#or why we stopped talking

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[tolerateit]

it's such a tragic irony that swifties, who rallied so hard for regulations on AI usage - because we all knew and experienced how dangerous it can be in the worst possible way, still continue to use AI to generate songs and alarm sounds and album/song covers using taylor's voice like it doesn't violate her artistry at all. and then defend it by saying this is different because they're doing it with positive intentions. there's literally nothing productive about using AI to generate any kind of content, especially not when that content is a blatant (and disgustingly shallow) impersonation of someone swifties claim to love and respect so much

#meg talks #Why the fuck are y'all still making songs using AI do we not know how fucked up it is? Not to mention the song is SHITTY af lmao just stop? #Using her voice to make her say anything you want is creepy disgusting and terrifying #taylor swift

[knifearo]

ultimately when it comes to shipping and fandom space treatment of aspec characters i just don't accept "aro/ace people can still date/have sex" as an answer from nonaspecs. like yeah. mhm. okay. now i think we both know that you're not saying that out of real interest in the diversity of aspec experiences. so you can turn in your seventeen-page essay on why and how you plan to examine this character's aspec identity within the context of a romantic or sexual relationship complete with evidence from canon and peer reviews from multiple aspec people within the next week or i'm putting you in the pit from the edgar allen poe story

#you know. the one with the pendulum #'hey. why are you as an allo person shipping this aspec character like this' #'oh aspec people can still date/have sex!' #'yeah. now can you answer the question that i actually asked you' #like goddamn just say you don't care they're aspec and you want to fulfill a sexual/romantic fantasy with them. that's Fine #it like. sucks. for sure. lotta aspec people will be unhappy with you. but everyone is entitled to their own wants and experiences. #but i'd prefer you just be honest with it rather than using our community's conversation points as retroactive justification #and ONCE AGAIN. you guys are real fucking cavalier with this shit and it shows a real fundamental lack of respect for aspecs #when most of you would NEVER ship a canonically gay character with the 'other' gender. cause again. it would suck. #you can do it. nobody's Stopping you. but it would suck. #and we understand that putting a queer character in situations that erase that queerness is shitty! until it comes to aspec characters! #and whoa... there it is again... people don't consider aspec identities to be queer... crazy how it always comes back to that #anyway. you all know what i'm talking about. have seen many posts about this lately #it is [ long sigh ] unfortunately a very hot button issue with the advent lately of alastor hazbinhotel #which. again. god i wish there were other canon aspec characters to be having this conversation about. #but we'll have to do our best with what we have #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #aroace #talking #aspec #asexual #asexuality

[bruciemilf]

Comic book writers who still make Bruce hit his kids even after years of mass criticism from fans who TELL you it's a bad creative choice that pushes them away from the fan base and comics in general,,, you did this for what?

#no bc like lets talk about it. if you hate robins that much. just. don't include them. but it's a very specific case of brain rot for comic #book nerds and writers -- MALE comic book nerds & writers -- that just. stops them from understanding #we're here because we love seeing bruce being a good father? we're here because we enjoy seeing a male superhero capable of #care and love after being so heavily traumatized to OTHER traumatized people? like. why. why is it so hard #to believe we love bruce more when he's a good father? ik the answer -- its bc these creators and consumers are #shitty men in general and they're incapable of understanding we might find healthy traits cooler than the machismo toxicism they've #been regurgitating since the fucking 90s #please just let a woman or a non shitty mam write bruce because this is so tiring #bruce wayne #dc #batman #bruce wayne is a good dad

[mightypigeoneatingyourfries]

I have this headcanon that the only reason why Yoda gave Anakin so much shit about his attachments was because he couldn't get through to any of the masters and needed someone to bitch around.

Obi-Wan going starry-eyed whenever Cody is mentioned. Plo tearfully talking about how his men called him 'dad' in the middle of battle. Aayla scrolling through honeymoon options on the holonet. Mace trying to argue why the clones need better armor and also holidays. Shaak Ti showing around the newest pictures the cadets drew for her.

Yoda: Forbidden, attachments are-

Obi-Wan: Attachments?

Plo: Surely, you must be joking.

Aayla: What even are attachments, anyway.

Mace: Master Yoda, to even imply such a thing ... honestly, I thought you were better than this.

Shaak Ti: Master, I am truly wounded by your distrust.

Yoda: ...

Yoda, shaking: Go bully the bitch boy, I must.

#anakin skywalker #Yoda #star wars #clone wars #codywan #shitpost #honestly yoda was just salty #yoda: wrong attachment is #anakin: but why does master Kenobi call the commander babygirl #yoda: stop talking for a while we should #obi wan kenobi #jedi #headcanon #1k #2k

[willowser]

shouto as a dad gets pulled around by his lil girl and tugged into her room and she sits him down in front of her play kitchen and balls up a bunch of different play-doh colors and hands it to him on a plate and he pretends to take a bite and then tells her with a straight face that it's the best meal he's ever eaten

#we talked about this in the group chatty but i cant stop thinking about it akfbtisjakqk 🥺 #he's also the dad to take the play phone from her and have a full conversation #and he talks to her about anything #she asks him why the sky is blue and he explains it to her entirely LOL #'well she asked 🧍‍♂️' #cw children #✿ thoughts: shouto

[butchmartyr]

ultimately you have to remember that complaining about "4chan white trans women who are bigoted and so and so" is almost entirely pointless for any purpose aside from raising transmisogynistic sentiments in observers. this specter of an evil tranny is constantly looming despite the individuals being rare and often total shut ins, and people expect transfems to take this shit seriously and be constantly swearing off association with """bad people""". these people, when they do exist, by and large lack the power to actually do anything with their beliefs; obviously if they do it sucks but this idea that there are trans women ~getting away with it~ and that all transfem communities allow and hide this behavior is blatantly transmisogynistic in addition to often being completely imagined! its insane to act like you have to choose between resisting white supremacy and resisting transmisogyny, and yet, people wind up continually portraying it as this

#trust me brother most of the people I’ve been friends with are trans women ive seen trans women say racist stuff before #my circles challenge it and figure it out #these subhumans are talking like we dont deeply value the contributions of black trans women to transfeminism #im all for combating white supremacy in lgbt spaces including transfem ones #which is why we have to stop people just adding 'white' in front of whatever transmisogynistic shit they want to say #transmisogyny and racism are closely linked due to the racialized expectations we have for womanhood and tackling them together is critical #and talking over trans women on this- especially trans women of color and jewish trans women- is batshit insane and yet impossibly common #genderposting #sasha speaks #stop putting spacelazarwolf on my dash lol

[average-hua-cheng-fan]

what did it do to hua cheng psychologically to keep killing qi rong i wonder. just cause he looks so similar to xie lian. maybe that's a part of why he hates qi rong so much.

#hua cheng seething and coping because qi rong is the closest thing he has to xie lian but he fucking HATES that guy #yin yu: why do you keep specifically seeking out a wrath you find disgusting? hua cheng: how about we stop talking for a little while #the personal vendetta.. yeah #i think its a bit more complicated though #i speak #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #qi rong #hua cheng #hualian #xie lian #xianle #heaven official's blessing #hob #tgcf meta

[mars-doodles]

some wizards only fools nonsense

#adventure time #adventure time fanart #princess bubblegum #bubbline #finn the human #jake the dog #at #how about we stop talking for a little while #why does serizawa call you babygirl #doodle #doodles #rkgk #warm-up sketch #artists on tumblr

[sakurabraches]

columbina visiting arlecchino in fontaine and freaking everyone out when she calls arlecchino "puppy" in public

arle: here's the glass of wine you requested, dearest

bina: aww, thank you. what a good puppy~

freminet: *jaw dropped*

lynette: wtf wtf

lyney: why is she talking to my dad like that

#genshin #genshin impact #fatui #the knave #arlecchino #columbina #the damselette #arlebina #fontaine #house of the hearth #the dinner table got real quiet after that #lyney #lynette #freminet #why does lady columbina call you babygirl #why dont we stop talking for a little while #genshin harbingers #fatui harbingers

[gotham-daydreams]

Alfred: *uses emotional blackmail and guilt tripping against the Batfam*

*ITS SUPER EFFECTIVE*

That's exactly it! LMAO

What can he say? Guilt, and just becoming aware of how much you've missed of someone's life — someone who lived in the same house as you for years, and is supposed to be family no less — is an incredibly good motivator.

Just a few spare tapes being played at just the right moment, and couple of flyers being handed to them — well, he hardly had to do much at all. They did the rest of the work themselves, though to say that wasn't the point all along would be a lie.

All he had to do was plant the seeds, and give them a bit of water, before just sitting back and watching them grow. :]

He's just an old man, and someone very dedicated to his job. He can't just look for the reader by himself... not as efficiently or quickly as the rest of the Batfam can, anyway. So he might as well pull a few harmless tricks to at least get them searching.

After all, it's the least they could do, no?

#talking daydreams #platonic yandere batfam #yandere batfam #yandere dc #yandere alfred #he's just a silly guy y'know? #just you're average butler who could do no wrong #and totally isn't why the batfam is going on manhunt to find the reader #not at all #what made you think of such an idea? #it was completely out of his hands #what was he supposed to do? #nothing stops the batman- not even him #(or maybe he can but let's ignore that for now- shall we?)

[front-facing-pokemon]

#this is certainly the most goat looking angle i've ever seen for cobalion #i kinda wish the rest of the swords of justice were relevant in gti. y'know? we only saw virizion and keldeo but we never got to #hear virizion's stories about what the other swords of justice were up to. or even like. about the fact that she is a legendary pokémon #she never talked about it. no one acknowledged it. everyone was just down bad for her with no idea she's a legendary #literally a sword of justice. no “where's cobalion & terrakion” just oh FUCK you're hot #and then she gets a crush on emolga of all pokémon. which‚ fail. he is in love with dunsparce. do not take this from him #i'm so disconnected from the actual canon of pmd at this point i've become so engrossed in my own devised version #with all my own versions of all the characters with real names that just are not anything like their canon counterparts at this point #i've changed pmd so much in my own head that it's like. do i even like pmd anymore #yes. yes i do. my pmd is simply a different version of the same thing that we all love. impossible to like pmd without creating fan content #i firmly believe this. hey why don't i stop talking about unrelated things in cobalion's tags #cobalion

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

(i love you, i love you (kill me in the morning) ; bonus part)

kenjaku rests on a tatami mat, admiring the ephemeral glow of the starry sky.

it’s a sight to behold, truly: the infinity within it, blooming endlessly across the milky way, before his very eyes. that swirling of indigo and pure white. endless possibilities, just out of reach — so close he can almost reach out and touch them, feel them glide across the skin of his fingertips.

slowly and sweetly, savouring the cold air, he ponders. legs crossed, hair swaying gently in the summer breeze; about this, and about that. about a plan that’s been resting in the back of his mind for thousands of years.

he wonders if there is any way you could be of use to him. 

without too much contemplation needed, he decides that there isn’t. that nothing about you could benefit his goal, that there’s nothing your presence could possibly accomplish. that you have no place, in the world he resides in, no place in the narrative of the story he is crafting. no place in the clash between curses and sorcerers and everything in between.

(and kenjaku understands, without needing to peek into his host’s memories, that perhaps that is exactly why suguru geto loved you.)

he goes to visit you, anyway. just for the fun of it, just to satisfy the ingrained urge his body has to do so. and it’s fascinating, it truly is — the fondness that sprouts in the confines of his chest when his eyes meet yours. a childhood muscle memory, one this body could never fully rid itself of. 

it is nothing short of horrified, the expression on your face; you look like you could pass out any second, and kenjaku finds it just a little bit amusing. 

but he bites back a laugh, and his lips curl up into a smile. not the smile of a people-pleaser, nor the smile of a liar, but the smile of something rather monstrous.

kenjaku does not think you will figure him out. he does not think it possible. how could you possibly? with such miniscule cursed energy, without any concept of the soul? 

and yet you do.

you tell him that he isn’t suguru geto, and you’re absolutely right. and now, kenjaku is maybe just the slightest bit intrigued.

(how strange. how amusing.

is there really no limit to what love can accomplish?)

eyes shining with barely contained, gleeful curiosity, he takes a step forward, and you call out for a dead man. a ghost. kenjaku does not expect anything to happen, because how could it?

— a hand comes up to squeeze at his throat.

it is a firm grip, with strangulation as its intended purpose. a lethal kind of ferocity. almost desperate, primal, like a mother wolf protecting her cub; the pads of his lithe fingers press into the sides of his own esophagus, and prevent any air from entering his lungs. those chipped nails dig into his pale skin, vicious and ruthless, hard enough to draw blood.

it is violent, it is gritty, it is devoted. an instinct of the body, as natural as the beating of a heart.

kenjaku can’t help it — he chokes on a laugh, as suguru’s hand curls around his throat. within the vice grip lies an old promise, molded into the very fabric of his being. a promise that transcends death.

he’ll protect you forever. 

kenjaku smiles, all teeth. drool dribbling down his chin, neck bruised and bloodied. pondering; about this, and about that. about two children by a dusty summer creek.

(no matter what, huh?

— such a fool.)

#suguru is so mother wolf coded to me #kenny meeting gojo in shibuya after this n immediately getting choked out again LMAOO #“why is ur neck so bruised” “how abt we stop talking for a little while :)” #i was gonna put this part in the fic at first but i feel like the pov shift from geto->reader->kenny wouldve been too abrupt…. #so i just. made a bonus thingie…. if ur reading this!! i love u !!!! tysm for reading u mean the world to meeee <33

[jacarandaaaas]

a collection of book mirabel being the most judgemental mf there is:

#encanto #encanto disney #disneys encanto #mirabel madrigal #bruno madrigal #the funny thing is you can see this going through her head in the movie #like her face doesn’t hide ANYTHING #‘is this why we don’t talk about bruno’ STOP #she rlly was like well this is my only option #I mean atleast she kept her thoughts inside? #encanto books #mirabel encanto

[cherry-bomb1985]

I feel like The Father and Hell both understand and experience love in all the worst ways.

The Father sought to create a life form that would follow and love him unconditionally. It wasn't enough that he had a great cosmic kingdom of angels who are unquestioningly loyal, no, he needed something that knew suffering and mortality and the threat of oblivion, and would still find love at the end; love for him above all else. But after numerous implied failures at that, in his desperation, he instead created the threat of eternal damnation to force them to love him in order avert that fate. Lucifer's words must have been like a splash of cold water, but by the time he realized sheer magnitude of suffering he had unintentionally set into motion, it was too late. He could not destroy Hell; he could not stop the cycle of violence.

That guilt drove him to seek a death that, from the looks of it, eluded him in spite of the hollowness consuming him. And now he is... somewhere, helpless to stop his experiments from consuming one another and themselves in a glorious show of blood and violence.

And then there's Hell itself, who seems to recognize love as an act of violence and cruelty. It is something that derives joy only from the suffering of other living creatures. God gave it so many toys to hurt and break and reform, and Mankind gave it new ones. Why would it understand love as anything but? It gave Minos a facsimile of the son he is most ashamed of, and delighted when he cast it, once more, into a labyrinth. Gabriel flattened all the souls within it's confines beneath his heel and gave those that did bend false hopes.

Now there's V1, tearing its way through the remaining layers and creating a spectacle of violence like nothing Hell has ever witnessed before. How could it not love them all for all the entertainment they've provided?

But deep within its recesses, hidden away from the eyes of Heaven, there was a Gutterman. A machine built for war, who eventually came to love that which it gave it life at the cost of their own. Enough to give the human welded within their coffin the mercy that both Heaven and Hell had denied them; enough to write a single love letter to them, even knowing that it would never be read by its intended recipient.

So, as things turn out, you /can/ teach a machine to love. And they will understand and experience it more sincerely than God or Hell ever could.

#ULTRAKILL #ULTRAKILL spoilers #Mind you this is all just speculation #We still don't know if Hell is aware that the machines will inevitably try to consume it too once the souls and demons run dry #and if it is then whether or not it has a plan to stop that from happening or if it actually /wants/ to be destroyed #or perhaps--like Father like creation--it simply thinks it /cannot/ be destroyed #and we certainly still don't know where God fucked off to after his suicide attempt or why #If he left to seek the end of his days elsewhere #Or--as the first testament might imply--if he's got a new angle #Sorry 7-S got my brain buzzing and there's not a whole lot of game left to get the answers to those particular questions #If they are intended to be answered at all or simply left unknown by the blank slate boomer shooter protagonist #through which we all experience this wild ride #Anyways not a lot of this fandom talks about the Testaments effectively being God's vent posts #and I find both amusement and mild horror at their very existence

[sensitiveheartless]

Does Chuuya call lumberjack Dazai babygirl

ALSKJSJD oh my gosh — you know what, once Chuuya starts feeling a bit steadier, sure 😂

(And Dazai straight up doesn’t know how to respond jdksksjadkjd)

#local children from the nearby village: ‘why does the birdwatcher-guy call you babygirl???’ #Dazai: *aggressively chops wood* ‘how about we stop talking for a little while’ #because I cannot see the word babygirl and not think of the meme #skyline pigeon fic #my art #ask box #bsd #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #soukoku #bungou stray dogs #skk