After six years, it's supposed to get easier. It never does. Six stages of grief. I'm still in denial. I don't understand how you could leave us. I don't blame you, and it wasn't selfish. I just really want my dad. I just want to say goodbye. I love you daddy
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the poem was in
complete waiting
on a patch to fix
several typos &
a line marketing
said tested well
with the audience
of which the poet
knew nothing at all
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06.101.23
I'm sorry for the useless way I am. Before I drank too much and the world started to lag behind my eyes. You naivley believe this part of me can die. It won't die until I do. I just wanted you to realisem. I don't expect to wake up tomorrow. But now I'm drunk before midnight andithink I've discovered immortality.
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Bliss in the abyss
.
Reality decays to abyss
What is even amiss
In the following rift
I dare not lift
.
Yet in the ripped fabric
I still find time to enjoy fiction
A smile I once mimicked
The feeling missing intention
.
I recall the reason
At the time it felt like treason
The world ever fearsome
Lacking all that is wholesome
.
I remain
In this empty domain
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watching you laugh is kind of like being serenaded by the sun rays in the middle of the afternoon. your beaming smile making my freckles blush and unmask themselves. baby you say you don’t like your greasy hair but ive never seen it bounce so elegantly and freely. I love the embrace of our hands together because even though they’re both kinda sweaty they fit like a glove and know how to keep each other warm. you’re always twirling me around like the earth spins on its axis and it feels like we’re the force that keeps her in rotation. leave your sweaters in my laundry hamper so when I walk past them I’ll catch a glimpse of your outline, and smile to myself. loving you takes me back to preschool, always excited and eager. loving you takes me back to vacations with my parents, nostalgic and as if time moves too fast when it really hasn’t. loving you takes me to places im always elevated in and warm and blushing. loving you is so strong it has no definition, it consists of daydreams and childlike wonder and the feeling home gives you.
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Alas
You tarried indoors too long
Like Cinderella as the clock struck twelve
The magic faded
Leaving you dessicated on the floor in the morning
-a Eulogy to the slug in my toilet
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:exit wonder
i decided i
was gonna
write something
positively
haunting: could
this be
positive: could the
realization of
some haunting
thing
butt in,
suddenly, without
time enuff for
the reader
to
get a
feeling for
what is
being
written: would
that follow
back
to the
core of what
it means to
be haunting: could
one do this and
not be elliptical,
and
so
then
eliminate
the
truth
in
it, altogether: the truth
in something has no
feeling,
only
drapes over
itself with
feeling, and
in doing
so goes
further
from what it
means, except
what it
means has
feeling, too: does
it: is it
plausible to
mount upon the
final
universe, like
a horse, without
being thrown
off by
ur own will to
destroy what is
emotionally
resonant:
wrangle
it
like a bull,
don’t
think it a horse,
dan, better
metaphor: plausible
to let the
emotions
go do their
silly thing and
be as a
result neither
emotional, nor
didactic
and boring: it
seems, it is
hard to be
effusive and still:
try to crystallize a
thought:
it is
somewhat
like giving
in: giving in, yes,
to the reality
that that thought
presents
u with, the
reality in this
case being
the need to make
something haunting
out of words that
still is more like
a clarification
of the form
to feel it in,
rather than a
description
of some
haunting
thing: is
it necessary, if
we cannot
divide feeling
from thought,
to crystallize
and/or abstract info
or transmute
normative
thinking patterns
into abstraction: if
not, well, then, what
comes together when
what comes together
cannot be
conveyed emotionally,
if conveying a
feeling cannot convey
truth: if so,
if it is possible
to drain a moment down
to its epitome, and
forget the feelings
that brought yu
to
that
core, well,
what answer would
u find, then: things
must be related
thru feeling: what
the great ball
of crystal threatens
is to break the
character of
the truth of
what truth there
was to discover
by dismissing
what is there now
to discover:
focusing
instead on the
loss of what
was, since, well,
that truth
cannot be
without a late-
-arrival at it, and
people feel
stuff about
arriving
somewheres late,
usually: they are
pretty pissed
about it, usually:
what
people don’t think
very hard about
are things
that don’t relate
to
them, such as
bullshit
feelings, feelings
of petty
annoyance to
stump the
undisciplined
emotions in a person, and leave
that person locked up
in a hell of their own
discomfiture: emotional
bastards untrained in
taking large amounts
of anxiety, anxiety
felt as haunting-
-ness: so, then,
taking all of this
into account, i will
attempt to
recognize a
truth by
displaying it without
emotion or a
rousing
of the hypos: rather
this is a
dedication to
what is in
the argument
and is not to
what is
not in the
argument: i don’t
care much
about
what
i don’t say:
what i do say
are things
without proper
demonstrations,
sweeping
statements, cleaning
up things, hopefully,
afterwards,
attempting, once
again, to
ford the gulf
between what
i mean and
what
i say: attempting
to remember the
point
that
got tired of
waiting for
u to come to
it: that is,
for me, for
me to come
to it: ah, forget
it: it doesn’t matter
anyways: somehow
i managed to
explain only
the thought i
did not have,
while
things, things
that could have
been said were
lost in this large,
general statement about
the finiteness
of thought/emotion:
finite because
limited, limited
because not
searched
for: not
searched for,
because
the feeling i would
have for finding it: arriving
at it would
be too
big to dislocate
my need,
yes, my
need to
protect myself from
the meaning,
sensible, that
i could have
found in it:
so
instead
i live in it,
in this hauntingness:
i live in it as
tho i did not
need to arrive and
so then strip that
hauntingness of
feeling, before i
suffocate
beneath
the shroud
of that
greatness:
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