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incorrectly-quoted-queers · 10 months

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So why does Netflix’s The Witcher have to go all wonky with the story and costuming and casting but also include canon bi Jaskier?

Why give me treats when the rest of the package is unsatisfying? Why must you make me suffer like this?

Also why Radovid. Why the icky bad guy. I think the scenes I’ve seen of them are fucking *lovely* but it doesn’t make up for the whole... everything else wrong with Radovid

Joey Batey is fab but otherwise? Cry

.

Time for more Witcher fanfiction, which I’ve found much more satisfying than any of the actual canon media anyway

#the witcher #bi jaskier #jaskier #dandelion #geraskier #radovid x jaskier #King Bard #witcher canon is wild now #the witcher season 3 #ahhhhhhh #queer #so many confused feelings

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soralinklokidottirofmirkwood · 1 year

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Little Calf: Elk centaur Thranduil x newborn elk calf centaur reader.

Age: newborn. While on the way to Rivendell Thranduil and his men in counter a herd of massacred elk centaurs and meets an orphaned newborn female calf and takes her in after instantly falling in love with her. Takes place a few months after the Battle of the Five Armies.

Requested by Kelly6098 (from my old Wattpad account)

King Thranduil and the elk centaurs of Mirkwood galloped to Rivendell to discuss the new reliance and weapon trading. While galloping he was clearing his head from how lonely he was in Mirkwood since his son Legolas galloped off to find a horse centaur named strider and his foster daughter Tauriel is now living in Erebor courting the faun prince Kili after the battle but he apologized when he accepted that his son wasn't coming home and accepted that Tauriel loved Kili but he couldn't accept the loneliness he felt in Mirkwood.

As he thinks of all that's happened he is snapped out of his thoughts by one of his men Saying "My lord. There was a battle here." He said pointing to what appears to be a battle field of dead elk centaurs and orcs, by the Valar it was brutal looking body parts and cut off antlers littered the earth and there were no survivors, that is to the eyes of men "separate the bodies! Bury the elk centaurs so that they may rest but burn the orcs." Thranduil said walking around the bodies until he heard a small cry and saw a small leg kicking in the air "What in the Greenwood?" He said to himself walking over to the little survivor. Thranduil is meet with a dead cow being held by a bull probably her husband and in between them was a tiny but alive newborn calf with H/C hair and E/C colored eyes still attached to her mother, getting to his knees he gently takes the baby into his arms then one of his daggers and slices the cord from her belly button while calling two of his men to retrieve her parent's bodies.

After you are separated from your mother Thranduil gently shushes you in Sindarin making you calm down "My lord where did that child come from?" One of Thranduil's men asked looking at you in curiosity "She is the only survivor of her herd!" He said holding you in a comfortable position carful of your head. Upon your new position you snuggled into Thranduil's chest, your tiny hands curled into fists resting on his chest as you cooed making Thranduil smile as he saw Legolas within you making him feel protective of you "I will be your new father." He said keeping you close.

At Rivendell:

Thranduil is standing in front of his long time friend Lord Elrond telling him of what happened to your heard and parents and that he is adopting you "The poor thing! Barley began her life and lost so much in one day." He said placing a hand on your head making you coo at him and grab his finger but the sound of his twin sons Elladan and Elrohir bursting into the room talking ontop of each other and pointing at one another, the bickering made you fussy "BOYS." Elrond yelled making the twins flinch "I don't care who started what, but what ever happened solve it on your own like grown bulls." He said annoyedly "We have guest today." He said gesturing to Thranduil and you making the twins faces light up upon seeing you "Awwww. She's so cute." Elladan squealed at you while Elrohir nodded in agreement "Can we hold her?" They asked together "I suppose but be careful." Thranduil said placing you in Elrohir's arms who is basically fawning over you "Hello little one, what is your name?" He asked while his brother is cooing at you "Y/N! That is her name." Thranduil said thinking long and hard on what to name you the moment he held you.

Later at Mirkwood:

It's been 7 months since Thranduil had adopted you as his new daughter and you filled Mirkwood with laughter and melted his frozen heart.

Thranduil was coming out of a meeting with king Bard of Dale and King Thorin of Erebor while you stayed with your nanny who is helping you to walk.

She is holding your hand while you moved your legs and together both of you took steps, when you got the hang of it you toddled over to Thranduil who is on his knees with his arms outstretched and a smile on his face.

When you reached him he happily tosses you in the air "You did it little calf." He said tickling your tummy making you squeal of laughter "Dada." You squealed out making him sniff from tears of joy that you took your first steps and said your first word in one day "That's my little calf." He said touching his forehead on yours while Bard and Thorin smile fondly at the sweet sight before them "She has a bright future ahead of her." Thorin said while Bard nodded in agreement as Thranduil tossed you up and down as you continued to squeal from laughter.

#centaur #faun #mirkwood elves #platonic #the hobbit #thranduil #middle earth #king thorin #king bard #elrond #elladan and elrohir

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girlishruler · 11 months

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I wrote a sequel! PLEASE READ IT.

#lotr #lord of the rings #the hobbit #thandureil #bard #king bard #legolas #gimli #legolas x gimli #thandureil x bard #bard x thranduil #gimli x legolas #ao3 #ao3 link #bard the bowman #barduil #gigolas

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soldierofsappho · 1 year

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#life of brian #monty python #bard of dale #bard of lake town #the hobbit memes #the hobbit #king bard #king bard of Dale #bardlings #lord of the rings memes #lotr

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starsilversword-art · 2 years

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Some Barduil for the soul.

#traditional art #the hobbit #bard the bowman #bard the dragonslayer #thranduil #king thranduil #king bard #barduil #ship art #tolkien #tolkien elves #tolkien men #elves #bard x thranduil

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snarkymonkeyprime · 2 years

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I was talking to @magic-ramen about Dale having mystical heralds in the form of giant hunting cats. So . . . yah.

Bard woke with a start, unsure of what had dragged him from sleep. He waited, still and wary, straining for the sound that must have intruded. Yet, nothing returned. Quiet. The stone walls around him loomed in shadow from the guttering fire in the far wall. Hastily yet accurately constructed with much aid from the dwarves of Erebor and the Blue Mountains as they arrived in droves, they were fast becoming familiar. It had been near a year since the events at Erebor’s doorstep. And in that time, he’d grown more familiar with the unmoving nature of stone floors. The lack of water lapping. The scent of salt and oil that permeated more than just the air.

With a grunt, he rose, yawning. Through the glazed window to his right, night still reigned. He’d refused to set up any time keeping devices in his personal quarters. But immediately outside his rooms, stood a grand, imposing water-clock; a gift from Gondor on the eve of Bard’s coronation.

He dressed, his mood darkening. Ah. He had put the day off for as long as he could. An insult to his people and their lack of protection. Odd that a simple ring of metal and gems could hold such power over him.

Presentable, he slipped out the door of his room, surprised to find no guard on duty. His brow furrowed. The water clock was missing as well.

His frown deepened. Torches lined the walls but their flames, while bright, wavered as though behind glass. He moved toward one, holding out a hand. He felt no heat. Heard no snap of pitch devoured by flame.

Movement.

He turned to his right, startled. A man. An oddly familiar one. Bard could have sworn he stood before his own form, though older and more tried by time. The man was tall, with silver-streaked dark hair. The familiar jawline given toward age and gravity in the lines around mouth and eyes. In his youth, he’d likely been a force to reckon with but time had turned muscle soft, though no less strong.

“Girion,” he breathed. He jerked, expecting the phantom to react. The shadow, however, continued to look through Bard and set off quickly, his rapid pace belying his obvious age. Bard watched in confusion, not moving until Girion had nearly vanished around a corner.

He hurried, desperate to follow.

The figment moved in odd motions; jerking forward as though skipping through time in spurts rather than natural pace.

Silent, Bard followed, barely noting when Girion led them outside Dale, into daylight. Like the flames inside the castle, the light here wavered and shimmered in mimicry of illusion.

Distracted, Bard halted, staring about him. Unlike Girion, the world about them appeared frozen. People wandered about the grounds but in mid-step. A living painting. He turned back to the phantom he followed, grunting when he saw the former lord was nearly at the base of a long, winding pathway. Compelled, Bard hurried on, stumbling on stone and roots. Girion, however, kept moving, head up, image fading in and out as they moved.

Eventually, Girion’s stride brought them into a spit of land that edged the forest around both Dale and Erebor. He stopped a few steps within its bowers and knelt.

Bard, heaving for breath, halted as well. He froze, however, at the crack of branches and the rustle of leaves, the first proper sound he’d heard.

From the depths of the forest, came two great tawny cats. Nearly the height of a pony, they each approached Girion, whiskers flexing as they rested their white-trimmed chins in Girion’s open palm, one after another.

Heraldssssssssss, the phantom hissed.

Bard stared at Girion, pinned by the man’s dark gaze.

Call them hommmmmme.

“Heralds?” Bard rasped.

The cats turned in tandem, gold-green eyes mirror-bright and shining in the depths of the forest. Twin tails flicked, the black tips jerking like wary snakes. They lowered their heads and approached Bard, eyes never leaving his.

Lord of Dale.

As though compelled, Bard sank to his knees before the cats, nearly eye-level with them both. He reached for them, gasping at the soft warmth of fur beneath his fingers. The tremble of a great purr from two throats.

Lord of Dale, they repeated. Welcome.

The turned sharply, jaws wide as they each gripped a hand, piercing flesh with a sharp fang.

Bard screamed and bolted upright, gasping. He stared at his hands, eyes wide.

In the center of his palms were two wide scars; similar in size to a wildcat’s fang.

#barduil #king bard

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domsaysstuff · 1 year

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Okay so this idea has been rocking around my empty skull for some time now just we know that Eddie can be a pretty mean DM and a shithead and I've been thinking abt romances in D&D and how it would work in Hellfire

And I had this thought that Eddie would like be "no romances!!" to the Corroded Coffin group (before the kids joined) and they're like why? and Eddie just to tease them says that he doesn't want to pretend to fall for their smelly ugly faces

Which just motivates them to try and seduce like every character that Eddie introduces for a fucking month and it leads to the creation of the rule: Every romance/seduction directed roll must be rolled above 15 to succeed AND if Eddie decides that the attempt is particularly bad the roll is with disadvantage

The Corroed Coffin boys are obviously teasingly like ohhh so we get an advantage if it's good?

"Doubt that would happen boys, but sure, if you make me, Eddie fucking Munson, to blush like a fair maiden then you'll get the advantage on the roll"

They try, they really do, but all the CC boys succeed in doing is killing off all of their party in three sessions and Gareth who is a little shit is actually rolling his third character (because the consequences of a failure are fucking brutal) by the time Jeff and [unnamed freak] give up

After that they know better (except Gareth who still sometimes does that just to annoy Eddie and be a little shit) to try and then the kids join Hellfire and Eddie has even less of an desire to flirt with fucking Wheeler, Henderson and Sinclair (they're baby children!!)

But the kids are a little shits too and they see Gareth being a little shit so they copy

It ends badly for them, they gripe about Eddie being unfair because like "all three of us have girlfriends Eddie and you don't so we clearly know more about romance then you do" Dustin not only gets a flick on the head for that but his character might have ended up being put into situations™ throughout the session that are "totally unfair!"

But fair to say all of Hellfire knows the rules and all of hellfire knows that no matter how well they try and how smooth they are (they really aren't ever smooth) Eddie will not blush or even consider they attempts as "good", the best they got was "tolerable" (Lucas got it and he's still very proud of it, as he deserves okay?), Eddie is impossible to fluster and so it's just is this fun thing they sometimes do when they feel particularly like little shits

And that's it about it

Until Vecna and all the upside down shit and the surprising friendship of Eddie and Steve happens

And suddenly Steve Harrington is not only sitting but playing D&D

Everything is going actually pretty good and Dustin practically vibrates out of his chair at how proud he is of Steve for how well he is doing so far and then

And then Steve tries to flirt with a pretty bard

Dustin deflates, he is ready for the absolute disaster that is going to fall upon Steve, he makes eye contact with Lucas - both of them ready with "it was actually a pretty good line tho!" at the tip of their tongues to defend Steve's decisions, he doesn't know Eddie's special rules after all and it would be funny to see Steve fail, sure, but it's Steve's first game and the kids wanted it to be good for Steve so convincing him to play again would be easier

But now Eddie is going to absolutely rip into him and Steve will never want to play again and-

"Roll with advantage" Dustin gasps, audibly, loudly, the room is silent, except for Steve who's very unaware of the chaos he just created and just rolls the dices, his usual confidence in place

And if someone looked closely - and all of the hellfire is fucking looking - Eddie Munson has indeed a light blush on his face

#i feel like it would have been so funny #steve and eddie just spend the rest of the session flirting through the bard and steve's character #steve also doesn't know why Lucas looks so in awe of him after the session Mike is scowling and Dustin is looking at him #as if he's a weird matemathical equasion #the CC boys give Eddie so much shit tho after the session #'oh so ours ugly mugs don't do it but king steve's jocky ass does?' 'it's a pretty great ass!'#steve doesn't really learn abt the rules until like a month later #also this is my gareth is a little shit agenda and i will be always pushing it #steddie #fic idea #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #dom's au idea of the day #corroded coffin #also hahaha yes this is my official my brain cannot keep my ideas in my head anymore so im going to unleash all of them slowly here

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everyones-least-favorite-bard · 3 months

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"...but of course, the best thing would to have never been born at all."

#heeooghg. yeahg.#orv #omniscient reader #omniscient readers viewpoint #yjh #yoo joonghyuk #kdj #kim dokja #demon king of salvation #dkos #orv spoilers #joongdok #dokhyuk #bard draws

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msbilberry · 4 months

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The night before the battle.

Dwarves in the Lonely Mountain: build fortifications, put on armor, choose weapons.

Meanwhile, Bilbo and co. in Thranduil's camp tent:

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macaronijail06 · 5 months

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Adagio

#orv #omniscient reader #omniscient reader's viewpoint #kim dokja #kdj #orv kdj #demon king of salvation #Thank you bard

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teacup-of-earl-gray · 1 year

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Ok, here's a fantasy game because I want to feel nostalgy (there was a period of time, when my dream №1 was becoming an elf)

So, here we go

1) take this quiz

2) make your own character, based on the result, using this piccrew (the character can look whatever you want)

3) repost with your quiz result and your character. Don't forget to tag somebody

Feel free to take part even if you weren't tagged :3

I'll go first

I'll tag: @sparrows-my-abhorred

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spielzeugkaiser · 1 year

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hi, first off i really love your art. the h/c and warmth really hit me where i live and your illustration style is fantastic. lately i've been obsessed with the post where an unwell milek thinks geralt will leave him behind. was that an ingrained insecurity, assuming his super-witcher dad wouldn't have time for a sickly human kid?

[MASTERPOST] - Ahh, thank you for the ask! Yes, this scene.. I actually saw this a bit differently! It's not about Milek fearing Geralt will leave him behind, he actually wants him to. They need to find his Pa!! I think he often feels like a burden; Jaskier knows this, but Geralt isn't aware of this yet. Milek just wants to pull his weight, especially with Jaskier. A little sneak peak to their struggles regarding this:

Meanwhile Jaskier continues to struggle with his omega status.

#jaskier #the witcher #geraskier lovechild #julian alfred pankratz #omegaverse #there are various things happening here! a. Milek never really had to fear that Jaskier would leave him he knows he never ever would #b. Jaskier said again and again that he'll always care for him and loves him and that he doesn't have to pull any weight at all #c. Jaskier actually became the parent that just wants his kid to be educated and study and learn #(maybe because he knows Milek won't be able to do hard labour but also because he knows what Milek really wants to do)#(filed under: things I haven't drawn yet but they had their big fallout because of oxenfurt and university - things to come in the future)#d. Milek has watched Jaskier working his ass off in various jobs that he didn't like #(and he thinks that prostitution is the worst but only because they didn't properly talk about it before)#e. Jaskier is struggling with how he is percieved - which I think was never that much on his mind when he was travelling with Geralt #being a carefree bard and giving everyone the middlefinger who had some wrong ideas about what he could do and what not #but this is definitely an AU in which he doesn't have a good relationship with his father and he can still hear him say he'll become #'an unbonded omega with a bastard child working on the streets' and I think sometimes it gets to him #(because Jaskier is king of hating his parents ever being right about him)#that Jaskier kind of wants to spare Milek and quietly hopes we won't become an omega - even if he feels bad about it - shall become plot #(one dayyyy)#anyway that was a very long rant about Mileks complex relationship with him feeling like a burden

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smoking-old-toby · 1 year

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ok so we know the gigolas "legolas has sex with gimli so they're married by elf standards but gimli doesn't know" trope but what if his dad did it first

thranduil: *leaving bard's chambers, with a well fucked dopey look on his face*

legolas: omg ada! you married the dragon slayer?!?!

bard: uh he what

#oh yes bard you're the king of dale AND the consort of the woodland realm #and bard just sighs long sufferingly and is like whatever as long as we're repeating last night it's cool wit me ig #and legolas is like that couldn't be me haha #gigolas #barduil #the hobbit #lotr #smoking old toby

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girlishruler · 2 years

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I wrote a thing. PLEASE READ IT.