#IM SURE I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS BUT ITS 5AM SO IDK

[seaquestions]

i have like. aimlessly monologued so much abt dark souls just pacing around my apartment. its 5am and i just cant shut up about it. LIKE. i knooowww that people have been going on about it for like eleven years now and im sure none of these thoughts are original but i wanna ramble!!! ramblings under readmore!!!!

this game is good man, its so good. the tone and atmosphere most of all. i think cos its y’know its melancholic and quiet and lonely but it’s also so whimsical and funny and silly. i find a man in the sewers trapped in a pickling jar and roll into it to get him out. when i talk to him later i find that he’s this really genuine, kind-hearted guy. i roll into this fortress full of death traps and a snake man turns to look at me and then suddenly a boulder comes outta nowhere to run over him and it’s like i’m in a goddamn looney toon. the colour palettes of the environments is quite colourful actually, it’s within a certain range of tones but it’s not like it’s a depressing game to look at. it’s not that bleak. it’s not grimdark, it’s not edgy. it’s fun!

like, really. it’s such a fun game! i already knew i was gonna love the world of dark souls, the environments and the npcs, i just needed the gameplay to be something i can work with. and it is, and even more than that, it clicked with me. somehow i didn’t expect the combat in dark souls to be so fun, but like, that’s a big draw of the game. it’s very fun to fight in dark souls. there’s something to it that just feels really good. i think the enemy placement factors into the rhythm of combat quite a fair bit actually, and it’s typically well done. and i think another thing that’s great is how much control you have over the pace of combat. there’s a push and pull with the game as it throws challenges at you and tests your limits of course but you get to dictate quite a fair bit about the way you face these challenges.

something i enjoyed the most i think is like, not even within the game. so like after fighting the taurus demon and the gaping dragon for the first few times and dying, i ended my gaming session and like. couldnt stop thinking abt the fight and ended up thinking about what to do next time i fought them. which ik is nothing but i’m a really simple guy okay, i don’t strategise usually. but i wanted to beat them and move on to the next parts of the game, and so it made me think about the tools that were at my disposal that the game gave me and like - i think that’s great! successful game design bit. idk, it’s prolly not that big of a deal but it felt really good when i went back to the gaping dragon with A Plan, and executed on it flawlessly.

man.. ive just been having a lot of fun that i kinda didn’t ever expect to have. im feeling like i fell in love. like i thought it’d be impossible for me so i never played it but it turned out to be such an enjoyable experience so far. i dont even care if like…. i come across and bit thats too hard and i might give up forever i still had a lot of fun and it was worth it but i believe in myself man!!! i wanna finish this game forreal and that means a lot coming from a guy who like never finishes anything ever. ima just keep on trucking babey. if you die seven times and get up eight it’s not a matter of life and death its about your will and the barriers in front of you and whichever one will break first or uhhhh however that line from that vaatividya video goes. and like it’s not for everybody (there’s uhhh no map. i thankfully am good with creating mental maps but if you are not this game will be a much less fun time) but idk man……….ultimate game of all time is fuckin right actually…………. anyway………. im a changed man now……..gootbye……

#incoherent turtle noises #long post #sorry im having emotions about a video game and i will surely have even more emotions as i go along. #DSposting

[jake-g-lockley]

Ok so this is like super random but yeah I thought I'll tell you anyways... (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

I have trouble sleeping most nights which causes me to stay awake a lot of the night and sometimes the whole night even, so a few days ago I was up at like 4 or 5am I started re-reading The Light Of My Knight.

And oh my god i don't even know what happened. Like usually I feel pretty dead inside after not sleeping all night but after spending all night reading that I actually felt amazing, like I got out of bed so happy that my friends that day thought I was genuinely high on something. (I feel like the fact that it's a desi reader helped cuz I'm desi idk)

So yeah thank you so much for the amazing work and for making my day amazing. 💖💖💖💖💖💖

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Sorry for such a long paragraph I gotta stop rambling 😭😭😭

OMGGGGG NOOO THIS IS SERIOUSLY THE BIGGEST COMPLIMENT I COULD EVER GET 😭

Seriously, I started this writing thing again (i used to write on wattpad lollll) because I just love the idea of taking all my jumbled up thoughts and just spewing it out of my brain so that my brain can relax HAHAHA 🥹 Its just therapeutic you know? But then when I started writing for specific people I was so surprised at how easy it was to be more happy. I mean sure now we have a lot of rep but AHHH I just wanted to make it a little more special, mainly cuz I love my moon boys so much. Sometimes I come up with an idea and Im kicking my legs and squealing cuz if something like that were to happen to me i might die.

Man your ask just reminded me to try and finish the next chapter I have for The Light of My Knight. Its my baby and I’m lowkey ashamed for abandoning it 🥲

NO THANK YOU for your amazing support, its just been so overwhelming and it does drive me to write a little more :”DDD and noooo you’re not rambling, im the one whose probably rambling rn cuz sometimes idk how to take a compliment and im just like:

#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS AMAZING MESSAGE 😭😭 #and thank you for your support and love 🥹❤️ #jakeglockley asks

[hhawkeye]

would love to hear more abt your trans hawkeye thots if you’re in the mood to share...

OH BOY AM I im always in the mood to share trans hawkeye thoughts lmao ok SO. so.

he was born in like the 20s? in smalltown maine and his dad is The town doctor so. it would probably have been easy(ish) for daniel to change hawkeyes records?

testosterone injections were first used in the 30s in europe and i mean. it probably involves a little hand waving but i dont think its completely out of the bounds of possibility to be like. well hawkeye got it. like he stays up to date on medicine! his dad’s a doctor! a doctor who probably, when hawkeye came out, started to gain a vested interest in this and was keeping an eye out specifically for anything that would help his kid! in the same vein, the first known top surgery was performed around the same time (again in europe) and again while handwaving is needed i dont think it would be that far fetched for hawkeye to know someone who knows someone who was willing to do him a favour, esp if he himself is a doctor by this point?

(medical info mainly from this dude’s life: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Dillon who was one of if not the first trans man to go through all this medical stuff, i haven’t read too much about him yet but i do want to read his book)

ANYWAY. so anyway this being established, that he was able to get his legal records changed and could have been on testosterone and had top surgery and possibly bottom surgery (although that interferes with my evil fucked up au so in my world he does not get bottom surgery. hawkeye pussy indulgence) hes like living his best life yknow whatever THENNNNN he gets drafted :( and its like. im pretty sure you have to have a physical before ur allowed in the army but they Needed doctors and i mean, fucking look at hawkeye he’s basically pre-serum steve rogers theres no way he’d pass a physical even if he was cis so i think they were just like youre in :) and he has this like. extremely horrible realisation that he could so easily get out of this if he just Told them he was trans. but also it would ruin his life completely. so he’s stuck between ruining his life by going to korea or ruining his life by not being A Man anymore. haha. fun

anyway he ends up in korea and i think everything there is the same except he doesnt shower with other people i guess. and ok Canonically he is “very thorough” when he sleeps w nurses so i can def see that as like, yknow, he gives the women what they want and maybe he has a strap on i guess but maybe not. who knows.

ANYWAY. ALL THAT BEING SAID here are some fun trans hawkeye things :)

hawkeye has been his nickname even before he came out, and that has always been his Name. one time when hes still figuring shit out he asks his dad what he’d have been called if he was Born A Boy and his dad says benjamin franklin as a joke and hawkeyes like. well alright then. and then later when he comes out and his dad says he’ll change his paperwork etc hawkeyes like ok my names benjamin franklin now :) and daniels like. what the fuck is wrong with you.

his mom died before he came out :( sad. he has a lot of weird complicated dead parent feelings about it but daniel assures him she would have accepted him and been proud of him no matter what

sometimes when he and margaret have arguments about 1. misogyny and 2. being who everyone expects you to be, not being able to be anyone except your authentically true self, etc, hawkeye desperately wants to Tell Her but he knows he cant because hello. but i think eventually he does tell her? and also she is a little 😨 about it, not because she doesnt accept him (though i think it would take a while bc hello. the fifties) but because she Understands in a way that she absolutely does not want to examine

oh he cant get testosterone in korea and thats a whole ass thing. evil hormones </3

evil fucked up au takes place in the trans hawkeye cinematic universe and it is bad but also very good

ummmmmmm what else. idk. i think a lot of the uh less great moments of misogyny and skirt chasing etc are genuine but i also think he plays them up a little just because well. it keeps people from asking too many questions yknow.

i think possibly post war he keeps up with the latest in trans medicine and does develop a reputation for being the doctor you go to who either can provide you with the meds you need or knows someone who will do so but i think he would be extremely careful about it since obviously he has more to risk by doing that than cis doctors would? but also he Gets It and will do what he can to help people (UNRELATED but i def think he provides Illegal abortions for ppl like. come on. he has to right.)

#IM SURE I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS BUT ITS 5AM SO IDK

[straighttohellbuddy]

midas {Ghostbur}

Summary: Two ghosts find each other. Death has made them gentle.

Need to Know: They/Them. based on the headcanon that ghostbur's touch stains things blue, but that you can only see it when you are a ghost, or have been revived.

A/N: 3286 words. lol probably ooc its 5am i have work in 5 hours and this is very unedited AND written on my phone lets go. thoughts? idk. also because im wanky i want to point out now that it bookends. the deadly sin of wrath is most often put against the heavenly virtue of patience. have fun. i don't think i know enough about the actual lmanberg arc to have written this but oh well. again, thoughts?

{ masterlist : 1 / 3 }

Warnings: reader-death (non graphic), implied mild suicidal ideation, self-doubt

Loyal to fatality, your deadly sin was wrath.

You lived and died for the birth of a nation, fighting for its independence, fighting for its citizens, dressing up your love as patriotism to hide the truth. The truth, the overwhelming truth, was that this ragtag bunch of rebels were the first people with whom you truly felt understood.

Everyone would look back on your choices, on your life, and wonder what had inspired your sudden vitriolic devotion to a cause like L'manburg of all things. Stuck with self imposed blinders, all you'd wanted was that warmth of belonging, that approval, their respect.

Your people won your land's independence, lead by a diplomat, but you never had the same way with words, the same grace; you'd earned your place in this nation through displays of force, of gnashing teeth and brute force. This war had taken lives from you; you didn't know how earn your place in this new world of peace.

But they smiled at you, mirrors of warmth and understanding among them, assuring you that if you wanted your place to be defending this nation, then no-one would take that from you.

But they told you to rest, to pick your battles carefully; with stubbornness you ignore the genuine concern in their voices, can only twist it to some kind of question of your capabilities.

"I - we - L'manburg is better with you in it," Wilbur tells you as he checks over what you're pretty sure is a broken nose over another petty fight with another party's supporter.

"I don't want them to think that they can speak about you... or L'manburg," you add quickly, "like that."

"Don't die defending my honour," he says it like its half a joke, lips twisted into something you think is adoration in the right light, though you don't want to get your hopes up. You huff a faint laugh, and hope he doesn't notice how you don't make any promises.

Loyal to fatality, you lost your last life in service of the walls you'd already perished protecting, and the man whose words inspired them. And you. You'd picked the wrong time to be incensed by someone badmouthing your land, and the people set to lead it, if all went as planned with the election. The election, already tensions had been running high, your nerves alight with something jealously protective at the idea that anyone would even dare to usurp the nation you'd help build from its rightful leader.

So maybe you'd been looking for a fight.

And maybe you'd picked the wrong one.

Something is decidedly not right when you wake up in the land of the living once more. You have awoken with a new clarity. Every memory you have is stained with a strange sense of detachment as you realise that the land you fought for was never the thing you cherished.

But you hadn't thought to tell anyone that, so scared that it would be perceived as weakness, that putting their individual lives above the nation you'd so loudly defended would be some kind of treason. Your memories don't feel like yours; looking back, all you feel is regret.

More than just your physical form had died that day.

You've changed in ways you can barely comprehend.

Time has passed, the election that had sent you spiralling, terrified of being robbed of your sense of belonging, your place in the world, if your friends did not pull through to victory, was now only days away. But the part that you'd missed for your blinders was that you weren't the only one spiralling because of this all.

But how can you face them again?

How can you find the words to tell them you finally died for a nation you no longer care about?

How can you tell them that all the fighting you did was to protect them, that it's the only way you knew to say I love you?

But you realise you can't. You become a spector on the horizon watching the big moments in your nation's history, watching the people you care about lose elections, spiral into their own guilt and rage as they lose their home to its new leader. You can't say that it never mattered, that you shouldn't have made them think it did to you, since the companionship was the real thing you'd been fighting for. It's not the time.

Even at a distance, something about the man who'd started your nation is clearly falling apart. Part of you aches in a way you can't put into words, heart cold and still in your only vaguely corporeal chest, but somehow still breaking as the thing he'd worked so hard for is stripped away.

He can't know you're still here. You'd died for that nation. He can't know you knew it was in vain.

So you fill your time and fill your thoughts with anything but your nation and your people and the love you can't help but hold for them. You watch sunsets, and find out water stings but for some inexplicable reason trying to pick up any weapon burns. Perhaps it's irony. Perhaps it's always burned like this, but you'd liked the pain when you'd justified it to yourself.

The things you can touch, can pick up, can hold, you realise quickly that they turn gold. Terrifying at first, your touch stains gold that you learn that no-one else can seen. Or, at least, no-one has indicated that they can see it. But you can. It shines in torchlight, in moonlight, it's beautiful in its own way.

On quiet nights, you sneak around the nation you'd once loved, reclaiming it, silent and unseen, for the people who deserved it.

You can't see it, but we're still here.

Those words written across buildings, along tunnels underground, you find the room with the button, the room with the national anthem plastered on the walls, and as you find yourself reminiscing on better times and terrible singing, you trace the letters with your fingertips, each one personally guilded. The people were the best parts of those memories, you regret letting them believe you thought any different.

I was never fighting for the nation, your confession written in gold letters only you can read along the wall of the tunnel, I was fighting for its soldiers.

You don't want to be seen, afraid of what people would think if they saw you trying to preserve the legacy of a now-crumbling legion. Each night trip you take to spread your personal graffiti was broken up by days, even weeks of solitary travelling, or watching from afar as the people you cared for prepared to stage a siege for the land they'd called home.

Before, you would have been desperate to join them, chomping at the bit for a fight for your nation, ignoring how all you really wanted was to bring them joy, and that you didn't know how else to do that. Now, however, again your heart aches; so much had already been lost, how much would this siege cost them? How much were they willing to lose?

Everything, everything, everything.

When the dust settles, when your post-mortem throat still somehow stings from your scream of despair, you can see how some of the debris at the bottom of the crater glitters gold. Your gold. You feel ill.

Your land and your leader, gone one right after the other.

Phil sits in the tunnel for a long time, buffeted by the wind from the sudden hole in the rock face where the button room had been. He stays there long enough that when you finally make your way down there, horrified and distraught, he finally sees you. The first person in months. The first person since you'd died.

He doesn't say anything, his expression doesn't change from where it's almost eerily neutral, and then, he's looking back at the wall.

"You're everywhere," his voice is strangely hoarse, but his words are the thing that truly take you back.

"You... can see my words," for a moment, his gaze flicks to you, still without expression, but right now it feels like fucking obviously is written all over his face.

I was never fighting for the nation, in gold, Phil reads it again and again.

"I'm sorry you couldn't see that sooner," Phil says gently, and his eyes fall closed as he leans his head back on the wall behind him, the second half of your message, "we all loved you," he tells you, "and they missed you."

In this moment, the excuses for your absence that you've been working on for just this moment, leave your mind. All that's there is the sound of the wind whistling through the tunnel. And an apology. It's almost lost, stolen by the rushing air, but you see Phil's lips quirk into a faint smile. He'd heard.

Heading past him, to the hole he'd left in the world, Phil calls out that his body won't be there, like he's anticipating your intent. Still, you scale the wall with little care, not that you had anything to lose from the fall.

The rest of the people you care about are safe; their furious and terrified and confused, but they are safe. For now, and for now is enough. Tomorrow you will worry about them, will find them and tell them you love them like you should have months ago, before any of this happened, but tonight you sit in the ruins of the land you'd fought and killed and died for. Not hallowed ground, nor close to holy, this debris is simply dirt and stone and the remnants of what you built it up to be. The echoes of your past golden touch are the only thing proving this place to hold memories too.

The others hug you with a force that overwhelms you, each and every one, and your tears at the compassion they still held for your burns your own eyes, though you don't even care. The surprise comes with how tight they all hold you; the way they tremble you chalk up to the shock of seeing you there, at least until you hear Fundy's unsteady apology murmured from where he'd perched his chin on your shoulder as he'd held you tight.

For all he's glad for your return, he's sorry it can't be to a place you'd be proud of. You tell him you've returned to company you are proud of, company who tried their best despite the odds. Whether or not he believes the decisions be made were right in hindsight, he made the decisions, he didn't run from his responsibilities.

There's gold stains, invisible hand prints, where you'd held his jacket tight in the hug.

"I did my best," he murmurs, tremble still in his voice, "but I can't fight like you."

"And you're alive for it," you point out, stepping back though you're wearing a warm smile, "your best is enough. I'm sorry I haven't told you that sooner."

The look he gives you, the way he regards you, it's quick but you can see a moment of gratefulness. After all he's lost, you endeavour to make sure he knows he's loved, and that he always has been by his family.

But perhaps you'd at least have some help.

"Phil told me you'd been the one painting the town gold, I didn't believe him at first," a familiar voice echoes in a way similar to your own nowadays. There's a smile in that tone but still, you're on your feet and tense; as your hands curl into defensive fists, something about the intent makes them burn unbearably until you open your hands to flat palms, shaking out the pain.

"Are you okay?" Wilbur, concerned this time, asks. Looking away from your hands, and finally up to your fellow spectre, you can't seem to find your voice. Then, slowly, as if he's afraid to spook you, Wilbur steps forward to gently takes your hands; you let him, let him look down at your palms for signs of something wrong and finding nothing. But his fingertips on your skin, even gentle, stain blue, like you stain gold.

"You're everywhere," tone reverential while he's the one haloed by the sun sinking below the sea, he gives you a moment to process his newfound appearance as a gentle ghost.

"I was given a chance to make sure we were remembered," you tell him. He's still holding your hands. Your think you feel the phantom beat of your heart quicken in your chest, and suddenly remember why it was easier to fight wars than look Wilbur in the eye.

As he was capable of words that could inspire the birth of a nation, it felt selfish for you to want him to grace you with what you felt was any kind of unearned praise. So you earned your praise, you earned your place in the nation and by his side, and learned to write I love you with the blood you spilled from others. Here and now, distinctly post-mortem and physically unable to take up any kind of arms, all you had left was yourself. Long dead self-doubt began to flare up in your chest.

"Everyone dies, but I will not let the same happen to our legacy," you're trying to keep your tone earnest and even. The smile is gives you is so fond it hurts. This is not the man you'd watched spiral, at least, not quite. Then, almost without you meaning to, the words spill from you - "every time something is rebuilt from the rubble of the nation we'd built, I will write all our names upon it."

"That's very sweet of you," he says gently, fondly, almost endeared by your seriousness. Something about it makes you feel strangely seen; something about the way he says it sounds like love.

And though he doesn't remember what happened in the end, still doesn't quite believe when people tell him what he did, he sits in the tunnel and gazes up at the words you'd written there.

I was fighting for its soldiers.

Back to the wall, he smiles up at the letters still pristine and golden. Beside him, you still with your eyes closed, unsure of what to make of this moment. He's tracing a pattern on your knee; if you looked down, you'd see a flower stained in blue.

"We knew," he broke the silence with a quiet reassurance, "we worried you'd die for us."

"And then I did," your voice was barely more than a whisper, so shakey with apology and guilt.

"And then you did," he agreed faintly. He stops tracing on your knee. You don't open your eyes.

"I love you, I always have," you tell him, frank but terrified.

"I love you too," he responds after a moment, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before I died."

"I wouldn't have listened," you rest your head on his shoulder.

You learn to confess your fears like sins, begging for forgiveness for your absence and foolishness because of them. The person you'd been before your death had put all their worth into their capabilities; to them, losing the election was losing their nation, and their cause.

Wilbur tells you that that's where things start to go missing in his mind; he doesn't remember your death or his reaction, only that it happened. It's bits and pieces; you wish you'd been closer, been around so you could help him remember now, or at all. Maybe if you'd been there, he wouldn't be a ghost beside you, he just be beside you.

You want to tell him that you saw what he became in your absence, but everyone sees fit to remind him of who that was, so you tell him that you're just glad he came back. And he smiles. It's worth it.

The only thing better is his smile dusted gold as he kisses you quick, and you pull him back in.

"I'm making up for lost time," you tell him; you hope he hears I love you, and not I still wish I'd told you sooner. Both are true, but you can't dwell on the past if you can't fix it. He always obliges you with a smile, though sometimes you catch a faint sadness as he pulls away, a hint of it took us both dying to get here.

Everything he touches is stained blue, regret bleeding from his fingertips, messy and sombre and invisible to everyone but you. But he paints distracted masterpieces on everything he touches, walls and trees and flowers and friends. Hands held and hugs given, he smiles at Tommy and pets his hair and tells him he's a good kid. While Tommy had been wary at first, he'd thankfully warmed up to you both, though the overt fond affection was vaguely unnerving given recent memory.

"So he finally got around to telling you how he feels?" The begrudging tone Tommy was using gave you cause to frown, though the kid just rolled his eyes at that, pausing where he was rifling through Technoblade's chests while the man of the house was out, "we all cared about you, you know? For more than just the fighting you did, but none of us knew how to say it in a way we thought you'd believe," he shuffles over to the next chest, opening it, "old mate Wilbur was bloody lovesick, and the more you threw your support behind him, the worse it got. Vicious cycle. Glad he finally found some courage."

There's a flower stained in blue on his forearm, and despite being washed, the hand prints from where you'd hugged him tight after coming back shine gold on his back. He can't see either. You hope he never will. You thank him for his time, and look for Wilbur.

"I- lovesick is a bit of a - I mean-" he even blushes blue. In the forest you ask him about what Tommy had said, and finally apologise for dying to protect his honour, just like he'd asked you not to. Flustered, like his lips aren't already stained gold, he gets quiet as you step up to him.

For all the worlds he could weave with words, something about you always left him speechless and searching. Back then, all he'd needed was three, but in a way you'd understand. Now, he's grateful for his own silence, grateful to take in the sight of you, the way your features were traced with blue, trails down your arms from his gentle, distracted touches, your hands covered in the colour just as he knew his own all but bled gold for you.

Your hands, now, on his cheeks, were warm. Perhaps not to others, but certainly to him.

Each day you lament your past less and less; living, or existing as the case may be, in the moment did wonders for your poor heart, each day spent assuring the people you'd cared about, and the new people you're growing to care about, that they have your love.

Even Fundy hugs you tightly, but still can't seem to forgive Wilbur, despite the clear reform he's had since death. But there is time. There's always time.

Despite still having a way with words, it's here that Wilbur comes to understand that the right words will evade him of its not the right time. Like with you, despite the circumstances, the right time eventually came.

With you by his side, he would as long as it takes for his son.

Loyal even through fatality, his heavenly virtue was patience.

#ghostbur #ghostbur x reader #ghostbur imagine #wilbur soot #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur x reader #wilbur imagine #wilbur soot imagine #c!wilbur #c!wilbur soot #cyltlanp #shut ur pretty mouth #Spotify

[spinaroos-47]

So, time for the review and analysis of my prediction! Oh boy this will be long i havemore than  two pages on google docs of commentary and reaction

“ Any sport a storm: Willow will be a fucking badass, cant wait to see her shine with her new hairstyle. My dear beloved. Also i cant wait to see what sport is it that she joins, but its probably more complicated than grudgby. Im not sure if the shot of her and her team with the abomination is from this episode or not. 

Hunter will be on Hexside. Idk what could be his mission but i cannot wait for the stupid shenanigans. This episode probably will be really funny. Hopefully Flapjack and Hunter will have cute interactions “

I basically got everything right skfdjsfdj it was a little vague but yknow, i still got it

This really was a really fun episode, and such a rollercoaster of emotions, this is the third episode that made me tear up (and this one was more than one time!). So it goes together with AOAW and echoes of the past on that

This is going to be long so im putting it under a readmore and actually splitting this into two posts because of how many thoughts I have, maybe even three (one will be about lumity c plot to not derail the rest)

Also fun-not-so-fun fact, i ended up waking up at 5am on point becausei was so anxious for this episode, so im running on four hours of not so well rested sleep jsdjsdj. It’s been kinda of a problem honestly, I’ve been getting ridiculously anxious every friday and saturday until i watch the episode 

First of all, I never knew how much I needed Hunter and Willow being friends, this has warmed my heart so much i can’t put it into words (im also dreading the influx of huntlow, my poor romance repulsed heart)

(also someone already pointed this out but i think he’s starting to follow Amity’s advice from eclipse lake!)

I do wish there were more interactions between Hunter and Flapjack, but still, the ones we got were so cute and nice :3

God i missed him so much, the start of the episode was both sweet and so sad. He likes arts and crafts! He was fixing his own cloak! (which is curious since both at the end of hunting palismen and start of eclipse lake he had a pristine cloak. Like, what happened? Also felt like what happens on some of the fanfics I read. That and Hunter receiving a letter from him on his room, which is an interesting coincidence) He’s not the greatest yet but he’s trying! (and his >:3 face)

I don’t like how Belos is now doing tests for Kiki and I supposed the other coven heads too, or at least just Hunter. Nasty fucker, he’s so well written, the scaryness of his character kinda got really highlighted here, on an episode he didn’t even appear, just mentioned. He has such a grip on people, the way he gets people back into the place he wants them to be if they seem to be going out of line, it’s really well written. And very nice to see how even with all this, there’s still some things that slip through the cracks, like what’s been slowly happening to Hunter

Him trying to meet with the coven heads was a very interesting brief moment. It was heartbreaking to see how most of them don’t seem to care or even respect him, almost trampling him. ALSO RAINE LOOKING BACK AT HIM AND HUNTER LOOKING SO SAD AFTER THEY DO THAT. I’M MANIFESTING THEM INTERACTING IN THE SHOW ONE DAY. And they actually seem to be almost the same height, Hunter being a little taller than them (but it’sprobably the heels)

Darius was really good on this episode, which I’ll elaborate more later but like, how he changed his behaviour in the end of the episode? It was really sweet! Makes me think he will actually later on together with Eber and possibly Raine do something against the ec/Belos, like some people have been theorizing, which I’m so down for. It’s interesting how he called Hunter “little prince”, I do kinda like that dfsnjfdjndjn. And it doesn’t seem to really be a secret that he’s Belos’ nephew, just maybe not to most of the public. (another reason for distaste also since it’s nepotism)

This golden guard lore we got really got me thinking. So there were other golden guards, at least one or two before Hunter, and their sigil is the symbol of Gravesfield. This is so interesting but I don’t have many concrete thoughts, I just don’t think (or more accurately, I don’t want to be true) that the other GGs were grimwalkers too. Also I’m pretty engaged on this mentorship stuff going on the emperor’ coven for some reason. 

(Also also, I do love how many fandom ideas and theories have been confirmed or debunked recently)

Darius also knows that Hunter is powerless, which is another thing that I’m curious about to how much do the others know about this?

The intro was cut short in an...interesting way, i’ll say that.

WILLOW HAS THE GROM PHOTO TOO I LOVE HOW EVERYONE HAS THE GROM PHOTOS THEY LOVE EACHOTHER SO MUCH

I really really really loved seeing Willow start to be more confident and try to find herself and have fun! (and kinda inspired by her dads by what some pointed out which is SO SWEET) This was a much needed episode for Willow, my dear girl.

I actually lost count of how many times i went “OH MY GOD HUNTER” and “HUNTER NO STOP”, for both second hand embarassement and also just worrying for him. Which is fun sjfksdjkjd. I love him but he can be a big brat/jerk/ass sometimes which is also why I love him. And he was really funny on this episode, he is a really funny character 

(Case in point, a bit of my live commentary: OH MY GOD HUNTER; oh my god hunter; this will not end well; NOOOOOO; i cant watch it; flapjack knock some sense into; him youre such a dweebus)

He actually met all the three of the detention trio! (mostly viney and not much of the other two but still) This was very nice as me and a friend on our put-in-hiatus Hunter Clawthorne au made him become friends with them there. I did really miss Viney, she was great here, together with Skara and Gus, my deario cheerios (Which, let me just say, loved Gus being so protective of Willow, because, yeah it hasn’t been an easy year for her, even with Luz hel

(Can we talk about Bump in the photo the abomination teacher showed?)

AND THAT WAS HIS SOCK! HE HAS FUN SOCKS! This makes me so happy

I was thinking Caleb could be the brother’s name, and it still can be but the Jasper Bloodwilliams addition made me rethink that (and!! one of the names has william on it. So everything goes now I guess)

And I’m glad my drawings of him using his staff more like a skate were proven right! And the animation there was really cool (Also Gus flying his staff in a different way just supports even more my hc that everyone in the main cast is nd. Since, yknow, different way of doing things)

He reexamined his biases also! Which was soooo nice, love me the character growth.

THE HALF A WITCH PARALELS THE TWO HAVE, THIS BOY CAN FIT SO MANY PARALELS ITS INSANE AND I LOVE IT. And I love how it was a slow realization for Hunter that she feels the same and struggles with her confidence and self esteem too

Sidenote, the friends to enemies drama with Viney and Jerbo was so funny nfdjsjdfsjnfdsnj (and also why was there a baby on the professor’s team?)

Yeah i think I’ll split this into three posts because I have so much to say sfdhjdsjjdsf

#toh #the owl house #toh spoilers #any sport in a storm #long post #analysis #alec talks #alec reviews #new tag!

[i-simp-for-gintoki]

Teaching Sanji how to make a meal he’s never heard of

Did this for randomly for fun, idk the idea hit me as i was drinking coffee at 5am. this is completely unrevised and unedited so its probably all over the place knowing my tired self. 

Also a few of my irl friends know this acc and im suddenly im kinda hella embarrassed to post anything lmao

hrng theres always so much dialogue but im to lazy to add a background and stuff for a proper one shot aaaaa

it was a lazy day on the sunny

the next island was still quite a ways away so everyone was doing there own thing to pass the time

but you were feeling kinda hungry, so of course you call sanji over

arriving at your side in record breaking speeds he smiled as he grabbed your hand and kissed it

“how may i help you my love?”

you returned his smile and laughed

“im feelin kinda hungry, do you think you can make me something to eat?”

he seemed to glow at your request and nodded his head

“Of course i can y/n-swan! Do you have something in mind or should i just make the usual”

you tilted your head in thought as you thought of the dish

“Actually i do have an idea”

You told him the dish and expected him to immediately run off like always but instead he blinked

“Erm...can you repeat that please?”

Telling it to him once more, the blond frowned and closed his eyes in thought

“I don’t believe i’ve ever heard of this dish, do you think you can describe it?”

“Sanji, don’t tell me you’ve never heard of this dish before?!” you say, eyes wide with shock

And now he feels even more guilty than before

He knows that there are food and meals out there he’s never heard of, but now when your requesting one of them and he cant do anything about it? He feels awful

“I apologize y/n-swan. I’ll make you some--” you interrupt him by poking his chest “Nope you’re not gonna cook anything now” 

This time he’s the one whos surprised

“Bu-” “Alright Sanji, today im going to teach you one of the best meals out there” 

Grabbing his hand, you lead him to the kitchen with a smile

“Y/n-swan...you can cook??” “Of course i can! I may not be a pro like you are, but i know a couple dishes pretty well. Only reason you don’t ever see me in the kitchen is simply because im lazy. Plus i prefer your cooking more, feels like im eating food that only royalty deserves”

His heart seemed to explode at that, he quickly pulled you back into a tight hug

“Y/n-swaaaaan~! What did i do to deserve an angel like you?” you laughed and hugged him back equally as tight

Once you finally made it to the kitchen, the chef grew excited

Excited to learn a new dish, excited that you are the one teaching it to him, excited to taste his lovely s/o’s cooking for the first time

You turned to him and crossed your arms

“Alright, how do you want to do this? Do you want to do it while i explain the steps, or do you want to just watch me make it?”

He thought for a few moments. While he was tempted to do it himself, he really wanted to try your cooking 

“I’ll watch you do the cooking, but i’ll help prep if thats alright with you. Just tell me what to grab and ill get it!”

You nodded your head and begun to list the ingredients

Throughout the whole process, Sanji was much quieter than you had initially thought he would be

Much less fawning over your actions, and more determination and focus as his blue eyes watched every little thing you did

Every now and then he would ask some questions or clarification but he didn’t say much else

Though actually, i think he would randomly give compliments to you while you cooked 

Soon enough the meal was complete, and suddenly you became slightly self conscious about your cooking

“Alright Sanji, the plating is a bit messy, and the flavors are probably not up to your standards but-” “Nonsense. I’m sure it tastes amazing, after all you were the one to make it”

You sigh and place the dish in front of him

He inspects the dish for a few seconds, turning it around and smelling it, sometimes gave it a light poke or two before finally taking a bite

He closes his eyes as he chewed but they suddenly shot open

“This is really good!”

“Really? You don’t have to be nice you know, its fine if you dont like it” you say but he shakes his head

“No no, this is seriously really delicious! Amazing job y/n-swan! The seasoning is amazing and the texture is very nice, the flavor isn’t too strong or light its just right. This is a great dish that I will definitely try to make in the future”

You can’t help but get a bit flustered at the compliments

“Thats..thats very sweet of you to say thank you” 

You lean over the table and kiss his cheek

From that alone he had to fight against getting a nose bleed honestly

“Now eat up, i believe you were the hungry one after all” he says and you nod

“Sure, lemme just grab another plate and fork and we can split it” you say but he quickly stands up “Here, let me grab it for you. Its the least i can do”

Standing up, he walks towards where the dishes and silverware is but pauses

“Instead of dirtying more things, how about you let me feed you?” he asks with a cheeky smile

You roll your eyes with a smile, deciding to indulge him of his request you nod

“You know what? Sure why not”

Later on he would practice the dish and have you taste it to see if it was correct/to your liking

Unsurprisingly, It only took him a few attempts to nail it 

Another one to add his own flair to it and make it even better

And man, the proud grin he had when he served you this dish

Like many of his other dishes, he practiced it to the point where he could probably make this perfectly blind folded

He gives you a sincere thank you for teaching him a new dish

Will make it for you whenever you ask

But please make him more food, he absolutely loved your cooking and hope it wasn’t a one time thing

#sanji x reader #one piece #vinsmoke sanji #one piece x reader #the sanji brain rot is real yall #dumpling writes

[shunsuiken]

fluffy scenarios of kita, akaashi, and iwaizumi staying up with their fem s/o because she's studying for a big exam please & thank you

im serious when i tell u i couldnt stop smiling when i wrote this, thanks for requesting anon <3

kita, akaashi and iwaizumi staying up with their fem s/o because she’s studying for an exam.

—kita shinsuke.

kita is 100% the type of person who has a consistent sleeping schedule

like bitch will sleep at 10pm and wake up at 5am bright and early and fucking gorgeous

you’ll never catch this guy slippin’ (the inarizaki vbc will upvote this statement)

the latest he’ll stay up is midnight which means that hes going to take more of the afternoon and evening to study

you’ll be studying with him in his room and kita will make sure the surroundings are peaceful enough for you to study effectively

he never hesitates to help you with some topics you don’t understand for the classes you both take

sometimes gives you studying tips that are really helpful

you check the time just to see how far you’ve come- its almost 10pm

youre worried about kita because bby has to sleep and you don’t want him to stay up for you !!

“kita?? kita where’d you go?” you’ll call out, thinking he’s already getting ready to head to bed

but you find him in the kitchen and you smell... noodles??? you watch him pour them into two separate bowls huh?

“i know you’ll be staying up late so have some noodles to regain energy.” he’ll carefully glide the bowl over to your side of the table, his black-dyed hair tips were still damp from taking a shower earlier

oof sis were u that focused on ur work that you didn’t realise he went down to cook you sth??

you have your notes in your hands, walking over to the table and sitting down “you’re not heading to bed yet? you don’t have to wait for me yknow.”

he turns the stove off, bringing his bowl of noodles to the table. “don’t you still have a few topics to cover? let’s continue.”

your face goes :O but your heart goes 💓💓💓

unbeknownst to himself, he’ll casually play with your feet under the table while he asks you questions to answer omg :( hes so cute tf

youre basically having a midnight study date with him

he’ll also compliment you when he feels like you’re running out of energy because he knows it gives you energy boosts :”)))

—akaashi keiji.

i firmly believe that this bby is a master at all nighters and does them when necessary

so when 9pm or 10pm hits, you both are in the kitchen making coffee because you know you still have much more to study

you love watching keiji make coffee like sometimes you stop stirring your own just to watch him and when he notices hes like “😳😳 what”

and you just shrug “you’re cute”

i guess keiji’s not used to your random compliment bursts so he just //blushes//

and then u give him a kith because his cute face deserves it

youre also wearing his sweater because he has an abundance of them in his closet and you totally raid it every few days

you guys head back to his room and begin studying again

the night is tranquil and the house is silent, it truly feels so serene when you put aside the thought of your final exams

then you remind yourself of the reality and it feels like shit all over again

akaashi obviously senses your distress so he put a hand on your outstretched leg. the warmth plays with your cool skin, relaxing your nerves a tad bit

it was the little things he did that made u feel better and maybe if you squint a little harder, you’ll know he’s telling you “i love you”

akaashi’s gonna be finished with his coffee within five minutes LMAO hes a fast sipper

youre wondering how hes able to pull this off every few months but i guess everyone has their own secret super power no?

at some point you find yourself dozing off at 1.30

“you ready for tomorrow?” “absolutely not” pfft. akaashi’s gonna think. he’ll drag your ass to his bed so you can sleep properly and avoid straining a muscle

“get rest, love, you should at least be awake for the exam.” is the last thing hear before you fall asleep on his comfy sheets

—iwaizumi hajime.

lots of chaos in the beginning and thats because you two made a stupid joke about godzilla and now you can’t stop laughing like a dumbass  every time you look at iwa

“y/n look at me-” “PFFFTTT” its literally the middle of the night and youve probably awoken the dead 🤷🏻‍♀️ no biggie tho

lowkey makes it easier for you to study because you’re awake awake yknow?

iwa defs likes to take care of you. he’ll pass you a drink to sip on whenever it looks like youre about to lose concentration and asks you from time to time if you feel like youve studied enough

WILL GIVE YOU A MASSAGE but you tell him no because that’ll only make you sleepier

asks you questions about your exam material. he sometimes gets confused by the question because he doesn’t take that class

he actually finds it cute when you have to shut your eyes to think of the answer and when you open them, hes staring at you fondly

its like “😳 is there something on my face you porcupine”

DID I JUST CALL IWA A PORCUPINE

this will lead you two into tickle fights and iwa convinced (not really) you that you should have regular tickle fights because ENERGY and BRAIN AWAKE 👍🏼

“call me a porcupine one mo-” ok this is cute because he tickles a spot that is super ticklish for you and you look- omg- you look so adorable all smiley

back to the studying part haha oh no youre starting to get sleepy

but you don’t wanna sleep yet!! you barely covered enough but iwa’s been watching u study and hes pretty sure you’ve covered the entire book since you started earlier this morning

idk i just feel like it would be nice if you laid flat on his lap and he just asks you questions and you try to answer them

his touch is just very nice and makes you feel safe yknow :)

you end up dozing off most of the time but you do try your very best to stay awake pls stop ur making iwa combust

after fifteen minutes of questions, you’ll surrender, exhausted

“tired?” you’ll hum in agreement and he’ll flip you over just to carry you into bed, tucking you in

#haikyuu!! #kita shinsuke #akaashi keiji #iwaizumi hajime #haikyuu x reader #kita shinsuke x reader #akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi hajime x reader #haikyuu fluff #hq x reader #haikyuu headcannons #haikyuu scenarios #hq scenarios #hq imagines #hq fluff #haikyuu

[skzfairies]

🕊Hiiii!! I was wondering if I could have a ship with a little head cannon about our relationship type of thing? I’d like it with Ateez, Stray Kids and Twice. I’m a female and use she/her pronouns,5’9,brown hair, brown/green eyes, I have thicker thighs, I’m a Virgo and also an ISFJ. I’m pretty intelligent and my favourite subjects at school are English, Drama, History, Psychology and Geography. I have some mental health issues (anxiety/depression) and am also pretty sensitive to what people say so I’m not the biggest fan of teasing, I don’t mind it if you are very close to me though. I’m also pretty insecure about my appearance and mainly my personality, I also don’t really trust men so I would need someone who would help me through that. I also really love someone who is good at hugs and am low key into arms (oooooopsies), I also would like someone to be really good at comforting me when I’m sad or having a panic attack or crying (which kind of relates to the hugging). I’m more on the introverted side, but if you are close to me I will talk about anything I’m passionate about. I’m the mum friend of the group and am also the resident therapist of my friend group as I’m a good listener, I’m always taking care of others and helping them with their problems. I’m pretty loyal and if I find out someone is talking bad about someone I love deeply, it’s on site. I like music, fashion, makeup, dancing, writing, reading and any other forms of art. My favourite animals are dogs, followed closely by penguins, cone snails and elephants. Thank you!!🕊

thank you for sending this in!!!!! so first, stray kids. the first person that came to head was chan, he’s smart and he knows a lot of things, i just remember him telling us fun facts on vlive so i feel like you guys could spend nights just talking about you favorite subjects up into the late hours of the night. chan is also really thoughtful i feel like he’s playful but it’s also very light and he makes sure you know he’s joking whenever he does tease you, so i feel like that would match you very well. he gives amazing advice and he’s such a comforting person i feel like, too so that would be perfect for you :) when you had a long day you could just run up to him and he would just give you a hug and let you talk about it if you wanted and i feel like he would be so good at calling you down and making you feel safe, cuz like, his aura is so calming and comforting if that makes sense 😭😭😭 also, he has huge arms LIKE HAVE U SEEN HIM? he def gives good hugs 🤞🤞. both you and chan are really caring and look out for people a lot, and are extremely loyal so i feel like those two things go well for each other, since you both are always looking after others u need someone look are you, yk? i feel like if you two are just hanging out at the studio he would do more subtle things to make sure your okay, like ordering you coffee even if you didn’t ask, turning around and talking for you a bit so he could see how your doing, sorts of things like that. i feel like studio dates would probably happen a lot, and you guys would probably sit on the couch and work on songs together, he probably has a separate file that is just songs that you both have made together :( THATS SO CUTE and chan is also very passionate about music, writing, reading (i know he does read at least some, because some of his songs are related to books🤞) so you guys have that in common, you both could spend hours talking about that anywhere, the car, under the stars, in bed at 5am, and you wouldn’t even realize what time it was until your voices start to hurt.

now for ateez i’m kinda torn, i ship your hongjoong + san..... i’ll just write for both of them 🙄✋. so hongjoong + san, their zodiac signs go well with yours, SO ITS MEANT TO BE. you both could compare your signs together or make a chart together and just talk about the stars and the universe under the sky, wait thts actually so cute...ANYWAYS. okay so both of them are introverts, i thiught san wasnt, but anyways i feel like dating an introvert as an introvert myself it would just, work. because we would understand each other and we could have dates that are more on the quiet side and not as crowded together without draining ourselves. san is such a hyper person, you both could just talk and talk and joke around in your bedroom and you would have the time OF YOUR LIFE, like that man is so goofy and funny i feel like. hongjoong is more on the calm side, and he always knows what to say, i feel like with him your relationship will be more romantic, and san would be romantic as well but more on the goofy side? both hongjoong and san are extremely comforting, to me at least, and it’s another aura thing 😭😭but i feel like both of them would just hug you if that’s what you wanted or just sit with you and calming stroke your hair or hold your while you calm down and they would do breathing excersies if you wanted with you, and they would sit there for how ever long you needed and help you calm down, and if you wanted to talk about it they would give all their attention and give you the best advice they could think of in that moment....cries get me a hongjoong and san. san is also very very loyal, and i feel like this man would kinda be protective, like even in the little things, hongjoong too. like if you were about to run into something he would gently pull you away, if someone won’t stop texting you he would send them a message himself to tell them to stop, and if found someone hurt you, this man will not calm down until they apogized, you have to hold this man back from talking to someone that upset you himself 🙄✋. he would never do anything that you didn’t wanted, but he really just wants to know who hurt his baby, you your his baby, btw. THEY WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOUUUU, need a hug, won’t let go for hours, want to go to disney? he already bought the tickets. ANYTHINGGG, cried your relationship would be so precious

okay for twice...IM GETTING JEONGYEON VIBES OKAY IDK????? when i was reading your description (which by the way you seem like such a cool person omg woah you seem so cool and beautiful), i just thought of jeongyeon. shes very funny i feel like so she could make you laugh for hours on end, and she’s caring too. i feel like she would also care for you in subtle ways like bringing you a blanket if it’s cold or ordering extra of her food for you even when you said you weren’t hungry, holding your hand in big crowds, she would always ask if you were okay or comfortable, but through out the day i feel like she would do those actions and she would just be :(((( SO CUTE. dies i love her, i love her so much. also jeongyeon seems like she would give such good hugs oh my gosh, whenever she would hug you you could just feel safe and comforted and loved, and she always knows whenever to hug you, like you had a stressful day? she’s already running and hugging you and starting your favorite movie and letting you rant. she would be such a good listener too, like no matter how much you rant to her she would remeber the little things that you told her and would make note of it and just, do things to suit you better, yk? she always wants the best for you, and is always looking out for you. she’s also very very loyal, and she’s so truthful too. she tells you anything that happens and your guys relationship is just so healthy :(((. and whenever you talk passionately about your interest, she would sit there and listen and talk about it with you, and she just thinks your so smart (which u are!) and shes just in awe with all the knowledge that you have, like that’s her favorite thing about you. she loves how passionate you are and that you love so many things, she could just sit there for hours listening to you talk :((

i hope this answered your request! thank you for sending this in and i hope you have a great day <3333

#🕊

[mollydollyjournals]

Its Thursday 1st July and I hit post limit so all I can do is update this post

I just want to drink til i pass out

9:46pm - oh when did i post this? Doesnt matter i guess. It really annoys me that the daily post limit applies to all blogs you have. I have 2 and i follow a lot of NSF- stuff so i have so much in my queue for my other blog, and i tend to post more immediately for that so i dont end up with a massive backlog, but thaats when i hit the limit. Whatever it is. I basically just wish i could set the queue to post more often when i have more there. Just post every 15mins or whatever and it'd go through quicker without me having to do it myself

Idk it doesnt matter i guess. Im still just venting all my bullshit here that i cant put anywhere else. But now is when i need it. I want interaction and company but i dont want to bother anyone and I dont know what to do with it. I dont have it in me to try to be a person right now. Tumblr is for messy. At least thats how i do.

But once you hit post limit it apparently doesnt even let you delete stuff to post anything else. I havent been here in years really so i totally forgot. Plus it could have been different anyway. Idk. Guess i will just drink until i disintegrate or something

10:20pm - it just makes me feel worse. I know theres a reason for post limit and its not the end of the world. Just it doesnt reset til 5am and I'll be asleep by then which means for the rest of today i cant actually say anything, and that kinda fucks with my derealisation/depersonalisation/whatever it is. I need acknowledgement to feel real. I need people to remind me that i exist. Even just a little. Its stupid and insecure but i do. Everything is worse since covid and being stuck in a house with someone who barely acknowledges my existence. I feel like a ghost. I feel netter at least a little temporarily if someone just sees and acknowledges me. And currently i can't do anything about that. Nobody is going to go to my page(s) and see whats up, its not that kind of thing. Even if it was they still wouldnt. I put on my other social media fucking ages ago that i was really struggling, then i disappeared, and it took days for it to get noticed at all. Then only 3 people acknowledged it. People have their own lives and there are algorithms etc so i cant be angry at them, but the end result is i still feel really alone.

I often feel like i want to just talk to people. Only a select few. Its not that i necessarily need to talk about "deep" stuff, but i need to know that i could if i needed to. Or if we just both happened to be in that mood at the same time. Like how i dont wanna talk about something totally innocent and generic with someone who turns out to be racist or whatever.

I dont know. Maybe i do need to talk some shit through right now. Doesnt matter either way. Ill most likely just be back to this post later to say more about how i dont really feel like being alive.

10:39pm - I hate that im like this. I dont know if its reasonable or not. I used to be someone who wantes so much space. I still dont feel like i want to always be around people. I must have some individuality somewhere. But i cant find it. Since the pandemic hit especially, it just highlighted everything ive been missing and trying to supplement. I need things to change. But i dont have a hope of doing so while i feel like this. Im so lost. Ive spent my life trying to be confident in myself and ive run my reserves dry. I so rarely get any help topping up. I fucking hate the whole Strong Black Woman trope. Im tired. Ive carried my family since I was 13 and romantic partners have expected me to carry them too. I need to be held and comforted. I need support. If nothing else i need to just be acknowledged. I dont feel like a person. Im invisible and inaudible so much of the time and apparently that only changes when someone wants to see or hear me. When do i get to be a person in my own right? When does someone actually see or hear me for who i am and care about my existence regardless of what it does for them

10:54pm - its the worst of my mental health, tbh, that i dont feel like its worth trying anything if its not going to be acknowledged and welcomed by anyone else. Existing included. I feel my worst and most suicidal when i cant have anyone remember that i exist. Because maybe i dont. Maybe people dont miss me or think of me unless theyre reminded for some specific reason. And i say these things because i want to be proved wrong but why would anyone.

I want to cut. I hate this stupid post limit. I could have at least distracted myself by reblogging stuff for a bit. Im still spiralling. I need a distraction and there isnt one and there wont be one and if i even get through tonight itll just be another reminder that in the end im alone

11:24pm - something feels particularly cruel about not being able to post here, even if i delete stuff. Its just an app sure but its the closest thing i have to therapy. I came back here specifically because i was struggling posting on my regular social media and having people not pay any attention. I thought id make a fresh anonymous account where i could vent and my shitty brain couldnt take it personally if nobody acknowledged it. Now i just have all that shit going round my head and nowhere to put it. Im right back where i started. Nobody will read this. If they do they wont care. If by some chance they did they'll be put off by me being so negative.

"One day someone will hug you so tight all tour broken pieces will fit back together" yeah sure. Whatever.

[g-rai-n]

january 21, 2021, 1:23am

it’s 1 in the morning and i really just need an outlet for my thoughts

my phone is currently charging and di ko rin magalaw kasi bulok yung cable. it’s on 4% and it’ll die if it disconnects. guess i cant use evernote

it’ll be weird to let all these thoughts out to a public yet at the same time private place. who knows, maybe i’ll let someone read it in the future? for now it’ll serve its purpose: layout my thoughts, clear my mind, and hopefully prevent me from doing stupid shit

-

i’ve been staying up way too late at night in the past few days. mainly because i either spend the whole night playing league with chai or spend like 1-2 hours just listening to lofi while waiting for her to finish and hopefully invite me to play league with her. this already sounds so much for someone ive met like a month ago (?). yes. yes it is. i sometimes try to leave my league client status on active so may “better chances of getting invited by chai” as in ginagalaw ko yung mouse every 5 minutes habang nakahiga, waiting (thank god for wireless mice). the waiting would usually start around 11pm. usually at this time she’s playing with her friends.

i really want to spend time with her haha. chat or league i honestly dont care. being bot lane duo with her tho is a major plus. i could be myself and id see her enjoying her time<- already makes the hours of waiting definitely worth it. we have fun conversations, i wish they would last for hours, specifically like that one day when we talked from 1pm to 5am. that was really nice.

i dont want to say that im just bored because of the quarantine and that this is just another stupid infatuation or something idk. its not. i feel a natural connection between us, something i couldn’t really in the people i meet in dating apps. it sounds fucking lame but ive always believed that having a natural connection with a person means you two would be good friends and that could also lead to something much more special. i dont know, i’m still not sure about things but id like to try once more. and i know i always tell this to myself but i swear i have a good feeling about this.

if you’re re-reading this in the future, i’m sorry if its a mess. i guess the thoughts just wander off easily.

i hope things go well for me this time. 

[just-urtypical-blonde]

Thursday June 20th, 2019

Today was emotional draining. I went to the GYN for my 6 month check up, I’ve seen my dr twice a year for the past 4 1/2 years. Every time normal. Nothing out of the ordinary, a bill of clean health thrusted upon me. But this was not every other visit. Or else I would be here, writing about it. This time my doctor found something unsual. She found a lump that felt like the size of a marble on my left breast. For most people, especially a young/healthy twenty-one year old, a lump is usually nothing to be too concerned with. But my mother had breast cancer five years ago. My doctor reassured me that it was probably just a cist and perscribed a sonogram to check it out and either cornfirm or deny that it was a cist. And she comforted me saying there was “nothing to worry about.” And honestly, I wasn’t too worried. Ever since my mom went through her cancer treatment, I had a gameplan. Because a small part of me had a feeling that I too, would get breast cancer. Granted, I thought I had another 15-20 years tho. So off I went, script in hand out into the pouring rain. Where I called my mother to tell her what had just happened. With concern in her voice, she said that everything will be okay and that we’ll figure this all out when I get home. In the begining of the 40ish minute drive home, it hit me. I had a lump, at least the size of a marble, and it wasn’t there six months ago. “How did I not notice it?” “How did I let it get so big?” “And what if it was cancer?” These were all running through my head 10 minutes into driving. And I went from being fine. To sobbing while driving on the highway. So to try and take my off of it all. I put my radio on max volume and blasted some tunes. It kind of worked, took 15 minutes, but I was finally out of my head. During my sobfest I texted two close friends to see if we could do girls night. Unsure if I would tell them about my appointment. They both say theyd love a girls night, and that theyll be to my house within the next 30 minutes. So I finally pull into my driveway. I go inside and Im met with my mother and my sister. My mom insists on feeling the marble inside me. Which means I have to tell my sister. So we’re all standing in my kitchen, crying. Okay so I’m doing most of the crying; but that’s fine. When my brother in law walks into this mess, discovers what just transpired and embraces me in his arms, telling me that it’ll all work out, and that it’s most likely nothing. So my mom goes on to make the sonogram for Monday June 24th at 1pm. Right after I get out of work. We...I cried some more, mascara running down my face because I cant believe this is real and happening. When I see one of my friends pull up. So I take my makeup off to not show that I’ve been crying for the past hour at this point. It worked. She came in and we watched the episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit where a kid whose being abused by his father assaults his friend with a hockey stick. Its actually a really good episode. But towards the end of the episode our other friend gets here and the trio is united once more. We end up watching another episode of SVU, or maybe we watched three. Honestly, I’m not too sure. But one of them showcased the pick up line “What drives you” and we all honestly thought that was hillarious! Next thing I know we’re heading to a park because one of us left out keys there during a hook up. (honestly idk if I phrased that right but I dont care y’all know what I mean). And they took a really cute boomerang of my on a swing. I was having a good time, and I had completely forgtten about my appointment for a few hours. Which I desperately needed. Than we got some food and I ended up telling them about my marble in Sonic. Not my greatest moment, but it was a thing that happened. They embraced me and reassured me that I’d be okay. But my life made a drastic 180° in the span of 2 minutes.

Friday June 21st, 2019

Today I woke up at 5am. It fucking sucked. I think I got 20 minutes of sleep between 7:40 and 8. But after that I was wide awake. I’m honestly still alittle mad about it. But during all that time fucking around on facebook I got a text from my mom asking if I wanted to get the sonogram today. Because honeslty, my mom is a freakin beast and I love her to death. I told her I wouldnt mind, but I had brunch plans at noon so its no big deal. I had an appointment for monday and if I had to wait, than I had to wait. She called me a few hours later at 9:45am saying that a place by her job had an opening at 10:30 and if I wanted it. Obviously I did. So I hopped out of bed, got ready in less than 10 minutes. I looked like a hobo but I was in my car and met my mom at her job by 10:02. She met me in the parking lot and off we went. The four minute car ride was stupidly emotional. But, if it wasn’t I think that would’ve been weirder. We finally arrived at the sonogram place and once inside the room where I get checked by the doctor, she said “I never imangined my first sonogram with one of my children wouldn’t be for a heart beat.” Which really got to me. Not too long after that the somogram woman walked in and begin doing the test. I was not allowed to get any footage or documentation of this process, which actually sucks. But I’ll find a way to get my hands on those files. I mean, its my breast and my masses! (oh they ended up finding more than one mass on my left, and another mass on my right. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves). I cried the entire time she was sonograming my breast. Because now it was real. I couldn’t pretend the marble wasnt there, because I could see it clear as day on the monitor. And it was definitely bigger than a marble. It was the size of a peach pit. Then she said she found another smaller mass on the lower part of my breast. So yay, lumps for us all. The doctor came in and told us that the lumps weren’t cists. But they weren’t cancer either. Turns out my boobs are very fibourous. But theres two kinds of boob fibers. Ones that grow incredibly fast, like cancer but not cancer. And regular ones. Since the marble that is now a peach pit has a different textire than the other ones they found. She recommended a biopsy. So I got dressed and made the appointment for Monday June 24th after I get out of work. Im glad I’m getting this taken care of. And I’m also really glad this is happening now instead of when I’m older and in a relationship. I’m proud to know that I’m strong enough to get through this myself. Even if “by myself” is my mom, my sister, my brother in law, and two friends. (Plus like 6 other important people in my life my mom told because she was stressed and didnt wanna scare me because I was already scared and also the baby). (and no I’m not mad at her for telling these people this. I knew she would tell people because she was worried and needs someone to vent about me to, so like... I get it) I’m still scared, granted for no reason. And I’m still having a hard time believing this is real. But I’m taking things one day at a time. So until Monday, unless I find my journal by then.

#Dont reblog #me #personal #plese dont reblog #this is just a vent #these past few days have been stressfull #and I cant find my journal right now #im so emotionally dead #but still crying #I took some pics and imma post them with all these words one day on my finsta #I should be happy #and full of joy #so why arent I

[isaacathom]

ok deakin uni are we 100% sure we want this fuckers name on our university like i know we were all racist in the 20s but uhhhhhhhhh like im Just saying

more rambling about prime ministers in the service of wooorldbuillding???? (????) under the cut

WAIT DEAKIN IS ONLY 50- GUYS. WHAT. WHY. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN KNOWN INFO. WHY DID WE NAME THE UNIVERSITY AFTER HIM. bro. Bro. Bros? Lads? Dudes? My fellas? what the fuck were you doing naming a university in 1974 after a pm who was Big Boy behind white australia my fucking God. what the fuck. Yall? The fuck. Why. ok when i name this fake fucking university in ACitDS (the uni isnt actually located in UWG though) im naming it for a fucking good prime minister. which might be hard but im gonna try my best to find someone whose at least DECENT. like.... my first thought in menzies but god i would hate to go to a school named for him bc the amount of bullshit that would come from pronouncing his name the scottish way would drive me Fucking Insane. Mingies. Im not going to a school named mingers, yall. 

uhh lets find a pm. god seeing scomos face startles me everytime. im just hoping shorten has a nice photo lined up. was watson decent. ‘first socialist or social democratic government’ alright im down for this. he was only leader for 4 months but its a precedent thing. he seems like a cool dude. fisher is also cool. can you tell im picking labor prime ministers yet? one issue - he’s from ql. and watson was from nsw. fuckers. wheres a good vic pm who isnt taken (im think curtin was victorian, dont quote me on that). im not counting hughes, if hes even a vic. nope, new south, dammit. mother fuckers. SCULLIN WAS FROM VICTORIA, ok we’re fucking getting somewhere now. alright. wait what am i doing it Says their electorate in the main p- fuck me ok. ok. alright.

jesus hughes what the Fuck

anyway uhh most of the vic guys are kinda eeehhhh so im down for Scullin i guess. Scullin University, lmao. ALSO

FUCKING DAMMIT CURTIN

but i guess scullin university, then? if we wanna keep it at least vaguely associated. he was a labor guy rather than a... uh......liiiberal? i guess. so theres that. but id rather have it be like.... a good guy. not that it really matters in the scheme of things because the hypothetical Scullin University (located in fucking, i dont know, Norwood Melbourne, eat my ass) isn’t actually like. a real presence for ACitDS? like im considering that there MIGHT be a joiner there (have Thomas really get around, though it all ultimately comes home) but having any part of the game take place as Scullin seems weird bc it implies its during the trimester. and its during the trimester, Thomas really cant justify doing all this Absolute Fucking Nonsense. I believe in the dream it was actually the end of trimester 1, with the game starting basically on their last day. which means they were born in may, since their birthday was riiiight before. that doesnt preclude any of the game taking place at or adjacent to Scullin, because there is the whole month of break b/w tris 1 and 2 and since Thomas is an art student they probably have to go pick up their folios which gives them an excuse t be in the area. but at the same time i dont know where a joiner would be (well, i Do, sort of) and it raises bigger timeframe risks in terms of the time of day. like... thomas has to get home. and trust me mother fuckers, if thomas was in the hole too long that is a fuck of a trip home. the tram runs till late. the uhhhhh 732 runs....  hmm. lemme check hold on homies... ok thomas is fine for getting to like, Knox City (Kent City? whatever) but its getting HOME thats the stickler. god the new ptv site is trash on desktop, i cant see SHIT. maps are nice but i wanna actually like.... see the options im being given. bitch. ok put it this way. if thomas leaves at 8pm, theyre fine. sort of. having to get a tram and 3 buses home isnt ideal by any stretch but its doable. if thomas leaves at 9pm, theyre fucked. you cant get home. theyd basically have to walk the whole fucking way from deakin to vermont south. sorry, Scullion to whatever South. good luck! 

like. good fucking luck thomas. its an hour to walk to the 732 at that time of night so if you miss that tram youre fucked. even if thomas makes it to vermont south, apparently theres basically jack shit between 9pm and 5am soooo good luck.

its not necessarily a huge issue because it could always work on narnia logic. but im not super into the idea of having it be very dilated. plus, idk, maaaybe thomas lives near a train station. i dont think they do. because i know i dont. but yknow. hypothetically. well ok theres a bunch of services between vermont and knox in the Dark Hours but then they have to get home. its like an hour walk. after fighting demons and angels thomas is gonna be fucking knackered. absolutely not walking for an hour to get home. theyd be more likely to crash at a friends place on Res at Scullion. i dont even know if youre allowed to do that. one sec. well, technically, but if its between semesters???? eh. idk. be a Lillllll funky on that front. idk. i do really like the idea of having one of the ‘day’ transitions being thomas half asleep on a bus/tram/train, though. so we could easily just handwave it and say that they live close enough to a station or transport hub that its essentially accessible at awkward hours of the night. plus its like, if the day starts in the morning, it being late evening for that seems fair. well, late evening as in like..... 8pm or smth. since thats a fair enough time to my mind. 12 hours all up, maybe?

idk. i think this baaasically works. Thomas [SUR. NAME] lives in Upper Wattle Gully in the south eastern suburbs, and attends Scullion University in Norwood. anyone who lives out my way know immediately what all of that means. ;)

#story blogging #yay? i guess! thatll do #thomas still needs a surname. alexander maybe? that sounds cute

[vitaminhosh]

prince!seungcheol

anon requested: “prince cheol i will lvoe u forever”

pairing: seungcheol x reader

under the cut bc it’s ridiculously long

oH boy i am so ready for this au

one of the most charming and endearing princes out there??

there isn’t anyone one within a 100-mile radius that dislikes seungcheol like..... have you met him

and anyone who does kind of feel some sort of dislike towards him

they see him smile and oops

how did I not like him before?? he’s an angel??

he is genuinely hard working and kind hearted though, he works very hard to make the lives of his people better

when he was younger and wasn’t allowed to go out he would have to learn about the kingdom’s history and,, all the war and bloodshed absolutely broke his heart

he swore that when he was older he would never allow something like this to happen again

when he was finally allowed to go out and saw some of the people struggling to just make do, he was determined to make a change

nowadays he makes it his mission to go out and meet everybody and see how they’re doing as often as his busy schedule allows

he’ll have lunch in the town and chat with the people, anyone who saw from the outside wouldn’t even suspect that he was royalty and just think that it was a table of old friends

plus his absolute favorite meal of all time is in this small shop tucked away in one of the small streets in the heart of town, and it was,,, a burger

sure the food in the palace was obviously amazing with top chefs cooking there and all but,, nothing really beats the burger made in this small shop that people barely even knew about

we all know seungcheol will be a well-dressed prince 

like,, he won’t want to be super over the top in full on capes and stuff but,, he sure as hell isn’t just walking around town in sweatpants or something

he cares about his image okay

(even though everyone will swoon even if he were to go out in sweatpants and a hoodie)

everyone in his kingdom is basically in love with him

as are the people in neighboring kingdoms 

and far away kingdoms

the other princes are jealous

have you seen his smile though? it can cure diseases

he takes his responsibilities very seriously, but obviously, he’s still a young man who likes to have fun and gets bored too

he doesn’t like to sit still, so when he’s finished with all of his duties he’ll be off to go do something

even at odd times at the night, you can find him in a nearby kingdom trying to find this specific comic book or something

people don’t find it weird anymore

“oh look prince seungcheol is here again did you want more of these sweets?”

he’s often seen hanging out with the other princes when he can

the people die when they see their princes hanging out together

has public social media accounts but also secret personal ones

spams the group chat full of princes,, just because he can

ok enough background stuff onto you and cheol

you work in one of those small tucked away shops that prince seungcheol likes to frequent

however you’re not from this kingdom, and you only work the night shift so it’s not like you know a lot of people or much about this kingdom

you’re just taking this job to try and make some cash while you’re away from home traveling, you happened to choose to stay here indefinitely

you’re not entirely sure who this strangely good-looking man is who only comes in at 3am every week is but ?? business is business plus you’re not gonna judge,, it’s not like you’ve never had cravings for junk food in the middle of the night too

since it’s late at night cheol is dressed in very casual clothes so nothing really gives away the fact that he’s actually the goddamn prince of this kingdom

since he comes so often plus he just likes to get to know people he makes small talk while you gather up his stuff

after a couple of weeks, you soon become kinda like friends ?? it’s a weird circumstance but hell it’s 3am nobody’s really functioning well enough to question this

 you’re sitting at the counter on your phone when the bell on the door rings signalling another customer

you just know it’s him again cause,,, not many people would be here at this ungodly time of night so you don’t bother looking up

you stop scrolling through instagram when you hear tutting in front of you

“I should complain to your manager you know- I’d rate this customer service a 1/10″

seungcheol watched as you finally looked up and chuckled at him

“sorry old man..... how can I help you, your highness”

seungcheol froze- did you finally find out who he was?

the reason he was so interested in you was because you didn’t seem to know who he was, and treated him like a normal person

his mind was going 100 miles a minute until you suddenly snorted

“god imagine it,, you ?? a king ?? pfft”

he smirked once he realized he wasn’t busted

“what do you have against me being a king huh?”

“idk man what kinda king buys junk food like three times a week at 3am,, plus ur a dork”

“wow,,, is that all i am to you,,,,,, a dork,,,, im hurt”

you smack his arm before starting to scan the things he’s put down on the counter

“how do you eat all this and stay in shape... tell me your secrets”

“god given metabolism sorry sweaty you can’t buy this :-)”

you snorted once again as you begin to pack his things into a paper bag

“did god accidentally spill all the ego into you as well”

“well i mean to help god out i do go workout too feel free to join me if you’re not too unfit to keep up”

“uhhh excuse me who are you calling unfit..... give me a time and place and I’ll fight beat you in a race”

“fine when do you get off tomorrow I’ll walk you to the hill and see who can get to the top first”

and that’s how you ended up at the bottom of a hill at 5am with a man you’ve never seen outside the shop

“whoever wins gets treated to breakfast”

“wipe that smirk off your face seungcheol I’m not getting beat by you”

surprise surprise,,,,, you lost

unfortunately he was much faster than you thought he would be

you were both lying on the grass, panting from running up a sizable hill 

you punched his arm

seungcheol sat up, mouth open as he was about to whine when a voice came from the bottle of the hill

“your highness! there you are! you were supposed to return an hour ago you father will find out you’ve been out!”

seungcheol’s eyes widened before cursing under his breath

“I gotta go but you still owe me breakfast okay I’ll explain everything tonight ok bye !!”

you just sat there in shock as seungcheol dashed down the hill, even faster than before as the worker followed behind him

“y-your highness?”

you had flashbacks to seungcheol smirking when you laughed at the idea of him being king

you make your way back home, with a permanent blush on your cheeks and a million thoughts in your head

how could you not know that he was the prince?

oh god you’ve been smacking the prince for weeks when he makes a stupid dad joke

you can’t sleep that day and when you’re back in the shop you’re barely conscious

you’re too tired to even think about seungcheol saying he would explain tonight

when seungcheol comes in and makes his way over to the counter, he expects to find you on your phone again but instead sees you asleep on the counter

he smiles softly before grabbing an old receipt and a pen and writing a note

“sleeping on the job? strike two y/n. I really should complain to your manager, guess I was just too fast for you ;). I’ll be back tomorrow, get some rest. p.s. you might want to wash that hoodie, you drooled a little bit”

you woke up with a panic when your phone chimed at 5am, reminding you it was time to close up

oh god seungcheol was supposed to come

after you finally orientate yourself you notice the note on the table

after reading the note you flush red again

oh god you were asleep in front of the cute prince and d r o o l e d

you stumbled home after closing up and immediately went to sleep

later that day you rushed to the shop, almost late since you were so tired you slept through your alarm

as 2 am came around the bell on the door rang and you sat up straight

seungcheol didn’t usually come till around 3 so you assumed this was an actual customer

"I hope you washed that hoodie before coming back here tonight”

you looked down and noticed that you were in such a rush that you didn’t even change out of last night’s outfit

flushing pink, you quip back with a “so what if I didn’t huh”

seungcheol finally appears from around the shelf

“its a bit gross i gotta say”

“not as gross as you”

seungcheol looked at you with a soft smile on his face, trying to get the words in his head to form coherent sentences

“im sorry”

you looked at him with a blank face

“what for ?? i mean i know its kinda gross but like i was gonna be late for work and-”

“no, I’m sorry for not telling you”

you sat there with your mouth half open and closed it before looking down at your hands that were on the counter

“it’s okay”

he took your hands in his, making you look up

“it’s not, I shouldn’t have kept it from you. I’ve just never had someone treat me like everyone else and it was... refreshing. But you deserved to know, I was being selfish. I’m sorry”

you gave seungcheol a soft smile, giving his hands a soft pat as he looked down at his feet to try and get his attention

“seungcheol really, it’s fine. I understand why you did it, I’m not mad”

“I still feel bad, it wasn’t right. You should be mad”

“well I mean I am....”

seungcheol looked up, ready to apologize again

“but only cause you beat me in a race,,,,, outrageous”

you smack him again, trying to lighten the mood

“but a deal is a deal, and I still owe you breakfast”

seungcheol started giggling, and you swear your heart skipped a beat

“im trying to be serious here and all you care about is getting beat”

“cheol, i really don’t mind. plus, I’m a woman of my word, I can’t have you owe me, that’s ridiculous”

“I’m busy later, how about you just treat me to a late night snack here instead”

fast forward to a couple weeks later, and you’re back at that hill waiting for seungcheol to come so that he can introduce you to his prince friends as you have a couple of days off

you can actually hear them before you see them 

who’s even surprised at this point it’s seungcheol + 12 rowdy boys

“guys please don’t be embarrassin- oH hi y/n you’re early hahaha”

“hi I’m jeonghan are you cheol’s girlfrien-”

seungcheol shoved the guy out of the way before he could finish his sentence

“sorry,,, my friends are idiots”

you chuckled as seungcheol sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, a light pink dusting his cheeks

“don’t worry, I like them”

“wE LIKE YOU TOO Y/N”

you giggled before heading over to the group of guys to go meet them properly

seungcheol stood still for a second, watching you introduce yourself to his friends a couple feet away

jeonghan came up to him, watching you with him

“when are you gonna ask her out, I thought you were going to the other day when you guys hung out at her place”

“she was tired so I let her sleep, some other time jeonghan”

they headed back to the group and you turned to them as you noticed the two join the circle

“cheol !! is it true that you tripped over a log and fell into the lake while trying to impress a girl when you were 6? i knew you were a dork but I didn’t think it was that bad”

“wHAT ARE YOU GUYS TELLING HER”

as the day began to end and everyone had to head back, seungcheol insisted on walking you back to your apartment

you had refused at first, but you were tired and it was late

when you got to your place you turned to seungcheol, about to thank him for walking you back when you saw him looking nervous

“cheol, are you okay? what’s wrong?”

“nothing,, I just,, y/n would you want- I mean- do you,, uh,,,, will you,, go out with me?”

you could barely hear him as he was mumbling but you just managed to catch his words

you put your hand on his cheek and pressed a quick kiss onto his other cheek

“of course seungcheol, it’d be an honor”

you smiled and said goodnight before heading inside

seungcheol stood there, frozen in shock as you had not only agreed but ???? you kissed his cheek ?????

you began to get ready for bed, a smile and a light blush on your face

you can’t believe you’re dating the biggest dork on the planet

seungcheol, on the other hand, was shouting at jeonghan down the phone; he practically skipping home

a/n: this is,,,,,, the longest thing ever im so sorry i got excited about this au

#seungcheol fluff #s coups fluff #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen #svt #svt fluff #svt imagines #svt scenarios #seungcheol imagines #s coups imagines #seungcheol scenarios #s coups scenarios #writing #hip hop unit #seungcheol #s coups #vitaminhosh