#im gonna put this under a read more when i get home im on mobile rn and cant do it akfkakdk

[sunrayretriever]

ok so im gonna put this one under a read more since its just my thoughts and not actually like. safety information that everyone should know (again nobody is obligated to read especially this because its fucking long and just a heads up im gonna get kinda gruesome so :\ but if u read all the way thru then u are a real one and i wanna kiss u sloppy style

meyah okay so. follower, come here im gonna tell u something. im not a professional. im not a meteorologist. all of my research and information is found online and by myself. but i have seen the damage that the earth inflicts on us. it is not an act of god, and i really dont care for when people say 'mother nature is pissed'. this is real. this is real life. the damage done to people is real. lives are torn apart. entire families are wiped away with the debris of their poorly constructed homes. if you survive, theres a million different ways you could be injured, and not just physically. the trauma, the grief, the emotional pain of losing not only lives but your home, your business, your car, your pets, your livestock, your city's infrastructure, your community... to lose it all is something that makes me choke up just thinking about..

ive seen videos of people huddled in shelters above ground screaming and crying and praying and the sound of wind and glass crashing and debris flying and sirens going off is pure horror.

something even more terrifying is videos of people STANDING NEAR WINDOWS AND GLASS DOORS AND EVEN OUTSIDE during tornadoes. glass nails 2x4s bricks furniture cars. they become bullets in those winds. wood can get embedded in telephone poles. do you know how incredible that is? its hard for even me to believe!!! and here in the united states IT HAPPENS PRETTY OFTEN!!

cw im about to show u destroyed houses!! click away now if u dont wanna see but i really wanna show anyone who DOES wanna know abt the damage these fuckers cause!!!

so i want you to imagine here. this is your neighborhood. let's say we have an EF5, the most intense a tornado can get. now, a tornado can be rated an EF5, but that doesn't mean it does EF5 level damage THE WHOLE WAY. shall we take a look at how your neighbors houses fared?

mmkay so here we have EF0 level damage. about 35-40% of the tornadoes in the united states are rated this level.

not too bad! shingles are replaceable!

as we go on we pass by a house with EF1 level damage.

whoa! 35% of tornadoes in the US are this level!! but it's JUST the framing of the roof, right? thank goodness the house stayed mainly intact! hopefully everyone followed their safety plan and got to shelter right away!

looks like the house a couple miles down got hit with EF2 level damage.. their entire roof was blown right off, exposing the whole house and everything in it to rain, hail, wind and debris from the tornado... but its just the roof, right? i mean, only between 15-19% of tornadoes get this strong...

EF3 level damage. 6% of tornadoes are this level. everything but some walls and the roof were destroyed. where will that family live now? who's going to help them clean up?

EF4 level damage. almost all above-ground structures are vulnerable to a tornado of this strength. this was a well-built, permanent home. look at how the tree snapped. these winds can uproot the entire thing. thats a 4ft+ tall projectile. thank god only about 1.1% of tornadoes in the US are this strong... but what could be stronger than that?

EF5 level damage. 0.1% tornadoes are this strength. the last one on record was in 2013, moore oklahoma. it destroys virtually everything in its path, and can rip people out of their basements if their door isnt reinforced. the memories from that home are gone. completely gone. there are appliances and vehicles that were never found from tornadoes this intense.

and these are well anchored, permanent houses. mobile homes were destroyed and twisted back in the EF2 level. anything above that turns them into smithereens. lost to the mercy of the winds.

"so james," you say my lovely follower, "what's the whole takeaway from this? what's the point?"

and i grab your hand very gently. and i look you in the eyes. autism be damned, we are locking eyes. and i ask you this:

what if it was you? would you know what to do? are you weather aware? do you have a plan on where to go when your towns tornado sirens go off? does your own even HAVE tornado sirens? what about your pets? the people you love? do they know?

for a while i felt bad for.. trying to spread this around. i felt like i was being a downer. i dont know why but it felt taboo to talk about... i dont know if it makes people uncomfortable or scared but.. it needs to be talked about. we cannot stop the weather from doing this but we can make sure we're safe. we can keep ourselves safe.

i don't want you to be afraid of these storms. i know plenty of people who have a fear of severe weather. fuck, for the first 23 years of my life i was one of them! when the tornado sirens would go off, even for a routine test, my stomach would turn and i would panic. after the 2022 december tornado outbreak, i was watching the news and i heard about the damage caused. i thought 'what in the world could do something so devastating?' and i think it changed my life forever. i went from fearing them to ACTIVELY WANTING TO SEEK THEM OUT. and not only is everything about weather fucking awesome, i know how to keep myself and everyone i care about safe. i can tell my dad when to get ready to go to the shelter before the sirens go off. i can check the radar and tell my friends in other states how big the hail is gonna be before it even gets there.

and it.. really wasn't hard. even a basic sense of weather safety can help. knowing myths from facts helps EVEN MORE!

the earth is so beautiful, my friend. a tornado swirling around in a desolated field in kansas is something that even in video takes my breath away. when it rains, i run outside to see the rainbow that usually forms afterward.

but with this beauty comes a price.

[this-should-do]

Before i get into everything, I want to preface this with the fact that I wrote this in one sitting starting at 9 and ending at 1:40. It is long (so very long, approx. 2.2k words) and rambling, it is largely unedited except for spelling and grammar and I refuse to read it over, and my eyes are burning. @portal2divorce , I hope this is what you wanted when you left that looking emoji on the post where i mentioned wanting to write about my thoughts on barney and his relationship with gordon and how it changes after the rescas and hl2.

Anyways barney is a bitter old man who I want to learn to be a little less bitter and heal in the end because, if I may borrow phrasing from that one captain America/bucky fic I’m sure were all vaguely familiar with, these fuckers deserve a softer epilogue.

I will also be putting this under a read more becuz i remember that those exist now and im on the web instead of mobile rn becuz i wrote this all in word cuz i knew it was gonna be so long, so i can do that

So firstly, before we can address how the rescas changes barney’s relationship with Gordon, its important to just clarify that I feel that barney and Gordon were very close, whether as friends or as romantic partners, doesn’t matter which, what’s important is that they were so very close.

And with that clarified we can get into post-rescas stuff which will be helpfully separated into pre and post hl2

Pre-hl2:

So, the first time that barney has to deal with Gordon’s death is, as I’m sure were all aware, when he sees the military dragging Gordon at the end of blue shift, so he get to start the grieving process soon after that as he’s escapes black mesa soon after that. And he gets to go through the early stages of grief for the next few weeks, at which point I think he meets up with Kleiner, (who I have come to headcanon as managing to make it to the lambda labs before Gordon got there), who informs barney of the last time he saw Gordon, which for a few seconds gives barney hope that Gordon’s still alive before being smacked in the face with the fact that Gordon hasn’t been seen since. This starts his grieving process all over again, despite Kleiner trying to comfort him with the idea that Gordon hasn’t been confirmed to be dead (I also feel that Kleiner never truly makes it past the denial stage of grieving Gordon, which later becomes a point of contention between barney and Kleiner.)

As the years go on, but before Gordon truly becomes the semi-mythological figure who’s prophesied to come back, barney ends up spending most of his time bouncing between depression and anger about Gordon disappearing. Depressed that he couldn’t help Gordon (even though it was out of his control,) that Gordon presumably sacrificed himself to save the world, and just depressed that Gordon’s gone, his best friend (and possibly partner if you are fond of that ship) is gone. But he’s also angry that the world took Gordon away, that the other scientists (and Kleiner) sent him alone to certain death and they (Kleiner) won’t even admit that’s what they did, that they were too cowardly to even try to help him in the border world.

Eventually his anger ends up mutating and turns to Gordon. He’s angry that Gordon supposedly did all these great things but couldn’t even be bothered to come home, to come back to barney. He’s angry at Gordon for letting barney think he was dead when he saw him before escaping black mesa. He’s angry that Gordon made himself such a staple in barney’s life and had the gall to just disappear and not even have the courtesy to confirm that he’s dead, even though barney knows for sure that he’s dead, because he knows Gordon would come back if he could. He’s angry at Gordon even though he knows its unfair to expect al these things from Gordon, who he knows is just a person who was expected to save the world by himself but still managed to do so. Gordon was the victim, he shouldn’t be angry at him, but he wasn’t sure who to be angry with. The world wasn’t some conscious being. He couldn’t continue to blame fate. And even though he was angry at Kleiner for having sent Gordon to do that with such unrealistic expectations, he didn’t have room to talk when he expected Gordon to be able to come back from there. All that he had was to be angry at Gordon who was at the center of it all, he was the one who had ended the world and saved it, saved everyone but himself, and then ended the world all over again by not doing so. At least to barney.

Eventually barney stops being angry, and learns to live with the depression, which can’t really go away given the worlds state, and he’s almost ready to fully accept Gordon’s death. But its by this point that Gordon’s starting to have a mythos around him and have a Jesus second coming type prophesy courtesy of the vortigaunts. And he’s angry again. Angry that the world just won’t let Gordon rest, he already died for everyone once and now they want him to come back and do it all over again. They barely even recognize that he’s a person, almost exclusively referring to Gordon as Freeman; Freeman who killed and killed and saved and killed again. Freeman who didn’t really die, he’s just off somewhere else. He certainly tried his best to humanize Gordon, he tells stories about every stupid human thing Gordon ever did. It never really works though, the stories just further the mythos add fuel to the flames. He also tried to express his disbelief that Gordons dead, and he’s not going to come back, but nobody believes him and it makes them upset. He learns to leave it be, even if it hurts to hear it all, its not his right to try to take away others hope.

After years of hearing people talk about Gordon coming back he almost hopes its true. He tried to stamp down that hope before it can hurt him when it never comes reality. It never really works but he’s also realistic that it won’t happen, but it’s a nice thought. He knows Gordon’s dead and has accepted it. He can go long periods of time without truly thinking about Gordon now, even if when he does it’s through a rose-tinted lens, he barely remembers how Gordon really was, only that he was good and kind, forgetting how standoffish and frustratingly stubborn he could be, and forgets how rough every flaw Gordon ever had could be. It was all smoothened by time and distilled into the perfect memory of a time before the combine. He’s glad Gordon’s gone and that he doesn’t have to experience the world as it is now. But he’s also still so bitter about what happened to him, its just softer now and he can’t afford constantly thinking about it while he’s working as a spy in the CP.

Post HL2:

Gordon shows up at the station and barney thinks he’s finally snapped after over a decade of being a spy for the resistance and 2 decades of combine occupation. Disregarding the canon first meeting because it feels unrealistic, barney is in a major crisis, though he’s desperately trying to hold it together to get Gordon to Kleiner’s. He is suddenly being faced with Gordon who he knew was dead because he didn’t come back, but is now back, meaning he wasn’t dead and he chose to stay away. Barney is so angry, even though he tried at first to be funny and laidback, because that’s who he is. It doesn’t end up working and he snaps at Gordon when he doesn’t respond after barney “casually” asks where he’s been and for the general lack of communication. After Gordon goes off barney is left to grapple with Gordon being alive by himself. He is certainly relieved that Gordon is back, he can’t deny that, but he is so angry that Gordon’s back. He s angry because it means that Gordon could have been back this whole time and he grieved and mourned for nothing. And that to barney, Gordon chose not to come back to him, and his pain and suffering is Gordon’s thought. He’s also mad that Gordon is here to experience the combine and is now being forced (by his own hand this time too) to kill and kill and kill and save the world again, after all these years of barney being mad that people wanted that from Gordon, he’s forcing Gordon to do the same thing the people wanted this whole time.

And throughout hl2 barney also has to face multiple instances where he thinks Gordon is dead or going to die (teleporter malfunction at Kleiner’s, weeklong absence after nova prospect, and the explosion of the citadel) as well as the constant anxiety around what Gordon’s mission is and what he’s doing. Barney is constantly facing the abyss of starting the mourning process over and over again. Its constantly starting and stopping and is constantly building potential energy the longer Gordon’s around to reacclimate to.

Also ignoring the fast-paced plot of hl2, barney also gets more time to interact with Gordon, particularly once the rebellion starts. So, he’s forced to see Gordon as he is, with preexisting flaws and un-niceties, compounded with what is now weeks of trauma. Its jarring and hard to reconcile the Gordon he remembers and the Gordon standing in front of him. He never gets the time to truly be close to Gordon at this point, in fact Gordon seems resistant to anyone being close to him. He hurt by this and feels mor bitter and angry at Gordon than he did before. HE stops trying to be familiar with Gordon and falls back to his impersonal and pseudo-familiar persona he used for the many, many people he’d met in the resistance that he expected to die so it would hurt less when they did. It wasn’t that he expected Gordon to die (except he did if he were being honest) but it’s easier to deal with still not having Gordon back even if he could touch him.

He feels closer to a memory of Gordon than he did the real Gordon and he wasn’t sure how to bridge the gap that existed and wasn’t sure that he’d ever have to time to learn. He almost doesn’t want to be close to Gordon anymore; he’d already mourned him it wasn’t fair that he’d have to start all over again and it wasn’t fair that Gordon, who didn’t look a day older than he did before the resonance cascade, didn’t even seem to want to know him and it made him angry all over again. But he does want to know Gordon again, and he knows deep down that Gordon just doesn’t have the mental space to be a person right now, he was hardly sociable before, but now… he had to be something else that couldn’t remember how to do anything but survive, and neither could barney. They were in a warzone, the most anyone could truly afford to live as people was in the dark of night when only distant gunfire could be heard, and everyone has to be okay with that. For now, barney would try his best to remember that Gordon is a person being forced to live as an icon of a better future and expected to be a martyr if need be, and that he’s not a faded memory of a better time to be used as a small piece of relief in a world of suffering. For now, barney would make do with understanding Gordon as a battle partner, someone he could trust with his life and return the favor in turn and settling for only brief looks behind the curtain when no one else can see them.

Post good ending hl3 where everyone lives and everything is as okay as it can be where a future is attainable:

It takes barney months to completely work through the bitterness and anger he still feels towards Gordon for the abandonment, but it’s easier after Gordon explains what happened. He also has to grapple with the fact that Gordon is alive at all, everyday he wakes up and forgets that Gordon is there and then is suddenly faced with reality. It’s difficult to process. Though once things calm down properly, its almost easy to fall back into familiar rhythms from black mesa, thought of course new one had to be made and some old ones adjusted to accommodate for both their sakes. But barney struggles to truly bare himself to Gordon (who struggles to do the same.) they could function in a pseudo familiarity but truly getting close is difficult. It’s hard for barney to truly be vulnerable again, always fearing Gordon will somehow be ripped away again, and scared that showing that he cares for someone puts them in danger from the long gone combine. It takes at a year at the bare minimum to properly and fully reach a equivalent level of emotional closeness to black mesa, frankly they eventually reach a state closer than before, built on shared life threatening experiences during the weeks of warfare and the gentle understanding of the resulting trauma, reflecting on their shared life before, and looking forward to a future.

#anyways hope this is intelligible in anyway at all #im sure some of it communicated badly or that ill change my mind about how it works at sum point down the line but #who cares im developing characters and writing it down makes it more real and it is so much more fun that way than just letting it sit in #my brain festering until it is swept away and im left with nothing and no solid interpretation of the characters i so adore #iwillspeakincessantly #im sure ill end up tightening the chracterization too down the line #sometimes he feels a lil inconsistant when i was trying to add dualities of thoughts but this aint susmmin spose tobe proper #its brain dump and if yallre gonna read this mess ur gonna get what u get lol #i should go to bed this took so much brain capital to formulate #also almsot done witht he coward guard comic only like 2 pages and a few stray panels to color #goodnight yall im tired as fuck lmaoooo #ponderingradioactivedecay

[lidrens]

Soulsborne asks: 8, 9, 16, 23?

this became rambly so under read more it goes

8. Do you have any fond coop memories? Does a specific moment stand out to you?

yeah you know from high-level dungeons in bb come all kinds of things. so on my platinum character ive also farmed all kinds of gems and shit, and 99% of coop i do happens in the chalice dungeons with people just as insanely overleveled as me.

...that's until hunters of hunters roll in and you realise that whoever invaded your ass is probably just as high a level as you or more (which is around 300) and you're just. well that'll be a fun fight huh.

i have a vivid memory of a crow wannabe showing up and pulling out a tonitrus, the Most Okayest Weapon Ever. they chased me around ihyll and died to a fireball trap. fuxking lmao.

another one is from ds3 and it's about a greatbow user who fucking soloed midir, the big bad fuckoff huge dragon for me on my dark character run. i was doing like 20 damage? and then this guy rolls in and puts the fear of god back right into my heart. oh it was amazing.

9. What are your three favourite weapons and why?

im not gonna list all of the games because i can't remember all weapons right now, so:

- the blade of mercy. it's so worth learning how to effectively use. it's fast, it does a respectable amount of damage on a good skill build and it encourages very high mobility and less of R1 mashing.

- the onyx blade. everything about it is immaculate, from the caduceus aesthetic to the black flames, to its speed. i love how light it feels to wield too, as if its barely holding together from everything its original wielder been through.

- morgott's cursed curved greatsword. it's very satisfying to use and to land the skill attack in succession, also i absolutely love curved greatswords in elden ring. the design of the blade and the introduction of it, as the wood falls off it from the sheer force of morgott's grip? hhoh. i want this thing in my house not gonna lie.

- honorable mention of estoc, the weapon i use in every souls game until i find something i like for my specific build. also it fucking carried me through my first ds2 run, what a great weapon.

16. What are your favourite areas?

ds1: new londo and anor londo. all of the headcanons aside, i can't help but wonder what they were like when they were alive. and in their current states they're much like yourself, undead and long hollow, having forgotten what it is to be a home.

ds2: THE GUTTER. lighting up all the sconces is something i look forward to every run. and with the heartbeat... the place is so unsettling and beautiful in the dark, i just spend a lot of time wandering around and looking at the edges of structures peeking out from the dark. the runner up is shulva. i would love to live there before it went to shit.

ds3: i like carthus catacombs, sue me. mainly because invasions in there are very fun (for me). irithyll is okay. the ringed city is more okayer but it takes longer to get there, and the only reason i like two of those is their aesthetics. idk ds3 lore.

bloodborne: ...the hunter's nightmare. the ruined and warped city of yharnam in sickly daylight, drowned in blood and knowing nobody but those who spill it. to be fair i like most of all bloodborne locations with one petty exclusion (fuck you hemwick). i wish the castle cainhurst was bigger on the inside as well as the outside, but i guess i will have to do with the castle sol </3

elden ring: fuck all of you, caelid is beautiful and haunting, a festering and living grave of a land. i like it a moderate amount. i have not spent hours obsessively taking pictures of various plants and creatures there. i am normal about caelid. ...on another note, i think leyndell is the best area fromsoft ever made as a dungeon and aesthetics wise.

23. What is your favourite fashion souls?

oh man im kind of tired of listing every game, so I'll go with top three outfits i have on some of my characters:

- nights cavalry set and nox monk headpiece.

- tomb prospector set and yharnam hunter hat (or maria's hat).

- loyce set.

#this is. a lot. i am so sorry #answered #dark souls #bloodborne #elden ring #redsixwing

[harcove]

Are your request still open? If so, can I request for Leon Kennedy x Younger!Fem!Reader where Leon trains the reader because she doesn’t know how to defend herself and he thinks it’s useful if she did?

Thank you god for requesting this. And also to every other person who sent stuff in, and really excited to do them. We gotta flash flood the Leon Kennedy tag with x reader stuff 👉👈👀

Length: 1k

Request: in the ask

Warnings: none, except a touch of angst maybe? Also age gap. But it's legal.

Leon Kennedy x Reader - Peace of Mind

"I don't get why I'm doing this?"

Leon ignored you as he moved your arm to stretch farther than you would've liked. You didn't protest though, mainly because you knew he wasn't going to listen.

"So you don't accidentally pull a muscle and hurt yourself," he responded plainly.

You didn't say anything back. Instead, you continued to stretch like he told you to. Leon was older than you, and it seemed to affect the relationship between the two of you. He had seen more than you had, faced things he would never be able to hide from. And you were younger, you hadn't seen half the things he had. You weren't as cautious as he was, and sometimes it stressed the man out.

One day he decided that you were going to learn some self-defense and he was going to teach you it. You had no room to argue, mainly because he wasn't going to let you. But also because you really had no reason to say no. Knowing how to defend yourself, especially if he wasn't there, was a good thing.

That didn't mean you had to like the process.

"Leon, my arms are tired," you moaned out as you dropped them from the position he had you in, it was some sort of defense mechanism he was trying to teach you, but you had lost the plot somewhere along him explaining.

That was another thing about you being younger than him. Your youthful attention span hated to stay focused on things like this.

He sighed, slackening his stance and looking at you through half-lidded eyes, "I don't think a random person trying to attack you, or whatever it is that tries to attack you, is going to care that your arms are tired Y/N."

"No, but it would catch them off guard if I just announced it, right?" you raised your arm back up to try to chop Leon in the neck, a completely fruitless effort because he was quicker than you and grabbed your smaller, frailer, arm with his calloused hands that had been through a lot.

"If it's already dead, that doesn't work," you could see the smile in his eyes and the way his lips seemed to fight off the side smile you almost evoked from him.

There was one of the positives to the youth you had against him; sometimes you made him feel like he was a fresh off the street 21 year old again.

"And also if their a trained government agent who does this stuff for living?"

"Yeah, that too."

Leon shook his head and completely relaxed his stance, so you did the same. He grabbed a water bottle and handed it to you before grabbing his own and taking a swig from it. You eagerly drank from the bottle as you decided to plop yourself down on the floor right where you stood.

You looked up at him with big eyes and spoke, "I know defending myself would obviously be beneficial Leon but you really are tough. It's not that serious..."

"It is serious," he said seriously, moving to sit down on the floor in front of you, "it's serious."

You didn't know what to say, so instead, you looked into his face now that he was on the same eye level as you. His blue eyes looked tired and anxious, and his brow was furrowed in a way that was all too familiar, sadly. It pulled at your heartstrings, and his anxiety seemed to reflect itself in you as you worried about him. You always worried about him.

"It's useful. And I just... Listen Y/N, if you got hurt and couldn't defend yourself I don't know what I'd do, especially knowing that I could've taught you how to defend yourself" he ran a hand through his hair, which you heard hadn't really actually changed much at all since he was younger, "it would give me some peace of mind at least if you knew how to throw a proper punch at someone."

Your face softened up and your stomach twisted as you reached a hand across from you to grab onto one of his that wasn't preoccupied with his hair. When you took his hand into your own much smaller one, it was like his hand told you a million stories. It was rough, it had callouses. It had some minute scars and was clearly the hand of someone who knew what he was talking about. Someone who had fought horrors you couldn't even imagine. There wasn't a thing you really could do to take away those horrors; to make it all better. But it was the little things that you could do that made things easier. That made things seem not so dire, not so empty.

You squeezed his hand, and he involuntarily squeezed it back.

"Okay, you've made your point- can you teach me how to suplex a guy like in those wrestling shows, cause I mean I think that would be kinda cool, and no one is gonna wanna fuck with me if I-"

"Slow down," he let out a laugh that was like music to your ears, "maybe learn how to actually throw a punch without breaking your hand first."

He had stood up and held his hand out for you to take which you gratefully did, being lifted off the floor like you were as light as a feather.

If learning how to punch a guy in the face made Leon feel lighter, feel better, when if it was just a little bit, then you would do it 100 times over.

#leon kennedy x reader #im gonna put this under a read more when i get home im on mobile rn and cant do it akfkakdk #leon kennedy #leon #re #resident evil #leon s. kennedy #leon scott kennedy #mine #amy writes

[lotussokka]

cis people will never understand the nuances of how it feels to have to present as our assigned gender rather than our real one

#about me #you dont care #its like living in a costume but not #its like living in someone elses life but at the same time its not #its like acting in a constant performance or for some elaborate performance art but at the same time neither of those are quite accurate #its not you not its not necessarily complerely Not you #its almost like living in a chunk of yourself that fits who youre supposed to be but sometimes you cant even fit yourself into that #but on the otherhand maybe its not really a part of you just a habit that maybe one day youll break and realize how ill fitting it was #i spent all day in a dress with makeup bc sometimes i just want to perform a gender well according to society even if it isnt You #(i fell asleep making this two nights ago in the middle of the next tag ‘and at 11 {nonsense where i fell asleep}’) #(im on mobile so i cant see the rest of what i had said in that last one about dressing femininely bc im not gonna erase it) #after spending all of friday looking Very Feminine i felt so strung out #OH I REMEMBER WHAT THE NEXT TAG WAS: #and at 11am when i put it on i was very comfortable in it and enjoying getting to look nice #but by the end of the night i felt like my skin was crawling under the weight of it #the next day i knew i’d only be out for a few hours so i considered dressing up again but i knew id only feel even more trapped by nighttime #i still ended up in something still pretty feminine partially just bc clothing is read more femininely based on my bodyshape #all afternoon though it haunted me that id lost this textpost bc it was still ringing around in my mind like its been for a week or so #and it was still annoying me today (i stayed home along and didnt have to perform gender to others at all) so i opened tumblr to retype it #but it gave me a popup that i could restore the old draft so i did #ive been annoyed that it didnt autosave or something so it was completely lost but i guess thatll work too #i fell asleep while typing it; locked my phone a few hours later; and then opened a post notification when i actually woke up #and for once tumblr hadnt reset so i saw this post disappear before my very eyes #trans tag #nb tag #alphabet soup #okay to reblog

[mamabearcatfanfics]

Second chapter up now on AO3, or read on below!

“Pizza delivery for one Kagome Higurashi!” The bright grin on the wolf demon’s face immediately fell when he saw who opened the door. “Oh, it’s you mutt. Ain’t you got a home of your own to go to? Or is the salary Myouga the flea’s paying you so miniscule that you’ve been reduced to couch surfing?” He chuckled at his own joke. Inuyasha did not join in.

“Hand over the pizza and fuck off”, he said pleasantly, holding out one clawed hand expectantly.

“I didn’t see your name on the delivery order”, said Kouga, making a show of checking the receipt then trying to peer into the apartment behind Inuyasha’s broad shoulders. “Nope, no mention of a mutt named Inuyasha. Only Kagome. For all I know, you’re a freeloader trying to steal Kagome’s hard earned dinner.”

“Yeah, she’s eatin’ three pizzas and a serve of garlic knots all by herself. Even though she’s the size of a wet kitten. Hand it over wolf.”

The stalemate continued, Inuyasha continuing to block Kouga’s view, and Kouga refusing to hand over the pizzas. Finally Inuyasha rolled his eyes and hollered for Kagome, who appeared in a pair of soft blue flannelette pyjamas and fluffy slippers, drying her damp hair with a towel.

“Oh wow Kouga, that was really fast! I didn’t expect you to deliver it in person!” she said, her blue eyes lighting up at the stack of cardboard pizza boxes he was carrying.

“You’re my favourite customer Kagome – I’m always going to deliver your pizza in person.” Kagome laughed a little uncomfortably.

“Aw, that’s sweet. Um, let me just get my wallet so I can give you a tip.”

“I’ll give him a tip”, Inuyasha grumbled, stepping aside so Kagome could pay Kouga. “You should wash behind your ears more often wolf, you stink.”

“Inuyasha!”

Kagome’s elbow caught him in the ribs, making him grunt. She pulled out a crisp ten dollar note to pass to Kouga and squeaked in surprise when his much larger hand wrapped around hers.

“Forget the tip. I’m finishing up work in an hour or so. How about I come back and take you out for a drink?”

Kagome smiled kindly at him, valiantly trying to tug her hand free, and failing dismally.

“Ah, um, Kouga, that’s very kind and thanks for the offer, but as you can see” she said, glancing down at her pyjamas and slippers, “I’m not going anywhere else tonight. I know it’s Friday, but it’s been a tough week at work. All I want to do is sit on the sofa, eat my pizza and just relax.”

“So, tomorrow then?” Kagome’s smile slipped a little, and she did her best to ignore the rumbling growl beginning from her inuhanyou friend looming protectively behind her.

“Um, I have plans. For the entire weekend”, she added quickly when it looked like Kouga was going to inquire about Sunday. Kouga sighed in obvious disappointment and then placed a lingering kiss on Kagome’s knuckles, before taking the money out of her hand and handing over the pizzas.

“Another time then mon chéri. Enjoy your meal!” Inuyasha slammed the door on him.

“What did I say to you about encouraging him?!” grumbled Inuyasha, taking the pizzas out of her hands and carrying them over to the coffee table. He dropped himself onto the sofa and flipped back the lid of the first one, making a disgusted face. “Yuck. Mushrooms. This one’s yours.”

“It wouldn’t kill you to eat a vegetable occasionally you know”, said Kagome, sitting down next to him, continuing to dry her hair. “And in what way was I encouraging Kouga? I told him no. I tell him no every time he asks.”

“That was a no?” he snorted. “You called him sweet and batted your eyelashes at ‘im. He’s gonna take that as a yes.” He flipped open another pizza box and breathed in the fragrant smell of pepperoni and cheese. “Kouga’s a wolf youkai Kagome. You need to be firm with him, or he’s gonna walk all over you. Say somethin’ more like ‘stop asking me out, because I wouldn’t date you if you were the last demon on Earth’. That should do for starters. And if that doesn’t work, lemme punch him a coupla times. Or at least start orderin’ pizza from somewhere else.”

“But that’s so mean!” said Kagome in an aghast voice. “Kouga is actually a nice guy! When I first moved in here, he told me where all the good coffee places were. Besides, his pizza shop is in the bottom of the building, I’m not going to order from anywhere else!” She hung her towel over the back of the sofa, now her hair was as dry as it was going to get. “He means well, he just comes on a little strong sometimes. And I’m not going to let you punch anyone!” Inuyasha rolled his eyes.

“Whoops Kittycat, your small town roots are showin’ again.”

“Hey! I don’t want to hurt his feelings, and that’s because I’m a nice person, not because of where I grew up!” she said, punching him as hard as she could on his bicep. Inuyasha barely moved, but looked at her pointedly.

“Nice, huh?” She crossed her arms and huffed at him and he sniggered. “What’s the current population of Wrightwood Kagome? I bet it ain’t even 5000, am I right?” He grinned at her when she rolled her eyes. “That’s what I thought.”

“I did live in San Diego for six months before I moved here”, she pointed out primly, reaching for a garlic knot. Inuyasha snorted, then folded his slice of pepperoni pizza in half and took a huge bite.

“Ah, that hits the spot”, he said indistinctly around his mouthful. “He may be a stinky wolf bastard, but he knows how to make a good pizza.” He wound a piece of stretched out mozzarella around his finger and slurped it into his mouth.

“Charming.”

“Hey, I’m all charm.” Kagome rolled her eyes, reaching for her own slice, then let her hand drop with a sigh.

Inuyasha glanced up, trying to read her scent. She was a lot calmer now, after her shower. A good thing too. For some reason, Kagome feeling upset made him twitchy, like he needed to do something to fix whatever had caused it. He supposed it was her size and personality. She was so little and so nice – it was no wonder he felt protective of her.

The four of them had settled into a regular routine in the three months she’d been living with Sango. Beer and chili dogs on Friday nights. Occasional trivia nights, with a stroll to the best pretzel cart in Queens on the way home. Regular card games at Miroku’s. She’d fit into their little friendship group like she’d always been there. And with Sango and Miroku’s current ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement, he and Kagome were left to hang out together more often than not, which was fine by him. At least he wasn’t playing third wheel anymore.

She was cute and funny, easy on the eye. Kind, with an infectious smile and bright blue eyes. But surprisingly, also kinda sarcastic, which made him laugh. And she’d stood up for him when someone had said something with a racist undertone while they were out at the pub. He’d grown a thick skin over the years, and was so used to tuning it out, he’d hardly even noticed it. But Kagome had, and she was a sight to behold. A tiny spitting ball of fury. He’d had to carry her bodily out of the bar, needing to remove her from the situation before her comments started an all out brawl.

“Inuyasha? Um, thanks again for walking home with me tonight”, she said softly. “You really didn’t have to.”

“Sure I did”, he answered, bumping against her shoulder. “If some creepy bastard’s following you, calling me is the first thing you should do.”

“So I should always call you? Not Miroku?” she teased.

“What’s he gonna do? Put the moves on them by flooring them with his boyish charm? Flirt them into submission?”. Kagome giggled, then sighed.

“I don’t know that he was following me, really. But he kept up with me, even when I walked faster, and I just got that feeling, y’know? That something bad was going to happen.”

Inuyasha nodded. Her voice on the other end of the phone as he’d answered had been a dead give away.

He hadn’t been expecting to hear from her tonight  – Sango was visiting her brother and was away for the weekend, and Kagome had been working late nights all week, so she’d texted him and Miroku and cancelled their usual Friday night drinks. Miroku had opted out also, and he’d been sitting on his sofa with a beer, watching Netflix, and scrolling through his Facebook feed, phone in his hand. And then she’d called.

 “Hey Inuyasha?” There was an edge to her voice he didn’t like. She sounded panicked.

 “Kagome? What’s up?”

 She was panting a little now, and he could hear her hurried footsteps on the pavement, and the jingling of keys, which meant she was probably carrying them in her hand. Kagome never did that, because she had them on a long lanyard secured to the buckle on her bag strap so she could always find them easily. He knew from Sango that was something girls were taught to do if they were feeling threatened.

 “Sorry, I’m going to be a little late!” He sat up straight on the sofa, ears alert as he looked around for his wallet and keys, then shoved them in his pockets. Something was definitely up.

 “Is everything okay? You said you were goin’ straight home tonight after work.”

 “Yeah, I got held up at the office, and then missed my train. But I’m almost at Veteran’s Park, the one near Jackson Mill Road, so I should be there pretty soon.”

 “Kagome… is someone followin’ you?”

 “Uh huh!” He could tell she was aiming for a bright happy tone, but was failing miserably. Shit. The thought of anyone mugging her or worse made his gut twist.

 “Keep talkin’ to me”, he said firmly, shrugging on his jacket and shoving his feet into his work boots. “I’ll be right there. Keep walkin’ and stay under the streetlights okay? Try and move towards people if you can. I’ll find you.”

 “Sure thing! I’m really looking forward to seeing you!”

 “I’m headin’ out the door, I should be there five minutes, tops.”

 He’d sprinted, keeping his mobile on speaker so he could hear her talking aimlessly about random stuff, the tone of her voice getting more and more nervous. He caused a few angry yells as he dashed past people, but he didn’t care. Kagome was his friend, and she needed him. He slowed his pace to a slow jog as he rounded the corner to the park, easily locating her by scent. She was terrified. He’d walked straight up to her and embraced her in a tight hug. He could hear her heart hammering in her chest, her hands shaking as she wrapped them around his waist.

 “Inuyasha…”

 Inuyasha could smell the bastard, loitering in the background, the stink of the other man’s lust making him want to hurl. He glared in the direction the scent was coming from, pushing back a snarl. He could go after him, confront him, but he didn’t want to scare Kagome any more than she already was, so he put his arm around her shoulders, leading her away. But he knew that guy's scent now. And if they should happen to cross paths again, it wouldn’t be his fault if the fucker tripped and fell directly into his fist.

 “Nice to see you Kittycat. Thanks for callin’ me to tell me you were going to be late. I appreciate it.”

 She’d pressed herself into his side, still shaking, and he’d done everything he could to soothe her during the ten minute walk back to her apartment. Making jokes, asking about her work, inviting himself to dinner, because he could tell she was still feeling nervous. He was so glad that she’d called him, and more than a little flattered.

“I’ll always come when you call. What are friends for right? Besides, you bought me pizza. That’s more than enough payment for jogging a coupla blocks and walking back to your place.”

“You probably think I’m ridiculous”, she sighed. “He probably wasn’t following me at all. I think it’s just because it was so much later than I usually walk back from the station, and it’s the first night I’ve been here alone, with Sango visiting her family.”

Inuyasha thought for a moment about confirming her suspicion that she was being followed. But he didn’t want to frighten her even more. Part of Kagome’s charm was her openness, her excitement about finally living her dream here in NYC. He didn’t want to spoil that for her. But unfortunately, part of living in a city was learning to move about it safely, and being more aware of your surroundings. Because there were always random assholes who wanted to take what you had. He could help her with that.

“If you’re ever late again like that, call me. I’ll be happy to walk with you from the station, even if I’m workin’. Myouga wouldn’t care if I had to leave the shop for a while to walk with you – he thinks the sun shines out of your cute little ass. And ya know, if you’re still feeling worried, I can sleep here on the couch.”

“Inuyasha, I can’t ask you to do that!” Kagome said, glancing down at his long legs and then the length of the sofa, one Sango had purchased from Ikea. “You’re way too tall, your back would be wrecked by morning. I will be fine, I promise!”

He studied her closely. Her words said she was fine, but her scent, and her expression, said she wanted him to stay. He could do that for her. It wasn’t like he had any other plans on a Friday night. Besides, if he left now, he’d just be worried about her, wondering if she was sleeping or not.

He made a show of stretching himself out, twisting around to throw his legs up on the sofa and crossing his ankles in her lap, then reached for another piece of pizza.

“Ooh, yeah, this sofa is pretty comfy. I don’t think I could be bothered to go home now. Besides, you can make me breakfast. I happen to know you’ve got bacon in the freezer.”

Kagome sighed. “You’re still eating dinner and you’re already thinking about breakfast?”

“Bacon is a serious business Kagome.”

Kagome leaned forward over his legs to grab herself a slice of pizza, which flopped downwards, losing a good portion of the topping as it slid off onto the cardboard box below it. He laughed at the pout on her face.

“Okay, you should know this if you’re gonna be a full time resident of NYC. You gotta fold your pizza. Like this, see?” he said, reaching for another slice for himself and folding it in half lengthwise. He took a big bite. “You get twice as much in a mouthful, and the topping don’t slide off.”

“You should open your mouth a little more when you chew dog boy, I didn’t get to see everything in there that time.”

“You think you’re funny don’tcha?” he smiled. The nervousness in her had settled, and she was back to her normal self. Everything was okay now.

“Yeah, I do actually.” She patted him on his ankle absentmindedly as she reached for another garlic knot. “You’re a good friend Inu.”

“Right back atcha, Kittycat.”

#mamabearcat fanfics #First Impressions #inukag fanfic #inukag #inukag modern AU

[bokuroaka]

hi! can i ask how u made ur carrd like what are the settings? ty!

omg YES i love carrd making hi anon. if there’s anything specific u want just lmk!! under the cut bc its long... i make most of my carrds on desktop so this is very desktop based.... to all of u who do ur carrds on mobile honestly kudos i cld never

uhm also when i say long like this is v long bc i added a lot of reasoning to my settings n tips that i’ve picked up on making carrds (plus the screenshots) i hope it helps tho ^_^ apologies if u knew most of this stuff tho bc i explained... everything...

some notes before we get in: for colors i usually just base everything off the sidebar image and use a color picking website (i use this one) to get the the html codes for colors. the site i use also generates a palette which i also use! ur free to use anything tho obv. the font i used is “inter” 

1. ok first here are my page settings! i wont include my animation settings now ill leave that to the end.. these r rlly the only settings that i’ve changed so i’ll just post these.

ok i dont rlly change much except for these two, the position is set to top not center (which is the default) b/c esp w carrds like the one i have now i dont like the header portion moving depending on the height of the container underneath... does that make sense? that’s just super nitpicky of me LOL but if u do end up making the carrd n playing around w the settings u’ll see what i mean

the width is set to 22 bc i like small carrds! play around w this as u see fit, i also change it depending on how it looks like in mobile (im very thorough lol) if ur wondering how u can do that on desktop, its this phone looking icon on this bar on the top right of the screen: (the 6th icon!)

the next pic is also default settings except my spacing is set to 0. i’ll explain why later! the alignment also doesnt really matter w/ this carrd. u can play around with it tho!

2. this is for the home page!

first i’ll explain how this is set up: the title box and the box under it (i’ll call it info box) are both containers! here is why i put set the spacing to 0 earlier: if u put 2 containers theres going to be space btwn them and to achieve this kind of look (ig) i just set the page spacing (in the page settings) to 0. however this means that everything is going to be pressed up against each other so i usually just add dividers (which are transparent [color code is #96969600]) i wont post a screenshot bc the settings r default, except for the margins which u can play around with to see what works for u (it’s set to 0.375 for me rn)

here are my settings for the title box 

most of these r pretty standard except for the padding and border. the reason why i didnt tick the bottom part is bc of the container w all my info underneath. both containers have borders so the bottom & top border of those containers wld just merge n create a thicker border which isnt what i was looking for... anyway.

then i just add a text element & just write my title! idt my settings for that r relevant so i wont add it (the text size is 0.875)

next is the info box! here are my settings: 

btw this is a container with columns!! those can look p wonky on mobile so make sure to have these settings on so that they wont look awful on mobile!!

oh also i wont post a screenshot of my text settings (text size is 0.75 + line spacing is 1.25) if ur wondering how i changed colors for some of the text the format is basically just [text]{#color} 

for the image size i set the width size to full (or full column) that depends on u (and how much text u put in the info part) i just prefer how it looks like when the image width is set to full bc that way no part of the image is cut off... really depends on u and what image ur using though so just play around w/ it!!

and in terms of spacing, i have a divider on top of the title box b/c otherwise the whole thing is just too high up for my taste

ok now to explain the header part and how i got my title/info box to stay “fixed”

so... im ngl. i dont understand how the header function works (help) so uhh i wont go as into detail here. but what worked for me is adding a header marker (the plus thing on the bar > control > change section break to header marker) right after the info container, then adding a section break (this one is called #wala bc wala here means ‘nothing’ in bisaya lol) and a transparent divider right after it. i hope its visible in the pic... anyway this is the only method i found that makes the carrd work lmao. it rlly doesnt matter what u name the #wala section break bc its not gonna show up so u might as well just use a keysmash

3. the extra info!! (extra, interests, byf)

this section will b shorter compared to the first two LOL anyway. first i started off w a section break (#usa which means 1 in bisaya hehe), then a transparent divider for spacing, and then a container! theres nothing fancy abt this container it has the exact same settings as the info box above so u can just duplicate that container and change the container type from columns to default.

then just add ur info and ur done!! repeat w whatever extra info u want to add (i only had 3 to add so it looks like this for me)

4. oh before i forget, these are my animation settings!! (page > the triangle thing)

u can preview the on load animation by clicking the triangle button on the top right bar, but for the on section change animations u have to save then preview it on ur carrd itself :/ kinda annoying but yeah... i usually never set anything above 0.5 seconds for on section change animations bc im impatient LOL 

these r completely optional tho... i just think animations make the carrd look smoother & more fun!

thats it i think! here are some tips i have

1. this tip is abt how carrds can differ when on mobile! i sometimes fiddle around with the mobile settings to make sure my carrd looks the way i want it to on mobile! bc mobile sometimes fucks up the spacing and it annoys me LOL... example here: 

u can find these settings if u scroll down a bit on the page settings and switch mobile from auto to manual (like in the screenshot) most of the settings i dont touch except the size setting, i just fiddle around w it and see how my carrd looks in the mobile view until im satisfied

2. this isnt rlly necessary but its smthn neat i picked up! if u check ur section break settings and check hide footer u can get rid off the “( made with carrd )” text on the bottom! i think it just makes the carrd look a bit neater, esp since the page spacing is set to 0 so it might look a little squished under the container...

3. i like to use all elements of my carrd efficiently (ig? heres the engineering major jumping out) and idk if u noticed, but if u click on the title (”it has always been once for me”) or the image (which is... of tbz..) it actually takes u back to the home page ^^ idk i just think small things like that r neat 

thats it for real!! i hope this wasnt too much of a hassle to read or follow through, and if u have any questions dont hesitate to dm me or send me an ask, even if we arent mutuals!! i hope u have fun making this carrd <3

#anon #ask #carrd #also rip this is one of the simpler carrds im using rn #i bolded some stuff so it doesnt get lost in the midst of my rambling... oops

[jazajas]

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

#love victor spoilers #love victor #love simon #simon vs the homosapiens agenda #leah on the offbeat #simon spier #bram greenfeld #victor salazar #felix weston #jas rambles #i have opinions #and i am very tired #just like in general #like my current state of being #although i am tired of straight being constantly shoved down the thoughts of lgbtq+ people #and like the state of the world because people are bigoted a-holes #but like #it's nice that they upped the airing because they didn't want to conlfict with juneteenth #although now im questioning motives on why #was is out of support? or the want if making money #who knows #i sure dont #i hoped there aren't too many grammatical errors

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

anyone wanna hear the story of how i found out supernatural was ending and proceeded to have the worst morning of my life?

(super-excessive rambling ahead. do not read the whole of it.)

so i don't remember the date but it was the day of my english 10th board exam. boards are like a series of subject finals, kinda the biggest exams conducted in a student's education in india, plus they're nationalized. so yeah, a massively big deal, and obviously the first thing i do waking up on this massively important day is open tumblr. there are about seventy messages and i'm confused cause i think i barely "talked" to ten people back then, but before i've even checked them out, the first post i see is a textpost about how the longest running joke universally across fandoms is that 'spn has been going on way too long and needs to end' but now that it is ending, all people can do is cry about it. for some reason, i don't process that post as fact™, assuming they mean a general "ending" instead of a "j2m announced last season" ending. anyways i move on to my messages, and all of them are people who've freaking the fuck out for at least a few hours (the advantages of being in a timezone different from of most people) and i go to my activity, still stunned, and someone's tagged me in a meta of some kind, and i check it out completely dazed and it's got gifs (already!) of the three of them standing there with teary eyes and jensen actually saying the words everyone had been screaming about in the chats, and it finally hits me that it's ending, supernatural is ending, it's going to be OVER, and it's already been decided when. obviously, the tears start, and literally crying in my bed, still under the comforter, i think i watched the video twice, without headphones in fact, which is extremely weird because i virtually NEVER do that, but as if anything else mattered at the moment!

i don't remember what all i felt in those moments but one of the thoughts that REALLY stood out was that i wish, wish, wish it lasted just one more year — so maybe supernatural could end at the same time as highschool ended for me, and it'd feel like the end of a phase of my life, but no, according to what they predicted (and not even kidding, now it's even worse) supernatural was going to end smack in the middle of senior year for me, obviously a super important, super stressful year, and god, i wished so hard it'd just go on ONE MORE YEAR somehow but look what happened now it's ending like three months before my college entrance exams and the competitive engineering exams and shit which is just absolutely perfect because it's doing wonders to my attention span and mental health and yeah i'm getting off topic i'm gonna come back to the topic now

it's two am rn and i'm weirdly tired of typing so what happens next is fucking wild, but i'm gonna hurry because i need to go cry some more into a pillow or a ao3 tab or something. so like a whole HOUR later i get up from bed. i've got to get dressed and shit, most important exam of my life YET and everything. so i start brushing, obviously scrolling through tumblr, obviously failing to not cry, and my mum walks in, and she doesn't know a thing about supernatural (even if she did, she would consider the idea of me crying over them announcing an ending RIDICULOUS) so she just assumes i'm sniffling and tensed up because i'm STRESSED and she tries reassuring me like i need fucking reassurance for ENGLISH of all things. anyway anyway anyway i have maggi for breakfast i think and i'm still pretty out of it and stuff but i get dressed in my uniform and put on the fucking blazer though its HOT outside but i like wearing the school blazer for exams but i underestimated how much of a physically draining effect the news and reacting to it would have on me, so then there's me sweating literal buckets and then we set off.

we're already late in leaving the house (why, i don't remember) and once we're at the centre, and my parents have dropped me off and wished me luck, i go to the gate, right. and THEN the guard gestures to my uniform and tells me i'm missing my fucking class ID. now i know i'm late so i panic on cue because shit shit shit i'm gonna be even more late, and i legit turn and look for mum and dad (we weren't allowed to carry our mobiles for the test) and what i see is that they've reversed the car and are about to drive out the gate and obviously my brain isn't really working so i fucking RUN AFTER THE CAR, like, i'm really not an athletic person, i avoid running as much as i possibly can, and i fucking lose my shit and chase the car down in like ten seconds of running cause it's only like ten metres away actually but the highlight of it all is that i run. in a public space. unprompted. with a shitload of emotions and anxiety and panic, and i basically almost sob in relief when dad immediately stops the car and pretty much pulls me in and tells me to stop worrying cause the house is like ten minutes away and i might miss the general waiting part and stuff but i wasn't gonna miss the exam. so THEN we start driving back and obviously because they are who they fucking are, they start arguing about which of them is at fault for this and who was supposed to check in on me carrying my seriously important ID and other crap, and then obviously they're yelling and that does even more wonders for my state of practically hysteria, but i hold it together until we get home and i get the ID (which is on the bed, probably was under my blazer or something) and we set back off, and i know we're late, and i know supernatural is ending, and i know it's going to take a part of me really, and mum and dad just won't stop yelling at each other about god knows what, and i manage to squeeze in the first time in SO many years that i cry in front of my parents right there in the backseat, and they're sort of stunned because i really don't cry (in front of people) and then there's just me losing it in a mixture of helplessness and nerves and anger for some reason and just. whoa.

ANYWAYS we get to the centre (in time for the exam, but like fifteen minutes later than i SHOULD have gotten there) and dad talks to the teacher and stuff and it works out because obviously it's a really important exam they're not going to make me skip it, and i go straight to my classroom — also did i mention these exams aren't held in our own schools but like, different test centres, so basically a different room and desk each day in a different school from mine, ugh, i hate new places — and i find out i have the FIRST bench of the second column which lowkey sucks because it's too public really, but at least my best friend's sitting like diagonally from me on the left, and my friends are basically sprinkled around the classroom as well and i see them eyeing me worriedly cause they were scared i might miss the exam but also because i was a MESS with bloodshot eyes and an outofit look in them and did i mention i was sweating like a dog all this time wearing a blazer because i'm just that idiot because yeah.

so then i calm myself down the best i can. sitting under a fan helps, taking off my stupid blazer helps, and seeing dish (beforementioned best friend) helps — because apparently she heard about the ending too (she's not in the fandom she just keeps up with news for my sake, yes, im very lucky to have her) and tries to cheer me up about it, but then it's time for the paper, and they give them out and...yeah.

three hours later, the exam ends, and i step out of that hall the most mentally exhausted i've been in YEARS. also i swear off tumblr until i've had lunch and napped and stuff because i was also functioning on extremely little sleep but i really think that part was obvious.

as it goes, i ended up getting a 95% in that paper :)

but to this date, my sister jokes about how i ended up getting my personal least marks of that year in english of all subjects which was supposed to be of my strongest suit heh all because of a six-ish minute video released in a different part of the world about something that wasn't even going to happen that year...and like. yeah.

that's it.

that's the story.

#you're advised not to engage #this gets long and messy #even though it's something i'm not mad about rn #but dee thought this would be a good way to release the sheer weight of supernatural ending tomorrow off my heart so yeah #i ranted my ass off #tw rant #ish? #personal #to delete

[aloera]

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D

#AHH ive wanted to answer these for so long...... bro fr i was so happy when u sent these!!! like wow!! finally got sent one!!! #sorry for how long the responses are idk how to be concise #asks #anon #a(lore)a

[herbgerblin]

Honestly,,, cliche but I wish you would write a blupjeans high school au. You're really good at writing modern aus in general and Im always eager to read how you fit everyone together in different scenerios.

*Points and yells* that’s the shit I’m talking about! This is a long boi, so apologies to folks on mobile if the read more doesn’t work! I liked it so much i gave it a title.

–

The Rewards of Being Loved

“I’m gonna do it,” Barry said, with renewed conviction. “I’m gonna ask her out.”

“Uh huh,” Taako mumbled, using his textbook for a pillow. They were in Advanced Calculus, their first class of the day. The school was set up in a block schedule, so there were three more to go, plus lunch. Taako sat up and stood his text book up on his own desk. “That’s what you said yesterday.”

“I mean it,” Barry said. He tapped his pencil on his desk impatiently. “The homecoming dance is next Friday.”

“I’m painfully aware,” Taako said, taking out his phone and texting, eyes flickering up to make sure no one was noticing. “You got a plan of action, my dude?”

“Lunch. Senior court yard. If I time it right, it won’t be as crowded and the two of us can just talk.”

“If you can actually do the talking part,” Taako mumbled.

“Your enthusiasm is really encouraging, Taako,” Barry said sarcastically.

“You’ve had my blessing to date my sister for three years, Barold,” Taako shot back. “Don’t be surprised if the support well is running a bit dry.” Barry sighed. This pining had been going on for quite a while now. It was driving him a bit mad at this point. He knew he had to do something before the school year was up. Anything would do.

As soon as the bell rang, he shot up from his desk, nearly spilling his backpack and all its contents to the floor. His face went beet red as he scrambled to grab at the stuff, Taako snickering beside him. There was just one more class to go, and then he was gonna ask her.

–

“I’m gonna ask him,” Lup mumbled, her head laid down on the table. “I mean it this time.”

“Yep,” Taako said, putting his his books away. He had his phone in his hand, texting someone. “That’s what you said yesterday.”

The bell rang, and the twins were preparing to leave the library, Usually they’d be in elective course, but they had so far out classed most of them that the school had given them the option to do intermediary studies in the library. Lup forced herself to sit up.

“The dance is NEXT FRIDAY, Ko!” She whined.

“Oh really?” Taako asked, with mock innocence. “I would’ve never have known if it wasn’t for your fuckin’ yearning 24/7.”

Lup elbowed his arm, and then yawned. She had stayed up later than usual to finish a project for chemistry the night before. Between the thoughts she had about Barry—of which there were a lot—there were also thoughts of going home and conking the fuck out. She just hoped she would be able to handle the former before getting to the latter.

“I’m so tired,” She said, putting her chin on her brother’s shoulder. He shifted under her unexpected weight. “Ko, be my wingman when I talk to Barold so I don’t say anything stupid.”

“Why don’t you go hang out in the senior courtyard,” Taako suggested. He gently pushed her off. “The sun might wake you up a bit. Better than staying indoors and passing out on your lunch tray.”

“Hmmm,” Lup said, standing up. “Not a bad idea, I guess.”

“Cha-boy’s got nothing but good ones,” Taako said, waving her away. “Now go, your Romeo awaits.”

–

“Hey!” Barry said, lunch tray in hand. He spotted Lup in the courtyard, already sitting in a secluded little spot under a wooden alcove. Thick green vines peaked through the open wood sidings. As soon as he drew closer, his breath shallowed and his heart quicken.

Lup looked up at him from the picnic table she was seated at. Her tray was before her, barely touched. Both of her elbows were propped on the table, her hands were bracing her head.

“Hey, ” she said, a bit softly. Her eyes fluttered and remained half opened, as if she were still in a morning haze. The wind blew through the vines and Barry noticed the smattering of light through the leaves dancing across her goldenly tanned, freckled skin.

“I-is this seat occupied?” he stammered. Oh this was far more difficult than he thought.

“Yep!” Lup said, managing a grin. “It’s for one Barold J. Bluejeans. You wouldn’t happen to know the guy, wouldja?”

“Oh, I think I might hazard a guess,” he replied. Lup scooted over and let him sit down beside her. He smiled, and there appeared the cute, familiar dimples on the sides of his face. Lup was filled with the urge to poke them—she had, on a few occasions. But usually when there were fewer people around, and usually then it was followed up with a well-worn, “Nerd.”

“Hey Barry, I hate to ask but,” she started, then shrugged. “Mind if I rest my head on your shoulder a bit? I had to stay up pretty late to get my homework submitted on time, and I’m tired as fuck.”

“Oh,” Barry said, shifting in his seat. “Go ahead, I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure it’s not weird?” Lup asked, already leaning forward. Barry wasn’t sure why she had to ask. The other day she threw her legs across his lap like it was nothing. He could hardly form a thought then. This seemed far less imposing.

“Go ahead,” He said. “We have plenty of time for you to take a quick nap. I’ll wake you when the bell rings.”

Lup nodded gratefully and rested her head on his shoulder. All at once, Barry was acutely aware that she smelled like nutmeg. The curls of her thick hair tickled his skin but he didn’t move. He shifted his arm to support her back, and true to her word, she seemed to go out like a light. They sat like that for a while, with nothing but the sound of the wind rustling the leaves, and her slow, gentle breathing.

It was so…weird. How they could shift from awkward to comfortable like they did. Every moment Barry considered asking Lup out, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. But then when he didn’t try, when he wasn’t acting like he wanted to say anything, he could be as relaxed with her as he was with anyone else. It was so strange.

It almost made him believe that maybe they should just stay friends.

As Lup fell asleep, she was quietly kicking herself for not saying what she wanted to say right then.

Maybe she was chill with the fact that they had been friends all four years of highschool. And maybe she writes in her diary of all the cute little things he does. That she’s grateful that he cheers her on at all her sporting events. That they were part of a robotics club together. That he gives her rides home if she was stuck late at school doing something for chemistry. That he watches awful, B rated horror movies with her on Saturdays, and then pretends that he wasn’t just a little afraid of them. That he eats ice cream with the conviction of a man who has faced God and walked backwards into Hell. That she teases him incessantly, but she would never, for the life of her, change anything about him.

That maybe she loves him?

She thought about all this as she fell asleep.

Magnus came barging into the courtyard with Carey. They were chatting about how they could possibly use their combined skills to get better at dodgeball. As soon as Magnus saw Lup and Barry, he waved at them.

Barry put up a finger to his lips to signal for them to be quiet. Magnus and Carey lowered their voices. Magnus pointed to Barry, then he pointed to the still sleeping Lup, then he made a heart symbol with his hands and tilted his head like he was asking a question.

Barry—very slightly, so as not to disturbed her—shook his head no. Magnus looked visibly disappointed and threw his hands up into the air. Barry rolled his eyes. Magnus and Carey ambled over to the other side of the courtyard, where Taako and Merle where already talking. Barry sighed with relief.

After what felt like too short a time, the bell rang. Lunch was over.

Barry, very gently, pressed his hand on Lup’s shoulder to wake her. She made a soft sound, somewhere between a hum and a chirp, one that he wasn’t familiar with.

“First bell,” he said. “Time to go.”

“Mmm,” Lup agreed, sitting up and stretching. Barry felt the breeze on his body where she hand been leaning against him. It felt lighter, but emptier. She looked at him and smiled drowsily. “You’re a good pillow, Barold. You know that?”

He smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “Hey, if you ever need another shoulder to lean on, I’m your guy.”

“Done. You’re locked in as my human pillow,” Lup declares, grabbing her tray. She grinned devilishly. “No backsies.”

Barry chuckled. “No backsies.”

As they both got to their feet, their gazes locked into each others. Lup towered over him by a few inches, her beautiful hair swirling around her head like a halo. He almost lost his breath looking up at her.

“Hey, uh, Lup?” he said, his voice going suddenly dry.

“Yeah, Barold?” she asked.

“Got any, um, plans for homecoming?”

Now was her chance! Lup started to reply but her voice caught in her throat, like it always did when she wanted to ask him something, to say anything! She knew on some level that if she asked, he would probably say yes to her. Rarely did their shenanigans start with her asking permission. Usually it was a, “We’re doing this!”  and his agreeing immediately. But this was different. Maybe he’d be busy, or maybe it’s not his thing.

She wanted so badly to ask him, to know.

“Not really,” She managed to say. “Taako and I considered going to a couple of the school events, but I don’t really have any big plans. Per se.”

“Oh?” Barry said, feeling very warm and very anxious and maybe a little dizzy. “So, um, you…uh?”

The bell rang again.

“Class!” Lup exclaimed. She grabbed at Barry’s arm, practically dragging him with her out of the courtyard. “We’re gonna be late for class!”

“Yeah,” Barry said. He felt ready to jump off a cliff, or maybe into a river. Perhaps both.

–

“I failed,” Barry said, as soon as he saw Taako near his locker.

“No shit, Barold.” Taako said, giving him a pat on the back anyway. Barry leaned his head against the metal door with a groan. There were two more classes left, and then a whole day of sulking left to do.

–

“I failed,” Lup said, as soon as she saw Taako near the Home Ec classroom. It was the last block of the day. She walked up to him and leaned on his back.

“No shit, Lulu,” Taako said. “You two are the worst fuckin train wrecks I’ve ever dealt with in my young life. I knew I was here for a good time, but the long time was still in the purview.”

Lup pouted. “Can’t we just go as a group, like last year?”

“NOPE,” Taako exclaimed. “There was no group last year, Lulu. There was you and Barold making stupid, goo goo eyes at each other, but not doing anything. And me sitting at a table between the two of you in my own, special, third-wheeling hell. I’m not doing that shit this year.” He pointed across the hallway. “Besides, cha’boy’s already got a date.”

Lup’s head whipped around, eyes following where her brother pointed. Across the hall was another boy, about their age. He was standing outside of the music room, talking to Johann. He was dressed in all black, holding sheet music tucked under his arm. His dark, dreaded hair was pulled back into a loose bun. He was definitely a handsome boy, but he also stuck out like a sore thumb.

“Okay, ‘Quoth the Raven’ boy aside,” Lup said. “When did you get a date?”

“Cha boy’s got admirers, Lup.” Taako said, preening just a little. He waved his phone in his hand. “Just sealed the deal earlier today while you and Barold were dancing around each other. Though it seems like you’re not going to be doing much actual dancing at this rate.”

“Shut uuup!” Lup whined. She started marching away from him. “I’m staying after school today, don’t wait up, dingus.”

“You do you, goofus!” Taako called back.

As Lup walked to her last class, she was suddenly filled with fury. She was done waiting, done being nervous and unsure. She spent the whole class period feeling like she might spontaneously combust.

–

“Hey Nerd!” Lup yelled from the door of the bio lab. It was after school hours, but some of the students were staying behind for personal research. Every individual looked up reflexively, Barry included. Lup pointed at him.

“No, that nerd specifically,” she said. “I’m going to steal him away now. The rest of you go about your day.”

“Yeah, Lup?” Barry asked, surprised to see her after school. She motioned for him to follow her out into the hallway. He took off his gloves and lab coat, then cleaned up his station. He grabbed his bag and headed out the door.

“I thought you were tired?” he said, though it wasn’t really a question. They both walked toward the front entrance.

“I wanted to chat a little more before I left,” Lup replied. There was a pause, and then she asked, “Hey, Barry?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you dislike it when I call you a nerd?” Barry looked at her, his brows knitting with befuddlement. She looked back at him, nervousness quirked slightly on her face. He tried to alleviate whatever she was feeling with a casual shrug.

“No, I think it’s fine,” he said. “I am a nerd. This is why we have classifications, Lup.”

She laughed, and playfully nudged his arm. As soon as they got to his old car and buckled up, she leaned over and put her head on his shoulder. He smiled, seeing that she really did intend to use him as a pillow from now on. 

That’s perfectly fine by me, he thought.

Before he revved up the engine, he said, “I think there might be cause for confusion, though—” Lup turned just enough to look up at him. “—When I’m around fellow nerds. We’re pack animals Lup, if you call for one, everyone looks up.” Lup laughed again, softly.

“Right,” she replied. “We’re going to need something to distinguish you. Ya know, aside from just Barold.” She shifted in her seat and slung one arm over the back of the chair. “I’m the one who calls you a nerd the most. What if I said, ‘my nerd?’”

Barry beamed. “I’d be fine with that.”

“Really?” Lup asked, her lips threatening to twitch upwards. “If I was possessive?”

He grinned, and those familiar, wonderful dimples that carved out his face reappeared. “I’d best damn nerd this side of the hemisphere…If I’m yours Lup.”

The smile that fell on Lup’s face, it was–oh, it was irreplaceable.

She leaned forward, and Barry leaned forward just as gently. They were shoulder to shoulder, so it wasn’t that far of a distance for their lips to meet. They pressed into a soft, chaste kiss. Which was immediately followed by one that was deeper, and less tentative. Barry’s brain flooded with lots of different thoughts, but slowly fell on dancing. And what it meant to to dance with someone you adored.

“Four,” Lup murmured, pulling away just enough to speak, but not so far that she couldn’t plant another kiss on his cheek.

“Four?” Barry asked, surprised by how breathless he sounded. He felt ridiculously warm around his collar. Lup wrapped her arms around his shoulders, which only made him feel warmer.

“Four years, Barold!” she exclaimed. “Four years of kisses you owe me!”

“Oh!” he said, surprised. He felt like he was floating on air. “Could I…cash part of that in with a date to the dance?”

Lup beamed. “Hell yeah, you can!”

#I heard y'all like teen romances??? #askherbgerb #my writing #blupjeans #herbgerb fic

[nyanhart]

don't you think you could find some sexy problematic characters somewhere else though instead of indirectly condoning and supporting Said Fetish Game? like okay yeah, i understand why you draw it now but.. um. the source material doesn't change. it's still a literal uwu thats sexy game about r/pe and abuse. it's mad disrespectful to survivors & just victims of shit like that in general. and if you can't realize that, then that's YOUR problem. and the only reason i'm saying anything, to clarify, is because i had started looking up to you. as a minor to an adult i thought you were really cool & damn you hated tbatf too but liked tomtord and didn't portray it in an abusive light, yk? and i talked to you and you were really nice. but im literally guffawed and disgusted rn. it's not.. okay? you're a wholeass /adult./ shouldn't you know better than like.. indirectly supporting a fetish game that is making a kink out of something that fucks people up.

Okay I'm putting this under a read more bc I get wordy

Also hoping this posts bc I'm at work,,,,, and if it doesn't post I'm tossing my phone into the deepfryer

(and late responses bc again I'm at work I'm sorry)

Okay double edit I don't know how to use tumblr mobile so I can't put a read more, I'm illiterate and I'm sorry, I'll fix it when I'm home

Ok anon I see where you're coming from and I get why you're upset

But like I'm not sitting well with the fact that you're just sort of assuming the kind of person I am/my status as a victim

I could understand the outrage if i were super into it/put a bunch btd on main but like,,,,, that's one piece of fanart (and I think I reblogged smth somewhere but that's buried by now)

Another thing is that the source material itself isnt directly romanticized/fetishized, that's the just the vast majority of people who consume whether the games were made for them or not

I mean I'm pretty obviously one of those people who like the thrill/shock factor and not the idea of having those things done to me/others but I digress

But what it comes down to is your comfort

Btd probably isnt going to be something on this blog again minus that goretober prompt, if I wanted to post more on it I'd make a side blog and moderate who follows it

If its affecting you that you need to unfollow me I get it

I'm not gonna chastise or witch hunt someone bc they unfollow me for something justified

#anon #asks #long post

[thirteen-beaxhes]

Reasons (Tyrus One Shot)

Summary: TJ sees Amber and Cyrus spending more and more time together and hears something he shouldn't have. And now he's nervous.

Words: 3379

(Sorry about no read more im on mobile)

~~~~~~~~

"FUCK NATE JACOBS!“ TJ yelled as he slammed his laptop shut, finding himself suddenly pulled towards the store to find and buy glitter to put on his face. Euphoria's impact.

TJ sighed, leaning against the headboard of his bed, trying to come back to the real world after having been immersed in a world of spinning camera shots, glitter and neon lights. He picked up his phone, but immediately set it down in disappointment. Still no texts from Cyrus.

Now, TJ wasn't a worrier. He never worried about Cyrus not texting him back. But, it had been a solid 7 hours (a fact he knew because he had watched all 8 episodes of Euphoria at a stretch), but still no message back. So one could understand why he was slightly concerned.

Over the next couple of minutes, TJ repeatedly picked up and set down his phone, debating whether to call Cyrus or not. On one hand, he wanted to hear Cyrus' voice since it was one of his favourite sounds in the world, other than Zendaya's voice. But in the other hand, he didn't want to come across as the clingy, annoying and weird person he was worried people would see. And his relationship with Cyrus was so new, and so so so important to him. And he didn't want to do anything to ruin it.

After much debate, TJ finally just quickly oressed 'Call' and put the phone to his ear, squeezing his eyes shut.

But just then, from the general direction of Amber's room, he heard the unmistakable voice of Lady Gaga start to croon. But, that was Cyrus' ringtone.

Keeping the call going, TJ got up from the bed, slowly opening the door as he ventured down the hall to Amber's room. The door was open about three inches, and TJ lowered the phone, to hear the sudden stop of the music.

"Sorry, it was TJ," he heard, and TJ's eyes went wide. Cyrus' voice.

"Nah it's cool," Amber laughed, and TJ backed away from the door slightly. He thought for a moment, then walked back a bit, and started to stomo down the hall, throwing open Amber's door as if he were walking up to it totally normally, not at all because he heard his boyfriend's voice from inside.

"Hey Amber where's mom?" TJ asked casually as he threw open her door. Not really a lie. He did wanna know where his mom was.

The sight of Amber and Cyrus staring back at him, TJ could only describe as deer caught in the headlights or that one picture of Sophie Turner and Joe Jonah at a restaurant. The look of shock and a bit of nervousness honestly made TJ's heart sink a bit, but he didn't let it show on his face that he was sad that he scared the two people he cared about the most. He instead acted our a double take of sorts, looking at Cyrus.

"Oh hey Cy, didn't know you were here. I was trying to call you haha."

Haha??? He said haha out loud?????

"Maybe if you pulled your head out of the laptop you would realise she went out for groceries, dickwad," Amber said, rolling her eyes. Cyrus laughed, and TJ just stuck his tongue out at her, moving to sit on her bed, Cyrus and Amber scrambled slightly, pushing something under the dresser worriedly.

"Sorry I had important things to do, budget thanos," TJ retorted, and Amber threw a slipper at him.

Cyrus, who all this while was laughing, patted TJ's knee softly, drawing his attention along with a soft smile. "Who's Nate Jacobs?"

"A bitch," TJ said solemnly, and Amber snorted. Cyrus looked between the two of them in confusion.

"Is he someone from school? Is he bothering you? Cuz I know I don't look like much but I'll get Buffy to hurt him?"

"No no, Underdog," TJ laughed, interlacing their fingers. "He's a TV show character. From Euphoria. The show I just spent 7 hours watching and just finished."

"So you didn't pass out in your room?" Amber said, and TJ rolled his eyes, looking at Cyrus, squeezing his hand.

"Sorry for calling by the way, you just hadnt texted back in that time so I just called. I didn't know you were here," He said softly, and Cyrus smiled, shaking his head. "By the way, what are you doing here?"

At that question, Cyrus' eyes grew slightly panicked, a fact TJ could see him desperately try to hide. He looked over at Amber, who coughed, pulling TJ's attention away.

"Uh, he actually came by earlier looking for you!" Amber said, and TJ raised an eyebrow. "Um, he, uh, saw you were engrossed so he and I were talking."

"Oh that's cool," TJ said, dropping the subject even though it made no sense. Cuz earlier just then, Cyrus made it obvious he didn't know that TJ was watching a show. "Well, don't let me stop you," TJ said with a smile before leaving to scroll aimlessly through Twitter.

As he walked out of Amber's room, TJ wanted to stay to hear their conversation, and for a moment he leaned towards the door and caught some murmurs. But soon, he shook his head, pushing those thoughts out of his head.

He was acting like a jealous, protective boyfriend. Who had to know Cyrus' all conversations and whereabouts. Cyrus had known Amber longer. Only fair theyd be talking about something. If he listened in, how wouldthat make him better than fucking Nste Jacobs.

That thought was enough to send a shudder down TJ's spine and he walked back to his room, playing Pink Floyd through his speakers and letting the music wash over him.

He was just overreacting.

*

It happened a lot more, TJ would pass by Amber's room, rubbing his eyes sleeping on the hunt for some coffee or good, and he would hear Cyrus' crystal clear laugh, cutting through the air like a killer song. And Amber shushing him almost immediately after. And then some whisoered mutters, followed by soft giggles. Every now and then, his name floated through the air.

Every time he heard this, TJ couldn't help but smile at Cyrus and Amber, they were both so stuoidly adorable. But the whispered mutters and the low voices scared him, and he hated that they did. Every time he heard them, he wanted to lean in, listen in, so that he could confirm it wasn't about him, that they weren't laughing about him behind his back.But every time he leaned forward, he'd shake his head, pushing those unsure thoughts from his head. Because TJ KIPPEN WAS NOT LIKE FUCKING NATE JACOBS.

Okay, maybe Buffy and Andi were correct in saying he was slightly obsessed with Euphoria. But on the other hand, Marty and Jonah agreed with him and all of them cried over Ethan and Fez every lunch.

On what felt like the millionth occasion, TJ was passing Amber's room, but for the first time, there were no voices at all. TJ just shrugged to himself, figuring that maybe Amber had finally decided to leave the house and go ask Andi out. But he was soon proven wrong when he heard voices from the kitchen over the sound of their microwave making popcorn.

"So when are you gonna tell him?" Amber asked, and TJ stopped short, staying hidden behind the corner.

He shouldn't listen he shouldn't listen he shouldn't listen.

But in the end, curiosity and nervousness won out, and TJ squeezed his eyes shut, listening in as Cyrus sighed. It wouldn't be so bad.

"I don't know," Cyrus said softly. "I was just gonna send a text. But this seems more like a face to face thing, right?"

TJ furrowed his eyebrows, racking his brain as to what could Cyrus be talking about while Amber scoffed and presumably rolled her eyes.

"Yeah duh, this is life-changing stuff. You don't wanna seem like a coward sending a text about something like that."

"Yeah I guess you're right. But what if he doesn't agree?" Cyrus asked, and TJ was losing his mind behind that wall.

"You just need to tell him Cy," Amber said, opening the microwave. "It'll be easier for everyone."

TJ stood there rooted to the spot, letting the words wash over him until it clicked what it all meant.

Cyrus wanted to break up with him.

No. Why would Cyrus wanna break up with him? Things were good!

Were they? Or were they only good for TJ? And all the while Cyrus had been unhappy and now was asking Amber help to break yo with him.

Why would Cyrus wanna break up with him? There had to be a reason.

TJ drew a shaky breath, risking a glance around the corner to see the two laughing and starting to head in that direction. With the speed rivalling that of Usain Bolt, TJ sprinted to his room, closing the door and collapsing onto his bed.

As he sat up against the headboard, TJ just grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be the hoodie from Cyrus' bar mitzvah party, and hugged it to his chest, feeling too exhausted to even put on some music. He just let himself think.

Was he overthinking? Probably. But what else could Amber and Cyrus have been talking about? Texting to break up with someone is a common coward choice, and talking about agreeing? Mutual break up.

But it wouldn't be mutual, TJ thought to himself, a choked sob escaping his lips, as he quickly pressed a hand against his mouth, stifling the sound. He couldn't have the two to know he had heard them, and knew what was happening. So he just leaned against his headboard, letting his mind storm.

After some time, he heard his door creak open and Cyrus walked in, smiling softly but soon it creased into a look of worry.

"Teej, is everything okay?" He asked softly, and TJ looked up, hastily plastering a smile on his face.

"Of course, why wouldn't it be?" He said, his voice cracking.

Cyrus narrowed his eyes, walking up gingerly to him and sitting down on the bed, pulling TJ into a hug. Despite what he now knew, TJ couldn't help but lean into it, breathing in Cyrus' cologne and instantly feeling at home.

Even if he knew it was a lie.

After Cyrus left, not before leaning to kiss him softly, a dopey smile on his face, TJ pushed himself off the bed and headed toward his table, tearing out a piece of paper from his notebook as he slid into his chair. He picked up a pen, and taking a deep breath, wrote down:

Reasons why Cyrus probably wants to break up with me

*

The list had been long, unsurprising to TJ. And after he had finished writing it, he just left it on his desk, tear stains and all. He was exhausted, and ended up falling asleep on his table itself. After he woke up, bleary eyed and paper marks on his cheeks, he stuffed that list into his drawer and pushed himself up, heading to school, the thoughts haunting his every step.

The weeks that followed were fraught with anxiety for TJ, as he kept a close watch on his words, and kept his guard up around Cyrus. He didn't want it to seem like something was obviously wrong, but even so, it was only a matter of time before Cyrus noticed him being distant and confronted him about it.

"Is everything okay?" Cyrus asked, walking up to TJ as he closed his locker.

"Yeah, of course," TJ said quickly, and Cyrus raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Cuz you've been really on edge the past couple weeks. And you're kinda distant. Did I do something?" He asked nervously, and TJ reached forward, grabbing Cyrus' hand.

"No no of course not! I've just been worried about the tests," TJ said, smiling as he brought up Cyrus' hand to kiss it. But as he lied through his teeth, his mind screamed.

Just tell me what's the reason what did I do why do you wanna leave me what did I do did I do something Cyrus.

But he never said it.

It was morning, and TJ woke up to his phone incessantly vibrating. He groaned, rolling over onto his side, picking up his phone. He squinted at the name, and smiled to himself as he saw 'Cy💗' staring back at him. But that brief moment of bliss dissolved into panic when he read the words.

Cy💗: swings at 4 please?

No emojis, no nothing.

This was it. The end.

TJ drew a shaky breath, but then squeezed his eyes shut as he glanced at the date.

Their anniversary. Did he have to leave him crumpled on the ground on their anniversary? Really? That had to be another level of cruel.

As the day went on, TJ's fear grew, the scenarios growing worse and worse. Finally, as he lay in bed, he realised that the only way things wouldn't be as bad, is if TJ did it first, if he told Cyrus that he understood (even though he didn't), and that he knew why he wanted to break up with him (even though he didn't know). And then he would walk away, pretending everything was fine, until he reached home , and then he would go into his room, play his music loud and let the tears fall. And he would ignore Amber until it got too much and then cry down her shoulder as he asked her why she didn't just tell him. He had it all planned out.

TJ reached the awings earlier than planned, and so he sat there, swinging slightly. As he waited, TJ pulled out the bow slightly crumpled list he had made that night, turning it over as he read through it, steeling his nerves for what was to come.

"That swing taken?" a voice said, and TJ turned around to see Cyrus walk up behind him, a small smile on his face. TJ flashed a quick smile at him before getting up from the swing.

"Only by you," He said softly. Cyrus stood across from him, wringing his hands nervously.

"I need to tell you something," He said, and TJ felt his heart sink. Here it goes.

"I know what you're gonna say," TJ said, looking down at his shoes. That seemed to catch Cyrus off-guard, and he blinked in surprise.

"You, you know?" Cyrus asked, nodding slowly, eyes wide. "Oh, okay. Huh."

"Yeah," TJ said sadly. "And I understand." He sighed.

Cyrus looked at TJ weirdly, narrowing his eyes. "You understand?"

"Yeah I do," TJ said, looking up finally. "I understand why you wanna break up with me."

"Break, break up with you? What?" Cyrus asked incredulously, but TJ wasn't listening to him, running over the words he had rehearsed by himself as he had lay awake at night.

"Well, I don't understand because I don't know the reason why, so I made a list," TJ said quickly, pulling out the paper, his hands shaking as he gulped nervously. His voice was rising in pitch the more he felt the panic and fear wash over him, pulling him deeper and deeper in. "Just tell me which one it is. Okay here goes."

TJ coughed slightly, and Cyrus tried to cut in, but TJ started reading off the list.

"Okay. 'I'm mean. I'm clingy. I'm intimidating. I'm a coward cuz I couldn't tell people about us until 2 months ago. I'm annoying and weird. I'm stupid. I'm dumb, and not smart enough. I'm weird. I'm not good enough for you. I'm just a jock who will peak in high school and you deserve so much better than that. Im annoying. I'm clingy.' Fuck, I wrote those twice," TJ mumbled, his breath hitching regularly, the words getting more and more choked up, and Cyrus stepped forward, trying to get him to stop, but TJ just rubbed his nose, crumpling the paper, his hands shaking. "Um, some more are probably, I text you too much, and I'm a horrible person cuz I eavesdropped on yours and Amber's conversation in the kitchen and that's when I heard about you wanting to break up with me and I'm such a bad person I can't believe I did that even after I promised myself to not be like fucking Nate Jacobs," TJ sobbed, pressing his hand against his mouth. At that, Cyrus finally lunged forward, grabbing his hands, pulling TJ into a hug.

"TJ, what are you talking about?" He mumbled, and TJ rested his head on Cyrus' shoulder, breathing shakily.

"You and Amber were talking about telling me about breaking up and I overheard and I shouldn't have, cuz I never thought id be the prying boyfriend but that's what i became," TJ said quietly, breathing heavily. "And I'm so fucking sorry, you deserve so much fucking better than me, and you're right to want to break up with me I just don't know how I'll handle it."

"TJ," Cyrus whispered quietly, pulling away and cupping his cheeks. "I don't want to break up with you. I would never want to break up with you."

"W-what?" TJ said, taking a deep breath. He was now even more confused. "You, you don't?"

"Of course not," Cyrus whispered, his voice now cracking too. "But the fact that you made a list of reasons why I would, and are so broken, it kills me TJ. Because none of it is true."

"You don't have to act nice," TJ said quietly, looking down. Cyrus narrowed his eyes, and pulled the crumpled piece of paper from TJ's hand and opened it.

"Since you don't believe me, here are the reasons why Cyrus does not want to break up with you," He started with a small smile, and TJ coughed into his sleeve as he looked at Cyrus.

"You're the kindest person I know. You're always there to keep me safe, and I love hanging out with you how much ever time it is. You're strong and confident, but a sweetheart who is the nicest person ever. And you are not a coward because you didn't tell people, in fact you are so brave for even telling one person about us, Teej. You're unique and incredible and amazing. You are so damn smart it amazes me sometimes. You are more than just a jock, and you are gonna do amazing things. You are perfect for me, Thelonious Jagger Kippen," Cyrus said, and TJ laughed at hearing his name. "You don't text too much at all, and I don't know who the fuck Nate Jacobs is but he seems like a douche so fuck him."

It took TJ a minute to realise that Cyrus had been going down the list he had made, countering every point he had written. He looked up at Cyrus with a watery smile, letting out a sigh. Cyrus smiled back at him, tracing his cheek.

"That, and so many more reasons, is why I love you TJ."

It felt like all the air had been knocked out of TJ's lungs, and he looked at Cyrus in shock and ecstasy. "What?"

"That's what Amber and I were talking abour," Cyrus said quietly, his smile falling a bit. "About me telling you I love you. That's why I asked you to meet me here. That and this," He said, pulling out a small box from his jacket.

TJ opened the box, his hands shaking slightly, and he let out a small laugh as he saw the blueberry macadamia muffins staring back at him.

Cyrus smiled. "I was asking for Amber's help to make it, and for how to tell you."

TJ smiled, looking down. "So, you don't wanna break up with me?"

"Never," Cyrus whispered, touching his forehead to TJ's. TJ sighed, wrapping his arms around Cyrus' waist.

"Thank God," He whispered, and pulled Cyrus into a hug, one that he never wanted to leave.

"Oh, and Cy?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you too."

Those words were enough for Cyrus to break into a big smile, pulling TJ down for a kiss.

Maybe things were better than TJ thought.

~~~~~~~~

Sorry this kinda sUCKS

General taglist:

@imhereforthetryus @thelonious-jagger-smitten @youve-got-to-be-kippen-me @tjskipping @luzawithoutu @heart-eyes-kippen

#man i made one too many euphoria refs #but #fuck nate jacobs #andi mack #tyrus #my fic #tyrus one shot #tyrus fanfic #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #tj x cyrus #thelonious jagger kippen #tyrus fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic

[ju1ian]

this is a very long post about an OC i wrote for Fallout New Vegas.

i never got around to actually laying out Julius’ whole story line, and i don’t think i ever will, so im gonna summarize it. (it ended up being kinda long sorry) im gonna put it under a read more but idk what that means for mobile users, please forgive me. blacklist ‘fonv’ or ‘Courier: Julius’ if you don’t wanna see this.

-gets shot by Benny -wakes up in Goodsprings with absolutely no memories, no name, and INT. 1 -sets out on a journey motivated by nothing else other than finding Benny and killing him. -meets Vulpes in Nipton, likes him a lot. has no idea what or who The Legion is. -meets Arcade in Freeside after getting stabbed, likes him a lot too. (these are conflicting interests.) -stays in Freeside for a short while helping people (the kings, the followers, etc.) forms a strong friendship with Arcade. -makes it to The Strip, kills Benny, finishes his delivery, tells House to fuck off. -travels back to The Fort to meet with Ceasar and see Vulpes again, brings Arcade. -Caesar gives him the name Julius. Vulpes gives him a Legion brand on his left shoulder blade. (this is important for later) -becomes very attached to Vulpes (has a strong romantic interest in him), forms a father-son like bond with Caesar, easily becomes a stand in for Joshua Graham in Caesars life except a whole lot dumber. (extreme endurance and blood lust.) -relationship with Arcade becomes strained to the point that Arcade decides to break things off and abandon him. -kills Arcade to stop him from leaving him, falls into a depression.  -takes work with the Happy Trails Caravan to distract himself from how upset he is, doesn’t tell anyone he’s leaving. -meets Joshua Graham in Zion, they are similar but very different.  -Joshua tries to get him to leave, because he reminds him too much of Ceasar and the Legion, but Julius refuses, and explains why he can’t go home. -spends a lot of time with Joshua Graham, learns about God, doesn’t really understand it, but he likes him. quickly forms a father-son like bond with Joshua as well. In this time, he works though his regret and depression surrounding Arcade’s death. -helps defeat the While Legs, but doesn’t let Salt Upon Wounds be spared. -tries to convince Joshua Graham to come back to the Mojave with him because he needs him, but Joshua refuses. (he stills gives him a set of those sweet clothes though) -before he leaves, Joshua urges him to try and reevaluate his choices concerning Caesar and the Legion. -returns to the Mojave and The Fort in those sweet ass clothes. Everyone thought he was dead. -tells Vulpes and Caesar about his cool trip. Caesar thinks it’s bittersweet. Vulpes thinks it’s stupid. -gets sent on a recon mission at Camp Mccarran, where he comes into contact with his sister who he has no memory of. She is an NCR soldier.  -she tries to talk to him, using his real name, which is Marc-Antony. she reveals to him that they were both NCR soldiers, but he left due to being tired of the NCR’s ways. -he has no memory of this, and doubts it as fact. however, she reveals to him that they both has NCR tattoo’s on their left shoulder blades.  -when she tries to show him this, she finds that his has been branded over with the Legion bull. by telling him this, he realizes Vulpes knew the whole time that he was former NCR, and didn’t tell him.  -he still tries to deny that his sister is telling him the truth, and leaves Camp Mccarran with unwanted information, and a migraine. -over the next few weeks, he starts to get more unwanted memories about his life, and starts to pull away from Vulpes and Caesar, no longer trusting them. he believes they have used him as a blank slate because he was without memories and willing to comply with whatever they wanted from him. -regains full memories of his life as Marc-Antony, and can’t reconcile that with the life he’s been living as Julius. this leads to him abandoning his place at the Fort and hiding out in the Mojave while he tries to make sense of his life. -while hiding out, he get’s the Mysterious Radio Broadcast on his pip boy and decides to investigate it, ends up in Big MT.  -gets lobotomized by the scientists there. -has a lot of time to reflect on his life and his choices while trying to find a way out of Big MT. -once he finally helps the scientists, and settles things between the Think Tank and Mobius, he decides to ask them if they can remove his memories before they give him his brain back. -they comply, and he decides to rid himself of the memories of Marc-Antony’s life, deciding he was much happier as Julius, in his life with Vulpes and Caesar. -returns to the Fort, where everyone thought he was dead once again.  -Vulpes is especially happy to see him back to his old self, and not distant like he had been before he disappeared. -Caesar sends him to battle at the Hoover Dam. They win.  -he lives a relatively happy life with Vulpes for a few years. -due to his incredibly bad karma, one day while he’s partaking in his favorite drink Sunset Sarsaparilla, he accidentally drops a bottle of it on the ground, the cap flies off and hits him in the forehead, killing him instantly. 

-important notes that would be explained further in detail if i ever actually wrote this in depth like i want to- -Julius is compelled to collect eyeglasses. this is because Marc-Antony actually needs glasses to see clearly, Julius just thinks the world is a bit blurry. -Julius adds Arcade’s eyeglasses to his collection once he is dead. -Julius routinely sends Joshua Graham letters from the Fort once he returns, but Joshua never writes back.  -Julius favorite food is Radscorpion Venom Casserole, but he can almost never eat any because he chews on the inside of his cheeks. -Once he gets those clothes from Joshua Graham, he never takes them off.

#courier: julius #fonv #fallout new vegas #long post #fallout oc #im sorry this is so long and probably not interesting to anyone but me #i just wanted to write all this down #and share it with anyone who might be interested in my ocs or my writing

[ladyofpurple]

here it is: the post Literally no one was waiting for. i'd put it under a read more thing but i'm on mobile and can't be assed to get out of bed so fuck it. we air our dirty laundry on main for the world to see like men.

so waaay back in february or something, i started seeing a psychologist again. i'd been seeing a psychologist for a while last year, but she had a private practice and got too expensive over time, so i had to stop. now, however, i finally got a referral to the public mental health offices in my county. which is nice, because norway has this neat thing that means when you go to the doctor, public health care facilities, refill prescriptions for medications you have to take daily, etc, the money you spend on those things gets recorded and after you've spent like $260, you get a free card that gets logged into your medical records and you don't have to pay for any of those things for the rest of the year.

anyway, i mentioned a couple of years back that i finally got put on antidepressants for the first time. they helped a lot, but then i just... stopped taking them. there wasn't a reason, really. i just forgot to take them one week when i was stuck in bed with a headcold, and then it was hard to get back in the habit again. i tried to get back on them off and on for a long time, but i'd inevitably just forget again. until, like, i wanna say november/early december last year? i started taking them again. there were still some slip-ups every now and then, but for the most part i took them almost every day. any gaps were no longer than two, maybe three days at the most, and those gaps were maybe once a month or so on average. averages aren't really useful in this context, but i hope you get the idea.

anyway, i finally convinced my doctor that, no, seriously, i really need to see a psychologist, i've always needed to see psychologists my whole life, seeing psychologists help me, i can't afford a private psychologist so i need a public one, and after a lot of begging and insisting on my end and a lot of hemming and hawing on her end she finally agreed to refer me. except she forgot to actually send the email she'd been typing in front of me, and then she quit, so there was a lot of confusion and time spent sorting things out until i got my first appointment.

i didn't like my psychologist at first. she was way older than i'm usually comfortable with (that's a personal me-problem that i know is irrational, and i'm not gonna go into the why but yes i'm working on it), and very blunt in an exasperated sort of way. she made me angry sometimes. she made me feel like i wasn't trying hard enough. but she helped me get shit done, so i guess she was doing something right.

in june she called in a psychiatrist to help adjust my medications, so i started taking zoloft in addition to the other medication (remeron, aka mirtazapine) that i was already taking. the mirtazapine was helping with my depression, but my anxiety was still pretty bad. the zoloft helped.

by my second appointment with my psychologist, she asked me whether i could have adhd, or if there was a history of it in my family. now, i have a lot of family with adhd (how closely related we are by blood is a bit of a mystery to me, my family tree is more like an overgrown hedge and who knows who fits where), and my grandma used to joke that the women in our family "all have a little bit of that adhd brain in us", but as far as i knew, nobody in my immediate, direct bloodline had such a diagnosis. i had my suspicions about myself, of course — i knew that not every focus or attention related problem necessarily has a specific attention disorder source, but i also knew that what i was experiencing couldn't be "normal," in the sense that if i walked into a room with 100 people in it, 86 of those people wouldn't necessarily look at a list of my symptoms and go "oh same hat." i've had add on my about me for a while now. maybe that was silly of me; i hadn't been diagnosed with it, and what i knew about the specifics of it were picked up piecemeal off the internet. you know, that super-reliable place where everyone is honest and factual all the time?

anyway, this began the process of investigating the merits of such a potential diagnosis. research was begun. questionnaires were taken. my mom was invited to one of my sessions, in which she revealed that, oh yeah, bee tee dubs, she's always suspected i have adhd. did she mention that she has also apparently always suspected ocd and that i'm autistic? no? whoops, well, she has now.

end of june i was referred to the neuropsychologist devision of the public health care place. over the course of a little over 6 weeks i went in for 2 interviews, in which i answered several questionnaires, talked about my life and childhood and traumas and what my mom had told me about her pregnancy and labor, every possible symptom i'd ever had, and was sent home with even *more* questionnaries. in addition to these, i went in for two rounds of "testing," in which i was tested on my memory, pattern recognition, reaction time, impulse control, and probably a dozen other things. i was nervous. it was exhausting. i wanted answers but was terrified of what those answers would be.

end of august, my mom came with me for the big reveal. and guess what? she was right. primary diagnosis: adhd, special emphasis on the attention deficit part. bonus diagnosis: asperger syndrome. surprise! i'm autistic, i guess.

it was hard to come to terms with. which sounds really silly, since i wouldn't have even been taking those tests if i didn't think the outcome was a possibility. and it's not like the diagnoses were surprising either. the adhd part was easier to accept, mostly because i already felt pretty confident i had it. but the asperger diagnosis was harder. having to unlearn all those ingrained ableist stereotypes and social stigmas is hard, especially when you had some you didn't even realize were there. it's very surreal to think a thought and be like "no, wait, i do that. that joke is about me." it's a very surreal and slightly upsetting experience to realize how biased you are as general rule, but especially about a facet of your own identity you weren't aware of. and the feeling of everything and nothing changing all at once. i've always been like this. a doctor telling me i have two cognitive/developmental disabilities isn't an event that magically gave me these disabilities. my brain has always worked like this. the only difference between me now and me a year ago is that i have an official, medical reason for Why now.

that's another thing: coming to terms with the idea of being "developmentally disabled." it's not like i'm suddenly a different person — i have to constantly remind myself that my brain has always been like this. but having a piece of paper confirming that i am legally entitled to special allowances in the workplace or at school because i have not one, but two "disabilities" is absolutely buckwild to me.

it makes me reevaluate my life and my past. how many situations did i make worse because i did not have the capacity or knowledge about how my own brain works to self-reflect? was i high-functioning in the past because life was simpler? was it because i subconsciously had a better handle on what works for me and what doesn't, and somewhere along the way i lost that? or was it simply because i didn't have the option to be anything other than high-functioning? it's confusing.

i also lost my spot at college. i can still reapply next year if i want, but at least now i know why i was failing out lmao

anyway, by my birthday in september we started the process of adjusting my medication again. upping my zoloft, getting me off remeron, and as of 6 weeks ago or so, beginning ritalin.

it was a rocky start, but i'm up to 60mg now. two pills in the morning, one in the afternoon. i have a goddamn alarm for 8am every day, even weekends. my sleeping is still wonky, but at least im genuinely tired by 8pm every night. the psychiatrist still wants me to try melatonin for a month (even though i told her multiple times it has never worked for me, and my problem has never been "i'm not sleepy enough"), so i'm on a whopping 2mg of melatonin for the next 30 days. norwegians are fucking WEIRD about melatonin, don't even get me started.

a slightly unexpected side-effect (on my end) of these medication changes: remeron made me gain weight. like, a lot of weight. and i was constantly hungry all the time, overeating to ridiculous amounts. why did nobody ever tell me that weight gain and metabolism changes are a side-effect of anti-depressants? i was more active this summer than i'd been in, like, three years and i just got fatter. which was incomvenient because i kept outgrowing my clothes. anyway, a side effect of ritalin is a loss of appetite and general weight loss. the combination of regularly taking ritalin and dropping remeron entirely? i eat a fraction of what i used to before, i've almost entirely stopped snacking, and i've lost 15 lbs in less than a month. i've already noticed my face is slightly slimmer now. maybe by christmas i'll be able to fit into my old tshirts again.

anyway, my psychologist quit, so i have a new one now. i've only seen her a few times, but she's veeeery different from my old one. i can't decide if i like her or not.

in the middle of all this, i've been going to the social security office as well to kind of get some of my own money, possibly help me get a job at some point in the future. my caseworker is super nice. if she's over 30 i'd be shocked. i relate to her really well, she's very helpful and understanding, and she's very patient with me and my bullshit. she's the kind of person where if we met at a party or something we could probably hang out.

anyway, she's helped me get out of the house sometimes. she introduced me to this youth club volunteer group thing called the fountain house, designed for young people who've dealt with or are currently dealing with mental illnesses and such. i hung out there yesterday and the day before and did some basic office work. it's nice. and then there's a work placement place that can either give you a job on site in one of their four departments, or help you get a job at an actual business elsewhere with more support and leniency than you might get if they just hired you off the street. i'd start in their second hand store. they clean and restore all donations they recieve, and they're super fucking cheap. i treated myself to my literal lifelong dream of owning a vintage typewriter (!!!!!) yesterday, because it's almost christmas and goddammit, i've been doing so much shit the past couple of months i deserve it. do i have space for it? not really. do i have a plan on what to use it for? no. was it heavy and miserable trekking through the snow and rain yesterday back and forth? was it worth the backache in the morning? fuck yeah it was.

a fucking lot of things are happening all at once. diagnoses, medications, lifestyle changes, work placement, social clubs, dealing with bureaucracies on all sides just so i can feel like a person again, not to mention juggling hobbies like writing and drawing and maintaining my irl friendships. i'm getting as many balls rolling as i can while i have the opportunity and mental/emotional capacity to, but i'm worried i'll burn out again. i'm stabilizing and slowly building my life back up, but jesus christ it would suck if this stupid house of cards collapsed again. but i'm tentatively optimistic. who knows, maybe it's not to late to course-correct my mistakes.

so long story short, that's why i've barely been active on tumblr for months. that's why i haven't been writing, drawing, or reading fic. it's coming along, but it's slow.

i guess the most important thing is that it's coming along at all.

#the tmi nobody asked for and will probably never read — you're welcome #Lady of Purple's slice of life #mental illness #medication #adhd #autism #personal

[veinsinneon]

Hi your story confused me a bit.what happened with logan?they were acting like couple but now someone is in the picture 😐and he said he loved her to his mom i dont get they love each other actually but they dont want to be couple?i am really confused about it.what she was talking to that guy about she must tell about astrid to logan?

it's gonna be long so sorry (im on mobile and can't put it under read more)

ok well so ade and logan were together, broke up logan left home to new orleans and in that time ade found out she's preggo. 4 years pass by and logan comes back to chicago. during those 4 years ade met alec and they got engaged pretty quickly.

when logan and ade finally met he didn't know about astrid, ade wanted to tell him but she was constantly heavily manipulated by alec. so, logan found out by accident and from that time he and ade were co parenting, tried to give back astrid those 4 years without knowing logan.

now logan did mention to ade's grandma that he still loves ade, in that way how you still care about someone very much even after not being together, not talking. you still want the best for them. now this kind of love doesn't have to be a romantic one, kinda what greeks understood as agape (or latin caritas) instead of eros - more sexually driven love. but it can still morph into romantic love.

now ade cared about logan as well, she really wanted him to be healthy and addiction free. but she felt hurt, deep inside. and her relationship with alec was not the healthiest, he is very narcissistic, manipulative and abusive. he didn't care about ade as a person but only as someone he can break and build back up and it runs in a cycle. relationship like that is extremely hard to leave and after it constantly being horrible ade and logan grew closer together again, thanks to astrid. everyone around them knew that they have feelings for each other but both of them tried to find excuses and also do what was right - essentially ade not cheating on alec or breaking the engagement. but ofc she did finally snap out of it and realized that it does not have to be this compliated and she does really love logan

#ask #anon #spoilers #i guess