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#its the rule of the jungle baby
paint-it-dead · 8 months
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this is completly self indulgent and fucking random but i HAVE to vent
this was one of my favourite few months fandon wise istg
first i experienced dazai osamu- THE Mr. Bungou Stray Dogs himself die on the anniversary of Bakugou Katsuki's death. Both of these occurencies very fucking hilarious to me for different reasons but needless to say i celebrated both(dazai's more, REST IN PISS BOZO) nevertheless
then i read a post here on the site of the tumblr that apparently griffith berserk has managed to live this long(over 30 human yrs) cus he "allegedly" survives by stealing the life force of other white haired anime boys. i found this hilarious and jokingly prayed to him that if that WAS the case then 'Please o please o please o great griffith i'll take any penalty just fucking kill Gojo Satoru i cant stand his fake ass' and GUESS WHAT
GOJO SATORU DIES WITHIN THE FUCKING WEEK OF ME SAYING THAT
but on that same day fucking DAZAI comes back from the dead.
so griffith did what he had to do to rid us of the annoying white haired twink but said brunettes r not his type.
what a wild ride.
i wish my life made as much sense as this lmao
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starry-bi-sky · 5 months
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Clone^2 Damian
If you really think about, Damian's situation in the clone^2 au is... kinda tragic? Especially in the early months of his arrival. Like,,, think about it. Damian has always known he was a clone of Damian Wayne, that he was a copy of the blood son. There was nothing 'original' about him, not even his name (of which at least Danny has that). He was just... a replacement. A disposable one, to boot.
And he knew that, to an extent, by the time he was six years old. he might not have been actively acknowledging it -- he's six years old -- but deep down he knew. And like, he's six years old. Every small child craves the love and affection of an adult, especially their parents, and even though he knew he was clone, I imagine he still considered - and still does consider, somewhat - Talia and Bruce as his mother and father. And I really doubt he was... getting it?
Now, I know Talia loves Damian, her son. At least in some interpretations she does, and in this au she does. But... a clone of her son? I'm not so certain if she would have the same affection for baby Dames as she would for Damian. I don't think she would treat him badly, but I don't think Talia would treat him warmly either. Kinda just, distant. Colder than she would have been with OG Damian.
And, I know I've mentioned Damian's arrival from Danny's point of view, and its kind of comical kind of insane from his perspective -- a little boy clone of Damian Wayne falls through a portal and immediately attacks him. That sounds like a bad joke.
But, if you think of this from Damian's point of view? It's like he just got dropped into a scary movie. Like, think about it. You're six years old, and suddenly a portal, as green and as swirling as your grandfather's pools, opens up beneath your feet and sucks you through.
After an intense bout of vertigo, you end up in a massive, urban city -- completely different from the rural mountain palace that you lived in for the last six years of your life, and in this city, you don't know any of the language. You don't know what anyone is saying, you can't read any of the signs - you are completely stranded, away from home.
And then, to make things worse, you're facing a figure with a terrifying mask and eyes as burning green as the portal you fell through. Of course Damian's first instinct, six years old, is to attack. He's terrified.
And this figure, he's not a good fighter, but he's fast, and he dodges you quickly. He grabs your sword with his hands, and tries to restrain you, saying something in a language you don't know. Naturally, Damian is just scared. He's six! He'd just be learning how to read if he was normal child going to school.
This figure halfway through the fight yanks off his mask -- he realizes you're scared -- and looking at you now, is a youthful version of your father. This is a clone of your dad, someone you have never met but, six years old, still wants to. Damian gets defensive. This is an imposter.
But this imposter eventually gets you home with him - and he's using his little box, his phone, to communicate with you through a mechanical voice speaking in arabic. and it's frustrating. The boy, the imposter, can say whatever to you just fine, but trying to talk back is a hassle and a half. He's six, he doesn't have that much patience.
He wants to go home.
And so he keeps trying to run away. He keeps trying to find out of this hellish concrete jungle, and he keeps getting lost. It's loud, and busy, and there are people talking to you and you don't understand them, and there are rules and signs you don't understand - Damian tries to cross the street and nearly gets hit by a car. He doesn't know how the road signs work, he was never taught. They didn't get to that.
And he gets lost. And it gets dark, and Damian is brave, but he is six, and this is the worst stress he's been under in all his six years of life. He wants, desperately more than anything, to go home. Why wouldn't he? The only stable... semi-stable environment he was in just got ripped out from under his feet, literally! He wants his mother.
And it's not happening.
But there's something good to be said, at least. The imposter that looks like his father always comes and finds him, no matter what. He could have left that morning, and he will find Damian at midnight, frazzled and worried, and carrying an extra jacket with him because it is cold in Amity Park and Damian is six years old.
And sometimes Damian attacks him - he's scared and stressed and he doesn't want to be here. And every time he catches the sword. Even though Damian can see it cut into his hand and pearls of blood well up and stains his fingers. Even though Damian can see him wince in pain and bite his lip, he still catches it.
But with that little box, he coaxes Damian to come back with him. It's cold, it's dark, Amity Park is unsafe at night. They can figure something out tomorrow, please. And every time, he agrees, reluctantly. And the imposter takes the extra jacket he brought with -- a flannel, a hoodie, a jacket -- and he wraps it around him. It's warm, Damian's clothes are not that thick, and even though he thinks he might hate this imposter, he still sticks close to his legs as he leads him down the street.
And sometimes the imposter carries him, because Damian's shoes are not that thick, and he cuts his foot on broken glass while they're walking home. The imposter sits in the bathroom with him and carefully cleans the cut out, and makes sure it doesn't get infected.
There's hope you know, he still has it. His mother will be looking for him. She'll be worried. He's important to them. Damian may not be the original, but he is still a blood son. He is still her son. She will come find him. This nightmare will end soon. He can go home.
And then weeks pass, and nothing. Then months, and nothing. His family is not coming for him, and it hurts. Hurts more than anything. And yet while that happens, the boy he's attacked, and hurt, teaches himself arabic in order to speak to him. He takes Damian out of the house one afternoon and buys him new clothes, or tries to. And then he keeps buying him new clothes. He gives him blankets and gives up his bed to him until they can get him one himself, and steadily he teaches Damian english.
This boy is kind. Kinder than Damian's ever experienced, and he doesn't know what to do with it. He's devastated by the fact that he is not as important to his family as his family is to him. What do you do when you're six years old and you learn something like that? When a random stranger who looks like your father is kinder to you, and cares more about you than your family did?
And then Damian tells him he's a clone. He's Damian Wayne's clone, and he tells him his purpose - that their grandfather made him to kill him. And the boy, the imposter, Damian thinks he probably already knows that he's a clone. But he doesn't say that. He just nods, and asks him if he wants to tell his original about him.
Damian says no. He doesn't want to. He's tired of living in the shadow of his original. He wants to keep this to himself. This is his. For once, all of this is his.
And to his surprise, the imposter doesn't try and convince him otherwise. He just nods, and says okay. And when Damian asks why, the imposter - his brother - looks at him and says.
"I don't care about Damian Wayne. I care about you." And in Damian's gobsmacked silence, his brother continues. He tells him that if Damian doesn't want to tell his original that he exists, then they don't need to. They don't need to worry about the LoA going after him, because clearly if his 'grandfather' needs to make a clone of Damian in order to take him out, then whatever it was that Damian Wayne was doing to keep himself safe, was working.
"Wayne already has people in his corner, he's got Gotham's army of vigilantes to keep himself safe." his brother says with his eyes as blue as moonlight. "You, however. Do not." And he continues, and says that if Damian Wayne has the same training as Damian does, then he will be fine. He doesn't need to be aware of his clone. Because if DW doesn't know about Damian, then the LoA doesn't either.
And here's the thing. Damian would not have survived in the LoA for long. Not as a clone. No matter what, he was going to die no matter what he did, and sooner rather than later. The sword of Damocles was always hanging above his head in the League of Assassins.
That portal, and meeting Danny, saved his life. There's no way around it. And to an extent Damian knows this even at six years old. He may not be aware that he would've died, but he knows that meeting Danny was the best thing to happen to him.
It's no wonder after that, that Damian is as clingy to Danny as he is. Danny is the first person he's met to offer him unconditional love, with no strings attached, only pure affection.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpdc#dpxdc crossover#clone^2#like god can you imagine how scared he must've been? how afraid? he just wants his mom - only to realize he doesnt even matter to her#dpxdc au#danny fenton is not the ghost king#this poor kid man. no wonder he latched onto danny the moment he gave up on the league like a leech. he's a six year old kid man and#it doesnt matter how smart he is or how mature he acts. he still is six years old. he still needs that validation and affection from adults#or from people older than him. and his emotional needs were just not being met in the league.#cue the song “two” from sleeping at last - some of their songs are very clone^2 honestly.#'sweetheart you look a little tired. when did you last eat? come in and make yourself right at home. stay as long as you need.'#'tell me is something wrong? if something's wrong you can count on me'#'its okay if you can't find the words. let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders'#'like a force to be reckoned with. am i the ocean or a gentle kiss. i will love you with every single thing i have'#'like a tidal wave i'll make a mess. or calm waters if that serves you best'#'i will love you without any strings attached'#like just. just *imagine* being in damian's shoes during all of this. he's *six* you guys. i've worked with six year olds and they're#pretty independent but they're still six. they get excited when they see their parents and they get upset when an adult is angry with them.#they're still developing their motor skills. they're still developing everything else!
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ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: neteyam x metkayina gn reader
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ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: Even as a member of a clan of Ocean folk, on an island within a huge archipelago, you have found a special place in the forest. You decide Neteyam is worthy enough to know about it.
ᴀɴᴏɴ: i'd like to request a neteyam x reader where reader shows him some secret spot beautiful part of the ocean or the reef or the jungle and he's mesmerized and they have a soft moment <3
ʀᴇ𝐐: yes ~ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 1592
ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: swearing
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ᴍᴀʏʙ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: this is cute
☾⋆☆⋆☽
"Nete."
"Hm?"
When Neteyam turns, he finds your smile first. Then, he takes the rest of you in. You've got your hands behind your back and you're bouncing on the balls of your feet. It's cute, but... he raises a browbone, "What is it?"
"I've got something to show you." You declare excitedly.
"Something?"
"Well, a place."
"Hm," He thinks about it, "that sound suspicious."
"Trust me." You swing your hands forward, crossing them before swishing them away from each other, "It's something good. I'm not up to anything bad."
He's still not convinced. "Right."
"Come onnn!" You whine, bouncing more furiously on your feet. "It's really great, I promise."
"Okay." He replies, which brightens your grin that much more. "Let's go."
☾⋆☆⋆☽
He expected something within the sea, not within the jungle. Though he had been curious ever since he'd step foot on Awa'atlu, his father stated that it was important to focus on the sea and its way. He didn't mention the idea of the jungle at all, but he knew that his children had taken notice of it. It was implied in his speech that they mustn't explore the Jungle.
But something else implied was a not yet.
"You know, I don't think we're allowed here."
Neteyam followed close behind you. Though he was used to forests and jungles, he wasn't used to this one. It was beautiful still, and most importantly, different from the Hallelujah Mountains and the jungles below. Plus, a lot more humid.
"You'd be right about that." You chuckled. "But hey, what's the fun if you don't break any rules?"
Neteyam purses his lips and slows down, something you take notice of. You turn back to him, inquisitive look on your face. "Nete? Something wrong?"
Breaking the rules. It was getting close to curfew, his father had (though implied) prohibited him from entering the jungle, and who knows what the Metkayina thought about this place.
But what was the harm in it? He was just exploring. The shame builds in his shoulders, but he shakes if off. You were going to show him something. He'll be damned if he doesn't at least indulge you. "Nothing."
Your lips grow into a smile, and with the wave of your hand you beckon him forward.
There's a pond ahead, cutting through the trees. It doesn't have much of a shore at all, only small rocks about the size of Na'vi feet in order to cross.
You jump across the rocks quick and nimble, as if you'd done it a thousand times before. He doesn't doubt that you have. He follows along behind you, though the pond catches his eyes. It was extremely bioluminescent, glowing light purple at the edges and baby blue around the center. Water plants grew anywhere and everywhere, as reeds around the rim and big leafy pads with flowers around the middle. They added a nice green to compliment the other colors.
Distracted by the pond, Neteyam almost slips. Almost.
Before he can even dip so much as a toe in the water, you grab a hold of his wrist and successfully stop him from falling in. "Careful. This pond is poisonous."
"What?!" Neteyam exclaims, quick to move his foot onto the rock pathway.
"Looks harmless, right?" You chuckle at his reaction, turning forward again. "Don't fall in. I don't want your blood on my hands."
He huffs, "You underestimate me."
"Oh?" You begin, your tone condescending. "Says the one who almost fell in."
He hisses playfully.
Once you cross to the other side safely, you turn around. Neteyam's gaze follows you curiously.
He doesn't have the time, nor the reflexes fast enough to stop you as you dip your toe in the water. "What the fuck, (y/n)?" He shouts, "You just told me–"
"Ta-da!" You bring your foot out of the water and demonstrate it with pride. "I'm poisoned!"
Neteyam knew poison when he saw it (probably) and he knew this was not poison. Instead, your toe was covered with a mysterious dark green plant he couldn't name. "(y/n)..." He groans.
"Not poisonous, clearly." You snicker, bringing your foot in the air and flicking the plant off your toe. "Just mucky."
He rolls his eyes.
The glow of the surface did well to hide the mucky web of plants below. If he had fallen in, it'd be like getting mud all over him, and then you'd have to take a detour to the lake. That required time you didn't have.
"Let's just keep going."
☾⋆☆⋆☽
You had picked up light conversation as you headed to your promised place. He didn't know much about it, though he asked you plenty. You wanted to keep it a surprise. Him being in the dark meant he didn't know where it was, or where it began; but when he steps into the clearing, he knows this is the place.
He takes slow, cautious steps. His head turns this way and that way every time something new catches his eye and something new happens every second.
It is so beautiful.
Two more steps forward, and he stops entirely. It's just his head, his eyes, and they move constantly. He takes it all in.
It is amazing.
It is a menagerie of bioluminescence, natural glows, every color he could even name, all clashing yet all mixing wonderfully. When you take him by the hand to a log so that you may sit down, he hardly registers the movement.
Ahead of the log, ahead of you, is a small waterfall. The heart of the island held a set of multiple waterfalls, all leading into lakes, all leading into other waterfalls, until they reached the lake at the very bottom.
This place, this clearing, had its own waterfall. The heart of the island wouldn't be a very ideal place to hang out. The waterfalls were so very loud, and there were so very many of them.
Here, however, it is just far enough and just small enough that Neteyam can hear everything.
And everything mesmerizes him.
"Do you like it?"
"I love it."
You smile at that. It was a sight you had grown used to, yet a sight you loved. It was beautiful, the way each glow of a differing color shined on his face. It was beautiful, how his big eyes were blown even wider as he strived to see everything. It was beautiful, the smile trained on his lips.
"See, I don't know anything about the Omatikaya." He doesn't look at you, too entranced with everything else, but you can tell by the perk of his ear that he's listening. "And I'd like to learn about them, about you. But I do know... I do know that they–you lived in a forest. And I thought, well, maybe you would enjoy this."
"Enjoy is..." He lets out a breath that turns into a laugh, "an understatement."
"Yeah." You say, grin growing as wide as his. "I can see that now."
"The ocean is beautiful. The wildlife there, is wide and diverse. I don't see animals here, not often. I only see small things that run when they see me too. I see bugs that, in a second, escape my sight. The big things, the predators that the Olo'eyktan warns us about, I never see.
"We Metkayina, and possibly every animal around us, have adapted to the ocean. The sea, the water, the fish, the Tulkun, we have in abundance.
"So we often forget this is here."
"The plants are here." Neteyam points out the obvious, because it is what is at the forefront of his mind. He doesn't notice how dumb it may be.
"Yes," You chuckle, "the plants remembered. The plants, these ones, they stayed here. And they looked at this place, this little waterfall, and decided this is where they wanted to thrive."
"It's a beautiful place." He remarks.
A silence... then, "Maybe not as beautiful as you."
Neteyam turns to you, finally, for the first time he set foot here. Shock is written all over his face, but the compliment doesn't draw his features into a sour picture. "What?"
"Sorry, I–Well, I thought, you know..." You sputter for an excuse, but then realize you don't need one because fuck it. "Okay, you know what? You're beautiful."
"I–You, uh, th–um..." He, too, sputters for something to say. Anything at all. He only finds three words, only three little words that were suitable enough. "I see you."
Your brow bones raise, along with everything else on your face, with surprise. "In the midst of all of this?"
"Yes." He nods his head, scooting closer to you. Your knees touch. "I see you. Because this place is everything to me, a piece of my home in the Metkayina jungle, but you're the one who showed it to me, and you're the one I truly care about."
"A couple seconds ago," You begin, your exhale coming out a shocked laugh, "you wouldn't even look at me."
"(y/n)." His voice gives off the tiniest whine when you point it out.
"Okay, sorry." You shake your head with closed eyes. When you open them back up, his eyes are still trained on you, fully attentive. They're big and round and golden, unlike your blue ones, and they look perfect. "I see you."
In the midst of it all, where everything glowed, where everything was beautiful, where everything was colorful, where everything called for your attention, you saw each other.
He saw you, and you could only see him.
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bignosebaby · 11 months
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The monkeys in clothes at the tip of an animal cruelty iceberg
(TW for discussion of animal abuse)
Reaction images are a popular staple of online culture, and in recent years primates have grown substantially in popularity. Orangutans, chimpanzees, gorillas, and monkeys of all species have become the subject of online meme pages. Many of these pages, especially those run by self-described primate enthusiasts post images from accredited zoos and sanctuaries with individuals such as Shabani the gorilla, Kanzi the bonobo, Beni of orangutan jungle school fame, and others known for exhibiting amusing natural behaviour at the forefront.
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[Image ID: A meme from monkey.posting of 2 photos on a white background with black text. The text reads: “*Our First Date*” With “Her” above a photo of a thin person with long dark hair wearing a white t-shirt and black mini skirt taking a mirror selfie with an iphone and “Me” above a photo of an adult orangutan with a blue blanket draped over its head. End ID]
Memes like this are widely enjoyed and harmless. The primates are engaging in natural behaviours, the pictures in the memes are primarily sourced from the social media accounts of zoos and sanctuaries, and the consumers of the memes are animal lovers. Further from the primate posters of Instagram and Tumblr, other primate pictures are used. These pictures more commonly depict monkeys in baby clothes, in urban settings, being fed by tourists, and grimacing or swatting. The original context for these pictures is lost, and they are reposted with relatable captions, like the image below.
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[Image ID: a baby macaque in a fuzzy purple hoodie wearing lipstick, purple eyeshadow, and eyeliner with its eyes closed. The caption is overlayed and reads “i pretend i do not see it.......”. End ID]
What the average person who posts these reaction images sees is a funny picture, and with the rapid rate of posting and viewing the idea of interrogating the background of every meme and image you see online seems exhausting, and ridiculous. However, the one piece of context that connects every image of a primate in baby clothes is that these images all depict animal cruelty. Not only that, but the producers of these images are making money off of animal abuse.
Monkeys are extremely intelligent and have very demanding social, physical, and intellectual needs. No pet primate is living a life that can meet these needs, which would involve massive enclosures with diverse diets, many other monkeys to form relationships with, and daily enrichment. While some pet primate owners try to give their unfortunate and expensive pets the best life they can, on YouTube and other social media sites the algorithm rules and leads to dark places.
A regular viewer of monkey and ape videos will be recommended videos of pet primates at an increasing frequency, with abuse and neglect becoming more and more common. In a BBC article studying the online groups of dedicated “monkey haters“ whom delight in videos depicting the abuse and neglect of monkeys, the algorithmic pipeline towards animal abuse is documented: “Kapetanich saw monkeys dressed up in baby clothes, monkeys being bathed, forced to walk upright or do other unnatural tasks. Then the algorithm served her videos of monkeys being slapped and sprayed with water. These videos violated YouTube’s terms of service, so she reported them, but the platform didn’t seem to take any action." Without ever leaving YouTube or actively searching, a regular person was served videos of baby monkeys being abused. After continued viewership, YouTube recommended a video of baby monkeys being tortured. Most shocking of all, is that the comments on these videos are mostly supportive, with many suggesting torture methods they want to see in future videos. Some monkey haters are willing to pay, and contact pet primate owners who post videos of them scolding or pushing their monkeys with requests for more brutal punishments.
The BBC article is here for those who wish to read, but I warn against those sensitive to disturbing articles to avoid or do so with caution. While my mission stays on social media and the clear web, the article dives into the dark web and encrypted telegram groups where the most extreme animal abusers congregate. My point is not to disturb people, but to educate on how even innocent looking images of dressed up monkeys are the start of a pipeline that leads to animal abuse. In fact, many of the exact same monkeys start their lives as dress up candidates and end their lives before reaching adulthood, as their owners profit off their suffering.
What can you do?
No one likes to think that they are involved, even implicitly, in the suffering of others. Many critiques of reaction images featuring abused animals will be met with dismissals, that “it’s not that deep“. While it is not your fault that animals are being abused if you shared images of dressed-up monkeys online, using these images normalizes the most socially acceptable form of their mistreatment. There are small and simple changes to your online presence you can make to help:
Use reaction images of primates from wildlife photographers, zoogoers, and the social media accounts of high-quality zoos and sanctuaries.
Report images and videos of animal mistreatment you see on social media as animal cruelty.
Contact YouTube and other social media sites such as Instagram and Facebook to tell them that hosting animal abuse videos and images is unacceptable.
You don’t need to be an expert in primate welfare! Avoiding any photos where a primate is clothed is enough to reduce your chances of accidentally using images depicting abuse by a substantial margin. Being mindful, kind, and open to learning goes a long way.
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jahsontodd · 1 year
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✨rating pedro pascal characters based on nothing but costuming (non-exhaustive)✨
considerations:
*real housewives voice* thats my OPINION!!! also subject to change upon reflection, just going off my current feelings. 
not really discussing whether the costuming is good or bad for character, context, or source material but just how much I like them if that makes sense. 
some of these costume designers knocked it out of the park but would I be a little grumpy if I went on a date and they showed up in a walmart denim button up and ripped their $300+ jacket to shreds? Yes. Was that costume absolutely perfect for Joel? Yes again.
Mostly discussing costuming in context modern/21st century settings. The Mandalorian+GOT+ etc. in part two?
Minimal discussion on hair+cosmetics, only really when it applies to the whole look
Javier Gutierrez: The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
Rating: 10/10
Crew:
Paco Delgado: Costume Designer see also: John Wick: Chapter 4, Death on the Nile, Jungle Cruise, Cats (2019), Split, Les Misérables 2012 (and many more he’s booked and busy)
full cast and crew
Comments: 
They did not have to go so crazy on these outfits!!! 
Why does one of my favorite looks apparently not even appear in the movie!?
every look is so *chefs kiss*
I feel like mustard yellow is such a good color on him. 
Like call up those people on tik tok who make nonsensical categories like “strong winter” “ambivalent fall” and find out why mustard yellow always works.
The palette is a cute mix of like warm bricky colors like red, brown, mustard yellow mixed with baby blue and eggshell white. its actually perfect. 
What really makes him stand out is the fact he accessorizes. 
Lots of men don't accessorize because they don’t think its important - they couldn’t be more wrong. 
It’s one of the many injustices of the world that a man’s outfit looks 10x better by adding one necklace or in this case- pinky ring.
Do I like the sunglasses? No. But I like that they are there. 
Obligatory hair mention: The hair looks great. With longer hair becomes more responsibility, ie sometimes the part is a little too deep making the front pieces have a combover look. This is only when its messy though so that may have been the point?
If I included every outfit I liked it would just be a slideshow of the whole movie so I picked my favorites 
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Javier Peña: Narcos
Rating: 10/10
Crew:
Bina Daigler: Costume Designer (season 1) see also: Dumplin’, Tár, Mulan (2020), 1899
María Estela Fernánde: Costume Designer (season 2-3) see also: Narcos: Mexico, Queen of the South, Hell (El Infierno)
Mayra de Abreu: Wardrobe Supervisor (season 1) key costumer for (season 2-3) see also: Narcos: Mexico, The Head of Joaquín Murrieta (La Cabeza de Joaquín Murrieta)
full cast and crew
Comments: 
Can you tell I like 70s inspos?
Its unique but true to someone who grew up in RGV and now on his own
ie good luck getting him out of boots. you can’t do it
When he dresses up in s1+2, damn i love a tan suit! 
Its very formulaic, but not to the extent that it looks like he bought 7 colors of the exact same shirt. He’s pretty much always wearing a short sleeve button up and fitted jeans. which makes the times he isn’t stand out
ie the tan suit. what can i say i am an american who is up to date on politics i always defend a tan suit when i see one
also occasionally breaks out this like tan vest situation? 
I think it’s a good balance between like clearly not being inspired by like their “current day” but not so 70s that it would be odd. It’s kinda timeless. 
He tends to follow one of my outfits rules: max 3 colors
Rules are meant to be broken obvi 
But I do feel like as a general rule of thumb and since he doesn’t wear a ton of patterns, wearing more than three colors starts to make an outfit look random and not put together
For Javi, this usually means 
color 1: *shirt color* 
color 2: pants (pretty much just blue or black, he does throw in some brown pants) 
color 3: brown (pretty exclusively wears brown belts/shoes)
Short note on hair/grooming: I love how season 1 has some more length in the back and generally has a shaggy sort of look? By season 3 his hair is more cropped probably bc of his new role. 
Something about the extra length in the back makes him look young- not in the sense of like actual age but maybe looking more hopeful or green, even when dressed up 
Also every so often you can see when they mess up the stick on sideburns. It tickles me.
He’s a menace to society. And he knows it 
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Pietro Alvarez: If Beale Street Could Talk
Rating:  8/10
Crew:
Caroline Eselin (Caroline Eselin-Schaefer): Costume Designer see also: Moonlight (2016), Father of the Bride, Troop Zero, The Underground Railroad
full cast and crew
Comments:
We don’t see much and what we see! Is so good
This deep deep red is very nice and I like that is a monochromatic look (I don’t think we see his pants in the movie but collecting pics for this I saw the pants are the same color) 
It also has my favorite type of collar- that extra pointy extra long collar. 
And he *drum rolls* accessorized! Its only a necklace but the choice to have it OVER the shirt, over an already perfectly monochrome outfit makes it pop
The things that bring it a little down for me is, well, there is only one scene to work with so it feels wrong to rank higher than projects with multiple outfits, and the grooming
The mustache didn’t have to be so thin. 
Hair wise I don’t understand why we always have to exaggerate the side burns to achieve the “deep sideburn” look. 
I feel like we could still make the hair look “of the time” by taking some of the weight from the sides and leaving it up top and working with his natural side burns (even if that means making them darker, just not necessarily longer)
Even though I get the hair of the time was very um... spherical
side note: everyone in this movie is dressed spectacularly. I am appreciating through the tears in my eyes
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Jack Daniels: Kingsman: Golden Circle
Rating: 7/10
Crew:
Arianne Phillips: Costume Designer See Also: Don’t Worry Darling, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Nocturnal Animals, Kingsman: The Secret Service
Full cast and crew
Comments:
Have I watched in full? Maybe a few years ago? I remember the first one quite clearly bc the water filling up the bedroom scene YIKES!
The snowsuit is so good. It’s functional, it’s sassy. It has one of my favorite western top details I don’t know the name of but the little patch details on the front of the shoulders. 
Who’s idea was it for the belt buckle to be a FLASK!!! thats gold
I love a color SCHEME!!! 
brown leather deserves love
The rain boots- a practical choice in the middle of like the least practical movie ever? Leave him in cowboy boots you cowards
Like oh the grounds might get muddy he needs rain boots. His belt buckle was a flask guys be real
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Marcus Pike: The Mentalist
Rating: 5/10
Crew:
Amanda Friedland: Costumer Designer See also: 13 Reasons Why, House of 1000 Corpses, Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles, Fight Club, Clueless,
Scott O’Leary: Costume Designer See Also: The Rookie, Lucifer, Supergirl, 21 Jumpstreet
full cast and crew
Comments:
Have I watched in full? No. I caught a few episodes it was when it was airing but I don’t think i could tell you a single plot line 
(there is a LOT of FBI Department of Pseudo Psychology shows ok)
I do remember in one of his early eps they use the murder house from Nightcrawlers.
*Abby Lee voice* you didn’t stick out to me
Very government employee of you to wear ill fitting suits
Not to be irrational but v-neck t shirts don’t rub me the right way. 
This is a completely personal ick that I don’t expect anyone else to agree with. 
I just ~~ just do a crew neck you know? 
Maybe WHY I don’t like it is because its very 2010-2014. 
Which, in Marcus’ defense, just makes v-neck t-shirts something of the time 
Does nothing crazy with his suits, but nothing that makes me cover my eyes either 
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Joel Miller: The Last of Us
Rating: 6/10
Crew:
Cynthia Anne Summers: Costume Designer See also: Swan Song, The Babysitters Club, Snowpiercer, A Series of Unfortunate Events (2018), Apollo 18
Full cast and crew
Comments:
Joel we get it you are nOT like other girls 
It makes sense for who he is. 
And who he is is someone who is not thinking about how much cunt he is going to serve with his outfit that day. 
unFORTUNATELY.
His pants ARE suspiciously fitted. Not so utilitarian when it comes to pants are you Joel?
But! I love the big coat. Could live in the big coat. The big coat deserves an award
The best part of the big coat is the main defense against the simplicity of Joel’s outfits are “oh it’s the apocalypse” or “oh he’s not thinking about that” 
Really? bc this is a SHEARLING lined coat. Do you know how quickly those fluffy shearling/sherpa etc. liners start to look like shit? if its a real shearling lining (the one he uses is real) you need to avoid getting it wet and store in dry areas. 
I am not even talking about price here! Because I have already explained why I think its not that weird to have people wearing expensive clothes 20 years into the apocalypse. 
Its the utility of having a shearling lined coat when you don’t have a closet full of DampRids
No way he had it in Boston since they only travel with regular sized backpacks. He saw it, liked it, wanted it, got it. 
He got that coat for the cunt of it all, you can’t convince me otherwise. 
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Thank you so much for coming on this ride with me it was a fun exercise to look at just the clothes and not my feelings toward the character/movie/show. 
Who should I do next time? I have plenty of more thoughts hehe
~Tags for amiges who wanted to see this post!~
@fuckyeahpedropascal​ @simpingcowboy​
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dirtytransmasc · 1 year
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What do you think Spider’s home life with the McCoskers was like, any theories and ideas? It had to have been bad if Quaritch was considered to be a better candidate for a father figure.
these are more headcanons than theories, but tomato tamato. none of this is explicitly canon (to my knowledge). tw for domestic/child abuse.
nash was smart enough to not hit his kids, but he would make physical threats, grab them back the collars of their shirts, push them around, etc.
nash is very strict; each kid has a list of chores, have to live almost military-like, up at the crack of dawn, strict bedtime, etc. any deviation from his expectation would mean a crackdown.
the kids were pinned against each other, the bio brothers v. spider. both were manipulated to see the other as free. nash's boys were allowed to act out towards spider and received their father love, but were never allowed to stray far from their little home in the compound. spider was allowed to disappear for hours every day, no limits and no rules, but spider is horribly neglected. both hate each other because they have what the other wants so desperately, freedom v. family. they have an awful relationship because both are so blinded by what they want to see that no one is happy, no one is safe in that home, and that no one could envy the other.
nash stopped feeding spider when he learned to hunt, saying he had learned plenty enough to provide for himself and that if he'd rather stay out in the jungle all day and whatever part of the night he could get away with, he could eat out there.
Mary is not a caring mother to spider, she does the bare minimum, and that's even an overstatment; she does enough that it isn't obvious she doesn't care and therefore won't bring shame to her.
she allows nash to scapegoat spider not because she too is necessarily abusive herself, but because it keeps nash's temper off of her and her boys.
mary has voiced many times that spider is not her son, to his face. nash has done this as well but its a lot more consistent, he doesn't have to be in any sort of mood to say it. they barely play pretend for other people.
while both parents use spider's constant absence to taunt him, they're happy he's out of their care for most of the day.
as a baby spider was typically kept in a crib or allowed to run around the lab, not getting much attention from his foster family. this led to them just leaving spider to his own devices, even encouraged to leave the confines of the room only to then be punished and blamed for being in other's ways.
I think they were you average 'military dad and battered wife who set their kids up for failure' type family and I feel bad for all 3 kids, even if their bio boys have little chance to ever leave their footsteps.
quaritch never hurt his boy, never threatened him or tried to cause him harm (genuinely, he may have quipped threats at him, but as far as we saw, he never meant them). he protected spider and valued him. he may not have been great, but he's much better by impression alone then the McCoskers.
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deadcactuswalking · 9 days
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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: EUROVISION SPECIAL 2024 (18/05/2024) - also feat. Post Malone/Morgan Wallen, Myles Smith, Gunna and... Macklemore?
For the third week on the UK Singles Chart, Sabrina Carpenter reigns at the top with “Espresso”, and it’s the one week where my two main interests of pop music and geopolitics combine: the Eurovision final. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!
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content warning: Israel-Palestine conflict, sex, language, Morgan Wallen
Rundown
As always, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40 and this week, we bid farewell to… “These Walls” by Dua Lipa? Already? Yikes. Aside from that, we can bid adieu to “Feel It” by d4vd, “Outside of Love” by Becky Hill, “Type Shit” by Future, Metro Boomin, Travis Scott and Playboi Carti, “Worth It.” by RAYE, “Training Season” by Dua Lipa, “Thank You (Not So Bad)” by Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike, Tiesto, Dido and W&W, “Whatever” by Kygo and Ava Max, “Back on 74” by Jungle, and of course, “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers. Honestly, not much I can complain about, and I’d predict some of it ends up coming back anyway.
As for our gains, we see some notable boosts for “The Door” by Teddy Swims at #58, “Love Me JeJe” by Tems at #45, “As it Was” by Harry Styles at #33 (yep, it’s still around), “Saturn” by SZA at #32 and “Slow it Down” by Benson Boone at #16. Sure, that doesn’t seem like a lot, but this is quite a busy week so naturally, the gains are minimal, and there are no returns, but a bunch of new songs.
And in our top five this week on the UK Singles Chart, we have “Too Sweet” by Hozier at #5, Shaboozey at #4 with “A Bar Song (Tipsy)”, Tommy Richman shooting up to #3 with “MILLION DOLLAR BABY”, and a star-studded debut right at #2, with Post Malone and Morgan Wallen on “I Had Some Help”. “Espresso” of course is at #1 but more on Post and Morgan later… for now, let’s discuss the biggest night of the year when it comes to gay people representing war criminals in a competition to see who wrote and performed the better track: the Eurovision Song Contest.
Eurovision Song Contest 2024
Naturally, I end up talking about this every year, and this Eurovision was particularly controversial - at least amongst the very online, though very much also amongst the Eurovision fans who have protested some rulings by the European Broadcasting Union and their chairman in relation to the participation of Israel amidst the ongoing invasion of Gaza, as well as the disqualification of the Dutch participant for being aggressive towards a camerawoman, allegedly, though apparently there wasn’t any violence, he didn’t want to be filmed - it’s a bit of hearsay involved. I’m not here to discuss that though, I’m not a gossip blog - even if that last episode about the Kendrick-Drake beef might have teetered on it. Instead, I’ll focus on the music presented this year at Malmo, Sweden, and its impact on the UK charts, which remains relatively uncontroversial. Our entry, “Dizzy” by Olly Alexander of Years & Years, returns to #48 after peaking at #42 earlier this year - kind of embarrassing it couldn’t land in the top 40, especially since there are several other Eurovision songs in that region - though not many - this very week. A muted Eurovision year for sure when it comes to its tangible impact on the charts, but also just a messy overall Eurovision year, here’s me ignoring the vast majority of that and telling you all these songs kind of sucked.
#67 - “Doomsday Blue” - Bambie Thug
REPRESENTING: Ireland
Ireland sent a non-binary witch to Eurovision. If that isn’t woke going too far, I don’t know what it is. Jokes aside, it was a very theatric performance that gained traction simply for being weird, out there, extraordinary and camp, as well as having a soundtrack that, to many people I’m sure, was listenable. The performance, the staging, the camera work, it was all amazing. This alt-metal joint produced by Tylr Rydyr fell into what many heavier acts do at Eurovision: try and fit everything in the short time they have allocated. Norway fantastically avoided this by making a slower and more dramatic, maybe even epic, track but that cost them any chance of winning so from Ireland - and Croatia, we’ll get to it - we have some vaguely industrial mess and yes, I know the dynamic shifting between the two “modes” is most of the point, but I’m sorry, I just can’t stand this. It’s not a good metal song because it fails to reach any catharsis in its refusal to progress upon itself, and it’s not a good pop song simply because it refuses to construct itself as such. It’s not awful, at least by an objective standpoint, but apart from a pretty solid bridge where Mx. Thug devolves into the screeching noise of the outro, the song just teeters into different ideas without gaining a tight grip on any of them, and it’s probably a result more so of ESC limitations than Bambie Thug’s artistic intent, which makes it all the more frustrating.
#37 - “Europapa” - Joost
INTENDED TO REPRESENT: The Netherlands
My favourite Eurovision songs were Czechia, the Netherlands, Norway and Greece. Greece did okay, Norway… made the final at least, Czechia didn’t and the Netherlands were disqualified from performing. Just my luck, hey? Maybe I should stop making endorsements. Regardless, I still really like the Dutch entry, performed by Joost Klein and produced by Tantu Beats and Paul Elstak. It frames itself as a bit of a meme but it’s really one of the few entries that connects to the contest’s theme this year of uniting by music, narrating a story of an orphan travelling Europe getting the chance to prove himself, a story that has its origins in Joost himself losing his parents at a young age and now attempting to prove himself at Eurovision, which of course, sadly didn’t occur and makes the song even more bittersweet than it already was. There’s an even harsher dissonance at play, but outside of the context, it’s just an undeniable Eurodance jam. He even goes for the exact cheesy rap flow every Eurodance rent-a-rapper would use, and the nonsense chorus and vocal chop over the delightfully predictable happy hardcore pianos and synths are just a cherry on top, especially before it sprinkles into the messy instrumental outro. The fact that the lyrics are personal and cleverly written, with a reference to a Stromae song that is also about lacking a father figure, as well as a sample of a classic Dutch film, adds that little speck of intimate detail that makes a goofy song like this hit the right note. It’s fantastic, it’s a damn shame it couldn’t be performed at the final.
#36 - “Rim Tim Tagi Dim” - Baby Lasagna
REPRESENTING: Croatia
This one should be easy to ring off, because it is incredibly one-note. A self-produced Neue Deutsche Harte record from Croatia with goofy lyrics and an impassioned yet somewhat restricted performance that I feel is a bit tied up in the grinding, danceable nature of its unmoving instrumentation that it can’t have nearly as fun as it should. The chorus is a bit self-serious as well, and whilst tonal clash is definitely not stranger to Eurovision, and can be implemented well like with “Europapa”, it’s only when the goofiness comes as a direct result of the more serious backstory or they’re inseparable, and given this barely constructs a full song out of just repeating yourself, it feels half-baked.
#18 - “The Code” - Nemo
REPRESENTING: Switzerland
This one I don’t really like either, and I’ll admit that it’s purely because it’s not my favourite brand of camp: the operatic performance is bombastic and impressive, sure, but it just annoys me. The breathing especially from Nemo, it feels a bit much, if there is a limitation for that in Eurovision. I should mention, probably, that this is the winner for Eurovision this year, and Nemo is another non-binary individual from Switzerland, but they also rap so that’s like five woke points detracted. Their performance once again is impressive but comes from a very Disney-esque school of theatrics and I’ve never been able to relate too well to lyrics about triumphantly finding yourself, mostly because it’s a lot messier of a process than this streamlined breakbeat over soaring strings would have you believe. You would clearly be able to tell that Nemo is one of six producers (the others are Lasse Nymann, Benjamin Alasu, Tom Oehler, Wojciech Kostrzewa and NYLAN) and that’s far from a bad thing: it sounds epic. I absolutely understand why it won, it’s got the energy, the bombast, the straight-up talent, it’s just far from my thing. I think I just watch Eurovision for the politics and Graham Norton at this point, so the songs that’ll hit closer to home are those that try for subtlety, which we honestly didn’t get a lot of this year.
New Entries
#70 - “Miles on It” - Kane Brown and Marshmello
Produced by Digital Farm Animals, Earwulf, Connor McDonough and Marshmello
We really don’t have to do this, guys. If we’re going to actually import some country from Stateside, let’s stick to their biggest and brightest. I’ll take Luke Combs, I’ll take Morgan Wallen and I’ll take Zach Bryan and then some. Kane Brown making yet another half-hearted pop pivot - if you can even call it a pivot at this point - with a slowly fading Marshmello at the helm does not need to be included in the shipment. Given how many fully competent producers are here, I question what Melloboy even did, apart from maybe the grating, ugly processed guitar in the drop because that sounds straight out of his playbook. The snap intro sounds more like Loud Luxury’s “Body” than it does anything even resembling country and I don’t think the decidedly unsubtle lyrics from Kane Brown here as he elbows you asking if you know what it means, or the tropical house wank vaguely pretending to be in any way related to Nashville, is going to make for a fitting sex song separately, let alone together. I’m usually one that complains about songs being too short but this one loses steam a minute and a half in, and just ends up embarrassing for Kane Brown and… more of the same garbage for Marshmello. At least “Body Like a Back Road” had the kindness to keep it more relaxed.
#68 - “Take a Bite” - beabadoobee
Produced by Rick Rubin and Jacob Bugden
So this new beabadoobee song is about finding peace and comfort in toxic or negative situations that are simply the norm, feeling like you have to repeat behaviours that may be unhealthy or unwieldy, with an introspective chorus where she wonders why she’s stuck in that cycle, never truly finding an answer but she still wants to do it over and over again in spite of her ambitions. It’s a great conceit for a song that’s convincingly sold by beabadoobee’s constantly uncertain, softer tone often buried by the production, which is my main issue with this track: Rick Rubin’s on the boards, which means the dreamy gaze of these guitars doesn’t shine nearly as well as it should, and the overdubs feel a bit… random? It’s hard to describe, but despite the chaotic tone of the song, I think it would benefit from being more refined and less scrappy, primarily because that is an absolutely killer chorus even if, like much of the rest of the song, it’s pure worship of 90s and 2000s adult alternative. That’s a genre I miss being on the charts though, I love all that kind of stuff, so I’m fully happy with this being here. I wish there was either a poppier or crunchier sound to it - feels a bit weird lodged between the two extremes, and the fact the guitar doesn’t get to really roar in the bridge does bother me - but as a song, still fantastically written and infectious. Even if I doubt it’ll stick around, I hope more of this sound is coming, because if this is close to being great, I imagine what beabadoobee has left might just reach that.
#64 - “on one tonight” - Gunna
Produced by Kenny Stuntin and Nash Beats
We actually have two Gunna songs. His most recent album One of Wun debuted at #4 on the albums chart and took that week it was out to grow on me. I was initially very lukewarm on it but a few surprisingly impactful experiences with the album - namely, being sleep deprived and trying to use it force me to sleep - have allowed me to gain a respect for it. Sadly, my favourite tracks haven’t debuted, at least not in the top 75 - “hakuna matata” is in the top 100. What we do have still isn’t bad, and definitely contributes to the semi-motivational oceanic feeling of the record overall. In fact, I will say the album is better experienced as a whole due to the seamless tracklist sequencing and overall mood that carries on way more effectively when spread out across 20 tracks. Without each other, sole songs can definitely feel a bit empty, and this is absolutely a great example since it’s only one and a half minutes. Its watery Dirty South beat is slick, Gunna is surprisingly focused in his rags-to-riches story that involves a cute little melodic hook towards the end of his one verse, as well as some genuine lines about staying independent and keeping a relationship with God to stay motivated. It’s a real bite-size example of what I liked about the Gunna album, but not too impressive as a sole piece.
#55 - “one of wun” - Gunna
Produced by Kenny Stuntin, Byrd and ProdByQue
Yup, two consecutive Gunnas, and I hate to say it but it’s more of the same, as the title track is one of my least favourites here, mostly because it tries to be a “banger” with its unmoving, frankly quite dull trap beat and cheap percussion that falters when it comes to replicating the wavy atmosphere of much of the rest of the album. Gunna is still fun here declaring that he’s not a lil-bitty shrimp but I’ve never been anything but repulsed by his brand of sex bars, and they’re not exactly anything fancier here, so it’s just a bit of a dud. Sorry. Wish I could talk about some of my preferred tracks at length but I’ll just shout out my favourites, those being the opener “collage”, “whatsapp (wassam)”, “treesh”, “conscience”, “let it breathe” featuring Roddy Richh and the very genuine closer “be careful what you wish for”.
#51 - “HIND’S HALL” - Macklemore
Produced by Macklemore
I do feel pretty damn good about how the Israeli entry to Eurovision failed to chart but raising funds for the United Nations relief agency in Palestine can take Macklemore of all people nearly in the top 50 with a very non-commercial song. It may seem petty but hey, I’d rather be petty on the side of freedom, and I’ve been caring about Palestine’s independence long before the recent war in Gaza - you can check my coverage of Israeli Eurovision entries from even just last year - so part of me is really happy that this song exists and is charting. In fact, all of me is, and I’m surprised that Macklemore has taken such a public and assertive stance on this considering he’s mostly a comedic rapper, whose political statements I remember most being 1.) the time he wore an antisemitic costume because he thought he was Humpty Hump, and 2.) the time that he thought he was gay because he liked drawing. I’m hyperbolising those events, obviously, they’re both just mismanagements of genuinely good intentions, but that’s kind of been what Macklemore is defined by, at least to me, and “HIND’S HALL” is a much more focused attempt at expressing those feelings in a cohesive way. I still don’t like it.
The idea to sample a respected Lebanese Arab singer is clever, but the beat is droning and aggressive in a very old-school rap way, which means it can get on the nerves easily if the guy over it is struggling to keep compelling - see Eminem’s “Mosh”. I agree with the vast majority of what Macklemore says about white supremacy and I absolutely agree that Palestine should be free - and I think he makes a very good point not many are doing in comparing Israel’s treatment of Gazans to police brutality in the USA, even if he doesn’t really expand on that, and makes it more about himself than it probably should be. That’s the main issue with this song for me, and it’s clear even in Macklemore’s delivery, which can be aggressive and gritty, clipping in the mix, but can also just sound goofy, especially in the intro where the rhyme schemes are a bit dragged out. Otherwise, whilst I have no problem with the vast majority of his lyrics, some nitpicks get to me in a way they wouldn’t if it weren’t for the unavoidable corniness of Macklemore and a song that teeters on obnoxious, mostly through the TikTok references, the idea that white supremacy wasn’t on blast until Macklemore made this song, the random Drake mention that feels attention-grabbing, the plea not to vote for Biden as if a good third party exists and the other option isn’t going to make Gaza worse and embolden white supremacy domestically, and most annoyingly for me, “You can pay off Meta, but you can’t pay off me!”… You’re fucking Macklemore! As much as I really don’t like the song, I do recommend it. Stream it, buy it, give the lyrics a read, there’s not much art being made about this in the public eye and even what we are being given is by imperfect allies (if there is such thing as a perfect ally), it should give us the opportunity to raise money and awareness by the suffering by those on the ground, corniness be damned. I have a lot of respect to Macklemore for trying this out and what he does, even if I don’t like it, is way more impactful than anything I could even try. It’s free Palestine until the colonisation and murder stops, and my hope is that eventually, it will, though the suffering faced in that excruciating timespan may not even balance the eventual freedom when so many who struggled won’t get to live a second of it.
#41 - “360” - Charli XCX
Produced by A.G. Cook and Cirkut
I think I’m supposed to know who, well, any of the women in this music video are. Regardless, it had a bit of a viral moment and helped propel Charli’s newest single from her upcoming Brat album to nearly reach the top 40. Here, the Eurodance keys are placed alongside a demanding electroclash beat that makes it sound a lot darker than they would in a more upbeat, party-friendly context, and this is really an example of A.G. Cook taking elements of electronic dance music and either blending them with different ideas or taking them so far out of context that they emit an entirely different idea than would be otherwise intended. It’s a brilliant idea, especially with the vaguely Jersey club percussion effects in the chorus and that weedy 2000s synths-- did she shout out Sewerlsvt? No? Okay, thank God. Uh, swiftly moving past that, I think this is a very effective way of balancing the carefree and paranoid elements of showbiz together into a relatively ugly yet still accessible and catchy, even hypnotic, tune with a cute little reference to her producer in the second verse and hooks out the wazoo. This is more lowkey perhaps than what the album’s title and cover would imply, but for me, its brattiness is much more charming than in “Von dutch”. Also, apparently there’s a remix with Robyn and Yung Lean coming which is insane and I desperately need to hear that.
#12 - “Stargazing” - Myles Smith
Produced by Peter Fenn
I had no idea who this guy was until just a few weeks earlier and now we’re giving him a free top 20 hit. Sure… man, we’re really back in 2013 pop, aren’t we? This doesn’t directly sample or interpolate anything, but it sure felt derivative and looking back towards a monogenre we ditched back in 2015. It mixes the stomp rock of that time with the dance-pop of that time in a blend that could potentially be interesting if this wasn’t just something that Avicii did back in the day, and by keeping the fake claps, anthemic choruses, ugly vocal processing and wooshing sound effects but not the commitment to electronic sounds, it ends up sounding less like an attempt to warp genres together like Avicii was doing and instead just a mangled attempt to manufacture a pop version of what Hozier and Noah Kahan are already doing to great success without dumbing themselves down. Also, the mix is just terrible, that lifeless yet still inexplicably propulsive kick drum frightens me. This’ll probably be a hit but God, it’s not deserving of it. Next.
#2 - “I Had Some Help” - Post Malone featuring Morgan Wallen
Produced by Charlie Handsome, Hoskins and Louis Bell
To anyone surprised that Post Malone is able to pull the streaming and radio numbers he has in the past week for this single… to quote a great post on the Pulse forums, “he had some help.” It’s not fair to say it’s all Morgan though - after all, he’s not a massive pull globally. The song has genuinely latched on pretty well and had an amazing couple first days, it could still stick around, and I honestly think that sometimes a song’s success can be explained pretty simply: it’s just good enough. There’s a lot you CAN hate about this, especially given Post Malone’s origins in rap that I’ve already seen start discourse about this single, and Morgan Wallen as a presence is always going to turn people off… but this is just a driving-down-main country pop-rock sing-a-long, and I feel that’s really difficult to mess up. The drums don’t sound that organic, even if they are - they could very well fit in a synthpop tune as well - but Post has never been one for organic instrumentation, more so an immersive blend between the acoustic guitars he’s familiar with and soundscapes that prefer synthbeds, strings and trap percussion, so this is considerably more organic for the guy, who warbles through the verses and pre-choruses that are probably about a breakup but… does it matter? Once the drum fills into the undeniable chorus that really only has one flaw in that it might be too wordy, but is otherwise an anthemic ode to teamwork more than anything else, I could not care less about what the song is actually about. The fiddle that backs Morgan Wallen is a nice touch, even if a bit on-the-nose that designate that he’s the country singer on the track, and the chorus sounds perfectly written based on both artists’ catalogue. I can see right through this in terms of it being a slight reinvention of Post’s image, a clear attempt at being a surefire hit, but the song backing it all up has too much genuine chemistry and is way too well constructed for that opaqueness to ever get to me. Especially with that chorus, God, it’s a great chorus.
Conclusion
Best of the Week goes to Joost here for “Europapa”, with Charli XCX grabbing the Honourable Mention for “360” though, again, those Post Malone and beabadoobee songs are pretty damn good. As for the worst, it should be pretty damn clear which two tracks are there, but it’s a toss-up to who gets what. I think Kane Brown and Marshmello get Worst of the Week on the pure egregiousness of “Miles on It”, but Myles Smith’s “Stargazing” might just sound worse and takes the Dishonourable Mention. That was a heavy few weeks but hopefully things will calm down, for now - thank you for reading, rest in peace to Steve Albini, free Palestine and I’ll see you next week!
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catholictrauma · 7 months
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This whole Palestinian ethnic cleansing is beyond dystopian, and my blood is boiling consistently every second of the day. I never go on Snapchat anymore, but i went into the Gaza strip’s public stories and it was every bit as horrific as you would expect. I recorded every second of footage; I am so nervous that the second I look away, their ability to show the outside world what is happening to them will be taken away, as it was before. Bombs are background audio to 50% of it. Bloodied baby hands, cars filled with families getting blown up, and sometimes whole blocks of a city crumbling down like it were made of sand. I am beyond angry right now and I can’t imagine how people are too chickenshit to call this what it is. Israel’s unchecked illegal occupation and the violence they inflict despite international law shows me how sick our leaders are. Any pretenses of “civil governments” and the structures implemented after WWII to SPECIFICALLY MAKE SURE GENOCIDE DOES NOT OCCUR UNCHECKED seem to give Israel some magical special pass. This is not a war when one side has a superpower of a military and the protection of the United States empire, while the other has so little that its water, food, energy, contact with the outside world, ability to move freely, and HUMAN DIGNITY are stripped on the will of their oppressors. I’m sure everyone can see and read all of this for themselves, even if I personally am college-educated in the conflicts of the Middle East. This conflict is very easy to understand, especially in terms of Israel’s “right” to mass murder. If Hamas, after breaking the Gaza blockade, had been suspected of hiding out in Israel, you know DAMN FUCKING WELL that 10,000+ civilians wouldn’t be murdered in searching for them. And don’t get me started on the “bring them home” rhetoric referring to Israeli hostages. If you want my guess at where those people are now, I am betting at least half of them were killed in this IDF-driven brutalization. One of my best friends was raised in an incredibly conservative, Zionist Jewish family. He says what many other people, especially in Anti-Zionist Jewish communities like the Jewish Voice For Peace (JVP) have laid out; when you really dig into a Zionist’s argument, it becomes clear that they do not see Palestinians as human in the same way they are. A Palestinian child, in their eyes, is not as pure as their own. Hell, some Zionists will even openly admit this with pride, and I’ve seen some truly blood-boiling remarks from that collective under videos of unthinkable pain and grief. Frankly, at this point, I do assume Zionists deem Palestinians as less human as a general rule. Palestinians telling a media outlet that their whole family has been bombed, only to be met with no recognition of this travesty as the “journalist” asks them to condemn Hamas as if they have anything to do with October the 7th, shows just how devoid the West is of their humanity. When someone is murdered, especially an innocent, I will obviously be outraged. When someone is bigoted, ESPECIALLY towards jewish and arab people right now, I will do everything in my power to combat that. I am so tired, however, of Israel-apologists claiming that anyone who sees this excessive and incredibly preventable slaughter of innocents is antisemitic. You cannot make one ethnic cleansing sound justifiable by referring to the one your ancestors suffered. As someone whose ancestors were in Nazi concentration camps (not for ethnicity reasons, though, I will clarify) on one side and a systemic, centuries long ethnic cleansing on the other, I would rather die than be on the side of history justifying the death of an entire people. I do not give a shit whether you think all Palestinians are “terrorists,” because people who survived their own mass murder campaign should fucking know better than to claim that. To call this a fight between “good and evil, order and the law of the jungle” is monstrous. Israeli officials confidently saying THAT and WORSE should ring the loudest of alarm bells! What do you need, in order to care?
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The Berry Nice Beachday
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Summary: The young ancients arrive in the Hollyberry Kingdom for a beach day!
Type: Fluff
(Excuse any spelling errors)
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The glorious morning sun beamed over the secluded Hollyberry kingdom. Its bright rays shone through the curtains of the forest’s dense thickets and into the windows of the last sleeping cookies. The majority of the kingdom has well and truly risen much before the sun, seeming to find it best to begin their days early to get more done. This is most likely why the Hollybery kingdom had the most export and supplies of all kingdoms. Added it was a chipper kingdom with vast resources, loving, caring, and hard-working cookies as well as a Queen who served them with as much love as they served her.
Currently, the final carriage arrived in the blessed jungle kingdom. Pure Vanilla cautiously found his footing as he stepped down from the carriage, thanking the driver as a few Hollyberrian guards moved the driver and steed to a different area. The young vanillian king turned, fixing his hat, and made his way into the main grounds of the monumental-sized castle. There were no large steeples or multi-colored sugar glass panes, no quiet mummer of calm voices as one wafting through the air. But maybe that’s why Pure Vanilla likes being at the Hollyberry kingdom so much, because it was so obscure to his own ruling that he found so much joy in exploring this unique kingdom. He looked up upon the large, pink-domed building, listening to the loud calls of Hollyberriens, and the soft drowning of babbling brooks. The study breeze that swayed his neatened bangs.
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 “My dear beloveds, I am thrilled you could all arrive!”
The pink-haired queen marched into to open-air, summer ballroom. Making her presence well known as her shoes hit the cool white tiles. Smiling giddily as she hurried to greet the others. She wore pink bathers with white and yellow accents adorning the edges, showing off her strong, sturdy figure. A silky purple, transparent shawl lay over her shoulders. A wide-brimmed, pie-lined hat, fastened with a pink ribbon on her head. Her taffy-coloured hair was in a beautiful braid that reached the middle of her back, leaves, and ribbons decorating the creases. In her arms, was an 8-month-old RoyalBerry. The child already had a full head of silky pink hair which curled out from under his hat. Chubby arms waved about eagerly as he batted about a dragon stuffy. The child wore a pink and white stripy swimsuit which was a size bigger than him, but adorable none of the less. His wide babbling smile squished his cheeks and made him squint with joy. He let out more baby gurgles before mindlessly hiding his face in his mother’s brawn.
The four arriving ancients hurried to hug the plus-sized woman, once reaching the mid-point the 5 mushed together in a tight grasp. Letting out a string of greetings as soft kisses were given to the pink queen. Then finally, all attention was on the most important child ever to bless their lives. Little baby RoyalBerry, the pride of the Hollyberry kingdom, the firstborn son to the beautiful Hollyberry, and the cutest little baby to ever be born. The pink-haired babe gurgled with joy as he was passed from ancient to ancient, each giving soft forehead kisses to the child.
Golden Cheese, White Lily, and Pure vanilla squabbled over who got to hold the sweet baby, Golden Cheese used her ability of flight to her advantage, pocking her tongue out to the duo below. Going on about how much smarter she was than the pair, that was before she got zapped in the ass and squawked in surprise and pain. White Lily chortled with laughter, casting another spell to snatch the pink-haired babe.
Dark Cacao made his way over to the pink-haired, resting a gloved hand on her shoulder.
“HollyBerry dear, how have you been fairing?” he asked, pulling the pinkette into another tight squeeze. In return she leaned her weight on the other, allowing the purple king to hold her in his arms. Her body thanked the king for the moment of relaxation. Having only just experienced 9 months of carrying her babe was a lot, but even after Royalberry’s birth, she was still on her feet. The pink queen wasn’t complaining though, it was her choice to bear a child, and this was just a part of the process. That’s not to say there were moments where she flat out would pass out from exhaustion.
“Oh I have been as well as I can get in times like these, a little tired, a little sore, but I will be fine” She smiled into his chest, moving her arms the sit just on his waist. Hollyberry moved away and started to lift the large metal crest that the man carried on his shoulders. Lifting the cape off of him to remove the weight and to try to cool him down. Being from the snowy planes of the northern ridges, Cacao didn’t do well in the Hollyberry kingdom’s hot humid heats. But even though he began to melt in the blistering summer rays, he still made time to visit Hollyberry no matter the season. His face was hot and bothered and Hollyberry could see the sweat roll down his forehead. She carfuly slipped away the layer of armour and fabric, the stoic king did not once resit. Normal he would protest on how he would rather die than remove such an important image, but the kings anger seemed dormant. Instead, he leaned into the surprisingly cold hands of the woman. Giving a slight smile once the weight and heat were removed from his body.  
Hollyberry stopped once she removed his gloves, assuming this was enough to keep him cool until the Queen got him into some bathers. Because there was no way in witches, she was going to let him sit under an umbrella and not step a foot into the water. If she had to; she would throw him in! He thanked her as he pressed another kiss to her forehead and right on time, the other 3 ancients returned with the baby. Lily having won the battle of the babe, squishing his chubby cheeks lightly and booping his nose.
“All right you sweaty bastards, let’s get you lot into sometime cooler and go swimming!” The Queen struck a sassy pose, looking at the others with stars in her eyes. The group only jittered with excitement as they followed the other through the long halls of the Hollyberry palace. The group finally ended up in the Queen mothers bedroom. Hollyberry made her way over to the walk-in closet and disappeared while the others waited for her return. Golden cheese snatched RoyalBerry from White Lilys grasp and toppled over onto the huge, marshmallow-like bed. The young prince giggled loud in response.
Pure Vanilla leaped onto the bed, struggling a bit to fight the waves of blankets that fought him off. Eventually, he made it to where Golden Cheese and White Lily had been engulfed by the large, pink covers. RoyalBerry was gurgling slightly, drool running down his cheek as he gawked at the three olders. The blonde haired king moved the place a delicate hand on the babe, running soft circles into Royalberry’s back.
Cacao then appeared from the sea of red and gave a soft smile, running an exposed hand over the sheets and to the happy baby. Royalberry slapped the chocolate king’s hand a few times before latching on and drooling over them. Chewing on the calloused fingers with not a thought in the world. A soft smile appeared on the stoics kings face, a kind of face that yeared the love of this baby. “He’s still got the baby fever ay!” Golden cheese remarked as she sniggered under her breath. The chocolate king snapped his head towards the avian queen with a very unimpressed look on his face. The kind of look you gave to an idiot who told you Earthbread was actually in the shape of a cookie, just more dramatized. But in Dark Cacaos’ eyes, he was looking at an idiot so the reason behind the look was supported. “Oh shut your yapper you glittery penguin” He snapped jokingly, grasping the pink haired baby, and pulling him into his lap. Earning whines from the others to return the babe to the middle.
The group stayed on the bed until the queen reappeared from the depth of the closet, multiple pairs of bathers folded in her arms.
“Now I got these custom-made, so they keep you comfy but cool” The Queen started, making her way towards the bed, and sitting down beside Golden cheese. Giving the avian queen a peck on the head. The golden-haired snapped up and grabbed the set of bathers clearly meant for her. Leaping off the bed and changing right there. The other 3 happily scooched over (pure vanilla and white Lily having to fight their way out of the bed sheets again) the queen handed them their respected bathers before they too went to change.
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“Woo Petals! Looking mighty nice there” Golden Cheese squawked from where she was. White Lily in return, threw her staff directly at avian queens face, bonking her right in the nose.
“And these bathers are super comfy, I might as well trade up my clothes for these” The golden-haired complimented the berry queen, leaping up and pressing a tender kiss against the other woman’s temples.
Golden Cheese had a simple top and bottom. Quite similar to her usual clothing but made from a strange but extremely comfy and waterproof material only made in the Hollyberry kingdom. As no other kingdom really went swimming let alone on a daily basis. The top was white in colour but with teal accents adorning the ruffles and sleeves. The bottoms were yellow and white, pant/skirt-like things. 
White Lily had a full-body suit with a skirt-like fabric over the pants. It was a stripy green and white outfit with sleeves that reach her elbows. White Lily was content with the bathers, finding them extremely comfy.
Pure Vanilla and Dark Cacao would have the same outfit if it weren't for the colour and a few minor things. Such as Pure Vanilla having a blue and white stripy set of baths
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The water was beautiful. Perfect temperature for a swim. Hollyberry raced down a side pier to a spot in the water she knew was deep and cannonballed in. She hit the bottom and felt around the sand before pushing her legs up and shooting up to the surface again. Splashing the group with water as she came up. They made it to the sandy shores where a picnic-like area had already been up. The berry queen hauled herself from the water, snorting some water out of her nose and sitting on the damper parts of the sand. Getting comfy under the suns bright rays. Pure Vanilla was the first to win the running race between him a golden cheese by some miraculous chance. Dark Cacao and White Lily came up behind the two as they squabbled. Dark Cacao still hot and bothered purfulously sweating but seemed better than he was before. White Lily was holding Royal Berry as the she quietly spoke in babble towards the baby. The two came down to sit under the shade of the umbrella.
The pinkette took a deep breath of fresh air.
“Royalberry’s first swim and I have this moment to share with my beloveds,” The queen thought happily. Taking pleasure from the warmth of the sun kissing her paled skin. She frowned at how pale she had gotten over the year, being away from the sun for some time did horrors to her skin tone. Her usually golden brown was somewhat more almond in colour, much paler than she liked. So today was a great day to regain her colours.
The queen was soon toppled out of her thoughts are three figures bombarded her. Dragging her into the water, laughing while doing so. She dived under the cool surface and escaped her offenders. Hollyberry surfaced, seeing Golden Cheese and White Lily in the middle of a water battle, poor pure Vanilla being caught right in the center with no means of defense. Hollyberry looked over to the beach again, Dark Cacao was under the shade, babe in hands. Completely smitten with the small creature.
The mother smiled warmly as she exited the water again and made it up towards the Cacao king. Curling up next to him as she stroked her son’s soft hair. 
“You know Cacao, today will be Royalberry’s first time in the lagoon” She smiled warmly as she ran her other hand over Dark Cacao’s back before running her fingers through the onyx hair. The Cacaoin king turned his eyes down to the woman, a look of surprise present.
“Would you like to take him into the water Cacao?” She asked politely, playing with the strands of hair mindlessly. Watching over both her son on Dark Cacao with steady eyes.
“I would love to” He began nervously “but...” He trailed off, looking down into the water where the other three were still play fighting. Golden Cheese and White Lily now ganging up on Pure Vanilla as the blond struggled to dive to the safety under the water. 
“But what?” Hollyberry asked, sitting up to face the other.
“What if I hurt him? What if I’m not careful and something happens to him!? What if-” Hollyberry pressed her finger to his lip which quietened the frantic king.
“But nothing, there is nothing you can do to hurt Royalberry, plus if you truly feel this scared, I will be right by your side the entire time!” She gave a warm smile which seemed to calm Dark Cacao down.
“Are you sure you don’t want to” He asked, Holly berry only chuckled.
“Dark Cacao cookie, Royalberry has had a lot of firsts. I want you to be the one with him when he has his first swim.” She placed her hands on his, then Royalberry slapped his hands down as well. Gurgling lights, speaking to himself.
“But aaaaaaah” He started up again, stuttering as he tried to think of an excuse for why he would be the worst candidate for the job.
“Wouldn’t Golden Cheese want to have the honors?” 
“Goli’s had her first, she got to have his first flight. Lily got to have his first crawl and nilla got his first laugh.” She rebutted with a smile.
“But if you don’t too, I can always make the others fight for the honor” She gave another cheeky grin, standing up and giving him a peck on the lips. That seemed to persuade the stoic king enough to make his way toward the water.
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Got a little lazy towards the end but eh, i hope you like it:)
Don’t use my work my work as your own, I will find you and destroy you.
Like/comment, reblog
Have a good day:)
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page-2-ids · 1 year
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New Coining Event!
Hello and welcome to Synth’s Coining Rockin’ Event (or the “cre coining event” for the sane), a coining event entirely centered around rock music! Everything from J-Rock, to grunge, to hair metal! Any and everyone is welcome to participate! The event is going to last from May 1st to June 15! 
There aren’t really any rules, just some stuff I’d like to say before we get to the prompts. Every day of the event has two prompts, in theory the first one is a more known song and the second less known and also similar/linked in some way, but I don’t know how good of a job I did at that. It’s totally cool to do both prompts or just one, going off actual relation, vibes, whatever works! I’d like to ask that no one does genders just related to the listed song or songs/albums, just so we can avoid recoinings, but everything else is up for grabs!
Everyone is free to do all days, just a couple, multiple prompts a day, whatever floats your boat!
If anyone is interested in some tags they could use to organize or find terms, I have some of those under the cut. With all that out of the way, here are the prompts!
May 1st: November Rain (Guns N’ Roses) // (Don’t Fear) The Reaper (Blue Oyster Cult) May 2nd: Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana) // Slither (Velvet Revolver) May 3rd: Dream On (Aerosmith) // Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door (any version) May 4th: Girls, Girls, Girls (Motley Crue) // Talk Dirty To Me (Poison) May 5th: Welcome to the Jungle (Guns N’ Roses) // Nightrain (Guns N’ Roses) May 6th: Every Rose Has Its Thorn (Poison) // Snuff (Slipknot) May 7th: I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing (Aerosmith) // I’d Die For You (Bon Jovi) May 8th: Livin’ On A Prayer (Bon Jovi) // Viva la Gloria! (Green Day) May 9th: You Give Love A Bad Name (Bon Jovi) // Shot Through The Heart (Bon Jovi) May 10th: Slippery When Wet (Bon Jovi) // 7800° Degrees Fahrenheit (Bon Jovi) May 11th: Dr. Feelgood (Motley Crue) // London Calling (The Clash) May 12th: American Idiot (Green Day) // 21st Century Breakdown (Green Day) May 13th: The Black Parade (My Chemical Romance) // Danger Days: The True Lives Of the Fabulous Killjoys (My Chemical Romance) May 14th: Comfortably Numb (Pink Floyd) // Give Me Novacaine (Green Day) May 15th: Numb (Linkin Park) // Shadow On the Sun (Audioslave) May 16th: Are We the Waiting (Green Day) // The Thin Ice (Pink Floyd) May 17th: Everlong (Foo Fighters) // She’s a Rebel (Green Day) May 18th: I Don’t Love You You (My Chemical Romance) // Don’t Cry (Guns N’ Roses) May 19th: Basketcase (Green Day) // Everyday is News (Shinsei Kamattechan) May 20th: Holiday (Green Day) // God Save the Queen (Sex Pistols) May 21st: Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen) // Homecoming (Green Day) May 22nd: Rock You Like a Hurricane (Scorpions) // Young Lust (Pink Floyd) May 23rd: Somebody Told Me (The Killers) // Michael (Franz Ferdinand) May 24th: The Sharpest Lives (My Chemical Romance) // Kickstart My Heart (Motley Crue) May 25th: In The End (Linkin Park) // Last Resort (Papa Roach) May 26th: Pour Some Sugar On Me (Def Leppard) // Cherry Pie (Warrant) May 27th: Here I Go Again (Whitesnake) // Street Of Dreams (Guns N’ Roses) May 28th: Should I Stay Or Should I Go (The Clash) // American Woman (Lenny Kravitz) May 29th: Shout At the Devil (Motley Crue) // The Hardest Part Is The Night (Bon Jovi) May 30th: Closer (Nine Inch Nails) // Wither (Tech N9ne, Corey Taylor) May 31st: I Love Rock N’ Roll (Joan Jett) // Mental Health(Bang Your Head) (Quiet Riot) June 1st: Master of Puppets (Metallica) // Under The Bridge (Red Hot Chili Peppers) June 2nd: Enter Sandman (Metallica) // Nightmare (Avenged Sevenfold) June 3rd: Toxicity (System Of A Down) // Carnivore (Body Count) June 4th: Nevermind (Nirvana) // Whatever (Adore Delano) June 5th: Sweet Child O’ Mine (Guns N’ Roses) // Born To Be My Baby (Bon Jovi) June 6th: Psychosocial (Slipknot) // Welcome to Horrorwood (Ice Nine Kills) June 7th: A Little Piece of Heaven (Avenged Sevenfold) // Enthrone (CHTHONIC) June 8th: Walk This Way (Aerosmith or Aerosmith, Run D.M.C.) // Bring The Noise (Public Enemy, Anthrax) June 9th: Rocket Man (Elton John) // Purple Haze (Jimi Hendrix) June 10th: Say It Ain’t So (Weezer) // Inside Out (Eve 6) June 11th: Letterbomb (Green Day) // Better (Guns N’ Roses) June 12th: I Write Sins Not Tragedies (Panic! At The Disco) // Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down (Fall Out Boy) June 13th: Combat Rock (The Clash) // Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols (The Sex Pistols) June 14th: Runaway Train (Soul Asylum) // Patience (Guns N’ Roses) June 15th: Dust N’ Bones (Guns N’ Roses) // Homebound Train (Bon Jovi)
For anyone interested, here are the tags I’ll be using to organize genders related to certain bands. No one has to use them, but I thought someone would be interested and I’m bored! Also, all of these terms have already been coined, by me or someone else, that’s why not everything has a tag
Guns N’ Roses - #nrosesgender
Bon Jovi - #bonjender // #bonjovigender
Motley Crue - #cruegender
Green Day - #greendaygender
Slipknot - #slipknotgender
Poison - #poisoningender
My Chemical Romance - #mychemancegender
The Clash - #clashgender
The Sex Pistols - #sextolgender // #sextolsgender
Avenged Sevenfold - #sevenfoldgender
Shinsei Kamattechan - #kamattegender
Red Hot Chili Peppers - #rhcpgender
Metallica - #metallicagender
Nirvana - #nirvanagender
Body Count - #bodycountgender
Linkin Park - #linkinian
Aerosmith - #aerosmithgender
Velvet Revolver - #velvolvergender
Quiet Riot - #quiotgender // #rietgender
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capucapo · 10 months
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(( continued from here. consider this an epilogue lollll. no dueling here, just a summary of it and then the aftermath. not super long !!! I promise!!
Seto Kaiba @blueeyesking , me as Noa, Mokuba, and the Yugis. Wyatt @seashaper , Hika @nameless-brand , and Pyre as Joey @redeyesandchilifries ))
[ Noa explains the Deck Master system, allows Seto to choose his and then shuffle. The rooftop arena falls away as volcanos rise from the void instead, an ocean of lava surrounding them, confining each Duelist to a small, stone platform as the cages containing their friends hang overhead
Noa also explains that he was born, that he was Created, weak and sickly. That Gouzaburo deemed him too frail to ever hope to run Kaiba Corp, had hidden him from the public eye out of shame.
As they Duel, that scenery changes with the cards that Noa plays. When he activates Giant Flood, a massive wave overtakes the field, washing away the lava as Noa babbles on about the Seven Days of Creation. A great ship rises from the tides, and Noa announces the arrival of his deck master, Shinato's Ark.
And Noa had vowed to prove his father wrong, to make him proud. He worked hard and studied hard and pushed himself hard to refute his place as heir.
From oceans to dense jungles and fields where dinosaurs roam, his Seven Turn prediction seems to liken the biblical legends to the more scientific phases of the Earth's natural history. Meteors rain from the sky, and the jungles freeze, ushering in the ice age.
So hard that his body finally gave out, just as Gouzaburo had finally seen some spark of potential in him.
As the ice age melts away to reveal lush, open fields of grass, Noa's confidence never wavers.
He explains the virtual system that his consciousness was transferred into. The virtual world that had been designed by the newly adopted heir of their company, as a final project of sorts to prove his own worth. A training simulator developed for the US Military, but Gouzaburo had found a different way to utilize its advanced technology.
The fields decay, turning to concrete below the Duelists' feet as Domino City rises up around them once more, Kaiba Corporation growing and towering behind Noa.
Noa explains that with his mind digitized, he was able to rapidly gain knowledge and information from both Gouzaburo's systems and the expanse of the internet. That he had run a million and a half simulations within his little world that showed how Kaiba Corporation could become the most powerful company on the planet-- it would only take a World War significantly reducing the planet's population! From there, he would rebuild as he alone saw fit. Ruling the new world as its God, as its Creator.*
Or its destroyer.
Even with all the assets that Seto had sunk into the ocean, Noa bets he could destroy the earth in, mmm 31 days.
He gets cocky though. For all his planning, for all of his deckmaster's ability to raise his lifepoints, to render the graveyards useless, Noa makes one tiny miscalculation.
He had anticipated Seto's Twin-Headed Thunder Dragon. After all, he'd summoned it against his own little brother. What he hadn't anticipated was the Dragon's Rage trap card, allowing Seto to inflict piercing damage with those hits. With nothing left in the graveyard, Noa suddenly finds himself losing control of the situation. But he puts his hand on his hip, smirking still as he looks up smugly through his thick eyelashes.
Until the second the attack hits, and his lifepoints drop to zero.
And finally, Noa's eyes go wide with the bitter realization.
He had hoped to use Mokuba at this exact moment. To summon up the baby brother at his beck and call, to stop Seto's attack in its place and buy him the time he needed to perfect his Creation strategy. But enraged by the betrayal, he had locked Mokuba up so tightly, even he would need to run the necessary processes to summon the teenage shield again. And even then, would it work?
That card's already been played.
Noa shakes with rage as his LifePoints hit zero. But his legs give way, as do the cages that hold the Kaibas' friends. He collapses to his knees, all his confidence and boasting shattered like glass ]
Rook
Rook didn't see the duel, or the shifting landscape around them. All they saw were the bars, the shouts of declared attacks drowned out by echoed screaming and burning pain. Shortly, they slide down the bars behind them to huddle on the floor of the cage, eyes fixed blankly on nothing as they sink into their helpless memories.
Seto takes the victory; the cage vanishes and Rook tumbles to the semi-real ground, the impact knocking them out of their trauma-trapped trance and making them gasp, hand reaching for their clasp again. The sorcerer blinks back into the moment at the seemingly positive outcome and shakily pulls to their feet, too dazed to taunt the villain and his loss, unfortunately, but looking around to make sure everyone is okay, or..at least not actively in danger, in Tristan's case.
Seto
Seto turns to see Mokuba's friends and Yugi's troupe fall, not even giving Noa the respect of facing him in his defeat. Noa knows the Kaiba family attitude toward Loss. He searches the sky for his brother, who surely also should have been released...
NOA
[ From where he kneels, broken, eyes wide in shock still, Noa begins to laugh. Some quiet, hollow, detached chuckle that builds and builds, until the fallen Kaiba is laughing hysterically, sitting back on his knees and head turned up to the sky. ]
Seto
Seto quickly snaps his attention back to Noa.
"What are you laughing at?!"
NOA
[ Noa's eyes fall to the side, staring at Seto with a manic smile, his head still thrown back.
"You might have beaten me... but... you still lose, Seto. You know what happens to losers in our family... But... there's only one way that I can truly die..... The countdown is already set. Do you really think... You can find Mokuba and a way out before this facility sinks? In only 25 minutes, Seto...?" ]
Seto
Seto's eyes narrow at Noa, and he bares his teeth, barely suppressing the urge to heel-stomp the blue-haired, arrogant child. He would be a child for the last 25 minutes of his life, and know he had lost... Seto doesn't need to stoop so low as to add true injury to this loss. But he still strongly considers it.
"Yes, I believe we can. You'll die here, Kaiba Noa- known by few, having left no mark on the world or your family's legacy. But we will live on and make it better than you could ever have dreamed... unless you had been anyone but Kaiba Gouzaburo's son."
Seto crosses the street to approach the Yugis, and stands calmly as their friends gather, before speaking.
"This boy doesn't have a creative script in his code; I'm certain he's keeping Mokuba in KC Tower still. Likely at the top, where he could force him to watch our Duel. Once we rescue Mokuba, he and I should be able to work with this old system to free us all, somehow; we'll work out the details when he's safe. Agreed?"
Yugi
Immediately upon being freed, the two Yugis had frantically occupied themselves with checking in on their friends. Yugi had gone to Rook, who had seemed especially distressed by the cages, and Levant and Téa who had landed nearby. While his Other Self had rushed to the side of Joey, Tristan, and Duke, where their cages had fallen on the opposide end of the arena.
But they both step away from the rest of their friends as Seto approaches, Yugi's sympathetic expression softening. The Other One gives him a respectful nod.*
"Agreed. I don't trust that Noa's out of tricks yet, we should all stay together and move quickly. Lead the way, Kaiba. The rest of us will support you however we can."
.
.
Mokuba
High above the scene below, somewhere in the towering Kaiba Corporation Headquarters, Mokuba sits alone on a concrete floor, in a dark stone dungeon. Chains restrict his wrists and ankles as he stares at the floor with an unfocused gaze.
He knows this prison. It's the same dark cell that Pegasus had trapped him in. But this time the iron cuffs fit a little too tightly, biting into his skin. The chains are a little too short, preventing him from moving more than a few inches, rather than the couple feet that Pegasus had granted him.
He had seen the Duel. Most of it, at least. Projected against the wall opposite where he sat in chains, Mokuba had watched, listened as Noa explained his origin to Seto.
When the video had first gone dark, it had filled the teenager with hope. Last he saw, Seto had made what he thought must be the final attack against Noa. He had cheered! But the metal cuffs didn't relent. Mokuba hadn't yet been freed.
And so all he could do was sit, and stare at the ground of his cell. Wondering, hoping, distressing, panicking. Accepting the worst.
Maybe Noa had won after all.
Maybe this is how he would die. Alone and cold, abandoned by both brothers and friends alike.
It's my fault, he thinks. It must be. If he were stronger, smarter, better. Maybe he wouldn't get kidnapped again. Seto must be so disappointed... If he's even still alive.
Mokuba wants to hug his knees to his chest, but the chains won't even give him that.
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ichiigotsukii · 11 months
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RULES: repost, don’t reblog. just pick a muse of yours and fill it out.
MUSE: Taemin
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— basics
▸ is your muse tall/short/average? 6’2″! 
▸ are they okay with their height? Honestly? He wouldn’t mind being even taller. But he’ll take what he has.
▸ what’s their hair like? Straight naturally. There is a bit of a wave to it depending on if he falls asleep with it still wet or damp (even though his trainer tells him not to).
▸ do they spend a lot of time on their hair/with their grooming? Definitely not. Any time he was in the media for an ad or something of that nature, a team did him up, but left to his own devices, it’s just running his fingers through it or using a comb.
▸ does your muse care about their appearance? He cares about his appearance more in working out and his muscle strength. In terms of clothing or something more in that vein, he lives in athletic wear so he definitely doesn’t care about being fashionable. Though! He is a little bit of a sneaker snob. If you’re wearing Converse, he WILL judge you.
▸ does your muse care about what others think about them? Again this is more as a competitor. He cares about his image in the MMA world, so having his name raked through the mud is something he won’t forgive, and he won’t stop until he destroys those who set him up. But in terms of if people don’t like him on a personal level? He doesn’t give a shit. He has a bit friendlier of a persona with media, but in all other aspects, he couldn’t care less.
— preferences
▸ indoors or outdoors? Outdoors ▸ rain or sunshine? Rain. ▸ forest or beach? Beach ▸ precious metals or gems? Precious metals ▸ flowers or perfumes? Uh....flowers if he has to choose ▸ personality or appearance? Strength....lol ▸ being alone or being in a crowd? Being alone ▸ order or anarchy? Order ▸ painful truths or white lies? Painful truth ▸ science or magic? Science ▸ peace or conflict? Conflict ▸ night or day? Day ▸ dusk or dawn? Dawn ▸ warmth or cold? Cold ▸ many acquaintances or a few close friends? A few close friends ▸ reading or playing a game? Playing a game
— questionnaire
▸ what are some of your muse’s bad habits? Brushing people off is a big one, especially when he’s offered help. Not learning how to cook even simple things. Leaving his dishes in the sink until they become a pile. Having one foot in the public eye while the other is in the darker underground. Getting his underwear dry cleaned.
▸ has your muse lost anyone close to them? how has it affected them? He lost his mother when he was 13 and it definitely made him more closed off and colder towards the world. She definitely babied him a little and was very warm with him, and after her passing, his father left him to do a lot of parenting of himself. His ironclad self discipline comes from being on his own a lot. It didn’t help that he can have a rather intense face, so making friends in school didn’t always come easy. He got in a lot of fights.
▸ what are some fond memories your muse has?
As much as he likes to bitch about some of the people in Jungle, Ozelot, it really is a found family for him. People depend on him, look up to him, and care about his well being, even when its tough love sometimes. 
▸ is it easy for your muse to kill? In terms of strength and ability? Definitely. But while fighting is his thing, and he gets riled up when there’s blood involved, he isn’t much into killing so he doesn’t. But he COULD.
▸ what’s it like when your muse breaks down? He....hasn’t really done that so it’s hard to say. If he really broke down then he there would probably be a flood of pent up feelings released, but he keeps those kinda of emotions under tight lock and key....that is then put in a box, locked up again, and thrown into an ocean where it can never be discovered. :) 
▸ is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life? Yes, he is NOW. Before Jungle, he definitely wasn’t. But now there is a select handful that he would trust his life to. 
▸ what’s your muse like when they’re in love? ............Secret. Softie. He’s a soft puppy on the inside when he’s alone with someone he loves. A bit of a shy boy. 
TAGGED BY: @ I did some of these awhile ago but I saw Kris bring it back so I nabbed it TAGGING: @ Anyone can say I tagged them! But I’m making @bottleofbabes​ do one for Darius! (And Dante if you don’t mind doing two)
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eukaryotesrool · 7 months
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Antelope
Alrighty, I'd like y'all to imagine an antelope, envision it, NOW.
Good? Then continue.
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(Antelope overload)
Did you imagine a hoofed animal? Perhaps in grassy Africa? Grazing? Perchance, like the charming fellows above?
Well, all of the above are antelope! So what is 'antelope'? A family? An order even? No, and no, though, its related to a family in that it is a collection of genuses, but it's what's called a wastebasket taxon.
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An antelope must be part of the family bovidae and NOT be a goat, sheep, or other cattle, the EXACT rules are a touch shaky because, well, antelope is (I believe) a polyphyletic grouping, meaning the group neither posses the common ancestor of all members of the group (which would be paraphyletic) or the common ancestor AND all descendents of that ancestor (which would be monophyletic, which makes something a true clade).
But there's still some meaning to the word, 91 entire species of antelope roam Africa, India, Central Asia, the Middle East, and even a small part of Eastern Europe.
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(Illustration from The History of Four-footed Beasts (1607))
In much of ye old Europe the antelope was strangely viewed as a mighty beast of prey, with horns of razor and the heart of a wolf.
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(Coat of arms of the Dule of Abercorn)
This design was used largely for heraldry, and still sticks around today, I think it looks neat.
Now, lets go over specific antelope, I've chosen based on very good reasons.
Best scientific name
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(A kob)
Some scientific names repeat themselves, such as Vulpes vulpes, those ones are easy to remember, some species names are used as a common name, such as Arcticitis binturong
Then you have...
THE KOBUS KOB, near perfection, the generic name is very similar to the species name, and the species name is also a major common name, tremendous bonus points because it sounds funny
Even more bonus points because there's a subspecies called the Kobus kob kob, perfection, no notes.
The littlest baby
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(So cute, squeeeee!)
The royal antelope, known scientifically as Neotragus pygmaeous, it's one of a large (unlike them, hehe) number of 'dwarf antelope' but the royal antelope is the littlest among them.
Standing up to 10 inches (25 cm) tall and weighing in at (at the upper end) 6.6 lb (3 kg), that footlong hotdog you had for lunch is longer than this lad is tall!
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(A wittle baby royal antelope)
Little is known about these jungle-dwelling cuties, they mysteriously wander hidden in foliage.
The weirdest
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(Such a silly guy!)
The saiga (Saiga tatarica) I mean, just look at him! This antelope lives mostly in Russia, making it an oddity in geographic location too!
Their strange downward curved nose is mysterious, and seems to serve many purposes, keeping warm, filtering out dust they inhale, and, of course, an amazing sense of smell!
They even communicate with loud nasally roars!
The most antelope-y
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(Such antelope, much cute)
Thomson's gazelle (Eudorcas thomaonii) will always be the masoct of antelopes, the true antelope, to me.
It's still exceptional though, the fourth fastest land animal, running up to 50-55 MPH (80-90 KM/H) cheetahs (the fastest land animal) are their main predator. They're also sometimes called tommies!
The biggest baby
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(They tall)
The fittingly names giant eland (Taurotragus derbianus)!
Standing between 7.19 and 9.55 feet (219 and 291 cm) tall, females weighing between 660 and 1320 pounds (300 a and 600 kg) and the larger males weighing from 880 up to 2650 pounds (400 to 1200 kg)!
My Favorite!
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Yes, that's the royal antelope, it was love at first sight, okay? They're perfect! The saiga and Thomson's gazelle are the runner ups.
The most threatened
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Sadly, there are several terribly threatened antelope, the hirola, or Beatragis hunteri is the worst off, considered critically endangered by the IUCN, there is only two levels worse than that, extinct in the wild, and truly extinct.
Less than 500 remain, none in captivity. Neither humanity nor nature have been too kind to this critter, hunting, habitat loss, disease and more have devestated this poor creature, the lowered elephant population causes bush enchroachment, harming the hirola, giving a good show of the domino effect of extinction, but its not all bad.
August twelth is hirola day! Human's have begun manually trimming brush, to keep the habitat of the hirola (and other species) in place, if they did go extinct it'd be the first time a mammalian genus has gone extinct in mainland Africa in modern human history, lets try not to lose the record we have going.
I have hope.
Sadly, the saiga is, yet again, a runner up, it too is critically endangered, along with other antelopes.
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The best books push the boundaries of your imagination and challenge your notions of what is possible.
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This is such a book.
I heard about it in a recent Lex Fridman interview with the author. The interview itself captivated me; even among adventurous types, what this young man has accomplished is exceptional. And since this book was published in 2014, he's done more. His life is so outside the box it makes you question why there's a box to begin with. A somewhat learning-disabled youth from New Jersey who never fit into traditional schooling drops out of high school to get his GED and start college early, stays at a remote research station in the Peruvian jungle learning everything he can about the Amazon rainforest in between semesters, devotes his life to conservation, catches anacondas, bonds with a baby anteater, marries a girl he met on a trip to India, and survives traveling alone into the deepest, darkest reaches of the unmarked, untrailed wilderness more than once... Everything about this guy is a giant "fuck you" to the rules.
I genuinely teared up throughout the book. The first part contains descriptions of the abundance of life in the rainforest that made me ask, multiple times, in complete seriousness, how there are people on this planet who don't believe in God. To learn what people have already destroyed in their ignorance of the interconnnectedness of the forest, how important every small species is to its functioning, is sobering. And yet the amount of wilderness that is still out there, and how much is undiscovered, or barely discovered, or still not understood by science, is mind-blowing.
Anyone interested in animals, forests, adventure, or just being inspired by someone who marches to the beat of his own drum, would love this book.
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innocentpeach777 · 2 years
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dragging!! venus in the signs pt 2
(i have such a migraine rn, you'll have to excuse how lazy this is!!!!!!!!!!! sorry you have to!!!!!! :p)
sagittarius - "dora dora dora the explora!!~ 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵" yeah, dora? YEAH??????? literally problematic. lowkey racist. major jungle and yellow fever. like, nobody cares, "dora". shut the fuck up.
frigid. doesn't fuck. incels. probably named fucking casey and are ugly and worship fucking artemis or something. psycho pagan bitches. will fuck you like crazy though once you finally get bored enough to actually lay them. bad lays. too crazy, and i fucking mean. will make ugly faces and climb on top of you like animal and squeal deranged sexual things in your ear in a high pitched alvin and the chipmunks voice then start fellating your ear in a wild fervent craze. probably into chastity. and pissing themselves at random. zoophiles. will want you to pretend to be black or like a fucking lion or some shit during sex. like foh.
wants to actually fuck a dog. like y'all whack fr. foh.
i fucking literally can't with sagittarius. go back to fucking second grade. headass. 🤮 -30/10 annoying af. like y'all give me a migraine 😩 😫 😒 😭 🙄 😒 like fr get out
for anyone who has been personally victimized by sagittarius, this goes out to you, my brothers in christ, below
you all my little nyc babies!! mwah!! 💋 💋 💋 💋 💋 x○x○x○
capricorn - incels. mentally deranged. the actual devil. like, will look at you like you... like aren't even there. like actually mentally unstable. will have sex with your daughter after eating your ass, the same day, in your house. will literally dump you for your daughter. cheaters. whole mess. but love them. oh! i have to. no matter how much i want to quit them.....
will literally BEG for sex!!! like a DOG!!! its O B S C E N E. like, get tf off my porch and hop tf out my dms, you fucking whole ass headass !!! grow a brain!!! you have no brain!!!! fucking actual dumbasses. morally bankrupt. actually.
ughghhhhhhgghhgggggh!!!!!!!!! HATE THEM!!! i wanna shit on their, like, toes!!! and make them sit like a good dog and chain them in my yard!!!!! and make them stop being bad! 👿 0/10 they are actually rabid. i feel like they'd bark at me and want me to call them a good dog during sex and pet their soft, sweet little heads.... like good little doggies... oh god! i hate them!!! i would pet them though and cuddle them if they sweet, nice little babies... cuties. usually cute.. 💋 🫂
aquarius - get off me !!! damn!!! I'll sit on your face later!!! but only if you sit on mine after that!!!! ... bc im an aquarius hehe teheeehe dehee ♡ ❤ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 ❤ 🧡
ok, but, to be real. they sweat a lot, and love to laze around and cuddle you, and they're usually down for whatever you're down for. so you can just pick them up and bring you with them like a sweet little kitty. they'll let you hold and cuddle them 4ever. like fr!! they're so sweet. they're actually extremely maternal(/paternal) and tend to be kind of a mommy 👩 😳 🙃
they love to smoke weed, and act like they were born on weed. smoking weed, playing video games, fucking, sleeping. they love to fuck. complete nymphomaniacs. will fuck on the first date. guaranteed.
they won't help you with anything though. they're selfish. they're like diamonds, like gods.. 💎 🔸️ 🔶️ 🔹️ 💠 🔷️ 💎 🔸️ 🔶️ 🔹️ 💠 🔷️ 💎 🔸️ 🔶️ 🔹️ 💠 🔷️ 💎 🔸️ 🔶️ 🔹️ they just wanna have fun!! and fuck you if you try to bring them down!! don't ever patronize them or try to force them to do anything. they hate being disrespected.
the golden rule: treat others how you would like to be treated.
that's all you gotta remember w aquarius, and they will surf on them mf booty waves from duck till dawn, and even be your xanny molly weed dealer :)) they love booty hairs. they also love to be dookied on just like scorpio 🦂 20/10 the best sign, god tier (they are obsessed w ass....... 😩)
pisces - foot fetish. won't stop touching your feet. piss freaks also. they're like litle creatures.... very sweet though. until you piss them off and they leave you on read for five months straight. you'll feel like you have bipolar interacting w them. on god. one minute you'll be thinking abt marrying them and two seconds later you'll be vividly fantasizing abt strangling them to literal death w your bare hands. literal monkeys. let them hang from a tree and feed them bananas. and your pee.
will drink themselves into an early grave. complete headasses. they are also completely aimless. wayward sons. 🙉 9/10 i love them
💅🏿
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pronker · 1 year
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Accents (G) Hogan's Heroes fic for Falling For Hogan's Heroes
Title: Accents Author: pronker Era: November 1944 Summary: Diva is as Diva does. Also, what if Manfredi and Johnson transferred to Stalag 17 from Stalag 13? A/N: Written for a theForceDAHTNET's challenge that matches tumblr's Fall For Hogan's Heroes 2022 Day 27 prompt: Lashing out/built up frustration, what are the odds? :)
"Uff da," moans Johnson.
“Non sei ancora pronto? Dai!“ growls Manfredi.
Rökk Marika is my name. The Germans say Marika Rökk. Ez nagyon állat. As long as I make UFA product to uplift the masses of the Third Reich and milk dear Herr Goebbels of tidbits of information, I take their deutschemarks as I dance to their tune. I have learned to accept much in ten years.
The dragon twitches its tail. Must I risk my manicure in this barbaric prison? There is no guard inside the Hall of Recreation per my demand, so I must.
"Stand still," I command. The two Americans inside the rubber dragon mumble something or other as I ascertain the site connection remains secure, tail to torso. "Do not squirm so. I shall tell you when to move." Ach, the bronze catch chips the Jungle Red paint on my left pinkie as I clinch it tighter. I play the diva as everyone expects.
"Tök rossz!" Manfredi and Johnson must hear me inside the dragon because I shout loud enough to awaken my baby; fortunately, Gaby remains at Hotel Hammelburg with Georg in our barely adequate family suite. He is so good with her. From habit, I trill my R's and rumble my umlauts to play up my Magyar accent. To listen to me would rouse the indigestion that plagues dear Georg at age sixty-two, yet I know Germans adore exotic touches as long as they are not too exotic.
A disturbance grows at the barred door while someone roasts the marshmallow-shaped guard. "Aw, come on, Schultz! We're all members of the Marika Rökk Fan Club. You've gotta let us in to get her autograph! Forget the rules for once!"
Mistrust gilds the gemütlich tones I've learned to recognize in two days' stay. "Colonel Hogan, please, it would mean my life!"
Skepticism silvers the other voice. "Your life, Schultz?"
"Well, maybe it would mean only my lunch, but that is still serious business."
A shrewd voice, its accent as familiar to me as the scent of paprika. "Schultzie, Schultzele, a petit four I made just this morning --- mmm, smell it --- oops the icing is still soft --- here, taste on my fingers --- "
"Das ist doch ja wunderbar and you saved this one just for me, only you would do this, how nice of you, cockroach --- "
Another voice, scratchy from cigarettes. "You love them so much, Schultzie, 'ere, take another."
"Very well, Colonel Hogan, twenty minutes, no more." I can hear lips smacking even through the door.
I have learned another thing in two days staging Ereleuva at Stalag 13: the door to the Hall of Recreation squeaks like an unrehearsed coloratura. After Schultz unbars the door to allow entry and then shuts it once more, a group of nationalities approaches.
Three Americans outnumber the rest, an intriguing Frenchman and an Englander, all in uniform except the Frenchman. I wonder why he is not.
Attitude leaks from the unquestioned leader, firm in voice, stride and manner. However, there lurks an artist's fire underneath. Dance? Music? Drama? "Madame Jacoby, our respects." There it is, step one of the code, which is the use of my formal name; it is common knowledge, yet an American could be excused for ignorance. I incline my head.
"You have the advantage of me," I purr as Manfredi and Johnson stir in their confining suit. Would they emerge to undo the latch as they greet their commander? They two may be taller than I am, but this is my rehearsal. I whip around to shrivel the one wearing the front part of the suit with a glare. Through the eye holes, I can see his gaze drop --- I am unsure if it is Manfredi or Johnson in the head of the suit --- and he retreats one step, bumping into the tail part of the suit to provoke a yowl from within.
The officer's decisive, unsmiling face relaxes into either a smirk or half-smile as he bows in the European fashion and indicates the rest of his group. "I'm Colonel Robert Hogan. I am senior officer of these men and head the Official Stalag 13 Rökk Marika Fan Club, where we eschew German customs regarding name order as much as we eschew saying Heil Hitler."
There it is, the second step of code recognition: the uncommon English word eschew, twice.
I am among friends.
IOIOIOIOIO
From ten feet away, the dragon stomps its clawed feet as it gurgles gibberish through the mesh-covered open mouth. In the weak light of the Hall of Recreation, its feldgrau scales tipped with gold paint lack our film crew's expert lighting to lend sparkling glamor and danger. As it stands, only the cerise spine crest head-to-tail brightens the rubber suit. Eh, Tail End straightens his spine to greet his comrades. I shall weep if the connection loosens again, but it does not.
"Cor, you two, wotta sight you are," chortles the Englander. The colonel focuses on me but the others surge to the dragon. The four men lean in closely to hear an account, I suppose, of what Manfredi and Johnson put up with helping me stage Ereleuva, a turgid, ambitious fifth entry to Wagner's Ring Cycle penned by Herr Goebbels himself.
Hogan allows one minute of reunion and then inclines his head wordlessly towards the door; the Englander and the American with springy hair drift to the entry after polite pleased to meet yous as they pass me. I note how they secure the area, one leaning casually against the door to block easy entry as the other engages him in conversation to provide covering background noise for Schultz's curious ear, if he thinks to eavesdrop. Obvious, is it not, that these soldiers team together as much as troupers in a successful, year long stage engagement?
The others clot around as I shoulder my way inside the tight group of the youngest appearing American, the Frenchman and the American colonel to play the sun while the three orbit me. Hmmm, the commander could be Mars, which would make the youngest a quicksilver Mercury and the Frenchman a languid Venus. I see now that the red sweater sports a discreet rank or unit patch on the shoulder, so French good taste triumphs over Kantian ideals of a uniform. I approve. Idle notions like these make my Georg consult my opinion about our films together. I wonder how the day proceeds with small Gaby and her loving pappa.
"Let us push on, because I must return to my husband at the hotel in two and a half hours. I must feed my seven month-old Kleine. She will be hungry."
"Can't your husband feed her? I mean, come on, it's not that hard." The youngest's face shows honest puzzlement.
This is too outrageous a comment to let pass. I put on the face I used in Woman of My Dreams, a triumph at the Axis powers' box office just this summer. Georg calls it my sly Marlene Dietrich face. "I can tell you from experience, that doesn't always work."
"Carter!" explodes Hogan. I feel certain this one does not blush often, yet now his ears burn a becoming shade of crimson. "Think about it."
Carter does. "Oh."
"We won't keep you long." The man becomes all business, so I must, as well.
I fish the slip of paper from the top of my stocking, just under the garter. "Here. I overheard this place name and the word 'soon' at a cast wrap party. The atmosphere at the smörgåsbord dripped with triumph between Goebbels and the others in line; I do not know more. You westerners have the information, and in two weeks our crew travels to Czech Revar to pass this name to the Russian contact. She intimates to me she has used you before."
Hogan's ears burn the uppermost hue of Hungary's tricolor once more and is that disgust or acceptance on the handsome face? "If it's who I think it is, used is the word, all right."
"I see," I say. He thinks, remembers, and then continues.
"How is Goebbels these days, gnädige Frau?"
I shrug. If time permits, I can banish his execrable German accent. "He promotes my work, but he is hard to like therefore I do not like him. I am an actress so I pretend to like him and this" --- I flourish the slip of paper before stuffing it into the colonel's grasp --- "rewards me and now you."
He secures the paper into his cap swiftly before his eyes widen as if my words register at last to spark protective instincts. "Don't take your baby to Czech Revar!" he bursts out. "I hear terrible things go on there --- "
"It is no Széchenyi Spa, true. Have you seen Czech Revar?"
"Well, no --- "
"I have and it is as pleasant a land as I have visited. Our crew goes to shoot backgrounds of the mountains for Ereleuva."
He pushes. "Aren't there enough mountains in Germany? Do you have to travel so far?" I recognize the signs of one well used to control. We do not have time for this.
"Kamerad, colonel, I give up. Ask Georg because he is my director in all things and the father of my child. He would not risk us."
"You are more trusting than the law allows," mutters Hogan before changing the subject. He removes his cap to peer at the name on the paper. "Losheim." His intense concentration and crinkled brow prods my memory of the cast party I viewed through a mist of schnapps.
"I, I think that Herr Goebbels said that a, a bold push comes through the Losheim gap."
IOIOIOIO
I sense there is little this colonel does not know despite his imprisonment, but Losheim puzzles him as much as it does me. He beckons to his second --- I think it is his second by the chevrons but I, too, am unsure in this moment and do not wish to show it --- and the second moves across to us while the Englander stays his solo post guarding the door. "Losheim Gap ring any bells, Kinch?"
The reply arrives quickly with becoming modesty. "Not really. London is worried about the Siegfried Line, though. A gap sounds dangerous to them and to us. Three hundred ninety miles of protection for the Krauts."
The dragon shifts uncomfortably and I spare the two men. "Sit, sit. Take the load off, as you say."
"Tanks," comes through the mesh loud enough for us to hear as the two crumple onto the floor, then roll onto their sides awkwardly to spare the suit.
"Tanks," repeats Hogan. "Artillery and tanks could pierce a gap from either side. This name needs to reach London pronto, Kinch."
I contribute what I can. "Westwall is what we --- I mean the Germans --- call the Siegfried Line. Have you seen the Westwall?"
"No, we flew over it. Have you seen it?"
"Not in person. It is said to be impenetrable."
"That's what we said about the Maginot Line," says the Frenchman softly. There is in his face embarrassment for his country, and grief for her, and resolve to do better; I feel the same precise way about my Hungary and the disgraceful Horthy who deserves whatever the Nazis charge him with.
Hogan appears not to notice my sympathy with the Frenchman. "We're stuck in Hürtgen Forest, a real quagmire," he grumps, hugging himself tighter. "If only Field Marshal Model hadn't jumped into bed with Adolf --- "
"Really?"
"Figure of speech, Carter."
"Oh."
Hogan seems at ease with speculating in front of me. "Since Normandy, the Krauts are on the run but they'll turn like anyone would if pushed against a wall. They'll fight like demons."
"They are demons," I say. "I have seen things that you have not, dear colonel." Ach, the dear just slipped out.
"Timepoint ten minutes in from twenty." This from Carter; I sense the man operates on science and mathematics or perhaps on another plane of existence from the rest of us mortals. It endears him to me.
I take command. "Our time is nearly up. I would like to speak with the one wearing the red sweater."
"Me? Nobody ever wants to talk to me!"
Hogan gestures permission absently, drawing aside to confer with his second about Losheim while Carter tags along. The five each display a thread of artistic talent to my professional eye, and I wish to ask an opinion as we two seek a corner. "What is your name?"
"Louis LeBeau, at your service." He is so courtly! I feel he was born that way.
"I am a dancer and a singer and der Führer wishes Georg to direct me in a heavy going drama about Ereleuva, of all people."
"Who?"
I ramble a bit, a fault of mine when I am passionate. "Der Führer approved Herr Goebbels' tiresome story of Ereleuva, the mother of Theodoric the Great of the Ostrogoths, who lives on in legend as Dietrich von Bern. She is a mother though perhaps not a wife, she is true to her faith and she will fight a dragon in the story to protect her country, can you believe it?" I want to pace, but I calm myself deliberately. "Why not pick her daughter, Amalafrida, who led a revolt, or the daughter of Amalafrida, Amalaberga, who also attempted a coup? Why not Ingund or Aregund, sisters who practiced polygamy with King Chlothar, whom you may know as King Clotaire?"
He shakes his head as his eyes begin to cross. "I only sing and dance a little in revues. European history, pah." I laugh.
"Herr Goebbels told Georg to 'make her the typical, strong Teutonic queen, brave in battle, efficient in family matters and of course beautiful.'" I shrug. "Herr Goebbels realizes Der Führer adores Germanic history and likely will censor whatever he disapproves of, so Georg and I must toe the line in this film. Ereleuva will uplift the masses."
"Is that what you want to do?"
I meet his gaze firmly. "I must, even if Wagner pirouettes in his grave. I will dance, sing and primp in another film, if there is one." This next is difficult to say, though I feel his mind is open, at least. "Do you think I can play a queen?"
"Indubitably, madame." He again lifts my hand for a kiss.
"So, we owe you one. What can we do to help you?" Hogan approaches more quietly than I would think. Louis and I both jump a little.
This question is easy to answer. "Pretend to attack me. Critique the movements of the dragon." I wink at them all. "Play with me to make the scene less serious, less, less … um … "
"Less Boche." Louis blocks the action. "Everyone, get up on the stage. Stage left, Manfredi and Johnson, middle shall be Madame, and you four stage right. Vite, vite! Carter, the time?"
"Huh? Oh, right, five minutes, tops."
"Then, I think, mmmm, Madame in profile with an imaginary sword, and you four show your backs to the audience. You will support Madame."
They complain as all soldiers do. "Not me best side, mate." "Can the dragon breathe real fire to burn us?" "LeBeau, don't let directing go to your head."
This will be the most fun I've yet had in Stalag 13. I seize a ping pong paddle before mounting the stage. "I have an idea to blend capoeira with the usual boring swordplay! Let me show you."
"Very well, use it, whatever capoeira is." Louis speaks loudly to be heard through the rubber suit. "Manfredi and Johnson, on your toes, menace Madame. Everyone else, go with the flow." He vents to his comrades. "Move, shift your weight, don't just stand there! Pretend you have swords!"
Manfredi and Johnson roar, claw the air --- well, Manfredi does because I believe now the head end to be him --- while Johnson sweeps the tail end. As the dragon draws near, I swirl the paddle over my head to catch the attention of the beast before rocking back and forth on my feet. The dragon halts in surprise as I stand on my hands before launching a backwards somersault flowing into a muted kick at the dragon's teeth. I misjudge the distance a mere trifle as the kick lands on Manfredi's throat. He staggers sideways, pulling Johnson with him until they sway like two pendulums. The joint between tail and torso gives way and I groan, "Tűnj az utamból!"
I roll forward like a bocce ball towards the dragon to control the damage to the expensive suit, but the acting bug seems to have bitten the three Americans and the Englander. There, I'm between Manfredi and Johnson now, who regard the suit sadly as they sit splayed upon the wooden floor. "You had to do it, Manfredi, just had to ruin the dragon, and after all the time we spent in it."
Manfredi appears unable to speak and waves his hands instead. Johnson looks to take offense at the gestures after he removes the dragon's head from Manfredi. "You can't call me that and get away with it."
Louis shouts, "In character, in character! Keep it moving, only a minute or two before Schultz --- "
Hogan, Carter and the Englander drop the act as my support warriors while helping me to my feet, as if I need any help. Manfredi massages his throat, I start to apologize and then Johnson takes a swing at Manfredi. Is Johnson a Berserker?
"Hold it, hold it!" reprimands Hogan as he attempts to make peace. The Englander clutches Johnson's arms from behind, I admonish, "Hagyd abba!" and Louis joins us on stage. Perhaps Johnson is a Viking Berserker because he kicks at Manfredi, who dodges backwards to stumble into Hogan, who sways into Carter, who bumps Kinch who staggers into me and we all go down in a heap while a dark object sails past me down onto the floor.
Louis crosses his arms and shakes his head as he peers down at us. "Incroyable." This must not happen when film is in the camera. It is good to get this contretemps out of the way early. In our daze, none of us react to a squeak and then bang! of a door slamming against its jamb as another person enters the Hall of Recreation.
"Himmel," breathes Schultz. "Himmel." He stoops to retrieve Hogan's cap. "Here, Colonel Hogan, oh too bad, it is crushed. I straighten it for you."
Louis is best suited for what must happen. He makes a startling jeté off the stage to the floor and snatches the cap. "Schultz, merci."
The Englander finds his voice even though sprawled out. "A bit o' blockin', Schultzie, and good as new, I say."
Kinch gains his feet to lift Hogan and me to ours. I should like to know these men better, but now it is time to gather up props and script, bow in gratitude to them all, and change into street clothes from jaunty mid-thigh skirt and stretchy pullover. "Please call my car, Sergeant, while I make ready to leave. This scene needs a rewrite."
Schultz clicks his heels and departs.
IOIOIOIOIO
The End.
IOIOIOIOIO
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