#like i said. extremely self indulgent but its ok <3

[vanilladrpepper]

SHARE COLLEGE AU

HBDJVBDJFH ok. ok.

the basic premise is that like. any character that could be hced as indigenous. is hced as indigenous . and then u take everyone and plop them in 1999 in a college setting with some added bg for each of the characters and motivations and stuff yk

i will admit it is ww centric as its written from his vague pov (third person limited omniscient) but i digress. hes in november trying to get a degree asap so he can fulfill an ultimatum proposed by chapel so he can get livio out of the system and fuck off back to the reservation he grew up on (for context ww is crow+seminole and livio is crow) but he shows up to the college and his roommate is this . scene guy. enter legato our favorite french canadian (besides hornfreak love u hornfreak) who becomes begrudging besties. sort of . with ww

he recommends him a coffee shop and ww goes there before going shopping for shit he needs and thus we get one of our big hubs of the au: threes a crowd! a number of characters work there including brad, luida, zazie (navajo) and of course. vash (mixed white + kanien'keha:ka) he meets him and doesnt really like . register him much beyond it bc hes got bigger fish to fry :sob:

and obv ive planned a lot more (36 chapters for part one. augh) including but not limited to: ww struggling through his coursework (majoring in social work) and being aided by one of his teachers (roberto. love u king u may be tristamp only but u have bewitched me) (hes also ojibwe. love him), ww joining up with a mentor club and accidentally befriending two journalism majors (meryl and milly!!!! inuk and seneca respectively) (also specifically meryl is a photojournalism major!), ww continually running into this one pipsqueak around town who gives him attitude (zazie <3), and also dealing with whatever situationship legato is in (i could not resist making him and nai messy as fuck)

theres also obv other characters that r in there that im still trying to sew in in a way that makes sense: elendira (journalism professor, russian + sami), rollo (mexican + southern paiute, havent entirely decided on his major though so sorry king), hornfreak (a part of the school band. fascinating man. at one point he holds a halloween party) and a bunch of others i havent gotten to yet :sob:

theres a lotttt going on in this au ill be honest but also objectively it is very slice of life . but heres a list of stuff i have planned

vash and nai as lacrosse players. vash invites ww out to games and is really silly abt it

for a not insignificant amount of time ww learns about legatos situationship and bc legato never mentions names he thinks vash has a secret insane ass thing going on with legato . it isnt until chapter 11 (allegedly) that he finds out vash has a twin brother and goes back to legato like . hey. is it vash and legatos like ew what?

milly and meryl are enraptured by roberto working at the school bc he did a lot of journalism work that inspired them to join the field. silly shenanigans ensue

on the topic of milly and meryl they are so fascinating to me. they originally met in the mentor club and hit it off immediately based on their similar (but different) familial issues and the horrors

vash and ww plan out a bunch of movie nights including: scream, 10 things i hate abt you and smoke signals

chapel drama followed immediately by ill-timed vash and ww argument

while ignoring vash ww gets a nokia <3 love loses

at the halloween party milly accidentally walks in on them in a compromising position (nothing was happening) and awkward bs ensues where vash comes around and it like its ok theyre chill and Not Gay but it wouldnt change anything if they Were Gay but They Arent so its Fine

livio and ww apartmentsitting for vash and nai while theyre off visiting family during the holidays :D

nye party where vash and ww almost kiss and thus ends part 1 . LOVE LOSES

also i should list what everyones majoring in that i didnt mention but this is already long enough good lord

all this to say. i am insane god bless

some small cuts from the draft so far beneath the cut bc i couldnt resist

none of those are in order but its ok <3

#like i said. extremely self indulgent but its ok <3 #love and light #ive written around 12k for it so far but ive barely scratched the surface dear lord #asks #my writing #theres also so many small things that im wanting to incorporate into it like #for example #im wanting to showcase livio finding independence and figuring stuff out for himself while also stressing chosen family and the importance #of support #bc at the start bc of how livio is treated by hopeland at large + chapel (not miss melanie shes normal) #hes dealing w a lot of like. learned helplessness and frustration abt it all bc hes being treated with kid gloves 24/7 bc he has did right #and on top of that everyone avoids him and all hes really got is miss melanie. ww. some of the attendants at the church he gets sent off #to spend his time at #so hes like. painfully isolated even at 18 bc chapel treats him like a charity case and keeps him there 'out of the goodness of his heart' #so over the course of the au i want to explore livio finding his voice and figuring shit out and maybe. maybe even having a full blown #argument w ww where he lashes out bc hes frustrated that everyone is making decisions for him right #i just oaughughagknsgbgsf #THERES SO MUCH I WANT TO EXPLORE IN THE AUUUUU #SO MUCH #rubs my gay little hands together #ALSO FAIR WARNING #im researching a lotttt for this au bc obv . u have to research shit #even like 'dorm room prep' like what the fuck is that long ass laundry list #insane

[wazzappp]

Ok @moosemonstrous here we fuckin go.

OK SO. I apologize if it comes off more Evangellion than Pacific Rim but I thought that making The Charger more slender would help to differentiate it and allow for a focus on agility (also helps it to look more skeletal and unsettling).

The Charger is built in layers. An outer layer that constitutes the armor, a thinner covering, metal scaffolding, secondary thin covering, and then finally the essential wiring that makes the 'nervous system' of the Jaeger. Most of the damage (corruption scars, nicks, paint chipping) is just cosmetic, and the structural nature of the Jaeger is intact.

HOWEVER. The same can not be said of the reactor core. At some point (maybe during Eli's death?) corruption made its way behind the main fans of the outer engine and into the main reactor that powers the Jaeger. In theory this should lead to a catastrophic failure, but in this instance Im thinking there was a chemical reaction that essentially stabilized the corrosive nature of the Corruption (were gonna circle back to that).

For the most part my version of Robbies suit is fairly standard. I added an orange tint to his helmet screen for flavor because hey. Why not.

The spine of the suit is probably newly integrated to allow for an updated interface, I imagine theres at least a little development in the technology between the time Eli dies and Robbie comes into play. That would make the suit a weird mishmash of past and new technology which could be VERY fun.

Also I LOVED the white accents @cicada-candy added for their design but I didn't want to steal ideas so I just added it in my own places. Your art fucks severely bro I just wanted to make sure and let you know that <3

TIME FOR MY FAVORITE PART: SPECULATION ABOUT THE CORRUPTION AND ITS THEORETICAL GENETIC EFFECTS IN DOSES ON A SUBJECT!!!!!! (AKA self indulgence part 2 electric boogaloo)

I believe you mentioned the Corruption being a Neurotoxin which would be Very fun and VERY cool but I also have a suggestion. Mainly because you also referenced an increase in Robbies strength, as well as another person who got fuckin deaded shortly after.

A rapid growth in muscle density to allow for this strength would be very interesting, but why would the Corruption cause that? Simple answer; it isn't. At least not intentionally. Whats actually happening is a kind of nerve damage that changes the brains regulation of muscular exertion. Our brains really only let us use a certain percentage of our real strength, because if we just let loose and used it all we would cause significant physical damage to ourselves. Like. ripping your own tendons free from their anchors. you could break your own bones. you would die SO fast bro.

Now it is POSSIBLE to access this strength in situations of extreme stress and thats how you get people lifting cars off of loved ones, but this does still cause damage. It also gets more complicated when you consider Fast Twitch muscle reactions but for the sake of simplicity: You Would Die.

So a release of cortisol and other stress hormones, combined with a lessened ability to control strength. This means they would be USING that strength A LOT against ANYONE AND EVERYONE. But maintaining this sort of metabolism is not reasonable. Someone suffering from Corruption would likely also suffer from Hypoglycemia fatally. So extremely strong, extremely scared, and extremely short lived is the kind of deal we would be talking about here.

SO. Having said ALL OF THAT. WHAT IS ROBBIES DEAL. Well heres my proposal: The Corruption is a virus that causes neurodegenerative disease.

If Robbie was exposed to very small amounts of it as a child, it's possible it was inactive or defective, which would have allowed for an immunization point. Its also highly possible that this is a virus that can not survive (well i say survive very lightly. theres significant debate as to wether viruses are actually alive at all but I digress) outside its usual area AKA Inside a demon. He could have been exposed through contaminated water, direct contact, maybe even breathing burned version through the air. Either way, he came into contact with a weakened version of the virus and it helps him later on.

As he comes into DIRECT contact with Corruption via plugging into The Charger this is when we would start to see some more interesting effects. This Corruption would still be different though because of the aforementioned stabilizing chemical reaction in the reactor. Also, because I think Eli's DNA would be integrated into it. This provides Robbie with genetic compatibility for the virus to jump off of. Remember, viruses don't want to kill a host, they just want to reproduce as much as possible (which does end up killing a host but still). And a fun fact about viruses is that we never actually get rid of them, we just get rid of the symptoms. Once you have it its in you forever.

SO. 1. Immune response from Robbies body begins to cause the nervous damage that would allow for his rapid increase in strength. 2.Immune system recognizes the genetic material is familiar (Eli doing something good even inadvertently I guess). 3. Immune system neutralizes the virus and incorporates it into Robbies genetic coding. All good right? Happy ending? WRONG.

BECAUSE WHEN THERE ARE COPYING ERRORS IN YOUR DNA (SOMETIMES FROM VIRUSES) WHAT DO WE CALL IT?? DING DING DING 10 POINTS TO THE MUTUAL THAT SAID ✨MUTATION✨

This virus still carries genetic material from demons, this would also be getting integrated into Robbies DNA. Places like his spine which would have the most regular contact with the Corruption would probably take the brunt of these changes. It's possible that the nerve damage never truly goes away and he continuously tears and then rebuilds those muscles, resulting in overall increased strength thats technically?? stabilized?? Also I could totally see his body going 'oh shit were finally growing with decent access to fuel? BET' and just. Reactivates the growth plates in his bones ('Look! I've fixed his runt of the litter insecurity!' 'YOU FUCKED UP A PERFECTLY GOOD PILOT IS WHAT YOU DID. LOOK AT HIM. HES GOT ANXIETY ABOUT THE STATE OF HIS HUMANITY').

Oh yeah its also worth noting that this would be like. Pretty painful. We're talking constant soreness, cramps, deep aches that just won't go away. General suffering <3

Of course tapetum lucidum OF COURSE TEEF obviously as if I could go without it. You can get funky with mutations because hey. fucky wucky demon genome integration whoop whoop. Also could be interesting to see damaged areas on the Charger manifest on Robbie as damaged tissue. His skin says 'AH. Damage' and copies itself as scar tissue instead of the usual.

Oh god Ive been writing for a solid hour and a half I was supposed to be asleep a while ago ok. Moose I love this au and its making me unwell thank you for sharing with the class I hope you will consider my virus proposal for body horror purposes.

#love the idea of him just getting up one morning and going '??? Was the floor?? that far away before??' #im a sucker for it dude #also I am like. not a biologist . just enthusiastic about biology without the education. so take everything here with a grain of salt lmfao #i gotta go to sleep now. how am I gonna do that. much excitement. i make responsible choices like an adult. #ughhhh #robbie reyes #ghost rider #im prolly gonna look at this in the morning and edit the hell out of it because in my joyus haze of bullshit I didnt connect paragraphs #but fuck it we ball #pacific rim ghost rider au #my art #digital art #sketch #oh its also worth noting that the ✨mutations✨ im talking about generally result in like. cancer. very cancer #eli morrow #<- naughty. goes at the bottom of the list

[cuuzca]

Small update, Mini vent: Commissions status, Burnout etc.

⚠️TW: negative self-talk,⚠️

Update:

Firstly I want thank everyone for your continued patience with the commissions and there hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t thought about them! I want to get them all to you as soon as possible and thoroughly apologize for how long it’s been! There’s no excuse but that comes my next tanget where I want to explain the why.

Another point is that, this post is not for seeking out sympathy or attention, far from it although words of encouragement would be appreciated as I have been facing quite a bit of struggles lately. <3 I will explain.

Autistic burnout is characterized by chronic exhaustion, withdrawal, heightened stress levels, loss of function, incapacitation, and just a prolonged sense of fatigue. That’s what has been plaguing me lately. The desire to draw, have fun, and interact with others is there, but its just the battery has run extremely low. That’s is the tangible objective part. Here’s the more subjective part.

Vent:

Although everyone for the most part has been super supportive and not a single soul has complained at all, the little voice inside my head has become much more Cruel bc of my inability to function.

Because of the burnout and some other external factors that I can’t discuss, my brain has convinced me of cruel things. That I am worthless, I don’t belong, everyone hates me and wishes I was gone. I am nothing of value if i can’t do the bare minimum of functioning and being productive, so then i don’t deserve to be around and should leave so i wont burden anyone else. (For the record, I am in no way a danger to myself. I could never) But it does manifest in self-destructive tendencies wanting to isolate myself and me trying to help out and fix everyone else’s problems bc no one deserves to feel like this.

I wouldnt call these insecurities. I’m secure in the fact that I know I am a person with good intentions and tries my best at the very least. I want to uplift others, make them feel good. Because I want to do good in this world. But there is still that nagging voice that tries to convince me I don’t deserve to be here otherwise. I’m fighting with it and it has kept me at a stalemate.

End Vent.

Now however, I do feel like the more I work with it, the more I can do (ie. the recent drawings I’ve been making). But, I still feel guilty in indulging in that while there are still commissions waiting that I said I would get to. I have every intention to complete them and already have some sketched out. So I will get to them rest assured.

I just felt it was important for transparency purposes that the long wait wasn’t intentional.

I will do my best to work out the gunk and do what I need to do and remind myself its ok to have fun and i do have support even though my brain tries to convince me otherwise. Thank you all💖

#cuz vents #cuz update

[c-c-cherry]

HELLO you may recognise me as the artist that drew that one whole scene from chapter 7!! thought i'd drop in to say:

FIRST OF ALL midterms are the pain ever, i wish you all the best!! stay hydrated <3

SECOND OF ALL thank you for taking the time to leave such a long and heartfelt reply on my post asjcjkdj it made me really really happy and giddy for the rest of the day i'm so glad i managed to portray the characters and envision the scenes the way you intended us to! your writing is absolutely gorgeous and i hope you're doubting its quality less, because it is top tier.

speaking of your writing i was tempted to talk about why i really loved the fic in the post itself but felt like it was really long already 😭

so here i am, this may be long, i apologise in advance for my rambling, in this essay-

REIGEN'S SPIRALLING DOWN THE NEGATIVE SELF TALK WAS SO HEART BREAKING BUT SO RAW, IN A WAY, LIKE IT HURTS THAT HE REALLY THINKS NO ONE NEEDS HIM AROUND AND EVERYONE WOULD BE FINE/BETTER OFF W/O HIM. BUT SO SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN POSITIVELY IMPACTED BY HIM AND SO MANY PEOPLE LOVE HIM AND WANT HIM AND NEED HIM

I LOVE HOW REIGEN WAS FORCED TO FACE THAT TRUTH THROUGH DIMPLE'S MEMORIES, I LOVE HOW DIMPLE CARES AND IS CONCERNED FOR REIGEN WHILE BEING BRUTAL AND A LITTLE SHIT

i love how everyone turns to teru because he's reliable and he's smart but he's just a 14 year old who's had to be his own adult for way too long and he's just trying to figure things out, too. I LOVE HATE THE WAY HE TRIES TO FILL REIGEN'S SHOES, I LOVE THEIR FATHER-SON DYNAMIC

getting me started on ritsu would be a mistake as i may write a 13k word essay if left unattended BUT in short, I LOVE THE WAY YOU DEPICTED HIS TRAUMA, HIS EXTREMELY HUMAN, EMOTIONAL REACTION TO MOB POTENTIALLY LOSING CONTROL, THE WAY HE ISN'T OVER IT, BECAUSE REALLY THATS SO UNDERSTANDABLE, THE WAY HE'S JUST A SMALL, SCARED 13 YEAR OLD JUST OUGHHH

MOB AND HIS CONCERN FOR REIGEN, HIM STEPPING UP EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW HIS SHISHOU COULD BE DEAD INSIDE THE OFFICE, HIS BRAVERY AND HIS COMPASSION. AND THE ONE MEMORY? WHERE HES ASKING REIGEN NOT TO LEAVE SO SOON, NOT WITHOUT SAYING SOMETHING I CRIED. I CRIED OK I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

SERIZAWA DESPITE BEING ARGUABLY THE MOST ANXIOUS ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION, STEPPING UP!! TAKING CHARGE AND BEING MATURE AND DOING HIS BEST, FOR THE KIDS AND FOR HIMSELF AND ESPECIALLY FOR REIGEN

and shou oh my god i love that he tags along, that he's included but feels like an outcast in their group, the way he's there because he cares but he thinks he doesn't really have the right since he's not as close to reigen. HES SO ALONE BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO INTEGRATE INTO THEIR CIRCLE, SO HE KIND OF HANGS AROUND THE EDGE AND GOOD LORD I WISH THEY'D JUST PULL HIM IN

in conclusion i want to hug them all. i haven't felt this many emotions in so long cherry you did amazing and trust me you're going to keep doing amazing, because you are you

if you read all the way here thank you for bearing w me 😭😭 i hope you're doing well, you said you recovered from a mystery sickness recently? take care ok, we support you!! <3

-bloo

Hello Bloo!! I’m so sorry it took me this long to finally reply. Life is life, and now I’m here! But just know that I’ve been rereading this ask consistently because it makes me so happy that my work can…make people think THOUGHTS? In-depth thoughts that they want to share with me?? It still barely feels real to me that people are liking my silly self-indulgent fic where I make the business man suffer. So thank you! I’m so happy you’re enjoying it, and thank you again for that deliciously-crafted fan comic! :)

I'm sparing your poor souls from a Cherry ramble under the cut. But for those who wanna peek inside my silly head:

As for what you’re saying about the fic itself…yeah HAHA. You’ve got it down. As someone who’s completely desensitized to their own ideas and the execution of said ideas, I don’t know how obvious all my little underlying themes and ulterior plot lines have been, but your interpretation of it all is pretty spot on. I’m a sucker for forcing characters to face their own truth via IMPOSSIBLE circumstances and then dragging every other character into a whirlpool of chaos and conflict and confrontation in turn. It makes it all the more fun >:)

I’ve been trying to write the characters carefully so their dynamics blend or clash or do anything else that I please, and that means letting them roam free and interact with each other while keeping their special character quirks. I love writing Mob constantly on the verge of guilty instability, Seri having to step his ass up despite his confidence not yet being 100%, Shou and his mysterious ways that are SO worth exploring because he's such a complex character despite not appearing a lot in canon, Ritsu’s impulsive, fear-driven, 13-year-old antics (and that dreaded stop sign), and of course, Reigen and all his pathetic self-loathing. In fact, ALL of them have been incredibly fun to write because ONE has amazing, fleshed-out characters that interact so well together. BUT I’ve been surprised with how much I’ve loved writing Dimple and Teru especially. Dimple’s not hard to write at all for me, but his interactions with the other characters in writing are ADDICTING, and I didn't expect that. I will say this forever, but I want Dimple in more fics because of the POTENTIAL. LET THE FART CLOUD HAVE THE SPOTLIGHT!! As for Teru—you can ask anyone who was around for the first few draft chapters of AH—I was very hesitant to write him at all. I personally think his character is very hard to nail, and I’m honestly surprised at how much the audience has taken to his role and his little moments within the fic—that encouragement and influence definitely made him appear more than I originally anticipated :)

I could ramble for hours about every character and all their inner complexities that I'd love to explore in this work and others. But I will stop myself here hahaha.

Thank you for this sweet little breakdown of what you’re enjoying in AH so far. It makes me feel very happy :) And thank you all for all the support! It really means a lot.

As for my mysterious sickness from a few weeks ago, it has vanished! Student life is crawling with unknown bacteria. It's like you're in daycare all over again, or perhaps a medieval plague ward. Now all I have to do is battle the turbulent trials of finals :’)

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #fanfic #reigen arakata #hanazawa teruki #whump #area hysteria #sweet anons #kageyama shigeo

[megumixtsumiki]

Gosh, I can't with these people shippering itafushi sukufushi, gofushi and all the other somethingfushi yaoi ships but went rage when you mention huge hints about Tsumiki calling it weird. I mean how is it weird, they're no blood siblings? Sigh

Hello dear anon.

Ok, let's take a breath together.

Inhale, 1-2-3-4... and exhale, 1-2-3-4...

I know. I totally get it. It's very frustrating.

This fandom's ship culture has turned sour and it's very unfortunate because shipping is so much fun.

And it’s not just about megumiki. It’s gojohime and any ship that the hive mind in general doesn’t like.

Instead of respecting each other's ships, it's become about how this ship is toxic and that ship is toxic too and you shouldn't like it and how wrong it is that you like it.

It’s extremely arrogant to think that you can police what others like or don’t like because you think people don’t understand the implications of a ship. You see that a lot in this fandom.

LE SIGH indeed!

If I may... it's not that megumiki doesn't have its fair share of "toxic". I personally head canon Megumi and Tsumiki probably do have an "unhealthy" attachment to each other. They were abandoned by their parents, after all. Each other is all they had.

As you say, they're also not blood related. So even if they call each other "brother" and "sister", they are choosing those labels for themselves. They could easily call each other "childhood friends". I personally think it's sweet they think of each other as siblings because it means its a very soulful bond that goes beyond blood.

They chose each other.

I like to think Gege was very intentional about them not being blood related.

But go ahead and explain that to a keyboard warrior who is only interested in standing on their moral high horse saying the kids should be protected from incest without actually understanding what it entails to actually protect kids who are victims of incest.

By the way, I've had to work with children who suffered from abuse and neglect, including incest, in my professional career as a social worker. It was heartbreaking. My shipping megumiki has absolutely nothing to do with those children.

But... whatever.

You know what I learned and decided upon recently?

Humans in general are dumb. Choose your battles. Love your ship. How's that for a slogan?

megumiki has become my self-insert, self-indulgent ship and I decided not to care what anyone else thinks about it.

And that's what shipping is about anyways. It's about how a ship moves your soul. It's not about the logic behind the ship.

In all honesty, takes about how a ship in jjk is toxic because of whatever logical reasons someone can come up with are so stupid to me because when we ship, we don't ship with our brain, we ship with our heart.

We also ship according to our psychoemotional level of maturity. So to judge someone for shipping something toxic when they are not able to see that yet for themselves is also arrogant and downright mean.

The irony is always when people denouncing other ships they don't like for "logical reasons", ship a pairing and clearly very much LOVE the pairing with their heart, and then use their brain to justify why they like the ship.

There's nothing wrong with loving a ship unless you're putting down other ships.

What's the point honestly? To feel better about yourself? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess it's kind of relatable.

Anyways, since I've opened that can of worms...

You know what pisses me off the most? It's when fans say that if you ship a hetero ship and say you don't see a particular pairing as gay, it's because you're homophobic.

🤦🏻‍♀️ someone please... the nerve...

My internet history be like:

*closes incognito tabs with gay media*

Also I'm bisexual and my favorite OTP pairings are mostly gay ships (with a few exceptions).

How would people who only ship gay ships like it if I said they are heterophobic and biphobic?

Honestly. When did shipping heteroships get canceled?

The oppressed became the oppressor...

Anyways! Thanks for reaching out and ranting with me.

Here's to seeing more megumiki moments in jjk! Fandom is going to loose their shit if Gege draws something ambiguous... that or they'll probably cancel the moment and completely deny the idea that Megumi saw Tsumiki as anything more than a sister.

But hey, to each their own. It's ok. 

Haters gonna hate.

[sunriseverse]

don’t worry ur not keeping me up that’s all on me… i have nearly 30k words of extremely self indulgent sxx in a google doc rn. its so self indulgent in fact it may not ever see the public eye but by god am i going to finish it…

i also think they end up working things out eventually. you know. eventually. they’re going to be okay! (i kind of envision them figuring out they can engage in kink in a non-sexual way. or at least for song lan. xue yang is definitely enjoying it in a very much sexual way and so is xiao xingchen but they don’t push it onto sl. big fan of sxx being kinksters in general but like, song lan being able to touch them without taking his clothes off + no skin-to-skin contact and xue yang is ok with it because that means song lan is actually participating and not just Watching Him. one day i’ll write a fic entitled Song Lan and Xue Yang Discover Leather Gloves Are Really Awesome and Cool. however… with the kink there is the issue of the Trauma. i think xy chronically forgets he can use a safeword. also subdrop is so incredibly bad for him. and sometimes sl wants to push himself when he rlly should not. but they work thru that too… oh god. i did it again. this a paragraph. come on <- telling my brain to stop)

1. please do Not tell your brain to stop please keep talking i am Listening i am Riveted. genuinely this is one of the most fascinating and fulfilling dialogues i’ve had in the past few days i’m not even kidding.

2. listen. sometimes you just have to write something that’s so goddamn self indulgent. for your own sake. as a treat. that said if you ever publish it PLEASE toss it my way i will read the fuck out of that. i will even try to put together a comment that’s more than me just shouting incoherently.

3. i’m trying to come up with like a Sensible Coherent Interesting comment on all of that but words are hard right now. i’m taking that concept and i’m turning it over in my hands like a river smooth stone. it’s so fucking pleasing there’s so many good textures i want to keep it forever. do you Understand.

4. ah……….trauma! just when you least expect it! not to sound repetitive but i fucking love when characters have trauma reactions i Love seeing them deal with that. pain. suffering. catharsis. maybe they get to be held at the end of it, that’s always really nice.

anyway. thank you once again. please pardon my lack of verbosity i can’t stop making little cat noises with joy.

#another banger from yi city anon. wherever you are i hope you know you’re making my day #ask #c.txt #yi city anon

[aphrodite-made-me-write-it]

Just Call My Name / I’m Yours To Tame

(A/N) AKA the self-indulgent half-finished vampire!yelena fic. this COULD potentially be split into 3 parts, if this gets enough interaction that i decide to continue

edit: ok yes i will absolutely continue this i did not need that much convincing

Rating: E (EXPLICIT, SMUT AF, Minors DNI!)

read it on ao3

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort; sad sex; this is literally sad as fuck, yall on twitter said you wanted this but u did not realize this was entirely just SADNESS lmfao; soft smut lowkey; i’d like to think this is a tasteful reincarnation/soulmate au but it’s extremely cheesy

Pairing: Yelena Belova x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Synopsis: Yelena hasn’t allowed herself to be selfish in centuries. When a face reappears after centuries of loneliness, she doesn’t quite know what to do with herself.

Yelena doesn’t allow herself to think of Before.

It’s too painful, those memories. Another life. 

But there are moments where they slip through the cracks of the walls she’s so carefully built around herself over the centuries. Times where her past is undeniable, inescapable. The night she meets you is one of those moments.

Yelena gave up on faith long ago. What gods should an immortal answer to, anyway? She’s watched empires rise and fall, wars fought and won, maps rewritten. She has witnessed time slip through her fingers like sand.

And yet-

And yet there is something divine when she sees you. Something holy settling deep in her very being, countering that vicious monster she’s become with surprising strength. 

Yelena gave up on faith long ago. She gave up on fate.

But here you are.

Centuries later. A little different, something new in your eyes and step, but it’s undeniably you. 

Yelena hasn’t allowed herself to be selfish in so long, she’s forgotten what it’s like to indulge in her desires. She’s forgotten how to want, but suddenly, the desire is so strong within her it takes all of her willpower to not take you right in the middle of this crowded bar.

Instead, she calms herself, and she approaches you with a casual smile. 

“Tell me,” she drawls, “what’s a pretty thing like you doing all alone in a place like this?”

She knows she has you the moment your eyes meet.

The conversation from there up until she convinces you to take her home with you is a bit of a blur. She asks, mostly, about your life. She wants to know everything, wants to know every intimate detail but she can’t allow herself to be too indulgent. She is keenly aware of what she is, of the fact that your blood calls to her almost as strongly as her heart calls for yours. 

This life hasn’t been kind to you. Your other life wasn’t, either, but this one is better than the last. Yelena doesn’t tell you this, because stupid things like that don’t matter in a new life. You don’t have parents in this life, not anymore, and Yelena wishes she could hide you away from the world and its tragedies. She doesn’t say this either, because crazy things like that from strangers in bars are red flags. You carry a sadness in you, and Yelena decides that maybe it’s okay to be a little self-indulgent sometimes.

You say something like, “I guess I’m just here to be a little selfish. Relieve some stress.” 

And Yelena responds, “Allow me to be selfish with you.” 

Thankfully, the double meaning isn’t lost upon you, and you’re dragging Yelena out into the chilly evening before the blonde can second-guess herself.

The second your lips meet, Yelena throws caution to the wind. She wants. She has never wanted so strongly before. No, she has - centuries ago. This passion is as familiar to her as the sunset and still just as beautiful every time she experiences it. She wants to drown in it, consume every inch of you until you’re left bare for her greedy eyes to finish the job.

“Your hands are freezing,”  you hiss when her fingers slip beneath your shirt and bra to toy with your nipples. 

She pauses momentarily, considers telling you that you’re about to make a huge mistake by being with a monster such as herself.

Instead, she says, “Where is your bedroom?”

And you’re too far gone in the haze of her touch, you don’t question any further.

Yelena is in awe of every inch exposed to her. It’s exactly as she remembers. You’re everything she remembers. A ghost from her past, brought to her in a form that she can touch. That she can hold. 

And she can’t resist touching for long. Yelena drags her hands over your skin like she’s afraid she’ll lose you, and honestly, she is. Because she can’t let herself do this again, because losing you once was hard enough and having this is already going to break her for years to come.

But she figures one night can maybe last her a few centuries. The last one had, after all.

“Yelena,” you gasp when she pushes you onto the bed. “I want to undress you. Please?”

You just look so pretty when you ask for permission. Yelena gives in immediately, body far ahead of her mind on the matter. You’re careful with her, too, as if you also had the strength to snap her in half. It almost brings tears to Yelena’s eyes. Almost.

You free her of her dress, which she admittedly wore to catch the attention of someone to drink, but she’s happy that you seem so fond of it. You lean forward and capture one of her breasts in your mouth and Yelena slips her fingers through your hair, pulling you closer, closer, closer.

If you recognize that Yelena’s heartbeat, if erratic, is not that of a normal human’s, you don’t say anything; nor do you mention that all of her is freezing cold. You ravish Yelena with your mouth until she’s settled in your lap, hips pressing yours into the mattress. With a gentle tug, she pulls you back to her mouth and swallows your moan when she eases you onto your back.

You look up at her, almost in awe as you take in her body. “You’re perfect,” you breathe, and Yelena’s chest squeezes painfully. She isn’t perfect. She’s a monster. A killer. You should be terrified of her.

Her lips find yours again, slower in their passion but still heated. Her hands make quick work of your panties, fingers ghosting along your thighs until you sigh impatiently into her mouth. She smiles a little at this, because you were always impatient, and allows you just the faintest relief by skirting her fingers along your clit.

“Tell me you want this,” she murmurs, pulling away from your swollen lips to look down at your nearly black eyes, your pupils blown wide with desire.

“I want you,” you whimper, eyebrows pulling together when she circles your clit again. “I want you, Yelena, please.”

She kisses your cheek before finally slipping her fingers through you. You’re soaked, and so willing, and Yelena wishes she could keep you. She wishes more than anything else in the entire world that she could be selfish forever.

One night, she promises herself.

Just the one.

A curse leaves your lips when Yelena sucks a deep bruise into your neck. It takes all of her strength to keep her fangs at bay, your blood so tempting beneath fragile flesh. She reminds herself to take it slow, to make this last. As much as she’d love to watch you come undone, she wants this to last long into the night. Wants to map every inch of your skin with her tongue and fingers until she’s certain you’re really here.

She pumps her fingers slowly, at first. Your hips wiggle impatiently, and Yelena takes great care to withhold her strength when she pins you to the bed with her free hand, sitting up a little so she can balance herself and look down at you.

And what a sight you are. 

Head tilted back, lips parted as sighs escape you. Your eyes are shut tightly, teeth occasionally digging into your cheeks as if to stop yourself from moaning. Yelena loves a challenge. 

She curls her fingers until she finds the spot that makes your eyes snap open with a sharp whimper. 

“That’s it,” Yelena praises softly, “look at me, sweet thing. Oh, you look so beautiful like this.” Her words make your walls flutter around her fingers. She thrusts a little faster, constantly rubbing against that spot so you can’t hold any noises back. “Let me hear those pretty sounds, detka.” 

“F-fuck,” your hands grab at Yelena’s arms, clinging for dear life as you quickly approach your climax.

Sensing this, Yelena slows her pace significantly and draws a pathetic noise from deep inside your chest. She feels your whole body vibrate it, her senses alive in a way they haven’t been for so long.

“Please,” you whimper, “please, Yelena-”

“Shh,” she croons, sliding down your body with slow, tantalizing kisses. “Hold on a little longer for me, printsessa. It will feel so good if you hold on for me.”

She marks each of your hipbones, smoothing over the bruising skin with her tongue before looking up and locking eyes with you.

Your hand finds hers. She weaves your fingers together without question, easing the pressure on your waist so you can move against her tongue when she runs it along your entrance, capturing the wetness already gathered there and on her fingers. She loves that she doesn’t even have to tell you to keep looking at her, you just do. Loves that your flushed cheeks and parted lips are because of her, for her.

As your walls clench tight around her, Yelena tries to memorize this moment. The feral pleasure of it. The lust, the selfishness. She imagines herself being selfish again, maybe returning tomorrow, but then she remembers she might not ever leave if she allowed herself to be so indulgent on her desires.

“C-can I- please, please-” you pant, voice cracking with moans as Yelena’s tongue flicks against your clit. “Please, I need to-”

With a hum and a curl of her fingers, you come apart and Yelena knows she’ll never be able to escape you. She can’t let you go. Not ever.

She doesn’t let you come down before working you up again, her tongue replacing her fingers and making your back arch high. Your hand closes tightly around hers, Yelena figures it might be painful if she were human, and your eyes can no longer remain open. You don’t even fight your noises, now, her name spilling from your lips like ink on paper, a vibrant array of color flashing in front of her very eyes. 

Yelena lets herself be very selfish. 

It isn’t until you’re a panting, trembling mess that she finally allows you a break. You’re weak with exhaustion, body covered in sweat - amongst other things - and Yelena’s dead heart skips a beat. Can you believe it? It skips a whole beat.

She can sense the sun, more than she can see it. It’ll be rising soon, and she won’t have a way to get back home and Natasha will worry. 

With a final look at your sleeping body, Yelena remembers the last time she let herself continue her selfishness. Remembers the pain of loss. Remembers spending lifetimes wishing for another night like this one, nights where she could go back in time and save you from your fate.

Only now, she’s wiser. She’s older. She knows that there’s only pain down that road.

So she turns away, and leaves.

~ Gen tags ~

@nobody13 @fireflyglass @swords-are-cool​ @artapdarkstr @pasta-bandit @multi-images @women-am-i-right @fanboy7794 @simplysimping999 @ohmygooddamnbisexual-mood @jayreadingforfun314 @alotofpockets @avengerswriter4eva @007giu

if you wanna be tagged for a fic/character/everything just lmk!

#is this a drabble? #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova smut #yelena belova x you #yelena belova imagine #listen i just think this idea is neat #i do think there is potential for multiple parts so i kept the ending vague #let me LIVE #let me LIIIIIIIVE #and follow me on twitter bc thats how u dictate what gets posted babe

[ladymaigrey]

Why Matt first stopped being DD and then stopped being Matt Murdock (and why I feel sympathy for Matt’s God)

I had thoughts... and they led me to form a theory of why Matt stopped being Daredevil between Season 2 and Defenders and how that all connects to Season 3. 

These might be all bleeding obvious and rehashed, but screw it - I am rediscovering them. You are welcome to rediscover them with me :)

From memory - and I’ve only seen the Defenders once - it was never really focused on why Matt stopped being DD. There might’ve been some explanation given by Matt himself, in passing, that he didn’t think it was good for him, and for people around him, etc., but, other than that, everything that led up to that MONUMENTAL DECISION was bypassed and glossed over. 

Charlie Cox tried to fill in the gaps when he said that Daredevil failed in Season 2, so Matt hung up the suit and tried to re-centre himself, but, as Matt Murdock, he was living a lie. Daredevil was his authentic self, so, by denying Daredevil, Matt was denying an essential part of himself and was guaranteed to fail. Charlie compared Daredevil to being like a drug to Matt, but that cannot be entirely correct as living an authentic life and compulsive drug-taking are direct opposites. However, from the perspective of where Defenders ended up , when an impulsive and self-destructive Matt climbed under a collapsing building to die with the only person he believed could accept his “authentic” side... well, Daredevil didn’t look like a particularly healthy option either.  

Even if that didn’t happen, being Daredevil only - indulging in the adrenaline and the violence of it without the balance of daytime life and friendships - likely would’ve taken Matt to the other extreme: being Daredevil would’ve lost its authentic meaning and, indeed, become an escape drug from feeling shame and self-hatred of giving in to his dark “devil” side.

So, what did happen with Matt between Season 2 and Defenders?

Matt buried Daredevil with Elektra, figuratively speaking, as a prescience to burying himself with her literally. 

Just before Elektra’s death, he dreamed of taking Daredevil and running away with her, wishing to connect himself to the only person who he thought could accept that part of him. It was a fantasy concocted in the midst of a crises, but it certainly spoke of a deep earning to have that authentic part of him - which he hid for so long and which was already rejected by his best friend - known and loved. 

But the only reason why he and Elektra ended up on that roof surrounded by the Hand was because of Daredevil, because it was Daredevil’s rescuees that were held hostage there. And Elektra died. 

Daredevil was tainted. Daredevil belonged with Elektra; he didn’t belong in the daylight. Matt didn’t feel Daredevil could be accepted in the daylight - not by Foggy and not by Karen (although, there, Matt has attributed to Daredevil what was Matt Murdock’s, because Daredevil was not the problem, as far as Karen was concerned).

So Matt “killed” Daredevil. 

Unfortunately, that didn't solve anything, but made it worse. While living as Matt Murdock, he suffered because he cut a part of himself off - an authentic part, as Charlie said. So, when Elektra reappeared, it was the final straw to give himself the permission to become Daredevil again, but it also ripped him away from being Matt Murdock. In his mind, I believe, it seemed dichotomous - he already couldn’t see himself as being able to be both Matt Murdock and Daredevil. Even if he reached and rescued Elektra - then what? He couldn’t go back to being Matt Murdock, not with her being a dangerous, psychotic, immortal god-like killer.  He was depressed. He was so tired of being torn in two and having to choose between two parts of himself that he needed. So he decided to bury himself as Daredevil with Elektra, for the second time. 

And, STILL, that hasn't worked. God kept pulling him out of the grave, sitting him down and saying "no, that's not the answer, try again". 

And then he lost his hearing, which seemed to be a message from God to “go back to being Matt Murdock only” - a situation Matt had already experienced and which he had made as depressing and hopeless for himself as possible. (OK, so Foggy and Karen weren’t much help in smoothing it out for him either - for some understandable reasons, and some head-in-the-ass reasons.)

So, same problem, same dead-end; Matt tried the same way out: suicide by Daredevil. 

Nope, God said, try AGAIN. (At this point, I am starting to feel sorry for God in the face of Matt’s monumental draMattic stubbornness.)

The answer, of course, is the internal acceptance of both of his sides; the knowledge that he has the right to exist as both Matt Murdock and Daredevil; to begin the journey towards loving both parts of him and, maybe, one day, accepting that others can love both parts of him, too. To trust that the rage and the violence in him will not negate the fact that he is a good person; that it’s not foreordained that the violence will spill to those around him.

Season 3, thankfully, sets him on that journey, largely due to his friends pulling their own heads out of their asses in time to latch onto Matt and to help him pull his head out of his ass, so some clarity of heads gets re-established.

Eventually.

Oh, and there was something about Fisk and Bullseye in there, too. :)

#musings #matt murdock #elektra natchios #psychology #tw suicide mention #season 2 to Defenders to Season 3 #religion #mypost

[lots-o-stuff]

okay so i’ve been obsessed with your writing like god damn, save some talent for the rest of us please 😔 but i would like to make a request 😳 headcons of tsuki, sugawara, and daichi with a s/o that sleeps very late. like 3am+ type late, so they’re always on the verge of sleeping during class and usually don’t have breakfast since they wake up last minute n all. stuff like that. thank you 😭💕

EEEEEE oh my god!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! ahhh I saw this as I was leaving school and I was like trying not to cry happy tears!! Alos this was EXTREMELY self indulgent because, like, who sleeps?? hahah not me thats for sure! This was seriously so much fun so thank you for the request!

Tsukki:

I believe that Tsukki himself is quite the night owl, he will be up till 12 reading, listening to music, maybe studying but he always make sure to be in bed by 12:30

you however can lose track of time VERY VERY easily so before you and tsukki started dating you were up till 3am on a daily maybe even later on a weekend

when you both got together you had offhandedly mentioned to him that you were a bit of a night owl, this prompted him too ask how late you stay up exactly

because well… he was a night owl so you cant be that much worse than him right? WRONG

He was quite surprised on the inside that you stayed up till 3am daily, I mean how did you not fall asleep halfway through the day?

after that he started to notice how much not sleeping and staying up so late actually affected you

you would always complain about missing breakfast from sleeping in late, as well as that he noticed how you would daze out during class and not be paying attention

after that Tsukki made a promise to himself. When he went to sleep he would text or call you and tell you to go too sleep

at first you were very confused because… Tsukki? are you ok? awww you care?

You listened to him after that because he could always tell when you stayed up later… no matter how much you tried to hide it hmph

Suga:

ok so suga is NOT a night owl at all, i firmly believe that he needs, in his words, his "Beauty sleep"

and well… you aren’t exactly the fall asleep at 9pm type person. Your more the "Im going to be in bed by 9:30 tonight" but end up awake till 3 watching a how to play the harmonica video on youtube and no you don’t own a harmonica either

when you both got together sleeping schedules weren’t something mentioned so he never realised that you stayed up so late

when he did find out it was because you sent him a youtube link to a tiktok POV compilation that you somehow had ended up on at 2 in the morning

honestly a first he was annoyed because well if he doesn’t get enough sleep he looks like a walking trashcan whereas you look like an angel and its not fair

but then he realised just how tired you were during the day and decided to put an end to your late night youtube spirals

so he annoyed you… no i’m not joking i personally believe that Suga can be bitchier than Oikawa so yes he ANNOYED YOU into going to bed early

how you ask? well he started with spam messaging you at 9pm to sleep, when that didn’t seem to work he made reasons for you too get up early, like getting you up early so you could get breakfast at a cafe together

and then as a final attempt at getting you to sleep he said that he would stay up as long as you do and obviously your like "No way" because He needs his sleep

well lets just say that you now make sure to go to bed semi early so around 10:30, 11:00.

Daichi:

Daichi is in bed by 8:30pm or on big day maybe 9-9:30, sorry but thats just who he is. He needs his sleep so he can be well rested and ready for school/practice the next day

you? ah what’s wrong with a little sleep deprivation every now and then aka everyday it’s not THAT bad your just a lil tired ya know?

i honest to god feel as though that is how you two met and got together, you fell asleep in your last class of the day and Daichi had come up and woken you

you in your dazed half asleep sort of mumbled out a "sorry i didn’t get much sleep last night" whilst packing up your stuff and leaving the room rubbing your eyes

the next day in that class Daichi comes up to you as it ends you actually stayed awake this time and asked if you got better sleep last night?

you slightly confused realised that this was the same person who woke you up yesterday so you sorta of shyly jus said that you don’t get much sleep any night, thus your friendship and eventual relationship

You can not tell me that Daichi isn’t the person who would go onto your phone with permission of course and secretly set up screen time so you cant be on your phone past say 9:30 except for messages because he still wants you to be able to message him if you need him

at first you were shocked, and then you became really annoyed because, wtf, why? and you would bug him for the password (which he refuses to give you)

….it worked…. somehow this stupid screen time that your very loving boyfriend set for you worked to get you too sleep earlier and on days where you just couldn’t sleep he would be up texting you till 3 am if need be

You are extremely grateful for the day that Daichi saw his classmate sleeping in the corner of the room and decided to be nice and wake you up

Again thank you so much for requesting I loved this. If you have any request please just hop int my ask box and send away because i LOVE writing requests!!!

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima #tsukishima headcanons #sugawara #suga x reader #suga #sugawara x reader #suga headcanons #sugawara headcanon #daichi #daichi x reader #daichi headcanon #karasuno #karasuno x reader #karasuno headcanons

[postbreakup]

Journalling my healing process

So, this is more for myself. I got dumped after 6 years cause his parents told him to cut it off, we were thinking of getting engaged. It’s been a week of no-contact and a lot of highs and lows mostly lows. Yesterday night I was battling extreme suicidal thoughts that had been bottling up. Ive decided I’m going to keep an online journal of my healing process as it will give me some purpose to life (knowing that i have to update this journal for y’all :)).

Self note*: I will get through this.

Day 1: I managed to make it through the day. In the morning I was balling in tears and didnt get out of bed until 12. I realised I had to get some of my uni reading done and looked at my reading list. I had to read a 60 page article and write notes on it. I managed to do it. It helped me keep my mind of stuff. I tried to make some food but honestly I didn’t have the emotional strength. I decided to order food instead. I got some pasta and fries (decided to indulge in comfort food). Finished the pasta not the fries tho. I’m still online stalking his online activity- its a bad habit. I still have hope but that hope is slowly dying away and that makes me sad. I want him to be happy- even tho he broke me he was there for me at one point. These feelings I can’t explain. He stood by me on one hand and he broke 100 promises on the other- it makes you question the depth of his feelings. Was there once feelings but it faded which gave him the capability to hurt me so bad? God knows. I have no closure at all. When he left he told me ‘i love u’ and i said i hated him back…part of me wonders if I should have said that :(. I wish he had the stance to breakup in person rather than text i think thats what made me the angriest. I’m still so hurt but i feel like I’m trying to convince myself I’m ok. I will get through this.

Day 2: It’s been 8 days since the breakup…wow. The wounds still feel fresh. On a positive light at least I’m not screaming into my pillow every night and shouting at god why he never answered any of my prayers. I woke up in the morning feeling meh. You know that feeling when you managed to sleep and you wake up and you suddenly remember all the sadness in your life that you’ll have to endure and internalise throughout the day until you can go to sleep. Yup I’m getting a daily dose of that every morning. I managed to wake up at 8:30 instead of 12 (mainly because i was so behind in my reading). Today I managed to read two articles and write notes on them and i was able to create a presentation for my law society workshop as well. It really hurt creating the presentation because my ex was supposed to come and see my first workshop event i hosted at uni. I keep looking at my phone waiting for a text…am i fooling myself? Will he ever text me. My brain is realising that he is not good for me…I can’t be with someone who has the potential to leave me when things get tough no matter how loyal and supportive I am. I’m still drowning in the love i still have for him. I think i will always love him, its always been like that when we were on a break I wasn’t able to give my full to other people because my heart belonged to him. I still can’t comprehend how he is able to make this decision to live in a world without me. Today I didnt eat so well. In fact whilst writing this I feel like absolute shit. Like where has my life come to? Writing a random journal nobody is gonna read anyways…almost like talking to myself…have i become crazy? But I will get through this.

Day 3- We had out final closure yesterday a lot of miscommunication was cleared but it makes me sadder than before. He let me know that he was cold on purpose in order to make me hate him so it would be easier to get over him. It was a very emotional conversation. He told me we could meet up for closure but i declined because the idea of seeing him hurts, and i didnt want to create anymore memories to drown myself in at night. He cared about me a lot and I understand he just wasn’t ready for marriage and the only reason he went with it was cause he loved me more than himself. His parents disowning him and kicking him out is another issue- its not that there was no love between us there was an intense love, perfect compatibility, we never fought and when we did we were able to resolve it peacefully and listen to each other. It was just external circumstances. Honestly, the bar is high for the next person, i never clicked so well with anyone else. He said we can wish each other happy birthday every year but i said i think seeing glimpses of each other twice a year is going to hurt us and he agreed. The breakup initially was very messy i was very upset but I didn’t want to leave it on a bad note we resolved and took back anything we said that was hurtful and made up. I think the fact we were able to have a civil discussion, express out feelings, accept and recognise why the other felt the way they did only shows how compatible we were and its just that life got in the way. He truly was ‘the one that got away’. I want nothing but happiness for him he’s been struggling with his depression for a while and i want him to get out of it. I want to get out of all my problems too. I’m really glad he has a support network, a therapist a psyiatrist. I need to work on forming my own support network too. I will get through this.

[hhawkeye]

would love to hear more abt your trans hawkeye thots if you’re in the mood to share...

OH BOY AM I im always in the mood to share trans hawkeye thoughts lmao ok SO. so.

he was born in like the 20s? in smalltown maine and his dad is The town doctor so. it would probably have been easy(ish) for daniel to change hawkeyes records?

testosterone injections were first used in the 30s in europe and i mean. it probably involves a little hand waving but i dont think its completely out of the bounds of possibility to be like. well hawkeye got it. like he stays up to date on medicine! his dad’s a doctor! a doctor who probably, when hawkeye came out, started to gain a vested interest in this and was keeping an eye out specifically for anything that would help his kid! in the same vein, the first known top surgery was performed around the same time (again in europe) and again while handwaving is needed i dont think it would be that far fetched for hawkeye to know someone who knows someone who was willing to do him a favour, esp if he himself is a doctor by this point?

(medical info mainly from this dude’s life: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Dillon who was one of if not the first trans man to go through all this medical stuff, i haven’t read too much about him yet but i do want to read his book)

ANYWAY. so anyway this being established, that he was able to get his legal records changed and could have been on testosterone and had top surgery and possibly bottom surgery (although that interferes with my evil fucked up au so in my world he does not get bottom surgery. hawkeye pussy indulgence) hes like living his best life yknow whatever THENNNNN he gets drafted :( and its like. im pretty sure you have to have a physical before ur allowed in the army but they Needed doctors and i mean, fucking look at hawkeye he’s basically pre-serum steve rogers theres no way he’d pass a physical even if he was cis so i think they were just like youre in :) and he has this like. extremely horrible realisation that he could so easily get out of this if he just Told them he was trans. but also it would ruin his life completely. so he’s stuck between ruining his life by going to korea or ruining his life by not being A Man anymore. haha. fun

anyway he ends up in korea and i think everything there is the same except he doesnt shower with other people i guess. and ok Canonically he is “very thorough” when he sleeps w nurses so i can def see that as like, yknow, he gives the women what they want and maybe he has a strap on i guess but maybe not. who knows.

ANYWAY. ALL THAT BEING SAID here are some fun trans hawkeye things :)

hawkeye has been his nickname even before he came out, and that has always been his Name. one time when hes still figuring shit out he asks his dad what he’d have been called if he was Born A Boy and his dad says benjamin franklin as a joke and hawkeyes like. well alright then. and then later when he comes out and his dad says he’ll change his paperwork etc hawkeyes like ok my names benjamin franklin now :) and daniels like. what the fuck is wrong with you.

his mom died before he came out :( sad. he has a lot of weird complicated dead parent feelings about it but daniel assures him she would have accepted him and been proud of him no matter what

sometimes when he and margaret have arguments about 1. misogyny and 2. being who everyone expects you to be, not being able to be anyone except your authentically true self, etc, hawkeye desperately wants to Tell Her but he knows he cant because hello. but i think eventually he does tell her? and also she is a little 😨 about it, not because she doesnt accept him (though i think it would take a while bc hello. the fifties) but because she Understands in a way that she absolutely does not want to examine

oh he cant get testosterone in korea and thats a whole ass thing. evil hormones </3

evil fucked up au takes place in the trans hawkeye cinematic universe and it is bad but also very good

ummmmmmm what else. idk. i think a lot of the uh less great moments of misogyny and skirt chasing etc are genuine but i also think he plays them up a little just because well. it keeps people from asking too many questions yknow.

i think possibly post war he keeps up with the latest in trans medicine and does develop a reputation for being the doctor you go to who either can provide you with the meds you need or knows someone who will do so but i think he would be extremely careful about it since obviously he has more to risk by doing that than cis doctors would? but also he Gets It and will do what he can to help people (UNRELATED but i def think he provides Illegal abortions for ppl like. come on. he has to right.)

#IM SURE I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS BUT ITS 5AM SO IDK

[filipinoizukuu]

gooood mornin' codi I woke up way late today but I finally remembered that I was meaning to send you an ask about what your anti-pet peeves for fics are (since you did pet peeves a while ago). in more sensible terms, what are things in fics that you really like?

anyways hope you have a wonderful day byeeee :]

! g'morning snail <3<3 and omg this ask.... positive vibes! thank you for asking :'D (this got really long so i put the rest under the cut :'))

im gonna do this in the same format as last time, so same disclaimers that these are all a matter of personal preference for me and just because they're absent from a fic doesn't mean its not a good fic!! i love yall fanfic writers v v much n appreciate ur service o7

in terms of writing, i'm not really picky over grammar or spelling or punctuation errors again, as long as its intuitively understandable. the following are just along the veins of writing styles i like!

- i love love LOVE deadpan humor and snarky dialogue. characters mouthing off at each other but still in character is always my absolutely favorite thing

- actually, good dialogue in general is enough to carry even the most "overused" tropes and plot-holey fics. Characters having excellent dynamics and playing off each other's energy and generally just not talking uniformly absolutely fucks!!

- fics that have good pacing. enough said. im absolutely feral for those.

- I love really rambly writing. The kind where topics jump from different things before coming back to the main point, because I think its a really interesting sneak peak into both 'realistic' thinking processes and also the author's personality. Think something similar to Victor Hugo's writing, but a little more personal and snarky.

- Third person POVs. <3. Sometimes 2nd person if its done right, bc homestuck showed me its an excellent device for some absolutely bangin jokes

For tropes or general things i enjoy, i really really like:

- PLOTTY FICS. god. if its multi-chaptered and has a compelling plot that isn't just "defeating another baddie!" and actually puts characters in really interesting situations, SIGN ME TF UP!!! This is the reason i really liked TWYUTD and Here, Here.

- In addition to the point above, I also really like time travel fix-it fics and kid fics! (both 'x character turned into a child' and 'x ship accidentally acquire children').

- ...i also really really like canon divergence fics. like any fic that has to do with taking a path slightly different from canon?? HELL yes.

- im a. glutton for shameless tooth-rotting fluff (snail u are absolutely one of the people to blame for this omg). i love domestic fluff but also like, courting fluff. the reason i really REALLY liked Here, Here was bc of all the sappy shit bkdk did together and how smooth katsuki was. love that shit.

- OUGH enemies to lovers or rivals to lovers or meet ugly. any of these variations are GREAT as long as there is tension. I love the flirting in these fics //sighs dreamily

- self-indulgent fics where ppl make x character extremely hot. the fic doesnt even have to be about that--its just that the second i read about my comfort character (in bnha's case: deku) being perceived as pretty and badass

- mutual pining. oh god mutual pining. especially the kind where everyone else can see it nd like the only people in denial are each other

- PARENTS!! LOVING!!! THEIR KID'S!! PARTNERS!!! also just good parenting in general. i get really tired of bad parenting tropes used for backstories

for bnha specific likes?? i have quite a few

- BIG THREE BEING GOOD FRIENDS. i love it when fics have shouto, katsuki, and izuku as really close and joking with each other

- shameless everybodys-in-love-with-deku enthusiast. everyone loves him all the time. they have to.

- DAD MIGHT (bonus points if either bisexual dad might or toshinko OR both)

- class 1a being generally close, not just with each other but also with the other classes and schools. mmm thats good.

- redemption arcs or fics where the lov are just petty or slowly assimilating into like, practically harmless people. i love seeing fics where dabi and shouto argue on the phone like big brothers, or even like melancholic takes where tenko gets imprisoned but him and deku talk regularly

- MAHORO AND KATSUMA MY BELOVEDSSSS

- . tall kacchan. thats. listen i just. like it when people are tall. bonus points if also tall ochako

- DOMESTIC ROOMMATES/HERO DUO BKDK!!!! WIN TO SAVE SAVE TO WIN!!! MEDIA'S DARLINGS!!!!!!! cries ok u cant tell me they wouldnt open up a heros agency after they graduate ok? ok.

- quirkless aus except theyre all still famous whcch is absolutely why i adore 'are u dating??'

- bkdk being so aware of each other and knowing each other so well that they can basically read each others minds and practically finish each other's sentences

- oblivious idiots <3<3

- deku n bakugou being real smart <3

- quirkless vigilante deku fics........ <3

#asks #snail #long post #MAN theres probably more that i cant name but these r my faves off the top of my head #THANK U FOR THIS ASK MWAH

[ghoste-catte]

multiples of 3 ✌🏼-sgmdrcklee

@sagemoderocklee you’re really trying to kill me lol

This got long as heck so I’m throwing it behind a cut. Read on for answers and fic recs! (Mostly the fic recs)

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

This is a tough one to answer for me generally because I tend to spit words onto the page and once I have written them I no longer remember writing them. And 2020 has stretched on so long that as I’m looking at some of the stuff I wrote in the beginning of this year, I hardly remember what’s even in it. I think at one point someone (@goblin-draws maybe?) mentioned a line in Sleeptalk with Me where the innkeeper calls Kankuro “chubby boy”, and I was like “Oh ... did I write that? Yeah, sounds like something I’d have someone say to Kankuro ...” 

It might be easier to talk about this in other terms. One of the scenes I worked the hardest on this year was the fight scene in Chapter 3 of Skeleton Key. The original draft of the scene was a lot shorter, and a lot of the backstory for Misaki’s revenge quest was elided. The scene as originally written was clunky, confusing, and as my lovely wife/beta put it sounded “like a Naruto villain” was doing the dialogue, when previously she’d found Misaki sinister and intriguing. Which wasn’t what I wanted. I basically entirely overhauled the scene and re-wrote it several times. I wouldn’t call it a ‘favorite’ scene (I hate writing fight scenes generally; having chosen to immerse myself in a fandom about ninja where much of the drama comes from battle is my eternal regret), but it is a scene that I put a lot of effort into, and I’m moderately satisfied with the improved product that resulted.  

6. least popular fic this year

By far my least popular fic by kudos ever is Pitch Perfect. Which makes complete sense to me. It’s a fic where I’ve written 2 characters who are men in canon as cis women, which pushes a lot of uncomfortable buttons for a lot of people. It contains F/F smut, which is something that a lot of people who choose to read GaaLee probably aren’t out there looking for. And people comment and kudos less on smutfics, I assume because they don’t want their username attached to porn or because they’re embarrassed (which I totally get, no shame there). It’s a modern AU with a sports twist, and AUs are often less popular than canonverse in my experience. I will say though that it has a surprisingly high number of private bookmarks compared to other fics with comparable hit and kudos counts. So I assume people are just a bit more shy because the premise is so ‘out there’. I will say as far as my fics go, it’s one of my personal favorites and probably one of the most intimate and true-to-life things I’ve written? So it actually is a little comforting to know that something so vulnerable has relatively little attention. 

9. longest wip of the year

If we’re going based on stuff that’s partially published but not complete, my Gaara-adopts-Shinki fic On My Way Home is my longest in-progress fic at just over 20k words, although technically I started it in 2019. It will probably end up being right around 40-50k when it’s complete, which might end up situating it as my longest fic ever? 

12. favorite character to write about this year

Okay, this is an easy one. I love writing Kankuro. I think he is hilarious. He is the devil on my shoulder and a creature of pure id, and every time I write a line of dialogue for him it’s the summation of my rudest thoughts about a situation put in the crudest possible terms. If there were a megaphone directly from my unfiltered brain giving running commentary, that would be Kankuro.

15. something you learned this year

I have learned SO much this year! This is only my 2nd year properly ‘focusing’ on writing fic and investing any substantial time into it. I think the biggest thing I have learned, though, is how to overcome a lot of my self-consciousness about writing stories with NSFW elements in them. Starting out, I was so extremely shy and mortified about writing fic at all, much less things like hugging or (god forbid!) kissing. So taking on the smut prompts I took this year and really buckling down on learning to write the mechanics and emotions of sex has been a massive learning experience. (And sorry, by the way, if I haven’t gotten to a prompt you sent me in January yet. I do intend to write all of them eventually!) 

18. current number of WIPs

Ah. The call-out question. My general fic process is idea -> outline -> wip -> edit -> ready to post (where the final draft sits in my docs until I gin up the courage to actually post it). So skipping fics that are just “ideas” on the big mega-list, I have 3 fics in the “outline” stage, 13 fics in the partially written “wip” stage, 1 fic in the “editing” stage, and 2 that are complete but yet-to-be-posted. So, like, 19 total in the offing. (The “ideas” list is even worse lol.)

21. most memorable comment/review

This is such a difficult question because every single comment I get makes me do a little dance for joy. That’s not an exaggeration btw I really sit there and like bounce around in my seat for a moment before I open the Ao3 email. I am not an especially emotive person irl, but there have been times I’ve been brought near tears by comments. I’ll also occasionally show them to my wife like !! look at this nice thing this person said !! and she’s indulgent enough to actually read them. There have been a couple comments that have really stuck with me, that I starred in my inbox and return to frequently, but I don’t want to bring attention to someone else without their permission. I will say there was one person recently who mentioned (not in the comments on one of my fics) that they had found someone who does physical binding of fanfiction and they were about to ask my permission to do that, but then the person who does the binding only does certain ships that she likes ... so that, just, absolutely floored me. The idea that someone might actual want a physical copy of my stupid little ninja fanfictions is, like, so truly immense and completely overwhelming?

24. favorite fic you read this year

You can’t make me pick just one!! (For reference, I have bookmarked right around 180 fics in the past year, and that’s not including fics that I just read, really enjoyed, but didn’t think I could ‘handle’ a second time around.) So, skipping over the ones that AREN’T Naruto ... here is a brief sampling of some faves:

Silica by deepestbluest (rated E, GaaLee, ShikaTema, and Kankiba) - An absolute emotional powerhouse of a fic that manages to skillfully interweave three complex relationship dynamics, satisfactorily resolve them, and give you ALL the sandsibs feels in just over 10k words. 

Childhood Not-Friends (series) by MegaWallflower (rated G, KakaGai) - @megawallflower is a KakaGai god for good reason. Absolutely adorable relationship development fics (five of them!) with the premise that Kakashi thinks he and Gai have been dating since they were kids ... Gai just hasn’t been clued into it yet. These stories will give you heart-eyes.

The Bright Side by gidget_goes (rated T, GaaLee) - This is the Buffy AU I never knew I needed, because I’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But truly you don’t need any Buffy knowledge to enjoy this fic. @gidget-goes command of imagery is masterful, and the way they manage to snap from snark to tugging at your heartstrings is awe-inspiring. Gaara breaks my heart in this. And did I mention Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat? Because Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat. 

Nature vs. Nurture by Bidiza (rated T, GaaLee) - So introspective and so poetic. This looks like a WIP but it’s actually multiple oneshots, although by the end of the second one you’ll be dying for the rest of the promised series. 

I’m a Fool to Want You by BeelieveRosemarie (rated M, GaaLee) - Turns out @tuttiefruttiegaalee isn’t just an amazing artist, they’re a writer, too! Slow-dancing that will break your heart. Listen to the Frank Sinatra song while you read this for extra tear-jerking effect.

Let Love be Known (series) by TenTomatoes (rated G, GaaLee) - This is the twist on the arranged marriage trope and Beauty and the Beast that I didn’t realize this fandom was missing. I’m absolutely obsessed with their concept of Gaara as the Beast

I Could Be by LilacNoctua (rated T, GaaLee) - I know I big up @lilac-writes Worthwhile series a lot (deservedly so, because it’s so good it makes you look at the series and go “Why the fuck didn’t Kishimoto make this canon exactly like this?”), but this story made me absolutely die between the butterflies in my stomach and how hard I was laughing. There’s one line--you’ll know it when you read it--that absolutely bowls me over every time I re-read this. 

And Then Continue by EgregiousDerp (rated E, GaaLee) - Obviously I’m biased because this was a gift, but @egregiousderp writes some of the the best characterized porn I’ve ever read. You will read this and go “Wow! This is exactly how it would happen!” It’s such a tender, beautiful exploration of Gaara’s insecurities and a very real feeling first time, for all its soft edges. 

Cake by citronelle (rated E, KanKiba) - I don’t even know what to say about this one other than ... phew, this is extremely well written, extremely hot, and extremely in character. Just read it. I promise it’s worth it. 

Saudade by YumKiwiDelicious (rated M, GaaLee) - I’ve run around reccing this to just about every person on the face of the earth at this point. If you’re in the GaaLee Discord you probably saw everyone salivating over every new update of this fic and with good reason. The twists and turns of this fic will have you on the edge of your seat, second guessing every single moment. And it will break your heart in the meantime. What more could you want?

the love potion commotion by floating_cats (rated T, NejiSasu with background GaaLee) - One of those fics where you wish the author’s sense of humor was your own. So many hilarious moments in this story, and it brought me a new appreciation for a ship I never would have even considered. 

Finger Lickin’ Good by whazzername (rated E, GaaLee) - Whazz is another one of those authors where I literally want to rec every single thing she’s ever written, she’s just that good. (Speaking of which, if you haven’t read Fools Rush In and its sequel Degrees of Separation, you’re missing out on the best possible Metal origin story of all time. Don’t deprive yourself of this.) But this story is just ... so incredibly in character for a situation that reads like crack. It’s handled with the utmost straight-facedness and it’s so. freakin’. good. 

heart lines by winterberry_holly (rated M, NejiTen and GaaLee) - I don’t even have the words to describe how perfect this fic is. It’s a truly beautiful exploration of Tenten’s relationship with her palmistry hobby and with the people in her life. My heart ached with every single line. 

Standing on Ceremony by kuroashi (rated E, GaaLee) - This is just ... such a beautiful wedding story. So lovely, like getting the best possible warm hug from someone you love. If that love one was slightly strange and socially inept, because, well. It’s still Gaara doing Gaara-things. @baphometsss is another one of those authors whose handling of smut scenes is so stupendous it makes me wildly jealous. 

Thrall by RokiRiot (rated T, GaaLee) - Idiots-to-lovers with a magic AU twist! This is such a wonderful story, and Gaara’s internal monologue is absolutely amazing. And Lee is Deaf in this fic, which I never ever get to see and which absolutely made my entire day/week/month/life. 

Make-Out Consequences by LuxaLucifer (rated M, KakaGai with background canon Boruto ships) - I laughed so hard reading this that I had to take a breather to stop crying. That’s not an exaggeration. The characterization in this fic is impeccable and the humor is to die for. Naruto’s buffoonery truly shines here, and the author’s wit is just beyond anything I could even properly summarize. Hysterical. A++. 

Thirteen Strokes by Luna_Lee (rated T, GaaLee) - Again, like, if you aren’t reading literally everything @sagemoderocklee writes, are you even really a GaaLee fan? But this fic is beyond even for one of Eeri’s incredibly excellent writings. The worldbuilding in this, the cultural notes, the imagery ... it’s all so lush and so fulfilling and so beautiful. It’s a story about love and it’s a story that you can tell has love poured into every single line. I can’t recommend it enough. 

Checkmate by shadowstrangle (rated G, GaaLee) - The pettiness vibes ... this is so funny. Such a cute story and I love Gaara’s sense of humor here. Not a lot of writers give him a sense of humor, but I love how @shadowstrangle gives him a slightly odd, slightly left-of-center take on humor that still manages to be so funny. 

To Court a Village by FanFictionEngineer (rated G, GaaLee) - Another one where my bias is perhaps slightly obvious, but the premise of this fic is amazing. I love cultural misunderstandings, and the idea of Lee trying his hardest to court Gaara ineptly is just so perfect. 

affliction of feeling by theformerone (rated E, SakuHina) - One of those ships that it would never have occurred to me to seek out but that absolutely works with how the author’s set it up. The dynamics here are delicious. It’s so rare to find good F/F porn but this is one of them for sure. 

Tried and Tested by twentysomething (Rated M, KakaIru with background canon Boruto ships and GaaLee) - Iruka’s narration in this story is just incredible. I haven’t laughed this hard reading a fic in ages. And the concept alone (that Naruto can’t be promoted to Hokage until he passes his chuunin exams ... as an adult ... and Sasuke gets dragged along for the ride) is just brilliant. Amazing concept, amazingly executed. 

a fireside waltz by winterberry_holly (rated M, GaaLee) - I really tried not to rec a single author more than once here but for this one I had to. I got about halfway through this fic and immediately started running around ringing the town crier bell like READ THIS FIC! READ THIS FIC! An absolutely smoldering Regency AU with such beautiful, intimate dance scenes. My heart was racing every single time their fingers brushed. If you don’t read anything else on this list, at the very least read this. 

27. favorite fanfic author of the year

I really can’t pick just one. I am lucky enough that @egregiousderp passes me her drafts under the table before (or without) publishing, and getting to read those is a private treat of unparalleled proportions. Some of my favorite things I’ve read this year I can’t even rec because they’re her unpublished stuff. 

30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year

This is gonna come off strange because I just wrote such a long Naruto reclist, but I recently watched What We Do in the Shadows, and found an incredibly talented group of authors in that fandom with really amazingly good dialogue and narrative voice. I also read a lot of fic for the new It movies (even though I couldn’t watch the 2nd one for ~reasons~), and damn if there isn’t a talented crop of authors in that fandom, too. And finally with ATLA making its way onto Netflix, I had the chance to start watching that for the first time and found a ton of really good fic there as well! 

fanfic end of the year asks!

#answered #ask meme #sagemoderocklee #Anonymous

[hermywolf]

ranking my favorite characters about random shit part 5

ranking my favorite characters (clarke griffin, dean winchester, fox mulder, rose tyler, newt, kaz brekker, samwise gamgee, charles xavier, bill denbrough, lord asriel, steve rogers, scott mccall, anna milton and barry berkman) about random shit. this is entirely self-indulgent

Part 5: How they’d react to a breakup (i’m imagining a completely random oc as the one breaking up with them because if i start thinking of the people i ship them with breaking up with them i WILL cry)

1- NEWT

he’s the sweetest man on earth he’d want to talk about it and understand his partner’s reasons and he’d be so kind and understanding even though he’d be sad lemme tell you this man is a SAINT

2- STEVE ROGERS

sweet understanding KING. absolute TREASURE. he’d be so confused and sad at first but he’d be SO understanding UGH i am in love with this man

3- SCOTT MCCALL

remember when allison sorta kinda broke up with him and he was all sweet and kind about it and said that he believed they would find their way to each other again eventually. yeah. iconic behavior. king shit

4- SAMWISE GAMGEE

he’s the PRESIDENT of ‘let’s stay friends!’ squad he’ll definitely stay in touch with all his exes they’re all his absolute besties

5- CHARLES XAVIER

mr telepath mindreader therapist teacher man absolutely sees it coming from a thousand miles away and he might even be the one to bring it up so that his partner doesn’t worry about it. he will be sad but he gets over it in a healthy way because he’s (MOSTLY) in touch with his feelings

6- ANNA MILTON

for a fallen angel with a bit of a god complex she’s surprisingly well adjusted. i think she’s the kind to definitely stay friends with her exes except like two of them which she’s got five different plans to murder each. all in all if it’s a healthy breakup they stay friends if it involves cheating she’s out to get you motherfucker and you know what you deserve it i mean who the FUCK would cheat on ANNA MILTON of all people istg

7- DEAN WINCHESTER

whoever thinks dean is emotionally constipated enough to be the ‘i didnt like u anyway’ kind has NOT seen spn 1x13 road 666 like GUYS. he pretends to be this no-chick-flick-moments and no-attachment kinda dude but we all know he actually cares SO much and if you look at his relationship with cassie or lisa he’s actually pretty open and communicative and sincere and he geniunely tries to talk about shit with them?? so he does have a constructive and heartfelt conversation and says he understands but he also WILL cope by either going on more hunts to distract himself or by locking himself in his room with pizza and movies in his hotdog pants and send noods socks, s14 style. TONS of ice cream. he’ll ghost his ex for a while when he’s coping with it but then later on they do end up being besties (yes i AM on the team dean-becomes-bff-with-all-his-exes don’t mind me just spreading my dean being besties with anna, cassie, lisa,amara, benny and crowley agenda)

8- BILL DENBROUGH

he’s pissed and sad and offended and grumpy and confused he just feels a LOT of shit at the same time like he’s having a full breakdown inside but from the outside his reaction is pretty much ‘what. oh. ok’

9- LORD ASRIEL

he does not, and mark my words on this one, give a single fuck. he IS what kaz pretends to be and what ketterdam thinks he is. asriel does not give a FLYING FUCK he’s like ‘well ok then see you around i guess’ and then just moves on. he was probably cheating on his partner anyway if we’re being honest here, he’s just that terrible. god why is he my favorite character again- oh right he’s insanely hot and wants to murder god right right that tracks

10- FOX MULDER

he’s extremely sweet and compassionate and understanding but then he disappears for like five months to chase down an alien in guatemala or some shit and then comes back pretending as if nothing happened at all

11- CLARKE GRIFFIN

she’s NOT happy about it and gets all grumpy and pouty and will angrily rant about it to her friends for ages but then once she’s over it she’s like. OVER over it. she completely moves on, like full on flip the switch and the feelings are GONE

12- ROSE TYLER

full breakdown in her room with tubs and tubs of ice cream wondering what she did wrong and then probably gets offered by a friend to go throw eggs at their house or some dumb shit. rose says no but she ALMOST did it. she keeps asking if there’s someone else even when it’s very clear that there’s NOT.

13- KAZ BREKKER

allow me to introduce you to the pettiest bitch on EARTH. he will definitely not hurt his ex in any way but he’ll do his absolute best to show them how much they’re missing. like he’s PETTY about it he’ll hold a gruge months, no year, no DECADES after it happened. he shows absolutely no emotions whatsoever you’d barely notice there’s been any change in his behavior, he’s not, like, sad or angry or anything, he’s just suddenly VERY devoted to the fact that everyone must know how AMAZING he’s doing and how rich and powerful and feared he is and how much a hypothetical ex-partner is missing. like this bitch probably has a full twenty pages long plan about what to do in case he gets dumped so that his ex will regret it terribly. and the worst is that kaz is a smart bitch who knows people’s weaknesses and how to exploit them so it WORKS it works and he absolutely loves it, jesper is like ‘dude how come every single time you got dumped they came back asking you to get back together only for you to reject them EXACTLY five months later’ and kaz hiding the twenty pages long binder with his elaborated plan behind his back as if it wasn’t carefully calculated and just shrugging like ‘idk i guess im a catch’ he makes everyone SO angry and honestly good for him!

14- BARRY BERKMAN

two words: murder spree. healthy coping mechanisms WHO we don’t know her in this house he’s sad and angry and he’s going to make it YOUR problem. guns out angry bill hader face ON baby. pew pew motherfucker it’s murder time. bam thirty casualties. rip to them. and he doesn’t even feel better after it either he’s crushed by guilt and having ANOTHER breakdown which will result in MORE ptsd and more sadness and anger and eventually ANOTHER breakdown and ANOTHER murder spree. its a lose-lose situation for everyone. except for his partner who’s free of his shit now i guess so true of them

#hermy posts #ranking my favorite characters about random shit

[serialreblogger]

You want to talk more about the bigotry in Harry Potter? Go ahead! I've actually heard stuff like that before, but have yet to do much research on it personally and it's been a while since I read it, so I'm interested.

WELL

Before we begin I should start with a disclaimer: this analysis will be dedicated to examining as many bigoted aspects of Harry Potter’s writing as I can think of, so--while I personally am more or less comfortable balancing critical evaluation with enjoyment of a piece, and strongly advocate developing your own abilities to do the same--I know not everyone is comfortable reading/enjoying a story once they realize its flaws, and again, while I think it’s very important to acknowledge the flaws in culturally impactful stories like Harry Potter, I also know for some people the series is really really important for personal reasons and whatnot. 

So! If you’re one of those people, and you have trouble balancing critical engagement with enjoyment, please feel free to skip this analysis (at least for the time being). Self-care is important, and it’s okay to find your own balance between educating yourself and protecting yourself.

On another note, this is gonna be limited strictly to morally squicky things to do with Rowling’s writing and the narrative itself. Bad stuff characters do won’t be talked about unless it’s affirmed by the narrative (held up as morally justified), and plot holes, unrealistic social structures, etc. will not be addressed (it is, after all, a kid’s series, especially in the first few books. Quidditch doesn’t have to make sense). This is strictly about how Rowling’s personal biases and bigotry impacted the story and writing of Harry Potter.

Sketch Thing #1: Quirrell! I don’t see a lot of people talking about Quirrell and racism, but I feel like it’s a definite thing? Quirinus Quirrell is a white man who wears a turban, gifted to him by an “African prince” (what country? where? I couldn’t find a plausible specific when I was researching it for a fic. If there’s a country which has current/recent royalty that might benevolently interact with someone, and also a current/recent culture where turbans of the appropriate style are common, I couldn’t find it). Of course, it wasn’t actually given to him by an African prince in canon, but it’s still an unfortunate explanation.

More importantly, ALL the latent Islamophobia/xenophobia in the significance of the turban. Like, look at it.

“Man wears turban, smells like weird spices, turns out to be concealing an evil second face under the turban” really sounds like something A Bit Not Good, you know? If you wanted to stoke the flames of fear about foreignness, it would be hard to do it better than to tell children about a strange man who’s hiding something horrible underneath a turban.

Also, Quirrell’s stutter being faked to make you think he was trustworthy is a very ableist trope, and an unfortunately common one. “Disability isn’t actually real, just a trick to make you accommodate and trust them” is not a great message, and it’s delivered way too often by mass media. (Check out season 1 of the Flash for another popular example.)

Sketch Thing #2: The goblins. Much more commonly talked about, in my experience, which is good! The more awareness we have about the messages we’re getting from our popular media, the better, in my view. 

For those who haven’t encountered this bit of analysis before: the goblins in Harry Potter reek of antisemitic stereotypes. Large ears, small eyes, crooked noses, green/gray skin, lust for money, control of the banks, and a resentful desire to overthrow the Good British Government? Very reminiscent of wwii propaganda posters, and in general the hateful rhetoric directed towards Jewish people by other European groups from time immemorial. 

I’m also extremely uncomfortable with how goblin culture is handled by Rowling in general. Like, the goblins were a people that were capable of using magic, but prohibited by the British government from owning wands. That was never addressed. They also had a different culture around ownership, which is why Griphook claimed that the sword of Gryffindor belonged rightfully to the goblins--a gift isn’t passed down to descendants upon death, but instead reverts to the maker. This cultural miscommunication is glossed over, despite the fact that it sounds like Griphook’s voicing a very real, legitimate grievance.

To be honest, apart from the antisemitism, the way Goblin culture is treated by the narrative in Harry Potter is very uncomfortably reminiscent to me of how First Nations were treated by English settlers in North America, before the genocide really got started. The Goblins even have a history of “rebellions,” which both raises the question of why another species is ruling them to begin with, and more significantly, is eerily reminiscent of the Red River Rebellion in Canada (which, for the record, wasn’t actually a rebellion--it was Metis people fighting against the Canadian government when it tried to claim the land that legally, rightfully belonged to the Metis. But that’s another story)

In sum: I Don’t Like the implications of how Rowling treats the goblins.

Sketch Thing #3: Muggles. Ok because we’re all “muggles” (presumably) and because I’m white, talking about this might rapidly degenerate into thinly-veiled “reverse racism” discourse, so please y’all correct me if I stray into that kind of colossal stupidity. However, I am not comfortable with the way non-magical humans are treated by Rowling’s narrative.

The whole premise of Harry Potter is that Evil Wizards Want To Hurt The Muggles, right? Except that it’s not. Voldemort’s goal is to subjugate the inferior humans, rule over non-magical people as the rightful overlords, but that’s hardly mentioned by the narrative. Instead, it focuses on the (also egregious and uncomfortably metaphorical) “blood purism” of wizarding culture, and how wizards would be persecuted for their heritage.

But muggles, actual muggles, are arguably the ones who stand to lose the most to Voldemort, and they’re never notified of their danger. We, the muggles reading it, don’t even really register that we’re the collateral damage in this narrative. Because throughout the series, muggles are set up as laughingstocks. Even the kindest, most muggle-friendly wizards are more obsessed with non-magical people as a curiosity than actually able to relate to them as people. 

I dunno, friends, I’m just uncomfortable with the level of dehumanization that’s assigned to non-magical humans. (Like, there’s not even a non-offensive term for them in canon. There’s “muggle,” which is humorously indulgent at best and actively insulting at worst, and there’s “squib,” which is literally the word for a firework that fails to spark.) It’s not like “muggles” are actually a real people group that can be oppressed, and like I said this kind of analysis sounds a bit like the whining of “reverse racism” advocates where the powerful majority complains about being insulted, but... it kind of also reeks of ableism. People that are not able to do a certain cool, useful thing (use magic) are inherently inferior, funny at best and disposable at worst. They suffer and die every day from things that can easily be cured with magic, but magic-users don’t bother to help them, and even when they’re actively attacked the tragedy of hundreds dying is barely mourned by the narrative. 

It gives me bad vibes. I don’t Love It. It sounds uncomfortably like Rowling’s saying “people that are unable to access this common skill are inherently inferior,” and that really does sound like ableism to me. 

Either way, there’s something icky about consigning an entire group of people to the role of “funny clumsy stupid,” regardless of any real-world connections there may or may not be to that people group. Don’t teach children that a single genetic characteristic can impact someone’s personhood, or make them inherently less worthy of being taken seriously. Just, like... don’t do that.

Sketch Thing #4: The house elves. Everyone knows about the house elves, I think. The implications of “they’re slaves but they like it” and the only person who sees it as an issue having her campaign turned into a joke by the narrative (“S.P.E.W.”? Really? It might as well stand for “Stupidly Pleading for Expendable Workers”) are pretty clear.

Sketch Thing #5: Azkaban. Are we gonna talk about how wizarding prison involves literal psychological torture, to the point where prisoners (who are at least sometimes there wrongly, hence the plot of book 3) almost universally go “insane”? This is sort of touched on by the narrative--“dementors are bad and we shouldn’t be using them” was a strongly delivered message, but it was less “because torturing people, even bad people, is not a great policy” and more “because dementors are by their natures monstrous and impossible to fully control.” 

“This humanoid species is monstrous and impossible to control” is, once again, a very concerning message to deliver, and it doesn’t actually address the real issue of “prison torture is bad, actually.” Please, let’s not normalize the idea that prison is inherently horrific. Of course, prison as it exists in North America and Britain is, indeed, inherently horrific and often involves torture (solitary confinement, anyone?), but like--that’s a bad thing, y’all, it’s deeply dysfunctional and fundamentally unjust. Don’t normalize it.

Sketch Thing #6: Werewolves. Because Rowling explicitly stated that lycanthropy in her series is a metaphor for “blood-borne diseases like HIV/AIDS”. The linked article says it better than I could:

Rowling lumps HIV and AIDS in with other blood-borne illnesses, which ignores their uniquely devastating history. And Lupin’s story is by no stretch a thorough or helpful examination of the illness. Nor is its translation as an allegory easily understood, beyond the serious stigma that Rowling mentioned.

That Lupin is a danger to others could not more clearly support an attitude of justifiable fear toward him, one that is an abject disservice to those actually struggling with a disease that does not make them feral with rage.

This definitely ties into homophobia, given how deeply the queer community has been affected by HIV/AIDS. Saying a character with a condition that makes him an active threat to those around him is “a metaphor for AIDS” is deeply, deeply distressing, both for its implications about queer people and their safety for the general population, and for the way it specifically perpetuates the false belief that having HIV/AIDS makes a person dangerous.

Sketch Thing #7: Blood Ties. This isn’t, like, inherently sketch, but (especially for those of us with complicated relationships to our birth families) it can rub a lot of people the wrong way. Rowling talks a big talk about the folly of “blood purism,” but she also upholds the idea that blood and blood relations are magically significant. 

Personally, I’m very uncomfortable with the fact that Harry was left with an abusive family for his entire childhood, and it was justified because they were his “blood relatives.” I’ve had this argument with ultra-conservative family friends who genuinely believe it’s a parent’s right to abuse their child, and while I don’t think that’s what Rowling is saying, I do feel uncomfortable with the degree of importance she places on blood family. I’m uncomfortable with the narrative’s confirmation that it is acceptable (even necessary) to compromise on boundaries and allow the continuation of abuse because “it’s better for a child to be raised by their Real Family” than it is to risk them to the care of an unrelated parent.

Genetic relations aren’t half as important as Rowling tells us. For people with a bad birth family, this can be a damaging message to internalize, so I’ll reiterate: it’s a pretty thought, the love in blood, but it’s ultimately false. The family you build is more real, more powerful and more valid than any family you were assigned to by an accident of genes.

I can think of one or two more things, but they’re all a lot more debatable than what I have here--as it is, you might not agree with everything I’ve said. That’s cool! I’m certainly not trying to start a fight. We all have the right to read and interpret things for ourselves, and to disagree with each other. And again, I’m not trying to ruin Harry Potter. It’s honestly, as a series, not worse in terms of latent bigotry than most other books of its time, and better than many. It’s just more popular, with a much bigger impact and many more people analyzing it. I do think it’s important to critically evaluate the media that shapes one’s culture, and to acknowledge its shortcomings (and the ways it can be genuinely harmful to people, especially when it’s as culturally powerful as Harry Potter). But that doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t enjoy it for what it was meant to be: a fun, creative, engaging story, with amazing characters, complex plots, heroism and inspiration for more than one generation of people. 

Enjoy Harry Potter. It is, in my opinion, a good series, worth reading and re-reading for enjoyment, even for nourishment. It’s also flawed. These things can both be true.

#harry potter #linden writes an essay #long post #THANK YOU for the ask lunar i am SO HAPPY to write all this #i do hope i didn't offend anyone though #please let me know if i've been unintentionally racist y'all i'm white as rice and very willing to learn and grow #also i think it's possible i missed mentioning something glaring because like. harry potter is good but jk rowling is... not #but i think i got most of my thoughts down #harry potter meta #racism #homophobia #bigotry #ask linden #jk rowling

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HI FRIEND, FOR THE CP: (such a cute idea btw!!!) let me see if i get this right...i cut it short but i have curly hair, dark dark brown but with some really cool natural blonde highlights. i have bluish-silver eyes and i think nice lips, and am around 5'7" (174 cm i think?). i am a WRITER to the core, super creative, ideas hit me 24/7. i really love history and would love to visit ruins someday. movie junkie. i'm sarcastic but like to think to think i'm also funny! I'LL BE 🐄 I HAVE ONE MORE 😫

OKAY ITS 🐄 AGAIN. as i said i really love making people laugh and writing poetry for people. i'm very selfless but often to a major fault lol, not very good at taking care of myself a lot. self esteem? DON'T KNOW HER. but hey, i kinda enjoy cooking, and i really love reading!! (IS THIS OVERSHARING) since we only have jojo in common my top 3 are risotto🖤, DIO⚰ and Jonathan🗡 :^) thank you AGAIN an i hope you have an absolutely wonderful day my dood

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Cupid’s Pick for your match made in heaven is...

...Jonathan!

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I'm very selfless but often to a major fault lol. Not very good at taking care of myself a lot. Self-esteem? DON'T KNOW HER.

The MAIN reason I chose Jonathan was because of this. Jonathan’s a whole gentleman (I mean he basically strived to be one). Kind and sweet and positive and has a heart bigger than both his boobs and ass cheeks combined. He would be the best match up for you because his affirmations and positive attitude and sweetness would be like to honey to your tea, the sugar to your coffee, the whipped cream to your strawberry. He’s the best (out of the characters you’ve given me) in reassuring you. And because of his personality and disposition, you’d be well taken care of (physically especially). Your self-esteem would also flourish because there’s no doubt that he loves you and only you (romantically), and he’d remind and show you for as long as he’s with you. He’d also appreciate your selflessness the most because he’s always out there being selfless, so having it be done to him is just a big uwu for him. I feel like that’s how he shows his devotion and love, and so your selflessness is just top notch in catching his heart. But when you take it too far, he will reign you back in. He may scold you, but you’ll know it’s because he means well and he doesn’t want to see you hurt or exhausted. He’s sincere in that sense, and because of that, you know he means it when he tells you he loves you, when he calls you beautiful, when he says you own his heart and soul because you actually do. In the long-term, I see his personality just helping you improve your self-esteem and self-care and selflessness naturally.

While I was tempted to match you up with Risotto, Jonathan ultimately won out because I do not see him (Ris) doing as well with this aspect of yours (compared to big boy Jonathan).  He can translate your selflessness to either being a pushover (when you bend yourself backwards for others, and he’s disapproving of that because he believes you should respect yourself more and may even take you under his wing instead of his bedsheets lol) OR he can interpret this as either your loyalty to him (when you bend yourself backwards for him). With the latter, he may end up taking advantage of it sometimes. This is because I believe he’s so used to having things taken away from him or not having enough of something, so he may subconsciously demand more of you in some manifestation of greed. So you’d end up giving more, he’d end up taking more, and it’s just not a good balance. ESPECIALLY if you say you’re not good at taking care of yourself. I’m not saying he won’t take care of you if you two are dating, but I also think he needs someone who can essentially function well without him (since he’s so busy and has a lot on his plate and can’t always be there for you; I’m not saying you’re a burden bc you’re not, I’m just saying Ris has a lot going on and he doesn’t want to be the reason for your decline in health and mental state if y’all were dating bc he wasn’t there and he will beat himself up over it).

The biggest reason I didn’t pair you up with DIO specifically is because I feel like he would 1000000000000000000000% take advantage of this. He’s not above that and he most likely will not feel remorse for that. Hell, he would 100% enjoy utilizing your disposition to his advantage, and in the long-term (hell, even in short-term), that’s not good for you and your health at all. As shown countless times before, he relishes in power and does not enjoy it when people are of equal or higher standing than him. And because of that, I feel like he would not hesitate to use your low self-esteem and selflessness to further his ego and complex. DIO’s also surrounded by gorgeous people every day, and he wouldn’t bat an eyelash if you were to voice your insecurities to him. Although, he may end up also using sweet reassuring words to you just so you fall under his spell harder (which means it would be easier to manipulate u and ur selflessness) OR he may exploit it and make you feel more insecure but also manipulate you to be more mindlessly devoted to him (it’s easier to use that forehead bug thing but that’s removable). All in all, it would just breed an extremely dependent and toxic relationship between the 2 of you because you would never be his equal, even in a relationship with him. He’s not the antagonist for nothing lol (I’m well aware of his past and the implications/effects it has, but we’ve all seen how he has acted throughout his life and his thought process). 0/10 recommend.

I am a WRITER to the core, super creative, ideas hit me 24/7.

Jonathan would be supportive all around and would love to help you in any way he could. He’d want to read everything you produce too! Overall, extremely proud of your creativity and if you publish a book, he will throw a party, make Speedwagon buy a copy too, and cherishes the first copy you give him.

Risotto would gift you things to help you with this, like books, stationaries, & etc. Would help you out with proofreading and editing too if he has the time. He’s supportive like that and he’s attracted to how you’re so creative and can draw inspiration at all times.

DIO thinks your creativity is admirable. He would also love to read what you write, but is very critical. He’s read so many books, and while preference is subjective, he knows what good writing is (based on genre, style, & etc.). So if it’s not good, you’ll know why from A to Z. And if you get disheartened by him, he will look down on you and call your passion weak.

I really love history and would love to visit ruins someday.

Jonathan seems like he likes travelling in general, so he would love to visit with you too! Might not be super into history, but well, anything will interest this big puppy if you tell him passionately enough.

Risotto looks like he doesn’t mind? Not super interested, not super disinterested either, but will travel with you if he’s able to free up his schedule.

DIO can only go at night, but he looks like he enjoys history and ruins.

Movie junkie.

Jonathan and you would set up a weekly movie night date thing, and he’ll let you pick whenever because he just loves to spend time with youwu. He has some favourites, but if the movie doesn’t interest him, he’ll still sit through it but his attention would be on cuddling you.

Risotto? Kinda depends on the genre? But he looks like the kind to not have enough time to be a movie lover or sit through one for you, so not the best match.

DIO prefers books so he won’t indulge in this love of yours, but if it’s an adaptation from a book he would watch it. But he’ll be a raging bitch if doesn’t match up to the books. Honestly, if he’s uninterested, he won’t be watching it.

I’m sarcastic but like to think to think I’m also funny!

I see Jonathan as someone who enjoys it when his partner can quip back, so while he may not find sarcasm funny most of the time (when aimed at him), he does find it attractive. If you’re sarcastic to the people who give him a hard time, he would kiss you passionately afterwards and who knows… you might even get dicked down after oho. If you’re sarcastic to the people he cares about, he won’t mind if no one’s feelings are hurt.

DIO won’t tolerate being disrespected in any form, even if it’s a joke. I just can’t see him allowing that with that God complex of his lol, but he does find it amusing when you’re sarcastic to other people.

Risotto loves sarcasm, but he has an image to keep. So as long as you don’t undermine or disrespect him (you have to have a 6th sense with the boundaries), he’s more than happy to sass you back or chuckle at it.

I really love making people laugh.

Jonathan and Risotto appreciates this the most. Finds it lovely. Jonathan especially because he finds it so sweet that you want to bring laughter to others. Risotto enjoys a partner who would love to bring more joy into his life. But I see the shit Risotto laughs at as dry or dark or when its real stupid or boomer/dad-like, anything else he’s a little like ‘ok’. Jonathan appreciates the effort alone and would tease you a little if it’s a really bad joke (all in good nature of course).

DIO…he laughs mostly at other people’s demise or stupidity or cluelessness. That’s all I’m gonna say.

I really love writing poetry for people.

Jonathan would SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOON SO hard. He would show it off to Speedwagon and then keep it tucked somewhere safe so he can read it whenever he wants to.

God he’s just so in love with you and he thinks it’s just so romantic of you. He absolutely loves it. Hell, even if it’s not for him, he’s so proud and awestruck because poetry is hard and he’s just so proud whenever he brags about this skill/hobby of yours. He also thinks it’s so sweet of you to write poetry for others and love doing it. Man just has heart eyes all around and I can’t blame him.

DIO would be smug about it for all the same reasons but in a more…condescending way? Like ‘HA. Do you peasants see that? Their talent? You could never lmao’. But would get pissy if you write for others more than you write for him because he should be your #1.

Risotto would say thank you and give you a kiss. Outwardly he won’t show as much (unless you look hard enough and notice the way his eyes soften more, like the way he would smile too, and his cheeks might even have a touch of pink), but he will forever treasure the poem. He also keeps his favorite on him all the time, like a little good luck charm. He doesn’t brag about your talent, but he’ll proudly agree if someone brings it up. Of course, you wouldn’t know all this though (unless you accidentally find out).

I kinda enjoy cooking.

Johnathan has a refined palate because of his upbringing, but he also looks like he’d eat whatever you cook solely because you made it just for him. He’s a gentleman and a sap with a big heart, if he doesn’t like it, he’ll eat it. He might tell you what can be tweaked, but never in a way that makes you feel bad or inadequate. He also looks like he can’t cook for shit lmao, so teach him!! He’s always down to do anything if it means spending time with the love of his life uwu

Risotto and DIO would tell you straight up if they don’t like what you’ve made. The difference is, DIO (if he ain’t a vampire yet) wouldn’t even touch it (anymore after the first bite) lmao, Risotto too but he’d end up cooking with you to teach you how to improve the dish. Of course, he doesn’t do it to shit on you. He appreciates the sentiment, but he’s not going to subject himself to something he doesn’t enjoy if he can help it. Also would turn it into a cooking date with you. DIO would just take over the kitchen and make you watch LOL

I really love reading!!

DIO too! I see Risotto enjoying it as well, but not as much and probably prefers music related hobbies. As for Jonathan, he doesn’t mind it? He’s not the biggest fan of it, but if you read it to him, he’d happily perch his head on your lap and listen to you like an audio book sent from the heavens (but somewhere along the way he will fall asleep KSKSKSK)

DIO would engage in conversations with you on the books (also thoroughly enjoys if you can keep it interesting), Risotto would if he knew the book (but would then just listen and ask questions if he didn’t), Jonathan is just happy to have your attention on him, but would read the book and talk about it with you if you want that.

Your physical appearance description.

Jonathan would just love to play with and admire your hair 24/7, and if his attention isn’t on your hair, then it’d be on your lips. Kissing, brushing his tongue or fingers or **** against your lips, just absolutely loving the shape and feel of it.

And because you’re also tall(-er than average?), kisses are SO much more easier to access and that’s such a plus uwu. I mean regardless of height, he can always just lift you, but he also doesn’t have to bend too far when plopping his head on the crown of ur head too. And if u wear heels or shoes that give u extra height? Power couple goals😩🤘🏼💫

#jonathan joestar #jjba #jojo #jojo’s bizarre adventure #cupids_pick