#okay but this dude is just such a bloke

[pedros-immaculate-vibes]

Gaddamit, Mary, we’re just trying to eat dinner.

#Bg3 #dave jones #halsin #okay but this dude is just such a bloke #And so entertaining #Like

[lithiumfae]

nsfw headcanons | weasley twins, harry, ron and draco.

warning: filth, don’t blame me.

❥ george weasley.

experienced. this man has slept his way through all the houses, he tends to go for hufflepuffs.

he is the type of guy that guides you through it, no teasing.

he seems like the type of guy that’s into oral sex (he prefers receiving). he is also into LOUD sex, he will try his hardest to make his partner scream just to shush her right after.

“keep it down, they’re gonna hear you” said with a straight face.

he likes to be in control without being a don.

i see him as more of an ass man…

he totally goes for tall girls, there’s just something about a woman close to his height that does it for him.

the type to ask “mmm?” with a fake sad face mocking his partner when she moans too loud.

favourite position: doggy.

❥ fred weasley.

also experienced. everyone is aware of this because he WONT shut up about it.

he likes to poke fun if his partner is not savvy enough, jokes, jokes and more jokes.

he’s into short people because that makes it easier to, you guessed it, make fun of them.

this man will ask the nastiest question the human brain could conjugate in front of everyone.

“have you ever done it prone bone?” next is the sound of everyone’s spoons hitting the floor as their mouths hang open.

if the phrase red flag was a person it would be him, but we are all blind i guess. will occasionally go for the girl george finds hot just to prove a point.

boob man 100%

he loves to give oral, he loves how shy girls get when he smiles up at them.

favourite position: standing.

❥ harry potter.

he was a virgin for the longest time and it shows.

he loves making out, sometimes you think he prefers it over sex.

he flushes all the way down to his chest, rosy patches on his pale skin.

he is on the submissive side, he loves being marked.

he asks for hickies. he likes the ones that can be seen.

he prefers taller people too, the type of dude to have a crush on Lady Dimitrescu.

eye contact. he looks at you with his eyes and mouth wide open, he pants and nods his head asking a silent question.

“yes?”

when he’s getting a blowjob he doesn’t know what to do with his hands, he’ll have them in the air clenching and unclenching a fist, trying so hard not to pull your hair.

the type of dude to say thank you lmaooooo

boob man too.

favorite position: cowgirl. DEFINITELY.

❥ ron weasley.

red flag personified part 2.

he’s such a jealous man but he won’t let you know until you’re having sex and you notice he refuses to kiss you.

he likes it rough and fast but he can somehow go for the next round not even 15 minutes after the first one.

stamina?????? hello?????

he likes to finger girls because it allows him to look at their faces and focus on the expressions they make.

he’s definitely shagged half the gryffindor tower but none of the girls brag about it??? he’s lowkey sad about it but also their loss yk what i mean.

sometimes he cries when he cums. it’s a little pathetic but it’s ron so it’s okay.

he gets off by having sex with slytherin girls, his ego loves it.

the type of dude to get into an enemies to lovers kind of deal.

“yeah? aren’t you embarrassed getting fucked by the bloke you hate?”

definitely into humiliation and degradation.

ass man.

favourite position: good old missionary.

❥ draco malfoy.

for all his mean bravado he is actually quite the gentleman.

if anyone out of these 5 men knows where the clit is it would definitely be him.

he likes it rough but not fast.

he is totally a dom but he is definitely not aware he is one, he doesn’t even know that those dynamics have names.

likes to pull girls’ hair to make them focus, he’ll even do it outside the bedroom. if you’re distracted while he’s telling you something at lunch he’ll pull your ponytail.

he is also into giving oral, opposite to fred he does it because HE likes it.

boobs boobs boobs boobs, oh how he loves boobs.

has a weak spot for girls with round faces.

“oh i’m so sorry love, such a pretty face stained with tears” all said with a very soft voice almost as if he was truly sorry.

he likes it wet, wet to the point where it sounds filthy.

favourite position: sideways or spooning.

#harry potter headcanon #harry potter x reader #george weasley x reader #fred weasley x reader #ron weasley x reader #draco malfoy x reader

[eardefenders]

Sherlock & Co - Mailbag Episode 2 Transcript

00:00-00:30 Intro Music

00:27-00:34 *Sounds of a violin playing fade in*

00:34 Sherlock: You see? You see what I mean?

00:37 John: I…don’t.

00:39 Sherlock: Listen! *scoffs* Listen, closely this time. Shh. *resumes playing the bit from the fade in*

00:43 John: Argh. *pause* For God’s sake.

*Sherlock keeps playing*

00:46 John: Sherlock, please mate. We’ve got questions to get through here.

*Sherlock keeps playing*

00:52 John: Maaaate. Matey, mate mate mate mate.

00:55 Sherlock: Did you hear it this time?

00:57 John: Yeah. Sure. Uhh, right. So let’s dive into the discord chat. The brand spanking new discord for Sherlock and Co members. Brimming with Stamfords, Irregulars, and Diogene-sohmy God. There’s thousands of messages. Um, right. Should probably been keeping tabs on those questions. All right I’m going to scroll up and pick one f-from um the sssixteenth of January. Here we go! Come on down…IdleVice! Uh, your question is, “If you could make a Spotify playlist for each other of your own favorite songs, what would some of the highlights be and would you be willing to share the playlists with us. Ooh hoohoho. Uuuhhm. I don’t know if I’d ever get around to actually, y’know, putting the playlist together, as, as such, but what I-I would get Sherlock to listen to. Ummm mmmm probably Elbow? Elbow are a band from the north of England. Uh, Salford I think. But they have, uh, a few strings sort of. I-I don’t know what it’s called-but, elements that involve violins. Um, and all that jazz. Heh. Uh well not jazz! Uh, literally, not jazz. Uh, yeah, Sherlock, what about me?

02:07 Sherlock: Hm?

02:08 John: If you could make a playlist of songs for me what would it be?

02:12 Sherlock: I probably would never do that, Watson.

02:16 John: Okay. Uh, could you expand on that?

02:19 Sherlock: It’s a task that I wouldn’t find that fulfil-Vivaldi.

02:23 John: Uhh, right. Vivaldi. Yep. Anything else pop into mind?

02:29 Sherlock: Pop.

02:31 John: Pop? Is that-what’s that?

02:33 Sherlock: It’s a genre of music.

02:35 John: Uh, right, you’d make a pop playlist for me?

02:38 Sherlock: I’d probably enlist Mrs. Hudson to do that.

02:41 John: Fair enough. And why pop?

02:43 Sherlock: Because it’s an abbreviation for ‘popular music’.

02:45 John: No, I know that.

02:47 Sherlock: You like popular culture, therefore pop music could very well be your cup of green tea.

02:54 John: It’s, it’s just cup of tea. Bu-uh-uh, well, okay, uh, thank you for that. Uh, back to the discord dudes and dudettes. Um, not that I was implying any kind of masculine energy to the use of the word dudes. Dudes will remain, uh, um, an-an-an-androgynous here. My…dudes. Bit like the word mate! I do throw it around. Ummm. Some people just think it’s for blokes. Don’t know why. Uh, anyway. Here we go. Leaf-onk, layff, layfonk? I hope I’m saying that right. Uh, Leif-Leif*onk* asks, ‘Has Sherlock ever hit a vape?”

03:28 Sherlock: Yes.

03:29 John: Lovely. They’d also like to know the flavor.

03:31 Sherlock: Menthol.

03:32 John: D-do you want to expand?

03:35 Sherlock: Mm, not really.

03:37 John: Did you like it?

03:38 Sherlock: It was satisfactory, I suppose.

03:41 John: *sighs* Another thrilling q and a session with the master detective. Here we go! Number one archie fan-He-he-heeyyy! Archie! Found your number one fan mate. Heh. Think they also go by potpourri. Not sure. Don’t really know how discord works because I was born in 1989. Anyway! Number one Archie fan asks, do you have a favorite classical piece? Or a favorite composer, perhaps?

04:05 Sherlock: Mozart, generally. Can often be tied to my mood. What about Vivaldi? You said Vivaldi earlier?

04:12 Sherlock: That was a recommendation to you.

04:14 John: But not you?

04:14 Sherlock: Definitely not.

04:16 John: Great.

04:17 Sherlock: Uh, Mozart, Bach, Tchaikovsky. But I am often driven by whatever phase I feel I’m in.

04:23 John: And we’re in a Mozart phase now, are we?

04:26 Sherlock: We are indeed.

04:27 John: Fab. Right, uh, Reeonk asks-ohkay, ok, I see what you’re doing now. Cause of. Cause of Jonk. Okahaha. Let’s all laugh at Jonk-John, I mean.

04:40 Sherlock: *laughs*

04:41 John (affectionately): Oh, ge-Shut up, you big idiot.

04:44 Sherlock: *still laughing*

04:45 John (affectionately annoyed): Shut it. Ha. Uhhhh, we’ll cut that bit. I swear to God. Right! Reonk, who I think also goes by Perfo, if I click here. But yes, as I was saying, millennial at the wheel. Sorry. Reonk’s first question, “Hey John, if you were an animal, what animal would you be?” Uhhhum, *clicks tongue* look, I’ve got to be something airborne. Um, uh I’m sorry, but I have to. Y-y-you can’t have the chance to fly and turn it down, so, uh, I’m a bird.

05:09 Sherlock: Or a bug.

05:10 John: S-s-sorry?

05:11 Sherlock: Bugs. Insects. They’re airborne. Hm, as is some bacteria.

05:16 John: Great, yeah. Let me just decide between a gnat and a germ.

05:19 Sherlock: By all means. Take your time.

05:21 John: I’m being sarcastic. I’m not a bug and I’m not bloody…germs. I’m. *sighs* I mean it’s too much pressure being an eagle, isn’t it. Um, *clicks tongue three times* I don’t want to be something that’s crap at flying, like a swan or a goose or something. Shoutout to Heather, by the way. Ehhh, aw come on John, come on John. Um. Ooo! Tell you what. Now this is going to sound stupid, but if it was my brain in the animal-

05:47 Sherlock: Yes, this is going to sound stupid.

05:49 John: Shh-sh-shh. Yes, if it was me. In the animal. I’m going pigeon.

05:54 Sherlock: Pigeon?

05:55 John: Pigeon. Ehh? Right, listen, ok. I can still live in the city. I cou-I could even live in my room, really.

06:01 Sherlock: You absolutely cannot.

06:03 John: What? Why not?

06:04 Sherlock: I’m not flatsharing with a bloody pigeon, Watson.

06:06 John: It’s me.

06:07 Sherlock: Yes, in the body of a pigeon.

06:09 John: Listen, let me finish my point. I’m a pigeon. I’ve got my room. I can fly about London, y’know? See all the sites, dive bomb some tourists, do a little poo on the House of Commons. I could nick a bit of decent grub. Yeah, go on walks with Archie and Mariana in the park. And no one is the wiser. If I was an eagle or a, y’know, like an albatross, I couldn’t do that, could I? No? It’d be great flying across town, even take the tube. Saw a pigeon on the tube the other day.

06:39 Sherlock: Yes, you said. Twice.

06:41 John: I could look through people’s windows, you know go in their gardens, on their patios….That makes me sound creepy, doesn’t it? Ah, pigeon! *clears his throat* The answer is pigeon. Second question, “What kitchen appliance would you be?” *clicks tongue twice and sucks air in thorough his teeth* Hm. Not being a microwave. No way, don’t get cleaned enough and, uh, having curries and bloody pizzas blowing up inside me, geezus. Uh, fridge. Maybe. Mmm, but I’d see a lot of rotting food, wouldn’t I? Especially if people are away for a while. Probably go with something fun, y’know something where I come out of the pantry or the, y’know, the cupboard or whatever, and all the family go ‘yaayyy, heyhey here he is!’-Wafflemaker, I’d be a wafflemaker. Everyone loves waffles. No one’s getting board of me. I’m getting cleaned. Perfect. Pigeon and a wafflemaker. Ha! That’s not a bad name for our band, eh Sherlock?

07:32 Sherlock: We’re not making a band.

07:33 John: Yeahhh, it was a joke. Right! It’s biscuit time! Saren says ‘Question for Sherlock: What kind of biscuits are, in your opinion, the best?

07:42: *sound of someone walking away*

07:43 John: Uhh, what’re you doing?

07:44 Sherlock: Answering the question.

07:44 John: Well, that would involve sitting down and talking into the mic.

07:48 Sherlock *sound of papers*: Here.

07:49 John: This…is an essay….on biscuits.

07:52 Sherlock: Yes.

07:54 John: By you.

07:55 Sherlock: Yes.

07:56 John: Okay.

07:58 Sherlock: Well, read it. My findings are in there.

08:01 John: Whaaa…it’s thirty-nine pages long.

08:03 Sherlock: Indeed.

08:04 John: Thi-this is supposed to be a snappy question and answer segment. Y’know it’s supposed to be a patreon reward, not a bloody punishment. *sarcastically* ‘Aww thanks for giving six quid everybody, here’s an eleven hour lecture on biscuits.’

08:15 Sherlock: They asked the question.

08:16 John: Right, ok. So, uh, he was eating a lot of custard creams the other day. Um, for those of you who aren’t British, uh, a custard cream is, uh, a sort of sandwich structured biscuit, wouldn’t’cha say?

08:26 Sherlock: Correct. Yes. A sandwich in structure. Two light shortbread pieces acting as the bread. Often stamped with a Victorian inspired Baroque design. And the filling was once a buttercream, but now is a custard flavored cream based on vanilla custard. Not egg custard.

08:43 John: Right, yeah. It’s, it’s that. Um, they’re nice. They are nice. Very moreish. Um, Ellionk, or Ellie, I think, when they’re not ‘Onk’ified, want’s to know ‘Favorite Supermarket: Tesco or Sainsbury’s?’ Um, well, both have gone downhill in recent years, I have to say. So, I’m going to go for neither and say co-op. Yeah, cause every now and again you find a really really good one. But if I’m in fantasy land, it’s M&S Foods or Waitrose. *clicks tongue* Yeah. Uh, there’s a chemistry question here from Ranger Pip which I don’t even begin to understand, so I’m going to move on. Sorry, Ranger Pip.

09:18 John (cont.): Right, last one! ‘Question for possibly John or Sherlock, not sure, lol. What is the story behind the theme tune. Just have to say whoever composed it, the musicians need an award and a shoutout on the podcast.’ Uh, yeah, well it’s a great theme tune, isn’t it? It really is. It’s called ‘Mad Prodigy’. *clears his throat pointedly*

09:39 Sherlock: Why are you making that noise?

09:41 John: Ah well, just saying mate.

09:43 Sherlock: I’m not mad. Or a prodigy.

09:46 John: Hey, uh, I-I’m not saying anything. Um, yeah, it’s it’s by a guy called Jody Jenkins. Uhhh, the reason why I don’t release it like some people asked me to is because it’s owned by a royalty free site. Um, *clicks tongue* the reason why Jody Jenkins doesn’t release it, is the same reason. I-it’s owned by a royalty free site. Uh, that’s generally how they work. I-I pay a fee. Well. Goalhanger pay a fee, use the track, and it belongs too…yeah. Audio Network. Um, I think he’s fab, yeah. But as far as crediting him out loud on the podcast, um, some artists don’t want royalty free work assigned to them. Um, they just do it for a paycheck. Some do. I don’t know him obviously and of course, I-I could piss off the company that actually owns the audio if I just mention him and uh, not-

10:34: *phone vibrates*

10:36 John: Message from Mariana. ‘You’re waffling. These people are paying us their hard earned money.’ Right! Soundproofing in these old houses aren’t what they used to be, are they? Um, *clicks tongue* yeah that’s the reason songwise. Nothing for or against Jody Jenkins. I’m just playing it safe cause these things s-scare me. *chuckles* Corporations and blech, yeah. Uh, horrible stuff.

10:54: *phone vibrates*

10:55 John: Um, message from Mariana. Right, yeah, I’m gonna wrap this up. Uh, thanks for your questions my lovely friends, we’ll be back soon. And, now to play us out, the one and only, Sherlock Holmes.

11:08 Sherlock: What?

11:08 John: Play! Play a song!

11:10 Sherlock *pleased*: Oh. Excellent! Uh, okay. Here we go!

11:14: *violin playing starts up*

11:17 John: Bye bye guys!

11:32: *sherlock’s violin playing cuts into Mad Prodigy

11:32-12:02 *Mad Prodigy carries us out to the end*

#sherlock & co #sherlock and co #sherlock holmes #john watson #johnlock #transcripts #transcript #mine #mailbag 2 #sorry for the delay on this #month ends are always a bit busy for me #also once I figure out what sherlock is playing at the end I'll fix this to reflect it

[jimblejamblewritings]

the fake date plot | part 1.

Summary: Gryffindors, seventh years, classmates, unrequited love. Just a few things Y/N and James Potter had in common. When a brilliantly dumb plan is hatched the two end up getting something a little different than what they wanted.

Author's Note: Hello! Yes, I'm here with a wip before finishing my other stuff. The James girlies have led me down a rabbit hole and some of the cutest stories are in the James tag. So before you read this, please read: If I Kiss You, I'm Sorry by @astonishment which is what inspired this fic.

Warnings for the Series: literally none that I can think of this is supposed to be just good fluffy fun

Pairing: James Potter x reader

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N II: I literally use whatever gif comes up when I type in 'James Potter' but imagine your own fancasts and I might switch up every now and then

Series Masterlist

“Prongs, there’s some owl at the window,” Remus said as he exited the kitchen. 

James lifted his head, trying not to disturb Peter who was using his chest as a headboard while he tried to solve the Rubik’s Cube Remus had bought him for his birthday. It was summer and naturally, as someone going into his last year of school when break ended, James threw a party at his house.

His parents were going to be on business trips most of the summer. The party was a major success. Only the marauders, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, and Mary were still there. They had all planned on staying, already having their trunks there. School was in two days. 

James hopped up from where he was on the floor, cleaning the smudge of his glasses. “Oh, that must be Elton.” 

“Elton?” Peter asked. 

“Y/N’s bird. She really likes Elton John’s music. He’s some muggle singer. Moony knows, the Crocodile Rock dude.” 

James left the rest of his friends in the living room to ask how he even knew you while he got your letter. He dug around the fridge to give Elton two blackberries as a thank you. James opened your letter in the kitchen before going back to his friends, in case your letter had confidential information in it.

He hid the smirk on his face behind the letter when he saw his friends’ expressions. They totally bought it and they would buy it even more when he saw you on the Hogwarts Express in two days. You and James came up with the best fake date plot known to man last school year: 

It was the Yule Ball. Hogwarts kept the name even though you didn’t have Triwizard Tournaments every year. The students like that. It was always fun to go to a ball. It was also nerve wracking. Everyone was trying to get a date or they’d risk being talked about for a century. James was failing at asking Lily out and you were failing at avoiding a few boys that wanted to ask you out. None of them were the guy you wanted to ask you out. 

Even when you got to the ball, boys were still trying to ask you to dance. You grabbed a cup of punch and excused yourself. You walked further away from the Great Hall and to a small corridor. A dark figure made you stop for a moment before continuing on your path. A sniffle made you stop completely. 

“Are you okay?” 

James jumped. Wiping at his eyes, he looked over at you. James stuttered through lies before giving up and turning the other way to lean his back against the windowsill. He took a sip of the drink he had in his hand and looked over at you. 

“She can't even spare a dance with me. I thought everything was going well this year.” 

You gave a dry laugh. “I totally know the feeling.” 

James raised an eyebrow. He patted the space next to him and went to join him at the windowsill. The two of you clinked glasses and downed the rest of your drinks. James disappeared the cups. 

“So which bloke did you want to dance with?” 

“Oh, I don’t really think that’s important.” 

“Nope, Y/N. It is totally important. I’ve poured my heart out to you, it’s just not right to be the only one.” 

“Fine. Xenophilius… Don’t laugh.” 

“I’m not laughing. Him? Really?” 

“I know he’s snogged a lot of people but h—” 

“Love, he’s shagged nearly all of Ravenclaw. The only long term relationship he’s ever been in was Pandora.” 

“But they lasted all of fifth year plus the Ministry added eighth year so there’s still time to see him a lot.” 

“Ugh, don’t remind me about eighth year.” 

The Ministry was very concerned with the amount of Hogwarts graduates getting married and having children right after leaving school. Especially when a good chunk of them died either fighting for Voldemort or against Voldemort. Adding an extra school year was a way to try and quell that phenomenon. As someone so close to graduating, you hated it at first. It became only a minor annoyance when you realized the Ministry probably wouldn’t be changing their minds until Voldemort was defeated. 

James shrugged his shoulders. “So what’s your plan exactly? Pine after Xeno all of next year and then when eighth year comes around hope he stops hooking up in Gryffindor locker rooms long enough to realize you’re perfect for him?” 

“He hooks up in Gryffindor locker rooms?” you asked with slightly widened eyes. 

“Unfortunately. Our rooms are closest to the pitch, easier to sneak in and out during games.” 

“Do you really think I’m perfect for him?” 

“Y/N,” James said with a roll of his eyes. “I haven’t sat next to you in Potions every class since first year to not know that if Xeno took just a week off from trying to fuck everything with a pulse he’d know you are one of the nicest and cutest girls he’s ever going to get. You’re wicked smart too which is up his alley… I still don’t understand how he still gets the grades he does.” 

“Thanks, James. For what it’s worth, I think Lily is missing out on a very observant and handsome and sweet guy even if your pranks go a little too far sometimes.” 

“Well, we only save those for people that like to pick on those smaller than them.” 

“I know.” 

“Do you feel like going back to the ball? Because I don’t.” 

“Not really.” 

James held out his arm. “Shall we make our way to Gryffindor, my lady.” 

“We shall, good sir.” 

You and James skipped through the halls until you made it back to Gryffindor tower. You ended up following him up to his dorm which you had never seen before. Despite being assigned class partners since you two were eleven, you weren’t exactly friends with James Potter. Just acquaintances was what you were. 

The marauders’ dorm was nice. The first thing you noticed was the fact that they reconfigured their beds. Almost every bed was laying horizontal and flush against the wall, like a bed turned couch. And the wardrobes were also flush against the wall either at the head or foot of the beds, whichever allowed all the beds to see each other. You’d have to proposition your roommates about doing that. It made the space so much wider and seemed to give everyone a personal area. 

James led you to his bed area with a blue rug in front of it. You took off your shoes and set them neatly next to his, noting how he was very organized about his shoes being lined up underneath the bed. James moved to the wardrobe at the foot of his bed. His hand dug through the shelves for his pajamas. 

“Do you want something to change into?” 

You took some of his clothes with a thanks and went into the bathroom to wash and get changed. You and James were going to open the firewhiskey in Sirius’ trunk and vent to each other while getting progressively drunker. James started to make himself a little cot on the floor while you took a shower. Something told him that you two would probably stay up late and potentially fall asleep. He already decided that you were getting the bed. 

You laid down on the bed and ate some fizzing whizbees while waiting for James to finish showering. You shot up when James practically broke his own door. His hair was still wet and his clothes looked very disheveled on him. 

“I have a plan so dumb it might work on luck alone,” he said as he shook your shoulders. 

“I’m listening.” 

“Go out with me.” 

You laughed. “James, are you already drunk?” 

“Just a bit tipsy. But listen to me. You want Xenophilius, I want Lily but neither of them seem to really notice us. So let’s make them notice.” 

“You want to make them jealous?” 

“Well, I don’t know if they’ll be jealous but I want to make them feel something. Don’t you think they would at least be curious about why we suddenly stopped pinning over them? They’d at least talk to us more, I just know it.” 

“Okay, one problem. You scream through the corridors about how much you love Lily. I think only my friends know that I like him and one of those friends is Lily.” 

“You two are friends?” 

“Well, we’re roommates, one of the few Gryffindor dorms with five girls. I’m really just friends with Dorcas and Alice when she’s not holed up in Hufflepuff.” 

“I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but you’re gonna have to do something embarrassing.” 

And that was how you found yourself waiting outside Ravenclaw’s locker room before the big quidditch match on the last day of first semester. If anyone talks, it’s going to be quidditch players. They chuckled a bit while you waited for Xenophilius to come outside, some even going back in to tell him that you were there. 

He finally left the dressing room after what seemed like forever and stood right in front of you. Reluctantly, you gave him a small gift and wished him luck before scurrying to find your roommates in the stands. You didn’t think it would take very long for the gossip to spread. What you didn’t expect was for you to get the label of a lovesick puppy. That was worse than what they called James. You told him such over winter break. 

The two of you were at his house for the entirety of the break, teaching each other all about yourselves and finishing the plot. You two wouldn’t start fake-dating until the start of seventh year, on the Hogwarts Express to be exact… with James doing a big gesture that was entirely his idea. He was super invested in making it believable. If it wasn’t believable then there was no point. 

James handed over your letter to Peter who was still next to him. “Y/N says hi and she’s sorry she couldn’t make it to the party.” 

“Since when were you talking to our roommate?” Marlene asked. 

“Since I’ve sat next to her everyday in Potions and Transfiguration since we were first years.” 

“You’ve been assigned that long?” 

“Yeah,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “Minnie and Slughorn never switched us. I should probably write something back to her.” 

The only thing in James’ letter was that he thinks the plan might work. Everyone perked up at the notion of you two being secret friends so maybe fake-dating would work after all. You threw the letter into your trunk and headed to Platform 9 and ¾. You went to find Alice who would hopefully be alone or with her other Hufflepuff friends. 

That was what James wanted anyway. He came in about halfway through the train ride when you were in the middle of talking with your friends. James sheepishly held up a sweater and tapped on the window. Alice nodded for him to come in. The girl was shocked when he immediately turned to you. 

“Bug?” 

“Yes, Prongs?” 

“Do you remember last year when you said you sew? Do you think you can mend this?” 

“It’s not even autumn yet. Why do you need the jumper now?” 

“I just thought I’d forget unless I said it right at this moment.” 

You rolled your eyes but looked for a sewing kit in your trunk. Setting it on the bench, you grabbed the sweater and gently pushed him out of the room. 

“Why am I friends with you?” 

“Because you love me.” 

“Goodbye, James Potter.” 

“Bye, Bug. Thank you.” 

You sat back down and dug through your sewing kit before muttering that you didn’t have navy blue thread and would try to find some. You had already known that you didn’t have the correct color thread. But a certain Ravenclaw probably did. Your hand shook a bit as you closed the door to your compartment: 

“What are Xeno’s hobbies?” James asked when you two took a break to hang out at the pool in his backyard when you arrived early in the summer. 

“I don’t know.” 

“That’s a load of bull. I know Lily’s favorite gemstone is carnelian because it matches her hair. So what’s one of the man's hobbies?” 

“He likes to sew.” 

“Oh this is brilliant.” 

You knocked on the door of the train compartment that Xenophilius, his friends, and the new girl he was with for the start of school. He and his friends smiled at seeing you and let you in. You held up the sweater. 

“Do any of you have navy blue thread? I’m trying to mend a jumper.” 

Xeno summoned the spool of thread from out of his trunk. He held it up in his hand until you came in to receive it. His hold lingered on yours. 

“You like to sew?” 

You shrugged. “It’s more of a hobby. I’ve only ever done stuff for myself until now.” 

“Is that for your mum? My first gift to someone else was for my parents.” 

“No, James Potter. The idiot can’t mend a simple hole in a sweater. Thank you for the thread, I’ll return it before dinner.” 

You smiled a little as you walked back to your compartment. Xenophilius’ smile had twitched a bit when you mentioned James’ name. Maybe his plan might work. Your friends had clearly been gossiping about you when you were gone. There was no doubt that the Ravenclaws were gossiping about you when you left. And because James insisted that you give him his sweater once everyone got into the Great Hall, you were sure other people were bound to gossip. 

James ignored the other marauders when they got back to their dorms. He’d tell his friends the truth eventually but it was necessary they also believe the lie for at least a month or two. You and him were supposed to be close friends for the first month. If Lily or Xenophilius didn’t make a move from that alone then you would start fake-dating. It was a foolproof idea really.

(part 2)

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

@venomsvl @peaches-n-sunscreen @summerellaz @supernaturallover2002 @sambucky8 @9daykrisr @thebitchinleo @23victoria @scarlets-widow @pagetpagetpagetpaget @lovexnatasha @awesomebooklover17 @1234-angelika @imatrisk @blackreaderatrisk @princess-jules47 @alexloveskili @a-marie-a @siriuslysirius1107​ @i-have-no-life-charlie

#james potter x reader #james potter x black!reader #hogwarts #james potter x reader fic #james potter x y/n #james potter x you #james potter fic #marauders imagines #marauders fic #marauders era #james potter fluff #marauders fluff

[slut4sugu]

— MY ‘LIL STAR

Spider punk x rockstar!Black Fem reader

Including: British slang (ill do my best!), slight cursing, flirty hobie, pet names: (pretty, star, doll,dolly), slight suggestiveness

Summary:You were preforming one day, and happened to catch the attention of wandering eyes. Hobies eyes </3

🎸: 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐭. 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐚 𝐃𝐞𝐥 𝐑𝐞𝐲

You’ve hung out with a lot of weird ‘blokes’ as Hobie would say but, he’s one to talk since he’s one of the weirdest (HOTTESTTT ASF) though you think his look on the world is quite interesting, and confusing at the same time. But nevertheless you find yourself feeling as though you could tell him anything, which is how he feels about you. Which surprised himself because for the longest time he tried to find out what is was about you that made him wanna stare at your face talking about different guitars you used to play as a kid for hours on end. Then it clicked, your love and appreciation for music. When you first told him that you were in a band he already knew. He saw a villain lurking around the venue you had apparently rented out and got distracted by your voice that he almost forgot about the building wrecking villain. Who he quickly dealt with since he wanted to hear your angelic voice, ( it was all he could think about during the fight).

He stayed a bit after the show to see how you spoke with your fans, and..no surprise you were an absolute sweetheart. You spotted him in a dark corner and got slightly excited to see the spider at one of your shows, after you said your goodbyes you quickly made your way over to him as to not get spotted by any more fans. “Soo how was I? I’m hoping it was somewhat good since thats atleast 4 minutes that you could’ve been using to save someone.” Your heart fluttered at his chuckle, “It was good, I like your style dolly. ‘Suits you.” You smiled, trying to distract yourself from how weirdly attractive it was to see the spider leaning up against a corner of a wall. “Thanks, and thanks for coming out. Hope I’ll get to see you at my next show, but make sure you don’t get distracted while getting rid of a villain or whatever the hell those things are.” He hums at your comment, his eyes locked on your pretty ones. Hobies spider sense starts to tingle slightly, “Sum blokes looking for you-Widow?” Your heart flutters at the way he says your stage name, “Oh yeah, thats just my preforming name. It’s actually y/n.” You say sweetly, your black acrylics fiddling with the chain on your shorts. “Widow get your ass in here!” You roll your eyes, quickly pulling out a pen that was tucked between your waist and the clothing of your jean shorts. You gestured for his forearm, and wrote your number on it. ‘Pretty n a singer damn.’ Hobie took note of the cute heart you left behind the series of numbers.

This was your fit btw

You capped the pen, looking behind you to see your manger still looking. You groaned, “Fuckin pest.” You muttered beneath your breath, earning a snicker from the spider. You turned back to him, with a sigh but a smile. “Call me okay? Wanna let you know when I have another show.” You stated, giving him a wink and a wave before you left to deal with your annoying manager. After that day, you would try and find the spider around town. Which hardly ever worked, but you were equally busy with practice and vocal training. Though you had to admit you did miss the spiders company and you were hoping to see him to give him backstage passes to your show.

Late one night on the balcony of your penthouse, you laid on your plush couch playing your electric guitar. Bored and thinking of Hobie you started to play a tune absent minded, not sensing that he was behind you listening and watching your pretty fingers work the instrument. “Aren’t you just full of surprises.” You jumped, turning around to see the masked spider. “Jesus dude, your gonna give a bitch a heart attack.” You almost dropped your guitar because of his sudden presence. “Sorry doll, was just swinging by the see how the lil star was.” He explained, walking around and sitting down in the chair in front of you. Leaving his own guitar leaned up against it. You noticed this and looked at him curiously, “You play too?” He hummed in response, before manspreading in the chair. You smiled softly, looking over his figure before seeing a cut stretch across his forearm. “My god are you okay?” You asked, getting up and going around your small glass table to get a better look at his wound. “Don’t worry doc I’m fine.” You gave him a look, “Yeah no, I’m fine my ass. Stay here don’t move I’ll be right back.” You rush inside to get your med kit, not feeling hobies eyes wander down to your ass and hips as you left.

Once you returned, you had a med kit clutched in your hand. You set it down on the glass table, opening the case you pulled out some peroxide and bandages. “This might hurt a little, sorry if it does.” You say softly, looking at the eyes of the mask as if asking if he’s okay. “I’m fine pretty, go ahead do your thing.” That same flutter you felt the first time you met him you felt again, your actions becoming more hesitant and nervous as it felt as though he was watching intently. You tried to ignore it as you doused a big cotton ball with peroxide, slowly dabbing it on his wound. Causing him to hiss, letting out a groan, “Fuck..that some strong stuff you got dolly.” Your heart stopped as you tried to ignore how hot it was to hear him curse, throwing the now used cotton ball in the trash can and wrapping his wound up and sealing it. “That looks a lot better, sorry if it hurt too bad.” He shook his head, “Nah it wasn’t that bad, could use a kiss though.” You rolled your eyes shoved his shoulder. “You would like that wouldn’t you?” You giggled, as you turned around walking away to put the stuff back up. Your hips swaying, which slowly started to make Hobie loose his mind a little. “What you wouldn’t star?” He asked, sounding closer than usual, which made sense as he was right behind you.

“Haven’t thought of kissing me once? Hm?”

Part two?

#🎸.𝐀 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐎 𝐁𝐘 𝐊𝐀𝐌 #atsv fluff #atsv x you #atsv x black reader #hobie x y/n #hobie headcanons #astv hobie #hobie x reader #hobie x fem!reader #hobie x black!reader #hobie brown x fem!reader #hobie brown x black!reader #atsv hobie #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown fluff #hobie brown imagine #hobie brown x y/n #atsv x black!reader

[nomoreusername]

Next Time Then

Paring:Newt x female reader

Summary:After standing up up for Newt, he visits you in the slammer.

If you ask me it wasn't even my fault. Unfortunately, nobody bothered to ask. I don't know what they wanted me to do. The dude was being a slinthead so I beat a little sense into him. It serves him right. Maybe now he'll  have some common decency in his life. No one else saw it that way so I'm spending the night in the slammer with no dinner.

"Six thousand and seventy eight, six thousand and seventy nine."

"You alright there love? You sound like you're losin' it already?"Newt asked.

"When'd you get here?"I asked, sitting up.

"Just a minute ago. I wanted to see how long ya'd really go on for,"He shrugged.

"I was trying to count how many stars I could see. I got bored,"I explained.

"You could have just slept,"He suggested.

"No. I didn't want to do that either,"I replied.

"What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't Mr.second-in-command be sleeping with the others?"I teased.

"I hate when ya' call me that,"He complained.

"No you don't. Now what are you doing here? Hate to inform you of this, but this place isn't much."

He looked down at me through the make shift bars.

"I figured you'd get hungry eventually,"He said, tossing me a piece of bread. I successfully caught it like the athlete I am.

"This is why I love you."

"Because I brought ya' bread?"He asked, amused.

"No. Because you were kind enough to bring it. Also you're doing exactly what you're not supposed to be doing right now. You're just full of surprises,"I admitted, looking up at the sky. They were sparkling more than I'd seen than I'd seen them before. It could also be the fact that everything seems better and brighter when he's around.

"So are you apparently. Why'd you beat up poor Jack? The poor blokes nose was broken,"He asked.

"He was being a shuckface,"I responded nonchalantly.

"That's not a very good answer. Lots of people are shuckfaces, but ya' normally don't punch them,"He pointed out.

"He was talking bad about you,"I admitted sheepishly. That was the one thought could set me off. He was to good to be talked about negativity.

"Y/N, I don't want you to be in the slammer. I'd rather have you out here with me,"He said softly.

"I'll work on it,"I said to get a reaction.

"Y/N,"He sighed but I could still hear a grin behind it. "Next time just think about me tellin' you off for not being out here with me. I'm sure that'll stick in your mind."

"What if it's really rude?"I asked, waiting for his next words.

"Y/N,"He started.

"Just kidding. You know you're the only one I'll occasionally listen to."

"You're lucky I love you,"He sighed, sounding so done with my attitude but flustered at the same time. It was adorable that after all this time he still turned red around me.

"I know I am Newt. I'm the luckiest girl in the Glade."

"You're the only girl in the Glade,"He reminded me.

"You have to ruin everything don't you? The one time I'm nice and this is the thanks I get,"I huffed pretending to be offended.

"You're nice to me all the time,"He replied.

"Shh. I have a reputation to keep."

"Y/N-"

"Shh, can you hear it? Y/N, the girl who'll break your nose. Has a nice ring to it don't you think?"I asked innocently.

"You know what I think?"He asked.

"What exactly do you think Newton?"

"I think you need to go to bed before you get any more ideas in that head of yours."

"What if I have a completely different idea?"I asked.

"Then, I don't think it'd be a very smart one."

"What if the idea involves you?"I asked, grinning.

"Then, I'd be scared for my life,"He joked.

"What if it involves you, me, and you breaking me out of here?"I suggested. Even from down here I knew he was rolling his eyes.

"Goodnight Y/N,"He told me, getting up to go.

"Okay, next time then,"I yelled.

"There better not be a bloody next time!"

There was in fact a next time.

#newt x y/n #newt x reader #the maze runner #one shot #tmr #fluff #pure fluff

[creepycrawliesanonymous]

To All The Boys I've Written About Before - Beige Flags

In my never-ending quest to make things that appeal only to me, here's a little exercise for all the boys in my arsenal.

Angel Torres will always help you out around the house, no question about that, but boy will he act like he's a hero for simply loading the dishwasher. I'm talking wiping his brow every time you walk into the kitchen, grunting when he puts a plate on the drying rack. You offer to help but he flat out refuses, and will probably say some shit like "My hands look like this [soapy] so yours can look like that [slightly dirty from repotting your plants]."

Jesse Pinkman will call you "dude" until the end of time. It doesn't matter what stage of your relationship you are currently in, you will always and forever be "dude" to him. "Yo dude, do you want to grab Wendy's on the way home?""Dude, you look pretty today." You could be at the alter and it would be a "Dude, I do." He also 100% buys in to the "glasses make you smarter" myth.

Lemon bought himself a label-maker, and that man LOVES makin' labels. All the drawers in your flat are labeled, so are the spices (even if they already have labels), he labels which food belongs to who, all the wires/cables have a label for what kind of wire/cable they are and what they're for. You told him that you could probably remember which clear jar holds the salt and which holds the ginger-snaps, so he made the label "fuck off" and stuck it to your forehead.

Tangerine refuses to call menu items by their proper names, especially if they're stupid. A matcha latte is "green foamy shit, you know." If the dish is named after someone, this chicken shop you frequent has an Ike's Famous Wings Bowl, he will call it "that bloke's chicken thing, the one with all the spices and shit on it." The worst was when he wanted to order the Foxx on the Roxx Boxx from TGI Fridays (yes that's the spelling, I looked it up), he straight up would not say its name, he just kept pointing at the menu and saying "fucking- this one."

Harvey SDV, sweet man that he is, will always sign off his text messages. It doesn't matter how long or short the message is. There's the standard "darling, I'm running a little bit late, would you like me to pick up something for dinner? Dr H" but there's also the "okay honey (: Dr H" or the "[insert picture of flower] Dr H". You've tried to explain to him that you know that it's him, that he doesn't need to sign off every time he messages you, but it's no use.

Andrew Neiman loves to collect random bits of niche trivia, but will straight up forget incredibly basic things. You two were out at a live music venue, sipping on your tasty little beverages, and he'll just bust out something about the similarities between jazz and Indian music, and while he's expanding on the influence of Ravi Shankar on Coltrane, he'll flip through the menu in front of him and ask you what margarine is.

Carmen Berzatto, common knowledge at this point, always keeps a book on him, which on its own is a very good thing. It keeps him from getting bored, you think it makes him look smart, it's a win by all accounts. But, save for when he's at work, he will whip that book out whenever there's any sort of lull in a conversation or if he's not physically doing something. You were talking to him about weekend plans, and he'll be listening intently because he's a good boyfriend who cares about your thoughts, but as soon as you go quiet to turn around to grab something he's flipping open his copy of The Reivers to quickly read a sentence.

Randal Graves loves to fake propose at restaurants for free shit. He makes a big thing out of it, will pull you aside before you enter Olive Garden and show you the tiny plastic ring he's used about three times already and whisper about the ruse he's about to pull, and all you can do is nod along with him. He's gotten more elaborate each time, from the basic garden-variety proposal, to putting it in your water, to asking to have it put in your Chipotle burrito (you had nearly swallowed it that time), managing to score a few free desserts and, at one point, a bottle of cheapo champagne that he got so incredibly slurshed on at home.

Warren Rojas has this game he likes to play whenever you two go to bars or nightclubs where he will pretend like you two don't know each other just so he can hit on you in the most cheesy ways known to man. Asking to buy you a drink, dumb pick-up lines, saying shit like "My name is Warren, but you can call me anytime." It's so incredibly dumb and he gets the biggest kick out of it. One time when you and Eddie were having a conversation at a party he totally pulled out the "Is this guy bothering you, babe?" He thinks he's so funny.

Jimmy Bartlett, whenever you two are cuddling, will set a timer so he knows when to switch from big spoon to little spoon. He'll bring up the egg timer from the kitchen and set it to 20 minutes before he joins you on his bed. You'll be half asleep after a long shift from work with his head buried in the back of your neck, and the next thing you know he's shuffling around while tiny beeps are sounding and he's somehow got your arms around him before you even realize what's happening, before drifting off again. He says it's only fair.

Miguel O'Hara is like a big dog with the temperament of a house cat; thinks he takes up less space than he does and always at least slightly grumpy. He'll get confused when he goes to put on a sweater that was originally yours (the communal wardrobe holds no prisoners) and finds it tight around his biceps. He knocks his forehead on low doorways constantly, you've taken to shouting 'duck' whenever you see him about to go through one. Watching movies on the couch with him, during a rare moment of peace, can be an ordeal because he always wants to lie down on top of you and you don't have the heart to tell him that he's crushing your lungs.

#angel torres x reader #jesse pinkman x reader #lemon x reader #tangerine x reader #harvey sdv x reader #andrew neiman x reader #carmen berzatto x reader #randal graves x reader #warren rojas x reader #jimmy bartlett x reader #miguel o’hara x reader #the gang's all here #multifandom preferences

[shotbyacowboy]

oh to be 2 blokes who do fuck all.

transcript under th cut cuz my alt text is always a mess when i do comic style things i feel

(rodrick and ward from diary of a wimpy kid in a cd store) R: dude are you seriously making me do this

W: you said youd listen to my music this time R: i know but cmon. insane clown posse?

R: so youre a fully commited juggalo huh? W: not yet. R: i dont see why I couldnt just borrow your CDs, dude

(exiting a store thats labelled 'music & electronics) W: i wanted to make it an event R: what youre sick of sitting around in my bedroom? W: nahh never W: im making you buy faygo too by the way

W: i dont know how you sit through 10 minute songs with no snacks R: appreciation of the art W: appreciation of the fart. lol R: lol

(in a supermarket buying snacks) W: i dont know if i can sit there and listen to hour long songs named like 'the womb of eternal darkness' without a little treat anymore (R, in the border: theyre not an HOUR) R: emptiness. and dont act like you didnt enjoy Georg Börner's epic guitar

W: and youll enjoy Insane clown posse. theyre classic R: well ive already commited

W: thats the spirit

(sitting in Rodrick's room. bugz on my nutz playing over a cd player) R: okay. I get it now

#my alt text is always a mess period. but im trying hi hello #anyway. said this as if i am not a bloke who does fuck all..... king of doing fuck all... #doawk #diary of a wimpy kid #rodrick heffley #ward doawk #drawing #art #digital art #wolfgangs wonderful work #can NOT take me anywhere i need to decide someone is a juggalo for every bit of media ever. as i am not one and need to live #through the creatures i invent in my brain. yes ward has been in the books for like 15 pages total but also i know him #hes like a brother to me. similiarly to the overwatch monkie winstn

[hop-a-lot]

heres the scenario ;3

--

Jonah wasn't supposed to be at Sawmill that day. Hell, he was supposed to be in Australia with Mr. Hale, and yet here he is. Dying from bullets wound. Scout didn't even realize that it was his brother at first when he had fired the shots.

He drops the force-a-nature, sprinting to Jonah's side and drags him to the sideline, screaming for Medic.

"Jonah-- Jonah, you'll be okay-- come on, dude! Ma's waitin' at home for ya!" Scout pleads, ripping open his duffel bag and trying to stop the bleeding. Silently begging Medic to hurry up.

"...Jeremy... did you... frickin' shoot me?" Jonah's unsteady gaze turns to his brother. Speaking taking a lot of effort for his older brother.

"I- It- It was an accident, I- I didn't know it was you..." Scout takes a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry! Please, just, don't die on me, okay?! That crap ain't cool!"

"...no promises." Jonah doesn't even seem angry. "Your aim's... gotten better... than it was when... we were kids."

"Sh-Shut up! It's always been good." Scout protests. His hands are warm, and he looks down to see the blood has soaked through the gauze.

"Jeremy." Jonah's voice is so calm. It's starting to scare Scout. "It's okay."

"What-?" Scout looks at his older brother in horror. "It ain't okay! I don't wantcha leavin' like Wes an' Henry... Please-- Jonah, please--" Scout begs, grabbing his brother's hand. Jonah smiles at him, bloodstains on his teeth.

"Tell Ma... I won't be... home for dinner."

A shadow takes Scout's gaze off his brother, and he looks up to see Spy standing over them both, a hollow look on his face.

"Help him." Scout whispers. Spy just shakes his head.

"I cannot help a dead man." Is the only thing Spy says. Turning his attention back to Jonah, Scout's suddenly aware his brother isn't breathing. There's no life behind his coffee-brown eyes, and when Scout loosens his grip on Jonah's hand, it limply slides out and hits the ground with a thud.

Jonah's dead.

Whatever happened next was a blur.

Someone grabbed Scout, tearing him away from his brother's body. Calls of retreat, and then everything goes black and Scout welcomes sleep.

"...oh! He's waking up." Medic's voice sounds fuzzy and distant.

"Mate. You in there?" Sniper's voice asks, and Scout opens his eyes. His vision is blurry, but he can make out enough to know he's in the medical wing.

"Wh... what happened?" Scout shifts his gaze to Medic.

"Well, we retreated. We lost the round." Medic explains. "And you fainted."

"Spy carried you back here. Never seen the bloke run so bloody fast before." Sniper adds, crossing his arms.

"...Jonah. Where... Where is he?" Scout tries to sit up, but Medic pushes him back down.

"You hit your head, Scout. You need rest." Medic avoids answering the question.

"No." Scout pushes Medic off. "Where's Jonah. Where is my damn brother?!"

"He... He died, mate." Sniper gives Scout a pitying look. "You... You were there when it happened."

The memories come back to Scout slowly, and his eyes widen.

You're the reason why it happened, Jeremy. Jonah'a voice haunts him. Scout doesn't say a word, but he can feel hot tears burning in his eyes and on his face. Sniper puts a hand on his back, and Medic steps away to lock the doors for privacy.

--

Jonah's funeral is private, with only family being there. But family is just Scout and Ma.

He's the last survivor out of all his brothers.

And he killed the only brother who had ever seemed to care about him. Ma seemed to know something about Scout's role in Jonah's death, but she said nothing about it. Just silently cried, sitting next to Scout, staring at the coffin.

Scout didn't shed a single tear. He just felt empty.

War has no sides, only victims. Scout had gotten pulled into the cycle of war and paid the price. No amount of compensation pay or time off would bring Jonah back.

And only Scout would know the truth about his death. It wasn't "suicide" like Medic had said it was.

--

Scout sits on the edge of his bed, staring out the window. It's been two weeks since Jonah died, and Scout hadn't been able to sleep since the funeral a few days ago. Standing with a sigh, he opens the desk drawer and reaches for his sketchbook when his hand brushes against something round.

A baseball. No. The baseball.

Take care, Jeremy. -Jonah

And finally, Scout finds himself crying.

screaming crying throwing up this is so good??? "War has no sides, only victims. Scout had gotten pulled into the cycle of war and paid the price. No amount of compensation pay or time off would bring Jonah back." Repetitive slaughter makes him numb, until he finally come to senses when he mistakenly murdered his dearest brother, this part is just tragic and heartbreaking...

#ask #tf2 bidwell #tf2 scout #fic

[inchidentally]

please tell me your parasocial theory about the lando effect on his teammates i'll shrivel up like a raisin without it actually

god. I'm gonna try and keep this coherent and not TOO weird. obv this is completely without knowing any of these people personally and it's just me theorizing for fun without any actual private knowledge etc etc !

(I've had to edit the hell out of this bc I don't want to like outright offend anyone since this isn't meant to be super serious at all but I'm mortified at how long it is anyway lol)

so we all know that Lando has always had the whole main character fairytale prince/princess quality that started from taking so incredibly long to finally grow up right up to his version of grown up vacillating between devastating fuckboy to coquette fetish sweetheart. and we all know that Lando is fully aware of how he looks and how he's perceived bc of visible social media presence and interactions and also just being around mirrors. he's stunning and charismatic because he makes no effort to be and there is an aura of destiny and magic around him with whatever he does. but he's always seemed like someone who needs to know what exactly he means to his close friends, mainly guys. in a way that's almost like 'yeah you have a girlfriend but does she accept that I'm ✧Me✧ and not just a Normal Blokey Friend?' or 'will your friends accept that I'm ✧Me✧ or will I have to put up a front?'

the reason Lando's so magnetic to people is because he's a ✧Me✧ but also because he's a ✧Me✧ while being a guy which guys aren't usually secure enough to be ✧Me✧. a lot of guys dress up or play up acting like one but Lando's authentically a ✧Me✧ and not to be classed with guys who are Normal Bloke or Normal Friend. they are very very rare.

to expand on this further and because I have insomnia let's take a walk through our perceptions and occasional facts of fandom observation over the years...

I feel like somewhere in the process of his first few years of F1 Lando went from awkward paddock baby who was probably a fall risk to realizing how incredibly adorable he still was even as a pro racing driver. he was literally everybody's baby (and honestly still kinda is). he was thrown into F1 so young it's not surprising.

I am a diehard carlando fan here so please understand that I'm switching to speaking in real life and not fandom terms (and I prefer fandom terms lol) real life Carlos is 100% hetero to me. my family and friend group are sort of UN levels of diverse and what seems like fruityness in non-American or sometimes non-British men is completely standard for straight dudes outside those countries. straight euro guys in particular flirt and get physical with their bros one way and then have an entirely different type of flirting and physicality with women they're attracted to. I don't think this is the case with Carlos at all but a LOT of these euro dudes can even compartmentalize so well that they're actually homophobic while fully kissing and cuddling with their friends. like I say Carlos doesn't seem at all homophobic but there have definitely been tiny, subtle moments with other drivers or during social media challenges where he's been like 'okay that's far enough for me'. which imo is him drawing boundaries and is totally fair.

AND YET WITH LANDO? Carlos has had a verrrrry hard time classifying Lando up until recently I think. for a while after signing to McLaren it was clear he viewed himself as protector and big brother/uncle to a very skittish and weird child/toddler/pet. then when Lando started to build his F1 personality around Carlos and was able to do some give and take with him, Carlos started to see Lando as a fun little satellite buddy and we got some of their silliest most adorable moments (the squawk laughing and the horseplay etc). but Carlos very much still viewed himself as the superior and Lando was just happy to have someone patient and considerate of him rather than a serious competitor.

to me Carlos and everyone else in F1 shifted how he saw Lando around the time of Daniel showing up on the scene (and Carlos' shock at how upset Lando was when he went to Ferrari). Lando got a LOT more confidence on and off the track from here on and he absolutely saw Daniel as a competitor and gave as good as he got off track too (in a fun way). he was never a satellite of Daniel's like he was with Carlos. he also physically started to grow and appreciate his own beauty and sexuality (not as in his identity but his effect on others sexually). he started dressing more consciously and mixing flirting with cuteness to win people over and play the media. youtuber/streamer Lando began to merge with F1 paddock darling Lando into something new between having Carlos and Daniel as teammates.

I can just tell you right now that a dude like Carlos would have ABsolutely no idea how to classify what Lando was becoming at that point in terms of their friendship. Lando was too pretty and still too small to be considered a Dude and apart from on the race track Lando doesn't have the natural douche-ness of Dudes. but Lando also had an active sex life and women were already crazy for him so he wasn't a child anymore either. since F1 drivers literally for bodily safety reasons can only identify as straight Carlos couldn't even class Lando as a rainbow guy.

personally I think that's when Carlos elevated Lando to Hot Bitch/Great Dude status. Lando can still take roughhousing and stupid jokes but he's also got this intense genderfluid glow that poor straight man brain have a tough time with. so Lando's this still confusing hybrid but one that Carlos accepts and loves.

in such a short time Lando went from notice me senpai over Carlos as a teenager on twitter to showing off how they exclusively hang out outside race weekends and he can breeze into the Ferrari garage like he owns the place. one teammate down :)

obv this whole time Lando has had Max F in his life and I think they've known for a long time that they're the sort of best friends who are also common law married. their gfs have always seemed really good natured about it. (**this will be relevant when Oscar comes up later) before Carlos, Max was very clearly the stronger public personality Lando had latched onto as a kid and stayed that way until about 2020/2021. since then I feel like Max is watching Lando in a kind of proud wiping away a tear and claiming that it's raining way. he was down before he probably knew it :)

honestly I'm not a big fan of Daniel Ricciardo for specific reasons and I've chosen to just edit out what I'd written about him and Lando since I truly don't want to piss anyone off over this pointless post lol. it's enough to say that for all Daniel's cockiness making gay jokes etc I get a lot of joy from the fact that Lando has ended up combining Lewis Hamilton-gender norms are for losers attitude with his own genuine rising stature as a future WDC and basically blew Daniel out of the water in every way. they're absolutely still good buddies but damn, Hot Bitch Lando had Daniel stuttering and staring with how little effort it took for Lando to outshine him, on and off the track. Daniel is usually the one in charge of his F1 relationships but Lando got him fucked. up. and begging.

another teammate down :)

do I even need to go into detail about Oscar . we know so incredibly little about Oscar's real personality yet we fully know that he's been replying to Lando's tweets and watching Lando's content since boarding school in the UK. you can take a tour of just the McLaren youtube content from the 2023 unboxing onward and watch Oscar go from dazed and stumbling over himself to not look a tool in front of Lando to Prema-era humor Oscar being able to banter with Lando.

here's what's different with the Lando/Oscar friendship tho. Oscar came in weirdly grown up for his age bc he'd left home so young and went from boarding school to being set up in his own flat by Mahk Wibbah. he already had a long term girlfriend and after waiting a year for his driver's seat he'd made the extremely ballsy move to publicly decide his own fate in F1. Lando was probably expecting to have a typical rookie on his hands but instead he got someone who's already more emotionally mature and responsible than Lando's other two teammates combined. then Oscar is so incredibly talented that he's pushed Lando to such a massive new level that P3 and P2 and (currently) 4th in the WDC are already losing a bit of their shine. Lando wants the whole thing and in a way he never has up til now. Oscar is a not insignificant part of that.

Lando suddenly has an equal! their age difference is negligible and their competitive level is the same. the fact that Oscar's racing mentality is so vastly different to Lando's is perfect because there'll never be a Lewis/Nico situation. Lando needs to stay within his own head to a certain degree for race weekends and Oscar looks forward to his next opportunity as soon as he's done with one. Oscar even has a much more laid back Max F style sense of humor which means Lando doesn't have to play up and perform as much as he used to for social media shit.

then there was the awful start to the season followed by Lando definitely being shook up by how hot Oscar came in as a rookie. AND YET Oscar has always gone out of his way to celebrate Lando's successes literally no matter how his own performance went. he's never once opted to peace out until needed for media or pictures (or straight up left) after a DNF or finishing poorly. there's this moment from the Dutch GP that breaks my idiot fandom brain bc Lando had just qualified second and Oscar (Q8) is shaking his hand and congratulating him and. idk it feels like one of those 'oh!' moments where Lando realizes Oscar is rooting for him even when they're competing and it's not a one-off nice gesture or bare minimum effort

(which honestly that bare minimum is totally fair in racing and I don't judge drivers who need to lick their wounds, it can take a lot to come out of that adrenaline mindset and be happy for your teammate who is also your competitor).

and that's the thing, Oscar came in already won over by Lando. he simply expects them both to do their jobs well and whatever Lando has to offer outside that is cool with him because Lando is ✧Lando✧. if Lando wants to bring him more into his non-F1 life at some point that would probably be great but Oscar's also got his own stable non-F1 life so it's fine either way! if Lando has other commitments and Oscar needs to step up more with the team then that's fine! I know I've been superlative with this post but like, Lando never needed/needs to do anything at all for Oscar to like him and accept him and root for him. Oscar clearly doesn't feel the need to prove anything to Lando or force the relationship. everyone else is dazzled by Lando or watched him/helped him grow up but Oscar just really Finds Lando Neat and Wants to Be Around Him. he seems to like being bossed around by Lando but he also likes when Lando is being really cool and when Lando is quiet and moody he just waits until Lando wants to be around people again. he's like a cat that proves their devotion to you by remaining in proximity rather than meowing or shoving their face in yours.

so like, part of me feels like Lando saw his new teammate having this whole life(**girlfriend?? but does she accept me as ✧Me✧?) already before even meeting Lando and had no idea how they'd develop a relationship. both Carlos and Daniel had (and still have) very bachelor style lives where a relationship with the current teammate is top priority and everyone else in their life has to deal. work comes first, then work friends, then everything else until the babies are made.

but then Oscar just shows up all content with his grown up life and smiles at Lando all the time and doesn't take anything for granted and respects Lando's space within F1 and McLaren and never complains even about doing things he doesn't like and Lando's like oh! I've already got this one down for the count and I didn't even do anything! nice :)

anyway thank you for asking and I hope this was remotely worth reading aakfgsjgfjgafagla

#crafoiv #this is insane but I hope it partly makes sense #mine #ln lore #inchreplies #inchidentallyanessay #for reference #inch gets weird

[dappledpaintbrush]

Full honest options on dimentio?

Looks at you like this

Autistic Answer: OHH YM GODODDODHRKEJTJTKTJR LAYS FLAT ON MY BSCK ON A HIGHWAY HESSOOO FUCKINGGNCOOOOOL RUNS FULL SPEED AT A. BRICK WALL AND JUMPS THROUGH LEAVING A CLOUD OF DUST AND A SHAPE OF MYSELF IN THE WALL IN MY WAKE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HES SO INTERESTING AND LOSER PILLED I NEED HIM EMBROIDERED ON MY ARM

Autistic Answer:

Okay so at the start of my spm special interest when I was a tiny little googoogaga baby (seven years old) Dimentio was just. This guy. Evil and shit but just a guy. But he was MY guy. I don’t remember beating the game that young. I seriously think I gave up on the yold desert puzzle and just binged koopakungfu let’s plays over and over again but regardless I remember the aftermath and GODDDDDDDDDD I was so indescribably enamored with this Thing . it was REVOLTING.

Now as a near 19 year old I can’t think about him or the game in general without having to stop drop and roll but at the end of the day, Dimentio is still just some guy. But in the morning and the afternoon he’s a fucking idiot. Like you absolute goofiest of goobers, all you had to do was teleport the heroes to Dimension D and wait everything out. That shit is why he’s currently burning in hell. Not for mass murder or being annoying but for the stupidest plan I have ever heard in my entire life. He is also one of the most intriguing characters ever made in the Mario franchise.

Like okay. You are given this purple and yellow triangular smudge on your screen and you go “hmm… (scratches chin) something is Wrong With This Animal. It Might be Sick.” And of course he ends up betraying the sympathetic tragic villain Bleckie Bear and dies (thank GOD) whatever credits roll NO!!!!

FIRST. This guy tells you Bleck has lied about creating new worlds. That is . THAT IS!!! Now he could be lying but he could also NOT be. After all, what other motivation would he have for betraying Bleck? All the worlds to himself perhaps …………………. That’s the thing. You don’t know . That’s this entire character.

You

DONT.

KNOW.

Anything he says and anything about him is either a blatant lie, COULD be a lie, COULD be the truth, or is vague 3,000 year old information given from this dude in a bar that may or may not even be about Dimentio. He is LITERALLY wearing a mask. A TWO FACED MASK might I add.

Nintendo doesn’t lay out his story for you on screen like they do with Bleck. If you don’t take the time to explore, Dimentio will never be more than Bleck’s silly and funny-talking minion who betrayed him out of greed or.. whatever reason. Because he didn’t say it. No no- You have to go out of your way to investigate and pay money and put pieces of this puzzle together to find out that hurt people hurt people (🤓)

He could be some random bloke. He could the descendant of this sad unnamed character and somehow “never found happiness” whatever THAT means. He could be THE sad unnamed character that went through an accident so devastating that it left his mother dead and it left everyone believing HE was dead. This accident, whatever it was, was so horrifying that Dimentio, who can teleport across dimensions, was unable (by choice or not) to find and tell his remaining family he was alive. After his “death”, his sister would die as well. Their father, likely going insane with unimaginable grief, would rip her soul from the afterlife just to keep his only child- the only family he had left- with him, oblivious to the fact that somewhere, his son was still alive. This little girl, now forever trapped as a Pixl, would become so angry at what her father had done that she would start a war and slaughter ANYONE that tried to get in her way. The Pixl Queen- this angry, scared, and confused child- would lose once more. She would be destroyed. All she is now is a shadow of her former self. And that’s what she would reform as in the pits below an Ancient city, where, at the hands of our heroes, she would lose AGAIN. Dimentio could be oblivious to all of this. He could know a fraction of it. He could know all of it. He could hold no guilt. He could blame himself for what had happened to her, for he had been gone all those years- whatever that means.

He could want to destroy everyone and everything out of personal gain- to recreate them all in his image and rule them as he sees fit all because he is a greedy narcissist. He could want to destroy everyone and everything because, like Blumiere, he sees no point in anything after losing all he loved in all worlds. Maybe he betrayed Blumiere because Dimentio wanted to rule a timeline that goes his way and ONLY his way. Maybe “his way” is where he gets all he wanted in riches, in wealth, in a population that essentially worships him, and so on. After all, he does say that he wants to be king of all worlds. Maybe that isn’t everything he wants. After all, he doesn’t just wipe out everyone in all dimensions and create mindless followers using the Dark Prognosticus that is capable of doing that exact thing. No. Like Blumiere, Dimentio, too, wants the worlds gone. Erased. All of them. The worlds that caused that accident. killed his mom. “killed” him. killed his sister. And in these self-described and self-created perfect new worlds, his timeline, his way, where he can create anything and anyone he wants- maybe he isn’t alone anymore. Whatever that means.

In my full honest opinion, I think he is SO .FUCKING. COOL.

#I’m sorry anon I’m so sorry for that #i go through phases where this game makes me (taps the sign) furiously rattle bars of my cage #and you just happened to catch me in one of those times #maybe it’s nearly 4 am and I need to stfu and go honk shooooo #spm

[itsscromp]

I hope this isn't too many requests or anything (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠)

Insomniac Miles and Peter, separate if that's okay, Headcanons with a best friend who has a heavy English accent? I don't know a single American who can genuinely decipher a word I say

Insomniac spider-men x reader

First off, Theirs no limit to the amount of requests you put in so keep sending them in :D and also I get this 100% as an Australian, I have American friends who don't understand what I'm saying half the time. For this I'm gonna do it as a headcanon if that's ok.

Miles morales

You were a transfer student who was starting to attend Brooklyn visions academy.

The same school that miles goes too.

When he met you he couldn’t understand what in the right world you were saying.

“Ey mate. Your that miles bloke right ??”

“I.. I’m sorry what ??”

After which you helped him understand what you were trying to say.

Overtime he slowly got to it.

It was like almost learning another language. But still fun.

He’ll still get surprised by it though sometimes.

Like when one time you were having a conversation with him and someone knocked your books out of your hand.

“Oi you daft !! Watch where you’re going !!!!”

“Daft ??”

“Another way of saying stupid”

Peter Parker

Doc Octavius brought you on for work experience when you were studying in high school.

That was when you also met Peter.

“Peter, Peter Parker.

“Y/n, nice to meet you mate”

“Oh British”

He then showed you the ropes and showed you what they were working on.

Safe to say you were surprised.

“Woah, you’re taking the piss out of this..”

“Most defi… I’m sorry what did you say ??”

It made you laugh a bit every time when Peter had trouble trying to translate what you were saying.

“Ok so, bloke just simply means man or dude. Bonkers means crazy”

“I had a feeling bonkers would mean that”

But never the less it helped him understand you a little better and helped you two get closer.

#platonic #reader insert #miles morales x reader #insomniac games peter parker #insomniac games #insomniac games miles morales #Spider-Man headcanon #Spider-Man x reader

[bella-rose29]

episode 4 commentary - Sweet Dreams

warnings: swearing, once again barely any of this is proper commentary it's just me calling everyone pretty and simping over their hands and arms, SPOILERS FOR THE SHOW AND BOOKS, when I have multiple of the same letter in a row (so like AAAAA) I have to press the key every single time (fun) so... idk why it's a warning but I felt like you just needed to know how excited I got

that's a funky headboard

omg I want her jumper

LOCKWOOD WITH THE ALICE IN WONDERLAND REFERENCE

that toast would have scared the shit out of me too Lucy dw

angry

concerned bbs

"we were not 'rescued'" and "stuck up mediocrities" will forever be iconic

"he lacks respect"

this whole scene always makes me laugh tbh

so many good quotes

"you take the lie, and you take Kipps' face and put them together--"

"and you just wanna watch him... die"

"please tell me there's tea" mood AND THEN HE'S THE ONE MAKING TEA

concerned bbs again

"you're just not rude enough to her, George"

the way he appears round that door 😭

FUCK OFF JOPLIN

hand

I will not be discussing the sound I made at lockwood sat in the chair after passing on the business card

Georgie no

spiky shoes

my dried mango I'm eating is so good

"pre-pleb?"

lockwood's so pretty omg

so is lucy

hmmmmmmmmmm lockwood

^^^

why does his mouth not move

also why was that hot

rainy taxi

hand

George looks so excited talking about the black market I love him

hand

George I love you

lockwood could your ego get any bigger (but also hehehe)

"proper honest blokes, real salt of the earth"

"you've never even spoken to them"

*pause* "yeah well they're a bit scary"

"go write a poem about it!" George you beautiful human being

showman speech! showman speech!

hand

BOBBY I CANT HEAR ANYTHING BUT BESHPOKELY NOW

"you will have my undivided attention" gbsgsukrhgosuruhgksh I would melt and then evaporate when he smiled

"no backbone this generation!"

"I am not filling out more forms" mood

he's so pretttyyyyyyyyy

NOT THE CAMERA SPINNING AROUND LIKE THE BONE GLASS

woo they have chains now!

lockwood is so angry

"it knows you're there" oh very comforting

bzzzzzzzzzzzz

JOPLIN GO AWAY

omg Lucy nooo

hehehe it's her bestie

touching locklyle moment of: "Luce, what's going on? are you okay?"

*George in the background* "WhERe'S mY LiGht?"

bestieeee

yeah well don't open it

"stand by" lockwood honey she's not in any state of mind to deal with this

Georgie nooooo

idk if it's a thing but the fact that lockwood was the only seemingly unaffected??? Lucy obviously has Listening, and George can do some of the Touch stuff, so does that mean they're more susceptible to psychic emotions? George had the nausea and Lucy had the headache and all the rest of it but lockwood was fine? idk

"all someone had to do was apply themselves!" iconic

DON'T FEEL EXCITED BITCH

GEORGIE NOOO

whoops

bit dusty now

BADASS BITCH MOMENTTTTTTT

THROW THAT RAPIER!!!!

heavily breathing lockwood 👀

hehehe bestieeee

already trying to get out lolllllll

oh no the boys are fighting :(

"you'd never bollock her like this would you"

tired-of-this-lockwood is one of my favourites I think

"iS iT tALkInG tO yOu nOw?"

oops

don't talk about the room

"clinically insane-" "really FUCKING powerful" I love them

"you gave her a free pass just 'cause you like the way she looks at you" ok 1) DUDE SAID THAT WITH LUCY IN THE ROOM I LOVE HIM and 2) honestly I am lockwood bc I too would give her a free pass if Lucy looked at me like 😍 (or even if she just looked at me tbh)

"I don't know what you're talking about" "yeah sure" I AM GEORGE IN THIS SITUATION

boy's angry

"why, 'cause you can't handle being my Tom Rotwell?" OOOO WHAT A BLOW TO THE EGO

THE MICROEXPRESSSIONS S SIESR0[HORUSHGOSRUHGOA CAMERON CHAPMAN THE MAN YOU AREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

sorry can you tell I love that bit

aw Georgie nooo

lanky boy

I WANNA GIVE HIM A HUGGGG :((((

Georgie noooo

IS THAT MARY WATSON

is that a FQD I see?

hehehe he's so silly

"he was a massive prick to me just now" he deserved that

awkward teens hehehe

SJRHGIUSRHGOURHSOUGHSEORIGJORS THIS SCENENEEEEEEE

TENDING TO WOUNDSSSSSSSSSSDSDIUSGHESIUHGOSUR H

"the real reason you might be here is to shine it on somebody else" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

WHY AM I TEARING UP (I think it's the hormones actually)

HE IS SO BAD AT NOT LOOKING AT HER LIPS (me too)

his smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

WHY AM I CRYING

WTF

HE LOOKED AT HER LIPS AGAIN

NOW THEY'RE TENDERLY HOLDING HANDS

NOT THE PINKY FINGER

NOT HIM LOOKING AT HER LIPS FOR THE THIRD TIME

omg the awkwardness after they sat in silence staring at each other and holding hands

ok but the fact they cut to george's room but showed it through the mirror on his wardrobe???????? omggggg deep analysis of when mirrors are used here we come

he's so pretty

peekaboo

not the biscuit 😭

"do not cross" *crosses*

he looks like a guilty child

he sounds like one too

"absolutely by the book" sure...

BOBBYYYYYYYY

heavily breathing lockwood hmmmmmmm

I'm sorry I can't take bobby Vernon seriously bc I just think of bobby (who isn't that small) and I laugh

I've had to pause it which is a problem bc it's gonna take me a while to get through this 😭

he's so smug omg 😭

"there you go, sir" with as much smugness as possible

screeching like a parrot at bobby's laugh

I actually can't stop laughing this is ridiculous

"yes, I do, actually" YOU SHOW THEM GEORGIE

"you sure you do?" "I know who that man is"

"this better be good Karim" *immediately aims his attack at bobby*

"they'll be glad of the work, but this is Phoenician" I AM A PROUD BESTIE JUST LIKE LOCKWOOD AND LUCY ARE IN THAT MOMENT

"bobby, just a hunch. something I read in a book, if you remember those" I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOUR

he's having so much fun being smarter than bobby Vernon and I love it

"thank you bobby, you've been a wonderful assistant"

*gets a shot of just him concluding his point like the DIs in death in paradise while looking awesome*

"shut up karim" "you thought it was a brewer!" ah, rivalry

lockwood looks so thin (like thinner than he normally does) he kinda looked like a cartoon I won't lie

barnes is so done

"shall we get hotdogs"

he's so smug

stop calling him irrelevant bestie

lucy's "oh for god's sake" in the background is me

"Quill Kipps, the walking appendix" ok 1) honey go to bed and 2) why was the way he said that kinda 👀🤭

lockwood seriously go to bed, your brain is clearly not functioning properly

"three less amateurs stumbling around" um kipps if you're going to insult them could you at least say fewer? (I'm a pedant just like lockwood)

"what the hell is he doing" "whatever the hell he wants" hehehe

#lockwood and co #lockwood & co #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #george karim #quill kipps #montague barnes #belle's episode commentaries

[multidimensional-trashcan]

good omens dashboard simulator

new-aquarian follow reblogged 🔄 your-budd...

📰 new-aquarian follow

british government: got some straight gas 🔥😜 this strain is called "mass hallucination" 🌀😵‍💫 you'll lose your sense of reality 💯

me: yeah whatever i don't feel shit

5 minutes later: dude i swear aliens just stopped by to deliver a message of universal peace and harmony

my buddy john pacing: plato wasn't lying to us about the atlanteans' prowess

some random passer-by: i bet the tibetans in the ground are here to find out how to use sherbert lemons to power nuclear reactors so they can stop the kraken from killing my aunt

🏄‍♂️ your-buddy-john follow

i meant their ability to play quoits!!!!!!

📰 new-aquarian follow

we all know you want to fuck an atlantean, john

#still not convinced they don't exist #mass hallucination suuuure #and we all had coincidentally the same?

(4,004 notes)

thin-dark-duke follow reblogged 🔄 aziraph...

🪩 disco-tony-fanatic follow

still an absolute crime that these are the only snippets of disco tony we have

this video really is the pin-nacle of all human existence

🌌 wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey follow

i am telling you, this bloke looks just like the tenth doctor

🕺anthony-dancethony follow

I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such matter.

📖 aziraphale-fell follow

Oh, dear. Crowley, is that you?

🐍 thin-dark-duke follow

ngk

(154,790 notes)

THE-ANTIC reblogged 🔄 percule-hoirot-dea...

🪦 ornithologeek-deactivated20240219

you're never gonna believe what just happened to me! there was a bloody nightingale. in berkeley square. SINGING. just like in that damned song.

🪦 king-dick-ii-deactivated13990929

what song?

🪦 ornithologeek-deactivated20240219

how do you not know 'A Nightingale sang in Berkeley Square'? here it is:

🪦 mr-fahrenheit-deactivated20240219

i don't think that is the song you wanted to post

🪦 ornithologeek-deactivated20240219

oh, sorry. dont know how that happened.

🪦 mr-fahrenheit-deactivated20240219

that is still not the song you mentioned

🪦 ornithologeek-deactivated20240219

okay, i really don't know how that happened. i swear i double and triple checked that i put the right song there

☠️ THE-ANTIC

🪦 percule-hoirot-deactivated20240220

can someone please tell me who that guy is? every time i see them reblog a post everyone in the reblog chain is deactivated. im pretty sure they made the account of a mutual delete itself.

☠️ THE-ANTIC

I AM EVERYWHERE

#EVEN WITHIN THE HOLLOW CROWN THAT ROUNDS THE MORTAL TEMPLES OF A KING

(0 notes)

thin-dark-duke follow reblogged 🔄 aziraph...

🍷 rizz-at-the-ritz follow

you are not gonna believe this, but my reservation at the ritz got cancelled again. this is the third time this month! and every time these ingnorant waiters don't even remember my reservation! im not superstitious but if i were id say there are demonic forces at work here.

📖 aziraphale-fell follow

Crowley? That wasn't you, was it?

🐍 thin-dark-duke follow

ngk

#c'mon angel #you really believe the ritz coincidentally just has a free table every time you want to eat there? #that person's a dick anyway

(150 notes)

🔥 sponsored

🍆 mentula follow

You have difficulties making an effort? Your partner is not satisfied with the effort you have made?

Go to https://www.mentula.com/make-an-effort to get the help you need.

Mentula: We make making an effort effortless!

#make an effort #mentula

(69 notes)

🪩 disco-tony-fanatic follow

#poll #cant believe there isnt a ginger dancer emoji #tumblr fix this

(666 notes)

🐸 hastur-la-vista follow reblogged 🔄 aziraph...

🦀 crabby-posts follow

look guys, i redecorated my children's hospital 🥰🤪

va va VOOM!

📖 aziraphale-fell follow

It really is a lovely colour! Very nice indeed. The children will feel very safe, i'm sure.

🐸 hastur-la-vista follow

looks like someone pissed all over it

(3,008 notes)

👩🏼‍💻 not-my-fucking-business follow

wouldn't have believed it myself but team building exercises really work. ever since i shot my boss in the heart with a machine gun our relationship has drastically improved.

#work #he's downright nice to me now #tadfield manor

#Spotify #good omens #david tennant #please excuse the random shakespeare that seems to have managed to worm its way in #im not sorry for the good old tumblr style ad i put in there tho #dash simulator

[daddiesdrarryy]

Harry: What am I going to do? That bloke is hitting on Draco!

Hermione: All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now to see him, okay, make a few surprise visits at St Mungo’s

Harry: I don't know you guys

Hermione: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile he is talking to that bloke about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and Draco starts thinking “Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me and not Harry”

Ron: And before you know it, Draco’s with him. And you'll be all, “Oh, man!” And he'll be all, “Yes!”. And us, we'll be like, “Wh-whoa, dude” And pretty soon you'll be like *in a sad tone* “Hi”, and-and, “I can't go, Draco and that bloke might be there”. And we'll be like, “Harry get over it, it's been four years!”

Harry: ...

Hermione: He paints quite a picture, doesn't he?

#drarry #ron got a point #source: friends #do not repost #daddiesdrarry on instagram #harry potter #draco malfoy #incorrect drarry quotes #incorrect harry potter quotes #drarry squad #drarry gang #harry x draco #incorrect hp #hermione granger #ron weasley #drarry imagines #drarry ship #drarry textpost #hp #hogwarts #hp imagine #hp ships #hp text post #incorrect hp quotes #overheard at hogwarts

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

Naaah...That official face of Ghost....No need! I have...We have our canon. It's your version of Simon. Sorry not sorry, but this Simon is hot like hell!

HFKSHSHASGAH

Okay but I actually want to incorporate Sam's feature into my headcannon face tho--

Just gonna study his facial features and draw it... HUEHEUEHEUHEUEUEYE I LOVE studying people's faces

After all I'm actually RELIEVED that he looks like... British bloke. A dude. A guy. A man. He's cute

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod mw #cod #simon ghost riley #sleepy answers #cod mw22 #call of duty modern warfare 2022