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rennorthernlights · 4 months

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The World We Knew

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5: The Catalyst on The Dinner Plate, Chapter 6

Warnings: Depictions of d3ath, b0dies on hooks, Cannibalism, MINORS DNI+ 18 AND OVER ONLY, imagery of people eating people, Reader kills for the first time, Homophobia, Issac is his own warning, Abuse towards woman. Tell me if I miss any.

”Tonight,” she says, and Angelica agrees. Grabbing their things to pack. “We’ll need to go about our day carefully and then we can go.” It’s just barely noon from the way the sun shines. Tonight, they can finally move past this and just go somewhere. Anywhere.

“The guards?” Angelica says as she bites her lip. “What are we gonna do about the patrols.” A sharp knock on the door makes them both jolt. Pulling them away from the frenzy of leaving. She grabs their things and hides it to make the room seem normal. Looking towards each other nervously before Angelica rolls her shoulders back and steps forward towards the door. Her brown eyes widening, a hand gripping the door as Issac stares down at her.

“Where’s Eve,” he doesn’t ask as he pushes her aside and steps in. Angelica protests, tries to shove him back with a glare but he walks in like he already owns the place. He looks around and then spots her. “Oh! My sweet Eve, I’ve come to ask you a very important question.” The woman in question tense as they both know what he’s going to ask.

The nails in the coffin about to hammered in. He takes a long step, up close and personal as he grabs her hands the same way he did when she was 10 and he 22.

“I’ve known since the moment I saw you that day in the garden that you are mine. Beautiful Eve,” his skin stretches as he smiles wide. “Marry me.” Looking intently into her eyes as he fully expects her to say yes. His goal finally within grasp, within reach as he’s been begging his father to make it so. To make it where the woman will be forced to marry. He waited, knew she’d say no, somewhere in his obsession made him believe that she was just too shy to accept his advances. Especially with Angelica, in his mind at least, always hovering and poisoning her against him. But now… now she’ll have no choice but to marry him.

She looks to Angelica, the woman that she cares about. The woman that they just barely confessed feelings for each other. One nod from her and that’s all it takes. Rips her hands from him and out of his grip, taking a step back. She steels her voice, “No.”

“No?” The man says with a tilt of his head. He steps back as the feeling in the room drops. Something colder, chilling the growing summer heat that’s outside. His hands ball into fists as it shakes. “It’s because of her, isn’t it? She’s been in the way of us since she joined our group!” He turns and starts walking to Angelica.

Knuckles turning white from the force of his own grip, “Don’t think I don’t know of the sin you committed. Ruining my Eve with your filth!” He raises his hand and Angelica tenses and gets in a stance.

Rushing in front of Angelica, putting herself in the way and Issac is forced to pause. “My name isn’t Eve.” Being stern with him for once. “Don’t talk about Angelica like that.” Glaring at him as she finally shows how annoyed by his very being she is. Emboldened by how much she cares about Angelica. Her hand reaching behind behind her back and Angelica interlaces her fingers with her hand. A silent encouragement that she’ll have her back.

“I’m not marrying you and that’s final.” The silence that follows is deafening. Suffocating in the way he doesn’t even blink as he looks into her that she can feel her soul shiver. Cogs in his head turning as he licks his dry lips.

Narrowing green eyes while his hands flex. “You’re just confused,” he offers as if trying to convince himself. “You don’t know what you’re saying. She’s poisoned your brain with her sin.” A misguided understanding as that must be why his Eve doesn’t want to marry him.

His smile doesn’t reach his eyes as he backs away and moves towards the door. “Don’t worry. I’m very understanding, it’s not your fault, my beloved Eve.” His eyes hold a glint that makes her hands clammy, hairs sticking up on her neck. A silent warning that something ain’t right. That something can happen at any second. Her chest tightening as she braces for the worse. His hand gripping on the doorknob as he slowly opens it.

He steps outside the door, a forced exhale as she tries to regain her ground. Eyes watching his like a hawk as he leaves without even a word. A hard slam of her door that makes the hinges screech.

The seconds go by as they both stand tenses, fully expecting him to round back. Seconds feels like minutes, minutes feels like hours until Angelica speaks. “This is going to make this harder to leave.” Resting her head against the woman’s shoulder. “I knew it. I knew he was creepy as hell, but this just takes the cake.” Sighing and muttering a curse. She can feel Angelica’s mind rushing a mile a minute.

“You need to leave.”

“What? You can’t be serious.” Angelica nearly yells as she shakes her head. Taking a step around her to look at her. Angelica is dumbfounded as she can’t believe she’s even saying that to her. “I’m not leaving you with that fucker. I’m not leaving you. No way—“

“Ange.”

“No way in hell. I’d rather fucking die. I’m being so—“

“Ange!” Her hands cup her face to make her stop talking. Angelica’s brown eyes stare and open more as she leans closer to her. “He’s going to hurt you. He was willing to raise his hand to you infront of me. If I wasn’t here… he could’ve..” her voice breaks as she doesn’t want to think about it.

“Wouldn’t be the first time a man put their hands on me.”

“Ange,” her tone serious as she knows Ange is just trying to be playful. But they can’t be playful right now, they can afford to be. “You leave tonight, I’ll cover for you tomorrow and then we’ll be on our way. No more Issac.” She starts.

“And no more town.” Angelica finishes with a grin. “Alright, alright, I’m only doing this because you’re so convincingly cute.” The woman leans forward and kisses her softly. Angelica’s hands flinch at the suddenness before they start moving from the side to grasp the woman’s waist. Pulling Angelica closer, deepening the kiss as her hands entangle in Angelica’s hair. Biting on her bottom lip and she parts her lips as Angelica pushes her tongue into her mouth. Angelica’s hands more insistent and moving under her shirt.

“W-Wait, wait, wait,” she breaks the kiss and Angelica steps back worried, fearful that she overstepped. “I want more. Believe me,” she laughs and presses her head to to the woman she’s growing to love more and more. “God, I want more but you need to get your stuff and leave tonight.” Brushing her thumb against Angelica’s cheek.

“Alright, alright,” grinning at her, “I’ll let you breathe for now, but I can’t promise I’ll keep my hands to myself when we’re out of this fucking town.” A tease in Angelica’s voice but a very real need on her eyes. Night rolls around quickly and they say their quick goodbyes.

Angelica tells her in a hushed whisper as they step outside their place together. Hiding behind the corner to evade the nightly patrols. “Right next to that old mom and pop shop. Called like Oliver’s or is it Olive’s? There’s a barbecue place right next to it. Can’t miss it, that’s where I’ll be. Okay?” That one is right near the edge of the town, from there they’ll move past it and they’ll be ‘home’ free. No one goes near that area anyways. It’s clear enough instruction that she’ll know what to look for. A quick kiss goodbye as she watches Angelica leave.

The next day she knew she was being watched. Eyes on her as she went about her day. Telling the ladies that asked about Angelica that she’s feeling sick so she stayed home. Issac, who normally finds her, hasn’t showed up. A limp in his walk as he shakes his hand a bit. Shrugging her shoulders as maybe he fell and finally had some sense knocked into him. She wasn’t about to ask why he hasn’t talked to her and if anything, she’s happier to not worry about him sneaking up to her. Scrubbing the dishes clean and listening to the woman chatter and gossip about their day.

“Clark has asked me to marry him.” A woman says with a controlled sigh, the other women telling her their congratulations under a happy guise. A quiet understanding to the situation that they are all in. It’s been a lot of mixed feelings about what happen yesterday with the priest. Some of the woman agree to it and few don’t. Though she can’t help but wonder if they agree because it’s safer. Or because they’ll just have to be pretty housewives and be content for the men. Glaring at the dishes as the woman continue speaking and talking.

Once her shift ends, she goes to grab her ration for the day. The woman handing it to her with a hard smile, another woman that was forced into a marriage. Asking for Angelica’s ration under the guise that she’s sick and the woman tells her that she can’t. “It wasn’t a problem a week ago when Karen was sick?” Her arms crossed as the woman tells her that it’s “New rules.” And that she “can’t give rations unless the person is there.” Sighing to herself as she thanks her and then takes a seat. She hopes Angelica is safe. She knows she can handle herself, a spitfire of a woman she has.

“What’s got you smiling, Eve?”

Her hands tense and he sits in front of her. “Where’s your friend?” She goes to speak, “doesn’t matter,” he winced slightly as he scoots the chair forward. Was there always scratches on his neck? “I heard that she’s sick. Poor thing but it must be divine timing by God. Even our Heavenly Father knows that she isn’t right for you.”

“That isn—“

“I haven’t told anyone about you and her.” He says and she stiffens, “My father would never allow it. Never allow us together if he knew about what she did to convince you to sin. Just like my mother did my father.” His hands move and grip her hand. She remembers when she was ten. She remembers her parents talking about his mother. Her father wouldn’t lie. “She seduced my father just like Angelica is seducing you.”

She tugs her hand back but he grips her hand tightly, refusing to let go of her. “Let go.” She pulls back, “Issac let fucking go of me.”

“You never talked to me like that. Always so sweet and kind.” He says, fully believing in the fantasy that he has of her. A beautiful Eve in a garden. “It’s because of her. You’ll understand why she’s wrong for you, I had to...” He starts but stops like he’s catching himself.

“Had to what?”

He doesn’t answer and she glares, her heart starting to jump. “Had to what Issac?” He stares at her, beady green eyes as he doesn’t speak. He licks his lips and let’s go of her hand. Smiling as he eyes her up and down. Snickering like he’s aware of something that she won’t know, an inside joke that only he’s privy to. He gets up and leaves. Leaving her for once, more confused than nervous.

Walking out to remain calm and then speed walking to her room. Packing her things in a bag and pulling out her father’s rifle that she’s hidden. They tried to take it from her months ago when they started these whole men and woman job. Staying in her room until night rolls around, quietly stepping out the fire escape and carefully moving down the street. Her breath catching in her throat as she nearly got caught a couple times. Panting quietly as she finally makes it pass the guards and the patrols.

“Barbecue place near mom and pop shop.” She whispers over and over again as she shoulders her rifle. Being careful of the dead that roam on the streets. Her lip being bitten as she hides behind some cars as the dead pass by. Her eyes raking over the street signs, and she wonders if she’s in the right place. “Ah!” Her eyes perk up as she finally spots the mom and pop shop when the moonlight illuminates the way. “Barbecue, barbecue, barbecue,” she murmurs as her eyes flicker back and forth and finally she spots it.

“Angelica!” She whisper yells as she walks forward. “Ange!” Cupping a hand to her mouth as her other keeps a good hold on her rifle. Stepping into the barbecue place. She would’ve loved this place before the zombies. Still has a homey feel to it even after a bit of time. The barbecue place is large and even has its own smokehouse!

Looking around and seeing the western décor, her eyebrows furrowing as she sees some blood on the floor. Bending down and touching it, “that doesn’t look old…” she curses and shoulders her rifle. “I swear if you became zombie chow I’m gonna smack you Ange.” Pointing her rifle at ever sound. Teeth clattering as her nerves are getting the better of her.

Moving deeper into the place as she calls out to Ange again and again. “No sign of her…” sighing sadly as she moves to the back of the shop where it would be holding meat from cows and pigs if it was a normal less zombiefied-year. “Last room.” Steeling herself as she walks forward towards the smokehouse. Pushing the door open slowly as she prepares for a zombie grunt but it’s quiet and smells funny. Barely any fire going but the ash tells her that this smokehouse has and is being used.

Moving inside and she gasps. “Holy shit.”

This must be where the town is keeping the meat. No wonder no one goes here. Makes more sense now. “Why is it wrapped though…” Doesn’t make since to have the meat wrapped in a smokehouse. Unless it’s already prepared maybe? Moving to the one closest to her as she starts to peel it back.

“Oh my god.”

Her hand hovers over the meat and she’s still remembers the anatomy classes she took to know what it is. She was the best in her class. She recognizes that this ain’t animal. “This isn’t a deer. This is… oh…” her hand cups her mouth as feels the ration she ate earlier pushing up her throat. She moves and starts unwrapping them as she recognizes them. “Cody, Arianna, Davin, Lucas!” Her shoulders rising and falling as she breathes in and out fast. Fear courses through her heart. How long has this been going on? How long have they been unknowingly eating humans? How long?

Finally, the last one and this one looks upside down, like it’s still being drained. Unwrapping the person and she screams as she sees the brown eyes first. “No!” Tugging the body off the hook and ripping the the wrap off as her hand shakes even more. “No, no, no, no,” vision blurring in tears as she cups Angelica’s face. “No, baby, no, wake up.”

Shaking her face. The deep cut in her throat, the lifeless look in her eyes, the bruises and cuts on the body. “Ange! Please!” Crying as she pulls her close and hugs her tight.

“Not you,” the body limp and cold in her arms as she doesn’t hear the door open. “Why you? Why you?” Crying and burying her face into Angelica’s cold neck. Her arms lifeless and not moving as she screams into her neck. A hand grips her shoulder and she curses angrily at whoever it is. A blind rage when they try to pull her away from Angelica.

“Let go! Let me go!” Her eyes shut as she grips tighter to Angelica. Something hard hits her in the back of the head as she feels like she’s slipping deeper into a darkness. The last thing she remembers is Angelica’s cold brown eyes staring back at her. Lifeless and unmoving.

Coming too in anger as she’s placed on a bed in a room that’s not her own. Getting up and grabbing the bedside desk and throwing it as she screams. Her hands digging into her skull as she bends forward. Finally throwing up as she coughs, her knees buckling under the growing agony and pressure. Tears blurring her vision as her hands grip and claw at the floor. Misery and anguish flooding her heart as she wraps her arms around herself. The door opening catches her attention and Issac walks in.

“Oh, Eve,” he murmurs, “you poor thi—“

Getting up and running at him, her hands balled as she throws a clumsy punch that he catches. “Now, now, is that any way to treat your fiancé?” He glares and she yells profanity’s as she kicks and punches him. Clawing at his face as he tries to settle her into the chair. “Calm down!” He yells.

“Calm down! You want me to calm down?!” Pulling her leg up towards her and tries to kick him as hard as she can. The impact to his thigh makes him growl in anger. Raising his hand and slapping her harshly. She locks up, stiffening from the blow. The stinging in her cheek and her lip split open as she settles from the shock of being hit.

“There we go.” He says and presses a kiss to her face. Her eyes shut tight as she whimpers and breathes in shakily. “Next time don’t make me hurt you. I don’t wanna hurt my precious Eve. All shaken up over that filthy woman.” His hands gripping her arms and forcing her down even more on the chair. “Don’t worry I’ll wash the sins of her touch off your body in due time.”

He’s too close. Far too close to her. Close enough that she sees the cuts on his neck and her mind starts running a mile a minute as she thinks back to their conversation earlier. I had to. Repeats over and over again in her head as she finally looks at him. Tears down her face as she speaks, “Y-You killed her. You killed her! You son of a—“

His hand raises again and she flinches. He smirks and instead he cups her face and forces her to look at him. “I had to.” Confirming what she’s thinking, “After I told my father what happened he said that I couldn’t marry you. He said that the sin will be on you as long as Angelica breathed. I told him,” he leans forward and his green eyes stare at her and then her lips, her lip that still bleeds. “Told him that I’d get rid of the sin for you. You should be thanking me.”

Her heart slams against her chest, “We’ll be married in 4 days. Four days and I’ll be able to throughly cleanse your body.” Jerking in his grip, squirming on the chair. She can only begin to imagine what he has planned for her.

A defiance gathering in her eyes, she spits at his face. His thumb digging into her jaw as she cries out. “I’ll train you to be better. You’ll be so beautiful as my wife and as the mother of my children. So enticing even right now,” his other hand moves from her arm and down her stomach as her muscles tense and seizes. “I could cleanse you now but then we’d be committing sin.” He huffs and steps back.

Her hands rub her jaw as she quickly gets off the chair and steps back. He leaves, the door shutting and locking with a hard ‘click’ noise. She thinks that’s the end of it until he come back with a plate. Her eyes widen, “Don’t worry it’s just meat.” He grins and she doesn’t trust him, not one bit.

“How long?”

“Sit down,” he motions to the chair.

“How. Long.” Balling her fist as she refuses to even touch the plate of food. Thinking back to when people were getting sick. Thinking back to when people thought the rations were getting spoiled from the ‘animals’ they found. Chalking it up to the ‘animals’ being sick. Her stomach is empty even as she can feel the growing need to throw up.

“Long enough that everyone’s eaten someone here. Tasty, no?”

The amusement in his voice, the way he enjoys her suffering, enjoys seeing her so distraught. Almost as beautiful as her happiness. The smile she never gave him but always to Angelica, the happiness in her eyes when Angelica walked in the room, his hands grip the plate as he breathes in and out. He places the plate on the table as he watches her contemplate everything from the start.

Staring down at the plate and then at him. “I’m not going to touch any of that. You’ll have to force it down my throat.” Defiance in her voice as she won’t eat a lick of food from him or anyone else in this town. He snickers as he nods fast at her.

“Sure, sure, Eve,” he smirks, “I’ll be patient. I prepped a special dinner for our wedding night. You’ll just love it.” Leaving her alone with her thoughts as he takes his leave again. Shutting the door behind himself. The windows barred and no real way out. Stuck in this room with a plate of food that most likely is more human than animal.

The days pass and he tries to make her eat but she refused. He even forced her mouth open as she kicked and cried, forcing the meat down her throat as her throat constricted and she threw up on him. Making him yell and beat his fists into her. Her bruised body shaking as he realized what he did and told her off for making him hurt her. For making him be a monster when all he does is love her.

The day of the wedding came far too fast and she was forced into a white dressed. Too weak to fight back, too emotionally and physically exhausted as she nodded and barely spoke as the priest wedded them. Issac looking happier and happier as the reception was creeping up.

Her heart beating fast in her chest as the plates were being served at the reception. Issac in the middle with her to his right and the Father on the left. Her hand shaking as she grips on the fork. Her stomach growling and rumbling as she nearly gives in to eating.

Issac leans to his side, her hands grip the table as his lips brush against her ear. He whispers, “Hope you love her. I prepared her just for you.” His voice bouncing and echoing in her mind.

Her whole body tensing. Her eyes widening as she stares down at the plate and all she can image is Angelica. Angelica as the meal. Angelica as the meal the townsfolk are greedily eating. Tearing into her flesh to feed their sick bellys. The laughter, the glee, the sickening smile from Issac as she turns her head to him.

Mouth parted as a white-hot anger grips into her, burning the embers that were almost snuffed out. Warm brown eyes flash before her eyes, a distance of the woman she loved now prepared on a white plate and she knows what she needs to do. Blood demands blood.

Her hand grips on the fork and without thinking stabs it into his hand. He yells in pain and she takes the knife and stabs it into one of his eyes. For fully digging it into the socket as the blood seeps out. Staining the once white dress as she yanks the knife out and Issac falls head forward on the table. Father Abraham comes around and she’s quicker than the old man and swipes it at his neck. The knife itself is dull but she put enough force into it to slice the skin.

Everything blurs from then on. Last thing she remembered grabbing is her fathers rifle from the armory and bolting into the streets. The men yelling to find her as she runs and runs. She doesn’t stop running not even for the dead that try and grab her. She just runs. Runs farther and farther.

Forcing herself to keep moving, to not give her name, to sleep in random buildings and move on the next day. To never look back and keep as much distance between the hell she escaped into the hell that is everyone’s reality. The zombies would love her more gently than Issac can. That thought alone made her nights colder until she found that radio. The radio that changed it all. Made her open her carefully guarded heart to the men on it.

The sound of fingers snapping, and a voice forced her out of her memories. Brought into the present and she doesn’t know if she’s rather stay in her past. “Eve? Hello? Earth to Eve. Oh poor thing still distorted from when you hit the wall,” he laughs that stupid noise. He waves a hand in front of her face and she jolts a bit.

Nearly 4 months. 4 months she’s been away from this hell hole. Away from him and everyone in this godforsaken town. “That’s not my fucking name.” She finally gets a good look at him. Her face pulling into a grin as she eyes that stupid eyepatch. “Should’ve stabbed your other eye out. Never liked the color green.”

His hand ball into a fist. She continues speaking, “Thought you were dead. Hoped you were considering I stabbed that knife into your eye.” She grins at him, “Is your daddy dead? Hoped he was after I sliced his thro—“ a harsh slap against her cheek as her eyes widen. Her arms jerk in the binds as she turns her face to glare as her chest rises and falls from the anger.

“You will learn to respect me, wife.” She can’t help but grin as she knows she hit her mark. At least one of them is dead. Good riddance.

“I’m not your fuk-“ another backhanded slap and this time she cries out in pain. His hand grips her jaw hard like he did those months ago but this time. This time she has more fire in her eyes. More than enough anger to hold her over. “Fuck you.” She says and pulls on the moisture in her mouth to spit at him.

His other hand wipes his face clean. “Oh, but you are. My father married us before God and the church. Making you, my wife.” Jerking his hand back harshly as her neck stretches back. Her back arching as she tries to accommodate to the forceful stretch. “You’ll be my perfect wife by the next couple of days. You’ll give me a son and I’ll name him after my father.” Like hell she will. She’s rather die than give him anything.

Tilting his head back as he laughs at how helpless she is in this moment and all she can do is grit her teeth and bare it. For now at least until she can find a way out. Or maybe the Captain will make do on his promise to get her.

A silent prayer escapes her lips, a plead for them to find her before it’s too late. Before she breaks under the pressure.

#rennorthernlights #TWWK #the world we knew #kyle gaz garrick #john price #johnny mactavish #simon ghost riley #call of duty #poly141 x reader #poly141 #zombie au #angst #cannibalism #homophobia #Told you not to get attached #She’ll never know how hard Angelica fought to get back to her #only to wind up on her dinner plate #guess she made it back yeah?

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moongurl95 · 7 months

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Personal October 🎃Challenge 💙

saw this on Twitter but feel more comfortable posting on Tumblr 🫣 so please don't mind me reintroducing my baby B and maybe using this as an appreciation post as well 🤭

let it be known that i actually share the same first name with my baby Beatrice and i kinda just chose her last name, Hayes, from my writing pseudonym willy-nilly just cuz i was hella excited to start playing Hogwarts Legacy at the time of its release back in Feb. 🎮

Lo and behold, the further i played the game (took me a month to finish my first playthrough of her every night after my 8hour job), a backstory for Beatrice started coming up in my mind. 🤔

Suddenly, Beatrice Hayes wasn't my in-game avatar anymore but more like a younger sibling id protecc at all cost (yes, i am one of those players who played dress up with their MCs and even leave her back in the safety of her dormroom after each play session) 🙃

ive grown unexpectedly attached to her enough to start an actual fanfic (never done that with any fandoms ive been before), with our bois from Slytherin being the final nail and hammer on the coffin of my hyperfixation 😵

Also haven't started a Gryffindor playthrough after all these months (i'll get around to that eventually 😅) but here are my other baby MCs/OCs with my quick HCs of them:

on my 2nd playthrough, meet MC Cerestina Anguis 🐍 only daughter and youngest to her two, accomplished older brothers, Cersei was considered a 'defect' among her privileged Pureblood family before she came late into her Magic at 15. Motherless and with only a father seeing her as a mere pawn for marriage, Cersei does have moments of vanity, but chooses to rise above it in order to make a name for herself and find independence using her newfound Magic. Unbeknownst to her, Cersei was also promised to Ominis at a young age due to their "shortcomings" while still being of the Pureblood lineage, the young Gaunt himself is none the wiser. They meet at Hogwarts, angst ensues. But that is a story for another time 🤣

my 3rd MC, Phoebe Fidelis 🦡, is as loyal as any Hufflepuff can come as long as you can stand her chaotic crup energy on most days. Raised in a loving family of Halfbloods consisting of her parents and brothers, Phoebe was mostly content being the "Magicless middle child" until she turned 15. So other than learning to control the lycanthropy that runs in her father's bloodside, she also has to learn to wield this "Ancient Magic"?? So much for catching a break. 🥹

wanted a baby boi for my House so here's my Ravenclaw OC, Anthony Reinhart, a transferee from Beauxbatons, not much is known of him or his ulterior for coming to Hogwarts, though he may end up being a connection to Beatrice's past... 🤫

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roydeezed · 10 months

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One Piece-Mini Chapter Round-Up(Chapter 1087)

My heads not in analysis mode much right now but a new One Piece chapter came out after the most recent Void Month so I wanted to talk a little about the focus of this weeks chapter. Catch it below the cut.

Garp. That's the focus of this week's chapter. And through it, we get so much more insight into the hero of the navy than is evident at first.

A lot of my assumptions and conclusions are based on what happens next. Because the situation looks hopeless at the end of the chapter and Garp isn't smiling even though he is a D and he might die soon. SO! What does that say?

First of all, there's an assumption that Garp expects some intervention. Now, I'm gonna come out and say that I expect Coby and the other marines, as well as everyone they have rescued, to make it out. I also expect Garp to die. I also don't think Garp's death will be front page news. I don't know how it's all going to go down but I think there's a chance Garp expects Kuzan to bail them out. I don't think Kuzan will blow his cover that early. So that leaves some deus ex machina to save the new generation. Who knows what that'll be? I'm not here to speculate. What I am here to do is to talk about what all this says about Garp.

Garp is in deep denial. That's basically what his character is. At the beginning of the chapter, Commodore Brannew states that being a hero is a strength that you have to earn. And Garp has earned that. But just like Kuzan, he has also let it slip away by denying the obvious truth. The Marines are a corrupt organization that he continues to be the poster boy of by staying with them. He sees the truth of it. He also sees the truth of the matter in that those he loves and trusts choose things other than the Marines, and therefore condemn it as well. Him having to watch the execution of his adopted granson, Ace, should've been the final nail in the coffin but we see how he deals with that and all of those painful choices and decisions. He ignores it and keeps punching away. Training his body instead of confronting what all of it means. At the end of the chapter, Garp states that Justice will Prevail with a grim look on his face. Not at all like the D's we have seen in the past, smiling as they face certain doom. To me, this feels like Garp losing the way of the D's, those who challenge power. This invoking of justice at this time also brings back to mind my favourite Marine, Fujitora, and how he represents that Justice is blind. Garp wants his justice to be blind too. Thinking that if he does enough good on the side of the law that he'll tilt things in a way that'll lead to change.

It's the perfect counter to every single Marine with a strict sense of justice. Arguably they all see themselves as necessary if not even the good guys. But Garp, with his immense strength, reputation and extremely long tenure is the perfect counterpoint to them. He shows why their efforts will not pan out. Right now the only reason he's even making a dent is because he is working outside of the system. And even then, as an agent of the government, it's just senseless chaos. It's a resetting of the status quo and not real progress. To me this seems to be heading towards a tragic end for an extremely tragic character. Garp is denial and ignorance. Garp is stubbornness. Garp is one of the best foils in the series. But most of all, Garp, who's had so many of his loved ones choose a path away from him, is a tragic figure.

Being a hero is a strength that you have to earn and that justice will prevail are also concepts that link back to Luffy in a positive light. And by having Garp basically be a foil to Luffy in this sense, Oda highlights how great our protagonist is as well. A lot of people disliked the idea of Luffy being a chosen one a la the gum gum fruit/nika/gear 5. But Oda really wants to hammer in the point with this chapter that being a hero is something you earn. And something Luffy has earned with his actions as well. I'm sure Garp's end will be epic and tragic and probably somewhat heroic, but that heart of a hero that Luffy has is something Garp lost a long time ago. And Luffy shows how Justice really is blind.

Blind in that it doesn't follow laws. There's a lot that can be said about how justice is subjective, with how each admiral seems to have their own version and how Luffy's is entrenched in kindness. And how there is no cosmic right or wrong and how the law is a threat to follow rules and not at all true justice.

Garp also reminds me of so many of the older people I know and some that I dearly love and some that I wished I could love. He's stuck in his ways and because of that it's not hard to project that loved one that refuses to change onto him. He's relatble in the the way that he's someone who wants the best for you but your definition and his don't quite match up. And you see the love there but there is also the overbearingness and the expectations. I love garp. I hate garp. I love garp. He's such a great character.

One last tangent in this wildly rambling post. Garp and Koby. Koby is naive and falls for the pirates trap. But Garp realizes that it's not a fault with Koby. Koby needs to keep that innocent heart he has. It's absolutely essential that he does. And just like how Whitebeard couldn't get mad at his idiot son Squard, Garp can't let Koby take the blame and become what he has. Someone blinded to other's because they've been too busy ignoring their own pain. So Garp has only one job. And that's to get Koby off the island as the same marine he was when he got captured. He doesn't want Koby to change like Dragon or Luffy or Ace or Kuzan. More and more this becomes like Marineford and Whitebeards death. The ship splashing down. The hidden stab wound. The absolute insistence in believing in your own son. You hope that these character's learn from the past. That they change. That they aren't doomed to repeat the past because the story needs them to. You hope that this time it's different. You hope.

#one piece #one piece 1087 #op 1087 #one piece chapter 1087 #one piece spoilers #manga recap #manga discussion #weekly shonen jump #this one is a little different friends #was I crying at the tragic nature of this week's character? yes yes I was #it was badass too but the emotions are sometimes too stronk

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ochakourarakah · 10 months

Text

araw-araw

chapter three: priorities.

masterlist.

It was late morning when your phone rang whilst you were returning textbooks to the library, making the librarian - Ueda-sensei - scowl.

But nonetheless she waved you off seeing you two were the only people in the library.

Without bothering to check the screen you hit accept, cupping the phone to the side of your head. “Hello?”

“Hello.”

Toshi. “Oh, hey. What’s going on?”

“I’m at the Adler’s headquarters now.”

“Is your meeting over?”

“It’s about to start actually.”

You frown slightly. “Is something wrong?”

“I just wanted to hear your voice before I go in.”

And just like that your frown was replaced with a soft smile as your traitorous heart fluttered. “I don’t know much about athletic recruitment but I do know a thing or two about interviews,” You start, carefully choosing your words. “The only advice I can give you is to just be yourself since your skills already speak volumes.” With your free hand you get your library card back and hastily bow your thanks to Ueda-sensei before scuttling away from the Return Counter.

Toshi calls your name before asking, “Is everything alright?”

“Sorry, I’m in the library.” You catch your breath. “As I was saying, if they change their mind about recruiting you this late in the game then it’s their loss. Not yours. But I know you’ll be golden regardless.”

And you meant each word, even if they felt like chalk in your mouth.

“Thank you.” Through the phone it sounded like a mumble. “I’ll be going now.”

“Alright. Good luck!”

“Goodbye. I’ll call you again later.”

And the dial tone felt like another nail in the proverbial coffin of your relationship, your heart getting the brunt of the hammer’s force as it squeezed painfully in your chest.

You swallow it back and try to breathe.

Breathe in. Breathe through. Breathe deep. Breathe out.

And once that’s in order, you make your way to the exit where you know Semi was waiting for you.

“You okay?” he asks as soon as he sees you.

You knew Semi well enough to know that despite not being as loud as Tendou, his Bullshit Meter was just as good.

So you don’t bother lying when you flat out say,

“No.”

He nods in understanding. “Well, I hope some food can change that.”

You honestly hope so, too.

You and Semi meet with the rest of the team at the Vikings* closest to campus.

Ohira spots the pair of you first with a wave, making Tendou and the others turn and greet you as well.

So this is a seniors only hangout , you muse, giving the boys your best smile and greeting while ignoring the holes that were starting to burn into your head from Tendou’s piercing, though not unfriendly, stare.

“Let’s head inside.” Yamagata said, so you do.

But as you reach for your wallet and fall into the queue, Soekawa calls your name, making you turn to him to find a gentle smile. “We got you covered, Doc. Our treat.”

Your stomach drops to your heels. “But-”

He puts a hand on your shoulder, effectively shutting you up. “Think of it as thank you for all the times you helped us with studying.”

You look around to the other boys. Ohira and Yamagata who only nodded. Semi and Tendou who were grinning at you ear to ear.

So they were planning this.

You swallow but nod.

“Okay.”

And of course when everyone’s settled with their first round of food and caught in amicable conversation, Tendou decides to strike.

“So I heard Wakatoshi-kun’s negotiations are today.”

You manage a nod. “Yeah.”

“And what did he say?”

You raise a brow. “I thought you knew?”

“So far he hasn’t mentioned anything about your feelings about it.” Tendou wrinkles his nose. “Actually he didn’t say much except that his meeting was today.”

“Really?” you ask (stupidly, you realize) as all the other boys turn to you in interest.

They wanted to know.

“Well,” Discomfort forms a lump in your throat that you try to swallow around before you proceed to tell them about your earlier phone call with Toshi and his arrangements for the commute to Tokyo.

Ohira lets out a low whistle. “He definitely thought this through.”

You can’t help but agree. “Volleyball is practically his life, after all. He’s not the Volleyball Idiot for nothing.”

The others chuckle so you try to laugh along with them.

“It’s pretty sweet of him to keep you in the loop and make time for you on top of all of that.” Yamagata says.

(He shouldn’t have to.)

“I’m just glad he’s doing what makes him happy.”

“And you’re part of that too, Doc.”

“Really?”

“We might joke around and call him Volleyball Idiot and all, but ever since you two have gotten together he’s been…” Ohira pauses to think. “I dunno, happier? And more open with us?”

“Yeah, and having you around would motivate the crap out of him during practice games.” Soekawa adds.

A light scoff escapes your lips before you could stop it. “I would hardly call my studying on the bleachers supporting him.”

Semi snorts. “If anything, it’s because you’re barely looking that makes him want to work harder.”

Yamagata hums in agreement. “You must have one hell of an attention span to be able to study even with all the noise we make on the court.”

“I guess?” You think back. “But it can’t be all that good if I end up watching a rally or two every now and then.”

“And by watching a rally you just mean watching Wakatoshi, right?”

“Well, yeah?” They obviously were making a point and you just weren’t sure what it was yet. “And sometimes his spikes get really loud when they hit the ground.”

Ohira lets out what sounded like a chuckle. “I’m shocked you haven’t figured it out.”

“Figured what out?”

Ohira clears his throat. “Wakatoshi knows how hard you work. Hell, we all do.”

“You guys work hard, too.” You reply instantly.

“Thanks for that, Doc, but the point is, you’re not in the top percent of our school for nothing.”

“A lot of people can just say that you’re naturally smart or gifted or have a photographic memory or whatever,” Yamagata pipes in. “And we don’t see any reason to disagree with those claims yet on top of all that, you still try to go above and beyond and never stop trying to learn.”

“And you even find the time to tutor hopeless shits like us.” Semi adds.

If you had to be honest, it was always your first instinct to refute any and all allegations about you being a Gifted with a capital G.

Being called smart was fine, though, because you think of it as an ability you could sharpen. Despite being an organ, it helped you to think of your brain as a muscle, too, one that you could learn to use effectively and train regularly to keep in shape.

There was nothing more infuriating to you than your accomplishments being chalked up to a quirk in your physiology and not the countless hours you had spent grueling through every passage of text, every equation, every concept until you understood the material front to back, inside-out and backwards.

The time you had thrown into your studies was time you’ll never get back and you will not have chunks of your own life chalked up to being Gifted.

If you actually were Gifted then you only would’ve only had to do a fraction of the effort you’ve already put in to be where you are now.

So the fact there were people that acknowledged how hard you work was nice , to say the least. Compliments were already hard enough for you to accept, much less truly appreciate, but getting praised for something you know as intimately as the effort you had put into your studies almost felt freeing.

And never once did you consider anyone you tutored hopeless ; you knew that you couldn’t do a quarter of the things they can do on the court, and if volleyball had become part of the school curriculum one way or another, the roles would be reversed.

"None of you are hopeless, you know." You tell them. "Everyone just needs different approaches or even just more time to get good at things they have trouble with."

And while the boys before you smiled and nodded gratefully at that, it dawned on you that that wasn’t quite what they were looking for in a response.

“Again, thanks for that Doc,” Ohira starts again. “But this isn’t about what you do for the team.”

“It’s more about what you do for our captain,” Semi says. “If you know what we mean.”

You honestly didn’t.

But you’ve bullshitted your way through enough essays to know how to pick up on context clues.

“So you’re saying I inspire Toshi in a way?” You ask carefully.

And you let out a sigh of relief you hadn’t realized you had been holding when the boys nod.

“Wakatoshi is a hard worker himself so he understands why you have to fit in as much studying as you can. However,” Soekawa points at you with his tempura-loaded chopsticks. “He’s also still like any other guy. He wants attention from his partner every now and then.”

“Even if it means spiking the ball into oblivion just to make them look up from a textbook,” Tendou finally adds.

The boys laugh at that, though you can’t quite find it in you to laugh along, more out of confusion than anything else.

But he’s an opposite hitter, of course he’d be spiking the ball.

“Knowing all that,” Yamagata says. “Sorry if we can’t help but wonder how you two are gonna handle the distance.”

“We’ll manage.” You say automatically.

Semi bumps his knee to yours, his way of silently supporting you through your bold-faced lie.

You nudge him back just as Ohira and Soekawa stand up. “As vice captains, on behalf of the Shiratorizawa Volleyball Team, we would like to express our gratitude for you taking good care of our ace.” They both bow deeply. “Thank you very much!”

And the other three at your table burst in polite applause while the other diners glance at the commotion.

Feeling the embarrassment rise up your face in a wave of heat, you try to wave them off. “Come on now, none of that,” You say, letting out a sigh when they raise their heads.

“You’re too kind for your own good,” Tendou says wryly, the deeper meaning of his words not lost to you.

“Force of habit,” you say sheepishly, making the redhead roll his eyes. By now the vice-captains have sat back down and turned into conversation with Yamagata, allowing the three of you to speak about more… sensitive issues.

“Well, it’s a bad one that you have to break.” Semi says before taking a drink from his glass of grape soda.

“Hey, I could very well be a smoker instead.”

Though you might have a concerning dependence on caffeine but you decide not to bring it up. You didn’t need to expose yourself more than you already have.

“Yeah, but instead you’re addicted to not giving yourself the benefit of the doubt.” Tendou clips.

You fight back a scoff. “What is there to doubt?”

If Toshi had to choose between you and the sport he’s already dedicated most of his life to, was there even any room to guess?

(And it makes you wonder if that means you had to choose your future medical career over him, as well.)

“You never really asked him, did you?” Tendou asks, lightly groaning when you meekly shake your head. “Guesses and intuition are great for games and they might even work when you’re stumped on a test question.” He takes a sip of his own drink, an iced chocolate milk. “But you’ll never be right about what other people might be feeling unless you ask them yourself.”

Ushijima Wakatoshi lives and breathes volleyball, that is certain. As certain as the sky was blue and the sun was a star and that you were pursuing medicine.

But Tendou, despite the callousness of his delivery, was right on his point. too.

And as if to further prove said point, your phone rings and flashes Toshi’s name on the screen. You were about to stand up but the others waved you off, essentially signaling you to accept the call in front of them.

“Hello?”

“Hello,”

You immediately plaster on a smile when he says your name, as if he could hear it through the phone. “How was the meeting?”

“I only had to sign some paperwork and pose for pictures. ”

“I see.” You take a sip from your water. “Have you eaten already? Are you at the station now?”

“I’ve already boarded the train but I bought an ekiben * to eat on the way. I’ll be home later this afternoon.” There’s a pause. “I have a surprise for you when you get back.”

“You didn’t have to,” you say mindlessly, to which Tendou narrows his eyes.

“I wanted to, ”

“If you say so.” You concede. “I’m actually with the team right now.”

“You are? ”

“They’re treating me to lunch.” Then you lift your phone towards them. “Say hi, guys.”

You let their collective greeting sound out before pressing the phone back to your ear.

“Yeah, we just got started at Vikings.”

Toshi hums. “That’s nice of them. I’ll leave you to it, then.”

“Okay. You take care.”

“I will. Goodbye.” Another dial tone and another painful pulsate of your chest.

“And what did Wakatoshi-kun say?” Tendou asks on behalf of everyone else at the table just as you put your phone away.

You manage a smile. “That it was really nice of you to invite me out.”

“Of course,” Soekawa says. “You’re our friend too, Doc.”

“So I’ve been told.”

And the smiles all the boys gave you in earnest made you believe the sentiment just the slightest bit more, enough to bring back your appetite with renewed gusto.

“Anyone up for Round Two?”

The sight of the boys escorting you back to your dorm made you privy to some questioning (if not hostile) looks from some people back on campus but you don’t bother paying them heed.

They were your friends, after all.

A handful of goodbyes and promises to hang out again sometime, you walk back to your dorm feeling lighter somehow, not unlike when you turned in that final test paper yesterday.

And when you come back to your room greeted by the course syllabus sheet you had pinned onto your bulletin board, you shrug.

Fuck it.

You deserved the break.

So for now, you shelve a good chunk of your books and notes and open up the curtains, letting the afternoon sun bleed in.

And as you got a better look at the state of your space, you held back a small groan.

You really needed to clean up.

You: i cleaned up You: and did your laundry with mine except your unmentionables You: i also changed your bed sheets You: i hope you’re okay with the green checkered one. Natsumi: do i ever tell you i love u? bc i love u very much rn Natsumi: and fumi says hi You: tell her i said hi back Natsumi: do u want the usual from KFC? You: yes pls Natsumi: you got it <3

With all the previously ignored chores out of the way and the room freshened up, you relaxed on your bed with Netflix on your laptop and your cow plushie hugged to your chest.

When the door to your room opens you don’t bother looking away from your movie to greet your roommate. “Hey Tsumi,”

“I am not Uenoyama-san.” The bass of Ushijima’s voice startles you enough to make you jump in your seat.

“Oh, Toshi! You’re back!”

“Okaeri,” he greets, holding up a paper bag covered in what you know to be the logo of a stationery shop.

“Is that for me?”

He nodded. “I know you like to take extensive notes when you study, so this is for when you start college next term.”

And as soon as he hands it over to you, you take a peek inside.

There was no exact theme to the items he picked (if there was any to begin with), only that they seemed similar to what you already used and then some.

You don’t know whether you want to laugh or cry at his thoughtfulness. “You didn’t have to,”

“I wanted to,”

Was this what Tendou meant about you being too kind for your own good?

Or what Natsumi meant thatToshi should be doing more to show what you meant to him?

Or was this still the bare minimum?

(Whichever it is, you don’t deserve it.)

You smile up at him. “Thank you, Toshi.”

“Any time,” He glances at your desk. “Speaking of college, have you received the results from the Center Test?”

“Not yet, but I have my fingers crossed that I did good.”

“I know for a fact that your results will be more than just good.” Toshi smiles, making you beam. “Can you tell me where you intend to apply once you do?”

The answers come out of your mouth as automatically as they did when your homeroom teacher asked you the same question. “Tohoku, Tokyo and Kyoto are my top choices.”

He nods. “I see. They’re excellent choices.”

You hum in agreement. “They have the best med schools in the country. It would help if I took my pre-med degree in either of the three then proceed from there.”

“So Tohoku is your safety school then?”

You shake your head. “Tohoku is the most realistic one for me since they have good relations with Shiratorizawa.” You move to set Toshi’s gift on your desk. “So if you really think about it, Tokyo and Kyoto are my safety schools.”

He chuckles. “It would be nice if you got accepted into Tokyo University.”

“It would be.” You agree, but you don’t entertain the thought too long.

The last three years of busting your ass at Shiratorizawa weren’t for Ushijima and you certainly weren’t going to plan your life around him now of all times.

(Especially since you weren’t exactly in his plans either.)

But you had at least a few more weeks to know for sure about your own future prospects and nothing much else to do but your last few days as a high schooler.

So you nod over to your laptop. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

“I would like that.”

“Okay then, have a seat!” You make quick work of setting your laptop on your desk chair and roll it closer to your bed. “What do you wanna watch?”

“I don’t have a preference,” Toshi settles himself on your bed. “You can choose.”

You hum thoughtfully. “Have you seen any movies from Studio Ghibli?”

He shook his head. “I know I watched one when I was younger but I don’t really recall the title.”

“Let’s watch this then,” You say as you load Howl’s Moving Castle. The opening scenery fades in along with the main theme, to which you hum along to as you sit down.

God knows how many times you’ve already seen this film but you enjoy it each and every time, finding something new to love about it with each watch.

And just as Sophie first appears on screen Toshi calls out to you, making you turn to him with a hum.

“Would it be alright if I come closer?”

“Of course,” you instantly reply, not thinking that by closer he meant having you sit between his legs with your back pressed against his chest as he leaned against the wall.

Not that you have any complaints, of course.

Not as he loosely wrapped his arms around your middle and rested his chin on your shoulder.

And definitely not as you can feel the thrum of his chest and the steadiness of his breath so close as if it were your own.

He presses a kiss to your temple.

“Tadaima.”

You smile.

“Okaeri , Toshi.”

Somewhere around the middle of the film, Toshi finally speaks up after what you assumed was silence from his intent watching.

“She’s being unreasonable.”

You don’t so much as look at him as you nudge the side of his face with the top of your head in question. “Huh?”

“Sophie”

“Uh-huh?”

“Most of the conflict would’ve been avoided if she was kinder herself.”

“That’s true,” You concede. “But she learns from this later on.”

“I see. That’s good.”

If Ushijima’s presence alone was enough to demand the attention of the entire room, the weight of his chin resting on your shoulder was more than enough to make you turn to him in curiosity.

And you’re met with eyes that fluttered closed and breathing that slowed and steadied.

He’s tired.

(Of course he would be. What were you thinking, asking him to stay with you?)

So you’ll let him sleep, leaning sideways until gravity has the both of you lying down on the mattress.

Once you’re sure that Toshi’s asleep, you try to move.

Toshi doesn’t let you, only securing his hold on your middle and nestling his chin deeper into your shoulder.

It’s a Herculean effort to reach for your laptop with one hand while trying not to jostle your sleeping boyfriend but you manage to do it all the same.

And without the noise of the film you're left with the sound of Toshi’s steady heartbeat and even breathing.

You end up drifting off not soon after.

When you wake, the lights of your room are already turned on.

You try to turn to him in his grasp. “Toshi?”

A grumble. The fluttering of his eyes open. He’s awake.

“Good morning,” You smile at him.

“Isn’t it still afternoon?”

“I’m not sure-” You yawn, fumbling for your phone.

“It’s just past seven, actually,”

And your eyes whip over to the entrance where Natsumi stood.

You don’t so much greet your roommate as you do cry out her name in surprise as you scramble to sit up.

Toshi took a more relaxed pace in getting up, turning to your roommate. “Uenoyama-san.” He greets.

“Hello Ushijima-kun.” she chirps. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did.”

And Natsumi even had the audacity to nod in approval. Then she points to her head. “You should at least fix your bedhead before heading back to your dorm.”

At this you stand up and get in front of him. “Lean down,” You instruct, and when he does you run your hands through his bed hair to fix it back to its usual style.

The way he looked up at you in thanks made your heart skip. “Thank you.”

He gets up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Toshi.”

And when the door closed behind him, Natsumi immediately came.

“I took a photo, by the way.”

You grin, elbowing her in the side. “You’re the best.”

“Damn right I am.” She lifts the KFC bag in her other hand. “Now let’s dig into this before the fries get all stale.”

And later that night you find yourself with a new phone wallpaper.

(If it was all going to end soon enough you might as well make it last, right?)

Uenoyama: *sent a photo* Ushijima: Thank you for taking this. Uenoyama: You’re very welcome, Ushijima-kun.

Before you head off to bed that night, you look through everything Toshi got you from Shinjuku.

A multi-colored set each of pens and highlighters from your favorite brands. An assortment of sticker sheets you can use in your planner and six rolls of washi tape in various designs. A few packs of page flags similar to the ones you have peeking out of all of your textbooks.

And last was a small memo pad, all white save an illustration of a cow peeking from the top and a message in all too familiar handwriting.

I know you’ll reach all of your goals. I believe in you.

Thank you for believing in me, too.

You smile in spite of yourself and pin it to your bulletin board.

author’s notes:

♡ In Japan, the word for buffet is baikingu (バイキング) so it's more common to just refer to any all-you-can-eat restaurants as Vikings.

♡ PM me to be added to the taglist! (tho you can also totally just chat with me there, i swear i don't bite!)

#ushijima x reader #ushijima fic #ushijima x you #ushijima headcanons #from the oven: haikyuu!!#from the oven: multichapter #fic: araw araw #ch: ushijima #mine

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sammysvanfeet · 1 year

Text

Secret Soulmate || Chapter Five

Jake x Reader - Soulmate AU

Word Count: about 4.3k

WARNINGS: swearing, smut (penetration), unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), mentions of death, alcohol use

“Honey?” I called out, sitting up with a start.

“Shhh.” A voice soothed… his voice. Jake scooted closer to me, engulfing me in his arms. I started to take in my surroundings, my eyes darting around frantically, it was just us alone and back on this damned beach. “She’s not with us here.”

I began to sob softly, overwhelmed by the emotions I was suddenly feeling, the combination of love and grief stirring within me. I don’t know if I was mourning the daughter that did not exist in this lifetime or the lives I had lived and the moments I had lost out on with Jake.

“How could you?” My voice broke as I pushed his arms off of me. I scrambled backwards, kicking up sand and keeping as much space between us as possible.

Jake rose to his feet then, glaring daggers at me, “How could I?” He scoffed, “How could you? You ran away from me, you were the reason we lost those years as a family!”

“Oh how ironic, talking about running away.” I sniffled, climbing up to match his stance.

“I went to war with every intention of coming home to you. I didn’t have a choice on leaving back then! I wasn’t the one who left you when you got pregnant in our last life, I didn’t choose the band over you. You made that choice for me.” He seethed.

“Then why are you making that choice now? Why are you running away from this, huh?”

“Because of Josh—”

“Don’t give me that bullshit twin excuse! Your connection to him wasn’t enough to keep you in the band back then. You chose me. So why can’t you choose me now?”

“Because I made a promise to him. I promised him in this lifetime that I’d take care of his mate. I held my fucking twin in my arms as he died, those were the last words I ever said to him.”

“Did the words ‘I will pretend I am her soulmate not you’ actually come out of your mouth or are you just a fucking idiot?” I spat.

“What did you just call me?” His voice was now devoid of anger, in fact it was eerily calm, his words were now calculated.

“Did you not hear, or are you actually that moronic?” I retorted, feeling the passion of anger running through my veins. I wanted to get a rise out of him. I wanted him to fucking feel something for me.

“If I were you, I’d shut that pretty little mouth of yours before you say something you can’t take back.”

“As far as I’m concerned, you can go fuck yourself. Or my sister.” I smiled a slow, sly smile. “And I’m going out to fuck whoever I want. You thought you whored yourself out in the 70s? You’ve seen nothing yet.”

“You might want to take that back, sweetheart.” He growled, low and terrifying as he took a menacing step towards me. We were now toe to toe, chests heaving and almost meeting in the middle. One of his hands gripped harshly in my hair, forcing my gaze to face his expression of contempt.

I looked Jake dead in the eye before I hammered the final nail into the coffin that was our nonexistent relationship, “I can’t wait to watch your face as you replay the scenes of me cumming for anyone else but you in our next lifetime.”

The hand that hadn’t fisted my hair wrapped around my throat, squeezing at the sides, “Always knew you were a fuckin’ whore.” He snarled through gritted teeth, before bringing my lips to his and kissing ferociously.

I gasped in surprise and he used my shock to push his tongue into my mouth. I kissed him back fervently, not one part of me questioning what we were doing. It just felt so right, how it was always meant to be, how it had always been. Two pieces of a puzzle connecting with our bodies.

He lifted me in his arms and gently guided us backwards, situating me atop the picnic blanket. The sand underneath felt like velvet, despite the fact that the sun was still over the horizon, I had no qualms about him undressing me here, fucking me here. We were alone to do as we wished in broad daylight.

He guided the slip night dress I was wearing up and over my shoulders, taking off his own t-shirt afterwards before meeting my lips once again. I moaned into this kiss, feeling his hands caressing me everywhere all at once. The sensations were heightened, I felt electrified. His touch was like nothing I could have dreamed of, the memories of the past could not compare to this moment. Where I was soft, he was hard. His broad chest touching my exposed nipples had them pebbling immediately, without even his fingers needing to stimulate them. My body was just that responsive to Jake.

I pulled away briefly, “Are you gonna fuck me like the whore you say I am, or are you all talk?” Jake audibly growled at my words, ripping my panties down my legs and quickly ridding himself of his own pants, “Commando, huh? Who’s the whore now?” I teased him.

He roughly spread my thighs wide, opening my needy pussy to him. He looked between my legs with such ferocity. “By the way you’re already dripping down those perfect thighs, I’d say it was you.”

He leaned down then, eyes locked on mine as his tongue darted out, mere inches from where I longed to feel him. Instead of licking me like I hoped, he licked his lips instead, as if he were preparing for the most delicious meal. The noise I let out was wanton and desperate, to which he simply snickered. If I could read his mind, I’d bet he was thinking ‘I told you so’.

I fisted my hands in his beautiful long hair, pulling him down to my aching core. He let me maneuver him, or at least let me think I had a choice in the matter and began to enthusiastically eat my pussy like a man starved.

“Fuck, yes Jake. Just like that. Don’t stop.” I begged and pleaded, bucking my hips against his face.

His tongue deftly licked me, tasting my arousal but never leaving my clit longing for too long. His large hands gripped the meat of my thighs so hard that the skin was turning white around his fingertips. I hoped he left marks. Every time his nose nudged my bundle of nerves, I whimpered and clawed at his head. The feeling was so delicious, unlike anything I thought was possible.

“Yes! Yes! Jake, I think I’m close–” I panted, writhing beneath him. I’d never actually had an orgasm with another person in this lifetime. The ones in my memories felt warm and fuzzy, but this… there was an intensity there. I felt as his tongue pointed, circling my clit frantically as a deft fingertip traced the outside of my weeping hole. “Please, more!”

A single digit inched its way in, sliding in easily as aided by my arousal. Jake pulled away from my clit momentarily to comment on how tight my pussy squeezed him. He looked at me in awe before sucking around my clit once again and pumping his finger inside of me lazily. One finger turned into two, pumping frantically inside of my walls and stretching me out, no doubt preparing me for what was to come next.

I threw my head back, mouth wide open as I felt the pressure build and build. To say I expected what my climax would feel like would be very wrong, the air rushed from my lungs, my toes curled and my vision went blurry as my pussy spasmed and pulsed. I felt flushed all over, a blissfully warm feeling traveling throughout my body as I rode the wave of pleasure, hoping it would never end.

“That’s it, beautiful girl. That’s it.” Jake’s voice sounded distant, but I could still feel his fingers gently curling inside of me. I could register the way the pulsing inside my cunt started to slow, the way my vision started to clear. “Come back to me.”

I looked at Jake, slightly mortified at the sight of his glistening face. He simply grinned like he was the cat that had got the cream, “Oh, I’m not done with you yet.”

His erection was straining against his stomach, I wanted to feel it inside of me so badly but the fear crept in – would it even fit?

“Jake?” I asked nervously, watching as he now stroked his cock slowly, watching him with wide eyes.

He pulled my lip out from behind my teeth, where I had been worrying it nervously, “Trust me, it will fit. That’s why I had to get you nice and ready for me.”

I waited with bated breath as he slid the head of his cock through my folds, legs wide and my body completely at his mercy. He slowly inched his way in, descending further and filling me up better than any toy I had ever used before. Not once did his eyes leave my face, watching for any inkling of pain or discomfort. But there was no uneasiness, my body took him as if we were made for each other, my pussy welcoming him home.

“So tight, so perfect just for me.” He grunted, holding on to any kind of restraint. I could tell he was warring with himself in his mind, he wanted to be gentle but he also couldn’t resist the way my pussy begged for him to destroy me.

“Jake, move. Please. I can take it.” I begged, clawing at the flesh of his ass. “Fuck me hard.”

He growled, his brown eyes almost completely black with lust as he gripped my hips and began to move, pounding into me. The plush sand beneath me had me sinking further and further into it with every thrust. I felt him everywhere, touching and kissing and licking. I heard his voice all around me, echoing throughout the empty beach, “Good girl. My perfect princess. My beautiful angel.” And finally, “I love you.”

I loved him too. I knew it, I felt it with every drop of his sweat beading onto my face and amalgamating with my tears of pleasure. I felt it in the way my slick soaked the two of us, melting us together completely. I felt it in every twitch of his cock, every meeting of our hips. We were one in this moment as it always had been, as it always will be. The heightened sensations and the confession of love had me writhing beneath him, shamelessly desperate. I felt that familiar sensation growing within me – the one I had only ever experienced alone in this lifetime, hidden in the darkness of my bedroom, that was until Jake’s mouth had previously brought me to my climax.

I was shocked at how fast my release was approaching, “I’m close, Jake. Touch me please?” I whined, begging him to bring me to the edge.

He leaned back slightly, wetting his thumb between his perfectly plump lips and bringing it down to my hard and throbbing clit. He circled expertly, as if he knew my body better than his own. That’s what would happen after multiple lifetimes of fucking, I suppose. It only took a few seconds until I was at my peak, toppling over into white hot pleasure. I wailed as the feeling took over my body, possessing me completely. I was not in control anymore. I shuddered and shook around him, feeling that same blissful warmth travel from my belly throughout the entirety of me.

Jake’s thrusts began to falter soon after my own climax, my eyes opened at the same time as he stilled inside of me. He gazed into mine, anchoring us both in this moment as he spilled hot ropes of cum deep inside my cunt, claiming me as his. I was really his. Forever.

“That was as good as I remember. Better, even.” I joked, nervously breaking the silence as I laid with my head on his chest. His heartbeat had been steady, returning to its equilibrium after our previous exertion but I could hear it start to increase again once I spoke. I lifted my head from his chest to look into his eyes, but they could not meet mine. His gaze was far away, trained on an invisible spot on the horizon, “What is it?”

“The lives we have lived together were beautiful. I felt all of our love and all of our happiness, but with that came pain. I know what it’s like to lose you and that’s why this can’t happen again. It will hurt more when Polly and I have to leave.” He tried to explain through watery eyes, but my brain could not comprehend what my ears were hearing.

“What do you mean leave? I don’t understand, Jake. We just made love. You said you loved me.”

“We fucked. And the past doesn’t count, this doesn’t count.”

“What do you mean those times don’t count? They were real. They happened. As did the last twenty minutes. You can’t just pretend they didn’t.” Hot angry tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. I can’t believe I expected him to have a change of heart.

“This place is a gray area– ”

“What you really mean is that it’s a fucking loophole.” I cut him off.

“You have to understand where I’m coming from.” He pleaded, voice laced with desperation.

“You got what you wanted from me. You just took my fucking virginity, do you know that?” His eyes widened momentarily, shocked by my admission, “But wait… this doesn’t count does it?”

I gathered my clothes in my arms and began to walk away from him, completely naked and alone across the empty beach.

“Y/N, please!” He called after me.

“Fuck you, Jake.” I whispered under my breath.

I walked for what felt like hours, with no destination on these strange horizons. I felt utterly lost and broken so I walked until I couldn’t stand anymore and as I crumbled to my knees, body wracked with exhaustion, the last thing I remember was the green flash right before the sun descended below and darkness took over.

“Polly, please. Just five minutes alone. You can leave him alone for five minutes, I really need to talk to you.” I pulled the sleeve of her velvet dress like a child begging for their parents' attention.

She looked in the mirror above the bathroom vanity, fastening in some vintage earrings that were passed down from my mother, “Your timing is impeccable as always, Y/N. This is an important dinner! I think Jake is going to propose.”

If I’d have been taking a sip of a drink at that moment, you can picture the slapstick style spit-take that would have occurred. To say I was floored was an understatement.

“Why do you think that?” I asked, bracing myself on the counter to keep steady. A wave of nausea overtook me and it took everything within myself to keep it together.

“What is wrong with you? Seriously, I can’t have the Doctor coming to check on you on what is supposed to be one of the biggest nights of my life.” She chided, giving me a pointed look to convey her utter annoyance, “And for your information, he’s been more guarded than usual. Acting very secretive. Yet he’s been a lot more affectionate. When we woke up this morning he kissed me.” She giggled.

Of course he did. He felt guilty for what we did in our dreamscape. But Polly doesn’t know what I do. “You’re really going to marry someone you only just kissed?” I hoped to plant the seed of doubt in her mind, against my better judgment. “Why the rush to get married, hmm?”

“Why the sudden skepticism, Ms. Hopeless Romantic?” She snapped. “I will not hear another word from you about Jake. We are going to get through this dinner and you are going to play the part of the loving, supportive sister just like you’re supposed to.”

With one last tousle to her hair and a spritz of heady perfume, she left me alone in the bathroom with nothing but my thoughts. I sat myself down on the closed toilet seat, held my head in my hands and began to sob. I felt lost and hopeless, I felt broken hearted and alone.

“Are you ready to go?” My mother asked, peering her head around the door. “Oh, sweetheart. It’s okay! You will find your soulmate soon.”

I looked up at her bewildered, but I couldn’t tell her the truth so I just nodded and let her hold me. She shushed me and rocked me back and forth in a way that was nostalgic and familiar, the way she comforted me as a child when I’d had a bad dream. I let myself take comfort in her arms, I let myself pretend she really knew why I was feeling this way. I pretended she knew about the sacrifice I was being forced to make to ensure my sister’s happiness.

“Now freshen up and meet us in the foyer in five minutes.” She paused. “And you might want to wear something different, after all we are going to the nicest restaurant up in the city. Your sister's boss and colleagues will be there and you never know… tonight could be the night you find your one.”

I winced at her words but she didn’t notice. I got up to peer at my reflection in the mirror, noting my running mascara that matched the dress I was wearing… a modest black ensemble that made it look like I was about to attend a funeral. I suppose in a sense I was in mourning.

I wiped my eyes with a piece of tissue and touched up my makeup, applying a deep red lip. Maybe it would look like I had made more of an effort than I truly had. I really didn’t want to make the effort and dress up for some douchebag lawyer who could never fulfill me the way Jake could, yet I still contemplated changing my outfit. This could be an opportunity to make Jake jealous. I could dress in my sexiest little number and flirt with all the hot shot attorneys. I wanted him to feel envious, knowing anyone could have me but him.

I hastily ran to my closet, rifling through until I landed on an over the top sequin dress that showed off my thighs. I changed as fast as I could, my mother and Polly hurrying me impatiently from the hallway.

“I’ll be right there!” I responded, pulling up my thigh high boots and zipping them carefully. I hesitate by my full length mirror on the way out, turning this way and that. For a quick outfit change and little effort I must admit… I did look good.

I joined my waiting family by the front door. My mother was tapping her foot and sighing dramatically, “Glad you decided to grace us with your presence.” She chided.

Polly eyed me up and down, scrunching her nose up in disapproval, “You know this is a five star restaurant, right? But you’re dressed like a one star hooker.”

“Polly.” Jake warned, pulling her close to whisper something in her ear, yet his eyes never left mine.

“Okay Jakey.” She said in a baby voice, causing me to gag dramatically.

“Both of you, stop!” My mother interjected. “You’re acting like children. Now let’s get in the car so we can make this reservation. We have a long drive ahead of us, don’t we Jacob?”

Jake flushed red at the use of his full name, to which I suppressed a laugh at his expense.

“Uhhh, yeah. A little over an hour.” He responded. Great. I’d have to sit in a trapped car with those two playing house for a fucking hour.

“Let’s get this over with.” I huffed, pushing past them all and heading out the door. I may or may not have exaggerated the sway in my hips on the way out hoping Jake had a good view of my ass, who’s to say?

The restaurant was cozy, intimate. The dim lighting amplified the warm glow of the flickering candles placed on each table. There were already two couples seated and waiting for us, to which I assumed they were Polly’s boss and coworkers. Obviously their approval meant as much as her family’s. I wanted to roll my eyes but the entire ride up here had been full of bickering and my mother demanded I be on my best behavior.

Carafes of water were already placed atop the table cloth, along with empty stemware. ‘Fuck the water, I’m going straight for the wine tonight.’ I thought.

We made quick introductions, but the other guests were hardly interested in who I was… it was all about Jake. He was the guest of honor. I sat at the end of the table feeling practically invisible, so when the waiter came to take our order I was surprised at the shocked silence and judgemental stares I received when I ordered a single bottle of wine to myself.

“What?” I scoffed.

The evening went on, appetizers and entrees alike were served. I observed the happy couple all night, Jake looked nervous and rightfully so… but Polly, she looked irritated. I watched her pick at the skin of her nails. Something she did when she was impatient or frustrated. She stopped briefly as a dessert was placed in front of her. A slice of decadent cheesecake atop a beautifully decorated platter — complete with strawberries cut into the shape of roses and a chocolate drizzle to garnish. Her eyes lit up as she scanned the plate, but something was missing. Her face fell and a look of sadness and disappointment took over.

“So…” One of the middle aged men, named Conrad or Conroy or something stupidly pretentious, spoke obnoxiously around an open mouthed bite of molten lava cake. “Do you have any siblings, Jacob?”

I choked on my sip of Merlot. All eyes were on Jake as he sat there, paralyzed. I battled with myself between wanting to interject and save him from being put on the spot, from what I knew would be incredibly difficult for him to talk about. But I also wanted to watch him squirm, to see how he got himself out of his web of half truths.

“I-I um… I have a sister, Ronnie. And I have a brother, well two. Sam is the youngest and I have… well, had, a twin. Josh.”

Polly’s jaw dropped, “You never told me that.”

Jake cleared his throat nervously. The uncomfortable tension was palpable, we all felt it. I wasn’t sure how much he had disclosed about his family to Polly, but she obviously hadn’t known about Josh – that much was clear.

“It’s not something that’s easy for me to talk about.” Jake tried to explain, but it fell on deaf ears. I knew my sister and she did not like being kept out of the loop.

“So what? We’re soulmates, Jake! If you can’t tell me then who?” Her voice was rapidly raising several octaves, garnering unwanted attention from surrounding tables.

My mother looked mortified and attempted to insert herself, “Listen, Polly. You’re making a scene. Why don’t you and Jacob take this outside where you can talk freely?”

“This is none of your business, mother!” She seethed.

Her colleagues looked dumbfounded, unsure as to whether to watch the spectacle unfold or excuse themselves from the table. I continued to sip my wine, leaning back in my chair now and enjoying the show. What did Jake expect? This was all bound to come crashing down at some point.

“And you!” Polly’s attention was now unexpectedly turned to me, “Don’t think I don’t see you sitting there looking smug. This is what you wanted, isn’t it? You’ve tried to sabotage this relationship from the moment I bought Jake home. At first I thought it was jealousy, but that’s not it, is it?”

“Polly. Please, let’s just go outside and I’ll tell you everything.” Jake desperately implored, resting a hand atop hers, but she only shook him off.

“You want him for yourself, don’t you?” She accused, “You’ve always wanted what I had. Is that what it is?”

“Polly, it’s not like that. If you could just let me explain.” Jake said, his voice filled with urgency.

“Did you know Jake had a twin?” Polly questioned me.

I nervously fingered the rim of my wine glass, acting like I found it more interesting than the present conversation, “Uhhh, what?”

“Polly, why would you ask that?” My mother interrupted. Her face twisted up in disdain, her perfect golden child was making a scene in front of not only her ‘soulmate’ and boss, but the rest of the clientele of this fancy restaurant. She was all about appearances, and this was not the kind she wanted to project.

“Answer. The. Question.” Polly spoke through gritted teeth, staring daggers into me.

I sighed, before relenting, “I did.” I said softly.

She scoffed before laughing darkly, without humor, “I knew there was something going on between the two of you.” Then she turned to Jake, “Is that why you won’t fuck me?”

“That’s enough!” I yelled, slamming my fists on the table. My mother fanned her face with her napkin, appearing as if she might faint, “You want to know about Josh, hmm?”

“Please, Y/N…” Jake begged, his eyes wordlessly imploring me to stay silent. “Don’t.”

“Take us to his grave, Jake. Take Polly to meet your twin.”

TAG LIST: @celestialfauna @streamsofstardust @doodle417 @theweightofjake @turtleskane @morganic-goods @jakeslovehandles @emsgvf @jakeyboiiiiiii @way-to-go-lad @fleet-prodigy @age-of-nyahh @gvfrry @greta-flanveet @jakekiszkasguitarpick @kdarling1 @theweightofstardust @mintysammykiszka @lvnterninthenight @jakesgrapejuice @thecoldwind @brokenbellz @myownparadise96 @loveisonaroll @joshkiszkas If you're missing from my tag list - please let me know <3

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oatmealcrisp-freak · 2 years

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BREAKING NEWS!!!

Is Hairo a genuinely sweet guy or does he hide his dark side under performative activism to reap social capital?!?!!?!? dun dun dun

I AND MY ASSOCIATES HAVE GONE THRU EXTENSIVE EFFORTS TO COMPILE THIS EVIDENCE POINTING TO HAIRO SECRETLY BEING AN ASSHOLE THAT HE REALLY DOESN’T WANT YOU TO SEE!!

We put our lives on the line for this one folks so GET READY. The CONCLUSION will SHOCK YOU.

Hairo lies and misleads to get his own way!! Hairo you know damn well that party is getting started and that if Kaidou, Nendo, and Saiki don’t get there soon they’ll miss it. This is such an odd departure from his ‘hustle it’ attitude...maybe he doesn’t WANT them to come? He is consistently shown to BULLY Saiki...

They are literally pointing and laughing at Saiki but does Hairo care? No.

In the classroom party episode his ringtone is his own voice yelling. That feels so narcissistic.

He literally impedes traffic by doing sit ups in the school hallway. Where’s the stickler for the rules now, huh? Is the location a coincidence, or did he choose it for how PUBLIC it is so people would fawn over and praise him?

This is a hard one to witness, folks. He has no respect for other ppls boundaries or health, and encourages people to ignore their health and anxieties for the sake of ‘improvement’ if they don’t do what he wants them to do! Note too how hard he pushes Saiki to step outside of his ‘comfort zone’ in addition to this poor schlub he’s got on the phone.

Also, he’s a SCENE STEALER.

Saiki does this...

AND THEN HAIRO IMMEDIATELY DOES THIS? Was he only INSPIRED by Saiki’s so called sacrifice, or was he feeling threatened that Saiki might upstage him? He even pulls the same ploy by sacrificing himself, but ten fold! Saiki even says,

That Hairo skinning his knee shouldn’t be enough to make him vomit blood. There’s no signs of Hairo being a hemophiliac. I think he had FAKE BLOOD PACKS in his mouth to win him the sympathy vote!

He puts himself into dangerous situations, but makes sure to take his top off first? What is the point of that unless he wants everyone to admire his vulnerable, held at gun point, shimmering abs? (Also is he oiled for extra shimmer? did he know this was gonna happen? did he arrange for this?)

He’s always yelling at people w/no respect for indoor voice or sensory issues!

He’s always looking to make a spectacle of himself in public! Hairo did you really need to collect an entire tree from somewhere? You were supposed to get a replacement hammer.

Animal abuse. So! Awful!

He’s a method actor like Jared Leto. And again, impeding walkways and endangering others! Hairo what if someone tripped over you!

He routinely volunteers other people for torment w/out their permission! Hairo did you ASK if your team mates wanted to run fifty laps? Cus I bet they didn’t. All because YOU need to be the BEST so you’ll even compete with your COACH. Shameful.

He literally incites his classmates to violence and the DESTRUCTION of school property. Is this the class rep who can lead Class 3 to glory?! I THINK NOT.

And most egregiously of all

HE CHEATS TO BEAT BEST BOY, RENOWNED SCHOOL SWEETIE, RIKI NENDO.

Is this really a good guy... or is there a dark shadow cast over the heart of Kineshi Hairo that yearns not just for so called ‘self improvement’, but to win no matter the cost so he can get the attention he so desires????

To really convince you all, a coffin nail.

Why doesn’t Teruhashi make Hairo say “offu”? Well it might be because he’s gay, but Kaidou says offu around her so I don’t think that’s the ONLY reason.

BEHOLD.

The only one who beats out Hairo’s charisma, who sways the attention of the populace more than him, who is more popular and seemingly more virtuous than him...

Is Kokomi Teruhashi.

Not only does his egomania bid him to injure himself (or at least feign as such to manipulate people’s sympathy) and others, to strip in public, to cheat to win win win no matter what, it is so strong it overpowers Teruhashi’s charisma. The only other person who can do that is the over powered protagonist SAIKI KUSUO!

Saiki even asks Hairo, “Are you a demon?”

Hairo never answers. Because he can’t.

And so I submit to you that Hairo, noted sweaty pyrokinetic is not lit up from the inside by the flames of passion, OH NO

BUT THE FIRES OF HELL.

And THAT is why he shall forevermore be doomed to never enjoy snowcones, or icecream, or a snowball fight. It’s karma, babee.

(Hairo its melting its melting!)

#saiki k #freaks essays #shitposting #long post #jokes...OR ARE THEY dun dun dunnnnnnn

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brightandrisenangels · 7 months

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"So your mum's going full q-anon"

I made the mistake of asking my mother,

while we were having one of our little

phone calls that happen when I get too lonely to bear,

if she’d been up to anything fun lately.

Traps are always so obvious in hindsight.

“Oh, we just went to the pictures the other day,

bloody good film, with what’s his face

that played jesus.”

Oh, I thought,

as dread pooled in my stomach like noxious gas

and the miasma cloud settled in around my brain,

“You mean Jim Caviezel?”

That’s the one, she told me with all the force

of a hammer to the last loose nail in the coffin

of this conversation.

What to do when your mum's new favourite movie is the sound of freedom?

Anti-vaxx mother, i think,

Q anon mumma

She then begs me without asking

not to skip the family christmas this year.

I don’t say i won’t be there

but I think i manage to imply it;

There’s just so much to do this break and I

Have been so busy

And i just need a quiet break

And my friend will be alone without me

And frankly, mum,

I can’t bear another q anon christmas, nor an

anti-vaxxmas

When is it time to estrange yourself from a family that feels closer and closer everyday to reanimating your deadname?

How painful is it to become an orphan by choice?

How do you tell your mum that you don’t have time to go to the movies lately so you’ll probably have to give this one a miss.

To her it’s a movie but to me it’s the last rat jumping off the sinking ship.

Somewhere along the way i got so good

at not reacting,

but i’m not as good at pretending i’m not lonely

Or ignoring the part of myself that doesn’t want to lose what little family I have

Q anon mumma

Anti vaxx sister

Cross fit sister, too

And a dad that’s been lost to me for all of it

How painful will it be to not orphan myself?

How much family do I even need, anyway?

So recently I had to confront the fact that I might have to estrange my mum and I'll be honest it's been painful so I wrote a poem about it instead of howling with pain and crying my eyes out which honestly might still happen later

#my poem

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fictionistanae · 9 months

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🌹 There’s No Rose Without A Thorn

“You’re exhausting, did you know that?” Eddie’s head shoots up at the hollow sound of Buck’s voice. “Being in love with you is exhausting. It’s too much.”

THE PREFACE:

Eddie’s not ready—but time has run out on him. And now Buck’s eyes are fixed over his shoulder, the strain in his jaw betraying the effort it’s taking to keep them locked on the door his sister Maddie had slammed behind her in a rush just moments before, a torrent of apologies tumbling out of her beet-red face for interrupting the intimate moment she’d walked in on. “Our careers—our job, it takes a toll. And after everything with Shannon a-and your…we both…we both wanted to blow off some steam. We’ve been doing this for months now. And you know… Evan, you know how I feel but I can’t…I can’t just—Mierda. You wanted this too so stop acting like you’ve been doing me some favor!”

Eddie flinches at his own words. His eyes snap shut involuntarily, protecting him from the pain his final outburst inflicts, the pain reflecting in the blue eyes now pointed towards his guilt-ridden expression. The pain tightening his own chest grows more pronounced, and the burn at the back of his throat isn’t just from the unshed tears tickling the corner of his eyes. It’s from the battle he’s once again lost—the constant struggle to keep defensive words that always belied the desires of his heart from leaving his traitorous mouth. He never could seem to stop saying just the right thing to drive people he loved most away from him. Hanging his head, Eddie’s next words are spoken directly to the floor. “I’m sorry, Evan.”

“You’re exhausting, did you know that?” Eddie’s head shoots up at the hollow sound of Buck’s voice. “Being in love with you is exhausting. It’s too much.”

“You knew what this was,” Eddie says. His voice is soft, quiet even, but his words hammer the final nail into a coffin full of memories he’d likely spend another six years trying to put to rest. “What it wasn’t from the beginning…I never wanted more than this,” he lies. “And I never promised you I’d ever want more.”

Eddie’s feet finally stop moving, leaving his toes pointed towards the exit. He’d have thought his heart stopped beating altogether if not for the labored breaths still not quite settling down in his chest as he takes in the bittersweet image that is a devastatingly beautiful Evan Buckley. Buck’s smile holds an unfettered brightness that not even the fresh wave of tears dripping from his lashes can drown out.

Buck always did find a way to smile through the pain, no matter who or what caused it.

“I don’t need you to convince me anymore, Eds.” The edges of Buck’s smile sharpen then. Eddie quickly turns away, sprinting towards the front door as he rushes to avoid the hardened glare slowly forming on his scorned lover's face. He knows the barb is coming before it lands, center mass, only through his back, piercing straight through to his heart. “I already know you don’t love me, Eddie. You don’t even love yourself.”

Read Chapter One in Full

#buddie #911 fox #evan buckley #eddie diaz #archive of our own #fanfic #911 fanfic #911 fandom #friends to lovers #soldiers in love #buddie quotes #buddie 911 #evan x eddie

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themoon-saturn · 11 months

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You're Losing Me

Xiao X my OC Ori angst

hello! I'm back and felt like hurting my own feelings again. Inspired on the song "You're Losing me" by Taylor swift since her songs are great for story writing.

an- Ori is my genshin OC I'll post more about later. She is one of the Adepti, a "act now, think later" girl, and extremely protective. Of course feel free to insert your own OC/ name in place of hers! I just heard the song and thought of Xiao angst. Other than that enjoy! Credt to Taylor Swift and video: Desert Records on youtube! MORE UNDER CUT

youtube

“Stop, You're losing me..”

Xiao had been gone for so long already. It seemed like ages since Ori and him shared a meal together, let alone even a moment. He came in and out of her life so quickly. She didn’t know know where to look for him and if anything… it seemed like he was avoiding her. They have been close for centuries then out of no where he’s up and gone every day before she even notices. She wonders were the spark had gone. Had he gotten bored? What happened to the kind man she knew? The one who would do anything to protect her, the one who made her feel alive again… on the chances she did get to see him she asked him what was wrong and all he would say is “We are fine. Don’t worry so much.” But what good does that do? Not admitting something is wrong when their relationship is falling ill right in front of her. She was tired. Tired of having to always be the one to fix them. Tired of fixing every problem only for Xiao to hurt her worse than any hurt she had felt before. He became cold. She couldn’t do it anymore but did she want to throw away everything they had built? The peace they had gained together or at least the peace she thought they had. She heard a thud on the roof of Wangshu Inn and ran to the balcony to see Xiao. She felt that familiar feeling of butterflies in her chest only when he looked at her… his eyes looked hollow. She could feel her look of love turn to a storm of anger. He said no words to her and just walked by her to their room. Ori followed close behind him, hoping to get a word in.

“What were you doing?” Silence. “Xiao. Please. Just say something.” Ori felt like she was in her hands and knees just begging for an answer. “Nothing of your concern.” His cold words so short but cut as deep as a knife. “You haven’t been around lately. I have been worried about you..” , “I never asked you for that. You are suffocating. I see no point in this conversation so just leave me be for once in our lives.” It felt like Xiao plunged his spear deep on her chest. Ori turns and leaves quickly leaving Xiao alone realizing what he’s said. Ori teleported to Mt. Tianheng, once a spot where they would watch the lanterns fly into the sky and over the sea and now it’s left feeling dark and empty. The final nail was in the coffin, ready to be hammered in.

Xiao could feel the pain in Ori’s face when she left him. She didn’t stay and try and reason with him like she normally does. He knows he pushed her too to far this time. He got caught up in the heat of battle and helping the traveler. The stress had been getting to him and he was taking it out on the one person who truly cared for him. He all but tore down their bedroom door and ran down the hallway to the balcony hoping Ori would be there. Once he reached the balcony and saw she was no where in site, he stopped to catch his breath and thing about where else she could be. And that’s when it hit him, a place that means to much to both of them…

Ori sat on the mountain top crying her eyes out, all those pent up emotions bowled over. Did she even wanna fix this? Before she could think more Xiao appeared in front of her, “Ori.. I-“ he started but just the site of him made her even more angry.

“Stop, Xiao. I’m so tired of never being a priority for you. I’m tired of anyways helping you when you never think about ME!”

“I don’t understand? What do you mean?”

“I know you don’t. You only think of yourself. I gave you all my best me’s! I gave you my heart and soul! I gave you empathy and compassion! And what do I get in return? You disappearing for days without a word. You tossing me aside like I'm beneath you. I will never be good enough for you, will I? I would have gone to war for you. If you were against the world I would have been on the front lines, fighting for you. All I get in return is hurt for trying to be your bravest solider.”

Xiao was silent. Processing what was said. He doesn’t get it. Did he miss the signs?

“Don’t you ignore me Xiao!”

His eyes dart to Ori’s, the redness blending into her eye color. A look of pure desperation on her face.

“You listen to me. I have fought for you, hell for us for years. I’m the BEST thing you will ever know. I have spent all my life taking care of others and you showed me how it felt to be loved. But I get it, who would want to spend their eternity with a pathological people pleaser. I just wanted you to see me. To really see me. It feels like you haven’t in a while.”

Ori’s tears flow down her face and Xiao is still dumbfounded. He didn’t know any of this… but he never thought to ask her. He can feel his chest tightening like he knows what’s coming.

“Say something! Do something Xiao!” She yelled out grabbing his face.

Silence

“Risk something or lose something!" She beat his chest with her fists.

Silence

“Chose something! I have nothing more..” the final nail was beaten in the coffin. She looked back into his hollow eyes.

Silence

“I have nothing to believe in unless you are choosing me. My heart won’t start any more for you. You are losing me Xiao… I can’t be placed at second best when I know I deserve more.”

Still nothing. Ori said nothing more. She dropped her hands and backed away. Xiao still couldn’t form any words. They were stuck in his throat. ‘Of course I choose you! Ori I love you!’ But nothing came out. Those eyes that once looked at him with pure love had now turned to a grey. He watched her walk past him and out of sight.

He lost her. He fucked up the best thing that had happened to him. He doesn’t know what to do now.. what could he do? He had grown so used to her presence that he feels even more empty than before. He lost her. Ori was gone and the only one to blame is himself.

"I cant find a pulse, my heart wont start anymore.."

#olivefics #genshin xiao #adeptus xiao #genshin fanfic #genshin impact xiao #genshin x oc #xiao x oc #gesnhin x midnights #youtube #Youtube

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beanibb · 6 months

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It’s officially been 6 months since you left this plane of existence.

I can’t help but wonder where toy went after everything was said and done. Is there really an afterlife? Did you go somewhere nice? Or are you burning for eternity? I know it’s likely the latter, but I still like to think it’s the former.

Are you maybe a ghost? Do you ever watch me? Does it hurt seeing that I’m trying to move on? Does it hurt seeing these other boys in my bed?

This home was never really yours anyways. You have no claim here. I’ve always paid all of the bills, you just signed some silly little paper with me. But now you’re gone and it really is all mine. When we lived here together I never felt more alone. You never wanted to be here with me, always wanted to be somewhere with your friends. I always told myself you loved me. You loved me with your whole heart and soul. But if that’s true, why’d you always avoid me? Why would you act the way you did?

Sometimes I think about that day in the kitchen. You know what day I mean, the day I had a seizure in front of you for the first time. Your initial reaction was to be mad at me for spilling my cereal. You were mad at me. For something I couldn’t control. Then you left me there alone. I curled into a ball and cried for several hours on the kitchen floor. It wasn’t until months later when you went through my phone and saw me tell one of my friends about it that you felt bad. You came and apologized to me and I convinced myself you really were good.

Bryce. You we’re always friends with him. Even after knowing he assaulted me. I told you I didn’t care if you guys were friends and you believed me. You believed that I was fine with you being friends with a man who assaulted me. It was always a fight. You’d see how uncomfortable I was and I’d insist that I was fine. Why would you always rehash the fight? Why couldn’t you just let it be? I always told you: “I’m not your mother, I’m not going to tell you who you can and can’t be friend with. You’re old enough to make those calls for yourself.” I thought those words would make you realize that you were immature, but I guess in the end I was really just hammering the nail into the coffin. You never understood my point, you always just took it as “I don’t care what you do.” Why couldn’t you see that I wanted you to actively choose me over him?

I hate that I can’t have just good memories with you. Why is it that when I think about you, all of the negative stuff comes flooding out? Maybe it’s because I kept all of this to myself for 6 years, and now that you’re gone I don’t have to worry about you hearing it. I don’t have to worry about your reactions to my feelings anymore.

The more I talk about it, the more I wonder if our relationship was ever good. We’re we just toxic for each other and never realized? Was your death really the only way I could live my life peacefully? I wish we could’ve existed in a way that was positive, together. But now you’re gone and there’s nothing I can do to change that.

I feel so, empty. Not because of you, but because I don’t feel anything for your death. I miss you dearly, but I don’t cry or get upset about it very often. You were simply done playing and decided to log off forever. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel any particular way about it. You made a choice, this wasn’t just some accident, you actively made the choice. There are things I could’ve done that might have changed your choice, but I’m not really sure it would have. You had been so set on it for so long, and it’s not my fault I eventually cracked under the weight of your life. You can’t expect someone to bear the weight of your entire life and be fine. I’m sorry, I really am, that there are things I did that probably didn’t help in your decision.

I loved you, I really did.

#mentally fucked #obsessive thinking #borderline pd #bpd #bpd shit #yanderecore #irl yandere #I hate you #suicide #how to deal with death #I don’t feel anything #I miss you #s3lfharmm #tw #dumb rant #can’t believe you’re gone

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violetsystems · 2 years

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#personal

If anybody can trust anything about my time on earth, it's how many times I've stood up and called bullshit on things. This includes my own life often times and the last two years especially has been telling. I definitely had the vision for myself to move beyond things far before they ever collapsed. Back at the start of 2017 I flew to New York with intentions of restarting my music career sober. Five years later, nothing works including me. I think of music and blogging more as lily pads than anything. You assume people don't want to hire someone down the line that is a complete Borg. I've rewritten my resume eighteen times since I was let go from my job of twenty years. The entire time I've felt like I was selling myself to a brick wall. I come up with ideas to pass the time. The cybersecurity mixtape was a real attempt at bookending my careers so I could move on. To promote it, I took to Facebook of which I had been locked out of due to my old job hijacking my email address without warning. I've spent so much of my time proving I exist that I've renewed my passport with ten forms of identification. This was years ago but I have all the papers including a weird picture from a newspaper of me receiving confirmation at a church. But losing your Facebook without your consent is like being zeroed out completely. When it comes to proving you are still a live, a head shot on Facebook is the nail in the coffin. Everybody comes out of the woodwork. People who have been silent for years at this point. I read all these paragraph long job acceptance posts on LinkedIn often. "I was just like you. I was ghosted by the world and coworkers. I know how it feels when it happened to me. But after eight years I got the job with the arm and hammer company. Baking soda is your friend." And people ceremoniously congratulate you. I post a photo to my unlocked Facebook account with over a thousand friends and it's more a funeral than a parade. No one asks specifically what I've been doing. How I've been suffering. They want you to show the weakness so they can console and feel good about it. And the cast of people is the most telling. My old boss who left before they hired a CIO who fired everyone worth a shit is on there. He knows the pain more than anyone. That same boss and photo teacher that defended my ex girlfriend even after we broke up and she was fired from the job I helped her get. I helped a lot of people get jobs over the years. Some still work at the institution I got let go from. There's the very first girl I dated who was a recovering heroin addict who married the skinhead that excommunicated me back in college at the local denny's. Real top quality trash there. There's the people I met from Finland wandering South Korea alone who were probably spies. The day after I hung out with them in Seoul my room at the hostel was flooded with bed bugs. He had the nerve to ask how I was doing in spire of everything. I didn't answer. Why not ask your prime minister how it feels to be free enough to party?

America expects you to do all the heavy lifting when it comes to networking and pursuit of happiness. It says the key to your future is excavating the grave site of your past. And I often try to appear as if everything is normal and I am indeed alive. But the scientific method has proven to me more than once at my age that the past is an eyesore. You can always feel the vibe emanating from it like the stench in a graveyard from a zombie movie. You get ghosted and reconnect out of sanity. It's all waiting there with nothing relevant to say. People who have never clicked on anything you've ever shared are there because the algorithms curated your head shot. A highly contrasted and easy to parse avatar for whatever facial recognition keeps tabs on our identities across the globe. I keep up these pretentions because I don't want to be jobless forever. And yet the things I do are beyond the bare minimum other people contribute. You see, I know how much more talented I am next to everyone. Because I know how much I have risked in years compared to some dipshit edge lords on the internet half my age. I know how many times I've been followed around the world and swindled. I know how much of my information floats out there every day that people gape at. They talk constant shit behind my back because they have nothing better to do. And they have created largely a shadow like batman. A whisper of what I'm really capable of. And this scares the basic ass normal motherfuckers who thought they were better than me. I am myself. No one is like me. I have spent decades defending myself against the discourse cokeheads throw around idly in the club. And what do they actually have to show for it? Bullshit. Excuses. Mantras. Pre rehearsed arguments. Pranks. And I have to stand here for years and entertain a roast that never comes. I am never reconnecting to my past other than to have a super computer verify that I have nothing to do with anything but my own responsibilities for my own actions. I have no baggage from the past to take with me anywhere. I have nothing but horror and better judgement. People knew where I was all this time. And nobody in real life reached out. They set up a fake, cardboard town around me wondering if they could engineer a reconnection. Some reality show to profit off like disaster capitalism. Alec Baldwin presents the assistant director now streaming on peacock starring hologram Anne Heche. The big reveal in that show is to find out that those people are deathly afraid of something they don't understand. That they participated in my exit interview. Staged it for the cameras. And that my time as undercover boss putting up with any of this shit is ancient history.

I wouldn't ever say that about the people I've spent time with here on Tumblr. It's much different in a bizarre way. Although I've brought a lot of heat on myself in the real world for being open and honest. Everybody wants to test their mediocre beliefs about themselves on me. And if you know that this is just the same old cycle of jealousy, you know how bored I am with it. I hate it out here. I hate how people are so hyper fixated on the present that they don't realize it's worse than it was for me when you thought I was cool. Everything is fucking mediocre. Nobody tries. Everybody gets together and complains and does nothing about it. Nobody sees how confrontational and stupid things have become. You can't even enter your apartment without the garbage man trying to prove he's better than you because he has a job. I do have a job. I own a company. I never said it was profitable. I make a podcast about patches and then the next day every news media outlet is talking about patching your operating system like it's the end of the world. People know who I am. They make it a point to be seen like they're important enough to talk to whenever I take out my trash. They fucking steal ideas from me and never give me credit. Never throw me a bone. This has happened for decades and I have come to realize that this is America. A place that lies, cheats and acts nice about it so that you feel bad calling it out on it's punk ass bullshit. You need to get over feeling angry about knowing your worth. And people don't know how hard to hit back. There's a point when you no longer need to swing the bat. You are waiting for the umpire to call the walk. And here I am sitting at home plate every day spending my entire life savings waiting for somebody to acknowledge that I'm worth something. That's intentional. They want to break you down. They want me to believe that I'm nothing. And this is simply not fucking true. I'm about the only person on this website who wouldn't lie to you after what I've been through. Any one who talks shit about me who has never stared me in the eyes is a limp dick, flaccid pussy of an individual. And you need to start treating them as such. Because this doesn't get better for any of us if I go down like Jesus for a bunch of billionaires who dodge taxes in his name. Amen. <3 Tim

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otomes-world · 2 years

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34. “I’m just waiting it out until later when I can crawl into bed and cuddle you”

“I’m just waiting it out until later when I can crawl into bed and cuddle you. You don't mind, right, Name?"

You wouldn't be surprised if any other mobile game character said this phrase. Moreover, such a voice line, for sure, would be in Belphie`s profile, anyone else really, but not the character of Twisted Wonderland. Perhaps Silver was the most likely one to say such a thing, but nonetheless, this phrase sounded no less amazing from his mouth than from any other twst boy. Although to be honest, if this offer came from Leona, an army of goosebumps had long run down your back.

"Since when did twist change genre," you tried to defuse the atmosphere, trying not to notice that Silver looked more cheerful than usual. For the first time you saw that look in his eyes was so clear, not covered by drowsiness.

"Did I embarrass you?" The young man opened his mouth again, hammering another nail into your coffin. "I thought that our feelings are similar. Am I wrong?"Seeing that you did not answer, he began to approach, continuing to speak. "Have I offended you in some way? Tell me. I will try to improve."

You wanted to move away, but in the current situation, you could only stretch out your hands with the phone. You never saw Silver's face up close, if you could say that about a character in the game.

"It's stupid, crazy, but to check something. Can you hear me?" Everything that happened began to turn into the theater of the absurd, which, however, you heard only by hearsay. "Blink three times if you can."

Finishing the phrase, you held your breath when Silver blinked once, then a second, and finally, meeting your eyes, a third.

"What else can I do to make you believe in my existence?" Shaking his head to your completely terrified expression, the young man reached out and touched the screen where you held it with your fingers. "I swear I'll do whatever you ask."

list of prompt

#disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twst #twst oneshot #twst fic #twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twisted wonderland #silver x mc #yandere silver #silver x reader #twst silver #yandere sentient twst #sentient twst au #self aware twst au #twisted wonderland self aware au #self aware au

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kazewhara · 2 years

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shiloh bub i’m so sorry i’m flooding your ask box today, but the kazuha brainrot is particularly strong for me rn LMAO

okay okay here’s one last idea before i go pass out: fake dating kazuha BUT it’s YOUR idea since your parents are, well. not fun. or only one of them is a douche and you just wanna get back at them, so you explain it to kazuha and he immediately agrees to it (because, again, who wouldn’t want to piss a dumb parent off??)

best part is, it’s during the holidays - so the two of you will do your best to be the most insufferable, sappiest couple to ever exist over the course of december to january

but during the whole fake dating, one of you will end up catching feelings…. but dw it’s reciprocated 👀

OKAY I CAN’T HELP IT - SMALL DRABBLE TIME

“So what’s my place in this plan of yours?”

“Date me,” you say mischievously.

There’s a long moment of pause while Kazuha processes the proposition; he’s not dissecting the sincerity, only the angle. “What?”

“From the end of December to the end of January, at least,” you continue with a flourish. “You know how much my mom hates you. Ever since you chewed her out for that one time for like, abandoning me—“

“I remember.”

“—Yeah, so you can imagine how much she’ll hate having to support her kid’s new, budding romance in front of my dad. She’ll have a coronary.”

Kazuha’s lips quirk up at the vision, amused; he can’t deny the hilarity of it. Your mother was a woman hard to catch off-balance, prideful and arrogant and entirely unwilling to accept criticism; Kazuha had met her multiple times over the years, listened to her subtly point out your failures - which were objectively few and far between - without bothering to take a microscope to her own. The two of you in a relationship would absolutely drive her up on a wall, over the edge, hammer every nail in the coffin from the fall.

“That’s true,” he muses. “It definitely won’t be a waste of my time.”

“Plus, come on,” you say airily. “You’re hot. I’m hot. Our sexual tension is already through the roof. Nobody would suspect a thing.”

Kazuha laughs, somehow unexpecting of the remark despite the fact that you make them most, if not all of the time. “Well, when you put it like that,” you say, “why are we even pretending?”

“You got me there,” you say, winking. “I’ve been chasing you for years.”

“Maybe it’s your time,” Kazuha teases. “You’ve finally worn me down.”

“So you’ll do it?”

“Why not?” he says rhetorically, now fully warmed to the concept. “It’s a win-win. I spend my break with you and we drive your mom crazy in the process.”

You grin, raising a hand in a mock salute. “Cheers,” you say delightedly. “I can always count on you to support my bad ideas, Kaedehara.”

“Someone has to.”

- 📖

HELLOOOOO

#z box #z anon #📖 anon #don't you ever apologize for writing in my inbox 🔫#ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN ITS THIS GOOD DAMMIT #this reads like a really good novel honestly.. i'm HOOKED #kazuha x reader

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sharktoothedboys · 3 years

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Lips Of An Angel, Part 2

Here it is guys!! Part two!! Thank you for being patient with me!! and because you asked nicely I tagging @marshmallow12435 because you wanted to know when I posted!! So here goes! Enjoy everyone!!

====================================================

Shot ran until he thought his lungs might give out, he was hoping he would catch up to you before you even made it to Katsuki’s, if that was where you were even headed? No he couldn’t think like that, He was going to find you there.

There is was, just up ahead, Katsuki’s home, The lights were on, that’s a good sign right? It was almost 2am! Surely that had to mean you were there. He reached the door and began to hammer on it, Frantic, but he didn’t care, He needed to explain, or at least try to.

A very disgruntled Bakugo finally answered the door.

“She doesn’t wanna see you, Asshole.” He snapped a soon as he opened the door.

Shoto was trying to catch his breath on the blondes porch.

“I don’t care what you tell me she said, i need to speak to her.” He managed to get out between breaths.

He tried to push his way past the explosive hero, but to no avail, Bakugo stopped him.

“I said she doesn’t wanna see you.” He said eerily calm.

They angrily stared each other down at the front door, Bakugos grip on Shotos arm tightened, small crackles could be heard and the temperature in the room began to noticeably drop as the two heroes continued their stare down.

“Katsuki...” Your feeble voice came from behind the mountain of a man, “Its ok, i’ll handle it.”

Shoto looked behind Bakugo, his eyes widened in shock and sadness as he took in your dishevelled hair, red eyes and puffy cheeks, he had caused all this hurt, you let out a sniffle and he thinks he feels his heart break, This was all his fault. He snatches his arm away from Bakugos grip and quickly makes his way over to you, reaching for your hands, only to visibly wince when you retreat them from his reach, not letting him hold your hands in his.

“Say what you came to say, and leave.” You said, as you stared at you hands, picking at the loose skin around your nails, a habit of yours. “I already know all the important parts, so don’t try and play the victim here”

“No please, YN. I am not here to try and talk my way out of anything, what i have done is awful” He says sadly, “But please here me out.”

Bakugo interrupts. “I’ll be in the kitchen, YN if you need me to kick this guys ass, just shout.” He makes to leave, but not without harshly bumping in to Shotos shoulder first. Making you smirk a little. Petty, but you didn’t care.

“Thanks Suki.” You mutter, eyes still glued to your hands, still yet to look Shoto in the eye.

Shoto guides you to the sofa and sits down besides you, feeling the pain when you shuffle away from him being to close.

“I love you...” He begins but is quickly cut off.

“Don’t, Just don’t give me that bullshit, I don’t need you to lie to my face as well as behind my back, stop trying to make yourself feel better about doing something shitty. I don’t need your pity and your excuses, If that’s all you have to say then leave.”

“I can’t lie to you anymore, because I truly do love you, Please believe me.”

“WHY SHOULD I?!” You yell, forcing yourself to your feet to pace around, “Give me one good fucking reason as to why I should believe a god damn word that comes out your mouth! You have apparently done nothing but lie to me from the start! Everything you have ever said to me has been a lie, EVERYTHING!”

“NO Y/N!! I never lied to you, everything i ever said was true, every compliment, every i love you, everything was true, just please let me explain.”

“And what? I am meant to be grateful now?” You spit back.

“No, just please...”

you looked down at his desperate facial expression, you could see it in his eyes, sincerity, maybe you should just let him explain himself properly.”

“You have 5 minutes.” You huffed as you sank back down in to the sofa.

“Thank you.” He said, then silence engulfed the two of you, Where did he even begin?

“4 minutes left.” You stated.

“Right” He sighed deeply, “Well as you probably gathered from the phonecall, there has been...”

“No shit Sherlock” You snapped, you were beyond sad now, Shoto turning up and taking his sweet time had just made you mad, in fact it made you furious. He blinked back at your bluntness, he wasn’t used to you not being patient with him or swearing so much, he was taken aback. You had never snapped at him before. “Just get on with it Todoroki or I swear.”

That was it, hearing his family name slip from your lips instead of the usual Shoto made him snap, tears threatening to pour down his pink cheeks.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” You snapped when you saw the tears. “You have absolutely no right to cry in front of me right now.”

“I can’t help it, hearing you call me by my surname feels like the final nail in the coffin.”

“If you don’t get on with it we’ll both be in coffins.” You muttered, “Now just tell me what you wanna say.”

“There has always been someone else that has also had my heart.” He said, wiping the tears away, “She shrouded my mind and for a while she was all i could think about, even after we met, I just couldn’t seem to get her off my mind, But the closer we got, the more she faded away, eventually I found myself barely thinking of her, and smiling around you a lot more. Just as a I found myself fully falling for you, she clawed her way back in to my life, and it was like she had never left, like I was under some kind of spell for her. I couldn’t bring myself to hurt you, I really was falling hard for you, But I also kept finding myself in her embrace, I am sorry for what I have done, truly, because after tonight’s phone call, I saw you were gone and I just instantly knew, I felt it in my bones that you were the one I needed in my life, the one i wanted and desired the most. The panic that washed over me at the thought of you not being in my life, Imagining not waking up to you every morning, No more loving kisses, no more breakfasts together before going off to work, no more evening cuddles while a forgotten movie played in the background, I couldn’t not have you in my life, and i promise to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, If you could just find it in your heart to give me one last chance, Just come home with me and forget any of this ever happened, to please, just forgive me and let me hold you again.”

A few tears rolled down your cheeks as you cupped his face with your hands, he automatically leaned in to your touch, he looked in to your eyes and gave you a small smile, which you returned, and he closed his eyes in contentment....

“Is that it?” You sighed

His eyes snapped open as you let go of his face, staring straight in to your stoic eyes that gave nothing away. Emotionless.

“Di you really think something like that pathetic little speech was going to get me to come home and welcome you back with open arms, when our whole relationship was built on a rebound that you didn’t even get over? You want me to just up and forgive you after 3 years of deceit? You think its gonna be all sunshine and rainbows? No, I don’t trust you and you want to follow you home like a loyal puppy and play happy families and pretend like none of this happened!!”

You stop to catch your breath, standing and running your hands through your hair, A speechless Shoto sat staring at you as you continued with your rant.”

“What? Nothing to say? Did you not prepare for the possibility I wasn’t going to return to you, what like I am so lucky in life to be with the great Shoto Todoroki? Well, as it turns out, I am shit outta luck! And so are you!! Tough luck Todoroki! TOUGH FUCKING LUCK! This isn’t some sappy RomCom where you say a few nice things about me and I come running back to you, I’m not some pathetic lonely woman who thinks she will never find love again, who thinks she has nothing else in her life worth living for because some asshole cheated on her, I am not someone who has no other options because some lying cheating scumbag bastard strung her along for 3 years, NO! Not me, I have a life still to live, and I don’t need you in it. But I do want an answer, so give me one. Who is she?”

He stared open mouthed at your heavily breathing frame, Should he tell you? Would you kill her? What does he do now? Just as he was about to open his mouth the door opened and he suddenly didn’t have to say anything, In walked Camie, Bakugo’s long time girlfriend, and from the shock on her face and the look on Shoto’s as he stared at her presence, It didn’t take a genius to figure it out.

“Sh... Todoroki... YLN.. what...what are you guys doing here so late?” She asked, a lump in her throat as she did.

You looked from her to Shoto, and you knew.

“It’s you...” You said, “Its been you all along..”

Camie just stands there like a dear in the headlights, her gaze flitting from you to Shoto, begging him with her eyes for an ounce of backup.

“ I....” Tears began to pour freely down her face.

“KATSUKI!!!” You screamed.

“NO! PLEASE!” She lunges towards you, grabbing your arm.

“What? and just let my best friend continue his life with an unfaithful whore?”

You yelled at her as Bakugo shot in from the kitchen, just in time to witness you thro Camie from your grasp on to the ground.

“Woah!!” He yelled, heading for Camie, but you stopped him, “ What the hell is going on here?”

“It’s her” you said calmly looking down at the girl, who was now her knees, crying at your feet. “It’s her who has been fucking Todoroki for almost my entire relationship with him!”

Bakugo just stared down at her, eyes wide, His gaze turned to Shoto, who was sat on the couch, his face in his hands as his shoulders shook from silently crying. Bakugo saw red. His head lowered, his teeth grinding together, His Palms crackling loudly around his balled up fists, He was about to step forward until he felt your hand on his shoulder.

“They are not worth it, either of them.”

He calmed down slightly at your words and touch and looked you in the eye, you smiled and he returned the smile.

“Just one question,” He stated boldly, looking down at Camie, “Di you ever love me? Or did you just choose me to get closer to this bastard?”

She looked up at him, her silence speaking volumes, That was all he needed.

“Get the fuck out, both of you.” He fumed

“But where am I meant to go?”

“Do it look like i give a shit about where you go, end up in a ditch for all I care, why don’t you go to lover boys house with him, Whore.”

“She is no longer welcome at my place.” Shoto said as he stood up heading for the door, not without giving you one last apologetic smile.

“Katsuki, please.” Camie begged holding on to the hem of his shirt from he place still on the floor.

“NO! You don’t get to call me that anymore, Now I aid, get out.”

He bent down grabbing her by the collar of her coat and literally throwing her out the door, Shot still stared at you sadly as the door was slammed in both thier faces. He had really fucked up, and he knew deep down there was nothing he do to fix it.

He stared longingly at the door, until Camie tried to grab his hand, that he snatched away.

“Don’t touch me, this is all your fault, I was just getting over you! I had found someone I could love, who I DID love, why did you haver to come back and ruin everything for me!? I am going home, don’t follow me.”

He storms off leaving her in the street alone to sort out her own situation, He was done with her, he wouldn’t let her ruin his life again.

Back in Bakugo’s house you slumped down on the sofa, your head on your hands, tears wanting to fall but you not quite letting them.

“He isn’t worth it.” Bakugo said in a calm voice, a hand around your back, drawing small circles along the small of it to calm you down. You look at him smiling and padding your eyes with your hands to stop the tears, “ You know I am right.” He smiles down at you.

“Yeah, you’re always right. Aren’t you?” You giggle back at him.

“You know it, sweetheart.” He laughs, “Now come one we should get some shut eye, we are both on patrol tomorrow. You can stay here as long as you need to.”

“Shit, Patrol. My hero uniform and everything is all at that hom... Todorokis place.”

“Don’t worry, make me a list and ill swing by in the morning for your uniform, you have bought the essentials right?”

You nod at him

“Right well I’ll get you some fresh sheets for the guest room, lets sleep.”

You yawned and followed him to the guest room and he got you the fresh sheets he promised and bid you a goodnight as he went to his room.

The next morning, Bakugo was true to his word and went to Shoto’s house to collect your hero uniform and a few other things as specified in the list he asked you to write for him. He arrived, ringing the doorbell and waiting for an answer. He eventually opened the door, he looked like shit.

“Bakugo.” He seethed

“Asshole.” Bakugo replied.

After they exchanged their greetings, Bakugo made his way inside, explaning you had sent him for the bits you needed.

“Is she okay?” Shoto asked sheepishly.

“You don’t get to know that.” Bakugo spat back as a reply.

“Come on Bakugo, at least let me know she is okay?”

“You threw away the right you had to know anything about her or her life.”

Shoto stared down at the blonde as he packed a few of your belongings into the bag he bought with him.

“Oh my god...” Shoto realized. “ You’re still in love with her aren’t you?”

“Always was, always will be.” Bakugo replied without missing a beat, he smiled up at the dual haired man, “ Your loss will be my gain.”

He zipped up the bag and stood besides Shoto. Shoto’s left side began to ignite a little out of jealousy and rage.

“Go ahead IcyHot, do your worst, I’ll just go home and have YN patch me up while i tell her what a monster you are.”

With that said, his flames extinguished, He didn’t want you to think he was a monster, even though it is what he deserved.

“Just treat her better than I ever did.” Shot said quietly.

“That won’t be difficult.”

That stung.

Bakugo stepped past Shoto, leaving him behind with just his thoughts and memories.

He made it back to his house, he entered only to be hit with the smell of bacon and eggs, a smile creeped on to his face, he could get used to this domestic life bullshit, coming home to a cooked meal everyday sounded great. He decided there and then that he wasn’t going to waste another second of his life with out you. He walked in to the kitchen gaining you attention.

“Hey Kats....” You were cut off by his lips slamming down on to yours, You were still for a few seconds while you figured out what ws happening, and then you melted in to his embrace as you returned the kiss, you felt his smile on your lips as the kiss deepened.

He begrudgingly broke the contact.

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that.” He whispered against your lips that were still very close to his own, his arms tightening around your waist.

“Then show me, Suki.” You said as you returned you lips to his and kissed him with all the passion you had.

You were sure he has the lips of an Angel

===================================================

@marshmallow12435

There we go guys!! Part 2!!! I absolutely LOVED writing this story, so I hope you all enjoy it too. It deffo my new fave! Please like and follow I would be eternally grateful!!

#shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #katsuki x reader #bakugo x reader #angst #my hero academia #mha #shoto angst #katsuki fluff #lips of an angel #loved this #enjoy #my hero academia scenario #scenario #head canon #fiction #story #part 2

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wendimydarling · 3 years

Text

Please Don’t Leave Me

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Summary: Talking about our past is not easy. What happens when it’s finally time to share what you’ve been through with Henry?

Pairing: Henry x First Person Reader

Word Count: 1635

Warnings: Angst; mention of being yelled at, personal hurt, self-harm, attempted suicide, emotional neglect, parental abuse, beginning stages of a panic attack, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and fear of abandonment. (If there’s anything I missed, just let me know and I’ll add it).

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY FREYA! I know it’s next week, but I’ll be off Tumblr because it falls on Thanksgiving this year. You asked me for this fic and I wanted to do right by you, as you’ve done so much for me. I love you, bish!

It had been a rough day. And not just your typical rough, I’m talking the kind of rough where you spill your coffee all over your blouse in the car, end up being late for work, forget your lunch, and get yelled at by the boss kind of rough. The kind of rough where every traumatizing past event in your life comes bubbling to the surface. The kind of rough where you want nothing more than to crawl back into your bed and sleep for seven years, and it’s only nine-thirty in the morning.

The one saving grace I held on to as I counted down the minutes of my shift was that Henry would be home tonight, waiting for me. God, I don’t know how I got so lucky, but somehow that kind and gentle soul had seen through the cracked and broken wall that I kept as my only defense mechanism, and had chosen me anyway. He knew some of my past and pain, but I hadn’t opened up about everything; I wasn’t ready to lose him, and I knew he’d be out the door once he heard it all. Just like everyone else. Perhaps that was selfish of me, but for once in my life, I knew what it felt like to be loved, and I was soaking in every ounce I could of that sweet nectar before it was gone.

Finally, finally, my work day was over. I headed to his place as fast as I safely could, anxious and burdened with unwelcome memories. The delicious smell of roast flooded my nostrils as I opened the door and Kal came bounding over. I noticed as I toed off my pumps and tamed the wild beast that Henry had built a fire, and gratitude filled my heart. He always seemed to know exactly what I needed, sometimes even before I did. I headed toward the kitchen, following my nose.

“Hey love,” Henry smiled wide, already pouring me a glass of red. He swallowed me in a warm embrace, his chin planted on the top of my head, and my body tucked firmly in his arms. I melted, sinking into the security of his hug and letting the stress of the previous hours wash away. I was here, he was home, and I was safe.

We ate quietly, talking here and there about random facts or tidbits. I pushed the food around on my plate, taking a bite here and there to satisfy Henry but I could sense him watching me carefully; his concern was evident, but he covered it well, masking it with simple questions or well-timed caresses. Even so, his next question caught me off guard, my fork halfway to my mouth.

“Will you tell me about it?”

The silverware clattered to the plate, forgotten in my fear. This is it, I thought, tonight’s the night I lose him forever. My chest constricted and I could feel the panic slowly rising, tears welling and threatening to spill. Henry quickly grabbed my hand and shushed me, cupping my face in nurturing kindness.

“You don’t have to,” he comforted, and I closed my eyes, exhaling the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Henry soothed his thumb over my cheek before pulling me onto his lap, cradling my head in his large hands. I burrowed deep into his chest, letting his scent wash over me in calming waves.

“I just want to help,” I heard Henry whisper. I sighed; he was right, it was time for him to know. I looked up at him, staring at that beautiful face that held so much promise. A face that said so much in just a look, with eyes that sparkled like the heavens whenever they landed on me. Once again, I wondered why his eyes looked like that when it was me they were viewing, but I shoved it aside. Self-deprecation would not help, not right now. Nodding softly, I tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out. I couldn’t tell him, not out loud. I dropped my head in defeat.

Henry shifted me off his lap, grabbing my hand and walking us to his desk. He sat in his gaming chair and patted his thigh, tugging on my arm. I hesitated, confused.

“Come here, love,” he encouraged, guiding me to sit. With both of us facing the computer, he opened a word document and offered me the keyboard.

“If you’re unable to say it out loud,” Henry crooned in my ear, kissing softly under my lobe, “Then write it. I’ll read it as you type, and neither of us has to say anything.”

This man. I swear to god. Relief flooded through me, though anxiety pounced instantly as I was reminded that once we were done, he would be gone. No one else had stayed, my problems were much too great... Why should he be the one to bear the burden of me? I took a deep breath anyway and eyed the screen, my fingertips trembling over the instrument of my demise.

Where should I even begin? Should I go all the way back to the beginning, to my birth? How I was nothing but a mistake, and every day I was reminded as such? Or maybe I should tell him what the scars are from? Perhaps I should simply tell him about failed relationship after failed relationship, both romantic and non. Those are all fun tales, I had no doubt he’d love to hear all about them. Maybe he wanted to know the amount of times I’ve come close to admitting defeat and ending everything. Spoiler alert… that number’s higher than it should be.

I swallowed thickly and began typing, slow and hesitant words forming on the page. Every thought was carefully constructed, worked over in my mind at least five times before I allowed it to leave my fingers. Henry’s comforting arms were wrapped tightly around my waist, his chin nestled on my shoulder as he read what I shared. Tears slowly brimmed in my eyes, kept at bay only by sheer force of will. Each stroke of a key sounded like a hammer hitting the nails in our relationship’s inevitable coffin; surely he wouldn’t, couldn’t love me after this. No one could. It’s simply too much for anyone to bear, too awful… too hard.

And yet in my ear were the sounds of something different. Encouraging grunts, empathetic hums. Henry kept his promise, he never said a word except for one small sigh of “oh, love” as I hit a particularly difficult moment. His hands rubbed my sides, kisses left tiny wet imprints on my cheek, and every now and then he would squeeze tighter, small reassurances to keep going.

The words started pouring out of me. I couldn’t have stopped myself if I tried; Every struggle, every loss, every tiring moment; every single thing that had ever happened to me found its way into that document in a flurry of clacking plastic. My hands moved of their own free will and the tears started to flow; long, silent trails of pain releasing years worth of pent up anger and hurt. The salty drops fell onto Henry’s forearms but he just left them there, rooted to his task of protecting me. I would miss how safe I felt in the protection of his arms.

The final sentence fell out of my hands, and I immediately turned and buried my face into Henry’s shoulder, bitter sobs wracking my frame as I clung to his neck.

“Please don’t leave me,” I begged, ashamed of myself for being so needy and undesirable. I expected him to untangle himself from my arms, to get up and open the door to excuse me from his home. To force me to leave his life and never return.

The last thing I expected was for him to burst out laughing.

I snapped my head up and stared at him in horror, which only made him laugh harder.

“I’m so sorry,” he wheezed, “I really shouldn’t be laughing. It’s just… I know why you think I would leave you, it’s all right there on the computer, but you have nothing to worry about.”

Henry wiped his eyes and mine and cupped my face, still chuckling.

“You think so little of yourself that you can’t see just how worthy you are,” he murmured, adoration and mirth mingling in his eyes as he tucked my hair behind my ear. I furrowed my brow and pressed my face into his palm, relishing the cooling sensation of calm that his skin brought.

“I know what it’s like to feel how you do,” Henry went on softly, “To feel unwanted and undeserving. But I’m not going to walk away from a flower as strong, as rare, and as beautiful as you just because she’s got a few bruises. I love you just the way you are.”

His admonition shocked the both of us. He loves me? I tried to process what he’d just said, but my mind was raw and I couldn’t think straight. He loves me.

“Yes, I love you,” Henry repeated as though he could read my thoughts, clasping my jaw and looking me straight in the eye. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere… I’m not going to leave you.”

I smiled widely as tears spilt over once more, happiness bursting from my heart. With anyone else I’d be doubtful, I’d have hightailed it on my own after a proclamation like that before the other shoe dropped... before they could hurt me worse. But this wasn’t anyone else, this was Henry. And being with him made me brave, which is why I found words leaving my lips that I never thought I’d ever say again.

“I love you, too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#henry cavill #henry cavill fic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill rpf #angst #fluff #birthday fic #littlefreya

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