like a brand new fucktoy. He splits you in half. The force of his movements making you scream. You don’t miss the way he grins wildly, dangerously. Something dark and haunting washing over his face.

Your eyes grow wide, your heart beating in your throat, making it hard to swallow. It happens all at once, you clench around him, arousal pouring between your legs in a way it never had before. The look, the cock, the man behind it all—everything combined pushing your mind into the deep stages of want and need. Your eyes roll back, your hands coming up to pinch your tight, tingling nipples. You sob his name, your voice hoarse as you beg him for more and more and more—

“W-Wait, darlin’ if you squeeze me like that I’ll—!”

A series of curses drops wildly and unintelligently from his lips. You feel him. The heat of his seed filling you to the brim, his cock throbs and twitches, spurting into you again and again. Your lips break into a satisfied smile. Instinctively, Joel pushes deeper, shoving your combined slick even deeper.

“Shit,” he says catching his breath. “I-I’m so fuckin’ sorry. I usually last. . . longer than that. I—”

You shush him and cup his cheek. You’re so pliant right now, floating happily in the air. You let out a sigh before willing your lips to move. Has talking always been this taxing?

“It’s okay Joel,” you slur your words, smiling lazily. “I take it as a compliment, that felt fucking good.”

“Yeah?” he sounds so innocent and hopeful that you can’t suppress your giggle. His eyes twinkle under the dimmed light. “Well, I’m glad you felt good, sweetheart but I’m not done yet.”

Your breath hitches when he pulls out, your brows furrow as a chill settles between your legs. You wanted him to stay inside longer. But you’re pleasantly surprised when he slides down your body, kissing every patch of skin before settling between your legs.

“Let’s see if you’re as sweet as you’ve been tellin’ me.”

He kisses your cunt, lips moving in tandem with your wet folds. He drags his tongue up between them, curling it as he takes himself into his mouth, tasting both of you at one. You go limp at the pressure of his tongue, your walls fluttering and squeezing for more. With a groan, he shoves his fingers, the wet sound makes your toes curl into the mattress. It’s like torture, a very pleasurable torture. You gasp when he pulls you flush against his face, the bridge of his nose bumping against your clit as he licks you clean.

Your build up is spontaneous. You feel it coming, the taste of your orgasm at the tip of your tongue. Joel curls his fingers, sucking your clit between his lips and gently nipping at it. You hips chases his mouth, his mustache chafing the tender skin. Your hands come to each side of his head, threading your trembling fingers through the soft locks, his fingers brush against an especially sensitive spot and you tug at his hair. His throat shakes with a groan. His eyes closing.

“Do it again,” he mutters. And you do. He starts moaning into your cunt, his hips, despite just spilling inside of you, rutting against the bed. Your nails bite into his scalp and he flicks his tongue over the sensitive bundle of nerves.

The tension coiling in you finally snaps, your entire body locking up as you gush into his mouth. He gulps you down loudly, fingers still moving deep inside you. Your throat is dry as ou shout his name, hips stuttering helplessly, he pins you down with both hands, moving his head up and down as the fat strokes of his tongue becomes more wild.

When he’s finally done feasting, he pulls away with a wet mouth.

“Wow,” you murmur, curling into him when he lays beside you. “That was. . . wow.”

“You really had low expectations, huh?”

“Not low,” you grin. “But not that high either.”

“Well,” he says, guiding you so you’ll lay on his chest. “I’m glad to prove you wrong.”

You smile, heart fluttering.

“Me too.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #tlou fanfiction #hbo the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal characters

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mono-dot-jpeg · 9 months

Text

new universe - y. welt

summary; while you didn't mind playing hsr, you didn't want to be in hsr!

genre/extra tags; headcanons, isekai! reader, father figure! welt back in action, fluff, angst???

[platonic] [16 years old! reader] [gender neutral! reader]

a/n; never wrote for isekai'd reader but im down to try. this is probably gonna be unintentionally angsty bc idk abt u but no matter what world im waking up in, im gonna lose my shit too.

you played quite a bit of hsr

you had your fair share of liking a bunch of characters, gambling on them just for that 0.001% chance of feeling joy that you finally got that character

and you liked the story and all

but you didn't want anything more than that

so imagine the absolute panic of waking up like you were trailblazer.

march's face near yours sending you into freeze rather than flight or fight

"march step back, give them time. they just woke up."

you literally go through the 5 stages or grief as you slowly realize, oh shit, im not home anymore

and then it sinks in again

and then you start crying.

you're stuck in denial as you cry your eyes out

you're stuck in a fantasy space world where you are just as powerless as a citizen npc and you know there's a bunch of enemies in game that look really painful to deal with

you dont even realize that you've been taken to a room to wallow in peace.

welt's room to be specific.

you calm down after a while, sitting down in embarrassment bc oh fuck you just cried in front of some of your favorite character but to be fair you might be stuck in this world which does almost send into another panic

but welt comes in at the right time

"i'm sorry we didn't wake you when we found you, but we wanted to make sure that you weren't injured. do you remember anything of what happened?" he speaks calmly, making you feel calm in return

"i only remember my name.." you're really lucky to know that you speak the common language in this universe, or maybe they just know it. "i don't know what happened and..." your body shakes, feeling overwhelmed. "i don't know... 'm sorry."

he shakes his head. "you did nothing wrong. we didn't think or account for this. it's okay. it's okay to be scared. we're here to help you."

and it kind of breaks your heart bc you don't think there's a way to get back to your real home.

"would you like to know how we found you?" he hands you some water to drink.

you nod weakly, drinking the water.

and he explains how they found you in a different planet and stuck in a forest. "so you don't remember anything else?"

you hesitate. "i don't..i-" you close your mouth. "i don't think you'd believe me."

"it's okay if you don't want to tell me. but are you sure you don't know where your home is?" at the mention of home, you feel your eyes water.

"my home isn't where you think it is." you whisper weakly.

you don't elaborate and he doesn't expect you to elaborate.

"thank you for telling what you wanted to tell. i'm sure you're still scared and worried. and that's okay. but this does mean, you don't have a home.."

and he ends up taking you in.

you stick with him for a long while. it takes you a long time to get used to everything.

eventually you do get somewhat accustomed to it all.

with welt by your side you feel a bit more safe and less scared.

but on those nights where you remember that your normal is not the normal of this world, you find yourself looking for welt.

it's just silent comfort, just having his presence around you makes you feel better as you lay down by him as if you were a younger kid.

you just let him read his books as you wait for your body to make you sleep.

"thank you welt." you can't help but mutter.

and his reply is just a gentle pat on your head, a sign of him always listening to you and caring for you.

#honkai star rail x reader #honkai x reader #welt yang #welt yang x reader #hsr welt #honkai welt #honkai star rail welt #welt x reader

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jakessbtch · 3 months

Text

☆ party | j.g

masterlist | requests

TW ✿ ° : mentions of drugs/alcohol, swearing, drinking, arguing/angst, mentions of drunken sex, sexual implications.

pairing ✿ ° : johnnie guilbert x plus-sized reader [s/h]

summary of fic ✿ ° : After getting home from a party, where everything went wrong, she brings up an event.

requested by ✿ ° : no-one

word count ✿ ° : 7k

a/n ✿ ° : its finally here! after weeks! x

Parties were probably the worst thing known to mankind. They were so horribly messy, forcing a bunch of horny and carefree young adults, barely over 21, into a 2-bedroom house, with barely any room to walk. Typically, it was so full that the countless people who decided to waste their time and attend, would spill helplessly into the front and backyard, where they’d either find someone vulnerable to grind on or a bush to throw their guts up in. There would be loud rave music, and discarded items of food, just waiting for the unfortunate to slip on, and did I have to add the common issue of no room to breathe? I mean sure, there were a few bare sofas, and dining room chairs in which were free for rest, but they were for the losers who couldn’t speak to other people. For the losers who showed up to the event alone, or had their companions desert them earlier that night, right? right. And that was where I was sat, in the kitchen which was filled with discarded cups, and few people seeking for more alcohol.

Anxiety crippled through my chest as I observed all those around me, laughing, and having fun. There were so many people, and not one face I could recognize. I deemed that this whole night had been a waste. My friends had left me to stand alone in a crowded room, and my best friend, Johnnie, left me to fight against the cruel world of drunken slurs and catcalls I couldn’t prevent. I was so scared, what if someone tried to do something, hurt me, fight me? So many prying and disgusted eyes. No matter where I glanced, someone was watching me, with awkward smiles, and looks that poked at my appearance. My big and foul appearance. This wasn’t my crowd, these weren’t my people, just look at me. I was wearing baggy grey jeans and some jacket I grabbed off the floor, which probably hadn’t been washed in a week. While every other girl I saw, wore skims and crop tops, showing off their little waists, while I tried to hide my big one.

My hand cautiously grabbed a hold of my phone, the grip tight and very much laced with hidden fear. Being on my phone was the best scenario, it would be a silent sign to passers, that I was busy in a text conversation. When I brought up the familiar note’s app, I prayed no one saw the screen. Not only would I be at a party alone, but being so much of a loser that I couldn’t even involve myself with a text interaction? All I could think of in that moment was, if it was somewhat believable. Would someone still want to speak with me? Was I shaking? I was sure I was shaking, but could other people see it? I closed my e/c eyes for a moment, trying to regulate my anxious breaths. The thick scent of weed and cigarettes filled my lungs, still not seemingly putting my mind at rest. Wasn’t that the whole point of smoking and weed? It was all so stupid now, I had always been told to ease up at events, but why not now? Why was it so difficult now that I was sitting by myself?

“You’re sitting alone. Are you alright, y/n?”

I flinched at the sudden voice, someone wanted to speak to me. my eyes instantly flashed up, them laced with all the pent-up fear I had experienced, but for the first time that night, I was relieved. Sam Golbach, someone I barely knew, someone I hardly spoke to. Though, someone to finally accompany me. Sam used to live in the same house as my friend, Jake Webber, who I used to work for at the time, with editing. Jake and I are really close, I thought of him as a brother, which meant that at some point, I’d meet his other friends, Sam, Colby Brock, and Corey Shearer. Jake always took me to small gatherings and social groups the group would shamelessly create on Friday nights. Though, during those late nights, I never stayed long, I never stayed long enough to become close with all his friends. Yet, I did stay long enough to enjoy Sam’s generous company. I offered Sam and gentle smile at his wanted concern, pulling my h/c hair out of my eyes.

“I’m fine Sam, I just want to go home. That’s all.”

Sam nodded gently at my sweet confession, his blue eyes swiftly washing over the multiple sexual interactions displayed by passing people. They had a lot of bravery displaying such intimate actions in front of so many people, in front of so many judgmental eyes like my own. However, Sam’s caring eyes diverted back to me, giving me his sole attention and a reassuring smile. His face was full of concern, and I genuinely felt that he cared for me. It seemed that he understood my fear and discomfort in a way, as if he had been in my unfortunate situation before. Sam’s company kept me grounded, the company of someone I knew made me relax. Friendly, small gatherings gave me the feeling I felt during that moment, as I knew mostly everyone who would attend, though here, it was different. I knew very little people, and I was sure everyone here was in the same boat as me. They didn’t know anyone, which made tonight the perfect ‘one-night stand’ breeding ground. A night to live and forget.

“Here, might help?”

I gently took the time in looking down at Sam’s outstretched hand, a singular red polo cup aimed in my direction, filled with a liquid I could only assume was alcohol. I never really drank at parties, because eventually I’d get too carried away, and I’d do regrettable shit that I’d find out the next day, things that would haunt me. As well as the fact, I never took drinks from other people. I didn’t know what would be in them, I’ve heard plenty of spiking stories in my life. Yet, Sam wasn’t just anyone, everyone I knew trusted him. Jake trusted him, Tara, Jake’s ex, trusted him, and Johnnie did too. They were all smart people, knowing right from wrong, and if Johnnie could trust him, a small piece inside of me claimed that I could as well. My hand graciously accepted his offering, deciding that I should just take a single drink for the night, nothing more. Afterall, I would find myself driving someone, if not all my friends, home.

“Thanks. Enough about me, are you having fun?”

My voice was hoarse as I asked him the question, deciding to divert the conversations away from my wellbeing. Who cared if I was having a rough night? Sam should be focusing on the events of his night. My lips graciously sipped the sour alcohol, the soda it was mixed with bubbling in my stomach. Sam spoke with such ease, despite the loudspeakers that sent shockwaves of sound throughout my body, and likely his own. We spoke about a few things; Colby, Creating Content, and parties. However, the conversation drew out, occupying multiple minutes of our time. How late was it? Should I find Johnnie or Tara? Jake would be drunk so he would be no help. When the plaguing thought of leaving Sam filled my mind, he beat me to the quick goodbye we shared, claiming that he had to find Colby. I was grateful for that, as the red polo cup had been emptied, and I was sick of the constant rave music radiating off the walls.

“Sorry.” “Excuse me.”

Walking through that huge and messy crowd might as well had been the worst decision I could have possibly made. No one cared that I was there, as I was being tossed around like a dog’s used chew toy. Thrown into wooden furniture as if I was nothing. All I wanted to do was turn around and yell at the rude obnoxious assholes who made my search longer, and slightly more painful. As a final resort, to get out of the sweaty and foul crowd, my hands had traced along the wall, trying to find an empty hall, or vacant room, where I could catch a breath. Where I could have a moment alone. While I was searching for the said unoccupied room, and my missing friends, I was quickly starting to tire, still regretting this whole night. I wanted to leave, and sooner than ever, why was it so hard? Suddenly, after what felt like forever, I felt a door slip from underneath my fingers, and I had never been quicker to realize that it was an unlocked room, praying that it was empty.

The minute I was blessed with the muffled music, and the loss of sweaty bodies, I had slammed the white wooden door. The silence accepted me so easily and fondly, and for the first time that night I felt relieved. I turned around with closed and relaxed eyes, not taking note of the pair who were comfortably sat on the sofa, seemingly a while before I got there. Though when a dainty and polite cough reached my aching ears, I practically jumped out of my skin. I had no idea what to expect walking into that room, a blow job, boobs? No, none of those. What I was faced with was a really pretty girl, and the last person I’d expect her with. Johnnie Guilbert. Though I didn’t care about him, what I cared about was how pretty that girl was. She had long dyed pink hair, piercing blue eyes you couldn’t forget. She was so slim as well, the complete opposite of me. when I looked at her, the hatred for myself grew. The hatred for my weight, for my skin, it just seeped into my chest, like venom. I wanted to cry, to throw up, to get rid of this suffocating feeling. I wanted to be the girl Johnnie was so clearly interested in.

A small part of me had been crushed that moment, my heart. Everyone around me knew I liked Johnnie, God, even he probably knew. I was so obvious with my feelings, complimenting him when I could, giggling whenever someone said Johnnie and I looked cute together, but he was so insufferable and awkward to say anything about it. He avoided every question about us, so I took the hint that he hated the thought of a relationship with me. That feeling wasn’t foreign, it happened a lot when you looked like me. Boys gushed about having a ‘bigger girlfriend’, but when they had the chance, they were so quick to shut it down. They didn’t care about us, they cared about a good social image. With that image came feelings, the feeling of hate, and a feeling I felt that johnnie had. I wasn’t over my own opposite feelings, and with Johnnie abandoning me during the first 5 minutes to likely speak to this girl, if felt like a sucker punch to the stomach.

I felt sick looking at the two, the serotonin radiating off of them like a heater, though, I suppressed those gut-wrenching feelings. I had to come to the realization that Johnnie wasn’t the one for me. He was the one for her, her face was red under the dim lights, her smile stretched across the room, and his face reciprocated hers. He was happy with her, and I was happy for him, even if that meant the own destruction of myself. The destruction of my romantic interest, I’d have to destroy it, for him. I waved to the two awkwardly, my e/c eyes cautiously flickering back and forth between the two. Then, silence fell on the three of us, awkwardness. I tried to speak, but nothing came out, why couldn’t I speak? Where was Jake and Tara? I wanted Tara so desperately, I wanted to tell her to drive me home, to get me out of here, to get me home. Johnnie coughed awkwardly when he noticed my trance, and I breathed out, in one shaky break, I whispered.

“I’m going home.”

I had to get out of there, I had to leave the two be. I didn’t realize I was so rude, and I intruded in on something I regretted. Without another word, I left the pair sitting on the white sofa, while I shoved my way back through the messy, carefree crowd. There were no apologies this time, I didn’t care for anyone but myself. I didn’t care about the rude comments about my weight and ignorance, them drowned out by the loud music. Did the music get louder while I was dying emotionally in that room? Was the heater on, why was it warmer? The one thing I knew, was that I needed air. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, there were so many people, so little air. After what felt like forever, I found the front door. When the cool LA air kissed my face, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. The air accepted me openly, putting my nerves at rest, and opening my mind, forgetting the previous events momentarily.

“Hey y/n/n! you alright?”

When the slurred, yet delicate voice was made known to my ears, I immediately knew who it was. Tara, just the person I needed, just the person I wanted. I was going to gush to her about what happened, about how it felt like everything leading to this moment was pointless. I always informed her about my feelings, about everything when it came to relationships. She called it ‘girl-talk’, however, by the tall and giggly man behind her, I held onto my tongue. In such a crowded place, with ears seeking for nothing but drama, someone would tell Johnnie, or that girl. It was all so complicated, and I already had enough of tonight, I didn’t need more. I looked back to the shorter girl, nodding shyly at her generous concern. I wouldn’t tell her about this, sometimes silence would beat the lying, the lying of my wellbeing. Truth was, I wasn’t fine in that moment, though I didn’t have to rudely affect others with my faults.

“I’m going home, tired, are you two driving with someone else?”

Jake started to loudly sing the 2000’s pop-rock song blaring from the confinements in the crowded, messy home, as if he had no care in the world. As if this was his last night alive. My eyes gently down casted to the two, how they seemed to fit right in with this crowd, and the comparison with the fact that I didn’t. I felt so out of place, like a sore thumb. While Tara was one of the most gorgeous women I had ever met, she was the definition of perfect. She looked amazing all the time, wearing cute little outfits, and being so precise with her make up. She was always so confident and kind to her friends and family, she knew how to control her jealousy and all her feelings. And Jake wore skimpy clothes without a worry, wearing crop tops, and styled skinny jeans with fingerless gloves. I envied the both of them, in silence. Tara shrugged nonchalantly, gaining my short attention once more.

“We’ll get someone to drive us, what about Johnnie?”

“What about me?”

I flinched at his sudden introduction, of course he had to appear now, out of all times. Why couldn’t he appear when I was sulking miserably in the kitchen, when I was alone? However, like most times, my bitter attitude was painfully obvious. The sudden distasteful expression I acquired, put Tara off drastically. Her dark brown eyes flickering between the two of us knowingly, as if she somehow knew what had happened minutes before in that room. As if she saw the interaction between the girl, Johnnie and me. When I looked up at Johnnie, I ignored his messy dark hair he hadn’t styled for hours, and the smudged blue eyeshadow spread amongst his eyes. What I did notice was that the girl he was talking to, was now gone. She wasn’t lurking behind him, like a lost dog, she wasn’t at his side. He left her alone like he did me. I bitterly ignored his presence, turning to Tara and clarifying.

“He can come if he wants, but I’m tired. See you two later.”

Biding my goodbyes felt different now, or was that the sinking feeling I had in my stomach? However, besides that uncomfortable feeling, I begged for Tara or Jake to stop me. Yet, with each passing step, and each crunch on the gravel, my hopes drowned out. Though, a new hope sparked, a hope that Johnnie wanted to stay. It was obviously selfish for me to not want him to accompany me, but my night was already ruined, I didn’t need it to get worse. Distracting myself soon occupied my thoughts, my eyes wandering to the various groups of tired people. Their hushed murmurs, and the small giggles that admitted from the social circles, distracted my mind from Johnnie. My hand gripped the car door handle, listening to the bright conversations around me for a few more seconds. Then, I decided it was enough, I decided it was alright for my thoughts to corrupt my mind, and I got into the driver’s seat. The slam of the door never put me at ease, and Johnnie's approaching figure made it worse.

As Johnnie got into the car, and the engine started, my questions started to shamelessly dart around the air. The questions that made grow to hate myself, more and more, with every passing minute. Why did Johnnie leave me to stand there, in a crowd of unknown people, like an idiot? Why did he suddenly become so interested in talking to new people? However, I wasn’t a seeker for the answers I needed, and I remained silent. I continued to ask myself those questions, from the minute I was sitting in that kitchen, to now, driving home in my car. With each passing minute, which felt like hours, the air grew thicker, and my mind ran faster. What were I to do now? How could I get over something so dear to me, how could I get over Johnnie? Did I try dating apps, but who wanted me? Men liked girls who could be picked up, who could wear their clothes as a dress, they didn’t want me. My hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, my stomach dropping lower than my feet.

When watching the bright street signs flash past the moving car, I simply recalled the fact that Johnnie hated parties like me. That’s actually how we came to be friends, best friends. Every single party, every single gathering, we were attached by the hip. Never apart. We were always together, but that didn’t stop the thought, the thought of; what had changed now? Had I not given Johnnie the validation he needed, did he seek that validation from someone else? Why hadn’t I been enough for him? The feeling of insecurity suffocated my chest again, every time I noticed that the feeling was gone, it resurrected stronger. Why was I feeling like this, why was I so defensive over someone who wasn’t even mine to begin with? Johnnie wasn’t my boyfriend. I had to realize that. He had his own life, and I needed to start living mine, and stop worrying about my looks, and my weight, and how I acted. I had to stop being such a push-over.

When the house rolled into view, I was sure to park on the edge of the road. In a safe area in which I knew I wouldn’t have to pay for insurance. I didn’t share a house with Jake and Johnnie, but I did live around 15 minutes away, not far. Though, I was gravely unsure if I’d stay awake the whole drive back, the settling fear of a collision pictured in my mind. I was sure Jake wouldn’t mind me staying, I’d probably sleep in their unused spare room, and at some ungodly hour of the morning, Tara would join me. My eyes drooped as we made our way to the front of the door, the walk remained silent, and chilling. The only thing making noise were our steps echoing around us. Then, before long, I found myself looking at Johnnie, no, admiring him, but no longer with love, with question. I never questioned our relationship, though now, it was the only thing I could possibly think about.

Johnnie took the honors in locking the front door once the two of us were safely situated inside, while I took my time in wandering to the cleansed kitchen. I didn’t notice the darkened man enter after me at first, though he made himself known when he gently pushed his way past me, looking for something dry to eat. It was a recognized habit johnnie had adapted to after parties, after he drank. If he ate dry foods, he wouldn’t throw up, it was smart. While Johnnie searched the pantry, I remained silent. The silence was thick in the air, only growing with each second, in which I was observing his turned figure. How could he just ignore me? Did he not care, or was it rather that I had to say something to him? Did I ask why he left me to wallow in my own social fear? Ask him what type of confidence had overcome him in those meek few hours we had been apart? I dropped the car keys on the marble countertop, an overwhelming sense of unconscious mind coming over myself.

“Why did you leave me Johnnie?”

“What?”

The gentle slam of the cabinet made fear lurch within my stomach, regret climbing its way into my throat. In that moment, I regretted ever talking, I should have just shut up. When his ice blue eyes rested on my slightly shorter figure, I felt so vulnerable, so afraid. I had a quick tongue, always biting back against strangers, so why was it so different if it was my best friend? Why was I so afraid of being mean to him? At the realization that I was afraid of losing him, I shrugged slowly. This all felt stupid; did I even know what I was meaning anymore? I felt as if I was spitting gibberish. Johnnie’s face was obviously laced with some sort of confusion, and something clicked inside of me during that moment. Something bubbled, a small tinge of anger, clear frustration. I was frustrated with the fact he didn’t seem to understand what I was saying, no one did. I was suddenly glad I had brought up my issue, because now I really saw if he cared or not. It really made me question; did he not care about me anymore? What had changed?

“What do you mean ‘what’? You left me alone at the party, for 2 fucking hours. I didn’t know anyone there!”

My once small and timid voice had now raised higher than it ever had, the anger extremely prominent in my tone. I never got angry at others often, every time I was close to ruining my mood, I would attempt to reason. However, I couldn’t reason now, I wanted answers. There were so many unsaid feelings, that were starting to overload my voice box, begging for release. Though, I never wanted them shown to the world, never wanted to show them to Johnnie. I vowed to keep these feelings to myself, until the time was right, though, was there even a time anymore? Had that time happened long ago, me to oblivious and insecure to realize it? The time had passed for me, and now Johnnie was invested in finding love, him never even waiting for me.

“Whoa, y/n... look- “

“No! Do you know how embarrassed I was? Sitting alone!? I was petrified!”

Johnnie’s right hand made no attempt to silence the loud slam from the closing cupboard door, his frustration and annoyance radiating alongside my own feelings and emotions. However, I didn’t care how he felt anymore, because he didn’t care about me. My feelings weren’t relevant to him tonight. Johnnie’s large black boots made a loud thump on the cold tiles, him not hesitating to step in my direction. The contortion of his once calm face gave me a silent sign that he was trying to control the anger that was begging to be shown to the world, but that made me the slightest bit more frustrated. Why was he angry at my reaction, why was he mad? He had spent his night laughing along with one of the prettiest girls I had ever seen, he should be ecstatic about tonight, he should be happy, right? I rolled my e/c at his attitude, I wanted to drop the situation, ignore it, though I wanted answers more. I wanted to know why.

“It had always been you and I together at parties, and now you run off! What about me Johnnie!? Fucking say something!”

“I… I don’t know what you want me to say.”

An apology would be amazing, though I didn’t say that. What did happen at his response was the expected rage burning through me at his nonchalant attitude, why couldn’t he just say sorry? Before I could think, my body reacted with my hands throwing my car keys into the walls. With the sudden adrenaline, and the lack of realization to what I had just done, I ignored Johnnie’s hard flinch at my actions. I didn’t care. I was sick of being overlooked, sick of being called the ‘fat friend’, sick of being that friend that had no other emotion apart from humor and platonic love for others. Ultimately, I was sick and tired of being hurt. I had anger, and sadness, and jealousy, and I was sick of hiding it away. So, I wouldn’t be a push over anymore, and within a few silent and short moments, and little hurried words, all those emotions spilled out, along with wet, fat tears and stuttering. With a big shaky breath in, I dryly whispered to the boy.

“Do… do you know how many people pointed and laughed at me? yeah, ‘let’s laugh at the bigger girl, who looks as if she’s never been to a party before’...”

“y/n... come on, you- “

“Sam had to sit with me! Ou-out of pity too! You should’ve been there Johnnie! But you were talking... with some girl… and leaving me behind…”

My once confident voice noticeably cracked towards the end of my sentence, the pain in my tightening chest making itself obvious to Johnnie. The only thing I could think about was how embarrassing this was, being jealous over something out of my control. I wanted to run away and hide, forget this conversation ever happened, maybe even leave the country if I was lucky enough? But I couldn’t just do that, I had to face this at some point, especially since I brought up this whole situation. I would never tell Johnnie how jealous I was, how jealous I was of that unnamed girl, I wouldn’t even tell Tara, one of my closest friends, I vowed take my feelings to the grave with me. Until death. In the sudden silence, I never looked at Johnnie, afraid of what his expression was. Was he disgusted? Humiliated? I was, with myself. My left hand hastily brought itself up to caress my pudgy wet cheeks, trying to hide the mascara filled tear stains that had blossomed in the midst’s of my outburst.

“So, you’re jealous?”

Johnnie’s voice was clearly tired, however, by his groggy and annoyed voice, I simply got the overwhelming feeling of butterflies. Though the feeling of being flustered soon was overcome with anger, and sudden disbelief. Out of everything I said, he came up with the thing I already knew. My jealousy, I wouldn’t tell him that I was of course, it was only fuel for the ego that was taller than he was. The ego that I seemed to hate so much. I wanted to rip all my hair out, asking myself; why couldn’t he just understand me for once? I wanted to slap his pretty little face, I wanted to explode with anger, I wanted to tell him how I’d leave him here to rot alone, though when I opened my mouth, jaw slack, nothing seemed to come out. Nothing but silence. Nothing but heavy breaths, for a long unwanted moment. Then, once again before thinking, a small anger-filled whisper managed to roll itself off my tongue.

“I am not jealous.”

“Then why are you acting like this?!”

His voice sounded desperate for answers, answers I didn’t know if he wanted to hear. He sounded like me, so pained, and upset, but I wondered; Did he want to hear about how scared I am of his feelings, of my own feelings? Did he want to hear that I have loved him for months on end, picturing a future where we stood in front of a suburban home with two kids and a dog? Did he want to hear that I am convinced I am in love with him? Because I believed no one has been in love with him for as long as I have, I believed that my feelings weren’t just a crush. I cried most nights, wondering why I didn’t make a move when we hung out, or why he didn’t compliment me one night when I looked my best, I believed these feelings were not normal. Johnnie needed an explanation to my actions, an explanation to why I had yelled at him, why I was so suddenly aggressive. My e/c eyes cautiously rose to look at his saddened blue ones, and the silence settled once more. With another shaky breath, I explained everything to him.

“Because I’m scared Johnnie. I’m scared of you loving someone else, I’m scared of being hurt, and being forgotten.”

And for the first time that night, I finally felt heard. Johnnie sheepishly nodded at what I said, eyes down casting to the floor and sucking in his lips, deep in thought. This situation had been dragged out for months, years if you looked close enough, and it was so clearly affecting everyone around me, around us. When I told Tara my feelings, she had made a huge effort to pair the two of us together, while Jake would band along with her, contributing to her actions. Though, when Johnnie would decline any offer, I’d get disappointed, I’d be upset, and thoughts would plague my mind. My drowned moods would suffocate everyone else too, them getting a fowl taste in their mouths over the two of us, and our attitudes. Tara would express her concern, and Jake would ask to make it all better for us. And I would decline or ignore them, because it was my issue, not theirs. Now, after months, I was finally addressing it, because I was tired, so tired, tired of running a race that Johnnie never showed up for, tired of putting my all into something I wasn’t benefiting off of.

“So that’s why I’ve been acting like a ‘jealous’ and ‘lonely’ bitch.”

“What if I’m scared too?”

My stomach simply lurched at Johnnie’s hoarse voice speaking above my own. The newer question was brought to my attention. Why was he scared? He didn’t harbor such feelings for me, right? I racked my brain for reasons, reasons for why he would like me, and it slowly started to make sense, slowly started to make itself known to my consciousness. I would remember the way his hand would linger around my own, afraid of touch, or the way he would be ghastly concerned if I drank more than 3 drinks at a party or gathering. The way he would care for me. I always brushed it off as something friends did, I had seen plenty of friends upset over drinking habits, and holding hands, so was it really different for us? I wanted to cry again, cry at the intruding thoughts, though I felt numb now, like I had drained every feeling I once had before. How did I ignore all of this, and was it too late? Too late to apologize and erase all this from my mind? I covered my reddening face with my hands, too embarrassed to face my simple realization, and all the tiredness I was unaware of crashing into my mind like a wild tsunami wave.

“What if I’m scared of dating again? What if I’m scared, I’m going to hurt you?”

Hurt me? Didn’t he already do that enough by making a stupid effort to avoid me? Leaving me confused for the whole night? I didn’t know how to respond to his words, his question, everything I thought of, came off as stand-offish and rude, so all I could do was shake my head bitterly. Obviously, it was fair enough, he could be scared of this, so was I, but by the way he had avoided me tonight, during one of the times I needed him the most, I knew it wasn’t a responsible way to act, it never was. He had hurt me, and gravely, making me rethink everything leading up to this moment. I painfully looked down to the fallen silver car keys, them resting silently on the white floor tiles. While I still tried to cascade my brain and mind for how I could respond to him, in the nicest way possible. Though, the only feeling I could succumb to and notice, was the suffocating feeling of anxiety, and giddiness.

“What if we aren’t meant to be with one another, y/n…?”

“How would you know we aren’t meant to be together, if we haven’t even dated before? There’s only one way to know for sure.”

I muttered out, pinching the bridge of my nose with my pointer and thumb. It didn’t shock me how tired and weak my voice sounded, as yelling and sobs ripped my throat raw, it was very expected. However, due to my attention being diverted on my sore and sickened throat, I didn’t notice Johnnie making his way over to me. I didn’t notice him, until he was standing right in front of me, hands balled at his sides, messy hair, and blue eyes wide with an unrecognizable expression. With a surge of confidence, his right hand softly rested on my shoulder, it wrapping around to the back of my neck and resting there. His fingers gently dug into my skin, strands of h/c hair wrapping around them subconsciously. My eyes instantly flashed up at his touch, anxiety rushing throughout my body. It was so obvious that he was nervous as well, with the sight of his hands shaking, and the adrenaline seemingly pumping through him.

That was when I realized that this was my moment, my moment to show his how much he meant to me. An action, that I would shamefully perform, one kiss. one kiss couldn’t ruin a friendship, right? If it did ruin this, then so be it, because if Johnnie and I were meant to happen, then we would. We would find a way back to one another. So, without a second thought, I took that chance, I took that moment. My hands instantly latched onto his thin tattooed neck, gently forcing his head down and giving him all my emotion through the touching of lips. I had never kissed someone like I did Johnnie that night, I had never kissed someone with so much passion, so much want. I didn’t take the time to hyper-fixate on his body language, barely noticing his shock. I just desperately tried focusing on the continuous buzzing that radiated in my head. What I did notice was how Johnnie reciprocated the kiss, his hand moving from the back of my neck to the side of my face, his fingers so soft. He held me so delicately, as if a porcelain doll, skin so fragile and brittle, and for the first time in a long while, I felt like an art piece, I felt like I was finally someone's muse.

“Woah.”

I didn’t quite know when the pair of us became a trio, or rather a group, though when the familiar and feminine voice of the Tara Tompson filtered into the enclosed area, I had never been so quick to push Johnnie away from myself. Regret settled in my veins, should I had let him go like that, so soon? I could have held him just a little longer, I swore I could, though I didn’t. Behind the short girl, barely shorter than myself, was the tall and stumbling figure of a clearly intoxicated, Jake Webber. His thick scent was laced with weed, cigarette stench, and hard alcohol, giving me the sense that he had only gotten worse due to Johnnie and I’s departure. Though his attention wasn’t focused on me, he was far more interested in Johnnie, with a big, wide, slurred smile, and a lot of emotion in his body language and features. While Tara’s dark gaze was placed on me, and my stiff and uncomfortable posture. Bewilderment. That’s the word I’d use to describe her face, her expression. Was my surge of commitment and bravery really so shocking? I guess I wasn’t exactly outgoing, but I wasn’t that introverted either, I was a loud person, I challenged those who did wrong, so why was this different too?

“See... d-dude! I told you to ju-... ugh- just kiss her!”

Tara hissed frustratedly at Jake’s hiccups, muttering something inaudible from my stance. Though I didn’t care for the words that spilled from her maw, I was to interested in what Jake had said just moments before. ‘I told you,’ So Johnnie had been thinking about this moment, thinking about kissing me before? The knowledge of this had my stomach and chest twisting and fluttering, an uncomfortable, yet giddy, feeling arising more and more within a few short moments. Tara then grumbled at Jake, a loud and aggravated groan leaving her throat when he didn’t seem to be cooperating. After a few sharp whispers, Tara simply apologized to Johnnie and I, and they hastily stumbled away from the two of us, likely to Jake’s room so he could sober up and sleep. The interaction left Johnnie and I standing there alone and slightly stunned, the awkward aroma filling the air. My eyes drifted away from the doorframe to look at Johnnie, but he had beaten me to gaining to others attention. His eyes were already placed on my own, breath heavy and eyes clouded with the little alcohol he had drunk prior. I didn’t know what to say to him, so I whispered an apology.

“’M sorry…”

“I didn’t like her.”

I nodded subconsciously and silently, Johnnie’s strained and quiet words giving me knowledge that he was aware of the other two in the home. Though I didn’t bother acknowledging them, I was far too focused on how horse and rough his voice was, and shamelessly it had complimented his messy and unkept appearance well, or well enough to make my knees weak. His messy dark hair, jarred out wildly, while skimpy blonde roots carefully crept up the strands, barely noticeable. His dark blue make up had been smeared across his face, etched around his bright blue eyes, making them more noticeable than ever. Dark Tattoos writhing their way around his neck, the large black spider mark settling on his throat as if it was a mark since his birth, built to be there. I was staring at him for too long, too quietly. Once I had taken the effort to draw my attention from Johnnie’s attractive personality and expression, I looked down to the cleansed tiled floor. Was that it? After this would we go to bed and forget everything? Did I even want that?

“I like you. Your humor, your appearance, your kindness. I like you… more than a friend.”

“Then quit treating me like I’m less of one.”

Every single word, every single syllable that seeped from his mouth, set off a tiny firework inside of me. Fireworks in my chest, my feelings were the embodiment of the fourth of July. I had never felt so seen as a person, so honored for how I felt, and looked, and only moments prior, I felt invisible to the world. I was so vulnerable, my feelings were overlooked, ignored, and now they were noticed and appreciated more than ever. Overwhelmed, that’s what I was during that moment. Overwhelmed with my own feelings, and Johnnie’s pure ones. How was I to react now? Did I go to bed, or make the effort to hug or kiss him? Before I could make the decision in what I was to do, Johnnie had started to shake his head. His eyes moved away from my own, to the items on the kitchen countertop, him deep in thought and consideration. He opened his jaw to speak again, hand gripping tightly on his skinny jeans as he spoke confidently.

“I’m sorry y/n/n.” I love you.

“I know. I love you too.”

And for the first time in my life, I hadn’t felt like the ‘fat girl’, I felt noticed for more then my humor and weight. Johnnie made me feel wanted and seen. Since that moment, I had taken everything seriously. I took my problems, my life, my achievements, seriously. They all suddenly had purpose to me. I had commitments now, a commitment to Johnnie, a commitment to a lifelong promise that I vowed to never break. Johnnie made promises of his own, promises to never ignore my struggles, to hold me when needed, and the promise that I would always be his. From now until death do us part; And I wouldn't have it any other way.

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roonilwazlibimagines · 2 years

Text

girl, don't do it - j.p x female!reader

Blurb: based on those tik toks where they list a bunch of things you shouldn't do with a boy because you'll catch feelings

Word Count: 5.8k

Warnings: unfortunately it is heavily referenced that everyone is straight also it is a modern one and this is not proofread

Masterlist

“What do you mean?” She asked the group of girls sitting around her.

Marlene shared a look with Lily, both of them quick to realise the reason a soft crease formed on their friends forehead.

“We mean,” Marlene said, dragging out the last syllable, “there’s just some common things that you shouldn’t do with a boy because you’ll catch feelings.”

The crease deepened and so Lily tried to explain.

“Like when you do these things, you form a connection and then you get attached.”

“Well, give me an example,” she challenged, still not quite getting at what the group of girls were trying to say.

“Like going to the gym with them,” Mary chimed in, but it only made the girl frown.

“Yeah,” Dorcas agreed, “you see them in their gym clothes all sweaty.”

“The gym should be your safe place,” Marlene said. She went to continue but the confused girl became lost in her own thoughts.

‘Come to the gym with me?’ Her phone flashed and James Potter’s name appeared on her lockscreen.

‘I hate the gym’ she replied. She watched the bubbles pop up to indicate he was typing.

‘Please?’

‘For me?’

She shook her head at his double text and replied.

‘Fine :/’ As if she would have ever said no

‘But you’re picking me up’ she waited for him to reply.

‘See you in 5 :)’

At the gym, she didn’t really know what to do. James immediately went over to the weights, but she decided to go on the treadmill.

She wasn’t a fan of gyms. The unknowinigness of who had used what before her and what germs they had left. The inability to use the machines and not knowing how more than half of them worked. But at least she got to wear the matching set she had bought.

She was going at a slow pace on the treadmill, a nice stroll. She couldn’t help but look over at the man who had dragged her here.

His biceps were straining under the weight he was lifting and his face was contorted as he lifted it up. A coat of sweat was covering his bare arms and when he stood up straight she began to wonder how long it had been since his thighs were that big.

He had already done a few reps and when he saw her looking, he put the weights back and walked over to her.

“Like what you see?” He asked as she took her earphone out, continuing her slow pace on the treadmill. He was leaning on the arm of the machine next to her and she shook her head at him.

“Didn’t realise you were bringing me to the gun show.” He laughed. A breathy laugh. His chest was rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath and she couldn’t help but stare at the patch of skin that was exposed under his loose top.

The sleeves of his top were clinging to his forearm and she wanted to tease him about buying clothes that actually fit him, but before she could he was going back to his mat and starting to do some pushups.

“That’s ridiculous,” she scoffed at the girls in front of her, trying to relax her face. “I’ve been to the gym with all of you before, what difference does it make if it’s a boy?”

“Well that’s not the only thing,” Marlene explained, “like, for example,” she dragged out her speech, trying to think of something you couldn’t do with a boy without catching feelings.

“Like going shopping with them,” Lily chimed in, earning a chorus of various noises, all in agreement with the red head.

“Yes,” Dorcus groaned, “especially grocery shopping.” They all agreed and started speaking about how it gives your brain the wrong idea. She wanted to argue, but before she did, a memory flashed into her mind.

“What are you doing today?” James Potter’s face was currently occupying her screen, he had video chatted her to show her a cute dog he had seen on his morning run and now that she was awake and his run had turned into a walk, they couldn’t stop talking.

“I don’t know,” she said, yawning and rubbing her eyes, “I’m overdue for a grocery shop so probably just that.” She was still in bed, lying on her back, holding her phone up at a somewhat flattering angle.

“Can I come?”

“Why? It’ll be boring.”

“I love grocery shopping.” He was looking at her through the phone and she was looking at him, watching the way the sun made his eyes a few shades lighter.

“If you want,” she shrugged and James smiled.

“Great, I’ll be there in an hour.”

It wasn’t bad having him along, he pushed the trolley and he was always humming a random tune. He wasn’t an issue until they got to the biscuit isle.

“Look,” he exclaimed, picking up a packet of biscuits shaped like teddy bears, “they’re half price!”

She laughed and agreed saying, “Cute,” before she went to keep walking. But she turned around when James let out a gasp.

“And you’re not going to get them?”

“They’re not on my list,” she shrugged, turning around to face him still holding up the packet of biscuits.

“Well what am I going to eat when I come to your house for a cup of tea.”

“I don’t think you’ve ever come to my house for a cup of tea.”

“Well I would if you had these biscuits.” She rolled her eyes at him and crossed her arms, giving him a defeated look.

“Fine,” James cheered and threw them in the trolley, “but you better come over for a cup of tea, James Potter.”

He gave her a cheeky grin and pushed the trolley so it purposefully and gently hit her front.

“I promise.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” she scoffed causing the group of girls to share a look. “It’s just grocery shopping.”

“But don’t you think it’s so ‘couply’?” Mary asked causing the crease to reappear on her friends forehead.

“It gives the brain the wrong idea,” Drocas explained and they all murmured their agreement.

“Like building furniture,” Marlene chimed in. They all chimed in in agreement and the crease on her forehead deepened as her lips turned into a frown.

“James, I need your help.” She had called him the day after she had moved into her apartment. Everything had been brought into the house (with James’ help) and today she was going to put everything away.

James had offered to come over and help, but she had already put him out when he helped her move everything in so she declined. But here she was, swallowing her pride, and asking him to come over and help her put together her bedframe.

“What do you need?” James Potter’s voice rang through her phone and she wondered if he could tell she was pouting.

“I’m really sorry to bother you again, but I don’t know how to assemble my bedframe and I’ve tried but it just won’t work and I don’t know who else would know-”

“Open your door,” he cut her off.

“What?”

“Open your door.” She raced over to the door and when she opened it, James Potter was standing there, using his shoulder to push his phone up to his ear while he held his tools in both hands. “Didn't think I’d leave you to do all this by yourself did you?”

She hung up the phone and let him in.

“You’re the best,” she said.

She repeated those words a lot that day. She repeated it when they entered the bedroom and James said, “why don’t you go unpack some of the boxes, this won’t take me to long.”

“You’re the best,” she said, putting her arms up and around his neck as he placed them gently around her waist.

“I know.”

She took the opportunity to take her clothes out and put them in her wardrobe. It needed to be done and it gave her a chance to keep James company. She didn’t feel right leaving him by himself when he had so generously offered his help.

She watched him move the bedframe, his arms tense under the slight weight. The way his sleeves clnug to his biceps. She wondered where James learnt how to use all of the tools he had brought over. His hammer and his screwdriver and the drill that made her flinch everytime he turned it on.

When he finished he turned to her awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

“This s random and I’ll obviously give you something better, but these are yours.” He handed over a small box of tools. She gave him a confused look, but took the toolbox regardless. “It’s just the basics, you’ll need them for around here and I’m sure I’ll get more use out of them than you, but it saves me bringing my own over every time, so really, it’s a present for me.” He was speaking fast and almost rambling so when he paused to take a breath she cut him off.

“You’re the best.”

“And don’t even get me started if he puts together a bed,” Lily laughed making the other three girls laugh. All she could do was roll her eyes.

“This is so immature,” she argued, “these are all adult things that are so common. You can do these things with anyone, it doesn’t change anything just because it’s a boy.”

“Well it doesn’t have to be adult things,” Dorcas argued back, “like,” she trailed off trying to think, “if you touch their hair.”

“Yes,” Mary agreed, “any hair touching is just an invitation for feelings to arrive.”

“Can I braid your hair?” James Potter asked her one night when she was over his house watching a movie that he made her watch when she admitted she hadn’t seen it.

“Why?” They were both sitting on the lounge next to each other and she turned to face him at the question.

“It soothes me,” he was joking with her but she still nodded and took her hair out of her scrunchie. “C’mere,” he mumbled, sitting back into the lounge and spreading his legs so she could sit in front of him.

She stood up just to sit back down. It was squishy on the lounge, but it was warmer than the cold floor and James was tall enough to see over her head.

He combed it through with his fingers and she shivered.

“Sorry,” he giggled, not sounding sorry at all.

“Its fine,” she whispered, her voice so soft he wouldn’t have heard her if she wasn’t so close.

He parted her hair and started braiding. He was clumsy and unsure, but he was gentle and was always asking if it felt good. She nodded each time, humming a yes before he’d continue.

When he finished he squeezed her shoulders and told her to show him. She turned her body so he could have a look and his whole face broke out into a grin.

“Beautiful,” he mumbled, pausing a bit too long before he continued, “thanks to your expert braider.”

She could feel that they were loose and she could see strands already falling out but she smiled at him and said, “thank you, expert braider.”

They were almost gigglinig, staring at each other and smiling before James broke the silence.

“Okay, back to the movie, you need to pay attention because I will be quizzng you once it’s over.” His hands found their way around her waist and so she didn’t bother moving.

She was warm here anyway.

“I touch your hair all the time and you touch mine,” she reminded the group who were all giggling.

“Yeah but it’s not hot when you touch my hair,” Marlene laughed, “but if a boy touched my hair?” She let out a noise that sounded like a moan. “I’d be down bad.” She scoffed at her friend, but she seemed to be the only one in disagreement.

“Do you know what always gets me?” Mary asked making the group turn to her. “When they’re driving and they reverse out and they do that thing where they turn around and-”

“Don’t even go there,” Dorcas said, already making a face of agreement.

“It’s why you shouldn’t let a boy drive,” Lily said and they all hummed in agreement.

“I can’t reverse park,” she admitted to James Potter, sitting in his passenger seat as he drove through the car park trying to find a parking spot.

“You can’t reverse park?” He asked, his eyes flickering to her.

“I can’t reverse park.” She confirmed.

“It’s easy,” he said, “I’ll teach you.” She didn’t say anything, but just smiled as James finally found a spot.

“Okay, teach me your technique.” She said causing James’ lips to quirk upwards.

“Okay,” he said, clearing his throat. “So first, you indicate,” he said, turning to her as he put his indicator on. She rolled her eyes. “It’s a simple step that a lot of people forget and it’s not fair to the person behind you.”

“Step one, indicate.” She repeated and James nodded.

“Then you just drive forward and angle the car,” he said as he did just that, “you put the car in reverse,” he did that, “and park.”

He turned around, putting his hand on the back of her seat and turning around to make sure he didn’t hit the pole.

“You make it sound so easy.” She scoffed, playfully rolling her eyes at his explanation.

“Because it is,” he argued, turning to look at her. His arm was still on the back of her seat and his body was still partially twisted.

His shirt was creasing around his abdomen and his cologne was filling up her senses. He was wearing his glasses today and they had slipped down his nose. She wanted to push them back up but he had finished reversing and had turned back around to put his car in park.

“I’m serious though,” he said turning to her, “next time you drive and I’ll walk you through it.”

“Okay,” she sighed, “maybe that I understand.”

“See,” Marlene exclaimed, “now you know what we mean.”

“No,” she argued, “I can just see how that would be attractive, it doesn’t mean that you automatically fall for someone when they do all of these things.”

“Speaking of driving,” Lily chimed in, the group completely ignoring what their friend had just said, “no picking up the other after eleven at night.”

“Oh definitely not,” Dorcas agreed, “and don’t ask them to pick you up either.”

“Who knows what will happen on the way home,” Marlene added and they all hummed in agreement.

“Are you okay?” James Potter’s voice was in her ear the second she had sent him a text asking to pick her up.

“Yeah,” she hiccuped, “I’m fine, I’ve just had enough and really want to go home. I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m too scared to go home by myself.”

“I’d be upset if you didn't call me,” James said and she let herself smile slightly. “Where are you?”

“I’ll share my location with you.” She brought the phone away from her ear to do so and when she brought it back up she heard James’ notification come through.

“Okay, maps tells me I’ll be there in fourteen minutes.”

“James?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you stay on the phone with me?”

“Of course.”

She had gone out with friends from work, but after 12am she had lost them and when she realised that they had all left the club, she went into the bathroom and messaged James, hoping he was still awake.

When she got into his car he was in a pair of plaid pyjama pants and a loose black top that hugged his arms.

“Thank you,” she hiccuped, “sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said in a tone that made her believe that it actually was okay. “When you told me you’d get home by ‘playing it by ear’ I knew I’d come pick you up anyway. Did you have a goodnight.”

She had had quite a lot to drink, but when she turned over to look at James she knew that it had been a successful night.

“Yeah,” she hummed and James’ eyes flickered over to her as they both shared a smile.

“Feelings change anytime after ten, you cannot trust yourself or anyone else after ten when it comes to emotions,” Mary said and even she had to agree with Mary on that one.

“And I’d argue early in the morning as well,” Marlene started, “like, you can’t make breakfast with him for example.”

“Oh definitely not,” Lily agreed, “like I’ve said, it confuses your brain.”

“I’d even say you can sleep over, but just don’t make breakfast together.”

“How are you feeling?” James Potter asked when she made her way into his kitchen the morning after he had picked her up.

“Okay, my head hurts a little but I took the aspirin, thank you.” She said, referring to the aspirin James had left on her bedside table in his spare room for her to take in the morning.

“What do you feel like for breakfast?” He was sitting down at the dining table and she went over to hs fridge and opened it.

“Bacon and eggs?”

“Sounds good,” he said gettng up and taking the carton of eggs and packet of bacon out of her hands.

He got out a pan and she got out the oil.

As he turned the stove on she walked around him and got his bread, putting a two slices into the toaster.

James put the oil in once the pan heated up and put the bacon on and cracked the eggs. She grabbed the items from him and put them back in the fridge.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked, leaning against the bench as he let it cook.

“Yeah,” she nodded, “thank you agan for picking me up and for letting me crash here and for letting me borrow your clothes,” she wanted to add that she was thankful for them even if she was swimming in them but James cut her off.

“Don’t be stupid, it was all nothing I’m just glad you’re here safe.”

“Do you get what we mean?” Dorcas asked the frowning girl and she sighed.

“Okay,” she racked her brain trying to think of something, “like you wouldn’t watch the finale of a show with them?” Her voice got higher as she offered her experience, asking to see if she was right.

“Yes!” They all exclaimed, glad their friend finally understood.

“The emotions are too high it’s too much,” Mary shook her head and they all agreed.

“I’m actually upset that it’s ending,” she said to James Potter who was sitting on her couch, hogging the blankets. She had brought a large bowl of popcorn with her and when she sat next to him, he put his hand in and grabbed a handful.

“Me too,” James agreed, swallowing his mouthful of popcorn before he replied. “It’s been fun watching this with you,” he said, poking her side, “even if you talk throughout the whole thing.”

“I do not!” She exclaimed, pausing before she ate her mouthful of popcorn.

“You so do,” he laughed, “I’m going to count how many times you talk throughout the episode.” She pouted at him and he smiled down at her, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes and took another handful of popcorn.

When the show ended, she had her head rested on his shoulder and James had taken off his glasses to wipe at his eyes.

“That was such a sad ending,” she whined wiping her nose with the back of her hand. The empty popcorn bowl was placed next to her and she lifted her head to look at James. His cheeks had a slight rosy tint to them and his eyes were puffy making her want to smile.

“Twenty nine,” he said, making her tears dry up as she cocked her head at him in confusion. “You spoke twenty nine times throughout the episode.”

“You’re such a dick,” she scoffed, slightly slapping his shoulder. He laughed and grabbed onto her wrist so she couldn’t get away.

“I told you I’d count.”

“Oh and you cannot buy alcohol with them,” Marlene continued, “kind of like shopping with them but also explicitly, no alcohol purchasing.”

“Especially sharing with them, like you cannot buy alcohol with the intent of sharing it,” Dorcus added on and they all agreed.

“Whenever alcohol is involved it’s usually a ‘no’.” Mary said and she sighed as she recounted the last time she had bought alcohol.

“I want something sweet,” James Potter told her as they walked around the alcohol shop trying to figure out what to bring to Remus’ birthday.

“Me too, I don’t like drinking unless I can’t taste the alcohol.” She had her arms crossed around her chest as they walked through the shop and James brought his arms to his chest as he exclaimed, “Me too!”

“What about this?” She asked, pointing to a six pack of something pink.

James picked it up and read the label.

“Ooh,” he hummed, “guava.”

“Guava sounds nice.”

“Guava does sound nice,” he agreed. “Should we get it?”

“Are you sure you’re happy to share it with me?”

“Of course,” he smiled, changing his grip on it as he walked over to the counter. She trailed behind him, opening her wallet to get out her card.

He put the drinks on the counter and started a friendly conversation with the cashier. When the price came up on the machine, he nudged her with his arm so she couldn’t reach it with her card.

“Please,” he scoffed, “I’ve got it.” He thanked the cashier and took the drinks with him, causing her to speed up to try to catch up with him.

“You didn’t have to,” she huffed.

“That’s a funny sounding thank you.” He was still a few feet in front of her, but she knew he was smirking even if she couldn’t see it.

“Thank you, James.”

“Much better.”

“Yes and no one is allowed to throw up in front of anyone,” Mary emphasised. “Drink as much as you want and throw up if you have to, but they are not allowed to watch.”

“Come on,” the girl complained, “there is nothing attractive about vomit, you will not get attached from that.”

“Well how can you know if it hasn’t happened to you?” Dorcas argued and she rolled her eyes as she slipped back into another memory.

“I don’t feel great,” James Potter whispered into her ear at Sirius Black’s birthday.

“I think you drank too much.” She told him and he shook his head before he realised it made it worse and put instead his head in his hands. “C’mere,” she mumbled, reaching out for his hand and dragging him up into Sirius’ spare bedroom.

She shut the door behind her as James basically fell onto the bed. His face was smooshed into the pillows and she sat down next to him and rubbed his back with the palm of her hand.

“Everything’s spinning,” he whined, turning his head to face her. She chuckled softly at the way his eyes were closed and his face was scrunched up.

She liked drunk James. Usually he was the sober one, making sure everyone else was okay, but he somehow got softer and funnier and louder and more excitable all at the same time.

“I,” he hiccuped, “I,” he opened his eyes, “I think i’m going to be sick.” She had never seen James move so fast as he made his way into the ensuite in the spare room and pushed the toilet lid up before she heard him empty out whatever was making him sick.

She cringed at the noise, but still forced herself up and made her way into the bathroom. She knelt beside him and continued rubbing his back.

When he had emptied everything out and flushed the toilet, he put his hands in his face and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he said, resting his head on his shoulder and pouting over at her, “I’m a horrible friend.”

“You are not,” she argued, a little too forcibly, “you’ve always delt with vomiting people it’s about time you’re the one vomiting.” He gave her a weak smile and closed his eyes again.

“I feel so unattractive,” he sighed.

“You’re still very pretty,” she whispered, pushing his hair back from his forehead. He opened his eyes slowly and smiled at her and for a moment she wasn’t even grossed out by the contents that were just in the toilet.

“It has happened to me,” she said indignantly and Marlene sighed.

“Let me guess, it happened with James.” She shot Marlene a dirty look.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d done all of them with him,” Lily giggled and she bit back a retort knowing that the red head was right.

“You and James have broken all of the rules though, remember that time you plucked his eyebrows?” Dorcas asked.

“Another thing you shouldn’t do,” Mary pointed out and they all nodded.

“James?” She asked, putting on her sweetest voice. He was sitting on her lounge, flicking through his phone and he looked up when he heard her voice. “Remember that time I let you braid my hair?” He hummed.

“What do you want?”

“Can I pluck your eyebrows?” James had thick, bushy eyebrows and for the most part, they were neat, but she just wasn’t to tidy them up.

James sighed. “Won’t it hurt?”

“C’mon,” she whined, “I do it all the time and I’ve survived.”

He sighed again. “Fine. But I want one of those teddy bear biscuits when I’m done.”

She laughed. “I’ll even make you a cup of tea with it.”

He was still sat on the lounge and she was hovering over him, pulling at the skin near his eyebrow as she plucked the first hair.

“Ow.” He exclaimed, but his tone made her roll her eyes, knowing it didn’t hurt.

“You’re such a baby.”

“Am not,” he pouted, looking up at her.

“Then be quiet,” she said as she plucked the next hair.

James kept his eyes open. He was inches away from her face. She had taken his glasses off so his vision was a little blurry, but he could make out the tiny freckle on her cheek and he knew she was wearing the earrings he had bought her for Christmas.

He could feel her breath and he was so focused on syncing his own breath with hers that he almost jumped when someone walked through her door.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Marlene asked, the other three girls trailing behind her.

“You do everything with him,” Mary continued.

“It’s because we’re friends,” she argued, “just like us.”

“Sure,” Marlene mumbled under her breath, but she went unheard.

“Like I’d get ready to go out with you and I’d get ready to go out with him.”

“Another thing you shouldn’t do,” Lily exclaimed making her roll her eyes.

“I just need to do my makeup and I’ll be ready.”

“Okay, I’ll watch you.”

“Great.”

James sat on her bed while she sat at her vanity and started getting various products out.

“Tell me what you’re doing.” James said making her pause and look back at him through the mirror.

“Puttinig my makeup on?”

“No,” he laughed, “like what each product does.”

“Oh,” she giggled, realising what he meant, “well this is primer, it just primes my face,” she trailed off as she started putting it on her face.

“Makes sense,” James said, a smile tugging on his lips. He was already dressed. A pair of black pants that looked like they were made for him and a nice button down shirt that she had picked out for him last time they went shopping.

She had done her hair, but she still needed to finish her makeup and get ready, she was currently just in a pair of tracksuit pants and an old loose top.

“And then this is setting spray,” she explained as she sprayed it on her face. James smiled as he watched her face scrunch up at the sensation before she forced herself to relax her features.

He had sat there throughout her whole explanation, listening intently and asking questions as she went through her routine.

“Okay, I’ll just get dressed and I’m ready.”

James turned around as she got her dress from the hanger and started getting undressed.

“How am I going for time?”

“We stll have fifteen minutes.”

“Perfect.”

The noise of her cloothes was rustling filled the room as they paused in conversation. But as she put her dress on, she called out to James.

Instinctively he turned around, but when he remembered she was getting changed, he covered his eyes with his hands.

“Sorry,” he apologised, already turning back around, “habit.”

She giggled at him and walked over so she was standing in front of him with her back facing him.

“Thank you, but I did want you to turn around, can you please do my zipper?”

“Oh, sure.” James stood up and pinched the end of the fabric in between his thumb and forefinger as he pulled the zipper up.

He tried not to focus on her bare back or the way her shoulders rose and fell with each breath.

She could feel his breath tickle the back of her nack and she tried not to focus on how close he was to her.

“All done,” he whispered and she turned around to face him and smile, “you look beautiful.”

“You’re all benig ridiculous,” she scoffed, “I’ve done all of those things with James and I still only see him as a brother and nothing more. I have not gotten attached and I don’t have feelings for him.”

“What about the time you spent your birthday with him?” Mary challenged and she cursed herself for ever telling her friends that.

“Another thing you shouldn’t do,” Dorcas pointed out.

“Happy birthday sweetheart!” James Potter’s face was filling the screen on her phone. It was 12am and he had woken her up with his call, but she didn’t mind. “I had to be the first person to wish you a happy birthday.” She smiled at him, even if he couldn’t really see it with the light from her phone being the only source of illumination.

“Thank you, James.”

“I know we’re all going out tonight, but what’s the birthday girl’s plans for the day?”

“Not much,” she shrugged, pulling the blanket up towards her face, “everyone’s busy or at work so i’m just preparing for my birthday bash tonight.”

“That’s not good enough,” James said seriously, “I’ll come over and we’ll do somethinig.”

“No James,” she sighed, “you have work today.”

“That’s not as important as you, I’ll just take the day off.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking me to do it.”

“James,” She whined and he smiled at her. “I’ll come over at ten and we’ll go for brunch, sound good?”

“I don’t expect you to do this.”

“I know, but I want to,” he said, “believe it or not, I like spending time with you.”

And that was apparently true because after brunch he took her to a park and laid down the spare blanket in his car on the grass so they could sit and enjoy the sunshine that he swore had come out just for her.

And then after that he took her back to hers where he let her win at her favourite board game. He let her go home to get ready for her celebration with their friends, but after an hour he was back there to pick her up and he brought her to the restaurant.

After she had had a few too many drinks nad was telling the girls the lengths James had gone to to make her day so special, she accidentally said, “it was like we were a couple!” And it seemed her friends weren’t going to let her forget.

“Whatever,” she scoffed. “I was really drunk and maybe it was like we were a couple, but it doesn’t mean we are.”

“And why aren’t you?” Lily asked.

“Because we’re just friends,” she exclaimed.

“James wants more,” Marlene said as if it was the most casual thing in the world.

“He does not,” she argued.

“He has never taken a day off for my birthday, last year he didn’t even ring me until lunch time.” Marlene said.

“I don’t think James knows any of my favourites, if he had to do all of my favourite things on my birthday I don’t think he’d know what to do,” Mary chimed in.

“You don’t give him enough credit,” she argued, “he would know, he is just a good friend.”

“Aren’t you doing something with him tonight?” Dorcas asked.

“Yeah,” she said, not wanting to tell them what after this conversation.

“What are you doing?” Lily inquired, ruining her plan.

“Stargazing.”

There was a beat of silence.

“I swear if someone says that’s another thing you shouldn’t do then I am leaving.”

Everyone looked at each other causing the frowning girl to sigh.

Thankfully, the four girls changed the topic of conversation, but unfortunately, she couldn’t stop thinking about it.

She wasn’t dumb. She knew what her feelings were, but she had such a great friendship wth James and she wasn’t willing to give it up for feelings that may not even be reciprocated.

But maybe she was sick of the glances her friends had shared throughout the entire conversation and that they had been sharing ever since her and James had met.

It was probably why that night when she was wrapped up in one of Jame’s jumpers that smelt like him, lying on the same mat he had brought out from his car when he had taken her to that park on her birthday she turned to him and said his name.

“What’s up, sweetheart?” He asked, turning over to her as well. “Are you warm?”

“Yeah, thanks for lending me your jacket.”

“Can’t have you shivering the whole night, can we? I’ve always wanted to stargaze you know,” he said, looking back up at the sky, “the stars are so pretty, although I can never see the shapes they make, maybe I need better glasses, or-”

“James?” She didn’t mean to interrupt him but she didn’t know if she’d have the confidence to go through with it if the moment passed.

“Yeah?”

She blinked slowly at him. She was gonig to do this.

“I have to tell you something but I don’t want it to ruin our friendship.”

“Okay,” James said, his heart pounding in his chest.

“I like you. More than a friend.”

#james potter #james potter fluff #james potter imagine #james potter blurb #marauders #marauders blurb #marauders fluff #marauders imagine #harry potter #harry potter fluff #harry potter imagine #harry potter blurb #jp #jpb #jpf

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pliablehead · 7 months

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I guess if I want to write a travelogue/write up post about my 4-stop journey following the first chunk of Everything Everything's 2023 US tour then I have to just... do it!! If this is of interest to anyone other than me then GREAT and if not then it's still special to me to try to write down and remember everything I can uwu

FIRST STOP WASHINGTO-- wait, no, actually, first stop, on my way out of town, the local donut shop in my neighborhood, a place that I absolutely adore and patronize all the time with staff who mostly know me by now/some of whom are my instagram friends/etc. i'd checked with the Pittsburgh venue ahead of time to see if it was okay to send in outside food as a gift to the band even though they have a cafe/bar in their own right, and whoever I corresponded with said it would be totally fine, so I talked to the donut shop manager and set up a delivery of a dozen for the lads for Saturday before their show here. advance paid for that, as well as getting my own breakfast and coffee hehe, and then hit the road. OKAY FOR REAL FIRST STOP WASHINGTON DC!!! This was the second-longest leg of my Car Driving and it was definitely a wee bit exhausting but I had a podcast or two and a ton of E E on shuffle to bolster me through and I made it to my mom's friends' house, where I was staying, with relative ease. The venue was within a not-too-unreasonable walking distance too so after a change of clothes (I had very distinct and deliberate Show Outfits for each night that were fully separate from my travelin' clothes) and a bunch of fussing with the bracelets™ I headed over!! stopped for empanadas and a smoothie on the way and then queued up!!

aaaaahh this was such a nice fun queue. I was maybe about a dozen-ish people back from the front, down about half a block, and once I finished scarfing down my food this was my first real experience with doling out the bracelets. so fun! I'm glad it was basically an instant hit! AND I even got a few trades in this queue--one person gave me a Man Alive / Tin / E E bracelet with teeny tiny beads, super fun, and one person with a SHITTON of kandi stuff gave me one that had the name of a flower genus on it?? i think they said it was?? I love the colors on this one! And one person traded me a Blow Pop. lmao. I should eat that before it sits in my fanny pack for too long. I also really enjoyed chatting with the two guys right in front of me (Nick and Alex?), who were from south-central PA and had a couple other fandom touchstones in common with me (mcelroys/dnd/BDG! I love this Venn diagram!!) as well as a big love for E E. We didn't really see much of each other beyond the point of getting inside but I liked y'all a lot!! Hope you had as great a time as I did!!

Black Cat is where I saw E E the first time I EVER SAW THEM, which was almost exactly six years ago from this gig, which is insaaaane. The space is kind of narrow so there's not a huge amount of stage barrier space right at the front, so Becky and I ended up pretty much at the front but almost aa-all the way stage left/Jeremy-side. coulda been worse hehehe. We kind of loitered and chatted with nearby folks, I think maybe becky checked out merch ahead of the show ? but I kind of just held down the fort, enjoying setup stuff, pete running around etc hehe. getting BLASTED by the AC, which was nice.

the ummmm the opener! our first experience with Pierre! I gotta say his general style is not for me, despite the fact that I do think he's very talented and good at the thing he's doing. this first night especially he was SO sweaty and I felt bad for him lmao, you could like see it dripping off him. i am so curious as to why/how he got paired with the boys for this tour, like, what aligned in such a way that this match was made, because my general vibe on the crowd/his audience/etc was that we the fans of the nerdy white english mathy rocker guys were not exactly his demo LOL. BUT i will say in DC I do think he had one little pocket of strong-contingency fans because I kept hearing big whoops and cheers coming from one specific audience spot and I loved that for him lmao. for some reason i cannot explain I actually almost found his backing/support musician guy (the guy who was basically his version of peter) more compelling. I wanna know THAT dude's story lol.

so when he finished up we had a little interlude aaaannndd the setlist appeared... hehe. I could def have peered up to look at it from where I was, but I was telling myself I wanted to be surprised, and was deliberately looking away........ until suddenly everyone around me was gasping and going HOLY SHIT and I was like, ugghhh okay, I will check JUST enough to figure out what that's all about, and what that was all about was immediately apparent because smack in the middle of the set were a Man Alive track (which we never get in the states bar MY KZ) and something that just said "New Song." AND LIKE, OKAY, THAT'S A JUSTIFIED HOLY SHIT. new song????? so now we had THAT to contend with coming up, and aaaaaaah. ahh. yeah holy shit indeed.

it's also while we're standing there that AG pops into view, (or maybe I first spotted him during Pierre's set? Chronology is irrelevant), back off behind Becky from me in the other direction, and we waved over at him to say hi and he says to us, "All four of them are bleached blond." And my gut instinct was to be like, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU, but also the truth in my heart was that there was absolutely no justification for not believing them, because of course they would, and sure enough these bozos roll out onto the stage and they are all four draco malfoy-ass bleach blond. God it looks a mess on Jeremy LOL and while the color/dye job wasn't bad on Alex, it was clear his finer hair wasn't holding up as well against the chemicals because it was just a fluffy riot mess. BUT GOD IT WAS REALLY SO INCREDIBLY STRIKING OF A VISUAL for them to be all be wearing all pure white/beige clothes and then to have this bleach-white hair and all of it catching and glowing under the stage lights... god... clearly the effect they were going for and it WORKED, IT REALLY DID. I think it looks so damn goofy (mostly on jez) out of context but it's ABSOLUTELY nailing the Everything Everything Gig Costumes energy/uniform thing that I felt like they'd drifted away from a little the past couple tour cycles, I'm so incredibly here for it

The set!!!! The gig!!!!!!! it wasn't a wildly different set from what we'd seen in CA last year, obviously RDF-heavy supplemented with a heaping helping of singles from the other albums too, but I remember thinking Leviathan and Pizza Boy were especially excellent aaaah. And Schoolin'! And the NEW SONG! The two pieces of it I IMMEDIATELY absorbed and retained were 'the image of a little yellow face to tell you that I'm sorry' and 'I love you like an atom bomb,' and I was spouting those two pieces back to anyone who wanted to talk to me about it for the rest of the night. I'm so lyrics-pilled/vocalist-biased. Which was.... Unfortunate, for this DC gig, because I do think the audio mix was pretty rough - at least from where we were standing so close to the front, I wonder if it was at least a tiny bit better further back into the crowd in the area the sound system was probably primarily calibrated for - and we were REALLY losing Jon in the mix, especially underneath how enthusiastically the crowd was singing along a lot of the time. We were on Jeremy's side of the stage and we were really just getting a LOT of Jeremy. (Which, the bass did sound absolutely fantastic, so hard to complain about that, at least, but still.) I was very thankful to be going to a few more gigs beyond this one so that this wasn't my only experience with it, especially New Song!!! Plus there were a bunch of other little tech difficulties too? Near the beginning of the new song, Jon's guitar strap came detached and wouldn't reconnect, and after struggling a bit with that he decided to just drift back and pass it off the stage to their tech guy--but he was still kind of singing/holding the mic, so as he moved on stage, the mic cable yanked the microphone stand straight over, too. Then the rest of the night that stand was pretty precarious and nearly fell two other times, only caught at the last minute by a true homie who was standing directly in front of it in the audience lmao. I think Becky yelled HIRE HIM! at one point. Annnnd also for like a whole verse of NOTLK jez's bass boards just kind of Gave Up. He tried switching to his other instrument but that wasn't working either, and then finally it all sort of came back online, so he played a little stretch with the wrong bass and then was able to switch back to the right bass when there was a lull in his part. SHAMBLES. lmfao. god it was a great gig though. SO FUCKING GOOD TO BE BACK I LOVE BAND UWAAAAAHH I WAS SO SWEATY AND HAPPY

afterrrr da gig, we needed very badly to drink water and so we managed to do that I believe, and we kind of loitered in the Merch Line Situation trying to figure out what was going on. I had kind of resolved not to buy merch until at least NY, part because I really didn't want to be lugging anything around with me for too much of my trip (esp on this night where I walked) and part because I'd read a post that Irving Plaza was among the venues who'd committed to not taking a cut of band merch sales and letting them keep it all, and I was like, well obvi that's where I want to spend my money. Plus it was cash only in DC and since I'd kind of told myself NY I didn't even have cash out, so it was nothing. BUT!!! homie Adrian whomst I had met at the DC Foals show last December had been there, a few people ahead of me in the queue and also rocking out yaayyy, and he was trying to get merch but the ATM inside the venue literally did not have any more cash left inside it to dispense because everyone was taking out so much of it to buy merch AAAH. so he reached out to me like 'you're going to more shows than just this one right?' and asked if I'd pick him up the stuff he wanted later and then mail it to him so he didn't have to contend with international shipping and I was like aaaah absolutely! yay gig comradeship!

so I think becky finally committed to getting in the merch line and I was mostly just waiting With Becky and there weren't a ton of people left because the venue was trying to clear out, but the handful of us who were still there, a wild Alex Robertshaw appeared up near the stage/bar. we vibed out whether he was receptive to Fan Bothering at this time but it seemed legit, so a bunch of us went over and socialized with him and took some pics, got some signatures, etc, woooo. We tried to vibe out from him also if the other guys were gonna be coming out, and when and where, but y'all know Alex is the awkwardest member of this band by a country mile and we didn't really have too coherent of a discourse at this point in time lmao. Not sure who talked to him about what at this point as I was just trying to hold down the fort and be Normal. I was able to give Alex the bracelet I'd made for him at this point (he was so cute studying on it and reading it ahaha - "rave-- kevin-- kevins rave KEVIN'S RAVE" and he smiled and I felt cool), and also meanwhile Pete was still running around stage doing roadietech type stuff and I sort of politely flagged him down like "do what you need to do if you need to do it but also: Hi lol" and I got to give him his bracelet as well! yay ♥. He complimented my shirt--I'd been getting a lot of compliments on it honestly, it's their Yellow Bird Project shirt that Jon designed some time ago, only I replaced the plain white sleeves of the original unisex tee with some sort of vermilion "girly fit" sleeves that are more comfy to me and kind of give the shirt a different look haha--and I sort of joked on that, said as much, oh, I swapped the sleeves out, "It's to cover up how sweaty I get." and Pete gave me a deadpan look and went "You don't even want to go there with me" and I was like "YEP I FEEL MUCH THE SAME" and I think we both enjoyed a moment of feeling very Seen about the sweatiness hehehehehe. I love Pete he is my heckin Friend With no additional merch purchases (merchases) (hm, no) the venue was finally for realsies ejecting us so we drifted back out into the streets and just like... okay... now what........ this was the point at which I think our Band Groupie-ing Crew became me, Becky, Danielle in the fox ears/tail, and a lanky youth named S.P. whom I'd talked to in line earlier while doling out bracelets (he had the good E E baseball cap; he asked for an Arc bracelet and I commended him for being an Arc fan, since I feel like they are a dwindling/rarer breed, and then I offered up my hot take that Violent Sun is just the second coming and second pass at Duet, which he thought was spicy, and then he asked for my most controversial E E take and I told him that I don't really like Tin very much and he told me he doesn't really like Shark Week very much and we agreed to disagree and have a good night LOL) (anyway I digress !). It was a warm enough night and none of us really had places to be so we didn't mind just loitering and trying to suss out some more Guys other than just Alex and Pete, but slowly but surely we became basically the only fans left sticking it out. so we stuck together! We split up to try to find if there was a rear stage door at the back and SP and I went one way (the long way RIP) and Becky and Danielle went the other way and it turns out the way that SP and I went was an alleyway just FULL of rats. Too many rats in DC!! People like to talk about rats in NYC but I saw WAY more in Washington just vibing out on the sidewalks and eating trash. I'm not anti-rat, they live there and deserve to live, but oh man it was just. I did not especially want a rat encounter LOL. The rat alley DID actually lead us to where the bus was though!!, but there was also a venue security guy there who was immediately like "Nope, back up, leave, bye" and we were like. understood have a nice day, and doubled around a different way to meet back up with the other two. wwwwelp.

We loitered a bunch more and eventually saw Alex and his homies like, AT LEAST two more times, but we ultimately never saw anyone else. They p much confirmed for us that because this was the first night of the tour, they had a really intense load-out, and everyone was jetlagged to all fuck, that they probably wouldn't ever make it out, even though at least once Alex had said something ambiguous/optimistic enough to imply that they might yet, but really it just got SO late that we couldn't justify still being there for nothing instead of being like. asleep. lol. SP and Danielle got rideshares, Becky and I walked back as far as her hotel together, and then I hiked the rest of my way back too and went the fuck to SLEEP!!! FIRST GIG IN THE BOOKS!! WHAT A LOVELY NIGHT GOD IT WAS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL TO BE SEEING THEM AGAIN ngl I think the blond is really attractive on Mike with his darker brows/beard and I'm always a sl*t for jonathan so like. beautiful. finally some delicious fucking food

it was super nice of my mom's friend to let me stay with him!!! I was so delighted to see his cats again, I remembered them from the last time I was there like six or so years ago, they're sooooo floofy and beautiful aahh. he also provided me with a white noise fan without me even asking which was SO choice. zzzzz. My plan was to get up in the morning, get coffee someplace nearby at wherever he recommended, and then hit the road forrrr... Philadelphia!!! Night two!!!! I got some breakfast tacos at a hella legit place, messed up my coffee/milk/sugar ratio ever so slightly but not in an undrinkable way, and then frickin. autobot rolled out. This drive was not bad at ALL, I timed it pretty much exactly like I planned it to, which was to: get to my friend's place where I was crashing in philly with, ideally, enough time to take a small nap before I had to do anything else, because, god, despite being pretty exhausted and sleeping okay on the nice guest bed in DC, I had BARELY slept the night before I left just from Travel Antsiness and from both staying up way later and waking up way earlier than I meant to unintentionally, and a second little recharge zzz before I went and did it all over again really hit the spot.

It was soooo nice to see Mads again and to see Mr. Angus and also meet BENNY!! More host cats!! They are suuuch silly good little lads, Mads and I had a ton of Kitty Chat and just vibing out and talking about concerts and fandom and stuff, I was so thankful she let me stay with her and getting to hang out was icing on the cake of this trip! She pointed me toward the trolley I'd need to take to get to the venue, and after my baby snzzz and drinking a ton of water and suiting up in my Arc-inspired look (literally just a sweatshirt dress I bought specifically because it was color-blocked very very much like the jackets/outfits they toured Arc in, I saw it and bought it immediately lmfao) I journeyed into the city, hoping to just find a place to eat in the vicinity of the gig! I was way closer up in the queue this time, the people in front of me were really just like.... the usual suspects, Annika+squad and David+squad (incl. Becky, who'd apparently already been there when I got there but wasn't there when I arrived), and also a super-nice woman immediately in front of me named Robin who I MEGA hit it off with!!! Hanging out with her was such an awesome part of my experience at this gig!!! she's COMPLETELY Offline which is so powerful for her but I hope there's some capacity in which we can continue to be friends because she ruled.

There was a Dominican(? I think) place like one block down from the venue where a couple in front of me had gotten some stuff and so I ran down there to snag food too and holy shit this man gave me so much goddamn food. Just a HUGE pile of rice and beans and some pork ribs, and I got a pineapple fanta, and I just popped a squat on the sidewalk and ate as much of it as I could which was probably not even half of what he gave me but it wasn't even that expensive so god bless. Once I wasn't dealing with my food sitch any more I was freed up to pass out a bunch of bracelets again, and I even got a couple more trades, one that was just a bunch of black beads and a bunch of Xs and one that says 'BUSSY' which I am elated about, thank you so fucking much lmao. Also someone offered to trade me an ibuprofen LOL and I was like no that's fine the bracelet can be free... for now, but I will keep that in mind if I change my mind later LOL aaahhh i was just so excited to give the bracelets out it was such a good vector for socializing and making Friends and Gig Buddies. I did learn p quickly at Philly that I should have made way more Man Alive, GTH, and Raw Data feel bracelets because those were basically the first to go every night and then I got stuck with just sad unloved Re-Animators and AFDs :( I was trying to like! do equal amounts of everything to give everything the love because I love them all! but people got favorites out there damn lmao. I was happy to be able to give Robin the MY KZ one because she said that's the first song she ever heard by them and it's special to her because of that (and then also it's been in the touring set and she got to hear them perform it too yay!!! I don't remember if she said she'd seen them before but it had just been a very very long time, or what, idk, aaaah).

We were R I G H T on the stage at this venue, slightly more to Alex's side this time, and the lip/rise of the stage was not very high at ALL and it felt almost like... intimidating, or like it shouldn't have been ALLOWED, for us to be that close to the stage. :flushed emoji: jeez lmao. I didn't fuck w merch here either but some people around me did I think and I held their spots, and a nice kid from right behind me in the queue brought me a Liquid Death which was so incredibly sweet. Pierre's set passed much as it had in DC, lmao; his other musician guy had a sweet fit on, though, this like two-piece set that was a really really dark/muted camo, a blazer over a black top and then matching like athleisure-fit pants and black boots, it was a fuckin look. They had a song at the very end of Pierre's Philly set that I don't think they'd done in DC (and that I didn't get in PGH either, it turned out), and ironically that was actually probably far and away the song of his I enjoyed the most, so I got kind of into it there at the end! but MAN was I ready to see the boys instead. hnnnn.

LADS SO CLOSE TO ME. JUST RIGHT THERE AND SINGING AND ROCKING. the set was aaaalmost exactly the same as DC, but in Philly they shifted Bad Friday up out of the encore and back into the set proper, and then replaced it in the encore with Violent Sun, which I admit I'd been bummed to not see in DC because I think the Violent Sun/No Reptiles encore double whammy is so incredibly crucial to the vibe. Warmed me to have it back in. Obviously Pittsburgh had so many other contributing factors that put it over the edge, but if it weren't for all of those, I think Philly would've been my favorite/best experience of these four gigs. Jon was spicy (he sang so many of the Original Rejected naughty lyrics, this is where we got 'he's a vegetable now' for the first and only time and also the only gig of the four where he leaned into the 'Arch Jeremy' gag in Arch Enemy, hehehehe, plus also motherfuckin' distant past which is not uncommon), and we got way more of the New Song-- through the whisper network of Becky, AG, David, etc., etc., we'd pieced together enough info to know by now that apparently the title of the song was in the lyrics of the chorus, and so I think it was in Philly that we all pretty much determined/decided that this was Cold Reactor. I love you like an atom bomb and I've become a cold reactor. I wasn't diving as DEEP into SONG DECIPHERING as some other folks were, but I did like kind of working on it at my own pace and absorbing it into my heart and my understanding of the band and what they're about to start doing, and so this was really great, for me, here, beautiful, beautiful. I took almost NO pics and vids at this one because my phone was kind of dying but also mostly just because I was honestly having such an enormously great time and I didn't feel the need to try to do anything other than be present in my body at the gig and experience it live. you KNOW?? LIKE!! MUSIC. man. EDIT TO ADD: I forgot to mention a small tech flub that was actually so charming, where near the very end of Arch Enemy jon seemed to be having trouble with his guitar board in the front, and he spent so long in the outro squinting down at it and trying to resolve the issue that he didn't fully come in on the It's time to show your face! bit at the proper time, and he ended up just saying "It's time to show your face." right into the mic very unaffected and straight-up in his regular speaking voice at the very, very end when the song was basically over. lol. he is cute. everyone is cute.

(I WILL ALSO SAY I got the giggles SO BAD at david and amanda's gudetama they slipped onto the stage, oh my god--I was going to take a joke video just dramatically zooming in on it, as one does, except right when I went to do that it got caught up in jon's mic cable and just TUMBLED AND JOSTLED ALL OVER THE PLACE and that fucking GOT me and I was DYING and it was right at like. the serious, heartstring-tugging, fuck-yeah parts of No Reptiles where I'm supposed to be at CHURCH and instead I'm losing my shit into hysterics over this poor gudetama just rolling everywhere alksdhjglaksd, I had to bury my face in Becky's shoulder for a measure or more and try to recover, oh my godddd. EGGS!) -- (OH ALSO I LMAO I HAVE SEVERAL AUDIENCE MEMBER ~BITS THAT I AM DOING just like, clapping here or there, participating actively in certain parts of things, and one that I kept doing for some asshole clown reason was singing along with/lampshading Alex's quick backing vox on the second verse of Spring Sun Winter Dread-- Philly was probably the place where I was the most prominent/obvious/easy to see doing it, and it made both him and Jeremy REALLY snicker, ahahaha I'm sorryyyyyyy for being obnoxioussssss)

The merch/loitering sitch was sli-iiightly more locked down, in here; there was only so long Marty and I could pretend to be thinking about merch/hanging out with people who were actually in line but not actually being in line before they really truly wanted us to leave, and they were pretty pissed that I even left the venue with an empty/ice-only water cup, never mind any dreams of re-entry. The militant energy of the security at this venue compared to how relatively chill and normal DC had been (for two venues I would say of comparable size/seriousness) was def my least favorite part of the Philly experience. I was outside, finishing my water and chitchatting with some artsy youths who were also unimpressed with security, and Becky's messaging me like "they're in here!" and I'm like "well I'm not and I can't come back so you gotta tell them to come out here!" lmao. But they did!!! All the guys came out before too long and I very delightfully got to talk to everyone. I gave Mike and Jeremy the bracelets I'd made for them - THEY both apologized to ME outright for not coming out to chat the night before?? like hello you’re the band we’re the fans you don’t owe us anything - they kind of came toward my side of the door first, and talked and chatted some, vs Jon sort of peeling the other way to the other half of the loiterers - I honestly have lost track of the sequence of events here and what happened when, but it was largely unimportant hehe. (Gosh, but then I keep randomly remembering other unrelated details. Like, for example, Black Cat gave me their big ol' signature black cat hand stamp, and I'd been thinking, oh this will be fun to watch my four hand stamps stack from these four gigs, the way I got two together from The Altogether/Matt Duncan double feature back in July, and then Underground Arts put theirs on the INSIDE OF MY WRIST and not the back of my hand, and both Irving and T-Bird just did wristbands. BUMMER.) But mostly just Seeing Band, Talking To Band. This was when I overheard Alex definitely confirm to someone that the new song is called Cold Reactor, and he sort of half-seriously half-not said they just didn't call it that on the setlist in case there was another "New Song" they might want to decide to start playing there instead at the last minute, even though the longer this goes on the more confident we are that they're not going to do that and that Cold Reactor is gonna be a new single that probably drops once this tour is over <___< eyes emoji. Also, between Wednesday and Thursday we also knew that the bleach-blond hair is for Lore Reasons, which we assume are to do with Cold Reactor and the album it will be on, because of course it is. stupid. jonathan higgs I want to crawl inside your deranged pisces mind and meld with it vulcan style.

anyway, as far as my short term memory can be relied upon/will tell me is the truth, I think Jon was actually the last person I ended up in contact with on this night; I was drifting over toward him but someone else was still engaged in an active conversation with him, so I was like, well obviously I will wait my turn and let other people have jonathan time even though I'm the biggest jonathan girlie, I can just hang and go in when he frees up, and so I was turned slightly away from him listening in on other convos and talking to Becky and maybe Annika or a couple other people, and then suddenly there's a delicate hand on the back of my shoulder and Jon's right in my fucking ear ominously going "hello." askdjhgka. He was soooo cute and nice, I gave him the bracelet I made him as well (which was "I wanna be there" from Violent Sun and shades of re-animator orange) and he was immediately like Oh, of course you, are the bracelet distributor, and I was like hehehe yes, and he asked if I also had to do with the gudetama and I was like absolutely not I have no idea what is going on there lmfao. and I think amanda and david did take credit for it at that time of course so yes hehe. Ended up in a fun casual chitchat with Jon and Becky for most of the rest of the time here, with her trying to squeeze him for info about the new song and album and lore hehehe and him being his typical cryptic trolly cagey Jon, and it was all in incredibly good fun; he noticed her bracelet too, and she pointed it out like Yes I got the one that says This Is The Prophecy from big climb because it hearkens back to that bit they were doing on twitter from way before that song even came out so I gave her that one on purpose duh lol, and Jon says "Oooh yep I forgot about that. .. Album..." and mimed swiping his hair back like whoopsie lmao and it was such a silly little half-self-neg on Re-Animator lol, and so I said "WELP too bad! because the one I made from you is one of those too haha!" and he took another look at it as if to remind himself about it and then went "Well yeah that one's good" with a wryer wickeder laugh and I was like lmao tell us how you really feel. But like he's right violent sun is perfect and I actually labored so long over what I was going to have jon's say because he was the only person I didn't have a really solid concrete idea of what to make for and ALSO he was the only one I REALLY wanted to get PERFECT because it's important to me and yeah. so it was. reassuring for him to like the violent sun one. idk anyway.

The woman we'd seen running around doing a lot for them, including merch, who recognized us from DC the night before and was fun and glib about it, and who turns out to be: Tour Manager Sam, finally had enough of our fucking about and started very efficiently organizing us all into "everyone who wants a pic with themself + all four guys come get in Now and I'm gonna play photographer and then we all gotta go the fuck home" and I respected it SO much lmao, so we had sort of a rotating queue of group picture taking and then the guys all went back inside the venue (I kind of fingerguns'd Jon like "New York :D?" and he looked at me just SO Put Out and just deadpanned "Of course you're going to be there." of course!! lmfao) and we started talking amongst ourselves just out of reluctance to let the night end/social energy we still wanted to wallow in and that was cute and nice. I said goodbye to some folks who weren't going any further on the tour. I had such a wonderful night. Then, lo and behold, we turn around and Jeremy's up on the stoop of the venue, and he's like, I think I've locked myself out. I am locked out and I also don't have my phone on me. lmfao jez. he goes "I am going to blame jonathan" and we allowed him that. I was like, do you want me to TWEET AT SOMEONE LOL and he was like good god no they'll come back for me eventually, and then yes they did, and THEN we all left hahahaha. becky insisted on sticking with me part of the way to the trolley but I was like, it is coming in 14 minutes and it says it's gonna take me 12 minutes to get there I gotta GO!, and I freaking missed it anyway!!! and then I had to wait like OVER HALF AN HOUR MORE for the next one and i didn't even get ON the trolley till like 12:50 and it was soooo late before I was back at mads's place aiyaa. But, all in all, TRULY SUCH A GOOD NIGHT I JUST LOVE BEING IN AN ACTIVE BUZZY FANDOM SPACE AND MEETING FANS AND PARASOCIALING AND DANCING AND SINGING AND DOING ARTS N CRAFTS. you KNOW?? you know. you're on tumblr you get it.

The Philly to Jersey (pre-NYC) leg of my road tripping was set to be Thee shortest drive I had to make the whole time, so I let myself have time in the morning to keep snoozing and fucking about, even though I once again woke up way earlier than I'd hoped to and didn't ever make it back to sleep after that. But the tradeoff was still super nice and relaxing vibing with Madeline--I offered to buy her breakfast in exchange for the couch-crashin' and we got hella bagel sandwiches and cold brew from a place real close by her apartment, and scarfed 'em down while watching the most recent ep of Make Some Noise and just shooting the shit (again, largely about either fandom or kitty cats. We are simple folk). My sandwich contained salmon, a fried egg, and the most incredible sloppy caramelized onions, what a banger. The last truly good food I truly enjoyed before my mega super Travel Tummy set in and wrecked my whole shop metabolically speaking, rip. I took a little rinsy-rinse shower at her place too, and then finally made myself get up and Go to do the runaround silly business of driving to and parking in NJ, taking the ferry in to Manhattan, and then taking the subway to Allegra's place for NIGHT THREE IN NEW YORK CITY WOOOOO. I LOVE going to E E with Allegra!!!!! Once again I used her place primarily as a spot to change out of my car clothes and into my gig clothes (it's RDF night; I wore an oversized pale beige button-up shirt, actually left over from my Foals Antidotes costume from last halloween hahaha, gussied up with E E pins and jewelry) and to fuck about with bracelets. I made Allegra a special In Birdsong bracelet, the only one I did from that song :) because allegra is my special E E friend!! and she needs one of her special song!!! Fandom... is good. Allegra also had a kickass outfit. We stopped in at a tex-mex place she really wanted to try that was nearby the venue, and i got pretty nervous that it was gonna be a little late before doors for us to be hitting a sit-down dinner spot, but we rushed it along pretty well on the food and got our slice of dessert cake to go in a box and everything was A-OK. And I had time to hit a bodega for merch cash from the ATM and a pineapple soda for fortitude! let's GOOO irving plaza.

God, Irving was kind of a shitshow when it came to queuing and security though. There were a fair few people in line ahead of us, maybe just as many or slightly more than what I'd had in DC (definitely further back than Philly, although in line near us were the same also-eating-Dominican-food couple from the Philly gig, and I recognized them and was glad to see them again-- I FULLY DO NOT REMEMBER/DID NOT CATCH Y'ALL'S NAMES, AND I FEEL TERRIBLE BECAUSE WE HUNG OUT AND WORKED TOGETHER SO MUCH, i am so sorryyyyy), but then because it's not a sweet local friendly indie venue but is in fact Livenation As Hell, there's some person affiliated with the venue wandering up front offering some sort of VIP/fast pass line experience where you can just cough up some extra cash and get in your own special line and get to go in first regardless of how long other people have been queuing--you know the deal. Wack as hell. I think David and Amanda opted for this in some capacity, so I was happy for them about it, but a lot of the other people who ended up doing it had kind of rancid vibes of just like "concert-going" and not the very lovely communal sardine megafan energy everyone else had had thusfar. Also it put us where we were at in the queue standing in a place that just had a really terrible smell of sewage, which persisted almost the entire time we were there only to suddenly be replaced by a very powerful smell of bleach, as if whatever it was was suddenly being cleaned/sanitized. ICKY!! Annika was enough further ahead of us in line that I thought it might have only been over where we were but she said no she was definitely getting it too. new york city babey

Bracelet distribution got a little silly here, too, since the queue was wrapping SO far back and was being policed a little more stringently, but I had kind of figured I may need some kind of additional plan, especially since I'd decided not to wear my fanny pack (bum bag--fanny pack, says Jonathan Higgs in a derisive American accent, even as he's telling me he likes mine a lot, skdjshgalkj smh) since my shorts under my shirt had really capacious pockets and that just made for one less thing to worry about--I snagged a sheet of paper at Allegra's place, along with a gallon-size ziploc bag, and I put all the bracelets in there with a note that said to just take one if you wanted one and pass it back through the queue while we waited. It was kind of a crapshoot how effective I thought this was going to be, especially since I had to kind of wait to deploy it once there was a substantial queue BUT by the time there was a big queue it meant that I couldn't see exactly HOW big from where I was near-ish enough to the front, so I didn't know how far the bag was going to make it, if someone was going to end up stuck with my whole big bag at the back of the line (esp since I had a fair number of extra Philly bracelets left over that I lumped in with the NYC ones just because I still Had them).... whew...! BUT by the time Marty was there, he was further enough back from me that I asked him to kind of check up on it when it made it to him and keep passing it; and, by the time we were going inside, I could see zero sign of the bag itself but I DID catch a lot of people milling around me wearing bracelets, and one or two of them did stop me to thank me (since I'd indicated on my note in the bag that I was the person with green hair hahaha), and then I never saw 'em again, so I guess it was a relative success!! Yayyyyy!! WAY less conducive to making New Line Friends than the DC/Philly setup had been, but incredibly effective at making sure that all my bracelets found new homes rather than me having to take a huge handful home with me again and them just sitting in my house forever LOL. success! :)

tl;dr about the bracelets. not important compared to concert and band. WE GO INSIDE!! They have such dumb security/bag check. a gender-split process where the men get patted down by a dude guard and the women get patted down by a lady guard? In TYOOL 2023? you hate to see it. She felt the Sharpie in my back pocket and made me take it out and surrender it???? MY METALLIC BRONZE SHARPIE ? ? no sharpies in the venue I guess. Talked to at least one other person who got sharpie-confiscated too, but also at least two people who fully didn't and still had markers just fine. Absolute shenanigans. Allegra and I didn't quite get barrier due in part to fastpass line nonsense but we did end up right exactly behind Annika &co. with perfect sightlines, once again stage-left/Jeremy-ward-of-center. we don't hate it! my Philly pals to my left with David, Becky et al in front of them. Me fully surrounded by redheads. LOL.

this was the laaaatest show of my whole run, a whole lot of standing around just waiting for Band, and also definitely the energy of "trying to politely vibe to pierre kwenders's set because he can clearly see me and look straight at me even though I would much rather just skip to the bit I actually came for and don't necessarily need to see his set" just slowly increasing every night RIP lol. BUT WE MADE IT! ohhhh new york. EXACT same set as Philly but I couldn't even be mad about it because I was still so grateful to get a Man Alive song that wasn't just MY KZ (not that I don't love my kz obviously, but it HAS been in the set literally all eight times that I have seen E E live as of this Irving Plaza gig, and something else from that album is fun fresh delicious) (OH, SWEET THREEP OF FRIDAY EVENING, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW) and to be getting COLD REACTOR again, especially becaussseee by this point I knew just enough of the lyrics that I felt confident singing/mouthing along conspicuously with the parts that I Did know, aka I See You Sir I'm Doing The Thing Just Watch Me, god I wish I knew how to be not so fucking extra but then again no I don't. we did get saddled with some Rather Annoying audience members in our near vicinity--a couple I'd spotted in the fastpass line earlier wedged themselves hard between me and my tall redhead/mask-wearing homie from Philly, all like "ummm we're short :)" because they. were, but that didn't give them a right to be pushy and rude, and their vibes were kind of shit because the sense I got was they were mostly there because the girl really loved the band and the dude didn't know much about them at all, and also they were already drunk so early on in the set, and they were talking loudly with some other fans they'd just met and getting Lore™ explained to them and it was just a lot of. loud talking and shoving. in my vicinity. when I would have preferred for there to. not be. BUT Also materializing behind me was someone who said "I saw your bracelets on twitter do you still have any!!" and I had to be like UHHHH FUCK, NO, I turned them loose into the queue, did they not make it as far as you..?? and she sadly said no, and I was like, well the only one I have left is this one I just left on for tradesies/advertising purposes, and it says "akon in the butterfly house" so that's kind of a deep cut, if you're familiar-- and she went WAIT REALLY and seemed SUPER jazzed to get a Dave Sardine-ass bracelet and I was like OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT, GOOD, ACTUALLY, because I'd made four of these and I knew they were going to be the deepest cut/hardest sell and I was really really hoping that whoever ended up with them would actually get and appreciate them. so thank you, andrea, for being that person, and for appearing exactly when the bracelet needed it most. so glad to have hung with you this night. sorry that you too found yourself among the ranks of the sharpie-confiscatees.

ANYWAY, OTHER THAN THAT, THIS AUDIENCE WAS FIRE AND THIS GIG SLAPPED. We were finally in a space and an environment that REALLY lent itself to the crowd actually full on bouncing/dancing instead of just kind of wobbling and vibing and everyone in my immediate zone was really going hard. I LOVE this fucking BAND. I love every song by this band. I love when Jon just points the mic at the crowd and the entire crowd sings the whole song word for word and note for note. I love that Jon was still desperately trying to cram the name of the host city into the start of My Kz, despite the fact that "Washington" subs for "Lucifer" perfectly (he has done this both times I've seen them in DC lol) but "Philadelphia" is WAY too stupid long and "New York City," while a syllable shorter, scans metrically in an extremely busted way and you could have just said EN WHY CEE or. y'know. lucifer. but okay man you do you. Jon was just as rowdy as the rest of us lmfao. he was like, climbing up and down off Mike's riser, he was finding people who were taking photos/videos and staring directly into their cameras (me fucking included--I'm sorry, Jon, you can't make eye contact with me while singing the "When I saw you, I fell in love" part of Leviathan, I am pretty sure that is illegal and a crime against my humanity), and basically all the tracks from Get To Heaven (plus like, Cough Cough and NOTLK) blew the fucking roof off the place. I think he donked some My Kz lyrics hehehe he just skipped to the alt lyrics of the chorus too early without completing the standard chorus first at the end, and a little flubbo in NOTLK and a tiny stutter in No Reptiles too, everyone was just TOO ROWDY and he's THROWN LOOPY and man did we not care. I said multiple times to people on this tour that pretty much the closest things I've ever experienced to true Religion are a) being in an E E audience for No Reptiles and b) being in a Hedwig audience for Midnight Radio. they're the same spiritually in my heart and also like do people who love Jesus feel this way and is this why. insane. the cult leader imagery was Not Wrong!!!!!

I wanna MERCH! I got in the line not too long after the show wrapped, but true to reports I'd heard about the pre-show merch line, it was moving verrryy slowly, with just one guy manning it who was not exactly quick and a card reader that seemed pretty chuggy too (but hey, at least NY was taking card). I'd known I wanted the poster--it's got my favorite neon orange on it, it really really slaps, and I wanted something to get signed--but I let myself talk myself into a t-shirt too, mostly because I was REALLY excited to buy E E merch apparel that wasn't black or white. Yellow!! a really freaking good yellow!! I wish the yellow ones had actually had the tour dates on them like the black and white ones did but the yellow branding has been pretty exclusive to this leg of tour (i.e. vs the red branding of the west coast one last year) and it looks soooo good with my hair that I don't especially mind. I also knew that Adrian wanted a copy of Caps Lock On, but that he also wanted a shirt, but I hadn't heard back from him about which shirt or what size so I just got the book and my stuff and then bounced. Communique from outside was that Alex had surfaced but no one else, but that Alex had promised appearances by the rest of them, but that also Alex was already gone and unlikely to return by the time I made it outside. I posted up with all my friends from inside, god this was SUCH a good sardine squad this night, and it took some waiting but eventually the promises came true! All the other boys surfaced and we had some REALLY great fan chats and mingling this tiimmmmee. oh my gosh. A guy came with a Modern Bison CD that Jon and Jeremy were really truly overjoyed to see and to sign and take pictures with; I talked to Jeremy about the bracelets some more because he'd been wearing the one I gave him the WHOLE GIG IN NEW YORK SO LIKE THAT'S GONNA BE IN ANY PHOTOS THAT WERE TAKEN PROFESSIONALLY SPEAKING, oh my gosshhh, he was so nice about it and enjoyed that his Arch Jeremy matched my Arch Emily, the vibes were impeccable; and then I got everyone to sign my poster, but of course Alex was gone already, so Jon offers to forge Alex's signature and goes "look it's like this" and draws some loopy scribble on there and I'm like, lmao, sure.

thing was... I had absolutely heard Jeremy signing something for someone else the night before talking about how he was getting really good at forging Alex's signature for him, since I guess it's normal for him to be the one that disappears the sneakiest (god he really is just the Justin Craig of this band, it's 1:1, huh), and so when I told Jeremy this, he was like "I'll do it" and I was like "no Jon did already do it" and he was going to just leave it then, like, oh, well, okay, but then he saw the mess Jon had made and he was like "--that's quite dreadful actually-- the trick is to not overthink it--" and so now my poster has two forged Alex Robertshaw signatures and zero authentic ones. l m f a o. (To be fair, I do have other things they've all four signed, and Jeremy's fake Alex is at least passable, and Jon's fake Alex is Absolute Dogshit Nothing. I am obsessed.) I even got Peter to sign! He was talking with another fan about a gift she'd given them in the past that had sadly been part of what they lost in their studio fire, it was really heartbreaking to hear. He also thanked me again for his bracelet and told me he planned to give it to his daughter and that she would love it. We took a pic together! Pete the GOAT.

While I was making the rounds with the other boys and other fans, Allegra mostly in tow, swapping sharpies among those of us who still had them, Becky was back with Jon, taking a couple videos for people who weren't there in NY to talk about stuff that they were curious about--I think in the context of Maria, Becky said something like, she thinks the hair is crazy, and Jon said into the camera something like, "If you think it's crazy Now, give it like two or three more weeks, and you're really gonna think it's crazy." SIR WHAT. If the blond is a precursor to something else happening I'm gonna be so the opposite of normal about it, and if the bleach is a stepping stone toward the boys dyeing their hair Other colors I am going to be PROFOUNDLY NOT NORMAL ABOUT IT, AND IF ANY MEMBER OF THE MANCUNIAN ROCK BAND EVERYTHING EVERYTHING HAS THEIR HAIR DYED GREEN ANY TIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE I AM GOING TO BE ABSOLUTELY COMPLETELY INSUFFERABLE. tyler the creator unfollow me right now etc. etc. etc. The more I've thought about it I don't THINK this is what's up--my sense is that any Cold Reactor music video is probably already filmed and ready to drop alongside the single pretty quick after the tour ends, rather than being something they're going to film/put together entirely post-tour, so they probably needed the bleachblond for some energy similar to how I felt about them when they first walked on stage in DC, but Oh man...... OH MAN............ I digress. anyway.

following up from that, Allegra (I think? Or maybe still Becky and allegra was just Present) addressed the notion of the hair being related to the Lore, and like, did that mean lore for the single/the upcoming album ? ? which was what we were assuming, and Jon said some demented and ominous and extremely exciting phrase like, "The lore for this one is.... b o t t o m l e s s" in his always-startling real deep Jon voice, and that was the fucking sound bite of the evening, folks. FOLKS. ALLEGRA AND I WENT ALL THE WAY BACK TO HER APARTMENT JUST CONTINUALLY SAYING "THE LORE IS BOTTOMLESS!" my body is so god damn ready.

We bid farewells to all our friends for whom NYC was their final stop on this tour!! SAD!!!!!! Going to miss all the homies T___T it's not fair that we're not just all going to every single stop on this tour I don't think? it should actually be illegal for us not to be present when the band is performing?? the hugest RIP. Hugs exchanged all around. Me trying to say bye to Jon but he's engaged with someone else so I think I just awkwardly said "See you tomorrow" twice and then we left. becky maaaybe trying to last minute scramble to also come to pgh now despite not really having accounted for it in her plans originally ? ? I was not certain what she intended here but I supported her. yes. me, annika and AG for sure being there at least. we ride. Back to allegra's where I did, unfortunately, sleep ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLY/BASICALLY NOT AT ALL due to being so hot and stuffy in my little nest on the floor that it was making me nauseated, I think I got maybe 2.5 hours tops, but I didn't really have a choice because if I wanted to be back home in time to do ANYTHING other than just rock straight over to the queue for Thunderbird then I knew I was going to have to leave so GOD DAMN early in the morning to haul ass back to where my car was and then drive the seven hours to pgh. But I did exactly that!!!! bitch!!!!! Other than some issues like, managing to make a timely pit stop for gas/potty/coffee, I endured the miserable long roadtrip despite myself, raging my way through the poconos, downing the largest cold brew Wawa would sell me, having a truly tragic car vs quesadilla incident, etc. My BFF Francis even got on the phone with me for the last hour or so and we chatted and I got to give them the whole update on the tour thus far, so fun! They MIGHT try to go to the Chicago stop next week!!! if they feel like they can swing it, and I was like ok no pressure but also it's been an extraordinary experience for me thusfar and I highly recommend. So if you see Francis at E E Chicago please holler at them kindly from me!!! :) But at the very least they said they did want a T-shirt and venmo'd me money to buy them one, since I was already still gonna have to get one for Adrian. woooooo

I got home with, yeah, basically exactly enough time to shower, get my outfit together, and regroup before heading to the venue !!! I JUST BARELY missed the bus that would've gotten me there the most promptly, largely due to not being able to find another fucking Sharpie since irving plaza took my first one lmfao, and it ended up being quicker to walk there than to wait the 36 minutes it would've been for another bus or whatever. I still had MEGA travel tummy so I just snagged an apple and scarfed it down on the walk over. Annika was already there queuing! so we hung out in line together and waited and drank the waters we had definitely brought in from outside the bar and just vibed lol. and she was like, I heard them checking two new songs that haven't been in the setlist yet, and I was like ha ha lol like what, and she said, kevin's car and leave the engine room.

and listen, I was optimistic. that my social media obnoxiousness and well-known, easily observable public desires might yet sway them, because come on it's my hometown and it's the last show i'm gonna see on this tour and I sent them donuts, and those were MEANT as a KINDNESS and an ENTHUSIASM FOR DONUTS and not as a bribe, but if anyone wanted to interpret them as a bribe anyway whomst was I to say no, but like. just because I want the band i like to do a thing absolutely does not mean that they have to fucking do it. I want to be crystal clear that i have never at any point EXPECTED them to do this. i just. hoped. yearned in my heart of hearts. and also had very sound rationale for how possible/likely it was. Here's How Engie Room Can Still Win. yfm. but the soundcheck all but confirmed it in my soul for me. and I was like... glad, that she'd been there and caught it and could tell me about it, because it gave me time to like, come to terms with the reality of it, emotionally. AAH. AAAAAHHH, OKAY. BITCH, PLIABLE HEAD, IT'S ALL HAPPENING.

we lingered and watched the queue form behind us-- I spotted a kid I'd seen at the Philly show, god bless. Everywhere we turn, repeat customers. I was telling my work friend today, I feel like the US fanbase for E E is significantly smaller than the UK audience, but we make up for it in that we go fucking hard. Every US fan is a superfan. there are no half-assed american sardines. and that has been so BEAUTIFUL and means the WORLD to me to be sharing it with the other ones of you. Bracelet sharing rocked at this gig!! I had exactly as many as I'd set aside for Pittsburgh and no more, since all my spares had evaporated up at Irving, A new person ALSO HAD BRACELETS!!! LIKE, for realsies Made For Trading At This Show Specifically bracelets, it was suuuuch a delight, so in addition to my eclectic collection from the previous gigs I now also have one that says RAW DATA FEEL with some truly choice glow in the dark bric-a-brac on there as well, and my heart was so warm aaaaaah. fwiendship :) Also spotted in the pre-doors queue were the Pizza Boy costumed guy and a woman I met at Foals in 2019?? who I guess automatically recognizes me because of the green hair, but just. omg. the community!!!! I'm dying!!!!!!

There was a slight will-call kerfuffle that nevertheless did not stop me from being dead center dead at the front right in front of where jonathan's mic was destined to be, and I was like. god. here we go. the home stretch. This was ABSOLUTELY the WORST place to be to be pretending to be interested in pierre's set, because he kept looking straight at me and dog I gotta admit four shows in I was feeling pretty tired. like, the energy of E E Itself was going to fully reinvigorate me, but nearly everything else on the planet was like totally disinteresting and I wasn't really up for it, especially when it's my semi-sex-repulsed ace-spectrum ass being just really put off by the suggestive gyrations of a performer that is not to my tastes. UM SORRY BYE HAHA. they didn't even play the one song I kind of liked. I managed to miss like two and a half songs of his set being still locked in the merch line at least lmao. literally WHILE I WAS STANDING IN THE MERCH LINE they sold out of the yellow shirt and I couldn't get me and francis matchies so I had to get them the black instead :( but thankfully they still had the one Adrian wanted because idk what I would have done if I had to scramble for a plan B with him on short notice haha. and I had EXACTLY enough cash for the two shirts left from the day before and I was paying Tour Manager Sam with it like oh my gosh I'm so sorry this is like my sweaty pocket cash from last night this is kinda gross and she was just like, No actually that's honestly exactly how I've been rolling as well and it is kind of gross so like agreed hahaha. She's the best. Idk how long she'll be tenured to them but I'd love to see her continue to exist in like their coterie moving forward. impeccable vibes.

also used merch waiting as a way to distribute more bracelets and get a drink of water! WOOHOO NOW I AM READY TO RECEIVE MY COMMUNION THANK YOU. they put the setlists down and there was a very small fraction of me that wanted to avert my eyes but like I. I had to know. and annika said yes there are new songs in the list. and I peered into the list and my song was there.

hey guys. hey guys? look, this was for me. I have to be honest with you. i manifested this. by being annoying on twitter. by being god's specialest costume-making donut-gifting bracelet-slinging weirdo. I'm owning it and it's mine. I was exactly EXACTLY right with "well, if they put Engine Room in they'll probably take Leviathan out, because they'd kind of fill the same role of slow moody song in the set, and then they'll probably swap in a different non-Man Alive song to compensate for Engine Room being there instead," and this is exactly what happened, and so then not only did I get Engine Room but I also got REGRET, WHICH IS ALSO AN EMILY THREEPWILLOW PLIABLE HEAD SONG, BECAUSE HERE THESE NERDLORD KINGSHIT BANDBOYS ARE IN MY GODDAMN BACK YARD, they're in my house and god it took me the whole fucking set up to then to just prepare, like I had to try not to think about it so I could enjoy what was right in front of me. God it was so fucking, fucking good. our position along the stage had Alex's stuff REALLY forward in the mix which was kind of new for me, but jon was just right there and every time I lifted my hands to dance and to yearn it was like, the only thing stopping me from touching you is my own sense of propriety and not any kind of physical barrier or distance, and the person immediately behind me was seeing the band for the first time and felt similarly about NOTLK as I did to Engine Room and those two songs were literally back to back in the set so we kind of screamed and cried and died together, I gave her a huge hug, and LOL SORRY NOT SORRY THAT I GOT MY KZ AND LEVIATHAN TAKEN OUT OF THE SETLIST FOR Y'ALL, PITTSBURGH, I DO FEEL KIND OF BAD BUT THIS WAS UMMM IMPORTANT TO ME, THANK YOU, goodbye. goodbye I left the planet. I thought I was going to cry and I nearly did but I didn't, but I did actually maybe start hyperventilating. like I'm glad I knew it was coming ahead of time because if it had been a full surprise I think whatever was happening to my lungs would have been exponentially worse and I may have even fainted.

(which, btw: jonathan. jon. when he came out on stage, he almost immediately got his mic cable caught on the edge of where his setlist was taped down, and in jerking it around, he whipped the setlist up off the floor and way upstage toward where Pete was; when he finally put it to rights and taped it back down, he just left it where it was at, far enough away from me that I definitely could not read it anymore; and like DID YOU DO THAT ON PURPOSE? TO MOVE IT OUT OF MY LINE OF SIGHT, TO MAYBE KEEP ME FROM READING IT? SURELY YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT I'D ALREADY SEEN IT LIKE 15 MINUTES AGO. NICE TRY BUT IT'S TOO LATE I SAW EVERYTHING. i love him. i'm in physical pain.)

knowing this was my final one, I went so, so, incredibly hard, I let myself dance and mosh and scream and take way more pics and videos than I had before, I leaned on the lip of the stage, I had an absolute fucking blast. When the set was over a few other people who were more strategically positioned (i.e. people who had not had their most easily accessible setlists unceremoniously yoinked several feet away) snatched up the closest ones way quick; there was a general tension in the crowd at being able to see jon's, but it being further away out of reach, and one ballsy-ass kid (the "Kevin" person who'd accompanied the pizza boy person) actually clambored up onto the stage and ninja'd over and took it for himself, which inspired two copycats to do the same for some discarded guitar picks (and all of which definitely provoked a very loud, unimpressed, authoritative barking of "HEY!!!" from some security somewhere, like, they definitely shouldn't have done that!! yikes!!!!). I, instead, very patiently waited for an opportune moment to get the attention of their short king guitar tech as he was running around doing teardown, and someone else flagged him first and got pete's setlist, and in my final moments I got him to get me mike's. Gang, I'm gonna be real with you, I was not leaving my Pittsburgh hometown show in which they played Leave The fucking Engine Room without a setlist. there would've been blood or at the very least tears. so like. thank god lmao. Satisfied, we got some water and then headed out!!!

It was a long, chilly wait for the boys outside--god, the chilliness was REFRESHING, though, it's October for crying out loud, and DC and Philly and NY had all been muggy sweaty hot with no need for even long pants, much less a jacket, but I was glad I'd had the forethought to wear my flannel around my waist to cover up the YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT printed around the ass of my shorts on my walk over to deter questions, lmfao. We easily identified the spot on the side of the venue where we assumed the guys were coming out, it was all just a matter of time. (AG and I getting some confusing-to-parse messages from Becky? Idk my phone was SUPER dying so I was trying to leave it on airplane as much as possible, I didn't even make it to the end of the night, RIP needing to use my map all day in the car and even with it plugged in spending more than I was juicing of the battery. Listen i needed PICS and VIDEOS!!) I saw Jon first, and he almost looked past me before spotting me there because I was pretty close to the corner of the block, and I just stared at him, and said, May I hug you. and he said, of course! and I hugged him so long and so hard just like, thank you, I was extremely emotional then and I'm also getting extremely emotional now just typing about it, and he was like omg haha what for? Coming to your town? and I was like coming to my town and playing my SONG!!! And then he said something with the tone of a snarky teasy joke but that was like flusteringly truthful underneath about them legitimately rearranging the set quite a lot for me, and I have not stopped screaming internally since then, and Jeremy joked that I'd just seen the exact same set three times and they felt they ought to give me at least something new ha ha ha but like it wasn't entirely a joke, and I just don't even know how to process this. i am perishèd in the soil. anyhow.

I wanted both my setlist and my Supernormal EP vinyl signed by all the boys, and I managed this with relatively little doing ("A deep cut!" jeremy remarks of the supernormal, haha), but I didn't want to be crowding them and getting in the way of other people getting lad time, so I kind of took a backseat and just talked when the time was right, but Jon did kind of keep wanting to talk to me. We talked about the new song, and we talked about the donuts I sent over--oh my GOD, because I was like, they're from that place over there, you can see the big neon donut sign from here! haha, and he was like dyou know what, I knew that's where they were from, because I went over there earlier in the day and got one for myself, I got a huckleberry one and I came back with it and everyone was like, what's that, they were very jealous, and then not too long after that this box of loads of them just shows up-- And like I am a donut fairy psychic wizard. Also everyone who is ever in Pittsburgh should go to Oliver's donuts and eat their fabulously good products. I will shill for them literally any day of the week. This is the second band I have given Oliver's to this year. I cannot be stopped. ANYWAY. i honestly almost could have written that prediction on an envelope and sealed it, that they'd end up wandering in there on their own only for me to send them some too. i was so tickled that jon got the huckleberry one because it's their signature flavor and it's SO PINK and allegra and I had just decided the night before that jon higgs is hot pink coded. like, in the universe where they are dyeing their hair multicolors for the lore. anyhow. it's good shit.

i had SO much fun after this show, even though it was so chilly and dark and we were scrungling around on a literal street corner outside a wine and spirits store, I was like holding people's things so they could get pics and signatures, I was showing off my supernormal booty shorts, I was talking to Jon about lore----- ohhh, my god, I had exactly two bracelets left when the night was over, literally the end of my stash, and it was one Final Form FIRST BODY LAST BODY that I said, y'know, I'm going to save this for my bestie francis when I send them the shirt, because that's the lyric I wanna get a tattoo of, and it'll match with my PLIABLE HEAD bracelet, and it'll be another sort of besties matching thing; and my one lone AKON IN THE BUTTERFLY HOUSE bracelet that remained, where I'd kind of said, well, if this one doesn't find the right home tonight, then at the end of the night I'm going to give it to Jon too. So I dug in my bag and passed it off, and he was like "what does this one say.... kon... Akon... Akon in the house--what is--OH AND THERE'S A LITTLE BUTTERFLY ON THERE, God--" and he was GRINNING and he was SO TICKLED BY IT and Jez chimed in with just like "The attention to detail--" and Jon was like "this is my favorite one actually," he LOVED IT AND I WAS SO CHARMED AND EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT, and then he offered me up something like "you kno-ow, this, the song, of this, there's actually a reference to it in something, something you've never heard-- and--that you never will," doing his cryptic Jon troll grin, "the one thing that didn't make it," with the implied end of that sentence being "onto the album," and 'album' in this case being implied to be Raw Data Feel, which they have very publicly said that for once was an album where they just put everything on and didn't cull any songs or reserve any bonus tracks to release later or whatever. So I said, "Oh, from the one that we've been told had no cuts...?" also not explicitly saying RDF, and his answer to that was vague/nondescript enough but was probably an affirmative, but then he did follow that up with "that's lore that's SO far down the line, WAY WAY out there," and god, just, how deep does this man's brain and nonsense even fucking go. how far into the future is there LORE. BOTTOMLESS!!! I am obsessed with him. i cannot stress enough how blorbo he is to me.

The shorts came back up in conversation too ("Sorry, let me just look quite closely at your ass for a moment--" "It's okay, the shorts are designed that way--") and him saying, yeah, we do talk about some of the costumes still, and then segueing into asking if I had plans for this year and what I was doing, and I said, maybe, I'm not sure if I want to tell you, and he said, Is it to do with us, and I said, Neither confirm nor deny, and he said, Well if it's not, then, I want to know, with kind of a 'duh' tone ahahaha because like true there would be no reason to be coy if it was nothing to do with E E at all, and I explained that like I kind of have to have two costumes ("of course you do."), WELL because y'know the E E ones don't really play to or land with the general populace (a very cheeky "No!") so I have, just, one that's for going to parties, and one that's for fucking around on the internet. He seemed to find that acceptable hahaha.

Anyway what I REALLY wanted with wearing the Supernormal shorts was a group pic of all five of us normal frontways, and then a group pic of all five of us facing backward/ass to the camera a la the picture of them outside the White House, where you could see the goof of my shorts but also all of their butts, but this was an ABSOLUTE DISASTER TO DO when it was so dark that phone cameras were taking everything long-exposure, and also they'd all had just enough beer to not really be following on what the bit was. Absolute shit results on the backwards pic because I couldn't, y'know, see to coordinate it, because I had my back turned. (Me yelling, "Not just MY butt, EVERYONE'S butts, come on!!" into the streets of Lawrenceville.) Utter failure. Didn't care. I love these fucking guys. The vibe was finally kind of winding down, closing-time energy, the guys still had to get on the bus to Boston right away even with tomorrow being their day off, it was a Boston day off and not a Pittsburgh day off where I could offer them free ice cream sadly, so they all sort of bowed sweetly out. Jon gave me his like, I Am Part Of The Band clearance ID badge from the venue, kind of out of nowhere, he was like "sorry this is all I have to give you, it's the least I could do," and I was like WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN ME SO M-- YOU COULD DO WAY LESS ??? but I guess now I have that, too. I tried to give him the King Of Oil sign from my fatberg costume, which I'd initially brought because I thought it would be a fun photo taking prop but the photo situation was the aforementioned disaster so that never really came to any fruition at all, so I was just going to gift it to them, and he said "My suitcase is already so full of so much random shit-- that you've given us--" and then right as he was leaving he just said "Thank you for being such a weirdo" with a voice full of all the kindness and affection in the world and I just yelled "ANY TIME!!" and then oh so tragically the night had to be over.

it's been nice, though, because I'm so used to driving the long drive home at the end of an adventure and having that signify the end, of getting to the end of the car ride and having nothing beyond that but the rest of my regular life; and this time, I drove all the way home, but when I got there, the adventure was still happening, right in my neighborhood, right down the street, and all I had to do was walk back home alone in the dark and climb into my own bed at the end of a long and beautiful night. i can already tell that this is going to be one of my most special memories basically forever, and now every time I drive or ride the bus to and from work each day I will be passing by the place where Everything Everything performed Leave The Engine Room for me, and that's so profoundly special that I don't even have words to describe it. I love this band, I love the people in it and I love the people its gravity pulls in to orbit around it, I'm just so goddamn happy. I don't even know what to say or how to end this.

#everything everything #e e #RDF US tour 2023 #this has been a post #jonathan fucking higgs.#god.#they all just like. referred to me plainly by my name a lot more than i was expecting in a way that was overwhelming #like to one another/other people and not just to me directly #i exist???? sounds fake #i will be thinking about this week for a hundred thousand years #my pliable head IS a walking hope thank you so much for NOTICING!!!!!!#pics to follow maybe on here but maybe just on twitter #where I am yes you guessed it @pliablehead if people want to lurk and see #ok fucking goodnight

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collecting-stories · 1 year

Text

Pablo Neruda - Usnavi de la Vega

Request: no

Summary: reader has a crush on Usnavi and invites him to dinner. Just a bunch of fluff really.

A/N: I don't even know for sure how long this has been in my notes. Literally found it the other day and figured it was high time to finish it and post it here. Even if no one really cares about In the Heights anymore.

Broadway Masterlist

✳︎ ✳︎ ✳︎ ✳︎

The sight behind the counter shouldn’t have been a surprising one. It was more common than not that you would find Marco here, chin just level with the counter despite the stool that Usnavi let him stand on. He thought the bodega was the coolest place on earth and frequently told the owner that when he was Sonny’s age, he too would work there.

His Spider-Man bike was chained up outside, evidence that he’d ridden straight here after school despite your constant reminders that he needed to come home first.

“Someday I’m gonna report you as a missing child…they’re gonna think Usnavi kidnapped you.” You remarked, the bell jangling as the door shut behind you. The fan set up in the corner blew passed you as it oscillated, trying to keep the store cool in the early heat of June. You took quick stock of what you could see, noting the absence of any adult supervising your seven-year-old. “Speaking of, where is Usnavi?”

“The cooler broke again,” Marco replied. The thud of his small feet hitting the floor echoed in the space and he came around the counter to hug you, “I got a gold star on my story about Puerto Rico,” he mentioned, pulling away to go retrieve the paper that had already been pinned up to the bulletin board behind the counter. No doubt Usnavi’s doing.

“Wow, that’s so great baby,” you took the papers that were stapled together, looking over the story that he’d recited to you three times that morning. “You’re like a little Pablo Neruda.”

“Who?” Marco took the papers back, hanging them in their rightful place once more. A couple of his drawings accompanied the story. Once Usnavi had even hung a spelling test up so everyone could see it. You appreciated the sweetness, the willingness to help whenever you needed it, having someone around that your son could rely on, but it didn’t stop the occasional pang of something indescribable in your chest. You didn’t want Marco to get his hopes up…god knows you kept waiting for something you were sure wasn’t going to happen. Despite Carla constantly insisting that Usnavi had feelings for you.

“Yeah, feelings of friendship. Feelings of ‘look at this poor pathetic girl I’ve known my whole life, still can’t make it out, got a kid now cause she was too stupid to see when her boyfriend was lying to her.”

“Trust me, the only thing Usnavi’s thinking with when you come in the store is-“

“Oh god Carla!”

But you couldn’t help feeling more than a little hopeful everytime you saw one of Marco’s tests or drawings hanging up, as if Usnavi was just as proud as you were. As if Marco had a dad (or at least a father figure) who actually cared about him.

“Pablo Neruda wrote love poems,” Usnavi’s voice sounded from behind you. “He’s your mama’s favorite.”

You turned to look at him and he winked as if the two of you were co-conspirators. Like you were in on the same secret and it made your heart pick up speed just a little bit.

“Who else is gonna write me love poems?” You managed to say, rather proud that you’d even mustered a sentence together.

The smile didn’t leave Usnavi’s face, even after you turned back to Marco and told him to get his stuff together so you could go home. While you were used to the moaning and protesting that usually accompanied this request you were rather taken aback when Marco hopped off the stool without question and started gathering his school supplies off the counter.

“Can Usnavi come over for dinner? He said Sonny’ll be here soon to help and that means he wouldn’t have to hang around too…can he?” Marco asked, eagerly, looking to Usnavi, “do you wanna come over for dinner?”

“You’re going to abuela’s for dinner, remember?” It was Wednesday and Wednesday meant dinner with your ex’s mom.

“Well, then you and Usnavi can have dinner.” He suggested, toothy smile (minus a noticeable one in the front).

You thought about saying that you were more than positive Usnavi had better things to do than come over to your place and eat dinner with you but your mouth worked before your brain could intervene and suddenly you heard yourself saying, “what’d you say? Wanna have dinner with me?” to Usnavi.

Maybe it was the heat or the work trying to fix the cooler that had him flushed but you swore he looked almost nervous when he nodded his head, like the offer was too good to be true. “Yeah, definitely.”

Usnavi wasn’t one to get his hopes up. Benny constantly swore that you were basically in love, (“you’re practically raising Marco together, now if you could just get together”), but Usnavi didn’t want to take the chance and look like a fool. Not to mention, he liked Marco a lot and he didn’t want you to think he had some ulterior motive for being nice to your son. He wasn’t expecting you to want to be with him and he didn’t want you to think he was.

You told him seven o’clock and he got there at 6:45, standing at the bottom of the stoop and contemplating the flowers he’d brought. You didn’t say it was date or even imply that this was anything more than you offering a meal while Marco was at his abuela’s. Maybe you just didn’t feel like eating alone. Or maybe you felt bad because Marco had offered dinner and you didn’t want to be rude. Maybe the flowers were overkill, maybe you were allergic.

“You stand outside all night, you’re never gonna get a chance,” Daniela teased as she walked passed him, bumping her hip against his playfully.

“We’re just having dinner,” Usnavi didn’t bother to ask how Daniela already knew about the dinner. No doubt everyone in Washington Heights knew about dinner.

“Yeah?” She plucked a flower out of the bunch, “hoping for dessert?”

Usnavi choked on his reply, swallowing down the last bout of nerves and heading up to the door before Daniela could continue teasing him. You were on the second floor, the black and white tiled hallway was missing a piece right beside your door and when you complained the landlord told you there was nothing he could do. Now a large pot sat over it with monstera growing next to a welcome mat that you changed out for the seasons. It was getting close to valentines and the mat had red and pink X’s and O’s.

The green door was cracked open, a “come on in” gesture that Usnavi had encounter a few times before when he’d offered to keep Marco while you worked and then walked the boy home at the end of the night. He rarely saw you without your son and it occurred to him as he pushed the door open that this would be the first time he was at your place without the seven year old buffer leading the conversations.

“Uh, hey, the door was open,” Usnavi offered as he walked in, shut the door behind him, and walked further into your apartment. He was still holding the flowers, down by his side, their petals directed at the hardwood floor.

“Hey,” you moved away from the frying pan to give him a hug, laughing gently at the sight of the bouquet. “Are those for me?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” he apologized, whipping them up so fast a few petals fell off. “Daniela stole one, actually.”

“Well they’re beautiful, thank you.” You took the bouquet from him and Usnavi watched you move around the small kitchen, grabbing a vase and filling it with water and arranging the flowers. He thought about something Abuela Claudia had told him years ago about knowing when he was in love and he turned away, looking around the rest of the small space as if he’d never been in it before.

“Sonny didn’t mind watching the store I hope,” you mentioned, looking for something to say. It felt different without Marco there. Not the sort of different that made it awkward, despite you grasping for something to say, but the sort of different that felt like talking and having dinner were the furthest things from your mind. The sort of different that had you thinking Daniela and Carla and everyone else in the Heights that had an opinion on it was right.

“As long as I bring him back something,” he replied. He’d made it to the bookcase near the front door, looking through all the books at eye level first. Pablo Neruda caught his eye and he took the book down, skimming through the pages.

“Whatca got there?” You asked, coming over to look around his shoulder at the book he was holding in his hands.

Usnavi tilted his head to look back toward you, “estás aquí. Oh, no te escapes," he began, reciting the poem as you stood there listening, dinner forgotten. His voice was smooth, the way it always was but somehow different too. Sweeter, like honey.

That different sort of feeling that you were trying not to fall into settled over you as you listened to him read. You couldn’t take your eyes off him, and when he finally reached the end of the poem and he looked over at you, the fall you were trying to avoid suddenly crashed over you.

“...quiero hacer contigo lo que la primavera hace con los cerezos,” he recited, eyes meeting yours.

“¿Es así?” You were only just barely aware of Usnavi placing the book back on the shelf, the thin volume of poems falling to the floor from its haphazard placement. He turned into your space, kissing you without hesitation.

Benny always said he was too slow, that he overthought all of his actions before he did them, and that what he needed to do was just act. It wasn’t advice he ever actually took. Usnavi just wasn’t the kind of person who acted on impulse. And then all of the sudden he was holding your face in his hands and kissing you in your living room. Impulsive, absolutely. When you finally pulled away, only to catch your breath, Usnavi smiled. That irresistibly boyish smile that always gave you butterflies. “Dinner?” He asked, only to avoid any more impulsive acts like telling you he loved you.

“Dinner can wait.”

The door to the apartment slammed open and Marco came through, kicking his shoes off as he called out, “Mama! Mama!”

Behind him, the door shut, his grandma stepping into the kitchen and looking suspiciously over the food that was left on the counter, still in the pan though the oven was off. The door to your bedroom was open and before Marco could make it that far you appeared in the hall, holding a zippered sweatshirt closed, semi-nervous smile on your face.

“Hey baby, how was dinner?” You asked, hovering near the door of your room.

“Abuela made dulce de leche! I brought you a piece!” He held the tupperware out toward you proudly, “Is Usnavi still here?”

“Uh, he’s...he’s in the...” you floundered, trying to think of something to say. He was very much still there, on the other side of the open door, pulling his clothes on as fast as possible.

“Why don’t we put this in the fridge Marco,” your ex’s mother suggested, taking the tupperware back from you and putting her arm around your son’s shoulders, “wait for your mama and this Usnavi to join us.”

If you didn’t know you’d hear an earful from her about almost getting caught by your son, you would have thanked her for intervening when she did. Instead you just ducked back in your room, closing the door so you could change quickly, clocking Usnavi standing there with a massive grin on his face.

“Don’t smile at me like that,” you whispered. An empty warning, really.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he replied, grin still in place.

“Come on, I still owe you dinner.” You held the bedroom door open for him to go out first, “and now we’ve got dessert too.”

Usnavi stopped in the doorway to kiss you, “I’ve already had mine.” When you smacked his arm he only laughed and continued into the kitchen, Marco’s excited greeting putting a smile on your face as you walked into the kitchen after him.

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The poem Usnavi reads is Pablo Neruda's Everyday You Play .

Translations:

estás aquí. Oh, no te escapes - you are here. Oh you do not run away

quiero hacer contigo lo que la primavera hace con los cerezos - I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees

¿Es así? - is that so? / it's like that?

#usnavi x reader #usnavi x y/n #usnavi x you #usnavi de la vega x reader #usnavi imagine #usnavi blurb #usnavi fanfiction #in the heights fanfiction #in the heights imagine #in the heights fanfic #in the heights fic #in the heights blurb #collecting stories imagine

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spaceless-vacuum · 1 year

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Ok so I read how if Zelda knows all about Link's yandere tendencies and how she's all for it, but what if they're both yanderes for Reader?

I have several small fics in progress that involve these ideas but I think that this is a really fun deal to play around with. Especially if the darling isn't that easy to get to. Having a Hylian darling who can easily be swooped away to share under the safety of the castle is really fun but I favorite ones where the darling isn't so easily taken. If you wanted me to talk about how the two of them interact with each other sharing a darling that’s cool as well but for now here's this.

So to start I love the idea of a darling who's royalty or a noble from a different nation. The dynamics of how the three would have to interact through the lens of civility and politics. God I love it so much. Link being praised for his skills and resting himself as a hero by taking care of problems around the kingdom. Using the praise he gets to curry favour so he can get closer to you.

What? Don't you want the hero to guard them? He's the best you've got might as well use him.

Zelda plays into this. He stays by your side and reports back to her while she gathers information and starts to formulate ideas for how to get you into her kingdom for a change. All they would need to keep you there is to extend a formal invitation, something to keep the two places together. Who could deny such a request made by such an impressive princess after all?

The hard part is figuring out how to keep you there. Messengers could only be stalled for so long and the lie of a troubled road delaying your return can only keep your nobles happy for so long. If you're just a noble from a small house then it's not a big deal. However for people who are higher up and have more sway things like this are a more delicate matter.

Yet her highness isn't just here for pleasantries. If the hero and princess have returned that can only mean one thing and that's possibly facing an inevitable collapse.

I can so see the two of them taking you to Hyrule a before the tragedy (Twilight realm, Ganon, calamity, or whatever else hit) and having you never return home because of it. Maybe they told you that either you died. Why would anyone come to look for you? The worst came to fruition and now that everyones done mourning they've all forgotten about you. Not a single soul is coming to your aid.

This would only work assuming they could keep you safe while the storm hits but I have a feeling that it wouldn't be too difficult for them to plan something out. If the castle isn't safe they can send you anywhere else and have you guarded by the greatest warriors. Just stay away from where the fires are and you'll be fine.

Not to just talk about royalty but imagine if you were part of a nation waging war against Hyrule or at least on their enemies list. Kidnapping is bad but if they're your enemy then it’s just ransom! Them placing a huge price on your head, and sending back a duplicate. They not only get to bleed your nobility's pockets dry as a way to make you repay the damages your country has done but it will also double as a way to keep you even after filling their end of the contract.

Zelda watching you plan and offer any help you can to the war effort. She's both challenged by you and in awe as you hold your ground as people talk over you and chatter about issues that don't currently need your attention. She waits patiently as you throw out excellent ideas only to have them all shut down. Meanwhile she's controlling several heads of states and making sure you're discredited and seen as someone who can't be trusted. She's placing evidence for after you leave to make sure even if you get back to your homeland it'll be in disgrace so there's no nowhere to run.

Taking the field in battle and having Link absolutely decimate you. You think you could handle yourself in a fight against a bunch of common soldiers only to be relentlessly targeted by the best Hyrule has to offer. Watching helplessly as he just won't stop chasing you into swathes of enemy soldiers. He’s rushing across the front lines and enemy fortifications just to make sure he can have his hands on you before you can rush away. Everyone is horrified and shocked as he just sweeps the floor with your people only to find you and drag you to a secluded spot where Zelda can pick him up.

Both of them pick you up and carry you away to Hyrule. Your whole life is flipped upside down. No you can't go outside because they don't need an enemy making plans and trying to sneak away. Yet that doesn't answer the questions as to why you're still here if they don't trust you.

Man this scratches an itch in my brain because of the tension of the reader not wanting to give up their country or homeland but also it's so hard when you're being swooned by these two gorgeous individuals, and by god they know it. They have access to everything they need to make you talk but they never seem to focus on that. Rather the interrogation in a large comfortable room with lots of snacks and refreshments is far too comfortable to hold any real threat. Sure Link is standing in the corner but he seems to be antsy. He looks away and blushes whenever you turn around to focus all your attention onto him so it can't be helped when you notice that it isn't so bad here.

Yet you can't relax because these are the hostile enemy! The bad guys! Yet this tea is really good.

Plus it's hard to ignore how bad it can be since they control everything now. Maybe this is all so they can drive you deeper into misery when they act on their inevitable betrayal. Even if they never tighten the rope too much there's so many complex layers to this idea and I adore it. Sadly the war is messy so they can't tell you anything about it. Which just means you need to lay a price on how far you're willing to go for them to tell you anything; which is a double edged sword because how can you know if any of it’s true!!

Gah the concept is so interesting to me!!!

I think that's it for now but come back at any time and I’ll rant to you more about these two.

#They're such a good pair especially if it’s a polycule where Zelda and Link are also in love or something.#eye write #yandere x reader #yandere link x reader #yandere legend of zelda #legend of zelda #link x reader #yandere zelda x reader #ask and answer

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polyphonical · 28 days

Text

Dragon's Head - True Intentions and Stances - Chapter 2

[ View on site for better experience♪ ]

Location: Starmony Dorms (Common Room)

〈A few days later〉

Tetora: Aahh…! Uwaah, don’t go that way, main character!

There’s a monster with a clenched fist that got sealed up a thousand years ago! As soon as you go over there, it’s gonna put a buncha holes all over your body ssu!

It’s not too late to turn back! MAIN CHARACTEEEEEEER!

―― Hm? Did I get a message on my phone ssu?

Wah, I got distracted by my phone and the movie kept playin’! Hold on, lemmie pause it…

Ugh, who is it? I was in the middle of really interestin’ part…

Wait, it’s from Anego? What is it? I wasn’t supposed to be workin’ today.

Umm. “Good work today. There is an urgent meeting about the matter we discussed the other day. Do you have time today?”?

The thing we talked about the other day was… the weekly magazine? Well, I guess I’ll find out if that’s it once I get there. Umm... “I’m… on… my way… ssu…” [1] …there.

Sigh… I guess I’ll just leave the rest of this movie for another day huh~.

Location: Starmony Dorms (Exterior)

Tetora: Oh? Over there isーー

He~y! Taishou~!

Kuro: Hm? Aah, it’s Tetsu. What a coincidence.

Tetora: Ossu! Where are you headin’ to ssu?

Kuro: Ah. Well, I’m supposed to be representin’ Hasumi, but I got called to ES by the Lil’ miss and Tenshouin. I’m on my way now.

Tetora: Ehh, you too, Taishou? I’m also on my way to ES ssu. Anego just called me.

Kuro: What, so we’re goin’ to the same place? Then, let’s walk there together.

Tetora: Ossu!

Tetora: ………♪

Kuro: What is it? Ya seem to be in a good mood. Somethin’ good happen?

Tetora: Hehe, I was just thinkin’ that it’s been a while since we walked together like this~ that’s all.

Kuro: Hm?

Tetora: See, Taishou already graduated from school, right? We haven’t been able to walk home together after club activities ssu.

Plus, even when we end up workin' together, we always end up leavin’ by ourselves.

That’s why I was happy to be able to walk with you like this ssu……♪

Kuro: Hahah, now that ya say it, that’s definitely true. Tetsu used to follow me around a lot at school.

Tetora: Ou, hey, T-Taishou!? Stop, don’t mess up my hair like that~!

Kuro: Haha. Hey, we shouldn’t keep the Lil’ miss and Tenshouin waitin’. Let’s go to ES, Tetsu.

Tetora: Ossu! Let’s go!

Location: Meeting Room

Tomoya: Ah, Tetora and Kiryuu-senpai. Good work today.

Kuro: Oops, were ya waitin’ for us to come? Sorry for bein’ late.

Tetora: Really sorry for makin’ you wait ssu!

Eichi: Don’t worry about it. We were the ones who called you over so suddenly.

Tomoya: Plus, we only just got here ourselves, so please don’t worry about it.

Kuro: ‘s that so. And? Why’d ya call us all out here on such short notice?

Eichi: Anzu-chan, could you hand out those printed copies to everyone?

Tetora: Hmm? What’s this for ssu? It looks like a bunch of comments from SNS……

Eichi: That’s correct. It’s a collection of the fans’ opinions after reading that weekly magazine that was brought up a couple days ago.

Tetora: The weekly magazine?

Ah, Taishou. The thing about the weekly magazine wasーー

Kuro: Aah, no need to explain. Hasumi explained that to me a bit. That was the thing that had a bunch of complicated stuff goin’ around, right?

But I thought Tenshouin and the Lil’ miss said not to worry ‘bout it since it wasn’t that big of a deal?

Eichi: We did, but…

Tomoya: Uwaah. What is this…

Tetora: ? What’s the matter, Tomoya-kun?

Tomoya: The fans seem really upset. There’s a bunch of really rough feedback…

Tetora: Eehh!?

Eichi: Yes. It seems I underestimated how much this issue would affect our fans.

Apparently, fans of idols from various agencies got into a dispute over the content of the article. The situation ended up causing a flame war.

It seemed to have been over something small at the beginning. But now, it sparked into something that goes beyond what the article in the weekly magazine was talking about.

In the span of a few days, the situation has quickly spiraled out of control.

Good grief… I truly was not expecting this. I never thought the fans would get this upset about something we decided wasn’t a big deal…

Tetora: But won’t this just go away after a while?

Eichi: You would think so. But at the rate that this is going, it’s going to take a very long time for this to settle down.

This goes past disputes over the contents of the article. The fans are even bringing up past grievances. At this point, they’re just lashing out at each other.

Of course, both agencies have decided that we cannot overlook this situation.

I called everyone here to ask you to brainstorm ideas on ways we can improve the image for our respective offices.

────────────────· · · · · ·♡· · · · · · ────────────────

Previous ♡ Directory ♡ Next

Tetsu is just saying his message out loud as he types it

#ensemble stars #enstars #ensemble stars translation #enstars translation #polyphonical #eichi tenshouin #tomoya mashiro #kuro kiryu #tetora nagumo #dragon's head

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incendio22 · 1 year

Text

FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL

Chapter 8: Reconciliation

When I leave the common room in the morning someone grabs my arm. I gasp for air from the surprise. I turn around and see Sebastian.

''We need to talk.'' He says in a low voice, still holding onto my arm.

''Precisely my thought.'' I reply, assuming he's referring to last night's finding.

''But we need to inform Ominis as well.'' He says looking into the ground, kicking his foot against the floor. ''And I don't think I'm the right person to do so. He listens to you.''

''I suppose so.'' I reply. I know he's right and given their icy relationship at the moment I highly doubt that Ominis would listen to a thing Sebastian says.

''I assume you need some time to convince Ominis, let's meet in the Undercroft tomorrow evening.'' Sebastian says before he walks out of the common room.

The only time I see Ominis is at breakfast and during class, but neither are the right time to bring my matter up with him. During charms class I write him a note.

Meet me at The Three Broomsticks. Tonight. 8 pm.

I fold the note like a bird and enchant it, so it flies over to him and also will whisper the message to him. I see Sebastian looking at the note and then onto me. He rolls his eyes slightly. I cannot understand why, since he knows exactly why I'm passing Ominis that note. Ominis seems to hear the note flapping slightly and grabs it after some tries. Suddenly I feel bad for passing him a note instead of simply asking him, after seeing him struggle to catch the note. After hearing the message he nods.

I wait outside The Three Broomsticks five minutes before we're supposed to meet. After making a fool of myself in charms class, I don't want to embarrass him more by him potentially not finding me inside the pub. I see the Slytherin robe and the red sparks from his wand from a hundred metres away.

''Hello, Ominis.'' I say.

''Hi, Y/n.'' He replies as he opens the door to the pub. ''Fancy seeing you here.''

We order one butterbeer each and I lead him to the top floor, where I was sitting with Sebastian a couple of nights ago.

''You didn't catch my joke, did you?'' He asks. I'm confused. ''I said 'fancy seeing you here' but I can in fact not see you.''

I laugh and take a sip of my butterbeer.

''I guess my talents include fighting trolls, not understanding jokes.'' I say while taking another sip.

''I like to assume this is a pretty cozy place.'' Ominis says, looking around the room even though he cannot see what it actually looks like.

''Oh, it is.'' I tell him. ''But that's not why I brought you here, unfortunately enough.''

''Really?'' He asks as if I'm implying something else. ''Then what is it?''

He leans in and looks intrigued.

''Sebastian and I made a discovery after our night in the Undercroft.'' I start. Ominis' face twists into a weird expression I've never seen before.

''I bet you did.'' He says in a bitter tone.

I don't know what he's trying to say, but the atmosphere has changed massively in less than 30 seconds.

''We found a prophecy, I think.'' I tell him. ''It mentioned someone with the last name Gaunt.''

''You think you found a prophecy?'' He asks with an upset voice with emphasis on 'think'.

I nod, but quickly realize he cannot see it.

''Yes.'' I reply. ''I've never seen one before, nor a crystal ball like that, so it's all a bit new to me.''

''What exactly did you see in the prophecy?'' He asks with curiosity.

I don't know where to start. It was so much going on in the prophecy.

''Something dark.'' I whisper. ''It looked like dark, dark magic. Someone using a bunch of unforgivables.''

Before I can continue, Ominis interrupts me.

''Sounds exactly like my family. Now, what will they do that's so horrible to end up in a prophecy?'' He asks in an annoyed tone.

''I saw a boy. A little boy, he couldn't possibly be older than 13 years.'' I explain. ''He had a lightning shaped-scar in his forehead. Exactly like the... Death curse.''

''Interesting.'' Ominis says, but is then silent.

''But how does my last name have anything to do with this curious little boy?''

''In the end, it kept whispering Merope Gaunt.'' I say.

''I don't know anyone with that name.'' Ominis looks confused.

''There's obviously more to this than we know.'' I start. ''Sebastian wants to meet in the Undercroft tomorrow evening. He has the prophecy. Maybe if you see it, or rather hear it, you might understand a bit more. Maybe something we are unable to understand.'' My eyes are imploring, but of course he cannot see that.

He is making hesitant facial expressions and seems doubtful for almost an entire minute.

''Very well.'' He says, finally. ''I will go there, but only for the sake of this silly prophecy.''

''Thank you.'' I say with a warm voice.

After finishing our butterbeers, we head to the castle and straight to our dormitories. Imelda is on her bed, reading some quidditch magazine. I still have dreams about taking her spot as quidditch captain, not because I really want to be captain but simply because I don't want her to be it.

The next day flies by and after the sun has set, it is time to meet in the Undercroft. As I reach the entrance I hear voices coming from inside. It's Sebastian and Ominis. I believe this is the first time they speak to each other since before the O.W.L.s. I cannot help myself but to listen in, also I don't want to interrupt whatever it is that's going on between them.

''I never said I would stop using dark magic.'' I hear Sebastian's voice. ''But after what I did to my uncle, I will never touch such magic again.''

''That might be true, but you did not listen when me, Y/n or Anne told you to stop. That speaks for something.'' Ominis voice is determined and he almost sounds harsh. I don't blame him.

''I know, and looking at it now I should have.'' Sebastian sounds sad, almost struggling to get his words out. ''People always told me that I don't know when to stop and it always triggered me not to stop. But I promise, Ominis, I will never touch such magic ever again.''

''I choose to believe you, Sebastian. But I cannot forgive you just yet. But I will try my very best to. Until then, you have to be patient with me.'' Ominis continues.

''Thank you.'' Sebastian sounds sincere.

''Y/n really cares about you.'' Ominis says. Sebastian is quiet. ''If you hurt her, I promise you - I will never forgive you. She's one of the best people either of us have ever met.''

I never knew Ominis cared so much about me. I am thankful to have such a good friend.

''The people I care about always get hurt.'' Sebastian sounds as if he might start crying.

''Then I suggest you step back.'' Ominis says in a cold tone. ''Or you get yourself together and don't hurt her. She will help you get back on the right track, but I would never be able to live with myself if I knew you hurt her intentionally.''

''I'll try my very best.'' Sebastian finishes.

I feel like I eavesdropped enough and I enter the room. Hopefully they were too caught up in their conversation to even suspect I was nearby. I smile towards Sebastian.

''There you are!'' I say in a happy voice.

''There you are!'' Sebastian replies in a voice with an emphasis on the 'you'.

I smile as I feel my cheeks turning red again. That man has to stop making me blush. Luckily, these events have yet only occurred in the Undercroft, where you hopefully cannot see how my face changes its color.

''Thank you for coming, Ominis.'' I say. Sebastian gives me a passive aggressive look while Ominis gives me a smile. ''And thanks to you too, Sebastian. I just assumed I didn't have to give you a 'thank you' given that you have the prophecy with you.''

''Fine.'' Sebastian says in a grumpy voice. ''And yes, I brought the prophecy.''

Sebastian hands the prophecy over to me, which I hand over to Ominis.

''See if you can feel anything.'' I explain to him. ''Maybe it works for you.''

He takes it in his hands, rubs it slightly and it lights up. The exact same sequence that Sebastian and I saw yesterday. Ominis looks shocked and horrified at the same time. When the crystal ball has finished whispering the name Merope Gaunt over and over, Ominis hands it back to me. He sits down on the floor, still looking completely horrified.

''I felt something.'' He says after being silent for almost a minute. Sebastian and I exchange looks. ''I cannot explain what it was, but it was something.''

Ominis seems to be on the verge of breaking down. I sit down next to him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

''These are some dark things that are going to happen.'' Ominis says finally. ''Sadly, I'm not even surprised that it has to do with my family.''

''I'm sorry...'' I say to him. Normally I have a good way with words, but in this situation they seem to have left my head.

''We need to learn more about this. I know no one named Merope.'' Ominis says. ''Can I take it with me, and maybe I will figure something out?''

Sebastian hands him the crystal ball.

''All yours. Just let us know if you find something, good or bad.'' Sebastian says in a kind tone.

''I will. But now I must go. This has all been a little too much for one day.'' Ominis stands back up and leaves the room.

''So, how did you convince him to meet us both here?'' Sebastian asks curiously.

''Well, that note did the work. And maybe the fact that we met for butterbeer.'' I say proudly.

''Oh.'' Sebastian says in a surprised tone. ''I mean, the note was cute and all that. But butterbeer - really? That sounds almost romantic.''

''Don't be silly.'' I say as I squeeze my eyebrows together slightly. ''You and I have gone for butterbeer without it being romantic. Stop being ridiculous.''

''Whatever you say.'' Sebastian says and turns around.

''Are you upset?'' I ask, confused since I successfully made Ominis come and meet us and in the process I had been a massive help in their reconciliation.

''No.'' Sebastian lies. I shrug my shoulders.

''Whatever you say.'' I mimic him from before.

He walks over the doorway and leans against it. I can only see his silhouette and some light falling onto his face from the lights. At this moment, I cannot help but admire how handsome he really is. I get lost in my thoughts and he notices.

''Tell me what's on your mind.'' He says firmly.

''Nothing, really.'' I lie and my eyes fall to the floor.

He walks over to me and lifts my chin up with his hand. Something about that action makes that electric feeling come back. It's almost a burning sensation where he's touching me.

''Don't lie to me.'' He says. ''Let's make a deal. I will never lie to you, if you never lie to me.''

I nod and his eyes are burning into mine. His hand on my arm. That electric sensation is still there.

''Good.'' He says, finally, and lets go of my arm. ''Now, I'll tell you what was bothering me before. The note. And the butterbeer.'' His voice is soft, yet firm. ''It all just sounded so... Romantic.''

''It wasn't romantic.'' I say and smile at him. ''Truly, just two friends trying to figure out some prophecy that seem to threaten the entire wizard kind.''

''Fair enough.'' He smirks. ''Oh, and by the way - Next time I won't let your little lies slip away. I'm just letting you have one last secret from me.''

I am thankful he didn't make me say all the things I was thinking when he was leaning onto the doorway. As we walk back to the Slytherin common room I think that this man has way too much influence over me. When we reach the common room he stops for a second and puts both his hands on my arms.

''Good night, new girl.'' His voice is soft and he leans forward. My heart stops beating for what feels like minutes. His lips fall onto my forehead and it feels as if his lips might burn a hole through my skin, even more intensely than ever before.

#sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian sallow x you #hogwarts legacy #slytherin #fanfic #fanfiction #ominis gaunt #for the hope of it all

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dramatic-squirrel · 1 year

Text

Daminette December Day 19- Hands

@maribat-calendar-events

They stood side by side, neither talking in the oppressively, haughty atmosphere. At that moment, Marinette hated Jagged more than words could describe. He forced her to attend this event knowing full well it wasn’t who she was. There was no one she knew besides Jagged and Penny, no common interests with the millionaires and billionaires that roamed around and worst of all, the pastries and finger foods weren’t even good. If you’re the richest person in the world, the least you could do was get decent food for your party.

The only brightside to the situation was that she wasn’t entirely alone in her discomfort. The downside to this was that her companion in misery had an aura of ‘if you talk to me I will gut you’, making him hard to approach. Instead, they ended up occupying the same corner of the banquet hall in an attempt to avoid other people. At least that was the intention, but it seemed like Marinette was truly the odd one out as a group of people approached where the boy was standing.

“Damian! So this is where you were hiding.” A tall man with black hair and blue eyes walked up to the boy. “I don’t know why you insist on running off the second these things start but it’s more bearable if you just stick with us.” The boy, Damian, looked away, a sneer on his face, but not saying a word.

The arrival of these new six people made Marinette feel more uncomfortable. It was bad enough that she had been standing silently next to a stranger for at least half an hour by that point. But now, she felt like she was intruding upon the group, despite being in that corner first. So she attempted to leave, quietly as possible, but she didn’t get far. Whether it was her simple presence or the fact that she moved, all of their attention shifted to her immediately. Stiff, she smiled and waved in greeting, before attempting, unsuccessfully, to leave again.

“Pardon us, Miss. We didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation with our brother.” The first man spoke.

“No, it’s ok. I was just hanging out here for a bit.” she fiddled with her fingers, trying to look anywhere else. “You didn’t interrupt anything so I’ll just be on my way, Monsieur…” She waited for a name or introduction. What she got was the stunned expressions of everyone there, except for Damian.

A man with a white steak in his hair was the first to respond. “Oh my god. She doesn’t know.”

“Jason!” A blond girl hit his arm. “Don’t ruin this!” She hit his arm again for good measure.

“Wouldn’t dream of it Steph,” he threw his arm around the girl before gesturing towards Marinette. “She’s a rare species, got to protect the endangered wildlife.” Feeling thoroughly weirded out, Marinette established that, while they were more interesting company, they were also the kind of company that would lead to unspeakable trouble if she hung around for too long.

Glaring at Jason and Steph, the other man finally decided to introduce themselves. “I’m Dick. The people here are Jason, Tim, Stephanie, Cass, Duke, and Damian who you’ve met.” He pointed to each person in turn.

“Oh, sorry, again, I was just hanging out. Trying to get away from the crowds over here. I didn’t really… I mean I don’t know…” She gave up trying to explain or escape. “I’m Marinette. Nice to meet you.” And just gave in to whatever was happening now.

“How are you enjoying yourself so far?” Dick asked.

At the question, Marinette went stiff as she tried to come up with the nicest way of saying it sucked. “Well… the venue is beautifully decorated.” It was the only thing, not a lie, that she could say about the party. With her answer came a chorus of muffled laughter from everyone, even Damian, who she assumed was the most stoic of the bunch, cracked a smile. The tension in her shoulders eased a bit.

“Oh yeah, she fits right in. Actually she’s more polite than any of us.” It was Tim who spoke this time. “I can see why Demon Spawn likes her.” The comment made the blood rush to her face, while Damian attempted to tackle Tim.

“What are you talking about Tim?” Dick asked.

Tim tried to answer but it was difficult when he was simultaneously fighting for his life. “I can’t… believe your… a… detective,” he finally pushed Damian off. “Jesus Christ Dick, get better deduction skills.” Discomfort filled the air once again as they calmed down and Marinette just stared at the group.

Jason punched Tim, “Nice going, Timbo. Way to ruin the atmosphere.” Just as things became unbearable, music began to fill the hall and Dick started ushering his siblings away, leaving Damian and Marinette alone once again.

“Excuse my brother, he wasn’t raised.” Damian spoke up first. “You don’t need to pay attention to anything he says, half the time he speaks utter incoherence from sleep deprivation.”

Marinette nodded to show her understanding. After a moment she spoke up. “I… Would you like to dance?” She wasn’t sure what she was thinking, if she was thinking at all.

Damian paused to consider her offer. “I suppose dancing would be more entertaining than standing next to a wall all evening.” He held out a hand to her.

When she placed her hand into his, a feeling of unexpected warmth radiated from his hand. She also noticed how it was scarred and calloused, rough from some type of physical labor. Not at all what she was expecting, but comforting nonetheless.

When they reached the edge of the dance floor, a slow song began to play and not knowing how to formally dance, they gently swayed side to side in beat with the music. “Um… just so we’re clear on this…” Marinette gathered her courage. “I don’t really mind if what Tim said was true.” Then her fear overtook her again. “Or not! I mean, either way, doesn’t make a difference, really.” her eyes flittered to anywhere other than Damian’s eyes.

Damian raised an eyebrow at her contradictory interlude, but otherwise didn’t speak, and they lapsed into silence. The song was almost over and Marinette couldn’t help but think about what if. For years she had a crush on Adrien and never confessed, only to lose any chance. Now that she was over him, why shouldn’t she take a new chance?

The warmth from his hand gave her courage once again. Looking Damian in the eyes, she said what was really on her mind. “You seem like a really nice person and I was wondering if you’d like to get a cup of coffee with me sometime before I leave for France.” she didn’t pause for breath. “Of course if you don’t want to, that's fine too. I just figured there’s no harm in asking.”

This time it was Damian who couldn’t look her in the eyes as he replied. “I think I would like that. Your company is… enjoyable.”

A big smile appeared on her face as the song ended. “Great! It’s a date then.”

#daminette december #daminette December 2022 #daminette #maribat event #maribat

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itzvintagevibez · 2 years

Text

"Whoa"

Requests : OPEN

Warnings : Swearing

Category : Fluff, Little/Or no Smut

Ship/Pairing : Harry Potter x Female Reader

-START HERE-

"Hey Hermione, Ron" Y/n says as she takes a seat with them at the great hall at the Gryffindor Table even-though she's a Ravenclaw. "Hey" Ron says with a bunch of food in his mouth "For god's sake, Ron" He stops chewing and looks at Hermione with a confusing look crawling on his face "What?" "Chew your food before you speak or done even speak at all" she says with an annoyed look on her face. "Alright, sorry" Ron says as he goes back to eating. "Tough Morning huh?" Y/n says trying to cool down the tension "Clearly" "Where Harry?" Y/n says realizing that the so called 'Chosen One' wasn't present in his usual seat. "I thought you knew" Hermione says while looking around for the troublemaker. "No" just then, the great hall doors open and Harry walks in with the Weasley twins, Seamus, Oliver, Neville, Cedric and a few other guys....but something was wrong....they weren't wearing uniform but instead full on suits with a red rose pin on the pocket side which was also accompanied by a handkerchief which was red as well. In Harry's hands was a bouquet of lavender flowers, your favorite kind of flowers. Before any of you had time to react Harry was already in front of you and knelt on one knee as he said something you weren't ever expecting him to do...

"Y/n Y/L/N, may I have the pleasure of taking you to the Yule Ball as my date?"

All the students in the great hall started to whisper and gossip but you didn't care, all you cared about was your closest friend since his arrival to the school was actually asking you out to be his partner to the Yule Ball and of course you said...

"Yes"

Screams and shouts were all heard through out the entire hall and even Professor Dumbledore himself was clapping his hands as so were the other teachers although Snape wasn't really that happy, I mean who would blame him, the most troublemaking student was asking out his daughter to the Yule Ball and even-though Severus despised Harry Potter and his well-being existence he knew that his daughter was as well feeling the same way Harry does for her and so, as a parent separating that special connection would just be down right wrong.

~3 DAYS LATER~

"Luna, hello" Harry said as he entered the empty Ravenclaw Common Room. "Harry, Welcome, you really early, waiting for Y/n?" Luna says as she finishes up the last few touches on her outfit. "Yes, and you stunning by the way"

"Thank you, this used to be mother's she always said it helped to keep away the Nargles" "Um, yes, and sorry about your mother's...you know" he says as he rubs the back of his neck in nervousness of saying something disrespectful "Don't be, death is a natural cycle in life and losing someone you love dearly towards death is something we should all learn to move on from, because they will forever truly be in our hearts and that matters the most.

Harry nodded his head and Luna was about to leaving heading towards the door but wished Harry a goodnight before exiting. "Luna, can you please help me" Y/n said screaming in the hallways. "Uh, hey Y/n it's Harry and Luna already left" "Oh shit, oh uh- hey Harry, could you do me a favor?" "Yeah sure anything, what is it?" "Just come and I'll tell you" "Ok, where are you?" "In the bedroom on the left side of the common room with a door that has the name Ravens on it" "Okay on it" Harry made his way towards your room and knocked on the door and you allowed him to enter. "Harry!" Y/n said with a faint grin on her face. "Hey Y/n is everything alrig-" Harry turned around from facing the door, and saw how astonishing you looked before silently cursing under his breath. "Whoa" "Wha- Harry!" Y/n says snapping her fingers in front of his face waking him up from his trance. "Shit, I'm so sorry Y/n uh, you look mesmerizing by the way"

A visible red hot steam of blush spread widely through out Y/n's face as she push a strand of hair away from their face. "Thank you Harry, you not too shabby yourself.

Now it was Harry's turn to blush as he looked down at the floor hoping you didn't see the obvious red all over his face. "T-thank you Y/n" silence fell as you both looked at almost everything in the entire room except each other. "Oh what did you want me to help you with?" "Oh um, m-my dress, you see I can't really reach the zipper on my own so I was hoping Luna could do it for me but since she left could you?" "Uh, of course, but why don't you just use magic?" he said making his way towards you "We tried that yesterday but it turns out that magic can't be used for everything as it squashing me tightly really hard so I decided to just use the odd fashioned way" "The odd fashioned way?" "Yea" "I'm pretty sure it's old-fashioned not odd" he said now right in front of you but there was still a distance between you both. "Wow, who are you? Hermione?" you both bursted out into laughter and eventually managed to cool down.

"Okay, so will you do it?" "Sure" he made his way behind you, looking down he could see your wearing a black lingerie and he instantly began to swallow hard a loud yet audible gallon of saliva down his throat, enough for Y/n to hear. "Harry, you good?" she said with a bit of worry in her voice. "Mhmm yeah, all good" he said. He gripped on Y/n's waist gently and pulled her back a bit to rough and fast which made Y/n's voice hitch but lucky Harry didn't hear because he was too distracted by your well structured back to even hear or see anything happening around him. Without thinking he started to rub Y/n's back smoothly making her moan quietly under her breath as it started to increase the more Harry had his hands on her back. Y/n arched her head back onto Harry's shoulder, eyes closed as Harry started to place soft peaks and kisses on her neck and shoulder. He eventually pulled her on his chest and Y/n couldn't help but moan loudly at the connection of their bodies. Lucky the whole Ravenclaw common room and all rooms were empty or else you would've been caught in such a sinister act and if Snape ever found out, they both would have been dead meat.

"H-Harry~" Y/n moaned. Harry hummed in response as he started to place his free hand on Y/n's clothed clit, rubbing it smoothly. "We have to go, m-my f-father w-will b-e suspicious of o-our absence" Y/n barely managed to speak due to all the pleasure and teasing she was receiving. "Okay" Harry finally agreed and stopped what he was doing and zipped Y/n dress and they both left the bedroom exiting the Ravenclaw house and arriving at where the Yule Ball was being held but Harry didn't let her enter without placing a delicate and passionate kiss on her lips after Y/n had granted him permission and with that they, entered receiving ooh and aahs from everyone. Making both of their faces as red as Snape's face was after he noticed small purple spots on Y/n's shoulder that nobody else knew and saw but decided to keep it to himself because he knew that he could trust Y/n and they wouldn't do it due to the fact that Y/n plagued to her father to only do it after she isn't a minor and for now she and Harry were only 15...

-THE END-

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thessalian · 1 month

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Thess vs the Tenakth

Yeah, so, finally go to No Man's Land, and this has been a tiiiiiiiime...

Right. I should go deal with that bunch of former Shadow Carja. Because they're not in a great place and Oseram asshole guy just wants to make their lives even harder.

Sir, I would be more forceful about making you go down the mountain but you are in no shape to go down the mountain. Just ... stay there while I harvest things.

...Well. Fuck. Fine, maybe the nice lady will be a smarter leader than you. And I have satellite dish thing.

Hey, sir? Oseram Asshole, sir? You reaaaaaally don't want to fuck with me. Now go away. Yeah, there you go. And you, ma'am? Go take this ludicrous amount of money and go make a life where you're not one breath away from dying of exposure, starvation, and ... well, frankly depression. Shoo.

Right. On we go to... Oh, hey, hunting stuff! You want me to rip the power cores off Scroungers? Cool. Done. Now what? ...Oh. You want me to herd a bunch of these things together so I can shock them to death. How about "no"? Does "no" work for you? Blegh. I am a hunter, not a herder, kthxbai.

Right. Barren Light. ...Oh, wait, green exclamation point. ...Carja Dude, you are an asshole. If we were going to rebuild the world after the machine plague, could we at least have found a cure for 'asshole'? No? Fine, I'll do your fucking job.

Ah. Machines. Bye, machines.

Oh, hey, hi! You want these things I've been pulling off satellite dishes? Please, take them. I am tired of lugging the damn things around. And you want that one up there. Cool. I needed more practice at grapple hooking anyway.

And now, Barren Light. Oh. Hi, sir. What do you need? ...The gates open. Right. ME TOO. LET ME GET RIGHT ON THAT. Just lemme make sure I'm adequately supplied, and... You think Eclipse are still around, Prisoner Kid? Well, lemme deal with the gate thing and-- Oh. Hi Erend. How're you doing? ...Drunk, injured, and with your fee-fees hurt as much as your ribs. Great. Okay. No, seriously, I'd have you with me if I could but while I do care about your fee-fees, I also care about your ribs, so please just stay there and self-medicate. You want to come with me? Come with me uninjured and sober.

...Okay, how the fuck did you override a Charger without a doohickey, Varl? Did I leave an overriden one lying around for you to find? What? (Also how many raccoons did you run over on the way here? I would like to feel less alone about having done that.)

Look, will you OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR BEFORE MY STUPID FRIEND FOLLOWS ME INTO-- Thank you, Erend. Also ... well, fuck.

"Marshals - an ancient name for protectors"-- Yeah, okay, dunno if military or municipal, but I take it that none of the Old World relics had any ACAB graffiti. "But now judge, jury, and executioner"-- Municipal, then. I'd say ACAB but you seem pretty decent. Wait... is this why so much of the Carja military is made of asshole - because their common sense basically joined up with the Tenakth? Well, good to have you back, sir.

Okay, so I have right of passage and yet you want me to be at your Embassy anyway? Do I look like a diplomat to you? And please, please keep joining the rest of the planet in rubbing my need for allies in my face. It's been ... what, a whole five minutes?

Okay, Vuadis, you can do your job now-- Waitwut.

WUT.

Oh, fuck a bunch of this.

SYLENS, YOU ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF DOUCHE-CANOE! (I will be madder at you if I am not allowed to ride the big metal dilophosaurus. I don't normally bother with riding the machines but I will make an exception for big metal dilophosaurus.)

...Okay, did we have to have quite that level of gore?

Oh, hey, I beat your stupid shield to death! Really not liking them forcing me into melee combat, mind you. Even if I am better at it than I thought I was going to be.

So ... that ... was not an Embassy; that was a slaughter. Not that I'm not used to those, given how the machines attacked the Nora. And of course we can't have the Carja come to the Tenakth and go, "Look, we see you have an enemy and they murdered the family of the Sun-King, so let's join forces and obliterate these assholes". Because Politics. So instead there's me. Yay.

"Time for some salvage boys", my entire ass; I KILLED THE FUCKING THINGS. YOU CAN HAVE WHAT I LEAVE.

I ... beat your stupid shield to death and now it is a glider. Awesome.

Okay, that all happened, and now I have access to the Forbidden West! ...Shame I have to go back and investigate that dude's claims of an Eclipse resurgence, but eh, at least I have a campfire past the gate now.

But for the time being, I need a screen break. Well, also to check IMDB. Chris McKenna, you are awesome; how the fuck have you done relatively little bar B-movies and soap opera spots? Angela Bassett - always a pleasure. Okay, who voiced Vuadis? Keythe Farley. I know that name-- Oh. OH. Dude, Keythe Farley has range. That whimpering little piece of self-importance is THANE FUCKING KRIOS. I knew there was something bugging me about that voice.

Right. Break, painkillers, and then a little more of this. I keep forgetting how much the Horizon games are basically entirely my jam. If I need Zen, I can Zen-hunt. If I need problem-solving, I can do climbing things. But if someone doesn't give me a way to ignite Firegleam so I can go further exploring soon, I am going to throttle somebody.

#Thess plays video games #Thess liveblogs Horizon Forbidden West

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useless-bi-otch · 1 year

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Cookies'n Cream - Chapter 18

Last chapter / MasterList / art by @aneenasevla

Chapter 18 - Curiosity Killed the Gorilla

"... Aaand it's sent! Now we just wait for the likes, shares and comments about how lucky I am for the company."

"My God, you really want me to kiss you here in the middle of the street, don't you? Because that's what it looks like," Tomori jokes, giving him a playful push, to which Okubo laughs. The push didn't even make him move, but it was enough of an excuse for him to place a hand on her back and leave it there, in a discreet caress. He shows her the cracked phone screen.

"Save it for when the likes start to come, lady. Then I'll feel like I've earned it," He winks, supporting her as they get off the train to the crowded station. "But there's something you can do for me right now."

"What?"

"Hold my hand so I don't lose sight of you in the middle of this crowd. You're so short that I fear you'll be swallowed by this sea of people and I'll never see you again..."

"You clown," She pats the hand he offered her. "In that case, take advantage of your privileged view and guide us out of this crowd. And tell me how the weather is there among the clouds, while you're at it. Any sign of rain?"

"Nope! Clear sky, few clouds, the first stars appearing along with the soft and pleasant tones of twilight," He looks up as they leave the station. "Perfect weather for a walk to your neighborhood. It's the first time I've followed you home on foot, now that I'm thinking about it..."

“It's a good walk until there. It's sort of part of my weekly workout, in addition to the weightlifting sessions I do at home."

“I'd love to attend a session like that one of these days,” he comments, smiling at the thought. He could give her tips, do demonstrations, tell funny experiences he had in gyms... and of course, seeing her wearing a sports bra and leggings would be a nice bonus. "I'm not exactly a trainer, but I know enough to give you some directions, if you like."

"Oh, would you look at this…," She turns her head to the side at him, smiling playfully. "First he offers to help me with baseball batting, and then to give me tips on working out. I'm starting to think this is a very well thought out scheme of yours to start a career in coaching, with me being your first attempt."

"It wouldn't be a very profitable scheme, considering that I don't charge anything more than a few kisses and a few hours in your company," He joins in the joke. "It's just that I can't get enough of how much we have in common. It makes me want to keep trying to figure out if there's something I like that you don't, and vice versa."

"Well, just ask! We've been asking questions about each other's lives, all these times we've gone out together, afterall," She smiles and, this time, she's the one who offers him her hand. "And now the opportunity is perfect, because we're going to my house. A well-reserved, non-public place, where there aren't a bunch of voices around to disturb our conversation..."

... Okay, when she put it like that, it was even easier for him to understand the size of the step they were taking.

They had gone out together a few more times after their successful second date that resulted in their first kiss, and to various other places besides the batting cages at the sports center: a walk around Shibuya, two trips to the movies, a walk through Ueno Park with riding pedal boats and even going to a maid cafe, just for the pleasure of their inside joke. All these encounters ended the same way as the original: him leaving her at the door of her house, but not before exchanging some heated kisses, which were getting longer and longer, neither wanting to say good night and goodbye. None of these times did she invite him into her home.

But now that seemed about to change, and he felt a strange rush of anxiety overwhelm him at the thought. A mixture of want and a slight fear of what that could mean for the two of them. I mean, calling your current date to your house was a lot more serious than suggesting they go get some love in a motel, wasn't it?

He wonders, rather involuntarily, if she would like him to invite her to his apartment too, in the near future. Holy shit, he'd have to give the place a good sweep before that happened, he wouldn't know where to hide his face if she saw the mess that was his place...

"Naoya...?"

He is unceremoniously roused from his reverie by her voice, calling to him with some concern. She was looking at him with one eyebrow arched, her hand still outstretched, fingers opening and closing slightly.

"Is everything okay? You looked worried all of a sudden... ooh, is it the hands?," She moved her arm away, embarrassed. "Sorry, you don't have to feel obligated to do that if you don't want to-"

"I do!," He hurries to answer, his voice a little louder than necessary, extending his hand to hold hers and prevent it from getting out of his reach. "Sorry, I started to think about some things here and got distracted..."

"Do you want to share them with me? Or would you rather keep your schemes on how to make me this generation's next model athlete a secret?"

"I would keep them secret from the public and the press, never from you, hahaha. But no, seriously... I...," He looks to the side, feeling his palms sweat. "Is this really okay? Me, going to your house...?"

"Of course it is! Why wouldn't it be?," She asks, smiling gently as if to reassure him. "I didn't invite you the other times only because we always came back a little late from dates. But now it's not even seven o'clock. It's still too early for us to say goodbye..."

He would've rocketed up if that had been humanly possible, joy making his feet light and even dancing.

"I agree! It's just that I would've brought something if I'd known. A souvenir, as the custom demands..."

"You already gave me too many souvenirs, hahaha! Enough flowers for me to open my own flower shop, remember?," She jokes, lightly hitting the side of her hip on his thigh, which was what she could reach from that height. "Now I'm the one who wants to reciprocate. What do you think about eating a savory dish of mine for a change?"

"Wow, I'm in! I mean, I've already eaten sandwiches made by you at the bakery, but not a real dinner," He smiles openly, and unconsciously puts a hand on his belly. "Just thinking about it makes me hungry, damn it..."

“And after you tell me that, do you really expect me to let you go willingly? A cook's life's mission is to feed others, especially those she cares about!," She raises a fist with determination, and he chuckles softly.

"You sound like Sanji from One Piece when you talk like that, hahaha! Who's your favorite Straw Hat?," He asks excitedly, but this excitement wanes a little before the slightly embarrassed smile she opens.

"Uh… Chopper, I guess…? I don't know, I haven't watched One Piece since highschool..."

"Oh, I see… sorry, it's just that I'm such a nerd…," He scratches the back of his head, now just as embarrassed. "The girls I've gone out with were always bored with my conversations. I end up forgetting that this is not really your thing..."

"Hey, you're stereotyping again," She points at him with an indignant pout. "I'm not really into manga and anime, but it's not because I'm a woman. Kanny herself loves One Piece, you know?"

"Really? Damn, I'd like chatting with her about it if she wasn't hating me right now..."

"You can chat about it with me. It's not because I'm not a fan that I wouldn't want to hear you talking about your interests," She squeezes his hand to reassure him. "Seriously, we don't need to have absolutely everything in common. It's actually good that we don't, so we discover new things that we might like."

"Heh… you're right," He intertwines his fingers with hers, smiling again, now more relieved. "And I tell you the same, okay? You can talk to me about the things you like, not just martial arts and baseball."

"Heh, I hope you don't get bored..."

“You'll be amazed at how open-minded I can be. Let's have a chat about women's interests. For example, if you prefer to get a Helsa skirt or Swarovski crystal earrings..."

"Hell no, forget about it! I'm serious, don't laugh! Ugh, you big meathead...!," She punches him in the arm, to which he throws his head back with a thunderous laugh. "I think I'd rather get a box of those chocolates again than that..."

"Noted! I'll bring one with at least half a kilo of chocolate next time...just kidding!," He exclaims when she gives him a threatening look. "But seriously, I promise I'll listen to you when you want to talk about your interests too. I'm really curious now..."

"We can talk better over dinner. It'll take a little while to be rady, but we can do other things while we wait. You've never seen the inside of my house, for example," She comments, a little thoughtful. "It's kinda funny to think that Rihito has been there, but you haven't."

"Yeah, he made a point of throwing that in my face a few weeks ago," Okubo snorts grumpily. And he arches an eyebrow when she sees Tomori getting suddenly tense . "What is it?"

“Did he… tell you about my interior decorating choices?”

"Uh… if you're talking about the posters in the living room, he did tell me," He nods after thinking a bit. "But I'm not someone to dictate how you should decorate your house, Tomori. And again, I don't judge your tastes... if you promise not to judge my Ultraman posters if you visit my apartment one day, haha."

"I won't, I promise," She laughs, a little calmer. And then thinks better about what he said, blushing a little. "But would you do that? Invite me to your apartment, I mean..."

"Sure, why not? It's only fair," He nods excitedly. "Then I can show you my trophy room, my reading room, my consoles... I just think we'd have to order a pizza at dinner time, because my fridge has seen fuller days , haha ha!"

"I'm starting to think that the questionable diet of single men isn't necessarily an unfounded stereotype," She jokes, and then points, "Oh, we're already around the corner! I think that was the fastest walk I've ever taken from the station to here..."

"Yeah, I didn't even notice the path I took either," He comments, a little surprised. It was amazing how time seemed to fly by when he was with Tomori. He would've moaned about it in another situation, but not now. They didn't have to say goodbye on her doorstep. They would still have many hours together from now on.

"Hopefully, we'll have all night."

The thought filled him with a rush to get to her house, and he tried to contain it. Why bother if the night has already been won? And any extra time with her was a win, whatever they were doing.

They are soon through the automatic gates, stepping onto the stone path that leads to the porch. The overhead light came on, and she smiled at him.

"Before we go inside, I want to start our little ritual."

He blinks, confused. "Ritual? What ritual-"

She interrupts him by raising her right hand, hooking her fingers in the fabric of his shirt, and making him duck with a small tug. Their mouths meet, and soon Okubo's initial astonishment is replaced by an almost euphoric satisfaction. Hell, in what universe would he deny her a kiss? He reciprocates promptly, one hand automatically going to her back as hers rest on his shoulders. Soon the contact gets a little more intense, and he finds himself pulling her off the ground with a hug. She holds on to him more firmly so she doesn't lose her balance, asking for more by touching his lips with her tongue, and he obliges with an enthusiasm that made her chuckle softly.

Damn, seeing his excitement being so well received did lots of good to his self-esteem, as well as his libido. And if that meant that she wanted it as much as he did... dammit, then the dessert that came after that dinner would be the best he'd ever tasted!

They finally pull away when the need for oxygen becomes impossible to ignore, panting softly and looking into each other's eyes. He puts her down slowly, and she gives him one last peck before smiling at him.

"Just for luck..."

"Believe me, I'm feeling very lucky right now," He jokes, his voice husky. "Best ritual I've ever done. I think it's good that we always do this from now on, so that luck never ends."

“Never wasting time, not in the octagons or out of them.” She laughs softly, squeezing his hand one last time before digging through her purse for something. She takes out the keys and unlocks the door, leaving it open for him to enter right behind her. "Leave your shoes by the door, please."

"Alright," He nods, muttering an 'excuse me' and giving a quick bow before taking off his shoes and entering, having to bend down a little to do it. He busies himself with observing his surroundings while Tomori leaves her purse in the coat rack next to the door.

After walking down a long corridor, they arrive in the small living room of what was the interior of a typical middle-class residence, with enough space to accommodate a couple without children or a small family. For a single woman who lived on her own, that should be more than enough, he supposed. It was in a slightly more western style, which was common in Tokyo's newer residential areas. Two sofas, one small and one medium, with a tea table in the center on a cream-colored rug, and against the wall, a television on a wooden cabinet. In the center of the table was a vase, and inside it, the daisies, gerberas and gladioli that he had given her a few days ago; seeing that she was taking care of the flowers made him immensely happy.

Separated from the living room by a counter was the kitchen, also small but looking professionally equipped; nothing more than expected for a chef. The dining table was also small, but that would only make the diner even more intimate. He saw other vases with more flowers there, adding color to the room. The stairs in the corner must lead to the upper floor where the bedrooms and bathroom were.

In general, it would be an absolutely normal residence if it weren't for one detail: the posters of different sizes on the walls, some glued, others framed like photographs. They were all from fighters he either knew personally or had seen in action on television or the internet. Sekibayashi's was one of those privileged enough to be framed, as was Gaolang's. The twinge of jealousy that hit him was short-lived, however; it was enough time for him to notice his own poster, also framed, striking a victorious pose while displaying the championship belt around his waist.

"Uh... so...?," Tomori suddenly asks, arms crossed, seeming to want to look at everything but him. "I know it's a bit exaggerated and that it looks more like a teenager's bedroom than the living room of an grown woman's house..."

"I haven't seen too many teenage bedrooms or too many grown women's living rooms to make a comparison," He jokes, scratching the back of his head with a low chuckle. "Honestly? From what Rihito said, I was expecting something much more 'hall of fame-ish', if you know what I mean, hahaha!"

"If my living room was something of that level, I'd have to charge you visitation," She jokes too, smiling sheepishly. "So… you don't mind?"

"It's not like I have the right to, come on," He shrugs calmly. "Again, it's your house, Tomori. And honestly, there are fewer posters than I was expecting."

This ends up making her laugh, her shoulders shaking. "What? Were you expecting to see my living room walls completely covered in posters, to the point where you couldn't even see their colors?"

"Hey, hey, my informant was Rihito, and you've met enough of him to know how he's always adding tails to his tales," He justifies himself, and it's his turn to be embarrassed. "No, seriously, your place's nice. Tidier than mine, that's for sure. And you have good taste in idols, no denying," He points to his own poster, arching an eyebrow. "Who's the hunk over there? Do I need to see him as a rival for your affections or something?"

She laughs out loud this time, even though she's still blushing. "Nah, no need to! Not anymore, anyway," She looks at the poster, her eyes softening. "He used to be an idea I had in my head, you know. The idea of someone who would be a source of admiration and inspiration personified, like Seki, Gaolang and many others. Someone far above, out of my reach. But what I'm seeing in front of me now...," She looks at him over her shoulder. "This someone is someone I can laugh with, joke with and talk to, someone I can touch, hug and kiss... so I prefer him much, much more."

Okubo can only stare at her, dumbfounded, his plans to make fun of her over her former idolization of him going down the drain in a way he couldn't have foreseen. Again, she left him speechless without even trying very hard to.

That was probably one of the things that would never change about their relationship, no matter how deep it got. And after that, he wanted anything but that to change.

He moves before he knows it, and Tomori gasps as he takes her in his arms, lifting her off the ground again to reach her mouth, in a kiss even more intense than the one they exchanged on the porch. She hugs him around the neck to steady herself, reciprocating with a low, long sigh, and Okubo shudders as she wraps her legs around his waist. He automatically holds her tighter, not wanting to move an inch away from her.

Holy shit… if it continued at this rate, they'd end up skipping dinner. He blamed that adorable creature who could wrap a grown man almost twice her size around her little finger for that. He wanted so badly to take her to the bedroom, or who knows, to lay her down on that couch and give her the treatment she deserved...

“Not with all these posters around staring at you, dipshit!”

Shit, the posters… he suddenly felt very aware of the dead stares of the fighters depicted on the walls, especially those he knew on a personal level. It was ridiculous, but it seemed to be the same principle as a religious person refusing to do something sinful in front of a representation of the deity they worshiped. As if Sekibayashi, Gaolang and all the others were watching his performance and judging him.

And with that thought, his excitement died pretty quickly. Hey, maybe he had found the ideal method to get rid of morning wood!

"Hnnn...," He murmurs low against her lips, giving it one last lick before pulling his face away to breathe. "And he's also enjoying doing all these things with you. He wants to do so much more. And he's feeling really stupid for talking about himself in third person."

Tomori laughs, leaning her forehead against his. "I think that's cute of him… okay, okay, I'll stop," She promises when he huffs. "But seriously, I had imagined that you'd be uncomfortable seeing your own face on my living room wall. Maybe I shouldn't have hung the poster up there again..."

"Then I would be offended that there is no tribute to me on the living room walls of my number one fan!," He snorts, but his tone remains playful. "I'm used to seeing my own face on television, on magazine covers and on the street screens in Shibuya. But… this one's definitely not one of my best angles,” He scowls at the poster.

"Why not? This is the portrait of the moment when you were enshrined as the first Japanese to become Ultimate Fight's heavyweight champion! It's glorious," She snaps back in mock outrage, whereupon he sets her down to place his hands on his hips.

"Yeah, but not in this picture! Look how the light hits my head," He points. "The sweat makes it look like a disco ball... yeah, laugh at the bald man, very empathetic of you," He snorts as he watches her bend over herself a bit, wiping a tear of laughter from one eye.

"S-Sorry, but it's hard to empathize with someone who is bald by choice. And anyway, that's your opinion. I really like this poster and I think you look great in it," She pats the frame, smiling excitedly. "It's the result of all the sweat and tears you've shed to get to where you are, a slap in the face to all who doubted you, an irrefutable proof of how right you were when you said that the defeatism of the Japanese martial arts leagues was nothing more than underdog syndrome, excuses from those who talk a lot and do little!"

Okubo can't resist, laughing happily. "Damn, I've missed those passionate speeches of yours about me, hahaha! But seriously, it's really nice to see someone who positively interpreted the crap I said in that documentary..."

"It wasn't crap! ... Okay, maybe that final jab of yours was unnecessary," She admits after thinking a little. "It was by far what made people be mad at you the most in those days."

"Yeah, it's kinda unforgettable when cancel culture bites you in the butt fot the first time, hehehe!"

"And he even takes pride in it, my god…," She laughs along with him. "But in general, I agreed with everything you said in that documentary. In fact...," She shifts her weight from one foot to the other, suddenly shy. "It was after watching it that I found the motivation to change my life."

Okubo stops smiling, surprise and curiosity taking over his features. "Change your life…? Oh, are you talking about your delinquent phase?"

"Well, yes, in a way... oh, but if we were to talk about it now, we'd going to be here in the living room all night and dinner would never get ready!," She suddenly claps her hands together, rubbing them afterwards. "We can talk better while we eat, how about that?"

“Uh… sure, that's fine with me.” He nods, taken aback, but dammit, how could he refuse food when she was the one offering it? "Want some help? I'm no chef like you, but I can cut and wash some vegetables, I don't know."

"Well, since you're offering...," She nods, smiling "Just wash your hands first, please. The bathroom is upstairs."

"Yes ma'am!," He salutes, eliciting an affectionate eye roll from her before she turns and heads for the kitchen. He climbs the stairs to the upper floor, which consisted of a long corridor, with two doors on the left and one on the right.

Now... which of the three was the entrance to the bathroom? Damn, she hadn't told him which door was the right one. Maybe it was the first... but for who's going up the stairs or for who's going down? And why was he making a fuss about something so stupid?!

"You're afraid of accidentally walking into her room... which is pretty stupid considering your night will end there."

The thought lifted his confidence a little. Heck, if he missed the door on the first try, he could just close it and try again. He does so, choosing the lone door on the right.

It wasn't the bathroom, but it didn't look like a bedroom either, as there wasn't a bed in there. In the dim light from the hallway, he thought for a second that it was a spare room being used as a storage room. There were boxes stacked in a corner, rectangular white objects propped against them. They looked like... canvases?

Okubo couldn't help his curiosity and groped along the wall until he found a switch. The room lit up, and he found himself in front of what looked like a small crafts room. At least that's what he assumed when he saw himself in front of the painted canvases propped up in the boxes, the small shelf partially filled with colored pencils, graphite, brushes and a few paint pots, a desk with piles of papers full of doodles and a easel, right in the center of the room.

And there were pictures too. Not wall posters of fighters this time, but framed photographs, attached to a magnetic photo board or in frames that filled the other half of the shelf. Many were from people he had never seen before, but who bore enough resemblance to Tomori that he assumed they were her family: an older couple, who must’ve been her parents, and a younger man accompanied by a woman of the same age; probably her brother and sister-in-law.

But his interest was entirely focused on the photos where she appeared, especially the older ones. There he found familiar faces: Tomori with Kanami and Hiro, the three of them looking like they were in their teens (holy shit, was it just him or did Kanami used to be chubby when she was younger? Those extra pounds definitely weren't the muscles he saw). They appeared in a lot of those photos, at the most varied times. And in many of them, there was another girl with them, with tanned skin and curly, dyed blonde hair. She appeared with only Tomori in several photos, one of which depicted both of them wearing school uniforms.

And what captured his curiosity the most about these older photos was that in almost all of them, Tomori's hair wasn't wavy and brown, but straight and black. So that current hue and texture was unnatural? Damn, he'd never have guessed just by looking...

Just as he never would've guessed that she was an amateur artist. He didn't explore the room more and peek at her work only because it would be tremendously impolite. But he might ask when he returned downstairs. He turns off the light and closes the door slowly, not sure if he feels more guilty for snooping or curious about what he's seen.

He tries the first door on the left this time, and luckily it was a bathroom; a room with three sections, consisting of the tiny laundry room, the toilet and sink area, and the shower and bath area, all separated by thin walls. The bathtub seemed small, and he found himself thinking sadly that it would be next to impossible for the two of them to be able to bathe together there. Well, the bathtub in his apartment was big enough for both of them, so that was all the more reason for him to invite her over there one of these days.

He turns on the faucet and washes his hands, taking the opportunity to check his reflection in the mirror. He looked presentable, but dammit, he'd only taken a quick shower in the morning before accompanying his friends to Kazuo's office, and from there he'd taken two walks, one to the bakery and the other to Tomori's house. Did he not smell of sweat? And what about his breath after eating? Maybe he should at least use the mouthwash right there in the sink, or take off his shirt and give his armpits a quick wash with soap just in case. The mood would sour pretty quickly if he smelled bad...

He suddenly feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He hadn't asked her for her Wi-Fi password, so his mobile data must still be on. He dries his hands and checks his messages. There were some from Rihito, in their group chat.

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

just to let you know, @EggHead, we're in kaneda's place

we couldn't resist, biohazard 8 was calling us with siren songs

sorry, we'll do another game night with ya on a free day

Okubo rolls his eyes, but the truth is, he wasn't exactly upset. He had no right to demand that his friends not have fun without him. But he was glad to know they were at least considerate enough to let him know.

EggHead:

no worries man

tell me what games he has there later

enjoy the night on your side and I’ll enjoy in mine lol

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

i wasn't expecting you to answer now

what, she couldn't stand your smell and told you to wash it off first?

Hahahaha

EggHead:

fuck you dude lol

she's making dinner and I'm going to help

did ur mom never teach you that you can’t have dessert before dinner?

have some manners

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

lmao you worthless pervert

yeah, gorge yourself on dinner and then go eat the hell of that dessert

just be careful not to fall mouth first in her plushies by accident lol

EggHead:

???

the fuck you mean?

what plushies?

have some respect you fucker

talking about her lady bits like that

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

LMAO

what lady bits

fuckin dumbass

i'm talkin about stuffed animals lol

EggHead:

ooooh

okay i got it now

but seriously, what plushies?

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

and you still ask

she is all cute, girly-girl and shit

i'm pretty sure her bed must be full of that stuff

Okubo frowns. The mental image that those words painted... he shivers a little. Damn, that sounded so wrong!

EggHead:

wait, you really think so?

fuckin hell...

when it’s not one thing, it’s another

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

are you going to let that slow you down?

going limp over stuffed animals is the last fuckin straw LOL

I wouldn't give a single fuck

EggHead:

it's easy for you to say talk!

you're not the one who will have one knee on the mattress and the other on top of Mockey!

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

LMAOOOOOO I'M GONNA PISS IN MY PANTS

Gigolo:

holy shit dude

rihito hollered for the entire building to hear

i even came to see what it is, let me read it

LMAOOOO

it's the my little pony squad getting in the way of egghead's dick weting session xD

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

ROTFL

again, i wouldn't give a shit

but go check it for yourself to be sure

GiantKiller:

oh my xD

but go check it?

are you talking about him going to snoop on her room??

this is wrong on so many levels!

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

it’s just for conscience relief man!

that way he doesn’t get scared and goes all limp-dick in the worst time possible

GiantKiller:

it's still wrong

if it bothers you so much, Okubo, see if there isn’t another more appropriate place for it

EggHead:

there's another room

a crafts room it seems

she's apparently an amateur artist, can you believe that?

it's full of art supplies like canvases, pencils, brushes, even an easel

Gigolo:

we know

miss uta told kaneda and I that she likes to paint and illustrate

EggHead:

WHAT??!

WHEN???

GiantKiller:

on wednesday before the sunday rihito went to talk to her

himuro tought she might like it, considering she likes doing cookie art

she confirmed it when he asked

EggHead:

and why didn't you fuckin tell me anything???

you had information like that laying around and you didn’t think about sharing it with me??

Gigolo:

what difference does that make now?

EggHead:

it makes a difference because I could've bought her a gift based on that!

fucking hell dude

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

lmao cry me a river

no, cry her a river, preferably on her bed

EggHead:

that's exactly what i'm gonna do

fuck the plushies, and fuck you guys too

fair weather friends

Gigolo:

LMAOOO dude's fuckin pissed

you guys are good again, you're on her house and you're about to get laid

the fuck you complaining about?

GiantKiller:

and thanks to us, by the way

don't be ungrateful, Okubo

AND DON'T GO SNOOPING INTO HER ROOM

EggHead:

okay, okay, my bad

thanks you bastards

and I need to at least prepare myself for what i'm gonna see, kaneda

i'll just open her bedroom door, I won’t even go in

GiantKiller:

for god's sake

at least be discreet

don’t go through her drawers or anything

EggHead:

dude i won't touch anything

i'm not rihito

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

man fuck you

i'm a bit of a pervert, but i'm not a sicko

EggHead:

yeah, right

anyway, i'll be off now

she must be wondering why i'm taking so long, i won’t keep her waiting

see ya

Okubo puts his phone away again, cursing under his breath. Damn Rihito for putting absurd mental images in his head that didn't help his arousal at all. How the hell was he supposed to perform in a room full of cuddly plushies, staring at him with those beaded eyes exuding innocence and motherly disapproval?!

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. If so, he'd have to swallow his discomfort, for Tomori's sake. He really had no right to complain about her decorating choices. And anyway, spending that time with her, showing how much he wanted things between them to work out and go forward, showing how important she had become to him; all of that was worth far more than his attempts to protect his fragile ego.

He leaves the bathroom, slowly closing the door behind him, before facing the only other door left. It could only be her room. And to peek into such an intimate room without the hostess's permission was despicable, worthy of a clueless pervert...

“I won't touch anything. I won't even go in. I'll just open the door and turn on the light, nothing more...”

With that promise to himself, he goes to the door, gripping the handle and holding his breath before slowly opening it. The room was dark, the light from the hallway only partially illuminating it. He could see a single bed, a desk with a computer, stationery and a couple of framed pictures, a bookcase and... his own face?

Okubo blinks. He gropes along the wall, finding the switch and turning on the light. And what he saw made him wish that the room was full of plushies instead of... that.

There were posters of fighters everywhere. The walls almost disappeared beneath them. They were of all different sizes, some small enough to have been cut out of magazines, and others huge, almost the width of the door itself. His was in a prominent position, just above the desk, and Sekibayashi's and Gaolang's flanked him as if they belonged to a boy band of muscleheads. And there were so many others, most his acquaintances, some even his rivals inside the octagons, and many of them looked old, worn, portraying younger versions of themselves.

All those shirtless, sometimes sweaty men flexing and showing off their impressive muscles, their expressions either triumphant or livid as if they were about to pounce on their opponent... all those dead gazes directed at the bed in the corner of the room...

If a turn-off was capable of producing sounds, his at that moment would have made the classic Pac-Man death sound. How the fuck would he be able to do anything inside that sanctuary which seemed to be dedicated to everything virile and gay?!

He quickly turns off the light and closes the door with an expression of someone who was suffering with PTSD. He swallows hard, sweating a little, his brain trying to register the scene he had just witnessed, the hemisphere responsible for rationality trying to convince him that it wasn't that bad, he could ignore it, he just needed to be on top of her and to not look at the fucking posters...!

But the other hemisphere, which was responsible for all the neurotic fantasies that had been curdling his thoughts lately, told him that, in the missionary position, Sekibayashi, Gaolang and all those others would have a very privileged view of his ass.

Okubo buries his face in his left hand, groaning hard, wanting to slam his forehead against the wall, as much to punish himself as to forget what he had just seen. Why the hell did he open that door?! That's what he got for sticking his nose where it didn't belong! Curiosity killed the cat, or in this case, the gorilla.

"Naoya?," He hears Tomori calling from downstairs. "Is everything okay up there? Do you need help with something?"

He shudders, clearing his throat quickly to make his voice as normal as possible before replying, “Uuh- no, it's okay! It's just that I received a few messages and decided to reply right away, so no notifications would disturbed us..."

"Oh, okay! I've already laid out the ingredients here on the counter if you're ready to start."

"Alright!," He goes down the stairs, trying to think of something, anything, to use as an excuse to book it. He wouldn't be able to do anything in that disturbing room, not even if he took a few blue bombers like an old man. It wouldn't happen in the living room either, and he didn't want their first time to be in the kitchen either...

Hell, it didn't take a genius to know that nothing was going to happen that night! The best thing was for him to leave, for him to find any excuse to take the road, because otherwise he would only be wasting Tomori's time. Maybe he could come up with some sort of emergency? He's trying to come up with one that sounds convincing enough when he walks into the kitchen. Tomori lifts her head and smiles excitedly at him.

"Look! I checked the fridge and saw that I had all the ingredients to make ginger pork," She points to a meat board on the kitchen counter, where there were pork strips, still raw. "I know it's not very elaborate or sophisticated, but I guarantee you that my ginger pork is delicious! Can you help me with the onions? The ginger is in that little jar with the blue cap," She makes a cute little happy sound. "I'm so excited to show you how I cook! I'm even getting a little nervous, hahaha..."

... Okubo felt like the worst person in the world, not worthy of that woman who was too good to be true.

How could he even think of running away from her house and letting her down, all because he'd paid the price for snooping? She deserved better treatment than that. Hell, she deserved all the best he could give her, even if the night wasn't going to end with them in a bed!

He wanted to stay there with her. He wanted to cook dinner with her, eat with her, talk, laugh, watch tv, anything. More physical things could be for later, and preferably far away from the homosexual sanctuary that was that room.

"Ahaha, what are you even saying? I'm the one who should be excited," He approaches, trying to smile. "After all, I'm going to see my favorite cook in action, besides being able to learn from her."

"You're a sweetheart, but you won't escape helping in the kitchen with just a few smooth words."

"And who said I want to escape it? Guide me through your kingdom of meats, vegetables and spices, miss, you'll have the privilege of having me as your humble follower again," He gestures to the whole kitchen with a sweeping wave of his arm. Tomori laughs, opening a drawer and pulling out a baby blue apron.

"With pleasure. Here, you'll need it," She throws him the apron, laughing again when he makes a face. "Relax, I promise it will be our secret. And look, we're matching!," She shows her own apron, which Okubo recognized as the one she wore in the selfie she sent him weeks ago.

"How cheesy... you're lucky I like cheesy things in secrecy," He jokes, putting on the apron just to appease her. It had frills and looked tiny on him. He snorts when she smirks at the sight, "Next time I'll bring my own apron."

"Heh… good to know there will be a next time," She comments smiling as she hands him another knife. "Cut the onions like this, into thin slices. And don't worry, they're ice cold so they won't sting your eyes."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Just leave them in the freezer for ten minutes and the enzymes that trigger the gas that causes burning are not activated," She explains excitedly. "Cool, right?"

"Wow, I didn't know that!," He comments, impressed, trying to cut the onions in the thickness she asked. "You're really knowledged in cooking stuff..."

"I have a degree in gastronomy for a reason," She sticks out her chest a little, in a gesture of personal pride that he found adorable. "Although this particular trick I learned from my mother. She cooks really well too."

"I can imagine. Was it because of her that you decided to pursue this career?," He asks, and she seems to think for a few seconds, looking up.

"Hnnn… yeah, in parts," She finally replies. "I liked to cook with her since I was a little girl. She was happy, saying I was going to be an excellent cook in the future. And an excellent wife," She smiles with embarrassment. "But I just liked doing things in the kitchen, seeing the happy expressions of those who ate my food and hearing compliments. I had other aspirations at the time..."

"Like art?," He asks before he manages to stop himself, and flinches a little when she looks at him with some surprise.

"Huh? ... Oh, you... you know that I...?"

"Yeah, I… I kinda accidentally saw your crafts room," He admits, a little embarrassed. "I was looking for the bathroom and opened the wrong door by mistake."

She blinks, looking even more surprised. "Oh… I was thinking that Himuro and Kaneda had told you that I liked painting and illustrating, since I had mentioned it to them before."

... Ouch. His big-ass mouth: one. Subtlety: zero. It was just like him to rattle and get himself into trouble when he could very well have gotten away with it if he'd just kept quiet. He shrinks further.

"Sorry, it was an accident..."

"No, it's okay," She assured, waving the hand that held the knife. "It was my fault, I forgot to tell you which door was the right one. And there's nothing extremely personal or embarrassing about that room that makes it a no-go zone for visitors, hahaha!"

He laughed along with her, because at this point, laughing was preferable to screaming hysterically and looking like a lunatic.

"Hehe, if- if you say so... but seriously, I really didn't know that you liked to draw and paint. And I guess I should've guessed, considering your cookies are a work of art."

"Awn, thanks!," She blushes with pleasure at the compliment. "I thought about majoring in visual arts in college, but my parents protested so much that I gave up. They're afraid I wouldn't get a good job and good references on my CV... yeah, I know, they sound controlling," She nods when she sees his sympathetic expression. "They even tried to push me to study law, medicine or architecture, which was the major my brother chose. But I put my foot down and refused. Today they mellowed down and now they respect my decisions more, even if they don't approve very much."

"At least that…," He ends up shrugging, finishing cutting the onion and picking up the ginger. "My parents didn't care much about my choices. I got drafted on my school's wrestling team as soon as I started the school year, and that guaranteed me a shitload of opportunities, so they had nothing to complain about. It sucks that you didn't have that same support..."

"It's okay, I don't regret the choices I made," She guarantees, picking up a bottle that looked like sake, from a corner of the counter. "I love working as a cook, and the salary allows me to keep art as a hobby. I mean, as far as acceptable, it's not enough for me to buy the best materials there is, but it's something."

"In that case I'm happy for you, haha… and I swear I wasn't snooping aroung there, I just saw the canvases!," He swears, a bit agitated. "I just paid attention to the photos…"

"Oh yes, those photos…," She takes the board with the chopped onions that he held out to her, starting to brown them in the frying pan. "They were supposed to be displayed in the living room, or at least in my bedroom. But there, in my crafts room, they give me inspiration and motivation. And they remind me of how things have changed since then."

"Hehe, and how they changed… I learned a lot of new things about you just by looking at those photos," He comments, calmer now that he made sure she wasn’t offended by his accidental snooping. "I didn’t know that you dyed your hair. It's not a criticism at all, this color looks great on you."

"Huh?," She stops in the act of pouring a trickle of sake into the frying pan, staring at him confused. "But I didn't. This is my natural color."

"Uh... wait, really?," It's his turn to be confused. "But I saw some pothos from your school days, and your hair was straight and black..."

"Ooh…," She nods slowly, embarrassed. "Got it. But yeah... that was my dyed, straightened hair," She explains, smiling, embarrassed by his surprise. "My school was the strict type, very inflexible with its rules. And I needed to suit the standards."

"Damn, man…," He shakes his head, indignant. "Are you serious that there are schools that still do these things? That's messed up... but wait," He frowns. "There was a friend of yours in those photos giving the biggest gyaru vibes, with her tanned skin, bleached hair and all. Didn't the school forbid that too?"

"Ooh, are you talking about Akane?," Tomori lets out a vengeful laugh. "They did, but she didn't give a fuck. They threatened her with suspension and even expulsion several times, but the threats never went ahead. She was well connected and the school board was scared shitless of her dad and his 'friends', hahaha!"

"Holy shit, I don't even want to ask… but Akane? Isn't that your friend whose number Rihito wants so bad?," Okubo's eyes widen. "Boy, he really doesn't know what he's getting himself into..."

"I told you, didn't I?," She smiles devilishly. "Anyway, she's been my best friend since high school. I was hanging out with her even before I met Kanny and Hiro. She went through a delinquent phase along with me. We used to terrorize that school. Good times, hehehe..."

"Damn, you weren't joking about that delinquent phase, eh. I've got your number," He laughs, disbelieved. "But I don't have any room to judge, as I did the same thing. I just didn't expect this to be one of the many things we have in common, haha."

Tomori lowers her head a little, eyes fixed as she tends to the frying pan where the onions are browning. She then dips the pork strips into the spiced mixture, stirring vigorously, the flames fanned by the cooking sake, which Okubo is a little nervous about. He even takes a step back.

"H-Hey, sorry, I promise I won't meddle anymore, you don't have to try to intimidate me with pyromania techniques, hahaha...!"

"What- no, that's not it," She shakes her head quickly, taking the frying pan away from the heat. "I'm not mad, I'm just…," She hesitates a little, looking up at him shyly. "I'm just wondering if it changes something for you. In the way you see me, I mean..."

This makes Okubo relax, though not completely. His expression softens as he moves closer again, his expression a little more serene.

"I already said it don't. Again, this is you, isn't it? It's just that I was really curious about what you told me just now... about the things I said in that documentary getting you through that phase," He scratches the back of his head, sort of forgetting that his hands were full of onion bits. "Was that time so complicated for you? For you to think that talking more about it will make me think less of you..."

She sighs a little, closing her eyes briefly. She turns her attention back to the frying pan, and for a second, Okubo thought she was going to ignore him and signal with her silence that the subject was closed. That is until she starts talking.

"It's complicated because, now that I think back, it seems so ridiculous and childish… although at fifteen or sixteen, you're expected to be ridiculous and childish," She gives a humorless laugh "Remember I said I had other aspirations? So... when I was younger, I wanted to become a professional fighter."

"What? Seriously?," He leans towards her, his eyes widening even more. "And why didn't this dream of yours go ahead? I remember that I asked you that day at the market why you didn't learn some martial art..."

"Yeah, you asked. And I couldn't answer you," She nods. "The truth is that I tried to learn, in the last year of middle school. You know how much I am passionate about martial arts, it runs in the family and comes from way back, when I was a little girl... so I decided that I wanted to be part of this world that I loved so much. I begged and begged my parents until they agreed to let me practice judo at a dojo that accepted women. The girls in my class were about my age, and I was super excited. I thought I was going to make a bunch of friends, that I was going to become a judoka like no other, that my fighting career was going to take off... until the third class, where I gave up, bawling my eyes out because my shoulders were killing me after being thrown mercilessly onto the mat by the other girls during practice.

"... Oh," Okubo hisses a little through clenched teeth, sounding pious. "Yeah, judo is no joke, whether for guys or gals. But you could’ve tried with another style, like jiu-jitsu. It's actually a well-recommended martial art for women.

"I know, but my bad experience on that first attempt kinda broke my spirit. The truth is, Naoya, I'm a freaking coward. I hate getting hurt and feeling pain. I hate getting beaten," She gives a mortified smile. "Which is kinda absurd, considering I was always getting into fights in high school. I think anger was a tremendous fuel."

"You're not a coward! Holy shit, how can someone who faced a whole gang of brats like you did be a coward?," He protests indignantly. She shakes her head.

"Having a survival instinct is not the same as being brave. And thinking that I wasn't brave enough to live that childhood dream of mine saddened me to the point of making me go down a bad pathç She turns her head to the side, unable to hold his gaze. "That and several other factors, such as the demands from my parents, my envy of my brother who was a model student and the star of his high school baseball club, how they saw me as inadequate because of things that weren't my fault, like the color and texture of my hair. .. all of this kind of threw me into a self-destructive spiral. I skipped classes, hung out with people who were no good, got into fights... the worst of them was when I fought with another girl over a boy, can you believe it?," She makes a face, the corners of her mouth quivering in a clear attempt to hold back laughter. "We were both liking the same guy, and you know how teenagers are… holy shit, it was a hell of a catfight! I even hit her in the face with a baseball bat, I almost got expelled from school afterwards, hahaha!

"Holy fuck, woman...," Okubo stares at her open-mouthed; the mental image that that brought was too surreal for him to be able to register properly. "I'm glad you weren't armed the night I pissed you off! You were going to leave me scarred for life, just like this girl must’ve been!"

"Yeah, now you know what I'm capable of," She says, half joking, half serious. "But relax, she's fine, and nowadays we're the best of friends. It's not just you fighters who make friends after beating each other up, see?," She made a V with the fingers of her free hand. "Anyway… that time was very difficult for me. I knew that my parents were worried and disappointed, I knew that my fame was spreading, that if I continued like that my life would be over, but I didn't have the heart to try to change, to improve... until I watched your interview, in that documentary."

She finishes frying the meat, turning off the heat and turning to face him. Okubo feels a strange shiver run up his spine at the sight of her intense expression, the glint in her eyes that almost made them look teary, the slight flush that colored her cheeks. Something small flapped against the wall of his stomach.

"You spoke about your belief that race has no influence on a person's ability to be good at something with so much conviction! You said you were good and would prove it to the whole world, and so many people doubted you. So many people accused you of being arrogant, of being a loudmouth with a giant ego, there were even some westerners being racist pieces of shit on the forums. And none of that shook you, none of that stopped you from going out there and proving them all wrong," She clenches her fists against her chest, her voice getting louder, heated, passionate. "It was your dedication, pure and simple, that got you where no other Japanese has gone. You told all those idiots to shut up and watch you fly, and you did! I could only remember everyone telling me that I was a disappointment, a troublemaker, that I was never going to amount to anything in life... and that's when I found the strength to do like you and prove that all of them were wrong about me. I could grow up, be someone, fly like you did! And if I couldn't be a fighter... then I was going to show all my love and admiration for the martial arts by supporting fighters with all my might, cheering with every victory, taking that energy you exude and using it to chase after dreams I knew I could achieve. And that's why I love everything that involves the world of martial arts. Because this world gave me the strength to fight for myself, even if not in the same way that you do."

She stops talking at last, breathing a little hard, taking in his dumbfounded expression. And then she turns very red, playing with her fingers shyly while giggling in embarrassment.

"Ahaha, I'm sorry, I talked much! When I get excited about something, it's hard to shut up..."

But she didn't didn't know that, for Okubo, it was okay. Because the last thing he wanted was for her to shut up.

He remembered when he first met her, how sweet and adorable he found her, a delicate flower that seemed to be the kind of woman he always wanted as an arm candy; a pretty thing for him to display at press conferences as one of his trophies. A time that felt like it was ages ago instead of just over two months ago. And two months was enough to find out how wrong he was about her. And how glad he was that he was wrong.

She said how his words, spoken in that documentary, had swept her away. But she had no idea how enraptured he felt by her at that moment, by the intense passion in her voice, in her convictions, how he wanted her to keep talking because he loved that iron strength behind all the silk, loved the bravery she doubted she possessed, loved how she managed to be fierce without losing her sweetness, loved everything about her, he loved her...

... Oh. Ooh, shit. He was fucked, wasn't he? Holy crap...

... And at the same time it felt so obvious and so, so wonderful to be fucked like that, because of her. How could it not be? As he looked at her face flushed with embarrassment, the hue not fading even as she rattled on, he couldn't think of anyone who was easier to love.

He never had the slightest chance to resist it, right from the start. And for the first time since becoming a professional fighter, with a name and a reputation to uphold, he didn't feel the slightest urge to resist, either. Falling in love with her was easy, it felt good, and he wouldn't try to fight that feeling.

He just didn't know if it was mutual. And how was he going to explain to Rihito, Himuro and Kaneda that this was no longer a simple attempt to get a laid, which was no longer his priority. Damn...

“…you always say you like to hear me talk about the things I'm passionate about, but everyone has a limit on how much litany they can take. And I'm going to think I've found yours if you don't answer me now," She kept whimpering, mortified, and that wakes him up from his daydreams. "Come on, don't make me feel more embarrassed than I already am…!"

"… Why are you embarrassed?," He asks finally, surprising himself by managing to speak in a casual tone, instead of a dazzled one. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about. You're amazing, you know that?"

She stops chattering, blinking, mouth half open. "M-Me?"

"Is there anyone else here besides us? Damn...," He laughs low, approaching and reaching out to gently touch her face. "And you say you're a scared crybaby... you have to have a shitload of courage to recognize limitations and do what you can with them, you know? I'm very happy to have been an inspiration to you, but the willpower to change your life came entirely from you, ok? Don't take away your own merits, miss."

"Oh...," Her eyes twinkle again, in that way that made her look like she was about to cry. She moistens her lips with her tongue, the corners of them curling upwards. "I'm- I'm not… it's just that I was very frustrated for not being able to carry out that dream of mine, and that's not exactly amazing..."

"It is for me, because you didn't lose that passion within yourself, even with those frustrations. It just gave you another purpose, and now you fight in your own way, every day, one batch of cookies at a time," He jokes, to which she laughs. "Congratulations, Uta Tomori. You managed to turn your idol into your fan."

She bites her bottom lip, seeming to be vibrating with happiness as she touches his hands, which were still caressing her face. Sh close her eyes.

“Hearing you say that is almost like a dream come true, you know? But in my old fantasies, I heard it with the fervent admiration of a fan..."

"And now? How do you hear it?"

She opens her eyes, fluttering her lashes a little before turning her face to the side and kissing his left palm.

“I hear it like someone who really, really wants to kiss you right now."

And he doesn't hesitate, bending down to reach her mouth. He was going to have back pain at that rate, but doing that to her was definitely worth a few physical therapy sessions.

They finish making ginger pork and then they eat it (it was delicious, like everything else she made, dammit, he was one lucky son of a bitch!), talking little between one strip of fried meat and another. But it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. It was cozy. He, a chatterbox who couldn't keep his mouth shut for more than five minutes, was perfectly content enjoying this silence with her.

After dinner, she invited him to sprawl out on the sofa in the living room with her while they searched the Netflix catalog for an interesting movie. He was relieved that she hadn't suggested they go upstairs; he definitely wouldn't be abe to get in the mood for that night. But he still had that urge to be close to her, which was also unheard of.

Being like this with a girl, curled up on a couch with no perverted thoughts crossing his mind, just enjoying the warmth of the moment… holy shit, if that wasn't love, he didn't know what else could be.

"Hnnn… today has been a busy day…," She murmurs low, her eyes a little heavy as they are fixed on the television, her head snuggled into his chest as he lazily rubs her back. "And kinda emotional too. Sorry for being tired..."

He understood what those words implied without her needing to elaborate. "Sorry I'm too tired to do things that are more physical and involve less clothing with you." And surprisingly, that relieved him.

"It's fine, Tomori. I'm kinda tired too, the week was busy. I just want to be with you, that's all."

She smiles, closing her eyes "Me too. Then, if you feel like it, I'll show you the rest of the house."

"Fine be me. I'm especially curious about your crafts room. By the way, I wanted to ask..."

"What?"

"Will I ever be able to see you painting?"

She pouts, looking to the side while blushing a little. "Do you really want to? It's pretty boring from the outside."

"Not if I'm your model. How about it, huh?," He raises and lowers his eyebrows playfully. "I'll bring you a bouquet of roses just to pose with one of them between my teeth."

She laughs, pushing his face to the side. "No, I'll be laughing like an idiot and I won't be able to concentrate, hahaha!"

"Laughing at your idol like that, right on his face? And she still calls herself my fan, hunf..."

"I'm your fan, but not blind about it anymore," She lifts her chin a little. And then she smiles, stealing a peck from him. "And you prefer it that way, don't lie."

Oh yes, he sure did. He could never do those things with a blind, fanatical Tomori. She wouldn't have thought herself worthy. And he wouldn't have known her so well to want to go through all that with her. If he hadn't wanted to get to know her better...

Yeah, curiosity killed the gorilla, indeed. And thank God it did.

NEXT CHAPTER

#Kengan Ashura #Kengan Omega #kenganverse #fanfiction #Okubo Naoya #Naoya Okubo #okubo x oc #kengan oc #cookies'n cream #the heavy bakery series

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