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ahundredtimesover · 2 years

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we need a please love me argument or something drabble from after they got married and confessed their love for each other!!11!

Hi, they're back! Just a reminder to think of OC's personality bc this is already a 'fight' for her hehe. I don't know how this is bc I'm not in my best form but I still hope you enjoy 🥰

Title: Please Love Me Bonus 07 - The Fight

WC: 14,953

Tags/Warnings: angst; mentions of pregnancy; hospital setting/talks of illness that might be inaccurate (I just based some off my own experience)

Series Masterlist

It started small.

It was a fleeting moment that you barely missed it - one exhale and you felt that knot in your chest that once was familiar. You brushed it off, not thinking much of it. It wasn’t the first time, yet all those other times, once was enough and it didn’t happen again.

But this time wasn’t like that; this time, you felt it once, then another time, then another, the long intervals between knots getting shorter and shorter.

You try to even out your breathing, grounding yourself so you can listen more to what your body is saying, to what your heart is saying. It starts to work as you count the seconds and the minutes because it starts to go away. It may have taken a lot longer, but just like those other times, this one ends, too.

You’re unable to process what just happened as your phone rings, your husband’s sigh greeting you on the other end.

“Hey, Kook. Everything okay?”

“No. One of the associates gave me wrong figures and I overlooked some elements for my presentation tomorrow,” he groans. “I was gonna stay up late in the office but I’m too pissed off. Are you still at the studio? Can I pick you up?”

“Yeah, I’m just working on my last design,” you reply, already packing up. “And sure. I can call your favorite Japanese restaurant and we can pick up the food on the way home. Is that okay?”

“Yes please. That’s what I really need right now. And you. Be there in 15.”

“I’ll see you, hun. And chin up, you’ll be okay.”

He hums his goodbye and you feel the tiredness from his voice, and the earlier ache in your chest is now replaced by worry for your husband.

Jungkook rarely lets the toxicity of his job affect him, so hearing him frustrated is something you’re not used to. You feel for him, as the new project he’s taken on is a big one, and you just know he wants nothing more than to prove himself to his family this once. He’s begun having bigger responsibilities after all, and he’s said as much that he wants to step away from his brother’s shadow and be his own self, show that he’s just as capable and can get things done his way, too.

A small smile tugs on your face, knowing that a good meal and some encouragement from you might do the trick. You call the restaurant and head outside once he messages that he’s nearby.

Mr. Yu, the chauffeur, stops the car and Jungkook exits, enveloping you in a hug and mumbling his hi. He doesn’t even give you time to properly greet him back, as his body curls into yours and you feel him exhale - a deep one, as if he’s been holding onto his breath the whole day.

“Hi,” you smile, kissing his nose. “The food will be ready in a while. Let’s pick it up and we can talk, okay?”

Jungkook nods and leads you inside, immediately taking your hand like it’s his lifeline. He asks you about your day first and you narrate how it went - ocular of a hall you’ll be designing and then art class for the kids in the afternoon. Then he talks about his - the tense meeting with the staff member who gave him outdated information, the conversation with his father about the expectations for this upcoming project, and having to skip lunch to help his Japan team troubleshoot something.

“I’m exhausted and my head has been hurting all day but I’ve got so much to do,” he exhales deeply before falling into your lap, your hand reflexively combing his long locks that has him moaning at your touch.

“Hmm. And how much coffee have you had today?”

“Five cups,” he answers with his eyes closed, his breathing steadying now as you start to massage his temples.

“That’s 3 cups too much, hun,” you say softly; he said he’d regulate his caffeine intake and you know he’s been trying.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he sighs. “It’s just been tough, but this is nice. Let’s eat then I can work in the dining room while you watch Masterchef or something?”

You hum your yes, saying you’ve actually got some design studies to work on so you can both work together downstairs.

And that’s what happens as you put away your dirty plates after dinner and settle in your respective spots. Jungkook likes to work with you around when he’s at home, only staying in his office off your bedroom when he’s pulling an all-nighter. Having you close calms him down, he’s always said, as your soothing voice and presence give him the most comfort, even if it’s just a quick look at your expression as you watch TV or your sweet laughter or your tender words.

“You look serious there, babe,” he looks over at you from the dining table. “You’ll get wrinkles if you frown too much.”

“I can’t find the right art piece for this one wall,” you groan. “This is gonna keep me up.”

“Maybe you just need to sleep on it. I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” he comforts.

“Hmm, maybe,” you say, your body slowly giving up as it yearns for the bed, chest pains already forgotten. “Join me?”

You walk towards him and sit on his lap as he asks you to, your arms wrapping around his neck.

“Probably in 2 hours or so. I wanna get this presentation finished tonight,” he pouts, apologetic.

“Okay. I’ll wash up and go to bed. Rest soon, okay?”

He holds you a little longer for his goodnight kiss, tickling you before letting you go.

You walk to your room and fall asleep right away, suddenly feeling as if you’d run a marathon today when your body hits the bed. It seems to have been happening more frequently, though - feeling incredibly tired at the end of the day, whether you had a full-packed schedule or a light one. You went to a boutique store yesterday and painted at home then felt dizzy and faint by the evening.

It’s 4 hours later when you suddenly wake up, a mix of that knot on your chest and shortness of breath almost jerking you off the bed. But you catch yourself, turning to the side to see if you’d somehow disturbed Jungkook’s sleep, but you’re surprised to find he’s not there. You see light coming from the office and your husband’s mumbling, and so you get up and walk over to him.

“Kook, it’s past 2,” you stand by the door and sleepily call out to him. “Come to bed.”

“Baby, what are you doing up?” He turns to you with a frown, his long locks almost covering the glasses over his eyes.

“Just woke up. It’s hard to sleep without you,” you frown back.

“Sorry. I’m finishing up already,” he turns again towards his laptop.

“You can do that tomorrow. Just wake up early but sleep now. You’ve had a long day, come on.”

With you standing behind him and your arms around his neck, you pepper his cheeks with kisses to further convince him, knowing you need to shower him with affection so he’d listen to you.

And it works, as he chuckles and turns his laptop off. He heads to the bathroom to wash up while you lay in bed facing his side as you regulate your breathing again, feeling the tightness subside with every set of breaths.

He lies down next to you and kisses your lips before you turn around so your back faces him, his arms enveloping you, with him pulling you as close as he possibly can. Jungkook buries his head in your neck and finds his peace there.

“It’s hard to sleep without this, too,” he hums. “Love you. See you in my dreams.”

It started small, like it always does.

A pinch in the muscle - one, two, three seconds longer than usual; one, two, three instances more than what you’ve been having. You try to take a breath, knowing it’s what’s always worked, but it doesn’t this time. This time, your chest feels tight, too, like something is keeping you from breathing, like you’re gasping for air in the large space of the art studio.

“Hey, do you need some help to pack up?” The teacher for the next class asks; you can already hear the giggles of her little students not far away.

You try to pick up your tools from the desk but your hands and arms feel numb. This will take time, you think, so you smile at her and nod, letting her put away some of the palettes that your kids have left behind. You walk slowly, unable to fully feel your legs, too, and that’s when you start to panic.

“Everything okay?” She looks at you worriedly. “You look a little pale.”

“Oh? Just tired, I guess,” you fake a smile. “I’ll just, uh…”

“Rest, ___. You’ve been working hard on your project and your exhibition. You don’t want all that to catch up to you.”

Too late, you tell yourself, as the helplessness that once was familiar starts to overtake you. You just nod and assure her, then fortunately manage to walk out the street for fresh air and take some medicine. You’re relieved that those at least work, lessening the pain that you’re feeling.

But you know you’re not out of the woods yet, and so you raise your arm to hail a cab, thankful that the hospital is only a 15-minute drive away.

You settle in the backseat, ready to dial Jungkook’s number when you read the text he’d sent an hour ago - I don’t know why I’m so nervous, babe. I’ve barely eaten anything all day. But thanks. I’ll let you know how it goes.

You’d messaged him earlier, wishing him well for his presentation today, and you know how much this means to him. He’s worked so hard on this; it’s a big project and the directors have got their eyes on him. There’s no way you’ll add to the stress that he’s been experiencing for the last few weeks.

It’s a little past 2 and he’s set to present a quarter before 3. His palms are probably already sweating as he dries them on his shaking legs. He’s never been nervous for any of soccer matches even when he was a teenager, but you’d understand if this is the one thing that’s making him lose his cool a little bit; he may never directly say it but you know he just wants to impress the big bosses, and that includes his father and yours.

You decide against calling him for now. Your breathing has evened out already, and you still think it’s just one of those moments and there’s nothing to worry about. You were always told that this could still happen, after all, but that doesn’t necessarily mean a relapse. It happened a few years ago and all you did was have a change in medication and all was fine after. Like then, this may as well be just a minor thing that you can easily get over on your own. You’ll call Jungkook after you know more about what’s happening to you, knowing he’ll be asking anyway, and not giving him an answer immediately will just scare him.

The emergency room has less people than you expected, although you can say you’re probably the calmest out of all the patients there. Given, you’re in one piece and not puking your guts out so you believe you’re fine, but the attending physician doesn’t seem convinced, as you narrate what you’re feeling.

“Your heartbeat is irregular and your blood pressure is quite low,” she informs you after doing the basics. She looks through your record and confirms your condition. “No relapse since your surgery 15 years ago,” she reads. “No reported abnormalities, no alarming findings… but these are still from last year.”

“Yes, I’m due for my annual check up in 2 months,” you say, as you sit on the hospital bed.

“Well, seems like you’re due now,” she hums, excusing herself to make a call then returning to you. “Dr. Kwon is just finishing with surgery so he’ll see you after, but I’ll have you run some tests already. We’ll call you for x-ray in a while. We’ll take blood samples as well just to be sure.”

You nod, suddenly feeling nervous. These tests are routinary for you at this point; you take it every year every time you have your check-up, the one you’ve been having since the surgery that corrected your heart over a decade ago.

But you’ve never had to come back to the hospital out of your usual schedule ever since you fully recovered. Because any pain you’d felt since then was never serious; it never lingered, it never left you feeling breathless or numb. It never got you feeling weak, and it definitely never had you feel this anxious because it had never hurt this way.

It’s 3:30 by the time you finish filling up all the forms, and though you know nothing more than an irregular heartbeat and low blood pressure, you decide to send Jungkook a text to let him know where you are, knowing his presentation would be done by now. But right as you’re about to, the technician calls your name for the x-ray, and it’s not until several minutes later when you get your phone back and decide to just give him a call.

He doesn’t pick up after the third try, so you go for your next option and call Junghyun, as he knows that you only ever call when something is up.

“Hey, ___. You okay?” He answers.

“Hi. Is Jungkook still presenting?” Your voice quivers.

“He’s done but he’s somewhere in front answering questions,” Junghyun responds.

“Did he do well?” You ask, wanting to know.

“He was really nervous but everyone was impressed,” the older man smiles. “Were you the one calling him? He left his phone in his seat and I saw it light up.”

“Yeah, I, uh… Once he’s free, can you just let him know that I’m in the ER? My chest felt tight and—”

“You’re what?” He almost yells, his voice in a panic. “What happened? How are you feeling now?”

“I’m fine… I think,” you sigh. “It was just chest pains. I’ll see Dr. Kwon in a while then I’ll know more.”

“Fuck, okay. Who’s with you?”

“Just me.”

There’s a pause in the other end. “What are you doing now?”

“Waiting for the next tests. Can you, uh, can you let Jungkook know once he’s done there?”

“I’m telling him now, ___. You’re in the emergency room and he needs to be there with you.”

“Okay,” your voice shrivels, not used to Junghyun’s authoritative tone. “I’m being called for my ECG. I’ll, uh, I’ll be waiting for him.”

Junghyun drops the call and returns to the conference room. He immediately walks to his brother and whispers what you’d said.

Jungkook’s eyes widen in shock, worry and distress painting them. He quickly excuses himself and runs out the door, leaving the older man to explain to their father and yours what had happened, both of whom panic as well and make calls.

It’s another red light that Jungkook beats, and he makes it to the hospital in 15 minutes, almost half of the usual time it takes to get there from his office. He asks around the ER where you are, and he’s directed to a room where he finds you lying in bed, looking perfectly normal, save for your furrowed brows as you seem to be answering messages on your phone.

“Baby!” He exclaims, rushing towards you and taking you in his arms. “What happened? What hurts?”

“Hey, honey,” you look up at him and smile nervously. “I’m fine, I just…”

“Babe, you can’t be fine when you’re here. Your check-up isn’t due in 2 months. What… what brought you here?”

“I was, uh, I was having—”

“___,” the familiar voice of Dr. Kwon calls out for you, prompting you to turn to him. “I wish I could say I’m happy to see you before our scheduled check-up, but it’s never a good thing seeing a patient here before I’m supposed to.”

“Hi,” you smile, returning his hug. “I suppose it isn’t. But I didn’t know what to do. It was getting too painful.”

“Tell me what happened,” he instructs.

And so you do, telling him of the times you’d experienced this since your last meeting, and how it had hurt too much earlier, forcing you to come here. Jungkook holds your hand the entire time, and you’re immersed in your narration that you miss the way his jaws clench and unclench as he listens to your stories.

Clearly this isn’t the first time it’s happened, although it’s the first time that he’s hearing about it. It seems like you’ve been experiencing this and chose not to tell him.

“What do you think may have triggered it?” Dr. Kwon asks.

“I don’t really know,” you shrug. “I mean, I’ve sort of been doing the same things - working at the firm, doing my own pieces, teaching art classes… just focused on my regular job.”

“Looks like it’s 2 jobs too many,” he responds, his eyebrow arching the way that doctors do when they catch you doing something you shouldn’t.

“I rest and exercise and take my medication,” you counter. “All the work is fine. It’s an imperfect heart we’re working with, you know?” You giggle, trying to diffuse the tension.

Dr. Kwon just shakes his head and returns to his records. “So you’ve got the x-ray and ECG done. You’ll have blood tests after this then we can do the 2D echo in the evening after I schedule it. I’ll need you to be confined for the other tests.”

“What other tests? Can’t I come back tomorrow and do them then?” You ask, not really keen on spending the night at the hospital.

“It’ll be easier to monitor you from here, especially since the pain seems recurring. But I’ll schedule the stress test and MRI tomorrow morning so you can go home right after,” he responds. “Better ask someone to pack you and your husband some clothes. I’ll have the nurse pick you up to bring you to your room; just wait here.”

You nod as Jungkook lets go of your hand.

“You’ve had 2 tests done already? What time did you get here?” He asks, his voice low and disappointed.

“Around 2:30,” you respond casually.

Jungkook feels his own heart rate shoot up. It’s 4PM, and he’s sure it was just half an hour ago when his brother had cut off their discussions to tell him that you’d called about your whereabouts. The fact that you didn’t call him - your husband - much earlier is making him incredibly upset. He wants to ask you why you’d delayed it, why you’ve been keeping all this from him, when you planned on telling him if it didn’t get this bad.

But knowing you, you’d pick up on this, and he doesn’t want to add to you feeling any more pain that you apparently have been experiencing, so he takes a breath and lets things go for now, and he just nods.

He gazes at you looking pale and nervous, and he tries to think of how you may be feeling - back in the hospital when you’d believed everything was already okay.

“Baby,” he says, cupping your face so you’d look at him. “We have to believe that things are fine, alright? That this isn’t serious. Worrying too much might make things worse.”

They’re things he doesn’t fully believe in himself. He doesn’t know what’s going on. He never experienced this with you; he hadn’t even known about your condition until 3 years ago, and he doesn’t know how you are when you’re in pain and what you need him to do or be for you. But he has to put aside his own concerns because this is about you, and the only thing he knows to be right now is strong so you can take that strength from him, too.

You smile, much more genuinely than you did earlier, and Jungkook thinks it’s a good first step.

“I’ll be okay, hun. Sorry I pulled you out of your meeting. Junghyun said that you did well, though,” you say, pulling him into a hug, your arms finally wrapping around his waist while his envelopes around yours.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t really matter. You were here in pain while I was doing my presentation when I could’ve been with you,” he replies, trying to temper his voice. “I could’ve screwed up or completely missed it for all I care.”

“Nonsense, Kook,” you turn to him again. “You’ve been working so hard on that. I managed to get here on my own.”

You rest your head on his torso, not seeing his hardened and helpless face at how you casually dismiss what you’re experiencing and talk about his work like it’s all that matters when you’re the one in the hospital right now.

You still should’ve called, he wants so badly to say. I would’ve come here right away. But he decides against it. He was never good at bottling his feelings; he supposes he needs to learn that from you. He does it anyway, knowing that this isn’t the time nor place to get mad at you for it.

“Kook, can you be the one to talk to my mother?” You ask, giving him your phone. “She’s been calling and I’m too dizzy to rehash everything.”

“Okay, I will,” he responds, guiding you to lay on the bed and letting you take a nap first.

He calls your mother, then his, then your brother and sister, and then Nari and Yeji. There are so many people to update about your status but he pushes through it, despite the same words of you experiencing pain and needing to be monitored for the night becoming harder and harder for him to say.

“She seems fine, just looks tired as of now,” Jungkook informs each one. “We’ll know more tomorrow.”

They’ll drop by in the evening, they all say, and he’s thankful that there’ll at least be distractions, and he won’t have to be with you alone for long. He supposes that’s better, otherwise he’ll be tempted to push for answers on why you kept all this from him.

He calls Mr. Yu and Mrs. Na and instructs them to prepare your clothes for your stay and bring them over to the hospital. “Please buy a box of macarons on your way here,” he tells the chauffeur. “And her chamomile tea as well.”

Jungkook sits on the chair next to you and watches you take your nap. He sees you take deep breaths and he can sense your struggle, causing him to worry once more. You catch yourself and jerk awake.

“Was it hurting again?” He asks.

“A little,” you respond, raising yourself up off the bed.

“Just keep breathing. Here, drink some water.”

You follow as he says, and that’s when the nurse arrives and informs you that the VIP room is ready. You’re led there by wheelchair - an all too familiar scene - and Jungkook helps you lie down on the bed. The nurse takes blood samples and informs you of the scheduled test in 2 hours then leaves you right after.

“Tell me about your presentation,” you urge your husband. “What did they say?”

Work is the last thing that Jungkook wants to be talking about right now. He hates thinking about being in that room while you were here and all alone. You smile tenderly, as if you really want to know what took place, so he forces himself to think about it.

“That the project proposal was well-designed and well-thought out. I set out the plans and the entire process and got to show the expected outcomes and return of investment,” he explains. “They said it was sound and profitable, and that they were surprised I pulled it off on my own.”

“It’s silly that they still doubt you,” you frown. “Of course you’d pull it off. You’re innovative and incredibly hardworking, honey. They should know that by now.”

“Nah, I'm used to it,” he shrugs. “They’d take every chance they get to remind me that I’m not my brother.”

“And you aren’t, because you’re your own self with your strengths and own conviction. And don’t tell Junghyun, but you’re definitely funnier.”

Jungkook manages to chuckle a little, and your smile grows at the sound. “That last bit is definitely true,” he hums. “Thanks, babe. Though I didn’t mean to be so down.”

“Not at all. I just wanted to remind you of how good you are,” you comfort him, reaching out your hand that he takes. You sit up and pull him close. “You’re so good at so many things. Remember that.”

You cup his cheeks and kiss his lips, something you realize you haven’t done since he got here. It’s slow and gentle, which is exactly what you need after a scary experience; all you’ve been wanting is his touch and the comfort you get from being close to him.

Jungkook indulges you, kissing you back with just as much tenderness, and you smile against him, knowing that whatever happens, you have him next to you. And as long as he is, there’s nothing to be afraid of.

The knock on the door pulls you both apart, and you hear the familiar voices of both your parents and siblings who all hug you one by one.

A flurry of questions about how you’re feeling and what will happen next overwhelm you but you should’ve expected this; no one really thought you’d be back here after all these years.

Shortly after, your friends arrive and you have to say the same things, and you fumble for Jungkook’s hand next to you to keep you stable.

You dislike this part - the one where everyone is worried and no answer or assurance from you would be enough, and you hate that they have to go through that anxiety of not knowing as well. But you just smile through it and downplay the pain.

“It’s probably nothing; it’s more like a precaution thing, you know?” You reason. “I’m fine. Please, don’t worry too much.”

You mask the desperation with your smile, and you’re almost glad that Dr. Kwon enters and informs you that the nurses will start prepping you for your 2D echo.

“Mr. and Mrs. Kim,” he greets. “Not so great to see both of you.”

“Likewise,” your parents chuckle. “It’s never a good thing being back here, huh? But what happened? Why is she experiencing this so suddenly?”

“Well, your daughter did say that the chest pains have been recurring,” he responds.

“They have?” Your parents frown at you.

“They weren’t that bad,” you reason. “I mean, they weren’t painful to warrant a visit.”

“But this time it was,” Seokjin crosses his arms, looking disappointed. “And to the emergency room at that.”

“I didn’t faint or anything,” you reason. “Look, I’m fine now. It’s probably just stress. ”

“___, what did I say about stress? You’re not just like anyone who can experience it and then be fine. It’s not that simple,” Dr. Kwon warns.

“I know,” you whisper, feeling like that 13-year old child again who felt helpless when she was first told of the many things she couldn’t do despite having a normally functioning heart already. You’d like to think you’ve followed all the rules since then; it’s just lately when you’ve been more brave and wanting to do more.

“But is she going to be okay?” Soyeon asks this time.

“I suppose. The test results aren’t alarming and it seems it’s still bearable, but we’ll know more tomorrow,” he responds. “For now, she just needs to rest and take things easy.”

Everyone nods in agreement. The door opens with the nurses taking you away to be prepped. Jungkook kisses your forehead and tells you to just push through it and that it will be fine; you always said you disliked the pain from this specific test.

Back in the room, Jungkook feels light-headed. Perhaps he’s still reeling over seeing you on a hospital bed, being wheeled out and leaving him behind to wonder how much pain you’re in or how your heart looks like. Maybe it’s being in the room with your family and friends and all their questions that he doesn’t have answers to. He thinks it’s this new experience for him - this kind of fear that he’s never experienced before. It’s probably all of those, so he excuses himself to buy some snacks in the store just to get out of there.

Seokjin promptly follows his brother-in-law. “I want some snacks, too,” he responds after the younger man looks at him questioningly.

They walk in silence for a while before Seokjin asks. “Did you know about the other times?”

“No,” Jungkook almost whispers, his hands in his pockets as he mindlessly walks down the hallway. “She also only called earlier after 2 tests were done. I feel so fucking useless.”

“Hey, you aren’t, okay?” Seokjin sighs.

“If I wasn’t then I should’ve known about all the other times, and I could’ve convinced her to get checked earlier. Then she wouldn’t have needed to come here like this; then it wouldn’t have been this painful,” Jungkook responds, his voice more helpless now.

“Kook, you wouldn’t have known if she hadn’t told you. You’re not together 24/7. I love my sister but sometimes she tends to brush things off like that, thinking that the short-term burden of her sickness will just go away. But not this time. We just have to believe it’s not serious.”

Jungkook just nods, all the thoughts screaming at him and he just wants to lay next to you but also be away from you because how could you keep something like this from him.

There aren’t any more words exchanged, but Seokjin stays with his brother-in-law as they buy snacks and walk towards the wing where you are, probably currently squirming in pain as your chest is being pressed to get that image of your heart.

It’s some time later when they hear Dr. Kwon’s voice, calling for them.

“Jungkook,” he says. “It’s not surgery. You don’t have to be waiting here.” There’s a soft smile on his face, however, so that calms the younger man down a little.

“Just wanted to immediately know how she is,” he responds. “___ said she doesn’t like this test.”

“Ah, yeah she doesn’t,” Dr. Kwon chuckles. “She would pout her way out of even if she knows it won’t work. She did say she wished you were there with her though, holding her hand.”

“But what did you see?” Seokjin asks.

“A tired heart,” Dr. Kwon replies. “I honestly hope that’s all, but I’ll have to look through all the test results to be sure that there isn’t anything else.”

Your husband and brother sigh in relief.

“But keep an eye on her, okay?” The doctor tells Jungkook. “She mentioned feeling pain when she’s asleep so watch out for that. She just needs to breathe and be soothed. The tests tomorrow will tell me more but I can already tell you that she needs to rest.”

“I’ll make sure of that,” Jungkook responds, his eyes softening at the sight of you smiling when you see him.

“You were waiting for me?” You ask.

Jungkook only nods but your brother responds, “everyone was so noisy in the room so we walked around. And got some snacks.”

You smile at them as they walk with you while being wheeled away to your room. You enter and sense the aroma of beef bone soup, and Minhyuk grins proudly at your satisfied face.

“You always said that hospital food didn’t excite you,” he says.

You express your thanks and the nurse announces your need to rest after dinner, prompting everyone to decide on leaving already.

Seokjin, who’d earlier sensed your husband’s own stress, whispers to him. “Just hold it in for now, okay? She’ll be alright.”

As the last parson leaves, Jungkook sits next to you on the bed and you both eat the delicious meal. He surprises you with the dessert he had bought and prepares your tea as you like to take before sleeping.

“Thank you, Kook,” you exclaim, kissing his cheek. “I’ll just wash up so we can both rest.”

“Do you need help?”

“I’m fine, I can do it in my own,” you assure him, disappearing into the bathroom.

Left alone for awhile, Jungkook takes to heart what your brother had advised him - hold it in for now. Knowing that you tend to absorb your husband’s own emotions - as you’d said once that it’s natural for you, that it’s how you get to empathize with him - he does as he’s told. He holds it in - the disappointment, the sadness, the doubt… and tells himself that this is about you and what’s best for you right now.

You finish up and he helps you in bed, then he washes himself, exiting the bathroom in his shirt and pajama pants.

“Do you want me to sleep next to you?” He asks. “You always said it’s hard to sleep without me.”

He gives the idea, knowing that it’s the only way for him to know if you feel pain while in slumber. He doesn’t think he trusts you in telling him otherwise.

“Yes, can you?” You ask excitedly.

“I guess? It’s a big bed. I’m sure we’ll fit.”

So he scoots in next to you as you give him space, and you immediately wrap your arms around his torso as he wraps one around your shoulder. He supports himself against the headboard with his other arm behind his head.

He lets you listen to his heartbeat, confident that they’re perfectly normal, as if he isn’t buzzing deep inside.

“So how was your day going before all this happened?” He asks to eliminate the silence that’s suddenly feeling awkward for him.

“I was just at the studio,” you respond, snuggling next to him and enjoying the comfort of his warm body. “I got to finish a design study and then had class with the kids.”

“Did it start hurting then?”

“Hmm, right after, just when I was fixing up,” you say, slowly dozing off.

Having your class schedule memorized because it’s your favorite thing to talk about, Jungkook knows what time that was, and he knows you could’ve informed him then if you wanted. But you didn’t.

“So you just came here on your own?”

“Yeah,” you hum. “I hailed a cab. It’s a good thing that the hospital’s just near the studio.”

What if it wasn’t, he thinks. What if you were driving when it happened? What if there were no available cabs and it took long for you to get here? What if you were somewhere else where no one knew you? What if something worse had happened, and then he wouldn’t have known it at all because you waited so long to call him?

“Why didn’t you call me?” He manages to ask.

Somehow he has an idea of what you’ll say. You’ve only been married awhile but he knows enough about your courteousness, how you don’t like to burden other people, how you always put others before yourself. You’d developed that attitude because you don’t like being fussed over; you dislike having others worry about you. He noticed it earlier when you took his hand and held onto it tightly as your loved ones asked how you were feeling. And so he knows what’s coming next. He just didn’t think it would hurt and anger him this much.

“You were busy with work, Kook,” you mumble, and he knows you’re about to fall asleep. “Felt like I could manage and I did.”

What if you didn’t, he thinks again. What if it was someone else who’d called him? What would he do then?

“Sorry,” you add. “Just didn’t want to worry you.”

He hears you take a long breath and the succeeding low snores let him know you’ve fallen asleep. It’s been a long day for you, after all.

It’s been a long one for him, too. But unlike you, he’s filled with too many emotions to fall asleep. And contrary to what you wanted, he’s worrying even more. He’s worried about your condition. And he’s worried about himself.

Hold it in for now, Seokjin had told him.

Jungkook will try. But he doesn’t know for how long he can, and he doesn’t know how he’ll deal with you - how you’ll deal with it - once he’s unable to keep it in anymore.

Jungkook didn’t get a wink of sleep. Other than being unable to because he wanted to make sure that he’d be awake should you feel any sort of pain, he also couldn’t help but think about what you’d said.

In your few years of being married, you’d had small and brief arguments, mostly stemming from how incredibly different you both deal with emotions and conflict.

You tend to be unnecessarily courteous at times and too patient. You also prefer to let tension fade rather than addressing it, so more than half the time, any negative emotions you have are kept in and rarely ever mentioned. You don’t hold grudges, though, and you easily forgive, unlike Jungkook who’s always very transparent about what he feels. He talks about things, and he always talks about them with you, whether it’s about you or something else.

Despite all this, your little misunderstandings never escalated. They never really lasted, because more than half the time, he’s the one crawling next to you, hugging you tightly and saying that he doesn’t care whose fault it is, just that he wants to be okay again. He admits that a lot of times, it’s on him. He gets too emotional, too proud, too shortsighted, and unable to let things go. But right now, he doesn’t care if he’s all of that. He’ll feel what he’s feeling; he just won’t be able to express it fully.

The knock on the door puts him out of his thoughts. The nurse enters and Jungkook has to wake you for your MRI and stress test today.

“You’ll be okay to wait here?” You ask, as you watch him from the bathroom door.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Just think about what you’ll do this morning. Don’t worry about me,” he says dryly.

“Okay, I’ll see you after.”

You’re wheeled out and Jungkook allows himself to fall asleep. He’s still exhausted from preparing for his presentation yesterday, and he’s dealing with too many thoughts in his head about you, about both of you, and an hour or so of slumber is what he needs.

He’s awoken by a phone call over an hour later, and he’s reminded that he failed to inform his team that he won’t be going to the office today. Perks of being the CEO’s son, he tells himself, but he also can’t bring himself to think about work and the project that he has to fine tune for immediate implementation.

All he can think about is you. And despite feeling anger and hurt, he also just wants you to feel okay. He hopes that deal that your parents made with the universe when you were born - the one where they asked to keep you alive and they’ll give you a life you’ll be happy with in return - holds up for the longest it possibly can. Regardless of what he feels about you, he also knows that seeing you smile can make him forget about his own pain.

And that’s what happens, albeit temporarily, when you return to the room and see a breakfast spread prepared for you, one that Jungkook had asked Mr. Yu to buy.

You smell the carnations that’s come with your meal and your face lights up.

“Where did you get this, Kook?”

“There’s a flower shop in the other building,” he responds. “Thought that can make you feel better.”

“Of course,” you say, walking towards him where he’s seated on the day bed. “But you’re also here and that's really all I need.”

Then why didn’t you ask me to come earlier, the question rings in his head. But he lets it stay there. For all the times that he’d willingly and easily put you first, he didn’t think that holding all his emotions in for your sake would be the hardest.

He hugs you back then lets you rest your head on his shoulders as you talk about the tests and that you have 2 hours before Dr. Kwon can meet you for the results and diagnosis.

You and Jungkook use the time to eat, take a shower, and pack your things. It’s not long after when you’re in your cardiologist’s clinic where he explains your condition.

“As I suspected, your heart is overworking,” he says. “Fortunately, the tests show no holes, no enlargement, or any other complications.”

You breathe a sigh of relief and take Jungkook’s hand. You didn’t want to be thinking of the worst and this is definitely not it. It had hurt so much yesterday that you were almost sure there was something severely wrong again, but this is actually welcome news. At least it’s something you know; it’s something that you can deal with, and it’s something you can easily address.

“What’s causing it?” Jungkook asks.

“Stress, perhaps. And lack of sleep,” the doctor answers, turning to you. “I know you’re eating well and exercising, but there’s still so much you’re doing. All that mental and physical and emotional exhaustion pushes your heart to overwork, to pump blood more than it’s capable of doing.”

“What does this mean, then?” Your husband asks once more. “I mean, what should she do? Will it get worse? How can we prevent this from happening again?”

“She should rest. And I mean, rest.” Dr. Kwon glares at you to emphasize his point. “Take a few days off from work, do some very light exercise, and have a change in medication. It will only get worse if she doesn’t let her heart breathe, if she doesn’t let it take its time to do its job properly. I know it sounds simple but that’s really it; there’s no shortcut to it. It’s just something to be done consistently.”

“Okay,” you hum. “I can take the week off. I can just turn over my design studies at the firm and then get back to it after. And the kids will understand if I don’t see them this weekend. My exhibition also isn’t in 3 months so I have time to get back to my pieces.”

“___, I don’t mean to rest for just this week,” he responds. “You’re gonna have to rethink all the work that you’re doing because it’s too much for you, and this isn’t me telling you what you can or can’t do. Your heart is functioning normally, but it’s still relatively weak, weaker than a normal one’s. Sure, there are things you can do now that you couldn’t before but being perpetually stressed isn’t one of them, okay? And I feel that as long as you’re doing all those things at the same time, you’ll always be at risk.”

“So you’re telling me that I have to let one of those go?” You look up at him, feeling heartbroken that you’re gonna have to give up one of the things that’s been giving you so much joy.

“It’s more practical than cutting off your time in all those. It’s still work, ___. As long as you’re doing all of them, you’re gonna keep spending time on them, and you won’t even notice it.”

You sigh, knowing he’s right. You do so much on a normal day; work doesn’t end even on the weekends. It just doesn’t feel that way because you get to do it at home and you manage your own schedule and you genuinely enjoy it, but you have been feeling the exhaustion all over your body. You know there’s more to lose if you don’t follow his orders.

“Okay then. The next exhibition will be my last for a while,” you announce, deciding right then.

“Are you sure, babe?” Jungkook asks, surprised. He thought for sure that that would be the last thing you’ll let go. “Don’t you have invitations in Paris and Mexico?”

“I can pass,” you smile faintly. “I’ve still got commissions that I’ll spread out. I’m sure the patrons will understand. There’s this big project at the firm that I’m so excited to do and I can’t abandon my team. And the kids…” you sigh, “I love them too much. They take my stress away so I can’t let go of the art classes that I teach.”

“But you’ve been waiting for the shows, too,” Jungkook reminds you. “Those are huge and not easy to get invited to.”

“I know but there’s gonna be another time,” you say. “And if there isn’t, then that’s fine. I can always paint, Kook, even when I’m gray and old. But all the other things? I can still manage them. I wanna help my team, I wanna teach the kids… those things matter more.”

Other people always matter more, Jungkook tells himself. Your art is what you’ve loved your whole life, he knows that much.

“It’s really up to you, but it’s good that you’ve thought about it already,” Dr. Kwon says. “You just really need to stabilize your heart for now. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“I will,” you smile at him. “And uh, I just want to ask. This won’t affect any future pregnancies, right?”

You nibble your lips, and Jungkook can see the nervousness in your eyes.

“Not unless it’s immediate. Are you both—”

“No,” you interject. “I mean, if it happens then it does but we aren’t really… uh,” you turn to your husband, knowing that despite the last conversation you had about this months ago, you’re still unsure of how comfortable or open he is talking about this. “We haven’t planned everything out yet. But I just wanted to make sure that this whole… overworking heart thing isn’t going to risk me and our future baby. I don’t… I don’t know how I’ll handle a complication.”

“Your condition will always be a factor but you’re not in any more risk than you were before this incident,” Dr. Kwon assures you. “You don’t have to give up everything. But just always consult and make sure you rest. That's really all I can tell you.”

“I’d give it all up when I’m pregnant if I need to,” you giggle, missing the way Jungkook’s gaze saddens at your words.

Clearly that desire hasn’t waned, and the worry on your face at the thought of what this scare could mean to your future family - one that he’s still not able to give you - says a lot. But that scares him, too. Would you be open about your struggles once you’re pregnant unlike what you’re being now? Would you be honest and open? Would you let him carry your burden with you?

“Well, I guess that’s it, then,” Dr. Kwon announces, handing you the prescription of your new medication. “I’ll see you again in 2 months for your regular check-up.”

You bid your goodbye and head out, taking Jungkook’s hand as you walk to pay the bills. He doesn’t say much, merely humming to your musings the whole time - when you head to the car, on the way home, and when he decides to take an afternoon nap.

That night, after you both had food delivered for dinner and have washed up, you wait for him in bed as he sends emails to his staff. You kiss him goodnight and turn your back towards him, ready for his tight hug and his nuzzle on your neck. But he doesn’t.

He merely gently lays his hand on your hip and doesn’t pull you close. He doesn’t kiss your shoulders nor tell you he loves you or that he’ll see you in his dreams like he always does.

There’s silence where there shouldn’t be, and you slowly fall asleep to drown out the worried thoughts in your head. Maybe he’s just tired, you reason to yourself. Maybe he’s still processing what just happened. Either way, it’s just tonight, and you know your husband - he’d never been able to resist you. And you let that comfort you. Tomorrow, things will be back to normal. Tomorrow, you’ll wake up and fall asleep in his arms again.

The mid-morning sun peeking through the blinds provides you with much needed warmth that you’d missed last night. There was no arm wrapped around you, no hot breath on your neck or soft lips on your skin. It felt cold, even with the blanket covering your body, and you have half a mind to go to Jungkook’s office for that morning kiss that you didn’t get and which usually wakes you a little everyday.

But to your surprise, you hear his voice, deep and low as he gives instructions to whoever it is he’s speaking to. You get off the bed and find him in his office nook, in an online meeting with his team. As it looks, he probably decided on working from home to look after you.

You know that he has to iron out details of the new project and delegate tasks to his team. Those from the Busan and Daegu offices have to be briefed, too, and you can just imagine how much is on his plate yet he’s home because of you. Sighing, you turn around to head to the bathroom when his voice stops you.

“___? Everything okay?”

You look at him and see that he’s turned off his video, his questioning eyes greeting you.

“Yeah, just feeling a bit bad that you have to be home when you should be out there with your team,” you share. There’s a small, selfish part of you that’s glad that you get to spend time with him, though it’s not something that you say.

Jungkook shrugs. “We can manage. Are you feeling better? No pain or anything?”

“Better, yes. And no, no pain,” you reply. “Have you eaten?”

“Yeah,” he responds. “I asked Mrs. Na to stay over for the next few days since I’ll be working from home and I won’t be able to cook for you. She’s downstairs so just tell her what you want.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll go there, then,” you say dryly. You wish he could join you but then again, he’s working from home; he’s not on a break or anything.

“Just call me if you start to feel anything different.”

You nod and quickly wash up before heading to the kitchen for breakfast, chatting with Mrs. Na. It’s been a while since you’ve caught up with her, the woman who looked after you growing up.

That whole morning, Jungkook heads downstairs twice only, both times to grab coffee and ask you if you’re feeling okay. You are, and much as you want to tell him not to worry, you want him to seek you out. It seems as if that’s the only time he’s interested in speaking to you, anyway. He’s worked from home a few times and just like when he pulls all-nighters, he’d always insisted on having you close by.

Not today, though. Ironically, it seems as if he’s home to keep you at a distance. That night, he sleeps late, and so do you. You wait for him to come to bed, ready for even his slightest touch to assure you that he’s here. He does come to bed at 2AM, but the touch doesn’t come. You take a peak over your shoulder and there he is, on his side of the bed, with his back turned against you.

Jungkook insists on seeing your families that weekend - Saturday with yours and Sunday with his. Being out of the house to feel the fresh air seems quite the experience. You’ve only been cooped up in your house for a few days but you already feel like suffocating, even more with your husband’s passiveness towards you.

Just as he continued to work at home, so did his minimal conversations with you and absence of affection. He’s kissed your hand a few times and it was only because you were cupping his cheek, but he doesn’t do more, doesn’t say more. You’ve come to expect nothing from him, if you’re being honest.

You watch from the kitchen of Junghyun’s home as Jungkook speaks to Yeri, massaging his temples, and your sister-in-law, a doctor, seems to be instructing him on what to do and what to take, scribbling something on a pad and giving it to him.

You reckon that his headache hasn’t gone away, but you wouldn’t know how painful it is because there’s nothing about him now that he’s sharing. He used to pout at you to tend to a small paper cut but somehow, he just can’t bring himself to tell you how he’s feeling and where it hurts.

“You holding up okay?” Junghyun interrupts your thoughts.

“For the most part, yeah,” you respond, glancing at your husband again who’s now laid his head on the couch, his eyes closed shut.

“And the other part?” Junghyun cocks an eyebrow.

“Just worried about how stressed Jungkook is,” you sigh. “I wish he’ll give himself time to rest. He barely sleeps. I… I don’t feel him close, especially at night.”

“Well, the project is at its planning stages and he’s managing all the teams from home,” the older man explains. “And then there’s you.”

“Me, the burden,” you sigh, hating the thought.

The older man is familiar with your musings. It’s why you didn’t want people knowing about your condition; it’s why you didn’t want Jungkook to know. You always despised being someone’s baggage, and right now, Junghyun thinks it’s what you feel.

“You really scared him, you know?” He nudges your shoulder to get your attention back that’s focused on your husband. “He’s experienced a car accident, getting lost in a cave, skydiving… yet he’s never been more scared than finding out that you were in the hospital. He looked even more helpless that he wasn’t there with you. And as his brother, I was afraid of how he was gonna take it. You know how he is.”

“Exactly. He worries a lot. Too much sometimes,” you agree.

“As he should, especially since you don’t. Or at least, since you don’t show it.”

With your silence, he knows he’s right.

“You were scared, too, weren’t you?” He asks this time.

You nod, fighting back the tears. “I’d forgotten how it used to hurt. I kept thinking that it was gonna subside, you know? That it was gonna go away right away but it didn’t. And I just didn’t want him to worry too much. I didn’t want him to be scared because I was. I didn’t want him to carry that with him if there was a chance that it really was nothing. I don’t like seeing him helpless, Junghyun. I don’t like seeing him feel like he’s not enough to make it not hurt.”

“I don’t think that’s something you can control, ___. You’re his weakness. There’s nothing that scares or hurts him more than your fears and your pain. That’s kind of what love is, you know?” Junghyun continues. “That’s part of being married. And when you have children, you’ll learn that it’s part of being parents, too. You can’t be the only one carrying it all. That’s what having a partner is all about. It isn’t just you. And it isn’t just about you.”

Jungkook wakes up from the nap he didn’t realize he’s taken and finds you, wrapped in his brother’s arms who seems to be whispering something in your ear as well. He can sense it’s another one of those comforting things that Junghyun’s always given you, and while Jungkook has long accepted that special friendship you share with the man you look up to, it doesn’t take away the small bit of envy over the fact that you trust Junghyun, that you let yourself be honest with him.

It’s an accepted fact by everyone, including Seokjin who knows that his overprotective tendencies compared to Junghyun’s calm nature have led you to open up to the latter one more.

But for Jungkook to see you get comfort from someone else who isn’t him and be hurt by it makes him feel hypocritical, especially since he’s been distancing himself from you, too. He only checks up on you just so he won’t lose his mind, but he doesn’t know anything else.

Are you scared or worried? How bored are you at home? What do you wish to do? Is there a place you want to go to? Do you miss his touch as much as he misses yours? Does it hurt you to be close to him as much as it hurts him? Do you feel angry and disappointed like he is?

Jungkook wouldn’t know. He also doesn’t know how he can love someone so much yet feel so powerless, so useless, so hurt by them. Your love always made him better, but he didn’t think it would ever let him down like this.

It’s not pure jealousy he feels when you finally pull away and smile at Junghyun. It’s a mix of emotions, really. Jungkook wants to comfort you but he feels upset. He misses you but he doesn’t want to say anything that would hurt you. He wants to be the one you run to but he can’t bring himself to be close to you. He wants you to feel his love but he doesn’t know how to show it.

You meet his eyes as you turn towards the living room, but Jungkook looks away. He busies himself on his phone and keeps to himself during dinner. He holds your hand during the car ride home when you reach for him and then lets you lay his arm on your waist when you both sleep that night, with your back against his chest while he feels you still so far away.

He doesn’t get to sleep much just like every night. He worries you’d feel pain again. Somehow he wants to be alert enough to know you’re still breathing; he needs the sound of your soft snores to assure him that you’re alive, that you’re still next to him despite his unwillingness to be close.

Is this what love is like behind closed doors? He’d been surrounded by his family and yours and only seen the happy parts of it. When it came to Jungkook’s past relationships, he broke it off after the first fight because he didn’t think it was love if it hurt or made him angry like that.

But now there’s you, and even if he feels every possible negative emotion out there, all he thinks about is just how much he loves you. All he knows is that he can’t live without you. But right now, he also can’t deny that he’s upset.

Maybe love is like this, he thinks. Once the honeymoon phase has lapsed, your differences surface, and you have to learn how to navigate it all without losing yourself and the other person, without drowning in the depths of both of your shortcomings, and then coming out the other side still intact and willing to learn and grow.

Monday comes and you wake up to the sound of keyboard typing once again. Jungkook hasn’t been going to the office despite needing to physically meet the teams who’ll be working on the project, and you hate that he feels like he has to babysit you even if you’re perfectly capable of looking after yourself. Mrs. Na is home; you don’t want Jungkook to have to give up even more than he needs to.

You don’t bring it up though, not wanting to interrupt him during his incredibly busy day, as he goes from one meeting to another. It’s the next day when you wake up to the same scene that you finally suggest going back to work.

“Hun, you can go to the office, you know?” You say sleepily as you stand by the door. “I’m sure it’ll be easier to manage everything from there. I’m fine here, I promise.”

He turns towards you as he types on his phone. “And if you aren’t, would you call me?” He looks at you pointedly. “Will you let me know this time?”

They don’t seem like rhetorical questions, but they’re not something you want to answer, given the hint of bitterness in them. Jungkook says it blankly, almost devoid of emotions that it shakes you because of how unfamiliar he sounds.

You don’t answer, and he faces his laptop to continue with his work. “I’m fine here,” he repeats your words. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

You let the next 2 days pass while slowly retreating into yourself. You’re bored out of your mind but you can’t do anything remotely productive or entertaining. Much as you can sneak in time to paint, there’s no thought or inspiration that’s pushing you to create something. The TV shows suddenly seem boring without Jungkook to talk about them with, and even your books can’t keep your attention long enough past one chapter.

It doesn’t help that you can hear your husband’s frustrated groans as he gets off a phone call or as he types away. His raised voice echoes from his small office down to the living room. You want to let him rest, relieve him in some way, or comfort him like you used to do, but you don’t think any of those would be welcome. He’s told you enough with the absence of his touch that he doesn’t want any of that.

If you’re being honest with yourself, you don’t think he wants you right now either.

Jungkook surprisingly goes to bed early that evening, and he’s tucked under the covers by the time you lay next to him after a warm bath.

“You feeling alright?” He asks with his eyes still closed, as he feels the dip on the mattress.

“Yeah,” you muster enough energy to respond.

“Okay,” he hums, turning to his side away from you again and by now, you’d be surprised if he didn’t.

You turn on your side, too, content on just imagining his soft smile and the sparkle in his eyes when he speaks to you. Those have gone away somehow, and there’s a twitch in your heart that’s not caused by overworking; it’s caused by the feeling of distance you didn’t think you’d ever feel with the man you’d promised to love your whole life.

It’s afternoon the next day when you find yourself more frustrated than anything. You wanted to go to the park and get some fresh air but Jungkook insisted on going with you, commenting once more that you may not call him if something comes up. It usually takes a lot to make you irate but his snide remarks and aversion towards you have slowly been eating you up inside.

You decided against going out, not wanting to take him away from work, especially as you’d heard him raising his voice at someone on the phone, his groans echoing throughout the loft once more.

You always loved being around Jungkook. Whether he was busy at work, frustrated over something, or being needy or clingy, he makes you feel wanted. It’s the random kiss on your cheek or his loving glance or the way he’d affectionately call you ‘baby’ or when he’s finally next to you and he doesn’t want to let you go. But right now he’s being confusing - he wants to be where you are but he somehow finds it difficult to be around you, to talk to you, to look at you, to be close to you.

“You should go for a run or head to the gym or something,” you tell him from the living room when he heads down to the kitchen for a glass of water.

“Why should I?”

“So you can release your frustrations elsewhere,” you turn to him, looking him straight in the eyes but he looks away. “Your desk will break if you hit it one more time. And you’ve been snapping at your staff and that’s not how you should be treating them. Just go, take a break. Work can wait. You just need to clear your mind.”

“And if I go, would you call if something happens?”

It’s that line again, but by now it’s gotten old.

“Nothing will, and if something does, I won’t be alone,” you respond. “Yeji and Nari are coming. I asked them over, so you can go spend time on your own. I know you want to, since you can’t seem to stand me. You won’t talk to me, you won’t look at me… might as well just spend a few hours away from me.”

Maybe then you’d start missing me, you don’t say.

“Fine, I’ll go when they get here.”

He doesn’t refute, he just accepts. In your mind, that’s him agreeing. A part of you hoped he’d say you’re wrong, that you’re just imagining things, or maybe explain why he’s been acting the way he has. It isn’t like him to bite his tongue and not express himself through words. He’d never had a problem doing that, you remind yourself.

It isn’t like you to let your emotions get the better of you, too, as you let a tear fall when he heads back to your room with no other words said.

He hears your friends arrive, as not long after they do, he hurries down the stairs and walks out the door, his jacket hood over his head and his gym bag slung over his shoulder.

“Okay, talk to us,” Nari says, as she watches the exchange between you and your husband, a rare sight indeed, as all she’s known of both of you since falling in love was that unabashed joy and affection that’s infectious and heartwarming.

Folding your knees and hugging them tightly, you pout then let the tears fall. “He hasn’t held me since we got back from the hospital,” you say. “He barely talks to me, he doesn’t look at me. He’s cold and irritable and distant, l…”

You take a deep breath and lean onto Yeri’s shoulder when she pulls you for a hug. “He’s been working at home but his presence is so intimidating and tense.”

“Maybe it’s just work,” your best friend reasons as she hugs you tighter. “Isn’t there a big project that he got approved? It might just be the pressure, you know? And what happened to you is worrisome. Maybe it’s all just piling up.”

“But he’s never been like this,” you insist, sniffing and trying to find your voice. “He doesn’t just ignore me or act like I’m not around. Even with our small arguments before, he’d never spoken to me coldly or bitterly. He’s never…” you trail, feeling the ache in your heart at the newness of this, of this feeling of being unwanted or needed. “Oh god, I feel so silly. I totally sound like a spoiled, bratty, needy wife.”

“Hey,” Nari nudges you and takes you from Yeri, wiping away your tears and urging you to stop excusing your feelings. “You aren’t being silly. If he’s making you feel that way, then he should be a grown up and tell you directly why, not ignore you and make you feel bad about it. You just went through something terrifying, ___. He should be comforting and taking care of you.”

“Do you know why he’s acting that way?” Yeri asks now. “Because I feel like I do. I mean, knowing you and him, it’s not that hard to figure out.”

It’s your tear-stained face and pouty lips that give it away that you have an idea, too, and both women know that as your best friends, they need to be on your side while also knocking some sense into you.

“Why didn’t you tell him what you’ve been experiencing?” Yeri continues. “Why did you keep it all from him?”

“I thought I could just brush them off without having to make him worry,” you finally answer after a long beat of silence. “If it was nothing, then I didn’t want to burden him with unnecessary things.”

“___, we’ve talked about this,” Nari groans, frustrated because this has always been her issue when it comes to you, how you just brush things off for fear of worrying your loved ones about your condition, without realizing that you’re making the other person feel distrusted, unworthy, powerless. It’s this unnecessary courtesy that she always felt you developed as a coping mechanism because of how overprotected you were growing up, being doted on and treated like a fragile doll who couldn’t break a sweat or be inconvenienced in any way.

“It’s hard to unlearn,” you mumble, knowing what she means. The only way you felt like your illness would stop defining you was if people didn’t know it still affected you.

“So what, you’ll just let it affect your health again like this? And now your marriage, too?” She counters. “I know you don’t want it to, so unlearn it faster. And talk to him. It’s the only way.”

You nod, knowing that some days, you just need your best friends to spell out the things you already know, because somehow it makes sense when they’re the ones telling you.

You sit in between them, anxious about how you’ll face Jungkook when he returns. You were never good at this, and during the few times you and your husband had fought, he’d been the one to initiate talking and working things out, insistent to hold onto your promise to each other of not sleeping until you’ve resolved your issues, no matter how late it already is. But now, he seems to be the one who’s letting it drag on, not wanting to address it or even acknowledge it.

Nari and Yeri help you prepare dinner, as you’d let Mrs. Na go home to attend to family matters. The stew smells amazing, but to be honest, you don’t really have the appetite for it.

They leave after cleaning up, and you’re left with your own thoughts in the quiet of the loft that’s gotten colder, lonelier the past week.

Your heart leaps out of your chest at the sound of the door opening, and you watch in pain as Jungkook merely walks past you and heads towards the stairs.

“Kook, talk to me,” you beg, voice low yet desperate. “Please. I can’t do this anymore.”

This stops him in his tracks and he turns around, his jaw clenched and his eyes unreadable.

“I can’t,” he says, turning away.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to say things I’ll regret. Because I’m angry and upset and I can’t express any of that when you can have another relapse or something.”

“I don’t care,” you exclaim. “Say whatever you want to, and say it now. Because that’s way better than you blatantly ignoring me. Your hurtful words would be better than none at all.”

“Yeah, because I’m the one who’s hurting you, right?” He says, his voice getting louder now. “I’m the one who doesn’t trust you, who’s not honest with you, who keeps secrets and shit… I’m the one who’s at fault for worrying about you being in pain and then being upset that you kept it all from me. Right? You’re the only one who’s hurting? And not me?”

“That’s not what I meant,” you huff, feeling the tears pool in your eyes again.

Jungkook decides against saying something, exhaling deeply instead and massaging his temples as he paces around the living room.

“I was in that fucking room presenting some fucking project while you were in the ER, all on your own, taking tests and just waiting to be told if your illness is back,” he says, seemingly restraining himself.

“If I could spare you the worry, I would,” you argue. “I just wanted to make sure that it wasn’t anything serious before—”

“Before calling?” He scoffs. “You’re my wife and I won’t forgive myself if anything bad happens to you! So what, you were just gonna wait there for bad news and not let me be there for you? What if it was worse and you didn’t manage to get in a cab? What if the hospital was far away and you fainted? What if something was wrong with your heart again? And then I wouldn’t have been there because you didn’t fucking call! Because I didn’t know you were experiencing all that in the first place! Because of all the things that you chose to keep from me, it was this. As if hiding it from me our entire lives wasn’t enough.”

There it is, all the what-ifs in Jungkook’s mind that he’s always been so scared of. He’s never brought himself to envision you in any sort of pain but then you were, and the intense fear of what could’ve happened swam in his mind, and there’s nothing worse than feeling powerless to protect the love of his life from all that.

“If this is about you feeling guilty that you’re not able to do anything–”

“Fuck it is! That and more!” He yells, the frustration overtaking him. “Don’t you get it? I can’t stand you in pain, and I can’t stand it when you feel like you have to bear it on your own, like you have to spare me or something. Yeah, I’m fucking terrified, but I’m still your husband. And you tell me these things,” he heaves. “I’m sorry I worry, or that I overreact or become dramatic and overly cautious, what do you expect? But you can’t hide this from me. I can’t not be your first call. That’s not fucking fair.”

“Kook, honey, I’m sorry,” you cry, trying to reach out for him but he pulls his arm away.

“Are you? You knew what you were doing, ___. You chose not to tell me the first time, and the next, and the one after that. And I had to fucking learn it from my brother again and I just…” Jungkook stops, and you look at him to see that he’s crying, the pain in his eyes so piercing that it’s probably gonna haunt you for days.

“I know you’ve always turned to him and he’s someone you can be honest with but… why can’t you trust me that way?”

“You know that’s not it,” you try to explain. You know that as much as you can reason that you only called Junghyun because Jungkook wasn’t picking up your calls, your husband would argue that you could’ve called way earlier, and he’d be right.

“Then what is it, ___?” He asks, and you realize that the most painful thing he can say is calling you by your name.

“You… you’re always the first for me,” he continues. “Whatever I’m feeling, whatever I did that day, you’re the first person I think about, the one I need to tell everything to; you’re always my first call. It’s always you because we promised each other. Through the good and the bad, it’s me and you. And keeping that promise was never hard because I want it to be you. Because I trust you. And to realize that it’s not the same with you just fucking sucks, okay?” He huffs, sounding defeated.

“What else are you not telling me? That you’re taking more art classes because being with those kids compensates for us not yet having our own because I’m fucking terrified of what that would mean for your health? I mean, how the hell can we have our own kids if you can’t even communicate with me? If you can’t even tell me what you’re feeling? If you don’t even trust that I’ll do everything to ease your pain and be there for you? How could you think that anything else is more important than you are?”

The sob that escapes you is immediate. The scene feels familiar, as the last time you’d cried this hard in front of Jungkook was years ago, in this exact spot, but this time, you know this is on you.

His words should be comforting - he loves you, and he loves hard, he loves openly, bravely, unapologetically. But all you can see is the hurt in his eyes. And all those times that you promised yourself that you wouldn’t let your illness define you feels stupid and hypocritical now, because here you are, hurting the man you love because you wanted to carry the burden on your own. But as you’re learning, being someone’s partner means sharing all that with them, and trusting that you’ll pull through together.

Jungkook watches you cry and this feels familiar, too. He never really fully got to remove this very scene from years ago out of his mind no matter how hard he tried. Nothing hurts him more than seeing you like this, but much as he wants to hold you in his arms, he’s afraid to find out that it wouldn’t be enough.

“I’m not really hungry,” he finally says, changing the subject because he honestly can’t bear talking some more. “I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight.”

He turns around and heads towards the hallway and closes the door, leaving you rooted on the ground to watch him walk away.

There’s a different kind of pain that’s filling your entire body. The one caused by your illness is purely physical, as if you could feel it only the very structure of your organ - it’s straightforward and familiar, something that medication and a few breaths could relieve.

But the one you’re feeling now is different - you feel it all over. There’s a ringing in your head of all the things that Jungkook had said. Your mind is going through all the times he’d called you first, or put you first, or followed through his promise of sharing his world and his heart and his soul with you. There’s that feeling of something missing - his fingers in between the spaces of yours, his arms around your waist, his soft lips against your own. There’s that absence of the affectionate tone of his voice and his boyish laughter, and it’s like without those, you can’t hear anything at all.

The past week has felt like a month of being without him, or at least, being without his comfort and security. It’s like being stripped off of your basic necessities - everything is hard without him, everything is worthless and unhappy and incomplete without him.

Is this what it feels like when you carry everything on your own? When you restrain yourself from sharing your fears and your burdens and your pain with someone else? Because sharing the joy - the good things - doubles it; and now you know that sharing the bad things increases it, too.

You sigh and wipe your tears, thinking of how much more you need to learn about love and marriage and being someone’s lifelong partner. Your grandmother once said you’re so full of love, and you wonder how you could’ve possibly failed at giving it to the person you love the most.

Knees bent against your chest, you hug yourself for that warmth you need, but you aren’t enough for it, as you should know by now. On the other side of the door in the hallway is the person you need, the person you want, the person you love, and there’s no way that you’re going to let him sleep all alone tonight.

Mustering up the courage, you get on your feet and stand outside the room. You want to keep a promise this time, about not sleeping until you’ve both resolved the issue, or at least made up somehow. You don’t want him to go through even just one night thinking that you don’t care enough to face him, to be uncomfortable, to be accountable, because you are. And you want him to know that.

The door creaks open and you find Jungkook in bed, lying on his back with one arm over his eyes. It’s already been half an hour and you’d be surprised if he’s still crying. But you don’t miss his clenched jaw and fist, the frustration clearly still evident.

You walk towards the other side of the bed and slowly position yourself - close enough for the distance not to feel too much, but far enough for him to still pull away.

You reach out for his hand and he flinches a little, but when you uncurl his fingers so you can caress them, he lets you. The sight of your name tattooed on his finger makes you cry again.

He doesn’t like playing soccer or hitting the gym with his ring on, but he doesn’t want - “even for a second,” he’d said - for there to be no trace of your marriage on him. “Seeing it makes me smile,” he’d told you. “I got to marry the prettiest woman on earth and I know when what I do is over, she’ll be there waiting for me.”

Jungkook has always put you first, in every sense possible. Junghyun told you once that his brother has always sought a high from being reckless, from doing what he wanted, when he wanted, but he’s never wanted to do anything right as much as when it comes to loving you.

“I don’t have an excuse for how I handled things, and I handled them pretty terribly,” you start, your voice shaking. “I never got to outgrow that selfishness, that need to always prove to everyone that I can handle things on my own. And it’s because of that that I hurt you, Kook. It’s because of that that you’re feeling like I don’t trust you, that you’re not my first call. And I’m so, so sorry.”

His lips quiver, and he nibbles them to keep himself from sobbing again.

“I’ve needed help and assistance for more than half of my life and that feeling of weakness frustrates me; it makes me uncomfortable because I don’t like burdening others. And you’re right, I’ve been unfair to you; I’ve been unfair to us. It’s this fear of disappointing you, of seeing you scared that makes me think that you don’t need to know trivial things like that and I was wrong. I’m so wrong, Kook,” you continue.

“Because all I’ve wanted this past week was to be with you and tell you I’m scared, that I miss you, that I wish you could comfort me, that I’m so bored and that I want to go out but I want to go out with you. I wanna tell you that my students sent a video, hoping that I’m feeling better and that they’ll be waiting for me. I wanna tell you that I learned how to make egg noodles, and that I’m craving pork soup. I wanna tell you that the medication and rest are working because the chest pains are gone but the palpitations are few and far in between now.”

Wiping your tears, you see that Jungkook is pressing his arm harder on his eyes, and the way he heaves tells you that he’s crying just as much as you are.

“You’ve always tried to understand me and give me my space,” you say. “You’re patient when I don’t open up right away. You make sure to make things easy for me, that I always feel protected and loved and I don’t ever want to take that for granted, Kook. I want to be better; I’ll do better. I’ll love you much better. I just—”

Dark, glassy eyes that are looking at you cut you off, and you see the sadness in them, the care and affection and apology and forgiveness. And somehow, this makes you cry even more.

Jungkook gently nudges your hand that’s still holding his, and it’s your cue to throw yourself next to his side, your arms immediately wrapping around his torso. He’s warm and safe like you remember, even more when he tightens his hold after you cry harder, with your head laid on his chest.

You can hear his breathing and his occasional sniffles. You try to inhale his scent with your stuffy nose, but even if you barely can, you know he smells like comfort, and like always, he smells like home.

“I don’t like it when you cry,” he says softly after a while. “Doesn’t crying make you palpitate or something?”

“A little,” you respond, peeking up at him. His eyes are drier now, but they’re focused on the ceiling. “It was faster earlier but it’s slowed down now.”

“I’m sorry,” he turns to you. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to say those things the way I did.”

“Don’t be,” you respond, wiping your tears. “I had to hear them, and I don’t blame you for how they came out, either.”

“I… I don’t think I’m angry anymore but I’m still upset,” he says softly, apologetically. “I wish I wasn’t but I just…” he trails.

“It’s okay,” you look at him and smile. “I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry. Take your time. I’ll just be in our room.”

“Okay,” he mumbles.

He kisses your forehead, and the feel of it is all you really need to assure you.

It’s not ideal. You wish you could sleep next to him, maybe talk about how the past week has been or apologize some more. You don’t want to focus on the fact that this would be the first time that you’d sleep separately. It happens, you tell yourself. You’d rather that he’s honest with you like this, something you couldn’t be to him and you owe him his own space and time.

You kiss his cheek and get off the bed. “I’ll leave the stew in the oven in case you get hungry. Good night, Kook,” you say, and head out the door.

You settle for fruits for dinner, barely having an appetite as well. You take a long, hot bath and think of all you’ve done, where you went wrong, and what you can do after all this. You meant what you said that you’re going to be better. You always knew you were lacking in many things; you’ve been told that communication isn’t your strongest suit. But you can’t let the doubts creep in because you know Jungkook, and you know you. The last thing you’ll ever doubt is how much you love each other.

Maybe love is like this, you think to yourself. It hurts because it matters, and people fight because there’s something to fight for but it’s the kind of fight where nobody loses. You and Jungkook are different people and maybe that’s why it works the way it does, but it also doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t constantly work hard to meet each other in the middle. He does, and you will, even harder than before. Being loved by Jungkook is a gift, and being able to love him is a privilege.

You think about this even more as you lay in bed. It’s colder without him next to you; it feels empty. But you can sleep well knowing he’s taking his own time just downstairs, hopefully missing you, too.

He asked you to trust him. You always thought that was easy and that it just meant being faithful, that he wouldn’t hurt you. You realize now it’s more than that; that despite the fights and the fears and the tears, it’s trusting that you’re both going to be okay.

You fill your mind with Jungkook’s smile, knowing that maybe in a few days, you’ll be blessed with that sight again. You don’t know how many scenes and memories you’ve gone through when you feel a dip on the mattress next to you and Jungkook’s arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you close to him. He nuzzles your neck like he always would, and though he doesn’t say or do anything else, you know that this is his way of telling you that he trusts you, too. That he trusts both of you.

Maybe love is like this - it's when you hold each other the tightest after a fight; it’s when you pull the other close even if neither of you wants to say anything; it’s when you’re upset but not enough to spend a night apart. Maybe it’s when you can be honest about being mad but not doubting the other person’s devotion.

Jungkook’s warm breath against your skin eases your mind and your heart, and you know that whatever happens tomorrow, you’ll wake up with him next to you. It’s been a tough week and a hard night but you think that maybe, this is when you learn to love each other even more.

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#jungkook fic #jungkook angst #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #husband jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook series #please love me

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svnnynostalgia · 1 year

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Luis Serra Navarro as your boyfriend! (drabble)

the amount of love and adoration and absolute pining i have for this man is insane, and it has come to my attention that there is BARELY any content directed towards him so here i am to change that :D

timeline is set during the time that luis works for umbrella.

pre-leaving umbrella bf luis! would absolutely spoil you, being the new and upcoming hotshot selected by umbrella themselves into one of their most significant projects- leading to him being paid rather heftily.

he'd happily spend on you, you saw a pair of pretty shoes that you liked? you've got them. a dashing silk dress that you eyed when you were out shopping with him? he's already purchased it and sent it to your home. an ethereal pearl necklace that you've yet to even show interest in front of him in? he's already putting it on you right this moment.

bf luis! that cherishes the gifts you give him more then anything, spoil him back! he might playfully decline at first but deep inside he truly adores how you repay his own physical gifts to you with those of your own. whether it be something as small as his favorite pack of cigarettes to an intricately designed ring- he'll treasure it more than you'll ever know! and not in the sense that he'd never use them and just have them displayed, he'll use them and take extra good care of them. he'll make sure to keep his rings all pretty and polished, and he'd proudly show them off, brandishing his own self as yours.

bf luis! who'd give you his jacket every time it rains or feels cold.

who'd carry your bags when they start to feel a tad too heavy, and do so without you even having to ask!

i literally have so much overflowing brainrot of him- tell me if i should do a part two!!

you could also request me to do other resident evil characters if you'd like :D

#resident evil #luis serra #resident evil luis #resident evil 4 #re4 remake #luis serra x reader #luis serra navarro #resident evil x reader

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marshallpupfan · 2 months

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All Good Things...

We've known about PAW Patrol's upcoming new animation style for a while, and although we only had a taste of it before, more and more leaks have given us an even bigger look at it. From what I've seen, most fans seem to like it so far, and to tell you the truth, I do, too! With one exception, I think all the pups look great, and I'll even go as far to say I like these more than the theatrical designs... and especially what Rubble & Crew gave us. Like most fans, I'm eager to see more!

Still, I can't help but feel a little sad. I know I say this often, but, Marshall's my #1 favorite character, and he's been at the top of my list for over five years now. I'm crazy about him, which is why I started these accounts, why I began the whole "Daily Marshall Pics" thing, why I purchased a crazy amount of his merchandise, among other things. It's all driven by just how much I love this pup. And while there are many reasons why I say this, one in-particular is why I'm making this post; his character design.

Marshall's appearance in the above pic is one I came to love over the years. It's also involved in practically everything I do here. My avatar and banner is this Marshall. 99% of my daily pics are this Marshall. Nearly my entire merchandise collection is this Marshall. My Ready Race Rescue poster is this Marshall. That $400+ costume I purchased is this Marshall. Basically, I'm saying that, to me, this IS Marshall. Despite his altered look in Rubble & Crew and the theatrical films, this is what always comes to mind whenever I think of the pup.

...and it's about to go away, huh?

Whether it's later this year or the next, one of the things I love about this Dalmatian will no longer be the same. That simplistic yet wonderful design will soon be replaced, and we'll no longer see it in anything official, such as new episodes, commercials, toy packaging, etc. Outside of repeats, it'll just be... no more.

Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. Sure, the pups are getting a visual makeover, but they'll still be the same characters, right? And, unless the new season 11 director changes things, no doubt Marshall will still be the same clumsy yet lovable pup that became my favorite way back when. I mean, he looked different in Rubble & Crew, but the other aspects and qualities I love about him were still there! And in the theatrical films... er, never mind that. My point is, I suppose we're technically not losing anything here; just a visual style many of us became so accustom to when we first started watching PAW Patrol, whether it was all the way back in 2013 or later. No doubt some fans might even consider it a bit special to them.

But hey, change doesn't have to be a bad thing! As I mentioned earlier, I do like what we've seen of the new style so far, and personally, I'm feeling quite optimistic about it! Sure, it might take some time getting used to it, but given how often we have to adjust to the pups getting new voice actors, I'm starting to get used to change with this franchise. Besides, as much as I still enjoy the old style and wouldn't mind it sticking around, I'm not going to shun the new or stand in its way. And you know, when I look at the two designs of Marshall side-by-side, I still see a lot of the old in the new, so maybe we should look at this as an upgrade instead of a replacement? Perhaps it's not as much of a goodbye as I thought?

I'm going to hope this new style works out for everyone in the end. However, I'll still miss the old. It stuck with the franchise and its fans for over ten years, so with great respect, I take my hat off for it.

...Of course, the old style will live on through its older fans, and I'm certainly not going to let it go. You'll still see it through my dailies and various edits, of course!

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thekingofthenameless · 17 days

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I’M BACK

And I’m rebranding everything.

Profile picture change, username change (in a few days), etc.

talesofarcadiaforever -> thekingofthenameless

I took a long hiatus from writing and Tumblr in general because of bad burnout and putting expectations on myself that I shouldn’t have. Ha. But I’m back! And good news! I started writing again! Better news?

I decided to officially discontinue Emerald Embers and the Daylight’s Redemption series and write my own book.

I was already making everything so different from ToA that it was practically an alternate universe already: redesigning Merlin, making Merlin and Charlie familiars, adding magical species that weren’t explicitly in canon, completely changing other characters… I still love ToA, but I’m not hyperfixated on it anymore. And that’s okay. I was so scared of letting go for a long time, but I’m happy with my decision.

My wip is now called The King of the Nameless!

Currently, there are five main characters, and tidbits about each of them will be a little further down. (Except for one guy. He sucks.) Their attempted designs will also be down there.

In some aspects, it probably hasn’t changed too much. I’m still basing it off of Arthurian Legends, and Merlin is still the protagonist. But I redesigned him. Again.

The deuteragonist is Charlie; he and Merlin are still familiars. I tried several different names for him, but none of them would stick for him no matter how hard I tried; so Charlie the dragon he stays. But he now has the last name Ambrosius to reflect that he and Merlin are found family as well.

The other three characters in this stage of the story are Igraine, Gorlois, and Uther.

Igraine is Arthur and Morgana’s mother in the Arthurian Legends, (which I did not know at first and was wondering how Arthur and Morgana were half-siblings because they have different fathers…) and will stay the same here. I couldn’t find any official last name for her besides Pendragon from when she marries Uther? (Which is not going to happen here.) So I gave her and her husband the last name “le Fay” to match their daughter!

Gorlois is Igraine’s husband, and like I said, is Morgana’s father. However, unlike some media, he’s not going to be portrayed as a jealous and abusive husband. He’s the epitome of the “I love my wife” guy.

Uther is… a piece of work, to say the least. He’s the character who’s going to have a separate post because of triggering topics that I don’t want in this post.

I’m also going to make a separate post for upcoming characters, which include Nimue, Morgana, Arthur, etc.

Bear with me on lore and designs though please (I’m still working on the lore and I’m not sure if these will be their permanent designs except for Charlie). Some of it might be just random babble until I decide on something 😭 You’ll definitely be able to tell which characters I think about most ahaha.

Anyways, in more good news, I don’t use Artbreeder anymore. I attempt to use Picrews, but sometimes they don’t have everything I want, so I also use character creators from video games. If I could use Baldur’s Gate 3’s, I definitely would, but I’d have to spend like $600-ish to get something to play it on and get the game. 😑 I could also play it with my boyfriend, but our schedules are so busy with both of us working that’s it not really a convenient option.

But there is a game called Dragon’s Dogma, and I’ve been using that one! It’s an older game, so it doesn’t really have many fantasy character options, but it’s good enough for human characters lol. I made Igraine and Gorlois with it, and a few other characters yet to be posted.

Design and lore time!

Merlin:

This is him at the beginning of TKN! Expect more art of him eventually.

• 6' 8"

• “my son crump he has every disease”: schizophrenia, C-PTSD, misophonia

• is still a cambion like in the Arthurian Legends (specifically half-human, half-demon)

• was supposed to be the Anti-Christ (also like in the Legends)

• is also a romance and sex repulsed, non-partnering aroace <3.

• usually excudes a regal, dignified presence, and his preference for flowing outfits helps

• may seem slightly formal with strangers, but on a good day where he can clock their personality, he’ll either warm up to them quickly, or distance himself, depending on the person

• has a strong sense of justice, which also makes him anti-authoritarian for the most part. (unless they’ve actually proven that they’re not just in their position for the power of it, or because of nepotism; and really do want to help people.)

• extremely loyal

• highly empathetic; cries easily

• has a lot of trauma, but is still kind because he’s not going to make people suffer just because he did

• adrenaline junkie in regards to flying with Charlie

• Doesn’t kill if not necessary.

• Is very punctual. If you tell him to come at 5 he’ll be there at 4:30. At most.

Charlie:

• 6' 6" (top of muzzle)

• 7' 3" (top of head)

• the marking on his leg is his familiar mark!

• still nice, seems a little rougher around the edges than Merlin

• says the things that his wizard thinks but won’t say, and doesn’t hide that he stares people down while gauging their character. he sometimes won’t care that he sounds mean or very direct either

• very protective of his familiar and is intensely loyal to him. isn’t really willing to leave the latter alone with people they don’t really know because of people attempting to take advantage of his schizophrenia in the past, gaslighting him into thinking that their actions weren’t real and were things he hallucinated/imagined

• Do no harm but take no shit

• Far more willing to kill than Merlin

• “Hey do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and I will totally kill that guy for you.”

• (I guess he technically counts as an emotional support animal but like. he’s sentient so idk 😭)

• is an omnivore (most dragons are, but he eats more human food than them from growing up and staying around them.)

Igriane:

• 6' 5"

• a wizard!

• was originally a red head before I realized that oh yeah. Morgana has brown hair, and a ginger and blonde would definitely not for the most part have a brunette kid

• purple eyes (haven’t decided if I’m gonna stay with this concept, but I like the idea of all wizards having some type of heterochromia, or technicolor eyes to show that they have magic)

Gorlois:

• 6' 0"

• he doesn’t have any type of unique eye color yet because I didn’t have the concept of that for wizards yet, and still not sure if I’m gonna keep it so. blue eyes for now

• again I say he’s the “I love my wife” guy!!

• also a wizard (which is where Morgana gets her magic when she’s born. You have two parents with magic you’re like. guaranteed to have magic.)

• maybe not really much of a fighter? Would probably use some type of sword if he was.

Wow that was so much lore. 👍 If anyone wants to talk to me about my ocs or suggest ideas, my ask box is always open! (And I love love love getting asks)

Artist credits!

Merlin:

Charlie’s original artist:

Charlie’s second artist:

Charlie’s saddle:

#yelling #that’s my new ramble tag lol #would like to mention that I’m keeping my archive of EE and DR content up! People can absolutely use those ideas if they want to lol #like go ham with the ideas I’ll probably never use again #writing #my ocs #The King of the Nameless #art stuff #character designs #Merlin Ambrosius #TKN Merlin #Charlemagne Ambrosius #Igraine le Fay #Gorlois le Fay

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mirror-ralsei · 6 months

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MINI THEORY: Egg-veryman

Look, I'm not the first or only person to believe the man behind the tree might be Everyman. Just from a quick search, here's a theory and depiction preceding mine: 1 (huecycles), 2 (JJayBlaze123).

But as of the Spamton Sweepstakes, I do agree they're our most likely candidate. Here's a breakdown of all the evidence that personally led me to that conclusion.

Let's take a look at details we know about the egg man that might help us identify him:

The room's layout resembles mysteryman and “[redacted]”

He seems to exist in a cat state, just like the eggs he gives.

Noelle's story may imply, if the man is anything like his eggs, that the man is disturbing in some way.

There is graffiti clue of the egg tree in the same color as the ICE-E spraypaint in the alley. (Credit to VGFM for noticing this!)

He can be seen in a car.

While in the car, he is waving at us, and he “might be happy to see” us.

Spamton may know him.

He has never spoken out loud.

Comparing this to Everyman:

Everyman has not appeared in the overworld yet. (Unconfirmed)

We don't know enough about UTDR's cat states or Everyman to confirm or deny this point. (Unconfirmed)

Everyman is disturbing enough to have their first appearance be in the True Lab lmao (Likely)

Graffiti of Everyman is right next to the ICE-E graffiti. (Plausible)

We don't know if Everyman can drive lol (Unconfirmed)

We don't know if Everyman would wave to us or not, since we know little about them, but they are described as “Just a good guy who shows up on occasion,” and “might be happy to see you” seemingly would either be a reference to a cat state (as in “they might be happy, they might not be”), or referring to being uncertain if the egg man is happy (as in “they might be happy, but I could be wrong”) - the latter would make sense, as Everyman has never emoted with their face in any appearance so far, and would thus be difficult to read. (Plausible)

We don't know for sure if Spamton knows Everyman, but we do have this interesting line: “WE DON'T NEED ANY [Man, Woman or Child] [At Half-Price]!” While it's unclear what character, if any, “[At Half-Price!]” is referring to*, every other bracket in these “WE DON'T NEED...”s seems to indicate a character Spamton knows: [Easels] seems to be Swatch, [CRTs] seems related to an upcoming Chapter 3 character from the “cathode crew,” and obviously there's Mike. And I suspect that “[Man, Woman or Child]” may indicate “Everyman.” It includes the “man” part while throwing out a generic umbrella for a lot of people - "every." (Plausible)

Everyman has never spoken out loud. In fact, their silence is such a notable part of their character that their Queen battle cameo has them give a noticably blank dialogue bubble, in stark contrast with all the others. They visibly fall to their knees in agony when overtaken by butterflies, but cannot scream. Even their visual design has them noticably lacking a mouth. (Likely)

As you can see, many of these points range from plausible matches to confirmed ones. And the remaining points are left inconclusive, not deconfirmations.

There's also these additional clues:

The egg given to Noelle was titled ““SPECIAL”” in quotations and without a period. In the first documentation of Everyman's name, Fox replied “”Everyman”” exclusively in quotations and without a period.

Noelle notes that the egg “didn't seem to be doing anything" - in most of Everyman's appearances, they do not move, with the exceptions being after they are attacked and taken over by butterflies, and while they are propelled by a carousel (but still stationary themself).

Everyman is made of round shapes, which could concievably allow them to appear in Cat Petterz.

Subjectively, Everyman resembles a white, embryonic-looking bird, all of which relate to eggs. Spamton even mentions the white color of the egg man's eggs when saying “A WHITE ONE, THAT'S SURELY [another man's treasure].”

Subjectively, I think the Waltz of Seccom Masada, or whatever the egg room theme is called now, suits the Everyman character very well: starts in major key to indicate friendliness, but something is slightly, unnervingly off about it...strange, even. (ba dum tss) Everyman's visual design is similarly made up of round, friendly shapes, yet is very disturbing due to a variety of factors.

“Just a good guy who shows up on occasion” perfectly describes the egg man's appearances behind the trees.

Again, Everyman is also heavily tied to the term “man”: both with “Everyman” and “strangeman.”

Literally clones their head like an egg.

We know little about Everyman, but what we do know seems to line up with the man behind the tree.

*(If I could hazard a guess, I don't actually think [At Half-Price!] is referring to a character, but a property about [Man, Woman, or Child]. Specifically, I think Spamton means that the character has been "cut in half" in some way. Why do I think this? See my theory about division through reflection, a motif that seems to be cropping up a lot.)

#again i am not the only person to think this! this is just me aggregating all the evidence i found interesting #deltarune theory #utdr theory #everyman #originally this had a counterpoint about why i dont think it's gaster anymore #but the tl;dr is just 'is already depicted as a force outside of the game' and 'would not be shown waving at us from a car this early on'#both of which are pretty subjective and not really evidence based. so i dropped it

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piltoversfinest-caitvi · 2 years

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Christian Linke and Alex Yee Q&A

From here (will update if there’s more)

With special addition from Amanda’s

Below the cut are the questions and answers they provided

Q: Anything in regards to an art book for this show? Would love nothing more than to secure a copy of one.

Christian: There is one in the works! I remember talking to some folks at Fortiche and Riot about it a few months ago. I'm not sure where they are in the process, but it's coming for sure.

Q: Hi! Do you think Caitlyn and Vi shippers will be happy with the upcoming season?

Alex: There's that part they might like, and that part they're probably gonna hate.

Amanda (A reply to Alex’s post): I take full responsibility for both. And stand by that they make the show better!

Q: How did you all go about capturing such minute and captivating micro-expressions? Also, Caitlyn and Vi have been really fun for my wife and I to watch together as a lesbian couple. We really hope we get to see their relationship grow in new and interesting ways. I'm curious about how their roles as "Piltover's Finest" will differ from how they do in LoL. Will caitlyn still be a sheriff, or more of a private eye working independently from the Enforcers?

Also, what is the likelihood we will see them as official "girlfriends" next season? Will it mainly be implied or outright stated? I realize if you can't share much, but I (and my wife) are dying to know.

Lastly, will we get to see the entire tattoo on Vi's back at any point?

Christian:

I appreciate you speaking to the smaller details of the character moments. Generally speaking, people in animation will advise against those silent beats where subtle expressions mean as much as any word could, but that's the sort of drama we really craved in the animation space. We simply have awesome animators :) And a wildly talented animation director Bart Manoury, who defined that entire look for Arcane.

For Vi's tattoo -- we have the complete design, I'm not quite sure why we haven't shared it with everyone. Let me inquire about that.

Regarding Vi and Caitlyn, I wish I could say more at this point, but a lot of the answers I'd give you would spoil the experience on screen. I'm confident in the direction we're taking it, and I very much wanna hear from you once Season 2 is out.

Q: what we should expect for Viktor in season 2?

Christian: Everything

Q: Will there be anymore merch drops for Arcane? O: I would love to have posters or even figures/statues/nendoroids of any of the characters!

Christian: Yes. I myself am the sort of person that likes to have dozens of statues, trinkets and figurines on his shelf. The underwhelming amount of merch during Season 1's release is very high on my list of gripes. We're actively working on making sure that we do much better next time around.

Alex: I certainly hope so!

Q: Are there plans to release the scripts for Arcane? I would love to study these.I know you guys don't come from a typical Hollywood background and that's what I love about Arcane, it's so fresh and new. How did you learn how to create a show? How did you write the finale to encapsulate so much emotion and meaning?

Christian: Yes! Quite frankly, we just haven't gotten to consolidating all the different versions yet. Some of it also touches on Season 2 spoiler risks, so I'm afraid we still need to find the time to go through the mountain that is our Season 1 scripts. ;o

In the beginning, we certainly had no idea how to craft a TV series. Personally, I tried to read a lot of books about story crafting and screenwriting. I can't say that I found many of them useful, but at least they all confirmed the general framework of act structures and character drive.

We spent a good amount of time in meetings with other folks who worked in the industry, always looking for that secret sauce that unlocks a TV story structure, and... turns out it doesn't exist. So once you come to that conclusion, it becomes a bit easier to roll up your sleeves and go "alright, let's find our own". At this point, we have our own "metrics" and processes to track plot and character. It's always somewhat messy when you intend to craft a complex story, but that's just part of the work.

Good story (in my mind) is all about hard choices. Many writers talk about being "character driven" without actually writing character driven stories. If you ask your hero whether or not they will help save the world from an alien invasion, the answer always is "yes, duh". Thus, the character doesn't REALLY have a decision to make. The sole question that remains is "HOW are they gonna overcome their obstacle?" -- which is entertaining, but it really doesn't drive the story forward with full autonomy.

I think Alex and I gravitate toward stories that leave characters with costly or even impossible choices.

Amanda (Add onto Christian’s post): I think of this in terms of what a character hopes and fears. You have to know what these are (and make sure the audience knows too) and use them to tug a character towards impossible decisions. I also think you have to be able to relate to these hopes and fears. As Christian mentioned, the fear of dying in an alien invasion isn’t relatable. Neither is the hope of winning a civil war (for most people), but what made Silco’s quest for Zaun’s freedom relatable is that it was rooted in his hope that he could win back his brother Vander’s respect. And without his respect, Silco feared he was the “dirty little thing” his station in life always ascribed to him. Fearing you aren’t good enough, and craving respect from family are deeply relatable emotions. This is what a “character driven story” means to me!!

Q: I've watched this show many many times, introducing it to new people, and always finding another detail or two I didn't during previous watches! While writing the story, what was the most complex story-telling issue you guys ran into?

Christian: We wanted all of our characters to be "real", and thus, make imperfect decisions. The finale of the 3rd episode was scary, because both Vi and Powder really mess up and make terrible decisions. At the same time, we didn't want these choices to alienate them entirely.Characters like Jinx and Silco constantly murder and manipulate. Can an audience still root for them? It's a bit of a dance between their many risky actions and choices.

Amanda (Add onto Christian’s): Again, I think this comes from relatable motivations. Jinx, (and Powder before her), was always desperate to prove herself worthy — worthy of her sister’s faith in her, worthy of Silco’s faith in her. We shouldn’t have to prove ourselves worthy of love, but that is a struggle we all face in so many different ways. A character making terrible decisions is much more forgivable if you too have felt what they’re feeling. I always say I love characters that do the right thing for the wrong reasons, or the wrong thing for the right reasons, everything else is boring!

Q: If you could have made arcane about any other part of runeterra which one has most interest to you?

Christian: Sheesh... there's a lot. ;) We've been working on Arcane for over 7 years now, so naturally, you have ideas for other stories over time.I think the "grimsical" tone that Arcane features works well for Alex and I. That said, I'm really interested in exploring some more quirky stuff as well. The League IP has a lot to offer, it's very diverse in cultural and tonal aspects.

Alex: There are stories I'd love to tell all over Runeterra. One of the joys of working on Arcane was having the opportunity to dive deep into the style, look, and culture of Piltover/Zaun. At Riot we of course have our ideas, but there is still a magic of discovery whenever you invest time conceptualizing one of Runeterra's regions.I've always been a fan of the intrigue/machinations of Noxus, the aesthetics and history of Ionia, the mythos of the Freljord.

Q: In an episode of “Into the Rift”, it’s said that the early drafts of Arcane weren’t good. How much of that draft and the final show are similar or different? Just character arcs and interactions? Major plot points? Or was the entire idea of the show changed?

Christian: A lot (if not all) of the story structure and character arcs were the same.

Crafting the episodes and scenes in a fashion that builds the right tension over time and tracks all the parallel stories wasn't really clicking yet at that time, so Alex and I getting help from the outside and learning more about how to "break an episode" really unlocked the episodes to be stronger.

Alex: The broad strokes of the show never really changed. I'd say the biggest evolutions concerned pacing and development of emotional storytelling. We were more plot-focused before that. We always wanted big emotional beats between characters, we just strengthened their integration to the overall story.

Often, a slight shift in our approach significantly changed the spirit of a scene or beat. We were fortunate to have brainstormed so many moments before we rebooted the story though, it gave us a wealth to draw from when we went into the proper writer's room.

Q: What were some of the small touches in the art and writing of Arcane that didn't mean that much in the big picture, but that you really enjoyed personally?

Christian: Man... also too many to count. ;) The wonderful thing about our collaboration with Fortiche is that artists at the studio are really empowered. An example that Alex likes to bring up and that we all really love is the ash tray in Silco's office. We didn't instruct them to make it look like Jinx painted it in her trademark whimsical style, they did that themselves. They were tasked with designing a simple ash tray and thought, "how can I do more with this than the minimum?" -- and so they did. Now, an ash tray tells a story.

Q: Will season 2 be the final season in the Piltover and Zaun region? Will there be more interactions between Ekko and Jinx in season 2?

Christian: I don't think answering this first question would actually benefit you, so I'm not gonna do it. Oh yes (to the q of Ekko and Jinx).

Q: Will there be another season of bridging the rift or any more behind the scenes content?

Christian: I don't know if it's gonna be another full Bridging The Rift, but I know that we're filming BTS material all around. So in some shape or form, there are gonna be more glimpses behind the curtain for you. :)

Q: If you could choose a single word to describe season 2, what would you pick?

Christian: War

Alex: Rubicon

Amanda: Well I’m more of a sap than these guys, but I say “forgiveness.”

Q: What were some of the biggest influences on Arcane in terms of writing or animation?

Christian: Alex and I were talking a lot about Peaky Blinders while we were working on Season 1.For animation, there really isn't that much I would reference to be frank. When we started Arcane, there wasn't really anything out there that had the look and style we had in mind.

Amanda: Let’s not forget our “Lord of the Rings” dollar jar. Bunch of bills in there from you, Christian!!

Christian: True. Though Arcane development started long before Spiderverse.

Q: When is season 2 coming?

Christian: B-)

Q: How long do you see yourself doing Arcane? Can you see the series becoming a revolving door of stories told from different regions of Runeterra at some point?Have you ever had a great idea for something in the show, that came too late? eg: animation is too far along to change

Christian: We definitely want to explore other regions. At the same time, we've all seen shows and movies that try to cram in too many different perspectives too quickly. I think we gotta earn our way into a larger world view first. So definitely coming in the future, but we have to find the right pace for the story we wanna tell.

Regarding having an idea for something that came too late -- yes, constantly. ;) As someone much wiser than us once said: "Art is never finished, only abandoned".

Q: Does "Our Love" image on the record in the show refer to personifications of Piltover and Zaun? Since the girls are colour coded as respective cities over big red-dot in the sky.

Christian: Indeed!

Q: When making the soundtrack for the show, what did you and/or others have in mind for selecting artists and sounds for what would end up making the cut? Were there any you were considering that didn’t make it?

Christian: It starts with the editors at Fortiche looking for the right moment(s) in every episode that could feature a "music video moment". Usually, the vibe and mood of the story boards paints a target that we then try to cast appropriately.

You tend to have a shortlist of 5-10 artists that you then try to hunt.

During Season 1, it was really hard to find artists, because we were an unproven studio, and a lot of artists weren't interested in animated series. Luckily, the ones who joined us did so because they really believed in the vision, more so than it being an easy win.

Amanda: The storyboard artists make the intention of the scene work. Without them our writing would be boring, flat words. Coming from a live action background, the collaboration in the boards feels like working with a director and the actors all at once — they decide camera angles and blocking which is everything to the emotion and feeling of a scene.

Q: Did you guys overall have a favorite scene or episode from the final product? What was it like/how did it feel to take in all of the positive reactions, to witness the major impact that Arcane left?

Christian: The finale of Episode 6 is always very powerful to me. Probably that. It was a powerful feeling, because you poured your entire existence into this project for over half a decade, well knowing that the League audience is unmerciful. It was super-scary to imagine that they may not like it. That's a chunk of your life you'd never get back. Thankfully, it worked out. :)

Alex: Definitely one of the hardest questions to answer. Kind of a copout to say the dinner scene (109), but I always marvel at the emotion Fortiche was able to evoke in animation there. Similar feeling for the bridge fight (107), even though I do really love the intergration with music and how much story is told.

I'll throw a nod to the Chuck/Thieram scene with Jinx (106). It is/was a moment of general silliness, both in the writing act and the show that doesn't always feel like it fits with the rest of the tone, but it makes me smile that it survived all the way to the finish.

Q: What's your favorite episode of the show? Did Silco braid Jinx's hair? How long did Jinx's tattoos take? Who's your favorite character?

Christian: Probably 106. Yes, though he most definitely sucked at it, no matter how much he tried. Eventually, he paid someone to invent a machine that can braid Jinx's hair, but Jinx would always tinker with it, to a point where it once nearly strangled her in the process. He once asked Sevika to do it, but Sevika threatened to quit. So Silco had to keep doing it, until Jinx was old enough to learn it. Not sure I understand the question. Heimerdinger.

Q: You mentioned passionate tweets on social media. Does that mean the creators of Arcane see a large part of the fans tweets, fanart, disccusion?

Christian: Yeah, we see a good amount. Though Arcane's fan art on twitter tends to be a bit of a minefield. :X

Alex: We see quite a bit, but I have the feeling it's only the tip of the iceberg. I wish I had the fluency to dip into more of the fan reactions from all the non-English regions where Arcane was released.

Q: Are there people in the production crew you'd like to give a shout out to and why? Who are the unsung heroes of Arcane? What's a small detail or easter egg in the show that no one has discovered yet? What is your favorite plugin/audio effect that you used to produce any song in the Arcane soundtrack? Any teases for S2?

Christian:

I'd say that the story board artists are truly the creative unsung heroes. Our story boarders are FANTASTIC, and the amount of things they have to juggle is insane. And yet, none of their work ends up in the final picture, which always makes me sad.

There's loads. I think someday -- maybe in a few years -- I'll wanna check in on that and see which have just not gotten discovered. :)

Gulfoss. It's pure magic.

Q: Are all the scripts complete for Season 2?

Christian: Yes. Though there's always some amount of tweaks that happen in the process. Seeing story boards & hearing voices for the first time makes you realize that something doesn't quite click, or there's new opportunities you didn't recognize before.

Q: What were some events and actions that you really liked and wanted in the show, but had to rewrite or cut because they didn’t properly push story arc of some characters, or went against how that character should act at that point in their arc? Or what was your proudest achievement with this show that was cut, rewritten, or something that you knew the viewing audience would never know about?

Christian: There was another scene in Episode 107, a flashback between Ekko and Powder that takes place a few months after the end of Episode 103. It was a very touching moment during which Ekko tries to save Powder from Silco, but Powder refuses to go with him. "Powder is dead" .Alas... sometimes, it is your darlings that end up on the chopping block. Animation is expensive, and time is very much so money.

Q: How did y’all decide to include Get Jinxed by Djerv in the show, even though it was created for the LoL version of Jinx back in 2013? Does that song actually exist in the Arcane universe, or was it just part of soundtrack/Jinx’s imagination?

Christian: The song has a lot of meaning for us, because it was the first time Fortiche and I worked together on something. The beginning of the whole relationship.I don't think the song exists in the Arcane universe, no. That was more a selfish little moment for us. :)

Q: One of the things I really liked about Arcane was how there was no fat. There was not a single scene that felt tacked on or unnecessary, but you still managed to flesh out the world. Noxus was a great example. Their inclusion made the world feel bigger but it didn’t slow down the plot for a second.I know it’s a group effort deciding which scenes to cut but I was wondering what you’re criteria is when making those decisions.

Christian: I know that some people said Arcane moves at a pace that's too brisk, but both Alex and I like it when episodes really move the story forward. We all have our favorite TV shows that often enough present us filler episodes. We just didn't want that.

We followed act structures per episode. Every character story line would get their 3 acts, plus "twist" to set up the future conflict.

We did also have a piece of paper in our writer's room that spelled out our criteria for a successful scene:

- How does this scene develop the character?

- How does this scene further the plot?

- How does this scene teach the audience something new about the world?

You don't always get all 3, but it needs to have at least 2.

Q: Is it possible for Mel Medarda to return in Season 2? :c

Alex: Solidly possible.

Q: Are there gonna be any sex scenes in S2?

Christian: Ew, no! Gross. Maybe.

Alex: Hmm... any characters springing to mind?

Christian: I dunno Alex. Haven't seen anything on social media that makes me believe people even thought about this.

Amanda: They hired me back for season two, which means there will be sex. I’m the reason it’s in season one.

Q: Why did you name the show Arcane? When you were first developing the show who would you say was the character that changed the most from how you originally developed/ thought of them? Did Jinx and Vander have a close relationship? Does Jinx actually see Vander as someone who betrayed Silco?

Christian: Magic ties a lot of our world together. Every region, every champion has a different relationship with it.

Viktor for sure. I kinda just wanna leave it there. ;P

They weren't as close as Vander and Vi were. Vander was the person that Vi looked up, whereas she was the person Powder looked up to. I don't think that Jinx necessarily blamed Vander for what happened, though she does think (now) that Vander chose wrong.

Q: I want to ask if there's anything you can share about the Firelights! I'd definitely love to know more about them and how they were conceptualised, some more information about the members if possible, perhaps even word on their involvement on next season?

I think the idea of "Hope for a better Zaun" is one of the core tenets of Ekko, and I'm certainly proud to see that he has a group that is actively working towards that goal. I'm satisfied with where you've taken his storyline and I can definitely say you guys completely understand him!

Christian: Appreciate that! The firelights were inspired by and named after the green insects that you see flying around especially in episode 107. They come out of nowhere, swooping in, zipping through the air, and they look cool. :)

It happens easily that a place like Zaun gets written off because dangerous experiments and shady streets scare people off. In many ways, however, it is the kind of place where a truly revolutionary technology or idea can find purchase. So if you ask me, Zaun really is the place where the true magic can happen, and Ekko totally gets that and wants to enable and amplify that.

Q: Who was the easiest character to write and who was the hardest?

Christian: Hardest I'd say Silco and Jinx. They're both stylized in very different ways. Alex is the specialist for their dialogue on our team.

Alex: They all give you trouble here and there, but I would say on average Heimerdinger and Jayce were easier to write than Silco and Jinx.

Q: Will we ever get to see a younger silco and vander pre betrayal? Also any flashbacks to silco being a dad to powder when he first took her in?

Christian: You will, in fact.

Amanda (Reply to Christian): Spoiler! In the episode that always makes me cry.

Q: Will we ever learn about why Vander betrayed Silco? What was Silco planning on doing after he gained the Nation of Zaun? Would he have attempted to improve Zaun? Even though Silco is dead, can we expect to see more of him in s2? (ex. Flashbacks and mentions of him from other characters?) What are your opinions on Silco overall? Did you expect to see him as such a fan favorite?

Christian: Silco was a very special character. During the early phase of development, we talked about everyone's chip on their shoulder. Silco's was being "the dirty little thing". Never being enough. Always having topside look down on him. He could never quite past it, and if it would take his life to escape that existence, so be it. He had nothing to lose.

At the end of the season, he realizes far too late what it's like to have something to lose. Just like Vander, radical notions begin to stumble when your loved ones are threatened by your ideology. "It all makes sense now, brother."

I don't think he had a plan after the Nation of Zaun. It was an impossible pipe dream from the beginning, and if you ask me, achieving it would probably have ruined him.

We did not expect Silco to become such a fan favorite. Jason Spisak did such a wonderful job, it's hard to put in words just how transformative his performances have been.

Alex: We've always liked the relationship between Silco and Vander. It's the original rift that informs the generational split between the sisters. I'll just say, it's a story we'd like to tell.

I think Silco always wanted to improve Zaun, though there are always trade-offs to progress. To me, the real question is who would have helped him realize this vision, and what would have mattered to him at that point in time.

Silco is one of those characters you can get addicted to writing, but I don't think we ever expected him to be such a fan favorite. It really blew my mind when some people engaged with him more as a father figure than Vander.

Amanda (Add onto Alex’s post): To me, the story of Arcane at its core is whether or not the sisters will repeat the sins of their fathers. As Vi and Jinx’s story unfolds we hope you’ll recognize the parallels between Vander and Silco’s story and be desperate for them to take a different path, impossible as that path seems to be.

Q: Did you begin writing the story with the idea of having an antagonistic corrupting/nurturing force to serve as the catalyst for who Jinx would become, or was he developed gradually over time as the right piece to fill what the script needed?

Alex: We knew fairly early that we wanted to have, as Christian put it, a non-champion "svengali" to oppose Vander in the first three episodes. The world felt small when every character happened to be a champion, and we liked the idea of the principle villain being someone who needed others to fight for him. It felt so oppositional to League.

However, we didn't initially plan for Silco to have such a presence throughout the latter half of the season, that developed over time. In fact, we were nervous about giving him too much screen time once the story with Vi and Jinx was rolling. I do remember us asking ourselves right up to the end whether or not Silco would have traded Jinx for his vision of Zaun.

Q: What's a piece of advice you'd give to people trying to create interesting/dynamic characters and stories?

Alex: For me, the best moments come from characters when they surprise you. It's easy to feel omnipotent/omniscient when you are a storyteller. You're usually one step ahead. But sometimes, as you brainstorm all the ways a character might handle a situation or argue a point, they say or do something you hadn't considered. In the best instances, it knocks you off-kilter as much as their opponent in the scene/story. I guess this is all to say, strive to make your characters cleverer than you.

Q: Which scene in the show holds a special meaning to you and why? Possibly because you relate to it personally or there's a funny story behind it from during production.

Alex: There are many, but I'll call out Silco's monologue at the beginning of 103 "Ever wonder what it's like to drown?"This used to be the opening to the show. It sort of encapsulates the core of the story. I think after writing this with Christian, and hearing Jason's performance, it was the first time he looked at me and thought "you might actually be able to write." Of course, I quickly disabused him of this fantasy.

Amanda (Add onto Alex’s post): And it’s my fault that this beautiful sequence is no longer the opening of the show. But I love what it adds to the gut punch of episode 103 and I’ll defend that choice until the day I die. (Even if Alex doesn’t exactly agree with me…)

Q: How did you decide the tone for Arcane? It has adult themes and topics but presents them with such maturity despite being seemingly high fantasy. Was the tone decided from the beginning?

Alex: Tone was the original looming question. We decided we needed to see Vi and Jinx in their younger years as sisters in order to feel the loss and yearning as they struggled to reconnect, but this also made the show feel more "kiddy." I remember calling Christian after having an epiphany that our tone could be like that of the edgier anime I appreciated growing up - no idea why this didn't occur sooner, it just hadn't felt as much like League at the time. For me, anime straddled a tonal line unlike anything else at the time - the bridge from childhood to adulthood.

Once that locked into place, it got a lot easier for me to find the story, although you're always wondering if this or that moment pushes too far. The scene where Singed injects Jinx with Shimmer gave us pause for a little while.

Some anime refs: Hellsing, Berserk, Ghost in the Shell, Cowboy Bebop, Samurai Champloo, Gungrave

Q: One question: Who came up with the idea, for Jinx Vs Ekko fight scene, it was a work of art, absolutely surreal experience, so many emotions and exposition in such small amount of time.And also on the topic : how in the world did You managed to fit so, so, so many of such scenes in only nine episodes? I mean, on top of my head, flare scene, Victors run and the climax! So much emotions on screen, i couldn't handle it.

Alex: The credit goes almost entirely to Fortiche and the music team on the bridge fight. 107 felt like a fulcrum-point in their authorship of the series - weaving their music video superpowers with the storytelling.

How we crammed so many scenes in? We wrote scripts that were too long and then battled in editing to save as many darlings as possible. (Slightly joking, but slightly not.)

Thanks for watching!

Q: Now that it's been a year, and you've been able to properly see the praise and criticism of the series, is there anything you wish you did differently? Did you expect it to blow up as much as it did?

Alex: My strategy is more to try to learn and adapt as opposed to rue the missed opportunities. Luckily, I'd say a lot of what we saw in reactions to season 1 aligned well with what we were focused on in season 2, though we did adjust emphasis here and there when we felt like fans had a strong connection with certain beats.

I don't think we ever expected it to have quite the reception it had, though we were always very confident in the quality of our voice actors' performances and the artistic brilliance of Fortiche.

Q: Will we get to know more about the mysterious wizard, who saved Jayce and his mom, in upcoming seasons?

Alex: There will be magic.

Q: I wanted to ask if you could share a list of the champs you worked on during your time on a League, since not many people may know what you worked on prior to Arcane but I loved the creative AMAs you used to host on the forums lime for Zyra and Varus.

Alex: When I was on League, champions would always have an assigned writer/creative focused principally on their story and thematics, but it takes a village to develop a champion, so it would be disingenuous to take credit for many aspects of what they became. Some of my favorite contributions were on champions to whom I wasn't assigned. Sometimes the heart of a champion was present before they came across our desks. And then players could also imbue champions with characteristics/meaning that superseded our intentions (Blitzcrank springs to mind).

That caveat aside, some of the champs I worked on who are close to my heart despite murdering me on Summoner's Rift: Lee Sin, Graves, Leona, Caitlyn, Varus, Lulu, Thresh, Ahri, Riven, Draven, Viktor, Irelia, Nocturne, Jarvan, Karma, Maokai, Nautilus, Sejuani, Sona, Wukong, Vladimir...

There was also a lot of side content and legendary skins (I recently recalled Christian and I working together on the first PROJECT video.) It's important to note a lot of these characters were significantly deepened in updates and later content. Working at Riot is more about doing your best to carry and pass a baton than being an auteur.

Q: will we ever see vi's abs

Alex: I'll put in a request.

Q: When you where writing it, did you have any moments where everything just connected and you thought “wow! I can’t believe we’re this clever!”? If so, when?

Alex: I think what would happen more often is that I would see the end result of something I wrote and think "Wow! Thank heavens Fortiche, the voice actors, and all the other teams managed to make me look like something other than a blathering idiot!"

Of course... no one can stop me all the time.

Q: I believe Riot executives have realized the importance of Arcane to the company, does their support make production easier than before? Will season 2 come out quicker because of that?

Alex: Their support is a huge part of why Arcane has the time, trust, and resources to hit the quality we aim for. People who've worked in the industry always tell us how rare and special our situation is. However, I'd say that extra trust is more likely to mean the season would incubate for more time, rather than less.We know you're all waiting though.

We always try to find the sweet spot between bringing you content and trying to improve/polish it.

Q: In the scene where Finn tries persuading Sevika into betraying Silco, Finn mentioned something about "bigger fish than silco". I feel like this was potential foreshadowing to who will fill the power vacuum Silco left, but I'm not sure. Was Finn referencing someone within the scope of Season 1, or was he talking about someone/something we'll see in the future? (cause it makes me wanna think he was referencing Urgot potentionally)

At the end of the Bridging the Rift, y'all mentioned wanting to expand to other Runeterra regions in animation. Will these new series be anthology to Arcane, or will it be directly/partially carrying on some of Arcane's plotlines?

When and if there are more animated shows outside of Piltover and Zaun, is Fortiche willing to make these projects or can we see different animation studios throwing their hat in the ring? (ie Japanese studio animates Ionia series)

Alex:

Heh, I wondered if this stood out to anyone. There is someone he's referencing, who does capitalize on Silco's death, though I don't know if this will be apparent in season 2. It's one of the things we wanted to connect, but didn't feel was important enough to sacrifice some of the other scenes we wanted.

No specifics to report yet, but we do hope we'll be able to feel a connection between different stories we might tell, even if the camera moves to a very different place.

We love working with Fortiche and (hopefully) vice versa. We also want to explore a range of styles for League content. The question is how to best have the capacity to deliver stories regularly without diluting the quality.

Q: Will there be information about Orianna somewhere in Arcane?

Will there be hints in Arcane Season 2 about Warwick's creation?

Will Janna have any mention in Arcane?

Amanda: Yes! (not sure if a yes to all three or a specific one)

212 notes · View notes

lostheretics · 2 years

Text

PLOT TWIST (2)

▸ chapter 2; la vie en... rose?

pt 1 || pt 2

✵ cast : jung wooyoung x fem!reader, ateez, few characters from a certain world... you might know them (vincenzo characters)

✵ genre : romance, marriage life, eventual angst, suggestive, mafia!au, non idol!au

✵ summary : oh how time flies. how far you've become, and who you've become. and in that time, you've meddled with your captors, now family— ateez. you knew you should be ready for a life not so normal, far from fairytale ones with ateez, knowing their background. but you realized; maybe you've been wearing your rose-colored glasses for too long to truly understand them.

to become even more.

✵ notes : it's been 7 months... i caught covid twice, etc etc but i swear i'm trying to write. can't promise for the upcoming parts to come out fast, but i guess, enjoy.

p.s i really need to make my own poster/pic but alas— gif credits belongs to the owner.

p.s.s DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. what to do instead? give ur thoughts, REBLOG.

☒ warnings: i don't think there's much... just depictions of mafia life, a lil harsh word here and there. minors dni still.

☒ i do not condone mafia acts nor any acts that goes against the law at all. everything mentioned are just purely fiction, made to entertain myself and fellow readers in this particular platforms.

☒ do not repost this on any other platform without my permission!

✓ reblogging, liking, and commenting this post in tumblr are much more appreciated.

some say time is absolute, with every minute and every second that counts. some say time is nothing but a mere illusion, that it doesn't really correspond with physical

you decided to believe the latter.

because nothing can explain how it flies so fast; one morning jung wooyoung proposed to you, one blink away and you're in a white dress, in church married to the said man, another blink of an eye and you called him your husband.

it felt like a blink of an eye, and yet here you are, a wife of jung wooyoung for nearly a year; according to the calendar, that is.

you're quite sure that time is merely an illusion, because everything happened so fast; yet you could remember every single thing that happens within it. how you wake up next to wooyoung every morning, seeing his puffy face and hearing his raspy morning voice, nagging him to get up early so that hongjoong would save his own nagging for another thing other than your husband. a year, and you've known every nook and cranny of the mansion you've lived in with your husband and the rest of his brothers in crime.

each and every day just like now, you'd drive to wooyoung's main workplace, a small place just in the outskirts of the town. it was a designated place for ateez's new recruits to mostly build their fighting abilities and make these new people become a part of the mafia. wooyoung has always been in charge of recruiting new people and teaching them anything that needs to be taught, along with jongho and sometimes, san, because he likes to hangout with wooyoung. a year and you've learned enough about ateez.

hongjoong is the captain, the boss, the head of the group and the main face of ateez.

although everyone is basically hongjoong's right hand men, they agreed that seonghwa serves as hongjoong's main right hand. he would do big projects and watch over ateez's biggest business. he would also serve as vice captain.

yunho used to serve in the human resources department with wooyoung, but he's found to be more diligent with transportation and weaponry. both in usage and knowledge.

everyone silently agrees that yeosang has one of the most important role in ateez. ateez wouldn't have been there, or become this big if it wasn't for yeosang and the kang industries which he and his sister manage together. kang industries manages drugs development and sales, a business that his father left for his children including yeosang. he took business classes and medical once, but left both in pursuing his business and mafia career. he serves as the public façade to cover up ateez's dirty business, a casual medical crew, sometimes ateez's bankroll, accountant, et cetera. anything he can work on, he'll work on it.

mingi, along with yunho, works in weaponry. but he's entrusted more with the computers, either hacking, collecting or calculating the data. sometimes serves as the spy too.

spying jobs are left mostly on san, because the man is basically a shadow. he knows everything, will find anything, and can trap anything or even anyone.

jongho, the youngest is the most flexible of all. he works in human resources, mostly teaching newbies to fight as he has the ability. he's strong, he understands his weapons, he works fast, and in silence. only speaks his mind out in his home.

then comes wooyoung and his social butterfly trait. like what has been said before, he recruits, and taught the new recruits whatever needed to be taught. he is loved and respected by the workers within ateez, and even by his own brothers. compared to others, he might have the lowest rank of all, even though ateez never really go with ranks unless to other people outside the eight brothers.

but you love him, nonetheless.

too deep in thought about life, you didn't even realize you've reached your destination. you park your car near the warehouse and got out of the car. you walk to a small door, guarded by a big muscly guy with a foul look in his face. despite everything that looks bad on him, when he sees your figure, he quickly stands aside and open the door for you.

inside, a couple of men stood inside available boxing rings and practice their fighting abilities. the whole place reeks of sweat and blood, but nothing is really new to you. you walk further inside, and found wooyoung practicing some movements with some newbies.

"woo," you called out to him.

one syllable in one certain voice is all that jung wooyoung needed to hear, just to know that it's you, his dear wife. one year of marriage and love taught him that.

wooyoung quickly turn his head to your direction, a grin plastered on his face. he walks to you in fast paces, quickly engulfing you in his arms.

"woo— ew, i love you, but you reek of sweats," you slightly pull away from the hug, but both of your hands still encircling his waist. he chuckles, "yeah? but you love me still. and don't you dare lie to my face, you like me drenched in sweat and in these tank tops, right?"

there's no point in lying, he's right. he does look hot with that black tank top of his.

"whatever," you finally say, "anyways, i brought food. are san and jongho here?"

"jongho just went home. san is here, but," literally, jung wooyoung, who just shouted with domination here and there to the recruits in the warehouse, pouted in front of you. "i wanna have lunch just with you. just the two of us in my office, not with san third wheeling us."

"i heard that, asshole." san chimed in ever so suddenly, looking at wooyoung up and down with annoyance in his eyes. "also, hi y/n. i'm up for your food any time."

"she's my wife, san. not yours." wooyoung deadpanned.

"ouch, you used to call me baby too, wooyoung, so shut up and let me have her food. she's basically my wife too now." san answered, "right y/n?"

you laughed at that, but resolves to giving san his own portion of lunch, "go on, have some, but leave me to him. i really don't wanna hear him nagging at me out of jealousy until midnight."

"i'm not jealous!"

"good joke, woo," san mocked him, then turns to you and smiles warmly, "anyway, thanks y/n! i'll eat the rest with the new kids. you two, go being all lovey dovey all you want in the office."

with that, san walks away from the both of you, followed by the rest of the recruits to the common room for lunch time. wooyoung grabs your free hand and guides you into his office. as soon as the door closes he quickly engulfs you in another hug, this time accompanied by a kiss on your lips, which you replied back with a kiss.

"how's your day?"

you both chuckle to that, knowing you'll both have the same answer to that, "same old, same old."

most days are played on repeat, together you'll eat, sleep, go to wooyoung's lair, eat, sleep, et cetera.

but the other days might be another story to tell.

'hey baby, uhm, you didn't answer my call so i thought i'd leave a voicemail. this is a super not fun info because something suddenly came up. hongjoong hyung sent me with yunho and mingi out to japan, uhh, i still don't know what's up yet. but everyone's basically have their own work, and that includes you.

hongjoong hyung, seonghwa hyung, and yeosang want you to go to yeosang's office. like asap.

—oh! and i love you babe. call me or leave a voicemail soon okay?'

some days are like this.

slow and unsure pace as you walk through the grandeur of yeosang's company, to his office. security greeted you on their way, noticing who you are as you stepped into the elevator. you pressed floor 43. yeosang fears high places, and you still don't understand why he chose the highest floor for his office.

CEO kang yeosang

of kang industries

you gave a knock before turning the doorknob and step into the room. seonghwa, hongjoong, and yeosang all turned their heads to your direction.

"come and sit, y/n." hongjoong commanded. you quickly did as he told.

"what's happening? wooyoung told me something came up so suddenly." you asked, sitting across hongjoong, next to yeosang.

"babel comp. that shit jang hanseok broke things up between us. he tricked us with some paper company from japan, run by a group of yakuza. i sent yunho, mingi and wooyoung to watch around in japan." hongjoong gritted his teeth, clearly pissed with the current problem. he stood up and ruffled his hair out of frustration.

"it costs us 50 million won." seonghwa added. "could be more."

tired of beating around the bush, you spoke, "and what do you want me to do?"

you didn't mean for the words to come out like that; as if laced with sarcasm, with pride. to come out so sourly to left hongjoong wordless and turning his back on you, his shoulder slumping a little. seonghwa and yeosang keep their heads down. reading the air around, you're quick to understand their guilt.

you did tell them not to work with babel before.

however hongjoong persisted with his own ideas and as captain, no one can really say no to him. not even seonghwa. you fully understand why he did that. trusting you, even after a year of marriage with wooyoung was a heavy task for him. you came from nowhere, had no significant background, and then took one of his brother's heart, entering ateez. the others might love you, though seonghwa and yeosang are more on the timid side.

but to hongjoong, you're an outsider.

an outsider who somehow understand how the underworld works, proven by how your words and actions saved the organization many times. despite hongjoong being skeptical and denial most of the times.

you didn't bother to count their mistakes. you're willing to work for his trust, that is.

"which branch of babel did you work on?" you asked, which yeosang answered. "babel constructions."

"thank god. you should stop worrying over it, then. with or without our play in it, babel constructions and babel overall is going to fall into shambles." seeing hongjoong's yet again skeptical look on his face, you added. "it's not a secret that they're going through many legal —or should i say, illegal issues now. especially babel chemicals and construction. i think that's why he's using some paper company to trick us.

the other secret is that there's a problem between jang hanseok and his brother, jang hanseo. there's a rumor going around about hanseok's dirty work, and unsavory stories about him killing his father and took everything from hanseo. there's also rumor going around that hanseo is asking for help from the underworld. he's not as powerful as his brother, but his voice is still heard."

"nothing is written nor signed legally on a paper between babel and you, so that's a free move for ateez," sitting forward, you cleared your throat. "my advice is to send seonghwa to japan. it's about time we strengthen our connections there anyways. work with the yakuzas, find the yakuza working with jang hanseok. negotiate, and if needed, set boundaries and resort to violence to assert dominance. but stay safe, please." you said to seonghwa, "yeosang,"

yeosang looked up to you, awaiting your next words, "kang med&chem manufacturers is standing strong. going against babel chemicals in their weak moments is going to be a challenge, but one that we can do. assert dominance. take over the market and trades. send san to sniff around babel, find anything about them, and to offer help to jang hanseo. send jongho to japan and send mingi home to help san around."

"babel is not gonna give ateez their 50 million won back, so i suggest we take over babel as whole. they have many assets outside of their money and that's gonna be a good thing for ateez to have." you concluded.

"wouldn't that be too hard? too risky?" seonghwa chipped. you nodded.

"it could be. but not if san found a treasure we can use against them. not if we join hand in hand with jang hanseo. not if we mobilize some friends. like stray kids, a little help from the lee family."

hongjoong turned his head around hearing the name, "the lees?"

"i heard lee's uncle or whatever put some money in it too. the police are gonna find out soon and deemed them as part of babel's dirty work. you know the lees, they don't like it when things get messy or if they lose money." you explained, "and since you put the first effort, they only need what they lose be given back to them and with a little bit of extra. babel will still be yours, ateez connection to japan gets stronger, the lees as friends. play your cards right and you'll get everything."

"what do you say, hyung?"

upon yeosang's question, he and seonghwa looked over to hongjoong, awaiting for his approval. the said captain seemed to hesitate for a while, before he turned his body and stared at the three of you, finalizing his decisions.

"do as she says. report to me and y/n daily, even for the smallest inconvenience." he said, "starting from now."

"i'm taking the soonest flight to japan." seonghwa stated. he bowed to the rest of you before walking out of yeosang's office to perform his duty.

yeosang did the same not long after seonghwa. "i'll prepare for future deals and takeovers. i'm heading out."

they left you alone with hongjoong.

not wanting to sit around too long in an uncomfortable air, you sighed and stood up, wanting to leave, "i'm going back home. try not to overthink things, and i'm always available if you need me again." you assured him.

you were about to turn the doorknob when hongjoong turned around and hurriedly called your name, "y/n."

you watched as he walks in a slow pace towards you, looking defeated yet still held his head high. he put his hand on your shoulder gave it a tight squeeze.

"come with me to the auction tomorrow. there's gonna be a lot of important people there. i need you to do something for me."

you raised your eyebrows, "those parties are for the known people within the underground world. i know people, but people don't know me. i'm still a shadow, hongjoong."

"then i guess it's time to bring you under the light."

"what do you want me to do?"

hongjoong chuckled and smiled curtly, "don't rush. you'll know tomorrow. take it easy."

you nodded, though unsure. "okay." you turned back to go on your way out of the office when hongjoong blurted out the words that had you stunned.

"thank you y/n. and i'm sorry."

"i'm not used to this attitude, cap. you're scaring me," you laughed though a bit forcefully, trying to ease the thick serious air around. yet hongjoong didn't budge, still staring down at you with a pair of guilty but prideful eyes, voice still within a serious tone.

"i hope you understand why i did it. you came out of nowhere, you claimed wooyoung's heart, as that punk said," he chuckled, "but before all of that, and until now, he's my brother. no matter how annoying wooyoung can be, he's my family. despite how strong and reckless he can be, i know he's... the weakest out of all of us. you gave him a weak point, y/n. and that's not something that i like."

"but... getting rid of you would be a nuisance too. it seems wooyoung loved you too much and the rest of us liked you enough. that gives me no choice but to start accepting you. what i'm saying is... i don't like you, but i'll try. for wooyoung."

"so... does this mean i'm off the hook or what cap?"

"one wooyoung is enough, not you too." his voice sounding full of defeat, out of joke, of course, almost sending you on the verge of laughing your back off. you thought it's not time yet.

you reminisce on those days. the littlest act you got from hongjoong because he refused to interact much with you. a look of hostility and not an ounce of trust in it. it was tiring constantly living on a thin ice with him around as captain. no one could do anything, not even when the rest of them already welcomed you, not even your own husband. all wooyoung could tell you every night was 'let him take his time, his pace has always been different than us'. you'd like to think how it'll feel when hongjoong finally accepted you.

you look at his face. it was rough with little wrinkles here and there, yet still exudes pride and can induce fear from anyone he wanted, made from years of working in the underground world. years of beating up and being beaten up, of constant wars and darkness. ateez' captain. your captain.

you'd like to hate him, but not with what he had in mind. he wanted to protect his loved ones, including wooyoung. and for that, you're more than willing to forgive him for the inconvenience he caused you. for that reason only, you could start feeling that respect running within you upon hearing his name.

"walk out with me, y/n." hongjoong chirped, breaking you out of your thoughts. pushing the door open, the both of you walked out of yeosang's office. on the way to the elevator, he offered you his left arm, which you take with slight hesitation. however, instead of going down with the elevator, hongjoong took a turn and brought you to the emergency exit leading to the company's rooftop.

there was particularly nothing there, just dirty concrete.

"didn't know this place has a rooftop..." you murmured. hongjoong only chuckled. he took a deep breath before speaking again.

"look around. tell me what you see."

and you did as he told. "nothing in particular. other buildings. concrete. they could've done something to make the rooftop better, i guess." you shrugged.

"good. now tell me where are we standing right now."

"yeosang's company rooftop. kang industries."

"and how good kang industries is?"

"compared to government owned or companies of long history, i'd say it's strong. it holds a significant percentage of this country's market, both domestic and international." you answer as best as you could.

hongjoong nods. the night wind blew his neat hair and rendered it messy, but he couldn't care less, when he pointed his finger to a certain corner of the rooftop.

"i was already with seonghwa when i met yeosang. the company was already unstable when he wanted to join the brotherhood, rebelling against his family. at that corner, yeosang pledged his loyalty to the brotherhood," hongjoong explained, then continued. "that same corner witnesses how we treated mingi when he almost died on one of our heist. yeosang sewed him up himself. we hid here for a couple days, while police were still hot on our tails. i could hear their sirens blasting in the city even though we're up so high in here."

"at that corner i realize we weren't strong enough. but we have the base to be so, heck yeosang even has a company. i wanted us to be strong, and all of us made a pact there. that we'll do better. that we'll surpass good, that we'd be the monster. that, no matter how small we look, we'll be unbeatable, untouchable. and even if someone could beat us, we'll be remembered as ateez the fighter, who fights until the end. soldiers. brothers even in the darkness." he said. then he turned at you, staring down at you with his dark eyes. both of his hands moved to grab your shoulders, keeping you in place. "we came from nowhere, before we finally became who we are today. once again, i hope —no. i need you to understand, y/n. ateez is more than a mere mafia group."

"we are brothers bound by blood, tied at souls. and to become a part of ateez..." he pressed, "is to stay loyal. with all tears, sweat, blood. with everything that we have. and until death. can you do the same to us?"

for a moment, there was nothing but silence.

and in that moment, everything that you believe about hongjoong, you retract them all back. in that moment your mind worked with all its might to change your perspective of kim hongjoong.

he's not a man, he's not just a captain.

kim hongjoong is a fucking monster.

one that's willing to break anything to protect his loved ones. to hunt down anyone of anything that disturbs them. he'll eat anyone alive if they ever dare lay a finger on him. he'll kill, and will let anyone get hurt if it meant to protect them.

if he promises his arm, he'll cut and pay it with his whole arm. a man who never breaks an oath.

both your hands moved on their own, latching onto hongjoong's at your sides. you gave his hands a squeeze before giving a short answer.

"yes."

hongjoong nods in satisfaction and understatement. yours might be a short answer, but he understand still, what all of tonight's conversation meant to you. he understand what kind of thoughts you were having right then, the reason for the choice that you've made and promised to him.

you only had wooyoung in mind.

undoubtedly, wooyoung is a part of ateez. and if you have to give anything to ateez for wooyoung, you'd do it in a heartbeat. you'd do anything for ateez.

for wooyoung.

(to be continued...)

taglist: @thisisnotangel

i legit... did not sleep.... not just for this, but like— you get the drill.

life, in the form of college is catching up on me and im abt to bust my head open. BUT GUESS WHAT it was like on and off and on and off and im like??? "okay then start writing, fill in those gaps" but instead im filled those gaps with anxiety. and covid. and other things but writing —😤😤😤

regardless, i still want to finish this story. so bad. i have the greatest idea in my mind abt this story im abt to cOMBUST IF I DONT LET IT ALL OUT—

anyways... sorry for the wait... and enjoy.