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deadcactuswalking · 15 hours

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 27/04/2024 (Taylor Swift's THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT, Drake's "Push Ups", Headie One/Stormzy/Tay Keith)

Let’s talk about Taylor Swift.

#4 - “Down Bad” - Taylor Swift

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift

Yeah, I’m cactus, welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS, blah, blah, blah - I don’t like bending the format of this series, which actually fares quite well for a massive artist who will inevitably debut on top as it ensures a build-up to the big smash hit, but I also like reflecting the culture I write about. Taylor is such a cultural monolith in much of the English-speaking world and outside of it that despite the episode now having to end with her biggest competitor, Drake, he still doesn’t even stain this week’s biggest story, and really, only news story in an industry less and less important, and further removed from the concept of monoculture outside of freak accident white women like Taylor or Barbie than ever. Regardless of my opinions on her output, I may have to respect and reflect her sheer capability to produce discourse, reaction and most importantly, for people to actually give a shit about analysing music.

Now if we’re talking opinions on her output… you can probably get more out of me from looking at my first impressions account of listening to the new Taylor Swift album on RateYourMusic in my 2024 listening log (the account name is exclusivelytopostown). Oh, yeah, if you somehow don’t know, Taylor Swift released an album called The Tortured Poets Anthology and then two hours later, reissued it with the subtitle The Anthology, and naturally, broke all kinds of Spotify records, got a billion streams in a week, what have you. I have less to say about these individual songs than I do about the album, so I’ll try to weave it in but the crux of my takeaway is that this album’s title naturally leads to polarising results and it’s no surprise that she has compelled and practically controlled pop music and celebrity discourse for the entire week… it’s also her worst album attached directly with my favourite piece of full-length work she’s ever released.

Whilst there are plenty of in-depth reasons to compare and contrast the two releases, from here on referred to as ‘sides’ even though I’m not actually sure how the physical releases for this one worked out, the primary reasons for my stark difference in opinion lie in two fundamental components, both of which are not night-and-day between the sides, but have such a detrimental effect on my enjoyment when the two factors are combined that it ends up just as effective.

For “Down Bad”, I’ll focus on the first, and perhaps most important, reason for my preference of The Anthology: lyrics. Do not get me wrong, the second side has its fair share of strange lines and choices, as with any Taylor album, especially in her current obsessive, wordy over-sharing era, and some of its most befuddling are present on this half, making it stand out even more because of the array of lyrical perspectives that are actually on display. The second side lives up to its name, it allows for further exploration of the narrative perspectives Taylor adopts, the subtler details of decidedly unsubtle songs. I’m not saying that Taylor isn’t writing from her own perspective on all 15 tracks - there are 31 in total, of course, thank the Heavens for arbitrary singles chart rules - because she’s absolutely making parallels to if not directly referencing known moments in her life and career. The approach is adventurous, the charm returns to her clumsiness that was my favourite part of Midnights, and there are moments that can be genuinely biting and, well, poetic.

The standard edition is, for lack of a more accurate term, cringe. Again, there are absolutely moments where that is the case for side B, and I’m not claiming there’s a void of good lines… but there kind of is, isn’t there? We will always gravitate to clunkers, but what I’m more bothered by is the deadpan delivery of these lyrics, that don’t feel very Taylor-esque at times yet don’t establish themselves as a separate perspective. This is exemplified in “Down Bad”, which could be written by anyone outside from some Swiftisms in the verses, which really sound more like derivatives of her prior work rather than a signature style at this point, and really, I don’t need to explain to you why Taylor Swift should not have wriitten a song called “Down Bad”. Musically, this album spends much of its time in dull adult contemporary lightened up by Jack Antonoff synth wank that fails to distinguish the record from what came before it, so when the lyrics don’t feel like Taylor outside of when they’re at their worst, most petulant and bratty, which she fails to consistently sell because of said musical backing, it becomes a slow exhaust of four minutes… this song should really not feel this long. Hopefully now, you’ll understand what I mean in how the two components are mediocre by themselves and fail to constitute a complete package. We’ll talk more about the sonics with…

#3 - “The Tortured Poets Department” - Taylor Swift

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift

Musically, the first side of this album feels uninspired, a retread of steps Taylor’s been tracing alongside Mr. Antonoff for years now, with its most unique textures reminiscent of 90s adult contemporary and soft rock… it could work as utter background music if that weren’t a complete misunderstanding of why Taylor Swift works as a singer, songwriter, musician and cultural presence: an imperfect mess that has achieved unbeatable status not through style or character but through ability to craft a narrative regarding herself and everyone involved, or in some cases, allow others to craft that story for her. Taylor, despite me not enjoying a large amount of her catalogue, admittedly never made it off of bad songs: those came after the good songs, and those bad songs - the “Shake it Off”s, “Bad Blood”s, “ME!”s - were risks, paying off not in acclaim or sometimes even notable chart success, but for developing and evolving the mythos. An unstoppable force - of fans, acclaim, criticism, ex-boyfriends, cultural osmosis and Kanye - has finally made her the immovable object, and it sure sounds like it on this first side of the album, especially compared to the organic, risk-taking and more ambitious, often minimal, instrumentation that Aaron Dessner brings to the second, alongside some work from Antonoff that feels more delicate and refined, unless Taylor really wants to bring the punch in because when she takes a swing, she does it with mesmerising grace. When she misses… the album just kind of sounds like twinkly soft-rock ass.

I’m sorry, this song is fundamentally fine, but it is lost both in its production, a meandering piano jog with no compositional drive, and in its lyrical conceit of megastar Taylor having an affair with some nerd from a band I’ve been a proud hater of for years - check the archives - and mirroring Drake’s inability to explain who the fuck Jason is in “Away from Home”. I know who Lucy and Jack are, do I want to? No, do I dig the farfetched historical comparisons? Kind of, it adds texture lyrically, but it’s also as tacky as saying Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist. He’s big enough. He’s fine. I don’t even think HE wants to be a bigger artist. If it’s sarcasm, then it feels mean and if it’s genuine… maybe you should start listening more closely to the art of your friends - if that’s still accurate here - and fellow musicians that you reference in your music. Maybe there’s something there you haven’t fully grasped in all your security as the biggest artist alive: the ability to truly fail. I’m not sure Lucy Dacus, or Charlie Puth, or even Matty Healy, could survive an album as polarising as this, but once again, that mythos, that fanbase, that tree branch connection to every record and radio executive in the damn Anglosphere and beyond, it’s a comfy king-size bed to sleep on. Is the poet really tortured when they can go through the Hell of showbiz and come back to that? I don’t know, but what I do know is that the song fades out instead of ending properly, you fucking cowards.

#1 - “Fortnight” - Taylor Swift featuring Post Malone

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift

Inevitably, it’s her fourth #1, his second, and it has a well-directed video to wrap it all up. Self-directed, too. There’s a relatively solid foundation of this being about her relationships with Joe Alwyn and you know who. I think there’s a fascinating dichotomy that can be made if you interpret the song in different ways: the breakdown of her relationship with Alwyn, or the closing of the distance between her and bitch-face. I think the wham line of “I love you, it’s ruining my life” develops on one of my favourite songs of Taylor’s, “You’re Losing Me”, even if it doesn’t reach the same heights - or realistically, lows - instead going for a typical Antonoff synth pastiche that frankly disappoints. I think Post Malone’s presence, whilst perhaps underused, is best fit to haunting backing vocals to establish that looming male presence, and he sounds great here. The song largely goes nowhere, planting seeds it refuses to grow, but that’s a problem with the production more than anything. Like “Anti-Hero”, it’s a strong-concept, nuanced lead single that I don’t like primarily because of reasons outside of her control, and I’m just glad to wrap it up in a simpler bow that I can compare to her previous album… because Lord knows that’s what the first side of the album really doesn’t want you to do. Seriously though, this is absolutely lethargic, I can assume this felt like the best way to represent emotional numbness but there are much more unique minimal textures and patterns on the back-half, this feels cheap. Perhaps a good lead single, but terrible opener in my opinion, it really set the tone in a frustrating way. Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso” is at #5, Hozier’s “Too Sweet” is at #2. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

So other things happened, more than I expected, actually and to be honest, the intention is to be relatively brief. You know what the notable dropouts are but I’ll say that I cover the UK Top 75 anyway and that they are songs exiting out of the region after five weeks or a peak in the top 40, so we bid adieu to “Supersonic” by Oasis, “so american” by Olivia Rodrigo, “Been Like This” by Meghan Trainor and T-Pain, “Never be Alone” by Becky Hill and Sonny Fodera, “Praise Jah in the Moonlight” by YG Marley with uncredited appearances from Ms. Lauryn Hill, “Houdini” by Dua Lipa, “Water” by Tyla, “Asking” by Sonny Fodera, MK and Clementine Douglas, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift and of course, rest in peace, “Lil Boo Thang” by Paul Russell, and welcome back to “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers. Camila Cabello’s “I LUV IT” featuring Playboi Carti is our other re-entry at #65 which is just funny if anything given this week.

As for our gains, there aren’t a ton, but a surprisingly fair few considering the amount of new entries, so I’ll note down the boosts for “Cry” by Benson Boone to #55, “FE!N” by Travis Scott featuring Playboi Carti at #53 - good week to be whatever species Carti is, I suppose - as well as “Never be Lonely” by Jax Jones and Zoe Wees at #50, “Never Lose Me” by Flo Milli at #49, “We Ain’t Here for Long” by Nathan Dawe at #47, “Back to Black” by the late Amy Winehouse at #43, “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan at #21, “Tell Ur Girlfriend” by Lay Bankz at #18 and finally, one I’m very happy to see, the scrunkly Shaboozey at #16 with “A Bar Song (Tipsy)”. I can see top five in this one’s future, but speaking of… oh, wait, we’ve already covered it. Seven new songs! Speed round!

New Entries

#69 - “Joga Bonito” - AJ Tracey

Produced by Remedee and Nyge

The bar for cover art is in Hell. That is a PlayStation 2 model of a flag-wearing Brazilian lady showing leg, and that is now a charting single. It’s no surprise to me that Tracey is hopping on Jersey club-influenced beats, particularly with the mellow, filtered R&B sample and incredibly mundane flexes, as whilst he’s always been fun, and occasionally latches onto excellent hooks, he’s ultimately tied very heavily to trends and guest features, and this just feels a bit… empty, without a real “hook” outside of, well, its hook. He’s chatting the girl up, he says that she would look sexy in his merch, and he has the incredible bar of “I like Japan, so do you”. It must be true love. Look, if I’m going to critique Taylor for lazy writing over empty production, I can’t really give this a free pass either, even if it has some vague energy - none of it feels palpable or driving. ‘tis a shame, I tend to like Tracey’s output more consistently than other UK rappers.

#67 - “Pedro” - Jaxomy, Agatino Romero and Raffaella Carrá

Produced by Jaxomy, Agatino Romero, Steffen Harning and Reinhard Raith

Okay, this one might need some explaining. Raffaela Carrá was, and still is, a beloved icon in Italian pop music, LGBT and women’s culture, and seemingly the entire country. I’m not familiar with her at all, but that’s purely my bad: she’s sold millions upon millions of copies internationally, and released a prolific amount of albums worldwide in multiple languages. A gay icon and self-proclaimed Communist, Carrá’s classic hit “Pedro” never made it to the UK charts from release in 1980 until now, long after her passing in 2021. Latin disco by an Italian Communist sounds like I’d adore it, and for the record, I do. The original song is infectious, silly and brimmed with bombast from its obnoxious horn section to percussion so incredibly layered, especially with the snaps and claps, that it feels almost claustrophobic. Whilst far from a bad singer, Carrá brings a childlike clumsiness to the song’s hooks that define the song’s infectious personality. As someone who’s been introduced to this song literally today, it kind of feels like it’s been here for all of my life and that I’ve heard it at like seven school discos. Sicilian DJ Agatino Romero joined forces with Berlin-based Jaxomy for a pretty faithful remix that may pick up the pace and replace its rhythm section with pounding hardcore kicks, but the horns remain, because how couldn’t they? In fact, they sound even more full of life when placed onto much less organic instrumentation, from being just one element of a cacophony to a disco ball shining in your direction whilst you’re on the worst, most pounding, migraine-inducing high in a rave. It doesn’t change the song structure or even its fundamental instrumental texture a ton, probably out of respect, but that one change to the song’s arguably most important component does a lot to flip it on its head and I can really appreciate how skillfully it’s done here. Rest in peace to Raffaella Carrá, and I really hope this ends up sticking around. It’s just too infectious.

#62 - “Starburster” - Fontaines D.C.

Produced by James Ford

This is Irish indie rock outfit Fontaines D.C. with their new single about accidentally eating the Starburst with the wrapper on. Jokes aside, this is a great song. I’m not particularly invested in Fontaines as I am for some other indie and alt-rock acts that pop up here and there on the charts, in fact, I’m not familiar with their work at all, but it doesn’t mean this can’t stand on its own as one of the leading single for their next record, which I might actually have to listen to if it’s in this vein. I was initially worried given the sprinkle of pianos over lo-fi strings and James Ford production that this would be a late-era Arctic Monkeys rip but as soon as the dejected drums came in alongside that droning lead vocal from frontman Grian Chatten, it became obvious that this would functioning in a hip hop structure through way of indie rock, with Chatten actually rapping, in full Irish accent and all, over the instrumental as if it were a collection of loops instead of a live band with some smoky if typical riffs to back him up. Lyrically, Chatten details several violent analogies that seem to coalesce into sexual desire, or at least some kind of euphoric rush, intended to be purely momentary and necessary, even if it intrudes on others, if there’s a moment of bliss to be found. It’s difficult not to see this as kinky, and I honestly get a lot of mileage out of that interpretation given how its bluntness isn’t relegated to the lyrics, before of course, the strings trickle in for an ethereal bridge about swallowing and following, and Chatten asking for someone to “hit [him] for the day”, before returning to the gnarly mantra of the hook with a sly chuckle. Come on, it’s a sex jam. A weird one, for sure, one wrapped in grotesque metaphor, but I dig this on the smoky, grimed-out level it presents itself as, and maybe I’ll have to listen to whatever comes of this upcoming project.

#58 - “Gata Only” - FloyyMenor and Cris Mj

Produced by Big Cyyu

It’s rare to see Chileans chart anywhere outside of Latin America, let alone the UK, so I do want to give this some more of a chance, especially since the synth-led production at the start is a nice, promising ambiance… that gets immediately washed out by some of the shrillest synths and cheapest reggaeton percussion I’be heard in the genre. I’m not intimately familiar with the scene but I’ve heard plenty with more character, and even reggaeton that’s relaxing and ethereal. That could have been the play for these two auto-crooners, if it wasn’t for… THAT sound they keep repeating. Translating the lyrics, though of course this can lead to miscommunication, we get little of substance to chew on either. The most mush-mouthed appearance here is from Cris Mj, who was criticised by his own fans for his overly-reverbed, robotic performance before other fans convinced him that it was cool, actually, preventing him from deleting the song or at least removing himself from it as promised. I guess it turned out well as this is both acts’ biggest worldwide hit - it’s a massive deal to get a reggaeton song of all genres to cross over to little ol’ England - but if it weren’t for its inexplicable viral success, maybe he had the right idea initially in staying humble and listening to feedback. This is rote and droll in the worst kind of way because it’s in a genre that can be so exciting and weird… yet that stuff wouldn’t dare chart over here so we have these guys. I’m sure they’re nice, talented guys, but this is not compelling in any way. I can weirdly see it growing on me through some kind of subliminal hypnosis… but I don’t see myself revisiting it enough for the brainwashing to have its effect quite yet.

#41 - “Malicious Intentions” - Pozer

Produced by RA Beats

…really? Pozer? Of all possible guys in UK rap to give a second hit, it’s Pozer? The “Kitchen Stove” guy had that much potential? Whilst I have nothing against the guy, and “Kitchen Stove” is completely fine, it’s a viral breakout hit which finds its main appeal in a novel ambient sample flip taking advantage of the Jersey club wave. He does not feel built for another #41 peak, let alone however long this ends up lasting afterwards. Ironically enough, Pozer himself was the most out of place element of that song, and he seems to have understood that. Does that mean he’s changed his flow and delivery to fit a more chill and atmospheric tone? No, not at all. He’s ditched the ambient sample, replacing it with a wave of synth strings that sound pretty triumphant and play off pretty well against incredibly bass-heavy and driven Jersey rhythms less bothered with fancy percussion additions, and more with the sheer intensity of the 808s, slowly and gradually developing into a more traditional drill beat through the eventual addition of enough additional drums, it’s a really cool idea for an instrumental, especially when it reverts to pure numbing intensity for the chorus, and serves well for what Pozer is going for: an incredibly consistent flow delivered much livelier and with a significantly bouncier, funnier grit than before, and bars that really aren’t bad. Pozer also adapts very seamlessly to the changing rhythm of the beat, and his more introspective moments stick out as perhaps surface-level but particularly potent when delivered with the same restlessness as any other bar. Unrelenting feels like a good way to describe the song, always punching and punching a bit beyond its weight and getting reversed back - and that’s the rhythm. Whilst it’s not reinventing the wheel, this is genuinely pretty infectious and difficult to not get excited to, in spite of - or because of - Pozer’s acquired delivery that takes a while to get used to but shares its realm more fairly than you’d think with such great production and a rapper I didn’t think much of until today. Well done, man, this is an unsettling piece of production that is transformed by the confidence of the rapper on it, and for that, I really dig it.

#33 - “Cry No More” - Headie One featuring Stormzy and Tay Keith

Produced by Tay Keith, Pooh Beatz and Tommy Parker

Speaking of promising UK rap, here we have Headie One with yet another single from an upcoming project titled The Last One. Whether this is a full retirement, we can never tell with rappers. But would this be a strong farewell verse? Well, yeah, it’s impeccable for Headie, it feels like a perfect example of what he does well: a cold staccato verse that runs like a train, punctuated by dejected ad-libs and delivery and paranoid, detached bars revolving around gang violence over tight drill percussion and some of the best mixes I’ve heard for a drill beat: it all sounds crisp to me, especially that warping bass. The sample may not be the most interesting melody to go for over this beat, but its sing-songy tone reassures its ability to be both eerie and anthemic, alongside the incredibly clever implementation of Asake’s “Lonely at the Top” - which peaked at #90, though weirdly I did review this one - in Stormzy’s verse. How it doesn’t feel tacky is beyond me, it feels like a genuine shout-out that matches the tone of the song perfectly and leads into the flex in a subtler way than he probably would have done without it. Notably, Stormzy goes for a similar flow to Headie but kind of shelves him in the wordplay and rhyme scheme departments, even if neither are too lyrical here, mostly showcasing a clash between the images they have to maintain and the real people behind them, though some of that may be unintentional given all the flexing that surrounds it, especially in Stormzy’s verse where they’re so well-intertwined. I was expecting to like this, but came back with even more to chew on than I thought I would, so I’m glad that, even if only for that big debut week and a few more, it can land on the chart, this is great stuff. Hyped for whatever forms out of this and “Marvin’s Sofa”, honestly two of Headie’s best singles leading up to this forthcoming record so expectations are high.

#14 - “Push Ups” - Drake

Produced by Boi-1da, Tay Keith, Preme, Fierce, Dramakid and Noel Cadastre

I’m not Kendrick Lamar so who cares what I think about a Drake diss? Genuinely, what purpose would it be for me to sit down and analyse bars that have been thoroughly annotated on Genius already, discussed and taken apart by hip hop podcasters and influencers, if not other rappers, and in some cases, went completely viral? There’s a mix of corny and clever bars here, mostly in the latter which is impressive for late-era Drake, and I hate to say he has some points regarding what seems to be a convenient, preplanned attack on Drake that just confirms his suspicion and contributes to his own narrative. The beat is hard, the mix is rough but it’s a diss track so that is the least of anyone’s concerns. I assume the abrupt beat switch, after a DJ Akademiks meme inserts itself into the song like the leech he is, is a demonstration of Drake having more bars to come, but given there’s only one real punchline in that section, it feels like a long build-up to nothing and a strange decision to include overall as an epilogue. Otherwise, it’s a fun, venomous track with some of Drake’s most well-thought-out and honestly, well-delivered bars in years. It’s crunchy, it’s to the point, and I’m excited for what Kung-Fu Kenny has to say in response.

Conclusion

He’s not getting Best of the Week though. A cool diss doesn’t always equate to a memorable or replayable song, and for me, I think Pozer of all people has the most infectious here, colour me surprised, with the evil-sounding “Malicious Intentions”, but I’ll tie him with the more joyful “Pedro” by Jaxony, Agatino Romero and the late Raffaella Carrá for a more balanced Best of the Week. Hell, there’s enough good stuff here to tie the Honourable Mention up two between Headie One, Stormzy and Tay Keith for “Cry No More” and “Starburster” by Fontaines D.C. As for the worst, it should unsurprisingly fall out quite easily: Taylor Swift has Worst of the Week for “Down Bad”, with the Dishonourable Mention going to “Gata Only” by FloyyMenor and Cris Mj. For what’s on the horizon, I mean, hopefully more good to look forward to but knowing my luck… I don’t know, Bladee? For now, thank you for reading, rest in peace to Mike Pinder, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #post malone #drake #push ups #headie one #stormzy #tay keith #raffaella carrà #agatino romero #jaxomy #fontaines d.c.#floyymenor #cris mj #pozer #aj tracey

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deadcactuswalking · 8 days

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 20/04/2024 (Sabrina Carpenter, Dua Lipa, Perrie Edwards)

Hozier sticks to a second week at #1 on the UK Singles Chart with “Too Sweet” and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we actually have a bit of a massacre so we must bid adieu to: “7 Minute Drill” by J. Cole (that one we literally say farewell to, it’s been deleted), “Cinderella” by Future and Metro Boomin featuring Travis Scott, “Make You Mine” by Madison Beer, “CARNIVAL” by Hitler and Goebbels featuring Rich the Kid and Playboi Carti, “Made for Me” by Muni Long, “bye” and “yes, and?” by Ariana Grande, “Would You (go to bed with me?)” by Campbell and Alcemist, assisted by a remix with Caity Baser, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong, yes, really, “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift and finally, even though we all know it’ll be back, “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers.

It actually turns out that the most interesting stories here outside of the top 10 and new tracks… are the returning entries, because there are quite a few, they’re quite high and also quite - at least tangentially - related to a cultural event. Firstly, we have the release of a biopic revolving around the late singer Amy Winehouse who has captivated audiences long after death and the recent release of Back to Black, as well as its soundtrack, mostly a compilation of Winehouse’s songs and her influences, has propelled the studio album of the same name to #22 on the album chart whilst giving some of her legacy catalogue a solid boost. The song of the same name, “Back to Black”, had several initial runs from 2007 to 2008, peaking at “only” #25, but returned with stride after her passing to find a new peak of #8 in 2011. At #1 that week was “She Makes Me Wanna” by JLS featuring Dev. The charts don’t always reflect what music actually stands the test of time, let’s just say that. Today, it’s at #51. An even more storied chart run comes in at #44 with “Valerie” by Mark Ronson featuring Amy Winehouse. Ronson’s version largely eclipsed the original Zutons version released the year before. The Liverpool indie rock outfit peaked at #9 with their version, whilst Nelly Furtado’s “Maneater” topped the charts, but by the time Ronson and Winehouse came along, the chart was instead reigned by Sugababes with “About You Now”, which halted “Valerie” from hitting #1. Similarly to “Back to Black”, it did return to the chart after her passing though not very high, so I assume that it must have some degree of prominence in the biopic, I’ve yet to see it.

As for our two other re-entries, they somehow have even more chart history dragged into them, so bear with me. Paul Simon wrote “The Sound of Silence” and recorded the track as a member of Simon & Garfunkel in 1964, and despite this being the most prominent and successful version, hitting #1 Stateside, it somehow never once appeared on the UK Singles Chart in any form until long after, specifically in 1966 when an Irish pop group The Bachelors covered it, basically taking any steam off of the original by peaking at #3. The Spencer Davis Group’s “Somebody Help Me” was #1 at the time. It wouldn’t appear on the charts again until damn near half a century later in 2012, when viral acoustic singer Kina Grannis took it to #93. However, and I really wish I couldn’t say this, the most successful cover may be from nu metal band Disturbed, who reached mainstream success worldwide by covering the track in 2016, by then it had been thoroughly memed to death as well as being a long-term pop staple, yet it still worked. Their mediocre version peaked at #29 and now it’s back at #47 because of an inexplicable, practically unlistenable house remix by Australian DJ CYRIL that Paul Simon could probably sue for murder. I didn’t like the Disturbed version, but this is a new level of groanworthy.

As for our final re-entry, we should look towards the album charts, wherein Oasis’ 1994 debut Definitely Maybe is actually down a full positions, lower than other Oasis albums. The irony in that is that it’s the iconic Britpop band’s 20th anniversary this past week, with them releasing special physical editions of their debut single “Supersonic” to mark the occasion. It never really peaked that high to begin with, only at #31, but it did stick around and return for several runs for basically most of the 1990s, only to return once again this week as our highest re-entry at #42.

The gains are a lot less interesting but there are still a handful of notable boosts, namely “Jump” by Tyla, Gunna and Skillibeng up to #38, “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan at #33, “I Don’t Wanna Wait” by David Guetta and OneRepublic at #25 (Jesus Christ), and finally, “Hell n Back” by Bakar nearing its old peak at #21.

This week, our top five on the UK Singles Chart consists of: “TEXAS HOLD ‘EM” by Beyoncé holding at #5, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims floating at #4, “i like the way you kiss me” by Artemas smooching its way up to #3, Benjamin of Boontown is at #2 with “Beautiful Things” and of course, Hozier still at #1. Now, there’s actually quite a lot to discuss in our new entries, despite the fact that Taylor is still a week away yet, in fact this might end up the more interesting week because no-one is dropping the same day as her. So let’s review them, shall we?

New Entries

#49 - “We Still Don’t Trust You” - Future and Metro Boomin featuring The Weeknd

Produced by Metro Boomin, Peter Lee Johnson and MIKE DEAN

Yup, all of our new entries are within the top 50 this week, and most of them well into the highest reaches of the chart. Given Taylor only has three songs coming next week, I’m pretty excited for a from-the-top shake-up that won’t be immediately torn down… at least until the temporary Eurovision blockade, but we’ll deal with that when it comes to it. For now, I had only heard one of the songs debuting this week before today, and it was this one, the intro and title track to the second of the Future-Metro collaboration tapes, which debuted at #11 on the albums chart this week. Not every track hits on this second album, but if you remember what I thought about the first album, you’d recall I preferred the hazier, more melodically-focused pop-trap that was prevalent through the middle section, and this new record is essentially an extended version of just that with a triumphant victory lap full of bangers on the back-half bonus disc to balance things out. Future is a lot more emotive, Metro is delivering beautiful cloudy soundscapes, and the hooks are catchier than ever, though it’s not nearly as immediate so I understand that it performed less successfully even if it is a damn shame. It also means we only have the first track here, which is barely even a song ultimately, more so an extended, hallucinatory introduction blending punchy synthpop drums with garbled psuedo-hooks about freaky girls from Future, a looming falsetto from The Weeknd over a borderline nu-disco groove and semi-verses that don’t really form into a complete song. In the album context, this is a brilliant introduction to where the album will take you: a late-night drive taking your mind off “the hoes” so to speak. As a charting single by itself, it’s honestly just weird. Other than being the intro to an album most people I imagine didn’t finish all the way through, I don’t understand why “All to Myself” didn’t take this one’s place. I guess it didn’t have the video treatment but regardless, weird single to push, even if it’s a great moment.

#46 - “KiKi (What Would Drizzy Say?)” - D-Block Europe

Produced by Eight8, Harry Beech and Ari Beats

Well, Drake’s in the news thanks to all the dissing back and forth so being the young brilliant entrepreneurs they are, DBE pushed out a song with him in the title, in a vague reference to Drake’s own “What Would Pluto Do” but a much less vague, openly cheap interpolation of Drake’s “In My Feelings”, and the chart history did not stop with our re-entries as if there’s a coherent theme with some of these new tracks, it’s egregious referencing. “In My Feelings” samples a plethora of tracks in the first place, but none as explicitly as DBE have riffed from it here. The original spent four weeks at #1, but I don’t see Young Adz’s nasal auto-croon rendition getting any higher than #46. I actually feel kind of relieved with this because this is back to the stupid, barely functioning DBE of old (and by old, I mean the late 2010s), with a terrible bass mastering job, overly loud flutes that nearly drown out Adz himself attempting to sing his way out of his lack of content, in the same melody as Drake’s chorus until he just starts talking instead midway through. Some of the 2020s improvements are actually present here though; Youthful Advertisements has much tighter rhyme schemes once he actually starts rapping, and they aren’t as audibly out of tune or beat with everything else as they probably would be if they tried this out when the original was big. He also puts a shell in his back like he’s a turtle, tells the girl to close her mouth and leads into Dirtbike Lb’s small contribution, a brief, half-dead and wordy verse that still washes Adz: this is what I’ve come to expect from the duo. There’s not much of an attempt at wordplay but cool turns of phrase that kind of imply he thinks Hermés is the name of the crocodile they killed to make the bag and not just the brand name… they’re good enough. This is good fun.

#41 - “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” - Shaboozey

Produced by Nevin and Sean Cook

Okay, if we’re going to sample egregiously, this is how we do it: not trying to play it off as a completely new song but not serving in the exact same lane and purpose as the original. Instead, let’s make unabashed re-recordings and reimaginings that don’t necessarily modernise or improve the song, and don’t set out to, instead crafting a different experience from the same fundamentals. Now I don’t like the original 2004 track “Tipsy” by J-Kwon mostly because of, well, J-Kwon being useless, but there’s a great hook to it, especially the radio edit, and the beat making up nearly entirely of weird sound effects over a distorted clap sample is pretty clever. The original “Tipsy” peaked at #4 for two weeks, whilst “Lola’s Theme” by the Shapeshifters was #1, and later The Streets’ “Dry Your Eyes”. Shaboozey, a singer featured on Beyoncé’s latest pivot, has taken advantage of that extra traction to completely reimagine the chorus of “Tipsy” and its general conceit of having fun at a gathering to take your mind off problems, especially with girls… but there’s a lot of depth added through the extra populist twist thanks to the financial troubles referenced in the verses, and some particularly really smart intricacies like turning the counting gimmick into counting the rounds of drinks at the bar. He recontextualises a basically meaningless gimmick into something that is a lot more resonant, and that’s really special. Sonically, it feels like a bit more organic stomp-clap soarer, and isn’t really all that special, but the inspired interpolation of “Tipsy”, alongside some great strings in the post-chorus, makes this what it is, and it doesn’t run out of tricks. The shift to a rap flow in the second verse to continue the momentum is brilliant, the spoken backing vocals amidst the multi-tracked crowd hook, which I almost wish was even louder, is a fun idea… and that’s before that final chorus where it breaks down and becomes a true drink-a-long. Sure, this may be a reimagined version of a song I don’t like really at all, but it goes far beyond just that and creates a new experience not just as a cover but as a separate entity entirely that embraces and benefits from its referencing. This is how you do sampling in pop, it’s excellent. I hope this is a smash.

#35 - “These Words” - Badger and Natasha Bedingfield

Produced by Badger

Alright, once again, we have a sample, this time with Natasha Bedingfield’s “These Words”, that other song you might remember from the album that parents “Unwritten”. What you may not remember is that whilst this hasn’t had nearly as much longevity as the title track, it actually peaked much higher, debuting at #1 and topping the charts for two weeks in 2004. This is in spite of it being complete garbage. I like meta narratives in pop music when done well and outside of its camp, it can be genuinely difficult to get through the jerky, dated production and somewhat embarrassing performance, especially lyrically, from Bedingfield. I understand the appeal, and the writing isn’t really a deal-breaker usually, but it’s especially striking to me when the actual music behind her quest to find the best words for her love song… just plainly sucks. Come 2024 and enter UK garage producer Badger, who remixes the track, crediting Bedingfield on streaming but for whatever reason not on the Official Charts page, and I have to say, completely stripping this catchy hook outside of its tedious context is another inspired reimagining, mostly because it turns the “I love you, I love you” refrain into a muffled, glitchy funfest over some of the most detailed, hyperactive 2-step drums I’ve heard on the charts in a while, alongside a hazier synthscape that really shines against the rawer vocal from Bedingfield. Once again, modern artists turn a song from the 2000s I never really liked into a completely different experience, in this case completely removing you from Bedingfield’s narrative to fully envelop you in the euphoric end goal she hints towards in the original. Hope this takes off too.

#31 - “Tell Ur Girlfriend” - Lay Bankz

Produced by Johnny Goldstein

Speaking of taking off, it seems we finally have the inevitable breakout single for Lay Bankz. I’ve been paying attention to her casual flexing and dismissal of pretty much anything else over firy, fast-paced Philly club bangers for a while now, probably since I discovered “Na Na Na”, and it did seem like TikTok would grant her an easy hit any moment now. She finally got it with “Tell Ur Girlfriend” and here, if you don’t remember the specific production elements of its original material, you might not recognise this has yet another interpolation. I wasn’t a fan of Ginuwine’s 1996 track “Pony” for a long time because I felt its dissonance harmed its ability to be a sex jam but… let’s be real, rarely do sex jams actually succeed without being in some way disruptive due to awkward lyrics or stagnant beats. Once I learned to shut up and appreciate Timbaland’s vocoder burping that calls itself a bassline, all was right in my world. It peaked at #16 over here in 1997 and did have a shelf life extending to an EDM remix peaking at #39 in 2015. Bankz and Goldstein don’t really make much use of “Pony”’s fundamentals rhythm or melody-wise, outside of that out of place vocoder burp that is repurposed as a measure-demarcating stab over a comically jerky, sing-songy synth that slows down the pace enough for a 2-step-influenced 2000s throwback, Destiny’s Child-esque, not to rap but closer to R&B. Bankz surprises me to a degree with just how effortlessly she swaps between faster jabs to the smooth choruses, and it almost makes me forget that this is a song about mutual cheating. Does it justify that? No. And who cares? They’re having toxic fun over the Ginuwine “Pony” vocal burp and some of the ugliest synths to hit the top 40 in years, this is not morally righteous in any regard. It’s just pure, sweaty, regretful fun and does not waste any of its two-minute runtime trying to justify itself, and given this whole song is a sarcastic power move about how they should probably tell their partners they’re sleeping with each other, I don’t think she cares in the slightest.

#10 - “Forget About Us” - Perrie

Produced by Steve Solomon and Andrew Goldstein

Okay, the samplefest ended up going pretty fantastically, so I have some hopes for the trio of pop girlies we have lined up all debuting in the top 10, starting with the solo debut from Perrie Edwards of the former girl group Little Mix. She’s always been one of the most prominent vocal talents in the group, so regardless of if the song actually works, there’s going to be power here, and that’s guaranteed, even with an Ed Sheeran writing credit and a compressed to Hell and back mix. In this soarer, Perrie’s ex has become a successful singer after the breakup and Perrie is begging for them to never forget about what they lost in the relationship, especially given how neither seem all that over this relationship and its fallout. There’s a propelling pop rock drive to this, even if the lack of electric grit may harm it a tad, not letting it get into truly bitter territory… which might actually be for the best. Ms. Edwards sounds great belting here but there is a level of restraint in all the acoustic swell that might sing closer to the desperate content, acknowledging the flaws in the relationship and that it is over, but that it should, please, stick to them as a memory. A less kind approach may have flattened its overall sincerity, so even if sonically, I’m not over the Moon about this, I can recognise that this is a tightly-written, excellently performed little pop rock jam that will serve as a good introduction to the solo career. I just want to hear where it goes next.

#9 - “Illusion” - Dua Lipa

Produced by Kevin Parker and Danny L Harle

Okay, Dua, let’s be straightforward. Mixing PC Music’s wildcard Danny L Harle with Tame Impala should lead to much more interesting music than what we’ve heard from Radical Optimism - a disgraceful album title - so far, and I won’t lie and say what has been put out post-”Houdini” hasn’t been somewhat disappointing. I was hoping that “Illusion” could take a bit of a different step, tap into some less recognisable territory for Dua, and whilst it may not have done that exactly, it’s definitely much more interesting. Harle and Parker go for a much tighter house groove here, with elevated pianos, chips of percussion that end up much more minimal under the looming vocal loops and progressive electronic synth beeping, maybe much less impactful than you’d expect. So where’s that in the content? Well, Dua sings about disappointment, playing off a façade placed up by this guy who’s just not impressing her at all, as she’s growing up from just being reckless with her lovers. It’s in the same vein as “Training Season” but with a more unique and honestly more fitting soundscape for that kind of romantic disillusionment, especially given a major conceit of the bridge is that she’s still going to dance all night with that illusion, she still gives in despite her best interests. It also has a ridiculous synth solo slabbed right in for no reason. Genius. Inspiring.

#6 - “Espresso” - Sabrina Carpenter

Produced by Julian Bunetta

I really have not been going into Sabrina Carpenter singles that chart with high expectations or really any expectation that I’ll enjoy it, and she keeps proving me wrong, but not in the way that say Dua just did. No, Ms. Carpenter shares more in common with D-Block Europe in that the appeal, at least for me, comes in the lack of subtlety and disregard for functioning outside of existing pop tropes, whilst still thoroughly embarrassing her public image, cycling around enough for me to be unironically on board. Like “Nonsense” was a plain rip-off that ended up surviving beyond the genuine article on comedy alone, and “Feather” is as light as possible, no pun intended, yet still pinches at you with its infestation of hooks, “Espresso” is emphatically stupid. “Switch it up like Nintendo”? “My give-a-fucks are on vacation”? “I know I Mountain Dew it for ya”? “MOUNTAIN DEW IT FOR YA”? It reminds me all too much of Selena Gomez’s nu-disco embarrassment “Love On”, but instead of selling the cringe with sheer forcefulness, which did surprisingly work for the incredibly limited vocalist Selena is, Sabrina plays the guitar licks and downright invasive pre-chorus synths off with utter, robotic dismissal. Sure, there’s vocal riffing and harmonising, but the main vocal line in the chorus is a multi-tracked, reverb-drenched, Melodyne-controlled nursery rhyme, and it doesn’t escape that lane for nearly all of its three minutes. There are spoken word interludes where she acknowledges the stupidity of the song and its content, but it’s always breezy and lacking in the cringe that would come with it if she cared much at all. The deadpan “Yes” ad-libs in the pre-chorus, and the detail put into the production, are what really sell this to me though. It’s orchestrated to make it seem like she doesn’t care, but there is an entire team twisting the knobs to turn that faux carelessness to a seamless radio edit… and well, they need a raise. She’s done it again. This is ridiculous.

Conclusion

She doesn’t get the Best of the Week though because that, far and above, goes to Shaboozey for “A Bar Song (Tipsy)”, and the Honourable Mention… well, I can’t give out a Worst of the Week at all here. Or even a Dishonourable Mention. Sure, Perrie’s song is a bit generic and maybe my enjoyment of the DBE track is purely for the comedy factor, but I still thoroughly enjoyed my time with them, so I’m just going to tie the Honourable Mention between “These Words” by Badger and well, “Espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter, which is shaping up to thankfully be huge. As for what’s on the horizon… Taylor Swift and Drake. It’s back to the big leagues in the next episode but for now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #future #metro boomin #the weeknd #sabrina carpenter #dua lipa #natasha bedingfield #badger #shaboozey #perrie edwards #lay bankz #d-block europe

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