deadcactuswalking

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 20/04/2024 (Sabrina Carpenter, Dua Lipa, Perrie Edwards)

Hozier sticks to a second week at #1 on the UK Singles Chart with “Too Sweet” and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we actually have a bit of a massacre so we must bid adieu to: “7 Minute Drill” by J. Cole (that one we literally say farewell to, it’s been deleted), “Cinderella” by Future and Metro Boomin featuring Travis Scott, “Make You Mine” by Madison Beer, “CARNIVAL” by Hitler and Goebbels featuring Rich the Kid and Playboi Carti, “Made for Me” by Muni Long, “bye” and “yes, and?” by Ariana Grande, “Would You (go to bed with me?)” by Campbell and Alcemist, assisted by a remix with Caity Baser, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong, yes, really, “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift and finally, even though we all know it’ll be back, “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers.

It actually turns out that the most interesting stories here outside of the top 10 and new tracks… are the returning entries, because there are quite a few, they’re quite high and also quite - at least tangentially - related to a cultural event. Firstly, we have the release of a biopic revolving around the late singer Amy Winehouse who has captivated audiences long after death and the recent release of Back to Black, as well as its soundtrack, mostly a compilation of Winehouse’s songs and her influences, has propelled the studio album of the same name to #22 on the album chart whilst giving some of her legacy catalogue a solid boost. The song of the same name, “Back to Black”, had several initial runs from 2007 to 2008, peaking at “only” #25, but returned with stride after her passing to find a new peak of #8 in 2011. At #1 that week was “She Makes Me Wanna” by JLS featuring Dev. The charts don’t always reflect what music actually stands the test of time, let’s just say that. Today, it’s at #51. An even more storied chart run comes in at #44 with “Valerie” by Mark Ronson featuring Amy Winehouse. Ronson’s version largely eclipsed the original Zutons version released the year before. The Liverpool indie rock outfit peaked at #9 with their version, whilst Nelly Furtado’s “Maneater” topped the charts, but by the time Ronson and Winehouse came along, the chart was instead reigned by Sugababes with “About You Now”, which halted “Valerie” from hitting #1. Similarly to “Back to Black”, it did return to the chart after her passing though not very high, so I assume that it must have some degree of prominence in the biopic, I’ve yet to see it.

As for our two other re-entries, they somehow have even more chart history dragged into them, so bear with me. Paul Simon wrote “The Sound of Silence” and recorded the track as a member of Simon & Garfunkel in 1964, and despite this being the most prominent and successful version, hitting #1 Stateside, it somehow never once appeared on the UK Singles Chart in any form until long after, specifically in 1966 when an Irish pop group The Bachelors covered it, basically taking any steam off of the original by peaking at #3. The Spencer Davis Group’s “Somebody Help Me” was #1 at the time. It wouldn’t appear on the charts again until damn near half a century later in 2012, when viral acoustic singer Kina Grannis took it to #93. However, and I really wish I couldn’t say this, the most successful cover may be from nu metal band Disturbed, who reached mainstream success worldwide by covering the track in 2016, by then it had been thoroughly memed to death as well as being a long-term pop staple, yet it still worked. Their mediocre version peaked at #29 and now it’s back at #47 because of an inexplicable, practically unlistenable house remix by Australian DJ CYRIL that Paul Simon could probably sue for murder. I didn’t like the Disturbed version, but this is a new level of groanworthy.

As for our final re-entry, we should look towards the album charts, wherein Oasis’ 1994 debut Definitely Maybe is actually down a full positions, lower than other Oasis albums. The irony in that is that it’s the iconic Britpop band’s 20th anniversary this past week, with them releasing special physical editions of their debut single “Supersonic” to mark the occasion. It never really peaked that high to begin with, only at #31, but it did stick around and return for several runs for basically most of the 1990s, only to return once again this week as our highest re-entry at #42.

The gains are a lot less interesting but there are still a handful of notable boosts, namely “Jump” by Tyla, Gunna and Skillibeng up to #38, “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan at #33, “I Don’t Wanna Wait” by David Guetta and OneRepublic at #25 (Jesus Christ), and finally, “Hell n Back” by Bakar nearing its old peak at #21.

This week, our top five on the UK Singles Chart consists of: “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” by Beyoncé holding at #5, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims floating at #4, “i like the way you kiss me” by Artemas smooching its way up to #3, Benjamin of Boontown is at #2 with “Beautiful Things” and of course, Hozier still at #1. Now, there’s actually quite a lot to discuss in our new entries, despite the fact that Taylor is still a week away yet, in fact this might end up the more interesting week because no-one is dropping the same day as her. So let’s review them, shall we?

New Entries

#49 - “We Still Don’t Trust You” - Future and Metro Boomin featuring The Weeknd

Produced by Metro Boomin, Peter Lee Johnson and MIKE DEAN

Yup, all of our new entries are within the top 50 this week, and most of them well into the highest reaches of the chart. Given Taylor only has three songs coming next week, I’m pretty excited for a from-the-top shake-up that won’t be immediately torn down… at least until the temporary Eurovision blockade, but we’ll deal with that when it comes to it. For now, I had only heard one of the songs debuting this week before today, and it was this one, the intro and title track to the second of the Future-Metro collaboration tapes, which debuted at #11 on the albums chart this week. Not every track hits on this second album, but if you remember what I thought about the first album, you’d recall I preferred the hazier, more melodically-focused pop-trap that was prevalent through the middle section, and this new record is essentially an extended version of just that with a triumphant victory lap full of bangers on the back-half bonus disc to balance things out. Future is a lot more emotive, Metro is delivering beautiful cloudy soundscapes, and the hooks are catchier than ever, though it’s not nearly as immediate so I understand that it performed less successfully even if it is a damn shame. It also means we only have the first track here, which is barely even a song ultimately, more so an extended, hallucinatory introduction blending punchy synthpop drums with garbled psuedo-hooks about freaky girls from Future, a looming falsetto from The Weeknd over a borderline nu-disco groove and semi-verses that don’t really form into a complete song. In the album context, this is a brilliant introduction to where the album will take you: a late-night drive taking your mind off “the hoes” so to speak. As a charting single by itself, it’s honestly just weird. Other than being the intro to an album most people I imagine didn’t finish all the way through, I don’t understand why “All to Myself” didn’t take this one’s place. I guess it didn’t have the video treatment but regardless, weird single to push, even if it’s a great moment.

#46 - “KiKi (What Would Drizzy Say?)” - D-Block Europe

Produced by Eight8, Harry Beech and Ari Beats

Well, Drake’s in the news thanks to all the dissing back and forth so being the young brilliant entrepreneurs they are, DBE pushed out a song with him in the title, in a vague reference to Drake’s own “What Would Pluto Do” but a much less vague, openly cheap interpolation of Drake’s “In My Feelings”, and the chart history did not stop with our re-entries as if there’s a coherent theme with some of these new tracks, it’s egregious referencing. “In My Feelings” samples a plethora of tracks in the first place, but none as explicitly as DBE have riffed from it here. The original spent four weeks at #1, but I don’t see Young Adz’s nasal auto-croon rendition getting any higher than #46. I actually feel kind of relieved with this because this is back to the stupid, barely functioning DBE of old (and by old, I mean the late 2010s), with a terrible bass mastering job, overly loud flutes that nearly drown out Adz himself attempting to sing his way out of his lack of content, in the same melody as Drake’s chorus until he just starts talking instead midway through. Some of the 2020s improvements are actually present here though; Youthful Advertisements has much tighter rhyme schemes once he actually starts rapping, and they aren’t as audibly out of tune or beat with everything else as they probably would be if they tried this out when the original was big. He also puts a shell in his back like he’s a turtle, tells the girl to close her mouth and leads into Dirtbike Lb’s small contribution, a brief, half-dead and wordy verse that still washes Adz: this is what I’ve come to expect from the duo. There’s not much of an attempt at wordplay but cool turns of phrase that kind of imply he thinks Hermés is the name of the crocodile they killed to make the bag and not just the brand name… they’re good enough. This is good fun.

#41 - “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” - Shaboozey

Produced by Nevin and Sean Cook

Okay, if we’re going to sample egregiously, this is how we do it: not trying to play it off as a completely new song but not serving in the exact same lane and purpose as the original. Instead, let’s make unabashed re-recordings and reimaginings that don’t necessarily modernise or improve the song, and don’t set out to, instead crafting a different experience from the same fundamentals. Now I don’t like the original 2004 track “Tipsy” by J-Kwon mostly because of, well, J-Kwon being useless, but there’s a great hook to it, especially the radio edit, and the beat making up nearly entirely of weird sound effects over a distorted clap sample is pretty clever. The original “Tipsy” peaked at #4 for two weeks, whilst “Lola’s Theme” by the Shapeshifters was #1, and later The Streets’ “Dry Your Eyes”. Shaboozey, a singer featured on Beyoncé’s latest pivot, has taken advantage of that extra traction to completely reimagine the chorus of “Tipsy” and its general conceit of having fun at a gathering to take your mind off problems, especially with girls… but there’s a lot of depth added through the extra populist twist thanks to the financial troubles referenced in the verses, and some particularly really smart intricacies like turning the counting gimmick into counting the rounds of drinks at the bar. He recontextualises a basically meaningless gimmick into something that is a lot more resonant, and that’s really special. Sonically, it feels like a bit more organic stomp-clap soarer, and isn’t really all that special, but the inspired interpolation of “Tipsy”, alongside some great strings in the post-chorus, makes this what it is, and it doesn’t run out of tricks. The shift to a rap flow in the second verse to continue the momentum is brilliant, the spoken backing vocals amidst the multi-tracked crowd hook, which I almost wish was even louder, is a fun idea… and that’s before that final chorus where it breaks down and becomes a true drink-a-long. Sure, this may be a reimagined version of a song I don’t like really at all, but it goes far beyond just that and creates a new experience not just as a cover but as a separate entity entirely that embraces and benefits from its referencing. This is how you do sampling in pop, it’s excellent. I hope this is a smash.

#35 - “These Words” - Badger and Natasha Bedingfield

Produced by Badger

Alright, once again, we have a sample, this time with Natasha Bedingfield’s “These Words”, that other song you might remember from the album that parents “Unwritten”. What you may not remember is that whilst this hasn’t had nearly as much longevity as the title track, it actually peaked much higher, debuting at #1 and topping the charts for two weeks in 2004. This is in spite of it being complete garbage. I like meta narratives in pop music when done well and outside of its camp, it can be genuinely difficult to get through the jerky, dated production and somewhat embarrassing performance, especially lyrically, from Bedingfield. I understand the appeal, and the writing isn’t really a deal-breaker usually, but it’s especially striking to me when the actual music behind her quest to find the best words for her love song… just plainly sucks. Come 2024 and enter UK garage producer Badger, who remixes the track, crediting Bedingfield on streaming but for whatever reason not on the Official Charts page, and I have to say, completely stripping this catchy hook outside of its tedious context is another inspired reimagining, mostly because it turns the “I love you, I love you” refrain into a muffled, glitchy funfest over some of the most detailed, hyperactive 2-step drums I’ve heard on the charts in a while, alongside a hazier synthscape that really shines against the rawer vocal from Bedingfield. Once again, modern artists turn a song from the 2000s I never really liked into a completely different experience, in this case completely removing you from Bedingfield’s narrative to fully envelop you in the euphoric end goal she hints towards in the original. Hope this takes off too.

#31 - “Tell Ur Girlfriend” - Lay Bankz

Produced by Johnny Goldstein

Speaking of taking off, it seems we finally have the inevitable breakout single for Lay Bankz. I’ve been paying attention to her casual flexing and dismissal of pretty much anything else over firy, fast-paced Philly club bangers for a while now, probably since I discovered “Na Na Na”, and it did seem like TikTok would grant her an easy hit any moment now. She finally got it with “Tell Ur Girlfriend” and here, if you don’t remember the specific production elements of its original material, you might not recognise this has yet another interpolation. I wasn’t a fan of Ginuwine’s 1996 track “Pony” for a long time because I felt its dissonance harmed its ability to be a sex jam but… let’s be real, rarely do sex jams actually succeed without being in some way disruptive due to awkward lyrics or stagnant beats. Once I learned to shut up and appreciate Timbaland’s vocoder burping that calls itself a bassline, all was right in my world. It peaked at #16 over here in 1997 and did have a shelf life extending to an EDM remix peaking at #39 in 2015. Bankz and Goldstein don’t really make much use of “Pony”’s fundamentals rhythm or melody-wise, outside of that out of place vocoder burp that is repurposed as a measure-demarcating stab over a comically jerky, sing-songy synth that slows down the pace enough for a 2-step-influenced 2000s throwback, Destiny’s Child-esque, not to rap but closer to R&B. Bankz surprises me to a degree with just how effortlessly she swaps between faster jabs to the smooth choruses, and it almost makes me forget that this is a song about mutual cheating. Does it justify that? No. And who cares? They’re having toxic fun over the Ginuwine “Pony” vocal burp and some of the ugliest synths to hit the top 40 in years, this is not morally righteous in any regard. It’s just pure, sweaty, regretful fun and does not waste any of its two-minute runtime trying to justify itself, and given this whole song is a sarcastic power move about how they should probably tell their partners they’re sleeping with each other, I don’t think she cares in the slightest.

#10 - “Forget About Us” - Perrie

Produced by Steve Solomon and Andrew Goldstein

Okay, the samplefest ended up going pretty fantastically, so I have some hopes for the trio of pop girlies we have lined up all debuting in the top 10, starting with the solo debut from Perrie Edwards of the former girl group Little Mix. She’s always been one of the most prominent vocal talents in the group, so regardless of if the song actually works, there’s going to be power here, and that’s guaranteed, even with an Ed Sheeran writing credit and a compressed to Hell and back mix. In this soarer, Perrie’s ex has become a successful singer after the breakup and Perrie is begging for them to never forget about what they lost in the relationship, especially given how neither seem all that over this relationship and its fallout. There’s a propelling pop rock drive to this, even if the lack of electric grit may harm it a tad, not letting it get into truly bitter territory… which might actually be for the best. Ms. Edwards sounds great belting here but there is a level of restraint in all the acoustic swell that might sing closer to the desperate content, acknowledging the flaws in the relationship and that it is over, but that it should, please, stick to them as a memory. A less kind approach may have flattened its overall sincerity, so even if sonically, I’m not over the Moon about this, I can recognise that this is a tightly-written, excellently performed little pop rock jam that will serve as a good introduction to the solo career. I just want to hear where it goes next.

#9 - “Illusion” - Dua Lipa

Produced by Kevin Parker and Danny L Harle

Okay, Dua, let’s be straightforward. Mixing PC Music’s wildcard Danny L Harle with Tame Impala should lead to much more interesting music than what we’ve heard from Radical Optimism - a disgraceful album title - so far, and I won’t lie and say what has been put out post-”Houdini” hasn’t been somewhat disappointing. I was hoping that “Illusion” could take a bit of a different step, tap into some less recognisable territory for Dua, and whilst it may not have done that exactly, it’s definitely much more interesting. Harle and Parker go for a much tighter house groove here, with elevated pianos, chips of percussion that end up much more minimal under the looming vocal loops and progressive electronic synth beeping, maybe much less impactful than you’d expect. So where’s that in the content? Well, Dua sings about disappointment, playing off a façade placed up by this guy who’s just not impressing her at all, as she’s growing up from just being reckless with her lovers. It’s in the same vein as “Training Season” but with a more unique and honestly more fitting soundscape for that kind of romantic disillusionment, especially given a major conceit of the bridge is that she’s still going to dance all night with that illusion, she still gives in despite her best interests. It also has a ridiculous synth solo slabbed right in for no reason. Genius. Inspiring.

#6 - “Espresso” - Sabrina Carpenter

Produced by Julian Bunetta

I really have not been going into Sabrina Carpenter singles that chart with high expectations or really any expectation that I’ll enjoy it, and she keeps proving me wrong, but not in the way that say Dua just did. No, Ms. Carpenter shares more in common with D-Block Europe in that the appeal, at least for me, comes in the lack of subtlety and disregard for functioning outside of existing pop tropes, whilst still thoroughly embarrassing her public image, cycling around enough for me to be unironically on board. Like “Nonsense” was a plain rip-off that ended up surviving beyond the genuine article on comedy alone, and “Feather” is as light as possible, no pun intended, yet still pinches at you with its infestation of hooks, “Espresso” is emphatically stupid. “Switch it up like Nintendo”? “My give-a-fucks are on vacation”? “I know I Mountain Dew it for ya”? “MOUNTAIN DEW IT FOR YA”? It reminds me all too much of Selena Gomez’s nu-disco embarrassment “Love On”, but instead of selling the cringe with sheer forcefulness, which did surprisingly work for the incredibly limited vocalist Selena is, Sabrina plays the guitar licks and downright invasive pre-chorus synths off with utter, robotic dismissal. Sure, there’s vocal riffing and harmonising, but the main vocal line in the chorus is a multi-tracked, reverb-drenched, Melodyne-controlled nursery rhyme, and it doesn’t escape that lane for nearly all of its three minutes. There are spoken word interludes where she acknowledges the stupidity of the song and its content, but it’s always breezy and lacking in the cringe that would come with it if she cared much at all. The deadpan “Yes” ad-libs in the pre-chorus, and the detail put into the production, are what really sell this to me though. It’s orchestrated to make it seem like she doesn’t care, but there is an entire team twisting the knobs to turn that faux carelessness to a seamless radio edit… and well, they need a raise. She’s done it again. This is ridiculous.

Conclusion

She doesn’t get the Best of the Week though because that, far and above, goes to Shaboozey for “A Bar Song (Tipsy)”, and the Honourable Mention… well, I can’t give out a Worst of the Week at all here. Or even a Dishonourable Mention. Sure, Perrie’s song is a bit generic and maybe my enjoyment of the DBE track is purely for the comedy factor, but I still thoroughly enjoyed my time with them, so I’m just going to tie the Honourable Mention between “These Words” by Badger and well, “Espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter, which is shaping up to thankfully be huge. As for what’s on the horizon… Taylor Swift and Drake. It’s back to the big leagues in the next episode but for now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #future #metro boomin #the weeknd #sabrina carpenter #dua lipa #natasha bedingfield #badger #shaboozey #perrie edwards #lay bankz #d-block europe

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13/04/2024 (J. Cole's Might Delete Later, David Guetta/OneRepublic)

Hozier’s “Take Me to Church” peaked at #2 for four weeks. The first week, “Uptown Funk!” blocked it, but for the most part, it was halted by Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do”. This week, just under a decade later, Hozier can finally claim his UK #1 as “Too Sweet” lands its first week at the top, skipping straight up from #4 last week. I’m personally not complaining as it’s a great song, but I will be complaining because under it, we have J. Cole. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, those being songs exiting the UK Top 75 (which is what I cover!) after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we bid farewell to: “exes” by Tate McRae, “I Remember Everything” by Zach Bryan featuring Kacey Musgraves, “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo, “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus and some long-term bottom-feeders like “Someone You Loved” and “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac. Like much of everything else this week, it’s a bit of a mixed bag.

We only have one returning entry, but it’s pretty interesting and surprisingly high: Thanks to the specific surge of TikTok traction to a Summer Walker remix, “Hell n Back” by Bakar, which peaked at #20 just last year, is back for another run at #26, already nearing its peak position that I honestly expect it to surpass soon enough. As for the gains, we see healthy boosts for “We Ain’t Here for Long” by Nathan Dawe at #49, “Worth It.” by RAYE at #46, “Jump” by Tyla, Gunna and Skillibeng at #43, “if u think i’m pretty” by Artemas at #39, “Saturn” by SZA at #30, “Happier” by The Blessed Madonna and Clementine Douglas at #21, “Back on 74” by Jungle at #19 - really glad this is still at it - “Belong Together” by Mark Ambor at #14 and finally, of all hits, “Austin” by Dasha finds its place in the top 10 at #8. Maybe this is a fluke, or maybe Dasha is a pop star in the making. I guess time will tell.

As for our top five, we start with… Artemas, joy, and “i like the way you kiss me” at #5, then the usual suspects: “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #4, “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” by Beyoncé back to down to #3, Bentley Boonemobile with “Beautiful Things” at #2 and of course, Hozier at the very top. Now for whatever debuted on the rest of this chart this week… trust me, it’s mostly not very good.

New Entries

#67 - “Cry” - Benson Boone

Produced by Malay

Bento Box’s debut album with a name stupider than the nicknames I give him on this show debuted surprisingly low at #16 - that’s lower than Feeder, man. And I like Feeder. Regardless, I did like those two singles, I have yet to hear the record, but I’m sure there’s some good on it, and I’m happy to say that this would be included in that. Now why is pretty simple, it starts with a melancholy ballad produced by Frank Ocean’s go-to, Malay, but that doesn’t last long as it’s scrapped for a more propelling pop rock chug. The lyrics go from woe-is-me to bitter and toxic bitching about his ex, in icky falsetto deliveries only accentuated by an ugly, distorted vocal chop that does not fit at all. There’s an obvious vocal glitch that was kept in and doesn’t sound intentional in the first verse, but it adds to the genuinely infuriating song full of straining and one-note riffing, as well as a second fake-out with him briefly trying to see her perspective. The song’s ugly, it doesn’t flow and it makes me hate the guy singing it, but that seems to be the intention, with which it completely succeeds. Three-for-three, Ben 10, keep it up. I wish you were comfortable with swearing though, it would hit a little better… I know, that’s rich coming from me.

#64 - “Good Luck, Babe!” - Chappell Roan

Produced by Dan Nigro

With Olivia Rodrigo’s producer and some sleeper traction for her debut album from last year, Missouri singer Chappell Roan seems primed for a big 2024 breakout, especially since she’s on tour with O-Rod. Her last album was a bit of a queer concept record and this seems to be following in similar footsteps, being about compulsory heterosexuality, feeling like you are conformed into heteronormative behaviours despite being queer. It details a secret relationship wherein love cannot be fully reciprocated due to that circumstance, and it’s treated tastefully with enough drama for most of the song for it to feel both worthwhile and not mundane, as well as not making some grander statement. The bridge irks me a tad, not allowing for the nuance of gay women marrying men and framing it in a way that seems more bitter and honestly self-serving to her narrative. Even if it’s from a different perspective, it seems a bit tasteless and awkward tonally with the rest of the song, especially given this is a classic synthpop track in the vein not of the retro pastiche or indie revival but standing damn near to Wham!’s “Last Christmas” and struggling to tell the difference kind of synthpop. That makes it slightly unique but in terms of the vocal melodies Ms. Roan lays on top of that sound, it fails to capture me all too much, and I’m also really struggling not to hear a mashup on the verses with “I Just Called to Say I Love You” by Stevie Wonder. The lyrics sharing soime similarities aren’t helping either. This is far from bad but both sonically and lyrically, it trips over, in a way that seems like it might be on purpose, and I do want to give this song credit for tackling an interesting, niche topic and having a morally grey depiction of it. That’s impressive for the pop charts, I just don’t really enjoy the final product. Sorry.

#59 - “Feel It” (From the Original Series Invincible) - d4vd

Produced by Gray Toomey, Noah Ehler and Sam Homaee

For some brief background, Invincible is an Amazon animated series based on the comic books starring Omni-Man, and the second part of its second season has just concluded, with the crew recruiting d4vd of… “Romantic Homicide” fame, because, of course, for a soundtrack single. Now for the song and okay, this is quite similar to the Benson Boone song from before. Firstly, it vaguely aligns itself with alternative R&B and indie pop in its groove, guitar tones and delivery and secondly, on a lyrical and vocal level, I’m pretty sure I’m also supposed to find d4vd a bit overwhelming and annoying, given how this girl thinks he’s crazy and he’s being inescapable to her. There are a key differences: A) this is not a rock song, it’s a synthpop haze with too much reverb, echo and overdubs - probably enough studio manufacturing to kill a small elephant. B) d4vd is neither funny nor really aggressive, he is simply being a nuisance towards the woman in the name of love, and has some creepy undertones regarding how she treats the woman in this story being uncomfortable with his advances, even if this relating to a fictional character in the series, it fails to translate beyond that. C) there is not much space left in this mix for any real emotional resonance, because he’s half-rapping and the song is filled to the brim with effects. It’s difficult to even focus on the narrative given the sheer amount of layers. Finally, D) this is a pick-up, not a rejection, so the annoyance feels like encroaching on territory rather than having any solid catharsis. All this is to say that the song just fails on all of its levels, but fails honestly. I can absolutely see someone liking this even having over-analysed it like I have, and its crime is not translating well to an audience it didn’t really intend to have, considering I’m not a d4vd fan and I’ve never seen this show. I can envision this getting pretty big and whilst I do not like the song one bit, it’s hard to complain about, really. It’s just refreshing, especially in a J. Cole week, to have a song that I don’t like for storied but largely impersonal and constructive reasons. To put it simply, I just don’t feel it.

#53 - “Crocodile Tearz” - J. Cole

Produced by T-Minus

I wrote a pretty extensive and scathing review of J. Cole’s latest mixtape, Might Delete Later. It’s #7 on the albums chart this week, and debuted three songs here this week. I am going to keep these entries brief as can be, because that review is there for you to read on my RateYourMusic 2024 listening log, the account’s exclusivelytopostown. Most of that log is in a scattered first-impressions style but that review is very thought-out, reflective and in-depth, so I’m quite proud of it. I’m tempted to format it and upload it separately as a review to this blog, though I don’t want to flood my page with such negativity. To cut it short, I think this mixtape is frankly embarrassing, as even moving away from stagnant and dire trap-adjacent production mostly headed by a clearly tired T-Minus, Cole is so unconvincing and insecure in his flexing that it becomes difficult to listen to, especially when he has all the technical lyrical skill and little personality to back up those flows, so they end up soggy and awkward. When he in any way attempts to be conscious, introspective or even commenting on his “place in the rap game”, he becomes downright insufferable and really just shows his ass rather than his pen. This song in particular has some of the dullest production Cole has ever rapped over though there are not many particularly corny lines here, other than how his dogs only shed tears in emojis and how he’s so much better than those girls on Instagram, right? Cole’s insistence on claiming himself superior to entire groups of people based on an intellect or higher spirituality he shows no proof of existing never gets old.

#38 - “7 Minute Drill” - J. Cole

Produced by T-Minus, Conductor Williams, Al Hug and Elyas

Okay, genuine question: how do I ethically tackle a song that has been rescinded by its artist, that days after release, has been disowned by the person who wrote and performed it, expressing live on stage that he regrets it and wishes it to be removed? Surely giving harsh criticism to a song that already makes him feel bad is just kicking a man when he’s down. Firstly, if you consider Cole’s position to be “down”, then you and me both are in the trenches and secondly, whilst I understand that the industry demands quick responses and can make the bureaucracy of releasing a track based on heated emotions quite frustrating, there is the option of just leaving it alone and not releasing anything, especially because “7 Minute Drill”, referring to the song process used to make it, not its runtime or genre, is framed more as a warning shot than a full-on diss. He didn’t even send the angry message before deleting it and walking it back with apologies. If anything, this song, like really the whole album, proves Cole’s insecurities about his self-instated “middleman” promo package and media representation. Cole just doesn’t have either the heart, or lack thereof, to make an actual diss track and also has nothing but good things to say about Kendrick - even in this diss track, he praises his musical output and fabricates outright lies about the albums’ reception to make it appear disrespectful. If you want any sonic criticism, the T-Minus beat is a practically unlistenable parody of “Like That” but Conductor Williams, as he always does, pulls a smooth piano jam in the back half that sadly cannot save the pathetic bars placed upon it. Next.

#37 - “I Don’t Wanna Wait” - David Guetta and OneRepublic

Produced by David Guetta, Brent Kutzle, T.I Jakke, Tyler Spry and Timofey Reznikov

Sigh… I quietly predicted this to myself. Once I’d seen EDM do-overs of “Gangsta’s Paradise”, “Better Off Alone” and “I’m Blue” hit the charts, a sinking feeling inside of me knew that O-Zone were not safe, and by God’s, Guetta has gone and done it. And he bought the hacks at OneRepublic with them, so no, let’s talk about that original song, because I think it’s genuinely great. Those synths glitch and buzz out more than you remember, having some pretty cool interplay with the deeper-voiced verses, and whilst yes, there is a nonsense hook, and the rest is in the band’s native Moldovan dialect of Romanian, you don’t need to know the language to find yourself humming the refrains in your head. The flip-phone beep after he says “beep”, the call-and-response “Alo! Salut!” and obviously both the “maiya-hee, maiya-hoo, maiya-ha” and “numa-numa-ey” choruses, they are so embedded into my brain, and that can’t just be by memetic coincidence, it’s a brilliantly written song and well executed. And obviously it was a hit - in the UK, their only hit, peaking at #3 in 2004 whilst Mario Winans’ “I Don’t Wanna Know”, also a classic, was #1. What’s most frustrating about this Guetta rendition is that “Dragostea din tei” was already milked dry for sampling, long before his 20-year anniversary last year. Most famously, it was sampled in a Newgrounds meme, but other than that, T.I. took it to #1 in the US with Rihanna on 2008’s “Live Your Life”, which was already a comical attempt at making it serious (consider it starting with T.I. shouting out the troops in Iraq), but you know what Tip and Rihanna DIDN’T do? Remove the nonsense lyrics - Rihanna does re-sing real lyrics in the nonsense melody, but they start and end the song with the original sample, there’s no hiding where it came from. They work because they’re nonsense, we do NOT need a Ryan Tedder rewrite! “Live Your Life” peaked at #2 here, but it was blocked by a single from The X Factor so it’s basically an honourable #1, I don’t like it much but it has a heart and charm that Guetta and Tedder could not successfully pull off even in their “prime”… which coincides pretty comfortably with when T.I. released that song. Have fun chasing the past, boys, maybe you’ll find your talent and creativity hidden back there.

#29 - “H.Y.B.” - J. Cole and Bas featuring Central Cee

Produced by DZL, T-Minus, Cedric Brown, AzizTheShake and FNZ

I quite like Bas. He doesn’t exactly a consistent brand of sound, instead shifting through a pretty eclectic array of pop-rap styles, though often maintaining both trap and Afrobeats influences, and therefore, his work tends to be a bit hit-or-miss when you consider the full-length projects. Regardless, he has genuine pop perfection on those albums - what ties his albums together is Bas, a lighthearted but experienced presence who is full of hooks and catchy flows, as well as often genuine heart that makes the variety of styles feel connected via that vocal throughline. This is his first top 40 hit in the UK, and it really bothers me that Cole do not push Bas further, as this could have easily been at least his second given he released a Jersey club-inspired single with AJ Tracey last year that could have absolutely smashed over here. It was one of my favourite songs of 2023, and still gets me really excited - if there’s anything Bas is great at, it’s just letting you loose and allowing for a dropping of the same pretence that has defined J. Cole’s every move. Cole puts Bas on his albums as a gesture but is seemingly unwilling to promote the man’s solo music. This may be because of how obvious it is that Bas, whilst maybe not as technically lyrical, has the pop edge over Cole, and could honestly be way bigger if given a chance to a mass audience or even bigger features like Cench over here, who is completely fine in his verse. This is just a sample-drill track wherein Cench does fine, Bas is cool but is only granted the hook - telling - and Cole embarrasses himself by reciting the alphabet without the letter L because he doesn’t take those. You got outcharted this week by two Benson Boone songs, Teddy Goddamn Swims and the song that dissed you in the first place still at #11. Please, stop lying to yourself, it’s not healthy.

Conclusion

Guess Best of the Week Boone strikes again with “Cry”. Jesus, I thought I was better than that. It’s even the only song I actually like out of our debuts, which is fantastic, so there won’t be an Honourable Mention. Instead, we can throw out a Dishonourable Mention for J. Cole’s “Crocodile Tearz”, whilst he ties for the worst. Both “7 Minute Drill” and David Guetta’s “I Don’t Wanna Wait” with OneRepublic feel like very cynical and regretful songs, made not for response but reaction and no, in art, those aren’t necessarily the same thing. Hopefully, we’ll have a more pleasant week on the horizon, there are pop girls by the dozen with Dua Lipa, Perrie of Little Mix, Sabrina Carpenter, Mimi Webb and perhaps most importantly, Future and Metro dropped the sequel. For now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #j. cole #might delete later #bas #central cee #d4vd #chappell roan #benson boone #onerepublic #david guetta

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 06/04/2024 (Beyoncé's COWBOY CARTER)

Welp, as one would expect, she gets the double, the #1 album with COWBOY CARTER and “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” is back up top. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we shall start with our notable dropouts - songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the chart or a peak in the top 40 - and this week, we bid adieu to some big deals: “FRI(END)S” by V (more BTS on the way), “BURN” by Hitler and Goebbels, “Coal” by Dylan Gossett, “Grey” by Yung Filly, “Selfish” by Justin Timberlake, “redrum” by 21 Savage, “Nothing Matters” by The Last Dinner Party, “Strangers” by Kenya Grace and finally, “Escapism.” by RAYE featuring 070 Shake.

As for our returns, we see “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus and “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi back to bottom-dwell at #75 and #74, alongside “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo at #71, “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac, they’re basically all in the same boat. Notable gains on the other hand… we see boosts for “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift at #67, “if u think i’m pretty” by Artemas at #52, “FE!N” by Travis Scott featuring Playboi Carti at #50, “Never be Lonely” by Jax Jones and Zoe Wees at #41, sigh, “Been Like This” by Meghan Trainor and T-Pain at #40, SIGH, “Evergreen” by Richy Mitch & the Coal Miners at #38, “Slow it Down” by Benson Boone at #27 (likely even further next week thanks to the album), “Happier” by The Blessed Madonna and Clementine Douglas at #26, “Back on 74” by Jungle at #25 (what a great new run this is having), “Belong Together” by Mark Ambor at #22, and finally, Artemas gets his first top 10 with “i like the way you kiss me”. I mean, at least it’s interesting.

Now our top five should look pretty familiar: “we can’t be friends (wait for your love)” by Ariana Grande at #5, “Too Sweet” by Hozier at #4, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #2 and of course Bey knocks Benjamin Boonerang off the #1 to #2 with “Beautiful Things”. Now to talk about - let’s be real - Beyoncé and some minor cameos.

New Entries

#64 - “NEURON” - j-hope, Gaeko and YOON MIRAE

Produced by Pdogg

So, j-hope of BTS released an album - or it seems more like a mixtape - that landed at #38 on the albums chart thanks to the classic BTS sales. Whilst there doesn’t appear to be a clear single on the project, especially considering j-hope was always more of a rapper in the group, but this got the video treatment and is very much what I expect from j-hope, at least from the very little I’ve heard of his solo work. It’s got a set of blissful pads against a vocoder sample and surprisingly heavy-hitting boom bap drums, as well as sing-songy rap flows in a nasal, almost J. Cole-like delivery that could be about love but keep it vaguer in the verse, it might be more conscious and spiritual, especially considering the focus on neuron activation. Gaeko is a lot more explicitly introspective, looking back on his life and how he’s not as aggressive as he used to be in his youth, finding more solace in playing ball with his son that “embracing the bomb” - some of the Genius translation could miss out some detail or context here. Now YOON MIRAE, a female rapper, really brings the heat here, as the intensity of the pianos ramp up, the beat gets a tad more minimal and she raps bilingually in a deeper yell than either of the guys here can cough up. She speaks somewhat generically of the rap game and motivation to grind, but her riffing on the final chorus is what convinces me, as well as her acknowledging that she’s granted the beat drop in the song, it shows an awareness of the structure of the song and not just being a guest rap verse, it’s clever and interesting, really puts the verse into perspective. So I ended up really liking this - it’s a bit fluffy, as K-pop often is, but it’s got grit and meaning to it this time around, and with the variety in flows, focused content, I can dig this.

#62 - “Jump” - Tyla, Gunna and Skillibeng

Produced by Sammy Sosa

I quite liked Tyla’s self-titled debut, currently at #33 on the albums chart. The South African singer brings a reassuring, youthful joy to detailed production and it’s all a light, feathery bliss that’s just a delight to sit through, even if the record is clearly not for sitting. I have a full first-impressions review on my RateYourMusic listening log (the account is exclusivelytopostown) if you want more thoughts on that, but my favourite moments on the album are when guest features with a little more smolder are brought in to balance the sweetness, like with Tems on “No. 1” and with Gunna and Jamaican deejay Skillibeng on this track, “Jump”, which has a subtle sprinkling of Afrobeats guitars and keys over the very unsubtle rhythm section, a great deep bass and busy drums that can counter the choir vocals in the verses as well as Tyla belting a tad on the chorus. There’s little substance to it - it’s just about being hot and having fun, with a hilariously repetitive post-chorus, but both Tyla and Gunna shout out her native Johannesburg and if you were expecting anything of further depth, you’re just listening to the wrong album. This is a lot of fun and I hope it catches on.

#61 - “I LUV IT” - Camila Cabello featuring Playboi Carti

Produced by El Guincho and Jasper Harris

Sometimes I wish this show was a video series. For this entry, I would probably just point and laugh at the calculated attempt to be interesting, for a demographic I’m a part of, and failing so catacylismically that no-one is buying it or bothering to listen more than once. I don’t mean to be harsh, and I’m not blaming the artists, more so the label and marketing teams: when releasing a pop single, you first have to consider - who is this for? Who can you appeal to and how? Here, Camila has her own fanbase already, so she’s going to try and appeal to them, naturally. Also, it has a very edgy, cinematic video for fans of say, The Weeknd or people who watch Euphoria. Sure, okay, that could work. Oh, and the song sounds like Charli XCX - though she recruited ROSALÍA’s producer - so she’s trying to appeal to her hyperpop crowd, that’s fine, you’re stretching yourself a bit thin there though, it could be a bit too camp for the edgy crowd if you do that, and a bit too dark for the hyperpop crowd if you get Playboi Carti on board, because I guess she needs a rap crossover audience… or at least an experimental rap crossover audience in this case. At least she’s not using a nostalgia-bait sample of a Gucci Mane song from… oh, she’s using a nostalgia-bait sample of a Gucci Mane song from 2009. Okay, so I guess the target demographic is everyone now, but hyperpop fans like authenticity, and this clearly doesn’t have it. Carti fans hate women, Camila’s own fans, if her old comments are anything to go by, hate… “rappers”, let’s say that. And really, what person who would be nostalgic for Gucci’s “Lemonade” - never charted here, by the way - would even be keeping an eye out for Camila Cabello? This is just a travesty of a lead single… and the song’s brilliant, all of that context just makes what the eventual end product is completely hilarious.

I’ve always been an advocate for mess in pop music - not necessarily the discourse, but the music itself and the rollout surrounding it - because it is exciting and part of the reason I do this show. There are more fascinating stories to be told with music when it reaches a mass audience, it’s just natural, and that’s especially interesting when the song is a Goddamn trainwreck that’s catchy as sin and does everything wrong. There are rage synths that don’t last the entire measure for no reason - and they don’t try and hide it - whilst the synths on the chorus play the role of a theremin. Cabello not being able to sing all that well means that her playing staccato, hyperpop robo-girl over a pretty rote Jersey club groove actually goes really well for her, even if she inexplicably decorates the song in breathy ad-libs as if she herself was Playboi Carti. Speaking of ad-libs, they leave in Gucci’s original “brr”s in the chorus, seemingly out of either laziness or refusal to re-record the choir hook, and given both hooks are just mantras, there are basically two choruses instead of an active chorus/post-chorus dynamic, especially since there is no considerable change sonically or tonally between the two. This lack of structure culminates in a “bridge” that is JUST multi-tracked ad-libs, and features Cabello saying “slow down, baby”… the tempo remains the same entirely and the drums don’t go into half-time like they probably should for a Playboi Carti feature. He goes for his deep, richer voice and the song just kind of… ends with his verse? Barely catching up to the beat, Carti rambles as usual, even less coherent in his mumbling than usual, and eventually, Cabello tries to insert herself into his orbit, it’s so painful. It’s telling that when I search for this song on Spotify, the artists recommended to me are Carti, Charli and then Ken Carson and Lancey Foux. Camila herself is nowhere to be seen in that list of artists and whether that’s because there’s none of her personality in this song or she didn’t have any to begin with is a question for another day. For now, this is garbage. I love it.

#60 - “Outside of Love” - Becky Hill

Produced by PARISI

Now Becky Hill kind of has something to prove to me now, she’s been on increasingly better production that fits the places she wants to go with her voice a lot more as of recent and it’s been pretty promising. Also promising are PARISI, a duo who I mostly connect with Fred again.. but have also worked extensively with Ed Sheeran, and particularly on some of his most interestingly layered songs vocally like “Afterglow” and “Visiting Hours” which may be a coincidence but had me really excited for what the boys could do with Ms. Hill. Turns out it probably was a coincidence, the vocal mixing is kind of mediocre actually, they don’t really contain her belting very well, not that it really needs containing given this is fully in festival mode. Everytrinkling synth pad, house kick, it feels like it’s a constant light fluttering under Hill’s desperate attempt to jigsaw this relationship back together. I know it’s an EDM-pop track so the lyrics are little to write home about but it should still be said that the description of herself as on the “outside of love” is interesting imagery, it makes me wonder what could be done with that concept by a more poetic writer who has a bit more time and, let’s be real, a fitting sonic palette for that kind of lyricism. Whilst this hasn’t immediately clicked with me as much as the past two, I feel I’ll appreciate this one for just being a maximalist bop with terribly-mixed gospel-like vocals on the final drop, it goes for an onslaught of everything in a very admirable way. It’s cute, it reminds me of when 2000s Eurodance hits would go way harder than they needed to simply to raise the dramatic stakes. So yeah, another Becky Hill song I like. World’s crumbling.

#9 - “II MOST WANTED” - Beyoncé and Miley Cyrus

Produced by Beyoncé, Shawn Everett, Michael Pollack, Miley Cyrus and Jonathan Rado

So, there’s a Beyoncé album, I think? It’s got a country and western tinge to it. Heard it’s long, heard it’s pretty good. Haven’t heard it. I probably will not listen to it and I’m not saying that to be “cool” or contrarian because if I were, I’d have listened to it and pretended to hate it. Realistically, I don’t have a dog in the Beyoncé does country argument. I’m not a country fan, or a country hater, I’m not a big Beyoncé fan, or Azealia Banks, so I have nothing valuable to contribute to the discourse as well as no reason to hear a damn near feature-length record. When Beyoncé did house, firstly, she did it well, and secondly, I’m a fan of house music! I know more about it than other genres, I’m quite educated in certain subgenres and I recognised a few of the samples and cultural references she was lifting from on RENAISSANCE. I feel like most of them may be lost on me or not fully resonate when discussing her pivot to country music, and I wish that wasn’t the case. Part of me just wants to say that I listen to Weezer and future bass so leave me alone. Thankfully, the British public has given me the easiest plate of two tracks from this album: a Dolly Parton cover and a mid Miley duet. It’s about being a ride-or-die, it’s got soaring guitars and both ladies have an audible rasp and grit to their voices, even if Miley ends up like a backing vocalist at times to Bey. They’re trading lyrics or in harmony nearly all the time, and Miley plays it a lot calmer than Bey, naturally, who probably wants and needs to prove herself in country pop more than the seasoned player. Hell, I actually think their chemistry here is awkward and not accentuated by the vague western-soundfont lyrics that don’t play into any notable angle, and in the bridge, just kind of give up on themselves. It’s a bit disappointing, to say the least.

#8 - “JOLENE” - Beyoncé

Produced by Beyoncé, Khirye Tyler, Jack Ro and NOVA WAV

Dolly Parton’s iconic 1973 jam “Jolene”, begging desperately for this beautiful woman not to cheat on her husband, is pretty undeniable, right? Well, I’ve never really liked it, sorry to say. My taste in country is pretty horrific, I’ll be the first to admit, but I’ve always found the instrumentation underwhelming and going for sinister when Dolly is selling it with a long of strength and desperacy, like she’s at her last tether. The sapphic elements are compelling of course, but they collapse in the third verse, then it fades out having sonically done nothing much at all. There’s always been something breezy about it to me that I never really understood, and that’s no disrespect to Dolly, she’s easily my favourite part. Regardless, this is one of those times where I have to give a chart history, so flashback to 1976, when “Jolene” first lands on the UK charts and peaks at #7, when “Combine Harvester” by the Wurzels was #1. I know that one because of my dad, if you haven’t heard that song… you know what, don’t.

“Jolene” was Dolly’s first top 10 over here and ended up re-entering a few times in the 2010s. Before that came many re-imaginings. First, in 1985, we had Glasgow’s Strawberry Switchblade cover the song, in a weird mix of new wave, freestyle and western elements that really show what performative country aesthetics can be, because this has more to do with darkwave than anything from the Deep South. It peaked at #53 and it is terrible. The 2000s is where the covers really ramped up, firstly in 2000 with the #100-peaking cover by London alt-rock outfit Queenadreena. Seemingly not on streaming, it came with their original, “Pretty Polly”, and fully goes into the dark cabaret aesthetic, especially in that... choice of a music video. I think I might prefer it to the original, it makes Jolene sound like an evil woman who I would like to step on me. We also saw a #99 peak for a song in 2007 by folk singer Ray LaMontagne also coincidentally called “Jolene” - it’s not a cover, but it’s a pretty great, tragic narrative ballad if you’re interested. Good accidental discovery to make. My favourite cover of “Jolene”, however, and the only version to get close to Dolly’s original peak until Queen Bey was the version recorded by the garage rock duo, The White Stripes, specifically a 2004 live version that peaked at #16. Now, am I biased because I love Jack White? Yes. Yes, I am, and so does Beyoncé, so shush. Everyone and their mother has covered Dolly, but out of all “Jolene” renditions I’ve heard, Jack just sounds the most devastated, and the eventual crash into distorted, hapless guitars and Meg White’s ugly-ass snares after that rushed, chaotic percussion panned exclusively to the left throughout, is incredibly cathartic. And that’s just the studio version - the live version that charted is even more dire and Jack is downright pathetic on it, worsened by the audience wooing, cheering and clapping on occasion, it eggs on Jolene in a way and publicises his angst “Jolene - Live Under Blackpool Lights” might honestly be one of the greatest cover songs of all time.

So how does Beyoncé fare? Well, she changes a lot of the lyrics to act more as a warning to people attempting to take JAY-Z instead of desperately begging Jolene not to get with JAY-Z, mostly because I don’t think Beyoncé could easily sell being helpless, especially in the context of her husband - we all heard Lemonade. I’m not sure how effectively you can sell the warning shot either considering, well, there was a Becky with some good hair who did all of this a few years ago. Sonically, I’m not head over heels for what sounds like a pretty rote rendition, even if Beyoncé’s vocals and some of the lyrics add a lot of character that simply isn’t in the instrumental. The backing vocal repeating “Jolene” at sporadic intervals, I can’t figure out exactly who it is, probably The-Dream, but he reminds me of Wyclef Jean on “Hips Don’t Lie”. That’s my intellectual observation. I just used a review of a song from the biggest black female country album ever to talk about a guy whose last name is literally White. When she releases a pop punk album, I’ll be more in tune, but for now, leave it to Azealia Banks and Spectrum Pulse, I’m sure if you combined the two, you’d create Frankenstein’s cultural critic.

Conclusion

Fascinatingly enough, this was a great week outside of Beyoncé, who takes away Worst of the Week for “II MOST WANTED” with Miley Cyrus and the Dishonourable Mention for her cover of “JOLENE”. Neither song are terrible, but I think I established in both reviews that my general disinterest for the album doesn’t entirely cover a lot of the flaws I believe are present in these tracks, I’m sorry. Again, I like Beyoncé, just not these particular records. As for the best… oh, God, it’s Camila Cabello’s “I LUV IT” featuring Playboi Carti, isn’t it? Honourable Mention goes to Tyla, Gunna and Skillibeng for “Jump” but I think I’ll have to spend a few days in rehab recovering from picking the other song as my Best of the Week. As for what’s on the horizon, more insufferable discourse as J. Cole drops a surprise diss record. Other than that, Charli XCX links with Gesaffelstein, Benson links with Boone and there’s new tracks from Bryson Tiller, Ava Max and the Imagine Dragons. All of it could chart, none of it could chart, we’ll see. For now, however, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #beyonce #cowboy carter #miley cyrus #dolly parton #white stripes #becky hill #camila cabello #playboi carti #tyla #gunna #skillibeng #j-hope #gaeko #yoon mirae

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30/03/2024 (Future & Metro Boomin's WE DON'T TRUST YOU, Olivia Rodrigo's GUTS (spilled) and Hozier)

Benson Boone takes a hold of the top of the UK Singles Chart for the second week with “Beautiful Things” and it’s a big, messy week that I’m too tired to deal with so welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40 and given this week was somewhat of a busy one, we do have a fair few to bid adieu, namely: “Going Home” (Theme from Local Hero) by Mark Knopfler’s Guitar Heroes because the charity single never lasts long, “I Will” by Central Cee, “ONE CALL” by Rich Amiri, “Homesick” by Noah Kahan and Sam Fender on the duet version, “One of the Girls” from The Idol by The Weeknd, JENNIE and Lily-Rose Depp, “leavemealone” by Fred again.. and Baby Keem, “DNA (Loving You)” by Billy Gillies featuring Hannah Boleyn, “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo, “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus and of course, “Someone You Love” by Lewis Capaldi. It’s a mixed bag, but I’m mostly glad to see new hits flushing in and taking care of some of these older, longer-running tracks.

Thanks to our 10 new songs landing mostly at the front of the chart, we don’t see any returns and not that many big gains either, but it is worth to comment on the boosts for “Been Like This” by Meghan Trainor and T-Pain at #50, “Happier” by The Blessed Madonna and Clementine Douglas at #40, “Back on 74” by Jungle landing yet another run at #32, “Green & Gold” by Rudimental and Skepsis featuring Charlotte Plank and Riko Dan at #30, “Von dutch” by Charli XCX at #27 thanks to a pretty great A.G. Cook remix and “Birds in the Sky” by NewEra at #23.

This week’s top five on the UK Singles Chart is largely not affected by everything below it, as we have “End of Beginning” by Djo at #5, “we can’t be friends (wait for your love)” by Ariana Grande, “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” by Beyoncé, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #2 and of course, Booner Boy at the very top. Yet just at #6, we have a new arrival so that should better display how this week is going to go. Let’s just dive into it.

New Entries

#58 - “stranger” - Olivia Rodrigo

Produced by Dan Nigro

Now a major reason to why this week feels so exhausting is that over half of our new songs are from the same two albums, that are at #3 and #2 in the singles chart right now: Olivia Rodrigo’s deluxe release of GUTS with a few extra songs and the newest collaborative record by Future and Metro Boomin, WE DON’T TRUST YOU, which I actually cared to listen to. I decided it would even be a better idea to split up my writing time into the three categories instead of in chart position order: tackling the three songs from O-Rod, the trio from the duo and… the other four. It’s nearly even. These are also two not particularly interesting albums to have three songs to talk about. I’ll talk more about Future when the time comes, but these are just three bonus tracks from an album I didn’t even like so just imagine my excitement when I have to talk about them. This one’s about… moving on from a past relationship, of course, demonstrating said ex-partner as a complete stranger that she no longer has any real emotional investment towards. I like the writing here, it’s less wordy than usual and feels really natural over the airy acoustic guitar. Dare I say it’s got a bit of a wispy country twang to it that adds some edge. The organic instrumentation in the back of the second chorus onwards is sweet even if I’d prefer it was pushed further to the front of the mix, I love the dynamics of the bridge and ultimately, the mundane yet really powerful and heathily bitter angle O-Rod takes here is pretty resonant. I have no idea why this didn’t close the standard edition of the album, it’s pretty excellent actually.

#54 - “Belong Together” - Mark Ambor

Produced by Mark Ambor and Noel Zancanella

We actually continue with feathery teeny-bopper Americana as this is the breakout hit for singer-songwriter Mark Ambor, going for a folkish stomp-rock tune that is a pretty good Noah Kahan riff if not anything else. I’m not into the more jovial, head-empty frolick of the upbeat side of this genre, especially not when it’s sung by people who sound like Disney teen stars but hey, this has got a much stickier chorus than many of those Disney Channel original movies could ever dream of. His voice does reach some nice rasps amidst the crowd vocals and it really is just being carried by the admirable hook because other than that constant, this is barely a notable song, at less than two and a half minutes with non-descript lyrics and a professional but not grippingly detailed production. It really just is a bonfire sing-a-long and fits that function perfectly. I’ll be real: this was embarrassingly close to getting Best of the Week on that hook alone. It is undeniable.

#42 - “Slow it Down” - Benson Boone

Produced by Jason Evigan, Connor McDonough and Riley McDonough

There were two real possibilities with this one: I hate it and regret everything nice I said about “Beautiful Things”, or I like it and I just end up being a Benson Boone fan now. A Booner Boy. A Benson Booner. A Boonemobile. I didn’t really know which option was more embarrassing, but with the McDonough fellows on production, I really thought the first was more likely. When I heard the faster-paced pianos, the condescending tone of the lyrics, that really awkward Jesus line and some of the Lewis Capaldi-esque inflections, I was worried… but Goddamn it, he’s done it again. Sure, it’s not as wholesome as “Beautiful Things”, but the pairing of the lyrics wanting to slow everything down and take life at its own pace against his almost manic, shifting vocal delivery that gets really rough at times, and the incessant nature of much of the instrumentation, is all a pretty inspired songwriting choice, and it gets the uneven tone off really well. It sounds nothing like it but thematically, it reminds me of “Wait” by Maroon 5 in how its uncertainty can barely be contained the restraints of its format but they really are trying to keep it in the box, until that excellent, just pummelling final chorus that makes me really want to hear Boonetunes do some hard rock or glam metal one day. He’s got a voice for it. I’m embarrassed to say it, and it’s not as good as his current #1, but it’s a good song. I’m sorry.

#24 - “so american” - Olivia Rodrigo

Produced by Dan Nigro

That is not an exciting title and what do you know, this is more of the flowery pop rock that doesn’t seem to know where the line of its edge lands exactly, like I’d expected. This is a post-punk-esque track with a blank-feeling rhythm section and really flat bass that just runs through the motions until it reaches a chorus climax point that still just chugs along despite all the non-descript swell that’s behind it. It’s about a very specific celebrity crush that uses lovestruck nonsense-singing to finish off its refrain, and I’m just not in the market for this. I could not care less about this uber-specific compliment that she decides to make the conceit of the song… despite the fact that it barely shows up outside of the chorus. I love bubblegum pop rock sometimes, one of my favourite albums of all time is by Helen Love. This just doesn’t have the right guitar hook or lyrical detail - that isn’t odd and honestly somewhat off-putting - to keep me from really getting into this. It’s not bad and really, there could be a great song made out of some of these elements, they just might not have been in the right hands. Sorry.

#20 - “Cinderella” - Future and Metro Boomin featuring Travis Scott

Produced by Metro Boomin, Dre Moon and Allen Ritter

WE DON’T TRUST YOU is fine. In fact, it’s actually damn good at times and mostly a pretty serviceable, atmospheric trap record. The added cinematics from Metro dampen the bangers but largely add a twinkle to the gleaming pop songs found around the middle, that were actually mostly my favourites. Future is, to me at least, at his best being just impressively catchy. He has a singular voice  that sounds surprisingly rich reciting these cuter, cloud rap melodies and Metro’s pop sensibilities mean that he knows exactly when, how and what to switch up throughout. At its best, the album is careening and hypnotic, but there’s a lot of attempts at menace here, as is to be expected, and that blend of opulence and violence from Future has never hit that well for me without pop hooks behind it, especially given that it’s not just Future under-performing on these tracks, it’s Metro. I’ll discuss more of that in the next entry because it is incredibly obvious in that one, but the appeal of “Cinderella”, which lands pretty much smack-dab in the middle of the album and fully in that leaned-out pop section that I loved. I don’t think there’s a single quotable from either artist, and the beat is not even that interesting: its appeal is really simple. The melodic leads are cute, the trap beat is immense enough to absorb most of the energy but not act as an obstacle between Future and the melodies behind him, and his flow is possessive of the brain, I swear to God, it’s been in my head all week. Oh, yeah, and Travis Scott is here, I guess. I like his vocal layering on here, I suppose, and he really meshes with the closing, misty detail that the track ends with. It’s not my favourite - that would probably be a toss up between “Slimed In” and “Runnin’ Outta Time”, but it’s pretty great.

#18 - “Type Shit” - Future and Metro Boomin featuring Travis Scott and Playboi Carti

Produced by Metro Boomin, D. Rich and MIKE DEAN

In the context of the album, this song is dreadful. It’s not a momentum killer - rather, it’s a continuation of a long-dead momentum in the most excruciating way. It comes after “Ice Attack”, which starts with a droning beat even Future is already bored of, so bored in fact that he changes the beat to an even more rote and basic one that is a very similar tempo and groove as the track that it seamless transitions into, which is of course, “Type Shit”, where pretty much all of Future’s performance and most of Playboi Carti’s, in his hit-or-miss deep voice, is based on the same flow, cadence and lyric. It really had me worried for the rest of the album. Outside of the context, it’s still awful: here’s where Metro misunderstands how to make a beat interesting: adding loops onto other loops, all of which are incredibly one-note and cheap, just makes it sound like a lot of noise over muddily-mixed drums that sound genuinely awful. Whilst not applying greatly to this particular track, Metro tends to make some elements of these beats way busier than the others, leading to an ugly dissonance where it feels like he’s more pre-occupied with sound effects. Our only respite from this drone is Travis Scott delivering a reference vocal over MIKE DEAN synths and whilst I’ll take that over Carti most days, it’s not particularly attention-capturing or all that well implemented into the rest of the track, just an extended malformed interlude that has no business being here other than making sure the entire song isn’t insufferable. Also, “posted up with my dogs, Scooby-Doo type shit”? I appreciate that Carti is actually trying to form sentences now but his smug, deeper tone he prefers as of late just makes his failure at doing so even more embarrassing.

#13 - “i like the way you kiss me” - Artemas

Produced by Artemas, Kevin White and Daintree

I guess all Artemas really needed was that one small breakout single to really grow big with his next release, as this debuted way bigger than I expected. I thought “if u think i’m pretty” was at least okay, so I had some hopes for this and no, I don’t like this at all. I like darker synthpop bullet trains like this sometimes - Gesaffelstein released an album literally today that had some elements of this - but Artemas’ pained, pre-teen delivery cannot sell this if it had normal lyrics and more extensive, detailed production, let alone with muddy, cheap nothingness and a chorus that is about how Artemas “hits it from the back so you don’t get attached”. Ew. I get this is going for a toxic lover persona, but it is just embarrassing for him trying to go for it, especially when he attempts a malformed guitar solo later like God, actually stop trying for whatever this is. I don’t like saying a song is cringeworthy because other demographics will resonate with it but… come on. What is this? Who is this for?

#10 - “obsessed” - Olivia Rodrigo

Produced by Dan Nigro

Now this is the big attempt at a single from this deluxe release, enlisting St. Vincent on writing and going for a vibe similar to “bad idea, right?”, right down to the stop-start songwriting that made that one so frustrating. There’s a sicker guitar riff to this one at least, it feels a bit grimier and almost eerie with O-Rod’s obsessive lyrics surrounding how jealous she is of her partner’s ex-boyfriend… yet it never feels like it goes anywhere meaningful. It has the additional edge of sounding slightly mentally ill and sapphic simultaneously - I can relate to that - but the chorus just isn’t there - or more accurately, there’s not an attempt to make a coherent one. The entire track very much builds up to that chorus as a focal point but it blows out too much to resonate and loses some of the impact of its implosion. It’s much better than “bad idea, right?” because it’s not as incessant and is less tasteful in its subject matter, but it suffers from the same struggle of calculating how much to restrain in what should be an anthem for self-destruction. It’s decent, but I really wish I liked it more.

#8 - “Too Sweet” - Hozier

Produced by Bēkon, Hozier, Chakra, Sergiu Gherman and Peter Gonzales

Hozier, similarly to O-Rod, dropped some outtakes and bonus tracks from last year’s album - the difference here is that the songs smashed out of nowhere and this single in particular is looking to be his biggest hit since “Take Me to Church”, which is now a decade old. That’s scary. It may benefit from its conceptual similarities to “Eat Your Young”, which was a minor hit, as they both examine excessive greed, however in this song, the space is shared between two clashing perspectives, one of which is focused on discipline and the other on simple pleasures, with the two perspectives seemingly in a metaphorical relationship. I do think we see more of the unhealthy side of the narrative, particularly because of how those two perspectives influence the narrator, potentially Hozier, to take his life more seriously. Musically, this has a brilliant, infectious organic bass guitar over a fleeting almost trip hop funk. Hozier’s less rhythmic and arguably airy performance here surprised me initially, but he soaks into the feathery choir vocals that end up backing him and make this song really sound like the narrator has little control, being commanded by two contrasting forces until that decisive chorus that truly succeeds at being an anthem. Some of the lyrics in the second verse are a tad on-the-nose and take me out of the song’s overall theme, which arguably stagnates for its second half due to the lack of a true thematic - or really sonic - conclusion, but given I’m listening to it outside of the album’s full context, I feel like this is going to inevitably be a reaction I have, so it feels a tad presumptuous to say it’s a flaw in the track, which is otherwise pretty much flawless. I think this is sticking around and God, wouldn’t that be wonderful? Fantastic song.

#6 - “Like That” - Future and Metro Boomin featuring Kendrick Lamar

Produced by Metro Boomin

Yeah, I don’t like this one either. Now this song is hypothetically, very good. I liked having the surprise of Kendrick when the features weren’t initially credited, and this beat is not dead on arrival, majorly because it’s someone else’s beat. This samples the classic 80s rap track “Everlasting Bass” by Rodney O and Joe Cooley - and General Jeff - but the problem is it decides to only effectively sample part of its really insane beat. For mid-late 1980s California, you can really tell where Memphis rap can grab from this, especially with those blaring klaxon synths, the basic but commanding beat, the nearly constant, playful vocal sampling and of course, that looming bass that is actually from Barry White but sounds terrifying here. “Like That” turns the mains melody of “Everlasting Bass” into an ugly siren resting on more modern and metallic trap percussion that just does not mesh properly. There’s an incessant buzz to everything that is not helped by the twirling Michel’le sample from Eazy-E’s “Eazy-Duz-It” which not only feels overdone but is just unnecessary here. Future is… barely here, mostly because we need to just set out a red carpet for this Kendrick Lamar verse, which I will admit, as always with Kendrick, has some incredible wordplay, and in the context of dissing Drake, I’m all for this cold verse, even if it just doesn’t fit that well over this beat. I mean, it fits more than Future because he has some of the character that the original did, which makes sense given Rodney O and Joe Cooley were from southern California as well. I like the line using members of The Click, that one’s really clever, and the André 3000 line is funny too, but after his verse, the song just malfunctions and refuses to piece itself back together. Metro fades the song out whilst Future is still clearly rapping, and at a higher energy than ever before so I have no idea why he did that. There are longer songs on the album, this one didn’t need to be cut short. Given that this is one of very few tracks on here that Metro is solely responsible for and it’s honestly kind of a trainwreck production-wise, I do have my concerns going forward.

Conclusion

Artemas gets the Worst of the Week for “i like the way you kiss me”, genuinely, what the fuck was that? Future, Metro, Travis and Carti bag the Dishonourable Mention for “Type Shit”, obviously, whilst Best of the Week is honestly kind of difficult. I think I’ll give it to Hozier for “Too Sweet” but with O-Rod close behind as an Honourable Mention with “stranger”. Beyoncé’s coming up next, folks, so be prepared for that, but for now, thanks for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and we’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #song review #pop music #metro boomin #future #we don't trust you #olivia rodrigo #guts spilled #kendrick lamar #travis scott #playboi carti #artemas #hozier #benson boone #mark ambor

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 23/03/2024 (V of BTS and... Mark Knopfler?)

It’s a short week, largely to prepare for what chaos should be coming the next, but right at the top, Benson Boone clenches his first ever #1 with “Beautiful Things”. I know pretty much no-one who cares about pop music on a deeper level likes this song, but hey, if I’m the only person happy about this other than Booner Boy himself, I’ll take it. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

Given our few new songs, we also only have a handful of notable dropouts to start with, so we’ll bid adieu to the small but decent selection of “Could You be Loved” by Bob Marley & The Wailers, “Angel Numbers / Ten Toes” by Chris Brown, “My Love Mine All Mine” by Mitski and finally, “Disconnect” by Becky Hill and Chase & Status.

As for what’s back, we see returns for “Asking” by Sonny Fodera and MK featuring Clementine Douglas at #73 and, sigh, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi at #68, and then a spattering of gains. Our most notable boosts are for “if u think i’m pretty” by Artemas at #59, “Wasted Youth” by goddard. and Cat Burns at #58, “We Ain’t Here for Long” by Nathan Dawe at #55, “Happier” by The Blessed Madonna featuring Clementine Douglas at #54, “Thank You (Not So Bad)” by a bestiary of enemies to good taste at #50, “Green & Gold” by Rudimental and Skepsis featuring Charlotte Plank and Riko Dan at #43, “Birds in the Sky” by NewEra at #34, “Never Lose Me” by Flo Milli surging high and fast up to #23 thanks to her releasing an album that includes a pretty great remix of the song featuring Cardi B and SZA, and then “Austin” by Dasha at #15, “Lovers in a Past Life” by Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man at #14 and finally, making his way into the top 10 for the first time, “Scared to Start” by Michael Marcagi at #10.

Our top five this week consists of “End of Beginning” by Djo at #5, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #4, “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” by Beyoncé at #3, “we can’t be friends (wait for your love)” by Ariana Grande at a new peak of #2 off of the debut, that could grab a week at the top soon, and of course, Benny Boone at #1. Now for our four new songs, which feel like names picked out of a hat and placed onto the chart.

New Entries

#60 - “Been Like This” - Meghan Trainor and T-Pain

Produced by Gian Stone and Grant Boutin

This is a joke, right? Or a soundtrack to a reality television competition, or daytime talk show? T-Pain has grown into his role as wholesome cuddly media figure surprisingly well and a collaboration with Meghan Trainor, whilst demonic, seems to be the best way to seal that position, with this being the lead single for her next album… Timeless. Well, that’s one thing to call your music. Mean jokes aside, hey, T-Pain is here so at least there’ll be some genuine, not as obnoxious charisma? Well, first of all, it’s electro swing, so my first instinct is to step away from my laptop, keel over and die, especially when Meghan starts to singing about how she keeps it juicy and then eventually that she’s “still that bitch”, as if she was ever that bitch to begin with. There’s something so cynical about Trainor’s vocals that I didn’t notice just the true extent of until T-Pain came in with an infectious call-and-response and weirdly-mixed but fun-extruding harmonies that almost would convince me on the entire song if he didn’t have to play to Meghan’s lack of personality, especially when placed against each other in the bridge. T-Pain can sell this as some goofy cartoon clown, but it probably wouldn’t charted without Ms. Trainor, who brings pretty much nothing to the song other than taking it a tad too seriously, despite the fact that there’s no reason, lyrically, for this to even be a duet. Also, Meghan, I’m not sure you can even sing the line about GRAMMYs in T-Pain’s verse on the account of you only have one.

#52 - “Never be Lonely” - Jax Jones and Zoe Wees

Produced by Jax Jones, Mark Ralph, Neave Applebaum and Tom Demac

I actually really like Jax Jones’ producer tag, it’s cute and rhythmic, has a little stutter to it. It’s nice. I have to say more than that, don’t I? I have to acknowledge Zoe Wees’ voice being misued and manipulated to just sounding characterless, I have to acknowledge how this heavily interpolates the drop from “Rhythm is a Dancer” by Snap!, one of the best Eurodance songs ever despite some… regrettable lines. It spent six weeks at #1 in 1992, blocking off Jimmy Nails, Freddie Mercury, Luther Vandross, Janet Jackson and of course, “Ebenezer Goode” by the Shamen from the top spot, before reappearing in remixed form in 2003 and 2008, reaching the top 40 again both times. “Never be Lonely” doesn’t work as an update of the song because of completely different lyrical content that I actually hate, asking someone to tell her how it feels that she’ll always be there for them, it’s really patronising and weird. It doesn’t work as a reimagining or reinterpretation because it goes for the same tone, and doesn’t adopt or adapt any of the original lyrical conceits. The one thing it does have is a Cascada remix. Yes, that Cascada. I have no idea why, but it exists.

#18 - “Going Home” (Theme from Local Hero) - Mark Knopfler’s Guitar Heroes

Produced by Guy Fletcher

Oh, so I guess this episode really will get as serious as cancer. This one might take a while to explain. So in 1983, Bill Forsyth wrote and directed Local Hero, a highly-acclaimed comedy drama that is actually former US Vice President Al Gore’s favourite film. Its soundtrack features a five-minute instrumental piece known as the “Theme of the Local Hero”. I’ve never seen the film so I don’t know how exactly it appears or makes sense within its narrative but I do know it has far transcended its origin. “Going Home” was the first single in Mark Knopfler’s solo career and has become a staple in both his and his band’s live performances, as well as becoming another theme, now for Knopfler’s home football team, Newcastle United. It’s probably the most lukewarm take of all time to say that “Going Home” is a beautiful piece, it honestly gives me goosebumps from its transcendent new-age introduction and excellently distant sax from Michael Brecker, that eventually transform into a very 80s-sounding but still profoundly triumphant jam that emulates the feeling of a journey in the UK pretty well. Maybe that’s what the film’s about, I don’t know. It peaked at #56 in 1983, whilst Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” was #1 - good week for rock epics, I guess.

If you know Knopfler from anything, it’s likely his band Dire Straits, one of the few important British rock bands that hit #1 in the States and never back over here on the islands - their #1 is of course “Money for Nothing”. The legacy of Dire Straits is not something tangible for me or that I’ve ever really understood, their sound was varied and evolved through what was ultimately a very short career. They’re not a legendary act but are still big names and incredibly well-connected, especially Knopfler, who has played and produced extensively for many artists and soundtracks. In January, Knopfler sold over 100 of his guitar and amp equipment at auction and in March, he’s compiled a charity ensemble to cover “Going Home” in support of cancer awareness.

Its status as a charity single is the only possible explanation for why this nearly 10 minute instrumental piece even touched the charts let alone the top 20, but it is stuffed with big names, from rock icons like Brian May, RIngo Starr and Joan Jett and newer cats like Sam Fender and Orianthi to genuine oddballs like Keiji Haino and head-scratching inclusions like, uh, Brad Paisley, who I will only ever remember for “Accidental Racist”. There are over 60 musicians on this record and damn near all of them contributed through their guitar playing, other than Ringo on drums, The Who’s Roger Daltrey on my favourite, the harmonica (that you can barely hear at times - Daltrey’s harmonica should be put to better use), and a few others. You can tell that Fletcher and Knopfler did their best job to try and collate recordings that were clearly from different times, places, equipment set-ups and audio qualities, but this is still basically a meandering pile of guitar overdubs that lasts longer than some full EPs and doesn’t really let you register any single guitarist as them playing. The collectiveness of it may just be the point, to show a united front against cancer or what have you, and there’s definitely a lot to appreciate if you’re an in-depth fan of guitar playing or a guitarist yourself, of which I’m not. I will admit, this is genuinely impressively easy to sit through for how lengthy it is, largely because of the dexterity on display, the fact that the melody of the original “Going Home”, even when developed on in the many ways it is within this piece, is still so infectious, and also because it comes out of not just cynical philanthropy but a genuine passion for the guitar as an instrument. The cover art is a Sgt. Peppers parody of the musicians standing in front of a famous guitar shop in London, and the wide array of musicians from a lot of different genres, eras and even techniques shows how wide and universal this feels an appreciation of the guitar… but I’ll say what my dad always said about Dire Straits (because, really, dads are the only people with viable Dire Straits opinions): “it all becomes much of a muchness.” My favourite of theirs is “Walk of Life” by the way, it’s so goofy. Love it.

#14 - “FRI(END)S” - V

Produced by Connor McDonough and Riley McDonough

V is the latest of the BTS boys to release a solo English single, seemingly leading towards a solo career like Jung Kook, with credits stacked full of Anglophone pop songwriters and production from the McDonough brothers that results in a very serviceable pop song that I’m not sure would get much attention outside of the fact that it’s a BTS member, hence why sales jacked this one’s chart position up so high. It’s not a bad little song at all, in fact I like the distorted guitar lick and the amount of emotion V shows in his vocals despite all the effects, he has a real unique texture against the slodgier indie drums and the infectious bed of harmonies in the pre-chorus. The one way I could see this getting big organically would be that fun albeit gimmicky chorus that makes this an anti-climactic friend zone anthem, though the gimmick wears off after the second time and doesn’t really develop into anything new in the second chorus other than some pretty gross, reverb-drenched spectacle. I usually wouldn’t give this manufactured bedroom pop much more of the time of day but there’s not much in the way of obnoxious performance or toxic lyrics here, it’s just that it really could be any other vaguely bitter male singer’s song. The first most obvious comparison is Joji due to their vocal textures, but Charlie Puth or Lauv could have easily made this work too, though probably not as well as V does here, especially not Puth. God, that would be horrible. Thank God for BTS that this song was never offered to Puth (not that he’d accept a song he didn’t spend 20 hours writing and producing himself, of course). Ugh, enough Puth talk, let’s end the episode.

Conclusion

God, this was not a great week, huh? Even if I’m not fussed about the new version, the composition of “Going Home” makes Mark Knopfler and friends get a lock for Honourable Mention, and it really does end up as the song with the most - if not the only - human passion in this selection. Worst of the Week goes to Meghan Trainor, surprise, surprise, for “Been Like This” with T-Pain, and that’s all. Future, Shakira, O-Rod, Tyla, Hozier, Headie One, Artemas, Cardi B, Lil Nas X, Bryson Tiller, they could all hypothetically show up next week and it would be a big one, so prepare for that and who knows what else? It’s 2024, anything can chart. As for now, thank you for reading, rest in peace to Cola Boyy but we go on and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song reviews #mark knopfler #guitar heroes #dire straits #v #jax jones #zoe wees #cascada #meghan trainor #t-pain

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 16/03/2024 (Ariana Grande's eternal sunshine, 4batz/Drake)

For a fourth week, Beyoncé holds the throne on the UK Singles Chart with “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM”. Outside of that, it’s Ariana Grande week, so welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

Before we get to Ari or, well, anything else, we always start with our notable dropouts, those being songs dropping out of the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the region or a peak in the more prestigious top 40. This week in particular, we bid adieu to: “Overcompensate” by twenty one pilots (not a surprise there, it seems like a pretty inaccessible lead single), “Forever” by Noah Kahan, “On My Love” by Zara Larsson and David Guetta, “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman, “Perfect (Exceeder)” by Mason and Princess Superstar and finally, “Popular” by The Weeknd, Playboi Carti and Madonna.

As for our re-entries and gains, God, it was a big day for those this week, especially given not much else was going on between the top 20 and well, everything else. Mitski’s “My Love Mine All Mine” is back at #75, “Make You Mine” by Madison Beer is back at #53 (great!) and two well-deserved awards show boosts are present here - Jungle, the BRIT Awards’ Best British Group, re-enter at #43 with the incredible “Back on 74” and thanks to Billie Eilish getting her Oscar win for Best Original Song, the equally incredible “What Was I Made For?” zooms back at #16. It’s pretty impressive that there are four re-entries here, all in vastly different spaces of the chart, and they’re all fantastic. As for the gains, we see a lot, scouring pretty much all of the chart, so let’s any% speedrun this section: “Thank You (Not So Bad)” by FBI’s top six most wanted criminals at #68, “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift at #65, “Happier” by The Blessed Madonna and Clementine Douglas at #61 and okay, break - that song apparently samples “Du hast” by Rammstein, which I just didn’t hear last week when it debuted. Despite being a classic on rock radio all over Europe, the song never charted in the UK’s top 100, and I always preferred “Sonne”. Now back to the list: “Would You (go to bed with me?)” by Campbell and Alcemist at #60, “ONE CALL” by Rich Amiri at #59, freaking “Baby Shark” at #57, “I Remember Everything” by Zach Bryan featuring Kacey Musgraves at #55, “Green & Gold” by Rudimental and Skepsis featuring Charlotte Plank and Riko Dan at #54 (not really excited for how a trend of the 2020s is having so many artists credited), “FE!N” by Travis Scott featuring Playboi Carti at #41, “Evergreen” by Richy Mitch & the Coal Miners at #37, “Austin” by Dasha at #25, “Kitchen Stove” by Pozer at #22, and finally, thanks to the release of her album, “yes, and?” by Ariana Grande rebounds to #6, just outside the range for our next segment.

Now for our top five, starting with “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #5, “End of Beginning” by Djo at #4, and Ariana Grande landing her second top 10 hit in this week, the clunkily two-titled “we can’t be friends (wait for your love)” at #3. Obviously, there’s more on that later. As for the rest, it’s to be expected: Beyoncé leads and the pack and Benson Boone’s “Beautiful Things” isn’t far behind at #2. Now for… less beautiful things, let’s dissect some of the new entries we have here.

New Entries

#71 - “if u think i’m pretty” - Artemas

Produced by Artemas and Daintree

Alright, I’ll bite: who the Hell are Artemas? Or Daintree for that matter? Well, Artemas Diamandis is a budding singer-songwriter with a questionable moustache who’s popular on social media, with this being a breakout hit from October last year, though it now of course has slowed and sped-up versions because the world is not safe from TikTok’s impact on popular music. Daintree seems to be Artemas’ go-to producer, and the two wrote this alt-pop song about a toxic relationship where to put it bluntly, he needs to pick up his standards. There’s a unique androgyny to Mr. Diamandis’ voice and it actually meshes very well - at least his falsetto does - into the vaguely eerie synth distortion and haunting elements very fitting for a song released in late October. I think the effects end up a bit overdone sometimes, attempting to make up for an underwritten song, and I really don’t like how the snare sounds, even if the constantly repeating vocal chop, and the way the lead vocal melody ends up stuck in a jam with it, is really clever, there was a lot of effort put into the song’s sound design, it just doesn’t really translate into a full song for me, especially at barely two minutes. Cool ideas are definitely here though.

#70 - “Uh Uh” - Clavish and Fredo

Produced by KP Beatz

We don’t have many other new names here: Clavish, Fredo, Nathan Dawe - they’re staples of UK chart weeks in the 2020s - and Drake and Ari are inescapable, so this’ll be a pretty familiar episode I feel, which is kind of refreshing. I mean, I’ve been listening to ratrace90210 and Yeat and Butterfly Boy, there’s something relaxing about knowing partly what you’ll have to say about something going into it. With that said, even I was surprised with how cheap and basic the piano and flute sounds in this beat were, the piano in particular really sticks out and unintentionally sounds off-beat due to just how basic the loop is. I would prefer for more layers of the RPG-sounding flute, but once the trap beat comes in, it’s easy to ignore some of the lacking melodies, it goes pretty hard and has much more of a pace than Clavish’s usual output. He’s definitely improving as a rapper too, the sheer length that he goes on for considering the wordy flow and delivery he chooses is kind of impressive and there are some interesting lines, particularly when he… denies living the life in his raps which is just surprising if anything. The way the “uh-uh” ad-lib is implemented sounds a bit tacky sometimes but given the rhyme scheme often delivers a similar sound, it can be pretty seamless sometimes as a call-and-response, it’s just a shame that Clavish doesn’t have the personality to sell it more. Fredo does though and this is an incredible verse from him. His cold rhetorical questions, much more developed rhyme schemes than Clavish, and how much more command he has of his flow despite using a similar one to his fellow rapper and even taking time to be further off of the beat… it really shows who’s been in the game for longer. “I hit any girl I want like a woman beater” is a crazy bar though, I have no idea how to feel about that, and he doesn’t really give you the time to think about it.

#66 - “We Ain’t Here for Long” - Nathan Dawe

Produced by Nathan Dawe, Neave Applebaum and Punctual

Nathan Dawe and its three ghost producers are back in the top 75 with a song I… already had liked? Yeah, this song is from early February, and I don’t know in what context I heard it but I should say that this is, for Dawe’s standard, a pretty great track. The singer is Sam Harper, a songwriter who’s worked with… BTS? Damn, well, okay, make that bank, girl, you can probably live off of that and don’t need to take credit for the heavily filtered vocals here that stand out in a mix that feels a bit barebones: it has the boiled-down essentials of a modern Eurodance jam but not much more, and that really picks up the pace in an “end-of-the-world” kind of way. She sings that she’s barely holding on and she’s got to live her life before it’s gone, with every element of this song feeling like it wants to just make way with itself and flee, and that’s definitely a compliment in this case, there’s a certain frantic sense to how the ATB-esque acoustic guitar drop is placed into staccato formation like old video game music. With how much the song wants to be done, you’d think it’d peter out by two minute, but no, we get that fizzling and striking bridge where Harper laments how much she’s doing for other people just to feel empty in return. We immediately get back to dancing of course, but after that resonant bridge, it hits way harder than it did before, with both Harper and Dawe adding little tricks into the final chorus, whether that be a change in the inflection, an added refrain of “I gotta live my life” or a flashy pre-drop glitch. It’s all very obsessed with desperately wanting to stop existing and for a trance song in an ever-increasing dystopia of how we live now, this feels particularly relevant… and it would be pretty poetic for the UK in particular to make this a hit in 2024. And please do, it’s great.

#18 - “act ii: date @ 8” - 4batz featuring Drake

Produced by Untitled Beatz and 40

Okay, firstly: Official Charts Company finally correctly recognises a remix’s popularity and credits accordingly. Nice. Secondly… sigh. So I gave a lukewarm review to Bryson Tiller’s “Whatever She Wants” on its debut week but pretty much immediately, I’m talking the day after, it clicked with me and I’ve been slightly obsessed with it. It actually has me excited for how rappers, singers, rap-singers and sing-rappers are going to implement non-Atlanta trap elements into R&B and vice versa as we get more diversive rap landscape with hyphy, Detroit trap, drill, Jersey club, dembow, Afrobeats and more competing for further influence in mainstream rap. Tiller and the beat both chug at a constant level and only stop to murmur tensely before piling right back into action. The beat sounds like if Rick Ross was on a treadmill and instead of really trying to sing, Mr. Tiller just tries to keep up, even if it leads to him doing brief harmonic riffs and pausing for sound effects. The original “act ii: date @ 8” by 4batz, which lands on its chorus by accident, has a similar appeal in its vintage shimmering keys and more organic-sounding bass, though I hadn’t heard it before the Drake remix. 4batz goes for an adolescent delivery that makes its determined, one-minute-and-done young love feel even more weightless and fluttery. I wish it didn’t go for the cop-out not-really-all-that-chopped and only-technically-screwed outro of course, but otherwise, it’s pretty decent and oh, the big-name remix essentially plays the song unchanged and then has Drake rap over that exhausted, slowed-down version. The youthful, Hell, maybe even childlike, lovestruck song empowered by its brevity is extended to a lethargic nearly four minute track, the majority of which consists of what sounds like a reject from not even For All the Dogs, more like Certified Lover Boy. There’s an oddly homoerotic passage in the middle, then he interpolates the original just to rhyme it with “I’m a stand-up guy like Dave Chappelle”. Sure. If this helps a newer and more interesting R&B artist to launch a career, it’ll be a net positive, but this version is a butchering of the original’s spirit in my opinion.

#13 - “bye” - Ariana Grande

Produced by Ariana Grande, Max Martin and ILYA

Okay, let’s get this out of the way: I liked two tracks off of Ari’s #1 album eternal sunshine: “the boy is mine” and “I wish I hated you”. Like always, her intro was pretty sweet too. I have vaguely more long-form first impressions on RateYourMusic, but I’m mostly just turned off by the nothingness the album presents: a trendy, vaguely pleasant pop-R&B album for sure, but not one that takes many risks - which Ariana can do - or makes use of its more cinematic production to help the songs get any stickier. Sometimes she sticks the landing, but mostly I did not care for it and couldn’t get myself immersed. Yet I’ve been listening to abstract cloud rap, underground plunderphonics of both the folkish ambiance nature and layered nu-disco instrumentation, and primarily, nu metal, so take all of that with a grain of salt. Like I said about 4bats, sometimes I’m not sure why I still write this show. With that said, there’s a lot less I have to say about these Ariana songs than I think I’d have wanted to. This one, strikingly, has had Ariana speak on it being too emotional and her not wanting to erase ALL of the humanity from it. Huh. That’s definitely reflected in the rote disco groove and oddly fuzzy bass which does add some texture but doesn’t make the lead vocal melody in the chorus any less… obvious. In fact, that’s really my main problem with this record: it’s obvious. The pre-chorus sounds genuinely brilliant, this is a gorgeous vocal performance from Ari and that swell is fantastic, but it ends up going for a kiss-off that’s undetailed and non-specific outside of name-dropping her friend Courtney… who the fuck is Courtney? The whole album’s vulnerable but never in a way that fully immersed me, it feels a bit closed-off not in an aggressive way but in a “the bridge over the moat has yet to be lowered kind of way”. Drake’s whole passage about his three different Jasons in “Away from Home” accurately displays my emotional connection with eternal sunshine but the difference here is that Drake very much knows that you don’t know who these people or events are and plays into that to construct his narratives. These Ariana Grande songs just feel oddly distant, and for a triumphant dance-pop song, I want to be IN the moment, not a peasant looking up at a celebration in the tower. Just saying.

#3 - “we can’t be friends (wait for your love)” - Ariana Grande

Produced by Ariana Grande, Max Martin and ILYA

More than half of our debuts this week are in lowercase, I guess this really is a muted week. Speaking of muted, this was oddly a bit of a sleeper hit within the week, having its music video and SNL performance give a lukewarm first day room to breathe and a bit of a boost for the whole album but especially this… and it’s a blocky synthpop pastiche, and I MEAN blocky. One of my least favourite tracks on the album and really one of Ari’s worst ever in my opinion, this goes for the one thing I don’t think she could ever sell: a discussion of Ariana’s relationship with the media, doubling as a relationship story. You can see similar interpretations of thank u, next but even if I don’t like that record, I will give it props for its depths and honestly, its stakes and the tragedy that surrounds that album and its predecessor. This track though... what informed this? What informed the backlash-to-the-backlash towards critics in the chorus? What informed the tumultuous nature of Ariana’s pop culture ups and downs this time? What informed the grotesquely unwarranted orchestral outro? Oh, right, nothing to care about. I used to be a Kanye fan, artful self-indulgence is not something I’m opposed to - Hell, go for it and more - but when the writing is purposefully secretive and vague, the lead vocal melodies are so staccato that Ari has to push character out of them through just her inherent personality, which itself is a fragile beast and most importantly, it sounds a cloudy fuzz of parodic ass with conveyor-belt synths standing sore in the mix… I’m left questioning why I should allow myself to give it my time. Given that ending line of the second verse, it also makes me wonder if Ms. Grande even wants me to. Hard pass on this - “the boy is mine” was right there as a single, this feels like an easy cop-out for an album that had a shaky first week.

Conclusion

Yes, Ari gets Worst of the Week for “we can’t be friends (wait for your love)”, as much as I wish she didn’t, with a Dishonourable Mention to… Drake. Drake gets the Dishonourable Mention for ruining a promising song in “act ii: date @ 8” by 4batz. As for the best, it should be an obvious lock for Nathan Dawe with “We Ain’t Here for Long”, as Artemas taking an Honourable Mention for “if u think i’m pretty”, I could see some better songs coming from this guy if we give him more than one chance at a hit. I don’t envision much of intrigue in the coming week, but regardless, thank you for reading, rest in peace to Eric Carmen, and I’ll see you next week!

#pop music #song review #uk singles chart #ariana grande #eternal sunshine #4batz #drake #nathan dawe #clavish #fredo #artemas #sam harper

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 09/03/2024 (Charli XCX, twenty one pilots, RAYE)

The BRIT Awards have had their impact week - I didn’t watch them, which I know is ridiculous considering the subject matter of my blog. RAYE swept though, and we see that as well as a lot of other nonsense this week. It’s a messy one, not because it’s problematic, more so just because everyone’s here, so it’ll also be a fun one. Beyoncé is at #1 for a third week with “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM”, and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start the show with our notable dropouts, those being songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks within the region or a peak in the top 40 and given the smathering of returns and new tracks, we do see quite a few, though many of them are relegated to shorter-term hits. Those of note we bid adieu to are “16 CARRIAGES” by Beyoncé, “Abracadabra” by Wes Nelson featuring Craig David, “Incredible Sauce” by Giggs featuring Dave, “Eagle” by D-Block Europe and Noizy, “Heather on the Hill” by Nathan Evans, “Runaway” by Ye featuring Pusha T (“FUK SUMN” debuted below #75, hence three-song rule is in action here), “Three Little Birds” by the late Bob Marley & The Wailers, “Rich Baby Daddy” by Drake featuring Sexyy Red and SZA, “Asking” by Sonny Fodera and MK featuring Clementine Douglas, and finally, and I mean, FINALLY, “Riptide” by Vance Joy.

Firstly, I should separate one particular artist, who was not only the artist of the year, but made the album of the year (My 21st Century Blues returns to the albums chart this week at #5) and the song of the year. Ignore that said song released in 2022, but regardless, RAYE had a good showing at the ceremony and it’s clear in a new entry we’ll discuss later, but also our gains and returns - “Prada” with casso and D-Block Europe, a Song of the Year nominee, is up to #18, but at #13, the song it lost to, and a former #1 hit, “Escapism.” featuring 070 Shake re-enters the chart thanks to BRITs support and given this song’s longevity, probably another wind. It did help that both of those songs were conveniently performed at the award show.

Now for the others, we see a nice return for “Disconnect” by Becky Hill and producers of the year Chase & Status at #67, likely boosted by its BRITs performance, which also helped “greedy” by Tate McRae, Best International Song nominee, up to #22. Sadly, neither Jungle or Kylie have much to speak for their BRITs performances impacting the chart but otherwise, we have other Best International Song nominee “Water” by Tyla at #49 and some residual performance gains for the already gaining “Never be Alone” by Becky Hill and Sonny Fodera at #23. Our other gains are probably, if not definitely, unrelated, including boosts for “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers at #61, “FE!N” by Travis Scott featuring Playboi Carti at #47, “Whatever She Wants” by Bryson Tiller at #20 (really not expecting this comeback), “Scared to Start” by Michael Marcagi at #16 and finally, to prove that notable gains aren’t healthy gains, Ella Henderson and Rudimental find their way to the top 10 once again with “Alibi”.

This week, our top five starts with Rich the Kid because, of course it does. There is no God. Hitler, Goebbels, Himmler and Goring are at #5 with “CARNIVAL”, whilst we see a push for Djo at #4 with “End of Beginning”, then Teddy Swims with “Lose Control” at #3 and Benson Boone at #2 with “Beautiful Things”, and of course, Queen Bey at the top. Now for our potpourri of new entries, starting with Madonna - but not the one you’re thinking of.

New Entries

#71 - “Happier” - The Blessed Madonna featuring Clementine Douglas

Produced by Clementine Douglas, Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, Pat Alvarez and The Blessed Madonna

These credits perplex me. They imply that the song was produced primarily by The Blessed Madonna with vocals by Clementine Douglas but in fact, Douglas helped produce alongside two other producers, one of which, Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, is a pretty big name who probably shouldn’t miss out on a credit. I know this is all arbitrary but I have to find something to talk about in this completely serviceable house tune. It’s got a punchier vintage groove to it thanks to the Dinosaurs and The Blessed Madonna, a DJ you probably know through Best Pop Act winner Dua Lipa’s remix album or collaborations with Best Dance Act nominee Fred again.., and yet it still just goes in one ear and out the other. Why is that? Well, despite an infectious hook, it’s lacking in quantity of hooks, it feels too reliant on that one phrase being sung by a pretty unremarkable vocalist in the form of Douglas, and its strays away from form seem to be out of necessity more than artistic intent. The little switch-ups whether they be the synth stab build-ups, complete readjustment of the drums, they all feel secondary to a groove that just chugs and chugs in a very deadweight manner, especially with that practically non-existent drop. As it is, it’s completely fine - I can even see it growing on me - but I’m surprised this is charting at all considering these aren’t massive names and this song, outside of a couple cool ideas, is not exactly making a name for itself. Just functioning.

#69 - “Green & Gold” - Rudimental and Skepsis featuring Charlotte Plank and Riko Dan

Produced by Rudimental, Skepsis, Billen Ted and Slim Typical

There are three members of Rudimental, Skepsis is one guy and then both Billen Ted and Slim Typical are duos, meaning this song not even reaching three minutes was produced by, hypothetically, eight people. I bring this up because really, production-wise, this could easily be a solo effort from a more dedicated and underground producer, or Hell, if you want to be generous, you could get something more interesting out of a winning trio like Skrillex-Four Tet-Fred again.., or you know, that famous drum and bass trio Rudimental? It’s not like there are too many cooks in the kitchen either because this is fully in the space Rudimental and Skepsis are familiar with, there’s a vaguely reggae-influenced loop replicated in the trickling electronics and beeping bass, with a smoky female vocal lead and eventually, oddly throaty bass desperately trying to keep up with preset breakbeats. I like the airy atmosphere fine, the content is in that specific arena between nondescript and nonsensical that ChatGPT usually hits, and we have an inane inclusion of a Riko Dan verse. If you know Riko Dan from anywhere, it’s because he was a member of the grime crew Roll Deep (though he barely appears on their hits), and he brings his distinct accent and energy to the song, but isn’t given much time or space - why not have him holler his ad-libs all throughout the track? Get a real MC vibe going with that, it could bring more character to a frankly worryingly lifeless drum and bass tune. The outro is a nice touch - on a worse day, or maybe without five other dudes, Rudimental wouldn’t bother with that - but it’s too little, too late for what otherwise doesn’t seem to serve much of a purpose at all. Pretty disappointing.

#68 - “Wasted Youth” - goddard. featuring Cat Burns

Produced by Jonny Coffer, Chase & Status and goddard.

Maybe producer Andrew Goddard, or just goddard., can bring something interesting to the EDM debuts, of which there are a lot of this week. He’s famous for his remix of Cat Burns’ big hit “go” so another collaboration makes perfect sense and there’s already six versions so that’s how you know it’s a hit. Jokes aside, this is pretty good - the sombre acoustics are filtered to allow for Burns’ bitter post-breakup vocals to shine, and the progression doesn’t feel as contrived as, say, Rudimental’s. Now all of that doesn’t matter because the drop is just scuzzingly hard. goddard. delivers a punchy, borderline industrial bass that has me wondering why he stylises himself in lowercase instead of block capitals, alongside a differently pitched vocal that makes the separation between verse and hook much more distinct and impactful, especially with the rubbery glitch of the bass that eventually absorbs other elements of the track, like Burns’ lead vocal. The best part of this may be that there’s an actually meaningful bridge, albeit a short one, that develops the song until its abrupt end. My main complaint here is the personality of the vocal of which there practically is none, and there’s nothing particularly potent lyrically that makes this a great song, but I’ll be damned if goddard. didn’t try alongside producers of the year Chase & Status, with his VIP mix being even more to the point and alien, probably my favourite version… if it weren’t for the incredibly creative remixes.

I’m not one to cover all versions of a song but there are a bunch of different creative reinventions of this song here, a trio in fact. The first is an absolutely killer hardcore remix by [IVY] that twists the drum and bass frolick into a thump that elevates the existing drop to a festival stage that Cat Burns’ vocal probably didn’t deserve. Yes, it is my favourite version, mostly for how it relegates the drum and bass elements for a bizarre post-drop, where they become so buzzy and distorted that it’s practically indistinguishable from the bass synth and the filters placed on Burns to make her sound utterly inhuman. The cascading of fuzzy synth in the second build-up is beautiful and the manic despair it leads into is just brilliant dissonance. Now where it gets real interesting is the ozone remix, which brings in Enya to the mix, specifically the song made famous through sampling like three or four times at this point, and that eerie tone the sample often carries takes on a new, filthy tone with the ripping, ravishing bass and trainwreck drums, interrupted at every angle by what sounds like a bark of Cerberus. [IVY] builds upon “Wasted Youth”, ozone brings in elements of another classic only to deconstruct the two songs simultaneously in complete disregard of their elements, so what does Serum do? He only samples the ozone remix, of course, making a remix of a remix that in itself remixes yet another song known for its remixes. Serum adds an acoustic guitar as well as a swinging Afrobeats groove, only for it to blast through the necessities by the time we get to the drop, including the Enya loop much more prominently to place against complete implosions of bass, warped and distorted to really non-mainstream capabilities, simultaneously boiling the song down to only its most tense staccato elements. None of these remixes meaningfully adjust the structure of “Wasted Youth” but they all tear it apart sonically and recreate it in really fascinating ways that make me almost want to give the original more props… but these remixes aren’t the songs charting. The original is what’s credited and unfortunately is what I have to consider but do note, these are some killer alternate versions.

#57 - “Austin” - Dasha

Produced by Travis Heidelman

Alright, I’ll bite: who the Hell is Dasha? Well, according to her obvious press release of a Genius profile, she’s a pop singer from California, which contrasts a bit with this song, a back-to-basic country hoedown that’s a bit too well produced to convince me it isn’t a California pop singer trying to emulate that sound. She doesn’t even try for a twang, though maybe that’d be for the best. Outside of that, I pretty much have no gripes with this, it’s excellent country pop. If you ever have read this blog, you’d know I’m a stickler for detail in lyrics, especially narrative-driven pop tracks, and this does it incredibly well, painting a story about two young lovers. Dasha makes plans with this guy to leave Texas for LA and move onto bigger things but he ditches her last minute and this is her lament of the betrayal, not dissimilar to the late Toby Keith’s “How Do You Like Me Now?!”, except somehow less pissy and unjustifiably mean, which is kind of what sells that song for me, and Dasha doesn’t exactly have a smoky rasp that fully convinces me on its content, like an Elle King would, but she definitely has a power to her voice that accentuates some of the more vulnerable elements of this story, like how she runs out of breath on that first lead chorus melody, leading for the wistful backing vocals to echo her and fill in the blanks, how she can’t really finish the word “Austin”, referring to the city in Texas but of course here, it could also be the guy’s name. Of course, I would love for a good bridge here, but as it is, this is a vengeful frolick that stops at dismissing the guy entirely, more so promising to herself that she will forget about her. It’s no shock to me that a compelling story and infectious hook alongside the relatively organic sounding fiddle and acoustics could go viral and become a sleeper hit in this way, even if it’s not as organic industry-wise as it may be sonically, and if we in the UK end up getting more country hits that not even the US will touch, I’m here for it, especially if it’s from rightfully pissed-off women in country. We need more songs from them in the mainstream.

#53 - “stayinit” - Fred again.., Lil Yachty and Overmono

Produced by Fred again.., Overmono, Boo and Joy Anonymous

Like his partner Skrillex, Best Dance Act nominee Mr. Again has a tendency to skewer these strange collaborations together and thanks to him, now we have a team-up between rapper-turned-whatever-he-feels-like-that-day Lil Yachty and DJ duo Overmono, who I’m not familiar with but have a following for their atmospheric UK bass and future garage tunes so I was definitely expecting something interesting and not necessarily chart-friendly here. We also get original vocals instead of a sample like with Baby Keem on “leavemealone”, as Yachty sings here - albeit awkwardly - in a filter that makes him sound like he’s crooning to you but with a very large fan in the middle. His warbling vibrato is cute and his sentimental mantra would work in a more sentimental track, but this goes for full eerie future garage, Burial-style but a tad sharper and edgier, and I have no idea why they did that. It doesn’t sound bad, it’s pretty alarming, it may reflect some darker moments about contemplating ending the life Lil Boat’s begging this person to stay in, but I don’t think there’s enough lyrically for that to fully work. There is enough detail and it’s oddly poetic for Yachty, especially that main line “you’ve got a life, stay in it”, it’s kind of potent, but it feels mismatched with thenumb violence of its instrumental. He feels like a lost optimist stepping into the wrong narrow back alley, and the song completely gives up on adjusting for him. It’s a shame, but this honestly just baffles me more than anything. Some collaborations may not need to happen, Fred.

#51 - “Cuban Links” - Skrapz, Nines and D-Block Europe

Produced by EmzBeats and chucks

Keeping up with these nondescript UK rappers can be difficult, man, I had to check what Skrapz had done prior to his #10 album Reflection and it seems like his main route to fame is collaborating with the immensely dull Nines, and that’s not changed, but thankfully, we have two certified weirdos here to cancel them out. First of all, there’s no reflection here at all over this liquid acoustic guitar and stale trap beat, he says he has a lion as a pet for God’s sake.When Skrapz started off the song, I just thought he was Nines mixed weirdly, but then Nines came in for the second verse and I realised just how further off rhythm the real deal’s rambles are. He doesn’t feel like a real rapper sometimes. Neither do DBE, of course, as Young Adz carries the very catchy chorus, as he tends to do, it really has everything I’d want from his hooks: a meandering refusal to stick to one flow or melodic idea, “ski!” ad-libs and some bizarrely infectious non-sequiturs. It is genuinely insane how much better this beat sounds with Adz and Dirtbike Lb on it than it does for Nines and Skrapz, this is a killer verse from Dirtbike, I’m being serious. The flows are effortless and he has some pretty smooth-sounding rhyme scheme ideas throughout. It even has the weird eerie outro where the entire song devolves like some DBE songs end with, I don’t even know why Skrapz and Nines are on here, let alone the primary artist. They feel added on in post to what would be a pretty above-par D-Block Europe song. Man, it’s really worrying when these are the guys saving your songs.

#46 - “Doctor (Work it Out)” - Pharrell Williams featuring Miley Cyrus

Produced by Pharrell Williams

This is the newest single by award-winning record producer Pharrell Williams featuring guest vocals from pop star and International Artist of the Year nominee Miley Cyrus. It consists of a funk groove with slick guitars and raspy vocals from Ms. Cyrus about making love to her partner. It has a chorus and bassline and a mix. This has actually existed since the Bangerz era which begs the question of: how is this so safe and boring? Both of these artists can be genuinely batshit when they feel like it so whenever they put out anything in this very familiar vein, it’s just an immediate disinterest from me, especially if it’s going to be a collaboration between the two making the thing that both of them do “best”: vaguely existent funk-pop. I’ll give it a fair shake when these two give the prospect of being in any way compelling another try.

#42 - “Dizzy” - Olly Alexander

Produced by Danny L Harle

The multinational song contest Eurovision is on its way in May, and we’re bringing our best and brightest to the competition in Malmo this year! And by that, I mean Danny L Harle because the Years & Years guy’s identity crisis has gotten to breaking point: he’s had to rebrand his former group Years & Years as Olly Alexander (Years & Years), which is now the credit given to songs created and performed by the group, not just the solo act version. Well, it’s not exactly classy, or really all that sensical, but I suppose he wants everything in one place, even if that means work is attributed to the wrong person. I don’t know why complaining about credits has been the major theme. Regardless, this is probably the guy’s best song in years, largely because of the intricacies that Mr. Harle and his fellow former PC Music fellow EASYFUN can bring to the mix, with some sparkling Pet Shop Boys synths in the right channel, a thumping Eurodance beat and enough space to show off Alexander’s vocals whilst also adding a lot of little tiny filters and soundbites in the mix to make it interesting as a studio performance, distracting you from the lack of personality. That aforementioned Pet Shop Boys lead ends up transforming into Christmas-esque bells in the chorus alongside a weirdly lo-fi crackle that makes it a lot more interesting of an otherwise simplistic and expected chorus. This is by all means an utterly serviceable song in good hands, rather than a song that feels constructed from the bottom up, but sometimes for Eurovision, that’ll work. It’s fine, we could do well with this. We’re Britain, though, so catastrophic failure is in the cards as always.

#38 - “Worth It.” - RAYE

Produced by Mike Sabath

She didn’t even perform this one, but you win that many awards, you basically get a free debut and since I don’t think this’ll stick around for much longer even if it is kind of a single, I’ll try to be brief, especially since I don’t like this one too much. Despite the melodramatic presentation that plagues all of the albums, for better and for worse, this is one of the less substanceful tracks, a bit confused about how seriously it wants to take itself considering the direly joyless composition placed against pop culture references and stammering over a tinny funk guitar. Sure, there’s some weight to the horns but this feels like a bit of a stodge overall. She’s having fun on it, sometimes, and Sabath is showing off his compositional and mixing skills… sometimes? Definitely an awkward one for me, edging close to being decent, but even then not in a particularly interesting way.

#34 - “Overcompensate” - twenty one pilots

Produced by Paul Meany and Tyler Joseph

Overcompensate indeed. You make one album that sounds just like The Killers and your next lead single starts with an abrasive industrial drone accompanied with a cacophony of incomprehensible German spoken word chatter, before dropping into a pulsating punk drive that seems to want to lure me into the lore of Trench once again, as if that last album didn’t exist at all. Maybe a smart move for the fans, but I do feel a bit lost here. The blasts of saxophones add to the intensity, and the droning vocals from Mr. Joseph strain motionlessly over the chaos in a pretty interesting manner that could definitely lead to an interesting, dark song… that gets ret-conned by boom bap and yes, overcompensate indeed by the time he’s rapping again, which is something I have never liked about this band, and yes, I know it’s an integral part of their sound. Outside of the Red Hot Chili Peppers-esque chorus, this song just feels alien to me as an outsider of the Skeletons or what have you. On a sonic level, it’s like seven songs smashed into one project file, and on a lyrical level, it seems to actively push me out of understanding it because I’m 1.) not the demographic and 2.) not willing to envelop myself in the abstract narrative deep enough because of how unadjusted the song is as a piece of music to what it’s attempting to convey. It’s not surprising to me that I just don’t get this one.

#26 - “Von dutch” - Charli XCX

Produced by EASYFUN

Even with the BRIT Awards and certified, relatively more consistent hitmakers like RAYE, Fred again.., Rudimental, twenty one pilots, DBE, Miley Cyrus and even Pharrell Williams, it’s a mid-week release from Best Pop Act nominee Charli XCX of all people with production from EASYFUN of former PC Music fame that debuts the highest of them all. It’s the lead single from her upcoming club record Brat and that’s a damn good way to describe it of course. There’s no attempt to hide her classic obnoxious Auto-Tuned whine that makes up a lot of her more interesting character, and if anything, EASYFUN wants to make this a racket. The vocal editing slurs words together, loops them and places them over gross, faux-cinematic revving that despite her moving onto planes in the music video, still functions as a high-speed car chase, she’s never that far from cars, is she? I can imagine this being the soundtrack to a Formula 1 race or, more accurately, a car crash caught on a dash-cam. I really like Charli XCX, I like noisier, more abrasive dance music, this might even be a bit too annoying for me, mostly because its tension emerges largely from its own decision to be noisy, instead of any actual lyrical tension or a functional structure. I don’t know what level of post-quasi-meta-irony Charli and co. are on at this point, but I think I finally… don’t really get it. Catchy though.

Conclusion

Like I prefaced, it’s weird, it’s messy, and not the greatest week either. Most of it just ended up mediocre or putting some kind of guard up to prevent me from fully getting into it. This may be my boomer moment, ladies and gentlemen, but the conventional country pop song, “Austin” by Dasha gets Best of the Week with an Honourable Mention to “Wasted Youth” by goddard. and Cat Burns, because Chase & Status tend to just land themselves here effortlessly. As for the opposite end of the spectrum, I suppose Rudimental and co. land the Worst of the Week with “Green & Gold” even if it’s not devastatingly bad and I have to tie the Dishonourable Mention between Miley Cyrus and Pharrell Williams with “Doctor (Work it Out)” and honestly, “Overcompensate” by twenty one pilots. It’s a headache to me. As for what’s on the horizon, who cares? Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #charli xcx #twenty one pilots #raye #olly alexander #years & years #pharrell williams #miley cyrus #skrapz #nines #d-block europe #fred again #lil yachty #overmono #dasha #cat burns #goddard #ozone #[IVY] #serum #rudimental #charlotte plank #skepsis #the blessed madonna #clementine douglas

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 02/03/2024 (SZA, Central Cee, Pozer)

Beyoncé may have the #1 for a second week with “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” but the real winners on this UK Singles Chart are songs benefiting from songs above them plundering, partly thanks to everyone’s favourite arbitrary rule, Accelerated Chart Ratio (ACR). I am never explaining that rule, look it up, but you’d think maybe we’d get a surge of new songs, right? No, it’s a pretty minimal week, and I’m not complaining. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40, and we have… unless I’m missing something, surprisingly little of note here? We bid farewell to “BACK TO ME” by Hitler, Goebbels and an uncredited Freddie Gibbs, “Ophelia” by The Lumineers, “Toxic” by Songer (thank God), “Sprinter” by Dave and Central Cee and of course, Lewis Capaldi’s “Someone You Loved” but that’ll be back soon enough.

Okay, so as for returns, we just get Ye’s “Runaway” featuring Pusha T back at #48, but our notable gains are where this week gets actually interesting, because we actually have quite a few, particularly in the top 40, thanks to ACR as mentioned but also potentially some TikTok-related industry politics that probably act in parallel with each other, but we start with “Thank You (Not So Bad)” by way too many brain cells at #68, “Soaked” by Shy Smith at #51, “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo at #44 and “Evergreen” by Richy Mitch & the Coal Miners at #41. Then the top 40, where all Hell breaks loose, though most of these songs are actually pretty good: “Birds in the Sky” by NewEra at #40, “Made for Me” by Muni Long at #37, “Never be Alone” by Becky Hill and Sonny Fodera at #35, “Whatever She Wants” by Bryson Tiller of all people at #31 (and yes, I think I get it now), “On My Love” by Zara Larsson and David Guetta at #28, “Scared to Start” by Michael Marcagi at #22, “Nothing Matters” by The Last Dinner Party at #16, “Lovers in a Past Life” by Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man at #13, and finally - unfortunately - we have “CARNIVAL” by Adolf Hitler and Ty Dolla $ign featuring Playboi Carti at #9. Yes, it’s Rich the Kid’s first top 10 hit and no, you should not care.

Our top five should sound pretty normal, apart from a new entry into the top 10 at #5 as Djo gets his first with “End of Beginning”. I guess Steve Lacy can be a one-hit wonder twice. Aside from that, well, it’s all pretty expected: “Stick Season” by Noah Kahan at #4, “Beautiful Things” by Benson Boone at #3, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #2 and Bey at #1. I like how this top five is a herd of angsty indie rock-adjacent white dudes led by the queen of the hive.

NEW ARRIVALS

#61 - “Love On” - Selena Gomez

Produced by The Monsters & Strangerz and Isaiah Tejada

Man, one of the few times that a mainstream artist releases a well-received and popular album that I think is absolutely brilliant, if not perfect, and none of it charts in the top 75. I’m not revealing who that is, if you know, you know. No worries, guys, we have Selena Gomez instead! God… to be honest, I like to give Selena the benefit of the doubt more than often, and I actually really like this song for its quirks as I’ll discuss later, but it’s pretty funny that this song starts with the French language only for all of that effortlessly seductive aura to be replaced with “Wait ‘til I get my love on”. What? In fact, this song is incredibly clunky in its sexiness or lack thereof, and if you think it’s to fit an already constructed rhyme or construction… why does it sound this awkward and almost improvised? “Screaming yes in quotations”, “night shift but with all the perks” (or Percs?), “why are we conversating over this steak tartare”? Yes, Julia Michaels, I knew you wrote this song before I checked the credits, you didn’t need to make it too obvious. Now I actually love this song, it’s so artfully stupid in execution: Selena sounds Auto-Tuned to Hell as always but it doesn’t grant her any rhythm with that robotic hook slipping over itself, as if the verses don’t embarrass her enough: Isaiah, listen, why leave her only with the clipping bassline and add all those accentuative vocal effects? It’s almost cruelty. She doesn’t even sound like herself on the strained falsetto pre-chorus, especially not those backing vocals which you could easily convince me are Toro y Moi of all people, and the chorus promising that you should just wait until she has her love on before she loves on you, which is… what? Asexuals could write better songs about intimacy, but in all its goofiness, the song ends up winning me over on pure silliness. The production has a straightforward groove but a lovely disco swell to the strings, detailed vocal layering and those phased synths acting as stabs that make Selena’s rhythmic bruising in the chorus sound almost normal are the icing on top. This is an adorable little failure of a song, I kind of admire it. Push it in the same category as “Feather” by Sabrina Carpenter in being loveable nu-disco messes.

#49 - “Showtime” - Catfish and the Bottlemen

Produced by Dave Sardy and Ryan McCann

It’s been a five-year hiatus, but indie rock band Catfish and the Bottlemen are back to music, though with some departures and line-up changes, and oddly enough, all of that ties into the fittingly titled comeback single, “Showtime”. Yes, this song is about the strains of touring and life on the road as part of a band, but how that’s all ultimately worth it for how gratifying it is to make an impact on listeners and be performing to audiences, as well as being with the band members he loves to record and perform with. I love the breakneck pace of the bass and post-punk rhythm of the verses and pre-choruses with that soaring guitar lick, and I think that the lead singer Mr. McCann (of no relation to that one) has a solid control of his distorted nasal tone until that disappointing chorus comes in which doesn’t feel nearly as ambitious or arena-ready as it wants to be, mostly because McCann is mumbling and it halts the momentum of the entire song. Also, it starts really shoddy lyrically, it’s hard to sound profound when half of your chorus is moaning “fuck that shit, get on this”. It does end up contextualising itself better on repetitions, mostly because of the warm finger-snaps in the bridge that eventually evolve into a heartland rolick that gives the final chorus space to breathe in a muddy mix… then seems to never fully get its power back, replacing it with a gross basic synth that parades around a befuddled Bottlemen, until eventually the song is just a lo-fi piano recording that doesn’t feel like it’s entirely warranted its inclusion, though it wraps up the narrative nicely as he comes back home after touring. I really like the sentiment of this song and parts of what it’s going for but the chorus, which really makes or break an anthemic song like this, just loses me, which is really disappointing as the rest of the song focuses entirely on building up to it. I’m sure it’ll be a killer live, but that’s also with the caveat that when performing live, they can mess with the structure, the lyrics and the performance, as well as most importantly for this one, the mix… so I don’t think this song will ever sound as good on record as it could do at a festival, which considering the song’s content, is kind of beautiful.

#29 - “Kitchen Stove” - Pozer

Produced by Young Madz

It’s pretty weird that this is not the first time in recent memory that I’ve never heard of the lead rapper on a track but have seen a dozen or so credits for his producer. Unlike Rich Amiri, this is far from rage however, it’s a drill track, of course, with Young Madz being a New York producer who’s worked with Fivio Foreign, the 41 collective and sadly, Lil Mabu, as well as having produced a previously charting track from Russ Millions. Pozer, on the other hand, has no other songs, with this being a breakout track on TikTok as well as his debut single… that’s being distributed by Sony. Yeah, slick one there. To fully understand this, we need to look back two years for another fluke viral hit, “snowfall” by Øneheart and reidenshi, a Russian space ambient track with over 500 million streams on Spotify - yes, really. It debuted nearly exactly a year after release and eventually peaked at #57 in 2023 whilst Miley Cyrus’ “Flowers” was #1. Øneheart’s follow-up was another ambient track, “this feeling”, which is not nearly as successful and also not as good, mostly because it lacks as sticky of a lead as “snowfall” and falls more into a vaporwave-esque filter of hopelessness which resonates a bit less. It does sound ripe for sampling though, especially that tiny vocal lead at the tail-end, so I guess it makes sense that for a manufactured viral hit, Madz took a sped-up version of the Russian ambient song and put it over some of the most rote, typical Jersey drill percussion possible. He doesn’t do much chopping, mostly because you don’t need to - like I said, that vocal sample would be perfect under Jersey drill, and Madz had the exact same idea, I suppose. Pozer, despite the name, isn’t exactly a bad rapper, his flow is pretty typical but solid and his second verse goes into more introspective and paranoid territory, pretty befitting of the haunting production… my problem is his delivery and the way he’s mixed: he just sounds too obvious. For production as potentially eerie as this, the production needs to be way more textured and dynamic, and Pozer himself needs to be quieter in the mix - as do the bed squeaks. This feels like a perfect lay-up of an idea that would make both a great song and an easy hit just fumbled in execution. It’s still a functional song for sure, but it doesn’t hit the way it absolutely could have.

#18 - “I Will” - Central Cee

Produced by John Alexis and LIOHN

Cench has another single out as he seems to drip-feed these - if he keeps them all on the record, that debut studio album will be more like a greatest hits compilation. As for this new one… first of all, I need this guy to step away from women: he’s awkward, condescending, and has strange fixations on this girl’s mother, how “young” she makes her feel, as well as just the extents of the capabilities of his penis… as well as a song-long hyperfixation on her shaving her privates. Over an Ed Sheeran-sounding beat? The acoustic guitars don’t mesh with the distant vocal loops, his vocal mix sounds horrifically unprofessional as does his complete lack of melodic understanding or personality when trying to sing on the chorus. You’d think he’d try and pick up the rapping to make up for it but he sounds half-dead. Speaking of Ed Sheeran, even he raps better than this - and yes, that includes about sex and relationships. There’s so little in the beat to distract from Cench’s terrible performance and content, so this is just an embarrassing display of everything that he cannot do properly. The second top comment on Genius, so you know, the fans, is asking what the Hell this is, and I can’t say I disagree with the fans in this case. I know you love Drake, it doesn’t mean you have to be him.

#15 - “Saturn” - SZA

Produced by Carter Lang, Rob Bisel, Solomonophonic and Monsune

SZA’s finally released a highly-anticipated song she performed at the GRAMMYs that may be connected to some form of SOS reissue and… oh, this interpolates one of my absolute favourite albums of all time. The opening track to Canadian composer Mort Garson’s peaceful, dynamic and forward-thinking 1976 electronic album Mother Earth’s Plantasia may not be iconic to everyone, but I still get goosebumps listening to it and that’s even outside of its greater context where this is the opening suite to a themed, arguably conceptual record acting as a love letter to two different pets of the musician: the myriad of plants his wife grew in the home, and his admired Moog synthesizer that he composed the entire album on. Sadly, Garson passed in 2008, before the record could gain its underground cult following amongst music fans, and before its official reissue in 2019 which particularly benefits the opening track, which has since been used in advertisements and now ends up interpolated on SZA’s new single, which released as a surprise to her fans and feels like a pretty spiritual return to some of the sounds explored on CTRL, using the sprinkling nostalgic synths of “Plantasia” as a backing for her lamenting of how dull and monotonous life on Earth can be. It’s actually fascinating to use that sample considering how celebratory I’ve always seen Garson’s album of both the natural world and human  influence or appreciation of it, but definitely not a bad one as Lang, Bisel and co. add their own cascading synths to the dejected drum mix and warm guitars that flow this song swiftly into psychedelic territory, especially on the gorgeously harmonic chorus. My favourite moment may be the pre-chorus though, where SZA’s vocal layering filters into the static of both itself and the incessant hi-hat wearing itself out over time. It’s pure escapism for sure, much like a lot of this week, really, but it’s damn effective escapism, pulling you into this forest that, despite my general issue with fade-outs, makes sense to drift out of existence. The song’s about wanting to live on Saturn, I can just imagine that as the song fades out, we pan away from SZA and the camera focuses on the scarce night sky peppered with stars. If a song ever justifies its cop-out ending, then it’s doing something really right.

Conclusion

Yeah, the girlies really won this episode, didn’t they? SZA takes Best of the Week away easily with “Saturn” but “Love On” by Selena Gomez does take the Honourable Mention. As for the Dishonourable Mention, I think Pozer just frustrates me with “Kitchen Stove” whilst Central Cee handedly has the Worst of the Week because Jesus Christ, “I Will” is almost irredeemable on pretty much all fronts. As for what’s new on the horizon in the coming weeks, I’m unsure, but it will be interesting what new stuff arises as a result of the ACR clearout this week. For now, thank you for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #sza #mort garson #central cee #catfish and the bottlemen #pozer #oneheart #selena gomez

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 24/02/2024 (Dua Lipa, Djo, Calvin Harris/Rag'n'Bone Man)

Guess we know who’s winning the Civil War - Beyoncé’s “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” usurps Vermont on the throne of the UK Singles Chart. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

It’s kind of calming to have a week where outside of some new entries, of which there are only a handful to begin with. So, as always, we start with the notable dropouts, which are songs exiting the UK Top 75 (what I cover) after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we bid adieu to a small selection of songs but some of which are pretty important. Sure, I guess we can say good riddance to “MY EYES” by Travis Scott (featuring uncredited vocals from Justin Vernon of Bon Iver and Sampha) and “Body Moving”  by Eliza Rose and Calvin Harris without much fret, but we also see dropouts from the Barbie soundtrack with both “What Was I Made For?” by Billie Eilish and “Dance the Night” by Dua Lipa leaving, as well as Sam Fender’s “Seventeen Going Under” making yet another exit though I’m sure it’ll be back soon enough.

There isn’t much to speak of in our gains, either. The biggest story is probably our list of returns, since the new documentary, Bob Marley: One Love has people rediscovering the reggae legend’s catalogue. His greatest hits album is at #6 on the albums chart and two of his songs with the Wailers return to the top 75. Both songs peaked in 1980, with “Could You be Loved”, now at #51, peaking at #5 whilst Odyssey’s “Use it Up and Wear it Out” was #1 and “Three Little Birds”, now at #56, only peaking at #17, whilst “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” by The Police was #1. Marley would pass just one year after, of course, and it is pretty poetic to have his grandson in the top 10 right now, but just so this episode has some cool chart history trivia, how about we go through the several times these songs have charted? Different recordings of the two songs released in 1984 and 1985 peaked at #71 and #76 respectively. Joe Cocker’s cover of “Could You be Loved” peaked at #86 in 1997, and as far as I can find, no other covers of either song have charted, which kind of surprises me. After all, the latter was recently covered by Maroon 5, I figured they’d hitch a chart spot on name recognition but nope, not even a child singer Connie Talbot could do it in the talent show boom in the 2000s, so I guess Marley’s original really can’t be replaced.

As for the rest of our gains and returns, “Thank You (Not So Bad)” by way too many people who should know better is back at #73 and “Coal” by Dylan Gossett returns to #61. The gains include last week’s debuts, “Made for Me” by Muni Long and “Birds in the Sky” by NewEra at #48 and #44 respectively, “Lil Boo Thang” by the GOAT Paul Russell at #35 and, despite what the Official Charts Company would want you to believe, “Grey” by Yung Filly is at #33. There was an Aitch remix.

This week’s top 5 is actually pretty notable in terms of some shifting tides. We begin with ACR - search it up - striking Noah Kahan’s “Stick Season” down to #5, and then one of a few big debuts with Dua Lipa at #4 with “Training Season”, followed by gains for some white dudes making big moves: “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims at #3 and “Beautiful Things” by Benson Boone at #2, and finally, of course Queen Bey at the top. Now, we don’t have that wide of an array of new entries, or really, many at all, of which I’m pretty grateful for, so let’s zip through them.

New Entries

#66 - “Soaked” - Shy Smith

Produced by BeatBusta

Alright, I’ll bite… who the Hell is Shy Smith and why did they go with that… uncomfortable cover art? Well, this song is actually from 2021, and I assume through TikTok has gone viral, but this isn’t some indie artist as we typically see, this is a Canadian social media star, which makes this song seem a bit more like a joke. That’s a relief since despite being three years old, it sounds like Ciara made this in 2006 with the glassy synths, blocky Timbaland-esque production and squarrelling synth buzz, that is much more “in” now than it ever has been. Part of me understands completely therefore why this is charting now… but then another part of me doesn’t understand why this is charting at all. There’s really nothing to the stifled groove of the beat and it sounds like it actively strains Shy Smith to try having a personality. It’s so clearly going for semi-goofy seduction, but clawing actual intimacy out of this is as hard a job for me as it would have been for the vocal engineers, so I’m really not understanding this one.

#53 - “Whatever She Wants” - Bryson Tiller

Produced by TylianMTB

I always forget Bryson Tiller exists until he shows back up again, and I mean no offence by that as nothing has given me the impression that he’s not talented or a good person, but not a single song has clicked with me, despite having a lot of respect for his mostly singular lane and pioneering of the trap-soul sound. I can think of people who perhaps want to be Bryson Tiller, but I can’t figure out who Bryson Tiller wants to be other than, well, Bryson Tiller, and even if the music doesn’t resonate, I’m happy with that. Problem here is that he’s obviously trying to be Drake. He’s always been the easiest comparison to make with Tiller, but other than the more Detroit-influenced percussion, which really sounds like a typical trap rhythm with a Detroit choice of sounds more than anything, other than an elegant Orion Sum sample… this is just a Drake song. He goes for Drake flows, Drake melodies, even Drake’s uncomfortable whispery ad-libs. You could argue that the influence is mutual, but it is really difficult for me not to see a Drake fan taking the acapella, running it through a Drake voice AI and making something completely believable. Even the content is a slightly less embarrassing Drake riff, which just shows to me that he may be a unique singer, but not so much a rapper. Tylian’s beat is pretty good on this, I will admit, but I’m compelled by Mr. Tiller enough as a unique presence to care much about this. The train-like way the song keeps to an uptempo chug is actually pretty interesting though, it doesn’t feel like it ever wants to stop and take a breath, and Tiller does contribute to that, he’s not a total dud on his own song. He’s not really improving it either, though.

#19 - “Lovers in a Past Life” - Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man

Produced by Calvin Harris and watt

The petty part of me wants to say “2018 called” but this collaboration isn’t dated on arrival: Rag’n’Bone Man is another one of those artists I always forget about until they show up and I think this will just be a repeat of what I said about “Giant” all those years ago. He needs a rough layer of grit under him, not this flashy, sugary house track that he sticks out like a sore thumb over. Now it may not be dated on arrival but it is in execution: this is a tropical house song, and whilst Calvin Harris has always been good at mixing and making his stuff sound professional, this actually detracts from the character-void guitar and four-on-the-floor programming that all just feels rote. He even goes for an ATB-like guitar lick in the drop amidst the house pianos that just doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t dislike this - or at least not that much - I’m just confused by how either artist felt the need to make it, because it really does not work.

#11 - “End of Beginning” - Djo

Produced by Adam Thein and Djo

How do I even begin to pronounce that? Is he D-J-O, Duh-Joe, Joe, Sho? Oh, who am I kidding? It doesn’t matter, you know him as Joe Keery from Stranger Things. He was in a psychedelic band for a while but left and has solo work as a musician out now, with this taking from his second album and not actually released as a single, just a breakout solo hit. Is it good? Well, listen… I wish he knew he wanted Steve. The only buzz I had heard about this is that it sounded just like Mr. Lacy’s “Bad Habit” and well, I actively laughed when certain elements of the song came in because they hit nearly exactly the same way as in that song. This is most likely an influence and definitely not worth suing anyone over, but that’s primarily because neither song is any good. The lyrics are largely about his connection to his home city of Chicago as well as the acceleration of his acting career, making a point about how well, he’s still from Chicago! Whatever version you get of him, Chicago’s still in him. Yeah, it’s safe to say it doesn’t have the lyrical intricacies or at least, intriguing moments, that “Bad Habit” does, or even, and it pains me to say this, its sonic depth, so surely I should like this even less? Well, no. Djo Mama’s voice is a lot less pursuant and awkward than Steve Lacy, who also came up with some actual earworms that I respect but never want to hear again, whilst Djo here is just yapping over some synthpop. Which is fine. Have your fun. My opinion doesn’t matter at the end of the day. Just… maybe make acting a priority.

#4 - “Training Season” - Dua Lipa

Produced by Kevin Parker

I wish Dua found an interesting way to be good. This is a great, funky pop song, a worthwhile follow-up to “Houdini” with some excellent atmosphere mostly found in the dynamic mix that I’m sure Mr. Tame Impala had a lot of involvement with. It may not be a psychedelic song by nature, but there are transitory phases that absolutely show he was on the boards for. This feels like a sequel to “Houdini”, if that’s not already the intention, as Dua isn’t being the carefree love-them-and-leave-them anymore, she’s genuinely frustrated that she doesn’t have a more consistent and intimate relationship. She’s sick of being in control in these relationships - if they can be called such - and wants someone to go there, to actually mean something to her and put that effort in. Yet it doesn’t hit as much as I want it to… it may be the replacement of the rubbery bass from “Houdini” with a focus on soaring psychedelic synths and a guitar tone I’m not really big on in the chorus. Maybe it’s just that this funk-pop sound isn’t all that new and in that case, it’s impressive that Dua has made it this far without sounding boring.

Conclusion

With that said, she still obviously gets Best of the Week because good God, this was a mediocre set. Honourable and Dishonourable Mentions would be overly charitable probably, but I am going to give Bryson Tiller some benefit here, specifically because “Whatever She Wants” does have a decent instrumental, whilst Djo takes the Dishonourable Mention for “End of Beginning”, God, even the title is awkward. As for the worst, Shy Smith I think takes this handedly for “Soaked” but… will it even last a second week? I don’t know, it’s easily the least essential and least likely to last song that debuted. As for what’s on the horizon… I don’t know. Thank you for reading, rest in peace to Steve Wright and I’ll see you next week!

#rag n bone man #calvin harris #uk singles chart #pop music #song review #dua lipa #djo #bryson tiller #shy smith

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 17/02/2024 (Beyoncé, VULTURES 1)

For a seventh week, Noah Kahan stays strong at #1 with “Stick Season” - but it’s Bey season and Ye season… no, those words don’t rhyme, and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

Welp, as always, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the top 75 and a peak in the top 40, and this week, we bid adieu to: “HISS” by Megan Thee Stallion (that was quick), “Gas Me Up (Diligent)” by Skepta, “Feather” by Sabrina Carpenter, “When We Were Young (The Logical Song)” by David Guetta and Kim Petras, “Surround Sound” by JID featuring 21 Savage and Yung Baby Tate, “Northern Attitude” by Noah Kahan, “Runaway” by Ye featuring Pusha T, “Can’t Catch Me Now” by Olivia Rodrigo, “Is it Over Now?” by Taylor Swift, “Black Friday” by Tom Odell, “Agora Hills” by Doja Cat, “My Love Mine All Mine” by Mitski and finally, “Baddadan” by Chase & Status and Bou featuring IRAH, Flowdan, Trigga and Takura. Yeah, bit of a bloodbath here.

You know, we actually have barely any returns or gains as a result of the influx of 13 new songs, so we have some vague post-GRAMMYs impact and that’s kind of all, with it mostly being in our returns - “Coal” by Dylan Gossett at #73 (probably not GRAMMYs), “FE!N” by Travis Scott featuring Playboi Carti at #71 and on a much more positive note, Tracy Chapman’s classic original version of “Fast Car” all the way at #38. It first charted at 1988 and peaked at #5 (when Glenn Madeiros’ schmaltzy “Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You” was #1) and then returned in 2011 and peaked at #4, when… “Party Rock Anthem” was #1. This won’t last or peak nearly as high, but it improves the net quality of the chart for the time it’s here. As for the gains, “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift at #57 and “Home” by Good Neighbours at #34. Yup.

As for our top five, we see Mr. YG Marley creep in maybe in part to his grandfather’s documentary as “Praise Jah in the Moonlight” is at #5. Then “Lose Control” by Mr. Teddy Swims is at #4, “Beautiful Things” by Mr. Benson Boone is at #3, “Murder on the Dancefloor”by Sophie Ellis-Bextor breaks my gag at #2 and finally, Noah is building his seven-week ark at #1. Now our real stories, of course, are in our influx of new entries, many of which are pretty damn high and have exceedingly more to talk about than I wish they did, so I suppose let’s start rounding those off.

New Entries

#64 - “ONE CALL” - Rich Amiri

Produced by Rio Leyva and Zuko

Now, I am not familiar with Rich Amiri, which is a pretty generic rap name all things considered so for all I know, I’ve listened to his mixtape, but I am familiar with some of his producers. Rio Leyva has credits across a lot of recent pop-rap mainstays like Lil Tecca, The Kid LAROI and even Yeat, and he tends to produce in a style many would say is rage-adjacent… so it makes sense that this is a rage song, with some genuinely wiry, menacing leads in the synths and a dirty, factorial trap skitter. The song’s barely two minutes, so it doesn’t really give Mr. Amiri much time to even finish his one verse, which is full of personality-void Auto-Tune and mindless repetition, but he isn’t exactly derivative of any specific person, it just sounds like he hasn’t figured out his exact voice yet, which is expected with up-and-coming rappers. The content obviously isn’t worth speaking of - it’s just flexing and violence and sex all delivered pretty plainly - but he’s not the worst at it? I don’t know, this is great production but I feel like there are rappers who could make this pop out a bit more. Maybe 454, SoFaygo, someone with a high-pitched squawk to make this feel dynamic? If you still want to go for relentless cool, get Thouxanbanfauni on the remix and this could be a slam dunk.

#62 - “Made for Me” - Muni Long

Produced by Jermaine Dupri, Bryan-Michael Cox and JordanXL

“Hrs and Hrs” is not a song I remember much at all let alone fondly, but the voice behind Muni Long is Priscilla Renea, a very prolific songwriter, so I imagine that with Jermaine Dupri on the boards, there could be some R&B wizardry to make her chances at a second hit much more solidified. As for if I like it or not, well, I can see it being a hit considering the 2000s throwback sound with the classy (yet almost basic-sounding) pianos, even down to the groove and the incessant sound effect that’s a bit distractingly loud in the mix, but by the end of the song, you almost forget it’s there and think it would sound weird if it wasn’t. Even if I generally like this song, I don’t really think it fits the song too much, which is about finding your soulmate and… NOT losing them. There should be some grandiosity to this, especially with that powerful voice and chorus, but it feels a bit lost in its own attempt to be “cool”, which… I don’t know, will it be a theme this episode? Probably not, but the first two songs definitely share the element of just not going far enough with good ideas. This is still a solid tune, though.

#60 - “Dance Alone” - Sia and Kylie Minogue

Produced by Jesse Shatkin and Jim-E Stack

Sia. Kylie. Two pop stars of very, very different prepositions but ultimately in the same niche. I have no hopes for anything Sia does, pretty much, never liked her, but what else would I have to say at this point? Her songs produce so little analysis from me because a lot of the time, it’s just kind of immediately obvious what will happen and what I’ll think. There are painfully basic vocal melodies, very typical disco-house beats, and Sia tries to actually play down the hamming but lets her natural characteristic of her voice end up preventing her from doing so because, well, that’s just how her voice sounds. A “subtle” Sia is just an awkward fit, and she may be trying that on purpose so she doesn’t put off pop listeners, but it just results in her being completely outclassed by Kylie, who eats this up as expected. That little “woo!” in the pre-chorus is to live for, as is the “(dance)” ad-lib in the final chorus, but by the time we’re in the “bridge” (see: the post-chorus again, same phrase repeated ad nauseum), Sia’s clipping in the mix again and nothing sounds like it cares about me caring, so I���m not caring. It’ll go hard in the Mumsnet forum voice chats. Do they have those? They should have those.

#55 - “Birds in the Sky” - NewEra

Produced by Karl Durkan and Ben Williams

Okay, I’ll bite: Who are NewEra? Well, according to Genius, they’re an EDM production duo from Dublin and this track from last year is their only song to appear on streaming, yet it’s released on Warner interesting. Either way, it’s clearly blown the Irish duo up a bit, so there must be some merit and well, the sample - wherever it’s from, I genuinely can’t find it - is about as weirdly mixed as they always are on these piano-led EDM cuts, but it doesn’t stick out too much amidst the more typical trance grooves and very basic, almost preset-sounding drums that lead into a constant anticlimax, leading the pianos and barely impactful drop sound like they’re teasing you into a false sense of confidence that the song is at all moving. It damn well works though, it’s pretty hypnotising, so when I was lulled into the drumless glitching section where the cheap pianos actually build up to a pretty good pounding drop, I was thoroughly immersed. These guys have done something right.

#50 - “Make You Mine” - Madison Beer

Produced by Madison Beer and Leroy Clampitt

Madison Beer is one of those ostensible “pop stars” that don’t exactly make innovative, experimental or often even interesting music but still exist only on the peripheries of the mainstream, many of which eventually get some kind of breakout chart hit, and this might just be Ms. Beer’s… well, if this is supposed to convince me on the personality and character of Madison Beer, I am not impressed at all, she doesn’t sound interested in developing that. If it’s supposed to convince me on her production ability… yeah, I’m hopping on this train. This is incredible. My comment on her vocal performance is not a detracting remark of the song, her emotionally confused, at times static and always intimate vocal take adds a lot of depth to the intense, but more accurately hallucinatory sensuality of the song. There’s a lot of staccato repetition, sure, I mean, it’s deep house, but it’s all a luring act as you can “slip inside her mind” (sure), against the warped synth basses, echoed and fuzzy vocal production, mesmerising synths that are incredibly well panned and mixed - the sound design is immaculate, and that’s not even mentioning the incessant groove or one of the catchiest nonsense hooks in pop of recent years. The drop barely registers as such, it feels like a natural climax that the song just slides into, despite all the little intricacies in both the build-up and the catharsis that transform the song into a fizzling journey of sexy club-pop that goes a lot harder in the details that I expected it to. I mean, the overdubbing of synth leads and curious glitches in the outro - nothing’s going to go exactly “wrong” in this hook-up, but it’s not where either expected to be… and for that night, it’s life-changing. I didn’t think I’d like this as much as I do but oh, my God, please make this a hit. ASAP.

#47 - “Heaven or Hell” - K-Trap

Produced by Nathaniel London, Jester Beats and Godwin Sonzi

Well, K-Trap’s back, this time without Headie One, and I guess this is his song for the ladies. There’s a swash of R&B keys, a Central Cee acoustic guitar - or an *NSYNC acoustic guitar relistening - and an actually interesting choice in making the drill hi-hats and really the rhythm section in general a bit papery, with a bass that feels mixed a bit too low yet still being relatively busy. K-Trap is just rambling misogynistically over all of this, and not just in a typical rap way, it’s a bit distracting and groan-worthy, but his comical delivery of some of this as well as the female spoken interludes kind of explain away his hypocrisy a bit. Not too effectively, of course, but it’s worth pointing out that it’s somewhat of a two-way street. I still find the soft percussion resemblant of sample drill pretty refreshing and enjoyable, I just wish maybe there was a more melodic presence of a rapper on it. Still okay.

#44 - “16 CARRIAGES” - Beyoncé

Produced by Beyoncé, Ink and Dave Hamelin

So, Queen Bey released two country-influenced songs on the Sunday - one’s in the top 10, the ballad is at #44. I will wait until this act two of RENAISSANCE is actually out before making any statements on Beyoncé doing country outside of that I hope she ends up shouting out or giving chances and/or feature spots to other Black women in that field, as a way of propping up that community within an industry that pretty flagrantly prevents that instead of just doing a genre switcheroo because she can and convincing nobody about anything systemic in the meanwhile. Hell, that’s more for me, personally, because I’d like to know a lot more Black country artists, and given that I’m obliged to listen to this album, I mean if you care about the genre, Bey, it’d be cool to point me in some directions. Not that it’s her job, but it would be a worthwhile light to shine especially since Beyoncé is both a hitmaker and a bit of a tastemaker.

As for the first of her country efforts though, this is a pretty heartfelt southern soul track that could almost act as a campfire song if not for Bey just not being in that zone as a singer, but it definitely has the clapped rhythm of one and some compelling lyrics regarding her time touring with Destiny’s Child. Now it’s less smoky than I’d really want a song like this to be, it doesn’t sizzle as much as it stagnates, particularly with that crash into the guitars and church organs that doesn’t really surge the way I so badly wanted it to. I do find the vocals excellent, the narrative interesting and still surprisingly relevant to her as a modern touring act as well, and the rapping is surprisingly well implemented, it feels just like she’s shooting the shit in the middle of her country storytelling song. In that regard, I’d like there to be a lot less grandiosity to the presentation, maybe do without the soaring overdubs or horns, make this more of an explicitly acoustic effort. I know it wouldn’t fit Beyoncé and all her harmonies and belting, as her presence isn’t always fit for minimalism, but she could pull it off. The problem with that would be is it doesn’t emulate the theatrics of a stage performance and the abrupt shock of showbiz being put onto her at an early age, so there’s some great mirroring there that almost makes up for me not being greatly into the actual sound of these tracks. Regardless, it does have me excited for the more solemn moments on this album, but we won’t be covering that until the end.

#37 - “Abracadabra” - Wes Nelson featuring Craig David

Produced by Mike Brainchild and Rndm Beats

CRAIG DAVID?! And it doesn’t appear to be a sample? The crowd says “bo selecta” indeed. Whatever about this Wes Nelson guy, he sounds like an AI amalgamated what every R&B singer has sounded like since the planes hit, or realistically, just Jeremih, but the beat is a rough-around-the-edges 2-step jam with harder bass than you’d think and some blocky space synths. It’s all very rote but it’s also Craig David and man, you can put however many filters on his voice, it’ll still sound like Craig David, and I can’t even seriously critique him anymore. I’m sure he’s a complex, nuanced human being with flaws and feelings but to me, he’s just an unexplainable deity figure. Also, there is a moment during the drop of this song - and the outro - where the beat cuts out for Craig David to say “Bruh”, and I just needed to point this out.

#31 - “Forever” - Noah Kahan

Produced by Noah Kahan and Gabe Simon

The Vermont singer-songwriter has released what appears to be the final deluxe edition of his #1 album Stick Season, subtitled “Forever”, henc ethe name of its sole original song. I’m honestly surprised this didn’t debut higher, but there is a lot debuting above it, and Kahan tends to have sleepers. Speaking of sleepers, I’m not really feeling this one as much. It’s got the wistful acoustics but it’s a lot slower in its pace, especially for its first half, which makes Kahan’s frail, nasal vocal that I’m still not that big on not nearly as ignorable, especially as it punctuates the lyrics so exactly and ends up making the harmonies, especially in the pre-chorus, somewhat haunting, which given the deterministic lovelorn lyricism, doesn’t seem to be the intention? It eventually picks up a nice little bluegrass-esque groove but nothing too far from an average Lumineers track in terms of just lacking bite and punch, whilst forcing Kahan to strain more than he needs to, to sell pretty resonant content.

#18 - “BACK TO ME” - Adolf Hitler and Ty Dolla $ign

Produced by Hitler, Ty Dolla $ign, 88-Keys, Wax Motif, AyoAA, Feez, Nic Nac and James Alex Hau

88-Keys, huh? Now, I’m not saying that Kanye West is Hitler, I’m just doing him a favour and comparing him to his idol. There are a lot of things that he loves about him. In a perfect world, I have the choice to completely ignore this album, especially since two of the debuts from VULTURES 1 (debuted at #2 on this week’s album charts) are considered widely to be the best tracks by both me and a lot of the fans, though I am a sucker for the darker, problematic last quarter that people don’t tend to like that much. I don’t want to admit that, of course, and I’m kind of torn between not feeding into exhaustive discourse by not mentioning any controversy and then feeling bad for not doing so because I’d be supporting his cult of fans who supposedly only care about the music, regardless of how his music is constantly reminding you of his controversies. It’s also not easy when you have two pretty damn good tracks from an album that largely consists of the man embarrassing himself and, well, Ty Dolla $ign, who sounds wonderfully smooth on this track and many others. He stands out particularly well over the punchy breakbeats and bass that entrench the mix. Hitler does embarrass himself as usual, but the minute-and-a-half Auto-Tuned quoting of an old comedy movie that he probably doesn’t even remember the rest of is an almost poetic reflection of where he is as an artist and a man. Oh, and Freddie Gibbs shows up to steal the show so effortlessly with his tightest, rapid flows I think I’ve heard from him in years, some excellent, topical wordplay that feels like it’s what the album wanted to be: playful and effervescent in its hedonism. He steals the show so much in fact that the song just ends after he does, he takes complete ownership. Nice one, Gibbs, do it on someone else’s album, for the love of God.

#17 - “BURN” - Adolf Hitler and Ty Dolla $ign

Produced by Hitler, Azul, Morten “Rissi” Ristorp, Chrishan, The Legendary Traxster and Leon Thomas III

This is just what this guy’s album used to sound like. We have a mid-album reminder that he can still do it, but only for two minutes, and half of that is Ty the Tasmanian Tiger over here carrying the album with his sloppily-mixed but still incredibly passionate and incessantly catchy chorus - I’ve had it in my head for the whole damn week, pretty much - over a very conventional, punchy chipmunk soul beat that lasts less than two minutes and it just ends up on a bittersweet note. The Hitler verse is his most coherent during the whole album, it’s pretty fun, it’s pretty traditional, not worth the attention paid. And neither is…

#12 - “CARNIVAL” - Adolf Hitler and Ty Dolla $ign

Produced by Hitler, TheLabCook, Ojivolta and Digital Nas

Now, thankfully, there really is nothing of value to cover here regardless of how and where you slice it. The song is like 60% Rich the Kid, which should show you how inspired the former GOAT has been lately. Hitler spends most of his verse just being cheaply transgressive for attention, pretty much explaining why I’m not a fan of prominent critics covering this album, dignifying it as more than an ego trip surrounded by yes-men. That’s not to say transgression can’t be art, there’s a lot of discussion to be had about the value of transgressions against the audience. And Hell, maybe a rage song about riding dick featuring Rich the Kid and Playboi Carti warrants that level of analysis, but that’s exactly what Hitler wants me to do here, and I’m not taking instructions from Hitler! I’m not following orders!

#9 - “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” - Beyoncé

Produced by Beyoncé, Killah B and Nathan Ferraro

Alright, this is just fun. I’m sure someone more equipped than me to talk about country than me will have a lot to say about this song, but I just got a kick out of Bey’s sultry voice, as always perfectly layered with energetic ad-libs and riffing, over that acoustic rolick and clearly programmed thumping production and generic country ambiance. You can tell that this isn’t produced by Nashville staples as much as it’s a semi-outsider attempt at fusing country with Beyoncé’s more natural pop and R&B territory, but it doesn’t detract from it being a sick groove about just having a lot of fun on the dancefloor, boogieing with somebody who makes you forget about everything that’s going wrong. That whistling post-chorus with all the traditional fiddle - if I’m getting that correct - in the background is such a cool little moment, especially with the panning that replicates the live hoedown feel. It absolutely feels much more like a costume party than “16 CARRIAGES”, but to be honest, I might prefer this one just because of how easily Bey dresses up in this particular set of clothes. That’s not derogatory either, she literally lists off “hoops, spurs, boots” in that gorgeous outro. I’m actually glad that such a large, potentially problematic but still full of music to discuss ends on such a delightful, carefree note. Love it.

Conclusion

It’s not getting the best, though, Best of the Week is going to… surprisingly enough, Madison Beer for “Make You Mine”, but Bey obviously grabs the Honourable Mention with “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM”. As for the worst, I mean… there is a song with Rich the Kid on this week. “CARNIVAL” is a shoe-in, but given this was actually a pretty great week in terms of overall quality, it’s difficult. I think I want to give it to K-Trap for “Heaven and Hell” but that’s really because it appears as the lazier, less interesting of the songs I wasn’t a fan of. On another day, it probably would have been Sia, but K-Trap doesn’t have a Kylie Minogue feature. Anyway, with all of that chaos out of the way, thank you for reading, rest in peace to country legend Toby Keith, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #ye #ty dolla $ign #beyonce #k-trap #rich the kid #playboi carti #freddie gibbs #madison beer #wes nelson #noah kahan #craig david #newera #sia #kylie minogue #muni long #rich amiri #vultures 1

[deadcactuswalking]

A friend asked me to draw Pokémon for them for a blog they were making. I can finally share the ones I drew! Thanks to @deadcactuswalking for giving me the opportunity to draw some Poketmens.

[deadcactuswalking]

My top 10 favourite Pokémon

It’s really easy to get attached to something you have nostalgia for. You’ll get to lush and reminiscence about things you hold dear, memories you’ve made, people you connected with. It’s also really easy to detach from those things, and that’s why my favourite Pokémon is Garbodor. This is not a pop music review, this is my side gig. I’m cactus and today I’m explaining my 10 favourite Pokémon.

My top 10 favourite Pokémon of all time

Now I want to bring something up that relates to that introduction: a lot of my favourite Pokémon are ones I’ve never used in a playthrough. There’s a lot more to the Pokémon experience - the anime, the card game, the manga, but also just the culture, especially online, surrounding it. These Pokémon are on this list for many reasons, from aesthetic to nostalgic, and I’ve wanted to make this list for a long time so things have changed since, sometimes based on playthroughs, sometimes not. Also some disclaimers: this is not the most solid list of all time, in that my top seven is set in stone but the rest could change wildly and the order is not very rigid. Additionally, the positions I’m using cover whoever I want it to: sometimes it’ll be one Pokémon, an entire evolutionary line, only certain members of a line, or in some cases, pretty much a specific version of that Pokémon I played through a game with. It’s also not a balanced or sensible list, based largely on instinct, and because of that, I do feel like I need to list some honourable mentions.

Honourable Mentions

I don’t need to explain or analyse any of my picks outside of my top 10… though you know I would. Therefore, this is just going to be a simple list of Pokémon that just barely missed the cut - try and see if you can see any trends? I really don’t know if you could, I don’t make much sense. Anyway, narrowly missing out in no particular order are Shuckle, Haunter, Marill, Relicanth, Swalot, Wailord, Magcargo, Cubchoo and Beartic, Litwick and Chandelure, Sableye, Feraligatr, Genesect, Spiritomb, Squirtle, Carnivine, Palossand, Cofagrigus, Rayquaza, Cryogonal, Arbok, Snorlax, Tyranitar, Venusaur, Pelipper, Rowlet and Decidueye, Alolan Exeggutor, Tropius, Darkrai, Wobbuffett, Shedinja, Phantump, Gliscor, Victreebel, Drifloon and Drifblim, Turtwig and Torterra, Ferrothorn, Obstagoon, Ludicolo, Carracosta, Tsaraeena (would), Mismagius, Alolan Vulpix and Ninetales, Guzzlord but basically all those ugly Ultra Beasts, Staraptor, Slowking, Zygarde, Scizor, Magneton, Octillery, Greninja (yes, because of Smash), Gardevoir and Gallade, Oshawott, Snover and Abomasnow, Probopass - I’m not joking, and finally, in terms of the Pokémon who were literally in my top 10 but got kicked out as I was writing this: Bronzong, Sandile and Rotom, who got the boot mostly because I was unsure if it counted as a Legendary and I didn’t want any Legendaries on the list. My deepest, sincerest apologies to those three species, they could be in this list proper on another day. Also, assume that all members of an evolutionary line I discuss from #10 to #1 are also honourable mentions if not basically on the list.

Now I don’t think I’ll be able to write as much about these Pokémon as I write about songs: I’m a music reviewer, not a video game reviewer and I simply don’t know enough about the game lore or art and design rules to evaluate these guys beyond vibes and my personal experience. This is a dumb, out-of-specialty list, just bear with me on these. In addition, I’ll attach my favourite Pokédex entry and TCG art piece with each entry in the list just to spice it up a little, and I also have visual accompaniment from my good friend Yvonne @sheenzys for a few of the top entries - thank you very much indeed to her for agreeing to lend their talents to this little side project. Additional special thanks to the fantastic archives and databases of Serebii and Bulbapedia for helping with all this, and of course the programmers, designers, artists and writers at Game Freak, Nintendo and the Pokémon Company for making the games and designing these characters I love.

#10 - CLODSIRE

“It lives at the bottom of ponds and swamps. It will carry Wooper on its back and ferry them across water from one shore to the other.”

Clodsire is a Poison/Ground-type Pokémon from Paldea and yes, this list is affected ever so slightly by recency bias because I just started playing through Scarlet and this guy is already my absolute favourite on my team. It’s an adorable, unbothered little fish that just lies flat on the ground and takes up a tad too much space but you don’t mind because it’s adorable doing it. I always loved Wooper and Quagsire too, specifically their Johto versions, because of how peaceful and empty their minds always appeared to me, they’re just little guys, but they don’t stand out as much when water-blue as when they’re poisonous little desert creatures. I think you’ll find on this list that I tend to like Pokémon that cut a fine line between adorable and just downright ugly, and with Clodsire’s awkward retracting toxic spikes, derpy face and the fact that during the first Team Star raid against the fire-type gang, he just sat there and stalled this woman’s massive car, which I’m told is a Pokémon but to me, that just looked like a fancy car. I don’t know whether in a year Clodsire will be off this list entirely or within the top five but for now, I like him here, and I think he’d be okay with that.

#9 - EMPOLEON

“It avoids unnecessary disputes, but it will decimate anything that threatens its pride.”

Empoleon is a Water/Steel-type Pokémon from Sinnoh - that’s a unique typing too - and the final evolution to Piplup and Prinplup. This is mostly a nostalgia pick: Sinnoh’s my favourite region, and Piplup was my starter when I first played Pearl. That cute little penguin who couldn’t hurt a fly (canonically it can, does and will hurt flies - sorry, Ninjask) eventually turns into this noble knight of esteem and order, and listen, I’m not particularly masculine of a person but I still want to be him. My Empoleon was over-levelled to shit the entire game but I loved him all the same because I rarely ever needed a second member of my party to step up to the plate, and even outside of just looking cool, many formative Pokémemories were made with this line and they’ve stuck with me since. Also, come on, just look at him. Dawn’s Piplup in the anime is adorable too. Next up, we have another uniquely-typed early-game Water-type Pokémon from Sinnoh…

#8 - BIBAREL

“A river dammed by Bibarel will never overflow its banks, which is appreciated by people nearby.”

Bibarel is a Normal/Water-type Pokémon from Sinnoh and come on, just look at this dumbass beaver. I had a Bibarel, I used it for HMs like any good Gen IV player should… but it’s on this list purely because look at this dumbass beaver. It’s got the buck-tooth, it never looks quite right in any pose it takes, but it’s loving life and it’ll learn all these HMs and do whatever you want it to do. It’s a loyal dumbass beaver, a loveable companion there primarily for comic relief but I mean, you love it just the same. I know people parade around Bidoof as a meme God like Omastar but its evolution is my favourite in the line. He’s silly, he’s goofy, but he’s got a kind heart and I feel like he’s a family man. He works a blue-collar job building dams but he provides for his family and he loves his wife dearly. Also his wife is a Roselia, normalise inter-species breeding… in video games, not anywhere else (they cannot breed, they do not share an egg group). The little goof even got an ability banned in competitive play for a while due to people abusing his unpredictable hidden ability, and then people ended up using Bidoof instead using the same methods. Keep it stupid, Bibarel. We love you for it.

#7 - DITTO

“Ditto rearranges its cell structure to transform itself into other shapes. However, if it tries to transform itself into something by relying on its memory, this Pokémon manages to get details wrong.”

I mean…Ditto is a Normal-type Pokémon from Kanto but really, it’s anything. It can be anything but it doesn’t retain its HP or level, and in the anime, everything Ditto copies has that dumb little head-empty smirk on its face. There’s something resonant to me that this Pokémon can replicate everything, down to less surface-level occasions like stat boosts and EV yields but it can never fully be a perfect replica due to Ditto’s own “shortcomings”, not that those shortcomings matter when you can be absolutely anything you want. I don’t know, I know they often play the angle that this was a failed science experiment, and the lore with Mew can be compelling, but I think it just speaks to humans and how it’s in our nature to implement parts of other people into ourselves but we can’t escape from our real identity that is much deeper than just appearance, type and even stat modifiers. Yes, that’s right, I like this stupid pink blob for philosophical reasons. Zoroark sucks, by the way.

#6 - SYLVEON

“Its ribbonlike feelers give off an aura that weakens hostility in its prey, causing them to let down their guard. Then it attacks.”

Sylveon is a Fairy-type Pokémon from Kalos and you just know an Eeveelution had to be on here. Now like most Pokémon fans, I love all forms of Eevee but if I had to rank them… Sylveon’s on top, then it’s Leafeon, Vaporeon, Glaceon, Espeon, Umbreon, Jolteon and Flareon. This is the objectively correct best-to-worst ranking of the ‘lutions and I will hear nothing to the contrary. So why’s Sylveon making the list? Well, Glaceon was close, but ultimately, Sylveon is just a girly fashionista with way too many ribbons and tassels and that’s why I love her. She’s a hyper-feminine dragon-slayer coated in pastel colours that dazzles and sparkles but still packs a decent punch against some of the strongest Pokémon in the game. This is basically just me putting “women” at #6 instead of Sylveon, but I did use Sylveon in Ultra Moon and it was the Pokémon I attached closest to. Why? I don’t know, it’s girly, sometimes I want to be a teenage girl with Backstreet Boys posters on my wall and the pink “Ulterior Motives” boombox. Is that too much to ask?

#5 - CYNDAQUIL AND TYPHLOSION

“When heat from its body causes the air around it to shimmer, this is a sign that it is ready to battle.” (Typhlosion)

Alright, so here’s where it gets a bit confusing: I couldn’t pick between the Fire-type starter of Johto and its final evolution so both are here. I prefer Cyndaquil a tiny bit but mostly because I have had a plush of Cyndaquil since I was a child that’s not really the same material as other plushes, it feels a bit firmer and more special in that regard. This is also a very personal one - whilst I personally picked Totodile in SoulSilver, my sister, who I often bonded with over Pokémon, has always been a big fan of Typhlosion and I remember battling and trading over that Pokémon God knows how many times, it might still be in my box in Pearl. Johto has some of the most consistently fun designs to me - I love Cyndaquil’s perpetually closed eyes and little anteater snout, and Typhlosion’s mane of fire running down its back when it’s fighting is just badass, especially in the sprite era, which by the way, has an aura that can never be replicated with 3D models and hurts the games tremendously. This hit Typhlosion pretty hard as he now looks kind of inert in resting form, but it’s not like you can’t go back to those old games and see him in his pixellated glory. I really don’t care for its Hisuian form though, probably knocks it down a couple points to be honest.

#4 - GOODRA

“Sometimes it misunderstands instructions and appears dazed or bewildered. Many Trainers don't mind, finding this behaviour to be adorable.”

Okay, so… I like slimy Pokémon. If there’s any coherent theme other than ignoring Galar entirely, it’s that I like blobs and goops. Goomy is the cutest slime in the game, and I love its grey cheeks, the lavender colour scheme and seeing it open its little mouth. Sliggoo is fine, it’s still cute but Goodra… I just want to hug it so badly. I never used a Goodra ever, but this Dragon-type Pokémon from Kalos won my heart anyway through its bubbly design, chubby belly and just generally peaceful vibe, one curated out of formless goo into a beautiful little psuedo-legendary dragon. I like how it’s pure Dragon type despite it just being goop, I like how its Hisuian form looks like it’s carrying something slightly too heavy for it to handle in its tail and whilst I was too old to be watching the anime religiously, whenever I saw clips of Ash’s Goodra I grew fond of that too, especially the honestly kind of touching arc of him having to release it. The anime does very few things all that well and that was one of them, at least to me, so, yeah, Goodra makes the list. Goomy in spirit also.

#3 - GRIMER AND MUK

“Muk's colouration becomes increasingly vivid the more it feasts on its favourite dish - trash.” (Alolan Muk)

Yes, all four versions of this line’s species are making the list. Grimer and Muk are Poison-type Pokémon from Kanto with regional counterparts in Alola that gain the Dark-type and again, what did I say about slime? I love how you can find Grimer in the ponds of Celadon City because it’s so polluted and whilst I doubt they’re making a statement with any of this and more just an observation, it’s really interesting to see something so inhuman as a formless blob of slime as a way of representing the very human act and consequence of pollution, and I love how Grimer is just a silly little nuisance but once it evolves, it essentially just gets bigger and meaner instead of any meaningful developments. Muk is a downright villainous blob of slime, and his Alolan form makes him an even more charming antagonist with the genius idea of colouring him like graffiti. It’s almost like a tie-dye blob of toxic goop, I love it. I had a Muk when I played Ultra Moon and even though it was disgusting, rubbing that little vile sludge with my 3DS stylus always felt so satisfying. That… that’s gross, cactus, let’s move onto the next one.

#2 - PORYGON-Z

“Some say an additional program made this Pokémon evolve, but even academics can't agree on whether Porygon-Z is really an evolution.”

This is basically a spot that represents the entire Porygon line but Porygon-Z is ultimately my favourite due to its design. I find it fascinating that this artificial, obscure Pokémon - a Normal-type from Kanto that got evolutions in Johto and Sinnoh - keeps popping up and having upgrades, or malfunctions, but is basically banished in both the regions it appears in, where it is incredibly rare or relegated to trading or… gambling, and real life due to the “Cyber Soldier Porygon” controversy. You have a line that could hypothetically be fully-evolved at level one but it’s also unwise to really call Porygon-Z a final evolution: it’s actually just a broken Porygon2, which in itself is an almost cynical attempt to recreate the blocky cyber duck in a sleeker, Y2K form. It doesn’t know or comprehend love in the same way that damn near every other Pokémon can: it almost feels wrong to have it outside of a PC box. Those making the anime seem to want to avoid it like the plague despite the fact that it was really Pikachu who caused the flashing lights and really, the episode had a positive impact on epileptic seizure prevention in exported anime anyway. By all means, Porygon is a bit of an unsung hero, with the blame deflected onto it because it was a scapegoat, and its “evolutions” are barely different in size or stats, they evolve not through experience but through humans trading it with other humans, to the point where both of its evolutions actually weigh less than the original. It’s fascinating to me that this unnatural and unloved Pokémon seems to carry the same reputation in the real world as it does in the games. Why do I like Porygon-Z the most? Well, it’s from my favourite generation, I had one in Pearl, and it has some of the saddest entries in the entire Pokédex, constantly referring it to it being an unstable, out-casted failure. There are very few Pokémon, if any others, that are created purely to be as charmless as this one. Except maybe…

#1

I never used this Pokémon for more than 10 minutes - I caught one on a whim when playing White, briefly evolved it much later. I don’t own any merchandise about it, I don’t really care for its pre-evolution, I haven’t seen an episode of the anime with it in. So why is it my favourite Pokémon? …I genuinely don’t know.

#1 - GARBODOR

“For a time, their numbers increased explosively in Alola. Since the arrival of Grimer, their population has decreased dramatically.”

When there’s thousands of these little things to choose from, I think my mind immediately wants to go to the obscure, rejected and unloved, but I can’t say that really applies fully to the Unova Poison-type Garbodor. There’s plenty of Trubbish merch I’ve seen around, nearly every Gen V Pokémon got some love at least briefly in the anime, manga and events because of how they basically did a summary execution of everything that wasn’t Unova for a while, and it even got a Gigantamax form in that game no-one likes. For a couple of years now, it’s been my favourite Pokémon, it’s been my profile picture on several websites, it’s what I have identified myself with. It’s not as classic as Grimer and Muk, which it was unfairly and pejoratively compared to back in 2010. It’s not the Pokémon I have the most nostalgia for - that’s probably Cyndaquil or really, Pikachu - it’s not my favourite design, that’s far-and-beyond Porygon-Z. It’s the sworn enemy of my #3 pick according to Alolan Pokédex entries. Sadly, I can’t really put it into words other than… there’s just something about Garbodor. The pink and blue remnants of plastic in its otherwise indistinguishable splodge of brown, the ripped-up bin bag masquerading as a face that makes it look like it wants to be freed from prison, cardboard keeping its arms together, floofs of garbage that acts as impromptu ears, all a product of its surroundings. I guess, at my worst, I feel like Garbodor? I don’t know if I want to treat it that personally. I love the design, Trubbish is cute enough, and I think its entries make it fit well within the lore of its region. It’s deathly, but it doesn’t look like it wants to be. I don’t know, maybe above all, it’s just… consistent? Porygon-Z should probably be here but I’ve drawn too many MS Paint sketches of Garbodor, saved too many anime images of it making a funny face, just thought about it too much, for me not to put Garbodor at #1. The Unova games aren’t even my favourite generation, Poison - despite it appearing thrice on this list - is not my favourite type - thinking about it, I always say it’s Ghost but it’s probably Normal. I just really like this heap of garbage. What can I say?

Well, that was a lot of rambling about video game characters. Thanks to @sheenzys once again for the art and thank you for reading if you got this far! What are your favourite Pokémon? Don’t tell me, I don’t care. This is way too long. I’ll see you next Friday for some actual music reviewing.

#pokemon #favourite pokemon #best pokemon #garbodor #pokemon art #grimer #porygon

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 10/02/2024

Noah Kahan’s “Stick Season” is still #1, it’s a short episode, you really probably should skip it - there's nothing of value discussed here... welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

This is not a good week. You could call it a stale week, it’s probably accurate, because there’s not much of interest and what is here is mostly utter garbage. Potentially, up there with the worst weeks ever in terms of new arrivals to the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, and speaking of what I cover, notable dropouts are songs exiting said top 75 after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40, and this week, we bid adieu to: “Skin and Bones” by David Kushner, “neé-nah” by 21 Savage, Travis Scott and Metro Boomin, “Practice” by Drake, “Pink Friday Girls” and “Everybody” featuring Lil Uzi Vert by Nicki Minaj and finally, “Paint the Town Red” by Doja Cat. One highlight of this dire week is that I’m not really complaining about any of that.

Lewis Capaldi’s “Someone You Loved” returns to #67, what a joy, as well as “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift at #62 and “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus at #51. Can’t help but think the GRAMMYs had some influence on these. As for notable gains, we see boosts for Taylor’s “Is it Over Now?” at #68, “MY EYES” by Travis Scott at #65, “What Was I Made For?” by Billie Eilish at #58, “Would You (go to bed with me?)” by Campbell and Alcemist at #52, “Perfect (Exceeder)” by Mason vs. Princess Superstar at #39, “Runaway” by Ye featuring Pusha T at #35, seemingly because well, there may or may not be an album coming because that’s what we needed: more discourse. Then we have “Scared to Start” by Michael Marcagi at #31, “Selfish” by Justin Timberlake at #29 (why are we doing this?), “exes” by Tate McRae at #23, “Alibi” by Ella Henderson featuring Rudimental at #16 (Christ), and we end with two positives at least, as YG Marley and Benson Boone both get their first top 10s with pretty damn good songs, in my opinion: “Praise Jah in the Moonlight” at #9 and “Beautiful Things” at #5, which brings us to that top five, which is otherwise completely the same as last week. Jack Harlow’s at #4, Teddy Swims at #3, Sophie Ellis-Bextor at #2 and for a sixth week, Noah Kahan at #1. You know the song names off by heart by now, and I need some time to let off a deep sigh before rattling off the new songs. Oh, boy, the new songs.

New Entries

#75 - “Out for Love” - Andrew Underberg, Sam Haft and Daphne Rubin-Vega

Produced by Andrew Underberg and Sam Haft

So, Hazbin Hotel was a web pilot by Vivienne Medrano or “ViziePop” that was later picked up by Amazon as a television series this year. It is a musical animated series hence has several soundtrack singles, and given the weak charts and viral nature of the show, some of them have ended up here. I watched the pilot and first four episodes of the series, and found it genuinely quite difficult to stomach - I love adult animation, I love musicals, I actually even like the art style - it was the narrative elements of the show that killed it for me, and this is not a TV review blog, it’s a music review blog. I knew at least one song would debut as the midweek update showed one song at #73, I figured that would be the only song and it could potentially not even appear, so I wrote a very tersely-worded review for that song in particular. It’s a bit… not all that useful anymore, for lack of a better phrase. So I’m largely not going to be covering these. This is from the seventh episode, which I haven’t seen. Song doesn’t make any Goddamn sense to me. Journalism.

#74 - “Thank You (Not So Bad)” - Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike, Tiesto, Dido and W&W

Produced by Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike, Tiesto, W&W, Bassjackers and Renze Michels

Okay, if you’re going to credit a grand total of five EDM producers, why not go the full mile and have all eight pick out a lead? Also, I would ask how eight people were involved in producing this if I had any doubts that it wasn’t just an uncredited guy who got paid to sell this lazy sample flip off to people with actual star power. A sample flip of what, you may ask? Sigh… well, if there’s anything vaguely positive I can say about “Alibi” is that it’s influential. This is somehow even lazier, however, so I guess let’s start with some kind of history.

First of all, Dido’s “Thank You” is a perfectly fine, honest song that peaked at #3 in 2001 - “Do You Really Like It?” by DJ Pied Piper & the Masters of Ceremonies rightfully took #1 that week - and whilst I’ve never been a big fan, I can definitely see why the melancholy downtempo ballad resonates with people, and on a bad day, I can definitely throw this on and feel a little hope. This is a bad chart day, and if “Thank You” were to chart in its original form, it could perhaps be a reminder that things are, despite everything, it’s not so bad. So I imagine rap fans will know one of if not both of the uses of this song in popular hip hop, the first being Eminem’s classic “Stan”, probably my second favourite of his. It actually did #1 for one week in 2000, before the original had charted. It’s a stark and incredibly clever recontextualisation of the song that I’m pretty sure has already been discussed as much as possible, there’s a reason why many consider it Em’s crowning moment. Rae Sremmurd, “Lean’s Gone Cold”… maybe not so much. That one didn’t chart, but it’s funny.

Now there is precedent for house remixes of “Thank You”, and whilst I’m willing to consider interpretations and reimaginings of practically any song as any different style, I feel like making “Thank You” more danceable than just a vague nodding of the head skews some of the narrative’s tone? It definitely makes for a weirder, more dissonant listen, and whilst the Deep Dish remix, actually a GRAMMY Award-winning remix, does its best to maintain the atmosphere in its nine minutes, turning “not so bad” into a faint, looping mantra under a constantly developing house groove, to the point where it is a genuinely pretty great house song production wise… it still doesn’t feel like a great adaptation of “Thank You”, just a different product entirely, which makes sense and honestly makes for a better song. It doesn’t try and be “Thank You”, despite not even registering itself as an original song, just a remix of the original still credited solely to Dido. In 2016, European electro house duos Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike and W&W made a song called “Arcade”, it’s a loud, compressed smorgasboard of cheap synth sounds made for a live festival setting and being practically unlistenable outside of that context. In 2020, German producers Felix Jaehn and VIZE made a much more conventional and, at least in terms of how much it cribs from the original, a more faithful rendition of “Thank You”, subtitled “Not So Bad”. It’s a flavourless tropical house riff that I think the world would be better off not hearing, it’s like “Thank You” by Dido if she was commissioned to make it by an advertising company looking for a soundtrack to gym commercials.

Somewhere across the line, I guess it must have been Tiesto who said, “What if we made a version of that Felix Jaehn song but basically in the soundfont of “Arcade”?” - the latter even being directly listed as a sample on Genius. I mean, otherwise, I don’t know what the Hell Tiesto is doing here but, generally, you have to be shitting me, right? This is two minutes and 20 seconds constructed out of bits and pieces of songs I may not like but had a lot more purposeful artistic intent to them, if that’s a correct way of phrasing it. This is a vaguely functional crap-shoot molded from genuine song ideas, starting with a gentle singer-songwriter track that actually means a Hell of a lot to millions of people. I’d believe that to many fans, that Rae Sremmurd rendition means a lot to them. What does this mean to anybody?

#63 - “Bandit” - Don Toliver

Produced by ReidMD

I don’t like Don Toliver, really, or Tame Impala for that record, but there’s a level of inherent quality here, right? Don can sing, Tame Impala can construct a vibe and the sample here is “One More Hour” from their 2020 album The Slow Rush, it’s completely serviceable, could make for a good song. So why the sample is rendered in such low quality screeching is beyond me, but hey, maybe a powerful beat could work? Oh, the trap skitter is not only completely rote and overdone, it’s really high in the mix and distracts from the bass, which could really help make this song work? Okay, well, what’s Don doing? Being basically a cartoon character with his flows and incessant ad-libs? Well, that could be fun - oh, he’s comparing himself to Marilyn Manson? Barely rhyming? Catching a good, intense flow only to mumble repeated lines mostly about having sex that make up much of the song, with a tiny verse in the middle? Well, maybe the outro can make up for it - oh, he’s doing a Cookie Monster impression. Welp, all hope is lost.

#55 - “Poison” - Blake Roman, Sam Haft and Andrew Underberg

Produced by Sam Haft and Andrew Underberg

This is an upbeat synthpop jam that soundtracks a sex slavery montage. It sounds like a song by The Weeknd covered by a SpongeBob AI voice model. Next.

#53 - “Loser, Baby” - Andrew Underberg, Sam Haft, Keith David and Blake Roman

Produced by Sam Haft and Andrew Underberg

This was the song that made me turn the fourth episode off in disgust. I had a massive review prepared, covering its treatment of sexual abuse, which probably gave it a higher degree of nuance and generosity than many others are willing to give it, but I’m not compelled to rant about cartoons in this series. I want to write about animation more often but preferably animation I like or actually find compelling. With all respect to those who enjoy it and power to them, Hazbin Hotel was not something I would like to grant any more attention than the brief necessity of my format. Thanks for understanding.

#40 - “Home” - Good Neighbours

Produced by Good Scott and Oli Fox

I was very much willing to give this one a good shake because, I mean, what else do we have? Scott and Fox teased this on TikTok months prior before releasijng this as their official debut single together, after malformed, quickly aborted solo runs a few years ago. Sounds like a recipe for chart success and oh, the song’s terrible. It has a whistle about as charming as the American Authors’ milennial whoops, really insufferably screeching vocal tones that remind me of Passion Pit more than anything - that isn’t really a good thing - and sentimental lyrics about what home means to him, which would be completely serviceable without the stiff, grooveless splodge of grey matter that calls itself a chorus. Oh, and you know those sentimental lyrics? They’re gone by this point, it’s an incredibly manipulative breakup song with some really gross attempts at poetry - “wrap my name across your mouth when I let my feelings down”? Ew, man, Charlie Puth is less contrived than this. Naturally, the song goes nowhere and sadly, that probably won’t be its chart trajectory. Yet, once again, this song is practically unlistenable.

Conclusion

…Don Toliver gets Best of the Week. Somehow. Thanks for reading, I guess? See you next whenever.

#uk singles chart

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 03/02/2024 (Megan Thee Stallion, Skepta, Justin Timberlake)

Noah Kahan’s at #1 with “Stick Season” for a fifth week, but lower down the chart, there’s a lot of nonsense going on, most of it involving female rappers. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with the notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we bid adieu to “n.h.i.e.” by 21 Savage and Doja Cat, “Kool-Aid” by Bring Me the Horizon, “Strangers” AND “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi, “FTCU” by Nicki Minaj and “Disconnect” by Becky Hill and Chase & Status. Other than the last one, not really complaining much about these.

As for notable gains and returns, well, much of what’s of interest will come down to the new arrivals, and a lot of our gains are confined to within the top 40. Outside of that, we do see “When We Were Young (The Logical Song)” by David Guetta and Kim Petras back at #71 because that song refuses to have a coherent run. Then in the top 40, we see a lot of interesting pick-ups, some a bit surprising and most I’m also really not complaining about either, with “Scared to Start” by Michael Marcagi at #38, “Whatever” by Kygo and Ava Max at #27, “Nothing Matters” by The Last Dinner Party surging at #22 and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s higher given the album this week, “Praise Jah in the Moonlight” by YG Marley up big at #20 and again, there’s a movie coming out that could boost this even higher in the coming weeks. Other than that, we see “Beautiful Things” by Benson Boone actually gaining off of the high debut last week at #11 and finally, Madonna gets her first top 10 since 2009 and Playboi Carti his first since, well, ever, as “Popular” with The Weeknd crawls its way to #10. I’m still surprised those two even have a song together.

Our top five should seem pretty standard: “yes, and?” by Ariana Grande loses steam at #5, “Lovin’ on Me” by Jack Harlow is steady at #4, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims is on a surprising run at #3, then we have “Murder on the Dancefloor” by Sophie Ellis-Bextor at #2 and of course Mr. Kahan at the very top. Like I said, it’s much more interesting down below, and that’s naturally what we’ll focus on today. Now… stay with me.

New Entries

#75 - “Think U the Shit (Fart)” - Ice Spice

Produced by RIOTUSA, Synthetic and venny

This song makes me feel so old. I’ve missed out on the Ice Spice craze entirely in the first place, but I’d also never seen this meme she was referencing, hadn’t heard the viral snippet of the song, this is just entirely beyond me. There’s a quirky, you could argue jazzy set of 80s-sounding keys but it’s quickly drowned out by a thrusting 808 and the reverb-drowned vocal take from Ice Spice that really shows the limitations of her and RIOTUSA, given how she goes for such a basic flow all the time, and this is actually the most energy she’s ever given a performance… which is depressing! She has to fill in blank space with constant, unbothered ad-libs and punching in, and RIOT has made such a minimal rhythm section for much of the song that he seems to actively switch into a more recognisable trap beat just so Ice Spice doesn’t sound painfully out of place. As for content, you’re joking, what is there to it? I’d complain about she rhymed “fighting” with “Saiyan” but pronounced both words as expected so it straight up doesn’t rhyme at all, but that’s definitely just an element of her troll persona or whatever. I don’t know, any detail I can pick apart just feels so nulled by the fact that, well, it’s an Ice Spice song called “Think U the Shit (Fart)”. It’s basically novelty, comedy rap. Why should I try?

#61 - “Not My Fault” - Reneé Rapp and Megan Thee Stallion

Produced by Ryan Tedder, Alexander 23, Jasper Harris and Jeff Richmond

Ah, Megan Thee Stallion, I’m sure this is the last time this week I will have to talk about them. Sigh, this is embarrassingly the one time where I can say I have actually seen the contemporary film attached to the soundtrack single, and this was tacked onto the credits sequence, with Megan making two pointless cameos within a fun Pixarification of the original Mean Girls that I don’t think I’d ever watch again, but was still a fun, harmless time in the cinema. Now because I’m lame, there are songs from the film proper I much prefer but I don’t expect them to chart because 1.) they’re much further embedded into the musical tradition and 2.) they’re not produced by Ryan Tedder. Believe me, I checked. As much as I’m convinced by Ms. Rapp as an actor, as a singer, she has a lot to prove, not really showing how capable she could be in translating those acting skills to developing a true character in songwriting and performance a lá Olivia Rodrigo. This is a bratty disco-pop song that acts as a bit of a mean girl anthem so to speak, but is completely toothless, including the kind of embarrassing Megan verse that will date the song even further than its dated-on-arrival concept, although I at least like the consistency of the references - she has been calling herself the “black Regina George” since 2017. The song overall is just a reflection of a semi-failed conglomerate project, it’s ephemeral and serves no purpose other than to end up being a time capsule one looks upon 20 years from now questioning what the zeitgeist was in 2024, much like how we now look at the original Mean Girls for 2004 which, by the way, is directly sampled in this song, instead of the same line from the new film… which makes me think they hadn’t even shot the film by the time this song was made. Keeping it professional, Paramount.

#56 - “Big Foot” - Nicki Minaj

Produced by Tate Kobang and ZellTooTrill

The worst thing about rap beef, to me, is that the newer diss, if released the same week, will probably debut lower than the catalyst diss - the cata-diss, if you will - so I have to review the songs in reverse chronological order. It just doesn’t make sense, does it? With that said, it seems like a stretch to describe this as a song, not because it’s so terribly awful or anything, though I do notice that the song’s quality - or lack thereof - and pure antagonism has made some Barbs jumped ship. It’s more so because this is just a verse that starts off in a bizarre, unhinged Roman flow and ends with ASMR. I do think I have a pretty “no-holds-barred” attitude when it comes to feuds in hip hop as long as it doesn’t escalate to violence, so it’s not like I’m offended by anything Nicki said here, even if it gets ruthless and almost needlessly so, but it does just appear a bit desperate, attention-baiting using the villain persona. That’s not new for Nicki though, and all rap beef is villainised attention-baiting, often with flow and song structure as mostly if not entirely irrelevant factors. Therefore, I really can’t review this one, and no, I’m not ducking from Barbs because Pink Friday 2 is one of the worst albums I have ever heard, and I have long criticised Nicki for having bad music on this series, this just can’t really be treated as such. Sure, there’s a Detroit trap beat behind it, but only for half of the song’s runtime, and given how rushed-together it sounds, it’s clearly not a priority. I don’t review Instagram Live videos from gossip merchants, and I fail to see how this, given that it rarely ever criticises Megan’s standing as a rapper or public figure, more just using the same accusations Remy Ma threw at Nicki on “ShETHER” with a new coat of paint, is worth analysing as a piece of popular music and not just a social media rant… which Nicki has given plenty of in the past week, it’s been bizarroworld on Twitter. I will indeed hold that same standard for Megan coming up as well.

#49 - “Grey” - Yung Filly

Produced by JuwonMix

Well, the vast majority of our debuts are from or involving rappers so it’s only fair that we have some UK representation this week, and… I’m not familiar with Yung Filly but I didn’t really expect an Afrobeats / dancehall track about how meaningless fame and success can be. To be honest, that seems like it’s mostly the subtext rather than the text, coming mostly in prominence in that melancholy chorus but the song definitely sounds like the colour of its title given the bouncy percussion not doing a great job at hiding the stray reggae chords or blasts of trumpet that seem to put a noir downer on the whole parade, especially considering his longing, monotone delivery that fits into a tight pocket but never actively, almost like he just slides into it and happens to be on the beat rather than any conscious effort to ride it. That’s not to say the vocals are smooth, or not good, they’re surprisingly emotive for an Auto-Tune crooner yet also somewhat staccato in places, it’s a nuanced performance. I don’t really have much left to say, it’s not exactly a complex song, but it’s honestly surprisingly good, would absolutely not mind if this stuck around.

#37 - “Selfish” - Justin Timberlake

Produced by Justin Timberlake, Louis Bell and Cirkut

No, you can’t get back from this. We all heard “Filthy” back in 2018. Whenever I think of Justin Timberlake, I don’t just think of the classics, “SexyBack”, “Cry Me a River”, “Suit and Tie”, *NSYNC, I think of “Filthy” and this will poison the well of Justin Timberlake discourse for as long as he continues to release music because no man should be able to release “Filthy” and stand untested. In fact, I don’t give a shit about this new song, let’s talk about “Filthy” because what is that?! Who starts off the rollout for their woodsy, back-to-basics country-pop album with a dramatic glam-rock curtain call diminishing itself into a squelchy “funk” (stretching the use of the word) coated with female moaning and wonky-influenced production that allows for Justin to just bring all his effortless swagger, right? Right? Oh, he’s just going to list off a bunch of 90s hip-hop references for some reason, as if that in his view emulates actually being cool and sexy. The lyrics are rife for analysis in their failure to succeed in just about anything other than make a fool out of the lead artist, and it is fascinating. The song ends with his wife delivering spoken word over ambient, for God’s sake. I respect it, though. I respect taking a risk - or 10 - in a lead single. I don’t respect calling up Post Malone’s production crew to get an easy white-boy pop hit, rejecting pretty much every element of your sound that people were drawn into, AKA Timbaland, Pharrell and Danja, just for the safety of your own flailing career. Justin, you’ve still got Mickey Mouse money left over, let alone the incredibly storied and successful career from then on, and that’s not including the Trolls cheques, which I can only imagine are insane. You do not need to do this, you really don’t. Have some dignity, Justin. You’re not The Kid LAROI. You’re a grown man. Do what you want to do, not what you feel you need to.

#32 - “Gas Me Up (Diligent)” - Skepta

Produced by Cardo and ThatGuyNamedJalen

You’re really under-selling yourself there, Jalen. Anyway, Skepta’s back and much like “Big Foot”, this is one long-form verse over a pretty standard, unmixed-sounding beat, making threats towards others, but there a few key differences that mean I’m a lot kinder to this: firstly, the cloud rap beat is thoroughly aquatic in its lead melody and even if I’d prefer the song keeps some of that underwater energy once the beat drops, the loud, cowbell-accentuated rhythm is still sick and Skepta rides it perfectly. He’s always been one of the smoothest rappers out of the UK, mostly because of how much he has become a student of American hip hop despite his grime origins, and here he shows those Stateside connections off with some of his best, least tacked-on singing performances yet but also a faster-paced blunt delivery for much of the verse that feels much more embedded into British flows and cadences. The content isn’t particularly intriguing for me at least, but the rhyme schemes are clean and his word choice seems very deliberate in order to present a very prestigious sounding set of bars. It’s not exactly Skepta’s best, and definitely not his most interesting, but it’s worth checking out regardless and I feel like he’s been laying low for a while so this seems like a promising comeback.

#31 - “HISS” - Megan Thee Stallion

Produced by LilJuMadeDaBeat, Bankroll Got It and Shawn “Source” Jarrett

Megan Thee Stallion is an independe nt artist nowadays, and her lead single with a switch in sound and massive video, “Cobra”, despite all the reach and pull that Megan has, the promo, the rock remix… it failed to chart in the top 75, a real shame because I think it’s excellent, and just unfortunate that drama and feuding is what lands Megan a top 40 debut. That’s not to say she wouldn’t have charted without Nicki’s free promo of the otherwise not really substantial song by causing such a fuss, but definitely not at #31. Now, there are elements of this song that make it much clearer that it was intended as a piece of music rather than a worthless gossip piece. Firstly, it came with a big video, it’s actually mixed with double-tracked vocals and a decent amount of care put into a still minimal Dirty South beat, as well as a consistent, catchy flow and aggressive delivery that I can appreciate. Even the spoken word elements are left to interludes instead of grand amounts of the song, and sometimes rhyme… but regardless, this is still not exactly introspective in any way, it’s not inward-looking, or even forward-looking really. It’s a hit-out at a lot of the unwarranted hatred that surrounds Megan or is directed towards her, but it’s still just her going through a hit-list of complaints and haters, keeping it relatively subliminal - as much as I don’t like “Big Foot”, at least she’s being upfront. This often feels like it could be about anyone, so the unloading of dirty laundry feels much more detached and therefore easy to stop caring about, and this isn’t just me avoiding making comments on the beef, I apply this same standard to, say, Doja Cat, whose song “Attention” and album Scarlet I complained about being too focused on her own drama, and I’ve held many similar grievances with male rappers like Jack Harlow and ESPECIALLY Kanye in the past. When you let out your problems with people on wax, hook me in first, don’t just assume I’m already listening.

Conclusion

What a week, huh? Yeah, Skepta gets Best of the Week, of course he does. “Gas Me Up (Diligent)” is probably the most realised song this week, even if generally, a lack of realisation and finishing touch seems to be a vague theme in this episode. It’s not the only good song though, Yung Filly takes the Honourable Mention for “Grey”, whilst Worst of the Week should be just as obvious as Skepta’s shoe-in was… no pun intended there. The Dishonourable Mention, of course, goes to Justin Timberlake for “Selfish” because, man, no one wants to hear this from you, JT. As for what’s on the horizon… who knows? That’s for future me to figure out. For now, thank you for reading and I know I keep saying this, but I may see you earlier than next week.

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #megan thee stallion #skepta #justin timberlake #yung filly #nicki minaj #renee rapp #mean girls #ice spice

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 27/01/2024 (Noah Kahan/Sam Fender, Benson Boone, Becky Hill/Sonny Fodera)

I think it’s this week that I’ve realised Noah Kahan might be a bonafide star. We’ll get more to it later, but “Stick Season” spends a fourth week at #1 - welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, which I define as songs exiting the UK Top 75 (read the FAQ) after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40, and this week wasn’t too busy but it did come with some fair losses. Therefore, we bid adieu to “When We Were Young (The Logical Song)” by David Guetta and Kim Petras, “Stop Giving Me Advice” by Lyrical Lemonade, Jack Harlow and Dave (might be back next week given the album), “Won’t Forget You” by Jax Jones, D.O.D and Ina Wroldsen, assisted by a (bizarrely, credited) “donk” edit featuring The Blackout Crew, “One of Your Girls” by Troye Sivan, “Me & U” by Tems and FINALLY, “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift. It feels like it’s been there forever.

When it comes to our returns, we see the oddity of Sam Fender returning to #35 assumingly because of a boost to “Seventeen Going Under” that resulted from… well, you’ll see, but otherwise, we only have a handful of notable gains that, during a pretty dreadful-looking week, show some promise, and no, I don’t mean “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi somehow still here at #59, more so “Praise Jah in the Moonlight” by YG Marley at #51, “Scared to Start” by Michael Marcagi at #47, kind of grew on me, and “Nothing Matters” by The Last Dinner Party at #41… and less so “Toxic” by Songer at #32, please, let’s not do this, and on that same pleading note, “Alibi” by Ella Henderson featuring Rudimental at #26… why?! I suppose on a good note, Flo Milli is up to #17 with “Never Lose Me” and I can’t really complain about Natasha Bedingfield’s second wind at #13 with “Unwritten”, but it is majorly a mixed bag over here.

Our biggest story, however, rests in our top five, as “Homesick” by Noah Kahan debuts at #5, thanks to a version with Sam Fender who, surprisingly enough, is actually credited by the Official Charts Company, probably because, well, it would have no reason to as high as this without him. More on that later, but for now, it’s pretty standard elsewhere - Jack Harlow’s “Lovin’ on Me” at #4, “yes, and?” by Ariana Grande at #3, “Murder on the Dancefloor” by Sophie Ellis-Bextor at #2 and of course, Mr. Kahan still sitting at the very top. Now we have a… considerably unpromising set of new songs to discuss, so I guess we’ve just got to trek through that, and our starting point is…

New Entries

#75 - “Coal” - Dylan Gossett

Produced by Dylan Gossett

There aren’t that many new arrivals this week but the songs apart from one all fall into being either by singer-songwriter types or working as faceless EDM, and if you’ve been following this blog at all, you’d know those two styles really aren’t my thing, but hey, an independent folk singer racking up a streaming giant with a song from last year, notching him licensing with Republic, it could be promising in the same way I like Zach Bryan or even Oliver Anthony, who I assume we will never see again but appears as a recommended song in Mr. Gossett’s Spotify search terms. One has to wonder why and how but first of all, the elephant in the room: Diamonds aren’t made from coal.

I found several articles, both from sustainable energy advocacy outlets like TreeHugger and the people selling diamonds like With Clarity, clarifying that diamonds cannot really be made from coal. Coal is an impure carbon whilst diamonds are purer and whilst pressure is involved in the process, it is not a simple “one equals the other” sum, since coal has too much organic matter to be made into crystalline diamonds, especially since you can see vividly in the colour of rarer diamonds to what other chemicals may be found in them. Now I’m tempted to believe these articles as they’re backed by science, but if I’m wrong and these articles are just using words I don’t understand to spread a mythical debunking of an already existing myth that diamonds originate from coal, which is actually true all this time, then I’ll stand corrected. For now, the main conceit of this song, asking why under all this pressure, how the Hell he’s still “coal”, doesn’t really make much sense, and the rest of the song reads like listing off proverbs and sayings that fit the part but he doesn’t fully understand them or tie them together. Singer-songwriters are supposed to weave stories, when this feels like playing word association with common and universal wisdoms. For all of Oliver Anthony’s imperfect wording, at least you can tie them together to refer to a specific viewpoint, seeing where those views align, without becoming vague “woe is me” platitudes that don’t hold much reason for said pity, or really any narrative detail. You might see this as nitpicking but when it’s just a guy with a guitar, he opens himself up for interpretation and autopsy, possibilities he seems to willingly flail away by displaying disappointingly little to even work with, and as the song fills itself up with non-verses, as tightly as this kind of song can be produced without a particularly impressive vocal performance, one starts to wonder what the appeal in this even is. It’s a non-song, let’s move on.

#71 - “Incredible Sauce” - Giggs featuring Dave

Produced by Payday and David Morse

The #1 album this week was Green Day’s best album in decades. I have a full first-impressions review of Saviors on my RateYourMusic listening log (exclusivelytopostown) and whilst I understand that sales factor in here, I’d have loved for the only song here that bucks the categorical trends I laid out earlier to be a cut from that record. Instead, we have a Giggs song from last year that I’m honestly surprised has yet to chart already, given the Dave feature and that it was released in August of last year. Apart from the… choice of a name, I still don’t really know what level of quality to expect from Giggs, outside of a comical menace that emerges largely from his attempt to be “laidback” that can more accurately be described as an active  coveting of his natural voice to sound much more relaxed than he really is, considering he’s never sounded comfortable with a flow he picks out, which becomes especially clear with Dave on the hook as he actually pulls off sounding effortless. Giggs’ delivery honestly reminds me of Dean Blunt’s satirical British rap project Babyfather more than anything, especially with the half-asleep cadences leaving so much dead air in this eerie, stagnant trap beat. The song doesn’t end with a piece of classic Dave wordplay, though he’s not on his A-game here comparing himself to Sonic the Hedgehog, it just ends with “Lingerie on a special occasion”… okay. That’s barely even a flex, why does it punctuate the track’s final moments? This is just another ugly showing of substanceless pretence from Dave over a pretty minimal beat with an absolutely worthless performance from Giggs, whose verses feel double the length and really halt any possible fun that could be had from Dave’s bite-size verse. Somehow, this ends up much like “Coal” - there’s just nothing here.

#39 - “Whatever” - Kygo and Ava Max

Produced by, well, Kygo

Speaking of nothingness, welcome back, Kygo and Ava Max… Jesus Christ. Okay, well, if anything is the saving grace this week outside of #5, it will be this.

I have just checked the sample credits, I have bad news. To delay the suffering, I will say that I kind of like the production here, the acoustics remind me of Avicii’s pretty seamless blend of folk pop with the anthemic festival house that defined much of his catalogue. Kygo has always been a detailed producer who pays much attention to ensuring his songs are as easy as possible on the ears, and he succeeds in the sense of this being a very pretty little tune with depths of cute synth pads, guitar rolicks and plucky percussion. Ava Max herself actually impresses me a tad here vocally, mostly because since this is a Kygo song, she can belt without clipping unnecessarily in the mix for once. However, and this is a big however, the main hook of the song, its crux, if you will, is a direct interpolation and rewording of the iconic melody to Shakira’s “Whenever, Wherever”, a 2001 single that debuted and peaked at #2 for two weeks in 2002 here in the UK, being kept off the top spot by Will Young’s double A-side of “Anything is Possible” and “Evergreen”. I can’t believe such a classic was blocked by not even Westlife, but a Westlife COVER, yet I digress, this is just a lazy and frankly obnoxious way of using the song’s chorus. Kygo is clearly dipping into the David Guetta pool of reskinning prior hits, and I will give it to him that he’s not just redoing a classic EDM track, this is largely a unique house single, but that may make the last-resort hook that much more disappointing. I’m disappointed in you, Kygo. Not you, Ava Max, you can just do whatever. Albania forever.

#36 - “Skin and Bones” - David Kushner

Produced by Rob Kirwin

Oh, we’re actually making David Kushner a thing, fantastic, that other song just had so much to offer, didn’t it? I feel like I can very quickly summarise this melodramatic, uber-serious noir piano ballad, deepened by some of the ugliest froggy-sounding snaps I’ve heard in pop music and only plunged further into sludge by Kushner’s insufferable lyrics, by just a stray observation. When I clicked on the Genius annotation for the first verse of this song, it was completely empty. At least to the first verse, there’s literally nothing there: an empty annotation box. It may just be a glitch on my part, or it was deleted for whatever reason, but regardless, I think this exemplifies how little this song has to offer: someone attempted to just touch upon the pretty self-explanatory first verse, attempted to offer some wisdom or deeper analysis that seems granted with the cinematic grandeur of it all, and couldn’t cough anything up. Once again, there’s just nothing here.

#34 - “Never be Alone” - Becky Hill and Sonny Fodera

Produced by Sonny Fodera

I mean… it has a pulse at least. In fact, this is much more interesting than I expected for Becky, and not necessarily in a lyrical front, simply because she does not need to do much more than recite boardroom word association over four-on-the-floor, but moreso with her vicious delivery, going into an attack that sounds like it was overpowering the mix before being blended a bit more clearly into the nostalgic breakbeat hardcore rhythm that punctuates a surprisingly long build-up into a… surprisingly unique drop. This is really just a flex show for Sonny Fodera here, but Becky stepped up to the plate to match his passion and energy, bringing more of a rough instinct to the trickling alien synth critter that grounds the 90s pads and rock-solid breakbeats into a killer pre-drop that genuinely took me aback, as did this drop, which completely ditches the breakbeats for a tense hardcore kick and more atmospheric, glitching pads that run through the mix like a spiralling staircase, as Becky’s vocalising becomes little more than an inhuman drone until it’s removed altogether. The intensity of the track, filling up the mix with padded quirks even when the breakbeats are relegated to simple fills, is genuinely unprecedented for Becky Hill, and I’m actually really glad that she is not only on hopping on much more effective and unique production, but stepping out of her comfort zone to riff and meander in a way that she never really lets herself do, even in her looser songs. I am honestly quite shocked, but this is fantastic. If this doesn’t smash like much of Becky’s tighter, more restrictive cuts have in the past few years, I will be immensely disappointed.

#18 - “Beautiful Things” - Benson Boone

Produced by Evan Blair

Sigh… one of my first thoughts when Kushner had success with “Daylight” was how much he seemed cut from the same cloth as Mr. Boone over here, and to be completely honest, the concept of the two charting the same week chased me in my worst of nightmares. Hey, at least my dreams have become reality! To be fair to Booner Boy here, he has what Khrushchev and Gossamer lacked: genuine lyrical detail in the verses. There is a certain dichotomy between the universalities of the choruses and pre-chorus compared to the pretty niche and incredibly lucky situation he’s found himself in during the verses, it almost reminds me of Tom Odell’s “Black Friday” given its wordy mundanity, but that’s only lyrically, as I don’t hear much here connecting the two sonically, especially given the faint bass and reliance on soaring guitars on “Beautiful Things” that makes it almost more of a pop rock tune, one that is surprisingly willing to ditch much of its initial build-up for a desperate screech over stop-and-start staccato guitar rhythms that go way harder than I expected. This is what I’ve been saying Lewis Capaldi should be doing for years, if these moan and drone singer-songwriter sadboys are going to have their voice fit over anything, it’s not basic adult contemporary swells, it’s melodramatic, no-holds-barred pop rock, and this honestly becomes pretty killer by that first chorus. The guy can let out a desperate cry, and I’ll be damned if he’s not convincing as he airs out his paranoia about this perfect relationship breaking down. The second chorus could use some deviation, but I’m a sucker for radio rock that takes itself way too seriously and considering his dire earlier material, this may as well be Mr. Boone: The Animated Series. I really want to hear more of this from this guy, and it seems that these last few songs may be the light at the end of the tunnel for an unpromising week.

#5 - “Homesick” - Noah Kahan and Sam Fender

Produced by Noah Kahan and Gabe Simon

Okay, it’s Noah Kahan: there is a base level of quality here and I am actually always excited to hear a new song from him because at least there’s always a lot to uncover and appreciate even if the song isn’t great or has some grating element throwing a spanner in the cogs. This is especially true with Sam Fender in play, as this raises the standard of quality to at least bearable and at its worst, it’s going to be an interesting and perhaps powerful narrative… and if we’re talking about lyrical detail, I mean, Kahan’s your man, almost too much so given some of the awkward wording in that original version from his Stick Season album. On hearing those church organs sliding just slightly off the careening heartland rock groove, I knew exactly why Mr. Fender ended up on this specific song, and this actually lets Kahan let out a little, have a little more fun as he vocalises playfully about his frustrations, delivered largely in the form of punchlines, about his slow small town, with the chorus being him breaking down and basically begging for a reason to grab him out of that place, even if it’s where he grew up, using an on-the-nose but still fun play on words with the term “homesick”. I do wish there was a bit more to its mid-section, it feels like it stagnates a bit once we reach the chorus for the first time, mostly structurally. I want to hear more of Kahan’s stray, funny observations, but we don’t really get more of that even with the ramped-up intensity and a guitar solo way too Weezer-coded for me to not get a stupid grin on my face.

As for the Fender version, well, this is the best-implemented anyone has been in these Kahan duets yet, given Fender brings a new verse giving a unique and personal story about the background of riots in northern England that informed his town, injecting further reason to why one may be Kahan’s form of “homesick”, but also, despite being more strikingly intimate and less darkly comic in his observations, finding a valid and heartfelt reason to live his life outside of that home town: the dreams his father set out for him lay far away from where they were instilled. It adds a lot of depth to the song, and whilst Kahan and Fender don’t play off each other incredibly well, they have a decent chemistry that from interviews with Dork and People seem to have arisen from very similar hapless upbringings and recurring topics in both catalogues. Additionally, I like Fender’s voice more than Kahan’s, and the harmonies fill out the  mix so it’s a tad more impactful, so I think this new version actually beats out the original. I’m also pretty happy that this week, starting off with a lot of mediocrity and not exactly a promising set of artists for me, personally, ended up surprising me with that three-track run by the end, and trailing off with two killer rock songs is the best way to make me feel a lot happier about a week as a whole.

Conclusion

I’m relatively predictable, especially when we get alt-rock on the charts, so I feel like despite how much I liked the Becky Hill song, it’s no surprise that Benson Boone ends up snabbing an insanely close Best of the Week for “Beautiful Things”. It was pretty much neck-and-neck with “Homesick” by Noah Kahan and Sam Fender, which is of course the Honourable Mention, and whilst I think that it is lyrically more insightful, there’s an instinctual raucousness to the emotion in The Booney One’s track that just hits that bit harder. As for the worst, I mean David Kushner obviously gets Worst of the Week pretty much effortlessly with “Skin and Bones”, but I do think I was just frustrated enough with Dylan Gossett to grant his song “Coal” with the Dishonourable Mention. At least Giggs wasn’t trying to say anything profound, and if he was, then I sincerely worry for him.

What’s on the horizon next? God knows, it’s January, but Justin Timberlake has a comeback single, Tom Odell has an album, it may be the week of even more whiny white dudes. Story of my life. Thank you for reading and I’ll see you perhaps a bit earlier than next week.

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #noah kahan #sam fender #benson boone #sonny fodera #becky hill #david kushner #kygo #ava max #giggs #dave #dylan gossett

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 20/01/2024 (Ariana Grande, 21 Savage's american dream, D-Block Europe)

The story of this week is… well, there are a lot of stories, and the moral of nearly all of them is: don’t get your hopes up. Noah Kahan’s “Stick Season” has halted a certain someone off the top spot, and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we swiftly ignore you-know who and instead spend a little time on the notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover (read the FAQ), after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. As one would expect, there’s quite a lot of movement this week so we do have a hefty list, bidding farewell to… “Just Another Rainbow” by Liam Gallagher and John Squire after just one week at #16, “Entrapreneur” by Central Cee, “You’re Losing Me” (From the Vault) by Taylor Swift getting three-song-ruled out and exchanged for another Taylor song, and then “Standing Next to You” by Jung Kook, “Murdaside” by Mazza_l20 and friends, “First Person Shooter” by Drake featuring J. Cole, “adore u” by Fred again.. and Obongjayar, “Daylight” by David Kushner, “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus and the Selena Gomez-assisted “Calm Down” by Rema. Yeah, some massive losses this week, it really is ushering in the 2024 hit parade this quickly

As for our notable gains, well, we see a return for “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift at #69 due to the swap I talked about earlier - it really isn’t a good trade-off in my opinion. Aside from that, there are boosts for “Black Friday” by Tom Odell at #31 which I can’t complain about, and same goes for “Never Lose Me” by Flo Milli at #24. I will complain about “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield at #18, but that brings us neatly to our top five, where we have Teddy Swims fly in at #5 with “Lose Control”, followed by familiar faces, “Lovin’ on Me” by Jack Harlow at #4 and “Murder on the Dancefloor” by Sophie Ellis-Bextor at #3, and then, despite multiple versions and a music video, Noah Kahan fended off Ariana Grande’s comeback single “yes, and?”, stalling out narrowly at #2. It’s fully the season of the sticks, and also the season of 11 Goddamn song reviews, some of which were expected and don’t give me much to say, or much that I want to say, and some that just came out of thin air. I guess let’s just get this party started.

New Entries

#73 - “Scared to Start” - Michael Marcagi

Produced by David Baron

This episode is brought to you by our sponsor, Who the Hell is This Guy? So, Mr. Marcagi started out as the lead singer for non-starter indie rock band The Heavy Hours, before the release of two very recent and very obviously trend-chasing solo singer-songwriter singles. This is the second of them, and seems to have been his breakout and yeah, I suppose we have Noah Kahan at home. The song is overall about a youthful relationship that gets them into undetailed recklessness and escapism, particularly getting away from a small boring town into being on-the-road nomads, without much care for where the future actually takes them. I like the heartland rock pianos and the tried-and-true drop into half-time for the second chorus, though by the time he does it again in the final chorus, I mostly wish he just picked up the pace as the momentum needs to accelerate from there if it’s such a carpe diem track, it feels like a missed opportunity to really go hard at the final hustle, like Kahan would do. As a whole, it’s really not that difficult to see why this is here or even why people could love it, but I feel like it needed more refining to truly make it worthwhile.

#63 - “Praise Jah in the Moonlight” - YG Marley

Produced by Lauryn Hill, YG Marley and JohnnyG

When I say everything will chart in January, I mean everything. This is one of Bob Marley’s many grandchildren, and yes, that is the Lauryn Hill you’re thinking of. She married into the Marleys, this is her son, she co-produced and co-wrote the song, which additionally samples the original Marley’s “Crisis”, a 1978 track with the Wailers, an uplifiting song about living it up through crisis, staying aware of tragedy but taking time to yourself to allow for fun to be had, peace to be found. I like the song a lot, but it was an album track and hence never charted until it was sampled on this newer song from late last year, which - this is not the first time this week we’ll see this either - turns the otherwise conscious track into a love ballad, but sonically, it’s incredibly faithful, even down to the liquidy reggae groove and charming background singers. Sadly, YG does not have the presence of his grandfather, sounding mostly like a nervous, Auto-Tuned child stumbling onto the school talent show, but that’s also partly due to the mix crushing his nasal croon a bit, it feels smashed in between different elements of the mix instead of resting carefreely in it like Bob would. I do actually appreciate the shift in content for the second verse, which I can only assume was written by Ms. Lauryn Hill considering its cynical, conscious stabs at soul-taking and standing your ground. In fact, I actually like this song quite a lot - whilst it starts off as a love ballad, it ends up using more of an appreciative worship angle that fits much better with the lax, improvisational performance, especially once Lauryn comes in for the outro, it’s just nice to hear her singing again, to be honest. The guitars are also surprisingly sludgy by the end, it feels, fitting the mix’s general vibe, which makes it feel a tad sinister or at least defiant, which makes the sample flip - or really, recreation - a lot more sensible. So, yeah, I think this turns around to actually being quite good, if not great? I guess you can’t go wrong when you just plod in that classic Bob Marley tune as a loop for so long and get Lauryn Hill to do backup, I mean, it really does not seem like you can go wrong placing those two together on a track, albeit posthumously. I know it’s never coming but part of me wants to at least hope this may mean we get, if not a solo album, a wider array of collaborations from Lauryn Hill in the future.

#61 - “No Man’s Land” - Marshmello and venbee

Produced by Marshmello, Digital Farm Animals and Earwulf

To be completely honest, I thought Marshmello’s time in the Sun was over. He’s been latching onto Fuerza Regida and Latin music overall Stateside, so I figured his hit-making days could be far behind him, yet here he is without a reggaetónero or corrida band, and instead venbee, who has yet to really replicate the success of “messy in heaven”, but maybe this will be a winning combination and not another desperate last-minute attempt by Marshmello to find a final niche before the spark dies completely. Surely by now, you know where this is going. Mr. Mello even got Digital Farm Animals to co-write and produce so there really is a distant scent of imminent failure written into this one. That’s not to say the song isn’t good because, well, despite all my cynicism, it’s a damn good track, I actually really love this one. It has all the 2018 plastic tropical flavour but due to going for a faster-paced drum and bass rolick and surprisingly compressed and gross-sounding mix on venbee’s vocals, it doesn’t have any of the effortless sheen and instead sounds a bit rough around the edges, with even the little intricate details in that second verse sounding a bit out of place. That lines up pretty perfectly with venbee’s self-loathing that she feels has buried her into an isolation that she can’t really handle considering how much she hates that cycle. Now I don’t think this’ll be a hit: it sounds like something that could be a sleeper success, but by the time it would get much traction, the song is rather too depressive to be dropped into a Summer EDM mix, and honestly, we have no track record for venbee in terms of any consistent success, and it’s not like Marshmello is a pull anymore. So whilst I actually think this is brilliant, I would have to say to Marshmello: Maybe don’t get your hopes up.

#59 - “J CHRIST” - Lil Nas X

Produced by Omer Fedi, Gesaffelstein and Lil Nas X

“The biggest comeback” since Jesus and he couldn’t even break top 50? In this chart climate? In this economy? I did see a lot of social media disillusionment with Lil Nas’ religious angle, none of which I agreed with because really, it’s only his second time doing so and who decided that artists suddenly couldn’t use themes in their music? Yet that may explain the lack of success out of the gate for… “J CHRIST” - God, what a terrible song title - and I can’t say it’s unfortunate, this song is terrible, and not in an honest-sounding way either. LNX has never sounded more bored and typical, going for a vocal take that doesn’t even fully sound like him, as if he was pitched up in post, and the lyrics seem absolutely unfinished if not unchanged from a mumbling reference track. Even the catchy hook is pretty gimmicky with the “high note”, and the second verse just repeats itself sloppily over this piano-based trap beat, that doesn’t really go anywhere at all. In fact, if left on its own, one could consider this a bit of a feat: gawk in awe at Lil Nas X trying and failing to inject life into an amateur YouTube remake of “HUMBLE.” made by a guy with 12 subscribers! Yet due to the promising, alien outro from Gesaffelstein, we know that more effort could have been put into this to make it much more unique and refreshing, and his springy synth bounce lingers throughout the rest of the track, especially that pre-chorus, as a tease for something to come, which would be promising if that “something to come” wasn’t the absolute lowest barrier of entry for decent music: being interesting. Again, don’t get your hopes up.

#46 - “Alibi” - Ella Henderson featuring Rudimental

Produced by Aidan Glover, Cliff Masterson, Rudimental and Punctual

It is with the deepest of sighs that I say the late Coolio’s iconic Dangerous Minds soundtrack cut “Gangsta’s Paradise”, that has long outlasted its film companion, debuted at #1 upon release in 1995 and stayed there for two weeks total, and has returned intermittently to the UK Singles Chart since 2009 due to just how great of a song it is, a timeless Stevie Wonder flip with L.V. on the chorus and some of the most harrowing yet accessible conscious verses that have ever appeared on a chart hit. Ella Henderson, we are not doing this. Why Rudimental decided to credit themselves onto this… thing they barely produced is beyond me, because this is a worthless parody of the original, a dead-on-arrival concept with little respect for its source material… but that makes it sound cool, doesn’t it? It makes it sound risky, like it’s trying new things, when in reality, that’s far from the case. Ms. Henderson copies inflections and melodies directly from L.V., who already took them from Stevie, and replaces the lyrics with meaningless relationship platitudes. The beat is stock drum and bass, the main lead sample is from the most famous and memed part of the song. This kind of song makes me question whether I can even consider it art at all because what human aspect could have possibly been involved in this? Ella’s singing, sure, but not only are the vocals touched-up in post, it’s not like she or her choir care all too much about emoting these lyrics, and they really shouldn’t. Sure, a human - or several, according to the credits - programmed this song, but would you really be surprised if it was done algorithmically based on a TikTok search of the original song? I love sampling, it’s possibly the most interesting thing about popular music past the 1990s, but some reinventions are little more than fleeting insults at artists not alive to repel them. The man rejected Weird Al’s parody and even after he’d lightened up about that, I have serious doubt he would sign off on this garbage. May he rest in peace - I personally really love his other single “Fantastic Voyage”, maybe even more than “Gangsta’s Paradise”, and I’ll always remember his voice performance as the Kwanzaabot in Futurama. This? I’m trying not to remember it. Hopefully the UK can realise this for its cheap distasteful novelty and leave it  buried in the dregs of Spotify where it belongs.

#42 - “Heather on the Hill” - Nathan Evans

Produced by Alan Jukes and Stevie Jukes

I’m… genuinely surprised Nathan Evans is still popping up, especially with a song like this. The title may be referring to the song of the same name in the 1947 musical Brigadoon, set in the Scottish Highlands, perhaps most well known in its version by Grace Kelly. Now that is a beautiful composition with a surprisingly frail performance in the verses that really gives a lot of lackadaisical charm to the track, even if I’ve never even heard of the musical before. This track by everyone’s favourite sea-shantier has nothing to do with that song. The traditional Scottish folk strings may interpolate the original slightly but this is a pop song through and through, with Lewis Capaldi-esque vocal and guitar production, it’s all compressed and staccato and aimless but at least you can tell Evans is Scottish given all the references which would seem tacky if there weren’t just so many of them, and Hell, I’m not Scottish, I can’t judge how a Scotsman expresses his Scottishness. There is a great dramatic charm in the absolute joyfulness this seems to at least want to display, especially with the Scottish folk chaos in the back of the mix and Evans just giving it all he can. In fact, I kind of love this: it’s an adorable love song that ends very abruptly for no good reason, is littered with little Scottish lyrical details, and whilst it doesn’t hit the same as the song from the musical, it’s going for an entirely different vibe: one of folkish lovestruckness and awe, admiration. This feels like a first crush, if my first crush was from Orkney. She wasn’t, of course, but I can dream; both songs I discovered from this entry I appreciate in largely different ways but are pretty admirable all the same.

#27 - “n.h.i.e.” - 21 Savage and Doja Cat

Produced by Kurtis McKenzie, Scribz Riley, Jonah and Nineteen85

Okay, so 21 Savage released a new album, american dream, last Friday, and it debuts at #2 on the UK albums chart, with three new songs debuting here because the entire album was new material, and quite frankly, next to none of it fit the concept of the album, and that includes pretty much everything we have here. It’s really frustrating when ambition, especially conceptual ambition, seems to be promised and whilst the product itself is completely fine, serviceable and in the case of this 21 album, frankly quite good, it does not abide by the ideas that were presented in, say, the introduction, the soundtrack connection, how 21’s mother appears on both the opener and closer to speak frankly about her experiences and how they relate to her son’s, especially in regards to travelling from London to the US. Given that 21’s finally gained US residency and this seemed like his way of commemorating his escape from the confusing citizenship debacle, wherein he can be proud of both his British and American heritage, I was quite disappointed when it was 90% a typical rap album with soul samples, trap beats, flexing on haters, having sex with women, killing people in comical detail and even having a second half largely consisting of R&B just for the ladies, I suppose. With all that, like I said, I enjoyed the album! 21 is a lyrically and vocally quite fun presence nowadays, and the production was incredibly cohesive in its sound despite trying out some different rhythms and vibes throughout. It is, by all means, a good 21 Savage album, but if you’re hoping for more than that, again, don’t get your hopes up. As for the tracks that debuted, they are by far the least interesting and actually some of my least favourites. This one has an eerie guitar lick but also Doja Cat all over the track just whispering and distractingly so, with 21 kind of on autopilot, even if his short verse is pretty good. Doja is doing the whole quirked-up not-a-rapper schtick with the “ad-lib!” ad-lib and basic flow accentuated by again, those multi-tracked whispers and outright refusal to write a verse of considerable length. It’s just lazy on mostly her part but pretty much everyone else as well, there’s little to care for here.

#23 - “née-nah” - 21 Savage, Travis Scott and Metro Boomin

Produced by Metro Boomin

Why is the song called that? Anyway, this is my least favourite track easily. You have a straight minute of Travis wasting my time - without the Auto-Tune, without the spacey production, without the atmospheric concepts and ambition, who even IS this guy, really, other than an unconvincing cornball who never decides on a solid flow and fills up time with ad-libs, including some weird Westside Gunn riffing this time around? Also, considering how much time he’s spent with Kanye, I’m getting slightly worried to who this villainous “they” he’s referring to in this verse all the time might actually be, he’s been oddly defensive and conspiratory since UTOPIA at least. This is a completely serviceable Metro beat, though it actually gets kind of hard on the ears midway through due to that shrill sample that doesn’t really have much to blend with when the chopped, vintage sample isn’t present. It’s a shame that the rest of the track is pretty much garbage because 21 delivers some of his most violently funny and out-of-pocket verses on this whole album, with a cold-as-Hell chorus and lines about Virgil Abloh and Usher that hit pretty hard as punchlines. Again, a shame it’s all placed here on what was for everyone else, a throwaway track.

#19 - “Eagle” - D-Block Europe and Noizy

Produced by Da Beatfreakz

DBE sold like 10 million USB sticks or something, their album is #1 yet here’s their sole track in the top 75. Now this is the kind of so-bad-it’s-enjoyable DBE I like to hear, with Beatfreakz on production, an unusually long, minimal intro, an array of deranged ad-libs, terrible Auto-Tune, Young Adz stammering helplessly and not understanding how disparate some of the consecutive lyrics are from each other. He barely sticks to a coherent flow and starts the chorus with declaring that he thinks he’s Albanian, but he doesn’t enunciate so it sounds like he just calls himself the country of Albania. We even have Dirtbike Lb going for a verse that completely washes whatever Youthful Advertisement was doing, he actually kind of kills his verse, it’s impressive. The flow switch is much clearer and well-done than whatever Adz tries his hand at, his slurring and naturally slow, droning delivery is used to its best extent here. Oh, and like half the song belongs to this one extended verse from an actual Albanian rapper, Noizy, who goes in… I think? He says near the end, “I’m Albanian, you’re not supposed to like me” and I really don’t know what to make of that, or this song in general, it’s kind of a fascinating mess with some genuine flow highlights but mostly just bizarre choices. In that regard, classic DBE.

#11 - “redrum” - 21 Savage

Produced by London on da Track and Peeb

My favourite track from this album is “see the real”, a sassy, witty and dismissive hyphy-esque bop that inflects a lot of melody into 21’s sound but not enough to dissuade you from his cold demeanour. Some of my other favourite tracks include the sincere PSA “dark days”, the needlessly catchy R&B track “should’ve wore a bonnet” and yeah, “redrum” has none of what I just described. It’s pure violence, it got the music video set in London, so here it is, with its Italian classical music sample in the intro that just eventually forms into a menacing, unchanging loop. It sounds great, but with the caveat that it also just sounds like that the whole time. If 21 weren’t generally an incredibly compelling and more importantly convincing presence as a killer on the mic, this would be a pretty unimpressive beat, so it really shows how much better an instrumental can sound when the right pocket’s found, and for 21, who is on his A-game punchline and ad-lib wise on this track, it seems almost effortless. I’ve obviously not got much else to say about this song or the album as a whole, but I do think it’s a shame that its most unique and enlightening moments didn’t make their way to the charts, or that they were so few and far between to begin with. Hey, at least we didn’t get any shreds of that terrible Kid Cudi project, right? Sheesh.

#2 - “yes, and?” - Ariana Grande

Produced by Ariana Grande, Max Martin and ILYA

It’s fine. I know it’s the big story of the week but there’s nothing too celebratory, triumphant, badass or even interesting about this comeback single from Ariana, that clearly goes for an attitude it couldn’t fully commit to, given the cheaper-than-usual sounding vocaloid chop behind the diva house pianos and a cooing that sems to miss the point of its own genre. Lyrically, it’s self-motivation but I mean, we have “BREAK MY SOUL”, and the genuinely experimental and explorative RENAISSANCE from just two years ago, we really don’t need a lacklustre Ariana Grande rendition of this genre, especially when she’s completely phoning it in. She’s not someone who’s meant to chant mantras, that’s not the kind of loose, parading singer she is, it’s why she never worked on trap beats. The spoken word bridge is pitched-up - because sure, Ariana needs pitching up of all singers - and practically egregious: going for the censor during the Ethan Slater-related line is exactly the “serve” it was intended to be, given that it’s the one time the song actually feels like it exists, but it also just drills this hole further that Ari cannot sell this at all, and should absolutely not be trying to when the audience, even if invested in the “I’m fucking the SpongeBob guy” drama, cannot find themselves motivated by because, well, last time I checked, the only other person fucking the SpongeBob guy was the mother of his child. If someone can point me to the passion and empowerment in this song and its seven other versions instead of a lingering tinge of desperate acting-out, please do, because every listen just leaves an even sourer note in my mouth. Ugh, let’s move on.

Conclusion

I actually did not dislike “yes, and?” before writing this episode, but several listens and caring to look at the lyrics more have really prevented me from enjoying it the way I wanted to so, yes, it will get the Dishonourable Mention, with the Worst of the Week being so obvious I really don’t have to say it, do I? Best of the Week goes to Marshmello and venbee for “No Man’s Land” with an Honourable Mention to Nathan Evans of all people with “Heather on the Hill” and I suppose that’s it. It was a bit of a long ordeal this week, but thank you for reading, see you… a bit earlier than next Friday, I think, but still, next week.

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #ariana grande #21 savage #american dream #d-block europe #noizy #travis scott #metro boomin #doja cat #nathan evans #ella henderson #rudimental #lil nas x #marshmello #venbee #yg marley #lauryn hill #michael marcagi

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13/01/2023 (Liam Gallagher/John Squire, Lewis Capaldi, Bring Me the Horizon)

Welp, Noah Kahan’s back at #1 with “Stick Season” for a second consecutive week - kinda surprised this is the hit song we start off the year with but alas, welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

Now this is the kind of balls-to-the-wall week I expect from early January, and we’ll get to that, but as always, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we say farewell to “ten” by Fred again.. and Jozzy, “Take on Me” by a-ha, “(It Goes Like) Nanana” by Peggy Gou, “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac, “I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me)” by Whitney Houston, “Giving Me” by Jazzy, “Miracle” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding, "Escapism." by RAYE featuring 070 Shake and "As it Was" by Harry Styles.

Now as for songs still showing up on the charts, we have our notable gains, and given January actually has a lot of stuff going on pop music wise, I’m not entirely sure how well these will maintain their momentum but regardless, we do see boosts for… “When We Were Young (The Logical Song)” by David Guetta and Kim Petras at #53, “Riptide” by Vance Joy at #49 - oh, this is dire. Noah Kahan’s good, sure, but it really does not mean we need to stomp and holler our way back to 2014. Sigh, elsewhere, at least we have “Never Lose Me” by Flo Milli at #41, but also “Toxic” by Songer at #39 - God, let’s not do this, please - “Perfect (Exceeder)” by Mason and Princess Superstar at #26, “Feather” by Sabrina Carpenter at #19, “Popular” by The Weeknd, Playboi Carti and Madonna getting a second wind at #11 and finally, Teddy Swims with his first top 10 as “Lose Control” rises to #6, not really complaining about that one.

In addition, we see another film-related return with Natasha Bedingfield’s “Unwritten” finding use in this romcom Anyone but You which no, I haven’t watched and unlike Saltburn, probably won’t. Regardless, the song debuted and peaked at #6 in 2004 the week that “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid 20 debuted at the top of the charts, and it’s now back at #24. I’m a lot less fond of this one, but it’s mostly fine, I’m more exhausted by how 2024 seems to be going even harder in just reviving catalogue songs instead of having new hits.

As for our top five, it seems pretty standard with “greedy” by Tate McRae at #5, “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe at #4 and “Lovin’ on Me” at #3, but then we have Sophie Ellis-Bextor reaching the same peak she reached back at release with “Murder on the Dancefloor” at #2. I don’t really get why the scene in the film, which whilst memorable, is hardly a worthwhile payoff to that shitfest, but I digress, is what propelled this but I almost think it was just sitting there, ready for any excuse to start skirting up the Spotify charts. Oh, and Noah Kahan’s at #1, of course, let’s check out what’s new, because there’s actually more here than last week… and it’s a bit more interesting… Hell, it’s actually pretty incomprehensible this week, so let’s just find some kind of through line, and we start with a certainty that is oddly comforting nowadays…

New Arrivals

#72 - “Skims” - D-Block Europe

Produced by THESCAM and Hash-K

Ah, my good old friends Young Adz and Dirtbike Lb. It’s even produced by… “THESCAM”, wow, I guess it says gullible on the ceiling of your mansion, guys. They released a mixtape or album or whatever and this is a single from it - yes, we’re getting back to back DBE weeks - and it’s just terrible as you’d expect. The tuned-out piano is almost plugg-esque, and surprisingly enough, Dirtbike Lb handles much of this, talking about women mostly as well as a lot of flexing, and whilst he can’t make a catchy hook to save his life, I like Dirtbike’s voice here, he sounds more… stable than usual, and the drums actually hit fairly hard through the whole song. On an objective level, if there is one, this is one of their most competent lead singles until Young Adz comes in with “Presidential, Emmanuel Macron”. That’s the French President. That’s just the French President, you can’t just say the French President. That’s not a bar. He’s mixed too loud and brags about paying with crypto and giving a girl so much money that she… can’t tax evade anymore. Sure. Good to have you back, guys.

#71 - “Nothing Matters” - The Last Dinner Party

Produced by James Ellis Ford

Alright, we have our first of many sleeper hits to debut this week, but this is actually one of the newer ones, being released just early last year. This is the debut single for all-female indie rock band The Last Dinner Party, hailing from London and getting James Ellis Ford, who’s produced for a who’s who of British alternative acts and Kylie Minogue, to work on their debut album coming out in February. We start with an organ, which is almost ironically religious for this kind of song, as lead singer Abigail Morris, through her very British delivery, pretty much condemns herself prematurely for what she’s about to say, “I have my sentence now”, it seems final and self-loathing for what is pretty much a newfound love song, where her partner is struggling to move on but it’s a complete rush for Morris, who seems to hold a lot of power. They can hold her like they held their last girlfriend, but what she’s going to do is fuck you so good that none of that matters, and yeah, this is brilliant. There’s such a bending character to Morris’ vocals, I love the flailing yacht rock guitars in the verses that end up picking up into an incredibly catchy bass groove peppered by the claps in the basic yet anthemic chorus that doesn’t change because, well, it doesn’t change like much will change at this point. To her, there’s not a third person that matters, or at least there’s not a third opinion she values more than getting off on their misunderstanding, and then that staccato bridge explodes into a great squealing guitar solo that ends up seamlessly mirroring the plastic horns that appear in the back of the - admittedly maybe a bit too compressed - mix for that final chorus, where we get a switch up in the rhythm and some impressive vocal runs from Morris.

#59 - “A Cure for Minds Overall” - Lewis Capaldi

Produced by TMS

…Can I use my free Get Out of Reviewing a Lewis Capaldi Song card? Oh, there are two Lewis Capaldi songs both from his deluxe edition? Sigh… well, I guess I’ll use these for another time. Well, for now, I can say that’s an ugly Britpop guitar tone that easily sounds like it could be a MIDI guitar just playing the same chord again and again, and like all of the songs from this album, Capaldi’s voice is mixed bizarrely, and really close, which could help the song’s intimacy, and mostly does, especially given it’s just as self-loathing and wordy as the others, and it goes for the same explosion of strings and belting as the others for the chorus… but God, it’s so tedious. I actually don’t mind the strings, the lyrics are pretty great, but this mix is such a blur of nothingness and the guitar just doesn’t stop. There are supposedly drums in this but they’re so unimpactful and shrouded by the terrible blending of the strings that it just sounds like a guy arguing with clouds and losing… which may actually be what he’s going for, in all honesty. I suppose it works?

#52 - “Ophelia” - The Lumineers

Produced by Simone Felice

…Why? Okay, so this is a sleeper hit from folk rock group The Lumineers and like I said, we’re stomp and hollering our way back to the days of “Ho Hey” as somehow, “Ophelia”, despite releasing in 2015 and being a minor hit Stateside, had never crossed over to the UK. This is really not my thing, even if I know that it’s really not a bad song. The reverb envelops the mix in a cinematic if slightly cheap, commercial-sounding way, and Wesley Schultz is far from a bad singer, his feature on my favourite song of last year kind of proved that I like his voice way more than I should. The jaunty hook is catchy if a tad unmemorable, carried by the gimmicky piano frolick that I’ve never liked, and you can hear he’s straining a bit in the third verse, out of a slight frustration but not a specific one. This song has always felt like vague-posting about a relationship to me and not in a very effective way because there’s little poetic about this song. I’m sorry, I don’t dislike these guys, I’m just not big on this one at all. I get why it’s going to probably be a hit now, I’m not really happy about it.

#37 - “Strangers” - Lewis Capaldi

Produced by The Monsters & Strangerz and Michael Pollack

Okay, our second effort from Mr. Capaldi here… he references “Wonderwall” within 10 seconds, and that’s not the last time we’ll be talking about Oasis, it’s one of those weeks. Anyway, this is just awkward: Lewis isn’t really fit for the fast-paced melody he uses given his frail, froggy voice, and there’s not much to cover that up given the minimal piano and strings backing. I genuinely think this could be a great song if just put against some real rock guitar and groove, it has an insanely catchy lead melody in the chorus that would rip in a pop rock context, but here we just have adult contemporary mush about a breakup… has this guy had 47 breakups or is he just talking about the same one each time? I mean, I guess it’s better than the last one because the mix sounds slightly more professional, but there’s not exactly much to latch onto here either.

#27 - “Practice” - Drake

Produced by 40 and Drake

This is a deep cut from 2011’s Take Care. What the Hell is going on?! To be fair, it’s still Drake, but it’s not even a song he’s pushing or got any kind of boost outside of a TikTok trend and, well, it fits the climate of pop music right now at least, since it samples the bounce classic “Back that Azz Up” by JUVENILE featuring Mannie Fresh, who also produced one of the most recognisable beats of all time, and a young Lil Wayne on the bridge. The Weeknd says he wrote the hook but it’s word for word from “Back that Azz Up” so not really sure what he’s going on about there. The explicit yet undeniable club jam actually never charted in the UK, but hey, now we have Drake singing it to yet another stripper he’s in love with. As for that version, I’ve never been a fan of this era of Drake, where he takes himself uber-seriously, can barely sing and is pathetic in a murkier way that just bothers me more than it allows me to laugh at him, especially when he just… recites the chorus to “Back that Azz Up” over a cloudy alternative R&B beat, and a lot of Juvie’s first for that matter. Outside of the drums, which sound straight from 2011, this isn’t exactly a beat too far from what Drake is putting out right now - he’d probably add a female vocal sample and 21 Savage guest verse if he were to make it today - so I suppose I guess why it’s here, but I can get this vibe done much more compellingly from early Weeknd, I see little value in this, or really the album as a whole in 2024, other than constructing the guy’s wounded armour in the public eye. I do hear people say they want the old Drake, so I guess the fans just put their streams where their mouths were.

#21 - “Kool-Aid” - Bring Me the Horizon

Produced by Zakk Cervini, Oli Sykes and Dan Lancaster

This cover art looks like an edgy AI prompt for “Kool-Aid Man digital art”. The Horizon boys have released many a single from this upcoming album, and I’m actually less excited with each one I hear, so I’m cautious here, especially given… well, it’s called “Kool-Aid”. Welp, is this an “Oh Yeah!” moment? No, not at all. This is an “Oh no” at best, and maybe that’s giving it too much credit. I do like the build-up with the shuttering synths and two-clap drop in the intro, but the rest of the song spends so much of its runtime in muddy breakdown mode that it just fails to function in any other way, despite going for screaming breakdowns afterwards as if the song had any momentum in the first place, with Oli Sykes going on about drinking the Kool-Aid and, man, I don’t think the social commentary is that interesting or up to date, and the violent relationship analogies aren’t nearly as transgressive as he thinks they are. The haunting backing vocals from Lucy Landry in the bridge are pretty sick, but they once again find themselves in a song that REALLY wants you to convince you on something, but never really tells you what that something is. They go all out with every Bring Me the Horizon trick in the book for the final chorus and it just seems desperate. I’ll pass on this, I hope there’s more to the deep cuts.

#16 - “Just Another Rainbow” - Liam Gallagher and John Squire

Produced by Greg Kurstin

This was headed for #1 on Sunday, really. Now at a much more reasonable spot but still higher than Liam Gallagher should be in 2024, this is the lead single from a collaborative album between Mr. Gallagher and John Squire, who used to be the guitarist for The Stone Roses, an influential and for what they were, incredibly popular rock band from the Madchester scene in the late 80s and early 90s. They actually released two top 40 comeback singles in 2016, to which Squire contributed, but have otherwise been largely inactive, with this being his first top 40 hit to his own name, with Squire making a guest appearance at Gallagher’s recent Knebworth performances in tribute to him guest starring at Oasis’ classic 1996 concert there, which I guess rekindled something in the duo. Is this slice of 90s alt-rock nostalgia going to be any good? You know what? Probably not, but on this week I’ll take it. Liam’s voice is still grating but that psychedelic guitar lick is pretty washed-out and cool, and I think the way the mirroring bass is mixed against it makes it sound pretty interesting instrumentally. It sounds lost and uncertain, finding itself only when the drums come in and it turns into a bit of a bluesy rocker that is just solid. There’s little to complain about other than Liam’s voice just being an acquired taste, as the song just slides itself to and fro, with some lyrics where he literally just lists the colours of the rainbow at some point, it’s kind of silly. I don’t see this lasting even a second week and it’s of course not the best of the rock songs of this week, even if it has the coolest solo of all of them: it feels really dynamic and kind of goes on forever in a soaring linger. If anything is proven by this song, I mean, John Squire still has it after all those years just painting away. That’s good to know.

Conclusion

Best of the Week should be pretty obvious, it’s going to The Last Dinner Party for “Nothing Matters”, which is actually fantastic and almost shocked me since I don’t expect much to stand out from the charting remains of indie landfill. Speaking of, I mean I guess it’s typical that another rock song gets the Honourable Mention, but no one was really competing with “Just Another Rainbow” by Liam Gallagher and John Squire, since the rest of this week really was kind of garbage. I actually think Bring Me the Horizon, who I do like around half of the time, snab Worst of the Week for “Kool-Aid”, which I feel second-hand embarrassment for. The Dishonourable Mention… give it to Lewis Capaldi. Moreso for the first one, but it’s not like “Strangers” is saving that sinking ship. As for what’s on the horizon, no pun intended, we’ll probably Ari and Lil Nas X playing an incredibly unbalanced game of tug-of-war for the #1. Thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #liam gallagher #john squire #lewis capaldi #bring me the horizon #drake #d block europe #lumineers #last dinner party