Can we talk about the car scene between Aziraphale and Shax for a second? It's so similar in nature to the Crowley and Nina 'oh' scene. Yes, we have the sassy brow raise from Aziraphale at being told he isn't Crowley's type, but it's more than that. Shax continues to push that button for Aziraphale. She says about hearing that he and Crowley were an item years ago, and the fear in Aziraphale's eyes in that moment is palpable. He thought that they'd made a clean get away when he used sleight of hand on the photo, but they didn't. It's after she tells him that too that he essentially starts to play too dumb because he's flustered. "Nor where this angel Gabriel, who I've never heard of might be," he says before ultimately walking right into Shax's trap and confirming that Gabriel is at the bookshop.
Crowley realizes with Nina that they've been being too obvious, but Nina also isn't a Heavenly or Demonic agent, so he doesn't see the danger in potentially being honest. However, Aziraphale is directly confronted by Hell, so he knows that they aren't safe. It's probably one of the reasons why he doesn't actually tell Crowley about the exchange.
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The best thing you could do right now is find a book or youtube lecture from a reoutable university on world religions. Get a primer down, and then find something similar for the area itself. Don't listen to anyone's take from social media, any social media. You got this. It'll take some time and focus, but it's perfectly doable if you really want a basic understanding of how religion affects the world and its policies.
I mean I have read and watched a whole lot of world religion 101, but that usually just covers things like holidays, spiritual practices, and how to be respectful in a worship space. It rarely if ever actually covers the way these religions influence policy and world politics, which is what I'm interested in. That is a much more 200 and 300 level topic, and it's significantly less accessible as a result (especially considering that I have a learning disability that limits what sources I can reasonably utilize).
And finding enough sources on that topic to actually get a well rounded perspective with limited bias is an even bigger challenge. Like I am very much open to learning about different religious practices even if I don't always understand them, but I'm not sure 101 books will cut it.
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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I love you angry characters I love you revenge arcs I love you protagonists who kill people and don’t feel bad about it I love you manipulative heroes I love you gray morals I love you terrifying protagonists I love you characters who hold boiling grudges I love you characters who reveal that their perceived harmlessness was just patience the whole time I love you stories about atonement and rage and vengeance that don’t end in forgiveness or guilt I love you stories that explore the healing power of incandescent rage
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