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#point being. i know there’s probably some sort of logic to this numbers thing. but it’s still a confusing system
goldensunset · 3 months
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amazes me that people can remember information about routes in pokémon games. like ‘i loooove route 217 ❤️’ ‘route 209 has such a banger theme!!!’ ‘have you made it to route 225?’ ‘you can find this rare pokémon on route 210!’ bestie those are numbers. those are just numbers to me how do you remember which area is which. i think i have a general idea of most of them but i still have to look them up every time i need to refer to them in conversation
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catsteinbooks · 7 months
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The Thin Dark Duke of Hell
Haven't actually written a meta before, but I've been mulling this around in my head, so here's my take on why I think Crowley is likely to be a Duke of Hell in season 3.
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Reason 1: it makes narrative sense
From a story-telling perspective, it's the logical starting place for season 3. Especially if we consider how the original idea was developed as a sequel to the book.
There's no body-swap in the book. Neither Aziraphale nor Crowley has heard from "their sides" at the end, so technically they're still connected to Heaven and Hell. They haven't been punished or kicked out. They even speculate that maybe everyone will just pretend it didn't happen.
And now we're approaching the Second Coming. The Big One. "All of us against all of them." Where are our heroes? Well, time has passed, things have happened. It's reasonable to think that maybe they've both been promoted. (Crowley, in particular, is often getting promotions, usually for things he didn't do.) And story-wise, they're set up as opposite numbers, so it makes sense that their positions as the sequel story begins will be of similar status.
Applying this concept to the screen version, we know Aziraphale has been offered the Supreme Archangel position. Therefore, if Crowley is to be his counterpart, he has to have a high rank in Hell. And there's a Duke of Hell opening to be filled. (Sorry, Shax, I think Crowley's going to snatch it out from under you.)
Reason 2: it fits Crowley's character
"What?!" you shout. "Crowley hates Hell! He turned them down! He doesn't want to go back!"
Correct. He doesn't. But he will if he thinks he needs to. Because he and Aziraphale have a huge, defining commonality: they love Earth and Humanity and don't want it to be destroyed.
Yeah, Crowley will probably wallow for a while. He deserves some time to get insanely drunk and cry. Sort of like he did when he thought Aziraphale was dead in season 1. But the thing is, Crowley always comes back. He's always ready to run. He always threatens to run. He hops in his car and drives somewhere. But he never actually leaves. Because there's no point in going away somewhere without Aziraphale. And that hasn't changed. If Crowley ran away now, he'd still be miserable, but without any music or whisky or his Bentley. It would be... pointless.
So what's a heartbroken, grieving, furious demon to do? Vent his pain in the best possible way: thwarting everyone and everything who hurt him and took away the angel he adores. He knows what Heaven is planning, because he saw it in Gabriel's file. He doesn't want Earth destroyed, he doesn't want Heaven or Hell to win. And he has an opportunity to sabotage the whole thing from the inside.
Which leads us to...
Reason 3: Crowley has a way into Hell already
There is a great meta here about Crowley's conversation with Beelzebub in Hell and its potential season 3 impact. The TL;DR version is: Crowley DID technically find Gabriel, and Beelzebub promised him anything he wanted (including being a Duke of Hell) in return.
Is it a somewhat dubious contract? Sure. Would that stop Crowley? *snort laugh* The demon who makes up legal clauses on the spot to save humans is well-equipped to argue his way into Hell's highest position in order to save the entire world. It's probably much easier than driving a flaming Bentley all the way to Tadfield.
So where does this leave us?
Aziraphale is up in Heaven, ready to burn it to the ground. You saw him when the Metatron mentioned the Second Coming. That was not a happy angel ready to do what he's told. And, frankly, Aziraphale is not actually capable of doing what he's told IMO. No matter how much he tries to follow the good/evil dynamic, he ultimately ends up choosing what is Right over what is Good.
Crowley in Hell would be doing the same kind of thing, albeit in a more subtle, sneaky way. After all, he spent 6000 years thwarting Hell all over the place and getting away with it the vast majority of the time. He knows how to mess with them. (And can you just imagine what would happen when demons like Eric asked him questions and he answered them?! He could gather his own little army with one Suggestion Box.)
So when shit hits the fan, as it inevitably will, we'll be left with both our ineffable heroes (gn) poised to do the exact same thing: destroy the machine from the inside.
Even if some of the other fan speculations prove true (memory wipes, for instance), I think it still makes narrative sense to have them both in equal-but-opposite positions. Because no matter how much the enemies are trying to mess with them, if you take a certain angel with an opportunity to fuck up Heaven and a certain demon with an opportunity to fuck up Hell and you bring them together (which, let's be honest, has to happen no matter what the storyline is), it's going to be pretty darn epic.
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comicaurora · 1 year
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(this ask is based on the, I'm not sure if unfounded, assumption that at least 1/6(?) main crew members has some sort of non-ace/aro attraction): How do you write allo characters as an aro person? I'm one of those annoying allos who's *hyper-romantic* and working on hypersexuality for my own health, so I color most of my writing with that and struggle to write ace people. I know a lot of writers can distance themselves more. I guess I'm just curious how you inspire your characters to act socially outside of the way that you interact, specifically in terms of romanti/sexual relationships. I'm pretty good at getting my characters to engage with the world outside of my way of doing it until it comes to romance.
It's… tough, and I'm working on it. I still need to remind myself that a lot of people legitimately do experience sexual attraction and thus find certain other people in certain situations extremely physically appealing, in contrast to my own platonic attraction (the people I like, I typically like the same amount no matter what they're doing or how they look) or aesthetic attraction (when I like how someone looks in a specific situation, it is still in an extremely hands-off "I'd like to draw that" way).
I can work my way through the logic of romance, I think. I've been told that it doesn't feel the same as friendship, and that it places another person in a somewhat uniquely structural role for one's life. I've heard it described as being someone's "everything-team" - the person they want by their side at any endeavor - which is the only thing I've ever heard about romance that I don't think applies to a good percentage of my IRL friendships.
Romantic attraction is definitely the more confusing one, because everyone I know in a romantic relationship insists it's different than their platonic ones, but can't really explain why or how, only that it is. The thing is, this makes me believe them more. I know how hard it is to explain a unique inner experience to someone who has a completely different one. Their partner is their best friend, or at least top three (understandable) and also in a unique position in their life (confusion??) I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, and I think I love my friends as much as I'm capable of, and there are people I'm friends with who I could see as a theoretical partner - except that it would change absolutely nothing about our current relationship. This is why I don't identify with the label of "aromantic" where I definitely do with "asexual", because I think I experience what people are talking about, I just feel it kinda everywhere instead of nowhere.
So the hack I think I can make work to do this in my writing is:
Sexual attraction is like aesthetic attraction, but with a hands-on component. Replace "I want to draw that" with "I want to get my hands on that" and go from there.
Romantic attraction is evidently its own beast, but it contains concepts like "I trust this person implicitly," "I care about them and want them to be happy," "I would be happy coming home to this person," "I want to protect them," "I like that they care about me," and "this person helps me see the world in a different way" which are all individual sentiments I understand, even if I personally feel them about a large number of people rather than a single Special Someone. Point them at a single Someone and have the two characters involved act accordingly, and I can probably pull a romance out of it.
Like all writing-an-alien-situation stuff, it mostly pays to identify the specific details that correlate to things you DO understand and then extrapolate from there. Or you can fake it and black-box their motivations and be like "here's where I'd put their sexual attraction to each other if I had one"
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denimini · 7 months
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What is going on with Jimin, Jungkook and Jikook?
Warning: long post
I've been a BTS fan since early 2017. Back in the day, I ran this blog here, analyzing a lot of Jikook moments, but life sort of took over, and I stopped having the time for it. However, I never stopped being a fan and observing BTS and Jikook through the years. There's a lot said and written already about the supposed video of JK, but here are my two cents.
To me, the most logical explanation for that video is that this really is Jungkook. The layout of the apartment matches (yes, even the position of the security system, if you have ever watched JKs lives, you'd know that it actually is at his shoulder height, just like in the video), the dog looks like Bam, the couch is the same and this definitely looks like JK. There's also another video of the man in this apartment, alone, shirtless, and having a whole tattoo sleeve on his right arm just like JK. Obviously, we don't know for sure, but it looks like it's him. People say it was filmed in late Feb, early March, and I agree. JK had the same hair then, the outfits look warm, like winter clothes and not to forget, that when JK was stalked in his gym (late of February) there were a lot of fuss about a girl being there with him, so it all checks out in my book.
Now, what the video shows isn't that scandalous. A boy hugging a girl from behind and them playfighting/tickling each other or whatever. It isn't overly explicit. It could mean a lot of things, but it's clear the people are at the very least physically comfortable with each other. It's a short video. We don't know if they're even alone, but it looks like it. There are a number of possibilities for whom this person is to JK: a long-time girlfriend, a casual hook-up, a one night stand, or just a friend.
We'll probably never know for sure. What we do know is that this is an unacceptable invasion of privacy, and the person who took those videos should be sued for all they are worth. I hope we all agree on that, yes?
Now, if this girl is someone JK is dating/has dated/has slept with, where does that leave his and JM's relationship?
In my eyes, as someone who's observed them for literal years now, there's no way JM and JK have always had a strictly platonic relationship. Too much just doesn't add up. Sure, technically, they could be bestest friends with great chemistry, but as someone who is now 30 years old, I don't think I've seen this type of chemistry between people ever be just platonic. At times, it looked too much like sexual tension for it to easily be dubbed as "friendly".
My theory is this (keep in mind these are still just assumptions):
In 2017-2020, pre-Covid era, JM and JK spent A LOT of time together, basically all of it. BTS were super active, they didn't have any breaks. They were always working. Always on tour and doing smth else. JM and JK were pretty young back then (20-24) and this is typically the time when someone discovers their sexuality and starts experimenting, and I believe that at some point they did this together. They were best friends but also had this weird tension and air around them and I think they could've started a physical relationship back then. The members teasing them hear and there about being a couple, also kind of supports this, though of course, it doesn't prove anything.
Contrary to other people, I don't belive they only just fucked. It's very hard to have sex with someone who you are very close to otherwise, who you love and admire as a person, and not catch romantic feelings for them, so I think they did more than fucking. Whether they had a serious relationship or decided not to label it much, due to MS coming up, the group being in jeopardy or other reasons, I tend to think that other than sex, they also had feelings.
Side note: In any case, they were figuring thinks out about themselves as individuals, as well as a pair. I think maybe this is the time JM realized he is definitely bisexual (which he proudly expressed in his photobook of last year in my opinion). Idk what Jk figured out for himself, if anything.
Anyhow, by 2020‐2021 it seemed they had some sort of agreement about what/who they were to each other. At times they could have been on and off. There might have been other people/partners in-between, but I think they were mainly together by this point. It even looked like they lived together for some time. The fact they always took the same car and they were together on JKs birthday night when they first had number 1 on hot 100 sort of proves it. JM's birthday live in 2021 was also sus af (the way he was blushing while mentioning JK and their whole convos, very sus).
I think before Covid they had smth somewhat stable but then Covid hit. Their schedules changed, it was a tough period overall. Suddenly, they were not working and traveling so much, they were staying in SK. I think this was the time things started getting much more real and different. MS was also in the near horizon. Maybe one of them wanted a more committed relationship, and the other wasn't ready. Maybe they were both afraid. Maybe they tried and it didn't really work out. Maybe one finally realized his sexuality and the other had doubs. Whatever it was, the feelings of affection were still there. Chemistry as well. Proof: JM bday live in 2021 was just crazy, the way he blushed when JK was mentioned and the way the spoke to each other... man. Also, the way the were at PTD L.A. The way JK answered questions about JM etc.
So , all that connected them as people was still there, but I think their relationship come late 2021-early 2022 was definitely more unstable. Who knows what happened then. Personally, I don't believe in the theory that they opened their relationship, rather I believe by the second half of 2022, due to whatever reasons, things were simple mostly off between them. I believe they stayed this way all through the second half of the year and at least the first 4 months of 2023. They were friends, their families still loved and supported each other (JK's mom made seaweed soup for JM's bday, which one does for family) but that's about it. They weren't living together anymore, as well.
The beginning of 2023 we saw a very busy JM and a very not busy JK. Sure, they still commented on their welives but it seemed they didn't meet each other that often. Jm was working, JK was at home and occasionally with Tae. Yeah, JK watched a lot of JM content and often invited him over, but he also didn't know when his promotions will be over and it seemed they haven't seen each other for some time and JK was missing JM. I think if they truly were a serious couple back then, they would still have found the time to meet each other no matter how busy one or the other was, especially considering they live in the same city, and it wasnt the case. I don't think JK would have to resort to watching hours of JM's content just to satisfy his need-for-JM thirst, if they were a couple back then.
So, yeah, I think they were not more than friends by this point, for sure, which also ties up pretty well with the timing of the recent leaked video (February-March). To me it seems that JK and JM probably saw other people in that period, at least JK, JM was pretty damn busy then. Maybe they had some serious partners even, maybe just hook-ups here and there. Maybe this was JK's time to explore more of his heterosexual side, who knows. I don't think he stopped caring for JM in some capacity. In fact it kind of looked like he longed for his company but for one reason or another, they were simply not that much in each other's lives in the first quarter of 2023.
But then something weird happened around June-July. First JM is all scratched up from something (presumably Bam) indicating he saw JK and spent time with him. Then Seven came out and JM flew to NY. There they spend a long, fun weekend amid promotions. It wasn't a secret but they seemed to want to keep private and didn't really want to talk about it , judging by the way JK answered the question about JM being in NY as well. JM was practically silent. Then they returned and that welive happened. The one where they openly flirted, JM said he could handle JK naked, JK blushed like a school girl and tried everything in his power to get to JM but JM said "I'm not that easy". That welive. Idk about you, but that welive didn't seem platonic to me at all and if I had been JK's partner at the time, I would definitely be very angry with his behaviour. I don't think JK is disrespectful and a cheater, and neither is JM for that matter, so I believe there's no way any of them had a partner when that welive happened. I simply refuse to belive they are that type of people.
So, my conclusion is they were both single then and something definitely happend in July and NY. They returned somewhat different and they still kind of are. Jk posted pics of NY to Twitter for the first time. Jm shared a pic from then for JKs bday (shirtless, as we all know) and then recently another pic from a boat that could have been from back then, as well. The whole way they're acting offline and online strangely reminds me a lot of the time after their trip to Tokyo, actually. The way JM has been posting about JK very much give me nostalgia about the way he used to post Jikook often in 2017-2018 before he withdrew from social media. But maybe that's just me 🤷‍♀️
Anyway, to finish this long post I will say this. I don't know what Jikook were and are to each other and unless, it is explicitly denied the person in the video is JK, I will believe that it's him. But also, unless it is confirmed he currently has a girlfriend, I will have my doubts. The video is old and in any case, it doesn't prove much other than the fact JK is maybe into women (solely or also into them). This video though doesn't automatically negate everything I've seen between Jikook through the years. In some ways, it confirms what I've been thinking for a long time now. Unless JM and JK personally shut down any rumors about them and deny any romantic connection or confirm a relationship with someone else , I still believe that at some point in their lived their relationship crossed the platonic line.
Whether that was in the past or is currently true, I only can guess, but to me there's no way these two were always, all these years, just only friends.
For now, I will observe how JK, JM and Hybe are acting after the leaked videos and go from there. It will also be indicative.
Peace.
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sinfulequity · 9 months
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Swing and...A miss!
Mikoto’s door is finally here!
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Along with the announcement of his cover song and his voice drama name; how fun~
Now onto actually analyzing this thing lmao (Gunsli/Archivalofsins and I both worked really hard on structuring and formatting this thing)
TL;DR- Neoplasm is a fitting evolution from John Doe for both personalities within Mikoto. It is fitting for the one we’re familiar with due to the abrupt change in perception and the one we found out about afterwards because they are becoming more active/growing more defined as Milgram progresses. There are a lot of horror elements involved in Mikoto’s song and previous mv that both of us are excited to see elaborated on in Double. The door is likely based on some sort of operating room and the lettering of the song title in English is probably referring to division.
I.            The Title
Firstly, I want to go over how the title is formatted in English! Initially I was thinking of it in writing terms (i.e. how parentheses are used to add clarifying information to a sentence).
A parenthesis is a word, phrase, or clause inserted into a sentence as an explanation or afterthought. When a parenthesis is removed, the surrounding text is still grammatically sound. A parenthesis is usually offset with parentheses (i.e., round brackets), commas, or dashes. These are called parenthetical punctuation marks. A parenthesis is sometimes called an "interrupter" as it interrupts the flow of text.
Examples of them are:
·         Andrew Jacklin (last year's losing finalist) is expected to win this heat.
·         The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. (Journalist HL Mencken)
When parentheses (round brackets) are used to offset a parenthesis, the parenthesis is easily seen. However, some writers feel that parentheses can make formal texts look unorganized.
There are more links above, outside of the meaning, usage and formatting of parenthesis. If you’re interested, you can go through it all to see the way that grammar and formatting can help explain/emphasize a point! Being informed on this, at the very least, will be helpful for those that wish to more critically engage with and analyze written media.
Applying this logic to the English title of Mikoto’s second trial song, further emphasizes Mikoto being MeMe. As it can literally be read as Double I’m MeMe. Due to the lack of punctuation, this can be interpreted as both a statement and a question.
Something alluded to by Mikoto’s expression. However, this isn’t the only way it can be read!
We’ve had addition,
“Clothes Food Shelter + Love and Miss.”
We’ve had subtraction,
“Loving Affection (minus) Love, it’s tacky, this two-way deceit.” (Also, another effective use of parentheses.)
Now get ready for-
Division
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Yep, the way I’m (MeMe) is written should be familiar to anyone who knows basic Algebra. Because this is exactly how basic division problems are shortened within that form of math and others.
Some examples,
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This serves to follow up on what we were told within MeMe,
“Split in half, make that heart beat.”
Since that’s exactly what division is all about
“Division is a mathematical operation which involves the separating of an amount into equal-sized groups.”
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Regardless of the outcome it will always be balanced and through recombining those groups will equal the whole. This is why any single number divided by itself equals one because it is equally distributed down. This is why uneven numbers when divided usually have solutions that are not integers as well. The exception being when they’re divided by themselves or by 1.
The point of division is breaking something down into equal parts that can be put back together to get the number you divided by.
For example,
7/2=3.5
89/2=44.5
In either scenario if one were to add this number to itself (essentially combining the two halves) it would make the number that was divided. Add forty-four point five to forty-four point five, to get eighty-nine and three point five to three point five to get seven.
Division is all about figuring out what number added to itself as many times as the number it is being divided by will equal out to the number that is being divided. So, in the case of our first two examples where we are dividing by two doubling the number we get will equal out to what we divided.
A more on topic example would be dividing Mikoto’s prisoner number by two.
9/2= 4.5
Ultimately, this would just be another way of stating something we know about Mikoto already. That he is the ninth prisoner within Milgram.
Let’s use Mikoto’s prisoner number in another division example,
9/3= 3
In multiplication three multiplied by itself equals nine, as many know. However, that doesn’t equate to three overall but three groups of three. Basically being,
3+3+3= 9
Only serving to further reiterate to us that Mikoto is the ninth prisoner overall. That’s just how math works. Now that we’ve gone over some rather basic math; what does the way they chose to organize the lettering on Mikoto’s second trial cd tell us?
Under this framing it could be read as Double I’m/(MeMe) or Double I’m divided by MeMe.
This could reflect that Mikoto’s current state of being is separated into these parts. Stating that these are the parts that make up I’m. Or to put it in math terms again I’m/(MeMe)= Y(X).
Get it because his first trial song quote is,
“Why?”
Also, because the solution, just like punctuation, isn’t here within the title. Something that further emphasizes this lyric in MeMe,
“Why, hey why, I’m nowhere to be found.”
In this case, the two me’s would be making up the I’m while being a source of division for it.
This way of reading it may allude to a disagreement between these two parts or just imply that both these parts are getting in the way of discovering “I’m” in some way breaking their overall sense of self down.
This is something, that has also been illustrated in Yamanaka’s tweet regarding the voice drama,
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Which roughly translates to,
“I (ore) did it. I (boku) didn’t do it! You saw it through Milgram! What do you think?”
All this implies that we will more than likely be seeing Mikoto/and the other face this aspect of themselves along with the concept of identity in some way.
II.            The Door & Speculations on the Voice Drama Snippet
When it comes to Mikoto’s door, Gunsli and I couldn’t really agree on what it was. At first glance I thought it was an elevator door and she thought it was a train door. However, the door opens outwards while noticeably not being broken in any way that would force it to do so, illustrating that this door has hinges.
Meaning that both beliefs are incorrect.
Train doors also don’t have this on top,
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This digital prompter is why I initially believed it was an elevator before taking into consideration how it opens. These words have been put on all the prisoner’s doors. However, they have always been in some way apart of them. This implies that this digital prompter is a part of the door, proper.
Making it more unlikely that these are the doors to a train. I’ve also seen speculation of it being a swing door (opening both outwards and inwards, which would be cool), but… given how fortified the frame is and how thick the doors themselves are… I find that highly unlikely.
The closest thing that we’ve come to a consensus on is actually…
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Operating room doors (Operation Theatre Doors). Possibly, emergency operation ones? If this is it, I’m curious to what Mikoto’s MV is visually gonna be like. I think it would be hilarious if we didn’t get visceral imagery, but I don’t think that’s likely after taking into consideration the horror inspirations that can be noted within his previous trial (something we’ll go into later).
Those give his door a few more fun implications. Especially, if these are in fact operating room doors. This is because a lot of zombie/infection type horror movies take place in hospitals. If one were to look at his door through that sort of lens, wouldn’t it appear quite reminiscent to the doors seen at ground zero infection sites in virus or zombie genre horror flicks- The blood smeared on the door as people try to make their way in the glass smashed in hopes of reaching in and unlocking it or breaking a barricade. That airtight thick frame around the door. The likes of movies such as Contagion, 28 Days Later, or The Sadness. Warning for flashing lights on all these trailers by the way.
Outside of continuing these horror inspirations, operation room doors would be a good fit considering his voice dramas name as well. This time, the voice drama is called “Neoplasm”, which is not technically a word that exists, but does follow the format of a bunch of medical terms.
Now, I’m gonna rewind a little, because I haven’t given my opinion on the first trial voice drama name, “John Doe”, either (I promise this connects lol). John Doe applies to both personalities in Mikoto in different ways.
The Mikoto taken into Milgram (referred to within this section from now as Miko), is initially described as “mass goods”. In other words, an “everyman” or to quote Gunsli, “a dime a dozen”. Miko is an office worker, one of the most mundane jobs out there.
This touches on the fact that, like Gunsli has said previously, he could be replaced at any point without much trouble. As we know, John Doe is widely known to be used as a generic name/placeholder in order to withhold details from the larger public.
Either that, or the details don’t exist.
The Mikoto we find out about after Milgram has started, proper, (referred to in this section as Koto), is someone we don’t have an identifying “tag” for. The only (overt) way we know that Koto is out is that he has different behavioural mannerisms and vocabulary.
Even then, his use of personal pronouns seemed to be the same as Miko’s in MeMe, given the line:
“I” will save “me”.
This line uses boku in both instances of a personal pronoun.
In this way, John Doe could be meant in its more formal way; where a body is called this when the identity hasn’t been verified yet.
Incidentally, did you know that John Doe used to be a court term?
Specifically, to hide the identity of a plaintiff in an ongoing court case. There’s also a counterpart called Richard Roe, that hides the identity of the defendant.
There is a mild but real possibility that Miko could be trying to implicate Koto as the perpetrator within his second voice drama to skirt taking responsibility for his actions. It has been brought to the audience’s attention that the prisoners can hear what the audience has been saying about them since the beginning of trial two.
Though Yuno is the most candid about it,
Absolute Zero Yuno Trial 2 Interrogation
“It’s fucking bothersome- I told you this from the start; didn’t I. There’s no end to how much people will punish each other outside of the law. Due to that I really had no interest in Milgram.”
Yes, I remember that. You told me that you wouldn’t pay my judgements any mind and just continue as you have been.
“Oh, that’s right; I’m happy you remembered! Yet, at that time, I didn’t exactly hate it…Milgram. Sure, this place is full of nothing but weirdos but it was much warmer than my day-to-day life at least.”
It did appear like you were having fun the last time we spoke.
“Yes, it was fun! Sure, they’re all murderers but they’re interesting people. They put me at ease a bit, there was just something nice about being around others who also seemed to have something missing in one way or another.”
You’re saying that changed because of me?
“Yep! The situation has become more bothersome than fun. Now all the novelty of it that I found fun at first has been overshadowed- So, I’ve chilled out now that’s all.”
“And…Are you satisfied with this situation?”
Everyone within Milgram is a murderer, to the extent of clarifying the information I’ve been handed, to understand your sins… This job, my role, is necessary. Milgram will pull to the forefront not just your essences but the truths that lie within.
“Who are you trying to convince with that? Do those feelings and observations of yours not hold up unless you repeat them over and over again to yourself?”
…!
“You want to find the truth…huh? Pf…Haha!”
Yes, of course, as the guard of Milgram finding the truth of the matter is integral to correctly judging your sins-
“It’s the result of A LOOOOT OF sugar-babying: abortion.”
…!
“That’s probably my murder. Well have it, go and partake of the truth you were seeking so badly.”
“How is it, as good as you thought? Are you satisfied? If so, can we be done already?”
Yuno…you…
“You don’t surprise easily, do you? As I thought, you knew it from the song extraction.”
Well, yes, I considered it as one of many possibilities. However, that is the one I believed was most likely. Taking into account Milgram’s lack of specifications concerning the terms murderer and murder alongside it acting outside of common law I could not overlook the possibility it could interpret such a thing as murder.
“Yes, I’m sure. Well, more to say, I had this inkling that was your way of thinking. I could feel it.”
You could feel it…you say?
“Feel it, hear it, all throughout Milgram it’s probably the same with the others as well. Voices talking, observing, poking their noses into things that they ought not to and then discussing my sins.”
Something like that…
“Were those not the sort of thoughts you were having or something? It’s not as if I can really know for sure after all.”
…I don’t know. I wasn’t informed that Milgram could have that sort of impact. It is true I decided to forgive you with that thought in mind. However, that decision is only provisional.
“Haaa….”
“Well, then now I’ll tell you the second reason I’m so chilled out! Yaaay!!”
“You’re bad at going with the mood, huh.”
I’m starting to lose what little grasp I had on the type of person you are.
“You know it’s dull if you get too serious all the time.”
Noted. Continue.
“My second chillout reason simply put is the fact I was forgiven.”
What?
“Well, to get specific, it isn’t the fact I was forgiven itself but…”
I don’t understand. Just state it plainly.
“Hm…well then, should I just tell you what I heard in my head, what those incessant voices were saying. “Because she’s pitiful.”, “There’s no doubt, she definitely had some sort of reason for doing it.”, “She’s probably this way because there were problems in her home life.”, “She just doesn’t know love yet!” Ah…! “Because of that… I’ll forgive her!”.”
It's true that my decision was impacted by that sort of analogical reasoning and those are all things I considered.
“Ah, yes, yes… Well, and I have to stress this is going to purely and fully my own personal opinion but- I find making those sorts of assumptions preachy and unpleasant!”
“It’s all worthless. Deciding that I’m pitiful, making up a backstory for me, creating this personal idealized version of me- This acceptable version of me that you can feel good looking at. Aa..h- They exist you know the sort of people who do that. Those sorts of people have never will never do anything for me.”
Yuno..
“I’m not pitiful, my family gets along great, and I’m not particularly struggling financially. I decided to do what I did of my own free will because I felt it was necessary for me.”
-End of Transcript-
Tear Drop
“Just shut it, will you? You know it all.”
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During her voice drama, Yuno explains and calls to attention this new phenomenon within Milgram. Both before and after her the other prisoners conveniently omit the specifics of the information they have heard. Kazui being the most egregious display of this, as he does not bring up hearing the voices at all and only responds to questions after gaining more clarity on the situation. His entire voice drama really comes off as though he’s just leading Es by the nose.
Taking into consideration what was established through her interrogation (the implication that all the prisoners have heard the prevailing theories about their cases) who’s to say Miko has not weaponized the information he’s heard? Omitting he heard it like the others and using it to push the blame more onto the other personality. Whom if we’re being frank would more than likely be willing to take the fall for him anyway.
However, the fact that this is said,
“I (ore) did it. I (boku) didn’t do it! You saw it through Milgram! What do you think?”
Very quickly showcases to me that the one speaking is Miko here not Koto. Koto in the snippet of Double we’ve been shown is questioning what’s wrong,
“Why are you crying?”
If Koto is not aware of what is negatively impacting Miko in the song proper, why would they know what Milgram saw or how Milgram reacted to it? A thing stated to be specific to prisoners beneath Milgram’s control.
This is something alluded to during the second trial commencement notice. At that time Jackalope tells us Koto has been free and unchained this entire time.
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Exempt from the rules of Milgram and unable to have punishment administered to them. This means the voices all the prisoners have been hearing as part of their punishments or rewards would not impact him.
So, once again, I ask- How the fuck would he know that anyone saw anything through Milgram? Especially the specific implication and pervasive theory that it was them (Koto) who committed the murders.
Something that gives more credence to this idea is how Koto has even interpreted the song,
“I should have saved you but why are you crying? Rely on me, praise me with your song, I am your saviour.”
As a form of praise and a way in which Miko is relying on him. Simply as if Koto doesn’t see a thing wrong with what was displayed on top of not knowing what is upsetting Miko.
How much Koto knows about the song and Milgram’s response to it is rather questionable as we’ve been expressly told he is not a prisoner proper yet.
This possible way of handling the situation on Miko’s part is oddly reminiscent to how the Devil within Not A Devil attempts to convince the viewers they’re good through lines like,
“Another clandestine rendezvous with myself. Drained, oh so drained, introspection and in prayer.”
MeMe
“Snuggle together and say, “Good night” switch, shake up that brain.”
“The minus energy that I swallowed hugged me.”
Double (though official translation liable to change)
“I should have saved you but why are you crying? Rely on me, praise me with your song, I am your saviour.”
“No worries, no worries everything’s fine. This is just a silly joke.”
Trial 1 Voice Drama
“Of course, I want to think of all this as a joke…Wouldn’t anyone?”
“Calm down, that’s just a rumor.”
MeMe
“I won’t forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right.”
“All those ridiculous accusations.”
“Now shut up and give me your signature. Not a devil, I’m not a devil. So, sayeth the devil.”
MeMe
“I’m probably not to blame, it’s probably nothing.” – “Why am I here?  It must be a mistake, right?”
Taking the court terminology, Miko implicating Koto as the culprit with his denial firmly puts him in the role of John Doe (plaintiff) and Koto in the position of Richard Roe (defendant). Beginning a back and forth of finger pointing where Miko implicates the other and Koto can either deny the accusation or accept it.
This makes his second voice dramas title “Neoplasm” very apt naming. Because over the course of Milgram, the mold (interpretation) Mikoto was put under as this every man, silly little office worker caricature has been reshaped into to something new and abnormal.
Miko’s possible response to this new perception of his character being pretending to be Koto to fit this new shape he’s been given within the voice drama while attempting to save face isn’t surprising coming from him. He would know that Koto uses ore as well. Since, the audience has repeated it consistently over the course of the intermission. If Miko has been hearing the audience, as has been implied, it’d be very difficult for him to not be made aware of how Koto behaves.
Taking into consideration how much the other has been discussed, drawn, and written about. It has been more than shown that the prisoners know our speculations, in regard to their cases, and they’ve all been shown making attempts to confirm the validity of the statements they’ve heard over the course of their voice dramas. As such, there is a real possibility that Miko has heard the argument that the other committed the murders and he is in fact an innocent harmless individual.
Information that he’d rightfully take advantage of in this situation. Because it’d be a bit more difficult for people to condemn an innocent and harmless individual. Even if the other one did it and the only way to punish Koto was through punishing Miko a few people would be hesitant about doing such a thing. Simply put it would feel wrong to do as it’s dragging down a blameless individual just to get to someone who for all we know may not be at fault either.
We now find ourselves in a very classic dilemma-
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MeMe
“The truth will come to reveal itself. I won’t forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right.”
“The truth will come to reveal itself. I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right.”
“So, I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right.”
At this point, or maybe even from the beginning, they’ve just been in a finger pointing competition. And things are only about to get messier.
III.            Voice Drama Title
Now back to the title of the voice drama “Neoplasm” (orz). Remember how I said Neoplasm isn’t technically a word? Well, it’s technically not and is.
As many were quick to point out, Neoplasm refers to a new and abnormal growth of tissue within the human body that could either be benign or malignant. It’s a term to describe the discovery of new tissue growth such as a tumour that was not previously present. However, when this occurrence is discussed, the individual neoplasm is rarely referred to by name instead the phenomenon is usually referred to and discussed as “Neoplasia”.
As you can see in these lists of Human Anatomy & Physiology: Latin and Greek Word-Parts plasm is not included as a suffix.  
Now this may seem like semantics. However, it’s incredibly important to differentiate between these two terms. Neoplasms are the result of Neoplasia. Neoplasia is when neoplasms are formed. Through naming the voice drama Neoplasm Yamanaka plainly stated that a Neoplasm has formed but Neoplasia, the act of it forming, has not been observed.
Through using this term instead of the one usually used in cases of observing (discovering) this new tissue and the process of its formation this comes off as saying though an abnormality has been observed it was present when the patient arrived. Again, unlike in the case of observing Neoplasia when doctors usually go okay this was not here several months ago but it’s here now.
Meaning, the Neoplasm is more than likely not entirely new but it shouldn’t be there, and it wouldn’t normally be there.
Let’s move onto word roots and meanings.
Now we know that Neo has an etymology from Greek
"New, Young, Recent," from Greek neos and "new, young, youthful; fresh, strange; lately, just now," from PIE root *newo-. In the physical sciences, caeno-, ceno- is used in the same sense. Paleo- is an antonym of these terms.
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However, modern day definitions of the word (Yes, I said definitions!) are a bit different,
As it can mean “something new” or “new or recent, or in a modern form”.
For example, within Ace Attorney there’s a show called the “The Steel Samurai” the location of this show is stated to be Neo Olde-Tokyo. A new/revived version of old Tokyo. In this case the use of Neo and Olde together better highlight the intricacies of this word.
A more recent example of this would be NEOTWEWY. The title of the revival/follow-up game telling us out the gate this is something new built on the foundation of The World Ends With You (TWEWY). It is also, canonically, a remade form of Shibuya that Joshua made at the end of the original base game. Albeit, one made to be pretty much the same as the original.
So, while the immediate thought would be that it’s something new, it could also mean that it’s something that’s been reformed and shown as “new” that way. Something I’m sure that Miko is fully aware of. In fact, I’d say anything in reference to him would be more likely to use a pop culture meaning! Especially when you take into account his active attempts to keep up with the times and be seen as popular.
Plasm, however, has two roots in terms of etymology: Latin and Greek. In Latin, its root means “mold”. In Greek, it means “something formed”/“formation” or “to shape”.
The term also has modern-day definitions!
The first one is,
“formative or formed material (as of a cell or tissue)”
But there’s also
“Any of the components of protoplasm”
Protoplasm being the building blocks for all life on a cellular level.
In medical science it can also be used as a prefix and a suffix, but let’s focus on the suffix here.
Suffix meaning living substance, tissue.
These definitions of plasm may seem similar, but there is a difference in nuance. The first definition listed here refers to it as the material itself, specifying that it’s used in cells/tissues. The second one refers to the fact that they act as smaller parts to a whole (the whole in this case being the -cellular- foundation of life).
And the third one focuses on what the material makes as a whole. In other words, living substances and/or tissues.
Let’s move back to Koto. Well, we don’t know that much about him, right? Except, since the last trial ended, it’s been stated that he’s shown up more often. This includes in the trial two website voice lines, somewhere we’ve never seen him before! This, in addition to the usage of ore in the Double preview, seem to indicate that he’s solidifying more of an identity for himself.
Going back to the topic of the lettering choices on the CD cover real quick; specifically the division idea brought up earlier. Considering I’m as the whole and Miko and Koto as (MeMe) in this framework once again reiterates that Koto may possibly be growing a sense of identity outside of Miko and vice versa. Since Miko may be growing a more solid sense of identity as well after becoming aware of the other. You know, something you could also put as separating/dividing from Miko?
Neoplasms themselves aren’t really a big deal unless it turns out they are cancerous. In fact, benign ones are extremely common.
This is something that is once again rather fitting for Mikoto’s character and the implementation of it within Milgram. Allow me to elaborate, Mikoto as a character has subverted expectations from his first trial. There is a clear pattern with him of taking things that are usually considered normal and distorting them into something easily perceived as extreme, odd, or out of the norm.
Turning the mundane into the terrifying, a very common thing done within the horror genre.
This is one of the reasons Gunsli finds it very exciting that his second trial will be releasing in October. As it’s not just the month of his birthday but Halloween. So, she’s really hoping for some more horror inspired imagery with all those very common horror lighting tropes.
IV.            Horror Influences
From static effects,
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To flat lighting from a television,
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Those fisheye lens sort of shot at the beginning,
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Then there’s this shot,
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and the usage of both anamorphic lenses and vignetting.
(Side note; if you want to look more into how lighting utilized in horror, check out this video- x)
The atmospheric lens allows the lighting to look more ethereal. This, on top of the colouring used for the lights, makes the overall shot feel cold and liminal. The usage of a wide shot also emphasises this feeling of isolation.
In addition, the pillar at the foreground on his right makes him look crowded in while the emptiness to his left highlights how alone he is. This is also where the victim comes in from. The framing and direction here make it look as though the victim is cornering Mikoto.
That combined with the vignetting, makes the shot the visual equivalent of being “between a rock and a hard place”. This is likely a representation of how Miko was feeling at the time of the crime; trapped and as if he had to do this to survive.
Leading into another point, the way that all of the shots in MeMe are set up. Is something I find interesting, because a lot of them are ones usually used for victims/horror protagonists. Something that contrasts wildly with both his crime and how callously it’s shown. This puts Mikoto in the interesting position of both predator and prey.
For Gunsli this is all the stuff that just makes a horror fan go, “Yeah, this guy... This guy fucking watches horror movies for fun doesn’t he.” while everyone else who’s normal and hasn’t watched almost every horror movie they had access to goes how do you know this- Just for her to respond with, “I’m not the one on trial here he’s the fucking murderer; this ain’t about me!”.
All while managing to draw attention to and show off Mikoto’s genuine love and eye for photography. Possibly even nodding towards a bit of an interest in cinematography.
Q.07 What are your hobbies?
Mikoto: shopping / darts / photography / cycling
Every shot in MeMe meticulously planned out and executed in a way startlingly similar to how his murders are alluded to have gone down.
All this makes it difficult for them to say the team doesn’t know what they’re doing when it comes to him. Mikoto’s character in general turns the benign into something cancerous or the mundane into something controversial. A skill that has made him the topic of many divisive conversations and instances in Milgram’s history.
The usage of neoplasm could also touch on how Koto was immediately stigmatized by most of the fandom. Just as everyone assumes the worst-case scenario from tumours showing up, they assumed the worst of Koto’s entire existence. From statements such as,
“Having a person with D.I.D being a murderer is bad rep” to “I can’t believe they gave someone with D.I.D a murderous personality again”.
All this, despite the fact we don’t know who committed the actual crime. Though we’re pretty sure it was Miko for multiple reasons Gunsli has covered elsewhere.
Closing remarks from Gunsli- It’s always fun to write with other people but it’s always the best when I get to write with Star. I initially came to her for help with this one because I was just in the worst of moods due to multiple circumstances. However, this wound up taking so long mostly because there was just so much to cover and talk about. Plus, we haven’t even went into his cover yet. I was rather excited about guessing Mikoto’s second trial cover song correctly~ However, in the excitement of that I made some rather hasty observations myself like guessing that the door was train doors. Luckily, I took a step back to observe it more and talked over a lot of things with Star. Hope people enjoy all of this and sorry for leaving the TL;DR to you Star.
Here’s my (Star’s) parting words. Or rather, image-
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-We try and have fun here
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butchdarling · 1 month
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Hi, thanks for all your IDs! I'm new to Tumblr and want to write IDs. Are there etiquettes that I should take note of, like which posts to write IDs for and which not to? Any tags I should look out for? I came from Reddit and I'm aware that not all users want to have IDs on their posts, there's probably something similar here.
Hi, first of all you're very welcome for the descriptions! It's always nice to hear that my efforts are appreciated :)
Ideally, any post with images should also have a description for those images. Any post that doesn't already have an ID in the original post is one that's appropriate to add a description to. Even if someone else already wrote a description in a reblog, you're allowed to write your own if you want to. I personally haven't encountered anyone who has been upset when I've written a description? I think that's more an individual thing than something specific to a certain type of post.
There's not a consensus on what format works best for image descriptions, but alt text or plain text (not colored and normal size) directly below the image in the body of the post are generally considered the most accessible. Alt text tends to work better for screen readers, and plain text works better for some people who need descriptions but don't use screen readers. I personally use alt text for posts with a lot of images and plain text for posts with only a few. I've also seen people put a short description in alt text and a more detailed one in body text.
Other etiquette includes indicating when a description starts and ends. I use brackets and start and end with [ID / End ID] but some other formats I’ve seen include “Start ID / End ID” of “Image description / End image description” and being objective in your descriptions. If you're describing a picture of a dog as a "cute puppy," you're telling the reader what to think instead of letting them come to their own conclusion.
As for tags I know some people like to sort their posts as “described” for posts with IDs and “undescribed” or “no ID” for posts without. I find most of my descriptions either from people I follow or from looking in the notes of specific posts as opposed to searching tags so I'm not much help there, but here is a link to a post listing a whole bunch of accounts that make image descriptions.
There isn't really one way to write image descriptions because people have different accessibility needs, but even a simple description is better than no description. The basic format I usually go with is this:
[ID: A (type of image, painting, photo, etc) of (subject; if it's fan art I like to include the source) doing (action, this can really be as detailed or as simple as you want.) End ID]
In general, I go with more simple descriptions for comedic posts and more detailed ones for art. My number one tip is to follow people who write and reblog descriptions and to read them! I've picked up a lot of formats and phrases I use a lot in descriptions from people I follow.
If you're looking for more resources, I’m going to point you towards my mutual Kay @pathos-logical ‘s accessibility tag that has a bunch of good posts on how to write descriptions. You're also welcome to send me another ask or DM me if you'd like ^^
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sapphic-agent · 5 months
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There’s a headcanon I’ve seen pop up in the comments of a fanfic recently (Shota Aizawa vs The Media by water_in_a_bottle, it’s great at calling out Aizawa) and it makes a lot of sense in universe. It’s an extension of the headcanon that Aizawa rigged the QAT scores against Izuku with the intent to expel him. It’s the idea that when Izuku got zero offers from pros, Aizawa was actually hiding the offers from him. Izuku should have gotten at least some offers. He has an incredibly powerful and flashy quirk similar to All Might. He broke free from a mind control quirk, and he also went up against the number two hero’s son in a showy match. At least some pros should notice him and be interested. I know that from a writing perspective, Hori is just making Izuku an underdog again and putting him under unnecessary pressure, but I feel like it fits with Aizawa’s so called teaching style as a whole and his view of Izuku.
Aizawa seems to view Izuku as sort of lazy for apparently neglecting to get his powerful quirk under control (when everything else about Izuku should really make him question that view). You would think that he would want Izuku to figure it out, but I think that he wants Izuku to “take responsibility” and figure it out on his own without any help, instead of from a pro who might offer him an internship that Aizawa might feel Izuku doesn’t deserve or isn’t ready for yet.
This also fits with his teaching style, considering his massive amount of expulsions. This probably isn’t the first student Aizawa has pulled something like this on. He likes to lie and trick his students with logical ruses constantly. The QAT isn’t just an excuse to expel students on the first day. He probably also uses it to figure out which students to specifically target for future expulsion (if he doesn't immediately expel them, fake or not). As the year goes on, he gives them secret, biased challenges or obstacles that they might not even know they’re being put through, and when they fail, he eventually expels them, without acknowledging that he deliberately set them up and sabotaged them to justify expulsion.
Most of this is just headcanon, but I feel like it makes a lot of sense with a more negative interpretation of Aizawa and his views, actions, and teaching style.
So, I actually don't think Aizawa rigged the QAT.
I'm not saying it would necessarily be out of character for him to do so. But the thing about the QAT is that it's not assessing physical fitness, it's assessing how well you use your quirk. If it was assessing how fit the kids were, Momo would have lost to Bakugou and Todoroki and she beat both of them.
Quirk users have advantages in almost every field, especially hero work, that's just a fact. And that's especially true in the QAT as it's geared towards quirk users. I never thought it was weird that Izuku placed last since here because he only had 10 months of basic training as opposed to these kids who have used their quirks all their lives.
(I read a fic where Hagakure used her invisibility to take a head start during the race. Things like that where they're "cheating," but not really because Aizawa said they could use their quirks to their advantage in any way they want)
Now, I think that the test itself was probably rigged against Izuku. It's basically canon that Aizawa was targeting him that day. But to rig the results themselves, I feel, would have been detrimental to the point he was trying to prove.
But always a fun headcanon to read about :)
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ciaossu-imagines · 4 months
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Ikerev & Zombie Apocalypse?
Of course, anon dear! I'm so, so sorry this took forever to get back to you but if you're still reading, I hope you'll enjoy the headcanons I thought of for this AU!
Okay, so we're going into this with me forewarning everyone. By it's very nature, a zombie apocalypse AU is going to get dark, gritty, angsty, and probably a little fucked up and as I love getting the chance to get angsty and dark, you know things might get fucked up here and there with some of these headcanons. If that is not your cup of tea or something you think might bother you, it might be better for you to stop reading.
So now that we have that out of the way, if you're still reading, let's get this all started. So, in my head, this AU is less of an actual alternate universe. I still very much see this set in Cradle, with the same universe existing of Magic and the Magic Tower and the different armies. However, I don't see the armies as still really fighting each other - they are at peace and the Magic Tower, though definitely still shady as fuck and definitely still up to no real good, isn't thought of as an absolute threat. Everything seems good and peaceful and that's part of the real set-up of this AU.
So, to get to the real meat of this AU. So, everything is nice and peaceful. Life seems idyllic. But then things start to change. The Magic Tower, still headed by Amon Jabberwock, is doing what the Magic Tower always does - experimenting with the Magic Crystals, seeing what can be done with them. Their latest experiment is working with the crystals and humans to see if, by ingesting bits of the crystals and thus integrating them into the human body, they can enhance the boundaries of what a human body and mind can do. The experiments seem to be well-meaning, are sold as looking to find cures for aging, for disabilities, for anything bad that can possibly happen to a human body or mind. What they're really after, or at least what Amon wants them for, is to create his own army of superhuman soldiers to conquer Cradle, though not even his followers are really privy to that fact.
Too bad the experiments seem to be failing. Most of the humans experimented on are dying…and then things seem to change. Things start to appear to be going well and the Magic Tower rejoices and gets inspired to really test even further limits of the experiment. The long and short of it though - these new Crystal infused humans? They're super-strong, seemingly impervious to all harm except complete decapitation to sever the connection of brain and body, with superhuman senses…oh, and they all go insane. Like, their brain goes bad - all limiters are taken off and they start to act solely on impulses and basic desires instead of any rational thoughts or logic. They're extremely violent if threatened at all or if something stands in the way of one of their wants. They experience extreme hunger at points and if food isn't readily available….well, humans are a source of meat too. They crave sex, food, shelter, warmth, liquid. Some of them retain enough of their personalities to have cravings for things they especially loved before the experiments as well.
The worst thing? Though they start as mindless, they quickly seem to link up into some sort of hive-mind and they start enhancing their numbers. If they don't outright kill, they forcibly turn others into beings like themselves by forcibly feeding them crystals. If the person survives this, they join The Hive.
It starts in the Tower. Amon willingly joins The Hive, makes himself the Head of it. Dalim, being a Disciple of the Tower, is in this initial first attack by these creatures. Terrified and no longer trusting in Amon, Dum does do the right thing in the end and tries to ensure that the experiment dies in the Tower, that none of the infected escape the Tower. He helps get other Disciples out but unfortunately, he succumbs to an attack by several of the infected and gets forcibly recruited into The Hive.
The infected surge out of the Tower and it's not too long before the peace of Cradle is completely shattered and things become a full out 'zombie apocalypse'. The armies each do their best to fight The Hive and protect the citizens but still steadfastly refuse to join forces with each other until much later on in the story.
I see Jonah as being one of the first to die. It's not because he's not strong and more than a capable fighter. It's because he's just genuinely someone who doesn't have a lot of common sense. His death comes in the first wave of the infected out of the Tower. He chose bravery and doing his duty but, after seeing other soldiers downed and even seeing some be forcibly infected, his ego and lack of common sense really did him in and he gets slaughtered and eaten.
Though he'll last throughout most of the story, I do see Lancelot dying. It's his death that inspires the two armies to join forces and come together, actually. The thing is, as a magically strong person already, the Hive (and Amon, their leader) didn't want to kill Lancelot. No, they became almost obsessed with changing him, with making him a part of the Hive. Though Lancelot was strong and clever enough to hold them off for a long time, while saving someone else whilst in the midst of battle, he was left vulnerable for long enough to be force fed what was needed to ensure he would eventually turn. Though the only one who was aware of this was Kyle, who steadfastly maintained that they would find a way to save Lance, Lancelot knew what needed to be done. He told Sirius and Harr the truth of what had happened and begged his two best friends to do what needed to be done - to kill him.
Sirius was the one to actually end up doing the deed. He'd already lost most of his family and by that point, had seen enough other people die. He'd been so strong up until that point and he'd inspired so many people to keep going with his never give up attitude, his optimism that things would get better, and his hard work. But after that, after being forced to kill one of his oldest and dearest friends? He sure kept trying, so hard, but the fact of the matter was that after that, Sirius really started to give up. Another major story event really did him in and he almost recklessly charged into the next major battle with The Hive and was taken down. Those close by at the time said he seemed almost relieved as The Hive killed him.
That other major story event? It has to do with Harr. Harr was a Magic Tower Disciple who had abducted his position the second the Tower started experimenting on humans. It was just something Harr could not handle, could not get behind, so he left. He did his best to keep his eye on things with the Tower though, worried about what might happen. When the worst does happen, Harr feels immense guilt for not having done more to stop this from happening. He becomes obsessed with finding a cure for those infected, with stopping this with as little bloodshed as possible. Loki helps him, as does Kyle, who also becomes obsessive about finding a cure.
As the days and weeks go by though and they seem to be getting nowhere, Kyle starts drinking harder and harder and becoming more and more reckless in his efforts to learn more about the infected. He needs test subjects and by the time the armies manage to trap and transport an infected person to him, not only have they suffered major casualties, but the infected in question is normally dead as well. Kyle becomes tired of seeing people die and being helpless to stop it and he directly goes out into the field. Dead infected specimens aren't helping; he needs a live one and becomes bound and determined to get one. While trying to do so, Kyle gets captured and changed.
The newly infected Kyle is feral and attacks his former comrades, killing Loki. Between Loki's death and Kyle's change, combined with watching Sirius kill Lancelot just the day before, Harr cannot handle things anymore. It's too much and his brain just can't deal. Harr takes a dive, head first, from the place this all started - the Tower itself. He's dead upon impact with the ground, quick and painless, but dead nonetheless.
Because the idea, while horrible, was too delicious to resist…I really do see Dean being brutally savaged and beaten to death by his own infected brother. The sibling rivalry had carried over enough in the infected Dalim's mind for the need to kill his brother to be a major desire of his.
Now, I have always kind of headcanoned that Mousse has narcolepsy. Obviously he doesn't have a route so I don't know for sure if that is canonically true but I see that being his undoing in this AU. He gets infected in his sleep very early on in the story.
Oliver becomes very useful though. He devotes himself to making weapons and traps and fortifying buildings to become shelters. Though he doesn't go into battles himself and is very protected, he's such an important and integral part of everything.
I do see Edgar, Fenrir, and Seth becoming rather famous as front line warriors against the Hive. All or any of them alone become major targets of the Hive because of how many infected they take out and how integral a part of survival in this new world they become.
After Lancelot's death, Blanc and Ray become co-leaders, trying everything they can to gather and ensure the safety of all non-infected individuals. Blanc keeps an eye and really dedicates himself to ensuring the non-infected are safe and taken care of and that shelter, food, water, and basic needs can be met for everyone while Ray leads the more military side of ensuring continued life and safety for the survivors.
Zero ends up specializing in rescue missions, in getting groups of non-infected people to safety, and really ends up becoming Blanc's second in command. Luka, meanwhile, stays under Ray and does fight…Luka's biggest regret in everything though? That he couldn't save his brother. So he becomes foolhardy and reckless at times, taking risks he shouldn't, because to him, if he can save even just one more person…maybe that will take some of the guilt away, absolve him even a little. Even just a smidge.
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paradoxcase · 6 months
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Glossary at the end of Harrow the Ninth
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So they were named in order of discovery, not in House order or in the order of their distance from the sun, so Number Seven could be anything. But surely that would have made Alecto Number One, right? If John told all his Lyctors the truth about what she actually was, and they didn't find out that resurrection beasts were going to be pursuing them until later, then she would necessarily have been the first one they encountered, right? So why is she not Number One?
Also the implication that BOE probably has other names for them - BOE must know about them, since they specifically sought out Heralds to turn into anti-necromancer bullets
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This sort of resolves some confusing and contradictory statements about how the beasts don't move through or exist in physical space but still somehow have a physical body. It would have been much cooler if this had all been clarified in the actual text of the story
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Surely this means the end of Harrow the Ninth, right? Gideon didn't die fighting Number Seven until the very end
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Is this only because they were more recently created, or is there something special about the OG beasts because of the Resurrection?
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How did BOE know that Wake was a revenant? Wait. Wake was still possessing the sword when Harrow used it to kill Cytherea and then passed out, and then subsequently we know that BOE came to Canaan House, captured Camilla, Corona, and Judith, and took Gideon's body. Did they know that Wake was possessing the sword at that time and were planning on having it be taken on board the Mithraeum with Harrow and that's why they didn't mess with the Lyctors? This seems like kind of a stretch, since none of the actual necromancer characters even suspected that the sword was haunted at that point in the story, and the only necromancer that BOE had access to was Judith, who was for sure not going to willingly tell them anything useful about anything. Or did Wake possess Cytherea's body right after she was killed, and then when BOE came she was actually able to speak to them and tell them what happened?
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I mean, this is believable, mostly, but if BOE are now speaking languages that have been evolving for 10,000 years since these references were originally made, the names would logically also have undergone a lot of phonetic shifts in order to match up with the phonology of whatever the commonly-spoken language was in the area that the name was being used. They might still have been long, but after 10,000 years of phonological changes, they probably won't sound anything like the original 21st century things they reference. Even if these names were understood to be names in a dead language, they still would have undergone phonological changes, they wouldn't be completely fossilized. Like, consider the name Caesar, which we currently regard as being a name in a dead language. In the original Latin it was /kaɪsar/, but now in modern English it's the very different-sounding /siːzɚ/ because English has a completely different phonology than Latin and that word has changed its pronunciation as English changed, just like every other word in the English language has. If there were somehow some immortal Ancient Romans who were still speaking Classical Latin and didn't know any English, and you asked them about /siːzɚ/, would they know who you were talking about? Definitely not. So even if we buy this idea that John has somehow prevented every single resident of the Nine Houses from producing any kind of linguistic innovation for 10,000 years, Wake's name as rendered in Wake's native language would not sound like anything that John could recognize as 21st century renderings of Shakespeare or Eminem
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lunar-years · 4 months
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time loop from the bingo! or jamie-father fic
I have another ask about the father-fic so I'm gonna give you time loop!
I still only have the one idea for it, which I've posted about before. But to recap, the gist is: Present-day Jamie is dating Roy & Keeley. Then somehow, he ends up transported back in time and waking up in a time loop spanning a few days in season 2. At first he think his biggest problem is that Roy still hates him and he's not yet talking to Keeley really in this timeline, plus he has to watch them be all lovey-dovey together without him (which is much worse this go-around than it was the first time, because now he knows exactly how good it feels to be a part of it). But it gets much worse when he realizes the days he's reliving are the lead-up to and actual event of playing Man City at Wembley (and the subsequent aftermath with his father).
Jamie then has to navigate trying to convince Roy (& Keeley, though that's far easier lmao) that he is in fact stuck in a time loop and they are both in love with him, actually, at the same time that he's being forced to keep reliving one of the worst afternoons of his life. When he refuses to get his dad tickets, there's no need for Roy to comfort him. When he lets his dad come into the locker room but stands up to him as soon as he starts hurling abuse, there's no need for Roy to take him home. Basically, whatever route Jamie tries he can't convince Roy to care about him long him enough to listen to him, and he starts developing a complex that Roy only ever got over his hatred for Jamie and then they became friends and then they became lovers all because Roy pitied him at Wembley for having a dad who hits him. And he starts thinking the only way to fix this is to let it play out like it had the first time, just let his dad abuse him so he can talk to ROy. But at that point does even want to talk to Roy? is it even worth fixing things if that is how his boyfriend sees him, as someone he needs to feel sorry for?
ANYWAY...when I first posted this idea I'd scrapped it for a number of reasons, namely:
obviously as a time loop fic we're already going to be defying logic, but the time loop PLUS time travel PLUS the time loop spanning multiple days somehow felt like a step too far, lmao. and also annoying to keep track of when writing.
there's really no point to it? Like I sort of felt it was just Jamie whump for the sake of Jamie whump and it wasn't going anywhere. I want there to be a point to him getting caught in the time loop. What is he meant to learn?
i didn't know how to end it
BUT now that it has appeared on my royjamie bingo card I do sort of feel like it's fate and I should write it. plus people seemed interested in it! And i think I've figured out the mechanism for what spurs the time loop (a fight between Jamie & Roy about how he's handling his dad in the present day, which kind of dregs up some fears of Jamie's that are mostly subconscious and he therefore hasn't realized until now have been sort of plaguing the relationship for a while).
it seems like a big endeavor for a bingo fic though, so it will probably be quite some time before I actually write it because I've already got a longer fic going I want to finish first (ironically, Jamie-father fic, lmao).
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okay, this does sort devolve into ramblings that might not make sense (how fitting for me) and I have no idea if this means anything, but my brain’s starting to make connections.
Echidna and chao evolved in the same chaos energy saturated environment so there’s gotta be some convergent evolution there. So even though they share no ancestry the two species probably share a lot of similarities. But it’s hard to tell cuz out only example is Knuckles and we don’t know which of his traits are an echidna thing and which are a guardian thing.
Like chao can fly and Knuckles can glide. It doesn’t seem like either of them should be able to by normal logic so it’s probably M.E influence. If it can make a huge landmass float giving creatures that like around it the ability to ignore gravity doesn’t seem that out of possibility.
minor details but both species hatch from eggs. And are seen to have an affinity to chaos energy.
Also interesting that dark chao and Knuckles share, the crescent on the chest, sharp teeth and jagged Tail/head point thing. He also has the red and white colour scheme of a hero power chao except with reversed placement.
So maybe since a chao’s appearance is influenced by their environment maybe it’s the same for the other species that spent their lives next to the m.e. As in, how they’re raised visually reflects on their body because chaos energy make the bodies of both species mailable.
So that would make echidna an extremely adaptable species. Again, our only example is Knuckles so what’s an echidna thing and what’s a guardian thing? But Knuckles is able to survive on the surface when you would think that after living in a completely isolated environment would be struck down by all the new sicknesses, pollutants and any number of new things his body wasn’t ready for.
I don’t what direction this has gone, but the idea of echidna and chao being convergent species intrigues me.
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goldensunset · 9 months
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How does death work in the TWEWY universe, from the perspective of the living?
Thinking logically, I might believe that the Players are merely in a coma, stubbornly refusing to die until they either get erased or win.
But it's also so amusing to have the idea of a Player winning the game and crawling out of their own grave because they were, in fact, Actually Deceased.
REAL this is bonkers to me
•the coma idea is neat but i doubt there’s any doubt in the minds of living people that these guys are dead. we know eri referred to shiki as having died.
•i believe it was established in the reports in the first game that by the composer’s power they are reformed with a new body (iirc). which begs the question of what happens to their old body that’s been buried or cremated or w/e. wouldn’t that be wild if it just remained so when the person died again now they had two bodies in the same grave or w/e lol*
•i think it was implied in neo at some point that once someone comes back to life the living sort of just. forget??? that the person ever died??? which is insane. like their memories of reality are overwritten by the lie that the composer feeds them. only the reborn person knows the truth which. ouch. that has to be a horrible burden to carry. but it makes sense
•but i also think. if i remember correctly shoka has a line (i think she was talking to beat?) that’s like ‘geez how does she even remember you’ when he’s talking about how he’s communicating with rhyme. which. girl what do you MEAN. is she implying that the living forget the dead ever existed at all even if the dead have not been erased yet??? that can’t be right. we know eri remembered shiki. or is it specifically because of the weird thing that happened to the people who got pulled into the game without dying. where like their entire presence online got erased (why exactly did that happen? idk)
•i think they say something about how rhyme and shiki, as former ug residents, can see beat, rindo, fret, and nagi even across ground lines because those guys are not truly dead. ordinary rg residents can’t see them at all and no rg residents can see neku and shoka are truly dead. idk. but still i would like to know what the situation was like for, say, nagi. someone alive in the ug. did the people who knew her temporarily forget her. dude
*another set of questions has been raised. sorry <3
•first question: do all of the recent dead in an area automatically join the game? most are probably erased, and probably immediately. twewy week one has dialogue that implies the size of that week’s game was a mere 12 people. idk what average number of people in a given population die per week in real life so idk what conclusion to draw there. but probably more than 12 in all of shibuya lol.
•anyway, if it’s not everyone, if where do the other dead go??? instant erasure?? i think it might be that as a test to see who’s worthy of rebirth, only certain people even get a ticket into said test. like the reapers use their prejudice to determine if you’re even worth inviting. or if that’s not the case, the people who get in could simply be the people who WANT to live again. a lot of people probably just accept oblivion. the reason we only see plucky young kids (or like. nerds and influencers in neo lol) is because they still had entire lives ahead of them and were not at all prepared for death. so the reapers might’ve just like read their souls and determined their desire. of course we see like the twewy main 5 all being like ahhhh idk if i have anything to come back to am i even worth it… but that’s just them lamenting the state of their lives. that’s not the same as openly welcoming death.
•second question: could you die and play the reaper’s game multiple times? cheating death infinitely because you’re just that good at solving puzzles beating noise? imagine a player on their fifth life and death the reapers are like ‘c’mon man just join us already it’s the only path to angelhood aka the ideal highest state of being. every game is a gamble and you’re only getting older and less capable. don’t you want to chill out and live in peace?’ and the player’s like ‘no shut up i don’t want your crummy job. i still have so many books to read and my cats need me. i’ll see you in like a month when i inevitably fall down the stairs again’
tldr: ‘oh simple ask i’ll respond right away with just a few words and a normal amount of thoughts about the twewyverse’
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emerald9d · 8 months
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An Undertale/Deltarune Theory Complaint:
Alright I wanna bitch about UT/DR fan interpretations again. Basically, I feel like the idea that Kris is being puppeteered by the player (and that they're aware of this to any degree), which I was already not a huge fan of, is now getting retroactively applied to the protagonist of Undertale.
That sucks guys. That sucks so fucking hard. And not only does it suck, but it actually helps illustrate just why it would suck in DR too:
It retroactively fucks up the tone of the entire game!
(This is much more just a rant I've been sitting on recently, as compared to some big detailed writeup. Also, y'know, spoiler warning for both games. Screen shots from LongplayArchive on YouTube)
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where's the part in the where Sans is like "but the mere act of playing this game is bad so fuck you for that?" Where is any thematic implication of that being an important element anywhere, outside of genocide route, and maybe overtly deadly choices in general? Where's the finger-waggle? Where is it??
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Certainly if it was anywhere it'd be in the place where this line gets spoken and you are then morally judged for your actions. Right?
This isn't the sort of thing you have to read deeply between the lines on. Yes, a lot of the game is reliant upon the player's faulty initial assumption that the name they chose in the start is the character you're playing as.
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It's a cool twist for sure. And this particular moment really hammers home that, yes, Frisk is their own person. But it comes across less as some kind of "gotcha" admonishment and more just, like, the clear logical conclusion of the twist that's already been pretty much spelled out at this point anyway. That the name you chose was for somebody else entirely.
Hell, after this revelation happens, you're then given more time to walk around as Frisk and talk to people. If at this point you're supposed to be thinking that controlling Frisk is an inherently unsavory thing at all times, wouldn't that be an inherently bad segment? Wouldn't the only correct choice be to rush out the door towards the credits as fast as possible?
Under that understanding, the only moral choice outside of not playing at all is a non-violent speed run.
Maybe I'm not understanding popular fan theories correctly and am vastly overestimating how many people actually think this whole "player puppeteering" thing retroactively applies to Frisk too. But the mere thought of it really gets my panties in a twist I won't lie.
Also,
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At this point, you know full well that Frisk is their own person. Yet, here you are, dealing with one last choice prompt. How can there be anything morally questionable about this? Hell, even acting with the knowledge that Frisk is their own person and doing your best to pick what you think they'd want... it gets you nowhere. Which answer is correct? The first? The Second? Neither? Both?
I don't think you're supposed to dwell on that. If anything it just further hammers home how Frisk has shit going on you're probably not even aware of. I think that normally, the player and the player character are kinda indistinguishable, especially in-universe. It's not until you start doing logically absurd violent shit that the game bends over backwards to make the player feel like a fucked up asshole, as opposed to Frisk. To the point where the spiritual embodiment of numbers going up for their own sake pops out and calls you a psycho just like them.
LIke, this aspect of the writing isn't subtle? I really don't see room for any other interpretation. If you have to imagine the player as some distinct aspect of the game world even during a peaceful playthrough, then I'd stick with my interpretation from my Kris writeup (linked at the beginning of this) where you're, like, some part of their subconscious that helps them decide shit. Or a headmate that they probably aren't aware of, if the player has to be something resembling a distinct person.
Oh, also: if both options in that final choice prompt are equally valid, then that really bolsters my idea that the choices given to you are coming from the character, rather than something foisted upon them out of nowhere. Like, again, you're just helping decide. If they wanna just talk, then they just talk. Like when they give their name to Asriel. Kris is handled exactly the same way. Deltarune is just written with you knowing that Kris is their own person from the very start, where Undertale isn't. That's it.
Which means...
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... Frisk is absolutely the kind of person to consider all of these options at once, lol. They were effectively a less edgy test run for Kris, I think.
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wisteria-lodge · 1 year
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burnt lion primary (modeling bird with badger system) + lion secondary (heavy badger model) (fun bird model)
Attempting to write this on my phone as my laptop charger is broken and the replacement doesn’t arrive until tomorrow. I could just wait but I’m impatient and ADHD and I want to do this now. Anyways, I’ve been thinking of myself as a bird primary / snake model for a bit, but today I realized I might be badger, with a wide definition of “group,” and possibly a bird model? I’m sort of lost on secondary, though.
With this opening, I’m kind of thinking an In-the-Moment secondary rather than a Prep-work secondary.
Today I bought a homeless woman some food and sat down with her and gave her my number when she asked. My partner pointed out to me that this was incredibly unsafe. I blocked her but I feel so horribly guilty about it as I told her I’d go see her again in 2 days. Everyone is telling me that I need to prioritize my own safety, and I suppose logically I know that, but it doesn’t stop me from crying. I think I might live with this guilt for the rest of my life- and when I had that thought, it hit me that I could be a badger.
Hmm. There’s a lot to unpack here. I mean breaking a promise just feels shitty on a human level, and my instinct tells me there’s probably some third option - take someone with you when you go maybe. But it’s also totally possible there’s not. That’s not what I’m speculating on here.
In terms of this system, you helped someone out in what sounds like a totally unplanned, spur-of-the-moment kind of thing (which makes me think lion or snake, and I’m leaning lion because the honest directness of handing out your phone number.)
Then, your partner and “everyone” tells you that you went too far, and you go along with them, but feel really REALLY guilty. This tells me that either a) you’re not a Badger primary, and are in all likelihood probably a Lion, or b) you are a (universal) Badger primary in a community that defines “person” more narrowly than you do.
I thought I was able to adapt to new morals based on logic and incorporate them into my system, but it’s always based on what is just and fair for the group- other people.
Could still be Badger, or a Badger-flavored Paragon Lion.
I have a very hard time being able to do things for myself, even basic hygiene, which I know is just a mental illness thing and not necessarily a placement. But the relevant bit here is that it becomes ridiculously easy in comparison when I’m doing it for other people
You’re starting to sound like an Exploded Badger primary, who exists to help the group, and has a very hard time seeing themselves as valuable and worthwhile outside of the context of the group.
including (and tbh mostly) animals, who are ABSOLUTELY people. And I realized that it’s similar to how I feel towards the disenfranchised. Even that feels icky to say, I feel like I’m equating the homeless to animals??
It’s fine to say that animals and disenfranchised people are both groups that you feel strongly about. You keep coming back to doubting your instincts in an anxious way that makes me think semi-Burned Lion, rather than Bird. And even the slightly disconnected causes are pointing me in a Lion direction.
And that goes against my morals, the underprivileged are humans who deserve to be treated as such and often aren’t because rich people are fucking assholes. I feel very, very strongly about helping those in need
Yeah, I can really, really see that. In a way that truly makes me wonder why Lion was the one primary you didn’t consider for yourself.
and those who depend on me.
It’s possibly you might have some loyalist primary model going on. But I don’t think you’re a loyalist.
I am too naive and trusting when it comes to this particular subject, and cynical in almost everything else. This is also why I am strongly against the idea of personally having children. I do not trust myself to do it correctly.
“I do not trust myself” “I am too naive” “I am too cynical” “that feels icky” “I’ve been told logically that I’m wrong but I’m still crying.”
I don’t know what to tell you. You have strong feelings, a lot of them, but do not trust them (are told you can’t tust them.) You’re a Burnt Lion. You’ve probably latched to someone (probably your group or specifically your partner) as an external morality, which is a total Burnt Lion thing. This - ow, it hurts to read. These things you think about yourself, I see no evidence at all that they’re true.
If i am a badger primary, the 1% do not fit into my definition of “people,” though I know logically they are.
Again “logically” makes an appearance. “Logically I should feel this… but I don’t.”
I do not wish violence against anyone as I feel it is morally wrong, but I also wouldn’t be upset of any of them croaked.
This is much more a lion’s “I don’ t feel anything about them” and less a Badger’s “they’re monsters.” The word you used was “assholes” and that’s honestly very humanizing.
I feel like my sense of logic and emotion are at odds sometimes. I often think that things I feel are “wrong” or “unfair” or “unjustified”
burnt, burnt, burnt, burnt
even though years of therapy have told me that’s not true.
Oh good. I’m glad you’ve got somebody to talk to. Good for you.
I feel like my bird and badger tendencies are so wrapped up in each other it gets hard to differentiate.
You’re a Burnt Lion (who often look like stressed out Birds) in a very Badger (probably Exploded Badger) community.
But, more relevant, I often feel like my negative emotions towards other people are unfair and horrible and wrong.
You’re allowed to have negative emotions! They keep you safe! This is true for everyone, but especially true for a Lion primary.
At my core I value others more than myself. It has been a challenge to work through this, and the only motivation I have is that other people get upset when I constantly talk about how guilty I feel for having emotions.
Somebody did a number on you. At this point you couldn’t be more textbook Burnt Lion if you *tried.*
This leads me into possibly a bit of snakiness?
I have no idea where you’re getting Snake. I mean, Snake would be good for you. A Snake model would help you immensely.
“Exploded snake” greatly resonates with me, but this is due to my trauma and BPD. I often have A Person that all of this “I cannot do things for myself but I will do everything for other people” is very concentrated towards. But again this is a mental illness thing so I see it as more of an unhealthy unintended model, not sure though.
My friend, what you have is a coping mechanism. You pour yourself into someone else so you’re not able to worry about yourself, and you have control over (and feel good about) this aspect of your life, at least.
It’s not Exploded Snake. Exploded Snakes, even at their most extreme, might become co-dependent, but they don’t lose themselves in people like this.
I also really resonate with bird in the way that I really value knowledge. The only real positive thing I can consistently muster up to say about myself is that I’m intelligent. I struggled a lot in school due to trauma and untreated ADHD and the works, but I’m aware that I am smart. It still feels sort of wrong to say that, like I’m being too conceited, but I’ve worked on accepting it as fact. I’m a nerd with a large vocabulary, lots of trivia, and some special interests I hoard information on like a bird. (Mainly cats and bugs. If you werr curious. You probably weren’t.
Look. I do these because I like people. I’m interested in people. I like seeing how different they are from each other, and I like seeing how they’re the same, and I like seeing how they tick. You don’t have to apologize, and you don’t have to be so very self-deprecating.
I appreciate the honestly though, and I appreciate that you are actively taking steps, and doing everything you need to do to get going. If I were to take a guess, it would be that at one point your secondary was a whole lot more burnt than it is now. It’s doing pretty good now. But there’s still some gunk and muscle memory left over from before. That’s how it’s reading to me anyway.
As for the system, definitely at least a fun bird model. That’s the neurodivergent classic.
If I’m wrong about something, it can be embarrassing but I feel I can recover and incorporate it into my system.
That’s honestly human stuff. (But you’re using Bird language to say it. I don’t think you’re a Bird though. I think you *like* birds.)
However this is only the case if it benefits other people / adds to my understanding in a way that makes me a better person towards others. This is why it can be so hard for me to accept that I am wrong about myself on certain things.
You’re perfectly confident in your ability to reason. It just… doesn’t totally make a difference when it really comes down to it, does it? Because what I’m reading about is a system not changing.
I feel that not punishing myself is a disservice to others.
That’s Dobby the House-Elf logic. I know I’m being harsh, but I’ve got pages and pages of old diary entries romanticizing guilt, calling it noble, calling it protective, glorifying making yourself the suffering central sacrifice. And I had to be banged over the head over and over and OVER again, before I realized that… I wasn’t that special. Which was an epiphany of terror, and relief.
I have been told over and over this is not healthy but I really cannot help it. I think I’ve made progress? But only because my partner broke up with me because of it and told me I had to get my shit in order before we got back together. So that core is still there, it’s still entirely externally motivated.
Look, external motivation is still motivation. I’ll take it.
The reason I thought I modeled snake was because I mask my autism and everything else very heavily, and attempt to assimilate very heavily.
Despite the (unfortunately) identical terminology, snake masking and autism masking are completely different things.
I don’t feel like it’s a bird secondary acting, as it feels so natural to me at this point. Sometimes in the middle of a conversation I’ll realize I’m completely mirroring the other participants, saying things I don’t actually believe, etcetera. It is really so natural, it happens almost every conversation.
Snakes do that sort of thing consciously. This sounds like Courtier Badger mirroring (and you do use the word mirroring, so I figure you’ve probably worked that out.)
At the same time though, I do not know what substance there is to mask- it feels empty, like I’m constantly searching for the bottom of an endless ocean. I know that is incredibly cheesy and, God Forbid, bateman-esque. I can assure you I do not kill people. 😋
I think you identify with Patrick Bateman because he is a person that is an externally defined surface. He doesn’t know what business card design he actually likes, it probably never even occurs to him that he should buy something because he likes it. He does things because they’re correct (even if he doesn’t know why they’re correct.) But clearly he does have all this feeling that has been sublimated beneath the surface, and because he’s in a movie it comes out in his murder-sprees.
If I were to sort Patrick Bateman, I would say that he’s an extremely Burnt Lion who is deep inside a very toxic Badger community. And a Lion secondary, with that ax and chainsaw and everything. OBVIOUSLY American Psycho is a hyper-exaggerated, stylized film… but no, I’m not surprised that you see a blown-up version of yourself in him.
I feel it is something I learned as a coping mechanism. But maybe it’s inherent to who I am now and I’m actually a snake secondary? No idea.
I actually don’t think your secondary is burnt. I think is more… drifting, because your primary isn’t pointing it at anything. And just the fact that you are drifting is making me say Lion secondary over Badger secondary (which is the other possibility. But you seem kind of uncomfortable using your Badger, even though it is effective.)
Just work on liking things. That’s your homework. Just little things. Low stakes things. Pick a new phone background. Smell some candles and pick the one you like best. Go to the movie theater alone, and get a ticket to the movie you want to see most.
Small self trivia that may be relevant? I love solving mysteries and puzzles and I avoid media spoilers like the plague. This is because if I have a tiny bit of information I will often overthink it so badly that I end up interpreting the whole damn plot and then the movie isn’t even enjoyable. Especially when people offhandedly mention something I’m not supposed to guess is important, but of course it’s important if they’re telling me about it ?!?! So I can extrapolate from there and ruin the whole thing for myself. I wish to god I could turn this off but I can’t. It’s not something I model, it’s something inherent to how my brain works and it’s ANNOYING.
I’m not allowed to watch Twilight Zone episodes with my family anymore, and they still haven’t forgiven me for guessing the ending of Planet of the Apes ten minutes in. I think this kind of stuff just comes with having a foundation in media analysis and a puzzle-brain.
But at least I have fun when I’m not totally spoiled. Related: if I had to pick any superpower at all, it would be omniscience. I want to understand every universal truth there is. I want to know everything.
Oh come on, you can’t pick “I want to be god,” as your answer to the super power game. At least say that you want to achieve enlightenment or something.
But astrophysics and all that jazz is way too hard.
I have zero doubt that if you were interested in astrophysics, you could get a pretty damn good working knowledge of astrophysics.
On a smaller scale sometimes I fantasize about doing the long con on the US government and becoming a dutiful public worker just to get into the inner circles and get access to all the secrets`. 😂 But morally speaking I could NEVER do what needs to be done to get you there.
I’m going to say that this is a very Lion Badger fantasy in the specifics. Slide under the radar for years and years, get people to trust you… and then when you have the dirt on everyone, BOOM - Lion primary activates. But *overall* - it’s a revolutionary fantasy, and that’s Double Lion.
I’m trying to come up with more information for a possible secondary but I really am coming up blank. I hope there’s some key information up there that’s a secondary placement hiding in wait. Sorry for the long post. I hope you at least have fun with it! I love snappy personality systems like this, it was at least fun to write.
PS - After reading some more I am thinking snake might be less of a model and more of a secondary I simply took some time to grow into and use effectively. I have always struggled with feeling like a bad person for sometimes prioritizing groups over others- I got myself into a lot of middle school drama for trying to climb the social ladder and ditching some good friends in the process. Which, you know, hilarious in retrospect because it was middleschool, not corporate.
Awww. Baby glory hound lion.
I was a compulsive liar when I was younger, trying to get people to like me and to be a part of the group. I used to be convinced I was a master manipulator when I was really just an autistic kid trying to survive and not be othered (which was worse than death at the time.) I still struggle with this, seeing people as social ladder points.
Hmm. You know, this definitely DOES sound like a Badger secondary model.
I don’t know if my mask ever comes off around other people, but after moving out from my (mildly emotionally abusive) parents and living with my aunt I can see myself becoming more blunt and less pandering.
GOOD. That seems like it was 100% the right move for you. And part of that bluntness is you getting to be more comfortable not masking… but you know. I haven’t seen you use it really, but I do suspect you may have some Lion secondary under there.
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a-dragons-journal · 2 years
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not to bring kff discourse into your house, but recently i encountered some people who said that they “didn’t take kin that seriously” but also held spiritual beliefs about their kin types & seemed to genuinely identify as them to at least some extent. and that got me thinking: i bet there’s a lot of ‘kins who feel alienated from the whole otherkin/therian community & how, for lack of a better term, intense it can seem at times, and sort of end up downplaying their own experiences. i know that im not particularly active in the therian community for similar reasons — my theriotype is spiritually & personally important to me, but it’s just one aspect of my life & identity, and i don’t personally feel the need to blog about it or write essays about it or what have you. i think it might be just a more lowkey, not particularly exciting or interesting part of life for some ‘kins
You're absolutely right that a lot of people just don't care enough about their nonhumanity to participate in the community, and that's totally fine - and, let's be real, it's also just one aspect of my life and identity, y'all just only really see me talk about it because I have a sideblog specifically dedicated to it (unless you also follow my main, in which case you do see all the other nonsense I'm invested in and know just how true this is). That's always been the case and it's totally fine; you're not obligated to be super actively engaged with every demographic you're technically a part of.
There's also definitely a fair number of people who are legitimately nonhuman but feel alienated because the community is too intense, which might be a problem or might be fine depending on the individual (because again, you're not obligated to be involved if you don't really care about it enough to do so, but if you want to be involved and feel scared to be that's a problem) - or... because they feel like they're not allowed to have fun with their kintypes, which is the thing I feel like is most likely an actual problem.
But like... honestly, I don't actually know how to fix that at this point. If you're actually active in the community, or even just follow the otherkin tag, you see how much of the content posted there is extremely casual and having fun. I literally just reblogged a for-kicks-and-giggles silly 30 day challenge a couple days ago, and I'm probably on the more serious end of the spectrum as far as typical post content goes. The community is already a lot less hyperserious than it used to be (which I don't think is a bad thing, even if sometimes I wish there was a bit more in the way of serious discussion posts). It honestly seems to me like there's already plenty of space for people to joke around and not be super serious about their 'kinity. Very, very rarely you come across someone who genuinely thinks you shouldn't ever joke around about or have fun with being 'kin or you're a Faker, but it is most definitely not the majority of the community and those people usually find themselves pretty ostracized because they're usually not super enjoyable to be around.
But, to your point on KFF discourse and how that's affected this whole thing, there are people who see "stop claiming this is something you do for fun and that's the entire purpose" and somehow read that as "you're not allowed to have fun with being 'kin at all," and genuinely I do not know why people think the former leads to the latter because it doesn't imply that at all, that's actually a pretty giant leap in logic from one to the other in my humble opinion. Which means I don't really know how to fix it other than to keep banging pots and pans like I already have been about how those two statements are not remotely the same.
But that's just my two cents' worth on the whole "the community's too serious and it drives people away" thing.
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mellicy · 1 year
Text
Dear therapist,
I told you I would tell you more about the hacker next time but I'm afraid you will not like what I have to say. I am going to singlehandedly destroy your image of me. An image of someone logical and level-headed. You will expect me to explain why I still talk to her and I will have no good answer. No, that's not true. It's not your job to expect things. Nonetheless, I will not give you a satisfactory answer. I could say that it's because I'm lonely, because I'm single or any number of things. But you see, the truth is; the hacker is special. She's different from most people I know. She says that she doesn't care... about other people. She's the only one who will say so. Can I even count how many people have only pretended to care? And am I really any different? Me, who sees everyone else as supporting characters in a film. Me, who sees myself as the tragic heroine. In fact, the mere fact that she admits it even in passing means that she craves some sort of connection. She wants to be understood, even if I'm sure it far from keeps her up at night. And I want to be understood. I want to be understood as well.
Regardless, you will not like what I have to say. My acquaintance with her has not been fruitful in any sense. I keep insisting on talking to her even though she barely reciprocates any interest. I hang on to the few times she has flirted with me and keep running after her like a lost puppy. If she knew how I feel she would probably deem me too troublesome and never talk to me again. I communicate to her that I will not change my behavior towards her no matter how she treats me or how she ignores me. Sooner or later, one week or two months later I will text her again and be eager to know what she's doing. I will repeat the cycle over and over again. No wonder she thinks I'm an airhead. You will think, no, you will know that I have to stop talking to her. You will want to work on reducing her presence from my life. To the point where I feel no need to talk to her. To the point where doing so becomes a nicety I do to pass time once a year. This is however inevitable. It's the reality of our future. What if I say I simply want to postpone it?
Why do I still talk to the hacker? I don't know. I always do the things I shouldn't. Just as Alice in Wonderland said "I give myself very good advice but I very seldom follow it". My curiosity plays tricks on me. Curiosity about who this person whose face I've never seen is. Could she be an old man missing half of his teeth that walks with a cane? Maybe she's a high peofile criminal, wanted by the interpol. No, I'm just misguiding you. I met the hacker when I was seventeen. I was attracted to her after seeing her borderline rude posts online. She was the first woman that flirted with me. She was unfiltered and she made silly jokes. I liked her attitude back then. I still like it. That hasn't changed. She's different from most people I meet. She's free. No, she's not. She captures the essence of freedom. I still feel free when I'm with her. And I feel constrained, unable to express my feelings. Always stuck in am endlessly sweet charade, afraid she will get sick of me.
Dear therapist, you will not like what I have to say because I will keep talking to the hacker nor will I stop thinking about her. Dear therapist, I made this blog just to talk about her. All my stories and my dreams have been about her. I know, I don't expect anything from her. I want her to hurt me. I want to feel how I felt at seventeen. Just for a moment I want to graze that feeling of being infatuated. Just for a moment before it's gone. Therapist, I don't believe in love. I do what I can in this awful world.
Truly,
Mellicy.
P.S We will continue this awful conversation. I will tell you how I met the hacker. Or not. Does it matter if I don't?
P.S I hate these tags.
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