#it may also be the social anxiety and obsessiveness but if I put it in a meme template I don't have to deal with my problems

[sweeterthansucrose]

#i am sherlocked #sherlock holmes #bbc sherlock #sherlock bbc #sherlock #johnlock #sherlock x john #it is what it is #it may also be the social anxiety and obsessiveness but if I put it in a meme template I don't have to deal with my problems #😎😎😎😎😎 #(it may also be the massive crushes I have on most of the cast - the bar is in hell and neither sherlock or moriarty are #on the side of the angels)

[batterygarden]

aot relationship hcs

Ft. Eren, Armin and Mikasa

Sfw but no minors on my page pls, these are miscellaneous and sillly.. I wrote them in a haze after my melatonin kicked in yesterday…like 1 or 2 suggestive ones in there

Eren

He plays basketball (he’s rlly good 😔) and if you come visit him on the court he dribbles the ball around you rlly aggressively like “try n block me!” and you just stare at him straight faced because he is exhausting

He is simply the most DRAMATIC man alive. Like if you don’t give him endless attention, hold his hand, climb on him, act borderline obsessed with him… he might explode. If you go 24 hours without playing with his hair he is wearing all black and mourning your lost love… cause you must just not care about him anymore!

He’s also kinda a neat freak… another opportunity for his dramatics. If you leave a dirty dish in the sink for more than half an hour he is turning up in a hazmat suit like baby…. i can’t handle how dirty the kitchen is rn. (He’ll do the dish for you)

Casual shoplifter even though he can truly afford all the things he steals

He probably commits tax fraud too

Bad driver but over confident as hell. Driving almost 50 in a residential like STOP :/

Also… hello mr oral fixation. He’s constantly got a necklace in his teeth or something… and that’s all fine and good till you find YOUR OWN PERSONAL BELONGINGS in your boyfriends mouth god. Like give me back my nice pilot G2 pen you animal >:(

Takes rlly long showers and uses up all the hot water AND your fancy conditioner. He is definitely one of those product stealer men…

He also borrows ur claw hair clips and never gives them back 😔

Randomly pretends to beat up the air in front of you u like put ‘em up!! And you’re never sure how to react. Like you’re standing there doing the dishes and he assumes fighting stance and starts punching ghosts till you give him attention.

Armin

Accidentally rolls his eyes ALL the time. Like he doesn’t even mean to his face is just automatically sassy when he disagrees w something. But he’s self aware. Sometimes he’ll do it and you’ll pause mid-sentence then he’ll catch himself like WAIT SORRY. I didn’t mean to do that. 😔

Makes you dandelion chains without you having to ask.. or puts dandelions and other wildflowers on you all the time… in your hair, in your pocket, in the little holes where your shoelaces go.

he’ll just fiddle w your things absentmindedly CONSTANTLY… he’s simply a fidgety guy!

Like you’re sitting in the grass talking to him and he’s nodding along like Mhm Mhm… while he repeatedly zips and unzips your bag… rolling up and unrolling the straps etc.

but sometimes the thing he is fidgeting with is YOU. Your hands are a favorite… especially your rings and any jewelry you may wear 😮‍💨 this man is having a field day spinning the metal around your fingers.

He’ll sometimes over explain things/accidentally go into extreme detail and you’ll tease him for mansplaining. But a lot of the time he’ll the OPPOSITE of mansplain things and use words way too big / poorly dumb down the most CONVOLUTED subjects and you’re like slow down there mr graduated college early 😔 .. say that again as if I were a 5 year old please

His sport of choice is… wait for it… track. Yeah this man’s a runner… occasionally a hurdler… he’s got stamina.. have u seen those CALVES when he’s the colassal ! Major swoon

Pretentious as hell ab the music he listens to. Gatekeeps even…. NO PUBLIC PLAYLISTS.

He gets bad anxiety the night before work and stuff… also picks apart social interactions after they happen… generalized anxiety disorder king!

He’s a gossip of course…. Literally will give you a million looks mid social gathering that say “we’ll dissect this later”

Does weird only child things every day without realizing

Like arranging the Tupperware a specific and less efficient way than you and getting mad when you don’t put yours away like he wants it

Or getting annoyed when you don’t burn his candles a very specific way that apparently is “more efficient” 🙁

He also NEEDS alone/recharge time… social stuff can get exhausting to him!

Mikasa <3

Good w cars… best with cars out of the three hands down… she’s your personal mechanic 🥺

She’s also miss quiet road rage over here.. she seems calm and collected but she is cursing the entire lineage of the minivan driver that just cut her off in traffic.

Eats up some reality tv… and is embarrassed about it 😔 she asks you not to tell people she’s rewatching season 10 of the bachelor rn

Aggressive as hell to ucky men in bars / clubs… or just in general

Like “back the fuck off before I beat your ass” kind of aggressive… very protective of you and any woman ever in these type of situations

& she has the skill to back up her talk!! This woman is a martial artist/ full time gym rat… she is *strong*. You need not worry about your safety no matter the situation when you’re with her.

Her critical nature towards men nicely contrasts how much she LOVES bimbos lmao. Extremely forgiving and patient towards bimbos… she’ll explain things to you so so gently.

She’s somewhat shy with direct flirting before you’re official… kinda nervous to ruin whatever dynamic you two had going on to begin with.. but once your feelings are out in the air this woman is getting a medal for her direct communication skills.

“I need you to hold me really tight right now, I’m feeling kind of anxious.”

“I want you to kiss me please! Need to feel your pretty lips”

“If we were alone right now I would have you fully ***** and ********* *** ** ** ****** ****.”

perpetually cold hands.. and she warms them by sticking them in YOUR shirt or even occasionally your pants. Just sticking em in there and then staring at you like she’s doing nothing wrong … staring at you like you’re NOT getting goosebumps on your ass cheeks rn

Once she gets comfortable, Mikasa is CONSTANTLY TEASING YOU RIGHT WHERE IT HURTS.

like it starts light, creating a little inside joke or two, like making fun of the special way you prepare your sandwiches or how you make the bed.

But then you catch her giggling to herself one day and you’re like aww what’s so funny ^_^ and she says she was thinking about that time you embarrassed yourself in front of her parents 😔

But then sometimes if she’s not in the right mood she’ll get all sassy if you tease her back. All “okay but I didn’t say it like that 😒.” Then she’ll pinch you.

She texts like .. full punctuation and everything. At first you thought she was mad at you every time you got her notifications till you got used to it.

She looks KILLER in turtlenecks it’s ridiculous

#eren x reader #armin x reader #aot x reader #mikasa x reader #eren jaeger x reader #aot headcanons #snk x reader #eren yeager x reader #armin arlert x reader #eren fic #armin arlert headcanons #eren yaeger headcanons #mikasa headcanons

[clementine-writes-things]

Edward Nygma Headcanons

(I am combining both Pre-Riddler and the Riddler era):

He is DEFINETLY on the spectrum. Bro is the definition of autism.

If you are also autistic (shoutout to my autistic ass) you guys will stim together and you both respect each others sensory issues.

He specifically likes 2 marshmallows in his hot cocoa. It is the perfect ratio. Any more and it is too thick for him to drink once the marshmallows melt. Any less and it messes up the ratio.

He loves working at the GCPD and he truly wants to be friends with his coworkers. He just has very bad social anxiety and he doesn't know how to start a friendship.

He hates being ridiculed at work and he tries to stand up for himself a lot, but he isn't that brave.

He is an EXCELLENT cook. Like seriously. Gordon Ramsay would be impressed.

He takes care of the stray cats in the alley next to his apartment. Sometimes he leaves his window open so they can find shelter from the rain when the weather is bad.

He is the SWEETEST soul alive OH MY GOD. He would give you the shirt off his back to cover a puddle for you. And if he for some reason didn't have a shirt, he'd lay across that puddle and have you walk over him. He's just very gentleman like and polite.

If you work with him at the GCPD he will leave riddles on your desk and if you are able to solve them before the end of the day, he will buy you a snack from the vending machine for every riddle you get right.

He may not look like it, but he works out. He goes to the gym regularly and has a very toned body. He has muscle, but it's not overboard. He is toned just enough so you can look at him and think "Oh, he probably goes to the gym often."

Because he is autistic, he is able to deal with serious situations. Hence, why he is so good at forensics. People call him a psycho because of this.

The only people who acknowledge Edward for his achievements is you, Jim Gordon, and Oswald Cobblepot.

He likes to write poetry and read poetry a lot.

He's a huge bookworm

He is also a big history nerd

He gives the absolute best kisses. He likes to gently hold the back of your head and put his other hand on your hip.

When he became the Riddler, if you two were dating, he would keep trying to get with you again. He would always be in love with you. He would make a theatrical statement, like when he spoke to the cadets, and he would use that (if it was broadcasted on tv) to announce his love for you. You tried to ignore him.

If you two WEREN'T dating, he would try and get on a date with you. Again, he is OBSESSED with you.

He is pan. Tell me I'm wrong.

He doesn't like PDA but if he feels like someone is eyeing you, he'll put a protective hand on your shoulder, thigh, etc. He'll also plant a kiss on your head.

He makes you a lunch for your work and writes your name on it. If he's feeling extra happy, he'll even put stickers on the bag.

He is such an ally. He goes to pride parades a lot, even after he became the Riddler. He is DEFINETLY the type of person to write his pronouns and preferred name on a name tag at gatherings. And we love him for that.

He has a tic where he licks his lips and it causes his lips to get chapped a lot. He carries chapstick everywhere.

He will do anything for his friends. He never had friends growing up, so he wants to keep the friends he has now. He likes making people happy.

You're really the only one who hangs out with him outside of work.

He likes karaoke and going to arcades

He will go to Barnes and Noble to get books, and he'll end up reading a whole book at the cafe.

He collects comic books and plays video games a lot.

He LOVES playing piano.

OK, here comes the NSFW stuff guys...prepare..

He is 100% a top. No questions about it. Before he became the Riddler he wasn't quite sure what he was. He liked to be in charge, but he wasn't as confident. After, though, he REALLY liked to be in charge.

He doesn't really have many kinks, he kind of goes with whatever. He does like a bit of BDSM though...and biting...and choking...and spi-

He doesn't believe sex is a crucial part of a relationship. He cares more about trust and love. So, he doesn't get sexual much. But, when he does.... its crazy.

He likes to ask Riddles during sex and if you get them right he uh...use your imagination for this one.

HE GIVES AMAZING ATERCARE LIKE OMG

He'll cook food, take a shower/bath with you, and watch a movie or show of your choice.

#fanfic writer #writers #gotham #edward nygma #the riddler #fanfic #headcanons

[lackablazeical]

💕🕊Chizu Miyamoto🕊💕

Specific trigger warnings -

Minor themes of transphobia (rare), Eldest Daughter Syndrome, emotional neglect, guilt

Specific boundaries w/ this character -

Do not ask invasive questions about Chizu's transition ('What is her deadname', 'what's in her pants', etc.)

General info -

Chizu's birthday is October 5th. She is a Libra ♎️

Chizu's love language is Gifts.

Chizu is straight, she is attracted to non-women exclusively.

Chizu has moderate anxiety which manifests in obsessive-compulsive behaviors like cleaning.

Personality traits -

People-pleasing, a doormat, occasionally stubborn, patient, caring, gentle, traditional, somewhat manipulative.

Chizu is a doormat with most, but she will be extremely stubborn and stand her ground with anyone she dislikes. Basically, she's stubborn when it matters.

Non confrontational, but passive aggressive. She will make snippy comments and use 'because I said so' as a justification for an instruction.

She is slightly manipulative, as she's learned how to plant the seeds of her own beliefs and wants without appearing like she's trying to start a fight.

Chizu is astoundingly patient. She is willing to put up with a lot, and it takes quite a bit to get her fed up. When she gets fed up is when her passive-aggression tends to come through.

Chizu doesn’t communicate her needs, and struggles to express emotions. Chizu is bad at accepting help for this same reason.

Important details -

Her beliefs -

Chizu’s element is air.

She feels a strong connection with birds, especially cranes, as well as wind.

If it's windy, Chizu will do things like allow her fur to air dry in said wind. She also keeps track of the direction the wind is blowing in.

Chizu carves her own wind chimes to pray at, as well as birdhouses or birdbaths.

Chizu collects bird feathers, feeds birds, and treats them with high praise and care. She helps assist tending any birds they keep on the Miyamoto estate.

Her beliefs about Usagi's death -

Chizu blamed herself heavily for Usagi's death, as she was unable to heal him in time and her reviving spell seemingly didn't work.

Chizu secretly kept a box of photos/items of Usagi's to save them from getting taken/destroyed. They are some of her most treasured items.

Her relationship to Raph -

Raph and Chizu are close friends.

Chizu likes that Raph is quite thoughtful, and admires his care for his family and love of the simple/small things in life.

They share interests in having deep discussions, as Chizu is patient and gives Raph the time and space he needs to properly mull over questions and think of a response. They also both enjoy tea parties.

Raph also adores how soft Chizu is, so Chizu often lets Raph stroke her ears or something similar when they are together. Chizu loves Raph snuggles!

Neither one of them are very social or high energy, and simply enjoy getting to be around eachother and relax in peaceful quiet.

They both bond over being oldest siblings, especially oldest siblings to accident prone brothers.

Chizu’s magic is able to quickly and easily calm Raph down/put him to sleep if he is in a rage, so the Hamatos may call her to avoid any extra damage to their lair.

Fun facts -

Chizu’s favorite food is black bean buns, and her favorite drink is white tea.

Chizu likes woodcarving as well as jewelery making. She often makes little statues of her family.

She tends to be an enabler to her mother's bad behavior, as she doesn't want to 'start a fight' or make things worse.

Chizu is very defensive of others, but she may accidently speak FOR the person, instead of letting them get their own say.

She needs to be productive, and will always give herself a job or project to keep busy. She is insecure about not being needed.

Chizu enjoys drawing, but rarely has time to do so.

Chizu’s guilty pleasure is rom-coms.

Chizu smells like flowers.

Chizu loves makeup and doing her nails.

Chizu has fairly strong mystic magic, and she is able to cast spells both normally and through song.

Voice claim [Nicole Maines] -

Tags that include Chizu -

#addams! Chizu, #addams! Rizu, #addams! Miyamotos

[mysisters-bike]

Did Dylan have OCD?

TL;DR at end of post

Sue described Dylan showing a gifted-level of intelligence at a young age, being fascinated by projects that require tedious step-by-step instructions and being particularly enthralled and talented with origami. He was described to be precocious and a fast learner. 

Beginning in childhood, he was heavily focused on perfectionism. He would become humiliated, and sometimes angry, when losing games. While Sue describes that he eventually evened out, she ponders if, as parents, they inadvertently taught Dylan to suppress his emotions.

Perfectionism in children is often a sign of a gifted individual, but these behaviors can begin to facilitate negative patterns if left untreated. High-intensity perfectionism during adolescence can immobilize a child and cause issues in school and social adjustment problems (Callard-Szulgit, 2012). 

Affrunti and Woodruff-Borden (2015) measured a significant correlation between perfectionism and negative behaviors in children. The most notable behaviors observed included: increased anxiety, childhood depression, and worry. Over time, these behaviors can align with or develop into anxiety disorders and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). 

Dylan had difficulties sharing toys with others and would go to the extent of hiding them. Unfortunately, he displayed concerning social behavior that was indicative of something like OCD being probable. I theorize Dylan may have not only struggled with perfectionism, but OCD as well, since unchecked perfectionism can blossom into such a disorder. 

To further this theory, Sue herself writes, “...I have thought a great deal about Dylan’s need to convince himself and others that he was completely in control. It was part of his nature from early childhood. While we were proud of this trait when he was young, I wonder now if that pride was misplaced. Because when Dylan really did need help toward the end of his life, he did not know how to ask…Dylan’s commitment to self-reliance obscured how much he needed help at the end of his life. It unquestionably contributed to our inability to see him as troubled.”

OCD is not only defined by repetitive behaviors or obsessive cleanliness, which is how it has been popularized. You may be familiar with such sayings like, “OMG, that disorganized bookshelf makes my OCD crazy.” OCD is, yes, characterized by repetitive behaviors or the fulfillment of compulsive thoughts (For some, this may be over-cleaning), but it is more-so truly defined as obsessive thoughts, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and a recurrent need to fulfill a compulsion to “subdue” the troubling thoughts according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (5th ed.; DSM–5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013). A need for control can also be significant in understanding OCD.

TL;DR: To put it simply, Dylan learned to mask his emotions to trick others into believing he was more capable of being self-sufficient than he really was. Understandably so, this would make it very difficult to try and outwardly meet Dylan’s emotional needs if he was unable to convey them.

#dylan klebold #eric harris #true crime #tcc #coumbine #true crime community

[resiliencewithin]

April

Oh April

I need to reframe you.

I’ve been spiralling 🌀 since Thursday. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night with an anxiety attack, had two crying episodes and had an impending sense of doom flavoured by complete overwhelm and catastrophizing. Just drowning.

Okay.

Reframe April as a “test.” I have not had this many demands on my time in a while (personal, professional and social— oh my!). Though the last 3 days may not show it, I’ve made a lot of progress, so let’s put that progress to the test. What are my limits? What can I handle? Even if this test is a complete “failure,” it will be informative for the future.

Reframe socializing as fun. When I look at April all my brain is seeing is introvert hell. Houseguests?! Twice?! Socializing multiple times a week?! Objectively, there is very little time for myself. However, I have to remember that these social moments, while draining, will also bring enjoyment and connection. Like last night’s wine tasting! And postponed Easter!

Reframe my view of myself as capable. I recently bossed a stressful, overloaded week. I came out of it virtually unscathed. I can do hard things. I know my brain is struggling to believe it because it sees a month of overload before it, not a week, but hey… maybe I can handle that too.

Things that will help:

Remembering that burnout is not an inevitability but a worse case scenario/catastrophic thought. I am not psychic. I don’t know how the month is gonna go.

But if I do burnout and need to recover from it (that sucks) I can because I have from much worse than anything this month can do.

Hold as fast to bed time as I can. Sleep will be important.

Find or make (boundaries!) pockets of self care and alone time where I can recharge. Be sure to savour and appreciate them.

Limit ‘whole month’ thinking/planning/obsessing. Yes, some future thought is necessary but dwelling in it is not. One hour at a time.

#mental health #mental illness #positivity #self love #self care #resiliencewithin struggles

[takeme-totheworld]

I often see sentiments floating around my corner of the internet like "neurodivergent people tend to run in packs" and "neurodivergent people only struggle to socialize by neurotypical standards, put a bunch of neurodivergent folks in a room together and they'll understand each other much better," and while those things are no doubt VERY TRUE, I've realized recently that my mind has also turned them into a weapon that I use to invalidate myself constantly (because I DEFINITELY needed more of those /s).

Because most of my social circle is some kind of neurodivergent (because of the whole tendency to run in packs) and there are plenty of misunderstandings and conflicts to be found there, including many issues directly related to our neurodivergences. Conflicting sensory needs. Differing responses to anxiety or overwhelm or trauma that bump up against each other. Different cultural backgrounds and assumptions informing how our brain things get expressed.

It's rarely as simple as "one person was just being a jerk."

It's also rarely as simple as "one person is the Less Neurodivergent Person in this situation, and that person is guilty of not being accommodating enough of the More Neurodivergent Person's needs, and if they would just be better at it that would solve all our problems." As much as my rule-loving brain often wishes for that to be an equation I could run on every interpersonal conflict I've ever gotten myself into, in order to accurately determine who is responsible for fixing it.

I was raised by a single parent (who is no longer alive) who, in retrospect, was almost definitely autistic. I'm now starting to wonder if I may also be autistic. If you didn't know anything else about me or my parent you might be inclined to assume that we understood each other really well and got along great. And in some ways that was true—we definitely vibed out on similar wavelengths when just chilling around the house, in ways that the average observer would no doubt have found very weird—but in other ways it was VERY VERY NOT TRUE. And I'm not even talking about the big things, like the fact that they were super religious and did not handle my transness well. I'm talking about little ongoing things as I was growing up that messed with me in far more subtle but deeply engrained/long-term ways.

My parent was never diagnosed with autism (or anything, they had a deep distrust of mental health professionals and avoided them at all costs). They were also the product of an extremely Southern U.S, passive-aggressive, "guess culture" sort of boomer upbringing and cultural background and, I suppose, internalized that heavily in order to survive. So the assumptions, expectations, and messaging I received around certain things growing up were...a giant confusing mess, frankly. Being raised by an almost-definitely-autistic parent, in this case, did NOT automatically equate to being raised by someone who always communicated with me in a way my (also-possibly-autistic) brain was able to grok easily. There were certain things about which they would seemingly go to any lengths to avoid making direct asks about, and then they would get EXTREMELY annoyed and hurt when I seemingly ignored their unspoken requests.

So I learned to be REALLY GOOD at sussing out hidden asks from people and responding to them. Because over time I became anxious and hyperalert about the possibility that I wasn't doing things the people around me expected me to do and they were quietly seething about it (and/or deeply wounded by it). That thing a lot of neurodivergent people say about making an intense study of like...casual social interactions and small talk in order to be able to follow all the confusing unspoken expectations more easily? I did a bit of that, but it was a far lower priority to me than this. What I did kind of obsessively was make a study of deciphering the language of unspoken/soft asks and guess culture rules, so I wouldn't constantly find myself failing to deliver on things I didn't even know were being asked of me.

For a long time I wondered if this made my assessment of my parent's likely autism incorrect even though they were otherwise a textbook example in almost every way. The frequent and intense emotional dysregulation and sensory overwhelm, the shutdowns, the unusual body language/vocal inflections/facial expressions and the inability to parse those things in others, the social discomfort/awkwardness and isolation, the adherence to rigid routines, the narrow interests, the way they would repeat certain words and phrases frequently...I could go on. But they DIDN'T have the stereotypical "extreme directness/say what you mean no matter what" pattern of communication. And neither do I. Because of a cultural upbringing factor.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I have a million different examples like this in my mind of ways that my neurodivergent friends/family and I have miscommunicated and confused each other and triggered each other and come into conflict in spite of (or in some cases, because of) our neurodivergences. But just explaining this one example has already gotten many paragraphs longer than I meant for it to be.

And while I wouldn't for a second trade my people for a pack of neurotypical folks—both because I love my people exactly the way they are, and because I'm sure the rifts in communication and understanding would only be that much bigger and more frequent if I was surrounded neurotypical people instead—hanging out on the neurodivergent internet has sometimes given me this false expectation that finding a neurodivergent social circle is THE key to a magical wonderland of perfect community and harmony where nobody ever feels alienated or misunderstood. And that has definitely resulted in A LOT of thought spirals of me going, "So what's wrong with me, then? Why do I get it wrong so often even with other neurodivergent people?"

I think the answer is: because people get it wrong with other people often. That's just what being a person is like.

#personal #neurodivergent #actually adhd #possibly autistic #possibly audhd #guess culture #it's complicated

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Propaganda why Marinette Dupain-Cheng is insufferable:

She easily gets away with bad, stalkerish behavior, it always feels like she can ‘do no wrong’ unless the show wants us to pity her, and the show writers want us to think she is a quirky and socially awkward girl when throughout the series we see her be friends with basically everyone in Paris with many connections to high up places.

I get she has social anxiety but the way she goes about stalking Adrien is kind of the worst like she even has creep shots of him hanging in her room? That’s weird. I think Adrien’s going through enough without having to deal with the main character being his stalker lol. I know they’re (spoilers) at this point but in the beginning it was so sus

In the newest season, Marinette hides the fact that Hawkmoth was Adrien’s dad. This leads to the bastard getting a statue and honored as a hero after his death. Adrien now never gets to know the fact that his abusive and neglectful father was the one trying to kill him and is instead proud of him.

Her crush on Adrien is like a black hole for her character. Things she’s done because of it:

1) stolen property

2) ruined dates

3) humiliated other characters

4) has a chart of Adrien’s daily schedule for the next year in her room (this is stalking)

5) broke into his room and sniffed his pillow (also a crime)

6) sniffed, took the hair from, and tried to kiss what she thought was a wax statue of Adrien

7) convinced her parents to let her go to China. Why? Not because she wants to connect with her mother’s heritage, not even because she’s a budding fashion designer and Shanghai is considered a fashion hotspot. It’s because Adrien was there.

shes annoyinng anf shes a stalker

I love fanon miraculous but by god she has got to stop obsessively stalking her crush and generally making a ton of other terrible decisions. I’d submit Adrien too but he’s more of a deuteragonist

I started the show, watched one episode, and never tried again. I simply do not vibe with her.

More propaganda

Anti propaganda

Propaganda why Katarina Claes is insufferable:

Irredeemably stupid. The story frames it as her 17 year old mind waking up in Katarina’s 8 year old body. Yet she is still even more of an idiot than all of the actual 8 year olds in the story and shows no growth over the next ten years. At one point, all the other main characters defend her from accusations of bullying by saying she’s too stupid to have been able to do it.

Also, the Verge of Destruction side story was much better than the original series because her fears of banishment and running out of time made sense.

1) She’s an idiot, and not even in a funny way. One of my pet peeves in isekai is when the MC refuses to recognize when the story has changed. Her whole thing is that she keeps prepping for when she gets banished. But, she’s not going to be banished because she took care of all the problems when she was like 6. Bad relationship with fiancé? Fixed. Bad relationship with family? Fixed. Bullying? Prevented.

2) The harem is ridiculous. The people in love with her: her fiancé, her fiancé’s brother, her fiancé’s brother’s fiancée, her childhood friend, her adoptive brother, 2 dark mages, and etc. (There may be more, but I stopped reading after one of the dark mages kidnapped her then got away scotch free).

3) If you want a good dumbass MC trapped as the villainess of a dating game read “Observation Record of a Self-proclaimed Villainess’ Fiancé”.

Guy who kidnapped her pins her down and puts his face against her neck. She then feels a pinch and notices a bruise/hickey on her neck in the mirror. Her response was “Oh! A bug bit me and he was just trying to get it off :D how nice of him.” I hate the oblivious to sexual harassment trope.

#marinette dupain cheng #miraculous ladybug #katarina claes #my next life as a villainess #insufferable protagonist poll #insufferable protagonist tournament #tournament poll

[randomfoggytiger]

Updated! X-Files Mulder Trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn?

I've seen various takes on Mulder's and Scully's trauma and stress responses; and I wanted to autopsy the issue carefully to reach a conclusion. We're focusing solely on Mulder here-- but! Scully will get her own post in future.

Kitsunegari Sums Up Mulder's Trauma Responses in One Scene

Mulder is too late to stop "Scully" from pulling the trigger against her temple, screaming in agony as she drops to the ground, "dead."

He then cycles through all of his First and Secondary Trauma Responses (will be discussed below):

Running up in horror, then plastering a smile in sickening denial--

Mulder attempts to feel a pulse. There is none. Scully is dead.

His grief overwhelms him-- an aggravated and more violent (if shorter) version of his sorrow in Redux II-- scrabbling at her scalp and shoulders, silently screaming into her face, before turning away so as not to vomit.

He mentally starts to drift;

but denial-- denial, denial, denial-- holds sway as he pops his head back up, reenergized,

vainly feeling for a pulse once again, eyes desperately and obsessively focused on his partner.

There is no hope.

Mulder is now losing all control, probably gearing up to an epic meltdown of Biblical proportions-- heavy breathing, desperate eyes, nothing to grasp at or solve or hold onto--

when he hears a noise. A reprieve. A focus. An enemy.

Furious, he snatches a gun and levels it at Linda Bowman, spitting in his fury

...but doesn't fire.

And allows "Bowman" to talk him down.

And further, when "Linda" fires, Mulder flinches, puts his gun up as he dissociates (looks down to his mid-left)-- freezes, if you will-- and doesn't fight back, expecting to die.

This is Mulder's Trauma Responses in full: Freeze-Fight.

He will also begin to repeat this cycle in Milagro (if shorter-- because Scully pops up, alive, sooner.)

Why Mulder Is Primarily a Freeze Type

I'm going to include this entire segment from Pete Walker's Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (see notes at the bottom for more info) because it's such a powerful piece of Mulder-psyche that it should stand on its own:

"A Freeze Response is triggered when a person, realizing resistance is futile, gives up, numbs out into dissociation, and/or collapses, as if accepting the inevitability of being hurt.... The Freeze Response, also known as the Camouflage Response, also triggers a survivor into hiding, isolating, and avoiding human contact.

The Freeze Type can be so frozen in the retreat mode that is seems as if their "Starter" button is stuck in the "off" position.

Off all the four Fs, Freeze Types seem to have the deepest and conscious belief that 'people' and 'danger' are synonymous.

While all 4 F Types commonly suffer from social anxiety as well, Freeze Types typically take a great deal more refuge in solitude.

Some Freeze Types completely give up on relating to others and become extremely isolated. Outside of fantasy, many also give up entirely on the possibility of love."

These Types have learned from a young age that fighting back will only get you punished and that fleeing will only get you reprimanded; so, they collapse inwardly instead. Dissociation becomes the name of the game, coasting through life without being attached to it, accepting its blows and distracting themselves from reality with either fantasy or the pursuit of a fantastical idea they want to achieve.

Frank Spotnitz said it best when he reflected on Mulder's character growth and seeking 'The Truth': ""You can't get the truth. You can't. There's a larger truth, though: that you can't harness the forces of the cosmos, but you may find somebody else. You may find another human being. That may be kind of corny and all of that, but that's really it: Love is the only truth we can hope to know, as human beings. That's what Mulder and Scully found after nine years. And that's a lot."

But what about those moments when Mulder runs at danger, demanding answers and yelling down the sky?

**Edit: This is the section i had to refurbish based on proper research.**

Secondary Trauma Responses develop when circumstances are so extreme that a person's initial trauma response is not removing them from danger fast enough; and they then develop a second polar opposite response in the hopes that this will help. More often than not, it simply becomes a ping-pong whiplash between one extreme to the other. The four Hybrids are Fight-Fawn, Fight-Freeze, and Flight-Freeze. In Mulder's case, if he stays frozen for too long he will very quickly become very dead; thus, Mulder developed a secondary response: Flight.

Freeze-Flight (or Flight-Freeze-- potato, potatoh) Types

Below is an excerpt from Pete Walker, but it's so completely Mulder that I have nothing else to add:

"The Flight-Freeze Type is the least relational, most schizoid hybrid. He prefers the safety of "do it yourself" isolationism. The Fight-Fleeze Type avoids potential relationship traumatization with an obsessive-compulsive dissociative two-step. Step One is working to complete exhaustion. Step Two is collapsing into extreme vegging out and waiting until his energy reaccumulates enough to relaunch into Step One. The price for this time of no-longer-necessary safety is a severely narrowed existence."

(**Note for the below paragraph: the author is not talking about alpha/beta in the current, dilapidated vernacular. Think of it as an academic term describing more aggressive or assertive behavior as compared to more passive or dismissive behavior.)

"The Flight-Freeze cul-de-sac is more common among men, especially those traumatized for being vulnerable in childhood. This then drives them to seek safety in isolation, or "intimacy lite" relationships. Some non-alpha type male survivors combine their flight-freeze defenses to become stereotypical technology nerds. Telecommuting is, of course, their preferred modes.

Flight-Freeze Types are the computer addicts who focus on work long periods of time and then drift off dissociatively into computer games, substance abuse, or sleep binging. FF Types are prone to becoming porn addicts: when in Flight mode, they obsessively surf the net for phantom partners and engage in compulsive masturbation. When in Freeze mode, they drift off into Right-Brain sexual fantasy world if pornography is unavailable. Moreover, if they are an intimacy-light relationship, they typically engage more in with their idealized fantasy partners than with their actual partner during real-time sexual interactions."

An interesting note: these types are often misdiagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, which explains why some fans theorize that an Oxford graduate-FBI field agent might be on the spectrum (Mulder isn't: it's a symptom of him coping very, VERY badly.)

Mulder's Freeze-Flight response kicked in sometime after his sister's abduction, since his primary Freeze response "prevented" him from saving her (even if he couldn't do anything to help.)

Since then, Mulder has buried all trauma or deep emotion in the bowels of his work in the basement, printing them out as X-Files to brand his work as his life.

For all of Mulder's talk about disliking others for dismissing something that cannot be explained, labeled, or categorized, when he can't do it himself, he goes berserk: first freezing, horrified, before he launches with righteous fury into his work, demanding answers and running himself ragged.

A potent demonstration of Mulder's yo-yo-ing Freeze-Flight Response is the Russian Roulette showdown in Pusher: Mulder more readily accepts his own death than Scully, terrified but determinedly compliant... until she becomes the next target of Modell's mind games.

It's a pattern that has already been established since her abduction, and which repeats for her cancer (and every perilous moment after and in-between.)

An important

There are countless examples where Mulder disconnects from reality in the face of great grief, ala his father's death, CSM and Diana Fowley's oily plan in One Son, and-- especially-- his mother's suicide.

In all these instances, Mulder immediately ran into work mode, trying move the world by force and come up with an explanation-- any-- to make everything right. When he is forced to sit and deal with tragic loss, his Flight peters out, leading him back to square one: an unhealthy Freeze Response.

Luckily for him, Scully is a stable, reliable support; and coaxes him into properly grieving by not sugarcoating the Truth, thereby helping him turn into healthier coping mechanisms (if he wants to use them-- he doesn't in Paper Hearts, but he does in Sein und Zeit. Baby steps.)

In short: Mulder is a Freeze-then-Flight man.

Why Mulder Isn't a Fight, Flight, or Fawn Type

To make quick work of this, I'll rely mainly on Pete Walker quotes again and add my commentary after his statements:

"A Fight [Trauma] Response is triggered when a person suddenly responds aggressively to something threatening.... Fight Types are unconsciously driven by the belief that power and control can create safety, assuage abandonment, and secure love." Extreme Fight Types often become bullies or narcissists to their loved ones as well as their enemies if left unchecked. They are demanding, demeaning, and punishing, equating strength as exerted power over someone weaker. They usually grew up in homes where they had to fight back against physical abuse or protect others from it. This translates to a bitter outlook on the world, always suspicioning the motives of others in cruel or judgmental ways.

(Note: Not much of the above is directly related to Bill Scully-- or Bill Mulder, even, see my previous post about him here-- but his natural bent is Fight above the other 3 F Types. Doesn't mean he's a bully or a narcissist; just that those would be his extremes.)

As we have seen through the entire series, Mulder as an atypical American masculine archetype: he does not resort to violence, preferring to save victims and even villains, willing to give everyone a second chance (and, by extension, giving backstabbers a clear target for their next strike.) The only time he has exerted violence over another was as a last possible extreme to stop a threat (shooting Modell, shooting the Peacock brothers, shooting Schnauz, shooting Roche, etc.)

Back to Walker:

"A Flight Response is triggered when a person responds to a perceived threat by fleeing; or, symbolically, by launching into hyperactivity. .... Extreme Flight Types are like machines with a switch stuck in the 'on' position. They are obsessively and compulsively driven by the unconscious belief that perfection will make them safe and loveable. They rush to achieve. They rush as much in thought in action, compulsion."

I will be talking about this response a little bit more in a follow-up post; but the core with this character is their ability to distract themselves from their problems into oblivion. Mulder's pains and sorrows and traumas are a constant of his life, eating away at his heart and shoving themselves in his face every day. The difference between his obsessive work ethic and a Flight Type's work ethic is the motivator: he is dabbling in his fantasy, building empires from ideas and discovering new kingdoms with every possibility; while Flight Types have ceased to function at all, robotically going from task to task until they overload or shut down.

And, lastly, back to Walker for the Fawn Trauma Response:

"Fawn Response is triggered when a person responds to threat by trying to be pleasing or helpful in order to appease and forestall an attacker.... Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others. They act as if they believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries. The disenfranchisement of the Fawn Type begins in childhood... learns early that a modicum of safety and attachment can be gained by becoming the helpful and compliant servant of... exploitive parents." (As an aside, this Type is also formed from having at least one narcissistic parent.)

While Mulder is often used by those around him, he never loses the core of who he is to their abuse: when Phoebe comes knocking, he may set aside the case to (try to) get some hotel action; but he's still self-aware of his and her actions, disentangled enough to self-deprecatingly (and knowingly) smirk when he catches her red-handed with another man. When his father or mother weave in and out of his life with their soft or outspoken demands, he doesn't bend from the Truth, risking his relationships continually for It. He is willing to tell Scully to her face she is lying to him; and he is willing to sacrifice what new closeness they've achieved if he believes she's being purposefully blind or obtuse. Mulder, while reliant on Scully as his human credential, is not co-dependent on her: he can stand on his own two feet, even if she were to walk out of his life. The wounds would go deep; but he would dissociate from life (like he had in Little Green Men) not erode away completely.

(As an aside, that's why probably why Mulder would have committed suicide in Gethsemane but not during the Break Up Years TM. Post IWTB Scully, while she had walked away from their life together, was still a part of his reality; whereas, S4 Scully would have been dead, deceased, gone from existence... and Mulder could never escape that, no matter how much he dissociated from it.)

How Mulder Can Use His Freeze Response Healthy

In a nutshell, a person should work through their traumas so they can pick among the 4 Trauma Responses for the healthiest outcome in each situation: Fight for healthy boundaries, Flight for healthy retreat and perseverance, Freeze for healthy awareness and distanced assessment, and Fawn for healthy assertive listening and peacemaking. Unhealthy childhoods create fixations on one of these four; and it takes a while to learn the patterns and triggers in one's life and how to manage them.

For Mulder, he grew exponentially through the years, becoming less detached and more engaged with "life on this planet" (growing from a sarcastic S1 recluse to a more emotionally honest person in S2 to a more openly supportive person in S3 to a transformed heart-on-his-sleeve man in S4-5 to someone who can find joy in S6 and peace in S7 and recreation in S8. Is there canon after that?) So, as it stands, he's doing just fine. Because if one truly searches for the Truth it might not be aliens: it might just be a whole, happy life and how to enjoy it.

And there you have it, folks!

Scully will get her own follow up, soonish (though if you don't want to wait that long, she's a pretty obvious *spoiler* Flight Type. No one's really surprised because of what happened in Fight the Future.)

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

*Note*: There are four main trauma Responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn (taken from the book Complex CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker-- see Disclaimers section below for info.) In short: Fight Types responds to stress by physical intimidation or verbal bullying; Flight Types run as far as they can from danger or distract themselves from it as much as possible; Freeze Types disassociate, seeing fight and flight as futile and becoming numb to life; Fawn Types try to win favor from their oppressor, leaning co-dependently on others.

**Note**: Most of the information was obtained from Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker, a private counselor and lecturer for thirty-five years. As a victim of CPTSD himself, he made a study of its victims and helped craft a system for CPTSD recoverees to understand themselves and progressively heal. (Highly recommend his book-- excellent.)

***Note***: I will ghost edit later. Brb.

#txf #meta #xf meta #x-files #xfiles #the x files #Mulder #Fight Flight Freeze or Fawn #4 F Trauma Responses #Kitsunegari #S5 #analysis #Frank Spotnitz #quote #Fight #Flight #Freeze #Fawn #trauma #he's doin' all right #Updated

[chickenkupo]

Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Coop! I'm Girl_In_The_Chicken_Suit on AO3, welcome to my journey of venturing into the world of writing as well as other hobbies like never before. I'm your typical weeb that's a little obsessed with husbandos and wants to write them in silly, fun, dramatic, adventurous stories that hopefully you all will enjoy as well. I'm an avid anime watcher, manga reader and gamer. I'm mainly starting out writing for Genshin Impact but I hope to expand that one day!

I'm hoping to get a little bit more experience with writing through this platform, provide teasers/updates on in progress works, and eventually meet my goal of writing my first novel! I'm currently in the very early stages of that, but fingers crossed, one day I will get there!

This post I will keep pinned with links to all of my written works on AO3, as well as little scribble works I may post here with some summaries and all that good stuff. I'll probably end up reworking this post a million times over, so no, you're not crazy if you come here and see one template for this, come again and it's a whole new situation.

Thank you for paying me a visit, and I hope I can provide you with some entertainment during all of your doom scrolling!

Funnily enough, I just recently picked up writing and oh my gosh, I honestly did not expect you all to like my writing style of my chaotic little stories. I actually started out on social media mainly to promote my cosplays! I've been a cosplayer for about 10 years now and have wanted to go more in depth with it, so a majority of my socials are heavily invested in that. If you're interested (and want to witness my chaotic self even more), check out the links below!

Socials:

Instagram: HolySoulA

TikTok: Britasin

Twitter: ChckenKupo

Twitch: britasin

AO3: Girl_in_the_Chicken_Suit

Cosplay Tumblr: Britasin

FanFiction Works:

AO3 Works:

Coming Home: Neuvillette/Wriothesley

The world is going through hell, literally. Vampires are roaming the villages and cities under the cover of night, taking humans left and right as livestock, or worse. Humanity has grown to have minuscule hope, but some have decided to rise and defend what little they have left. Enduring intense training since the moment they could hold a weapon firmly, the Vitae Linea have fought against the vampires for years, an ancient organization that wields more power than your average human.

Even with them on humanity’s side, hope is still nearly nonexistent.

Wriothesley, having worked his way through the ranks of organization, has become one of the most coveted members. Through his unique fighting style, sheer strength, and knowledge of the arcane, he has become somewhat of a legend between the two races.

As his battle against the creatures of the night continues, he catches the attention of a certain Vampire Lord who wishes to put his skills to the ultimate test.

Just how does this Vampire Lord know details of himself that he has never shared with anyone else, ones he has hidden even from everyone? Why, also, does this man seem so familiar to him, where even his body recognizes him with ease?

I Promise: Neuvillette/Wriothesley (Part 1 of Judgement & Punishment)

Wriothesley is known for being organized, calculating and strategic when it comes to being the Duke of the Fortress of Meropide. However, when it comes to his own safety and personal well-being, he is severely lacking, and this doesn’t go unnoticed at all. Many of his colleagues, comrades and even the love of his life are witnesses of this dynamic every day.

Especially that certain hydro dragon lover of his that’s completely smitten and obsessed with him.

Unfortunately, all it takes is one near-fatal encounter for Neuvillette to give into his anxieties and instincts, making a rash decision that will prevent Wriothesley from ever coming close to another dire situation like this again.

A rash decision that may be as fatal with consequences as the one fateful encounter did.

Now for the Next Act: Neuvillette/Wriothesley (Part 2 of Judgement & Punishment)

Fontaine has successfully dodged a catastrophic crisis, though not without a great deal of loss. Many citizens have gathered around in support of each other, relying on the previous roles of leadership to give them hope that things will return to how they were before. Hope is abundant, spirits are now high, and the future seems so bright.

Neuvillette has faced many challenges within his long life, and helping to rebuild a nation that has had so much instability in the past will not prove to be easy. Not only does he have the weight of a nation on his shoulders, but he also has a newly claimed mate that consumes his every waking thought, worry and love.

Wriothesley notices that his lover isn’t quite the same since the day Fontaine was saved from imminent destruction, but the frantic activities within the Fortress of Meropide have kept him completely distant from his mate.

Both men are working hard for the nation that they love, to keep justice and order together in harmony once more. However, the whispers of the former archon keep echoing through Neuvillette’s mind, and the longer he ponders, the more he realizes that what he and Wriothesley have is something to be proud of.

Teaser at the end...

The Worthy Treasure: Zhongli/Reader

To steal from a dragon is unacceptable. To try to escape one, is even worse.

When a certain dragon sees you in the crowd, he simply can't get enough. Everything about you, he wants to keep for himself.

If only you had trusted your instincts.

You Listened, Now Stay: Venti/Reader

The time for Weinlesefest is upon Mondstadt! The people are merry, bright, and full of cheer as they celebrate all that which brings them together in the form of favored alcoholic beverages! It’s certainly a time to enjoy, and enjoy they do! This time of year, the Anemo Archon truly delights as he takes the bountiful offerings made out to him.

Especially the offering he ends up taking for himself.

You were just trying to do the right thing for everyone, including yourself.

Boy, Do I Hate You: Scaramouche/Reader

You just wanted your life to go back to normal, before the Vision Hunt Decree.

You wanted your friends back, safe and sound.

You definitely didn't want this vision and a Fatui Harbinger after you.

Tumblr Exclusives:

Comfort Care: Neuvillette/Wriothesley

After handling the incident with the Beret Society, Wriothesley begins to doubt his self-worth. His lovely partner offers him a moment of reprieve to remind him of his true value.

Happy Birthday, Duke!: Neuvillette/Wriothesley

Wriothesley was never the one to celebrate his birthday, opting instead to keep it hush-hush, and devote himself to his work. Maybe he gets a fine dinner from the Coupon Cafeteria, or makes one extra cup of tea for himself, but that's normally it. Just a nice, calm day is all he wanted.

However, a certain hydro dragon has different plans for his mate this year, and he's not about to let Wriothesley escape or avoid enjoying it.

I Just Want My Tea: Neuvillette/Wriothesley

*Tumblr early access, will be posted to AO3 as well*

Wriothesley, the busy man that he is, doesn’t notice that his tea stash is getting rather low, no thanks to Sigewinne taking her share since she considers it payback for what Neuvillette and him put her through once he was claimed. It wasn’t until after a shift at the Fortress of Meropide, however, that he noticed this. After going to the home that he and his mate, Neuvillette, share, he vows that the next morning he will run to the nearest grocery market to take note of their goods, and purchase some more that suit his tastes perfectly. He drools just thinking about it. 

However, Neuvillette is starting to feel a sort of odd heat beneath his skin recently, and it only gets worse as the days go by. He constantly finds himself staring at his love when they are together, and when they are apart, he can only think of having his man back in his embrace, littering him with possessive affection and a viscous need. He’s finding it hard to let Wriothesley go anywhere without him, now, this heat feeling like it is reaching its peak. 

But, the man desperately wants his tea, and the dragon wants his man. The compromise? Why, of course the dragon sovereign is going to turn into a little noodle version of his full dragon form, and go with him! Why, you ask, would he do this?

Well, how else is he going to pleasure the both of them while out in public?

TLDR: Horny noodle dragon is in his heat and tries to get freaky with his mate while he just wants to do some simple grocery shopping. Chaos ensues.

Just My Luck: Neuvillette/ Wriothesley

(I caved and also shared this on AO3, because it was so damn long)

The lands are ruled by ruthless gods of various levels of power. Humanity is only a means to an end for their endless desires, if they happen to gain their attention. Many lay low, do what they can to appease the gods and try to live their lives out, as best they can, given the circumstances. Wriothesley is one such mortal. Having committed a great crime as a young boy, he’s constantly fleeing from his past. Little did he know; however, his constant misfortunes lead to his destiny, and it is most certainly not what he was expecting.

Just My Luck Chapter 2: Neuvillette/Wriothesley

As Wriothesley and Neuvillette continue their sensual activities, more starts to develop about his current situation and steps moving forward. What's this about the claim law? Why is he having to meet with other people? One final return to his land? A single wish?

Wait, he didn't ask for this choker!

Not Expected: Neuvillette/Wriothesley

Happy Birthday, Neuvillette! Sorry I was so late to posting it D:

Fontaine continues to see better days ahead, as many friends and families have come together to help one another prepare for a happy season for them all. The Neuvillette's birthday and the Fontainalia Film Festival are finally almost here, the laughter of children and others alike are finally returning to the streets once again with creative celebration and games. Those within the creative arts have come together to perform for the crowds, engaging them to have their Fontain sparks return to their souls as the nation begins anew, and a celebration of the infamous Iudex was never one to miss. All is well for most citizens…

Except for a certain hydro dragon.

Shouldn’t Wriothesley be wanting to spend some time with him, leading up to the Fontainalia Film Festival? Especially Neuvillette’s birthday, since that’s also right before the event? Why then, is Wriothesley suddenly out during all times of the night? Coming back with a scent of another, and avoiding any sort of confrontation that concerns his whereabouts?

Neuvillette loves his soulmate dearly, but he has questions that must be answered, and he can be a rather demanding dragon when the need arises…

Treasure Hoard: Neuvillette/Wriothesley

As Neuvillette returns from his spontaneous trip from Liyue and delivers some gifts to Wriothesley, the duke starts to notice odd things happening around their shared living space. More objects keep appearing in their bedroom, treasures that don't make sense to Wriothesley such as shells, trinkets, gemstones and even various different type of tea cups. He swears up and down he hasn't been the one to purchase any of these goods, and when questioning Sigewinne about it, she's just as lost as he is.

What exactly is going on, and why does Neuvillette seem so pleased with himself?

Story Eggs

These are short stories that I have had stuck in my mind for a while that have the potential to become full works. I've decided to finally start writing them all out, and if it garners enough want and I feel like I'm ready to write more, it will become a full work, either a single chapter or multi-chapter release on AO3. This gives me the opportunity to share more writings with you all, while also testing the waters on my ideas and you not having to wait a million years. It's a win, win! In my opinion, at least. If the eggs get enough love from both myself wanting to write more, and you commenting or kudo'ing a decent amount, it will 'hatch' into a full work! Get it? I thought it was clever, at least!

Domestic Days: Neuvillette/Wriothesley

Summary: Modern AU. Just your normal average every day domestic life with the two husbands and their adoptive daughter. Only, not so very normal, but so very adorable in the end.

Warnings: Mention of violence, death, and emergency medical situations.

Thank you for all of your support, it means the absolute world to me! ♥

#genshin impact #neuvillette #wriothesley #fanfic #genshin fanfic #smut #genshin smut #soulmates #husband material #hydro dragon #mihoyo #fontaine #tiktok #socials #scaramouche #x reader #reader insert #enemies to lovers #genshin venti #venti #zhongli

[elesmyly]

Hello hello, may I request more info of the killermare siblings? Because they look so silly and wanna know more about them :33333

HAII!! I'm so happy that you like 'em!

MERCILLES

She is 19 years old, so she's the oldest out of the them. She has been an actress since she was seven years old, since Nightmare had the Power and money to do that, and she's really good in horror movies! She always dresses gothic, with the colors withe, black and purple. She's also lesbian.

When she was really little her life was okay, She didn't get traumatized (surprisengly) in any way...BUT (!!!) When she was 13-14 (because the phases of her Life have really specific ages hehe) she is a obsessed with dolls at a point where She only feels safe if She carries around one of them, because of the neglect she had from Nightmare. Even if Killer tries to be a good father and to be here for Mercilles, she still is more affected from Nightmare. She became really quiet and she was also developing a social anxiety because of how nervous she started getting. She was still famous for her roles in movies, so She was two different people at home (an insecure kid Who had mental breakdowns often) and on set (a pretty and okay teen star). The only people in her life (exept killer) that were there for her were her best friend Taylor and her girlfriend Viorel.

As she grown up a bit, she realized everything Nightmare did to her and started hating him. As soon as she turned 18, she bought her own house, with the Money she got with behing a celebrity, with her girlfriend Viorel!

So, She continued behing a (gothic) movie actress! She is trying to heal from her past, and Viorel is really helping her because she is really affectionate gf.\⁠(⁠>w<⁠)⁠ﾉ

MIDNIGHT

She is the Twin sister of Moonlight, both 16 years old.

She is emo (how she acts, dresses and music taste) and has anger issues. She always looked mad at everything and everyone, but not really as anger but mostly annoyed. As a child her and Moonlight were always together because she had no friends and Moonlight liked staying with her even if she acted bossy. She used to always dress boyish and steal Moonlight's clothes because She hated girly things. She used to always be mad and negative, wich sometimes amused Nightmare but It could also get on his nerves when she would yell (wich was often). She would also feel putted apart from getting most of the attention from people because Moonlight was the favorite and stuff, so she would often hit him out of rage.

She is really reserved and doesn't really like people, she doesn't really like school either (because in my au school EXISTS), she's really and introvert that would Just stay in her room all day reading fanfictions (she for sure is mentally ill)

She does not know her sexuality, maybe she's straight, maybe she's aroace, Who knows? She doesn't really care.

MOONLIGHT

He is the Twin of Midnight, but they are Polar opposites. He Always dressed feminine, even as a child, because in the multiverse there's no really the tought of 'female' and 'male' clothing, since they are skeletons...

He is gay and dates Charcoal sans (wich does not belong to me).

He has adhd, so he was very energetic as a child, and was really dumb (not because he had adhd, but because killer is his father). He would do anything Midnight told him, often getting in trouble. Him and his sister really needed attention 24/7 or else they would end up breaking something.

Since childood he had two best friends, Erica and Pastel. As they went to High school, they were kind of the 'mean girls' (the movie!!) but they pick on who does sonething to them in the First Place, sometimes...

He is the only positive one of the siblings because he didn't get traumatized as a child, he was kind of the favorite ig?? Because his sisters would get yelled at because they knowed what they were doing, but Moonlight didn't even think on his own- (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠)

And uhm.... That's all the lore i can think of right now, feel free to ask more questions, I would really appreciate it !! :3

#mutual ask #elverse #midnight sans #mercilles sans #moonlight sans #killermare shipchild #killermare #killer x nightmare #nightmare x killer #lore #oc lore

[bugie-love]

Yandere Leviathan

He knows what he is and has no plans of letting you find out. You may be nice but nobody wants yucky otaku like him obsessing over them.

He makes excuses for himself when he steals your things or gets possessive. I mean he is literally THE Avatar of Envy he can’t help himself it’s not like it’s something you would notice missing. Just a few shirts…and pants…and maybe a bra or two…and once you left your underwear out but that’s one you. (Even if it was in you own room.) If you ever do notice something’s missing he likely to suggest mammon or just not say anything at all. It’s not like your going to accuse him of anything. He already has so much social anxiety you wouldn’t wanna make that worse. Not when he just started to come out of his shell around you.

He tries to keep his tendencies under control and to himself. Harmless stealing and a few hundred photos whenever he can. (He collects them in albums like a fan would there favorite idol) as he gets more comfortable obsessing over you he also gets bolder. Putting cameras in your room, a tracker in your phone and eventually he gets tried of sharing your attention and starts using the new found knowledge of you to his advantage.

A few nasty rumors about you spread through the school like wild fire, of course he used his influence over peoples envy to give it a boost. Soon enough your completely ostracized and your schedule is free. He will comfort you of course and try to distract you from the cruel things people are saying. If all goes according to plan you won’t have anyone left to turn too, but if a few stubborn friends still try to stick to you he’s not above getting rid of someone one permanently.

The absolute last thing he need is for you to give anyone else your action. He’s wants your attention and eventually your affection 100% of the time.

If for some reason you reject him when finally he gains the courage to confess his love to you. He will lash out… at first. He’s angry and probably throwing something defiantly scaring the shit out of you. You have never seen him like this. WHY would you reject him he’s always there for you and his goes out of his way to be kinda and affectionate. He even turned off his game for you when you came to him crying about getting bullied.

He will eventually calm down. If he’s honest he expected this, someone like you would never actually want to be with him. He’s gross and possessive and the absolute worst. Luckily he has a back up plan. Hell invite you over to his room to apologize. A movie night just like always. You do nodice that he’s a bit to giddy though, but you brush it off and pay attention to the movie.

He has trouble keeping calm as he watches you drink the soda that he dumped the love potion into. Soon enough you’ll be just as I love as he is.

#obey me #obsessive #obey me headcanons #yandere leviathan #obey me leviathan #obey me imagines

[lovebirdgames]

To the ready...

This is my last devlog and final reflection before Band Camp Boyfriend releases. We started working on the game in 2015. We released the demo on Itch.io in 2018. We got our Steam page up in 2022. Now here we are in 2023, almost eight years later. We’ve been working towards this moment for eight years.

To be honest, it’s a little bit scary. My anxiety can’t help but whisper, “What if they hate it?” but thankfully logic growls back, “They won’t.” The most important thing is…I love it. I love it and I’m proud of it, and I’m here to reflect on everything and thank everyone for their hard work. Band Camp Boyfriend was once an idea in an instrument truck and today it is a reality thanks to you.

I may use “I” and speak from my perspective here, but I am only one half of the soul of this game. My sister’s heart, creativity, memories, and talents also make up Band Camp Boyfriend. She is just the shyer of the two of us and not as present on social media. So while I speak from my heart, know that it also comes from Alex’s.

Alex and I came up with the characters and stories together. We bounced ideas on band fields, long walks, and over coffee. There are so many warm moments of us barely able to detail our scene ideas in between peals of laughter. Together, we crafted it into better versions, constantly improving on it. As we worked, we covered for each other’s flaws. Alex is the perfectionist between the two of us and she is the more knowledgeable one when it comes to music, as she majored in it. She also was able to do the math and figure out the tough programming. Then she taught me—I am not the perfectionist, but I am the workhorse, the motivator. I am obsessed with checking things off my list and constantly working to whittle it down. And while her writing style is to carefully hone each paragraph, mine is to just devour. I sit down and I just write—though I like to say the characters write themselves. I’m just an invisible presence within the story, writing the scene as it plays out. If you know the characters deeply enough, you always know what they’re going to say next and your fingers fly across the keyboard just to keep up. But enough about me.

Band Camp Boyfriend is the kind of game that absolutely needs an original soundtrack and by God did Alex create an incredible one. The themes, the motifs, the fine details. She has put so much thought and hard work into the music of this game. I have no idea how she does it. It’s magical to me. It adds so much to the game and heightens the emotion by tenfold, and I can’t wait for you to hear each song—from “Let It Slide” to “Swan Song” to the full band performance of the alma mater and that final song in the credits. Every single song brims with Alex’s talent, passion, and hard work.

And honestly, I am blessed to have her as my sister and my best friend. Thank you, Alex, for sharing this journey with me.

One talent my sister and I do not share between us is digital art. We write, we program, she composes…but sprites, CGs, backgrounds, GUI? That’s not something we can do. So we commissioned artists we found on Lemmasoft Forum and I’m so grateful to have found them when we did.

Bunny, our background artist, created the entire world of Band Camp Boyfriend! She worked with us closely to make sure the details were right and was so sweet. It was so cool to be able to move around the world she created and help capture the shots that we wanted. Potouto (now Khoaisama) was also wonderful to work with. She is so full of talent and creates amazing, unique GUI for many different visual novels! Also, I love her enthusiasm. And our chibi artist, Mayunnaise, has created some of the most adorable chibis I’ve ever seen! Thank you all!

I want to say a special thanks to Flora, our sprite/CG artist who was so incredible to work with. She was patient, devoted, talented, and granted us art even better than we imagined…seriously, I would lose my mind over everything she sent us…but one of the best things we attained on this journey was certainly her friendship. Flora, you are a fantastic human being with a wonderful sense of humor! I’m glad you will finally, finally get to see your stunning art in action. Thank you for sticking with us as we kept spinning in circles. “Okay last round of CGs…actually, can you do one more round? Actually, just one more CG. I swear this time it’s the last one, I swear!” She also needs to be commended for her dedication to nailing all the detail on the instruments. That’s not easy to do. Flora, you rock. I hope you love the game.

Next, our stunning voice cast. They brought these characters to life in a way no one else could, better than we ever could have envisioned. Seriously. Their talent made me love these characters even more, which I didn’t realize was possible. I’m sorry for making you all wait for the game so long and I’m thankful you continued to reprise your roles throughout the years when we asked for more lines. Joe, Jonathan, Wish, Jared, Richard, Joseph, Mark, Emily, Melody, Daisy, Daniel, Lasli, Angelo, Riley, Sara, and Steve…thank you from the bottom of my heart for lending us your incredible talents. You are all spectacular voice actors and lovely people.

And I could never forget my fantastic friends who helped beta test the game! Becca, Karen, Kristin, Ross, Chris! Thank you all for lending your time and for being my friends through thick and thin. You each brought your own talents to testing and really helped me to clean up the game. Ross the genius also helped with programming and I am extremely grateful to him and his brilliant mind! Programming the Extras menu was no small feat and I don’t think we could have done it on our own and still met our deadline. Thank you so much for offering your time and working so hard.

We are sorry to cast, crew, and fans that creating the game took so long. This is a hobby and a passion rather than our full-time jobs, and you only have so much time for hobbies as an adult. Life can easily get in the way and we certainly faced our fair share of life changes and hurdles these past 8 years. We often beat ourselves up for not finishing the game in 2020 as we had initially hoped, but I believe this is what was meant to be. The game only got better. Some of the early story decisions make me cringe. Some of the writing I revisited was written by someone with less life experience and a bit tone-deaf on real issues so I was able to fix it. Most importantly, a final route (which was previously going to be DLC for later on) was added and wraps up the game wonderfully. Band Camp Boyfriend was meant to be released in 2023.

I want to thank both of my parents for their unending support through it all. Our dad helped us with the business side of things, getting the game copyrighted, and the joy of taxes. He wholeheartedly supports us in whatever we do, though he is a tad skeptical that a game called Band Camp Boyfriend will sell many copies…so we’re gonna surprise him, right guys? :)

As for my mom…I owe the fact that the game is finally on the cusp of being released to her. She has been our biggest supporter and fan. She has spent hours helping us program and running tests on the game. Until the very last minute, she scraped through the game to make sure there was no crashing. Before that, around two years ago, she sat me down and asked what she could do to help see this special game finally become a reality. It was a major turning point and we owe her so much. Her love of the game kept us going.

Love you both more than words can say. <3

Finally, I want to thank all of the people who have contributed to the wonderful memories and hilarious quotes that have found their way into Band Camp Boyfriend. The three different marching bands I was lucky to be apart of. And to my favorite, hilarious band director and my wise, gentle French horn teacher, who are no longer of this world…thank you for fostering in me a strong love for music, for seeing a talent in me that I couldn’t always see, and for building me into a stronger person. You both left this life too soon, but your impact in so many lives remains. I wish I could show you the game Alex and I created, the game that you helped inspire, and make you smile one more time.

I know some people will look at the hokey title and think it’s just another dating sim, just another gimmicky game, but to some of you, I hope it will be much more than that. As it is to me. It brims with a life of experiences. But not just mine—I’m sure so many of us who have worn a marching band uniform have had the same experiences. And through these experiences, we are connected.

I’ll say it once again, even though it won’t be the last time you hear this: Thank you for playing Band Camp Boyfriend. I dearly, truly hope you love it. I hope the game makes you smile, makes you laugh, makes you cry, and I hope you carry the characters, their lessons, and their story in your heart long after you get that final CG. I’ve carried Band Camp Boyfriend with me for almost eight years; I am so ready to share it with you.

See you at band camp.

-Taylor

#final reflection #game development #devlog #band camp boyfriend

[astriiformes]

Poking and prodding at my brain now that I have another potential dose of context for why it melts down and spirals over things so often and like. Putting everything in a list there really is a pattern I should have been paying more attention to probably, but have always just identified as bad anxiety or neurodivergent quirks

That said, it is also making me feel immensely lonely because I have lots of neurodivergent and anxious friends I've gone to for advice over the years, but I'm realizing that my possible pure-obsessive OCD and scrupulosity tendencies may be why I've often responded poorly to their attempts at help. Which is good to understand, and ultimately may help me tell them what I do need but. Also means I am suddenly hyper aware of how irrational the stuff I can't help but meltdown over is, and feel really stupid for it and also like the people I'm closest to aren't going to have much advice for me.

Anyways. For my own connecting-the-dots purposes. Some very normal thoughts I have had breakdowns over before:

As a kid who was raised Evangelical, had a pretty classic case of the religious/blasphemous intrusive thoughts often associated with OCD that caused me an immense amount of distress. This one has calmed down entirely now that I have extricated myself from that environment, but also for a couple years after leaving the church I would have similar thought spirals literally any time someone mentioned the concept of the afterlife/hell.

Adjacently, the second part contributed to me having a fear of death so intense for a while that I once broke down crying in my mom's car during the 7-minute drive from my dad's place to hers on a night where there were no other cars on the road because I was so convinced we were going to die in a car crash.

Unfortunate fact: I was trying to get into Discworld at the time and read Mort while all this was going on and my opinion of the series has never quite recovered.

.......Have multiple friends very into Discworld and used to spiral any time it got mentioned because it felt like a moral flaw that it stressed me out so much because I shouldn't feel that way about something to important to my friends, and additionally felt like it would be, essentially, thoughtcrime to blacklist it.

(This is better now and I am probably going to give the books another try, but for a while I was very stupid about it)

Spent actual years searching for a place to buy gatorade powder that wasn't Walmart or Amazon even though I need it for actual health reasons, because they were the only places I could find it and I have an obsessive avoidance of both companies and couldn't bear the thought of buying from them for the first time in years. Over something I needed. For my health.

Opposite of the Discworld problem: some of my friends have problems with a TV show I like which means I have spent entire evenings crying myself to sleep with guilt because obviously I cannot like things that the people in my life are bothered by

I am not joking I missed class regularly as a result of the last one for several weeks, I was so distraught.

And like I also have dealt with a lot of other things over the years, including really upsetting intrusive thoughts (usually of the "what if something violent and gory happened to you and/or your loved ones," variety, with a side of self-harming and suicidal thoughts -- being a really visual thinker makes this particularly terrible) and constant spiraling over perceived social/moral missteps.

And I guess I'm feeling kind of frustrated because so many people have latched onto the more... hm... relatable I guess aspects of my anxiety in ways that have made me think the above are like. Normal for someone with really bad anxiety (and trauma too, I guess, though I think that really is the source of some of them) and I've fallen into beating myself up over not being able to overcome mine the way everybody else seems to. And now I still don't even entirely feel like I'm allowed to self-diagnose any of this as OCD specifically but I'm also realizing that there is something much more fucked up and irrational happening in my brain than I thought because I just assumed this was how mental illness was for everyone and I was just. Really bad at managing it.

#maybe there is. maybe there is something going on here

[hms-no-fun]

i both really wish (and dont wish) cohost had a similar ask system to tumblr because im 300% more comfortable on that website than this one but ive had this particular burning question since i binge read godfeels during a covid ridden fugue

The more general version of this question is: how has optiministDuelist been involved in the writing of godfeels 3.1? (or even the future parts you're working on, if you can do so without spoilers)

The more specific version that makes this a question better suited towards you rather than shooting the question towards optimisticDuelist, and is rather a series of questions extrapolating on the first one is: why did you involve them? are they helping you write dirk or jake? are they providing input/advice? and that goes towards other people you've had help with the project too, if they're comfortable with being spoken about - i was just a fan of od's analyses and was surprised to see his name attached to godfeels! in fact im so curious about the nature/process of collaboration in godfeels it seems reductive to even try to condense it into questions that would be easier/faster to answer, in that i fear that what i put in will be what i get out, and that logically it's silly of me to bank on the fact that you might go more in depth than how these questions may imply on first glance. i fear my words make no sense and rather instill anxiety into the reader. anyway these are more like guidelines for something i was hoping you could talk about

oooooo this is a good one! i've written a fair amount about my collaborations in the past. here's a post where i talk about working with taz on chapter 8.2. here's a post where i talk about working with janet girlpillz on chapter 8.6. and here's a post where i talk about working with julia on the nsfw interlude 'stomach'! and then for bonus points, here's a piece my gf zoe wrote about working with me on the first official godfeels art in chapter 7.

but you want more, so here's more.

to start with, taz and i have been friends for some years now! back in early 2019 i was on the hbomberguy donkey kong 64 stream where i (briefly) tried to defend homestuck, which i guess gained me some form of notoriety/infamy. i can't remember if it was taz or kate who reached out to me first but i know taz liked my stuff (and i liked his!). then kate had me on pgen, i joined the pgen server, we all started gaming together and talking about homestuck in group chats. this period, pretty much through the entirety of 2019, is when i went from feeling like i had zero grasp on homestuck to becoming cohost of an at-the-time popular homestuck theory podcast! it's funny going back to my first appearance on pgen because you can tell i was so in over my head. i couldn't remember the names of the hiveswap trolls and still didn't even really know all the homestuck trolls by name. AND I OPTED OUT OF TALKING ABOUT VRISREZI LMAO. oh how turned the tables did the tables did turn

[[[oh god i just realized the pgen website expired and i'm not sure if the eps are still up anywhere... i should talk to kate about that lmao]]]

anyway, i actually talked to taz a bunch when i was first writing godfeels 1!

shortly after this we all did a stream for the launch of the epilogues with folks from the pgen server as well as hiveswap writer/director aysha u farah. i played gamzee lmao i still have the clown horn app on my phone from that

i guess i don't really know to what extent any of this is common knowledge anymore now that i think about it! this feels sort of superfluous to me but i guess this was FOUR YEARS AGO lmao

early godfeels straight up would not have existed without all these people. i cannot stress enough that literary obsession is a social contagion. i was not born a homestuck, i was made. and i think maybe some of the extremities of gf2 especially feel a little weird or dated these days, because on top of everything else godfeels was responding to it was also responding to the particularly toxic 2019-era vriscourse. so a big part of june's confrontational nature came from me being fucking sick of the baby's-first-conservatism that took root in the wider fandom when us cancelable queers had the audacity to like problematic womens and not apologize for it. i won't say anymore about that because like, whatever, it's all dead and buried now even if the ghost lingers. that ghost will have its day eventually! but not anytime soon.

ANYWAY, so, going back to the beginning even though i wrote godfeels alone, it came about in a context of lengthy conversations with other homestuck theorists. so when gf3 started to blow up in scale and become less about my trauma specifically, it made a lot of sense to broaden my horizons and get some new blood into the mix. the posts i linked at the start will fill in a bunch of gaps for you there, i think. it’s worth noting that a bunch of us already had a history of at least attempting to collaborate. we had a thing building for a while like a visual novel with one choice that was basically, what if we wrote every possible version of “transgender john” and just had them all together as branching paths. this was before some of the broader fandom really dug their heels in on the reactionary transphobia, after which point i at least lost some of my taste for that project. maybe we could come back to it someday, we wrote some cool stuff for that...

as far as my collaborative philosophy goes, idk. i first started writing fiction on the zeldapower forums in the early 2000s and developed a thick skin for critique pretty fast as a result. i wrote and rewrote constantly, shared what i could with friends and talked about plot/story/character ideas with them. when i realized in year two that writing school had nothing to offer me, i transferred to film. but i did so explicitly not wanting to be a director or writer or anyone above the line, really, because i didn't know what i wanted to make or even if i wanted to make something of my own. what i wanted was to help other people realize their own visions and see how they did it. so that's how i ended up working grip/electric in the oklahoma film industry, because it turns out all it really takes to get your foot in the door is to lose the ego and make yourself useful. it helps that i am cursed with constant psychological awareness of absolutely everything in my vicinity at all times, so i gained a reputation for being practically psychic the way i could know exactly what my bosses wanted lighting-wise before they even said anything.

i miss that job tbh. i loved the people, i felt more physically and psychologically fulfilled than at any job i've ever had. oklahoma has a relatively small film scene so it wasn't long before i was on a first name basis with most everyone working on my side of the state. when a crew is all on the same page, man, there's nothing like it. not every set can or should be like this, but some of my favorite experiences were on sets where it felt like everyone was the director. the director had their own vision but they knew how to adapt it to the location, to the ideas of technicians and craftspeople who had their own insights. a good director knows how to let their collaborators take ownership of the work, even when they reject their suggestions! i loved film work and i think about getting back to it sometimes. problem is it's extraordinarily physically demanding work and it leaves no time for anything else. 12 hour days five days a week minimum. i quit because i wanted to focus on video essays, one thing led to another, now we're here and homestuck changed my life lmao

so that's where i come from as writer. i have very strong opinions about my work and what it means and what it needs to do, but i try very hard not to have an ego about it.

the way we work together is pretty simple. when i finish the first draft of a chapter i’ll post it to the work server, and then folks will leave comments. but also, every member of the team has their own little corner of godfeels that they’ve adopted. taz is the dirkjake whisperer, julia is the queen of dana and the upsilons, etc. so when i write these characters i’ll ask for their insight, and invite them to modify or add to the scene as they see fit. sometimes this means prose, sometimes this means dialogue. our understanding is that nothing goes in the final published work without my approval, but that also that nothing is entirely off the table until we’ve had a conversation about it.

i get a lot of my storytelling philosophy from the tv show LOST, where every question was introduced with an explanation in mind but with the caveat that those explanations only remained true until the writers came up with something better. this gets back to something i said yesterday about needing a story to be dynamic and not planning things out too much in advance. for more detailed explanations, here’s a post i wrote about my hooks & hats philosophy, and then here’s another post about my process in general. but basically, i have this massive web of interconnected plotpoints going out very far into the future right? so when someone makes a suggestion i know exactly how possible it is to fit within that framework. i know how much information about any given hook has been introduced, so i know whether one explanation has been seeded too thoroughly to be changed.

but the flipside of that is that now my collaborators are inventing OCs! taz created a fantastic character named xifus that i can’t wait to write more of in 3.2A. we talk about this setting all the time, we talk about what makes sense for it, what would be cool, what mistakes would absolutely RUIN IT, how we can avoid the mistakes of our predecessors, all that fun stuff.

collaboration is all about honesty. godfeels has become what it is because we’re all fans both of homestuck, of anime, of broader culture... and of godfeels. my dirty secret is that i love writing godfeels because i’m its biggest fan. it frequently does not FEEL like i am composing this story, but rather that it is just happening to me. always i am wrangling cats in this petting zoo. i don’t want to be making this thing for the rest of my life but also this story is SO COOL and we are all chomping at the fucking bit to get to the upsilons and so much other shit besides. is that egomaniacal? idk. i think the idea that you’re supposed to be neutral leaning negative on your own work is kinda bullshit. but also, i don’t see the creation of art as bound to suffering or even being a process that requires much expertise. writing isn’t magic, even if it can feel that way sometimes.

i talk a lot about my work and how i write because i want to help demystify the process and try to show that it’s a learnable craft same as anything else. imo the preponderance of mediocre-to-great artists is not proof of Exceptional People but rather that it’s actually dirt simple to become a mediocre-to-great artist. all you need is time and money and access to the right tools! which is why so many mediocre artists are the rich failsons of killfactory millionaires. which is why every artist should be pro student debt relief, pro public transit, pro affordable housing, pro welfare, pro socialized medicine, pro deprivatizing mass media, and pro wide-ranging government arts funding. our nightmare neoliberal media landscape is the result of decades of making the creation of art & culture economically inaccessible to the working class, hence everything being set in rich suburbs with giant houses, hence the inescapability of pro-capitalist pro-nationalist messaging, hence the refusal of all national media to talk to trans people about trans issues, because only the middle and upper classes get to touch the levers of public perception and they have a direct economic incentive to convince the working class that they are middle class.

the notion that this stuff is at all mysterious or naturally the purview of those who can afford expensive degrees is just the narrative they sell to working people to cover up the fact that once you ascend past a certain income bracket, absolutely everything is just nepotism. it’s all just rich guys giving their rich friends and their rich friends’ stupid fucking libertarian manchildren high paying jobs forever. that’s why they never go away, that’s why they always fail up, that’s why trans women and queer people can get bullied off the face of the internet for half-joking that a fictional woman who did a murder was blameless in her crimes while grifters who moonlight at raytheon can weather blow after blow and stir the pot and solicit donations they don’t need and never disappear no matter how hated they are, because they HAVE money and they HAVE security so none of this shit is a real threat to anything besides their shallow fucking egos. which, you know, to be fair, threatening a rich person’s ego is basically the same thing as killing a man in cold blood, so who can say what is wrong or right?

there’s obviously a lot of complicating factors to the anticapitalist yarn i’ve spun here, but that’s how i see it. the rich want to own culture, they commodify it through copyright and box it up and insist that we are trespassers if we try to reflect those “““properties”““ through ourselves. that is, in part, a big reason why i haven’t given up on godfeels or tried to “file the serial numbers off.” i love this story and i am treating it with as much care as i would something original, because i believe this is art that stands up even with its imperfections and it’s insulting to me that “fanwork” is considered naturally lesser than “original” work when literally everything around us that is owned by disney et al was stolen from what was once an open culture. i reject the enclosure of the commons of our imagination, and andrew hussie themself quite famously said that postcanon homestuck belongs to the most conscientious and invested members of the fandom.

and frankly, even as i wish i COULD make a living off of godfeels alone, i like that my art isn’t particularly monetizable. i like that it is considered low art. i like that many people see it as shameful or a waste of time. i do not want to create a commodity. i do not want to run a business. i do not want to be famous. i want to make art that is freely available that maybe, just maybe, can help a handful of queer people deal with the shit going on in their life and have a good time in the process.

in short: we have no choice but to revolutionize the world.

UHHHH wow that got off the rails at the end there didn’t it? i love giving writing advice hahaha!

#sarahposts #godfeels #homestuck #writing advice #how to write #how to collaborate #collab fic #art talk #failsons #us politics #communism is good #kill all landlords #make art #communist polemic #getting on my soapbox #capitalism is bad #fuck rich people #youll never guess which wretched homestuck community luminaries are failsons #everything is the same

[flightfoot]

Do you ever think about how Marinette and Adrien's potential relationship flaws are actually compatible giving them 1. an oddly solid chance, but also 2. complete hot mess and disaster potential?

Adrien is needy with abandonment issues to the point of becoming irrational. It's easy to make him feel slighted regardless of whether that slight is real or perceived. He often jumps to conclusions that center around him being unwanted or unneeded, leading to moody outbursts as in Glaciator or to Sadrien ("You didn't make enough pastries for me. Is that it?🥺") in Heroes Day. Jealousy is a huge possibility, which might not currently be a problem for "Adrien", but as he grows and incorporates more of the parts he lets slip as Chat Noir into his personality, we might see more of the possessiveness he showed with Theo or the petulant anger he showed to Scarabella and Flairmidable. He has a lot of insecurities and someone with a more detached/less showy romance style might be torturous for him. He needs constant emotional validation ( And therapy) or he may become sullen, moody and even accusatory.

Marinette is anxiously obsessive over the object of her affections to the point of pushing privacy boundaries. She's also a conclusion jumper, but more externally than internally, dreaming up some big disaster ( "Adrien's running off to Japan with Kagami!" over the internal "Ladybug hates me and all is lost." She's the type to go through a phone after he's been out too late or show up at his place of work, sneaking into the janitor's closet to scope out the scene in pajamas if she suspects something is going on with his secretary. She's jealous too, but in less of a direct lying or anger sort of way and more of a covert or scheming sort of way. Her anxiety and relinquishing concern over what she cannot (or should not) control will be paramount or she runs the risk of becoming just another puppet master in Adrien's life.

It works in kind of neat but remotely horrifying way because Marinette is a helper. She's often going out of her way to UNSAD someone. She already has mountains of gifts put away just for that occasion. Her romance style is not detached. It may even be smothering. She gives too much of herself to those she cares about (to the point that she has little time) and she's prone to self blame. So where someone else might say to the insecure, moody lover who just jumped to an insane conclusion "Hey you're REALLY overreacting right now. Seek therapy for your daddy issues", she might say "Omg am I actually a TERRIBLE GIRLFRIEND? How can I fix this?!" and brave the eggshells.

Also neat and horrific, Adrien is used to being surveilled and controlled to the point of seeing it as normal. What privacy? He has no privacy. Gabriel bugs his phone and is currently trying to get him wear a fancy tracker. When Felix points out that his father's control of him may be a problem in his debut episode, he smiles and says his dad is very overprotective of him... like it's sweet or something. So his girlfriend peeking at his phone once or twice? Child's play. I'm willing to bet he could easily be talked into being one of those couples that have no boundaries with phones/social media. Also showing up unexpectedly at his workplace in pajamas because you had a dream he was sleeping with his co-worker? While a healthy boundaried person might say "Hey, you're being batshit right now. Seek therapy for your paranoia and anxiety", he might say "Omg I am so glad you showed up just to surprise me. I really thought we were on thin ice after you didn't give me a second goodbye kiss this morning!"

I personally love a good toxic option for relationships and believe that no good fictional relationship is that interesting unless it has mirrored toxic potential to match it's great potential. I still believe in the great potential. Adrien and Marinette are both compassionate and willing to compromise and FOURTEEN. They care about each other's comfort and will check themselves even if the other seems ok with/is unaware of something they've identified as wrong . Marinette has a healthy parental relationship to look to for guidance. I'm just saying if anyone has any fic suggestions (that's not salt) that explore the above issues, I would like to read.

I do think it could be interesting to explore how both of their issues could interact like this, though it would have to be navigated very carefully to keep from bashing either character or the relationship itself. It'd be neat to see it go from the less healthy, more iffy, yet still weirdly functional kind of relationship, to slowly working through their issues to something healthier (though man for Adrien I think that's gonna require not being under Gabriel's thumb anymore, a lot of his anxieties stem from needing to survive Gabriel's abuse).

#ask #miraculous ladybug #ml analysis #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng