#only way I accept lake and Felix breaking up

[recoveringdreamer]

TIMING: current PARTIES:  @closingwaters & @recoveringdreamer LOCATION: darkling lake SUMMARY: teagan and felix find their spa day interrupted by teagan's 'duties.' CONTENT WARNINGS: references to parental death & sibling death

Rage was the tempest of emotions, a turbulent storm churning with sorrow and anger. Like thunder and lightning colliding in the dark, relentless sky that made up the core of the nix’s heart. She didn’t tremble, she didn’t shake. As she set up each new trap in the surrounding forest of the lake, Teagan was the calmest she had been in weeks. For as long as she could remember, the storm never broke, it never ceased to be a calamitous eruption, but now? 

All Teagan could feel was a slight rumble. She’d failed before, but this time would be different. She’d be far more calculated and far more careful. Having a desperate wish, Teagan would heed the ghosts of her regrets and failings, accepting that her heart would always be haunted by hundreds of ghosts. There would be no exorcism, and there would be no turning back. She’d done that enough when she let her family die. 

“Okay, next we’re going to polish this off with some spritz.” A sweet aroma danced in the air as the bottle was squeezed after the face mask was removed. It had been days since the traps were set, with no bites. Patience would just have to be taken over satisfaction, and as she waited, Teagan would enjoy her times of peace. Invite Felix over, who was quickly becoming something of a very good friend. They needed someone to help them relax, and Teagan needed the same. It only made sense to utilize her time that way.

“How are ya feelin’? Posh and relaxed?”

This was definitely new. Self care wasn’t something Felix had ever really been taught, even before their mother’s death. While she had been more worldly than their father, she hadn’t had much time for face masks and spa days, too busy teaching her children how to live in two worlds without knowing they’d one day be plucked up and forced to exist only in one. After she was gone, of course, the concept itself became laughable. Their father went into survival mode, consumed by his grief and his vengeance, and there was no room for anything outside of it. ‘Self care,’ in that cabin in the woods that was half home and half jail cell, was getting a few hours of sleep before being shoved out the door to patrol the perimeter and kill anything that dared to break it.

So this was a new experience. But Felix didn’t think it was a bad one. They weren’t sure what they were supposed to be feeling with the weird clay resting upon their face, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. And Teagan, as always, was good company. She seemed serious about making sure Felix had a genuinely relaxing day, and they didn’t think anyone else had ever done that before.

“It’s nice,” they confirmed, smiling a little. “Relaxing. What about you? Are you having fun? It’s your spa day, too. And we’re in your house, so, you know, I think it’s important that you enjoy yourself, too.”

A soft smile laid sweetly on Teagan’s face, eyes twinkling with joy that Felix managed to actually feel relaxed. Everything she was, was meant to protect. Whether it was with claws and fists, or with gentle whispers and lingering affections, she could do both. “Good, good.” She booped Felix’s nose playfully, spritzing herself now that she was done taking care of them. Always a second thought, always last to be fed. “Look at me, I’m relaxing, too, enaid. I’m having loads of fun. Taking care of others is my nature.” Her smile was reassuring, and she planted a kiss to Felix’s forehead before grabbing her cane and heading to the kitchen for some snacks.

“All…right! I made a delicious tray of goodies. Stones, berries—not the ones that will make us tired grumps—cheeses, and some salami for your carnivorous side. None for me though. Too much salt!” The tray was placed down with a quiet and metallic clink, the arrangement something like a Pinterest photo. And honestly, that’s exactly where Teagan got it from. She spent hours on Pinterest and YouTube trying to figure out how to do it all. Thankfully, it came out beautifully. “Go ahead and dig in. I’ll get the wine and–” A chime interrupted her thought, freezing Teagan into one spot for a few beats before she collected herself. Traps have been set off. They needed to be checked.

“I need to do something.” She excused herself calmly, lying with a bright smile as she walked backwardly toward the door. “Enjoy the heated blanket and snacks, and I’ll be back as soon as possible.” Taking one last look at the chime, Teagan bursted into a sprint, straight toward the trap connected to the alarm.

Felix looked at Teagan carefully, trying to ensure that she really was relaxing. She worked herself a little too hard, sometimes. They hadn’t known her long, but they could still tell. She reminded them of their oldest sister, in that way; taking on too much responsibility, taking care of everyone but herself. But she did seem to be relaxing now, and they offered a satisfied nod. “Okay,” they said, “good. That’s good.” The last thing they wanted was to be a burden here, to be someone Teagan sacrificed her own comfort for. That sort of thing never sat right with Felix.

They grinned softly at the mention of snacks, nodding their head as their stomach rumbled quietly. Everything she mentioned sounded wonderful, but the salami was especially tempting. The jaguar had been restless ever since their last fight with Razor, the one that left them with an impressive chunk missing from their arm. The injury was carefully hidden beneath their sleeve, and all the other results of the fight were similarly put away beneath clothing. Teagan, Felix knew, would worry, and they couldn’t explain what had happened without explaining the Pit as a whole, and then she’d want to help, and… Felix couldn’t risk anything happening to her. Not for them. It wouldn’t be worth it. “This looks great,” they told her, looking at the spread with an impressed expression. “You did a really good job.” 

A chime filled the room, and if Felix hadn’t been looking at Teagan, they might not have thought much of it. But the way she froze up, the way she stilled… There was something about it. And then she was excusing herself, walking backwards and — they heard her feet slamming against the ground as she ran. 

Felix was on their feet in an instant. Whatever was going on, it was clearly something dangerous. Why else would Teagan run like that? Shifting enough to allow them to move with all the quick silence of a prowling jaguar, the balam took off after the nymph, silently apologizing as they stalked behind her.

Leaving Felix to their devices felt awful, but there was a responsibility that the nix had taken. She was never one to falter or leave jobs half-done or completed poorly. Seeing her mission through was her only option, until her very last breath. She hoped that wouldn’t be the case, but nature and Fate didn’t deal in hope, didn’t feed on the prayers of the pawns it moved. Teagan’s journey was a dangerous one, she knew that going in, and she accepted it anyway because that time would be different. 

There was more to fight for, a red line to protect. It grew taut with each aching step she took as she hastily made her way through the trees, weaving through the familiar paths until she threaded herself into her destination. Teagan’s eyes widened with wonder and excitement, her focus completely on the hunter struggling to notice anything else, much less the low crunch of dirt behind her.

“Help!” She exclaimed, just as all the others did, not yet realizing what she was there to do. “There’s a trap. Be careful,” She wheezed, frantically trying to remove the small plate of spikes embedded in her thigh. Watching the scene made Teagan laugh, finding it humorous that the stranger had yet to catch on. Though…that was strange. Wardens normally noticed by then, and the woman wore everything a normal hunter would. Could she be a ranger? If she was, then she would still die, but if she was just a human? Teagan bristled at the thought, inching forward.

“What are ya doin’ out here, lass? Dangerous, even in the middle of the day.” Teagan quirked a brow.

“What?! Just help me! Just…” The woman froze, looking every direction and struggling with more ferocity. “Ma’am, you have to come toward me. Please. Get behind me. There’s a—no time! Just listen to me!”

Teagan’s brows knitted together and she looked behind her, seeing nothing. “What ya blabberin’ ‘bout? It’s only—” The sound of something whizzing past the nix interrupted her question, followed by the sound of cracking bark. Whatever she was aiming for, she missed, and Teagan quickly sprang into action by tackling the now confirmed hunter and punching her repeatedly to prevent any more arrows from being shot.

Where was Teagan going? She wasn’t the type to pause an interaction abruptly without good reason, Felix was confident of that. There was a clear sense of purpose to the way she moved, too; a determination that would have certainly been absent had the goal she was striving towards been anything less than important. Whatever she was doing, it mattered. They suspected it was dangerous, too; otherwise, why not invite Felix along? 

But Felix could handle dangerous. Teagan might not know that. They knew they didn’t give off the vibes of someone who could take care of themself. They didn’t like violence, even if most of their life had seen various people insisting that they partake in it. More than anything, Felix wanted a life of peace, a way to live without having to fight anyone. But they’d still fight to protect their friends, if they had to. They’d still help Teagan with whatever it was she was moving towards, with whatever that chime had meant.

She slowed, and Felix slowed, too. Their brow furrowed as they heard a voice. Not Teagan’s, not anyone’s familiar, but it was calling out for help. Was that what Teagan had come out here for? Was the alarm to tell her that there was someone in the vicinity who needed help? Felix took a step forward, craning their neck to see what was going on. There was… a woman. She looked like she was trapped in something, though Teagan’s body blocked most of the view. 

Shifting their ears, Felix listened in on the conversation, but their confusion only grew as they did so. Teagan wasn’t helping the woman; not right away, at least. And the woman was… warning her? About wh—

An arrow interrupted the balam’s thought process. It embedded itself in the tree next to their head, and they dropped to the ground in anticipation. But no more arrows were fired. Instead, there was the sound of knuckles hitting skin. It was enough to spur Felix forward, the scene laying itself out in front of them. The woman in the trap, with the crossbow full of silver bolts. Teagan, punching her. Blood on the ground that didn’t belong to the nix. 

For a moment, Felix was fourteen again. Their father’s claws were dripping red, a man hanging in his grip. These people, mijo, they want to hurt us, their father had insisted quietly. They do. So we hurt them first. What happened to your mother won’t happen to you, to your siblings. We’ll make sure of it. 

It made them sick then, the same way it made them sick now. Felix took another step forward, trying desperately to get between Teagan and the woman in the trap. “Teagan, stop! What — What are you doing?”

Felix’s voice was like an alarm bell, a tolling that called for all violence to cease. The meaty and squelching thumping instantly turned into silence, which was quickly replaced by panicked breathing. “I’m-I’m…” Teagan choked out, finally, trembling when she locked eyes with Felix. That’s when it clicked, why the woman had tried to protect the nix and why she had been quick to attack. The hunter was no warden, and she never would’ve been a slayer to begin with—it was daytime. She was a ranger, and she would’ve most certainly hurt Teagan’s friend had she not attacked.

Looking at her bloodied and bruised hands, the fae took a few moments to respond to Felix’s question, unsure and terrified. They had just become friends, relaxing and truly connecting the way they were supposed to. What would Felix think if Teagan told them what she’d done? Knots weaved and tightened impossibly in her stomach, and she stood up to back away. She didn’t dare lock eyes with her friend. The rejection Teagan expected to be there would prove too much for her to bear, and she was terrified of what that would do to what was left of her heart. There was no way she’d be accepted. If her family couldn’t, then how could someone with no ties to her leave their arms open? Losing Felix was inevitable, Teagan knew that. She just didn’t expect it to happen so quickly.

“I…I set up traps. After-after one hunter, it started with a few.” A pause, if only to prolong their friendship. “After the second, a few more. Then-then…” Breath hitched in Teagan’s chest, tears streaming warmly down her cheeks. “Then my tail. He took my tail, and I held back as much as I could! I did! I did!” She wiped her cheeks, smearing stinging blood on her face, but hardly caring. “These monsters just take and take and take! When does it end? When, Felix? Because everyday, every night, I see what they did in my nightmares. They took my family, and I watched them do it.” Teagan’s eyes reluctantly landed on Felix’s, desperation filling them, and acceptance trickling down. “Who’s going to stop them?” She croaked, falling to her knees, right next to the still breathing hunter. “Who’s going to stop another child from sitting in blood like me?”

Felix was fourteen the first time their father came home bloody, eyes wild and face alight. They remembered the panic that set in at the sight, remembered running up to him with their heart pounding. Their mother’s death had been so fresh then, so recent, and the idea of losing the only parent they’d had left had been terrifying. What happened, papi? They’d asked desperately, tracing their hands over his arms in search of injury. But there had been none to be found. The blood wasn’t his, he’d told them. There was someone outside. She’d stumbled onto the property, and Felix had never known if she was a hunter tracking them down or if she was just a human who’d gotten lost in the woods. Their father never specified, and they’d been too afraid to ask; they didn’t know, even now, whether or not their father had known the answer. 

She’d been the first. She hadn’t been the last.

It wasn’t a common thing. They were far off enough into the woods that people finding their property was rare. Sometimes, they went a year without anyone stumbling onto it. Other times, there would be several spread across just a few months. Every time, though, regardless of the frequency, the end result was the same. Someone came home covered in blood, with a body behind them. The ground outside that cabin in the woods went from a sanctuary to a graveyard, with the parts of the bodies that weren’t ‘put to use’ buried in the dirt in mass unmarked graves. Felix used to keep count of them. Some desperate attempt at retribution, they thought, some quiet way of pretending that they weren’t a part of it. But they lost track, after a while. There were so many bodies. There was so much blood. The ground was rotted with it.

They missed their family. There was no doubt about that. They ached with the absence of them, yearned to see their siblings again, wished they could ask their father for advice on how to get out of the mess they’d made for themself with the Pit. They missed them, so much that it hurt like a physical thing. 

But they didn’t miss the blood.

And here was more of it. A different forest floor, a different nearby cabin, but the blood smelled the same. The ranger in the trap was barely breathing, half-dead and very likely entirely unaware of the conversation happening around her. Felix couldn’t take their eyes off of her, couldn’t stop staring at the blood. Their throat felt tight, like they were fourteen again, like they were still in that cabin across from a father they both loved and feared trying desperately to remember how to breathe. “You can’t — It isn’t an excuse,” he choked out, eyes darting to Teagan’s. “I get it. I do. But you can’t… You can’t use your grief to — to justify more violence. Because where does that end, Teagan? Where does — It keeps going. Over and over and over again. You kill her, and — and her child comes to avenge it. And then — and then you kill them, or they kill you and someone avenges that, and it’s just — This isn’t preventing anything. This isn’t stopping anything. It just… prolongs it.” 

They moved forward carefully, hands trembling. They did something they’d never done with their father — they knelt down next to the broken body in the trap, and they pressed their fingers carefully against the side of her throat. There was a faint thump against their hand, and they closed their eyes for a moment with a sigh. “She’s alive,” they said quietly. “She’s still alive. Can I — I want to… To get her help. To take her to a hospital, to try to save her. That — Teagan, that’s how you stop it. You can’t end violence with more violence. You can’t stop death with more death. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what you went through, but you can’t keep using it as an excuse. You can’t. You’ll never move on if you do.” 

Their father certainly hadn’t, and Felix didn’t want that for their friend. They didn’t want her to be in a cabin in the woods someday with children who loved her just a little bit more than they feared her, didn’t want her to be the monster in her children’s closet the same way the hunters who had hurt her family were the monster in hers. Teagan’s experience was one of a child who lost everything and grew to avenge it, but Felix’s was one of a child who lost everything because of their father’s desperate vengeance. They knew what this sort of thing led to. They wanted better for her. “Help me. Please, help me get her to a doctor. It doesn’t have to be… this.” 

Teagan could tell memories were flooding Felix’s mind, a reel of horrors projecting and flickering painfully. Had they bore witness to the same, or something just as vile? Two sides of a coin, flipping endlessly and growing the nausea in their stomachs. But the source of their disgust was not the same. Felix made that clear when they found relief in the beating of the hunter’s heart. She supposed they didn’t understand, couldn’t, no matter how hard they tried. 

True, death would never cease if the nix continued to fight. Why was she supposed to move on, though? Why was it okay that the ranger attacked with no regard to the beautiful life she could’ve ended, had the bolt met its mark? “You don’t get it, then.” No one ever could. Teagan watched through a slit of the door as her family fought, one by one being taken out like common animals. Watched as Catrin crawled to the door of the closet her daughter had been thrown in for her safety. 

At ten years old, Teagan had witnessed what true evil was, how quickly everything could be torn away. At ten years old, she sat in the warm and sticky blood of her family until it grew cold and thick and dry against her skin. How was that fair? How was it right that Teagan let go of a monster so she could continue and possibly do the same to another family? “I can’t let you do that,” She shook her head vehemently, voice thick and riddled with pain.

“If she lives, then she will heal and hurt someone else. The cycle never ends because hunters will never stop. Who else is going to stop them? What if they hurt you? I won’t let them hurt you. I can’t! You don’t know what I’ve seen!” Teagan all but shrieked, begging Felix to turn around, to let their friend do what she must. There was no malice, no anger toward the Balam. There couldn’t be. “Felix,” Teagan began, crawling to them and hovering her hands over their cheeks so she wouldn’t stain his skin. 

“We can’t stop the violence, we can’t, I know that, but we can stop them. That’s what I’m trying to do. I don’t want the families they hunt to live through what I did. I don’t want families to be cut in half because of their traditions!” But Teagan saw no budging, Felix’s eyes were resolute in their decision on helping this monster. She sighed, scooting away and stumbling to her feet as she searched for a direction to run. Watching Felix defend that thing was hard enough, anything more would just be salt in the wound, burning worse than usual. “I won’t help. I won’t. But I…I won’t stop you.” She continued to back away, receding into the trees. “I won’t hurt you. I never want to do that. You’re my friend, okay? I just…I just can’t help. I can’t.”

“Teagan,” Felix murmured gently, “you’re not the only one who’s lost people.” Hadn’t everyone? Wasn’t that what this life was? Not just for supernatural beings like the two of them, but for the hunters, too. For the humans whose loved ones had disappeared in the woods near the Mendoza’s cabin, for the children whose parents never came home and the parents who turned off lights in empty bedrooms at the end of every day. Felix understood the ache of it. Their mother was shot like an animal in the woods, her body left to rot because someone was afraid. People did terrible things under the guise of fear and protection. The blood on the forest floor was proof enough of that. 

They tensed a little as Teagan approached, the same way they used to tense when their father got near. Her hands, like their father’s, wouldn’t hurt them. They knew that. Everything their father had done had been done in the name of protection, just like Teagan. But there was blood on those hands, anyway. And what did it matter what the intention was? What did it matter if it was done for protection or for vengeance? It didn’t change that terrible shade of red. 

“You don’t know that,” they insisted. “Maybe she lives and goes right back to hunting, but maybe she doesn’t. Maybe she grows. Maybe she becomes better than she was yesterday if she just — If she gets a chance to try. People will never change if you snuff them out before they can try to, but if you give them the chance, they — People are capable of being better. They can work towards it. They can try to be more than they were yesterday. They can. And everyone — everyone deserves a chance to do that. She does. You do. Everyone does. What she does next is on her, but what you do next? That’s on you.” 

They had to believe that. They had to. Because if people weren’t capable of change, what did it say about them? About the father they loved just a little more than they feared him, about the siblings who’d done what they were told no matter what shade of red it left their hands? Felix wanted the hunter to be capable of change, wanted Teagan to be capable of change, but there was something selfish to it, too. They wanted a second chance. For themself, for their family, for everyone. 

Teagan scooted away from them, and disappointment tasted acidic in their throat. She wasn’t going to help them. They’d figured that might be the end result. But… maybe it said something, still, that she wouldn’t stop them, either. Maybe it meant something for them both. “You’re my friend, too,” they said quietly. “This doesn’t change that. Not for me. But I need to get her help. I need to try to make sure she’s as okay as she can be.”

“O-okay.” She finally managed to whisper painfully.  It felt like betrayal, just for a moment, the way Felix fought back so hard. There was no changing their mind, but maybe, Teagan thought, their desperation said something more. The use of everyone wrote some much in a story that she hadn’t yet heard. There was no judgment, not really. Just hurt and disappointment. 

The balam had their own pain, and the nix had hers. Teagan could respect that, especially for a friend that wouldn’t become a ghost of the past. There would be no longing wishes left from a broken relationship. That was a relief, even as heartbreak set in motion with each respective decision. With each trembling step toward the darkness Teagan had led herself into, digging further still. 

“Don’t do anything foolish, okay? I’m sorry I ruined our day.” That’s what she did best though, wasn’t it? She did it constantly with her family, and she was doing the same with the new connections she’d made. Still, the pain lay thickly in Teagan’s chest every time. It wasn’t easy doing what she must, but the pain was deserved. She knew that. Because all broken shards are cut when one wasn’t careful while they picked up the pieces, and Teagan broke into several more as she made her exit. 

She agreed, and it felt like a weight off their back. It felt like an accomplishment. Felix had tried to argue with their father, so many times. They’d put their foot down only to have it forcibly removed, had been called so many terrible things and accused of such awful atrocities just for wanting to save a life. And for a moment, they’d been afraid Teagan would do the same. They’d been afraid that they couldn’t save her or the hunter or anyone at all. But Felix put their foot down and, for once in their life, it was respected. It was honored. It was a good feeling, even if there was still a tightness in his throat and a nausea tugging at his gut. 

“Nothing foolish,” they replied with a small smile. “And it’s not — It isn’t ruined. Just… rescheduled. Okay?” The friendship could survive this if they let it. It could. Felix could save someone, for once. Could save more than one person, maybe, if Teagan took their words to heart. (They wouldn’t hold their breath on that, though. Felix’s words had never counted for much. They’d always known that.) And tomorrow, maybe, they could try again. Tomorrow, the rain would wash the blood off the forest floor, and they could move forward. It was a pretty thought. 

They heard Teagan leave, swallowed their feelings in response. Carefully, they extracted the injured hunter from the trap and lifted her. They’d get her away from Teagan’s cabin before calling for an ambulance — less questions that way. 

Standing, Felix began a quiet trek out of the woods. Behind them, blood soaked into the dirt. 

They pretended their hands weren’t covered with it, too.

#closingwaters #teagan: hate to see your heartbreak #wickedswriting #parental death tw #sibling death tw

[dat-is-chill-ghafa]

lake & lucy being v gay on screen for all of 2 mins- me:

#love victor #love victor season 2 #love victor 2 #wlw #only way I accept lake and Felix breaking up #simonverse #lake meriwether

[onlyherefortheshowmances]

So I saw someone else get an anon message that said: “I hate to admit this, but I really can't shake the feeling that Benji loves Victor more than Victor loves Benji at this point.” I wanted to respond as well, because I think this is something people are probably seeing a lot and I really want to explain how I’m looking at it (from personal experience and just from looking at and examining the characters).

CW/TW: Mental Health, suicidal ideation/action mention, Addiction, Emotional Trauma, sex mention, Predatory relationship mention, catholicism, homophobia, misunderstandings, lack of communication, spoilers for love victor seasons 1 & 2 [let me know if I missed anything please]

I want to be frank in saying that Benji is my favorite character and I project onto him a lot (along with seeing a lot of myself in him). I’m also white AF, so I’m sure some of you think that’s relevant, but I really don’t think it is in this particular case. I do also however identify with Victor in a number of ways and I am trying to see the characters both as complex individuals with deep personal histories. Both have suffered traumas and both are clearly dealing with a lot of their own shit on top of being sixteen/seventeen and dealing with junior year of high school and all the pressures and expectations that brings for everyone.

I think what people are interpreting at loving someone more/less is actually about prioritizing someone/a relationship more/less. In my mind, from what I see on screen and interpret, they both love each other beyond words. They are both very much in love with one another. It comes down to how they display that to each other and to the public as well as where on their list of priorities this relationship falls.

Let’s start with Victor, struggles and life:

He is dealing with internalized homophobia and associated thought-patterns stemming from his upbringing in the Catholic church as well from the vocalized homophobic remarks from his mother (toward himself and Benji as well as likely at other points in his life toward strangers), his father (stating that he hopes Adrian doesn’t turn out ‘like that’; the scene in S1 where they’re at the church in Texas and he calls the hairdresser ‘flojito’; etc.), and his grandparents (on his birthday and likely at other points in his life). As a result of this, Victor tried to make himself straight (or at least interested in a girl) by dating Mia because he did like her as a person and everyone was telling him that’s what he was supposed to do. He ended up hurting her and almost losing her friendship (temporarily, he did, but she does seem to have forgiven him now).

He is dealing with outside homophobia as well. That kid on the very first day he was Creekwood responding to Benji helping him up. Felix’s comment that same day of ‘you don’t want to give people the wrong idea.’ The basketball team/gym class guys roasting him about not hooking up with Mia on the ferris wheel. Felix saying he’d be crazy to not like Mia. Lake asking ‘are you gay or something’ when he brought Felix along to Mia’s house, etc., etc. Some of these things may seem innocent enough, but they weren’t. Not to Victor who was already struggling to accept even the possibility that he might be gay. Once he managed to come out to his parents, obviously his father got better fairly quickly, but Isabel continued to struggle for six months which put even more pressure on Victor to try to lead this double life. Once he came out at school, the whole fiasco with the basketball team also occurred and that was a lot for him, because Basketball as always his safe-space. It’s where he went to get away from all the other pressure. It was something he didn’t have to think about and now suddenly, he did. Those pressure are also affecting his ability to think about what he may want and it seems affecting his ability to think (at all sometimes) about how any of that is also affecting Benji. It’s affecting him so much that he’s basically blind to how it’s also affecting Benji to see him suffer. He doesn’t even consider that possibility until Felix brings up how hard it is for him the night Felix breaks up with Lake and Venji get caught having sex.

Victor also has struggles away from just his coming out and accepting himself journey. He has the struggles associated with his parents separation. Until fairly recently, Victor always thought his parents had a perfect relationship. He saw that as the ideal. Get together in High School, get married right away, stay together for ever, happily ever after. That’s what he was raised to expect. And now he’s seeing their relationship fall apart before his eyes. Hell, his devoutly Catholic mother had an affair, and he’s wondering if it’s really possible for your first love to be your only love especially after he and Benji start butting heads, so he’s already vulnerable to that viewpoint when Rahim brings up the possibility. He gets so lost in what’s happening to his parents and what Rahim is saying about it not usually working out that he forgets how in love he is and he sort of loses his will to fight for what he wants, because maybe it’s just doomed to fail anyway (until he sees Benji at the wedding and it sort of hits again - and then Felix’s speech thereafter, obviously). He kind of loses his way by getting caught up in the statistic improbability of your first love being the one and watching his parents’ marriage potentially fall apart and he wonders for a moment if it might be easier, if it might be better to just walk away and go toward Rahim who he seem to get along with and seems to understand the things Benji doesn’t about him, but what he fails to examine in that moment is that he’s only barely scratched the surface with Rahim and that Rahim doesn’t know him like Benji does and that every relationship has it’s ups and downs and what it always comes down to is how willing both parties are to work to make things right. How much you’re willing to step into the other person’s shoes and try to understand. In my opinion, even if he were to walk away from Benji and go to Rahim, that bubble of understanding isn’t going to last forever either. He’s failing to remember that when he got together with Benji (and for most of the summer it seems) that’s exactly what it was like and failing to remember that they have grown beyond that into a deep soul-altering love for one another that deserves his time, energy, and effort and NEEDS those things to keep it going.

Now let’s talk about Victor’s priorities in life:

Victor has always been close with his family, especially his mother. The strain on that relationship is very taxing on his mental well-being. He has a hard time ‘standing up to’ her or talking back to her, etc. because he loves her and he just wants their easy, close relationship back. He already overcame his own anger at her affair to get her back, but now she’s the one pulling away because of his sexuality and it’s hurting him because if he was able to forgive her for something that was actually wrong, why can’t she forgive him for something that he has no control over. So he loves his mother and his family and he hates disappointing them. He has spent most of his life fixing his family’s issues (as he explains to Simon in S1), but now he is the issue and he doesn’t know how to handle it. When in 2x1 he decides to just bring Benji over and try exposure therapy with his mom, it backfires in a big way. Even though they barely touch each other. Even though Benji just says the word boyfriend once, it’s too much for Isabel and Victor desperately wants to please. He desperately wants to not lose his mother (who has always been the person he is closest to), so that causes him to take a step back from going against her and the steps he still takes (telling her he wants her to call Benji his boyfriend not just his friend, the whole conversation outside the church, the conversation with Adrian, etc.) are things that Benji doesn’t get to see happening and it frustrated Victor that Benji won’t even listen to him when he tries to say that his mom is making progress at all, because she is so important to him and yet it seems like Benji just doesn’t even recognize or care about that. This leads him to say the thing he does at Brasstown before Benji runs out, because he assumes that it has to do with Benji being white and of course, that is part of it, but I think Victor in that moment is so overwhelmed by the rejection of his mother and now the refusal of his boyfriend to even try to understand that he snaps. He forgets all the struggles Benji has told him from his own past and he just lashes out which causes Benji to leave [more on Benji’s viewpoint of this whole thing later].

Victor also loves basketball. It’s true that in some case LGBTQIA+ individual participate in certain activities to make them seem more ‘normal’. Gay men participating in sports to seem more macho is a common one, so Benji thinking that’s why Victor plays basketball makes sense to an extend, but he never bothers to ask Victor about, only makes assumptions, and Victor feels like the fact that he actually likes sports makes him ‘not gay enough’ (see conversation with Andrew). What he’s forgetting entirely is his encounter with Bram and the gay basketball league in NYC from episode 1x8. There are many ways to be gay, and sports gays do exist and are perfectly valid. That’s not the type of gay Benji or his friends/bandmates are, but it is the type that Victor is and Benji failing to recognize that and failing to understand or even ask Victor about that drives one of many wrenches into their relationship. In episode 1x5 when Benji shows up to Victor’s first game back on the team and does the Go Grizzlies dance with the other basketball girlfriends, it definitely does a lot of help Victor realize this was just a miscommunication/misunderstanding rather than anything malicious. Basketball and his teammates continue to be a priority for him after this, but that seems to be something Benji is now capable of understanding.

Finally, Victor loves Benji. He wants to be with Benji; there is zero doubt about that. However, for Victor when he’s put on the spot (as in episode 2x8) and basically told he has to choose his mom (who has raised him and been his closest confidant and biggest supporter for his entire life) or his boyfriend (who he’s known for almost a year and been dating for six months and is helplessly in love with) it processes as an error message in his brain. He just wants everyone to get along. He’s not mad that Adrian knows that he’s gay (he’s wanted him to know for months), but he is upset that his mom is now even angrier. [see my section about Benji in this moment, for more about Isabel’s reactions as well] In his mind, telling Adrian could wait. In his mind, he was willing to go along with his mom’s requests for a while longer just to keep the peace so to speak. He didn’t want his whole life to fall apart and that’s what he thought was about to happen in that moment. That’s why he asked Benji to leave. He didn’t want to make his mom any angrier. Could he have chosen his words better? Yes. Could he have made Benji understand better? Yes. But he’s sixteen and his brain wasn’t functioning at full capacity because post-sex brain is definitely a thing and he was also looking at his mom who has already been horrible and barely able to look at him for six months, looking even angrier after he finally thought they’d made some progress after church the previous week.

So in conclusion, regarding Victor:

He loves his family (especially his mom). He loves Benji. He loves Basketball. Obviously, he’s not going to prioritize basketball over either of the human beings involved, but I think it’s important to at least note it’s importance in his life. As for Isabel vs. Benji. To Victor, these are the two most important people in his life. All he wants is to be able to love both of them and have both of them love him in return. When they are pit against each other, especially directly, it’s hard for him to make a choice. It’s hard for him to say ‘no’ to his mom and it’s hard for him to say ‘no’ to Benji, but in the moment (episode 2x8 specifically), he takes Isabel’s side, because he knows the ramifications of saying no to her and of making her even more angry that she already is are far worse than the ones for asking Benji to leave for the night. He failed to realize however, how close Benji already was to the edge and how upset he was going to be and how little he understood (or was willing to try to understand) about the situation. This is something he really needs to communicate with Benji (even though it’s not quite as important now that Isabel’s apparently come around). I think it’s important for Benji to understand that Victor values his relationship with his mother enough that it’s difficult for him to go against her without a lot of preparation and having a fully fledged reason, etc.

Now for Benji - Struggles and Life:

The obvious of course is that Benji is a sixteen/seventeen year old that’s barely a year sober and attending AA meetings regularly. Recovering from Alcoholism is difficult at any age let alone for a teenager. One of the most important factors in recovery is looking at the things that led you to drink in the first place. Looking at things that may be considered triggers and either learning to avoid those people/situations or learning healthy alternatives in those situations. I have multiple family members who are both actively drinking alcoholics as well as those in recovery. I also lost my best friend/ex-fiancé to alcoholism a few years ago, so to say I have some personal experience in this arena is putting it lightly. Benji admits to Victor in 1x7 that he used to drink a lot because he knew he was gay, but didn’t want to be. To me that whole story screamed, I’m an alcoholic and while a lot of others agreed with that opinion. I was not shocked that Victor didn’t understand that underlying truth. Those that don’t have intimate familiarity with alcoholism often do not recognize the signs (either as they happen when when they are not directly told). It is made clear in episodes 2x7 & 2x8 that Benji hates this part of himself, in fact he says as much to Victor when he arrives at his apartment late the night of his birthday. Benji has still not fully accepted that the alcoholic part of himself that attends AA meetings and drinks orange juice while his friends are drinking vodka is one and the same with the part of himself that loves Victor with all his heart. This is something I’d really like to see him reconcile and work on in season 3 and beyond. Understand that you can’t compartmentalize yourself. You are but one whole person and all facets of yourself are in fact part of the singular you. [Not accounting for those with dissociative identity disorder.] It’s not directly mentioned if he’s still struggling with urges to drink, but most if not all alcoholics do, especially when experiencing those aforementioned triggers. Seeing Benji meeting with his sponsor after the incident with Isabel/Victor is not shocking to me and if anything, that was the healthy and correct response on his part. The reason he was drinking in the first place was that he was gay and didn’t want to be (internalized and probably external homophobia) and he just experience some really intense homophobia at the hands of his boyfriend’s mom (and partially said boyfriend himself). Benji’s lack of understanding of where Isabel was coming from in episode 1x8 speaks volumes to just how traumatize Benji still is about his own experiences with homophobia. The only thing he can think about in that moment is that this woman hates me for being gay. She hates her son for being gay. Being gay isn’t okay, etc. What he doesn’t factor in is that Isabel is also devoutly Catholic. I honestly don’t think it’s the gay part of the sex that horrified her the most. The Catholic faith is also very clear on the practice of abstinence from sex (at all) prior to marriage. She would’ve responded the same way had she walked in on Victor having sex with a girl, in my opinion, but in the moment Benji’s own trauma is overriding his ability to understand that because all he can see is the homophobia. This is especially true after she calls him Victor’s friend rather than his boyfriend and that in my opinion, is why he snaps. Could he have phrased it better? Yes. Could he have said it without shouting? Yes. But he is a freshly seventeen-year-old whose brain is not functioning on all cylinders in that moment.

Sort of coupled with his alcoholism and recovery therefrom is the allusion his mother makes to ‘dark times’ following his accident. I do have suspicions that perhaps he was also struggling with mental illness, and likely continues to. Depression to the point of suicidal ideation or actions (possibly only in the form of drinking, but possibly in other forms as well). Anxiety is pretty obvious from his actions and reactions throughout the series as well. I also think he is dealing with some sort of trauma-based disorder stemming from the homophobia he experienced (especially the instance of his father taking him to strip-club). It may go as far as C-PTSD (which I myself am diagnosed with) or it maybe something less (or even more). I’m not in the habit of sticking mental health diagnoses of people (fictional or otherwise though). Dealing with these things on top of what in his eyes feels like rejection from not only Isabel, but in a way from Victor as well likely causes some very unpleasant thought patterns and the potential for thought spirals and the likely. I also see indications that he could suffer from co-dependency (whish I also have dealt with in the past), but I’m honestly not sure if that’s me projecting or if it’s actually there.

Then on top of all of that, his boyfriend who he loves more than anything in the world, tells his deepest darkest secret to someone he’s literally never met or spoken to and that said boyfriend has only known for maybe a week at best and thinks it’s no big deal. In that moment, I can 110% see why Benji requests to take a break and I feel that choice is 110% the right one to make. What is a relationship built on if not trust? Victor just destroyed most if not all of the trust Benji had in him. That doesn’t mean he stopped loving him, just that he doesn’t trust him. Love isn’t something you can turn off and on like a light switch especially not the kind these two share. I definitely think Victor has a lot of explaining to do and a lot of apologies to make. I do also think they both need to have a really long, really honest and open conversation. Benji needs to be willing to get a little vulnerable and explain why certain things are causing him so much distress, but he also needs to be willing to listen to Victor explain why he can’t simply go against his mother as Benji seems to think he should. They both really demonstrated a degree of selfishness this season along with an lack of communication and a lack of willingness to understand or even try to understand each other’s points of view and that is a recipe for disaster in any relationship.

There also exists the issue of Benji’s parents. His mother especially seems to overstep quite frequently and insert herself into his life where she was not invited or expected. I do wonder if this was always her personality or if this is something that started after Benji’s accident. I have a hunch it was likely the latter. I see indications that perhaps there was some neglect or just general indifference on his parents part as he was growing up. They clearly missed that he had started drinking heavily and that he stole his dad’s car that night. He was also evidently dating Derek for quite a while before the accident. (Derek is another section by himself though.) This not to mention the fact that his father took him to a strip club and paid for a lap dance when he was no more than sixteen if he was even that old, in an effort to turn him straight. Benji tells Victor in episode 1x7 that he and his dad used to be close and that they used to go to Dollywood on road trips and other such things, but that he’s been distant since he came out. We see from the scene where he walks in on Benji and Victor making out that he’s not vocally/outwardly homophobic, but I would not doubt that he still harbors some of those viewpoints in himself. It’s evident to me that Benji is not close to his parents (he may once have been, but at this point it’s pretty clear that he’s not anymore). Benji doesn’t have siblings to the best of our knowledge. It’s also mentioned that his nana (like a paternal grandmother) is deceased, so it’s really not clear how much contact he even has with his extended family or how much of one exists. For these reasons, in his mind, there is no circumstance where his family (especially not his parents) would take precedence of his own happiness or Victor’s. That is why it confuses/hurts/angers him that Victor doesn’t stand up to Isabel, because if the roles were reversed, he would have no problem at all telling his own mother (or father) off. He doesn’t seem to comprehend Victor’s need to keep his relationship with his mother intact. I’m very glad Isabel pointed out to him that Victor has stood up to her and risked their relationship for him, but the disconnect still lies in that Benji isn’t a fan of the fact that he didn't’ do that in his presence and that he didn’t do more.

Then there’s Derek. Derek is at least a sophomore in college in season 2 as he was clearly in college in season 1 as well. Meaning he is at least 19/20 when Benji is 16/17. They had been together for a year the previous spring (episode 1x6) which means they started dating when Benji was 15 and Derek was no younger than 18 (I think he is like at least a year older than the youngest possibility). Georgia’s age of consent is 16, and there are no ‘Romeo and Juliet’ laws in place in the state meaning it is categorically illegal for anyone 18 years of age or older to engage in sexual acts with anyone 15 years of age or younger unless they are legally wed, meaning until Benji’s 16th birthday, this relationship was illegal in general not to mention the predatory nature of someone in college dating a high school sophomore to begin with. They generally don’t prosecute if the people involved are within 4 years of each other though (which coincides with ‘Romeo and Juliet’ laws in other states) which they could’ve been within depending on Derek’s actual age and birthday. It doesn’t seem like charges were filed either way which is questionable on Benji’s parents part. Benji also tells Victor in 1x10 that Derek made him feel bad a lot of the time about the things he like and about being a romantic, we also see Derek crap all over Benji’s special anniversary date in 1x6. The toxicity of that relationship is sure to have left it’s mark on Benji and carried over into his new relationship with Victor. I also find it questionable that knowing that, Benji was shitting all over Victor’s love for basketball at one point (isn’t that exactly what he complained about Derek doing to him about his interests?), though as you see in my earlier comments, I do understand that perhaps Benji wasn't’ fully aware that Victor actually liked basketball and wasn’t just doing it to seem straight/make his dad happy/etc. I also think it’s quite confusing that Victor managed to come up with that date idea for Benji in 1x6 and then the best he could do for Benji’s birthday was champagne and sex? I’d be more than marginally hurt over that if I was Benji, to be completely fair. It is also worth it to note that Benji stayed with Derek for over a year despite all of their problems (which goes back to the possibility of co-dependency issues) and yet he was willing to break up with him just to chase after the possibility of Victor. They had already connected on so many levels even prior to that night that even the possibility of that relationship made Benji willing to leave someone he’d been with for more than a year (obviously Victor’s little speech in the hallway played a part in that).

Benji’s Priorities:

In Benji’s world, he has a few things that could be considered priorities.

Maintaining his sobriety is obviously one, but he keeps that separate from everything else. I don’t see it being held above or below anyone or anything. It’s just a completely separate thing to him (which again I feel he needs to reconcile). He was able to do that while also appeasing his friends and Victor (see episode 2x4 where he switches out his cups).

His music/band is obviously a priority, but again that’s something basic that everyone knows about and accepts. He doesn’t have choose between that and anything or anyone else that we’re shown.

Victor is his primary priority however. To him, that is the most important relationship/person in his life. He doesn’t know what he’d do without him. He says he loves that part of his life which I take to mean, he loves who he is when they’re together and not so much when they’re apart. To him, there is no question of who he would choose if there was a choice in front of him between Victor and literally anyone else (including his parents). That is why it confuses/hurts/angers him when the choice isn’t so simple for Victor when he actually has to make one between Benji and Isabel. Benji isn’t close with his parents and he doesn’t seem to understand what it is like for someone that is. Even if his parents didn’t come around right away. Even if they still may not be fully on board with everything, it didn't’ matter that much to him, because he could stand up to them because he didn’t care about destroying a relationship, because there already wasn’t much of one to begin with. This leads to him not understanding that Victor is seriously conflicted in the moments where he is made to choose between his boyfriend and his mother, because to Benji that choice is crystal clear. Again, they could really do with an honest conversation about this where Benji actually listens and tries to understand where Victor’s coming from, because right now, I think he just doesn’t quite get it. It’s clear that Isabel’s speech at Brasstown helped him to understand or at least start to, and obviously now that Isabel isn’t so much of an obstacle everything becomes a little easier, but it is still something that I really feel they need to discuss and understand about each other.

In conclusion:

Both of these boys need therapy (individual, family, and couples), and they would really benefit from a lot more open and honest communication where they both are able to speak honestly about their needs and desires as well as both being able to listen to and understand (or try to at least) one another.

#long post #this is so fucking long #text wall #i'm sorry #venji #love victor #victor salazar #benji campbell #mental health #addicition #alcohol #alcoholism #trauma #emotional trauma #homophobia #age of consent #predatory relationships #catholicism #family relationships #neglectful parents #let me know if you want me to tag anything else in this please #suicide

[mychemicalrachel]

So I finished season 2 of Love Victor a few days ago but I needed time to process because that was a lot and part of processing is reviewing/reflecting, which I’m gonna post here. Everything under the cut because I ramble.

(also, it’s anti Victor/Rahim. Venji is endgame and you can pry that from my cold dead hands. Skip this if that’s not for you. I’m not posting this to start drama. Just my opinions.)

To start off, I liked this season. I’m gonna trash it a little, but it’s done with love. There were a lot of things I wanted to see after season 1 and, surprisingly, I got a lot of those things! Such as…

I wanted more Felix and Pilar. Which we got. I did not want it like this. I’m not opposed to them together, I like them, but I wanted Felix and Lake to stay together. HOWEVER, I’m kinda glad they broke up because y’all it’s paving the way for bi Lake (another thing I really wanted) and I cannot wait to see her and Lucy together.

Kind of following along with that, I really wanted them to give Pilar more friends this season. And they did that with Rahim. And then they took Rahim away and gave him to Victor instead. Guys, this is killing me. I want to see Pilar with actual friends, give her more of a social life I am begging you.

JACK. I knew, I just KNEW, that we were going to get a Spier cameo this season and I honestly kind of expected it to be Emily, maybe Nora, but I am so happy it was Jack. He’s grown so much since Love Simon.

I wanted to see Mia portrayed as her own person and not a villain. She was justified in her anger and betrayal because Victor hurt her. They handled it really well I think. She’s such a good friend. I’m also glad we got more of her and Veronica bonding. I can’t wait to see Mia with the baby, that’s gonna be so cute.

I wanted more Andrew and this season did not disappoint. He was like the cool uncle that everyone went to for advice. 

Now, with all of that said, I did get a lot of things I wanted from this season. I also got things I did not want. I was actually really excited when they introduced Rahim and kind of went full circle by having him go to Victor for advice. I was like, hell yeah! Gays who can be friends without being all over each other! And then they started this love triangle thing and I kind of hated it. I liked Victor and Rahim as friends, I want more of that because I think Victor (and Rahim, too, to be honest) could use more queer friends. Just friends. They built up this entire relationship between Benji and Victor in season 1 and spent a lot of this season confirming that yeah Benji and Victor are in love even though they have some tough times, and now I’m just supposed to accept that Victor has started having feelings for someone else? No thank you, please stop.

And that leads me to things I want to see in season 3!

Victor chose Benji obviously. You cannot convince me otherwise. Someone he started having feelings for when he was going through a mentally distressing time in his life fails in comparison to the guy he spent an entire season falling in love with.

Now I’m not discounting Victor’s feelings. I’m sure he felt something for Rahim, but we need to acknowledge that Victor was in the middle of a stressful time. He had only recently come out, he was dealing with his mom not accepting him or his boyfriend, he quit the basketball team, he was struggling with his place in his and Benji’s relationship and then Benji wanted to “take a break”. He can’t be blamed for latching onto someone who wholly accepted him and made him feel normal.

Also, it’s fairly common to play into the trope of “this character is new to being gay, he can’t just be with one person so we have to add another love interest and make sure what he’s feeling for person A is real.”

That said! Benji will probably feel insecure now! And that’s okay! Let’s explore that! Let’s allow Benji to be the one who's insecure in this relationship for once instead of always having Victor be the one to doubt everything! They don’t have to break up to take a step back and slow things down!

As such, I really want to go back to the Victor/Benji roots. Make them friends again. I want stupid cute moments like them dancing to Call Me Maybe and trying on thrift store clothes. We spent so much of this season making Victor and Benji boyfriends that we kind of skipped over the whole friends aspect. There’s a reason they fell in love in the first place and we need to revisit that. A relationship is not just sex and miscommunication. It’s laughing together, it’s enjoying each other's company, and I didn’t see nearly enough of that between Victor and Benji this season.

They were not at all subtle with the parallels between Felix and Victor this season; Felix having to choose between Lake and Pilar while Victor has to choose between Rahim and Benji. I mean, I don’t think it was supposed to be subtle. It couldn’t have been more obvious. And at first I was worried that Felix chose Pilar because of the parallels and that must mean Victor was going to choose Rahim. But the longer I look at it, the more differences I notice in their parallels and I don’t have the eloquence to unpack it all right now, but it all just made me more assured that Victor is going to choose Benji.

Moving away from Victor/Benji, there’s something that keeps bothering me; it’s when Felix and Lake had sex at the lake. Cute romantic moment, yeah sure, I probably wouldn’t have thought much of it, except it made a deal out of Felix buying condoms beforehand. He was prepared. That’s good. Only, when they went out to jump into the lake, they only had towels. Which means that there is a very good chance they didn’t use protection. That, coupled with Georgina’s comment about watching Teen Mom...I foresee a pregnancy scare in the coming season. Whether it’s an actual pregnancy and we get a whole pregnancy storyline (possibly an abortion, maybe a miscarriage. I don’t really see it going full term for whatever reason) or if it’s just an episode where Lake thinks she might be pregnant.

I’m pretty excited to see how they handle this newfound romance between Lucy and Lake. Does Lake already know she’s bi? Does Lucy? Lake made a comment at the beginning of this season about making sure everyone knew Mia didn’t turn Victor gay, which makes me wonder how Lake will react to discovering she also likes girls. No, I’m not saying she’ll think Felix turned her into a lesbian. But I think she’ll doubt her feelings for Lucy. She’ll think (however briefly) that maybe she was just hurt and maybe she doesn’t actually like Lucy, she’s just coping with having her heart broken by a boy.

But I want all of her doubt to end when she accepts that she’s totally bisexual.

Now that we got our bi character, I’m gonna start demanding an ace character, too.

I want Mia’s mom to be awesome. Her dad kind of sucks and she deserves at least one good parent.

HOWEVER, if her mom also sucks, I think it could bring her and Veronica closer.

Speaking of parents, I want to explore Lake’s relationship with her mom more. She always tells Felix about how she was pressured to be skinny, and that right there is a terrible basis for a mother/daughter relationship. But she also felt comfortable enough to tell her about Felix’s mom and ask for help. So yeah, I definitely want more of them. I need Lake to stand up to her mom, though. I need her to be like, “you made me insecure in my body and I have self esteem issues because you made me think I wasn’t good enough” and I want to expand on that. Maybe Georgina had a good reason (in her mind, anyway) to treat Lake like that, and while it may have been a horrible thing to do, I don’t think she saw it that way. I’m not saying she should win a mother of the year award, but what she did to Lake needs to be acknowledged and talked about.

And then there’s Felix’s mom. I want to see her recovery. It’s a process and I don’t want her to magically be okay now. I also want her to meet Pilar (and Victor. Has Victor ever met her?) but also she really liked Lake and I want them to keep in touch, even though Lake and Felix aren’t together anymore. I still want them to be friends. 

AND I HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED TALKING ABOUT ISABEL AND ARMANDO. I’m glad they found their way back to each other, but again; it’s a process. I think they should stay apart for a little bit and not just jump back in where they left off. They still have problems to sort through, but this is a start. They’ve realized they want to be together.

#love victor #love victor 2 #venji #i don't want to tag this as anti Rahim #because i like rahim #just not in a romantic relationship with victor #so anti vahim i guess #is that what people are calling it? #idk but also idc #love victor spoilers #i think that's all my thoughts for now #all of them that i can process anyway

[writseo]

Driver’s License | Felix Weston

Song: Driver’s License by Olivia Rodrigo 

Word Count: 1k 

Warnings: Car Accident, Break-up, Toxic and Neglecting Relationship

(A/N: I didn’t fully check it like my usual routine so if there’s any mistakes, I would hella appreciate it if you told me :D also, my sister listens to the song on repeat so I didn’t even need to really search it up like usual lmfao) 

The door slammed as you quickly walked away from his apartment door. Tears ran down your face as you used all your strength to get yourself to your car without breaking down. The memories of the past flooded your mind as you tried to start the engine. 

And you’re probably with that blonde girl, who always made me doubt 

She's so much older than me

She's everything I'm insecure about

Before that night, you noticed the way Felix hovered over Lake as if he was a fly going towards a fly trap. His eyes always diverted to hers when you were huddled together as a friend group, conversations were always held by the two of them instead of with you, and the distance between you two became more noticeable by each day. It had been going on for at least a month, though you never wanted to go into it. A part of you had hoped that you were making it up in your head. Up until you went out together with your friends and the way he insisted on paying for Lake’s food earlier in the evening had never left your mind. 

“Felix, can we please talk?” 

His cheery voice came in, pretending like everything was okay, “What’s up?” 

The smile you fell for creeped into his face, only more faltered than it used to be. 

“Do you really, fully love me?”

His eyebrows furrowed as you looked down to your fidgeting hands. Though it didn’t take him long to realize what it was about. Silence had filled the room before you heard him stammer. By then, you realized his answer. You walked to the door, not sure whether you were angry at him or at yourself. 

Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs

'Cause how could I ever love someone else?

You were hoping that maybe, just maybe the drive could help you clear your mind or better yet, make you forget what had just happened. Even if it was impossible.. You didn’t even realize that you had circled the building at least 3 times until you noticed how the red lights looked so familiar. Felix had treated you so wonderfully before everything. He would take you out for dinner, make you breakfast, cook for you and constantly make sure you were safe. How did something so beautiful turn and twist so painfully? 

And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one

The next few days were spent overthinking every single little detail in your relationship. Everything felt so real, so vivid. As if nothing was going to stop you two from a high that was spent together. Something in you just couldn’t accept the fact that it was over. Victor and his sister, Pilar, would end up making little stops to be with you, just to make sure that you were okay and well. 

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

'Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street

When you went back to school, you made your own table and sat with your other friends. Or at least students that weren’t part of Felix’s life. And when you looked at him from the other table, he barely seemed different, the same overall. His smile barely faltered, only when he looked towards you and your state. You weren’t doing well with your appearance but that didn’t matter to you. All that was important was keeping yourself under control. Yet he talked to everyone so easily, he spoke and held conversations as if he didn’t lose a big important part of his life. No one would have noticed that he’d gone through a breakup if they hadn’t known you personally either. Or if he hadn’t hinted it off to Lake earlier. Nonetheless, Pilar would come over to sit with you instead, eventually trying to nudge Victor to do the same.  You weren’t the only one who was pissed at the boy by the end of the day. 

Red lights

Stop signs 

 Even though you had went through the biggest breakup, accompanied with endless dick moves on his part, you couldn’t stop wanting him. 

I still see your face

In the white cars.

Front yards  

 Every time you went back to your car, you just felt pain and familiarity from that night. The one night that you wished would just go away. Every time you drove, you saw him. You saw his face in the pedestrians walking by, thought some drivers were him, and even saw his eyes in the sky. 

 Can't drive past the places

We used to

Go to

Passing by the benches in your school, you saw the memories flash by in your head. The way he’d walk to you so confidently, head held up high as he would give you a random flower with a random fact he pulled from a google search before bed. Or the trees he would hold you up to so you can get up when you were trying to climb, only to get yelled down by the administrators. 

Tears came down your cheeks once again, at least until you began to hear honks surround you as you pulled your head back. 

Before you knew it, a red lit stoplight was right in front of you, coming closer and closer. Before your bumper could hit the steel pole, you swerved to the right. A big bump shook you as your tires slid over the sidewalk, retracting your car back into the road. Scared, overwhelmed, you sped to the nearest parking space and pulled over. 

'Cause I still fucking love you, babe

You ran out the door, terrified as you couldn’t breathe anymore. Every grounding technique that Mia would give you, would all be thrown out the window. You paced around, looking for anything to get your hands on, any activity to make you feel relaxed. At least until you looked to your car, your eyes holding onto a small space below your window. 

“(Initials) + F.W”

------------------------------------ Tag list -----------------------------------------

@hufflepuffprincesse​

#love victor #felix weston #felix weston x reader #felix weston x reader song drabble #song drabble #felix weston angst #driver's license #felix weston song drabble #olivia rodrigo

[randomsmilingpotatoes]

alright here i am with my love victor opinions no-one asked for

- i was gonna originally do episode by episode commentaries but i'd seen a few spoilers and was scared i'd say something good about a bad character or something so didn't end up doing it asfgcjhvfkhj

- rahim is great but making him a love interest for victor was NOT it. a love triangle was not needed at all and it would've been really nice to have two gay guys be platonic friends with nothing more. also why did victor need a date to the wedding when felix and lake were broken up anyway??

- to extend from that, i don't hate benji as much as i expected to from people's posts and i think it's mostly bc both he and victor are?? flawed people?? who i actually think should end up together but they either need to work on communication OR take a break and work on themselves without bringing in other love interests into the equation

- furthermore, victor obviously wants to be with benji but i think the best thing for him rn would be to be single while he and his family go through the process of his coming out and their acceptance. he doesn't need to handle a relationship rn but he could do with a friend who understands what he's going through, aka rahim

- benji also clearly is too accustomed to being accepted and they touched on that a little especially in that he has white liberal parents but it wasn't talked about enough. they didn't really have him acknowledge the difference himself but also they didn't acknowledge that he has simply been out longer, and that not everyone wants to re-closet themselves. hence why maybe it's not the right time for either of them to date rn

- i found myself relating to a LOT to what victor was going through, not in terms of culture/ethnicity or religion specifically but the dealing with a homophobic mother and a partner who isn't experiencing it the same way, and just with a variety of things he dealt with throughout this season. however, and i found this in the first season, i just don't connect with his acting the way i do with every other character. idk why

- i really wanted felix x pilar to happen in season 1 and even at the start of s2 but after watching this season i wish it didn't honestly. i get why felix can't be with lake rn of course, and i also like that it emphasises how much of a risk she took in the decision she made. however, they reduced pilar's AWESOME character to be literally just a girl with a crush in this season and while there's nothing wrong with that, i found it really disappointing and also kinda doesn't work with the storyline. had felix been with pilar instead what would she have done?? and would she really have been there the way lake was, or at least different to lake? i don't know. i feel like it would have made more sense for felix and lake to break up properly in the finale and for felix x pilar to happen more as a slowburn in season 3. that being said they clearly just put them together to please fans and i'm worried they'll continue doing this

anyway i'm excited for bi lake with andrew's ex (lucy?)!! i wish we had more scenes of them pre-finale but i can't wait for more!!!!!!

- speaking of, i like how they made andrew this season with everything and i'm glad to see him and mia finally together. but i hope he doesn't just become ~the boyfriend~ with no other character to him. i also am so angry at mia's dad for taking that job and feel so bad for mia bc she's been through a LOT this season like damn:/ that being said i feel like everything about mia is what she's dealing with and not so much who she is?? so would be nice to see more of her as herself in season 3

- they don't show victor playing basketball enough. but i REALLY like how they talked about stereotypical 'gay' hobbies and how sports isn't one of them, and sort of touched on what MAKES a gay person, really. i just wish it wasn't "you're the best player on the team, of course they'll accept you" in every show that does this bc like?? why do you have to be the best player on the team to be accepted lmao

- i loved the PFLAG thing and it was great to see ormando being a supportive father!!! so refreshing and great to see and also to contrast the differences in how parents react. it was also great to see simon's dad running it and being super involved long after his son had moved out

- i did hope bram would at least be in the background of the simon scene but i guess we can't have everything

- the mum walking in on victor x benji fucking THE WAY I LITERALLY SCREAMED and then i couldnt even watch the next episode bc i had to go to work LMAO like THE CLIFFHANGER. benji was 100000% in the wrong there, it is NOT homophobic for a parent to be traumatised walking in on their child having sex lol and especially when adrian was home??? it could've been him that walked in sooo

- did my memory fail or was adrian kinda 'feminine' last season ??like he liked frozen and stuff and the grandparents made a comment about it?? what happened to that he literally wasn't anything like that this season it was kinda sad

- also why on earth were victor and benji kissing at work sorry but no matter what sexuality you are and how comfortable you are with PDA that is just?? weird?? like sorry but as a customer i would feel so uncomfortable like am i intruding lmao. a kiss hello and goodbye when you're starting and finishing is fine and cute but in between serving customers and making coffees and shit is so unnecessary lol

- where was victor and felix's friendship this season?? like he stayed in his house after a traumatic life event and they didn't talk about it?? they only talked when they were going through love triangles like thats it??

i saved this as a draft the other day and forgot what else i was gonna add so i'll end here lol!!

#the way no-one is gonna read this but i felt like i couldn't post it in multiple posts lmao #love victor #love victor season 2 #love victor spoilers

[fantastic-bby]

Nova

Pairing: (F)Reader x Hyunjin

Word count: 3k

Genre: Angst || Fluff || Fallen angel!Hyunjin

Summary: When you’re assigned a human, you never expected to fall as hard as you did. Out of self benefit, you ask your deities to make him an angel when he’s taken before his time. The only problem is that humans who turn into angels are given stricter rules than pure blooded angels. 

Warnings: Demons || Mentions of death 

Masterlist || Chan - Maive || Minho - Kira || Changbin - Skye || Jisung - Blair || Felix - Lia || Seungmin - Raisha || Jeongin - Avia

“Are you stupid or are you stupid?” You cross your arms over your chest as you glare at Felix. “God, the whole deity council is going to kill you!” You smack the upside of his head which he responds with a scowl. “I told you to be careful around Lia! Now you’ve gone and revealed yourself to her!”  

“It’s not just like that! She’s agreeing to become an angel. That means that I can bring her up here when I tell the council.” He’s so hopeful. You let out a sigh as you pinch your nose bridge with your thumb and index finger.

“They don’t just accept anyone anymore. Not after Hyunjin.” The mention of a former guardian makes Felix whip his head to look at you. 

“Do you… still talk to him?” He knows it’s a sensitive topic for you; having your lover turned into a fallen is nothing a guardian enjoys, but Felix is genuinely curious. 

“Sometimes it feels like just talking to him might get me thrown out as well,” you sigh. He purses his lips into a straight line. “I just wish he had been more careful with what he was doing. He didn’t even mean to lose his human.”

“Guardians can’t completely guarantee a human’s protection, we can only guide them through their lives.” Felix tries his best to reassure you, but the ache in your heart for Hyunjin still remains after all the years that have passed.

“I know that—Hyunjin knew that. He just… he just missed one too many details.” You would’ve cut off ties with Hyunjin by now if you didn’t agree with the council’s decision to kick him out at least a small bit. Every night, you find yourself on Earth, perched on the top of a tower while you watch the moon slowly move through the sky. 

“Here again?” The familiar voice makes you turn around to see Hyunjin approaching you with a small smile on his face. Your own lips curl into a smile you can’t hold back when you see your lover sitting beside you, his legs hanging off of the edge of the building. 

“I miss seeing you everyday,” you confess as you lean your head against his shoulder. 

“I’ve missed you too, my angel.” His arm moves around your waist to pull you closer to his side. Maybe it's a tragic love story—or maybe it’s just not meant to be. Whatever it is, you love Hyunjin too much to just leave him in hell, which is why you’re always in the human world. You just want to see him; even if it’s for a moment. “Has the higher ups caught you yet?” 

“Even if they do, I honestly don’t think I’ll do anything about it,” you mutter softly. “I just want to be with you again.” 

“Don’t get yourself kicked out for me, (Y/n). I know that Skye did it, but I don’t want you to come down.” Hyunjin gently moves his hands up to your head, guiding you to lay in his lap. “I’ll tell you that comparing the two, hell is not for someone like you. You’re too pure for that place.”

“What about you? You didn’t even mean to end up in there.” 

“Yeah well,” he sighs softly as he gently pushes a few strands of hair off of your face, “I can’t change the mistakes I made.” You look into his crimson eyes, your hand raising to cup his face. 

“I remember when your eyes were brown,” you softly claim. “I remember how soft and beautiful they were. Now, they look deceiving and mischievous.” Hyunjin lets out a chuckle. 

“These eyes are now made to deceive. I can’t be as soft as I used to be or else I’ll get punished by the Lord.” Your bottom lip juts out slightly into a pout. 

“My poor angel," you coo. Hyunjin blushes lightly. "You'll always be my angel—no matter what happens." 

"I've missed your touch," he hums as he takes your hand from his cheek to his lips. Hyunjin didn't mean to get his wings ripped off. It was just one too many mistakes, and it was too big of a mistake. Hyunjin remembers the day he was told that he was losing his wings. He was hoping that he would be forgiven. “Please, I won’t do it again. I-I promise. Just let me stay, please.” He was on his knees in front of the higher deity who sat before him. 

“Three strikes, Hyunjin.” They shook their head. “Your wings will be taken from you and you’ll be sent down to hell to join the fallen.” 

“Other than those, I’ve been good!” he reasoned. “P-Please, (Y/n) will be heartbroken.” Hyunjin lowered his head to the ground. “She brought me up here. I promised her I would be by her side forever.” 

“You’re of human blood. Your blood isn’t pure. The more mistakes you make, the easier it is for you to turn evil. We can’t afford that.” 

“B-But,” he sat upright to object, but the deity stopped him before he could.

“The decision is final, Hyunjin.” Once again, Hyunjin lowered to the ground. He let out a sob as he imagined having to break the news to you. You were the reason he was an angel in the first place. 

As every angel does, you were finishing an assignment; the assignment being Hyunjin. He remembers the first time you came to him clearly like it had happened so recently. You showed up while he was waiting for the bus home. Hyunjin didn’t pay you any mind at first, but when he kept seeing you so regularly, he got more and more curious about who you were. 

“Hey,” he greeted, making you turn to him. “Did you move here recently? I’ve only seen you taking this stop recently.”

“Yep,” you nod. “I moved halfway through the school year since I had to move so suddenly.” Actually showing your appearance to your humans was always your go-to method. Slithering your way into their lives made it easier for you to do your job since you could keep better track of them. 

“Ah, I was wondering why I was seeing you so suddenly. I’m Hyunjin.” Such a simple introduction that started your bizarre friendship with your human. Hyunjin was a wild card. He was always doing the most random things at the strangest hours. 

“(Y/n)! Come down to the park!” You sat up in your bed, turning on the light to check on the large clock that stood in the corner of your bedroom.

“Dude, it’s three a.m.?” Your statement only made him even more persistent. 

“Don’t question it and just come!” You pulled yourself out of bed, dragging yourself out of your home tiredly. Even though you were an angel, you still valued your sleep a ton. The fact alone was the reason why you were so grumpy as you approached Hyunjin who was sitting at the swings all by himself. Well, that fact and also the fact that you already knew he was in no actual danger. 

“Mind letting me know why you woke me up so suddenly?” You glared at him. Hyunjin dismissed your bad mood and just took your wrist in his, dragging you all the way to the lake nearby the park. 

“You have to be quiet,” he whispered as he laid stomach down onto the grass. You were too tired to question him and instead just joined him. “There,” Hyunjin pointed, the excitement lacing his voice. You turned to where he was pointing and you gasped when you saw a large deer drinking from the lake. 

“Woah,” you breathed out. It shouldn’t have been such a surprise considering the fact that the neighbourhood Hyunjin lived in was right next to quite a thick forest. “It looks so pretty,” you claimed. Hyunjin nodded silently beside you. 

“I always come out here in the middle of the night since the deer around this area only seem to come out at night to drink from the lake.” He turned to you, his mind filling with glee at the realisation that he now had someone who could join him in watching the deer. 

“That makes sense. There’s no humans around to scare them off,” your words were soft and were mostly just you thinking out loud, but it made him smile. The two of you watched the deer until it hopped off into the forest, disappearing from your line of sight. By then, you were ready to just head home and plop yourself back into your bed, but it seemed as though Hyunjin had other plans. “Hyunjin, if I eat now and go to sleep, my face is gonna get all puffy when I wake up,” you whined as you let the brown haired boy drag you to a nearby convenience store. 

“Then just don’t sleep,” he shrugged, “you sleep early anyway. Six hours of sleep is not bad.”

“I sleep early because I want to sleep more,” you groaned. Once again, Hyunjin dismissed your mood and just pulled you into the instant food aisle. You watched as he grabbed two cups of instant noodles before running to the large fridges to pull out two bottles of iced tea, heading to the counter where you just watched lazily. 

Once he came back with the noodles, you cooked them with the water from the large water boiler. “Inside or outside?” Hyunjin questioned.

“Inside’s too cold,” you simply stated. He nodded without another word, the both of you making your way outside to where a small plastic table was. You silently ate together. The silence was comfortable; that was the first thing Hyunjin noted about you. You didn’t need a lot of things to be comfortable. You wouldn’t exactly deny it either. Even though you were an angel, you preferred more simple things. You didn’t treat your position as an otherworldly being as such a big thing. You just liked food and sleep. 

Hyunjin appreciated that you did. It really didn’t take much for him to fall in love. Six years worth of friendship and he realised he just loved everything about you. You would be lying if you didn’t love him back. He made you feel safe. There was a charm about Hyunjin that was strong enough to make an angel fall in love with him. 

“I think I love you,” he confessed when he broke the kiss. You stared at him, your mind battling between your heart until your heart made the decision for you. 

“I think I love you, too.” You had to admit that you had never seen Hyunjin happier than when you confessed your love on the beach, the sound of the waves crashing against the shoreline and the slowly rising sun just adding to the ambiance that was nothing less than romantic. 

“I can’t believe it took us six years before we realised it,” Hyunjin chuckled. You chuckled as well, scooching yourself closer to him where you leaned your head onto his bare shoulder. 

“I know right,” you muttered. You knew the consequences of dating a human. You just had to hope that the deities wouldn’t figure out—even though you knew very well that they watch over the entire world—and that you could play it out smoothly. 

When a few months passed and you still haven’t heard anything from the higher ups, you just assumed that you were in somewhat of a greenlight. The only thing was that Hyunjin was getting more and more prone to injuries. There was a weird energy surrounding your human. Something that didn’t feel like energy from an evil entity, but energy that just didn’t sit right with you.  

At one point, he got so hurt that he was taken way before his time. Which was why you made a deal with the council. Well, you honestly did it because you were in love with him. “He’s been good.” The higher deity raised an eyebrow. 

“You’re a good angel, (Y/n).You’ve never failed a task and we assume that this is the first time you’ve ever courted a human.” Without much other objections, the deities gave you the responsibility of bringing Hyunjin up to heaven with you. 

“W-Where are we?” he questioned nervously. 

“I brought you to my real home,” you hummed. With you by his side, Hyunjin slowly started to ease into his new surroundings, his fear slowly switching to curiosity. 

“So, you were my guardian angel?” he asked when you had explained everything. You nodded. “And you asked the deities to give me a chance as a guardian too?” You nodded once again. “Does this mean we get to spend the rest of our time together?” 

“Exactly why I asked for you to become a guardian. You don’t even have to get another home, you can live with me like how we did before on Earth.” Your suggestion made him smile widely. 

“As long as I get to be with you, my angel.” It was funny to you that Hyunjin gave you ‘angel’ as a pet name without even knowing what you truly were. “Well, it was fitting for you then and it’s even more fitting for you now,” he chuckled when you brought it up to him. 

You stuck by Hyunjin’s side for the first few of his humans, helping him to understand what he should and shouldn’t do when he’s on the job. Your lover watched how you worked intently, wanting to do it right to be able to stay with you. Humans were given less chances than angels did only because the deities knew that trust towards humans had a chance of being more unstable compared to angels. 

They simply lacked the purity that angels were created with. 

“You have to be careful with this,” you advised as you watched him grant his human dreams. 

“Like that?” he turned to you. You nodded with a smile.

“Exactly like that, my love.” Hyunjin was a fast learner and that you were mildly glad of. He caught onto what he had to do very easily and soon, you didn't even need to stick by his side. Instead, the deities decided that separating the two of you would be fruitless and simply assigned humans in the same area so that the two of you would end up staying in the same home. 

"How's Chia?” you asked when Hyunjin stepped into your shared home. When he looks at you with a completely pale face, you realise something must’ve happened. 

“S-She—Fallens came—t-t-they killed her,” he stammered out before completely breaking down. Your eyes widened and you quickly moved to his side, pulling him into your embrace and wrapping your wings around him for comfort. “I-I didn’t know what to do,” Hyunjin hiccuped, “I-I-I thought I c-could’ve saved her.” You bit your lip as you thought about it. Chia would be his first strike. 

“It’s okay, love,” you hushed softly, “it’ll be okay. It’s just a hiccup in your work. We’ll get you back on track, okay?” You wondered why he didn’t just ask you for help. You didn’t give that wonder much thought—your attention moving to soothe him because you knew that he would have to talk to the deities about this. “We can figure this out, Jinnie.” You held him tightly against you, letting him cry out his feelings. Losing the first human is rough for every angel. That fear that wells up inside of you when you realise just how bad losing a human really is… it’s pulled a few guardians out of their positions. 

It took a while before Hyunjin was ready for another assignment. That time, he was less confident in himself and had asked you to watch over him. You agreed, of course. You just didn’t want him to lose his confidence completely and have himself thrown out of heaven. 

Over time, he slowly regained his confidence with watching over humans. Some of them lasted longer than others and some only lasted a few years, but Hyunjin was more careful with them. That is, until he banished a fallen angel on sight. 

“Hyunjin! You can’t just do that!” you scolded frantically when you saw the fallen angel disappear into black smoke. 

“I-I panicked!” He turned to you with wide, scared eyes. That was strike two and you knew the deities were already starting to get wary of Hyunjin. The third strike was him being too careful. He had accidentally revealed himself to his human and let them slip past his fingers into the influence of a fallen angel. It just so happened that your human at the time was halfway across the world from your lover, preventing you from helping him in any form. “P-Please don’t cry,” he whimpered when he saw the tears streaming down your face. “Please, (Y/n),” Hyunjin took a step closer to you, his hands moving to cup your face. “I’m so sorry, my angel.” Your arms wrapped around his waist, hugging him tightly. 

“T-They’re being t-too unfair,” you sobbed against his chest.

“It’s the rules,” he swallowed thickly. He was willing himself not to cry in front of you—not when you were already so broken with him having to leave. “Every chance I get, I will try to see you.” Hyunjin’s words only made you hold him tighter. You didn’t want him to leave; not when you brought him up to be with him forever. 

“P-Please,” you whimpered, “d-don’t leave me, Hyunjin.” 

“I have to go, (Y/n),” he muttered. “If I don’t leave on my own, they’ll banish me and I won’t be able to enter the human world either.” Hyunjin pulled away to look you in the eye. “They can’t stop us from meeting. As long as I still love you and you still love me, that’s all that matters.” He pulled you into his chest once again, peppering the top of your head with soft kisses. “I’m sorry, my angel. I’m sorry I disappointed you,” he apologised once more before he disappeared. You crumbled to the ground without Hyunjin to support you, your dream of having him be a guardian by your side ripped out of your hands. 

“I love you, Hyunjin,” you sobbed, bringing your knees to your chest as you allowed yourself to break down in the living room of your shared home.

#kwritersworldnet #stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #stray kids oneshots #stray kids angel au #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #hyunjin stray kids #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin angst #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin oneshots #hyunjin angel au #hyunjin fallen angel au #hwang hyunjin imagines #hwang hyunjin scenarios #hwang hyunjin angst #hwang hyunjin fluff #hwang hyunjin oneshots #hwang hyunjin angel au #hwang hyunjin fallen angel au

[midsummerevening]

Alright so I thought I’ll share some of my thoughts on certain scenes of Love, Victor. As I said in a previous post, I don’t think Victor was ever attracted to Mia. He might have thought so, but he never was. To me, Victor was never meant to be bi. He’s gay but was in denial and did not want to accept that part of himself yet. That’s a hot take, I know that some people won’t agree and may criticize the series for its bi-erasure or even for being misleading with their trailer + the series in general. This comes from a girl who is bi herself so I understand why you may feel this way. You may or may not agree with me, and that’s okay. Feel free to add anything if you want to!

Okay. I thought I’ll do this episode by episode. At first I wanted to do it in one single post then it turned out that even in the first episode there was plenty to say so (warning: it’s pretty long)… off we go!

Episode 1: Welcome to Creekwood

Starting with the beginning. What struck me (besides the whole intro where Victor basically lashes out at Simon for having it easy), was a line said by Pilar. “if you had a girlfriend, you would understand” right there. See that face Victor’s making? It felt familiar to me, as it may too to other people. People including family assume you’re straight.

Pilar assumed Victor would have a girlfriend. There’s no wrong in assuming, but Victor probably feels like he can’t be anything but straight. Being gay isn’t presented as a “possibility” and it means he would have to come out, and that’s a lot harder. Especially knowing where Victor comes from. Texas, yes.

I found the little flashbacks scenes very revealing on his character and why he would deny who he is, and what is his sexuality. In Texas, there was “no place to be different” so Victor, to be accepted and included, fitted in. And I don’t think I’m reaching if I say that this has built up his internalized homophobia throughout the years. It’s no wonder he wouldn’t want to be gay when all he saw or heard was negative. His own father was mocking that man in the church, assuming he was gay because of his behaviour (and maybe he is). My point is, the vision that Victor always had of gay people is limited, and only draw criticism and judgement.

Victor is so afraid of not fitting in that he would rather stay in the closet, push down those thoughts than admit it, and assume who he really is.

When he arrives to Creekwood, meeting Mrs Albright made him realize he could finally be himself. Who he knew he was but never “dare” to be. When he learns about Simon’s story, he looks so relieved. If you look closely you can even see that he releases the tension he had at first. He had so much expectations about coming to a new school. New life, new me? Right. And then Mrs Albright made his dreams come true.

But even with that, Victor’s still afraid, which is understandable. And he falls for the safety net saying there’s no girl back at home and confirming the assumptions that he’s straight.

Now Felix has been the most accepting and the most wonderful best friend Victor could have had. I love his character a whole lot! There was just this sentence that did not sit well with me. I don’t think Felix ever meant any harm by saying it. I think though, it did not help Victor to embrace who he is.

First Felix assumes Victor has a crush on Mia after he talked to her for five minutes. Okay, why wouldn’t he right? He doesn’t know anything much about Victor yet, and as I said, there’s nothing wrong about assumptions. However it is hurtful to Victor, as again, gay isn’t presented as a possibility for him.

Focus on Victor’s reactions which, to me, are pretty telling on what he thinks about what Felix is assuming to be a growing crush on Mia:

“you’re blushing too – no I’m not”    

“you’re falling in love!”

Then what’s striking is the first scene with Benji. Do I really need on expand on that? When he appears, everything disappears. The sound fades. Victor has only eyes for him. If you were taking the music out I’m certain you would hear his heart beating sO fast. It simply looks like Benji took Victor breath away. His first scene is faaaaar different from the first scene with Mia. That speaks volume to me. This scene reflects on what attraction looks like. I could even say love-at-first-sight, because honestly, I’m pretty sure Victor fell for him the second he saw him, but that’s for another conversation.

Though I think Victor have chemistry with both of them, the way he looks at Benji is different.

Back to Felix. You may have noticed what he said after that marvellous scene. “Benji’s chill. Also, he’s gay. Just so you know.” When he says this, Victor appears so frightened of what Felix might say next. You can see that a million thoughts are already spiralling in his head. Then when Felix proves to be accepting/supportive, Victor relaxes a bit but for a short while as Felix continues by saying, probably unconsciously and without knowing what effect it will have on Victor: “You don’t want people to get the wrong idea.” You can tell Victor is affected by it, but tries to save face, and then his smile falters shortly after Felix goes away.

This, combined with the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to say he is figuring things out to Mia and Lake, crushes his dreams of coming out, whatever he may have thought after Mrs Albright’s speech is gone. And it continues to weigh on him during the whole fricking day. In the locker room for instance, where again, being gay seems to be the object of mockery. Or when outside, later on, as Benji reaches out for his hand to help out, there’s that stupid guy who shouts “get it new kid!” which, of course, panics Victor and pushes him to go far away from Benji. He fears he may be associated to him, I guess, and doesn’t want people to label him as gay as gay is apparently not really accepted here.

The scene with Isabel is interesting as well as it entails that Victor’s family especially her mother relies a lot on him, so coming out would break that stability (or apparent stability, as it will break sooner than expected) and Victor, as the fixer of the family, doesn’t want that. Instead, he’s holding back on his true self. “Pretending is exhausting.” That’s the key line here. Victor knows damn well what it means to pretend. But to protect his family from exploding, because he is “the strong one” he would rather continue doing so, even if that crushes him deep down, and gives him so much pressure. Sooner or later that pressure will make him crumble.

All that culminates in him choosing Mia over Benji at the Winter Carnival: as hurtful as it may sound, it’s easier to try to be with her than to be with Benji or any boy for that matter. As much as being straight is a lot easier than being gay. He won’t face hatred or judgement if he dates her, however if he dated a guy, that’d be another story. It is therefore no surprise, seeing where he comes from, and seeing that first (eventful) day at school, that Victor would go for this possibility. Why, he wouldn’t want to accept that part of himself yet. He would rather stay in denial than face the possible consequences of being who he truly is. From his family, his friends and people at his school.

(If you made it until the end, I thank you a lot. Didn’t think I had sm to say just for one episode but here we are.)

#love victor #lovevictor #victor #victor salazar #victor x mia #victor x benji #venji

[swiftlythebest]

In Defense of Lake Meriwether

All right, strap in folks, we’re discussing an unpopular opinion! Lake Meriwether is not a bad character and she goes through some realistic growth. Additionally, she and Felix are shown good development and I ship it. Yikes, lots of unpopular opinions in so few sentences. 

Sidenote before I delve into everything: there is certainly a danger in media made for children and young adults being looked at through the lens of someone not in that target audience. I am 26, meaning the way I’m going to consume media differs from that of a teenager, especially considering that we’re apparently in different generations (which is weird, but that’s a whole other story). All of that is to say that I am an adult talking about a piece of media made for teenagers by older adults. It’s complicated, and I am in no way claiming that what I have to say is universally correct.

This whole whatever it is ended up being really long, so I’ll put it under a cut. Also, I know a lot of people probably won’t want to read it.

Sense of Identity

First of all, let’s keep in mind that Lake is 15/16. I have no idea how old people reading this post are, but if you’re older than 16, and out of high school, try to remember how you were at that age. Your brain hasn’t fully developed and much of your sense of self comes from interactions with your family and peers, not so much the world at large. That’s certainly altered by the widespread reach of social media, but someone that age is still navigating identity and their place in the world with limited experience. We can’t expect a girl who has grown up in a privileged bubble to be a bastion of morality. We can’t hold her to the same standard we would a full-fledged adult. She acts like a typical 15/16 year old who is insecure and trying to hide it while living in the shadow of her best friend. 

And hey, it’s true, Lake is primarily known as Mia’s best friend. Mia is described by Felix as the hottest girl in their grade and loved by everyone. Mia has the affection of the cute new boy, as well as the popular jock that Lake initially likes. I’m glad they don’t fall into the trap of making that friendship toxic and unbalanced, which is so often the case. I think within their friendship, they are very much equals who love and value each other. But to the public, Mia is more liked than Lake, and she is definitely at least somewhat aware of that. Lake is not Summer Roberts or Lydia Martin in the sense that she is not viewed as a highly desired person in the same way those other two characters are; she is viewed that way by the nerdy love interest, but not the student population as a whole. There are definitely parallels to be made with Summer and Lydia (Summer especially when you consider the intense similarities between Lake’s speech about public couples being scrutinized and Summer’s incredibly similar speech to Seth in Season 1), but that’s not one of them.

Lake’s mom sucks. It’s clear that Lake has grown up in a household where her every move was judged and she was made to see more flaws in herself than she had. Think about how that must have affected her psyche and pressured her into believing that who she was to the public was what truly mattered. That’s ingrained in her. We see that almost immediately with her being obsessed with Creek Secrets and trying to make herself more appealing to Andrew at the party. I’m not sure she knows who she actually is, just who she’s been molded to be. She wants approval and in the beginning, it’s clear she really only gets that from Mia and Felix, albeit, the latter is from afar.

Importance of Friendship

Once she and Mia begin to hang out with Victor and Felix, she begins to shift. We do see it even before when she confronts Andrew at the Battle of the Bands, showing us that she at least in some way knows her worth, but I’m not sure how much at that point. Victor and Felix add a new dynamic to her friendship with Mia and give her more people to genuinely think she’s great and make that known to her. While she’s still clearly insecure, we can see that start to chip away. When she impresses them with her excuses, something she’s likely only done to Mia so far, you can see how their approval makes her light up. And Felix’s compliment is quite possibly the first step towards her developing feelings for him.

DJ F Bomb on the Track

So we’ve now arrived to the Felix of it all. I want to say that I absolutely love Felix. I think he’s funny and sweet and a great friend; he was my favorite right off the bat and that opinion was only reinforced as the series progressed. Our first introduction to Felix is outside of whatever image he has at school and with his peers. We are told about his status as an outcast by him a few scenes after we’ve gotten to know him, so we already have formed our opinion of him beyond his public image. We know he’s quirky and anxious, but it comes across as endearing; the audience doesn’t know that his unique personality is not the main thing working against him. To Lake, and a vast majority of his peers, he’s Lonestone, an awkward and weird boy who doesn’t fit in and has a truly unfortunate nickname and reputation. We don’t have five years of taunting to affect how we view him. The audience view of Felix versus his peers’ view is important to distinguish when talking about why Lake is so hesitant.

Felix initially comes on too strong. He recognizes that in Episode 7 and, with the help of Pilar, he learns to back off a bit. The angler fish speech is sweet, but was I the only one a little put off by how obsessive it sounded? He’s saying someone should sacrifice everything for the one they love, which is a lovely sentiment in a fairytale, but a bit much when you’re 16. His growth isn’t as explicit as hers, but he still does have to soften his approach in order to really make it work.  And I want to be clear that while Felix is definitely a better person than Lake, I’d caution to say he’s a better character, in the sense of complexity and growth. I like him more, as I think pretty much everyone does, but Lake is a layered character with logical development, which shouldn’t be overlooked because you may not like her as a person. 

It’s supposed to be Felix for her. We as an audience, as well as Felix, know it when she says the same thing he said about DJs in episode 3. She catches on a couple of episodes later after they steal the cake, but she’s clearly in denial. Lake likes Felix. And she seems to like him more and more as the season progresses. But he doesn’t fit into that perfect image she has spent so long cultivating and trying to maintain, so she’s having to come to terms with that throughout their relationship. When she shoots him down for the dance after seeing his apartment, you know she doesn’t want to. It’s clearly killing her to say it, but she’s not there yet. And Felix knows his worth so he ends it, which also clearly kills her.

She told him upfront that no one could know, and she repeats it a lot. He can walk away if he’s not comfortable with that, and we do see him almost do that in episode 8, until she tells Mia. He’s right to want to revisit that part of their relationship around the dance, and especially after baring his soul to her at his apartment. He’s right to break it off when, after such an emotional afternoon for them, she still won’t be seen with him. He’s right to accept an invitation from another girl. His reaction is completely valid. 

She doesn’t expect to be jealous at the dance because she thinks it’s the natural progression of things. Kieran is the kind of boy she always saw herself with: a popular jock. And then he’s boring. He talks about working out and fantasy football and it’s boring. She can’t be herself with him. Then there’s Felix, at the dance with another girl who seems to make much more sense paired with him. He’s wearing a goofy ruffled shirt and joking about the smell of his hair and telling Lake he just wants her to be happy. I think she needed to see that what she thought she wanted she actually didn’t, and also that the boy she liked genuinely cared about her as a person, not just an object of desire. He makes her happy, something I’m not sure she had fully admitted to herself until that moment. And yeah, the big public declaration of love is a huge cliche and overdone and all that, but it works so very well in visual media.

Conclusion?

Look, all of this mess is to say that Lake is not a bad person, nor is she a bad character. We all latched onto Felix pretty quickly, so naturally, our standards for him were going to be sky-high. But in a show of tropes, this relationship was obvious from the start. Lake felt authentic, like a scared teenage girl navigating her self-esteem, public image, overbearing mother, and falling for someone unexpected all at the same time. She grows and develops, learning to go for what truly makes her happy, not what she thinks should make her happy. 

TL;DR: Lake is a complex, realistic portrayal of an insecure teenage girl with an overbearing mother, who spends a lot of time in her best friend’s shadow. She’s in denial of her true feelings for Felix for a while, going so far as to sabotage something she knows is good and right in order to continue to feel secure. By the last episode, she has grown and learned enough to understand her own autonomy when it comes to her happiness. We should all cut her a little bit of slack and let the immature 16-year-old be immature and 16, while learning how to be just a bit more mature.

#love victor #lake love victor #lake meriwether #felix/lake #felix weston #felix westen #long post #i have opinions and you're all welcome to ignore them #love victor spoilers

[kleinblue52]

I just finished binging Love, Victor and I need to say this… yes, it’s cute, and it hits all the right feels, and it’s charming and amusing and the characters are lovable dorks. But what I really loved about this show? What I think really sets it apart as one of the most earnest and rewarding teen dramas of the last few years? The writing is so incredibly honest with the audience and never parades its high emotional stakes in a way that trivializes them, especially when it comes to the growth shown by the characters. Let me explain: in most teen dramas the DRAMA part is carried out endlessly all for the sake of narrative tension, to keep the viewer glued to the screen season after season. Which is not a bad thing per se, but sometimes it becomes really bad writing because it stalls the emotional growth of the characters. You just want your faves to TALK IT OUT and it never happens because talking and taking a stand would mean having to explain and justify the growth of the character, which is not an easy task, so most writers take the easy way out, let it all simmer forever and then when it explodes it’s usually dealt with quickly without a real mature payoff.

In Love, Victor the writers understand that the silent treatment, the stares and endless secrets and lies can be very frustrating and are usually a very weak substitute for real character growth. So what they do is present the problem, ACTUALLY showing us the struggle the character goes through, present us the change in them and its motivations, and whenever a character could take the easy way out and continue shoving away their problem, the character actually takes a stand, changes the status quo, shows growth and real emotion and accepts whatever confrontation or consequence that comes after.

SPOILERS after this

Take for example the scene when Victor deals with his homophobic grandfather. There’s hesitation and fear, but he actually decides to go for it, change something. Same goes for Felix showing Lake his apartment and Lake making their relationship public. Or Benji breaking up with Derek. And of course Victor’s final decision of coming out to his parents despite what they’ve just told the family. Sometimes these are decisions that may appear rather sudden in the narrative of a 30-minute show, but the writing is so rich and yet so natural that not one of those feels rushed or out of the blue. They come from experiences and growth and they move the story forward and make it interesting to see how the outcome will be dealt with, rather than rely on emotional suspense, unsaid words and unresolved tension only to make the audience put on the next episode.

#love victor #victor salazar #love simon #hulu #tv show

[kumeko]

A/N: For Crossed Realms zine! I decided to crossover with FF15 and do the rewrite I always wanted to fix the tonal issues I had with the game.

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i. Dedue

The prince was angry. Dedue knew that intuitively, could feel the rage rolling off Dimitri in waves. It was not obvious to most people—even his retainers and childhood friends couldn’t always recognize the conflicting emotions that constantly shimmered under the prince’s skin. Then again, Dimitri tended to hide his true emotions behind his manners. Even now, as they walked through the halls, the maids and household staff bowing as they passed, Dimitri didn’t let his rage show. He greeted each one with a smile, thanking them for their work. It could be forgiven if they thought he was in a good mood.

Yet, Dedue knew better. Dimitri’s hand was curled into a fist, his shoulders square, his footsteps slightly louder than they needed to be. All of his innate strength seeped out of him in the smallest of ways, barely restrained. Dedue had often wondered just how much minuscule damage the castle could take, how many generations had released their anger onto its sturdy bricks.

Still, there was no point in asking his highness about it. Experience had taught him that Dimitri wouldn’t talk about it until they were alone. Fortunately, it didn’t take them long to reach a deserted hallway, utterly clear of any eavesdroppers.

Immediately, Dimitri’s smile dropped, his pace slowing slightly. His brow furrowed and each step sent off a wave of tremors. “This is ridiculous,” he finally uttered.

This was the chance he’d been waiting for. Dedue clasped his hands behind his back. “What is, your highness?”

Dimitri gave him a sharp look. “I thought you agreed to drop formalities when we are alone?”

“I...” Dedue swallowed, remembering. His tongue felt heavy as he repeated, “What is, Dimitri?”

He smiled sunnily before the clouds reappeared once more. “This sham of an engagement.”

Dedue blinked, surprised. Over the years, he had occasionally caught Dimitri in a forlorn mood, longing staring out his windows in the direction of Garreg Mach. It hadn’t taken long to guess just whohe had thought of in those quiet moments or why he would smile sadly when alone. “I thought you wanted to marry Byleth.”

Immediately, Dimitri coloured. “That…it’s not that I don’t…” Utterly red, the anger washed off him for a moment and he ducked his head bashfully. His voice softened. “It’s not that.”

“Then…what is the problem, Dimitri?” He could live to a hundred and not be used to saying the prince’s name, to acting like their positions meant nothing.

The smile dropped, though Dimitri’s cheeks remained slightly flushed. Clearing his throat, he stood straight once more, though his anger was far less palpable than before. “I shouldn’t leave my country. Not now, when the Empire could crush us at any minute.” His jaw tightened. “I should stay and protect my people. My marriage…it is nothing compared to my duties.”

Gently, Dedue squeezed Dimitri’s stiff shoulders. “This will protect your people. Byleth is the archbishop, after all. Once she arrives in Faerghus, we will be under her protection.”

“I…” Dimitri softened once more, no doubt thinking about her. “I wish I didn’t have to rely on her for this, that I could protect us with my own strength.”

“You have,” Dedue replied firmly, shaking his head slowly. He would never be able to describe how he felt when Dimitri had grabbed his hands all those years ago, dragging a poor refugee from the slums to the castle. “And you will. This will reduce bloodshed and possibly deter the empire. There might not be a war.”

“Still...” Dimitri shifted uneasily before stilling entirely. “I wish I did not have to involve her in this at all. That our marriage was not based on this need. Besides, while this is all true, Ido not need to escort her here. You or Ingrid could guide her here—I do not want to leave my people in a time like this.”

Dedue shook his head. He never understood why Dimitri always complicated matters like this, why it was always so hard for him to accept the simple truths in life. Then again, the prince had often said the same about him, and perhaps they were both obtuse in their own ways.

“Her archbishop needs protection to reach here, protection that only you can give. I am not strong enough to protect her.” Dedue smiled sadly, more than aware of how weak he truly was. Compared to the strength of Dimitri’s other guards, nobles who had trained their entire lives to protect the crown, his own powers were paltry. The most protection he could provide was as a shield.

Dimitri’s frown grew deeper, unable to refute that. “I suppose.”

“I am certain she is looking forward to this too. She wants to see you,” Dedue added. It was a half lie. From what little he’d heard and seen of Byleth, it was impossible to read her emotions. But he’d seen the letters they’d exchanged, carried by an invisible, sardonic goddess. Dimitri’s safe was full of them, biweekly letters carried throughout the years.

That had to mean something.

“That’s not why I—” Dimitri flushed once more, the red reaching his ears now.

Dedue rarely disagreed with Dimitri if he could help it. Yet, in matters of his prince’s happiness or safety, he had to intervene. “Despite the pretenses leading to the engagement, it is also real.”

For a second, hope crossed Dimitri’s face. Then, just as quickly, it disappeared, leaving behind a cold expression. Teeth clenched, lips in a straight line, eyes hard—Dedue felt a shiver run up his spine as he slowly looked down the hallway. There was only one person in the castle who caused such a reaction.

Dimitri’s uncle walked toward them, his steps echoing in the hall.

Another good reason to get Dimitri out of the castle. Dedue wanted to take him as far from that man as possible.

ii. Felix

Under a blazing sun, crystal clear waves lapped a sandy beach. Birds trilled as they flew from palm tree to palm tree, and fish swam under the sparkly waters. In the distance, sea gulls cried.

This was paradise.

Felix hated it. An utterly frivolous tourist destination, Rhodos Coast wasn’t the kind of place he’d visit on his own if he had a choice. If he wanted to relax, he’d have stayed home. There was nothing calming about the way the sand burned beneath his rear as he sat. Unfortunately, he was alone in this thought; the rest of his companions were happily scattered along the beach.

“How can you be so grumpy even here?” Sylvain bemoaned, crouching in front of Felix. Dressed in swimming trunks and with a fruity drink in hand, he looked like he was at a party and not part of a prince’s guard. “This place is beautiful!”

The bastard was just out of reach for punch, but not for a sword. Felix contemplated the merit of sullying his blade with the wastrel’s blood. “This is a waste of time,” he growled.

“How?” Sylvain’s eyes widened, his expression guileless. Felix knew better than to believe that. “We’re relaxing.”

“We are supposed to get the archbishop,” Felix replied sharply, irritated. It wasn’t like this pretense of a mission wasn’t a waste of time anyways. No matter how important Byleth was, she didn’t need five people to retrieve her. Even if she did, with the boar prince around, they didn’t need the sword, spear, and shield of Faerghus all gathered together. “Not party.”

“We’re here for an engagement, this is a bachelor party,” Sylvain corrected smoothly, rolling his eyes. He stood up now and stared down at Felix. “You can have a little fun without the world ending.”

“And you can have a little less fun without dying,” Ingrid retorted, standing behind him. Her sleeves were rolled up, her usually neat braid slightly mused. She held a crab in hand and he didn’t have to ask to know she’d caught it herself. Unlike the idiot, she at least was still in her uniform, albeit a more relaxed version. Her jacket was nowhere in sight, her collar loosened, and with her sleeves and pants all rolled up, she might as well have changed clothing.

Sylvain groaned, turning his head as Ingrid dropped the crab into Dimitri’s fish bucket. She’d probably catch more than the prince did, considering how impatient he was.

“Come on, Ingrid, not you too.” He looked at her pleadingly, eyes wide, lip jutted out in a pout. It was a look that worked on most. “We’re at the beach! It won’t kill us to have a little fun.”

However, a lifetime had given Ingrid immunity to Sylvain’s begging. She rested her hand on her hip, frowning. “Look, Sylvain, this isn’t a vacation. We’re catching the ferry for Garreg Mach tomorrow. Could you please take this a little more seriously, before you offend some noble?”

“We’re going to war anyways,” Felix replied, shrugging at the worry. “Who cares how it was triggered?”

“Felix.” Ingrid changed her focus to him and gave him the grumpiest look. At least it wasn’t her glare.

“You two are terrible, I would never start a war.” Sylvain clutched his chest, faking shock. Getting over the betrayal rapidly, he smiled sunnily at them once more. “We’re taking a break today, remember?”

“Just because we’re waiting for the ferry,” Felix corrected.

“And this is Dimitri’s last day as a bachelor,” he continued, ignoring Felix entirely. “We have to throw him a bachelor party, guys—sure, maybe he can’t have a stripper or any of those fun things, but still. It’s the principle that matters.”

“This is what you preserve your principles for?” Ingrid hissed, unable to contain herself.

“You’re the only one who cares,” Felix replied at the same time.

“Dimitri cares,” Sylvain argued back, gesturing at the prince. “He’ll only get married once. Probably. And shouldn’t we make this a memorable time for him?”

Felix and Ingrid followed Sylvain’s arm to where Dimitri stood in the shallows of the lake, his pants rolled up as he slowly walked parallel to the shoreline. Noticing their stares, Dimitri waved at them invitingly, a smile on his face. By his side, a slightly tense Dedue glanced around warily, as though a monster would pop out of the depths and eat Dimitri alive.

“Well…” Ingrid softened. As usual. Sylvain’s charms might never have worked on her, but he’d always been good at persuasion. “I suppose it’ll make him happy…”

Felix rolled his eyes, not falling for his childhood friend’s usual tricks. “This is a waste of time,” he repeated. The prince would also smile when he saw Byleth, if that’s what they were after.

“Party pooper,” Sylvain sniped, and that was the only warning Felix got before a bucket of water showered him from above, drenching him entirely.

Felix sat there for a long second, his clothes clinging to his body like a second skin, before leaping to his feet. “SYLVAIN.”

No one would complain if they ‘lost’ Sylvain. It wasn’t like they needed him to protect the prince after all.

iii. Ingrid

Ingrid knew the sound of death. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t choked tears or heart-wrenching wails. Those came after, when a person processed what had happened, when people tried to put words to their feelings. The sound of death was just this: utter silence.

She had experienced it once, long ago, when the Empire had attacked. They had fended off the soldiers, protecting Dimitri, but not before his parents died. Not before Glen, Felix’s brother, her fiancé, died. It had been silent then as well, when she’d received the news. Everything froze, time stood still, and Ingrid had heard the deafening roar of silence before Sylvain had grabbed her, hugging her tight.

Her ears rang now too as she stood on a ridge overlooking the Faerghus capital. Sylvain was saying something, but she couldn’t hear him, couldn’t hear anything as she stared at the smouldering ruins of her home. When she’d heard the news at the docks, that the Empire had attacked, she hadn’t believed it. How could they have struck the heart of Faerghus again? After everything they’d done to bolster its protections?

And yet, it was true. Ingrid didn’t blink, unable to tear her eyes away from the destroyed city before her. Whatever buildings still standing were broken, their walls scorched black from explosions and fire. An acrid scent assaulted her senses, the smell of burning bodies, and suddenly time moved once more. On her right, Dimitri stared in horror, his feet rooted to the ground. Dedue glanced at him worriedly. She should help. She should go to him.

Her feet wouldn’t move.

Felix didn’t move either, but not for a lack of trying. Sylvain had somehow sensed it ahead of time, locking him down by tightly winding his arm around Felix’s in a desperate attempt to get him to stay. He pleaded, “We have to go.”

Felix didn’t bother to reply, his eyes flashing with fury as he strained tor run forward. No doubt he wanted to fight whatever enemies remained, get revenge for their people’s deaths.

Ingrid covered her mouth, realization dawning. Felix’s parents. Her own parents. It was impossible to believe they survived but she refused to think otherwise. They had to be alive. She stepped forward, and Sylvain turned to her, eyes wide as he tried to grab her arm. “Ingrid! Don’t!”

“There could be survivors,” she shouted back, already scanning the ridge for the quickest way down. The slope to the city was too steep to walk, but if she tied a rope around her waist, she could scale it. “We have to save them!”

“We have to protect Dimitri,” he argued, struggling to keep a grip on Felix and stop her at the same time. “We have to leave!”

“I’m going down there,” Felix growled, trying to yank free. There was murder in his voice and any other time, she would have been on Sylvain’s side, keeping his rage in check.

“You’ll die!” Sylvain snarled, his temper no longer in check. “You’ll both die!”

“If we can save someone—”

“THERE MIGHT NOT BE ANYONE!” Sylvain roared, cutting her off as he said what they were all thinking, what they all knew instinctively.

For a long moment, she and Felix stared at him, eyes wide. Before she could reply, there was an almost inhuman cry from her right. Her head snapped to her right to find Dimitri crying out, a strangled sound escaping his lips. With his wild expression, it was like something in him snapped. Nothing about her childhood friend looked princely right now. No, he looked more like a rabid animal, barely restrained.

The second he stepped forward, Ingrid knew that if she didn’t stop him here, there would be no saving him. She didn’t spare a second glance at the city, at the direction her house was, and instead dashed toward Dimitri. “You can’t!”

“Don’t!” Dedue shouted at the same time, grabbing Dimitri by the shoulders.

Enraged, Dimitri tried to shove him away, his monstrous strength directed at them for once. Ingrid grabbed his other arm, gritting her teeth as his rage turned to her now. “We have to go!” she begged, echoing Sylvain’s words. Behind her, the city burned, and she swallowed down her sorrow. “There’s nothing for us here.”

Only death, and she couldn’t stand the sound of it anymore.

iv. Sylvain

Sylvain was used to being the joker of the group. When his friends consisted of the serious Ingrid, the noble Dimitri, the stoic Felix, and the silent Dedue, it was almost a matter of survival. They spent too much time in their heads, overthinking things, refusing to crack so much as a smile. It was a dreary way to live, and Sylvain had enough of that with his own family. If someone had to remind his friends how to loosen up, how to have fun, well, he’d gladly take the job.

Yet, despite a lifetime of practice, his silver tongue failed him now. There wasn’t a joke or a flirt that could change the fact that Faerghus was gone. There was a smouldering crater where their capital used to be, the Empire was invading any smaller cities that haven’t surrendered already, and who knew where their families were. Smoke continued to rise from the capital, mixing with the stormy clouds above.

Even now, he could smell the charred bodies, hear Dimitri’s pained cry, feel Felix’s muscles strain as he tried to charge off into a doomed battle. It might have only been days since the incident, but Sylvain had a feeling he would remember this sensation even years from now. A feeling of helplessness washed over him and Sylvain forced it down.

There wasn’t time for that, not when everyone else was moping around. Sylvain slapped his cheeks, forcing himself to focus on the present. Around him, survivors bustled, and Sylvain was grateful for this small miracle. Not everyone had died. There were enough survivors for a small camp. Sprawled around them was a tent city, with no more than about twenty in it. A small number, in all honesty, but it was better than nothing. He wasn’t sure how Jeralt had rounded them up, but it seemed the ex-captain was more skilled than he let on.

Plastering a broad smile on his face, Sylvain walked over to his closest friend. “Hey—”

“Don’t.” Unfortunately, the closest friend was Felix. Seated on a rock, he sharpened his sword tirelessly, not even looking up to acknowledge anyone’s presence.

“Come on, you don’t know what I’m about to say,” Sylvain replied lightly, though the words sounded forced even to his ears. Even his grin didn’t feel natural. “It could be anything.”

“Unless it’s about how we’re going to beat those bastards, I don’t care.” Felix looked up now, giving him a flat glare. His eyes were slightly red-rimmed and now that Sylvain was paying attention, his voice sounded hoarse as well.

“Felix…” Sylvain swallowed, reaching out to squeeze his friend’s shoulder. “I…I’m sorry. I know—”

Before he could say Rodriguez, before he could so much as touch him, Felix pulled away, his glare hardening. “Don’t,” he hissed, but it sounded more like a plea than an order.

Sylvain had never been close to his family and in all honesty, he never wanted to be. But Felix—he knew the relationship between him and his father was strained, was muddled and confused and with time, perhaps it could have been fixed.

It was time they never got. He had never thought of Felix as fragile before, but every part of the man before him looked like glass, ready to break. And Sylvain had always been a bull in a china shop. He stepped back for now, dropping the smile entirely. “Okay.”

There was something else he should say, but he couldn’t find the words. Looking around, it wasn’t hard to find the rest of his friends. Ingrid flitted from tent to tent, her hands full of supplies and expression determined. Sylvain watched her for a long moment, noticing her tear-stained cheeks and the tiny tremors of her hands as she forced a neutral expression.

Had his friends always been this fragile? This easily broken? He wanted to pull them both into a tight hug, force them to cry it out, but he knew he’d be the one crying. That as responsible as Ingrid was, she’d hold her feelings at bay while she dealt with him and Felix.

She looked at him, her green eyes watery, and Sylvain flinched. He knew her almost better than he knew himself, and he didn’t have to ask to know the question running through her mind, Could I have done more?Because Ingrid always blamed herself when things went wrong, always saw it as a failure on her part instead of others.

And if she asked, he wouldn’t know what to say. Before she could so much as step toward him, he spun on his heels and all but ran to the edge of the camp. Dedue’s hulking figure was easy to spot even from a distance.

His voice cracked slightly as he greeted, “Dedue.”

“Sylvain.” Dedue offered a half-smile, his expression weary.

“How’re you holding up?” he asked, coming to a stop next to him. Sylvain rubbed his arm, trying to force his heart to calm down, to keep his voice from cracking.

“As well as expected, thank you.” Even now, he kept a formal tongue, as though to force a wall between them. “And you?”

“Alive, I guess,” Sylvain half-joked, not sure how to answer that question at all. Really, this whole line of questioning was stupid, why had he even asked that. He rubbed his neck. “How’s Dimitri?”

Dedue sighed, gesturing at the field in the distance. Barely visible was a blue-clothed man in battle. Sylvain tensed, almost about to run after his prince, when he realized there was no enemy. Just a man, in a field, spearing countless invisible foes. Dimitri roared with each thrust, sounding like a wild, rabid animal instead of the gentle prince he’d known for years.

Just where had that rage been hiding, all this time?

“He has not stopped for the last two days,” Dedue answered his unasked question. “He barely rests, barely eats, and I fear for his health.”

“I…” Sylvain’s shoulders sank, and just who did he think he was going to cheer up? He barely knew how to react. “How do I help?”

“I’m not sure if anything can help him right now.” Dedue’s brow furrowed.

“Then what should I do?” His voice cracked.

A heavy hand rested on his shoulder, and he looked up at Dedue’s impassive face. His eyes crinkled kindly, his voice soft. “You live.”

“Live?”

Dedue nodded. “Yes, that is what Dimitri, what all of you have taught me. Even if my people are gone, I am here.”

Suddenly, Sylvain recognized Dedue’s expression for what it was: a man who had lived through this before, who was seeing nothing new. He’d almost forgotten that Duscur was amongst the first to be conquered by the Empire, its people all but wiped out. No wonder Dedue always looked older than he was.

“Living is harder than it looks.” Sylvain cracked a smile, and this time it didn’t feel faked.

v. Dimitri

Dimitri was used to ghosts. He’d had his since he had been a child, watching his parents die in a burst of flames and gunpowder. Their voices had never left him—his father screaming at his enemies, his mother begging to be saved. If anything, the ghosts had piled up over the years, the faceless citizens he could have saved, the people he should have protected.

He was used to his ghosts, and in retrospect, seeing his home wiped out shouldn’t have affected him as it had. What was the weight of millions more, their voices drowning out one another as they all asked him for the same thing: justice.

No, not justice. His blood boiled too hot, his skin itched too much for this to be as cool and neutral as justice. They wanted revenge.

He wanted revenge.

“What are you thinking of?” Gilbert asked, his voice so low and quiet that Dimitri almost mistook it for a phantom’s. The man’s presence was as invisible as one, anyways, and Dimitri wouldn’t have noticed him in Jeralt’s camp if he hadn’t called out. Even now, following him through the abandoned caverns near the capital, it was like following a wraith. It was easy to lose him in the gloom.

Dimitri looked at the older man, at the wrinkles lining his face. They’d known each other for years, but he hadn’t realized how old Gilbert was till now. “You should be with your family,” he replied automatically.

Gilbert’s eyes widened before he shook his head. His huge frame almost curled into itself, shame radiating off him. “I cannot.”

“You will not,” Dimitri corrected harshly, no longer willing to mince his words.

Gilbert’s breath hitched, and he nodded. “No, you are right. I will not.” His hand curled into a tight ball as they walked, his nails digging into his skin.

Perhaps it was a good thing that he had left the others behind, ordering them to keep watch at the cavern’s mouth. There were some conversations Dimitri wasn’t ready to have in front of them, some words he wasn’t ready to hear from them, and a trip through the dark was preferable than having to process the past week.

“Why?” Dimitri asked. The words came out louder, rougher than he’d intended.

“I do not deserve to see them,” Gilbert replied simply, as though that made sense. He gave a resigned smile. “Not after what I’ve done to them.”

And what was done to us?

What do we deserve?

“You can still say that, even now? After the capital was destroyed?” Dimitri asked, resisting to cover his ears. It never stopped the ghosts before, it wouldn’t stop them now. He wanted to get through this conversation without rage spilling out of him like lava from a volcano.

Gilbert frowned, his heavy brow furrowed. “That is a fair point.”

“Then—”

“However, we will have to discuss it when you return, your highness.” Gilbert came to an abrupt stop.

Dimitri looked ahead now, eyes widening as he took in a massive door. Elegant script covered it, a tribute in a dead language, and faintly he could recognize some of the magic ruins covering the stone slab. “This is…”

‘Your ancestral tomb.” Gilbert paused. “One of them, at least. Inside, you might find the help you seek.”

Perhaps there was something wrong about seeking the dead for help, but Dimitri had heard their voices for years. They had guided his hand, whether he liked it or not, and what was one more voice added to the collection.

With no hesitation, he touched the door. It groaned as it slid to the right into a crevasse, revealing a small, circular room with a domed roof. Inside, several statues lined the walls, and he recognized the biggest one as Loog, founder of his country and his first ancestor. In the center of the tomb, a long coffin stood alone.

His feet automatically moved toward it. Dimly, he was aware that Gilbert had stayed outside. Dimitri’s footsteps echoed softly in the room. It threw him off slightly and he stopped, looking around. There was no one here but him.

Dimitri froze. There was no one here but him. He had almost forgotten what it was like, utter silence. To be alone with his thoughts. Not even the ghosts were willing to enter this sacred area. Swallowing, he turned back to the coffin, his hands brushing the lid reverently.

What would the King of Lions have done in his place? Revenge? Justice? Or walked away from it all?

A flash of green crossed his sight, the memory of a slight smile, a soft touch. Byleth.

Peace.

As though to answer him, a sword materialized in the air, identical in form to the one decorating the coffin. Loog’s sword, he knew instinctively. The sword hovered in the air in front of him, waiting to be claimed.

His ancestors had spoken.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, banishing any thoughts of a green-haired woman as he reached for the hilt.

The path before him was one of vengeance. Love had no place there.

#ingrid brandl galatea #sylvain jose gautier #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #felix hugo fraldarius #dedue molinaro #fire emblem three houses #ff15 #fe3h #dimileth #fanfic

[goldenpctals]

TRUTH BOOTH, elodie edition

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: My name is Elodie Yoon-ah Gwan 2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? Not completely sure? I know Elodie is some kind of flower and Yoon-ah means ‘light of god’ 3. Do you have any nicknames? Sometimes people call be El or Ellie  4. Where were you born? And in which country? I was born in Seoul, South-Korea 5. What is your date of birth? January 4 in year 1996  6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? I’m a Capricorn 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? Sometimes? I like to think so?  8. Where do you live? I live in Violet Springs, in Violet Heights to be exact 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) I live with my two dads, Edwin and Jonah and with my sister, Ruby 10. Do you have any siblings? Yes, I have two sisters. Ruby and Issy Rosini 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? Not that I know of 12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? Ruby has the most dogs in the house. However, I have a white cocker spaniel. His name is Baloo and he’s the cutest 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? Because I love performing, singing and music 14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? A few. My English wasn’t really that good at the time. I still struggle with it every now and then  15. What is the current course you’re following? I study to course Music 16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? If I had to switch, I’d probably pick dancing. It’s one of my greatest loves 17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? So far? My song named Solo. I heard it reached millions of views which is crazy 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? There are a couple. If I keep going I’ll be talking for a couple of days 19. Do you like FanCons? Yes. I love them!  20. What do you like about FanCons? Getting to meet my fans. I didn’t know I had so many people who care about me and my music. It’s a nice feeling 21. What don’t you like about FanCons? It can be overwhelming at times 22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. A fan gave me a painting and it still hanging above my bed. I just love the vibe of it 23. Your favorite event so far? Hm.. Any kind of charity event 24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? I think this is done before, but St Judes vs. other universities  25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? I would. I think this is the perfect place to chase your dreams 

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? I’d like to say that I’m realistic, patient and hard-working 27. What are you negative traits? Probably that I tend to look shy, I’m very cautious and I don’t trust people so easily 28. What would other people describe you as? A shy and awkwar bean 29. What are your pet peeves? Slow walking... 30. What makes you happy? Music makes me happy. Being with friends and family. Just be around good energy  31. What makes you upset? Seeing anyone I care about upset 32. What is something you love? The universe. I’m obsessed with the moon and the stars  33. What is something you dislike? Anger. I don’t really know why people get so angry or caught up over something 34. What are you strengths? My patience 35. What are you weaknesses? I have quite a few, so I’ll PASS this one 36. A misconception people often think of you? I don’t think I’m here long enough? But if I had to say something, probably that .. I have no idea 37. Do you have any fears? Yes  38. What scares you the most? Losing myself again 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? I make songs and go to the studio  40. What is your MBTI? I think it was ISFP 41. How do you deal with stress? This is something I struggle a lot with. I usually sit on a rooftop and I write down how I feel in lyrics.. I just tend to look at the moon a lot too 42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? Determind 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? No, I think I put people’s feelings over mine 44. Would you like to be different? I wish I was stronger, mentally  45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? Introvert

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? I consider myself heterosexual 47. Current relationship status? Single 48. When was your first kiss? It was a couple of months ago 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? I don’t think I’ve ever been asked out on a proper date so..  50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? Unfortunately, yes. But no because of romance 51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) No 52. If no, how so? There’s.. this.. like, wall that’s up pretty high? I’ve been through a lot and I refuse to get hurt again. I think I’m just really scared to fall in love with someone. I have experienced crushes.. Now I have a small one on someone I know I can never be with 53. How do you know when you’re in love? n/a 54. What would be your ideal date? My ideal date would be somewhere nice and quiet, maybe like at a lake or beach and a picnic to get to know each other 55. What is your perspective on marriage? When the right person comes, I’ll be open to it. But for now? I’m way too young to get married 56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? n/a 57. What do you think of relationships? I think it’s beautiful how you can share your love with one another  58. What do you think of one-night stands? I’m not someone to do this. I’d rather get to know someone first before I do anything else. Plus, I want to be super comfortable first and even then, I’d only be intimate when I would be in a relationship 59. Are you still a virgin? Yes, I am 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? Loyalty and caring  61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? Being truthful with one another. And also, be patient with one another  62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? I’m not completely sure. I don’t really like when someone is extreme. I think I’d prefer just holding hands or a hug?  63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? The type to be asked out, I guess?  64. How do you express love to the other? I think I express my love to others by making sure they’re okay? I don’t really know how to answer this  65. Who is your celebrity crush? Ji Chang-Wook.... He’s so so so dreamy

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? Yes 67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? I’m so grateful for where I am now. However, my past is really hurtful but even though, life goes the way it’s supposed to go.. right?  68. What is something you would never share with anyone? There are so many things that people don’t know about me or my past. Ruby knows a lot.. but she doesn’t know everything yet and I don’t think I can ever share my memories with someone 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? Just a couple of days ago. I suddenly felt overwhelmed after Felix’s birthday party. Probably a lot of, held back emotions at once 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: Solo being accepted by so many people. It’s still a miracle to me 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? Nothing 72. Someone you miss? There isn’t anyone that I currently miss 73. Something you wish you could forget? My past 74. Who has the biggest impact on you? Ruby 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? I think it can be beautiful in ways but it’s so scary, though? Love can be so hurtful. I’m not totally against it, I love to love, but --- it’s pretty unpredictable  76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? Anything that I went through the age of 17 until I was adopted by Edwin and Jonah 77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? Something I gained? A family. Something you’ve lost? Myself. But I’m doing very well in finding myself again. Something I let go of? Not much. My mind is still full of things that I wish I could forget  78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? Not really?  79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? I have panick attacks at certain events or scenarious? (OOC: She has PTSD and has 2 triggers, however, this hasn’t been diagnosed yet) 80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? You’re happy and you’re doing well. However, in a bout a year or so, someone is going to take you away from your family and you’re going through the worst pain in your life. Someone will introduce themselves as some kind of angel to you, but they will turn out to be your worst nightmare. You will go through a lot. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. This may seem to go on for forever, but you are so strong that you are going to get through this. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you....

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? Summer 82. Cats or dogs? Dogs  83. Beach or mountains? Beaches 84. Phone calls or texting? Phone calls 85. Have you ever skipped class? Only when I was dealing with mental health or sickness

#stjudestruthbooth

[ellaofoakhill]

The Ice Cream Pail

Meline woke with a stretch and a groan. It was the last afternoon of September. She dressed, opened the kitchen window, had a quick breakfast of timothy bread and a saskatoon with tea, and gathered her medicine bag, her staff, and her mantle, along with her pack. Tonight was a gathering night.

In the time between times, after sunset but before the first star, Meline whistled a tune and opened her door. And jumped back with a start.

Fetched up against her door was an ice cream pail. It was upside down, and poking from beneath it was a plastic bag. It was the bag, snapping in the breeze, that made Meline jump back. It would’ve caught her full in the face if she hadn’t moved. As it was, the bag did touch her braid. The smell of burning hair filled the room, and Meline was seized with a fit of coughing.

Once she recovered, Meline used the tip of her staff to shut the door. A bit of bag still poked in under the jamb, but Meline was not about to open the door again. She cut off the smoking tip of her hair.

“Okay,” she said to herself, “I have a plastic bag and ice cream pail sitting over my front door, which will burn me down to nothing if I touch them. No problem. I’ll just stroll out my back door and go get help!”

She opened her back door and stared at the enormous plastic bag sitting over it. It had cuts and holes in it, and out of these poked more plastic bags. It wasn’t directly in front of the door, at least, but the narrow stair leading up from Meline’s back step left no way around it. Even in the gentle breeze, the waving, snapping bits of plastic would be sure to strike her.

Meline took a deep breath. Maybe tonight was not going to be a gathering night.

She went to her bedroom window and started piling furniture. Once her room was in complete disarray—it had taken a long time to get the bed, the dresser, and her bookshelves to cooperate—she climbed up on her dresser and tried the window. It slid open. Grinning to herself, she ducked her head through, then her shoulders. Chest and waist just slipped through, and then Meline’s hips caught. She scraped and pulled, but the moss kept breaking just as she got purchase. She looked back over her shoulder. No, she thought to herself, I’d never make it out this window any time after my six hundredth birthday.

After some wriggling and pushing, and more cursing than many fey would expect of her, Meline tumbled back into her room, whacking her skull against the headboard of her bed. Rubbing the sparrow’s egg swiftly making itself known, she went to her kitchen. She pulled out her measuring string. Her hips gave her no chance against the kitchen window.

Meline took a few deep breaths. “My front and back doors are blocked. I cannot escape through my windows. I blocked my cellar door last autumn with a rock bigger than Havel could lift, and it’s outside, where I can’t touch it, so my magic’s out.”

It was getting dark. Meline spoke a word of power, and her wall crystals glowed to life. She blinked, and looked back at them.

She hopped down from the window, and took out a small chrysoprase box. She lifted the tarnished silver clasp, and flipped up the lid. On the bottom of the lid was a crystal mirror. In the box was a series of square glass beads. Each bead had a letter in the Feyish script embossed in it.

She spoke a word of power, and the mirror flashed to life. Meline saw she had sixty-four unwatched messages. With one finger Meline tapped the letters that spelled Ella’s name. Shot in the dark.

“Fairy not found.” Meline supposed, since they’d been exchanging letters for almost three months, it should be unsurprising that Ella didn’t have a scrying mirror.

Evelyn was next on the list. The mirror crackled, and then Evelyn appeared in the mirror.

“Hi, Evelyn, it’s—”

“Hello, this is Evelyn and Vedris of Pondside. We’re out at Oak and Stone just now, so if you wouldn’t mind leaving a short message, we’ll get back to you soon.” A thought seemed to occur to the Evelyn in the mirror. “Oh, if this is Archie, we reached an accord with the crayfish. And Meline, we’ll be expecting you for lunch night after the first quarter. Ta-ta!”

Meline bit her tongue to keep from cursing. When the mirror chimed, she said, “Evelyn, it’s Meline. I have an emergency, and can’t get out of my house. If you could recruit a stoat or a fox, or even a couple leopard frogs to come help, I’d be very grateful. I hope you’re well, and you get back very soon.” She closed the box, waited a moment, and re-opened it.

Her parents were much too far away to be of any help. Felix was at a concert in Oak and Stone. Gillian was visiting her in-laws until the first quarter. Julian was on his nectarmoon—Meline remembered after scrying she’d attended the wedding. Millie was actually home. She was also forty thousand years old, mostly deaf, and altogether unable to do anything herself to help. She said she’d try to flag down a nice bunny, though. Meline thanked her, and patiently explained that rabbits did not like being called bunnies, and never had, and it hadn’t been acceptable to call them that for over three thousand years. She wasn’t sure how much Millie heard and how much she pretended not to hear.

So that was every fairy Meline knew and trusted outside Oak and Stone. The fluttering plastic under her door mocked her.

She went back to her kitchen window. She laid a hand on the bare earth. She spoke a word of power, felt it ripple in the ground. She took a deep breath. And howled at the top of her lungs. “Is there anyone who can help me? I’m trapped in my house!”

How could the normally sweet sound of cricket song, she wondered, suddenly become so grating? The moon started to rise.

A quarter of an hour later, she did the same again. And then again. And again. By the fifth time, she didn’t care what she said, if someone would just pay attention. Just as she finished a stirring tirade which would’ve turned her father’s face permanently red, and stalked away from the window, she heard a flap. She turned back, and flushed. A red bat was crouched by her window with a broad grin.

“I was just flapping past, dear,” she said, wiggling her impressive ears, “looking for moths, and couldn’t help but overhear. What was that you said about the wood-rasp and the cricket strigil?”

Meline’s face could’ve boiled granite. “Nothing important!”

“Oh, well, have a fine night, then!”

Meline’s hand shot out. “Wait!” The bat stopped and turned around. “Alright,” Meline said, “what’s your name?”

The bat pricked up. She swung her impressive wing around in a tottery bow. “Maia Squeak, at your service.”

Meline gave a perfunctory curtsy. “I’m Meline of Wild Rose. If you deliver a message for me, I can give you four cutworms for your trouble.”            “Ooh!” Maia squeaked. “The babes do love their cutworms! What’s the message?”

“Uh… give me a moment?”

“For four cutworms I’ll wait an hour,” Maia said as Meline dashed to her cupboard and pulled out an envelope and a sheet of mothwing parchment. She took a quill and wrote:

 Ella,

There’s a plastic pail over my front door, and a plastic bag blocking the back. I can’t get out of my house. I’ve scryed everyone I know. Help will likely not come until late tonight at the earliest. I’m okay, but please come quickly. I l

 Meline.

 She threw the letter in the envelope the instant the ink was dry, addressed the envelope, and gave it to Maia. “Take that to Ella of Oakhill,” she said. “She lives in the oak by the house in the yard on the far side of the pasture. Please hurry.”

Maia nodded her head. She crouched, adjusted her grip on the letter, and sprang forward, digging her wrists into the ground. Her long arms extended, vaulting her into the air, and with a powerful flap—Meline’s shutters banged against the wall—she was a black spot in the night sky.

 Meline started reading, and gave that up. There was nothing she could cook that didn’t need her to gather ingredients. She played solitaire, and Fey’s Bend. She cleaned her kitchen, the living room, and the dining area. She even tried to rearrange her bedroom furniture.

The night was old when she sat at the table, poured herself a goblet of rosehip wine, and munched on a honey biscuit. She glared at the plastic poking out from under her front door.

“I hope Ella gets here soon,” she said, to hear someone talk. “She’ll probably bring Coarser, and Havel.” She chuckled to herself. “He’ll make someone very happy someday.”

Meline mulled her half-finished goblet. “Ella’s not impossible to read, but hard enough. Is that how nobles are? Different manners, different sensibilities?” She sipped. “It’s been nice, you know? Having someone to talk to, who clearly wants to talk to me. We’re really different—she’s a lord, I’m a witch, she works metal, I harvest the fruits of the earth, she’s tall and strong and has the ageless beauty of a glacier lake and I… can’t squeeze out my bedroom window.” She swished her wine. “So… why do I think she loves me back?”

Still thinking along these lines, Meline was starting on her second goblet when a sound rolled through the window that stopped her heart.

Ella’s horn. Just on the edge of hearing, but she’d recognize it anywhere. Meline rushed to the door and flung it open.

The bag flapped up and snagged on her wrist. She cursed, wrenching her hand back and slamming the door. Her hand turned angrily red in seconds, and blisters started rising on the last two fingers.

The horn sounded again as Meline, cradling her hand, grabbed a pot from her kitchen. The redness was spreading. It’d be above her elbow in minutes if she didn’t do something. She

dumped six cups of fine clay and one of charcoal in the pot, and added the last of her water. She mixed them until the consistency was even.

She pulled out a small sealed jar labelled “Fairy Tonic”. She unscrewed the lid—the pain grew only slightly more agonizing—and, with a dropper, squeezed three drops on her tongue.

She swallowed, and resealed the jar. Then she immersed her hand in the clay, and let out a sigh. Her hand only felt like someone was burning it.

She allowed herself a moment to savour the relief before she began speaking. Words of power flowed from her tongue. As the lights around the room dimmed, the clay began to glow. Softly at first, but as Meline layered word upon word, it glowed brighter, until it blazed like a white sun.

The air thrummed. Meline was so focused she didn’t notice the third horn blast, much closer, or Maia land outside her window, beady eyes wide with wonder.

Meline took a deepest breath, spoke one final word, and the magic ended. The clay went out, and the only light in Wild Rose shone in through the windows.

Meline put a hand on the worktable to steady herself. Even with the tonic, she was dead on her feet. She slid her hand out of the clay, which crumbled as she moved. It was bone-dry and steaming. She felt her hand. It was slightly warm, and had the waxy, bumpy texture of burnt skin. She’d keep an eye on it the next few nights, but the poison had likely been drawn out.

“Meline!” She looked up at the window. Maia, whom she’d just realized was there, hopped aside as Ella came into view. “Are you alright?”

“You came.”

Ella grinned. “Of course I came! Now are you alright?”

Meline nodded. “Yeah.” She’d never let me live it down if I tell her how this happened. “There’s the ice cream pail out front, and another bag at the back door. The pail’s got a bag stuck under it.”

“I’ll see to them,” Ella said, “In the meantime, stay put. Havel’s coming behind with the rest of the gear.”

Meline waited by the front door. There was a tapping and a hammering, with muffled curses. Plastic scraped against wood and earth. Meline saw the plastic under her door draw tight. She eased the door open, and it slid out and away. She closed the door again.

After a short pause, there was a knock. Meline opened. She rushed forward as Ella lowered her head. Her forehead banged against Ella’s helmet. Their stifled curses turned to laughter.

Then Meline’s arms were around Ella, and Ella’s were cradling her, her fingers stroking Meline’s hair.

They held each other for a moment. “Havel is going to be disappointed he couldn’t help rescue me, I think,” Meline said, still chuckling.

“Havel will be happy enough to help haul away this trash,” Ella said.

Meline was crying. The wet spot by her ear suggested Ella was likewise.

Ella spoke so gentle and quiet Meline would’ve missed it if her mouth hadn’t been so close.

“I love you. Please don’t scare me like that again.”

“No promises,” Meline said. They both chuckled, a bit wetly. Meline turned her head, raised Ella’s visor, and kissed her. “I love you too.”

#the fairy tales of ella and meline #tftem #the ice cream pail #chapter 10 #my original work #fantasy #lgbtq+ #romance #fairies #iyashikei #healing #fairy tales #all ages #fey #fae #magic #family #strong female protagonists #backyard fantasy

[juniperwindsong]

Dragonology 101 (10/10)

Summary: There's no fanfare or applause, no sudden beam of light that shines down onto Felix as he makes his decision; the way such a life-changing decision really deserves, he thinks. There's just the instant when he knows what he's going to do, as surely and with as little wonder as if he had made the choice long ago and only just now remembered to inform himself.

"Last minute cramming, Rosier? Most unlike you!"

Felix looks up from the letter he's engrossed in, startled by the voice of the girl perched on the very edge of the bench beside him. Her hands wring together in her lap nervously, and her lips twitch in the rough facsimile of a smile. But, like all the other seventh years waiting to take their Defense Against the Dark Arts practical exam, it's an expression she's almost forgotten how to make. The faces in the small room run the spectrum from anxious to down right terrified, and the girl next to him isn't the only one whose hands are shaking.

Tilting the parchment away from the girl's prying eyes, Felix makes a vague sort of grunting noise hoping to dissuade any further questions when he hears his name called from the doorway. He re-folds the letter carefully along its well worn creases, and slips it into the pocket of his trousers where he imagines he can feel its slight weight against his leg. Standing briskly, he and four of his classmates follow the wizened NEWT official into the Great Hall.

It's lucky he's excellent at practical examinations, Felix reflects, as he's never revised so little for a test in his life. In spite of the fact that he has not practiced or even opened a book in the last two days, the counterjinx he casts is flawless and receives an enthusiastic nod from his suitably impressed examiner.

Kettleburn assures me you excel under pressure...are uniquely qualified...asserts that you subdued the Common Welsh Green practically single handed... One of his favorite phrases from the letter drifts through Felix's mind, and he swells with pride, deflecting the examiner's hex with such force the man stumbles.

"Well done, Mr. Rosier!" the NEWT official gushes after the exam has concluded. Felix thanks him with as much modesty as he can muster. "I must say, I've rarely seen anyone so composed during a NEWT. May I ask what career path you are planning to pursue?"

Felix's self-satisfied smile withers as nerves attack his confidence for the first time that morning. He mumbles something noncommittal and scurries away from the hall as quickly as dignity allows.

Students are milling about just outside the entrance, rehashing their performance and comparing comments from their examiners. Felix skirts the edges of the crowd to avoid being hailed by anyone he knows and makes a beeline for the open castle doors. The grounds are full of laughing underclassman, unburdened by exams, basking in the warmth that has finally arrived after the unreasonably long, cold winter. Students lay sprawled out on the grass, propped under trees, or splashing each other merrily at the edges of the Black Lake, but Felix passes them all without seeing, focused entirely on the letter he's retrieved from his pocket and unfolds carefully as he walks.

The letter arrived two days before, and since then Felix has carried it with him everywhere. He's afraid to leave it in his room, cannot bear to keep it even as far away as his school bag, for fear it might vanish. No matter how real the now well-worn parchment feels in his hands, part of him is still convinced it's a figment of his imagination.

Felix's legs move without guidance from his brain, which is just as well since his brain is too preoccupied at the moment to be bothered with anything quite so trivial as where he's going. He's peripherally aware of sloping, uneven ground under his feet, and the sounds of merry laughter behind him growing fainter. He scans the cramped, uneven handwriting, searching feverishly for that line he has memorized and yet is compelled to see in print every few minutes.

"...my pleasure to offer you a position as my junior field assistant on an expedition the Reserve is sponsoring in Peru..."

A joke, Felix thought the first time he read it; it's someone's horrid idea of a joke. Only who could have thought up such a thing? No one except Kettleburn and Juniper knows about his adventure of the last term, and the letter references the Common Welsh Green and the Reserve specifically. He's considered more than once whether this might be some misguided attempt of Juniper's to trick him into pursuing Dragonology. But that's quite the elaborate scheme even for her. And besides, it isn't her handwriting. He's double-checked.

Felix thrusts aside branches and skirts clumps of overgrown grasses, dimly aware of a change in the light but unable to ascribe any meaning to it. The letter is real, then. It has to be. As unbelievable as it seems, he's spent two days considering every other possibility and nothing else adds up. He holds in his hand a real opportunity to study dragons out in the field. A once in a lifetime offer from a respected Dragonologist who chose him without an application, without NEWT scores, without even meeting him. Just based on Sparky's now legendary origin story and Kettleburn's recommendation.

It's everything Felix has never let himself even hope for; a longing relegated to the deepest recesses of late night fantasies; a very literal dream come true. And yet, Felix vacillates between overjoyed and overwhelmed. Because the choice it requires of him is so daunting it leaves him dizzy and weak in the knees.

Felix picks his way through the tightly intertwined branches without conscious effort, as though it were second nature. Which it is. He realises where his feet have led him only when they stop just at the edge of the valley where he spent half of the last term. The best half, he thinks. Maybe the best part of the last seven years. He drops to the ground, suddenly exhausted, and surveys the ditch in front of him. With the dragon gone, it seems so much larger.

How can he accept? How can he not accept?

For a moment, Felix permits himself to imagine what it would be like to say yes. He swings his legs over the side of the ledge, allowing a thrill to course through him at the thought of making his dream a reality, living out a true adventure. He tries to picture himself deep in the wilds of a South American rain forest, tracking the Peruvian Vipertooth with nothing but his wits and his wand, but fails entirely. He has no frame of reference for this. Even after pulling down every book on geography the library contains (astonishingly few), his only impression of Peru is a small dark green space on an old fashioned map.

Felix wonders briefly if the library at home might have anything more informative, but that thought sends his heart sinking into stomach. Because equally hard to picture as life in Peru is the conversation it would require with his father. It wouldn't even be a conversation, he thinks, kicking restlessly at the earth wall beneath him. It would simply be his father's deadly quiet voice and his swiftly drawn wand reminding Felix who is his and where he belongs, and Felix passively accepting this the way he always has.

The writhing in his stomach at the thought of his pre-destined future is horribly familiar, but now it's accompanied by something different, something stronger: a wave of grief that breaks over his head with such intensity it forces his eyes shut. Felix grips the grass beneath his fingers tightly. He knows what loss feels like now. He didn't before. Can he live forever with the loss of this? Everything's he's ever dreamed of handed to him so perfectly?

He can't decide. He's run through these arguments so many times the last few days they feel as creased and faded as the letter itself. Felix wishes there were someone he could talk to about it who could offer perspective. He knows Juniper would listen, if he managed to track her down, but the last thing he needs now is for his awkward feelings for her to over-complicate a situation already fraught with difficulty. Besides, Felix knows exactly what she would say, can even picture how she would look saying it. The voice in his head urging him to go sounds remarkably like hers. And the other voice is his father's. He needs a new voice, someone whose answer isn't predetermined.

Glancing back down at the letter, Felix's eye is caught by that phrase, Kettleburn has assured me....

-

Felix treks out of the forest and toward the Care of Magical Creatures paddock just as a group of third years are finishing their final exam. Students in red and green ties run frantically about the enclosure attempting to round up what looks like a small army of nifflers. He can see Barnaby Lee toting an armful of the struggling creatures toward a large open box, and Liz Tuttle balancing a niffler on each shoulder, plying them with treats. Grinning slightly to himself, Felix wonders if this is part of the exam or merely another creature prison break. Kettleburn stands off to the side, laughing heartily, which offers no additional insight.

Not wanting to be recognized by anyone, Felix takes his time approaching the paddock. He waits for the teenagers to deposit their nifflers, then gather up their things, laughing and chatting happily with each other as if they haven't any real cares at all. It's like looking through a window into a different world, Felix thinks wistfully, one where the weight of the entire future isn't hanging ominously over anyone's head.

"Well, if it isn't my aspiring Dragonologist! How are you, lad?" Kettleburn exclaims jovially as Felix clambers over the perimeter fence and enters the paddock. A few lagging third years look around to see whom Kettleburn is referring to. Felix feels his cheeks heat up, and he tugs at his collar in a hopeless attempt to shield his face from recognition.

"Fine, Professor, thank you," he answers uncomfortably. He shoots a look at the now clearly eavesdropping third years, so curious to know what could bring a seventh year out of the library on NEWT week. Kettleburn follows his gaze, then gestures at the gaggle of students as if shooing them away.

"Go on, you lot, off to dinner then!" Reluctantly, they hoist their bags onto their shoulders and trot back up to the castle.

Kettleburn twists from side to side to make sure there's no one else still hanging around before saying in an unnecessary whisper, "If you're here about that dragon, I can tell you he is doing swimmingly at the Reserve!"

For the first time in two days, Felix finds something to distract him from the letter. "Have they been able to fix his wing, then?"

"Not to my knowledge no," Kettleburn's moustache droops a little as he frowns, "But he did have his first flame a week ago! Very momentous occasion, so sorry you couldn't be there. Though from what I hear, you'll soon be seeing as much dragon-fire as you could hope for. Congratulations, by the way!"

"Oh..." Felix flounders for something polite to say that won't betray his indecision. "Yes. That is - thank you, sir."

"Well, was there anything I could do for you, lad?" asks Kettleburn. "Not harboring any other dangerous creatures are we? Haven't perhaps found that old yeti of mine?" He sounds rather hopeful, but Felix shakes his head.

"No sir. I...I actually wanted to ask you a question about the letter I received from the Reserve-"

"Hang on," Kettleburn interrupts, limping quickly around Felix to where the box of nifflers has begun to shake alarmingly, the creatures inside working together to capsize their prison. The professor steadies the box before it tips and places his hand firmly against the top to prevent any nifflers from popping up that way.

"Mischievous little blighters. Hate to keep them cooped up, but they're in time-out you see. Gnawed through my favorite leg when I wasn't watching." Kettleburn casts a glance back at Felix, hand still keeping the protesting box as still as possible. "What were you saying, lad?"

"I was just saying..." Felix struggles to regain his train of thought. "The letter I received mentions that you recommended me personally."

"Of course!" declares Kettleburn proudly. "Never met students could handle a dragon the way you and Miss Windsong did for so long with so little disaster! I had a hard time convincing anyone at the Reserve I wasn't exaggerating!"

Felix watches as tiny fingered paws begin to poke through the cracks at the top of the box, and he has to work hard not to crack a grin, the tension constricting his chest easing slightly.

"Yes sir, but...before that."

"Before?" repeats Kettleburn distractedly as he pokes the nifflers' paws back into the box one at a time.

"Before you found out about the dragon," clarifies Felix. "When I asked you if you had any contacts in dragonology, you said... you thought it was an excellent career choice for me?"

Kettleburn finally draws his wand and flicks it toward the top of the box wordlessly, making it go still. He straightens up, brushing off his kilt.

"I did indeed."

"But...why?" Felix asks unable to keep his voice casual or unconcerned in the face of the question he's been dying to know the answer to since November.

"Why?" Kettleburn fixes his one eye on Felix in a critical stare, as if deciding whether or not he's joking. But Felix has never been more serious in his life. "Do you know what most dragonologists have in common, Mr. Rosier?"

Felix shakes his head.

"Well, they all look a good bit like me." Kettleburn waves his replacement arm up and down the length of his body, indicating his many missing limbs. "You see, wizards who work with dangerous creatures generally have an excess of enthusiasm but lack what you might call self-preservation. You need a decent bit of both to be successful, but Magizoologists, and Dragonologists in particular, tend to put a premium on the former. We're a passionate bunch - have to be! But it does tend to shorten your life span and your number of natural limbs," Kettleburn concludes almost wistfully, regarding his own wooden leg which Felix notices is riddled with tiny niffler-sized toothmarks.

"But you, lad!' Kettleburn adds, pointing his claw at Felix. "You have something else."

"What?" breathes Felix, eager as a child on Christmas.

"Why, a good bit of common sense!" Kettleburn exclaims, arms spread wide as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. "Let me ask you, what do you think would have happened to Miss Windsong had you not been there to assist her with that dragon?"

Both the professor's answer and his follow-up question surprise Felix. He casts his mind back to the previous term, trying to imagine what each interaction with Sparky would have been like for Juniper alone. She did visit the dragon on her own for nearly a month before he joined her. And she was admittedly, more careful when approaching the dragon than Felix had ever seen her with anything else. But what would have happened once she decided Sparky needed exercise? Felix had orchestrated every successful part of that plan. Would she have tried to shrink the dragon like she first suggested? He doubts she could have managed it on her own, but if she had, if she freed Sparky from the ditch and led him to the grasslands by herself? Felix remembers the murderous look on the dragon's face and he feels suddenly queasy.

"I gather that you were rather the sensible one between the two of you," Kettleburn asserts. "And a dragonologist with a degree of sense is a rare find indeed. It would make you an impressive addition to any team. Not to mention increase your chances of survival by a good deal."

Felix turns this over in his mind. It's a perspective he hasn't considered. As much as he loves dragonology, it hasn't occurred to him that he might bring something unique and necessary to the profession. It makes his decision somehow bigger than just himself and his family.

Kettleburn limps toward Felix. "Dragonology isn't exactly a glamorous career, lad. It's dirty and tedious and pays precious little, and you'll see more than your fair share of danger. And it isn't the sort of thing you can change your mind about halfway through. You have to be determined, dedicated, able to withstand a great deal of hardship." The tall professor claps his good hand to Felix's shoulder encouragingly. "But it seems to me that a young man who's spent half a year secretly caring for a dragon with no hope of any reward but a great deal of risk including expulsion, on top of a seventh year's class schedule and NEWT studies- that's a person who's positively born for dragons. I can't imagine you won't make a name for yourself."

There's no fanfare or applause, no sudden beam of light that shines down onto Felix as he makes his decision; the way such a life-changing decision really deserves, he thinks. There's just the instant when he knows what he's going to do, as surely and with as little wonder as if he had made the choice long ago and only just now remembered to inform himself. He isn't going home. He isn't going to worry about what his parents want him to do or become. He's going to Peru to be a dragonologist, to make a name for himself, and start making the people who actually care about him proud for a change.

Kettleburn stands back and surveys Felix, slightly concerned. "Not having second thoughts, are you lad?" and Felix smiles, a real, joyful smile with no hint of a smirk, like the sun emerging from behind clouds.

"Not at all, sir. Thank you. For everything."

-

An easy decision, then, in the end. Felix crafts his acceptance letter flawlessly in one draft, as though he's known the whole time what his answer would be and has been composing the reply in his head. He sends the letter off the same day, and as he descends the owlery stairs, he feels like a brand new person.

Much less easy is the letter to his parents. An hour after Felix begins, the floor is littered with parchment and his hair is on end as he struggles to find a way of explaining what to them will be brand new and bizarre information. Nothing he writes will make them understand, he's sure of that. It's quite possible they won't even believe it. He imagines his father's indignant reply will accuse him of some NEWT induced madness, perhaps even in the form of a howler in an attempt to scare him to his senses.

Eventually, Felix writes the simple facts of the matter and seals the letter before he can reconsider. There will be fallout, he has no doubt. But somehow, now that he's made his decision, that knowledge is less frightening than it used to be. It's simply another hurdle in the way of his goal, one that he will inevitably overcome.

Only it's not a letter or a howler that arrives at school the morning Felix prepares to sit his final NEWT in Potions. As he makes his way to the Great Hall along with the other seventh year Slytherins, all quizzing each other frantically in hushed tones, he hears a voice saying his name from somewhere behind him. The voice isn't loud, but it carries with ease over his classmates susurrations. It's a quiet, deadly voice that Felix would recognize anywhere, even if he's never expected to hear it here at Hogwarts before.

Felix whips around in thunderstruck horror to find his father. He stands outside the door to Snape's office, the professor himself hovering just behind him. Felix notices distantly that his head of house seems even more displeased than usual and he addresses Felix's father in his most politely venomous tone.

"Mr. Rosier, your son is due to sit his final NEWT momentarily. Surely, this can wait."

"Absolutely not." His father's voice does not increase in volume but broaches no argument. Students around Felix are turning to stare and he can feel a heat rising in his cheeks that would keep a salamander content.

Snape's eyes flick once to the hallway around Felix before saying smoothly, "Then this conversation should be moved elsewhere." He jerks open the door to his office and waits pointedly beside it. Felix's father gives his son one last empty-eyed stare before stalking into the room leaving Felix to follow.

Felix uses the dozen steps to the dungeon to steel his nerve against the rise of instinctual panic within him. He's faced down a dragon, he reminds himself fiercely, why is his father so much more frightening? Kettleburn assures me you are excellent under pressure, he repeats like a mantra. But for some reason, he cannot harness that acumen that has brought him so far. He has no plan of attack against his father, no way to defend. He never has.

"What is this rubbish?" His father murmurs dangerously as soon as the door snaps shut behind Felix. He brandishes his son's letter in two fingers as though it were something filthy.

Felix takes a deep breath. And then another. Kettleburn assures me...

"It's a letter," he says simply. He doesn't intend this remark to sound as sarcastic as it does, but his father's eyes flash with fury and his hand creeps toward the pocket of his robes. Felix suppresses his involuntary twitch.

"No. It isn't," his father contradicts. "It's raving nonsense is what it is. 'Dragons and South America'," he utters contemptuously, glancing down at the offending words. "You consider this some sort of drollery, I assume? Perhaps if you tell me the name of the person who put you up to such a joke, you might be spared the more severe repercussions."

Snape doesn't keep chairs or sofas in his office for students to sit on leaving a large amount of open floor space, yet Felix's father seems to fill up the entire room with his presence, trapping Felix against the door. His heart is pounding so loudly he cannot hear himself think.

"It's not. A joke," he stammers. The weakness in his voice feeds the cold fire in his father's eyes. Deep breath. Focus. "As I explained in my letter, I received an extraordinary offer to accompany a highly respected Dragonoligist on an expedition in Peru. This offer is time sensitive and rare. I would be amiss not to accept it."

In almost eighteen years, Felix has never once seen his father speechless. Furious and raging, yes; cold and deadly, often; but never with his dark, empty eyes so round and wide, and his mouth hanging slightly open like a fish. It changes his father's aspect entirely. And Felix can hear Juniper's voice in his head, He's just a parent. He's not infallible. And he feels the fear begin to leak slowly from him like air from a balloon.

"What...is this madness?" Felix watches his father struggle to collect himself, can see wheels turning behind his eyes as he tries to regain control of the discussion. He suddenly turns and jabs a finger toward Snape, seemingly desperate for someone to whom he can attribute blame. "Where have you been in all this?"

Felix is impressed to find Snape entirely unintimidated by the fuming man in front of him.

"This is as much news to me as it is to you, Mr. Rosier. Your son has never confided in me any particular interest in Dragonology." Felix notices his father is several inches shorter than Snape. In fact, Felix thinks his father might actually be an inch or two shorter than himself. The image of his father in his head has always been like a statue, towering over him from a height Felix will never reach. It's strange to realize how small he actually is.

"No, I haven't. But it isn't new," Felix declares, his voice stronger. Both men turn to stare at him. "I've always been passionate about dragons. And this year I had the opportunity to interact with one and discovered I have quite a talent for it." He does not neglect to infuse his voice with the pride he feels is justified. "Professor Kettleburn was suitably impressed and recommended me to a friend he has at the Romanian Reserve. They believe I am uniquely qualified, and I was offered the position personally without an application or test scores. I've decided to take it."

Felix's father begins that slow saunter forward that Felix knows so well and alarm bells sound in his brain. But now he can see that his father is just another beast, his calculated steps merely an intimidation technique. His father's hand flicks lazily to his wand, but Felix can focus through the fear. Excellent under pressure...uniquely qualified. He tenses his muscles precisely, ready to dodge whatever spell his father chooses to throw, the same way he's dodged the snapping jaws of a dragon.

"You listen to me." His father's voice is barely a whisper. "This is a childishness I believed you were finally above but I see I have overestimated you. You are far too old to play these games-"

"You're right," Felix interjects calmly. He can hardly believe himself, because he has never done that before. Never even considered doing so. But like every other new and dangerous thing he's done this year, it comes with an incredible rush of excitement. "I am a legal adult now which means you cannot keep me from accepting this position. I can make my own decision regarding my future, and this is what I've decided."

His father might have turned to stone, he's so deathly still. Felix wonders if it's the confidence infused in his tone or simply that his father hasn't been contradicted by anyone in recent memory. Felix sets his face with grim determination, like a certain fourteen year old he knows so well. It's a look that doesn't yell or threaten, simply refuses to be cowed. But he's still himself, and so there's a smirk in it as well.

"Obviously, I would prefer that you see how this can be mutually advantageous. A position like this takes our name out of the spot light, yes, but it's still a position that carries prestige. It might be everything we need to repair the damage to the family reputation you caused." His father blinks, the first sign of life from him. "But if you cannot see that, nothing changes. This is what I've chosen."

Something shifts in the elder Rosier's face. The frozen features seem to melt slightly and a look that Felix recognises crosses his face briefly. He's seen his father look that way at Evan many times, but it isn't a look he ever seen directed at himself. It's respect.

"Well," his father pronounces finally, face now a careful mask. "I suppose congratulations are in order." He gives his son an infinitesimal nod, and if Snape suddenly began singing Celestina Warbeck in the background it would not have surprised Felix more. "It seems you've found yourself a bit of power. You might not be the waste of a name I considered you." His eyes meet Felix's in the closest thing to approval that Felix has ever experienced from him as he closes the distance between them.

"I will allow you to have your lark, for now. But know this, Felix," and he sets his hand briefly upon his son's shoulder. "Power without direction is meaningless. And often disastrous. The time will come when your power will need to be harnessed to a cause greater than yourself. And far more important than dragons."

And with that final pronouncement as his only farewell, his father sweeps from the dungeon, leaving Felix to somehow right the world from where it's been turned upside down. Felix is as dazed as if his father had hit him with a stunning spell, and he would be mortified if he had any concept of the slack-jawed expression of disbelief on his face.

"Mr. Rosier," Snape's voice drifts toward him from somewhere faraway. "You will need to proceed to your potions NEWT if you do not wish to receive a failing grade."

Felix nods dazedly, and exits the office as if he's floating. He wanders up the passage, legs moving of their own accord as his brain tries to comprehend the last ten minutes. In seventeen years of seeking his father's approval, is it possible he's found it by standing up against him?

Once again, Felix is thankful that he tests so well, because he has never been more distracted during an examination.

-

Click. Felix shuts the door to the horseless carriage carefully behind the last of the excitedly chattering first years. He scrutinizes the thinning crowd of students waiting to be ferried to the Hogwarts express to be sure he hasn't missed anyone, when he hears his name being called. Felix turns to see Barnaby Lee practically falling from the window of a nearby carriage in his attempt to flag Felix down.

"Felix, over here! Please?"

Shaking his head ruefully, Felix makes his way to the carriage and clambers in, settling himself beside Barnaby, much to the younger boy's obvious pleasure. It isn't until he's already seated and the carriage has begun to move that he realises the opposite seats are filled by Rowan Khanna and Juniper Windsong.

"I can't believe you won't be back next year," Barnaby laments, his face, always full of exactly what he's feeling, now the picture of dejection.

"Slytherin has other prefects, Barnaby. They'll help you with anything you need, that's their job." Felix tries to sound reassuring, but he can't focus properly. It's the first time he's been this close to Juniper since they said goodbye in the common room weeks ago, and he's acutely aware of her eyes on him.

"Yes, but not like you," Barnaby objects. "You never call me stupid or complain when I don't get things right away, like the other ones do. I don't know how I'll pass any of my classes now."

"You can revise with us!" Rowan blurts out, leaning forward excitedly in her seat.

"You wouldn't want to revise with me," replies Barnaby, sadly. "I'll just slow you down. I never understand anything. It used to drive Merula mad."

"There's nothing wrong with taking it slow, " Juniper chimes in. "Everyone struggles with something. Rowan's no good with creatures and I'm rubbish at Transfiguration. But we help each other. No matter how long it takes."

"Really?" Barnaby's face reflects earnest curiousity.

"Of course," says Juniper with a light, good-natured laugh. "That's what friends are for." And Felix has no time to glance away from her before she catches his eye, as if searching for his approval.

Felix feels like he might burst from the swell of pride and fondness he feels for her. He nods very slightly.

"Looks like you're in good hands, Barnaby," he says, giving the other boy a small smile of solidarity. "But if you ever need any particular advice, you can always write me."

Barnaby's face lights up again. "Really? Are you staying in London, then? You could come visit us sometime!" The younger boy is nearly bouncing in his seat with the force of his excitement. Felix has to work immensely hard to keep his smile from growing out of control.

"No actually, I have a job lined up in Peru," He says this casually, flicking back a loose piece of hair from his forehead and basking in the impressed looks on everyone's faces. Including Juniper's.

"What's that?" asks Barnaby confused.

"You mean 'where's that?' and the answer is it's a country in South America." Rowan answers promptly before anyone else can get a word in.

"But...that's so far away!" Barnaby exclaims, his eyes wide with concern. "What are you doing there?"

Felix takes a moment to savor his next words. "I'll be joining a team of Dragonologists working with the Peruvian Vipertooth. They're the fastest breeding dragons and they terrorize the locals if left on their own, so there's always a small team there responsible for keeping the population in check. Should be a good experience."

There's a brief silence before Barnaby and Rowan jump in with half a dozen follow-up questions, each talking over the other and eager to hear more. Felix answers them non-nonchalantly, explaining that he's meeting the expedition team at the Three Broomsticks instead of taking the Hogwarts Express back to London, all as if they were discussing nothing more exceptional than History of Magic homework. He keeps his eyes firmly fixed on the two of them, refusing to glance at Juniper except from the very corner of his eye. She's too blurry to read an expression from, but the silence she maintains is not like her at all.

They reach the station in what feels to Felix like record time, and as he climbs out of the carriage he feels nerves begin to buzz within him pleasantly. He watches the students around him rush for the idling train, calling to friends and searching for empty compartments, and feels a pang of homesickness for this moment he will never have again.

Then Barnaby pulls Felix into a crushing hug from behind, and he can't stop himself chuckling. The boy is four years younger than Felix, but just as tall and already broader. There are tears in Barnaby's eyes when he pulls away which alarms Felix slightly, so he turns to wave and nod at Khanna already making her way toward the train to save seats. Barnaby follows her, lifting their collective trunks easily.

Finally, Felix has no choice but to turn his gaze to Juniper. She's still standing by the carriage watching him, face entirely unreadable, which is odd in and of itself since Felix now considers himself an expert in interpreting her expressions.

"Well, farewell then," is what Felix begins to say before Juniper cuts him off.

"Felix, are you serious? You're really going to Peru? To study dragons?" It's that chaotic way of speaking she resorts to when she can't string a full sentence together. And there's no way he can prevent his smile from broadening now.

"Yes. Kettleburn's friend from the Reserve made me an offer."

Juniper simply stares. Then she crosses the distance between them in the space of a heartbeat and flings her arms around Felix's neck, pulling him into a hug with much the same force as Barnaby's in spite of the fact that she's half as wide and nowhere near as tall. Felix is overwhelmed by her scent, and the feel of her closer to him than she's ever been. But before he can begin to think what to do next, before he can even hug her back properly, she's let go.

A heat like dragonfire radiates from Felix's cheeks. "What...was that for?" he slurs dazedly, rubbing the back of his neck.

I"m just..." Juniper breaks off, shaking her head. She seems as overwhelmed as Felix feels. "I'm just really, really happy for you." The grin plastered to her face is so wide she has to hide it with her hand.

And Felix smiles back, still red but now betraying some of the building excitement he feels for what's ahead. If there's anyone who truly understands what this means to him, it's Juniper. And in spite of his promise to himself that he would keep his distance from her until he left school, he's glad she knows.

"Will you write?" asks Juniper, "When you can, I mean. I know you'll be busy, I'd just... like to hear about it."

"I'll try," Felix replies noncommittally. Juniper nods as though she understands the reason for his reticence, but she can't possibly. He hopes.

"You're going to be great," she declares simply, and Felix's smile morphs into his customary smirk.

"Of course I am."

Juniper rolls her eyes. "Of course," she agrees, only half mocking.

Rowan calls down from the train, now billowing steam back across the nearly empty platform, and Juniper starts. She sprints toward the train, stopping at the stairs to shoot Felix a final lop-sided grin before climbing into her compartment. The three newly graduated third years wave down to Felix as the train begins to move and he waves back, the lump in his throat surprising him.

The earth-shattering excitement of the last weeks has prevented Felix from really processing that this is it; he's truly leaving Hogwarts forever. He's no longer a student, no longer a child, but a fully-grown wizard about to begin his real life. Felix has spent most of the year picturing this moment with dread, but everything's changed now. The next stage of his life is no longer a black spectre looming ahead of him, but an adventure the likes of which he never thought he'd see. He can feel that tremendous pounding of his heart in his chest that means he's about to attempt something new and dangerous and incredible. Felix lets the familiar sensation wash over him, and he smiles as he takes his first step toward the Three Broomsticks and into his new and unexpected future.

-

A/N: Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this story, I’d love to hear it. If you want more Felix and Juniper, check out the sequel, Necessary Monsters, or view my HPHM Fanfiction Masterpost here.

#Felix #felix rosier #felix x mc #felix rosier x mc #felix rosier x jacob's sibling #juniper windsong #hogwarts mystery mc #hphm #hphm mc #hphm fanfiction #fanfiction #hogwarts mystery fanfic #fanfic #dragons #Dragonology #dragonology 101 #common welsh green #hogwarts mystery

[thenamesseven]

Plot: Every time Changbin closes his eyes bad memories invade him.

Warning: This is pretty angsty! I am so sorry for writing something like this T-T

This was requested by @hwangscorpio! I hope you like it and sorry for taking so long!

Changbin looked up into the grey sky, his hands inside his pockets as he stared up with his mind being absolutely blank. He blinked a couple of times when suddenly, a drop of water landed on his cheek surprising him. A sad yet ironic smile made its way up to his lips as he looked down at you.

“Funny” He said sadly, kneeling down on the ground in front of you “That night was raining too”

Life had its ways to make you suffer.

Changbin had always been the type of person who thought that even in your darkest moments, there was always going to be a small light that would guide you back to the right path but as he stared at you, with his knees on the cold and wet ground, he thought this time he had truly lost himself and nobody would be able to bring him back.

Closing his eyes, Changbin’s body got tense.

Every time he was surrounded by darkness his blank mind would be filled with flashbacks from that fateful night. There weren't too many things he feared but that was something that truly terrified him.

Psychologists say tragic events were usually blocked by the brain or in other cases, if they weren’t, you would just have to get used to live with those traumatic memories. He had also been advised to avoid anything that could trigger his mind to go through what happened that night again but, how could he forget about it? How could he avoid everything? He had lost his entire world in those mere seconds, he was absolutely useless and that's something he will never forget or get used to remember.

“I know" His shaky voice broke the silence "I know I shouldn’t think like this” He said weakly, opening his eyes again to look at you “Please don’t scold me” The sarcastic smile on his face turned into a softer one full of warmth and love.

Changbin took a deep breath and closed his eyes again.

He was trying to come up with the right words to say to you in this weird encounter. He never thought you two would be in this situation but again, live is a bitch who, must hate you two so much to put you through this.

As soon as his vision turned black all Changbin could see was water. His body became rigid and his lungs stopped working for a second. He knew this was just his imagination, that it was his subconsciousness playing tricks on him, making fun of how useless he had been that night.

“(Y/N)”

His voice came out as a really weak yet soft whisper, his eyes blocked and not opening. Changbin’s breathing became quieter, softer as he tried to calm down but he was still surrounded by water and there was nothing that could scared him more than that. He could have been able to calm down if the rain falling onto his body wouldn't make him wet, wouldn’t make his imagination feel so much more real than it was.

“I tried” This time the words came out lower than a whisper. Since he still had his eyes closed, Changbin felt the pressure the water around him was making. That’s why he was scared of opening his mouth or breathing too much, he didn’t want to feel that tasty water in his mouth, he didn’t want it to choke him.

Again.

His hands turned into fists, clutching and almost breaking the white flowers he was holding. “I brought your favorites, I know you love this ugly flowers” He tried to tease you, attempting to light up the mood in the awkward yet extremely tense atmosphere. Debating whether he should open his eyes or not.

If he opened them he would have to look at you and face the horrible reality that life was but if he kept them closed Changbin would still be surrounded by water, by the thing that broke you two apart.

He imagined listening to you whining about how your favorite flowers weren’t ugly, he could almost hear the sound of you giggles through the thick amount of blue water surrounding him but right there, as if live didn't want to give him a break from reality, a flash invaded his mind.

Suddenly he was back in that damn car, arguing and shouting at you while you simply shouted back at him. The rain was hitting the front glass pretty hard, he hadn’t looked at the forecast before asking you out on a date and the storm had caught both of you by surprise on your way back to the dorms.

Changbin groaned, willing to open his eyes but he couldn’t do it just yet. Maybe, since he already knew how the argument was going to end and what was going to happen, he could try to save you so his mind would finally be in peace. Maybe if he caught your hand, if he apologized right before the accident happened, he would be able to sleep by your side every single night again. Maybe if he looked into your eyes one last time he would be able to forgive himself.

The flowers fell onto the earthy ground as his hands gripped the cloth of his jeans.

Changbin tried to shut you up in his imagination, to calm you down so he could explain what was about to happen but you kept shouting and not listening to him.

Before he could do anything, the bright lights of the truck struck both of you. There was the sound of a honk blocking your fearful shouts and then, a strong impact that sent your car straight down a hill and into the lake that was next to the road, with you two inside of it.

A whimper escaped Changbin’s lips when the cold water touched his body.

He leaned forward on his knees, crossing his arms on the ground to rest his forehead against them. He was just trying to remind himself that what he was going through was just a memory and not a real event. He wanted to open his eyes and save himself from drowning so bad but he had to save you, Changbin needed to get you out of that car before you drowned.

When he turned his head he found your unconscious body just sitting there, a small trail of bubbles leaving your lips as the last bit of oxygen you had in your lungs abandoned you. Determined and less panicked, Changbin kicked the front glass with the only intention of breaking it so he could take you out and try to carry you to the surface. It was harder that it seemed though. The glass didn’t break at the first or second kick, it broke when he was about to pass out, when Changbin was almost ready to let go and explore the lake's bottom with you.

But then life gave him a chance and he broke it. With the little strength he had, he managed to wrap an arm around your body and slid the two of you out of the car pushing your bodies up to the surface, he wriggled his free arm, his exhausted legs also moving. Changbin could see the surface getting closer and closer with each second he spent swimming, he was so closed to save you, he was almost there.

Right when he was about to reach it, to push you up so you could finally breathe somebody placed their hand on his shoulder squeezing it, yanking him out of his imagination and making Changbin abruptely open his eyes. He gasped loudly, taking a deep yet sudden breath as his eyes directly landed on your grave, on the stone that had your name on it and was supposed to be you from now on.

“Changbin! God, you scared me so much, you weren’t breathing!” Chan shouted, kneeling down besides him scared, shaking his body gently “Are you okay?” He asked concerned

“No” He whispered staring at your grave, his flowers resting on it “I was about to save her...I was so close...” Changbin broke into sobs, his body shaking as his band members surrounded him to support his friend “I’m so sorry….” He whispered, feeling himself being lifted up and dragged back into the car.

He wasn’t ready to confront reality yet.

"Please! Please (Y/N) forgive me!" He shouted before Felix got inside the van with him, closing the door and blocking his view.

His mind just couldn’t accept that while he had got out of that lake, you had ended up drowning in it.

Changbin closed his eyes again to take deep breaths and calm himself down before he had another panick attack.

But all he could see was simply water.

#kpop fanfiction #stray kids #stray kids chan #stray kids changbin #stray kids fanfic #stray kids felix #stray kids fluff #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids jeongin #stray kids jisung #stray kids minho #stray kids seungmin #stray kids angst #stray kids woojin #changbin angst

[writseo]

Love Victor Preferences | Soulmate AUs

Characters Included: Victor Salazar, Pilar Salazar, Felix Weston, Mia Brooks, Lake Meriwether, Andrew Spencer

AU: The first sentence that your soulmate says to you is tattooed on your wrist

Victor Salazar

Victor’s tattoo: “I am so sorry”

Your tattoo: “It’s okay, it happens a lot more than you would think.”

    After every bump, every accident, every mistake someone else made, Victor would always be hopeful that he would hear the words written on his skin come to life. And more than often, they did. The disappointment that followed after the first incident would start to become a familiar feeling for him. His hope began to break and the tattoo began to prove itself worthless. He’d turn his attention away from it and put it to whatever was happening around him. The words, “I am so sorry,” no longer phased him anymore.

    One day, you decided to visit a specific coffee shop for the first time. You were just supposed to grab a quick bite before walking the rest of the long way to home from school. Your phone was pressed against your ear. The only thing that you heard was the scolding voice of your father’s from the small, electronic rectangle. Before you even realized it, you had bumped into another walking person, hard. It was a boy, close to your age. He had a tray in one hand and (almost empty) cups of coffee, spilled onto the floor. You didn’t even realize the small pinch of liquid that had landed on your shirt.

     “I am so sorry,” you said as you began to panic. You hung up the phone and tried to help pick up the mess that you had caused. Victor felt a small glimpse of hope as he heard your words. But as he recalled his past experiences, he tossed it aside.

       “It’s okay, it happens a lot more than you think it would.”

    As your eyes began to widen, Victor noticed. Only then, his faith began to return to him. He sighed with a smile. You two began talking with each other with disbelief hidden in your voices. You then began to wait in one of the booths, waiting for his shift to finish just so you two can have a real conversation.

Pilar Salazar

~Picture Source~

Pilar’s tattoo: “Your parents actually let you get one?”

Your tattoo: “Something like that.”

       Pilar would constantly be making conversation with people. She would often start off a story about something that she managed to get away with. However, none of them had ever responded with the exact words that were on her skin. After speaking to every person she knew that was in her school, she would get frustrated and start to feel lonely. Pilar grew more irritable and would close herself in her room. Her mother, concerned and worried, would go inside her room and give her a talk that she once had to constantly remember as a younger girl.

     “Look, few kids are able to meet their soulmates at your age. They are out there, somewhere. You will meet them but right now, they might not even be in the state or even in school anymore,” She said as she held her daughter’s hand. Pilar sighed in defeat and had to accept it. She didn’t like it but she knew that it was most likely the reason why you weren’t with her at the moment.

    5 weeks later, you had joined the school. It was your second day of class and the bell hadn’t rung. You were reading a book, slowly tuning in and out of a conversation that was coming from the girls next to you. There were three girls speaking about how one of them had gotten a cartilage piercing.

     “I got one too, but on my tongue,” you heard a new voice chime in. You lifted your head to a girl sitting in a desk in front of them. You couldn’t help but admire how she looked so beautiful, even when all she wore was a T-shirt with some jeans. She stuck her tongue out, showing a small, silver stud placed in the middle of it.

      “Your parent’s actually let you get one?” You asked, amazed by her freedom. She turned her eyes to meet yours.  

       “Something like that,” She responded in a sly manner. You chuckled lightly before the bell rung, earning a small smile from Pilar. However, when she turned her body to face the very front, she began to realize what had just happened. After looking at the space under her hand, she turned around to see you. A clump was lodged in her throat and her heart skipped a beat when you finally took notice. Seeing her wrist being lowered from her sight with her eyes staring at yours, you understood what she was thinking. You looked at your tattoo, butterflies forming in your stomach. Pilar turned back around when she saw your expression, which was a form of shock and excitement, similar to hers.

     The whole time during class, your minds would both wander off. When you should have been thinking about the Revolutionary War, you and Pilar were too busy thinking of what to say to each other after the class would end. As her thoughts were running marathons, you went up to her in the hallway just to say a small “hi” which lead to a small chat. You two walked to your next classes, giggling and blushing like small dorks.

Felix Weston

~Picture Source~

His tattoo: “You look like a pineapple.”

Your tattoo: “How do I look?”

      Felix was always heavily confused when he was staring at his tattoo. He was relieved that it was specific, unlike Victor’s or Mia’s. Even though it would have to call for special circumstances, he couldn’t help but constantly be on alert for the words to come out in that very specific order.

As his feelings for Lake began to grow, so did a certain wish of his. A certain wish that maybe she would have something similar to what he would say. He was careful when they would cross paths, worrying that she might say her first words to him and it would be something completely different. As he would walk past her, he'd try to get a glimpse of her wrist. But it never worked. It was always covered with bracelets. His hope diminished when they were paired with each other during a project. Her first sentence was, “Hello.”

      Felix secretly knew that it wasn’t her yet never wanted to admitted it to himself. But knowing how likely it was that he wouldn't meet you until very later on in life, he still made the best of it. To say that he still pursued after her would be nothing but the truth. Because being with her temporarily was better than not at all, at least in his mind.

    It went smoothly up until the Stoplight party. Felix was dressed from head to toe in yellow attire. As Victor was being taken by the basketball team, Felix was finally left alone. He sighed before slightly looking to the left and seeing Lake. He started to prep himself, running his hand over his hair while smoothing down any wrinkles in his clothing. He turned around and saw you, sipping on a red cup. You stood out as you were the only person who wasn't carried away in an already active conversation.

     "How do I look?" Felix asked you, quickly gaining your attention. He seemed nervous and you couldn't help but notice how adorable his hair was as it was ruffled.

    "You look like a pineapple," you commented before taking another sip. He lightly smiled and looked down at his clothing, seeing if you were right. But then your words suddenly hit him like a train. He looked at his wrist and slowly looked up. You were staring at him, but turned away when you realized. A light blush covered his cheeks. Should he talk to you or let you wait? Felix glanced to where Lake was, only to see her missing.

    So he stayed, and continued a conversation with you. You noticed the strange behavior at the start, wondering if it was really him. As the party grew longer, your suspicions were finally confirmed.  

      It didn’t take long for him to forget about the other girl. You both had instant chemistry and were taken away by the sounds coming out of your mouths. The party had dialed down and there were less people than there was at first. Felix decided to ask you out on a small date, to which you happily obliged to.

Mia Brooks

Mia’s Tattoo: "Hey, are you okay?”

Your Tattoo: “I’m-I’m fine.”

       With a common phrase, Mia was constantly on the lookout whenever she got hurt. When she was shoved to the ground by the other kids or fell because she tripped on her own feet, she would always look around. A part of her had hoped that you would come out, and her life would be changed forever. She had heard the phrase being said a couple of times. But when she would look closer to see their wrist as they would help her up, she would instantly brush off the thought. After it happening several times, she would begin to be extra cautious. Every step on the stairs would be carefully examined. Her shoe laces were always tied so tightly. She was careful of what her foot would land on. A part of her wanted to fall or get hurt, so that maybe, just maybe, she would finally be able to meet you. But a bigger part of her was scared and thought that it wouldn’t matter. That if she somehow bruised herself, you still wouldn’t appear to her. She didn’t want to get her hopes up. So instead of waiting around, Mia let herself invest in relationships, no matter how unsettling it felt.

       However, her reluctance to begin new relationships was mutual.

     You were at school dance with the same person that you had been dating for months. You genuinely believed that they were your soulmate. That every major difference they had with you when it came to your beliefs was just there so you two can grow and mature into better people. But instead, you had found that they faked it. They would apply makeup to their wrist and use the soulmate concept, that was given to them by whoever was in charge, just to manipulate you to be with them. The smudge on their wrist that night was too noticeable, and you were glad that you had investigated before continuing it all.

     You were roaming the dark, empty school halls. Your head was on the verge of exploding that night and you just wanted to clear it up. Your feet would step ahead of another until you spotted the entrance. However, there was a crying girl with her back to the door. You could hear her sniffles grow louder as you walked towards her.

    “Hey, are you okay?” You asked, hoping that she wouldn’t ignore you and walk off.

    “I’m-I’m fine,” Mia let out. You knew it was a lie. Otherwise, why would she be crying? Your eyes turned to your wrist one last time. But instead of paying attention to it, you let it go. Your reasoning being that if it really was your soulmate, it wouldn’t matter where you knew or not. You walked up to her and tried your very best to comfort her.

    Soon, you would find yourself in her bed, her head laying on your shoulder while your hand rubbed her arched back. When she accidentally saw her words on your wrist, she was shocked. Mia sat herself back up, confused as to why you wouldn’t tell her. When you confided in her what had happened that night, she understood. The tables had turned and soon, she was holding you. As both of your trust had been broken by others, the idea to take it slow came up. In fact, it was what the both of you needed the most.

Lake Meriwether

~Picture Source~

Lake’s tattoo: “Come back here!”

Your tattoo: “What did you just say?”

     Lake had always been suspicious of people who would repeat those words. She never really thought it would be a common saying. However, as she began to pay more attention, she started noticing it practically everywhere. She also noticed that the tones would always vary from angry to comforting. The first person that said, she thought they were her soulmate. Before she knew it, Lake was rambling about how nervous and excited she was to finally meet them, only for them to give their own tattoo reveal. She scurried off and closed her mouth instantly.  She could only imagine what circumstances would have to play out so you can say them out loud.

      Lake had already heard around school about a girl who supposedly found her soulmate. But knowing the man already and hearing how they first met, she knew it was all a lie. With how convinced she was that she already had people chasing her, she took a bracelet and ritually used it to cover her skin. Until one day, she and Felix were at the bakery. You were helping bag bread for another customer as they were occupied with the lady that you knew as your boss. Felix suddenly grabbed a box of cake and ran off, telling the blonde to hurry. Before she could even leave the door, you yelled out her magic words.

     “Come back here!” Lake was startled and began to trip on her own feet. Her head instantly turned to face you with furrowed eyebrows.

      “What did you just say?” She asked, before Felix plopped a hand onto her, reminding her of the situation. Lake ran out of the store, leaving you absolutely flabbergasted.

        Reminiscing what had just happened, it was now almost 10. You were 20 minutes away from the end of your shift and you were wiping down the counters. You heard a bell ring, signaling that someone had just entered the store. As you were the only one working that night, you went up to the register, waiting to take their order. Once you looked at the person, you recognized the girl from earlier. It was Lake and you couldn’t help but notice a wad of cash in her hand. She paid you for the cake that they have stolen earlier and then brought up the soulmate tattoos. When you looked back on it, you were shocked. You didn’t know what to say next until she barged in with another sentence.

      “Would you like to, I don’t know, go out sometime?” Her voice picked up towards the end as her eyes wandered elsewhere. You nodded, and said yes.

Andrew Spencer

Andrew’s tattoo: I swear, you are like a lost puppy 

Your tattoo: At least I am not a grape.

    Andrew was confused at first. He had no idea what it could have possibly been referring to. Some nights, he would stay up late just so he can try to piece together what situation he would hear those words in. Would he speak to you first or would you start it? When his friends saw his wrist in the locker room, it would become an inside joke among them. Whenever they wanted to taunt or tease him, they would call him the little lost puppy. Andrew, however, was fine with it. In fact, he even considered changing his Instagram handle to a variation of it. However, once he met Mia, that would soon change. He’d find himself starting to fall for her. Self loathing would soon take over as he already was well aware that their first words didn’t correlate at all. Instead, he used her as reason to forget about his wrist. If he was ever able to, he would try his best to cover up to the best of his abilities.

    You were both at the school dance. Of course, you two weren’t together. At least not yet. In fact, you had decided to go alone with some friends. After looking around the room for a small bit, you noticed a certain tall jock that you had only seen in the halls. As he was staring at Mia from afar, you went up to him.

    “I swear, you are like a lost puppy,” you said, chuckling to yourself. Andrew looked at you and quickly scanned your purple dress.

     “At least I am not a grape,” He quickly turned back to see Mia. You started teasing him on how doped up he was. It didn’t take much for you to get lost in each other’s presence, mocking each other in your clothes, style, anything you two could find about each other. Andrew took a small glance to your wrist, noticing the same words that he had repeated earlier. Then, it hit him. It him like a semi-truck hitting a speedbump placed on the freeway. You didn’t notice but he felt embarrassed. He had been taunted his whole life, spent hours over this, hated himself for it, yet couldn’t even recognize the saying when he heard it from the one person who he needed to hear it from the most. Only when he went silent did you take full notice.

      “What’s wrong?” you asked, which was met with a point to your wrist. You looked at it and noticed his words. You started laughing, seeing the humour in the situation. You didn’t realize it all, no matter how peculiar you always found it. He began to laugh over it as well. Soon, he was holding your phone and typing in his number to your contacts.

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