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rhaenella · 5 months

Note

idk if ur reqs are open but im obsessed with ur account. i was wondering if u could do a smau of any driver (other than danny ric) x pbr!reader. like shes the only woman to ever compete at NFR in bull riding. shes also 19 and doesnt ride with a helmet (just a cowboy hat) shes also like yhe biggest rodeo barbie you could imagine.

Firstly, I’m sorry it took me so long to get to work on your request, end of the year stuff and other wips got in the way 🫠 Anyways, I decided on Max for this because I almost immediately thought of him and his little Texas outfit 🥰 Also, I have to admit that my (non-American) knowledge of professional bull riding consisted primarily of The Longest Ride so excuse any inaccuracies, but I tried my best to read up on it! That being said, I hope it’s to your liking :)

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MV1 | Season of Champions

pairing: max verstappen x pbr!reader

genre: social media au

summary: you and max are each other's biggest supporters as max tries to secure his 3rd world championship title, whilst you're fighting for your 1st in a previously all male dominated sport

masterlist

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Liked by wagsf1, user3 and 135,092 others

mv.y/nupdates: Tomorrow our girl can secure one of the few select spots in the NFR finals!!! Unfortunately Max can’t be there due to his own race in Qatar, but we’ll be sure to cheer them both on ❤️

View all 712 comments

user1: they’re gonna kill it on both sides of the atlantic

user2: POWER COUPLE

user3: omg i hope y/n wins 🙏 she deserves this so much

user4: my alarm is set for 4 am to support y/n 🫡

user5: are you taking a nap between their races??

user4: lol obviously

user5: same 😂 it’s a tough life stanning max & y/n

7 October

Liked by y/n, mv.y/nupdates and 112,363 others

pbr: y/n y/l/n becomes the first woman in history to qualify for the NFR finals in Las Vegas in December! Congrats on this incredible achievement, y/n. See you in Sin City⚡️

View all 674 comments

user6: OMG SHE DID IT ❤️❤️❤️

user7: i’m so proud of her, i’ve literally been here since day 1

user8: remember when she used to do rodeo and everyone told her she could never go into pbr… look at her NOW 🔥

user9: she gave her hat to the little girl in the front row 😭❤️

user10: yep i cried

user11: y/n is not only the best, she is the SWEETEST

8 October

Liked by maxverstappen1, carlossainz55 and 805,298 others

y/n: There aren’t words to describe how it feels to finally have my childhood dream come true. I’m not gonna lie, it was a tough road, especially as a female in this industry. Working my way up through rodeo to where I am today: a NFR finalist!! It’s a real pinch me moment… Little me would be ecstatic (just like present me 🙈) To all the other little girls that share the same passion & dream, it’s possible! Never stop believing in yourself ❤️ Now, let’s get that trophy!!!

View all 3,238 comments

maxverstappen1: My girl 😍 You’ve 100% got this 💪

y/n: Thank you baby 🥰 But first, Texas!

landonorris: GET INNN

Liked by y/n

lewishamilton: Legend in the making 🤍

Liked by y/n

user12: you’re gonna inspire so many girls to follow their dreams 🧡

user13: ✨role model✨

user14: soooo… idk if anyone’s seen the other finalists but she’s going to absolutely annihilate the competition just saying

user15: fr, they ain’t ready

8 October

Liked by user16, user17 and 658,512 others

f1: Howdy, y’all, it’s race week 🤠 Austin, here we come! 🇺🇸

View all 520 comments

y/n: Looking sharp sheriffs!

carlossainz55: Muchas gracias

charles_leclerc: Have to look our best this weekend, don’t we?

y/n: I wonder who for 🤔

charles_leclerc: 😉

user16: UHM FLIRTY MUCH??

user17: easy there sharl, she’s taken 💀

user18: cota the soap opera, i’m here for it

16 October

Liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing and 778,543 others

y/n: Switching my bull gear for that other bull gear 💙 COTA LET’S GOOO

View all 2,160 comments

maxverstappen1: Blue looks good on you

Liked by y/n

danielricciardo: Yeeeeehaaawwww

redbullracing: Team Bull. Always.

y/n: Hell yeah!!

user19: you can pull off literally anything 😍

user20: y/n is at cota this weekend!!!!!

user21: omfg finally some y/n & max content

user22: we’ve been STARVED

user21: exactly 🥲

user23: GIRL WAIT YOU SWITCHED TO THE CAP??

y/n: Don’t worry!! It was only for the pic 😊

user23: oh thank god

18 October

y/n's story

Seen by landonorris, alex_albon and 2,436,712 others

19 October

Liked by y/n, victoriaverstappen and 728,451 others

maxverstappen1: Austin ready 🇺🇸💪

View all 1,934 comments

y/n: There were so many cool hats to choose from but he insisted on wearing mine…😈

landonorris: Initiating the cowboy hat rule just in time before the race… Clever girl

alex_albon: Oooohh everybody watch out

schecoperez: 😂😂😂

y/n: You know it ;)

maxverstappen1: Wait what?

landonorris: Nothing, mate 🤠 You’ll find out soon enough

user24: BYEEEE AHAHAHA

user25: y/n and the whole grid ganging up on max 😭

user26: he’s so oblivious i love it

19 October

Liked by sophiekumpen, redbullracing and 654,281 others

f1: VERSTAPPEN WINS AT COTA! 🏆

View all 2,017 comments

user27: 🔥🔥🔥

user28: the goat does it again

user29: little sad that max didn’t wear the cowboy hat on the podium tho

user30: lmao y/n is probably as well

22 October

Liked by maxverstappen1, alex_albon and 768,311 others

y/n: WHAT. A. WEEKEND. 15th win of the season & 50th altogether!!!🥇Proud of you Maxie 😘😘

View all 2,108 comments

maxverstappen1: Love you 😘

user31: MAXIE??? i’m sobbing

user32: i need to know all her nicknames for him NOW

user33: and i need her to be at every one of his races

user34: same she fitted right in with the crew in the pitbox, joking around and everything :’)

user33: truly one of the few wags who are actually into the sport…

22 October

Liked by y/n, danielricciardo and 734,161 others

maxverstappen1: It’s incredible to win my 50th Grand Prix here today. I feel very proud to achieve this! Amazing job by everyone in the team 👏 And special thank you to y/n, the hat indeed brought us luck!

View all 1,998 comments

y/n: Always trust the hat, you should wear it more often

maxverstappen1: Unfortunately we cannot all break the helmet rules

y/n: 🙄

user35: lmao y/n is like you either die trying or you don’t try at all

user36: she has an aesthetic to look after 💅🏼

y/n: 🤣 You got it!

user36: OMG OMG

user37: BROOO

user38: well at least we’ve got that confirmed now

22 October

y/n's story

Seen by charles_leclerc, fernandoalo_oficial and 2,766,192 others

23 October

y/n's story

Seen by lewishamilton, charles_leclerc and 2,541,384 others

23 October

Liked by user39, user40 and 31,476 others

mv1jet: Verstappen’s jet just touched ground! 🛬 Nevada, United States of America 🇺🇸

View all 508 comments

user39: oh god everyone get ready

user40: this can only mean 1 thing

user41: MAX EMILIAN VERSTAPPEN, 3-TIME F1 WORLD CHAMPION, COMING TO SUPPORT HIS GIRL AT THE BIGGEST PBR EVENT OF THE YEAR HELLO YES I AM SAT

28 November

Liked by mv.y/nupdates, pbr and 275,021 others

wranglernfr: Today marks the start of the 65th NFR Finals! Newcomer and fan favorite y/n y/l/n has a good shot at winning the championship this week. However, will she decide to adhere to the mandatory helmet regulations or will she risk disqualification and still wear her self-proclaimed good luck hat? We’ll find out soon, folks. Stay tuned!

View all 1,454 comments

user42: i bet she keeps to her aesthetic

user43: oh def, she basically said it herself already

user44: but but but would they really disqualify her when she wins…??

user45: technically it is against the rules to ride without a helmet during the nfr’s so… yeah they might

user44: 😥😥

user46: please y/n don’t jeopardize it all 😩

2 December

maxverstappen1's story

Seen by landonorris, schecoperez and 3,014,839 others

11 December

Liked by maxverstappen1, mv.y/nupdates and 301,294 others

wranglernfr: NFR 2023 Champion y/n y/l/n⚡️Despite sticking to her famous but controversial cowboy hat, y/n becomes the 65th winner in Las Vegas at just nineteen, beating the runnerup and last year’s champion Billy Youngster!

View all 1,778 comments

user47: SHE DID IT!!!! 💪🔥

user48: i’m bursting with pride i’m so happy for her 🥰🥰🥰

mv.y/nupdates: two world champions this is almost too good to be true 😭❤️

user49: their christmas is gonna be one helluva party

user50: well deserved, that billy kid had it coming

user51: he only won last year because of dumb luck!

user52: FACTS

user53: this year we have a winner who’s worthy of the title ❤️

user54: can’t get over how y/n was so far up ahead they literally couldn’t disqualify her for the hat thing lol

user55: imagine if they had, people would have rioted

user54: omg they would have, with max at the front hoisting his pitchfork in the air, leading the pack

user55: 😂😂

11 December

Liked by maxverstappen1, fernandoalo_oficial and 1,219,748 others

y/n: Cowboy hat + racing gloves = champions of the world 🏆

View all 4,193 comments

maxverstappen1: ❤️

sophiekumpen: So proud of both of you 🥰

victoriaverstappen: Coolest auntie (en oom natuurlijk🙊)!!!

Liked by y/n

landonorris: Congrats on making champion, champ!!! And wow… Max has got his own hat 👀

y/n: Yup! He deserved it after his triple US win 😍

charles_leclerc: Does this mean that your hat claim has lifted…?

maxverstappen1: Unless you want another inchident, back off

y/n: Uhm... He knows what it means now…

charles_leclerc: 😳

alex_albon: RIP Charles Marc Hervé Perceval Leclerc 🪦

Liked by maxverstappen1 and y/n

12 December

Liked by y/n, landonorris and 1,182,853 others

maxverstappen1: Wear the hat…

Comments have been disabled

12 December

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a/n: translation of “en oom natuurlijk” > “and uncle ofcourse”

Happy holidays! x

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#request #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen x pbr reader #max verstappen x female reader #max verstappen x y/n #max verstappen x you #f1 x reader #formula 1 x reader #f1 x y/n #max verstappen smau #max verstappen fake instagram #max verstappen fake social media #formula 1 smau #formula 1 fanfic #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen fic #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen blurb #season of champions

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nyctodromist · 10 months

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Hello, average person here! What do you love most about Cultist Simulator/the Mansus/Glory/Nowhere/Hours-From-Light, Stone, Blood, Flesh, Nowhere/Names/Long/Know/Occultists/Locations?

(What's a Suppression Bureau aha dw pls speak freely and at length we are all I am seated and listening)

hi! oh boy, that is a lot to talk about.

i'm sure i don't know what you mean by a "suppression bureau" either, so let's just take it from the top, shall we?

my favorite things about cultist simulator are easily the writing and the lore. the way this game is written is like nothing else i've ever seen and it is so magical to me. i don't have much to say coherently, i just love the writing style this game has. and the lore! the fucking LORE! this universe is so fucking wild! story and lore are pretty much always the most important thing to me when i'm getting into new media, and cultsim's grabbed me as soon as i started looking into it. it's so interesting!! there's so much to chew on!! i am rolling it around in my brain at all times!! studying the secret histories is not enough i need them injected into my veins

for one thing, i absolutely love the mansus in general. Fucked Up Houses are one of my favorite things in fiction, and i think the mansus definitely qualifies as a Fucked Up House, though it might be more subtle in that status than other ones that come to mind (but still associated with the color blue, huh?). in terms of actual locations, i'm particularly fond of the orchard of lights, the malleary, and the wood! the malleary has one of my favorite quotes in the game:

my favorite door is the spider's door. no particular reason, just vibes

oh, and while not part of the mansus, i'm really interested in the house of the moon! like what the fuck is even going on with that. why is there a mirror realm to the mansus? why is the fucking wheel there? also i love the meniscate forever and ever she is so lovely

(also, what's the meniscate's relationship with the wheel? i was always confused about why the meniscate was the hour who favored you if you balanced heart and moth in dancer since she didn't seem to have anything to do with those principles, until i remembered that the wheel still turns in the house of the moon and the wheel's aspect was probably heart/moth combined, so if you balanced them, in a way you would have the wheel's principle, but the ascension itself doesn't seem to have anything to do with him, so how does the meniscate actually factor into that? but i digress.)

the glory? yes. yesyesyesyesyes! hi. did you know i'm moth-aligned? did you know i'm literally a moth therian? holy shit. yes. please.

base instincts aside, i love all corrupting horrors, but blinding light is definitely up there in my favorite kinds of corrupting horrors. also, gameplay benefits aside (i do not know how to live without a position at the institute), this is why physician is my favorite legacy:

i think this specific description of the glory is what really captivated me and made me fall in love with it. there is so much warmth in these words

i have nothing intelligent to say about nowhere. There's Fucking Worms. i like worms. perhaps not these worms. i imagine them learning to work people from the inside is like what happened to jane prentiss in the magnus archives, except a lot less fun for the person involved, because these worms do not love you. while we're on the topic, though, here's something i've been thinking about:

the applebright has a library!! i want to see her library!! and yes, i understand that doing so is probably an objectively bad idea given that she is a god-from-nowhere, but i want to see her library nonetheless. this seems like the type of thing that could go very wrong very quickly, and i can't wait to see what kind of wrong it is

hours i love, in no particular order: the moth, the mother of ants, the lionsmith, the meniscate, the flowermaker, the forge of days, of course the sun-in-splendor, and most recently the sun-in-rags. i don't know if there's anything about him specifically, i've just been rotating him in my brain lately. say what you will about poppy lascelles, but i think the sun deserves nice things every once in a while, he's been going through it

do the followers fall under the "occultists" category? neville and enid are so so precious to me, i love knock, i love them, i am holding them so gently in my hands. valciane is also one of my favorites and do i honestly have to explain why. look at her. LOOK AT HER. FUCK! and also ysabet because she's moth and she's aro and non-monogamous to me. this woman is never going to have any kind of conventional relationship nor has she ever wanted one. ysabet does whatever ysabet wants. i feel so much solidarity with her. literally me too

my favorite locations in the wake are the ecdysis club and morland's shop (and by extension, rooms behind a bookshop, which is my favorite headquarters). ecdysis was my discord handle for several months just because of the club and i was so mad when the username change hit and someone else got it before me lmao. i don't think i have strong opinions on any of the vaults other than the obligatory Fuck The Boat. port noon is chill but i could never i am so invested in the hours

#bernie talks #asks #cultist simulator #I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE QUESTIONS THOUGH!!

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brightgnosis · 9 months

Text

I honestly hate Homemaking and general Household and Spousal culture in the United States. Because our benefits through my Husband's work is doing a "Dependency Audit" the next two months and we have to resubmit "proof" of our status. Which isn't really a big deal except not only do we have to resubmit proof that we're married (normal), we also have to provide "proof of joint financial obligation and dependency"- specifically a document like "a shared Mortgage Statement or Utility Bill" (absolutely unhinged).

Like ... Not only do we not have any formally "qualifying" bills that we could submit as proof right now to begin with specifically because we live with my In Laws, and everything is under their name because it's their house ... Even when we did have the kind of bills that would qualify for this? We didn't even put our names on bills jointly then, and we never have to begin with.

The car is entirely in his name. Insurance is in his name. The house utilities were all in my name when we had them. We don't have a cell phone contract, we have Pay-As-You-Go (because screw Cellphone Carriers and their contracts and how they love to fuck you over). And we don't do credit cards (because scre Credit Card companies and their contracts and how they love to fuck you over) ... We have a joint bank account, and that's it; the Bank Account and the House (before we sold it; we haven't owned it in like 2 years at this point) ... Those have been the only two things we've ever actually had jointly in both names at the same time.

Mostly because I'm the only one that handles that stuff and he doesn't handle any of it at all. So why bother putting his name on anything (especially when things like Utilities will allow you to make the payment regardless of whose name's on the account)? But also because sometimes having us both on there dings us negatively because of my credit (thanks, history of abusive partners; we've fixed his credit. We have never seen a point in fixing mine, and I still don't). So for things like the Car, it was way cheaper to just put it all in his name, and we were more likely to actually get the financing. Especially when they're the things he's the one using and dealing with most often anyways.

We literally pre-talked all of this over before we ever even made these decisions. We decided this together, and it's just easier and makes the most logical sense to us? But for some asinine reason, the way spousal culture in this country works, everything is supposed to be jointly held together I guess, and there's no allowances for couples who aren't living alone (among a million other problems with my suddenly having to prove "Joint Financial Dependency"- which just makes zero sense as a whole concept in the first place because I have a legally binding American court document that literally says we are legally married and they're required to provide me with all of his benefits regardless of our status, because I am his legal Spouse. Like, that is literally part of the entire point of getting this stupid piece of legal paper).

But apparently I gotta prove "Joint Financial Dependency"! And now if I don't find a way to pull a qualifying document out of thin air within the month, I get kicked off his insurance and lose everything I'm legally entitled to having on account of us being married in the first place. And guess who's the one out of the two of us with the debilitating illness who can't actually afford to have that happen!

The most frustrating part of this is that the "head's up" letter we got from his company today? Doesn't actually list any contact information or the name of the "outside company" who will be doing the audit. Just an abbreviation of their name in a tiny little blurb about how "they'll send out more information once the audit starts". So we can't even call anyone to ask if there's any kind of exceptions, or what alternative documentation we could give. So the entire point of giving us a two week long head's up is completely wasted!

Not to mention the audit starts at the exact same time that I have to start appearing for my first ever call in for appearance for Jury Duty in 15 years of adulthood- which honestly just adds a whole extra level of stress to that whole situation. And it's incredibly annoying that I'm going to have to do both at once because for some absolutely ridiculous reason I can't contact the company until the audit starts.

I'd really like to ring someone's neck for this. It's absolutely unhinged.

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lesbiancolumbo · 2 years

Note

Love to hear your thoughts on Martin McDonagh's movies. I'm excited for Banshees but I don't know much about his work outside of watching In Burges years ago. People are saying Banshees is par for the course for his writing and as you're the only film buff I trust I'd love to hear your unfiltered opinion on his work

unfiltered? ok but you asked for it lmao

i think three billboards outside ebbing, missouri is the worst film of the last ten years. an absolute atrocity on almost every level. one of the worst screenplays ever, just an absolute hamfisted mess. sam rockwell winning that oscar is one of the most criminal moves in the entire history of the academy - i know that's saying a lot, but i'm sorry, he is horrible in this. i don't even want to talk about woody harrelson in this either lmao. frances is fine, probably even good, but she's not given anything better to work with - her Big Scene too is just SO overwrought and like. ugh. flames on the side of the face. this movie sucks. i think that people embraced this as much as they did is so telling about like, the state of hollywood and what people think qualifies as good writing/a good performance.

i am editing this post to just link to a review i pretty much am in complete agreement with. it outlines all of the just plain UGLINESS of this fucking film. the hate i have for it goes all the way to the marrow.

i'm working my way backwards here because that's the path my brain is taking me on. i think seven psychopaths is a gross, misogynistic film, and i hate it too, though the one thing it has going for it over billz is that i haven't seen it since literally 2012. i also don't find it as egregious as billz either - it's just your run of the mill ha ha hee hee it's funny when women get shot and die bc they're bitches and whores misogyny.

the thing is, i like in bruges, or i should say, i liked in bruges when i first watched it more than a decade ago. knowing what i know now about this man and the way he writes, i don't know if i'll continue to love it!!!! lbr!!!!!! and honestly i have to wonder if what i do like about mcdonagh's films is the writing or the performances he gets out of his actors.... but also how much of that is him as a director? we know colin farrell can act. we know brendan gleeson and ralph fiennes and frances mcdormand can act. i could probably direct a good performance out of them, and i have no experience in that area. so idk.

i am excited to see banshees (i love a breakup movie lmao) and have plans to go when my market gets it in a couple of weeks, but hearing people say it's par of the course writing-wise for mcdonagh really worries me! because i think par for the course for him is sexism but in a script just good enough to make people go "but it's so good! i can overlook the way women are treated!" which like lmao good for you but i'm over that. so who knows. the premise intrigues me, people i trust like it, etc. HOWEVER....... the big thing people are saying is that the performances are good. which, see above. so i think it probably will be another typical martin mcdonagh movie in my esteem. however i'm happy to be proven wrong! just not expecting from him at this point

the best martin mcdonagh movie is actually a movie that his brother john michael mcdonagh made, a beautiful and haunting little movie called calvary (2014) that i couldn't recommend highly enough.

#asks #i don't know if you thought you would be poking a sleeping bear with this ask lmao i have SO Many thoughts on that man and none are good #him hating blonde was SO ironic considering his movie is just as bad #also PWB dating him is both depressing and unsurprising #also i have no opinion on this man's plays i haven't read any and i'm sure you can understand why i have been reluctant to

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the-countessa · 2 years

Text

Regarding the Monarchy and Government of the UK

So, with the Queen passing on, the major divide in my country has risen to the surface with a vengeance; pro and anti monarchy.

I, personally am a wee bit of a royalist. It's the tradition, the pomp and ceremony, it's a fairytale. But just because something is a tradition, doesnt mean it's right. The parades, palaces etc cost us the people millions. And fairytales arent as cute as Disney makes it look. I see where the anti-royality lot are coming from. Andrew should have been thrown in jail, absolutely, and the news of cancer treatment appointments and funerals being postponed, if true, is disgusting. And yes, absolutely, there is the colonial history and backwards institution to also be noted. I'm not blind to any of this; maybe I'm just a little bit of a child by getting distracted by gowns and jewels.

But I hate how democratic governments are run; a bunch of people in a room taking so long to decide what's best for everyone else, and invariably working for their own gains more than the people.

Way I see it, one arsehole on a throne is quicker than a room of people arguing, and its easier to deal with one arsehole that a hundred or so.

Yes, one person in absolute power has also been shown to be a terrible idea.

Basically, in my opinion, both are massively flawed.

So, idea on how to reform it for efficiency and also (I think) democratically.

I will throw in here now that I havent slept for a while so I dont pretend that this is a good idea or a well thought out idea, and I havent put enough thought into this to be critical towards my idea. Also, I know I am so not qualified to say this is a good idea.

So, King Charles III should totally stay as king, it's easier and would be a simple option to begin with. Next, tear up the monarchy and parliament. So we have Charles as head of state, and all decisions are his. Next, we formulate a committee by lottery; individuals volunteer to be part of a Hall of Advisors (or something, I dunno) but basically there should be 100 people who have power to veto or put forward ideas. Say Charles wants to, I dunno, increase taxes, the advisors would literally advise on this, how much by, for whom and where the tax brackets lie. This is what Charles uses to create the proclamation, its then put before the country for a super simple yes or no vote, majority wins.

Now, these 100 selected by lottery; you put your name forward with your earnings, qualifications and work experience, etc, and all these names are grouped, I dunno, by "class"- benefit, working, middle and upper. No more than 10 of the selected are from the upper class, and then 30 of each of the others. This should ideally result in a committee made up of a diversity and fair representation; a retired nurse, a practising relationship estate lawyer, someone from the armed forces, someone who works weekends at Tesco whilst studying, single parents, those with disabilities, a 76 year old granny and a 22 year old student of drama. Just a wholly random collection of individuals, the only criteria being fhey must be between the ages of 21 and 80, and pass a basic competency test and psychological examination. Each serve for a max term of 5 years, they are payed national minimum wage (but housing is covered during their tenure coz relocation is a cow) once your five years is up you're done.

Now say after 15 years Charles passes on, who is to take on the role of person in charge. I'm thinking those above individuals who have completed their term. The sitting advisors vote on who they would most like to see; those who have shown a good track record. The top 5 or 10 are then put forward to the people who will vote on who they wish to take on that leadership role. They do not campaign, only their previous advice and votes are shown the people; so it isnt a bunch of promises made that lands you the job, but your history and track record.

So, who ever takes the top spot is then the one in charge, and every 5 years, we the people vote on whether we are ok with that person, or if they should be bounced and new candidates put forward

As I say, I haven't slept in 24hrs barring a 2hr nap so I can promise you this hasnt been well thought out and i am being so lazy in my explanation, but hopefully you get the gist. I dunno

#government #uk politics #monarchy #parliament #democracy #democratic #just a thought

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troynovant · 2 months

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me using this site as a weird semi-public diary

I'm trying to take stock of my life and it's an odd inventory. I'm 32, I have an Ivy League degree and and Ivy League Ph.D. Both, unfortunately, are in English literature. I have a job that affords me a good deal of respect in the sense of cultural capital but very little renumeration in the sense of actual capital. I am also completely at the mercy of an academic department that can, at any moment, simply not rehire me; for all I know it won't rehire me in the fall. I have enough savings to last about a year if I find myself unemployed. My employment prospects are altogether somewhere between mixed and grim. I am highly qualified for a profession that no longer exists and over-qualified for most others. I have repeatedly failed to gain any form of long-term work in my field, live with two housemates, and have to replace those housemates whenever they move out. I am materially comfortable in most other regards.

Socially, I'm really very lucky: I have lots of friends, far more than most people in their early thirties, though it's unclear if those friends, some of whom are relatively wealthy, could help me find work if things went south in my current department. Romantically, things could quite literally not be worse. It turns out, and I should have known this, that extended multi-year flirtations with men who are mostly straight and ultimately fall back upon that do not make for a satisfactory emotional life. I have almost no experience socializing with other gay men; this would have been a real surprise to me as a teenager, but my friends are, other than a few girls, primarily straight men. I take a revolting sort of pride in that even though it is at this point clearly not setting me on the path towards any sort of long-term happiness.

Physically, I think I have a nice face but am clearly out of shape. I'm proud of my hair, which is pretty healthy for a man my age even if it's thinner than it once was. You'd think, given all my hangups, that I had a weird dick or some sort of obvious physical problem but that's not the case, almost surprisingly. I have an absolute standard dick; I also have a completely crippling pornography addiction. My biggest strength, I think, is that I am smart. That sounds arrogant but I've never had much reason to doubt it. I can say the right things about books and movies and art and architecture and history and travel and even science -- I guess engineering would be my blind-spot but even then I can usually follow along. I'm good at conversation, I have character and personality, I'm not boring. People like to talk to me and I'm good with people, but this is all in the arena of socializing. I'm always a hit at parties and then spend Valentines day alone.

I know, objectively, that I could date if I wanted too -- I'm really not bad looking, and I can usually win people over in conversation -- but I'm just scared of putting myself out there. I'm scared that someone will look at me and think that I don't live up to my photos (I photograph well, basically the opposite of the more common phenomenon of a good-looking person who looks bad on camera) but my fear of rejection is equal to my fear of rejecting someone. I know, on some level, that I could never go on a date and then not go home with the other person if they were pushing for it, because whenever I'm one-on-one with someone all I can do is try to please them.

I feel like if I were to actively date I'd have to do it like this: send only the most unflattering photos so there's little chance that they'll be disappointed, get too drunk to be nervous, and just commit, in advance, to the idea that I'll pretty much do whatever they want regardless of whether or not I'm actually all that attracted to them. I think I would also have to make it a rule not to go on a date with anyone who is even a few degrees removed from me socially because I'd hate it for gossip to get back to my friends somehow -- "hey, apparently my friend went on a date with your friend C**** and he was drunk and weird and then kind of bad at sex" lmao truly a nightmare. But then, this is all hypothetical -- I'm so stuck in my ways, so unlikely to actually try. I think people around me have started to notice something -- I'm very spontaneous and open to new experiences, but only in ways that are somewhat superficial. I'll travel to new places, eat anything however exotic, wear whatever, try any drug given to me, try most things at least once, really, and yet in bigger ways my life never really changes. At the end of the day, I'll come back home on my own and maintain my little instagram account and nothing will change even if it looks like things have. At this point, I think my fear that my friends, family, colleagues etc. will think that I'm a loveless, sexless freak is exerting a stronger pressure on me than any actual desire for companionship, which is so characteristic of course -- again my priorities are just social. I've put all my eggs in the same basket, my social life, but I know on some level that my friends are all going to get married, have kids, move away, and basically grow up in the way that I seem to be incapable of.

#just purely rambling about my life lol trying to see if there's anything therapeutic in the act of #what is basically 'Virtual Confession'#What would Foucault say...

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disanddatmedia · 2 years

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I'm going to fucking cry,

seriously.

I have an condition, PMR is what I was told but I don't fit it exactly, and Im now in flare up #2 in this month of july, my employer is demanding a doctors note and my GP is SUPER busy, but I need to see him because he knows what these flares up are to me, he knows the history, and apparently other doctors at that office fuck me around, and if I don't get this note to stay home since I barely can stand and walk, I'm worried ill lose my shitty job, despite being the worst fucking job ive ever been at, I need it, because I've looked and theres nothing better that I can physically/qualified to do, and its sad because my current job gives out the absolute minimum compensation possible legally for a 40 hr week, i didn't even get a second fucking shirt until i was there for 1 year and 7 months, my grandfather dies? I get a max of 3 days off unpaid per year because thats the government minimum, no raises (even when i had every goddam right to ask and get one), no benefits, no fucking nothing, just minimum wage and a fuck you, and I cant find better. since the cost of gas and groceries went sky high ive been stuck at around 2000+ in visa debt (was ZERO before the price hike) because 90-97% of all that is from groceries, gas, medicine, important shit, and I have no way to pay it back, ive been spending as minimum as possible and putting as much as possible from my paycheck into it but it always goes back to 2000+, and I cant get a second job because Im already maxed out basically from my other job.

I was told by my doctor that I have to have less stress in my life ad maybe it will be less often that i get flare ups. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO DO THAT! I kmow he means well and hes probably right but how the fuck am i suppose to do that? my biggest stresses are (in order): Financial, work/job, mental health. Im not able to get any fucking help with fucking any of it (even mental health, to see a psychologist, it be almost a year, when i asked if i could any sooner, i was told that it is usually 5 year wait)

And ill be honest, if i wasn't renting from my sister but instead a random fuck, i be homeless by now, my rent is cheap because theyre not looking to make money off of me and she cares bout me. but if i had a random? rent be higher and i wont be able to pay for it unless i literally straved.

there is no freedom in being poor, only pain, suffering, and hell.

I get told to get a better job, but fucking how? there is nothing.

i get told to get a second job, how? i can barely make it through the 8 hour shift 5 days a week.

i get told to go back to school, how? Im already in debt with the bank so they're not going to want to loan to me, also i cant even get my mental health controlled which includes learning disabilities, and then its also a matter of what i can actually get into because its been like 9 years since i was in school, i didn't do that well, and im not going to get accepted into anything unless it too is a job thats minimum wage

i get told to be smarter with money, I can't exactly do more than I already am, im doing everything i can to get out and its not happening anytime soon (also owe my father 2000, at least he understands my shit position)

go talk to a mental health worker? Im trying, i cant afford paid therapy and psychologist so i have to wait forever for one i can see for free

this is not living, this is not getting by, this is suffering, and this suffering is from higher ups in government and corporations, they do not care how im doing until i am camped outside there area, which it will be only to kick me out and destroy my shit

cons dont care, its always "get a better job, pull yourself up by the bootstraps" but their is no fucking bootstraps, and my body is getting more and more fucked to where if there was straps and if it was possible to do it in general, my body is too weak to do so

living and existence is suffering in hell with no way out

i hope to find an out but im very doubtful at this point that their will be

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autumn-foxfire · 2 years

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Do you ever just have a favorite background character? Not the way people sometimes mistake the term for a side character, but an honest BG character, because I'm currently re-introduced to my love for this poor college aged dude (sorta, he's a prodigy but eventually reaches age 24 time passes by the arc) who just wants to write his thesis and work on inventions but he ended up friends with the main character and now keeps getting dragged into plot shenanigans and he can't fight at all lol.

(+) It's extra funny because the main character and their friends are younger than him and the adults of this manga are just picks you up like a sack of potatoes "well since the protag isn't here, guess you're my partner for this fight!" lmao pls he is literally Just Some Guy he doesn't have your muscles. And when he cried because his talents lie in technology but he couldn't use it to help everyone in the final battle because the bad guys hacked it 🥺 ouch, but he got things working again!! (+) FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION THE BEST PART he has a permanent :3 face and that is adorable like yes I'm laughing at how the universe never gives him a break and instead gets him involved with more new protags and world-ending crisis and attacked because he stole magical gems from the villains (boy why did you) and he's looks ridiculously out of place in the battle ready group pic, but how many character do you know that have this old 2000s era emoticon as part of their design :3 :3 :3 splendid (+) I just remembered one more detail that I think will be your favorite but he has a pet fox 🧡 that fox is so baby and totally failed at stopping intruders, but luckily the intruder was on their side (and convinced him to break privacy laws For The Good Of Everyone and making sure the protag everyone is relying on is still alive and hunt them down) but the baby fox DID manage to defeat a grown man once so I guess that counts for something in him being useful on the battlefield lol (+) I know I keep sending too many asks about this but there's so much I forgot and I'm re-reading and everytime I come across a new panel I- 🤣 this war veteren really walked up to my blorbo like "you're a college boy, YOU come up with a strategy" whose just "they don't teach you this in college?!" someone pls spare him LMAO I swear he just wants to write his thesis, not get nearly killed every time he steps outside his cottage.

Background giving you brainworms is both the worst and the best as you can rely on fandom not making them extremely ooc but you also find close to 0 content on them.

Are you sure he isn't a side character though, he sounds like one? Or does he not appear enough to qualify as one. Anyway the pet fox sounds adorable and I am insanely jealous. I want a pet fox T-T Also permanent :3 face is an amazing character design and it should be done more.

I think the only character that's given me brainworms like this was Giotto from KHR because I was absolutely fascinated with him and his history (which he was responsible for why KHR even exists as he created the organization that the protagonist is fated to lead).

#personal #thanks for the ask!!

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thelostgirl21 · 3 years

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For those of you still arguing that Kaidan does not outrank Shepard as an Alliance Officer during the Citadel Coup...

...he does.

Actually, being a Staff Commander in ME2, Kaidan Alenko was already outranking Shepard when they met on Horizon.

First, it is important to understand that, while inspired by it, the Human Systems Alliance does not use the exact same ranking system as the U.S. Navy / Marines. [Edit: I've fixed some (hopefully, most!) of the "he/him/himself" pronouns I'd missed the first time around... And that was... like... 90% of the time I was referring to Shepard. *Facepalms* Sorry about that! I'm so used to writing for M!Shep, that I instinctively say "he/him/himself" when referring to them (and my brain does the weird French thing of including the feminine into the masculine while proofreading, apparently!). If you still spot a non gender-neutral pronoun in there, please feel free to let me know.]

Therefore, according to the System’s Alliance’s own ranking system (that can be found in the game’s codex entries; I’ve also added that information at the bottom of this post, with in-game examples) the rank of Major (and, in ME2, Staff Commander) is above that of a Lieutenant Commander (Shepard’s own Alliance military rank) within the Alliance.

It is the rank of an Alliance Captain (Navy), not that of an Alliance [Lieutenant] Commander (Navy & Marines), that is considered as being the equivalent of that of an Alliance Major (Marines).

Meaning that, by the beginning of ME3, Major Alenko has now risen through the ranks to the point where he holds a similar level of responsibility within the Systems Alliance as Captain Anderson used to hold in ME1. At the very beginning of ME1, Captain Anderson was a Navy Captain, and the Commanding Officer (C.O.) of the SSV Normandy.

Lieutenant Commander Shepard was his Executive Officer (X.O.).

And Staff Lieutenant Alenko was head of the ship's Marine detail*

By the beginning of ME3, Major Alenko is now a Marine Major, and the Commanding Officer (C.O.) of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company, a covert operations unit of the Systems Alliance.

*Note: I just discovered yesterday what “Marine detail” means, and I just have to say Kaidan’s position on the Normandy is ridiculously cool!

Basically, it’s Kaidan’s job to determine which personnel position, assignment, or duty station each Marine should have on the Normandy. While basing his decisions on the person’s professional milestones, taking into consideration the Marine’s personal aspirations and stated preferences, considering their marital status / family lives and responsibilities outside of the military, evaluating whether they have the proper qualifications for the job or require further training, looking at performance reviews...

They are described as the Marine’s “advocate”, trying to make sure that not only are they the “best Marine” for what their actual job requires, but that it’s the job that will bring said Marine the greater level of work satisfaction / align with their needs and personal ambitions.

So basically, after Jenkins was KIA at the beginning of ME1, it was Kaidan’s job to find a suitable replacement to take over his duties on the ship.

So, after Shepard wakes up in the medbay, and expresses that they’re glad that Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was still on the Normandy, because she’s a good soldier that deserves it, and Captain Anderson answers them: “Lieutenant Alenko agrees with you. THAT’S WHY I added her to our crew.”

He literally means “After seeing her in action, Lieutenant Alenko reviewed her file, checked her qualifications, past performance reviews, family status, her documented professional aspirations and stated preferences, numerous past (denied) applications for a transfer to a shipboard posting, and based on his very own assessment of Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, determined that she was the single best Marine in the System’s Alliance for the open position we now had on the ship.”

I’d always assumed that Kaidan had more or less informally gone “Gunnery Chief Williams was really impressive down there! Maybe we could use her!”

And Captain Anderson had essentially gone: “Sure! Why not? We’ve got an open position. Let’s keep her!”

But I’d all but forgotten that, with Nihlus dead, there was absolutely no Spectre on board that ship at that point in the story, and they were thus likely bound by the System’s Alliance rules and protocols when it came to handing out assignments to fill the vacant positions available on the Normandy.

It’s therefore highly likely that whoever was in charge of the ship’s Marine detail (in this case, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko), would have had access to a list of applications of suitable candidates that had expressed an interest in serving on that ship.

And that, whenever there was a position vacancy, or a need to add a new position on the Normandy, then the head of the ship’s detail would have the responsibility of taking a good look at those candidatures, and selecting the very best suited Marine for the job.

As a Spectre, Commander Shepard might have had the level of authority required to spontaneously go: “they followed me home, I’m keeping them!”

But Captain Anderson most certainly did not. And, while he was the Normandy’s C.O. (meaning that he’d likely have the final say on whether or not Ashley got the position)...

Well, the person officially in charge of finding someone to fill the position left vacant after Jenkin’s passing - after having carefully reviewed Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams candidature against those of other potentially qualified System’s Alliance soldiers - was literally Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko.

And one would assume that the reason why Kaidan got his own position as head of the ship’s Marine detail, would be because he’d be considered as being very proficient at determining whether or not a given soldier is going to be the right fit for their job, and the best asset for their team.

So, when Captain Anderson tells Shepard that the reason he added her to the crew was because Lieutenant Alenko believed she was a good soldier that deserved a position on the Alliance’s most advanced starship, that was because it was Kaidan’s job to make such decisions.

He had to choose which Marine in the System’s Alliance would take over Jenkin’s duties, and he chose Ash. Kaidan’s the reason Ashley was assigned to Captain Anderson (and later, Commander Shepard)’s ship. He’s the one that made it happen and allowed her to advance in her career.

Should Commander Shepard have tried to do the same (i.e. be the one to request Gunnery Chief Williams assignation to the Normandy, in a context where Ashley wouldn’t already have been added to the team while they were out cold); then Captain Anderson’s most likely answer would have needed to be: “I’ll let Lieutenant Alenko know about your commendation, but he’s not done reviewing candidatures and making his choice among them yet.“

I don’t understand how anyone can call Kaidan “boring”. He's such a layered, fascinating character...

As he once told Shepard:

“I’m an enigma. I’ve got skills.”

Yes, yes you do... and, over 10 years later, I’m still discovering some skill-sets that you have that I’d never even suspected before!

And boy, am I pissed we'll never get to know about your run in with the vorcha mafia, five thousand credits, and a bottle of whiskey!

Still, no wonder Anderson was so adamant on Major Alenko being the one offered the Command of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company.

Besides his very own unique history as a L2 and ability to relate to those kids, he apparently has an eye for military talents, and he likely trusted him to be a very good judge of character when it came to assessing whether those young biotics would be a good addition to the Company, and able to handle working with the rest of a team while on high risk missions without needlessly further endangering their teammates.

However, as a Spectre, when operating under Council authority, both Commander Shepard and Major Alenko are no longer bound by the Alliance military’s chain of command.

And it seems that most players do not realize it, but when Captain Anderson stepped down as the SSV Normandy’s C.O., Shepard did not receive a promotion within the Alliance military in terms of overall rank; but exclusively one regarding their position in regards to their assignment.

They went from being the ship’s Executive Officer (X.O.) to the ship’s Commanding Officer (C.O.), but they still remained an Alliance Lieutenant Commander, regardless of the position they held on the SSV Normandy itself.

I’m thus guessing that Shepard dying so shortly after the Battle of the Citadel, had prevented them from being promoted to the rank of Staff Commander (or even Captain / Major).

And then, in all of the investigations surrounding their claims of having been dead for 2 years, brought back to life through Cerberus technology, the time they spend working with them to hunt down the Collectors, Shepard destroying a batarian system (Arrival), the time they spent in detention between ME2 and ME3 after having been stripped of their rank, etc. Well, I’m guessing the Systems Alliance never thought to offer them a promotion, either.

At the beginning of ME3, the Normandy SR-2 has been recovered by the Alliance, and is intended to be used by Admiral Anderson (who would have become the SR-2′s Commanding Officer).

With Earth and the Alliance Headquarters under Reapers attack, Admiral Anderson chooses to reinstate Commander Shepard’s rank as a Lieutenant Commander within the Systems Alliance instead, and puts them in charge of his ship (thus, stepping down, once more, as the Normandy’s C.O. in favor of Commander Shepard).

Therefore yes, Commander Shepard is not as highly ranked an Alliance Officer as Major Kaidan Alenko is. However, they were given an assignment as the Commanding Officer of the Normandy SR-2 by Admiral Anderson.

Meaning that, after the Citadel Coup, when Commander Shepard offers Major Alenko a position among the Normandy SR-2′s crew, accepting that position means agreeing to recognize, and respect, Shepard’s authority as the ship’s C.O. as well.

Regardless of Kaidan technically becoming the highest ranking Systems Alliance Officer on board the Normandy SR-2, the position as the Normandy’s C.O. was given to Commander Shepard by Admiral Anderson.

So, if Major Alenko has a problem working under the authority of a lesser ranked officer as part of a Lieutenant Commander’s crew, then it is his responsibility to either refuse the offer and request another assignment (something that Kaidan can do in the game, actually - he can be the one to turn down Shepard’s offer), or take it up with Admiral Anderson, to try to request a change in leardership.

What I also find particularly interesting, with how those scenes play out, is that in both versions where Kaidan doesn’t join the Normandy’s crew, he shakes Shepard’s hand, but does not salute them.

Otherwise, after the handshake, when Shepard tells him “Welcome aboard, Major”, Kaidan straightens up and tells them “Aye aye, sir / ma’am” with a military salute, therefore acknowledging Shepard’s position as his new C.O.

Essentially, Major Kaidan Alenko is not bound by rank to obey Commander Shepard’s orders or accept to serve on their ship...

It is only once he CHOOSES to join the Normandy’s crew and take that offered position that there is this obligation for him to respect that Commander Shepard is the acting C.O. of the Normandy, and that they report directly to Admirals Anderson and Hackett.

As a Spectre, they report directly to the Citadel Council.

And so does Kaidan. I’m guessing that, should he ever wish to leave the Normandy, he’s got the required authority to do so, and would simply need to ask Admiral Anderson or Admiral Hackett for a new assignment.

He may discuss his decision with Commander Shepard first, out of respect. But I doubt that Commander Shepard could try to force him to stay and continue to work under the Command of a lesser ranked Alliance officer if he wished to leave the ship.

The only known people that could deny his request for a transfer within the Alliance would be either Anderson or Hackett.

And, as a Spectre, he could very well go “yeah, screw this! I’m out!”

So yeah, his being willing to take orders from Commander Shepard, and join the Normandy as a member of his crew regardless of him being a higher ranked officer in the Systems Alliance, only highlight the amount of trust and respect he has in Commander Shepard’s abilities and leadership.

Knowing Kaidan, he likely values Commander Shepard as his C.O. based on the man’s actual military, leadership, combat qualifications and training, rather than rank. Not to mention his ability to recognize their more personal, human qualities, how much they care for their crew, and Kaidan’s own willingness to help them share the burden that’s been put on their shoulders.

I think that, in order to gain Kaidan’s respect and have him gladly follow you, you need to use the power you’ve been given by whatever position or status you hold for the benefit of those serving under you, and/or those under your responsibility, rather than try to dominate and overpower others with it.

Kaidan won’t hesitate to call Udina “a bastard” for what he perceives as him “selling them out”, express dissent when a superior officer is out of line, question the motives of those in charge, and often flirt with insubordination.

He’s one of the most NEUTRAL good characters of the series - letting his integrity dictate his actions first and foremost, rather than being strictly and rigidly bound by ranks, rules, or protocols.

His main source of worry, when it comes to Shepard potentially cutting corners, appears to be the price that THEY may have to pay in the aftermath.

He seems more concerned about the Council or the Alliance openly using Shepard as a scapegoat if things go south, and/or disavowing their actions and leaving them without support, rather than over Shepard themselves breaking the law in such a way that they would make innocent people suffer.

I've always seen him as trying to make Shepard understand that they won't let them go down alone with the ship, figuratively (and perhaps event literally speaking... He sure tried in ME2 until Shepard reminded him that the rest of the crew were also in need of his assistance and counting on them to keep them safe) and share the responsibility of the decisions Shepard makes as long as he also supports them.

And yeah, Kaidan did put his own happiness first when it came to breaking the rules of fraternization.

He even says that the galaxy will just keep going and the only thing that will never happen again is them. And that they are what's most important in that moment.

If it wasn't for how very lucidly attached to the Alliance he is (he sees the flaws, but still considers that the Alliance does more good than harm overall, and is proud of being an Alliance soldier / officer), I'd almost have been tempted to put him into chaotic good territory.

He's dedicated to "doing what's right" (the principle of goodness itself) and acting with integrity, but not so much to "honoring human / citadel laws" or even moral codes per say.

His moral code is very much about remaining true to your own ideals and who you are in a way that promotes the greater good, and allows you to be at peace with your actions. And he's seen constantly questioning his perspective of good and wrong in the world, and adapting what acting with integrity truly means to him (for example, when he was trying to come to terms with the fact that Cerberus scientists could also be good people).

So, I very much consider him someone that is more Neutral (chaotic leaning) good, than Neutral (lawful leaning) good.

Rules and institutions need to make sense and serve a useful purpose to him, and avoid getting in the way of him doing what he believes to be right according to his own personal moral compass that no one dictates him but himself. Otherwise, screw the rules!

It may also be good to remember that Spectres have absolutely no command structure. To prove themselves to the Council, they have to demonstrate both exceptional abilities and self-reliance. If they thought that Major Kaidan Alenko would be the type to defer to Commander Shepard’s judgment based on seniority and rank alone, I’m guessing the Council never would have agreed to grant him Spectre status in the first place.

Yeah, Councillor Udina was the one that submitted his candidature, but he couldn’t have actually granted him Spectre status without the Asari, Turian, and Salarian Councillors’ approval.

Meaning that they all saw something in his service history that made them go “Yeah, this is a guy that can totally go rogue, disrespect orders, and do whatever must be done for the sake of the greater good of the galactic community if need be.”

People that see him as some sort of “whiny, Alliance lapdog” seem to forget that we are talking about a 17-year-old kid that continuously got in trouble with Vyrnnus for talking back (to the point where he started punishing the other kids to get to him), found a way to hack communications on the station to secretly contact his parents on Earth, after having been explicitly forbidden to do so, and angrily stood up to Vyrnnus after Vyrnnus crossed a line while bullying more vulnerable than himself.

Commander Vyrnnus taught Kaidan that some would-be leaders only cared about holding power over others, and were not worthy of being respected nor followed.

Major Alenko simply is not someone that can easily be intimidated into obeying orders, and/or be impressed by power or rank. What will make him “fall in line”, is the belief that the one giving the orders is the very best suited person for the job.

So, when it all come down to it, I’m pretty convinced that he could care less about Shepard “only being a Lieutenant Commander”.

He cares about Shepard doing the right thing, and about being able to trust their leadership and intents more than anything.

And, while Kaidan Alenko may have all the required qualifications and abilities to handle his own command, too...

...this is not what makes him the happiest.

He’s a soldier. He likes getting his hands dirty. He likes being right in the center of the action, and making a tangible difference.

My own partner, whose personality often reminds me of Kaidan (or, actually, Kaidan’s personality often reminds me of him!), has been offered countless of times the job of a team supervisor or coordinator in his work as a computer programmer (systems architect).

Sure, it would come with a salary increase and some advantages...

And sure, he’s a rather assertive guy, with a talent for seeing the greater picture, quickly noticing people’s own individual strengths and resources in a team, finding ways to take full advantage of said strengths and resources while organizing the work to complement every skill-sets they have, and thinking about creative solutions to a problem that others might be missing...

But what he loves most about his work is the coding itself.

He’ll gladly offer his input (actually, nothing you do or say will stop him from voicing his opinions, suggestions, and solutions to an issue... especially if he thinks you’re being inefficient in the way you’re approaching it, and/or overlooking some variables), but the thought of actually being in charge of the whole working team all the frakking time, and having to manage complaints, conflicts, etc. - when his time would better be used in front of the computer, figuring out why something isn’t working properly - is enough to drive him insane.

He has everything it takes to be a good, efficient, more than qualified supervisor and coordinator...

...except the interest and motivation.

The things that make him happiest at the work he does, lie within the programming itself.

Similarly, I very much perceive Kaidan Alenko as being someone that has every required qualifications, skills, and abilities to be in Command of his own ship or his own squad...

...but typically prefers being a soldier, getting out there in the field and doing his work without having to handle what everyone else has to be doing on top of it.

He made an exception for Admiral Anderson by indulging him, and eventually agreeing to assume Command of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company. And, from the way he speaks about his students, it seems that the nature of his job, and his ability to connect with what they are going through and nurture their potential as soldiers, fellow “freaks”, and human beings, ended up making that command worthwhile and an overall positive and stimulating experience for him.

This is one of the many reasons why I lament the lack of interaction between Kaidan and Jack. They are both powerful biotics that were abused in the hopes of getting results and making their powers stronger. They both share a deep seated hatred of Cerberus. And they both ended up becoming teachers and mentors to younger generations of human biotics.

Beyond the potential for humor and entertainment, I think it would have been interesting to see how they might have related to each other, talked about their students, shared a few tips, etc.

But otherwise, Kaidan seems to be happiest while doing his own thing (ex: being sent to investigate certain situations for the Alliance / Council), or serving on a ship while using his skills to offer his support to his Commander, rather than being the one in charge of everybody else.

Given how he tends to be more task than ego oriented, I therefore really don’t think that he has any issues following the leadership of a Lieutenant Commander regardless of his own rank.

As long as he can trust Shepard to be a good leader and get things done, he’ll gladly let them assume command.

But during the attack on the Citadel, Commander Shepard is not Major Alenko’s C.O., as Admiral Anderson never officially assigned him to the Normandy, and after they left Earth in a hurry and headed for Mars to retrieve data, he ended up in the hospital.

If we want to argue that Major Kaidan Alenko was showing any kind of disrespect towards Commander Shepard by refusing to stand down in front of a superior officer during the Citadel coup (an argument that’s occasionally been brought up by those that highly disapprove of the confrontation)...

Well, I hate to break this to you, but per Systems Alliance military protocol, Shepard should have been the one to salute Kaidan, not the other way around.

But it simply doesn’t matter either way.

Because that confrontation was not an “Alliance Lieutenant Commander vs Alliance Major” issue.

This was very much “Spectre vs Spectre” issue.

You simply had two highly trained, experienced, and dangerous Spectre operatives that were interacting on absolutely equal footing, outside of the Alliance’s chain of command.

And they both had the exact same objective: Protect the council from Cerberus.

In the end, it all boils down to trust. And to whether or not Commander Shepard has the required empathy to understand that Kaidan Alenko has every right to be human, to have doubts, to question people’s motives - regardless of how much he loves them - and to be scared to make mistakes based on his personal feelings towards them.

Kaidan (and Ashley) have the most realistic, healthy, and human reactions that one could possibly have to someone being brought back from the dead by a terrorist organization.

On Mars, he wasn’t trying to attack or hurt Shepard.

What he clearly told them was “I’m confused, I’m scared, I do want to trust you, but I don’t know how. I’ve seen some of the abject horrors of what Cerberus is capable of doing, and the thought that they might have been using you, or are still planning to use you, against the rest of the Galaxy terrifies me. I need to know it’s really you - that you haven’t been cloned, brainwashed, or they didn’t plant a chip in your head or something - and I’m at a loss at where to even start.”

(I’m thinking that should they have discovered that Shepard had been altered in some way and/or was being manipulated by Cerberus, but was still in there somewhere, then Kaidan would have wanted to do anything he could to help free them from Cerberus’ grasp, too.)

And he has every right to feel that way, to be afraid, to be concerned, and to express it.

Actually no one owes any of their friends their “blind trust”.

If someone I strongly care about is doing something stupid or I disagree with, I fully reserve the right to oppose their actions and let them know I’m not on board with it.

I can trust that they are a good person and believe in them. But I can also occasionally distrust their judgment and whether the decisions they are making are the right ones.

So by openly verbalizing his fears and doubts, what Kaidan is actually doing is letting Shepard in. He’s reaching out for that connection they share, not shutting them down.

He’s almost desperate to try to explain to them how he feels, so they can open the dialogue and start figuring these things out together, rather than remaining alone in their little corner while allowing those fears and doubts to fester and take root.

If Shepard is able to understand that. If they can reach back towards Kaidan, show interest in getting to know each other again, rebuild trust, and work through those issues, then as I’ve already demonstrated a little while ago, getting Kaidan to stand down is so ridiculously easy it’s almost laughable.

If they do cut themselves off from Kaidan following Mars, and never reach back towards him, then they are allowing all those doubts and fears to keep on growing... thus leading to tragedy during the coup.

But yeah, anyone reasonably expecting Kaidan to just step aside the moment those doors opened (when he was fully expecting to see Cerberus operatives come out of the elevator shaft) - especially based on supposed “higher ranked offircer superiority” - is having utterly unrealistic expectations regarding Major Alenko’s personality and behavior.

Either they were too quick to dismiss him as whiny and boring, and thus kept him out out of every mission, skipped conversations, and/or quickly rushed through them without really listening and seeking to understand the character...

They are unable to perceive videogame characters as well-rounded people, but are rather exclusively seeking to immerse themselves in some fantasy world where every single person they encounter either automatically adores them or fears their superior power and influence; and those characters are something that should solely exist for their own entertainment (unlike reality, where they can more easily recognize that each of their friends have personal aspirations, opinions, thoughts, careers and dreams that exist entirely outside of themselves; and they never would realistically expect one of said friends to “drop everything” they are doing on the fly in order to blindly follow them into a private jet that’s being borrowed from a well-known right-wing terrorists organization instead).

Or, they literally have a God complex.

----------

Systems Alliance: Military Ranks (Mass Effect)

The Alliance uses a modified version of the ranking system that has been used for hundreds of years. Soldiers are classified into rank-and-file enlisted personal, experienced non-commissioned officers (NCOs), and specially trained officers.

The divide between naval personnel and ground forces (“marines”) is small. Ground units are a specialized branch of the fleet, just as fighter squadrons are. This unity of command is imposed by the futility of fighting without control of orbit; without the navy, any army is pointless. The marines, as a matter of pride, maintain some of their traditional rank titles; for example, marines have Privates and Corporals instead of Servicemen.

In ascending order of responsibility, the ranks of the Alliance are:

ENLISTED

Serviceman 3rd Class/Private 2nd Class

Serviceman 2nd Class/Private 1st Class

Serviceman 1st Class/Corporal

NCOs

Service Chief

Gunnery Chief [ex: Gunnery Chief Williams (ME1)]

Operations Chief [ex: Operations Chief Williams (ME2)]

OFFICERS

2nd Lieutenant

1st Lieutenant

Staff Lieutenant [ex: Lieutenant Alenko (ME1)]

Lieutenant Commander [ex: Commander Shepard (ME1, ME2, ME3), Commander Williams (ME3)]

Staff Commander [ex: Commander Alenko (ME2)]

Captain/Major [ex: Major Alenko (ME3); Captain Anderson (ME1)]

Rear Admiral/General [ex: Admiral Hackett (ME1)]

Admiral [ex: Admiral Hacket (ME2), Admiral Anderson (ME3)]

Fleet Admiral [ex: Admiral Hackett (ME3)]

#Kaidan Alenko #Kaidan #Mass Effect #Systems Alliance #ranking system #My Posts #My Thoughts

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porcelaintoybox23 · 2 years

Text

I’ve been perusing the discourse tags, because I hate myself, but one point I see brought up is that people are against war because “the people aren’t ready for change” or that it’s being “forced on them.” I think this point is the most concerning rebuttal honestly.

Disclaimers: before any one calls me a stan I’d like to state that I played CF fully believing El was a villain. I didn’t even side with her because I liked her. Rhea was pretty shady and I wanted to see how El went hegemon. I know it doesn’t happen on CF. El isn’t even my favorite black eagle, I just agree with her objectively more than emotionally.

CW: I do touch on racism and homophobia. if that’s something triggering for you, skip this post.

Back to the topic.

Change isn’t dependent on whether the people want it or not. If we decided to enact social change based on that, I would be in chains working on a plantation. Do you think white people were ready for a racially integrated society? Absolutely not considering the literal civil war, Jim Crow, the violence thrown at peaceful protesters, the prosecution of the black panthers, MLK’s assassination, lynchings, the KKK etc. that’s not even touching upon the laws made against Asian Americans, Japanese internment, and the attempted genocide of Native Americans.

LGBT+ people are receiving large backlash from societies that are fighting any possible change. How often do you hear complaints of diversity being forced on to them or the minorities asking for too much? Or the countries where gay/trans panic is an actual defense against hate crimes? Do you think those people are ready for societal change or want it?

Asking oppressed people to patiently wait for those in power to be ready for change accomplishes nothing. Yes I know this is ironic with El being an emperor, but Lonato shows what happens when you don’t have an entire military behind you. Which also leads into the topic of individuals and how much power they wield in a system but I don’t hate myself enough to write that 10 page paper. To dumb it down incredibly, yeah taking all of Jeff Bezos’s money would be great but ultimately meaningless without removing the system that enables people like him. It will just keep happening. Is the church the most powerful thing in Fodlan? No. But it’s wields a loft of soft power and we have seen in our own time that changes comes with resistance. Many churches in the US manipulate their congregations to vote Republican. Here’s a nice book: the power worshippers.

We have seen this time and time throughout history. For Pete’s sake, Kyle Rittenhouse is being babied by Republicans and his judge even though he broke several laws , while Julius Jone will probably be executed this Thursday.

Change is uncomfortable, even when the current system is shit, and people react violently. War isn’t good, most people agree with that, but sometimes violence is the only means to the end. Imperialism is also bad, but a United Fodlan is the end of every route. I am also not saying this isn’t concerning considering Japan’s history and the antisemitic leanings of lizard and mole people, but I am not qualified to speak on that.

You don’t have to like El or even agree with her methods, but please drop this line of thinking. I think it’s dumb that continent wide war is the only option in every route but expecting anything to be resolved without violence is incredibly shortsighted.

Edit: I know I sound dramatic but this argument is just problematic in general not just because of the game.

#fe3h #fire emblem: three houses #edelgard von hresvelg #edelgard discourse

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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re: that ask you posted a couple days ago about the male and female representation in RWBY, part of what makes RWBY's whole 'girl power' thing ring exceptionally hollow to me is the fact that there are like... no women in positions of real power in remnant. like at all. except the big bad.

winter is second in command to james. glynda is second in command to ozpin. all of the headmasters are men (for no discernible reason, imo; why theodore and not dorothea?). the leader of the ace ops was a white man (and then winter seemed to take over clover's position instead of either of the women of color on the team, and she was still second to james). RWBY is an all girl team, but JNPR was led by a boy despite a girl arguably being far more qualified (pyrrha). the happy huntresses are all women, and robyn had no real power to speak of--she didn't even manage to win the election, because jacques rigged it, and then the council ceased to matter. there was one (1) woman on the council, but she was so inconsequential that i can't even remember her name. (i suppose we're lucky it was the guy and not her who james shot lol) jacques controls the SDC instead of willow, even though he's not even a schnee by blood and actually married into the family for power. (and we don't even know how he got it over his wife.)

and then there's the white fang, which ghira led and not kali--and it's ghira who leads menagerie itself, while kali seems to be a housewife. sienna had five minutes of screentime before being brutally killed and her position assumed by adam, a man. cordovin is basically a one off lackey we haven't even thought about before or since. neo was second to roman. you have cinder, sure, who is a second but to salem, a woman, and raven as the leader of the branwen tribe--but what does it really say about your 'girl power' narrative when the only women with genuine systemic power in your world are villains or antagonists with massive bodycounts??

atla has the same sort of problem--a couple great female characters, but all the leadership positions are men (except the kyoshi warriors, an all girls group, and even then the leader of their island is an old man) and the one female mentor figure also turns out to be evil--but it at least has some great writing to help overlook that fact, and it came out in the mid-00's and so has some sort of excuse of being a product of its time. but rwby didn't even start until 2013 and it's still going and still making these kinds of decisions well into 2021.

where is this supposed girl power, exactly? am i really supposed to overlook the very patriarchal worldbuilding just because the title characters are girls?

That's an excellent summary of the situation, anon, and as with so much in RWBY, it comes down to the full context. Any one of these examples isn't necessarily going to mean much on its own. It's when you look at the pattern that you can start making a case for those conclusions: Why is the show marketed on "girl power" set in a world where men hold the vast majority of that power? And, more importantly, why is that setup not the point? We could easily have a story where that lopsided gender dynamic is the problem that the girls are looking to fix, but... that story doesn't exist. Like the problems discussed with Jaune, the supposed point here exists only on the surface. Dig just the tinniest bit — the above — and you hit on a lot of structural problems with this "girl power" world.

To add just a few details to what you've already said:

Salem indeed has power, but she's never allowed to fully use it. Each volume the frustration with this grows as Salem accumulates more abilities and then just sits on them. From literally hiding out for a thousand years to worries that she won't use the Staff in Volumes 9-10, Salem really isn't allowed to be the threat she's presented as on the surface. And yes, this is absolutely due in part to the "She's too OP and the writers don't know how to let her be that powerful while still having the heroes win" issue, but again, context. That problem doesn't exclude others occurring simultaneously.

Same double explanation with Summer. Yes, dead moms are an incredibly common trauma to dump on a protagonist, but it still left Yang and Ruby with Tai as their primary influence. And Qrow. The uncle becomes the extended family influence while Raven is the absent one/eventual antagonist. It's personal power as opposed to political power, but Tai, Qrow, Ozpin, formerly James... most of the mentors are men. Maria, a key exception, has been ignored in that regard. The story announced that she was Qrow's inspiration, setup her being Ruby's new mentor, and then... nothing. Nothing has come of that. She disappeared for a volume and then went off to Amity and was literally forgotten by the story when evacuating everyone was the finale's whole point.

Like that Endgame moment I mentioned, the Happy Huntresses feel a little too forced to me. Yes, it's the same basic idea as in ATLA, but ATLA, as you say, has a lot more going for it. The Happy Huntresses feel... on the nose? Idk exactly how to explain it. Like, "Here they are! Another team of all women! Isn't this how progressive storytelling works? Just ignore how this is a one-off team of minor characters compared to the world building issues discussed above." And if you're not paying attention, you miss just how insignificant they are, with a side of Robyn being, well, Robyn. The Kyoshi Warriors, at least, are based off of Kyoshi. A woman avatar who is a significant part of their history. That is, presumably, why they're an all women warrior group (but who notably still teach Sokka). The Happy Huntresses are all huntresses because...? There's no reason except that meta "We want to look progressive" explanation. Just like having all the women superheroes team up for a hot second so people get excited and ignore the representation problems across, what? 21 films? Don't get me wrong, I love that May is among the Happy Huntresses. I think including her in the explicitly all-women group was one of the better things RWBY has done in a long time, but the rest is still a mess.

RWBY is arguably about these smaller groups as opposed to systematic power (despite the writers trying to work that in with things like the White Fang and the election. Not to mention the implication that everything in Atlas is fine now that evil Ironwood has died and taken the symbol of wealth (the city) with him. We saw a human holding hands with a faunus after all. Racism and corruption solved, I guess.) So yes, our group is dominated by women... but Whitley is the one saving Nora, helping to defeat the Hound (plus Willow), thinking of the airships, and providing the blueprints they need to escape. Salem is our Big Bad, except Ironwood is the one the volume focuses on. Ruby is our leader, but Jaune is the one leading the group into the whale and getting praised for how heroic he is. Ren does more to shake things up, even if he's painted as the one in the wrong. Oscar gets to confront Salem and destroys the whale threat. Ozpin provides the information they need to evacuate. Meanwhile, when the girls do things in Volume 8 it's almost always followed by a long-stint of passiveness. Nora opens the door so she can be unconscious for most of the volume. Penny keeps Amity up so she can also be unconscious for a good chunk of time. Ruby sends her message and then sits in a mansion. Blake fights so she can tearfully beg Ruby to save her. Weiss, as said, takes a backseat to Whitley (and Klein). They forward the plot, absolutely, but comparatively it doesn't feel like enough.

It's that pattern then, no one specific example. More and more the personal power, not just the systematic power already built into Remnant, seems to be coming from the men. Not all the time, but enough that scenes like the tea drinking moment feel like a part of a much larger problem. Pietro taking control, Watts hacking, and Ambrosius literally remaking her when Penny is supposed to already be in control of herself and her fate. Winter being presented as the active mentor to Weiss, only to turn around and claim that Ironwood was actually responsible for everything. Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and May straight up commenting on how awful things are out there while Yang, Jaune, Ren, and Oscar lead the charge against Salem — with the latter three doing the most to forward that mission (no fear, semblance, cane). As others have only half-joked, Yang's supposedly badass moment was bringing up a mother she's ignored for six volumes and briefly blowing up the immortal woman for a couple of seconds (with Ironwood's bombs). Even Marrow is arguably the most significant Ace Op after Clover. Vine isn't actually a character, Elm slightly less so, Harriet is there to go crazy and try to drop a bomb (notably before admitting to never-before-existed feelings for Clover), but Marrow? He's the one who breaks out. Who is meant to heroically stand up against Ironwood. Who comments on how awful it is that teenagers are fighting and, regardless of how messed up the moral messages are, is supposedly pushing for active change while all the women in his group, including Winter, insist on maintaining the status quo. Look at all these choices as a whole, it makes throwaway worldbuilding choices like "All the Maidens are women" feel pretty hollow. Why does it matter if Amber is a Maiden if she dies in a flashback so Ozpin can struggle to pass on the power? If Pyrrha dies before becoming one so Jaune can angst about it? If Raven is one and then disappears from the story entirely? If Winter has enough power to break Ironwood's aura, but supposedly had no power throughout every other choice she made getting here? If Penny is one, but is continually controlled by men and then asks another man to help her die? It's just really unconvincing, once you look past the surface excitement of a woman looking cool with magic powers.

When you do consider the whole of the story — both in terms of our world building and who is forwarding the plot in the latter volumes, getting the emotional focus, being proactive, etc. — there are a lot of problems that undermine the presumed message RT wants to write. They say, "girl power" by marketing RWBY with these four women, but too many of the storytelling decisions thoroughly undermine that, revealing what's likely a deeply ingrained, subconscious bias.

#rwde #rwby #mymetas

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serene-victory-77 · 3 years

Text

Why The Crows Being Teenagers Is Actually Perfectly Realistic

There’s a TL;DR are the end because wow I like to rant.

I lightly discuss the general situations they’re all in to explore how they are frighteningly mature and competent, but it’s not particularly depressing or descriptive, it’s definitely lighter than the books

I thought about this post with a joke first: “People who think that Six of Crows is unrealistic because they’re so young clearly have not spent much time with traumatized honors students.”

It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stands.

But I decided that, hm, actually, I could make a point about this. I totally agree with the aging up of the characters in the Shadow and Bone show, but when people straight up say that the books are wrong or unrealistic for having a young crew, I get annoyed, and here’s why (other than me reading the books for the first time when I was 13 and thinking ‘Huh okay, I see it’ and now being lowkey offended when people say they ignore it for being unrealistic):

On Inej

- At first I thought Inej’s wisdom and general demeanor was one of the most unrealistic things in the book

- When I thought about it longer, I was like “Actually, she’s 16, right? I’ve sent some of the most lyrical philosophy trying to help my friends while in high school. My friends have done the same. It’s valid.”

- Frankly, teenagers love hard-hitting philosophical truths. They love repeating what they’ve read or heard in movies and in books and from family stories. They love sharing little bits of wisdom they have come up with

- Inej’s ability to hear and understand philosophy and wisdom that she was surrounded by for 14 straight years and then sit on it and elaborate it for her friends to understand, or even just to piss them off in Kaz’s case?

- Teenagers have that. They do it. So, Inej’s Wisdom passes, to me. It’s valid.

As for her being calm

- You know how everyone jokes that Kaz seems calm on the outside but when you get to his POV he’s like “What the fuck” at the Van Eck house or just straight up “Huh, is this revenge for making tree jokes” at the Djel River thingy in the Ice Court?

- Inej is like that, too. And she gets angry, and she gets confused, or exhausted.

- AKA every quiet kid ever. Like, are you kidding? Have you ever been in a situation in which it’s literally chaos all around you, people are screaming and things are being destroyed (think middle school classroom with bitchy long term substitute and even worse students), and you’re just, calm? You pick up your things, you do what you need to do?

- That’s Inej. Like, what else is she gonna do? She’s smart enough to know that panicking won’t help anyone, and so she just rides it out. Internally she might be like “Why is this happening” but frankly, her being quiet and controlled in most situations is probably a coping mechanism and I respect that

- Pretty sure this is also based on the fact that the Suli have no land for their own and constantly have to keep moving. It might align with generational trauma, I’m sure someone could explain it better than me, but being able to keep your cool while constantly having to change and adapt to new situations, in, say, a country with hellfire politics and no land to call your own? Seems like a hereditary trait that could be useful in Ketterdam, although it’s sad.

On Inej’s abilities

- Simone Biles started training when she was 6 and went to the World Artistic Gymnastics Championships when she was 16, where she qualified in all the events.

- There are videos of people walking over tightropes as young as three years old. We know Inej didn’t start that young, but not only was she naturally talented at it, but she spent a lot of time practicing. I think it’s valid. Plus, some of her family members do some pretty crazy things in her flashbacks, because that’s the whole point of what they do.

- Youngest person to beat American Ninja Warrior was 16 year old Vance Walker

- Inej has a variety of of tools that help her wall climb, and while it’s true that she started young and got good really fast, she already had a history of physical work that would help her, and from what we can gleam from the book, a surprising amount of free time in which she was actively encouraged to learn everything she could.

So that’s Inej! I think her skills are perfectly possible for someone with her history and situation. It’s true that she’s naturally skilled, but that’s not actually all that unusual. And her demeanor and wisdom do fit in with what a lot of teenagers are like and the circumstances she was brought up in

Onto Kaz!

- One thing I hear about is that Kaz is too smart for not having gone to school and also too young to know all that he does

- Do you all KNOW how many self-taught people there have been in this world? The word for people who are self-taught is autodidacts, and honestly a huge amount of famous people apply. Like many, many other people in history (there’s a whole list of them in Wikipedia), he had an vested interest in a field and he learned all he could. Sure, those fields were magic tricks and math, but still.

- Suddenly I have a lot of thoughts

- Okay, think, hyperfixations. That’s essentially what Kaz’s thing with magic tricks was, right? Have any of you ever spent time with an eight year old that clearly really, really loves dinosaurs? Those kids can spout names and facts and identify them by their skeletons and frankly know more than I ever will. Kaz’s was magic tricks. All kids are special.

- Kaz continued working on magic tricks and practicing them for years, so, I think that gets a pass.

- As for the math! Look, a Fact Of Life is that some kids are just Like That, whether it be possibly from neurodivergence or other factors:

- Flo and Kay Lyman are twins with Autism who basically have the calendar of EVER memorized. Kaz memorizing card decks is sensible, and these ladies don’t need to look up anything to figure it out, so Kaz doing sums inside his head seems plausible. His “photographic memory’ isn’t impossible, although the term itself might be incorrect.

- Katherine Johnson who worked at NASA (yes, the lady from Hidden Figures), was so good at math that she was in high school by age 10 and went to college at age 15. It’s true that she had some teaching, but 1. There’s no evidence Kaz had absolutely no schooling, even if it was just at home with books and 2. Kaz was 9 when he came to Ketterdam, and after Jordie died, when he wasn’t surviving, he was learning.

- Human calculator is a term that is applied to children a lot and there’s definitely plenty of videos showing how smart these kids are and them doing mental math easily, which he does in the books

- He had a LOT of pressure on him to figure out all he could, and if he wanted to move forward, he was going to have to learn a lot. He spent hours practicing magic tricks, for all we know he spent hours practicing math too. We know Jordie was a bit of a bookworm too, so Kaz from a young age probably already had a reason to learn. Personally, a lot of my love for books was inspired by my older sibling when I was younger

- Young people are adaptable. Kaz is incredibly adaptable. The term prodigy exists because of people like him through history.

- As for him being rational, there’s no other way to survive. Some of the greatest soldiers in history have been very, very young, and very, very smart. It’s true tacticians are generally considered to be older, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been very young ones.

- A lot of the generals I found were like, 19 years old, but Kaz is 1. not a general and 2. in a place where young people take up the mantle really, really quickly, and frankly it’s been like that for a long time. I still think this passes. This isn’t relevant but William the Conqueror was apparently called “The Bastard”?

- Frankly, underground communities of thieves probably don’t go around publishing their escapades so to me it makes sense that I can’t just look up “famous young thieves” and get anything that makes sense, but I did try

- Y’all I tried to do research on youngest escape artists since I think Kaz qualifies and I found myself in what I think is a magicians forum? It’s from 2002-ish and I feel like I’ve just found a relic. I can’t definitely prove they’re all saying the truth, but some of the people there talk about 10-11 year olds at magic camps, so, it’s not impossible for this to be a skill Kaz learned really young, particularly when he made a habit of following around magicians

- I think he passes the realism check overall

For the other Crows:

- Nina being so proficiently multilingual makes sense to me, because she’s been in the Little Palace almost her entire life with all the best teachers they could afford at her disposal. Some people just click with languages. One such would be Timothy Doner, who spoke 23 languages at 16.

- Nina is a child soldier. She of course can handle the battlefield, although I imagine there’s a degree of trauma that she has to deal with (although it’s true that most of her work was always meant to angle her towards being a spy).

- Jesper was taught to shoot from a young age by Aditi, who was likely incredibly proficient. Plus, there’s mentions of him and his father being on some sort of frontier at one point in the books, so, it’s likely that Jesper got his fair share of ‘being a child soldier” since he would’ve been 15 or younger. Plus, with being a Fabrikator, he gets a leg up

- Jesper’s smart y’all, he just also likes to have fun

- I am a little terrified by the fact that I looked up ‘youngest sharpshooter’ and found out about a 9 year old girl (Addysson “Addy” Soltau) who can indeed shoot guns, but uh, it does prove my point

- Matthias... I haven’t heard anyone really argue about Matthias. He’s the oldest at 18 and again, he’s essentially a religious child soldier. Of course he would be built af and know how to handle himself in a fight, and in a flashback about meeting Trassel, we’re told that he was actually distanced from the other boys and was the biggest and strongest/smartest of the group. Perhaps not compared to Kaz, but still

- We know how Wylan ended up how he is, so I don’t think i have to defend how he’s both a musical prodigy, good at math, and good at chemistry. Plenty of kids who can’t do one thing will immediately gravitate to a different field (think AP math students who can’t write essays, or those kids who could analyse a book and it’s metaphors in class but didn’t understand geometry).

- Granted he took it far but it’s kinda implied that his father ignored him eventually and what else was Wylan going to do

- I don’t really know how he did chemistry while not being able to read the symbols and stuff, but that’s likely because I’ve never had to learn the way he did and also I really suck at Chemistry, but I refuse to believe that it invalidates his capabilities

Final Thoughts:

- They’re Traumatized Honors Students

- People might say that “it’s unrealistic that all the smart ones somehow ended up together” but again they’re traumatized honors students and those gravitate to each other

- Of course the smart ones ended up together, they’re the ones in those crazy situations precisely because they are prodigies. Nina wouldn’t have met Matthias if she wasn’t skilled and a spy, Kaz wouldn’t have known Inej if she hadn’t been skilled at silence (I can’t explain that one but uh ninjas did/do exist and it IS still a fantasy world). Kaz would have never been a leader of the Dregs in a position to find Jesper if he hadn’t been so determined to rise to the top, and Jesper wouldn’t have been in Ketterdam if his father hadn’t thought that Jesper was smart enough to get that chance.

- You know how those fringe revolutionary artists for new eras end up knowing all knowing each other and even hanging out? That’s them.

- I have decided there is a strong basis for Autistic Kaz, someone who is more studied than me should feel free to explore this.

- I read this book a few years ago, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah. It’s about this guy’s experiences as a boy soldier and it’s a painful read so I’m not sure I recommend it as a casual read, but he talked about these young kids being able to actually make competent military strategies and handle warfare. It’s an extreme example of what I’m trying to explain when it comes to them being able to handle the brutality of their situation, but it’s true, essentially

- They are definitely serious, but if you think they’re not teenagers I just, disagree so much. They have moments of lighthearted banter, they make light of their situation, they try to support each other Nina covers it so well in her farewell at the end of Crooked Kingdom: The little rescues of laughing at each others jokes or eating together and just supporting each other, is not only a very human thing, but a very teenager thing.

- Scary experiences that shape us happen all the time, and although for most it’s not the things that the Crows experience, picking each other up is a big part of why they do read as teenagers to me. I’ve seen kids be able to seriously converse about things like being questioned by the police, or being left to their own devices for days at a time, or the general impending doom they all feel, and it’s dark, but they’re also going to joke about silly puns 20 minutes later.

- Teenagers aren’t exempt from terrifying maturity and competence

- Finally: Despite all I said, it’s a fantasy story and doesn’t have to be realistic

In the end, everyone can believe what they want to believe, but this is my case for my opinion.

TL;DR The Crows are all prodigies and a lot of their achievements and capabilities are based in reality and there are real people who actually achieved things like what they’ve done. Messed up prodigies gravitate to messed up prodigies, hence how they all end up together. When it comes to their mental state, most of them have been brought up their entire lives in situations that required for them to problem solve and keep their cool even when things are going to hell.

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knuffled · 3 years

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Just Practice - Chapter 14

here’s the latest chapter! hope you all enjoy it! if you could leave a comment, it would mean the world to me! not that many people commented last chapter sadly.

ao3 link for people on mobile

Out of all of Annabeth’s friends, Piper undoubtedly had the largest house. It was a beautiful three story house with a modern minimalist aesthetic, but it somehow also managed to retain a homely atmosphere. As an aspiring architect, Annabeth thought that it was a feast for the eyes, but Piper had never liked it, mainly because her father was hardly ever home. That was ideal for someone like Annabeth, but Piper was a huge extrovert so she found it unbearable having such a huge house to herself. Piper did her best to circumvent that by having friends over whenever possible, a role that usually fell on Jason’s shoulders, but Annabeth had dropped by after school instead to work on a partner project that they had been assigned for their history class.

Piper greeted her at the front door, practically half-asleep. She was wearing pajamas that had smiling cartoon cupcakes printed on them, her choppy hair was thoroughly disheveled, and her eyes were dazed and unfocused. Annabeth was particularly amused by the impression left on her face from sleeping with her cheek pressed against the seams of two sofa cushions.

“You look positively glamorous, darling.”

Piper half-heartedly rolled her eyes and led her to the living room. “Shut up, I was doing hot girl shit.”

“I didn’t know napping qualified as ‘hot girl shit’,” Annabeth said, making air quotes.

“There’s a reason they call it beauty sleep, babe,” Piper said.

They stopped at the living room, and the sight there only made Annabeth’s smirk widen. It was a complete mess, strewn about with empty bags of cheetos, bottles of kombucha, and half-empty oreo trays. Annabeth crossed her arms over her chest and gave Piper a significant look, wondering what sort of excuse she would come up with, but Piper just flipped her off and dove belly first onto the sofa.

“Before you ask, I was too busy to clean,” Piper said, voice muffled by a sofa cushion.

“Busy doing hot girl shit?” Annabeth prompted innocently.

Piper turned her head to glower at her. “You’re such a bitch sometimes.”

Annabeth bit back a smile and lifted a half-empty bottle of kombucha from the coffee table. She gave it a ginger sniff and gagged at the fermented smell.

“I don’t know how you can drink this stuff.”

“It’s good for your digestive system,” Piper said, sighing.

“I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think it’ll be enough to offset the fact that your diet consists solely of flaming hot cheetos and oreos.”

“I’m seriously like ten seconds away from kicking you out of my house,” Piper warned.

Annabeth laughed and said, “Alright, alright, I assume that means you’re ready to start working on the project then?”

Piper groaned into the sofa and forced herself to sit upright. “You’re an absolute menace.”

Annabeth rummaged through her backpack for her laptop and the project rubric instead of looking at her. “I love you, too.”

Piper sighed melodramatically and cleared the coffee table of its aforementioned debris so that they had a place to work. They spent nearly two hours researching content for their project, and Annabeth was happy with the amount of work they were able to get done. For all their bickering, she and Piper had always made an excellent team, and this project was no exception. That being said, by the end of the two hour mark, Piper was beginning to burn on fumes.

“God, why on fucking earth did I ever think taking AP Euro my senior year was a good idea,” Piper groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Spring break can’t come soon enough.”

“It’s still over a month away,” Annabeth laughed. “We could take a break if you’d like.”

Piper looked up at her abruptly with wide eyes. “Who are you and what have you done with Annabeth?”

Annabeth rolled her eyes and said, “We got a lot of work done, so it’s fine if we chill a bit.”

Piper pressed a kiss to Annabeth’s cheek before she could react and beamed at her. “Want something to eat? I’m getting hungry.”

Annabeth scowled and rubbed her cheek. “Uh, do you still have Oreos?”

“Of course, I do,” Piper grinned. “I’m not a heathen.”

“Milk?”

Piper pretended to wipe a tear from her eye. “Oh, Annabeth, I am so proud of you.”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Annabeth laughed, shoving her.

Piper danced to the kitchen and came back a short while later with a fresh box of oreos and two glasses of milk. Annabeth’s step-mother was a health nut, so they never had junk food at home. She also had to adhere to a strict-ish diet because she was an athlete, so this was the first time in literal years that Annabeth had had the chance to eat an oreo.

“These are a lot better than I remember,” Annabeth said.

“You’re goddamn right. Oreos are gods gift to humanity,” Piper said.

Annabeth smiled. “Now, I wouldn’t go that far.”

“So ungrateful,” Piper sniffed. “You can get sent to hell for that sort of thing you know?”

“For not being obsessed with oreos?” Annabeth laughed.

“For having bad taste,” Piper said, giving her a significant look.

“Guilty as charged,” Annabeth sighed. “I mean, I’m friends with you after all.”

Piper groaned and shoved her. “Bitch.”

“You started it,” Annabeth laughed. “I was just enjoying my oreos in peace.”

“I have been nothing but a gracious host, and yet you come into my house and insult me and my all time favorite snack for good measure,” Piper said, shaking her head. “This is why whites don’t deserve rights.”

Annabeth raised her glass of milk. “I’ll drink to that.”

“Sometimes, I honestly wonder how Percy puts up with you.”

“Easy, he’s a lot nicer than you, so I don’t feel the need to sass him,” Annabeth said, shrugging.

“Sounds fake, but okay.”

“You’re just in denial,” Annabeth teased.

Piper rolled her eyes and said, “How is he doing by the way? I haven’t talked to him lately, but I know State is around the corner.”

“He’s doing okay, I think,” Annabeth said. “I haven’t really asked him about it.”

“No Valentine’s Day plans, I’m assuming?” Piper asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Nah, I don’t want to break his concentration,” Annabeth said, shaking her head. “How about you and Jason? Got a hot date lined up or something?”

“We were just thinking of getting dinner some place nice,” Piper said, shrugging.

“So that means Taco Bell is a no, then?” Annabeth asked, grinning.

“Very funny,” Piper said, narrowing her eyes. “I think we’re going to some Japanese place downtown or something.”

“Hmm, sushi sounds nice.”

Piper shook her head and said, “It’s honestly impressive how you somehow always forget that I’m vegetarian, even after all these years.”

Annabeth’s face turned pink. “Oh, right, sorry.”

Piper knocked elbows with her instead of saying anything and reached for another cookie. Annabeth watched her dunk the cookie in her glass of milk a little too vigorously, causing some of it to spill onto her pajama bottoms, and couldn’t help imagining how Jason would have chided her for it if he had been here. It was still endlessly bemusing to her how two people so diametrically unlike one another had so much romantic chemistry together.

“You ever think about how wild it is that you and Jason have been together for four years now?” Annabeth asked.

Piper laughed and said, “Definitely have a lot more since graduation is coming up soon. It’s pretty insane to me too.”

“What’s your secret, oh wise one,” Annabeth asked teasingly.

Piper rolled her eyes and said, “We just communicate really well, ever since day one. Neither of us hide anything from each other. If we are bothered by something, we talk about it. Sometimes that means we get into fights, but it’s still better than bottling everything up.”

Annabeth’s heart squeezed a little in her chest. In contrast, she and Percy hardly ever spoke openly anymore. The weight of all the things they had both left unsaid had snowballed and taken on a line of its own. She didn’t think it had brewed into bitterness, but it felt like ice on the surface of a pond. Shallow and liable to break at any moment.

“We also just genuinely like each other too,” Piper said. “There’s no way we would have lasted if we hated each other’s guts or got bored of each other. Kind of the opposite honestly. The more I got to know him, the harder I fell for him.”

“How could you tell?” Annabeth asked. “Was there a specific moment you realized or something?”

Piper hummed under her breath and stared up at the ceiling. “Hard to say. It wasn’t anything big or dramatic, just little things piling on top of each other, until one day, I just knew. Kind of like getting taller or falling asleep. You don’t notice it when it happens only when you look back.”

When Annabeth was silent, Piper continued and said, “I will say that the first time I can remember consciously thinking it was after a meet sophomore year. Don’t remember how it went, but I can still picture how he looked after the race. He was all gross and sweaty and caked with mud, but his cheeks were pink from all the running and it just made him glow. And at that moment, I just remember thinking ‘Wow, I’m actually in love with this guy.’”

There was something about the way Piper spoke that even Annabeth could hear how much she loved him just by her tone, that it made a lump form in Annabeth’s throat.

“I’m so happy for you two,” Annabeth said softly. “You are both two of the most amazing people I have ever met, so I’m glad you are together.”

Piper laughed and said, “It’s weird to hear you pay me a compliment, but thanks.”

“After that shameless display of ungratefulness, I would suggest you don’t get used to it,” Annabeth said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Piper rolled her eyes and sank back into the sofa. “Is there something going on with you?”

Annabeth furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

“You tend to ask lots of questions when you’re upset about something,” Piper said, shrugging.

Annabeth blinked. She had no idea that she did that.

“Nothing in particular,” Annabeth said carefully. “Just wanted to hear from someone that’s been in a relationship for four years. I’m still new to it, and I don’t want to fuck everything up.”

“Learn anything useful then?” Piper asked, raising an eyebrow.

Annabeth was quiet for a while and tried to choose her words carefully. “The part about communicating was helpful.”

Piper gave her a knowing smile. “Really? Well, I’m glad to hear that.”

“I feel like it was easier when we were only friends,” Annabeth said.

“Hmm, Percy was just doing a lot of work behind the scenes for you to make you feel that way. Now that you’re in a relationship, it’s harder for him to do that, so it’s only exposing issues that were already there,” Piper said.

Annabeth frowned. “What do you mean?”

Piper shrugged and said, “Well, part of it is that Percy is stupidly empathetic, so he would anticipate your emotional needs and provide for them with you having to do much. The bigger problem is that you don’t really understand the way he thinks, so you are incapable of doing the same for him.”

A spark of anger lit in Annabeth’s chest. “Well, why don’t you spell it out for me since I’m apparently so ignorant?”

“Annabeth, chill. I’m not saying you’re a bad friend or that I know more about him than you do,” Piper said, holding her hands up in surrender.

“Then what are you saying?” Annabeth hissed.

Piper sighed again and said, “Look, I love you and everything, but you don’t fully understand that other people don’t think or see the world in the same way you do. I’ll give you an example. What do you usually do when you’re really upset about something?”

After a moment, Annabeth said, “I give myself some space until I am ready to talk about it.”

“Exactly,” Piper said, nodding. “Percy is not like that. When he’s upset, he wants someone to press him about it, like really press him. There are a lot of reasons for it, but one huge reason is that he doesn’t feel like his problems are worth anyone else’s attention, so you have to convince him otherwise.”

Annabeth was stunned. That had legitimately never occurred to her. She had always assumed that Percy would come to her if he needed to because that’s what she did whenever she was upset. She whenever she had given him space in the past, thinking it would help, it had looked like callous silence to him instead, a sign that she didn’t care enough to hear what was going on.

Her mind raced. How many times in the past had she fucked up monumentally because this had never occurred to her?

“Do you get what I mean now?” Piper prompted.

Annabeth nodded slowly and said, “I- I had no idea. I just sort of assumed he was like me.”

“That’s a perfectly normal thing to do,” Piper said. “Like I said earlier, I’m not telling you this because I think you’re a shitty human being or whatever. I’m telling you because the way that you and Percy communicate has some really deep, fundamental issues, and that it has been that way for years now.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Annabeth asked, trying not to let anger creep in her voice. “I could have done so much more to avoid hurting him.”

“Because you wouldn’t have listened to me,” Piper said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Your relationship with Percy is something sacred to you. You take pride in being close to him and knowing him really well. If I had said something contrary to that, you would have gone ballistic. You getting mad earlier was more than enough proof of that. I can only tell you now because you’re finally starting to notice issues for yourself.”

Annabeth grit her teeth and stared down at her lap. Piper was right. She was right, but it was so crippling to hear that Annabeth had been such a god-awful friend. Annabeth did take great pride in how well she thought she knew Percy, but ever since they had started fake-dating, she had started realizing she had deluded herself the entire time. It was incredibly jarring for her to realize that her vision of him compared to reality was so off, especially when she prided herself in the keenness of her judgment and intellect.

Piper squeezed her shoulder and said, “Look, I know this must have been a lot for you to hear, but you’re not alone. Almost everyone has trouble seeing people distinctly, as they are. People like Percy who do it naturally are the rare ones.”

“Then what should I do?” Annabeth asked tersely. “I feel so stuck.”

“Don’t assume so much. If you’re upset, tell him. If you want him to open up, ask him to. The only way to know what’s on his mind is to ask him. You don’t have to try so hard to read his mind for him,” Piper explained.

Annabeth nodded curtly and said, “I’m just so mad at myself.”

“I get it, but it’s not all on you. Percy also shoulders some responsibility, but it’s hard to blame him. Lord knows how much he has done for us,” Piper mused. “Besides, he has his own issues that he needs to deal with.”

“I-I’ll do what I can,” Annabeth said.

“If it’s you, I think you can do it,” Piper said, smiling softly.

As nice as it was to hear that, Annabeth had no self-confidence in her ability to be a good friend, not anymore. Still, Piper was right. Percy had done so much for her. If this could help him somehow, then she was determined to do her best.

After a few more minutes of silence, Piper said, “We should probably get back to the project.”

Annabeth smiled despite herself and feigned wiping a tear from her eye. “I never thought I’d live to hear the day you’d say that.”

:::

In keeping with tradition, Annabeth still somehow managed to find a way to be late to the State Swimming Championship. It was held at a neighboring high school not far from Westwood, but she had stayed up all night the day before painting a sign for Percy, which led to her sleeping through her alarm. She had brushed her teeth and taken as quick a shower as she possibly could before dashing out of her house, sign tucked beneath her arm.

By the time she made it inside, the first heat was already over. Annabeth scanned the bleachers and found all her friends sitting next to Sally. She took the steps three at a time and took a moment to catch her breath before she took a seat between Sally and Piper.

“Where’s Estelle?” Annabeth asked.

“Paul took her to go back some snacks at the concession stand. How have you been, dear?” Sally asked.

“I’m good. School is getting busy, but I’m getting by,” Annabeth said. “How’s Percy doing?”

“He seemed ready. Cautious, but focused,” Sally said.

“That’s good to hear,” Annabeth said.

Estelle and Paul returned with bags of snacks for everyone. They passed them around to all of Percy’s friends and squeezed past to sit next to Sally. Estelle was thrilled to see Annabeth and threw her arms around her neck.

“Annabeth!” Estelle squealed.

Annabeth laughed and hugged her back. “How have you been, Stella?”

“Good! I just lost a tooth last night. See?” Estelle said, giving Annabeth a toothy smile.

“Wow, did you get a visit from the tooth fairy?” Annabeth asked.

Estelle nodded vigorously. “I got five whole dollars!”

“What are you going to spend it on?”

“She used her money to buy snacks for everyone,” Paul interjected.

“Daddy!” Estelle huffed.

Paul held his palms up in surrender. “Oh, sorry, she told me not to tell anyone about that.”

“Thanks, Stella!” Annabeth said, smiling. “She’s a good kid.”

“She is,” Paul said proudly. “It’s the Jackson genes, I’m telling you.”

“Oh, hush,” Sally said, though she looked pleased anyways.

Paul grinned at her and turned to Annabeth. “It’s been a while since we have had time to catch up, Annabeth. I heard you got into Berkeley! That’s amazing!”

“Yeah, thank you,” Annabeth said, hiding a smile.

“It’s a wonderful school. I’m sure you’ll love it,” Paul said.

Annabeth was about to thank him, but they were interrupted by an announcement that the next heat was to begin for men’s free style. The State tournament was different compared to other tournaments held during the regular season. There would be a preliminary round of ten heats of six swimmers each, and then the top six swimmers would be selected based off their times to participate in a final round. The winner of the final would win the entire competition. It was therefore possible to have the best time in the prelims and still lose if someone placed higher than you in the last round. Annabeth had never been a fan of the way the tournament was run, but there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Percy was going to be in the penultimate heat, so there was still time before he participated. In fact, he wasn’t even out of the locker room yet. Annabeth knew that he was staying inside to maintain his focus until the start of his heat. She recognized one of his teammates that was in the next heat, so she paid attention to him even though it was hard to feel interested.

After the heat began, Annabeth was once again reminded of how much fiercer the competition was at State compared to the other meets. Percy hadn’t competed against many of the swimmers here because they lived on the other side of the state. It might have been a function of the fact that it was her first time seeing some of them, but the competition looked stronger this year than it had in previous ones. They were so skilled that Annabeth wasn’t sure Percy was a shoe-in for first like she had initially thought.

There was one swimmer in particular from the sixth heat, Castellan, that was particularly scary. The effortless, graceful way he swam reminded her a lot of Percy’s form, and he managed to win his heat by a wide margin. She had never seen him before in any of the other meets or from previous years either. He must have moved to the State sometime this season. Nevertheless, it sowed a seed of worry in her mind that continued to take deeper root even after his heat ended.

Eventually, Percy finally made his way out when his heat was announced. Annabeth was relieved to see the familiar cold intensity on his face that she was accustomed to. After the last meet, she had been afraid that his focus would still be shaky when State finally rolled around, but instead Percy looked more focussed now than she had ever seen him before. Everything about him gave off the impression that he was going to win.

When his heat finally began, Percy dove into the water clinically and quickly pulled ahead of the competition. Annabeth and the rest of their friends cheered loudly for him as he touched off the other side of the pool, almost a full body’s length ahead of the person in second. The rest of the race only solidified Percy’s lead as he pulled further and further ahead.

Once he touched the opposite wall, Percy burst out of the water and took a moment to catch his breath, but then he looked over to the opposite end of the pool and pressed his lips in a thin line. Annabeth was confused at first because his time was fantastic, and he had done so well in his heat, but then she realized his time had been slower than that swimmer from the sixth heat. Although it wasn’t an indication of how the finals would go, it was still damaging to realize that someone had done better than you in the prelims.

Annabeth worried her lip and turned to Piper when she felt her hand on her shoulder. “Why does he look so annoyed?” Piper whispered.

“That guy from the sixth heat, Castellan, had a better time than he did,” Annabeth muttered.

Piper blinked and looked back down at Percy. “Wait, really?”

Annabeth nodded. “Yeah. It’s not the end of the world or anything, but it’s gonna pile some extra pressure onto his shoulders.”

“He’ll be fine,” Jason ventured, from beside Piper. “If he keeps his cool, he can put up a good fight. Besides, I don’t think their times were off by a lot.”

“True,” Annabeth agreed. “It would have been a lot worse if it was a blowout.”

“There’s a break before the finals start right?” Hazel asked, speaking across from Jason.

Piper looked at the meet schedule and nodded. “Yeah, there’s a half hour to give the competitors from the later heats time to rest before the finals.”

“Should we go see him or something?” Hazel asked.

Jason shook his head and said, “No, there’s a chance that we just make him lose focus. Besides, there nothing we can really say to help him.”

“Well, that fucking sucks,” Rachel huffed.

Hazel nudged Rachel with her elbow and whispered, “Don’t swear! Estelle is here.”

Rachel winced and said to Sally, “Sorry, Mrs. Jackson.”

Sally gave her a mischievous smile and said, “You should be, dear.”

That got a laugh out of all of them, much to Estelle’s confusion. They talked amongst themselves during the break before Annabeth realized she needed to run to the bathroom. Annabeth wasn’t gone long, but on her way back, she ran into someone walking the other way.

“Ouch.”

Annabeth stumbled back and rubbed her shoulder. “Sorry, are you okay?”

“Oh, hey, look who it is,” Percy said, smiling down at her.

“Oh, hey,” Annabeth said, blinking. “I was just coming back from the bathroom.”

Percy laughed and said, “Yeah, I kind of figured.”

There was an awkward pause where Annabeth debated if she should continue talking to him or if that would break his focus. His body language was relaxed, but Annabeth could tell that there was some tension in his shoulders. The way he lingered there gave her the impression that he wanted to talk to her, so she figured it was alright to say something.

“How are you doing?”

Percy coughed and looked away surreptitiously. “Fine.”

Annabeth crossed her arms over her chest. “You don’t look fine to me.”

Percy blinked like he was surprised she had called him out. In the past, Annabeth would have ignored the signs under the assumption that he didn’t want to talk about it, but after her conversation with Piper, she didn’t want to keep making those mistakes anymore.

Eventually, Percy sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Did you get a chance to see that Castellan guy from the sixth heat?”

Annabeth nodded and said, “Yeah, he seemed pretty good.”

“His time was pretty insane,” Percy said slowly. “Better than my PR.”

“It wasn’t that far off though,” Annabeth said, leaning against the wall.

Percy rubbed his chin. “That’s true.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I would say you don’t think you can beat him,” Annabeth said softly.

Percy looked up at her abruptly with wide eyes. “Uh...”

“Guilty as charged, huh?”

There was a pause before Percy laughed humorlessly and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. Usually, I never think about that sort of thing at meets. I’m only focused on doing my best. But now, I can’t help wondering if my best would even be enough.”

“I wish I could be super peppy and say that it definitely is, but I’ve had those thoughts too many times to say that to you. It would feel fake and you’d know it,” Annabeth started.

“That’s not exactly making me feel better,” Percy joked half-heartedly.

“Shut up, I was getting to it,” Annabeth said, knocking elbows with him.

Percy made a show of rubbing his elbows, which made her roll her eyes before she continued.

“Remember how you told me after the invitational that I had to believe that I hadn’t hit my limit yet, that I could still do better? I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, and I’m realizing that you were right. I’m killing any chance of improving if I believe it can’t be done. At the end of the day, I still want to keep competing, so I might as well believe in myself and keep trying.”

Percy was silent at this, so Annabeth continued. “My point is, you’ve gotta have faith in yourself. If that guy is better than you, make him prove it. Don’t do that work for him. You’re an insanely good swimmer. I know you can beat him. That’s not me saying that as a friend, but as another athlete. I know you have what it takes. Only question is: do you?”

“It’s not that I don’t think I’m good,” Percy said. “If it was just me, I wouldn’t be so worried, but so many people have put so much effort and faith in me that I can’t let them down. Like, I’ve always disappointed people, all my life, and there’s a voice in my head that tells me this time won’t be any different.”

“Fuck everyone else,” Annabeth said vehemently. “The people that care about you just want you to try your best.”

When Percy remained silent, Annabeth framed his face with her hands and forced him to meet her eyes. “Listen to me: all you have to do is go out there and swim. Nothing else matters. Okay?”

Percy was quiet for a while before he nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“You got this,” Annabeth said, squeezing his shoulders. “Give ‘em hell, Perce.”

“I will. Thanks, Annabeth,” Percy said, smiling. “I’ll see you after the finals are over?”

“I thought that went without saying,” Annabeth grinned. “There’s a chocolate milkshake from Martha’s with your name on it, after all.”

“Finally, something worth fighting for,” Percy sighed melodramatically.

Annabeth laughed and pushed him towards the locker room. “Alright, get going, champ. I’ll see you on the other side.”

Percy took a deep breath to steel himself and gave her one final nod before he made for the locker rooms. Annabeth waited for him to leave before she headed back to the bleachers. Piper gave her a questioning look as she sat down, as if to ask what took her so long, but Annabeth shrugged and remained silent.

The participants of the final heat left the locker room shortly after and stood in front of the pool. Percy’s lane was in the middle, right next to Castellan, from the sixth heat, but he looked composed and concentrated.

The swimmers stepped onto the diving boards and took their starting positions, bodies taut with anticipation. At the official’s whistle, they all dove into the water in unison. Percy and the other boy both quickly pulled ahead of the other four swimmers, but Percy lagged behind him ever so slightly. Annabeth leaned forward, forgetting to cheer, and worried her lower lip. She could tell Percy was trying to surge ahead of Castellan, but no matter what he did, the distance continued to remain unclosed for the first hundred meters.

Before they both touched off the wall for the final fifty meters, Percy seemed to lag further behind than he had all race. Annabeth’s heart sank, but somehow Percy surged forward on the last twenty meters and managed to pull alongside Castellan. At the end of the race, it was too close to tell who had won because they both appeared to finish at the same time.

Annabeth whipped towards the board on the far end of the pool and waited for the times to show, heart thundering in her chest. The subsequent seconds stretched like an eternity, but then numbers suddenly flickered on the board. It took Annabeth a second to process the results, but once she did, her heart soared in her chest.

Percy had won, but it had been unbelievably close.

Immediately, she looked back down for Percy and noticed the incredulous look on his face. It took his teammates tackling him for him to realize that he had won, a dumbfounded smile blossoming across his face. Annabeth clasped her hands in front of her mouth and tried to ignore the way her face hurt from smiling so hard. She could hear Piper and the rest of her friends going crazy beside her, but the noise felt distant like sound traveling through water.

They all made their way down to him, and Estelle and Paul were the first to speak to him before Sally pulled him into a fierce hug with misty eyes. After that, Piper jumped on his back and cheered while Jason congratulated him. Rachel and Hazel went next, followed by Frank and Leo, and through it all, Annabeth watched off to the side and tried not to tear up.

She felt so incredibly proud of him. All those years of grueling practice, nights spent staying late to get in extra laps at the pool, managing the pressure of his captaincy - all of it had paid off in the end, and she was so happy it had. He deserved all of it.

Finally, Percy locked eyes with her and slipped out of the arms of their other friends and wordlessly opened his arms. Annabeth didn’t even realize she was moving until she tackled him in a hug. He was still sopping wet from the race, so her shirt got wet but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Annabeth buried her face in the crook of his neck and squeezed Percy as tightly as she could.

It was hard to say how long they stayed like that, but eventually, she pulled away from his arms and looked up at him with a stupid grin on her face. “You did it! I’m so happy for you!”

Percy offered her an incredulous smile. “Somehow.”

“Shut up, you deserved to win. One hundred percent,” Annabeth said, poking his chest.

Percy’s ears turned red, and he tried to look away from her. “It was all thanks to a certain someone’s pep talk.”

“You’re giving me too much credit,” Annabeth said, but her heart felt ten times larger in her chest anyways.

“Seriously, I was really freaking out,” Percy said earnestly. “So thank you. Seriously.”

Annabeth bit back a smile. “You’re welcome. Seriously.”

“You never make things easy for me, do you,” Percy said, sighing melodramatically.

“Of course not,” Annabeth said. “I thought you would have figured that out after all these years.”

Percy shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a slow learner.”

“At least you’re not a slow swimmer,” Annabeth teased.

Percy rolled his eyes and said, “So what next? Martha’s?”

“You sure you want to celebrate with me and not your family?” Annabeth asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh don’t worry about that,” Percy laughed. “I know they’ll monopolize me later today. But first, I want that chocolate milkshake you promised me.”

Annabeth bit the inside of her cheek and tried not to get carried away by what he was saying. Still, she couldn’t help the feeling of exhilaration washing over her.

“Alright, Martha’s it is,” Annabeth said. “Go finish your shower and get dressed. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Percy nodded and left to tell his family their plans and to say goodbye to the rest of their friends, who were getting ready to leave. Piper gave her a knowing look on her way out, but Annabeth made a show of pointedly ignoring her.

A short while later, Percy met her at the entrance to the parking lot, his hair still wet from the shower. They drove to Martha’s in silence, only accompanied by the feeble radio in her dad’s car. The sun was just beginning to set, diffusing pink and blue across the spread of the horizon. At that proximity, Percy smelled distractingly of body wash, making Annabeth’s face prickle.

“I meant what I said earlier, you know?” Percy said, breaking the silence.

Annabeth glanced at him. “Hmm?”

“What you told me really helped,” Percy said.

“You’re being too nice,” Annabeth said.

“No, seriously, I was pretty sure I was gonna lose. Like on the last hundred meters, I kept thinking that it was only natural that I would let everyone down again, but then I heard your voice in my head, saying ‘All you have to do is go out there and swim’. I don’t know how or why, but that got me out of my own head and helped me win,” Percy explained.

Annabeth’s throat was dry. “I’m, uh, glad it helped.”

She caught his soft smile in the mirror. “Yeah, me too.”

“It’ll be your turn in April,” he said. “You’ll win State too, and then I’ll have to be the one buying milkshakes next time around.”

“Damn straight,” Annabeth said. “I can’t rest until I kick Reyna’s ass.”

“I can’t tell if you hate her or adore her,” Percy said, smirking.

“A little of both,” Annabeth admitted. “People that have never lost once in their lives piss me off, but Reyna’s a good person and fun to be around.”

“I did beat her at the batting cages,” Percy pointed out.

“Doesn’t count unless I’m the one doing it,” Annabeth said, shaking her head.

Percy’s grin grew wider before he turned away from her, making Annabeth scowl. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, I just thought that was a very ‘Annabeth’ thing to say,” Percy said, shrugging.

“Is that a good or a bad thing?”

“Hmm, I wonder,” Percy said, still grinning.

“Asshole,” Annabeth huffed.

There was a lull in the conversation while Annabeth began to turn something over in her mind. At first, it had seemed like a stupid idea, but the more that she thought about it, the more she wanted to go for it.

“H-Hey, I know you said you’d get me a milkshake if I won and all, but is it cool if I ask for something else instead?” Annabeth asked, fingers curling tighter around the steering wheel.

“Your wish is my command, your majesty.”

“Shut up, I’m being serious,” Annabeth laughed.

“Sure, I don’t see why not,” Percy said, shrugging. “What did you want instead?”

Annabeth swallowed and said, “I’ll let it be a surprise for now. Just promise not to chicken out when the time comes.”

“You’re not gonna ask me to like run around school naked or something right?” Percy asked, raising an eyebrow.

Annabeth barked a laugh. “Tempting, but no.”

Percy hummed to himself for a while before he sighed and said, “Well, I suppose I’ll just have to trust you not to make me do something embarrassing.”

“Don’t worry so much. I promise it’s not that bad. Just wanted to ask you something. Besides, there’s no guarantee that I’ll even win, after all,” Annabeth said.

Percy yawned and curled up in his seat and closed his eyes. “I don’t know, I’m pretty certain you’ll win.”

Annabeth glanced at him. “Yeah? What makes you say that?”

“Dunno, I just believe in you,” Percy said simply.

Annabeth bit the inside of her cheek and resisted the urge to tell him that he was making a mistake. Honestly, she didn’t think she had a snowball’s chance in hell of beating Reyna at State, but she would still try her best to repay Percy’s faith in her. As a fellow athlete, he wouldn’t say something like that just to be nice. If he thought she had a shot, then maybe he was seeing something in her that she couldn’t.

The sky continued to darken, and Annabeth found herself thinking that even if she couldn’t believe in herself, maybe she could believe in how much Percy believed in her instead.

#just practice #percabeth fake dating au #percabeth #percabeth fic #percy jackson #annabeth chase #i'm really happy with this chapter #hopefully people think the character work is as nuanced as it feels to me #i will give u my first born if you comment and reblog

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faustandfurious · 3 years

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51, 61, 69, 72, 85 and 89 for the book rec thing! Also sorry to bother you with more after asking for so many numbers and it's a shot in the blue anyway but have you read anything by Jeff VanderMeer? I keep hearing good things about him and many of his work indeed look up my alley but I'm a little overwhelmed with what would be a good place to start.

To answer your last question first: no, I haven't, but I've heard people say nice things about his Southern Reach trilogy, so maybe that'd be a good starting point?

51 - A book you found underwhelming

The Mistborn trilogy. It seemed like the kind of series I might enjoy, and I'd had friends whose taste in fantasy literature I trust, tell me that "you have to read Mistborn, it's soo good". There were some elements I loved, like Sanderson's subversion of the Chosen One trope, and Kelsier as a character, but the trilogy fell a bit flat in books two and three, to the point where I never actually finished book three before I had to return it to the library.

61 - Your favourite horror novel

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson. I love haunted house novels, but what a lot of horror authors do wrong is that they reveal the ghost/monster/mystery too early or overdo the supernatural aspects to the point where they become slightly ridiculous. And Jackson never does that, because there's no corpse in the attic, no monster under the bed, just Hill House and its malice drawing the characters and the reader in.

69 - Your favourite mythological retelling

Circe by Madeline Miller. I love how it explores human mortality from an outsider's perspective, how Circe defies the gods again and again and gets away with it because she, being one of them, understands their limits and to what extent human fates are beyond their control.

72 - A book with a gorgeous cover

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon. I mean, look at the cover art by Ivan Belikov

85 - Your favourite book about magical realism

I'm not going to go too deeply into the problem of defining magical realism as a genre, but I thought these quotes illustrated it quite nicely:

Gene Wolfe said, "magic realism is fantasy written by people who speak Spanish," and Terry Pratchett said magic realism "is like a polite way of saying you write fantasy."

Now, I am somewhat inclined to disagree with these views, because although it is sometimes difficult to categorise certain works as either fantasy and magical realism, or to divorce the concept of magical realism from the Hispanic authors, such as Gabriel García Márquez and Isabel Allende, whose works have come to be viewed as defining from the genre, I do think there is a clear distinction between fantasy, where the magical and unknown take the centre stage, and magical realism, where the supernatural merely seeps into the background of a story that is first and foremost about real world interpersonal relationships and ordinary everyday life.

Suffice to say, there are several books classified as magical realism on Goodreads, that I’d rather say were fantasy, like H.G. Parry’s Shadow Histories duology, which are so heavy on the magical elements that they’re definitely in the genre of historical fantasy.

Of the books I have read, I think Bulgakov’s The Master and Margarita comes close enough to magical realism to qualify, so I’m going for that one as an answer to this question. It is, at any rate, a brilliant book, regardless of which genre you choose to put it in.

89 - A book that disappointed you

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab. It promised Regency Era London with magic and absolutely did not deliver on that. Magic yes, but the Regency Era elements were so nonexistent and Lila Bard’s backstory so generic that the few chapters set in our world might as well have taken place in 21st century London, or 21st century literally any city on this good earth.

Thank you for the ask!

#book rec asks #anonymous elf #answered

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annethepancake · 3 years

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Sherlock rant

I recently rewatched BBC Sherlock for Rupert Graves, and aside from the lack of Lestrade appreciation I have a lot of problems with this series. Here are my thoughts:

1. It was all a blur

My second first impression of the show: I don't remember anything but the characters. And some characters I just blatantly forgot, like Mary. And I loved Mary on my second watch! I really forgot that at one point John actually got married and I don't even remember when I watched the show for the first time. I can still recall most of HIMYM's events and I hated that series.

2. It’s overall not a detective/crime show

Watching Sherlock for the second time, I mostly turned off my brain and just let it play in the background because (1) there's hardly anything for me to solve with the characters, most clues are taken by Sherlock off-screen anyway (especially after season 2), (2) they focus way too much on the quirks of the characters that make it almost like a sitcom that got dragged on for way too long. A crime/detective show shouldn't allow me to turn off my brain.

3. The characters just kinda fall flat

Exploring the depth of human emotions is not a bad approach to a modernized version of anything, I’m not trying to pretend I’m better than someone who gets sentimental over fictional character (if you know my blog at all, you know I am not), but at least write good characters. Sherlock is hardly a multi-faceted person; in fact, he’s kinda like the Wattpad teen fic main character sometimes. He physically fights off some terrorists with a machete to save the damsel in distress? He gets high off his tits but still got everything right all the time? John is just kinda there for most of the cases. Jim is a poorly written antagonist. Irene is a lesbian but gets the hot for our main character, surprise surprise. The only interesting characters to me are the ones who act like normal people: Molly, Greg and Mary. They are the multi-faceted characters, ones who I can actually relate to without feeling inferior to them in any way. Write characters like them, stop trying to be smart about it and stop writing Wattpad fanfictions for Sir Conan Doyle’s original works.

I get that they try to make Sherlock more like a human with emotions, making him quirky and arrogant, then make him quirky and more likable. It’s hardly a convincing character development though. He’s given over-powered deduction skills, so edgy, so high and mighty all the time. When he is finally written as vulnerable, turns out he has plans for that too. I would love to see him get it wrong once and maybe get humbled by that mistake, but getting Mary shot and killed is hardly even his fault, he is only doing his job. And killing off Mary is overall a bad idea anyway.

4. They treated the fandom like shit

I was absolutely disgusted at the start of season 3 when the showrunners just straight up shat on their fans. I wasn't there with the fandom during the wait between season 2 and 3, but I believe it was a pretty long wait (2 years, I could barely wait 2 years for my comfort series, and they have like 10 episodes per season), and they were presented with the first actual mystery of the series: How did Sherlock survive the fall? After years of waiting and having fun theorizing, they were met with a mockumentary about them, starring the most hated character of the protagonist and the fans. Those are the people who actually cared about the show for god's sake. The fact that the showrunners treated fans like crap and there's still an active fandom for the show appalled me.

Now not only The Empty Hearse bugs me, but the entire show does as well.

Allow me to digress.

Doki Doki Literature Club is a great example of audience engagement done right (Sorry for using this example I’m not actually that invested in the other franchises). After the success of the first game, the story provoked so many fans into solving the mysteries of the characters, some of them went really, really far. And that’s because of the actual mysteries that the development team took effort to plant into the plot. There is actual pay-off for painstakingly following the clues; as far as I know, only two (2!) people in the world have come close to solving the mystery of the first game (or they actually did). The game developers value their fans and their intelligence enough to have planted those clues where they did, and it’s a genuine exchange between the fans and the creators. Now even though you haven’t actually played the game, when you hear of the name and you’re only kinda familiar with gaming (like me), you’ll probably know what it is. What started as a mere open-source game by an indie developer became a sensation which left millions of fans begging for more.

Looking back at Sherlock, there are tons of logical flaws for a self-proclaimed crime series, virtually no clues for the audience to solve crimes along with their favorite detective, and when there was actually a mystery (Sherlock jumped off the building), they plainly showed him alive and well minutes later. Do we really need to see things spelled on screen to know what’s going on? Are we supposed to accept that Sherlock Holmes is an all-knowing future-predicting genius now too? Not a great sign of respecting the audience there.

So far, the only thing left that’s interesting about this series is the characters’ dynamic. Which brings me to the next criticism I have for the show.

5. The plague that infested mainstream media

Why is there still an active fandom? Queerbaiting and targeted marketing.

Community marketing is proven to be one of the best marketing methods there is, if not the best, to lengthen the lifespan of a product or service. The way they do that for shows and films and video games is usually by planting seeds of possible lores and history inside the content. Look at Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, they are franchises that ran for multiple years with a ton of history and world building that provokes fans’ imagination.

Sherlock - well, Sherlock has sexually ambiguous men.

Sherlock has a formula for success. It was an adaptation of the most iconic detective novel in the world, funded by one of the biggest TV networks in the UK and possibly the world (don’t quote me on this). Making this series means you can appeal to such a wide group of audience even before airing. Adding in the quirky smart men who live together, you’ve basically guaranteed a prime-time show with millions of loyal fans all over the world.

Fans are not stupid, and queer people don't just find queerness everywhere they go. They know a gay subtext when they see one. Sherlock came back from the literal death for John, pretty gay if you ask me.

This show is very much not just about some guys being dudes solving crimes, they have relationship that’s deeper than friendship, and definitely not platonic. They deliberately wrote a sexually ambiguous Sherlock Holmes from the get-go - literally from the very first episode, then capitalized off of the targeted demographic, never a pay-off for their anticipation. Martin Freeman said in interviews that he could recognize Sherlock fans, them being generally women from 16 - 25. No shit Sherlock, this show targets them and capitalizes off of them, being quirky and gay as hell, of course the fanbase is generally 16 - 25 and female.

Sherlock queerbaited the fandom for years for the sake of marketing and there’s never a pay-off, nor was there any recognition to the community, and to add to all that bigotry, queercoding pretty much all of the villains? Why was a show aired in the 2010′s allowed to do this? Why did Mark Gatiss, an openly gay man, a writer of the show, allow this to happen? Why are millions of fans all over the world allowing all this to go on?!

6. Conclusion

Now I haven’t read the books yet, so I’m not at all qualified to criticize the adaptation quality of the TV series; I’m just talking about the TV series on its own. Despite my criticism, I think the first two seasons did quite okay. There are quite a few nice cases there, I like The Blind Banker and The Hound of Baskerville. They did those well because the focus was on the cases themselves, and the connection between John and Sherlock was only in the background. I, like many other fans, like to figure things out on my own, to read between the lines, and to not have things spelled out for me. With the next seasons bombarded with Sherlock and John bonding it seriously felt like mere fan service for me and even though I wasn’t there when the show was on, I still felt like I was robbed and my interest in the show was abused.

Sherlock is undoubtedly super influential in pop culture even now. It has to have done something right to be in that spot (capitalizing off loyal fans?). I’m not writing this rant to change someone’s mind about the series, by all means, I’m still gonna love the hell out of Gavin Lestrade, and absolutely lose my mind over Mary Watson. So do take my words with a grain of salt, I’m just disappointed that one of the most influential shows there is is just short of my expectations.

#sherlock #bbc sherlock #rant #criticism

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