#never have I resonated with a fictional character so hard

[p1utofairy]

PAC: “i just wanna be your favorite…” ⭐️🎀💍

• which fictional characters is your person most like?

disclaimer ✩: 18+ mature themes. take what resonates, leave what doesn't. i also just wanna say thank y'all from the bottom of my heart for the support <3 it means so much to me. enjoy!

pile 1 💸 —

"i can't wait 'til i get you on the floor, good-looking. hey, going hot, so hot, just like an oven. and ow! burned myself, i just had to touch it. but it's so fire, and it's all mine."

hiii pile 1! let me start off by saying your person is one fineeee m'fer! they look straight out of an old hollywood movie. suit & tie by justin timberlake ft. jay z won't stop playing in my head lol, their vibe is literally that song. they're gonna love taking you out to fun events and showing you off to people hehe i heard "trophy wife." this isn't in a superficial way by any means, they just really love how you look and how bright your personality shines. you have a mesmerizing appearance and an extraordinary personality to match. i feel like your eyes or their eyes is another main focus that will garner lots of compliments. ok, wow. back to the topic at hand! the characters i channeled were jay gatsby from ‘the great gatsby’, lon hammond from ‘the notebook’, and napoleon solo from ‘the man from U.N.C.L.E.’ now of course your person may not exactly look like these characters but the ✨vibes✨ are very much there. you're gonna have the time of your life with this person lol they are so damn fun and charismatic. i can hear them teasing you and and saying "don't be a brat, baby." with a sly smirk on their face LOL they're gonna make you feel so tingly and giddy inside ahhh. i feel like it was hard for them to settle down before you came into their life pile 1. they wanted to have their cake and eat it too. i mean this person could honestly have whatever they want, but you actually make them work for this relationship and they're not used to that. people (romantically and platonically) just fall for them at the drop of a dime because they are just so damn sexy, and it doesn't help that they're good with their words and actions. i just heard smooth operator by sade and ego by beyoncé at the same time lol this person is seriously a charmer! they can't help it though, they just love to socialize and have a good time. on the flip side, this sometimes weighs them down. the constant attention and socializing can make them feel overwhelmed at times. i'm thinking of ‘the great gatsby’ when jay kept throwing elaborate parties and inviting thousands of people to attend them, so that he could eventually catch daisy's attention. i'm hearing "when you're happy, they're happy!" random thought, but for some of you…your person could be from the UK/have a thick british accent. i also feel like your person is funny af, they've got jokes for dayssssss. they honestly take nothing serious…like if either of you had a bad day at work or just in general, TRUST that they will find a way to turn it around. like it'll actually amaze you how they just go through life vibing and you'll just be like how??? and i can hear them saying "i don't know, babe. i just got it like that." lol they're so cocky (but in an annoyingly hot way) you will never be able to stay mad at them. like if you were being petty and giving them the silent treatment for whatever reason…i can see you getting ready and they'd come up all close behind you, arms around your waist, kissing your neck and they'd be like "you still mad at me, baby?" and your brain would literally malfunction like €|>~€\€,\!|!]€]€YESNOYESNO.!:!,&:’ i'm crying this is hilarious. never a dull moment with them, pile 1. i'm telling ya!

other channeled messages:

theme from new york, new york by frank sinatra, gene kelly, tuxedo, her way by partynextdoor, sophisticated, expensive cologne, j'adore dior, pearly white teeth, cartier watch, swarovski crystals, meet me on the dance floor, babydoll by mariah carey, british, sprinter by dave & central cee, love island, damson idris, i'll make it happen, ballin’ by partynextdoor, diamonds are a girl's best friend

pile 2 💣 —

“who wants that perfect love story anyway, anyway. cliché, cliché, cliché, cliché. who wants that hero love that saves the day, anyway cliché, cliché, cliché, cliché.”

okayyyy pile 2, i see y'all with the bonnie and clyde vibes! let's buckle down and get serious though. i already feel like your person is very misunderstood. they might've had a rough childhood growing up or possibly struggled with connecting to their family. they feel like they fuck things up? they kinda think to themselves "why should i even try to be in a relationship, i'm a mess. i mess things up." it's actually sad because i feel like they're a great person (very soft and gentle) and when things go left/don't work out they immediately blame themselves because the blame was always put on them as a child. i'm hearing it's a "trauma response" :( aw pile 2 i feel like crying…your person really takes it on the chin and keeps it pushing. i can see them sitting on porch steps, gazing at the skyline and kinda just shrugging saying "that's just life i guess." they tend to self-sabotage before things even go into motion but before you two meet, they'll be pushed to confront their problems/fears. they have this cool, in-control, idgaf type of vibe on the outside but internally it's the opposite. i'm hearing pretty little fears by 6lack ft. j cole wow pile 2 they'll really have a soft spot for you. the characters i channeled were damon salvatore from ‘the vampire diaries’, luke glanton from ‘the place beyond the pines’ and tyler durden from ‘fight club’ which are some pretty complex personalities whew. your person is a loner by default, they feel like they really can't depend on many people. they've been left out in the cold so many times it's like they had no other choice but to become independent fast. when they meet you, pile 2…you're going to awaken them. i'm hearing j cole's verse in pretty little fears, “i'm loving your light, vulnerable. letting your guard down is honorable. 'specially when the past ain't been that friendly to you, but…there's magic in that.” it's gonna be insane to them how someone like you could display so much love, care and devotion towards them. i can see them keeping a really cute picture of you (or you two together) in their wallet/bag and just staring at it with a small smile on their face. you give them so much hope pile 2. they never knew they were capable of such strong emotions; love, happiness, joy. i can see you two laughing about something…you have this big grin on your face and when you turn your head to look at them, you just see them with a dopey smile on their face and a glint in their eyes just staring at you in awe. and you're just like "what?" but you don't even know how much you really mean to them in that moment. I'M ABOUT TO BURST INTO TEARS PLS I CAN'T. they're not used to anything stable, but you give them hope and anticipation for their future…with you. y'all are going to have to have so many enlightening, deep and forward-thinking conversations. i see them holding your hand and kissing your knuckles, taking random drives at night together while blasting music and going to the movies and talking/debating afterwards about what you hated and what you loved. k i'm crying, bye!

other channeled messages:

west coast by lana del rey, west side, successful relationship, turning tables by adele, cigarettes out the window by tv girl, well my boyfriend's in a band, ultraviolence album, someone like u (interlude) by ariana grande, toxic upbringing, scorpio moon, aries, smoking weed, american psycho, it's a forever thing

pile 3 🐚 —

“every little thing you do got me feeling some type of way. when you gimme that thunder you make my summer rain.”

welcome to your reading pile 3! idk why i wanted to say pile 333 hehe let's take that as a sign that you're about to meet your person soon. your person is so easy-going…like their energy feels so carefree and warm; like a nice summer breeze (i feel like some of you that chose this pile watch/really love the summer i turned pretty) i can see your person adjusting their sunglasses and saying "i'm just happy to be here." they're such a vibe lol. ok and why did i just randomly hear "no you're cute jeans." their sense of humor is so sjhfjdjcjdsn y'all are gonna have a lot of inside jokes together; internet memes especially. that "i'm sorry, i'm just in a silly goofy mood" shemar moore video just popped up in my head LMFAOOOO your person is hilarious pile 3. i channeled johnny storm from ‘fantastic four’, chad meeks-martin from ‘scream vi’, stefan salvatore from ‘the vampire diaries’ and conrad fisher from ‘the summer i turned pretty’ which are all pretty different but i see the vision pile 3…i see the vision. i feel like your person has just gotten back to themselves, because for awhile they weren't this upbeat and silly. i feel like this has to do with a past hurt/betrayal from either a friend or an ex-lover…that person took them for granted and made them feel small. i just randomly heard "katherine pierce" so maybe that person was very sneaky and never had good intentions in the first place. when they're with you though, they feel like a moth drawn to a flame. best friend by 50 cent just came to mind, "if i was your best friend, i want you 'round all the time. (i want you 'round me all the time) girl, i'll be your best friend if you promise you'll be mine (girl, promise you'll be mine)." i see you both posting funny photo dumps of you two together on instagram/instagram stories. i feel like y'all will be a PDA couple, and even if you aren't one of those type of people that likes all that…they're definitely gonna make you so happy that people visibly see the love between the two of you. i can see them kissing the side of your head, you slightly leaning into them…them giving you their hoodie/jacket to wear when you're cold. it's subtle things like that 🥹 so so so cute. you two have a very sacred, beautiful and divinely protected relationship. your person will be very generous with their time, money and love when it comes to you pile 3.

other channeled messages:

there goes my baby by usher, one in a million by ne-yo, connie baby, it's your world i'm just living in it, positions by ariana grande, unlock it by charlie xcx ft. kim petras & jay park, right my side by nicki minaj ft. chris brown, long walks on the beach, forever boy, vintage camera/digital camera, breakin’ my heart (pretty brown eyes) by mint condition, taylor swift, peter parker

pile 4 🌹—

“moment of honesty. someone's gotta take the lead tonight, who's it gonna be? i'm gonna sit right here and tell you all that comes to me. if you have something to say, you should say it right now.”

heyyy pile 4. i'm kinda stunned rn cause your person is sooooooooo captivated by you. like they wanted to skip all the bullshit and get right into it, and honestly…i #respect it. they think you're an absolute badass, you handle tough situations with so much grace. i'm hearing "you're better than me." lol they play no games pile 4, especially when it comes to you! i'm hearing that you've been through a lot, and it hasn't been easy for you to get to the point in your life that you're at now. they just wanna kiss you and make everything better. kiss it better by rihanna just started playing, "kiss it, kiss it, better baby." yeah your person is sensual af pile 4, it's givingggg taurus vibes. this is random af but i feel like they really love your back? if you wear a backless top or a backless dress, they will go absolutely FERAL. like fingers ghosting down your spine, their lips kissing down your neck…and don't get me started on the eye contact. their gaze is INTENSE. i’m hearing lyrics from nobody by selena gomez, "no kiss, no lips, no feel, no rush can keep me high, i swear no one…can love me like you do. can love me like you do, no." the characters i channeled were tobias eaton from ‘divergent’ and anakin skywalker from ‘star wars prequel trilogy’ which is so on brand. those 2 did not play about tris and padmé, ok?! you are their whole world pile 4. if it's not you, they don't want it. they feel so relaxed around you…like they can finally breathe. i can see them standing in a serious stance (obviously tense af) pondering about something and you just come behind them and wrap them in a big bear hug and they just…melt. they finally take that deep breath that they didn't even realize they were holding in for so long. they usually keep their feelings to themselves, but you create such a great safe space for them to be so open, honest and vulnerable; and vice versa. i'm also hearing that they are a very hands-on type of person, so whatever you need done/fixed, they sure as hell will find a way to do it for you. i can also see you two chilling/relaxing together a lot. don't get me wrong this person will always find something for you two to do, but there's something about that downtime (watching a movie while cuddled up with you on the couch, spending time with you and your loved ones/friends or taking a late night drive with you) that makes them think to themselves, "damn i really love life." 😮‍💨 you've got them locked in pile 4. it's so sweet & amazing.

other channeled messages:

1 of 1, peppers by lana del rey ft. tommy genesis, skywalker by miguel ft. travis scott, adore by cashmere cat ft. ariana grande, it's us against the world baby, 90210, pisces, dream guy, sauvage cologne, miss dior, sagittarius rising, virgo's groove by beyoncé, 1:11, best i ever had (remix) by drake & nicki minaj, all i want is you by miguel ft. j cole, bouquet of flowers, tennis bracelet, wild thoughts by dj khaled ft. rihanna & bryson tiller, cpr by summer walker

#pac #pac reading #love pac #pick a card #love reading #intuitive reading #tarot reading #pick a pile #energy reading #tarot pac #pick a card reading #p1utofairy

[the-peak-tmnt]

Hey The Neon Void readers, quick update from the author's sister!

(art commission by @kaysdenofchaos)

Hi readers of The Neon Void fanfic. This is the author’s older sister. She’s been getting a lot of fan art and asks lately. She’s sent me screenshots of a few unanswered ones looking for advice on how to respond.

While all the love and support of TNV is genuinely appreciated, my sister @sugarpasteltmnt is not equipped to respond to a small handful of these asks/comments that are, quite frankly, inappropriate.

Sugarpastels is not a therapist, and she’s certainly not an internet stranger’s therapist.

She’s an adult with an extremely demanding and stressful job for a very large client. Some of you have already experienced and enjoyed her work IRL without knowing it. Her company is close to finishing another project that will bring a lot of joy to hundreds of thousands of people every year, but working on a project of that scale is extremely stressful.

She is writing this fanfic for fun. TNV is a way for her to decompress and put her creative energy towards something other than work.

What’s not fun is coming home to asks/comments from readers who are projecting their own struggles/mental health onto TNV, and even Sugarpastels herself, and demanding some sort of attention from her over it.

Let’s be real: it’s fun to watch our blorbos suffer! So much of fandom is just us putting our favorite characters in Situations because it’s fun. Simple as that. But I think another reason TNV has resonated so strongly with readers is because of the way Sugarpastels writes the internal struggles of these characters.

We are both aware that TNV deals with mental health topics. Since the early days of “modern” fandom, fanfiction has been a way for people to explore complicated, difficult and sometimes even taboo subjects. There’s no shortage of complex feelings being explored in TNV, which is why we’re all having so much fun reading it.

But that’s all it is; an exploration. Sugarpastels is not a mental health expert. I’ve read a handful of books on PTSD and mindfulness for research while writing my own fanfic, and I would never consider myself prepared to help someone else.

It’s okay if you relate to things from TNV. I know I do! Again, fanfic has always been a way to read about things rarely dealt with (or handled poorly) in published fiction/tv shows/movies. I will always argue one of the greatest things about fanfiction and other fanworks is being able to see ourselves and our own struggles through our favorite fictional characters.

But Sugarpastels is not a fictional character. She’s a real person. Most importantly (to me at least) she’s my little sister, and this big sister cannot handle watching some of her readers expect more of her than is appropriate.

So I’m asking you to please be mindful of what you ask/say to not just her, but literally everyone on the internet. Unless you’re chatting with someone regularly, they do not know you. Whether it’s friends, family, teachers, coaches, etc, there are people in your life who know you personally, and are therefore better equipped to help you than a stranger on the internet.

Sugarpastels is so full of empathy that it’s hard to not feel for you when you send things like this. But it just isn’t fair to put that kind of unnecessary pressure on someone who is, at the end of the day, just trying to have some fun writing about ninja turtles bein’ sad.

(That being said, PLEASE DON’T BE SCARED TO SEND HER ASKS AND FAN ART!!! They make her day every single time and are seriously so, so appreciated. She’s texting me about it constantly how much she loves all of TNV’s readers. This whole post is really directed at an extremely small percentage of her readers, but there have been enough I felt something needed to be said.)

#ok back to writing about sad turtles! #tmnt #the neon void #the neon void fic #the neon void tmnt #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt fanfic #tmnt fic

[indigovigilance]

The Final Fifteen is about Terry Pratchett's Death

read on Ao3

The final fifteen is obviously a major plot point, and serves a role in a story that was written long before Terry Pratchett was ever diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. But the scene itself wasn’t written until just a few years ago, during the writing of Season 2. In fact, the scene came about during a park bench conversation between Neil Gaiman and John Finnemore.

Others have noted that the non-romantic kiss that signals the story moving into the third act is a Neil Gaiman staple. The function of such a kiss, from Gaiman’s perspective, is to communicate.

In 2023 we are seeing a lot of stories written by men, for men, about men who are best friends and discover that their friendship can go deeper than the norms of society would usually allow; that platonic and romantic love are not so far apart, and perhaps the better word for a relationship that can be described this way is intimacy.

Neil Gaiman has made it clear in interviews that his friendship with Terry Pratchett was deeply intimate. They began collaborating on what would become Good Omens in the 1980’s, endured a tumultuous experience together through the first publication, wherein Neil offered to martyr himself on behalf of Terry if the book failed, and then spent the better part of two decades touring the world, meeting the people who loved their work. Neil would even off-handedly remark that Terry’s fans were so cheerful, and Neil’s seemed like they were ready to kill themselves; wouldn’t it be nice if they got married? From the outside, it looks very much as if Terry was Aziraphale-coded, and Neil was Crowley-coded, working together in an unexpected partnership to make the world a little bit more tolerable for the humans inhabiting it. I am not conjecturing that Neil and Terry had romantic inclinations the way their fictional characters do, but I think it is fair to say that their opposites-attract intimacy became an important part of who each of them were.

In 2007 Terry Pratchett was diagnosed with posterior cortical atrophy, a rare form of Alzheimer’s. As the disease progressed, he began to lose himself, and knew that the person he used to be was slipping away. He wanted to end his life on his own terms, and die as himself, but England did not and still does not allow for voluntary euthanasia or assisted suicide. He advocated for the right to die but never achieved it, and ultimately succumbed to the disease in 2015. Neil Gaiman has spoken a lot on the topic of death, and one answer of his that resonated with me reads:

Mostly it feels terrible. It even feels terrible when it’s someone who has been in a lot of pain for a long time or has not really been there for a long time and you know that Death has in some ways been a blessing: suddenly you are mourning the whole person. 

It doesn’t get easier as you age. It gets stranger. The point where you realise how many people you used to know and like who aren’t there any longer, and you cannot talk to them or see them or laugh with them is painful in a way that I had never expected. The first time that someone you had a romantic relationship with dies and you realise that there had been moments both of you shared and now you are the sole custodian of those moments and one day you will be gone and they will be lost forever is peculiarly strange and hard. 

~~~

The entire show is seeded with references to Terry Pratchett, but the most important one is the one that’s missing. Neil Gaiman cameoed as a sleeping moviegoer in S1E4, but a long time ago, he and Terry had discussed cameoing as sushi restaurant-goers, because sushi was weirdly prominent in the book. That cameo would have been in S1E1. But when it came time to do it, Neil couldn’t. Not without Terry. 

Neil: I was gonna say our location is a Chinese restaurant we’d had turned into a sushi restaurant. So Terry and I, Terry Pratchett and I, had a standing… not even a standing joke, just a standing plan, that we were going to have sushi - there was going to be a scene in Good Omens where sushi was eaten and we were gonna be extras, we were gonna sit in the background, eating sushi while it was done. And I was so looking forward to this and, so I wrote this scene with it being sushi, even though Terry was gone, with that in mind and I thought: Oh, I’ll sit and I’ll eat lots of sushi as an extra, this will be my scene as an extra, I’ll just be in the background. And then, on the day, or a couple of days before, I realized that I couldn’t do it.

Douglas: You never told me this before either. I might have pushed you into doing it, had I known. I think you were right not to tell me.

Neil: I was keeping it to me self ‘cause I was always like: Oh, maybe I’ll be… this will be my cameo. And then I couldn’t. I was just so sad, ‘cause Terry wasn’t there. And it was probably the day that I missed Terry the most of all of the filming - it was just this one scene ‘cause it was written for Terry and all of the sushi meals we’d ever had and all of the strange way that sushi ran through Good Omens.

~~~

In the Final Fifteen, it is clear that Crowley and Aziraphale want to stay together. They love each other. They each know that the other loves them. There’s nothing that needs to be said, no convincing that their bond is true and real and precious.

But Aziraphale has to go to Heaven, and Crowley cannot follow him there.

I cannot speculate what it must have been like for Neil to endure losing a friend who, though I’m sure he desperately wanted to still be in his life, he also knew that life had become a burden to him, and grieved that Terry was not able to choose the time and manner of his departure from this Earth. This sort of complex grief, we fan-ficcers know, is the kind that is often best processed through story-telling. 

I think that what we see Crowley going through in the Final Fifteen, alongside its importance to the story arc of Good Omens overall, is Neil processing his grief at losing his friend Terry Pratchett, and even the kiss, that violent, terrible, awful kiss, was the symbolic representation of Neil saying goodbye.

#neil gaiman #terry pratchett #aziraphale #crowley #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens meta #ivoc #this meta ended up being only about 2/3 the length of my usual metas and somehow that feels appropriate because Terry's life ended too soon #and the jarring brevity of this piece parallels that feeling of sudden unexpected loss #for me anyways I don't know about you guys #if this made your eyes even slightly moist you are obligated to reblog to help someone else feel their feels #I don’t make the rules #but them is the rules #blessed by Beelzebub

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 6

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

propaganda under the cut

Jesper Fahey (Six of Crows)

No Propaganda

Crowley (Good Omens)

"He's gender. He's been in love with one guy for literally 6000 years and then royally fucks up his entire confession. He yells at his plants. He drapes himself over every fucking surface he sits on. He walks like *that*. He just fuckin makes sounds sometimes. He's me fr."

Dave Strider (Homestuck)

"everything that can be said about Dave's relatability will probably sound redundant, clichéd, or overdone if you are at all familiar with tumblrs sort of blorbo culture. this is exactly why he should be in this tournament.

stop me if you think that you've heard this one before: he hides his genuine emotions behind a persona, deflects sincerity with jokes, but also has a deep desire for validation and connection, so that his persona has many cracks where little bits of his true self slip through. deeply insecure, compares himself to others. a defeatist streak, avoids responsibility. does not wish to be troubled by The Horrors. he just wants to hang out and do his lil creative hobbies (making music and drawing comics). talks a lot to the point of being pretty awkward, rambling, and accidentally saying stuff he shouldnt.

all these things I think tend to resonate deeply with a lot of people, especially on Tumblr - that "person who is insecure and struggles with emotional openness so copes by making jokes" sort of trope, it's just like kin bait (affectionate). he also has a complicated relationship with gender which I know many find relatable (shout out to the "Dave homestuck was my trans awakening" homies) but whether it's about figuring out gender or sexuality or trauma or the apocalypse or anything else, Dave comes at it with an initial, learned, fear and reluctance that I think a lot of people have experienced, because it's very human and very much a part of many readers experiences (we live in a society). but he's always good, and likeable and that makes for a very important sort of relatable character. very comforting. even if he's a mess and he's an idiot you can believe he can get to something better, and you can watch him develop and grow.

also, I think he's extremely relatable because he never really knows what's going on in the comic either. I mean, that's gonna be relatable to most people Vis a vis homestuck. he's confused and he just wants to vibe and make his friends laugh. WHO AMONG US cannot relate?? I do not believe you if you say no.

I wrote too much and got way too weird about it. I'm sorry it's late I'd edit down but I really don't have the brain capacity.. which is very Dave core of me actually"

Junior (Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race)

"i relate to him a lot because his whole character is being embarrassed of his dad who tries too hard to be cool, but still loves him anyways. that is literally me"

Kim Dokja (Omnicient Reader's Viewpoint)

"kim dokja. oh kim dokja. so, without going into spoilers too much, kim dokja is very much a character you are expected to relate to and it makes the novel DEVASTATING. here's just a few things about him: - he is obsessed with a particular piece of media, and finds comfort in it when real life doesn't give him any. he's constantly thinking about it and defending it and trying to recommend it to other people (even though no one else bothers reading it, because it is an objectively bad 3000-chapter webnovel). even beyond that one novel, he's been using fiction as an escape for just about his entire life, something that rings true for a lot of people, especially in the modern world. - he struggles with socializing with other people. the first chapter alone gave me so much second hand embarrassment. it's so real but god it's So bad. he has zero friends and has that sort of loneliness where you're miserable but you can't really bring yourself to feel anything but resigned to it. in general he is just very Resigned to his unfortunate life and can't fully understand or accept it when it finally does get better - he has a complicated relationship with his mother. it's the kind of relationship where the parent genuinely does love their child, but they fail to give them what they need & have to accept that they hurt their kid and that they cannot be the most important person in their life. it's certainly not a universal experience but those sorts of parent-child relationships are woefully common but scarcely acknowledged -the insecurity. god there is so much insecurity in that man. it's hard to even completely tell it's there at first, because it's so ingrained in how he thinks that you don't question it until you know more about his character and suddenly it's all too apparent. he cannot believe that he can be loved (or, if that he can be, that they certainly would not be able to love all of him, only what he chooses to show them), and is selfless but like. the literal meaning of the word, where he will throw away all of his being for the people he loves. in general there is a lot of sacrifice as a love language which like. while i'm not off around throwing myself in front of magic death beams for people or anything i sure would give up everything i could if it meant helping the people i love - ok enough of that. here's some funny things i can relate to. the guy meets his favorite fictional blorbo and instead of worshipping him instead he bullies him constantly and internally complains about how unbearable he is both in the book and in real life. it's like a "i love my blorbo. i would not last 2 seconds in a room with him." You know. he gets so caught up in his fanon characterizations and biases about characters that he completely mischaracterizes them like constantly. he literally kills a guy half because he was his least favorite character. -this is a poll about blorbo relatability. therefore i must mention that kim dokja too related to his blorbo (or at least attempted to) and what is more relatable than that. anyways. kdj made me realize far too much about myself and is by far the most i have ever related to a character (and i Hate it). and tumblr would definitely relate to him too so :thumbs-up:"

"(SPOILERS) He is literally all of us. Reader. Just some guy. And then insane tragic backstory. But he’s also just some guy. He’s special and also just a guy. He’s also god. He can be shipped w anyone. He has versatility and interests and motivations. He also never tells anyone anything ever. He is so me."

"He reads a trashy, long-ass novel as a coping mechanism and doesn't think he's capable of being loved. Bro dissociates when he's emoting too much."

"I'm a homestuck fan, a Dave Strider fan even Never heard of Omnicient Reader's before Voted for the kim fellow because judging by the propaganda it looks like he himself would be a homestuck reader therefore making him more relatable than the homsetuck character himself"

"This guy’s been my companion since I was 11, I’ve grown up with Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint and I think that’s pretty funny since he grew up with Ways of Survival (the 3149 chapter novel) and therefore I’m straight up mirroring him. I, too, scare everyone off by being too enthusiastic whenever the webnovel is brought up! His insecurities are severe but I do see myself in some parts of him (which is worrying but whatever.) He is absolutely The Guy Ever. Utterly pathetic wet cat of a man. I love him. He represents the crazy fandom tumblrina in all of us."

Donutella (Tokidoki)

"she's made of donuts basically like me at this point"

#tumblr tournament #tumblr polls #character bracket #character tournament #preliminaries #jesper fahey #six of crows #crowley #good omens #dave strider #homestuck #junior total drama #total drama #the ridonculous race #kim dokja #omniscient reader's viewpoint #donutella #tokidoki

[sneezypeasy]

*sigh*

Y'know, this really doesn't/shouldn't matter, but as this particular accusation keeps getting thrown at me over and over again - oh fuck it, I'm gonna take the bait this one time and set the record straight once and for all. Honestly my "appetite" in this context is truly not anyone's business (and if you don't care to hear about it this is the one warning you'll get to click away lmao) but I've reached the point where if you really wanna attack my credibility based on who you think I enjoy fantasizing about, I'm gonna throw you a bone and tell you exactly what type that is - cuz as much as I'm sick of the ad hominem attacks the Aussie in me is even more sick of watching them miss so fucking hard. If you're gonna roast me, the least you can do is hit me where it hurts, goddamn it. Get it right or go home you uncooked noodles. Capiche?

When it comes to my taste in men, my "type" is: big, strong, hairy brutes. There, I said it. Give me lumberjacks, give me cavemen, I want my Jason Momoas, I want my Ma Dong-Seoks, I want them broad shoulders and tree-trunk calves and I wanna see those muscles bulge. If a fictional character ever gets me biting my lip at the screen, it's never gonna be a fine-featured pretty boy, it's gonna be a good thick daddy who can take my wrists, pin me against a wall and [--------------------------------‐---sustained bleep sound effect---------------------------------]

1:38-1:51 🤣

Personality wise, I'm a basic bitch who has approximately zero defenses for the "jerk with a heart of gold" stereotype. Gets me every time, without fail. The smooth-talking playboy who flirts with everyone and who could bed anyone he wanted, but who only lets you see him at his deepest, dearest, most vulnerable moments? Sorry, am I supposed to not fall for that shit or something? Well frankly I don't understand how and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If he happens to be built like a fortress on top of that? Yeah, I'm done. Have me bathed and brought to your tent, sir, please and thank you.

I admit, it's rare that a character with the physique I like also has that heartbreaker personality I'm a sucker for. Guys in fiction are usually strong and mean or they make up for their lighter frames with silver tongues and barbed promises - rarely do writers create a character who's stacked with both brains and brawn, so to speak. Makes sense though, as while irl people can max out any combination of stats that they put effort towards - in fiction a character who's too good at too many different attributes can come across unbalanced or Gary Stu-ish and will fail to resonate with audiences unless the writer really knows what they're doing.

That being said, there really isn't any character in ATLA who fits my type - either of them, actually. There are some bit characters like Chit Sang who get close in terms of physical build - but Chit Sang has very gaunt, angular facial features that I'm really not a fan of and tbh, while I get that I can't expect all my big buff boys to also be masters of wit and cunning and charm, being dumber than a box of rocks does seal it for me, sorry. In terms of personality, I guess the closest character would be Jet, and he's cool and all but yeah, the whole "would go as far as killing kids" thing makes him a bit of a hard sell for me too. (And yes, it's worth questioning the writers' choices to create him with those flaws to begin with but look, that's a discussion for another day 😂)

All this to say, if you wanna tease me about coveting fictional characters and allowing thirst to cloud my judgment - COME AT ME BOYS. But not with Zuko, for fuck's sake. The character that makes sneezy.exe blue-screen ain't him. It's actually the late great Carthaginian General Hannibal Barca, the man the myth the legend may he Rest in Peace if anyone's seriously wondering. Look, I do like the scar, and the awkwardness is endearing - he's definitely not ugly or unappealing by any means so please don't misunderstand, I'm not trying to bash him or nothin' - but if I'm being brutally honest, he's not my type! Not physically, not even emotionally. If I ship Zutara, it's because aspects of the ship appeal to me that are unrelated to my personal opinion of Zuko as an object of fantasy, which if you must know (and now you do, congratulations, you're welcome), the kind of boy I do fantasise about when I'm in the mood for that sort of thing could literally and figuratively sweep Zuko off his feet - and then sit on him. In either order.

P.S. While we're on this topic, the character I personally relate to most heavily is not Katara either btw. It's Toph. If you're going to accuse me of bias, questioning my views on Toph would make the most sense for that reason. But really, it's hardly my fault that she's basically the most perfect flawless irreproachable badass in ATLA or practically all of animation as a whole. Come on now. *whistles innocently*

#anti anti zutara #fandom nonsense #zuko's nice and all but if you want him you can have him #seriously #I'm good thanks 👍 #if he were built more like the Hound in GOT #well now we're talking 🤣 #text post #long post #rebutting antis like Iroh teaching that mugger to mug better #LOL #Youtube

[utilitycaster]

Whoaaaa holy shit something just snapped into place reading you mention the concept of creating a shape of negative space bc i've been thinking so long abt the "unspoken things/quiet part" of characters. I've often had this feeling that fandom will go a million and nine yards to red string board an ocean of depth for their favorite blorbo over.... what comes down to what's technically extrapolating based off of xyz canon, but said canon will be like "this character fidgets once, half his dialogue is quoting an in-universe play he tries to recreate (by ruining ppl's lives), and he doesn't understand why someone wouldn't want to be called a monster, therefore he is AUTISTIC and that drives his logic," or "this character has xyz vague background and is TRAUMATIZED because of WAR" inventing an entire character and it's like. Oh boy. This might be a matter of not being invested enough in these characters to TRY and delve so "deep" but I keep thinking that none of this is actually. written or feels purposeful in the context of How Storytelling Works/the Narrative to MAKE me invest or think that it's worth doing so. I always wonder how many people are trying so hard to project a better story onto something without understanding that the story actually needs to BE THERE and ADDRESSED, even subtly, and token moments aren't enough. But then that gets me thinking about how Thereness needs to exist for something to be subtle but written as opposed to Conspiracy off loose projection.

I was kinda thinking abt Laudna and how to use her as an example, because she's one of those characters for whom like, yeah I as a person totally understand the cycle of being upbeat and normal and everything and then having a random spiral of Bad Upstairs before being normal again, but narratively how do you portray that and why does everyone do it so much better than her. With equal screentime, everyone feels like they have so much more meat to their motivations and psychology despite some being significantly less fraught backstory wise. What's happening here because things just feel like they come out of nowhere with her with "oh so that matters all of a sudden?"

Hi anon,

Yes to all of this! With regards to your first paragraph - I feel that a lot too. It's a tricky situation because I think it's completely valid to project things onto characters and imagine them to have specific qualities that either you have or simply that you wish to see in fiction. It only becomes difficult in a fandom sphere when people insist that this is a fully evidence-based endeavor and not a personal interpretation (especially because a lot of that evidence is, as you say, either very much open to interpretation, or else totally spurious. The number of times I've had to shoo people off my posts for talking extensively about how an immensely self-absorbed character who never thinks about others unless forced to clearly has ADHD...but I digress). And as for the conspiracy element, especially when works aren't as good - absolutely. If you haven't read this, which I reblogged a few weeks ago (has Good Omens 2 spoilers) I highly recommend you do because what you're saying resonates a lot with OP's post, both in terms of our need as fans to project or find similarities with characters, and the fact that when people are disappointed by a work sometimes they try to create a better one, but instead of just writing fanfiction and calling it fanfiction they go full conspiracy theorist and assume there's some secret twist, and fall so hard into that all-crumbs-no-schnitzel (to borrow a metaphor from that post) fanon echo chamber they forget it is, in fact, only fanon.

Which brings us to Laudna. Before I go deeper I want to cover three things. First: for me at least, this criticism comes because I know Marisha is capable of doing this negative space work. It didn't come up much with Keyleth since we kind of knew her whole deal very early (which, to be clear, is valid; not every character needs this), but it's present with both Beau (her relationship to her father is masterfully done; the hallmark of good negative space work is that when the reveal comes you say oh of course) and to a lesser extent Patia, who, like all the Calamity characters, conveys a story much greater than the one that unfolds over a single night. Second: I think part of why a number of us in the fandom are so frustrated is that we have been doing that work of generously interpreting Laudna since the beginning, but nothing ever sticks, so it's becoming less and less worth the effort.

I'd have to go back through my archives pretty extensively, but early on, the going expectation for Laudna was that she would explore the idea of being one of the bystanders in a larger story as someone killed simply because of a passing resemblance to someone the Briarwoods wished to send a message to; that we'd get insight into Whitestone during the occupation from someone who wasn't freed by Vox Machina but rather killed, indirectly, because of them. However, not only have we not gotten that, but she also was chosen for being special: Delilah chose her as a vessel because of her inherent sorcery. So then it was perhaps about that tension between finding power in her sorcery vs. warlock levels - Pâté seemed like a clear setup for Pact of the Chain, after all - but then Marisha admitted she had no intention of taking that third warlock level, and always just planned to play Laudna as exclusively leveling in sorcerer, until FCG attacked. And meanwhile, there's no exploration of those sorcery powers, either.

Speaking only for myself, I've been interrogating "hey, why is her backstory that she was chased out of everywhere but for the most part everyone is mostly fine with her?" and "in 30 years she did nothing about Delilah? Really?" for quite some time. There's a number of questions that are not just unanswered, but lack the hints that this negative space work would provide. And to be clear there are ways to explain those things! This meta does a good job of talking through why she may have been chased out, and I've floated, in the past, that even Delilah's unwelcome presence was better than the absolute silence of being truly alone. But the work to support these fandom theories, again, is not really being done at the table, and moreover, even if it starts being done...it's episode 70. It should have come up in some capacity.

Marisha said (to be clear, somewhat jokingly) in the 2022 ComicCon panel that "Yeah. I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired," re: Laudna but the thing is...honestly, in my opinion? A character with Laudna's premise requires far more work than Beau or Keyleth to do well. Not only is she tied into one of the most famous events and entwined with one of the most famous villains of Campaign 1, but she's got 50 years of backstory! Beau and Keyleth are in their early 20s! (I could make a whole other post about this but character intelligence does not equal how hard they are to play; Imogen is an immensely tough concept that Laura's doing a good job with and she's lower INT than Laudna. I'd rather play a wizard than a character like Grog any day of the week because I genuinely believe that the acting burden for making a character like Grog sympathetic and believable without going into cheap mockery and parody is immense).

Going back to that statement, it really does feel as though every 4-Sided Dive episode or panel, when Marisha talks about Laudna, it's always just that she was envisioned as being over her trauma, and the premise was always just "make that creepy girl from her nightmare". And even then: it's fine if she'd done that - simply made a creepy character who was here to be creepy and cheerfully macabre - but through gameplay it's become clear that Laudna is not over that trauma (her arrested development being one of many options), and has acquired new traumas to boot, and for that matter never was really over it given that she displays intensely but they come up so inconsistently that there's never any follow-through. I agree with you completely that the idea of her often seeming fine and happy and then having spirals is believable and true to life, but one does need to actually follow through on the spirals - I think a lot of us finally threw up our hands when Laudna's believable, well-played, and justifiable anger and resentment after being thrown across the world away from half the party, essentially pushed into a fight that isn't her own, being betrayed by Bor'Dor, and feeling Delilah's return melted away without resolution. If you want to make a character who's over their trauma and go-with-the-flow, I feel as though step 1 is to not have an eternal reminder of one's trauma permanently stuck in one's head. "Warlock who dislikes their patron" is actually a premise that requires quite a lot of thinking and effort, and we are consistently not seeing it.

I think what's most telling is that the defense of Laudna for the weird freakout this past episode is both vehement, and in conflict with itself. Is Marisha just making a joke (that didn't really land with anyone at the table nor much of the fandom, and was taken at least semi-seriously by both)? Or is it actually great and good that Laudna is incredibly traumatized and clingy and we should all hope she becomes even more clingy and codependent? When even the people who are shielding Laudna from even a whisper of criticism can't agree what Marisha's doing, it's pretty dire, especially when that criticism is "this character feels directionless and incoherent."

So getting back to negative space: It's my hunch that there just...wasn't a lot of clarity to Laudna's motivations, and the questions in her backstory weren't answered. She's creepy and she's kooky, Sun Tree corpse, Delilah in her head, met Imogen two years ago, was friends with a little girl at some point (which we only know from 4-Sided Dive, which is, to be clear, bad that it's never come up in-game). We don't know how she feels about her sorcery powers other than a vague enjoyment of their creepiness...but she also sees them as a way out from Delilah...but she also barely engages with Delilah and hasn't done anything to get rid of her. We have no sense of how she got to "the worst thing that's happened to me already happened" because while it's completely fair to play her as feeling that way 30 years later, I highly doubt she felt that way as she cut herself down from the Sun Tree. So as a result, it's hard to pick a direction because that foundation is lacking.

The thing about that negative space is that to do it well, you really need to know what you're trying to convey. Which is also why, as you say, characters with much simpler backstories are fine; Fearne was basically hanging out at her grandmother's place until EXU and her parents left when she was very young; she is curious about her parents and loves her grandmother and is a chaotic fey entity who was sent into the Material Plane with the Weave Lens, and mostly she just wants to explore and have fun and hang out with her friends. Ashley just needs to...play Fearne like that, which she does with aplomb. The complex setup for Laudna demands a huge number of answers in the backstory, and my guess is that Marisha does not have them. I think the problem isn't with the acting (in fact, I'm fairly confident it isn't, because, again, I know from past characters Marisha can do this); it's that Laudna's concept prioritized the aesthetic, mechanics, and facts of the backstory, and didn't adequately fill in her beliefs and motivations, so she's just flailing. I also suspect from the most recent 4-Sided Dive and the most recent SDCC panel that Marisha is specifically looking for interparty conflict, and to be clear that's valid...but again, to do that believably and well, Laudna's philosophy and motivations and characterization need to be much more clearly established than they are.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag #long post #critical role spoilers

[thtdamfangirl4]

I tried really hard to bring my hopes down so I wouldn’t be disappointed by the RWRB movie and despite both my best efforts and some truly great scenes from the actors in the movie, I was so upset by it.

The Paris scene was gorgeous and intimate and IMPORTANT. Sarah as Zahra was literally flawless. Taylor and Nick were infinitely better than I thought they were going to be. The chemistry was good. I liked Uma Therman.

But.

I was never going to be happy with this movie. It was rushed (due to the nature of it being a 2 hour movie) and cut out not only important scenes for development, it cut people who are integral to the plot and entire plot lines that were paramount to the book’s intention.

It needs June. It needs Nora and Pez to be ACTUAL characters. It needs Ellen and Oscar to be divorced and have the family dynamic that makes Alex who he is. It needs Rafael Luna. It needs Catherine. It needs Bea to be flawed and have a personality and not be sanitized for no discernible reason. It needs the full progression of Alex and Henry’s relationship. It needs emails. It needs better coverage of the email leaks and aftermath. It needs friendship and queer community. It needs 23 year old protagonists. It needs Alex spiraling and figuring himself out.

If I’m honest, that omission might be what disappointed me the most and I haven’t let myself ruminate on it until these words were being tapped out by my fingers. Alex’s bisexual awakening in the book made me feel more seen and understood than any other book I’d ever read, any character I’d connected to. And it resonated within his character throughout the book. Without him learning about himself, the importance of this story is diminished for me and my own journey and connection.

RWRB is my favorite book of all time. I turn to it when I’m happy, sad, anxious, confused, tired, wired, and everything in between. It’s literally perfect to me, no matter anyone else’s opinion. I relate to Alex more than any other character in any other media. Henry is my favorite fictional character, period. I wanted so desperately to like this movie.

There were scenes I loved. But so much in between reminded me starkly of what it was missing.

This is not a hate post about this movie, nor does it stand to denigrate the actors or writers or crew, etc. Nor does it serve to shame anyone who DID love this movie. I hope you DO love it. I hope it brings joy to those who loved the story before and invites those who are unfamiliar into these characters. Most of all, I hope it provides joy to young queer audiences who are seeing themselves represented in a romcom.

But this process feels almost like grief, which sounds so dramatic. For me and people like me, whose souls were unwittingly bared on the pages Casey McQuiston wrote years ago. For people who found an anchor in this novel and hold on for dear life so we don’t drown. To me, this book is perfect, and to alter it in any way was going to disappoint me.

My hope is that in the coming weeks, I can find a way to truly separate this book and my unending catalog of feelings about it from this movie adaptation, which I probably would have loved if I wasn’t a die hard book fan, so that I can enjoy both and recognize that only a piece of the book made it to the screen.

(Truthfully my greatest hope is that they personally grant ME the rights and unlimited budget to write and direct a full miniseries adaptation that is a faithful interpretation to the letter, but no one is going to do that.)

I’ve seen like hundreds of posts already saying that we shouldn’t shit on this movie or take away from other people enjoying it, and I agree. And I apologize if you feel that’s what I’m going with this post. It’s not my intention. But I do want to say that you’re also allowed to be disappointed. You’re allowed to feel like you would’ve wanted it to be different. Just don’t walk around disparaging the book or the talented people who made it possible, and certainly not the fans who are just loving the story and characters you love too, just maybe in a different way.

Idk, this blog is a mess and a safe space and I just wanted to put my initial feelings somewhere because they have kind of taken over my brain. I’m tired and still processing, but if I don’t get out this spiral, I’ll stay in it.

I want to like it. But there were just too many changes. It felt like a different story. As Alex and Henry have both said, “we all must learn and grow.”

#rwrb #prince henry of wales #henry fox mountchristen windsor #alex and henry #rwrb spoilers #red white and royal blue #red white and royal blue spoilers

[secondstar-acorn]

season 2 means the world to me and now that it's over it's time for me to Elaborate (while I SOB how dare you anthony)

it being a more complex and less easily fixable storyline fits because they're teens! it really resonates with my early-20s-ass!!! i love season one it's incredible but their goals being more clearly set out also makes sense! all they really want is to get their kids home. the teens have to save the world and kill willy and reconcile with their parents and and and---

also idk why but in season 1 i really only had one dad that i Latched Onto and that was henry. i love darryl and glenn and ron obviously but henry just hit different for some reason and we're not gonna examine that because then i'll have to schedule a therapy appointment. but this season i have latched on to every single one of the teens. they're all extremely, WILDLY important to me and i'm gonna talk about it (scotty mute your dash)

let's talk about taylor first because i ADORE him. i am so freaking proud of him, y'all. he started off the season asking cassandra who his dad was and he ended the season by realizing that all he needs is his mom! that's a fantastic moment of character development. he cares so much about his friends! he knows who he is and he puts on a confident attitude, but he's still just a scared kid a lot of the time. he's so supportive 24/7 (HELL YEAH MY MAN) and if norm is the glue, taylor is the emotional support glitter on the craft project that is team stunt teens. he brings up the mood! he adds pizzazz! he's not. afraid to shine but he's also kinda fragile! that's my fucking guy!!!

ok moving on to my absolute beloved scary marlowe. i was one of those people who started off not really liking scary and not understanding her Deal but i finally GOT her in halt and catch fireball and from then on i've been obsessed with her. she falls into my favourite category of fictional character which is morally grey woman with insane amounts of power who just desperately wants to be accepted by people (i.e. jean grey, morgana pendragon, etc.) she stares willy in the eye as he dies!!! she tells her bio dad to fuck off and she accepts terry as her dad and remembers her mom is her best friend and GODDD SCARY MARLOWE. she's one of the most performative of the teens but she's also one of the most genuine. she is quick to defend each of her friends and once she's back in, she's BACK IN. she backs up every single one of them whenever they need her support, and her friendship with normal especially is extremely special to me. they're siblings your honour. the thesis of scary marlowe's character (imo) is "what if my friends love me more than i hate me" and that is a POWERFUL ASS choice that beth made. that's every teenager i know!!! that's me in high school!!! she's fucked up and she's imperfect but she is trying and she's learning to forgive herself for caring and i could write more but i'm not gonna because this is already getting so long and we're only halfway through.

okay this one is. god. normal oak. you put an oak in front of me and i start crying immediately. normal is no exception. hermie may be the theatre kid but normal has the theatre kid energy of trying so SO hard for attention and love but never getting the appreciation he wants. every single relationship he has is FUCKED. he lives off of validation and he's never learned to love himself as is. (please fucking god get this kid to samantha stampler he needs to hear that he's enough just as he is). he hasn't been loved by his parents the way he should, he's fighting to meet impossible expectations, he's been inadvertently pitted against his sister since birth, and he starts the season filled with the naive sort of joy that comes from doing No self reflection whatsoever and ends it deeply self-reflective and clearly still dealing with his trauma. but now he has friends who accept and love him no matter what. friends who will pull him onto the dance floor! he's the cheerleader! he's constantly giving out the validation he's wanted his whole life. he is so generous and so kind and so fucking sad and he breaks my heart. i need a campaign exclusively about normal going to college and learning how to live without his parents constantly in his business and learning who he really is and wants to be. he is. god. normal oak swallows garcia has been living with two conflicting philosophies his entire life, from sparrow "love wolf" oak garcia to lark "bring this glock to school" oak garcia. it's no wonder his mom is a centrist because who ELSE could love both of those men. (rebecca and morgan should meet up. side note.) and he chooses love every time!!! WE HAVE TO HELP IT. i love normal. i hope he's gone to therapy in the past twenty years and i hope he sees that he's had the people who care about him and love him all along in the form of his friends. i was normal normal was me and i am so proud of him. because even though everything has sucked shit he keeps pushing through. he's resilient and i love him for that.

and now. the teen who came out of nowhere and stole all the space in my brain. the true surprise of the season for me. LINCOLN LI FUCKING WILSON. god what to say about lincoln. so so much. i am so overcome by emotion whenever i think of lincoln that it is nearly impossible to put it into words. i understand this kid on a spiritual level. he has one goal and one passion his entire life. he loves his dads so much and he defines himself by what he loves and what he's interested in. he's never been confronted with the real world before. and then he is. and suddenly his world is no longer soccer and dads and his small house and fifa. now he is realizing that oh, the world is a little fucked up actually, and oh, the man i idolized for 14-15(???) years is kind of the one who fucked it up. he means the best for me but by sheltering me too much i am woefully unprepared for the world i'm living in and now all of my false hopes and aspirations are crashing down around me and the only way i can deal with that is to not care anymore. he has to shut it all out or he'll actually have to Think about how awful it is. his dad has killed people. he was found on the titanic?? scary, the person he immediately latched onto once he started doubting his dad, betrays him, and then he's floating again. and scary comes back!! and they eventually get married!!! and future lincoln has learned to forgive and understand that maybe, if he can forgive scary and love her and know her for who she really is and accept her even though she killed that guy that one time, maybe he can learn how to do the same for his dad. i'll say it. lincoln is the luke skywalker of this season. he is throwing away that lightsaber. he is saving grant from his self-hatred by choosing to love him at the end of the season. he tries to change himself as a way to get space. he hates hermie but he tries to be there for normal. he's best friends (...)with taylor and he finds his first REAL friend that isn't one of his dads through taylor!!! taylor inspires him to finally rebel and steal that laffy taffy!! high school lets him start to figure out who he is. he's able to forgive his dads. his sense of morality is maybe a little fucked up but he's probably working on it now!! he's absolutely the bitchiest out of all the teens and i love him for that!! he does his dads' taxes??????? he's been forced to handle WAY too much responsibility on literally all fronts and he shuts down to try and cope. he is canonically autistic to ME. the way he thinks about everything is Insane. he's besties with a bunch of dolphins. soccer is his safe place. when he loves something he holds on TIGHT. this is an incredibly long-winded way of saying i love lincoln and i will spend the rest of my life losing my mind over this character.

my point here is i love season 2. it's weird! it's freaky! it's eldritch! it's brightly coloured and also dark as shit!! i love season 2!!!!!!!

and don't get me started on dood because then we'll be here for hours.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #star rambles #dndads spoilers #taylor swift dndads #scary marlowe #normal oak #lincoln li wilson

[excalibutt]

Pathologic Fan Essay: Metatextuality and the Blurring of the Barrier Between Protagonist and Player in Pathologic Fanfiction

Spoiler warning: If you intend to play Pathologic Classic HD or Pathologic 2 and do not want your experience to be spoiled, come back to this essay after you’ve done your playthroughs. This is a spoiler-heavy essay.

When it comes to games that stick with us enough to consume our thoughts and compel us to make, nothing I have played has ever held a candle to what Pathologic does. It’s a game with a brutal story, viscerally and intentionally painful gameplay, and one that pushes boundaries in a way I’ve never seen another game do as artfully as this does. I’ve been thinking about it nonstop for the past four years, and I can honestly say that it’s fundamentally changed me as a person, and how I regard myself. The effect that Pathologic has is that it pushes us to make hard creative choices about what we make that is inspired by it, because of its inherently compelling and philosophical nature.

One of the things that makes the Pathologic game series so absolutely resonant with its players and fans are the metatextual elements that are introduced to the player. These are elements that serve to remind the player that they are in fact; playing a video game, and not actually fighting for survival in a plague-decimated utopian steppe-settlement. These themes and reminders are more overt in Classic than they are in 2, but that doesn’t make them any less present between the two games. We’ll be talking about the nature of the game itself and how it sits in the world of games that integrate metacommentary, and the philosophical impact that it has on fanworks. The influence of these themes resonates outward through everything the fans make, in ways we might not even initially be aware of. 

I. THE NATURE OF THE GAME

There are three distinct layers of plot (literal and metatextual) across Pathologic Classic and Pathologic 2. Those layers are: The Literal Level, The Powers That Be Level, and the Theater Level.

1. The Literal Level—This is where the plot, setting, and characters breathe and live. They are just as real as you and me. Most games operate solely within this level. 

2. The Powers That Be Level—This is the level in which the characters you play learn themselves that this is a game. The world is not real, it was designed by someone else, and they may not even be in control of themselves. Many famously meta-aware games operate within this level. 

3. The Theater Level—This is the level in which you, as the player, are forced to choose if You are in the game, or if you are not. This is where you are forced to confront whether or not there are lines that divide you from a player character, or not. When you act as a Healer, are their words yours? Are their actions yours? Or are they theirs? Are you a ghost or little voice sitting over their shoulder, gently guiding them where you think they ought to go? Are you watching this performance, or acting in it? Or are you, philosophically speaking, in that moment, the Character you are inhabiting? Or are they you?

Games that are famous for their metatextual themes feature a moment in which the unreality of a game is thrown directly into your face: (Undertale, Doki Doki Literature Club, The Stanley Parable.) There is no doubt that the first realization that characters are self-aware of their fictionality is a deeply impactful moment for players who are experiencing these titles for the first time. However, the impact on players tends to wear off after that first moment. It never hits as hard as it did the first time. You accept the unreality as an element, and you move on. I largely credit most of the reason for this being that you, the player, experience more separation from the character you are playing as, and the character most impacted and shaken by being confronted by unreality is not usually the character you play as. 

Here are a few examples of this disconnect from the games I listed above:

1. In Undertale, Frisk and Chara are very blank slates, not themselves submitted to a crisis of reality. They serve purely as player avatars. They never speak to you or express any sort of personality influenced by you beyond silent, but determined action through the Underground. Through them, you watch the aftermath of Flowey the Flower/Prince Asriel’s crisis instead, who is aware of and driven into a sort of numb insanity by living by the rules of a game.  While this pain elicits compassion, Frisk/Chara is not directly experiencing anguish followed by numbness and disillusionment. You as the player are also not actually experiencing these things. You’re watching it happen to Flowey/Asriel instead, and are impacted from the outside looking in.   

2. Doki Doki Literature Club features a side-character in a cliched visual-novel romance game named Monika who Knows You Are Real, and not just the text on the screen that you play as. (In the Literal Level of this game, you are a faceless boy but your physical presence is mostly just text on a screen. You barely even get so much as a real avatar.) Monika is confronted with and burdened with the knowledge of her own unreality, and she begins to warp the game itself. Her anguish and pain elicits both real fear and real pity, but your reality remains the same. You were never in this world to begin with, and the fact that she cannot leave it hurts her more than it hurts you, the player.  So much so, that by the end; she’s deleted it all. She is also still not the playable character. You witness the crisis from the outside in. 

3. The Stanley Parable never once pretends to not be a video game, and is arguably only really effective as an art piece if you’re familiar with choice-based story genres. Stanley remains another blank slate, and not an established character; despite the Narrator’s constant attempts to develop you as one. Stanley is a very generic white man in business-casual attire made in Gary’s Mod, but most of the time, you don’t even see him. The narrative of it being a choice-based video game is never forgotten, and if any crises happen; it is via the will of the Narrator or the Narrator himself having said crisis. The running joke of the Stanley Parable is that you and the Narrator both are choosing to pretend that you are a man named Stanley, despite the fact that you both know better. But the fact is, it’s a much better story when you play along. By the end of it, you sort of do start to become him. 

The characters in these titles that you play as are totally blank slates. This is a popular choice for game developers because it’s much easier, in theory, to pretend it’s you. That is a legacy that arguably began with the creation of The Legend of Zelda games; and the reason for the famously mute protagonist’s namesake: Link (being a metaphorical link between the player and the world of the game)  

It’s enticing to put on a blank mask, because reality blurs and you really become a hero, a lost little kid, a romantic ideal, or a horrible little man named Stanley, harassing some poor incorporeal narrator by your contrary and experimental nature. But Stanley as a protagonist isn’t canonically horrible, or mischievous, or contrary. Frisk or Chara are not really kindhearted or genocidal, and assigning personality to the protagonist of Doki Doki literature club beyond ‘vaguely lazy’ is a little pointless because it was never about him in the first place, so you can genuinely transpose much of yourself onto him. These are all potential paths and personalities we as players can impress upon our character as we play. 

In Pathologic, however, the lines between Player and Protagonist blur and fade. The very nature of the game dictates that you have three choices of Protagonist; and if you are playing as one—You will be interfacing with the other two inevitably during your playthrough. What this means is that Ice Pick Lodge had to develop actual personalities for these characters that flavor your dialogue options, your actions, and the way you see and interact with the world through their eyes. What makes these characters so damn interesting to us, is that they are fully-fleshed out, individual people, and we are being given the opportunity to step into their shoes, and become them. 

They aren’t blank slates. They’re fully developed characters who have their own motivations, flaws, challenges, prejudices, and desires. What Ice Pick Lodge has done here, is they have genuinely made us become Actors. We have a range of things we can say and do, but we will always be rigidly in-character when we do them. That is why and how the Theater Layer exists metatextuality. Pathologic is not the only game series that does this, but it’s the only one that has stuck with me and made me lose sleep. Mostly, because the games that tend to have more established protagonists usually exclude them from realizing this is all fictional, and that they aren’t real. One strong example of this is Dragon Age 2. Hawke (your player character) never comes to the realization that none of this is real, but you still step into them as an established role, with a malleable but canon personality. Choice in other RPGs when it comes to dialogue are still designed to be very vague and open, so it feels like you are making the choice, and not them. Wheras other games that feature characters with strong personalities feel more like you’re watching their story play out, rather than having agency within them. (The Silent Hill games, for example.) 

The canonical impact and delivery of the fact of Unreality for the protagonists we play as in Pathologic becomes a deeply personal and painful thing. Every time I play Pathologic, I know that there will be a metatextual reveal directly to the protagonist about the nature of the world they are in and who they fundamentally are. And it still hits like a fucking hammer when it happens. The first time I finished the Bachelor’s Route in Pathologic Classic, I laid awake for hours after the fact, because I ached with empathy for the plight and pain of Daniil Dankovsky. I realized not only that I cared for him as a character; but I was smarting from the loss of connection to him. My time being Bachelor Dankovsky was done, and he was left with… nothing. The word was no longer real, and it wasn’t wholly him participating in it in the first place. It broke him to realize that he had no agency or free will. It broke me to realize I had to let him go, and be myself again, for all I was left with after I was disentangled. 

There is a really beautiful quote in Pathologic Classic that is recited time and time again by fanfiction authors, and the quote is spoken by Dankovsky himself, which is in reaction to him meeting Artemy Burakh, the Haruspex, when you are playing the Haruspex route. That quote is: “Far be it from me to call myself a person of mystical inclinations. However, when I look at you, I get the feeling that nature is playing jokes on us. It’s as if both the left hand and the right hand have clutched the head to realize for the first time that they are two parts of a single whole.” 

Many authors chose to interpret this as a declaration of love, or recognition of another half of himself in Artemy Burakh, (and I am certainly not above this) but metatextually speaking; it’s as if he recognizes you, the player, hiding inside of The Haruspex, and having come to find him again. In theory, if you have played as The Bachelor before The Haruspex, then… yes. He should recognize you, and as a result, in this route, he is indispensable in aiding you, which he does until narrative forces him to stop. To this day, it’s one of the most rewarding and comforting things I have experienced in a game this brutal. Even starting a route as painful as the Haruspex’s, I felt like I had a true friend. I felt like I knew Daniil, and like I was in a sense—coming home. He and Artemy are the hands, but you, the player, are the head. It’s a poetic thought about how we visualize space and are limited by only being able to perceive three-dimensions. A two dimensional-creature would perceive you as only the flat bottoms of your feet, and never understand the connection that roots them in space they can’t comprehend and don’t exist within. 

 II. PHILOSOPHICAL IMPACT ON FANWORKS

Aside from my lost sleep just thinking about this damn game, I’ve also become a fanfiction author for it. I’ve spent a lot of time in this creative community which is a booming space for some of the most thought-provoking and emotionally haunting art and literature I have ever seen in a fan-space. This game elicits so much thought and love, and people are left with so much more of it to give. A lot of this is owed to the emotionally harrowing and gut-wrenchingly good plot that exists on the Literal Level of the game, we can’t deny that. The characters are fascinating, the setting is insanely captivating, and the plot is so impactful that you never forget it. Part of me would honestly joke that my favorite book is Pathologic because of how much reading you need to do, but it’s all worth reading. 

What’s so amazing about the metatextual elements that are introduced into the game, is that they add to the experience instead of making you cringe or laugh or experience guilt for playing the game. Games like Undertale (while poignant and incredible) suggest that the only way to free characters in a video game from their purgatory is not to play it at all. As a result, the replayability of the game is somewhat ruined. I can never play Undertale again because I cannot under any circumstances ruin the happiness of characters I worked so hard for, or be made responsible for it. I can get some kicks from making someone else play it though and watch them then experience the same moral problem. 

Pathologic 2, though, suggests this line of thought, but it’s still beckoning you back. You are invited to look and gawk at the spectacle, and worse; take part in it. It’s a deeply seductive disaster, even if you’re told again and again that your participation is what jumpstarts the plague. 

In fact, it’s so seductive that a creative fanbase were compelled play with this space more, and start writing fanfiction for it. But what is interesting about the choices authors are making when drafting stories, is that they have to make a choice about what Layer of Metatextual Reality their story is going to exist on.

There are the three choices to be made from the layers I mentioned above, (Literal, Powers that Be, and Theater) and the deeper you go, the more you have to incorporate. I am friends with a handful of authors, (on top of being one myself) and I’ve found that people feel very strongly about which Layer their work is going to operate in. We all have opinions about it, because the reality you choose will influence the direction of your work. 

The biggest opinion camps are: 

a) Those who avoid the metatextual content of the game. They exist very happily on the Literal Layer of plot, and when manipulating the rules of said layer; do not address the theme of unreality. This isn’t a fault, by any means, because some of the most deeply creative and heart-wrenching fan content operates in this level, much like the plot of the game itself. It’s fertile ground to grow a story in just because of how dense the Literal layer actually is. This is a deliberate choice, not usually based in fear of not doing it justice. The game itself gives you the option to declare yourself part of this world or not. These authors have chosen largely to do that; and breathe life into the characters as they are. 

I spoke to a fellow author (inkpot_demigod) who thrives and is compelled by this Literal Layer of plot, asking why it draws them in so much. 

“[...] our stories are an act of both self-preservation and defiance. They are a reason to live, and to do so better. If the big twist is that a story isn't real, and is worthless to those with more power than the people living it...well, that's hardly a twist at all. I know that. What's important is how a story compels us to live anyways.

In that sense, I still believe a twist like Pathologic's has a lot of value. It's worth asking what is worth living for if the only importance we have is that which we construct for ourselves. But it is a twist I don't always feel like contending with, as a resident of unkind reality, and an obliterating one besides—one that can easily make every other question raised by a story seem insignificant in comparison […] there are so many things I want to explore in this world, with these characters, aside from those most existentially urgent questions. So when I am doing so, it seems best to simply not approach the question of 'what meaning does life hold for a doll?' at all.”

Then of course: 

b) Those who confront the metatextual content of the game. They tend to operate more on The Powers that Be Layer and (a very little bit) of the Theater Layer. They cannot unsee the shattered reality of the town, and involve the element of unreality in their work. This can create some insanely creative twists and turns and even unusual or uncommon elements that get incorporated into plot and dialogue. This is equally fertile ground for creativity and mind-boggling discussion as well as deeply tragic, human stories. These characters are still treated as human, but who struggle with faith in the world they operate in. It’s painful and somewhat nihilistic, but the stories also tend to circle back on how to deal with that struggle. 

c) Those who make their work on the Theater Layer though, face a very unique challenge because this is the layer that you, the player, writer, or reader are invited to step into. How exactly do you do that in fanfiction?  Historically, in Ye Olde Days of fanfiction.net in the early 2000’s, it was common for people to include script-style commentary between the author and characters. Pathologic as a game does this but it’s also insanely hard for people in fandom to shake the collective memory of this appearing in crackfics and in old Potterotica. Executing a plot element in the Theater Layer is not easy to do without it feeling instinctively cringy or falling flat, but it is possible to do well. If this game has convinced me of anything, it’s that we can do miracles—and the miracles are truly impactful, powerful pieces that push you to become more than you are. 

Think about all of that for a moment. 

Think about how there are Three Metatextual layers in which the authors must choose for their story to operate within, and think for a moment, about how three is a very important, recurring number in Pathologic. There is another choice between three things the player must choose at the beginning of Pathologic Classic; which is which protagonist you will be playing as. 

The theory suggested here, in observances of the Pathologic fan-space, is that the choice of metatextual Layer in which the author chooses to operate on is parallel to the choice of Healer you play as. Each healer has their own philosophies, their own way of walking through the world, their own way of perceiving their world, and their own comfort-levels confronting the metatextual nature of said world. When confronted with their unreal nature, The Haruspex exists in the Literal Layer of the world, The Bachelor exists in the Powers That Be Layer of the world, and the Changeling exists in the Theater layer of the world. 

The Haruspex, Artemy Burakh, tries very hard to forget that the world he lives in isn't real. He tries very hard to see the life in it again despite being confronted with the fact that it is not. He chooses the fictional layer as the one to cling to and stay within, because he embraces the town as his own body. If the town and world around them isn’t real, then he isn’t real. He recognizes that it isn’t, but to him, it’s much like accepting you're going to die one day. It's an unpleasant reminder, but an easy thought to repress as Artemy. It is a fact, but it's one that's easy to ignore. Life goes on, because the pain and anguish you feel is real enough. One is encouraged to stubbornly forget or repress the unreality, and focus on their feet on the ground. Philosophically speaking, we can quickly reference the rationalist, Rene Descartes: “I think, therefore I am.” It’s a philosophy that suits him well, because everything to him is the relationship of the physical body. It’s a story steeped in blood, and rich with life and it’s many horrors. 

Taking the approach of the Haruspex when it comes to writing fiction means intimately understanding the literal layer of this world and loving it wholly and for as long as you can. It means swallowing your fear, and pressing on, staunchly ignoring the unreality that terrifies you for the sake of Life.

The Bachelor, Daniil Dankovsky, can't forget that the world isn't real. It's scarred him forever and he can't unsee it. The foundation of his character is that he has the noble and impossible goal of trying to end death (or at least give people a choice to opt-in to their conscious and physical existence ending) and this shattering of his reality is a reminder that inevitability by nature cannot be fought. It’s inevitable. The world being unreal means that death can never be defeated, because life as a whole was always an illusion. This world was always fictional and it always aches for you and him both to remember it. His canonical ending choices in Pathologic Classic feel nihilistic. It doesn’t feel like a victory. Victory isn’t real. Everything is predetermined: This fact cannot be ignored. Daniil makes the philosophical journey from a utilitarian to a nihilist. His story is about making hard and painful decisions based on hopefully reaching an ideal conclusion; or a utopia where all the sacrifices would be worth the minimal loss. But none of it is; because none of it is real. 

Taking the approach of the Bachelor when it comes to writing fiction means confronting the jarring and unpleasant experience of shattered reality, and then learning how to utilize and execute them for great and terrible impact.

I don’t necessarily believe that these observances are rules that are set in stone, but the parallel hit me hard when I noticed it. “Reality” as a concept in this game for these protagonists is irrevocably interlinked with their unique philosophies and their relationships to death. I think we as authors fall into these patterns because those are the kinds of questions these games prompt us to confront and think about. Somewhere out there, someone has just discovered Pathologic, and has found themselves with an excess of creative energy and desperately needs to make it manifest. If they’re a writer, then we know one of the ways it will happen, because after experiencing these games, you can’t unsee what you’ve seen, or unread what you’ve read. You can choose what to focus on or what to repress, but pieces of it will stick with you forever.

The Changeling, Clara, is ironically the least experienced, but knows and remembers on some gut level from the beginning that the world isn't real, and yet it is. She exists as a paradox, simply because the paradoxical nature of this world does. She has the power on the Literal level of the world to look right through you, and into you once she has her hooks in. Her revelation about the reality of the Literal Layer and the Powers That Be layer comes days sooner than it does for the Haruspex or Bachelor. Ironically, she’s also far younger than them, being only 12 days old by the end of the game. She isn’t as damaged by the unreality of the situation; because she is the unreality, having sprung up out of the ground out of nowhere. (EDIT 1: 09/04/2023 She also is too young to have formed any other attachment to a diffetent reality, which is why I think she takes this in stride.) The metatextual issues happening on the layers closer to our reality have influence on who she is, which is why there are two of her: The Powers That Be can’t agree on who she is. (EDIT 2: 09/04/2023 This part of the game is also arguably a part of us by this point because you have to have beaten at least one other route to play hers. That means you have to understand and know the town, the game, and all of the spoilers by this point. There are two Claras because we ourselves have stolen her face and fate to become part of the game.) She is paradoxically both an adult and a child at the same time, just as she is paradoxically both the harbinger of the disease and the saint to heal everyone of it, as well as paradoxically both NPC and Player Character at once. She exists as a vaccine does, teaching the body to fight something that looks exactly like her. Philosophically speaking, Clara is almost a metaphysical solipsist—in which only the self is real and everything else is a game. But then again... so are we when we play her.

Taking the approach of the Changeling when it comes to writing fiction means taking joy and freedom in the fact that it is fiction. This could be the realm of crackfic, which we as a fandom have very little of because of how seriously we take ourselves. But it also might more seriously be sneaking in meta layers after a larger story,  luring readers into a sense of false security before hitting them every bit as hard as the game does. Or it could even be integrating things that aren’t traditional writing mediums at all; like interactive pieces that make the story a game once again. (EDIT 3: 09/04/2023 I think that a truly successful fic that takes the Changeling's approach is one that manages to create metacommentary about the medium the story is being told in, just as the game does. What are the rules and tropes of fanfiction? How do we draw attention to them and subvert them? How does they become part of us? How are we part of it?)

The divisive nature of how authors tend to choose how to write for this game was put beautifully by my coauthor, permian-tropos:

“I can’t say concisely why Pathologic’s metacommentary works for me and feels deep compared to some games that ruin their fun in similar fashion. But I think it’s because the game is about the dread of realizing the utter illusion of free will (which is why the meta-reveals are necessary, you are shown to be a doll or an actor, the story is predetermined.) And then where art comes into it is like…maybe art is the answer to feeling like everything is meaningless. Whether that’s children playing a game to cope with loss, or a stage production put on by a weirdo who wants you to become your character to defy death. And maybe art is the answer to: ‘What would humans do if they could defy all of their limits?”

That’s why we write. Our work as budding authors and (and ex-actors) is impacted and influenced by great love and great resonance with a story so much greater and so much bigger than it seems to be. I think we’re falling into these patterns and feel as strongly as we do about writing them in the way that we are because we feel things when we are confronted with unreality while we’re acting as protagonists. The sharpness of the knife that cuts us from the characters we play influences what happens next. Do we hate the knife enough to try and forget it? Do we try to seize the knife to point it at someone else? Or do we see ourselves reflected there in the blade and find ourselves both frightened and inspired at the same time?

What I do know is that my love for this story comes because it pushes boundaries. It is so much more than we think it will be, unfolding, folding onto itself. It forces us to ask ourselves if we too, can become more than we think we are. One could even argue that this is why so many western fans of the game are nonbinary or transgender, or read certain characters as such. If we are more than just the body we inhabit, then what other limitations can we transcend? 

MARK IMMORTELL: People overcome death by pushing the limits of self-understanding. Such as the limits that make a person perceive themselves as a body, instead of a sum of knowledge connected through unique associations. Consider yourself as being more like a kaleidoscope, and your life will become... not compelling, exactly, but... more.

#pathologic #pathologic fan essay #long post #damn if this isn't for an extremely niche audience in an extremely niche game #мор утопия

[armoricaroyalty]

a brief ramble about character flaws

I was reading this blog about a very bad YA book I'll never read, and these paragraphs really resonated"

[The book] tries to acknowledge [the protagonist] more as flawed, but it is also afraid to show her as too weak. As much as she doesn't know how to rule, people who call her out are considered assholes. As much as she is impulsive and dramatic, [her love interest] is prepared to babysit her until she calms down. She blames herself for a lot of things during her depression arc, and it's great she learns to like herself, but she never really improves any of her flaws in the process. It's like [her] flaws are things only she is allowed to fully perceive. Most people around her see her as near perfect, especially her love interets. So when [she] is made to confront [her flaws]...the crux is not overcoming her flaws, but seeing herself as [her love interest] does. As just kind of perfect, no real work needed.

I feel like this is a really common thing I've encountered a lot in various arenas (simblr, fanfiction communities, roleplay communities) and it was nice to have it laid out so succinctly.

A character's flaws need to go deeper than textual acknowledgment, and they can't be solved just by finding the right love interest. If a character is meant to be sloppy and careless, we need to see the consequences of her half-finished projects. A hot-headed character can't have arguments smoothed over and forgotten because that's just how she is and the love interest knows she didn't really mean it.

The second paragraph was especially resonant for me. It's a tricky issue to discuss because obviously, a supportive relationship can boost your confidence and enable you to tackle other issues in your life, but I don't like it when a character's primary flaw is "lacks self-confidence" and that hole is neatly plugged by "unconditional support from love interest."

Reading stories like that, I almost never get the sense that the character has actually grown or changed. She's exactly the same person she was when the story began, she just has a boyfriend now. In those stories, the love interest serves as an emotional crutch, and I'm always left with the sneaking suspicion that if anything happened to them, the protagonist would fall to pieces again. That's fine in a longer story where the character either builds confidence in their own right or loses the love interest and has to deal with the consequences of that loss, but it's often treated as a happy ending. For me, that's just not satisfying.

In general, I don't really like stories where the protagonist's major failing is imposter syndrome. I feel like it's the 2020's answer to all the clumsy (but otherwise perfect!) romance protagonists of the early aughts. It's not a real flaw (in fiction) it's just a placeholder that stands in for a different, more well-developed flaw that might drive character action or compel the reader in any way.

As much as we'd all like to think that we're perfect and just too hard on ourselves, a character who is literally, textually perfect and just too hard on herself isn't actually relatable or interesting to read about. The conclusion of a character's arc can't just be accepting that she didn't need to change.

#armorica ooc

[bird-inacage]

This is going to sound mean, but I think people are forgetting this isn't a BL.

In a BL, Ray would ultimately choose Sand. He would realize that his obsession with Mew is just that, that he wants Sand for real, and choose him, finally. Just to really hammer it home they'd have him doing something like calling Sand when he needs someone to be there for him again, like he called Mew two years ago. Bring the narrative full circle.

But this isn't a BL it's a queer drama trying to emulate real life. And unfortunately, most of the time in real life what happens is the person in Sand's position gets left. They get ignored. They get treated badly. And then hopefully they wise up and move on.

If Mew can manage to get over Top, I think it's very possible he and Ray will make a real go of it, whether it's good for them or not. Can't tell you how many times I've watched my friends make that mistake.

What I mean to say is I think some of this stuff is shippers understanding finally that this isn't the kind of thing they're used to, and that they can't expect a happy ending for their ship. That it's entirely likely that they won't get a happy ending at all.

I don't think that it was clear to some people until the last episode.

Hello Anon,

You make some interesting points here. At the end of the day, this is a fictional show that we all enjoy critiquing and discussing, so no hard feelings (at least not from my end).

And yes, I think this series has been so successful and resonated with so many due to it's intentional approach to not romanticise or sugar coat the queer relationships we're used to seeing in BL. It can be messy. It can be downright toxic. There is the real possibility our ships or 'couples' may not actually end up together. As you say, this series is perhaps trying to skirt closer to real life, but let's not forget that it's still ultimately a piece of entertainment.

People like to ship because it's part of the enjoyment of consuming a series. Expecting a certain outcome is not the same as hoping for a certain outcome. Shippers may hope for a happy ending but that doesn't necessarily mean they're not aware it may not happen, and it certainly doesn't mean they can't still enjoy the series either. Shipping was never bound to realism. Heck, that's why ghost ships also exist. Does the lack of any possibility those characters will ever couple up stop ghost-shippers from shipping? Nope. Why? It's fun. That's all it is, people enjoy it. That's why we're all here, no?

We're only halfway through, so who knows what the conclusion will be. Will all these 'couples' end up together? Perhaps they will, perhaps they won't.

---birdie

#bird-inacage asks #only friends #only friends the series #ofts #you're all keeping me busy today hahaha #asks aplenty

[ineffable-rohese]

Oh, wow, the RSD is strong today. Got a kindly worded work email saying that a job posting can't go on a particular board because of valid reasons and now I'm crying. Said job is on about 20 other job boards so this is literally not a problem at all. But man, the instant Shame of Getting Something Wrong is overwhelming.

I rarely get things wrong. And that's not me being self-important, it's me being extremely anxious. I rarely get things wrong because when I do, it hurts so badly that I try very hard to avoid it happening. So I research everything until I've found the best possible option. I think through every word I say and I hold back all the time because if I don't get it just right someone might misinterpret it, or I may not yet be working with all the information I need and I might inadvertently be wrong. It becomes a vicious cycle, because I am so often right that people rely on my judgement and opinions, and therefore I have to keep being right because otherwise someone might be hurt.

When I do mess up, my first instinct isn't to apologize or accept correction. No, my first instinct is to double down that I was actually right. Or to shift the blame, or deny, or ignore the issue until it goes away, or even outright lie about what happened. It means I'm often stubborn and seemingly insensitive and sometimes avoidant and sometimes flippant.

Yeah, it's a shitty response. But when you've tied your self worth into being Right, and you've worked very hard to be Right, and being told you are wrong can literally feel like being stabbed in the chest and makes you want to curl up and sob, just saying, oh, sorry, my bad, let me find a way to make it right isn't really available as an immediate response. I try to get there in the end, but under pressure?

The anxiety also means that I'm easily flustered when forced to come up with something on the fly, without being able to properly get my head around all the facets of the issue. I lose words, I stammer, I'm far from eloquent, I smile or even laugh inappropriately, and I say things that I may not mean, or don't mean in the way they come across. Especially if the emotional stakes are high.

Anyway, there's a reason I can't stand people being awful or even just rude to Aziraphale. There has honestly never been a fictional character that I resonate with on such a deep level, and not just the "good" parts, but also and especially the "bad" parts.

#this one's personal #former gifted kid issues #aziraphale my beloved

[mnjohn]

Animorphs was the series that got me into reading as a kid. I wanted to read it again as an adult because I was never able to finish it when I was a kid (too hard to find all the volumes!) I have been slowly making my way through the series and recently finished "#18 The Decision". Read below for my opinions on what I have read so far but beware of spoilers.

"#1 The Invasion" - A good introduction to the series. Jake is a little bland, but I enjoy the drama of his relationship with his brother Tom.

"#2 The Visitor" - I absolutely love Rachel. She was my hero as a kid. Despite that, I also found this one to be a bit bland but I do admit that the shrew morph was pretty freaky.

"#3 The Encounter" - Explores some surprisingly dark themes. I always thought that it was a shame that Tobias and Ax have the least books, because their perspective is the most interesting. I mean, the boy IS A BIRD!

"#4 The Message" - I think that I found Cassie to be a bit boring as a child, but as an adult, I absolutely love her! She just cares about everyone and everything and is just so lovely! This book also introduces Ax, another one of my favourites!

"#5 The Predator" - I don't remember this too well, but I know that I enjoyed reading Marco's perspective. His character has some real depth. The twist was juicy. And I loved Ax's stupid silly interactions with Marco's dad.

"#6 The Capture" - Darkest book so far. Probably the best in the series. Jake's experience with the yerk is absolutely horrifying.

"#7 The Stranger" - While I enjoyed Rachel's family dynamics and her struggles, I really hate time travel plots in fiction. I suppose that it could have been worse. And at least Rachel is amazing.

"Megamorphs #1 The Andalite's Gift" - This was not very good, but it was very fun! Rachel gets amnesia, a plot straight out of a soap opera. And Marco drives a pick up truck! I enjoyed the multi-perspective book, but I thought that some of the action scenes went on too long.

"#8 The Alien" - AX! This one is my absolute favourite! This book has the perfect balance of silly humor and weightier plot. Ax's loneliness and identity struggles really resonated with me.

"#9 The Secret" - I do not remember this one too well, but I do remember that I liked the focus on ecological issues. This is the sort of book that made me really love the series as a child, because I was obsessed with animals.

"#10 The Android" - This was weird, but in a good way. Nice to meet new alien allies. The action scene towards the end was really intense!

"#11 The Forgotten" - This is the worst. My absolute least favourite. As I mentioned before, that time travel in fiction is a really bad idea. And this book this is a great example of why. The ending just made me feel like, what was the point? Why did I spend time reading this?

"#12 The Reaction" - Hilarious! There was much good humour in this one! I particulary enjoyed when Rachel accidentally morphed into an elephant and destroyed her own house! It also explored some darker aspects of humanity, with the selfishness of the teen idol. Good stuff.

"#13 The Change" - I know that some important plot things happen with Tobias, but I do not really remember this book too well. I think that I was vaguely disappointed with how the kids treated the Hork Bajir. I have the impression that they thought that the Hork Bajir were lesser creatures, which seemed very unfair to me.

"The Andalite Chronicles" - I enjoyed the first two parts, but the third got a bit too weird. Learning about Andalite culture was great, and I enjoyed Elfangor's fascination with the car and the image of an Andalite driving.

"#14 The Unknown" - This was the funniest book so far! I mean, the yerks in the horses using sticks to dial a payphone, was possibly the most beautiful imagery that this series has ever put into my brain. And the fact that the US government was guarding an old model of Andalite toilet, was the perfect cherry on top! This was probably my second favourite book so far.

"#15 The Escape" - It seems that Marco books just have the best action scenes. I don't if it is because he gets lucky with having more exciting plots, or if his narration style just suits action scenes better than the other characters do, but for some reason I found all the action in this book to be really engaging.

"#16 The Warning" - The best part about this one was the 90s computer technology. Ax was laughing at their internet speed. So was I. Also, I do not think that chat rooms ever worked like that? It seemed like the text was being shared before the person had finished typing it? But I was very small back then and never used a chatroom, so what would I know?

"#17 The Underground" - I was really surprised by the attitudes towards mental health displayed in this book. Like, I knew that things were not very good for the mentally ill when I was a kid, but I was surprised by how brutally critical these kids were! Thankfully things have changed for the better.

"#18 The Decision" - This one was pretty crazy. From the begining where Ax is terrorizing a food court, to the part where the kids get sucked into Z-space and join the Andalites fighting in Leera. A very exciting book! Ax's emotions are so complicated and this book just solidified that he is my current favourite!

So there you go. These are my opinions on the books so far. It seems that while I started reading this series because of the way it explores complex issues and the effect of war on children, the scenes that I enjoy the most are the silliest. I think that is kind of unfair on my part because the series really does a good job of exploring serious topics, but I am having heaps of fun! I hope that you enjoyed reading my opinions and I plan on sharing more as I read more books.

#animorphs #currently reading #reading #books

[1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt]

Spock has resonated with me deeply from childhood. The idea of contact with aliens always excited me, and what a sterling concept for what it could look like in Spock/Vulcans. Gene envisioned a best case scenario that just *worked*.

But I think it is Spock's humanity, the facet of Spock that he feels is imperfect and should be ashamed of, that I think makes him appealing to so many in every generation: We all know what it is to be the outcast, to feel othered, to feel at home nowhere, awkward, unwelcome. To have a less than perfect family with impossible expectations. To feel ashamed of our families and of ourselves.

And above all else, that hard earned journey we all must go through of trying (and frequently failing) to love ourselves.

It took Spock connecting with his humanity -- and humans like Pike and Kirk who showed him just what incredible potential humanity has when we send out the best of us to make connections -- to realize his own humanity had value and worth. That perhaps Vulcans were wrong about humans all along.

I think it took having people around him like Pike and Kirk -- who did not try to change him, ask him to be more Vulcan or human, just unreservedly accepted him as he was -- to learn he could accept himself. I always say that journey from "Jim, when I feel friendship for you, I'm ashamed" in S1 to "this simple feeling" in TMP is one of the greatest character story arcs of all time. It felt like such a deserved win.

That lesson of "if you do not fit in where you are, find your people, find the ones who love you and lift you up exactly as you are and learn to embrace yourself" -- I think that is why Spock was and still is such a powerful character. That hard earned journey of self love, accepting one's self, and found family I feel resonates with so many people.

To add another layer, as a queer person, that found family concept is very near and dear to our hearts in the community; sadly, many of us have known the sting of being unwanted. I had many found family members live in my home when their biological family kicked them out.

I feel like that pain of constant rejection and the self hate it can create is very present in Spock, and it is a poignant representation of vulnerability in a character who always tries to be so strong and indifferent. We all know what it is to try to maintain a facade outside while a storm is brewing within. I believe that speaks to so many of us who have known what it means to feel self loathing, to be on the outside looking in, desperate for approval, but never willing to admit it.

As Jim says, Spock's is the most "human" representation in a character that is ironically alien, and I think that speaks to a lot of us: to the aliens trying to pass as "normal" while everyone else can't seem to stop pointing out our differences or flaws.

Spock gives us hope that even one so fractured, insecure and unforgiving -- especially to themselves -- can eventually find a way to love themselves. Spock gives the audience courage that with the right support and people around us, maybe we could sort it out for ourselves, too.

Sorry if I gushed a bit there, but damn. I love Spock. He's not only my favourite TOS character, but quite possibly my favorite fictional character of all time. There's a reason his name or likeness appears in just about every series in Star Trek.

--------------------------------------------------------

TLDR: Me when Spock --

I cannot be normal about him. Oh, at all.

Who is your favourite Star Trek character of all time?

#1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt #octrekmeta #octrek #star trek #tos #spock #star trek tos #star trek tmp #star trek the motion picture #star trek the original series #mr. spock #just me not being able to be normal about Spock again #i love him so hard #my favourite #vulcan #vulcans #oc #character analysis #spock changed my life #pike #kirk #christopher pike #james t. kirk #captain pike #captain kirk #gene roddenberry #who is your favourite character from Star Trek TOS #trekkie #trekkies

[zeldaelmo]

Director’s commentary on Somebody That I Used to Know!! If you need/ want a specific chapter - rituals.

Ah, B, thank you! This story experienced a revival in the last few weeks because a friend was inspired by it and now toys with writing a sequel to it which makes me very happy.

A common trope in OoT fics is Link leaving for searching Navi and coming back in the middle of a ball several years later to sweep the ever waiting Zelda of her feet. It makes for a cute little scene, but after reading a couple of interpretations of it, my mind went down the 'and what if he doesn't?' road.

So I started thinking about Zelda waiting for him to fulfill his promise of coming back and he just... doesn't. What would she do after five years, after ten years, after thirty years? A why wouldn't he keep a promise? What would make him break it?

When I had the idea, I didn't plan doing anything with it anytime soon. I have quite some fic ideas like this: some hastily notes thrown together and saved on my discord server, waiting for the right moment to come. And then, @zelinkcommunity published the prompts for zelink week 2022 and the story fit so perfectly, that I dropped everything and started writing.

I usually write lighthearted stories. They have some angst to keep the plot going, yes, but overall they don't cut too deep. That's mostly because fandom is escapism for me and I want to have fun. This one is different and it was interesting to explore what I'm capable of in the right setting.

I wanted to show how having lived through half of their lives already affected Link and Zelda after all the trauma they went through. We see a lot of exploring the immediate effects of the games in fan fiction, but stories about how they affect the big and smaller life decisions are rare. And that's where the fun for me began: To work out how complicated life is. To show there's no easy answer to why Link didn't come back. To highlight that Zelda was a terrible queen because she projected her anxiety on her reign.

The story only gets Kudos every few weeks, because it's probably nothing most people in fandom search out nowadays, but if I have a super long comment in my inbox, it's usually for this one. Maybe it's the mature approach to OoT's tragedy or the respect for complicated characters and feelings, but something about the story resonates strongly with the people who read it. And I'm very happy and thankful about that.

My favorite scene from 'Rituals' is this here:

He fell silent, digging the tip of his boot into the hard soil around the fire. It took an eternity for him to look up again and when he did, his gaze was cold. It was the first time that she thought the missing eye made his face a tad harsh. 

"So instead of a hard-earned happy ending for us, you managed to create a version where I'm gone, one where I end up here, and one where I'm killed. Eh, good work, I'd say." 

Zelda drew a shaky breath. "Would you even have wanted a happy ending for us?" The words toppled from her mouth before she could quell the bitterness in them.

His gaze snapped away. 

"I didn't know that I would create different realities, Link," she continued, her voice now purposely soft. "We thought it was safe. I just… it wasn't your fault that you got dragged into all this and I wanted to give you the chance to live a normal life."

"I'm an orphan raised by a tree, Zelda. I never had the chance for a normal life." When she shifted on her seat, he buried his hands in his hair. "Sorry. I know you meant well. It's not that you choose to be part of all this either. It's just… this one moment was maybe the only one where we had a choice. And you made it for me."

Zelda couldn't tear her gaze from the way his hands dropped listlessly back into his lap. How had she never considered this? All he had wanted was to choose his own future.

"I'm sorry," she pressed out, and it didn't matter if she stole this choice from him or the other Zelda. 

His hand darted to hers, squeezed, and was gone again. "It is what it is."

#zelink #ocarina of time #ask game #somebody that i used to know