#not to say that aros or aces or aroaces CAN'T be in a “normal” relationship because we totally can | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

twosoulss77 · 29 days

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I don't know who needs to hear this, but you are allowed to have a favourite ship, canon or not, out of a particular show.

Shipping is just a way for artist and what not to explore different dynamics, or even their own. That’s why I believe we should let people enjoy what they like, without forcing our own image of a certain spectrum into them. Especially cause shaming those people, for trying to explore their identity through art, might cause actual harm to them or cause them to not enjoy doing what they like anymore, bc of hateful comments from someone who hides behind a fake identity to hate on a fictional ship, which in itself it’s a very sad and pathetic way to live, but just cause your life is miserable doesn’t mean you need to make others people’s life miserable you know. Go touch Grass when you feel like being a dick!!!

As an AroAce fellow with no desire for a sexual relationship, I applaud and adore all those people making content of my fav husbands, let it be a fics smut or just normal fluff, I love it all SO MUCH Hazbin Hotel ep 5 changed my whole chemistry, and Say what you will about radioapple / appleradio, but I will always be entertained by the idea of Lucifer angrily doing acts of kindness for Alastor because it's what ‘Charlie would want’, and Alastor being a stupid ‘Bambi’ and try to wiggle himself out of it at the beginning, but then realise that he actually doesn’t mind the king of hell company at all. Both slowly growing to actually tolerate and maybe even like being around the other. Exchanging snarky remarks in a more playful way, playing music together, telling dad jokes, hating on the same delusions glorified iPad …like there is so much potential there that it’s crazy how much it pisses people off. It might be cause I am a sucker for Enemies to Friends to Lovers, but by God if that isn’t the best trope.

I know there will be some smart people out there, that are gonna be like “Alastor is ace”, but so are half the people who ship him!!! I hate when people make assumption on us, on who and how we want to love. I might not be interested in participating in sexual stuff myself, but that doesn’t stop me to explore my own ace-spectrum with these two characters, who if they wanted to could and would kiss each other, Cause for one I says so, I have the power to make that happen *insert hysterical laugh* And second It was confirmed that Alastor is a repulsed Ace, but would also be down to date someone if they were strong asf, (Confirmed in a stream, take that with a grain of salt) which makes this ship even more possible than others.

Al being Aroace, doesn't mean he can't date or have sex, he's just not all that interested in it, but that could also derive from the fact that he hasn’t found the right person yet, so it doesn’t feel important to him yet. (fun fact aromantic wasn't the part of my struggle accepting that I was aroace it was actually accepting I was ace bc of my hyper sexual tendencies)

Also Alastor being aro just makes radioapple infinitely more funny to me, or any relationship with him for that matter. He is just this 7 feet tall demon with zero interest in romance, but always managing to find himself having beef with someone, possibly a guy, and act like he is either about to kiss or kill him XD

I really needed to get this off my chest and I absolutely mean every thing I said in here. Everyone has their own likes and dislikes, but you'll be surprised to see how much happier you will be when you stop focusing on what other people are doing and instead focus on what you like.

Thanks for listening 😊💜

#aromantic #asexual #radioapple #appleradio #hazbin hotel 2024 #hazbin hotel alastor #ace in the hole #radiostatic #hazbin hotel #alastor altruist #lucifer morningstar

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kittycathat · 3 months

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LGBTQIABCDEFJ is not real just stop. It's made up acronym that is rarely used outside of tumblr. Queer is not an identity its just an adjective. most intersex people explicitly state they do not consider themselves lgbt. Most lgbt people do not want to associate with aro and aces. And most lgbt in the real world living normal lives and not chronically online have little to no contact or knowledge of asexuals we literally dont care. Ur existence is so insignificant offline and if we ever met a self proclaimed aroace het cis man we would probably make sure we never had to associate with him again. Ur not gay just give it up and go live a normal life. Ur a single cis person. U either dont have the emotional capacity to love someone or u are sex repulsed and dont want to have a relationship with someone either way thats just normal and there are plenty of people like that we dont really care if u want to be alone all ur life just leave actual struggling gay people alone and shutup about ur stupid discourse no one cares except urselves.

That is true, the acronym is actually LGBTQIA (with variations,) not LGBTQIABCDEFJ. /sarc

but anyways hi anon! Theres a lot to unpack here

about "lgbtqia is rarely used outside of tumblr": that's the problem, bc we want it to be

about "its not an identity just an adjective": not quite sure what you're on, bc it literally is

about intersex people: this goes against what you just said, and supports that "queer" is an identity even more?? because these intersex people are choosing whether they identify as queer or not

about lgbtqia people not wanting to associate aro or ace people: bro if these are people you actually know irl, please find new friends. Find friends who actually support normal who are living their lives, just without romantic and/or sexual attraction.

about me being chronically online: anon.... i dont think you can talk after you typed out this whole thing as an attempt to make me feel bad... but ok. (also not very related but anonymous hate is a very very pathetic thing to do)

about asexuality being not well known: Also not sure what rock you live under but asexuality is pretty well known??? like the average person (at least where i live) will most likely know what it is.

about cishet aroace men: .. ok but why would i not want to associate with him? plus everyone lgbtqia is "self proclaimed" so idk bro

about not having "emotional capacity": bro what the hell do you want me to do,, i've literally never felt romantic attraction in my life

about "there are plenty of people like that": People might not want to be in romantic relationships for a number of reasons, but if it's because they don't feel romantic attraction... then they're aro-spec. Thank you for supporting the aro community by saying it's normal <333

about "we dont really care if u want to be alone all ur life": bro its the internet if you don't like what i'm talking about just SCROLL

about leaving "actual struggling gay people" alone: .. when did i do anything against gay people? Plus if you're trying to stop hate... why did you anonymously send a literal hate essay to me

about "ur not gay just live a normal life": omg you got something right!! i'm actually not gay!! (so proud of you <3) Also i do live a normal life, i am so basic you can't even imagine

about no one caring: well you see.. thats the problem. that's part of why i post about aromanticism, because i want people to be actually supportive

anyways! tysm for reading all that. please be civil in comments, and be kind to everyone guys <3

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aro-bird · 3 months

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I do have to say, as someone on the camp of "you could probably ship someone else who isn't non-partnering but honestly I don't care as long as you don't harass people over this", I think it's lost on some people that the reason why so many non-partnering aroaces may become defensive over these characters even if "it's just fandom" is the fact that a lot of aroaces who do fit these stereotypes and who may fall into this camp genuinely had horrible experiences about their social circles and yes, especially this fandom site, harassing them and saying they don't exist or that they're mentally ill and should "get fixed" among other things.

As common it is to see aspecs here on Tumblr, the queer social media site, you need to understand that there's still a lot of contempt for aroaces outside and inside this place. Hell, I received an ask calling aros and aces delusional just last Christmas Day 2023 that came with a wave of increased arophobia around that time. As much as that time period was definitely discourse against aroallo men, aphobes did not cherry pick on who they're sending hate to.

Besides this, a lot of non-partnering aroaces often receive this kind of dismissal in real life too and as much as some people may think it's not a big deal, it definitely fucks up your brain when people say you and your experiences not only don't matter but you are doomed to live a lonely and miserable life if you don't find someone. Even my otherwise very supportive relatives expressed this concern and it's absolutely out of care but it's fucking damaging to constantly hear that I will die alone if I don't find a partner (romantic, platonic, or otherwise).

This is besides dismissals like this or even non-acceptance had literally barred me from mental health care when I was a teenager because my specialist said I had a "distressed sexuality" and had specialists focused on that aspect rather than all my other issues.

The shipping of a non-partnering (typically romance repulsed or uninterested) character feels like another form of dismissal for someone like me, like my sexuality is not good enough or serious enough to be respected. The shipping of these characters sometimes reinforce the narrative that non-partnering aroace people can't find happiness on their own and do need someone (romantic, platonic, or otherwise) to be happy or they will become happier if they do find this someone. People are having fun with their ships but there are still many people who don't want to spend the time actually extending grace and understanding towards me and my experiences. I'm just another discourse topic and someone who's inconvenient to some of them.

This doesn't even account for how these fan communities aren't just filled with aspec people and do extend to allos who may take some of the discourse and actively apply it in real life to other real life aspec people. People who go and interact with real human beings and may hurt them or harass them. It isn't even accounting for the fact that even online things affect real people too.

Of course, I do understand that a lot more complex aspec identities often don't get the spotlight so they may express themselves through shipping fandom characters but non-partnering people should deserve more than these people isn't really the point of this post.

The point here is that there's a reason why a lot of non-partnering (typically repulsed or uninterested) aroace people get defensive about these things even in fan communities and it's very likely that it's because aphobia and especially against the stereotypical aroace™ still very much exist outside of our little community and they can be informed by media and the fans that consume it and this shit could genuinely have negative consequences. This of course extends to those who do have complex aspec identities as society does not treat those who don't live up to what is expected as "normal" in terms of romantic relationships and sexual attraction kindly.

Distancing yourself from these aroaces who do have frustrations with how media and fandom treat their sexuality because they're being "prudes" or are just affected by "purity culture" is unhelpful to say the least and honestly veers eerily close to shit I hear aphobes say about us.

Absolutely do stop people and block them if they're instigating and participating in harassment over shipping of all things, even these aroaces, but trying to say that every person who do have issues with shipping aroace characters are the same way with this is extremely lacking nuance and absolutely dismissive of other members of the community and why they may have the opinion they hold.

#mayaposts #shipping #ship #shipping discourse #aroace #aroace representation #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #aromantic asexual #<- again sorry for tagging these it is relevant since the discussion is more community wide #the disk horse #<- tagging this here bc yes this is definitely related to that discourse too #amatonormativity #allonormativity

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 12 days

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I'm 15 and I've never been in a romantic relationship, no one has ever expressed having a crush on me, etc. Some of my friends have never been in relationships while others have several exes, but in my daily life at school I pretty much never encounter romance of any kind directed at me, so I usually forget it's even a thing.

It feels weird to me though when I see other aros/aces online talking about fending off constant flirtations, love confessions, crushes, etc when that's literally never happened to me? And even though I'm more than fine with that, it makes me feel like something's wrong with me because I've never had anyone behave like that personally. I don't want to date, but I want to be *likable*, and given how much emphasis society in general places on romantic attraction, the lack of romance in my life feels like it reflects poorly on me :P

Yeah, I do think it's someone normal/common to want to be perceived as attractive, even if you're not actually interested in any kind of romance/sexual situation with other people. Though I would say that:

a. Being asked out or frequency of being asked out isn't necessarily a reflection of how attractive you might be. There's a lot of factors that go into being asked out like aproachability, the kinds of situations you're in/people around you, etc. For example a lot of aroaces aren't really connecting to people in a flirty/mutual attraction kind of way (though sometimes this can be misread), and aren't asked out as often because of that. Some people are very attractive, but kind of intimidating and get asked out less for that reason, etc. and

b. your self worth isn't determined by how attractive you may or may not be. When determining self worth it's important to focus on the things you can control. Value yourself for the things you do. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you can't control, or often even know, how another person is perceiving you in that context. It's fun to know if people do find you attractive, but remember that you're a cool and interesting person in your right no matter what and that matters more.

All the best, Anon!

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innitmarvellous · 1 month

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So I read some books about aro & ace identities recently, because while I am quite sure that I'm ace and probably even aroace, I'm still struggling a lot with the ramifications of this discovery about myself, even though I first noticed this about myself a few years ago.

That's why I tried to make myself feel better by reading these books in the hope that it might be helpful in any way...and that's also why I took some notes about things that always bugged me in some way, both while reading the books and before that. (I'm not done with the books, but I already noticed enough recurring issues for a whole post.)

First, I really would like to feel at least sort of good about it. It doesn't have to be pride, just some sense of it being alright. I know that's not a prerequisite, but I don't want to feel unhappy and uneasy all the time just because of my identity :/

And there are some things I like about it. For example, having found a name and explanation for whatever is going on with me was undoubtedly nice, and I like the fact that the community seems to be very open to people identifying as ace or aro no matter where they exactly are on the spectrum. Well, there are always the exclusionists, but that's technically the consensus and I like that.

Still, there is this unpleasant feeling that doesn't seem to go away. The fact that there is something I will never understand and never experience - despite desperately wanting to. I guess that is the problem if something just isn't there, and that's just so hard to accept. Like, other people also might struggle with their orientation, but at least they do have the option to find someone who feels the same and will enter a relationship with them - while this is entirely impossible for me. And I think that's where I struggle the most, honestly. Knowing that there is no way to get the thing I want with my logical mind, because my feelings won't allow me to - and thus people on the outside won't consider me as 'relationship material' in any form since I'm lacking something crucial. And yes, I entirely understand that this would make people avoid me when it comes to relationships. After all I could never give them the thing they would expect from a relationship and it would be unfair towards them if I entered a relationship while being unable to do so. But it really doesn't make it hurt any less, and it definitely doesn't make me feel good about myself. There is something missing about me, that's just an undeniable fact and it reduces my worth in the eyes of others. Is that fair? Maybe not - I can't say, as I can't see things from their perspective - but it just is how things are. But it is very, very hard to accept.

Oh, and there is another thing that keeps being mentioned: namely that relationships without sex or of course also even fully platonic relationships are possible. But honestly? That doesn't really comfort me at all :') Because...I wasn't even nice and attractive (in both a physical and personality sense) - and whatever else - enough for a "normal" relationship, so it feels downright illusory to tell myself that someone will accept me despite my "defects" (if that's what I'll call them in this context, since that would be an allo person's view in most cases, I assume) and agree to have whatever kind of deeper relationship with me. That sounds like such a nice dream, and yet that's all it is and will remain: a dream. It's simply impossible, and that just feels bad. Because I would want to have closer connections to people, but I can't. Idk, but that is a bit cruel, especially as it isn't exactly my fault because of a choice I made.

I also feel kind of uncomfortable identifying myself as queer or part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I'd like to, but idk, I fear I wouldn't really be welcome in most queer spaces since I used to think I was heterosexual before I came across the terms ace and aro. Also, I was never oppressed due to my identity and had technically no trouble to pass as more or less some kind of straight allo late bloomer, so idk... And well, I see why my constant talking about some fictional/celeb mancrush I've got might make people think that I'm a liar and just pretend to be aro or ace for attention or other reasons. In fact, the exact same thing happened to me when a guy fell in love with me and I was forced to tell him about probably being ace. He didn't believe it because "I was always crushing on anime guys" and basically accused me of deliberately leading him on and it wasn't pleasant :/ (But I can't help it...I mean, a celeb crush doesn't require me to act on anything! I just find a guy attractive in whatever shape or form and it makes me happy to have my silly little daydreams about him and whatever. But it doesn't necessarily mean I graphically dream of fucking him, despite what I might jokingly say.) Anyway, I think it would be useful if I could confidently use the term queer for myself because idk, it would make things easier. As in, I'm definitely not "normal" aka not the standard straight cis person I once believed to be, but yeah...I still doubt that I would be allowed to call myself queer. I'm too different to be considered normal and too normal to be considered queer, I guess. So I'm sure people wouldn't be too happy about me pushing into their communities. Falling between the chairs again :')

Maybe all of my doubts and all that stuff...it's not so surprising, though. I mean, I kind of assume that most people wouldn't be too happy at the prospect of lifelong solitude and loneliness, without any chance to form deeper bonds with other people. Or maybe it's just me, who knows. It definitely scares the hell out of me and I hate it so, so much. And well, that makes it so difficult to make peace with this annoying sexual/romantic orientation of mine. (I would change it if I could...but alas we all know that's impossible.) I don't know what I exactly expected, but I surely didn't sign up to a rather sad lonely life of unhappiness and yet that is exactly what I will get :/ Another thing that is very hard to accept, and I genuinely wonder how other people managed to deal with that... I know accepting it and facing that truth is the only possible way, but yeah...I still can't bring myself to feel good about this. I mean, I've been lonely for my entire life, so I don't know...maybe I just hoped this would change at some point in the future and finding out that this will never happen now is kind of soul-crushing, honestly.

Lastly, I know that this is mostly a lengthy and overly personal rant post, so maybe no one has even read until here. But if someone did and feels like commenting, then I would really appreciate that, because...I still don't really feel fully enlightened on how I'm supposed to feel now. Maybe talking to actual people would help, but who knows. Again, I'd appreciate it if anyone wants to share their thoughts (my DMs are also open btw), although I'm aware that a random Tumblr post probably isn't the best way to solve my problem. ^^

#aspec #aroace #acespec #arospec #asexuality #aromanticism #asexual #lgbtqia #queer #(idk i just tag it as such now 💦)#i'm sorry that this isn't a very cheerful/joyful post but idk just felt i had to put some things into words...

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our-aroace-experience · 2 months

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So this may be a bit long, I don't really have anyone who understands what I'm trying to say.

I've gone through many labels in my life trying to find what fits how I feel despite being confused on what I was actually feeling. Bi, Lesbian and Aroace were all labels I identified with at some point. I've always struggled with identifying my feelings. As I had no idea about the terms aromatic or asexual until two years ago. I realize that I don't need a label, but I feel better knowing I'm not alone I suppose.

I've already discovered I'm ace and I'm happy with it. But my romantic attraction has troubled me a lot. I hadn't really ever had a crush or one that was actually romantic in nature and not aesthetic attraction. That is until this past year. I developed a crush on a friend of mine or what I assumed was a crush because I got flustered around them and cared for their opinion of me a great deal and still do. My best friend asked what I was going to do about it and I had no idea. I've never been active about romance and kind of just said if it happens it happens. But when people asked if I wanted a relationship with them, I froze. Because - no- I didn't or at least not in the normal sense of a relationship. I wasn't and am still not sure what this meant in my brain, but the thought of a relationship made me, scared? uncomfortable? I ended up telling them I liked them and even though they didn't feel the same, we remain good friends.

At this point I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the aro spectrum but my tendency to overthink has me unsure. I still feel like I want someone to be close to and I know I can have that while being aro. I just feel so confused in if I am actually feeling romantic attraction or if it's some other form of attraction.

sorry this turned into a rant. As I said above, despite my friends and , family trying, they can't grasp what I'm saying. I'm not really sure how to end this so I'll just say I hope everyone has a good day/night :)

romantic attraction can be super confusing, and if you want to be unlabelled, that’s totally fine as well! i wish you luck in figuring it out!

#our aroace experience #aroace asks #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aroace #aro pride #ace pride #long post

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aroaceconfessions · 1 year

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I wish we could normalize not saying "you just haven't found the right person yet" or "maybe you'll find someone for you in the future" when people say they are not looking for a relationship, regardless of whether people are aro/ace. I've had multiple people say that to me despite me clearly stating that i'm not currently interested in a romantic relationship (and not out as aroace to them). Why can't people just take at face value that someone is not interested in a rs?

#arose #aroace #asexual #ace #aspec #acespec #aromantic #aro #arospec #aroacespec #amatonormativity #aphobia #arophobia #acephobia

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entropy-sea-system · 6 months

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OK OK impromptu rant but I need to get this out there as I still feel somewhat connected to the aro community-

I have been watching the tags, I've been talking the people in my local a-spec community and I think it amazes me just how incredible the relationships put forth by aro and aces are, while the communities just don't reflect any of it.

I've stopped identifying with the aroallo label because there was no sense of community associated with it. The a-spec spaces are made for aces only and the ace stuff in them is abhorrent. I am tired of people passing it off as repulsion, while still seeing people saying "hookers" are disgusting in a-spec tags. I'm tired of people saying PDA is bad. I'm tired of people acting like aros and aces can only be clueless cinnamon rolls. I'm tired of people being so so so stuck in their own perspective of the world they act like people in romantic relationships can't be happy. So on and so forth.

The concepts we have are passionating. They're the coolest ones I've been exposed to in queer communities. However, nobody thinks about them. Nobody speak about them. All we have is endless messages about how the world is so so confusing or hatred directed at sex and romance. I get that but I wish we went even a tiny bit past that really. It's a community filled with adults that feels so immature and I honestly think there is some sort of self infantilization going on. I don't like that I don't have symbols that aren't associated with uwu smol bean dragon lover stuff. It makes me sick and is why I don't identify with it anymore but it's genuinely sad to see because technically that's still the people who will relate to me the most.

It feels like people are always desperate to understand how the norm works and how they can best align with it instead of fully experiencing their identity. And that's an understandable thing to do but the community is just that with sex and romance negativity sprinkled on top of it.

I wish they were angrier. I wish they were more introspective. I wish they thought about breaking the norms more instead of headcannoning every female character without a love interest as aroace and talking about how gross sex is. I wish I felt like I can connect with the people who are supposed to be at least partly like me.

Anyway you're cool and I hope you're doing well! Sorry to drop all of this onto you but yeah I trust you with my ranty feels about the community.

We didn't really expect this ask but thank you for sending it!!

There are a lot of issues with the aspec community, especially online, (we have no experience with irl ones yet). And what you described here explains the issues with it quite well.

I feel like most of the aspec community ends up catering to mainly aces, and to a lesser extent aros, and slightly to apls, while other atertiary is hardly discussed (and agender ppl often just lump w gender stuff instead even though its aspec). I think the community is also rather divided, personally.

We're in some discord servers w mostly other apls and aros/run by other apl aros (often also romo aro) and they tend to overall be normal about aspec identities without being negative about attractions or actions or gatekeeping aspec labels. Currently we logged off discord a bit but we have in the past been in aro spaces that had many of the issues you mention , and still come across people being that way on tumblr.

I think there is a problem where some aros think that calling romance inherently toxic is somehow "activism" and deny that romance negativity exists, then claim that they "don't have to consider every culture ever" when people state that some cultures are romance negative and do harm people for engaging in romance.

They seem to think its "punching up" and some alloaros in particular try to justify it by acting like the united states is the only country that matters and citing sex negativity as a reason for romance negativity "not existing". When aces do this about sex its harmful, but thats not supposed to be a reason to deny that being romance negative is toxic and harmful to others even if their country doesn't persecute people for engaging in romance.

I also personally see a some aros hesitant to id with ace or acespec terms that technically fit them because of how bad the ace community has been about sex and anyone who isn't ace, as well as aces and aros generally forgetting about atertiary ppl. Some of them prefer terms like lightspec or such or allospec partly because of that.

It's understandable that some people feel a disconnect from labels like aro and ace as a result of how the communities tend to be tbh. I've had moments when I didn't want to id as aro because of this, and I consider myself both aro and alloro due to my arospec orientation.

Also being tertiary repulsed and being repulsed by sex repulsion (it just happens to repulse me a lot to read about even if not stated in a sex negative way), makes it a bit hard to be around other aspecs. I feel really disgusted and triggered when other aros talk about squishes and qprs and friendships, even if I think they should be able to talk about that. Which makes it hard to be around some other aros.

I also get what you mean about people trying to align with the existing norm. I'm seeing a rise in people maligning labels they don't understand and this attitude of "the only kind of weird thats fine is the kind of weird I am", which the aspec community has certainly not been immune to either.

I feel like for some reason most aspecs I see online, especially aros, are minors? Maybe because the aromantic label only really caught on after 2005 iirc so older people less likely to have heard of it? Im not a huge fan of how aspec tends to be infantilised either. I find issues with how some of the aro symbols are very derivative of ace symbols because we are not some extension of ace we're our own community. I can also see how ppl may find it too infantilising to have symbols like frogs and griffons etc.

Also yeah what is with people doing that about characters who are women or girls and express that they don't want to get married??? Or even just don't have a love interest. I understand if aroaces want more headcanoned rep or non-aspecs I guess idk want to fill some headcanon diversity quota without actually supporting aspecs but.

Not wanting marriage or not having a love interest is not inherently equal to not wanting romance and/or sex. I feel especially that people like to assume not wanting to have children means not wanting sex (which I find pretty reductive in that its acting like thats the only reason ppl have sex, especially as a sex favorable person who doesn't want kids). And all aspecs deserve more canon rep to begin with. I think I have a gripe with ppls aspec headcanons almost always being alloace or aroace. It's like they forget other aspecs like apls, alloaros, neu aros, non sam aros, atertiary, etc. even exist!

Additionally I think its partly because romance is emphasized more for female characters that even fans decide to make their interpretations about romance/a lack there of as if its the character's only personality trait. In my opinion its just as obsessive about romance if someone thinks all there is to a character is not engaging in it. I also see people act like they're solely worried a woman/girl character is going to fall for a man/boy character they hc as aro but not often the opposite like. Just say you see romance as gendered/feminine in some way and go I guess lol.

I also feel like mainly allistic non-aspecs do this but when ppl hc an autistic character as ace or aroace it feels infantilising if theres literally no other rationale behind their headcanon. I feel desexualised at times as an autistic and thats mostly bc ppl pick up on some kind of nd thing and they assumed I'm too "innocent" to like romance or sex, or because they view us as "unable to consent"(which can be true of some people if their neurodivergence affects their ability to consent to things even as an adult, but isn't universally true.) . I think some of this perception is also rooted in eugenics (due to people equating sex with having kids and viewing disability and/or neurodivergence as a tragedy and thinking its 'bad' for disabled and/or nd ppl to have kids).

So I don't really appreciate implications that someone is ace just by virtue of being autistic. I think its also unfair to autistic aros and aces because our neurodivergence can influence our orientation, but being autistic does not mean that makes someone inherently ace and/or aro.

My physical disability is relatively mild and less talked about (chronic pain and fatigue), and I don't reveal it to most ppl(ppl who dont live with me won't know I get exhausted from non-taxing to abled ppl activities, and chronic pain is not visible at all and we can't get mobility aids due to not being independent yet) so Im not fully aware how people view my apl and aro identities in that regard.

And there is definitely an issue with aspecs trying to enforce NEW norms. They cry about how people are forced into performing romance and sex to fit in but then turn around and tell people they need to love or have friends or family or pets in order to be a good person. It's also very harmful to aspecs bc some of us are loveless or atertiary etc. in ways that aros and aces apparently hate lol. A lot of aros in particular are very platonormative.

The aro community is also rather hostile to romo aros. There are still people who exclude romo aros from the aro label or act like we have to bend over backwards and acknowledge that we are "amatonormative oppressors" for liking romance or feeling some connection to it.

I think also the meme about putting a box away on a tall shelf away from a child is relevant here. The word amatonormative is constantly misused by a lot of aros. I've seen aros call alloromantic apls "amatonormative" and act like "amatonormative" means 'person who engages in romance'.

Its not a term abt engaging in romance or liking it. It's also not an excuse to pressure people to have or like friends either. I think aros should have actual discussions about amatonormativity that aren't just US-centric and about romance(wow do aros love to ignore that monogamy, non-queer, cis, etc. are social categories deemed more valuable under amatonormative societal norms), instead of using it to describe anyone they deem as interested in romance .

On that note, a lot of them use some examples of toxic relationships as reasons to call romance toxic and almost advocate for romance to never exist(which is especially disgusting to see for me, as in my country a lot romance negative conservative rhetoric is literally worded the same way). These people almost never acknowledge that other relationships like friendship can be toxic too.

I think some of these people believe in 'morality of repugnance' in that they think if its something they personally find repulsive in some way, that means its inherently immoral, which is not conducive to having unbiased views of the world, or critical thinking. I think a lot of ppl my age and younger are especially trying to do this because Ive lost count of how many I've seen be like "ewww thats gross/weird and so its wrong/immoral", and literally spouting conservative rhetoric while thinking they're politically liberal/leftists, perhaps with different wording but yeah. (I think that one tumblr post abt ppl in that age range being 'conservative on accident', especially in the united states- though that is concerning given the way ppl from other countries tend to absorb american opinions and such too much, describes this phenomenon)

I think some aros are also still so caught up in how much of a tragedy they think their aromanticism is, and I feel bad for them but thats not all there is to being aro and its a bit weird when ppl act like it is.

I think one of the best things about being aspec for me is feeling more like I can engage in and not engage in relationships (Im only favorable to sexual partnerships w no label other than 'sexual partner', and romance only w two partners as of now, and completely averse to all tertiary/nonrose. before I fully realised my aspec identities i pressured myself to have friends and felt like I'd be obligated to be favorable to nonsexual romance if someone wanted that with me, to 'be an ally to aces', even though it repulsed me. I also felt obligated to want qprs especially after realising Im aro. Realising Im atertiary helped me stop forcing myself to want nonrose relationships.)

Anyways that was a lot of rambling but probably most of my opinions on the aro and some extent aspec community.

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the-mushroom-faerie · 8 months

Text

Operation : Protect Sheppard

John comes out as aromantic, and his team gathers around him in the most chaotically supportive way. (he's actually aro-ace, but they didn't get that far in the conversation)

aroace!John; coming out; the team loves john (platonically); and john loves them (platonically); and the team Will Fight You if u make john uncomfy

"so, like, you don't like when people make advances or what?" Ronan asked, as eloquent as ever. Teyla shot him a look, but John seemed fine to answer.

"I was actually looking stuff up when I first realized it back on Earth. I think the word is aromantic. I just don't... feel that way about anyone, and I don't want people to feel that way about me." he stuttered a bit, and his delivery was awkward, but his point was made.

AR-1 was taking the jumper home, and there was a thick tension in the air. John was scowling, and Rodney was going on a rant about how John is such a Kirk and he gets all the alien women. Teyla and Ronan could tell this was getting next to John, but they couldn't tell why until he slowed the jumper to a stop and jumped up into Rodney's face.

"I don't like that! I don't like any of it! can't you see how uncomfortable I am when something like that happens? I thought you were my friend, but you complain and backhandedly praise me for something I hate and have no control over!"

John looked furious, panicked, and relieved all at the same time. Rodney's face fell in shock and guilt.

"I'm sorry, John. I didn't mean- I didn't know- I'm just sorry."

"no, it's fine. I shouldn't have yelled at you." John seemed to relent at how upset Rodney was. the other two remained silent, unsure of what they could bring to the conversation.

"yes, you should have. me and my big mouth, I was being a terrible friend and I should have noticed that it made you uncomfortable."

"well, I appreciate that."

"so, like, you don't like when people make advances or what?" Ronan asked, as eloquent as ever. Teyla shot him a look, but John seemed fine to answer.

Rodney was deep in thought. "if you don't want people to feel that way about you either, why don't we set up a plan for when someone does try to hit on you?"

"like what?" John seemed very skeptical.

"you could claim you are already in a relationship, and then call one of us over to help with the lie," Teyla suggested. "as all three of us know that you are aromantic, we would be a safe alternative."

"I'm down," Ronan smiled. "I'd beat up anyone who tried something with my partner."

"of course you would," John made a face at him. "so what, I'd just yell I'M MARRIED and one of you would come running?"

Rodney scoffed. "you wouldn't have to yell, exactly. just subtly turn on your radio and say it normally."

"maybe add another codeword to tell us which one would be best." Teyla suggested.

John had scoffed at the idea, but the more he thought about it the more he realised it could work. he smiled at how much his friends loved him, however misguided that love may be. he sat back down in the driver's seat and the four of them ironed out what they affectionately referred to as "Operation : Protect Sheppard" all the way back to the gate. they silently agreed, however, to not speak of the plan in Atlantis, and let this be a private affair.

it only took two missions for a trial run of the plan to be necessary. a personal record, John thought frustratedly as yet another alien woman advanced upon him.

"what say you if we took this... somewhere more private?" the woman smiled at him, her hand uncomfortably on his shoulder. disguising it as him brushing his unruly hair from his face, John activated his earpiece.

"I say, I'm married." he stumbled. it was such an odd statement in his mouth, but it was the agreed upon codeword.

"Oh? and who is this woman who takes your heart?" she didn't seem to believe him. who would be good in this situation? Teyla would probably handle it tactfully, Ronan already admitted he would come in guns blazing, and Rodney would channel all his annoying aspects into one jealous rage. any of those options would be good right now, as he was already panicking.

"we hear you, John. Teyla's on her way." Rodney's voice crackled through the radio, and John silently thanked him for making the choice for him.

"she's an excellent diplomat, and an ambassador for her people," John stalled. he saw Teyla in the corner of his eye, and he held out a hand to her. "as a matter of fact, here's my darling wife now."

"I am Teyla Sheppard, nice to meet you." Teyla smiled, and extended her hand in greeting. John thought the last name was a nice touch, made it very believable. the woman who was previously flirting with him flashed a smile that was closer to a grimace and walked away. John sighed with relief and placed a load-bearing hand on Teyla's shoulder.

"thanks. you did good." he said, still looking stressed.

"was the last name too far?" Teyla asked. "I couldn't exactly ask first, and I didn't want her digging too deep into the lie-"

"no, no. it was a good touch."

that mission went well, much better than Ronan's turn. a rather pushy woman made John's discomfort scale crank all the way up to eleven, and he pulled out the big guns.

literally.

"I'm sure you're very lovely, but I'm married." John uttered the codeword, making sure his radio was on. he put emphasis on every word to make it clear who he wanted. "he's quite the big guy, you wouldn't want to mess with him."

"really? you want Ronan?" Rodney clarified, his voice dripping with disbelief.

"yup, my husband has certainly defeated his fair share of wraith. who knows what he'd do to someone trying to take his man?" John continued, getting more anxious the closer this woman crawled.

"alright, you do you. Ronan's on his way."

several long seconds later, John heard the thundering boom of heavy, running footsteps, and he knew that he was saved. a large arm scooped him away and held him close. Ronan's gun waved suspiciously over John's shoulder, and a very concerning smile was across the larger man's face.

"hi. I'm Ronan." he smiled, glancing at the gun. "this is John. he's mine."

John chuckled nervously, and the woman made a face at the two men.

"if he's taken, why was he so expressive with me?" the woman countered.

"he's a nice guy. he likes being nice."

"I was just being nice. I didn't mean to lead you on." John added. the woman rolled her eyes and walked away. so far, the plan was 100% successful.

"was the gun necessary?" John asked as Ronan holstered said gun and shrugged.

"yeah."

John gave him a look, and the two of them walked away to finish the mission they were there for.

now, as you would expect from getting comfortable using a system, there were a few false alarms. one such false alarm was on an infiltration mission, where John was sent into a party that had the possibility of Genii spies. as he surveyed the room from the bar, a woman seemed to seek him out and sat next to him.

"hi." she started.

"hi." John replied. he couldn't be rude, could he?

"I'm Linda."

"John Sheppard."

an awkward silence. how did Rodney ever make the mistake of believing he was good with people?

"it's quite busy here." Linda stated. oh dear.

"it is."

"a lot of people. where do they even find all these people?" she laughed.

"that is a good question."

"are you here with anyone?"

here it comes. "are you?" he deflected. he didn't want to have to call someone in if she was just making conversation.

"I asked first." she smirked.

alright, better safe than sorry. good thing that the radio was always on, so he didn't have to worry about activating it. "I'm married."

Linda's face twisted in confusion. "do you think I'm hitting on you?"

"you're not?"

"heavens, no! I'm just being nice!" Linda laughed again.

"oh, I guess it was a false alarm." John chuckled, putting a strange emphasis on the last two words hoping that Rodney would hear him and stay where he is.

"you don't have to worry about me," Linda started again. there was an odd familiarity about what she was saying. "I don't do that."

"what, flirt with married men?" John joked.

"flirt with anyone."

that's what's familiar about what she was saying.

"me, too!" John exclaimed excitedly. right as he was about to explain, Rodney ran up to them.

"stay away from my man!" he panted, having obviously ran the whole way there. John smiled at his friend, and turned to Linda.

"this is Rodney. as I was about to say before he heroically came to my aide, he's my friend who pretends to be my husband when I'm in uncomfortable situations. you must not have gotten the false alarm, sorry you had to run all the way over here."

Rodney looked very lost as Linda gasped.

"that's why you randomly said you were married?"

"it was our safe word." John nodded.

"is anyone going to fill me in?" Rodney kept looking between them, getting more confused and frustrated by the second.

"Linda here is in the same boat I am," John said carefully. "we were just... being nice to each other. I got a little nervous, but turns out I had nothing to worry about."

"Oh. thats good, I guess." Rodney mumbled.

"would you like to join us?" John asked, picking up on his friends awkwardness. Rodney nodded, and the three of them sat and chatted for a while. of course, John had to hop up when his target arrived. they were there on a job, after all.

#stargate #stargate atlantis #stargate atlantis fic #sga fanfic #mushroom fic #aroace!john sheppard #john sheppard #teyla emmagan #rodney mckay #ronan dex #platonic ar1 love #aroace #most of the tags up top come from stick #bc idk how to do that lol

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noa-ciharu · 2 years

Text

Whenever I see aro/ace discourses and whether they belong in LGBTQ+ spaces, my initial thought is always the same:

Who are you to decide?

What none tells you about being on aromantic and/or asexual spectrum is how isolating it is. You feel lonely. And it's constant. Lonliness because of identity isn't always overwhelming, but it's present somewhere deep down. You feel lonely not because of lack of sexual/romantic attraction but because of society and amatonormativity.

When I was in elementary school, all my friends had crushes. I never understood that because even if I liked someone, it was always in platonic way. They insisted I couldn't possibly not like anyone and I felt forced to fake a crush. In middle school people started dating each other and I comforted myself with "I'm too young for that, time will come". By the high school I already knew something was "wrong" with me, I wasn't like the others. People began having sex not because they were expected to do that but because they actually wanted to. That was such shock to me, I thought media was exaggerating with passion and attraction but apparently all those things happen irl too. Hence I realized I was "the weird one". I forced myself to have same experiences but it felt more like obligation to me than something I trully wanted. I felt dirty after being touched, it repulsed me. I felt like something is broken within me for not enjoying sex. I could never fall in love. People called me coldhearted, they thought something was wrong with me. Few therapist tried to "fix" me, even set me up on dates. I internalized all of that and began seeing myself as "not normal".

Now that I'm older and know there's nothing wrong with me or being aroace, I still can't shake years and years of "I'm not normal" I experienced. It still haunts me. I hear someone talking about their sexual experiences and part of me still feels "not normal" when seeing how "normal" people live. I feel lonely. Parents insist I must find a partner one day. They don't believe i don't experience romantic attraction towards other people. Outside of aspec communities online, I don't experience any support. When I step outside, I still feel like something is wrong with me. Intentionally or not, society still makes me feel like an outsider. It's because of amatonormativity that roots too deep.

There's nothing wrong with people being romantic or sexual, far from that - but vast majority of cishet folks out there expect me to act same as them. Mere thought of someone looking at me as sexual being makes me cringe. I never felt romantic attraction towards anyone. I don't want to be in a relationship - I'm different from the "rest". It's lonely. Felling of isolation became association to me as part of identity. I don't even form closer platonic bonds because inevitable question of my romantic/sex life would inevitably come. For the longest time I felt like I needed to censor that part of myself. I assimilate with surroundings and hope noone finds out my "little secret".

If we as society educated kids more about LGBTQ+ stuff, then maybe this chronic feeling of isolation in aspec communities would diminish in few generations. However what I can say is that from very early age I experienced romantic/sexual attraction very different from what is considered "standard" - and that is why I relate to LGBT experiences innumerous times more than I will to "standard' heterosexual heteroromantic ones.

So stranger on the internet, who are you to swept all my complicated feelings and experiences regarding sexuality under rug because they can't fit in your narrow definition of how romantic and sexual attraction should be.

#a mini rant #lgbt+#aromantic #asexual #asexuality #aegosexual #aroace #society as a whole is very amatonormative and i wish people outside aro/ace spectrum understood that too #all our lives would be easier #amatonormativity

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a-mel-tomelts · 1 month

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Hi! I'm a charlastor shipper and also Ace with some side Aro, I'm still discovering/struggling with my own sexuality, but I can say I'm Ace.

This is a small rant and I speak this for myself and myself only.

There are lots of things I wanna say about the ship but I can simply say I love it. I think having Alastor in a relationship isn't a bad thing, AceAro can still be in a relationship, it's not black and white, it's a fluid spectrum (for me tbh, idk about what others think).

One thing I felt frustrated about the antis or the fandom in general, they used Alastor own Ace(Aro) card to dismiss charlastor. Now we have the bs father-daughter relationship excuse, not to mention, the bi-erasure.

Bi-erasure aside, people comments under charlastor contents with "but Alastor is Ace(Aro, usually Ace)" screams AceArophobics to me, it implied AceAro people can't have sex, can't be in a relationship, can't have a normal healthy sex life .

At first, it didn't bother me much until I kept seeing "but Alastor is ace" under charlastor contents everywhere. Maybe they didn't realised how AceArophobics they are, but that doesn't mean they should weaponized Alastor own sexuality and comment it under charlastor (or any ships!) posts.

It's hurtful how "X is AceAro" commented is, how the antis or the fandom didn't actually care about AceAro and just weaponized the ace(aro) cards of a fictional character to passive-aggressive toward X ships.

Not all Ace people is sex-replused! Not all Ace people doesn't like sex! Not all Ace people doesn't want to be in a relationship!

There are some personal rants I didn't put it here, but in the end, I don't speak for all AceAro. Nor others AceAro with different opinions speak for me.

But this is how I felt about antis and the people with "Alastor is ace" comments, to me, you're all Ace(Aro)phobics without realising it.

Tw//A lot of swears and rude words. I mention word BDSM and word dominated

Not gonna tag it.

I. Agree. SO much.

AroAce people or people on the spectrum CAN be in relationships and CAN have sex. They can kiss. They can do everything people in relationships do BUT they just would feel it differently! Not all people like this but a lot of aroace people I know like Queer-platonic relationships. The secret third thing between platonic and romantic. I have a friend who is AroAce but she's into BDSM! She doesn't feel sexual attraction AT ALL. But she likes the feeling of power or being dominated in a non-sexual way. (If I see people say "Well, then she's not Ace!" I will kick you.)

Even Markiplier, talking about Lady Demitrisu (how do I spell her name), said he would like to be dominated by her but not in a sexual way. It's about power. If people can fuck without feelings as FWB why can't Aces do the same?

I once was asked "Would you have fwb relationships with someone?" And I said "well, I won't be full on board with that but if it will help my friend - sure"

And you know what answer I got? "This is the most asexual answer"

Yeah. Alastor is ace - but ace people can have sex if they know it will please their partner.

Yes. Alastor is aromatic (I won't say on the spectrum.) but he clearly cares about Charlie and thinks of her as charming. So they can have something even if it will be different.

And since when did people care about sexuality?? Why do we care about fictional character's sexuality instead of real people? I know some people ship Vaggie and Angel. I also know people that ship Angel and Valentino. And you know what? If this person is not someone disgusting and they did no harm. Let them do whatever they want on the internet (it's a slippery slope. But I mean that people do whatever they want RESPONSIBLY). Let them ship some the most amoral things. Let them have their own corner as long as they realize the difference between fiction and reality. My policy will mark me as a "problematic shipper" but I honestly don't care. Pro shipping was never about problematic shipping - it was about respecting all kinds of shipping and ships.

If you are not into something - block it. Control your own space, set boundaries and be the one who makes the first move. A lot of times in life no one will stop talking about the things they like just because you don't like it. It will just make you an asshole to them or they'll think of you as someone weird and irresponsible.

Instead, you leave. You don't go to the place that makes you unhappy. You don't go somewhere just to rant and say "this is unacceptable!" When it's about INTERESTS.

If someone is actually concerning you because they CAN and WILL harm someone - then be aware and go hunting. Otherwise you are a boy that cries wolves.

#sorry for the rant anon #you are valid

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scattered-winter · 1 year

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Give us the rant my liege

(tagging @vulpinesaint because they wanted to see this as well)

ok this is. gonna get long. and im not gonna be holding anything back. and as someone who suffers from chronic Too Nice disease i need to put that disclaimer beforehand with the additional disclaimer that these are all just my opinions that have been largely brought about by my own personal experiences so im not speaking for the entire community when i give this rant.

now with all that out of the way. let me welcome you to the land of aroace WRATH

the first thing i want to say is that most of the things I'm angry abt in fandom's general treatment/views of aro/ace people are actually extensions of the general societal views toward sex and romance as a whole. I'll go more in depth as we go but I'm choosing to focus more on the fandom side of things for now since it's a lot easier to be angry at something so trivial compared to the entire (western) society that's structured against people like me.

one of the biggest things I've seen a lot in fandom/creator spaces is the urge to give every character a romantic relationship that's more "powerful" or "deep" than platonic/familial relationships. this is of course an extension of amanormativity in society as a whole, because the belief that romance is the Goal (tm) is so deeply set into society that it's taken me years of introspection and research to come to terms and find joy in my aromanticism. but it's the concept of characters not being able to be happy, or find fulfillment, or being lonely for the rest of their lives because they don't have a romantic partner. and I wish I could say queers in fandom were generally more accepting of the idea of characters never finding (or even wanting) romance but that's so far from the case because often it's queer people who are pushing this idea of romance and marriage being the Goal.

and with all the above in mind, aro/ace representation is really hard to find. I can probably count the canon aro/ace characters in any media I've ever consumed on one hand (which ofc doesn't say much about the whole scope of aro/ace rep because that's just from what I've seen/read and there's probably more out there that I've never gotten to). and the thing that really upsets me in particular is how, even in the rare instances where we do get representation, fandom collectively ignores it to shove the character into romantic/sexual relationships in fanworks. like. y'all have literally every single character to ship around with and yet y'all also take the one win we have too. smh. and then my Personal Favorite thing (/s) is when someone points out the erasure, allos' go-to thing to say is "well, ace people can still have sex! aro people can still be in relationships!!" y'all are missing the point.

I also can't think of any media I've ever seen where it's unapologetically aro/ace ?? there are quite a few pieces of media that are explicitly, unapologetically queer that I hold sooo close to my chest, but there's nothing for aro/aces outside of like. children's shows. where the romance is minor enough that it can be ignored. and not to be dramatic but I would kill a man for a piece of adult aro/ace media that actually showed the joys and connections within the communities. even media with queer representation tends to lean into the "sex/romance is what makes us human" thing, which I can't even fault the creators for because that's what society as a whole--even queer society--says, too. and of course it's unfair to hold queer media to a higher standard than normal, and that's not what I'm trying to do. it's just. even when I'm watching/reading something meant for queer people, it's still not entirely for me, yknow?? and I think I can feel disappointed about that and also not hold queer media up to a ridiculous standard.

which brings me to more of the irl shit ig !! for all the anger against people saying that aros will be alone their whole lives, there's also some truth to that, but not in the way you'd initially think. I'm not lonely because I want a girlfriend and I'm sad because I don't. I'm lonely because my whole family is going to get married. all my siblings. all my friends. they're all going to find a romantic partner, and/or a marriage, and as "just" a friend, I'm suddenly not as important as their partner. there's this idea that marriages/romantic partnerships always have to come before hobbies, careers, friends, and anything else. and if someone prioritizes something else over romance, they're "selfish." there's also this idea that breakups can only happen if one side of the partnership did something wrong. that sometimes a relationship just isn't working, or they're just not compatible (and neither side is at fault for that.) and this idea of romance and marriage being The Most Important Thing Ever is what makes me lonelier than anything. because even as a kid in school, I lost friends because they got a boyfriend and girlfriend and suddenly that was more important than anything else. including me. and as more and more of my friends and siblings get married, it's only going to get worse because I'm not as important to them anymore. and that's something I'm gonna have to deal with, even though I love being aro and there's nothing I would rather be.

#this ended up way more disorganized and rambly than i was intending but. alas #thats how the inside of my brain be 😔#and id also like to express that a lot of these issues arent caused by anyone in particular.#creators arent picking up their pens going ''im gonna make life hell for aro/ace people today!!!''#it's just. how society is structured. and there's no specific person who's the cause of it.#so when im angry im not angry at anyone in specific im just. angry #anyway this is REALLY rambly and idk if i was clear. its been a long day and my brain functions have fled.#mads 🧠#aroace #asexual #aromantic

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faggilyeverafter · 2 years

Text

I have more thoughts on the way aro vs ace identities are treated actually. I feel like society is much more capable of viewing romantic attraction without sexual attraction as normal, as opposed to sexual attraction without romantic attraction. Obviously this is at least partially caused by the way people view sex as something to keep behind closed doors and sexual attraction is seen as 'dirty' or worth less than romantic attraction still.

Aroallos get seen as very manipulative and a lot of people talk about them as if they're tricking people in to sex with the promise of a romantic relationship, which 1: perpetuates the idea that casual sex can't/shouldn't happen, and 2: treats whoever the aro person is with as naive and unable to consent properly. From what I've seen, arohet men get this the worst.

It feels like when allo people say 'aspec' they just mean ace which kinda sucks because it ignores how varied aspec identities can be. Honestly, as an aroace guy I prefer to call myself aro because people assume I still feel romantic attraction if I say I'm asexual. Aroallos feel free to chime in or correct me

#aro #aromantic #aspec #arospec #aroallo #martyns essay posts

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asexual-society · 8 months

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not really a question but when i first thought that i may be ace i was like "okay i can work with that actually it explains a couple of things" but i was not expecting the aro part and THATS a blow i was not prepare for. like my whole life was build around romance books and films where the main couple was madly in love and i wanted that shit when i was younger and i thought that i had just pretty high standars in partners but now i feel like i am the one who can't reach other people's standars

i don't really know if this makes sense

honestly anon, this makes complete sense, it's suuuper common for aros to feel this way, not necessarily a universal experience but i'd even say it might be pretty close to it (at least from what i've seen), to feel a sense of grief or loss for a life you expected to have, or even a life you wanted to have, and struggling within yourself to reconcile what you want and feel like you should have, with what you feel like you can't have. sure, some aro people do want a romantic relationship, but that doesn't always translate into being able to have one if you feel uncomfortable in romantic situations.

i know you probably hear people putting down platonic relationships or holding romantic ones in higher regard all the time, it's basically impossible to avoid, but those people are wrong. there's no reason you couldn't have a non-romantic relationship that is just as intimate, or emotionally fulfilling, or anything else, as a romantic relationship, if that's still something you want. your life isn't worse than an alloromantic person's, it just looks different.

the standard that's set for romance is a relatively new invention and our collective memory is too short to remember a time before things like the nuclear family; the natural state of human relationships is not what romance stories show. i truly believe that expecting one person, whether that be a romantic partner or otherwise to fill all of our needs is incredibly unhealthy and isolating. we're supposed to be able to rely on communities and families and friend groups,, one person cannot be and do everything, and the chances of being 100% compatible on every level are vanishingly small. this isn't like. anti-monogamy (that's fine if it's what someone wants), but the problem is Not with you, you're not failing to meet people's standards, you don't owe yourself to anyone. if you do want some form of relationship then what you want from it might be a little more niche, but the problem isn't you needing to give up more than you are willing or able to just to fit someone else's weird idea of what their life or yours should look like.

so maybe now you have to find your own ways of dealing with the fact that society at large is so inhospitable to anyone who doesn't fit what it decided was normal, especially with regards to romantic relationships, but you aren't alone in what you feel and there isn't anything wrong with you. maybe you could try reading some stories about aroace people instead of romances (loveless by alice oseman is one i personally adored, but there's all sorts out there). i enjoy romance stories a lot but i find seeing people like me who are happy without romance is genuinely one of the most comforting things.

i really hope this helps, sending hugs <3

~ mod key

#asks #anon #asexual #aromantic #mod key #aro book recs in the comments welcome!

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