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solitudeintheheart · 9 months

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I got this idea in my head and it's literally drowning me. It's a toxic thing with Konig, so if you don't wanna write that, I totally get it, just ignore it. (Your blog feeds my obsession 💀)

The team gets sent on a mission to debunk some cartel or smth and a long the way they run into a girl who was being held captive w the bad guys and since Konig finds her first, he saves her and since she has no one else, she clings to him and he is just obsessed with her. Like someone so innocent just attached herself to his hip and only trusts him and it makes him crazy for her because he's never had anyone like that. He tries hard in missions to get back to her, she waits up and keeps his bed warm so she knows he's okay. Anyone disrespects her? Dead. Talk about her in anyway but perfect? Dead. Touch her? Deader than dead. He's her savior and she's his girl. That's just how it is.

Perfect, perfect, perfect! A lovely request from your majesty. You really are a shining beacon to the kingdom, and I will happily accept!

I present to you…

STUCK LIKE GLUE

PART ONE | PART TWO HERE (2.0k words)

CW: guns, mentions of possible abuse, but other than that, just fluff

“These low-lives really like to run around and hide, don’t they Colonel?” Horangi speaks in a quiet tone as the Kortac team walks through a mountain-range forest. They were sent to catch a bunch of cartel-nobodies in the middle of a trade-off by surprise, but after the unit’s location was continuously found out, they had been on a wild goose-chase ever since.

“Ja, but we will get them this time. I feel it in my bones.” He had a confident tone, and his voice was raspy. “Let’s split up, we will find their transaction site faster that way.” König began to walk through the bushes, trying to make his steps as light as possible. His gun aimed and ready for anything that would pop out, he walked until he came across a small, worn-down shed. He hid behind a tree and saw a man sitting outside on his phone; he was probably supposed to guard the shed, but the lack of more security arose suspicions. He aimed his gun and fired, and the man fell to the ground. His eyes scanned the perimeter for any other enemies, and he determined everything was all clear. He walked to the side of the shed and peeked through the window, where he saw a woman with her hands and legs tied together. She lay on a tattered mattress, and it honestly seemed like she hadn’t had a bath in days, her only clothes were her undergarments. He looked inside the rest of the shed and saw no one else, so he walked back around to the door and opened it quietly. With the door now wide open, the woman backed away into the corner and trembled at the sight of such a large, hooded man before her.

“Please…please just leave me alone…” Her voice was shaky, and her eyes began to well up with tears. What had she really gone though?

“Do not worry, miss, I am not here to hurt you,” He stepped closer with as much gentleness as possible, trying his best to not scare her any further. He crouched low to the ground and laid his gun down, his hands in front of his chest with his palms facing her. “I am here to help you get out, if you will let me…?” He removed his glove and reached over to undo her restraints. She looked at his rough, coarse hands covered in calluses, and although it wasn’t the prettiest sight, she suddenly felt safe. Maybe this guy really could give her a home.

Once the ropes fell to the floor, she threw herself onto him in a tight hug. König couldn’t fathom the possible atrocities that were committed to this woman, and just thinking about them made him want to hug her back, but tighter.

“Colonel, we found the location. Where are you?” Horangi’s voice came through a radio on König’s chest, and he pressed a button on it to respond.

“I found one hostage in a shed. A woman,”

“They have hostages?” Horangi sighed quietly on the other end.

“I only saw one, but who knows if there will be more. Let’s just hope there aren’t.” König asked for the coordinates and looked down at the woman who was now staring at him.

“I need you to come with me so I can keep you safe, but we will be going near the bad men. Are you alright with that? You’ll have to obey my orders if you don’t want to get hurt.” His eyes softened for her, she looked around and bit her finger trying to make a decision.

“A-alright…” She said, and she was suddenly swept off her feet. König carried her bridal style so her bare feet wouldn’t scratch on the forest ground. To someone like her, he looked like a god; her savior in her darkest time. The entire time she was carried, she looked at him with awe.

“I need you to stay low and quiet, okay?” He placed her down a little far away and he patted her hair. He peeked up from the plants and regrouped with the rest, his hand gesturing forward for the entire unit to start moving towards the abandoned building where the trade-off was taking place. She looked through the shrubs and watched as they all surrounded the building and then bursted in. She cupped her hands over her ears when the sound of gunfire and yelling that seemed to last forever took place, and she worried if her savior wouldn’t make it out alive. What if he gets killed, or worse, what if he gets taken like she did? She waited until the gunfire stopped and she ran to the building, her feet getting scratched and cut by the sticks on the ground. She slammed the door open and looked inside, panting. Multiple guns were pointed at her out of caution.

“Warte, don’t hurt her!” König’s voice boomed through the building and everyone immediately put their guns down. Her eyes welled up with tears, and just as her knees were about to give in, he rushed to her side and held her up.

“I-I thought something bad happened to you…!” She clung to his shirt and cried into his chest; her sobs could break the hearts of people who didn’t even know what was going on. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry all she wanted.

“Who is this?” They all began to walk closer, curious as to who had tamed the wild beast that was König.

“The single hostage,” He crouched down so they were now eye level and took off his gloves, his hands held her face. “Did you really think I’d let something bad happen to me? I’m tougher than I look, Liebling.”

What a spectacle it was to see König being gentle with someone, as the only side they’ve seen of him was one full of bloodshed and gore. Now it almost seemed as if flowers were growing around him.

“Do you have a home to go to?” He asked, and she shook her head.

“I had a father, but he was killed for not paying off his debts. It’s just me…” Her voice was still shaky, but she was no longer crying. He nodded and picked her up once again, he turned around to look at his team.

“She will come back to base with us, and I will take care of her. If any of you even try something, I’ll tear your limbs off one by one.” By his eyes alone, everyone could tell he wasn’t joking. This lost puppy has found its new owner, and he will make sure she never loses her way again.

————————

The ride back to base was silent, not because it was awkward, but because the team knew that if they even peeped a word and woke the girl, they’d regret it later. She was carried to König’s room and was sat down on a chair, König kneeled down in front of her as she rubbed her eyes.

“Do you think you have enough energy for a bath?” He asked while looking up at her. She nodded and stood up, he led her to the bathroom. He turned on the water and let the tub fill up before wondering how she was going to wash herself without getting hurt. It seems as though he really has taken her for a helpless animal that he came across, wounded and forlorn.

“I’ll look away while you undress and get in the tub. Make sure to sit with your back towards me so I can wash your hair.” He took off his gear and looked at the wall as he heard the sounds of clothes falling to the ground. There were small splashes of water when she stepped in, and it finally grew quiet.

“Alright, you can turn around now.” He turned around and sat on the floor of the bathroom so he wouldn’t accidentally see her naked body. He reached forward and splashed water on her hair before pumping shampoo in his hands and lathering it all over. He made sure to be gentle as his fingers massage her scalp, her head bounced backwards every so often from nearly falling asleep.

“Can you wash your body yourself?” He asked quietly and she nodded. She put body wash on her hands and foamed it up as she rubbed it on her upper body. Once he saw that she finished, he grabbed the shower head and rinsed her hair and body off.

“You can dry off now, I’ll wait outside.” He grabbed a towel and handed it to her, those small hands grabbing it with grace contrasting his rough hold. After König left the bathroom, he sat on the couch and leaned back, rubbing his eyes. This girl was now his responsibility, but he surprisingly wasn’t complaining. Normally he would prefer to not have to watch over someone twenty-four seven, but she was an exception.

She walked out of the bathroom with the towel on, but her hair dropped water on the floor. How could he forget to get her clothes? He rose up quickly and looked through his wardrobe, trying to find something for her to wear before she gets sick from the cold. He yanked out a large t-shirt and sweatpants and handed them to her.

“Are you alright with wearing this without undergarments? I’ll take you to buy some tomorrow after my mission, so don’t fret.” He gave her the clothes when she nodded, and he turned around, listening for the sound of fabric grazing against her skin. She tapped his shoulder and he shifted his body back towards her. His clothes fit very loosely on her, and the sweatpants were clearly big, but it would have to do for tonight.

“You can sleep on my bed for the night. I’ll set up some blankets down on the floor.” He looked under his bed and took out a box full of blankets, opening it and setting them down on the floor.

“No, I couldn’t…I’d feel bad,”

“And I’d feel worse if you don’t.” He looked up at her, he was kneeling on the floor trying to straighten out each of the blankets before she unsuccessfully tried to pick him up by the arm.

“Then let’s both sleep on the bed. Please?” She had those same eyes when he first found her, and as if some gravitational pull attracted him to her, he didn’t hesitate to move onto the bed and lay her down next to him. They were face to face when he laid down, taking in all of her facial features while the only thing the girl could look at were his eyes.

“I have to go wash up as well, so you should fall asleep first, alright?” He brushed the hair on her face behind her ear and sat up. “Oh, and don’t worry if you don’t see me next morning, my mission starts early. I’ll come back quickly, though.” He smiled and stood up, making his way to the bathroom.

————————

König stumbled to his quarters and opened the door, the girl lay on his bed sleeping peacefully. It had been around a month since she had come into his life, and he had already grown accustomed to her. He took a shower and walked back out to the bed, he lay himself in front of her and enveloped her in his arms. Her eyes fluttered open to see a maskless König, which she had the privilege of seeing weeks before, and she cuddled closer to him.

“When did you get back?” Her voice was quiet and muffled against his chest.

“Around thirty or forty minutes ago. You should go back to sleep.” He kissed her forehead and massaged her back, allowing her breathing to be his lullaby. She may have thought him her savior, but to him, this woman was his downfall. His only weakness was a girl who had looked to him for the comfort of a home.

#call of duty #call of duty fanfic #cod mw2 #fanfic #konig call of duty #konig mw2 #konig smut #konig x reader #konig modern warfare #könig cod #konig cod #könig fanfiction #könig call of duty #könig modern warfare #könig #könig mw2

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artfulacrostic · 10 months

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had my second high definition viewing of atsv in the theater today and here are my favorite details that i missed due to being overwhelmed on my first viewing:

LONG AF POST:

-gwen is literally wearing a rainbow shaped trans pride pin on her jacket with her prom outfit. she's soooo so canon trans <3

-captain stacy HAS A TRANS FLAG PATCH ON HIS POLICE UNIFORM JACKET?????? when i'm telling u my eyes popped out of my head 😳 SHES SO CANON TRANS!!!

-poster outside miles's guidance counselor's office reads: "visions sciences: telling you your story".

-parallel of miles's and gwen's dad kicking things out of general exasperation towards the beginning and end of the movie respectively

-when miles as spidey is talking to his dad and giving him advice (for himself) there's a reference to miles possibly reading vonnegut? (maybe in class??) "if this isn't nice what is" is a collection of kurt vonnegut's commencement speeches. (literally subtitled "advice to the young". the writers were extremely clever for this reference. if not reading it in class, miles has been searching up life advice on his own)

-i barely caught this but i'm PRETTY sure that in miles' room near his door there's a MICHELLE OBAMA presidential race sticker??? was president obama in the earth-1610 dimension michelle obama?? iconic if so

-fedex on earth-1610 is REDEX

-gayatri seems like they took elements of both gwen (police dad) and mj (young model) for her background as i believe i caught her visible on a "zomato" ad billboard (which appears to be the earth-50101 version of ubereats)

-i spent all of hobie's scenes trying to pick up the details of his many pins; but the only one that i could really make out with the quick shot changes besides the union jack pin was the one right above it, which is a three-leaf clover. i wondered if maybe it had some kind of significance to maybe irish independence or smth but i couldn't find anything online that backed that up so not sure what it means. if u know pls drop it in the replies.

-hobie's boots are definitely NOT ladder laced. i KNOW there is concept art and poster art of him with ladder laces but in the actual movie they are 100% crossed. also unlike the poster art, both boots have blue laces, not one blue, one yellow/orange. i wanted to be all on board the ladder lace code train but i'm pretty sure they just made his laces blue so that they could contrast against the red boots and be spidey colors. they probably abandoned the ladder lace part of the visual when someone realized what blue ladder laces meant in lace code. "HAS hobie killed a cop," you ask? given his comic backstory i'd say the odds are HIGH. but i would bet they didn't want people to think that since he's gone through canon event asm-90 ("a police captain close to spider-man is killed by falling rubble during a battle with a nemesis") that there's any possibility THAT was the cop he killed and he's proud of it (since it's supposed to be all abt character development from the ✨trauma✨ of the event)

-during the whole "intervention" scene, while all the other spider-people are facing directly in towards miles and miguel from wherever they are standing in the circle, hobie is the only one whose back is turned. he watches most of the scene over his shoulder. also, during a couple shots facing miles before the entire society of spiders show up, hobie is separated in the shot from all the other main spiders (Peter B, Gwen, Jess, etc) BY MILES. he is visible over one shoulder and everybody else is visible over the other. these two details are great signals of hobie having already MORALLY turned his back on miguel's authoritarianism, as well as giving a nice inverted "devil/angel on the shoulders" nod.

-peter b asks miguel to take a picture of him and mayday since it's her first chase; miguel brushes him off but mayday understands and uses her webshooter to click the camera button on peter b's phone and take a selfie without him noticing 😂😂😂 shes everything to me

-when miguel is pinning miles to the train, after gwen and peter b have caught up, there is a very fast moment when miles calls for help ("PETER!!") and peter doesn't reply to him, but calls out to miguel to calm down (smth like that) instead 🥲 peter for the love of god step up your mentor game and look out for this kid i can't handle it anymore

-when gwen takes the watch hobie made her out of the box, the screen is briefly visible and reads "project botleg". bootleg -> bot -> "botleg"; I SEE YOU HOBIE. people think he's so cool (and he is!!) but he's also just as much of a dork as all the other spiders. what a goofball

-in miles-42's room, a speed bag/speed ball/maize ball is attached to his wall near the door. there are other substantial differences to their rooms, but i think this is clearly a reference to uncle aaron-42's large presence in miles-42's life, given the association from both movies of aaron with the punching bag and miles getting guidance from him/looking to him for support.

-in addition to all the miles-1610 vs miles-42 prowler vs spidey reflection imagery in the end credits, guess who else has several moments of flashing from spider-man colors (red and black at least) to prowler colors (purple and green)?? miguel, that's who. miguel and miles-42/uncle aaron-42 team-up in beyond the spiderverse? or just an extra parallel for the antagonists sharing goals/possibly methods?

OKAY ANYWAY if ppl want i can try and dig up images of some of these but i figured that would make this post long af so that's all for now folks!! go see across the spider verse again and marvel at how much more fine detail you find like me 🕸🕸🕸

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friendlymathematician · 9 months

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Genuine question: How do you overcome the feeling/idea that you're inherently bad at STEM because you're a woman?

OK so i grew up with an older brother (older by 1 year) and my mom always pushed him to do better at maths & physics especially because he showed interest in computer science, when it came to me she'd always say "oh dont bother with that, your brother is better at that stuff" " that stuff is too hard just pick something easy"... even though i got better grades than him, and she always encouraged him to perform better in school because she 100% believed he could amount to smth great, whereas she'd just say "well this is just what you're capable of" whnever i got a bad grade. She literally would say "you just don't have the brains for it"

I don't resent my brother, he always pushed me to do better and get better grades, he encouraged me to pick the hardest like "field" during high school. My dad would always nurture my love of physics and science in general, and he would say "i dont want you to be limited, just work hard".

But the way my mom treated me still affected me i think, sometimes i find myself still genuinely believing men are better than me just because theyre men.

I figured you could give some advice since youre in STEM yourself ?

oh, this is difficult. i have similar stories, although a different family dynamic. in my case, i was told (by my mother) that i was only good at things because i worked hard, while my brother was simply naturally good at them. now, you could argue this is a good thing (growth mindset and so on), but there are two issues that arise. first, most stem fields have some level of a genius cult. being effortlessly good at them is what you're supposed to do, while working hard is not enough unless you have the genius too. this is especially pronounced in maths/physics/computer science. second, the "you're only good at it because you work hard" hits very different when you're not actually working hard.

i think it can be partly ameliorated by surrounding yourself with women (take classes with female instructors, look for active "women in x" groups and activities, make an effort to be friends with other women who also like stem). another thing that helps is to be able to point at actual accomplishments when the doubt creeps in. these can be either from your education (yes, you did do really well in that analysis class) or informal accomplishments (from working with your field as a hobby).

i do think a lot of the advantage males have in stem classes is that they're encouraged to obtain these informal accomplishments already as teenagers, which both give them some knowledge and experience you can't get from formal instruction and give them personal "wins" to point to when things get difficult. so pick up amateur radio, or try your hand at building an app, or solve project euler problems, or see how many different kinds of frog species you can find. there's this pop-psych idea that you build confidence in the abstract and then accomplishments follow, but i'm entirely convinced it's the other way around. confidence comes from doing things. spending 20 hours trying to figure out how to set up a pi-hole in your apartment (even if 18 of those hours are spent doing it wrong) builds a lot more confidence in your abilities with computers than spending 20 hours trying to convince yourself that you're just as capable as a man.

anyone else want to chime in with tips for anon?

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frankenbridez · 4 months

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pondering my orb (s2 + s3 concepts)

i usually hate deviating from canon, because i feel like it provides a good skeleton for my s/i to just pop into the story, but s2. bad. im sooo mad about how they scrapped luke last minute like grahhhh! he's not the most interesting character but when u clearly set him up to help clem it's like !!! i can fix it i can fix it ! 🔨💥

i like to imagine that he can get out from the lake - with the help of bonnie + jenn. i've been toying with an idea where jenn might replace luke's canon death as an optional death, such is the standard for tell.tale games ~_~

in the final fight 💥💥💥☝️ ITS BETWEEN LUKE AND KENNY LIKE ORIGINALLY PLANNED OK. i haven't fleshed this part out much since we know the original fight happened because jane hid aj and she was trying to prove smth. in jane's place, jenn + ellie would be with aj, lost in the blizzard somewhere nearby. this makes kenny snap as he thinks luke let them run away or caused harm to aj.

maybe somewhere in the middle of s3 - before meeting javier and everyone else, they get split up due to a herd - which is where clem's new frontier story comes in. i've been thinking of incorporating ellie's lore where she finds out she was supposed to be a cure (hence the tension), i don't know if that just overstuffs s3 with conflict ~_~; but it's something that i think abt occasionally !

when javier walks into conrad's bar the first time, he sees jenn + ellie sitting in one of the corners - they arrived a day or two before he did 💭 and jenn's like ooooohhh. loser with a mullet 🫵 but javi's like. ooooooh. bulldog brows 🫵 IM KIDDING. they're like 'i can tell him abt my thrilling highschool softball career (straight zeroes all season)'

#franken.txt #im still playing thru s3 soooo ill think of more as i go thru the game ^_^

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beautifulpersonpeach · 1 year

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Ive been following the smkakaohybe drama since you wrote your post abt it and its so crazy like a real lief drama 😭😭 i dont work in corporate so i didnt know that shit could get like this lmao is it always this dramatic??? like the sm ceo dude really released a two part video now like youtubers do when they want to “tell their truth” lmaolmao i feel like sm ceo dude really is scrambling bec this is so unprofessional??? like lsm the dude who started all this mess is doing better than him just releasing written statements lmao are the videos supposed to help with the shareholders or its just for public pr??? the ceo threatening bang to release a record lf their phone call??? in Public??? as an outsider the whole thing is lookin more and more like a petty family squabble on thanksgiving bw the two sm parties and kakao and hybe are the unsuspecting partners dragged into it unknowingly or smth lmao

but fr tho i feel like hybe bit more than they can chew bec this has gotten a lot messier than people could possibly have thought last week lol i feel bad for the employees and artists tho bec whether its hybe or kakao things are gonna change and maybe therell be firings too

***

Ask 2: the pink blood shit is wild tho like it sounds like a cult lmao i know armys joke abt being purple blooded but the pink blood is wild to me bec imagine stanning lsm and sm as a company stan 😭 what the hell is happening over there there might be smth in the water???

Ask 3: That video was interesting for so many reasons. But the most surprising thing was the breakdown in ticket pricing between sm groups and hybe. Was that supposed to be a drag for hybe?

***

Hi Anon(s),

I really have nothing else to add beyond what I've said already, except to use what Anon in Ask 3 says as a good example.

(Screengrab from SM video seen on my Twitter)

The whole video made me laugh, but this slide alone shows how much of a joke that company under Chris Lee's management is, because this slide is a class in manipulation 101.

I'm not sure if I have to spell this out, but pricing is a function of demand and supply. And if the disaster that was KAMP LA 2022 (k-pop's Fyre Festival scandal) didn't show the vast disparity in perceived and actual demand for mostly SM groups, if the brouhaha over Hybe's merch pricing didn't do that either, then the fact most analysts comp HYBE against Tencent, Warner Brothers and UMG, rather than SM or YG, should have settled this debate months ago. And this is aside from the fact that in this slide, SM quotes HYBE's VIP pricing against SM's regular ticket prices...

Like, y'all, how can you blame me for laughing?

This whole thing is pure entertainment so I suggest you just nod, smile, and wave.

#hybe #sm entertainment #kpop industry #kpop

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jadeofblades · 1 year

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tagged by @honeysucklebuttons hehee! let's do thisss

how many works do you have on ao3?

Fourteen! Two which are anonymous (nothing bad it's just for really self indulgent stuff)

what’s your total ao3 word count?

30,525,,, jesus

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Two, Danganronpa and Club Penguin

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

My Firefly - 84

Melt Right Into My Hands - 40

Wouldn't Even Think About it - 38

Buggy Baby - 38

apathy - 29

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Uff,, I don't tend to do straight angst a lot, perhaps apathy? That one's a more neutral ending I suppose

what’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

A lot of my fics are happy oh Boye, umm maybe A Little Something for You?

do you write crossovers? if so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Nah, not much of my thing

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

:) I do, giggles. It's pretty vanilla stuff tho I'm not a Freak freak

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes! Or I try to, though sometimes I forget to dkfjhjfkd but I just wanna share my thanks for them,,

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope

have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so?

have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge no, but I wouldn’t mind it if asked

have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but that sounds fun!

what’s your all-time favorite ship?

Theeee saigokumota hehehe

what’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Erm,, I dunno I have a Shuichi/Kaito/Gonta request book on ao3 I haven’t gotten to finish yet

what are your writing strengths?

Hm.. I say I'm pretty good at describing emotions and settings.

what are your writing weaknesses?

Actually, trying to write. Most of the time whenever I'm like "hey let's type this out" my brain goes no and then I just, don't. It sucks cuz it's like I know it's a wall I can get over but sometimes I just can't

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I haven’t written a fic with that before, nor read much fics, but I suppose if it's done respectfully and properly it could fit. Oh and give a translation.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Club Penguin,, technically also my first fandom when entering social media

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

A Loving Shade of Yellow, popped off with the scenery with that one tbh tbh

tagging uhhhhhhhh @blugnettabutterflies @smth-colourful and whoever else wants to try this!

#tag game #@ game #fanfic writing

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galaxygrv · 7 months

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(me having Feelings abt trauma and sys shit under the cut)

i suppose rediscovering our sys makes sense .

the first discovery was after i got so triggered we mightve split , or it was just to drag two sysmates out to deal w the situation (which was an honest effort but did not work !) . lasted a long while, they "disappeared" (still havent heard from them) after we stopped being so triggered abt it all the time . their disappearance made me think it was just psychosis and tht im probs not even dissociating , but obvs fucking not.

second time , got retraumatized but Really Badly this time , and boom an introject of my fav character from a videogame i had a hyperfix on that is also under the umbrella of my special interest pops his head in and swoops in to "save the day" . ner is calmer than me , helps w my anxiety , and although hes abt just as confused w everything as i am hes doing his best. i appreciate him a lot . i hope theres a headspace or smth adjacent so he isnt just losing time when not fronting or cocon.

i wish we didnt have to deal w trauma . wish this shit was done in a natural way . i cant imagine us w out trauma but like.. if we werent traumagenic w DID , i think we'd end up going the willogenic route . i thought abt it for a while (becoming willogenic) when i was srsly doubling down on the "it was psychosis" thing , so i tried diff techniques for a bit (i dont think it worked haha). i wanted that "oh my god im not alone in this. i have sumone and i will always have sumone w me" thing back.

i wish ner came out to see me more often. i notice the amnesia n dissociation enough to know tht smth is happening tht im not aware of completely . i just want sumone to talk to me. i dont rlly like cofronting , its so.. jarring. weird. feels very confusing in the head , makes us dizzy and even more dissociative than usual . i prefer when im fronting and sumone else is cocon. sure , our thoughts and speech r jumbled and all over the place , but its fun. its peaceful, fun banter. thts what i rlly enjoy , i love our peaceful friendships where we joke around and tease each other.

cannot fucking believe we got retraumatized thou. wildest shit ever. why is it so easy to b manipulated. i feel like an idiot lmfao. at least it made me sorta come to terms w being a sys

i was going to go another direction w this but i forgot what it was (WOW) so take this jumbled mess . also have an image for fun :) its me in the image /joke

#🐾#our posts #vent cw #cw vent #ahh just. feelings.

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taegularities · 2 years

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My lovely rid, i came across this movie again on tiktok and an idea popped into my head. I dont know if you are taking requests, but if you do need some ideas, are open for smth rn or would like to write a HEAVY angsty fic of jk one day, listen tu me. The name of the Movie is “Delibal“ Deli in turkish means: stoopid, weird, crazy and bal means honey. Delibal is abt two college students. The boy is pretty much deli. hes crazy, hes wild, a bit stoopid with a very big heart, he is very good looking, has tattoos, a man bun, likes boxing and is a drummer who has a beautiful voice. One day in a cafe, he sees this beautiful girl and for him its love at first sight. He doesnt have the guts to ask her out at first tho. when driving home with the bus from college one day, the girl sits onto the empty space besides him and he cant believe his eyes that she not only goes to his college but sits right beside him. he says smth like: do you believe in destiny ? and she doesnt get it bc she isnt really paying attention to him. She exists before he could properly talk to her and the next day in the library he asks the lady if she knows the girl. the woman is stunned and says that over 20.000 students go there and asks him how she is supposed to know her. As determined as he is, he says then we have to go thru 20.000 students etc. later on they get to know each other, he is very straight forward bc he cant keep it inside of him anymore and she is a bit shy and not so talkative bc hes such an extrovert. they fall in love and he asks her to marry him in such a beautiful way and she ofc says yes but her parents arent too pleased with that bc shes still young and in college. They nevertheless agree in the end and they both marry each other and the wedding is held between their closest family and friends and everything is just beautiful, he sings a song which he had written for her etc. They both then go and he jumps into a lake bc of how happy he is. they get home and into the sheets and are as happy as ever. After some time tho, smth seems to break. they argue more and more and she tells him that he is hurting her ( mentally ). he ( what we get to see later in the movie ) suffers from depression and cant get his thoughts together but never showed her this side of him but ofc it came back and made him act up. he was so angry at himself for hurting her and “destroying“ their relationship and began to drink again, get into fights etc. long story short, he somehow went away snd bc if that she couldnt meet him for a few days. she later on finds a tape and is confused. while watching she sees that its s tap of him. he tells her that he loves her so much and that hes so sorry that he couldnt keep his promise. he tells her that the stars will watch over her and that he loves her like nothing else. she watches this tape in her dark living room alone and cries SO much. She tells her family and they tell her that he might‘ve killed himself and she gets angry at them ( is basically in denial ) and sometimes gets flashbacks of them together when she for example enters their bedroom etc ( all while the police is looking for him ). It later on shows scenes of him standing at a cliff with his cigarette and he fell into the water ( committed suicide ). police pulls him out of the water and she sees him actually dead and looses it. So Idk why but this boy seems like so much of a jk to me. Hes a drummer, can sing, has such a big heart, looks good, tatts, man bun, likes wearing boots and just has a really cool style overall. Why im writing you this rn is bc i love your writing. you have not only such god vocabulary but when i read your stories, it rather seems like i am watching a movie if that makes sense. So if you need any ideas or would like to write a really HEAVY angsty fic abt jk, think abt using this storyline and adding your own scenes and ideas to it 🌸 it would be so good i cant even explain. Imma give you two links for you to understand the movie more. 1. is a trailer with english subtitles and the 2. is the scene in which she watches his tape.

its me again ! i said smth wrong. hes not depressive. hes bipolar.

- 🧚🏻

heeey, so before i get to the ask, i wanna request that u put sensitive topics in a tw at the top of an ask, bcos the mention of su*icide hit me like a truck 💀

ahhh, this storyline actually reminds me of a bollywood movie for some reason! it’s called ‘aashiqui 2′ and deals with fame, love, depression and suicide. tho i’m not really a fan of love stories ending in suicide or death (i didn’t really enjoy aashiqui 2 bcos of its ending 💀), delibal must be good, if u liked it !! i also can totally see how u thought of jk here :’)

i’m not taking requests, and after the atrw chaos, i actually swore to myself to never write a fic based on or inspired by a movie/show again :’) but i might watch the movie once i’m in the right mindset, so thank u for the rec !! and it’s also so sweet of u to think of me here... thank u for enjoying my writing enough to reckon i could do the movie justice 🥺

i’ll answer ur ask with the links separately so anyone who’s interested sees it, too !!

#please make sure to tag sensitive topics properly peeps !!#tw suicide and death #tw bipolar #notes for rid 🌹#🧚 anon #long ask

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icantspeakspanish · 3 years

Text

Being Seijoh‘s queer manager - Headcanons

Ship: Platonic!Oikawa x Platonic!Reader / Platonic!Iwaizumi x Platonic!Reader / Platonic!Hanamaki x Platonic!Reader / Platonic!Matsukawa x Platonic!Reader

Warnings: actually none. It’s just fluff and maybe the 3rd years flipping of some mean people

masterlist

A/n: I recently can’t stop thinking about headcanons to that, so enjoy I guess🕳🚶

Coming out to them

Oikawa Tooru

Okay listen

Oikawa pays SO MUCH attention to his friends

Like, if you’re looking at a person longer than u look at other people, this mf will notice that right then and there

Don’t worry, he wont just point that out

Maybe he‘ll drop some dumb comments like the dumb clown he is, but he wont spill anything

Oikawa is going to be more observing

One day you just hang out with him

and this shithead has a fucking plan

I do not kid you when I‘m telling u he has a whole maSTERPLAN??😀

both of you are on your own phone, you scrolling though Instagram liking memes about ur closeted sexuality and laughing inside, I see you

Then Oikawa plays on purpose one song

„Me and your girlfriend playin' dress up at my house..“

You immediately freeze

🎶👹Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious👹🎶

You literally try so hard to sent a gaze on Oikawas phone without him noticing

LMFAO NOT U FAILING

Anyways

You see in the upper corner of your eye how Oikawa is grinning SO BOLD AT YOU BYE

Brb, just getting a tomato to complain it to your face❤️

Tbh, he wasn’t even sure till you turned red like there ain’t no other choice

You just acted obvious as fU-

Oikawa will deadass laugh at your confused face, but then hug you

„Why didn’t you say anything? I could‘ve get you a significant other so much earlier???“

Slap him pls

After you tell him that you just felt really anxious or something like that, Oikawa will hug you again

He will tell you that he loves you no matter what and that he‘s sure the team will too

Oikawa will absolutely get you like a pride flag to surprise you

He‘s so proud of you and happy you told him🥺

Oikawa will literally look in public out for a partner for u 💀

Put a leash on that piece of crap, or I will

If you’re part of the asexual spectrum, Oikawa will make sure no one is making you uncomfortable and to know your boundaries about jokes, touching, etc.

Will text u things like

„Y/N PLEASE DON‘T TELL ME U DATE THEM?? IS U BLIIIIIIND?????!“

Hit him

„If you have to reject this dipshit one more time, I‘ll let Iwaizumi and Kyiotani go WiLD😐“

Love him

„If you wont make a move on them, I will🤨“

Throw him off a bridge

Oikawa is always going to be there for you, ready to let his fangirls flip off everyone who just looks the wrong way at you

He just loves you and wants u to be happy🥺

HE‘S STILL RUDE ASHSDJDN

Iwaizumi Hajime

Iwa isn’t suspecting anything

Sure, he cares about you, but he doesn’t care about which gender u love

He doesent think that is any of his business, he just wants u to be happy and treaten well and taken care of

Pls I love him

since Iwaizumi wont suspect anything, you’ll have to make the first move into this conversation.

So when you and Iwa walk home after practice it seems like the perfect time

You don’t know how to start, so you sorta just blurt that shit out

„Iwaizumi?“

„What‘s up?“

„I‘m ____“

„Okay.“

Your legs stop moving

You look at him like 👁👄👁

he be having the audacity to stop walking and ask you what’s wrong

„Did you understand what I just said?“

„Yeah, why?“

Y/n.exe stopped working

„WHY DO YOU JUST SAY „OKAY“ LIKE A FOOL?!“

„EXCUSE ME?“

Iwaizumi.exe crashed too

„What else am I supposed to say?! You’re my friend, I don’t care which gender you having sex with!“

He ain’t good with words I‘m sorry🧑‍🦯

Will ruffle you’re hair and tell you not to worry, he can beat up any gender😩👌

I actually don’t think he‘d ask you questions. He doesen’t want to make you uncomfortable and just googles about it if there’s anything he doesen’t understand. Iwaizumi is actually pretty invested and wants to learn about your sexuality since one of his closest friends just came out to him.

If anyone is being rude to you, Iwaizumi will pop off

If he’s shopping or smth like that and sees something with pride colors / your flag colors, he will buy that and give it to you

Definitely ready to beat up anyone who tries to insult you because of your sexuality

Radiates big protective dad energy and wants to meet your partner before y’all go out

Iwa just wants you to stay safe

10/10 would recommend marriage 💯

Hanamaki Takahiro

„Are you gay?“

You look pale into his face

„whAT?!“

LMFAO I‘D BE CONFUSED TOO

„Is that a yes?“

„MAKKI!“

I don‘t even know why, but he would definitely know

Not your sexuality EXACTLY, but he knows you ain’t straight

Makki also uses that as an explanation and tells you you didn’t looked hetero from the start

Excuse you-

He‘s just a natural i guess

You tell him then what your actual sexuality is and Hanamaki is so chill about it

Will smile at you and tell you that he‘s proud of you and maybe apologizing for blurting that shit out of the blue

If someone is making you uncomfortable in anyway, Hanamaki will hunt them down to make them apologize

he will sent you some lgbtq+ memes and capture it with „That reminds me of u“

Matsukawa Issei

Hear me out

He makes jokes often

and since you (as seijohs manager) hang out with them often, both of you joke often

like y’all have some insiders, you give joking answers to his jokes

so when you and Mattsun went out to get drinks, he was joking as usual

„He/she’d be a great fiancé. dont you think?“

U look in the direction he’s pointing and see a friend group who’s chatting

„Naaah. His/her friend looks hotter“

u actually said that without thinking and as soon as you realize u started to blush and look to him

Matsukawa still looks into that direction.

„you’re right, they got that dumptruck“ BYE

„Matsukawa Issei, I knew youre an ass dude!“

pls y’all are so casual

after that he asks you if you meant that and really are interested in this gender

„wait that’s ___, right?“

you nod a bit surprised because you didn’t expect him to know the name of your sexuality

WOULD SENT YOU MEMES TOO AND ASK PEOPLE OUT FOR YOU BYE

Matsukawa looks intimidating like Iwaizumi, but he‘d joke around with your date tbh

but if they’re being shitty to you, Matsukawa won’t hesitate to sent them to hell

as long as they won’t hurt you physically, he will make so mean jokes, always pick a fight with them and is SO sarcastic towards them💀

mattsun also made you a playlist with like pride songs

Going to a Pride parade with them!!

OIKAWA IS SO EXCITED JABSNFBXB

He will absolutely wear a pride flag and be SO proud

he‘ll tries to make some friends for you so you have some people who‘re like you

hes a dumbass, sorry<\3

when you ask Iwaizumi to come with you and the team, he will firstly act annoyed and like he doesen’t want to go but Oikawa drags him anyway dw

if there’s like rainbow ice he will buy it for you what a sugar daddy

Iwaizumi will act annoyed and bored for most of the time, but as soon as you look two seconds away from him and turn back around, this men has rainbow flags on both of his cheeks🥺

someone also gave him a small pride flag and he’s swinging it since then the entire time GOD I‘M SO DOWN FOR SOFT IWAIZUMI PLEASE

some guys talked to him because they thought he’s 💅🏻 and hot and Oikawa let out a scream BAHAHA

Iwa explained himself so politely tho<3

Hanamaki found SO MANY FRIENDS GOODBYE

ofc he and matsukawa bought this thing with what you can draw those rainbow flags on your cheeks and they put it on Oikawas, yours, Iwaizumis and their own face

actually they have now rainbowflags all over their body because they think they look cool🧚‍♀️

and they will protect you from creeps <3

remember when I said Mattsun made a playlist for you? Oikawa‘s blasting that shit and dancing to it ofc he danced with you duh

after that day, Hanamaki changed y’all’s gc name to „y/n‘s protection squad“

#seijoh #haikyuu x reader #seijoh x reader #oikawa toru x reader #iwaizumi x reader #hanamaki x reader #matsukawa x reader #haikyuu headcanons #aoba josai headcanons #queer pride

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levinneheart · 4 years

Text

Home, Sweet Home

➳ Pairing: Aone Takanobu x F!Reader

➳ Genre: Fluff, Hcs, Engagement Proposal, Domesticated, Established Relationship

➳ Warnings: Slight manga spoiler if you squint, extremely long, may or may not give you diabetes cuz of sweetness overload, self indulgent cuz i need smth soft to enlighten my emo mood, also me being a hopeless romantic so be warned

When he became a college student, you two moved in together along with a couple of his vb teammates at a two story flat

You and Aone ofc shared a room while the others had their own rooms separately, although sometimes his underclassmen Koganegawa would barge in to ask if he could pratice tossing with your bf

Not that you hate him or anything but... one time, he almost walked into you two doing the deed 😳 Aone bless him immediately reacted by pulling you close, tucking you underneath him before covering you both under the blanket and pretended to be asleep

Poor baby chick was so clueless and confused cuz he thought he heard both of your voices and assumed that you two would be together inside, I— 💀

But that’s a story for another time~ 😝

You would always laugh when you remember that tho, while Aone would just have his usual small smile with that soft doting look in his eyes as he watches you

This man knew right there and then that he was gonna marry you so you could stay by his side forever and he would come home to you making dinner

He could even imagine himself waking up everyday to see your face first thing in the morning and stare at you lovingly while thanking his lucky stars for bringing you in his life

He mayhaps.. start thinking of making a family together with you in the future, it doesn’t even matter if you don’t want kids cuz he’s satisfied with fur babies too 👉👈 aww 🥺

His friend Futakuchi was def the first one to know, next are his upperclassmen in vbc and lastly everybody else he was acquainted with

Aone, despite being quiet, would already have something planned out so he lets everybody in on it and nobody gets left behind, just cuz he babie 💗

Ngl everybody was highkey shooketh and impressed when he told them his plan of proposing since it was simple yet so meaningful

Everyone helps out as much as they could and started calling it ‘Mission: Get Aone Engaged’ or Mission GEA for short

Time skip to the day of the proposal — Aone held your hand and began leading you to his car before driving off to somewhere as you soon as you got into the passenger seat

You quietly watch the scenery passed by the window for a while before glancing back at your ever so quiet bf “Are you taking me there? Where you wanna show me smth?” You asked as he hummed in response, looking at you through the windshield and smiling softly

You smiled back and continued to look out of the window while enjoying this little adventure and his company duh, ofc you were ecstatic yet nervous at the same time cuz it’s been a while since Aone took you somewhere and surprised you

Last time was when you came home late and drunk from a night out with your colleagues after work, he took you outside of the backyard where it was decorated with fairy lights and lanterns with a pillow and blanket fort in the middle

He got you sober by making you eat snacks and drink water as you two played board/card games all night before binge watching some anime and streaming any disney/barbie/ghibli movies on your laptop

This called me out as single lmao

You two arrived at what seemed to be an empty house, it was decently sized with a somewhat large backyard, a porch and a small garden up on the front

You heard a grunt from Aone, making you turn around to face him and gasping at the sight: your tall light-haired sweetheart was kneeling down on one knee with a small box help up held up in one hand

He slowly opened it to reveal a note attached on the inside lid of the box that said ‘marry me?’ and a cute simple pearl ring before ‘locking onto’ you

Bonus:

Ofc you said yes, how could you say no to him??? Aone’s literally husbando material, FIGHT ME 😤 jkjkjk

You also show him the ring that you were supposed to give him when you proposed— Well, if he wasn’t already whipped for you, he is now but more intensely 🥴

When you did, the whole deadass Date Tech came out of hiding, popping wine and confetti everywhere while congratulating both of you

Everyone tells you that Aone planned and built this house with the help of others and them ofc, but he planned everything so he gets all the credits 🥺

Your reaction would literally transition from 😮 to 🥺💗💞

Your heart mayhaps had exploded from the overwhelming love and adoration that you have for him ✌️😌 same tbh, loves

Futakuchi rolled his eyes at the sight of all the lovey-dovey stuff he’s just envious cuz he’s still single lol and was about to say smth snarky but Moniwa smacked him right on time lmao

When the congratulation party was over and everybody had gone home, you asked Aone why he picked this day in particular

“It’s the day we first met.” “You remembered?” “Of course.” “Aw, Nobu.” You cooed before leaning up him, their lips touched for a soft kiss before parting

“Guess, this is: home, sweet home.”

Since I promised y’all that if my first Aone fic reached 100 notes, I’ll write another w/ a surprise bonus so here it is

Tagging: my mutuals/friends @whitedragon127 @zephyrria @currentconcern @kiddiegore @honeyvanilla-hq and the ones who liked the previous Aone fic @youtube1230 @nekoglasses @lealexio @lunadinottes @stephisapotatoe @haikyulover @fatty6669 @trashys-things @amateur-maniac @wow-im-a-mess @tigress445 @mokke-chan @i-m-not-a-cat @yikerb @ash-draws-alot @livinginthatstate @that-fic-bitch @dumbassbrigade @polarbearaone @osforgodss @soy-clob @your-stank-ass @nicouwu1 @viviendracula @dpqssmdd @g-r-boiii @just-perish @luvsunshine-fields @kara-grayson04 @cheereios @nialeesato @ohmypurin @ssvgawara@thecastielmoriarty @akaawhore @bear-likes-mushrooms @haikyuu-biatch @wowthatsuckss @karebearrrrrrrr @littlemissmonster12 @miiixed @doesngiveafuck @noya-senpai-imagines @trash-trashington continuation in the comments!

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koshicoast · 3 years

Text

A few shinkami headcannons because I love them more than anything

Shinsou has a growth spurt and practically towers over Denki by their second year (for all intents and purposes, Shinsou has always been in class 1A)

Denki grows a little bit but not that much, he’s not complaining though, he gets Shinsou to grab stuff on the top shelve for him or has him hang up posters in higher places in his room (the only downside is that he has to get on his tippy toes for kisses but usually Shinsou will just bend down like a good boyfriend)

They go on dates every Sunday, It’s their day and it doesn’t matter what they’re doing as long as it’s just the two of them

They could be studying or doing homework or exercising or anything really and they’ll call it a date

The rest of the class knows better than to try and contact either boy on Sunday

“Normies worship Jesus on Sunday but I worship Shinsou” - Denki, at one point in time

Shinsou loves playing with denki’s hair, he buys different kinds of hair clips just to put them in denki’s hair

he just likes how the colors pop out

He especially likes to see purple hair clips in denki’s hair

Tbh it doesn’t have to be hair clips, it could be a scrunchie or a rubber band or a headband; as long as it’s purple it does wonders to shinsou’s heart

Denki likes playing with shinsou’s hair too but more than that he likes seeing Shinsou in yellow clothing

Shinsou doesn’t wear bright colors a lot usually sticking with black or cool tone colors

But when he does wear yellow, Denki just gets all mushy no matter how small it is

It could be yellow earrings or socks or something and Denki will wear a love sick expression all day

Despite being in the hero course, Shinsou still gets incredibly insecure about his quirk and how some people only see him as a villain

Denki, without fail or hesitation, tells Shinsou what a great hero he’s gonna be, he talks about how Shinsou is gonna inspire a new wave of underground heroes and how he’s gonna be some kid’s Aizawa one day and how proud he is of him (The first time he said that, it makes Shinsou sob. It makes denki cry too bc he’s a sympathetic crier so they just lay in bed holding eachother)

He also tells Shinsou how no matter who’s the number one hero, Shinsou will always have first place in his heart. And that Shinsou is just as much as any other hero out there and even a little more because he’ll be underground

Denki just loves his boyfriend so much and whoever planted the idea that some quirks are just made for evil is going to get electrocuted >:(

Denki will also pepper Shinsou in kisses saying things like ‘you are so kind’ ‘you’re an amazing person’ ‘I love you so much’ ‘You’re my hero’ and just a bunch of stuff so by the end of their heart to heart Shinsou is feeling a lot better

Denki gets insecure about how ‘dumb’ he is and how he’ll probably just end up hurting civilians or himself before he hurts a villain

Shinsou hates how that’s how Denki views himself because Denki is one of the kindest people in the world and doesn’t even realize it like the first time Denki told him that insecurity, Shinsou looked at him and was like ‘are you..you’re serious? Denks, You’re one of the most clever people I know’

Whenever Denki mentions it, Shinsou he just squeezes the blonde and lets him cry out his frustrations before telling him that ‘he’s not an idiot or stupid and that it’s okay not to understand something as fast as others and that it’s okay to learn differently and it’s okay’ (Shinsou will always try not to cry but a few tears fall anyways bc he just wants denks to be happy without feeling like he’s a fuckup)

Shinsou never lets Denki call himself an idiot or stupid, even in a joking way.

They don’t fight a lot because of their personalities like

Denki is a people’s person and is really in tune with other’s emotions and by default is a pacifist unless otherwise

Shinsou isn’t a people’s person but he’s observant due to his quirk bc of how he’s been treated in the past, he’s also good at picking up on people’s body language

Most times it’s just small disagreements and even then they communicate the best they can and try to compromise

If that doesn’t work then they’ll give each other space so the disagreement won’t turn into something ugly

They’ve only fought once and it was the worst (and best) thing for them

The fight happened after a mock rescue mission goes wrong and there were weeks of stress and tension leading up to it

It was messy and bad like really bad

“I just don’t get why you have to run into danger!” Denki screamed. The whole dorm could probably hear them but he didn’t care, not when his boyfriend was looking at him like he just lost his mind.

It was supposed to be a simple training exercise. Simple. Go in, defeat villains, rescue the ‘hostages’. It was not that simple.

*insert how badly the mission went and Shinsou ran towards the danger to help or smth idk*

It gets pretty rough between the two of them because they’re both pretty emotional people

Shinsou thinks denki doesn’t want him to be a hero and denki thinks Shinsou doesn’t want to be with him

It’s a lot of insecurities + stress + yelling

Denki is the first one to break, he’s a lot more emotionally sensitive than Toshi and everything is just crashing down and he hates it

“Do you just not want to be with me?!” He cries, unable to keep the tears at bay any more. He hates arguing with people, especially when that person happens to be his boyfriend. He gets it, he does! Toshi is training to become a hero and so is he but that doesn’t make it easier. Doesnt stop the shot of fear whenever he watches the other get hurt, doesn’t stop the late night self deprecation, doesn’t stop the anxiety he gets whenever he sees Toshi run head first into danger.

But he gets it and somehow it’s a bitter realization.

Because Hitoshi’s priority is the job they signed up for and Denki’s is Hitoshi.

The fight ends with tears on both their parts and they call it a night, too tired to scream anymore

They sleep in their own rooms that night

The next morning they agree to take a break, not a full break up, but some time away. Space away from each other to prioritize and think.

(Now ive seen fanfics where everyone picks denki over Shinsou and i hate that so fuck you, class 1A are both their friends and they’re all family and try and to help each other I will die with that statement)

Surprisingly the two most helpful people are Bakugou and Kirishima

(Actually not that surprising, they’re the longest couple in the whole class, dating immediately after Kamino)

Bakugou and denki have a heart to heart

“You’re both dumbasses” Katsuki sighs heavy, passing another tissue over to the sobbing blonde. He’s not good at these kinds of things, but Kirishima told him he could help the electric blonde more than he could so here he is. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong or just cry?” He asks, not without a hint of worry though. He pretends to ignore it.

So denki tells him everything and his insecurities

Oh. Yeah, Kirishima was right.

“You think I’m an idiot” Denki mutters quietly, harshly rubbing his eyes.

“No” The older blonde shakes his head, plopping down on the bed next to the other. He doesn’t turn to meet yellow eyes, his own trained on the All Might poster hanging directly across from them. He feels Pikachu’s curious gaze on him so he decides to elaborate more, knowing the sooner he helps the sooner he doesn’t have to deal with this anymore. It’s totally not because he’s gotten soft. Absolutely not.

“Trust me, Zombie Eyes looks at you like you put the fucking stars in the sky. It’s disgusting to watch.” He crinkles his nose in disgust earning a small laugh. “People like him and I, we gotta work twice as hard. Not saying that no one else does but it’s different.” He stresses the last word. “People like Ei or Deku or even you, people already see you as good so all you gotta do is get stronger. They don’t question your character, your morals, they don’t look down on you for having a weakness. People like Zombie Eyes and I though?we gotta work hard just to prove that we’re good. That we were meant to become heroes. Every action we do is put under a microscope and analyzed.” He explains.

“We’re assholes by default, It’s how we were raised. Not saying it as an excuse though. He was in the shitty system and I had shitty parents, no adult taught us shit like love or how to properly deal with feelings.”

Stupid Deku tried with him but he didn’t even know how to deal with his own much less some angry blond kid’s.

He takes a deep breath, pushing back faint memories of his childhood. The younger hasn’t said a word but he can tell he’s listening so it’s fine. “We can’t just turn off how we are. If it’s frustrating for you and Ei, It’s worse for us. Like we know logically that we’re good people, that we changed but that’s now how our brain sees it. We push ourselves because that’s all we know how to do, it proves to us and everyone else that we bled for our spot here. That we made it. Having friends is hard because we compare ourselves to them and draw our own conclusions to their actions. Being nice? Our brain says it’s a trap. Showing some human fucking decency? Our shitty brain says it’s an act. Being in a relationship? Laughable. We’re just villains pretending to play heroes to everyone else.”

He takes another deep breath, forcing himself to look away from the poster, flashbacks to their first year briefly passing in his head. Okay yeah, not going down that route. He looks over, making eye contact. He wonders if this is how Kirishima feels whenever he’s trying to cheer him up. Wonders if it’s just as hard. This better be worth it, everyone has been miserable. (Shitty thing about having been through life and death situations together is that everyone has bonded and become close like a family so when one of them is sad it’s like everyone is fucking sad.) (He loathes it because even he gets worried.)

“But despite that he still loves you.” He says softly, almost whispering like he’s telling the other a secret. “Fights his demons to hold your hand and all that shit”

Shinsou loves him? Loves him?

“How do you.. how do you know?” Denki whispers, throat sore. “We fought so badly last night, we were screaming at eachother.”

“He treats you the same way I treat Ei.” He answers,

“He changed his priorities around to try and accommodate for another person in his life, you became more important than training or studying. He takes days off to be with you, cuts his studying short if you need a break. It might not seem much to others but for him that’s huge. He came in with this one track mind but then you came along and he scrambled to balance everything. And then you two got your shit together and started to go out and I’m pretty sure he got scared”

“Scared?” Denki asks, the thought almost funny to him.

“I did.” Bakugou admits as Denki’s eyes grow wide.

“I was petrified. When Ei started to become more important than hero work, I freaked. It’s not that loverboy is choosing being a hero over you, It’s because he doesn’t understand that he can have both. He thinks everything important is a choice- that if you want something you have to give something up. He chooses hero work and he loses you. He chooses you and he loses hero work.”

“But he’s not going to lose me or hero work”

“Kinda sounded like you did give him an ultimatum though”

The realization hits him like cold water.

Shinsou gets a similar talk with Kirishima

It helps, a lot

They don’t immediately go back to eachother, instead spending the week with their everyone else and just taking time for themselves

Shinsou knocks on Denki’s door Sunday morning and they finally talk things out

It’s also the first time they say ily!!

Anyways after that fight they work harder on communicating especially when it comes to things like hero work

It’s not perfect bc their dumb traumatized teens but they’re trying and they know their lil family will always be there

I haven’t slept but yes thanks for sticking around if you’re reading this

If ur interested in shinsou’s talk with Kirishima lmk

#shinkami headcannons #shinkami #drabble #snippets #shinsou x kaminari #shinsou hitoshi #shinsou #denki kaminari #kaminari #my hero academia #kiribaku #Kirishima #bnha bakugou

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redxblueihateloveyou · 3 years

Note

it's not just kids calling adam/tadashi abusive, i've seen adults say the same thing, even fans of adam, that it's abusive and rapey, i'm not sure how to feel because i disagree but their posts sound very authoritive :/

Meanwhile Utsumi is out there like gushing about these two 24/7 bc they’re her faves and says stuff like “originally Tadashi was supposed to say “Woof” after “You’re gonna be my dog for the rest of their lives”, but it didn’t make to the final cut, I thought about his face expression a lot in that moment, but the only thing I was absolutely sure of is how utterly happy he was about what Adam said.” and explains for absolute morons that what Adam said about framing Tadashi was just a bullshit to test him lmao

I once again do not know why people don’t get that this ships thing is that they’re literally what another needs and despite the fact that they both have their own problems, they’re each other’s way out. Because Adam wants Tadashi to learn to stand up for himself, while Tadashi wants Adam to learn that love should bring happiness, not pain. If you don’t want complicated characters, once again, watch smth with a rating 5+ instead. Complicated and problematic characters are not always villains and some adult relationships are definitely not an abuse, if they’re canonically into power play.

Also I don’t know how a person who so carelessly throws words like “rapey” can be considered “sounding authoritive”, but I highly recommend to try forming your own point of view, based on facts/observations and your own experience. Also in books for example there's always easier to get characters motives, bc they give you to say the whole picture, so depends on how many you’ve read you can learn to detect it without it “being explained to you” pretty easy. If you don’t have such skill or don’t want to develop it, you can wait for the creator’s commentary, you can usually get it to many animes/mangas these days, they will tell you what they meant by some scenes and about their thought process, while creating it, who, why and where. Of course not every creator has that much love and attention to their characters and story, there are some where the creators also know nothing about their character, besides what was shown, but Utsumi is not one of those, so you can always be ready, that if she picked a fave, she thought everything through from the very beginning.

Also this fandom (and pls normal SK8 fans, do not take offense in this, I mean I’m technically also in this fandom, although not really since I had to create just a bubble and don’t go anywhere else, since it’s that bad) is like 90% absolute the most painfully idiotic ppl I’ve ever seen, who can’t even read between the lines and say the dumbest stuff I’ve ever heard, that is so embarrasssing, that they make you embarrassed about even being part of this, and 50% of them are too young to even get stuff, that wasn’t meant for them to get, so just, for real, I’m just suggesting the same thing I did, for your own health, pick ppl for your tl, whose brains are intact and do not even go “out there”, like, you’re only gonna get mad. I mean, if ppl who aren’t even in the fandom get mad about stuff they write, you’re gonna be mad x2 and sadly you can’t do anything about this amount of stupidity, rarely stuff like this do happen to some fandoms. Yes, you can’t enjoy this one, sadly. I tried, but I just felt, like I’m getting more and more mad, until I just sat down and cleaned everything on my tl and was like “that’s it, I’m not in the sk8 fandom, I’m in my own fandom it’s called “his dog by day, his snake by night” lmao

And yes, it did in fact happen after I found out that the girl behind that “concerning adam” absolutely moronically formulated shit that was part of the zine was 23 years old. I think my eyes popped out like in a cartoon, bc everyone who was involved in this drama, wrote stuff like “can i make fun of them or are they 14″, thinking they’re just well, you know, young, but then were shocked too xD. I just wish this person/ppl just wrote “we excluded Adam bc we’re too dumb to get his character we hate him”, at least I’d respect you for your honesty in this case. But no, you had to dig your own grave and become the new official representative of “SK8 fandom is the dumbest”. Congrats really.

I do not know, if ppl lie about their age or not when it comes to those. If not and they’re really adults who think so, it’s fascinating really. Fascinating how this fandom got all the idiots in once. I mean, being a stupid fandom of teens is one thing, being a stupid fandom in general is just sad.

Am I sad that so little ppl got the actual plot and the message creators tried to send? Yes, absolutely. Not the first time tho it happens, with Utsumi’s faves especially, but also in general these days. It is very sad, I agree, but also, I just really started to feel bad, bc I saw some comments and felt like that meme guy, you know: “what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.” lol

So just find someone who posts the good stuff and doesn’t get involved, listen to VAs, read creator’s interviews and live happily ever after, bc they adore both Adam and Tadaai. They literally told in the last interview what I was telling under my YT vid. This is just also hilarious to me, bc to be honest Tadaai situation wasn’t even that hard to analyse in the first place, even without the creators commentaries. Like we’re not on a Cannes Film Festival here.

And once again you can like or dislike Adam, it’s your choice, ppl have different tastes, but writing the most utterly idiotic things about his character that make no sense whatsoever, considering the canon story, is just plain moronic. Just say that you don’t like him, and pls, don’t embarrass yourself.

#answered #anonymous #anime #sk8 #TadaAi #adam x tadashi #shindo ainosuke #tadashi kikuchi #sk8 the infinity

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aprilsrant · 4 years

Text

Cariad | Young!Remus Lupin x Slytherin!Fem!Reader.

SUMMARY: (Y/N) absolutely hates when professors make their students work in pairs, but the outcome of this particular project may not be so bad.

WORD COUNT: 2,971, more or less.

REQUEST: can i request another half-blood slytherin reader x remus where she tries to learn welsh for him and i hope you can include smth with the lovespoon!

This was requested by @cantstopmebitch Thank you so much for requesting something, I hope you enjoy it!

WARNINGS: a kiss? And nothing else I think.

A/N: Please remember English is not my first language, so if there are any mistakes, let me know! In this fic, I’ve used some Welsh words, which I didn’t know a single thing about so I did some research but it may be wrong, so sorry if these are not correct!

Masterlist.

You can always reblog to help me or request something you’ll like.

TRANSLATIONS: the title, cariad, means “love, affection, lover, darling”; the phrase fy annwyl un means “my dear one”; and the last one, fy nghariad aur means “my golden darling”.

Advanced Arithmancy Studies, or simply Arithmancy, was not the most interesting subject Hogwarts offered as an elective course for sixth and seventh years, hence why there weren’t many people taking it, but (Y/N) seemed to be a natural — according to the professor’s opinion — and she loved being good at things without trying too much or else she would lose any interest immediately.

Sitting down on one of the desks at the back of the classroom, she left her brown leather satchel on the cobblestone floor. (Y/N) watched as the students took their usual seats and started to chat with their partner, but all conversations were shut down by the loud voice of the professor, an old and strict woman who didn’t seem to have control of her voice’s volume as she was always screaming and someone who didn’t have any consideration with those who forgot to do her assignments.

The minute the woman’s body was an inch inside the classroom, she began to give directions about a project expected for next week and how they would have to work in pairs, (Y/N)’s eyes rolling to the back of her head upon hearing the news. She absolutely detested working with other people for two reasons: the first one being that, if they happen to be from a different House, they would judge her for being a Slytherin; and the second, because she was always the one ending up doing it all on her own, but that was mostly her fault. She wanted to be in control all the time if it was something related to school.

Once again, (Y/N) was observing how some of her classmates changed desks so they could work with whoever they wanted. No one took the empty seat beside her. She never minded being alone in this class (none of her close friends capable of dealing with the intensity of it or not being too interested in numbers), she was not going to start now. It was better anyways, not having a partner meant less headaches.

But, apparently, the odds were not in her favor.

A diveleshed looking Remus Lupin crossed the entrance door with his arms full of books, parchments and quills; uniform poorly accommodated and a sad dog look on his eyes, definitely trying to avoid the professor’s rage for being late. His lips curved into a hesitant smile, that to (Y/N)’s opinion came out more as a grimace, and when she thought they all were about to hear a pathetic and improvised excuse from Perfect Remus, the old witch shook her hand into a dismissive gesture and signalised the wooden chair next to the Slytherin girl while she informed him about the task.

Now that Lupin was beside her, shoulders almost touching, she took a closer look at him. (Y/N) had the impression he was sick because of the dark circles below his dull brown eyes, his skin a lot more paler than usual, and the small noise that left his mouth once he sat down, like his chest hurted. She had also noticed scratches and scars on his neck and cheeks, but kept quiet about them too. It wasn’t her place to ask.

The first ten minutes passed slowly, neither of them uttering a word, and listening to the expectations the professor had for the project. Well, more like (Y/N) was the one actually listening, because Remus was busy running through his things while leaving them scattered all around their shared desk and muttering curses under his breath. She watched him with a weirded out expression on her face, eyes narrowing and eyebrows furrowing with her mouth pressed on a thin line, while he read the first lines of a parchment and then, obviously not being what he was looking for, leaving it on her side.

“You forgot the essay, didn’t you?,” she leaned closer to him and whispered in the boy’s ear. He turned around to look at her, but it wasn’t necessary for him to confirm it, (Y/N) already knew she was right.

Picking her satchel from the floor, she took her own assignment, grabbed one piece of empty parchment and, making sure the professor wasn’t looking in their direction, she muttered a spell under her breath. Instantly, the black paragraphs on her paper copied and travelled to the empty one. With another flick of her wand, some of the words transformed, other changed places and a few of them even disappeared. Grabbing one of Lupin’s parchment that had his calligraphy, and corroborating once more the old witch had her back turned to them, (Y/N) copied his writing style to transfer it to the parchment she had just enchanted. With a proud smile on her face, she handed it to him.

Lupin’s face was now a little brighter, of course he still had those horrendous bags, but it was an improvement. His eyes wide and shining with interest, his face less tired and his mouth opened in surprise.

“How did you do that?”

“One of my cousins taught me. Him and his friends had been perfectioning this spell for a long time now,” she mumbled, trying not to catch the other’s attention, while she shrugged her shoulders.

“That was amazing,” an astonish sound accompanying his words, “thank you, by the way, for helping me.”

“Oh no, I don’t accept thank you’s.” (Y/N) sat straighter on her chair, beaming at him while she crossed one of her legs on top of the other. Before he had the chance to ask what she meant, she spoke again. ”I did you a favor, now you owe me one.”

And after that particular conversation, Remus’s and (Y/N)’s destinies were sealed in an unbreakable and everlasting bond.

That following week was spent in the safety of the Room of Requirement, the place where none of their friends would bother them if they happened to see them together, a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, working together. (Y/N) believed it was stupid at first, not going to the library because someone may or may not catch them in such a forbiden act, but it was all forgotten when the idea that she could become the next target for one of their pranks popped in her head. She had seen what they’ve done to other housemates and she never wanted to be in the receiving end of one.

The way the Room looked was another major point in why they continued to meet there. (Y/N) had never visited but she had heard about it and how it changed according to your needs. Right now, the chamber resembled a greenhouse, more beautiful than the ones where they had Herbology with Professor Sprout. All kinds of plants covered the walls (not one was the same as the next), coloured carpets underneath old white marble statues and high columns of the same material, reminding her of all the times she’d read a book about Ancient Greece and it’s Gods. In the middle of the Room were two dark red divans, contrasting against the green on the rest of the place, surrounded by piles of books — (Y/N) had the feeling they were all about Arithmancy and Numerology — and, in the centre, a small coffee table made of wood.

Not even after hours of working in the assignment they were able to finish it in that afternoon. Both of them were perfectionists, ending up in some small arguments about how they should approach certain topics but had also pushed them in coming up with better and more interesting ideas. No one could deny the pair worked marvelously, complementing each other.

To (Y/N)’s astonishment, Remus Lupin didn’t fit the ideal her mind had set a long time ago for Gryffindors. All the ones she’d encountered were boisterous, incredibly annoying, short-tempered and just general prats. The boy with whom she had spent a whole afternoon was utterly the opposite and (Y/N) would’ve discovered that earlier if she’d hadn’t been so prejudiced.

The day the assignment was due to, arrived quickly than expected and with it came a sudden and small pang of sadness that startled her.

When she sat down beside Remus, he had made sure of arriving extra early to compensate the professor for the week before, the boy perceived something was off — his superpower according to his three best friends, he was always capable of reading a person perfectly, even if they hadn’t known each other for too long — because of how she was acting, trying too hard to show an unbothered facade but not hard enough for him to not notice.

The truth was (Y/N) didn’t want this class to start since once it was over so would the partnership with Remus. She had enjoyed his calm and warm company, sometimes a little crazy, in the Room Requirement while they worked on the project. And she was one hundred percent sure she would miss the moments when they both agreed on taking a break after many hours of reading and began to talk about nothing and everything, all at once. Was she supposed to forget that he always carried one chocolate inside his bag, and that he’d started to bring one more after their first afternoon studying together? Was (Y/N) expected to ignore the fact Remus wanted to become a professor because he liked the idea of being there for young people in case they needed someone? Was this girl meant to fail to remember about how this boy had asked his mum to teach him Welsh so they, mother and son, could have one more thing in common?

When the professor dismissed them, not without praising (Y/N)’s and Remus’s essay first, he noticed the girl next to him hadn’t even smiled at the mention of how perfect they’d worked. Now he knew for sure something was wrong with her and Remus Lupin was not the kind of person who saw his friends feeling down and did nothing about it.

Following her across the corridor, he tried to catch her attention but she was either not listening or down right ignoring him. Finally being able to reach her, Remus grabbed her arm softly and called her name in a whisper. She turned around, head low and eyes fixated on her jet black loafers, not looking at him.

“Are you alright? Because if something happened, you can talk to me,” Remus asked in a faint voice, almost swallowed by the noise the other students in the hallway were making, moving his hand towards her shoulder and rubbing tenderly the fabric of her grey sweater that covered her skin, “I know we hadn’t been friends for too long, but you can come to me for anything you may need.”

(Y/N) raised her head after hearing the last part.

“We are?” An incredulous look appearing on her face. “We are friends?”

“Of course we are, (Y/N),” Remus announced while letting out a snicker, as if the thought of the two of them not being friends sounded ridiculous in his mind, “I wouldn’t have shared my chocolate with you if we weren’t. And as a half blood… you are one of the few people who actually understands my movie or book references from the muggle world.”

Her mood better now that she knew Remus considered her a friend and for once since she initiated her education at Hogwarts, she was glad the Arithmancy professor had made them work in pairs.

|||

Weeks and months passed by, and with each one of them the friendship between Remus and (Y/N) grew stronger. There were still several things the Gryffindor was not ready to discuss, like him being a werewolf, his other friends becoming animagi to help him during the nights of a full moon; the creation of the Marauder’s Map and how much he wanted to kiss her whenever she began to ramble about a subject she was really passionate about. He kept quiet, and for several months he came up with excuses, not only for the scars and the nights on the Infirmary, but for the random loss of concentration every time she was too closed to him, cracking up a joke or cursing at the professors for thinking they couldn’t have five minutes without being buried in assignments and deadlines.

His feelings, unknown to him, were not one sided.

(Y/N) wasn’t one to go for the boys she liked, she was used to just admiring them from afar, never making the effort to start a conversation and she was fine with it. But Remus was a whole other story. She knew him, and his fears, and the books he would read over and over again, and how much of a good friend and amazing person he was. And all of that made it even harder for her to take that quick but impossible last step. Her friends had been trying to make her pursue him since the moment the Firewhisky in her system led her to overshare. They’d said he felt the same and for a moment she believed it, but long nights of overthinking convinced her that Remus was just being kind to her, his specialty.

She tried to push her feelings away, to calm her heart that couldn’t stop jumping whenever she saw him smiling, to control the sweat on her hands every time he whispered something funny in her ear; to put a stop to the flips her stomach suffered the moment he said her name; to even her breathing on the occasions he would utter random Welsh words — one of the reason why she started to learn the language four months after their friendship began — to see her confused expression.

One night after a long and stressful day in the midst of their seventh and last year at Hogwarts, while the last quarter moon shined down from above them and illuminated her features, Remus Lupin decided he would honor the reason he was supposed to be in Gryffindor.

Taking a small object from the pocket of his trousers and releasing a shaky breath, he took (Y/N)’s hand to catch her attention. She turned around, looking away momentarily from the moon and the stars, the things she admired the most, grinning softly at him with such alluring eyes.

“I don’t know how to say this and what I’m doing is barely planned, and so many things could wrong but…,” Remus started, taking a large gulp of air before talking again, “I can’t help myself with you sitting there like that.”

She didn’t respond, understanding there was something bugging him and that it was crying out for someone to just let it out.

“I like you and not as a friend, I mean, yes, I do like you as a friend but I also like you as much more than that,” he confessed briskly, shortly after closing his eyes and chewing his bottom lip, “and I did this for you.”

(Y/N) took the tiny object silently, not knowing what to say, and held it up towards the sky so the moon would cast a light upon it.

The minute she realised what it was, she confirmed that Remus’s feelings were the same as hers. With a large smile on her face, she traced her fingers delicately across the wooden figure. It had an intricate design, with two hearts in the middle and two fine lines lacing with each other, reminding her of a simple braid. On top of the heart, were three threads forming a knot.

“It’s a lovespoon, isn’t it?,” she mumbled just to be sure this was all truly happening. Remus nodded, still not knowing if she liked him too, “It’s gorgeous, Rem.”

Locking eyes with her, he didn’t need her to say she liked him back because he already knew the answer. (Y/N)’s eyes were brimming with a few tears, holding such intense emotions and staring at him the way his mum did whenever his dad was in front of her.

“I like you too, fy annwyl un,” she confessed back. A laugh escaped his mouth while he shook his head.

“Since when do you know Welsh, fy nghariad aur?”

“I learned it to impress someone.”

Remus leaned his body closer towards her, putting his hand over her cheek and running his thumb gracefully across it. Both of them shift their weight at the same time to be nearer each other.

(Y/N)’s heart shaking violently in her chest, anticipating what was going to be her first kiss.

“Remember that favor you owe me since last year?,” she reminded him. Their warm breaths mixing, lips so close and yet so far away. Remus nodded slightly as his hand descended from her cheek to caress cautiously one of her bottom lip’s corners. His other hand travelled to the back of her head, intertwining slowly with her hair, “well, I’m asking for it now.”

He smiled while their lips brushed against one another. Taking the lead, Remus finally pressed their mouths together. And it was everything and so much more than she had ever imagined. Eyes closed but still capable of seeing a mixture of red bright fireworks and shining stars.

One of her hands, the one clutching the lovespoon tightly, stayed put on his arm, while the other moved towards his neck, not knowing where else to leave it. Instantly, Remus dropped his hand from her cheeks to her waist, pulling her closer and almost sitting her on top of his lap. He moved her head slightly backwards, making (Y/N) to open his lips more and allowing him to explore her mouth with his tongue.

None of them cared about what the rest of the school would think when they entered the Great Hall, hand in hand, a dark brown lovespoon decorating (Y/N)’s satchel.

Under the moonlight, no one else had felt more alive than them.

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hermannsthumb · 3 years

Note

I know you don't usually write PRU stuff, but if you ever feel inclined, here's a ficlet idea! so: Newt is trying to fight off the Precursors by constantly reminding himself that He Is Human. but whenever newt thinks about what makes him Feel Human, the answer is always hermann. so newt starts conjuring up vivid mental images of hermann (doing mundane, hermann-y things) to ward off the Precursors. bonus point if, like, newt fondly remembering smth innocuous (like the scent of Hermann's chalk dust?) is enough to actually sever the alien mind control.

Anonymous asked: Maria!!! Would you ever write an angsty post uprising prompt? Or even a pre uprising? Anything with Newt fucking around with Kaiju and being sad i am HERE FOR 👏

in honor of the sequel’s 3 year anniversary, let’s try something a little different 👀 THIS ONE GOT AWAY FROM ME RE: LENGTH....I'll leave it up to interpretation whether or not the bonus is wholly fulfilled.... also on proofing this I realized it might need content warnings? so vague refs to disordered eating and alcohol drinking (ie, newt’s body is inhabited by aliens who forget how human stuff works)

-----------

Honestly, Newt’s life has been kind of a shitshow lately. He’s too, like, high strung. Too many responsibilities. Not enough hours in the day to get that shit done. He’s even higher strung than he was during the war, which is nuts, because certain doom was lurking around every corner. Maybe that’s why it’s not that nuts, though. The war was chaotic—and Newt’s fueled (or, used to be fueled?) by chaos. The kaiju were unpredictable. The kaiju didn’t run on a 9-5 schedule. The kaiju didn’t expect Newt to have three new jaeger prototypes on their desk by noon on a fucking Saturday, which is usually the day Newt spends two hours in his expensive bath tub and drinks a nice bottle of wine, and definitely not a day he wants to spend giving himself a stress migraine and shouting at underlings to make themselves useful. On top of that, his usual cafe got his coffee order wrong—when Newt had to run in to get it, himself, on a Saturday morning—and it only had half the espresso shots he really needs for the day. No wonder he’s going grey at forty. Fucking nightmare. Stable employment is exactly the kind of chaos that’s bad for Newt—give him the kaiju any day, thanks.

“Dr. Geiszler?”

Newt pushes his sunglasses up, and scowls at whichever one of his employees has dared to interrupt his catnap. The fluorescent overheads are brutal on his poor eyes right now. The lab needs more natural lighting. Maybe if he complains, they’ll knock out some walls in put in a few more windows. “Did you find any Aspirin?” he says.

Wordlessly, Newt’s assistant passes him a bottle. Newt pops the cap off and takes at least four. The coffee he washes it down with is cold. “How are the last simulations coming along?” he says, flicking his sunglasses back down. He seems to have so many migraines these days. It’s the contact lenses, he thinks—making the switch over from frames so late in the game. Screwing with his perceptions. Newt went thirty years with frames, after all. “We only have two hours before—”

“We’re almost done,” his assistant cuts in. “We’re working as fast as we can, Dr. Geiszler.”

“But are we gonna make the deadline?” Newt says.

She fidgets, and moves her clipboard to her other arm. “Well—we’ve had some—issues.”

Newt stands up with a long sigh. Double overtime, probably. Sunday lost to this shit too. That new bottle of wine waiting for him on his kitchen counter bought for nothing. “Gotta do everything myself, huh? Unbelievable.”

He follows his assistant over to the main lab down the hall, where his team of j-techs are hurrying around. Hardly anyone in proper lab attire—no labcoats—someone in sweatpants—Newt wasn’t the only one who had his Saturday ruined, probably. No one else is going grey, though. “What’s this shit?” he says, stopping in his tracks with one foot through the doorway. The high-tech holo-smartboards have been pushed aside, and instead, someone’s wheeled in a huge…chalkboard.

“Technical issues,” his assistant says. “The other floors are having the same problem—something in the new interface update that downloaded last night, we think. They’re all out of commission. Technology is working on it, but for now, we had to pull that out of deep storage.”

Two of his scientists are scrawling across the board quickly—one with white chalk, the other with pink. They’re debating something in hushed tones. Newt hasn’t seen a chalkboard in years. It doesn’t fit with Shao Industry’s whole chic, sleek, futuristic aesthetic. So—bulky. And messy. “Of course it would happen today of all days,” Newt sighs. The sight of it makes him feel odd, and he can’t seem to drag himself any further into the lab and any closer towards it.

His assistant says something. Newt doesn’t hear—he’s listening, instead, to the squeaking of chalk across the blackboard. So noisy and obnoxious. It reminds him of years and years ago, of working in a grimy little basement, of…

“—look it over. Dr. Geiszler?”

“Hm?” Newt says. It was like a layer of fog had begun to lift from his thoughts, but the interruption sends it rolling right back in.

“I said we’re ready for you to look it over. Only if you want too, of course,” she adds, nervously.

“Uh-huh,” Newt says.

Newt’s never had anyone fear him before, not like his employees seem to fear him—he’s not sure he likes it. His scientists shut up the second he looms over (well—under, Newt’s never loomed over anyone in his life) their shoulders to inspect their work so far. The squeaking stops. One of them lowers their piece of chalk. “Wait,” Newt says, too-loudly, surprising them and himself. They both look at him with the same nervousness as his assistant, like he’s about to start shouting or something. “Keep doing that.”

“Keep…?”

“Writing,” Newt says. “On the chalkboard.”

The scientist frowns at him. “Um, okay,” she says. “What am I supposed to write?”

“Anything,” Newt says. “Seriously. Anything.”

She hesitates.

“Anything,” Newt repeats.

She picks up the white chalk, and writes out her name, then doodles a few random pictures—a DNA helix, a flower, a cat face, a star. Newt shuts his eyes, and breathes in deeply. That smell. He snags the forgotten piece of pink chalk from the ledge. “Can I have this?” he says. He doesn’t wait for them to respond—though they both nod yes frantically, and bewilderedly—before writing out his own name on the board. Dr. Geiszler. It looks wrong, so he writes Newt beneath it. He shuts his eyes, and writes Newt again. Why does he feel like he’s done this sort of thing before? This thing is ancient—before his time at Shao—he wouldn’t have used it before they carted off to the basement. Newt, Newt, Newt Was Here,he writes, Newt +, and then he stops.

He opens his eyes. “Who’s Hermann?” his assistant says.

Newt + Hermann. Newt didn’t realize he wrote it. “Someone I knew,” he says, faintly. “Years ago. He was my—” He swallows. He feels strange. “My colleague?”

Strange. Dizzy. The Aspirin isn’t working. Definitely the contact lenses. He could afford laser eye surgery now, if he wanted, maybe he should look into it. He grips the ledge of the chalkboard, swaying, and grits his teeth; his two scientists back away from him slowly, no doubt worried he’s about to hurl all over their shoes. He might, to be honest. Newt + Hermann. Hermann was his colleague. Hermann was his— “Are you feeling okay, Dr. Geiszler?” his assistant asks. “You look…”

“Tell Shao I’m taking the rest of the day off,” Newt says.

“What?”

“You guys got this shit handled without me,” Newt says. He pockets the chalk. “I’m not—I’m not feeling myself. I think I need to go home and lie down. Seriously, you’ve got it under control—all these numbers look, uh, good, I trust you. If you guys don’t get it finished you can just tell Shao it’s my fault, okay?”

She gapes at him. “Uh,” she says. “Okay?”

Newt doesn’t go home. He goes to the nearest shop he can find instead, and makes a beeline for the art supplies aisle. Only a few boxes of chalk in stock. Four multicolored, two all-white, one yellow. He drops them all into his basket but the yellow, which he rips opens and immediately smells. Newt + Hermann. Hermann always smelled like chalk dust—he always had a fine layer of it on his clothing, patches of it on his blazer, his sweatervest, even on his undershirt. Newt used to tease him for that. He closes his eyes, and breathes in again. Funny—all those baths, all those bottles of wine, and this stupid little box of chalk is what’s finally making him feel calm for once. Quieting down his brain. He didn’t realize how loud it’d gotten in there. When Hermann would kiss Newt, he would sometimes stain Newt’s clothing with chalk, too, and Newt would pretend to be annoyed, but he never really was.

Someone is speaking to him. An employee. They’re staring at him, a cautious distance away, and Newt’s not sure what they’re saying.

His vision’s gone blurry—he didn’t realize he’d started crying, either. He wipes his eyes on the cuff of his blazer and sniffles. “Sorry,” he says. The box of yellow chalk is wet. “Um. Do you have any more of these in the back?”

He takes the bus home for the first time in years, one hand stuffed in his little brown shopping bag the whole time, wrapped around a box of chalk. When he gets back to his apartment (his big, lonely, apartment), he pulls out the only food in his fridge—some leftovers from a Shao Industries event three nights ago—and settles down on his big, lonely couch. He can’t stop thinking about Hermann. Five or so years, maybe more, not thinking about Hermann, and now suddenly—it’s like the floodgates have opened. He thinks about Hermann’s haircut. (Bad.) He thinks about Hermann’s smile. (Silly, and sweet.) He thinks about Hermann’s dumb accent, and the clack of Hermann’s cane on the floor, and Hermann’s chalk squeaking over his chalkboard, and how it felt when Hermann would wrap him in his arms and kiss him and whisper things to him. Hermann’s sweaters always smelled like mothballs and stale cigarette smoke. Terrible combination.

Newt’s stomach growls. He’s finished the small bit of leftovers without realizing, and is apparently still hungry. He would kill for some sushi takeout right now. Or pizza, God. Yeah, it’d be screwing with his new diet and fitness plan—he casts a guilty glance over at his brand new exercise bike, which is gathering dust in the corner by his TV—but he’s tired of doing stupid kale and juice cleanses or whatever, just to please—well. He’s only human.

He is?

He walks up the stairs to his bathroom, and stares at himself in the mirror. Stupid vest. Stupid tie. Neat hair, clean-shaven cheeks, contact lenses. Newt’s only human. “I’m human,” he tells his reflection. Is he human? He felt human standing by that old chalkboard back in the lab, and holding that box of yellow chalk in the aisle of that little shop. He felt human when he was remembering things. Because of—Newt blinks at himself. Because of whom?

“Hermann,” he says, and smiles at the way the name makes him feel. He should text him, maybe.

-------------

“I must say,” Hermann says, “I was quite surprised when I received your dinner invitation. You’ve done a rather fine job of ignoring my calls as of late. I’d thought— Ah, thank you,” he adds, as Newt holds the door open for him. He steps into Newt’s apartment and cranes his neck around, squinting curiously, and then shoves a bottle of red wine at Newt’s chest. Hermann is much more personable than Newt remembers—what little Newt remembers—and he wonders if it’s age or something else. “I’ve been holding onto this one for a while. It’s the one you gave me as a part of a gift for my thirty-seventh birthday—you remember? Oh, but isn’t it so terrifically, er, modern in here.”

“Is it?” Newt says. He’s never given much thought to his apartment before, but he stares around at it now in mild interest. It is very chic, isn’t it? Monochrome. Impersonal. Not something Newt would’ve picked for himself. “Yeah, I had some interior decorators come in and do it for me.”

Hermann arches an eyebrow. “How…”

“Modern,” Newt offers. He puts the bottle of wine on his marble kitchen island. “Thanks for this, by the way, but I’ve actually been trying to cut back on the—” He bites back drinking. No need to alarm Hermann. “—Calories, so if it’s cool with you I’d rather not open it. I’m doing a, um, a new fitness program.”

“Ah,” Hermann says. “I suppose that explains that, then, doesn’t it?” He points at the dusty exercise bike. Newt watches his gaze move from that, to the barren leather couch, to the short staircase which leads to Newt’s shut bedroom door. Newt can practically see the gears working in his head. “Will—ah, what was their name, that little flight of fancy of yours—a dalliance, one might say—will they be, ah, joining the two of us?” He looks at Newt out of the corner of his eye. “Alice, was it?”

“Who?” Newt says, blankly.

Hermann breaks out in a broad grin, which he quickly tries, very badly, to turn into a sympathetic frown. He pats Newt’s arm. “There’s the spirit, then, Newton! All in the past, I presume? Hardly any use in dwelling on a broken heart. Then again—it’s not as if you were together long enough to warrant those sorts of dramatics, were you?” he says, cheerily. “What I mean is—certainly it wasn’t as if you had any sort of deep or emotional connection with—?—oh, I’ve forgotten the name again.”

“Uh,” Newt says. He’s not really sure who Hermann’s talking about, but just based on that fact alone, he would assume Hermann is right. “I guess not?”

“Precisely as I expected,” Hermann says, with a satisfied nod. “Rotten grounds for a relati—for a fling. You deserve far better, Newton.” Hermann touches Newt’s arm again, and this time, he doesn’t move his hand. It makes Newt’s skin prickle pleasantly. “You look well these days, though I admit it’s a bit of a shock to see you without your glasses,” Hermann continues, flicking his eyes up and down Newt twice. He lingers on Newt’s left hand, over the bare spot where—until this morning, when he suddenly realized how stupid it looked and yanked it off—he was wearing that Elvis ring. “Ending things must be treating you kindly. I don’t suppose I could dash to your loo?”

“Loo?” Newt says. “Oh, right. Yeah, it’s that door there, right off the living room.” He drops down onto the leather couch. “Knock yourself out. I’ll be right here.”

Hermann disappears into Newt’s bathroom, and comes back out three minutes later with combed hair, a straightened collar, and the vague smell of cologne. He’s tucking a small bottle into his top pocket. “I found a box of hair dye in your medicine cabinet,” he declares, smugly. “I knew there was no bloody way that was natural. Though I’m not surprised it fooled Alice.” He rests his cane against the glass coffee table and sits down next to Newt. Right next to Newt. The whole sofa to pick from, and he’d rather their thighs touch. Newt doesn’t mind—actually, the contact is strangely grounding, like Hermann’s hand on his arm had been earlier. He’s here, in his living room, with Hermann, his friend Hermann, his colleague Hermann, his—well, question mark—Hermann.

“Hermann, can I ask you something?” he says. “Something important?”

“By all means,” Hermann says, leaning in and fluttering his eyelashes. Even over the cologne, Newt can still make out that mothball-chalk-smoke smell.

“Do you take your coffee with sugar?” he says.

Hermann laughs. “Do I—what?”

Newt repeats the question. The smile slips off Hermann’s face, and he draws away, furrowing his eyebrows. “Well,” he says, “yes, usually, only I’m not sure what—”

“Sugar, and some milk,” Newt says. “It was the same with your tea. And you had a mug that you would use—you wouldn’t use any other. It was blue, and it said—” He exhales through his nose. “It said TU Berlin. That’s where you got your PhD.”

After Newt sent Hermann a text about dinner last night, he sat down with a pen and pad of paper and made a list of everything he could remember about Hermann. He started with what Hermann looks like, and who Hermann is, and then moved into the harder stuff like what Hermann likes and the sort of things Hermann used to do. He stayed up all night doing it, until his hand cramped and his head hurt even more than it had that morning, and then recited it over and over to himself in a whisper as he fell asleep. Hermann has brown eyes. Hermann likes blackberry jam on his toast. Hermann wears little glasses on a chain. Hermann uses a cane with a tiny little nick in the brass of the handle. The list is in his pocket now; it makes Newt feel calm, and even calmer when he reaches into his pocket and touches it. He exhales again, hard, and then inhales. “We were together,” he says. “When we closed the Breach, you told me you loved me.”

“I did,” Hermann says, quietly.

“I said it back,” Newt says.

Hermann nods.

Slowly, Newt reaches out and puts his hand over Hermann’s. Hermann makes a strange noise in the back of his throat—like a sigh, or maybe a groan. His pulse twitches erratically under Newt’s fingertips. “I bought chalk,” Newt says.

“You—” Hermann echoes, his voice choked. “You bought chalk?”

“It reminded me of you,” Newt says.

He’s not surprised when Hermann kisses him, but he is surprised at his knee-jerk reaction: to pull away, or push Hermann away, and to order him to get out of his apartment. He’s surprised, because those aren’t his thoughts. He doesn’t want Hermann to leave—he wants Hermann to stay longer, and kiss him more, and help him remember more. “Oh, Newton,” Hermann says. “Newton, Newton—” He moves his mouth to Newt’s neck, kissing, breathing, and whispering his name, and Newt shuts his eyes and forces himself to remember his list.

“Tell me things about you,” Newt begs. “I want to remember you.”

Hermann’s laughter, hesitant and confused, comes out in a puff of hot air against his skin. “Remember me?” he says. “I’m not sure— Are we not a bit—?”

“Hermann,” Newt says.

He grips the back of Hermann’s sweater, digging his nails in Hermann’s skin through the layers of fabric. Hermann must hear the urgency in his voice, because he shakes his head with another laugh, kisses Newt’s jaw, and says, “Well, alright. What am I even meant to tell you?”

“Your favorite color,” Newt says. Hermann kisses his chin. “Your favorite song. No, wait—” He nudges Hermann away from him, just enough so that Hermann can see him smile. “Tell me what you like about me.”

“Feeling rather egotistical tonight, aren’t we?” Hermann teases. He reaches out and brushes his fingers through the side of Newt’s hair. One of the spots Newt dyed—it was too grey. He catches Hermann’s hand by the wrist and pulls it away gently, but only to press himself up against Hermann’s chest instead. He can feel Hermann’s heartbeat. “I like—hm,” Hermann says. “I like your stubbornness. I like your passion. I like…”

His voice vibrates in his throat—Newt can feel that, too. He listens.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #if Alice was a real person her picture would be on Hermann's dartboard #it probably is anyway #Anonymous

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