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stuckinapril · 8 months

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how do you fall in love with yourself

unlearn the idea that confidence is conceit. i see this belief imposed on women especially, that if they’re very unapologetic about loving themselves it automatically means they’re narcissistic / think they’re better than everybody else. that’s not true at all. you can love yourself while also acknowledging you’re not inherently better than anyone else. you can love yourself while also being kind & supportive to others. it’s okay to be both of these things at once.

let go of the scarcity mindset. women (everyone really, but especially women) get pitted/compared against each other all the time. you see it w female celebrities in the media, but it’s very prevalent in real life as well. this is very much years of societal conditioning & both women & men partake in this behavior. ignore it. rest easy knowing that there can be multiple beautiful women, multiple smart women, multiple funny women in any environment at any given time. there is enough clout to go around; you don’t need to feel like if there’s another pretty/smart girl it means you no longer have the space to also be a pretty/smart girl. instead operate from an abundance mindset: always (alwaysss) be happy for other girls when they succeed, when they’re praised, when they’re loved, whatever. see them not as competition but as inspiration. envy is such a colossal waste of time bc nobody else’s accomplishments have any bearing on your own!!

get to know yourself more. i love the analogy of dating yourself bc it’s true. i went through a rough period of being around my ex 24/7 to the point i didn’t even know myself, and then i spent the post-breakup year hanging around everyone else constantly to numb my thoughts. now i’m spending more time alone than ever & i’m getting to know myself so much. learning about my taste in fashion, music, everything. and i’ve had so much more time to invest in hobbies & skills, which is very instrumental to building healthy self-esteem. ofc there’s a more balanced way to do this, but make sure you’re not running away from yourself!

what do you like outside of everybody’s opinion? don’t interpret this the wrong way—it’s completely fine to be inspired. every single person you know has copied someone else to an extent. but if you find yourself going too far, not trusting yourself to make the simplest decisions, just following trends blindly and nothing else, you’ve left the inspiration territory and started crossing into plagiarism. move from a place of self-direction and really think about what is naturally appealing to you. it doesn’t matter if it’s not popular or nobody else likes it. if you like it & if it makes you happy, that’s all you need.

practice self-love! i had to do this lol but it works wonders. i started intentionally telling myself that i trust my own taste, that i trust my own choices, that if i think something’s cool it’s good enough, talking to myself kindly etc etc. eventually all this stuff will become natural to you & you won’t find yourself having to expend so much energy into simply loving you for you. don’t give up even if it’s hard to believe at times.

don’t give a fuck. seriously. just don’t give a single flying fuck what someone else has to say. there will always be That One Person who tries to tear you down, belittles you, gaslights you etc etc and if you know in your heart you’re not doing anything wrong, just ignore and keep it pushing. you can’t be everyone’s favorite person (nor should you want to be). think of your favorite celebrity. anyone ever. they probably all got subjected to hate. now think of how they’re successful still & how it didn’t take anything away from them. there you go <3

if literally everyone on this planet starts hating you, loving yourself is still the antidote. to clarify, how others perceive us does hold weight. but if legit every single person i know started hating me, and i still loved myself, i’d probably still live a full life bc my perception is all that really matters in the end. i don’t need anyone else to be my #1 fan—i can do that myself just fine. it technically is actually your world & everyone else is just living in it. so enjoy that! stop giving a hard time to the one person who will always be w you through thick and thin (yourself). eat good food & watch good shows & read good books & just have fun. i love u

#i have a lot to say ab this bc i went from being in a very low place to now being my own favorite girl in the world so #also i refer to women a couple of times here but really this is applicable to everyone!!#ask

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jesncin · 5 months

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The Potential of Asian Lois Lane. Pt 1: Girl Taking Over and American Alien, a comparative analysis

Lois Lane has had many iterations over the years. But specifically in the last decade, Lois has been reimagined as an Asian American woman in both the comics and recently in the animated show My Adventures with Superman.

I believe making Lois Asian is a very inspired choice for the Superman mythos! I would like to take a moment to analyze these versions of Lois from an Asian perspective, seeing what works, what doesn't, and what I'd like to see more of. We'll start with the comics first, as MAWS is going to need its own post.

Usual disclaimers: I'm just one Asian perspective, I do not and never will claim to cover every Asian person's opinion on a thing ever. We're not a monolith, we come from a variety of backgrounds and experiences. I'm simply a fan who enjoys media analysis and believes it's valuable to have my perspective in this topic. Secondly, this discussion covers the comic run American Alien, which is written by Max Landis. He's an ultra creep and while I think the comic is worth a read for what it is, I leave it up to you whether you'd like to buy the comic. You can always arg-arg-ahoy otherwise.

I'd like to start with Girl Taking Over: A Lois Lane Story written by Sarah Kuhn with art by Arielle Jovellanos. This is a self contained YA graphic novel about a young Japanese American Lois dealing with the ups and downs of breaking into journalism as a career in National City. When her dream internship at Catco gets a corporate take over, Lois seizes an opportunity to write an exposé on a shady art director. But when her story is turned down, Lois does some out of the box things to get the story of marginalized performers shared with the world.

Girl Taking Over is a fantastic story and I happily recommend it to anyone looking for how an Asian American Lois could be reimagined (with fabulous art by Arielle! The fashion especially is on-point). This story isn't just a diverse coat of paint on a Lois Lane story, being Asian informs Lois' experiences and choices. Both she and her frenemy roommate Miki, are ambitious Asian women yet have hidden insecurities where they still made themselves small to their respective white male bosses. They played into model minority in different ways, and it's only by working together that they're able to foster a community for their stories to be told.

Lois and Miki don't just "have a diverse friend group", that friend group is actively being taken advantage of and suppressed by white gatekeepers. By extension, Lois' friends from work find solidarity in each other. Lois looks up to Cat Grant, a Filipina-American journalist, because seeing Cat succeed made Lois feel like her dream as a journalist is possible. I love how Lois' mom (a character so rarely expanded on in DC canon) acts as a voice of comfort for Lois in the story. All these characters feel holistic and whole, going through their own unique struggles.

It's clear from interviews with both the writer and artist that they care for the history of Lois, and saw an opportunity to reimagine her in a way that aligns with her character but also revitalizes her for new readers of color who aren't used to seeing themselves reflected in media. It's taking Lois' ambition and fearlessness and channeling them into the need to be a model minority, and the insecurities that can come from the desire to succeed constantly. It's taking a character historically frustrated by sexism and disrespected by her male peers- including Clark Kent (who got better treatment than her as a man), and expanding her to be a Lois that has to deal with both sexism and racism in the workplace. It's humanizing Lois' excellence into something painfully specific and relatable for many Asian women.

The only thing I feel I want from this version of Lois is... honestly more of her! I want to see what Japanese Lois does when she moves to Metropolis and works at the Daily Planet. I want to see how her experiences in National City informs her adulthood. Girl Taking Over sets up an incredible groundwork for stories to be told in the Superman mythos. How would Lois react to Superman, a fellow immigrant? Would Superman see himself in Lois? Since she's someone who, in the American context, is perceived as the perpetual foreigner? What would their relationship be like? Out of all the Asian Lois' in media we have so far, this Asian Lois' story has the most rich potential in my opinion.

Up next, we have American Alien written by Max Landis. This 7 issue series swaps artists for each issue, as a means of reflecting different milestones in Clark's life. I will be focusing on issues #4, 5, and 7 since those have the most prominent Lois appearances. With that, I'd like to celebrate the artists for those issues: Jae Lee (issue 4), Francis Manapul (issue 5), and Jock (issue 7). All these artists did a fantastic job, their art styles are energetic and fun to look at. Lee and Manapul are both Asian artists (Korean and Filipino respectively) and I love how they draw Lois- who looks undeniably Asian in their art styles.

American Alien is a modern take on the Superman tale. It expands Clark's story to be connected to Batman, Green Lanterns, Green Arrow, and more. We see Clark grow from his days in Smallville to a city boy in Metropolis, coming into his own as Superman. It's a bold and pretty divisive take with some standout story moments. From what I know, this is likely the first time Lois has been reimagined as Asian- and continues to influence Superman media like MAWS (the producer specifically calls out this comic as inspiration).

In issue #4, Clark moves in to his Metropolis apartment and talks on the phone to his mom about "some bigshot guy named Louis Lane". The reader, likely familiar with the Superman mythos, knows Clark is coming in with biases and a preconceived notion of who he considers a promising student reporter. Once we meet Lois Lane however, the comic turns the reader's expectations on their head:

Lois Lane is an Asian American woman (it's not specified what her exact ethnicity is)! This is a fun moment where the comic metatextually challenged the reader's own biases, showing it's not just Clark who had a different idea of who Lois Lane could be.

Lois' introductory panel is my personal favorite part of her characterization in American Alien. Lois proudly stands as a wall of text behind her recounts how she was considered as a winner for the Daily Planet's Charlton Memorial Laureate Program. When asked why she deserves a place on the program, Lois snaps back that the very question itself is loaded. She's listed her credentials and looks professional- so she's either already been rejected and is just being made to "at least had my say" or she's been accepted and is "meant to garnish my success with eloquent affirmation" to which Lois refuses to do either.

This is a great defiant introduction to Lois, showcasing how jaded she is with the way the world perceives her- but is very confident in her self worth as a journalist. By the end of the issue she reaches out to Clark to combine their exclusive interviews into one story to make a big impression on the news. Her words inspire Clark to seize an opportunity to make a big change in the world as Superman.

Afterwards, the comic plays the classic Superman and Lois dynamic straight. Lois is initially suspicious of Superman, but eventually comes around and is inspired to hope through him. There's a great back and forth between the two where Lois' words initially inspire Clark to be Superman, then Clark assures Lois that Superman is probably just a good guy, and when Clark loses hope from a bad day of heroism, Lois gives him hope again. In the end, Lois realizes her love for Clark Kent over Superman and they share a passionate ending kiss.

Overall American Alien nails the Clark and Lois dynamic and understands their relationship. I consider this Asian Lois "just okay". I like that we get to see an adult jaded Asian Lois meet Clark Kent and Superman, and see them get together. Similarly to Girl Taking Over, I'd like to see how this Lois and Clark would play out. My only issue with American Alien's Lois is a sense of missed opportunities.

The writing overall leaves room for plausible deniability over Lois' Asian identity. The artists (particularly Lee and Manapul) are doing the heavy lifting delivering Asian Lois. If she was drawn as a white woman, none of the writing would need adjustment. Sure her introductory panel implies that people judge her based on her appearance- but that could be just sexism instead of the intersectional experience of Asian Lois going through racism and sexism. Clark did assume she was a man after all- it's never specified if he assumed she was a white man. The only thing you'd lose is the metatextual shock value of Lois Being Asian This Time. That's really what this Lois boils down to, initial shock value with no specific writing to follow through. Her marginalization and identity is written broadly enough that it could be attributed to general sexism and womanhood. It's not specific to being an Asian American woman.

However, because of its broadness, there's room for Lois' Asian identity to be built on in the world of American Alien. The story centers Clark's experiences, but I can easily imagine a continuation of the story expanding on Lois'. The basic groundwork is there. I think it's telling that in a comic called American Alien, we get a more diverse Superman cast system. Jimmy Olsen is Black, Lois Lane is Asian- when Clark moves to the city it feels expansive compared to Smallville. It's a world that feels ready to tackle themes of racism if it was ever to continue (and probably in the hands of a writer with that kind of life experience!). In the end, there's room for this Asian Lois to be something special. Clark isn't the only American Alien in American Alien, if you catch my drift.

You can see how Girl Taking Over has a huge piece of what American Alien is missing. The characters aren't just diverse for shock value, they're not an aesthetic change over historically white characters. They have a story to tell that is inseparable from their identities. Whereas in American Alien, the art is doing the heavy lifting with the reimagined diverse characters- Girl Taking Over has both the writing and art carry the representation. Lois can't be changed into being white in Girl Taking Over.

Both of these stories have potential- but if I had the choice to pick which story should continue, it would easily be Girl Taking Over. This graphic novel works for what it is: it makes sense that this is a younger and idealistic Lois that hasn't met Clark or Superman yet. It's a YA book and Lois can absolutely carry a story on her own. What I want as an Asian fan, is for the potential of Asian Lois Lane to be seen through to the point it's considered the definitive version. As of right now, Girl Taking Over is a fun twist on the Lois Lane story. Not something that is seen as inseparable from the Superman mythos. However! If those themes of marginalization and immigrant identity are tapped into for both Superman and Lois Lane? I feel that has the potential to radically strengthen the overall themes of Superman. It's certainly been touched on before.

(TW/CW: racial slur mention in below image)

Superman Smashes the Klan by Gene Yang with art by Gurihiru is a retelling of the Clan of the Fiery Cross arc in the classic radio show The Adventures of Superman where Superman faces off with the Klan who had been terrorizing a Chinese American family. The graphic novel adapts the story to center the Chinese American characters, and makes it a point to show that Superman relates to them. If that dynamic was applied to Asian Lois, that feels like a definitive love story waiting to happen.

The classic two person love triangle with Clark and Lois is that Lois loves Superman and is indifferent to Clark Kent. She thinks Superman is this ideal macho man and Clark is a cowardly fumbling guy at work who rivals her. What happens when you take that dynamic and made it so Lois identified with Superman- the more othering identity? How complicated would that make Clark Kent feel? How would he navigate that when his marginalization isn't always visible? That's a whole new depth to the love triangle we're not used to seeing. I feel so far, none of these versions of Lois have touched upon this potential dynamic. The perpetual foreigner, Lois Lane and the ultimate alien foreigner that is Superman. The jaded city girl meets the alien farm boy who gives her hope. They inspire each other to be more of themselves in a world not ready to accept either of them.

Up next, we'll be discussing My Adventures with Superman's Korean Lois Lane in pt 2. It's well. You can probably guess how I feel about it from what I wrote here but welp. We'll talk about it.

#ramblings #media criticism #lois lane #once again please be nice!!#i have many many feelings about asian lois lane so i may as well write it down and share it with you #jesncin talks maws #(a little bit anyway! like a precursor)#jesncin dc meta

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blackdragoness · 1 year

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PAC: WHAT MAKES YOU STAND OUT?

1) Pile 1 - 10 of Pentacles

2) Pile 2- Page of Wands

3) Pile 3- 5 of Pentacles

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Pile 1 - 10 of Pentacles

💍WIFEY💍

What makes you standout:

- wifey material

- stable

- patient

- kind

- sustainable

- efficient

- workaholics

- might come from a great family or upbringing

- endurance

- "you better shape up, cuz I need a man but my heart is set on you" sandy from grease

- temptation

-personable

-charismatic

-public speaking

-might be great with animals

-high standards and high morals

Tarot Cards:

You are the TOTAL PACKAGE. Hot Mami Tamale 🔥This is why you are wifey material. You are the calm of any storm. You are a great problem solver. I'm channelling alot of masculine energy. A lot of men think about you. You may be surrounded by men a lot either in a work environment or friend environment, etc. Men know they can rely on you to complete tasks that may be too heavy for other women to carry. You may have many suitors. Early on you may doubt your self worth because many of your suitors may not take you seriously at first but then fall madly in love as time goes on. You may be extremely attractive whether you care to admit it or not. This is why men don't take you seriously at first. They think you are nothing but a trophy and a good time. That is until they open up Pandora's box and find out all there is to know about such a beautiful alien creature that you are lol. Men realize you are not one to play with because you aren't afraid to walk away from anything that doesn't serve you. You may be "the one that got away" for a lot of people. This is not a love reading but I am channelling alot of romantic feelings from the opposite sex (not gender specific). You may be perceived as someone who never struggles in romance as you have lots of romantic offers. You always seem to glow up and level up every time you close a chapter in your life. A lot of people from your past miss you and wish to reconnect. What makes you standout is how people react to you. People notice the various reactions you evoke in those you interact with. Even those who are widely known for being the Eeyore of the crew will crack a smile or laugh during an interaction with you. You make everything seem effortless. I'm hearing legacy. Those who chose this pile are destined to leave behind a legacy. It could be positive or negative, but it's your choice to write your own story. Whatever it be, it will be what your bloodline is known for for generations to come but also be what you guys are skilled at. People don't realize what you meant to them until you walked away but things seemed to be effortless for you once you walked away and chose yourself. You stand out for your self love and your love for others. You want everyone around you to succeed and thrive. Everyone feels more inspired and motivated when you are around. You are many peoples muse. Keep shining bright like a diamond hunty.

Channelled Movie: Land Before Time

Channelled Song: You're The One That I Want - Olivia Newton John & John Travolta

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Pile 2: Page of Wands

⭐SUPERSTAR⭐

What makes you standout:

- limitless potential

-innovative

-breathe of fresh air

-unorthodox

-thinks outside the box

-talkative and communicative but in a way that grabs your attention for a long period of time

-leadership qualities

-initiative

-strong aries vibes

-lone wolf

-menace to society

-catalyst for change

Tarot cards:

If you chose this group, the thing that makes you stand out is that you have an undercover celebrity vibe about you. What makes you stand out is that you do not see just now truly magical you are to other people. Whimsical. You seem like a fairy when people first meet you and they wonder why you settle for the life you choose. You might live a very simple mundane and minimalistic lifestyle. Nothing wrong with that but you stand out to people because they think you should be living more lavishly. It's like if someone who looked like Jennifer Lopez decided to settle for a basic 9-5 career while rocking Shein's and being okay with that. Granted, she would still slay but do you see why you stand out? You look like something that waltzed right out of a Disney movie. "if there was anyone who would make it big from this small town, it would be that girl!" A lot of people see you as a celebrity in the making. Like you could be a model, an actress, a super star! But you are at peace with working a basic job making minimum wage. You make people want to invest in you. However, there's Something about a lack of motivation and being stuck in between two worlds. Indecisive energy. This may keep you awake at night. Wondering about your stability and your future. You are a rollercoaster! When people meet you, they aren't prepared for the rollercoaster of emotions you take them through. You are hard to comprehend and understand. Some of the things you do may at face value seem completely disrespectful and inhumane. But as time goes on and people pick apart the incident, they come to understand the innocence of your actions. As much as people hate it, they can't resist it. People can become very addicted to you and lose sleep over you. People can develop very jealous feelings towards you wondering if you are entertaining others or if their partners are secretly entertaining you. Lots and lots of birds in your life. Lots of talk. Lots of chita-chatta. You stand out because you are very humble. You are okay with the simple and mundane things in life. A lot of people think you could be famous or widely known for the ideas you come up with but you don't seem to care for the recognition. This is why you stand out. You are very talented and skilled in many things yet you do nothing with it. You are someone who shines bright without even trying. you may not like the spotlight or being the center of attention but when you do open up and share parts of your world with others, they feel so warm and gooey like warm honey lol. People don't understand why you aren't utilizing your talents. But it's only because they are addicted to your honey! They wish they could have it 24/7 but they disregard the fact that you are a human being as well. You may like a lot of time alone. Inner peace. Boundaries. You see the world differently. You choose to develop and master your talents in private and use them only when needed. Fame is not what you are after. It's skill. But not many people understand that or know. You may not even know that yourself. That is why you do not care to show off your talents.

Channelled Movie: Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile

Channelled Song: Anti-hero: Taylor Swift

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Pile 3: 5 of Pentacles

🏍️RIDE OR DIE ALPHA🏍️

-charitable

-selfless , will take the shirt off your back to help someone in need

-Icy Queen vibes - you colddddddd AF bitch 🤣 I'd like to see a mf TRY!

-cut off game strong

-spiritual to the point where people think you are a little kookoo in the noggin

-out of touch, out of reach, out of sight

-known for overcoming deep struggles and being victorious

-Soldier energy

-experienced

-teacher, mentor energy

-moves in silence

-unexpected

-enigma

Tarot cards:

You stand out because of your resiliency and your indestructibility. Whoever chose this pile, you have been through the war field many times in your life. Wounded. Stranded. Deserted. Left out. Shamed. Abused. Manipulated. Betrayal. So much hate and malice thrown your way and still you rose. Gahhhh dayum Pile 3, y'all some muthafuckin' souljah's, lets just say that! Your world could have been flipped upside down And tossed around and yet you still rose from the destruction and created opportunities for yourself. Dayuuuummmmmm. This energy is huge and it's intense. Who tf are you? When people think of you they are AMAZED at your inner strength especially after they find out your history and all the battles you've fought. You are valiant. Chivalrous. Immovable. Courageous. Unstoppable. Warrior spirit. Phoenix rising. People may have seen you come out victorious from a very tumultuous time. It's shocking and astonishing. You see the silver lining in everything so even the sourest of life experiences, you are able to see the sweetness of it all. Real life influencer vibes. "N*gga, F*ck your twitter, bitches follow me in real life" -J Cole. In a league of your own. In your own world. Superhero vibes. Super Villain vibes. GOAT. Go getter. Midas touch. Alpha dawg. Regina George/Sharpay Evans vibes. Pristine. Prim & proper. Upperclass vibes. The popular girl in school. Girl next door vibes. Confidence on 30000x. Beyonce of your own world. Fierce. Magnetic. One in a million. Unique. Straight to the point. Cut-throat. No bullshit.

Channelled Movie: The Blind Side

Channelled Song: Scars to Your Beautiful - Alessia Cara

#pick a pile #pick a card reading #pac reading #tarot community #intuitive readings #astro community #astrology #astro notes #art #zodiac

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em-dash-press · 11 months

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How to Write Strong Female Characters

Even if you write female protagonists all the time, subconscious biases can make them weaker than we intend. How can you make sure you write strong female characters? Use these tips while cretating your protagonists and supporting cast members so readers admire and connect with your story.

Note: This article is about writing cisgender characters and the stereotypes regarding them. To read more about writing incredible trans women characters, this post and this article are some great jumping-off points. A future post from me about writing trans protagonists will give the subject the space and time trans characters deserve.

1. Write Human Flaws

Women are often written as perfect or near-perfect characters. People expect so much of women in the real world—we want them to be attentive, fun mothers while being sexy spouses and respectful daughters. They have to succeed in their careers to provide for themselves and their family, all while fitting within the feminized constructs that make toxic male egos feel safe around women.

Basically, it can make writers create essentially perfect female protagonists. They handle everything well and when they can’t, they always find an answer to their problem.

Readers will connect more with female protagonists who are flawed. Your female protagonist should get angry, say the wrong things, make bad choices, and put herself first sometimes.

2. Avoid Objectification

Objectification is anything that makes a person feel less than fully human. It’s the scenes we’ve all read and movies we’ve watched where the female protagonist does something incredible—they save the world or take down a supervillain—and their partner, stunned in a love haze, says, “God, you’re beautiful,” before they kiss.

Complimenting female characters like this after they reach their resolution belittles their achievements. It means that even with their brilliance and courage, they’re still acceptable because they’re beautiful. Their beauty is ultimately the most important thing about her and the best way to remind her of her worth.

Other forms of objectification can sneak past a writer’s mind. Watch for these stereotypes as you work through your initial draft:

Describing her body parts as she gazes in the mirror

Saying she’s “different,” “odd,” or “unique” because she does a stereotypically male hobby or wears clothes that aren’t feminizing

Mentioning body parts in comparison to food

Making female characters manipulative for the sake of tricking people and not for any character growth goal/antagonist priority

Creating moments of immaturity that are seen as sexy (like whining being cute or pouting being hot)

3. Assign Individual Goals

Women are often written as self-sacrificing characters. They give up their time and energy for other characters because it’s what people expect of women in real life. Strong female protagonists need goals for themselves. If they don’t have an individual dream that makes them fulfilled or excited, they’ll swim through your plot exclusively for other characters’ arcs.

4. Watch for Female Cliches

Female characters often fit into specific cliches that are easily digestible for readers with conscious or subconscious sexist views. See if your characters fit into some of these common cliches to add the right flaws or arcs to make them fully human:

A symbol of purity: this protagonist never makes mistakes, is always sweet, and doesn’t have any sexual desires.

Femme fatale: this protagonist fills every room with sexual energy, only wears revealing clothes, and kicks ass with unearthly sexy grace.

A heartless bitch: this protagonist is always miserable for other characters to be around for no explainable reason, snaps at everyone, and basically takes on the role of a gradeschool bully at any age.

A pixie dream girl: this protagonist has no goals or arc of her own, exists to inspire other (mostly male) characters, and functions primarily as a plot device.

A Mary Sue: this protagonist can do nothing wrong and solves problems that she’s unqualified to do (minor example: Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades of Grey running a publishing business fresh out of college, where she didn’t study as a business major).

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Writing great female characters isn’t impossible. You only have to be aware of how those characters have been written poorly in the past. Watch for cliches and learn about examples of characters gone wrong to make your protagonists feel authentic, no matter what your plot has in store for them.

#protagonist #writing a protagonist #character creation #character development #female character #writing advice #writing tips #writers of tumblr #writeblr #writing inspiration #creative writing #writing help #writing resources

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onyourhyuck · 1 year

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MIRACLES DO HAPPEN. | Mark Lee (M)

↳ Prologue: “I wanted a baby so freaking bad.” + “I know, i’m sorry.”

↳ summary: You and Mark have been trying to conceive for a year but have failed. Both of you are persistent to start a family together so you venture out into the world of IVF. You’re starting your miracle on Christmas Day.

↳ Warning: Angst fluff. Mention of mental health. Healthy relationships with up and downs. Domestic Husband Mark. Fem Reader. Pregnancy mention. Honestly cried while writing this. IVF process. Injections/Needles mention. Arguments.

↳ Note: KINKMAS FIC. My favourite YouTuber is getting an IVF journey and now I can’t stop with the angst, so I’m writing an IVF fanfic. The whole process is inspiration and really shows how women are so strong to go through this.

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Life doesn’t go the way you plan most of the time. It certainly didn’t go the way you have imagined your marriage with Mark, but neither of you cared anymore. You aren’t going to give up on having a baby. You want it and Mark wants it just as much as you do. It doesn’t matter how you get the baby anymore. You closed the natural process out. Simply getting pregnant the natural way wasn’t working out for you. Mark has tried his hardest with you last year, every single pregnancy test turned out negative. It was hard to get up the next day to take a new pregnancy test hoping it shows up with two lines with positive written in bold letters. Instead you never came to see those. No matter how many times you try, it never succeed.

It wasn’t only you who suffered great deal of damage physically and mentally stressing constantly about how you will conceive a child. Because it was all you ever wanted. A family. Start your own family. Have little mark or little y/n running about the house, Mark coming home and being greeted with a child or two. You making dinner with your children, growing older while you watch them grow and experience the life ahead of them. Mark wants that too, believe it or not he suffers just as much as you did. He’s frustrated with himself that he couldn’t bring you what you wanted. A sense of divine intervention was meant to be done here but he couldn’t of brought it into light. At some point last year his mentality spiralling down further and he lashed at you. Yelled at you. Mark never yelled at you once, for as long as you knew him he never once shouts at you or scolds you. But he did it when he was in this constant pain of seeing you and him lose each other. The pressure of getting you pregnant but never actually getting you pregnant made him feel as if he has fail you.

So when he had yelled at you that day, you broke down too. Yelling back at your husband , screaming out how it wasn’t his fault but yours. You felt guilty for making Mark feel this way. You were too absorbed in your own worrisome thoughts and paranoia to the point you completely forgot getting pregnant was a two way ticket. Not a lonely journey alone, but a duo teamwork; spiritually, mentally and physically.

That day. Mark swore to never yell at you again because the sight of you crying and hating yourself twice as much meekly pains him to the bones. He would rather have you hate him than hate yourself for something you cannot control. It was Mother Natures process and choice to make. Your husband suggested IVF and if that doesn’t work, adoption was the last bit on the list.

IVF was not a simple process whatsoever though. Many women have so much side effects it can take a toll on your mental health, change your physique as well as your personality might change drastically. But it is what you are willing to go through to get pregnant. You want to do this. The doctors told you to take three injections: one in the morning, one in the afternoon after lunch preferably and then at night.

You woke up with a groggy feeling laying on your abdomen. Rolling out of bed and turning the bedside lamp on, your husband tugs on your sultry silk sleeve pulling your back a nudge. He groans out, half asleep. “Baby, come back to bed.”

Your lips fell into a small smile before pointing your eyes at the clock on your table next to the double share bed. It was 6:30am. The exact time you’re supposed to be taking the injection. You stood up, “after the injection i will.”

Mark sits up humming. “I’ll inject you, is that okay?” He rubs back the bed hair, the soft fluff out black locks make your eyes waver at the sight. You nod, “alright come.” making your way inside the bathroom you sit on top of the toilet seat preparing yourself mentally by heavy exhale. You always hated needles. Hated the way it goes inside you with a pinch.

He comes in with the syringe with the liquid full of hormones. The first side effect you might notice on yourself would be nausea and weight gain. In fact the doctor made you purposely gain weight before injecting your stomach because it would make it easier to pierce in you. The fatter body you have the more chance of the IVF actually working. Mark slowly kneels on the bathroom floor in front of you with reassurance in his eyes, he rubs your legs comfortingly when he saw your teary eyes.

“Hey.” He speaks out to you in a soft spoken voice. “I will be here with you through this journey every step away. Don’t be scared.” He leans to lift your pyjama satin shirt revealing your stomach, you try your best to stay loosen avoiding to use your stomach core muscles. You need to be loose and prepared for the hormone to enter your body.

The needle perks on your skin slowly going in and deeper into you with the liquid slipping in. You weren’t aware of it until he pulls out the needle and quickly he shifts to put the cute watermelon bandaid on the area he injected it to stop the small blood coming out from the injection. You sigh out as your tears spill, your thoughts were coming back: ‘this wouldn’t of happened if i got pregnant naturally. The easy way.’ You realise this wasn’t the ideal situation for either of you.

Mark pulls you into an embrace murmuring praises hoping it might distract you from how overwhelming this actually is for your marriage as well as your families. “You’re so strong for this, Y/n. I’m so proud.” His hands rub your back in circular motions as you exhale a deep heavy breathing, trembling in his hold you sniffle.

“I wanted a baby so freaking bad.” Your voice trails in his shoulder resting there . Mark bites his bottom lip at your words, now his vision become blurry as he spews out tears. “I know, I am sorry.” He wanted a baby so freaking bad too. But he cannot breakdown with you, he has to support you too. Negativity won’t solve your problems, but perhaps Positivity might make a grave difference in your situation a lot more.

His apology couldn’t make you feel more tied down to guilt. It sent you at least twenty feet underground with the way his voice breaks down and cracks, trying to sound strong for you, but you could tell he was on his breaking point too.

Mark pulls away from the embrace holding your face with his palms, he pulls you into a loving kiss. He breaks it apart from your mouth and travels to peck your forehead after. “You’re going to be an amazing mother after the IVF is done.”

You let out a shy smile looking down. “You think so?” Mark brushed your hair back with the fingertips lightly. “I know so.”

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Christmas Day has come, and the clinic has called you for an important news to share with you and Mark containing about the IVF journey. You’ve done everything you were told but you now need to hear the final news if you’re pregnant or not.

Your families have gathered around your house for this Christmas and are settling outside hanging about together. You bring yourself in to the living room by the fireplace that was burning the charcoal, a large Christmas tree invading the corner with presents underneath still waiting to be opened. You sit down and Mark comes in soon enough with his phone in hand. He hands it to your palms with a half excited and nervous face.

“They’re calling.” Mark tells you.

Your hands press the green button and the clinical doctor on the line speaks, her voice breaks your mind into nothingness as if before you had no thoughts running even though you were praying like a mantra to god it is positive news something you want to hear ; same with mark. He has prayed before in the kitchen alone. Your families are here with you anticipating too.

“Hello I have some news to share… I want you to prepare for what I’m about to say.” Your doctor said to you both. Mark and you share a glance before humming in agreement.

“We’re ready.”

Your doubts were there, no denying about it. You had negative thoughts there in the back of your head. But you pushed them away staying hopeful for this journey because you haven’t put your blood sweat and tears in it for nothing. Mark and you haven’t got up everyday at 6:30 to inject you the next following days. It wouldn’t be for vain. Plus adoption was always an option next.

“Y/n Lee and Mark Lee…”

…

“Congratulations you are pregnant!”

You and Mark look at each other with wide eyes. In a sweep your husband has wrapped his hands on your waist lifting you into the air twirling your as if you were a bird dancing in the air, flying free, mark was laughing with tears brewing in the eyes, slipping you down back on your feet he had you freeze in your spot. Your lips fell into a line when he met your lips with his, kissing them gracefully and softly as if they were made of porcelain material. So fragile and delicate. He had his hands wrapping in your curls, letting them go as his fingertips trace your jawline and up cupping your cheeks with his warm hands. You close your eyes enjoying the loving scent of cinnamon in the air as well as the warm emitting from the fireplace. His soft lips radiating on yours, felt like heaven ascending you to higher realm.

You break apart with a breathy sight of happiness. You were happy, he was happy; hell you were more than happy. You felt an achievement. An long fulfilling wish become reality. A family with your lover, your true love, Mark, you can finally share a baby together.

Mark whispers to you. “ I’m still processing the fact that we are going to be parents after so long of trying. Endless fails until now.”

You close your eyes bringing your husband into an embrace where you bury your face in his shoulder lovingly holding each other by the Christmas tree behind your interlock bodies. “It doesn’t matter how many tries we did, Mark, as long as i have you and the baby i feel like we succeeded.”

“I love you, this is our miracle.” He smiles at your words brushing his hands behind your hair stroking it. You murmur. “I love you too.”

Miracles do happen.

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank you! REBLOG THIS POST TO SHOW LOVE AND FOLLOW ME FOR MORE FANFICS IF YOU ENJOYED<3

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theblackfemininesociety · 3 months

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thesunfyre4446 · 4 months

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I really don't get why people are so obsessed with viserys naming rhaenyra his heir. Frankly speaking, the moment aegon was born his words lost their meaning almost entirely since westeros is a medieval society. If we look at the real world actions that inspired the dance (the anarchy) we will see that not only Matilda (the ONLY heir, to whom nobles swore not once but TWICE) was challenged but she was challenged by her first cousin whose claim rose from female line (and he wasn't even the eldest). imo it's the biggest flaw of the dance bc rhaenyra's claim is so weak from medieval point of view that the fact she was supported by so many nobles is what truly makes asoiaf fantasy lol (and don't get me started on a general political side of the dance, bc it's a mess and f&b in general always looked to me like a soap opera rather than a history book about politics and stuff). And considering she also wanted her illegitimate child to succeed her it should've literally stripped her of any remaining support as well, her only advantage should've been in dragons and possible political alliances/marriges.

The other thing that kinda bothers me is that aegon is called an usurper even in universe which considering the rules of the realm is mind-boggling tbh. I feel like the fans (and grrm himself or maybe he just wanted something cool) don't grasp that feudal society (like in asoiaf) and centralised government (like absolute monarchy which is what many fans believe targaryens to be) are two completely different beasts.

Sorry if it's a bit messy, English is not my first language and I write on my phone

i could write you a 100 page essay about matilda's (yes, i'm a huge history nerd) tragedy of eventually realizing that she will never be able to sit the english throne as a woman and starting to fight for her son to be king instead (and he ended up being a horrible horrible man that abuses women f*ck you henry ii justice for eleanor) ]

yeah the houses that supported the greens claimed that the oath they swore to rhaenyra lost it's value the second the king had a son. in ep 3 the lords all assume that aegon is now the heir without viserys even making an official announcement , it's that obvious to them. it's very problematic when the lords believe that aegon naturally has a stronger claim then rhaenyra - the chosen heir - that's a succession crisis. aegon's claim is based on precedence & the andal law and rhaenyra's is based on the king. (that's the problem, rhaenyra's whole claim & political power are completely dependent on vis, the second he died - she was pretty much doomed).

yeah nonnie F&B politics are messy and illogical lol, but i will say that the lords who supported rhaenyra didn't do it in the name of feminism, most of them did it for personal gain or because they believed the blacks had a better chance of winning. (like jayne arryn that was worried that her own claim to the vale will be challenged if the greens won).

#house of the dragon #hotd #asks #aegon targaryen ii #rhaenyra targaryen #anti viserys i targaryen

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possessionisamyth · 8 months

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Extremely frustrating to see how many people don't bother to understand Chris Redfield outside of a shipping context. Hell, even within those contexts he's made into an idiot, hyper aggressive and easily jealous, or a pillow who's supposed to take everyones bullshit with a smile (hmm wonder why you guys keep doing that to large men you find intimidating 🤔).

So in combo with my "Jill is allowed to get mad without it framing her as evil" post, I'm going to tell you Chris' anger and selfishness is always punished.

Chris is not allowed to get angry without severe consequences aka people dying around him, and this is a different kind of refreshing because normally they save that for the women of the cast, but this gets slapped on Chris of all people. And it's good actually.

Chris has been foisted into leadership position after leadership position when we've consistently seen he works best with a partner as a team or as a team player in a larger group. Resident Evil 1 with Rebecca, Code Veronica with Claire, a couple of manga installments with Jill, Lost in Nightmares with Jill, Resident Evil 5 with Sheva, like, these are all examples of where Chris is functioning at his best because he has someone where they can fill in the gaps for each other's shortcomings. His history with the air force where they are constantly working on a team, and he was too young to be thrust into leadership positions, built that foundation.

And they keep taking the guy who's used to being a support player and putting him into a leadership position, which leads to frustration because he's the guide instead of being able to ask for guidance. This is like taking the best chef in your kitchen and turning him into the restaurant manager when he has extremely little account experience. Yes, he'll figure it out with practice, but a lot of shit is going to get fucked over in the process until things smooth out. So when Chris gets angry and loses sight of his surroundings, the narrative punishes him.

He nearly loses Claire in Code Veronica because he was on a manhunt for Umbrella. He loses his second squad (ignoring the amnesia) in RE6. He loses Arias multiple times, and Rebecca gets kidnapped in Vendetta. He loses Ethan in RE8. This man is not allowed to let anger cloud his vision for even a second, and anger is usually one of the few emotions men are allowed to show without getting ridiculed for it.

To branch it out even further and say he's not allowed to think selfishly without consequences isn't so far-fetched either. It's been beaten into Chris over and over that if he does something for himself, people are going to get hurt or worse. His life isn't his own because inspiring leader Chris Redfield has to pull everyone together, and just, the pressure of having to be this image other people built up of him based on jobs where he was working with someone equally capable in order to succeed? The team effort tossed aside to raise him up higher and higher?

As a big brother he had to be selfless once their parents were gone. Again when all he wanted to do was make sure Jill, his close friend, was okay instead of fighting another impossible world scale battle against Wesker. Again when all he wanted to do was grieve over his lost team in RE6. Again when he was just trying to save Ethan in RE8 (Look, I'll talk about the pitfalls of RE8 writing later). And these are only the jobs we see! How many times has this lesson been thrown in his face for 10 years! 20 years!

Do you have any idea what that makes his relationships outside of work look like? How he might keep to himself just enough to maintain distance but ease anyone's worries. How he would constantly put others desires before his own wants and needs. We see this in bits and pieces in Death Island. I still think mentioning Piers at all instead of them talking out Jill's trauma was dumb, but Piers death told Chris "this is his life forever". Piers death told Chris this is what he gets for letting anger get the best of him. The cherry on top of this shit pie? Piers wasn't exempt from pedestaling Chris.

They did not need Chris for that job in China. There are other people who had leadership experience in the BSAA. They seriously should've sent Chris home to recover after finding him, but they didn't. Why? Well, the hero worship remained. Piers thought his own life was worth less than the great Chris Redfield. The one time Chris tricks himself into being selfish, the one time he believes he can take a seat and step away from this life, the one fucking man he believes sees him as a person still views him as this hero he never wanted to be, and Piers dies for it. And just like the drunk and sorry state he caught Leon in in Vendetta, that anger Jill has for going in headfirst is reminding Chris of himself and how it only made things worse.

Chris doesn't say a god damn word during Dylan's commentary of him, because Chris believes Dylan's right. Chris probably tells himself those same words so he tries to be less angry, more selfless, and it fucking loops. And even though Chris has a support system, it really really makes me wonder if he's using it, or if everyone is so used to using him as a crutch that he never bothers reaching out in the first place.

#resident evil #re #chris redfield #re analysis #this is some real train of thought writing #i love chris btw

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izicodes · 8 months

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Don't know if you've touched on this topic before, but do you have any advice on dealing with discrimination within comp sci (specifically sexism)? I have bad anxiety and have constant thoughts telling me how I'll never be good enough or don't belong. My brother who is a senior dev has had a passion for computers since a small child while I just developed an interest within the past two years. My family takes his career seriously but then turn around and tell me how great of a secretary I'll be lol. Thanks for your time!

Hiya 💗

Just some background on me: I haven't had any sexist experiences in during my whole journey of learning software development during my apprenticeship and now working as a Junior Web Dev. I'm the only girl in the Dev team (6 of us in total), the only other woman is the Manager of the Dev team but she does databases + business oriented work so she doesn't code at all. I'm the youngest in the team also so they see me as "oh let's teach the kid of the group" kind of thing. So at work I don't feel any type of sexism, the lads are really open to teach me a lot stuff which I am thankful!

I don't know any other irl developers besides work so I'll move on to online. Online I know a lot more women developers; Tumblr, YouTube, Instagram and Twitter (or X whatever it's called). Maybe it's because I've like cultured the content I see to them idk. I'm really glad to have that constantly on my timeline as it inspires me to push and do/become better because if those girlies can do it, so can I.

Though all the teachers/instructors I had were all men, they didn't make me feel small or not worthy to be in Computer Science, they were the opposite and pushed me to do it more. My Dad did Computer Science with CyberSecurity at university and he always pushed me to do computer science when I got older - not force but inspired me to do it (wanted to do medicine but too hard so switched to comp sci/programming)!

So, in my experience, I never had a really bad sexist interaction because I did computer science. People are shocked I am in programming in general but more like "Oooooh that's cool! Didn't know you did that!" kind of thing!

Now, this doesn't mean I haven't seen sexist remarks online, because I have but more through memes. I always ignore. Everyone, man or woman, should ignore such remarks/meme and move on. Don't let a bunch of people determine what you want and what's best for you! If you did, they would be controlling your life and not you yourself.

I don't know if that's easier said than done for you because I'm a hard person on people saying bad things to me. I just ignore you literally. I'm polite yes, but what you will say to me will go through one ear and out the other if it's really negative. Pretty much a "I don't care about your opinion, I will do me anyways" kind of person. E.g. if my brothers were to tell me "oh you a girl, don't do computer science" I won't listen to them at all.

And at the end of the day, what are they gonna do? Will your family members that are saying those stuff to you physically stop you from learning computer science? Especially since it's so accessible online so all you need a is a computer? All around the world, women are leaning computer science one way or another to change their lives and/or the lives around them.

They are making so much effort so for me to say "oh well.. you know some lads in my comp sci class say I can't do comp sci so I shouldn't" or "oh well I don't think learning programming is a woman's thing yknow because it's so dominated by men" - excuse my language here but that's flipping ridiculous!

This isn't some feminist or even anti-feminist thing here, it's a plain simple human thing: proving yourself and even the people around you wrong. Go into it and succeed. You're not too old or too young.

Why are their programs like SheCodes or BGIT (black girl in tech) that are making effort to help women push into tech? There's more women in tech now than there has been ever so if you're a woman and want to go into Tech but some lads are saying no? Do it anyways.

If a company has lads like that in them, that's the company's fault for hiring a sexist non-team player - says a lot about that company.

As humans we are never good enough so just get that out of your mind, less stress. Good enough for a job? all you got to do is keep going out it. Keep learning the theory, keep building the projects, keep redoing your resume and applying for jobs - keep going.

You quit, you let yourself down - especially when programming/ computer science is your calling!

I went on a bit of a rant but I hope some of this helps 🥳👍🏾💗

#my asks #codeblr #coding #progblr #programming #studying #studyblr #comp sci #tech #programmer #computer science

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serpentsapple · 11 months

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(This post will contain mild spoilers for Yellowface. There will also be brief mentions of racism.)

Yellowface was a breath of fresh air!

Hello, welcome, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I honestly thought this blog would be abandoned to inactivity until now when I received renewed vigour to write for it. The cause is simple, really. I finally found another book I thought was worth talking about regarding its portrayal of women.

Now this may surprise you but we don’t particularly enjoy expelling negative energy on books. We started this blog out of a naïve hope that perhaps we would be put in touch with like minds and find books that speak to us. Fast-forward a few years on and that hope was dashed. My co-partner had grown busy with other pursuits and equally had few words to speak on anything literary, and we packed up this blog prepared never to update it again.

That is, until, my saving grace came in the form of a most unexpected source.

I had heard whispers of Yellowface prior to its publication but I admit after reading its premise and a few advanced reviews, it didn’t seem like anything I would be interested in. How it pleases me to be wrong in this instance! And to have taken a chance after having seen a few friends speak its praises. The premise to Yellowface is a simple one: set in a contemporary America, Juniper Hayward steals the manuscript of her deceased Asian female friend and passes it off as her own, and this callous act of self-serving ego rockets her to stardom.

Juniper Hayward is one of the best female protagonists I’ve read in quite a long time.

Before I continue, I want to make a few things clear: Juniper Hayward is no feminist icon. She is racist. She is egocentric, prideful, catty, self-interested. She is, in all respects, the villain of the story and the orchestrator of her own misery. And yet… and yet… she compelled me. She reflected an ugly side of being an artist I longed to see portrayed by a woman. While she is the furthest thing from an aspirational and awe-inspiring individual she was so startlingly human, so flawed, so hungry, that I couldn’t get enough of her. I devoured Yellowface in the span of two days and afterwards I was left utterly enthralled by Juniper and Athena both and their parasitic, competitive friendship.

Deep down, I’ve always suspected Athena likes my company precisely because I can’t rival her. I understand her world, but I’m not a threat, and her achievements are so far out of my reach that she doesn’t feel bad squealing to my face about her wins. Don’t we all want a friend who won’t ever challenge our superiority, because they already know it’s a lost cause? Don’t we all need someone we can treat as a punching bag?

This is the sort of representation I was looking for! Women who are deeply driven by their own want and ambition, compelled to succeed until it takes them to unprecedented heights (or leads to an almighty fall). I truly commend Kuang for bringing these women to life, setting them in a book filled with equally dimensional and awful female side characters, with nary a prominent male presence to be found unless they serve the narrative. It was a genuine pleasure to read about Juniper and her desire to be recognised for her writing accomplishments, to create and leave something behind that was bigger than herself:

A musician needs to be heard; a writer needs to be read. I want to move people’s hearts. I want my books in stores all over the world. I couldn’t stand to be like Mom and Rory, living their little and self-contained lives, with no great projects or prospects to propel them from one chapter to the next. I want the world to wait with bated breath for what I will say next. I want my words to last forever. I want to be eternal, permanent; when I’m gone, I want to leave behind a mountain of pages that scream, Juniper Song was here, and she told us what was on her mind.

Juniper Hayward is a protagonist on par with Humbert Humbert. A loathsome figure full of pitiful self-excuses and delusional rationalisations for the wrongs they commit. You feel disgust with them, you feel for them, you yearn to understand them, but what you can never do is ignore them.

Plagiarism is an easy way out, the way you cheat when you can’t string words together on your own. But what I did was not easy. I did rewrite most of the book. Athena’s early drafts are chaotic, primordial, with half-finished sentences littered all over the place. Sometimes I couldn’t even tell where she was going with a paragraph, so I excised it completely. It’s not like I took a painting and passed it off as my own. I inherited a sketch, with colors added only in uneven patches, and finished it according to the style of the original. Imagine if Michelangelo left huge chunks of the Sistine Chapel unfinished. Imagine if Raphael had to step in and do the rest.

And what I love most is that, penned by an Asian woman like Kuang, there is no chance for Juniper to escape accountability for her vile misdeeds. The author holds her up in all her contemptible glory, with no veneer of justification to be found, and invites you to observe and cast your judgement. She tapped into the gnawing resentment that eats away at every writer in the publishing industry, each of us all clawing for the scraps of recognition those at the table see fit to toss our way until we all turn on each other. Why her? Why not me? Is it because I am not pretty enough? Not charismatic enough? Am I simply too blandly white and heterosexual? Am I simply too unpalatable for the masses? On and on it goes, the gears turning, powering the engine of jealousy until it churns out a monster like Juniper.

The attacks on the publishing industry and how it commodifies and weaponises identity to serve capitalist interests were particularly salient and incisive from Kuang, I like how she tackled both sides of an argument, exposing both of their respective shortcomings, and left no one unscathed.

She’s done this in all her other novels. Her fans praise such tactics as brilliant and authentic—a diaspora writer’s necessary intervention against the whiteness of English. But it’s not good craft. It makes the prose frustrating and inaccessible. I am convinced it is all in service of making Athena, and her readers, feel smarter than they are.

But best of all, I loved how much the story was so singularly focused on Juniper’s ambitions. There was no looming romance in the background threatening to infringe on the narrative. Juniper never took the chance to lament her lack of a traditional lifestyle, if anything, she scorns it.

I couldn’t stand to be like Mom and Rory, living their little and self-contained lives, with no great projects or prospects to propel them from one chapter to the next. I want the world to wait with bated breath for what I will say next.

However, like all books, there are shortcomings. I won’t detail them here as they are not relevant to the nature of this particular post and don’t detract enough from the positives to bear mentioning. All in all, Yellowface was a pleasant and welcome surprise and I heartily encourage people to pick it up if you’re interested in reading about women wallowing freely in their dark sides.

#bookblr #booklr #yellowface #our posts #mod c

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umlewis · 1 year

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lewis hamilton is interviewed ahead of the miami grand prix [part 1] - may 3, 2023 (transcription under the cut)

Interviewer: "So, Lewis, just saw you playing a bit of basketball. It looks like that's not your first time, right? You've played a bit before. You looked pretty good out there." Lewis: "I played when I was a kid, and I love to play when I can, but I haven't played for ages." Interviewer: "Do you get competitive even in those kind of situations?" Lewis: "Super. I think it's almost like a sickness. [laughs] When I lost, I was... Yeah, can't help it. I'm like, damnit! I'm like, re-run it. All I can think of is like, can I get them to re-run it? And then, at the end, I stayed and I just kept hitting... Just to get past that comeptitive part of me, so, yeah." Interviewer: "It did look good at the end. At the end, it looked like you were..." Lewis: "Yeah, but it should be... When the pressure was on, I should have been good." Interviewer: "Yeah. All I can say is, we had George do it a couple of years ago and you're better than George, so..." Lewis: "Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, if I wasn't, it would be a huge let-down on that side of things. Like, I grew up playing. I love basketball and I follow it. George definitely doesn't. I don't know what other sport George... Maybe soccer or something like that, but..." Interviewer: "Well, we saw you two playing a bit of table tennis. That looked competitive." Lewis: "Oh, yeah, yeah. I need to get better at that, as well. Yeah, he had a ping pong table, like, we made a desk, and then he brought his own ping pong net, so yeah, I think we have to re-up that game. I definitely need to get better at ping pong." Interviewer: "So that's the one thing he's got on you, maybe? Is..." Lewis: "At the moment, he's killing me at... He beat me. Well, not killing me, but he beat me at ping pong, so I definitely need to work on that." Interviewer: "Yeah, I can see that." Lewis: "Hopefully, maybe we'll get a table more frequently, and then we'll see how it is at the end of the year." Interviewer: "It was great content, as well, seeing you two doing something like that." Lewis: "Yeah, it was good fun." Interviewer: "While we're on the subject of basketball, or back on the subject of basketball, I see you posted Giannis' piece in the press conference where he talked about failure and the very big difference between failure and steps to make progress. What did that say to you? Because obviously it's something which you wanted to put back out there, as well." Lewis: "I reposted it because I just felt... I've been in that position and I could feel the frustration. I knew exactly how it is, like that, 'cause when you're working toward something, it's all about... Success is made up of a ton of failures. You fail far more than you do succeed, and I think sometimes people are complacent when they're asking you questions. 'How does it feel to be failing?' It's not really that... There are no mistakes, there are only lessons, I keep saying, and you can't always win. But it's not how you fall, it's how you get back up. It's how you show up, day in, day out, and train, and continue to try to get to wherever it is you're trying to get to, which is obviously the top, and I thought it was really inspirational. I thought he just spoke very, very well. I think he was just very eloquent with how he put it down." Interviewer: "Yeah, 'cause we only tend to see the success; the tip of the iceberg, if you like. There must be so much that goes on, being a pro athlete, to get to that point and, obviously, like you say, failures, call them what you like, along the way, but it's all steps toward something important, right?" Lewis: "Yeah, exactly, but also people... I mean, the emotional stress you go through when you're working with a team... The emotional feelings you go through, the physical, where you're just constantly having to dig deep... And all sportsmen and women out there will know what it's like. It's great to see there's so many people so super competitive, but yeah, it's obviously a different... When you see them... From our side of the table, when you're on this side being asked questions and you're the one going through all this stuff... In the spotlight, as well. I feel sometimes it's difficult for people to understand, I guess." Interviewer: "Yeah, I mean, right now, obviously things aren't quite where you want it, but your motivation is still there. We heard you get out of the car in Baku and you were saying I don't just want one more year. I want several more years here. So where's that coming from, inside you?" Lewis: "I love what I do. I mean, racing has been my life... Two-thirds of my life, I've been racing, so there's never gonna be a day that I don't... I'm always gonna be watching racing. I'll always be a driver, 'til I die, right? The seasons are very long. It's a gruelling career, but it also gives so much. But I don't know. I'm loving working with my team, I'm still loving racing, and I love being in battle on track. And when you get in the zone, where you're really on top of everything, there's a special synergy that you have which is hard to find. And I'm 38, but I feel younger than ever. I'm training better than I've ever trained before, I feel like I'm in a great place, so I don't see why I would want to stop any time soon. And there's a lot more I wanna do within the sport. As the sport continues to grow, the work that we're doing, not only within the sport, but outside, in terms of the impact... And working here today with IWC and [unintelligible], getting young kids an opportunity to get into STEM from underserved communities, that's some incredible work, and I wanna be a part of that." Interviewer: "Yeah, 'cause that's really tied in with what you've tried to, as well, from Mission 44, and you were saying the other day that you'd like to expand it to the US, you'd like to expand it to Africa. Could you talk about what the plans are there?" Lewis: "Yeah, Mission 44, we're working on a plan to expand it to... I'd love to bring it to the States and I'd love to do some work... With my trip to Africa and discovering more about my heritage in Africa, I see there's so much opportunity out there for kids, and it's really hard to believe it if you can't see it, so it's creating an opportunity for these kids. Every kid deserves an opportunity; a good education. Every kid should understand what STEM could lead to, and it's not just one job, and I think there's just a lot of... And also just, I'm really focused on just transforming the lives of young, underserved kids. That's what drives me when I'm in the car. If I can get on the podium, and get first, and I have a bigger platform to push that narrative and work with great brands like IWC to actually make an impact when we are in these places... And it's not just about a product. I's actually about a real story and a journey that we're on."

#lewis hamilton #f1 #formula 1 #miami gp 2023 #fic ref #fic ref 2023 #miami #miami 2023 #miami 2023 wednesday #not a race #2023 not a race #between baku and miami 2023 #with george

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scruffandyarn · 2 years

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Take My Hand, I'll Start My Journey (12)

Fandom: The Mummy and The Mummy Returns Pairing: Ardeth Bay x f!reader Warnings: Fighting Anubis's army, reader is injured (nothing graphic), women warriors ftw, feelings, cheesy af ending, Horus gets the last word.

This is it, folks. The last part of this story. I don't know that I'll be adding more on to this story. We'll just have to see if my brain has any inspiration in the future.

Take My Hand Masterlist

Part 12:

As he turned away from his commanders, you could tell he was troubled. You gently scratched Horus’s head as he approached you, reigns in hand, his horse following dutifully behind him.

“They anticipated me coming alone and did not bring any additional horses.”

“Ok.” You didn’t want to assume you knew what he would say, but you just needed him to say something.

“My people, we have trained as warriors to fight what we will soon face.”

“But some have training better suited for after the battle.” You nodded in the direction of Faraj, who you’d easily spotted in a sea full of strangers. The look of apprehension on his face told you he was just as nervous as you were.

Ardeth sighed. “Would it make any difference if I were to tell you I do not want you to fight?”

“If you are unable to succeed, it will become everyone’s fight.”

No, you weren’t ready. You absolutely did not want to battle whatever was about to come. But you knew you were right. And you knew he knew it, too.

“Then you will ride with Faraj. He and the others who have trained as healers will bring up the rear.”

“And you’ll be leading the attack.” It wasn’t a question.

Still, he nodded. “It is my duty as--”

You shook your head. “I know.” You flashed him a soft smile. “This is what I get for loving the leader.”

It seemed as if your words had caught him off-guard as his response was just to stare at you. Still smiling, you rose and kissed his cheek.

“Wherever you lead, I will follow.” You ducked your head and made your way to Faraj.

You anticipated having to explain the slight change in plans, but he simply held out his hand to help you up.

“He has already warned me not to mention how you called him pretty.” Faraj shifted forward, giving you space to sit behind him, still cradling Horus to you.

“I appreciate that, Faraj.” You looked back over at Ardeth, who was shaking his head, and grinned. “I’ll make sure to let him know you didn’t.”

As soon as you were settled, he began leading his horse through the surrounding riders. “He said you mended Horus.”

The bird in question chirped at the mention of his name.

“I just bandaged him. The bullet went through his wing, so it wasn’t anything like you had to do for me.” You paused. “I never did thank you for what you did for me. Oh my god, I am so sorry, Faraj.” You felt sick to your stomach. A life-saving procedure and you hadn’t even bothered to express any appreciation. “I know it’s not a good enough reason, but that drink--and I played with his hair--and--”

“I assumed as much. Do not trouble yourself.”

“It was so embarrassing.”

Faraj flashed a small smile back at you. “Ardeth’s experiences with my medicines were much worse.” He continued navigating through the warriors. “Should we be victorious, I shall tell you about them.”

It wasn’t long after the two of you found yourselves among the other Medjai healers that it seemed as though the thousands of people around you all held their breath collectively. Peering around Faraj’s shoulders, you could see a shadow overtaking the desert sands like an ocean wave across a beach.

This wave did not recede, however. Instead, it began to move the sand, forming lumps that grew skyward until they took shape. Thousands of creatures, all looking like the jackal-headed form of Anubis, emerged from the sand, baring teeth and weapons.

“Tuck Horus in the sack.” Faraj drew his sword.

It took you a moment to realize what he was talking about, until you spotted a saddlebag hanging just behind your leg. “Right.” You placed a squawking Horus into it. “Remember, don’t do anything stupid, ok? That’s the humans’ job.”

He took only a moment to settle and you drew your own sword--the one Ardeth had you practice with. It looked different from the one Faraj wielded. Different from the ones held by all those around you.

“Is that--”

“He can have it back, as long as he survives this.” You explained quickly. “Right now, it’s time to play ball.”

Faraj wasn’t given enough time to question you, as everyone began to charge forward.

You held onto the horse as tightly as you could with your legs, holding your sword just like you’d been taught. Unfortunately, your two-handed hold meant you couldn’t grip onto anything but your weapons with your hands. After the first creature Faraj beheaded, sand erupted from the body, causing his horse to jerk, which sent you flying from your seat.

You did your best to roll with the fall--this was not something Ardeth had ever had you practice--but as soon as you were back on your feet, covered in sand from head to toe, you came face-to-face with a snarling creature, spear swinging wildly at you.

“Damn it!”

Your first swing was one-handed, and you were immediately irritated with yourself for only breaking the spear.

“Baseball, ______, baseball.” With both hands, you managed to swing and turn the creature to dust. “You’re the batter.” You swung at another, successfully removing its head. “Hit a home run.” And another. “Win the game.” And another.

You heard a shout that your brain’s limited knowledge of Arabic translated to ‘get down’ and you ducked, spinning in time to see another Medjai warrior destroy the creature that couldn’t have been more than a foot behind you. You nodded your thanks to the woman before she sprinted forward.

In your brief distraction, a spear sliced through the outside of your thigh. A step or two to the side, and you knew it could have easily punctured your femoral artery, but as it was, the adrenaline you were flying on kept you from feeling all of the pain you knew was waiting for you the next day.

You brought your sword down on a creature that had just knocked a rider from his horse, staggering. You weren’t sure how much longer you could keep doing this. But, looking around, there were no more of Anubis’ army to fight. The cheering meant you’d somehow managed to survive this.

Only, Ardeth ran through the crowd, stopping a few meters away, staring out across the sands. You turned to see what he had--thousands, millions more soldiers of Anubis’s army. All of them crossing the desert at an alarming speed, heading straight for you.

Briefly, you leaned your head back and closed your eyes. You thought back to a promise you’d made, years before. “When I promised I’d go down swinging, Faith, I didn’t think I’d be doing it literally.” You could practically hear her laughing at you. “I’ll see you soon.”

While those around you shouted out at Ardeth’s declaration, you merely nodded. You didn’t have the same upbringing as the Medjai, you hadn’t been raised knowing that you were a part of something so much bigger. All these people would die as warriors, an honorable death.

You?

You were just resigned to what was coming.

You closed your eyes again and saw Alex, the way his nose would scrunch up in distaste anytime you were in the park with him and you’d come across a couple on a date. You saw the other nurses you and Faith had bunked with while stationed just outside a war zone, the smiles that wouldn’t quite reach their eyes anymore. The grandfatherly grocer you’d once lived down the street from, who’d ask if you’d found a husband yet every time he saw you walk into his store, and kept trying to match you with his nephew.

Their faces and so many more flashed through your mind, before you opened your eyes and gripped tighter on your sword. This would be for them.

And it would also be for the man standing not too far away. For the gentle acceptance he’d shown you. For the love you felt inside for him.

Bracing yourself, you held your sword high, eyes closed once more.

A cloud of sand washed over you and everything around you was still.

Daring to open your eyes, you were met with sand as far as the eye could see. Not the black sand that had changed into Anubis’ army, but the golden sand of the desert, just as it had been when you’d first left the oasis.

“Wow.” You nodded to yourself, your brain being completely unhelpful at processing what you were seeing.

Somehow, Ardeth must have heard your voice over the shouting, because he was suddenly looking right at you. The next moment, you’d been swept up into his embrace, each of you dropping your weapons to the ground.

“They’ve done it.” Ardeth set you down on your feet. With both of his hands holding your face, he pressed a bruising kiss to your lips. “O’Connell has defeated the Scorpion King.”

Finally, you felt like you could draw in a full breath. “We’ve won? It’s over?!” Except… “What about Imhotep?”

“They will send the creature back to the Underworld just as they did before, I am sure.”

You wrapped your arms around him, tucking your head under his chin. You smiled into his chest as he kissed the top of your head.

“I do believe I am angry with you, though.”

Even though his voice held a tinge of humor, you still pulled back, alarmed.

“It is not fair for you to tell me you love me only to go off into battle.” He squeezed you. “Especially when you do not give me the chance to tell you I feel the same for you.”

Before he could kiss you again, the two of you were approached by Faraj, on foot, leading Ardeth’s horse to him.

“Faraj--”

He merely smiled and turned the horse, showing his own saddlebag had been tied to Ardeth’s saddle. There was Horus, nestled into the bag. As soon as he saw you and Ardeth, however, he immediately began squawking, trying his best to spread his wings.

“You’re going to hurt yourself!” You scolded, taking a step towards him. That proved to be a poor choice, as your wound reminded you of its existence and your leg buckled. Looking up at Ardeth from the ground, you did your best to glare. “Don’t say anything.”

Instead, he started laughing, his own adrenaline leaving him quickly. You could see the relief in his eyes as he helped you back up, guiding you to lean against him.

A loud explosion caught everyone’s attention. You and Ardeth turned together to see a giant plume of black smoke rising from the direction of the oasis. You looked over at Ardeth, hoping he could explain what was happening, but it seemed as if he was just as confused as you were.

The face in the smoke groaned, then the entire blackness was sucked back down. The sand around you began to swirl as the winds started to pick up. “I must go help.” Ardeth nodded towards Faraj.

“Not without me, you’re not.” You grabbed onto his saddle when he tried to climb up.

“______--”

“They’re my family, Ardeth. If they need help, I’m going, too.”

You couldn’t decipher the look on his face as he sighed and helped you up behind him, making sure to stay mindful of Horus and your injury.

Faraj handed you and Ardeth the swords you’d dropped, and after a terse exchange between the two men, you and Ardeth took off. Behind you, you could see the rest of the Medjai warriors collect their weapons, along whatever horses were left, and start off in the opposite direction.

Another explosion and you tightened your grip around Ardeth, pressing the side of your face against his back. You could feel him tense beneath your fingers, but at the rate you were traveling, you were afraid to loosen your hold, lest you fall off.

One tumble off a horse was enough for the day.

It wasn’t long after you’d taken off that the oasis seemed to implode. From where you were, sand and dust shot up into the sky from its center. It was as if the earth had taken the entire thing back into itself.

“There!” You pointed up, seeing the dirigible escape the falling debris. “They made it!”

Ardeth sighed. “We can wave them down in a moment.”

“Considering the last time that thing ‘landed’ I’m not sure it’d be worth it for them to stop. They might never get it back up again.”

“How will you--” he turned as best he could to see your face. “______?”

“I…” You dropped your gaze for a moment before looking back up at him. “I’ve been running from a lot, for a long time.” You bit your lip. “I was hoping that maybe you and I could nest together?” You had planned on saying more, but he cut you off, kissing you as best he could twisted around in a saddle.

“I will help you find your peace.” He pressed his forehead to your own as one of his hands found one of yours, lacing his fingers over the top of yours.

Horus’s chirp of agreement had you both grinning.

And yes, orphans and falcons everywhere!

Also, come talk to me about this fic—did you love it, hate it, feel kinda meh about it? Your favorite part? I want to know!!! Tell me all the things!!!

#the mummy #the mummy returns #fanfic #ardeth bay fanfic #ardeth bay x reader #ardeth bay #scruff's stuff

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ladyrosesblog · 1 month

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WARNING: This Turned Out To Be A Slightly Long Rant About How Much I Love This Performance, Stevie Nicks And Fleetwood Mac. As Well As Other Musicians And Some Stripped Back Details Of My Personal Life And Experience As A Musician. You Absolutely Don’t Have To Read Or Interact With This Post In Any Way If You Don’t Want To, Also Knowing Me This May Be Edited And Added To In The Future.

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This Song Has A Chokehold On Me It Really Speaks To Me As Someone Who Has Felt This Way And It Is Engraved Into My Mind, Heart And Soul. This Song Really Makes Me Feel A Kind Of Way And Is Both Soul Crushing And Heart Healing For Me. Stevie Nicks Has Inspired Me And Captured Me Since I Was A Small Child, As Has Fleetwood Mac. As A Musician Myself Who Also Writes Songs In The Rock Genre Seeing People Like Her And Christine As Well As Joan Jett, Heart, The Pretty Reckless (Fronted By Taylor Momsen), Halestorm (Fronted By Lzzy Hale) And Evanescence (Fronted By Amy Lee) And Others Made Me Feel Good About Being A Woman Who Wants To Pursue The Rock/Metal Zone Of Music And Made Me Feel Like I Could Really Go For Something And Succeed. I Will Always Cherish Songs Like Silver Springs, What They Have Done To Me In Terms Of Emotional Reaction, Inspiration And Just Getting Me Trough Shit! Life Is Tough And Music Has Always Been A Source Of Comfort For Me And Seeing Females Do Well In These Genres Has And Will Continue To Inspire And Fuel Me, Part Of Why I Am Who I Am Today And Why I Believe I’m Still Here Is Music And Seeing Women Create Magic In Rock And Metal And Seeing Myself In Them And In Their Work.

I Hope To Write, Perform And Create The Same Magic In A Future Song Of Mine The Way That Stevie Did! And I Hope To Speak My Truth Through My Music In This Same Hauntingly Beautiful Way. Stevie Nicks I Love You And You Saved Me, The Band Did Too But This Woman Gave Me Some Special Kind Of Confidence, Love And Respect For Myself And The Belief That I Can Go Out There And Do It. I Will Always Be Grateful And Thankful To Fleetwood Mac For Existing Especially Stevie… And I’m Thankful To The Other Rock/Metal Musicians Specially In This Case The Women For Contributing To My Happiness And My Passion For Success In Music And Also In Life. 🩷✨

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lez-exclude-men · 1 year

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Hello. So this is a question i'm going to send to multiple radfem blogs. What would you say is a crucially important role women have in society that isn't childbirther/care taker? I've asked this on other sites and it has so far stunned everyone, and i hate the idea that my existence is only valued because i can be used as a broodmare. So i'm looking for any answers other than that. How would society crumble without women?

Uh women are people? We build and create, we're smart and resourceful.

This question is so weird like.

"a crucially important role" - what do you consider "crucially important"? Women are engineers and architects, biologists and artists, craftspeople and artisans. Women can build bridges and dams, create councils and grow food, test soil samples and track the migration of geese. We're capable of performing every crucial role in society.

"Women" - why are you asking this question singling out women? What crucially important role do MEN play in society that can't be done by a woman? Why do we as women need to justify our existence?

"in society" - what is your definition of society? Because, at least in my interpretation of your question, you're conflating advanced modern society with evolutionary "purpose".

You say you hate the idea that your existence is only valued because you can be used as a broodmare. Here's my suggestion: get a gun, then go shoot whoever told you that. Then pursue whichever career or hobby interest you, travel, taste new foods, talk to different people, explore new areas. Your purpose in life is what you want it to be. We have approximately 60-80 years to spend on this earth. Breathe. Drink water. Touch grass. Plant grass. Plant different grass. Maybe plant some flowers. Watch the bees and butterflies pollinate them. Hear the thunder and witness the lightning as a storm waters the grass. Feel the rain on your skin. Marvel in the simple wonders of the world, and take pride in knowing you helped something flourish. Or don't. Do something else, something that has meaning to you, something that inspires you, something that makes you laugh, makes you cry, teaches you something. Ride a horse, write a letter, draft plans for an art museum (ik I've used several engineering examples, I'm just literally in an architectural engineering studio keeping my best friend company while she figures out how to put air ducts in an art museum. Lol)

Society is one of those words that means something slightly different to almost everybody. According to Google one definition is "the aggregate of people living together in a more or less ordered community". I like this one. People just living together, doing things together. You are people, I am people. The amount of structure and order in how we live together can vary, but what matters is that we're together. We love each other, hate each other, feel ambivalent about each other. But we're all here, at the same time. Isn't that marvelous?

Which brings me to how you mentioned the "caretaker" role. Humans are social creatures, we thrive in taking care of each other. I think it is stupid to consider this a gendered thing. Everyone interacts with someone, everyone can take care of someone. Many radfems get angry because men to take care of only other men, while women tend to take care of everyone. And sometimes we don't want men to take care of other men because we think some men don't deserve it. We struggle with how society is currently structured, forcing women into a lower class. Most radfems I know combat this in their daily life by uplifting other women, making sure their needs are met. We want to see each other succeed and be healthy and enjoying life. But ultimately, when there are people existing together, no matter if they're men or women, there will be society, and someone will be taking care of someone else. Men are caretakers too. Humans are caretakers, because that's what being a social creature is.

On that note, what does your community directly around you need? What struggles and issues are your neighbors facing? If you're struggling for purpose, this is another good place to start. How can you make life better not just for yourself, but for your neighbors too? Talk to people outside of the internet, get to know their struggles and passions, needs and wants. Share your own. Find out what matters to you and your neighbors, and what you can do towards that goal or issue.

"How would society crumble without women?" How would society crumble without men? Would society crumble without men? Does it matter?

We can spend hours coming up with imaginary situations and philosophizing. And perhaps there is some value in that. But right now, my best friend wants my opinion on which floorplan incorporates air ducts in the most tasteful way without disrupting the utility of the museum's main room. So I'm going to go participate in society by offering her my opinion, and I hope you find some purpose, however big or small, in your part of society as well.

#lezpost #radfem #answered #ask #anon #feminism

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whenthechickencry · 3 months

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Umineko EP6. Replay Part 2

Rosa still has conflicted feelings about Maria's dad.... which is quite sad. You are in your entire right to hate him Rosa common, but she hates herself so damaging her is ultimately something she can forgive.

These scenes make me sigh out loud so often. It wasn't a trial of love Rosa. You never deserved it and you are never going to get rewarded for it. It's just so sad to me to see how stuck she is.... but like she says she doesn't have the privilege to just forget. She has Maria and her debt as constant reminders. "If she was able to succeed in paying back the loan, ...he might acknowledge her usefulness as wife" God damn it Rosa aaaaa.....

Rosa talks about how she sees Kyrie as an inspiration... after 18 years of waiting in hell her miracle succeeded. Of course, as we just saw, Kyrie is not in fact remotely happy. I think it's easy when you are in a shitty situation to see someone who is, from your perspective, just doing slightly better than you with jealously or goals, because truly happy people don't trigger admiration, they trigger resentment and sadness, since true happiness seems so impossible to you.

Again, the way the Umineko women always see themselves or other women to blame for their misfortune, and not the actual men literally doing it, is so sad. Rosa would rather see herself at fault and hate herself than put the entire blame on the man who caused this. Rosa then talks about how she feels guilty about dragging Maria to hell with her and wishes she was dead.

Zepar Furfur and co start talking about how winning or dying during love is better than staying in between. In other words, you either get with the person you want or you kill that love or else you will suffer, as Sayo did as well. Also, narration describes her youth as the most blissful part of her life... hahahaahah ahhaa ahahaha..... god damn it that's so sad. Diplomatic Immunity? In other words, Kanon is a fictional character in Mariage Sorciere, so he is not allowed to attack other members of it. I forgot how blatant they were here.

Shannon jumps in and still can't attack Maria directly but just kind of crushes Shannon to death with her barrier. Also she needs permission from Maria and she's like "oh this will fuck with Erika" so it can be read as the fake murder plan being explained to Maria, if taken out of meta, haha. Beatrice chooses Natsuhi monologues about how uh, the misogyny her mom faced gives her strength to face the misogyny from Krauss when Beatrice begins immediately talking about the baby she couldn't bear(....). Narration makes the argument she is choosing this because she thinks she made Battler's life hell but uh, no I think there is a simpler reason. She wants her own answers. Beatrice, the human, possesses a weakness to mirror, meaning that isn't part of the Beatrice mythology, the was before meaning Sayo hates seeing her face in the mirror....

Something about how Natsuhi is wielding the mirror - the representation of Sayo's self-hatred and damaging her with it, and how Natsuhi launched the wheels of fate that eventually ended up with Sayo's own fucked up views about herself.... Beatrice was about to lose in her love trial, the part of Sayo that loved Battler was about to go extinct..... when he suddenly comes at the moment that fills her with the most self-doubt in her head.

Battler realizes grooming is bad, it's at least good to see how fast he realized he was hurting her and changes his behavior compared to the other 5 games of torture.

Hachijo and Ange have a talk about how often love is repeated on the tale and how it almost certainly means something - in other words please don't ignore all of these scenes and look into the deeper reasons, why Kanon can't attack Sakutarou, why only one of Shannon/Kanon/Beatrice can find love, why Beatrice doesn't like mirrors, etc. It is the thickest book of answers by now. Erika was literally sleeping through it which maybe shows why her answers suck and why she's kind of a shitty detective. Erika is stripped of the identity she so treasures in order to go along with Bernkastel's trap to screw Battler over.... something she clearly doesn't want to do but. Ange and Featherine really are giving reading comprehension 101 classes lmfao.

Dlanor and Erika lay it pretty thick that the issue with Erika last game was that she didn't check the corpses, aka they were playing dead, Dlanor warns Erika that her eyes can e fooled now so Erika knows she needs to murder everyone later. Haha, I mean, yeah.

The fact this game wouldn't incorporate Sayo's truth at all and would be pretty easy to see through if Bernkastel and Erika didn't get up to their tricks.... yeah that was definitely an intentional play on Battler's part. It wouldn't be a game to prove that he understood the game if he never played with something that required his knowledge of Beatrice, you know? So the fact that the solution after being 'tricked' by Erika DOES require that.... They were 'culprits' aka co-conspirators in the plan, but still, he probably could have gotten away with that red truth -it would just be a little unfair.

How much the narrative talks about Erika controlling the narrative because of this and that.... it's really funny to think all of them are only listening to her bc they are doing an epic prank on her.

This scene is really tender.... the roles are reversed and Battler is waiting for a miracle, which as we know will happen in this game, actually. So unlike the harrowing versions of this scene that were Beatrice trying to coach Battler it feels a lot more positive and tender. Also sets up that Battler probably did the logic error in order to bet on Beatrice solving it for him...

Bern makes it obvious she really, really, hates Beatrice specifically and starts her fooling Battler plan.

They start acting really obviously when Battler gets into the room, haha, Erika starts playing the poor little victim that just needs some help card, and Bernkastel uh, honestly acts around the same she's being extremely abusive but that's normal for her she's just using harsher words and less mental manipulation.

Dlanor is actually the one that lays down the trap.... which ends up being a trap for Erika and Bernkastel you know but.

Erika: Thank you so much for assisting with my performance

Bernkastel: ...Plus I wasn't acting.

Damn. Bernkastel just like nw i was abusing youf for reals lol, bye. Dlanor berates Battler for such a fatal move... it's very fatal for Erika alright.

Jessica talks about how it would be nice if everyone's love could be fulfilled and Zepar and Furfur mention the Golden Land.... George rejects it harshly and Battler speaks of it on a sort of sad note, it is sad that's what Sayo ended up choosing for herself...

The room splitting begins and Erika walks to her tomb throughout all of this,,, kind of sad to have Battler acknowledge her skills when she's walking into the biggest mistake of her life.

That's uh - flying a little close to the sun Battler! Like yes that's what happened but that's a very big hint!

Erika can't help but start gloating as soon as Battler was forced to say everyone, even when, again, that will be her downfall.... everything she does in this episode is leading to her failure it's kind of sad to see.

Yeah, pieces such as Sayo and her characters.... he's foreshadowing the move he will pretend to be the thing that 'saves' him from the logic error already.

Ange and Featherine start explaining what a Logic Error is. Ange starts freaking out and Featherine can point he can just change the trick... which is what he's going to do after a while, actually, but in a4d chess way. Oh no, she is Lambda, you have far too much faith in her, Battler is betting on Erika to be a smug loser and she absolutely is a smug loser. Lambda kind of shits on him for playing with luck, which he absolutely is, but it's consistent with how Erika acts, so....

Battler denies Battler not being anywhere in the room, that fucks up his trick so of course he is going to force her to look before he says anything. Erika makes the fatal mistake of trying to be smug and leave the closet for last in order to own Battler in a fancy way which is going to be her downfall. Erika gets epically pranked, giving Kanon plenty of time to jump into the room and for Battler to set up his Logic Error-Redemption and be saved by Kanon. Battler confirms he was betting on this exact course of action.....

Battler begins talking about hoping for the greatest miracle. Just as Beatrice had trapped herself in an endless torture game in order to get Battler to realize an answer, it is time for Battler to set up endless torture on himself to guide Beatrice to the answer....

Lambdadelta can't help but warn Battler against locking himself in endless torture haha.... there's a reason why they get the power of certainty in EP8!

Battler talks about his games with Beatrice and tells Beatrice that believing will bring about a miracle, in other words, Battler is now Beatrice and Beatrice is now Battler. Erika is so fucking Normal in this scene.... she's so scared that there won't be a logic error haha.... she's just fucking squirming here.

We do the fake fanfare with even Ange joining in, and then Bern and Erika cut him out... also we have a monologue of Lambda being impressed by Battler and accepting defeat. Which is kind of funny as 1. it's crashing down 2. the real miracle hasn't been summoned. These guys are playing so many layers of tricks lmfao. Erika reveals she killed everyone after this.

I do think Battler's disgust at this was probably a bit real though - I am not sure he would enjoy his prank game being turned into a real murder case especially since he's probably trying to come to terms with his family as complete people ala what he was doing in EP8 for Ange but for himself. Even if he suspected it was coming.

Erika is cute when she's excited and happy that her murder and torture plan came through.

Battler is prompting Beatrice to create the answer - I don't really believe Battler can't figure this out on his own. If you already understand the logic that Kanon and Shannon can be there while not physically being there due their nature, it's not hard to extend that logic.

Lambda....

Beato swears he will come to save Battler, and Battler has to wait for his thousand years for the miracle.

We get a ton of details on Sayo as a person here, actually, and Lambda is a sweety and can't help but help someone waiting with certainty for the impossible.

"I still believe he will come back"..... obviously, the love trial is currently representing the years in between Battler leaving. Hahaha, yeah, ahahaha.

Faetherine plays the role of R07 to a very annoyed reader-ange. Also, it's kind of impressive how even smaller lines like this work so well. Neither Takano nor Satoko counted the years during their hell. Rika, of course, wasn't the game master of Higurashi.... a lot of this went over my head when I first played because I hadn't played Higurashi before.

They don't have a lot of nice things to say about Hanyuu in this house, it seems.... Hanyuu is a very interesting character with a fucked up relationship to Rika, as well, but that's not really for right now...

This scene is so interesting as an exploration of trauma from all parties.... Erika shoots back at Lambdadelta for this by saying it's not that time spent in hell but the depth of that hell that counts, and that her hell is no less meaningful than hers, their hell was escapable, her hell isn't. She can only accept the truth but can never escape it. She brings up Bernkastel's past to her and she snaps and Erika pities her for having to always be escaping her hell and never being able to accept it....

Erika monologues about how much she will enjoy being the one defiling Battler and Beatrice by getting in between them instead of being the one that is being defiled.... Would suck to hear that if, say, the person you love disappeared entirely from your life, wouldn't it. If Battler isn't coming it's because Sayo doesn't have enough love.

Zepar and Furfur hammer more that the love trial is the hint that we are getting and Shannon and Kanon decide to have the duel, Zepar/Furfur point out that they thought George Jessica would have the duel - but obviously, the one with the body, Sayo, has to make the actual choice. No one else can make that choice for her. God this scene has such a feel.... just the tense feeling leading to the duel, the hints they are dropping such as Sayo's age.... ......

If they both die, both of their loves will be made complete... and it's very sad to think of how Sayo must have felt to reach that answer....

Gaap, Ronnove, and Ronove reconstruct the locked room, and Gaap says "It doesn't matter who's here. We need to find out how to escape" which is.... exactly wrong. We get the red truth confirming that Kanon's room window was in fact intact. They use bureaucracy to dodge Gaap's questioning about Shannon's room window seals, which the answer won't, technically, use.

Featherine blurts out the answer after saying she doesn't have it, ahaha. Featherine points out this solution will reveal the heart to Beatrice's heart and may never be used again.

Bern bets on the fact Erika will win because Battler wouldn't use a trick that reveals so much of Beato's heart and Lambda calls her naive and affirms that Battler will lay her to rest. The fact Battler is being sold off as property and literally being forced to serve Erika until the end of time with the ring exchange is very interesting to me. Zepar and Furfur giving talks about how incredible love is is very ironic here, In other words, Sayo needs to let go of their personas and become one, full person in order to be loved and to love.... the wording of sub-human still makes me sad even if I know what is meant though.

Furfur and Zepar really are hammering the answers though.... The fact Kanon loses of course represents that Sayo had already chosen George over Jessica.... and that Battler fucked things upby coming back. Jessica's cries are so sad.... Chick-Beato was so close to disappearing.... so close to being able to move on.... and yet....Reading Sayo's monologue on why she created Beatrice is so sad "You are to love him in my place, and if fate allows it, be loved by him."

#umiepisode6 #umineko

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