#if i get high the way i like to. i hurt.

[3knecrotic]

I. Am so. Fucking. Conflicted.

#dk speaks #vent #im so full of fucking rage #this pure boiling fucking anger #with Nothing to direct it to. #me? been there done that got the Junkie Ass Carving #her? she doesnt fucking deserve it. if i just had basic self con-fucking-trol we wouldn't even be In this mess in the first place #i am a god damn timebomb and i have No clue when or who I'll explode on. #at least when im high or drunk or on Anything that rage subsides. #no anger. no ticking. just pleasantries and sociability and joy and calm. #but when im sober? god forbid if i am Forced to be sober? #pft. i can't wait to see the God damn fireworks #because hopefully then it'll mean I've hurt everyone who could Ever care for me #or I've gone so far i pull a trigger before I can even Conceive the trauma I'll cause. #either way. i hurt. #if i get high the way i like to. i hurt. #if i stay sober for too long and get back to my regularly scheduled Thoughts. I Hurt. #there's pain either way. #fact of the matter is who am i gonna force to get it. #me. #or all. #let's find the fuck out.

[salemontrial]

Why the FUCK didn't Sasha apologize to Quinni.

#no im so pissed about that. #dude you don't give an autistic person a meltdown that big over something that hurtful #and just #walk away scot free #last time someone gave me a meltdown that hardcore I cut them off for a month. #that might just be the bpd tho #but still #quinni doesn't seem like the type to just. be chill without an apology and hearing sasha explain herself #and then she makes her her vice?????????? #she already acknowledged sasha is only in it for the power trip #sasha didn't even do anything in the investigation she just followed quinni around #which as she should #but she hasn't made up for how she treated quinni AT ALL #in fact she's just gotten MORE of a performative activist #like why the fuck was she such a bitch to missy abt spider #i get it yea. ur friends sometimes have dogshit taste in men but you don't need to make them feel like trash abt it #and the way she was like 'he fetishizes u for being black omg its probably asian girls next omg i dont feel safe' #THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU????????. #also she 100% jumpstarted quinnis identity crisis #with how she was constantly switching between infantilizing her and undermining her autonomy over her own decisions #and treating doing things quinni wanted to do and the specific way she needed to do them as a chore #and then victimizing herself!!!!!!! #like from experience that relationship dynamic IS abusive to autistic people it just is #idk if nt people get it but it's really fucking awful to come from your partner #anyway. until sasha apologizes to both quinni and missy this will continue to be a sasha hate page. #heartbreak high #heartbreak high season 2 #quinni gallagher jones #sasha so #missy beckett

[itwoodbeprefect]

stoic illiterate unwilling assassin deeply in love with unfailingly kind rich sad gay man almost stabs his crush's brother because the brother cares so much and so genuinely for the gay man that he searched assassin's room out of worry and found knives and a mysterious letter before being interrupted by the assassin who then does not want to show him the letter which seems incredibly suspicious, only for a later scene (after the gay man interrupts them and thus stops any escalation from happening) to quietly reveal that the very sus letter in possession of this illiterate assassin is not in fact a sign he's lying about being illiterate.... it's just two pages of him practicing the gay man's name over and over in neatly spaced lines...... a reveal which he was going to STAB a man over because he doesn't know that the gay man's brother knows the man is gay and loves him with his whole heart and would never ever do anything to hurt him........ i will never get over this, how could i ever get over this, everything else ever is going to be downhill from here

#yeah HI. if you are WONDERING. i am still being absolutely destroyed. utterly torn to pieces. smashed into a million happy little bits. by #to sir with love #it's not even the romance. though the romance is excellent and only getting better (and also hilarious. THE CHONBURI SCENES???) #but the siblings!!!! these brothers!!!!! everything in the world is trying to turn them against each other and every time i hold my breath #and every time!! without fail!!!! without hesitation even!!!!!! they go no. i love him and i trust him and he would never hurt me or i him. #and i CANNOT TELL YOU. how hard that's fucking me up. in the best of ways #it would be SO easy in a hiiiigh drama messy family show like this to go the easy route and just have the two sides of the family #actually fully at war with each other. or to have one of these brothers betray the other / let some misunderstanding fester #and 🤞🤞🤞 because i still have a good deal of show to go but so far. oh my goddddd. they choose each other. they choose each other always #anyway. if anyone reads this and is looking for some very high quality actually good soap melodrama. to sir with love is free on youtube

[raisinushigher]

am i just so far gone with these two that i can barely correctly comprehend anything they do toward eachother as normal casual interaction anymore or was this actually topher being worried about abe

#bc like…….. in my mind #topher is SUPER like way overprotective of abe. both in the way that he doesn’t want him to get hurt #and he also doesnt like anyone else getting really close to him but he’s calmed down with that one a little #and to me this is one of those moments where topher would 1000% just drop everything #if he thinks abe is in actual danger #dont talk about it much bc i hate them yada yada but seriously i love just… thinking about the most mushiest take on them as possible #like topher is legit in love with abe ya know hes never felt the way he does with abe around in his life ya know #that’s just what they are to me. and that’s what this moment here makes me feel and i have not gotten over it at all #probably won’t until s4 comes out. this is my new favourite crumb #and another thing #i can not lie. i did. get unreasonably excited and happy when abe said he’d come with joan to where topher is #and then later when he said he’d stay behind with topher and the bleacher creatures #im not Even gona reach and pretend it means anything cuz it doesn’t i just love them being together at all #clone high #tophabe #clone high spoilers #mine

[illegiblehandwriting1]

frankly i think the best way to differentiate fanon sky and canon sky is to take a look at groose's redemption arc. both forgive him for the bullying but fanon sky says "he didn't mean it!" Canon sky says "i deserved it"

(for reference, canon sky is sky as shown in the game/inferred directly from sksw)

#chicken scratch #smoke & ashes #lu sky #linked universe #would like to say that this post came to me about a hypothetical ghirahim redemption arc #and the post very nearly works albeit at a more extreme level (because yknow. the Murders) #but the problem is that groose antagonized link specifically #but ghirahim didn't give a shit about link he was just fucking around the first time you meet him #he only plays with link because he's in the way of getting to zelda #so link doesn't matter to him he just wants to hurt zelda #and that's the difference. theres why a ghirahim redemption arc would never work #sky doesn't give a shit about himself his low self esteem takes care of that #but as soon as you go after his loved ones it is over #sky is such an emotional person #he loves quickly and it's so easy to weasel your way into his heart #and it takes a very special kind of antagonization *cough hylia cough* to make him hate you forever #UNLESS you come after his friends. shortcut to being in the bad books forever. #he will kill you for one (1) corn chip #his low self love plus his high emotions and love for his friends equals this disaster of a man #and is why canon sky would never say i deserve it about ghirahim #he fully believes ghirahim is an asshole (which is true) and NOTHING he does is deserved #in skys mind nothing ghirahim did to him matters #it's the fact he wants zelda that means all bets are off and ghirahim's fucked #it's not about sky it's always about his loved ones #but i have indeed read fanfic where fanon sky is like oh this is ghirahim he tried to kill me it's all good now #so yea fanon sky would still say he didn't mean it #ok but like twisted ghira redemption arc where he realizes demise isn't the allpowerful master he thought #this god was just beaten by a pissed off teenager yknow what a fucking joke #anyway #ghira ends up thinking a lot about it being like so demise wasn't the right guy to follow

[gideonisms]

one thing about the tma & tmp writers is I know they understand having a job where the social vibes are incredibly strange. I appreciate their commitment to depicting work environments that are so unnecessarily stressful where everyone is trying to backstab everyone and form alliances but meanwhile it's just filing items on a computer. The petty drama feels very true to life

#i never get tired of workplace horror. give those people silly jobs #idk if anything can top the jon/tim unhinged combo of petty coworker drama with genuine hurt and pathos and tragedy but it's a fun start #don't get me wrong i love canon jonmartin but i just feel like the aspects of it i like are not really the aspects i see discussed most #jon really sent martin to his possible death because he annoyed him in s1. and i just think that's fun #then in s4 when the pining was REVERSED #s5 when martin weaponized jon's love for him to get his way in the most high stakes couple's argument of all time. chef kiss #they should have been more toxic i would have eaten that up #anyway. tmagp horrible coworkers sweep

[craycraybluejay]

yes i am an adult male who loves high school dramas this is because i literally never experienced normal coming of age drama like ever and am disconnected from the collective experience of having a relatable peer group forever hope that helps

#i JUST want to experience high school #without like. my whole shitty life thing having gone on #i want to go to high school and have stupid drama and sexuality crises and worries about grades #not... That #i never had that im never going to have that #can i get (one) permission to go a little crazy if i survive into a university #fuck everyone befriend and be-enemy everyone get all up in peoples stupid mind numbingly low stakes drama #i want that sweet golden experience where the worst thing ill ever fear is annoying my classmates #or accidentally spilling something on someone at a dance #i deserve it i deserve to have had a childhood and a young adulthood and a life #i deserve to have dealt with unserious issues to prepare me for bigger ones #rather than serious danger that leaves me permanently severed from normal people and life #and makes me incapable of reacting proportionally or finding it in me to care about less serious problems #like yes it sucks your mom is going to miss college graduation #but i thank my lucky stars that you are not dying or being abused or starved or beaten or exploited #i literally dont know how to take things seriously a lot of the time like im not able to even if i try #because to me the mildest real problem is someone purposefully isolating you and ruining your health #the MILDEST #i try to care ab simple stuff i really do i just CANT #and it sucks so much trying to be a good friend and kind feeling like i cant do enough #the loud thought 'i wish that hapoened to me/i wish i worried about that/i wish the people i love only had that as a problem' #i get so envious. like thank fucking god your parents divorced like normal adults when it should be over #thank fucking god that 'friend' cut you off when they were actively insulting you and betraying your trust #thank the fucking universe that shitty partner dumped you before you fkn hurt yourself over them #yk? #and its a 'mean/cold' way to think about it but i just dont have the capacity to think or feel the little picture #i can imagine my friends subjected to such horror even tho i dont want to

[lover-of-mine]

just had an ‘oh shiiiiit’ moment bc what if it isn’t chris who gets hurt playing basketball but actually eddie? looking at the script again from a different perspective, instead of maddie reassuring buck it could be maddie misunderstanding what happened

“it was an accident, [_] knows you didn’t do it on purpose”

‘buck doesn’t say anything’

“evan. you didn’t do it on purpose did you?”

to me that could read like maddie realising like “wait, DID he??” especially bc he says nothing after she first ‘reassures’ him, kinda gives off guilty vibes

maybe buck and eddie argue and buck lashes out and eddie gets hurt? not seriously obviously, just like pushed over and sprains his wrist or something and that’s why buck ‘hasn’t really talked to him’

🤯

Dude, I've been thinking about this but I haven't felt like actually saying anything because people can be mean lol, so I'm so with you on this. He could have very much hurt Eddie. Even more with the tendency this show has of putting buddie in situations in places we will never see again (the fountain, the equine therapy place, the graveyard) so a basketball court could absolutely fit that pattern, and like, things are rocky between them, is very easy to give that impression considering where they are on the season finale, and you take freshly broken up with Buck (if the Natalia is not coming back thing is true) and you create some sort of tension between the two, to have Buck react and do something dumb, and accidentally hurt Eddie, makes sense. Like push him too hard on a play, or throw a ball he would trip on, something that's an accident but could not be if Buck analyzes it enough. And it's really easy to get hurt on a basketball court, I played for like, 7 years, and dude, the dumb ways I hurt myself are ridiculous lol, so like, it could be Eddie and Buck is scared of his reaction. Chris is the easiest to assume, and easiest to hurt, a ball to his crutches and he sprains his ankle or something, but Eddie himself is very much still a possibility. And Eddie dismissing Buck if he tried to help makes more sense than Buck leaving a hurt Chris behind. Unless the situation involves the 3 of them and Eddie is gonna go full overprotective dad because initially it seems worse than it is, let's say there's a moment they think Chris actually broke a bone or something, that lashing out is a reaction we've seen from Eddie before, fear is a powerful things, so even if Eddie doesn't react towards him because he's worring about Chris, Buck assuming Eddie is mad at him could be based on some logic. Also Eddie getting hurt and just saying I'm fine, I'm gonna go home and ice it, and Buck absolutely spiraling that Eddie hates him now is super on brand for Buck.

#i think we are giving both buck and eddie too much credit #don't get me wrong i love both of them very much but like #they react extremely sometimes #so they can absolutely react extremely to each other in a high emotion situation #like for instance thinking Chris broke a bone in a situation Buck created #or even they are playing one on one and they are talking and playing and someone says something #and things get out of control in whatever way #the only way i see buck leaving a hurt Chris is if Chris himself asks him to leave #so theres a lot to speculate on that #its hard to settle on something #but yeah eddie himself is totally a possibility #911 speculation #911 spoilers #911 #anon 😌 #i really need a tag for asks

[reasonsforhope]

Crowdsourcing a question

Okay totally personal post here because, now that search engines suck, my research is failing me. So I'm crowdsourcing my question about the residential care work industry!

Hoping at least some of my followers have experience in/with the industry and some intel on this:

Actual question: How common is it for jobs in residential care work (residential centers, btw, not home care) to actually have two people on the night shift? vs. just saying they always have two people on the night shift in interviews and their official policies, and actually it's not true?

Because my current job was, it turns out, apparently totally lying about "you'll never be on shift alone with clients" at orientation (when it comes to the night shift, anyway). Which, holy fucking safety issues, Batman!

Suffice to say this was a very fun thing to find out like three days before my first regular shift

So, I'm thinking realllll hard about switching companies, and I'm trying to figure out if I could expect to actually have a coworker at a different company, or if it's like an open secret in the field that actually, basically all the night shifts end up being solo shifts, because the industry is so chronically understaffed or w/e

#not news #ask #me #ideally only answer if you actually have specific knowledge of or experience with the industry #technically I'm working with disabled clients but also open to other sectors of residential care work if I do get another job #so if it's something that differs by sector please do let me know! #thanks so much #safety issues are for both me and the clients btw #this is not like “I'm afraid of the clients” in any way #it's about the fact that if something happened and I got hurt #I am the only staff in that whole house until morning #and there is MAYYYYYYYBE one client who is actually physically capable of calling for help #if I can't for whatever reason #also!!! this is an incredibly vulnerable client population with horrifyingly high abuse statistics!! #they should not be leaving someone they literally just hired completely alone with the clients every night for eight hours??? #not gonna give more details for many obvious reasons #but like. just. no. don't do that. no. #in any residential care work facility imho but ESPECIALLY in this type of facility #also like if a client has a medical emergency #you're really gonna want both someone who can render aid AND someone who can call 911 and the on-calls and such #and yes the chaos and “surprises” around this job and scheduling is why I haven't been doing original posts lately #so answering also helps me get back to doing that sooner!

[phoenixcatch7]

I know 'person with secret to hide spots other person with secret to hide but doesn't say anything' is like. Thee trope in superhero crossovers, but come on! Some of these guys have been doing this for decades! There's tons of heroes that have gone to pretty extreme lengths to be Completely Imperceptible in civilian life.

Don't you think it's scarier, after all is said and done, to sit there and think I didn't notice a thing? I wouldn't have ever realised? I would never have known? To know that someone you were familiar with - close with, even! - had this whole other personality and skillset and powers and experiences and life just behind the curtain, and they hid it so completely you didn't even see it was there.

'I always knew there was something off' what if you didn't. How world shaking would it be to be so utterly blindsided? To know that this person had somehow learned to so deceptive?

#Strongly inspired by the dp x dc where Danny knows what up IMMEDIATELY or a bat clocks Danny as super suspicious within mins of meeting #Or the amount of reveal fics caused by the hero slipping up in some stupid way and getting themselves doxxed against their will #Like come on!! Full time heroes like superman or batman or Spidey go to great lengths to construct an entirely separate civilian persona! #And yes I know they've had their idiot moments when it comes to their identities but they've kept their secret rock solid for irl DECADES #What's an identity reveal without drama!! Shake it up! Stir the pot! Not a slow and gradual build up of suspicion and stress #But two high speed trains coming at right-angles and the audience is the only one who can see the incoming crash #Twist the knife in if you want. Make it HURT. Make it completely rewrite what they believed. #Short ID reveals are great for this because you can SEE the ripple effects spreading out as the story ends. Just BANG. #But also no ID reveal at all. The main character goes through the story regularly interacting with and developing character right alongside #A hero in hiding and no one is ever the wiser. You're a worker in WE fending off attempts to steal your inventions and Bruce Wayne #Invites you to his office to discuss security and he walks you back to your office when you get nervous about a break in. #You're struggling with school bullies and getting into trouble over your photography hobby and Peter Parker is right there alongside #You complaining about rich kids and fiddling with the outdated finicky lenses you got from the school. #You're a reporter unpicking a mystery scandal and you ask resident tank Clark Kent if he's able to play bodyguard if you go somewhere shady #The reader knows. No one else notices a thing. #And besides focusing on the civilian side is a nice change of pace! Let's see how they manage leading double lives! #What do I even tag this #batman #superman #Marvel #Dcu #spiderman #secret identity #identity reveal #long tags #captain marvel #miraculous ladybug #I know I know #hero and villain

[mokeonn]

One of my favorite things about being in my early 20s is that I'm starting to understand that I can use things not for their intended purpose. When you're growing up, you get told what an object is and what its intended purpose is, and as a kid/teen, I just accepted all of it at face value. As a young adult it's finally clicking that I can simply do things a different way if it makes me happier. Sure, I was taught that you stand to take a shower, but there's nothing stopping me from just sitting if I don't feel like it, ya know? I might have always had my medication in the kitchen, but if I'm no longer remembering to take it, I can just move it somewhere where I can remember. You don't have to specifically store all food in the kitchen, you can have a little snack cart or snack station in another room.

The downside to finding out the various ways you can use objects is that you develop habits that would probably go on an r/relationships post where everyone says you're a little freak.

#simon says #i just developed a new habit (it's too tmi to put here) and I just know that it's some weird shit #it works and it makes me feel better so I'm gonna keep doing it #but it's some shit that would end up viral where everyone would go 'yo op you should break up with them thats weird' 😔 #i was just thinking about this though because every week or so I learn that I can just do what I want #because there's no fucking object use police I can do what I want #i HIGHLY suggest getting into this habit. if you find something annoying or frustrating you can just do it differently #'I hate washing the dishes because my legs hurt from standing for so long' you can bring a chair and sit or you can break it up into chunks #like on the one hand I'm learning this because I have autism and a plethora of other mental disorders #and it's FINALLY clicking that I can self accommodate whenever and however I so please #I'm just sorta learning that if doing something makes me feel better/happy/gets the job done to do that thing #even if it requires using an object in an odd way #hell there's even some little things I've been playing with #for example: my whole life we sorta just lifted blinds only about halfway up #just sorta how we did it ya know #well recently I decided I wanted more natural light in the sunroom/my office so I wouldn't have to turn on the lamp #and I lifted the blinds all the way up to the very top #and honestly?? it fucking rules. the room looks nicer; i get natural light; i can see the forest out back and it's quite calming and nice #like for ages I just never thought about doing that because it just never occurred to me that I could #i just always put blinds about halfway up because that's about how high blinds do in my household #another little one I learned is that I can just... wash my hair #sometimes when I get too depressed or if my body doesn't need a shower but my hair is greasy #I just shove my head under the bathtub facet and wash my hair #it's just a small thing but for years if my hair needed to be washed I would just take a full shower #now I just fix my greasy hair. bc greasy hair is a huge ick for me but sometimes my body is still clean or im too tired to fully shower #like there's nothing stopping me from doing that and it doesn't hurt anyone. it's just a way of bathing that I wasn't taught #but yeah those are some recent examples of me learning I can just... do stuff differently #the free will is kicking in babes and it has decided I love finding ways to use things differently #it's why im doing a bg3 run where I just press loot all no matter what and use whatever I can in odd ways #anyways I might delete this later might not who knows

[lovecolibri]

Ahhhhh, Zac rolling that nat 20 for Gorgug to get the phone working and his call with Zelda and their first I love yous is SO sweet, it makes me melt every time! 😭😭😭 They are both SO awkward but trying SO hard to communicate about their feelings because it's important. I NEED Junior Year to explain what is going on with them RIGHT NOW because their relationship is so important to me 😭

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #sophomore year #gorgug thistlespring #zelda donovan #gorgug x zelda #i do not understand the hate zelda gets honestly #like she makes it clear that she knows he HAD to leave and the quest was important #but also makes it clear that it still hurt that she wasn't a priority and that made her feel bad #like??? would people prefer she just say 'oh not it's FINE' and then ice him out? because that's manipulative #or is she just not supposed to have ANY feelings about him leaving and not saying goodbye or taking a way to communicate #which she reminded him about before he left? #her reaction was SO true to the character brennan created that it baffles me that people don't get it #and even with all her shy awkwardness about expressing her feelings she thinks their relationship is important enough #to risk the embarrassment and let him know he hurt her feelings! #ANYWAY #i love them together and i'm brokenhearted about junior year so far and i need answers and i need them to work it out #for my own sanity

[thepoisonroom]

one of the funniest things about my worst ex that i didn't even know until this year is that they tried to use romantic lines on me that they'd lifted verbatim from casey mcquiston's red white and royal blue

#it was so wild to watch the movie v high and get physically bodied by already knowing all the lines without having read the book #thinking abt the poetry thing it's really interesting to think about people i've dated who really wanted a performance of romantic intimacy #but kind of didn't really know me that well or act like they liked me that much #sometimes it's like the other person isn't seeing you but their idea of what love and romance should be and that's what they're devoted to #so it's silly to me that they were so literally reading lines from a script that they didn't even write! #i don't mean this in a passive-aggressive I JUST THINK IT'S FUNNY way like it's genuinely very funny #i think when it was fresher this would have hurt my feelings a lot to know but now i can just be like wow loser behavior lmao #personal nonsense

[iguessitsjustme]

Because Pat doesn’t know how someone as good as Jeng can like someone like him, here is a list of some of Pat’s most endearing traits:

-So kind. He is so kind

-He works hard. Sure he might fuck up, but no one can say that he doesn’t try and he isn’t working

-He can be a goofball. A little silly. At the perfect moments.

-He is, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, a cutie patootie.

-He is thoughtful.

-He is capable of setting clear and reasonable boundaries in his personal life.

-No filter when drunk. Will ruin your life and tell you every last horrible thought he’s ever had if he’s drunk and it will be something you’ve always suspected of yourself but no one’s told you so directly before in such an unabashed way.

-Can’t cook but will cook for you. It’s a lot of instant noodles but who doesn’t like instant noodles? (*stares Put dead in the eyes*)

-Will unknowingly stare at you with puppy dog eyes and make you fall deeper in love

-Likes snacks

-Has good friends who are also open and accepting and love each other deeply

Pat really sells himself short. I could really go on forever. He sees Jeng as someone who is too good for someone like him, but what I see are two people that fit together like puzzle pieces. They both have their flaws and they both have so many good things about them as well. And those good things balance out each others flaws well. Pat is more straightforward and direct than Jeng, who, as much as I love him, has a tendency to beat around the bush. Jeng can seem kind of uptight and stern at times whereas Pat can seem somewhat childish. Jeng needs that childish whimsy and Pat needs that grounding sternness. But they also have a lot in common. They love their friends, they love helping people, and most importantly they love each other. Whether Jeng sees Pat’s love or Pat believes Jeng’s love, it’s clear that the love is there.

#step by step #step by step the series #step by step bl #it hurt to watch Pat put Jeng on a pedestal like that #it’s never fun to be placed on a pedestal #and to have Pat put himself down in order to do it #was just so heartbreaking #Jeng is a human and he’s flawed and he’s not perfect #and that’s the beauty of this show #is that the high powered scary bossman isn’t just some perfect stereotype and can do no wrong #Jeng is flawed and he has made mistakes and he has hurt #but at no point in this show has he ever put that hurt on anyone else and that’s why people see him the way they do #including Pat #but that breakdown that Jeng had after getting rejected was so beautiful because it showed Jeng at his most vulnerable #something I doubt he lets very many people see #but he was so strong for so long and he finally let it out and let it free and it was so good and heartbreaking to watch #Pat doesn’t know the power he has over this man #truly the most smitten man in the entire universe

[annamaryllis]

I would like to know exactly how luke asking annabeth to run away with him went down.

#annabeth🥺 #it's sad to think about how it'll be so much harder for annabeth to unpack and heal from that relationship bc he's dead #it's hard enough to come to terms with someone you love/held in high esteem hurting you so deeply #but she's also grieving him too so it's even harder to hold him accountable to herself and recognizing the good and the bad #she may struggle to not romanticize the memory of him #sorting through what about their relationship was pure and genuine and what was fueled by other stuff #both of their trauma really played into it in some of the worst ways... #but to even recognize how her trauma played into it she'd have to identify what her trauma even is and how it's affected her life #it's really complex and difficult work #and bc he's gone she'll never get to question him on stuff like what he was thinking at certain points and why #so certain things will never get the best closure #ugh it's all so fucked up #MAYBE SOMETHING WE COULD HAVE EXPLORED IN HOO RICHARD???? BUT NO #and it would have been perfect too bc she'd also be dealing with issues caused by both of her parents triggered by the MoA quest #like her mother's conditional love #and trauma from her mortal family #and her fear of spiders relates to both of these things bc it's a phobia that's passed down from her mom's actions #so she's being punished for something she's not responsible for and also being burdened with a quest simply for being her mother's daughter #and it also represents her mortal family's neglect bc they ignored her needs and all that... #AND THEN the only person she's received actually pure and good unconditional love from was snatched from her for 6 months #and the MoA quest could have been a way to confront some of these fears and wounds...so she's a little stronger by tartarus which #should bring out the best in her and the worst in percy #and then he can work through some stuff too down there #HoO could have been a journey for them where they're undone and then healed #bc at the end of everything they have the medicine to literally everything which is real love (which they have for each other intensely) #the rant I could go on about this...I have so many thoughts about what HoO should have been. maybe one day #annabeth chase #luke castellan #✏️

[8rujaa]

my therapist really saved me….

#tw abuse // tw sa #i can’t sleep bc i keep thinking about this. #like i probably would’ve not been here if it weren’t for her #i started seeing her january of 2023… my life has changed entirely since then and she was definitely the one who got the ball rolling #literally so much has changed since then and it’s all because of her #i was so dissociated during our first few sessions #thanks to her i was able to get diagnosed and medicated for adhd. i was able to realize i was in an abusive situation and plan a way out #i was able to focus on myself and my healing and she’s helped me reframe so much of my negative thinking #i was able to process a lot of emotions and become a better version of myself with each session #she’s truly incredible. #i remember the first comment she made about the relationship had been ‘’so it’s like there’s an imbalance of control in the relationship’’ #i had put my partners on such a high pedestal that i had no idea they could be doing anything wrong #and i asked her what she meant and she said ‘from what you’ve been describing it’s sounds like a strict parents and child type of dynamic’ #she told me they didn’t need to understand why i wanted to leave and they didn’t need to make that decision. if that’s what was going to be #best for me the only thing i could do is let them know my reasoning and simply leave. i didn’t need their permission.’’ #i remember being so confused at that realization bc like… i had been putting their emotions over mine the whole time i had forgotten simply #doing what’s best for me was an option… l #ever since then i’ve been putting myself first and it’s been a steady uphill from rock bottom… i’ve made an incredible amount of progress #when i first started with her getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen was incredibly difficult and took all my strength. #yesterday i conquered a mountain!!!!!!! i hiked all the way to the top!!!!! :D #me a year ago thought it was going to take me years and years to recover. as soon as i left i made leaps of progress #im incredibly proud of myself and grateful for her. and my reiki lady she’s also been a great great help. #the silver lining is i realized who really matters. and the relationships i cared about deepened. #my sweet virgo friend was the one who was always like ‘THATS A GROWN ASS MAN WHO CANT UNDERSTAND BASIC CONSENT???’ #LMFAO i would be like ‘but he has trauma and bla bla bla’ she looked me dead in the eyes and said #’jess you said with your last boyfriend that you would never make excuses for a man who was hurting you again. stop defending him.’ #she’s really a gem and i treasure her with my life. i hope she knows i love her. she’s family at this point #she’s also literally saved my life before (like deadass called 911 for help) #im glad i had the support system i had. that was a rough situation with so many layers and im glad i got through it #my 22nd year of life was by far the worst of my life and i don’t ever want to put myself in that situation again. im glad i learned.