#my thoughts around him are all weird and distorted and not quite romantic (yet?) but i know that i just feel comfortable w him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ignisnocturnalia · 3 years

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Hehehe I lied, but it is here now! Had a crisis about being done with my Band director's bull and wanting a grade on something really bad, did the former and decided to simply disintegrate once Friday hit. Drifter HCs will follow this, also may I say Caiatl. That is all.

Nokris x Reader

“You are a child reaching for a flame; the Taken Queen would not have you burnt.”

You were on point during the Strange Terrain strike, but you had never thought you would run into Nokris again. Granted, you realized, his death was on the physical plain while his Throne World still stood. Considering he never directly addressed you, you assumed that he either didn’t remember you or he chose not to, as oddly disappointing as that would be. The timbre of his voice unsettled you, but it was not as wracking as Xol’s; in fact, it was rather pleasing to hear.

The proposition itself was unexpected, and against Eris’s previous warnings you stopped to listen to what the Hive heretic had to say. Trekking quietly along the broken path of the distorted realm, you stopped occasionally to stare at blights littered over walls and floating in the air to see if you could catch a glimpse of the desecrated prince. The telltale sign of Taken emerging from their portals filled the air, and you genuinely prayed that you’re next decision was a wise one.

Your ghost was probably screaming on the inside as you placed your guns to the floor, bringing your hands into the air while staring into the gleaming eye of a Knight. Grabbing your arm roughly, it tugged you through a massive doorway leading to a room that was strikingly similar to the Court of Oryx back at the Dreadnaught. The portal at the center of the room shimmered invitingly as the bony bastard himself came out; even in death, he appeared to be in his prime.

“I see you have heeded my advice; come, hope of the Light, see the Darkness.”

His claws are cold as he grasps at your shoulders despite the solar flame surging over his arms. Feeling bold, you let your own solar light extend past your body, lying comfortably across his neck with a warm glow. As a creature who worships the Darkness facing a servant of the Light, he reasonably withdraws with a hiss at your gesture

You won’t say it out loud because he obviously carries himself with extreme pride, but you can’t help but feel bad for him. How can one person be an exiled son, heretic, servant, and now puppet?

“I won’t serve Savathûn. But I think I wouldn't mind spending time with you.” Before he can question you, you are promptly pulled from the realm by Eris.

Cue Vanguard interrogation once you return to the Tower. The talk is so egregiously long you make a move that would make Cayde damn proud: “GuArDiAn, We’Re NoT yEt FiNiShEd WiTh ThIs DiScUsSiOn!” Hopefully your shining reputation will save you from any dire repercussions...

Tracing your steps back to where you first met, you look around suspiciously following the lack of noise inside the Hive breeding grounds. You had cut your comm ages ago, the constant ping of Commander Zavala’s hailing grating your ears. The ground beneath your feet crunched wetly with every step, and distantly you heard the first Hive screech. Turning in a guess to the source of the sound, you set off in a quick pace, gun in your hand.

Upon entering a new chamber, you froze in surprise as you saw Nokris lifting a Knight by the throat. Taken magic pooled in his palm and raced over the armor of the smaller Hive, the bone turning black and a bright white glow shimmering across its legs. Still gripping the soldier, Nokris slowly angled his head to look down at you.

“Little. Light.” Dropping the Knight with no grace, his imposing form closed in on you with haste. Before you could take a step back, his claws came up to close around your jaw and upper neck. The rough of his talons dug into your armor, and for a moment you worried he would pop off your helmet and let your blood boil throughout your body in the harsh atmosphere. Instead, he pulled you closer to his face and brought up his free hand to grasp your forearm.

Nokris easily dwarfed you; even if you stood on your own shoulders you wouldn’t be taller than him. Passively, your thighs rubbed against each other at the realization. A detail he decided he would catch. Teasing mirth danced in his three eyes, hidden malice swimming just behind small organs. Internally, you were probably going to pop your helmet off yourself if you got kink shamed by a Hive prince of all things.

You squeaked quietly in surprise as he lifted you off the ground, the hand on your lower face readjusting to your hip. His hand, quite literally, engulfed your midsection as he brought you closer to him for inspection. This close, you could see every imperfection on his face. Second hand leaving your arm, you shivered as the prince ran a digit up the side of your leg and continued his way up, stopping thoughtfully at the junction of your jaw.

Staring into the glowing green embers of his eyes, there was no mistaking the murderous glint in them. At the same time, curiosity had made its home among his more dangerous faculties.

"You found me once, you came to me twice. Find me again, at the other side in the field of ash under the dark tower.” Letting you to the floor, Nokris turned his back and departed to Traveler knows where through the portal with the long forgotten Knight. Sinking to your knees in stunned silence, you looked down as a nearly imperceptible squeal broke the quiet. In front of you, was a Hive worm.

“No.” Before you could even speak, your Ghost gave its earful.

“I can’t not take it! I probably need it to find him. Either way, I told you one of these worms would be coming home eventually, look at its wittle face.” Your Ghost made gagging noises as you fawned over the wriggling creature you held between your hands. Tucking the three eyed larva under your arm, you set out to find the way back out.

____________________________________________

The next week felt like hell. The worm continued to get bigger with every mission you went on and keeping it a secret from the Vanguard was close to impossible. You had been wracking your brain for the answer to his riddle, and to be completely honest, it made you feel inadequate that you couldn’t figure it out. You knew the other side meant the Ascendant Realm, but what was the dark tower? Where was the field of ash? You had initially thought it was at Skywatch, what with the Hive ship jutting out of the ground and the small pile of chitin inside the cave not too far away, but there wasn’t enough ash for it to be a field, nor was it under the ship point.

It wasn’t until a light snow dusted the Tower one evening that it all clicked. He didn’t mean ash ash. He meant snow!

In a rush to the hangar, you waved a hasty goodbye to Holliday and transmatted into your ship, pulling out a layer of blankets to reveal your now cat sized worm. The grub squeed and reached its head up to your palm, crawling sluggishly into your hands. Holding the worm to your chest, you settled down in the pilot ship and gave your Ghost to plot a course. There was only one place on Earth constantly coated in snow with a structure that could be considered a dark tower.

“Ghost, set course for the Plaguelands. He’s at the Doomed Sea.”

You hadn’t been to the ravaged lands since the Siva Crisis; the whole territory gave you heebie jeebies. And yet, you were returning because one of humanity’s imminent threats wanted a chat that, realistically, ended with your head rolling on the floor.

The closer you got to your destination, the more restless the worm in your arms got. In fact, you could swear it was whispering something. Your skin crawled for a moment as you felt the phantom brush of his claw up your leg.

The moment your feet touched the ground, the world around you stuttered as the colors faded into grayscale, giving way to the Ascendant landscape. Below you, there was no mistaking the keen whispers of the worm. Its words were encouraging in a macabre way, praise and blatant lies; speaking of how well you fed it, talents being wasted on a god that heeds you not, urging you towards the ominous building looming over the shoreline.

Dust swept across at a rapid pace, as usual, in the warped realm. Coming up to the alcove, you saw him with his back turned to you. In a smooth turn, he faced you at last. Beautiful, blazing emeralds.

Relationship HCs

His idea of a relationship has wildly different parameters than any normal human would put up with

No matter where you are, or what you're doing, you can feel him at the back of your mind like a fog; it's a bit disconcerting to hear him talk in your head at first, but it becomes normal and he's actually quite helpful when you're out on missions

He expects you to help him study thanatonautics since you can die and be brought back within moments, but that's up to if you have enough charisma to convince your Ghost to let your bone boyfriend crush your skull repeatedly to see what you can learn about death

The relationship feels more like a symbiotic one rather than a romantic one, but you occassionally catch him practicing human gestures you've seen couples perform in public if he's feeling particularly good on a day

You're probably the only person who listens to him talk about all of his schtick and is able to give viable feedback; he is more thankful than he will let on about this fact

He does not like it when you try blocking him off from your thoughts and will demand to know everything you've done in the day when you see him again. In his perspective, he thinks you're trying to leave him behind like everyone else has

Will not handhold, because his hand can literally fit around your torso and because he thinks it's weird. He will, however, carry you places if you're going the same direction

He also thinks kissing is weird, but will (surprisingly!) actually let you give him kisses on his teeth; the sensation of soft flesh on his cold bones is unusual, but something he finds utterly riveting. Not that he'd let you know

Also doesn't like the amount of straight barbarity you inflict on the battlefield, but can appreciate your efficiency with your job; this is him silently worrying about your safety but refusing to acknowledge his crush on the flame throwing ape

His communication regarding affection is terrible, and if you couldn't tell shame on you. His favorite thing about you, that you will never hear from him or anyone else, is your face. He likes the way it changes into different expressions, the life in your eyes, and your lips because Hive physically cannot emote as expressively as humans do; you are an open book he has yet to read, adding new pages everyday

Nsfw 👁👄👁

First off, however you get the size difference to work, congratulations. His height over you is something he enjoys immensely when you two get into it, and it goes without saying he also likes how you "hug" him

He will fuck anywhere, literally anywhere. The floor? Yes. Against the wall? Yes. Hope you're somewhat of an exhibitionist, because he is not ashamed if any of his or Savathûn's troops walk in on you and will keep going

He bites a lot, and is not afraid to make you bleed because your Ghost can just patch you right up

Likewise, he will scratch you everywhere but he does stop to play with the softer spots

He is rough and fast, going after his own release rather than yours; however, he has high stamina so chances are you'll be overstimulated before he finishes

Absolutely a dom, he will not meet in the middle about anything of sexual nature

If you don't actively fight for your life during his build up, he will take that as the go ahead. He may be a Hive heretic, but he has standards

You don't really have the opportunity to find his sensitive spots as he usually restrains your arms, holding them above your head or pinning them down at your sides

He rarely makes actual noises, but he does hiss lowly whenever he makes particularly hard thrusts

He knows that copulation won't result in little Hive/Human hybrids running around with his blood in their veins, so 9 times out of 10 he will hilt himself and come inside you

Fluff

Uhhh, a w k w a r d

Anything that's fluffy is strictly delivered by you, and occasionally returned by Nokris since he doesn't get the point of such pleasantries

If you're fast enough, he will never get upset if you can sneak up on him for a smooch

Whatever he is doing, if you are available he much prefers having you by his side to have an extra set of eyes to help him observe (at least that's what he says)

Since his physical marks are healed quickly, he gifts you odds and ends from old planets his people have pillaged and little items you can wear on noticeable places

Hides it very well, but is extremely thrilled when you come to him when you want to do or learn something new

When you're particularly frustrated by something, he will comb his claws through your hair to his best abilities

Whenever you're with him, his demeanor is typically calmer; Savathûn's presence and influence over him is highly diminished in the face of your Light

The one thing he will willingly do with you that's remotely romantic is stargazing; not because of the romantic element, oh no, but because he wants to catalogue any changes and is very invested in teaching you about space faring

Has nicknames for you like Little Light or >Insert any game seal<

#destiny 2 #relationship headcanon #nokris #nokris x reader #eris morn #oryx the taken king #commander zavala #savathûn

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lombredanslaeu · 4 years

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𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒎𝒑 𝒅𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒔 | jung jaehyun.

plot: the story of jung jaehyun and the implications of his relationship with the ceo’s daughter - all the saccharine, the bitter, and the sour. word count 7405

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: curse words

playlist: the louvre lorde | hard feelings lorde | the girl city & colour | i dont wanna be okay without you charlie bug

this isn’t proofread, so i apologize for any mistakes. feedback is highly appreciated, it motivates me to write more. <3

“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are: “It might have been.” - Kurt Vonnegut

Contrary to the public belief, the daughter of one of the biggest entertainment companies in the country isn’t as snippy and snobby as the world pictures her to be. Growing up, you never failed to respect everyone, regardless of their social status. That’s why the world seemed to be in shock when a photo of you, Doyoung, and Johnny spread like wildfire all over social networking sites.

“Why are people so in shock about me being friends with you guys?” You inquired, shoving a spoon of cheesecake to your mouth.

“They’re probably wondering why the hell you’re friends with losers like us.” Johnny replied.

“Oh yeah, that’s probably it.” You agreed. Johnny faked a hurting face, causing everyone in the room to burst into small laughters and smiles.

A swing of the dorm’s door revealed three more of the boys. Mark Lee, Kim Jungwoo, and Jung Jaehyun. How do you begin with Jung Jaehyun?

Everyone fawned over the boy. Who wouldn’t? With a cherub face and charming smile, anyone would fall head over heels over Jaehyun. You blamed his looks, you blamed his voice, and you blamed Doyoung for pointing everything Jaehyun did excellently. You blamed everything else but yourself for having a stupid crush on the boy.

“Oh, I bought you guys cheesecake.” You smiled at the newcomers.

“You’re heaven-sent, Y/N!” Jungwoo exclaimed.

“Thanks, Y/N.” Jaehyun said, with that godly smile that he always wore. You smiled off the racing beats of your heart, concious that Doyoung or Johnny might notice your sudden tension.

Unbeknowsnt to you, one of them already knows. And he has a plan to accomplish.

The warm sun was normally a pleasant thing for you. However, your lack of sleep and rest the previous night was overtaking your personality today. The busy chatters of the students that walk through the premises of Seoul National University fileld your ears. It was a normal day - lectures, presentations, and countless pages to read. You’re already on your third year of college, you should have been used to this by now. Another misconception about you is that you don’t have a personal driver to drive you to and from places; heck, you don’t even own your own car yet. You don’t do it very often but you bratty side is cursing your parents for trying to make you live independently. You made a mental note to complain to them later that night.

A resounding beep from your phone made you halt your walk.

Jung Jaehyun (SM): Hey! Are you around SNU right now?

That’s weird. You thought. It was actually more new than weird. Sure, you and Jaehyun are friends but you don’t think you’ve already reached the level of texting each other all of a sudden.

You: Yeah! Do you need anything?

Jung Jaehyun: I’m actually quite lost.

Jung Jaehyun: Doyoung told me to buy something from this home depot around SNU.

Jung Jaehyun: Do you know where Rosé Palace is?

You chuckled at his sentiment. Your palms sweat by the fact that you just might see him today. You didn’t look your best at this very moment, you didn’t feel the need to fix yourself since your main plan for today was just go to school.

You: I know where that is. Where are you right now?

Jung Jaehyun: I’m here near the musuem.

After a few walks and turns, you found the poor man. He wore all black clothing, with a mask and a bucket hat probably to hide his identity.

“Hey, I’m sorry for being a bother.” He apologized.

“Oh, no! It’s okay! I was done with school anyway.” You quickly respond. “Rosé Palace is actually very near here.”

“Oh, is it?” Jaehyun spoke. “I’m sorry, I really should have just tried finding it instead of bothering you.”

“Stop, it’s really not a problem.” You assured him.

You expected the walk to the location to be awkward. After all, you and Jaehyun doesn’t talk much. He would only ever talk to you whenever someone is also in the conversation.

“Do you live around SNU?” Jaehyun asked.

“Nope,” You answered. “I live at my parent’s home. I don’t dorm here.”

“Really? Do you commute?”

“I actually do.”

“You’re not scared?”

“Not a lot of people know who I am, Jaehyun. They just see me as another tired, college girl.”

“Must be nice not having people know who you are.” His tone seemed down and almost envious.

“Hey, you should be happy people know your name.” You said. “I could probably die right now and no one would bat an eye until they find out I’m a daughter of a CEO.”

“That’s not true!” He spoke. “I’d bat an eye!”

You laughed at him. “Of course, you would.”

Jaehyun emitted a soft chuckle. You were definitely not someone he would casually walk around with. He didn’t think he was worthy of your time, anyway. But then again, you’re friends with every single of the members so you’re probably very nice. And right now, he proved that hypothesis correct. He silently thanked Doyoung for asking him to buy those set of plates for his mother’s birthday.

The next time you and Jaehyun hung out was during one of the company gatherings. According to Taeyong, “you spent so much time with Jaehyun that Doyoung and Johnny got jealous.” You never realized that yourself. One topic in a conversation led to another and before you know it, the gathering is about to end and you still haven’t spared any of the members a glance.

“Is your dad okay with you being so close with Jaehyun?” Doyoung asked.

“Why would he not be okay with that?” You answered his question with another question. “He seems to be okay with me being close friends with all of you.”

“Hmm, yeah,” Johnny trailed. “Sure, that’s the situation here.”

You only looked at him with confusion drawn all over your face.

“Do I sense some sarcasm on your tone?”

“What? Sarcasm? Fuck no!”

II.

It was during their live online concert that Jaehyun realized. In front of them are hundred of pixelated screens, some more distorted than the others. And yet, he still saw you, he still recognized you with a blink of an eye. You’re in a small screen almost at the edge. The other members didn’t notice you, they probably didn’t even know you were attending. He saw you, amongst the landscape of faces, he saw you. That’s when he realized. Jaehyun swallowed a small smile, fearing that Yuta, who’s arm is draped over Jaehyun’s shoulder, would sense something.

This isn’t the first time he realized that he was in love you. It was probably when he kissed you for the first time and the next time, and the next time.

“You love kissing me, don’t you?” You whispered against his lips.

The two of you did not even make it to bed when you decided to lock your lips together for the nth time that night.

“I do.” He replied. “How about you?”

“I love everything that you do to me.”

The night grew feverish. The two of you still hasn’t talked about the current status of whatever relationship you both have. You act like lovers but never brought it upon yourselves to admit that you’re smitten. Maybe Jaehyun felt embarrassed that he was the first to fall in love you. He probably will never admit that soon. The fear of nothing having his feelings reciprocated was bubbling inside him. However, the answers are right in front of his eyes. You have an exam tomorrow but instead of buring your eyebrows to study, you’re here between his arms, making out with him.

He didn’t know if it was love. He doesn’t like anything else about you except for your smile, your eyes, your angelic laughter, and the way he feels whenever you’re around. He feels at peace, he feels as if his feet are in the clouds. They could disperse any moment, causing him plummet to the ground. But he has no intention of going elsewhere. If falling to rock bottom would be caused by you, he would be more than willing to experience that.

Oh yeah, I’m in love. The only thought that lingered on his mind until he saw you in person again.

“Nice job tonight, Jae.” Your honey voice immersed from the speakers of Jaehyun’s phone.

“You actually watched.”

“Of course, I would. How could I miss that?” You chuckled, awakening the annoying butterflies inside Jaehyun’s veins.

A muffled clinking of glass could be heard through Jaehyun’s end. “Are you guys drinking?”

“Perhaps?” Jaehyun smiled through his response. Johnny and Taeyong’s loud bickering confirmed your suspicion.

“Celebrating the concert?”

“We’re not drinking.”

“Okay, I believe you.” It was your turn to smile at his silliness.

There was a brief moment of silence between you two. You could hear the faint breathing of Jaehyun and for a minute, you might have believed he fell asleep on you. A soft giggle proved you wrong. Just the mere fact of having you on the other side of the line was enough to make Jaehyun turn soft.

There was a loud argument inside his head. His job is unforgiving especially in terms of forming a romantic relationship with someone. If making friendships with others idols would be a walk on broken glass, what more could a romantic relationship be? The fact that you’re also the daughter of his boss didn’t help with his dilemma at all. It could either break his career or your relationship with your father. Jaehyun isn’t afraid of taking risk, yet somehow, he was scared of making another step towards you. When he realized that he was helplessly in love with you, he became scared of ever seeing you again. But despite it all, he still managed to say the worst thing he could have told you that night: “I’m in love with you.”

III.

You had every chance to realize. Each time he would stretch his schedule to make a spot for you, even every time he would spam your messages just to ask if you’ve made it home safely. You were not new to dating bans being imposed of idols. Although your father never directly imposed such thing to his recent employees, you knew full well not to meddle with the busy and demanding life of an idol. So, Jaehyun was a problem.

Another one of your problems was when Jaehyun kissed you for the first time the other night. You didn’t know what lead him to do such thing and to be frank, Jaehyun didn’t know what came to him either.

Normally, the secluded and narrow walkway you and Jaehyun are currently walking on would send chills through your spine. The comforting feeling of having someone beside you, and thankfully it’s Jung Jaehyun, made you feel safe despite the thrilling nature of the walkway. The tiring activities of moving in your stuff to your new apartment lingered through your bones.

“Do you always come walk here after school?” He asked, his breath forming smoke in the cold air.

“I do,” You answered. Jaehyun spun his head towards with a face full of worry. “I never leave school very late anyway. In daylight, this place is filled with people so it’s not that scary.”

Your information made Jaehyun release a sigh of relief. Good to know that he won’t need to worry as much about you walking this scary place at this time of the night.

“Thanks for helping me move my stuff to my apartment.” You spoke.

“It’s my pleasure to help you in all kinds of things.”

Heat formed in your cheeks. If you’re not wearing a thick scarf around your neck, you’re sure Jaehyun would notice the small smile you have.

“Hey,” His gloved hand touched your forearm briefly to call your attention. “It still wonders me how we never hung out before.”

“We just never had the chance I guess?” You shrugged.

Before you was a beautiful piece of art. You wondered how someone so charming and handsome could even exist. Not a single flaw was present in Jaehyun’s appearance, meanwhile you could list ten things you wish you could change about the way you look in an instant. You didn’t feel worthy of his attention. You spent a good 30 seconds just staring at him and he did the same.

“Can I do something?” Jaehyun asked, swallowing a lump in his throat.

“Sure.”

Jaehyun leaned down to meet your face. Placing a hand behind your neck, his lips joined yours. Oh my god, Jung Jaehyun is kissing me!

It took a second or two for you to reciprocate the kiss. His lips felt cold but what made you shiver was the booming feeling in your chest. The kiss wasn’t lustful, it was a steady and endearing kiss. He pulled away after a moment. In his face was the cute smile and a set of dimples.

“I want to hang out with you for the rest of my life.” He said.

“I want to hang out with you too, for as long as you want me to be.”

It also didn’t help that you’ve only came to terms with your feelings just recently. Behind your laptop was a pile of readings waiting to be read. University was your top priority yet, here you are. Looking immensely through your laptop screen with the whole universe in your eyes. That was when you realized. You were willing to put Jaehyun above anything else in your life.

You and Jaehyun was undeniably spending a lot of time with each other. It surprised you that no fans or news outlet has caught you and Jaehyun strolling around the city. You enjoyed being outside, you loved the city and everything that came with it. Jaehyun knew full well not to spend so much time outside with his manager. But, he could never say no to your requests. He don’t why either. Whenever he risked getting caught just to spend time with you, the universe has given multiple chances to realize how you felt about him. Unfortunately, oblivion has spread all over your system like a poison. It was only until tonight that you finally got the taste of the antidote.

You knew the consequences, you knew the implications. He was drunk and you knew full well that there’s a chance he might not meant what he said.

“I’m in love with you as well, Jae.”

IV.

The gloomy atmosphere of the skies mimicked how you felt that day. Your eyes lingered on your phone screen, it has been that way for about 30 minutes now.

Dad: No one can know about you and Jaehyun. Not even the members.

You were doubting the relationship yourself. Was this a good decision? Jaehyun never made your relationship feel like a mistake. Yet, here you are, thinking that what if being with Jaehyun was nothing but a mistake. You never meant for your parents to find out. However, it would dumb of you to think that you could keep this from them forever, or at least until Jaehyun retires.

“I expected you to know how complicated dating is in the industry.” Your father’s voice wasn’t loud but it was chilling and stern.

“Of course, I know that-” You started.

“Then, why did I wake up this morning bombarded with the news that you and Jaehyun are dating?”

You couldn’t answer him. You knew from the start the complications of your relationship with Jaehyun. There was fear and anxiety bubbling in your heart; and beneath it all, there was a small tinge of regret. That growing seed of regret was something you decided to shrug off. You would never admit to anyone that you felt that way.

“Jaehyun is one of my most popular idol.” Your father spoke again. “If the fans repulse him, my stocks could be damaged.”

You kept your head low. “I understand.”

“I’m not asking you to break up with him.” He announced, causing to look up at him. “But if I receive a news article about the two of you, you know what to expect.”

The leaves grew heavy as the raindrops drenched them. Suddenly, a warm pair of arms snuggled you close to their person.

“I don’t want to leave you while you’re this upset.” Jaehyun whispered.

“Don’t worry about me, babe.” You said. “I’ll be fine soon.”

You heard him drop a heavy sigh. Jaehyun was struggling as well. The last thing you want to do was to bring more stress on him.

“I want to go to Paris too.” You suddenly spoke.

“It baffles me how someone from a rich family as you has never been to Paris.” He said, rubbing comforting circles on your exposed arms.

“My family doesn’t like going out of the country.”

“I wish I could take you to Paris with me.”

“No.” You sat up a little. “This is your time to have fun with your fans and the guys. I know my parents has been really stressful for the both of us.”

“I don’t care about the world as long as you’re with me, Y/N.”

You stared at him for a moment. Before you know it, your lips were entangled with his. The sweet taste of Jaehyun and the bitter reality of your family made you press into him a little harder. Jaehyun wrapped his arms tightly around you as he savored every flavor of you that he could taste right now.

Under his heavy breathing, he spoke, “Promise me something?”

“What?”

“Be with me always, Y/N.” He said, with every bit of love and pleading that he could ever give. Tears were starting to burn in your eyes. You weren’t planning to spend this day with him crying.

“I promise, Jaehyun.” You responded, offering every ounce of sincerity you have in you. “Can you promise me that as well?”

“I could only show you once we get there, Y/N.” He replied. “Even if we won’t be together tomorrow, go to Paris ten years from now and see for yourself if I uphold my side of the promise.”

Many people have told you that love isn’t always pink skies and candy hearts. But, it sure as hell not sitting behind a computer screen, watching your boyfriend flirt with other idols. You sighed and close your eyes.

It’s okay, Y/N. He’s just putting up the facade that he’s single and ready to mingle. You’ve been dating him for almost two years now, get used to it.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe he’s just dating you to secure a place in the group?” Areum said. Areum is one of your closest college friends, the only person you shared your secret with. She was trustworthy, you’re willing to testify with that. However, came with her loyal and reliable aspect was the fact that she’s so fucking straightforward. She just have the ability to sense bullshit from anyone and she’s not afraid on waking people up.

You scoff. Half you wants her to be wrong and the other believed her.

“No, he’s not.” You said. “Why would you even think that?”

“I just got the vibe.” She shrugged her shoulders. “You don’t have to fully believe what I say, Y/N.”

“Damn, if you don’t like him for me, you could have just told me directly.”

“It’s not that I don’t like him for you, Y/N.” Areum’s tone was more serious now. “I care for you. I know that people can manipulate you in every way that they can to get on your good side.”

“Stop accusing Jaehyun of such things.”

It was safe to say that you’ve gone cold to Areum after that conversation. You hated that she might be right but you’re too full of pride to even admit that. But you know Jaehyun better than Areum knows him.

You tried. You tried to forget what Areum said. But the thought still lingers inside your head and now everything that Jaehyun did made you wonder if he’s doing it to stay secured in the company. You don’t have the power that your father has but he’s dating his boss’ daughter and you have a great influence on your dad’s decisions.

“You should have called me to let me know you were working late.” You said, frustration clear in your voice. It’s already an hour before midnight and you have not heard from Jaehyun until the moment he knocked on your apartment door. Ever since you moved in two years ago, Jaehyun has been spending a lot of nights there; he unofficialy lives there. His managers would have been pissed off by now but then, again, you are their boss’ daughter.

“The comeback is almost near.” He said, replicating your frustration. “You should have known that work will be tight now.”

“You could have sent me a simple text so I don’t have to worry where you are.”

“You don’t have to worry where I am, Y/N.” His tone was grim. “Do you really expect me to send you a text while I’m busy? I could have finish so much during the time I’m texting you.”

You took a sharp and deep breath. The anger and hurt were like tornados revolving deep inside you. It was normal for couples to fight but the frustration seems to build up one fight after another. Some days, you just wanted to fight with him. You don’t know what’s the reason or excuse for your sudden urge to form an argument with Jaehyun.

“I asked you to start the kettle for me.” He said. Now, his eyebrows were furrowed in clear frustration and his lips rid of their usual sweetness. His hand holding up the cold kettle.

“I’m sorry, I must have forgotten.” You said, your voice was low but it didn’t sound weak.

“I asked you to do one little thing for me, Y/N.” The loud bang of the kettle hitting the stove made you jump. Your heart raced at the sudden noise but it didn’t diminish your anger.

“And I asked you to do one little thing for me as well.” You fight back.

“Asking me to update you all the time is not a little thing.”

“All I’m asking is for you to take maybe a minute to text me where you are!” You roared. “I’ve been worried sick about where you are!”

“You know I’m just in the building, right?” He retorted. “Why? Do you expect me to be elsewhere?”

“Are you implying that I think you’re cheating?” You said, with a small laugh.

“Why else would you be so worried about where I am when you fully know I’m working?” He kept answering you with a question and it was getting tiring.

“I never said anything about you being unfaithful.” You stated. “Why are you getting so defensive all of a sudden? Is there a reason for me to be thinking that?”

“You’re unbelievable, Y/N. Out of all the things I’ve risked for you.” Jaehyun shook his head. “You’re unbelievable and ungrateful.”

The words stung. It was like Cupid shot a salty arrow towards the wound in your chest. He think you’re ungrateful. For a moment, you blamed yourself. Maybe, I am ungrateful and unreasonable. And before you could think about what to say, you said the words you were going to regret for the rest of your life.

“You know, I think you’re only dating me to keep a place in the company.”

You had to reason to say that. It was a sudden burst of the moment and you immediately regret it. Jaehyun gave you no reason to even think that. Your insecurity and fear got in you and you were on the brink of ruining everything. How did it come to this? You were about to retract your statement when Jaehyun turned his back against you for the first time in his life.

VI.

A penthouse was definitely too much for you. You never called it a penthouse though, you’ve always called it your apartment. It was great, finally moving out of your parents’ house even if it’s literally just ten minutes away. Everywhere you look, it reminds you of Jaehyun. He helped you move in everything and helped you settle in. The first few nights when you couldn’t sleep because everything was new and overwhelming, he was there to sing you your favorite The Smiths song. He didn’t know the lyrics at first so he just hummed the tune. He was sure he was doing it out of tune but he tried for you. The penthouse was big yet it was suffocating; but Jaehyun was there. It felt safe, it felt like home. You could sleep on the streets and you would still feel at peace as long as he’s there beside you.

Jaehyun couldn’t sleep either. You hurt him but he wasn’t going to deny that he hurt you too. And that’s the last thing he wants to do to you. Why did he turn his back when he knows that you’re just tired and worried? But why did you doubt him when you know he’s only doing his job as an idol? Jaehyun’s eyes immediately landed on the peach plush toy that you gave him for no reason, and then to the Franklin Wilson vinyl record that you spent so much money on. Most of the gifts you gave him, you gave him for no reason - not on an anniversary or on his birthday. You would just randomly give him something sometimes. Above all, you gave him immense love. You could date anyone you want, someone who is of great power and wealth. Yet, you decided to love him. When he’s with you, he’s devoid of all the consequences of the world. He forgot what aching felt like to the point that he forgot that the word exists.

But right now, it all aches.

“I said I’m sorry, Jaehyun.” Your voice was paired with the painful tears that streamed your voice.

“Come on, Y/N, stop crying.” He pleaded, his own tears falling from his eyes. You crying pained Jaehyun so much, the fact that he was the reason behind it didn’t help either. All he wanted to do right now was to hug you, console you that he’s sorry and he didn’t meant it when he said he wanted to break up.

“I want someone who would never doubt my intentions of loving them.” He said through his tears. “I thought you were that someone.”

“Is there anything I could do to change your mind?”

Jaehyun shook his head, each turn tearing your heart apart. You blamed no one but yourself. If only you didn’t say those words. You wanted to beg but your sobs were choking your words, as if it knows better than to say something in fear that you’ll fuck everything up again.

Jaehyun didn’t care about what vengeance you would do. He knows you so well and he knew you wouldn’t do that to him. But, in a way, he wanted you to do to that to him. He wanted you to tell your father to fire him, kick him out of the company. He wanted that so that he can know you can feel better after having your heart broken by him. He wanted that so that he can be assured that you can finally be at peace. Yet, he knew you very well. What bothered him the most was what you’ll do to yourself. Will you drown yourself in tears and neglect your health & well-being? Will you start flunking in university? It worried him and he hated the fact that he needed to end the greatest thing in his life to avoid hurting you in the future.

Areum was quick on her feet to rush to your apartment after hearing the news.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” She quickly said.

You only hugged her. Letting your tears and sobs fall all over again.

“I’m sorry I even said those things about him.” She said. A part of you wanted to blame her but you saw the bigger picture. You chose to let those words stick to you and ended up hurting Jaehyun. And Jaehyun has better things to do than to be kept down by a relationship. You knew he was begging to be freed without him realizing that.

VII.

The first time you saw Jaehyun was five months after your break up. Their recent comeback was a success and due to that, the company held a mini party to celebrate the boys’ hardwork. You shouldn’t have come but the pleading eyes of Doyoung and Johnny gave you no choice. They promised to keep you away from Jaehyun throughout the whole night. You doubted the plan first hand since you know Johnny and Jaehyun are drinking buddies. When there is alchohol, you best believe the two would be inseperable through the night.

Due to Mark Lee’s request, a karaoke console was present in the party. Taeil and Haechan were quick to have a duet before anyone else. They wanted to “bless the night with their voice.” You chuckled at their crazy antics. You definitely missed everyone. Ever since the break up, you focused more on your studies and in a few weeks, you’re off to graduate. The boys never failed to communicate with you through messages and video calls, but you never saw them as often as you used to do.

“Okay, everyone!” Mark screamed through the mic of the karaoke machine. “It’s my time to shine!”

You settled in a spot beside Jungwoo who offered you another cup of beer. The soft, mellow tune of the song began along with the title on the screen: “Leaves” by Ben & Ben. You heard Mark play this song in one of the lives he bugged you to watch in support. You never heard the first song and you didn’t really hear the song clearly in his live. But judging by the instrumentals, you conluded that it might be sad.

“And in the end, can you tell me if it was worth the try so I can decide,” Mark sang. His voice was heavenly but his tipsy nature made it funny.

You knew you weren’t supposed to be in this party. You already regret so many things in your life and now you’re adding this party to that list.

“Oh, you never really love someone until, you learn to forgive.”

Has Jaehyun forgiven you? The question suddenly came up as Mark sang that line. You felt like you don’t have the right to say that you’ve forgiven him. What did he do to you that would require forgiveness? Nothing. He needed to break away and that’s not a sin to anyone. You wondered if he has forgiven you - for doubting him and for making him feel like his love wasn’t enough. You wanted to punch yourself as you swallow the beer in hopes that it will kill the heartache.

Has she forgiven me? That question floats in Jaehyun’s mind even before the party. A love like yours was not something that is easy to forget. Jaehyun doesn’t think he could ever forget you or what your love felt like. It made his heels touch the sky and his fingertips reach the stars. He doesn’t know if you have forgiven him, for breaking your heart and for not giving it another try. Perhaps, he will never know the answer until the day he die.

The song has reached it’s climax. A series of “All will be alright in time” sung by Mark filled the ears of the listeners as the crowd grew silent, savoring the song. A voice inside of you asked you look at Jaehyun for the first time tonight. It’s been five months and being without him is enough punishment for you. You were going to give yourself the pleasure of looking at his face once again. He was five people away but, thankfully, you can still see him clearly. His head swayed lightly to the song before turning his head towards yours - not because your gaze burns but because he wanted to see your face again.

“Oh, you never really love someone until, you learn to forgive.”

The ending instrumentals played right after. As if living through the song, you offered him a small smile. Without thinking twice, he did the same.

That’s the answer to both of your questions.

The balcony of their dorms gave you a full view of the sleeping city. The faint sound of “Psycho” by Red Velvet crept it’s way from the dorm to the balcony. The sound became clear for a moment, an indication that someone opened the balcony door and closed it.

Jaehyun stood beside you, savoring the cold, night wind. You were both quiet.

“Can I hold you?” He suddenly asked.

You turned to him with confusion. You didn’t know why he would ask you that all of a sudden.

“Please?” He begged. “Before we admit that it’s done?”

Before you know it, your arms are wrapped around his torso for the last time.

VIII.

The busy streets of the city became a lullaby to you. After graduating from college, you interned in one of the top architectural firms in the country. You gained your architecture license after two years but you never left the firm. Unlike your father, you’re not really the leader or boss type. You enjoyed working for and with others. The company felt like a small family. It was very exclusive so they don’t really have a lot of core members; to be amongst them was a privilege in itself. The senior architect, Nayeon, was busy today so she sent you to present the design you both proposed for one of your clients. You never met the client personally or even knew their names as this was your first initial meeting.

The sweet smell of croissants filled your nostrils as you entered the meeting place. The client requested to hold the meeting in a luxurious cafe just a few minutes away from your office. This client must be really rich to waste time on a meeting in a cafe like this. The wide array of the pastries brought back your childhood memories as your mother would bring you home croissants from this place before.

Along with your childhood memories, a familiar yet dear face looked up from their seat. It was no one else but Jung Jaehyun, still beautiful even after all these years.

Oh, isn’t life just really tender on me?

“Hey,” You greeted.

“Hey,” he replied.

There was awkwardness, of course. But you needed to be professional, after all it’s been eight years.

“Im Nayeon couldn’t make it today so I’m here on her behalf.” You stated. “Hope that’s okay for you?”

“Of course,” Jaehyun replied. Standing up to offer you a seat. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

You cleared your throat. You wanted to get out of there quickly so you immediately brought out the papers.

“Do you want something to drink?” He asked.

“No, thank you.” You declined with a smile.

Jaehyun felt foreign. It seems like he doesn’t know who you are anymore. Well, after all, it has been eight years. You’ve grown into someone he’s unfamiliar with.

As you present your plans, Jaehyun couldn’t help but drift in his own thoughts. He wondered about what might have been. If things didn’t end up the way that they did, where would the both of you be right now? He wanted to marry you. He would look at you every night and think to himself that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Feelings change and so does what people think about others but he still wondered what would have been if he didn’t give up so easily.

But maybe, if the both of you held on that night, it could lead to even more damaging things. Jaehyun assured himself that he made the right decision instead of waiting for things to get worse. At least, right now, he has the ability to see you without resentment from either sides. That’s good enough for him.

“Thank you, my wife will definitely love that.” He commented.

Your heart sank at his statement. Of course, he’s married now. A beautiful creature like him would have no problems finding a partner. You didn’t know you hold hope in your heart right before it crashed down because of the sudden news. You were foolish in thinking that there could still be a chance.

“Your design is amazing, Y/N.” He said.

“Thank you,” You replied. “I’m glad that you like it.”

“I expected nothing but excellence from you. Of course, I would love it.”

You smiled at his words. Jaehyun never failed to make you feel appreciated. You’re bittersweet at the fact that another woman would feel appreciated everything, and that woman is not you. You remembered the late nights where you conclude that you would have this man for the rest of your life. All of that are a distant memory now, along with his touch and kisses.

The both of you are two different people now but you know, and Jaehyun knew, the love is still there. Maybe the romance already left, but the love and genuine care was still evergreen. And you both know that it will never die for as long as the two of you live.

IX.

There are a lot of things that you regret in your life. Most of the time, you don’t want to change the past. Even if a lot of things made you want to crash and burn, it still formed you into someone you never knew you could become. This was your first time in Paris, France. The wealth and fame you accumulated over the past years of your life as an architect gave you all the opportunities to get to this very place. However, you made no efforts in landing here. Not until it reached the ten year mark.

You still remembered the promise. But the other party is still not present and it’s almost nearing midnight. You didn’t want to regret every coming here so you decided to relax and make this all about you.

“You remembered.” A voice spoke behind you. The chattering of people that laid in picnics under the Eiffel Tower were still loud despite the time.

Jaehyun is here. He remembered.

“You remembered.” You said back. Your eyes still covered with bewilder, almost not believing that Jaehyun is in front of you, keeping his side of the promise.

“How could I forget?” Jaehyun said, almost in a whisper. “How could I forget you?”

You did nothing but smile at him, with all the love remaining in your heart - all the love that will never go away no matter how much you try.

“Do you ever wondered what could have been if things didn’t go the way that they did?” You asked, looking up at the tall, iron tower.

“All the time.” He replied.

“How’s Chaeyoung and the kids?”

“They’re very well.” He replied with a nod. “How about Eunwoo?”

“He’s doing fine too. He’s currently in Germany with his family.” You answered.

“Ah, I’m glad my wish came true.” He said.

“Wish?”

“Yeah,” He turned his head in your direction. “My wish that you find someone who will love you better than I did.”

“You wished that?” You asked in disbelief.

“I actually didn’t wish it,” He said. “I knew that the universe made someone out there to love someone as beautiful as you.”

“Oh, stop it.” You blushed. You felt guilty that another man, specifically your ex, was making you blush.

“So, this is my proof when I promised you that I will always be here.” Jaehyun whispered.

“And me being here is my proof that I meant when I said that I want to hang out with you for as long as you want me to be.” You replied.

The night was young and alive, so is the love you have for each other. A love that, unfortunately, neither of you could ever express ever again.

#jung jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun smut #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun angst #jung jaehyun au #jung yoonoh #nct scenarios #nct x reader #nct imagines #nct 127 #nct au #nct jaehyun #nct jaehyun imagines #nct jaehyun x reader

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extremelyblackandwhite · 4 years

Text

innocence - 12

PAIRING: bodyguard!bucky barnes x innocent actress!reader

WARNINGS: age gap, anxiety, ptsd, trauma, angst

A/N: i do know i was supposed to post this yesterday but i got lost doing a bit of cleaning around my room so here it is a bit late. hope you enjoy it! let me know what you think, much love xx

NEXT CHAPTER

Y/N liked the dark of the night, it brought her comfort. She could never explain why but the ambience of the dark night only disturbed by the glittering lights of the tea light candle on a heart cut glass which flashed little heart shaped golden flecks of light onto the wall. The TV volume was low, playing When Harry Met Sally which Bucky had insisted to watch after confessing he had never seen it, yet he was not the slightest bit interested in the movie. She, however, was. Cuddled in chunky yarn ticket blanket, oversized sweater pushed up to her chin and eyes glued onto one of her favourite romantic movies. Bucky was more interested in how she was curled against him, head laying on the side of his torso. She looked adorable with her shiny eyes in the romantic comedy and maybe Bucky would’ve shown some interest if he was watching the movie with Steve or Sam but whenever she was close by, he didn’t want to look at anything else but her. In all honesty, he didn’t think he ever wanted to look at anything else after h saw her. He’d be happy to protect her, as long as he could look at her. As long as he could look at her, he’d be happy.

He remembered the goggles they made him wear, it distorted his view, it made everything clearer yet somehow darker. He could never see people’s faces, he could never see their expressions but he could hear them scream, he could hear them telling him to stop and he wanted to stop, he really did, but he couldn’t. He was a bad person, he was a terrible person.

- James? - her voice dripping with worry cut through his thoughts. - Are you okay? You look spaced out.

- Yeah. - her hand escaped its blanket confinements to hold his hand. - Just tired.

- You can spend the night if you want. The couch doubles as a bed and I have some extra blankets. - she moved around from her place so she could sit straight. Bucky wanted to say no, he really did. He probably knew Steve was going to freak out at the idea of him not returning, he could do something to hurt her and he just didn’t want to risk it. However, looking into her hopeful eyes which held nothing but love and sympathy for him as if he had never caused anyone harm ... as if he wasn’t a monster, as if he wasn’t someone, or rather something, people should fear, knocked all his defences down. He wondered if it was a perk or a flaw to be that forgiving, to be able to look past the past, specially in an industry like hers. He wondered how long it would take to harden her and he wondered how long it would take for her to become a cynic. Most importantly, he wondered if he could protect her from that. - If you want you can take my bedroom, I can sleep in the couch.

- I can sleep in the couch, princess. - he sighed, smiling at her sleepy form who had begging eyes and a little sleepy smile. - You’re awfully good at persuasion.

- I was Capitan of the debate club. - she perked up, excited about the compliment. Bucky wondered what else he could do with that, knowing she liked to be complimented. She deserved to be complimented. - I’m very persuasive.

- No, princess. It’s those doe eyes. - he pointed at her eyes, little smile on his lips. - Saying no to you is like shooting Bambi. You have a very weird soft kind of persuasion.

- Thank you. - she smiled, pushing her blanket away to get up. - I’ll go grab you some blankets. Do you want fuzzy ones?

- I don’t need blankets.

- Yes, you do. - before he could tell her again that he didn’t need blankets, she was already rushing to a little closet nearby the door of her room. She opened it with her foot before placing herself on her tip toes to grab some blankets she had folded and put away. Her arms could barely wrap around the thick winter bedding and Bucky found it amusing how she started to waddle around with them before dropping them on the coach. - I’ll get you some pillows.

- You have pillows on your couch.

- They’re decorative pillows, Bucky. You don’t sleep on them, you decorate with them.

- Y/N ... - he wrapped her hands around her waist, pushing her to the couch as she got ready to go grab some pillows. - This is fine, princess. You don’t need to accommodate me.

- You’re my guest. It’s common manners, Bucky. - she tried to snake away from his grip but Bucky was much too strong and she had never been very good at leaving holds. - Let me grab you a pillow.

- No.

- Let me help you make the bed then. - she pulled onto his arm so she could raise her head to look at him.

- If it makes you happy. - his grip softened on her waist allowing her to escape him and get back on her feet. He let out a mindless little smile, raising from the couch along with the blanket.

Y/N quickly got to work, leaning to pull at the bottom of the couch which unfolded down onto a quite big bed. He tried to help but she shushed him away, placing the sheets in a way which would make a five star hotel jealous. Bucky couldn’t help but pick onto how much love and attention she seemed to lay onto every single motion she did. It was feather like, like the movements of a ballerina, so light, so soft, hypnotising even.

- There. - she pointed to the bed happily. - A nice comfortable bed for the night. Are you sure you don’t need some pillows?

- I’m sure. - he walked over to her side. - Wanna watch a movie?

- Sure. What do you wanna watch? - she jumped onto the bed, remote in hand as she wrapped herself back with her blanket. Bucky sat down on her left, lifting his legs to rest over the comfortable, now extended couch.

- You can pick.

- I have terrible taste in movies. You pick.

- You’re an actress.

- So? Cliché and chick-flicks make me happy and I don’t think you wanna watch any of those.

- Sure, I do.

- You big liar.

They two of them weren’t sure what movie it ended up being picked, maybe some preview just played on a loop but it didn’t matter because in less than half hour the two of them had fallen asleep.

Bucky disliked falling asleep, it always felt like falling. Falling reminded him of falling from the train. He could never exactly explain it, not to Steve, not to his therapist yet it wasn’t like he wanted to. It was an indescribably feeling; when you’re a child and you feel like falling you known warmth is gonna be at the end, you know someone is gonna catch you but no one caught him, there was no warmth. There was only cold. He could still feel his bone break, looking down at his arm to see half of it was gone. He remembered looking up at the skies, waiting for death to take him as the snowflakes fell onto his face. Bucky thought that was the worse, he thought that was the worse which could happen until they dragged him, dragged him through the snow. Whatever was left of his arm was chopped off, he felt it all, he felt it all through a numb-like status of mind and once he regained consciousness he rose his arm to see the metal arm.

- Buck? - she could feel him move and hear him whimper. It had woken her up and it was breaking her heart so she decided the best was to wait him up. She poked his arm once more yet when she tried to shake him, he topped over her, metal hand going straight for her neck, eyes wide open. It just hoovered there, over her neck, no grip but there was a look of pure fright on his eyes. Disbelief. - Bucky?

He immediately got off her, looking around before starting to walk quickly away from her. Bucky pushed the door open which sounded alarm bells in her mind. She tried calling out to him again but he ignored, leaving her home. Y/N rushed off her bed and followed him, not caring if she was in her pyjamas in the hallway.

- Bucky, stop! - she asked him, rushing after him. Bucky, however, kept walking away, pushing the door which led to the staircase open and expecting her to tire herself out but she didn’t. Y/N kept running after him, going down the stairs until she finally caught up to him. Her small hand grabbed his much larger arm. - Bucky!

- I need to go.

- No. - she said, calmly, hand over her chest to regain her breathing. She placed her hands on top of his shoulders, pushing him from a hug. Her head tucked in the space between his shoulder and neck feeling how tense he was. He was never this tense around her. - You need to go back to bed.

- Y/N.

- No. - she rose her head to stare at him. She sighed before leaning in to kiss him, giving him a soft, dragging kiss. - You need to rest.

She turned around, hand lowering to hold his before climbing up the stairs back to her floor. Her door was still open and she led him in, closing the door with her foot. She continued to walk through her apartment until she stopped at her bedroom.

- You’re okay. - her hand caressed her cheek. - You’re okay.

He wanted to believe her, he really wanted to believe her. He wanted to believe he was okay but he was not. He was still damaged, held together by tape which was losing its glue and it was only a matter of time until it broke loose and the pieces fell back into the shattered mess. Bucky was not okay but she was persistant and as she laid him down, he almost believed he was okay. Her thumb caressed his face while her other hand was firm against his chest. He didn’t want to fall asleep, he didn’t want to hurt her but his body didn’t agree with him and her soft touch lulled him to sleep.

The morning came with a crash, he woke up earlier than her, feeling her close to him, tucked under his chin. He pulled away softly not wanting to wake her up. He didn’t even know what to say to her and so he left, closing the door on his way out. Steve was probably freaking out at the tower and he didn’t want to have to deal with the after mat of almost chocking her. He reached the tower and most were still asleep except for Steve. Here we go again.

- We were worried. - he started.

- You don’t need to say “we”, Steve. I know it was you who was worried.

- Where were you? You were out the whole night, I tried calling you.

- My phone was dead, I stayed over at Y/N’s for the night.

- Y/N’s? - he raised an eyebrow. - You didn’t, Buck ...

- I didn’t fuck her if that’s what you’re so worried about. She just asked if I wanted to stay and it seemed like the better idea.

- Buck ... - Steve sighed. It was a hard conversation to have, one that he definitely didn’t want to have but he had to, he had to had this conversation either he wanted it or not. - We need to talk about Y/N.

- I don’t wanna talk about it.

- But we need to talk about it. You just ... The therapist and I think it’s not a good idea to get into a relationship. You still have some work to do until you’re ready to be in a relationship specially with someone who is not in our world and doesn’t understand that you’re still ... having some issues.

- I know.

- Maybe in a few years, after you’ve worked through every ...

- I KNOW! - he screamed at him before leaving Steve speechless in the kitchen.

He didn’t want to talk, he didn’t want to hear Steve but most importantly, he didn’t want to think of her waking up alone in a cold bed.

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tosikoarts · 4 years

Text

SFW Alphabet | Tsurumi Tokushirou

Wow, this one seems to be the apogee of my writing. You can check tosikowrites tag for more. Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Finally, a man who knows what he is doing. Tsurumi is a sly devil but he also got a taste of love, and those two points combined made him a danger to anyone he puts an eye on. The entire 7th division holds their breath watching how skillfully First Lieutenant pulls the unsuspecting victim into his snares.

Understandably, his main weapon would be the art of word. Tsurumi knows how to keep dialogue entertaining; moreover, he is well versed in complimenting his favorite person. He murmurs sweet nothings into their ear in public and in private, under the sergeant's condemning gaze and right under the nose of the jealous Second Lieutenant. Tsurumi does it wisely though, avoiding Usami’s uncontrollable obsession.

Gallantry is his middle name. As soon as they appear on the horizon with a bag or a stack of heavy books, Tsurumi miraculously finds himself next to them taking all of their stuff in his hands. Always accompanies them on the way home, from time to time pleases them with a small bouquet of lavender, moves the chair away from the table so that they sit down. At the same time, his gestures and moves, all looks natural like Tsurumi has been born with it.

Oh, also, he likes to spoil his loved one, pamper them without any limits. If they want to take a picture together, he will hire a western artist to paint a portrait of them. If they want a bar of chocolate, he will order to find the best dessert chef in Hokkaido. This is not his constant behavior, but Tsurumi quite often goes over the board with his affection.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Let’s be honest, to be best friends with Tsurumi you have to be at least no stupider than him and, better, even a little bit smarter. Otherwise, he will treat the person like another pawn in the game. Mind is a measure of strength, and those who are weaker than him do not deserve more than condescending attitude.

His best friend has to be patient and steadfast as a tin soldier: the hole in the head and lack of a brain piece deprived the First Lieutenant of poise so he is prone to outbursts of unwarranted violence. He may jokingly threaten to bite off their nose. Likewise, he may introduce them to the general madness of his division in the face of Usami or Nikaidou. They just have to deal with the crazy without going bonkers themself.

In addition, they have to have a wide range of interests or be willing to learn new things. Tsurumi is the one to offer to go to horse race, win (or lose) some money, and, without delay, go to the nearest theater. His broad knowledge in various areas makes it possible to boast in every possible way on every possible topic and he expects his best friend to keep the conversation going. Of course, his favorite topic is war and weapons so they must be familiar with it.

The advantages of friendship with this remarkable individual are: respect in all circles he is in; initiation into his plans or most of them; life will seem a lot easier than before since obstacles become suspiciously fewer…

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He has a weird desire for them to look into his face while cuddling. To be mentioned, Tsurumi takes off his enamel head plate in private and it works like a magic: his expression transforms into one of person who has been gone for too long, who was yet to see the horrors of Russo-Japanese war. So, Tsurumi likes to keep them on his lap, hands placed on their thighs or waist, and talk, talk, talk. For some reason avoids spooning: if they try to spoon him, he will slip away from their hands, turn around, and plant a gentle kiss on their forehead.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

It’s complicated. Considering his past with Fina, the whole idea of settling down evokes the unconscious resistance in Tsurumi. Grand plans for hidden gold are the one thing that interests him at the moment, or this is what he convinced himself in. Even in the case of having the most suitable partner, Tsurumi will choose treasure hunt over binding relationship. Same goes for children. His henchmen are his kids, his hellhounds, his creations that he nurtured with distorted version of love and adoration. It is unlikely that he has even a little healthy parental affection left. Great at making desserts, mediocre at cooking overall, doesn’t care about cleaning and leaves it to the partner.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Break-up can go different ways.

In the best case scenario, Tsurumi acts like a gentleman until the very end. On the designated day, he invites a partner to a quiet place and makes sure nobody disturbs their conversation. Even if it happens in the barracks, all soldiers are strictly ordered to stay away from the First Lieutenant's office. There are two cups of a soothing herbal tea on his table as well as dessert associated with them. In calm steady voice Tsurumi explains why they have to break up and how it would be inevitable in the future if they choose to stay together for little longer. In the end of his speech, they feel almost like they initiated this break-up and Tsurumi just conducted their thoughts like his own. It is harmless and easy break-up with no hard feelings after all.

Other options aren’t that innocuous. He can easily make up a kidnapping scheme to remove them from the sight. It may or may not be violent, may or may not leave them traumatized. In the worst case, Tsurumi with heavy heart will give the order to eliminate them and hide all signs of their existence. It is a pity that one cannot erase the marks left on him and his life.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As mentioned in the previous paragraph, formalizing a relationship is far from the first thing on the Tsurumi’s To-Do list. His partner can try to hint at marriage but he will either completely ignore it or adroitly dissuade them from such stupid undertaking. In a relationship, he remains faithful despite the absence of some fictitiously important pieces of signed paper.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Well, even if he is gentle in any variation, this gentleness carries a sadistic undertone. Tsurumi’s physical affection borders on pain and it is impossible to tell if his vulnerable moments are a theatrical performance or not. He can laugh endlessly, kiss their fingertips and bare knuckles, purposely tickle their neck with his long eyelashes or handlebar moustache but the very next second a predatory grin distorts his face, sending thing in darker direction. Only God knows what is going on in his head, really.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

A truly romantic hug so often shown in films and described in books: his hand rests on their waist, pulling them closer, and other hand catches theirs as if in a slow dance. Each time the distance between him and his partner becomes less and less, but what remains constant, it is a subtle smile and piercing gaze of dark eyes. When in a cheery, exclusively friendly mood, Tsurumi likes to give the partner a tight bear hug or a short greetings-like hug with resting his chin either on their shoulder or on the top of their head.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes years for Tsurumi to say “I love you” out loud. About 3-4 to be exact. Either because he cannot call his feelings real love, or because he does not want to let them ease off. Confession imposes the stamp of some kind of completeness on the relationship and it isn’t fun at all. In his speech, the magic three words are replaced by softer analogues like “I really like you” or “Aren’t you my sunshine” so his partner does not put much thought to why Tsurumi avoids confession. Oh, one hundred percent the day he finally chooses to confess will be an anniversary date. Expect a day dedicated solely to satisfaction of his partner’s desires.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Oh no no no, please, we don’t have that much space in the cemetery. Flirting with Tsurumi’s partner is like playing Russian roulette with five bullets in cylinder – highly lethal game of chance. After spotting unlucky admirer, Tsurumi tries to identify them and dig up as much information as possible. Their fate depends on it. If it's some kind of midge, a cockroach, First Lieutenant forgets about this situation pretty fast. He doesn’t want to deal with such squalor anyway. If this is a more serious figure, Tsurumi may want to teach them a lesson how rude it is to encroach on someone else's love. Probably pulls a couple of strings to get them into some kind of trouble. Get them fired, discharged, robbed, assaulted, whatever. At the same time, he doesn’t even mention them while talking to the loved one.

Provoking Tsurumi to jealousy is just as dangerous. His actions are not as radical as in the first case but his partner will have to learn that this is not an acceptable behavior. It is hard to imagine how far he can go though, methods may vary from simple manipulation to straightforward psychological abuse. The latter is the last and the least appealing option, which Tsurumi won’t use unless he is forced to.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Sometimes you just wonder where he learned all these tricks with his tongue. Tsurumi is a playful skilled kisser with excellent flair to where and when to apply fine knowledge of French... technique. Bites are not uncommon either. He has a habit of marking his loved one so everybody around knows who they belong to, and at least one hickey has to flaunt on their neck to keep him satisfied. Tsurumi prefers to kiss his partner wherever they want to be kissed, especially if they ask nicely, and to where to be kissed… a straight line from razor-sharp cheekbones to the notch between the collarbones is a great start.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Stranger’s kids are terrified of Tsurumi. Little ones burst into tears as they notice his wide smile, and those who are a little older stare at him with confusion. Teens try to stay away from this man since he fits the stranger danger statement very well. Thus to say, Tsurumi isn’t fond of being near children and prefers to pass the buck to the subordinates. If we are talking about his own (highly hypothetical) kids that is another story: they get the best of the best, they are spoiled rotten just like his partner. Of course, as kids grow up, Tsurumi switches to the carrot and stick approach spoiling them only as a reward for good behavior. Not that bad around children, really. It's not his fault that he fits the description of Boogeyman.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

On rare days when Tsurumi decides to spend the day with a partner, he never rushes. Those mornings are complete opposite of his usual mornings: they are slow, lazy, maximally filled with intimacy. No one is in a hurry to get out from under the blanket and if his loved one tries to sneak out, Tsurumi deftly catches them by the waist and drags back. I think it is clear that he is immensely touchy in the morning hours. The rest of the time is spent in a kitchen over a cup of green tea, in lively conversation on a variety of topics. No, he is not going to leave the house until the late noon.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Get ready for experiments and new experiences. Have they ever tried horseback riding? No? Good, he will be their teacher. Calligraphy? He will help to put their hand on a brush correctly. Nyotaimori or nantaimori? He will ask either Koito or another twunk to serve as a model. Tsurumi presents every evening date as a surprise that will not leave one indifferent and still he somehow manages to not overstep the bounds of decency. When their mood doesn’t fit his own adventurous impulses, the choice falls on a more classic pastime like late night walk or dinner date but there is not much that can be said about it.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

His partner won’t hear a bit of personal information, a single bit, until Tsurumi is one hundred percent sure that they are here to stay. Until then, he will feed the partner common unremarkable phrases which cannot compromise him in any way. Even after this, a lot of uncertainties remain: Tsurumi seems to describe events only in positive or neutral light, avoiding situations that obviously carry a grim implications. For example, not a word will be said about Fina or Olga and even if partner witnesses him fiddling small bones in his fingers, Tsurumi will make some fable up. Revelations happen but it is not something they will have a chance to get used to.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Easily angered but pulls himself together in the blink of the eye. His malice usually spills out in a form of nervous thrill so it is rare to see Tsurumi screaming his lungs out or getting into a fight. In a relationship, he puts on a mask of an eternally patient partner so his loved one won’t even guess about his anger issues.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Liar is obligated to have a great memory, do you get where I’m coming from? Now only he remembers what his partner has to say but also somehow knows what they hide from him too. If the information seems to be of low priority, Tsurumi immediately forgets it. Like what is he supposed to do with the fact that theirs first dog was called Akira? Best of all he remembers theirs crucial ups and downs both to establish the emotional connection and have some control levers in the future.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Difficult question. Not any of “first experiences”, not anniversary. Probably, the first time he introduced them to the group of closer soldiers like Tsukishima and Co. For the first time Tsurumi decided to “show off” his partner in the headquarters just to establish a clear boundaries between himself and subordinates. Of course, he was well aware of the risks and consequences but chose to do it anyway. The reaction of some was quite expected: Koito's face expressed unpleasant surprise and qualm, he couldn’t switch back from Satsuma dialect and when it finally happened, there were more awkward pauses than comprehendible words; Usami screwed up his eyes as if he was evaluating a competitor simultaneously deciding on the best method to eliminate them. Nikaidou didn’t really cared. Kikuta did neither. Tsukishima’s reaction was the most adequate of all: he politely bowed, mumbled words of courtesy, and got back to his routine. However, on the way to the office he decided to warn them that lovely Tokushirou might differ from their expectations. At the end, Tsurumi was extremely pleased by the flaunting and gave them opportunity to choose how he will thank them for the shown patience.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Tell me, who in their right mind would want to provoke this man? Like, who? His very presence is enough to scare any foe away, not to mention how lethal his overprotectiveness can be. Tsurumi is great at managing resources to make sure his partner is okay: there is always an armed invisible observer in the city they are staying in, sometimes they are sent letters in which Tsurumi takes interest in how their days are going, etc. On the other hand, in moments of real danger, his subordinates are those who take care of his loved one: soldiers are obliged to protect them since Tsurumi usually holds a leading position rather than actively participates in the dirty work. Has no need to be protected, however, partner’s impulses to do it are always met with tender emotion and sincere drawling “aww”.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Tsurumi has an enviable ability of being seemingly the most caring and charming man in the world without even trying. He is natural in wooing, it feels like the whole world is on his side: if he forgets to buy a present for the anniversary (which never happens, may I assure you), a hurrying seller will be selling cute necklace at discount price. Whenever he decides to go to another city with his loved one, there will be a festival or celebration. To be fair, Tsurumi does put efforts in the relationship and keeping his partner happy. He just has it easier than most of your common men.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

His own motives and desires will always be prioritized over his partner’s. It is reality that they just have to deal with. If his partner feels confident in enough, they can try to fight Tsurumi with his own weapon - flattery, ruse, and equivalent exchange, - but success still entirely depends on his mood.

Military career implies long partings with the risk of never seeing the partner again. For the person who cannot live without their loved one’s physical presence, relationship like this will feel like living hell.

To mention something more lighthearted, Tsurumi is constantly surrounded by subordinates that have questionable… adoration towards him. It asks for deep dive in military psychology, workplace psychology, and additional peek into sexual psychopathology but you get what I mean. Usami gets off talking about how First Lieutenant will be upset with him and, probably, will punish him, okay.

Tsurumi is shady man overall, damaged both physically and emotionally, he is missing a piece of the brain and it is already a long list of reason why one should think twice before getting in with him.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Tsurumi actually cares for his looks. He takes his time to shave the moustache and goatee just the way he wants it to be, thoroughly washes the hair twice a week, keeps the head plate clean by wiping it with wet cloth and disinfecting with alcohol. The main reason of his concerns is desire to look presentable and influential, not a banal narcissism. Does the face scar bother him? When there’s nothing to occupy his mind – yes. Tsurumi understands how drastically it changed his overall look and sometimes regrets what happened but what is the point of overthinking unalterable? Right, there is none.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Break-up is a huge deal in the sense that Tsurumi's reaction could be anything. Unpredictable. Up to monstrous consequences. The safest option would be drop everything and run away since he won’t chase them to the end of the world. Yes, he would feel betrayed and fueled with anger but whatever, it is not the most important thing on the agenda. Sooner or later their paths will cross again and it will be the chance for Tsurumi to show his disinterest. You know, this “I am a bad bitch, you can’t hurt me” style. Direct confrontation leads to a passionate interrogation on why they decided to leave. Is there anything he can do to prevent them from such imprudent step? Does their relationship lack anything? This conversation quickly escalates into preparation of feelings during which Tsurumi scrutinizes all their ins and outs. If they successfully survive this psychological torture mixed with all kinds of manipulation – congrats! – they are allowed to leave. Now he has left his mark on them, on their heart and soul, so they have to carry it wherever they choose to go.

In the case of their death, Tsurumi grieves. How does a man like him grieve? Through sublimation, of course. To stop thinking about the time spent together, he pays more attention to treasure hunt. Tsukishima unobtrusively plays the role of a First Lieutenant’s personal therapist, listening to his pensive monologues, but it doesn’t make any difference. Just like his Sergeant, Tsurumi has difficulties with experiencing repeated loss, and second time feels even worse than the first one.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Remember this clear liquid oozing from under his head plate? It is actually сerebrospinal fluid that provides mechanical and immunological protection to the brain. Constant leaking of CSF leads to a condition known as orthostatic headache: this type of headache intensifies while person is standing and eases when lying down. Tsurumi has extreme headaches after his excited leaks that are usually weakened by general thrill. Once agitation excitation wears off, he becomes incredibly irritable and searches for a quiet place to lie down. The one person who knows about such side effect is Tsukishima. He has saved a dozen of lives already by preventing fellow soldiers from talking to resting First Lieutenant.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He has specific requirements for his environment and a list of traits its members have to lack.

For example, curiosity did kill the cat. People by his side should not pry into his personal business unless they want to get bitten. It is dangerous for them, for Tsurumi, and for plans he has built, so his partner has to either be incurious or keep themself in check when it comes to bunch of stuff.

Freedom-loving and willfulness are the worst enemies of manipulator, no wonder that First Lieutenant looks for someone submissive. Guess, for those achieving high ranks, powerplay is an integral part of social interaction.

Ah, but at the same time, lack of personality makes Tsurumi yawn. Such people do not provide the kind of entertainment he is looking for and it is natural for him to overlook them in the crowd.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Sleeps suspiciously well for a person who bites people’s fingers off. Brain injury left him dreamless for the rest of the life so as soon as Tsurumi’s head touches the pillow he immediately goes into a deep sleep. His sleeping schedule is nothing special too. Obeying the laws of army life, First Lieutenant wakes up early at the same time very day and goes to bed no later than 10 pm. Lies on the belly with arms straight up along the body. Without the head plate, obviously.

With the advent of a permanent partner in his life, Tsurumi’s sleep became more restless. Now he feels way too energetic, tosses and turns in bed, and cannot find a comfortable position in the bed. Since most of the time they still sleep apart (he has a reputation to maintain, blah-blah-blah), Tsurumi has to take a walk to blow off steam and get rid of swarming thoughts. Sometimes it does not help at all so he rushes to their house hoping to find peace in their arms. And so it happens. Tsukishima has almost come to terms with the frequent absence of the First Lieutenant in the mornings. However, Koito is not that happy about it and keeps bothering sergeant with questions to which he has no answer. Poor young man.

#golden kamuy #tsurumi tokushirou #golden kamuy headcanon #golden kamuy imagine #tosikoswrites

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green-writes-sanderssides · 4 years

Text

Title: I collected all of my tears in a jar for you. Is that weird?

Pairing: Prinxiety

Warnings: Crying, anxiety, self-deprecating thoughts, hurt/comfort

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Most people think Virgil isn't much of a crier. Nowadays, they wouldn't be too wrong, but he has his moments.

He cried a lot when he was a kid, more than any of the other sides combined. In fact, they rarely ever cried; Patton was almost completely sunshine and rainbows back then, Logan never had anything to cry about, and Roman told everyone he was too tough to cry. Virgil, on the other hand, was sensitive as can be and had no idea how to manage his fears.

Then, for a long while, he didn't cry at all. He, too, became "too tough to cry." But in reality, he was in an even worse state than before.

Fast forward to now, where Virgil is a mostly stable adult. Patton cries more openly, no longer repressing his feelings like a certain logical side. Roman, well… he didn't even cry at the saddest of Disney movies, as one would expect. It seemed he was just too good for tears.

Virgil's own tears came back slowly. Though he still never cried nearly as much as he did before, he allowed himself a good cry session every once in a while to get it all out. He made sure to never get caught crying around others - he'd only failed that mission once, but he couldn't complain when Patton was so understanding. He usually never felt like he needed comfort, but his touch-starved mess enjoyed the tight hugs immensely.

This one was… a new low for him. He never thought he'd be crying over something as dumb as unrequited love; then again, he never thought he'd ever be falling in love with a fellow side in the first place. But even so, it shouldn't have been something to cry about. He never needed romantic love before, no one truly does. He had some wonderful friendships now. Shouldn't that be enough?

It probably would be, but he knew the friendships he had weren’t as emotionally fulfilling as he needed them to be. Roman’s specifically left him needing more. The creative side claims to be one of Virgil’s “best pals,” but he certainly sucked at showing it. He was trying, Virgil knew he was, but he could just never be secure in Roman’s friendship. He always felt he would never be good enough for Roman.

Not platonically, and never romantically.

These tears only proved that fact. What would Roman think of him now, as he sobs into his knees like a heartbroken teenager? Would he pity his weakness, or scoff at it? How disappointed, disgusted would he be if he knew it was because Virgil was in love with him? Deep down, Logan’s voice is calling out cognitive distortions, but the fact that he was likely crying over nothing only made the tears fall faster.

And yet, he still let his stupid, broken heart fantasize. He imagined Roman wrapping his arms around him, letting the anxious side bury his face into his shoulder as he rubbed circles into his back and whispered comfort into his ear. He would kiss his head and oh-so-gently wipe away his tears with his thumb. He would probably make a joke, too, just to make Virgil laugh and oh god it hurts-

"Virgil?"

He instinctually whipped his head up at the sound of his name. It took him a few seconds to process that the princely figure standing in front of his bed was Roman, the real Roman. Virgil felt his entire body freeze in panic, eyes still spilling tears as they met with Roman’s own wide, worried eyes.

“Wha- hey, hey.” Roman walked closer, kneeling next to the pathetic lump on the bed. “What’s wrong? Do you want me to get Patton for you?”

He should have said yes, but he didn’t want Patton right now. He couldn’t bear to watch Roman walk out of his life, only to have another side see how broken he was over the prince. Patton may have experienced heartbreak over Thomas's breakups in the past, but he would never know the feeling of falling in love with a side that hated him. So instead of saying yes, he buried his head back into his knees and shook his head.

There was a pause, and Virgil had to resist the urge to peer his head back up. What was Roman thinking? He was probably trying to decide if it was okay to leave, just let Virgil deal with his outbursts on his own like he always has.

"...Do you want me to stay?"

Of course, Roman was too nice to just downright leave. He was a man of action, after all, and even if he didn't particularly like someone, he wasn't going to leave them to cry alone. Virgil didn't want that pity party, but he couldn't get himself to say no.

Please don't leave me.

Roman must have taken the lack of response as a yes, as he didn't make any move to leave. "Can I hug you, then?

"Please."

The response was immediate, Roman wrapping his arms around him ever-so-gently. Virgil couldn't help but cling onto him, burying his face into his chest and failing to hold in his sobs. It was the first time he had ever been hugged by him, and it was probably the last.

"I'm here, I'm here." The prince moved one of his hands to stroke his hair, making another sob fall out of Virgil's throat. "I got you, darling."

He was trying to be supportive, but the sting of hearing the word darling come out of his mouth was nearly unbearable. This entire situation was just unfair. The universe heard his pleas and decided to tease him with a tiny taste of what he could never have, all while he humiliates himself with his stupid crying. Roman deserved better than this mess.

With embarrassment and anxiety coursing through his veins, Virgil managed to calm himself and reluctantly escape from Roman’s warm embrace. He gave out a bitter chuckle. “Well you probably think I’m a giant baby now.”

Roman frowned at him, looking directly in his eyes (a rare occasion). “Crying doesn’t make you a baby, Virge. Err-” He suddenly looked down at his shirt, where Virgil’s face was buried into just a moment ago. “I’m more worried about this eyeshadow you got on my clothes!”

“Calm down, Princess. It washes out.” The prince wasn’t actually mad at him, despite what his anxiety said; Roman was trying to bring the mood up in the only way he knew how, and Virgil had now known him long enough to recognize and appreciate that effort.

“So…” Roman rubbed the back of his neck in awkwardness. Here we go. “You wanna tell me what’s gotten our local emo down more than usual?”

“I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“Nothing is stupid to cry about.”

Virgil couldn’t help but scoff at that. “Says the person who never cries.”

There was a moment of unexpected silence, the prince giving him a blank stare before starting to pick at his cuticles. “Well, ah, that’s not necessarily true. Um-” He lets out a sigh. It seemed he was giving up something he was reluctant to give which, at this point, was only fair. “I guess... I actually cry quite a lot.”

He gave him a skeptical raise of his brow. “You, Roman Sanders, the person no one has ever seen shed a single tear, are trying to tell me you cry a lot? I don’t think it’s unfair of me to call bullshit on that.”

“Did you forget I am an actor?” He momentarily took back on his princely persona, dramatically posing before falling back into his sheepish confession. “I’m… kind of a hypocrite, I suppose. I don’t cry in front of others. I can’t let the prince be seen in such a weak state- but it’s not true! Crying doesn’t make you weak, Virgil, and I don’t see you any differently. You’re still our resident emo scarecrow.”

The supposed “emo scarecrow” let himself give a puff of a laugh, but a question was weighing on his tongue. Asking this was risky, but Roman had just revealed a personal secret of his. He wasn’t going to let this rare moment of sincerity between them go to waste. “...Do you ever cry about love?”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that. I was just-”

“No, no, it’s fine!” Roman still looked taken aback by the question, but he blinked it away in a moment’s notice. “I mean, yes, obviously, but that’s kind of a broad topic. Like, do you mean a lack of love? Or, Thomas’s crushes, or…?”

“Like your own love life.” He said it before he realized what was even coming out of his mouth. How could he say that? His own love life? That’s not even a thing - or at least, it’s not supposed to be, but Virgil’s clearly proved that’s not exactly true, is it? “That- That was a stupid question. Ignore that.”

“Yes.”

“Wha?”

Roman shook his head with a smile. “Yes, gosh, of course I have. Have you met me?” At Virgil’s wide-eyed shock, he lets out a sigh. “I know it’s not conventional, but sometimes I can’t help but want a prince of my own. It doesn’t make sense, or it shouldn’t, but it just does, y’know? So if that’s your problem, you’re not alone in that.”

“I… yeah, that does help a bit. Thanks.” He has to shake away the voice in his head saying this gives him a chance because no, he could never love you, you already /know/ this, Virgil, but Roman really did help, to an extent. He’s still very, very pained, but at least he knows he probably isn’t a freak. “You can go now, if you want.”

“Wait.” That single word immediately spiked Virgil’s anxiety. “Do you have a crush on someone?”

“Uhh--”

Roman gasped before he even had a chance to answer. “Oh my gosh, you do! Who is it? Oh dear, is it one of Thomas’s friends? ‘Cause I’ve been there, man. Back in Thomas’s early 20’s, I had a major thing for-”

“No, no! I don’t have any feelings for Thomas’s friends, Jesus Christ!” This was just about the worst outcome that could have come from this conversation. Virgil began to fold into himself in embarrassment.

“It’s… a side, then?” The prince began stroking his chin in thought, and Virgil was 90% sure he was gonna hurl if this conversation didn’t end soon. “It’s Logan, isn’t it?”

“Wha, no! Stop trying to guess!”

“It can’t be Patton, right? Then… is it one of the dark sides? That would explain a lot, actually. Don’t worry, I won’t be mad if it is- err, I’m not sure how I would feel if it was my brother, though. It’s not my brother, right?”

“Oh my god, no! I would never like any of... the Others like that.”

“Well, you’re clearly lying about someone. C’mon, Virge, you can tell me! I won’t judge, knight’s honor!”

Virgil let out something in between a groan and a scream into his hands. His face was on fire, his stomach felt like it was about to jump out of his body, and he was just about ready to bury himself in his blankets for the next week or so. “I have no idea how you can be this stupid.”

There’s a moment of silence- actually, much longer than a moment. Virgil starts to worry he was a bit too harsh, but then he just barely hears Roman mutter a soft oh, and he repeats exactly what he just said in his head.

Oh. Oh no.

He feels the entire world around him break as he tenses up, hiding his face further into his curled up form. Everywhere, from the bed to his own body, is now bursting into flames, and he can’t know what face Roman is giving him right now because he knows and the world is ending.

“Virgil, is it me?” He doesn’t answer; he can’t answer, as his throat has now closed up, melted together by the flames. Roman’s voice is so soft and careful in the madness around him, but he can’t help but imagine the look of disgust he must have. Or pity. He’s not sure which one’s worse. There’s a hand on his shoulder, both cooling him and burning him further.

“Virgil, please, please look at me.”

He does. He wouldn’t have lifted his head if it weren’t for the heavy tone in Roman’s voice, one that sounded suspiciously like crying, and one look was enough to confirm his suspicions. The prince’s eyes were visibly glossy, only a few blinks away from spilling tears, and he was smiling.

Virgil felt another break, but a completely different kind.

“It’s me.” he doesn’t ask this time. He says it with full confidence, letting out an exasperated laugh. “That means I’m not the only stupid one here, then.”

“I…” Though his throat was no longer burning, he couldn’t find another word. Not when Roman was looking at him like that, and not when he was pretty sure he was about to start crying again.

Roman was hugging him. He didn’t know when that started happening, but he hugged back this time, properly wrapping his arms around him instead of clinging onto him.

“I’ve cried so many tears for you, Virgil.” He repeated Roman’s words a thousand times in his head, desperately holding onto that tone he had never dreamed would be directed towards him. “After all the things I’ve done to hurt you, after how much we used to hate each other, I never thought I’d ever be forgiven, much less loved.” He sniffed and moved to hold Virgil’s face in his hand ever-so-gently, still smiling brightly with tears falling from his cheeks. “But it didn’t matter. Because all I wanted was to love you.”

“I-I, uh… Same.”

Roman immediately started giggling at Virgil’s response, and while he should have been rightfully embarrassed, he couldn’t help but start giggling himself, letting the embarrassment fly away with the beautiful sound of Roman’s laugh.

Their laughs and tears would drive them to sleep, holding each other throughout the night without a second thought. And in the morning, they would talk until there were no more words to speak. They would agree to take things slow, to thicken the spots of thin ice they still walk upon until they were sure neither of them would fall. And if the fall turned out inevitable, then the other would catch them before it’s too late.

And they would cry. And they would agree to cry more, to be 100% themselves while staying vulnerable. Because despite what they might have thought, even the bravest of knights and most handsome princes shed a tear when the night falls.

___________________________________________________

Notes: Something I completely forgot to mention in this story is that Virgil accidentally summoned Roman and didn’t realize it.

Hope you liked it! Reblogs > Likes

#sanders sides #prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #ts fic #thomas sanders

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chimswae · 3 years

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BTS Caretaker CH30

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 4,362

- Author Note:it is almost new year everyone, happy advance new year :) and oh Happy tete day! <3

Previous | Next

Chapter 30

The ride to BigHit felt awfully long and draggy. Not to mention, to be seated in the moving vehicle in between Yoongi and Jungkook were making her broke into cold sweat. It brought the memory of her and Yoongi intimate moment few days ago. Seul could not get over the fact that they got carried away and be that close. To be frank, she didn’t regret the moment that she had with Yoongi. It was supposed to be a mistake knowing her position in this complicated relationship, she couldn’t just lie to Jimin and Jungkook and go behind their back.

They agreed to have a fair fight. Would it be fair for Jungkook and Jimin if she continued to lie on their face about his hyung and her intimacy? Another thing about this incident, Seul had not make her mind just yet in regard to which man that she loved the most.

Yes, call her a bitch. Seul admitted she’s being a bitch and a little greedy.

Not that she wanted to prolong this and toyed their heart. The thought of surrendering your heart to that one person scared her to death. What if she made a wrong choice? Jungkook, Yoongi and Jimin had showed how much they cherished her in their own way.

To break it down one by one, Seul could tell how they were loving her differently.

With Yoongi, it is called infatuated love. Lust and desire lead to infatuation along with an unspeakable intense emotion. However, this infatuated love that she had with Yoongi was a healthy one. Some may think, infatuation can scar you, infatuation only seeks for control not love and infatuation is not love. It was different with Yoongi.

The fear of falling for someone dangerous like Min Yoongi, blinded her for quite some time. If this relationship that they had was a mere fantasy, and temporary, how was it possible to feel the intimacy physically and emotionally? Speaking of infatuation, people set a clear line between reality and fantasy. It was clearly being said that infatuation was not a real love. It only tried to disguise those fake belief with love.

Don’t you realize if you don’t fantasize something, the desire to make the things yours won’t exist. In her case, if Seul choose not to fantasize Yoongi, this thing with him won’t happen. Luckily for her, she did fantasize to be in loved with Yoongi. What stops her then?

Infatuated love can be overpowering and intense. Seul could feel the intensity with him around. The looks from his eyes, those sinful mouth who used to utter the most sinful things and the tenderness in his touch lashes out the scar in her heart, overpowering her every single time.

Hence, her feelings for Yoongi, could it be love?

Now, this passion she had with him involve love and commitment, could she call it fatuous love instead?

Jeon Jungkook, that not so innocent honey bunny who never fail to amaze her. Who never fail to render her speechless. Who seem to have so much power over her with a single look. How can a man be so powerful, sexy and at the same time to appear deliciously innocent? Jungkook, that one man she tried to avoid yet it failed her. He is irresistible.

If with Yoongi is infatuated love, then she could say it is a romantic love with Jungkook. There were an obvious intimacy and passion between them, though their level of intimacy were brief teases here and there, it never went beyond kisses.

“Romantic love can generate many powerful feelings. It can provide a profound ecstasy, and a deep suffering when frustrated. To some people, romantic love is irrational. Romantic love can seem like an emotional storm. (Conner) ”

She never mistaken Jungkook’s flirt as a way for him to persuade her into his bed. However, she could tell Jungkook was as sexually frustrated as her. She felt like a total bitch for having such fantasy for the young man when obviously she, out of people should know the boundary. So far, she was doing good in refraining herself from giving false signal towards Jungkook.

Seul was being cautious in everything that she does.

Oddly, she enjoyed having these weird butterfly feelings in the stomach whenever with Jungkook. Not weird, just it was special thing that she had with Jungkook. She couldn’t compare Jungkook and Yoongi, the way how these men approach her were different. It gave her an immense feeling of frustration and confusion.

Frankly speaking, her relationship with Jungkook started off normal like those normal people out there. They cultivated them by building it on a solid foundation of trust. Being playful and having fun together, a loving and conscious relationship started to emerge. The passion in this relationship was evident, and it was unavoidable.

Could Jungkook and Seul consciously moving toward a long-term relationship with the sense of commitment together?

Jimin. A small guy with big heart. His heart is an ocean that’s inside a bigger ocean. It had grown bigger and bigger over times and became more ferocious and bold. He used to be extremely shy around her, yet little did she know he became one of the earliest person to confess his feelings.

It would be a lie if her feeling was never swooned because of his charming side and his gentleness. Everything is perfect when it comes to Park Jimin. The number of flaws that she could find in him thinning with every moment they spent together. He’s not aggressive and more compassionate in showing his love.

Seul called it a companionate love.

Companionate love develops slowly with the presence of intimacy and commitment. There is not much passion that Seul experienced with Jimin as his confession was too abrupt and happened at the most unexpected time. It gave her no time to process her feelings for Jimin whether it was only an affection towards a friend or more.

It was more like a reliable relationship that was a little bland. Could it be Seul whom was a little comfortable with Jimin around? Did she fell the same though? As much as she hated to admit this, if they rekindle the fire and bring back the passion between them, at this rate anything is possible.

That adorable mochi, she couldn’t seem to get him out of her mind. At one point of time, she longed for his gregarious presence beside her. She didn’t want to assume this feeling as love in case she only saw him as someone dependable and trustworthy which was worth to be called as friend.

Would it be too early to set this fine line between her and Jimin?

Jin. Kim Seokjin. It was hard to ignore the obvious. Jin had been behaving oddly intimate and too comfortable with her these days. Seul thought it was his natural oppa instinct to be friendly, lively and approachable to everyone. Now, she was doubting him. Was this thing with Jin can be consider as a friendship? Pure friendship or there was something lying beneath it.

Seul must not reconsider Jin in this. It would be bad if she involves Jin in her already messy mind and distorted thinking.

What’s Jin to her?

What’s her to Jin?

She was so lost in her thoughts, when she heard a distant voice calling her, finally dragging her out from her peace. “Seul-ah, did you call me?” Jin pushed his round glasses back to its place. Flustering at his question, she stared at him blankly “No..I said nothing...” this freaked her out. Was it a telepathic thingy? How could he hear the things in her head? Scary world.

“Really? I swear I heard my name being called… “he pursed his lips and turned his head back to the empty street. Seul expelled a sigh of relief when Jin had stopped questioning her further.

Jungkook noticed her strange demeanour and slipped off his arm around her shoulder looking extremely concerned, “Are you okay? You seem a little jumpy” a low murmur could be heard near her left ears which tickled her.

“I am okay. Just a little tired” she leaned back in his arms, seeking for comfort and warmth. Seul was not good in dealing with her own feelings now, she felt the need to have a long bath to clear her mind. Yoongi was already fast asleep beside her, like how easy for that man to nap in any condition.

“Take a short nap. I will wake you up when we reach our destination” his voice was soothing making Seul wanted to fall asleep right away. Nodding briefly, she settled down in Jungkook’s arm, letting herself melted into his embrace and closed her eyes.

Jeon Jungkook smelled so good and feel so warm like usual.

-----------------

Thirty minutes journey felt like forever. The heavy traffic was not helping at all. Seul managed to have a short nap thanks to Jungkook and pulled herself together before she embarrassed herself with her sleepy face.

Their manager parked the silver vehicle on the other side of the building to avoid the fans. Knowing they brought Seul together, it was wise to be extra careful even though there’s nothing to be worried off. Several people greeted them on their way to the break room. There were a few people gathered in the room as they entered, and it seemed like they were facing the culprit who sat at the centre of the room with his head hung low.

Seul followed the rest of the members greeted the staffs which she didn’t really recognize. There were few familiar faces like the boys’ personal managers, and camera director who went to Las Vegas with them. She was not that friendly with them, so she stood there awkwardly waiting for the truth to unfold by its own.

“He admitted being the cause of all this?” Namjoon went to Sejin’s side holding his gaze on the guy. The guy sat silently, sealing his mouth shut without lifting his head up. He was too afraid to meet any of the angry eyes in this room.

“Yeah, he claimed that he was the one who trashed the practice room and the studios. Nothing came from him except his name, age and occupation” one of the staffs spoke with a stern voice. Seul tilted her head to the culprit, scrutinizing his feature with a heavy heartbeat. Everything about the guy was familiar to her, she wondered if they ever met each other before.

She wanted to take a brief look of his face, but he had been adamant in keeping his head down. That was strange. Yoongi’s voice boomed not long after. “Why the fuck did you do that?” his voice was gruff, and his brows drawn together into a frown.

The guilty guy flinched in his seat upon sensing Yoongi’s anger “I…am sorry…I was forced to do this” he murmured softly but enough to draw Seul’s interest towards him. It was not just his appearance, but his voice sounded like someone she knew. It couldn’t be him right. Impossible.

She shrugged the possibility out from her thoughts and tore her gaze to Yoongi. His jaws tightened as his fist curled up into a ball. God knows how much she hated violence. She hoped this man could hold back his anger and not to cause any scene.

“Sorry won’t change a thing. You broke into our place and erased my work. Who do you think you are?” he snarled angrily.

The guy fell into silence and he looked vulnerable in his seat. Her heart ached in pain watching him fidgeting uncomfortably there probably accepting the fact he would be punish severely after this. It was the mistake that he committed, and it wouldn’t change the fact that this might ruin his life forever.

Annoyed, Yoongi moved forwards grabbing his collar harshly, forcing the guy to look at him “LOOK AT ME WHEN I AM TALKING, DOUCHEBAG!” glistening with the tears, the guy lifted his head slowly, staring at Yoongi helplessly.

“Hands off Yoongi. Don’t use your fist” Jin warned.

The image of that young man in Yoongi’s hold shocked Seul. She couldn’t believe what she saw. Wasn’t that his little brother Hoon in front of her?

What in the world is happening to Hoon.

Why was he in that seat and admitted to a crime that appeared impossible for him to commit?

What was his motive?

“Hoon-ah….” Seul squeezed the word out from her mouth garnering everyone’s attention towards her included Hoon. The young man trembled at the mere sight of his sister and bursting into tears right away. He was agitated and frightened to what he might face making its hard for him to control the emotion inside.

“Nuna..help me” he pleaded in desperation.

Sejin looked baffled as he inquired “Do you know him Seul-ah?” confused, Yoongi released the guy from his grip. “He is my brother” with that she hurriedly went to Hoon, pulling the poor boy into a tight embrace startling everyone in the room. “Hoon, what the hell is happening? Why are you here?” the younger guy buried his face in her shoulder, shaking in fear.

“Brother? He is your brother?” said Hoseok in bafflement.

“This is so messed up” light murmurs flied echoed across the room, expressing their concern and confusion. After learning the news about the culprit identity, they failed to brain the information and make sense out of this.

How on earth Hoon ended up in this state?

“Ji Hoon, tell me right now. What is this all about? Is it true you are the one who behind this?”

Hoon pulled away, keeping his head low just like before, sighing heavily “Nuna..I didn’t mean to- Yes, I did it. I was forced by someone from the competition” he confessed. All eyes were on Hoon as he finally said something more than just a desperate sorry.

“What kind of competition? Hoon, is there something that I don’t know? Something that you have been keeping away from me. Spill it out one by one” she said firmly with a deep frown.

“I..got into a survival show. Produce 101” he tugged the hem of his shirt nervously, anticipating Seul’s reaction. He screwed up big time for not being opened to his mom and sister about his dream to become an idol.

Just like he expected, Seul eyes flew open upon hearing the revelation of Hoon joining a survival show. Not that she ever heard about the show before since her knowledge about entertainment and idols were not that impressive.

“Produce 101? You are one of the contestants?” Jin looked just as shock and it was evident on his face. Hoon bit his lower lips and nodded weakly.

“Survival show? Do you need to kill someone in order to survive? Like Hunger Games?” she started to hyperventilate. For a moment Hoon just stared at his sister, looking rather perplexed.

“Yah no! It is not that kind of show! It is a survival show to be an idol” he explained calmly.

“What? Wait..Idol? How can mom and I have no idea about you joining that show? I don’t even know you are into singing or dancing or worse becoming an idol! What else are you hiding from us? Gosh, you are full of surprises” words coming out from Seul moved faster than a loaded machine gun.

Cringing at her pitchy voice, Hoon rubbed the back of his neck “I am sorry nuna. I wanted to tell you and mother about this. But, it is still new, and I am not sure if I will be able to survive until the end. I am thinking to reveal it to you until-“ Seul snapped before he could finish his sentence.

“Until you become the winner or until you’re eliminated from the show?” she snorted sarcastically. Her temper was so fierce she had to clench her hands to keep them by her sides and not around his throat. The boys looked amused to witness her temper, it was no joke.

Namjoon mumbled lowly “Let the boy finish his story Seul. Control your mouth” he shot the girl a meaningful look shutting Seul mouth instantly. She let out a small grunt while rolling her eyes as she signalled her brother to continue.

Hoon took a deep breath, gathering his strength to scan faces in the room “I wanted to prove it to you and mother that I really wanted this. Until it happens I plan to keep it away from both of you. I am sorry” Seul massaged her aching temple.

“I am sure you are not working alone. Who is your partner? How is it possible for you to have access to this building when it is fully secured?” Jimin questioned softly.

Hoon was numb with shock, too frightened to answer, and he took a moment to organize his thoughts and words. They patiently waited for the younger guy to speak and when he did it once again left them in pure shock.

“It is one of the hyungs from the show. He’s an underground rapper and used to be in the same team as Yoongi hyung and Namjoon hyung” their consciences were alarmed as they exchanged confused glances.

The dark-brown haired rapper groaned in disapproval, looking at Hoon intensely “Who is he? Someone that we know?” he grew impatient.

“His real name is Ki Jun, and he called himself ‘Sly KN’ back then. He told me he knew both of you especially Yoongi hyung. That.. he has an unfinished business with you” Yoongi scoffed, groaning under his harsh breathing.

“Ki Jun. How can I forget him? Now he has resurfaced again. How ironic.” a flash of memories came knocking into his mind. It had been years since the incident, yet it remained fresh in his memories. The thing that Ki Jun did towards him was unforgiveable and unforgettable.

Namjoon gasped in horror knowing exactly who’s the infamous Ki Jun.

Ki Jun was the same person who stole Yoongi song and made money from it. He was the nastiest human on planet who betrayed his friend for money and fame. To make it sounded even horrible, Ki Jun pinned the blame on Namjoon and made Yoongi turned his back on him. Those times were hard for both of them. They didn’t trust each other. They let Ki Jun words got them and in the end, it ruined their friendship.

Realizing Ki Jun was toxic did not happen right way. They had plenty of arguments and betrayals to finally realize Ki Jun was the cause of the misery. Yoongi remembered the last time he met that bastard.

The man with frenzy hair threw 100 won coins at Yoongi and smug “That is your share. You deserve that at least Min Yoongi. Plus, the songs that you produced are not that good. Barely made money out from it”

Seul tilted her head confusedly trying to patch all the info together. It sounded to her this man, Ki Jun and Yoongi had a bad past together. “Hoon-ah, this Ki Jun guy, out of all people in the competition, why he made you do it?” she emitted another long sigh.

His face darkened and his boisterous voice dropped to a mutter “He found out about mother working for BTS…and…he..made me do it” Seul furrowed her brows as she scrutinized his features in hope to find some answers.

Then it dawned on her, his brother was bullied by this Ki Jun dude.

“Ji Hoon, what did he do to you?” Hoon averted his gaze and swallowed, like he was scared to say something as if his life depended on it. “I am asking you one more time. What the hell did this Ki Jun do to you?” she raised her voice forcing herself to sound as nice as she could. She knew it better. Seul couldn’t hold her frustration and anger any longer.

The air inside the room suddenly seemed stifling as everyone’s attention now was on the siblings. No one even dared to get in between them. The truth of what was happening about to be unravelled. It was a matter of time until Hoon decided to open up about everything.

“He…” he turned his back confusing everyone, and carefully Hoon lifted his shirt to reveal the visible burn marks on his skin. There was a loud gasp from the floor. They couldn’t fathom the image in front of them, it looked horrible and painful.

“Hoon-ah…What..why..” Seul gulped the heavy lump in her throat, as her fingers trembled slightly. Yoongi jaws clenched, and the dark gleam seemed to come into his eyes. Bastard, he grunted angrily in his head.

Seul covered her mouth with her hand to control the sound of crying. She felt like she had been a horrible sister to Hoon. Why was she not aware of Hoon’s sufferings? She could have done something about it if and only she showed extra compassion and love for him.

Hoon sobbed, tears rolling down his puffy cheeks, breaking her heart because she badly wanted to wipe them away and embrace her brother tight. “I am sorry Hoon.. I am sorry for being so ignorant. I should have paid more attention on you” she pulled younger boy into a tight embrace.

“Let’s give them a moment. We have to talk” Namjoon said with a sigh, glancing up at the members and their managers. With a deep and long-drawn sigh, everyone seemed to be prepared for a lengthy talk. Everyone exited the room giving the space for the siblings to sort the unsettling issues between them.

-------------

Seul managed to clear the misunderstanding and convinced them that Hoon was a victim, though she offered to pay for the damages that he made, Bang PD strictly rejected her idea. Bang PD had sent his team to deal this thing with Ki Jun personally knowing he had been abusing Hoon in the competition for his own benefit.

As if this issue was not fucked up enough, they found out one of Bangtan’s backup dancer was behind this. It answered to the questions on how Hoon got into the building without being caught by the security. Apparently, Ki Jun had a best friend who appeared to work for Big Hit as BTS backup dancers. He had been using him to get to Yoongi for so long, but his plan never worked out. Therefore, seeing the bright chances in front of him, Ki Jun used Hoon to do the nasty things for him, sacrificing the innocent boy.

However, Hoon still had to deal with this issue legally in order for them to take action against Ki Jun for good. He expressed his intention on leaving the show since he found that it only to stress him even more if he remained as one of the contestants. For the first time, Hoon and Seul had a decent talk about their life and worries.

Seul realized she had missed a lot of things about Hoon. Today’s conversation that they had taught her a lot of things about her little brother. They were closed to begin with, however they failed to make time for each other to have this heart to heart talk. Thankfully, they found their way to each other before it’s too late.

Hoon felt extremely guilty for ruining Yoongi’s works and he had been apologizing non-stop to him. There are no words to express his sorrow and regret for the pain he had caused others by his reckless actions.

“You are young. Human commits mistake. Don’t worry, it is not your fault. It is Ki Jun’s. I am sure it is harder for you” Yoongi patted his shoulder, smiling meekly.

He chewed his lower lips and bowed deeply once again “Thank you hyung. I will forever remain indebted to you..I am sorry again” the older guy smiled genuinely melting Seul’s heart. She was touched by his kindness. If she were Yoongi, she’s not sure if she could pull a smile on her face. Yoongi is truly a fallen angel.

“Lets head back, it has been a long day. I bet you need a rest” she caressed his back gently, “Wait for me in the lobby, okay?” Hoon nodded off and left the couple alone in the room. She stood back for a moment studying Yoongi.

The expression on her face turned wary as he watched her, and Yoongi opened his arm gesturing Seul to come closer. She closed the distance between them as she stepped into his outstretched arms and embraced him. Yoongi held her body firmly to his, leaving feathery kisses on her temple.

She closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest, hearing his calm heartbeat. “I know you don’t want to hear anymore sorrys, but I am sorry Yoongs for everything” she mumbled into the fabric of his shirt. Seul nestled closers as his arms tightened around her in response, as if she were a delicate treasure he didn’t want to let go.

“Let bygones be bygone. I am glad Hoon is fine. I am sorry that Ki Jun drag him along just to get to me” he sighed, his massive hands rubbing her back.

“Ki Jun is horrible. I can’t believe he did that to you. Trying to break you and Namjoon apart. And, took advantage on you. I am sorry that this happen to you Yoong..” momentarily remembering his vivid past, it pained him. A thousand of reflections reached upon his mind, it brought him right back to his past conduct. He remembered his coldness and indifferences. He sighed with disgust.

“It made me stronger. I am who I am right now because of him” he looked down at her feeling grateful to have Bangtan and Seul in his life. Something that he could be proud of after enduring the hardship and difficulties in life.

Seul whispered “I will be by your side, even you don’t want me to” that brought a wide smile on his face.

What did I do to deserve you Ji Seul. Yoongi chuckled and embraced her tighter.

#bts #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts fanfiction #kpop fanfiction #jungkook x oc #yoongi x oc #jungkook fluff #yoongi fluff #bts idolau #min yoongi x oc

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eryiss · 4 years

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Request: The Training Retreat

Summary: With the Grand Magic Games fast approaching, Freed suggested that he, Laxus, Lucy and Natsu train together for a week. In the isolation of a forest, the two couples get closer and unlikely friendships are made as their magic improves. [Fraxus and Nalu Oneshot]

This was based of a request by tumblr user @allnalufraxus, who asked for something with both Fraxus and Nalu. This took a lot longer than it should have, but I'm quite happy with the result. This is also the first time I've properly written Lucy and Natsu, so please forgive any OOC behaviour.

You can read this on FanFiction, Archive of our Own, or under the cut. Hope you enjoy it ^.^

The Training Retreat

If you were to ask Laxus what he expected his week to entail, it wouldn't be this.

He found himself standing at the kitchen of an old cabin in the middle of a forest, chopping carrots beside Lucy Heartfilia of all people. The two weren't exactly the most friendly of members in Fairy Tail with one another and their interactions had mainly been born more of politeness and obligation rather than out of actual fondness to each other. And yet there they were, cooking side by side in relative comfort.

They both looked out at the large window, to a small clearing in the forest. Bost Freed and Natsu were outside, engaged in a fight that seemed heated and vicious. The view was slightly distorted by Freed's runes, but it was clear that they were both giving it their all.

Laxus felt a small swell of pride run through him.

The entire thing had been Freed's idea. The Grand Magic Games were coming up fast, and there had been a rumour that all four of them would be participating. Training was an obvious necessity, and Freed had been the one to propose that the four of them have a short retreat where they would train intensively with one another. He had justified it by saying that being less familiar with each other's fighting style would help them deal with unforeseen foes, as well as bringing them closer which would help them if they were placed on a team together.

Freed had approached Natsu before he had Laxus, and the Fire mage had jumped at the chance. Almost everything had been organised before either Laxus or Lucy knew about it, no doubt so that neither could stop their plans with any objections they may have.

"I had no idea you could cook," Lucy commented as she took a pot of boiling water off the heat.

"Most people don't," Laxus shrugged. "I learned when I was travelling, needed something to do and eating out wasn't an option since I had no money. Got a cook book, started to do some recipes and found out I liked it."

"Well that cottage pie thing you made last night was amazing," Lucy grinned, carefully pouring the chopped vegetables into the pot. "D'you cook often?"

"When I can, I try to," Laxus placed the knife down, stepping back to allow Lucy access to a cutlery draw. "Freed's a pretty good chef as well, so we always eat well. He does most of it on the missions since he knows how to work with an open fire better than I do, so whenever we're at home I'm usually the one making food."

Lucy chuckled, and Laxus quirked an eyebrow at her un confusion.

"Sorry," She smiled. "It's just weird, you know, to think of you two being so domestic. I kinda think of you as actions heroes, funny to think of you scheduling meals."

"Well, if you wanna know a secret, we also do laundry," Laxus said with a small grin, and Lucy laughed. "We sometimes even polish our silverware."

Over the few days that they had been in the cabin, Lucy and Laxus had gravitated towards each other in a small way. There was something of a friendship forming between them, and Laxus found himself happy about it. He was still not comfortable with his new place in the guild – years of antisocial behaviour had left an impact on him – but had found he enjoyed having platonic relationships with people outside of the Raijinshuu.

"And you're one to talk," Laxus continued. "You dating Dragneel. There was a theory going around when he was younger that the only feelings he had were being hungry and being angry."

Again, Lucy laughed. "He's not that bad."

As if to disprove her point, Natsu screamed 'I'll kick your ass' as he charged at Freed with a raised fist.

"That's not helping my point," Lucy said after a moment, and Laxus smirked. "But he's actually a lot more emotionally intelligent than people give him credit for. He can actually be really sweet when he wants to be."

Laxus didn't doubt it, Natsu was definitely an emotional person, so it made sense. Still, it wasn't an easy task to envision the brat being romantic.

"Give me an example," Laxus challenged, slowly adding the chopped mutton to the pot of vegetable.

"Well, okay, a couple of weeks ago!" Lucy said, smiling. "I got home from a pretty bad mission with Erza late in the night, and I was exhausted and starving, and he was in my apartment waiting for me having cooked us both a curry and some rice. Then he ran a bath for me once I'd eaten and let me read to him until we fell asleep. It was a nice night, actually."

It did indeed sound like a nice night, and undoubtedly more thoughtful than Laxus would have expected from the other Dragon Slayer. But still, in some twisted way, he saw the younger man as something of a younger brother. And what is a pseudo-older brother for if not for teasing.

"How did he get into your apartment?" He smirked. "And if it's anything other than breaking in, I'll give you two thousand jewels right now."

Lucy was silent for a moment.

"I said he was more thoughtful than people give him credit for. I didn't say he was a completely different man."

Laxus laughed, placing the stew he was making back onto the heat. He reached up to the crockery cupboard and started to set the table. Lucy had pulled out the remainder of the cutlery and began placing it down beside the plates. It was a small thing, but Laxus was thankful. Even in such an inconsequential action, they were working well as a team. It was a lot better than what Laxus had expected when Freed informed him about their retreat.

Both of them quickly looked from the table and towards the open when a sudden rush of orange spurted up. It was clearly Natsu's fire, and Lucy frowned as she watched as the flames in the area cordoned off by Freed's runes died down.

"I thought they weren't using their magic?" She questioned, watching as Natsu's charged forward with his fists alight. Laxus walked beside Lucy to watch.

As he did, runes plastered themselves over Natsu and he fell to his knees. "It was. They're just fucking idiots, apparently."

The two mages watched their respective lovers through the windows for a little while longer. Natsu managed either to overcome Freed's runes, or just ignore them, and charged at Freed again. Freed used some quick walls of runes to protect himself from the attacks, before slamming the sole of his boot into Natsu's stomach. He piled another rune onto the man's chest, and the dragon slayer was shouting in pain again.

"Freed can be pretty vicious when he wants to be," Lucy commented. "More scrappy than I thought"

"Suppose you've only seen him when he's had time to plan out a fight, huh," Laxus frowned a little. "When he's on a mission and there's impromptu fights, he's always like this. He's just as good without his magic as he is with it."

Lucy looked up to the blonde with a teasing grin. "It's cute how proud you are of him."

Laxus didn't say anything, but his cheeks reddened. "Fuck off."

Lucy laughed again, leaning on the counter to better watch the fight happening between the two men. It was oddly mesmerising to watch; despite his desires to fight almost every member of the guild, Natsu rarely managed to actually have full on fights. Well, he did, but those fights were often in apocalyptic moments, and appreciating his fighting style wasn't an option when that was happening. It was fun to see him go all out on a foe who wasn't an actual danger, and Lucy was going to make the most of it.

Even visually, the fight was beautiful. The combination of Natsu's flickering flames and Freed's shimmering runes was oddly entrancing. Almost hypnotic. But, as they watched the two men get more and more heated, Lucy noticed something.

"Why doesn't Freed use his sword like a… sword?" She asked, frowning.

"He tries not to when he can avoid it," Laxus explained. "It's mainly used to channelling his runes, it makes his casting quicker and spells more detailed. Don't exactly know how, but he seems sure it helps. And if he can fight with his fists, he'd rather do that. Stabbing someone is pretty…"

"Permanent?" Lucy offered, and Laxus nodded.

"He used to use it more liberally but changed after the harvest festival. Something of an atonement I think," Laxus shrugged. "Speaking off, I haven't thanked you for using that spirit to grow out his hair. It was good of ya, after all we did."

"That's no problem," Lucy smiled, almost mischievously. "You like guys with long hair huh?"

Was she teasing him? That wasn't something he had expected to happen. But he could deal with that too.

"Yeah," He agreed. "Gives he something to hold onto when I fuck him."

Lucy's reaction was fucking hilarious. There was a moment of disbelief where she slowly turned towards him, an expression of shock, small amount of horror and a hint of respect on her face. Laxus cocked an eyebrow at her, silently challenging her to bite back, because he had more than enough ammunition to tease her right back. She decided not to say anything.

"It was a nice attempt, but there's something you don't know," Laxus continued, smiling. "I've been a dick longer than you've been breathing."

"No arguing there," Lucy replied, seemingly having recovered. Laxus let her have it. "Should we stop them?"

At Lucy's question, they both looked out of the window. Natsu no longer had any runes on him and had punched Freed with enough force to send him flying into the back of his own runic walls. The resounding thud of Freed hitting his magic, a clearly painful act, made Lucy wince, but Laxus didn't seem bothered by it.

"They can handle themselves," He went back to dressing the table. "You wanna put some salt in the stew?"

Lucy watched as Freed stood up, wearing a determined grin not unlike Natsu's. "Sure."

~~~

When Natsu awoke the next morning, his limbs were tangled up with Lucy's. The cabin had only king-sized beds, but the lovers had somehow managed to curl up against one another in the centre, with their covers thrown to the floor. This always happened when they shared a bed; Natsu was warm naturally and apparently hugging him was like hugging a heater, so Lucy had stated. It apparently made summer unbearable.

The dragon slayer carefully removed himself from his girlfriend, holding a snort when Lucy let out an undignified snore. That was something he would have to bring up later; hopefully in front of Freed and Laxus, just to make it more embarrassing.

He grinned at the thought and left the bed.

After going through his usual routine of stretching, cracking his back and lighting his hands for a quick second, Natsu threw on his clothes from the day prior and left the bedroom. The hallway of the cabin was still dark – which made sense as it must have been about six in the morning – but he managed to make his way to the kitchen without bumping into anything.

He got himself a glass of water and leant on the back of the counter. He had always woken up early, there was probably a reason for it but Natsu didn't care enough to figure it out. He liked the mornings, it was relaxing. People assumed he didn't like the quiet, but he did. Just in moderation.

As he drank the water, he frowned. Every few seconds there was a sound of something being hit. A dull, repetitive sound.

Alarmed, he turned to the window and readied his magic, but calmed when he saw the source of the sounds. It was Freed, standing outside of the cabin with a large axe in his hand, which he slammed down into a chunk of wood. The dragon slayer frowned a little, he hadnt expected anyone else to be awake this early in the morning, let alone doing something so physical. He placed the empty glass on the counter and walked to the kitchen door, not caring for his coat.

"Morning Freed," He greeted, voice chipper but still tainted by sleep. Freed snapped his head around and replied with a polite smile.

"Natsu," He greeted. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"Nah," Natsu assured him, walking to Freed as he raised the axe again. He placed his hands behind his neck, watching as another log was cut. "I always wake up this time, didn't expect to see anyone else. You normally cut wood this early?"

"No. After our fight yesterday I crashed early," Freed confessed, moving the cut logs into a basket. It was half full. "As such, I woke up early and thought that I might as well do something productive. Laxus said that it seemed as though storms would be hitting us soon, so we'll probably want fire wood, so this made sense."

Natsu nodded, sitting on the grass and looking up at the sky. Clouds were forming, so it probably would start raining pretty soon, so getting firewood was a good idea. Not that Natsu was worried about being cold.

"Y'know, I sometimes forget, but you're a badass," Natsu commented with a grin, and Freed glanced towards him. "I guess I always forget because when I wanna fight someone in your team, I default to Laxus, but you're really fucking strong. Haven't had an actual stalemate for a while."

"I'm glad I could be a challenge to you," Freed smiled, bringing the axe down on the wood again. "And I agree, it was nice to spar with someone I'm not familiar with."

"We should do it again some time," Natsu suggested, grinning. "Then I can learn how to kick your ass faster."

"You're implying that you won," Freed looked back at him, posture almost challenging. "The only reason you lasted so long was because I showed mercy. I could have crushed you by increasing the influence of gravity with a literal click of my fingers."

"And I could have burned off your nuts, try fighting after that," Natsu grinned, unaffected by the threat.

"Well, if that's the case we should fight again some time, but with less restrictions than we had before," Freed offered. "Make it a real challenge."

Natsu grinned wide and made a note to remember the offer; he was never going to turn down an opportunity to spar with someone when he didn't need to wear down their will. Honestly, he shouldn't have to bother people that much to train with them. They were in a damn guild; they should want to improve how they fought and increase their magical skills. How was Natsu the only one who saw it like that?

The dragon-slayer leant back on the cold grass, looking up to the still visible stars. He knew some of the constellations now, thanks to Lucy teaching them to him. It was nice to look up at the stars while he could, it made him feel close to his girlfriend, weirdly.

With Lucy in his mind, Natsu clicked his fingers.

"Hey Freed, you like to read right?" He asked, and he heard Freed's movement stop.

"I do," Freed nodded. "Why?"

"Well, I don't know if you know this or not, but Lucy really likes to write. And she's been writing this novel for like, years and she's finished the draft. And she wanted me to read it, so I did and it's really good, and I told her that but she's still putting off sending it to a publisher," Natsu explained, hands moving around as he did.

"That's understandable, it can be a nerve-wracking experience."

"Yeah, I get that, but it is really good. So I was thinking that maybe you could read it," Natsu sat up again, grinning enthusiastically at his idea. "Then you'd see how great it is and you could tell her. She knows you've got good taste and you won't just say it because you have to. Maybe it'll give her a confidence boost."

"I'll certainly offer when we get back to Magnolia," Freed assured him, and Natsu brightened further.

The dragon slayer grinned and leant back against the grass again, letting the wind slowly cool him as the sun started to rise. After all the fighting of the day prior, it was nice to have a moment to calm down and look at the sky. And Freed was a pretty calming presence, when he wasn't making everyone fight each other through the town. Maybe they could be friends; someone who could calm him and nearly beat the shit out of him was something Natsu was always looking for.

Although, despite knowing each other for years, he didn't know much about Freed as an actual person. In the past, he had been standoffish to the point where even Natsu had given up trying to be friends with him. But now he was more open, and this was a good enough time to try and get to know him.

"How did you and Laxus get together?" He asked. Better to dive right in. If Freed didn't want to say, he wouldn't.

"We just sort of… did," Freed replied, looking deep in thought. "We have always been close, and after Laxus returned from his exile, we got closer. One night we kissed, we talked, and the next day we had our first date. And now we're here. How about you and Lucy?"

"I realised I liked her, then I asked her out and she said yes," Natsu shrugged. "Why make it complicated."

"That's an admirable attitude to have," Freed smiled a little. "It turns out Laxus and I had feelings for each other long before we kissed, so perhaps if either of us had that attitude then we would have gotten together quicker."

"Maybe, but I sometimes think I rush into things, y'know," Natsu shrugged. "I charge in, don't think things through. Wanna change that, be a better boyfriend."

"Well, your 'charge in and to hell with the consequences' attitude has saved a lot of people a lot of times," Freed said, placing the axe down and sitting on the log he had been chopping wood on. "And I wouldn't worry about your relationship. You're very open about who you are as a person, and Lucy is a smart woman. She would have known what she was getting into, and I expect she rather likes it."

Natsu tilted his head in thought but smiled. "Thanks Freed. Oh, and Laxus just woke up."

"You can tell?" Freed asked, placing the chopped firewood into the basket.

"Well, heard a thud and then a load of cussing. So either he stubbed his toe and it hurt, or he just moves around in bed and tells side-dressers to fuck off in his sleep," Natsu grinned, jumping up with too much energy for the time of day that it was.

"I wouldn't put it past him," Freed laughed. "But if he is awake, I expect he'll still be tired enough that we can convince him to make us breakfast without him putting up a fuss."

"You're devious, Justine. I like it," Natsu laughed, putting his hands behind his neck again as he walked to the cabin.

"I'm glad," Freed smirked. "Because you'll see just how devious I can be when I pound your ass into the ground next time we fight."

Natsu grinned. "Looking forward to it!"

~~~

"We should do this again some time," Lucy smiled.

The four mages were standing outside of Magnolia train station, having just returned from their training retreat. Natsu was leaning across her shoulders, partly to be closer to her and partly because the motion-sickness still was leaving him queasy. Laxus also seemed affected by the journey, though to a lesser extent. He was refusing to maintain eye contact with anyone and kept wincing when he moved his head too fast.

"We should," Freed smiled, raising his bandaged broken arm. "Though hopefully with better results."

"Sorry about him," Lucy laughed. "He goes all out."

"I knew what I was getting myself into," Freed laughed, smiling good naturedly. "And I like to think I gave as good as I got, even if all his bones remain intact."

"You did," Natsu groaned, looking up to reveal the bruise on his jaw. "You've got a good right hook, anyone ever told you that."

"It has come up, hasn't it Laxus?" Freed smirked, looking to his boyfriend with a glint in his eye.

"Once or twice," Laxus muttered, having been on the receiving end of Freed's punches whenever they sparred together. "But yeah, this was good. Nice to spar with someone I'm not used to. Especially you, Blondie. That whips a pain in the ass, you could beat half the assholes we'll be fighting without your spirits."

"Thanks. I doubt they'd want that, but that's a good compliment coming from you," Lucy smiled, before looking to Freed. "I can bring the manuscript over to the guild tomorrow, if you still want to read it."

"I'd love to," Freed nodded. "From what I've heard, its rather good."

"He's biased," Lucy laughed off the compliment, but Natsu frowned.

"Doesn't mean I'm not right," Natsu shouted, but covered his mouth a moment later as vomit threatened to leave him. He continued to speak through his hands, which muffled his words. "You'll see. It's great."

"Well, you can make up your own mind," Lucy said, pushing Natsu away. "We should get home before he pukes. I don't think Aquarius will appreciate being summoned to clean it off the sidewalk. Again."

"Of course," Freed nodded a little. "I look forward to reading your manuscript, and to doing something like this again if we ever get the time."

"Me too," Lucy smiled. "See you both soon."

"We shall," Freed agreed, and Laxus made a small noise in place of a goodbye.

The two men watched as the younger couple began to walk towards Lucy's apartment, Natsu swaying slightly as he tried to walk without Lucy's assistance. Freed didn't say anything, knowing Laxus was just as bad as the other dragon-slayer was – albeit hiding it better – and would need some time to recover.

After a few moments, they began to walk to their shared house in silence. It was a nice moment, the two of them appreciated silence between each other, and Freed allowed a small smile to grace his features. It had been a nice week, actually.

"So," Laxus said after a while. "You and Natsu have some weird rivalry going now. Didn't expect that to happen."

"Me neither, but he is good to train with," Freed laughed.

"Say that again when he's beating down your door in the middle of the night because he wants to fight," Laxus chuckled, and Freed smiled.

"I'll set up runes to stop me from hearing it," Freed grinned. "And as you find it so funny, I'll make sure the runes don't affect you. Just so you have something to laugh at when you wake up."

Laxus chuckled, wrapping an arm around Freed's shoulders.

"And speaking of things that I didn't expect to happen, you and Lucy have something of a friendship forming," Freed continued, and Laxus shrugged. "It's nice you're starting to make friends with other kids your age."

"Fuck off," Laxus laughed, nudging Freed with a grin.

"And such language. Maybe she's a bad influence," Freed smirked.

"You know that sounding like my grandfather ain't exactly a turn on," Laxus deadpanned.

Freed didn't reply, instead laughed and leaned further into his boyfriend. Laxus grinned, tightened his grip on Freed, and continued to walk with a smile on his face. This had been a good week.

#fraxus #nalu #freed justine #Laxus Dreyar #natsu dragneel #lucy heartifilla #fairy tail #request #fanfic #writing

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jarofrebuke-transcripts · 3 years

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Jar of Rebuke Episode 10 Unofficial Transcript

Season 1 Episode 10: Observations A

INTRO

The following audio recording is classified documentation for Case [audio distortion] with the Enclosure. Unauthorized access to this information will lead to immediate intervention. Progress further if proper clearance has been given.

DARIUS

Hey Jared! Uh… guess I called in at a bad time, huh? I just wanted to give a quick call to chat? Nothing serious, everything’s okay, don’t worry, I just want to check in. We’ve both been really busy the last few days, but I thought I’d see if you wanted to… I don’t know, grab lunch here soon? I know work’s got your schedule pretty full so we can meet up during your lunch break? I know the Waytooth has $1 pie slices around lunchtime, and their strawberry rhubarb pie is to die for. I think you’ll like it. Also, there’s a part of your birthday present I never actually got to give you? I kinda wanted to give it to you when it was just you and me, but we didn’t actually have any time to ourselves on your birthday? It’s nothing big, I could even just, uh, send it to you if you prefer. Anyways, just give me a call when you got the chance. Or text, that’s cool too. We could meet up whenever, as long as my dads know and give them a heads up, it’s fine. Well, besides Saturday. We have some maintenance that’s gotta be done and I already promised to help. So, any day besides Saturday. Um, hope you’re having a good day? Talk to you later.

JARED

I am such an idiot! Does Darius really? Uh, I mean, how long has he? I’m, I’m so dense! I got this voicemail this morning when I was in the shower. I thought about just calling him back but it felt… weird. I was a little concerned and Very confused so, well, I called Jamie for advice. She’s quickly becoming my go-to for, well, things like this. Literally all she did was call me a dense bitch and broke down for me what apparently was obvious and I… well, now I don’t really know what to do. So, Darius likes me. I mean, I guess it kind of makes sense. He did put together a party for my birthday. It was small, cozy really, but he really put a lot of thought into it, which he really didn’t have to. But that’s not necessarily romantic, right? It was on the Chapman farm, and there were all sorts of decorations and things to eat. Everyone that came bought something and it was really nice! Some were homemade dishes, others were things that people brought in from places in town. And it was all delicious. It wasn’t too big, which I was really grateful for. But there were quite a few people that I’ve learned to call friends. Including Holly and some of the folks that I haven’t really seen since the snipe hunt! And Jamie said that he wouldn't have put all of that time into making me a cake if he didn't really… well, it was actually kind of cute. He got all flushed when he presented it because the icing was sort of falling apart and, oh, shit, he likes me.

[Grove walks to Jared] Hey buddy. I don’t really know how I am supposed to feel or how to respond. I haven't really been in this sort of situation, at least not that I can remember. Ugh, gods, what if I'm a bad partner? No one’s bothered to come looking or reach out, or… I have to really think about it. But I don't know what to say to him until I figure it out. I have to get back to him eventually.

Hmm. Anyway, in other news, I brought up the moving shadows I have been seeing to Dr. Daman. Apparently it’s rather common to have stress-induced hallucinations like those, especially with my trouble sleeping recently. She recommended that I try sleep aids, but I’m not really sure on how I feel about that either. There’s nothing wrong with people that need them to sleep, that’s all well and good. But something about chemically forcing me to sleep? I don't know, it just kind of rubs me the wrong way, I don’t... [sounds of Grove pawing at something] Hey, what are you getting into over there? (sighs) Grove has been sniffing around the house a lot lately. He did that when I first took him in, which is to be expected, but he’s just kept sniffing around. It’s like he’s searching for something, I don’t, whatever. Dogs do strange things, that doesn’t exclude hellhounds, I’m sure.

(sighs) Speaking of the whole Darius thing, we actually got to go sledding a few days before my birthday too. It was really nice. It was a lot colder than I expected. I know, I know, that yeah it’s snow, it’s cold, but it’s different when the cold is outside of your clothes than when it gets literally everywhere. But I don't know, it was exhilarating. But in a really good way, not a “running desperately for your life” kind of way. Holly ended up Beaming Darius with a snowball, their aim is brutal. He flew right off the sled and into a snowbank and he came up covered in snow, looking like a snowman. I don’t think I've ever heard him laugh like that before. It was just so refreshing to be able to just live, to just exist with my friends for a little while in a way that distracted me from my own thoughts. Because when I get to thinking too much, I don't like what comes to my head. I think too much, for one thing, about work, about my nightmares, about this upcoming career day that I agreed to. If I do a bad job, which I’m sure I will, I’m going to let Anika down. The thought of that basically gives me hives. All of this stress led to Dr. Daman suggesting that I try medication again. I was hesitant, of course, but she said that if I don’t wanna try sleep aids I could at least try mood stabilizers or something. Last time I tried meds for my mood it did jack diddly squat for me. She suggested that we try a different type of medication and at this point I am willing to try pretty much anything to help with these thoughts and the mood swings. I hate being so unstable, I hate having no real reason to feel sad or anxious and yet that is all I can feel.

So I've started up another medication. They say it will likely take a few weeks to kick in, so we’ll just have to wait and see. And I can’t tell if this is just general anxiety or if I am anxious about the medication itself, too. Not like it can make things much worse right? [knocks] Knock on wood at least. I really gotta stop saying things like that, I know it will just invite things to get worse. Like I still keep catching glimpses of that shadow around my house. Dr. Daman is sure that it’s just stress. Mr. Zimmer doesn’t even think that it’s there. I know it is, I’ve seen it in my peripheral. Sometimes I see it behind me, over my shoulder in the mirror. I never see it for long though, just glimpses. I know it’s there, it’s gotta be, right? Mr. Zimmer says that it’s all in my head, that I’m imagining things. At least Dr. Daman gives a reason as to Why I would be seeing it, but Mr. Zimmer is sure that there’s other things I should be focusing on. Like remembering. We’ve started something called accelerated resolution therapy, or ART. He said it’s typically usually used in treating things like trauma, which he’s pretty sure isn’t my issue, especially since I don't even remember anything, but it is rooted in memory, so we’re trying it out. He basically makes me move my eyes back and forth, walks me through a scene, and I sort of relive it in my head. It’s used to rewire emotional responses, I think? But we’re trying to see if it helps me remember anything. And so far… nothing. Mr. Zimmer is fairly certain that I’m just not trying hard enough, but I’m trying as hard as I can, I just can’t remember anything. I think he got a little huffy with me after our last session didn’t bring up anything too terribly substantial to the surface, which I hated. Both his frustration and the lack of progress. So I did tell him about that sweet smell back at the school that flew me into a panic after smelling it? Smell is the sense most closely linked to memory right, so it’s gotta be something. He seemed curious about it and had me describe the smell. The faintest sweetness, a mild smell. It smells good, almost too good. The word that he used was an ethereal smell, which, sure, I guess. But how ethereal can it be if it causes me to break into a sweat and feel the need to run? He dismissed that question, took some notes, and then carried on to the next topic as if I hadn’t even mentioned anything. Nothing.

I don't even want to bring it up with Dr. Daman at this point. Recently it seemed like she steeled her resolve to help me and has been more active in figuring out what’s going on. But we've been at this for years now. I'm not sure what we could do that we haven't tried before. Unless I'm just not trying hard enough… No. I am trying my hardest to remember, but it just feels like I’m slamming my head against a brick wall more than I’m actually remembering anything. I touched on my nightmares again, but they both just chalked it up to stress with work and fitting in with the community. Which, you know, Dr. Daman used to be so supportive of me going out and mingling with those in town? But now, just so flippant about it. Like she couldn’t care less either way about it anymore. Whatever.

(sighs) I guess I should give Darius a call back here soon. I just have no idea what to say. I don't wanna change what we have, i don't want to lose what we have, but… i don't know. I’m not opposed to the idea of dating I guess? I just… we’re good friends, I really like being around him and everything, but just because I’m a good friend doesn’t mean I will be a good partner. I’m always so busy with work, and I have no clue what it means to be in a romantic relationship. And if we Were to date, what kind of relationship is built on so many lies? Yeah, sure, I try to usually tell at least a half truth or whatever when I can, but it’s still kind of lying. He doesn't even know the real me! Would he like me if he did? All this baggage and whatever else that I’d bring into the relationship? What would he say when he realizes I only have two years of real life experience. That I rebound from death with nothing to show for it other than more scars and some bodily discomfort. He’s asked about my scars before, the little ones on my hands and arms, mostly. But I think I've caught him looking at the ones on my face. I don’t… I don’t like it when people stare at them. And he doesn’t stare, but still. He’s taken notice. He’s asked what happened and I told him, oh, you know, general hazards of life! He chuckled at it, but I don’t think he fully bought it. He still seems concerned from time to time, but I think he just tries to help me keep my mind busy and keep me trying new things when I’m not weighed down by work. He’s… a great guy. A good cook, a great teacher, a great friend. When I’m low energy, he’s always down to just sit with me and not do much. When I want someone to talk to he’s always there to listen, and to chat, as long as he’s not busy with his work or his own classes, which did wrap up last month, so we’ve been spending a bit more time together. I introduced him to Jamie, it was a bit in passing, but they seemed to get along well. I was just showing Jamie more around town after getting lunch, we’d actually been heading back to my car when we bumped into him outside Mrs. Weddington’s Bakery. They were like two peas in a pod pretty quickly. I’m going to try to have us all hang out here soon.

(sighs) But I… I gotta talk with Darius one on one first. Gods, it’s so much easier to interact with the creatures that I study, to be honest. People are just [Grove starts growling] more complicated? At least for me. I don’t- [Grove knocks over something] Hey, hey, woah, what- what’re you getting into? What did you- [Grove snarls] Is that… a camera? When, when did that get there? Shit, are there more? [audio distortion] Uh, no, you know what? No. Screw that. This is my house, I am not gonna have this shit in my own house! [static rises then cuts off]

OUTRO

Jar of Rebuke is created and produced by Casper Oliver, who is also the voice of Dr. Jared Hel. Darius Chapman is voiced by VynVox. The intro is read by Vanessa Rosengrant, and credits are read by Ashley Craft, who has created the podcast official graphics. Episode was edited by Chelsea Finley. Episode was written by Casper Oliver and Jenny O’ Sullivan. Music was created by Luke Menniss, spelled m-e-n-n-i-s-s, who you can find and support on Bandcamp, Spotify and Twitch. If you’ve been enjoying us, please consider leaving a rating, review or comment, wherever you tune in. You can also support us on Patreon or Podhero by following the links in our episode description. And special thanks to our patreon supporters, Tristan, Perry, Devin, Becky, Nico, Danny and Joyce.

#jar of rebuke #jar of rebuke podcast #jor podcast #jar of rebuke transcripts #aaaa it's done it's here thank you for your patience folks!!!

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kellanswritingblog · 4 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Sasha James & Tim Stoker Characters: Sasha James, Not Sasha James, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Martin Blackwood Additional Tags: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Memory Alteration, Queerplatonic Relationships, not!them - Freeform, Aromantic

Summary: Tim and Sasha were in a queerplatonic relationship, and even though Tim can't remember this after the not!them takes her place, he knows that something is off, especially when Sasha talks about how sweet and romantic her new boyfriend is.

“We never dated or anything like that, not in the way most people think. But… we were still together, we were…”

It wasn’t just about the hookups.

Which were great, of course, and happened not infrequently, but Tim’s relationship with Sasha was more than a casual ‘friends with benefits’ situation.

Somewhere in the awkward aftermath of their first hookup, Tim realized that maybe he liked Sasha more than he thought he did, and stuttered his way through asking her on a proper date. She let him down well enough, and it’s not as if he could fault her reasoning.

Sasha was aromantic and had no interest in dating, not in the way most people considered such a partnership. But at the same time, she liked having Tim around, and as long as he wasn’t weird about it, it wasn’t as if they couldn’t go on traditional couple dates and spend copious amounts of time together and plan on getting an flat together once Sasha seriously considered looking for a job outside of the Archives so that they had no excuse not to continue their own type of relationship when distance got the better of them.

It was agreed early on that if Tim wanted to date or shag other people, he was more than welcome to, on one condition: he didn’t forget that Sasha was there first.

But as Sasha walked toward him, Tim remembered none of this. He remembered crushing on her, hard, and that time they hooked up one late night in the Archives, but nothing more. They were friends and coworkers, and that was it.

However, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

“Any plans for the weekend?” Sasha asked, leaning against Tim’s desk with a cheery smile on her face.

“Oh, not really. Might go out with some friends for a drink or two. Or three. What about you?”

“I’m meeting my boyfriend.”

I didn’t know you were seeing anyone. Tell me all about him.” Tim leaned forward and rested his head on his hands while smiling jokingly. “I need to know if I have to kill him.”

“Tim,” Sasha groaned, still smiling, and rolled her eyes. “His name is Tom and he’s lovely.”

“How long have you been dating?” He asked in a leading manner, his voice lilting as he poked and prodded. “Come on, come on, spill it.”

“Not too terrible long. We’re still in the getting to know each other stage. Here, look.” Sasha pulled out her phone and flipped through some photos of her and Tom. They looked happy together, even if the pictures seemed moderately forced. Some people just didn’t photograph well.

“You look real cute together,” Tim admitted, and Sasha beamed.

“He’s so sweet, and super romantic too.” After a short pause, she changed the subject. “Alright, I really do have to get these reports to Jon, so I’ll see you on Monday?”

“Yeah, sounds good. Have a good weekend! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“There’s not a lot on that list,” Sasha joked, and Tim laughed.

“All the same.”

“Fair enough.”

As Sasha walked away and Tim thought over the conversation, wondering when he would get to meet Tom and threaten that if he ever hurt Sasha, the usual. But then the last few words stuck in his head.

He’s so romantic.

There was a quick flash of a bouquet of flowers and the telltale roll of Sasha’s eyes, despite a firmness in her expression.

And then, as quickly as the moment appeared in Tim’s mind, it was gone again, but it left him with a weird, heavy weight in his gut.

“You okay?”

Tim broke from his reverie and looked up at Martin as he stepped into the room, concern on his features.

“Uh, yeah. Just… not quite déjà vu, but something like that.”

“Need some tea?” He offered. “I was just about to make myself a cup.”

With a heavy sigh, Tim replied, “Yeah, I think I’ll take you up on that.”

A week or two later, Tim found himself beside from Sasha with nothing but mindless paperwork sorting to do. Jon hadn’t assigned them any follow-ups and Elias was busy in a meeting, so there was nothing to fill the time but filing.

Ever since Sasha had told Tim about her relationship with her boyfriend, Tom, something had made him uneasy about it all, but he couldn’t quite place it.

It didn’t seem like jealousy. It felt closer to dread.

Jealousy would’ve been easier to handle. Who wouldn’t be jealous of someone dating Sasha? She was clever and funny and incredible in every way – but still that heaviness welled up in his chest every time she was around.

“So… how are things going between you and the boyfriend?” He asked, trying to push down the weight inside of him. Despite it all, he really did want Sasha to be happy.

“Oh! They’re great! Really, really good,” she replied, even though she didn’t look up from her stapling. “He always brings me flowers; my flat is practically overflowing.”

Another flash of a bouquet coursed through Tim’s mind. He couldn’t remember why, but he knew Sasha didn’t like receiving flowers, not from someone close to her; there was an expectation attached to them, and it made her face scrunch up…

“I didn’t think you liked flowers,” he pondered aloud, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Of course, I like flowers!” Sasha insisted. “What girl doesn’t like receiving flowers from her boyfriend?”

At that, Tim turned to Sasha.

“What’s going on?” She asked.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “But this whole thing with Tom… it just feels weird. Wrong, kind of.”

Sasha set her stapler down, hard. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s just, it doesn’t seem like you. And you tell me everything, yet you’ve never mentioned this guy until recently? It just… something doesn’t sit right.”

“You know, Tim, here’s the thing: I don’t tell you everything. I don’t have to. It’s not like we’re together, I don’t owe you any explanation for my actions.”

With ire in her eyes, Sasha pushed past Tim and left the room, slamming the door behind her. Tim couldn’t help but reach out as she stepped by, but he didn’t go after her.

She was right, after all – they weren’t together, were they? Maybe... but no. They were just colleagues, work friends, and work friends hardly counted as real friends.

Wandering back to his desk, Tim tried to formulate an apology in his mind, but it all felt insincere. That anxiety in his chest just wouldn’t go away, and it felt wrong to say sorry for something that still worried him.

Instead, he decided to aggressively sort the paperwork on his desk. There were a lot of apartment listings, and he couldn’t remember why. He liked his house and had no desire to move. There must have been a reason, maybe someone he wanted to move for?

But when he still couldn’t remember, he tossed them in the recycle bin, and got back to work.

What was that thing? It had looked like Sasha, but it was… wrong. It was all stretched out and the features were distorted.

And now, Tim didn’t even know where he was, and Martin was nowhere to be seen. And so, with a strange, twisted, melodious laughter echoing down the corridor, Tim decided to keep moving. Martin had to be close by.

Instead, Tim rounded a corner and saw the thing that once took the shape of Sasha James, distended, turn and look at him.

“What are you?” Tim asked breathlessly, trying to wrap his head around it all.

Right before his eyes, the creature shrunk and pulled itself together, taking the face it had so recently worn, even if the features still weren’t quite right.

“Oh, Tim? It’s just me, Sasha. What’s going on?”

But it wasn’t Sasha.

Tim charged forward, ready to bash his fists against this imposter, ready to release the weight in his chest that had been there for so long now.

“You are not her!”

But before he could get too close, the being hit him with a backhand that stretched out far from its body and sent him cascading backwards. Tim skidded along the floor and bashed his head against the wall.

For a brief moment, there was another flash of a bouquet, and a face that looked nothing like the one before him.

That face in his memory… that was Sasha. Not this thing.

Tim stood up and let the fury inside of him run free. He raced toward the creature again, and got up every time it sent him flying away. His body ached, but he wouldn’t stop.

“Give her back!” He screamed from where he lay on the floor, blood trickling down the back of his skull. “Where is she? Where is Sasha? Tell me!”

The being laughed, that off-putting cackle that sent shivers up Tim’s spine.

“Sasha is gone. She’s dead.” As if it could see the despair in Tim’s soul, it added, “It hurt a lot too. I’m sure you could’ve helped her. After all, she saved you, and then you weren’t there for her. What a shame, really.”

The sadness and grief threatened to consume Tim for a moment, but he channeled them into one last attack, one last chance to show this monster that it would pay for what it had done.

In a flash, the thing that was once Sasha was gone, and Tim thudded into the wall before him. The musical laughter faded away into the distance.

With his strength gone, Tim slumped to his knees and the tears came pouring out. Sasha was gone, and had been for ages, yet he hadn’t even noticed. How could he not have noticed? How could he have forgotten her?

“Tim? Tim, what happened?”

Martin knelt next to Tim and put a hand around his shoulders.

“Are you okay? You’re bleeding.”

“I found the thing. The stretched out thing that pretended to be Sasha.”

“Did you… get it? Is it still out there?”

“It got away.”

“Let me try and stop the bleeding.”

Tim batted Martin’s hand away before he could even get close to the gash in the back of Tim’s head.

“I’m fine. We have to keep going. Come on.”

Tim stood and started to walk down the hallway. With a sigh, Martin trotted after him.

First Danny, and now Sasha, lost to those monsters who pretended to be people.

Fists clenched and jaw set, Tim swore that they wouldn’t take anyone else from him. And he would make them pay, if it was the last thing he ever did.

#the magnus archives #tma #Tim Stoker #Sasha James #tma spoilers #I am having so many Sasha feelings guys #I'm sure this sort of thing has already been written but here we are

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theflashdriver · 6 years

Text

Reunited

It is said that time will heal all wounds, that a thread of fate will slowly stitch the broken pieces back together to make something stronger and new. Time doesn’t normally work like this, she’s a far crueller mistress; more often she withers and ages, decays rather than heals. What would once be a bump of regret can smooth out, or it can grow into a mountain thousands of times more treacherous than it had once been. Time may have healed the wound, but through healing, other distortions were worsened.

Silver had never truly understood time travel; it’d always just been something he’d used. Chaos emeralds, phantom portals or even machines left by those of prior generations; just things that let him travel from one space, or rather time, into another in order to help out with issues of the time. Finding such objects was always difficult in a flaming, devastated, world but with a further understanding of chaos control had come a greater understanding of travel and aptitude for it. Granted… things weren’t perfect, Silver was perhaps a little too confident in his own capabilities, and so he’d often end up arriving much earlier or later than he was required; hanging around for Birthday parties or allowing Eggman to take over a little more land than he was comfortable with before arriving. Still, it was this very overconfidence that would reopen one of the aforementioned wounds time had thought long sealed.

It had started with what Silver had thought a chaos emerald, given the energy the stone gave off and the fact that it was well… undeniably a giant hunk of coloured crystal; grey to be precise. Taking it in his hands it felt a little heavier and there was certainly something off about it when compared to the crystals he had handled prior, passing it from one hand to another as he hovered over the lava covered wasteland; part singing and part humming one of the many songs he’d heard back in Sonic’s time… only half remembering the words. It had something to do with romance getting old, some old invention from that time Silver couldn’t recall the name of, but it kept him chipper in this lonely environment… well… almost. His brow furrowed as he reached a point in the song he had no chance of recalling, tried to think back to prior lines in order to regain his bearings, but now the words were completely gone.

Alone in a flame-filled world, a song stuck in your head that you can’t even remember. “Well,” Silver looked to the gleaming crystal in his hand, “I suppose a quick jump wouldn’t do too much harm, listen to it a couple more times just to get it out of my head.” He held the grey crystal aloft, body wrapped in his psychokinetic energy, focused on a time he’d like to be in and gave the command; “Chaos control!” The crystal began to pulse and gleam, radiating brightness.

Yet Silver remained exactly where he had been, now much brighter crystal in hand. He cringed a little; glad this hadn’t happened when he left Sonic’s time last. He lowered himself onto the roof a decrepit apartment complex, slightly off angle, closed his eyes again and made the command; “Chaos… Control!”

He could feel the crystal grow warm in his palm; the brightness was almost beginning to tend a strange orange, yet Silver remained stood where he had been. His brow furrowed, he looked to the bizarre crystal, his pride wounded by its refusal… now he was super glad this hadn’t happened in Sonic’s time; he was making mistakes even he hadn’t seen. He figured he’d give it one more go, focusing on a time, raising the crystal aloft, but before he could even say the Chaos a great hole opened before him; edged in flame and shaking uncontrollably, growing smaller and larger and rippling like water. Unable to see through to the other side, only darkness visible, he was about to back away when some great force pulled him in. He was falling forward, through the portal and out the other side.

Silver held his breath and dared not open his eyes, he could feel himself falling but had no clue whether it be through space or otherwise; cold wind lashing at him as he tumbled downward. He dared to open his eyes just as he plunged into the raging sea, swallowed in the wake of a giant wave; unable to create an air bubble for himself before passing out, crystal in hand.

Blaze had been awoken by a disturbance in the Sol Emeralds; the eight crystals were under lock and key, embedded in the wall of her bedchamber for the optimum protection. Rising from her bed, throwing back the covers, she approached the display, her large ears twitching at the peculiar sound. As she approached she was able to identify the cause, it was not that all the crystals were sounding but only the central one; teal in colouration. She brought her hand to it, attempting to push it deeper into its slot only to find it pushed back as though some magnet were pulling it in. Deeply puzzled but more so concerned she donned her regular attire, taking the keys and unlocking the teal sol emerald; grasping it before it could fly to the opposing wall.

She set off without hesitation, more than prepared for a fight as she vaulted and dashed her way through the city. She quickly discerned that the crystal was pulling her toward the north beach, the beach closest to the Castle, though she was unsure whether it wished her to take it to another island. Regardless she was sure Marine would aid her if it was truly required, this was serious business after all and the Racoon had an ever-present thirst for adventure.

Arriving at the beach she felt the tug of the emerald weaken, suggesting to her that she’d drawn close to its goal. She halted, setting her hands alight to aid in her scanning of the beach… she quickly noticed something by the water’s edge gleaming back. She initially advanced with caution, there was a mass next to the crystal that she struggled to identify; “Show yourself, rise! You are in the presence of the princess.” But noting the lack of response and upon closer inspection, the position of the body, face down in the sand, she approached far faster; aware of the other reality’s chaos emeralds she anticipated some mishap may have happened. Arriving at the body she gently turned it over, immediately recognising the figure in the firelight.

They had met perhaps a handful of times, once at an amusement park and secondly at one of Sonic’s birthdays, made idle chatter well… as well as Blaze made idle chatter, he’d mostly taken the lead. Regardless, outside her initial surprise to see him, she didn’t hesitate; pocketing the teal sol emerald she was set a flame around herself in an attempt to maintain light and begun an attempt to resuscitate the hedgehog. Pushing down on his chest she realised that under the fur he was much thinner than she’d anticipated, bordering on unhealthily, having pushed on his chest enough she felt over his mouth… no breath. She’d have to continue.

Prying open his jaw, giving it a cursory glance to be sure there were no signs of poison or potential for infection, she heaved a breath and administered the kiss of life; pushing air back into his lungs through mouth to mouth. Though there was some redness on her cheeks, it was a stretch more gross than romantic. He was cold and very wet, not to mention on death’s door.

There came a splutter from beneath her as she pulled back, eyelids opened but refused to focus upon her. A faint blue began to light the surrounding area, radiating out from Silver’s gloves as he regained consciousness. Immediately he attempted to sit up but Blaze placed a heavy hand atop his chest fur, her brows lowered, as she looked him in the eye. “It’s in your best interests to remain still and regain your breath, you’re lucky the emerald called out to you otherwise you could be dead. Take rest for now, try not to hurt yourself.”

Blaze kept her eyes glued to Silver, she kept her ears pointed and a hand on his chest. She did all this in an attempt to appear commanding, as it was for his own good… yet while she would have done this for any of her citizens, passed out on the beach, there was something nagging at her. More than it usually did around this Silver, a hedgehog from the future; a fact the kept creeping into her mind. Her hand was lingering on his chest in an attempt to dominate the situation, and yet… rather than pressing hard if felt relaxed atop his chest fur. Far more soothing than she intended it to be, it wasn’t as though she was still trying to care for him. Snatching her hand away she reached down, collecting the emerald that lay next to him.

Silver’s head was still spinning, the world around him was pitch black sans the glowing exception before him; a purple cat he had met once or twice but had always seemed familiar. He knew her name was Blaze, that had stuck in his head and refused to leave, but… was she a princess? He was quite certain he’d heard that she was a princess, but that always seemed to slip his mind, unlike the fact that she was from another dimension than he and Sonic’s own. He guessed she just didn’t look like a princess to him, despite her apparently being one. Her hand had just been on his chest, had she kissed him? Was… could princesses bring people back form the dead by kissing them? He had so many questions, most importantly whether he was in another dimension… but currently he was much too full of seawater to even try and ask them. He felt himself about to fall back again, not only backward but back into unconsciousness, only to feel a hand on his back; propping him up straight.

“Just keep breathing, I’ve got some questions for you so I’d rather you didn’t die please.” Blaze was rubbing circles on his back, being so close to another person (let alone this person in particular he already felt a weird connection with) was certainly keeping him conscious.

With a splutter and a cough he responded; “I’d rather not die to, so hey we can work together on this one. Then again you can just kiss me and bring me back right?”

He felt a heat on his back, the rubbing paused momentarily, “It was simply CPR, and I hope you did not get the wrong idea but yes, by blowing air back into someone’s mouth you can sometimes bring back the unconscious. It’s not a good kind of kiss so please, lets avoid it if we can, it’d be naïve of you to seek out such kisses. If you feel up to it I do have some questions for you.”

There was another splutter from Silver but he nodded the go ahead, giving her a thumbs up. His fur was starting to dry from the heat that surrounded her, he thought he’d be more scared of fire being from a burning future but her flames were almost comforting.

“First of all, why did you come here?”

“I didn’t really mean to, I was trying to get back to the past… there’s this song I had stuck in my head that I forgot so I thought I’d just go back there to remember it and well… something went wrong, please don’t tell the others. They seem to think I have a handle on things.” Silver was now almost completely returned to his senses; he could see Blaze clearly in the firelight; shooting a glance to the sky above and the hanging stars. “Sure is pretty out here though, is the sky always like this? It’s so… well it’s a lot of space.”

That was certainly one way to put it. The island kingdom was dark at night, with low levels of light pollution, and so the sky above was awash in spirals and simmering orbs. A crescent moon hung above them, consolations Silver didn’t even know of forming in his mind like connect the dots puzzles.

“You’re… very naïve you know that? You’ve just drowned, apparently been flung into a world parallel to your own, and yet immediately you’re looking to the stars?” Blaze frowned, her hand moving from his back to supporting him via shoulder.

“Well I mean… look at it; it’s beautiful.” Silver smiled clambering to his feet, he felt the half tug of Blaze try to keep him down but (despite the very slight change in distance) it was as though he wanted to get a better look. He extended a hand to help her up, almost subconsciously, still looking up to it. “It’s the kind of sky I like to look upon.”

There was a pause but Blaze did eventually take his hand, pulling herself to her feet. “I do suppose it is quite a nice skyline, but I have looked upon it all my life. I suppose that luxury isn’t afforded in the future?”

“It’s uhh… cloudier.”

“I see…” Silver was pulled from his star watching by a rustling coming from Blaze, the emerald he had used to travel here in one hand she reached into her pocket and produced another holding them before her body. “When you-

There was a sudden shift in Blaze stance, as though the emeralds themselves had forced it, her hands went from being held palm up to palm down; her wrists crossed. Fire began to radiate from the two emeralds, looping in a figure eight around her hands; a look of fright crossed her face, ears flattened, she tried to pull away and tried to shift but it was as though her hands were locked in place; stuck atop the emeralds as they hovered in the air. Without hesitation Silver lunged forward, psychokinetic energy glowing around the pair he attempted to force a shift but regardless of his attempts the hands refused to budge. He tried to pull back, prepared to use a blast of psychokinetic energy, only to find his hands were now stuck atop hers. The fire now raged around them, the sand beneath turning to glass, they looked into each other’s eyes.

From each of them, coloured in bright gold, a projection of some kind emerged, a version of themselves similar to themselves… but not quite the same. From Blaze came a Silver, from Silver came a Blaze. They passed over the Sol emeralds between them and into their respective counterparts and immediately the flames were snuffed, a detonation from the emeralds freeing them and throwing them backwards.

There was a beat of silence as the two recovered from the shock, physical, mental… and eventually emotional.

Blaze was first to rise; Silver still quite waterlogged slowly pulled himself up, tears in his eyes and a wide smile beneath. His face was raw, It was a look with meaning behind it, but in practice, his face was very red and it was a struggle to stay on his feet. Blaze saw to it that this was a struggle he’d lose; sweeping him off them. Being around the same height this was quite the feat, Silver ending up raised by his legs with his back supported; a mix of his own tears coating his chest fur… and quite a lot of hers.

“It feels like its been so long… it feels like I’ve been missing a part of me without knowing.” She was trying to hold back her emotions, but there were cracks Silver now knew far too well. The shaking, the lip biting, the way the flames that surrounded her seemed to be blowing in a gale; flickering back and forth.

He threw his arms around her, and much less eloquently shouted; “IT’S BEEN TOO LONG I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!” Before bawling his eyes out into her, “I WAS ALONE AND TH-THE FUTURE’S STILL RUINED AND-AND-

He broke down into a sobbing mess, slowly but surely overcoming the drowning spell, Blaze to dropping to her knees as they settled into a hugging position. “I-It’s alright Silver, you can come with me now. W-We can be together again, I’ve got so much to show you. Th-There’s so much we can do.” But a thought lingered in her mind, the emeralds in her hands… one had been grey and yet the grey sol emerald remained on her wall. “It seems like we’ll have work to do… but we don’t have to do it alone this time. I’m not leaving again, I promise.”

And with that the two truly broke down, clinging to each other lest the world pull them apart again.

#silvaze #silvazeweek #silver the hedgehog #blaze the cat #sonic the hedgehog

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poisonous-whispers · 6 years

Text

Worthy (Bad End)

HELLO AND WELCOME THIS IS JUST A PIECE OF HELL Y’ALL

Prompt: „Virgil, what is the biggest difference between you and the others? “ „They are worthy of being loved

Warnings: torture mental and physical, blood and gore, loosing limbs, graphic description of violence, fire, angst

Fandom & Ships: Thomas Sanders, platonic or romantic LAMP

Virgil sat there casually on his bed, listening to some music, thinking about everything he shouldn’t (as always). He still doesn’t remember how it happened.

What he can remember is that his vision went away- then he’s sitting in that weird place full of flowers and space-themed statues. The couch he sat on was immensely soft and in a nice peach color he quite enjoyed – Virgil wouldn’t admit it even if his life depended on it.

Virgil never felt out of place like then.

(Well, that was a lie and he knew it- Christmas and Halloween and every other festive day, every single day was hell. But that’s okay, he can deal with that, as long as the others where happy)

Plants in all colors and variations where in there, from Tulips to Poison Ivy, even Corps Flowers and Jade Vines where here for Christs‘ sake! He was a black void in Garden Eden, so wrong in the midst of staggering beauty, tainting everything with his mere presence.

A cough interrupted his thoughts. Turning his head around, the first thing he saw was white- blindingly bright.

Sitting in front of him on another couch was a- a being. Virgil really couldn‘t describe it differently, because it was neither a human nor anything he has ever seen. Yes, it had human features; a nose and mouth, head with white hair softly flowing (it was fucking moving) down its body and delicate hands and feet

But that was where the resemblance ended. Their skin tone was translucent, letting him see that they had no organs nor bones, just shimmering flesh- if it even was that.

And god, the eyes.

Virgil can still remember them so clearly, theses voids staring through him, ripping his soul into shreds, searching but never finding.

„Hello, Virgil“- their mouth hasn’t moved, not even a bit. Whipping his head around trying to figure out where the voice came from Virgil tensed, fight or flight kicking in. If he jumped over the couch maybe he could-

„You don’t have to be afraid. Well, not now, at least. “

Not now?

„I can assume that you don’t know why you are here, am I right? “, it said, cocking their head to the side like a curious cat.

Virgil only stared, looking at them with all his guards up, hands emitting black tendrils of smoke.

It sighs, standing up and walking -no, floating- towards the Side. Virgil went rigid, then jumped and made a run for it

He had no chance.

In an instant, white ropes curled around him, cutting into flesh, taking all of his energy. Virgil was sitting there, completely defenseless.

And it terrified him.

Tutting softly, the being sat on his lap softly tracing over his face with razor sharp claws. „You are so lonely and hurt, yet still so pretty to look at. Well, people do say that broken glass shines and glitters the most, isn’t that right sweet Virgil? “

Their appearance had changed completely. Long, dirty claws replaced fingers, body rotting away and oozing out grey slime

He couldn’t answer, even if he wanted to. He couldn‘t move, not even his eyes, frozen and horror-struck. What is happening?

It laughed silently. Full on, body-shaking laugh, pulling at his hair. „Just preventing you from flying away, little birdy. “

What do you want from me? Who are you? What-

The thing swiftly ripped out the hair it had pulled at, successfully silencing Virgil’s thoughts, making him scream and cry, trapped in his mind

„I want to play, of course! I am so old and bored and you are so wonderfully dark on the contrary to me“, it whispered, drawing closer to his face with each word, piercing his skin with its nails, „and you look like a wonderful plaything. “

He would throw up if he could. Every cell in his body is being controlled and he is so fucking terrified-

„Do you love them? “

Silence. There was nothing but silence and fearpainfearpainfearpainfearpain-

„Do you love your brothers? “, it whispered in his ear, licking over it, making him shiver

He did. It doesn’t matter what they said to him, did to him. He still loved them, because that’s what he does. He bleeds for them, suffers for them. He may be Anxiety and Virgil to them but he is fight or flight, too, always protecting

And he will always fight for them.

The thing stood up, shaking its head in bewilderment, facing away from him.

„You really do. And you would also give up everything for them! “It turned around, digging its nails into Virgil’s arms, ripping flesh open

„But I can tell you one thing“, it whispered against his lips, clutching his jaw, cutting into the muscle, „they will never love or accept you, my sweet little birdy. “

Virgil knew that. He knew that, but why did it still hurt more than the wounds on his body?

„They insult you, hurt you, tear you apart and they know it. They find it funny, don’t you know? “, hand where sliding up and down his chest, ripping it open, severing clothing and skin like butter and he was s c r e a m i n g because that isn’t true and please stopstopstopstop-

“They know how you feel and they simply don’t care. They shoot where they know it hurts and watch you bleeding out, finding amusement in your devotion, in your hope”, it spat, gripping his throat and squeezed, eyes turned black and unnaturally wide open, void of every kindness he had previously seen, and hair falling around them like a curtain.

“Logic, Creativity, Morality. Brain, Ego, Heart. They despise you.” It was growling now, strangling Virgil, radiating pure, wild energy, suppressing his last sparks of fight, his hope.

And then it gripped his arm, looking at it and then into Virgil’s eyes “You don’t need this, do you?” it asked, pulling a lighter out of thin air “Because I really want to see you beg for your life”

That was the only warning he got before it held the arm up, holding his hand into the flame, starting at his pinky

It was agony. His skin was throwing bubbles, cracking open. Virgil couldn’t move and he wanted to runrunrunrunrun- escape from that place that was melting around him, plants and walls dissolving into black sludge, slowly making its way onto the floor

It was laughing, slowly going from finger to finger, scorching his flesh, even going as far as destroying his sinew “Oh sweet little birdy, I forgot the best part!”, it giggled, giving Virgil a little bit of control back

And god, he used it. Virgil was screaming, struggling in between tight ropes, blood oozing out of the dozen wounds scattered across his body

Materializing a knife, the being was drawling poisonous words into his ear, telling him what the others were thinking of him, what they did when he wasn’t there

“They play with you, build you up just to tear you down and you let them.” Jabbing the knife into Virgil’s leg, it grinned “So let me finish what they started, won’t you? It doesn’t matter anymore, you are so shattered that you won’t feel a thing”

That was a lie. Virgil was wailing like a wounded animal, voice turning deep and multiplying, he was so afraid and there was so much painpainpainpain-

“Patton is supposed to be the Heart I remember. But where,” it asked, painting his body red, opening skin, “is that kindness? Where was he when you needed him?”

“And Roman, isn’t he supposed to be the creative one? He was never meant to use that gift for cruelty, for swords and insults and blood” Virgil could see his bones, white shining through pink and dark red fluids, tainting the floor

“Logan, oh Logan. It hurts the most with him, doesn’t it?” It had stopped cutting, instead going for his fingernails. Nonononono- it yanked “Because he is always right, isn’t he? And you are just wrong, useless Anxiety.”

Virgil couldn’t give up. That wasn’t his job, his purpose. But he could lose hope.

He has never felt so powerless like in this moment. The being, a demon risen from his own personal hell, breaking his bones so that he could see them standing out between his torn muscles, ripping out finger after finger

He never wanted death as much as in these second where the black sludge touched him, as it burned away his skin, as it ate away his flesh

“I’m curious, Virgil. You love them still, even after all they did “, the being asked, letting go of him, “All four of you are villains, but tell me birdy, what is the biggest difference between you and the others? What makes you so unlovable?”

The black mass left his body, leaving behind a body broken beyond repair. His head was missing more than half of his hair, jaw broken and blackening rapidly. His arms and legs where broken, bones sticking out of places they shouldn’t, his chest had cuts scattered everywhere, rips shining through. Hands and feet both had no nails anymore, fingers missing

He still answered

„They a-are worthy o-of being lo-loved“, he whispered, voice distorted, coughing up blood.

“What? Say that again, I didn’t quite hear you”, it mocked, watching as Virgil tried to curl into himself, hoping to find a position not bringing him pain

“The biggest difference i-is that they are wo-worthy of being lo-loved”, he repeated, staring into nothing, “They may have treated me badly, but that isn’t their fault. Who wouldn’t hate me?”

Virgil laughed bitterly, lips red “They are always so ha-happy until I come in and ruin everything, o-over and over again. They have e-every right to react the way they d-do.” Tears had made their way out of his eyes by now, wetting his face, mixing with his blood

“And even if it hurts, I forgive them. Because I-I love them. I will bleed and grieve but I will always care for them.”

“Sad. It won’t matter anymore, though”, the demon spoke, letting its fingers wander around Virgil’s chest

Then it pushed. It pushed through his ribs while he was screaming in agony, gripping his heart and pulling it out, leaving behind his open chest

Virgil could have sworn he saw his brothers before he took his last breath

They weren’t worried, at first. Virgil sometimes retreats into his room, sometimes for hours

But he has been gone for days now, and they were panicking. They had kicked open his room long ago, finding nothing expect his phone and headphones, still playing music

Logan tried to find solution to Virgil’s disappearance, but failed miserably. Roman searched all of his Kingdom, sending every man and woman to find the dark persona, but never found something. And Patton? Well, Patton was crying non-stop, feeling anxiety and panic rise in his body. It was so wrong, because he knew that that should never happen.

They were in the main room, when they heard it. Hushed giggling came from Virgil’s room, quickly turning into full blown laughter before disappearing. After sharing a shocked glance, all three started running.

Logan was the first who stopped, was the first to see. Bloody trails lead to the cracked door, finally halting Roman and Patton

“Wh-what is happening Logan” Roman finally whispered, not being able to tear away his gaze from the fresh blood on the floor

“I have no idea, Roman. We have no other choice but to look for answers” Logan answered, swallowing the sense of dread that rose in him

Surprisingly, Patton was the first to make a step, opening the door to his brother’s room. The first thing that he noticed was the smell- the air was heavy with the scent of blood and rotting flesh. He stepped inside-

And screamed. Automatically, Roman and Logan lunged forward to steady the wobbling Side, only to fall to their knees.

There, hanging from the ceiling in white ropes, was Virgil. Or better what was left of him. He was missing an arm, which they later found on the ground next to the bed. An eye was hanging out of its socket, his jaw ripped out, letting his tongue hang freely. His chest was open, missing lungs and his heart, ribs sticking out.

On the wall behind Virgil stood one final sentence, written in neat cursive, shining red

“He still loved you”

#poisonous whispers #thomas sanders #sanders sides

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dirtycreekwater · 6 years

Text

Description: “You didn’t really think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?” - Virgil usually spends Christmas alone. This year Logan is putting an end to that tradition. - human au.

Genre: fluffy angst

Word count: 1,416

Ship: platonic (but can be read as pre romantic) analogical (& maybe implied royality)

——

Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year. So they say. To Virgil it is certainly not wonderful. It’s not even decent. It’s a grim reminder of his loneliness. He does have family, but he could never spend the holiday with them. The mere idea was absurd to him. They were judgmental, and too cliché for his taste.

So, every year he’s lived on his own he’s spent his holidays alone. Until one year, after having some suspicions, one of his friends finally asks what he does for Christmas.

Logan 1:26pm

Virgil, I hope you do not mind me asking, but I was rather curious about what you do for Christmas? You live on your own, and you never talk about your family. Nor do you ever join me, Roman, and Patton.

Virgil’s breath hitched as he read the notification that lit up his lock screen. He thought for a while about how he would respond before finally unlocking it, and typing out his message.

Virgil 1:40pm

uhh hey Lo. i really don’t like talking about this but i trust you so whatever. i usually just get hot chocolate from the cafe and walk around looking at the christmas lights by myself. i know that sounds really dumb but it’s kinda fun

As soon as Virgil hit send his anxiety skyrocketed. He started tapping his fingers on his screen as he waited for a reply. Said reply came only moments later, but to him it felt like an eternity.

Logan 1:41pm

Oh. Why? Do you choose to spend your holidays like this? Surely it would be more enjoyable in the company of other people.

Virgil sighed as he read the message. Of course Logan wouldn’t understand.

Virgil 1:43pm

my family and i don’t really get along.. but it’s whatever. i’ve always been better off on my own. everyone’s been better off with me on my own. it’s just how it is

At this point Virgil wanted to be completely done with the conversation, but Logan was a good friend. He’d wait to properly end it. No matter how much anxiety was starting to bubble up inside him.

Logan 1:45pm

Virgil, that’s not true. You are wonderful company, and no one deserves to be alone. Especially during the holidays. Would you like to spend Christmas with us this year? I know you usually decline that offer, but we would really like to have you with us. We’ve always wanted you with us.

Okay, yeah. Definitely time to end the conversation here.

Virgil 1:45pm

thanks Lo but trust me it’s best that i continue my tradition of being alone

Logan 1:46pm

Alright, I won’t push it. Just know that if you change your mind we’re here for you.

Virgil 1:47pm

yeah.. thanks Lo. im gonna go now. i’ll talk to you later i guess

Logan 1:47pm

Goodbye, Virgil.

Relief, and disappointment are usually two emotions that do not go together yet somehow Virgil is feeling both at the same time now. He doesn’t want his friends pity, or charity, but maybe if Logan had pushed just a bit more.. Well, maybe he would have accepted his offer. Or at least felt like his friend actually cared, and wasn’t just asking to make himself seem like a good person. Maybe just maybe things would finally start to feel okay. But no. No more false hope. Just carry on like normal. Keep expectations low, and self pity high. That’s all Virgil could do.

——

The next morning Virgil was awakened by his alarm going off. He groaned as he shut it off, and checked the date on his phone. December 25th. Right. Christmas. Time to start his yearly routine. Get dressed-in a stupid Christmas sweater paired with his usual black skinny jeans-for the day, tidy up around the house, feed the cat, eat breakfast, watch Christmas movies, eat dinner, watch more Christmas movies, and then finally when the sun starts to set, go outside, get some hot chocolate, and look at the beautiful Christmas lights around the neighborhood.

But before Virgil could even walk into the cafe to get his hot chocolate he was stopped by someone. He looked up to see that it was his friend Logan.

“Uhh h-hey.. hey Lo..” Virgil stuttered, “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Roman, and Patton?”

“You didn’t really think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?” Logan asked with a smirk.

“Yeah, I did actually. Because that’s how it’s been every year. Why do you suddenly care now?” Virgil asked as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, and glared down at the fresh snow on the ground. Breaking routine, and fake concern were the last things he needed right now. The sooner Logan explained himself the sooner he could carry on, but Logan didn’t respond.

After a while of building up courage Virgil finally looked up at Logan to see genuine love, and concern etched in his features. He started to respond, but he knew he didn’t need words. Virgil understood everything Logan was conveying to him, and he knew Logan understood him too. They always had a weird way of communicating through facial expressions alone.

Finally after what felt like five more Christmases had passed Virgil broke the silence with a breathy laugh, “Alright, dork I get it. Let’s just.. I don’t know. What are you expecting to get from this? I still think it’s best that I be alone, and you go be with those other two dorks. I mean seriously you’re wasting time out here with me in the freezing cold when you could be having fun with friends.” Virgil shifted uncomfortably as he spoke, “You should just g-“

Logan cut Virgil off, “Virgil. I’m having fun with a friend right now. Being with you is not a waste of time. It seems like someone could use another lesson in cognitive distortions.. Hm. Well, for now let’s just get some hot chocolate. My treat.”

Before Virgil could protest, or even understand what Logan was saying he was walking into the cafe. He had no choice but to follow him. And sure enough just as Logan had said he bought them both a hot chocolate. Virgil was having trouble processing all of this, but for the time being he just accepted it. If this goes well maybe just maybe he’d never spend Christmas alone ever again.

“Shall we go look at the lights now?” Logan’s voice brought Virgil out of his thoughts, “That is what you usually do, correct?”

Unable to find his own voice, Virgil just nodded, and hesitantly grabbed Logan’s hand to start pulling him in the direction he usually goes.

The pair walked around the neighborhood, and gazed at the lights in silence for quite a while before reaching a small park. They sat on the first bench that wasn’t covered in snow, and quietly sipped at their hot chocolates.

“Uhh.. listen, Lo.. This.. This was really nice. Completely out of nowhere, and a little nerve wracking, but nice. I just… Thanks. For caring, and for not making it a big deal..” Virgil said, “You’re a good friend, nerd.”

Logan chuckled, and purposefully adjusted his glasses as he spoke, “It’s really no problem, Virgil. I’ll be honest I was worried it would seem like I was intruding, or pitying you, but even still after finding out you were alone I just couldn’t let it happen anymore..”

Virgil nodded, and absentmindedly leaned into Logan as he started to shiver. Logan smiled, and wrapped his arm around Virgil’s shoulders.

“We really shouldn’t stay out much longer. It’s freezing.” Logan said as he rubbed Virgil’s arm to warm him up, “I don’t expect you to say yes, as you never have before, but do you want to come back with me to see Roman, and Patton? Christmas isn’t over yet. We could still all spend it together.”

Virgil took a deep breath, and smiled when it was visible in the cold air before responding, “Yeah, Lo. I’d love to.”

Logan smiled warmly at him, and offered him a hand as he stood from the bench. Virgil hesitantly accepted the help up, and let Logan lead the way.

When the pair eventually entered the house full of decorations, food, warmth, and friendship Virgil knew he’d never want to spend Christmas any other way ever again.

#i actually really love this wowie #sanders sides #logan sanders #virgil sanders #analogical #platonic analogical #royality #lamp sanders #olisfics

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jawllines · 7 years

Text

okAY BUT LIKE I STARTED WRITING THE SUPERNATURAL HARRY KINDA FIC AND HE’S SORT OF A SOMETHING THAT I JUST HAVENT DECIDED YET BUT HERE IS A LOOKSIE AT WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE

The night air was cold despite the earlier onslaught from the sun, enough so to riddle Y/N's skin with goose pimples and pebble her nipples to stone. A near icy feeling bench isn't the best spot for a college student at midnight on a Saturday, but she was trying to catch the last bus to her apartment after closing at work, so her seating options were limited. It was either this bench or take her chances sitting next to a suspicious looking puddle on the ground, and she'd much rather her bum freeze off than get anywhere near it.

See, the thing is, Y/N needs to start saying no to people. Truly, it is probably her worst attribute -- a lack of a backbone when it comes to sweet old women who waddle about and run bakeries. Miss. Mandolin is just as saccharine as any cupcake, and gave her a raise last week, so declining was not an option, especially finding out that if she didn't then Miss. Mandolin herself would be the one closing. However, while that same sweet old woman is tucked away cozy and warm in her bed, and Y/N has become a distant relative of an icicle, she is mad regretting being so softhearted.

Her day hadn't been all too hard, just some bread baking and cake icing, but she feels proper dog walked. She'd been there since 9AM, working two shifts because she agreed to it last week and past her really hates present her, apparently, because she'd even agreed to come back tomorrow night as well. It's fine though, she does need the money, and when she gets to work it's not so terrible, it's just the thought of working that taunts her mercilessly.

So all she wanted to do with the rest of her night is to eat the muffins she took with her and pretend not to smell the copious amounts of pot they're undoubtedly smoking next door. Then maybe watch TV with her laptop on her belly and pass out like that, or flop down on the floor and sleep for a few years, or even just digging into her sheets not bothering to adorn herself in pajamas, just stark naked in her bed because she couldn't be arsed to put anything back on. The thought of sleep is just so lovely, really, all nestled in the covers with the whir of her fan going and the steady thump of the cat who lives above her freaking out and running back and forth and back and forth all throughout the night. She'd like to cuddle her stuffed bear tonight as elementary as it sounds, but his fur was soft and nice to rest on, and Y/N had no human to cuddle so he was the second best thing.

These pleasant thoughts are cut short when the lamp post above her begins to flicker in the most ominous fashion; first only slightly, like a hint that the bulb is about to give out soon before it's light drops out to nothing but a dim glow, then comes back, then repeats, and makes a terrible horror movie esque buzzing noise with it. It's then her brain processes that the street she was on was basically deserted, no sign of people or cars anywhere, not even with the strip of clubs and bars just a few blocks away. The wind picks up only to ruffle the trees leaves and make things even creepier, and Y/N's now hesitantly looking down each street to see if there were any headlights coming her way.

"Well, this stinks." She says it to herself, only to have some noise other than all the eerie one's surrounding her. Now that she's hearing all these noises though, even spookier ones start manifesting in the once quiet air and she's proper spooked, tucking her arms further around herself. Just a little while longer right? It's only. . .only 12:15, and the bus should've been here at 12:00 but that's fine, maybe it's a little late.

If it could be a little less later that would sure be fantastic, but beggars can't be choosers, and a bummy light plus some weird wind are just every night occurrences that Y/N shouldn't be scared of.

What Y/N should be scared of, however, is the black blobby mass materializing in front of her, hissing like a snake, glooping into a human form with beady eyes and a sickening grin. That's something to be proper frightened of, surely, like total horror movie material that she was not expecting and Y/N squeals like an old school Damsel before scurrying up. "What the -- what the hell?" She gasp as it slithers a hand in her direction and she dodges it, stumbling a little ways away from it even if it meant leaving the little light that was left.

"Say, you can see me?" It's voice is distorted and sounds like there's mush in it's mouth, but she can make out the words, nodding slow, her face screwed up and a gross, slimy tongue falls out to lick around it's faux lips, "That makes this even better! So much tastier when you're scared."

Did she just hear him right? Tastier?

A sweat builds on her neck despite what had previously been such a frosty feeling night, and as it's gloopy, gloppy hand is trying to reach out for her again Y/N tosses her heavy plate of muffins right at it's face before pivoting on her heel and taking off in the other direction. This was 100% not how she expected nor wanted her night to go -- this was something for story books and movies only, and she didn't want to be the opening scene because that character always gets written off early on. If her life wanted to start being blockbuster worthy why couldn't it have been a proper romantic comedy or something? Why a gross looking creature that she's running away from with her springy cupcake ended headband on?

Her flats bound against the ground with sharp clicks that echo in the streets, and she doesn't need to look back to know the thing is just about nipping at her heels. It has to be a dream, doesn't it? It feels so real but not real all in the same breath, mostly how the cool air is hitting at her cheeks. So refreshing and enlivening, it's confusing her greatly, and she isn't quite sure what to do. If this is a dream, she could stop running right now and she would probably be consumed by black matter but wake up all sweaty necked in her bed. If it isn't a dream, then she gets consumed and that's it, done-zo, outta here, no more Y/N for anyone. And let it be noted, if she dies because of some weird, drooly, droppy skinned creature she's going to be so fucking pissed off.

"Slow down, Sweetheart, let's have a little fun." It growls and Y/N presses herself onward, holding the strap of her purse tightly to her and feeling it bump on her thigh.

"Shut up you creep!" She yells at it, before a slimy hand is wrapping around her ankle and tripping her up, sending her to the ground.

The next few moments were in slow motion.

First there was a burst of wind that nearly knocked her over, like a car might have zipped past them but she knows no car was in sight nor heard beyond very distant noise of the highway. Second an arm wraps around her waist just before she smashes her face into the concrete, warm and firm, making a small 'umph' come out of her unintentionally. Then suddenly with a bright flash of white light Y/N sees from behind her eyelids, the hand at her ankle is gone and she's dangling in midair around this arm of an unknown assailant. She doesn't know if his is good or if this is bad, but she feels her consciousness slowly fading in little fizzling bubbles that disperse quickly and she's sinking into nothingness, almost, it feels like falling asleep but also something completely different.

"Pain in my arse." She hears someone grumble, and then she's out like a light. '

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thesinglesjukebox · 7 years

Video

youtube

TAYLOR SWIFT - ...READY FOR IT? [5.79] After the last one, sure!

Katherine St Asaph: The old Taylor's not quite dead -- that pre-chorus is pure Nashville melody, from melody to bowdlerization ("you should see the things we do" is about as explicit as someone marveling over a particularly large pumpkin harvest.) Like her former/current/who knows anymore rival, "Ready For It" pumps up Swift's numbers by sounding like interstitial music for Big Sports -- premiered for the NFL, currently being stripped for instrumental parts by NBA promos -- but also like blood sports. The track's a bombed-out, post-apocalyptic version of 1989, the Yeezus to "LWYMTD"'s 808s. Or possibly approaching NIN: the pretty date machine of "Blank Space" gone rogue, locking onto someone arbitrary (the gossip algorithms still cross-referencing it against increasingly nonentity dudes) because "I see nothing better." It's romance only in the literal sense -- the jailer/thief scenario is even pulpier than "Bad Romance" managed -- and otherwise love reduced to plan and execution. The verses are alternatively tryhard, artificial and vaguely offensive, as if it isn't Taylor on the mic but Microsoft Tay. But the all-consuming, heat-seeking mania of a certain inadvisable sort of crush is palpable as adrenaline, and stokes the all-consuming, heat-seeking maximalism of Max Martin and team throwing every resource and songwriting trick into ensuring this is a hit. Petty points for Swift saying the word "island" this many times in a track with no trop-house whatsoever, and given that she's enough of an in-joker to come up with "Nils Sjoberg," I bet it's on purpose. [9]

Ramzi Awn: The most commendable thing about "...Ready For It?" is that it completely erases any memory of the single that preceded it. A confusing, feverish dash for relevance, the song makes Katy Perry's "Swish Swish" sound even more fun, an accomplishment not to be taken lightly. [3]

Alex Clifton: The rapping is an atrocity. The production is a slicker version of Sleigh Bells with half the heart. Taylor's enunciation is bizarre: "no one has to know" is such an awkward line delivery, second only to the nasally "he can be my jailor" and "let the games begin." Her vocals are a piss-poor imitation of Rihanna; at first listen, it's hard to find a shred of the Taylor I've known and loved. It's a travesty. And yet. It's 100% a Taylor production, overdramatic, narcissistic, full of easter egg references to old songs like "Haunted" and "Wildest Dreams". It's obsessive dark love writ large: "I keep him forever / like a vendetta" marries romance and vengeance perfectly. And the sheer force of that chorus makes me want to scream "IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIIIIIGHT" in public. I love the idea of sexy, dirty Taylor, less concerned with perfection and more with ghosts and robbers and gritty feeling, but the haphazard execution of the verses is so frustrating. Par for the course with all Max Martin creations, though, that chorus is a melodic masterpiece. I've got this on repeat and I'm upset about it. [6]

Eleanor Graham: Who would have guessed that the legacy of Taylor Swift's fifth album "reputation" would be to have production so DIABOLICAL that it makes "Welcome To New York" sound like "Heroes"? No one on pop's A, B or C list should come within 100 feet of something that sounds like this. I've seen comparisons to Yeezus, which is fair because they are comparable in terms of sheer nerve, but on tracks like "New Slaves" or "I'm In It", Kanye's sleaze is a feasible sparring partner for electro-roar. Taylor's Pennsylvania-goth-Bratz-doll-masochism-adjacent-revenge-core is not. You'd think that would be obvious! To, you know, anyone! I don't even know what's happening anymore. The 2 points are mainly for the way she says "go", which does something to me; no, I don't want to talk about it. [2]

Stephen Eisermann: Taylor's thrown caution to the wind and no longer gives any fucks. The provocative chorus and the weird, rapid-fire, off-putting rap/sing hybrid verses are the most prominent examples of her willingness to toss out all consistencies previously found in her music. None of this feels like Taylor and that's fun, but I'm not sure everything works. The verses especially, though lyrically fun, are delivered so oddly that the parts that should be "cool," instead make me cringe - the "Burton" line, specifically. I mean, I'm not sure what I was expecting based on the first single, but it certainly wasn't this, for better or worse. [6]

Ryo Miyauchi: Taylor writes her tried-and-true narrative of love as tragedy into self-parody. The bare-bones beat and the anti-chorus structure of "...Ready For It?" laughs at the many hits of 1989. Her self-satisfaction is maddening, truly: the snicker to "the Burton to my Taylor" is designed to drive everyone nuts. But I should remind: the real target is not exactly you but, as always, her exes, who she destroys without lifting her voice: "every love I've known in comparison is a failure" doesn't so much rip apart the journal pages where they're enshrined than it sets her entire bookshelf into flames like some great purge. [6]

Claire Biddles: Speculating who the 'real' Taylor Swift is is reductive and boring, but my favourite Taylor Swift is the wide-eyed, extra, romantic, saying-too-much-too-soon Taylor Swift that we get a glimpse of in the bridge, swallowed up before she even gets started by that sub-Kanye womp-womp in place of a chorus. There's a mutated version of her in the verses ("We'll move to an island/and he can be my jailer" -- I'm imagining she's just met the guy for full effect) but the self-conscious, sub-Lana Del Rey delivery dampens it. Perhaps I'm just being selfish, wanting for the Taylor who most relates to (and thus excuses) my embarrassing romantic tendencies, but Cool Girl Taylor's attempts at aloofness are unconvincing. [5]

Alfred Soto: A bad single, an uninteresting bad single. Mouthing "are you ready for it?" over synth bass farts comes off like preparing listeners for the punch line: Taylor Swift rapping with as little regard for cadence as Lou Reed in 1986. At least "The Original Wrapper" had the performer's rage as its subject, affected or not; Swift is writing bad bumper music. [3]

Will Adams: It's standard practice now for Taylor Swift to drop an incendiary lead single that gets the discourse a-churnin', only to reel in the masses for the more palatable, less batshit follow-up (and she's not the only one to do this). But for "I Knew You Were Trouble" and "Blank Space," there was still a distortion of who we thought Taylor Swift was (dubstep; dissection of public image). The distortion in "...Ready For It?" is... distortion. But it's hard to care about whether Swift is stoking more controversy when the song is so bracing. There's nowhere to run as blocks of drums stack atop the opening pounds and warped roars, all culminating in, finally, an actual chorus. Where "Look What You Made Me Do" was a firebomb kindled by thinkpieces, the fire in "...Ready For It?" comes from the song itself. [8]

Iain Mew: Like "Wildest Dreams" with the wild dreams added in. [8]

Joshua Copperman: A couple of years ago, I actually co-wrote a song where we used that phantom/ransom rhyme. Until that song actually comes out, here's Taylor being the ransom phantom instead of someone else haunting her. I wish that the opening line was "Loki was a killer/first time that I saw him," because that would be hilarious for her to bypass the "tilted stage" subtweets altogether and talk about how Hiddleston's now pining over her. These lyrics are also as good as anything she's even written, so a "Loki" joke would work better than whatever she was on about last time. What bugs me, though, is the empty space in the chorus. Taylor's best melodies are stream-of-consciousness, but "in the middle of the night/in my dreams.................... you should see the things we do" feels like something got cut out last-minute. I do love the idea though, the way it flips the narrative of Wildest Dreams in a really interesting way - now, she's seeing him in her wildest dreams. That's the kind of self-referencing and subversion I'd rather see Taylor do. [6]

Edward Okulicz: So many of the ingredients of Good Taylor Pop Songs are in this one -- dreamy and melodic chorus, don't care attitude, groan-inducing but quotable lyrics -- but the production feels really dated (to around the time of Red, in fact), stalling the track when it tries to accelerate. [6]

Sonia Yang: On one hand, this is generic pop I would have brushed off had it been any other artist. On the other, it's refreshing to see Swift step out of the zone of what I've come to expect from her in particular. I love the ominous synths and how the entire track has a spy thriller vibe. The best part is that breathy prechorus, you can really feel the "island breeze" as Swift delivers that line. The chorus, unfortunately, is a wisp of a thing that doesn't have any impact. The melody neither compels nor is purposefully anticlimactic. The lyrics, while not quite Love Story levels of awkward, are not great; the Taylor-Burton reference is campy at best and cringe at worst. [5]

Jonathan Bradley: Taylor Swift has rolled out singles from Reputation like trailers for the next release from a blockbuster film franchise: not only songs, "Look What You Made Me Do" and now "...Ready For It" (next: "Gorgeous"?) have acted as teasers for a new product launch. Unveiled during a college football broadcast, "...Ready For It" sounds like sports, like a pre-game huddle, like a highlights reel from last season building excitement to see how the new line-up will perform. "Welcome to New York" did the same for 1989 and was fine, but "...Ready For It" is better because it crams more into its pop overload: a rap that traces the "Empire State of Mind" flow, K-pop synth blasts, a gleefully audacious pun on Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, and a chorus about "dreams" and doing things in the night that throws it all in for the romanticism Swift has always been so resolved to earnestly commit herself. If Reputation should turn out to be her New Jersey album, and if all the stage-setting should ultimately overshadow the show itself, I hope we'll one day rediscover how good the songs themselves were. [8]

#Taylor Swift #...Ready for It?

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