#poor fucked up little cat. get them one of those sweaters they give to dogs with anxiety or something

[snailfen]

i think the stuff i post abt the dragon tamer in servers makes them look more fearless and tough than they really are

#THE REASON THEY ARE LIKE THAT: i fucked up and accidentally gave a scug the darkest backstory ive ever made. idk what happened #poor fucked up little cat. get them one of those sweaters they give to dogs with anxiety or something #they really are just... a cheetah with a therapy dog. except its a dog with a therapy cheetah and there are multiple cheetahs #also i felt inspired to do anthro designs for most of my slugcat ocs... i wanna digitalize them first but ill share em sometime #also with people throwing around human vers of their iterators... i might do that too actually but i need my designs to be set in stone #i want to draw burning curiosity SO BAD but i have NO time 💔 midterms and also big school workload. its a pain #oc: call from the constellations #oc: the dragon tamer #slugcat oc #iterator oc #my art #also started workshopping my designs for the mother but. tbh i might not use straight up noodlefly colors like i planned #cus i dont like how its turning out honestly! then again im not colorpicking LOL #i might steal a design from a certain background slug i drew in the dragon tamers backstory doodles... cus theyre cute i cant not use it #no idea how im gonna factor her needle into her design but oh well! maybe ill make it a stinger or something

[soft-boi-eli]

Mcyts helping a trans masc after top surgery. (Part 1)

Tw:swearing, pain pills, some hints to vomiting, fluff as well.

Wilbur

This simp...

Makes sure you regularly drain your drains, take your medication.

You dont even have to get the fuck up, I mean he's your personal butler until the doctor gave you the okay.

Three times a day you get a smoothie. He can tell that you dont want to eat because of the pain.

The least you can do is drink something to nurioush you while you were in pain.

If you're embarrassed about having to sleep on some dog pee pads for the drain. Dont be.

Wilbur may not understand but he will constantly comfort you. He'll even make a video to tell his viewers he won't be posting for a moment. A personal issues came up and that is all they know for now.

Also when cold he'll try to keep you warm by very, very gentle cuddles. But any sign of pain and he's off of you and getting you warm blankets and heating packs.

His sweaters? Now all yours. You have no say. He will give you one every day knowing you find alot of comfort in wearing his clothes.

The last thing he wants is you in pain. Especially if it was caused by him.

Your testosterone shot? Dont worry he's got it for you.

He doesn't want you to get up unless you needed to go to the restroom or you were itching to get up.

If you dont take it slow he will threaten you.

This is a threat. He will make you sit back down if you tried to get up and clean.

All in all he is a simp and your butler.

Technoblade

Technoblade may not know what to do but he will try.

He's quite nervous but when he realized you havent eaten and needed something in your system for your pain meds hell make you something soft and light on the stomach.

Are you cold? He'll cover you in a blanket and just sit next to you. Floof senses you in pain and cuddles you more then technoblade.

Techno was a bit butt hurt but knew that you needed alot of support right now.

With his height his clothes are either tight or loose. But his hoodies are always huge. And very fucking comfortable.

His scent relaxed you and helped you sleep at night.

He is a hidden simp.

He will make sure you're comfortable. If you want him to he'll sleep with you in the living room.

When you start walking him and Floof are constantly following you. Just to make sure you are safe and comfortable.

You cant help but love your two boys.

His streams and videos are already inconsistent but he did say his next video or stream might take a longer time.

But if you dont mind then you'll sit near him while he streams. If you needed anything he'll get it.

You saying hi to chat. They know you're in pain by your tone.

And anyone he's in a call with will ask what's up. And when you tell them they'll understand and they'll hype you up.

It warms techno's heart when his friends hype you up.

God this closeted simp is melting internally.

Schlatt

He will tease you.

Pictures are taken and spread around the internet like a wild fire.

Caption to those pictures?

This dumbass just got out of surgery and didnt expect to feel like trash lol.

But off camera he's quite the nice guy. Reminding you to drink your water, getting you soft foods or soups, heck he give you some of his pushies from his youtooz.

And this behemoth of a man will give you his shirt or hoodies.

You are with him when he streams or records.

There is no say.

He wants to keep his eyes on you and make sure you are comfortable and safe.

Lowkey dragged you bed into his recording room, you were just vibing in the corner.

You meds are on a set schedule. If the time lands when he's on stream he doesn't think. Just gets up grabs your meds and a premade smoothie.

With that he gave them to you.

Watching you swallow that pill because you can be stubborn with pain meds.

Returns to the stream.

Yells at chat for calling him a simp. He told them you were in pain and it's the least he can do for you.

Will low key rub your back off stream. As sleeping while sitting up us hell on your shoulders.

Jambo is all over you, soaking up the attention he can get while you were immobile.

Schlatt would glare st him for taking away his S/O.

When it came to you wanting to walk he will let you.

If you hurt then this man would laugh and tell you to sit your ass down. You are going anywhere just yet.

He's gonna carry you when you are in as much pain.

He's tall and there is no stopping him.

It makes him feel a bit happier due to the fact you aren't hurting as much, and still getting to the place you needed.

Also he will hug you if he sees you are uncomfortable. The hug is very soft and unlike him.

But at least he is trying.

He also keeps his yelling down, doesn't want you to make too many stiff movements. It would hurt the hell out of you.

Tommy

Ok. Hear me out, butler.

He see the pain you are in and as one of his best friends he wont let you do anything.

Your parents were out of town after your surgery and it wasn't their fault their work called in suddenly.

So you were sent over to Tommy's for the three weeks they were out.

Tommy would let you relax on his bed, heck even sleep on it as well.

Doesn't care if your drains stain the bed. That's an easy clean up and he wants you to be comfortable.

He does still stream. Because it's something he does for a living.

But he'll try to keep it a bit quieter.

You once walked out of the room when he was streaming. You looked like a gremlin, hunched over while you had to take a piss.

When you entered you were greeted by wilbur, techno, and phil telling you they hope you heal fast.

"It only gets better from now on (y/n). Take it easy alright?"-wilbur

"Congrats mate, just relax and dont forget to focus on healing."-Phil

"Yo you got the surgery. Pog. Stay healthy (y/n)."-techno

You melted lightly. A small smile graced your face.

It brought you joy and there was nothing that could compare to it. Honestly.

It seemed almost every day someone tommy knew was hopi g a speedy recovery.

He once yelled at chat for saying you should suck it up.

"CHAT THEY JUST WENT THROUGH SURGRY. LEAVE THEM ALONE!"

You forgot that your parents were even out for those weeks.

Tommy would definitely understand slightly that it would hurt to constrict your chest.

"You cold?"

When you nod tommy is up and handing you one of his hoodies. They are big and comfy. Easy to put on too. So they are perfect.

His two dogs, Walter and Betty?

Expect them in his room curled around you. Dogs know when humans feel pain and when they need something to comfort them.

The stream kind of enjoyed that.

They got wholesome content from you and dog content.

Win win.

Tommy will make sure you have your meds.

If it lands during a stream he blacks out the camera and carefully gets you the things needed for it.

Get you a best friend like tommy.

They wont let you do much when in pain.

Tubbo

He doesn't fully know what to do. He went and spent a few nights over at your house.

Your parents asked his parents for help so they sent over tubbo.

They made a list but the poor boy couldnt read it.

"A sm-oosthie with their pain pill... what the hell is a sm-oosthie?!"

It took him calling tommy to ask him to tell him.

"Tubbo. It says smoothie and who is this fo-."

He hung up before tommy could finish and made the smoothie.

Your cat was quite cuddly.

When he walked in your cat was on your lap.

"Tubbo? When did you get here?" Oh yeah it was a surprise.

"Not too long ago. Your parents left and asked me to help."

He was doing it in all good.

But he scared you so badly.

He bought you a stuffed animal...

It was a huge minecraft bee. And by huge I mean huge.

Like here's the stuffed animal.

Ignore the child. I wished there was a better picture.

But yeah you get the point.

Tubbo may not know how to help you fully but he's trying.

Tommy came to visit with wilbur and phil.

Tommy was meeting up with them and you lived close to wilbur.

When they saw you laid up in bed, tubbo trying to find out how to help with your medication phil kinda went father mode.

You got homemade soup to take your meds.

Tubbo was quite happy to see you smiling and lightly laughing.

When they left you felt better.

Tubbo may not know how to do alot but he tried his best. And you loved every moment.

You got you best friend to help you. And nothing was better then that.

Ranboo

Ranboo spent the night and all you guys could do was joke about the pain.

The jokes were quite self deprecating too.

All night you guys were up.

You couldn't sleep because of the pain and he didnt want to sleep due to the fact he didnt want you to be alone.

So you two were sleep deprived and your parents were concerned. But understood you two didnt want the other to feel bad.

After you healed a bit your parents got called into work. Leading to you spending a few days over there.

Ranboo streamed a recorded with you in the back ground.

He forgot you were there once and he turned on face cam. There you were in the background nose deep into a book while wearing one of his hoodies.

You were freezing and your shirts were a bit too tight.

He just gave you one of his and that was that.

"Whis in the background?"-dono

"In the background?" He turned around to see you just reading your book.

"Oh. That's one of my friends. They had a surgery a week ago."-ranboo

He turned to you, "(y/n) say hi to stream."

Looking up you waved.

"My gay mind went brrr at the idea of no sacks of fat. Now body do the big pain."-(y/n) 2021

It brought a laugh to ranboo and his chat.

You joked through the pain. It was funny.

Dream

What is this I see? He's a simp indeed.

Low key he's answering your beck and call.

He's smothering you in love.

It may not be physical affection but it is still affection.

Your hoodies are replaced with his.

They are huge and comfy.

He saw something online that reminded him of you.

He said it was cute and decided you needed it.

You loved it. It helped you sleep.

Since sapnap lives with him he sends in sapnap sometimes because he's recording or has to get something that wasn't in the house.

Also when you found the zipper you unzipped it and found dream stashed some gift cards and little trinkets in it. Along with a note.

'Knew you would of found this.'-Clay

It shocked you kind of.

But you loved it. It was quite comforting that he gave his affection in these ways still.

Even if it wasn't physically.

Patches is on you 24/7.

She's cuddling you and being very gentle on you.

Low key she won't leave you though, she's following you everywhere, on your lap, sitting there when your on the toilet.

She's clingy. More clingy then before.

But it warmed your heart.

If george visits then he'll see a little gremlin making a b line to the bathroom.

All because the pain made your stomach feel upset.

And you hadn't eaten anything because of pain.

Dream is quick to rush in and see what's wrong.

You were sitting on the ground in the bathroom. Needless to say it didnt end well and you hated it.

"Baby. Do you want me to get you a smoothie and your pain meds?" You were grateful.

After leaving the bathroom you lightly hunched over you noticed the British man in your living room.

You watched his videos.

You waved lightly with a smile.

"Oh sorry (y/n) I didnt tell you george was coming did i?"

Your look told it all.

"Sorry you have to see me like this." You had the urge to apologize.

"No dont be sorry. Surgery is painful."-george

With a small nod you went back to your room and relaxed.

George

He didnt know what to do at all.

He answered your requests.

But he didnt know why you needed that thick ass blanket in the middle of the summer.

But now you have it.

Your stuffed animal that was left in the living room?

It's in your arms by your side.

He's sad it wasn't him in your arms but understood it would cause you pain.

He just lightly lays in your lap.

It brought you comfort and him comfort.

Your germilin ass tended you get up and walk at the weirdest time too.

3am?

Your are going to get a snack.

5am?

You are on your way to the toilet.

7am?

Your once more in the kitchen getting something to eat with your pain pill.

George slept through it and was confused when you weren't in bed like the doctors told you to.

He's quite meticulous with your meds and eating habits.

He doesn't push but makes sure you have something with that pill.

Hell try to help you with your bandages. But sometimes got queasy at the blood and stuff.

It was okay with you though.

You didnt mind that due to the fact that you too got queasy as well.

I think you guys sleep through this alot.

Wilbur and tommy visited.

You was shocked and confused when they had a few get well soon gifts.

Tommy got you a small fidget toy, just something to do with your hands sometimes.

Wilbur got you a few books and a small stuffed toy.

It was a orca.

You loved it but still loved the one that george got you.

He got you a little wooloo one.

It was something that was soft and easy to cuddle.

But the books wilbur gave you were amazing.

It gave you something to do for a long while. And it gave george some more cuddle time.

Other than not knowing what to do george was a great source of comfort.

Sapnap

Sapnap is a bit more experienced with it.

Kind of knowing what to do and all together he just know more then most people.

There is a regular schedule for you meds and so called meals, he changes out the dog pads if he notices them dirty. He knows how to maneuver himself next to you so there was no pain.

He also sucked up that he would be overwhelmingly hot and sat next to you under the blanket.You weren't nearly as cold because of that.

Also since sapnap lives with dream I imagine that dream pops in some times and so does patches.

You all were probably best friends as children. And people always thought that you and dream would get together.

Only because you two were more touchy.

But you saw him as an older brother, and took a liking to sapnap.

Dream was really suportive and saw you as a little sibling.

Dream probably saw you not doing to well and made you something to eat and brought your pain medication.

That was because sapnap was sleeping next to you.

Patches curled up between to two of you and dream brought in something you hadnt seen before.

A roll away bed.

This mother fucker got a whole new bed just so he could sleep in the same room as you and sapnap.

"Sapnap is a heavy sleeper. What if you need something?" He was correct.

You woke up to pain and discomfort.

Dream woke up but sapnap didnt.

You were mainly cold though...

How the hell were you cold with this man radiating radiation the heat of a thousand suns?

No clue. But probably the anesthesia since you were in sapnap room dream just opened the closet and tossed his hoodie to your lap.

You woke up sapnap when you put on the hoodie on accident.

He pushed up against your shoulder a bit more and draped his arm over your lap.

"What's wrong?" Sapnap mumble made you stiffen up. Dream seemed to fall back to sleep too.

"Just a bit cold." He lightly nodded into your neck.

"Mmmmmm. How though."-sapnap

"I dont fuckin know."-(y/n)

He let out a sleep chuckle and seemed to fall asleep again.

You just sat there. Patches and sapnap on you lap technically.

Sapnap woke up and made you breakfast at some point. You were in and out of it due to barely any sleep.

Dream woke up as well. You didnt even know when they left. But patches stayed with you.

Those weeks you were treated the best with these two with extra cuddles from patches.

I didnt know there was a max amount of paragraphs. But hey I guess it's something you find out sooner or later. So there is going to be a part 2. Including some character I missed.

#wilbur x reader #georgenotfound x reader #jschlatt x reader #dream x reader #sapnap x reader #tommyinit x reader #tubbo x reader #ranboo x reader #mcyt fluff #techno x reader #technoblade x reader #mcyt

[gignikinszz]

anakin is on the train and this dipshit infront of him has been humming christmas songs everyday on his morning work commute for the past week and it’s the middle of fucking august so he’s ready to confront this motherfucker for his crimes against humanity and his eardrums then boom obi wan meet cute

anon. im obsessed 💍💍💍💍 ficlet under the cut xx

i took a few liberties with this, but i hope u still like it :)) modern au, annoyances to lovers but only from anakin's pov, 1.3k. mentions of christmas music and horrible hours of the morning beware

It was 5:15. Five-fifteen in the goddamn morning. It was six in the goddamn morning, and it was the middle of August. The seventeenth of August, to be exact.

The third week, to the day, of Anakin’s personal hell.

Some context: Anakin was on the train, just trying to get to his job at a local bakery, still trying to wake up. He’d been late that morning and hadn’t had time for coffee, and was therefore grumpy. Grumpier than usual. So fucking grumpy.

And that same motherfucker from the past three weeks was singing. Again.

Now, Anakin wasn’t a cold-hearted monster, okay? He wasn’t against singing, not at all. Not even at 5:15 in the goddamn morning on a Thursday. Not even on the train. No, what he was against, morally and spiritually and on all levels (including physical), was the fact that the stranger was singing Christmas music. In August.

Today, it was Jingle Bells, though really, the song should’ve been named Jingle Hell. Overly jaunty, reminiscent of fifth-grade showcases, jarring and horrid, even when sung with a voice as nice as Christmas Music Man’s. A disgusting display of Christmas cheer, absolutely murdering Anakin’s poor eardrums, making him wish for the fiftieth time in the past twenty-one days that his stupid dog and stupider cat hadn’t totally destroyed his earbuds fighting over them, and that he wasn’t too busy (lazy) to go get new ones.

God, he was going to lose it. If he heard one more annoying-ass sing, he was going to—

… you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone special…

Last Christmas. The stranger, who always, for some sick and twisted reason, sat directly behind Anakin, was singing Last Christmas.

“Yo, dipshit, can you, like shut the fu—ck.” Anakin choked as he finally got a glimpse of the stranger. “Not up. Um. You can keep singing. Bye.”

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. He was hot. Oh, fuck. Oh, god. He was so fucking hot and Anakin had just called him a dipshit. And spazzed out. And, worse, told him he could keep singing his awful Christmas music. He’d told the most attractive asshole motherfucker he’d ever seen that he could keep singing Last Christmas. At 5:15 in the goddamn morning. In the middle of August.

Oh, fucking shit.

Anakin spent the rest of that (thankfully not-very-long, after his outburst) train ride in silence, rethinking his life, wondering how someone so hot could be committing such heinous crimes against humanity. It didn’t make sense, at first. The man had looked nice. Or just hot. Anakin didn’t know. He’d been wearing a sweater vest with nothing underneath, showing off his very muscular arms, and he’d had very soft-looking hair. How could someone who dressed like a slutty 80-year-old have such poor taste in music? Have such little respect for Anakin, and Anakin’s eardrums, and the world at large?

It didn’t make sense, but when Anakin talked to Ahsoka, who was opening with him that day, she told him it did.

“You know,” she said, “if he’s really that hot, there’s gotta be something wrong with him. So the universe is fair and shit.”

And Anakin had to agree. There truly was something wrong with the man. Deeply, deeply wrong. Disturbed, even. Not that it made it fair that Anakin still had to suffer every morning. Or that his eardrums felt like they might die.

The next morning, he resolved to put a stop to it, good looks aside. For the sake of both his sanity, and for the world. Well, the world of the train at 5:15 in the morning. It was important to him, okay?

So he steeled himself the next morning. Got up early so he could get coffee and fix his hair, because presentation was important in these sorts of confrontations. Not for any other reason. Anakin also wore his nice work shirt, the one without too many stains, for the impending argument, of course. He would’ve looked his best while telling any asshole to stop fucking singing Christmas songs on the train at ass-o’clock every morning, whether or not they were hot.

Okay, maybe it had something to do with the fact that the guy was hot. Whatever. Sue Anakin for wanting to make a better second impression.

When he got to the train, he felt all wound-up, just waiting for the inevitable. For Holly Jolly Christmas or All I Want for Christmas is You or Chestnuts Roasting on the Open Fire of Anakin’s Burning Hatred for Christmas Songs. Or whatever that last one was called. His knee was bouncing, fingers tapping, heart pounding in anticipation. For the inevitable confrontation, of course.

It began five minutes after Anakin sat down. 5:18 in the morning.

Fucking Spooky Scary Skeletons.

An insult to Anakin’s pride, to his honor, to his family, to the month of August, to Halloween, and to the world at large, that’s what the man behind him was singing. An insult of the highest order, and Anakin had only had one cup of coffee.

So he did something wild, something insane, something totally out of character for him.

He waited.

He waited until the train made its next stop, the one before his, and he moved quickly to sit across the aisle from the man.

“Hey,” he said before he could chicken out. “What the fuck is your problem?”

Hot Asshole turned to look at him slowly. “What do you mean?” He asked, all posh and British and refined, and wow, Anakin was beginning to understand the appeal of those love-hate, enemies-to-lovers, 100k slow burn type relationships. That was hot. Despite, or perhaps even more so because of, the man’s infuriating little eyebrow thing, it was really hot.

“Your stupid music,” Anakin heard himself saying, refusing to back down despite the sight in front of him. “Sir, are you aware that it’s August?”

The man smiled. Pretty, Anakin’s mind supplied. Shut up, he snapped back.

“What does that have to do with anything?” he asked, folding his hands over one knee, crossing it over the other.

Anakin blinked, slowly, trying to let his brain catch up. “Well, you’re. It’s. That’s a Halloween song,” he said, feeling dumber by the second.

“And?” The man was still smiling, all innocent, and Anakin was suddenly unsure if it was nerves or annoyance making his face flush.

“And, um—well—whoever you are, you’re singing Halloween music. It’s August.”

“I’m Obi-Wan,” the man said unhelpfully. “And I don’t see what the issue is. Spooky Scary Skeletons is about bones. The human body. Personally, I think bodies are relevant year-round, don’t you?”

No, it was definitely annoyance.

“That’s about spooky, scary skeletons. It’s a fucking Halloween song. And even if it was applicable, it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve been singing fucking Christmas music every day for the past three weeks.” Anakin gave the man his best glare, but it didn’t seem to phase him. On the contrary, he just smiled a little brighter.

“It’s just what’s been stuck in my head,” he said, sounding innocent. “I don’t know what you want me to do about it.”

“I—just—I—I want you to go out with me!” Okay, so Anakin didn’t mean to say that. In the slightest. And Obi-Wan was looking at him weirdly, and also, that wasn’t even a good solution to what Obi-Wan was asking, so Anakin opened his mouth to backtrack, but before he could—

“Okay.” Obi-Wan shrugged, smiling slightly. Anakin’s heart did a funny little somersault. “Is this your stop?”

And shit—it was, and Anakin hadn’t even gotten past the initial asking. No time to ask for horrible, hot, annoyingly heart-pounding Christmas Asshole’s number.

But that was fine. After all, Anakin was probably going to have to tell him to sing an appropriate song the next day, as well.

#i am AMAZED by how fast i wrote this lmfao this prompt hit me like a train (pun intended ;)) #fuck the word soumersalt all my homies hate the word soumerastualt #star wars #star wars fanfic #obikin #obikin fanfic #obikin fanfiction #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi x anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x obi wan kenobi

[bookersebastien]

some holiday hcs for nile’s first christmas with the guard

it’s nile’s first christmas since becoming immortal and she’s watching the season approach as they travel around the world, watching those who celebrate put up lights and trees and she enjoys the stops they make in a snowy place

she’s missing her family even more, having been a daughter of a man in the military the holidays were probably hard to deal with while he was deployed and then after he died her mom and brother, they all clung to each other. and now she has none of them

they all notice the change in her demeanor and the way she admires the decorations and the families strolling the streets and shopping together and they form a plan

joe and booker are sent to pick a tree, joe uses booker as a height comparison to make sure they get one with a good height and then there is the inevitable struggle of them tying it to the roof of the car because they can’t stop arguing about how to do it and joe suggest multiple times that booker can just hang onto the roof and hold the tree down

booker does not like this idea, but in joe’s defense he’s nearly as big as the tree so he could probably do it - ends with joe driving very slow while booker sighs loudly in the passenger seat

quynh drags nicky to get decorations, she’s spent 500 years in the ocean, doesn’t matter whether she celebrates christmas, she’d absolutely love all the decorations and lights and tells andy, “we need that giant light up snowman andromache please”

also competitive quynh making sure their decorations are better than anyone else’s in the area

no one knows who the fuck lives in that apartment but they know they DO NOT fuck around with christmas decorations

nicky gets lost in the store, admiring all the lights and decorations and he ends up getting a matching pair of the ugliest fucking christmas sweaters you’ve ever seen in your life and one of those stupid hats with the elf ears on it

he doesn’t care much of the holiday for celebrating jesus or whatever, but enjoys the festivities and the chance to wear ridiculous clothing with joe

joe and booker return with the tree, booker grumbling something about a squirrel attack while they put the tree in their small living room

andy is out with nile, keeping her out of the apartment and walking around the city. i like to think they took her somewhere in europe to see the christmas markets and enjoy the snow and get the full idealized christmas experience, she’s from chicago and snow to her is probably an integral part of the season

they buy small little trinkets and sweets, nile just thinks andy is indulging her, i mean when is the last time andy celebrated any holiday so fully

quynh and nicky arrive with way too many decorations that it makes their apartment look even smaller but they don’t care

booker has made eggnog that’s just more booze at this point but no one cares, him and nicky have started a competition to see who can string lights up along the ceiling the fastest (nicky is winning because joe is sneakily undoing bookers)

quynh has the best time putting all kinds of random decorations on the tree, the general baubles but also she got one for everyone. booker gets a little flask ornament, and somehow she managed to find sword ornaments for joe and nicky and an axe for andy, though it doesn’t look the same, and she gets one for nile of deep dish pizza and the sears tower

nile and andy finally come back and nile is in complete shock, standing in the doorway staring at what might be the most insane collection of decorations she’s ever seen. there’s a snowman, the grinch (andy’s favorite holiday movie), so many stars and mini christmas trees, lights are strung up all around the ceiling and the tree is massive, covered in a random assortment of decorations and with quynh’s eye it looks like a winter wonderland

and then she spots the ornaments for her and then she starts crying and everyone moves in for a hug - she still has family to celebrate with they tell her

and then there are presents to open

joe gives nicky a collection of poems and sketches, which booker helped him bind into a little book and nicky gets joe a wonderful and carefully crafted tea blend reminiscent of an old favorite of his he hasn’t had in a 100 years and then brings out the sweaters which joe has a good laugh over before making andy take a picture of them

nicky made sure to get the rest of them sweaters too - him and joes are stupid puns like “oh snap” with a broken gingerbread or “feline festive” with a cat, booker’s has a dog, andy’s has something obscene written on it, quynh’s is patterned while nile gets one that says “i sleigh all day” after he learned what slay meant

nicky gives booker the ugliest fake money you’ve ever seen, a child could’ve done better and nicky tells him that’s his winnings from the last bet - he drew a poor imitation of himself on the bills (booker absolutely loves it)

quynh gets andy a new necklace to layer with the other, a small bow and arrow pendant hanging from it while andy gets her a locket so she can keep a photo of them inside 

quynh gets roller skates from booker and she’s so excited she puts them on immediately and nearly wipes out had andy not caught her, but she’s still smiling and absolutely giddy

booker gives andy an old bottle of whiskey he found in another safehouse, they’ve both already drunk two bottles of vodka and he’s put three bottles of bourbon in the eggnog already but that doesn’t stop them from immediately opening it

joe gives booker a jacket he stole from him and gets the most deadpanned look from him before booker pulls out joe’s gift and he did the same thing with some of joe’s art supplies

and then everyone turns to nile, andy’s got a gleam in her eyes as she hands over the long, delicately wrapped package and nile’s eyes widen as she peels the wrapping paper off

it’s her very own sword, andy got it made for her. it’s long and slimmer than something like nicky’s sword, and light enough she can use it one-handed if needed, it’s got her initials carved into the hilt and it fits comfortably at her side

the rest of the night is spent watching classic christmas films and more booze, games are brought out and they sing carols while tipsy, booker and nicky are once again competing and this time it’s to see who can fit the most candy canes in their mouth (no one wins this one when they both spit them out over everyone after laughing at each other), andy and quynh are dancing in the kitchen, joe and booker are enjoying the cookies and joe is taking pictures of everyone while watching nicky begin to give nile pointers about her sword

it’s their first christmas like this ever and i think they’d keep the traditions around for a while

#the old guard #tog hcs #usrbkr hm #andromache the scythian #yusuf al kaysani #nicolo di genova #sebastien le livre #nile freeman #quynh #userkayla #tuservi #tuseradriana #usernicolo #usermarwan #marinelena #usercacau #userjose #userhegel #userlyde #userpat #moonlightandromache #swquser #the found family of it all

[quercussp]

The Royal Mr. Whiskers

Rating: T

Word count: 2.3k

Summary:

Mr. Whiskers just could not understand why they had to move to a new apartment. This apartment was perfect! It had the couch Mr. Whiskers liked, the little nook above the fridge from where Mr. Whiskers could keep watch, a nice warm bed for him. All the smells were accounted for, all the walls sufficiently improved by Mr. Whisker’s claws. But no, apparently with Phil moving in, his humans didn’t have enough space anymore.

Authors note:

Happy Birthday Zan! This fic is about moving in, roommates and cats, so I hope you like it <3 Have the most lovely day today!

Special thanks to @alittledizzy and @bisexualshoemarriage for the beta work <3

Warnings: light swearing

[read on ao3]

Humans truly are ridiculous. Also very needy. Mr. Whiskers just could not understand why they had to move to a new apartment. This apartment was perfect! It had the couch Mr. Whiskers liked, the little nook above the fridge from where Mr. Whiskers could keep watch, a nice warm bed for him. All the smells were accounted for, all the walls sufficiently improved by Mr. Whisker’s claws. But no, apparently with Phil moving in, his humans didn’t have enough space anymore.

“Listen, it’ll be great! We’ll take the couch with us, you’ll have more space to roam. I promise you, you’re gonna love it!” Phil was explaining to Mr. Whiskers once again, while sorting laundry. Dan was out at work, and Phil was using that time to once again try to persuade Mr. Whiskers that moving would be a good idea. “See? Nothing fits! We just don’t have the space, I keep having to keep my socks in a pile on the floor! ... No, that is not acceptable. … Because clothing needs to be put away or it’ll get dirty again! Look at this, there’s more cat hair in here than there is fabric!” Phil waived a pair of socks in front of Mr. Whiskers face.

Mr. Whiskers has had this argument with Phil at least 20 times by now. When the topic first came up, both of his humans were incredibly excited. They would spend hours looking at their little lit up book, discussing potential new apartments, choosing what furniture would come with them and what they would buy. And they had the audacity to not even ask Mr. Whisker’s permission before making that decision.

Of course, Mr. Whiskers could not let that lie. Phil’s favorite mug had to go (it was thrown off the counter in the middle of the night, just for additional impact), along with Dan’s new shoes (if his human didn’t want him to pee in his shoes, he should have put them away into the closet. Or he could have stopped this silly moving nonsense). But even those desperate measures didn’t seem to help.

Dan, of course, being the thick headed individual that he was, could not put two and two together and insisted that Mr. Whiskers was having a “mid life crisis” and that they should just ignore his antics (and put away all their shoes at night).

Phil, on the other hand, definitely knew what prompted the destruction of his mug (along with the ruined sweater and of course the ‘cactus incident’. Poor Billy did not deserve to die that young, but he ended up collateral damage). So he started a campaign to persuade Mr. Whiskers that it would be a good idea. Well, maybe persuade isn’t the right word, more like bribe him.

The first thing Phil had to do was persuade Dan that they absolutely could not live in a flat on the ground floor. It was a two week argument in which Phil was forced to be very creative, explaining that he needs the exercise of going up the stairs and that he’s scared of a piano falling through the ceiling on top of him (it’s not like he could tell Dan that Mr. Whiskers insisted that he needs a good view of the pigeons outside and that he refuses to stare at people’s feet all day. He was Mr. Whiskers, not some lowlife dog.) Eventually, after multiple arguments, a lot of whining and several “persuading sessions” that Phil carried out in their bedroom, throwing Mr. Whiskers out of the room with whisper “Do you want the view or not?”, Dan gave in.

Next was the room issue. Phil was absolutely adamant that he and Dan need a separate room from Mr. Whiskers, and it was not easy to satisfy either Dan or Mr. Whiskers. Dan kept throwing his hands up in disbelief and shrieking “Why do we need TWO extra rooms?! I get one is a guest room, but what the hell are we going to do with the second bedroom?! Phil, no we do not need a separate room for the cat!.. Ouch! Fuck off, you animal, that hurt!” Sometimes humans just needed to be reminded that stupidity has consequences.

Mr. Whiskers on the other hand demanded that he would get the Master Suite. He might not exactly know what that meant, but if anyone would have the room that’s called the “Master” room, surely it should be Mr. Whiskers.

So that is why Phil was currently on his knees in the bedroom, folding Dan’s underwear and trying to reason with Mr. Whiskers, who was in the middle of his bathing session.

“It’s just called that because it has an en suite bathroom. You don’t even use the bathroom, why would you want that room?”

Mr. Whiskers gave Phil an unimpressed glance and continued licking his tail.

“It’s already hard enough to get Dan to agree to that place with the extra bedroom. If we tell him that he doesn’t even get the big room, there’s no way he’s gonna go for it and we’ll have to start the search all over again!”

Mr. Whiskers went on to carefully licking his toes.

“I know you don’t care if we stay here for another couple months, but we’re going crazy here! And do you remember that there was an actual gas leak last week, right? Please, be reasonable!”

“Hey Phil! Are you having a debate with the cat again?” They both turned their heads to see Dan glancing into the room, cheeks red from walking home. Dan came up to Phil and gave him a peck on the lips and ruffled his hair. “You’re a weird one, Lester.”

He tried to give Mr. Whiskers a scratch behind the ears, but Mr. Whiskers had no time for that nonsense and jumped up on the dresser with a huff.

“Fine, be that way, see if I care,” Dan hissed at him and went to the kitchen to start dinner.

Phil shot Mr. Whiskers a pleading look.

“Mr. Whiskers, please, you have to be the bigger person here. Or the bigger cat I guess,” he murmured quietly before following Dan into the kitchen. Mr. Whiskers could hear wet smooching noises and laughter and assumed that the humans were doing their licking thing again. Gross.

***

In the end, a compromise had been reached. After some lengthy debates, Dan agreed that having a separate room could be useful in the future (“In case we want to expand the family some day” Dan said and both of the humans suddenly got very red and giggly, much to Mr. Whisker’s confusion), and Mr. Whiskers finally agreed to take the smaller room for himself, as long as Phil promised that he would get a proper sized bed to sleep on. And not one of those kitty beds, a proper bed. One that he would approve of himself.

And that’s how they end up sitting at the kitchen table, all three of them, shopping for beds on Dan’s computer thing (it didn’t really make sense no matter how many times Phil tried to explain it to Mr. Whiskers, but the humans didn’t need to know that, or they might think that they’re smarter than him). Dan was showing them different pictures, and Mr. Whiskers was gracefully situated in Phil’s lap, who was gently scratching his stomach in an attempt to make the whole process more pleasurable for everybody (himself mostly, of course, as there is no greater pleasure than petting Mr. Whiskers, and Mr. Whiskers was kind enough to allow it.)

“How about this one?” Dan showed a picture of a small wooden bed with drawers at the base. “We can use it as a daybed and store things in there? Maybe fit a table in the room as well, have a little home office?”

“That could work, what do you think Mr. Whiskers?” Phil replied.

“Yes, of course, what does Mr. Whiskers think,” said Dan in a slightly teasing voice.

Mr. Whiskers let his claws out a bit and kneaded at Phil’s lap.

“Ouch ouch ouch, ok, ok! No, Mr. Whiskers doesn’t like it. He wants something bigger.”

“My god, this cat is such a diva!” Dan rolled his eyes but continued looking. He showed them a couple other options but Mr. Whiskers remained unimpressed (“You don’t have to claw me every time, man!” Phil would tell him, “I get it, you don’t like it!”).

Dan continued scrolling until a picture caught Mr. Whiskers’s attention. He stood up from Phil’s lap and let out a loud meow.

“I think Mr. Whiskers likes this one!” Phil exclaimed, pointing to a picture of a gigantic white fluffy bed, with a gold headboard.

“You’re kidding, right? You have to be kidding, Phil! Do you see how much it costs? It’s a king size! It won’t even fit in the room!” Dan was starting to get a little hysterical in Mr. Whiskers opinion. And the “king” part sounded pretty good, whatever it meant.

“No, Phil, no this is absolutely not happening!”

***

But of course it did happen. Many weeks and boxes later (who knew that all Phil had to tell Mr. Whiskers to convince him to move was that there would be endless boxes. Of all sizes. All for Mr. Whiskers to enjoy, despite his humans trying to use them for other purposes), they were getting settled in their new place, and Mr. Whiskers had to admit it was pretty nice. There were large windows with a nice wide windowsill for Mr. Whiskers to lounge on while looking outside. The pigeons on the balcony were an endless source of entertainment. They got a lovely new dining table and chairs, one of which Mr. Whiskers of course promptly claimed for himself. Even the couch that they brought with them seemed to be more comfortable, now that it wasn’t totally overflowing with random things.

As for the bed, Mr. Whiskers immediately knew that it was going to be quite acceptable, as soon as Dan and Phil tugged it into the apartment, red and panting from the effort.

“Phil, I hate you for making us get a place on the 4th floor. We are never moving again, you hear me?” Dan whined, plopping himself on the sofa dramatically.

“Yes, dear,” answered Phil breathlessly and went into the kitchen to get some water.

Mr. Whiskers jumped down from his lounging space on top of one of the bookshelves and went to investigate. The bed they brought in was packed in just an absolutely magnificent specimen of a box. It was giant, just the size Mr. Whiskers deserved. He sniffed the box while walking around it. The smell wasn’t great, but that was fixable. He clawed a bit at the cardboard.

“Impatient, are you, you fucker?” Dan asked, still panting.

Mr. Whiskers shot him a dirty look. His human really needed to learn to hold his tongue sometimes.

***

Under Mr. Whiskers’s careful instruction, the bed was assembled in his room and the box from it was left in the corner for him to enjoy later (that did require some scratching to achieve, as Dan was adamant on throwing it out. Once again, the stupidity of humans continued to baffle Mr. Whiskers). Phil put down nice purple sheets and some pillows on it, and Dan moved all the cat toys and Mr. Whiskers’ scratch tower into the room with him.

“I cannot believe we have a seperate room for our cat. We must be crazy,” he said, wiping off his forehead and pulling Phil to his side gently.

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist and leaned his head on his shoulder. “I can’t believe we’re finally done moving. I can’t wait to live here with you.”

They were looking at each other with that disgusting look in their eyes, and Mr. Whiskers felt the need to remind them of who the real mastermind behind this whole moving thing was by jumping onto the new bed and meowing.

“And with you of course, Mr. Whiskers!” Phil corrected himself.

***

That night Dan and Phil closed themselves in their room pretty early and left Mr. Whiskers to wander the apartment on his own. By now Mr. Whiskers knew that they would keep the door closed for a bit, but then probably Phil would go to get himself some water and Mr. Whiskers could sneak in at that moment. More often than not, Dan was already too tired to kick him out again, and Mr. Whiskers could get some sleep in peace.

His plan worked perfectly of course, and just a couple of hours later Mr. Whiskers quietly tiptoed into the room, just as Phil was closing the door. He waited until they both settled back into bed, softly jumped up and made his way across the covers to the nice warm spot between the two humans.

“You stupid cat, you have to be kidding me!” Dan grumbled half asleep. “Get out! Get out! You have a separate room! With a separate bed! It’s bigger than ours! Go away!”

Mr. Whiskers ignored his rambling and curled up comfortably.

“Phil, tell him to go away,” Dan mumbled, but Mr. Whiskers could hear that he had given up. “Tell him he has his own bed.”

Phil just sighed and pulled Dan closer to him. Just a couple minutes later the two humans were peacefully asleep. Mr. Whiskers curled up a bit tighter and closed his eyes. He swished his tail, gently bumping it into the two bodies around him. He would let Dan sleep a little bit before moving to his preferred sleeping location - Dan’s pillow. It’s not like Dan needed it. No matter how much he liked to pretend to be annoyed at Mr. Whiskers for pushing him off of the pillow, he seemed to prefer Phil’s chest anyway. And Mr. Whiskers was not cruel enough to deny Dan the opportunity to do that. He was generous like that.

#phan #phanfiction #my fic #happy birthday zan #i love you very much <3 #this is sequel to my previous fic #but can be read as stand alone

[timeisacephalopod]

Oh can you do like an expansion of the Celestiall Peter werewolf Bucky and dragon Tony. Like its Halloween and they're talking about what bullshit it is for people to dress up when any other time they'd be scared of what they go dressed as. I love those 3 together. Oh and a Rhodey cameo!!

I think this means as an extension of a story I wrote for my AO3 awhile ago in which the boys all went to uni and lived in the same house called Bad Habits (were you the person who posted a comment on one of my stories the other day? Anyways). You won’t need the original story for context for this! Just know Tony/ Peter Q/ and Bucky are a thing. This is a long boi, prepare!

*

“Can I use you as a costume?” Peter asks and Bucky glares so hard at him Tony thinks its a wonder he didn’t fall over dead. And Peter wasn’t even talking to Bucky.

“I’m a dragon, not a costume,” he says.

“You know with all those ads about humans not dressing up as caricatures of other cultures someone is really missing the opportunity to also throw out that dressing up as another species is not cool. I don’t look like a single fucking werewolf costume idiot humans sell,” Bucky snaps. Tony and Peter stare at him for a moment, not exactly surprised by the outburst by now.

Turns out he’s sensitive to Halloween as a holiday. “Yeah, so anyways can I use you as a costume?” Peter asks.

“I have had a total of three relationships with humans and all three ran off when I told them I was a werewolf and one of them tried to kill me before running. Then humans have the fucking gall to go out dressed as werewolves? I should eat them out of spite,” Bucky mumbles, glaring at the wall across from him.

“What the hell are you dressing up as to need a dragon?” Tony asks.

“Daenerys from Game of Thrones,” Peter says and Tony rolls his eyes.

“So you want me to be your dragon slave for a night?” he snaps.

Peter sighs, “the dragons like her, Tony. Its not offensive.”

He throws his hands up, “it is so and people think its fine to desecrate an entire species because I’m one of five left in the world and the only one who’s pointing out how ignorant that show is! Dragons don’t have mothers! Wait, yeah they do, but there is no mother of dragons!”

Bucky nods, “see what I mean? You owe him an apology,” Bucky tells Peter, who rolls his eyes theatrically.

“Dude, its a costume. Relax about it.”

Tony and Bucky exchange a look and turn back to Peter. “If you don’t get the hell out of my sight I’m going to light your ass on fire,” Tony tells him.

Peter, true to his being an utter dickhead, turns himself invisible because apparently celestials can do that. “Can I use you as a costume?” he asks, prompting a rather loud growl from Bucky.

*

Luis gives Peter an offended look that has Scott’s eyes going wide as he turns away a little, putting his hand in front of his face in a poor attempt at hiding himself. “That is the rudest shit I ever heard- Scott are you hearing this? You can’t just go up and ask dragons to be costumes, he’s a person, not a prop. All those ads we see about not dressing up as stereotypes of other culture but no one points out dressing up as another species is not cool,” Luis says. He takes a breath and, thankfully, Bucky cuts in before his rant can continue.

“Right? Humans hate werewolves except when they can dress up as them and claim its not offensive because they’re appreciating us or whatever. If you appreciated werewolves than you’d lobby for werewolf rights, not wear an ugly ass fake fur mask!” He shakes his head, clearly pissed off about this.

“Guys, I just want a cool costume,” Peter says, hands in the air a little.

Luis crosses his arms over his chest, “then go make one, you don’t need a dragon to make a cool costume. I’m going as a Dorito- totally inoffensive and also a delicious treat.”

“I’m offended by Doritos,” Peter says because he’s a prick. “They’re gross and taste like cardboard, and also they’re in the shape of triangles, which means they’re the product of the Devil and also the Illuminati.”

Luis turns to Scott like he’s about to give backup, which he doesn’t. “Okay you know what, get out of here with that false equivalence- you finding dumb reasons to be offended is not the same as turning a whole species into a joke for your own amusement while also ignoring the harm that comes to those creatures all for the sake of a dumb joke. Also what the hell kind of Doritos are you eating that taste like cardboard? It is not a Dorito’s fault that you don’t know how to read expiration dates or that you leave them out too long. Things get stale Quill, like your stale ass attitude and I will not tolerate this Dorito slander-”

“Ooookay,” Scott says, “someone needs to take a nap, or do some homework, or binge eat too many Skittles and throw up again. We’ll be out of your hair now,” he says, dragging Luis away.

“What? I am not doing the Skittle thing again- I learned my lesson. Scott, they need my help, humans have to do their part to-” his words are cut off by the basement door slamming shut. Tony snickers, pleased that they decided that in a house full of supernatural creatures maybe a couple humans weren’t a bad plan. Bucky had been worried Scott might try and kill him, Tony has no idea why he focused on Scott though to be fair Luis is about as non-threatening as they come, and Natasha isn’t fond of humans either but they didn’t want to be discriminatory.

Now it turns out that had been a pretty amusing choice thanks to all of Luis’ rants about everything from Romeo and Juliet to Elvish and why it was a difficult language to learn. And, apparently, why dressing up as a supernatural creature was an asshole thing to do

*

Peter looks down at Bucky, walking faithfully by his side while Tony perches on his shoulder. “You two are going to learn that humans aren’t terrible and I’m going to win this bet,” he tells them. Honestly, they both made a such a huge deal out of a fun holiday and also Peter now has the best costume ever even if Daenerys doesn’t have a dire wolf. Bucky still makes a cool piece of show authenticity even if he’s not at all happy of being part of a costume.

Bucky, as if hearing his thoughts, glares up at him. “Don’t look at me like that, humans will love you,” he says, patting Bucky’s head. Bucky growls a little and trots a little ahead of him and Peter leaves him to sulk in peace.

On his shoulder Tony reaches out and smacks him with one of scaly paws and Peter wrinkles his nose. “Don’t be like that,” he tells Tony, who promptly smacks him again. It doesn’t even hurt, like when a cat smacks you, so Peter doesn’t even know what the point of this is.

When they get inside he at least gets the recognition he deserves because hello, he has an actual dragon with his costume. And Bucky is cool also he guesses. “Where did you find a lizard that looks like that?” someone asks, smiling at Tony. He looks unimpressed by this and frankly Peter has to wonder who the hell thinks the average lizard his brown eyes and red and gold scales.

“He’s a dragon,” Peter says.

The girl in front of him snorts, “yeah, I got your costume, but what kind of lizard is he?”

Peter resists the urge to roll his eyes. “No, he’s an actual dragon. Like the species. Kinda small, but being pocket sized makes him easier to cart around all night so,” he says, shrugging. Tony slaps him again, clearly annoyed with the comment on his size but Peter can’t help that Tony fits in the hoods of his sweaters and when he’s not being a dick he thinks being carried around in there is fun.

“Aww, you’re so cute!” she says, reaching out to touch him and Tony, predictably, smacks her hand away. Bucky makes his presence known by shoving himself between Peter and his current companion in what he thinks is a bad attempt to defend Tony but whatever. Peter takes a step back though.

“You don’t pet dragons, oils on human’s skin doesn’t react well to their scales,” he says. At least, he thinks, Tony didn’t decide to start screaming like he usually did when people tried to pet him. And what is with that? He’s a damn lizard, not a cat, you don’t pet lizards. Well okay, some lizards are fine with it but still. 

“Well you got him up there somehow,” she says.

This time he does roll his eyes, “I’m not human.” Being a celestial means he can avoid damaging oils and also that he can work as a heat lamp for Tony. He had tested that on a whim and it worked so that was pretty cool, not that it comes in handy now. 

“Then what are you?” she asks, squinting like she can tell just looking at him. Bucky growls, hackles raised and honestly the question is annoying but not worth the growl. Peter flicks his ear and Bucky whirls on him unimpressed.

“A celestial,” he says.

“The hell is a celestial?” she asks.

He lets out a long sigh, “basically a god. Don’t look at me like that, we can build whole planets if we want to.” His asshole dad had one that was really cool before Peter found out about all his dead siblings. Bucky lets out another annoyed growl and Peter flicks his ear again. Damn werewolves, always so touchy.

“I think your dog is pissed off,” she says and Peter grabs Bucky’s snout before he does something he’ll regret in the morning.

“Not a dog, that’s a werewolf,” he says quickly. Bucky growls and Peter doesn’t let go of his mouth.

Thankfully his companion jumps back a little. “Why the hell would you bring a werewolf in public?” she asks, giving Bucky a panicked look.

Peter rolls his eyes so hard its a wonder they didn’t roll right out the door. “Because he’s a North American werewolf and they’re fucking harmless unless people say dumb offensive shit,” he says. The European brand of werewolf? Nightmare fuel, but they also know how to handle themselves. North American werewolves? Usually non-confrontational and lazy. Also very soft even if they shed a stupid amount of hair everywhere even when human. Peter has made peace with the hair and Tony’s occasional shed scale.

“Dumb offensive shit like what?” she asks. “Everyone knows werewolves eat people.”

Peter yanks Bucky back by the snout, which is probably a little mean but its either that or he eats someone out of spite and he’s going to regret that if he does it. “North American werewolves don’t eat people and even European werewolves will try for a damn deer or some shit first. That’s the dumb offensive shit I mean, along with calling him a dog. What the hell do you think werewolves look like, the shit you see on Teen Wolf?” Because they kind of look like Klingons and Peter kind of feels bad for laughing now but Bucky’s offended face had been so funny.

“Its my fault I didn’t know that,” she says and Peter squints.

“Its in literally every pro werewolf anything ever, if you didn’t know that you didn’t god damn Google it. If you’re going to spout offensive shit at least make it true. Like werewolves leave hair everywhere and yeah, they lick their ass sometimes.” Bucky yanks his muzzle free and gives him a look. “Don’t pull that shit, I’ve seen it happen.”

Bucky looks away, ears pulling back a little in shame. He might not be a dog by any stretch of the imagination but Peter is happy they at least share enough in common that their body language is basically the same, if more advanced in showing emotion in favor of werewolves.

*

Bucky curls up on Peter’s bed with Tony in his fur shivering as he tries to get warm but fur isn’t going to help him so Peter pulls him out, tucking him into his chest as his hands light up. Benefits of having godlike powers- hands that double as heat lamps. Tony stops shivering so hard and Peter sighs. “Okay, you two win. Humans are the worst and I honestly can’t believe I had to tell seven separate people that you can’t just pet dragons.” They didn’t even ask.

Bucky lets out an annoyed noise, lifting his head to glare at Peter. “Sorry so many people called you a dog and said you eat people,” he mumbles. “Mind going to get Tony some fruit? He’s been in the cold awhile.” Bucky slinks off the bed and Peter climbs into it, upping the heat going to his hands to warm Tony up faster.

When Bucky returns he’s carrying an assortment of fruits, “I told you this was a bad idea,” he says and Peter nods.

“Yup. And I didn’t listen like an idiot. I maintain that I had a cool costume until humans off and ruined it by trying to pet Tony though. What is he, a cat?” Bucky snickers as he climbs into bed, shimmying close to Peter. It betrays more than his words- werewolves are tactile creatures and when they’re mad they refuse to touch each other. Its kind of funny to watch them all get mad and avoid contact like they’re all repelled by each other.

Still, if Bucky isn’t avoiding contact he’s not that mad at Peter. “Here,” Bucky says to Tony, extending a grape towards his mouth. Tony takes the grape gleefully, destroying it in seconds. Bucky hands him a strawberry next. “I didn’t know you knew that much about werewolves,” he says as Tony destroys another berry. Jesus he eats those things fast.

“Yeah, I Googled them. Not that hard,” he says. Phrase of the fucking night- he swears he explained the most basic of shit to people like twelve times over.

“The difference between North American werewolves and European werewolves isn’t information that’s easy to find. Most don’t even make a distinction anymore,” Bucky murmurs. He hands Tony some pineapple and Tony pulls his head back. Bucky rolls his eyes and eats it himself, handing Tony a piece of watermelon that he happily takes instead.

“Yeah, because European werewolves were hunted to near extinction during witch trials in Europe. Seems kind of stupid considering it was never werewolves starting genocides and lighting people on fire. Except that one time in South Africa but that didn’t go well,” he says. Bucky frowns and he sighs, “I got stuck in a Googling suck hole. Did the same with dragons. Its how I figured out the hands thing,” he says, jostling Tony a little and earning a sharp yell for it. “Don’t be rude,” he tells Tony.

Bucky moves in closer, wrapping an arm around Peter. “That’s so sweet. Don’t ever convince me to be a Halloween costume again.”

Peter snickers, “next year I’ll let you eat people and Tony can light them on fire then we cal all fuck off to a planet I’ve made,” he says.

Bucky frowns, “can you even do that?”

Peter shrugs, “I’ve got a year to figure it out.”

Bucky looks at Tony, who happily takes another grape from his fingers. “Pretty sure he’ll be fine as long as there’s fruit.”

“Well, considering ninety percent of his diet is fruit yeah, I’d say so. I should try and make new fruit, that would be cool,” he says, grinning. Tony looks up at him, eyes wide with excitement and he laughs. “Guess I have a new botany project.”

“Well, so long as you stop pissing off the neighbors with plants that flip them off,” he says. Rude, Peter thinks those are fun and their neighbors are a bunch of uptight assholes.

#peter x bucky x tony #winterironquill #fanfiction

[undinefin]

アキレ〜さん〜お誕生日おめでとう〜

@red-dyed-sarumane SENPAI!!!!!!!!!!!! happy borth ur and old boy now and i did a cursed thing instead of writing something nice bc this was something that was brought up once and now its a must.

i hope u have a great day. buy the mic bitch. 

Adopting Risru

im so sorry for everything here it gets really uncomfortable at certain points but never crosses anything i promise i just had to work with a lot of tropes that most often deal with love so. yknow. i promise i love you senpai and im supporting you 100% !!!!!! this wasnt an excuse to write sickly things!!!!!! i look forward to more utaite conversations~. 

im not gonna read it over

Genre: cursed Word Count: 3877

The girl was sitting in her room, playing with her necklace solemnly. She sighed and began humming the melody to one of her favourite songs.

“Miwaku 1, 2, 3, kimi o tanjun ni, ubai satteshimau joudou, risei to no kyouhou,” she sang absentmindedly. Akire didn’t think of her voice as super amazing, but she’d been working hard on her range.

“Akire! Come downstairs I have a present for you!”

For a moment, Akire was confused. But then she remembered– it was her birthday!

As she made her way downstairs, Akire wondered what the present could possibly be. Maybe her mother would give her more money to buy albums but...thinking of the twenty something in her room it seemed unlikely. She could always hope though.

Akire heard a small noise. She looked down for a moment.

“Nani the fuck!!!!????”

Lying on the stair was her turtle Sui, on their back. Their toes were wiggling, trying to flip right side up.

Akire shook her head, “Sui, you’re such a dumbass.” The turtle looked at her. “Don’t you dare fucking piss.”

(this scene doesn't work anymore but FUCK man im still keeping it in)

Akire quickly returned the turtle to its tank and then finally made her way downstairs. But Akire was a clumsy baka so she tripped down the last three stairs.

“Itai yo!!!!!!” she shouted, like the damn weeb she was. She landed on her stomach, arms out. She lied there for a moment, tired.

Akire’s mother walked up. “Let’s go! We’re going to the pet store for your birthday!”

Akire shot up immediately. Would she finally be able to buy Water Vapor!?

“No more turtles though,” her mother said.

Akire pouted but understood. Her turtles were dumb. Cleaning their tank was work. Maybe she could get a cute little cat...

The idea of a cat got Super Nuko Ni Naritai stuck in her head. She began reciting the odd part at the beginning, making her mother shake her head in disappointment, but not surprise.

Upon finally reaching the pet store, Akire dashed inside. The cute dogs at the front of the store caught her eye immediately. She stayed at the windows where a bulldog, a golden retriever, and an Australian shepherd were playing. She was cooing and melting over their excitement.

A cat to her right caught her eye. Akire quickly moved onto the cats, watching the lazy balls of fur sitting, watching, waiting. They were so kawaii!!!!!!!!! She began singing Super Nuko Ni Naritai again, thanking the gods (Mafumafu) that it was in Japanese so no one could hear her inner furry.

“Hello! Have you heard of our new pet for sale?” a store clerk said, coming up to her.

Before Akire could even respond, the woman dragged her to the back of the store. In a cage was a small fox, a kitsune more accurately. The creature had odd navy fur, bordering on a dark violet. The orbs were an enchanting blue, curious, and unmoving.

“He’s only $42,069! So cheap for such a rare specimen!” the clerk said. She seemed desperate.

“Uhm-” Akire didn’t have that sort of money.

“Come on!!!!! He’s very cute.” As if to demonstrate this point, the clerk waved a treat in front of the glass. The kitsune perked up, but instead of doing a trick, he growled and scratched at the glass. When the treat didn’t magically osmosis through the glass, he backed up and crashed into the barrier, only to fall back into his cage.

“Cute...sure...” Akire said with suspicion.

“He’s just uhm...he takes some getting used to!” the clerk declared, seemingly more desperate.

Somehow, someway the gods above (Yukimi) must have carried Akire towards the cage, because before she knew it, she was standing in front of the creature.

Akire held out her hand, expecting the kitsune to start growling again. But instead the little fox sat and watched her. When Akire moved her hand to the side, it followed the movement.

“I think he likes you!” the clerk said rather forcefully. “You should buy him!”

Akire shook her head, “Oh I really don’t have that sort of money...I spend it on uhm, various musical interests.” Akire thought of her many albums.

Her mother walked up to the two. “Oh! What a cute little fox. Do you want him?” she asked her daughter.

“It’s expensive though...”

“How much?”

“$42,069,” Akire replied.

“Oh that’s perfectly fine!” her mother beamed. “It’s your birthday, we can afford it!!!!”

Akire watched as the poor kitsune was wrangled out of its cage. The creature didn’t seem to like the store clerks too much. Akire felt bad for him. He was kawaisou.

After the transaction at the counter, the store clerk turned to Akire. The creature was now in a small cage, with a leash (did....did leashes even work on foxes? Were you supposed to walk it???) and a blanket.

“What would you like to name him?”

Akire couldn’t explain why she thought of this name. Maybe it held some relevance to her in some other universe, perhaps it was the name of another utaite that she so loved.

“Risru,” she replied. The kitsune – now Risru – hummed at the sound, as if in approval (I really don’t know what to say here, really, what DOES the fox say. Like???? It doesn't bork does it??? no????????????? wa pa pa papapow! wa pa pa papapow!!)

***

At home, Akire was playing with Risru. For the first hour or so, he was curious, but still hesitant. He would only bring himself about a foot towards her, before scurrying off. The only thing that would keep him near her was a snack.

“Risru-chan! Kocchi kocchi!!!!” she cried. Akire waved a toy in front of her, piquing the curiosity of the kitsune.

The fox squeaked and jumped towards the toy, evidently landing in Akire’s lap. She rubbed behind his ears, giving him ALL the good rubs and pats. Risru stilled first, tense and uncertain. But after such pat, very rub, he calmed and leaned into Akire.

The time seemed to have flown by, and Akire was being called for dinner.

“So, how is he?” her mother asked.

Akire quickly responded, “He’s cute! I don’t know why he likes me though...I’m just super plain...”

Her mother chuckled, “Ha ha, maybe you’re just special!”

Akire rolled her eyes. “Special” she wasn’t special she was just a normal girl who definitely didn’t have magic powers or super strong strength or a great voice, s u r e.

She finished her dinner quickly and went upstairs. It was the ripe time of nine o’clock. Akire stopped by the bathroom mirror, catching herself and her very plain-boring-definitely-not-actually-super-pretty-and-will-cause-a-love-triangle appearance.

Her waist-length, brown hair hung, surrounded her face and simple brown orbs. Akire sighed, and didn’t mind whatever the mirror showed her. She began walking back to her room. Noticing the time, she sent out Oha’s to her favourite utaite.

“Silvana-oniichan!!! Ohayougozaimasu!!!!!!!!!!! And send tweet.”

As she walked into her room, she bumped into someone. The sudden crash surprised her, sending her phone out of her hand.

“Kyaaaaa~”

Suddenly Akire felt as though this was some school hallway. There were people staring as she fell down dramatically, her hair flowing majestically behind her.

She looked up and met with a face. If this was some dumb manga he’d be the new kid in school.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

Oh no. He was hot.

The man helped her up. Akire felt all the blood rush to her cheeks as he did. His sapphire blue orbs twinkled, her reflection within them. His messy blue hair somehow flowed perfectly, cutely circling his face. Akire looked up further...were those...ears?

The man looked quite confused, “Akire-chan? Are you okay?”

Akire felt his hand touch her shoulder to check her condition. The touch sent tingles and shivers all over her body. Was this a good thing?

“Ah! Yes...arigatou...uhm...”

“Risru,” he finished for her.

It caught Akire off guard. “Ri..Risru-chan?”

He blinked – God (Isubokuro) even the way he blinked was perfect. His mouth pulled into a sweet smile, his teeth perfectly in line. “Yes, Akire-chan?”

Startled, Akire scurried back, tripping over her bottle of tea and falling onto the floor. “What...Risru...what happened!? WHAT!!???” She looked at him, now from a different perspective she noticed something. He didn’t have a shirt on! In fact, the only thing covering up his...member ( imsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorryimsorry ;)))))))))) was a random piece of cloth.

Akire turned her face away, not without a glance at his sculpted, fine, perfect abs. His six pack made her blush even more redder.

“Go put on a shirt! Or something!!” she demanded.

Risru quickly apologized and went to find one of Akire’s many oversized sweaters. He threw on Akire’s favourite MCR T-shirt and pulled his hair into a messy bu-

“What the fuck!! What the hell did you do with Risru-chan?? Give him back!” Akire somehow turned chibi and began hitting the full grown man with her fists like they did in the anime.

Risru laughed. His laugh was cute, admittedly. But...it’s not like she’d ever say that!!! Baka!!!!! The way his voice carried throughout the room, and sent warmth through her was nice. Akire would like to hear his laugh a lot.

Risru’s laugh was contagious. Akire found herself laughing as well.

“Kawaii,” he whispered, as if in awe.

“Eh???????????”

“You’re cute. Your smile is nice, I hope to see it more,” he said. “Yoroshiku onegaishimasu~~~” He bowed, showing off the cute, fluffy ears atop his head. But they were bad ears that were obviously made by an amateur furry artist because he also had his normal ears so he had four ears and it looked dumb.

Akire flushed EVEN harder. Her face was most certainly as red as Mafumafu-sama’s orbs. “Th-this still doesn’t explain what you did with Risru-chan!”

Risru scratched his head awkwardly, his ears twitching (the furry ones, not the human ones). “Well, I’m actually cursed by a great mage...” his tail swished sadly. “For 12 hours of the day I’m able to assume my normal form, for the other 12 I’ve been cursed to stay in the body of a-”

“Fox?”

“A human.”

Akire stared. “You...you’re supposed to be a fox?”

Risru looked extremely sad. He nodded.

“But...why would you want to be a fox?” Akire tried to ignore the very Shrek-Like Plot that Risru-chan had just presented to her.

Risru looked almost insulted. “The pets! The rubs! I’m so cute when I’m a fox, tons of people just wanna pet me. But after the curse I turned temperamental, that’s why I was so angry with all the staff at that store. Stupid human emotions.”

Akire just sighed, supposing that receiving physical affection was a good enough reason to want to be an animal. She supposed that being a fox also meant not having to go to school or work at all either.

“Akire?” he mother called up from the bottom of the stairs. “What are you yelling about up there??????”

Akire swore, “Risru-chan, you can’t be loud. I...I have to hide you! This is a secret, okay? You said for twelve hours?”

“Yeah from 8pm to 8am.”

“You can’t leave this room from those times. I promise I’ll take you out during the day when you’re a fox.” Akire bowed. “Hontou ni sumimasen!!!!”

Risru ruffled her hair, and smirked. “It’s okay, Akire-chan.”

***

The realization dawned upon Akire quite quickly. She had ordered Risru to stay in her room, and of course, that would mean he had to sleep in her room and well...

“Akire-chan, you’re wonderful, but I don’t want to sleep on tea stains! I want to be warm,” he pouted cutely.

There was only one bed.

Akire’s heart began to thump. No matter how much she tried to convince Risru to sleep on the floor, that she’d get fluffy pillows and sheets from elsewhere, he stubbornly refused it all.

“Aw c’mon! You get to wake up to a cute fox~” he teased.

Now, if this was a good story (or maybe this would actually make it better idk) Akire would realistically wake up at like 7 in the morning for her morning class (as a result, wake up to a Hot Man which honestly wouldn’t be too awful if youre like super thirsty or smt). But luckily, Akire-chan goes to ~~Animu School~~ so everything works out!!

Akire conceded, “Fine! But you have to sleep as far away from me as possible!”

And so they went to bed. Akire huddled into the far-left side, letting Risru spread out on the right. She tried desperately not to think of his cute grin and Rock Hard Biceps, eventually falling asleep.

Akire tossed and turned all night, feeling trapped in her sleep. At one point, she seemed to hit something in her sleep, eliciting a grunt from whatever she hit.

As promised, the next morning a small Kitsune was resting under her arm. His cute nose twitched in Risru-chan’s sleep. Akire slowly woke him up, and he yowled (I DON'T KNOW WHAT SOUND THEY MAKE IM SORRY) before climbing all over her for pets.

Wait...how did he get under her arm if he only recently turned into a fox??????

“I wonder...” Akire mused. “Oh well!! Maybe he was just cold.”

--Taimu skippu to 2 weeks later—

Akire how now been living with Risru for two weeks...you know what that means dear readers....fourteen nights................

It was Winter Break (for the sake of this story we’re not going to change the times despite it not really making sense, even though I could do it very easily tis FINE WHATEVER) !!! Akire usually never went away, so she was extremely excited to stay home and do Absolutely Nothing.

“Akire dear,” her mother called. “You’ll be alone for the next week okay??? I’m going on a trip with your father!!!!!!! Stay safe!!!”

Akire gasped. Her parents away for the entire time that meant....she turned to the small blue fox who was playing with one of her dogs – the one that liked Amatsuki.

She would be alone with Risru-chan for an entire week!!!!!!

So, you know EXACTLY what happened :))))))))))))))

AKIRE DID LOTS OF TWITCASTSS!!!!!!!

Sometimes Risru would join in, doing duets to songs like Myoujou Galactica and providing the Scream during Hibana since Akire couldn’t (yet).

“Twitcasting is really fun with you, Risru-chan,” Akire exclaimed. “Your voice is so nice,” she continued.

Risru noticed the expression on her face, the way her golden orbs seemed to lose their glow, and how her smile was turning upside down. “Eh, I think your voice is nicer though,” he said simply.

“Uso darou!!!!!!! There’s no way!!” Akire threw a pillow at him.

Risru threw the pillow back in response. This resulted in a full on pillow fight between the two of them. At one point, Risru managed to hit her right in the face, and she began to laugh.

“Kawaii......bishoujo.......deshu...”

“Baka!!! Urusai!!” Akire shouted. She shot the pillow back towards him. Eventually Risru tackled her, his bulging muscles stopping her from moving.

“I think you’re great at singing, and you’re very cute,” Risru whispered into her ear. He smelled like cigarettes and coffee (risru never touched either of those in his life but that's showbiz babey).

Akire found herself getting embarrassed from the words. “Baka!!!” she threw him off and dove into bed. Risru was still smirking when she peaked her head over.

And then he kabedon’ed her to the wall, suddenly he was wearing a leather jacket and his jawline was perfect, cutting. His orbs were an animal’s, rough and filled with passion, hunger. Using a deeper, throaty voice, he growled, “What’s up?” He flicked his head up and did the weird man-nod thing.

Akire smirked, “The sky.”

Risru almost pouted, “What!? You don’t...buy my Bad Boy Act??? This is so strange. NO ONE has ever resisted my charms!! This is a travesty!”

Akire flipped her hair, “I guess I'm not like other girls.”

Risru was now legally contracted to get Akire to fall under his cute charms so she could give him all the pets.

(this is the part in the wattpad fanfiction where things start taking a very dark and somewhat unexpected turn. If I cared to actually write it, it would go something like this:

“No!! You can’t take Risru away! He’s just like you and me!” Akire cried out desperately. But it was too late. The Furry Collectors had already muzzled the fox and were muttering amongst themselves.

Akire resolved that she would save Risru no matter what.

This would be the training montage and Akire would become very good at nearly everything in the span of about two months, including things like knife throwing, dodging, jiu-jitsu and maybe like wrestling or something. Definitely a badass with a sword or something.

Her trainer is an old man and she left a note to her parents explaining that she was on an exchange and they for some reason didn’t question it.

Akire stealthily made her way around the premises of the iron-clad building. She evaded all of the traps and managed to successfully beat up the guards outside.

Once inside, she located the control room, where she shut off all the power. Suddenly, all the furries began running out of their cages. Some of them were in human form, with tails and ears sticking out. Others were still animals, dogs, cats, and the like running away.

Akire threaded through the mass of furries, trying to find Risru.

“Risru-chan!” she called, running from room to room.

Eventually, she reached a room with very big doors that said “BOSS” on them.

“This must be the boss room,” she concluded.

The doors automatically opened, and Akire stepped inside. Immediately she saw Risru in his human form, stuck behind bars.

“Akire-chan!” he cried out. “You have to run, it’s not safe here.”

Akire’s orbs glinted with determination, “I’m not leaving here without you.”

“Well, well, well,” a low voice said from behind her. Akire turned and saw a figure emerge from the shadows. “Look what we have here.”

“Let him go!!” Akire drew her sword, holding it by her side. She charged at what seemed to be a slightly older man. His eyes flashed purple and he grinned, drawing two swords.

The two engaged in an epic fight, with Risru watching helplessly from the sides.

“Muahahahahah!!! You are a foolish little girl,” the man declared. “My project is almost complete. By midnight, your little fox’s worst dream will come true,” he sneered.

“No!” Akire shouted. She delivered a blow to his arm, knocking one of the swords out of the Villain’s hands.

“Yes! He will become a full human!!”

Akire gasped, her confusion stunning her for a moment. “YOU MONSTER! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM!?” Risru howled from the side out of despair. Akire felt her heart growing heavy. Risru-chan didn’t deserve any of this!!

Fueled by anger, Akire pulled out her ultimate weapon, a shiny red button.

“I only wanted to save Risru-chan. But I can’t forgive you,” Akire said sternly. Her eyes were shaded by her bangs, and the shading around her pupils looked different to signify how serious she was getting.

Akire clicked the button she had and was suddenly enveloped in light. She was lifted into the air, and her eyes closed calmly. Suddenly, all of her clothing was being replaced with stuff that looked like it was from an idol game, her hair was being done up, and her sword was growing bigger.

Some random angel choir seemed to be singing one of her favourite songs, yet again.

“春と黒髪　夏の浅瀬　秋色の頬　冬は寝起きの悪い君も”

Akire turned all her attention on Villain-san and charged at him with her power. “You won’t get away with this!” she cried out.

The villain was overwhelmed, he screeched as Akire knocked him unconscious.

“ボクはボクはどれも好きだったよ”

Akire turned to Risru, who was still locked in the cage. She raised her hand and some weird magic energy flew out of it, blowing up a portion. Risru-chan ran out, meeting Akire for a hug.

“山紫水明　染まる君と　百花繚乱の日々よ　記憶の彼方へ”

Risru’s shirt was ripped, showing off his Rock Hard Abs. “I missed you so much Akire-chan.”

“Me too Risru-chan. I was so worried,” she exclaimed. “All my training, everything paid off.”

“I knew you could do it. After all, kimi wa boku no (pico) kawaii bishoujo desu.”

Akire’s chocolate orbs sparkled, “Of course, I’m not like other girls.” She threw on her favourite MCR sweatshirt, and threw her hair into a messy bu-

An alarm went off in the building. People were scattering, running around causing a panic. One scientist ran past them, “It’s gonna blow! Our great overlord has fallen!! Someone carry his body out!!”

“ずっと見惚れたい”

Risru held her hand and they ran out of the building, Akire’s magical girl appearance slowly falling, leaving her in the clothes she came in.

“ずっと触りたい”

They reached a window, but it was high up, at least four stories. “We’re going to have to jump,” Risru said, his voice trembling. “Hold onto me, okay Akire-chan?”

“さよなら　さよなら”

Risru leaped off of the building with inhuman skill (bcos he is a furry and anime logic) landing safely on the ground. The two quickly began to run.

Behind them the building was being ripped apart with white threads, slowly turning orange before the iron and metal makings broke, the explosion setting the nearby trees on fire. The sound and vibrations tore at their ears. Shrapnel from the bombs was flying everywhere, and the energy of the impact caused the forest to pulse.

For a time, Akire couldn’t hear. But she could feel the heat of the explosion as she ran away from it, Risru by her side.

“季節の”

It was pretty epic.

“折々にて”

Yeah I think it would go like that. And then after she’d return her magical girl button to her trainer and come back home as if nothing happened and they didn't just get rid of some furry-destroying organization. But in reality this would never finish bc wattpad writers have a hard time transitioning from slice-of-life to action and their action scenes usually suck no offense)

--taimu skippu to less than a year later—

“Surprise!!!!! Otanjoubi omedetou!!!!!!!!” Risru exclaimed.

From behind his back, he pulled out a small gift that was horribly wrapped. Akire guessed that the fox did his best, but if he wasn’t allowed to leave during the night...he definitely wrapped it in fox form.

Akire unwrapped the box, inside was a microphone.

“Ri-Risru-chan....” she teared up.

The boy’s ears twitched with excitement.

“How did you even buy this?”

Risru smirked, “Don’t worry about the details! Hatsutoukou o tanoshimi ni shitemasu!!!!!!”

~ and they lived happily ever after ~

:)) i hope you enjoyed that. please dream about buff risru who's plot revolves around shrek and anime and wattpad. thank u for hitting up my inbox so you could drag me further into utaite hell and i hope u get lots of albums

#do i even tag this as utaite #i really dont want to #this shouldnt plague the utaite tag #writing #my writing #CURSED #PLEASE DONT OPEN THIS #fanfic

[taetae-tea]

The One (Part I)

Part I --> Part 2

Genre: Hybrid!Taehyung, Fluff, Angst, smut in the future

Paring: TaehyungXreader

Word-count: 2,9K

Warnings: Abuse, unjust, anxiety, forcing, animalistic feelings

Summary: You’ve never liked the idea of hybrids, since it’s straight up abuse from a owner to a hybrid, they aren’t treated like humans. But what happens when your boss gave you a hybrid as a gift?

A/N: HAHA, I might look a bit like a copy cat since others have been writing about hybrid!au related stories, but I’ve actually liked the idea of the genre a lot, so sorry not sorry <3

Masterlist

‘I get what?’

You stare wide-eyed at the man in front of you, somewhat irritation running through your system. You’re genuinely confused to this request of your boss. It’s not something you'd normally get for the christmas days at work. Regularly, it’s just a box full of food and extra nobody-needs-that things. You've never wanted a christmas box anyways, you never use all the tools and mostly you even give it to the homeless.

‘Come on ___, everyone these days wants one.’ He chuckle, nudging your side as he smirked down at you. You hate that smirk of his, he always want to tease without a good reason. It’s as if he always needed to hamper you, though you let him notice you’re not into his bullshit that day. But at the end, he’s still your boss. You can’t do anything about his tremendous deportment.

‘I don’t need a hybrid in my house, so no thanks.’ You sigh, deciding on turning around, but your boss only called for you to hold there. ‘You don’t have a choice, have a nice christmas ___!’

You scoff, now not hesitant on rushing out of that room. Sometimes you don’t even know why you became a part of this pesky enterprise. It pays well, yeah, but this has a thousand too much problems within. Their problems are mostly on the social-part. It's the way they treat employees, particularly women, who they like to impede. With 'they' , is meant the fewer higher-standing employers. But whatever you might disagree about, it still pays well, over average. And in your position, you could use some money to keep up your own living.

Suddenly your phone began to vibrate in your pocket. When you see the message of a shipping oganisation, knowing it wasn't your doing, you began to internally scream. You can't believe this fucktard of a boss litterally sends you this so-called hybrid to your house, no announcing or anything. You've never wanted a hybrid to even begin with.

It's not that you hate hybrids individually, it's just the matter on 'why' they were made. You know that these hybrids are also human beings, converted to this inhuman rase. Not only do they break nature's law, they also treat hybrids like complete garbage. Most people want them to help with their own lacking desire of affection. It's sad, truly, but the most sad of them all is that the hybrids have no idea. They think it's just the way life goes. Getting raped every single day? No problem, if that’s what you have to do to please your owner. It’s sickening, knowing this sort of extraordinarily abuse exists. Unbelievable.

You race over the highway in your car, making fast work on getting yourself home. You want to send the hybrid back as fast as possible, you don't want to support this kind of mutated human, not when there is too much wrong about it. It's a form of rebelling, indirectly showing your opinion on this. You want them to feel free, to feel loved like other humans. It’s almost as if they have less right than a cat or a dog, though they are human like the rest. If they only would realize that it wasn’t the right way to live your life, they would revolt and you would be a 100% supporter of that

You arrive at your house, immediately noticing a man standing in front of your house, hands folded over one another. He wears a kind smile, like he just delivered a small package, but in reality he just delivered you a whole human being. You can see the well-known uniform of the hybrid-company, called Hy-Tech, disgusting.

’The hybrid is in the back of the truck, should I get hi-.’

‘No, I don’t want ‘him’. It was a present of my workplace, but really I don’t need one. Still thanks though.’ You’d cut him off, walking straight past the shocked-looking guy. You struggle on getting your keys out, wanting to avoid the awkward silence between the unknown person and you.

‘Sorry miss, but we can’t take him back, at least not the same day.’ You can hear his wavering tone, somewhat scared for your reaction. From what he has noticed, you’re rather a spicy girl. And he is right, because you almost want to smack your keys to his head when those words left his mouth. Still, you try to keep yourself calm and steady, turning around with all the continence you have left in your bones.

‘When can I return him?’

‘Two weeks is the minimum. Mostly it’s used to see if the owner likes the hybrid, if not, it will be exchanged for a better one-.’ He almost drifts off ‘But, you can also just wait and then return him.’

You let out a deep sigh, lifting up you hand to massage your head for a small second to think. It’s not like there’s a lot to think about, you don’t have any choice. Two weeks isn’t long, so it’s somewhat doable. It’s just, you’re furious about the cause, your boss. Couldn’t he at least tell you? Ask you?

‘Okay… I guess I don’t have a choice.’ You sigh, nodded for the guy to get the hybrid, the poor thing. The guy smiles genuinely, probably just happy he didn’t had to disappoint his boss with an unhappy customer. He walks up to the back of his truck, opening it and smiling at the hybrid inside. He nudges his to get out, encouraging. You let out another sigh, again feeling a drill of irritation flowing through your body. Now you think about it, your boss must think that you’re some lonely loser who needs a fucking hybrid to fulfill your needs or something. What kind of creepy thoughts does this guy even have about you?

Then the hybrid finally steps out of the truck, looking around to take in his surroundings. You cock your head to the side as the hybrid and the man approaches you. He is… beautiful. It’s no doubt, his eyes, hair, body, lips, nose, you could go on and on. But then again, they must be made to be beautiful. thereby, they are here to please you, also your eyes.

‘Hi…’ He says shyly, looking away from you. You have to admit, he is really cute and you nod your head in return at him to greet him. You analyze his hybrid features, vastly noticing it’s some kind of cat, probably a lion or something, since his ears are yellow and so is his tail. His tail also has a little fluffy hair bundle at the tip. He wears a big sweater with black tight jeans, casually clothed, making him more adorable for his owner. Pathetic.

’So, there isn’t much you need to know about hybrids since you will be returning him again.’ The ears of the hybrid sprang up as he wears a really sad expression by hearing the words of the man, your heart sinking immediately. He must be very sad that you don’t want him, as if he is just a object, as if he’s lacking. How could this bastard say that in front of the hybrid himself? Like he isn’t part of the conversation. Fucking hell, this gets you so damn mad. You clench your jaw as you kept your eyes on the guy, having a stern glare.

‘He needs to eat and drink like any other human. He also needs some medicine for his heat, which he gets next week. Unless you’s want him to-.’

‘No.’ You cut him off again, not at all feeling the need to want any sexual things from this hybrid. You can take care of your sexual frustrations yourself, which is clubbing.

‘Well, then you need these pills.’ He gave you a small bag, white pills piled on one another. ‘He needs it once a day.’ You nod  as you put the bag in your jacket pocket. ‘That was it I guess, you can call me any time you need me.’ ‘There will be no need.’ You answer, now turning around and signaling for the hybrid to go with you, sighing a soft ‘for fucks sake’ under your breath.

Once the both of you were inside, warmth embracing your bodies, you pull off your jacket and shoes and the hybrid did the same as he just copied your doings. Then a question suddenly shot through your head.

‘Fuck, what’s your name?’

His eyes shot up at you with confusion written all over his face. He shrugs, literally not knowing his name. ‘I don’t have a name yet, you need to give me one.’ He says. Anger again began to boil within you. How can’t he even have his own name? Everyone has a name, it’s not possible for him not to know his own name at this point.

‘Didn’t they give you a name, ever?’ You say, now slightly interested in his background story. You’d like to know how his past life went, if he got treated well. You can’t imagine him, this sweet angel with a boxy smile, being abused, tossed around like a no one.

’They called me kitty, you can call me that too if you want.’ He says, giving you a small smile before focussing his gaze on the ground again. Then you noticed, as he looks at the ground, he is just having a straight face. As if he isn’t allowed to look at you? You run your hand through your hand, calming yourself.

‘No.’

He frowns, now giving you little glances up at you, but quickly looked back down at the floor. He is confused, why are you reacting like this? His past owners always were overjoyed and immediately wanted to use him for many different things. But he could sense you didn’t want any of it, you were different. You also gave him some kind of dominant vibes, so maybe you were just immense strict towards him, maybe wanting him on his knees to beg you? What do you want?

‘Look up at me, never look down ever again.’

He obeys, looking up at your eyes, still confused. You take his hand, carefully taking him to the couch and sitting him down. You’re mad, but still, you can’t blame him. You need to be careful with him, show him what real love is so he might want to escape and never return from this world. Maybe you can change his few on this world.

’Do you have a particular name you like a lot?’

‘Taehyung... I like that name… a lot.’ He almost looks scared to speak his own mind. He hesitates in his sentences a lot. He can’t even have his own opinion, fucking bullshit. It’s all bullshit, if you’d ask. How much you’d like to go back in time to where the hybrids got invented and just ruin it all, destroying all their new-found inventions.

‘Okay Taehyung, I’m ___, we’re going to make a few things straight in this house.’

He nods, a bit confused to why you would name him his preferred name, are you just being nice so he would have to pay it back later in bed? Is this some test? To show you that he is a great pet? Because you already wanted to throw him out the moment he walked up to you and you hadn’t even looked at him yet. But the way you’re treating him made him confused. you disliked him so much in the first place, what got your mind to change like that?

‘First, you can go out whenever you want, I don’t mind, just don’t go too far because you will lose track on your path. Secondly, you may eat whatever you’d like, just look in the kitchen if you want anything and you can grab it, just don’t eat my whole fridge away. Thirdly, you can be casually with me. Fourthly, I don’t want anything from you, with that I mean your body. You can be free here.’

Your four simple ways around your house got his head dizzy. He never has been treated this way and he couldn’t really find a reason to why you would be different. Of course, he isn’t complaining, he just can’t stop thinking that’s it’s a trick and you will be throwing him out any minute now. It’s his biggest fear as a hybrid, being left alone and back in his own cell again, waiting for the next owner. To him, a home is way better than the cells the hybrids have to live in while they are in the between-owners period. It gets him chills, thinking back to those cells.

‘O-Okay…’

You smile at him, hand reaching up to pet his ears, which hadn’t stopped twitching with confusion, but now eased down as you kept petting him. The feeling isn’t foreign to him, but it still has been a long time since he has been petted, and to your information, he loves it. So it wasn’t a surprise that he purr immediately formed, head leaning into your hand, eyes still wide open as he didn’t yet dare to relax with you. What is he makes the wrong move? Will you punish him?

‘Relax, I won’t hurt you.’ You try to assure him and he eventually does, closing his eyes and head laying down on your lap, loud purr heard. This place suddenly felt like heaven to him, as if he has finally find his destination, a good owner. He can’t stop admiring you all of a sudden, loving your smell, the way your hands slide over his ears as you turn on the television. You don’t mind him having on your lap, it’s adorable and you see how much he needs this. He obviously never really had the chance to relax, so you wouldn’t mind showing him how life also could be. Thereby, you’re extremely tired and you just want to relax, you will deal with your new accompany the next day.

He turns around to face you on your lap, arms making their way around your waist as he couldn’t help himself anymore, affection drilling through his body by your touch. It’s so overwhelming, feeling so satisfied after many years of being a ‘slave’. He just wants to keep being in your arms, resting his head on your lap.

‘Aren’t you cold?’ You say as you feel a slight breeze in your apartment, thinking that he might be cold from it. You know that cats like warmth, since you had a cat when you were younger and still lived at home, so maybe lions do too. He shakes his head no, but you didn’t take his response as an answer, still standing up and getting a thick blanket for the both of you to lay under. When you came back and laid the blanket over his body, you notice his big boxy smile, purr as loud as always. You sit down next from him as you took the blanket over your body too, nudging him to come closer to you and so he does. He lays his body close against you, arms again around your waist as he watches along with the series you had zapped to.

‘___, are you testing me?’ He suddenly asks and you just shake your head, hand coming up to pet his hair slightly, reassuring that everything is okay and that he can relax for the upcoming 2 weeks, because you’re still not planning on keeping him. But maybe, just maybe, you will let him stay? He thought. If he’s just really good to you, you might reconsider your choice?

‘Just relax tonight, Taehyung. Nothing will happen, I won’t ever play with you like that, I’m not like that.’ You sigh, hand returning to your own lap. He feels relieved. You’re so different from most people and he just can’t wait for you to open up more to him, showing your real nature to him. Because, as he feels your skin on his, he feels something strange. Something he never felt before and he didn’t know it was just affection or something stronger than that, talking about his mate. Mating is still something very big in this system of hybrids, since it’s a big turn on for the humans, wanting to be mated with a hybrid. It’s fucked up, yeah, but humans like it, getting owned by something with a big animalistic drive. Like with heaths, humans enjoy those the most out of everything.

‘Never leave me.’ He mutters, genuinely meaning the words and making your heart break. You can’t, you don’t want to. You’ve always been against it. Always. You can’t just take a turn on your opinion because of him… But still, he seems to have this effect on you when he lays close to you, it somewhat gets you dizzy. Maybe it’s just the effect a hybrid has on its owners. Whatever it is, it makes you want to be closer to him, cuddle up to him and hold him. You try to fight back as much as possible and that eventually works. You’re not that weak, you know how to stop. But others don’t. What if he goes back, to that centre and then eventually to another horrible owner? You can’t let him go back there, not knowing that he will go somewhere terrible. 

It has only been the first hour and you feel as if you’ve fallen into a deep ravine. Boy oh boy, this is going to be a whole new adventure.

A/N: I hope y'all liked it!

Masterlist

#bts #bts smut #bts scenarios #bts fake texts #bts reactions #bts fanfiction #fanfiction #scenarios #fake texts #reactions #bts smut scenarios #bts smut reactions #smut #fluff #bts fluff #bts fluff scenarios #hybrid #hybrid!au #hybrid!bts #hybrid!taehyung #taehyung #kim taehyung #bts taehyung #bts kim taehyung #taetae #v #bts v #taehyung smut #taehyung scenarios #taehyung fanfiction

[yunhycran-blog]

( the cuteST )

for once i don’t have a long ass spiel typed before introducing myself, imagine that ! hey i’m kat, i’m 20, canadian, and uh, i’m rly pulling this stunt again huh !! bc of lo siento fucking me up, i’m giving this brat one last shot in the group rp realm rather than pick up a new muse ( i am.. v convinced i kill or ruin rps by presence alone but with her ?? it’s tenfold so fingers crossed GKSKGKSL ) i’m just.. rly attached to her ok. 

i’m a uni student and in love with sowoo if that wasn’t already obvious, plus i’m 90% sure at least a quarter of you have seen me use hyeran before so this shouldn’t be a surprise to you SDKGJGKLDFS. you can find extras abt her — including stats — HERE, hmu on d*scord if you’d like ( STREAM LO SIENTO !!#2030 ) and with that, i’ll shut up and ( re ?? perhaps ? dfgjslkg ) introduce you to this brat !

` +⬦･ﾟ——— SHE/HER, PANSEXUAL — YUN HYERAN is said get mistaken for JEON SOMIN on campus all the time. they are TWENTY-TWO and about to go into their SENIOR YEAR. rumour has it they’re majoring in MUSIC COMPOSITION and came all the way from DAEGU, SOUTH KOREA. their roommate says they’re EBULLIENT & RESOLUTE but also SELF-CRITICAL & CIRCUMSPECT. ( kat, 20, gmt-3:30, and she/her  )

yun hyeran, a daegu native with an older and younger brother, an ambivert and an all around baby

tbh this is a copied intro from a few months back that i tweaked a bit for the rp, and i don’t have the time to perfectly incorporate much of her bg, so you can check out all of that HERE

buT she became involved in music through her father, who studied it in uni and ended up becoming a music instructor with a focus on piano, flute and vocals

her and her mom.. also her older brother, didn’t have the best relationship when she grew older, which seemed to die altogether when her parents divorced and her mom left. but her and her brother’s still exists, albeit barely. he’s a bit of a toxic influence on her, or at least that’s how she perceives it, and she tends to distance herself from him

would visit jeju island when she was younger bc her aunt lived there

she adores said aunt, her dad’s sister and the maternal figure she Deserves, so overall jeju holds a special place in her heart

went to uni in seoul to pursue music like her father ( a daddy’s girl too like ) but transferred to busan u after some.. shit and her own feelings ? anyways she was content when she settled here and soon found her way into the world of production !! by junior year, she’d transferred out of her original program and majored in that instead and has loved it ever since

for the time being, she works full-time as a barista at a café off-campus

she’s also making something of an income as the creator of an acct on youtube and soundcloud for her music, something she’s had for abt a year now

she’s not even close to making it big yet ofc, and she doesn’t mind if she never works for a moderately to highly popular label — though she should if she wants to get by

among the aesthetic, lo-fi music crowd ( one of those yt accts with a livestream for certain playlists that go on for hours, rip ) where for the most part, it’s personal faves mixed with her own works, and has a substantial following as of now. but has an interest in experimenting, with mashups ( as a lover of them ?? i couldn’t help myself sgflkdsjg ) for example, with a small fear of how that change would be received

this is so short since i took out a bit from when she was recent uni grad!hyeran so, pardon that sgkljgskfld

in terms of her personality and other things:

she’s a very loyal person, v e r y. while like i said ( and will elaborate on in her bio ), her relationship with her brother is Not Great, she hasn’t completely given up on him. maybe for the time being — by that i mean another two years or so ?? LJSKSDFGJ my baby’s still hurt by his bullshit so — but her being someone who’s open to the idea of people changing for the better somewhere down the line, leaves a bit of room for her to possibly change her mind if he does enough to allow her to consider it

so she can be a bit of a doormat in some cases, it all depends on how she sees the person that determines if that’s the case, but she generally won’t let you off if you’re being dumb/an ass to someone or if she gets advantageous vibes from you for example ( given she can.. be a little naive and is a p gentle soul ) so.. idk fgklsj good luck to the 99% ig ??

don’t confuse that with her being v forgiving, weak, etc, etc. she’s a soft bitch, p vulnerable too ngl but.. she’s not that Dumb sdljfkg

speaking of vulnerable, she does have a slight dependency on others despite her thinking all signs point to the opposite, and even though her and her mom never rly had a good relationship she still reels from the neglect/abandonment some days so handle her with Care if she deems you a close pal

spontaneous tbh, transferring to busan was a little last minute on her part, for one

she’s a bit reclusive when focused on something, if she tells you she’s working on a track, it’s essentially a head’s up that you might not see her for a couple of days depending on how soon she gets it done — lowkey that bitch™ who makes up an illness to her boss, so she wouldn’t even show up for work if it’s more than just her fucking around

bc admittedly, a lot of what she posts is fucking around and liking it, her more thought-out and effort packed projects are hidden away on her laptop

a bit insecure with her work and just her general disposition ?? those first few points above mess with her a lot and leave her disheartened so.. my poor child

v strong overall, takes people’s shit and if it gets to her, she gets over it p fast. doesn’t dwell on much and will be courteous to you even if she’s declared you too toxic to stick around 24/7

isn’t exactly one to get angry ?? she’s basically just disappointed or annoyed at best 99% of the time, it takes a lot to get her beyond that

positive, ugh. maybe not sickeningly sweet, but.. still dgklsf

don’t confuse that with optimism tho, bc she’s a bit of a defensive pessimist deep down, with her optimistic side always trying to overpower it

a cute bean who wants the best for everyone

uhhh

has a good understanding of english, her mom’s an american national so she grew up with it being spoken in the house at times

prob speaks it better than i speak french ( and uh, i studied that for almost ten fucking years with a shit end result on that end of things LKSDFGJGDKF ), but still wouldn’t consider herself fluent

.. i would tho js

plays piano and bass guitar, but knows her way around a flute and tenor sax ( you don’t know how tempted i was to say clarinet as an homage to jiwoo gjflkgds )

prob had some kind of little amateur rock band with a few music majors and took up bass for the hell of it lmao

loves animals, leans towards cats or big dogs. corgis and those little spaniels get a pass tho

speaking of, she has a cute little calico kitten back in daegu ( i’m shit with pet names so if lucy sounds lacklustre.. you know why rgkjls ) who she Loves, her baby !!

sweater, ball cap and basic t shirt junkie

those glasses somin wears a lot ?? hyeran wears them too but.. actually needs them for reading and especially while she’s working on shit on her laptop, not even close to a fashion statement

doesn’t don much makeup unless someone’s dragging her to a party or something

thaT’S when she looks a little more like a classy early twenties bitch.. which lbr, is hard enough when adulthood is a whole Train Wreck for the most part LGFJSDL

not a heavy drinker, but the textbook definition of a lightweight so.. she’s always praying for anyone who has to deal with her dgfjklsfg

lattes are her livelihood

a bit of a hopeless romantic, just a bit, but god help her nonetheless

her favourite subject in hs was literature/writing and reads quite a bit on her breaks at the café, even took up a couple of courses since attending uni

favourite music genres.. it’s easier to say what she doesn’t like/finds boring, which is prob country and some aspects of edm/pop, not into punk/metal either

these are super basic but.. i’ve gotta get myself together for the day so this’ll do for now i hope ??

so if you’d like to plot, im me here or on d*scord ! i prefer the latter personally, but whichever’s easiest for you. i have a list of a few of the specific wcs i have in mind ( for the time being, catch my lazy ass avoiding listing all the basic ones and revising a few i have on an old blog ) for hyeran up now, which you can find here, so just lmk if any of them appeal to you !!

#busans.intro #╳┊: — bitch you’re gonna die ! •「 ooc. 」 #i've had this saved in my drafts since right after i sent my app in sgjklsfdg

[legrandepapillon]

To Withstand a Test of Time (marcules)

Summary: A brighter hope for a better future. Prompt: ‘I did a pregnancy test. It’s positive, but there's no way it could be yours.’ Author’s Notes: tw: rape, dubious consent, descriptions of violent abuse, and mentions of abortion

Hercules is exhausted, and his shoulders bear the weight of his day. His brain numbly recalls the details of the stressful day—a last minute hemming on a wedding dress, late night boxing of his new line of sweaters being shipped out, a leak in the customer bathroom that had nearly ruined the dresses on the showroom floor… a whirlwind of disaster after disaster. Everything was fine now—he'd handled the situations fairly easily and even gotten a headstart on the custom prom dresses he was making. And he'd helped make one brides wedding day remain the most perfect of her life, and that sort of satisfaction was what motivated him to keep running his own boutique.

He’s surprised to see that both Maria and Susan are still awake, playing happily with a box full of kittens— laughing and cooing at the small bundles of fur, not at all having noticed his entrance. His eyes fly to Maria, and her face morphs from amusement to joy when she finally does see him.

“Hey, Hercules, check these cats out! They were abandoned, babe—you should’ve seen the poor things! In the freezing rain, after I picked Susan up from practice. We couldn’t just leave them there,” she explains excitedly, a child-like gleam in her eyes.

One kitten has been lifted and curled closely to her chest, and it purrs at the attention when she runs the tips of her fingers between his ears. Hercules sighs, scrubs his hand over his face—he's not even surprised that something like this happened again.

Most people collected stamps or coins or potato chips shaped like religious figures. Maria collected lost animals— especially the discarded, abused, sick ones that no one wanted. They’d had a slew of pets ever since they’d moved into a house together—from dogs to goldfish to bunnies and now… kittens. Six of them, from the sleepy count that Hercules takes in his head. All of them, pawing playfully at the two girls sitting on the floor.

Usually, the animals she picked up were fosters that found forever homes. However, occasionally, she'd find strays and there'd be no open no-kill shelters willing to take them. It seems as though this was one of those situations.

“I don’t even—I gotta pee,” he sighs, unable to find the words. Nothing he says will change her mind from keeping the kittens anyways. “Keep those there.”

“Where else would I take them?” she asks, petting the cat pressed against her chest. The kitten innocently blinks wide green eyes up at him, and he fights the urge to reach out and ruffle the tufts of fur at the top of his head. They’re cute—he’ll give them that. He just needed to figure out where they'd keep six cats.

“Back to where they came from?” he jokingly retorts, to the horrified gasp of ‘Daddy!’ from Susan. He barely dodges the magazine that is thrown after his head.

Hercules shuffles off towards the guest bathroom while Maria helps Susan name the kittens—John and Alex are both immediately brought up and, after long moments of laughter, shot down—the aching in his pants begging him for purchase.

As he’s relieving himself, he looks boredly around the bathroom. The small bachelor pad that he used to own alone had taken on an extreme look of girlishness ever since Maria moved in—though, she did somehow manage to make every room look cozier. Besides, her presence was strong—he's sure the bathroom would be just as pink and just as frilly if there were one thousand men living in the house.

He’s not at all surprised that Ocean Bay soap sits primly in a soap cozy on his sink, or that the trashcan is fucking sky blue.

Frowning, Hercules glances back to the trash can. What was that? It’d been a glimpse—quick, buried mostly beneath tissues and drying towelettes, but there. White, and it looked a lot like a thermometer. Stuffing himself back in his pants and zipping up, Hercules reaches down and shuffles through the trash can—unearthing the strange looking object. He recognizes it immediately—he had watched his mother and father huddle around it four times in his childhood.

He's suddenly not very tired.

Why would Maria need a pregnancy test? He wore condoms and she took the pill—he knew, he checked her pill case sometimes to see if he'd need to get her more. They had sex frequently enough, but he did his best to monitor things between the distractions of business and raising little Susan. And whilst they couldn’t afford a new baby right now—both he and Maria worked while Susie was at school, and neither of them had the financial stability required to quit their jobs—he doesn't know why she wouldn't tell him that she had her suspicions.

Unfortunately, the box isn't in the trash and Hercules can't tell if the test came back positive or not. But by the looks of it, it had been taken a while ago—maybe a couple of days. Had she been planning to hide this from him? And if so, for how long? Certainly not too long—pregnancy started showing eventually, and she’d have to come clean.

He doesn’t have time to ponder an answer—laughter drifts from the living room and into the bathroom, reminding him that he shouldn't be taking this long. Tapping the pregnancy test against his unclipped nails, he eventually sets it against the sink to wash his hands before slipping out to the living room to where his girlfriend and child are.

“Babe, look! We have Raven,” Maria says, lifting the black kitten with the green eyes when she sees him. The smile on her lips betrays no secrets, and he hates to think she was omitting truth right to his face. “and Buttercup, from Susie’s favorite movie. We’ve come to deadlock on Coal and Charcoal—I personally think Charcoal makes much more sense, but Susan holds strong against me. Where do you stand?”

“Maria, do you have something to tell me?” he blurts, holding the stick up for her to see. The joy in her eyes immediately dims into sadness—shifting from bright bubbly happiness to a  dark, heartbroken grief in a matter of seconds. She turns to her child, her dark curly locks curtaining and hiding the kittens from his vision before she exhales and shakes her head.

“I knew this would come. Okay. I did a pregnancy test. It’s positive, but there's no way it could be yours,” she says quietly, petting one the the kittens. That had to be impossible. He knew that in the year they had begun dating and sleeping around together, they hadn't been exclusive. But in the past few months, they had been an official couple. There was no way she could be carrying a baby that wasn't his unless…

Immediately, Hercules’ heart takes a nosedive into his stomach.

“Who is he?” he asks bitterly, a lump forming in his throat making it difficult for him to get the words out. There's a thinly veiled rage boiling throughout his veins, making his muscles tense and his teeth grit. His mind swims with a thousand thoughts, none of them coherent enough to formulate on his tongue. He wants to scream and curse and hit something.

Terrifying his own self with that last sentiment, he furls and unfurls his fists, takes several deep breaths and points towards the staircase.

“Take your kittens and go play with them in your room, Susan. Daddy will come tuck you in soon,” Susan hesitates and looks nervously between her mother and stepfather, having been old enough to know what her real father did when his voice got angry like that. But Hercules had always done his best to promise both of them that he'd never lay a hand on a hair on their heads. “I'm not gonna hurt her. I swear.”

Though still wary, Susan does as told—picking up the kittens and gently placing them back into the box before carrying it upstairs. Both Hercules and Maria wait in a thick silence, listening out for the sound of her door closing before they continue the conversation.

When they finally do hear the short click that indicates she can no longer hear them, Hercules rehones his attention onto Maria.

“I'm going to try my best to be very open minded here. But you need to be honest,” he begins in calm yet shaky voice, doing his best to prevent himself from shouting or being accusatory. He's angry, and hurt, but he won't let that cloud his judgment. “Who is he?”

Maria takes a deep breath and moves to sit on the couch, hands twisting themselves about in her lap. She pats the seat beside her, and he goes to join her without second thought. He may be furious right now, but this is still the love of his life. He wanted to marry this woman one day, start a life with her. If she had done what he thinks she had, then he already knew he wanted to make it work.

“Herc, you know I love you,” she says slowly, and he can tell by her voice that she's about to cry, too. Seeing her so distressed isn't making anything about this situation easier. “I haven't, nor will I ever do anything to maliciously hurt you. You saved my life and you saved my daughter's life. You're a great guy, a loving boyfriend, a doting father. I'd be stupid to fuck that up on purpose.”

“Get to the point, Maria.”

She exhales again, wipes hastily at the tears that have begun to fall. By now, Hercules can begin to see through his own emotions, and what he finds makes his stomach twist even more. There's something eating away at her, he can see it in her eyes. But its almost as if she's too afraid of the consequences that will come if she says it.

At this point, he's wondering if something else is gravely wrong. If Maria hadn't done this out of her own selfish needs, then how the hell had she wound up pregnant with a child that isn't his?

“Babe, I want you to know I’m so sorry. I'm really, really sorry. He's been using the spare key to let himself into our house so he can have sex with me every other night for the past two months. He never uses condoms. He says that he likes to fuck me in our bed, because he knows ‘he's pissing all over your territory’. I have to let him. He says if I don't give him what he wants, he'll make our family court Judge give him full custody of Susan. His Dad has higher up connections, he can get her taken from me.”

She's full on crying now, tears falling before she can catch them. Loud, ugly sobs shake her entire frame until she's a fearful, trembling mess in his arms. Hercules, all of his anger evaporated into guilt and sorrow, squeezes her closer to him and gently rocks the two of them back and forth. Though she doesn't say a name, he automatically knows who this ‘he’ is.

James Reynolds had been her ex-husband, the father of her daughter. An abusive, manipulative, sociopathic rich alcoholic with a ‘God’ complex, he'd stolen Maria’s childhood and made her life hell. She was fourteen and he was twenty-five when her mother signed the consent form to marry her off to him, and he'd taken her off to New York in order to prevent her from having any contact with a world outside his. For years he'd raped, beaten, manipulated and pimped Maria—laughing whenever she threatened to call the cops to escape, because his father was a well-respected judge and his uncle was a police commissioner.

Maria had only managed to get away when he went in on a DUI, and a lawyer at the police station saw her bruised arms while she tried to keep her toddler still. He helped her get a divorce, find a life away from James. That lawyer was also how Hercules had met her.

Now the bastard was back, and not only had he been raping Maria again, he'd gotten her pregnant.

The truth is, Hercules is mad. He's livid, vibrating with rage. One of the main thoughts running on loop in his mind is ‘I'm gonna kill him’. He's well aware of why James was so keen on decimating his girlfriend, his bed, his home. The cowardly bastard made the mistake of lifting a hand to Maria once before when he was around, and Herc had sent him away cowering, with his tail between his legs. He'd humiliated him, and this was James’ payback for it. He also knows the only reason that James was able to pull off something this bold is because he operated under the assurance that Maria  would be too ashamed of what she was being forced to do to say anything. So yeah, even if she weren't his girlfriend and the mother of the stepdaughter, he's furious that the slimy asshole had found a way around Hercules to manipulate, rape and control Maria.

And besides the anger, he feels guilt and grief. Hercules had thought he'd gone to all the extremes to keep his new, little family safe. Had bought Maria new license plates for her car, enrolled Susan in a private charter school, rented a new house, installed a security system, changed their phone numbers twice… hell, he even bought and kept a gun under their bed. He'd tried his hardest to protect her, and still he failed. He had let James get to her and hurt her after he promised that would never happen again.

He knows, however, that there's a time and place for both of these emotions. And right now, he didn't need to express either of them. He needed to be a comfort to Maria, and he needed to help her figure out their next step.

“I know its unbelievable,” Maria continues, after several long minutes of neither of them saying anything, wiping at her nose with the back of her sweater sleeve. Hercules offers her a packet of Kleenex from his pocket. “It sounds like a stretch. But I swear, I have the text messages.”

“When did you realize you were pregnant?” Hercules asks quietly. Grabbing the Kleenex to blow her nose, Maria glances up at the ceiling as though she's thinking. She's still crying, rivers paving tracks down her cheeks but her sobs have at least devolved into little hiccups. Hopefully, she was calming down a little.

“Two weeks ago, I think… I just had a funny feeling so I took the test. Then I skipped work and went to my gynecologist this morning. She says I'm two and a half months along. I did the math on the estimated conception date… you went out of town to open your new location that entire weekend. James was over all three nights. But its gonna be okay, because I scheduled an appointment at the Women's Health Clinic for next week and—”

“Whoa, whoa, wait,” Hercules interrupts, pulling away from their close embrace so that he can look into her eyes. He searches her expression for a twinge of a smile, for her to grin and say ‘gotcha!’. When she doesn't, he tilts his head. “You don't… you're not going to have an abortion, are you?”

“What else is there for me to do, Hercules? I love Susan, I do. She's my sun, my moon and all my stars. But I don't wanna carry another one of his babies. The only kids I ever want to have again are yours.” There's a desperation to her words, almost as if any other option is completely unacceptable in her world. He's aware that its not his body, and whatever decision she makes is ultimately the final one, but he can't help but plead his case.

“Maria, you know I'll support you through anything. Even this. But James won't be a permanent part of your life—if it's the last thing I see to. This is a very permanent decision that could seriously impact your future. And you know the baby will have a good home. I don't care if its not mine biologically, I'll be its father and I'll be a damn good one. And it'll have an amazing big sister and a strong, awe inspiring mother. Can you… can you think about it for me?”

Maria looks down at her hands, reaches up with a tissue to wipe the remnants of the tears from her face. The expression that rests there almost completely shatters Hercules’ heart—or it would, if everything he's heard tonight hadn't already done the trick. She looks so… hopeless. Terrified. Alone. He'd never seen Maria look so broken, so completely worn down.

He doesn't want to push her off the edge. After all, its been a long night and she's been through a lot these past few months.

Hercules takes her hand in his before she can lower it back down to her lap, wrapping his hand around it and bringing her knuckles up to his lips.

“Hey, no matter what happens—I'll still support you, ‘Ria. And I'll always love you. Now, let's go tuck Susie in so we can get some rest.”

Author’s Note: For anyone curious, Susan is 5, Maria is 21, Hercules is 25 and James is 28. Herc and Maria have been together for a year and a half. And yes, James is the biggest douchebag I could make him.

#tw rape #tw dubious consent #tw descriptions of violent abuse #tw abortions #tw abuse #tw violence #hercules mulligan #maria reynolds #maria lewis #hercules mulligan/maria reynolds #hercules mulligan x maria reynolds #marcules #boy do i have a queue for you #an idealism #hamilton #modern hamilton au #hamilton fanfiction #drabble #fanfiction #one shot #ficlet #otp #writing #my writing

[clown-bait]

A Very Monster Christmas (Monster Roommmate AU)NSFW

WHOS READY FOR A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! So while I slack off on the main plot, here’s what happens over christmas for the residents of the Neibolt house. Family members visit and the clown learns how to ice skate. Its a fun festive time for all! Except for the people who died.... (This is a 3part special!)

A VERY MONSTER CHRISTMAS Pt1

Leech and Drac and Leatherface all fell through the door in the early morning of the old well house in a heap carrying bags upon bags of decorations and lights.

“Ok men! Battle stations! Bubba you get the bird to the freezer then help Drac with decor and I shall tackle the tree!”

“Let the festivities begin!” the vampire shouted happily digging out the most gaudy looking decor he could find.

The three broke and began flying around downstairs doing various Christmas themed actions. Pennywise was slowly making his way up the stars from the well cracking his joints and stretching after a long night of terrifying the children of the town.

“Well, well, look who's up early! Good morning to you my little hunter!” he purred making a beeline to his favorite young vampire. He wrapped his arms around his mate and let out a happy growl.

“What cha’ doing?”

“Celebrating the up coming holiday” Leech was struggling to pick up the tree she had picked out for the living room.

“Theres a holiday?” Penny picked up a few of the ornaments she had laid out biting one to see if it was edible.

“Christmas?”

“oh that one were everyone is obsessed with pine trees and worship a bearded man?”

“Yes that one”

“I’m rarely awake for it.”

“Pen? Is this going to be your first traditional christmas” Leech’s eyes lit up.

“You're going to make a big deal out of this aren't you?”

“abso-fucking-lutely” she plopped a santa hat on his head.

“Lucky meee.”

“Plug these lights in will you? Tell me if any aren't working!” she excitedly handed him a tangled mess of small lights.

“Woah we doing Christmas?” Chucky strolled in with a coffee

“Apparently.” the clown grumbled already getting tangled in lights.

“Chucky! Be a dear and put some ornaments up with Pen.”

“Who said I was helping” the clown snarled trying to get the lights off of him.

“I did, you're the only one who can reach the top of the tree Pen. I need your height I'm small and insignificant!”

“flattery will not convince me dear”

“I’ll bake you gingerbread cookies and do that tongue thing you like later” Penny’s eyes flicked to Leech and then the tree.

“Doll, Hand me that red decoration.”

“I’m not helping you get laid anymore.”

Penny snatched the box up himself and began hanging decor while Leech battled with the lights. The pair had made progress though the poor vampire was growing more and more frustrated with the plugs.

“Leech. Hey Leech! Leechie look!” he nudged her excitedly

“Penny I'm busy…”

“Just loooooook!!”

“Fine, what is it?”

She turned to look at Pennywise who was holding a large candy cane ornament over his crotch “What does this remind you of?! eheheheehehehehehheee!”

“PENNY!”

“Aww you don't like it? I dont blame you mines bigger.”

“PENNY PLEASE”

“You should see your face little one!”

“I AM TRYING TO KEEP THIS WHOLESOME”

Five or six more inappropriate jokes later they were almost finished. Leech handed Pennywise the star “Alright this is the last one you put up i want you to do it”

“Why? Is it important?

“You know… I actually have no idea? I think its because decorating is stressful or something.”

Pennywise unceremoniously plopped the star on the top of the tree.

“Ok done I want my reward. Cookies first.”

“Wait one last thing” she handed him a plant with a string attached to it. “Hang this in the doorway.”

“A plant?”

“Don't question it just do it.”

“I don’t understand the significance of this decoration.”

“ok don't move.” the vampire walked over to him under the doorway and beckoned for him to lean down. “Are you going to tell me about the plant now?”

“I figure I’d just show you what to do.”

The clown cocked an eyebrow as Leech traced her thumbs on his cheeks. He seemed to get the idea of what she was about to do and closed his eyes as her cold soft lips pressed into his. Pennywise let out a happy churr. “I like this plant” he growled into her mouth and deepened the kiss his large hand coming up to cradle the back of her head as the other cupped her backside.

“WOOOOH MISTLETOEEEE!” Freddy cheered

“Aww I think its sweet! Look at those two!” Tiff elbowed him hard.

Leech pulled away and turned to Freddy. “Don't worry Kruger you can have a turn with Pen after I'm done with him”

“I'm not kissing the clown.”

Penny made a disgusted face and shook his jingly ruffles Leech laughed and kissed him again. “I’m going to go make your cookies……. Be gentle with him Fred”

A half hour passed Pennywise impatiently popped his head into the kitchen.

“Done yet?”

Leech was sitting with her head in one hand joint shakily held in the other. She was staring at her phone in complete terror. The clown cocked his head and poked her. “Leech” he poked her again. “Leeeeeech!” she turned to stare at him.

“My mom decided to surprise me this year.” her voice was empty.

“And?”

“S-She’s in Bangor…”

Penny’s eyes grew wide.

“Is she coming…..here?”

“Yes. She insisted… I couldn't say no. She….She wants to meet you….”

“Flat meeting. Right now.”

————-

“So mom does not know I am undead nor does she know I live with murderers in a house thats barely still standing.”

“Does she know you're getting stuffed by an inter-dimensional clown every night?” Freddy laughed and leaned back against the couch.

“Freddy I swear to god if you mention anything about that I will peel your dick like a banana and feed the scraps to the cat.” Leech dug her claws into the old table.

“Damn Jingles your girl is kinky as fuck.”

“please don’t go there” Pennywise rubbed his temples

“So what are we going to do about it then?” Tiffany asked

“Pen’s going to help make an illusion that were all normal.”

“You sure you can manage that jingles?” Chucky asked.

“I’m the eater of worlds I can handle it. It’s just one human.”

“We’re so going to have to kill Leech’s mom” Chucky laughed.

“NO ONE IS KILLING MY MOM”

—

The preparations had been made everyone was in their human forms or somewhat. Penny was struggling with the illusion of such a massive scale. Leech could see him in deep concentration she was worried he wasn't going to be able to hold it for long.

“Hey you good?”

“F-FINE I'm good I'm fine” as he said that a section of the upper floor crumbled and fell.

“We’re going to have to kill my mom aren't we…”

Two kids resembling Chucky and Tiffany came charging into the room with rage.

“CLOWN! WHY AM I A CHILD” Chucky screamed.

“Look I'm doing bare minimum here doll.”

“GIVE ME BACK MY BOOBS RIGHT NOW!” Tiff was pissed and brandishing a switchblade.

The two angry children both had knives ready to stab Robert Grey in the face when the door rang.

“SHOW TIME PEOPLE! MURDER WEAPONS AWAY!”

Leech opened the door while fixing Robert’s coat.

“LUCY!”

“MOM!”

The two women embraced. Leech's mom was just like an older version of her but with wide hips a small waist and shoulder length wavy blonde hair. She wore a typical burgundy mom sweater and blouse with the most cliche of mom jeans.

“Oh sweetie I missed you so much!” Leech saw the door behind her crumble a bit and Robert’s eye twitch.

“Missed you too mom! Great to see you! Why don't we get you to your hotel and we can all catch up there!”

“Oh but I want to meet your friends!”

“Well there they are you saw them time to go!”

“Dear, proper introductions please.”

“Ok we got Fred, and Vlad their kids Chucky and Tiffany-“

“WAIT WHAT” Freddy and Dracula both said in unison.

“Go with it-“ Leech growled “Um thats Bubba, my landlord Robert and our cat Churchill is around here somewhere.”

“Lucy, which one is the one you're sleeping with?” her mom whispered.

“Mom!”

“Is he the tall one? He's handsome! Such big hands!” she looked Robert up and down.

“MOM”

“See where you get it from now Leech! Your mom’s a horn dog just like you!” Freddy laughed.

“FREDDY!” Leech roared while her mom awkwardly shook Leatherface’s hand

“She is not a horn-dog!” Robert hissed as the piano started to form cobwebs.

“GUYS!”

“She’s pretty bad Jingles” Chucky elbowed Robert in the leg.

“I……You know what actually yeah, she kinda is. Sorry love, you're a freak.”

“GUYS MOM IS RIGHT HERE!”

“Why do they keep calling you Leech?” Ms. Smith looked over at them.

“UM UH its a long story.” Leech felt a tooth start to grow in her mouth.

“MRS. SMITH NICE TO MEET YOU FINALLY.” paint peeled off the wall behind Robert as he interrupted.

“Its Ms. actually. You must be Robert Gray! My daughter’s handsome new man! She tells me so much about you!”

“Ha ha oh mom” Leech laughed nervously

Robert turned to Leech and as the floors faded. “What did you tell her about me?” he whispered. “We will talk about this later…” Leech hissed.

“Well are you going to show me around?”

A window re-broke somewhere upstairs.

“Lets um lets get dinner! first! I’ll call a cab!”

The old door burst back open “NEPHEW!”

“OH FUCK” Leech screamed in sheer terror. Uncle Penny strolled into the house in full clown gear. Several windows upstairs broke and the walls of the house creaked back to its decayed state.

“Nephew? Is your uncle a circus performer Robert?”

“Weeeeeellll helllooo hot stuff” Uncle Penny slid over to Leech’s mom

“Oh um hello?”  Leech twitched as Uncle Pen got uncomfortably close to her mom who was shocked and confused by the sudden invasion of a clown.

“U-Uncle Penny? C-can I have a word?”

“Sure Leechie I’ll humor ya.”

Freddy began to lose some of his skin and a scar started to form on Chucky’s face. Robert was struggling with holding so many illusions at once.

“Ok look were trying to convince my mom I live a normal happy healthy life so she’ll leave. If you're going to stay you gotta play along.”

“So why do I have to be apart of this?”

“You want a human outsider to know all about our little sanctuary then?”

“You’re the one bringing her here and breaking all the rules”

“She just showed up”

“Yeah and you didn't dispose of her vampire. I swear the only reason I put up with your stupid mistakes is because you're dating my nephew.”

“She’s my mom.”

“Wow my junior sure knows how to pick em’. I’ll give you a pass and play along only because I owe ya for helping me clear out my lair. Also I want a date with Ms. Smith. I'm going to be awake for another 2 years now that its winter and junior cant have all the fun.”

“SHE IS MY MOM”

“And you got her good looks doll-face. I'm starting to see why the twerp is so into ya.”

“UNCLE PEN REALLY?”

“I mean technically were the same being sooo the attraction does make sense.”

“I cant believe were having this discussion.”

Robert walked into the room with a forced smile on his face “Can we please go now? You've abandoned me long enough.”

“Your uncle has a crush on my mom.”

“Well I mean we are the same being….”

“OH MY GOD.”

———————

“Lucy dear you're not eating?”

“I'm fine” she wasn't fine she was starving. She could hear every heart in the room and could smell every blood type. What made matters worse the waitress was a virgin with the sweetest smelling blood and the reddest cheeks. She felt herself salivating beginning to fantasize about sinking her teeth deep into the girls neck. Leech kept thinking about feeling that initial break of the skin and the pop of her favorite vein. It was enough to get the vampire going into a complete frenzy. Robert Gray kicked her under the table when he noticed that her eyes were trained on the woman whenever she walked by. “Hungry dear?” he asked with an evil grin watching the waitress pour his water. “N-not at all.” Gosh those veins are big…. he chuckled. “I don't know you look rather peckish” Leech kicked him back hard.

“He is right dear you look very pale maybe you should eat something” her mother chimed in.

“You know maybe I just need to use the restroom excuse me…” she got up and practically ran to the nearest restroom frantically digging through her bag for her emergency flask. Leech began chugging it in an attempt to keep the hunger at bay. She peeked out and saw Robert casually talking with her mom. It was weird to see him being social. He gave her a golden eye flash and a grin, enjoying seeing her struggle with her true nature, the one he preferred. “Oh dear he is just lovely!” her mom said as she sat down “I’m so glad to see you've finally settled down after the whole Adam thing”

“Settled down?”

“Robert said something about moving in together and sharing the house?”

“Did he now?” she glanced over to the clown in disguise. “We talked about it ONCE but nothing is final. RIGHT DEAR?”

“Ha right guess I’m just excited.” he looked..nervous? She’d have to ask him about this later.

The waitress had come back and Leech’s eyes nearly rolled back into her skull from the smell. especially when she reached over the vampire to grab a menu, giving her the perfect view of her neck. Robert laughed at her as the waitress took orders. “Sir? How would you like your steak?” the creature in disguise smiled wolfishly “Blue. Practically mooing. Also no sides just meat” Leech’s mom gave him a strange look. “And you miss?”

“Um uh I’ll not have anything” except your pretty little heart on my plate.

“You sure dear you look so thin!” her mom placed a hand on her knee in concern.

“I’m sure mom”

“She’s right you know you are looking paler then usual darling maybe you should step out for some air.”

“Later.”

Leech scratched at her wig a bit. The clown was going to torture her about this she just knew it.

————-

When the food arrived Robert made a huge show of eating his steak letting the blood fall off each slice and making sure Leech was watching as he bit into it. She was losing her mind in her seat. Her mom rambled and Robert answered questions coming up with perfect lies. Leech saw a drop of blood on her lovers lips and felt like she was about to go full frenzy. When the waitress came by one more time to take their dessert orders that was when Leech stood up. “I need some fresh air.” she scurried out the back exit into an alleyway.

She poked her head back in looking for the virgin waitress. She needed to feed RIGHT NOW. “See me” she whispered the waitress looked up at her and walked over. Robert was watching the scene with absolute delight. “I dropped my contact can you come help me find it?” she asked hastily. It was a lame lure but Leech was desperate. The girl walked closer to the door. Almost there. “Help me I cant see” Leech’s eyes shined like two tiny moons in the night while a faint churr gurgled in the back of her throat. The door shut behind the waitress “Oh thank fuck” Leech purred and slammed the woman into the wall. She covered the girls mouth to muffle the scream and inhaled her neck flesh deeply. “God you smell so delicious human.” she licked the skin. “I'm going to savor every last drop of this.” Leech threw her own head back and extended her fangs. The poor sweet girl under her screamed and screamed but Leech pressed her hand into her mouth harder till the waitress was biting through it. She dove down and felt that sweet, sweet pop of the skin breaking till she hit what she was looking for. The vampire let the liquid life pour down her throat as she began to moan and growl in sublime satisfaction.

Leech felt a tap on the shoulder as she finished finding Robert standing behind her watching. “My, my, my love! What big teeth you have” he chuckled Leech turned and screeched at him. “Relax its me.” he gently wiped some of the blood off her cheek with a finger tasting it himself. “You've been gone a for a bit mom got worried. See you couldn't restrain yourself.” he pulled her into him “Mind if I have a better taste dear?” Leech nodded, still in a bit of a frenzy and Robert pressed his lips against hers. She brought her hands up to his jaw and ran blood covered fingers against the side of his face. “Mmm you know how I love seeing you at work little hunter.” he groaned into her mouth “You may be sloppy but the passion you put into the kill is irresistible” his eyes flashed yellow in the night. Robert cleaned some of the red off Leech’s neck and face with hot licks and kisses. “Sorry I'm a mess” she panted “I like messes, I get to clean them up” he growled into her ear before he continued to suck the warm blood off her neck. “Shit Pen! If my mom wasn't waiting I’d be begging you to fuck me right now in this alley.”

“We can send her a cab and take the long way home…. then you can watch me at work” the clowns voice had broken through near the end causing Leech to whimper a bit. He chuckled and groped her breast with a huge hand. “You like the clown more than this human don't you dirty girl?”

“Mmmm bet you want to see him hunt and kill again just like when I first tasted you,” he chuckled pressing a hand to her stomach. “how brave of you to approach a hungry monster like that. I could have torn you apart”

“W-why didn't you?”

He kissed her again pushing her into the wall.

“You changed. I should have taken you right then and there.” he snarled. Grinding his hips against her with need.

“Oh fuck Penny~” Leech moaned and he shoved up her dress to rub her pussy.

“Gonna to have to stop this soon or Ol’ Pennywise is going to have you slammed against that wall, screaming my name for all to hear.”

“I’m half tempted to say do it anyway” Leech panted. She was soaking through her leggings from the friction Pennywise/Robert was giving her. The disguised clown chuckled darkly and nipped at the gauges in her ear while gently tearing a hole in her leggings. Leech moaned when she felt his bare fingers make contact with her slick folds. He found her sensitive nub and beginning to rub lazy circles into it. “Look at my dirty girl! Moaning for her clown right next to a warm corpse. Maybe he’ll come out to play with you later if you're good” he began playfully teasing her entrance “My little cold blooded killer.” he chuckled “Just like her mate” Robert shoved a long finger inside of her and began to pump, Leech gasped as he fucked her with his hand. “Fuck Penny that feels so good”

“Do you want more darling?”

“Yes” she panted

“Say it.”

“I want more Pennywise please!”

“That’s my girl. You're always so good for me.”

He pushed another finger into her and quickened his thrusts his animalistic growls breaking through the human disguise he wore. Leech moaned and spread her legs wider for him grinding her hips down onto his hand.  

He stopped and Robert pulled her dress back over her thighs. Leech wined at the loss of him but he put a single finger to her lips and looked to the door.

The restaurant door opened and a familiar looking man poked his head out. “Woaaah junior look at you getting frisky in the back alley after a big meal! Good for you kiddo!”

“You’re in an unusually chipper mood.” Robert growled.

“Well your Uncle Bob here just got himself a nice date with a certain mama vampire.”

“She’s not a vampire” Leech poked her head up from behind Robert’s arm

“Look tell her well be back in a minute I need to hide this body and ….clean” he turned to Leech and smirked “Looks like were going to need to post pone our plans, wanna get dessert with me later?”

“Are you even hungry? I thought you ate all night last night.”

he flashed her a fang filled grin “I can be”

Leech rolled her eyes and kissed him while Uncle Bob shut the door shaking his head.

“Its a date~” she smiled.

--------------------

Part 2 will be out tomorrow! Get ready for ice skating Robert and cute gore fluff!

#pennywise #pennywise the dancing clown #pennywise fanfiction #pennywise x oc #pennywise x reader #it fanfiction #monster roommate au #pennywise smut

[willowslesbidar]

tagged by @jenny-calendar (💖💖💖)

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own, and tag as many people as there are questions.

1. Coke or Pepsi: Coke for sure!

2. Disney or Dreamworks: Disney was my entire childhood omg (fun fact: I did a seven minute speech about the history of Disney once for school)

3. Coffee or tea: Probably coffee? But not like, hardcore, straight up COFFEE. It’s gotta have a good couple tons of sugar/creamer/cinnamon and junk.

4. Books or movie: actually I like movies better! Books are great but the visual and audio components of movies are really interesting to me

5. Windows or Mac: I actually know zip about computers and stuff but I’ll go with mac

6. DC or Marvel: Marvel

7. Xbox or PlayStation: no clue tbh

8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: another thing I know zip about: video games. But dragons are lit though so I’ll go with the first one?

9. Night Owl or Early Riser: probably night owl? I can’t function any earlier than 8:30 in the morning

10. Cards or chess: Cards bc I’m too lazy to learn to play chess

11. Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate for SURE

12. Vans or Converse: I will wear my converses to my grave

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: Cadash is the easiest one to spell so let’s go with that

14. Fluff or angst: fluff! I’m too impatient for slow burns. Cut to the sickeningly adorable goopy stuff

15. Beach or forest: have y'all seen those posts with all the weird fish that live at the bottom of the ocean??? I’m staying on land where I can guarantee that all of my appendages remain visible and attached. (Also the noises of forests are so calming and I love being around plants and trees and stuff)

16. Dogs or cats: yes

17. Clear skies or rain: rain during the day but clear skies at night because I love the stars

18. Cooking or eating out: the last time i tried to make a grilled cheese the spatula caught on fire. eating out.

19. Spicy food or mild food: spicy

20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: there’s more sales during the Christmas season. (also the Christmas spirit and stuff too! And I like the smell of pine)

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little to hot: my school is a literal ice box so by now I’ve been desensitized to cold. Plus, being hot also makes you all sweaty and icky. You can always just pile on more blankets and sweaters if you’re cold!

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be: healing powers of some sort because there’s no way they could backfire in some sort of Carrie-esque incident. Plus I could help a ton of people.

23. Animation or Live Action: if I’m choosing between an animation and it’s live action remake, the original one. But if it’s just an original movie, live action probably?

24. Paragon or Renegade: who??

25. Bath or Showers: baths are so relaxing omg but normally I’m too busy to take one

26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man: I honestly have no opinion on this

27. Fantasy or Sci-Fi: Sci-Fi!! Fantasy is fun and it’s what I grew up on but sci-fi is just so interesting to me!

28. Do you have three or four favorite quotes? If so, what are they:

“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” “I don’t understand it any more than you do, but one thing I’ve learned is that you don’t have to understand things for them to be.” “Music is a world within itself, it’s a language we all understand.” “I would like to be remembered as someone who was not afraid to do what she wanted to do, and as someone who took risks along the way in order to achieve her goals.”

29. YouTube or Netflix: Netflix!

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: Harry Potter for sure!!!

31. When you feel accomplished: when I create something! It doesn’t have to be anything big but to me, the feeling that you’ve made something that no one else can exactly replicate is the best feeling in the world

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: I haven’t actually seen Star Trek!! But I love Star Wars!

33. Paperback books or Hardback books: hardback because I’m so clumsy and messy that all my poor paperbacks get beaten within an inch of their poor, rip-able lives within a month of having them. (yes, i’m a monster. rip.)

34. Handwriting or typing: handwriting! I can’t type for shit!! I do the old “confused elderly man pecking at keyboard like vision-impaired bird” maneuver.

35. Velvet or satin: satin

36. Video games or movies: movies

37. Would you rather be the dragon or own the dragon: own the dragon!

38. Sunrise or sunset: depends on the day of the week! (Aka am I waking up to go to school or waking up to do something fun)

39. What’s your favorite song: currently, it’s Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll by the Killers but I have so many favorite songs throughout the course of a month I can barely keep track

40. Horror Movies yes or no: a resounding HELL NO.

41. Long hair or short hair: short hair because it’s way easier to deal with

42. Opera or theater: theater!

43. Assuming the multiverse theory is true and every story ever told has really happened somewhere, which of the movie/book/tv show/game/etc world’s would you pick to travel to first: the buffyverse if not for the sole purpose of giving Tara Maclay an incredibly well-deserved hug

44. If you had to only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be: it’s gonna sound lame af but probably a salad. why? bc you can put whatever the fuck you want on a salad. As long as it includes some form of leaf, it’s a salad. There are no rules. Fruit on some leaves? Salad. Vegetables on lettuce? Salad. Chicken on kale? Motherfckin salad. So you could get all the nutrients you need and have plenty of diversity in your meals! Yes, I have thought about this a bit too much.

45. What instrument would you like to learn: I play the cello already but I’d love to learn piano!

46. Can you art: sort of? I can draw okay but it’s nothing awesome

47. What’s a practical joke you wish you could pull, but haven’t: I’m too paranoid of hurting someone’s feelings to prank anyone lol

48. What is one social norm you could do away with: oooooohhhh boooooyyyy. i could write a few dozen essays about this one but a big one is probably heteronormativity and I’ll leave it at that.

49. Fluffy or flat pillows: fluffy, but not too fluffy. There’s a perfect level of fluffiness.

50. What’s your favorite book: A Wrinkle in Time bc it was my childhood and third grade me lowkey had a huge crush on Meg

51. Weirdest dream you ever had: I once dreamed that I got into a Walmart brawl with Voldemort over a package of instant pancake mix. Don’t ask.

tagging: There’s no way in hell I’m tagging 51 people but here are some lovely folks! And anyone else who wants to do this should go ahead too bc i can’t tag everybody!!!

@brendaswalshes @waterpoppy @thelatenightstoryteller @faithsummers @anyasbunny @violeades

#tagging meme #long post

[screamingwithlife]

Marcelo’s Journal

(This is extremely NSFW. D/s porn ahoy.)

What I’ll need:

-       Collar -       Lead -       Two clothes pegs -       Clock -       Water  -       Paddle -       Lubrication

 The Room of Requirement gets knocks on its door so often that even though we can’t see the other people in, we know they’re there. And Eph is going to be loud. They’ll hear him.

The same applies for the Astronomy Tower. Plus, we can’t be there nearly as long as I’d like. It’s good for a quick fuck, rough and dirty, which is brilliant and everything but not what this is. This needs to be long, slow, drawn out – and we can’t risk being seen for any of it.

 Therein lies the problem: far too many students wander about the castle during the weekend, and Filch would catch us in the corridors at night. I’ve decided then that the best course of action is to take him out before lights off and come back in the morning.

It’s a long time. I can fill it.

We won’t be going too close to the forest. Right at the edge, there’s a little clearing covered from view by hills, trees and boulders. It’s very sheltered, with very little risk of being seen, and far away from the castle enough that I highly doubt much of anyone will be able to spot us in the dark. Getting there will be the problem, so I’ll have to practice on my own during the evenings. I’ll have to time out exactly when to duck into the Forest to get out of eyeshot from the windows, but that’s entirely doable.

I’ve charmed a simple dog’s collar I bought in Hogsmeade last weekend so it’s got Ravenclaw markings on. I bet I shrank it down right to his size, too – it’ll be slim and elegant, and fit his throat well. I’ll get it on him after supper; he’ll wear it hidden under his tie until an hour before lights out, before Filch and his bloody cat start roaming about in full force, and I’ll take him out a side door towards our little clearing where no one will see. 

The lead took an easy bit of transfiguration, but I won’t miss that belt any. It’ll be put to much better use taking him through the Forest and making him kneel on his own robes when we arrive.

Everything will be so, so slow.

It’ll likely be a little cold at night, so I’ll leave him in his white top and trousers, but no sweater. Those shirt buttons will get opened, though, and that tie will come off. I’ll tie my own over his eyes as a blindfold for him, but set his aside - I’ll need it later. With his shirt open, I’ll use those clothes pegs I got from the laundry on his nipples, just for the fun. Perhaps I’ll flick them gently to watch him flinch. He’ll look lovely like that.

I’ll tell him that for the night, he belongs to me, and only to me. He will say “yes Sir”, and I will tug on his lead (kept short and rolled in my fist) and tell him to repeat the sentence.  “I belong to you, and only to you, Sir,” he’ll say.

We won’t even have begun.

At first I will just lean down for a chaste kiss, but then I’ll flick the pegs on his chest roughly and watch him twitch. I’ll kiss him harder then, biting his lip like I could just devour him. I probably could. I can imagine him arching upwards prettily to meet my lips while he fights not to get up from his kneel, because I will not have told him he could. I’ll let him go roughly, in the middle of his fight; if he stumbles, I can slap him for breaking form.

It’ll take a while. I want to drive him mad.

When I’m finally done, I’ll stand up straight and grab him by the hair, bringing his swollen mouth to my crotch over my trousers. I’ll have to be careful to keep his blindfold on squarely; the poor eager boy loves sucking my cock so much he’ll probably try to reach for it through the fabric, and it might muss up the tie.

“Do you want that?” I’ll ask him quietly, and when he whimpers and says yes, Sir, I’ll make him beg for it. Left hand hand still in his hair, the right one shortening his lead even further, he’ll have to show me how much he wants it, pinned right there in front of me. At least the boy will have his hands free – he won’t have that luxury later in the night.

I’ll leave him pining for it for a while, licking and pawing as much as he can for it through the fabric. We’ll have all the time in the world.

Eventually I’ll let go of his hair so I can get my cock free. I’ll tell him to stick his tongue out, and he will, and I’ll smack that tongue a few times with the cock head. If he tries to close his lips around it, I will slap him again – he’s not allowed to be greedy.

I’ll let him whimper for it until it finally suits me to allow him to begin. “Show me how much you love it,” I’ll tell him. “With your tongue and your hands.” And I’ll get to watch him as he blindly, eagerly sucks my cock, hands cupping my balls, still begging—

I’ll pull sharply at the lead to keep him slow if I need to. I’m going to drag it out, long past the time his jaw aches. I’ll keep an eye on a clock I’ll have set up on one of the boulders, if I have to, to keep us both calm.

A little bit later, I’ll echo the first time we were ever really together, and I’ll just hold him there by the hair and the lead so he can’t move at all, and all at once I’ll just bury my cock in his throat, balls deep. I may just stay there for a while, listening to him try to breathe around it. Listening to him choke. Listening to him splutter.

It’s so brilliant when he does that. Maybe I’ll give him a break every once in a while by pulling back just far enough to allow him a full breath before I thrust back in again.

Maybe his eyes will water from the pressure in his throat. Maybe the pressure will make him cry.

I’ll encourage him if he needs it.

Then, whenever I finally feel like it, I will fuck his throat. It’ll be rough and hard and fast, and he will take it like a good boy, even though his jaw will likely be screaming at him for being held open that long. It will be so, so good. He will be so good. When I come, I will come so deep inside his mouth he won’t even need to swallow.

I’ll clean off his lips and tell him he’s a good boy once I pull out from his mouth and put myself away. He’ll look so beautiful, lips bruised and open.

Slowly, I’ll kneel behind him, my chest pressed to his back, his blindfold still perfectly in place, so all he’ll need to do is feel me. With one hand and some of the lubrication Madam Pomfrey discreetly provides for those who want it, I’ll start to jerk him off, my chin by his shoulder so my other hand can play with the clothes pegs, perhaps, or choke him just enough to hear him wheeze. Perhaps I’ll mark him, and make him mine.

He’ll fall apart under my hands, and gasping, ask respectfully if he can come, and I’ll wait just long enough for him to start to shake before I allow it. Just in time to avoid punishment.

He’ll slump over a little and wonder if it’s over. It won’t be.

I won’t come around to face him, which I might do if the scene were over. I’ll just remove the blindfold from his eyes and set it down while still behind him, then release the clothes pegs, too. His nipples will flush a little, and I intend to notice.

I’ll murmur in his ear asking if he needs water before we can continue. If he does, I’ll gladly bring the glass to his lips myself. I’ll banish the mess he will have made on the robes. I’ll slowly, carefully remove and set aside his shirt, and help him get his shoes, trousers and pants off him, too, until he’s completely naked save for his socks and my collar around his neck. I’ll check in and make sure he’s perfectly all right to go on. And when all that’s done, I will stand again and tell him to bring his arms behind his back.

The rope-summoning charm is much easier than I had anticipated – it’s the knotting that was so complicated to figure out. I have the hang of it now. The ropes will appear and tie his wrists firmly and immovably behind his back, secured all the way up to mid-forearm.  With his arms making that solid of an X, I’ll be able to hold on very firmly while I’m fucking him.

I’ll take both of our ties and stand in front of him so he can watch as I make his gag out of them. The Slytherin tie will be the one that gets rolled tightly into the gag itself, then folded over once to ensure it remains hard to spit out. I won’t say anything as I stuff it into his mouth, or bind it there tightly with the Ravenclaw tie. It should be nearly impossible to move, even were he to try to push it out with his tongue. 

Maybe when I’m done, I’ll kiss his forehead and remind him of what a good boy he is before I stand and surveil my handiwork.

He will be bound, gagged, and naked, kneeling at my feet and at my utter mercy. I may just have to run my fingers over his skin for a while, circling him. He is a vision like that, I just know it.

I’ll take the end of the lead and jerk him downwards, so he has to press his cheek into the robes spread out over the ground, leaving his perfect arse pointing up towards the sky. There’s a little sapling right there I intend to be able to tie the lead to.

I’ll make him repeat his safe hand signal for me in this position. Just in case.

Then I will take out the paddle. I’ve reshaped it with a little clever spellwork from something the kitchens won’t miss – it used to be a light wooden cutting board with a handle, but now it’s thinner, leaner, and the perfect weight for turning his arse pink.

 “You haven’t been bad, boy,” I’ll tell him, running the paddle over his pale skin. “This is just for fun. Enjoy it.” And then I will start to spank him. I’ll begin slowly and fairly lightly, letting him relax into it, but soon the blows will come harder and faster, enough to make him shake. I want him to try to scream into that gag – we’ll be sheltered by enough sound-muffling trees and foliage that his cries shouldn’t go far. I’ll watch his skin begin to glow, and I won’t let up until I am done. I just want his arse to turn red before I fuck it. 

When I’m ready, I’ll set the paddle down and kneel behind him. With the lube to help, I’ll start by pressing one finger inside, crooked immediately to find that one spot which will make him cry out. 

“Do you want me inside you, boy?” I will whisper to him, and he will fight to get “Yes, Sir” past the gag. As I press a second finger in, spreading them to help him relax, I’ll ask, “what do you want?” again, just to hear him moan and shiver and try to say “I want you inside me, Sir, I want your cock inside me”. And I’ll pretend I couldn’t hear him as I fuck him firmly with my fingers, and he’ll find it so hard to keep together as he practically yells into the gag, “I want you inside me, Sir, please!” and—

Well. I love begging. But I will rush nothing.

He’ll tremble and cry out again as I press in the third finger, relaxing him and opening him up for me. He will want it, and want it so badly, I can only imagine.

In time he will be able to sigh enough, relax enough that he’ll be ready for me. I’ll free my cock again, and maybe stroke it a few times just looking at him there, offered up to me.

Then I will lube up and align myself behind him, spreading his knees roughly with mine, and put a hand on his hip, head of my cock to his hole.

One more time, I think, I’ll make him beg for it. And In the middle of his pleas for my cock, I will press into him, so his muffled words turn completely senseless as I slide inside. I’ll watch his face as I move, and freeze if ever he winces, but however long it takes, I will be buried in him to the hilt.

I can only imagine what that will be like. I’ve imagined it already, countless times.  It can’t be too different from girls, can it?

But he is. He is different. I think it must be so tight and so warm and so sweet that I won’t even really be able to adequately describe it once I’ve been there.

I cannot wait to be inside him.

With one hand digging into his hip and the other wrapping around his bound wrists as though I could steer him, I will start to move in and out, listening to his moans. The lube should make it easy. I’ll go slowly at first, so I can get used to it as much as he, if I’m honest. Then my thrusts will get longer, then deeper, and I will start to fuck him in earnest.

 I hope he moans. I hope he screams. I hope the gag muffles cries I will never understand through the material, cries I won’t be focused on when all my attention is on how good he feels. I hope I hit his prostate right away, so I can watch him shiver and love it, and so I can hit it over and over, and he unravels underneath me.

I hope I hear him say “thank you, Sir” as I fuck him.

Eventually, to slow things down and stretch the time until dawn, I will pull out and switch positions so he is on top of me, and he has to impale himself on my cock from above. I will guide him. I want to see his expression as he works hard for my enjoyment.

Eventually I will grab his arse on either side and slam my hips up into him hard enough to make him buck and cry out. Once I set a rhythm, my right hand will start to stroke his cock in time. I will watch him as he starts to get more and more breathless and closer and closer to his edge.

I want him to come like that, split open by my cock and with my hands all over him when he begs through the cloth to be allowed to orgasm for the second time. And I’ll let him right away, because it will be out first time together and I will be generous. I’ll get to watch his face as he comes with me deep inside him.  

He’s such a good boy.

 I’ll have to banish his mess again as I pull him off me and roll him over one last time, onto his back (and his wrists) so his chest has to arch prettily to accommodate the bonds. I want him badly.

I will spread his legs high and wide in the air and slide in all at once, holding him behind the knees so I can fuck him hard into the ground. The robes we’ll be on will bunch around us with the intensity of it. I will watch him under me, flushed in the cheeks as his whole body bucks with my thrusts.

The way he looks in my mind as I fuck him like that is indescribable. In my mind’s eye he is completely open to me, spread to allow me in. He gives everything to me. With each thrust he’s screaming pleasure into the gag, and with each thrust I claim him as mine, and he is so lovely that I finish inside of him with a cry of my own.

When I finally pull out, we will be within a few hours from dawn. I’ll banish his bonds, but they will leave taught marks around his wrists I will feel the need to caress. I’ll undo the gag and set both Ravenclaw and Slytherin ties aside, and then spread my own robes over our bodies to cover us against the cool night air.

“Scene’s over, baby,” I will whisper, and bring him close to me. I’ll stroke his hair, and warm him up, and offer him water again, and ask him how he feels. I will wait there, wrapped around him, until dawn starts to crack over the horizon. 

He’ll be lying limp against me, I imagine. Without disturbing him too much, I will unwrap the lead from the sapling, detach it from the collar, and quietly unlock the collar itself to pack it all away. 

We’ll need to keep close until he can begin to come back to me, of course. That may take a while. When his eyes begin to focus again, I’ll still have to help him dress, because even then he won’t really be present. We’ll just kiss softly, and my hands will spend a lot of time in his hair in between putting on his clothes. He likes that.

I believe it may take quite a long time to get him cleaned up and decent, actually. It may be the hardest part, if I’m honest; both of us will want nothing more than just to fall asleep together by then, I suspect, but we will have to clean up and get back into the castle first. It’s a remarkably big task.

I’ll have to maintain contact with him as much as possible while I pack everything back into my rucksack so I can sling it over my shoulder. Once his robes are on over his clothing, I’ll throw mine over his shoulders as well to keep him warm. If he needs me to, I will pick him up gingerly and carry him back up to the castle myself.

 It’ll take a while to get there, but by the time we arrive at the Entrance Hall, it will be the shadow of morning. While almost no one will be awake, the ban on students roaming the corridors will be lifted, and we will be able to go together up the stairs to the Ravenclaw Common Room.

He will not sleep in a cold dungeon that day. He will sleep with me, little spoon to my bigger one, in my airy dorm room, behind the curtains of my bed. We will rest as long as we need.

When we finally wake, I’ll take him to the Prefect’s Bath again and help him wash. Maybe then, when I’m washing his hair, he’ll finally come out of it. His eyes will finally really see me again, and he’ll smile.

It’s the perfect plan.

#verse; contentum #char; marcelo araya #char; ephram fawley #pairing; marceph #!nsfw #!writing #!mine

[jinxedncharmed]

Back home after Thanksgiving at my sister’s place. It was fairly tolerable, but boy does Sis have issues. She throws pity parties daily and is always “poor me, I have no friends, I hate my job, my daughter doesn’t love me, woe woe woe.” She’s insufferable.

The breaking point came Thursday night when I made an ugly comment about her dog. It’s one of those tiny, nasty Chihuahua mixes, and it hates Niece. It snarls and growls whenever she comes near. Now, because my sister is a terrible mom, she not only keeps that animal but clearly favors it. Sis is one sick fuck.

So the damn dog growls and lunges at Niece, snatching a half eaten roll from her hand. Niece just laughs and keeps walking, but I am aghast, so I say something like, “Why do you keep that thing around?” I mean, if it was me, the first time that dog growled at Niece, I’d dropkick it in to oblivion.

Sis goes off on my “incredibly personal insult” and sobbingly declares, “This dog is all I have!”

And I just want to roundhouse kick her in the face, because, excuse me? Here we are to celebrate a holiday in your beautiful home, playing with your amazing daughter, eating a delicious dinner before your husband goes to work at his fulltime, secure job with benefits. And that gross rat-faced dog is “all you have?”

So Mom goes off on her and I quickly exit the scene, although later Mom also admonishes me, which I think is wrong and unfair, but hey, story of my life. I am always to blame for Sis’s dysfunctional sensitivity and insecurity.

The dog could have BIT that baby. But yeah, no, I’m the bad guy. Fucking shit.

So Sis has serious mental issues, and she’s going to totally fuck up Niece, and I can’t do anything about it. It is so sad. But I am not responsible for Sis and her choices. Her life is her life. I am not going to carry her.

Anyway. Really, aside from that, it was an ok visit. Dad mostly behaved, and I mostly behaved. We decorated the outside of the house (Sis did not, because she’s a lazy fat fuck). We had lots of food, but I think I did ok, eating wise. Mom felt the need to point out everything BIL ate, which was a shit ton of food. Yes, Mom, I know he is also a disgusting fat slob. Yes, if he keeps eating that way, he won’t live to be 30. We can only hope!

And I had lots of fun with Niece. We played with play dough, colored, and ran laps around the house, with me sometimes chasing her, and her sometimes chasing me. She is still very interested in books and balls, and I can get her to count to five. She also really likes puzzles, and we played with her big push car outside when it was warm.

It was fun, and she is cute. But, she is a toddler, so there were some temper tantrums. She’s willful and it’s hard to get her to eat. She was obsessed with the cupcakes Mom brought for my birthday, and threw a huge tantrum on Friday night because she wanted (another) one. I was horrified, watching her roll on the floor and throw things, but Mom just laughed.

“Listen to that fake cry!” she said. “So fake.”

“I can’t tell. How do you know she hasn’t hurt herself?”

“Her cries all sound different. This one is very fake.”

And sure enough, her fit stopped, and her face wasn’t red and her eyes weren’t wet. She just looked pouty, and Mom cackled. “See? You little faker! This isn’t my first rodeo, you can’t fool me.”

So although I really had fun playing with Niece, I realized that I am absolutely, 100 percent, completely totally unabashedly certain I do not want kids, ever. I just can’t handle it. The kid absolutely consumes your life and dominates all of your attention. She rules the roost. Every doorway has a baby gate. You can’t use half the kitchen, because every cabinet and drawer within her reach must be kept empty or baby proofed. The beautiful built-in bookshelves in the den are covered in chickenwire, else she pulls everything off the shelves. She controls everything on the TV. And you just have to watch her so closely, and do everything for her. Endless laundry, endless baths, endless cleaning, endless cooking. And she supplies endless noise, endless messes, endless energy, endless drama. I watched my mom nimbly take up Thanksgiving dinner, dancing around Niece who ran under her feet the entire time. I watched Niece kick Mom in the face during a diaper change. I watched Niece throw her plate of mac and cheese against the wall and scream.

There is no way I want that. Ever. No man on this planet could convince me to have a kid. Nothing is ever going to change my mind.

Yeah, Niece gave me sweet smiles and hugs. Her giggle is incredible. Watching her intently focus on her puzzle pieces is amazing. And when she cuddles with Mom on the couch to watch a movie, Mom looks so content, so happy.

But no. No way. That is not the life choice for me. If you want kids, have them. But my uterus is not available. My tits are for show, not work. My home is exactly the way I want it, and I won’t change it for others. My life is mine and no one else’s.

So yeah. Typical holiday.

Traffic was atrocious coming home; it poured rain across the entire state for the full seven hours. But it was a relief to be home in my quiet space with my cats and my books and my bed.

Tomorrow, back to work, bleh. I have random odds and ends I need to do, bits and pieces of in progress projects that are held up by others. It will be nice, though, to see MC, and I hope M is in a better mood.

Tonorrow night, and next Monday night too, I have a ticket for an informal lecture as part of this series Profs and Pints. It’s at a bar in Dupont, so I will metro in to the city and walk a few blocks. I am trying to go out, to do things. I don’t know if I will manage to talk to people, but I am going to give it a try. Tomorrow’s subject is race and evolution.

Tuesday is my birthday. Blargh, whatever. I told M I don’t want to do anything. Secretly I hope MC remembers, although he won’t. My Idiot Boss’s birthday is the day after mine, so I am sure she will come over and blather about it. I don’t want anyone to acknowledge it, just him! Last year he was the only one who knew for some reason (a list of everyone’s birthdays is in the kitchen, but I don’t know what prompted him to look at it), and he came over to where I was sitting–I had stupidly been moved to the other quad for a few weeks so I wasn’t with my team–and he asked, quietly, “Is today your birthday?” When I said yes he said, “Happy birthday,” all softly and earnestly, and he winked, and I swooned and came a little, because I am that tightly wound.

Where was I going with this?

Anyway, Sis gave me a lovely photo collage of Niece reading. Dad gave me $500, which I will put toward Iceland debt, or Christmas, or maybe Peru. (Peru is in jeopardy but I don’t want to discuss that right now.) He also gave me an ugly Christmas sweater with a cat on it, which I found quite funny and will legit wear to work. Mom forgot her gift and was very upset about it, though I assured her it didn’t matter and she could mail it later.

32. Getting to be an old maid.

So yeah, there’s a fairly complete update of life right now. I may take a nap now, just because I can.