#partially related to my post from yesterday in a way

[squuote]

things in the game that feel connected to me in some way but I can't seem to explain why in the right words

The Stanley Parable Demo - The Skip Button Ending

#the stanley parable #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #based on that one post i reblogged recently #i love the format of screenshots with the dialogue pasted over it #very very good. gets my thoughts out without the trouble of words #partially related to my post from yesterday in a way #but ive had this thought on my mind longer than that post #i kinda wanna make more of these its very fun :-) #there was one other piece of dialogue i was going to add but it doesnt rlly fit this way #but thats ok :-P

[alangdorf]

Welp, the ref lineup still isn’t done cause I haven’t drawn Shion yet, and the belated valentines I’ve been working on are gonna be like at least a month late cause I just planned three more, but what I did do these past couple weeks is start writing a fanfic and then immediately abandon it to go draw a bunch of only tangentially-related suzutsubas (except for that first pic; that’s a scene from it, albeit one I haven’t written yet), only half of which are fit for public posting (one of ‘em I could make a few edits and feel ok about posting sometime; it’s not that out there, it’s just, y’know. Hamal Cine Bad End Hyperbolic Torture Chamber. I’m usually very “whatever happens happens” about my art but if I don’t show some restraint I know I’ll end up stuck in there forever), but hey, since I’ve been teasing them for ages and finally have some finished stuff with them, take a couple Suzumii! Also gonna ramble abt headcanons under the cut (and it will be LONG)

To begin, a note abt my Len’en gender/pronoun headcanons: as a they/them preferrer myself, I’m thrilled that most people just stick with those for everyone, but I’ve developed some more detailed headcanons as I go through working on designs and I’ll generally be using those. Don’t worry though, most of them are still nonbinary and basically all of them are trans/gq. Relevant ones for this post are Tsubakura: they/them nonbinary (transmasc to some degree) and Suzumi: cis female, question mark?? (to be elaborated on); for clarity’s sake I usually use she/her for Arde and Hamal Cine individually and plural they for the system collectively (also I don’t usually use their nicknames, dunno why), but singular they for Benet (the wiki says Benny is probably short for Benetnasch so I’m assuming that’s their actual name) for reasons which will also be elaborated on (sort of).

Aaalso this clearly isn’t autobiographical or anything but I think I’m subconsciously putting a lot of myself into Suzumi because 1) we do look pretty similar (brown wavy bob + blue eyes) and 2) given their current status as both the main antagonist and the most well-known plural Len’en character (I get the impression that Hooaka also being plural isn’t super common knowledge; I mean it took me several read-throughs of their wiki page and their dialogue with BPoHC Secret Team to get what they were getting at lol) I am probably way too anxious about doing a bad stereotype. Just an observation and also probably partially why I’ve even ended up with so much headcanon for them in the first place

And before I get into the thick of it, notes on derivations from canon: I’m running with the assumption that Suzumi being a system is a relatively recent development tied to whatever incident it was that caused the falling-out, since Tsubakura is like the only person who seems at all familiar with Hamal (including Mitori/Chouki/Fumikado, but they’re more easily explained away as just having met with one of the other alters the few times they’ve interacted) even though she’s supposedly usually the one fronting. They don’t seem to know the mechanics of it though, judging by their confusion when Arde implied that she and Hamal are different people. So basically, I’ll be referring to pre-incident Suzumi as a different character from any of the other three. (Ngl I am very influenced by Dissociation Constant on that and just in general [when will my wife The One and Only Suzutsuba Fic return from the war…..]) I was also debating whether to have Suzumi have any history with the gang before starting to work at the lab/whether stuff would happen around high school or college age, cause they keep referring to everything happening “a long time ago” and I know I, a 24-year-old, feel like stuff that happened five years ago was like yesterday, but I do have the pandemic and not really doing much of anything for most of that time to reckon with so like, eh. College age makes more sense in my head and so does the dynamic of like, Suzumi was only introduced into the friend group (she was acquainted w Hoojiro and Yabu already though bc lab) because she was dating Tsubakura and since that ended, and badly (understatement of the century), they have extremely little reason to be civil with each other and also interacting at all is really awkward.

Ok now on with it! Either end of high school or beginning of college, Suzumi ends up interning at Tsubakura’s lab for college credit (Tsuba’s already practically a department head despite being like 17 or something because. Idk. Who even knows what’s up with them) and she’s like. Only wears t-shirts and jeans (bought a bunch of khakis for this job though), [reading] glasses from the men’s section, hates leaving her hair down (it’s lab safety anyways). Repressed queer in denial, you know the type. Starts interacting a lot with Mx. Tsubakura “wears short shorts that everybody thinks are actually a skirt and also uses ore and omae almost exclusively” Enraku who seems to have everything all figured out and is immediately starstruck (GIRL WHY?? they are such a mess). Lots of “do I want to date them or do I want to be them” confusion (this will be relevant later); eventually evolves into the “am I trans or just a lesbian” question (not that they would need to be attracted to women to be into Tsubakura but you get the picture), which never quite gets answered.

In any case, they do eventually start dating (Tsubakura thinks she’s cute and smart so they reciprocate), and they’re not like super great together cause Tsubakura is emotionally constipated at the best of times (Suzumi’s into that though) and neither of them are the most mentally/emotionally healthy people even back then and also Tsubakura is more or less Suzumi’s boss which is weird, but they’re kind of ok??? Tsubakura’s mom dies at some point, also they move in together (college housing is expensive), the rest of the crew at the very least tolerate Suzumi, etcetera.

And then…! [insert catastrophic event here]!! I don’t have a shot to call on this yet cause I have no idea what it could’ve been (and I’m sure it’ll get revealed at some point anyways); I’m just banking on it being something extremely not mundane and something where you could reasonably set the blame on either (or neither) party cause they sure both seem convinced the other is way worse, huh! In Tsubakura’s case at least, blaming Suzumi is partially a defense mechanism so their self-loathing doesn’t get the better of them over it (guess what the fic was supposed to be about, lol).

The worst part of all this business though is that they DON’T break up over it immediately and it just makes everything orders of magnitude worse for everyone involved. Tsubakura and Arde have hate sex MORE THAN ONCE………… they would both really rather forget about it. Hamal thinks it’s hilarious, ofc, but the less said about her, the better. And Benet… exists??? The only idea that I’m running off of for them atm is the observation that I think they’re the only character with flat black eyes other than Tsubakura/Tsurubami and the subsequent idle thought, “hey if someone malded so hard about a breakup that they ended up with an introject of their ex would that be messed up or what?” So make of that what you will. (Oh and it may have been obvious that this is what I was going for but Hamal is femme and Arde is butch and they’re constantly squabbling abt aesthetic presentation. Having Arde be straight-up male would’ve been too straightforward of an interpretation and I think it’s funnier this way)

The canonically mentioned murder attempts start taking place and I’m leaning towards Tsubakura eventually being convinced to move out even though it was originally their apartment, albeit mostly just because the wikipedia page for house sparrows mentions that they’re known to take over swallows’ nests, usually after they’ve been abandoned, but they will sometimes drive away or kill the current occupants, and that was a very fun fact to come across when specifically doing research for Len’en but idk how else to incorporate it lol. And so on and so forth up until the present time.

Uhhh is that all I have atm? I think so! Anyway, I think I finally shook out all my suzutsuba doodles (and rambling, though I do still have that fic to work on. idk whether I’ll be able to finish it though; I started strong with an extended metaphor in the middle but Iiiii’m not sure if I can successfully write my way up to it while making it make sense. Also I may draw pretty slow but I write even slower!! Eh I’m sure I’ll post some of it sometime) for the time being so I should theoretically be able to finish up my bigger projects now. Maybe I’ll have the valentines ready in time for white day? We’ll see!

#art #len’en #tsubakura enraku #suzumi kuzu #suzutsuba #btw sorry if that’s like not the right ship name lol I saw like one person use it but there’s not much in the tag but that might just be #bcuz ppl don’t seem to make much for it anyways #digital #I should probably ask for len’en discord recommendations sometime soon just given the Circumstances #namely if tumblr actually goes down the drain but also so my little sister doesn’t have to keep watching me have a mental breakdown live #(hi Val!!) #briefly looked into the wiki’s server but that has A THOUSAND MEMBERS?? scary….. #ough FINALLY this post took me like a full day to write #also of note: these are essentially silly little doodles and I got kind of lazy with them #and I still don’t know how to draw Tsubakura’s hat or hair….. #idk why I’ve been having so much trouble differentiating how I draw Suzumi and Tsubakura’s hair but I have and it’s weird

[hikennosabo]

#tristampparty day 2, episode 2: the running man

day 2 of @tristampparty!! i have less to say about this episode than the first one so hopefully this will be a shorter post than yesterday LOL

iirc this is 98 knives's seiyuu on the radio, right?!!! i am only about halfway through my jp 98 watch and can't recognize him by ear (yet) but i think it's very neat that the original seiyuus have cameos :')

also vash keeping the photo with him What If I Ate Rocks

he is such a kicked puppy of a man

why does roberto say revenge. what does he mean. what does he know. what has he figured out from knowing vash for maybe like a few hours. or is he just throwing that out there without realizing how close he is to the truth. partially, anyway. he didn't guess the savior complex part.

i'm not entirely sure what meryl means by honor...? but money is a pretty normal reason to want a plant, as we've seen and as we'll continue to see.

i like how meryl has a fear of bugs... i can relate lol. i think this character trait comes from the manga when she was kidnapped by zazie and was grossed out? i think here it also serves to reinforce her being sheltered, still unfamiliar with the world at large since worms are everywhere--WAIT HOLD ON.

PAUSE. ZOOM. ENHANCE.

RAI-DEI SPOTTED?!?!??!?! this rewatch is becoming an I Spy game with the wanted posters, jfc.

man i'm so glad i finally downloaded tristamp so i can appreciate the visuals without the crunchiness of streaming video... i can't do the animation justice with just screenshots but i love watching vash scamper around like a... i don't know. he scampers like a cockroach in 98, but this is giving a different vibe. like a... something. like a creature.

i also want to take a second to appreciate how gorgeous the backgrounds are, like,

i loooove the backgrounds, it looks like... maybe a mix of markers and colored pencil... i love the detail and the colors are so pleasing. this is such a gorgeous anime to look at, i don't know how anyone could possibly say it looks bad without them just blindly hating it because it's 3dcg. god i'm getting so distracted looking at the backgrounds that i'm missing the action AND the subtitles LOL

wasn't there a post somewhere that actually calculated how much a bullet is worth based on this information. i don't remember what conclusion it came to. but i'm thinking either food is expensive (tbh, likely) or bullets are inexpensive and vash is just poor (also likely). also it's funny that the dub changed this to donuts. ...where are the donuts at in tristamp anyway...

roberto lmao 😭😭😭😭😭 i guess that's one way to guarantee it doesn't spill

roberto up until this point has acted like meryl is dragging him along unwillingly, but here he's the one telling meryl to get in the car so they can get a move on, lol. yeah yeah we all already know he's actually a softie and that he really cares underneath his aloof demeanor.

which brings us to this scene... i don't want to say that he has vash "all figured out" because obviously he doesn't, but he's got SOME of vash figured out at least. definitely more than meryl atp. he knows vash is running from knives... i wonder how this conversation would have gone if they weren't interrupted.

yeah i don't really have that much to say about this ep, relatively speaking... i don't have any deep thoughts about the nebraskas, they're just comic relief villains anyway, i don't care about them that much, even though tristamp kind of tries to make us care a little bit by the end of this episode...

next episode is gonna be a doozy though. ohohohohohoho.

#tristampparty #trigun talk #june speaks #i need to not do these right before i go to bed lol

[forabeatofadrum]

Happy Out of Touch Thursday and remember the 21st of September yada yada. Thank you @artsyunderstudy, @larkral and @wellbelesbian for the tags yesterday. I didn't have time yesterday to post since I am super busy with my new degree and it's Not Going Well, but I do have something to say (partially regarding my degree, but more on that later.)

Remember my myosotis plant? The one who was thriving, but suddenly started dying? Well, a while ago I got rid of the dead parts so that the plant could focus on the new ones and this is her now:

It's nowhere as grandiose as before (the plants don't even grow that high so I had to make a photo from a bird's perspective), but she's alive and that's all that matters!

NOW. FIC STUFF. MY DEGREE. WHAT DO THEY HAVE IN COMMON? Time After Time, my MCD Snowbaz fic where Simon dies in the White Chapel and where an immortal Baz only sees him every 20 years when the Veil is lifted. I started a new philosophy master and again if we ignore the fact that I am terrible at it (so far), I actually have something that's on my mind and I have a question for people who've read it.

Spoilers for the ENDING of Time After Time under the cut. Do not read it if you haven't read Time After Time.

So first, the weather: @quizasvivamos @blurglesmurfklaine @coffeegleek @esperantoauthor @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @bazzybelle @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @moodandmist @whogaveyoupermission @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @ionlydrinkhotwater @1908jmd @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @chen-chen-chen-again-chen​ @cutestkilla ​ ​ @martsonmars​ @facewithoutheart ​ @shrekgogurt @boyinjeans @rockitmans @bitbybitwrites @blackberrysummerblog @whatevertheweather

Okay, I am not sure how many people will read this, but if you're here, hi! And if you're here, you know that Time After Time ends with the end of the universe.

Or maybe you didn't know that and you're just here for the philosophical ride, which is fine.

So, Baz is immortal, but again, without an universe to exist in, he perishes as well. But OH? What is this? The chapter continues with Baz... being somewhere.

I wrote all of this with only a very basic idea of Descartes' cogito (which is the fancy word for the "I think, therefore I am" quote). In fact, I mostly knew it from a Klaine fic, which isn't surprising, and this was a very, very obscure homage to a fic that has nothing to do with this one. But now that I am actually delving into Descartes' philosophy on substance dualism, I am looking at this passage in a complete new way.

A basic bitch explanation of (substance) dualism is that it's the philosophical belief that there's a separation between body and mind. Descartes questions everything, including the existence of reality, which includes his own existence. He realises that he has, in his opinion, reasons to doubt whether his physical body exists, but the fact that he doubts means that he has a mind, and therefore, he cannot doubt that his mind exists. Get it? Hence, "I think, therefore I am" refers to him being able to rationalise his thoughts about existence, whatever they might be.

The relation between his body and mind is causal. If he has a mind, he can imagine having a body. They are separate entities, hence the whole dualism thing, but they co-exist. But since it's causal, you can say that you need to be able to understand the existence of your body by thinking about it. After all, your body moves according to what you mentally want it to do. Or that is what Descartes says. Full disclosure, dualism no longer holds up due to neuroscience, but whatever. The idea still stands and philosophy is all about ideas!

If you wish, you can reread the passage I just added above. Freaky, right?

Given that Descartes was trying to rationalise existence in general, and I wrote into the fic that Baz thinks of the existence of his body... my question for readers is this: Do you think Baz and Simon still exist?

I have thought a lot about this second ending, and I asked a previous question. I didn't mean to write some philosophical shit, but here we are. Descartes would argue that Baz exists, since he thinks. Because what is existence? After all, Baz is very well aware of the fact that there's nothing.

If this is non-existence, then what does non-existence even entail? He and Simon can spend the rest of whatever this is wherever they are, but what are they?

But then again, isn't his awareness of nothing proof that there is something? Isn't his perception of non-existence the proof of existence? Or is this the perfect "proof" that dualism is real in the Carry On universe, namely that the mind can continue to exist as a separate entity? But then how does that relate to Baz "feeling" corporeal? He has shoulders, because he wants to have them? Or does he even have shoulders? Maybe he's just under the impression that he has them.

(For the story's sake, let's say that he does have them. Otherwise we can argue that Simon actually doesn't show up at the end, since nothing is real, and that makes me upsetti spaghetti. I mean, Baz says it at the end. He doesn't have time to ponder whether this is real.) (But for philosophy's sake: is Simon even real???? And if nothing is real, then how can Baz no have time???? PHILOSOPHY!)

I am aware I am going all over the place and I am also aware there might not be a clear cut answer. That is how philosophy works. I admit, I don't even know if Simon and Baz exist at that point. I purposefully left it up in the air. The idea of them reuniting is cathartic, but it is indeed just an idea. But all this dualism shit did make me appreciate this chapter more and I think I am free to appreciate my own stuff, so I am asking the question.

So: do you think Simon and Baz exist at the end of the fic? And follow-up question: does it even matter?

----

----

---

As an extra, this is Simon's POV from the last three chapters of Time After Time. I did come up with that while writing the fic, but I never found space to add it: basically, as Simon said before, time passes weirdly. So for him, no time has passed. He moved on. He disappeared from Baz's flat, where they danced and said goodbye, and the next thing he knows, he's at the spot where the second epilogue takes place. He's a bit confused, because "is this the next step?" and stuff, but then he sees Baz. Baz is there with him, so he reaches out and smiles when Baz turns towards him. The implication here is that whatever is next after the Veil is supposed to be paradise or whatever you want to call it. It's supposed to be the thing you want. And what Simon ultimately wants is to be with Baz. Awwww!

#story: time after time #tagged in #wip wednesday #or more like surprise philosophy class thursday

[primetimes-primetime]

alright. so, i know ive already made a post about this on my main, but im stupid and went to the original tweet and just made myself angry again.

TW// T-CEST UNDER THE CUT

alright, so a couple days ago i rbed a screenshot of a certain story board artist's tweet about being the one to put tcest in the show.

i dont know why or how, but i found my way onto twitter and to the original tweet that this guy made.

for context, sheldon here was a storyboard artist for Rise and the scene they are talking about here is this one from the Lair Games episode-

i partially explain again why this is horrible and disgusting and partially why i dont believe or accept sheldon's... i dont even know what to call it. his response (the top post in the first screenshot)

part one

since i literally just rbed something about this, im just going to copy/paste my rb and add onto it a little.

" no but when i found out that some of the artists who originally worked on Rise were t-cesters and proshippers i was actually so fucking pissed off.

there are part of this community that are actually god damn disgusting, and im not afriad to say that tcest is fucking rancid and if you support it i dont want you near the content that i create.

first of all, it is literally incest. it says so right in the name. which, i really hope i dont have to explain why incest is bas in the ripe year of 2022. I don't care that they arent "blood-related". They were fucking raised as brothers, treated like brothers, and think of each other as brothers. No matter how hard you try to spin it, no matter how hard you argue that they arent technically related, you have to understand that they see and think of each other as brothers, which should be enough to make this incest.

this show was amazing when it came to family dynamics and brotherly love/trust/bonds. i can say with confidence that the brothers in Rise are much more brotherly/closer than any other previous versions. it's obvious to see that they love and care and want to protect one another. to turn platonic and love for one's family into something so gross and vile is taking all of the healthy emotional bonds between these characters and throwing it out the window.

i cant fuckung believe i have to say this every time i come back into the tmnt fandom, but-

THEY ARE MINORS.

sure, with the recent Rise movie we saw an adult leo, but heres the thing- that version of leo is fucking dead. he literally got fucking beamed out of existence.

the fact that every one of these brothers are under the age of 18 and i still see so much nsfw art is absolutely horrid.

finally, it's a kid's show. sure, many of us in the community are teens, later teens, and grown adults, but that does not change that this show was originally created to bring the tmnt franchise into yet another generation of kids. again, i sincerely hope that i dont need to explain why implying incest in kids shows (or really any TVs shows, for that matter) is morally wrong and vile.

literally yesterday me and some of my mutuals had to go through a lot of our content to re-tag a whole bunch of our posts tagged with "tcest dni" because tumblr's tagging system is actual shit. there shouldnt even be a tcest community, outside of it impeding on the rest of us Rise fans.

sorry this is such a long post but im so tired of seeing / hearing about tcest. its gross, disgusting, icky, etc etc. it is 6:30 am and i woke up and saw this and decided to fucking say something, because tcest has actively made my experience coming back into the tmnt community and fandom worse. "

and i still stand by that. seeing so much tcest- and from the artists on the rise crew, no less- is making my journy back into the tmnt fandom so, so much worse. it is actively hurting a lot of people- which brings me to one specific tweet from this thread.

so, to start- i do not, i repeat- DO NOT condone or promote sending death threats to people or telling them to kill themselves.

second- it isnt. harmless. reminder, again, that this is a

CHILDREN'S. SHOW.

you are talking about MINORS IN INCESTUAL RELATIONSHIPS. "harmless fiction" my ass.

part two

ok. so as you can see in the original screenshot, you can see that sheldon is passing this off as a joke. but i honestly cannot believe him when he says this.

why, i hear you asking. well,

look at the time stamp. 2020, nearly three years ago now, when the Lair Games episode had just come out.

why didn't he say it was a joke three years ago, when he first posted the storyboard clip? because he isnt fucking joking. either that or he is just really so fucking dense that he doesn't realize that what he's doing is not funny in any way, shape or form.

which brings me to my next point.

even if it is all just a joke,

why the fuck are you joking about minors participating in fucking incest?

its fucking nasty even if it is a joke. i genuinely shouldnt need to say anymore on why this is fucking horrid.

well. ive taken up enough of your time- i appreciate you reading to the end and i apologize for making this so long. a quick, final word in case you got this far and are a tcester or support tcest-

kindly fuck off, do not interact with me, unfollow me, and block me :] i dont want your nasty ass incest anywhere fucking near me or this blog.

thanks ! :D

#ooc post #primetimes-primetime

[zeynatura]

While this post was written after watching ep 5 of Extraordinary Attorney Woo is more of a personal vent so feel free to ignore specially if you’re looking for something about the kdrama.

Oh no, this episode made me realize why i am so affected by the recent ‘fight’ i had with my friends.

Autistic people can’t lie, well i sure as hell can’t and my word was questioned by my friends yesterday, it all started with a small argument about the reason why i did something that is too long and too specific to share here, but it is or i thought was harmless.

The event happened months ago and my memory isn’t reliable so i don’t remember most of what happened back then, what i do remember was my logic behind what i did and so i told my friends the whole explanation of what the thoughts running through my mind at the moment where and why i did what i did. And i was expecting my friends to just accept my reason and let it go but no, they were insisting that the reason was a different one.

And at first i was too taken aback because how would they know my reasons of doing things better than me? Seems impossible, right? Unless there were evidence that supported their claim but what i did (and i know this sounds suspicious as heck but believe me if you knew what i’m talking about you’ll think it’s stupid) left no evidence of what happened even less about why it happened.

So i asked them why they didn’t accept my reason and one of them told me that i’ve lied previously about some other topic so it wouldn’t surprise them to think i was lying again and another friend agreed. And that other topic is a technicallity, it’s about a specific term used for a specific action (again with the mystery, i know) my understanding of that term is different than that of my friends, so to me i don’t partake on what the term stands for but my friends think i do, and they know that our understanding of it is different and nobody went to go look up a definition of the term to reach a middle ground or something so everyone was kind of on their own, or more like they were on one side and i was on the other one. 

And it’s something like “skipping” and i think it only counts if i land on one feet while my friends think it counts if i land on both as well. So they think me saying i don’t skip as i land on both feet is lying, because they consider i do skip.

I told them again that our understanding for that one was different and wasn’t related to the discussion we were having at that second, and that same friend said: but it does, because i know you lied before so now i can’t trust anything you say.

And that’s where my heart broke.

Firstly because that was news to me, secondly because nothing i say is gonna “fix” it, i can’t make them trust me with articulated thoughts.

I was and still am confused on why would they doubt me? why would they think i would lie? why would i lie about it? it doesn’t make sense, i wouldn’t lie about something i thought was trivial let alone if it was something serious. To me lying isn't an option, i forget people can and do lie all the time.

I was completely speechless until i decided i had enough, i dont’t deserve to be treated this way and i’m about to cry, so i left, and i haven’t talk to them since.

And for the first time in a long while i felt lost, i didn’t know what to do, who to go to for counsel, because at moments like this i would have gone to my mom but she’s not here anymore, and the second best option would have been the friends i was running away from.

After that i just felt like a burden and didn’t want to bother anyone else so i just cried, and cried, for hours until i fell asleep.

Is not the first time i get into a misunderstanding with my friends but is the first time it has affected me this much, and partially is because i am in such a vulnerable state everything affects me x100, I was already a very sensible person now it’s worse.

I can’t help but wonder if all of this happened because i’m autistic and they’re allistic.

I still don’t know what to do, because i hate confrontations and i’m scared of loosing them, also i don’t think i can talk to them without crying and tomorrow we’ll have our dnd session and i am desperately distracting my mind from the issue by watching this kdrama but it indirectly reminded me of it and now i’m back to 0.

#super personal #tw death of a loved one #vent post #autistic #zeynatura #why would they trust their assumptions more than the word of a friend?

[pazodetrasalba]

Trad (& 3)

Dear Caroline:

I was quite happy yesterday for finding a way (via The Wayback Machine) to listen to The FTX Podcast #7, which was a half-hour conversation with you. Not that any of the information in it was new, but it always delights me to hear your voice.

Here goes the last panel in this triptych of tradition and the song of the heart. I would say that your old motto 'the sexual revolution was a mistake', which you later seemed to have (at least partially) relinquished is far from being some crazy, ultraconservative and irrational stance to take. Witness, among others, a recent book that was published last year and which you may have read: Louise Perry's The Case Against the Sexual Revolution. And I think it is not difficult to steelman some of the arguments you make in your post.

There are many aspects in which the Sexual Revolution was, of course, both a necessity and a liberation, giving women freedom and power over their bodies and their sexuality, and in line with the other rights they had been progressively acquiring since the previous century. And yet some of its consequences can definitely be perceived as unsavory and downright bad. You speak of a 'hookup-up' culture in your youth, which I suspect has only become less salient because it has become ubiquitous, more normalized and accepted as a given. Some would argue that such a culture is connected to a superficial and instrumental view of sexuality as casual and attachment-free leisure that many women (whether it be from cultural or evolutionary reasons, or a combination of both) find ultimately abusive, unsatisfactory and hurtful. And because of issues with hypergamy, many men would be quite resentful too, and highly unwilling to commit to women who previously ignored them while immersed in the Garden of Earthly Delights.

As for the problems of serial monogamy, I can easily concur with most of your arguments. In my naive, Marxist phase I would have gleefully described both this and the hookup culture that precedes it as a the 'commodification of sentimental relationships' under capitalism, in which under its cultural aegis, people are treated not only as means, but as expiry-date goods to be consumed and thrown away with ease. Today I would force myself to acknowledge that even before capitalism there were bad and instrumental uses of the affections, but I think I would still agree that our cultural and technological developments, along with the loss of force of old religious and moral standards, have led to an exponential increase of this curve of unhappiness and frustration. I am not as sure, though, about the speed with which you can optimize the search for a compatible partner, and long-term stability relies on values like faithfulness, commitment, duty, a willingness to persist in the face of (inevitable) change and temptation, all of which are becoming very rare and very little cultivated, if they are not already at an all-time nadir. Like religious faith, there is a lot of the selfless and the jumping into the unknown which people seem no longer willing to sport.

And I don't think there is a clear turning back, except for isolated cases and communities. In some of your earliest posts you quoted an essay that makes the case that this is precisely how the elites maintain their privileges: 'In upper class circles, liberal social values do not necessarily lead to libertinism among the people who hold them, and indeed quite often coexist with an impressive amount of personal conservatism, personal restraint'.

I confess to being intrigued, though, on what your current take on these issues might be, as you confess to 'it just feels a bit boring to me these days' and you hint vaguely at some other parts of 'trad' you might have come to think of as wrong. One would guess you have become more stereotypically aligned with rationalist practices, even if what you were sentimentally searching for at about the time of this post was for 'a long-term monogamous relationship'. Personally, I like to go even beyond MacAskill's long-termism, and more towards 'forever' sub specie aeternitatis.

Quote:

Woman is the dominant sex. Men have to do all sorts of stuff to prove that they are worthy of woman's attention.

Camille Paglia

#caroline ellison #tradition

[omgblackashposts-blog]

I've (Becky) been creating various stands for pooktre's jewellery that we have here in Portugal. As part of that process, I've been creating masters and then making the stands. Which sounds simple hey! But part of this fun has been lifecasting my lower leg, sculpturing a lower arm, and creating a bust. Then create one stand from each master to test. I'm pleased with the arm and leg,  but still working on the bust. The bust will be the master for 3 different but related stands. Neckpieces, crowns and earpieces. Yesterday I created a test to see if the master of the ear part of the bust was going to be the right size for the earpieces.  I've created the ear master separated from the bust at the moment till I was sure of the resulting stand created.  Hence the making of the test stand. This stand was only a partial build just enough to know whether or not to go ahead with adding the ear master to the bust. These stands are all part of a long term plan of finding gallery or galleries to display our grown jewellery range. Ideally, we love the grown jewellery to do a tour around Europe, Asia and/or the rest of the world. Or some other way to exhibit the grown jewellery range. We are open to any ideas! Anyway, the whole reason for the post was Pete being inspired to take some photos of the test stand for the earpiece.

#Uncategorized #gradualmethod #grownjewellry #harvestedart #shapedtrees #tour #workinprogress

[bizarrequazar]

Another version of a water army: The fake following of @JusticeForZhangZheHan

[twitter thread summarizing this essay, please retweet it if you agree]

Yesterday, two accounts on Twitter made tweets about Zhang Sanjian which got a fair amount of attention for how they prioritized Zhang Sanjian over Zhang Zhehan. “Zhehan I love you. But lately i love sanjian more ...” These tweets came across as obviously inflamatory, so I decided to check something—were these real people? A very quick check revealed that they were not: both accounts had been created years ago, yet they had no posts until the last few months when they suddenly started tweeting about almost nothing but Zhang Zhehan.

Those who have been following developments about Zhang Zhehan’s case on Twitter are probably familiar with the user JusticeForZhangZheHan (nicknamed and hereafter referred to as Justina). This account has become a driving force among the English community for supporting Zhang Sanjian and directing hate and false accusations against Gong Jun, including making unfounded claims of him being the mastermind behind 813. Despite her name, she does very very little to actually seek justice, instead persistently harrassing larger accounts that discuss information about his case. This account boasts 773 followers at the time of writing this.

The question is, how many of these followers are actual people who believe what she’s saying? How can we tell?

Method

The data presented below was collected by myself on the evening of March 21st 2022. As a representative sample, I started at the top of Justina’s follower list and checked every fifth account until I had looked at 100. Privated accounts were skipped. When I encountered an empty account—one with no tweets or retweets—I noted down that it existed then checked the one directly beneath it; these serve only to fill the base statistic and are not included in the further analysis. For each account with tweets, I checked what month and year the account had been registered in, then scrolled down until I reached the earliest post that still remains on it and took note of the date. I tried to look only at original tweets for this as there’s no way (to my knowledge) to look when something was retweeted, but retweets were counted for accounts that had no original tweets.

All of this should be very easily replicable for anyone who doesn’t trust my word on it.

I did not take statistical data on when the accounts had most recently posted, nor what the content of the accounts’ tweets were, though I’ve noted down some of my observations.

Findings and Evidence

The first thing to take into account is empty accounts. Of the hundred accounts checked, 33 did not have any content, leaving 67 to be looked at further. Taking it as a percent, this already brings Justina’s follower count to 518 rounding up.

Next is the matter of when accounts were registered. Of the 67 remaining accounts, 30 had been created in or following August 2021, with 18 created since the start of 2022.

Of the 37 accounts registered before 813, 10 had not made tweets within the last year. One notable account registered in 2009 had not been active since 2013, and reading the tweets indicated that the user had likely committed suicide. 

Almost all of the accounts with older tweets had ones from within a few months after they had been registered, had gone inactive for a period of at least a year, then had suddenly started tweeting/retweeting about Zhang Zhehan following 813, even if they had never tweeted about anything related to pop culture previously. In some cases, older posts indicated that the account had either been hacked at some point or had been created as a bot only to be abandoned. One was still an active spam account. A number of accounts had previously tweeted in other languages only to switch to English when they started tweeting about Zhang Zhehan; several of these had a transition where posts about Zhang Zhehan were created in the original language, then slowly changed partially or wholly to English.

Moving onto when the accounts’ earliest tweets were made, 48 of the 67 accounts did not have any tweets from before 813, with 29 not having any tweets until 2022. To compare: 67.5% of the accounts existing before 813 did not make their “first tweet” until after it. 

I have been made aware that there is a flaw in my data about old accounts that appear to only have recent tweets due to a feature of Twitter’s where older tweets are sometimes hidden on accounts with a high number of posts. I have all the accounts I checked for this written down and I will be going through them again using a workaround that lets me view their full tweet history. This only affects this one area of data and there are only a handful of accounts that this should apply to.

I apologize for not being aware of this sooner. Thank you to those who pointed it out and explained it to me. Please let me know if there are any further concerns.

Of the more recent accounts and the older accounts with only recent posts, those created in the last few months were often either very sparse with only perhaps a few dozen tweets, or else they had mass-retweeted hundreds of tweets about Zhang Zhehan over the course of a couple days. With one exception, every account where I noticed slander against Gong Jun had been created or had become active only in or after February.

Breaking it down further into dates, the highest amount of accounts—whether new or old—became active around early February and March 13th. The former was just before the six month marker from 813 when Zhang Sanjian was beginning to make his presence known, and the latter was when Zhang Zhehan’s fans on Twitter held an event to raise awareness about what had happened—an event during which Justina and her followers did not particpate other than to use it as an opportunity to slander Gong Jun. Furthermore, the two accounts I found that had become active on March 16th were one after the other:

Given that I was only checking every 5th account, this indicates that there was a significant rise in new followers for Justina that day, likely fueled by or in partner with the attack on Gong Jun that day (March 17th in China).

Conclusion

After looking at so many accounts, it is glaringly obvious that not simply the vast majority but almost all of Justina’s followers are fake. When I was going through them, there reached a point where I was hoping to find accounts that seemed legitimate just so my data wouldn’t seem intentionally skewed. Nearly every account I looked at had some indication of being fake—whether it was a newly registered account with a ton of activity, a huge gap in activity, no past history of interest in pop culture, a language discrepancy, or simply no content at all.

Of the the 100 accounts that I looked at, there were only 6 six that seemed as if they might be genuine—and that’s being generous. To apply those statistics to her entire follower count, Justina likely only has a real following of about 47 people, rounding up. The rest of them are artificially created to give the illusion of credibility.

JusticeForZhangZheHan is not an account that is on our side fighting for justice for Zhang Zhehan, despite what her handle claims. There is no army of followers at her side—only hundreds of suspicious accounts without real people behind them, which have seen a rise in number within just the last few weeks. Allowing people to believe what Justina says is dangerous, as whether intentional or not, she has become a vehicle for planted fake fans and toxic behaviour that is already serving to only hurt Zhang Zhehan more.

[twitter thread summarizing this essay, please retweet it if you agree]

#Zhang Zhehan #Zhang Sanjian #813 #woh cast #Word of Honor #I'm tagging those 'cause I KNOW most of you don't look at zzh's tag #I see you.

[garc-i-a]

Why JATP Is Taking a While to Get Officially Renewed

Thought I would put my thoughts into words on the renewal situation. We know that the show was released on Netflix on September 10, 2020. As of today, it has been 242 days (10 May 2021). Julie and the Phantoms was released under Netflix Family, marking it as a children’s show on the streaming service. It was released in the middle of the second wave of the coronavirus (in the US) that has swept the world over. The show was created by Kenny Ortega, legendary choreographer and director.

To start off, we have to acknowledge that we ARE in a pandemic. Due to that, things have been touch and go in so many industries. That includes the TV/Film industry as well. The US and Canada, the two countries involved in making the show, have to follow the rules and laws related to COVID regardless of what people in the industry want. With that, we have to pay attention to what is going on with the pandemic to know how to go about filming. 

As of right now, Canada still has closed borders from the US to nonessential travel. To get into Canada as a foreigner you have to be going for a specific reason and follow all the Covid related travel rules. To read more about this, you can go to canada.ca and type in for traveling during the pandemic. Not to mention that for a lot of areas in Canada, they are still essentially in lockdown because of the now rising numbers in the country. Charlie’s home province of New Brunswick is still pretty restricted. 

Regarding vaccinations, although the United States has been slowly getting people vaccinated, Canada has had issues with getting vaccinations and don’t nearly have as many vaccinated. It is only just a few days ago that New Brunswick started administering vaccinations in the last few days. The vaccinations are only for people who are 50+ who fall into specific medical condition guidelines. For British Columbia, where the show is filmed, vaccines started getting administered the third week of April. It is believed there is a chance of getting all* adults vaccinated by mid June. My source for this information is from a native New Brunswicker and a CTV News article.

For the cast, getting vaccinated is paramount. Owen is already vaccinated. Madison’s dad is also vaccinated so it is likely she is as well or part way there. Now for people who are NOT vaccinated yet, most vaccines are administered in two doses. The doses are done about three weeks apart (I am partially vaccinated and my first dose was already done and second is next week). This knowledge is important as people need to be aware of the timing of these things. The amount of time between vaccines and for everyone in the cast and crew is essential for everything to go smoothly with filming.

One of the big things that I have seen a lot is the outrage at other shows on Netflix being renewed before Julie and the Phantoms. There is a two fold answer to this. To start off, we have to remember that because of this pandemic, things take longer to process to be extra diligent and that more money is be used to cover for reconstructions and accommodations due to Covid. Knowing these two things, let’s delve into the renewals of other shows.

Some of the other shows that have been renewed are Fate: The Winx Saga, Bridgerton, Ginny and Georgia, and Emily in Paris. The big difference between these shows and Julie and the Phantoms is the fact they are not in the Netflix Family category. They are considered content for adults or young adults. Netflix has different rules on their shows that are put out on the regular platform versus the family section. Netflix Family rarely posts when a show is renewed so far from its premiere date for the next season. So in that respect, Julie and the Phantoms wouldn’t be given a huge announcement for the next season’s renewal if it follows the pattern of Netflix Family’s marketing.

Tying into this the matter of where the rest of the shows are filmed and the backing behind them in regards to production. The Winx show and Bridgerton are filmed in the UK, Ginny and Georgia is filmed in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and Emily in Paris is filmed on location in France. The reason that this matters is because these places have different rules for working during this pandemic, the vaccinations levels, and the threat of getting sick from Covid. These shows are also connected to larger properties or influential individuals*. Vancouver is a popular city to film in, of course, but it has been dealing with an uptick in cases as well as in a different province than Ginny and Georgia, and as such has their own rules. We cannot take into the likes of Riverdale or other shows that are filming right now in Vancouver. Lots of these shows were renewed and set to film already when the pandemic hit. They do not factor into things.

The last part of this is the production costs for making the show. As mentioned before, Vancouver is a popular city to film in. Due to the pandemic, it costs more to film because the need to have extra precautions, regular Covid testing, and etc. We know that there were shows that were initially renewed by Netflix but then canceled after the fact. The reason for this is that Netflix likely realized the cost to produce the shows would be too much and not in the best interest of the cast, crew, and any companies involved in the middle of such a huge reaching pandemic.

Compared to other shows in the Netflix Family section, Julie and the Phantoms has a high production level. I did some research on the Netflix originals in the section and the shows on there are either very low budget or have a backing from a franchise/company (ex. Baby Boss, Fast and Furious, Jurassic Park). Julie and the Phantoms does not have that. It is not connected to an established franchise or a large company. It is simply made by the likes of Kenny Ortega who does not skimp on anything in his productions. Kenny has stated that he is not willing to let the grandness of the show suffer because of the pandemic. The show has many crowd scenes and dancing sequences that require a lot of people. The show won’t be what it is without this. Based on this, we know that Netflix wants to be absolutely sure they can go forth with filming before announcing a renewal.

And there you guys go. All the information that I looked into and checked for this piece. I hope this helps many people understand what is going on why it is taking longer for the show to get renewed. It is not that Netflix doesn’t want to renew it. It is a matter of HOW and WHEN. If that makes sense. If you have any questions about what I wrote, you can leave a comment or DM me.

all*- Some individuals may not wish to be vaccinated

influential individuals*- There are people connected to some of the shows that have a standing within the media and the finances or awards to warrant being a part of the show or it being made at all.

Amendment

I was informed by my source in New Brunswick that vaccines have been administered since January but the qualification for who is eligible for the vaccines can change from week to week.

Amendment 2

Reuters has reported that children aged 12-15 are able to start getting the vaccine today (13 May 2021). So that means that Jadah and Sonny (15 and 13, respectively) will be fully vaccinated by the middle of June.

Amendment 3

A few days ago a local upstate New York newspaper wrote about Canada starting the process of opening up borders again. The process is in the beginning stages so there is no announced date(s) on the border reopening but it is in the works.

Amendment 4

A show called Firefly Lane has been renewed for a season 2. This is important because Firefly Lane is filmed in the same area of British Columbia as Julie and the Phantoms. British Columbia is getting better in regards to vaccinations and so this proves good news of a season 2 announcement for Julie and the Phantoms.

Amendment 5

It was reported on 21 or 22 June 2021 that Canada will relax quarantine rules for vaccinated Canadian citizens, permanent residents, and foreign nationals for essential work. This new system will go into effect 5 June 2021. If you are fully vaccinated and pass rules set by the government, you will NOT have to abide by the hotel quarantine steps when entering the country. That means that the JATP cast and crew can get to filming right away instead of quarantining beforehand. To read more about this: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.lonelyplanet.com/amp/articles/canada-border-reopening

Amendment 6

On Charlie’s live yesterday (28 June 2021), Madison said that she got the second dose of the vaccine earlier in the day. In 14 days, she will be good to go on going out and such. Hopefully Jadah and Sonny have gotten at least their first dose. Gets us closer to being able to have the cast and crew together for the show.

Amendment 7

The National Law Review published an article on 2 July 2021 saying that fully vaccinated individuals will be able to travel between Canada and the US on 21 July or possibly sooner. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau says he wants 75% of Canadians to be fully vaccinated before allowing the border to be opened. With current numbers, it is believed this will be achieved in a few weeks time.

Amendment 8

The New York Times just reported that fully vaccinated Americans could be allowed into Canada by mid August and that people from other countries could be allowed to enter by September.

Amendment 9

It was just reported about two hours ago that Canada will allow vaccinated Americans in on 9 August. That is exactly 3 weeks from now on a Monday. Now all we have to focus on is protocols for safety while in Vancouver while filming.

#julie and the phantoms #julie and the fat ones #julie and the himbos #jatp #renew jatp #renewjatpfors2 #madison reyes #charlie gillespie #owen patrick joyner #jeremy shada #jadah marie #savannah lee may #sacha carlson #booboo stewart #tori caro #cheyenne jackson #kenny ortega

[ficforthought]

On being SO DONE with M*sha, a rant a decade in the making!

After giving this some thought I'm going to go ahead and give my opinion on Misha and yesterday’s situation in public for the first time ever. I was going to just post on Twitter but since this has been 12 years in the making I have exceeded the number of tweets I can put in one thread! There’s A LOT in here, so my summary is also long. I'm aware that I will lose followers over this, I'm not looking to offend anyone but it will inevitably happen. I wish anyone leaving all the best as fellow human beings.

TL;DR - having kept quiet for so long I’ve finally reached my limit and it’s all come bubbling out. I’ve never been a fan of Misha, I’ve been ambivalent for the most part, but have never criticised him in any hateful way, that's not who I am, but after all these years of putting up with his bullshit, attention seeking and troublemaking I am DONE. Deleting his tweet containing the word Wincest and replacing it with an APOLOGY just to pander to his Minions and save face is the straw that broke the camel's back. He has consistently pushed his ship on not only fans but on other actors (despite Jensen's discomfort, and him having repeatedly made his feelings known on it), he has stood by while his Minions/Hellers have harassed, victimised, doxxed and sent death threats to people based on their FICTIONAL ships. He has pandered to their gatekeeping, constantly demanded attention in obvious and not so obvious ways, and to the best of my knowledge never criticised their actions even though he's aware of it in a very real way. Some of his Minions have now taken their shit into The Boys fandom and created negativity for Jensen before the guy has even got a foot through the set door, and how is that supporting one half of your ship?

Misha has claimed to be a victim of targeted harassment from Wincest/brother fans (not only shippers) yet his fans have said and done the most despicable things on his watch, all in the name of what he must think is entertainment, or even his idea of a ‘joke’.

Any respect I had for the man based on his humanitarian work has gone because I can only take so much hypocrisy. He and his pandering because of a desperate attempt to be woke and wholly inclusive (which is actually impossible, no matter how good intentions are) are beyond pathetic. Whilst I have never seen why people think he’s so great I have friends IRL and online who genuinely adore the man, yet they have been shocked and upset by his contempt for half of the fandom that made him somewhat famous. It's disgusting and I'm not scrolling by any more. Misha, I hope to never see you on anything J2 related in future because none of us need that kind of negativity, *especially* not J2. Be gone, foul fiend!

OK, so to the too long part. Please be aware that these are my opinions as a fan of the show, of Sam and Dean, and J2, not only as a shipper. I can separate canon and fanon, and can view canon from a gen or shippy PoV. Whether you agree or disagree with my opinion let me be clear that I do not condone constant bashing and hate of a person or character so this isn’t the start of a regular thing for me. It's possible to have an opinion and not show the same vitriol that has been following this man around for years, and that’s what I’m doing. I've not posted this to prompt more negativity, it's simply to get it off my chest and make it clear how I feel. I stand by my philosophy of ship who you want to ship, enjoy it, but don't force it on other people and don't be a dick about it…hmm, that kinda sounds like familiar behaviour, though, does it not?!

I have ABSOLUTELY NO ISSUE with other people liking Misha, Cas or Destiel when it’s for the love of the characters and the ship. What I *do* have an issue with is people who are the true definition of a Heller. I don’t see that as a generic term, don't be ignorant and think I do because I know the difference between actual ship fans and the crazies, both ships have ‘em and I want no part of either of their venom. If you are reading this and class yourself as a Heller then you are part of the problem so run along and as you are all so fond of saying, 'get help' and take your bestie king with you.

I’m stating my opinion in what I feel is the most mature way I can, because unlike many people on SM, I am an adult and can act accordingly, with forethought and without resorting to temper tantrums and bullying of other people to get my point across. I am able to tell the difference between reality and fiction, I don't tar everyone with the same shipper brush and I don't expect everyone to agree with my opinion, but as we know opinions are like arseholes, we all have them and sometimes they stink. Unlike some, for the most part in life (online and offline) I *do* stand by what I say and don’t backtrack or delete things to appease the masses. I have spent a lot of time writing this out to be as clear as possible without being intentionally hateful. Bear with me jumping between actor and character where relevant, at this point they're conjoined. I will say this before I go any further, it doesn’t end well for Misha, I don’t mince my words and if you don’t like seeing facts and opinions laid out, this isn't the post for you.

I’ll say right off the bat what most of you have surmised - I’ve never held Misha (or Cas) in high esteem but I have never *hated* on him. I have shared mild criticism of his actions and opinions on Cas over the years but never, I feel, in any way that has made me feel I have something to apologise for. I have said several times I've been unhappy about Misha crashing con panels, taking attention away from J2 when at those cons *most* people paid their hard earned money to see the STARS of the show they love, first and foremost, and anyone else is a very nice bonus. The odd appearance here and there crashing a panel is fine (and Misha isn’t the first or last person to do it), maybe take up a few minutes then leave, but when someone commandeers an entire panel, that's just not on. It's not only selfish, rude and attention seeking but also disrespectful to other actors, fans and to the organisers who work hard to make sure everything ties in to give us the best con experience we can have. Everyone gets their turn on stage, there's no need to try and hog any more of the limelight, Veruca Salt style. Oh, and if you’re reading this and not getting that reference, (a) you shouldn’t be on my blog because you’re far too young, (b) look it up, and if you still don’t get what I’m saying… well then please refer to point (a). Thank you, kindly!

There was a time in Kripke's era where Cas was - I feel - intentionally used as a pawn by the writers to divert *canon* from the ‘questionable’ relationship between Sam and Dean, i.e. Wincest focus. Prior to that people (other fans) lightened up and just accepted the fact that Wincest had been there since day one in terms of the writing of the show and the fandom. All the cast and crew knew - J2, Kripke and JDM in particular - and made light of it, never judging, never shaming and often encouraging it because they understand it’s a fun part of fandom. Wincest was present enough to be part of the not so subtle subtext, as I said people just accepted it. Kink tomato was alive and well, so was ‘don’t like, don’t read’ and we all just scrolled over things we didn’t like without turning everything into a personal vendetta and excuse for bullying others who didn’t share our views. When the angels came into the plot I think most of us Wincest fans gave the Dean/Cas innuendos the small laugh they deserved and then turned back to the focus of the show which was the brothers, as it had always been intended. Misha, however, milked those moments as much as possible which was amusing at the start but got old *very* quickly, not just for fans (shippers and non shippers alike), but for other actors, in particular Jensen who is on record MULTIPLE times showing his dislike for Destiel. He told people outright that's not how he was playing the relationship between the two characters and CATEGORICALLY said "Destiel doesn't exist" but did it end there? No, it did not because neither fans or Misha let it go, in fact Misha only pushed more, goaded fans into flogging the same dead horse as much as possible. He’s never stopped, not even when there was so much discord in the fandom, a huge wedge was driven into it because of ships, which IMO he heavily contributed to.

Fast forward to over a decade later (a decade, seriously man, let it fucking go!) he didn’t even stop when Destiel did partially go canon. I have never doubted that Cas loved Dean (Sam, too) because in SPN lore angels are made to love, even rebellious ones. I, along with many others, liked that about Cas because who doesn't love a rebel, especially one rebelling for very good reasons, and because of those two wonderful men? Sam and Dean allowed him to see beyond what he'd been brainwashed to believe his entire existence. The fact is that although the nature of that love changed for Cas, it never did for Dean and was CANONICALLY UNREQUITED because Dean was incapable of loving anyone else as much as he loved Sam. All that mattered to Dean, even when he saw other characters as "family" was still Sam…ALWAYS Sam, every step of the way. Again for those who have too much Misha shaped wax in their ears, that’s canon. Whether people choose to see that love platonically or romantically is up to them, soulmates don't always have to be romantic, either way, brotherly love won out above all else on the show. No amount of Misha screaming ‘hey look, Destiel!’ changed that, but it sure didn’t stop him trying, did it?

So now that the obvious has been stated, here's something else we all know - never once in all of the years on the show did Misha drop rallying of the troops to his precious, ego stroking ship. Never once (that I am aware of) has he called out his Minions and Hellers on their continued harassment of everyone involved in the show and other fans despite the fact that they have bullied, victimised and wished bodily harm, rape and death on people who don't see their ship and because didn't get the ending to the story that they wanted. Not once has Misha shown any remorse for the trauma his "fans" have caused, and I’m taking REAL trauma, here, not the kind Twitter stans see as ‘triggering’ - people have been driven to close SM accounts, attempted, and in some cases succeeded in taking their own lives. These Minions have openly mocked Jared’s struggles with depression and anxiety, and Misha - who claims to be friends with J2 and be supportive of them in every way  - has stood by and let it all play out, knowing full well some of the goings on, if not the full extent of how toxic these people are. We know he sees things being said online, and I have absolutely no doubt he spends time online searching his name for things that are relevant in some way to him in an effort to insert himself into a current conversation, or even start one so that attention is on him. Gotta stay relevant, somehow, right, Mish?

He has actively encouraged bullying by his actions of enabling the behaviours above, both by the flogging of the aforementioned dead horse, AND by not objecting to unacceptable behaviours. Remember when Minions and Hellers were slating J2, particularly Jared, for not posting on SM about BLM and other topics? Yeah, he didn’t ask them to stop doing that, either, even when he was tagged in things along the lines of ‘If Misha can post why can’t J2?’ etc. There have been some token protests, con vids I've seen have show his 'objections' which IMO have been done in a very tongue in cheek way, meaning that those people who needed to be pulled aside and told to change their ways just carried on, because their evil overlord didn’t explicitly explain it in terms a three year old could understand that bullying and forcing your opinion on others is WRONG. Not all of his cult are young and impressionable, not by a long shot, but many of the more vocal and vitriolic ones are.

As a father himself I wonder what Misha would do if he found out that his kids were behaving in ways his Minions are? I’m aware they’re young, but kids are cruel and bullying doesn’t just happen online. Even at whatever age they are, would he laugh it off the way he appears to have done with all of this fandom toxicity? Not bloody likely! I wonder if he’s as desperate to gain the approval of his family, friends and colleagues as he appears to be for that of his Minions/Hellers? I would certainly hope so, but that question can only be answered by Misha, himself, and I can and will not presume to speak on someone else's behalf on things in their personal life. For the record I would never presume I know what J2's answers would be on anything, however I do feel that after 15 years I have an accurate gauge on what kind of people they are so would be confident that any opinion I had on a matter aligns with their morals and ethics. As much as J2 have shared of themselves with us - willingly and under no pressure to do so, I might add - we don't *know* them, but we know enough to have an informed opinion. I can’t say the same for Misha because based on the behaviour he’s repeatedly displayed, things I've heard about from other fans as well as people I know IRL who have had direct dealings with him through cons or GISH (including some very actively in the early days when it was GISHWHES) he just hasn’t seemed like a person I wanted to follow on SM. I’ve never watched any of his solo panels, though I have watched ones with both or one of the J's, mostly being left irritated because of his behaviour. Watching the J’s put up with that shit is painful, and it’s a testament to how good they are as actors that they managed to hide at least some of their disdain for as long as they did. Microexpressions give them away, particularly Jensen, and they certainly have faces I have spent many years watching closely. Beautiful faces to go with beautiful souls, both of them! <3

I have precisely ZERO interest in Destiel as a ship, very little interest in Cas as a character anymore (though I did like him in the early days,and his relationship with Jack in late seasons) so I have absolutely no reason or desire to follow anything Misha does. That said, I've obviously been peripherally aware of some things he's been involved in because of friends, from things I’ve seen on SM and general fandom stuff. Despite the things I've already mentioned about his behaviour, up until now I have been able to maintain a level of respect for him as a person because of the humanitarian and charity work he's done. He seems like someone who really does want to change the world for the better and I am in full support of that fact, so much so that I have supported TWO campaigns relating to him. I bought one of the Super Good t-shirts for the campaign he did with Michael Sheen (a true angel!), the SPN/Good Omens x-over to help homeless charities, and I chose the design with text only and not artwork of Michael and Misha on, basically because I didn’t want to be wearing something with Misha’s face on it and I make absolutely no apology for that, whatsoever. I also bought Alex's #TheEndHasNoEnd shirt, which some of the profits went to Random Acts who do great work, so again, despite not liking Misha I still willingly contributed for a cause bigger than me, and to support Alex, who I absolutely ADORE. I'm aware that Stands aren't popular with some of the fandom, however since most of the cast of SPN are happily affiliated with them then I don't feel it's my place to either judge, or to discuss topics I know next to nothing about. But I digress, as a decent human being I have shown support tangentially to a man who I don't care for out of respect for the work he does outside the fandom. Telling you this isn’t to paint myself in a good light - I don’t need your approval, I’m a big girl, unlike some I don’t need constant validation! - only to provide background on how I’ve actively *not* hated on Misha.

Now though, any respect I had for him has come to an abrupt end, the events of the past 24 hours has seen to that. Whilst I have been annoyed at his behaviour in regards to shipping, I don't feel it's ever gone this far, or at least not that I've seen first hand. This man has, IMO, contributed to so much toxicity in the fandom by way of things I've mentioned before, he's claimed - without actually saying the words - that Wincest fans weren't interested in him as a character when he came onto the show, and hasn’t felt included because of the fans’ love of the brothers. Um, hate to break it to you, love, but when you come onto an established show that is about two people, and you’re a *guest star* you can’t expect everyone to love you. Some characters we as individuals do fall in love with straight away (Bobby, Charlie, Crowley and Rowena are good examples for me), it takes time to establish a dynamic, so if that’s how he felt then it was incredibly naive of him as an actor to expect instant acceptance from anyone. Also, why wait until after the show finished to bring it up AGAIN … oh wait, yeah, that would be to step back into the limelight in a way intended to garner sympathy from Minions and INTENTIONALLY piss off bro fans and Wincest shippers alike? How fucking self centred, desperate and disrespectful do you have to be to shit all over the finale of a show that for the most part accepted you and kept you in paid work for 12 years? Well, Misha Collins levels of all of those things, obviously.  

So, on the topics of self centred, desperate to stay relevant, attention seeking and being oh so needy, the tweet yesterday from Amazon mentioned Castiel. He wasn’t tagged in it, so I refer to my earlier comment about searching online, because how else would he have possibly seen that? It’s possible someone sent it to him, I appreciate that, but if we go off past behaviour it’s not any stretch at all to believe that didn’t happen. So, once again, having seen the tweet he took it upon himself to - oh so predictably - turn it into something relating to Destiel. When I saw it I immediately rolled my eyes and thought ‘here we go again’, but then also had a little smile because I really liked the fact that he explicitly mentioned Wincest, therefore seeming to accept that his poor old dead horse wasn’t the only one in the race. I actually mentally tipped my hat to him then because it appeared that he’s matured enough to acknowledge by name the ship that predates his inclusion on the show. Great, I thought, this is a positive thing in a sea of negativity surrounding the man and his sunken ship, because what followed was Wincest trending in the US (it may also have been other countries as well but I had to sleep!) … largely due to the fact that Hellers were responding to it, calling him out on mentioning the dreaded ‘W’ word. I’ll repeat that because it’s been a rare occurrence up to that point… the Minions were actually disappointed with their overlord for mentioning another ship. We all know what they think of it and I for one, don’t give a flying fuck about their opionion. Ship and let ship, it’s all fun (or meant to be) so we have different tastes, that’s life kiddiwinks, deal with it. I mean, you really don’t have much of an example set for you when your king has proven several times over to be one of the biggest obnoxious brats out there, but just give it a try for your own sakes, yeah? Awesome, good on you, besties!

An unexpected development - to my joy and that of other Wincest shippers - them doing that got the topic trending, only *kept* trending by the fact that were all coming online asking why it was trending. Wincest shippers barely lifted a finger, we just flooded each other’s timelines with lovely content and basked in the Hellers - and Misha - shooting themselves in the foot, which was awesome. But did the vitriol stop? No. Did he get the attention he so clearly craves? Yes. Was it in the way he wanted? Fuck no, so poor, emotionally wounded baby backtracked after seeing that his name was trending alongside Wincest because that’s *so* not what someone narcissistic to do it in the first place, wanted.

Now here’s where I could easily have just moved on with an unusually fond chuckle, giving him an ironic pat on the back and a ‘thanks, Misha’ for being the one to instigate hours of fun, but once again his despicable behaviour made that impossible. It’s been more than obvious for many years that he cares more about what his fans think than anything else to do with the show and the fandom in a larger sense, but to delete the tweet and APOLOGISE for daring to be so insensitive to the snowflakes’ delicate sensibilities for mentioning Wincest in the first place was absolutely disgusting. Stating , “I used a term that I had never really given any thought to other than, "that's a thing?! Yuck." is not only complete and utter bullshit, it’s pandering of the highest order.  

We all know he has referred to Wincest on multiple occasions, so to say he hadn’t thought about is a flat out lie, which IMO is an insult to everyone, not just Wincest shippers. Does the man have no self respect at all, why would you contradict yourself in the face of such overwhelming evidence? Instead of either ignoring all the people calling him out, or addressing it with another tweet saying ‘yeah, that happened’ or something similar he chose, I repeat, CHOSE the route of claiming he didn’t realise he was being offensive to people who felt ‘triggered’ by him using the word Wincest. He basically shat all over an entire ship and large sector of the fandom in an attempt to appease his own fan base which consists of a lot of children (or those that act like children) who have no idea what RL is like.

Once again, he’s reinforced the idea that if you shout loud enough at someone just because you don’t like something they said, they will back down and apologise for something even when there’s nothing to apologise for. If he wants to be such a role model then he could easily have pointed out that a fictional ship doesn’t condone RL incest, any ACTUAL trauma people have suffered because of RL situations, and made an effort to make sure people understand that. He COULD have used it as an opportunity to do some good in the fandom by encouraging people to build bridges, to accept that people are entitled to their beliefs and that sometimes we see things differently but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat others with BASIC HUMAN DECENCY because of it. Instead he YET AGAIN chose to show that he cares more about what Minions think of him, keeping them onside to constantly stroke his unbelievably fragile ego in everything he does.

It is my understanding that Misha is big on (or claims to be big on) putting positive energy out into the world, treating people with respect, helping others and accepting people for who they are, not who you want them to be… all this after YEARS of consistently practising what he preaches only when it suits him. He sends out a message that it’s perfectly OK to bully, to spread hate, to draw attention to yourself at the cost of others, to throw colleagues and friends under the bus and at the same time use them to further your own agenda and get hits for your YouTube channel. Is this really the legacy he wants to leave? Is this an environment he wants his own kids to grow up in as well as future generations? Is this what he thinks is a valuable contribution as a human being? JFC, the arrogance, hypocrisy and the need for constant validation this man exhibits is nothing short of cringeworthy… actually it’s beyond that. It’s deplorable behaviour, it’s not new, and he will continue to act like this for as long as he’s being enabled and this harmful cycle needs to end.

I have friends IRL and online who are (now, possibly, were) big Misha fans, who have supported him from either the beginning of his run on the show, or since they started watching, and this is how he repays this behaviour? He’s willfully alienating decent people (including multishippers) all to make himself look good by being seen to do everything he can not to offend people. Spoiler alert, you DID offend people, you continue to do so time and again and we’ve had enough. I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to be such a perpetual people pleaser, but let me say it’s not doing you any favours in any way, shape or form.

Misha, you are *not* a role model, you’re *not* someone to look up to when you can't live up to the ideals you preach. You’re spitting in the face of people who have supported you even after some questionable things in the past, who gave you the benefit of the doubt because we’re all human and we all make mistakes. The key to growing as a person is not to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, understanding *why* what you said and/or did was a mistake and making a concerted effort to make changes. I don’t ever see you doing that, you will continue down this path of only caring about Minions under the guise of caring for people in general. You are transparent, you are sad and despite the fact I’ve never particularly liked you, I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to get involved in the drama. Well now I have spoken up and I’m saying you’re a disgrace, you have no respect for other people and nobody is fooled anymore. If it hadn’t been this tweet it would have been something else, but I for one am glad it happened so soon after the show ended so we can finally be rid of the limpet-like behaviour. It’s over, let it go for the sake of what dignity you might have left, for the sake of your family and friends and for the sake of anyone who isn’t capable of seeing through your ‘it’s a joke’ mentality.

You have been weighed, you have been measured and you have been found wanting. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Misha.

For anyone who made it to the end of my ramble, thank you. This has been a cathartic exercise and I’m drawing a line under it now, I don’t think I could possibly make my thoughts any clearer. I urge you not to get caught up in any petty squabbles with his Minions, let’s celebrate J2 and other cast and crew members who have shown us all respect and who I am proud to call part of the SPN family. There’s always one member of the family who needs to be frozen out for the good of everyone else.

#ficforthought speaks #sorry not sorry #i spent way too long on this #purging the poison

[captainrexisboo]

Shameless Flirt

Hey hoes! I’m (partially) back!!!

I had a sudden burst of writing inspo. I am very excited to finally give y’all my long awaited Hevy X Reader fic!! I loved writing this, Hevy was so fun to get into the head of. I was going to post this yesterday but then (of course, right as I wanted to start posting again lmao) Life Happened aHA-

Anyways! The Reader Is A Lady (although, it’s not really specified aside from she/her pronouns. still tagging it as female reader though)! No warnings apply, just a lot of flirty banter and a bit of smoochin! Reblogs, replies, and comments are highly encouraged. I love hearing from y’all! Enjoy!!!

~

Technically, it was your day off. However, being the workaholic you were, and bored just sitting in your quarters, you decided the best course of action was to pick up some things you had left at one of your workstations in the ARC training sector...like the stopping point of your last project. You waved and smiled past the guards and troopers patrolling the halls, the vode knew you so it’s not like they were surprised when you strolled through the stark fluorescent halls in your lounging civvies you brought from Corrie. It’s not like you didn’t do this every other off day. It’s not like they haven’t tried to stop you- but not even ARC Commander Blitz could give you orders to go relax as you hunch over another blaster, detonator, or even some type of launcher, without you grinning like a cheeky loth-cat, “I am relaxing, Commander.”

After the first few months of working alongside Blitz, he came to understand that nothing was going to come between you and your work. At least nothing short of the consequence of you kicking and screaming all the way back to your quarters. So he let you be. “Don’t mind her, boys, that’s just our weapons tech. She’s always at the armory, or here in the target range. Think of her as a part of the training- don’t you dare get distracted.” Every new batch of ARC-trainees got told the same thing, and everytime you’d smirk into your work with a casual but polite wave over your shoulder, not even bothering to look back-

“And what about after training, Commander, will she still be ‘distracting’ up here?”

-until today. His shameless intention laced his words, and you could feel his eyes run up and down the curve of your spine, following the shape of your legs. You stood straight from your bent position over the standing turret, turning around with an unimpressed brow as you cocked out a hip, “I sure will, but you’ve got curfew to make, trooper.”

It was easy to single out the flirt, even if they were all wearing helmets. There were five trainees this time, four of them had their shoulders shaking as they choked back giggles with varying snorts and fake coughs at their brother’s expense. The one second from the end to your right seemed taken aback by your retort, spine stiff, and visor still looking at you dead on. You slid your eyes over to where Blitz was sighing and shaking his head, taking as step forward as he ordered, “Fives, thump your brother’s helmet for me.”

“Aye, sir,” Fives managed to breathe out the two syllables without breaking, but needing to clear his throat before swatting the upside of the flirt’s head, effectively taking his gaze off of you and immediately to the floor. Blitz made his way across the room to stand in front of the trooper, and even though they were the same height, Blitz carried himself in a way that made him seem to loom over the younger soldier.

“CT-782, you said your name was Hevy, right?” 

“Yes sir,” Hevy confirmed, voice coming out low, in a natural huskiness some clones seemed to have, as he stood even straighter, trying to mimic the Commander’s practiced stance. Blitz nodded a couple times, humming sagely- you recognized this though. He wasn’t thinking at all, he was just adding tension, the dramatic bastard. You couldn’t help but scoff silently at his demeanor as he took an inhale before continuing.

“I’ve read up about you and your brothers, soldier. The outpost at Rishi, getting recruited into the 501st, your entire batch surviving every fray, hells I just saw all five of you in action during the Separatist invasion just a couple days ago,” Blitz took a moment to exhale, something that could have been mistaken for a sound of intrigue, “You no doubt deserve to be here. An entire batch making it to ARC training? This hasn’t been done since the last batch made specifically to be ARCs themselves. But son-” in the pause, now you could never be sure, but you were positive in that moment you heard the grating clicking of Hevy grinding his teeth at the term, “-I don’t recommend playing with fire. Lucky as you all have been, even in ARC armor, you’ll get burned.”

Hevy stole a glance back at you, to which you gave him a mock salute with your screwdriver and a delightfully crooked smirk before turning back to your work.

Instead of taking his Commander’s words to heart as a warning, he took them as a challenge. From that day on, whenever he found himself in the same room as you (provided Blitz wasn’t there to reprimand him) he would try his hand to win you over. Admittedly, it was very fun to trade bouts of wit with him. He was a cocky brute, but held a sharp tongue. His hot-headedness made it especially entertaining to get him all riled up, teasing him back, only to give him a flick on the nose or a poke on his chest plate. Hell, there was one time you went as far as squeezing his bicep. Specializing in weaponry, especially the heavy duty kind, his arms were definitely impressive. How could you not take that chance? 

On the slower days, when he was too tired to even run his eyes over you, he’d still find you hunched over your workspace in the armory to watch you perform your task of the day. An arms specialist finding interest in a weapons technician’s work? Shocker. Still, being surrounded by the blasters and countless ammo and bombs in the armory, listening to the gentle clicks of your tinkering and watching your fingers go through repeating nimble motions over metal plates and little rivets did seem to put him at ease after a rough day. It was something you could much too easily relate to. Over the course of Domino squad’s ARC training, those days where he gave you quiet, warm company were your favorite.

Today was not one of those days.

You had been given a new assignment, transferring from the training base...to travel with the Domino squad once they graduated in the next few days. And it seems like they just got the message too. You rolled your eyes as you heard his low whistle from across the room, but from the safety of being turned around you couldn’t help a sly grin take over your face. 

“And what, praytell,” Hevy’s gruff voice fills the armory as his boots echoed off the walls with their weighted falls, like you could hear the sway in his step to the beat of his walk, getting closer to you as you continued to lean over your work table, “Did the Domino ARCs do to get a pretty little thing like you to be our weapons technician?”

“Oi, leave her alone, Hevy,” ever the gentleman, Echo tried to ‘defend your honor’ from the shameless flirt as he walked in not a moment later, “Unless you want her to issue herself for a transfer to a different band of ARCs? Keep talking to her like she’s some meat pie, see where it gets you.”

“Awh, thank you, Echo,” you cooed over your shoulder before pushing up your goggles to give Hevy a sugar-coated pout, “Eat shit, Hevy.”

Hevy knew this game, taking his helmet off he shot you a charming wink, before turning to his brother, “What other ‘band of ARCs’? We’re the only notable ones, all the other ARCs are in CO positions, or are riding it solo and getting contracted to separate battalions for separate missions every day! We’re the only full squad of-“

“Half a squad,” Echo interrupted, taking off his helmet to shoot his brother a criticizing arch of his brow, “You realize a full squad is nine soldiers, right? This stuff has been drilled into us since decanting-”

“Then why do they call us the Domino squad?”

“Rolls off the tongue better than Domino batch,” you grumbled into your work, slipping your goggles back on and trying to focus amidst their conversation, “Look, are y’all actually here for something, or-?”

You trailed off, continuing your practiced movements as you waited for an answer. Hevy leaned next to you on the table, careful not to jostle it, or you, with his weight. He had learned that lesson the hard way...some nights his shin still throbbed with the memory.

“We’re gonna celebrate, not just the graduation, but now with you getting to tag along!” Hevy’s unusual cheeriness made you pause in your work. You turned to him, about to say something when he continued, “And we want you to join in the celebration too, mesh’la.”

You blinked at him, surprised by his offer. Sure, you were friendly to the troopers, and Hevy seems to have gotten especially comfortable around you, but you didn’t think they’d want to invite you to something as special as that. You pulled the goggles completely off your head, setting down your tools as you turned around to lean against your table, “I’ll bite. What’s the catch?”

Echo and Hevy looked between themselves, before glancing at you with mirroring expressions of confusion. 

“Why do you want me to join?” you elaborated, bringing up a hand to count on your fingers, “You wouldn’t want me there unless you had a reason for me to join, what is it? Contraband liquor? Snacks? Do you want me to secure the armory for the get together so you don’t have to have it in the barracks, or my quarters, or what?”

“The catch,” Hevy took a careful step into your space, mimicking your new pose, giving you an amused if not surprised smile, “is for you to have fun, not surrounded by guns and ammo.”

“And that’s coming from Hevy,” Echo scoffed, but agreeing with a wide shrug of his shoulders as he crossed his arms. You looked between the two of them as the moment stretched out for what felt like a lifetime… for Hevy at least. All the times he spent with you, all the terrible flirting and unashamed eyeing- he really wanted you to join. He could feel sweat begin to creep down his neck, the longer he waited for a response, swallowing down a gulp of dry air as his gaze flicked nervously over to Echo. Echo simply rolled his eyes- all of Domino Squad knew about Hevy’s true feelings for you. It was hard not to take notice when Hevy was just, well, like that. But they never seemed to learn about Hevy’s quiet times in here with you, how you two would partake in silent togetherness, finding peace in each other’s company. Not that Hevy was embarrassed, far from it, but he liked having that little piece to himself. Of course, he wanted more of you to himself, but for now those comforting silences while you built and rebuilt blasters were enough for him, because they were enough for you.

You kept your gaze neutral as you weighed the option of joining in your mind. It was far from a bad option, you liked this batch. They had been through a lot together, loved and protected each other like brothers should, and along with Hevy they accepted you as one of their own. What was one night?

“Yeah, alright,” you looked between the two ARCs, a grin forming as you stole a glance at Hevy, “I’ll join in. When is it?”

Hevy could jump for joy at your agreement, but he was still leaning on your workspace. Instead he smiled wide, tattooed cheeks crinkling parallel to the corners of his eyes, letting out a relieving breath, “Tomorrow night, the eve of our first deployment as ARCs. Be at our bunks at 1930…and if you do have any liquor-”

“Hevy-”

“Of course I have liquor,” you interrupt Echo’s chiding with a wink to the heavy gunner, bringing your forefinger up to trace Hevy’s jawline, gliding along the sharp edge, the pad of your fingertip calloused from years of work, and swelling with pride at how his dark eyes fluttered shut as he leaned into your teasing touch. Coming off with a playful tap to the tip of his chin, his eyes snapped open at your sultry chuckle, “See you tomorrow, soldier.”

You turned back to your work, slipping your goggles on a final time, but not before a quick and casual wave over your shoulder, “Later, Echo.”

Echo couldn’t figure out your mood toward Hevy worth a damn. He looked between your aloof manners and Hevy’s moony grin, deciding it just wasn’t worth trying to pick your brain at, partially because he was smart enough not to get involved, but also he wasn’t certain he’d be able to stomach the answer. Catching his brother's eyes, he made a discreet gagging motion to him before fitting his helmet back on and walking out the door, “See you, techie.”

Hevy stayed back a bit longer, continuing to watch you work. He was completely quiet, but his silence was deafening. You breathed out a huff of laughter, the tops of your ears beginning to heat up at his attention, wetting your lips, “Well?”

“Hm? Well what?” he shook himself out of his stupor, blinking back into time at your voice.

“Are you gonna leave now n’ let me work?” You cursed inwardly at your harsh words. You liked Hevy, deep down he was a real sweetheart, but you always found yourself being so coarse to him. Thankfully, he was as much of a hardhead as he was a hothead, and he met your indifferent glare with a devilish grin that made your heart jump doubletime.

“No, I think I’m gonna sit right here and watch your lovely hands make something amazing.”

“Amazing?” you scoff, shaking your head at his compliment, “I’m just fixing up another DC-15A that some cadet broke. You need to head to the med station if you think that’s amazing. We both know the Z-6 rotary is far superior-”

“When you’re done with it, it’ll be the best DC-15A in the GAR,” Hevy interrupted, eyes shifting between your face and your hands, “Everything you do is amazing.���

You stopped what you were doing at the genuinity that filled his praise. He always spoke to you with a hint of truth, a bit of heartfelt sincerity to make his easy way of speaking more personal to you, more interesting. But there was something in his expression, maybe the dreamlike haze filling the depths of his eyes, or the way that his accent rolled off his tongue that had you placing your palms flat on the table before speaking low to him, “Hevy, what are you doing?”

“I thought I was pretty clear,” he shrugged with a sideways grin, still careful of the lean on your table, “I’m watching you. You’ve let me before-”

“I mean with the…” you gestured to his full self, keeping your eyes on your now resting project, “The whole...flirting thing.”

You caught him off-guard. The two of you have been at it for months now, but neither of you had ever said or acknowledged anything about it. It was like a silent pact between the two of you, continue the performance, but don’t mention the game. To suddenly come out of the unsaid arrangement, Hevy felt himself draw back, slowly lifting his weight off the table, “Do you...not like it? I mean I figured that you...you know, you’ve always responded…”

You couldn’t believe it. After always having something to say, being able to trade quips, building a friendship over the shared banter and ripostes, the fearless ARC trooper you’ve seen grow so much these past few months was babbling out broken sentences at a single question.

“I can stop, if you’d like.”

It was that whispered phrase that brought you back into the moment, turning to him with burning cheeks, “I didn’t say that.”

“Well then what do you want?” He took a step into your space, brow set and a jaw flexing as he frustratingly tried to understand your sudden shift, “We’ve been...flirting-” the word left him like he was saying it for the first time, each syllable carefully leaving his lips- “since the day I met you. Mesh’la, if you don’t like it, say something! We’re about to go to work together, travelling the galaxy for a long time-”

“Exactly,” you countered, poking at his chest as you stood defiantly to him, tearing off your goggles and mussing your hair off to the side, “Whatever this is, are we gonna continue it? Continue dancing around each other like some kind of goddamned soap opera where everyone but us gets off on our own self-denial?”

“Self-denial?” Hevy repeats, an incredulous sound leaving his chest as you saw a fire spark behind his stare, “Sweetheart, I’m not denying anything, especially things I haven’t been asked!”

“Alright then, fine!” Somewhere down the conversation, your voices had raised to shouting in the small space, even as you two stood almost nose to nose, and your breath hot on his lips you asked, “Do you like me, trooper?”

“Like you? It was love at first sight when you first told me off,” Hevy couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed at his confession, just focusing on fueling the flames between you, “And what about you, techie? How do you feel about me?”

“I think you’re a smartmouthed asshole with a heart of gold and a pretty face- yeah, I like you a whole fucking lot!” 

This was ridiculous. You knew it was ridiculous. You could see it in his face too, the two of you breathing heavy, barely a hair’s width away from each other. You’re unsure who started it, later on you two would always claim the other giggled first, but eventually you found yourselves holding onto each other for support as you laughed out the rest of your pointless venom. His arms fit around you perfectly as your hands held strong to his wide shoulders, your laughter filling the room together, the sounds swirling in their melody as everything started to click perfectly into place. Once everything quieted down, your head resting against his chest as his hands ran up and down your back, you exhaled low and steady against him, slowly rocking in his hold, “Plastoid isn’t that comfortable to rest on, huh?”

“You should try wearing it,” Hevy snorted at your comment, leaning over to rest his cheek on the top of your head, “So...what now?”

You hummed, feigning thought before angling your face to brush your lips over the column of his throat, murmuring into his skin, “I wouldn’t be against a kiss.”

Something rich left his throat, the sound deep and thrumming through his chest before one of his hands found its way into your tresses on the back of your head, tugging gently at your hair to guide you to his lips. You couldn’t stop the brief hitch in your breath at the daring move, but you wouldn’t have expected anything less from the brash soldier. At your word he took the lead, slanting over your mouth in a soft motion, breathing you in as easy as air. You followed in confidence, welcoming the boldness with which he kissed you as the same boldness that had him playing the game you both set up. A small noise of satisfaction left you, not just from the perfect pressure from his lips moving so softly against yours, but also from the way his hand gripped so firmly at your waist through your canvas jumpsuit, his other hand still carding so thoughtfully through your hair; it was a sweet little gasp that Hevy swore he’d be replaying in his head for a week. Or at least until he was able to make another sound tumble out of you.

Your hands came up to cup his cheeks, thumbs tracing the edges of his tattoos, pulling him impossibly closer. The payoff of this single kiss was absolutely worth all those months of gentle torture, the teasing touches and glances, discreetly watching his lips when he’d talk and thinking about how he’d feel against your own. Or even how he’d taste. In a stroke of your own audacity, you ran a slow, languid lick of your tongue against his lips, and the growl that came from him made the most delightful of shivers shoot right down your spine.

He had a robust, spicy taste, earthy and rich with a bit of heat that came tickling at your tongue. It wasn’t too surprising- he smelled the same way, smoky and hearty with the biting musk all clones seemed to carry with them. What did surprise you was the honeyed velvet of his own tongue eagerly coming to meet yours as you repeated your action. You could feel his infuriating grin at the helpless whimper that dripped from you at the feeling, and you nipped brazenly at his bottom lip in retaliation.

Before he could respond to your playful attack, the two of you froze as a throat loudy cleared from the entryway of the armory. Hevy almost didn’t pull away from you, a near silent broken whine coming from him (for your ears only) as he came off of your lips with a wet smacking sound. After a quick flex of his fingers, he removed his hands from you just as slowly, your own hands sliding down from his face to clasping behind your back. You both turned to face the bucket of Commander Blitz, arms crossed and stance wide in the doorway. He nodded toward the hall, “You left the door open.”

You cleared your throat, pursing your lips to keep from saying something ridiculous. Hevy clenched his jaw, trying to accomplish the same thing. Blitz’s visor smoothly slid to gaze over you, and you straightened in the mimic of his cadets. “You finally relaxing, techie?”

A short chuckle escaped you, lips twitching up in a coy grin, “I am, Commander.”

He nodded, that same dramatic humming leaving him as he turned then to Hevy, who tensed at full attention to the ARC Commander. “What about you, son. How’s that burn feel?”

“To be perfectly candid, sir,” Hevy, always pushing the limits, turned to shoot you a look with a quick lick of his lips before responding, “Absolutely thrilling.”

Blitz nodded again, taking slow steps into the room, like how Hevy had earlier that day, letting each step echo off the walls until he was about two feet away, “I’m happy for you both, but please. Don’t be stupid. You’re lucky it was me walking by and not one of the longnecks, or the nat-born chief trainers. Close the doors. And do me a favor, wait till you’re both off Kamino for any of the heavier stuff, okay?”

You and Hevy both confirmed the Commander’s request with quick nods and mumbled “Yes sirs,” making him let go a long breath. Uncrossing his arms, he pointed to Hevy, “Trooper, hit the showers. Move it.”

Hevy shot you one last look, if you didn’t know any better you’d say he was bashful, before saluting Blitz, grabbing his helmet and marching out of the armory. You stood straight, still under Blitz’s cold stare from his visor, until he sighed, slapping a companionable hand on your shoulder, “If he steps out of line, I better be the first vod you call. I will kick his ass so hard, he’ll be knocked back to failing the Citadel the first time-”

“At ease, Commander,” you rolled your eyes, you hand coming up to hold onto his, brushing your thumb over his knuckles with a soft breath of laughter, “He didn’t lay a hand on me until I asked him to.”

Blitz squeezed your hand, taking off his own helmet to look at you. He looked a little older than Domino did, cheeks slightly hollowed and eyes a bit deeper set, a bittersweet shine coming over his amber stare, mouth twitching up into a lopsided smile, “I’m gonna miss you, after you go off with those fools.”

“You’ll make great friends with the next techie who comes along. Who knows, maybe they’ll actually listen to you,” you smile back at him, the two of you masking the tears threatening to fall from your lashes. He pulls you in, touching your foreheads together, before giving two more pats to your shoulder.

“And remember,” he pulls off of you, placing his helmet back on and causing his voice to come out in a soft static, “Please, for the love of Jango, don’t-”

“Don’t be stupid,” you salute to him, winking for extra effect, “Aye-aye, ori’vod.”

#clone trooper hevy #hevy #hevy x reader #female reader #liz speaks #clone trooper #my writing #clone wars reader insert #the clone wars #sw tcw fic #smoochey smoochey lemme kiss #commander blitz #big brother blitz #domino squad #arc trooper hevy #hA FUCKERS DOMINO SQUAD IS ALIVE IN MY HEEEAAAART #AND THEY ARE ALL ARCS FUCK YOU #i apologize for my aggression i just love them so much #fives and echo make an appearance too #because i love them

[amaraudermind]

So I see a lot of posts go around for nd headcanons for various bats, and usually all I see for Dick are that he has ADHD and then nothing else. So, I have taken it upon myself to share my ADHD Dick Grayson headcanons with people. Some of these are based in canon, some aren’t, and some is based on my own experiences.

•he is constantly spinning around and tossing his eskrima sticks to stim. •also RSD? That boy perceives one(1) little thing as rejection or that he did something wrong and the entire world crumbles underfoot •he hyperfixates on missions. Even when he's trying to unwind/take time away from it to give himself a break, it's all he can think about. •watching nature documentaries is one of the few ways he can get his mind to slow down enough to relax. Else his brain is moving too fast for him to be able to. •acrobatics centers him. The adrenaline gives him space to think clearly without relaxing him out of concentrating or taking up too much mental space to think about other stuff. •dick is not a cuddle monster like fanon says but he is very tactile! Contact with his loved ones is both grounding and reassuring, it helps him stay in the moment instead of getting lost in his head, so a hand on a shoulder or leaning against someone is all very common for him.(Bruce also came to realize this about dick when he was a kid and made a point to ruffle his hair/put a hand on his shoulder/ pull him into hugs/etc as often as he could) •he isn't necessarily bouncing off the walls all the time but he is very fidgety! He almost always has to have something to stim with. •he makes 18 logic leaps at a time that almost no one can follow. In the act of pouring his cereal he will figure out who the murderer is in his most recent case and that will remind him that he didn't call Damian yesterday and his friends will have no clue where any of it relates to each other. •speaking of cereal, he likes foods that crunch the best. Crunch makes brain go brrr •the main reason he doesn't like Alfred's cucumber sandwiches is because cucumbers are a Bad Texture. •so is oatmeal •when dick was younger he always liked wrapping up in Batman's cape because it was heavy and safe and warm •he doesn't like the weight as much after he's had to wear it •he hates being in a silent house when everyone else is busy. It's different when he's sitting silently in the same room as someone else doing separate things though. •he has no concept of time. He keeps both an analog and a digital clock in every room, plus always wearing a watch and having his phone nearby, so that he can always realign himself with what time it is and where he needs to be. •he also always has his phone on him as a comfort thing. He can't stand even leaving it in another room, partially out of worry about missing something big. •he tries really hard to balance being overbearing with checking in on everyone. He knows how much he hates when Bruce is overbearing, but he has a hard time with not constantly messaging everyone to see what's going on. Balance isn't always met, but he tries •leather! Is so! Texture?!? And weight?!? He loves wearing leather jackets they are the next best thing from a hug •super important: pockets. Not even to hold stuff that's just a bonus. Just for a place to put his hands. •can hear the electricity in the walls. Often confuses people when he complains that it's too loud. •explains things the way his brain processes them, which often means he is the Only One who knows what he's talking about. He often has to reexplain several times before he figures out the right way to say it so other people can follow. •he's actually really good at forcing himself to focus, but it takes a lot of energy. Doing things he doesn't like/doesn't want to/in a "normal" way even for an hour leaves him exhausted and drained for days

#dc #dick grayson #nightwing #why yes i do project onto comic characters how could you tell #my post #void posts

[lilyrachelcassidy]

Summer Nights (2)

A/N: Is that... is that...? The unbridled enthusiasm I’m hearing? Or are you trying to reach me with torches and pitchforks for being so untrustworthy? Assuming the first option.

Anyway -- Yes, as I promised, this is the second part of the Summer Nights which you would hopefully enjoy. Waiting for your feedback. It’s the INDEX if you need a refresher.

ALSO, I give a lot of credit to @drawlfoy and @bored-and-botheredwho helped me with editing this chapter and steamed off my emotional breakdown related to my writing (lmao). I love you so much gals and a big THANK U once more!!!

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: coarse language; alcohol; Narcissa turning into a shitty-mother (lol)

Tags: @war-sword @paradigmax @winnsmills @idkatee@bforbroadway @okaydraco

The next thing Draco knew, he was being woken up with a massive hangover in the snuggly, way-too-comfortable bed by the high-pitched squeal of his mother.

"You, darling, made a lot of trouble for yourself yesterday," Narcissa admonished her son, a glacial cool look on her face. Entering Draco's hotel apartment, she walked over to the window and opened the drapes with one swift movement, splashing an annoyed Draco with light. He groaned, not yet daring to complain due to his mother's livid mood, to say the least.

"You have no idea of what happened yesterday, do you?"

"Yyy-" was the only sound he could make. God, where to the fuck was he? He hadn't been this plastered in forever.

"Of course you don't." Narcissa shook her head and laughed nervously, although she made it plainly obvious there was nothing humorous about the situation. "You blacked out so hard in that sleazy bar there is no way you can recall anything from yesterday. Look at you -- you are squinting at me like I'm the sun!"

Draco nervously ran his finders through his disheveled hair. He was definitely not in the right mind to provoke the conflict. "I left you the note at the reception," he informed her, trying to slickly get out of the unenviable conversation. "Told the receptionist to hand it over."

Contrary to his mother's accusatory ascertainment, he actually had some glimpses of the previous night (or should he say an all-night rave?). There were for sure drinks -- a lot of drinks; a variety of kinds he didn't recognize from the magical world but still guzzled delightfully. The second recollection was dancing --which wasn't his intention, but with some luck of his -- got invited by some hot-looking chicks from across the table. And yes, he definitely remembers the swaying and the rhythmical moving of the hips along with some cheesy muggle vibes mixed with the smell of booze and weed. Maybe he even hooked up with one of the girls? The last thing he recollects before passing out, almost like through a haze, was seeing Narcissa's furious face screaming something incoherent at him. Overall, that's his all night wrapped in one.

"Do you think the mere note 'I will be fine' was going to calm down my shattered nerves? Draco Lucius Malfoy, I swear to our dear ancestors, I did not raise you to act so irresponsibly." She waved the finger at him warningly. “We come from rich history. You are the descendant from a line of successful forefathers who put their effort into building up our reputation. Do you think Lucius would approve of such unrestrained behavior? I’ve been already hearing of letting you be too careless. Is tha-"

"Mother, could we skip the lecture?" Draco snapped angrily, try as he might to suppress it. "I've heard it too many times. All I’m trying to have is a peaceful life. Without the prying eyes of the media and the meddling of my family..."

"And all I’m trying to have is an integrated, happy family to offer you support and love.” Draco opened his mouth to cut her in, but she shushed him with a wave, clearly suggesting 'Don’t even get me started’ meaning. “I’ve been- been trying  to get a job, going through the infelicitous job interviews and looking for a solution to help our household through the post-war crisis. Have you shown any interest in that? Any?"

"But mo-"

"The last thing I want to have on my mind is dealing with your ignorant, boyish transitional stages, and let me tell you -- you do not make it any easier for me," she said without taking a breath. She exhaled slowly and continued, this time forcing a softer tone. "I ask you one thing for this summer. Let it be an enjoyable time without unnecessary conflicts. We have come to the beautiful country as France. Let's make a good thing out of it."

Draco, who was already wide awake by the buzz of adrenaline, looked at her with a serious expression. Scanning her face made him suddenly realize how hard must it have been for her to bear everything, and seeing the bags of tiredness under her beautiful, hazel eyes stopped him from retorting. "Mother, no matter what happens, I'll always support you. Remember that."

Narcissa smiled. “Oh. I know, honey, I know.” This time she lowered her voice by two octaves, slowly sitting at the edge of the bed. “It’s just… people have been gossiping behind our backs lately, partly throwing the blame at us. All I’m trying to do is protect us from those tormentors. But your binge drinking is not making the deadlock any better, and it drives me mad.” She chortled a little bit and patted Draco’s palm. “So, until the rumors die down, all we can do is raise our chins high.” Narcissa ended, her voice encouraging yet plaintive.

The last thing Draco liked is seeing his mother on the verge of emotional exhaustion, like in this moment. He felt an instant surge of sympathy, so he quickly found himself locking Narcissa in the supportive embrace. She responded to the gesture by wrapping her arms around her son’s neck and stroking his cheek delicately with the back of her hand, just like in the old times. Both of them yearningly wished to come back to those years of frivolity.

"I promise I'll try to be better," Draco said with certainty. Seeing Narcissa’s eyes light up in gratefulness and the smiley dimples form on her features, he assured himself it was the right thing to say at that mother-son moment.

“How could I be so lucky to have such a wise boy,” she muttered proudly, kissing Draco at the top of his head. “But perhaps you should not restrain yourself too much during the holiday. I give you the partial alibi per se. Just keep it under control.”

Smiling, Narcissa got up, straightening up her impeccable posture as in the habit of the high-status woman. For the first time in that day, Draco noticed how elegantly she was dressed up: the black, partly lacy dress stopping at the level of her knees; the shiny-white pearl jewelry perfectly matching her entire outfit; dark yet not defiant high-heels; andhair fixed up in the tight bun. In Draco’s opinion, she looked too prim...even for herself.

"Mother, are you heading somewhere?" he asked curiously.

“Well…” she started, blushing. “I’m going to see my old friend in the coffee shop. I haven’t been there for ages, so it’s one of the chances to meet up with them. Hopefully, you are going to take care of yourself for a few days.” 

"Days?" he asked, shocked.

“You didn’t expect me to travel from town to town, did you?” she laughed lightly. “Bordeaux is quite a route to overcome. So I might be settling there for a few nights. Do you mind it, darling?”

Was he positive about the information? Did he mind? Partly yes. He didn’t imagine the prospect of wandering around the alleys of France on his own, especially on the first day of being there. But from the other side, seeing the joy painted on his mother’s face as she told him about the planned get-together made him feel less skeptical. Plus, getting rid of the extreme supervision for a few days wouldn’t be such a disaster as well.

As he calculated now, the ratio about the idea was 90% pro and 10% against.

"Of course not," he said simply, smiling at his mother.

"I knew you would understand." The crease of uncertainty on her forehead disappeared, and she let out a sigh of relief. "Meanwhile... I have already booked you the brunch downstairs but seeing as you are not in the wholesome state, I might order a delive-"

"Don't..." Draco opposed, rising from the bed and throwing the nearest shirt he could find over his head. "I'll come down. Some fresh air may be a cure for a hangover. Oh, and speaking of hangovers -- do you happen to have an anti-hangover potion?"

Narcissa let out a quiet chuckle and clapped her hands, seemingly satisfied with herself. Her tranquil gaze landed on the cupboard. "As a matter of self-preservation, yes, I do. Try searching inside the bedside cabinet."

He thanked her and then they talked with each other a little bit longer until Narcissa took the pocket watch out of her handy purse, noted the time ("Merlin's Beard, I am so tardy! I'm going to be alone on the platform if I stay here a minute longer!), and –a little startled with her inadvertency – hurriedly declared she should get going ("I really should get going Draco!”). Pecking her son twice on the cheeks as a farewell, she rushed towards the door and, for the last time, turned around to blow a brief motherly goodbye kiss. She left in such a hurry that the only sign indicating her presence in the room a few seconds ago was her familiar perfume lingering about in the air.

Draco gathered his clothes, and after half an hour of very difficult preparations while dealing with the consequences of yesterday's actions -- because the potion finally hits after two to three hours -- he found himself in front of the hotel's restaurant. As he walked in, he had to admit the room enchanted him with its lovely atmosphere, which brought back the memories of his first Hogwart's magical feast as an eleven-year-old boy.

With the large windows allowing plenty of light in, the entire space was in the classical style. The whole floor was clad with marble tiles in the white-like color; the walls were purely white and, apparently, someone must have put a lot of effort not to let a single dust spot appear in there; the ceiling was created in the concept of the sky resemblance making an impression of the real clouds hovering over heads. Three enormous chandeliers made a very good fit with carved wooden tables and similarly-looking chairs.

"Sir, would you like to make an order?" The decently looking waitress walked over to his table, with a white apron around her waist and green, deep eyes staring at him. "I'm Laura, by the way. I'll be serving you today."

He nodded, not really paying much attention to her primitive attempts of having a chit-chat. Cursorily glancing at the menu, he decided on having a french bagel with melted cheese and a coffee which was a specialty of the house as was written in the recommendations. The waitress scribbled something sloppily in her notes, smiled briefly, and then strode away.

The restaurant was almost fully emptied, and the only things heard in the background were a heated discussion of the couple beside the table and a composition of french, old songs prepared specifically for the guests.

Draco let out a small sigh of boredom, thinking yet again about the scenery of today. The only ideas that crossed his mind were either lounging in his stuffy hotel room or finding another hang-out spot to drown his sorrows.

After the War, he had found out it was pretty easier not to give in to any of the memories, blurring them out with the support of Scotch as a coping mechanism. Pansy and Daphne, his childhood friends, had tried to talk him out of it, kindly offering some tenderness and a chance for a conversation. But he had eventually stopped caring about any of that bullshit anymore.

That's why perhaps he'd just--

"Hi!" said a cheerful voice behind him, making him jump slightly at his seat with surprise. At first, he thought it was a mistake; that he must have been deemed as someone else considering he didn't know anyone around, so was in the opposite way. Turning around, however, made him realize it wasn't entirely the truth. "Do you remember me?"

"Hello." Of course, he remembered her. It was the receptionist from the previous day, whose name he didn't bother to memorize. Although he planned on avoiding potential candidates for a talk today, he said truthfully, "Yes, I do. You work here, right?"

"Yeah," she confirmed, smiling. "Can I join?"

For a moment, his sluggish brain did not process what she was asking about, and that made him frown. The girl probably comprehended what it was about because she explained, reading his confused expression. "...the table".

"Oh," he said, feeling more than embarrassed for his dumb reaction. "Yeah, help yourself."

"Thanks," she mumbled, pulling out the chair to make some room for herself. "Tough night, huh?"

The inquiry made him suddenly realize she must have witnessed the whole scene yesterday -- him asking her for a favor, Narcissa drilling her out for any clues about his disappearance, his arrogant attitude, and scurrility as he spoke to her. For sure, if she were smart enough, she would deduce what the situation was about.

He couldn't help it, but a wave of shame pierced through his body, and his stomach rolled slightly.

"A little," he answered minimizing a dimension of the spree, almost like a lie, and then he shook his head. "Listen, sorry about yesterday. I might have been...rude."

A small smile of courtesy formed on her lips. "I presumed you were a little off. Happens..." she said tentatively, gripping both of her hands together. "Oh, and about yesterday -- you lost this at the lobby." She took his wand out, and Draco's stomach made a second roll, the heartbeat hastening like a speed of light. He quickly tried to bring his face to the natural expression, but the girl had noticed that, and curiosity filled her eyes. "I thought I should give that back. In case it was valuable or something."

Fucking great... How was he supposed to elucidate that?

His throat felt so dry he couldn't let out a word of excuse. The moment was so mortifying to him he just reached for the familiar wand and nodded politely in gratefulness.

"Mhm..." Draco hummed, barely audible and momentarily deflated. "It's just... Something I've been training with..."

What the fuck is that supposed to mean, dolt?!

"Oh," the girl unconsciously flipped her hair off the shoulders, probably trying to make sense of the information. Furrowing her brows, she put her hand under the chin. "Are you a magician?"

"Kind of..." he agreed, not happy about the reputation he had just created for himself, but at the same time satisfied he didn't have to make up more explanations.

Luckily for Draco, the uncomfortable pause was rescued by the arrival of the food -- thank Merlin -- and even though he hadn't been hungry at all, now he felt an unexpected appetite to eat up the awkwardness. The girl probably caught a hint it was about time to end an encounter because she grunted.

"Listen," the girl started, clearing her throat yet again. "I better get going. But..."

The next thing Draco knew was that she was reaching to her pocket again, this time taking out something similar to a quill, only without ink. He assumed it must some kind of muggle invention, only a mechanical-like version. The girl uncorked it and suggestively drew out her hand, clearly signifying he should bring his hand closer as well. He obediently did.

"France is a big city," she said, glancing at him and sounding serious. "If you ever needed someone to show you around, let me know."

Without any preamble, her soft, delicate fingers grasped his forearm (he made sure to give her the right one), and with a few scrawls on his skin, she looked at him merrily, blushing slightly, and then left a table.

He stared after her for a while, looking at her curls bouncing behind her back as she walked away at a slow, monotonic pace. After a few seconds, she disappeared out of his sight, letting him finally peek at the note she had left:

'Call me, Y/N,' and a nine-digit number attached.

XOXOXO

A/N: I know this part might have contained too little Draco x Reader momento, but I promise it’ll get better as a plot develops. Also -- is it only my impression, or is Narcissa as changeable as the weather in Germany lol.

#draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco x you #draco malfoy x female reader #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy fanfic #summer nights #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco Malfoy x oc #harry potter #harry potter fanfic #draco Malfoy x you #Harry potter imagine #draco Malfoy fanfic #hp #draco malfoy x muggle #my writing #draco x oc #draco

[normal-thoughts-official]

what are your thoughts about izzy and alec’s sibling bond from the scenes we got from the show

i liked their relationship a lot, actually. which is not to say that it was flawless, but the flaws we got to see were honestly some of what made me the most interested in them. and then of course sh dropped it like a hot potato, but like... it was still pretty interesting to me

disclaimer that this is my own Abused Kid™ stuff projecting for sure, but i still think the way i see their relationship makes sense (or well, i'm not sure if i would say my parents were abusive, but they are quite a lot like the lightwoods in their own way and i definitely consider the lightwoods abusers, so it doesn't really matter that much). so like this will probably feature a fair amount of oversharing lol

anyway! so what i find really interesting and really like about alec and izzy's relationship is that despite the fact that them having abuser parents who honestly put them in very specific "kid who always fucks up" vs "kid who is expected to do everything perfect" roles, they managed to still be friends and on each other's side and have an overall very loving and supporting relationship. i think that's what attracted me to their sibling bond the most, because for decades me and my brother didn't really manage to be close or build a relationship precisely because of those roles. in our case, my brother was the fuckup kid, i was the kid who had to always be perfect (in my case, lowkey to "compensate" for him) and it led to him resenting me and being all but afraid of me because everything i did seemed to be so much better than him in my parent's eyes, so... yeah

so it always struck me as pretty interesting that alec and izzy seemed to be genuinely so close. izzy is one of the few people who gets alec to smile and who gets to ever touch alec, and although they have a lot of differences, it always came down way more to teasing than to actual fighting between them

but also - which is partially why i said that their flaws were part of what drew me to them the most - the tensions that emerged from that abusive background were very much there, and i found that pretty interesting

another disclaimer that i tend to relate to alec more, because i was in the same role as him, but also tend to be very forgiving towards izzy because i see my brother in her and i blame myself for our relationship way more than him since he was the weakest link there lol. but also in part i think i project unto her in the sense that i kept trying to make things easier to my brother, but i kept fucking up because i didn't fully understand his situation, and i definitely think that's what went on with izzy and alec

so let's get into the details of how the whole "fuckup kid" vs "golden kid" (and disclaimer before ppl come yell at me again: i'm not saying that alec was treated well by his parents or that they treated him like he was good enough, because they definitely didn't. i'm saying that when compared to izzy he was considered the kid that had potential, that could be trusted, and who had the most amount of pressure put unto. again, that was how i was treated by my parents, so miss me with the "wow you think alec had it easy?" shit because i know damn well he did not lol. the "golden kid" is an abuse archetype and therefore it means you are abused. calm down) thing affected their relationship in particular

so alec was the eldest, and i think from very early on he latched unto the expectations his parents had for him as a way to protect himself and make sense of the world. i was telling autistic alec anon just today how i think that the fact that shadowhunter culture was so black and white and gave alec such a clear sense of what he was supposed to do and who he was supposed to be kind of helped him navigate the world because it made it easier for him to figure out the path to follow when everything else was just so confusing and the expectations were so crushing and everything he felt was so complicated. i think alec's always known that he didn't conform, and because he didn't have a safe outlet to let that out, he decided to just go by the book to protect himself. which is valid

that being said, i think the other half of the reason why he decided to pursue the "perfect shadowhunter" existence so hard was exactly because of izzy (and later jace and max). because again, alec is the eldest, and he was already being crushed by expectations of upholding the lightwood name and following the rules and whatnot. like, maryse and robert basically expected their kids to undo all the shit they had done when they joined the circle, and they didn't even tell them that that was the reason, so they were probably just taught that they should do what the lightwoods said because and that was that. and because there were all these stakes that they didn't even understand or know about, the pressure was harder

and alec was already being taught to be a leader, and he loved his sister, so he probably wanted to shield her from all the pressure of those expectations, because he knew he was out there fucking killing himself for it. so i think part of the reason he tried so hard to be perfect was because, if he was perfect, izzy (and then jace and max) would get to breathe a little bit. alec is pretty self sacrificial and definitely has a tendency to shoulder suffering in the place of ppl he loves, so i don't think that's far fetched. also, we saw how alec literally shouldered all the blame for jace's fuckups, despite the fact that jace did it all behind alec's back and with alec telling him not to do it (i'm saying jace because from what i remember what got alec punished in particular was something that jace and clary did, not izzy, but izzy was definitely also going against whatever alec told her to and i have no doubt that he would shoulder the blame for her as well, although i don't think she would use that against him, unlike some people. but i digress). but alec just allowed himself to be punished for it like it was on him, so i think it makes sense to believe that alec tried to take the brunt of their parents' pressure so izzy wouldn't have to

and the thing is that i think that izzy... never realized that. i mean, i'm sure she realized that alec was trying way too hard to be what their parents expected of her, but she never realized that she was part of the reason. and she tried to get him to rebel a little bit because she thought that he needed it, and i mean, she was right, but what she didn't realize is that the fact that alec didn't rebel was so she could. not that izzy was not facing consequences for her rebelling, because we saw how maryse treated her versus how she treated alec and jace (it's very interesting to me also how once jace came into the picture he became an actual golden kid, not a "golden kid" like the abused kid who is put as impossibly better than the other one but still never good enough, but actually good enough, and how that was used to put alec in that position where he had to work even harder as well. but that's for another post)

and that's the frustrating part (and i think the part i relate to izzy for the most) because i think she was genuinely trying to help? but she never really understood alec. i was also talking earlier today (or was it yesterday? rip my time blindness but it was definitely recent) about how many people seem to understand alec's coming out story as an internalized homophobia story, and how i don't think that's how it was at all. i don't wanna repeat myself so if anyone's interested in that it's here. and the thing is, i think izzy made the same mistake. she falsely assumed that alec didn't rebel because he genuinely internalized that being gay was bad and because he was lying to himself about it, but that wasn't the case at all. alec knew he was gay and accepted that, he just decided to stay in the closet and live life that way. which obviously is horrible and traumatic, but it's different, and because izzy couldn't tell the difference, she made it worse

izzy kept trying to make alec "accept" himself, but alec didn't really have a problem accepting himself; he just wanted to keep that a secret to protect himself. but because she thought that he was in denial, she kept trying to push him to... not exactly admit because i wouldn't say she was all like "alec just say it you'll feel better" but to maybe "face" it, and alec interpreted that as her demanding that he came out of the closet, which he couldn't do. so he kept closing off and she kept interpreting that as him being in denial, so she kept pushing, and she made things infinitely worse for him even if i am 100% sure her intentions were good (just look at how protective she was of alec and magnus during the beginning of their relationship, or how she tried to get maryse and robert to marry her off instead of alec, or the difference between how clary and jace talked about it - "you're in love with jace"; "this is about your feelings" - and how izzy talked about it - "alec, it's okay") but as we say in brazil, hell is filled to the brim with good intentions

that is not to say that izzy didn't go on that straight shit from time to time ("we all got our things, don't we?" comes to mind, but i gotta say it really pisses me off how everyone talks about izzy being homophobic in that scene and completely ignores how openly racist alec was. like obviously both are fucked up, but yall clearly seem to think only one of these is a problem. but that's for another post) but i think that generally her intentions were always to get alec to be more comfortable with himself/happier. she noticed how much the lightwood's expectations were crushing him, but again, she didn't realize that alec was choosing to take the brunt of these. she didn't realize that he couldn't rebel like she did because of her. not until it was too late

i think izzy only started to realize that - particularly how much of her rebelling was only allowed because alec was there as a safe option so they couldn't afford to have a "fuckup child" even if obviously they still hated that they couldn't control izzy - when she tried to get the lightwoods to marry her instead of alec and they were like... lol? it's alec who's supposed to save the lightwood name, not you. you are worthless as a bride and as a peace offering

and that's when it hit her that alec was taking a role, a role that he had been effectively protecting her from having to take, but that also meant she couldn't help him

i think that's when she realized, because you can see the change in her behavior, you know - "you stood by me, so now i'm standing by you, big brother". she understood that alec was trying to protect her the same way she had tried to protect him and never realized, but that by trying to get alec to just stop without thinking about what the greater picture was for him, she was just making things harder for him. i think that was some very interesting growth we got to see

and on the other hand alec didn't realize that izzy had been trying to protect him as well. like i think that she definitely laid the whole "fuckup kid" thing too thick, which was partially for herself, like, basically embracing the role because she would never be good enough for the lightwoods so why not just accept that she was a fuckup and be everything they despised? but i think she also partially did it for alec, because she wanted to show him that it was okay. that there could be a life that wasn't just doing what your parents expected you to. and like, sure, she got treated like shit for it, and she faced some forms of abuse that alec didn't (mainly touch/affection withdrawal from what we got to see in the show, but also considerable more verbal degrading. again im not saying alec had it easy, especially because we know that the parts where maryse expressed "pride" over him were basically used to make him do what she wanted; but still, the difference in treatment is very clear), but she was still standing, so it was possible, see?

i don't even think this is something i had to defend a lot because she said it so many times? she was always telling alec that he could loosen up, that it was okay (she said the exact words "it's okay" many times). she had a kinda, idk, sassy attitude over it, generally treating it like a joke, but imo that was because she knew that if she talked about it in all seriousness alec would shut down, like he had many times. so i think by making it into a joke and playing the mindless "woo i don't care about anything" character she was trying to have that conversation in a more subtle way. at the very least, alec was amused

and i think a huge part of the fandom also misinterprets izzy as being exactly that shallow person who only thought about immediate gratification that she pretended to be but honestly i don't see that at all? throughout all of season 1, the single thing that drove izzy's character was her desire to protect alec, except for when she tried to save meliorn from him, which was like.... just the decent thing to do. and izzy is not a shallow character. she is not stupid. and she is not primarily driven by her own desires. that is not to say that izzy was never selfish (see: how she treated raphael, so much shit about sizzy), but she is not the kind of character who only does whatever the fuck she wants to because it sounds more fun that's jace and clary. most of the time, her primary motivation was to help alec or clary, aka people that she loves. i think that, like alec, she is the kind that only extends that protectiveness over the people closest to her and is not really the "helping everyone out" type, but she is also not completely self-absorbed like she pretended to be. and i don't think she even cared all that much about parties and whatnot. like when did we see her going to one on her own without it being a mission? when did we see izzy actually pursuing one night stands? that is not to say that these things are bad, but if izzy were that girl who only cares about sleeping around and having fun like she pretended to be, then one would think we would see her actually doing that instead of just performing that shallow mindless sexy girl stereotype?

and like look i know that she was written to be a sexy lamp or whatever but if the writers aren't gonna care enough about her to make that consistent and show her doing that beyond what she says i might as well go there and give her the depth that she deserves. especially because we got to see izzy talk about that so much. like her saying that one of the things that attracted her to raphael was that for once in her life it didn't feel like everything was all about sex. i find it appalling that people genuinely think that that's all she's about when she made it so clear that it bothered her. like imo izzy took on that role, again, to piss off her parents, and also because it was something that she was good at. she was good at being sexy and she got gratification and positive feedback over that, which she was obviously starved for since her own mother wouldn't even fucking hug her. it was the one thing she didn't fuck up at and that got her to feel like she was treasured, even if really she was just desired

not just that but izzy also consistently made hard choices for those she loved? like im not gonna say that izzy going to save meliorn from torture was anything less than the bare minimum but if she were that shallow self centered persona that only wanted to have fun and didn't care about the consequences she wouldn't have put so much on jeopardy to save them. or risk being deruned and losing everything so she could call the clave out on their bullshit. or break up with meliorn (someone we know she genuinely liked) so she could offer herself to be married off to someone in alec's place. the one thing that we know izzy would be miserable over, because that woman was not born to be no one's trophy wife. and she was fully ready and willing to throw her WHOLE life away for alec. that would be FOREVER. miss me with that "izzy is a shallow girl who only cares about herself and partying" shit

like to me it's very clear that that was a front (especially because the way she talked about it was SO over the top too, like, it sounded so fake. and when we got scenes of her talking to alec or to clary she was a wholly different person, way less confident, way softer. honestly izzy could have been such a great narrative about woc and hypersexualization and the traps of taking over that "femme fatale" role as a form of empowerment or whatever, but of course sh doesn't have the range for that) and i think that front was first and foremost for alec's sake. she was trying to break him out of the lightwood's brainwashing. what she didn't realize was that he wasn't brainwashed, he was making a choice between the very bad options that he had. and alec in turn didn't realize that izzy acted the way she did, in great part, for him, not for herself. i wouldn't say that alec bought that izzy was a shallow girl because we know how much he loves her and that he knows her better than anyone, but i think he also didn't realize she was trying to help/protect him

so it was such an interesting miscommunication issue and i would have loved to see that actually addressed and worked on, but alas. the most we ever got was them talking about being honest to each other about the yin fen. and izzy pretty much didn't get real plotlines or character development anyway daoijdaoij except for the absolute bullcrap that was the yin fen which i am not going to get into because it makes me so angry and i hate it so much

and then of course sh didn't really get into it and basically considered the problem solved once alec came out, which i mean, i guess does take that out of the way when it was the main miscommunication problem between them, but still, they should have had a talk and realized what a stupid dance they were both having and how they would have both benefitted from working together instead of in the name of each other. which is a frequent trope for alec in relationships anyway, too, so it could be a good introduction to these issues, but alas!

in short: i think both alec and izzy love each other very much, have each other's best interests at heart, but weren't really seeing each other as they were. and they both put a front for each other (izzy in particular) that made communication pretty much impossible. and they ended up not being very good for each other (particularly izzy for alec, but i think alec also made her feel alone and like he saw her as.. just some stupid girl, you know?), but i loved to see how these things were there simultaneously. the wanting to help each other and the effectively only making things worse. the love that was so present and so strong despite all of that. the way that they never became competitive or resented each other like kids who are raised with those dynamics usually get. i just love how there was so much going on and so many problems but still so much love between them. i really wished we got to see it actually get some sort of closure and more exploration, but. fuck me i guess

#ask #anonymous #long post #meta #izzy lightwood meta #alec lightwood meta #lightwood siblings #sh #anti alec lightwood #anti izzy lightwood #it's not really anti either of them but im tagging so ppl who cant stand ever seeing that ppl have flaws stay away #seriously if i get hate from an alec stan over that again im going to be so mad #go away #salt #anti jace herondale #anti clary fray #anti rizzy #anti sh #anti sh writers #yeah i think that's it #abuse tw #oversharing #a little bit #anti maryse lightwood #anti robert lightwood #ok NOW i think that's it

[allsassnoclass]

HAZEL! i am giving you the prompt "high fiving" and i don't care who you write it for but if you'd rather i choose then i choose mashton. xoxo bella

well. in a strange turn of events, i'm going to ignore the mashton suggestion

mirry: high fiving

"Okay," Michael says, climbing into Harry's bunk. Harry obligingly shifts over as much as he can, trying to avoid Michael's elbows and knees in the intricate dance they do every-so-often to position themselves comfortably in a bed made only for one person.

"Okay what?" Harry asks after they've situated themselves in a way that works, Michael's leg thrown over Harry's and his arm acting as Harry's pillow.

"Oh, right," Michael says. "I came here to say something. If they try to use our relationship in the prank war, you can't let them. I'm already nervous enough coming over here to sleep, I don't need you to give me trust issues, too."

Harry hums. A few weeks ago the guys in 5 Seconds of Summer began a prank war against the One Direction camp, and the results have been catastrophic. Silly string, post-it notes, dog toys, 12 cans of soda, and a live goldfish (now given to Paul and lovingly named Rodger) have all been used in various ways in an all-out brawl, and that's not even the half of it. There have been many casualties on both sides. Harry's just glad that the blue hair dye washed out of Zayn's hair relatively easily, because their Lou would've pitched a fit otherwise.

"Alright," Harry says, thinking of how easily Harry could lure Michael to the bus for an ambush or the secrets they've shared that could be used as leverage. He's honestly surprised that Louis hasn't suggested it yet. "You won't let your band use us, either, right?"

"Of course," Michael snorts. "I love my band, but I love--well, I like you, too. A lot. I'm not going to let a prank war mess that up."

Harry can see the crimson tint of Michael's cheeks in the bad lighting. He hopes that no one in the band is around and listening, because Michael's first use of the word love in relation to them should be a private thing, even if it was a slip of the tongue that he doesn't quite mean yet.

"I like you a lot, too," Harry says simply. He can see Michael's grin in the bad lighting, too, and leans forward to kiss it right off his face.

-/-

The next day he gets a text from Michael accompanied by a picture of the fridge in their bus, which seems to be filled entirely with something white and fluffy, possibly shaving cream based on how much Liam bought at the store yesterday.

what did you fuckers do with my jello cups the text reads, then this needs to stop im hungry, then break a leg 2nite btw <3

Harry spends the entirety of the performance partially braced in case the emos decide to retaliate in the middle of a concert (again). Afterwards Louis sidles up to him and asks if he knows what type of shampoo Michael uses with faux innocence.

This definitely needs to stop.

-/-

Michael invites Harry over to the 5sos bus that night, and they stay up late making plans in hushed whispers. When he sees his band the next day everyone looks worse for wear due to multiple alarm clocks hidden on the bus and set to go off at different times, which earns Michael multiple death threats that he brushes off easily. He swears up and down that he didn't know, but he's a really bad liar.

"Did you invite me over so I'd actually get to sleep?" Harry asks. Michael shrugs. "Aw, that's very sweet."

"Shut up," Michael says, giving him a push.

"I'm serious," Harry laughs, bouncing right back. "You're sweet. You can be sweet and punk rock at the same time."

Michael's face twists up in the way it does when he's trying to hide a smile. Harry doesn't comment when he links their pinkies together as they walk through the venue.

-/-

Twenty minutes before 5 Seconds of Summer is meant to perform, Ashton, Luke, and Calum burst into One Direction's dressing room wearing only one shoe each. Harry glances up briefly from his spot on the couch, then returns to looking at the meme that Michael found on his phone, legs thrown over Harry's lap.

"You," Ashton says, pointing at Louis. "Where are our fucking shoes?"

"Where are ours?" Louis spits back, barefoot and holding up his right shoe like a projectile weapon. "Every single pair of shoes in this room only has the rights!"

"If you didn't take them, then who did?" Calum asks. Michael coughs pointedly, bringing all of the attention to them.

"Now that we're all here, Harry and I have something to say," Michael says. "We're putting an end to this prank war. We want to make out in peace without worrying about whatever bullshit everyone is coming up with to make each other miserable. It was a good run. There were some awesome pranks. I know I speak for the rest of my band when I say we enjoyed finding pictures of Chad Kroeger hidden everywhere, and I'm sure we'll still find more until the tour ends. But I want to hang out with Harry without worrying about the next prank, and I miss when we all hung out as a group. We'll tell you where the shoes are if you promise to stop the prank war."

The room erupts into sound. It's not a huge dressing room when all nine of them are packed in it, and Harry winces when Michael opens his mouth and starts yelling nonsense next to him at the top of his lungs until everyone else falls silent.

"So?" he asks. "Do you want your shoes or not?"

"Harry, what do you have to say?" Niall asks. "Are you going to betray us like this?"

Harry shrugs.

"I think Michael's right," he says slowly. "Can't we be friends again? Without the pranks? Why do we have to fight?"

"Well said, babe," Michael says.

"Yeah, a regular Romeo and Juliet moment over here," Louis says dryly. Harry sticks his tongue out at him.

"I want my shoes back," Luke says. "Truce?"

He extends a hand, which everyone in One Direction eyes warily until Liam finally steps forward and takes it. The handshake is passed around with slaps on the back and general "good prank, mate"s. Michael holds out his hand and Harry slaps it in a very triumphant high-five.

"Fuck yeah," Michael says.

"Nice job," Harry says, looping his arm around Michael's neck so he can tug him down and kiss his cheek. Someone in the group yells "ew, gross!" which they both hold up their middle fingers to and start making out in retaliation of.

Harry gets hit with a shoe, which startles him enough to pull away.

"Ow," he says.

"Give us our shoes," Ashton says sternly. "We go on in fifteen minutes."

"Oh, right," Michael says, launching himself from the couch. "This way!"

He leads everyone on a march out of the dressing room like a triumphant drill sergeant, mixed ranks of One Direction and 5SOS members following behind. Harry watches them from the couch, both shoes already securely on his feet, and smiles at the thought of Michael and him bringing everyone together again.

He also knows where all of the Chad Kroeger photos are, and the emos definitely still have a few surprises for them back at the bus.

#my writing #mirry #drabble #baby's first mirry! whoo! #this was fun. i hated trying to think of pranks for it #almost as bad as trying to think of gifts for ficmas #also bella i'm not going to answer your other ask in case monse doesn't want it spoiled #but i was right about it being tswift lol. #i am not a swiftie and i don't know that particular song so that's fine