#ivan did because he had no idea what was going on so he can't be sure it wasn't his fault | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stinkyme · 7 months

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Hello! As you've chosen on the poll, this is part three of Nowhere else to go. I hope you like it and enjoy it! :) <3

Part one, Part two, Part four (coming soon)

CW/TW: SFW, gn!reader, more memories (all made up), reader meets up with Fyodor, manipulation, guilt tripping, faint trauma bonding, itty bitty fluff, Fyodor uses "my dear" a couple of times, if I forgot anything please let me know! :)

This part is mostly focused on reunion, there were other things I wanted to add, but I think it's okay for it to end here. There will be two more parts :D

* Now...y'all remember how Fyodor can kind of mess with people's minds like he did to Mushitaro and possibly Ivan? Yeah, that's why he is touching the reader ☺️ (not inappropriately)

I apologize for any mistakes in advance! :)

A demon's fool || Fyodor Dostoevsky x Reader

After thinking for a while, you got ready and quickly got on a train. You weren't sure what you wanted to do, but you knew you wanted to see Fyodor. Figuring that once you see him, you will get a clear answer as to what to do and what choice to make.

Train is awfully slow, it's heavily raining so there is traffic everywhere. You check the piece of paper once more, silently hoping he didn't leave the place yet. You lean your head on the window, watching the drops of rain slide down the glass. This day could be peaceful. You sigh, thinking about a man you've just met. Nikolai, was it? He had some fair points, but he seems like a lunatic. Or perhaps…?

Perhaps he made lunatic points, but with a fair reasoning behind them. It's confusing to you. Your love for Fyodor and awareness about who he is, keep on fighting inside of you. Logically speaking, the smartest and least painful move would be to move. To not leave a single trace behind. To forget him. To cherish those little moments of intimacy and closeness you shared. The ones that meant everything to you and nothing to him, by his own words.

So why? Why do you keep on fighting for him? There is a part of you that feels responsible to love him. No, there was a part of you that used to feel responsible to love him. Because of what he went through. You thought it was your duty to love him, but eventually it turned into real love.

Perhaps, it was a real love from the very beginning, just slightly pushed by feelings of responsibility. Because, truthfully, you could never forget how his eyes had a glimpse of gratefulness, even though he only said it once. You could never forget holding his hand when you were young children and enjoying the beautiful sunshine of a hot summer in big fields filled with flowers.

How, before everything bad that happened, he taught you how to tie flowers together to make a crown. How he taught you some random facts and always seemed so excited about them. How he never misbehaved besides stealing more books than he was allowed to take with him. How he would get caught every single time because he was too weak to carry them all. How everyone laughed and how embarrassed he looked.

Sometimes, he would steal sweets as well, sharing them with you and his siblings. That was a secret you all would keep, giggling from excitement and blaming the lack of sweets on ghosts only to be scolded.

How his mother used to brush his hair on their porch, humming some sweet song to him. The same song he would hum to you later. The same song you learned so you could hum it to him when the moment feels right. The same song that made him smile at you.

But then, it all came to an end. So, perhaps there was no responsibility as much as hope. A pure hope that those days will come back. That you will be able to grow old with him in a way you used to.

Through softness, laughter, love, delicacy, innocence and pure emotions. It seems like a fool's dream, but to you it means everything. You centered your whole life around him, and as much as the idea of hating him seems easier than the reality of loving him, you simply can't. You could never hate Fyodor. And he knew that too.

You finally arrive in front of his hideout. Rain is pouring and the hideout looks...old and unsettling. It's made out of low quality bricks, some of them have pieces crumbling down. There are dying roots spreading between the cracks. Wooden doors seem old and heavy. You cautiously walk closer, checking your surroundings. However, there is nothing. It seems like an abandoned forest, if you could count, what seems like, ten huge trees around it as one.

Sky is gray, it's hard to look at it. You don't have a good, nor a bad feeling. It's hard to say do you have any feelings at all currently, unsure as to what to do. You have no clue what you will tell him.

You hesitantly push the door open, a squeaky sound making you panic for a moment. You look around, while also trying to focus on any sounds that may come your way.

It's darker inside, it seems like there is no light bulb. There are doors on your right. You slowly open those, barely using your fingertips to hold the weak knob. It looks like a tiny storage room, however it's empty. You slowly walk around, nothing else is to be heard besides your footsteps.

There are no stairs, only one window on the left that seems half-broken. You walk deeper inside the house, observing everything that may give you some clue about Fyodor's whereabouts. You hear a small, weak squeaky sound and turn around quickly. It's a mouse. How fitting. You stomp your foot a bit harsher and it quickly runs away.

This is beyond an unsettling place. You reach the back of the house, there is only one room that doesn't even have doors. It only contains one bed and a nightstand. It's questionable if the bed is even functional, or were the sheets washed.

Lack of noises makes you notice how fast your heart is beating, slight commotion settling in your chest. You walk towards the nightstand, and it seems there is nothing on it. Not even in a small, barely slidable drawer. You sigh in disappointment, it seems that he left before you got here.

You take a look underneath the table, just in case. Maybe he left a note. You are met with another failure when you notice another door on your right, in a white color that was breaking at places. It seems like a bathroom, and you explore through it quickly given that there was nothing. Besides a lot of spider-webs in corners, a half-used soap and an old, plastic, green cup on the sink - there were no signs of life.

You go back into the room, checking underneath the bed. There was absolutely nothing besides the dust. It makes you cough a bit as you stand up, checking beneath the pillow and covers. There was nothing on the bed, so you check inside of the pillowcase. You sigh in annoyance as there is nothing inside. You squat down, again checking the bottom side of the nightstand, just in case you missed an area.

"Looking for something?" a voice that is a mixture of silkiness and annoyance makes your blood freeze.

It's him.

Your whole body remains still for a good moment before you swallow, turning around to face him.

His figure is tall compared to your position, additionally covered by his coat. His gaze looks irritated, but there is a polite smile on his face. He is blocking your exit and you notice that there are no windows in this room.

"I was looking for you." your voice is unsteady as you slowly straighten up, but still not moving anywhere.

"And why would you look for me underneath a nightstand?" his voice is flat, you almost want to chuckle from this and your nervousness.

"I was...looking for a note." you choose honesty this time.

"A note?" his voice grows slightly confused.

"I thought you left, and I wanted to see if you left a note." your voice is a bit calmer now.

"Why would I leave a note?" he asks, tone cold.

You were screwing up. You knew Fyodor hated when people like you tried to read him or predict him. As if he would leave a written note for you. At the best, it would be a coded message no one can understand, but a very few people. Chosen ones. And you were not one of them. You knew that much. Although, every bone in your body was aching to be one.

"I don't know, but...I did come here looking for you. So, once I couldn't find you, I-" your voice is cautious, even though you were telling the truth.

"Why is that?" he gives you a little smile as he walks up to you, slowly sitting down on the bed. He takes his ushanka off, and you notice that it's not wet. In fact, his shoes aren't even wet. How long was he here for and how did you miss it?

You feel a lump forming inside your throat, unsure what to do. There was always a lingering uneasiness when you were with him, but today was different. It was painfully eerie. Your body feels frozen. You regret coming here.

"I...was worried. I wanted to check how you are doing and are your wounds healing properly." your voice is barely to be heard, there was a part that was worried, but the real reason was different.

"Is that so?" his voice is breathy, eyes closed as the anxiety settles beneath your skin.

"You are so kind. Even after I treated you the way I did, you came all the way here to check up on me." his tone is steady, silky and you can't find any maliciousness in it.

You let out a nervous chuckle, slightly adjusting your clothes as you nod.

"Ah, forget about that, I understand-"

"How about you tell me the real reason why you are here instead of trying to make a fool out of me?" his tone is cold and sharp. His gaze is exactly the same, you can't look away from it.

It feels like he has you nailed in place, your whole body and mind at his disposal. You manage to find the strength to gulp, barely blinking as a rush of coldness spreads through your body.

"I-"

"Be very cautious of your answer." his tone pierces through your body.

There is a dark, dreadful and heavy feeling crushing your shoulders and squeezing your chest. It feels like an entity was hugging you, but with a desire to break every bone inside your body. Physically, you are above Fyodor, but it feels like you are at the mercy of his palm.

You felt abandoned by him before, you felt anxiety and fear around him, but you craved his approvance. You craved him, but now you felt...threatened by him. The way you never did before.

"Nikolai. I met Nikolai. He gave me an address." you let out quickly and he doesn't seem satisfied.

"He told me to..-, he wants to kill you." your voice is becoming unsteady as you notice deeper disapproval on Fyodor's face.

"He wanted me to join you and...help him." you feel ashamed of your own words.

There is a sudden, intrigued sparkle in Fyodor's eyes. He slowly stands up, his frame feeling bigger than usual. More suffocating. It feels like you can't move even if you try to.

"I take it…" he slowly spreads his hand towards you, putting it on top of your head, slightly covering your forehead.

"...that you tricked him into giving you an address and came to warn me, correct?" he has a sly smile on his face.

His hand feels heavy, it feels like your mind is completely exposed to him. You can't do anything. It's terrifying. Fear pierces through your bones, making your body shake and twitch in places.

You barely nod, like a coward.

"I figured. You could never hurt me, am I correct?" his tone is low, his hand now feels like it's crushing your skull without actual consequences.

You gulp, weakly nodding again.

"I know. You truly are too kind, but also...quite an intelligent move. Not just anyone can trick Nikolai." his tone is dark, you know he saw through your lies, or rather, lack of truths.

He slowly removes his hand away from your head, sighing. You still feel frozen, thankful to be alive, but unsure of what is next.

"I know he wants to kill me. He is the one who left me in such a pitiful state after all." his tone holds a certain sorrow, as he looks away from you.

"He told me that." you reply softly.

"But, not entirely on his own, of course. The other people I want to cleanse this world from helped him." he sighs, voice holding a heavier sorrow now.

Your fingers tremble, you knew his plan was terrible, but you didn't know everything. If those people are just like that guy you've met.., if all of them are capable of hurting Fyodor like this, then just maybe…

"He didn't tell you the whole story, it seems. Don't trust clowns, my dear." his voice is softer, gaze pitiful.

His voice sends shivers through your body, you haven't heard him say that in a very long time. Your heart flutters, as you become more relaxed.

"He told me that you are his friend." your voice is quieter, as you were trying not to disturb him.

"Perhaps, but he wasn't mine, as you can tell." he sighs and you feel an urge to comfort him, but contain yourself as much as possible.

"I am sorry." your voice is gentle.

Fyodor gives you a little smile, closing his eyes for a moment. He delicately puts his hand on top of your head again, this time it gives you a feeling of comfort. A sense of trust. A sense of serenity.

"No need to be. After all, I don't need anyone else as long as I have you. Can't you see that you are the only one I can rely on?" he whispers, gently rubbing his fingertips over your scalp.

You feel hesitant, but there is a part inside of you that is urging you to help him. You want to give into his words.

"I was harsh with you, wasn't I? You didn't deserve such awful treatment." his tone is quieter, a sense of sympathy melting off of his tongue.

Your heart flutters, it feels...oddly comforting to hear this from him. You feel understood and seen. It makes all the pain melt away, feelings of warmth returning to your heart.

"A little bit, but I chose the wrong moment to...confess." you say shyly, your body slowly relaxing under his touch and words.

"Don't blame yourself, my dear. The sole reason I did it the way I did was to protect you. I failed, given that Nikolai found you. I am just glad you made it out alive." his tone is soft, and he slowly moves his hand down, gently cupping your cheek. He slides his thumb over it, eyes filled with...regret?

It makes your heart speed up, as your body grows warm. You always imagined what his touch would feel like, given that you only felt it on your hands. It feels better than you could ever make it out to be.

His hand is cold, but soft. So soft. Secure and delicate. Freeing. It makes you want to close your eyes, lean into it, and stay like that for as long as possible.

"I could never forgive myself if something were to happen to you. You are too valuable to me. Now more than ever." he whispers, his voice forming a soft, sweet knot inside your tummy.

He slowly moves his hand away from your face, using the back of his index finger to brush over your other cheek.

"God may forgive me for making such a foolish mistake. This is why I would like you to join me. If we are together at almost all times, nothing would happen to you. Or me. Don't you agree?" he gives you a warm smile, his touch sending tingles down your body.

You nod, smiling at him.

"Remember how we used to be by each other's side all the time when we were young?" he chuckles and your smile widens.

"Of course I do." you chuckle yourself, eyes sparkling.

He pauses for a moment, gaze fixated on your lips, deep and unreadable.

"I like this look on you." he says softly, gently cupping your cheek again as he brushes his thumb over the small line at the edge of your happily curled lips.

"But, I must ask, do you also remember what happened the first time we parted?" his voice changes to a pitiful one, and your smile drops as well as you remember his family.

Ah, that's correct. Now you remember. That day you haven't seen each other at all. You can't remember why, or where you have been. All you can remember are the screams, insults and prayers of people.

Was he...leaving you behind all this time as a form of punishment?

You nod weakly, hesitant to say anything.

"Alas, it's your choice." he sighs, slowly moving his hand away from you. It makes your body move towards him, in desperate need for him to touch you once more.

He slowly pulls away, giving you a sorrowful gaze.

"I understand if you don't wish to stay with half of the man I used to be. I won't force you to." he nods, almost shamefully readjusting his coat on the side where the wound of his missing arm was.

"If you wish to end me now, I wouldn't fight it. It would be an honor to die by your clement hands." he smiles, closing his eyes, remaining still.

There is pure tranquility on his face, regardless of being vulnerable in your eyes.

It makes you take a quick deep breath in, a sudden feeling of guilt spreading inside your tummy. It's abrupt, it makes you think about how you even let Nikolai speak to you for so long. There is hatred inside of you. Hatred towards him for hurting Fyodor and towards yourself for even considering helping him.

The person you wanted to help this whole time was Fyodor. If this is the only way to do it, if this can turn your foolish hope into a reality, if this can free him, if this can make Fyodor love you, then…

"I said I could never hurt you and I meant that." your voice is steady and secure. You made a decision.

Fyodor's eyes widen for a moment.

"I will do it. I will join you." you nod, giving him a little smile.

Fyodor smiles back, a little chuckle escaping his throat.

"How could I ever doubt you?" he spreads his hand towards you, gently taking yours.

"Thank God for your kind heart. You truly are the only one I can put my trust in." he whispers, gently kissing the top of your hand.

It makes warmth spread beneath your cheeks, your body feeling safe after such a long time. You smile at him, feeling content with your decision. This was the right call to make, and there must be a reason you chose it now. Everything feels like it's falling in the right place.

Your sense of hope is now bigger than ever. There is an excitement inside your body, you can already see the end you were hoping for. It feels warm. It reminds you of a blissful childhood. The promising future, the freedom - it's all palpable.

You feel chosen by him. Just like you always wanted. Yes, he wanted you to join him before, but you never knew he thought of you that highly. He was praising you before, but after that night, this feels...more genuine. Honest. A new beginning.

You can't contain your smile, not aware that your innocent heart is soon to be tainted.

You became a demon's fool.

The End :) <3

I hope you liked it and enjoyed it! Part four should be posted soon :) <3

Thank you so much for all your love and support, it truly means a lot to me! :D <3

Forehead kisses for everyone :3

#fyodor x reader #fyodor dostoevsky x reader #fyodor x you #fyodor x y/n #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #bsd fic #bsd imagines

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rose-sophia-isabella-rogers · 3 months

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A Steel That Went Through Hottest Fire: Chapter XX - An Arrow in the Quiver

Chapter Summary: It's time to face Fjerda. Who will win and who will lose? Will Ravka finally be at peace? And what will you get for everything you've done?

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Alina Starkov/Mal Oretsev, Zoya Nazyalensky/Nikolai Lantsov, Fedyor Kaminsky/Ivan, Genya Safin/David Kostyk

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Nikolai Lantsov, Genya Safin, Alina Starkov, Mal Oretsev, Ivan, Fedyor Kaminsky, Zoya Nazyalensky, David Kostyk, Nina Zenik

Word Count: 4449

A/N: Inspired by prompt: https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389090100611/

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

@marrymonrich

@wonderland2425

@chelseyyouraverageluigi

@thehufflepuffavenger1

@drinix

Ivan and Tolya return. With a promise of an army. Like Aleksander has predicted, the people of Shu-Han are furious. Their beloved princess is 'dead' because of Fjerda and it has to pay for it. The great battle is about to happen soon.

Everyone is preparing in the ways they can. Including you. Even though you've already did a lot, you still spend days in the workshop, working on your latest project.

This is where one night David finds you. The only reason Kirigan hasn't dragged you from here is because he is at the Grand Palace, busy with another war meeting.

'You've done so much already, [Y/N],' Kostyk says quietly, but still manages to startle you. 'Go and get some rest.'

'I can't,' you huff, combing your hair with your hand. 'Not after what Nina told me about Fjerdans' work on jurda parem.'

'And that is?' David asks, raising his eyebrows. You sigh and remember your conversation with Zenik…

'Jurda parem in gaseous form?' you asked with disbelief. The Heartrender nodded, troubled.

'I wasn't dosed with it in the end, but still…' she said. 'I'm worried our Grisha will be attacked like that during the battle.'

'Everyone is to have a dose of antidote with them, so I wouldn't worry about that,' you said, pensive. 'But you brought up a good point. Gaseous form is more effective. If we had the antidote in that form on the battlefield…'

'We could save Grisha on the Fjerdans' side,' Nina said, her eyes lightning up. You nodded.

'I will think about it,' you promised. Zenik clasped your hands in hers and smiled.

'If anyone can figure it out, it's you,' she said, winking. You stared at her hands, pensive. From all the people, she's been one of the first that seemed to trust you. It puzzled you.

'Thank you,' you said quietly. 'It means a lot.'

'Hey,' the Heartrender said softly. 'I know what you're thinking. But I am the last person who should judge your actions. My lover is a Fjerdan after all.'

She smiled wryly. You thought about Matthias. He was a good man and utterly in love with Nina. But yes. He was a Fjerdan and almost as unpopular as you and Aleksander.

'The heart does what it wants, huh?' you asked, shrugging. Zenik chuckled. She sighed and nodded.

'Oh, yes,' she agreed. 'That's so true.'

'Hm, that is a good idea,' David says, already thinking. You blink, discarding the memory.

'Yeah, but so far it's just that,' you say and huff in frustration. 'I can't believe Fjerdans figured out the gaseous form of parem and I can't do the same with the antidote!'

'Well, they are a little different,' Kostyk points out. 'You're using more raw jurda.'

Instantly, you look at each other. You think of the same.

'That's it,' you say. 'And maybe if we-'

'Instead of-' the Durast says.

'And then-' you add.

'Yes, let's do it,' David says and you two get to work. Some time later, while waiting for your work to cool down, you sit and drink tea.

'I've forgiven you, by the way,' Kostyk says suddenly. 'Your betrayal, lies and manipulation. I get why you did it. Also, I see you were right. Ever since Kirigan has returned, things are finally looking up. We really needed him now. And since three years have passed, some emotions and grudges cooled down. We could put them aside and work together for Ravka.'

'Thank you,' you say after a beat. 'I… I didn't want to betray you. It hurt me. So, your forgiveness means a great deal to me.'

'You are my friend, [Y/N],' the Durast says softly. 'It may take some time, but I'll always forgive you. No matter what you'll do. And I hope this will be the same in your case.'

'I can hardly imagine you doing something so vile you'd need my forgiveness, but of course,' you chuckle. David smiles. You chat for a bit more, then continue your experiment.

When Aleksander walks in later, tired and exasperated with you, you're staring proudly at your work. At first, neither of you even notice his presence.

'We have to test it now,' Kostyk says, pensive. 'But we don't have more affected Grisha.'

'We can always drug someone and then give him an antidote,' you suggest.

'You're thinking about those two Grisha that were ogling Kirigan during the party, aren't you?' David asks. You look at him innocently.

'I'm sure someone will show up soon,' the Darkling speaks up, joining your conversation. 'We still get new Grisha hurt by the parem. So, for now you both can go to sleep.'

'Yes, sir,' Kostyk quickly says and starts cleaning up.

'If no one does, though, can we consider my suggestion?' you ask hopefully. David and Aleksander roll their eyes. You sigh and quickly help Kostyk. Once you're done, the Durast bids you farewell, and leaves. Kirigan takes your hand in his and you go to his chambers.

'So, what was that experiment about?' he asks you.

'We've managed to make the antidote in a gaseous form,' you explain and your lover looks at you, impressed. 'We just have to see if it still works.'

'If it does… it would help immensely in the battle,' the Darkling says and kisses your hand. 'Thank you, milaya. You've already done so much and yet you continue to amaze us all.'

'Well, since I'm not going to be on the battlefield, I want to be useful in another way,' you say. You enter the room, since you've reached it.

'I want to argue about that usefulness, but I'm too exhausted,' Aleksander sighs. You comb his hair with your hand. He closes his eyes, leaning into your touch, relaxing.

'How was the meeting?' you ask.

'Alina and I didn't argue, so that's a success,' he answers. 'Other than that… we still can't agree on the best course of action.'

'Well, you'll get it in the end,' you assure him. 'If not, you can always threaten the generals with me.'

'Hm, I would not like to see you entering a meeting, furious and ready to argue,' Kirigan admits and kisses you softly. 'Thank you, lapushka.'

You beam at him and answer the kiss. It takes a few minutes for you to pull apart.

'You can thank me properly after I give you a massage,' you whisper. The Darkling groans.

'Yes, please, I need it so much,' he asks. You chuckle and push him into the bathroom.

'I'm at your service,' you say teasingly. Aleksander pulls you with him, a mirth in his eyes. A lot of time passes before you finally go to sleep.

Everything is ready. Shu-Han's army has arrived. Your warriors feel up to the task. The antidote in a gaseous form is working and you've produced it enough, or so you hope. All of that means it's time to move out to battle.

In the morning when the armies are to set off, you help Aleksander get ready. The atmosphere is solemn, tense. You don't speak. Both of you are scared to break the silence.

'[Y/N]…' Kirigan starts when he's ready. But he trails off and sighs.

'Come back to me, okay?' you ask him. 'I don't fancy bringing you back to life a second time.'

'I'd say it's not possible now, but I know you'd find a way,' the Darkling says, smiling wryly.

'Obviously,' you huff. Aleksander chuckles. He cups your cheek. You lean into his touch, looking at him sadly. You're scared he's not going to return. He's immortal, yes. But some things still can kill him.

'It's going to be okay,' Kirigan says quietly. 'Thanks to you we're well prepared. We're going to win. And I'm not going to die. I made you a promise, didn't I?'

'You did,' you admit. 'But I… can't help it.'

'I know,' the Darkling says. 'I used to thrive in a battle. Now I despise it, because I know it makes you worried or you could get hurt. I wonder why is that, hm?'

You smile slightly, not at all sorry. Aleksander cups your other cheek and touches your forehead with his.

'I love you so hard that I softened,' he says. 'And I don't mind it one bit. I'm a happier man thanks to it.'

You lift your head and make your lips join. You kiss for a minute or so. Then, you pull away, but only slightly.

'Then go and win this, so I could be a happier woman,' you whisper. Kirigan catches your mouth for a moment longer.

'As my lady commands,' he murmurs. 'But before I go… there's something I want to ask you.'

He takes your hands in his. You look at him quizzically. He seems nervous for some reason.

'When I come back… I'd like to marry you,' he says, stunning you. 'If you'll have me, that is. Since we're both immortal now, I understand I'd be tying you to me forever. If you're not sure, need more time or you-'

You silence him with a finger on his lips. He looks at you, hopeful and scared. But to his relief you smile.

'Yes,' you say. The fearsome Darkling laughs, overjoyed. He kisses you again and again.

'Now you better win quickly,' you say when you finally stop. 'I don't want to wait long.'

'Neither do I,' Aleksander says, grinning. You join hands and leave his chambers. Ivan and Fedyor, who are happily married since last week, follow you. Soon, you're outside with the rest of the army.

'[Y/N], are you sure you're not coming?' Nikolai asks, walking to you. 'You can, if you want.'

'Oh, I'm sure,' you confirm, nodding. 'I don't want to be anywhere near a battle until I learn to control fully my amplified abilities.'

Lantsov nods in understanding. He smiles charmingly at you.

'Then keep an eye on the capital, will you?' he asks.

'Hm, I don't know,' you say playfully. 'Haven't I done enough?'

'You've done,' the King says, suddenly serious. 'You've done so much to help us win this. If we do, I know it's mostly thanks to you.'

He offers you his hand. You stare at it for a moment. Then, you grab it and you shake it.

'Good luck, moi tsar,' you say, bowing your head with respect. He nods back and goes to his horse. You bid farewell to the rest of your friends. Even David goes with others. Suddenly, Alina shows up next to you.

'[Y/N],' she greets you and becomes nervous. 'I… Can we talk?'

'What is it?' you ask, trying not to sound too much hostile.

'I want to apologise,' Starkov says after a beat. You look at her with raised eyebrows. She sighs.

'I hate it, but Aleksander's ideas were mostly spot on,' she starts. 'And he genuinely seems to have changed. I know it's thanks to you. You… were right. About so many things. Maybe even most of them.'

You stare at her. You see your silence makes her even more nervous.

'Good luck, Alina,' you finally say. 'Win this war and come back home. I honestly wish for that for you.'

'Thank you,' the Sun Summoner says quietly. She walks away. Her slumped shoulders tell you the conversation didn't go as she hoped.

'Alina!' you call after her after a moment of hesitation. She turns, a hopeful look in her eyes.

'Maybe one day I'll be able to forgive you,' you say. 'As I hope you'll forgive me. But now… it's still too soon.'

She nods her head in understanding and walks away. You watch her joining Mal. They talk and smile after a moment. You turn your head and look at Nikolai. He meets your gaze and grins.

'Best of luck,' you say.

'I have your antidote, best warriors I could hope for and a perfect equipment,' he says. 'I think we're more than ready to win this.'

'Just don't get too cocky,' you warn him.

'Don't worry, I won't let that happen,' Zoya says, showing up on her horse next to Lantsov. 'You try not to ruin the Little Palace while we're away.'

'What about the Grand Palace?' the King questions. Nazyalensky shrugs.

'I don't care, it's ugly anyway,' she says. Nikolai looks at you pleadingly.

'Look after it as well,' he asks.

'But I don't like it either,' you say. Lantsov sighs and turns to his soldiers.

'Move out!' he orders and the armies slowly head out. You manage to catch the gaze of Aleksander. You smile at each other and nod.

'Good luck,' you whisper. After everyone is gone, you turn and go back to the Little Palace. Now all you can do is wait.

It takes some time to reach the border with Fjerda. But the King's army finally does and a day later the battle starts. It's not pretty. Many people die. But thanks to your antidote, Zoya's excellent training, Kirigan's spot on strategy and some other things, they seem to be winning.

'Nikolai!' Zoya shouts at some point. He quickly turns to her, alarmed. But she doesn't seem to be harmed.

'If we survive this, you can ask me!' she shouts. 'You know, that certain question!'

Lantsov stares at her, stunned. Then, he grins.

'Seriously?' he asks, beaming at her. She barely manages to stop a smile forming on her face.

'Yes,' she says. 'But I want it to be public. I want to see the faces of courtiers when you do it.'

The King chuckles. Then he has to duck, because Zoya suddenly shoots flames in his direction. Behind him someone screams. He looks at his general sheepishly. She sends him an annoyed glare.

'But try to live to that moment, hm?' she asks. He salutes her and returns to the battle.

Some time later, it's over. While at first the numbers on both sides have been even, when Ravkans started using antidote on drugged Grisha on Fjerdan's side, the numbers turned. Because when they were no longer under the effect of parem, Grisha with fury turned on Fjerda. Mostly thanks to that, Ravka and Shu-Han are victorious. Well, Zoya, Aleksander and Alina attacking with enormous power helped as well.

Nikolai walks to one of Fjerdan generals to make him announce the surrender officially. He's lying on the ground, coughing out blood, Kirigan's shoe on his chest. He laughs when he sees the approaching Lantsov.

'You may have won today, false king,' he says. 'But you have nowhere to come back to.'

Dread fills Nikolai. He looks with alarm at the Darkling. His expression is grim as well. And worried.

'I knew there's too little of them,' Mal murmurs. Lantsov turns to Zoya.

'Go,' she says before he can say something. 'Alina and I will make sure it's over here. Ravka needs you to be there. Both of you.'

She looks at Aleksander. He nods at her in gratitude. The King wants to argue. But he knows Nazyalensky is right. So, he barks orders and takes some soldiers with him. Then, they speed up to Os Alta.

Which is under attack. When they first attack, you're in your room, writing a letter to your lover. But sudden commotion interrupts you. You bolt out of the room.

'We're under attack!' a panicked soldier shouts, running to you. 'Fjerda has carried out a sneak attack! They're going to be here within an hour!'

You curse under your breath. You think on your feet.

'Gather everyone we have in the throne room of Grand Palace,' you order. The soldier doesn't even question you. He just nods and rushes out.

Ten minutes later you enter the room full of soldiers and Grisha. But it's still not enough to defeat an army that's coming to get you. Especially, since most of Grisha are still learning. The rest are Durasts and Alkemi. The experienced ones are on the front.

'We're gonna die,' someone whispers.

'No, we're not,' you deny. 'We can't win, but we're not gonna die.'

'What's the difference?' someone asks.

'This Palace has been made to withstand a siege,' you say. 'All we have to do is hold on until the army returns. And I know we can do it.'

'What about people from the capital?' someone asks.

'They're being evacuated as we speak,' you answer. 'So, what do you say?'

'But we're not fighters,' a Durast says shyly.

'No, but we're clever,' you counter. 'Like I said, we don't need to win. We just have to stop them from entering the Grand Palace and Little Palace. We're going to use our talents for this. Anything we can create that can stop them, we're making it. Same goes for the rest of you. It doesn't matter how much you can control your powers at the moment. In fact, let it loose on Fjerdans. As long as we work together, we can hold them out until the return of the King. I'm certain of that. So, who's with me?'

Everyone exchanges a look. When they turn to you, their eyes are filled with determination. They nod. You're going to do it.

By the time Nikolai returns with his part of the army, there's a total chaos everywhere. But the Fjerdans are still not inside any of the palaces. In fact, some Fjerdans try to desert.

'Well, it's better than I feared,' Lantsov comments. 'Come on!'

They attack the enemy. Soon, Aleksander, the King, Fedyor and Ivan are almost at the door to the Little Palace. But suddenly, a Fjerdan shows up out of nowhere and manages to thrust his sword in Kirigan's shoulder.

'Die, Darkling!' he shrieks. The Shadow Summoner grunts in pain.

'That was stupid,' Ivan comments, absolutely calm.

'Very stupid,' Fedyor agrees, nodding, also not bothered. Nikolai opens his mouth to say something, confused, but is interrupted by a vicious battle cry. Then, something falls from the sky (or rather a windowsill but they don't know that) and lands on the enemy's back.

'Die, die, die!' you scream, stabbing (or as you'd say, aggressively poking) the soldier. Lantsov's eyes widen.

'This is why we're more scared of her than him,' Fedyor explains, motioning with his head at Kirigan. A Healer is already by his side, tending to his wound.

'I can understand that,' the King says, nodding, and returns to the battle. When it's won by Ravka, he surveys the battle field. He's surprised to find you still stabbing/aggressively poking the same soldier from before. But now he's dead and lying on his stomach on the ground.

'[Y/N],' Ivan says, walking to you. 'Leave him alone. He's been dead for some time now.'

'I'm. Venting. My. Frustration,' you growl, stabbing the guy with every word. 'You. Have. No. Idea. How. Stressful. That. Was.'

The Heartrender sighs. He wonders what to do, but then Aleksander shows up. He simply takes the dagger out of your hands, picks you up and cradles you in his arms.

'It's alright, milaya,' he murmurs and looks at Nikolai. 'It's over now.'

Fjerdan has been defeated and forced to sign a treaty. Shu-Han has been held responsible for their attacks and also forced to laid down their weapons. They also must stop creating more khergud and stop kidnapping Grisha. Ravka is finally at peace and united.

Nikolai decides to honour everyone that has made it possible. Which means a huge ceremony. You're terribly bored at it and mostly don't listen to the King praising people. Until he gets to Zoya. Then, you watch her joining him with a great interest.

'Zoya Nazyalensky, general of the Second Army,' Lantsov starts. 'My partner and most trusted advisor during the past years. There's no doubt you've played a huge part in our victory. This peace wouldn't be possible without you.'

You swear you can hear her murmuring 'obviously'. You smile.

'I thought you'd serve as my general for many years to come,' Nikolai goes on. 'But recently I realised there's a better position for you. If you agree to take it, Ravka has a chance to become even stronger and prouder.'

You notice her tensing. Lantsov either doesn't see it or ignores it, as he lowers himself on one knee. People start murmuring. You focus only on the couple. The King shows his general a box with a gorgeous ring inside it.

'Zoya Nazyalensky,' he says, 'will you give me the honour of becoming your husband?'

You see her lips twitching in reaction to the phrasing of the question. But she stays silent. Nikolai becomes nervous.

'Come on, Zoya, don't do this to me now,' he murmurs. Nazyalensky almost snorts.

'Yes,' she finally says, offering her hand. Lantsov quickly puts a ring on one of her fingers, before she changes her mind. People cheer and clap. You, Genya and Fedyor are probably the loudest.

Zoya goes back to her place, showing with pride her ring to those around her. The King's eyes land on the Darkling. The latter walks to the former. The room falls silent. You hold your breath.

'Before I start, how should I address you?' Nikolai whispers.

'Aleksander Kirigan,' the Shadow Summoner decides after a beat. Lantsov nods.

'Aleksander Kirigan, the Darkling, the peace advisor,' he says, louder. 'At first, I wasn't sure if this was going to work. But you held your end of the bargain. Without your help, your advice and skills, maybe none of us would be standing here today. We've been at war once. But I think we both learnt that our dreams are actually quite similar, if not the same. You've proven your loyalty to Ravka and helped me keep its people save. Which is why, in thanks for your contributions for our country, I grant you a full pardon for your past crimes. Every one of them. Including creating the Fold that has separated us for centuries.'

People murmur, astonished. You smile with tears in your eyes.

'Your most gracious, moi tsar,' Aleksander says, bowing his head.

'That was our agreement,' the King says and smiles. 'Besides, you've earned it. In fact… your old position is going to be open. Would you care to become the general of the Second Army again, after the present one becomes the Queen of Ravka?'

People gasps. There's more murmuring.

'I'd be honoured, moi-' Kirigan starts.

'Nikolai,' Lantsov interrupts him and two men share a look. After a moment of silence, the King offers his hand to your lover. The Darkling shakes it, smiling. Then, he returns to his place by your side, accompanied by clapping and cheers.

'[Y/N] [L/N],' Nikolai says, silencing everyone. You slowly make your way to him. You can't help but wonder why are you the last. It worries you a bit. But seeing a kind look Lantsov gives you, you calm down.

'Where to begin?' he asks, spreading his arms, and laughs. 'By creating the antidote to jurda parem, you've saved Grisha. All of them. When you created its gaseous form, you helped turned the tide of the battle with Fjerda. Your design of kefta and uniforms saved countless lives. And let's not forget… you've brought back to life the Darkling. Without whom the victory wouldn't be possible.'

There are no murmurs this time. People are quiet. You could hear a pin drop.

'I can't deny, your actions caught us all by surprise,' the King goes on. 'The truth is, we should have seen it all coming. Because you are extraordinary. But you've been overlooked by everyone. Invisible, even. We would have seen it all if we had just bothered to look.'

You clench your teeth. You can feel tears forming in your eyes. You have no idea why he reminds you of the years of isolation you had to endure.

'I can say I didn't know you back when my father was the king,' Nikolai continues. 'But I ignored you as well. Put you in a cell. While your only "crime" was falling in love. For that, I apologise.'

He bows his head to you. You blink, surprised. People murmur, astonished as well. Lantsov looks at you again.

'You had every reason to hate us all, hate this country and not move a finger to save it from collapsing,' he says. 'But instead, for the past years you've done what you could to make sure Ravka can rise strong and powerful. After the Fold was destroyed, you told me I can't stitch it back together on my own. That I needed Kirigan. You were right. You brought him back and you proved us all how wrong we were to ignore you and underestimate you. We can all argue who did the most to save our homeland this time. But in my eyes, there is no doubt… that the person who made it possible for our army to win… is you. [Y/N] [L/N], the Saviour of Ravka.'

You stare at him, stunned, as he falls on his knees in front of you. For you.

'[Y/N] [L/N], the Saviour of Ravka!' Zoya calls and also knees. One by one, your friends and Aleksander do the same. Even Alina and Mal.

'[Y/N] [L/N], the Saviour of Ravka!' the rest of the court shouts and every single one of them falls on their knees. You look around, stunned and with tears in your eyes. You can feel some of them rolling down your face.

No longer invisible. No longer unnoticed and underestimated. Finally seen. Finally appreciated. And… when you look at all the smiles of the people you care about… no longer alone.

You look at Nikolai. He smiles warmly at you.

'Thank you,' you whisper.

'No, [Y/N],' he says, shaking his head. 'Thank you.'

He stands up and everyone follows suit. They look at him. It's clear he's not done.

'When Kirigan will return to being the General, he won't be my peace advisor anymore,' he finally says. 'And since this position's been just created, it would be a shame to dispose of it. Would you be interested to take it?'

'On one condition,' you say. Lantsov freezes. You grin at him.

'Just kidding,' you say. 'I'd be happy to, moi tsar.'

'You'll give me a heart attack one day,' the King sighs. You laugh and bow to him. You return to Aleksander's side, accompanied by cheering and clapping. Kirigan at once takes your hands in his.

'We've done it,' he murmurs into your ear. 'We've brought peace and stability to Ravka.'

'And more importantly, we can finally be together,' you say. The grin on his face tells you that he agrees with that. He presses a kiss to your forehead and you smile. Finally, all is well.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could. Every comment makes my day!

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52696933/chapters/135677767

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eddo-tensei · 1 year

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More thoughts on Derision (Spoilers, obviously)

I think it's amusing that the default counter-argument to anyone who criticizes this episode boils down to "Well, you're just a Chloe Stan!" Which is something I had to deal with myself recently. Apparently, you can only hate this episode if you're a Chloe apologist. First off, hi, I'm Eddo. I wrote a fanfic where Chloe literally gets thrown into the dirt and suffer an allergic reaction to cacti, both times being her own fault. I feel like my Chloe Stan license should be revoked after that.

Anyways, I'm not surprised with the direction they went with Chloe in Derision. It's been stated since around Season 4 that Chloe was on a "Damnation Arc", so they've been doing everything they can to make her worse and worse. So, I'm not surprised or even angry that they continued this here. I'm annoyed, but not angry. What I AM angry about would be the other characters who got mangled in this shitshow.

Writers? Could you please stop having Chat threaten people with Cataclysm after he's shown regret doing it to people by accident TWICE?! This has happened three times now, counting what happened with Scarabella. Yes, I know he did this before with Darker Owl, but that just makes it worse because that happened right AFTER he regretted doing this to Monarch. You know, the guy who's been tormenting and attacking everyone for over a year? I guess to Chat, Damocles and Kim deserve it more for ripping away a fantasy and pulling a shitty prank respectively.

I know I complained about this a lot already, but this needs to be stressed upon. If we're going to take Cataclysm seriously, especially with what later episodes showed us, maybe DON'T have your hero threaten people with it for relatively petty reasons? "BUT IT'S FOR TRUE LOVE!!!1!!" Yeah, no. When he tried to do it on Darker Owl, Ladybug told him to cut that crap. It then happened again with Dark Humor with Ladybug telling him not to do it. It doesn't matter if it's for "true love." Both times he did this so far, Ladybug made it clear that this was a bad idea. So, maybe you guys should stop trying to encourage it. I refuse to believe that Chat believes that Monarch is more deserving to live after everything that he did than Kim after what he did. Speaking of Kim...

My friendly neighborhood dumb jock, why would the writers do this to you? When we only had the leaks to go by, I actually tried to scour for any interactions Kim had with Marinette and I can confirm that with the revelations we got in Derision, they REALLY don't make sense. Yes, Kim was a bit of a douche in the first season. Origins had him push Ivan around to the point of being the trigger for the Akuma. But he wasn't THIS much of a douchenozzle. Moreover, I have a hard time believing Marinette would be as friendly as she is with Kim throughout the series given what he did to her as revealed in this episode. Also, I know this is going to sound offensive, but...Kim was Marinette's first crush? Really? That's what you're going with? I'm not trying to insult Kim, but there was NOTHING that hinted to this. I can't help but think this was the thought process of the writers when they brought this up:

"So, we need to have Chloe do something to Marinette that would explain why Marinette struggles to be with Adrien. It has to be something big and traumatic. More importantly, it has to involve Marinette actually having a past crush that Chloe ruined and it has to be a character we're familiar with, so we can't make up an OC for it. We can't use Nino because he had a crush on her and it wouldn't make sense for her to reciprocate. We can't use Nathaniel because his crush went almost completely unnoticed by Marinette and he's also gay now. We can't use Ivan because he likes Mylene and we can't complicate that. We can't use Max because most people think he's ace and subverting that would piss a ton of people off. Oh, and we can't have it be any of the girls either because our show would get cancelled if Marinette isn't straight. So, let's just make it this guy."

"This. Fucking. Guy."

I'm having a hard time thinking of any other reason. I know some people theorized in the past that Kim and Marinette might've had a thing, but I don't think they held any water. Even now, however, I really don't think people should be happy it was canonized in this way.

I always held the belief that Chloe was responsible for Marinette's behavior, but my idea of it was that Chloe had been bullying Marinette for a long time and those years of sustained bullying took its toll on the poor baker girl that made it difficult for her to not only open her heart to people she loves, but have difficulties making friends in general until Alya came along. Yeah, Chloe doesn't look good in this case either, but it would've been more reasonable and would probably resonate with a lot more people who probably had to deal with bullies messing with them for a long time because these effects usually aren't instant. They get built on for a long time and it can really mess up their perception on things.

I think a good story would've been Marinette having to heal from that sustained trauma and while it is difficult since nobody can just quickly heal from trauma, it'd be a good journey for Marinette to be able to open up again with Alya and Adrien being just the first two pieces Marinette needs for her recovery.

But now, instead of all that, it turns out Chloe just pulled a prank that just unleashed a cavalcade of trauma on Marinette all at once that is hyper-specific to how she handles her crush that Adrien and ONLY Adrien can heal. All the while, it turns out that the prank was actually pulled by a guy who I really thought was just kinda fun and cool, but now I can't talk about him in the same way again because he's been thrown under the bus for the sake of this nonsense plot that's difficult not to call a full-on retcon. Do you know what I can call a retcon, though? Or rather who?

I am sorry to all of the people who are probably stanning Socqueline right now, but I CAN'T vibe with her. I'm not saying you're not allowed to like her either, because that would be dumb, but I DON'T like how she was presented in Derision. First off, to get this out of the way, we're no strangers to characters being introduced out of nowhere. Felix and Zoe are both characters that come to mind. The thing is you can at least explain their respective absences easily. Felix had likely been distant from Adrien for a long time with him only coming in out of obligation with Amelie. Zoe is actually even more easy to explain given that she was shoved into a boarding school by Audrey and wouldn't really be able to connect with any of the characters until she was forced to transfer. Socqueline, however, does not have that luxury and cannot be easily explained away not only with how we found her, but for the fact that there was NO hint to her existing until Season 5 and that is inexcusable given how much importance this character now has. To put it in perspective, this is how we are introduced to Socqueline in Jubilation:

Marinette: That fake Ladybug from this morning, I think it was Socqueline, a school friend from last year. Knowing her, I’m sure she means well. But I have to convince her to stop putting herself in danger like that.

That's it. She just calls her a school friend. Yes, it's clear that she's at least important enough for Marinette to remember her name, she was just called a school friend. At the very least, she did have an interesting story with her trying to be Ladybug in order to help people. Of course, she had to be talked out of it because it's causing issues with the real Ladybug, but it's a decent story and Socqueline had only made a few appearances here and there.

And then Derision.

Yes, Socqueline referred to Chloe as "that monster", so it's clear that they planned her to have something against Chloe since her first appearance. However, Derision showed us that Socqueline wasn't just a school friend. She was Marinette's closest confidant in the school years prior to the start of the series. She actively protects Marinette from bullies, particularly Chloe, and was clearly a huge inspiration for her until Chloe got her suspended from school.

First off, in case I haven't made it clear, we haven't seen Socqueline AT ALL until Season 5. Not even a hint to her existence. So given how significant she was made out to be in Derision, WHY HASN'T SHE MADE ANY APPEARANCES IN THE SERIES BEFOREHAND?! She doesn't even have the excuse of being outside of Paris like Felix and Zoe do because she's STILL there and in an arts and crafts store no less, which probably would've been a great place for Marinette to hang out in with her friends if the writers thought this through. But they didn't and Socqueline's debut comes off as severely jarring because we have this character who was really important to Marinette's life just not show up until she started cosplaying as Ladybug.

Secondly, it muddles Marinette's own backstory as well as severely hampering the significance of Alya. Now instead of being alone with nobody to help her against Chloe, which makes her friendship with Alya all the more stronger, Marinette just had this super cool friend who was always there for her until mean ol' Chloe got her kicked out of school. Doesn't that sound like something you'd see in a fanfic, specifically one that's salting Alya given how Socqueline was depicted as Marinette's BFF?

Thirdly, if Chloe was able to get Socqueline suspended so easily, then why hadn't she been able to do that with the other students? Yeah, she got close with Alya, but that didn't stick. If Chloe really had the ability to just make students disappear even if it happened once, she would NOT hesitate to try and do this again with any other student who slighted her, ESPECIALLY Marinette. But she doesn't. Once her attempt on Alya failed, she didn't try again. Hell, LILA had more attempts to get Marinette kicked out of school than Chloe did and actually got closer to doing it than Chloe would ever get, which is weird since she doesn't have the title of "Mayor's Daughter" to throw around like Chloe would. This just feels like something done to explain away why Socqueline didn't show up in the series which doesn't work because she's STILL IN PARIS and I'm pretty sure Marinette would be more than happy to meet with Socqueline given how close they were, but that never happened.

Fourthly, I'm guessing nobody felt like pointing it out because it felt too obvious, but doesn't Socqueline just come off as the writer's answer to Bridgette? You know, the older Marinette based on the anime PV that some fan writers implement into their own stories? Yeah, she's not one-to-one similar to Marinette like Bridgette is, but it definitely feels like another instance of the writers pulling stuff out of fanon just to put a canon spin on it. And like all the other instances, it's a bad spin.

Lastly, this whole incident with the prank and Socqueline's suspension took place a few months before Origins. Not even a year at the earliest. It was specifically stated that Socqueline was suspended three weeks before the end of the school year. Given how close that time gap, the way everyone behaves in Origins makes almost no sense. Marinette would be a lot more horrified of Chloe if Derision was anything to go by and Chloe would be more willing to try and cast Alya out so Marinette doesn't have any allies given that Derision showed Chloe REALLY wanting to make sure nobody helps Marinette. The only point I could even give any leeway to is Kim and even then, again, he's not that much of a douche in Origins as he was in Derision. So, really, it all just comes off as a blatant retcon specifically to try and explain the new direction the writers are taking with certain characters. And do you want to know the dumbest thing? Apparently, Socqueline was such an inspiration to Marinette that the latter changed her hair to be more like Socqueline's.

No, seriously. That's also how they explain why Marinette has different hairstyles. I know Expository Hairstyle Changes are a thing in fiction, but this is just awkward as hell given how traumatic and melodramatic the whole thing is. You don't need to say that Marinette's hairstyle came from someone who she considered a hero because nothing about Marinette indicated that her hairstyle is important. This isn't like Josuke changing his hairstyle to be based on the man who saved him as a child. It's a purely cosmetic change that's suddenly given a shit-ton of significance because now it's connected to this horribly traumatic incident. In fact, you know what this reminds me of?

Actually, the whole segment where this Linkara clip came from seems to sum up a lot of things wrong with Derision. It's not just bad because it makes some characters look bad or introduces stuff out of nowhere. It's bad because now everything in the flashback is now part of all of the characters! Every prior episode will now have to be viewed with a lens tinted by the events of this episode. Now nobody can discuss Kim without people salting on him for the prank, now nobody can talk about how important Alya's friendship with Marinette because of Socqueline's sudden boost in significance (In fact, it's very likely that Alya salters will try to use Socqueline as a replacement friend), and now nobody can speculate the intrigue of Marinette's past because EVERYTHING about her behavior is linked to this specific incident and nothing else. That's what pisses me off about this episode. That's why I share that Double D meme so frequently. I could care less about how much of a monster Chloe was depicted to be in this episode, but I am going to complain when other characters are butchered in the process. I will complain about one thing concerning her, though.

Isn't it amazing that you can tell the writers are trying DESPERATELY to squish any and all positive interpretations of Chloe, even trying to downplay parental neglect because "this character also didn't have a mom and they didn't turn out this way" even though Mylene's and Chloe's situations are still VASTLY different? You can make the argument that Audrey's absence doesn't excuse Chloe's actions. In fact, I don't think it really does either, but saying that there's only one valid response to an absent parent is EXTREMELY insensitive to people who might be going through similar situations.

Oh, and to cap this all off? This is the favorite episode of one of the main writers. Said writer possibly being considered to be the new director for Season 6 of Miraculous and onwards. I'm not gonna name which one for obvious reasons, but it's been confirmed.

I feel like this is a good indication that you need to hop off this series.

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melanieph321 · 10 days

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Ruben Dias x Reader - Set Me Free Part 5/15

Part 6 and 7 are already out on my Patreon for Free!

Warning - mentioning of abortion

Ruben and Carla have grown apart. With Rubens career taking off he leaves Portugal to live the life of his dreams, breaking Carla's heart doing so. Years later, upon his return home, Ruben learns that Carla has moved on, happily engaged to another man, but not any man, Ruben's childhood bully João Mendes.

Enjoy!

"What does that even mean?" Ruben's brother, Ivan, laughed.

"I don't know." Ruben rubbed his temple, feeling a headache coming on upon his return from meeting Carla. He sat slumped down on his parents couch, going through the emotions. "All I know is that I'm getting her back." He said. Having retold his brother about the event.

"By what, begging her until she gives in?"

"No?" Ruben frowned, rejecting his brother's desire to make him feel better. How could he, feel better, when the love of his life was slipping away.

"How then?"

"I don't know, okay." Ruben stood. "But I'm not letting her marry João Mendes, that's for sure."

"So crashing the wedding is it?"

Ruben shrugged. "If I have to. If it comes down to it. When is it exactly?"

Ivan chuckled. "No idea, I wasn't invited."

"Me neither." Ruben muttered.

"Well, can you blame her?"

"Ivan, she's marrying João Mendes, of all people."

"But can you blame her?"

"What?"

"For moving on, I mean? You've been gone for a long time, Ruben. How can you expect Carla to wait around for so long?"

"Because...."

Ivan crossed his arms. "Because what?"

"Because she promised that she would."

********************************************

"So how did it go?"

Carla ignored her cousin, who despite her demands, had waited up for her.

Carla crossed her room and threw herself face down on the bed.

"That bad, huh?"

She groaned into her pillow.

"Wow. This I want to hear." Maria buckled up.

"He's gonna win me back." Carla said, shifting her head to the side. "No matter what."

"Damn, Ruben told you that? Aunt Gloria is gonna freak."

Carla squinted her eyes in pain. "It gets worse."

"Worse?"

"Yes. Ruben thinks I'm still marrying João Mendes."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure. But I think my mother told him that we were still together when he came by the salon the other day."

"The drama!" Maria gasped.

"Will you be quiet?" Carla hushed. "The only reason I didn't bother to correct him was because that seemed to be the only thing stopping us."

Maria frowned. "Stopping you from what?"

Carla bowed her head in shame, blurring out the words. "From ripping each other's clothes off."

"Carla."

"What am I gonna do?"

There was no point in denying her feelings for Ruben, they were still there and still as strong.

"I say, buy the next plane ticket out of here. To Madeira perhaps?"

"I can't?"

"Why not?"

"Because Mamãe needs me."

Carla turned to lay on her back, the tears swelling up in her eyes. Visiting the cemetery today, Carla understood the pain that her mother still had buried inside of her, how lonely these past years must have been without Carla's father around. Perhaps Carla made it worse by announcing her break up with João, considering how happy her mother had been helping her plan for the event.

"I'm sticking around til the end of the month." She said, "My job has already allowed me the leave since I asked for it ahead of my wedding with João."

"Well, I'm leaving after this weekend." Maria said. "And I did not come home to mourn over lost love. I came to party with my cousin who is finally single for the first time in what, twelve years?"

It was strange, but true. Carla met Ruben when they were ten. They got together when they were fourteen, stuck together until she was twenty-three and not long after their break up she met João Mendes. The truth was that Carla hadn't been single for a minute, nor did she know how to be.

"Tomorrow you and I are going to do what single people do best."

"Which is?"

"To shop until we drop, duh."

Carla wasn't one for shopping. To stand in front of a dressing room mirror eventually became dreadful, considering how much weight she had lost and gain during her year of depression. However, she did enjoy strutting through town. Carla spent the next day admiring her hometown by the coast, greeting familiar faces walking by, as well as catching up with her favorite cousin, who seemed to have a great life going on for herself.

"I can't believe you get to travel the world like that, doesn't it get claustrophobic, working as a flight attendant?"

"No. I love it."

"Well, then I'm happy for you." Carla admired her cousin. She was two years younger but had much more confidence than herself, especially when it came to putting oneself first.

"Have you spoken to João lately?"

Carla snorted. "No."

"So I take it he didn't take the break up very well."

Upon their separation João had referred to Carla as an indecisive selfish little child. Words that still haunted her today.

"No. No he didn't."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry about...."

"Mari? Mari Fernandes, is that you?"

Another familiar face came walking down the street.

"Santina!"

"Mari! Why didn't you tell me that you were back in town?"

The two women rushed to embrace each other, excluding Carla for a good two minutes. Santina was Maria's best friend in high school. Their friendship had been a dynamic one, the two of them often getting into more trouble than they should. But who could blame them when Santina Rivera at sixteen years of age, inherited more money than Carla would ever save up in her lifetime. Her parents death was a tragic way of acquiring her wealth, nevertheless, like Maria, Santina's attitude towards life was nothing short of adventurous.

"And Carla!" Santina squealed, acknowledging Carla who was standing to the side. "My favorite babysitter. How have you been, girl."

Santina was a hugger, a firm one at that.

"Great." Carla groaned.

"Congratulations on your engagement. Everyone is talking about it."

"Oh, no Santi. Carla is not...."

It was impulsive and a bit childish, but stomping Maria's feet was the only way to shut her up. "Aaa!" She groaned, throwing Carla the nastiest of glares. Carla ignored her and smiled playfully. "Thank you Santina, for the congratulations."

"I love weddings, but truthfully when I heard that you were getting married, I thought it would be too...." Santina paused, curiously tilting her head.

"What?" Carla said, feeling targeted.

Santina shook her head. "Nothing, I just remember when we were younger, how you and Ruben Dias used to...."

"That was a long time ago." Carla mumbled.

"God I wanted what you had. He was the hottest guy in school, don't you remember Maria?"

"Thought his brother was hotter." She shrugged.

"Either way." Santina waved. "When did you guys break up? You were together for a long time, no? Even when he was playing for Benfica. Did you move to Lisbon with him or....?"

"A long time ago." Carla clarified. "Ruben and I broke up a long time ago. I'm with João Mendes now."

Carla ignored the chuckles that Maria let out beside her, but she didn't like talking about her business in the street like this, especially not with Santina Rivera, who was a well known gossip. Thankfully Santina took the hint and ended the conversation there.

"You guys are coming to the party that I'm throwing on the beach tonight, right?"

Maria perked up. "Party? What party?"

"My clothing line Saint Sure is celebrating the opening of my second boutique in Lisbon. Please come, it would be really nice to catch up some more."

"We'll be there!" Maria assured.

Carla on the other hand, could think of a million things that she rather fucking do.

******************************************

Except for training with his national team, Ruben came home to relax, to catch up with old friends before heading back to England. However, it was hard to do these things when wherever he went people flocked after him like birds. He used to be able to walk freely in his hometown, which he really enjoyed since it made him feel like a normal guy. But with Manchester City's latest successes it was now nearly impossible to be left alone.

It's the reason Carla left him, Ruben was convinced. She stuck with him through it all. The rise of Ruben's football career happened before her eyes. Carla even made the effort to leave home and move with him when he went off to play for Benfica. Of course, Lisbon wasn't too far from home. Carla often went back to visit her family. However, when Ruben asked her to move to England with him that's when she just couldn't take it anymore. Although Carla made the effort to stay overseas with him for a year, she never really settled down. And Ruben being off training all the time made it difficult for him to look after her, to make sure that she was alright. It was one of his biggest regrets in life, not being able to make Carla feel at home with him.

"Well, well, well. Look who showed up, Ivan and Ruben Dias. To what do I do the honors?"

"Santina, you know us." Ivan smiled, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek. Ruben did the same. "We could never say no to a party, especially if we're celebrating the success of your business."

It was more Ivan who couldn't say no. Ruben only tagged along in the hopes that Carla would be at the event. Santina was a bit younger than himself and Carla, but he vividly remembers her hanging around the two, bothering them as preteen children do teenagers. At that time Carla and Ruben were showing a bit more interest in each other, which people around them had noticed. Their family members called it true love because of the early age that they found each other. Ruben called it a blessing, a blessing that someone as beautiful as Carla even bothered to look at him twice, considering Ruben still had buck teeth during those days.

"Well, to that I am grateful." Santina smiled. "How about a photo?"

A cameraman popped up out of nowhere, but Ruben and his brother complied to pose for a picture. Ruben had to pose for a few more after that, since his appearance at the beach caused a bit of a stir amongst the party guests. It became exhausting at some point, but Ruben found the strength to endure once he spotted her, Carla, and her cousin Maria. She wore a flowery sundress, whilst her cousin wore a bikini. Most people at the party were dressed half naked, including Ruben with his unbuttoned shirt. It was a beach party after all. Carla, however, stood puttering around the bar, looking rather out of place for some reason.

As the party went on, Ruben found himself excusing himself from conversations after losing sight of her. He asked around if anyone had seen her, but no one seemed to know where Carla had gone.

"Ruben." Santina interrupted his search. At that point of the night she was a bit too tipsy for his liking, Ruben who didn't have anything to drink for himself. "Funny how your mother is trying to set us up." She said, slurring slightly on her words.

"Yeah, funny." Ruben turned his head in search for Carla. There was no point in staying if she hadn't stuck around.

"She's not wrong though, we would make a cute couple."

Ruben looked down. "We would?"

Santina shrugged. "I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I've always had a crush on you when we were younger. It got to a point where I used to beg the Fernandes family to let me stay with them, knowing that you were always over at their house."

"Yeah, I wanted to be with Carla." Ruben said, hoping that answer would set his feelings for Santina straight. He also made the mental note to tell his mother to stop setting him up with other women. He only had eyes for one.

"And now she wants to be with João Mendes. Funny how time works."

Ruben clenched his jaw at the mentioning of his name.

"Didn't the two of you get into a fight that one time." She chuckled. "Don't tell me that it was over Carla Fernandes?"

"It wasn't." Ruben grunted, knowing damn well which fight Santina was referring to. The fight between Ruben and João Mendes happened at school, on the football pitch, during a match where his team was struggling and João Mendes had blamed it all on Ruben's terrible defense. It was a silly fight, but Ruben who, even back then, took his dreams of becoming a professional football player very seriously, snapped at the thought of not being good enough. And for the words to come out of João Mendes mouth, had pushed him over the edge.

"Anyway, how is life in England?" Santina asked.

"Great. Have you seen Carla?" Ruben was tired and ready to leave, but not without being given the chance to talk to Carla.

"She left to get some air." Santina muttered. "By the pier, I think."

"Thank you." Ruben said, excusing himself.

He made his way towards the pier, leaving the party behind. His heart skipped a beat seeing Carla's silhouette posing against the descending sun. Ruben knew he shouldn't go, but he couldn't resist the opportunity to spend time with her again.

Ruben found Carla sitting on the edge of the pier, staring out at the waves.

"Hey," she said softly, turning to him.

She must have seen him coming.

"Hey," Ruben replied, taking a seat next to her.

They sat in silence for a few moments, watching the waves roll in.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Ruben. Never been better."

He chuckled at the sarcasm in her voice. He had missed it, her humor.

"Your mood...." He said, careful not to express himself too vigorously. "Does it have to do anything with us?"

"Us?" Carla turned to look at him, her expression furrowed. "There is no us, Ruben. Not anymore."

He nodded understandingly but in the back of his mind Ruben still had hope, he was gonna win her back.

They sat there for a while longer, watching the stars come out and listening to the sound of the waves. As the night wore on, the tension between them eased a little, at least to a point where they both knew that they had to talk about what was really on their minds. Starting with Carla.

"You left me when I needed you the most." She said,

"I know and I'm sorry." He really was. It was shortly after Christmas Eve three years ago that Carla's father grew ill. He died shortly after, whilst Ruben was away, living the life of his dreams in England.

"I was so lost, Ruben. So lost without you and I hated myself for being so weak."

"Don't say that." Ruben stretched out a hand in an attempt to touch her.

A mistake.

Carla shrugged off Ruben's hand, followed by a warning stare for him not to try anything again.

"Carla, you have to understand..."

"No Ruben, I don't."

She stood.

Ruben had to contain himself not to let his gaze wander up her bare legs as her dress blew in the wind. "Carla." He sighed. "Then please tell me. Tell me how I can make things better between us? I'll do anything. Anything."

"Ugh." She groaned in annoyance. "You really don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"I still have feelings for you, Ruben. A part of me has accepted that I always will."

Ruben looked at her, his eyes searching her face. "I still have feelings for you too."

Carla shook her head, as if Ruben was completely missing her point. "We're not good for each other, Ruben. You have your own life now, as do I.

"Fuck that." Ruben stood, his height overtaking hers. "We're perfect for each other Carla and you know it."

Her eyes widened, stunned by the passion in his voice.

"There's no other girl in the world for me but you. I love you Carla."

"Ruben."

He went to touch her again and to his surprise Carla let him wipe away a fallen tear with his thumb.

"I love you too."

Ruben's hand fell. Her voice had been as low as a whisper, nevertheless, he heard it.

"You do?"

She nodded.

It was bold of him, either way, he went for it. Ruben stepped forward and went in for the kiss, capturing Carla's lips with his own.

Her breath hitched as he pulled her flush against him. Her lips were cold in the night, but oh so familiar. Ruben knew the taste of Carla as well as he knew his way around a football pitch. As he felt her ease into him, allowing Ruben's tongue to enter her mouth, Ruben's hand slipped from between her shoulders to her lower back, pressing Carla's body hard against him.

A sigh. Carla let out a sigh deep down her throat, to which Ruben hymned happily against her lips. They made out for a good minute or so, before allowing each other to catch their breaths. Although the dark night, Ruben could tell that Carla wasn't grinning like he was. The opposite. She looked conflicted and angry with herself.

"Ruben." She said, stepping away from him, wiping away their kiss with the back of her hand. "I'm still marrying João."

Ruben's hand went pinch the skin between his brows. "Why, Carla? Why him, of all people?"

"Because he didn't leave." She snapped. "João was there for me when I needed him the most. Unlike you."

"Carla, I told you that I wanted to come back. But your family...."

"My family was only trying to protect me, Ruben."

"Protecting you from what, me?"

She fell silent.

Ruben frowned. "Carla? I would never..."

"I know." She nodded. "I know you would never do anything to hurt me, at least not on purpose."

Ruben shook his head, desperately in need to touch her, to have Carla in his arms again. "How...how did I hurt you?" He asked, desperate to know.

"It doesn't matter, I'm over it."

"Over what? Carla..." Ruben grabbed her wrist before she could turn her back on him. "You need to tell me how I hurt you, it's the only way I'll know how to make things right again."

"You can't!" She cried.

"How do you know, you haven't even..."

"Because, Ruben.....I had an abortion."

Part 6 and 7 are already out on my Patreon for Free!

#fanfiction #football imagine #ruben dias #man city #manchester city #footballer x reader #footballer imagine #football angst #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias imagine

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goldenlaurelleaveswrites · 9 months

Text

Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe

Ch16 Juleka vs. the Forces of Alya Césaire

Juleka vs. the Forces of the Universe (AO3)

There are a couple of people I need to thank for this chapter.

First of all, a big thank you to @mintaka14, for letting me borrow Roarr's name for makeup from Living Arrangements (It's such a good read and I highly recommend it).

And a huge thank you to @verfound for helping me through the crisis of confidence this chapter gave me, and for beating some sense into me (with love and giggles as you pointed out all my dumb typos 😂). I would still be spinning myself in circles if it weren't for you, so thank you for beta reading this!!! 💖💖💖💖 And for letting Dingo and Bri stay when they insistent on being mentioned in this chapter 😂

Finally, a huge thank you to all of you for the ongoing support and kindness. It really means so much to me, and I can't thank you enough.

A little bit of house keeping now. The next chapter is likely going to take quite a bit of time, especially because I have bits and pieces of it written and it always takes longer to write a chapter that already has pieces I need to integrate in.

Also, I'm issuing a content warning for this chapter. Juleka's anxiety is very prevalent in this chapter. I don't describe it in detail, but it is present in the majority of the chapter. Please use your best judgement when deciding if this is something you're comfortable with. I would much rather you take care of yourself and skip a chapter than read something that might upset or trigger you. 💖

With all of the being said, I hope you enjoy the chapter!!! 💖💖💖💖

__________________________________________________

The classroom was warm, just shy of uncomfortably so. And Bustier’s voice was nothing but cloying white noise; she had no idea what her teacher had been droning on about for the past half hour, and she sincerely doubted anyone else did either.

All of their year end tests were written and done. Their projects submitted. Their lockers mostly cleared out.

Now all that was left to do was make it to the end of the second last day of classes.

Sleepily, she blinked her eyes and let her attention wander to the rest of the class. It seemed they were all paying as much attention to Bustier as she was. Ivan was drumming out a beat on his desk with his fingers, bopping his head along to the nearly indecipherable sound. Alix was leaning back in her seat, and was barely making an effort to hide the fact that she was playing on her phone. Kim was out cold, and Max and Markov were reading something on Max’s phone. Nathaniel was drawing, and beside her, Rose was doodling.

She let out a sleepy sigh as her gaze drifted towards the front of the classroom. Chloe and Sabrina’s seats were empty; apparently they were skipping again. It wasn’t like they were missing much. She propped her cheek in her hand as her gaze travelled across the aisle.

Adrien had been in a funk all day. He had tried to hide it, but little cracks in his facade had let it shine through. But it seemed everyone had assumed it was because the school year was almost over, and he wouldn’t see them every day anymore. At lunch, most of the class had tried to console him, assuring him that when he wasn’t busy or travelling over the summer that they would all hang out and that they would call and text. Maybe that was contributing to his funk. But given the argument he had had with Ladybug last night… well, her money was on that.

She was still on edge from last night.

And given the look Chat had given her last night… In all honesty, they were just lucky Shadowmoth needed time to recharge between akumas. That, and that—according to Roarr—wearing a miraculous provided some protection against akumatization. Otherwise…

Well, they were all lucky they were just dealing with a moping classmate. That, and…

Marinette had been uncharacteristically quiet today. Her mind had very obviously been elsewhere for most of the day. She assumed everything that had gone down last night was what had Marinette so preoccupied. Pensive even.

During morning break, after Marinette and Nathaniel had gone to the art room to discuss some costume ideas for the comic with Marc, when she had been coming back from the washroom she had overheard Alya telling the rest of the girls Marinette was obviously thinking about summer break and Adrien.

She turned her attention to Alya and Nino.

They were very obviously texting each other. Which, to be fair, wasn’t exactly uncommon. Or something to be suspicious about. But considering the way Alya had been acting the past couple of weeks…

That, and every so often, Nino would sneak a glance back at her.

Well, sneak was being generous… It was obvious he was either trying to be subtle, or that he thought he was being subtle. Either way, he wasn’t. M. Damocles always gave her grief about her hair, asking her how she could see with her hair covering half her face. What he—and many people for that matter—seemed to forget was that hair was hardly a brick wall. Sure, it obscured her vision a bit. But she could see through her hair well enough to see Nino glancing back at her over his shoulder every time he thought she wasn’t looking. Just like she saw Alya kick the back of his bench every time she caught him looking back at her.

Really, it was a wonder Bustier hadn’t noticed what was going on.

Honestly, she had to wonder if Bustier had noticed her class wasn’t paying attention and was letting it slide, or if she actually was that oblivious.

She stifled a yawn as she directed her gaze to the clock. The time was crawling by. She could swear that clock had said twenty after three for the past half hour.

Sighing, she dragged her gaze away from the clock. It seemed a watched clock didn’t move anyways….

Her frown returned as her eyes settled on Adrien once again.

The past few weeks had been hard, having to be civil to Adrien in class when she knew he was Chat. When he was making her life a headache with his constant whining and tantrums. But coming into class this morning… it had been really hard to act normally towards him. Thankfully, he never really interacted with her all that much anyways, but he hadgreeter her along with the rest of the class when she had come in.

And she had done her best.

She really had.

But she had maybe been a little… cool with her greeting. Which was frankly way more than he deserved. The good thing about being quiet was that people generally didn’t take note when she was extra quiet, and they didn’t tend to pick up on the nuances of her voice. Rose would have, and so would Marinette. But neither of them had been there when she had entered the room. So no one had really seemed to notice.

Except…

Alya’s eyes had narrowed as soon as she had mumbled her reply to Adrien. It was hard to tell if Alya knew she had seen the way her eyes had narrowed, given she had caught it out of the corner of her eye herself. But she knew she hadn’t imagined it, because as soon as she did look directly at Alya, her expression had shifted into a casual smile.

But she had felt eyes on her as she had made her way back to her seat.

She didn’t like it. All the hidden looks and glances from Alya. Coupled with those messages- the curt and deleted ones, And the pushiness and insistence on her voicing her support for the schemes…

It was weird.

But Nino…

She cast a surreptitious glance down at Nino. He quickly turned away, his hat slipping with the movement. Subtle indeed. He couldn’t have been more blatant if he had tried.

As weird as Alya had been the past couple of weeks…well, it was even weirder coming from him.

She sighed. There was no real point in dwelling on it though. Alya… she didn’t like to think about it, but Alya was definitely getting suspicious. That was the only explanation- though if Alya was suspicious, why was she still insisting on her helping with the schemes?

It didn’t make sense.

Regardless, if Alya was suspicious, well, it was safe to assume she had shared her suspicions with Nino.

This… complicated things.

She would need to be even more careful going forward.

Sighing to herself, she folded her arms on her desk and rested her chin on them. At least, if she was deep in thought, she would look like she was paying attention if Bustier clued in to the fact her lesson was going unheard.

***

They were gathered at the base of the front steps to the school, a little off to the side so as not to end up trampled by the steady stream of students emerging from the building, clearly excited by the prospect of only one day left in the school year.

“And you’re sure you don’t have time for ice cream?” Alya wheedled. “I can text Nino. He and the guys were going to shoot some hoops, but I’m sure they wouldn’t mind a change of plans. You know Adrien loves Andre’s ice cream.”

She had to fight to keep herself from rolling her eyes.

Even if that particular ploy was weak by Alya’s standards, Alya was never one to miss an opportunity…

Marinette shook her head, and she could have sworn she caught sight of her rolling her eyes… “No, I need to head home. I still need to finish my dress.”

“Are you going to finish in time?” Mylène asked worriedly.

Marinette nodded. “It’ll probably be cutting it a bit close, but I’ll have it done.”

“I can wait to see it,” Rose sighed dreamily, “I can’t even imagine what you’ve cooked up this time!”

“Neither can I,” Alya agreed. “And it doesn’t help that my bestie won’t even give me a sneak peek,” Alya added in a playfully pointed voice.

Marinette let out a semi-exasperated sigh. “I told you, it isn’t ready to be seen yet. Besides, you’ll all see it tomorrow.”

“Fine, fine. But you can’t blame a girl for trying,” Alya laughed. “But you’re going to look amazing, I just know Adrien won’t be able to take his eyes off of you!”

Marinette’s smile faltered for a second at Alya’s words, before returning. But it was tighter than before. Less genuine.

“I’m just looking forward to wearing it,” Marinette said noncommittally.

“I sure hope so, given how much time you’ve been spending on it. You missed one heck of a race last weekend. You should have seen how close-”

“I’m sure there will be plenty more races for Marinette to watch,” Mylène said, gently cutting Alix off before she could get too far into regaling them with every detail of the race. Again.

“When’s the next one?”

“Third day of break,” Alix grinned, “We both figured we would want to sleep in after the dance and Max has a dentist appointment the second day of break.”

“I think that should work! We could do a picnic?’

“A victory picnic, I like it!”

“You haven’t won yet,” she mumbled with a chuckle.

Alix stuck her tongue out at her. “Yet.”

“Anyways, I should get going…” Marinette said, taking an awkward little half-step back. “The dress won’t finish itself after all.”

“Of course. Text if you need anything?” she asked.

“Or if you’re bored!” Rose added as she stepped in to hug Marinette as well.

“I will,” Marinette promised; there was a hint of laughter in her voice. She may have have been responding to Rose… but Marinette’s eyes were on her. With a smile, Marinette stepped forward and hugged her goodbye.

Over Marinette’s head, she caught what looked like a frown flickering across Alya’s face. But then Marinette was pulling away, and once she had stepped back out of the hug, the look on Alya’s face was gone.

Once all the goodbye hugs were exchanged, and Marinette was out of sight, Alya turned to the rest of them. “Ok, since ice cream was a bust, we can head straight to my place. It’s probably a good thing anyways, we have lots to get through.”

She fell into step with the rest of the group as they made their way towards Alya’s place, though she lagged a little behind Alya, Alix, and Mylène. As they made their way through the streets, Alya began going through a list of things they would need to prepare for one of the many plans they had cooked up for tomorrow.

Because of course it couldn’t just be one plan.

Alya had insisted that they plan multiple schemes.

Each of which, of course, had a ridiculous name.

“So for phase ‘Belle of the Ball,’ we’ll need to make sure…” She only listened with half an ear as she followed along behind the rest of the girls. They had spent the past two weeks cooking up all of these plots, she knew them like the back of her own hand. They all did, as Alix had pointed out when protesting to this last scheming session.

But Alya had insisted.

As Alya had pointed out—while casting a glance in her direction—something always went wrong with the plans. And that meant they had to be ready.

Under other circumstances—before she had found herself going toe to toe with Alya—she found Alya’s tenacity and determination admirable. She was bold and willing to do whatever it took to reach her goals. She was the very definition of if at first you don’t succeed…

The thing was, she couldn’t help but wonder… it wasn’t just that Alya’s scheming was bad for Marinette… at times… most of the time, the more she thought about it… it felt like it was bad for Alya.

Alya was tenacious. Determined. Though some people might say headstrong or even pig-headed. Alya wasn’t afraid to go after what she wanted. And, despite what her actions may have screamed, she cared about her friends’ happiness.

The problem was, Alya had something of a tunnel vision problem. She was so fixated on the idea of Marinette liking Adrien that she couldn’t—or maybe wouldn’t—acknowledge the fact that Marinette had moved on. Just like how she was so caught up in the pursuit of Ladybug’s identity, and the idea of Ladybug and Chat Noir being destined soulmates that she couldn’t see what was staring her straight in the face.

“You ok?” Rose’s voice jolted her from her thoughts. She looked down at Rose, who had fallen into step beside her. “You looked far away,” Rose said as she slipped her hand into hers.

“Yeah,” she tried to muster a smile. The feeling of Rose’s hand in hers made it much easier, despite the dour thoughts clouding her mind. “Just thinking,” she said as she laced her fingers with Rose’s.

***

She sat in silence as Alya stuck a pin into another colour-coded scrap of paper to fix it to her cork board. The cork board was covered in a rainbow of scraps of paper, each colour indicating a different person, with the scheme name, details, and phase number outlined on them.

It was a technicolour disaster.

And the more of the schemes—which were all phases in the ‘Operation Fairytale Ball’ plot—Alya added to the board, the more she could feel a headache brewing.

It was honestly impressive how Alya managed to keep track of all the details of the various schemes and plots. If journalism didn’t work out for her, Alya had a bright future in tactical mission planning ahead of her.

“…so then when he sees the punch ladle is missing, he’ll have to ask her where the spare ones are. And then when she offers to go, Rose, you mention we need more napkins too and suggest Adrien help her.”

Rose made a sound of agreement, not looking up from the plethora of nail polish bottles she had spread out on the floor in front of her.

“And then Juleka, while they’re gone, you’ll find Luka and keep him busy. By the time they get back, we’ll be ready for Phase: Glass Slipper.” Alya finally peeled her gaze away from the cork board to stare at her. Hard. “You’ll be able to do that, right?” There was a challenge in the way Alya was staring at her. It was almost like… like she was testing her.

“It’s a plan,” she murmured. It was a plan. A terrible one. One she had no intention of carrying out. But it was a plan.

Alya’s eyes hardened at her words. She had been careful to phrase it as the truth. Well, a half-truth. The words were true. But the intention behind them had been a lie.

And Alya did not look satisfied: her eyes were hard and narrowed behind her glasses.

Alya opened her mouth to say something, but Mylène of all people interrupted her. “And that’s where the faux flowers come in, right? And what flowers were you thinking?”

She could have answered those questions: yes and red roses. Because they symbolized ‘true love.’

At least all the other colours of roses hadn’t been ruined for her…

Alya shot her one last look before turning to Mylène. “We need red roses; they’re the most romantic flowers. And yeah, once they come back they’ll…”

She fought back a frown as best she could as Alya launched into going over every excruciating detail of the next phase of the operation.

After the countless hours they had spent cooking up and reviewing these schemes, how could Mylène not remember the flowers? The flowers she was in charge of?

She shook her head to try and clear her thoughts. But as Alya continued on her tirade of the operation, her mind couldn’t help but wander.

And it seemed she wasn’t the only one…

Alix was paying barely—if any—attention to the whole conversation. She was flopped out on Alya’s bed with her legs up the wall and her eyes glued to the screen of her phone.

Rose was on the floor, surrounded by an army of nail polish bottles. All in varying shades of pink. It seemed she still hadn’t decided on which shade of pink would go best with her outfit for tomorrow.

Mylène was sitting beside Alix on the bed, though she wasn’t upside-down. She was sitting cross legged, with a pillow in her lap and her chin propped up in her hand, a bored look on her face.

“And then you’ll keep Luka occupied so he doesn’t interrupt them, right, Juleka?”

She jumped at the sudden sound of Alya—very pointedly—saying her name. “Sorry, what?”

“You’ll make sure Luka- or anyone else for that matter, doesn’t ruin the moment.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Alya didn’t look satisfied by the answer, but she continued on. Time seemed to drag by as they went through the next four phases of the operation. And it didn’t help that it felt like Alya was asking her something every other minute.

And she did not like how loaded the questions felt.

She did not like it one bit.

“…and because Nino isn’t doing the music, you’ll probably need to stall for a while, Alix, while I-”

“Y’know, I really don’t see the point of this,“ Alix groaned.

“What? What are you talking about?” Alya demanded as she turned to look at Alix as she crossed her arms.

She followed Alya’s gaze, and watched as Alix rolled to right herself and sit up. “We’ve been over these plans a billiontimes, Alya,” Alix complained before looking back down at her game.

“We have been reviewing them a lot,” Mylène quietly agreed.

“But we have to!”

“Do we?”

Alya’s gaze snapped to her so quickly, it was a miracle she didn’t have whiplash. “Of course we do. Don’t you want Marinette and Adrien to be happy?”

She hesitated; it suddenly felt like she was standing in the middle of a minefield. She needed to weigh her words carefully. “Of course I want Marinette to be happy. But she’s already going with Luka. Can’t we just let them enjoy the evening? Can’t we just enjoy the evening? Without scheming?” She certainly wouldn’t object to a scheme free evening.

“Juleka does have a point-“ Rose started to say.

“You’re only saying that because she’s going with your brother.”

Back before she had seen Marinette transform, had she found herself on the receiving end of such a glare, she would have shrunk in on herself. She would have faded into the background. Even a month ago, before she had become a tigress, she probably would have. It was the easy thing to do. Far easier than standing up to anyone.

But she was a tigress now.

And tigresses knew how to fade into the background. To move about unseen and undetected.

But they also knew how to roar.

“No, I’m not. I just want her- everyone to enjoy the night. I want Marinette to be happy and-”

“And that’s what I want!”

“That’s what we all want-” Rose started to say, only to be cut off again.

“After all the time she’s spent pining over Adrien, trying so hard to get him to notice her, you just want her to give up?” She met Alya’s glare with stoney silence. But before she could muster up words to redirect this conversation, or at least stall it, Alya’s eyes narrowed even further. “I knew it!” she hissed. “I knew something weird was going on-“

“Oh not this again,” Alix groaned.

“Not what again?”

Mylène—who at some point had gotten up—stepped forward tentatively, hands held out as if trying to placate. Though she wasn’t sure if it was her or Alya she was trying to calm. “Alya thinks-“

“I know-“

“Alya thinks you’ve been messing with the Adrien plans…”

Shoot. “What?”

“I told you it was dumb, Alya,” Alix said pointedly before looking up from her game to look at her. “She thinks you’ve been plotting against us.”

Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot.

“We told her it was just little miscommunications and accidents-“ Mylène started to say, only to be cut off.

“But I know it’s been more than that!”

“But Juleka wouldn’t lie to us!” Rose cried out indignantly, knocking over one of her bottles on nail polish as she stood up.

“Everybody lies. Right, Juleka?”

Alya was right. She would lie. She had lied to them. For months. But she had done it for Marinette’s sake!

And now this left her with a dilemma…

Was it better to come clean and tell them? Or was it better to stay quiet?

If she told them, she would have to tell them that Marinette had told her that she wanted to be with Luka. But Marinette had sworn her to secrecy, and she couldn’t betray Marinette’s trust. But if she didn’t come clean, she would be lying to them, which, granted, she had been doing every time she meddled with a plot… but those had always been little white lies!

Hadn’t they?

What was the right thing to do?

She could hear the blood rushing past her ears. It was the only sound she could hear. Everything - everyone - was silent. They were all just… just silent. Staring at her, waiting for her to- were they waiting for her to respond? Were they waiting for Alya to say something?

She was suffocating in the weight of the silence.

What was she supposed to do?

How did she get herself out of this?

“Come on Alya, that’s enough,” Mylène reprimanded. Her usually quiet voice was like thunder in the silence room. Suddenly, they were all talking

“Just let it go, it’s a stupid thing to fight about-” Alix added, only to be cut off.

“It’s not stupid! It’s-”

“Bijou, it’s ok. Just breathe…”

All of their voices were overlapping. Blending into each other until they were an almost indistinguishable cacophony. All muffled by the blood rushing past her ears and the thoughts ricocheting around in her head.

What was she supposed to do?

She needed quiet. Peace. To think.

She needed to get away.

But how?

For once, Shadowmoth was her saving grace.

The akuma alert blared from all of their phones. She jumped at the sound. Alix was the only one who hadn’t, actually. Then again, Alix had been the only one to be somewhat disengaged in the growing tension over the Adrienette plots. As Alix had said when they had settled into the meeting, she had mostly been there for the snacks.

Quickly, she scanned the akuma alert. There wasn’t much information about it, but it was by the tower.

Why was it always the tower? It was like akumas and tourists thought that was the only important place in Paris.

But it didn’t matter.

She needed to leave. She needed to be somewhere Ladybug could easily find her if she needed help with this one. And given last night… it was a pretty good possibility.

She froze when she looked up from her phone, her words dying on her lips. She could also see Alya’s desperation to go to ground zero of the akuma battle.

But Alya also looked like she wasn’t done arguing yet.

As it was, Alya was at an impasse. Both with herself and with her.

Because Alya couldn’t stay to argue with her and go get footage for her blog.

Or at least, she would be at an impasse with Alya. If she wanted to continue arguing with the equivalent of a brick wall that was.

“I gotta go. Need to check on Luka and Ma.” The lie was bitter in her mouth as she dashed towards the door.

“But bijou!”

“I’ll be careful!”

She was already out the door before Alya’s spluttered protests could reach her ears.

***

Her feet pounded against the pavement as she ran towards the Liberty.

If Ladybug needed her, she needed to be somewhere she would be easy to find.

At least her story- her lie about needing to check on Luka and her ma was believable. Of course, neither Luka nor her ma were supposed to be onboard right now. Luka was hanging out with his friends at Aimee’s place, and her ma was staging fight choreography at a community theatre in a completely different arrondissement. None of the girls knew that though. And the Liberty was docked close enough to the tower that, while not directly in harm’s way, was close enough that under other circumstances she would be worried.

But Juleka wouldn’t lie to us!

Rose’s words echoing in her head almost brought her to a halt.

She needed to keep going.

But the words weighed on her.

Rose had been wrong. She had lied to them. She had been lying to them for months now.

It had never felt great to lie. But they were harmless, small little lies. Or at least…

It had started with little lies. Little white lies. About texting the wrong time or texting the wrong person…

But the lies… they had become bigger.

And so much easier.

And the more she lied- whether by omission or fabrication, the harder it was to tell where the line between a half-truth and a lie lay. Was it even really a line anymore?

Had there ever been a line?

And with how easy the lies, the half-truths, the misdirections… how easy it had become to lie to her friends, her family… how easy it had all become…

The fact that she had so easily brushed off all of her lies until now… until she had been confronted and questioned point blank…

What kind of person did that make her?

She needed to keep going.

She didn’t have time for this.

But how was she supposed to move forward now?

She pumped her arms and legs even harder. Her lungs were starting to burn as she sprinted along the sidewalk, dodging dawdling tourists and ambling people left and right. With every step she took, the same question pounded through her head. Echoing the sound of her feet against the pavement.

What was she supposed to do now?

Finally, the Liberty came into view. She had barely made it on board when she saw a flash of red drop from the sky, down into the clutter of the meeting place they had hidden amongst all her ma’s chaos.

She darted over just as Ladybug peeked out from behind a crate.

“Good, you’re here. Are you free to help?”

“Always. So what are we looking at?” she asked as Ladybug pulled the bracelet from her yoyo.

“Not sure yet, I wanted to see if I could find you on my way there.”

“Well, glad that worked out,” she chuckled as she slipped the bracelet on. “Yeah, I’m free. Roarr, stripes on!”

***

She stared in disbelief as the ‘akuma’ was loaded into the back of a police car by an officer.

“…came all the way here, and decided he wanted to pull a prank,” Officer Roger groaned as he watched the door to the police car slam shut. “The embassy will have to deal with him. Tourists,” he added under his breath.

“Well,” Ladybug sighed as she massaged her temples, “at least no one was actually akumatized. I might need to do a press conference or something to remind people akumas aren’t something to joke about.”

“I’ll talk to the Commissioner and Mayor about it” Roger sighed before turning back to face her and Ladybug. “Good to see you, Ladybug. Purple Tigress, always a pleasure.”

“Take care,” she said with a nod before Officer Roger turned and headed back towards the cluster of police cars. “Talk about a waste of time,” she grumbled as she watched the cars drive off.

“You’d think they’d learn. C’mon,” Ladybug said, nodding towards the rooflines. Wordlessly, she followed Ladybug up. Once they were balanced on the roof, Ladybug turned to her with a wry smile. “Well, I can’t say I’m sorry it was just a tourist. You’re still ok for patrol later tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. Thank you, Juleka, you’re really saving my butt right now. Hold onto it until the end of patrol,” Ladybug added before she could finish undoing the clasp on the Miraculous.

She nodded. “I’ll just message you a good place to meet up once we’re done?” she asked as she fiddled with her Miraculous. Ladybug still took it back most of the time after patrols, but she had gotten to hang onto it overnight a couple times. And she would be lying if she said she didn’t mind relinquishing her hold on it. She was going to miss hanging out with Roarr and patrolling the city.

“That sounds perfect.” She glanced up at Ladybug to find her smiling thoughtfully at her.

***

She went halfway towards home as Tigress before she ducked into an abandoned back alley. Once she was sure the coast was clear, she dropped her transformation.

“I was looking forward to a good fight…” Roarr complained as soon as she was out of the Miraculous.

“I know,” she murmured, holding out her hand to the disgruntled kwami. “But it’s just as well. Ladybug doesn’t have much time left to work on her project, and I’m all out of emergency candy.”

“I guess…” Roarr mumbled as she settled into her palm. Despite her obvious disappointment at the lack of a fight, the kwami seemed unable to stop herself from purring as she stroked the soft fur on her head.

“I need to stop by the store on the way home and pick up some more eyeliner-”

“Your war paint,” Roarr corrected.

“Sure, my ‘war paint,’ but I’ll get you some more emergency candy. And…” she said, a smirk drawing across her face as Roarr’s ears twitched at the shift in her tone, “I’ll get you some anchovies too.” She couldn’t help but wrinkle her nose at the thought of the smelly, canned fish that Roarr adored. “Would that make you feel better?”

“I suppose…” Roarr said, her purr slipping into her voice.

“Come on then,” she said, gesturing to backpack. As soon as Roarr was safely hidden in her pack, she shrugged it back onto her shoulder and slipped out of the alley.

Once she stepped into the store, she made her way to the cosmetics aisle. Listlessly, she began perusing the display racks. Normally she enjoyed shopping for makeup—especially when her favourite eyeliner was on sale—but the deal on her favourite brand of eyeliner didn’t muster the usual excitement it would have.

Getting excited over a good price on eyeliner felt trivial compared to everything that was going on right now.

“What’s wrong, Juleka?”

She jumped at the sudden sound of Roarr’s voice in her ear.

“What are you doing?” she hissed. “Get back in my bag before someone sees you!” She cast a glance around the aisle, but thankfully no one else was browsing the cosmetics.

“It’s fine, your hair is so thick no one can see me when I’m hidden in it.” She let out a sigh of exasperation, but Roarr continued on, undeterred. “So what’s the matter? Usually you’re happy when you’re looking at all this stuff,” she felt Roarr’s tail flick against her ear, “but you aren’t today.”

“Well,” she said slowly as she picked up a random lipstick off the shelf and made a show of looking at the packaging. Hopefully, if anyone came into this section of the store, it would look like she was just mumbling over the packing of the lipstick instead of talking to her hair. “Alya caught on to what I’ve been up to…”

As she continued through the store, she filled Roarr in as quickly as she could, pausing in front of random displays under the guise of browsing to give herself more time to explain everything. Or at least, everything she could. But even that was only half the truth. Roarr still didn’t know that she knew Marinette was Ladybug, only that she had been interfering with the plots to get Adrien and Marinette together.

Even confiding about her dilemma was a mockery of it.

“…and it’s just a huge mess now,” she groaned as she dropped another bag of Roarr’s favourite candies into her shopping basket.

“So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t want to keep lying-”

“I didn’t ask what you didn’t want to do. I asked what you’re going to do?”

“I don’t know. I mean- Bustier is always drilling it into use that lying is wrong, and they’re my friends…”

“But…?”

“But if I tell them, they’ll ask questions. Alya will demand answers. Answers I can’t give without betraying Marinette’s trust. And I would never do that.”

Roarr let out a satisfied purr. “A good tigress protects her own, and you’re a great Tigress. This Marinette girl is lucky to have you.”

She bit back a wry smile at the way Roarr distanced herself from Marinette. “But what should I do? What’s the right thing to do?”

Roarr let out something that was a cross between a yowl and a sigh. “You’re asking someone who’s kept her existence a secret from the world for millennia. As for the right thing… you mortals have such rigid understandings of what those concepts mean. There’s right and wrong, and there’s right and wrong.”

“So… you think I should lie?”

“A Tigress fights her own battles, whether with her claws or her head.” Roarr nuzzled against the back of her neck. “Trust your judgment. You may not realize it, but you know what you’re doing.”

***

As she began making her way back home, she tried to think of how she would do her makeup for the dance. She already had a pretty clear idea, but there were still a few details she needed to decide on. Same with her hair. And her nails.

Really, she tried to think about anything except what had gone down during the meeting. But as hard as she tried, her mind kept finding its way back. Relieving every moment of it.

And dwelling on all of it.

‘I told you it was dumb.’

Except, it wasn’t…

‘We told her it was just little miscommunications and accidents.’

There had been nothing accidental about any of it…

‘But I know it’s been more than that!’

And the one time Alya was right…

She could tell them. She could come clean and fess up. Tell them- not everything. But she could tell them she had been sabotaging the schemes.

Except she couldn’t.

Lying was wrong.

But right now, telling the truth didn’t feel right either.

And while Roarr’s advice- well, it felt like a stretch to call it advice… but while Roarr’s words had comforted her, they hadn’t really given her an answer.

If anything, Roarr had only given her more food for thought. And it was tough things to chew on.

By the time she was trudging across the gangplank, she was still no closer to an answer. If anything, it felt like she had spiralled further away from one.

“Hey, Jules,” she looked up from her feet, where her gaze had drifted at some point during the walk home. Luka was sitting on the edge of the stage, his guitar in hand.

“You’re back already?”

“Yeah, Nadine had an audition tonight and Bri had a shift, so we packed it in early. Captain called by the way, she’s going to be later than she thought and the crew is all grabbing a bite so it’s just you and me for dinner. We’re doing takeout, anything you feel like?”

“I’m good with whatever. Just no-”

“Olives. I know,” he chuckled as he idly strummed his guitar. But then he frowned. He strummed the same notes again before he looked up from his guitar to meet her gaze. “Is everything ok? You sound a little flat.”

She hesitated. Luka was always the first person she turned to for advice. But he was… well, he was honest. And she knew honesty and lies were a bit of a sore subject for him, given their ma’s refusal to tell him the truth about his father.

“C’mon Jules, you know you can talk about anything with me,” he said as he set his guitar aside and patted the empty stage next to him.

She sighed as she sat down next to him. “What are your thoughts about… about lies? And lying?”

“What do you mean?”

“Is the truth always better than a lie?”

He turned to her with puzzlement and concern written all over his face. “What’s this all about, Jules?”

“Say you weren’t being… entirely honest about something to a friend.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And you were doing it because at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do, even though you didn’t like it. And now some people think you’re telling the truth and others think you’re lying and you suddenly aren’t sure-”

“Jules,” Luka’s voice was quiet and gentle, but firm. “Take a breath.” She did as he told her, and once he seemed satisfied that she was at least a little calmer, he continued. “Now, why don’t you tell me what this is all about?”

She sighed. If there was one person she could be straight with about her recent involvement in the Adrien schemes, it was Luka. “You know how the girls and I used to plot all those schemes to get Adrien and Marinette together?’

“Yeah I- used to? I thought those were still happening. Or did they stop when I asked-”

“They are. Like Alya would give up.” Luka snorted at that. “But… but I’ve maybe been kind of completely sabotaging them for months now.” She spat the words out as quickly as she could, and she suddenly felt so much lighter.

“Really? You don’t say…” The sarcasm was practically dripping from his voice. “What?” he added when she snapped her head to stare incredulously at him. “All those times you found excuses for me to spend time with Marinette? You know Couaffines can only be so subtle.” He had a point: she was still her mother’s daughter after all. And maybe subtlety had gone by the wayside when she had been dealing with him… but subtlety only went so far when dealing with her brother’s particular brand of idiot…

“And you’ve been telling me to ask her out for months. Remember?” She rolled her eyes, but allowed herself a wry smile at the memory of the multitude of headaches he had caused her. “So I take it you’re asking me this because the girls found out?”

“Alya suspects. The rest of the girls think she’s being paranoid.”

“And you don’t know if it’s better to come clean?” She nodded glumly. He sighed as he leaned back on his hands. “Honestly, I don’t know, Jules. It sucks being lied to, and they’ll probably find out eventually.”

“But if I have a reason not to tell them?”

Really, it was a matter of reasons.

“It would have to be a pretty good reason. At least, I think so. And I guess that’s where it gets more complicated. Is it better to hide the truth because it hurts? Or will it hurt more when they find out you’ve been lying to them? Will the lies even protect them from the hurt?”

Her gaze dropped down to her lap.

They would be hurt.

If she told the truth now, they would be hurt. But they would also be hurt if she told them the truth later.

If she didn’t tell them, if she kept lying and they found out, they would be hurt.

But if she told them the truth, Marinette would also be hurt.

She would be going back on a promise.

And if she kept lying and they all found out she had been meddling, would Marinette be hurt then too?

No matter what she did, someone could end up getting hurt.

She saw Luka shift out of the corner of her eye. She turned in time to see him shift to gaze down at his bracelets. She watched as he flicked listlessly at them. To anyone else, it would look like he was just fiddling with his jewelry. But the way he was flicking at it… it was obvious he was thinking about a particular bracelet.

“But I think… well, there are some lies that need to be told. I made you promise not to tell anyone about how I felt about Marinette-”

“Which I didn’t.”

“But I’m guessing you had to tell lies to keep it a secret?”

She had certainly been… creative with the truth. “It wasn’t my secret to tell.”

He turned to her with heavy eyes and a grateful smile. “And I think that makes things more complicated too. Keeping secrets but also being honest.” He had no idea. “Honestly, Jules, I don’t think I have an answer for you. I don’t think it’s an easy black and white problem.”

“I figured as much.” With another wry smile, she stood up. “I’m going to go chill for a bit, and then I have to go out again. Are you ok if we have a late dinner?”

“Works for me. Tom and Sabine sent Aimee home with a ton of stuff and Nadine brought falafel and fatayers-”

“Did you bring me any?”

“You really think there was any left by the time everyone had their fill?”

“Dingo ate most of it, didn’t he?”

“Of course he did.”

“You owe me then.”

“Wouldn’t Dingo-”

“Well, better you had all of that today.” If she was going to bring a dour mood to the boat, it was also up to her to break it. “Wouldn’t want you to have garlic breath for Marinette, now would we?”

“Jules!”

She smirked as she walked away; she didn’t need to look to know his ears were probably glowing bright red.

“Coast is clear,” she murmured once she was in her room. Roarr zipped out of her bag to hover over her shoulder with wide, pleading eyes as she unpacked her shopping bag. With the emergency candy stashed in her backpack and purses, and her new makeup carefully arranged on her dressing table, she rolled her eyes affectionately and pulled out the can of anchovies with only a little disgust.

“And you said I could watch videos on your phone while you read…” Roarr wheedled, giving her her best puppy—kitty?—eyes as she clutched the unopened can to her. She liked to use her claws to open them. Or, as Roarr called it, delivering the killing strike.

She pulled her phone out of the depths of her bag; just as she was passing it to Roarr, her stomach plummeted to the bottom of the Seine.

Two missed texts from Alix.

Five from Mylène.

Thirteen from Rose.

Between the false alarm, her shopping expedition, and her rather preoccupied walk home, she hadn’t thought to check her phone…

Rose 🌹💗: I wanted to say sorry

Rose 🌹💗: I feel really bad about not telling you

Rose 🌹💗: I didn’t think Alya would be so intense

Rose 🌹💗: I thought it would be better to just go along

Rose 🌹💗: that she would realize sooner or later she didn’t need to worry

Rose had sent those messages ages ago.

And she hadn’t responded.

Quickly, she began typing. She just hoped Rose didn’t think she was mad.

Queen of Darkness 🦇: I'm so sorry! I got home but the akuma was a false alarm so I went out to get more eyeliner for tomorrow and I didn’t check my phone! I promise I wasn’t ignoring you

It wasn’t the full or exact truth. But she had picked up eyeliner. And hadn’t been ignoring Rose—or the rest of the girls—on purpose.

But it still felt like a lie.

Dots appeared on the screen immediately.

Rose 🌹💗: It’s ok!!!!!

Rose 🌹💗: I wanted to say sorry

Rose 🌹💗: actually

Rose 🌹💗: can I call you????

Rose 🌹💗: I want to say it properly

She pressed the dial button, and Rose picked up before the first ring could even finish.

“Angel, I’m-”

“I’m so sorry, bijou!” The anguish in Rose’s voice was palpable. “I should have never let things go so far! I should have told you right away! Or at least sooner! Before it ever came to this! But I thought it would be better to just try and go with it. That maybe she would give up? Or see reason- I don’t know but the point is-”

“Rose. Rose. Slow down. Take a nice deep breath for me,” she waited while she listened to Rose inhale deeply and then exhale. “Can you start at the beginning? Because honestly, I don’t really know exactly what it is you’re apologizing for.”

Rose sniffled. “Yeah, I can do that. I just, please don’t be mad at me,” Rose’s words tumbled out in an almost incomprehensible stream.

“Take another breath.” She waited while she again listened to Rose’s breathing. Usually, it was Rose telling her to take a deep breath. “Ok?”

“Yeah.” Over the line, she heard Rose take in a shaky breath, like she was trying to work herself up to say whatever it was she was apologizing for. “Ok, so you remember when we went shopping? And Luka bumped into the guys while he was out buying guitar strings? And he joined us all for lunch, and asked Marinette to the dance and sat beside her during lunch?”

How could she forget?

“Well, Alya thought that you had made Luka come. That you had ruined her plan on purpose.”

Which she had.

“And- well, she told us that she thought it was weird how the schemes with Adrien seemed to be going worse and worse the last few months. And she thought… well, she made this chart…”

Of course she had.

“It started with that time you texted Marinette the wrong time for the movie. And, well, she was just so sure that you were trying to ruin things with Adrien. We all tried to tell her how ridiculous it was! You would never do anything to ruin Marinette’s love life.”

Technically true. Just not in the way Rose thought…

“But you know how Alya can be sometimes…”

Try always.

“And she was so sure that you were sabotaging things so she set up secret meetings without you to plan other schemes that you wouldn’t know about.”

So was that what the unsent message had been about?

“And she said that if the schemes we planned at the meetings you were there for went wrong, that would be proof that you were meddling.”

“But the plans always go wrong.”

Sometimes, they just needed a helping hand.

“That’s what we all told her. But she was so insistent. She wouldn’t listen to reason! And we- well, we went along with it. The secret meetings, I mean. The day I said I couldn’t go to lunch…”

“There was another meeting after the one I went to.” It wasn’t even a question at this point.

“I didn’t like it. None of us did. But… I guess we thought that maybe we could get her to listen if we humoured her for a bit? Help her realize how silly she was being about the whole thing. I think we all hoped she would realize herself. Beforeshe could make any accusations like she did. That’s what we wanted to avoid. None of us liked it. Leaving you out that way. Lying and going behind your back. I wanted to tell you. We all did. But- we…” On the other end of the line, Rose descended into a fresh wave of tears and sniffles.

“Shhh, it’s ok,” she murmured gently. It took a while, but after several minutes of offering quiet, and what she hoped were soothing and comforting, words of encouragement, Rose was able to talk through her tears again.

“I didn’t like lying to you. But I thought it was the right thing to do. Please don’t be mad at me- you have every right to be- but at least let me make it up to you. Please?”

Her heart twisted at Rose’s words. At the tears in her voice.

How could she be mad at Rose? Especially when she had been lying for far longer.

She hesitated.

She could tell Rose. She could tell her that Alya was right, and that she had been sabotaging the plans the whole time.

But not without going back on her promise…

“I know,” she said quietly. “And I’m not angry; I understand why you didn’t tell me.” The words tingled on the tip of her tongue. But… she couldn’t. “Your heart was in the right place. It always is.” Rose sniffled at her words. “I love you. Ok?”

She just hoped she was making the right choice.

“I love you too, bijou.”

***

She flew across the rooftops; the speed with which she was running and leaping, it felt like her feet didn’t even touch the ground.

It was a sharp contrast to the heavy thoughts warring inside her head.

She should have known going into all of this that it would only be a matter of time before Alya got suspicious. If not of her specifically then at least of all the ways the schemes went wrong that didn’t have to do with Marinette getting flustered or Adrien’s scheduling. She should have suspected this would be a bridge she would need to cross sooner or later.

But she hadn’t realized later would come so soon.

And now that she was here…

She had never enjoyed lying to the girls. But it had been so much easier when they had no idea what was really going on. It had been easy enough to brush off the feeling of the lies in her mouth and the pangs of guilt that echoed in her chest.

And she had never lied directly.

Or at least, not often.

She had just… misdirected and misrepresented with her words.

She came to a halt at the end of a block of row houses, catching herself against a chimney.

Wasn’t that the same thing as lying, really?

If she told the girls the truth—well, part of it—now, would they understand? Would they forgive her?

Would they believe her if she said she had seen the way Marinette was reluctant to participate in the plans she knew about? That she had noticed how uncomfortable Marinette was around Adrien? Or would they chalk that up to Marinette’s nerves?

Rose, Mylène, and Alix might- they probably would… but she couldn’t see Alya believing her. And even then… would Alya just take that as an admission of guilt anyway? For meddling? Would her friends be hurt?

Was there even a right answer?

Her talks with Roarr, Luka, and Rose had just given her more to chew on.

Roarr had said she knew what she was doing.

But obviously she didn’t.

And the kwami’s stance on what the right thing was… was less than helpful. She wasn’t even entirely sure she understood what Roarr had meant.

Luka had said there were some lies that needed to be told. He had obviously been thinking about his duties as Viperion.

She had never questioned lying to keep Ladybug’s secrets…

But Marinette’s secrets were just as important as Ladybug’s.

And how could she live with herself if she only protected some of those secrets?

And Rose…

She wasn’t mad at Rose. How could she be? All Rose had been trying to do was protect her feelings.

And Alix and Mylène… they had both confessed the truth- the full truth of what had been going on behind her back. They had confessed. They had apologized. And they had checked in on her too, to make sure she was ok after the way the meeting had ended.

She still wished Rose- that all of them had just told her from the start.

But that just made her a hypocrite. Her hands weren’t exactly clean…

She had told Rose her heart had been in the right place. And it had been.

She liked to think hers was, too. But she had also become so accustomed to lying. To secrets. And everything Rose did was paved with good intentions.

Would the rest of the girls be as understanding? Would they see things the same way?

And worst of all…

Was she only feeling this way now… questioning all of this now because Alya had called her out?

Would she have crossed—or, more accurately, gotten stuck on—this bridge eventually?

Or would she have just continued to lie?

Guilt and indecision weighed down her otherwise light footsteps as she bounded across the rooftops towards her meeting place with Ladybug. Usually patrol was a good way to blow off steam, but she felt just as tense as she had when she left for patrol. Maybe even more so, knowing she wouldn’t have Roarr curled up under the covers with her tonight.

Even if the kwami’s advice hadn’t been helpful, the cuddles always made her feel better.

By the time she had made it to the top of the south bell tower of Notre Dame, Ladybug was waiting for her.

Ladybug was sitting on the edge of the roof. One of her legs dangling over the edge, the other she was hugging to herself, resting her chin on it as she stared out absently over the city. The sun was still in the sky, but it was sinking towards the horizon.

“Ladybug?”

Ladybug turned, but didn’t stand. “Yeah?”

“You ok?”

“Oh, yeah. I just… I have a lot on my mind. I’ve had a lot on my mind for a long time. But especially after yesterday…” Ladybug trailed off, her face flushed with the same shade of embarrassment as last night, when she had collected the Miraculous and apologized profusely for having such a heated argument with Chat in front of her. “You look like you have a lot on your mind too.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled, kicking a stray pebble, “you could say that.”

Ladybug offered her a half smile and patted the empty roof beside her. “Maybe we can have a lot on our minds together for a bit? I…” Ladybug smiled shyly, “I wouldn’t mind having a break with a friend.”

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

They sat in silence for some time. Ladybug had gone back to staring pensively out over the city, her hands uncharacteristically still in her lap. An errant breeze ruffled their hair as she turned her own attention out to the city below her.

It was almost comical, really.

That after dealing with countless schemes, ad campaigns, and even akumas, this was what she was getting hung up on. Lying and secrets.

How could she be a hero if she didn’t even know what the right thing to do was?

She sighed. They never showed this in the movies, and none of the interviews with the American heroes that Alya always watched ever talked about this. There wasn’t a guidebook on how to deal with this.

But… if there was one person who would understand lying and secrets better than anyone she knew…

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course!” Ladybug said, angling to turn to her. “I’m always here if you need to talk.”

She smiled gratefully at Ladybug, before taking a deep breath. “How do you deal with it?” she asked quietly. “The lying, I mean?”

“…the lying?”

“You know, the lies. Akuma attacks, well, they happen without warning and I figure you’ve got to have a life outside the mask so I assumed you must have to make up excuses to slip away.” It wasn’t quite the kind of lying she was grappling with. Though, to be frank, she still wasn’t all that great at coming up with excuses to slip away in case Tigress was needed, too. But it felt close enough.

Beside her, Ladybug shifted, then sighed. It was a heavy sigh. A sound that expressed the weight of magical jewelry and everything it entailed. “I hate it.” Ladybug admitted quietly.

Ladybug had her arms wrapped around her knees, hugging them close to her chest. Her eyes were fixed on the horizon, but her gaze was far away. Like she was trying to see something just out of sight.

She let her own gaze drift back to the sky in front of them as she waited for her friend to gather her words.

“I guess… I guess it helps that I know I have to. To keep them safe. Telling people, it would put them at risk. And it’s my job- I want to protect them. So I lie. I lie to my friends. To my family. To Lu- lots of people.”

She nodded solemnly, her gaze fixed out on the city below. Somehow, they had come to the silent agreement that this conversation was easier to have without looking the other in the eye.

It… it was different. Maybe. But it also wasn’t.

Marinette lied to the people she loved to protect them.

She lied to the people she loved to protect Marinette’s happiness.

Sure, she wasn’t exactly out there saving lives with her lies. But wasn’t misery just as much a threat? Especially with Shadowmoth?

“How do you… how do you know when it’s the right time to lie?”

“It’s always felt like lying was the only option. Sometimes it’s just a little lie. Y’know, ‘oh I have to go to the washroom’ or something. But sometimes I need to make the lies bigger. And when I do, well, I try to only do it when I need to. When I need to do or say something, even if it’s hard, to protect someone.”

“I see.”

“It never goes away though.”

“What?”

“The guilt. Knowing I’m lying to people I care about and that I’ll keep lying. Even though I know it’s the right thing, I still hate it. But in some ways… I think the guilt is good.”

“How so?” The guilt that had been eating away at her all afternoon and evening… how could such a horrible feeling be good?

“If we feel guilty about lying, that means we’re still good people, even if we can’t be honest. Or at least,” Ladybug sighed, “that’s what I tell myself to try and stay sane.”

She frowned. “I… I never really thought of it that way.”

“I don’t know if it’s true, but it helps to tell myself that, at least.”

“Whoever you are, Ladybug, you’re a good person.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small smile creep across Ladybug’s face. “So are you, Tigress.”

They settled back into silence, though it was a somewhat lighter silence this time. The only measure of time was the sun continuing its slow descent towards the horizon.

“I’m tired of lying. I want to tell… people the truth. But I guess I’m so used to keeping secrets- and it’s such a big secret and it wouldn’t just change things for me-“ Ladybug cut herself off abruptly. Tigress turned to look at her friend, who flashed her an embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry. You asked me- you asked for advice and here I am blathering about my own problems. But I wanted to ask… you asked about the lying… is it too much? It know how hard it all is, and if this is getting to be too much-“

“No, no. It’s fine. I- I like being Tigress. And I don’t mind you talking about your stuff. Actually,” she said slowly, “it helped. A lot. And for what it’s worth, I think if there’s someone you trust enough with your secret, I’m betting they’d be happy to help you share the burden.”

“Maybe…” Ladybug said thoughtfully.

“I guess it’s a good thing I had patrol tonight.”

“Oh?”

She smiled wryly. “Misery loves company, especially when it’s over the same problem.” A look flashed across Ladybug’s face that made her pause. “Or… did you have something else on your mind? You know I’m here to talk too, if you need it.” The fury in Ladybug’s eyes from last night flashed in her mind. “Yesterday…yesterday was a lot. Are you doing ok?”

Ladybug’s face softened into a smile. “I know. And I am. Doing ok, that is.” She must not have looked particularly convinced because Ladybug chuckled. Enough so that the corners of her eyes crinkled, warping the spots of her mask. “Really, I’m fine. I promise,” she said before turning back to look over the city. “Last night was hard. Lying is hard. But sometimes…sometimes… well, I think it’s good. To do the hard things, that is. Even when you really don’t want to.”

That did not sound… reassuring.

Maybe it was good to do hard things sometimes, but Chat had made things harder than necessary yesterday. He had been for a long time.

There was still a hint of a smile onLadybug’s face, but it was caught somewhere between wistful and wry. And the look in her eyes… it wasn’t unlike the look Marinette got when she was studying a piece of clothing, trying to figure out its construction and such. Then the glint in her eyes was gone.

She shifted beside Ladybug, opening her mouth to say something. But before she could figure out the words, Ladybug broke the silence.

“I promise, I know what I’m doing. Trust me.”

“I do.”

She did. She just hoped Ladybug wasn’t going to make things harder for herself than they already were.

Speaking of which…

“I’m sorry for keeping you so long. I know you’re working to a deadline.”

“Don’t worry about it. I was probably due for a break anyways and…” Ladybug smiled softly, “it was nice. Talking about all of this. I’ve never really had anyone who got it.”

Ladybug- Marinette should have had someone who got it. She deserved someone who got it. She should have had someone from the start.

And she… she hadn’t realized it until now. But she hadn’t really had someone who got it either. Not all of it. Luka… there were some things she couldn’t tell hm. Some things he couldn’t get. But even if she couldn’t talk to Luka about everything, he was always there. And just knowing he was there made all the difference. But…

She hadn’t truly realized, hadn’t truly appreciated how much it meant to have someone who got it. And it made her heart ache that Marinette had been without someone for so long.

“I may not get all of it, but I’m here. Whenever you need me.”

***

“Get all your errands done?”

“Yep. Get all your love songs written?”

“Nope,” he half sighed. She could hear the eye roll in his voice. “Food should be here soon. I ordered sushi.”

“Did you get-”

“Yes, I got spicy tuna. And spicy salmon.”

“Good. I’m going down below for a bit. I need to figure out how I’m doing my nails for tomorrow- yes, you can borrow my good black nail polish.”

“Thanks. I’ll let you know when the food’s here.”

Once she was back in her room, she spread her nail polish bottles out across her dressing table. She probably wouldn’t do a manicure, given she had the lace gloves, but her shoes were open toed so it would be nice to have her toenails painted.

Plus, she could really use a nice, relaxing pedicure.

Honestly, she could do with a whole spa day. But that would have to wait. For now, an at home pedicure would have to do.

She had just gotten her choices narrowed down, and was trying to decide which of the two deep plum shades would better match the lipstick she was planning on wearing when Luka’s voice floated down from above deck.

“Jules.” She frowned at the sound of his voice. It was… it wasn’t… usually, when he called her to let her know their food was there or he needed her help with something- “Alya’s here to see you.”

She almost dropped the bottles of nail polish.

She should have seen this coming, what with the way they—she—had left things at the meeting earlier. Really, when she thought about it, it was suspicious that Alya hadn’t shown up earlier. Like right after the akuma was declared a hoax. Although… maybe there had been another meeting, like the ones Rose had told her had been going on…

But Rose hadn’t said anything about another meeting taking place after the one she had run out of. And based on the timestamps, Mylène, Alix, and Rose had all started texting her almost right after she had bolted out.

Grimacing, she set down the bottles of nail polish. Alya was probably the last person she wanted to talk to right now. Except maybe Adrien. It was probably too late to pretend she was in the shower or something…

But even if they didn’t have… whatever this talk was going to be now, she would only be delaying the inevitable.

Sighing, she got up.

It seemed the time had come for her to cross this bridge.

She just hoped it wouldn’t end up burnt…

Luka was standing with his guitar slung over his back and his hands shoved into his pockets. Most people found Luka hard to read; people said he kept his cards close to his chest. Maybe it was a Couffaine thing, or maybe it was just a sibling thing, but she had never had trouble reading her brother. And she did not like the look on his face.

What most people would mistake for his resting face, she recognized as guarded. And there was something in his eyes- annoyance. And a sudden fatigue.

Alya was standing across from him. She looked like she was ready for battle, with the tense way she was holding herself. Like she was ready to spring into action at a second’s notice. To say nothing of the hard and determined look on her face. The same look she had whenever she…

What had she said to Luka?

They both turned to look at her as the top step squeaked under her foot.

Alya’s eyes narrowed behind her glasses, the lenses flashing in the dying light.

The tension in the air was palpable.

Luka looked at her with a silent question in his eyes. Luka was perceptive—about most things—and the vibes Alya was putting out right now? Well, Kim would have picked up on them…

A few months ago, she would have asked him to stay. She would have needed him to. Part of her still wanted him to. But she also wanted- needed to do… whatever this was going to be, on her own.

She squared her shoulders, and nodded. He gave her one last questioning and concerned look, which she returned with another nod. He nodded and left with a promise that he was close by if she needed him in his eyes.

As she watched Luka warily head down the stairs below deck, she steeled herself for the oncoming storm.

“I would have come earlier,” Alya said. It was a good thing she hadn’t come earlier, especially as she had come with no warning. “But I got held up.”

Alya didn’t offer anything more, which left her with the distinct feeling she would not like whatever it was that had held Alya up.

If she had to guess… her money was on a new set of schemes.

Part of her wanted to ask, but there was no way Alya would tell her if her suspicions were correct. Not after this afternoon. Especially not, given the way Alya was watching her, with her arms folded across her chest and her eyes boring into her.

“Just as well,” she said carefully, “I was out earlier. I had errands to run.”

“Oh?” It was impressive how Alya could make it sound like both a question and accusation.

“I needed to pick up some more eyeliner for tomorrow.”

Alya’s eyes narrowed even more, and her mouth twisted into a tight line. Part of her couldn’t help but wonder if Alya was about to demand to see her literal receipt. “Speaking of tomorrow, I don’t know what you’ve been- what you are playing at, but it needs to stop.”

“I’m not playing at anything.” That, at least, was the honest truth.

When it came to Luka and Marinette’s happiness, there was no playing.

Alya raised her brows. “The movie incident?”

“I texted her the wrong time for the movie we were going to go see.”

Technically true.

“The time we tried to get her to the park to see Adrien and she was out without her phone? You were slow to reply. And your messages never agreed to the plan! I went back and checked.”

“I was on the way home from the laundromat, I had my hands full! And Marinette forgets her phone at home all the time!”

“And the photoshoot?”

“Marinette made an outfit specifically for me to model, and I had the makeup masterclass starting the next weekend-”

“You were supposed to bail because of the class!” She and Alya both froze at the outburst; Alya’s eyes went wide, like she hadn’t been expecting to start shouting. She folded her arms across her chest as she watched Alya take a breath like Bustier always told them to. Though her exhale was still more of a huff than anything. Alya’s gaze refocused on her. “Luka asked her to the dance.”

“He did,” she agreed carefully.

“Adrien was supposed to ask her when we all met for lunch.”

“I didn’t know that.” That was the honest truth. Alya hadn’t told her about that particular scheme. Not that that would have changed anything…

“You should have known,” Alya snapped, a note of desperation making its way into her voice. “And Luka looked at you before he asked her.”

“So?”

“You put him up to it. You told him to ask her, even though you know Adrien and Marinette are meant to be.” Alya stepped towards her, a hiss slipping into her voice as she pointed an accusatory finger at her. Pain flared in her hands as her nails bit into her palms from how tightly her hands were balled into fists. But she refused to shrink. She refused to back down or balk. “You’ve been ruining the plans to get Adrien and Marinette together. Admit it.”

Alya was staring her down. Hard.

Months ago, she would have wilted under such a look. She never even would have made it far enough into a conflict to reach this precipice.

But here she was.

And she was not happy.

Alya had shown up, unannounced. She had said only the Universe knew what to Luka. Although she had her suspicions.

And now, Alya was flinging accusations.

Yes, those accusations were true.

Yes, she had been meddling and sabotaging at every turn.

But she had done her best to listen to Marinette and Luka.

She had respected what they wanted.

She had never picked a fight over any of this.

And now?

She was not happy.

Familiar heat was bubbling up in her stomach and coursing through her veins. Tension was seeping into every inch of her body. She pressed her lips together as tightly as she could, biting down on their insides to keep herself from saying something she would regret.

Alya looked just as tense: her chest was heaving and all her weight was on her toes. Like she was ready for anything. And she was staring hard at her.

It would be so easy to give into the white hot anger running through her right now. The anger at being confronted in her own home.

At having accusations, as true as they were, flung in her face.

At having to even be in this position in the first place…

But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

She had decided a long time ago that she never wanted to be Shadowmoth’s puppet ever again. And now that she had been given responsibilities, had protected Paris, had worked alongside Ladybug?

Well, that only strengthened her resolve.

She refused to be used like that to hurt her friends, her family, her home, ever again.

And part of those responsibilities- part of protecting everything she held dear, was not just fighting akumas.

It was preventing them too.

She took a breath to steady herself. “We both need to take a breath,” she said as calmly but as firmly as she could. “Neither of us wants to akumatized.”

Alya stumbled at her words, like she had been broken from some sort of trance. She shook her head and then blinked at her, like she was startled by the notion that either of them could be at risk of akumatization.

Without waiting for agreement—or protests—she let her eyes slip shut and began to inhale deeply. A moment later, she heard Alya join in with her.

She let herself focus on the steady rhythm of her breathing, and the slowing of her racing heart. Once she felt calm enough, she opened her eyes again.

Alya was staring at her once more.Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest, and there were still hints of a glare in her eyes. But at least it seemed her anger had melted back into suspicion. “Thanks,” Alya said quietly. “I needed that.”

“Me, too.”

“But you never admitted to it. To any of it.”

Right…

The truth was a tricky thing. And lies were just as difficult.

If she told Alya the truth about her interference, maybe it would help Alya step back and look at things for what they truly were. Maybe it would help Alya let go of her fixation on making Adrien and Marinette happen.

But she had made a promise.

And if she told Alya the truth, she would have questions. Questions she wouldn’t be able to answer. Not without breaking her promise and betraying Marinette’s trust. And she would go to her grave before she did that to Marinette.

Which meant that the truth would just lead to more lies anyways.

‘I think there are some lies that need to be told.’

‘I thought it was the right thing to do.’

‘I guess it helps that I know I have to. To keep them safe.’

Under the guise of taking another calming breath, she steeled herself.

And lied as honestly as she could.

“I didn’t tell him to ask her out the day we went shopping. I haven’t done anything to hurt Marinette’s happiness.”

Alya’s frown deepened as she left out a huff. Behind her glasses, her eyes were once again narrowed with suspicion. For her part, she did her best to look cool and collected. She forced herself to stand tall, but she couldn’t keep herself from fidgeting with the hem of her skirt.

“I don’t believe you-”

“-and if you see the dry-cleaners, then you’ve gone too far.” Luka’s voice and footsteps floated up from the stairs, and suddenly he was standing beside her—but a little ways off to give some semblance of privacy—his phone pressed to his ear. “Sorry,” he mumbled, covering his phone, “delivery guy got lost.” Alya’s face turned to disbelief before settling back into a suspicious glare pointed her way. He shot her a look with a silent question, to which she nodded. “Yeah, Darrel? Yeah, I’m still here. So if you take the next right, you should be on the North bank. We’re the houseboat with the huge stage. I’m on deck, just look for blue hair.” Luka started waving; she and Alya both looked in the direction he was looking. A tall, lanky guy with a phone pressed to his ear glanced at them and his face brightened.

They watched as the guy—Darrel—bounded down the steps and approached the gangplank.

“I have no idea how I missed it the first time,” he said as he ambled across the deck, completely oblivious to what he had just walked in on. How he couldn’t feel the tension in the air, thick as pea soup, was beyond her. “Not many houseboats have stages. Anyways, sorry for the delay. That looks like a wicked set up, I bet you could put on a pretty awesome concert…”

Alya eyed her suspiciously as Luka began to talk shop with Darrel.

Would Alya want to keep going in circles with her after Darrel was gone?

Would she- who was she kidding? Alya was not one to give up-

“I should get going. Let you have your dinner.”

What?

She snapped her gaze away from Darrel and Luka to look back at her friend. Alya was still watching her through narrowed eyes. But the heat that had been behind Alya’s eyes was gone. Replaced by a coolness.

What…

“Uh- yeah. Sounds good…”

“I’m sure tomorrow will be the night. The night Marinette’s dreamed about? The night she finally gets together with Adrien. Right?” Ok, yeah. Alya was definitely not giving up.

As admirable as her tenacity was… it was just as much headache inducing.

“Yeah,” she said slowly.

With one last look, Alya turned on her heel.

She watched as Alya made her way across the gangplank. Just one misplaced step… that’s all it would take…

If she were a better person, she wouldn’t be having these thoughts.

If she were a worse person, she probably would have already given into the temptation and pushed her into the river.

But she wouldn’t. No matter how tempting it was… Sure, out of the girl squad, Alya was the one she was the least close with. And the past couple of weeks—months for her—had certainly put a strain on their relationship it seemed.

But Alya was still her friend.

And it was the Seine.

She watched as Alya, now across safe and sound, headed towards the stairs that led to the street. As if feeling her eyes on her, Alya stopped and turned around to meet her gaze. It was hard to tell with the last of the evening sun reflecting off the lenses of her glasses, but based on the way Alya’s mouth was screwed into a tight line… She felt pretty safe on betting that her response to Alya’s parting words had done nothing to quell her suspicions.

Screwing her courage to the sticking place, she returned Alya’s gaze measure for measure. They stared at each other, caught in a silent showdown. And it seemed neither of them wanted to swerve first.

Would it be better to just give Alya the win?

Let her think she had called chicken first? Try and get her to lower her guard?

Or would it be better to hold firm?

Stand strong and not shrink back into the shadows?

Before she could debate herself into any more circles—she had had more than enough of that for one day—the sound of Darel's voice broke the air.

“Thanks for the tip, man,” Darrel said. She turned just in time to see him pass Luka a large paper bag filled with their dinner as he shoved the cash into a bag clipped to his belt. “Have a good one,” he said as he turned and headed towards the gangplank. Still seemingly blithely ignorant of the showdown he had interrupted.

Her gaze followed his movement, and then drifted past to the stairs to the street. But there was no sign of Alya.

“Watch your step,” she half-mumbled, half-called after him absently as her brows furrowed. She jumped at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder. When she turned, Luka was giving her the very definition of a ‘concerned older brother look.

“Everything ok?”

She looked back to the empty stairs, and then nodded with a sigh. “Yeah. Let’s eat.”

As she and Luka headed towards the stairs down below deck, she looked back one last time.

#cw anxiety #cw - anxiety #endgame lukanette #juleka vs the forces of the universe #juleka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #luka couffaine #alya cesaire #alya salt #adrien salt #chat noir salt #rose lavillant #mylene haprele #alix kubdel

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izzyspussy · 2 months

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see they're legally able to do the ya-yas from the old song in the new song because when blackhands split up they did it quick and extremely painful but were pretending to do it quick and painless and so their legal proceedings with regards to who owns the music they made together were pretty lazy and legally inadvisable and they just split it 50/50 like everything else bada boom bada bing we DON'T want to think about this AT ALL just GET IT DONE lawyers!! bye!!! and they didn't even say okay this specific half of songs etc they just had an arrangement of like 50% ownership each of the copyrights or whatever (idk how any of this works or if this is even possible just go with it)

anyway so then when the new song with izzy's new band comes out where he uses the ya-yas from the old song that ed wrote about him, and the new song is very obviously about ed and is not flattering, and it's a whole thing, stede and ed's new fans are like omg you should so totally sue that guy, and it gets so much traction on social media and in music/entertainment journalism and shit that izzy and his band think this is For Sure happening, like they Are going to get sued, and so they're like covertly preparing to countersuit but not that covertly and so that gets out and then ed is like omg he's going to SUE me?? </3 but of course at the same time both ed and izzy are like I Deserve This. I Deserve For Him To Sue Me For My Own Music Because It's His Too And I Am A Monster. And I Deserve To Be Defamed Also. Because I Am A Monster.

and then they do in fact sue each other due to the media pressure and the fact that they are both so certain the other one is going to sue them anyway so they might as well sue too even though in fact actually neither of them ever had any plans to sue the other one first, and they go to court about it and it gets dragged out horribly and it's a whole circus, and izzy gets supremely villainized and loses half of the half of the fans that he "poached" by being talented and emotionally genuine in his covers and new music and people start saying he probably didn't even write any of it and the covers were just a gimmick and none of that stuff is probably true about ed and ed is an innocent victim in all this, even tho ed like publicly admits on the record that he cheated on izzy and maybe he even tries to admit that he hit izzy but stede convinces him not to put that on record just in case izzy decides to use that to for further legal action even though ed is like ?? if he was going to surely he would have already? and meanwhile stede is realizing he's maybe been very biased about this and actually izzy isn't a bad guy and maybe he's the bad guy here actually (because of course he can't conceive of ed being the bad guy, and he CERTAINLY cannot conceive of their being no bad guy and/or they're all bad guys and/or they're all good guys and sometimes good guys can do really bad shit to each other).

anyway so meanwhile, ed's new music on stede's label has been not exactly shitty because the music is reasonably interesting in sound but the lyrics are really boring and trite and ed's heart just clearly isn't really in it and he's like careening toward pop easy listening, which not to be a music elitist or anything i do like pop easy listening, but it is kind of a downfall from the progressive industrial he was making with izzy (and fang and ivan) in the pre-stede band. and like he does want to be making pop he wants that bouncy bubblegum flavor, but he can't bear to be genuine with it and reveal himself in any way and it shows. his fans are mostly people who love the idea of what he's trying to do more than what he's actually giving. (and also he knows that and pretends he's into it, that his name and his whole vibe is Enough, but also he resents those fans for not holding him to real standards and he hates himself - i mean for a whole host of reasons, but also for not meeting the potential of his vision out of, lbr, cowardice).

anyway so the suit goes thru, ed wins the rights to all their old music and also a lump sum for defamation, and technically he sued izzy's new band as a whole for this but izzy pays the damages entirely himself. and like to be fair he's rich af from the old band even tho now he doesn't have royalties from the hard work he put in anymore, so like he's not bankrupted by this but he is cut down from who-gives-a-fuck to having a monthly budget, and it also breaks up the new band mostly just because he's like i'm a clear financial liability (even tho there's really nothing else left to take legally speaking) and if you keep me on your lineup you're going to literally get murdered and die, and so he's back anonymously writing backing music for solo vocalists where he gets very little creative freedom and no credit and he hates it but he hates it less than a 9 to 5 so it is what it is. but jim and everybody still tries to hang out with him as friends and they mess around a little in the garage because they like him and they miss him and they want him to be okay and to be around him and play with him. and they leave their shit behind in his garage because none of them have really Made It yet and he's the only one with a garage to leave it in.

and so then stede has his whole crisis because he broke up ed and izzy's relationship and their band and he seduced ed to his fucking vanity label and ed's new music sucks and he thinks that's his fault and now ed and izzy aren't even friends and the wikipedia page is a blood bath and ed doesn't even know technically stede is only separated from mary not divorced and it's only a matter of time before he finds out and is he really just having a midlife crisis like everyone says? and he hurt all these people in the process? exactly like the worthless no-talent rich asshole that makes his problems everyone else's problems that izzy (among Many Others) said he was? so he cuts and runs and dismantles the label and disappears into the night inasmuch as a modern day stunt music producer can and goes back to mary and the kids and she lets him stay even tho they are legally separated and she's within her rights to kick him out, and this gets on the news cycle of course. and stede didn't leave a note or anything, so once again ed only has whatever rumors are going around to go on for why this happened.

so obviously he goes nuts. he blew up his whole life for stede and because stede made him believe he could switch genres if he wanted to and he could be good at it even though it's so different from what's expected from him with his tattoos and his piercings and his leather daddy vibes and his weird anti-vocals that simply Don't Fit the pop scene, and then he did bad and everyone hates him (not true, but it's ed) and izzy hates him (again, not true) and he absolutely thinks that destroying izzy's career and taking his music away is Worse than beating him up and cheating on him (izzy does not agree; but to be fair what he thinks the Worst ed did to him is not hitting him, not being unfaithful, and not taking away his work - all of those izzy thinks he at least is in part responsible for himself, no, what he thinks is the Worst ed ever did to him is simply. to break his heart. that's worse than anything else). anyway so ed is back on his Since You Are So Convinced That I Am Your[ Monster] I Will Be It shit, if you can really say he ever got off it in the first place (debatable).

so he turns up drunk at izzy's house and they fucking get back together. and then ed pressures izzy into inviting now-jim's band over to play and he'll watch, and he nitpicks at absolutely everything and tears them the fuck apart. but also he's still drunk and like kind of visibly crying and being pathetic even while he's being incredibly mean to them, and also he's a fucking legend surely he can't just be talking? right? some of this has to be good advice? so they keep coming back and playing in izzy's garage and getting torn down by ed. and izzy keeps trying to defend them, and ed just completely fucking ignores him, until they leave and then he's all over izzy and izzy tries to pretend to himself that this is good and it's what he wants and he wanted ed back he wanted stede gone he just wanted to be with ed this is what he wants. this is good. but they're both even more miserable than they were immediately pre-stede, and eventually izzy has to admit to himself he's actually more miserable than he was when ed was actively cheating on him which is fucked isn't it. so he tries to gently bring this up with ed - er... as 'gently' as izzy hands can fucking do anything - and ask if ed really wants to make this work or if he's just torturing them, tells him that he still loves him, the whole deal, and ed throws something at him and threatens that if he doesn't shut up he'll beat him up again, and izzy takes that as a non-answer instead of the very clear answer that it is because he's the second messiest bitch alive. and he goes to bed with ed and lets him do whatever he wants and ed cries on him and it sucks so fucking bad. and then in the morning ed is pissed as fuck that izzy didn't break up with him and condemn him and beat him up and sue and kill him or whatever, so he goes into the garage while izzy is in his dinky little second-bedroom studio recording some stupid background track he doesn't care about and he goes absolutely psycho ham and he destroys jim's and everyone's equipment to smithereens.

and izzy calls fang because he doesn't know what else to do but obviously he's not going to call the cops on the love of his life, you know, so fang shows up with ivan and ed gets a good wallop on ivan and gives him a concussion, and maybe a broken piece of equipment gets horrifically embedded in izzy's leg, but the three of them manage to get ed out of the garage and out of the house and fang gets him in one of those suffocating headlocks until he's on the verge of passing out which is basically "calmed down" or the closest to it you can get in this situation and then points him in a direction and tells him to fuck off (and then later they try to keep it quiet what exactly happened, even tho like..... what excuse can you make lol?), but not before all of jim's and everyone's instrumence and stuff is fucking trashed. and izzy has never felt more guilty for anything in his fucking life. he's certain that he's going to be tackled and killed (and he'll deserve it, just like he deserved everything else). but! this is finally the last straw for him and he tells ed - over email aslkks - that they're done For Real This Time.

izzy tries to pay the gang back for their shit but they won't take his money, but then that also means they're pretty much shit out of luck at least for a while because they're all like baristas and bartenders and shit and they can't just drop thousands on new equipment whenever they want. no more band. except they still have whatever shit izzy had in that bedroom studio and whatever shit they weren't using and was at their own houses, like frenchie's actual fucking lute. and izzy tries to give them his recording stuff, and he had an acoustic and an electric guitar up there too, and they're like okay fine but actually sike we're going to use your recording room too and since it's your room you have to be there and we don't have a guitar player anyway so there. so they start making music together again and it's fucking weird ass genre-bending shit because izzy still prefers to write in a very prog-industrial style, and jim still sings like a punk, but frenchie's on lute now instead of bass so like ?? hm. and they're well and truly a garage band now just fucking doing whatever they can do with what they've got and putting it up on soundcloud or whatever the fuck, no label, pay what you want, etc. but they're sensational again like izzy's instagram covers were because everyone's like what in the god damn fuck even is this and why does it legitimately fuck.

meanwhile, ed goes on his hermit journey of the soul or whatever, and comes out somewhat better on the other side, and he tries to re-start up the old band with fang and ivan but they're not interested, so he has to go on another hermit journey of the soul and come out a little bit more better on the other side of that one, and he decides okay you know what fuck it i'll start my OWN label. like i said he's a god damn legend so even with all the crazy shit about him being kind of legit dangerous and like beating up his partner and destroying all their shit, he still has reputation capital, and he manages to get some pretty sweet producers like spanish jackie to join up with him and get it together. he even pulls bonny and read out of retirement.

and like... he doesn't hate it. he feels like he's really making a difference, and tbh he does actually love going out to open mics and shit to find talent that's his favorite part. he loves meeting new people with new sounds and actually helping them flourish and do what they really want, and his label is wildly diverse because of it. he's doing really good work in more than one way. but it's not what he wanted. he wants to make pop music. he wants to be a popstar with an industrial rock background who has tattoos and piercings and wears leather and is an anti-vocalist. and he fucking wants to be loved for it. he knows he's doing good and he genuinely sees the value in it, but he fucking wants it for himself. not that he didn't get it with the old band doing the old thing, but still... he's so jealous of the new guard doing al this cool weird shit and getting celebrated for it when he didn't get to. but the workload of being head producer on this label is too much for him to be doing other shit too, and his hermit journey of the soul actually really did do him a lot of good (as well as, uh, his therapist lol) so even tho he frequently gets the urge he doesn't abandon everyone and try to do his own thing willy nilly. agonies.

until of course eventually stede makes his way all the way through his own journey of the soul (distinctly not hermitic) and comes back onto the scene. he's finally full divorced from mary, and they split their assets pretty evenly too, although you know more thoughtfully than ed and izzy did lmao, so he's distinctly less rich now but he still has all that rich guy investment know how or whatever, and he still wants to make music (he wanted to be a musician and he's like got a higher education in it and shit, but he just cannot fucking carry a tune tragically). anyway, so he and ed make up and they decide to take the relationship slow, but they go full speed on business and ed signs over the label to stede to manage. and finally ed gets to go back to being a star, and this time he's actually doing what he fucking meant to do when he signed with stede's original label. he actually makes really good, genre boundary pushing pop music that is fun to listen to but also artistically interesting and made with authentic heart. and he becomes just as sensational for his musical creativity and emotionally poignant lyrics as izzy.

and then stede goes ever so slightly rogue, partially out of guilt but also partially because like... he really thinks they're legitimately a good fit, he starts trying to woo izzy's new-new band to sign with him.

#jack facts #i guess i gotta make a tag for this damn #ofmd #hc #getting in tune

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magodangretsus · 1 year

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More Alien Stage posting because I haven't seen my exact thoughts out there yet and we're all out here thinking and feeling things

So this part here. Obviously, Ivan is hurt, of course it hurts when he took such a major risk to run away with the person he loves - to save the person he loves from the painful life he has - only for it to amount to nothing. But I think this smile is still genuine.

Till is thrilled to be out under an open sky, free, safe - but he stops because he can't run away while the person he loves is still suffering. He can't escape without Mizi, leave her to the life he's so thrilled to escape - so he turns back, knowing that he will be returning to the restraints and the beatings, so he can be there for her. Defend her, like he did when he chased after the flower crown Sua gave her - the act Ivan saw, the act that inspired Ivan to free him in the first place.

Ivan is hurt that he and Till won't be together, that Till won't be safe - but I don't think he's angry. Not at Till, not at Mizi. Because Till turning back at this moment is just showing Ivan again exactly why he loves him - all he can do is love him more for it.

I've seen a lot of people pointing out how Ivan's expression changes here, but for me, the final, colder face was so blink-and-you-miss-it, his smile is truly what stuck with me. Even as Ivan thinks about this moment, thinks about Till and the rejection of what they could have had together, even while the thought of losing that destroys him - he can't help but think about how much he loves Till for being that person, can only love him more, and hurt all the more for it.

But that doesn't mean I'm forgetting the expression he ends on. It's here, we hold on it, we're meant to see it and take meaning from it.

A lot of people end the video thinking about how the Ivan vs Till round will go, and who will survive. At first, I believed Ivan would let Till win, because I don't think his hurt has killed his love for him.

But now I'm thinking, Ivan knows what kind of man Till is. He knows that if Till makes it to the finals against Mizi, the idea of endangering her life and the idea of the woman he loves sending him to his death would both destroy him.

So maybe Ivan, as a mercy to the man he loves, is preparing to spare him from that fate.

#long post #Alien Stage #alnst

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hassedah · 1 year

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hey, can you do ml boys in an argument with the mc? love you 💕

The boys argue with MC :

Hi! ^^

How are you? I hope you are well! ^^ Here are the headcanons you requested. I hope you like it!

Have a nice day and take care of yourself! ^^

Vladimir :

Vladimir is a touchy vampire with a tendency to take offence at little things and always wants to order others around like servants. He usually leaves you alone, but that's not really the case anymore since his garden was destroyed by the weather. In fact, he has become unpleasant to everyone and it's starting to become unbearable.

At first, you put up with it after all there is not a plant left standing in his garden and it will probably take him months to fix it. Everyone was very understanding with him, and no one got upset despite his terrible behaviour.

It wasn't easy every day though, Vladimir made a scandal because Ethan was in the small living room, argued with Aaron because he was talking too loudly, with Beliath because he was hanging around in the corridors, with Ivan because he hadn't put his toothbrush in the right place, and he even argued with Raphael over a misplaced book.

The cup overflowed when he found a way to argue with you when he found you reading in the library. What was wrong with him you had no idea, and you didn't want to know. He had been literally unbearable for a fortnight.

You made it clear to him how you felt about his appalling behaviour. In return, he accused you of not paying enough attention to him and of always defending others. The argument got worse and worse, and Vladimir was not gentle in what he said. In the end, you shouted at him that you would not continue the discussion until he apologised.

He locked himself in your room, slamming the door loudly behind him, and you went for a walk in the woods to try to calm down.

You stayed out for several hours before you finally managed to relax. Then you got home shortly before daybreak but instead of going up to your room to go to bed you decided to go to sleep in the pink room.

Vladimir slept very badly. He usually comes and snuggles up to you before bed to get his cuddle fix or to press his cold feet against yours. He is the little spoon in the bed and not to feel tight in your arms there deeply saddened. Moreover, without your presence to reassure him, he has nightmares.

However, he did not come to apologise the next day, nor the day after that. For your part, you don't sulk and you remain open to discussion, but it is out of the question that it is you who makes the first move, again. So, you wait for him to come to you and apologise.

It is after the fourth night that he finally decides to come and apologise to you.

"MC?"

You stop and turn towards Vladimir's voice. He is standing in the doorway of the bathroom; you can see his long loose hair hanging over his shoulder. His eyes do not look directly at you, staring instead at the floor at your feet.

"What's wrong?" you ask, hoping he'll finally apologise.

"Can you come and help me style my hair?"

You sigh annoyed that he still doesn't come to apologize, yet you decide not to point it out to him and walk with him into the bathroom.

He's sitting on the edge of the tub and you're standing right behind him. Styling his hair is something you usually do quite regularly. Vladimir's is very fine. It gets tangled easily and being quite cozy he tends to complain quickly when you untangle it, yet he doesn't make any comments tonight. The silence seems rather heavy, but you don't dare break it to speak, just like Vladimir.

It is only after several minutes that a slight sniffle attracts your attention. You bend down to meet his gaze, but you can't see it because it is hidden behind his hair.

"Vladimir?"

He doesn't answer you immediately, but you can see him wiping his eyes.

"Vladimir, is something wrong? You can't hide the concern in your voice, but he shakes his head.

"I'm fine..."

You sigh and put the brush on the sink before crouching down and taking her hands in yours.

"I can see that's not the case, sweetheart."

You watch his face a little more carefully, observing for the first time the large dark circles under his eyes, he doesn't dare look at you. Vladimir stares at the bathroom tiles, trying not to cry. There are so many things he would like to say, but he feels as if the words are stuck in his throat, and above all he is afraid, afraid that you will end up leaving, that you will abandon him, and this idea makes him want to cry even more.

"I can't help you if you never tell me what's wrong," you say after a while.

"I..." he tries to look up at you for a moment before lowering his eyes again. "I'm sorry... for the last time."

You smile, you didn't ask for more than that. You kiss her hand gently.

"I'm glad you apologised. I understood why you were in such a bad mood. But, you know, there are many other ways to express your sadness that don't involve yelling at us all night. You say softly, seeking his gaze. We'd probably understand you better."

"I never do things right..." Vladimir replied in a whisper.

"That's not what I meant. First of all, you don't have to hide behind your hair to cry," you joke, pushing aside one of his locks.

He smiles sadly at you before continuing.

"I'm sorry. I... I know I was unbearable, and I should have come to apologise earlier but... I was afraid you wouldn't want me anymore."

"Don't want you anymore?! My darling, I need a thousand times more. I still love you whether you're happy or sad, whether you grumble at everyone or laugh."

His smile widens, he squeezes your hands, and you can see his eyes shine. His words are the most precious of all treasures to him. You hold him gently and he buries his face in your neck to snuggle against your skin.

"I love you," he whispers softly.

Béliath :

It's no secret in the manor that Beliath and Ethan tend to feed each other's bullshit and stupid ideas. It's not always easy to reason with them, getting the incubus or the doctor to understand that their stupidity could put them or others in danger is no easy task.

You argued about it. There's a big party a few towns over. A good excuse to go out and have some fun according to Beliath and Ethan, but this party is in the hunting territory of a clan of vampire hunters. So, no one agrees that they should go, and unfortunately for your incubus, you were much more on the side of Aaron and the others than you were on his.

An argument ensued after you took a stand. He accuses you of not knowing how to have fun, of being too serious. You only have one life after all! The argument went on for several minutes, then Beliath left for the Moondance and you stayed at the manor far too angry to accompany him tonight. Finally, you went to your room to read a book.

Even though you don't fight often, this argument doesn't really surprise you. For a few days now, Beliath has seemed to be under stress, It turns like a caged lion and making decisions that are a bit more rash than usual. You have tried to discuss this with him, but he has simply avoided the subject.

You thought that Beliath was going to spend the day at Moondance to calm down a bit. But he came home after two hours. He did not speak to you, however, and simply slumped down on the bed with his back to you. You did the same thing and stayed like that for a long time.

In fact, now that he has calmed down. Beliath understands your point of view better. And it's true that all this seems quite risky for one evening. In truth, he wants a change of scene, he spends his evenings at the Moondance or here, when he's not out shopping. He doesn't want to leave here, far from it. But he would love to do things a bit differently from time to time. And he feels like nobody but Ethan understands that.

You put your book down and watch him sulk. Finally, you smile. He don't often sulks, and despite the arguments you may have with each other, you never stay angry for long.

"How much longer are we going to pout?" you ask as the incubus grumbles from his side of the bed.

"I don't know... "

"So you don't love me anymore?" you tease him, leaning in to see his face.

"You are cruel to me..."

His exaggeratedly sulky tone makes you laugh and you play along.

"Me! Cruel. Really?"

"Yes... I'm sure everything would have gone very well..."

"Oh. You're not going to do it again," you scold gently.

He shrugs sulkily as he continues to ignore your face leaning right over his.

"I'm sorry I argued with you. I just don't want to lose my darling."

He sighs but Beliath finally turns to look at you.

"No, it is I who am sorry. I shouldn't have argued with you about something so stupid... I think I'm just a little bored here..."

You nod your head. If his desire to wander away from home is only due to the monotony of the manor, you can find solutions to fix it.

"We could do something else instead of going to your party, wouldn't you like to have a spa night?"

"No... I go every month," sighs Beliath.

"And would you like something new?"

"I don't know... something fun."

"But what would be fun?"

He sighs before shrugging. "I don't know... something a little out of the ordinary."

"You're not helping me much." You laugh.

Nevertheless, you start to think. It's been some time now since you've been out together. Last time you went to the sea, of course you could only go out at night, but you have very good memories of your walks by the water.

However, Beliath wants a change. You smile and your incubus tilts its head slightly as it watches you.

"Have you ever been skiing?"

“Um... No... snowboarding once with Ethan, a long time ago...”

“How would you like it if I rented us a chalet in the mountains for, say, two weeks, just the two of us as lovers. We could go swimming in hot springs, skiing, snowshoeing in the forest.”

“Go on, you interest me.“

“Evenings by the fire watching romantic soap operas while eating chocolate. Listening to all the music you want without being disturbed by Vladimir or Raphael. Falling asleep against each other without being woken by Aaron's snoring.”

“To be able to spend hours in the bathroom without Vladimir turning off the hot water.“

“Or knocking on the door because we're making too much noise.”

Beliath finally laughs before kissing you.

“I like your idea very much.”

“That's the point! I don't like to see you stressed out. So, if spending a little time, just the two of us, can make you feel better, I won't hesitate.”

The incubus' smile has grown wider. It's quite nice to see that you're taking her emotions and feelings into account to find solutions to its problems. It's not something he's ever looked for in a partner, in fact, he didn't know he needed it until he met you.

“I am so lucky to have you with me. I love you, MC.”

Ivan :

Ivan often does as he pleases and is quite impulsive. However, you don't often argue. In fact, he argues more with the other members of the manor than with you. This has never stopped you from having disagreements. But it gets sorted out quite quickly. He also doesn't hold grudges and he likes having you around too much to stay angry for long.

Most of the time right now, it's about Ethan that you're arguing. The doctor has calmed down a lot since Ivan almost died. But this is not the case with your vampire, who only throws fuel on the fire and rekindles tensions between them at the slightest opportunity.

You've tried to tell him many times to stop it. After all, it's not pleasant for anyone at the manor that the two youngest are constantly engaged in open warfare. This time Ivan went too far in his criticism and reproach of the doctor. And you pointed this out to him, of course Ivan didn't take it well, so a long argument ensued between the two of you and finally Ivan went to lock himself up in the attic to sulk and leave you stranded in the living room.

You felt really angry, especially as your reproaches did not seem abusive. After all, Ethan didn't throw Ivan into Constance's arms and he didn't poison him either. Ivan made many of the decisions that led him to this situation on his own, despite your advice and common sense. It is not even the fact of having wanted to renew ties with Constance and Loïc that you reproach him with, after all you understand that it can be difficult to be brutally cut off from those you know, but rather his lack of prudence with regard to this situation.

Tired from the argument, you fall back on the sofa, massaging your temples in an attempt to calm down. Ivan, on the other hand, is still brooding in the attic. He's heard the same reproaches over and over again and he's realised that he made a mistake. But how could he have known that his ex would try to kill him? Sure, he wasn't careful and he's willing to admit that he put everyone in danger, but he had no idea that such a danger hung over them in the first place.

Ivan sighs and mumbles before kicking angrily at a pile of dust. He doesn't like being asked to be nicer to Ethan either. Who asked Ethan to be nicer to him? Well, everyone at least once, but Ethan didn't do it and nobody blames him! And he's the one who should calm down and stop with his antics! No, there's no question of that, Ethan hasn't even really apologized for his behavior while he's been spending an inordinate amount of time martyring him.

Ivan calms down after a long hour of brooding and since you didn't come to see him, he decides to come downstairs. You have already gone back to your room to get ready for bed. You have calmed down a bit too, enough to convince yourself to try to deal with this problem in a different way and so you smile softly when Ivan enters the room, even if he was still feeling a little bit angry, this disappears completely when he sees your smile.

"I'm sorry I argued with you, sweetheart," you begin.

You don't have time to continue when Ivan replies.

"I'm sorry too. It's Ethan I'm mad at, not you. I shouldn't have gotten mad either..."

You smile more sincerely, you never stay mad at each other for very long. Ivan moves closer to you again to kiss you on the cheek and you stay in each other's arms for a while, which finally calms you both down. Finally, after a silence, you whisper.

"It's the tension in the manor that stresses me out a lot and it would make me happy if you got on well with everyone.... I would like you to be happy."

He remains silent for a moment as he continues to breathe in your scent on your neck. He would have a lot to say about this, but he is searching for the right words to express what he feels. Finally after a long moment of silence, he begins.

"Ethan spent all his time harassing me. He was never nice to me and was always looking for an excuse to kick me out, even knowing full well that I would never have survived out there alone and would certainly have gone on a rampage among the humans."

You listen softly as you stroke his hair, he stops for a moment to let you speak, but as you say nothing he continues.

"I don't want to forgive him like that! He didn't do anything to make me do it, he didn't even apologize once! I know everyone expects me to act like an 'adult', but... Ethan made me feel so alone... no one really stood up for me and... he spent all his time putting me down criticizing me despite my best efforts, sometimes I felt like I was worthless... that I'd always be a burden to others... that I'd never be any good... that I was just an idiot... a shit. I... I didn't want to put anyone in danger... I just wanted to get back to people I had loved and cared about and... in the end they tried to kill me... It's not fair"

His already choppy voice breaks at the end of the sentence and you feel a few tears fall down your neck. You hug him tighter, rocking him gently. Suddenly you understand Ivan's reactions to Ethan much better.

"I'm sorry, Ivan," you whisper. "I had no idea it was this bad."

Ivan continued to cry and you finally lay down against each other and continued to listen to him. It took a long time before he finally managed to calm down and you remained in silence, sometimes kissing his forehead and stroking his hair. Finally, just as he seemed to be about to fall asleep, he looked up at you.

"You won't abandon me, will you? You don't think I'm a failure?"

"I wouldn't abandon you, and I never thought you were a failure, my darling."

Ivan sighs with relief and before his eyes close he gently places a kiss on your cheek before murmuring.

"I love you, I'm happy to have you here."

Aaron :

Aaron is a rather calm person despite his impulsiveness. You rarely argue, almost never, so to speak. It's not in his character and he doesn't like it when you are angry with him, and the opposite is also true, to be honest. However, there is one thing that annoys you about him, namely his ability to jump straight into danger. You don't want to blame him directly, after all, Aaron is the best person to defend the manor, but the fear you feel for him in that moment would make you sick.

This is precisely what you argued about. He had taken a lot of risks in the last few days and you reproached him for it. It must be said that he had once again come back covered in blood and if you refrained from shouting at him while he was recovering you could not keep your calm any longer when he left the bedroom where he was supposed to be resting to go for a walk in the forest.

The tone rose when he came home, he reproached you for smothering him, that you were worrying about nothing, that he needed space. You criticized him for not understanding your reproaches, for not paying enough attention to his health, for constantly worrying. Finally, Aaron left to go and calm down in the garden and you locked yourself in the bedroom and slammed the door.

Since you almost lost him to Farah and his cursed wolf pack, your fear of his death has increased greatly. You've started to have nightmares about it at night and nothing upsets you more than Aaron's apparent detachment from it. He could have died after all, all because of that witch who came to get him to sort out her own affairs! You sigh, trying to calm yourself down. You didn't want to smother him with your concern, only him to realise that he matters to you.

Aaron, for his part, walks around the garden, restraining himself from taking out his anger on the tulips. Your reproaches seem unfair to him. Defending the other members of the manor has always seemed natural to him, especially since some of them are clearly not able to defend themselves. And now he has even more reason to defend the manor, you are part of it after all. The fight with Garrett left a deep impression on him, he thought he was going to lose you that night and he would never have forgiven himself if he had.

After a long time on your own, Aaron decides to return to the room to see you. He felt much calmer and ready to talk to you. However, he didn't really know what he wanted to say to you, let alone how to approach the discussion without you arguing again. He entered the room with as little noise as possible.

"MC?" he whispered softly not knowing if you were already asleep or just lying on the bed, at the sound of his voice you immediately sat up. You didn't want to go down to the garden to give him time to calm down, but you were beginning to find his absence long.

"You're back! I'm sorry I argued with you Aaron." you say without giving him time to speak.

"I'm sorry too."

Aaron comes and sits next to you on the bed, you take a moment to observe him. The wounds received a few days before seem to have almost disappeared.

There is a long moment of silence between you. Aaron is looking for a way to tell you frankly what he thinks without it leading to another argument. On your side, you want to give him some time to talk but after several minutes you end up sighing.

"I didn't want you to feel smothered by my concern for you..."

"I know, I overreacted. But you have to understand MC. I have to protect you, I'll never forgive myself if anything happens to you. I've been thinking about it ever since the fight with Garrett, I put you in danger without even meaning to and I thought I was going to lose you that night!"

"But I was scared too! you exclaim. I've never been so scared in my life, but it wasn't for me that I was scared, it was for you. I would never forgive myself if you died because of me.”

"What do you think? That I don't think about it every day! I think about it every time you leave the manor, I wonder if you'll come back and in what state. The nights of full moons are the worst, I'm afraid you'll run into one of Garrett's allies and you won't come back..."

“MC...”

"I'm sorry. I don't want to fight with you again...," you interrupted, noticing that you had started to get angry again. I'm really scared... that's all.... That night was hell.“

Aaron takes yours hand in his. The gentle pressure stops them from shaking with emotion.

"I'm sorry... I didn't realise you were so worried about me. I'm so used to taking risks for others that I don't think about it."

"Aaron, I love you. Of course I concern about you. I don't want you to get hurt, even to protect me."

"I love you too MC. I can't promise you I won't take any more risks, but I'll try to take less."

Raphaël :

Getting into an argument with Raphael is a feat and not something that happens to you very often. He is not aggressive and does not like to be shouted at. However, all is not always well and sometimes Raphael can be annoying, especially when it comes to Margarita. If in general, you don't really mind hearing about your partner's ex, this is not always the case, especially when he's on a loop on the subject like a broken record.

That evening, you were not really in a good mood, and it was rather bad timing because Raphaël was in a bad mood too. It never makes him aggressive to be in a bad mood, he's just even more sullen than usual and he talks to you about her even more. You clearly didn't feel up to listening to him tonight, despite your good will, you would have preferred him to listen to you this time. So you made the remark, probably more curtly than necessary.

This vexed your vampire a little, as he continued to talk about Margarita, complaining that you weren't listening to him. You made yourself heard more harshly, banging on the desk in anger. You too have problems and you too would like to have a listening ear from time to time, without him coming back to tell you about his ex every other night!

Your anger startled him, but he continued to insist. You don't listen to him and he feels hurt by your reaction. You continue to get angry, seeing more of an intention to make you feel guilty in his words than an attempt to calm the tension.

Finally, Raphael hurriedly locked himself in your room while you fell into the armchair in the library. Despite your anger you quickly calm down. You are not jealous of Margarita, it would make no sense to be jealous of a dead woman, it is only the fact of constantly hearing about her that gets on your nerves.

You grunt and sigh, running a hand over your face. What you said is still true, you don't feel that you are being listened to enough. Especially at the moment, there's a lot to do in the manor since the electricity generator broke down, and the other boys aren't much help, you feel like you're working alone and you don't have a minute to yourself.

For his part, Raphael has locked himself in the bedroom. He is much more sad than angry at having argued with you and he falls into bed with a strong urge to cry himself to sleep.

However, if he manages to cry, he can't sleep, the words of your fight are running through his head. He admits it, he is sometimes annoying when it comes to Margarita, but he is not trying to compare you to her, he just needs to talk, he can't control it. He needs to say what he felt, what he liked to do with her and to talk about her death, over and over again. It's the only thing that helps him accept it at the moment.

It takes him a while to calm down and he feels a bit guilty and he feels a little guilty now. He doesn't know what he could tell you to make it up to you. So he stays in your bed and plays with the blanket between his fingers.

Eventually you decide to go back to your room after an hour. You are much quieter than when you were fighting. You don't know what to expect when you go back to the room. The few times you have been in this situation, you have found Raphaël either asleep or still crying his eyes out.

When you enter the room you see him lying on the bed, you approach him slowly not wanting to wake him up in case he has fallen asleep. But he finally sits up and turns to you.

“MC, it’s you ?”

"Yes, it's me.”

You don't have time to sit down next to him when Raphael is already speaking again.

"MC, I'm really sorry. Please forgive me. I'll stop talking about Margarita if that's what you want."

You shake your head, it seems impossible and Raphael doesn't believe he can really do it anyway.

"No. I'm sorry, Raphael," you say softly. I got upset because I'm very tired tonight, I didn't mean to get angry with you and you can talk to me about her as much as you like."

"No, I am the one who is sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you with my problems. I hurt you by talking about Margarita too often. I didn't want to make you unhappy."

"It's true that you talk about her a lot. But don't talk nonsense, it's normal to talk about our problems.

"I've come to bother you with my rantings when you need me... That's not how I should behave. I will make an effort, I promise. You won't hear from Margarita again."

"Raphael, you sigh. I don't want you to stop talking about her. I want you to listen to me a little more. You could start now by trying to understand what I'm getting at, couldn't you?"

"I..., Raphael bows his head, I'm sorry"

"I think tonight was just a bad night and we were both pissed off. It's okay and it will probably be much better tomorrow."

"Tomorrow I'll only look after you. We can go and talk in the garden, read in the library or go for a walk in the forest if you like."

"I would love to," you smile.

Raphael smiles in turn before leaning in to kiss your cheek.

"I love you MC. "

Ethan :

Ethan has a bad temper. He tends to be easily offended and his relationships with others are rather complicated most of the time, especially when it comes to Ivan or Vladimir.

Sometimes, you can't understand what makes him angry. He usually starts complaining about one thing or another and finally explodes all at once. Once he has calmed down, he locks himself in his room and slams the door or goes out into town to sulk.

He doesn't get as angry with you as he does with others. And most of the time, he'll just come to you and complain about others with a lot of yelling and angry grunting before throwing a pillow against the wall (you've forbidden him to throw anything that could hurt someone for a long time).

Tonight you had a fight. You knew it was coming, actually. Ethan seemed more upset than usual in recent days. He'd even had a fight with Beliath, which is rare enough to be noted. So you weren't surprised when he started to get angry after you asked him to speak more politely to Raphael.

He reproached you for meddling in his affairs, then for always taking the side of others and never his own. You tried to reason with him by reminding him of the many times you had defended him against others, but he did not listen to you for a moment.

Finally, he left you in the living room and went to his room, slamming the door loudly behind him, as if to make sure that the whole manor was aware of his anger.

Once in his room, he kicks his dresser, causing some chess pieces to fall. He doesn't stop to pick them up though and continues to rant. To be honest, he doesn't really know why he's so angry tonight. Everything annoys him, Vladimir's rules, Ivan's stupidity, Raphael's kindness. He feels like he could implode at any moment.

Besides, he doesn't feel at all like he's been more unpleasant than usual and if he doesn't shake Raphael sometimes who will? Listening to him he lives in a world full of unicorns and rainbows. It's totally irresponsible of others to never try to bring him down to earth.

On your side, You try to read in the living room, but your mind keeps returning to the argument you just had, preventing you from concentrating on the pages in front of you. You're still struggling to understand what could have upset your vampire so much tonight, but you know him well enough to know that there's no point in insisting when he goes to lock himself in the bedroom.

After waiting for an hour trying to read you sigh. Now that you don't hear any more raging kicks in the walls you are sure that he has calmed down.

Your steps lead you to your room where Ethan has locked himself in. When you knock you hear him mumble at first, but he opens the door immediately. Your vampire seems much calmer as he lets you in, though he still has a slight annoyed pout on his face.

"Still angry?" you ask.

"No... sorry. I got carried away for nothing."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know. You must have some reason why you got so upset, right?"

Ethan shrugs before sighing.

"No, I don't know why."

"Do you really think I stand up for others more often than you do?"

“No...I said anything... I’m sorry”

“It makes me feel better to know that," you say, smiling gently. Don't think I like others more than you, it just doesn't seem possible.”

Ethan smiled at his turn, this small statement was enough to take away all the tension he was still keeping on his shoulders. You settle down on the bed against each other. He rests his head against you, certain that he will fall asleep quickly now that the sound of your breathing is lulling him to sleep.

"Would you like to go for a romantic week?

"And where would you like to go?" he asks.

"I don't know."

The discussion stops there for a moment Ethan continues to play with one of your hair strands and you think you're going to fall asleep when he speaks again.

"It's been a while since I've been skiing...

"It'll be snowing soon, we can go skiing near the manor if you want."

"Yes... well, I was saying that about your idea of a week together.“

“You'd like me to rent us a chalet in the mountains," you smile. That's not a bad idea.

"It'll be nicer than being forced to put up with everyone here." Ethan yawns.

"I'll deal with it tomorrow then," you reply, fighting off sleep.

He mumbles in reply but before you fall asleep you hear him whispering.

"I love you MC."

Neil :

You almost never argue. You have to admit that Neil is not very temperamental and even rather easy to live with once you are in a relationship with him. The vast majority of the time, he tries to please you or to ease the tensions that there could be between you. Your arguments are so rare that you don't really know how to react when this is the case and you also try to ease the tensions.

Unfortunately, even if you get along very well, you sometimes disagree and Neil can be hurtful in such cases.

That night was one of those rare times when you argued. A group of vampires had just established themselves near your hunting territory. You felt rather suspicious of them, more than Neil anyway. There was a young vampire among them and you had no desire to be forced to leave because this young idiot would have stirred up a group of hunters. You wanted to flee them away before the worst happened.

Neil was not of this opinion. In his opinion, there would always be time to advise in due course and as long as none of the vampires came to disturb him during one of his hunts he had no problem with staying in the territory.

You argued for a while, until Neil compared you to your parents. You opened your mouth to retort but it was a low blow, comparing you to your mother in a negative way knowing all the contempt and hatred he has for her, you breathed in trying to hold back your anger then got up from the chair you had been sitting in.

"Very well. You'll excuse me, Neil. But I'd rather stop the discussion here, because I don't want to say things I don't mean in anger."

You then left the room without looking back and locked yourself in your room in the hope of calming down.

Neil remained silent for a long time after you left the room, stunned by the way the discussion, or rather the argument, had ended. In all honesty, he had rather expected you to get angry and insult him too.

After two long hours. You're still brooding as you turn the pages of the book you're not really reading. The subject of your parents is a sensitive one for you as much as for him, you still can't fully realize what they did and Even if Neil pretends nothing is wrong, you know him well enough to know that he can't stand hearing about them.

You already work hard every night to erase any similarities you might have with your parents. You don't see what more you can do.

For his part, Neil sincerely thought that it was up to you to apologize. After all, you didn't want to understand that he was right. So he sat down in the living room, crossing his arms in an arrogant and angry way. But when you didn't come back, he started replaying your argument in his head.

After a moment, he sighs, thankful to himself that the comparison with your parents was probably not the most sympathetic. He sees all the efforts you are making not to be like them and he is quite happy about it actually. Your parents are still a recurring nightmare after all.

Finally, he finds you in the bedroom two hours later. You are reading but you can't concentrate on the pages, you are still too caught up in the previous argument to do so.

“MC?”

If this is anything other than an apology, you can go back to where you came from," you reply curtly. I'm still too angry with you to argue..."

"I'm sorry."

You look up from the book suddenly to observe him in amazement. You had expected to have to fight a bit more before you got an apology from him.

"I should never have said that to you... You don't look like them."

I hope so!" you exclaim. I have no desire to be like them.”

Neil comes and sits next to you while you close your book.

"Seriously, compare me to them?”

"I know. I told you I was sorry."

You sigh, his apology so surprising that you almost don't feel angry anymore. Finally, you roll your eyes.

"Okay, it's not a big deal I guess. We were fighting, these things happen."

"Despite everything, I still think I'm right. We can't hunt every vampire who crosses our path."

"Neil. Let's leave his invaders for now, shall we? I don't feel like arguing again."

He smiles and you respond with a pout before you smile back.

"I wish I could stay mad at you, but you're not making it easy, you know?”

"I don't like it when we argue," he replies simply. "Would you like me to do something to make it up to you?"

“I don't know... it's been a long time since you organised a little party. I really liked the one you gave me at the manor..."

“If that's all it is. I'll see what I can do.“

"It's perfect! I'll pretend it's a surprise then."

You lean towards him at the end of your sentence to kiss him.

"I love you," you say.

“Me too”

#moonlight lovers #moonlight lovers vladimir #moonlight lovers beliath #moonlight lovers ivan #moonlight lovers aaron #moonlight lovers ethan #moonlight lovers neil

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