#is it just plain feeling unworthy

[beanghostprincess]

There's just something so inherently beautiful about the way Luffy loves Sanji. Because his perception of Sanji, at the end of the day, is always "he's a good person". Plain. Simple. Easy like that. "You're just like that" is what Luffy tells him. He's just, basically, a kindhearted soul. And he could quite literally list all of his qualities, but he doesn't because he doesn't need to. Why would he do that when the best description for his cook is just saying he has a good heart? The way Luffy perceives Sanji is just so beautiful to me because, while Sanji sees himself as somebody unworthy of love and easily dispensable, Luffy sees him as the representation of kindness itself. For Luffy, food is the epitome of happiness and love. Hunger means wanting something. Eating means taking something you want. And food as a concept means being full. Hunger itself is a need your body asks for, and Luffy has never been shy about it and he takes and takes and enjoys himself until he's completely full. Sanji has been hungry his whole life but has never, not even once, thought about eating out of pleasure, but only need. His job is to cook and to serve and not to eat. And Luffy sees that as the most selfless act of kindness. To create and give food to the ones who need it and want it. Sanji makes others happy, and Luffy can't understand why he keeps depriving himself of the food (happiness) he makes. He does these things out of plain, simple kindness and without expecting anything in return, and Luffy sees that. Luffy sees Sanji's heart served on a silver platter because that's what Sanji offers him every time. And Luffy doesn't want Sanji's heart or selfless acts of kindness. He wants Sanji to be kind without harming himself in the process and actually take what he wants for once (eating). Luffy doesn't get why he keeps torturing himself and giving his everything to others when he could just share it. Sanji has so much frustration and rage and pain and sadness he won't let himself feel, and Luffy is quite literally the definition of "If you need to be mean, be mean to me" (from the song 'I don't smoke' by Mitski) and "If you gave me all the anger you can't swallow I would eat it gladly for you, just don't choke" (I just thought about this thing I'm such a poet).

#the lusan feelingssss #i am very sad editing wci #'why do you keep making lusan edits if they make you so sad' i like suffering and pain next question #i don't talk enough about lusan and it's probably one of my favorite ships #sometimes i wonder if i like zolu or lusan better and i remember i ship the three of them together + usopp and i smile #also this whole thing is a metaphor for eds and i think it's obvious but yeah let me project my mental health on sanji #one piece #black leg sanji #monkey d. luffy #lusan #sanlu

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

Hi i read your sad Grayson hcs and can you pls make Jamie's next thanx 💕💕

sad jameson head canons

YES! i love jamie sm, he's the best brother out of the four of them. this might resemble my sad grayson hcs post bc i find them quite similar at their core (i'm gonna make a post about that someday). again, trigger warning for self-harm and suicidal thoughts/attempts. pls don't read this if these things trigger you. i also got kind of tired near the end so the last ones aren't as good as the first ones. hope you like them<3

jameson used to watch his brothers and wonder if he actually belonged in the family with them.

he has random scars all over his body. he tells people they're from his many risky adventures but, in reality, they're self harm scars.

jameson, instead of denying himself food and water like grayson when gets self destructive, just does all of the risky shit he can come up with hoping one of those things would kill him.

when he was 16, he bought pills he was planning on overdosing on. on the day he was supposed to go through with it, though, nash surprised him with a day trip to the beach with his brothers. he had so much fun, he completely forgot about his plans. (there was a smiliar hc in the grayson post i think, but i actually think it might fit jamie better cause gray would feel like he couldn't leave all of his responsibilities behind)

he would use the shards of broken alcohol bottles he broke on purpose to cut himself.

when he gets mad at himself or anxious, he'll pull at his hair really roughly.

grayson once told him to kill himself as a joke, but jamie took it to heart and that's the reason why he has that really long scar on his chest (gray is basically the reason he jumped off of that cliff repeatedly until tobias caught him) (sorry grayson stans i still love gray though)

people who asked him out on dates always broke it off weeks later bc they found him plain and careless (which doesn't make sense bc he's not). jamie put everything he had in these relationships even if they only lasted like a week. they offered him nothing.

i mentioned this in my sad grayson hc post, but i feel like it applies to jamie more; jamie pisses people off on purpose to anger them and make them leave when he gets self-destructive. he secretly hopes someone will see through the act but they never do (except for avery, he doesn't treat her like shit though, but she knows when he does it to others)

jamie, as a kid, was convinced smth was wrong with him. he'd look in the mirror for hours on end wondering why it was so hard for people to love him and truly see him (and for him to love himself).

jamie saw a therapist for a while who prescribed him anti-depressants. she insisted he come back for more visits bc she was afraid he would off himself but he never did.

jamie wants help but doesn't think he deserves it. he thinks he's overreacting most of the time and won't let himself get better.

although it might not look like it, jamie actually tried really hard in school to measure up to xander and gray. he would study is ass off to get grades like xander's and grayson's (he was very very good in school, but never as good as his brothers, and that made him think of himself as unworthy)

jamie's waiting for the day that avery realizes that he's not good enough for her and leaves him, but she reassures him he's stuck with her.

when he gets mad at himself, he goes to their indoor gym and punches the punching bag repeatedly until his knuckles start bleeding (and even then, he might keep going)

he also takes scalding showers as a way to hurt himself (scalding as in might burn his skin off)

he's a nail biter. he also bites the skin around his cuticles when he's feeling really shitty.

he used to listen to the way his grandfather talked to/about his brothers and think that they'd be better off without him (tobias was never as kind to jamie as he was to his brothers).

ever since thea turned everyone against him at school, he sits in the back of the school library during lunch. he looks at the people hanging out with their friends whilst they eat wishing he could be more likeable.

he used to write letters to his father and give them to tobias hoping he'd send them to his father (he never did)

multiple times, while driving, he would consider purposely getting himself in a car crash to not have to deal with himself anymore

he used to ask nash if he was a good enough brother when he was younger. nash died a little bit inside every time.

jamie sometimes sits outside gray's door, crying, wishing he could someday be enough for him (gray in the first book is actually kind of a shit brother to jamie. he acts as if jamie is lesser than him and it pisses me off)

when jamie was younger, he would show grayson things that he did that he was proud of hoping grayson would be proud of him too. grayson thought he was being annoying (i love gray, don't get me wrong but i feel like he'd do this not knowing how much it meant to jamie...)

jamie never asks for help/advice bc he thinks of himself as a burden.

he used to steal stuff when he was little bc he was desperate to have smth that was actually his and not gray's. (emily, tobias' attention, etc were never actually his) (@catapparently came up with this one)

he doesn't believe people when they tell him they love him. he thinks they're bluffing/pitying him.

jameson accepts the bare minimum from people bc he believes no one would ever be willing to give him more than scraps of love.

whenever he has panic attacks, he bangs his head on walls to try to put an end to them. he ends up with big bruises on his forehead but pretends he got them from his adventures and shit.

he used to have nightmares a lot as a kid where the people he loved left him. when he would wake up from them, he would consider looking for his brothers for comfort but he never did bc he was scared that they would make his nightmares come true.

he hates being vulnerable bc every single time he's opened up to people, they either thought he was overreacting or didn't bother staying/helping him. whenever he saw them leave he would blame himself for being too much.

he practices his fake smiles in the mirror every morning. everyone sees through them except for avery.

he has this one blanket that he got as a child that he used to talk to when he needed to vent (he wouldn't vent to his brothers cause he didn't wanna bother them). tobias thought it was childish and threw it away. jamie didn't let anyone see, but he cried every night for a full month.

he had this tradition where he would cut himself whenever tobias called him ordinary or unworthy. the amount of scars on his body just discourages him and makes him hate himself even more.

a happier jamie head canon to end this:

he used to post tutorial on youtube when he was like 7. he had some for slime making, cartwheels, sand castle building etc. he actually had quite a large following bc he was a hawthorne. he always responded to fand and followed them back. the comments he'd receive always made him super happy (same, i love receiving comments, they make my day)

i know i've said this in every sad hcs post, but i feel the need to do it again. if you ever feel like life isn't worth living or just need help in general, pls reach out to a friend or a helpline. sending lots of love to everyone <3.

#the inheritance games #jameson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne #avery grambs #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne #averyjameson

[yanfairiie]

TIME ENDS ALL ✦

kafka x fem! reader

cw: angst???, probably ooc kafka, character death, mentions of blood and murder, violence with guns ig, my first post btw TvT

you never expected such a thing to happen at all.

to be reunited with your old friend to now suddenly be admist a battlefield, stabbing and slashing away at enemies around you, blood creating a sea of crimson around your feet.

"how did you get in this situation?" some may ask.

ask and you shall receive.

. . . .

it all started when you and the astral express crew received news an infamous stellaron hunter has wreaked havoc on a hostile planet and while you would've avoided the journey, the mention of kafka's name snapped your eyes in himeko's direction.

"kafka? in this planet?" you suddenly spoke, interrupting the red-headed woman. everyone looked at you, surprised that you abruptly speak up about kafka and with such gentleness too! the mention of the other two stellaron hunters would make your voice intimidating.

"okay then, who's going?" you asked, and welt responded, "me, dan heng and stelle.. are you interested in coming along, y/n?" you nodded rapidly as you went to your room to get your sheathed weapon.

you returned no later and said, "im tagging along then." everyone looked shocked but they didn't object you going with the trio. himeko simply sighed, "if you're going, make sure to return in one piece, y/n. this is a hostile planet and you have to be careful, everywhere you go."

march sprung up from her seat and hugged you tightly, "make sure to take pictures! i won't be tagging along this time." she and himeko waved at you and the departing three as you lastly said, "sure, i promise."

and with that, welt stated, "let's get going now and put an end to the violence." you smiled as the four of you descended down onto the vast planet below.

once you were all gone, march's vibrant smile dimmed down to a frown. "y'know himeko. . is it just me or did y/n look a bit happy at the mention of kafka? like not with a smile but with a sparkle in her eyes. ."

himeko gazed down at the planet below and hummed, "you're not the only once, march. y/n did look rather entranced when we mentioned kafka. i think they used to be. . . close friends."

. . . .

you coughed at the smoke blurring your vision slightly as you stabbed through an enemy's neck. you almost feel like passing out at this point but you have to keep fighting or else you won't be able to stop her.

kafka. your old best friend. your crush. your frenemy.

you and the astral express crew were on the run towards catching kafka. news from the planet's higher ups reported her escaping from the guards, last being seen in a vast plain near active volcanoes.

you stood behind dan heng as kafka's elegant voice echoed, "hm? the astral express crew here in this blazing inferno planet? not a surprise, this is what elio told me on what would happen anyway."

"listen soldiers. get rid of those unworthy of my presence." suddenly as if on cue, a horde of soldiers came chasing after you all, making you take out your weapon.

"see if you can catch me now~" and with that she leaped off. dan heng gritted his teeth and shouted, "after her now!"

so many words could describe the chase and the battle that broke out. despite kafka manipulating the powerful soldiers, she took out her guns and started shooting bullets everywhere with that oh, so perfect smile of hers.

welt's void abilities, dan heng's true power and stelle's preservation powers almost were proved weak if it hadn't been for you slashing the incoming enemies charging towards you all.

that's when you realized that reinforcements arrived and started killing their way towards the crowd, slowly aiming towards kafka's head.

not wishing to see kafka injured, you broke free from the trio and sliced through the air, contact with an reinforcement's sword. kafka, ━ sensing someone was behind her ━ unknowingly shot a bullet through your shoulder and neck, thinking you were just another weak enemy of hers.

how horribly wrong she was.

you choked out blood as stelle screamed your name and started heading towards you through the blazing red. at the sound of your name, kafka's eyes widened as she saw your familiar figure slowly collapse towards the ground due to the pain her bullets delivered.

"y/n!" kafka's voice sounded muffled in your ears as she kneeled and delicately grabbed ahold of your broken body. she saw the gushing blood pouring out of your deep wounds but yet, you still smiled at her softly.

you placed a hand on one of her smooth cheeks and sadly laughed, "kafka. . you left so fast. . . i don't think you know how secretly happy i was to see you again but i didn't have time to call out for you."

kafka's smiled dimmed as she said with an urgent tone, "you were?. . ill stop this all for you, just stay alive for me and. ."

but she never finished her sentence as your eyes suddenly widened. a soldier was heading straight for kafka, aiming towards her heart.

you wouldn't allow that at all, even for the person who was supposed to be considered your enemy.

"kafka, look OUT!" you shoved her away from you roughly and onto the dead grass, her eyes slightly watering.

just as the blade drove straight through your heart.

it seemed as if time slowed down for you all. at the sound of your cry, the astral express crew turned their attention on you and stopped battling. kafka eyes widened even more and for the first time. . .

she felt fear.

she was on her torn knees as she saw your bloody figure descend towards the ground with a thud, your hair flowing upwards as you did and a hand over your bloody wound.

you laid there in pain, blood seeping out from everywhere in your body. from the slashes of the manipulated soldiers to the bullets from kafka's gun to alas, the stab to your heart.

a sad expression fell upon your face as your tears dried out. kafka put a gloved hand over her lips and sobbed. why did you have to sacrifice yourself just for her? why did it have to be you?

that's when she had enough. she took out her own sharp weapon and stabbed her own body, collapsing with you.

she didn't care. nothing mattered anymore. elio's script went to waste. her hair was disheveled. her smile was gone. your smile was gone.

weakly, she crawled towards you. her last wish was to be with you once more. her only closest friend. her once true love was dead.

and it was her fault. she ruined it all.

what if she didn't join the stellaron hunters just to bring a change to her life? what if she never abandoned you and leave you in the dirt? what if she never manipulated those foolish soldiers? what if it was her that got stabbed? what if she just never joined the dark side at all?

ah, there are no what-ifs anymore.

with her lovely eyes drooping heavily for a final rest, she slipped her gloved hand into your dirtied one. her smile returned a bit, only the ends curving upwards a tiny bit.

and with that, her final words for you?

"i love you."

A/N: HJAKKAKSAK my first oneshot and an angsty one too >:) but fr tho was it okay 😭 i need advice on how to make my bio aesthetic like those top tier writers like PLZ yall my biggest inspo 🙏 anyways tysm to those who see this, hope it wasn't too shitty TvT

also uhhh mdzs fans out there? do yk where i got the death idea from

maybe ill write the astral express crew's pov next?? who knows 😛

ill cya again >:)

#kafka honkai star rail #kafka hsr #kafka x reader #hsr #hsr angst #stellaron hunters #kafka x you

[lokisprettygirl]

Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 18 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 19

Summary : The tension between you and Loki finally breaks.

Warning: 18+, Sex, smutty soft smut, heartbreak and angst, mention of psychological torture, angst, insecurities, self deprecating behaviour, panic attack, praise kink

Next morning you woke up and got ready for the day before you headed out of your room, you just had a plain, slightly loose white button up shirt on along with a pair of blue jeans, nothing fancy. When Loki saw you like that reminded him of the first day he had seen you in your apartment, this is exactly what you were wearing that day as well.

"Good morning" you said as you stepped inside the kitchen area, Darcy was there too so you greeted her as well and she was nothing but jolly about it. You were kind of hoping for her to be a bitch like Melisaa. God you had issues.

"What would you like to have?" Loki asked you so you looked around and decided to have pancakes, once your plates were readied you all stepped out of the area and sat down on the dining table.

"So y/n what do you do for a living?" Darcy asked you so you nervously told her that you worked at a gym.

"Oh my god that's why you look so fit, I love that" she said to you so you smiled. Yeah, you really wanted her to be just another bitch but it wasn't going to happen it seems.

"Where are Thor and Jane and other people?" You asked them,

"Can't say what those two are upto but–" Loki spoke but he was interrupted by Darcy before he could finish,

"Really? They must have had sex all night long, I'm surprised you guys didn't hear her screaming" Darcy commented and Loki shrugged before he chuckled.

"Well I did once and that is the reason why my chamber is soundproofed, nothing goes in or out of there" Loki told her, just watching them converse with each other made you feel awful, you two used to have such playful conversations. What went wrong?

"Rest of them are on separate floors so you won't be seeing them " he told you so you nodded. Darcy's phone has started to ring so she grabbed her plate and excused herself. You were thankful for that if you were being honest with yourself.

He smiled as your eyes met with him, he was sitting right in front of you on the other side of the table.

"Sooo ummm where are we going today?" You asked him.

"I have no idea, Lady Jane is supposed to be incharge of that"

"Ohhh" you mumbled before you spoke again "She seems nice"

"Jane?"

"Darcy"

His brows raised for a moment before he hummed in agreement, even though he had assured you last night, you still felt jealous and insecure about their friendship, especially because now things between you two weren't how they used to be. Sometimes you just wished to turn back the time and have him hiding in your apartment again, that way you were the only one who actually knew him but now everybody got to have a piece of him and just the thought made you feel so selfish.

"Ummm i guess I'll go stay in my room until then..see you lo" you got up once you were done eating. Last night you had decided to do something about this complicated situation between you two but as the morning arrived it seemed impossible, all those fears that you had shoved aside had resurfaced.

"Darling?" You halted in your spot as he called out for you. You turned around to look at him and you could see the sadness in his eyes.

"You want to ..watch a film with me?"

He asked you so you smiled, your heart fluttered at the question, ofcourse you wanted to spend the time with him but you felt too afraid of your feelings for him and him not reciprocating it. Even though he had literally poured his heart out for you last night you still felt unworthy of him.

"Yesss"

He got up and stepped closer to you before you two proceeded to walk towards his room. Your hands brushed against each other accidentally so you crossed them together in the front of your chest .

He just wanted to spend alone time with you, after last night when he came back to his room he couldn't fall asleep at all knowing that you were right here just a few steps away from him. All he wanted to do was to run back to you and sleep with you by his side, he wanted to be submerged in your embrace because he knew that was the only way he would want to sleep finally.

You both sat down on the couch in his room after he drew the blinds so the room was dark. Being here felt a little weird, your face flushed every time you looked at the bed. He turned the tv on and you weren't even twenty minutes into the movie when you felt his head dropping on your shoulder. You turned your head to the side and found him fast asleep, he told you he wasn't sleeping well so you really wanted him to get his nap before the sightseeing. You stayed like that for a few minutes but having him so close to you was killing you.

"Lokii" you called out his name softly and he barely hummed before his arm wrapped around your waist and he pulled you into him, he slowly laid down and took you along with him, you didn't have much time to think, instead of having you on top of him he laid you on your side on the couch and then snuggled into you like he used to do, his hand went over your thigh and he wrapped it around his waist. That's exactly how he had cuddled you the first night, it had happened in the haze of a nightmare and in between sleep.

You were too far gone to ask him what he was doing so you just eased your arm under his neck and pulled him into you, your fingers scratched his scalp and you heard a soft little humming in response as he felt the caresses on his nape.

This is what had started the whole mess to begin with but gods if you didn't love the feeling of being able to hold him like this again.

You had no recollection when you fell asleep as well but you woke up to him staring at you.

"Ummm hii" you brought one of your hands up to rub your eyes, the action made him smile. Norns he had missed you more than anything. He flipped you underneath him, got on top of you making you chuckle nervously then he slowly sat up taking you along with him. He cupped your cheeks and placed a soft kiss on your forehead before he got up and quickly headed to the bathroom to do god knows what.

What just happened?

When he came out, you went in just to see if you needed a touchup before going out.

Thor, Jane and Darcy were waiting in the living room for you two.

"What were you two upto?" Thor asked, he had a huge smirk on his face, your eyes met with her and she seemed a little upset. Did she like him?

"We watched a movie" you answered him. Jane had the whole day planned and as soon as you all had left the tower Loki has created a charm to cast an illusion so the people will not recognise any of you. To one another all of you looked the same but for the people outside of the group he had turned everyone into a different person, it was all magical, sometimes it was all too unreal for you to believe but you understood why he was doing this. He didn't want anyone to get hurt because of him again.

At first you visited the Central park, you had always seen it in movies so it was amazing being there for real, a bunch of pictures were clicked and you made sure to get some with Loki alone.

"Wow you're so photogenic lo" you said to him as you looked at the picture on the screen of the camera Jane had brought with herself.

"So are you" you smiled as you looked at him. You didn't find much time to spend alone with him unfortunately and you couldn't help but feel dreaded by the thought that you had to leave tomorrow. Things would go back to how they were yesterday.

After dinner at night when all of you returned to the tower, you were feeling extremely tired and there was this sinking feeling in your gut that you couldn't get rid of.

He escorted you to your room and all you wanted to do was ask him to stay, you wanted him to stay with you and you were going to say something when you saw Darcy running up to him.

"Loki I need your help with the paper, you promised" he looked at you as he squeezed his eyes shut, he had promised her yesterday to help with a dissertation she was writing, he had no clue you'd be here.

"I will see you in five minutes Darcy " he told her so she nodded and walked away then he turned his attention back to you.

"Professor Loki huhh" you chuckled to hide the disappointment you were feeling at the moment and it made him smile too "Ummmm I'll go take a shower and.. sleep i guess" you said to him as you twisted the knob of your door.

"Y/n" you looked at him as he said your name "I .." he opened his mouth to say something but words died in his throat, he couldn't stop staring at you, he couldn't stop thinking about pressing you up against the door and kissing you.

"You should go help her" you faked a smile but he seemed offended by it.

"Oh should I go do that now?"'

"I mean–" before you could finish your sentence he interrupted you. You were avoiding him since yesterday and he knew why but it still hurt him.

"I will leave"

Your eyes teared up as he said that before he turned around and walked out. You didn't want him to leave, of course not but you didn't know what to say to him or how to make him stay. You stepped inside your room and sighed at the turn of events.

It has been a long day so you took a shower and changed into a nightwear, you had a pajama on with a shirt that seemed too small for your size, it was brand new so maybe it needed a wash or two.

It was hard for you to stay still, he seemed upset by you and you didn't want to leave tomorrow when things were so tensed between you two. A knock on the door made you sprint towards it to see who it might have been.

"Lo" you mumbled as you looked at him, he still had the same clothes on, his hands were into his pockets. He stepped in your room as he walked past you, he still seemed upset.

"Why are you being this way?"

"Like what?" You asked him so he turned around and glared at you.

"So dismissive" you crossed your arms as he said that.

"What do you mean?"

"You did not share with me the news of your arrival and since yesterday you are trying to just–"

"Really? Really Loki? You haven't called me in a week before that, what were you expecting from me?" You raised your voice a little and he was even more upset now.

"You could have called me as well. Did you?" You looked at him shocked as you snickered.

"No I didn't. I fucking didn't you wanna know why?" His eyes softened and whatever anger he was feeling towards you melted as soon as he noticed your voice trembling "You broke my heart out of nowhere and it hit me like a rock. I was hurt, I am still hurt and I can't get over that. So when I don't hear from you and you don't get in touch with me for days and I see you spending all your time with someone else.. i just assume that you are done with me because that's how I have been made to feel before okayyyy?" He took a deep breath as you finished speaking, this conversation needed to happen sooner than this.

"I wanted you to come with me so I could keep you safe. Why didn't you just come with me darling?" His voice sounded defeated as he questioned you.

"It's not that easy, it's my life Loki, as much as it sucked I still had a life before you came. I can't just pack my bags and move with you to a place that doesn't feel like home to me and where people come to my face to remind me that I don't deserve to be even seen with you let alone be with you. I'm not built that way and I'm soo sorry for that but I love you and I don't think I can stop loving you and I don't want to be just your friend, I want more, i always did but you left, you left me lo"

He walked towards you as you cried furiously, he cupped your cheeks and wiped your tears before he made you look up at him.

"Who said that to you, hmmm?"

"It doesn't really matter if it's the truth"

"It is nowhere near to anything true my darling. Those mortals out there? They don't know you, I do. I know what you have done for me and how much you mean to me, It is me who knows that not a second goes by where you're not in my thoughts. I try to keep myself invested in other conversations just so I won't have to think about you but I fail even then because I see you in every face, i crave for your touch on my skin and your sweet words in my ears, this morning just having you around me made me feel safe, i felt secured enough to fall asleep because I knew you were there by my side.. so please do not allow anyone to fill your head with such false notions that you belong anywhere but with me right here" you sniffled as he finished speaking.

Your constant need for assurance was one of the reasons why you didn't have anyone sticking around for you but he was still here right? He still wanted to be here but this wasn't just enough, you wanted more, you wanted all of him.

"I can't do this lo..I don't want to be without you, I want to find a way, I need to find a way because someday I don't want to lose you completely to someone else" You grabbed his wrists and pulled his hands away from your cheeks to take a step away from him "I should have said no" you crossed your arms as you said that, making his heart anxious again. What did you mean?

"No to what?" He looked at you confused and slightly scared.

"That day when you came to me and told me that you wanted to be just friends again i should have said no..i should have fought for us but instead of comforting you and easing that fear of yours i allowed my insecurities to ruin us even more" fresh tears filled his eyes as he heard that. He wished you would have said no. He smiled at the thought of you just refusing to break up with him, it was something only you could have done, probably you two might have cuddled and made up the very next moment.

"I am sorry my darling, I am sorry i have tainted our relationship with that decision but I am still where I was that day, losing you forever is not something I can afford, I can't live in a world where you don't exist"

"They don't have to know, the people out there, not just yet lo, we can go back to being how we were because we were so happy together" your voice choked on your tears because of the pain you had been feeling since the day he had left.

"We were so happy together and I want us to be happy again, I need you to be happy with me my sweetheart, I never wanted to hurt you so cruelly" he said to you so you nodded and crossed your arms together.

"So we just, ummm, go back to being friends who kiss sometimes and do other stuff, you are going to be all mine and I..well we will be patient with each other as we figure out how we are going to deal with these problems that we have and we won't leave each other no matter what happens okay?"

His heart fluttered as you said that, he had hurt you so much these past few days, he didn't even want to think how often you must have cried when you were all alone, he knew now that you must have tortured yourself with the self deprecating thoughts where you didn't feel enough for him and he hated himself knowing that he was the one to make you doubt your worth like that.

"I would love that" you looked at him shocked as he said that.

"Okay"

You put your hand forward so he chuckled before he shook on it gently.

"I have a flight at 12 in the afternoon..you want to see me off?"

"Or you just ditch that and fly alongside Thor?"

"I'm scared by his Mobonil, it's like being on the scariest rollercoaster " he chuckled as you said that.

"I promise you it's safer than that aircraft you will be on"

You took a deep breath as he said that.

"Okay" he walked towards you and cupped your cheeks and you thought he was going to kiss you so you placed your fingers on his lips.

"I just need some time to myself in order to adjust my heart to this again" he smiled as you said that.

"Alright my lady, you should get your sleep"

You nodded as he walked past you, you desperately wanted to kiss him but you needed a moment to fully absorb the situation, it felt too good to be true.

You heard your door shutting as he walked out, that's when you sat down on your bed and took a long deep breath. You didn't come here thinking things would work in your favor because they never really did.

After contemplating over it you literally yelled fuck it to yourself and stormed out, you basically ran towards his room, hoping you won't bump into anyone else. You waited impatiently as you knocked on his door and a moment later you were met with his beautiful face, he had no shirt on, his cheeks were still flushed with the tears but he didn't seem sad anymore, how did you manage to make a god like him fall in love with you?

"I don't need time" you jumped into his arms to kiss him and he immediately closed the door, there's no way you were going to spend the night sleeping in separate beds.

He put you down on his bed, the kiss never breaking in the process, his hands caressed upwards from your thighs to your torso before he placed them on your erect nipples and you felt his thumbs stroking each of them slowly, the gesture made you gasp and he used the opportunity to slip his tongue inside your warm mouth.

Your legs wrapped around his waist and he let go of your lips to allow you to breathe but he moved down towards your neck, he had to keep touching you to believe that this wasn't just a dream, he was so afraid to wake up all alone again. God you have missed his cold body against yours so badly.

"Looo" you mumbled meekly so he looked at you, his hair were all messed up and falling on your face so you tucked them behind his ears slowly..

"Fuckk me please" his eyes darkened with lust but he was also taken by surprise.

"You want me to do what?"

"I want you To fuckkk me right now lo, i need your cock so deep inside of me that I would feel it for days"

His cock hardened immediately as you said that, the sensuous tone of your voice was enough. Did he plan to have sex with the woman of his dreams tonight ? Absolutely not but he did want it more than anything else at this moment.

His fingers wrapped around the hem of your shirt so you arched your back and allowed him to take it off your body, you were not wearing anything underneath. His room was dimly lit and you were thankful for that, this felt sexy and it felt right, for once you actually wanted to be taken by the man you had on top of you, you wanted him to fuck you over and over again until you're both sated. The constant heat you shared with him was unbelievable, you were done taking it slow.

You pulled his trousers down and as soon as you had his plump cheeks under your palm you couldn't help but squeeze them, he moaned out loud as you brought one of your hands forward and grabbed his cock to stroke him slowly..

"Goddd you are magnificent Loki, you're the prettiest thing I have ever known" you bit on your lips as you looked down, his cock felt warm in your hand and he twitched with every little stroke of your fist.

He had his face hidden between the crook of your neck, his thumb caressed your bare nipples before he lowered down and sucked on them gently, you didn't know how you still haven't passed out.

He hooked his fingers in the waistband of your pajama so you lifted your hips up and he pulled it down your legs, taking your underwear along with it. He had never seen you so completely bare like this before and now he knew he was too ruined to not see you like this every night.

He slipped his hand between your legs to part them slowly, every inch of your skin tingled with anticipation of what was about to happen, you also felt a little scared because it's been a long time since you had done this.. you didn't want to disappoint him. Your fingers clutched onto his shoulders as he rubbed your wet lips slowly, his thumb moved in circles over your clit and you instantly felt the sensation building, nobody has ever made you feel this way before and now you know why.

They never had a chance to begin with.

"Looo pleasee..baby.. please i love you" you whined as you grabbed his cock in your fist again and lined it up to your entrance, the desperation you were showing him almost made him cum, before he could enter he waved his fingers and he had a condom wrapped around his cock.

"Why did you have that lo?" His face flushed as you questioned him,

"I have been carrying it in my vault since we became more than friends" you chuckled as he said that. You would have asked him if he was sleeping with other people but a part of you knew the answer already. Even though he had no obligation towards you in the last few weeks you just knew that he was still loyal to you and that sort of trust you had in him came naturally, even with all the issues and insecurities you had you were able to trust him like that.

"I love you Princess, I have never nor will I ever love again so deeply the way I love you" you gasped and moaned at the same time as he entered you in own quick motion. His cock stretched you out in an obscene manner.

"Yesss goddd yesss please" you bit on his right shoulder as his hips moved slowly against you and the action only fired him up even more. His cock touched places you didn't even know existed in you, sure you had sex but you have never been fucked so tenderly before, he was making love to you but he was also making sure that you'd be ruined forever for anyone else, he wanted you to know that nobody will ever make you feel as good as he could.

With every rhythmic thrust of his hips your breasts jiggled, the room was filled with the sound of his cock slamming against your wanting cunt, how come a mortal had such an effect on him? Why was he so malleable in your presence? He wanted to give you the world but he also wanted to corrupt you to your limits.

"I'm close baby..I'm so close" your voice again came out so whiny and that made him smile, he knew you had never came this way before so his heart soared that he was the first man who had been able to pleasure you this way.

"I know you are, I can feel you clench around me so desperately, let it go sweet thing, I got you …i got you"

The dam broke as he whispered in your ear, you knew sex would be different with him, you also knew you'd never be able to look at him the same again but you didn't know how cathartic it would feel to have his cock twitching inside you as you came, he was holding on for you and as soon as you had shattered he did too, it's been a long time since he had done this too, it's been years and he couldn't have been happier that it was with you. You wished you had the pleasure of him filling you up but you didn't want to take that risk just yet.

There were several things that needed to be discussed.

He placed his head down on your chest as he tried to catch up his breaths, it was easier for him to recover than it was for you. Godly stamina and all you figured.

He looked at you as he pressed his head up and you could only smile, then that smile turned into a laughter.

"That was…out of this world..God what was that?" You mumbled so he smiled and kissed you softly.

"Get used to it" he whispered between the kiss before he pulled out of you slowly "I will be back in a minute" you nodded as he got off you and you gawked at his toned behind as he walked away. A moment later he was back with a wet towel in his hand to clean you up, you felt well and truly fucked at the moment

"I have never had something so long and girthy inside me before.. going to feel it later" you said teasingly and he looked at you, the sly smile told you that he was pleased by the comment.

He made the towel disappear before he conjured a knitted blanket and wrapped it around you, it was black in color and he probably chose that color because you loved it. You propped up on your elbows to look at the material, just a look was enough to tell you that it was handmade, it was so soft and warm and you needed it because his room was extremely cold but then you remembered something,

"Lo?"

"Mmm" he mumbled as you questioned him

"Did you make this?"

"I did"

This is what he was making that day when you had caught him knitting.

"Thank you..it's so beautiful"

"It is?" His brows furrowed, he was always a little embarrassed of this particular interest of his, mainly because he was always ridiculed for having such a feminine interest to begin with.

"It's gorgeous.. just like you are.. i might get greedy and ask you to make more stuff for me" he smiled before he kissed you lovingly. He was going to sleep like a baby tonight.

"From now on you must get whatever you desire my princess"

Next morning you woke up slightly sore but utterly sated in every possible way. You two stood under the shower and in order to distract yourself from feeling insecure about your body in the daylight you grabbed the body wash and lathered it all around his chest but the water washed it off quickly so he turned the shower off.

You wanted to play with him and he wasn't going to deny you that. He had his arms placed on the wall behind you and his lips sucked on your neck softly so you were essentially trapped. Every inch of his muscle seemed to be carved with perfection, you could count every muscle. You rubbed the liquid soap on his back before your hands wandered and you palmed his plump ass, you felt his muscles flexing under your touch.

He sucked in a breath before he pulled away, you looked up at him so innocently but he could read the naughty thoughts you had in your head really well.

You brought your hand forward slowly, squeezed a dollop of body wash between your hands and grabbed his cock, the moan he let out was made of dreams, that particular sound will continue to haunt your lonely nights for eternity.

"Feels good baby?" You questioned you as you stroked him up and down slowly and he only hummed in response, one of your arms wrapped around his neck and he leaned down into you to hide his face between your neck then he went back to sucking on the soft skin. Your fingers traced the vein that ran on the underside of his cock from top to bottom, he was all natural down there and at this point everything about him turned you on beyond limits, even the coarse hair that trailed from his lower belly to the base of his cock was driving you crazy with dirty filthy thoughts, you wanted to go down on your knees and have your face stuffed between his legs to pleasure him.

"Darling pleasee don't stop .. please don't stop touching me"

He was so tall and intimidating but at this moment he just seemed so small as he moaned so desperately and begged you to keep touching him like this. All you wanted to do was take care of him in every possible way.

"I won't stop baby..you're such a good boy aren't you?" his arms wrapped around your waist as you said that to him. You didn't know where it came from but you knew he liked that, of course he did, he loved being coddled so it didn't really come as a surprise that he enjoyed being told how good he was being.

"You look so pretty like this, you know that?" You whispered in his ear and he squirmed in your hold, he finally lifted his head up and kissed you deeply while your hands continued to fondle him brazenly.

You increased your pace and he couldn't control himself anymore, his head pulled backwards as he enjoyed the sensations building, you watched in awe and felt hypnotized by the beauty in front of you. His mouth stayed open as strings of moans escaped his throat, he had no right to look this gorgeous, the veins in his neck strained as he was driven closer and closer to his release, he was a putty in your hands and he didn't think he wanted to be anything else. You felt his cock pulsing in your grip and you knew he was so close so you gripped his hair between your fist and pulled him closer to you to whisper in his ear

"Cum for me sweet boy"

That was his undoing, he grabbed onto the shower head above him as he came hard, you had his cock angled towards your torso and there wasn't an inch of your skin he hadn't painted with his cum. His knees felt weak and his body seemed to float with the feeling, he didn't think he would have survived this if he was just a mere mortal. You had a god like him crumble so easily with just your hands, he couldn't even imagine how good it would feel to be inside your mouth.

Once he came back to his senses, you smiled at him. Cupping his cheeks you kissed him as passionately as you could, you just wanted him to know that he was safe with you and he was free to be whosoever he wanted to be with you. You loved being his safe haven, his confidante, you loved knowing that he trusted you in this manner because you knew he wouldn't allow anyone else to see him in such a state.

Somehow you both were finally able to get out of the shower and get dressed, as you walked hand in hand into the dining room you noticed how Jane and Thor had the biggest smiles on their faces. However you did notice the saddened look on Darcy's face. You didn't need more confirmation that she was into him and she wasn't to blame because you didn't think anyone in the world could ever be strictly friends with him, you were just hoping it wasn't that serious and that she would get over it soon because you didn't want him to lose another friend. After everything that he has been through, he deserved to have people around him who genuinely cared about him.

"Congratulations buddy" she said to him and his face flushed in response.

You had to catch the flight soon but Thor insisted that he'd drop you and you won't have to waste that many hours in the plane. You were hesitant but Loki convinced you.

"I'll see you in one hour, i have to go attend this meeting but I promise I will be there" he said to you as you all reached the roof of the tower so Thor could take you back home.

"Okay come soon, I love you pretty boy" you whispered in his ear as you hugged him, the blush on his cheeks was apparent in the stark daylight.

When you came back to your apartment you couldn't stop smiling, you weren't used to things working out for you, you just wanted to twirl and dance because of the happiness you were feeling.

There was a sealed envelope in front of the main door, someone had slipped it from outside, you figured that it must have been Mrs Geller, she probably picked up your mails so you grabbed the envelope to see who it was from but it was completely blank, there was no name or address which confused you so you quickly tore the envelope and found a note in there. Your blood ran cold and goosebumps formed all over your skin as you read the content of the note and you had a feeling who it was from, the paper slipped from your hands as you read it over and over again, the implication of those words made you shiver with fear.

"Come back, I miss watching you sleep"

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

Note : I know the smut came out of nowhere but that's exactly how it was planned in my head since beginning, i needed it to be this way for their first time, remember it's been like more than 7 months since they had known each other and taking it slow was not working anymore 😄

Taglist (if you want to be tagged or removed let me know.. also I’m not able to tag some of you, please check your settings)

@annoyingsweetsstranger  @mcufan72  @nixymarvelkins  @stupidthoughtsinwriting  @fictive-sl0th  @huntress-artemiss  @eleniblue  @violethaze  @anukulee  @ladymischief11  @12-pm-510  @wolfsmom1  @whylokiissocute  @hyperlokilover @vickie5446 @pics-and-fanfics  @daddylokisqueen  @tallseaweed @olivertwistrabbit  @blog-the-lilly  @prettylittlepluviophile  @vanilla-daydreaming  @somewiseguy  @yaaamadaa-blog  @dragonmurray  @nyxxharmonia @elthreetimes  @gruftiela  @thenotoriouserg  @optimisticyouthdefender @mcuhplover @greep215  @yallgotkik  @obscureenigmatic  @janineb86  @sflame15-blog  @nyxlaufeyson  @lokidokieokie  @purplekitten30  @sunnixart  @nikkig496-blog  @frozenhuntress67  @qardasngan  @rosecentury @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen

#loki x female reader #loki #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader smut #loki x reader #loki x reader insert #loki x reader fic #loki x you #loki x reader angst #post avengers loki #canon divergent au #soft loki

[agentrouka-blog]

Its incredibly funny when people try to paint jon as not-classist and not-shallow, unlike sansa, to prove he is too good for her (in the story, actually she is too good for him), when his first pov chapter began with him dissing other people's appearances and making assumptions about them because he did not like them. He is an asshole to other night's watch boys because he thinks he is better than them (every time people say sansa looked down on people beneath her, i am reminded of this). He literally thinks ygritte's looks are common so she could be pretty in a peasant sort of way but not enough for a highborn lady 💀, his entire attraction to val is superficial based on her looks, he knows nothing about her. He dreams of his mother being highborn and beautiful. Judging this by standards everyone judges Sansa, this is classist and shallow. His best quality is that he learns, but so does Sansa, people just refuse to acknowledge it.

Very true, anon.

Sansa has a very judgmental opinion (that is actually based in the text and not plain projection like the idea that she held disdain for Jon) on exactly one lowborn person and that's about the kid her sister prefers playing with instead of herself, embedded in context pointing out how upset she is that she and Arya have so little in common.

Sansa knew all about the sorts of people Arya liked to talk to [instead of Sansa how dare she]: squires and grooms and serving girls, old men and naked children, rough-spoken freeriders of uncertain birth. Arya would make friends with anybody [except Sansa how dare she]. This Mycah was the worst; a butcher's boy, thirteen and wild, he slept in the meat wagon and smelled of the slaughtering block [TOTALLY UNWORTHY WHAT DOES SHE SEE IN HIM]. Just the sight of him was enough to make Sansa feel sick, but Arya seemed to prefer his company to hers [THE INJUSTICE!!!]. (AGOT, Sansa I)

Mycah is her rival for Arya's company and 12-year-old Sansa lists all his Horrible Terrible Qualities in her head to avoid acknowledging this.

The same way Jon projects his abject disappointment with the Watch on his lowborn fellow recruits and voices some very judgmental and shortsighted misgivings.

People ignoring one thing in Jon and then castigating Sansa for the same thing are hilarious. 🤭

#my pressed and judgmental babies #sansa stark #jon snow #parallels #classism

[nikethestatue]

A Match Baked In Heaven

Summary

Part 1

Lonely Boy

London, England

Present Day

“Promise me that you will be normal.”

“I am always normal.”

“That is demonstratively untrue. You are never normal,”

“Well then what do you want from me? If I am not normal to begin with, how can I be normal in this instance?”

“Fake it. Pretend.”

“Why don’t you just drive? In silence.”

Cassian sighed a dramatic sight, and continued on driving, preferring not to push the issue any further. Lord knew it took him months, actual months to convince his stubborn ass of a brother to actually agree to try this. In all honesty, Cassian was feeling exhausted. Drained. Defeated. And he never felt defeated. But this whole…thing…was akin to that Greek myth, with the guy who kept pushing a huge rock up a mountain, only to reach the top, and for the rock to skid back down and for the climb to resume again. And again. And again. That’s how he felt with his wayward, unruly, scandalous brother Azriel.

Azriel was looking out the car window, a scowl on his face.

Cassian wasn’t going to engage. The last thing he needed for his brother to say ‘turn the car around, I am not going’. He wasn’t going to risk it.

“Where are we even?” Azriel muttered at last, his brow furrowing as he looked at the unfamiliar streets. “Is this bird posh?”

Cassian arched a brow at him and blew out a breath. You can take the boys out of a council estate, but you can’t take the council estate out of the boys. He and Azriel grew up in abject poverty, with their alcoholic father, his cunt of a wife, and their two abhorrent step-brothers. Decades later, sometimes it slipped–Azriel’s plain talk. 

“Who cares if she is posh?” Cassian shrugged instead of answering. “You are Azriel Night. She should be impressed,”

Azriel rubbed the back of his neck and said, “Posh birds don’t care about all that.”

Here he was: the shy, awkward boy that Cassian remembered. Azriel, with his scarred hands, his awful self-esteem, his sense of unworthiness and his head full of doubts. Despite the blustering bravado that he usually carried like a shield, when left stripped and bare, Azriel was a boy who made it big, who got lucky in life, but who thought little of himself. 

Azriel sighed and then pointed at the window.

“Look!  A pub. Let’s stop and have a pint instead.”

Tempting as it was, Cassian shook his head determinedly and said, “No. We have an appointment and we will keep it.”

He glanced at Azriel and added, “And don’t be pouting.”

“I am not pouting!”

“You are definitely pouting.”

A moment later.

“And rolling your eyes.”

“Fuck off.”

“How about,” Cassian chewed the inside of his cheek and then offered, “we’ll get a pint after.”

“After, I’ll need heroin!”

Cassian didn’t bother responding–it was all just bluster anyway. Azriel didn’t even drink because he was training. And considering how badly the training was going, there wasn’t going to be any drinking or any heroin if he wanted to continue playing, and not get benched for the rest of the season.

Azriel was looking out the window with a mixture of disdain and interest. 

They were driving down a busy street, hotels and restaurants on both sides. There was the Fitzroy, its facade indulgently opulent and so overwhelmed with Victorian decorations, it looked ridiculous. Next to it, was an absolutely disastrous looking cement building, which used to be a hotel, but now seemed abandoned. A fucking crematorium would look cheerier than this grey cement monstrosity. 

“What is this?” Azriel asked again.

“Russell Square,” Cassian explained at last, while making a turn alongside the green square.

It was quaint here. Quiet. 

Finally, Azriel recognised the hulking mass of the British Museum. It wasn’t a place where he visited willingly, though he sort of recalled a school trip here. Beyond that, it was a black hole. 

He was mostly a shit student, so it didn’t surprise him that he didn’t remember. He wished that he was better–at everything–but his childhood was so precarious, he never allowed himself to hope or wish for better days. So why bother with education or culture if that could always be snatched away from him at any point? So he didn’t. And now, he regretted it. He regretted not spending more time learning about things, about the world, but wasting entirely too much time on doubting and challenging it.

The SatNav told them that they had arrived and Cassian killed the engine.

“Come on,” he motioned at Azriel firmly, “don’t puss out on me now. Let’s go.”

Clenching his teeth so hard he risked cracking a tooth, Azriel climbed out of the Jaguar. 

The two of them stood in front of a cute - charming even - Georgian row home, with an attached carriage house. The house was mostly white, with a bit of red brick, and covered in red and purple…well, flowering plant. Azriel wasn’t an expert in plants. He knew ivy and wisteria and that’s as far as it went. So whatever this was, it was beautiful, but he has no idea what it was. Marigold Agency was all it said on an old-fashioned hanging sign that swayed gently over the one-story carriage house. Could be anything. At least it saved Azriel more embarrassment and indignity. He was entering, or ducking, to be precise, into a vaguely named business. It could be a flower shop. A cafe. An ice cream shop.

Not a matchmaking agency. Nothing like that.

The weather was blustery, the skies slate grey, not even a hint of sun or light. Sinking deeper into his leather jacket, he finally entered the foyer, followed by Cassian. A bell chimed upon their entry, announcing them.

They stood in a plush, cosy space, with a fancy marble fireplace, and entirely too many flower arrangements. The walls were covered with tastefully framed, but absolutely cheesy inspirational love quotes. As he looked around, Azriel read gems such as:

Darling, you are all I ever wanted love to be…

True love is a journey without an end

I told the stars about you…And they answered

I crave a love that drowns oceans

When we have each other, we have everything

“In the name of Saint George, what the hell is this?” Azriel muttered under his breath, glancing around.

Cassian meanwhile, made himself comfortable in a plush sofa, dwarfing it with his massive size. The fire in the fireplace was roaring and created a nice respite from London’s awful October weather. 

The next moment, a three-legged pug came trotting in, huffing and snorting. He was wearing a spiffy blue bow and stared the two visitors down with his big buggy pug eyes. Azriel squatted low and let the dog sniff him, as he stroked the short fur and the multitude of rolls.

“Piglet!” a melodious voice called out. “How did you get out? Off you go back to the office! Come on!”

The pug snorted in indignation, while Azriel followed the sound of the voice. His eyes skimmed up, finding slender ankles and feet clad in black patent leather pumps–elegant, with one of those ‘kitten heels’. Is that what they were called? And how did he know that?

The owner of the expensive shoes wore a pleated silk skirt of deep cobalt and as he looked up, Azriel noted a tiny waist and a pair of ample tits. The posh bird–and he assumed that’s who this was–had a body to kill for. Definitely a hot little body, though she was dressed like some movie star from the 50s. Totally old fashioned and proper. Those nice soft tits were hidden beneath a black silk blouse, with a huge bow on the side of her neck. Apparently she and her pug liked strutting about wearing large bows. But to add to her old-fashioned attire, she also wore PEARLS. Real, honest to god pearls–a 3-strand pearl necklace, and pearl earrings. 

“Your pug’s name is Piglet?” Azriel asked, perplexed, as he straightened to his considerable height.

“It is indeed,” the girl…woman…confirmed.

She was a stunner to be sure. Early-twenties, he assumed, and it wasn’t just her attire that seemed vintage–she was a throwback to a bygone era. A soft lovely face, reminding him of classic cartoon princesses–huge round eyes, brown and gorgeous, a small pretty nose, pink cheeks and a pair of rosy lips, all framed by waves of light golden-brown hair. 

“Piglet, come,” she ordered again, and the pug finally ambled away from Azriel, energetically hopping on his three legs.

“Mr. Singer-Night?” she asked, boldly extending her hand.

“Mr. Night is fine,” Azriel corrected, and took her hand in his. Hers was soft, with little firm calluses and a nice grip.

He found himself being intrigued by this oddity. Not exactly attracted, though she was incredibly attractive, but more like fascinated. She was so different from every single other woman he’s ever been around, he didn’t know what to make of her. Granted, he didn’t spend much time in high society, but he spent enough to know that even there, girls such as this one were a rarity. 

“Of course,” she nodded once and then looked at Cassian, who got up from the sofa.

“Also Mr. Night,” Cassian smiled, his handsome face splitting into an affable grin. She offered him a little smile too, and for some reason, that made Azriel unhappy. He wasn’t angry exactly, but she barely reacted to him, and here she was, offering sweet smiles to his brother. It wasn’t unexpected–Cassian was fun. Big, burly, handsome, with his black Fabio-long hair and an easy, loose-limbed walk.  

“Are you brothers, gentlemen?” she inquired, motioning for them to follow her. 

“We are,” Cassian confirmed.

“Yes, I can see the resemblance,” she said breezily, to which Cassian responded, “Of course I am the more handsome, well-adjusted brother!”

She smiled a polite smile, and Azriel blandly stretched his lips in a fake smile, wanting to punch Cassian in the bollocks.

Unbelievable that Cassian was starting to flirt with her within two minutes of being in her presence! Unbelievable or predictable?

Anyway, this was going terrible and he just wanted to get out of here.

“Would you like some tea, gentlemen?” she offered.

“Would love some,” Cassian agreed immediately, and Azriel clenched his fist until his nails dug into his fist painfully. Now they were having tea! They’d never fucking get out of this bizarre place in the middle of fucking Holborn or wherever the fuck they were. 

“You seem tense, Mr. Night,” she said quietly, and he was surprised to find her in front of him, her big brown eyes kind and understanding. “Please have a seat and make yourself comfortable.”

Easier said than done, but Azriel followed her advice and plummeted into a comfortable armchair in front of a large, clean desk. Cassian sat in an identical chair next to him. Piglet the pug eased himself between them and sat down on the plush carpet, looking up at his new guests with interest. Cassian immediately attempted to play with the dog, extending his hand and asking to ‘give paw’, which Piglet did. 

The girl, whose name Azriel still didn’t know, returned with a tray laden with tea service. Actual tea pot and nice cups and saucers, platters with biscuits and pastries. She poured them tea, handed them the cups and only then did she sit down behind her impressive, polished walnut desk. 

“I am Elain Archeron,” she introduced herself at last.

“Pleased to meet you, Ms. Archeron,” Cassian grinned, and Azriel nodded. The rain behind the window was getting worse, and Azriel felt that he was here for the long run. “This is a very nice office,” Cassian continued to pile on the compliments. “Business must be going well for you, to be able to afford a place like this. You do come very highly recommended and your services are highly regarded.”

She drummed a manicured finger on the desk and explained, “I inherited the building. The house is mine, and I use this carriage house for my office. My great-great-grandmother, also named Elain, was the lover of the Duke of Velaris,”

At that, Cassian gave her a salacious look, and Azriel sipped his tea in bland silence. It was good. Strong. And of course there is some high society sex story that was going to be attached to this girl–it was a given. She seemed like the type. Lovers, dukes, mistresses, inheritances, estates…Fucking ‘Downton Abbey’ is where he now was. A nightmare.

Elain continued, “She was very active in the suffragette movement at the end of the 19th and the beginning of the 20th century, and was good friends with Emmeline Pankhurst, who lived just down the road, in what is now the Fitzroy.”

Azriel’s brain was working slowly, because he was now warm and sleepy, but he recalled something about all of this from class–the name Emmeline Pankhurst sounded familiar. She was one of the first feminist ladies, if he recalled correctly. 

“The Duke of Velaris gifted the house, this house, to my gran, so that the women could hold their meetings here. It’s been passed down the line, to the females of our family. I am the lucky one who inherited it this time around…This carriage house is quite convenient to house my business,”

“So you are a Duchess?” Azriel interrupted. 

She smiled and said, “Well, not exactly, but enough about me.”

“I told you she was posh,” Azriel glanced at Cassian, nodding in her direction. 

She ignored the comment and asked at last, “So, what brings you to Marigold? And who is in need of my services?”

“My brother here,” Cassian offered easily, “is in need of a wife.”

She exhaled and murmured, “well then”, and clicked her laptop, reading whatever was on the screen. Azriel fumed silently.

“I am assuming you are Azriel?” she asked, without taking her eyes off the screen. 

“I am,” he managed. 

“It says you are a footballer?”

“I am,” he confirmed reluctantly. Usually, his profession was a flex. He played for Arsenal, been a professional footballer since he was 17, and was currently the team’s captain. But somehow, right now, it didn’t seem as impressive as it usually did. Not when he was sitting in front of a damn Duchess!

Was she really a Duchess? Did Granny Elain only shagged the Duke, or did they have children? Because if Granny Elain looked like this Elain, it was no wonder that the Duke dipped his wick into that honey pot. 

“Are these monosyllabic answers how you court the ladies?” Elain asked, a note of tartness on her tongue.

Azriel’s eyes flared and he stared at her. The cheek on her!

“Pardon?” 

She shrugged innocently and continued looking at the screen, reading.

“I am just wondering why you would need my services, Mr. Night? You are a successful sportsman, and a footballer no less, and I assume that you are financially stable. Unless you have a gambling problem of some kind?”

“I don’t have a gambling problem!”

“Well, then, since you are an athlete, I am guessing it’s not drugs or drink. So, what is it then? Personality or sexual dysfunction?”

At that, she looked up and stared straight at him.

Azriel’s eyes bugged out. To be fair, so did Cassian’s.

“Excuse me?!” Azriel thundered. “Who the hell are you to imply that I can’t get my dick hard? Are you even married yourself? And where do you get off treating your potential clients like this? Let’s go, Cassian. I am not sitting here, listening to this shite!”

Elain remain unflappable all through his tirade, and watched him attempt to get up from the armchair, splashing hot tea over his shirt in the process. He cursed, the tea cup clanging and wobbling precariously in his hands.

“Are you very well done?” Elain then asked dryly, rising up and leaving the office.

Cassian sighed deeply and unhappily.

“Well, that went well,” he groaned.

“She was taking the piss!” Azriel retorted angrily, though he was feeling kind of foolish now. He couldn’t believe that he lost his temper like that. He wasn’t even a temperamental man, but somehow, this stuck-up little floozy with her pearls and her judgemental tone set his teeth on edge. “I bet she isn’t even married herself! Who’d marry a cow like that? A bloke would have to be suicidal…She’d nag him to death…”

Suddenly, from behind them, Elain voice said calmly, 

“Glad to know that it’s not sexual issues, but just your horrible personality.”

Azriel felt his face flush. He’d assumed that she stormed out and left them to see themselves out, but apparently, she heard everything that he said to Cassian. He called her a ‘cow’. Shit.

She handed him a hand towel to blot out the tea from his shirt and then went back to her desk.

Piglet was growling angrily at Azriel, back to stand on his three legs, his crooked sharp little teeth bared and ready to sink into any part of Azriel in defence of Elain.

“Piglet, it’s okay,” Elain said softly, while Cassian attempted to pet him and almost lost a finger in the process, when Piglet snapped at him viciously.

“My apologies, Ms. Archeron,” Cassian muttered. “This didn’t go as planned. We won’t be wasting any more of your time and will be on our way.”

She sighed and waved her hand at him,

“I apologise for my shortness. But, you must understand, I also don't want to waste anyone’s time. Not yours, gentlemen, not my own. If Mr. Night isn’t interested in my services, then I understand and we won’t proceed any further.”

“No,” Cassian interrupted. “He is interested. Believe me. He is,” and he threw a murderous look in Azriel’s direction. 

Elain pursed her lips and said, “I find it hard to believe. But if you wish, let’s discuss your situation. I feel like there is more to the story that I am not understanding.”

She was now talking directly to Cassian, pretty much ignoring Azriel altogether, and that made his hackles rise. However, he didn’t feel that it was prudent to continue arguing with her. Let Cassian handle this however he wanted.

Elain refilled Azriel’s cup and handed it back to him. He was surprised at that. The biscuits looked good too, so he picked one up from the tray and bit into it. It was divine. Buttery, crispy, meltingly tender inside. He’d never eaten a biscuit like this before. 

“This is incredible,” he couldn't stop himself from complimenting it.

A small smile touched Elain’s lips and she said, “Well, thank you, Mr. Night. I baked them myself.”

“You bake too?” he blurted out stupidly.

“I do. It was my first passion. That and flowers.”

“Of course,” he snorted. “Don’t worry, Miss, I didn’t think it would’ve been cage fighting. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you are an escapee from the 50s,”

Sarcastically, she retorted, “no, how could I possibly take that the wrong way? Forgive me, sir, if I am well-mannered, and decorous, and like genuine relationships between people, which aren’t based on Instagram likes and follows.”

“I am a little surprised that you know what Instagram is,” Azriel added. “Seeing as you use words such as ‘decorous’...”

“Aright, okay,” Cassian clapped his huge hands together and rubbed them together. “That’s enough. Let’s move on, shall we?”

Elain sighed dramatically and said, “Fine. Tell me then why Mr. Night is in need of a wife then?”

“Gladly,” Cassian cried with fake excitement. “Azriel and I grew up in a…challenging environment,”

Elain didn’t say anything, but Azriel could see that that did not surprise her. 

“Our family situation wasn’t the best,” Cassian continued, “until we were adopted by our distant uncle. You might have heard of him, considering your background–Lord Darling, the construction magnate.”

She nodded, “I am familiar with Lord Darling. He has a son–Rhysand, I believe. You three are related then?”

“We are. Rhys is our cousin. We were adopted when we were teens, Azriel was almost fifteen, I was about thirteen. Az was already showing a lot of promise on the field, his talent raw and genuine,”

Azriel died inwardly from the praise. He was never comfortable with it, even when it was deserved.

“Signed at seventeen to Manchester City,” Elain said casually, like a spy recalling a dossier. “Then, at twenty-three, sold to Arsenal and has been there ever since. Captain for the past three years, if I am not mistaken?”

Cassian just stared at her, as did Azriel, his mouth hanging slightly open.

“He is a forward and his number is 14. Last year, he scored 34 goals, tied only with Haaland. Height–6”5, very tall for a footballer, and weight is 188 lbs.," with that, Elain leaned back, and looked at both of them. 

“I wouldn’t have taken you as a football aficionado,” Cassian confessed after a long pause.

“I am not,” Elain said easily. “And I wouldn’t expect you to. I am an escapee from the 1950s, after all.”

Azriel pushed his tongue into his cheek, but didn’t rise to the taunt.

He wasn’t sure why, but it felt weirdly satisfying to hear her rattle off his stats. To say that he was shocked was an understatement, but also, secretly pleased. Fuck yeah he was as good as Haaland! And Haaland was 5 years younger than him. So there was that.

“As our American cousins would say,” Elain threw a biscuit to Piglet, who lunged at it voraciously, “this isn’t my first rodeo, Cassian.”

Oh, so now Cassian was Cassian. But Azriel was still Mr. Night.

That was fine. It’s not like Azriel cared.

“And that means that I do my research. Very thoroughly,” Elain assured them. “Before I take on any client, be it male or female, I need to know what and who they are. Do I scour news outlets? Social media? Gossip sites? Oh, you bet I do. And then there is a full criminal background check as well once someone becomes a client. 

“Mr. Night is acceptable,”

“Oh, well! Thank goodness for that,” Azriel exclaimed sarcastically.

“There is no need for that, Mr. Night,” Elain stopped him, “your notoriety is known, but it’s at an acceptable level. No long term relationships, no sexual assaults, but penchant for…” she cleared her throat, but ploughed forth, “orgies and group sex. Attempts at discretion, but not always successful.”

Shit, well this was embarrassing.

Azriel wasn’t sure why he should feel embarrassed at all? He was a single man in the prime of his life, but when it came from the lips of this lovely doll-like creature who was draped in pearls, his sexual history sounded…seedy. 

She didn’t pause, but continued, “only one arrest. When Mr. Night was 18–for destruction of property,”

“He spray painted a wall,” Cassian interjected.

Azriel just loved sitting here and being discussed like he wasn’t present.

“Ahh, an artist as well?” Elain commented.

Gah. She really was the most annoying woman he’d ever met. Annoying and condescending and impossible. 

“So, a famous, successful footballer from the Premier League who enjoys orgies and hasn’t had a girlfriend…ever, wants to find a wife? That’s quite a leap. Please explain.”

“Lord Darling is a very wealthy man,” Cassian said, “and he’s been kind to treat us well, even though we aren’t his sons. We are in his will, and it’s not been kept secret from anyone. The will stipulates one condition for all of us: Rhys, Az and myself. In order to receive the inheritance, we have to be married by the age of 30. If we are not, the inheritance is null and void and we receive nothing. Azriel is the eldest–he will be turning 30 in March. I have another year and a half to go and Rhys is the youngest at 26.”

“Aren’t you wealthy in your own right?” Elain challenged, looking directly at Azriel.

“I am,” he said.

Muscling in, Cassian piped in, “You don’t understand, Ms. Archeron. The inheritance is very large,”

Seeing her expression, Cassian added,

“It’s 230 million. Each. It’s a lot of money to just let go.”

It finally dawned on her and she nodded with understanding. 

“It is a rather large sum,” she agreed with an exhale.

“It is,” Cassian nodded, swallowing two biscuits at once. “These are good!” he mumbled, before saying, “and since it is such a huge amount, and this is a serious, lifelong decision, we all got to be thoughtful about it. Can’t leave this to chance anymore. As you’d mentioned, Az doesn’t have a steady girlfriend, so anyone new has to be vetted. We can’t have some slag from “Love Island’ latching on to him.”

Elain’s eyes popped at the word ‘slag’ being casually thrown into the conversation, but she stopped herself from commenting. 

“Also, Az will be moving on sooner rather than later.”

“Not too soon,” Azriel argued, but Cassian ignored him.

“Coaching or broadcasting,” Cassian continued. “Within 3-5 years, Az will retire from playing, but will probably move on to coaching once he passes all his coaching courses and certification. He’ll have a reputation to uphold–he’ll have to be respectable. Married, with children,”

“God Cass, you make it sound like I am being sentenced to life of hard labour,” Azriel moaned.

Elain chuckled. 

“Well, at least now it makes sense.”

Elain got up and went to the window behind her desk. 

Rain lashed violently against the glass, but it was nice here–at least Azriel liked it. The girl was still kind of a bitch, but she smelled nice, of jasmine, with an undertone of honey, and she baked and she was pretty. And her arse was fine, even hidden behind her pleated skirt. All of her was fine, except for her personality and her sharp tongue.

“Mr. Night,” she said quietly, without turning from the window. Azriel knew that she was addressing him, because Cassian busied himself with fixing Piglet’s bow.

“Please confirm that you are the kind of man who’ll accept a woman with high energy and high ambitions,” Elain asked. 

“What?”

“The women that contact me–that’s what they are. They are busy with professional lives, they are usually very well financially off, they are confident and independent. Most either don't have time to look for a partner on their own or want to meet someone who’s been screened and who matches their needs and asks. 

“But I must inquire again–is that the type of woman you desire? Someone who would stand up for herself, and someone who might not give up her own career for yours? Someone who might be complicated, if you know what I mean. Educated, serious, elegant, demanding. Not someone who’d roll over for you or inflate her lips or bleach her hair.”

“I don’t really want anyone with bleached hair,”

“Well that’s good isn’t it? Because I’d present you with matches who will challenge and entice you. But you need to tell me that that’s something you are comfortable with and that’s something you want?”

“He wants it,” Cassian shot immediately, playing with Piglet and cooing at him, muttering ‘you are a pretty boy, aren’t you? Yes you are. Yes you are…”

Elain raised her hand and turned to face them.

“I must insist that Mr. Night answer this question, Cassian. This is the rest of his life we are talking about. I understand that you have his best interests at heart, but that’s not enough. Mr. Night must decide for himself.”

Azriel crossed his arms on his chest and chewed his lips, thinking.

He liked her straightforward manner. Her insistence. If he didn’t know better, he’d almost say that she was describing herself in these women that she’d be setting him up with. Only it wasn’t the case–Elain was delicate and classic. She was a matchmaker, for god’s sake, not some boardroom lioness. She had a pug who wore a satin bow. But she was dogged, and confident, and he didn’t mind it. He didn’t mind her self-assuredness at all. Other things…he kind of minded. 

“Yeah, okay,” he said at last. 

Elain cocked her brow at him, her expression a mixture of disdain and disbelief. 

“Well, ‘yeah, okay’ doesn’t exactly fill me with excitement, but I suppose we’ll go with that,” she concluded at last. 

Cassian chuckled. 

She clicked something on her laptop, and Azriel heard the sound of a printer. 

“This is the contract, gentlemen,” she told them, as she gathered a hefty bundle of pages and stuffed them into a folder. “Take a look at it and if you are going to pursue my services, I’d like for you to return it to me, signed, by tomorrow. Say one o’clock?”

Cassian snatched the folder and nodded, “Yes, we will.”

“I apologise for how quickly we are moving here, but we are under a tight timeline, it seems,” she reminded them. 

Suddenly losing his usual indifferent bravado, Azriel asked, his voice quiet,

“And what happens after? If we sign it,”

“You sign it,” Elain ordered brusquely. 

“Fine. I sign it. What happens after that?”

“We sit down, discuss your mating criteria, and take it from there,”

“I am sorry, what? What is a ‘mating criteria’?” 

“Basically, your requirements for your future mate. Blonde or brunette? Tall or short? Level of education? Hobbies? Interests? All of it.”

“Mating criteria is the least sexy term I’ve ever heard,” Azriel complained. 

“Well, I am sorry, Mr. Night–I'll leave the ‘sexy’ part to you. My job is to find you the woman for all your sexy needs and then some.”

Azriel got up, followed by Cassian.

“I mean, you can just marry me,” Azriel suddenly blurted.

Both Elain and Cassian paused and stared at him with evident shock on their faces.

“I am sorry?” 

Backtracking frantically, he tried to make light of it, internally berating himself and wondering what the hell possessed him to say something so stupid. He’d rather rip his nuts off than be married to her!

“I mean, it would save both of us some time. And in a year, we could be divorced. No harm, no foul. And I won’t even request any conjugal satisfactions from you,”

“Okay, okay,” Cassian muttered, grabbing Azriel’s upper arm and squeezing it until he stopped the blood flow. “I think we’ve said enough. We’ll see you later, Ms. Archeron,”

She, meanwhile, was fuming, her hands on her hips, as she snarled,

“You wouldn’t request conjugal satisfactions? You? Who said I’d ever even let you near me!?”

“I am sure he was just joking,” Cassian murmured through clenched teeth. “Nerves, you know. Nerves. Forgive him, Miss Elain. No conjugal anything between the two of you, of course. Hahaha. That’s funny. Let’s go. Let’s. Go.”

He half dragged Azriel alongside him.

“Consider it!” Azriel called out.

“No. Fucking. Thank. You.” She yelled after them.

“Shit, you said ‘fucking’!” Azriel grinned. “Miss Perfect is not so perfect after all.”

** credit to @deathsweetblossoms for suggesting the title for the story!

#A Match Baked In Heaven #elriel #Elriel Fanfic #Elriel Fanfiction #elain archeron #azriel and elain #azriel #elain #pro elriel #elain x azriel #cassian #acotar fanfiction #my writing #my fanfiction #Modern Au #my fic

[smelly-hyena]

have you ever thought about madohomu from madoka's perspective though

like what if you spent your whole life feeling unworthy of love but craving it and then one day you learn that there's a girl who loves you so much she endured over a decade of horrific trauma in a futile attempt to save you from your fate without ever once doubting whether throwing her life away and suffering so much for you was worth it. even though to you she was just some weird and sometimes scary girl you just met but to her you were the only thing she had to live for

and then when you finally remember who she is and everything she did for you and have the ability to appreciate what she's done and reciprocate her feelings and enjoy the love you've been craving so long (except this love is exceptionally greater than anything you've dared to dream someone could ever have for a useless and plain girl like you) you lose the ability to actually be with her as a direct consequence

and what if you sacrificed your very humanity just to take all of the pain she suffered for you away but then you had no choice but to watch her living in a world without you so lonely and sad and slowly losing her mind because she isn't sure whether or not you ever truly existed and there was nothing you could do to comfort her and this is all because of Your wish that You made

and then the day finally comes when you can give her the peaceful rest she deserves but then she sabotages it by pulling you into her dream world just so she can have a chance to see you and speak with you one more time because even after all the suffering you and your wish have caused her she still loves you more than anything else

but in that dream world you accidentally confess to her that you were lonely and unhappy in the void so instead of letting you save her she attempts to take your godhood onto herself and suffer in your place and she makes this perfect world just for you to live in and be happy with your friends and family even though it means she'll never be able to be with you and has to suffer the burden of godhood all alone just like you did and you might hate her for creating a world that's different from the one you wanted but she's willing to suffer anything as long as it means you're happy and safe

have you ever thought about what it would feel like to be Loved. to watch someone's Love for you slowly destroy them. to be powerless to save them because nothing you could do would ever make them stop Loving you.

#help me #madohomu

[teabutmakeitazure]

What would chrollo say or do if one day his darling yells at him because they dont understand why he wants them. They arent sexy or ugly, not incredibly smart or totaly dumb. They are just normal. The reader has some insecurity issues.

(An insecure darling would not make Chrollo's romantic pursuit easier.)

It's easier to convince someone of something if it comforts them, but all the reassurances and promises of your uniqueness only serve to make you more uncomfortable. Your unworthiness is evident from how you don't look like an actual couple when together. Chrollo is charismatic and attractive, a person that would make anyone turn their head to look at again. You, on the other hand, are a perfect example of an average crowd member. There are no distinguishing features about you or anything that would pull another person in.

Just another person on the street. That's what you are.

You aren't conventionally attractive, simply plain. Neither a bother to look at nor a pleasure. Your facial features aren't unique, and there is nothing about your personality that stands out. Hair texture is normal, your height and weight completely average as well, along with your academic record.

All these facts make you continuously question Chrollo's feelings for you. Why? What does an extraordinary man like him see in you?

Everything apparently. Or at least that is what he told you when you exploded and yelled at him a few minutes ago. His response was immediate, but he only uttered the word 'everything' to your aggressive question and went quiet.

He's still staring at you.

And you're still staring at him.

It's been more than a few minutes, hasn't it?

It doesn't matter. It never did. Chrollo's declarations don't make you feel any better. They actually have the opposite effect. His words only serve to push you deeper in this hole, and it's been ages since you've given up on escape. Both from the hole and from Chrollo.

You can see the gears turning in his head, his eyes softening as he reaches for your shoulder. The action is futile, for you step further back, unaware of the wall a few steps behind you. Your back never meets it because Chrollo is faster. His hands grip both your shoulders with a bit of strength at first, but it becomes gentle.

Unfortunately, you also lack any intelligence to tell whether or not the hurtful expression on his face is genuine.

The both of you stare at each other for a few more minutes, neither wanting to break the silence. Before you could find comfort in the lack of conversation, Chrollo's mouth opens. Words haven't even left his mouth yet, and you've already accepted his inevitable scolding of you putting yourself down.

"You are everything to me," Chrollo declares, voice initially a whisper. "You are everything I am not and never can be. You are part of what I have been seeking for so long, the answer to many of my questions."

His grip tightens again, but you don't have the strength to even whimper. Breaths intermingle at how close the two of you are. It is a line you never dared to cross, an invisible boundary of personal space that even Chrollo begrudgingly respected. But now, as his fingers tighten around your shoulders in a bruising grip and eyes bore into yours, you realise that there are parts of his mind you will never understand.

"Other people never appreciated you. They never saw you as anything worthwhile, but they were wrong. They will never know how foolish they were. Only I can appreciate you, see you for what you are worth. I have always coveted you as you are and never demanded you to change any aspect of yourself."

Memories of your inadequacies flood back in, demands to change yourself in return for relationships and opportunities. It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and only further proves Chrollo's point.

"Those imbeciles will never know what a treasure they rejected."

#chrollo x reader #yandere chrollo #chrollo lucifer x reader #yandere chrollo x reader #hunter x hunter x reader #this is a setting i would LOVE to expand on aaaaaaaaaa ill make a separate post on it soon #chrollo brainrot

[gaysails]

"If low-wage workers do not always behave in an economically rational way, that is, as free agents within a capitalist democracy, it is because they dwell in a place that is neither free nor in any way democratic. When you enter the low-wage workplace – and many of the medium-wage workplaces as well – you check your civil liberties at the door, leave America and all it supposedly stands for behind, and learn to zip your lips for the duration of the shift. The consequences of this routine surrender go beyond the issues of wages and poverty. We can hardly pride ourselves on being the world's preeminent democracy, after all, if large numbers of citizens spend half their waking hours in what amounts, in plain terms, to a dictatorship. . . My guess is that the indignities imposed on so many low-wage workers – the drug tests, the constant surveillance, being 'reamed out' by managers – are part of what keeps wages low. If you're made to feel unworthy enough, you may come to think that what you're paid is what you are actually worth. It is hard to imagine any other function for workplace authoritarianism. Managers may truly believe that, without their unremitting efforts, all work would quickly grind to a halt. That is not my impression. While I encountered some cynics and plenty of people who had learned how to budget their energy, I never met an actual slacker [. . .] On the contrary, I was amazed and sometimes saddened by the pride people took in jobs that rewarded them so meagerly, either in wages or in recognition. Often, in fact, these people experienced management as an obstacle to getting the job done as it should be done. Waitresses chafed at managers' stinginess toward the customers; housecleaners resented the time constraints that sometimes made them cut corners; retail workers wanted the floor to be beautiful, not cluttered with excess stock as management required. Left to themselves, they devised systems of cooperation and work sharing; when there was a crisis, they rose to it. In fact, it was often hard to see what the function of management was, other than to exact obeisance. There seems to be a vicious cycle at work here, making ours not just an economy but a culture of extreme inequality. [Corporate decision makers and entrepreneurs] occupy an economic position miles above that of the underpaid people whose labor they depend on. For reasons that have more to do with class – and often racial – prejudice than with actual experience, they tend to fear and distrust the category of people from which they recruit their workers. Hence the perceived need for repressive management and intrusive measures like drug and personality testing. But these things cost money – $20,000 or more a year for a manager, $100 a pop for a drug test, and so on – and the high cost of repression results in ever more pressure to hold wages down. The larger society seems to be caught up in a similar cycle: cutting public services for the poor, which are sometimes referred to collectively as the 'social wage,' while investing ever more heavily in prisons and cops. And in the larger society, too, the cost of repression becomes another factor weighing against the expansion or restoration of needed services. It is a tragic cycle, condemning us to ever deeper inequality, and in the long run, almost no one benefits but the agents of repression themselves."

-Barbara Ehrenreich, Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America

#words #finally finished this book. bleak how it was published in 2001 and everything is worse now lmao

[elficially-done-with-life]

A Hug To Make You Whole Again

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Pairing: Maedhros x Reader

Summary: Maedhros confesses his love to you but doesn't expect you to return the feeling.

Warnings: A bit of self doubt, but apart from that it's more on the fluffy side

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Maedhros was more than nervous when he found himself in front of your door, as he had planned to confess his feelings to you that day.

The weight of his emotions weighted heavily on his shoulders, and his heart pounded loudly in his chest. For a long time now, he had harbored this love for you, but insecurity had held him back from expressing it.

Maedhros knew he had done a lot of things wrong which was why he knew that he was unworthy of your affection.

And not only that. He wasn't the most beautiful elf either. Not with all his scars and his missing hand. He wasn't good enough for someone like you.

But over time he had realized that he couldn't deny his feelings any longer. He believed that you deserved to know the truth, to understand his emotions toward you. With a deep breath, he finally found the courage to knock softly on your door, his hand trembling slightly.

When you opened the door, Maedhros was struck once again by your undeniable beauty.

He couldn't really understand how you couldn't see you the way he did. You once told him that you thought of yourself as rather plain. But Maedhros thought of you as more than stunning. Your eyes, so kind and gentle, seemed to sparkle light. And when you smiled, it was as if the world around him faded away, leaving only the two of you in that moment.

"I wanted to tell you something," Maedhros finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. He lowered his gaze a little. Being around you had always made him feel shy, but in a way that he secretly enjoyed. It reminded him of the simpler days, when everything felt easier. And only you could make him feel that way.

You smiled at him, as you often did. He was happy about that as every smile of you made his day a little brighter. It was a smile that seemed to radiate genuine happiness, making Maedhros feel special.

"You know you can tell me everything," you replied softly, your fingers gently tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. He had observed that you often did that when you where nervous of excited and found it endearing.

Taking a deep breath, Maedhros continued, wanting to express himself fully. "First of all, I want you to know that I'm telling you this without expecting anything in return. I don't want you to feel pressured or obligated to respond a certain way. If you do not want to talk about it afterwards or if you feel a differently way about this, than that is completely okay. All I want is for you to be happy," he explained, his voice sounding very serious.

Maedhros hesitated, his hand hovering in the air, wanting to reach out and touch yours. But he held himself back, not wanting to overstep any boundaries or make you uncomfortable.

To his surprise, you reached for his hand instead, as if you had felt that he wasn't so sure about himself at the moment. As if you could look right through him.

He looked up, because he wanted to look you in the eyes while saying it. "I love you." His voice was really soft while he said that, "I only wanted you to know that. I know you do not have the same feelings for me, but- "

"Who said I do not have the same feelings for you?" You interrupted him and then your cheeks got a little pink. Maedhros smiled a little at that. You were really cute.

It took a while until he had fully realized what you had just said. He knew that there had been a possibility for you to feel the same but he had been sure that that would most likely not happen.

He opened his mouth, without really being sure about what he wanted to say next, but luckily you were faster than him and said, really quietly, "Because I do feel the same."

Then it was quiet between the two of you for a short while. But you never let go of his hand.

"Can I hug you?" You asked softly into the silence and Maedhros felt his heart turn soft.

He nodded, a small smile playing on his lips, as he welcomed your embrace.

As you gently wrapped your arms around his middle. He liked the feeling of warmth that your body brought as it pressed against his. He couldn't help but notice the stark contrast in size between the two of you. It was as if you were made to fit perfectly into his embrace, your head resting against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Maedhros slowly returned the hug, wrapping his strong arms around you and pulling you closer. He was still mostly in shock that you would really return his feelings.

As he held you close, Maedhros closed his eyes, savoring the tranquility that enveloped him. It was a feeling he had long forgotten, lost amidst the chaos and turmoil of his past. But now, in your arms, he rediscovered a sense of peace and contentment that he had yearned for but thought that he had forever lost it.

#maedhros x reader #maedhros #maitimo #tolkien #tolkien x reader #x reader #silmarillion x reader #silmarillion

[dilatorywriting]

If you ever feel stupid or unworthy of your aspirations, please know that I am going to be a literal doctor. And today when we were driving to a farm call the vet I was with handed me her lunch bag, which I assumed was just a plain ol' bag she was passing off to me because I looked carsick off my ass. And which I immediately barfed into. With her lunch still inside. And after realizing, then went "oh my god I'm so sorry" and went to hand it back to her.

If someone like me can have a license to do surgery and handle illicit drugs, you can do anything

#Rambles #What A Time To Be Alive #Just getting over crypto and immediately need to be A Different Dilemma #Called myself “The Problem Child” before we left and everyone laughed #No one was laughing after the Barf Bag

[lamprophonia]

》 [ yandere!Musician. ] 《

character intro. masterlist.

yan!musician x gn!reader: yandere alphabet. 2405 words. reader referred to as 'you'. cw for general yandere behavior — stalking, abduction, etc.

DO NOT USE OR REPOST MY WRITING ANYWHERE.

☆ A IS FOR AFFECTION. how do they show their love and affection? how intense would it get?

amir's main way of showing affection would be to start involving you in literally everything he does. he'd have the two of you attached at the hip in no time. boring meetings, random errands, lunch, events; he has a busy schedule, and although he makes plenty of time for you — as much as he can — he really wishes you could be around all the time.

and, of course, as he includes you in everything he does, that extends to his music. he considers you his biggest source of inspiration. outside of writing you songs, entire albums, if you'd like, he would absolutely adore being given the chance to serenade you.

☆ B IS FOR BLOOD. how messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

amir isn't a very violent person. he doesn't want to be aggressive or do anything that would make him unworthy of your affection; he feels too manipulative at even suggesting you stop hanging out with someone because he doesn't like them. he might develop some brutal urges towards other people after developing and obsession with you, but he doesn't have any desire to give into them; hell, he'd find them shameful.

☆ C IS FOR CRUELTY. how would they treat their darling once abducted? would they mock them?

amir would probably never abduct you, but even if he's brought to the brink and snaps, absolutely not. would never be cruel to you and would be apologetic about the entire ordeal.

☆ D IS FOR DARLING. aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling's will?

again, he would never want to abduct you, so this is just another plain no. the worst he'd do is drag you to a party or gig you're not hyped about, and even then, you can most definitely convince him to leave you at home. you'll just be getting spammed with 'this would be much more fun if you were here :(' texts.

☆ E IS FOR EXPOSED. how much of their heart do they bare to their darling? how vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

amir would be open about how intense his feelings for you are — hell, he might even refer to it as obsession — but he'd be very good at dressing it up in layer of metaphors, fancy words, and similes, making it sound less like an admission of something ultimately toxic and more like a confession of undying devotion. generally emotionally open when it comes to his emotions, especially the ones directed at you.

☆ F IS FOR FIGHT. how would they feel if their darling fought back?

absolutely heartbroken. amir would take it in stride if you weren't into any of his romantic advances, but inside, his world would be crumbling and falling apart at the seams.

at that point, he wouldn't immediately move to the point of abduction, but he would most definitely do everything in his power to keep you around as a friend, an acquaintance, an employee, even — whatever. he formed a creative dependency on you long before confessing; by the time you get a chance to reject him, the idea of being apart from you is already unbearable.

☆ G IS FOR GAME. is this a game to them? how much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

amir would probably be mildly offended and hurt at the idea that this is a game for him. he considers the two of you soulmates, and he is serious about that.

same as with you rejecting him, amir would be absolutely heartbroken at you trying to leave him. that's probably where he would let the worst of his obsession shine through, trying to do anything to get you to stay.

what do you want from him? why are you leaving? is it money? has he not been spending enough time with you? is it something else? just tell him the problem, please, so he can fix it. he needs to fix it. the idea that there is no problem he can fix — maybe you just plain lost feelings or it's something else completely outside of his control — is his worst nightmare.

☆ H IS FOR HELL. what would be their darling's worst experience with them?

amir would, as opposed to leon, for example, be unwilling to let you see how life is without him. he would be around you at all times, and it would get smothering. you are the most important person in his life — he updates you on practically everything he does, every event in his schedule, every butterfly he saw that reminded him of you, for some fucking reason; everything.

and he'd expect you to do the same.

he wouldn't get angry if you didn't, though — this man quite literally believes you have never made a mistake in your life — he would just think that he's done something wrong, which in turn leads him to doing things more.

more gifts, more texts, more dates, gifts, flowers, updates; clearly, there's a problem here somewhere that he needs to fix. amir would never actually ask you if something was up; he'd just assume that there was, and that it's his job to find out what it is — most likely via following you around without your knowledge — and proceeding to absolutely smother you in affection until it fixes itself.

when does he determine that the issue is fixed? who fucking knows. even amir himself probably doesn't. until whenever that is, he will simply get more and more and more overbearing until even the act of you leaving after hanging out with him would send him into an obsessive spiral.

☆ I IS FOR IDEALS. what kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

amir didn't really have a clear path for an ideal future; he was propelled into stardom without much preparation, and although he has some vague goals related to his music he wants to achieve, nothing is quite set in stone yet — or at least it wasn't until he met you.

now, those goals are still there, but you have overshadowed every single one of them. he only hopes to spend as much time as possible with you. absolutely willing to prioritize you over his work if it gets in the way of that.

if you said you always dreamt of getting married and having kids, he'd start looking for engagement rings and through lists of baby names. if you didn't want that, then he'd be perfectly content to just keep your relationship as is. despite the lack of clear ideas, amir is honestly excited for every new day when he's with you.

as long as you'll be there, he'll be happy. he's absolutely sure of that.

☆ J IS FOR JEALOUSY. do they get jealous? do they lash out or find a way to cope?

amir gets jealous; much more than he'd be willing to admit. he realizes it's unhealthy and desperately tries to keep it at bay, but seeing you — so perfect, a literal angel on earth — give your attention to anyone but him hurts.

he knows it shouldn't — you're a free person, you can do whatever you want, and he respects that — but he feels like he's getting stabbed whenever he sees you be even the slightest bit affectionate towards somebody else.

amir copes, though, realizing lashing out would probably be the last thing you want from him. he'd hate to upset you — he wants to be worthy of your presence, your love, after all. just don't be surprised if he suddenly starts getting a lot more affectionate than usual after you exchange a hug or some smiles with someone else. even if they were just a friend.

☆ K IS FOR KISSES. how do they act around or with their darling?

incredibly affectionate. amir looks at you like you're a masterpiece, in or out of conversation. he has a tendency to go silent, just listening to every syllable that leaves your lips intently; this combined with the absent-minded staring sometimes makes it look like he's not listening at all.

that couldn't be farther from the truth, though. he learns and remembers every little detail about you, your hobbies, your favorite things in the world; storing it for later, for whenever there's the opportunity to gift you little trinkets and send you things that reminded him of you.

his hands are almost always on you in some way. holding yours fully or just keeping your pinkies interlocked, resting his chin on your head or your shoulder, wrapping an arm around your waist or shoulder. anything to keep you close. sucker for kisses on the cheek or temple, tiny little tokens of affection.

generally, amir is always trying to do more for you. he wants to prove he's worthy of your affection.

☆ L IS FOR LOVE LETTERS. how would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

after meeting you, amir will slowly but surely make his way into your life. sending you texts, reminders, anything that reminds him of you, until his presence is a constant in the back of your head. talking to you has become a step of his routine, sending you things over morning coffee or updating you during his lunch break.

whenever he's back from tour, he also makes sure to involve you in his plans. come hang out while he writes song lyrics, grab coffee with him when he's leaving the studio, or maybe be his plus one to a music festival he's been waiting for for months; any time spent with you is time well spent in his book.

by the time he asks you out on a proper date, it's not a surprise to you or anyone else around. he'll make sure it'll be a familiar and casual experience, wanting it to feel as comfortable for you as possible.

☆ M IS FOR MASK. are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

not really. amir is just honestly a pretty sweet person. he's got a mild-to-severe obsession that makes him extra affectionate to you, sure, but he is also just... genuinely nice to those around him. even his obsession comes from a sincere belief that the two of you are soulmates. meant to be.

☆ N IS FOR NAUGHTY. how would they punish their darling?

amir unironically believes you can do no wrong, so he straight up wouldn't. he is much more likely to believe that any coldness from your side is a result of some mistake that he's made, and he will quickly go into problem-solving mode. the mere idea of hurting you hurts him. he absolutely can not stomach it.

☆ O IS FOR OPPRESSION. how many rights would they take away from their darling?

none.

if amir ever got to the point of going completely off the rails and abducting you, he would do so with a heavy heart and be incredibly apologetic about it the entire time. he would want to take as little away from you as possible, trying to prove himself worthy of your grace, even then.

☆ P IS FOR PATIENCE. how patient are they with their darling?

amir would wait a few weeks before asking you out. he would spend around two or three months just cementing himself as someone in your life, as an option — a good option. the best, in fact. he wouldn't hide the fact he's interested in you romantically, but he'd take some time before asking you out immediately.

☆ Q IS FOR QUIT. if their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

any of those options would break amir beyond repair. if you left him romantically, he would fight for you to stay platonically as best he could. he's dedicated his life to you, whether that be reciprocated or not. he wouldn't ever find anyone else, though, and would probably be open about the fact that that's because he cannot find it in himself to get over you.

your death would be one of the worst things that amir could ever imagine. the idea of a life spent without you in any capacity is unbearable. it's his worst fear — a problem he can't fix, an issue completely out of his control. he can not confront the idea of doing everything right and still losing you.

☆ R IS FOR REGRET. would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? would they ever let their darling go?

absolutely yes and probably yes. it would take something giant for amir to snap and abduct you, and he would do so with an aching heart and constant whispers of apologies. if you can wear him down and play — or just genuinely be miserable enough, he would probably let you go quite easily.

☆ S IS FOR STIGMA. what brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

blind delusion.

☆ T IS FOR TEARS. how do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

amir would immediately go into problem-solving mode. probably not your guy when it comes to emotional support — won't really give you the time to collect and compose yourself before asking a barrage of questions about what the issue is — but to his credit, you can see he is absolutely trying to help.

seeing you in pain, screaming or crying, hurts him worse than he could ever express.

isolating yourself is not really any different, other than the fact that it will make him clingier than ever before, if you even thought that possible. the harder you push yourself away, the tighter he pulls you closer.

☆ U IS FOR UNIQUE. would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

amir's incredibly soft for a yandere... and in general. detests the idea of abducting or hurting you — physically or emotionally. he already feels more guilty than he'd ever care to admit about stalking, although he's able to excuse it with the fact he genuinely believes the two of you are soulmates.

☆ V IS FOR VICE. what weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

it would be all too easy to use amir's immense guilt to escape if he ever abducted you. he hates, hates, hates hurting you, and there's only so far his justifications can go.

hell, you wouldn't have to do much — just looking sufficiently miserable would be enough to break down his excuses one by one, slowly but surely, but if you added... literally anything on top of that, he would break even faster.

telling him about how miserable he made you, telling him you hate him, or going the opposite route and trying to apologise to him for 'having to do this' — your words cut deeper than any knife could ever hope to. whatever route you choose to go with, he will fold eventually.

☆ W IS FOR WIT'S END. would they ever hurt their darling?

again, never. the very idea of you being hurt by anyone — worse, by him — makes his stomach churn.

☆ X IS FOR XOANON. how much would they revere or worship their darling? to what length would they go to win their darling over?

oh, amir is absolutely the reverent type. he considers you perfect, an angel or some kind of deity sent down to earth. as mentioned time and time again above, in his eyes, you can do no wrong.

he doesn't know who he has to thank for sending you down to meet him, but either way, you came into his life, and since then, he's been dedicated to winning your favor. since you've graced him with your presence, he wants to prove himself worthy of you, and he would do absolutely anything to achieve that.

☆ Y IS FOR YEARN. how long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

amir probably wouldn't ever feel the need to take and restrict his darling. it would take something big to make him snap. like, actually giant — you'd have to actually break his trust in some fundamental manner for him to even consider abducting you. it would be the reaction of someone not only completely lost in their obsession but also of someone who feels they've been pushed up against the wall.

☆ Z IS FOR ZENITH. would they ever break their darling?

if amir ever did end up breaking his darling, he would break himself in the process. the realization he caused something like that — that he destroyed the mind of the one person he loves more than anyone and anything else — would destroy him. the idea is unthinkable to him, and he'd avoid it at all costs.

#🎤 // a. saba #writing #yandere oc #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #yandere x you #yandere x darling

[oh-for-fic-sake-library]

Vader kink headcannon

My thoughts on vader and his kinks. They might surprise you?

Warnings: kink talk, smut talk

The fact he can do anything to his lover just gets him going. After living such a restrictive life having the freedom to release his frustration in such a way made his blood sing!

His partner being unable to overcome him despite the restrictions of his suit makes him feel alive. It feeds his ego. And to be honest it does give him a litttle boost. He struggles to accept himself now, he sees himself as this crippled monster unworthy of anything good or pleasurable.

Fear is a turn on for him. He doesnt want you terrified but a spike of primal fear is a delicious treat. He can practically smell it and it smells divine.

Speaking of primal did someone say Primal kink? this man enjoys the hunt, he is a predator and his partner is prey. plain and simple.

Yes he will chase you across the ship. And no you wont have any say in the matter. Theres no discussion, no bartering. He will approch you at any given time and utter 'run' and you know what?

You fucking run. Because its darth vader, and he is not playing around.

He is kind enough to give you a headstart though. He'll remain for a few moments before giving in to the hunt and begin the pursuit.

Its not just the chase that has him excited though, its the thrill of the capture.

He uses his immense strength to manhandle your and he isnt apologising for it.

He never holds back, not when you give in to your delicious fear and panic, clawing at him to try and free yourself, its delicious.

Has he accidentally broken your wrist whislt capturing and pinning you down? Yes. Does he regret it? No. It comes with the territory.

Though he did make sure you worked along side him when you were recovering.

And he did keep you supplied with more then your fair share of pain medication.

Tears. He loves seeing you cry, whats the point in fucking you if he isnt reducing you to tears?

He craves seeing the sweet droplets decorating his armour weave. Theres a beauty in the sweet release of your tears.

Choking is a double edged sword for him, on the one hand he does enjoy the shades of red and purple you turn. The way your moans become strained and the desperate scratching at his hands, pitiful tiny fists pounding at him as you panic.

It all blends together, feeding into the slight size kink he has. And obviously the power dynamics on the relationship.

But he also finds himself becoming somewhat disturbed when actually ending the life of some useless officer. Because it stirs something in him, not quite arousal. But? He finds himself compareing the noises, the gasps and mewls.

And that is what arouses him, when the sounds of your own whimpering breathless moans echo inside his mind. Igniting his desire. And he cant ignore it

Afterwards he always needs to hunt down his little fuck toy and enjoy himself.

A leather kink is a strange one for him; it was unexpected he hates his suit. Loathes it.

But the way the leather glistened with you cum and tears always gave him a wicked smile. Evidence of your rapture was always something he craved.

Not that he never left marks on you, because he did. But staining his suit with your scent was something he looked forward to.

Titles. Fuck yes. He craves the way you beg him so sweetly, calling him your lord and master.

Basically anything that acknowledges him as your superior drives him wild.

He is just? Beastly, possesive and raw. Hexd spent too long being contained. He is just so unapologetically brutal when fucking.

He is possesive to a fault and loves sending you to work with his cum leaking from you. The thought of you having to work along side all those other lesser males smothered in his cum leaves him satisfied.

#darth vader x reader #darth vader imagine #star wars darth vader #oh for fic sake headcannon #darth vader x you #darth vader headcannon #darth vader

[11queensupreme11]

how would ror poseidon deal with the fact that percy's mom had a whole ass god but ended up choosing to continue to create a life with a mortal (Paul)? also what is his opinion of estelle knowing it's percy's lil sis? does he view her extremely negativity bc of her position or is it just the same disgust he feels with all mortals?

his already negative opinions about her are gonna get even lower 😭😭😭😭😭

he's already judging his counterparts taste in partners because a human???? she's not even good looking! she's average, plain, boring, and worthless in his eyes.

AND THE FACT THAT THE HUMAN DECIDED TO REPLACE PJO!POSEIDON WITH A HUMAN (he sees it as replacement and not just... simply moving on)

he would be soooo offended that sally choose to replace a god with some HUMAN. and the fact that his daughter was being raised by not one, but TWO HUMANS NOW???

he has a very very VERY low opinion on humans (im pretty sure he's canonically the biggest hater in ror too 😭😭), his opinion on sally is even lower and this just makes it worse. paul can join her and so can estelle. he hates humans, but he hates THEM especially because not only are they unworthy of being percy's family, but they're holding her back (in his eyes)

#👸🏻| asks #👸🏻| arsenic blues

[dustzvacuumcleaner]

Introducing u guys to: Gore Vidal Lincoln

Seward feeling jilted as a great beauty abandoned at the altar by a plain and unworthy man while carefully listening to Lincoln’s change on his edition of the inaugural speech

TITTIES

Just Charles Sumner being Charles Sumner.

Blair BARK (I’m sorry I laughed at this

Chase being a nervous creepy girlfailure (no

And so much more.

#Lincoln-gore vidal #cmon this is awesome #gore vidal never disappointed us #19th century rpf #american civil war #acw

[onemustalwaysbecarefulofbooks]

My Problem with SJM

I’ve been reading Sarah’s books for about 7 years now. There are things I genuinely love about them. I’m not going to sit here and trash every single thing about them or shit all over her as an author. Her books have brought me a lot enjoyment and credit is due where it’s due.

However, if you asked me, point blank, “What do you think of Sarah as an author?” I’d probably sit there on the verge of an aneurysm because I genuinely don’t know how to answer this question.

As much as I enjoy reading her books and genuinely love parts of them, I’ve been growing more frustrated with them over time. This kind of all came to a head in reading ACOFAS and ACOSF. I used to think that these were mostly isolated little incidents involving random different characters. I used to think it was about Chaol, or Tamlin, or Lucien, or Nesta. I’ve come to realize that it’s really not. It’s about Sarah herself and the bizarre way she has chosen to portray her characters.

Every single one of Sarah’s characters do bad things. ALL OF THEM. There is not a single significant character she has written in any book who has not done something shady, or morally gray, or wrong, or hurtful, or whatever. I seriously challenge you to try and find me a character who has not. This is completely normal and understandable!!! No one wants to read about a perfect and utterly flawless character. It makes them uninteresting and unrelatable. ALL good books should feature nuanced characters.

The issue I have is this: while every single character in her writing does bad things, only SOME characters are DEFINED by these bad things. No matter what else they do or say, they are deemed an irredeemable piece of shit who will never deserve anything good. Even if other characters aren’t openly hostile towards them anymore, the narrative will always find a way to subtly remind us all that these are “bad” people who did bad things to others. Any criticism they receive is justified and right. It does not matter how many good and/or heroic deeds are carried out by these characters. Often times these very characters will end up expressing how awful and unworthy they are, either internally or to other characters.

At the same time, there are other characters who do equally bad things (if not worse or significantly worse!!!!!) and have every single one blatantly ignored or explained and justified by the narrative or other characters. They are treated in the exact OPPOSITE way. No matter what they do, they are right. No matter how hypocritical, cruel, or just plain wrong they are, it will never ever be acknowledged by anyone. They will never be made to hold an ounce of responsibility for any of it. Other characters, themselves, and the narrative will turn an absolute blind eye to any wrongdoing and will gush and fawn over them instead.

This would be enough to be incredibly frustrating. But it doesn’t end here!!

Not only will these special select characters have every single blatant wrongdoing ignored, they will also walk around smugly judging the characters who are less fortunate (aka less favored by the author). Despite the majorly shady acts of their own, they will walk around highlighting all the bad things others have done while self-righteously proclaiming their own moral superiority. The narrative and the thoughts and words of other characters will support this. Sarah will beat you over the head with it. An opportunity will never be lost to tell us (not necessarily SHOW us) what a morally good person they are in comparison to someone else.

It honestly makes me feel kind of insane when I’m reading it. It makes me stop and sit there and wrack my brain going, “Does Sarah know she is doing this????” Does she realize she is a giant hypocrite of a writer?? Does she know she makes giant hypocrites of her characters?? It’s honestly hilarious to me because in writing the way she does, she takes the characters who she clearly wants me to adore and favor and makes me end up hating them and makes me end up rooting for the characters who she clearly wants me to dislike. I never liked Chaol until I read Queen of Shadows, when he is irrationally blamed for every one of Aelin’s problems. I was never really that invested in Lucien until he started to get shit on by absolutely everyone in the Inner Circle. I was never a Nesta stan until I read ACOSF, where she is bullied and mistreated by her “family” and gaslighted into thinking that they are right and she is deserving of all they say and do to her. I never had any true passionate feelings about Tamlin until he became a personal punching bag for every single character in ACOTAR, despite the majorly important good things he does that everyone ignores. It blows my mind how Sarah seems to fail to realize that the people walking around with a Holier-Than-Thou Attitude toward these people have a laundry list of majorly questionable actions of their own that never gets addressed.

In short, Sarah essentially self-sabotages as an author and I don’t understand it. You wouldn’t see me and tons of other people posting essays with word counts in the thousands defending the actions of certain characters so strongly and passionately if her little favorites were made to hold even the tiniest bit of accountability over their own wrongdoings and weren’t crapping all over the less favored. It makes her faves come across as the stereotypical “favorite child” in a family who everyone secretly resents and rolls their eyes at. If you’re going to have characters who constantly judge and scorn others for their perceived wrongdoings, it would be smart to give them a spotless and crystal clear record themselves. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

No one enjoys reading about hypocrites, Sarah. Gain some self awareness and start holding ALL characters to the same standards and accountability.

#sarah j maas #sjm #sjm critical #tog #throne of glass #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #chaol westfall #tower of dawn #nesta archeron #pro nesta #lucien vanserra #pro lucien #tamlin #anti ic #anti feysand