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theoreticslut · 3 years

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Sleepy Love Letters // f.w.

fred weasley x reader

requested: yes

word count: 2.5k

warnings: none, fluff

A/N: oh good lord. I am literally so behind on requests of all kinds. I guess i’ve just really needed a break. I am (obviously) writing again, but I am taking it much slower than I had been and it’s truly just because I get burnt out and tired so much faster lately. This fic is from my 1.1k sleepover (i believe) which was back in feb, but I still have stuff from my end of the year party from late dec / early jan. Basically, at this point I’m working through things as I get the time and motivation for it. It’ll all just be mixed in. If you’re waiting for a fic, headcanon, blurb, letter, etc. just keep your eyes out for it on my blog OR you can always check the events and their respective tags under my navigation to find it. I am either working on it or getting my way to it. I promise. Thank you, seriously, to every single one of you that have sent requests in for misc. events or when I had my requests open - it means the WORLD to me and I am going to get to it. I just need the time. Anyways, that’s enough of my heartfelt blubbering. I hope you guys like this fic! Xx

A/N 2: I’ve had this saved in my drafts for weeks now and I’ve been dying to post it. I’m not really sure why I haven’t yet, but here it is!! I hope you like it just as much as I do!

“Y/n, how do you think you did?!” Fred asks as he catches up with you walking out of the great hall after your charms exam.

“Good. Didn’t think it was too hard at least.” You reply, stifling a yawn.

Fred notices and wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him. The two of you have been friends for years and he knows you're exhausted even if you won’t admit it.

You’ve always spent hours upon hours studying for a test, often opting to stay up real late at night. He can’t even count how many times he and George have come back from detention or setting up a prank to find you passed out at one of the tables in the common room.

It only got worse when it was a final. Fred had found you not only passed out in the common room with a book open in front of you or on your lap, but he’d see you with a book shoved in your face as you ate or anytime you had some free time. He’d watch as you almost obsessively run through flash cards.

He adored how dedicated you were to getting good grades, but he often worried about what you were doing to yourself staying up way past the point of exhaustion or eating the bare minimum as you were too focused on the book in front of you. You weren’t taking care of yourself the way you should and it bothered him more than he’d like to admit.

“I’m sure you did more than just good, sweetheart. You excited that it was the last one?”

“Thrilled. I can’t wait to be able to spend the summer going to the lake and camping. You and George have any plans?”

“Not many as of yet. I’m sure George is going to try to find any excuse to see Angelina.”

You chuckle, nodding in agreement with the redhead. The two of you have only watched George and Angie dance the line between friends and dating for a year and a half now. They were closer than ever to being together, they just wouldn’t quite admit it to each other.

Walking into the common room you were glad to find it quiet. You’d hate to admit it out loud, but all you really wanted to do is go lay down and maybe sleep for a bit.

“Come hang out in my room?” Fred asked, nodding towards the stairs for the boys’ dorms.

He watches as a tired smile fills your face before you give him a small nod.

“Yeah, alright. You have any products you need testing?”

He chuckles, a loving smile on his face in response to your question. Even though you’re dragging your feet and look about ready to pass out, you’re still asking about him and his passion.

“Not today. Maybe later next week though. I just like your company.”

“I like yours, Fred.” You giggle, following him up the stairs.

“Well obviously, princess. Who doesn’t love having me in their company?” He chuckles, opening the door to his dorm.

“Good Godric,” you roll your eyes. “I think you need to check that ego of yours.”

“You love my big ego though, yeah?”

You shake your head as a smile finds its place on your face. You can’t help but let out a yawn as you take a seat on his bed while he sits down at the desk, watching you get comfortable.

“It definitely makes you interesting, Freddie.”

He smiles, watching as you stretch out, slowly making yourself more comfortable.

“You alright, y/n?” He asks as you let out a soft groan as you curl up in your side.

“Yeah. I’m just really tired, Freddie. Haven’t slept much lately.” You mumble, eyes already closed lightly.

“I’m sure, princess. You just rest for a bit. I’ll make sure you’re up in time for dinner.”

“Thank you.”

He smiles, watching as you tuck one of his pillows under your head. He’s always found you adorable when you’re sleepy. The few times he’s caught you napping in ginny’s room at the burrow, or on the couch down in the common room while your friends all talk, he’s felt his heart melt.

Not wanting to be creepy, though, he turns his attention to a joke product he’s been working on, listening to the gentle breathes leaving your body as you fall asleep.

~.~

You’ve been asleep for about a half hour now and Fred can’t help but admire you. Every time a little groan leaves your lips as you adjust your position, he can’t stop a smile from growing on his lips.

That’s not even mentioning how adorable you look curled up on his bed. Your laying on your stomach, with one leg stretched out while the other is pulled up to your side as you hug a pillow under your head and towards your chest. Your hair is sprawled out over his blankets, afternoon light reflecting of the silky strands.

He watches as your torso slowly rises and falls with your steady breathes and your eyelids flutter with your dreams. He watches as you ever so gently situate yourself from time to time.

He is so enamored with you at the moment he can’t help but want to share his feelings with the world. He’s loved you for a few years now, but he’s never dared let on he does in case you didn’t feel the same. He can’t fathom losing you as a friend, so he never wanted to share something that might make the relationship awkward.

He’s never even told George how he feels about you. When he realized just how deeply he felt for you, he promised himself that he’d keep it quiet. For all you and George knew, Fred only thought of you as a good friend and nothing more. Sure you both knew that he cared for you and would do anything you ever asked him to, but you would never guess that Fred wanted to be able to call you his - that he wanted to be able to hold you and kiss you and shout to the world that he’s dating you.

Fred sighs happily as you continue sleeping, feeling his heart swell with love. Godric how you made him feel.

He doesn’t even realize what he’s doing until he’s written a few words.

Y/n, sweetheart -

Godric, I love you.

He feels the air get sucked out of his lungs as he reads over what he wrote. He couldn’t possibly have written that right?

Looking over at you cautiously to find you still fast asleep he sighs. He checks the time finding that dinner is still over an hour away. Maybe writing out his feelings wouldn’t be so bad? It’s not like anyone would be seeing them right?

~.~

You giggle as you shut the door on your two best friends as they stumble over each other up the stairs.

As soon as you three stepped off the train, Fred was asking you to come over for a few days, not wanting to part ways quite yet. Writing out his feelings did the exact opposite of what he was hoping. Instead of feeling relieved and getting them out of the forefront of his mind, writing out his love for you had only made him crazier for you.

It was insane how much he felt for you and he couldn’t imagine having you disappear on him so quickly. Hence why he asked you over and you’ve been at the burrow for about three days now.

It’s been amazing spending time with your two best friends without the stress or schedule of classes and tests.

Currently you were trying to escape their wrath for a harmless prank you pulled on them this morning which may have resulted in them both getting drenched in water.

“Y/n, sweetheart, can you let us in our room please? We really would like to change out of these wet clothes.” Fred asks sweetly, attempting to get you to show yourself to them.

“Not yet. You’re going to attack me soon as I do.”

“We won’t. Swear we won’t, right george?”

“Right, Fred. Just let us in.”

“I don’t trust you two.” You admit, trying to catch your breath as you back away from the locked door.

“Why not? We’ve never given you a reason not too.”

“You’re joking right? Must I remind you about your birthday?” You deadpan, taking a seat at their desk in an attempt to protect yourself. If they tried to attack you, you at least had an arsenal of pens and pencils.

“Alright, fair enough. We promise no tricks. Just unlock the door.”

“I really don’t want to. At least I’m safe right now.”

You hear a mix of chuckles and a groan as you curiously look over the contents of the desktop. You frown when you spot a folded piece of paper with your name on it.

Why would they have a paper addressed to you? And what would even be in it? It’s not like anyone has anything important enough to put in a letter for you. If they have something to say they just talk to you.

Without questioning it, you pick up the paper and start reading it.

Y/n, sweetheart -

Godric, I love you. I’ve loved you for ages now but I’ve been far too worried about ruining our friendship to tell you. The only reason I’m writing these words now is because I know no one but me will ever see this.

“Y/n? What’re you doing?” Fred questions through the door when you get too quiet.

I can’t imagine a life without you, y/n. You’ve been the best part of mine since I met you on the train in our first year. The way you’re so unbelievably kind and fun to be around is just one of the many things I adore about you. I could write you a list, but it’d get to be quite long.

Merlin, I wish I could tell you how I feel. I want to scream it to the world I swear. I want to be able to hold you, and kiss you, whenever and wherever. I want to go on hogsmeade trips with you and buy you a butterbeer and be one of those couple’s you’re always fawning over. I want to get you gifts just because I want to see you smile.

You can hear the door click as one of them unlocks it, but you pay no attention to it.

I want to be the one you talk to about anything and everything. I want to be the one to comfort you. I want to be the one to make you smile. I want to fall asleep and wake up beside you each day. I just want you. I’ve wanted you since the middle of second year, but I’m sure you don’t feel the same. I just needed to get this all off my chest.

I love you and I hope you can tell even though we’re friends. I love you, y/n. So much.

“Shit, princess. Y-you weren’t supposed to read that.” Fred sighs from behind you.

You jump slightly at his proximity, not expecting him to be right behind you.

You look up at him as he paces across the room, looking over to George before back at Fred. You frown as you watch him tug at his hair.

“Freddie?”

“Hmm?” He acknowledges, still pacing.

“Will you please look at me?”

“What’s even got you like this? What could you have written that’s so bad?” George questions, walking to the desk as you walk over to Fred.

You watch as Fred chews on his lip as you stand in front of him. You see the anxiousness in his eyes and you’ve never once been more reminded of a scared puppy as much as you are now. Fred looks absolutely terrified, only further proven by how he’s shaking slightly.

“Fred, do you really feel that way? Do you love me?”

“I, uhm, yeah...I-I do.”

You smile, pushing back some of his hair that’s stuck to his forehead from being drenched as you wrap your arms around his neck in a hug.

“You should have told me ages ago. I’ve loved you since second year, too, you goof.” You giggle, kissing his cheek before burying your face in his neck.

“What?”

You pull back to look at him, finding him sporting a look of utter confusion as he stares at you, mouth open.

“What?” You chuckle, cocking a brow at him as you smile lightly.

“Y-you like me too? Like you actually like me? More than as a friend?”

You hear George chuckle to the side of you, drawing both of your guys’ attention.

“Godric, Fred. Never would have pegged you as a sap.” He snorts.

“Be nice, George. Believe it or not, it’s actually really sweet. Write a love letter to Angie and see how quickly she swoons.”

Fred chuckles at your repose while George scoffs, although there’s no hiding the blush that spreads across his cheeks.

You watch as George grabs some dry clothes before leaving the two of you to yourselves.

“So you actually like me too?”

“Of course I do, Freddie. Haven’t you ever noticed how much the girls would tease me when you were around? They were teasing me about you.”

“Bloody hell. They’ve done that for years! I thought it was just how they were.”

“I mean, it is, but they tend to get a bit more obnoxious about it when you’re around.”

“So you really like me too?”

“Yes, Freddie. I like you too. I just need to ask, when did you write that?”

He chuckles, rubbing at the back of his neck as he gives you a half smile.

“After our charms final....you took a nap in our dorm, remember?”

“Mhm. Your bed was really comfy.” You giggle, a blush rising to Fred’s cheeks.

“You looked really cute sleeping in my bed and I, well, I may have gotten a little overwhelmed with emotions.”

You smile, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips.

“Godric you’re adorable, Fred.”

“Not as adorable as you, princess.”

“I beg to differ.” You giggle, smiling as he brings you into another kiss, tightly wrapping his arms around your waist.

When you pull away you press your foreheads together, smiling.

“So, do you think you could write that list about the things you adore about me?”

He can’t help the chuckle that leaves his chest as you smile adoringly at him.

“I’ll get right on it, love. Right after I change out of these clothes since someone decided it’d be fun to prank the pranksters this morning.”

You giggle, pressing one last kiss to his jaw before you leave him to let him change clothes.

“I’m glad I found your letter, Fred.”

“I am too, y/n. I love you.”

“I love you too, Freddie.” You smile as you close his bedroom door. Who would have guessed that Fred Weasley would declare his feelings for you in a love letter? One things for sure though, you’re saving that paper and cherishing it the rest of your life.

———————————————————————

Taglist:

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#harry potter #harry potter imagine #hp imagine #hp fluff #fred weasley #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley fluff #theweasleyslut's 1.1k sleepover

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nsk96 · 2 years

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Pharmacy School Adventures

School this semester has been academic hell. There’s this class in particular where they’re pretty much dumping a whole bunch of information on us and so many drugs to learn as well, and expecting us to know all of it in a WEEK? All the stuff below is for one exam (being 10+pages or 30+ lecture slides each). You do not want to see how much drugs we had to cover for the previous exam O_O Don’t get me started on the patient scenarios/cases

Half of it is self-study at home and the rest is covered in class. For the self study portions, not only do we have all these things to read through, we have to watch the lecture videos that accompany them which can vary anywhere between 30 minutes to 2 hours each. Much of the self-study material isn’t even covered in class. Thankfully there’s some short videos in between that are less than 10 minutes. But really, how much time do they think we have at home? They know this is not the only class we have to worry about along with quizzes and assignments due every week. And they wonder why students have been cheating on the online quizzes recently? I can assure them that the students who are cheating are more than the 20% that was flagged for cheating on a previous quiz.

Oh and every live lecture for each class is at least 1hr 30min each, so if you are unable to go to class (because they lifted the mask mandate and you rather not risk your life and your mother’s life more than you have to) that’s a lot of material you have to catch up on. I’ve had to skip meals and showers just to keep up. Forget exercising. Forget sleep. “You won’t be able to perform your best if you don’t get enough sleep or eat healthy”. Hypocrisy! All of it. It’s easy for you to say to get a good night sleep, because you’re the one assigning the work, not the one having to learn everything and study it.

The amount of material I’ve had to learn in just 2 weeks alone, would have taken 1-2 months to learn in undergrad. I’ve been mentally (&maybe physically) burnt out since October of last year and I’m literally running on fumes. I feel like I can’t get myself to care about this stuff anymore. What good am I to the people I want to help if I can’t learn this information properly?

Honestly, if this is how pharmacy school is gonna be for the next 3 years, it’s no wonder why studies have shown that pharmacy students are way less empathetic after finishing school. The stress of just trying to complete the program as well as compete, then top that off with student loans you’ll probably never be able to pay off because the field is now oversaturated to the point where salary is decreasing drastically. Oh and being treated like shit by patients, doctors, nurses, and other healthcare professionals and having your credentials and professional competence constantly questioned by people who don’t know that pharmacists are doctors of pharmacy who has had to learn nearly just as much as a medical doctor. Yeah…I’m starting to have second thoughts.

Oh and did I mention that my spring break was 3 days because they gave us assignments due over the break and things to read before getting back and honestly I just can’t anymore 😩 And they had the audacity to say “well you guys are lucky that you had a spring break. The previous class didn’t.” and I’m just like “you’re proud to say that? You should be ashamed to say that.” You complain that not enough creative people come to pharmacy. We’ll maybe most of them got the warning that it’s not worth it. Creative people want time to work on their projects, which they can’t do if your coursework leaves them only 1 hour a week for relaxation.

#I’m exhausted tbh and I’m just watching my gpa decrease #pharmacy school adventures #pharmacy school #pharmacy #pharmacy student #student life #college #university #rant #I don’t know how much longer I can put up with not having time to enjoy life because of school

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dirtyoatmeall · 3 years

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Burnout (Pro!Bakugo x Vet!Reader)

A/N: another sefl indulgent fic, I;ve been having a hard time at work and felt really burnt out today so I wrote this to mke me feel better, not sure how it turned out. I hope you like this.

Pairing: Bakugo x reader- married, female pronouns used for reader I believe.

Word count:~1.5k

Warnings: Cursing

You sigh as you glance at the clock, it was close to 8pm, almost 2 hours since the clinic closed. You reviewed your chart again, trying to remember if there was anything else you noted during the exam. You released the chart and moved the follow up task to the assistants. You took note of how many charts you had left, and switched to look at your tasks. You had been trying to keep up with them, but an emergency had come in and you ended up working through your lunch, a time you usually used to call owners back between bites of your food. You turned to look at your coworker, the closing assistant who instead of leaving when they finished closing, had instead elected to sit in the other office chair, scrolling through her phone.

“Y’know you don’t have to stay, I’m probably gonna be here awhile.” You tried not to sound so exhausted when you spoke, but it was obvious from the look on your face. She just smiled and shook her head, “You know I don’t have anything to do, and this isn’t the best area, I don’t like leaving you by yourself here.” You smiled and nodded once, turning back to your charts, occasionally making small talk about the appointments through-out the day.

It was a tough day. You were the only doctor working, you knew you were going to be short-staffed looking at the schedule but someone ended up calling out, so everyone was always running around, not having a moment of rest. It seemed like the phones were always ringing and every owner had about 50 million questions. Your spay ran long, and you just couldn’t seem to catch your breath. You preformed 3 euthanasia as well. You had cried in the bathroom after each one, as well as after a client yelled at you for 10 minutes on the phone, over prices you didn’t set and circumstances you didn’t have control over. You still tried to maintain the fun atmosphere in the back, trying to keep morale up, you couldn’t tell if it worked.

After another 45 minutes, you closed out your desktop, packing up your bag as your coworker does the same. The two of you leave together and you exchange farewells as you get in your car. You gripped the steering wheel, as you sat in the dark and leaned forward so your forehead rested against the top of the steering wheel. You cried for another 15 minutes before sitting up and taking a deep breath, wiping the tears from your cheeks. You turn on your car and put on some music before pulling out of the clinic parking lot.

It took you only about 20 minutes to get home, checking yourself in the mirror before getting out of the car, making sure you didn’t look like an absolute mess. You had completely forgotten to text your husband you would be late, it wasn’t the first time you had, and most likely wouldn’t be the last. Your shoulders sag as you approach the door, all you wanted was to curl up with your husband and sleep for the next 50 years. You open the door quietly, incase Katsuki was already asleep, and toed off your shoes, dropping your bag unceremoniously on the couch on the way to the kitchen.

You had thought Katuski had just left the light on for you, but you were surprised to find your husband sitting at the dining table, scrolling through his phone, looking up when you enter. “Oh,” you say, pausing in the doorway before walking up to him, “I thought you’d be asleep by now.” He simply stood up to meet you, wrapping his arms your waist and leaning down to place a quick kiss on your lips. You wrap your arms around his neck and pretty much collapse against him, resting your face in the crook of his neck, enjoying the warmth your husband provides. “What kind of asshole doesn’t wait up for his wife?” He says gruffly, actions betraying his tone as he softly rubs your back. “Hard day?” He asks quietly, like he already knows the answer. You nod against his neck and softly curse as you feel hot tears well up. You had thought you had cried everything out earlier, but apparently not.

Katsuki stiffens for half a second, not expecting waterworks as he gently cups the side of your face, bringing you to look at him. You take in his features, the hard lines of his nose, the various scars and freckles that adorn his face, and his crimson eyes, that soften whenever they meet yours, which now held worry in them. This wasn’t the first time you had cried after work, but it usually was out of frustration after going over complicated cases, nothing this bad this unprompted had happened before. You hiccup through the sobs, closing your eyes briefly as he wipes at your tears. His other hand came to cup your other cheek, and your hands grip his wrists loosely. “What happened?” He says gently, before kissing your forehead and leading you toward the bedroom.

You mull over the day, sniffling as you changed from your scrubs into a pair of sleep shorts and one of Katsuki’s shirts. While you changed and began recounting the day, your husband was getting the bed ready, climbing in and opening his arms to you as you clambered after him, curling into his side, sobs growing heavier as you went over the argument you had. “I-I can’t even count how many times I was told I don’t know what I’m doing, that I’m bad at my job, and-“ You grip his shirt tightly in your fist as you take a deep breath. Katsuki didn’t say a word, and you looked up to meet his eyes through your tears. “And what if- what if they’re right?” You lip wobbles as you look away from him for a second before meeting is eyes again, slightly worried at his response. His forehead furrows for a moment as he thinks of what to say.

“Fuck them.” He says simply, and you blink once before snorting and resting your head on his chest. “I’m serious, you went to school for 8 fucking years, working your ass off for this degree just for some extra to tell you that you don’t know what you’re talking about because he didn’t want to fucking pay for it? Nah, that’s not gonna fly. Did you tell your hospital manager?” He questioned and you nodded. “Yeah, one of the girls told her about it while I was crying in the bathroom.” He sighs at your admission, “You cried at work?” You laughed bitterly as you thought of just how much you’ve cried today. “Yeah this is like the 5th time today.” He held you a bit tighter, kissing the crown of your head. “ You need to take a break. You’ve been working non-stop while what’s-her-face is on maternity leave. You’re getting burnt out. I hate watching you destroy yourself like this. You keep giving and giving, soon enough there’s not going to be anymore of you to give.”

You nod at his words, you know they’re true, you’ve been working 10 hour shifts, many of them without a lunch break, way too often lately. You know the statistics, you had mandatory mental health classes in grad school to help you develop coping mechanism and ways to prevent burnout, but it never quite translated properly into the workforce. They always stressed time off, but doctor schedules were made months in advance, and it’s hard to know exactly when you’re going to be feeling this way. “I’ve got a week off coming up soon, if you can get it off too maybe we can go somewhere.” You husband smiles into your hair, squeezing your hip. “I’m one of the top heroes, of course I can get it off. We can go to that seaside town you love so fucking much, maybe we can finally fuck on the beach this time.” You snort, rolling your eyes at his words.

You shift, sitting up slightly, face to face with Katsuki, who had one of his signature smirks on his face. You smile and kiss him gently, cupping his cheek before pulling away. “ I am so lucky to have you Katsuki. I love you so much.” He pulls you back for another kiss before tugging you back down to his side, getting ready to finally commit to sleep. “Of course you are, I’m a fucking catch.” You laugh again and pinch his hip and you settle into him. He retaliates by pinching your ass, kissing your hair as he exhales, listening to you soft breaths. “I love you too, brat.”

#My writing #my hero academia #my hero academy #my hero academia x reader #my hero academia imagine #bakugo #bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #bnha bakugo katsuki #bakugo kastuki x reader #mha #boku no hero #boku no hero academia #bakugou katuski x reader

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ankylosaurusthesaurus · 2 years

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vent post just skip it’s about my real life gross

sorry i just need to vent quickly feel free to ignore this tumblr is just my screaming void

but it makes me really frustrated how my schools theatre create this environment where they’re like “if you have lower than a d in any of your classes we need to kick you out of the production” but they never do that. ever. and what’s more than that is they don’t allow you to put school first. if you’re involved in a production, theatre is you’re entire life and they don’t care how badly you’re doing in school at that moment, they don’t care how far you are behind in your classes, theatre is your life until it’s over.

every single production, our first read through when we’re reading through the norms they emphasize so much how important it is to keep up with our schoolwork. but then they don’t actually do anything if we are failing one or more of our classes. and what’s more is they don’t give us actual time to actually be able to do our homework and be able to manage both theatre and school.

i love theatre, i really do, but it’s just way too much. i have a life outside of theatre. but they don’t let me. i have a c- in my ap environmental class and i haven’t really turned in any of my labs or homework this semester because of theatre. i am months behind in ap seminar because of theatre. i’m very behind in apush and didn’t learn that much this semester because of theatre. i’m not someone who really cares too much about grades, but i do like putting forth an effort in the classes that i enjoy. and the fact that classes that i honestly get joy out of and i get to learn a lot in, the fact that i am majorly behind in all three of them, and they’ve become huge stressors to me because i am so behind in them because of theatre. it’s upsetting.

my school did our musical, and as per usual i did sound crew for it, i was actually co head this year. it was my favorite show we’ve done, it was so much fun, it was one of my best friends last shows, but tech week was long and a mess and just kind of exhausting and stressful and our director really took it out on all the actors and the crew occasionally and all around it was very emotionally taxing. the end product and the community i find in theatre made it worth it, but because of just how much it took out of me and how much it burned me out and how behind i got in some of my classes because of it i was really on the fence about doing our children’s show. i kind of got pressured into it if i’m being honest.

content warning/trigger warning for this next paragraph i talk about my adhd meds and disordered eating + some issues with weight (no specific numbers)

i’m exhausted and burnt out and i have so much stuff coming up. i need to start researching for college. i have ap exams (not that i really care about them anymore but at least for apush it would be nice to get a decent score since i plan on going into social studies maybe history i dont really know). i have health issues that i’m dealing with, my doctor’s changing up my adhd meds a bit since what i’ve been on hasn’t been working the best on it’s own, so now i’m taking a short acting stimulant (adderall lol) in the late afternoon but honestly that’s been really hard on me and it hasn’t really been helping and it’s just made me extremely irritable but it’s also too soon to really tell so i can’t just stop it. but for now i just have to deal with it even tho i get super emotional and irritable and it’s just hard. on top of that i’ve been having issues with my eating because of my adhd meds which i thought i had effectively solved but my weight has started going down again and it’s really bad and i gotta make it stop and i gotta figure out a way to make it effectively go up cos uh lets just say my weight was borderline concerning but it had stabilized and now since starting adderall it is extremely concerning.

on top of all that i was sick all of last week, like couldn’t get out of bed sick like really just sick. for an entire week. granted it was a three day week because freshmen and sophomores had a practice act thing and we had friday off since we had a long weekend for spring holidays. but still. i had a math test i missed. i have a group project in seminar in which it would just be irresponsible of me to not work hard on because its a fucking group projects and my actions have real implications for other ppl. so anyways i’m after school for theatre today and our tech director is talking to me and the other person on my crew. she asks if we can come in during our enrichment period (at my school we have enrichment every other day where we have to sign up for a teacher and just go to their class and it’s a time to meet with teachers for help or a lot of clubs meet during that time and seniors can decide to just leave). anyways the other person on my crew had to retake a chemistry test. my tech director seems frustrated. i tell my tech director that i have to go to seminar. SHE STRAIGHT UP SIGHS. I MISSED AN ENTIRE WEEK. I AM EXTREMELY BEHIND IN ALL MY CLASSES BUT ESPECIALLY THAT ONE. BECAUSE OF THEATRE. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PUTTING SCHOOL FIRST. SORRY I’M YELLING SHE JUST MADE ME SO MAD TODAY.

i just. do not get it. i really wish it wasn’t too late to quit.

on top of that. for the childrens show. we have a different director than our usual director. we have one of the teachers who comes in and does it. she has no official theatre training or knowledge or experience. which is fine. it’s supposed to be a more lowkey show. but one of the problems with that. is that she wants all these different sound effects. and she doesn’t realize like our normal director does. that sound crew is best when you don’t notice sound. like i don’t want to sit there and say “if we put this sound effect in it’s gonna sound fucking ridiculous and not in a fun camp way but in a fucking ridiculous way” but idk what to do. it puts more work on me because i have to add in sound effects that once we start rehearsal she’s gonna realize are fucking ridiculous and want to take out. but also then if she doesn’t realize they sound fucking ridiculous then we have to leave those in and it’s gonna sound fucking ridiculous.

WHAT’S WORSE. is our childrens show. we don’t do it in our normal theatre. we do it in a room in our school that is relatively larger and has a very outdated sound and lights system. it does have a sound and lights system. but it is extremely outdated. it’s very crackly. like any time you play anything through it it is just. static. so i have tons of sound effects i need to program. and i know they will all sound staticy and awful and fucking ridiculous. and i understand i’m really privileged and lucky to go to a school with a really well funded theatre program and we have a lot of really cool technology, especially sound wise, that many schools don’t get even if their theatre department is well funded. however, our director of the childrens show just really fails to recognize our own barriers when it comes to this production. she wants it to be completely insane. which i understand and respect the vision, but you really can’t ask the impossible of crew and get upset when we literally can not produce what you want us to because of outdated technology.

my friend is on lights crew, basically head of lights. i know next to nothing about lights. but apparently our tech director wanted both a warm and cool wash from the same light?? i dont know what that fucking means but just thinking about it i can tell that that’s kinda impossible. that’s the thing about our tech director. she’s much better trained for set design and stuff like that. for our mainstage productions we have a professional sound guy and a professional lighting guy who come in and they help us and guide us through certain stuff. ultimately it’s us running the shows, but they do a lot of the stuff that our tech director can’t. it’s one of my favorite parts about theatre honestly. because the childrens show is such a small scale though we don’t have that, understandably. but our tech director is now asking things of (mainly lights, we haven’t gotten too much of it as sound) but asking things of us that are just kind of. impossible. especially given the technological limitations of the room we’re in.

i am so tired. i am so exhausted. i am failing half of my classes. i need to catch up. i won’t have time to catch up. once the childrens show is over i will have basically one month to bring my grades from d’s and very low c’s to high c’s or maybe high b’s if i really overwork myself. that will be after ap exams, so i won’t really be getting any new work for the classes that i am behind the most in. most of my teachers probably don’t want to accept work from fucking february at this point. like i don’t know what to fucking do. it’s too late to quit. and it’s too late for me not to put any effort. but i am so exhausted. and i love sound and i love doing this stuff. but i really wish i had some more clear instructions and direction prior to uh. right now. i really wish i never decided to do this production in the first place.

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word-addict-lisette · 3 years

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Dear Lisette,

I am back in you inbox, yay! How was your day? How's life? How's school?

I am really mad because we had this piece of work and it was like "pen down your idea on this statement, 'i can do whatever i want on the internet as long as i don't get caught' and i put down my thoughts which were 'this statement is true, i stand by it and you can do whatever you like as long as you don't get caught and don't own up' and then people were like throwing shade at me and i looked at it. I have 5 comments.

My teachers tried to delete it, my classmates literally lectured me and then she read it out loud and the whole class went looking for that one note i made. In the comments, people are spelling my name in caps. It was my opinion, and oh, look all of them are basically hypocrites. Let me just say, these people make me uncomfortable, they don't talk about exactly nice things or approriate things and they are all commenting ( without names too may i add) like "KAT, THAT'S NOT HOW THINGS WORK!" but with my real name and just arghhh.

Also if my teachers wanted me to say, "no, that isn't the right thing to do," or any other answer that the others provided them with, they shouldn't have asked for my opinion. They should have just forced us all to just type the same thing. The other people all wrote like, "no, its unethical and bad" or "False, no, its bad" and stuff like that, filmsy evidence and elaboration. I HAVE MORALS, i am just saying the truth. I feel like the victim of a hate crime. People don't like me enough already, i am a very intresting person, uh, yeah, we are gonna stop there.

Enjoy the rant i guess? I don't know? I am sorry for loading on you but there's a little extra rant so uh, yeah. im just gonna take this out, one sec.

Ok, so uh my teacher was like, next week, we are making pancakes. Fluffy pancakes. It was changed to pancakes without eggs? and now we have to make it ourselves, at home. Where do i get flour? What do i do with the extra flour? I don't know how to cook at all, my partner who has been extremely controlling and like kinda driving me insane, ( ahem i did the whole coursework) also she uses my friend's name for everything? Like, bestie i was literally helping out and you went all, "Oh you don't want (friend's name) to see you burnt right?". Obviously i don't but if i burnt down my house, she wouldn't be surprised. I BURNT MYSELF LAST YEAR, SHE SAW ME BURN MYSELF. Well, my friend burnt me and then the week after that, she burnt herself.

This happens a lot. Also, the very common questions and statements of, "Are you straight?" , "aren't you and (friend's name) dating?", "you guys would make such a cute couple" , " aren't you bi?" and "i thought the two of you were dating," there is nothing wrong with being bi but i am not attracted to her like that. So, they use her for leverage over me to get me to do what they want and also think im dating her? If we were dating, we would both be homeless. I like my house. This doesn't only happen with her. I once got shipped with my brother. I hugged him and some guy was like, "oh you guys like each other," that was awkward. Can i just add, a lot of people like majority of that community know we are siblings.

I also get shipped with his best friend, thanks to a rumor my brother made up. So, sometimes, i would get like comments like, "oh, you like him" or "(brother's name) told me that you and (brother's best friend) are dating," we are not dating. WE ARE JUST REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. I LIKE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. LEAVE ME ALONE. Also, everytime i have a picture of a guy on my phone or something my cousin just has to tell my brother. THEY ARE STREAMERS. ONE IS OF V FROM BTS SO I CAN TRAMATISE MY FRIEND.

Everytime i cry, someone comes in my room. It is so annoying. LEAVE ME ALONE, I WANT TO CRY. This is why i started reading sad books, listening to sad songs, watching sad movies so i have a reason to cry. There was this once, i wasnt selected to be part of my choir's competition and i was sad about it because i didn't feel good enough. THEY SAID I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. So, i cried but it wasn't enough so i read the saddest book i could find so i had a reason to cry but by that time, my feelings were gone. This is why i get breakdowns when im overwhelmed because of all this. You know how old i am. I have to deal with this and the pressure of always wanting to be perfect. What else can i do? I am not pretty or smart or talented or have friends, i have like 6 friends and nobody ever keeps me company. So, i focus on being perfect. 100%, i deal with not having any attention because my parents didn't pay me any attention just because i was "independent" or something?

Did i mention, i babysit all my siblings? I am the second child. I baby-sit my older brother. I am sleep-deprived because i can't sleep well at night and i constantly worry about everything and i have to take care of all my friends and it is so exhausting. Yet, i can not cry.

Thanks for staying with me through whatever that was. Uh, yeah, i took the quiz and got chaotic academia. That is my aesthetic. I really want one of those fancy skirts they wear like on pintrest and stuff? Like you know what i mean? The academia skirt? Yeah, i don't have one yet.

Question of the day, what is your dream profession or you could answer my other question which is what would you want to look like? Or you could answer both?

Ok, thank you again. i am gonna go study. Love and hugs and just literal joy sent your way!

- Kat, the ultimate dino mom of Leo, Billy Bob, Jessica, Sophie, Jackson, Sarah, Lily, the Micheals and all her other kids. (Jessica, Sophie and Jackson are mailboxes and Lily is a computer, Micheal is my screwdriver and laptop pencil, there are two micheals.)

Dear Kat,

It's really good to see you in my inbox. I'm sorry for replying late, but exams really had occupied my schedule today and I got my Saturday exam tomorrow. This week is going to be stressful and today's day has been pathetic. I had nothing to do except study and write exams. I feel like I haven't really been social recently and That I'm losing touch with people that I used to be close with and basically I'm letting overthinking take over my mind.

That is so sick. Why is someone's genuine opinion bothering them so much? I totally wouldn't be able to tolerate that. They ought to understand that there is a fine line between a fact and an opinion, and what you stated was just an OPINION. they have no right whatsoever to come at you like that. I totally agree... the teachers ought to have not asked for your opinion if all they desired was a particularly specific answer which opposed the statement. one of the reasons I hate the schooling system has to be THIS. people who are putting comments like that ought to realize that what you stated is exactly what they do in real life. They just want to be seen as the good kid here. At least you have the guts enough to speak the truth.

Miss! You don't have to worry about ranting out to me. You can rant to me for days and I'd still listen. Just go on ranting nobody is stopping you.

Ahhh! I've had that happen to me. I really understand how tough that can be. I really really hate being shipped with someone who I am just platonically friends with like you've got no valid proof to believe that we are romantically involved with each other. I've burnt myself plenty of times too. It's not a pleasant experience. Plus I also hate having controlling partners. Cause all they do is boss you around while they are barely doing a thing. It sucks.

Why? Just why? Why does it even matter to them? Who you date and what your sexuality is, is none of their business. I have no idea why people concern themselves with topics that really don't involve them. It's like people are just ready to make gossip out of anything. A person can't have a bestie without not liking them? I don't get what's so difficult to understand about that. I hate it when I'm casually talking to a guy and people start shipping us and start spreading rumors of us being in a romantic relationship. Another thing they do is, if a person likes me, they automatically assume that I like him back when I've barely even ever spoken to that guy. And yes! I like fictional characters! Don't even assume I like any of you fools cause You idiots bully me and ship me with total crackheads... And my standards are good enough for me to not include you guys in my list of *appropriate candidates* which consists of non-existent people.

Similarly, the moment I'm chatting with some guy, or like have a pic with someone on my mobile phone people just assume that fact that I'm crushing on him. Like no! I don't. We are friends... the others are celebrities, Why can't you understand that? I can't imagine how thick their skull must be considering they can't let a small statement like that sink in.

The crying thingy... I feel personally attacked. Nobody lets me do anything in peace, let alone crying. I literally use the washroom in my room and even my sister comes in there just banging on the door asking me to get the heck out of there and go somewhere else, like can't she use the other two washrooms or what? I like listening to sad stuff and reading angst cause somehow or the other it calms me down... it makes me feel at peace cause I know I'm not the only one who feels like crying. I've got a lot of friends, nobody remembers my birthday, I remember all of theirs'. They don't even text me, It's always me who takes the first step. All my friends just want me by their side cause I'm a smartass they want to show off as a trophy and cause I've got much better sarcasm than them. They just want to benefit from me. That's all. GOD, I'm not pretty at all. I look like a random idiot all the time. I look pathetic. And I lack talent... And you! I warned you, miss! You are pretty, beautiful, talented, smart, friendly, caring, kind and THE BEST!!!

I've never been given attention. Never ever. My sister has always stolen the spotlight. And I hate it. Not even my friends acknowledge me, my parents just ehhhhh. No matter how good I score, No matter how good I behave, No matter what. I'm just never good enough. My parents think of me as a rebellious kid. And I don't know what to do about that. All I've ever done is listen to them. My parents never allowed me to go out and play with my friends when I was a kid, they never let me go on overnight trips, and they barely let me spend time with the few friends I have. They never let me go to outings my school friends planned. Despite that, I never complained. I never had good friends because of that, yet I never complained. A lot of kids my age roam around in shopping malls by themselves, have sleepovers, spend money, roam around with tons of makeup on their faces, are in relationships, and even get into illegal shit. I've never done anything Like that. And yet... I'm never the good kid. I'm still the rebel.

I've got to take care of my sister almost every day. Get her to study, study myself, take care of myself while tolerating my grandmother. I really don't like my grandma, she s very fussy and just keeps yelling around the house the moment my dad and mom leave the house. I've got sensory overload because of her voice. And now I sit and have an anxiety attack almost every time she speaks. I've always got to strive for perfection as well. And I too can't sleep well at night just cause all the worries of the world, keep weighing me down.

Chaotic academia sounds good. It's the same aesthetic my sister got when I asked her to take the test! And oooh! Me too! I love those skirts and outfits they show on Pinterest. I'd love to have them someday.

My dream profession has to be that of a writer. Or perhaps even running a library. just something cozy. Ohh! I'd love to have brown hair, and I'd want to be tall just a little shorter than What I am right now. I just reached my father's height yesterday. And more or less, I'd like the rest to stay just as it is. and perhaps a lighter shade of skin tone. What about you though?

My question for you! If you were to be stranded on a beach island for a week. Who would you bring with you and how would you spend your time there. You can include whatever elements of nature you want to include like forests, lakes, and all.

Sending love, warmth, hugs, and whatever I have to spare that you would like to you!!!!

-Love from Lisette

P.S. That's an interesting family you've got, right there!

#kat the eccentric(indeed)#sweet sweet asks #dear kat #love from lisette #long post

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willddheartt · 4 years

Text

Just Let Me Love You to Death | Randall Carpio

Summary: The where they realize they’re more than friends and have been since day one.

Inspired by: Just Let Me Love You to Death - Chord Overstreet

Word count: 2.9k

Masterlist

I know you're troubled about Changes that are weighing you down When life just ain't fair It's okay to be scared Nobody's that figured out

The weight of your Freshman exams had really been retting to you, spending most of your time locked away in your dorm cramming every last bit of information before your next exam. By the end of the week, you were burnt out and tired. On top of it all, you were beginning to feel like you chose the wrong major and it was far too late to change it.

“I know you’re in there, y/n,” A voice accompanied by knocking came through the door. “You have a key, Randall,” You yelled back, not bothering to get up from your bed to greet him. “Woah,” was the first thing he said upon entering the room, you had pages and papers everywhere. The exam stress wasn’t hard to see. “You look like you need a nap,” Randall said, sitting at the edge of your bed “Nah,” You mumbled, looking at the time on your phone, “Had an energy drink about an hour ago, I’m good,” You shook your head “Your next exam isn’t until next week,” Randall shook his head at you, “I’m sure you can take a small break and come get lunch with me,” His smile was almost enough to make you cave right on the spot, but you convinced yourself that you needed all the time you could get to study for this next exam. Your grade now was almost failing and if you did poorly on the exam you’d definitely fail. “I really have to study,” You shook your head “If you don’t take a break your brain is going to get fried,” Randall sighed, grabbing your notebook and pen from your hands. You almost put up a fight but were too tired. “Get dressed, we’re going to lunch,” He said leaving no room for argument.

“Have you been sleeping?” Randall asked, looking at you with worry from across the table at The Blade and Chalice You shook your head, “No, at least not much,” you rested your head in your hands, “The most I’ve been getting is two, three hours at the most,” The boy shook his head at you, his brows laced together with concern, “That’s not good, you know,” You nodded, “I’m aware,” “Is there anything I can do to help?” Randall asked “It’s just the exams,” You shrugged, “I can’t help the stress,” “You’re going to come over tonight, and take a break from all the notes, and get a decent night’s sleep. I’m not taking no as an answer,” He pointed at you, dark brown eyes looking into yours “Yessir,” You nodded.

And I know a place we can hide Paint our own world full of life Ride off in the sunset Get lost in the moment Even if it's just tonight

You almost forgot how it felt to lounge around, doing nothing for an evening. For the past two weeks, you were cramming and preparing for the upcoming exams and hadn’t given yourself a break once. Although you’d never tell him, you were thankful that Randall pulled you away from your books for the night, it was refreshing to be outside of your dorm for once. He brought you over to the packhouse and set a strictly ‘No Exams’ rule, you couldn’t talk about the exams, and he even took your phone so you couldn’t see if any marks came back. Some might call what he did evil, but he was right, you needed a break.

The late afternoon slipped away into the late-night right before your eyes. You and Randall spent the evening watching movie after movie, one right after another, as you curled up in his queen size bed with him laying right behind you and his laptop set up on a pillow so the both of you could see. You hadn’t realized how sleep deprived you actually had become until you finally passed out, Randall noticed and turned the volume down on his laptop and pulled a blanket over the two of you, his arm finding its way around your waist as he closed his eyes to fall asleep as well. If you would have known the night was going to come to an end so quickly, you would have savoured it a little more. As the bright morning sun woke you up, you rolled over onto your back waking up slowly. Randall was still asleep next to you, his arm lazily slung around you. Seeing him asleep was a rare sight, he always got up before you no matter what, he looked peaceful, and dare you say a little cute. Reading the time on his alarm clock it was only 6:30 AM, you could roll over and go back to sleep for a few more hours. Thanking the gods, you curled into Randall’s side and drifted back to sleep, to truly rest up for the rest of the week. This was the first night in a week that you slept properly.

Baby, sink in this bed Stare with me at the ceiling Let's lay here catching our breath And if we slip away While we're high on the feeling I promise we won't have regrets If you just let me love you to death

Finally, exams were over and you finally felt like you could breathe again. You fell backwards onto the bed, and let out a sigh. “You did it, how do you feel?” Randall asked, sitting at the bottom of his bed. “I never want to do that again,” You laughed as you sat up to face him. “Well it does get easier, at least the stress goes away slightly,” He chuckled, “I remember my freshman year was hell I didn’t study and almost bombed out,” “Randall not studying,” You gasped, “Wow, never heard of it,” He shook his head, “I put in the work over the semester now so I don’t have to cram all exam week, you should take some notes,” Randall smirked “Ugh, no more notes for a while, please,” You cringed, laying down on his bed.

Randall followed your actions, laying down beside you. You both laid on your backs, looking up at the ceiling, your phone was quietly playing shuffled music, almost lulling you to sleep. Subconsciously you slowly inched closer to the boy until your sides were pressed together. When he noticed Randall slipped his arm under your back and pulled you closer so you were resting your head on his chest and his arm now snaked around your waist. “This is nice,” He mumbled “It is,” You nodded, “Can I stay over tonight?” “What, don’t wanna be apart of the dorm parties?” Randall chuckled “Not really,” You shook your head, “I’d much rather chill and sleep,” “Yeah, you can stay,” He smiled “Thanks,” You replied as you kissed his cheek

Just 'cause I ain't one for crowds Don't mean you don't make me proud And I'm a hard pill to take And I'm the first one to say Ain't got it all figured out

As one photo spread around the Belgrave campus, someone caught you and Randall walking just outside of campus one night, the questions arose; were you and Randall Carpio a thing? Simply put, no. You weren’t anything more than friends, at least officially.

You hadn’t seen Randall since the photo started going around, although the school could care less if you were a thing with your R.A. the questions you were sure to get form people if they saw the two of you made you want to hide away in your dorm forever. You pulled the photo up for the millionth time, in the millisecond that had been photographed, you were caught giving his cheek a short kiss as you held hands walking down the street. What everyone didn’t know was that night the two of you were walking around town and a group of creepy douche bags wouldn’t leave you alone, and so, Randall, did what any good friend would do. He played the role of your boyfriend until you got far enough away from the group of guys.

“Come in!” You shouted in response to knocking on your door. “Hey,” Randall said, stepping inside and shutting the door behind himself “Hey,” You replied, glancing up from your notebook quickly to send him a half-smile the looking back down to the paper “Haven’t heard from you in a while, are you alright?” He asked, sounding concerned. “Just with that thing going around I wanted to check on you,” You nodded, “I’ve been great,” You said, coming off more sarcastic than you meant, “Sorry,” You immediately mumbled, looking down.

“I’ve been waiting for this to blow over. It doesn’t matter where I am on campus, someone has to ask the same question I’ve heard a hundred times,” You sighed, leaning back against the headboard of the bed, laying your notebook on your lap. “It’s like they never stop,” Randall nodded sadly, “But it’s nothing about you,” You followed up quickly, seeing how he frowned. “Seems like it,” He mumbled “No,” You shook your head, tossing your notebook on the pillow and leaning forward to pull Randall to sit on the bed, “I’d never be embarrassed or anything like that about being seen with you, Randall,” You said, your hands coming up, instinctively, cupping his face, looking into his soft brown eyes as you spoke. “You’re literally amazing and I really do not deserve to have you as my friend, I’d do anything if you needed me to. I can promise you with every part of my soul that I haven’t been avoiding you because of what’s going around.” You finished “Then why?” He asked You sighed, looking down and breaking eye contact, “I thought you’d want some space while it’s still going around. I didn’t want to be too clingy and annoying, I imagine you’re also getting the same questions about me, as I am you,” He brought his hand up to your chin, forcing you to look at him. “I really don’t care what everyone else is saying about us, y/n. Fuck em,” He mumbled, “They can talk about what they think we are until they’re blue in the face, but at the end of the day we know what we are and that’s all that matters. You’re one of my best friends and I’ve felt lost without you. Hell, let’s give them something to really talk about if you want to,” Randall said, holding your chin up as he spoke. Tears almost came to your eyes, nobody has ever been that committed to your friendship before.

“What do you mean by give them something to talk about?” You asked, trying to stifle a laugh or chuckle in an attempt to hide the way your eyes were beginning to gloss over.

In the moment, posting what you did seemed fun and playful but as you continued to get likes, comments and messages you wanted to delete it and forget it was ever posted. With his phone propped up on a stack of books for a makeshift tripod, you and Randall sat on the edge of your bed looking at each other as he turned his phone on to video. He looked back at you, waiting for you to nod and give the go-ahead. Once you took a breath and nodded, Randall leaned in, his hand coming to the back of your head and your hand coming up to cup his cheek before you knew it his lips were on yours. Connecting in the most butterfly inducing kiss you’ve ever had. He kissed you for longer than you anticipated and when he pulled away to look at the camera you looked down at your lap as you caught your breath. And before either of you had second thoughts he posted it, captioned with the genius, ‘Were just friends!’

While Randall sat back, smiling at his great idea to confuse the entire student body of Belgrave, you laid looking at the ceiling feeling dizzy like the room was spinning around you. Never had you felt like you’d been drugged form a kiss.

You walked around the clearing before the old house, the was the stars sparkled and twinkled in the sky never ceased to amaze you. Just like a little kid you stumbled around the uneven ground looking straight up. Randall followed behind you, grabbing your hands pulling you along with him so you didn’t fall. Tearing your attention away from the darkening sky you looked to Randall, you could see the reflection of the sky and stars in his eyes as he looked down at you. Your hands came to rest behind his head as his rested on your hips. “Dance with me?” You asked with a smile The boy nodded and you started to sway, dancing to the nonexistent music. You got carried away and attempted a waltz, complete with the spins and dips. As you got ready for the final dip Randall’s grip on your hand slipped and it sent you both tumbling onto the soft grass below. You both fell apart in a fit of laughter that died down quickly when you noticed how close you two were.

The sky reflected in both of your eyes, you hoped the stars hid the admiration for him your eyes held, fearing what could happen if he found out how you were beginning to realize you felt. After brushing a piece of hair out of your face and kissing your cheek Randall laid on his back looking up at the almost dark sky. The completely innocent actions sent a blush to your cheeks as you rolled onto your back as well. Once again you felt dizzy like the ground was spinning around you, the only thing that kept you grounded was yours and Randall’s arms pressed together as you laid next to one another in the tall grass, looking up at the sky.

Baby, sink in this bed Stare with me at the ceiling Let's lay here catching our breath Oh, if we slip away While we're high on the feeling I promise we won't have regrets If you just let me love you Just let me love you

“Randall,” You laughed as he pushed you down onto his bed, grabbing onto his shirt as you fell you pulled him on top of you. As he hovered over top of you both of you held your breath, too scared to move thinking the other would move away at the first sign of one small movement. Gently you let go of his shirt and moved your hand up to his neck, following your actions Randall let one of his hands come to your cheek, leaving the other by your shoulder to support his weight above you. “Are you going to do something?” You whispered, not wanting to make the first move. And with that, he leaned in until your lips met in a soft kiss before pulling away slightly until you pulled him back for another, harder, kiss.

You never understood when the books and movie said it felt like fireworks when kissing somebody until now. As you kissed Randall it felt like every nerve ending you had was lit alive, and you became hyper-aware of every little movement either of you made. Your hands tangled in his hair before he pulled away. Your lips parted slightly and your eyelids slowly fluttered open, being met with his dark brown ones. His eyes flickered from yours down to your lips until you leaned up and connected them this time, closing the space between you and pulling him close again. This time Randall flipped you over so you were sitting on his waist and he was leaning against his headboard. He kissed you like you were the last bit of water on earth and he had just spent an eternity in the desert. At that moment you were the only two people on earth, and you didn’t care about the complicated consequences that may come later.

Your lips were red and swollen as you laid next to him. Your hair was messy and his shirt wrinkled, you both laid looking up at the ceiling, painting as you caught your breath. Neither of you could recall if you had breathed at all as you kissed. Your mind still hazy, you weren’t even one hundred percent sure this wasn’t just a very realistic dream.

“Do you regret that?” Randall asked from beside you “No, do you?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper “Not at all,” You could basically hear the smile on his face, in his voice.

“Does this change anything?” You asked after a moment “Do you want it to?” He asked You stared at the ceiling for a moment as thoughts tumbled around in your head, “Yes and no.” You sighed, “I like the way we are now, but I’m not denying anything else,” Randall nodded, “We’re still just us no matter what,” “Just friends who kiss occasionally?” You asked, turning your head to smirk at him “Maybe more than occasionally,” Randall smiled after giving your lips a quick peck

Baby, just let me love you to death

#the order #randall carpio #randall carpio x reader #randall carpio imagine #jack morton #jack morton imagine #jack morton x reader #alyssa drake #alyssa drake imagine #alyssa drake x reader #hamish duke #hamish duke imagine #hamish duke x reader #lilith bathory #lilith bathory imagine #lilith bathory x reader #the order imagine

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jlalafics · 4 years

Note

I’m torn between 7 & 13 so if you’re taking prompts still, you decide which you prefer 🥰

Why not both? ;)

______

7. “I almost lost you.”

13. “Kiss me.”

“Where is he?”

Gale stares at Katniss, resignation in his gaze. He knows that with the return of Peeta, his time with her is over. Truthfully, it was all a mistake; those small caresses…the kisses—and he knows it.

More than once, another voice fell from her lips whenever they were together.

“He’s in there with Haymitch,” he tells her.

Katniss can hear her heart beating in her ears as she approaches the closed door. She doesn’t know what to expect despite the numerous times that she watched him during those interviews with Caesar. Her chest aches recalling the last interview—right before the rescue—the pain in those blue eyes.

Blue eyes that she knows so well from long nights during the Victory Tour…eyes that watched over her in a cold cave…that stared at her emaciated form before throwing her burnt bread to save her family’s life.

Taking a deep breath, Katniss turns the knob, pushing the door open.

Haymitch meets her eyes and she can see relief in those usually burdened greys.

Her mentor approaches her, squeezing her shoulder.

“Be gentle with him,” Haymitch advises quietly. “He seems overwhelmed by everything…and he keeps asking about his family.”

The Mellarks perished with a majority of the citizens of District 12. The remaining people were all shuffled in with District 13 in this underground barracks.

Haymitch reaches the doorway and, with a final nod, closes the door.

Peeta is sitting on the exam table and she can see the heaviness in his shoulders, burdened by weeks of torture at the hands of Snow.

Katniss moves over to his front and approaches him carefully. He looks up at her steps and her breath hitches at the weariness of his eyes.

However, there is something else that she can’t quite catch…

“Peeta,” she breathes out.

He meets her stare, his expression calming at the sight of her. The relief at the look is palpable.

Her arms are suddenly around him, her nose pressing into his skinny shoulder and the rest of her trembling. His own arms wrap carefully around her.

“I..I almost lost you.”

Katniss pulls away, looking him over. Peeta is definitely in need of some weight gain and has obviously been roughed up. She can see that several hours…days of sleep would help because he looks like he could drop from exhaustion at any moment.

His hand reaches to brush away the tears that have unexpectedly filmed in her eyes. “Don’t cry.”

She lets out a laugh, happy to see that her kind Peeta is still in there.

“I must love you a lot,” Peeta continues in a whisper.

“You’ve never really said it,” Katniss replies. “I think that you did show it…more than I ever did.”

“I’m sorry,” he suddenly says.

“Why do you need to be sorry?”

Peeta looks to her shamefully.

“Because I don’t remember having such a pretty wife.”

Her whole body goes cold.

“Peeta, do you know my name?”

“No.” He is crestfallen, his arms encircling his thin frame. “I don’t know it. I’m so sorry!”

Katniss reaches for him, pulling him to her and he rests against her chest.

“It’s alright. We’ll figure it out…together.”

++++++

“The doctors are still running tests,” Haymitch tells her. They’re standing outside of Peeta’s room in the hospital sector. “So far, his MRI’s have come back clear, and his blood tests are fine.”

“He doesn’t remember me.” Katniss looks at the man in the hospital bed who is sitting with Prim. Peeta turns to her and gives her a smile. “He thinks we’re married—”

“Did you tell him that you aren’t?” he retorts. The look on her face brings a chuckle to his lips. “Looks like someone wants to believe it’s real.”

“Not funny, Haymitch.”

“I’ve talked to Johanna and Annie,” he continues, ignoring her ire. “They were all in the same place, though they were taken to another room during questioning. Right before our squad got them, Peeta was taken one last time, that’s possibly when they erased you.”

“Erased?” she repeated.

“I’ve talked to him. He remembers everything about District 12—except for you.”

“Why would Snow do this?”

There are several reasons, of course.

The first being that there would be no reason for Peeta to fight. She was really the only reason that he joined the Careers or volunteered for the Quarter Quell in Haymitch’s place.

The second reason is that Snow is trying to throw her off. He knows that taking Peeta’s memories of her will preoccupy her thoughts and deter her from fighting. She won’t want to leave him for missions—and he’s right, she doesn’t.

And the third, Haymitch says as she bites her lip anxiously.

“Because Snow knows that you would do anything to keep Peeta safe—including turning yourself over to him for a cure if it comes to that.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Katniss confirms.

Because she would do it in a heartbeat.

This is the worst time to realize that she might actually love Peeta Mellark.

++++++

“Why did we get married so quickly?”

The doctors advised Katniss to go along with the story, afraid that opposing the one thing that Peeta seems to believe will trigger a breakdown. Dr. Aurelius, District 13’s resident psychologist, has already met with Peeta once and has concluded that, even though he can’t remember her, Peeta trusts her.

The doctor tells her to go along with it until they’re sure that he’s stronger, mentally and physically.

Peeta has already watched snippets of their first time in the arena as well as the Quarter Quell. On screen, they do look like the Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12, but he has no memory of the scenes playing in front of him. He doesn’t remember the weeks before the Quell was announced when he could barely look at her or her suggestion of getting married during the Victory Tour.

Or his unhappy acceptance when Katniss had brought it up. He wanted it to be real.

Now, she wishes it had been.

“Because we didn’t want to wait,” she answers as they walk along the corridors where the resident barracks are. “We were going into the arena and we were scared of what might happen. So, we decided to have a toasting—”

“Was it nice?”

Katniss smiles. “It was.” She lets her mind wander into what might have happened. “Haymitch and your father were our witnesses at the Justice Building. My mother and Prim made us dinner and your brothers made us a wedding cake.” She swallows down her guilt. “You made our toasting bread.”

“It sounds beautiful.” Peeta stops, his hands going to her shoulders, and she is filled with an inexplicable warmth. “I wish I could remember.” He meets her eyes, concern in his stare. “I saw something else…my interview with Caesar before the Quell—”

He looks down at her abdomen.

“I-I lost it.” She’s practically choking on her lies. “With you gone and the stress after the Quell, it was just too much.”

“You would’ve been a good mother,” he assures her.

The question comes out tightly. “How would you know?”

“I watched the part in the Games with Rue...” Peeta moves closer. So close that she starts to notice things. Like the small scar on his cheek or the slight freckling on his nose. He still smells sweet despite not being anywhere near the Mellark Bakery. “You took care of her.”

“She took care of me,” she replies, swiping at her eyes.

“Prim told me about how you volunteered for her,” he persists. “She says you took care of her, even though you were a kid yourself.”

Katniss doesn’t know how it happens, but she finds herself in his arms as her arms wrap around his own waist.

“Do you know that you saved my life…my family’s life when we were kids?” she says, her cheek against his chest. “You threw a loaf of burnt bread to me. We were starving and that fed my mother so that she could give Prim milk. It fed me after everything ran out in our pantry.”

He rasps at her words. “I bet my mom really enjoyed that.”

“Not really. The next time I saw you, you were sporting a bruise on your face.”

“Sounds about right.” Peeta holds her tightly and she calms in his embrace. “I don’t mind if it meant I kept you alive.”

How could he still care so much about her?

‘Because he doesn’t know who you really are’, a voice inside says.

Katniss closes her eyes, afraid that the truth will come seeping out of her.

“You would have been a good father,” she tells him instead.

++++++

“I’m lying to him, Prim.”

Katniss sits on what used to be her bed. Peeta has been moved out of the hospital sector and they are given a residence of their own. Dr. Aurelius insists that she continues to pretend that they are married, that she continues to act like she loves the man lying next to her in bed.

The tests continue to come out clean, no sign of brain trauma. The doctors can only conclude that it is some sort of conditioning that the Capitol put him through.

“It’s for his own good,” Prim replies pragmatically as she folds her newly laundered uniforms. “I’ve read about cases like his. We need to give him time to settle, then slowly bring him to terms with the truth. If you try to tell him too much, he could regress.”

“You’ve read about this? You’re only fourteen, Prim,” Katniss says. “You’re not supposed to be reading psych cases.”

“Then what I am supposed to be doing?” she questions. “There is a rebellion happening. You are the symbol of it. I need to help in any way I can. If that means working on the medical team to help my brother-in-law, then so be it.”

“I feel guilty, Prim,” Katniss admits softly. “And…I care for him.”

Prim stops mid-fold and looks to her, a small grin on her lips. “Just care?”

“I can’t let it go any further than that,” she tells her. “The guilt would kill me. I also think about everything that we went through before that. The Peeta I remember was so angry at me for pretending it was real, yet he still forgave me. He wouldn’t forgive me for this.”

Prim sits down next to her. “May I suggest something?” Katniss nods. “Start clean.”

“What do you mean?”

“You two get a chance to start anew,” her sister says. “Become his friend…maybe more if it works out like that. I think that this might be good for your relationship.”

“What relationship? We don’t know anything about each other,” Katniss scoffs.

Prim looks to her, a slight smile on her lips. “Exactly.”

++++++

Peeta and Katniss sit together in the mess hall at a table away from everyone else.

However, not one to be deterred, Johanna joins them, sitting uncomfortably close to Peeta.

Katniss glares at the woman who cackles at her expression.

“We’re friends, Mrs. Mellark. We had cells near one another in the Capitol.”

Peeta looks to Katniss, reaching underneath the table to take her hand and give it a squeeze. She calms down immediately, taking a deep breath, and stretching her mouth into a semblance of a smile.

“You’re always welcome to sit with us,” she says through clenched teeth.

Johanna smirks. “Thank you.” She puts an arm around Peeta’s shoulder. “So did the wife give you a proper welcome home?”

Katniss could feel the heat on her face. Everyone had been advised to pretend that she and Peeta are married, for the sake of his mental health. Johanna was one of those who opposed to the idea though after a talk with the medical team, she finally agreed to the charade.

It didn’t mean that she would allow Katniss to get away with it so easily.

“Johanna,” Peeta starts calmly. “It’s only been a month since we’ve been rescued, and Katniss is busy with her missions. We’re not…ready.”

“We’re starting with a clean slate,” Katniss adds.

Annie and Finnick join them, trays in their grasp. However, as they sit down, they join hands using each of their free ones to pick at their meals. Katniss can’t help but feel a little envious of their closeness. She’s never thought about how it feels to be so connected to someone and there’s something inside that hungers for it.

‘Him! He could give you what you need!’, that voice inside her screams.

“But you sleep in the same bed, right?” Johanna questions.

She says it just as Gale and Prim join them.

Prim sits next to her sister, while her grey-eyed friend chooses the spot across.

Katniss can’t bring herself to look at Gale; if she did, she would probably see him glaring or pouting—both would be equally annoying.

“Yes,” she chokes out. “What of it?”

“I’m surprised that Coin hasn’t demanded a little Rebellion baby,” she taunts. “Aren’t we all just part of this little plan of hers? We were rescued…and Katniss does those stupid little propos…what better way than to start a new generation of District 13 soldiers for her cause?”

Katniss stands up, slamming her tray on the metal table in anger. “Stop!”

Johanna merely smirks and for a second, Katniss envisions herself stabbing the woman with her fork.

Instead, she turns to Peeta. “I’m going to our room. Take your time.”

He nods, taking her hand to kiss the top of it as he glares at Johanna.

Turning away, Katniss rushes towards the nearest exit corridor. Why did she let Johanna get to her? She can usually take the woman’s biting words—

“Katniss.”

She turns to see Gale slowing down in front of her.

“It was uncalled for—what Johanna was saying. This lie though—you being Peeta’s wife and being in love with him? How is it going to feel when he finally knows the truth?”

“Don’t you think that I worry about that every time I’m with him?”

Katniss steps towards her friend and can see the longing still there in his eyes. However, the depth of her feelings for Gale aren’t even close to what she feels for Peeta.

“It kills me to know that he could just go right back to hating me! Especially since I’m in—”

Gale steps back, pain in his eyes. “Shit Katniss, did you feel anything for me?”

She straightens herself before meeting his stare.

“Not the way you wanted.”

++++++

Katniss and Peeta lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, unable to look at one another.

When she returned to their room, she took a quick nap before meeting with Coin. The silver-haired woman had quickly checked-in about Peeta before announcing that Katniss would be taking a trip to District 8 to their hospital.

Peeta would stay as he was deemed not ready.

He is there when she returns, apologizing for Johanna’s crassness. Katniss holds him tight, the conversation lingering in her mind.

They haven’t been—she cringes at the word—intimate.

It seemed a lot easier when they were fearing for their lives for them to just kiss.

Now they share a room and a bed, and it feels like they’re a million miles apart.

“I’m going to District 8 tomorrow,” she says suddenly. “Coin wants me to visit their hospital.”

Peeta shifts, looking to her. “Will you promise to be safe?”

She turns to meet his eyes. “Would you believe me if I did?”

He laughs wryly and Katniss shifts to lay her head on his chest.

“Probably not. My wife has a penchant for running into dangerous situations.”

“You had a tendency to follow me,” she retorts.

“Obviously, I’m an idiot,” Peeta tells her. “Why would I follow a beautiful woman into a deathtrap?” He presses a kiss to the top of her head. “Oh, now I remember…”

Katniss turns her head, her chin on his chest. “What do you remember?”

“Nothing really. I just imagine that I would’ve followed the woman I love anywhere.”

She nods, stamping down her disappointment. “Oh.”

“You sound upset,” Peeta says. He sits up, resting back against the wall and she follows. “I know that this is hard on you. I’m not the husband that you had—”

“No!” Biting her lip anxiously, Katniss tries to find her words. “I guess I’m just reeling from Johanna’s words. Somehow, she always knows how to hit you where it hurts.”

“I’ve wanted to kiss you,” he admits. “I just didn’t know if you’d let me.”

“Um…you’re my husband. Why wouldn’t I want you to?”

They inch closer together.

When they look to one another, they’re only a lean-in away from a kiss.

So, Katniss leans in—

Peeta suddenly draws back, his face going white.

Ow, that hurt.

She gives him a shaky smile. “You aren’t ready—”

“No! Something happened to me, like my body instinctively just pulled away!” Peeta is panicked, his blue eyes pleading with her to understand. “There is nothing I want more than to kiss you.”

Katniss nods. “Let me try.”

Her hands reached to his face and, taking a breath, she dips her mouth towards his—

The pain is electric, and she draws back, her fingers going to her lips. “Ow!”

“Are you okay?” Peeta reaches to take her hand away from her mouth. “What happened?”

Katniss frowns. “It hurt.” The sensation still lingers on her lips like a slow spreading flame. “We should go to the medical ward.”

“It’s late,” Peeta replies. “You have a mission tomorrow and you need to rest.”

“Why aren’t you worried about this?” she demands to know.

Her husband chuckles. His blue eyes glowing at the sight of her all agitated.

“Because there are other places that I can kiss you,” he answers.

Peeta brushes his lips against her forehead and there is no instinct to push away.

She, however, feels the kiss all the way to her toes.

“See? We’re in the safe zone.”

He continues down to her cheeks, smacking each one with a loud smack that causes her to laugh. Then, his lips are on her jaw…in the crook of her neck and she moans when he nips her earlobe. She never realized how that one spot could cause her whole body to uncoil.

“Should I keep going?” Peeta asks, his voice husky. “Will you allow it?”

There’s still a little bit of the old him in there; the one that remembers her.

Her hand reaches to the bottom of her shirt, pulling it over her head eagerly. “Yes.”

He kisses his way down until she is crying out his name, his face between her thighs.

Katniss sleeps soundly until her alarm sounds and she must regretfully leave her husband with a kiss to his bare shoulder.

++++++

Katniss finds herself shaking horribly—or is it the hovercraft?

Boggs is sitting next to her, his dark eyes staring at her in concern.

“Katniss, there was nothing you could have done,” he tells her.

“I shouldn’t have gone,” she replies tonelessly. “It was the perfect countermove to get the rest of Panem to hate me.”

“Your message to the citizens counteracts that,” Cressida assures her from her seat, across from Katniss. She had been introduced to the woman during a previous mission along with her assistant Messalla and her two cameramen, Castor and Pollux. “Remember that people out there still believe in you.”

“Those people are dead.” She hangs her head between her legs. “I can still see them in front of me…”

Everyone goes silent as Katniss draws in her breaths, trying to keep her thoughts intact. Her eyes go briefly to Gale, who has not said one word to her.

They aren’t friends anymore. They’re comrades—and she finds that it doesn’t sting like she expected it to.

The hovercraft enters District 13 and she is eager to leave, bouncing in her seat.

They have made a full stop and she jumps from her seat as the ramp lowers—

Peeta is waiting for her, along with Haymitch and a stoic Coin.

However, Katniss sees only him, and she is running down the ramp until she is in his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist.

He presses kisses to the top of her head…her forehead…her cheeks…that one area behind her ear that causes her to come undone—

“Ahem.”

They turn to see Coin watching them, a calculating look on her face. Haymitch smirks seeing Katniss’ very public show of affection while Boggs look on in amusement. Cressida’s team is to the side as she directs them on the best shot of ‘The Star-Crossed Lovers’.

Gale stands back before heading towards the barracks, but not before getting a gentle pat to his shoulder by Coin.

“I’m so sorry about the hospital,” Peeta says, his eyes trained on her. “When Haymitch told me that there was an attack…I thought I lost you.”

“I’m here,” she breathes against his shoulder.

“I’m glad that you’re back safely, Katniss,” Coin suddenly says as she approaches them. “I’m sorry to hear about the losses.” She looks between herself and Peeta. “I’ve talked to the medical team and I feel that Peeta is ready to join you when you go to the Capitol.”

Katniss looks to the woman incredulously. “Are you sure?”

“Snow believes that he holds the cards because of what he’s done to Peeta,” Coin continues. “Seeing you two together will show him and the Capitol that you two have overcome. That, despite him erasing Peeta’s memories, he is still the enemy.”

“Peeta isn’t ready,” she insists.

“Well, it’s not your call,” the women tells her. “You and your husband will be ready in two days to travel to the Capitol.”

Coin turns, exciting the landing area, without even looking back.

“Katniss…” She turns to Peeta at his call. “I don’t want to be here without you. Waiting here after hearing about District 8—it was the worst feeling in the world. Even worse than realizing that Snow erased you from my mind.”

“Also, we’ve talked to the doctors about what happened to you two…last night,” Haymitch suddenly says. “Peeta didn’t want to wait on finding out and it kept him distracted after you left.”

“And what did they say?” Katniss asks eagerly.

“Let’s go to your room and we can talk over their theory,” their mentor suggests, looking around. “Away from the cameras.”

++++++

“I explained what happened to the medical team as well as to Dr. Aurelius,” Peeta starts as soon as they are back in their room. “I told them about my negative body reaction as well as what happened when you attempted to kiss me.”

“I should also tell you that Dr. Aurelius feels it isn’t in your best interest to mention this to Coin,” Haymitch interjects.

It just confirms Katniss’ distrust of the woman; there is something not quite right and instinctually she has had her guard up.

“They believe that your kiss is probably a trigger,” Peeta says with a sigh.

“I don’t understand.”

“It means that, if we were to kiss, it could trigger some sort of psychological reaction,” he tells her, his eyes full of pain. “And no one knows if it will be a positive or negative one.”

She looks to him. “What do they mean by negative reaction?”

“A couple of things they suggested were that I could become violent towards you, even attempt to kill you, or my memory is completely wiped out. Not just of you, but of my whole life. I could possibly become incapacitated, just a shell of a person.”

This can’t be possible, but she pushes forward.

“And, the positive reactions?”

“I could get my full memory back,” Peeta continues. “Or, there is no change, whatsoever.”

“So, we have one good reaction, one neutral, and too many negatives,” Katniss concludes. She shakes her head. “No. We’re not taking that chance.”

“I told you she wouldn’t be happy,” Haymitch says.

She turns to glare at the man. “Can you please give us some privacy?”

“Don’t kill the messenger…or the guy who went with the messenger,” Haymitch mutters. “Keep me posted, you two.” He pats Katniss’ shoulder. “I’m sorry about District 8.”

He leaves them alone to contemplate Peeta’s news.

“I know that this is scary to hear,” Peeta tells her. “The odds aren’t in my favor.”

She glares at him. “But…?”

“I think it’s a chance that I need to take.”

Katniss stands up, turning away from him.

“Please don’t make this harder than it already is.” His arms wrap around her, his chest pressing into her back. “What if it unlocks something important?”

“And, what if it doesn’t?” She turns to him, almost pleading for him to change his mind. “What if you become violent, or you lose all of your memory? What if you become a vegetable?” Her eyes shut, imprisoning the tears threatening to escape. “I couldn’t take it, Peeta! I couldn’t…”

Peeta embraces her, kissing the top of her head.

“If I was any of those things, would you abandon me?”

“Never,” she says into the crook of his neck.

“Then, I will be alright,” he assures her.

“Why do you have to be so stubborn?” Katniss wipes her nose against his shirt. “That’s supposed to be my job.”

“I guess I learned from the best.” Peeta gazes at her tenderly. “We have to go on this mission in two days and I can’t be the weak link. If something were to happen because of me, I couldn’t live with myself. I need to do this…because we lost a lot of people…I lost my whole family because of Snow.”

“You have me!” she persists. “Am I not enough?”

“More than enough!” he replies, his voice raised. “Our children, Katniss! Do you want our children to be born during a war?”

“And, if we never get that chance?” Katniss’ voice breaks and she can’t believe what she’s about to say. “What if something happens to you and our children have no father?”

“Why are we even talking about this right now?” Peeta suddenly asks her. “Do you want to try to get pregnant?” A smirk rises on his lips. “I mean, it’s been how long since—”

She stares at him in confusion—is this man seriously trying to suggest sex in the middle of an argument?

Katniss sighs.

Doctors be damned.

“I need to tell you something,” she tells him. “And it will likely change your mind about children. It will change your mind about me.”

Katniss sits down on their bed, patting the spot next to her.

Peeta joins her, taking her hands in his. “What is it?”

“We aren’t married, Peeta,” she confesses, feeling the weight of truth lift off her shoulders. “In fact, we weren’t even really a couple. You see, in the first Games we were in…”

Katniss goes on to explain how Haymitch told her to capitalize on the whole ‘Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12’ idea and how it would save their lives due to their popularity. How she convinced the world that she was in love with him and that Peeta had loved her back—until he realized the ruse. How he had been angry at her before the Victory Tour and then how they subsequently tried to form a partnership.

She told him how she had suggested that get married because it would convince Snow that their relationship was genuine.

Katniss can’t bring herself to look at him as she continues onto the Quarter Quell. She stammers through explaining the kiss on the beach.

“It was the first time I really ever wanted something…and someone.” Katniss looks up to find his eyes on her, his expression unreadable. “Then we were separated, and you were taken to the Capitol. I was brought here.”

“Why would you lie about being married to me?” he asks gruffly.

“When you saw me, you thought I was your wife,” she replies helplessly. “And I didn’t disagree with you. Then, the medical team and Dr. Aurelius decided that we should keep letting you believe that it was true. We didn’t want to risk you possibly having some sort of breakdown.”

“If we never found out about this trigger, were you going to just keep lying to me?”

“I don’t know.” She swallows the lump in her throat. “I’d like to think that—one day, when this is all over—that I would tell you. Because you deserve nothing but the truth.”

They lapse into a silence, the weight of her words filling the air around them.

Katniss knows that she’s lost him.

However, he was never hers to begin with.

“I have one more question.” She looks to him, waiting for anger. “When all is said and done, do you still love me?”

“I thought we just talked about this. It was all for show—the relationship, the marriage, the baby—"

“Bullshit.” Peeta chuckles wryly. “I watched those snippets when it was just us and you can’t fake emotion like that. I can tell when you’re lying. Even now—” His hand reaches to cup her the back of her head so he can look at her straight on. “I can say for certain that you feel something for me. It’s all there—in your eyes.”

“I do.” It comes out in a gasp. “I think I’ve loved you for a long time and I’ll keep loving you after all of this.”

They fall into each other’s embrace, kissing every inch of exposed skin.

Katniss cries against his shoulder, knowing that there isn’t going to be a discussion on what needs to happen.

Peeta has already made his choice.

His hands cup her cheeks and he presses one last kiss to her forehead, his eyes glistening with love…and fear…and hope…

‘Till death do us part’, she promises to herself.

“Katniss,” he whispers, his mouth inching towards hers. “Kiss me.”

So, she does.

FIN.

*I’m going to run and hide now.

#rosegardeninwinter #Everlark Fanfiction #Everlark #In District 13 Everlark #Mockingjay AU

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cloudyjoongie · 5 years

Text

Keeper of My Heart ( Boyfriend Jeong Yunho Imagine) FLUFF+ANGST+MOSTLY FLUFF

Hello, I am back and unfortunately, burnt out. It is only the beginning of the semester and I completely found myself having to juggle through five classes of school work (If you are a college student, I don’t recommend this) and my job. I haven’t had a great night’s sleep considering the circumstances nor days off. I’ve deleted most of social media accs and this was the only time I have had access and given myself time to let my mind just relax through this next imagine. I know I promised a Yunho imagine and I apologize for the delay. But here it is now.

If you are a struggling college student as I am, or even someone who is an unhealthy ‘booked and busy’ workaholic, you need this Yunho in your life. And please, give yourself enough time to rest through it all, but don’t quit. You can do this, whoever you are. You will see your light at the end of the tunnel (I wish that light was Ateez huhu).

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Song Recommendation: CHILDDIAHN(차일디안) — Will You Be My Weekend (Feat. G. Nine) (Prod. KOLLOFF)

The days accompany you like oxygen. The day is for work and nights are also, well, for work. Caffeine has been a close friend at this point as you constantly glue yourself to your desk, consisting of nothing else but book over books and the continuously sickening blue light emitting from your laptop. You were tired, but there was no way sleep could get in between this; not even a nap. If you were in a 5k run, you were almost way ahead of the game than the people who were normally at the average pace. Yes, a workaholic you are, and you knew of the consequences that your body will face, but one or two sleepless nights will not matter in the long run of establishing your career. All these hard work is of great importance than you are, says your ego.

But along with your ignorance, Yunho saw that you were at the brink. He has kept a close eye on you even in days when you rejected a date or even a video call with him.

“Baby, I need to study for this exam before I go in for work.” That was all Yunho heard at the other end of the line.

At this point, even if Yunho craved for your joyous attention after all the stress that he, too, has been going through, he does not matter when he should be looking out for your health more. What kind of boyfriend would he be for not looking out for the woman he loved? The woman who is more accompanied with excessive workload than of comfort?

It was something he most loved and most hated about you: Independence. He loved that you carried yourself like the strong woman you are. It was the reason he fell for you other than the first time he saw your beauty. But if that same independence that you carried will be your downfall, then it was time for him to come into the scene.

So that night, your train of thought was ultimately disturbed when you opened the door to find a hooded man at your doorstep with grocery bags and a smile on his face. This left you confused.

“Yunho, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be asleep for promotions right now?”

“Noona, promotions was done a long time ago. And besides, may I remind you that you have a boyfriend too?”, You smiled.

“I know, but I have to-”

“Study. I know. But study can wait. Jeong Yunho can’t.” And with that, he comes in to your room and there, he saw so much coffee cups and empty bags of chips laying on the ground. This was enough for Yunho to know that not only did you have not time for him, but you were rejecting yourself as well. Once again, you sat on your desk which defeated the purpose of Yunho coming there to bond with you.

So while you were busy on your own planet, Yunho cleaned up your place. Unbeknownst to you, Yunho was controlling himself not to burst, knowing full well in the back of his mind how important your college work was to you.

To clear the atmosphere, Yunho heated up two ramen bowls for you had the little table set for the two of you to eat. The aroma from the noodles called out to you so bad, but couldn’t bring yourself to budge.

“Noona, food is ready.”

“Go ahead, love. I’m still on this thing.”

“C’mon Noona. We have not had a date in so long. I’d love that we could do it tonight over ramen.”, you turned around with obvious irritation across your face.

“Yunho, I appreciate this a lot but my school work can’t do itself. So if you could, please go ahead without me. I will be fine.” Yunho’s eyes went slightly dark.

“I have been doing that the whole time.”, Yunho scoffed.

“Then you shouldn’t have come in the first place.” Your words came out without thought and with that, Yunho threw his chopsticks across the room. Still trying to find enough patience through controlling his breathing as he was about to get his point across the woman whose shoulder hung at her desk.

“You know what, Y/N, I have had it with staying silent and tolerating this. You have been so stubborn this past few weeks and not even to me, but yourself to. You can’t admit to yourself that you are at the brink of all this work. You can’t even admit it to me because of your godforsaken ego.” His words echoed in the room as you try as much as you can to ignore his words.

“But you know what, I don’t care anymore.", He says a little softer this time. "I don’t care about your college work, your due dates, and exams, and whatever else is occupying your time. It’s my turn to have a say in this and I am so tired. I am tired of you not looking out for yourself when that was the best thing I loved about you. You can’t even give yourself atleast a good night’s sleep. I am tired of not being able to reach out to you because you won’t let me. That is why I am here.”

You fought back the tears.

“Baby, I am tired too. I know what it is like to stress out, not having the time for yourself. Physically and mentally weak but you have to put up by having the best smile. I know what it is like. That’s why I have days and nights when I craved for your attention but you, you can’t even leave your desk and no one will stop you. I need you so much and I know you do too. But right now, I know you can do good without me, heck, you’re already great at pretending I don’t exist in your life. I miss the girl who would encourage me not to quit for anything, but if that same girl is also in need of the same help, I would gladly give my whole dedication and self to her. Because I love her so much. But she just won’t accept me because she thinks she is better off on her own.” Tears began falling from your cheeks. They also began falling from his.

“So, you choose. If you still want me in your life, if you think you are good on your own and if you no longer need me. Just say the word, I would walk out that door right now even if it will be hard for me to do so. Anyone would walk out on you right now but me, I want it to be your choice because if it were up to me, there is still hope but I’m leaving it up to you now.”

Silence filled the room. dreadfully silent and from there, Yunho knew your silence was a yes. You were always good at keeping the noise at bay if it meant that you needed to get your stuff across. It hurts for him to walk away but he was no longer needed in your space. But as Yunho was about to stand up, you started to sniffle and cry silent but loud enough for him to hear. You shook so hard and had your hands entangle in your hair. You turned from your desk with hands on your face, wet and glossy from the unending tears that came falling down. Yunho’s heart softens from the sight, that the woman he knew who was strong was now vulnerable. And there, you got up from your desk for the first time and sat on his lap as he enveloped you in the tightest and gentle way when his arms wrap around you. You kept crying as your tears fell to his hoodie, savoring the smell you missed so much and the comfort you found in his warmth.

“Baby, please don’t leave me.” You told him. and He reassures you. “I am so sorry for not being there. I am sorry for not giving you time when you needed it. You could have left me and yet you’re still here.”

“Ssh, I won’t ever leave you. not now, not ever. You are the most important person in my life right now and I love you so much. I love you too much to walk away from you. I understand you have a lot on your plate right now but I just hate that you are not taking care of yourself. You are the smartest and most hardworking person I know, but you have to learn how to rest without quitting, love. I would hate myself if something bad ever happened to you.”

"I'm so so tired. I'm stressed out and I know that you see it too. I just feel like I don't have time for anything else. That's all I know now. I'm exhausted, Yunho."

"I know, love. I know you are." He says as draws circles on your back to calm down. He kept you there till your demons are hushed and calmed down. This was the first time in a long time you both held each other so close. And once you have calmes down, you rose your head to face him with a smile on your face. And there it was, the smile that Yunho needed to ease his stress away. The girl he fell in love with and will always fall for.

“I am so goddamn lucky to have you in my life, Jeong Yunho. I don’t deserve you.I love you so much, please don’t forget that.” Yunho smiles at you and leans his forehead over yours.

“Of course you deserve me. I love you more, Y/N, always.” And with that, he angles his head as his lips closes in with yours, inhaling his exhale and vise versa. Your hands tangled with his hair and his hands tightened around your waist. your bodies became one at last after so long. Yunho lets go, leaving you breathless and slightly frustrated.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too for yelling. I don't know what came at me."

“I missed you.”

“I missed you so much more.” You both smiled. Yunho breaks the silence.

“Now, why don’t we have a nice meal before the soup gets cold and before I square up with your desk for taking my girlfriend away from me.” You laughed and there, the two of you sat in content with the just the company of each other, not letting anything else come between the both of you even just tonight.

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now, I want a Yunho boyfriend wth. i cry.

#ateez imagines #ateez fluff #jeong yunho #yunho imagines #yunho x reader #ateez atiny #yunho #ateez scenarios #ateez yunho

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