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abbyromanoff · 10 months

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Hi 👋🏻 could u write gpWanda x reader x gpNatasha where Wanda is r gf and she doesn't know how to fuck reader properly so she ask Nat for help and N fuck r while W is watching?

I'm sorry if there are mistakes, english isn't my first language

ACQUAINTED

PAIRINGS: Wanda x reader, Wanda x Nat, Nat x reader

WORD COUNT: 3,697

WARNINGS: therapist/patient relationship, perv!Nat, nat and Wanda have dicks, subby!Wanda, Miss (N), threesome, exhibition, voyerisum, degrading, praising, breeding, therapist!Natasha, pet names, smut (obvi), pining, cunnilingus, dry-humping (kinda), bottom!R, top!Nat, Nat treating R like an object,

NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN!!

Wanda sat on the couch with Natasha in front of her, sitting at her desk with a notebook in hand. The walls were painted a soothing gray, only adorning a few pieces of artwork. She had been seeing Ms. Romanoff for close to a year now after you suggested the idea of therapy, already having one of your own.

“I don’t know, it’s just hard I guess. I mean, I love them so much and I see myself having a future with them, but-” She paused, rubbing the back of her neck and adjusting her potion. Nat hummed, waiting for a response but speaking up when receiving none.

“But, what?”

“I- I want to- well, we don’t really-” She didn’t know why she was so nervous all of the sudden, she had been able to tell Nat almost everything but this seemed to be different.

“Trust me, I’ve most likely heard much worse here, whatever you say is confidential and free of judgment. Just take your time.” Wanda sighed and nodded, trying to figure out the words in her mind before speaking.

“I guess I just want to spice things up, you know? And don’t get me wrong, the sex is great but- but they were the first person I’ve ever done it with. I’m just scared they’re not satisfied and it worries me to think that I’m nowhere near as good as their past boyfriends or girlfriends.” She shrugged as if it wasn’t anything serious, but it was to her. She was a giving person, all she wanted was for you to be happy and well-pleasured, she wanted to impress you. But there was nothing to show off with, she had no skills in that aspect, that’s what she thought at least.

“Okay, that’s understandable.” Nat started. “Have you ever tried, say, having a conversation with them about this? I know you’re not great with communication but maybe just asking them what are some of the things they like or maybe even expressing your worries, I’m sure they’d listen.” She knew you would, but the idea of bringing such a thing up felt uncomfortable. She didn’t hate the thought of sex, but she hated the thought of talking about it. It felt like watching a sex scene on the television with your parents right next to you.

“I know they’d listen, I just don’t know how to, like, bring it up.” Wanda watched as Natasha moved her pen gently against the piece of paper, writing something down that she wished she could see.

“Alright, well, what if you invited them to a session, possibly our next one? We can bring up our discussion and your worries and maybe it could help ease them.” She spoke with such gentleness that it always made Wanda even more nervous. You had picked up on the way she’d always come home with a blush and a small smile after her appointments, but you just assumed she was happy to see you. And she was, but that wasn’t the full reason for her expressions.

“So it would be like couple’s therapy?”

“Yes, pretty much. I’ll have you two both share your sides and your feelings and we go from there.” Wanda could do that, she hoped so.

The one hour ended in what seemed like a few minutes as Nat said her goodbye’s to the woman, watching her leave as her eyes trailed down to her ass. The jeans fit her ass perfectly, it was impossible to stop the biting of her lip and the long sigh.

Truth be told, she had been planning this moment for too long. She remembered when she first ever saw you, Wanda showed her the picture she kept in her wallet of the two of you holding hands that were pointed to the camera with your lips attached in a sweet kiss. Before, she had been slightly upset when finding out that her client had a partner, even with the knowledge that it would ruin her career if she did anything. But then there was you, she didn’t expect you to be so beautiful.

The moment her last client left she went searching through your accounts, using your name to find anything on you. She was embarrassed to say she had stroked herself to multiple orgasms while scrolling through both you and your girlfriend’s photos. She was beyond ecstatic about next week’s visit, she could only hope you’d agree to go.

Luckily, you did. It took a little bit of convincing, when Wanda brought the idea up to you, you were frightened that you did something to upset her, but she quickly rushed that thought out of your mind. She didn’t tell you what exactly it was for, although you assumed it would be nice. You knew Natasha was an amazing therapist, she helped Wanda with all the things you struggled to help with. You were only human, and you didn’t have a degree like Nat, but your moral support meant just as much to your girlfriend.

“Wanda?” Her head shot up at the sound of Natasha’s voice, she quickly grabbed your hand and the two of you walked into her office. She closed the door behind you, her eyes catching a quick glimpse of your body. You were even better than the photos, she couldn’t wait.

“And you must be Y/N if I’m correct.” You nodded and shook her hand, giving her a warm smile as you removed your coat. Wanda did the same, grabbing yours and placing it on the coat rack in the corner of the room.

“So, I’m assuming Wanda has told you why you’re here?” When she looked down at her knees where her fingers rested, nervously picking the skin off of them, she knew her answer.

“Uh, not really. I was a little bit hesitant about this, but she told me there was nothing to worry about, so I’m hoping it’s nothing bad.” You shied away from Nat’s eyes, feeling a blush rise to your cheeks at the woman’s clear attractiveness. You didn’t exactly know what her therapist looked like, but now you wished you had done your research beforehand. She was stunning, breathtaking.

“Well, I can assure you that you have done nothing wrong, honey, there are just some topics we’d like to approach if that’s alright with you.” You nodded and interlaced your hand with Wanda’s, giving a small squeeze to assure her you weren’t upset. She had been planning what to bring up since the moment she left last week, but it seemingly all vanished by now.

“Do you have a therapist or a counselor of your own, Y/N?” It started off with simple questions, ones that you’d expect. That was until she started asking about your relationship and prior ones too. You shifted in your seat as she continued, feeling the immense pressure with both of their eyes on you.

“Now, tell me, Y/N, do you feel satisfied with Wanda?”

“Of course, I do. She’s such a great woman and I can really feel her love, I haven’t ever had someone like her.” You could see Wanda smiling next to you and you joined her. You truly loved this woman more than anything, you wanted to marry her someday and you hoped she thought the same.

“And sexually? Do you feel sexually satisfied with Wanda?” You nearly choked on your spit from her words, nervously chuckling in hopes to redeem yourself. She noticed your expressions and tried reassuring you, holding back as best she could when she patted your knee.

“It’s nothing I haven’t heard before, trust me. It’s normal to feel a sense of discomfort in these situations, but I promise that everything here stays confidential.” Her voice was able to soothe you and calm your nerves.

“Uhm, I’d say so, yeah. Obviously, there are some…things I’d like to try, but we haven’t approached that.” She nodded, as if she wanted you to go on. You didn’t know what to say, your words were stuck in your throat. You were experienced with the topic, but it wasn’t one you openly shared or talked about with others.

“Would you say your sex life is more vanilla than you want it to be?” You loved Wanda, you really did, but she wasn’t the greatest when it came to your intimate moments. You could feel her love through it, but you wanted to see her rougher side, you knew she was holding back on you.

“To be honest, yeah. I kind of like things to be a bit more..kinky, you know?” You could see the redness on Wanda’s cheeks and the tip of her ears as she shuffled her feet around. You felt sorry for making her embarrassed, but that’s why she brought you here in the first place.

“What would you consider kinky, darling?” Her pet name had your lips quivering ever-so-slightly before you came up with a response.

“I guess I just wish she was a bit more rough with me. And don’t get me wrong, I love that I can really feel her care for me but sometimes I just want her to, like, use me.” Nat scooted her desk chair closer to you two, placing her hand on your thigh softly. Wanda was still silent, she was probably too scared to speak up.

“You want to be used, Y/N?” You nodded slowly, feeling your eyes drift to her lips. You felt so dirty looking at her the way you did your girlfriend, but you also knew she was doing the same.

“Hm, who knew such a sweet little thing could be so dirty?” You could feel her hand rubbing small circles on your covered skin, her eyes staring deeply into yours. She trailed them over your body, taking all of you in.

“Does this turn you on, honey?” You nodded once again. “Yeah? Me touching you while your girlfriend watches, that makes you wet?” You gulped down your arousal as you felt her thumb teasing your clit through the fabric, your legs instinctively opening for more.

“Kiss them for me, Wanda; act like I’m not even here.” You looked in the brunette's direction, watching as she snuck glances between the two of you. She placed one hand on your cheek and the other on your lower back as you leaned in for her lips to meet yours. You moaned into the kiss as Nat rid you of your pants, dragging her fingers across your panties and smiling at the wet patch adorning them. The noise allowed Wanda’s tongue to slip into your mouth, the intrusion causing you to groan in pleasure.

Your fingers ran through Nat’s hair, pleading her to come closer. You could feel her hot breath teasing your slit as she slid your panties to the side, small kisses being pressed against your clit.

“Please, Ms. Romanoff.” You pulled away from Wanda to catch your breath, your head resting on her shoulder. Your eyes landed on her crotch as you noticed her palming herself, her hips bucking into her hand.

“You’re such a good girl. Say, why don’t we give Wanda a little lesson, okay?” She smiled when you complied without a thought in your mind. She stood up, guiding you to join her as she removed your shirt, grinning when she took notice of your lacey bra.

“It’s Wanda’s favorite, I was going to surprise her tonight.” She huffed out a chuckle and reached around behind you to unclasp it, shuddering as it fell and you were left in nothing but your panties.

“I’ve been wanting to fuck you for so long, baby. Now I can finally get my hands on you.” She had been so desperate to be alone in her office with the both of you, she wanted nothing more than to mark you both as hers.

She led you to her desk, her kisses trailing from your neck to your chest where her lips wrapped around your hardened bud. Your back was met with the wooden table as she lifted you to sit on it, her palms lingering on your soft thighs after she guided your last piece of clothing off of you. She parted them, dropping to her knees in front of you and staring up at you with lust in her eyes.

“Watch closely, Wanda.” You looked over to the woman at the mention of her name, biting your lip with hunger as you noticed her unbuttoned pants and her hand hidden inside of her boxers. She shuddered when you cupped your breast, using Nat’s saliva to help create a small rhythm.

Nat blew a teasing breath onto your pulsing clit before leaning in, taking the bud into her mouth. She sucked delicately, soaking in your moans and twitches. She was too engrossed in your taste to take notice of her growing erection in her pants.

“Oh, you look so pretty on your knees for me, Miss.” It was clear that she was still the one in charge, but her need for you was so great, she couldn’t care if she seemed weak. Wanda, while feeling a pang of jealousy, couldn’t deny the heat that was growing in her stomach. She felt as though she would burst any second, but she was trying to hold back. Her thumb would occasionally brush over her tip, causing her eyes to squeeze shut.

“Look at me, Wands; watch me.” She pried her eyelids open willingly, nearly whining when she saw you wrap your legs around her therapist’s head. You grinded into her face as her tongue tortured your hole, diving in and out repeatedly. She groped your ass in order to push you closer into her, her nose poking at your clit.

“Fuck! Fuck- right there, yes!” You covered your mouth with your hand in order to silence yourself, becoming ashamed of how loud you were. Neither of them were complaining though, they thrived off of your noises; it brought satisfaction knowing that they were the reason you were in such a deep state of pleasure.

“I’m- I’m gonna cum.” Nat smirked into your cunt as you were brought over the edge, your head falling back and your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Your silent screams filled the room as Nat continued to lap up your juices, Wanda watching with the wish that she was the one tasting you. You were addicting, a drug that she couldn’t get enough of. Every sway of your hips, every lick of your lips, every noise, and every word that left that sweet mouth was so alluring.

You were suddenly pushed to lie down, feeling the lumber underneath you bruise your back. You leaned up on your elbows to admire the woman as she undressed herself, running her hand through her short hair once as to fix what you tugged.

“Tell me, love, have you ever heard of breeding?” You nodded, receiving a slap to your cheek. Wanda widened her eyes at both the words and the rough contact, is this what you meant? Is this how you wanted her to treat you, like you were some no-good slut?

“Yes, Miss, I have.” She hummed, guiding her tip through your slit and gathering the wetness as a replacement for lube.

“When was the last time you ever pleaded to milk Wanda dry, hm? Beg her to slap you ‘till your skin turned black and blue? Or, better yet, when was the last time you got on your knees and asked her in that sweet little tone of yours to treat you like the dirty whore you are?” Your chest rose and fell with every breath you took, each one not feeling like it was enough.

“Never.” You shook your head as you answered, your eyes not being able to meet hers. She gripped your chin roughly, pulling you in close so her nose was practically touching yours.

“What was that?” She asked again, even if she had already heard you well enough.

“Never.” You repeated, this time louder. She clicked her tongue and shot you a disapproving glance.

“Mm, there’s always two sides to the matter. Here Wanda was not knowing what to do because you couldn’t communicate, do you think that’s fair on her?” The way she spoke, the light rasp to her voice was what caused the wetness already coating your thighs to increase.

“N-no, Miss.” She turned your head to face Wanda and she blushed in the moment you caught her. You could notice the stains now coating her boxers and the shameful look on her face; she had peaked with you. You didn’t know how you didn’t hear her, she was usually the louder one of you both. But you guessed that you were too far into your orgasm to care for anything else.

“Apologize to your girlfriend, Y/N, and tell her how sorry you are.”

“I’m sorry, Wanda, I’m sorry for not- not talking about my needs and wants when I should’ve. I’m sorry.” You stuttered over your words as you felt Nat’s cock prodding at your hole, her tip breaking way and creating a small stretch.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry too.” She spoke up, and for the first time this entire session, you were able to hear her voice. It was coated thickly with her Sokovian accent seeing as she had just moved here nearly eight months ago. You hoped it would never go away, no matter how long she lived in this country.

“See? You’re both already doing such a good job.” You both smiled at the praises, seeming to fish for them from the woman at bay. You sent a small ‘I love you’ to Wanda from across the room, although it was only mouthed out. Nat grabbed hold of your waist, pulling you towards her and causing her length to fill you up almost entirely. You gasped at the intrusion, crying out in pain as you clawed at the desk.

She continued to slowly lead you further, moaning to herself as your warmth clamped around her. Your tears only brought more delight to her heart, she could only grin when seeing them.

“You’ve been begging for Wanda to use you yet you can barely even take me? Aren’t you just a pathetic fucking slut.” Her fingertips ran along your face, her thumb rubbing gentle circles as a faux sense of comfort. She then brought them down to your neck, wrapping her palm around it and cutting off your airways. The only thing you could manage to get out were choked sobs and moans. The burning discomfort slowly eased into one of satisfaction as Nat slowly thrusted her hips into you, the sounds of skin clapping together ringing through all three of you guys’ ears.

“Did you know your girl likes to be choked, Wanda?”

“N-no, ma’am.” She chuckled at the title given to her. Her breasts bounced with every movement of her hips, her cock hitting your womb. There was a small yet noticeable bulge carved out on your stomach making her groan, she was so big compared to you.

“Hm, maybe in our next session we can teach Y/N a lesson too, what do you say?” She didn’t need another opinion to decide her answer, it was final. It wasn’t just the brunette at fault, you were required to voice your wants too, even if she’d have to force it out of you.

“Please-” You managed to get out when her hand removed itself from your bruising neck and found a spot on your waist, pressing down harder than before. She was practically resting her weight on top of you, causing the bone to struggle in holding her up.

“Shut your dirty fucking mouth, I don’t want to hear another word from you.” You were close, so close, and so was she. She was forcing her body to hold back, ensuring that you were to finish first.

Wanda’s erection only grew after her orgasm, her greed making her yearn for another. You were the only one who had ever been able to make her cum, she assumed there was no better. Shyly, she walked forward, her soiled clothing still masking her bottom half. She gave Nat a look, asking for permission to which she was granted.

“Don’t ask, sweetheart, force it.” She was so used to constantly asking if it was okay to do something to your body, after all, it wasn’t her choice. Every time you’d say yes, but there was always a nagging fear that you’d not want it and she had forgotten to ask. The thought made her sick, who would ever think to do such a thing?

“They want it, Wanda. Just rub yourself against them- perfect, just like that.” She praised when Wanda held you by the back of your neck and rutted her bulge against your face, the fabric rubbing against her hard length. She whimpered when your hand came up to rub her balls, your mouth peppering kisses over her cock.

“You close, baby?” You didn’t know who she was asking, but you both agreed. You continued to gently suckle while wishing you were able to truly feel her instead of the wrinkles in her trousers.

“Ah! S-shit, cum with me.” You followed her orders and let the coil in your stomach snap as you soaked her cock, feeling her release shoot deep inside of you.

You nuzzled against Wanda as you felt her twitching, only to notice a wet patch forming on her pants. She had leaked through her underwear while itching for more, the knowledge only fueled your pride.

You mewled as Nat pulled out of you, watching as the cum dripped down your cunt, some landing on the desk while other droplets fell to the floor. She didn’t bother looking for her clothes, instead pulling the younger girl in for a kiss before doing the same with you. It was passionate, both kisses were. You could sense the longing and the emotions in it that she tried to mask, only making you chase after her lips for more once she leaned back.

“Shall we plan your next appointment then?”

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neonovember · 1 year

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hiiii

could you write carmy x reader where she’s a high school friend and carmy always had a crush on her (but he thought she had a crush on mikey) ???? like maybe richie brings her up, and that she’s still in town and SINGLE and carmy gets red like a tomato and ??? richie makes her visit the beef and candy almost has a heart attack?? idk give me some in love carmen !!

pretty pleaseee and thank u

so I got this request and I immediately thought of swim by chase atlantic, and specifically the line that goes;

“I’ve been drowning for a minute, your body keeps pulling me in”

And holy shit if that isn’t Carmen in his denial-in-love with a long time friend era, I don't know what is. Carmen tries too hard to forget you, but you've marked permanently, you've ruined him for anyone else so can you blame him for waiting for you all this time?

Seriously though this request was so good! I got a bit carried away and turned into a 2 part series that may or may not have drabbles added to the universe…I really hope this isn't just a load of word vomit you don't want to read lmao. I just love their dynamic so much, and also FRIDAY DINNERS AT THE BEEF IS CANON OKAY.

Golden Boy

part one of 2

warnings: miscommunication (i know i'm sorry), friends to lovers, carmen and the reader have horrible communication skills and don't know how to call, angst, anxiety

a/n: part two will be up hopefully tomorrow so look out! it may or may not include a smut scene 😈

p.s, listen to swim whilst reading this you'll thank me later

You sat hunched in the tight enclosure of the classroom desk chairs, the once loud conversations fluttering across the huddled groups of classmates and friends that stood against tables and chairs now coming to a standstill.

The air of anxious trepidation falls across the atmosphere of the damp classroom, the windows that had been opened to let the air in felt thin as you and the rest of the students you had known for half a decade waited for that familiar ring of the bell.

The bell that would solidify your last day in this classroom, in these run down halls, in the school you had first stumbled into anxious and oblivious at thirteen.

Your heart ached at the nostalgia of it, and you can't bear to cast your gaze to your friends who had begun to sniffle, like they were holding back tears, the grandfather clock your geography teacher insisted on keeping ticked on as it always did, and whilst you had spent years burning holes through the glass, willing for it to go faster, your one dying wish is for the seconds to tick by in minutes.

You weren’t ready, it ran straight through you, all this time leading up, from when you had first learnt your desire to pursue architecture till the moment you finished that last sentence on your final exams, you felt you would be filled with joy at the sound of your true departure into adulthood and college.

And yet, you felt like a kid again, learning how to ride a bicycle without the training wheels, trying to reach the fifth monkey bar, falling headfirst into the dirt ground of the field when you had thought you were more flexible then you truly were.

You didn’t want to leave, you didn't want to leave this place, this place of memories and friends and people you knew and loved. And it was as if God was listening, cause the resounding echo of the school bell rang through the halls and it was as if he said ‘fuck you anyway’.

You gather the haphazard books and papers laying across your desk, you had purposefully delayed packing in order to waste as much time in this memory as possible, before adulthood would take it away and make it something of the past. You hear your friends calling your name, and you tell them to go ahead as you make your way to your teachers desk.

“Hey Mr Jefferson” You say to your teacher has begun to bid goodbye to the leaving students

Your teacher looks up at you with a tight smile, sadness washes over the wrinkles and creases of her features, her auburn hair falling in short waves at her shoulder and her olive lipstick wearing down. You have to swallow to stop the tears from dropping. Your Geography teacher, whilst not teaching Art, had been the catapult to realizing your fascination with Architecture and design. She had even helped tell your parents, who had been set on the idea of you going into Law or Medicine or anything other than creative arts.

“You’ll do amazing, I believe it because I see how hard you try. Don’t look back at this place, leave with the door wide open and come back only when you want to design me a house” Your Teacher replies with a grin, and before you can reply shes shuffling through her drawers, before pulling out a sketchbook that has been aged and stained with use over the years.

“What’s this?” You ask, twisting the book in your hand, it was good quality, despite being old, it felt like an heirloom.

“It’s one of my sketchbooks I had during college, maybe some of my late night sketches fuelled by coffee and donuts might inspire you”

“I couldn't possible-”

“Yes you could, hell whatever you create will probably be 10 x greater than whatever is in there” Your teacher cuts you off with a chuckle, and you hug the notebook tight against your chest before hugging her goodbye.

You step into the familiar walls of your high school hallways, crowds of seniors running to find their friends and hug them for possibly the last time, test papers and report cards left trampled on the ground, it's chaos, but you love it and the sight almost pulls tears down your waterline.

You walk towards your locker, before you recognize the familiar wisps of blond curls catch your eyesight. Carmen. You considered him one of your closest friends, bonding together over a love of game** and your equal hatred of your Period 4 Calculus teacher.

Carmen didn't have much when I came to be friends, and after he met you, it didn't really get to him anymore, he had you now, and you were more than enough. Over the years you had gotten close to every part of Carmen's life, Mickey, Richie, Sugar, they were all people you regarded as family.

But there was something unsaid between the both of you, it was like there was something beyond friendship, but the embers had just gathered and had left unignited.

He’s gathering his things from his locker, shoving them into a bag in that messy way he is, and he slams the locker with a jolt.

You're standing stationary in the middle of the hallway, classmates and other seniors running by you in confusion, your friends calling your name annoyed, but it's all muffled, it all doesn't matter because it's Carm and god your heart aches so bad.

You see Carmen and he sees you, stopping a few meters away from you, and a moment of recognition washes over him as he gazes with those cerulean blues. There's grief in the way you look at each other, tears streaming down your cheek as you try to smile at him, realising this might be the last time you see him, forever, off to an Art school in New York, leaving him behind. You feel like your heart is being ripped from your chest and he shakes his head, his eyebrows scrunching up as he steps closer so that he’s only a whisper from you.

He brings his hand up, brushing a strand and tucking in behind your ear, eyes strained as he wipes your tears away painfully. He moves closer, so that his breath is against your neck and whispers

“Thought you told me you'd punch me in the stomach if I cried on the last day” Carmen whispers into your eyes with a grin that breaks through the tears that cause his eyes to swirl in colour's of waves.

His words make you laugh and cry at the same time, and you shake your head as you reach for his arm, and playfully hit your stomach with it. Carmen rests it against your waist, looking up to you in a pained expression, his eyes shift to the notebook grasped tight in your hands

“New sketchbook? That..doesn't look new” Carmen says, turning his head to examine the old book more closely.

“One of Mrs Jefferson’s, her sketches are..their fucking amazing” You sigh, running your hand across the folded spine of the sketch book.

“Thought teachers weren't meant to have favourites” Carmen shoots out, a playful grin on his lips

“Hmm, well they aren't supposed to tell you exactly” You banter with a giggle, you flick through the pages of the book, half drawn sketches in grey lead and ballpoint, Carmen tracing his fingers gently across the ingrained lines and shades.

“God you're something, you know that?” Carmen says, all of a sudden, and when you look up you realise he’s been staring at you the entire time.

“Bear..” You breathe out.

“I don't know how I'm going to-, I, it's all so much” You exhale, waving your arms around this place that has held so many memories, so much of your past kept in the creaks and cracks of plastered walls and lockers

“You're the only person in this goddamn place that's going to make something out of themselves, I bet my entire life on it Bug. You're going to do amazing, in that big city, you’re going to show em’' Carmen replies, grasping you against his touch tight. You look up at him, trying to memorise every dip and curve of his features, the curl of his hair that shone honey in the sun, those eyes that were always searching, and the small cut on his forehead where he fell off his skateboard that one summer evening.

“Don’t say goodbye”

“Okay” Your tongue feels like deadweight in your mouth. what if i never see you again?

“You say goodbye and it's the end. Just..don’t” I can't breathe carmy.

You can’t stop yourself from wrapping your arms around him, pressing your nose into his shirt to smell the scent of patchouli and cigarettes he always carried, you want to tell him to come with you, to pack an overnight bag and run with you forever, but the words don’t taste right when you try to speak and you see yourself letting him go, and turning away with a shaky step.

Turn back Carmen whispers, so softly that only the gods above and the wind around him can hear it

You feel an urge to turn back, it speaks to you from within, and before you can stop yourself, your neck cranes, turning your body to get one last look at your golden boy before time would take him forever.

Time would age him into a memory forever.

Carmen feels this tension leave his shoulders at the same time his heart shatters, you will find each other again, even if it was in another universe, where you're sitting across from each other at the kitchen table, going over groceries together with the afternoon light casting its glow across you. He will find you, he will find you and he won’t let go this time.

“Honestly Ma, it’s fine, I’ll get the movers to come in a little early”. You groan into the phone pressed to your ear, papers and unresolved bills are left scattered across your dining room table and you have this itch that's begun to turn chronic somewhere you can’t reach.

You take a moment to look around your apartment, now barren of furniture, and filled instead with boxes of badly organised stuff you've accumulated over the years. This place, albeit small, had been your home ever since you stepped out of the yellow cabbed taxi on your first day in New York, and whilst it wasn't pretty, you felt a pang of guilt leaving it all behind. These walls had seen you through it all, the late night study cram’s, the breakdowns, the accomplishments, the one night stands. You'd miss her, but maybe you were just a nostalgic person.

You’ve made a life in New York, but you felt misplaced, like pieces of yourselves were scattered across the states. Chicago kept a part of you, and it was only when you had gotten the chance to move back home, did it click. You missed your city. And you had cut your lease and emptied out the last of your savings without a second thought.

Now all that was left was tying up loose ends and making the trip down. It was funny, in a way. You had run to New York to pursue architecture, and it brought you back to the very same place you had left, there was a certain trepidation when you thought of Chicago, it held so much of your past, in its city streets and evergreen trees, and you don’t know if you were quite ready to face those memories again.

It still smelled the same. You itch your nose, sniffling against the blooming scent of cocoa and caramel from the Chicago roads, all this time, and all that you can tell is how it still smelt like maple leaves and chocolate. It was comforting, and it felt like the warm embrace of a childhood friend that had stayed sitting on the corner of your suburban street corner all this time.

“Thank you Mae, really, I got the call last minute in New York to come back here and if it weren't for you, I’d be moving back into my old bedroom at my parents” You reply, gratitude filling every word. It was true, your friend had swooped in the second you called, fixing you up with a lease and an apartment with her realtor links. She came in a clutch, and she had made you promise to never leave her again in exchange.

“Oh shush doll, of course. This is probably payment for all the times I’ve crashed at yours anyway” Mae winks, the bracelets on her wrist clinking against each other. She didn't look like a typical realtor, more like a bohemian solo-traveller with her filly skirts and auburn red hair.

“I’m not going to let a degree transform my entire wardrobe, my clothes are antiques, their heirlooms, they tell a story”

She had told you once, one late night on the rooftop of your New York apartment, sipping cheap wine and passing a blunt between you both. You wish you had known yourself as much as she did then.

She had visited you a couple times in New York, coming up for work and spending the time at yours instead of spending thousands on an Airbnb, but it had been a while since you've seen her, and all of a sudden you remember how much you missed her laugh.

“I’ve got some time to spend before it’s all hand on deck” You reply, placing the last of your boxes onto the empty wooden floor of the living room.

“Oh yeah? Can’t believe you’re gonna design a whole building on Michigan Av’, your a fucking inspiration Bug” Mae sighs in adoration, and you giggle, the feeling of embarrassment filling you at the mention of your reason back home.

You never got used to the praise and adoration you received over the years, despite your many accolades and awards, you still felt like that hopelessly broke architect student giving up lunch to pay rent. You didn’t remember when things started to change. When did things start to change?

“You know, if you’ve got time, you should check out the Farmers Market near River North” Mae replies, whilst flicking through her phone

“The one on Division Street?” You reply, you had a faint memory of the long strip of stalls filled with fresh produce, food and the rest of the little trinkets that were sold since you were born on the pleated table cloth of sheltered booths.

“That’s the one, this guy named Samson? Makes the best fucking bearclaw in the entire United States. Tell him you're a friend of mine and he'll hook you up…you know since you can't afford it” Mae replies playfully, and you roll your eyes with a laugh.

“Yeah yeah, you hook up with him or something?” You poke back, Mae had the tendency to know everyone in Chicago, from the mailman to the old woman you’d see feeding the bids on a park bench.

“Yeah, actually I did. Not like you could relate, how long has it been, hm?” Mae replies, stepping forward to whisper down at your pants.

“I’m so sorry she hasn't been taking care of you. What are you, mummify her?” Mae looks up from her crouched position with a raised eyebrow.

“Ugh, you know I've been too busy to think about that. She’s gonna have to be patient” You reply, you don’t want to think about how long it has actually been, since you've had any type of release. But the tension has begun to weigh on your shoulders as time went on and you fear it might become something you can’t ignore.

You begin to move some boxes into your bedroom, thanks to your planning your large furniture such as your bed and coach, had been moved into the apartment before the rest of the things had got here, so at least you wouldn't be sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Changing into a pair of dark jeans and a short sleeve top, you loop an embroidered handbag onto your shoulder.

“So, you coming?” You call to Mae, who’s begun to fill your fridge with the groceries she's swung by with.

“Sure would Bug, but got a call to come in. I’ll come by again later this evening though?” Mae replies, with a grunt as she lifts the 2 litre bottle of milk onto one of the drive shelves.

“Yes please, I’m dying for a glass of wine”

“And a blunt” Mae replies, snickering at the way you roll your eyes at her.

Mae offers to drop you off, but you wave her off, telling her you wanted to see a little more of your hometown. You needed some fresh air that wasn't the coffee and smoke scent of the New York streets.

The walk to the Farmers market was a short one, but you felt like you were wading through a current. By the way the memories of your past began to resurface as you passed the streets and shops. Every corner holds a part of you, and you have to rush by your old school to stop the pang of pain that surprises you. You weren't an emotional person, but god it was almost as if you were hanging by a thread the second you touched down on Chicago.

What was causing this? You felt like you were holding your breath as you stepped through the fallen autumn leaves marking the sidewalk, the gentle sun on your back, what were you waiting for?

You tear yourself from your thoughts momentarily when you catch the looming buildings that had been built on ions ago, the infrastructure of Chicago still enamoured you, in a way that couldn't be beaten by even New York’s impossible skyscrapers.

There was a charm to it, each of the buildings felt like you were stepping into a different decade, they had been the stepping stones to a lot of the infrastructure and architecture that spread into other cities. You felt like you were at the start of it all every time your eyes trailed across the facade and arcades of the century old stone buildings.

Without realising, you had finally made it to the Farmers Market, the constant stream of people coming in and out with boxes of produce or hauling wooden antiques with very audible grunts. You can’t stop the smile stretching your face as you step through the embroidered banner at the front of the street.

Despite the many different stalls and food around you, you don't feel overstimulated. This was your home, you felt like you belonged, like a name scratched into wet cement, remaining ingrained for years no matter the seasons that came.

You go over the haphazard list of things you wanted to look for in your mind, but you're caught off guard by a stall that seemed to be huddled by patrons. You step towards it, and as people move aside you see the blooming flowers and carefully wrapped banquets in woven wooden baskets to the side of the stall. A short woman with light brown curls is standing at the front, taking down orders with a grin, whilst a rather tall man behind her makes quick work to wrap delicate orders into soft brown parchment paper tied with string.

And all of a sudden the need to buy pink tulips becomes your first priority. The woman at the front looks familiar, but you can't quite put your finger on where you've seen her, but as you walk up to the front her face morphs into familiar as she looks up at you in surprise.

“As I live and breathe” She says your name with a screech and it's her voice that pulls her name to your mouth. Adeline, a close friend from senior year who’d taught you how to crochet and pick a lock.

“Bug? How've you been? What brings you back to town?” Ade replies after telling the man behind her your order without you even saying a thing.

“Tulips, pink ones right?” Ade grins, and you have to let out a chuckle at how you haven't changed even a little.

“Got invited to join in designing a new building on Michigan Avenue, so I'll be back for a while-”

“Michigan Avenue? Holy shit Bug! You’re making moves, knew you always were special” Adeline replies with a gushing smile and you rush to reply with the same adoration

“Are you kidding, look at this line” You motion to the increasing line of people forming at Adeline's stall.

“People love their flowers” Adeline replies with a shrug before you shake your head vehemently

“No, they love your flowers, and for good reason, look at these” You gush, pressing your face into the bundle of tulips that had been handed to you.

“They only look that good because Henry's so good at wrapping them” Adeline replies with a laugh, her eyes flicking to the brown haired man dressed in corduroy behind her. A look passes between them that tells you there was more than love between them.

“Henry huh?” You reply with a grin, and the man is quick to introduce himself, and you don’t ignore the cold press of an encrusted band on his ring finger as he shakes your hand with a soft smile.

And it's as if Adeline reads your mind and she slips her left hand in yours, looking up at you with a teary grin.

“Yes, yes I know, I should've called, and I’m so sorry-”

You press yourself against her, leaning over the stall to wrap your arms around her. You whisper words of congratulation, shutting down any words that hinted at you being mad at her.

It wasn't her fault, it should be you she's mad at, you hadn’t really made that much of an effort to keep in contact with your friends back at home, and the reality of it weighed on you heavy now, you had missed so many milestones of your loved ones, all to chase your own dreams in New York.

You felt like you were constantly playing catch up, and you couldn't lie when a strange feeling crept up at the thought of your friends moving on with life. You were so incredibly happy for Adeline, and you were even more elated when she had told you of the Wedding in April that you had to come to.

But that didn't stop that same strange feeling of being behind everyone else, you had spent so long climbing the ladder to wear what you wear now, relationships and love weren't even a thought, you filled your nights with studying and drawing and the occasional fling, but nothing more. And now doubts had begun to creep in, had you missed out?

Watching everyone around you get married and have kids whilst you were still drawing buildings in that same sketchbook your teacher had given you 8 years ago. You’re not looking as you walk past the many stalls of the Farmers market, and it is your thoughts again that causes you to accidentally stumble into the hard muscle of a man back. You feel yourself falling, before arm's reach out, grabbing you quickly to stop you from ending flat on your face.

You breath out a sigh of relief, shaking a head at your clumsiness

“God, ‘m so sorry, I’ve just been in my head, I wasn’t looking where i was going-”

“Holy fuck” Your quick to spit an apologetic thanks, you haven't even looked up to see who you've dubbed into, and when the sound of surprise meets your ease you look up, only to be remain stone faced with your mouth left open.

“Richie?” You say, the shock of it is still in the air. You hadn't expected to see him in Chicago, or maybe you did and it was sooner than you thought.

“When did you get back? Holy shit, thought we wouldn't see you again” Richie replies with a smile

“Yeah uh, came down for some work for a little while. How, uh How are things” You reply with a squeak, you can’t bear to say what you're thinking and Richie nods, a look of acknowledgement in his face. Mickey’s death had shaken you, it had changed you in its own way, and you still grief him, it still hurts when Richie's face kinda falls and melts at the reminder of his best friend's death.

“After, uh, after Mickey, he had left the restaurant, you know, the Beef?” You nod in agreement, the hazy memory of the sandwich shop on the corner of Chicago's, busiest streets, you stomach rumbles at the thought of one of those sandwiches you'd down in less than a minute during your high school years.

“Yeah well, get this, he left it to Carmen. And honestly, I was hesitant at first, real hesitant, I love him, but god, he's a self centred ass coming in like he knew everything, spewing the bullshit CDC shit he learnt up in the big apple? He changed things, and you know how I feel about change, but he made it better, I can;t lie, and you better not tell him this, but the Beef actually..” Richie’s familiar rambles are muffled to your ears, the only thing you can hear is Carmen.

Everything zones out as you scrunch your eyebrows, wincing almost, at the pain and it shocks you, it shocks you how the very name of him still brings back those memories. You still hurt the same way you did the day you left him.

You must have looked out of it, as Richie shakes your shoulder, anchoring you back to the present, and you have to swallow back the bite of pain that bleeds through your chest.

“Did you hear what I said? The Beef’s holding a little family dinner tomorrow, shutting down the shop early, inviting only friends and family, it’ll be like a little reunion for you! You have to come” Richie replies, and you nod trying to seem present.

Carmen took over the Beef? He was in New York? What?

Your mind is scattered with the uproar of questions you have, the thought of Carmen, the memory of him is like a fresh wound. It un tethered and opens up a thread of thoughts and emotions you had thought you bottled up and threw deep into the ocean.

“You, you still talk to him right? Ya’ll were pretty close growing up, like fucking thieves attached to the hip if i can remember” Richie chuckles, fondly remembering the two of you.

You cough back, smiling up at him as you trying to reply coherently

“Yeah, uh sometimes you know” You lie

No. You haven't spoken to him since you left, and it feels like your tongue falls dead when you try to say his name again. You hadn't called and he hadn't picked up. Carmen told you not to say goodbye, but the truth was it had been the end of you even before you had both realised.

You had spent years pretending like Carmen not calling you, not making an effort to see you after everything didn’t burn, but the reality of it had marked you in a way that felt eternal.

“So you're coming, yeah? You and Carmen can finally catch up” Richie replies with a smile, and look of something passes through his eyes before it leaves, and you have to smile back with a nod, like you and Carmen were still close, like you don't feel that he might turn you away or scream at you the second he saw you, like you weren't both irrevocably in love with each other.

Bear. You missed him, you are shocked by how much you do, you thought bottling up your memories and emotions about him and stuffing them so far back into your mind you forgot would actually change anything. There had always been this lingering thought, at the recesses of your mind, the last thing you imagined before you fell asleep, the feeling that filled you the second you came back to Chicago, it was all Carmen, it was all your golden boy.

And now you would have to see him, in less than a day you would be in the same room as Carmen Berzatto, you don't want to say it, you don't want to speak it into acknowledgement but deep down, you wanted to see him again.

Beyond it all, you both were bonded in friendship, sharing something you didn't even have with Adeline or Mae, and you had felt like a part of yourself was missing each day that went passed without hearing from him. Had he forgotten you? Had it been as hard for him to go on with life? He had been in New York for christ sake, he didn't even think to visit you, that thought alone made you want to run back home and never come out.

You couldn't bare the possibility of exposing yourself to such heartache, to the chance of being rejected by the very person who you forever longed for. You were always searching for him, looking through crowds to see the familiar curl of his brown hair, or the scent he carried, ears always leaning in, trying to see if it would catch his syrupy baritone voice.

The two of you were forever connected, like the roots of trees spanning miles under the Earth. The kind of companionship that transcended time and space, and god did you want to feel the sharp edge of his jaw between your hands.

You couldn't stop it now, Richie had opened something you kept locked and sunk for a reason, and now it felt like you would break if you didn't see Carmen. Even if it would break you, even if it was the one thing in this world that would destroy you,

You had to see your golden boy.

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unalivejournal · 6 months

Text

imagine a tumblr simulator set in the velvet goldmine universe lmfao

2 notes

🎹 wilderatz Follow

DNI if you still support br*an sl*de after the shooting hoax. what he did was fucking unacceptable and pathetic. the panic and heartbreak on the dashboard that day was absolutely traumatizing. and the fact that it was all for cheap publicity makes it even more despicable. if you HAVE to listen to his records the least you could do is buy them secondhand

#so glad curt never cut that record with him

186 notes

⭐️ glittersisgay

i got new boots! seeing the flaming creatures tonight :-) life is good

4 notes

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼 wildemons Follow

sorry but the sladewild narrative is CRAAAAZY. like imagine you start off as a nobody performer and becoming enthralled by this rockstar after he shows up your act and you end up becoming famous by being inspired by his stage presence AND YOU BECOME FAMOUS ENOIGH TO GO TO AMERICA AND MEET THIS GUY AND YOUR LABELS START FABRICATING A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN U TWO TO GENERATE PUBLICITY FOR YOUR NEW ALBUM BUT THEN YOU ACTUALLY FALL IN LOVE AND HAVE TO KEEP IT A SECRET BUT THEN THE PAPARAZZI FINDS OUT AND YOU HAVE A HUGE FALLING OUT BUT THEN A FEW WEEKS LATER YOURE SPOTTED IN THE CROWD AT THE DEATH TO GLITTER SHOW

♻️ 🦷 roxytunes Follow

lmfao WHAT are you talking about. swear to god i’m sick of you invasive freaks trying to make things up about real peoples lives. the part about the labels trying to market slade and wild as a couple isn’t even true. yes they were heavily publicized as close friends but they never admitted to being in a relationship. also receipts on brian being at the death to glitter show???? stop spreading false information

♻️ 👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼 wildemons Follow

anyways watch out for my new sladewild maxwell demon tour era fic that will be published in my next zine 💋

#my mutual was literally next to him in the crowd.

58 notes

🪩 girlboydragdemon

at the Sombrero Club with the glamrocktuals YAYYYY

♻️ 🪩 girlboydragdemon

Hangover.

#we may have made. mistakes. #also we think brian slade’s former manager was in the booth behind us

11 notes

🌟 venusinpurrs

♻️ 🎸 balladofmaxwellsemen Follow

WHY ARE WE PITTING THREE BAD BITCHES AGAINST EACH OTHER

♻️🌟 venusinpurrs

better question WHY ARE VENUS IN FURS LOSING GUYS CMON ITS OBVIOUSLY THE RATS

♻️🌟 venusinpurrs

do you people hate dykes

244 notes

💋 jack-fairy-fan51 Follow

Anyone else feel like this Tommy stone guy showed up out of nowhere?

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❇️ 20th-cxntury-bxy

Well…. it’s been a fun time on the road with Malcolm & co. (@/theflamingcreatures) but in the months following the hoax and the death to glitter tribute I’ve been feeling more and more inclined to move on. idk. i know there’s still an active tumblr community but in the real life scene it feels like everyone’s just…. given up. I’ll be starting a new job soon and won’t have a lot of time to post. Might delete this blog in the near future. remember to support local shows and keep being yourself

#a.journal

0 notes

👨‍🎤 lipstickkissedelbowglove

word on the street is that mandy slade divorced brian???? lmao get his ass

♻️👨‍🎤 lipstickkissedelbowglove

[#finally i have a chance with her]

you’re funny if you think any of us on this site have an inkling of a chance with her

2,658 notes

🎸 balladofmaxwellsemen Follow

Just found this on the sidewalk. does anyone know what it is?

7 notes

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tojipie · 7 months

Note

hi there!! love you truck driver toji series and i was wondering how he would react to you music by yourself? instead of listening to whatever he has playing y/n just ends up opting for playing music on their phone with earphones? would love to see your take on the situation :3 thank u and have a good day!!

ur so sweet thank u anon :(( this is an old draft from the summer (oopsie) hopefully you see this! mwah

truck driver toji series here

warnings: none!

────────────────────────

autumn trees zip by in your peripheral like fireworks, their red and yellow leaves just starting to wilt in the midst of autumn.

you’d begged toji to take the scenic route this time, wanting to see the foliage before winter got a chance to set in. it was your second job of the month together, and one of your last before he’d be able to take days off.

the last two weeks had been spent lugging construction material from one coast to another, spending every moment together in the head of the truck as your anniversary neared.

you’d been secretly planning to get him something for the big day, although you’ll admit your past ideas hadn’t really been compatible with how often the two of you were away from home.

toji’s phone is plugged into the aux, his head nodding along to the beat of a song the two of you both loved.

if you played your cards right you might be able to finalize your gift today.

you hum along for a bit, stuck on autopilot as you grab your headphones from the center console and decide to pull up a podcast on gift-giving.

toji shifts a little, eyeing you with curiosity.

your head leans to rest against the cold glass of the passenger window, feeling the bumps and turns of the road reverberate in your skull.

“do you not like my music?” he asks, voice a little softer than usual.

you take out one of your earbuds, confused.

“what?”

“is— like do you not...” he pauses, not sure how to communicate his feelings over something so small.

your attention is drawn to the rhythmic tapping of his thumb against the steering wheel, a habit that came up when he was nervous.

“you can always change the song if you want.” he offers, voice even softer somehow.

you laugh adoringly, watching his eyebrows raise at your odd reaction.

“you know i love your music.” you tell him, feeling him finally relax as your press a kiss to his shoulder.

toji unhooks the aux and plugs it into your phone instead, finally realizing what was up at the title of the podcast is pasted onto the radio screen.

“ah shit.” he laughs, rubbing your side as an apology.

“hey i mean don’t let me stop you.” your boyfriend jokes, turning the volume up and pressing play on the touch screen.

“i win though.” he starts, smiling at your look of confusion.

“cause’ i’ve been storing your gift at home for a month.” he cackles triumphantly, blocking your hand as you swat at him.

#adah’s asks #truck driver toji #truck driver!toji #truck driver toji x reader #truck driver! toji #fushiguro toji #toji x reader #jujutsu kaisen #toji fluff #toji drabbles #toji hcs #toji x reader fluff #toji x fem reader #toji x fem!reader #toji headcannon #toji headcannons

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the-californicationist · 7 months

Text

he finds a safe house

You and your captain have lost communication with the rest of the team in a terrible blizzard. When you stumble upon a ghost town, you take refuge in a safe house...and each other.

TW: scars, one bed (ish)

AO3 Link

“Ghost! How copy? Riley, come in!” Price shouted into his headset.

You were sending cover fire over the fallen tree that you and your captain were hiding behind. Unfortunately, you’d been separated from the rest of your team. Soap, Ghost, and Gaz were on the other side of the large, icy ravine, and they had done a good job drawing the enemy away from the target zone. Price kept trying to connect, but there was too much snow cover. A nasty blizzard was rolling in, and you needed to find better hiding spot, quickly.

“Captain! Enemy has been eliminated. We need to find shelter,” you tried to pull him up off of the ground.

He looked up at you, frustrated,

“Aye, Corporal, but they’ll be back. We need to find a way to warn the boys.”

“Look,” you showed him the map on your datapad, “Laswell said there’s an old town…I think she called it Khabnoye? It’s been abandoned for years, about two klicks away. There might be some old technology, radios, whatever. We can reach them on some long-range.”

“Alright, let’s move.”

It was a short distance, but the terrain was brutal due to the snow. You made it there by nightfall, and carefully approached the outskirts of the town, following Price’s lead to scope out possible enemy combatants. There was no one in sight. It truly was a ghost town, and you were justifiably creeped the hell out.

A small house was mostly intact near the very edge of the town, plenty of empty space around its edges, and only one broken window. You began to sweep the rooms, of which there were only three, noting that its prior occupants had left in quite a hurry sometime in the late 80s. You were fighting a nameless, secret war inside of the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone, so most of the towns you came across were similarly abandoned.

You stood in the kitchen with Price, catching your breath and unpacking your bag. He was starting up the small, convective space heater checking for high levels of radiation in the room, making sure it was sustainable for the night.

“Alright, let’s go dark. No lights, no comms until we get a better idea about what happened,” he said in a low voice.

“Yes, sir. I did get a notification from Soap, but the message is unreadable,” you showed him the datapad before you powered it down.

He sighed,

“At least we know he’s alive and stable enough to send comms. We’ll work on connecting when this storm blows through.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Drop the formality, Sparrow. Not spending the whole night listening to your sirs.”

He was upset. The operation was ruined, and he had no idea where his team was or if they were even alive anymore. You said nothing, letting him unpack two MREs and prep the bags for you. You checked the other rooms. There was a tiny, filthy bathroom without running water, and a bedroom with a dingy full mattress without sheets. You set to work arming the windows with night vision motion cameras - much good may it do you with all this snow - and rigged the front door.

“No use,” Price muttered, digging into his chili and beans MRE, starving.

“Why? You think we’re safe here?”

“No tracks in or out. No trash younger than me, and no pings for ten miles,” he showed you his passive EMP monitor, “Our tracks are covered by now with the storm. They’ll assume we rendezvoused back at the base. It was closer and easier to access.”

“Closer? Why’d you come here then?”

“Base might be compromised,” he shrugged, “Couldn’t reach McTavish, so we can’t assume anything at this point. Might as well get comfortable and wait til morning. This’ll clear once the sun comes out, and we’ll send an AM ping.”

You sighed a breath of pure relief,

“I know I’ve only been with you guys for a few months, but honestly, I don’t know what’s more impressive, your technology or your level-headedness under insane fire. Feeling very much like the amateur I am, Captain.”

“You handled yourself well out there, little bird. I’m impressed,” his praise rushed through you like adrenaline, and you basked in it.

“Thanks, Cap,” you smiled, drinking the broth of your soup and packing up your MRE trash into its bag.

“You smoke cigars, love?”

It was midnight before you even considered going to bed. You and Price had stayed up in the kitchen, smoking and chatting in the dark, only illuminated by the glow of your ashes. The snow fluttered down outside, layering itself on the ground like a pile of white sheets. There’d be at least two feet of it at the door tomorrow morning.

“...and I got this one in Amsterdam, chasing some smugglers out of the wharf. Motherfucker stabbed me right through the arm. Missed the bones, thank Christ. But, that’s not the bad one.”

You were telling each other stories about your scars, and you were in all states of dress. It was warm with the space heater, and you were comfortable around each other. Aside from admiring the mountainous swell of his shoulders and chest, you tried not to think much of it. He was hot, but he wasn’t interested. You just had a small crush. It would pass.

Okay, maybe a big crush. But, you had some self-control.

Some.

“Oh,” he leaned across the table to get closer and look at your arm, “What was the bad one?”

You blushed, not that he could see it in the darkness,

“It’s in a certain spot. Not sure you want to - ”

“Don’t make me beg, little bird,” he smirked, rolling his eyes at your modesty.

He was right, of course. You weren’t sure why you were shy.

Liar. You were shy because you had an enormous, filthy crush on your commanding officer.

You tucked your elbow beneath your shirt and pulled it up over your chest, showing him your sternum,

“This one. It’s a - ”

“Flare burn,” he whispered, his demeanor changing from jovial to serious very quickly.

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

He was silent for a long time. You watched as Price too a big mouthful of cigar smoke before letting it billow around him, looking like a big, brooding dragon in the quiet room.

“How’d you get it?” He asked, avoiding your question.

“Enemy trap. They rigged the door to blow a flare. My vest, all my plate, none of it mattered. The flare burned so hot that it cut right through the gear like butter. If it wasn’t for our medic knowing that he needed to knock it out, I would’ve died. Three weeks in the med bay. It was bad.”

Price reached out slowly, almost as if not to scare you, and touched the circular wound. It wasn’t sexual, but that didn’t stop you from immediately feeling aroused by having his hands on you. You shuddered involuntarily, and he jerked his hand back. The silence in the room was suffocating.

“Sorry, little bird,” he whispered his apology, “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” you chuckled, taking a drag of his cigar for yourself, trying to calm down, “Uh, no.”

“What?” He prodded, not realizing what truth he was asking you for.

“It’s nothing, sir,” you stood up from the table, trying to escape, and forgetting you were in a 200 square foot house.

He stood with you, reaching out to touch your shoulder. You sighed into his contact against your will, feeling the stress of the day melt away as he did.

“It just…” You tried to throw him a hint, “Feels good, you know. To be touched. Been a long time… sorry, sir.”

“Told you to swallow those sirs, little bird,” he whispered in a low rumble, putting his other hand on your other shoulder, grabbing you gently.

There was very little space between your bodies now that you were away from the table, standing in the no-man’s-land between the bed and the kitchenette. It smelled like sweat and tobacco and 1987 in there, and you were breathing hard, nervous and desperate for him to do something to you that he couldn’t take back.

“Sorry,” you said under your breath, not knowing what else to tell him.

Price lifted your chin up to meet his eyes, grabbing your jaw firmly, but gently. In the blackness of the night, the moon reflected only a little of his icy blue eyes, and the glow from his cigar made his face appear sharp and saurian. You didn’t expect for his touch to be so light. Just hours ago, he’d snapped a man’s neck with these same hands, and now he was passing the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip like you were the petal of an orchid, careful not to bruise you.

“I’m trying,” his breath was ragged as he confessed, “I promise, I’m trying to let it go, little bird.”

“Let what go?” You put your hands on his hips, trying to steady yourself, feeling dizzy with lust and fear.

“My desire,” he put his forehead against yours, closing his eyes, struggling, “Turn me away. Please, little bird. End my fucking torment. I’ll never mention it again. I swear it.”

You kissed him, pressing your lips into his chastely but firmly, enjoying the heat and the smoothness of his skin, the smell and the feel of his beard, coated in tobacco smoke and his own sweat. The comforting spice of the chili lingering on his mouth. He breathed in like you’d pressed a hot iron brand into him, blissful pain radiating through his body, pulling you in close to his chest. He deepened the kiss, slanting his mouth against yours, moving your skull with his powerful jaws, leading you, commanding and strong in his desire.

“Love, don’t…don’t do this. Not unless you mean it. I’m bloody beggin’ you.”

You smiled, resting your nose alongside his, kissing him again slowly and carefully before answering him,

“I mean it, John. I mean it.”

#captain john price #captain price #john price #captain price x reader #captain price x you #cod mw2 #cod mwii #call of duty fanfic #cod

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everythingmp3 · 10 days

Text

in good hands

adult!Van x fem!reader

working at Lottie´s retreat has its regular routine, which suddenly gets disrupted when you cross paths with one of her old friends. lucky for Van, you are in a giving mood and might just know how to help her unwind after a stressful day.

warnings: minors dni. smut, reader "tops" but just lightly

author´s note: hii it´s been a while since I’ve dropped a Van fic but I found this in my drafts and edited it a little bc I thought some of you might enjoy it during our painfully long wait for season 3! so here u go, something lighthearted <3 (this is set during 2x7 when they’re all off doing their little therapies, a brief Lottie appearance at the end)

people might have assumed that the way you found your job at Lottie´s compound was some exciting story, but it really wasn´t; nobody recruited you, there was nothing cult-like about it, you simply needed a temporary job and had found it online.

they were going to pay well, on top of giving you a whole cabin to yourself, so the decision to send off your resume and accept their offer had been a very easy one. the place was serene and refreshing after coming there from your place in the city and your new boss, Lottie or “Charlotte” as everyone called her, seemed sweet in both a maternal and sisterly kind of way way. you could see why everyone was enthusiastic about the community she´d created there, but to you it was just a way to earn money, you didn´t buy into the whole spiritual aspect. still, you were glad to play along for anyone who wanted you to, agreeing with others that your time there was very “transformative” and that you were eager to create a “safe space” for any guests that you worked with.

still, some nights it all got a little boring and lonely, about a month into it, you almost felt like you were living in a monastery: no friends, no internet, no junk food, no way to let loose and it didn´t help that hardly anyone at the camp was on the same wavelength as you. you got along with everyone but nobody stood out to you as someone you´d wanna get close to, have fun with, get in trouble with, so you were left to your own devices; sometimes you stole some liquor from the dining hall and drank that on your own at your secret hiding place that you´d discovered about two weeks into being at the compound. it was a spot in the woods, you had to walk about five minutes to reach it, an old bench close to the lake, nobody ever bothered you there.

one day you were particularly tired and exhausted, people had unloaded a lot of emotional bullshit onto you, so around 7 pm you were ready to escape and to have at least an hour to yourself, just sitting there on that bench listening to the birds and trees, zoning out, trying to let the stress of the day go.

while you were already there, Van was still deciding where to go to be left in peace while drinking what she´d just gotten out of her truck. wherever she looked, she saw people dressed in purple who absolutely would not approve of her plan, so her last resort was going into the woods. she almost laughed to herself about how ironic it was, that the day she reunited with her old friends was also the day she went into the woods for the first time in ages.

she was hoping to maybe find a large tree stump she could sit on, but a few minutes into walking she saw something she didn´t expect: you, sitting on a bench. at first she thought fuck. that would have been perfect. for a moment she wanted to turn around, but once she saw that you weren´t wearing purple she got curious, it also helped that you looked rather attractive, even from behind, so she decided to stay. Van didn´t want to startle you, so she tried to sound very calm and polite as she approached you tentatively.

“sorry I really don´t mean to bother you-” you turned around, taken off guard, a little annoyed by the fact that someone else had found their way to your spot, but once you saw Van you knew immediately: oh that´s not a guest. you were confused, she could tell, “I´m a friend of Lottie´s, I was just looking for a place to chill for a moment, but I can leave” your gaze fell from her striking face to her hand that was holding a bottle of what looked like tequila, so a smile spread across your face, “oh no, it´s okay! you can sit if you want. if I can get a sip of that..” you said in a mischievous tone. Van nodded, relieved you didn´t mind her presence, she came over and sat down, handing you the bottle, “here you go. so are you..” you realized you hadn´t told her anything yet “oh right, I work here. so.. shhh” you held an index finger to your lips, grinning, before you took a big sip of the liquor, exhaling after “yeah this is good”, she smiled, eyeing you curiously, “so, I take it the job isn´t all that easy huh?”. you shrugged, looking back at her, realizing how hot she was now that she was sitting so close, the faint scars on her face somehow adding to it, “oh it´s fine, really, this beats any of the other jobs I had so I won´t complain to you. but you know... the whole enlightenment and personal growth obsession does get annoying sometimes.”

she laughed, realizing that you might be the exact person she was looking for, someone who shared her suspicious mindset, “okay I take it you´re not a “believer” then?” you shook your head “nope, absolutely not, I am here to earn money and help people. that´s it, I´m not looking to see the light or whatever the fuck” you took another sip, she let you, more interested in your thoughts than getting fucked up, increasingly glad she had the guts to approach you, “I see. and how do you help? what´s your job title?”, you passed her the bottle as you explained it, “well. I am sort of a physical therapist but the amateur version, nothing super medical, just massages and stuff like that, helping with tension or soreness or just general discomfort.” she didn´t expect that, “really? so you´re good with your hands then?” the moment she said that she realized how shamelessly suggestive it was, but before she could backtrack she saw a flicker of intrigue in your eyes, a pleased smile as you answered, “you could say that, yes”. it dawned on you then that she also found you attractive, and you were starved for genuine excitement, for pleasure, so you challenged her, staring into her eyes, intensely “I mean, I can tell from looking at you that you could also use some help physically” she raised her eyebrows, things were getting interesting“oh really? how so?”.

without warning you reached out to squeeze her shoulder, feeling her wince, “yeah, just as I thought. tense as hell”, an authority to your voice, you saw right through her and she felt her face flush, your grip was harder than she expected, it was turning her on. “well driving for about six hours straight will do that” you were sympathetic then, “oh okay, that´s a lot. I mean, I´m off the clock but I could make an exception if you wanna let me try something” you smiled, kindly, a sweetness to your tone, but not without a certain danger in it, she could tell, and she was getting nervous, but what did she have to lose? so she said “sure. okay..” you nodded, determined, gesturing for her to turn her back to you, “right, please tell me if anything hurts too bad” you instructed, her face burning up by then from the anticipation of your touch.

“you have really nice hair” you said, drawing out the really for emphasis, as you moved it to the front so it wouldn´t be in the way, letting it spill down her chest as you placed your hands on her shoulders, near her neck, slowly pressing your thumbs down through the fabric, “oh thank you” she said, her voice giving away that she was almost a little shy then, it felt exhilarating, to have a hot stranger being that that attentive and charming out of nowhere. the surroundings helped her with relaxing, the sun was setting and the sound of small waves crashing on the shore close to you filled the air. the moment she felt your fingers digging into her flesh her whole body reacted, at first it hurt a little but then she realized you knew exactly what you were doing, there was a distinct skillfulness she could detect, so her muscles relaxed into your palms.

“good?” you inquired, sort of cocky because you knew it was, her eyes were closed by then, “hm, yeah, feels nice”, her voice was smooth and deep, you almost told her to keep talking so you could hear more but instead you silently, diligently continued your touches, moving towards the space between her shoulder blades, pressing down enough so the circles you were drawing could loosen her up, you wished you could have touched her bare skin, a few noises of discomfort escaped her but you could tell it was the good kind of pain, the kind that signaled to you that her body was reacting well. after a few moments of silence and focused pressing and squeezing on your part, she spoke up again,“the people here are spoiled as hell huh? getting treated like this by a pretty girl” you perked up then, your hand moving up to her neck, your touch lighter, almost sensual, closer to a caress than a massage, she could tell that it wasn´t something you´d do to any guest, “did you just call me pretty?” you said, leaning close to her, your head almost resting on her shoulder then, your voice playful, she still had her back turned to you, Van knew there was no going back from that,“well. you are.” she said, matter of factly.

“wanna say that to my face maybe?” you teased, tapping her to signal that she should turn around, which she did, slightly disappointed that you´d stopped touching her, giving you an intense look, “you´re that starved for compliments huh?” she teased back, tilting her head, “I am starved for a lot of things” you were bold then, her expression shifted, a sudden need came over her as she scanned your face, her gaze involuntarily stopping at your lips, “I can tell”, her voice somehow even deeper than before, sending a shiver down your spine. you did not have any shame left in you by that point, moving closer to her, close enough to feel her breath, pressing yourself against her a little while staring at her, your hand on her thigh, “you know. I can think of something else that might help you relax..” she almost blacked out for a second as you said that, your hand placement killing her, your breath on her neck, she had no idea how you´d figured out that she was into being overpowered by other women, but it felt too good to push back. you were almost purring at her as your hand wandered down to her zipper, undoing it for her, but her own hand moved to your face then, grabbing you rather hard, stopping you, “jesus maybe give me a kiss first” she whispered as she pulled you in and you immediately matched her eagerness, her soft lips a thrilling sensation, both of you clearly worked up by that point, kissing turning into making out within a split second, neither of you holding back with the desperate sounds that left you, for a moment Van had the upper hand, feeling you turn needy from her touch, and since you´d initiated she had no problem taking advantage of the fact that you weren´t wearing a jacket, she reached under your shirt and grabbed your chest firmly enough to leave bruises, forcing a whimper out of you, it had been a while since she´d hooked up with anyone and she groped you in a way that made it very clear, taking what she wanted without much regard, but you liked it, feeling wanted like that. once you pulled away to try and breathe, you resumed what you´d started doing before, making sure she was fine with it, “can I?” you sighed against her cheek, breathing her warm scent in, hearing her take unsteady breaths, she nodded, “hmm” a sound of approval, so you pushed your hand down her undone jeans, slipping your fingers into her underwear, the heat of her skin already delicious before you even went further down.

her hand was gripping your arm with force as you did this, the moment your fingers met the wetness that had collected from her arousal you let out a barely audible “god..”, it was all you wanted in that moment, to feel her growing even wetter, so you slid two of your fingers between her lips, getting them all slick before slowly moving them up and down, really savoring it, hearing her moan a little, followed by a soft “fuck”, her nails digging into your skin by then, you couldn´t keep it that slow so you added some pressure to it, some force, the way you knew it felt best from masturbating that way, paying attention to the rest of her body too, kissing the side of her pale neck, all the way to the middle of her throat, which was easily accessible since her head was tilted back in pleasure. you focused on her clit then as you briefly ran your tongue over her neck, making her whine from the double intensity of your fingers and your mouth, “you´re so fucking hot” you sighed before kissing her again, feeling her struggling to kiss you back, in disbelief over having someone so your type practically melting into your hands.

“fuck don´t stop” she begged, as you found the exact right rhythm, her clit throbbing by that point, “go on, cum for me” you cooed as you felt her losing her composure, her hips moving upward to meet your hand, a desperation to it, so you did your best to really put all your strength into the last few moments of getting her off, her underwear a soaking mess by that point, she bit down on her lower lip as she came, almost drawing blood, your face deliberately near hers to hear the sound of her climax, “that´s it” you praised as you slowed down but still kept touching her, getting your fingers covered in her juices even more, the heat and velvety texture a sensation that almost got you to cum as well then. Van was so dizzy with heat that even those light lingering touches felt heavenly, but finally you let go, trying to regain a sense of where you were and what had just happened, a satisfied grin on your face as you looked at her, her face all flushed, her cheeks glowing red as she zipped up her jeans with unsteady hands, shaking her head as she returned your look.

“I think am starting to like this place..” she uttered in a breathy tone, you smiled, "good, I am doing my job right then”, she nodded, grinning, “yeah, I think you really found your calling” enjoying the attention you were showing her with, the afterglow of the endorphins that had unexpectedly rushed her tired body. “oh fuck I think the others might be looking for me by now” she realized that it had gotten dark, her phone was still confiscated of course, so Van knew they might get worried if she randomly disappeared without a trace.

“right, okay, I should get back too I think” you said, standing up, suppressing a laugh as you saw her struggling to put weight onto her still slightly shaky legs, “oh you´re enjoying this huh?” she said, pushing you forward as she approached you, “if I wasn´t running late I´d get you back right now”, you blushed at the thought, “is that a threat?” you asked as she caught up to you, “maybe” she uttered, adjusting her hair and clothes. “well in that case, if you do end up staying here, my cabin is number 7. if you wanna follow through on that”, she couldn´t believe how bold you were being, but it did thrill her, and after a day like that, driving home at night seemed awful, so she thought why not stay until the morning? your offer made it much easier to abandon her escape plan “sure, I´ll keep that in mind” she said, meeting your eyes one last time before you were on the camp grounds again, walking towards the main area.

"you know I saw you guys earlier. in the parking lot", you confessed, "you did? well, believe it or not that was the first time I have seen most of them in like.. 20 something years", that was not what you had thought, "wait really?", "hmm." , she couldn´t help but take the chance of maybe making you feel a little jealous, "actually one of them is my ex. to make things even more awkward..", you laughed, "damn, you have more going on than me, that´s for sure", she looked back at you then, "really? nothing fun you´ve gotten up to here so far?", you shook your head "couldn´t you tell, with how I ambushed you just now?" she laughed, "right, no, it was kinda obvious."

the moment you approached the road that lead to dining hall, you could both see Lottie making her way in your exact direction and let out a simultaneous, “fuck.” as you saw the tall brunette looking straight at you. Van would have to talk to her but you took the easy way out, whispering a “good luck” to her as you excused yourself, avoiding eye contact with Lottie as you passed her, only a brief wave and barely audible “good night” as she was busy fixing Van with her gaze, the look of someone who was about to start an interrogation, her arms crossed. of course she could tell, that blush on both of your faces, the way Van looked at you as you walked away, it was clear as day what you two had been up to. once Van stood in front of Lottie she decided against an apology or justification and went straight for a joke to try and diffuse the tension.

“I think you should give that girl a raise”, she said, Lottie nodded and raised her voice, “oh I am sure I fucking should after whatever it is that you just made her do”. Van protested, acting offended, “made her do?? I´ll have you know that your worker pursued me, thank you very much”, and Lottie couldn´t help but crack a smile then, shaking her head in disbelief, “you know I expected a lot of things to go down when we all reunited earlier, but this was definitely not on the list”. Van shifted her weight, an almost girlish expression on her face then, “well. I mean if it makes you feel better, coming here definitely did help me relax”, “you know what, if that´s what it took then I´m glad. not that I´d ever pimp my workers out on purpose but hey. what happens happens” Van nodded, “exactly. also, you can´t act like you´re so holy, don’t tell me you’ve never seen a hot girl around here and.. considered things” Van teased, Lottie gave her look that said careful, “believe it or not I don´t have ulterior motives” Van laughed, “sure, you never do.” a familiarity to their exchange that made both of them feel a little nostalgic, in the end Lottie was just glad to see Van smile, after all this time she could tell that life had worn her old friend down, and if having some fun with a pretty girl could get her spirits up, who was she to judge? “okay. ready to go back to the others?”, “no.” Van answered, dryly, Lottie smiled, “me neither” as she linked arms with Van and dragged her off to where the other four were waiting.

as they walked Van tried to keep it in mind, “number 7”, the cabin that she might have to casually walk past later that night.

#van palmer x reader #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #van palmer

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idlerin · 1 year

Text

I JUST WANNA FEEL YOUR PRESENCE

celebrity!akaashi keiji x f!reader

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

the ikarus incident (band au)

+ word count: 3.8k

content — light angst, fluff? fluff!, insecurity, and akaashi keiji being hopelessly in love w u

AKAASHI KEIJI didn’t mean to make you feel neglected. You knew that. You knew that. Maybe you could even talk to him about how you’re feeling when you could actually find the means to contact him. Which isn’t anytime soon. You’re hitting your fifth anniversary this weekend and you weren’t even sure if he could make it. You understand of course, it’s not like he could stop a whole event just because his girlfriend wants his company. You weren’t the selfish type, you’ve never been. You would feel guilty if that were to happen. It’s just that, it’s been six months since you’ve last had a proper conversation. Six months filled with missed calls, late texts, ‘i’m sorry’s and ‘it’s okay’ except that it wasn’t. Just because you understood didn’t mean you could shake off the irrationality of wanting his attention.

“You should focus on yourself more, [name],” Kaiya tells you through the phone, you’ve turned to her for your– as you say– immature problems, “Okay, listen to me, you’re always putting others before yourself, try to catch a breather. Your problems are not irrelevant just because they seem quote en quote immature. You’re allowed to whine once in a while, you know? Stop keeping all of your feelings bottled up.”

“I know,” you slump on your bed, placing your phone on your bedside table so you could comfortably place your arms around yourself like the sad lonely potato you are.

“You say you know but I know my advice is going through one ear and out in the other,” Kaiya deadpans, you hear rustling and you could only assume she was baking again.

“To be fair I don’t exactly know how to focus on myself more. You know I’ve always been a bit of a people pleaser and liked to well, focus on others,” you rub your arms as you stare at your ceiling, recalling your high school days. You’d like to think you were tough, but only on the inside.

“A bit? You used to do every favor anyone’s asked of you before I stepped in and made them all shut the fuck up–” you cut her off.

“But what if they really needed my help!” you even used your hands to make a gesture to fully emphasize your point even if she couldn’t see you.

“They were taking advantage of you. There’s a difference between helping someone once and acting like their bell boy.”

“They were our seniors.”

“They were assholes.”

“Assholes are a bit harsh of a term.”

“See! You haven’t changed, maybe just a bit, thanks to yours truly. But you’re still so pure I want to put you in my pocket sometimes and take you away from my brother.”

You laugh, not really believing her when she calls you ‘pure’, “Thanks for distracting me, Kaiya,” you say softly instead, you weren’t even sure if you were heard on the other line.

“You’re welcome, always. I’m sure my brother’s going to show his face to you anytime soon.”

“I hope so,” you murmur.

He doesn’t.

It’s your anniversary.

The time 11:52 PM flashes on your home screen.

You bite your lower lip to stop the tears from flowing as you grip your phone. You’ve been waiting for a text or call from him all day. He was in a different district this week for a fan meeting, lucky fans, you can’t help but think of it in spite. Lines and lines of them, you could only imagine how exhausting it was to entertain them all. You guess he was just too tired to remember your anniversary. Because let’s face the truth that’s been bugging your mind all day, he forgot. He forgot.

He forgot but you were still hopeful enough that he would remember before the day ended.

He forgot and it’s–because his world is constantly moving and it feels like yours is only revolving around him.

He forgot but you understand.

You could think of a hundred different ways the day could’ve been a bit better. And all of them involved him communicating with you in some type of way. But perhaps he really was just too caught up with work. You understand.

But it hurts.

And it’s not okay.

You’re not okay as you tuck your knees to your chest and let yourself cry for the first time in months.

Akaashi only realizes his mistake the next day when he sees the date. You knew of this with the way he frantically called your phone. You merely stared at the screen flashing his contact name, and honestly, you weren’t ready to talk to him yet. As much as you should answer immediately and shout at him for forgetting such an important day, you couldn’t find it in you to show a bit of anger. All you could feel was defeat.

So you stared at the screen, not making a move to pick up your phone. You were willing to suffer the incessant sound of ringing until.. until…

Until he realizes you weren’t going to answer.

It was as difficult as you thought. Ignoring Akaashi Keiji wasn’t something you were good at, but something you were good at, was restraint. It wasn’t difficult since he was miles away from you and it’s not like you weren’t already suffering from the bare minimum of conversation from his side for months. So you’ve managed to hold up the wall, a wall that’s in the brink of shriveling up and collapsing on you because how could you practice restraint when he’s on the other side of the door and not on the other side of a phone.

“[name] can we please talk?” you missed that voice, you clench your fist, there was nothing you wanted more than to open the door and immediately gather him in your arms and say you forgive him.

“I’m sorry,” ah, that word again, how many times have you heard that from him now? But what else could he say or do? There was surely nothing that could soothe you. Akaashi knows you well enough for that, “I’m sorry, please open the door so we can talk.”

You stay silent, giving yourself the privilege of thinking it over.

“Alright.. It’s okay, as long as you’re listening it’s alright, you’re listening, right, my love?” it wasn’t something to gauge out a response from you, because you were heavily intent on giving him the silent treatment.

“I didn’t mean to forget about our anniversary, the event was held up until 10 and right after the band and I had a meeting and I lost track of time. I know that it sounds like an excuse. I'm sorry, there isn’t anything that would justify what I did. I haven’t been a good boyfriend at all these past few months, and you deserve better. But can you please not give up on me?” his voice cracks and you swallow down the words you want to say to reassure him with instead because Akaashi was overthinking these past few days just as much as you, your boyfriend and you were similar in that regard, but you aren’t exactly sure if you could provide reassurance you would mean.

You open the door so abruptly Akaashi almost stumbles inside, the result of leaning on the door. You gather up your courage to look him in the eye enough so your knees wouldn’t grow weak. You were always soft and weak whenever you were around him. Most of the time it would feel like bliss but right now it was only a painful reminder of how you would take whatever he could give you, no matter how much it would break you.

But Kaiya was right, you needed to focus on yourself more.

Akaashi’s eyes lit up the moment he finally catches a glimpse of you but when he saw the look in your eyes he understood immediately what you wanted to convey without saying anything. You gulped trying to control your emotions as you reached for one of his hands so you could grasp it in both of yours, this was your way of saying sorry. A tear slips and you become a silent crying mess in front of him as he tries to process everything.

“[name], are you thinking about.. do you want to break up with me?” Akaashi says it in a fragile tone, it shattered your heart, you didn’t.. mean to.. you didn’t want to feel like this. You just couldn’t help the sobs that rattle your chest, him saying it outright makes it feel more real. That you were actually going through with it. Breaking up with him. Something you’ve thought of thoroughly between these days of silence.

“I.. I,” Akaashi gulps, “It’s.. okay, if you want to,” you watch as his jaw tightens and his forehead ticks for the slightest second, he was trying to act normal for you, so it would be easier, “I don’t want to see you hurt and I know I’ve only been hurting you these past months. If breaking up would be good.. for you, then.. then it’s okay,” he takes a move to take your face in his hands and wipe your tears.

“Ah,” he inhales sharply, you look up to see that he was tearing up too, “Sorry, sorry. It’s just, I couldn’t hold it in,” Akaashi tries to laugh. You attempted to laugh too but it ended up with you shedding more tears.

“Can I hug you?” he asks, “Please?” his voice cracks, your answer was wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

He rests his head in the crook of your neck and that’s when he finally breaks, “[name].. [name] I love you so much.. I.. I don’t want to break up,” he couldn’t control his tears anymore, “Please don’t break up with me. I love you. I don’t want to.. I don’t want to. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I promise I’ll find a way to make it better, I’ll be better for us [name].. please don’t leave..” he hugs you tighter, “..don’t leave me.”

You pat his back, a ridiculous aim to calm him down, this is only one of the few times he’s broken down, you recall a conversation you’ve had with him where he said he could only ever be vulnerable around you, “Keiji,” you say his name as a plead, “I love you.. I love you so much, but I think I need a break from… just everything. But I’m not leaving you, I swear. It isn’t going to be permanent, please give me time?”

A moment where your cries and his intertwine as you clutch his shoulder as if basking in the last moments you could hold him. It just makes him hold onto you tighter.

“Okay,” Akaashi says after a few minutes of basking in each other’s warmth, “..Okay,” he squeezes you once more before letting go.

“Thank you,” I’m sorry, you mean it, as you stare up at him with watery eyes, you take a step back and close your door with shaky hands. Your last sight of him was of his distraught expression and tear stained cheeks parallel to yours..

I’m sorry.

You miss him.

More than ever before.

It’s been 3 months since you’ve broken it off. You’ve cut your contact with him for now but of course you couldn’t truly escape him. His life was just too thoroughly intertwined with yours. You still feel longing for him, but that was inevitable. Things have been better with you, it felt like a step to something better, for the both of you. You’ve tried new hobbies lately, such as your yoga sessions to calm your mind and running every morning. You’ve tried balancing it along with your new job in a traditional publishing house.

Late at night, when you’re all alone and wallowing in self pity you miss him, but you always manage to stop yourself from searching his name on twitter to see what he was up to. It’s been 3 months of no communication and it’s killing you, even if it’s a self-inflicted rule you manage over. But as you said, your lives were too intertwined.

That was why you’re standing in a corner in the Akaashi family reunion beside Kaiya who was arguing with her cousin, who, when left, turned to you.

How could you resist an invitation from Mrs. Akaashi, his mother? She was way too nice to you and you’ve always attended Akaashi family gatherings, what would be your excuse to not attend, surely not anything good enough, but you didn’t even attempt to say no. Because you did want to go.

“The two of you are so obvious,” your best friend rolls her eyes.

“Huh?” you ask, confused while eating a hotdog an auntie gave you.

“My brother and you are. so. obvious,” she points her stick where a hotdog was once to Akaashi who was talking with an Uncle, “He keeps glancing here and looking at you longingly like a lovesick puppy, it’s kinda gross,” she grimaces, “It’s a surprise my other relatives haven’t figured out that you guys have been dating for years. Whenever we have a get together he’s always hanging around somewhere near you like a moth to a flame. What did you feed him dude?”

Your heart ached, you were trying to ignore his presence because you didn’t know how to initiate an interaction that wasn’t going to be awkward. You greeted him stiffly earlier when you were approaching his parents and he was unluckily beside them. You tried to act like you usually would, as if this wasn’t the first time you were seeing him in person after your break up. You didn’t want it to be this way, in fact, you want it to be the opposite. After all these months, you’ve realized you can live without him, but you didn’t want to.

“We dated for years. Not anymore,” you mumble, bad habits die hard, and one of those is your pessimism, but you quickly say something else before she could hound you, “And it’s your fault for always inviting me to your family gatherings, they got used to it, do I look like an Akaashi?” you roll your eyes at her.

“Soon to be,” she winks at you. You blush at the implication, “You’re going to get back together anyways,” Kaiya was so sure of it, when you told her about how you broke up with her brother her immediate reply was ‘He deserves it, he was being stupid. The both of you are too stupidly in love to completely call it off, so let’s talk about my recent dior purchase because look–’.

“Okay but really, you’re family, just not blood-related, my parents love you to the point that I think they considered adopting you once, my aunts and uncles think you’re absolutely adorable, and my nieces and nephews are always looking for “[n/n]-chan”. You’re practically already Akaashi [name],” she gestures dramatically, just then one of her cousins that was arranging the tables to make a big long one for the whole family to sit in says ‘Bring out the food!’

You soon find yourself seated in one of the chairs beside Kaiya, all would be well if Akaashi Keiji hadn’t decided to sit in front of you. Now you were avoiding meeting his eye, oh you only wish for this dinner to go fast and smoothly because you don’t know how long you’re going to last in this avoiding eye contact game.

“[name] when are you going to date our Hiroki?” an auntie asked, catching your attention, they were pertaining to Keiji's cousin. Oh there they go again, they have always teased Hiroki with you since around 4 years ago when he said that his ideal girlfriend was you, the family never let go of it, you always laughed it off since it was harmless, and there was no way you have eyes for any other Akaashi that isn’t Akaashi Keiji.

A few adults laughed, most teasing Hiroki, you distantly heard a choking sound coming from your best friend, and Hiroki himself was very red. You laughed awkwardly before an uncle said something that caught you off-guard.

“I thought Keiji and [name] were in a relationship?” which made your heart beat unbelievably faster. You almost dropped your fork, Kaiya was trying to contain her laughter but she slapped your thigh as if she was saying ‘See? You guys were obvious’ and you did the one thing you didn’t want to do. You locked eyes with Keiji.

Auntie laughed, “Come on honey, our Keiji is too busy being a celebrity to be in a relationship.”

Ouch.

It felt like everything that happened flashed before you and the gaze you were holding with Keiji right now was delicate. It definitely looks like he wants to say something but you stop him with one simple shake of your head. He complies as he always did in your relationship. And just like that, you move your attention elsewhere.

“Hiroki has liked you since forever [name], does he not make moves? Silly boy,” Auntie continues.

“Ma!” Hiroki shouts in embarrassment, “[name] will feel awkward, I’m sorry [name],” he bows his head to you, you shake your head and wave your hands, you wish for the conversation to change to something not revolving around you.

“It’s okay, Auntie just teases a lot,” you chuckle, taking a bite of your carbonara.

“Hiroki nii-san said earlier [name]-chan looked very pretty today!” one of the kids added.

The adults were about to comment rather joyously when Akaashi clanged his glass to get everyone’s attention, “That’s enough guys, [name] is getting uncomfortable,” he says calmly, you were the only one who noticed how there was a slight off in his movement, like he was annoyed but pretending not to be, the vein in his hand that was holding the cup a little too tightly gave it away.

“Keiji has always looked after [name] like his own sister, it’s cute,” Keiji’s older cousin Aiki says.

Your best friend couldn’t contain her laughter then, everyone looked at her as she cackled like a maniac, “Yeah, sure, he totally thinks of her like a sister,” she says, full of mirth. Aiki was sitting on her other side so she was looking at Kaiya like she was out of her mind.

Everyone thought she was just spouting nonsense again and veered into a different topic. You couldn’t help but glance at Keiji who you knew whose gaze on you never faltered.

For some reason, the universe liked to play with you. You didn’t know if it loved you or hated you. Surely trapping you in the kitchen with Akaashi Keiji when he was supposed to be out buying more alcohol with a cousin was a coincidence or maybe methodical plans made by the person you call best friend you’ve spent more than half of your life with. Whatever it was, it led you to this moment with him. You and him, alone. Most of the family were still out in the backyard, the ones that were still awake of course, most of the kids were asleep, the older kids were watching a movie in the living room, the young-adults were with the aunts and uncles drinking outside.

You were planning on staying over and having a sleepover with Kaiya, who was one of the young-adults getting shit faced outside, but you wouldn’t have put it past her to not have meddled in a little with your relationship with her brother before getting shit faced.

You get a glass of water, using it to sober yourself, you haven’t consumed any alcohol, but you didn’t trust yourself to be composed around Akaashi Keiji. So you drink your water, inhaling before you find the right words.

“I miss you,” Keiji spoke first. He was closer than you initially thought, with your back on the entrance you hadn’t realized he was caging you in. His arm is on the counter beside where you’re still holding down the cup. Now you were truly trapped, and this is how you knew that everything was going to be fine.

“Until when is our break going to last?” he says in a trivial way, like he was asking you if you liked the weather. As if he wasn’t saying it directly in your ear, making you shiver. You remember telling him once that you liked how you could feel his voice when he spoke close to your ear. It was something very Keiji to remember and use at a time like this, you expect nothing less than perfect composure while your insides are malfunctioning.

“Keiji,” you finally turn to face him, but you don't have much room to work with, quite literally. Your hands are behind you on the counter as you look up at Akaashi and soak in his features. You missed everything, his voice, his eyes, his perfume. Everything that makes him, him. He reaches a hand out to gently cup your face, he looks into your eyes, testing the waters. If you would allow him to touch you so he could ground himself. As if feeling you was getting back his sense of reality.

“You look better,” he murmurs, using his thumb to caress your cheek, “I’m glad,” he smiles.

“Thank you for giving me time,” you place your hand over his, leaning into his touch more, “I’m sorry too,” you say.

“I should be the one saying sorry,” Akaashi’s brows furrow, “I still haven’t made it up to you.”

“So.. should we start again?” you say in a soft voice, shyly looking up at him through your lashes.

Akaashi leans down to place a kiss on your forehead, as if it was something he had wanted to do all evening, “We’re picking up where we left off.”

“That sounds nice,” you murmur, tilting your head up to place a sweet kiss on Keiji’s cheek. “We still have a lot to talk about,” you add, reaching over to brush his hair out of his face while his hands have moved down to your waist.

“And as I said, I have a lot of making up to do. I’m sorry for everything I put you through,” Akaashi has a troubled expression on his face, “I won’t make the same mistakes again. I can’t promise you that it would be easy dating me, you know that it isn’t, because of my job. That’s why I’m so thankful you've still stuck with me all these years despite all my misgivings. I love you, so much. And I.. want to show you off to the world, my love.”

You bite your lower lip, it was here, another step in your relationship, “Let’s start with your family?”

Akaashi couldn’t help but pull you in for a kiss, one that leaves you gasping and breathless, “I love you,” you say.

“Stay with me forever,” Akaashi states, not even giving you a choice, it makes you laugh with giddiness, you were the only one who got to see this side of him.

“Sounds like a good plan.”

Being selfish once in a while felt nice.

a/n — guys i have to wake up for school in like less than 2 hrs but my brain said no syl finish your akaashi fic and i listened to my monster

general taglist + @rintarousprincess @giyuus0nlywife @luvrsthrist @cherries4denki @cloud-lyy @misscaller06 @noideawhothatis @wolffmaiden

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fymoonbyul · 3 months

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[ARTICLE] Moon Byul hopes to be more than just the rapper of MAMAMOO

Moon Byul spent the first decade of her career as the rapper of girl group Mamamoo. She now plans to break that frame as an all-rounder artist with her first full-length solo album, “Starlit of Muse,” featuring band music, brass music and more.

“I’ve spent the last 10 years as the rapper of Mamamoo, but I didn’t want to lock myself under that title. I didn’t want to be afraid of taking new challenges,” Moon Byul said during a group interview ahead of the release of “Starlit of Muse” on Tuesday.

The group interview was held at Space Sophora, the art gallery in Jung District, central Seoul where Moon Byul also hosted her special exhibition before the release.

“This is why I started my own battle to break that frame in 2022, joining competition shows and releasing new solo albums. I think I can pack that final punch with my full-length album,” she said.

“I needed all 12 tracks in my album to fully express myself.”

The album's 12 songs come in a variety of styles and genres, including “Touchin&Movin,” the lead track featuring funky brass tunes, “Memories,” a song featuring live instrumentals and “Gold,” the artist's first English B-side.

“All the genres that I’ve tried before in my past solo lead tracks are included in ‘Starlit of Muse’,” Moon Byul said. “There’s a song similar to ‘Lunatic’ (2022), ‘C.I.T.T.’ (2022), I have a powerful song just like ‘Eclipse’ (2020) and much more.”

Moon Byul joined and took victory in JTBC’s competition show “The Second World” (2022), which saw girl group rappers such as Oh My Girl’s Mimi, WJSN’s EXY and Billlie’s Moon Sua competing.

But Moon Byul, despite her history as a singer-songwriter who has written lyrics for both her own and Mamamoo's music, is only credited as a producer on two of the album's tracks — “Like a Fool” and “After Sunset,” which Moon Byul wrote three years ago, but has been saving for her full-length release.

“I’ve only decided to put two of my own songs in the album because I wanted to be open to different perspectives — I didn’t want my album to be limited by my vocabulary and the language I use. I wanted to sing songs of love, youth and other different stories seen in different perspectives.”

Nevertheless, Moon Byul clarified that she was at the center of the album's production process, thinking of ideas and making decisions to craft an album that she, herself, would want to buy.

“When I was in a group of four, the agency gave us the big picture and we didn’t have much input in the album. When I was in a duo in Mamamoo+, I could put half of my input into the album. With a solo release, I can have all my input in the album,” Moon Byul said. “Everyone can release a bland album, so I wanted to make a fun and exciting album.”

Out of the many songs in the album, “Memories,” featuring RBW’s boy band Onewe, was Moon Byul’s favorite B-side track.

“'The Second World’ really taught me that I like band music and made me realize that I’m quite good at it,” she said. “'Memories’ is a song that fits just right in that category. It revolves around the theme of refreshing youth, and I think it will be best performed live.”

“I’m so glad and thankful to have Onewe as instrumental performers in the song, because imitating band music using synthesizers just didn’t feel lively,” Moon Byul said. “Listening to Onewe’s live performances, I could feel the liveliness, and I could sense how the band communicates with the listeners.”

But despite praising her collaborators, Moon Byul remained humble and cautious about debuting her own band.

“You know, as much as I want to start my own band, I’m very much well aware that people around me would have to suffer [in helping me],” Moon Byul said with a laugh. “I also can’t play any instruments. I think I’ll have to be ready first.”

Moon Byul hopes that fans will enjoy the merchandise she's prepared to accompany the album, including a limited-edition tote bag made out of demo and various “unique and fun” photocards.

But the most important thing, the artist said, is that she, herself, is happy with her work.

“I never felt the feelings of satisfaction as I released my previous albums, but I was truly satisfied with everything with my album as I produced it,” Moon Byul said. “So regardless of how other people judge me, I’ll be happy with my album.”

But, she emphasized, “I hope my fans will listen to the album and be proud of their favorite singer.” She added, “I hope it turns out to be an album I’m not ashamed of and one that’s worthy of Mamamoo’s name.”

source

#mamamoo #moonbyul #t:article #era:starlit #240220

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heavyheavycream · 2 months

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Hello, I just want to say that I’ve been loving all the comics you’ve made and how much character is in them! I also want to mention that I feel you’re the latest torchbearer in wholesome feedism art and comics department, as the two main artists I followed have moved on to other things (one of them even disabled their DeviantArt account btw, but most of their art was archived by someone else). Again, I really do love these characters you’ve made and how wholesome their interactions are with each other. Also, how did each of your OCs meet? I’m legitimately curious about that.

Sincerely,

Anon

oh wow thanks you for this, but it's a lot to carry lol

i can't be the only one out there doing feedism fluff!

If anyone has any recommendations (new or not, it could be a 2010 fanfic or a 2015 comic) on wholesome feedism art let me know in the comments below (or send them anonymously and i'll write them below) - or maybe link to someone's master list on the subject :3

(and anon if you can give me the names of the two people u where talking about i'd love to know)

i'm also very interested as to why they stopped? they said everything they had to and left? lack of care from the community? started doing too many commissions and burned out? - I listen religiously to burnout cautionary tales - i'm a "throw-myself-into-a-new-project-and-forgets-to-eat" type of person so i've learned to pace myself and stop from overworking

heavyheavycream is still new and shiny for my brain, and the response from y'all has been amazing and uplifting - but i know my brain all too well, and it's a miracle if it holds on to anything past 6 months - this could be different cos this project is deeply linked to my sexuality sooooo... i dunno we'll see :3

#ask #a lot of rambling lol #heavyheavycream #me

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rose-in-a-fisted-glove · 3 months

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Hi it’s the SU anon here I’m very sorry for how much I upset you, and I seriously wanted to piece tgt what I’m missing from the Jewish viewpoint so I appreciate u still being open to talking to me despite the ignorance. Also disclaimer I’m born and raised in Malaysia so I’ve not met an actual Jew in person until very recently in uni, so all I know is from the messy pile on the internet and I do genuinely learn from ur posts when I see them.

From what I see on ur blog u do show quite a lot of sympathy to the all the cruelty happening in Gaza, but don’t tolerate this being used as an excuse to target Israel/Jewish ppl. I do understand that the whole concept of pushing for an Israel/jewish ethnostate is very much entwined with the history of Jewish culture and the antisemitism endured through different times, so I think this is the part where I made the most ignorant statement on? After rereading what I wrote it might also have sounded like all Jews hold extremely reactionary views towards the word “ceasefire”? Pls do point out more of what upset u, I take full responsibility for what I said and pls stop this convo at any point if I end up offending u more.

Recognizing that you don't know something is the first step towards fixing it. It's good that you thought on your previous ask and tried to research it! But you're missing an awful lot so let's start from the top.

(As a reminder and so others can seee, here's the original ask)

"Hi, this a question abt ur opinion on what’s happening in Gaza just bc you’re one of my favourite blogs that goes deep into Jewish culture/issues. If at any point this question becomes annoying pls ignore.

Anyways so in my college SU meeting recently someone sent in a motion to make an official statement to condemn the war and call for immediate and permanent ceasefire + provide more support to the Jewish and Muslim/Arab students affected by increased hate in the community as well. This sparked a debate among those in attendance and of course there’s a few very pro-Israel voices that insists that a ceasefire will cause Israel to lose all ability to defend itself as well as many pro-Palestine arguments. The motion ended up discarded bc of procedural reasons but as someone who has mostly held a free Palestine view so far and has been hoping for a more inclusive Israel in the future, I don’t understand why stopping a war hurting both sides is taken as an Israel must disappear take by many. I always just accepted it as it’s probably got a lot more antisemitic undertone when it’s a Jew that hears it, but I really wanna hear ur take as well bc the debate I witnessed brought up very disturbing points that I can’t stop thinking about. Hope this didn’t end up sounding disrespectful and thanks for always sharing important Jewish viewpoints without undermining other social issues!"

First problem comes right with the opening sentence; "Hi, this a question abt ur opinion on what’s happening in Gaza just bc you’re one of my favourite blogs that goes deep into Jewish culture/issues."

Going to random Jews who do not post about the conflict and asking for their "stance" on it is part of a series of antisemitic loyalty tests and is extremely rude on top of it. Furthermore, speaking on Jewish cultures and issues and antisemitism is not the same as being experienced or knowledgeable on international conflicts.

And then your next paragraphs are of course riddled with anti-Israeli biases and examples that you've been listening to/reading propaganda uncritically, such as "wanting a more inclusive Israel" and in your more recent ask saying things like "I do understand that the whole concept of pushing for an Israel/jewish ethnostate is very much entwined with the history of Jewish culture and the antisemitism endured through different times". So you clearly have a basic lack of knowledge about both Israel and the conflict in general along with Zionism itself.

But, again, that's not an area I talk about much. If any of the folks who do talk about it, see this and want to go into it, please do! Just to repeat here, you shouldn't have been asking me in the first place.

Then, this part here, showed me that you have a history of dismissing antisemitism as Jews being overly sensitive "I always just accepted it as it’s probably got a lot more antisemitic undertone when it’s a Jew that hears it." And then that was compounded by your closing insult, "thanks for always sharing important Jewish viewpoints without undermining other social issues!"

And that closing insult told me that I had woefully failed in sharing any information about antisemitism at all. "Sharing important Jewish viewpoints without undermining other social issues". Jewish "viewpoints" and antisemitism are just as important as any other sort of bias. Pointing out antisemitism and sharing stories about antisemitism does not, and can not, undermine other social issues. It is not lesser. Honestly, I'm still kind of livid over that shot.

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ariisrealities · 24 days

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Heyyy guys this is my first post today im going to try to enter the void state with the lullaby method! I’ve been procrastinating for way too long and me,sister and my nephew are about get kicked out our home in 9 days !!! So I will be updating u guys on my progress !!! Please comment any tips for focusing!!!!!!!

Day 1- I listened to some brown noise for 13 mins and laid down in a my regular position (on my side) started affirming not for the void state but that my sister had 10k dollars to pay for the late rent bcuz I felt like I needed to that so we can have stable housing then the void state comes along. i turned the brown noise off and tried to just fall asleep naturally and affirm I feel asleep and I affirmed but not I fall asleep anyways , I kept waking up and I just affirmed and affirmed then at 4 something am I got into sats I think and I said I am in the void state and I am I started feeling symptoms like tingling I can’t really explain it but instead I should’ve kept affirming the thing I was affirming before ( aka my sister has 10k dollars) but thats basically it I’ll keep update of any other resultss ❤️! one more thing I think I’m gonna stay awake until I get very drowsy like half asleep half awake or sats something like that .

Final update: I didn’t get into the void state butttt WE ARE NOTT GETTING EVICTED!!!

Btw I will trying a new method to get into the void state! Im using yoga Nidra! And since I don’t know how to link the posts involved with it. you can look in my liking section it will be there!! I tried the meditation rn and it worked like a charm but I opened my eyes bcuz I forgot I had to affirm so I will be making a journey/progress post rn !!! I have so much faith in this method I know this method is going to work for me like NOTHING I MEAN NOTHING NO ONE CAN TELL ME THIS WONT WORK FOR ME LITERALLY THATS HOW I FEEL STRONGLY AND FIRMLY I AM GOING TO GAVE THAT DREAM LIFE NOBODY CAN TELL ME NOTHINGHGG. 😭a lil moment but yea this works so fast so im def going into the void with method and u can too it’s fast and it’s easy I wasted soo much freaking time on doing nothing and now im fed tf uppp so my plan is to try at 5:00 am before school I get to go to school at 10:00 so I have ALOT of time!!! I been seeing 444 1111 and numbers like that for so long and this is my final push. This is my moment to SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND ( in rihannas angelic voice😌💅🏾) I AMM SOOO FREAKING READYYY FOR THIS IM READY FOR A CHANGE NOW I GAVE BEEN SETTLING FOR LESS FOR TOO DAMN LONG I NEEEDDDDD TO ACHIEVE BAD BTCH NOT TAKING SHII FROM ANYONE TYPE GIRL TO COMR OUT OF MEEE! I NEED TO SHIFTT TO MY WR AND MY FAME DR TO GO TO POUNDTOWN WUTH MY VERY WEALTHY SWEET CARING HUSBAND AND I WANT TO SEE MY BABIEESSS IM GOING TO SMUGGLE THEM WHEN I SEE THEM FRFR IM SHIFTING TO THE TIME I WAS 5 MONTHS WITH MYLO (my son the youngest 🥺💙) BROOO IM SOO FLIPPING HAPPY RN ALL HIGH VIBRATIONS ❤️❤️❤️I CAN WAIT TIL I GO INTO THE VOID IM GOING TO TELL U GUYS EVERYTHING RIGHT I SAY WHAT I WANNA MANIFEST IM STRAIGHT SHIFTING TO MY WR INTO FAME DR I HAVE TWO MY MESSY FDR AND MY NORMAL FDR IM GOING THE NORM ONE FIRST. I HAVE SO MANY DRS IM JUST GONNA GO TO MY FDR AND TELL U GUYS SO MANY STORIES BRO IM GOING TO HAVE A FCKING BLAST. LIKE I RLLY NEED THIS BREAK RN (srry for the captions 😭) bcuz i js rlly need to yk get from all the bs happening with my family in general I feel so unappreciated I try my best but it never seems good enough for them. My sister makes me feels like im a burden to her so im js gonna manifest me a dad and leave I’ll still communicate with her I js don’t feel like i want to LIVE with her yk she got my nephew and that’s all she could handle our mother rlly js messed us up. Im js tremendously grateful i stumbled upon manifesting & shifting now i can change my life for the better i can heal finally and truly be myself i can literally travel to any reality to ANYWHERE AND BE ANYTHING I want to. I CAN DO ANYTHING I know I have the power to do it ik it’s within me im going to shoot for freaking stars now.

#void state #manifesting #please help #law of assumption #lullaby #chief keef #manifesation

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hwangphoria · 11 months

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ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○

I Miss My Ex… | Seo Changbin

CHANGBIN X FEM READER.

Genre: Angst. Sad. Communication issues.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚. ₓ˚. ୭ ˚

“I just feel like he’s lost interest in me, you know? And I don’t want to misjudge it because I know he’s just busy and probably worn out… but it hurts. Anytime we’re together he’s on his phone most of the time or sleeping.”

I let out a deep sigh as I laid back onto my bed, pulling the covers back up and over my body as I had been previously before, sitting on FaceTime with my best friend Yeonjun, ranting to him about all of my problems.

He’s such a good friend.

I’m ranting about my boyfriend Changbin, and I love him, and no I’m not cheating on him with Yeonjun. I get shivers just at the thought of me doing anything like that.

He’s just… he overworks himself and whenever he comes home, he greets me most times, but he’s always on his phone whenever he’s around me… and it feels like he’s losing interest in me.

I know he loves me, believe me. I think he’s just depressed, and no matter how much I try to get him to talk to me he just won’t open up.

It’s worrying me, Because usually he’s a mushy clingy baby whenever he’s around me.

“You know how it is, Y/N. He’s an idol, and he’s having a comeback soon, he’s probably worn out because he works for a douchebag, JYP is tough, I’m so glad I didn’t get in there.”

He sighed, explaining a possible answer to me, knowing that he was right, making my heart ache in worry and pain for Changbin.

JYP is seriously a Piece of Shit.

“Well, do you have any idea of what I could do to get him to pay the slightest bit of attention to me Mr. Choi Bighit idol duDe.”

I mocked him, causing him to roll his eyes sassily before a soft smile teased at both of our lips, shaking his head before he seriously began to think of something that could work.

“Well… you know after a long day you usually get on YouTube and watch random shit. And I saw this prank that might work,”

He spoke, causing me to immediately roll my eyes and shake my head in response to the idea. I already know what he was gonna say. One of those mean stupid ass couple pranks.

“No Jun. Those are mean and I’m trying to get him to pay attention to me and not leave me.”

“But they work! He won’t leave you. Come on, if you're THAT desperate then at least just listen to what I have to suggest.”

He rebutted, causing a deep exasperated sigh to escape my lips as I shifted in my spot and thought about it for a few moments.

This could work… I’ve also watched these videos on YouTube and most of the time they work.

“Alright whatever loser just tell me what it is, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna do it for sure… I just wanna know.”

“SO. There was this one I saw where she waited until they both got in bed at night, and when he came back from the bathroom she was scrolling through her exes Instagram, sighing dramatically and falsely of course. And her boyfriend had already noticed this and was already pretty mad, but then she said I miss you out loud, and it was… this whole big thing. And eventually they made up by the end of the video.”

It was almost as if Choi Yeonjun was proud of himself for bringing up such a dumb ass idea, leaning back into his chair with his arms crossed, his face smug as I sat there, my eyebrows scrunched together as I was so highly unamused.

“How in the world do you find that entertaining, I mean… Why would you intentionally hurt your partner?” I questioned.

“Y/N, it’s not real. It’s completely fake. If you do it, it makes him realize maybe I’m not treating her well enough and I need to step up my game.”

Okay… even though it’s mean… I have to admit that the psychology does seem pretty convincing…

I sat there and thought for a few moments, subconsciously biting on the inside of my cheek as I debated my options, looking at Yeonjun’s face, a deep sigh escaping my lips as I shook my head.

I can’t believe I’m gonna do this.

“Fine. But if my relationship falls between the cracks I’m blaming you Choi Yeonjun. I will set fire to twt about you know WHAT.”

“I’m hanging up now you little shit.”

His eyes narrowed as he rolled them soon after, grabbing his phone as he uncrossed his arms, waving at the camera before hanging up the phone, leaving me to sit there in silence with my own thoughts.

Yeonjun should be the last person I take advice from…but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try.

***TIME SKIP***

I’m going to quite literally explode into a million pieces.

It was currently 10:30 pm and there was no sign of Changbin anywhere. Not even a Text yet, and he always texts me when he’s on his way home so he can grab dinner beforehand and asks me what I want…

All of a sudden my tummy began to rumble at the mental cue, a sigh escaping from my lips as I looked out the living room window, down at the city in front of me.

This prank has been weighing on my mind all day, and I even went and bought a new shirt in the men’s department and had it on since so maybe he’d think it was someone else’s….

That sounded less cruel in my head but whatever.

Without even another thought, the sound of the keypad filled my ears, my eyes widening as I perked up and made my way over to the front door as he had walked inside, my heart beginning to race.

I missed him so much.

“Hi baby, how was workies?”

I asked softly, as he turned around to face me, a soft but tired smile taking over his lips as he ruffled my hair and walked past me and headed into the kitchen, bag of food in his hands.

Well at least we’ll get to eat together.

I thought to myself as I followed him into the kitchen as if I were a lost puppy, a slight pout on my face as he didn’t even notice my new shirt, sitting down at the bar, waiting for him to sit across from me…. But he never did.

Instead he set the bag down in front of me and turned around to head upstairs to the bedroom, causing me to take ahold of his hand, my heart practically broken into a million pieces at this point.

“Baby, sit down and eat with me! You had a long day, you must be hungry.” I pleaded.

“I’m not hungry Y/N. I ate with the boys. I’m just exhausted, okay? I just need to sleep. I’ll be upstairs. I'm gonna shower.”

He said, his tone so nonchalant it felt as if my heart was going to burst any second. Letting go of his hand, I nodded and let my eyes trail after him until he disappeared upstairs into the bedroom.

I guess it's prank time.

After putting the food in the fridge to be eaten later, I headed on back upstairs after him. Once I was in the bedroom I heard the shower running, sitting down at my vanity and beginning to unwind for the day.

After taking off my makeup and putting on my moisturizer and night cream, I quickly put on my pajamas and my glasses and crawl under the covers, my back facing the bathroom door.

Eventually he had finished his shower, and I was scrolling through my exes page, about to quite literally barf in my mouth because I cannot even stand the thought of this mother fucker.

Hearing the door click open, I act as if I don’t hear it, a sigh escaping my lips as per cue as I continued on, my heart breaking even more, not because of my ex, but because I felt stupid… having to do this to even get his attention.

Just notice me god damn it.

I then felt him lay next to me, the click of his phone charger and the sound of a sigh slipping past his lips as I felt the tears begin to prickle at the brinks of my eyes, the lump in my throat so big.

Hearing him settle in and finally stop moving is when I completely lost it….

I can’t do this stupid prank.

I started sobbing. Turning off my phone and practically throwing it on the nightstand, burying my face in the pillow as I felt my body practically melting as my heart had finally shattered.

How could he not even acknowledge me in the slightest? Am I really not important to him anymore?

I heard the light click on as I tried to steady my breaths as I cried into the pillow but I failed miserably. A few moments later I felt two arms wrap around me, and pull me to sit up straight…

I knew it was Changbin.

Not wanting to face him, I quickly took my hands and covered my eyes with them as I continued on with my cries… but it didn’t take him long to take hold of them and force me to look at him… I finally broke down.

“I tried to do Yeonjun’s stupid fucking prank to get your attention but I just couldn’t… I just…” I tried to catch my breath from crying so much and trying to talk…

“I just want you to love me again. I want to have even an ounce of your attention. Do you even love me…”

I finally managed to get out, feeling my breathing begin to calm down as the crying became less uncontrollable, his eyes looking in mine as they were filled with worry, his eyebrows scrunched together making him look all the more handsome.

I love him so much…

“Y/n what in the world are you talking about?”

He questioned, causing a huff to escape my lips, shaking my head and looking down at my lap.

“I just… don’t feel like you love me anymore. And I was trying to get your attention today… by wearing a stupid shirt I bought at the men’s section, and I was scrolling through my exes Instagram… to get your attention, per Yeonjun’s recommendation…. But I’ve consistently failed.”

I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around him, and buried my head into his shoulder, my tear stained cheeks soaking his black shirt.

I heard him let out a sigh as he pulled me onto his lap, feeling his hand on the back of my head as he pet my hair softly, calming me down almost instantly.

He always knew how.

“Baby. I’ve just been busy. And I… seriously just haven’t had any energy lately… with the comeback coming soon they have been pushing us to our limits. But I guess I let it get the best of me. I didn’t know you felt like that.”

I looked up at him to see the pout on his lips and the tear run down his cheeks as I sniffled myself and kissed his cheek.

“I just miss you…”

“I know my sweet baby. But… I’ve been neglecting you, and I know that. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. Regardless of the schedule tomorrow… I’m going to take a break. I’ll take tomorrow off and spend it with you.”

I shook my head in response to his words, feeling his thumbs wipe my tears from my eyes.

“No, binnie, I don’t wanna be selfish. That’s your job and I shouldn’t get in-“

He cut me off by pushing his lips onto mine, humming softly before he pulled away and looked into my eyes, taking ahold of my hands and interlacing our fingers.

“I’m doing it because I want to. Because I love you.”

He whispered softly and I nodded in response, my heart nearly skipping a beat.

“Good girl.”

I practically turned into jelly at those words, thinking for a few moments before taking his shoulders into my hands and pushing his back to the bed, reaching back over and clicking off the lamp my heart nearly racing out of my chest.

“Y/N what are you…”

“Let me take care of you.”

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆

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