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#it doesn't even have a name and i'm attached lol

nana-gumi · 2 months

Text

devoted f.toji

pairings: fushiguro toji x fem! reader

cw: heavy angst, arranged marriage, illness, inaccurate descriptions of heart disease (just did some research lol), megumi is 5 years old, mentions of abuse, some kissing, mentions of pregnancy, drinking, toji is giving mixed signals, suggestive themes, lots of cursing, happy ending. wc: 18k

a/n: this was a filo au that i posted on tiktok, but due to problems posting on tiktok, the story wasn't finished and now here it is with an ending!! sorry for the long wait my tiktok readers 🥹 i'm sorry if the ending did not meet your expectations :') will post the angst ending soon

despite the years his past wife died, he still couldn't move on. it's up for the fate to decide if you could change him.

happy ending | alternate angst ending

being an outcast in your family is the worst. you were forced to marry someone who's like you.

toji fushiguro, an outcast in his family and both of you were forced to marry each other. you've heard rumors about him. mostly bad ones. his father's company is famous after all.

toji have a son from his deceased wife. the time you met his son, megumi, you thought the kid will hate you but it was the opposite. he welcomed you, even told you that he was happy he finally has a mother.

you and toji never really interacted with each other that much, only if needed, like family gatherings or when megumi is around. who would want to show a kid that you're not interested with each other, right? but when it's just the two of you, both were completely a stranger to each other. there were times were you wanted to start a conversation because sleeping in one bed was awkward especially when there's no conversation at all.

you did start a conversation at some point but toji's presence was intimidating enough to shut you up. as time passes by, you're getting used to his presence. he seemed to be scowling at all times but you noticed that, that's just how he is. you continued to interact with him until you and him finally got comfortable with each other, where good morning and good nights were exchanged. but then you've grown attached to the man, especially his son.

when you asked toji why his last name is fushiguro, he told you that it was his deceased wife's last name. toji still refused to bring back his last name which is supposed to be zenin. he told you that his family once forced him to use zenin again but toji simply ignored them. even though toji was an outcast, none of his family couldn't argue with him so he kept the last name fushiguro while you stick with your own last name.

being an outcast, you didn't feel any love from your family and the simple things toji showed you made you feel loved. that night he let you borrow his jacket when it started to snow unexpectedly, those times where he makes extra coffee for you, he would even let you hug him if you have nightmares and most of all, he defends you from your family.

that's what you loved, no– love about him. but you wonder, does toji feel the same? and the answer was already obvious. toji only accepted the marriage because he doesn't have a choice. they will remove him from the business his family owns and he doesn't want that because he needs money for his son, megumi. he promised his deceased wife that he'll take care of megumi after all.

and you adore toji for that. sometimes you think, will toji cherish you the same way he does with his deceased wife? even if his wife died many years ago, he still have the love he has for her, as if she's still around to feel it.

you were currently laying on the couch as you hug yourself for warmth. it wasn't an argument with toji, but you just want to be left alone for now. the words "i love you" accidentally slipped out of your mouth, and you didn't mind if toji doesn't reply and you just hoped he didn't reply to it at all.

"i love you, toji." you whispered, enough for him to hear and his eyes looked guilty as he looked away from you.

"you shouldn't." toji replied. "you'll just hurt yourself."

"i know."

"you know we're married only in papers, we already decided to be just friends." you already know that, but you couldn't just hold back anymore, and of course he would say that. toji thinks no one could replace the love his deceased wife showed and gave him. she was there at his lowest point, she comforted him, told him the words he doesn't know he deserves to hear and toji just couldn't open his heart to love someone, at least not anymore. his wife was enough, megumi addressing you as his mother is enough, even a part of toji doesn't want it.

you glanced at the ring he's caressing on his finger. it should be the ring you placed on his finger on the wedding day but instead, it was the promise ring his wife had gave him. your heart couldn't ache anymore. you're so used at the empty feeling that it doesn't hurt you anymore.

"i'm sorry.." you mumbled as you excused yourself, deciding to just sleep on the couch. there you've grown to realize that being attached with toji fushiguro was the biggest mistake you'll ever done but you'll never regret.

you woke up with a shuffling beside you. you opened your eyes and saw megumi with his small blanket on his hand as he frowned at you.

"mama, it's cold." megumi said as he hurriedly draped his blanket above you.

"it's fine, megumi." you smiled at him as megumi tucked his small body on your arms.

"mama, did papa make you cry?" megumi asked and you pinched his nose as you disagree with his question.

"no megumi, mama fell asleep here while watching." you said.

"okay, i love you mama." megumi said and it has been minutes since he said those words and you were still silent that it made megumi look up at you.

"mama, i love you." he repeated with a hushed tone.

"i―" it was as if you choked on something as you embraced the child. "i love my baby too." you muttered.

after that conversation with toji, everything feels weird as if it's reminding you of your place, that you were forced to marry toji to strengthen your family's bond with the zenin's.

"papa loves you too." megumi mumbled and you just hoped it was true.

toji's mother suddenly visited that day without a notice and toji wasn't around. his family doesn't really hate you but there's always a weird atmosphere around when you're close with them. just when his mother asked where toji was, he suddenly came back from work.

you knew he went here in rush, and the way he wrapped his arms around you as his lips came in contact with your forehead made your heart flutter. but you reminded yourself that it was only for a show. his mother smiled at the scene as toji sat beside you on the dining table.

"what brings you here, ma." toji asked in an annoyed tone.

"i just wanted to visit my grandson." you excused yourself a bit as you made your way towards the kitchen to make them something to eat and drink, and when you came back, the question you and toji were avoiding got asked by his mother.

"when do you plan on having another child?" she asked.

"no plans yet, we're to busy to have another child running around. megumi is enough."

"it's been a year since you're both married. why not give it a try?"

"ma―" you cut toji off before he could say something harsh to his mother.

"we did try it, ma, but it didn't really work so we decided to just wait for the right time." you answered, lied for toji and his mother seemed to buy it.

"ok.. but i am getting old, toji. we need to see a female granchild too." she said before excusing herself to go to her grandson who was playing. toji huffed at her mother's response as he stood up from the chair.

"i am sorry about that, toji." you said because as much as possible, you wanted to avoid answering that question too. toji sighed as he left the kitchen to get changed and when he went back to the living room, his mother was about to leave.

finally. he thought.

"just give it a try." toji's mother told you as she went inside her car.

"why'd she go here without informing me." toji muttered as megumi sat between you and him on the couch, showing the chocolate his grandmother gave him.

"i was surprised too."

"that's fine, thank you for covering up for me." he said as he stood up from the couch and took the chocolate on megumi's hand while carrying him. megumi whined in surprise as his father carried him like a sack of rice as you slowly followed behind.

"papa!" he exclaimed, kicking and punching but it was no use.

"come on, we don't want mama to get mad for eating to much sweets at night." toji said. he wasn't talking about you, you know that.

he placed megumi down beside the refrigerator as he placed the chocolate inside.

"too much sweet is not good for you." toji said as he carried megumi once again.

you just finished washing the dishes as you walked past megumi's room, and their muffled voices made you eavesdrop at their conversation, and you maybe you just didn't.

"megumi, why are you being so stubborn? you don't want mama to get mad right?"

"mama doesn't get mad at me!" megumi yelled as you smile a bit at his words.

"megumi, did you already forget your real mama, hm? she'll be sad in heaven. you want that?" toji said and his words was like a needle that was continuously poking at your chest.

"huh? but mama is here." megumi said, pointing at the door.

"look, (name) is just a replacement for your mama, but your real mama? she loves you, her love for you couldn't be replaced by someone."

"even (name)?" megumi said, and the way he addressed you by your name, you admit hurts. you took a deep breath as you felt a sharp pain in your chest. but that's fine, you're already used to it.

"yes, now go and sleep okay?"

"okay."

megumi started acting awkwardly towards you the next day, he was trying his best to avoid your gaze, maybe even you. he would stutter through his words between calling your name or 'mama'.

"bye bye, (name).." megumi looks away at you as he held toji's hand.

"bye bye." you replied as you forced a smile and megumi looked back once at the front door as they finally left the house.

"papa, i don't want to see mama sad." megumi said as toji placed his seatbelt. megumi might be a kid but he can clearly understood human emotions. when he called you by your name earlier, he saw how your smile disappeared but then you covered it up by a forced smile, and you just let him call you by your name.

"she's not sad-"

"yes she is."

"you don't understand, megumi." toji said and megumi only kept quiet because he knew arguing with his father is useless.

megumi jolted awake. he fell asleep after being in school the whole day as he searched for your presence. he had a dream, a really bad one and he found you in your and his father's room, talking to someone in your phone. megumi heard a sob coming out of you. you said something that megumi couldn't quite hear as you finally ended the call. he watched as you wiped your tears with your palms and took a deep breath. megumi silently close the door as he went back to the living room, sitting patiently as you appeared on his view.

"oh, megumi. how was your sleep?" you asked as you kneeled infront of the boy. megumi observed your eyes, they were a bit red.

"it's fine, mama." you were taken aback. he's calling you mama again. you smiled as you cupped his chubby cheeks.

"are you hungry?" you asked and he nods as you guided him on his feet. he didn't let go of your hand.

"mama, i love you. you're my one and only mama." you felt megumi's small hands squeeze your big ones, as if he's reassuring you of something.

"i love you too, my one and only baby. now let's go and prepare dinner!" megumi noticed that your mood shifted, and he was proud of himself that he was the one who brought a smile on your face.

it's unusual for you to wake up with toji's arms around you. you knew toji didn't do it on purpose, he was drunk last night and you just want to indulge the moment, even just for a minute or even seconds. you felt toji moved and you immediately stood up from the bed.

why do you feel guilty? it's not like you and toji were cheating on his wife. but that's how you felt. toji was still sleeping as you sighed, placing the blanket above him as you went out of the room.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he closed his ipad off.

"morning, 'gumi. what do you want for breakfast?"

"anything you cook!" he answered as he sat on the kitchen stool, watching you prepare the ingredients you needed.

"pancakes or rice?"

"rice!"

"okay." you laughed at his energetic response.

"mama can we buy art materials later? my teacher said we'll do arts on monday."

"sure, let's go out after we eat."

toji heard you and megumi talking as he arrived the living room. and just as he was about to enter the kitchen, your body bumped on his chest.

"oh, i was about to wake you up. breakfast is ready." you said, about to went back to the table but toji held your arm to stop you for a moment. he placed his other hand behind his head as he looks away.

"did i said something weird? last night." he asked as you look at him for a moment before you shake your head left to right. toji sighed in relief as he let go of your arm, both of you sitting on the kitchen stool. you look at toji, and he looks at you, but you couldn't meet his eyes as you smiled at megumi and place the food on his plate.

you just finished brushing your teeth as you were disturbed with a loud thud outside the bathroom.

"toji? are you there?" you called.

it was as if your soul went out of your body for a second, toji appeared infront of you. a curse slipped out of your mouth as toji's weight fell on you.

this was your first time seeing toji drunk, even your first time encountering a drunk person and you really don't know what to do so you tried your best to pull him with you in the room since he was so heavy.

once you opened the door of your room, you and toji fell on the ground. does his wife encountered this event a lot of times? if so what did she do?

toji was whispering something. you couldn't quite hear him as you placed your ear close to his mouth, the smell of alcohol getting stronger than it was and he was apologizing. you were confused as you move away from him.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." you said, trying to wake him up as toji's eyes slightly opened.

"my wife." he whispered, you don't know if that certain beat in your heart was because he called you his wife or maybe because he mistook you of his wife.

and the next words he uttered is what you didn't expect as he suddenly placed his hand on your cheek and you were completely frozen in your spot as he continued to speak.

toji's hand finally slipped from your face as his head fell on your shoulder and you sit there, processing the words he said just a minute ago

he didn't mistook you as if wife, he indeed called you his wife and it warmed your heart.

"mama?" you were out of your thoughts when you felt megumi's hand above yours. "are you okay?" he asked as you look at him and then at toji.

"i'm fine, what was it again?" you asked, facing megumi as he smiled at you.

"papa will go with us later!" he said.

"oh? is that so?" you said as you look at toji, waiting for his answer.

he laughs at your reaction.

"looks like you don't want to?" he joked.

"it's not like that! it's always just me and megumi, since you're always busy.." you responded.

"yeah, today's a day off." you cursed internally. you have an appointment to the doctor today, you thought taking megumi with you would be fine, but toji? what reason should you tell him? you couldn't possibly say that you have a family meeting. no, you don't even have someone you can call a family, except for this two. plus toji would be updated if there's a family gathering.

maybe you'll ask the doctor to move appointments.

"are you sure? though i'm not sure when my schedule's gonna be clear again, (name)."

"it's fine choso, i can wait, just update me."

"sorry about that, i'm busy these days plus yuuji's been wanting attention too."

"is that so?" you said as you smile. "i want to meet him soon! looks like he's a good kid."

"soon, i'll bring him to the hospital with me."

"okay, see you next time then?"

"yeah. and (name), don't stress yourself too much, it's bad for the heart." you smiled at his words.

"of course, thank you. bye."

"who's choso?" startled by the voice, you immediately hid your phone behind you.

he was eavesdropping.

toji raised his eyebrow at your reaction as he opened his cabinet.

"a friend of mine."

"really? didn't know you have a friend." toji said in a voice you couldn't recognize, it was as if he's mocking you. you scoffed at him, deciding to just ignore his words.

you were about to leave the room but toji's voice stopped you.

"if you're starting to date someone, don't inform megumi about it. or he'll be sad." he said, mumbling the last sentence as you left. did toji really thought you were dating someone even if you're married already?

sure everything is one-sided, but you just don't have it in you to date someone, not when toji already has your heart, your everything. even if he doesn't know it. but you think it's better for toji to assume that choso is something in your life than choso just being an appointed doctor.

toji was too drunk when he got home and he think he just saw his deceased wife, but when he approached the person, it turned out to be you.

toji noticed that he was at the bathroom and felt your hands on his arms as you place it on your shoulder. he felt drinking that day, he wanted to forget everything or maybe when his wife appeared on his dream last night, the words he told her. he didn't want to wake up that night.

toji already forgot her face, her voice, how her hands felt on his. he already promised that they will meet again. in next life or in another universe. it doesn't matter where, as long as he could meet his wife again. but his wife told him in his dreams that he should move on, and he couldn't just do that.

toji did saw your efforts. he saw how you care for him, especially megumi. but he couldn't just stop himself from comparing you to his wife on his mind. no one could ever replace his wife. toji squinted his eyes, he saw you trying to pick him up.

"toji, i can't carry you anymore." but your words was a blur to him.

toji's hand twitched and moved on its own as he sat up from the floor.

"i'm sorry, i can't." he muttered as he placed his rough hand on your cheek, observing your eyes as he leaned his forehead on yours. "i can't love no more. i can't love you the same way. i'm sorry."

toji was the man of your dreams.

he might not know it but toji saved your life, he saved you from the hands of your greedy parents.

"i can't love you the same way, i'm sorry." the way he said those words were filled with guilt.

sometimes you put yourself on his place. if you were the one that has a past lover who died, of course it'll be hard to move on, especially when that person made you feel love and gave you the world.

toji was miserable back then, not until he met her. she fixed him. just like you and toji, you met him and he fixed you. the only difference was they loved each other. she loved him and he loved her, while you love him but he was stuck in the past.

there were times where you watch him sleep, not in a bad way, but just want to admire him where you whisper your love for him. he won't hear it of course. his dreams must be more entertaining than the words you're whispering to him.

toji's words that night made an impact to you. everything he does for you, you started viewing it as him just doing it for kindness and not for love. maybe toji just doesn't want to hurt you further because he knew how badly your family treated you back then. you were on the same page after all.

now you realized that maybe it was bound to happen, that being married with toji is enough, being a mother figure to megumi was enough. he already did enough for you, for taking you away from your hell life. you'll just pay him back by doing what you should for him and megumi.

you'll just love him silently. you'll bury your feelings deep inside your heart that only you, yourself knew. maybe wait for him to finally acknowledge you. but you knew it wouldn't happen this time around.

for now, you'll just watch him love someone who wasn't even around anymore.

toji was showing you a picture of his past wife because you asked him to see her. she looked a lot like megumi, but a female version. now you know why toji fell in love with her. even in the picture, it was already obvious that his wife was kind and a loving person. but you're kind and a loving person too, aren't you? the universe is so unfair.

"this is when she was 7 months pregnant." toji said as he pointed a specific picture. you smiled at his words as you continue to listen to him. but toji suddenly went silent all of the sudden and closed the album as he cleared his throat.

"why, did you want to see it?" he asked as he placed the album back inside his drawer.

"just curious, she looked a lot like megumi." you said as you lean your head on your knees, facing him. "how did you meet her?"

"it was an arranged marriage too." he said. "i wasn't really favored with it but i don't have a choice." toji smiled. how can a person like her make him smile like this when you can't? "she was simple, i suddenly fell in love with her." toji said with adoration in his voice as he looked at you.

you sighed as you lay flat on the bed and started stretching your arms.

"ah, i wonder if someone would love me that way too." you sighed as you turned your back on him.

"you will, but that couldn't be me." he said straightforwardly as if reminding you that you couldn't change his mind anymore and it made you curl yourself on the sheets.

"are you and that choso dating?" toji asked as you turn to face him. he was leaning his back on the headboard with a laptop on his lap.

"no? why'd you assume we're dating?"

"you've been going out a lot these days, i just thought."

"are you okay with that?" you asked.

"of course." and he didn't even hesitate which hurt you more. "i mean, maybe he's the one you're looking for?" toji said as he closed the laptop, the surroundings being engulfed with darkness, the bright moon outside being the only source of light.

but you're already here. you wanted to say those words but you already knew what he'll respond to it. toji lay flat on the bed as he placed his arms behind his head while you were still facing him.

"not gonna answer my question?"

"oh? what was it again?"

"i said maybe choso is the one you're looking for."

"toji-"

"i just want what's best for you, y/n. you know, i can't really.."

"toji, i already know that. choso is just a friend, nothing more, nothing less." you said followed by a sigh. "at least just let me be by your side." you whispered, hoping that he heard even just a bit of it.

"if you insist, but i already warned you." toji said.

"i know.." toji was just beside you, but he's far within your reach. has it always been like this? every night, you and toji always ends the day with a conversation, same question with the same answers and toji will end up with his back facing you. every night, you couldn't sleep. only whispering those three words to him hoping and praying that he'll hear it and say it back.

every i love you's that was whispered were left hanging on the air. sometimes it was tiring, thinking of the words toji said that maybe he wasn't really for you and you weren't the one for him.

"good night." you mumbled.

"good night." he replied and everything was dark.

i love you, toji.

those words you utter to yourself every single day and night, hoping that he'll say it back, maybe just once, and it might heal the void inside your heart. but not a single day he said it back.

toji felt guilty but he shouldn't be feeling this way. you were just married on papers and already agreed that being friends was enough. yet he couldn't help but watch as you curl yourself, as if seeking for a comfort he knew he couldn't give you. he apologized on his mind, he couldn't say it out loud because he knew how it would hurt you more, so he just stayed silent.

toji switched off the lights as he lay comfortably to the side with your back facing him. he doesn't know how long he's been closing his eyes but sleep just couldn't take over him.

"i love you, toji."

he froze on his spot and his body tensed as he heard you whispered those words. he then felt your fingers caress the scar on his lips.

"i'm sorry if you ever feel guilty for not returning my love for you. but always know that i understand you." you whispered and your touch disappeared on his skin as he felt your warmth get close to him. "i'll keep waiting, maybe someday.." minutes passed, toji was still waiting for you to say something but you were already silent.

he opened his one eye and the first thing he saw was your back, there were a space between you and him.

is it always this far? are you always this far from him? toji doesn't know. he tried to reach for you but he stopped himself. and then again, another apology had slipped on his mind. he couldn't say it back, not when he swore to only say those words to the person he loves.

toji finally closed his eyes as the sleepiness take over his body. he knew that the one for you, who'll cherish you, love you like how you deserve it will eventually come and toji was already certain that it wasn't him.

it was really true that first love never dies now that you've experienced it and toji was enough proof. you couldn't stop loving him the way he couldn't stop loving his past wife. how can you even wish someone to just die when they're already dead? it was weird but were you too cruel for that?

you just hope that someday, toji will look at you the way you've always been wanting and craving. you'll wait, even if your and his hair turns white or even if you only have enough time to live.

"just this once?" you whispered as toji held your cold hands as he placed it on his cheek.

toji closed his eyes as he placed your hand back on the bed, hospital bed.

"i'm really sorry.." he whispered back and it was enough for you to hear it.

a small laugh left your lips. it's so hard even to laugh now.

"that's fine, at least thank you for being here."

"i'll say it if you want."

"don't say something you don't mean, toji." you smiled at him.

"yeah, i guess so."

you sit up from the bed as you wake up. it was just dream, but it felt to real for it to be a dream.

you couldn't help but cry as you cover your mouth as you felt a hand on your back.

"what's wrong? another nightmare?" toji asked. even in your dreams, in your death bed, toji still didn't love you. even in your deathbed, toji still couldn't love you the way you wanted it. maybe it was sign that toji doesn't have to know your condition.

he doesn't need to know.

"it's nothing, let's go back to sleep?"

you went out again. toji heard you talking to someone on the phone, he guessed it was choso. he didn't mean to follow you but he still did.

toji ended up following you on a hospital and he was confused. are you sick? toji asked himself, but you always looked fine.

he anxiously tap his finger on the steering as he waited for you on his car and it took you more than 30 minutes to finally come out of the hospital again.

why does that doctor have to send you out? even placing his hand on your back.

toji watched you enter your car. he waited for you to leave before going out of his car to enter inside the hospital.

he was hesitant as he finally arrived the front desk.

he cleared his throat as he faced the lady infront.

"is there a patient named (name)?"

"(name)?" the nurse repeated as she looked down the lists but your name wasn't there. "i'm so sorry but there is no patient named y/n here."

"ah, mr. fushiguro. did (name) send you here?" toji turned around at the voice and he was met with the same doctor he saw outside the hospital. toji's eyebrow furrowed as he fully faced him. "i'm choso by the way, y/n's doctor. i guess she already told you?"

"mama?" you heard as you enter the front door.

megumi approached you as he embraced you.

"did you just woke up?" you asked as both of you went back to the living room.

"a while ago.."

"where's your papa?"

"i woke up when he left."

"he left? but he said it's his day off today." you mumbled as you recalled his words. "anyway, what do you want for breakfast, gumi?"

as toji entered the house, yours and megumi's muffled voice can be heard at the front door. it looked like you and megumi is having fun. toji finally entered the kitchen and saw you with megumi baking a cupcake.

"papa!" megumi exclaimed as he jumped down the stool to approach his father, the icing on megumi's clothes being transferred to toji's clean ones.

"welcome back, toji. where have you been?" you asked and it suddenly smelled like cigarettes.

she looks fine. toji thought, but he was trying to stare at you as if it'll reveal something.

"toji?" you called him with concern as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"just went out. who's that for?"

"mama said she wants to try baking!" megumi answered.

"is that so?" toji said as megumi hummed in response.

toji looked at you once again, but his stare was making you uncomfortable. there's something weird about the way he looks at you and it was scaring you.

"i'll rest for a bit." toji said as he left the kitchen.

"mama, did you and papa fight?" megumi asked as he approached you.

"no megumi, he's just tired." you smiled down at megumi to reassure him and he warmly returned your smile.

toji didn't left the room that day.

you lay down beside him, still minding the space with both of your backs facing each other.

you heard shuffling behind you but you paid no mind to it. and when you turned your body to the other side, you were surprised to come face to face with toji.

"hey." you started as you slightly move back to create more space. "are you not hungry? there's still left over from the kitchen.

"i'm fine." toji replied with a low voice as you nod at his words.

"good night, toji." you said as you went back to face the other side again.

you were waiting for his reply but minute passed, he was still silent so you took a deep breath and sighed while closing your eyes. but the moment you closed your eyes, you felt him move close to you. he tucked his arms below your body and then the other above you as he easily pulled you close to him.

"good night." he replied as you look up at him with shock. did he just initiate a physical touch? he's not drunk, right?

"mhm." you simply replied, still surprised. toji didn't move away after that, he stayed still and so were you.

"are you drunk?" you asked that made toji open his eyes.

"i'm not. why asking?"

"well, it's- is this okay with you?" you asked and your voice was too small that toji almost didn't catch it.

you were out of words. it was weird for toji to act this way, especially when he's not even drunk. does he need something from you?

it hurts to think that he's only being affectionate because he needs something from you. either way, you'll still do what he'll ask you because you love him.

"are you not comfortable with it?" the way you immediately stopped him when he was about to remove his arms around you was a desperate move, but you didn't want to lose this chance because it might not happen again.

"no, i like it.. it's just, we've never done this before, shouldn't you be the one who's uncomfortable with this? i mean-"

"shh, let's just stay like this." toji murmured as he pulled you a little more close to him. his warm breath fanning on your neck.

you smiled but if felt like something was missing. you felt complete but at the same time you're not. you placed your hands on top of toji's that was around you as you give it a light squeeze.

"toji." you called his name in a whispered tone as you heard him hummed in response. "i'm not her, toji."

you didn't know why you even said those words. toji was hugging you but there were possibilities of him thinking his wife on you. because why would he suddenly do this if not for that?

as those words left your mouth, the warm presence that was comforting you suddenly disappeared. you weren't even surprised when he did that, just a tiny bit of ache in your heart.

heh, i knew it. but it's fine, i still loved it. you thought to yourself as you ended up curling your own body again, seeking for the comfort that was there just a while ago.

maybe someday, toji will hug you again, but that time, you hope he'll do it as him thinking of you, not while thinking of his deceased wife.

"i'm choso by the way, (name)'s doctor. i guess she already told you?"

"hah?" toji rasped in confusion as he looked at choso. so this was choso and he's a doctor.

not bad. toji thought.

"then why are you here, mr. fushiguro? your wife left just 5 minutes ago."

"i know." toji replied.

choso raised his eyebrow at the man in front of him.

"do you perhaps need something from me?" choso couldn't help but ask because the way toji looked at him was different.

"yes, i want to talk to you."

both of them ended outside the hospital where there were no people around.

toji slammed his hand on the wall, slightly embarrassed as he watch the doctor laugh in front of him.

"what's funny." toji rasped.

"sorry, sorry-" choso replied as he pants, he never had a good laugh these days. "mr. fushiguro, are you assuming that your wife is having an affair with me?"

"i didn't mean it that way, i was just asking if you and (name) have something."

"mr. fushiguro, ms. (name) is just my patient, i'm sorry if it came off that way." choso said as he leaned his back on the wall. "plus i know my boundaries, i wouldn't go with a married woman, y'know." toji calmed his body as he leaned his back on the wall like choso did.

"she's always talking to you on the phone, that's why i assumed."

"(name) told me a lot about you."

"i'm hoping it's the good ones."

"not even once your wife badmouthed you, mister." choso replied as he offered toji a cigarette to which he declined.

"she's not sick, is she?" toji asked.

"mhm, your wife was diagnosed with arrhythmia."

"arrhythmia?" toji faced choso at his words.

"her heartbeat is irregular, mr.fushiguro. are you not taking a good care of your wife?" choso tried to joke him but he didn't expect toji to stay silent. "well, i hope she's not lying when she said she doesn't smoke and drink?"

"no, she doesn't." toji said.

"anxiety or any emotional distress can cause this. are you perhaps having a lot of fight? her condition has been like this for a long time now."

"no, we don't fight." toji said "is it harming her that much?" toji asked

"for now, it's not. but if she doesn't take a good care of herself, it may lead to a heart failure."

"how to avoid this?" choso looked at toji in disbelief. did you seriously kept it a secret to your husband?

"toji." you called him as he was about to leave the house. "i'm sorry about last night." you said.

you frowned as you heard the front door close. toji was ignoring you. you felt guilty for saying those words last night but you just couldn't hold back anymore. it was hurting you. why would you say that when toji only wanted to be close with you?

you sighed in defeat as you turn around, continuing the dishes you were doing.

you knew how toji hated it when it's about his wife, yet you still brought it up.

"toji!" you scolded.

it was yet another night where he came home drunk, you're almost starting to get used of this scenario.

"i said don't touch me!" he yelled back as you stumbled back a bit from the force of his push.

you were getting scared. not even once toji had yelled at you, this was the first time. was the words you said really did have an impact to him? now you feel more guilty than you were. you were scared that toji would start looking at you the way your family did.

only because of the stupid words you said.

"toji." you said in a more calmer tone as you guide him on his feet.

"let go." he mumbled.

"i will. let's go to the room first, okay?" you sighed in relief when toji did what you said without saying anything.

"mama.." toji's voice must've woke megumi up as he look at you with concerned eyes.

toji shrugged his shoulders to remove your hand on his shoulders as he kneeled infront of megumi.

"megumi, mama's not here anymore." toji said.

you were taken aback but megumi was more surprised than you were that he started crying.

he was pushing toji away from him as he cry.

"i hate you!" megumi yelled as he finally free himself from toji and hugged your leg.

"it's okay, 'gumi. go back to sleep." you said as you kneeled on megumi's level while he cried in your shirt.

toji stood up by himself as he entered your shared bedroom, closing the door with a force as you flinch in surprise.

"mama." megumi cried.

"it's fine now, he's just tired."

"you say that a lot of times." megumi said as he wiped his tears. "let's sleep together, mama." you look at your room door as you nod at megumi.

maybe toji needs to have his time alone for now.

you were humming a lullaby as you sing megumi to sleep.

you already sang the lullaby 3 times already and just like you, megumi couldn't sleep at all. he knew you were crying but he decided to not talk to you.

megumi pretended to be asleep as you finally stopped humming.

he heard you took a deep breath as you pulled his small body close to you.

"night night, 'gumi." he heard you whispered as he felt the dip on his bed beside him disappear.

megumi squinted his eyes and saw you walking out of his room as the door finally closed leaving him inside his now dark room.

megumi sat up from his bed as he silently followed you.

he was tiptoeing as he followed you to the kitchen.

you were sitting there, a glass of water between your hands as you stare at nothing.

you were too drained as you wiped the remaining tears your eyes could release.

megumi was lost in his thoughts and didn't hear you walking on his way, but before you could caught him, he showed himself to you.

"megumi?" you called him, slightly surprised at his presence. "what's wrong?"

"um water, mama." he said as he noticed you smile a bit before giving him a glass of water.

"all good?" you asked as megumi tucked you and himself on the blanket as he hug you. he nods in response as he sighed in content.

"mama, i will tell papa tomorrow to say sorry." he said.

"it's fine, 'gumi. he's just tired and mama understands." you said as you brushed megumi's hair with your fingers.

"okay, i love you mama."

"i love you too, now go back to sleep you have school tomorrow."

when megumi woke up the next morning, you were still sleeping beside him. he kissed your tear stained cheek as he went out to start his day.

he found his father on the kitchen counter, holding his head with his hand.

toji noticed megumi's presence as he immediately approached his son.

"where's your mama?" toji asked as he placed his hands on megumi's shoulders.

megumi noticed that his father was restless, but he deserved it for yelling at you last night.

"say sorry to mama, papa." megumi said.

"ha? where's she?"

"in my room. mama was crying because of you!" megumi yelled, he almost wanted to cry as he recalled your unreadable expression last night. "i saw mama drink so many medicine, papa." megumi muttered.

toji massaged his temples as he made his way to megumi's room with megumi following behind.

toji slowly opened the door and sighed in relief as he finally saw you.

megumi's small blanket couldn't even cover your whole body as toji approached you and gently carried you to the bed, transferring you to your shared room.

"let's not wake up mama for now." toji said as he pats megumi's head. "i'll drive you to school."

"papa." megumi called as he fixed the seatbelt of the front seat. toji hummed in response as he waited for the street lights to turn green. "do you hate mama?" megumi was hesitant at his question.

"no." toji responded plainly.

"but you always make mama cry." megumi mumbled. "you always say that she's not my mama and it's hurting her. i always see mama cry, i just stay quiet." toji ignored his son as he started driving.

toji went back home after sending megumi to school and you were still sleeping.

he sat on the bed as he tried to recall anything that has happened last night but he couldn't remember anything.

he felt you moved as he look at you. you were finally awake.

you saw him as you sit up from the bed.

"good morning." you greeted as you rubbed your eyes.

toji was waiting for you to say something about last night but you didn't and instead smiled at him as you stretched your body.

"megumi!" you exclaimed as you realized that you were supposed to send him to school.

"i already drove him to school."

"ah really? thank you." you said as you finally relaxed your body. "then, what do you want for breakfast?"

has it been always like this? toji asked himself as he watched you prepare breakfast.

is it always like this the next day when he came home every night he's drunk?

you were all smile but this was the first time toji noticed that it was forced. is it really always like this?

toji wasn't the one to get nervous but when he recalled the nights he came home drunk, he couldn't recall anything.

he must've said or did something hurtful to you that you do not wish to tell him the next morning.

megumi was always a witness to it but you always tell him to stay quiet.

"i'll go out later." you said as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"okay. want me to accompany you?" toji noticed the way you immediately declined his request and there, he exactly knew where you're headed.

toji watched you drink the hot chocolate in your mug.

"(name)." he called.

"mh?"

"i'm sorry. if i ever did something last night."

not just last night, every time he comes home drunk, toji would say something hurtful and you were even convinced that he means some of it.

the first time he came home drunk, he told you he couldn't love you the way you love him and that was fine for you. but second time he came home drunk, he said the words i love you, but it wasn't for you. he said i love you but not your name in it. the third night he came home drunk, he compared you to his wife saying that you couldn't replace the role of being megumi's mother and you know that.

megumi was there and he cried with you saying that he loves you and don't listen to what his father said to you. but then it happened again. he watch his father get mad at everything, including you, his mother who just wanted to help him get to bed. he knew his father wasn't in his right mind because he was drunk. he cried with you again that night.

megumi got used to seeing you hiding your sobs from him. he already saw you cry silently or sometimes you just sit there to stare at nothing. megumi once caught you breathing heavily on the bathroom and there was a blood on the sink. you told him that it was nothing and megumi was just a kid, of course he would believe you that it was just nothing.

but as megumi continues to grow, he's starting to think that his father hates you. he started observing the two of you and there was nothing wrong with your relationship, except when his father is drunk. don't get megumi wrong, he still loves her real mother but you were the one who raised him. he haven't seen his mother once, only in pictures.

"(name)?" you snapped out of your thoughts as you looked from your plate to toji.

"i said i'm sorry." he said.

"it's fine, you were drunk."

"so i did said something, huh." toji cursed under his breath as he heard you laugh.

"don't worry, it's not that deep."

it was. but remembering it will only hurt you more.

you've been having nightmares these days and you don't know if it's a sign for something. every dream you had was weird. there were times where toji would appear in your dreams. sometimes he hates you and sometimes, he loves you that you don't even want to wake up anymore.

you were currently sitting inside a hospital room as choso stood meters away from you.

"are you even taking a rest like i told you to?"

"yes."

"then why is your condition getting worse?" choso's words made you look at him, he was writing something on a paper.

"really?"

"really. (name), i am telling you this now, you'll suffer the consequences if you don't listen to me."

"but i do take rest."

"taking rest isn't enough, you should avoid your heart from getting tired. have you experienced panic attack these past few weeks?"

"n-no."

"you're lying."

"i'm not."

"your husband's worried, you know." you don't know why choso words made your heart clench, but you just hope his words were true.

"really?" you said as if you weren't convinced. choso looks at you and back at the paper as he sighed.

"i'll add another medicine, make sure to take it on time."

"why do we have to do these things?" you said as choso looked up from the paper to you.

"what do you mean?" choso asked as he raised his eyebrow at you.

"i mean, isn't better to just wait until it's over?" choso got silent, clearly surprised at the words you said. you noticed his reaction as you released a nervous laugh. "what am i even saying.." you said as you laughed at yourself.

"are you even hearing yourself?"

"i know what i said, choso. but don't worry, i was just joking."

"not a funny one. you just don't know it (name) but your husband's really worried."

"if you think your words would calm me, it's not working."

"huh?" you stood up from the seat before choso could say something.

"i guess we're already done here?" you said as choso nods.

"(name). take a proper rest."

you fell asleep the moment you got home and when you went downstairs, it was messy.

the television was on full volume and megumi was nowhere to be seen. toji was on the kitchen sleeping, there was a consumed bottle of liquor beside him.

"toji." you shake him to wake him up but it didn't work at first try so you did it again.

he was awake all of the sudden as he look around the kitchen. toji was drunk again as you thought of the things that happens every night he came home drunk. you hope he would just stay silent and wouldn't say anything anymore.

"let's get you to bed." you said as you helped him stand up but before you and toji reached the room, you fell on the floor as you entered the room. and the scene was so familiar to you.

"(name)." he called as you snapped out of the memory. "(nameee)." he called again.

"i'm here." you said.

"you're here?" he said as he touched your face as if he doesn't believe you. "you're really here." he said as he smiled and embraced you.

and you, you were taken aback, but you just let him.

"why did you leave me?" he said.

there he goes again.

"hey, look at me." he said as he held your cheeks with his thumb and pointer finger.

why does looking at him hurts.

"don't ever think that i don't love you, okay? i'm so grateful that you're here.." you were waiting for it. for him to call his wife's name but you didn't expect that he'll say yours. "if i started loving you, are you going to stay?" he said and you were speechless. "i'm sick of people leaving me." he mumbled as he embraced you. "i don't want you to leave. i promise, i'll love you like how you want it. i'll do it, i'll move on from her but in exchange, don't ever leave, okay? we'll heal you, you'll be fine."

what was he even talking about? it's not like your leaving or something, right?

you sighed, brushing off his words as you placed him on the bed.

"don't force yourself to love someone, toji. go to sleep, i'll look for megumi."

you were about to leave the house as you heard sobs coming from the house. and when you followed the sound, you were surprised to see megumi who tucked himself at a kitchen cabinet.

"mama!" he said as he embraced you.

"megumi, what are you doing inside the cabinet?"

"i'm hiding." he frowned as you wiped his tears.

"from who?" you said with a soft voice to calm him.

"mama.." megumi mumbled as his voice slightly cracked. "papa said you'll leave us."

"he said that?" you said as you kneeled into his level and he nods at your question. "he's lying." you said as megumi sighed in relief and embraced you once again.

"papa said you'll leave just like my real mama." megumi pulled away from the hug as he saw your surprised expression. "it's not true, right? mama."

your forced a smile as you pinched megumi's cheeks.

"of course, mama won't leave. never."

"toji, can you drive megumi to school today?" you muttered as you saw toji who was about to leave the room.

"what was that?" toji asked as he closed the door once again and approached you. you sit up from the bed and your vision started to spin.

"bring megumi to school." you said followed with a small cough.

"yeah sure." he hesitantly said.

"thanks." you mumbled as you lay back down on the bed.

"you okay?" toji asked as you felt him sit on the bed.

"i'm fine, must be a fever." you said but toji wasn't convinced and placed the back of his palm on your forehead to your neck and you were burning. toji was about to say something but he felt your cold hands on his.

"i'm fine, don't worry." you assured him with a smile as you let go of his hand and faced the other side. you were burning but your hands were too cold.

"i'll be back." toji said, immediately leaving the room as you heard the doorknob clicked.

toji was back after sending megumi to school. megumi insisted on seeing you before leaving but if he found out you're sick, toji knew megumi wouldn't want to go to school anymore. you weren't in the room when toji entered.

he started looking for you around the house and the kitchen was the last place he expected to see you. he sighed in relief when he saw you sleeping on the table with a glass of water in your right hand. toji's eybrows furrowed as he silently approached you. he can hear your soft snores as he went closer and closer.

"(name)?" he said in a whispered tone and you woke up within a second as you look around.

"oh?" was the only word you let out as you felt toji's hands on your shoulders. "i fell asleep."

"what are you doing here?" he said as you tried to stand up but you failed. you don't have the energy even to stand up.

"i got thirsty but i got tired before i even drink water." you said as you finally drink the glass of water.

"you should see a doctor." toji suggested.

"i'm finee." you said as you let toji guide you back to the room.

slowly, you sit from the bed as toji helped you to lay down. he placed a blanket above your body and went straight to the bathroom inside the room. he went back with a wet towel and a bucket of water as he started wiping your face with it.

"thank you." you whispered, even your throat was hurting. toji didn't respond as he continued on his task and after that, toji took another towel and placed it above your head.

"toji." you called as he stopped at the door he just opened.

'can you stay please?'

how badly you wanted to ask him to stay with you, but the dreams you had before started replaying in your mind. maybe you shouldn't. "it's nothing." you said as you pulled the blanket above your chin.

toji seemed to notice your distress as he silently closed the door and approached you again.

"i will be back. i'll just buy you food." he said as you covered your whole body with the blanket.

"okay." you said and you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.

do you have to be sick for toji to look out for you? maybe being sick is not that bad after all.

toji came back after five minutes, it's not that you're counting though, you were just bored.

"where did you go?" you asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"i'll just order, what do you want- i mean, you can't eat anything for now, let's just order a soup." toji looked at you as he heard you laugh at his words.

"there's no need, toji. it's not that hard to cook a soup." you said as you sit up from the bed, only for toji to push you back down on the bed as you let him place the blanket above you.

"don't be stubborn."

"toji, don't tell me you can't cook a soup." you said.

"it's not like that, okay? i just-" he paused for a moment before turning his back on you. "you seemed like you want a some company, that's why i am here." he said.

speechless, that's how you describe yourself now.

"is that so?" you said as you watch him scratch his head.

"i'll do this on my own way, okay?"

"okay. but let me, i know exactly where to order a good soup."

"this looks plain as hell." toji said as he opened the soup you ordered.

"but it's delicious, and why are you complaining?" you said as you raised your eyebrow at him. "i'm the one who's gonna eat it, not you!" you exclaimed as toji huffed in response.

toji started pouring the soup on a bowl before placing a chair beside the bed. and for a moment, you look at him and he looks at you.

"it's fine, i can do it myself." you said, trying to reach the bowl on his hand but he moved it slightly away from your reach. he hesitated for a moment before taking the spoon on his finger.

"ahh." he instructed.

"toji, this is embarrassing." you muttered as you move away from the spoon.

"how are you gonna get better if you're being stubborn?"

"just let me!!"

"tch, let me handle this." he said as you, again, tried to take the spoon from him but it was useless so you did what he said as he slowly placed the spoon with soup in your mouth.

it was quiet as toji continues to feed you, until it's the last spoon of the soup, you suddenly let out a cough as the soup dripped from the corner of your mouth and to the duvet.

"oh." you mumbled as toji reached out for the tissues. "sorry." you mumbled as you started to wipe the soup on the blanket and then the corner of your mouth. "we have to change blankets, i guess."

it was too sudden that you didn't have time to process everything when toji leaned close to you. you can feel his hot breath on your cheek as he pressed his lips on the corner of your lips, with him tasting the soup he just fed you.

you were sure you were losing your breath as he pulled away as if nothing happened.

"ah, sorry." he said as if he just didn't kiss you. he started to gather the paper bag of the soup earlier and took the blanket on your hands. "i'll get a new one." he said as he finally left the room.

why is he acting so normal when you're there sitting on the bed, trying to calm your speeding heart at the moments earlier.

you cursed under your breath as you hide your face with your palms.

why are you even embarrassed when kissing is normal to a married couple? it was normal but it was unusual for toji to act like that, you haven't even hold hands with him but a kiss? that's way more unexpected.

toji gently closed the door of the room as he leaned his weight on it.

"fuck." he muttered as he clutched the blanket on his hand.

seeing you wipe the soup on the blanket with that smile on your face urge toji to do that. he himself didn't expect it too. he cursed once again before proceeding to the task in hand.

you were startled when the door opens.

it was toji carrying a new blanket.

"i'll pick up megumi soon." he said.

"what about your work?"

"i took a day off." you hoped he did because you were sick. "you can't be left alone." he said as if he just read your mind.

"oh. thank you."

"not a problem. make sure to do the same when i got sick too." he joked, but it didn't fail to put a smile on your face.

"of course, i would love too! but i'm not saying that i want you to get sick!"

"mama!" you can hear megumi's voice from afar as he finally entered your room, throwing his lunchbox bag somewhere as he approached you.

"megumi, don't get to close." you said.

"mama! are you okay?"

"megumi, stop yelling." toji said as he entered the room, picking up megumi's lunchbox bag he threw minutes ago.

"you said mama is not sick!"

"megumi, don't yell at your papa." you said as megumi finally faced you, his face turning into a frown as he faced his father once again.

"i'm sorry, papa." he muttered.

toji was impressed that you could make megumi easily obey you. a thing he couldn't do when megumi was 3 years old.

"come on, change into your home clothes." toji said as he carried megumi like a sack of rice.

"i'll be back, mama!" he said before he and toji disappeared from your view and toji came back after a minute before closing the door with a sigh.

"come and rest." you said as you pat the empty space beside you.

toji sat beside you as the surroundings became quiet. he cleared his throat as he took the plushie megumi bought you and squeezed it.

"i'm sorry." he said.

"why?" you said, completely confused at the apology he just uttered.

"earlier. i didn't mean it."

oh.

"w-well, it's fine." you said as you conceal your stutter with a cough. "it's not like i'm complaining.."

"ha?"

"i mean- don't get the wrong idea!" you said, trying to find the right words. do you say it's okay, i liked it? or it's okay, i enjoyed it? "but.. did you regret it?" you asked, and the tension suddenly became heavy.

he was quiet and must be thinking about it.

"i did-" he paused, and that small pause sure made you nervous. "not?.." toji said in a questioning manner. you felt nervous and relieved at the same time.

"what about you?" he asked and you were more than confident at your answer.

"no. if i'm being honest, i really.. liked it." the last sentence were whispered.

"was that your first kiss?" he asked and you only hummed in response. it was true that toji was your first kiss, even if it was just a peck, his lips still touched yours.

you felt toji shift on the bed as he faced you.

"come closer." he said and you hesitated for a bit as you finally faced him and crawled a bit closer to him.

you were looking anywhere but his eyes as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. and then he's leaning close again.

"tell me to stop and i will." he mumbled, forcing you to look in his dark blue eyes.

"toji, are you sure about this?" you mumbled as you clutched your pajamas under the blanket. "don't do something you'll regret, toji."

he cuts you off by finally kissing you and it wasn't just a peck like you expected it.

he continued and deepened the kiss, until you're laying on the bed and when he finally pulled away, his hands was between your head as you clutch his clothes on his shoulders.

"toji-"

"shh.. i do not regret any of it."

"i need to confine you for 15 days, so i could monitor you properly."

"but i am resting!"

"yes you are, but it's not enough. it's better if it's being observed that you're taking a rest."

"is there another way?" you said as you clutch your phone in your hand. "i actually don't know how to tell my husband." you said as choso looked at you.

"but i already called him. he said he's on his way here."

"huh, what do you mean?" you said, completely surprised that it made you stand up from the chair. "he doesn't even know that i am sick." you said. "choso, i told you to keep it a secret right?"

"i'm sorry, he accused us of having an affair. i needed to." and then there was a knock on the door, and you knew who exactly it is. toji entered the room and you look away from him.

"take a sit, mr. fushiguro." choso said as he instructed him to sit beside you. you weren't looking at him but you can feel toji's burning gaze at you. choso left the room for a moment and being alone with toji became suffocating right now.

you suddenly felt his hand above yours. you thought he would judge or even get mad at you but you but he didn't.

"we'll talk later, okay?" he said as choso finally came back.

"15 days? if that's enough. as long as you treat my wife." toji said. he's doing all the talking while you sit there in silence and.. he really did call you his wife.

toji thanked choso after that as he held your hand and pulled you with him. you gave choso a last glance, a glance as if he just betrayed you and he was looking at you with his apologetic gaze, and there, you and toji left the hospital.

"when did you found out?" you asked.

"a few weeks ago. i followed you." toji said as the signal lights turned red and there was a faint sound of music in the background. "why didn't you tell me?" he asked and you hesitated for a moment as you sit up straight on the front seat.

"choso said it wasn't that life threatening, that's why i thought i don't have to tell anyone." you were mumbling that toji almost didn't understand your words.

"not life threatening but now you need to be confined for 15 days?" toji said and you went silent. "do you not trust me?" he suddenly asked and you immediately disagreed at his words.

"no!" you said. "sorry, i just don't want to be a burden and.. i thought you wouldn't care." you said, whispering the last sentence as you wait for his response. and he didn't respond anymore, until both of you reached the house.

"toji, i'm really sorry." you said and he finally looked at you.

"we're in this together, why would you think i wouldn't care?" he asked and you frowned.

"i'm sorry toji. i just didn't have enough courage to tell you because.. it's because of your wife."

"my wife?" he scoffed, raising his eyebrow as you nod.

"i don't know how to tell you because all you could think of is your wife!" you were frantic as you explain, trying not to say the wrong words because it might trigger him in some way as your emotions get the best of you. "i thought you wouldn't care because i'm not her." you said as you look down on the ground, trying to hold the tears that was eager to come out.

"but i do care, this is not about her. this is about you."

"you don't understand it, toji." you said.

"then i apologize if i came of that way, that you thought i wouldn't care because all i think of is my wife." toji said, emphasizing the words with sarcasm. "but you're my wife too, my wife now." he said, the sarcasm dropping on his voice.

"but i'm not the presence you've been wanting for, i know my place, toji. you reminded me a lot of times already." you said.

when did talking about your illness turned into fighting over his deceased wife?

toji sighed at your response and you took a step back when he stepped forward.

"i'm sorry, i want to be alone for now." you mumbled as you went to your shared room.

you and him were fine just last night? what happened now? it was all because of your stubbornness. it was obvious that toji was worried and cares for you but you're pushing him away.

you couldn't help it, you aren't used at him caring for you. you're mistaking his kindness into something, that maybe he's saying all of it out of pity or guilt.

that's right, now you realized why toji was weird the past few weeks. it's because he already found out and he just didn't tell you.

toji forced the door open with a key and he saw you sitting at the edge of the bed. you didn't even notice him until he sat beside you.

"i'm sorry." you said at the same time.

"sorry, i involved her again." you said as you felt toji's hand at your back.

"i didn't know you felt that way." he said.

"it's okay. i know how hard it is to move on from someone." you said as you held his free hand. "this will be the last time, toji." you said.

"what do you mean?" he asked.

"i'm not dying." you said with a laugh. "what i mean is this will be the last time i'll involve her. i finally realized it, toji. that no matter what i do, i still couldn't do anything for you to love me the way i love you." toji was about to say something but you cut him off. "but it's fine! like you said, we're married only in papers. i think i'm getting it now."

he was silent and you felt his touch disappear on your back.

"i just want to sort everything out before i stay in the hospital for 15 days." you mumbled as you sighed deeply. "sooo, friends then?" you said, the same exact words he told you before you two got married by force. but you saying it hit something in him, it made his chest ache.

he felt your hand take his and shake it, as if both of you just had an agreement. you didn't even wait for his reply as you finally sit up from the bed and started packing some clothes you'll be needing and he could only watch.

"don't worry, it'll only be 15 days. mr. fushiguro can still visit everyday but only around 10 AM to 5 PM." choso said as he glanced at your way.

"choso, did you know there was a theory that being hospitalized will only worsen your state. what if that happens to me?" you said.

"that's a lie, you're here not to worsen your state but to heal you."

"but what if? you know, everything is unexpected."

"why'd you even ask?"

"i don't know. i guess i'm ready?" you said and choso was looking at you with his judging expression. "just kidding." you said as you laugh.

"think of the people who cares for you. be strong for them because they're waiting for you to come home." choso said and megumi was the only person you could think of.

"my son." you said with a smile.

"yes, megumi's waiting for you so stop with your negative thoughts."

"ok, i will."

"mama!" your mood shifted as you heard megumi and he finally entered the room.

he was on his school uniform as he approached you, his upper body leaning on the bed as he tried to reach for you. you leaned close to him as megumi's small hands held you by your cheeks.

"mama, why are you here?" he asked as he frowned.

"mama needs to stay here for now but don't worry."

"why?"

"megumi, don't ask too many questions." toji said.

"it's fine." you said.

toji was watching you and his son interact.

megumi was still mad at him but megumi just didn't show you. toji mentally slapped himself as he recalled the happenings yesterday.

it was megumi frantically looking for you around the house.

megumi was running around the house as he call for you.

"where's mama?" he asked toji as he pants.

"she'll be staying at the hospital for now." toji said.

"why? is mama sick?" megumi said as he approached his father who's ignoring his question. "papa!"

"megumi, you won't understand. and yes mama is sick. now stop asking."

"why is mama sick!" megumi yelled, asking questions, eager to know the answers.

"she needs her heart to be healed. there, now go to your room megumi, you have school tomorrow."

"heart?" megumi muttered as he forced himself on his father's sight as toji sighed. "it's all your fault!" megumi yelled and toji ignored him. "you always make mama cry! now her heart is sad because of you! you always get mad at mama when you come home drunk!"

"what did you say?" toji said as he held megumi by his shoulders.

"i hate you! i wish it's you in the hospital not mama!" megumi said before he could even realize his words as toji let go of megumi. toji sat back on the couch and megumi ran out of the living room.

megumi cried to his sleep as he craved for your presence.

megumi was laying on top of you as you lull him to sleep.

"say sorry to your papa later, okay?" you said as megumi sniffed before nodding.

toji went to buy foods outside as megumi told you everything he said last night.

"it's not your papa's fault why i am here. remember that."

"mama get home soon, okay?"

"of course." you said as you pinch his nose. "stop crying now."

after some minutes, toji finally came back as you and megumi ate the food he bought.

megumi sat at the back seat as he hug his knees.

"i'm sorry, papa." he mumbled. "mama told me what i said is bad. i'm sorry." toji kept quiet as he drives.

he carried megumi who fell asleep at the back seat to his room, giving him a kiss on the forehead before leaving.

toji thought megumi was right, that maybe it was better that it was him in the hospital and not you. he didn't want to lose anyone anymore and toji hoped that he isn't too late.

he was blaming himself.

he already considered himself as a curse, because if he started to love someone, something bad will happen to them. worst is they disappear from his life.

is it a right choice to finally love you?

maybe not.

first week of your stay in hospital wasn't that boring as you thought it would be.

toji would visit you at the starting hours and will bring megumi from school at the last hour, though megumi always sleep on top of you since he wanted to be close to you.

toji would sit there in silence as you hum megumi a lullaby he once heard his son humming while doing his assignments.

toji knew megumi were attached to you but he didn't knew he's that attached to the point that megumi always cry every night, looking for you and will end up sleeping beside toji occupying the space you usually lay at.

"mama, i counted and it's 8." megumi said as he sat on the hospital bed beside you.

"that's right, 7 days more and mama can go home."

"but 7 days is too long." megumi said as he frowned.

"it's not if you stop focusing on it."

"okay, i will not!" you and megumi laughed at the same time and he kneeled towards you as he started wiping your under eyes with his thumb.

"mama, are you sleeping enough?" megumi asked.

"i am. it's just so boring here when i'm alone." you said as megumi embraced you.

"don't worry, mama. i will pray so you can go back home."

"thank you, 'gumi."

"mama." megumi whispered after a minute of silence as you hummed in response.

"papa is not sleeping well." megumi said as he look around as if someone was there to listen but it was just you and him since toji left when someone called him.

"why?" you asked.

"papa misses you, mama."

"he does?" you said as megumi frantically nods.

"he said it to me!" megumi exclaimed excitedly.

megumi was sitting on the kitchen stool as he stared at the cereal on the table.

he hates cereal, he loves the food you cook for him but since you weren't around, he needed to eat it for now.

"stop crying megumi. she'll be back soon." toji said as he drink his black coffee.

megumi wiped his tears as he sniffed.

"i miss mama." megumi mumbled followed by another sniff and toji sighed as he sat beside his son.

"i miss mama too but don't worry, okay? let's have faith and be strong for her too."

"okay. but papa if mama is back you better not make her heart sad again." megumi said as he waited for his father's response and minutes passed, he noticed his father was spacing out. "papa?"

"oh?" toji snapped out of his thoughts as he smiled at megumi. "of course."

"bye bye mama." megumi said as he look away from you and you knew he was holding his tears back.

"come here." you said as he slowly approached you. "don't cry, you'll be back tomorrow, right?" megumi nods as he wiped his eyes with his sleeves. "bye bye." you said as you kissed his forehead before he went back beside toji as he held toji's hand.

you made an eye contact with toji "see you?" you said and he only nod in response.

why are you expecting something when you and toji already settled everything as friends.

toji looked at you for the last time before he and megumi left the room, leaving you alone again.

what are you even expecting? it's not like he would do something.

you just hope that he did something though. maybe a kiss on your forehead? or just a simple words of affirmation, but nevermind.

you sighed as you hug your knees, you should stop thinking about something that'll hurt your own feelings, you didn't want to worsen your state more, do you?

as if it was a coincidence, choso entered the room with papers in his hand.

"hi." you greeted as choso entered the room.

"how are you feeling?"

"nice, i guess?"

"good job, there's a lot of progress." he said.

"wow really?!" you said excitedly.

"yes, you don't have to stay for another 7 days. did your husband left already?"

"they just left."

"call them back so you could finally go home with them."

"mama, do you hate papa?" megumi suddenly asked as he looked up at you, both of you laying on the couch with book in your hand.

"why are you asking that question? of course i don't."

"really? but why do you and papa always fight?"

"we aren't fighting, megumi. that nights you saw him getting mad was because he wasn't in his right mind and he was drunk."

"oh, okay." megumi said as he lay down back on your chest as you started playing with his hair again.

"i love your papa so much, 'gumi. more than i love myself." you whispered as you smile.

toji is currently helping you with the laundry since he couldn't force you enough to take a rest.

"take a rest." toji said for the nth time as you wait for the laundry to finish.

"i'll just finish this." you said.

toji sighed, another attempt to force you failed and he could only wait for you.

he was getting impatient as he stand just at the door. he couldn't leave you alone, he's worried something might happen if he lose sight of you.

the same lullaby you're humming for megumi can be heard at the background as he watch you attentively.

but a sudden gasp left your mouth, your humming getting interrupted as you felt him hug you from behind.

"just take a rest." toji said.

"i'm almost finished." you said, an unexplainable feeling stirring in your system. it was as if you're uncomfortable at the physical touch he just initiated.

weren't you craving for his touch? now that he did it, why are you complaining?

"come on. i'll finish that. listen to your doctor, will you?" toji said as he held you by the wrist and pulled you going to the room.

"do you know what you'll do?"

"yeah, i do the laundry before." he said.

"okay, let me know if you're done."

you've met toji before, back when you were in middle school. maybe he doesn't remember you but you remember him.

that time when someone was making fun of you, he involved himself and protected you. it wasn't really a fight, it was just him pushing them away that made them run away from the scene.

"thank you." you mumbled and when he looked back at you, you noticed a band aid on the side of his mouth that was already red in color. he only looked at you as he walked away. but before he could get away, you held him by his hand. he made an irritated expression that scared you for a moment as you stutter through your words.

"i have a band aid here." you said as you look at each pocket of your clothes until you found it in your hoodie. toji was watching with an unimpressed look as he stand awkwardly. he hissed in pain when you removed the band aid from his lip and replaced it with a new one.

"there." you said. he didn't even thanked you as he left and when toji saw his reflection on a random store, the design of the band aid was really, embarrassing.. a hello kitty design.

you were at the middle of college when your parents told you to stop. they had arranged a marriage for you that you didn't even want. you didn't want to stop college, you wanted to be free but they wouldn't let you. when you met your soon to be husband, you thought he was familiar but couldn't place your finger with. you were sure that you saw this man somewhere, you just couldn't recall where.

the scar on the side of his mouth made you curious as you stare at it and it suddenly made toji self-conscious.

"ah this scar?" he said as your eyes shifted from his scar to his eyes. you were on your first 'date' with toji. the one both of your parents said to get to know each other more.

"i got this from abuse." he said straightforwardly as you laugh nervously.

"um.. did it hurt?" you asked.

"no." he said as he placed his hand near his scar and as if something slapped you mentally, toji's current position reminded you of someone. that kid from the playground, the one who defended you from the bullies, the one that you gave the band aid you just bought because you accidentally scraped your knee, but you gave it to him. toji noticed you genuinely smile at him followed with a wholehearted laugh.

"what's wrong?" he asked and you only shake your head in response.

what a coincidence. who would've thought that the kid you kept on searching for, the reason why you stayed at the playground for who knows how long, hoping to see him again was being married to you? what an unexpected turn of your life.

getting to know each other means getting to know everything in your life. personal or not. it was as if that 'date' made your heart full and ended up being broken in the end. toji was the kid you've been looking for, for a long time now but then he suddenly told you that he was already married and they had a son together.

he clarified that he only accepted the marriage because he didn't have a choice. he told you he just didn't want to disobey his parents and megumi just need a presence of a mother.

"being friends will do." he said as you hesitantly nod.

you didn't even know why you suddenly remembered the past.

"(name), where did you put-" the words died in toji's throat as he opens the door, only to find you standing at one of his drawers, a folder in your hand as you continue to stare at the paper.

the folder was immediately snatched at your hands as toji placed it back on his drawer.

"that's–" you gasped.

"no, listen–" toji mentally cursed himself. he forgot to throw the divorce papers he requested back when it's the first month of your relationship. he forgot to throw it when he was cleaning his drawers the day you were at the hospital

you looked at him, and he hated that look in your face as another curse left his mind. what should he say? how should he explain it.

"well, if that's what you want."

"no." toji said as he moved close to you but your instinct told you to step back and you did. "that was, that wasn't.." he was stuttering through his words as he heard you sigh.

your heart was aching but you have to ease the pain. you didn't want to go back to the hospital again.

"it's fine, toji. you don't have to explain." you said as you sit at the edge of the bed.

"that was before. first month of us being married." toji explained and the small shift of your mood got unnoticed by him.

"is that so?" you said, looking up at him. "maybe i did something you didn't like to ask for divorce papers, huh." you chuckled as you recalled the first month of your marriage. it was megumi finally addressing you as his mother.

toji admitted that day that he didn't want megumi calling you 'mama' but he didn't want to wipe the genuine smile on his son's face so he just let him call you his mother.

"i'm sorry." he said followed by a strong curse.

"why?"

"fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't- that was before. i don't want a divorce now." toji said and the ache in your chest suddenly disappeared as you gave him a teasing grin.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you joked and it was clearly just a joke, but the tension suddenly changed. he wasn't laughing at your words but was looking straight in your eyes with something in it.

"i'm just joking.." you said as toji finally looked away from you. he couldn't stop cursing mentally. he was lost in his thoughts and didn't feel you moving close to him and when you were about to place a hand on his shoulder, to simply get his attention, he suddenly held you by the wrist.

"toji, what's wrong?" you asked. he started gripping your wrist tightly and both of you were interrupted by the knock on the door.

"papa! lala wants to talk to you on the telephone!" megumi yelled as you look at the door but when you look back at toji, he suddenly leaned close to you, giving your lips a peck, as if it was to reassure you and suddenly he was at the door.

you were frozen in your spot as you watch him close the door, your hand flying to your lips and caress it and instead of an ache, your heart was beating with happiness.

it was one of those nights where toji couldn't sleep again. it happens when something is bugging his mind. he was staring at the ceiling with a deadpanned expression and your shifting caught his attention. both of you were surprised when both met each other's eyes.

it suddenly became awkward.

toji sat up from the bed as he leaned his back on the headboard. you stayed at your position as you stare at the ceiling. there are questions that wanted to be answered, but you think staying quiet would be the best option for now.

toji side glanced your figure, and there were space enough for another person to fit. has it always been like this? now toji is sure that it has been always like this.

toji doesn't know what to do as he continuously stare at you until you finally look at him. (his gaze was burning holes into you.)

there, you sat up from the bed too, doing what he did as you cleared your throat to ease some of the awkwardness that was around.

"can't sleep?" he asked.

"yeah, what about you?"

"can't sleep." you chuckled at his response as you bend your knees close to your chest. why is it starting to get cold?

"about the divorce-"

"i already told you that it was before.. i have no intention in pushing the divorce."

"why?" you asked and toji thinks he doesn't even know why. you were itching to know the reason when toji could've pushed through the divorce long ago.

"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you recalled those words you said last morning and to your side, it was clearly just a joke so you removed that as one of the reasons why.

"was it because you found out i was sick?"

"no." he felt embarrassed on how quick he disagreed with your question. "i mean-"

"hm, what could be the reason.." you mumbled as if you're talking to yourself and toji couldn't help but observe you.

"it's best if we sleep for now." toji said as you hummed in response and started tucking yourself at the duvet, facing the wall. you weren't even surprised when you felt him pull you close to his chest. it was as if you're expecting him to do that. and he really did and there, you faced him as you wrapped your arms around his figure with your face hiding on his chest. toji inhaled your shampoo as he sighed in satisfaction.

"will this help you to sleep?" you asked as you look up at him. toji looked down at you with that stupid smirk on his face.

"i could ask you the same question." he said as he chuckled when you went back to hide your face on his chest.

"it will." you whispered but toji surely heared it clearly.

"then that goes the same for me."

"mama loves to cuddle." megumi said as he looked at toji's plain expression. megumi copied his father's expression after looking away from him, continuing the assignment he was doing.

"that's all?" toji said as megumi scoffed at him.

"you asked me what mama likes the most!" megumi argued as he fully face his father. "that's the most, mama loves cuddles!"

"okay okay, stop yelling." toji said when he heard your footsteps approaching them.

"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he ran towards you to hug you.

"good morning, megumi." you said, looking at toji as you nod at him.

"morning." he said as megumi pulled you on the table at the living room, showing his little drawing to you and toji.

"what's that?" you asked as megumi smiled.

"this is mama," megumi said as he pointed at you. "this is papa and this is 'gumi."

oh. it was a family drawing. your heart started beating through your ears as you look at megumi.

"my teacher said our assignment is to draw a family!" megumi exclaimed excitedly as he faced you and toji.

family? could you even consider yourself as one of their family? megumi could've drawn his real mother, why did he have to-

your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand on your back. you looked back and saw toji looking at you, it was different, the way his eyes calmed you. you awkwardly smiled at him as he pulled you close to his side while placing his other hand on megumi's shoulder.

"what's this?" toji asked as he pointed at a drawing which is color white and black.

"it's my dream dog! i want white and black." megumi said. your heart was racing as you feel the warmth of toji's palm on your side.

"why is mama carrying a stick?" toji asked as megumi huffed.

"so she can beat you when you hurt her again." megumi said as you laugh, finally joining in their conversation.

"that's cruel, megumi. i couldn't hurt your papa." you didn't even feel when toji already removed his hand on your side as he watch you and megumi, a smile making its way on his face.

"there.." you said as you dropped the pencil at the table.

"wow!" megumi exclaimed as you revealed some changes in his drawing.

"what are you holding, mama?" megumi asked.

"roses, mama loves roses." you said as you pat megumi's head.

"oh okay! then 'gumi loves roses too." megumi said as he grinned at you.

"but there are many types of roses." you said as you fixed megumi's disheveled shirt.

"really? what's your favorite among them, mama? megumi asked.

"the purple one!" you said as megumi nods at you.

"why not red, mama? red is famous one right?"

"yes, but i love purple more. because it means love at first sight." you said as you bump megumi's nose with your pointer finger.

you watch him look to the side as you follow his line of sight. he was looking at his father. you forgot that toji was even there as you look away with embarrassment. clearing his throat, toji stood up from the couch as he brushed his hair with his fingers.

"i'm gonna prepare for work." he said before leaving as megumi watch his father disappeared from his sight.

"mama, is papa your love at first sight?" megumi asked when his father wasn't around anymore. you smiled as you recalled the very first day you laid your eyes on him.

"he is." you said with admiration in your tone. "did you know i met your papa when he was a kid?" you said.

"really? what's he like?!" megumi asked with excitement as he leaned close to you.

"hm, he's still the same.. but he saved me from bullies." you said as megumi kept quiet, wanting to know more. "i scraped my knee but i gave my band aid to him because his lips were bleeding."

"is that why papa have a scar?"

"i guess?" you said as you ruffled megumi's hair. "it's just a secret between us, okay?" you whispered as megumi nods at you.

unbeknownst to you, he heard everything you told megumi as he recalled that day where he first got the scar on his lip, that hello kitty band aid. so it was you, huh.

toji left after eating breakfast and it was past lunch when you heard a knock on your front door.

but you weren't expecting visitors, who could it be?

you were surprised when you're met with, no one. but there was a bouquet of purple roses on your doorsteps.

you picked it up as you read the note.

'this is for you, i hope you like it.'

you bit your bottom lip to suppress the smile but it couldn't be helped.

you inhaled the scent of the roses as you finally went inside the house.

"thank you for the roses, toji." night finally approached as toji looked up from his laptop and to you.

"what roses?" he asked as you look at him in disbelief.

"that- you, weren't you the one-" toji suddenly laughed as he closed his laptop.

"i'm just kidding." he said as you glared at him.

"not funny!" you said, almost embarrassed when you stammered with your words just a minute ago.

"did you like it?" toji asked as he started preparing the duvet.

as if it was already planned, you move close to him as he finally covered both of your bodies with the duvet. "i love it."

toji's arms automatically made its way to wrap securely around you.

"how's your check up with choso?" toji asked as he switched off the lamp.

"he recommended me another medicine."

"huh? why? i thought you're getting better?" toji asked as you silently laugh at him.

"yes i am, it was just a vitamin, i mean."

"ah, is that so?"

"mhm."

"sleepy already?" toji asked in a teasing tone and you only further hide your face on his chest. "goodnight." he mumbled.

"i love you, toji." you mumbled against his chest. "you can say it back when you're ready." you said as you look up at him and toji lightly smiled at you.

"i'm almost there.." he mumbled.

"i can still wait.." you said as you looked at him with glint in your eyes. toji let you kiss him on the lips before you went back on hiding your face. he chuckled as he pulled you closer with his hand behind your head.

it was a random night, a random song that was being played on the radio can be heard as you sit down on the couch of the living room. the lights were all closed, the street light outside being the only source of light inside your home.

toji wasn't home yet and megumi is already sleeping in his room.

your head almost fell on the couch when the click of the door woke you up.

toji sighed as he closed the door.

"i'm home." he muttered, but didn't expect to see you approaching him in the dark.

"welcome back." you greeted as you took his bag on his hand, guiding him on the living room.

"have you eaten?" you asked.

"ye-"

"let's eat together, i'm hungry!" you exclaimed as you held him by his hand, guiding him to the kitchen. well maybe eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt. toji thought.

"megumi?" he asked.

"already sleeping." you replied with an almost sleepy voice as toji sighed.

"you didn't have to wait for me." he said as he stand beside your almost sleeping form. "let's get you to bed." toji said and carried you in a bridal style.

"toji.. let's sleep." you said as he unbuttoned his almost tight polo.

"yeah, i'll just changed my clothes."

"hurryy."

"did you drink?" toji asked as he lied beside you.

"no."

"why are you being clingy?" he asked.

"miss you." you mumbled, wrapping your arms on his figure. "did you miss me?" you asked and toji couldn't help but smell you.

you didn't even smell like alcohol.

"i'm not drunk, i'm just sleepy." you said as if you just read his mind.

"alright."

"you didn't answer me yet."

"i did." he said as you squealed in happiness.

"okay, good night. i love you." you mumbled.

toji gaze softened as he pulled you close to his chest.

"good night." i love you too.

it was late at night again and toji was still not home. megumi was sent back home by a school bus last afternoon.

you haven't eaten yet. you were waiting for toji so both of you could eat dinner at the same time again and the door clicked as you stood up from the couch.

"i'm home." toji mumbled.

"welcome back!" you exclaimed.

if yesterday you were sleepy, today you have a lot of energy. you took the bag from toji's hand as you walked ahead, only to be pulled back when toji held your wrist, placing a kiss on your forehead as he loosened his tie.

it sure caught you off guard as toji walked past you as if nothing happened.

"well, have you eaten?" you asked, almost stuttering.

"yes." he responded and you mentally frowned.

"okayy." you said as you help him remove his blazer.

"what about you?" he asked, but before you could answer, your stomach growling did it for you. embarrassing.

"well, i guess eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt, right?" he said.

"hi, welcome back.." you slowly said as you took toji's bag in your hand.

"i'm home." he muttered, walking past you but suddenly he went back and give your forehead a kiss before removing his watch.

"bad day?" you asked, helping him remove his blazer.

"yeah, i think i couldn't eat dinner with you tonight." he said with a frown.

"it's fine! you go and rest." you said, giving him a smile of reassurance.

toji frowned once again when you made your way to the kitchen. you were humming a song but you were stopped when you saw toji sitting at his usual spot. you blinked twice at him as he sighed.

"well, i got hungry." he said, not looking at your way.

"okay! i'll re-heat some more then." you exclaimed with a smile and toji couldn't help but mirror it.

"thank you for the food."

another bad day.

you noticed it the moment toji entered the house with a slumped shoulders.

"welcome back." you greeted, doing the same routine.

"i'm home." he responded, hooking an arm around you before placing a kiss on your.. lips? "what's dinner for today?" he asked as he started unbuttoning his polo. "(name)? what's wrong?" he asked.

"w-well, i made your favorite." you stammered as you made your way infront of him, helping him remove his blazer.

toji made his way first at the kitchen, taking a mug from the cabinet and it caught your attention.

"coffee?" you asked as he nods and suddenly, you placed a hand on his back.

"take a seat. i'll make you one." you said.

"i can do it myself."

"just let me take care of this, okay? you're tired from work." you said, turning on your back to make him a black coffee when you suddenly felt his weight behind you.

"thank you." he mumbled before going back to sit and it made you proud of yourself.

"welcom-" you were cut off when toji harshly kissed you, his hand flying at the back of your head as he pushed you, until your body collided with a wall. "toji-" you mumbled through his kisses as you pat his shoulder. "can't breathe!" you said as he finally pulled away, with him leaning his forehead on yours as both of you catch your breaths.

"bad day again?" you asked but he only clicked his tongue, continuing his task on you, the food you made being forgotten as he carried you and made his way on the bedroom, and also not forgetting to lock the door.

thank goodness it was saturday today.

your whole body was aching and toji was out of sight as you sat up from the bed.

"mama?" megumi's voice can be heard at the door as he knocked three times before opening, only to see you on the ground. "mama!" megumi exclaimed as he approached you. "papa help!" megumi yelled as he struggled to help you stand up.

"megumi look out for the food in the kitchen." toji said as megumi followed what he was instructed.

"it hurts." you said as toji easily carried you, placing you back on the bed.

"guess i went rough last night." he mocked.

"shut up!"

"i'm home." toji said as he entered the house. you smiled as you approached him.

"not a bad day anymore?" you joked as he laughed, hooking a hand around you as he placed a kiss on your lips. you were used to it now.

"yeah." he replied as both of you did the usual routine.

after the dinner, you were quiet. it was unusual for you to be silent.

"toji-"

"what's wrong?" he asked, cutting you off. the night you both shared was 2 weeks ago, you were supposed to have your period 2 days ago but none came.

"i'm late." you said, starting to get stressed. "i'm scared, what if i ended up being pregnant-"

"then that's good. megumi will have a playmate. is it not?"

"but-"

"it's okay." he said, taking your hand on his and you were surprised when he removed the wedding ring on your finger, placing a new one. "wear this from now on." he said, placing a new ring with a rare design on it.

"thank you.. i love it but, why?"

"i want to get married again." he said, looking straight in your eyes.

"but we're already married." you said as you frowned.

"but for real this time." he said with a smile. "you know, before, i wasn't-" he paused, he couldn't say it but you already understood what he was saying.

"i understand." you said as you laughed.

"will you marry me again?" he asked and you couldn't contain the big smile that was on your face.

"i would love too!" you said as you embraced him, with him spinning you around.

"i love you (name).. thank you for staying with me and megumi. thank you for not giving up on us.. on me." he said and you couldn't help but tear up.

finally. it's finally happening.

"i love you too." you responded with a shaky voice as he wiped your tears with his thumb before finally connecting his lips with yours.

it was worth all the wait.

#nana.gumi #toji fushiguro #toji fushigro x reader #toji x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jjk angst #toji x you #toji angst #toji fushiguro angst #megumi angst #fushiguro angst #jjk #toji smut

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realmermaid333 · 9 months

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A Guide to Using the "Inspired By" Function on AO3

The "inspired by" function allows writers to display fanfics that inspired their own fanfic neatly in the "notes" section via a link. It is used to credit inspiration, for archival purposes, and also for translations, remixes, and podfics.

It is a very fun function because it encourages community, and even gives your readers something else to read while they wait for your own fic to update. It can help people who really like a certain trope or writing idea easily find another fic just like it. And, if you use the function, the writer you are inspired by can choose to link it back to their own fic. So, at the end of their fic it will say, "works inspired by this one," and list yours.

"How can I tell if I should use the "inspired by" function or not?"

You should use the inspired by function if you are directly inspired by another fic. I have done this twice, and it is splendid. One of my besties and I have fics that are attached by this function. It's like they're holding hands via "inspired by" links :' )

If you read a fic, and at the end you're like, "Wow, this was totally radical, and now my gears are turning with an idea just like this one, but I'm gonna add my own spin to it." That would be a moment that calls for the "inspired by" function.

A situation that doesn't call for the inspired by function is two fics that are similar in trope, but the second one was not inspired by the first. For example; let's say person A writes a coffee shop AU fic, which is a very common trope, and person B also writes one, but without having ever read person A's fic, or without directly getting the idea directly from person A. Person B was not inspired by person A.

Let's say person B did read the fic, then also eventually decided to write a coffee shop AU that was completely different, and had very little in common with A's fic. That would not be a moment where the "inspired by" function would be necessary. B could use their own judgement to gauge how inspired they were by A's fic.

But, let's say person B really, really loved person A's fic, and wanted to show everyone another coffee shop AU. Person B very well could still use the "inspired by" function just to have the link. Or, they could just link the fic in their "Notes" section, but i personally think the inspired by function is a little easier than creating a "notes" link on ao3 LOL.

However, I have seen some people just list a fic they are inspired by in the notes section without any issues, but I encourage people to use the inspired by function. If you're unsure, maybe ask the author that you're inspired by if they care. If you ever don't use the "inspired by" function, and step on another writer's toes, just simply talk it out and credit.

"But, Mermaid, if I use the "inspired by" function, won't it look like my fic belongs to the original person?"

No?? I am including this because I've seen a surprising amount of people say this and it bugs me. If you use the "inspired by" function, it links the fic you were inspired by in the "notes" section in first chapter. That's it. It doesn't say, "this fic belongs to this other writer," lol. It says, "Inspired by (insert fic) by (insert author)," one single time. After that, it will not be listed in future chapters. Your name will always be on it, and it will only be listed on your account like usual.

To conclude, you should use the "inspired by" function if you are directly inspired by another person's fic. if you're not, then don't use it. Easy peasy. I encourage its use because it's very fun, it is part of fandom etiquette to use it when needed, it allows people to recommend fics similar to theirs, credit another person's idea they used, etc.

#inspired by #inspired by function #ao3 #using ao3 #ao3 writer #ao3 stuff #ao3 etiquette #archive of our own #fanfiction #fanfic #fanfic writer #fanfiction writer

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ryker-writes · 2 months

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to say that I'm obsessed with your broken siblings series is an understatement

i LOVE them it's just so comforting for some reason and i had an idea about one with epel, but then you posted the Leona one and i just need the no forgiveness ending

the pain my heart needs

but i'll still tell you my epel idea obviously

so imagine growing up with epel as your brother, always admiring him for his hard work and outgoing personality and that even tho he looks cute he can still beat ass

but then you get to nrc and he changes, and doesn't spend as much as with you as you guys used to, imagine vil separating you bcz you're not a good example for epel (+bonus points if reader is part of savannaclaw and epel gets bitter bcz they were always the fragile sibling and yet he was the one in pomefiore)

i don't imagine this relationship as angsty as the others, i can imagine epel getting over his jealousy pretty fast if it meant hanging out with them rather than listening to vil

it's actually really hard for me to imagine epel being a bad brother to his siblings, i think he just wouldn't realize they're hurting bcz he's too busy with his own problems

finally had some motivation so here we are! I completely agree with you that Epel's probably isn't as angsty because Epel actually would be a good sibling lol, but for the sake of angst, I deliver

Request Rules and Masterlists

Broken Sibling relationships

Epel as a sibling (Broken relationship)

You and Epel used to be very close!

When you were younger, the two of you used to play together a lot

Being some of the only kids around the same age in Harveston, you two spent a lot of time together

But you two were very different...

Epel had always been stronger than you were. He would show you how to do a lot of work on the farm, and he never let anybody just walk over him

You admired him!

In a way, you looked up to him and wanted to be like him. While he was stubborn and fierce, you were more calm, and weaker than him

But that never stopped you two from being close and spending all your time together!

That was...until you went to Night Raven College

You both had been very exited to go to NRC

In fact, you two were practically attached to each other before the entrance ceremony

The magic mirror called his name, and told him "Pomefiore"

it was unexpected, but you were happy for him! He certainly was cute enough get into Pomefiore, and he had the spirit of tenacity. There was a part of you that was optimistic about getting into Pomefiore with him

But then the mirror called your name, and said "Savannaclaw"

You felt your stomach drop at the word. Savanaclaw was known to be a very athletic dorm and filled with stubborn and tough people, so why were you put there?? It seemed like a dorm much better fit for Epel, not you

Had the magic mirror somehow gotten the two of you confused? Shouldn't it have put Epel in Savannaclaw? But the magic mirror doesn't make mistakes with this kind of thing

Savannaclaw was very overwhelming for you. Without your brother by your side, it was very tense. Everyone there was much different from you, and it was hard to feel like you belonged there with all of them

At least you could still spend time with your brother outside of dorms, right?

Wrong.

Anytime you went to Pomefiore, you were turned away by some Pomefiore student

"You're too much of a distraction."

"We don't need any Savannaclaw brutes here."

"You'll taint his beauty."

"Epel has more important things to worry about."

"Can't you just take a hint? We don't want you here."

Each and every time, you were told you weren't wanted there, and that you shouldn't be around Epel

While originally you kept trying, it got pretty disheartening after a bit to hear repeatedly that your brother didn't need you there or that you weren't welcome near him

When you kept trying, you were eventually met with the housewarden himself, Vil Schoenheit

"You clearly can't take a hint, can you? You are not welcome in Pomefiore. You would be nothing but a bad influence on Epel, and I will not stand for Pomefiore's reputation to be tarnished by you."

His tone left no room for arguments, and he left immediately after

It really started to feel like Epel himself didn't want you there at this point, and it hurt you

Eventually, you stopped trying. They made it clear you had no place in Pomefiore, and you would forever be part of Savannaclaw

It felt hopeless

You had once been so close to your brother, but now, you can't even talk to him

It's as if the two of you were in entirely different worlds now

#twst #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst epel #epel felmier #epel x reader #epel felmier x reader

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golbrocklovely · 9 months

Text

dating colby headcannon

requested by anonymous: Could you possible write a dating Colby headcannon with the reader? Thank uuu

A/N: even tho i'm not taking requests, i figured i can do this real quick since it's a headcannon and i'm in the middle of finishing up the next chapter of the chosen daughter. so hopefully this holds yall over a bit longer while i finish that up :) and this is all gender neutral so anyone can read it ! lmk what you think and hope you enjoy.

let's start with how you two met: i think you being a friend of a friend would be how it all starts.

maybe this friend in common gets invited to a party that snc are at, and you tag along. you get introduced to colby, and yall hit it off.

colby is very much into vibes and how well he meshes with another person. so for him to be interested, he has to like being around you. that man does not waste his time around people he doesn't care about.

and i think with colby, things would start off PAINSTAKINGLY SLOW. if you're into a slow burn… that's what your life will be like lol

colby hasn't dated in a long time, it's been almost exclusively hook ups and situationships. so i think the beginning stages will be a bit rough (in more ways than one *wink wink nudge nudge*). i think it would take a long time before anything major happened, just because he's not used to being vulnerable with someone.

that being said, i can see him hooking up with you once or twice before anything serious even remotely starts, since that's his usual go-to method. that doesn't have to be all the way - it could be like making out in the club or in a house party bathroom. a little hidden, a bit secretive, but that makes it all the more fun. it's exciting because he makes you feel like you are the sun in his galaxy, even if it's just for a few minutes. that's how intense he can be.

and maybe you realize, "oh shit i got feelings for him…. will this ever turn into something more?" and that's when you start hanging out with him more, or at least making plans to.

and i think as time goes on, he grows attached to you (because he is a clingy person, respectfully). and he enjoys the parts of his day when he gets to see you. and that's when he starts to feel the sparks. but knowing him, he probably won't act on them for a while.

but slowly, you two get really close, and eventually try to start something. once he can feel his walls crumble, and yours are also down, that's when yall truly start to have a wonderful relationship.

so as for dating him, what do i think that would be like?

colby is very busy guy, no surprising to anyone. so it's hard for yall to hang out as often as you want to (which would be like everyday if you could, and same goes for him).

but colby finds ways of seeing you or talking to you at least once a day.

even if it's just to check in on you, or ask you about your day. colby also likes to tell you about the stuff he was up to, give you little heads up on new projects before anyone else. but only when he knows they're happening bc he doesn't like talking about things that might not happen. very earth sign of him lol

i don't see him sending 'good morning' messages, but i could see him sending 'goodnight' ones. definitely with a black heart emoji somewhere thrown in there.

oooh, pet names. i'm seeing him using baby, babe, darling, sweetheart, love, and possibly honey. especially when he's drunk, he's extra affectionate.

when he goes on investigations, he comes back and HAS to tell you everything. he also loves being around you after because you make him feel so comfortable and at home. and he needs that after being paranormally hungover.

if you go with him on trips… omg, he will be protective. for sure. checking in on how you're feeling every couple minutes.

and if you get really scared, he's ready to send you home. he doesn't want to see you hurt or terrified at all. so sometimes he isn't the most favorable towards you going with him (unless you insist).

yall's biggest past time together: cuddling.

that man needs cuddles, AT LEAST, once a day. otherwise, he will be whiny lol (he might not show it at first, but once he's comfortable, he's gonna be a baby about cuddles, guarantee).

he needs to be touching you at all times, whether out in public or not. he doesn't seem like a crazy PDA type, so nothing too ~sexual~, but he will be holding your hand every chance he gets.

unless, of course, he's feeling a bit frisky… then you run the chance of having to go home early or finding a private area to have your fun sksks

i see him being the type to wrap his arms around you from behind, pulling you tight against him. especially if you're waiting in like a long line or something. he just wants you in his arms whenever he can.

like i mentioned before, he is a very busy man. so i see him doing a lot of at home dates. making pizzas together (or just dinners in general), setting up little pillow forts for movie nights, cute vibes all around. omg and of course - LOTS of camping outside and staring at the stars and talking for hours. that's 1000% for sure.

and maybe if you're the type that likes hiking, maybe you guys would go hiking together.

but i do see him also taking you out to exclusive clubs, bars, and restaurants since he has the hookup and the following to get into places that are new.

emotionally, i think you two would be so deeply into each other. i think being understanding and just getting one another is something major he wants in a relationship. so i think always being open and honest would be the main center point of your relationship.

he wants no drama, and wants love to come easy. and most likely you feel the same way, which is why you guys mesh well together.

physically… i mean, cmon. look at the material lol

he's definitely wants to make sure your needs are met. he's a people pleaser after all. and if you're his person, he's making sure you're pleased.

he's a very giving lover, is all i'm gonna say ;)

#colby brock #colby brock x reader #colby brock headcannon #colby brock fic #colby brock fluff #what you seek

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pulsingvoid · 11 months

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i'll literally never be convinced crystal/kristen was not a figment of misty's imagination, a friend she invented for herself that the others played along with because at least misty was occupied. i know she reads so fake to me just because she was poorly integrated into the rest of the wilderness plot (as in - not at all lol), she's a half-assed attempt at giving context to misty's anxious attachment style, which was almost immediately undermined anyway by her deciding to like walter. crystal/kristen never appears until misty is socially iced out for accidentally poisoning the soup and suddenly there's a second incredibly annoying theatre kid everyone wishes would go away? that dresses in misty's exact color palette? and they've been on the same team this whole time while misty was so ostracized and lonely? nobody even wanted to look for her when she "vanished"! the wilderness even magicked away her body so they'd have to hunt each other! crystal isn't even her name. i'm sorry, but she's about as real as akilah's mouse.

not being able to suspend my disbelief long enough to accept this subplot as real cheapened it a lot for me as it happened, but i have since decided her not being real could be plausibly-canon, and suddenly it's so compelling. misty invented herself the perfect friend that accepted everything about her and daydreamed little playdates and slumber parties, and even so, when she confessed to destroying the black box, her daydream turned on her. misty's own (quite vivid) imagination couldn't stretch enough to allow her a friend who accepted her wholly. she plays out what would happen if she told her closest friend this dark, fucked up secret, and it ends bloody. she convinces herself she'll never be fully accepted and loved, and ultimately it doesn't matter if crystal/kristen was real or not. i'm honestly fine with this theory never being confirmed (again, i don't think they intended it this way, crystal's place in the story was just criminally unearned and underwritten), but i'm much more compelled by a version of events where misty is so lonely and confused and guilt-ridden that her mind (or, if you'd like, the wilderness) gives her the kind of friend she was unlikely to find even under better conditions, and there's still betrayal and death at the end of it. misty's adolescent brain is already self-aware enough to know her hands will be bloodstained and unholdable for the rest of her life.

#having an imaginary friend that you end up killing on the shit cliff is just much more misty quigley to me than whatever s2 was #if it were ME i'd have used the sensory deprivation tank to hint at this but the writers were already mentally checked out by then #no hate on crystal and her actress she did great she was just never her own character to a degree so absurd #that even if shes real shes not real. like canonically. she vanished into the snow. shes a metaphor #misty quigley #yellowjackets #misty x crystal

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vengeful-velvette · 3 months

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Hey stranger!

So a couple of days ago you asked what my list would be for least to most brattiest hazbin characters would look like, and i’m incredibly curious as to what your list would be!

This concept is really fun to me omg I really want your opinion on this 🤔

Hey random stranger who I have never met before! Fancy seeing you in my little ask box.

Here are my own thoughts regarding the tier list, also ranked from least to most to build tension:

---------

- Charlie: I'm glad we both agree that Charlie is at the bottom of this list lol. She's just too sweet! I feel like she doesn't even think to brat either, like she thinks "we're both enjoying this, why would I tell you to stop or not listen to you when I want to?"

I also feel like Charlie really enjoys sweet sex, like she just doesn't understand how someone can enjoy being called derogatory names during sex. She probably also says "I love you" during sex and wants to hold your hand.

At the absolute worst, she'll get embarrassed (especially when you two are first dating) and put her hands over face to hide from your sweet words.

Though, I do think that she has a hidden animalistic side to her (did you see in in the finale? 😳 I'm a dom, but oh, that got to me), that I bet that even she's unaware of. I imagine that she finds this out about herself when you two are play fighting in bed and wrestling each other around. You're able to pin her to bed and as you tease her; "Not so powerful now, are you princess?" She can't help her eyes from going red as she snarls at you.

Which of course shatters all playful energy as you reinsure her that you weren't scared - you actually found it really hot. (Also, fun fact, but as much as I go crazy about Velvette, Charlie is actually my favorite Hazbin character. Idk, she's just so cheerful, hopeful, apologetic, and nice in a show filled with loveable assholes that I couldn't help but get attached. I love her, she's my baby girl.)

- Sir Pentious: I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't see him as the least bratty character ever, lol. He's just so precious! I imagine him as being extremely shy in bed and extremely reactive. Even the most chaste kiss can embarrass him.

I also think he isn't used to hearing compliments since he's visually very more animal-like than most sinners, so some people are little put off by his appearance. So hearing you call him your "pretty boy" and "darling snake" has him flushing and squirming.

I also doubt that he could handle any mean words. It just absolutely kills his confidence. Though I do think he will find some embarrassing enjoyment in being teased, I think that it could never cross into actual mean words. He absolutely loves to please, though, and it's honestly really cute seeing him try to pleasure you even though he doesn't really know how to. What he lacks in skill, he definitely makes up in enthusiasm, though.

- Vaggie: Man, three in a roll that's exactly the same, lol. But I totally agree with you, I don't think Vaggie is much of a brat. I think she also doesn't like not pleasuring her partner (because my girl has self worth issues), so I feel like if you told her to lie down and relax while you pleasure her, it wouldn't take long before she's trying to touch you and get you off too.

That's really the only way I can see her "bratting", and I bet that after awhile with you proving to her that you want to please her, that it brings you pleasure, she eventually relaxes.

- Lucifer: I know you put him up higher, but to me, Luci would never not crumble immediately in bed. This man has a praise kink a mile long and loves to hear you call him your "good boy". Though, there's a reason he's placed here and not all the way at the bottom.

While I do think that the first few times (or, more accurately, first 50 times) he's a blushing mess who crumbles immediately, I feel like after a while he starts to gain some self confidence (and internalized the idea that he wouldn't fuck everything up with you if he messes anything up), he feels a lot more comfortable teasing you back and bratting.

I still think it's laughably easy to get him to crumble, but an attempt is still made!

- Rosie: I know you said you didn't know where to put Roise, but I do! Gosh, I love Roise so much. Every single one of her lines is my favorite. I ultimately find her to be a rather sweet character, hence why she's pretty low on the list, but I still think she has a bite to her that can make her seem brat adjacent.

Like, if you're up for it, she will totally bite you until you don't have a single unmarked bit of flesh.

- Cherri Bomb: Now we're getting into "slightly a brat but can turn it down" territory. I definitely think that Cherri has some spark in her, but I also think that it wouldn't take much to flip her over and make her show her stomach. She's kinda explosive in that way, in the sense that she's hot and quick in the beginning, a bit very quickly flizzes out.

I also think that she's not really used to pleasure? It's implied in the Addict music video that she used to have a lover, but based on her facial expressions, I don't think she really likes him all that much? Or it's complicated, at least. But judging purely by his looks and the fact the two still aren't together, I'm assuming that he wasn't that great of a partner and Cherri isn't used to getting more pleasure than she gives.

- Husk: I think he's actually a bit of a brat. You've seen him bristle whenever someone pets him in the show, I think he's kinda predisposed to ruffling up when you call him your "pretty little kitty" or pet him (even though he really likes being your pretty little kitty). I feel like he's prone to get embarrassed very easily, and this means he can be quite bratty when you lay on the compliments a little thick.

I do think that Husk would get a little off on the humiliation aspect, but it takes him a bit to really accept this fact about himself that bratting to you is easier.

I agree that he's probably used to pleasing his partner during sex, so that probably adds to his brat score as he tries to wrestle control away from you to make you feel good, too. Though, after a while, I think Husk realizes that he feels truly comfortable with you taking care of him (while calling him your pretty kitty) and won't brat as much.

- Alastor: since Alastor is canonical asexual, and I like to include this fact, I don't think he gets the same out of sex as non-asexual characters do. What I mean by this is that he isn't so interested in the physical sexual experience, but how sex can lead to many situations he isn't familiar with. I do think he finds those situations entertaining and thus finds enjoyment in them.

For example, in @/prince-liest fic Station 66.6, Now Playing: The Irreversible Ruination of Your Self-Respect (that I think everyone should read, really it's so good), introduced me to the concept of Alastor really like prey/predator play because he has some deer instincts in him. I really, really, really love that idea!

I think Alastor likes experiences like that, ones he isn't accustomed to. Especially when he you mix that with sex, something he usually has no interest in, but adds a neat layer to the whole thing.

Because of this, I also think he's somewhat of a brat. Mainly, he really wants to see what you will do to him if he says "no", will you force him? How will you force someone like him to do something he "doesn't" want to? I can see him as a sub who likes to make their dom work to get their submission, as it feeds into his massive ego.

- Velvette: she's so used to barking orders all day long that it can be hard to turn that aspect of her "off". So she can be quite bossy during sex. She doesn't really understand that you want to take it nice and slow tonight and will start demanding that you hurry it up as you eat her out.

She thinks she knows best, so she isn't shy in voicing her opinion when she thinks you're doing something too "slow" or "softly" or you're being a "tease". She absolutely hates being called a brat, too, and huffs and puffs and pouts when you call her one.

- Vox: I'm glad we can both agree that he's extremely bratty, lol. He definitely has this image in his head that he's some big shot dom, and probably doesn't even realize he's a sub until he meets you and you take him apart bit by bit. The only reason why I haven't placed him higher is because of how fast he crumbles when you have him underneath you. I wouldn't go into too much detail because I think you already nailed how Vox can turn into a dom, to a brat, to a squirming sub.

- Lute: I know you don't see her as a brat, but I definitely do. I see her as someone who can be pretty bossy in bed. I can also see her as someone who loves being "forced" into submission. She's a fighter! She wants to wrestle into you pin her to the bed and force your fingers into her cunt before shoving your fingers into her mouth to make her "taste her desperation".

I also thinks that she gets really embarrassed by sweet words, and thinks that you're just teasing her when you say she's your "adorable little angel", and thus isn't afraid to bite back at your words.

- Adam: I'm glad he's at the top of both of our lists lol. Yeah he's a terrible brat, and he doesn't really have the excuse of "wants to please you too" or "wants to be forced into submission" like other characters. He's just a brat! He wants all the pleasure for himself, and he wants it right now! I feel like the biggest struggle is actually getting him to try and please you. (Maybe you even have to lock him up in a cock cage to get him to behave - woah who said that?)

------------

Sorry, this is kinda half "tier rank of least to most bratty characters" and half "random smut headcanons I have". Also some of these characters got wayyyyy longer parts because I have!!! Lots of Thoughts!!! About them!!!

Anyway, I hope you like my tier list!!

#hazbin #hazbin hotel #hazbin smut #my post #my smut #oh shot i forgot Emily #i love Emily #she'll probably be around the Sir Pentious area

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azereus · 6 months

Note

König x reader x horangi hcs plspslpss 🥺💗💗💗

LOVE YOU POOKS

Cement eater requests characters I don't write for smh 😒 /j

Warnings: ooc? Maybe? No pronouns, only you ^^ also kinda long?? Had alot of ideas and wanted this to be at least okay lol-

Writing under the cut!!

Horangi! is a dogshit cook as he is a gambler. You and König cook - if you can't cook then just König does it

König! absolutely loves cooking for you and Horangi either way though. he adores seeing the two of you enjoy his cooking. It makes his heart happy

Both of them are very much touched-starved. I'm sorry. I don’t make the rules for dating them

Horangi! enjoys hugging you from behind any chance he gets. Treating you as his own personal charger - head in the crook of your neck and his arms around your waist and everything. Also can and will smother you when cuddling just by laying on top of you like a giant cat

König! is more tamer with how he shows his affection. Simple touches are enough for him - holding your hand is enough to satisfy him. It lets him know that you're still here with them. With him

Horangi! gets you any stuffed animals that you show the slightest interest in - even though he sometimes gets jealous if you show the plushies any affection

König! fucking hates them depending on how much affection you give those stuffed animals. He wouldn't consider himself a jealous person. But he, infact, is a jealous person

If he was a piece of crap then he'd throw them away. But he doesn't, because you, Horangi, or someone else spent money on those and you probably are attached to them already so- He'd be fighting a losing battle either way

Both of them write you and eachother letters- well, actually König writes poems and Horangi writes letters in how much he loves you and König so much. He's like a high-school girl when he writes them. Horangi picked it up from König after he saw him writing you something in german once

If you show interest in learning their language(s) or ask them directly to teach you, they'll teach you, happily even. Expect the pet names to increase tenfold afterwards

Cuddling with them is very helpful when it's cold. They're your personal heaters at this point because the amount of body heat they have is ridiculous

Normally cuddling with both of them is having König on one side and Horangi on the other with you in the middle. If it's just two of you, it's basically the same thing with one less person half of the time. The other half is with you laying on top of König or Horangi laying on you like a cat

Horangi! is 100% an affectionate biter. Can and will bite you and König's arm(s) and leave small indents that normally fade away afterwards - not even suggestive, he just likes biting his partners

König! shows his affection through making you something, mostly through cooking because, as mentioned before, he loves cooking for the both of you and always tries to make something new for the two of you to enjoy

Overall, you three are in a very healthy and happy relationship and if polyamorous marriage was legal, they'd marry you

#gn!reader #könig x reader #könig x reader x horangi #horangi x reader #call of duty x reader #cod x you #call of duty x you #call of duty x y/n #cod x reader #cod x y/n #.pencils n paper #.notes #.to the pit with ye!

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beautifulpersonpeach · 2 months

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A question I’ve had on my mind for a long time BPP: do you remember how Jungkook said the J on his ring finger stands for Jungkook? What do you think of that? He could’ve chosen not to answer that question but he answered it and said it means Jungkook. I’m as strong a jikooker as anyone but it made me wonder about the JM theory. Sorry if this is not in line with your blog themes, it’s OK if you ignore this ask, I just love your perspective on things and wanted to know what you think. Thanks BPP.

***

Hi Anon,

I'm pretty sure my opinion about this is unpopular lol, both with jikookers who think Jungkook didn't mean it when he said so, and with non-shippers who can't stand any sort of shipping theorizing about his tattoos.

But, yes I think Jungkook is telling the truth when he says the J on his ring finger stands for his name. It’s possible he's telling a small fib to downplay his attachment to Jimin - it wouldn’t be the first time he’s told a verified white lie to protect jikook’s honour, as it were, so yeah it’s possible that he lied. But I'm choosing to believe he's saying the truth when he says the J stands for his name. That is, as far as we can tell, the truth.

Something that is also true is Jimin calling himself ARMY. Jimin has referred to himself as ARMY several times over the years, in situations that make no sense and that get eyebrow raises from all the members.... except Jungkook. Which leads me to think it's something of an inside joke between jikook - that much is clear, but I also think it's something more than that. What that is exactly, I don't know, but here's my gut feeling about it:

Jungkook has said the person he connects most with on stage, when they are performing in front of ARMY, is Jimin. For all the members, performing on stage is their reason to live, but this is most explicitly said by Jimin and Jungkook. Some of their most heightened emotional experiences, have been on stage and/or tied to their performances. Whether it's Jimin breaking down during Rosebowl and Jungkook screaming that he loves ARMY and loves him; or Jimin crying during his performance of The Truth Untold and Jungkook moving to support him; or jikook changing the lyrics at the end of their performance of the same song and turning to look at each other as the lights dim; or a teenage Jungkook stopping in the middle of a performance to stare at an injured Jimin during their Red Bullet tour - the other members moving around them wondering why they are locked in a stare-down in the middle of the show; or how Jungkook broke down in tears during the last LY concert and turned to Jimin for comfort who then used his sweater paws to wipe Jungkook's tears...

Jikook have been doing this for years. Consistently. There's a peculiar chemistry they show only when they are on stage together in front of ARMY that frankly doesn't feel at all like the fanservice I'm used to seeing from idols. It's as though they lose certain inhibitions when they are in this heightened emotional state when performing. They connect on a level I can't fully explain to be honest, but I think it's a connection they both recognize and perceive that the presence of ARMY is one way to facilitate it.

Basically, at the intersection of Jungkook and ARMY, lies Jimin. Without Jimin convincing him during pre-debut to stay with BTS when he wanted to quit to become a dancer, Jungkook wouldn't even be in BTS. That's just one example. I don't doubt Jungkook is telling the truth when he says the 'J' stands for his name, but I think the placement of the 'J' is also intentional, and that he intentionally placed it above the 'M' in ARMY knowing that it spells out Jimin's initials. Because I think for Jungkook, he feels that the person he is, the Jungkook that's matured into a global superstar honed by hundreds of performances in front of ARMY, won't exist without Jimin.

Like I keep saying, what exactly jikook's relationship is, I have no idea. But there's something about them that's peculiar. It's wholesome and beautiful and perplexing and simple.

#jikook #jimin #jungkook

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factual-fantasy · 4 months

Text

25 asks again :0000 🎄🎄🎄

Never??? What part of my content ever suggested that I would ever draw anything like that??

The snowy forests they tend to camp in are actually the forests attached to Snowdin :0 They tend to end up there a lot <XD No ones found them out there before so they've deemed Snowdin forests a safe camping spot..

I'm not sure what you mean by a cliffhanger. My Octonauts stuff wasn't following a timeline or anything. I was just goofing around and drawing what ever I felt like.

If you're talking about the crab comic? I abandoned that comic on a cliff hanger because I didn't like how I wrote the comic and I didn't feel like re-writing it. :/ The Captain ends up totally fine in the end so its ok-

(Also thank you! :} )

Thank you! Merry Christmas to you too!! :DDDD 💖🎄💖

It kind'a depends.. what really exhausts him is making multiple mirrors back to back that all lead to different places. And how long he holds them open is also a factor..

Maybe a good guestimate is.. about 5? Maybe if he makes 5 mirrors in less than 3 days that would be enough to completely wipe him out. Maybe even knock him unconscious..

But its okay, the group usually is good at avoiding that scenario. Usually they jump into an AU and stay there for a few days before jumping into a new one. That way Jevil has time to rest and recover.

@couchwow

:DD Thank you! We wish the same to you as well! :}} 🎄💖🔥

Oh yeah, very protective I imagine XD He wouldn't put him down or let him out of his sight for even a second.

@ocinstituterep

I'd like to think he kept it and hung it on his bedroom wall yeah. But Knowing Peso and how much of a sweetheart he is.. I can totally see him giving it to Pinto for a keepsake/to show it off to his friends :}

Only when they're using their magic in someway yeah. :0 The more magic they're using/the more they're straining, the more visible their pupil becomes.

And it can extend to their emotions. The more mentally unstable/emotional/afraid the cat is.. the more cracked and deformed their pupil can become..

@bunny-coffee

Shellington got some angry cousins frfr XDDD

(Post in question)

Ehh.. not exactly.. that situation with that Papyrus ended up getting really dangerous, and really scary, really fast.. They end up fleeing that AU and leave that Papyrus behind.. :(

@fallingbones (post in question)

WWAAAHHAGDG THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! THAT MEANS A LOT TO MEEEEE!!😭😭💖💖💖😭

That's because I was gonna draw a comic revealing her new name but I never got around to it.. 💔

(Still keeping it a secret in case I change my mind lol-)

ACTUALLY! I had an idea that if Jevil rushes a mirror, he just has less control over it and will have no idea where the mirror will end up. And one time Jevil hastily made a mirror and when they jumped though.. they all got dumped into a river 😬 which is very bad for nearly everyone involved-

Seam's chains got caught on a branch and he got stuck while everyone else got swept down stream. He was able to just barely get his chains free and drag himself onto land.

Grillby doesn't die or anything, but boy is it incredibly painful. Thankfully he's able to scramble out of the water rather quickly and collapse on land..

Spamton has a phobia of water so by the time him and Jevil are able to get out he's breaking down from a panic attack :'(

Goner kid cant really swim but she was very lucky and was able to grab onto some branches and scramble out of the water.

Asgore wasn't really in any danger but he did struggle to get out of the water. He was eventually able to latch onto a branch as well and pull himself out.

The group recollected and probably camped out in the nearby forest for a few days to mentally and physically recover from that ordeal-

Upon Googling it, it appears to be a fangame about the yellow soul..? I also saw "Undertale yellow controversy" uh oh- I'm not sure what I think about it <XD

Although I've never played/seen a playthrough of Resident Evil.. this sounds right up my ally! XD

Also thank you! Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you as well! :DD 🎄🎉

XD Yes! I also have these two but they're not as cool/polished/original to me as the other 7 are-

@octonauts16

Ultimately my thoughts are, "It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be/could have been. 6 outa 10, would watch again and recommend to my friends 🎤🐻👍"

And as for a sequel? I'm not sure if they'll make one.. if they do, I kind'a hope it'll be about the second game and they'll up the horror a bit more this time 👀

@cupofmaplesyrup

waaa thank you!! :DD

I'm not sure.. I imagined Bibi likes the stuff I make, simply because I made it. I'm not sure what the rest of them would think.. :0

Although the 20k comic was a biggie. They all thought that project was cool XD

@beryl-shade

I did! It seemed fitting for him. Also it helps visually distinguish him from Glamrock Freddy :00

XD She has that effect on people

When the when When?

@love-is-the-multiverse

That's just how I draw skeletons that don't look really creepy :( 💔

#my response #fnaf security breach #fnaf movie #undertale #deltarune #factual fam #seam and jevil #seam deltarune #jevil #bibi

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allisonlol · 2 years

Note

nsfw hcs for dark era dazai vs. current dazai?? 🤭🤭

a/n: oh man, coming back from my hiatus with this banger?! love this req sm...dazai's character development but only in the sexual aspect?? yessir. this ended up so long tho

warnings: nsfw (duh), pretty explicit descriptions of sex, some dubcon, second section is def more soft than the first, dazai being dazai (his name is the only warning y'all need tbh).

Comparing Dark Era Dazai vs. Current Dazai: NSFW HC's

Dark Era

where do i even start with this one lol

probably not as active as most ppl think he would've been at that time

in favor of hookups rather than looking for a committed relationship

^you gonna look me in the eyes and say dazai had plans for ANY kind of relationship back when he was in the mafia?? yea didn't think so

(not that current dazai really has that capacity either but...i'll get to that in time)

anyway, as i was saying: dark era dazai probably had like two or three hookups a month max?? just didn't have the time for much more than that tbh

compensates for this by being freaky asf tho

you name it, he's probably into it. knife, blood, gun play...

^nothing gets him going quite like holding a loaded gun to your head while railing ur shit

and he's just that level of psychopathic where you honestly can't fully trust him to not pull the trigger

enjoys this theme in reverse too; where you hold the gun to his head instead

^makes you keep your finger on the trigger, enjoying watching you struggle to not accidentally press down on it during your climax (if anything, he probably encourages you to)

big fan of tying you up or restraining you in some way: ropes, handcuffs, etc

having you at his mercy is a MUST. sorry but you won't catch him subbing anytime soon 🤷🏻‍♀️

looks for excuses to punish you. oh, you arrived two minutes later than the time he told you to meet him at? yea, you're getting spanked until you cry for that 👋🏻💥

the concept of a safe word doesn't really appeal to him at this time so, good luck with that (don't hate on me for this one y'all, the guy is a mafia executive)

^i feel like i have to elaborate on this so: dude’s not a total menace, if you were repeatedly & genuinely asking him to stop he would

faux sympathy king. looks down at you with fake concern as you sob

"oh, i'm sorry...does that hurt??" he's not sorry

not very vocal besides when he's degrading you

prefers to take you from behind so he can avoid your gaze (no emotional attachment at all here)

only likes eye contact when you're giving him head. the way your eyes tear up as he pushes your head down on his length does something to him

Current

can i just say that this post is turning out a lot longer than i had planned...this is months' worth of thoughts that have been floating around in my mind

anyway

ADA dazai is a near 180 from mafia dazai

while he definitely still has issues when it comes to emotional attachment, i can see him being much more open to having a relationship (if you disagree, just humor me for the sake of this post)

contrary to popular opinion, i think dazai wouldn't participate in hookups that much (at least not as often as he used to)

^only frequently sexually active after obtaining you as his s/o tbh

still as talented in the bedroom as he used to be, tho 💫💫

much more tame with the kinks, doesn't see the appeal of gun/knife play anymore

primarily because he wouldn't want to hurt you in any way, so the thought of holding a weapon to you is in no way pleasurable

a lot softer and emotionally in tune with you in general

favors positions like missionary & mating press; he HAS to see your face

very touchy as well. always running his hands up your sides, cradling your face, holding your hands etc...

also big on eye contact now!!

still has a thing for seeing you cry, but only from pleasure, not pain

^either overstims or edges the fuck out of you to achieve this

prefers to give rather than receive. has spent (literal) hours with his head between ur legs

fav spot to kiss you is ur thighs and neck btw 💳💥💳💥💥💳💥

doesn't care about dynamics as much. fine with subbing or domming (has a tendency to dom tho; likes the control it gives him)

still likes to restrain you, but only with his strength rather than things like ropes

^detecting a size kink with the way he loves to pin you down..? 🤨🔎

very vocal. has the prettiest moans too?? a mixture of low groans that build into whiny, uneven breaths when he's close

taglist: @deadmitochondria @miycutie @chuuyasboots @shy-socially-awkward-intovert @beandaifuku @sonder-paradise @irethepotato @serenareiss

#bsd x reader #bsd x y/n #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs #bsd x you #dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai fluff #dazai x y/n #dazai hcs #dazai smut #bsd scenarios #bsd smut #dazai imagines #dazai headcanons #chuuya hcs #chuuya x reader #dark era dazai #bsd imagines

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h2llish · 3 months

Text

【╰ヾ❝ FROM ME TO YOU ✧„

ROOK HUNT ─── where ink will say what they couldn't ☆ a little bit of angst, gender neutral, reader is gone but it's not specified whether they went home or died so interpret that how you wish, lowercase intended, talks about sad grim as well lol (sobs)

the old dorm felt almost empty, lifeless. the ghosts didn't bother to greet anyone who entered, their love for pranks and scaring seeming to have vanished overnight. no one has seen the dire beast that was attached to their hip in so long, some believing him to have joined his second half wherever they were now. and when asking the first years who made it a regular occurrence to visit the dorm before and after class since they've gone, the group would only look off and shrug, never giving a verbal answer.

but one student knew where the beast could be found; curled up in the middle of the bed they once slept in, hugging a glove that undoubtedly belonged to them. he knew that grim was like a depressed cat, one who curled up beside their most trusted person when they found themselves on their deathbed, but grim had no person to curl up to. he knew grim was the last to see them, the last they said goodbye too. he knew grim was heartbroken (and he was too).

it's why it was such a surprise when he found the dire beast waiting outside the dorm with the ghosts floating sadly beside him.

when grim seen him, the monster held out a letter that had his name written in the prefect's handwriting and said, "it was the last thing they gave me. i didn' wanna give it to ya 'cause it smelled like them."

and when he took it from grim, the monster turned away and entered the dorm again, tail dragging behind him and his ears pinned against his head.

and when he opened the letter, the sight of their handwriting was enough to make him sick. and the contents of the letter made him ache.

dear rook hunt,

okay, how do i say this? i like you i don't think i'll ever give this to you. i'm too much of a coward. i mean, i'm writing this instead of telling you face-to-face. but you'd probably like to get a confession letter like this from someone you liked is it me wouldn't you? so in a way, i'm not that much of a coward as i write this! i'm still a coward i just realized i say random shit ramble even when i'm writing. the more you know, right?

okay, no, this is not why i'm writing this. but i don't know how to make this seem worth reading. not that i'll ever give this to you i'll just write? and hope it makes sense.

rook, i think you're amazing. i mean, you're wonderful. i don't know how to explain it in a way that doesn't seem like i'm just saying this. but you are.

you're really odd, but i like that about you. i know that whenever i need you, you'll be there, and i hope you know it's the same for me. i want to be there for you. for everything. for the times you visit another fan meet for neige, or when we meet up after classes. and during the good days and the bad. i want to know everything about you, all of you.

every time you compliment me, i get so flustered and i want to say all that back to you and more, but i always chicken out. told you i'm a coward i want to tell you how amazing you look every time i see you. do you know you always looks even more amazing every day? it's like every time i see you i notice something i didn't before. like that one time you wore black eyeliner instead of brown. did you run out of brown? it looked so nice, you should try more colors, not just brown. and did you know your eyes sometimes have a little bit of different colors when you're in the sun? i like when it turns a little grey. but i'll always like looking at your eyes regardless

i remember that one-time grim tore your glove because he was giving you a hard time. you tried to hide your hands. nobody else noticed but i did. are you shy about the scars on your hands? i seen them. they're beautiful rook, they tell stories. maybe one day you'll show me and tell me all about how you got them. do you trust me?

you probably don't see me the same way. you're way too good of a guy. and that's also why you'll probably never see this. fuck that sounds sad i'm sorry

i like you no that's not right ignore that.

i'm in love with you i'm not quite there to say i'm completely in love with you but i definitely don't just like you.

i'm falling in love with you, rook hunt.

and i'm sorry.

sincerely, the prefect [name]

so maybe i added some of my own headcannons in that letter.

anyways FUCK YEAH I WROTE SOMETHING >:D

do not repost, translate, copy or run my writing through an ai

#╰ ও ❝ angst #twisted wonderland #twst #x gender neutral reader #x male reader #twisted wonderland x male reader #twisted wonderland angst #twisted wonderland x gender neutral reader #twst x gender neutral reader #twst x male reader #twst angst #rook hunt #rook hunt x male reader #rook hunt x gender neutral reader

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bunabi · 5 months

Note

oh my god no, your point about zevran--first of all i ate it up, second i think you're right. my 1st playthrough of origins i ran as a male tabris that romanced zev and i need to do another playthrough because the vibes i always got about zevran that i could never quite put to words was that contrary to the common(?) fandom perception of zevran just being a very pretty and gentlemanly piece of meat, zev always struck me as much more nuanced and subtle LI than some of the other romance options who were more blatant in their feelings and thoughts and--yeah the big tell to me that something was off with Zev was also whenever he stopped speaking in a grandiose, expressive, or easygoing manner. You don't have to prompt him that much or be invasive after he's already decided to tell you something about himself; he'll talk for a while and he's descriptive. Even when other companions are being rather rude to him, Zev can do the verbal equivalent of a cartwheel easily and often. But he gets reticent with you after he's given you his earring and he's having a crisis about being in love with you and wanting to be your partner. And every time he caught wind of another companion liking you, he's gentlemanly but also quite straightforward and short when he says he'll get out of that companion's way if you want him to (but he doesn't want you to want that, he wants to be kept); aaaaand ... yeah, then he does what you pointed out with oghren. thinking of how Zev responds to you giving him those dalish gloves and what he says about his mom there (and in general how he behaves while you're in the forest doing the dalish questline) my best guess is that he's ... on paper he says he has no attachment to the dalish because he doesn't really think of himself as being one of them, but also he can't help but be sentimental and want some kind of attachment to something longer-lived and meaningful, like the dalish clans and their heritage/history? i can't remember what exactly Zev's thoughts were on alienages (though I imagine that would be a clue here) but my sense of Zev was always that for a dude who often seemed to believe himself a detached outsider, Zev also still identifies with his elf heritage & cares about elf issues--it's just that, you know, as a formality Zev still needs to take it from the top when prompted and explain how he's an amoral miscreant and murderer, that he's owned by the Crows and lacks individuality, you see he's technically neutral about everything because he's committed so many crimes dohow can he judge? Or something like that. I remember similar convos like what you're describing coming up between Zev and ... whatever the rock person's name was. Slate? Slade? Granite? Rock? SHALE. Yes, Shale. Because Shale always has odd questions. I'm sure Sten probably also has contributed to the mystery of Zev in some way but I can't recall off the top of my head lol.

Think you meant to send this to @zevsurana! I'm not the OP of that post! 😅

#honored to be mistaken for them though; their DA posts are fantastic #replies

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femaletwstsupremacy · 9 months

Note

Hello! I don't know if this is overly specific but could I request Malleus, Lilia, and Vil with a fem reader who is a very straight laced, formal, private type of person but beneath that mask cares immensely about the people around them and wants to protect them?

(No worries if not lol...I understand it's kind of hyperspecific.)

"𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙙."

✦ Content – Fem! twst, fluff, maybe some crack sprinkled in there? Throwing shade on Crowley, Reader is kind of a simp in Vil's part, A little suggestive (Lilia), mentions of gaslighting (Lilia spread her craziness to reader, hope they never recover🙏), general romance stuff, One/Oneself and You/Your are used to refer to reader, reader is a resident of Ramshackle.

Author's note: Hi anon, sorry this took a while to pump out. But it's here now so hooray! ♪(^∇^*) Not beta-read! Lilia might be ooc since I'm not used to writing her character-

MALLEUS DRACONIA...QUEEN OF BRIARS

You couldn't exactly keep your private life a secret from her since when you first met she was kinda already in it. As in, you're there outside Ramshackle busying yourself with a certain pastime when you suddenly get jumpscared by a woman – One that appeared out of thin air mind you – looking over your shoulder. Seemingly interested in what you were doing before she scared the daylights out of you. Obviously your first instinct is to try and elbow this random stranger behind you (key word: Try) which you failed miserably in because she had effortlessly dodged your blow.

Safe to say, your first meeting was awkward. It took about 5 mins for you two to stop staring at each other blankly as if you hadn't just tried to elbow her.

"If I may ask, who are you? Most importantly how did you even get here?"

"I was on a walk."

"That doesn't explain anything."

Eventually, you two get over the awkwardness. Obviously, Malleus doesn't divulge her name – Neither does she ask for yours. Calling you 'child of man' whilst you called her 'Tsunochojo' which earned you quite the chuckle from the fae. You two hit it off pretty well, what with your similar mannerisms it wasn't that unexpected. Malleus found conversations with you easy, with how interested you are every time she converses with you she needn't worry about being too 'boring' to talk to.

Eventually, Malleus finds herself coming back each night just to talk with you, though she doesn't have an inkling as to why. She just feels...a sort of attachment to you. As if the day she stops visiting you would instantly cut off the bond you two have created. Malleus' eyes widen as everything starts to click, are you two...perhaps friends..? Malleus instantly decides to confirm this with you come your next meeting.

It was very late into the night.

Though you've made it a point for yourself to have an optimal amount of time for sleep. However, a certain friend of yours decided that it was best to meet at the darkest of night. You sighed to yourself, The things you'd do for her...

No matter, no use mourning over past decisions. You thought wistfully.

You leaned back slightly on the palms of your hands, lightly raising your head to look at the bright moon overlooking from above. Crickets lightly chirped from around you, along with the sound of the soft rustling of leaves. You hummed a tune familiar to yourself as you closed your eyes to take in the relaxing atmosphere.

When you opened them, a small green firefly came into your peripheral vision. You reached out, trying to take it into your hand. But your efforts – although insignificant – are for naught as the firefly drifts farther away. Feeling slightly dejected, you placed your hand back into its former position. Just when you were about to close your eyes to enjoy the tranquil atmosphere once more, a melodious laugh suddenly enters your ears. With not even a hint of surprise, you turn to look from behind and face your surprise guest. There Malleus stood with her chin between her fingers, a broad smile on her lips.

"How long have you been standing there?" You asked curiously. In truth, she'd been here for a while. Watching you closely in the cover of darkness, not saying word until she saw your silly gesture and couldn't help the laugh that fell out.

"I've just arrived" She says, an obvious lie falling from her lips. Though, you don't mind all that much. You've already known that your friend is quite elusive, so you didn't pry. You lightly patted the spot next to you, inviting Malleus to take a seat.

Malleus obliges and sits down next to you. A wave a restlessness washes over Malleus, though she doesn't show it on her expression. The both of you stay silent for a while before Malleus spoke up, "Child of man..." She trails off, chewing her lip slightly in nervousness. You perk up at the sound of her voice, waiting for her to continue with an attentive ear.

"Are...are we friends?" She asks, reluctance in her tone whilst she turns her head away. Her question was greeted with a long pause. Malleus felt uncertainty gnawing at her insides, was she perhaps wrong to think she finally had a friend?

A light laugh takes Malleus out of her depressing thoughts, making Malleus turn her head back to look at you.

"Silly tsunochojo, what made you think we weren't friends?" You had on a soft smile on your face, your eyes filled with mirth. Malleus' eyes widened at this. This is the first time she had seen such an expression, her heart can't help but throb at the sight. Warmth spread through her body, she couldn't tell if the euphoria came from your smile or the fact that you confirmed that you were actual friends; Perhaps it was both.

But accompanying that feeling of euphoria was immense relief. All her worries and pessimism had all been for nothing and she is more than glad that is the case.

Seeing how silent Malleus had been your expression shifted to one of confusion. Noticing this, Malleus snapped out of her stupor and cleared her throat.

"It..." Malleus pauses, attempting to formulate a response. "It was just a silly thought of mine." She finishes, a fond smile on her face.

Truly, a silly thought indeed...

LILIA VANROUGE...SEEKER OF CRADLES

Scared you to death by coming down from the ceiling upside down and making an ungodly screech. Not the best first meeting, Malleus really takes after this cheeky fae in this aspect. Though she did apologize right after, it didn't really sound like she was sorry about it with the giggles she let out while doing so. How could she not? Your reaction was priceless! It might as well keep her laughing for days. Thus, you have sparked the interest of the cheeky fae.

Day after day, Lilia would suddenly pop out of nowhere to scare you. In her own words, your reactions just keeps getting even funnier! The way you look when you brace yourself for a scare and failing miserably to catch her beforehand, is very endearing to her. At this point, you've already given up on stopping her. Though her company wasn't that bad you think to yourself. Usually after scaring you, Lilia would come down from her spot and strike a conversation with you.

It was pleasant to say the least, her voice was calming and pleasant to the ear. Paired with her choice of words, you feel as if you're transported to another world when she tells you stories of the past in great detail. You would find yourself conversing with her for hours, only ending when need be. Likewise, Lilia finds her time with you very pleasant. Precious even, with how much fun she had. The way you speak is so cute to her! Reminds her of how Malleus is like.

Eventually, Lilia starts inviting you to Diasomnia to have tea with her. By now you've already opened up to Lilia and talked about yourself more rather than just general matters. Making the topics for your conversations more broader, not to say that you and Lilia couldn't find stuff to talk about. Anything and everything was on the table when it comes to her. From music, to poetry, and somehow frog anatomy??? You don't exactly remember how you've even made it to that topic. But as the months go by, you start to notice Lilia's strange behaviors. It happened one time when you were having tea with her. You were having a wonderful time when Lilia suddenly rose from her seat and walked over to your side of the table. Confused, you asked her what she was doing. And Lilia being Lilia, just chuckled and told you to sit still with no intention of telling you what's on her mind until she does it.

You jumped when you felt Lilia's hands card through your hair, not used to your hair being brushed through after so long. But eventually you relaxed and let Lilia do her thing. This went on for an hour before Lilia finally stopped her ministrations on your hair. At the time, you thought that would be the end of it. Oh, how wrong you were.

"Lilia...please.." You say helplessly, but your pleas fall on deaf ears as Lilia continues to coo at you while she plays with your hair. If in the past, you knew that letting Lilia play with your hair the first time would lead to this; You would have never let her do so. Since for the past few days you've visited, Lilia would – without fail – start to play with your hair and coo at you for hours on end.

This was one of those times. "Oh, you're so adorable beastie~" Lilia coos in your ear as she slowly drags the tip of her finger from your chin to your jawline. Oh, now this was new. You could feel your whole body shiver from the feeling of Lilia's breath on your ear. Your face starts to heat up as you close your eyes shut, "Lilia, please don't do that. It's not proper." You scold, though it doesn't sound all that much like a scolding with how small your voice was. Lilia just chuckles in response, clearly amused with your reaction.

Still with your eyes shut, you could feel Lilia playing with your hair again. With an occasional crafty hand brushing against your neck. But other than that, Lilia had done nothing more for the next few minutes.

The room had settled into a relative silence, only the click of Lilia's heels every time she shifted her footing could be heard every few seconds. However, unlike reality your mind was a cluttering mess. If one were able to listen in to your thoughts, they would only be able to make out the words: Lilia, embarrassing, and a multitude of curse words accompanied by screaming.

Just what happened there???

That one thought is the best way to summarize everything that was in your head. You had goosebumps just thinking about it, even worse was that it was a good type of goosebumps. You can't believe yourself for reacting the way you did. Perhaps it had been the potion you drank accidentally days ago...

Your woeful thoughts came to a halt when you no longer felt the light tugs on your hair from Lilia's brushing. Your eyes – which had stayed closed – flew open. You quickly raised your head to look around, but as you do so a sudden pair hands grab your face. You instantly felt your fight or flight instinct go up. Unfortunately, before you could even take a hit at your assailant, they had put your lips on yours!

Your eyes widened in shock, a feeling of shame settling in your gut. You screwed your eyes shut, adamant at not looking properly at the assailant who took your first (first!) kiss. After what felt like an eternity, they had finally pulled away from your lips. You gasped out embarrassingly when they had done so.

You weren't given the chance gather your thoughts properly when a familiar chuckle of amusement echoed on the walls, giving you another (unhealthy) dose of shock.

"Lilia!!???" You say incredulously, your voice a tad bit louder than you had intended. Lilia hummed, acknowledging your call. The best way to describe your positions at the moment would be 'face-to-face.' Since the cheeky fae was quite literally in your face, upside down too! You sighed out, almost forgetting the situation at hand; almost. But unfortunately, the memory and embarrassment was still fresh in your mind. Enough to make you disregard Lilia's awkward position.

You cleared your throat in an attempt to make yourself much more composed that you actually are and faced Lilia with a complicated expression, "What...what was that?" You asked, bewilderment and hesitance evident in your speech.

Lilia raised her eyebrows at you, though admittedly it looked a bit silly when she was upside down. "Wasn't it obvious beastie?" Lilia shot your question with another one of her own, you don't know whether to laugh or cry at that. Your mouth opened as if to answer her, but you close your mouth once more when you realize that you don't have the words for it.

The way you gaped like a fish out of water was enough to make Lilia chuckle fondly. "Don't laugh at me." You whine out, the color in your cheeks resurfacing once more.

You decide to let Lilia laugh it off until she can no longer let out a giggle. While she does that, you start thinking. Lilia can't be feeling what you think she feels, right? Right? But no matter how much you try to delude yourself, the fact is plain to see. Even someone as dense as Silver and Kalim combined could see it! You could keep trying to gaslight yourself but you'd be too far gone if you did that.

The urge to bury your face into your hands was strong. But since you had a one person audience (Lilia), you settled on not doing so. Instead you touched your lips delicately, tracing the whole of where Lilia had put her lips. The longer you touch your lips, the more stuffy your heart gets. Almost to the point it hurts. Your motions pause as you catch up to your thoughts, Ah...it seems that you share the same affection Lilia feels...

VIL SCHÖNHEIT...THE FAIREST QUEEN

Your meeting was entirely by chance. There was a research project for Magic History and you just so happened to get paired up with Vil. First impressions between you two were mild, with no particular dislikes about each other. You run over the details of the project with her and eventually decide to meet at the library at 5pm to work on it. By the time you had to meet up, Vil was pleasantly surprised. Not only did you not skip out on her but you arrived at 5pm on the dot. You really are punctual aren't you? Vil thought.

When both of you discussed the details earlier, Vil thought you only spoke that way because you were in class. But it turns out you normally spoke that way. In a sense, she appreciated it, much more pleasing to the ears than Leona's crass vocabulary. Thus, you two went to work. While doing so, Vil took the chance to examine your appearance more carefully. Your hair was tied back into a clean hairdo, thus making sure no stray hairs would accidentally get in your face. You had on the proper uniform, not one part of it missing or unbuttoned. Vil also took notice of the lack of creases on your uniform and gave her silent praise.

You two finished the project in one sitting with flying colors. Vil is more than grateful to you for that. As you went to pack up your things, Vil invited you to come to a small cafe on the island as a payment of your efforts of sorts. You put up quite the argument on how that isn't necessary but Vil still managed to make you succumb to her wishes. Tomorrow, at 3pm sharp. Is the words that Vil had departed with, a bright smile on her face. You can't help but feel a strange dread for what's about to come in the following day.

You made sure to look presentable on the day, you didn't have much fashionable wear packed with you since you expected to stay exclusively on campus. You sighed out, you never expected Vil to be so pushy. After checking over your outfit one last time, you departed from school grounds. Vil was already there with a table, waiting for your arrival. You walked over and was stunned into silence because of Vil's appearance. Don't get yourself wrong, you knew Vil was beautiful. But right now, she seemed even more dazzling. Vil slightly smiled once she caught sight of you and ushered you over to sit with her, all while you stared dumbly at her.

Once you finally came to your senses, shame enveloped your whole body. How could you just stare at her so shamelessly like that??? You sigh inwardly. No matter, it's not like you can turn back time anyway. You sat down with Vil, looking anywhere other than her due to embarrassment. Now that you were here, Vil ordered for you both. As you wait for your orders to arrive, Vil indulges in some small talk with you. How was your stay at night raven, what have you been doing today, any hobbies, etc. You answered all her questions amicably, giving her questions of your own from time to time. Minutes pass by and the waiter places your orders on the table with a well-practiced customer service smile. But even when your food was on the table, the conversation did not cease. Though, you both make sure to talk between bites and sips so neither party chokes.

Hours passed by seamlessly, you almost didn't realize it was getting late. You enjoyed your company far too much that it slipped your mind. And from Vil's expression, you could guess that the feeling was mutual. Before you two set off on your separate ways, Vil invited you to hang out again. And again, and again. Every time you cross paths it almost feels as if you'd both get closer by the second. Eventually, Vil decides that the next time you meet, it would be in her room.

You arrived at 1pm just as Vil told you, going through the mirror when you weren't from the dorm was...awkward to say the least. The awkwardness spiked by ten times when you made it to the other side.

Now, standing in front of the dorm's pristine gates makes one feel...extremely out of place. You sighed in self-pity, just how did you manage to end up in this situation...You hardened your heart. In the end, there was not much you could do since you were already here, so you took the chance to look at your surroundings. As expected, the dorm was massive. What was unexpected but expected was that the dorm looked like a queen's lofty castle. On one hand, it made sense. The dorm was based off the Fairest Queen, so naturally they would pay tribute by making the dorm like her residence. But on another hand, isn't this a dorm for students!? They might as well be royals to be living in there!

You looked around some more and came to a conclusion. Everything about Pomefiore's decor screamed extravagance at every turn. The fact that you're not even inside makes you more reluctant to go...

You're dragged out of your thoughts by a sudden enthusiastic voice from beside your ear. You yelped in surprise. Swiftly, you turned to see just who sneaked up on you.

"Bonjour! It's a pleasure to see you today mademoiselle." Your assailant exclaimed. She had on a wide smile, her eyes shaped like crescents. Whilst she said those words, she tipped her hat in greeting. From her looks, you could say that she greatly embodied the word, 'charming.' Her makeup was very well done, almost as if a professional had done it. And her voice was full and melodious. From her uniform, you can clearly tell she was from Pomefiore.

Well, her looks is certainly worthy of being a Pomefiore student. You praised inwardly. Seeing that you haven't responded yet, your assailant called out to you again in a confused tone, "Mademoiselle?" You let out a small 'ah' in response and instantly straightened yourself up. You cleared your throat in an attempt to regain your dignity and spoke up "I apologize for staying silent and screaming when you greeted me." Inwardly you thought, Technically she snuck up on me but it would be bad manners if I said that...

Your assailant brightened her expression once more, "Aucun problème! You must be Vil's guest I assume?" She inquired.

"Ah, yes. I am. Are you perhaps familiar with her?" You questioned.

"But why of course! I'm her Vice after all. Rook Hunt at your service.~" Your assailant, which you now know as Rook answered, taking her hat off her head and putting it to her chest whilst she introduced herself. Her upper body leaning forward in a bow. She continued, "Vil should be waiting for you inside, I'll escort you in."

You hum in acknowledgement as Rook stands up straight once more. She turns, reaching out to you with a beckoning hand. You oblige and follow her through the dorms gates.

As one expects, the inside is far more extravagant than the outside. Pomefiore is truly worthy of being the dorm of the Fairest Queen. The marble floors were so pristine that you could see your reflection. You worry that your shoes could perhaps sully the floor. You continue to walk on and follow Rook from behind, occasionally looking around to admire the interior. Eventually she stopped, signaling that you've arrived at your destination. Rook turned to you and extended her hand towards the front of a lavish door, beckoning you to knock. You do so, knocking on the door three times before taking a step back and waiting for it to open. A few seconds passed and eventually the door opened to reveal Vil.

Her hair was tied back in a braided bun, her bangs going over the intricate golden crown on her head. She had on her dorm uniform, her long sleeves making an elegant trail on her figure. Her makeup was impeccable as one would expect. Making her already beautiful face much more beautiful than before. You can't help but blush a little and stare at her awestruck. You're once again dragged out of your stupor when Vil greets you with a small smile, she moves aside from the door and invites you in. You bow your head slightly before coming in through the door.

Stepping into Vil's room could easily make one feel overwhelmed, You're no exception. You weren't given the chance to look around properly when Vil ushers you to sit by her vanity table.

Once you've sat down, Vil starts to roam around the room grabbing multiple bottles and hair appliances. When she felt that what she had was enough, she starts to line them up on the table at a quick pace. You try to read some the brand names from bottles Vil had already placed down and as expected, you don't know a single one. Not like that so called 'ever so gracious' Crowley even gave you the luxury having any branded item from this world, he's quite cheap despite being a headmaster of a revered school.

You continue to skim through the brands, making a face or two at some of the strange name choices. Some noteworthy ones would have to be 'Poison Apple' ' Sun Mane' 'Underworld Fire' etc. Even if in another world, companies will continue to be weird with their names.

The distinct sound of bottles being set down on the tables suddenly stopped, you averted your attention from the bottles and instead directed it to Vil. You look at her in slight curiosity, waiting to see her next move. Vil just smiles softly in response before sating your curiosity, "We'll be doing your hair this time around, I've noticed that your hair isn't all that well maintained." Vil says as she moves to stand behind your seat. The dorm leader takes a part of your hair and displays it through the mirror to further establish her point.

You smile sheepishly at her words. While you do make it a point to take care of your appearance, you don't exactly have the resources for it. The money you were provided with came solely from Crowley but it was only the bare minimum for survival. You say so to Vil and she visibly frowns at your explanation.

"I knew the headmaster was incompetent in some ways but this is just ridiculous." Vil says with viciousness in her tone, her lips twisting into one of a scowl as she starts to brush oils through your hair. "This is about the well-being of a student! How could she not provide the necessary resources!?" Vil continues on with her rant whilst brushing through your hair. You don't stop her from criticizing Crowley, letting her run her mouth however she liked. It's not like any of her words were false anyway.

You settled on closing your eyes and taking in the relaxing feeling of Vil's nails lightly scratching against your scalp as she applies more product into your hair. Noticing your relaxed state, Vil quieted down and started to work silently on your hair.

The muted sounds of bottles, curlers and straighteners clinking against the surface of the table and an occasional hum from Vil were the only things you heard in the past few minutes. The sounds only adding more to the relaxing atmosphere. You sigh out, you felt like shedding tears because of the service Vil is providing you after so long of having none of it.

Vil chuckles near your ear, startling you enough to open your eyes. "We're finished." Upon hearing her words, you shift your gaze to the mirror and you feel your breath leave you for a moment. You look stunning, more than you had ever been these past few months. The urge to cry came back stronger now, your eyes starting to get watery. You tearfully see Vil smile softly through the mirror. With her soft hands, she tucks a stray strand behind your ear and places her hands on your shoulders, looking at you through the mirror with undeniable affection.

"You look beautiful."

Made by @femaletwstsupremacy. Please do not copy, use, or steal my work.

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plainandgeneric · 3 months

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Hello there, I think your Godrick x Banished Knight AU is such a cool and enticing idea! I'd love to know more, like what shenanigans ensue and do they have a somewhat happy end - or at least, some happy moments? Just any kind of little headcanons :3

Aw thank you for your kind words!

They do engage in a lot of shenanigans! More below the cut.

This AU is pretty slice-of-life-esque. It covers their escape from the capital and then the almost year-long journey from the Altus Plateau to Limgrave. Even though the game map is already huge, I believe it's nowhere near the actual size of the Lands Between. So it took them a while to get out of the capital, and even longer to get far away from it.

Meanwhile, Godrick has to forgo all the comforts of living as a highborn in Leyndell and get used to roughing it in the wild haha (I do hc him as a picky eater lol). The Knight on the other hand is a little bit roguish. He's used to being hired by the militia and for other manual work, but he doesn't really know how to engage with courtly etiquette and the nobility.

Some HCs for my OC: Despite not being a knight anymore, he does retain certain knightly qualities such as loyalty (for his current employer). His name, past, and reason for banishment are something he no longer remembers, yet he carries a heavy sense of guilt for the things he imagines he had done.

As for a happy ending, I'm not too sure yet. Since Godrick really yearns to go back to Leyndell but that's highly unlikely. Maybe they do find happiness in Limgrave.

But there's definitely a lot of sweet moments between the two. Godrick can be a temperamental bastard sometimes, and the Knight humours him to his best ability. Their dynamic changes from employer & hired mercenary to lord & loyal knight. They eventually became quite reliant and attached to each other.

I do have a comic planned for a "knighting ceremony" where Godrick restores the title to the Knight. Tho I'm very slow at making comics so idk when it'll actually be made haha. Thank you for reading this very long post!!

#elden ring #godrick the grafted #banished knight #alternate universe #oc x canon

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fanficsforheartandsoul · 4 months

Text

Happy Ending | Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!Reader

Note: This has been ghosting around in my head for some time now because of the song "Wallpaper" by Megan Cromwell. I noticed that whenever I don't have the pressure of a request in the back of my head for a story it's much easier to write. That's why I wrote this rather easily and quickly. I just wanted to post something again lol. So yeah, have some good ol' super dramatic angst. I'll be more active again hopefully.

Fandom: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II (2022)

Warnings: Angst, Heartbreak, Unrequited Love, Mentions of NSFW Stuff, Trauma, Reader has some Issues

Summary: Ghost wants a happy ending but not with you.

Word Count: ~2k

If you want to be tagged in my stories send me a pm with the fandom/character name! Or comment on the fic :)

Masterlist

Call sign: Vigil

"We can't do this anymore."

You had known from the start that sleeping with him was a bad idea.

Generally, people advise you against sleeping with a co-worker. Because it makes things complicated. Even more complicated when you're both in the military.

Because technically you’re not allowed to fuck, your actions could be clouded by emotions, potentially risking not only your but the lives of your fellow operators as well. But that little clause in your contract was printed in that tiny font, and so you decided to ignore it.

It didn’t stop you from getting involved with your lieutenant. You were never a big fan of rules after all. Your rank as a sergeant after so many years of service in the military said enough about that.

But at the start, you truly believed that a physical relationship with him wouldn't cause trouble to you or anyone else.

You thought you had it under control. At least in the beginning.

Yes, you had been attracted to him since your first meeting when you had signed your contract with Taskforce 141. Mysterious men were your thing, and he embodied such a man with his skull mask.

So yeah, you did allow yourself to daydream about him, and have some dirty thoughts every once in a while. It wasn’t like you were the only one.

You were attracted to him and you knew he was attracted to you. It was mutual and actually pretty obvious.

You could feel his searing gaze on you just a few days after you had joined the taskforce; the way his eyes trailed up and down your body. The looks he gave you were charged with want.

But attraction doesn't necessarily lead to a romantic relationship, right?

He was a good-looking man in your opinion; tall, rugged, buff, with muscles and fat in the right places, just the way you liked it.

His face couldn't be considered conveniently attractive yet that made it so much better for you. The arch in his brows, the dark eyebags, the scars on his cheeks, his cheekbones. He was your type. And his rough appearance fuelled the fire in your lower stomach and your imagination.

What was the harm in joining him in the sheets and having a bit of fun? It wasn't like you loved him.

That’s what you had asked yourself.

It was much better to get rid of your pent-up frustration with him instead of a toy or a rare one-night stand when you were off-duty. And damn, was he good in bed.

Rough, fast-paced, keen to try out every possible position, and not shy of pleasing you. You could've expected it. He was a man who wasn't afraid to get down and dirty. Dirt, blood, sweat, and other fluids... It didn't matter.

Short summary: It was pure ecstasy every time.

You two had lots of fun together in lots of different positions and locations, and that was all it was. Just some fun.

No strings attached, as you both declared at the start. Just fuckbuddies.

"I'm not a relationship kind of guy, Y/N" he had told you after you had spent your first time together.

You had snorted because shit, you weren't either. Both of you were too broken and bruised by the baggage of your pasts. Your traumas would probably weigh you both down in the long run. So you were fine with the line he had drawn between you.

It was okay. No emotions, no obligations, no lovey-dovey shit, just a means to an end.

Just a meeting in your room after a mission, a phone call on your days off, then a quick meet-up in a hotel. Just pleasure. Not love.

Until it wasn't just that anymore.

You two had settled into a routine where he would join you in your room late every other night.

After you had pleasured each other enough, he would leave soon after, and somehow - with time, you began to miss the warmth next to you on your bed.

The feeling came slowly creeping, and it took you by surprise.

You never asked him to stay; you didn't dare cross the line. To ask for a bit more affection. But you wished.

That he held you just a bit closer during the act. That he remained next to you just for a few more minutes after it. That he kissed your scars, your lips. That he touched you as if you were something, someone precious to him. Someone important.

Sure, you liked it when he treated you like an unbreakable object when his grip left bruises on your body - in a way, they satisfied your need for more. They marked you as his. But just for once, you wanted to be treasured by him. To feel that you meant something more to him.

You didn't know when your feelings for him had turned into a fluttering mess in your chest. He wasn't just a means to an end anymore. You valued him. Not just as a soldier who had your back. Not just as a friend. But as a man, a partner. A man you wanted close to you. For the rest of your life. No matter how long that would be.

Because Simon had done something no one else had been able to do before.

He made you wish. For a future. A future with him.

He made you wish to be better, to be a little less broken. To pick up the pieces that had once made you whole. You wanted to be better. A better version of yourself. For him. To have a chance to be truly happy. To get that fairy tale life others dream about – you once had dreamed about when you were younger, your shoulders lighter.

His attention made you excel, it made you stronger, faster, harder. You were just better when he was around. A better soldier, a better woman, a happier person.

And you thought, no, believed that he understood that. That he helped you to be better. That you needed him. Not just in your bed, but by your side. As your other half.

You both were people of few words, so you thought that through your actions, your eagerness during missions, and your gentle touches during your time together, you conveyed all these feelings. That he got it, saw how you felt about him.

But you never spelled it out. Never said; I've come to love you.

Just let these feelings simmer under your heart, hoping that one day he'd get what you felt for him.

"We can't do this anymore, Vigil."

You'd love to say that it came as a surprise when he, one day, called you to meet up and told you these words.

But you knew subconsciously. Felt it. Long before he actually said the words, they were coming.

His calls had been less frequent, his visits rarer, and to your confusion, his eyes began to look different whenever you saw him. They looked clearer, and happier.

Only after you saw him at the party after your successful operation in Chicago did you understand. He did look happier.

But not because of you.

And only then did you realize that your brain had played a trick on you. You were so consumed by your feelings for him that you didn't realize how big the rift between you two had gotten.

He laughed.

Simon Riley laughed heartily for the first time since you knew him. Not just one of his usual chuckles that he reserved for your or Soap's jokes.

No, true deep laughter that came from deep within his chest.

And all because of a joke that the woman next to him had told him.

You didn't know her; you had never even seen her face before. She was a complete stranger to you, and yet Ghost rested a hand on her hip as if she belonged to him. As if she was his fucking girlfriend.

Soap looked at you, then who you were staring at.

"That's Ghost's new lass, I heard. Can't believe that guy found someone before us, eh? Surprised me too, I tell ya."

His words were like poison, and you tasted bile in your mouth. So much made sense to you now.

"Why not? I thought you liked it?! I enjoy it every time."

"That's not relevant anymore. I'm just telling you, Y/N. This thing is done. I won't come here anymore."

"But-"

"Let's just forget this happened, alright?"

"...."

"Okay."

You hadn't even been able to argue. Or tell him your feelings.

After all, you were the one who said you could never be in a relationship with him or fall in love with him. It was pathetic to get back on your words and admit it in front of him.

So you just shut your mouth and accepted his words for the time being.

A tiny voice in your head whispered that you could tell him your feelings later when he calmed down a bit. When he started to miss you.

You knew the whole situation with Hassan was getting to him and the others, so you cut him some slack. You thought he would change his mind. Believed it. Blindly.

But now, here you were. Looking like a fool. Feeling like one. Being one.

And the thing was, you couldn't even say anything to him.

He was the one who made you happy. Who made you want to be better. Less traumatized, more whole.

You could see in his eyes that she was that to him. Not you.

So, what right did you have to intervene?

You wanted him to be happy, after all.

How could you deny him that? You both had gone through so much.

She seemed to be the complete opposite of you. She basically glowed in the room, her smile radiant, and her aura was light as if the world had blessed her to never know hardship.

Her frame was soft, and her skin unblemished, untainted by the cruelty and darkness that existed in the world.

You couldn't help but compare yourself to her.

Your cracks, the marks of your trauma, made themselves known through various scars on your body. Your hands were rough, covered with old blisters; so unlike hers, and you were all jagged and sharp edges, while she looked so cute and bubbly.

You could see her appeal, and it hurt to think that way, but in another world, in different circumstances, you could see her as your potential friend. She just had the appearance and aura of someone who people gravitated toward. A soothing soul.

In that sense, you could understand Ghost. Why he searched her side. But you fucking hated it.

As lovely as she seemed, right now in this bar; you couldn't help but despise her.

She took him from you.

A voice whispered in your head. The ugliness of that thought made you want to throw up, because didn't it prove that you weren't completely right in the head?

Ghost wasn't your property. He had his own free will, and just because she appeared didn't mean she stole him away.

After all, he never belonged to you anyway.

This was probably why Ghost didn't chose you, you thought to yourself. Your ugly jealousy and possessiveness were rearing their heads.

I wouldn't choose myself either.

You felt like crying, but you couldn't even do that.

You hadn't cried for years now, and although the pain in your heart was worse than any of the bullet wounds you had received during your career, not a single tear welled up in your eyes.

You were truly broken. And the man who could fix you wasn't at your side. He would never be.

You looked at the two of them once more. An ugly thing clawed at your chest, begging to get out. Your vision turned red. You clenched your fists.

You had to get out of here. Now.

"You okay, Vigil?" Soap asked next to you, noticing that you seemed a bit off.

"Yeah. I just- think I didn't turn my stove off. I got to go."

You mumbled before you turned around and hurried to the exit of the bar. Soap tried to protest, but you were out the door before he could even finish his sentence:

"But you just arrived- Damn... off she goes."

He sighed and looked towards that woman and Ghost. They made eye contact. As if Simon was already looking at him. Or you.

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare ii #modern warfare II #modern warfare 2022 #simon riley #simon riley x fem reader #x fem reader #ghost x fem reader #ghost x female reader #ghost #soap #john soap mctavish #simon ghost riley #soldier reader #141!reader #special forces reader #fem reader #fanficsforheartandsouls

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