#idk how to even describe this without sounding insane so i won’t | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

streaming-yn · 3 years

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(☁️)

HIIII it's 3 am and i'm trying to sleep but brain went brr with ideas n shit and oh well- thing is ; i was wondering if i could make my first request? (smth simple if u want to, no need to be very long or anything + pls don't rush nd take ur time AND don't feel pressured to actually do my request :] ! ) maybe smth ab faceless art streamer! y/n [they/them]?? (if u could add that the reader is like an indie game dev or works for smth like that u'd be sosososososo cool omg) with maybe quackity, tommy, dream, ranboo, niki and/or jack?? idk brain did the storming and its all messy hsdnshhfjsjz (btw! i know it's a lot of CCs so feel free to remove some or do the ones ur only comfy with !!! take care nd stay safe !!! luv ya <3 (/p))

AS SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO GAME DESIGN, CHARACTER, AND PLOT DESIGN YOU BET I CAN MAKE THE READER AND INDIE GAME DEV (and aaaa ty for adding jack!!! I think he's really neat and not enough people acknowledge him :))!!)

Multiple x indie game dev!artist!y/n

pairings: quackity, tommy, dream, ranboo, niki, jack manifold (separate) x indie game dev!artist!y/n

pronouns: they/them

other information on the reader:

. faceless

. knows how to code

. artist

. streams them drawing video game characters

. minor

. makes indie / horror games

form: headcanons

genre: platonic, fluff(??)

warnings: horror games / horror mods, ranboo enderwalk lore in his section

abbreviations: y/n -> your name

quackity

okay let's get the obvious out of the way; definitely going to be the type of person that's like "I'm going to play this game first after you're finished" yk? playfully ofc, n playfully fight with anyone who says the same thing (*cough* Wilbur, tommy, dream *cough*)

he probably wouldn't be on your art streams often – he doesn't really enjoy watching people draw, but he would want to see the finished pics

he would happily be on voice chat with you while you're drawing though!! :D

would be proud to answer any questions you have about character / scene / etc designs!!

"quackity!! so for this character – check your dms for a current picture – would red or purple antenna be better? also, two or four antenna?"

"*gasp* you're asking me?? 🥺" /j

"y'know what, nevermind, chat wh-"

"NO WAIT WAIT"

"so what do you think?"

also, if you do end up sending him the finished pics of the art he will hype you tf up !!!!

would try to get you make joke games – not like actually, it's just an ongoing bit between you two!

if you make a game for him – or give him a sneak peek of a game before anyone else he's going to freak out!! and he won't really know what to say bc putting feelings into words is hard

if y'all ever meet up and you're fine w hugs he's gonna give you a huge hug, hoping that makes up for the lack of words to describe how just,, proud of you he is bc he really really is!!

you're not even in your 20s yet and you can make video games, or help with them?? not to mention how creative you are with the characters and story line??? he's amazed by you

might actually cry /pos if you base a character off of him

like let's say a part of a puzzle is to get a rubber duck and place it into a pond to get the next hint or thing you need – only when he plays it on stream, he doesn't know anything about the game, so you're watching and waiting for him to get there

when he does get there – he finds out the duck has a beanie and has a white ring appear around it that flashes to life before fading out after picking it up, signifying it was the right thing to get

at first he doesn't really notice the ring, "oh! that animation is different than normal" he notes, but mainly focuses on the beanie, comparing it to himself before he glances at chat to see them freaking out over the planet duck reference

then he's just talking about it, shocked of course but flattered, and then you type in chat "you helped me a ton with things I couldn't decide during this game, I couldn't not add you! :)" everyone's just :(((( !!! /pos

overall supportive n proud, maybe a bit loud about games in progress, but just a really nice guy in general :)

tommy

he is ABSOLUTELY loud about your games in progress!! if you don't want something said you have to tell that to him before telling him or else he's going to brag about how cool it is the next time he streams

"chat!! chat, y/n is making this new game and they told me that one of the outfits you can collect for the player is going to be based off me!- right!! that sounds pog!!"

if he ever accidentally let's anything slip on stream that he was supposed to say, everyone who's a fan of you is just like "wow! suddenly! I cannot hear anymore!", sometimes they're like that even if it was okay to say

the just like being surprised :)

as for art streams, he'll try his best to tune in but obviously won't be there all the time! he's usually very active in chat too! likes being on call with you while you do art streams if you let him!

he once convinced you to make a texture pack and a shader (meant for both to be active at the same time), the fans loved it and a lot of them use it more often than the original!!

tommy however, not to much, proud of you bc that must've been a ton of work!! but at some time it slipped his mind that you make indie and horror games; I think we all know he doesn't do well with horror games

so you liking horror and such made the textures look more ominous and just make it look like and area you don't want to be in, and the spook goes up even more with the shader!! it's darker than usual, there's unusual fog, the portals look too dangerous now, so on and so forth yk

so,, tommy didn't use the texture pack for long;;

if you ever raid him after you're done streaming and he has a question, he's literally just gonna ask you on stream

"y/n raid? oh! are they still here?" when you confirm you're in chat, he continues "great! okay I had a question about your new game that's going to be available soon and how to download it-"

fans love how casual you guys are about game information, like you had to teach him how to export a game character he made on the website you usually make yours on (it was for a fun stream) and it was just a simple back and forth but everyone's like omg :((( omg them :((

also if you're the type of person to go insane over tiny details in other games, he will absolutely tease you for it

like you can just be going on and on about how this game had a sentence at the start that had a backhanded meaning by the end and he's just gonna call you a nerd (genuinely thinks is cool how much of the small things you notice in games though)

dream

COMPLAINING ABOUT CODING AND HOW HARD IT IS 🤝🤝

and if you took other coding classes hoping that I'd help with video game coding he'd just listen to you talk about it

"I actually took robotics for a while before because the school didn't have any video game coding classes and I was hoping it'd help either way" "oh?" "it,, it didn't help, it's so hard to code robots and considering how fast I caught onto video game code you think it'd be easier to understand the robot code" "yeah, that sounds reasonable" "NOPE,, WHY R THEY SO DIFFERENT I ALMOST FAILED" "D:"

fanartists like those moments, if one of those talks happen expect a bit of fanart of just dream and you chilling while you talk and he listens, the art always gives off comfy vibes n it's just cute :)

offering him to play a semi-rough draft of the demo so that he could see if it's good or what you needed to do to make it more enticing for the player

power duo fr fr o/

people like comparing y'all to hackers sometimes bc y'all know how to code???

you play into the bit with the fans though and honestly it's so fun !!!

fans: omg,, hackers (affectionate),,,

you next time you stream: hacker voice; I'm in

AND THEY GOT SHOCKED??? LIKE THEY FORGOT YOU CAN SEE THE STUFF THEY POST????

wouldn't be able to watch your art streams for long because he would get side tracked, the streams are just too under stimulating for his brain to focus on, but he'd hang around as long as he could though :)

would be glad to be on call with you while you're doing an art stream – though if he has is game sounds on you may occasionally have to repeat a question that was aimed at him

you're also in his streams when you can :)

also, you like sending donations to communicate rather than chat

one stream dream turned off his donos because you wouldn't stop giving him money 💀

being friends with such a popular creator and being a game creator yourself has it's downs as well

nothing thats too hard to deal with – the most common one is actually kinda funny – some people will slide in your dms acting like they're dream and just got locked out of his account, trying to get you to make them a game

like ??? do they think that dream would mssg you over Twitter or insta?? he has your phone number bro ,😭

also!!! when dream plays through new games you made he complements the small things and complements how hard something must've been to code :)

and I'm ngl, he kinda sucks with every game he plays at first but he's a quick learner so dw :)

would be glad to help if you're having a difficult time choosing between things too! except he'll answer right away without any teasing

"dreammm" "y/nnnn" "for this area should I do like shattered stone walls or mossy stone walls like with vines n stuff?" "depends on the vibe you want, shattered stone would give it a dangerous and uneasy undertone and mossy stone would be more of ominous, if that makes sense?" "oh! okay, thank youuu!!"

ofc if you didn't have a specific vibe or couldn't choose which was better he would just give a straight up answer so you didn't stress out trying to choose one \o/

would absolutely like being a guest in a drawing stream, he isn't the best at art or character design but it's fun to see him try

maybe you both plus some friends do a "drawing Minecraft mobs from memory" stream? ,, with that the thing is; his would mostly be relatively accurate if you could understand wtf he was drawing 😭

dream may or may or have some of your art as his phone homescreen, he loves your style so much :(( /pos

ranboo

first off; he's incredibly impressed!! like!!! you made this game?? this playable game, completely from scratch??? how??

also you may or may not have made a small Minecraft mod for him to tryout on stream,, little gift from you to both chat n ranboo 🤲

its literally all based off his lore,, if you get close to obsidian and crying obsidian fallen down from Undertale starts playing, if you splash water on yourself 1) you get hurt 2) your screen blacks out and when it comes back, your in a different place than before, some things art taken, maybe a few extra things are added

and there's a 50% chance that when you go into your "enderwalk" state (the blackout) you blow something up, so there may or may not be an explosion somewhere nearby, you also have a 20% chance of building something small in you enderwalk state :)

he found it so incredibly cool!!! chat was crying while complementing you while ranboo thanked you and complemented you over n over again

he won't shut up about how cool the mod is for several weeks, maybe even a few months, it's just so cool!!

will absolutely use it as a comeback if you let him; "oh? you got first place? well y/n made me a really really cool mod, so who's the actual winner here?"

will absolutely play every single game you come out with – it doesn't matter if it's his style or not – and he thoroughly enjoys all of the games as well

as for art streams, he will absolutely try to tune in every time he can!! active in chat and donos!!

doesn't really like being in art streams – like in call is fine but actually drawing? not really, he just doesn't love drawing in front of a ton of people

but will join an art stream if you ask

will listen to you rant about whatever, even if he doesn't understand it! like will listen to you go on and on about how well a game set up the atmosphere or maybe talking about how difficult coding is, and he'll converse back with you but won't really understand yk?

"ranboo I just played a really cool game do you wanna hear about it?" "yeah yeah- of course!!" "ok so like, the atmosphere was so well put together- like it was a horror game and I didn't even see the monster but the vibe was so well put together that it was still unnerving!!" "that's awesome! how did the atmosphere get set up the best and when you saw the monster, was it scarier?"

yk what I mean? like engages in convo so you don't feel bad about talking so much, plus shows his interest without the constant "hm?" "cool" etc a lot of people do and even though he does talk more than the acknowledgment sounds many people make he also manages to almost never sidetrack you and when he does it's on accident :)

if your way of learning is teaching then he'll gladly be the person you teach it to if you want! most likely won't use the information therefore his brain won't retain it but that's not on you, and the whole reason is so you can learn, not him, so! ^^

will make sure to take care of yourself, and he has a through way of telling if you have or not bc he's known you for long enough to know that even if you try to hide it a little bit of your tired voice shows so he knows if you've been sleeping like you should

also friends with you on discord, where you have your Spotify attached,, you like listening to music while you work on things that aren't sound related and if it's active later than it should be he's going to confront you

overall wholesome mixed in with a little pain bc both of you are like "ah yes, lore <3" and like to see fans cry /lh

niki

I feel like this is expected but if you need to get extra motivation she would probably be your go-to

she hypes you up but like, in a sweet and quiet kinda way, where as everyone else here would probably be relatively loud ;;

honored to be on an art stream if you invite her :')

and would absolutely watch your art streams when she can :D hypes you up in chat

also compliments, tons of compliments!

might call you a prodigy? bc you're so young but can already make games?? and make income off of them?? and do really good art??? and so much more??? like tell me that's not prodigy energy,

if you make a video game character based off her she might cry,, like in a positive way obviously but like at the same time :(( no don't cry!!

I say might bc it's dependant on how she feels that day yk? like she might just have the almost-cry wobble to her voice or she might actually, if that makes sense?

she genuinely loves your art style!! even if it's pointy and kinda creepy she really likes it!!

yk the "awww (name) :(" /pos she does sometimes? 100% does that with you

there are a few compilations of just "aww y/nnn" on YouTube and all the comments on those videos are just crying over y'all /pos

would be happy to help if you're stuck between some options in a game, but would feel kinda bad bc it's your game, you're supposed to be the one choosing the stuff

assure her that it's okay n stuff n she'll be ok tho !

I can't decide if she would play your games or not

bc on one hand she's a huge supporter of you and your work and would like to experience it first hand

but on the other hand she isn't the best with scry games,,

so maybe she'd do both? maybe she'd react on stream to a playthrough, maybe your playthrough? or maybe she would only play some of your games? I haven't decided so up to you I suppose!

jack manifold

genuinely amazed by your talent and will make it quite clear!!

can and will go on tangents about you on stream if someone brings it up

everyone is so :(( <333 /pos bc of it

will play the games you've made as soon as he can

if there are different games that line up in a story he'll make sure to play them in order :)

people also sometimes compare you two to hackers bc you code a ton and he kinda looks like a hacker

difference here is that both of you play into the bit, it's tons of fun!!

listen, I know he doesn't draw much but I am a firm believer that he will doodle his favorite character(s) from your games after he's done playing them

like after he plays a game of yours then expect a small doodle in your texts :)

you compiled a bunch of these doodles into one picture and made it you phone background and he only found out after y'all met irl and it caught the corner of his eye and he registered "oh hey wait that looks familiar"

he found out while recording the vlog n when editing, the editor was like "hey let's leave this in, it'd be funny if the fans knew right?" ,, the fans were crying for two weeks,, /pos

and speaking of drawings; he would like to be on a drawing stream with you, thinks it's be tons of fun!! :D

and he's usually free to call while your streaming and doesn't mind so if you wanna talk to him while drawing just call :)

and he will watch the streams he can make it to!! he may leave a bit early but he stays for the majority of it

if you make a character based off of him he's going to constantly thank you and brag about how cool you are anywhere he can

"hello manifolders, if you haven't done it already go download (game name)! I'm there!" with a ss of his character from the game and he'll reply to the tweet on his alt to talk more about the game and how much he really liked it :)

another that'll help you were you need it! he'll make it into a joke before anything else, but he'll get to the point

taglist (sorry i forgot to do it on the past two): @cvsmixplant // @l0ver0fj0y // @youngstarfishdinosaur

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devildomimagines · 3 years

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Is it okay if I request head cannons of the Brothers reacting to an Mc that’s like Nezuko from demon slayer? They’re an adorable bean that doesn’t talk much (they make grunting, humming, and soft sounds) but they do wholesome things for the brothers like help them with errands, listen to them rant, and just be a comforting presence for them. Don’t get me started on how nice their hugs, headpats, and cuddles feel! Idk if you want MC to be a demon but if they are, they were a muzzle to keep their fangs in check (they take it off when they eat), they can shrink to a Chibi size when they hide or run away, can regenerate should they lose a limb, and they understand curses and demonic language.

How the Demon Brothers would react to an MC like Nezuko

Heck yeah Anon! Sorry for the delay, it’s been a while since I watched Demon Slayer myself so I wanted to rewatch some episodes to refresh haha. The scene I painted for myself was that you came to Devildom as a human but got turned into a demon by some sort of accident. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy!

Belphegor

Finally, someone that sleeps just as much, if not more than him! He loves it!

MC’s presence is very comforting to him and he comes to expect MC anytime that he feels sleepy (so all the time lol)

Tired cuddles are his favorite, you’re both not quite awake but not totally asleep and when you pet his head, he swoons.

He would be surprised when you understand that he was drawing a curse trap for Lucifer and shake your head no to try to talk him out of it.

Belphie would actually be relieved you’re a demon now because it would make you less fragile and be able to recover from any physical injuries.

Beelzebub

The two of you together in the kitchen means destruction, there are no if’s, and’s or but’s. You’re both ravenous.

He was pleasantly surprised when you first changed size to match him. He’s nervous when you change to your chibi size, you were already small and now you’re smaller?!

There would be no need for you to get smaller for him as he has no problem carrying your average size.

Delighted when he took you to a small restaurant and the entire menu is in demonic language but you had no problem reading it and picking out what you wanted. That means he can take you to other places too!

Like his twin, also relieved you’re a demon to make you stronger and less likely to be hurt accidentally by him or his brothers.

Asmodeus

Absolutely adores when MC changes size, it’s so cute how small you are.

Although MC doesn’t have a lot to say, they listen to everything that Asmo has to say and he lives for the attention.

He loves hugs! He is not afraid to ask for a hug when he needs one. As the Avatar of Lust, he doesn’t often get head pats but is amazed how much he enjoys getting them from MC.

He’s blown away when you picked out exactly the perfume he wanted from his collection. He asked, “can you read this?” and pointed to the symbols. When you nodded, he squealed with a giggle and hugged you.

Asmo doesn’t mind you being a human or demon but being a demon means that you can stay with them longer.

Satan

He finds having MC around very calming to his rage.

No matter the size, MC’s weight against his body as he reads is grounding and their humming is his favorite sound.

Satan loves your hugs away from prying eyes and holding you hand as he guides you through the marketplace to his favorite cafe or book store.

He was impressed when you picked up a book and seemed to understand what it said, even though it was in a demonic language.

Like Asmo, he doesn’t mind if you are human or demon because you are you. But he is drawn to finding how to turn you back since it is unprecedented and learning how to do it is something he’s never learned before.

Leviathan

Insanely flustered the first time you shrink to fit in his lap as he was gaming. Although you had figured the smaller size would be less distracting, it was in fact very distracting because of how cute you are.

You’ve always been a good listener, really the only one willing to hear out his rants about the latest anime release. Your nods and grunts of encouragement spur him on.

Any physical affection gets him flustered and blushy. Head pats, hugs, and hand holding just mess him up with it. He loves it but won’t admit or ask for it.

Stunned when you pointed to the symbol that matched the game Levi was describing. He picked up the manga with the symbol and nodded enthusiastically, “Exactly MC! This is the manga it was based on!”

Torn between keeping you as a demon here in Devildom or changing you back to the human you were. Ultimately he would want it to be your choice but he hopes beyond hope that you’ll stay by his side.

Mammon

As your first man, he is still very protective over you. He knows what it’s like being a new demon so he helps in any way he can.

He gets a little spooked the first time you change into a smaller size since he can’t do that but picks MC up without a second thought. I feel like he played a big part in helping raise the little bros so holding a smaller being is second nature to him by now.

He’s such a tsundere but we all know he loves hugs and headpats. He will always reach out to hold hands in public so everyone knows you’re his.

You confused Mammon when you stopped him abruptly. He followed your pointed finger to see a curse mark on the floor. By the looks of it, it was Satan’s work, most likely meant for Lucifer. He took your hand and walked around, “thanks,” he squeezed your hand and kept walking ahead.

While he would love to have you around, he would understand wanting to turn back. The accident didn’t leave you with much of a choice in the matter of turning into a demon. He would be supportive of whatever you chose.

Lucifer

Somewhat misses verbal confirmation of yes’s and no’s but adjusts pretty quickly to visuals of shaking or nodding your head.

Intrigued when you first changed size in front of him. That wasn’t something he or his brothers could do so maybe that was something unique to the human-to-demon transformation.

Lucifer isn’t really into pda but appreciates your touches in the privacy of his office or room. His favorite are your soft hugs, it makes the stress of the day melt away. He will wrap a protective arm around you in public to make it clear to those around you that you are not to be messed with.

His eyebrows shoot up when you start humming along with one of his cursed vinyl records, as if you knew what was being said. Then he realizes you do know what they’re saying.

He is the most dedicated to turning you back. He has made himself personally responsible for returning you to the state you arrived. Absolutely will not stop searching for a way.

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me headcanons #my writing #this was fun!#and gave me an excuse to rewatch demon slayer lol #anon requests

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xiyao-feels · 3 years

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i've seen takes that jgy started playing turmoil before the staircase, aka wwx comments that it would take 3months for turmoil to kill nmj (ch64) so obviously jgy started playing it a long time ago, causing all of nmj's anger, all of that was his fault.

but also the novel says that jgy made a decision on the stairs or gave something up then a few days later played for nmj (ch 49) and like...idk what that could be except for killing nmj, is there something else this could be?

is wwx right? is mxtx bad at timelines? is nmj kick 3 months in the past, what is the time between 49 and 50 (when nmj dies in 2mo)

idk this whole thing is fuzzy and if you have any clarification or insight i'd like to hear it

-🦊

Fox anon! I'm glad to hear from you, and I hope you're doing well. I'm sorry I took so long to answer this—I was trying to be thorough, you all can judge whether I succeeded.

Now, I think the first thing to note here is that WWX actually and explicitly observes the Song of Clarity working when JGY is playing for NMJ before the stairs (ch 49):

Since then, Jin GuangYao would travel from Lanling to Qinghe every few days, playing Sound of Lucidity to help quell Nie MingJue rage. He tried his hardest, without speaking even a single word of complaint. Sound of Lucidity was indeed effective. Wei WuXian could clearly feel that the hostile energy within Nie MingJue was being suppressed. And, when playing the guqin, the way that the two conversed and got along even had a hint of the peace they had before they fell out. He began to think that maybe the so-called busy reestablishing the Cloud Recesses was just an excuse. Perhaps Lan XiChen simply wanted to give Nie MingJue and Jin GuangYao a chance to ease their tension.

(emphasis mine)

I think this is pretty conclusive. WWX's observations on the spot override his conclusions after a) being extensively soaked in NMJ's anger/resentment (ch 48-50) b) the entire drama afterwards at Jinlintai including being stabbed through by Jin Ling (ch 50) and c) resting and recovering for four days (ch 63).

Moreover, let's look at what WWX actually says in chapter 63:

Wei WuXian, “Jin GuangYao’s spiritual energy isn’t high. He wouldn’t have been able to take someone’s life with just seven notes. And killing him this way would’ve been too obvious. He definitely wouldn’t have chosen a song so powerful. But, if he could use the reason of playing the Song of Clarity for ChiFeng-Zun to calm his temper and continued to play it for three months, would the song be able to act as a slow poison and catalyse ChiFeng-Zun’s outburst?”

He's asking LXC questions about Turmoil, because it's new to him and he doesn't understand everything about it. I think it's pretty clear here that he's starting from how long he saw JGY play for NMJ, and asking if that would be long enough, rather than definitively stating that it would have to take three months; nor is there anything in LXC's response ("… Yes") that suggests three months is any kind of necessary minimum.

So those are the facts at hand. And imho if you look at the text in the later Empathy, there's a great deal of supporting evidence as well. There's the moment you mention, where JGY seems to be making a decision:

Nie MingJue, “Then why don’t you sacrifice yourself? Are you any nobler than them? Are you any different from them?”

Jin GuangYao stared at him. A moment later, as though he had finally either decided on something or given up on something, he replied calmly, “Yes.”

He looked up. In his expression were some of pride, some of calmness, and some of a faint insanity, “I and they, of course we are different!”

I agree with you, he's deciding to give up on NMJ—and if it's something else, what is it? If JGY isn't giving up on getting through to NMJ here, what function does this line serve in the text?

And I think it's worth noting here, as I've noted before—when JGY is talking about how different his and NMJ's positions are, he says "Your background is noble and your cultivation is high"; and the "Your background is noble" part is 你出身高贵, with the 高贵 being the "noble" part. When NMJ is asking him "Are you any nobler than them? Are you any different from them?" the "Are you any nobler than them?" is 你比他们高贵吗—so the "noble" part is, again, the same word, 高贵. Given that JGY has just spent a great deal of breath explaining that he is different from NMJ precisely because of his less-noble background, this is very much a pair of questions that might quite justifiably make JGY feel like NMJ is just completely not understanding anything he is saying here at all.

Besides that moment, there is the way he approaches or interacts with NMJ, which is quite noticeably different after the stairs. If you look at the beginning of the stairs, he's trying to convince NMJ to let the XY thing go: he says that if XY is locked up for life and can't hurt people, this isn't too different from him being executed, and then when NMJ does not accept this, points out that it's JGY's father's command and he cannot simply go against it as NMJ wishes. Once JGY loses his temper, he is still presenting arguments for his position—which granted is now approximately "you're being a hypocrite and you don't understand things", but he is still arguing for it—that is, he is still trying to reach NMJ; he is acting as though on some level he believes he can get through to him.

But in attempting to convince NMJ about XY, he is not acting like someone who expects that NMJ is right about to die; because if he were expecting that, he could simply say whatever he likes to put NMJ off, knowing that he won't actually have to pay up. Similarly, in attempting to get through to NMJ via argument, however angrily, he is not treating NMJ as purely an object to be manipulated; NMJ's beliefs matter to JGY separately (I am not saying /only/ separately) from what those beliefs lead NMJ to do. To put it another way: he cares about what NMJ thinks. This too is something that prevents JGY from simply telling NMJ whatever he wishes to hear, and this, too, is lost at the stairs.

For after the stairs, telling NMJ what he wants to hear, and just telling NMJ something that will put him off because he knows or hopes he won't have to pay up, are exactly what JGY does. When he shows up at the Unclean Realm a few days later, he tells NMJ he's here to acknowledge his mistakes and that he's realized NMJ is "doing this" for him; he promises to bring NMJ XY's head in two months, and tells NMJ he can do whatever he likes with him if JGY does not. This is a significant change in behaviour from before the stairs, and in consideration with all the other evidence it seems to me that this is because, post-stairs, he no longer values what NMJ thinks of him, and he is now gambling on his killing NMJ before NMJ kills him.

The only area where he does push back now is NMJ's treatment of NHS, I suspect because he worries about what NMJ might do or continue to do to NHS in his remaining two months of life.

So: I really do think the evidence is pretty clear that JGY starts with Turmoil after the stairs, in that it is directly signalled by the text and in that all the evidence around it backs this up.

That said, I have seen other objections raised by various anti-JGY folk, and while some of them have more merit than others I think it's worth taking the time to go over them.

-JGY couldn't possibly have prepared the Turmoil music in the few days between the stairs and him starting to play for NMJ after.

Yes, I agree; he must have had it prepared earlier. But that only means that he had it prepared, not that he was using it, and while there are certainly people who will only prepare a weapon if they are sure they will use it, I really don't think JGY is among them. He might also have prepared it as evidence for his father that he was working on solving the problem.

-WWX didn't notice a difference between the music JGY was playing before the stairs and the music he was playing after; therefore, it must be the same music.

Honestly, I think that WWX just didn't notice. It's explicitly described as very subtle, and indeed he can't tell the difference between the altered passage and the rest of the song (ch 63):

Wei WuXian withdrew the flute from his lips, “It really is this section? But I don’t find this section different at all.”

And he again observes how similar they are in chapter 64:

And he combined them so well. They sound as though there were the same. His musical talent is indeed excellent.

His repeated observation that they sound just the same suggests that he could very well have failed to notice, I think, and indeed he would have heard the altered version more often.

There is also another explanation, entirely compatible with JGY only using Turmoil after the stairs. WWX says of JGY playing Turmoil that he must have "used little spiritual power" during the Clarity sections, and "only exerted power" during the Turmoil section (ch 64). So if we think WWX would definitely have noticed the difference, there is an explanation for how he nevertheless very clearly observed NMJ's hostile energy suppressed by the music; JGY might have been using his power during the (much longer) Clarity part, and only used a very little during Turmoil. Personally, I think that it fits better with the overall emotional arc if JGY didn't change the music he was playing until after the stairs; but I accept this isn't ruled out as a possibility.

I feel obliged to note that at one point, after I was challenged on the issue of JGY changing the music after the stairs and pointed out WWX noticing NMJ's hostile energy being suppressed, as above, I was offered as an explanation for the passage that JGY couldn't possibly have abruptly switched to Turmoil right away when he started playing for NMJ, because NMJ would have noticed that he was suddenly feeling worse; and that therefore WWX clearly feeling NMJ's hostile energy being suppressed was not really evidence that JGY was playing Clarity and not Turmoil before the stairs. But I disagree with this, on two counts.

First, it is not clear to me that NMJ would in fact notice. He does not seem to be very self-aware about the effects of the sabre curse. He explicitly denies it at the stairs, for example: "I am not [in turmoil]. I know what I'm doing" (ch 49). After he burns NHS' things, when JGY asks him if he's told NHS about the sabre curse yet, NMJ asks "Why would I tell him so soon?" even though at this point he is quite clearly being affected (ch 50). And when he kicks open the door to kill JGY in chapter 50, he seems not to think about the curse at all. Of course this last is moments before he qi deviates and dies and is therefore perhaps not representative, but it fits with the general pattern; I don't believe we ever see him consider whether his anger might be because of the sabre curse, and indeed he is hardly given to questioning the righteousness of his anger in general.

Secondly, and more abstractly...WWX observing the hostile energy being suppressed—"clearly feel[ing]" it being suppressed (ch 49)—may not be /literally/ incompatible with the idea that JGY changed music after the stairs. But a story isn't just a collection of facts, and I think by far the most natural interpretation of this, in context, is that JGY is playing Clarity and not Turmoil. Which is not of course to say you can't have a resistant reading here, but I think it's generally good practice to acknowledge when your readings are resistant readings, and especially if you have a resistant reading not to say it is the only possible reading of the facts.

-JGY has no motive for playing for NMJ other than wanting him dead.

If we assume rather that he doesn't want him dead, he pretty clearly has a motive to help keep NMJ's temper under control, both on a personal level (so NMJ doesn't attack or embarrass him) and on a political level (so NMJ doesn't lose it and embarrass JGS). I would also like to note that although it was some time ago, and it seems likely that even before the stairs JGY's feelings about NMJ are not as positive as once they were, we have seen JGY go to quite heroic lengths to save NMJ's life before, when he saves him from Wen Ruohan by misdirection and assassination then drag/carries his unconscious body rather than leave him there and make good his own escape.

-The stairs and the fan burning both happen before JGY starts playing for NMJ after the stairs; NMJ wouldn't do either of those things in his right mind…

I agree; the Nie have to deal with the sabre curse. I think it's worth pointing out, too, that aside from Clarity we don't see NMJ take any measures to try to deal with the curse, either directly in addressing the curse itself, or by preventing himself from acting excessively under the influence of the curse; it shouldn't be surprising, then, that the curse can cause such drastic incidents.

-…and the sabre curse wouldn't be strong enough.

This one really confuses me as an objection, I'm going to be honest. We can be pretty sure NMJ would have qi deviated eventually, Turmoil or no. NHS says this in chapter 26:

"The sabers of our past sect leaders were all heavy with hostile energy and killing intent. Almost every single sect leader met a sudden death from a qi deviation explosion. Their irritable tempers also had a lot to do with this."

(As a side note: the missing paragraph in the ER translation right after this has I think occasionally led people to the conclusion that it is the qi deviation and such that WWX suggests is similar to demonic cultivation, as opposed to the sabres turning murderous after the deaths of their owners—you can see the Taming Wangxian and the MDZS Translation versions for the full context of the exchange.)

So NMJ was almost sure to qi deviate eventually! Moreover, he would have greatly strengthened the sabre spirit through his extensive use of Baxia during Sunshot, and after the war he continues to pursue cultivating with the sabre, without, I think, any sign of moderation. And it seems likely that he is already showing recognizable symptoms of the curse by the time JGY starts playing for him alone, as Clarity seems intended to slow the progression of the curse and also like something relatively newly introduced—they don't seem to have been doing this since Sunshot just in case, or anything. So how then could we be sure that the sabre curse on its own would be insufficient?

-NMJ wasn't at all violent before JGY started playing for him

This is simply not true. Unfortunately we don't see much of him outside of Empathy, but looking exclusively at things that happen before JGY starts playing for him:

His reputation in Sunshot is about his destroying the Wen, contrasted with LXC's which is about saving people (ch 48):

During the Sunshot Campaign, stories of praise were told about all three of the Venerated Triad. The ones of ChiFeng-Zun were about how he swept over all obstacles, leaving not even a trace of the Wen-dogs after he finished. ZeWu-Jun—Lan XiChen—however, was different from him. After the situation of the Gusu area had settled down, Lan QiRen was able to defend it with great tenacity. Thus, Lan XiChen often travelled to aid others, saving lives from danger. In all of the Sunshot Campaign, he had countless times recovered lost territory and assisted narrow escapes. This was why people were ecstatic whenever they heard his name, as though they gained a ray of hope, a powerful trump card.

The description of his reaction to seeing MY kill the Jin captain pretty strongly suggests his initial reaction was to attack MY on the spot (ch 48):

Nie MingJue saw all of the scene. Without saying a word, he unsheathed his saber by an inch. A sharp ring pierced through the air.

Hearing the familiar sound of unsheathing, Meng Yao immediately trembled. He spun around, his soul almost evaporating, “… Sect Leader Nie?”

Nie MingJue pulled all of his saber out of its sheath. The body of the sword glared brightly, yet the blade itself vaguely glinted in the red shade of blood. Wei WuXian could feel the billowing anger from him, along with emotions of disappointment and hatred.

Meng Yao knew Nie MingJue’s character more than anyone else. He dropped the sword with a clang, “Sect Leader Nie, Sect Leader Nie! Please wait, please wait! I can explain!”

Even after he's listening, he ends up grabbing MY by the collar and lifting him up (ch 48).

When he's explaining what happened with MY to LXC, he announces his intention to kill MY if he ever sees him again (ch 48), and after MY kills WRH, saving NMJ's life in doing so, and is carrying him out afterwards, he grabs his sabre from MY's hand and tries to kill MY again (ch 49). He only stops when LXC physically blocks him, and changes his mind after LXC explains that MY was in fact a spy, and I think it's worth noting that WWX believes that MY would probably have died under NMJ's attacks before LXC arrived if NMJ hadn't been heavily injured (ch 49). We're also told the brotherhood oath 3zun swear is unusually violent, in a way JGY suggests, and which LXC notably does not refute, was decided by NMJ (ch 50). Finally, while this summary of NMJ's interests is arguably from WWX's perspective, it is still notable that the only two things he's apparently interested in are "training his saberwork and killing Wen-dogs" (ch 49)—which is to say, the study of violence, and a particular and fatal application thereof.

(Totally unrelated fun fact: I was looking at the entrance to the Phoenix Mountain Hunt for this too and apparently NMJ is seventh on the young cultivators list (ch 69). The more you know!)

I want to be very clear that I am not saying that all of NMJ's violence is unreasonable or not understandable. But that it can be reasonable and understandable does not mean that it is not violent; and it is certainly not the only reaction a person could have to the events he's reacting to. Contrast LXC, as someone rather on the other end of the spectrum.

-If NMJ were violent, JGY wouldn't risk his life killing him via Turmoil (and therefore NMJ must not be violent)

Even aside from the extensive textual evidence for NMJ's violence, I don't think this holds together. As shown above, I think it's quite clear that NMJ was in fact always a violent man, but there is absolutely no question that he's violent to JGY in his last months of life, and if you think JGY started playing Turmoil for NMJ before the stairs, then it's really extremely clear that JGY was willing to risk NMJ's violence in killing him! I think the clash between JGY's desire to live and the evident risk to his life from killing NMJ with Turmoil actually supports the position I am arguing here. Assuming we are agreed that JGY is attached to his own life, and as it's clear that as NMJ approached his end he was a danger to JGY (regardless of how that end was induced!), why was JGY playing him Turmoil?

I think the stairs make it clear to JGY that his life is not safe while NMJ is still alive. Using Turmoil, therefore, becomes a gamble he is willing to take, though still an enormously risky one: on the one hand, it appeases his father and enables him to promise NMJ he can do whatever he likes with JGY if he doesn't kill XY in two months (ch 50), a promise he obviously and understandably has no intention of keeping. But on the other hand, if NMJ doesn't die within the two months, he probably will simply kill JGY—and more than that, given his focus on JGY, he may kill JGY anyway, for some much more trivial reason. Indeed, this is exactly what almost happens just before NMJ's death, when he kicks open a door and attempts to kill JGY on the spot because JGY was complaining to LXC about NMJ's treatment of him; if LXC hadn't blocked NMJ's sabre, JGY would almost certainly have died (ch 50). But as risky as this gamble is, it is still a better bet than waiting around and hoping LXC always saves him when NMJ tries to kill him—especially taking into account the risk from his father should he do so.

-The stairs incident was good for JGY and bad for NMJ, which is evidence that JGY arranged it on purpose

...I have a lot of things to say about this position. None of them are very nice. However, as I am in fact trying to argue in good faith, I will attempt to address it as an argument.

I think this comes from a confusion of the fandom reaction to the stairs with the in-universe reaction to it. To people now, yes, looking at this makes NMJ look bad, and inspires sympathy for JGY. In-universe, however—when NMJ publically assaults JGY and tries to kill him, when he calls him Meng Yao, when he shouts he's the son of a prostitute, it's not /NMJ/ who looks bad. NMJ of course is righteous in his anger; really he's only putting that boy in his place, don't you think? I knew Chifeng-zun didn't really accept him. Etcetera. It /weakens/ JGY's position, because the cultivation world does not have the same beliefs and priorities and value judgements that we do!

Certainly if he'd actually managed to kill JGY he would suddenly have found that he had killed JGS's beloved son, the only remaining son of the Jin, a war hero, his own sworn brother who had saved NMJ's life etc etc etc. But only because then there would have been political advantage in it for JGS, and quite substantial political advantage too, and he wouldn't have to deal with JGY being around anymore. As it stands, all NMJ's actions at the stairs do for JGY is tell the world that he is vulnerable and weak and disgusting. The only significant person in-world who would find JGY more sympathetic after this incident is LXC, and frankly a) he is already deeply in sympathy with JGY and b) we don't see JGY playing it up—after LXC's appearance at the stairs rather he minimizes and soothes things, and even when we overhear his complaints to LXC around two months later he is talking about what NMJ thinks of him, and not the physical danger NMJ poses.

I will also observe that while JGY does end up losing his temper, he starts off soothing even through NMJ's first attempted assault, and only loses it after NMJ calls him Meng Yao and says "your whole thing stopped working on me since a long time ago" in front of everyone; this attempted conciliation seems an odd thing to do were he in fact trying to manipulate NMJ into assaulting him, trying to kill him, embarrassing him and weakening his position in public. You could argue that NMJ would be more angered by JGY's attempts to be soothing than he would by JGY's directness, and thus the soothing could be read as provocative, but this simply isn't backed up by the text; while NMJ was obviously already angry before JGY lost his temper, he nevertheless escalates significantly after JGY talks back.

Moreover...I think what NMJ actually does and tries to do at the stairs, in terms of violence, is sometimes not fully grasped.

The first thing he does once they're properly outside is try to hit JGY, though fortunately JGY manages to dodge. When NMJ kicks him down the stairs, even aside from calling JGY the son of a prostitute, JGY ends up rolling down more than fifty steps and acquiring a head wound—/another/ head wound, because he already had one, apparently from the physical abuse he receives at Jinlintai from Madam Jin. And finally, NMJ actually /unsheathes his sabre/ and, after LXC approaches, announces his intention to kill JGY:

Lan XiChen, “Brother, sheath your saber first—your mind is in turmoil!”

Nie MingJue, “I am not. I know what I’m doing. He’s beyond hope. If these keeps on going, he’ll do the world harm for sure. The earlier he’s killed, the earlier we can relax!”

(ch 49)

When I say that NMJ almost killed JGY at the stairs, I am not just talking about kicking him down the stairs, although that certainly could have killed JGY. I am talking about drawing his sabre on JGY with the intention of killing him. JGY would very likely have died if LXC hadn't thought they were taking too long and come to see.

JGY can certainly take enormous risks when it's necessary—but for a risk like this he would have to be gaining something extremely significant, and I remain unconvinced he was gaining anything at all, let alone anything worth the cost.

-NMJ's actions at the stairs and his burning NHS' things are completely unrelated to any of his previous actions and motivations.

In fact, although they're certainly both significant escalations, I think that in both cases NMJ's motivations and actions draw extensively from preceding characterization.

Consider the stairs. The direct classism is certainly new, but there are several other elements that have already been established as part of NMJ's characterization: the tendency to violence, the investment in JGY behaving correctly even while ignoring incorrect behaviour around him, the approach to justice both in his particular and frequently-retributive idea of it and in his commitment to that idea, and a failure to understand the realities of JGY's position.

The violence I discussed above, and the failure to understand JGY's position has I think been discussed sufficiently elsewhere and besides would be a full post in its own right. As to NMJ's approach to justice, you can see both idea and commitment to it in his anger to the men speaking badly of MY (ch 48) and his appreciation and promotion of MY for his accomplishments (ch 48); his initial intention to kill MY after he catches him killing the Jin captain (ch 48), his subsequent insistence that MY turn himself in to the Jin (ch 48) and his intention to kill MY for his betrayal after MY tricks him and escapes (ch 48); his initial insistence that MY should pay for killing the Nie cultivators, even as he acknowledges that MY saved his life and says he will kill himself after he kills MY (ch 49); and of course in his insistence that WQ and WN should pay for their complicity with WRH, even in the face of LXC and JC's defense of them (ch 73). And in describing LWJ as "absolutely [unable to] stand wrongdoings, possibly even more than Nie HuaiSang’s brother" (ch 30), WWX implies a great deal about the extent of NMJ's inability to stand wrongdoings. Of course, not all of these instances involve NMJ seeking violent retribution as justice, but a significant portion do—about half—and it is certainly a recurring theme. This approach to justice, I should add, is certainly involved in attempting to punish JGY for his misdeeds by killing him, but it is also part of why he is so upset in the first place: in NMJ's view of things, holding XY in prison instead of executing him for his crimes is failing to see justice properly done.

The investment in JGY behaving correctly, even while caring less about the behaviour of other people around him doing the same, is likewise an established character note. WWX concludes that NMJ's desire to guide JGY is one of the main reasons he agrees to the brotherhood (ch 49); we see his disapproval of JGY associating with XY, who already has something of a bad reputation, at the Flower Banquet (ch 49); at the conference after WWX rescues the Wen, when JGY backs up his father's lie about what WWX said about JC, NMJ seems to mark it more heavily than JGS' initial lie (ch 73). And then, of course, there is this, from the scene just before JGY starts playing for NMJ (ch 49):

In reality, it wasn’t that Jin GuangYao could calm Nie MingJue’s anger, but that since Jin GuangYao came, all of Nie MingJue’s anger would be directed at him alone, having no time to scold others. Thus, there was nothing wrong with saying that he was Nie HuaiSang’s knight in shining armor.

While NMJ's actions at the stairs are certainly not something he'd have done without the sabre curse, and again the direct classism is new, it nevertheless very much ties in to his preexisting characterization.

What about the burning of NHS' things? Again, many elements of the situation derive from NMJ's preexisting characterization; in this case, his tendency to release his anger on physical objects, his desire for NHS to be a strong cultivator and his angry displeasure with NHS' actual interests and capabilities, and his threatening to burn NHS' things.

Although prior to the burning of NHS' things it seems to be usually a momentary lashing out, NMJ definitely has a history of releasing his anger on physical objects. When he is annoyed at the men speaking badly about MY, he knocks down (or carves up? the English is unclear) a boulder at the front of the cave (ch 48); when he decides not to kill MY after LXC explains MY was their spy, he carves a boulder in half (ch 49); and he cracks the top of a table by bringing his palm down on it in the scene just before JGY starts playing for him (ch 49).

As to NMJ's desire for his brother to focus on and do well at cultivation, and his displeasure at NHS' actual areas of focus, this is perhaps one of his most consistent beats of characterization. We see it in our introduction to NHS at the Cloud Recesses lectures (ch 13); in NHS' plea for WWX's help with the test (ch 14); in LXC's message to NHS from NMJ and NHS' reason for staying in CR instead of going to Caiyi Town (ch 16); in WWX's reminiscences about NHS after discussing the "Man-Eating Ridge" with the "know-it-all of Qinghe" (ch 21); in NMJ and LXC's discussion when NMJ brings LXC NHS' sabre during in Sunshot (ch 48); and of course in the scene just before JGY starts playing for NMJ, both in his initial anger at NHS' preoccupation with the fans and uncertainty about his sabre's location, and in his dismissal of NHS as a "good-for-nothing" even after his temper had faded (ch 49).

The threatening to burn NHS' things, on the other hand, I believe we only see once, and really in the form of "instructing NHS to burn certain specific things of his"; but it is in the very scene before JGY starts playing for NMJ, as NMJ tells NHS to burn the fans he has just been going over tenderly before JGY interrupts (ch 49).

Indeed, I think that scene in general is very much worth a look here, for what it has and for what it doesn't. On the one hand, we do see NHS' fear of NMJ—he literally falls to his knees in terror, and stutters even after getting up! But he also seems fairly comfortable after the worst of NMJ's anger passes, and when NMJ sends him off he goes not to his room as instructed, but to the living room for the gifts JGY has brought him. Yet many of the elements of NMJ's later destruction of NHS' things are present here, and to my mind one of the most important things about the scene is its illustration of what prevents NMJ from carrying out the threats he made in his anger. It's not that he's convinced he's being unreasonable—indeed, he doesn't seem to consciously change his mind at all. Instead it is simply that repeated interruptions and NHS's ridiculous appearance as he greets JGY end up draining his temper, and with his temper drained he no longer pursues punishing NHS. But this has obvious implications for what might happen if NMJ's anger did not diminish, and I think it's quite clear how the behaviour NMJ exhibits in this scene could lead to NMJ burning NHS' things simply by giving him a more sustained burst of temper, even as it is not something NHS ever expected to happen, or something that would happen had NMJ's temper not been worsened by the sabre curse.

To conclude this section—while NMJ's actions at the stairs and in burning NHS' things are certainly unprecedented in themselves, they are nevertheless solidly rooted in NMJ's preexisting characterization, and it's easy to see how the sabre curse could lead to these extreme escalations.

To conclude the post, I think the direct evidence is quite clear that JGY was playing Clarity before the stairs, and I think the indirect evidence also significantly supports it; nor am I convinced by various objections I have seen, for reasons I hope I have conveyed.

#more than one tag could contain #anger burned in his heart #we can't change places #long meta #and thank you very much to confusion-and-more for looking it over + their extremely helpful suggestions and revisions #this post would not be the same without them

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faithinthefuture28 · 4 years

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Larry songs timeline & what it tells us about the evolution of their relationship

**These are all just my interpretations but the more I listen to the music they wrote, the more it all fits together. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THROUGHOUT THE YEARS THEY’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT WRITING “AUTOBIOGRAPHICALLY” AND “FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE”

I deffo missed some songs but these stood out to me:

2013

L-Strong: Love isn’t easy (waves trying to break it) but what we have means something and it’s worth fighting for. read: love is only for the brave (Think of how much love that’s been wasted...there’s nothing i’m running from...i don’t care, I’m not scared of love) And we bring out the best in each other so lets not throw this away (i’d do anything to save it...when i’m not with you i’m weaker).

H-Happily: I want to fight for us too bc we’re on fire and our love is powerful af. ik we have to do stunts and stuff (and if (s)he feels my traces in your hair, sorry love but I don’t really care) but what we have is insane and fuck everyone else bc you’re MINE and i’m YOURS at the end of the day (i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep). Together, we’re magic so just be with me so happily

H-Something Great: ****this song is very straightforward so i won’t explain it much***** (i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i dont have to keep imagining... We’re better off together here tonight). Written as a longing for what could be if they dont have to suppress the relationship. (script was written...want to rip it all to shreds) Louis’ response (you’re all I want so much it’s hurting) basically says “it’s not too much to ask babe, i want it too.” This has the kind of longing that ‘wouldn’t it be nice- beach boys’ which Harry has admitted is kind of a theme song.

L-Through the Dark: I know all this bs we’re going through is taking a toll on you and hurts you and i hate seeing you upset (you tell me that your sad...you tell me that you’re hurt and youre in pain and i can see your head is held in shame...i just wanna see you smile again) but I will do everything physically possible to protect you from any pain bb (i’d never let you fall and break your heart, if u wanna cry or fall apart, i’ll be there to hold ya). We’re going through this together and I will take on any responsibility needed to keep you happy. I’M WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL TO FIGHT FOR US HARRY LOVE (entire chorus basically).

L-Better than Words: holy fuck our love is amazing can’t even describe it can i just sing to you foreva love u babycakes

L-Why don’t we go there: what if...we just forgot about the world and escaped and enjoyed each others love and rode the high??? Also sex

2014

L-Ready to Run: *******Followup to Why Don’t We Go There*********** But this time let’s escape for real bc (there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time). Like i’m ready to get out of here and it could just be us living happily ever after (this time i’m ready to run). Honestly nothing else makes sense (without you i’ll never make it out alive...wherever you are is the place i belong). I know what i want out of life and IT’S YOU HARREH (i want to be free and i wanna be yours, i will never look back).

L-Steal My Girl: all u thirsty hoes find someone else bc Harry is MY pretty princess. Srsly ask his family. But you can still admire how he looks in those jeans. We all do. You know the ones

L-No Control: boy u fine, let’s do what lovers do IN THE MORNING. bc we can. also you own me and i am urs

L-Clouds: WE KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE HARD SO WHY ARE YOU BEING A LITTLE BITCH (you dont like it complicated...but love is never ever simple...you are tired of all the changes, but love is always always changing). We could be great yo, just keep fighting (if we’re never coming back down, we’ll looking down on the clouds...we go and we go and we dont stop)

H-Where do Broken Hearts Go: IM SORRY LOU BABY YOURE EVERYTHING (rest of my crimes dont come close the look on your face when i let you go... the taste of your lips...is at the top of the list of things i want). H&L’s call and response at the end is basically forgiveness and acknowledgment (come on baby come and get me out, come on baby cuz i need you now)

H-Two Ghosts: *****was written around this time according to Harry******. This is fucking hard yo. We’re drained and exhausted and idk how much more we can fight for this... (it’s not you and it’s not me...sounds like something that i used to feel). That infatuation and electricity and hope that fueled our younger selves isn’t really there anymore and i’m just tired man (we’re just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat, we’re not who we used to be...this was all we used to need). We’re empty vessels going through the motions (same eyes blue, couple more tattoos). AND WE AREN’T FUCKING COMMUNICATING (we dont say what we really mean).

2015

H&L-Perfect: so what if... we get rid of the pressure of forever? What if we just have fun doing the stupid shit we love and makes us feel alive (trouble up in hotel rooms, secret little rendezvous, things you know that we shouldn’t do). Like we won’t be out of each others’ lives, I’m still around and we can find comfort in each other and even mess around here and there (I can be the one you love from time to time). Remember how we used to be young and EXCITED (when i first saw you from across the room, i could tell that you were curious) let’s get that energy back without the responsiblity of an adult relationship. And we can keep making art lmao (if youre looking for someone to write your breakup songs about).

L-Long Way Down *****this song fkn hurts man. It’s overlooked a lot but shows so much insight**** We were...everything. And maybe that’s the problem? We’ve been through so fucking much, more than anyone our age should have to endure. (We've been in fire, Went down in the flames. We sailed the ocean And drowned in the waves. Built a cathedral But we never prayed) We didn’t know what we had. We were damn kids man. We weren’t prepared for all this. We didn’t know how powerful this would be. We didn’t know what it required of us. (We had a mountain But took it for granted. We had it all yeah. Who could’ve planned it). We didn’t know what to do with it, how to deal with it, so here we are. (We had a spaceship But we couldn't land it) We’re each other’s everything, but we can’t keep going on like this babe. (We found an island But we got stranded). I don’t want to leave you but being together is breaking us down. (Point of no return and now It's just too late to turn around) We thought we were untouchable. That love conquers all. Maybe, we were wrong. This is gonna hurt like a bitch (We built it up so high and now I'm fallin', it’s a long way down)

H-Olivia: I LIVE FOR YOU, I LONG FOR YOU, I LOVE YA. And i think i’ll always love ya. And I’m scared...of life without you (i get the feeling you’re walking out, time is irrelevant when i’ve not been seeing you, the consequences are falling now, there’s something i’m having nightmares about...dont let me go). But maybe just maybe thats okay, because you’re AIMH (you live in my imagination...i love you, it’s all i do).

L-Love you Goodbye: I fucking love you and I’ll always fucking love you but i think this is the right thing to do even though it feels so wrong (i know there’s nothing i can do to change it, but is there something that can be negotiated?) We made some goddamn fireworks together though (unforgettable together held the whole world in our hands) and do ya maybe think...we can make them just once more? (if tomorrow you wont be mine, let me give it to you one last time, baby let me love you goodbye...one more taste of your lips just to bring me back to the places we’ve been and the nights we’ve had because if this is it, then at least we could end it riiiiight). ********in the interview with our FAVE Gwen Garcia, she asked if it’s better to say goodbye and end a relationship that’s not feeling right or keep trying even if your heart’s not in it. Harry responds with “I think it’s better to say goodbye...but sometimes if youre trying to protect..” Then Louis cuts him off and says “you’re going deep aren’t you”, brushing the question off as a joke but imho i think there was pain in that answer. Then Harry continues “if you’re not 100% in it, I think it’s better for both parties if you say goodbye”. And Louis adds a “yeah” at the end.********

H-Walking in the Wind: I know this is scary but i think we can do it, (you said to me do you believe i’ll be too far? if youre lost just look for me you’ll find me) I think because youre AIMH and i’m always in yours, it’ll be good for us. And look at us being mature, we’re killing it babe. We can live our separate lives and grow on our own. We dont need to make it messy and hurtful. We’re on the same page. (the fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won. A necessity for apologies between you and me, baby there is none). At this point, we’re kinda part of each other right? So it’s healthy for us to be apart for a bit. (it’s not the end, i’ll see your face again... i know we’ll be alright...just close your eyes and see i’ll be by your side any time you need me). And you’ve helped me grow into the person I am, and I you, so that’s cool as hell, right? (you will find me in places that we’ve never been). We had a TON of fun (we had some good times didnt we) so i feel okay that we’re doing this (goodbyes are bittersweet) and starting the next adventure in our lives.

H-If I could fly: I. am. yours. Louis. William. Tomlinson. (for your eyes only, i’ll show you my heart). Maybe this growth thing isn’t worth it, let me prove to you how much you mean to me (i think i might give up everything just ask me to). This is gonna be hard as shit because i’m so dependent on you (i’m missing half of me when we’re apart). I’m being honest and I’m being scared and I’m being vulnerable because I can’t lie to you and pretend I’m strong (i let my guard down, right now i’m completely defenseless). But we’re part of each other, right? (i could feel your heart inside of mine). I’ll always be here for you Lou (for when you’re lonely and forget who you are) even if for now we can’t physically be together.

L-Home: I’ve tried, Harry. I’ve tried to play pretend (told myself i kind of like her but there was something missin in her eyes). But i was lost (i was stumblin, lookin in the dark with an empty heart) because none of it was enough, none of it was YOU (it was there i sawr it in your eyes). And then i met you and you felt the same and we’re both lost souls playing pretend who found magic in each other (but you say you feel the same, could we ever be enough?) Is our love enough to overcome everything? Maybe we can be enough. Maybe I can make this enough, let me try to make it enough for you. And if we go our separate ways, know that I’m here for you no matter what. I won’t let you be lost again. (When you’re lost I’ll find a way and I’ll be your light, you will never feel like you’re alone, I’ll make this feel like home). So go. wander. find yourself. Then when you’re ready, come home.

2016-2017

H- Sweet Creature: ***Harry admit that this was the first song he wrote for the album**** We aren’t in the best place rn. We’ve been fighting (had another talk about where it’s going wrong...it’s hard when we argue, we’re both stubborn). But it’s you Louis. It can’t be anyone else. (don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong... wherever I go, you bring me home). That’s not even a question. I’m still trying to figure out who I am, but the one thing I know is that a large part of who I am is you (we started 2 hearts in one home). And aint no way I’m losing that part of myself (when i run out of road, you bring me home). It was always you.

H-MMITH: Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready (just let me know i’ll be at the door, hoping you’ll come around). I know I need to work on myself a little more (i gotta get better, and maybe we’ll work it out) but honestly i’m getting impatient and i want things to go back to how they were and i want to be yours again (once you go without it, nothing else would do). But I can’t communicate this to you clearly so let me just put this in a song and hope you get it (we dont talk about it, it’s something we dont do) ****Harry mentioned in an interview that he expresses himself through songwriting when he can’t say the words directly to a person because it’s easier to just write it in a song than have difficult conversations*****

H-ESNY: ****honestly no idea what this song is about but it’s something to do with them fighting and not communicating and being in a weird place before their relationship is rekindled******* edit: this could be about his stepdad

H-FTDT: I MISS YOU AND I’M TOO FULL OF PRIDE TO TELL YOU DIRECTLY JUST COME BACK INTO LIFE LOU I’M LONELY AND SAD AND EMPTY AND IM NOT FUCKING FINDING MYSELF LIKE YOU SAID I WOULD (woke up alone, played with myself where were you...we havent spoke since you went away, why wont you ever say what you wanna say) So until then I sit and wait for your sorry ass to make the first move (maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too...but you never do). Also like i have to hear from other people how you are?? (i saw your friend that you know from work, he said that you feel just fine) ANd you’re sharing OUR clothes with people?? wtf just swallow your pride and call me

L-Miss You: OKAY BUT I CANT JUST CALL YOU BECAUSE I HAVE PRIDE TOO also my mates are trying to make me get over you (now i’m asking my friends how to say I’m sorry, they say lad give it ttime there’s no need to worry, and we can’t even be on the phone now). So i’m just numbing your absence with partying and drinks but CLEARLY ITS NOT WORKING (should be laughing but there’s something wrong...shit maybe i miss you...when i feel it coming up i just throw it all away, get another few shots cuz it doesn’t matter anyway...such a good time, i’ll believe it this time). This is weird bc like you were my everything but im trying to get used to this and it fucking sux (oh how shit changes, we were in love, now we’re strangers). And tbh, its scary af bc what if this is it (i’m asking myself, is it over?). BUT ALSO LIKE WTF U COULD REACH OUT FIRST YA KNOW (i’ve been checking my phone all evening).

H-Anna: wtf Louis how do you not see how much this is killing me. I miss you so much and seeing you on tv or in pics drives me wild bc you’re not mine. (I don’t want your sympathy but you don’t know what you do to me...everytime I see your face there’s only so much I can take...I guess it would be nice if I can touch your body). And idk if you’re replacing me (don’t know where you’re laying, just know it’s not with me) and we’re in SUCH a weird place rn how do I tell u you’re the loml (don’t know what I’d say if I passed you on the street...don’t know what I’d tell you if you asked me for the truth) so I refuse to put this song on the album and let you know this and give you satisfaction from knowing how gone I still am for you bc I have 0 idea how you feel (hope you never see this and know that it’s for you)

L-Always You: SO THIS IS ME SWALLOWING MY PRIDE STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU SAYING IM SORRY FOR THAT NIGHT... ok but fr i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u and nothing else compares like i can travel the whole world and all i think about is how much more fun it was with you and the memories we shared and i wish i could just say thx fr th mmrs and move on but actually no thx actually fuck you for making me not able to enjoy my life without you. So like...come home? and wrap your legs around me? also lmao i took El to a gay bar in amsterdam for her bday lmao i miss u come cuddle me and i’ll tell you all about it

L-We Made It: looks like we made it, look how far we’ve come my baby. They saidd I bett they’ll never make it, but just look at us holding onn, we’re still togetherr, still going stronggg. Also to the fans, miss our single bed and the nights we talked about our dreams :-* also Andrew my man luv u

2018-2019

L-KMM: our love was youthful and exhilarating and fucking electric and i think it still can be. dont know what i’d do without you now H

L-DLIBYH: We’re strong babe and we’ve grown and we aren’t gonna let life drag us down. I’m doing better, you’re doing better, this is what we wanted. And now any shit we go through, we’ll go through TOGETHER

L-Too Young: Okay but looking back, that was a lot of shit we went through and we were just babies and i’m sorry for not fighting harder (i cant believe i gave in to the pressure when they said a love like this would never last so i cut you off cuz i didnt know no better) baby i tried, i tried to protect you but like it was just so much and i hate that you got hurt and i wont ever let that happen again. ALso go us for being mature and COMMUNICATING (face to face at the kitchen table, we can finally have a conversation that I wish we could’ve had before). ANd i know you’re an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry so here let ME say i’m sorry that i hurt you darling. Like we were too young to know we had everything BUT now we’re old(er) and can realize that when we’re together, we DO have everything now and omg is this our happily ever after and we can have a daughter and name her Darcy

L-Habit: do i need to spell it out for you iiiiii aaaaaaaaammmmmmm sssssssoooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy. But tbh i let you go because it felt right because mentally you were already out the door and i needed to give you room to grow babe. And i needed the space too (you gave me the time and the space i was out of control and i’m sorry i let you down). but like also i’ve learned i can’t escape you Styles. You’re always in my fucking heart and my fucking mind and in every essence of my being and somehow I knew that 9 years ago and it took me this long to realize how powerful this really is (guess that that i know what i already knew, i was better with you and i miss you now). Ooooh also my favorite line i wrote (took some time cuz i ran out of energy of playing someone I heard I’m supposed to be and honestly i dont have to choose anymore) like who am i kidding, im done pretending i just wanna be yoursss now

L-Defenseless: I can’t help it okay theres something about you that doesn’t let me stay away. I need you and I know that rekindling this relationship isn’t going to be easy even though it feels so so right. It’s going to be hard work (sleeping on our problems but we’ll solved them in our dreams, wake up early morning and it’s still under the sheets) and we need to communicate and solve our problems but here I am, raw and unfiltered and emotionally naked in front of you ready to lay it all on the table (not sure how to say this right, got so much to lose. NEver been so defenseless). So like this branch I’m reach out to you and you be honest with me too babe (you dont have to keep on being strong for me and you. Acting like you feel no pain, you know i know you do...I can’t get inside, when you’re lost in your pride but you don’t have a thing to prove). Be open with me. Lets talk. Let’s solve problems. Lets have an adult relationship. I’m asking for a little vulnerabiltiy babe. It’s just me. Theres nothing to be scared of

L-Walls: And here you have me in my purest form. No lies, no secrets, no insecurities to hide behind. Losing you was fucking painful but i got through it. I’ve been through hell and back and I’ve fought. And without you, I grew into the person I am. And any further growing i’m doing is gonna be with you. bc it was all for you babe. and honestly i can take anything life throws at me now. I’m strong baby. I’m fucking strong and fucking brave and fucking resilient and...fucking yours. ***** wtf is the I just hope i see you one day and you’ll say to me oh oh********

H-Golden: You are the literal sun and I’m not ready. YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON (you were way too bright for me, i’m hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky). I’m scared to go through this alone, I need your comfort and your guidance (i can feel you take control of who i am and all i’ve ever known). But you’re scared to go through this with me bc you dont wanna get hurt and i’m too open so where tf does that leave us. ******this could be about coming out especially with the London AND NY secret shows where Harry added the lyric I’m hoping someday you’ll open*******

H-Adore You: You dont have to say you love me, you dont have to say nothing, you dont have to say you’re mine. I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore Lou. Like its the only thing I’ll ever do. read: Louis is a great person to just admire what he’s like. ALso I dont need anything back. I just dont want to hide my love for you anymore. I don’t need answers or promises. Just let me adore you. ********the music video is also basically a Louis appreciation post. He was the boy with the smile that the world took away from him. He found Harry lost and loved him and nurtured him and made him confident and allowed him to be who he wanted to be. But in doing so, Harry became big and unsatisfied and wanted to explore the world and was clearly interested in Hollywood and Rockstardom especially evident in his behavior 2014-2015. And Louis wasn’t about that life and didn’t want to hold him back. So he let him free. But they realized that they don’t work apart. Wherever they’re going, they’re going together, as the boy sails into the unknown following the fish. I see it as Harry’s version of “this one is a thank you for what you did for me” ************* I see it, I appreciate it, and I love you for it

H-Lights Up: ****fight with Louis. (What do you mean I’m sorry by the way) About coming out? About fame? (Step into the light, so bright sometimes) Either way, L is the guy driving the motorcycle in the video who makes H feel comfortable and safe until they get pulled over because SOMEONE wont let them love*******

H-Falling: What if i’m out, what if i’m someone you won’t talk about? Okay maybe I lied I do want you to claim me. Would me coming out of the closet make that hard for you? I CAN’T GO THROUGH AN IDENTITY CRISIS WITHOUT YOU LOU. I picked someone supportive and now I’m spoiled and I dont know how to be with myself. You want back in my life but what if I dont deserve it? (you said you cared and you missed me too...what i’m someone i dont want around). What if you’re better off without me? (i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again). I know youve been through so much shit because of me, things you’ve never even told me about and im afraid...that I wasn’t worth it. Am I being selfish? because either way, i want YOU (what if you’re someone i just want around). Does that make me a bad person?

H-TBSL: ****Probably when they starting talking again but it was v casual and they didn’t really discuss their relationship yet*****. I MISS U BUT I WONT TELL U THAT and its nice to talk to u again i missed your voice but if u call me baby i will kill u bc that word has weight OKAY. Like i know you just call everyone babe and darling and sweetheart but baby is FOR ME and only for me when you wake up with me and cuddle me and if you think you have any right calling me baby without giving the luxury of being in a relationship with you then piss off because that shit hurts dude. (i know that you’re trying to be friends, know that you mean it...it’s hard for me to go home to be so lonely). ALso it’s not my fault i’m like this, you literally captured my heart when i was 16 like wtf do u expect (dont blame me for falling, i was just a little boy)

H-Sunflower Vol. 6: we were babies and i was so enamored by you and you’re so bright and beautiful and i want to watch you all day and make you smile and i want you to touch my hair and call me curly and i hope im not making you uncomfortable with my heart eyes but like how are you so perfect. I hope you think i’m cool, i’m really trying but like you’re SO FUNNY and charming and everyone loves you i hope im not embarassing myself. And now it’s like 8 years later and i think i can have you again and i want you so bad but i dont wanna seem too eager and im trying to have dignity and not text you first but like also i want nothing more than to talk to you. Do you think i’m cool now? did you like my new hairstyle? Do you think i’m funny on tour? I want everything i want to be domestic again and kiss in the kitchen and i want to cook for you and as;ldfa;sdhaf i want to buy you flowers everyday and shower ur cute face with kiss. boopx28

H-Canyon Moon: Hell yea i got ma man back and i have a girlfriend named Jennifer ;) and we are domestic and even though I HATE being away from him for work (so hard to leave it) we have the 2 week rule yall then i can wrap my legs around him and after so so so long I’ll be h.o.m.e. Also did i tell you his eyes are so so blue like sky who i dont know her

H-TPWK: So we’re really doing this. We don’t need to have it all figured out. We can just be us. and happy. and dance. The world loves us babe. (Giving second chances, I don’t need all the answers and if we’re here long enough we’ll see it’s all for us and we’ll belong)

H-Fine Line: You’ve got my devotion but man I can hate you sometimes....We’ll be a fine line. Between what? love and hate? public and private? out and in the closet? each others’ and ourselves? Idk. But i’m going to swallow my pride (my hands at risk I fold) because no matter what, the worst possible outcome is not having you. And I never wanna go through that again. I know we have work to do on our relationship (spreading you open is the only way I know you). And there’s lot of unknown here (there’s things that we’ll never know) but what i do know is that i cant resist you (you sunshine you temptress) and i cant be without you ever again. I think it’ll be hard as hell. But when have we known love as anything but hard? And when have we known our love as anything but worth it? We’ll be a fine line baby. But i know, i knowww with every part of me that we’ll be alright. Because these past 10 years, we’ve been through A LOT. ANd it could have ruined us and made us cynical and cold and closed off. And I think at one point it did. But you know what we did? We fought it. We fought it together. Then we fought it individually. And we became BRAVE. And a brilliant man once said, “love is only for the brave”.

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yuthoe · 3 years

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Day 30: Partners (MONSTA X: Chae Hyungwon)

this is horrible HAHAHAHA it's the second-to-the-last day of MTM and today's prompt is:

Day 30: Sports Setting

and i was going to make like an "i can do anything better than you" plot, but this is the most i can do with the time i had today. was super busy and this deformed baby is what was born. hayyyy idk, i was really looking forward to this prompt bc (1) the premise i made was really fun and (2) it's hyungwon HAHA but apparently my brain juices have run out

ALSO IF Y'ALL ARE WONDERING, the sport they're doing is dancesport aka competitive ballroom, which i also practice hihi i'm so predictable, trying to insert dancesport into every sports related thing lmao. it is 100% a sport and south korea is also a member of the world dancesport federation. it was so hard trying to describe the steps without being overly technical and using the actual names man, brain hurty

PAIRING: Chae Hyungwon x reader. GENRE: fic, fluff. WARNINGS: swearing. WORD COUNT: 1,470.

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“Two—three—cha-cha-cha! Two—three—cha-cha-cha! One more—cha-cha-cha!” your coach chants, clapping in time to the beat as you and Hyungwon spin around the dance floor. You end with your right feet forward and in an open hold, your hands held lightly in his. The music stops and all that’s audible is your labored breathing.

“Oh my god, fuck,” Hyungwon says, letting go of your hands and doubling over to take in deep breaths. You drop your hands to your hips and walk around, trying to slow your heart rate before sitting down to grab water. “How long until the end of the combo?”

Your coach leans on the wall next to the sound system, leisurely scrolling through his phone. “Not long, just a few more steps,” he says. “Ten minute break and we’ll try the rumba. And let’s try to finish it today, shall we? So we can work on your jive on Wednesday.”

You waddle over to your bags and crouch down to grab your water bottle and squirt some much needed liquid in your mouth. You let out a satisfied sigh after swallowing, breathing out slow before standing back up and wiping your sweat with a towel.

Hyungwon does the same, leaning one hand on the mirrored wall as gulps down water. He rests one foot on its heel and turns it this way and that, flexing and pointing his toes to stretch the muscles; the other foot gets the same treatment.

You go up to the mirror, a little ways away from your partner, and lean your weight on both hands to practice your swivels. Left foot steps to the right and as you change weight, bring the right foot in and face to the left side; repeat starting from the right foot; repeat starting from the left foot.

It’s quiet in the studio as you mind you continue your swivels and Hyungwon reviews the choreography on the floor. For the nth time these past two weeks you wonder how you ended up with him as a partner. You still somehow can’t believe that there isn’t another guy available in the club to compete with you for the Lilian’s Cup this season—and you still somehow can’t believe that Hyungwon of all people offered to partner with you.

It’s not like he’s a bad club member—far from it, actually. He shows up for every club meeting, sure sometimes he’s late but he participates the whole time and even asks to stay behind to work on the choreography sometimes when it’s a particularly tricky variation. You just. Never really talk. He hangs out with the couple of friends he has in the club, and you stick to the club officers who you know from some of your classes.

There’s this tiny voice in the back of your head that’s nagging at you to just talk to him. Because in the five training sessions you’ve had this month, not once have you spoken to each other save for the cursory greetings before and after practice. It’s mostly you both talking to your coach and not acknowledging each other.

Which is really bad, given that you’re supposed to be partners and have chemistry, especially for a dance like the fucking rumba.

You sigh, closing out the couple of cucarachas you did to stretch out your hips and slide over to watch Hyungwon.

He’s just starting the second combo you’ve learned for the routine, the natural top. So you slide into the ballroom hold and do three sets of rumba walks forward in time, looking at anything but him, though you can imagine the surprised look on his face.

After the natural top, you slide into an opening out and prepare for the sliding doors step, when you see Hyungwon stop from the corner of your eye.

His arms are outstretched in the proper positions, his left hand still holding your right, but the rest of his body is stuck in an unflattering stance, eyes flitting about and brows furrowing in frustration. “What’s the next step again?”

“Sliding doors,” you say, and step forward. He steps back as you lean your weight on your forward foot and lift your connected hands up and over your head. You step slowly, allowing him to find his footing in the step, and after a moment of fumbling, you watch both of you in the mirror, properly meeting in the middle and splitting with every side step. After the second sliding doors step, you halt, coming to the end of the choreography so far. There’s still a ways to go, seeing as you’ve only been taught around sixteen bars.

Despite the rumba being a slow dance, you’re still somehow breathing heavily. You lament sometimes that the rumba is your favorite dance because the muscle control it requires is insane. The push and pull between slow and sharp movements gets you off kilter at some points, especially if those difficult turns have to be done without support from a partner. Therefore, communication is necessary to build a solid foundation of give-and-take.

Which means you really have to open your mouth and talk to Hyungwon sometime soon if you want to do well for the Lilian’s Cup.

You pivot to face him, the canvas soles of your heels helping your sharp turn. “Do you need help with the choreo?”

Hyungwon had been staring at the ceiling, no doubt running through the routine in his head once again, but looked down at you when you spoke. He shrugs, bites his lips and says, “Yeah.” He sighs, resting his hands lightly on his hips as he leans on one foot, the other tapping the floor in agitation. “I have a tough time memorizing choreo unless I make it, so…”

You blink. “You make routines?”

Another shrug, and he holds up a hand with the palm down and tilts it from side to side. “Eeehh, sometimes. I’m still learning, and it’s full of basic steps. Definitely not competition caliber yet, not even bronze.”

You purse your lips, nodding. “Still, though, that’s pretty impressive. I’ve been dancing for a while and I can’t create choreo yet.”

“Well,” Hyungwon says, bending his lanky body backwards to open up his chest. “The first step is always the most challenging, I’d say. Once you actually try, it’s easier to take the next steps.” He intertwines his fingers and raises them above his head, groaning from the strain.

You smile at that, and decide that maybe Hyungwon is a better conversation partner than you initially thought. “How about we set like, a day in the week to practice. Just us, you know. I can help you memorize the routines for Lilian’s and you can teach me the stuff you make.” You clear your throat, gaze stuck on your feet, pointing and flexing and looking for something to do. “You know. If you’re cool with it.”

Hyungwon hums. “Yeah, sure.” You look up to see him looking into space, finger tapping on his chin as he thinks. “Can we meet up in the afternoon, though? ‘M not much of an early riser.”

You chuckle. “‘Course. I hate mornings, too.” You wipe your sweaty forehead with your towel and let it hang over your head like a veil as you jog to your bag. You come back to Hyungwon’s side a moment later, holding your phone out. “I also just realized that I don’t have your number yet. It’ll make setting up a date way easier.”

“Mm, you’re right about that,” he says, slender fingers taking your phone and tapping on the screen before handing it back to you. His contact is saved as Dance Partner Hyungwon. “Just a warning tho, I might not reply sometimes because I forget to.”

You tap your phone against your palm and shrug. “S’all right. I’ll just ask one of your friends to pester you then, like Minhyuk. I know he’s pretty… persistent.”

Hyungwon scoffs, but he has a fond smile on his face. “Yeah, that’d do the trick. I’ve known him for years, he won’t shut up unless I humor him.”

You’re about to reply when two loud claps echo through the room. “Okay, you two, break’s over,” your coach calls. “Starting positions please, and let’s finish up this routine today so we can just keep polishing.”

After dumping your towel and phone on your bag and sliding your hand into Hyungwon’s as you get into position, you whisper to him. “I’ll text you later about that after-practice practice.” As the sultry music starts, you have a thought. “And don’t you dare pretend you don’t know me when I finally message you, Chae Hyungwon.”

He bites his lips and looks over your shoulder, fighting a laugh. “Fine, fine,” he says, and composes himself, just in time for your cue to take the first step.

#kdiarynet #monsta x #hyungwon #chae hyungwon #monsta x hyungwon #monsta x hyungwon scenario #monsta x hyungwon imagine #monsta x scenario #monsta x imagine #hyungwon scenario #hyungwon imagine #fic: mine #fic: hyungwon #fic: not spicy #theme: may trope mayhem 2021

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cadomoisspokenfor · 3 years

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Legion Rewatch Notes,

Chapter 8:

The Revolution

Aw man, how unfortunate what’s happened to Clark. I feel soooooooo bad. I mean he was just humble div 3 agent, doing his job, gaslighting marginalized individuals, participating in a genocide. How cruel of those bad bad mutants to injure him so badly. He was only actively about to kill David. What could he possibly have done to deserve any of this?

In other words, the Clark propaganda is not working on me this time. At all.

Maybe don’t participate in a genocide? Idk :/

I normally hate when people type in the passive aggressive way I have been for the past few paragraphs, but goddamn, Clark deserves it.

He’s not quite as damaged... but he’s kind’ve like old David here, from the over-medicated living with Amy timeline. Again, not quite as damaged as that though.

Clark considers mutants a “threat to democracy.” 🙄 “Moral panic” I guess?

“The second I walk outta this room, i’m going to war.” There’s that word again. Clark could just... not, and they’d probably have more time to figure out how to safely eradicate Farouk. But because he doesn’t and David busies himself with peace treaties, Farouk escapes and continues to be a problem for the next year. Clark has a family. A husband and child who love him to death. And he chooses war over them. This pattern will repeat in other character. Technically this isn’t even the start of it.

Suit change, new cane, same Clark. This really doesn’t change anything, does it? He could go through the rest of the series in the suit he wore before and it wouldn’t make difference. The valiant hero dressing for an expected victory over their long time (relatively) rival, only to be stopped immediately by an unforeseen development. This pattern will repeat... tragically.

Considering Farouk!David woulda just dusted them, it’s probably nice for his friends to see the real him is much less violent. He just stacks em like a Jenga Tower, no need for anything more.

Also, Wilhelm scream from one of the soldiers.

He’s also talking strangely. In an almost too calm voice. Measured. He talks like this a few other times, but I think those times have sadder context. Maybe they reflect on this moment. He talks like how he talked when Farouk was mind-melded with him, but his intentions aren’t evil this time around. I guess this is just his “fully in control” voice.

Clark’s literally shaking where he stands.

The zoom in to Clark’s blind eye is reminiscent to previous zoom in’s to Walter’s foggy eye. I guess Clark has taken on the role of Walter, artificially. Makes sense since he’s now the main D3 representative/antagonist like Walter was before.

“I don’t care if you save me, or the world, if you don’t save yourself.” David will eventually choose himself over the world, and Syd. And Syd will hunt him for it. Goes to show how much things change in s2.

“You know the most dangerous thing about schizophrenia?”

“You’re not-“

“The most dangerous thing is believing... you don’t have it! That’s the trick, the mind killer, your disease convinces you you don’t have it. So, for example, one day in the hospital you meet a girl and she has some friends, and they tell you you’re not sick. You have superpowers. And more than anything you wanna believe it because that means you’re not crazy! That means you can fall in love and live happily ever after. But you know if you believe it, if you surrender to the hope and you’re wrong, then... you’re never coming back.”

“I’m here. I’m real. The power is real. You gotta accept it, otherwise we can’t move on.”

“I was in Clockworks for six years. Drugged, doing nothing. Contributing nothing. And now, finally I can be useful! I can help! Don’t you get it? I am so sick of myself. This only works if it’s not about me.”

“David...”

So... that’s a lot. David believes being crazy means he’s not allowed to fall in love, or be happy. He said the same sentiment to Amy before Clockworks. This whole season and this episode especially push David into his full “I’m not insane, I won’t believe you if you tell me otherwise” mindset. At the very least that’s the stakes we’re playing with. If David fully gives into the hope, even for a moment, he believes there’s no possibility for recovery. No possibility for love or happiness. Why even try after that? It’s life or death for him. “If the choice is between life and death, I choose life.”

I know this is all already known and talked about and circulated 100’s of times over in various fan circles, but it’s probably the most important line for David’s character (the speech, not the Farouk quote). It’s very ableist, yes, but at least in the moment it’s coming from someone who’s just being too hard on themselves, and not ya know, being actively validated by the show.

2 episodes ago David talked about being worried about an “invincible” feeling. The dangers of mania.

We also know from that episode that David is more at peace in a calm, responsibilityless setting (with Syd) than he is out in the real world. David’s gonna take on a ton of responsibility, some of it’s gonna draw him away from Syd. At multiple moments throughout the show David has known his own mental health better than any of the others, and even warned them about potentially dangerous slopes he could fall down without their help. Despite this, David is pushed further down a path he tells them is dangerous and is still blamed for what happens in the end. I feel like Oliver’s line from ep4 is relevant here again, “We are the root of all our problems. Our anger, our confusion, our fear of things we don’t understand.” Everyone wants David to be something other than... David. A hero, a god, there projected image of a perfect partner. Not just... David.

Man, the more I realize about David’s self-awareness in s1 the madder I am at Syd for saying all that ableist stuff to him in s2 as if he wasn’t already down on himself 24/7. “It never occurred to you that you’re the problem not the solution?” It’s occurred to him like 5 times by now and has been shut down by you at least 3 of those times. I don’t understand.

What’s strange is... to my recollection David doesn’t believe he’s invincible at the end of s2. Or that he’s not sick.

“Saint David.”

“I’m not saying that. I make mistakes.”

“Say you’re gonna let them kill me if I don’t let them turn me into something different. Something easy. Something clean.” He sounds sinister here, but it is an indication that he knows he’s not perfect. In fact it sounds like he’s trying to appeal to Chap 1 Syd’s mentality. Your disorder is what “makes you you.”

So what’s the message here?

“We can’t just kill people. Or is that who we are now?”

“That’s who they are.”

The justification for killing here is that they’ll kill them if they don’t. Div 3 will kill Summerland if Summerland doesn’t kill Div 3, is what I meant. David has a similar justification for killing Shadow King in s2. Well, he has a LOT of justifications for it, but that’s one of them. Syd doesn’t hear it then either. She does attempt to kill David herself though. I don’t quite understand where the line is.

“He was gonna kill you, twice.”

“With that kind of thinking wars would never end.”

So... he shoulda just talked to The Shadow King when they were both powerless? Talking is what ultimately ends their fight in s3... hmm...

Cary is more humane to their POW than Melanie and Ptonomy are.

The show doesn’t necessarily say it was Cary’s fault for leaving Kerry. Either way though, Kerry needs some space.

Melanie calls David a “world breaker” and outright says now that he knows that’s what he is, div 3 doesn’t stand a chance. I suppose... knowing that... is why they so readily team with Farouk. They stood no chance otherwise. Even then, at least hide him away till after the intervention.

David’s floating meditation pose is seen more in s2 and A LOT more in s3.

He puts the onus of ending the war on Div 3. As if to say, “If things get violent again, it’ll be on you, not us.”

People keep talking about “gods” “waking up” and “realizing they don’t have to listen to us/them anymore.”

When Clark says it David’s first response is, “Isn’t that the history of the world?” But it’s a red herring (or something else) cause he follows it up with, “People of different nations, different languages, learning to live together?”

Clark is afraid if mutants gain power they won’t show humans mercy or equality. This is a common belief among fascist. The “they’ll treat us like we treat them” argument. Only it’s rarely self-aware, and it isn’t here either. Clark genuinely believes he’s not doing anything wrong. It’s all somehow in “self defense.”

Ah, so Farouk and Syd are connected psychically. He entered her mind whenever she entered David’s. He psychically affects her at multiple points throughout the series.

Syd here is convinced to help The Shadow King by The Shadow King. And while he’s wearing a mask at that. Yeah yeah, this pattern will repeat. But still, Syd gives in relatively quickly here. Perhaps she just... doesn’t fully trust Summerlands capabilities? They are legitimately trying to get rid of Farouk, but Farouk has proven time and time again how dangerous he is. Or maybe the “unmake soup” thing is just that convincing to Syd.

Clark’s still standoffish, but he’s slowly becoming more cooperative.

Syd rolled a 4 on that hero speech. She needed at least a 7.

I legitimately NEVER noticed before that Syd secretly turns on the lab camera feed for Clark to watch. They weren’t trying to show him that.

David gets a chance to look back at his whole life and recontextualize everything.

David straight up halts Farouk’s theme. If Clockworks Podcast is right and he can hear that whenever Farouk shows up, this would be evidence of it. Alternatively, he was halting Farouk, and the music halting was for the audience. A fun subversion of expectations.

David describes him and Farouk as, “The Sun and Moon.”

Division 3 sees it. The monster they saw on infrared. Clearly a separate entity from David Haller. Clearly of a different disposition than David Haller as David Haller has acted very differently and non-hostile compared to when they saw him roaming those HQ halls. The monster and David are not the same. They see who their real enemy is now.

It seems evident there was no chance of David beating Farouk on his own here. I wonder why? Was it true? Is Farouk just too ingrained in his mind? Cary said he was like a, “Computer virus. Learning his systems, bypassing his defenses.” Maybe Syd remembered that, and that’s why she believed Farouk. Cause Cary had already said something similar before.

Clark could've escaped, but he stayed, then tried to help fight Farouk.

I feel really sad Oliver got possessed. It never occurred to me before he could even tell Melanie he remembered her. Melanie’ll just go on thinking he never remembered her for a year.

And thus it’s established. There are “good mutants” and there are “bad mutants.”

No one checks on Ptonomy :(

The Lenny that’s talking to Oliver here is still just Farouk.

Did the orb go back as far as it could? Or was this time specifically chosen? If it was chosen, it was probably because it’s very soon after Farouk had been expelled from David’s head, and before the big race for his body starts.

#legion fx

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angelicmichael · 4 years

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Since you are an angst queen I know you’d make magic out of anything on the list, but how about number 9 with Michael?

A/N: First of all that’s a huge compliment thank you 😭🥺 I hope you like this!! I’m sorry it’s so long for a blurb lol. if u want a song that describes this fic PERFECTLY then listen to flesh without blood by grimes!! Like, I didn’t even mean too but the song matches this fic so perfectly. Anyway enjoy ♥️ Reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated :)

Warnings: breaking up, MAJOR character(s) death - the death isn’t really described but it’s suggested at the end of the fic, Reader burns herself so I guess burning? Lol, it’s not really suicide but Reader knows about her death and accepts it so it could be considered as such? Idk.

You never thought it would come to this.

Even from the beginning you knew he was trouble. He was too beautiful; to perfect.. He had to be corrupt in some way. And he sure was.

However nothing could prepare you to handle the fact that he was the antichrist, satans son. At first you laughed it off and thought he was trying to be funny but it was clear to you it wasn’t a joke when he told you about the bombs.

As fucked up as it sounds, you were okay with it. As long as you were by his side, you would be okay. However; as the date of the nuclear attack grew closer and closer, you started to second thoughts. You had second thoughts about everything but mostly about dating Michael.

He was starting to draw away from you, which was understandable since he was getting so busy. However in the moments when he happened to be free and tried to reach out to you, you found yourself withdrawing from him as well.

Knowing what destruction he was capable of, and what he was planning on doing made you start to withdraw from him.

What the fuck were you even thinking with dating this guy in the first place? How could there ever be a happy ending with the antichrist?

Long story short you now were in a fucking predicament, to say the least.

The bombs went off tommorow. you knew that. Michael knew that, and so did the cooperative. That was everyone who knew and who was okay with the world fucking ending. You couldn’t fucking handle it anymore.

You were tired of feeling like the responsibility of the world was in your hands, and you were tired of tolerating Michaels shit.

You loved him, and him alone. As much as it hurt to admit it, the thing that turned you off so much about Michael was all the fucking baggage he carried. You wanted him, not the cooperative, not his fucking magic powers, not his fucked up family, and espically not his fucking urge to destroy everything he touched. You knew all of that wasn’t truly him, it wasn’t his spirit.

It was the satanists and Satan himself that made Michael so fucking sadistic. And you hated it. You started to hate him for letting this happen, for allowing himself to surrender to such darkness.

You and Michael were due to leave at the crack of dawn to go to the sanctuary, before the bombs hit but you had different ideas. You were leaving tonight. As soon as you finished writing him this damn letter.

It was nighttime and you were alone in you and Michaels shared home. Or.. really just Michaels home now. You knew you had to write this letter soon before he came back, you had already packed everything and you had a hotel set up - waiting for you. You already had all of your belongings in boxes and ready to go by the front door, but right now you were still fucking stumped.

You sat at Michaels desk that he used for work; with a peice of blank paper in front of you with a pen in your hand.

You twiddled the pen nervously; trying to think of what you even wanted to say to him.

You kept the light dim, just enough so that you could see what you wanted to write. Having the light on brightly seemed to just make you sweat and make you even more nervous for some odd reason.

You finally bit the bullet and decided to just fucking do it, you started writing.

‘Dearest Michael,

I hope this letter finds you well. I know you hate unpredictability but I had to do this, this way. I know that if I looked you in the eyes and told you that I had to leave you - that I wouldn’t be able to take it so.. I’m sorry Michael. I’m so fucking sorry. It’s not that I don’t love you, because I do. I love you so fucking much. Too much to see you live the rest of your life like this, controlled by the Cooperative and being manipulated like that. I mean, think about it Michael. REALLY think. Do you really want to live the rest of your life having to manage of all them? Having to be dictated by fucking Satan for ‘probably’ eternity? I don’t want a future like that Michael. I would rather be taken out tommorow quickly by the bombs than live the rest of my life in a fucking wasteland. Understand that I love you but not the situation. I packed everything and I’m leaving tonight; please don’t try to find me. I just want to spend the little remaining hours I have alone please. I know how excited you were for tommorow and I’m sorry that you’ll have to celebrate alone -“.

You stopped writing for a second. You really were a fucking idiot, weren’t you? How god damn naive have you been? Michaels been spending more time at the fucking cooperative than he had at home, of course he wasn’t alone. That made no sense.

You wouldn’t be surprised if he was fucking some random cooperative member; Michael was gorgeous - everyone wanted him. You shook your head, I mean there was no point to not call him out on it. You could basically say whatever you wanted now - you were going to die tommorow anyways. You focused back on the paper in front of you and continued writing.

‘but im sure you’ll just find some bitch to fuck and celebrate that way, won’t you?

Yours truly,

(Y/n)’.

You put the pen back where you had previously found it and took the letter in your hands. You reread your mini speech and you felt odd.

You didn’t feel quite sad, but you weren’t happy either. You supposed you were kind of relieved. Relieved to finally have told Michael what you always wanted too. Relieved you didn’t have to date some sadistic, cruel man forever.

You turned the corner in the house and opened the door that lead to the bedroom. You had made the bed and you put the letter in the middle right below the pillows, no way he could fucking miss it.

You let out a dry laugh - not because anything was funny but out of disbelief. You were actually doing it. You were really leaving Michael.

You turned on your heel and with a snap of your fingers the lights turned off. It was now time to get the fuck out of here.

——————————

It was a beautiful day. The sun shone brightly onto you as you basked in it. It was early morning, the next day and you sat in a metal chair outside of a cafe with a coffee in front of you.

Today was the day.

You didn’t know the exact time the bombs were due to go off but you knew it was sometime before noon, and it was nearing 8 am.

You expected to get hundred of phone calls last night or to even have Michael show up at your hotel but none of that happened.. And you would be lying if you said that didn’t disappoint you a little. You did miss him.

You took a sip of coffee, savoring the taste before swallowing it. You picked up the cup - getting ready to raise it to your lips when you heard the other metal chair that was across the table from you being pulled back. The sound of metal across the concrete was like nails on chalkboard - you jumped and a good portion of your hot coffee slid down your shirt.

You bolted out of the chair - trying to go to the bathroom so you could dry yourself off but instead you felt a firm hand grab your wrist.

“Wait”. The tone of the voice you heard was soft yet demanding; so you listened. Also the voice was way too fucking familiar, you knew it belonged to a male due to the deep tone of it. With a quick look, it confirmed your suspicions. It was fucking Michael.

You stood there shaking, your chest was on fucking fire - stinging. Tears brimmed your eyes as you tried to get your wrist back but Michael held onto it even tighter.

“Michael! I need to go-“ You quickly pleaded.

“No, you don’t”. Michael snarled. You looked into his eyes you noticed how he had tears in his eyes, too. You stood there for a moment, in pain and being insanely uncomfterable in the hot sun that seemed to amplify the pain of your new burn. It was almost as if he enjoyed your suffering, like some kind of subtle revenge for you leaving him last night.

After getting a couple of weird looks, Michael sheepishly let your wrist go and allowed you to move just enough so you could sit across from him at the table.

You sniffled and brushed the tears off of your cheeks with the back of your hand.

“I told you not to find me, Michael”. You said in a deeper tone than of which you normally spoke in. It was because of how emotional you were starting to become, did he really come back for you?

“(Y/n), what’s gotten into you? Do you think I chose you over the Cooperative or something”? Michael spoke, gently shaking his head as he did so.

You were on the edge of your seat (literally) as you quickly replied, speaking so fast you barely even comprehended or really thought about what you were saying.

“You did Michael! These past couple of weeks I’ve barely been able to see you. You won’t talk to me, we don’t communicate anymore”.

You said, screaming. Any care you had of anyone around you hearing you scream at Michael seemed to become nonexistent. Tears fully streamed down your face now - a mix of anger and sadness. Your fingers gripped the table, turning white. You didn’t even flinch when Michael slammed a peice of paper onto the table.

“Is this what you think of me? Is this how low you think of me now? I’ve been beyond busy making plans not just for me but for us, to wipe out the human race and create a clean slate where we can create any kind of world we wish. But.. Instead.. you think I’m out fucking other girls”? Michael spoke harshly, continuing to stare into your eyes.

You sniffled, and tried to pull yourself together before you spoke again and gave a weak smile. You knew your accusation of him cheating was hollow, there really was no proof of him doing so. It was just a product of you being stressed and paranoid. The smile you gave him wasn’t really whole hearted, admittedly but you were done screaming and fighting.

The most important thing was that you had him back, and that the bombs were still due to go off most likely.

“I’m so sorry I said that Michael. I was just emotional. I didn’t mean that, I promise.. but.. today’s.. the day-“

You spoke slowly, not wanting to admit what today’s big event actually was but Michael cut you off anyway.

“You really think I wouldn’t cancel today’s event, Angel? I managed to postpone it. The cooperative wasn’t happy but I needed to see you. This whole thing isn’t worth it if your not by my side”.

You furrowed your eyebrows together, did Michael not get the point of your letter? You didn’t leave just for him to continue on with his plans. The idea was sweet but you didn’t exactly understand his motive and that made you uncomfterable.

You shifted and opened your mouth to speak when your eardrums nearly shattered with the loud noise that seemed to suddenly fill the air. It was fucking sirens. What the fuck??

You didn’t know what to do. You felt adrenaline start to course through your veins and you could only scream,

“What the fuck Michael”?!

You don’t know what scared you more, the sirens or the look on Michaels face. He looked horrified. He leaped out of the metal chair so swiftly you barely even saw him get up, his mouth was open - like he wanted to say something.

You stood up too, nearly shouting at him so that he could hear you through the sirens.

“Michael? ...

Michael?! ..

MICHAEL”!

Finally he seemed to snap out of it and realize you were still there, in front of him. You could see he was breathing hard, he was starting to panic. He came up to you and quickly embraced you.. it was as if he could almost smell your fear.

“Look, there’s nothing to worry about. It was probably just a miscommunication error, I just need to call-“

Michaels voice stayed smooth and steady as he talked but you knew him. You knew by the look in his eyes, the way he was holding onto you (he rarely EVER got clingy) that he was scared as hell.

You also knew you two didn’t have a lot of time. You knew how the nuclear attack was designed that after the alarms went off there would only be a couple minutes before the actual bombs released. You cut him off and started talking.

“-No, Michael. We don’t have time”. You said, your voice cracking. Another tear slid down your cheek as you kissed Michael with more passion than you probably ever had in your history of dating men.

You felt as if your body was on fire with the knowledge of what your future held, as you heard screams and chaos from every angle around you two.

You couldn’t help but selfishly think that atleast you had Michael and that you wouldn’t be alone now.

Taglist: @mina672 @9layerdevilsfoodcake @michaellangdonstanaccount @guiltyfiend @jimmason @langdonsexual

#ask #asks #my works #my fic #I honestly really like how this turned out #its so funny to me how grimes music always inspires me to write haha #michael x reader #michael langdon x reader #ahs #i feel like my first angst request was light and then after that ive made them so heavy and full of death lmao

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yellowjavkets · 3 years

Note

Can you recommend non white and non American music?

Absolutely! I am so fucking excited to answer this ask, like u have no idea. I’m fucking thrilled. Some of these are american but all of these are bands of color or are fronted by people of color(I’m gonna italicize musicians that I know are lgbt also. just like. given my recent complaints)

Mashrou’ leila is a Lebanese rock band that has just like. god. the lyrics. I can’t believe I went so long in my life without knowing of them. Their songs are in Arabic, but the translations for most are very easy to find. My personal recs for songs by them to get you started are wajih, radio romance, and 3 minutes. I absolutely cannot recommend them highly enough.

Babymetal is a band that I recently started getting into, like a million years behind everyone else. They’re a Japanese metal band and their music is super fucking high energy, really just launches you into the damn stratosphere. Some of my favorite songs by them are gimme chocolate, catch me if you can and starlight (most of their music is in Japanese but once again there are loads of translations)

Kevin Abstract is an American hip hop singer who writes music both soft and heavy sounding songs that relate to a lot of not often given the spotlight experiences, namely the experiences of being a gay black man in America. I relate to him more than a LOT of white gay musicians and his album “American Boyfriend” is an absolute fucking masterpiece, I even have it downloaded to listen to on long car rides. My favorite songs by him are Echo, Papercut and Miserable America!

Conan Gray is a pop musician who writes a lot of really fun music and like, so many fucking earworms. I literally cannot think of a single one of his songs that I don’t like at least a little, which is very rare for even musicians I do like. And his music videos are super fun. Some of my favorite songs by him are Fight or Flight, Crush Culture, and Wish You Were Sober, which I have listened to over 200 times

More music recs under the cut!

Fea is a latina punk rock band based in San Antonio that I absolutely cannot get enough of. Their name means ugly, but in the feminine form in spanish. Speaking of spanish, a lot of their songs are in spanish, but some are not, which gives it a nice eclectic mix. and helpful for spanish practice lol. Plus they were produced by Laura Jane Grace of Against Me! god, imagine being that fucking cool. My favorite songs by them are La Llorona, Sister K, and Pelo Suelto

Oceanator writes an eclectic mix of synthy business and guitar ballads. I love her music so goddamn much, and it's been a big inspiration in me finding my own sound! my favorite songs by her are Nowhere Nothing, I would Find you, and January 21st

The Hu is a band that took me quite some time to get into but they're a Mongolian rock band that wrote that one song that was super popular here in the states a while back. Their sound is heavier, but it's also so incredibly fucking cool. Some of my favorite songs by them are Sad but True, The Legend of Mother Swan, and Wolf Totem

Meet Me @ The Altar is a band that is very, very derivitave of paramore but in like a super fun way. Their sound is just so fun. Their sound has making me forgive pop punk bc turns out when pop punk is sung by a trio of WOC and not a white dude crying on his guitar about his shitty girlfriend, it can actually fucking rule. Some of my favorite songs by them are Garden, Tyranny, and May the Odds Be In Your Favor

Japanese Breakfast writes a lot of really cool slower songs that make my brain feel like it is melting in the absolute best way possible. it's really hard to describe, which is actually one of my favorite things about it. Some of my favorite songs by her are Road Head, 12 Steps, and The Body is a Blade.

Neon Jungle is a British band who writes a lot of high energy shit that just launches me directly into the fucking stratosphere. Like I'm so serious, they will end your life and revive you fifty fucking times over. My favorite songs by them are Trouble, Louder, and So Alive.

Pom Pom Squad is another band I really like, a rock band who does softer shit sometimes. Their range is insane, and Mia Berrin is one of the most talented fucking vocalists I've ever heard in my whole life. Some of my favorites are Sunday Song, Heavy Heavy, and Honeysuckle

Nova Twins are another duo from the UK who write a lot of heavier guitar stuff. Mostly white punk fans have gotten pissy about them being classified as punk, so I won't, but lbr it's clear what their influences are. In a good way. Their music WILL rip your dick clean off. Some of my favorite songs by them are Bassline Bitch, Devil Face, and Ivory Tower.

Black Belt Eagle Scout is an indigenous musician that writes a lot of really cool softer guitar shit. Super chill music I like to put on to relax and write to. Also loads of her lyrics are downright masterful. Some of my favorite songs by them are Half Colored Hair, Just Lie Down, and Indians Never Die

Rina Sawayama, who you probably know of at least periferally, writes pop music and stuff of that nature. Her music could pull me out of a fucking coma. She's based in the UK. I absolutely adore her and her weird fucking fashion. Some of my favorites by her are Bad Friend, Comme des Garcons (Like The Boys), and Lucid

Milck does a lot of like, idk how to describe it. I have no idea what genre it is. I don't care to know. It rules, whatever it is. It's sort of soft, but powerful with a really cool beat. Some of my favorite songs by her are Devil Devil, This is Not the End, and Call of the Wild.

I HAVE TONS MORE, LIKE LOADS MORE, LIKE GIVE ME THE GO AHEAD AND I WILL MAKE A PART TWO, but I think that's a good amount of my favorites for now.

#Anonymous #monster growl #slimed and answered

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monkeydlesbian · 3 years

Text

[ 🩹 anon said: hi love! may i request a male bnha matchup? 158 cm idk, i’m kinda reserved but once you get to know me i can be really cool, i’m shy as hell, social anxiety is all over me so i think i just want someone to help me through that, i’m latina, i have a flower diary! i enjoy my alone time people say i’m very quiet but refer to me as a kindred spirit, because once i know you pretty well i’m kinda soft, i have dark brown hair and eyes and i’m a huge nerd, and if i could describe myself as in one chatacter it would be amy santiago from b99 with a mixture of norman of the promise neverland! also i love your blog, can i get to be de -🩹 anon? tysm!!! congrats on 900 you deserve it queen. ]

hi, baby! today, you’ve been matched with. . .

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐈

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒!

♡︎ i matched you with shinsou because i think the two of you would really be able to push each other and help each other out in your relationship!

♡︎ you both understand each other very well, hence the concept of a kindred spirit.

♡︎ the two of you truly strike me as BIG homebodies, so your alone time together is something the two of you take pretty seriously.

♡︎ and it doesn’t matter what the two of you do in your alone time!! whether it’s watching a movie, playing a game, reading to each other, or maybe just even napping, the two of you will enjoy whatever it is you decide to do because it’s with each other and that’s all that matters!

♡︎ while shinsou isn’t necessarily shy, he’s still a bit more on the quieter side. but that doesn’t mean he won’t be able to help you out in social situations and ease you into conversation to make you more comfortable!!

♡︎ he loves to tease you on your height difference omg,,, i feel like i say this with everyone who’s requested a matchup that’s defo on the shorter side but THESE BOYS ARE MENACES OKAY!

♡︎ i just know that shinsou is so obsessed with every little thing about you :( he thinks you’re the prettiest and softest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on and he may or may not tell you that every time he sees you!

♡︎ he would absolutely LOVE to nerd out with you,, i feel like shinsou is the type of person to really indulge in someone’s interests because he sees how happy it makes them!!

♡︎ your relationship with shinsou is one that’s pretty laid-back and very sweet; i can totally see the two of you staring at each other with hearts in your eyes in a little coffee shop or just cuddling together on the bed :’)

𝐀 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄!

The whirring of the game console and the noises of... violence—coming from the speakers of the television surprisingly doesn’t hinder your ability to concentrate on the book in your hands.

What does, however, prevent you from concentrating on the words on the pages in front of you is the vibrations coming from your boyfriends chest up against your back as he mumbles nonsensically about the game he’s playing.

For a normally quiet guy, Shinsou sure has a lot to say about this damn video game.

“Y’know, you can play a video game without sounding insane, right?” You tease as you turn around after he finally beat the level he had been mumbling about. The book you were reading is set to the side on the bedroom floor, and you shift your body and pull yourself up using his shoulders so that you’re fully seated on his lap.

He tosses the controller aside once he gets back to the homescreen and rolls his eyes, wrapping his long arms around your waist and squeezing you into his chest.

“What’s the fun in that, baby?” He chuckles, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. “And don’t you mumble when you read?”

It’s your turn to roll your eyes now before your lips stick out in a playful little pout. Shinsou wants to kiss it off of you.

So, he does.

With one hand staying firm on your waist and the other cupping the back of your neck, his lips find yours in a slow and tender embrace.

His lips are warm and pleasantly smooth against your own (you take it he’s been using the lip balm you gifted him the other week, if the coconut flavor is anything to go by).

The two of you move against each other in practiced ease, and before you know it, Shinsou’s hands are making their way to the pockets of your jeans and his tongue is moving slowly with your own.

“D-don’t you have another level to finish?” You ask against his lips. The question is much like an outtake of breath, and you don’t want to separate from his lips for too long.

“Hmm,” he hums against you in contemplation, “yeah. But I think the video game can wait.”

You smile wide, and your teeth knock against his a little bit, causing the two of you to break out in a fit of giggles.

Suddenly, he gives your butt a little pinch through the fabric of your jeans, “up.”

The pinch and the command makes you yelp, but you do as instructed, standing up from his lap and stepping back to make room for him to stand up from the floor.

Once he’s at his full height in front of you, he grips your hips with a little smile, turning your body and guiding you until your knees buckle underneath you from hitting the edge of the bed.

“Precious thing,” he says, muses, looking at you and your dark locks spread out onto the duvet. It almost forms the shape of a halo. Shinsou thinks you’re an angel.

His precious angel.

★— 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 —★

#fyfa answers #🩹 anon #fyfa’s 900! 🌷#YES YOU CAN BE BANDAID ANON <3 #besty i did Not mean to make this sorta spicy LMFAOOAKFKSK #also these are coming out a little slow and i apologize!!#m jus a little burnt out from the shit ton i did that one day and regular life yk ಠ_ಠ

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revasserium · 4 years

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Idk if I requested this already but can you do sfw and nsfw for todoroki and Midoriya

bnha requests open

todorokisfw --

a little bit touch starved, though he’d be quite hesitant at first with the contact, still a bit unused to the concept of closeness that isn’t related to pain or wrongdoing; eventually, the dam breaks and he’ll itch to be close to you, to be ever closer, all the time, whether it be your knees pressing beneath the table when studying, or your arm casually slung around your shoulders; he’d ache for your touch, miss it the moment you’re gone, biting his lips when you kiss him goodnight, wondering if it’d be too much to ask you to stay just a little longer (or perhaps, just forever)

tiny little gestures of affection, like cooling your icecream on a hot day, or keeping your tea hot on a winter afternoon; tiny things he thinks you don’t notice (but you do, because you always notice when it comes to him), and when you say thank you, he’d start, because he really thought he was being subtle (he wasn’t; he never is when it comes to you)

“is there something wrong with my hair?” “no, i just like it a lot. reminds me of neopolitan icecream.” “... there’s only two colors.” “yeah, i know, but still.” he’d smile, and then you’d smile, and eventually he’d ask if you’d like icecream, to which you’d say, “well, i thought you’d never ask.”

sometimes he goes quiet, the kind of quiet that makes you wonder if he’ll ever speak again, but then it’s during those times that he’d reach for you, with shaking palms and a whole ocean of uncertainties locked behind his lips; you let him hold you, as close as he likes; you kiss him, slow and sweet and soft, and eventually he comes to, with a smile that tastes like thank you when he presses it against your lips

“you’re staring.” “... i know.” “why’re you staring?” “because... i can, and i want to.” you grin, “take a picture, it’ll last longer.” he shakes his head, “i’d rather stare.” “why’s that?” “cause... if i wanted, i could just reach out and touch you.”

nsfw --

he’d hold your hand, because he’s nothing if not a gentleman, twist your hair in his fingers and pull just had enough, sink his teeth into the skin of your neck until his name sounds less like a name and more like a prayer falling from your lips -- chanted, shouted, and screamed.

“let’s take a bath.” “we literally just had a bath yesterday.” “you don’t like them?” “no... it’s just -- we never really actually bathe.” his grin is a little too wicked as he tugs you to him, “exactly why i like them.”

(he likes them because he can heat up the water again without running more hot water)

he prefers the slow kind of love, the drawn out, feathers and flower petals and candles kind of love, the kind where he has time to spell out his desires across the parchment of your skin, kiss his name into the ridges between your ribs, savor the sting of your fingernails in his back as he drags you to another high, and then another after that; he’s never satisfied, but he sure as hell makes sure you are

don’t think he won’t use his quirk to his fullest advantage, because he will; and maybe he spent half a night googling temperature kinks, but he’s a quick study if nothing else, and when he puts his research to the test, he has you writhing beneath him, begging and whimpering -- it’s one of the only times he’d properly considered his own quirks as dangerous; he’d have to use them sparingly in the bedroom; he’s not sure he’d survive another night with the sight of you reaching for him, asking to be fucked until you can’t remember anything but his name

midoriyasfw --

he’s almost too pleased, too excited, and endeavors to make sure you know just how pleased and excited he is; he’ll hold your hand, a little too tightly sometimes, because if truth be told he’s still not sure this is really reality (he’d pinched himself more times than he can say), and he laughs too loudly, says “yes! i’d love to!” too many times, but it’s one of the things you love about him -- how excited he gets, how loud he can be, how determined when it comes to the things he loves -- well, now one of them just happens to be you

lots of giggling and blushing, at least when it first starts out, lots of reaching for your hand, unsure if this is okay -- but once you assure him that it is, he gets better, until it becomes a second nature hand, his fingers slipping through yours, swinging between you on the way back from class, his palm against yours like it was made to be there

“let’s go on a date!” “oh! where to?” “uhm -- hadn’t really thought that far yet.” you grin at his blush, “we could go to the movies.” “oh yeah! there’s that new docufilm about all might’s best rescues, have you seen the trailer? it looks super good!” you laugh, “sure!” “oh -- wait do you even want to see that? sorry, i shouldn’t have assumed...” “no, it’s okay! i’d love to go.” “are -- are you sure?” “yeah, i’m sure.” “okay then, let’s do it.” “yes, it’s a date.”

cuddle-studying, because why not have both?

sometimes he’d get carried away talking about the things he loves: all-might, curry buns, all-might, a new drill for his quirk, all-might, the cafeteria banana milk, all-might, fall as a season, and of course -- all-might, and then he’d pause to look at you, a blush on his cheeks, his fingers twisting and dancing in a language all their own (you swore you’d one day learn that language too, and you think you’re making good headway), he’d tell you sorry, that he didn’t mean to get carried away, to which you’d smile and shake your head, tell him that it’s okay, because you like hearing about the things he loves; and he’d say “well, i’d talk about you too, but it’s just whenever i try, no words come out -- like...” another blush, deeper this time, “like i could never find any words good enough to describe how much i love you.”

nsfw --

it would be a bit fumbly, in the beginning, a bit awkward, and a lot funny -- but he’d figure it out eventually (with a lot of help from the interwebs, but he isn’t about to tell you that); there’d be a lot of “is this okay” “does that feel good” a lot of “tell me if i’m hurting you” and “ah -- am i doing that right?” but once he finds it, once he figures it out, it’s (mostly) smooth sailing from there, and well, he’s always been something of an overachiever

maybe he’d get embarrassed about how much you turn him on, how quickly the heat gathers in his belly, how it snarls like a hungry beast at the base of his stomach, how sometimes it feels like he’s going insane, like he’s sitting in a boiler room with no ventilation, how his mind fizzles out into carnal desires and impulses when it comes to you; because sometimes when you kiss him like you do (like you want to do more than just kiss him), he feels like his entire body might catch fire and he thinks that he might have to ask todoroki about that temperature quirk because it feels like he’s got it

“please, god you’re so hot -- i’m getting really hot too, i mean not that i think i’m hot just -- you’re -- ngh -- you know?”

would 10000% get off on you riding his thigh, getting off on the thought of you being needy enough, the wonder in his eyes almost eclipsing the desire in his gut as he watches you work yourself over his leg; he tenses it just to watch you gasp, your head falling back; he thinks that if there’s a heaven, then this must be it; and he figures there’s no other paradise he’d rather be in than the one right here, right now

when he figures it out, how to push your buttons, how to get you panting, it’s all he can do to stop himself from tugging you into every semi-secluded corner; its all he can do to stop himself from imagining bending you over every surface -- the desks tucked into the back of the library stacks, the counter in the kitchen in the dorms at night, the sofa in the common room where everyone will sit and no one will know; he learns how to make you scream and gets addicted to the sound, presses his hand over your mouth, even though he knows that it won’t do much to muffle the noise; he wonders if everyone can hear, and revels in the thought that bitch, they just might be able to.

#todoroki shouto #midoriya izuku #todoroki x reader #midoriya x reader #bnha imagines #we could be HEROS #icyhot #deku #floofy floof floof #ya nasties #deku fucks okay #fite me on this #also i highkey headcanon that todoroki rly enjoys power bottoming mostly bc he likes to watch u ride him #but thats a headcanon for another day LOL

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purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

932

What's your favourite sport? Do you prefer to watch it or play it?: I love pro wrestling, if you count that as a sport. I definitely prefer to just stay in front of a TV – I have never been in a ring, nor am I physically fit to even give it a shot without getting harshly injured. Conversely, I love table tennis but I’d rather play it than watch a game.

Who was the last person to send you a friend request on Facebook?: It was a stranger who, upon checking, seems to be some sort of spam account promoting a pyramid scheme. Happy to nope the fuck out of there.

Have you ever been to that person's house?: Definitely not. I don’t add people I didn’t know on any level, anyway.

How recently did you wash your hands?: This morning when I cleaned up after Cooper.

How many girls do you know named Emma?: Not a common name here, so I don’t know any Emmas.

[trigger warning under this I guess. Lots of angst going on at the moment.]

Are you upset, for any reason at all?: Yeah. I’ve been feeling very upset and under stress lately...to give you an idea, I find it a personal achievement to have gotten up and taken this survey. I’m at least self-aware that this is a temporary slump, but while it’s here hanging around, it really sucks to be in it.

How did you feel when you woke up today?: Shitty. The only reason I got up at all was to feed my dogs but otherwise I’ve been glued to either the couch or my bed.

When you're stressed, what helps you to relax or calm down?: Lately, it’s episodes of Good Mythical Morning. Rhett, Link, and their crew will never have any idea just how much they’ve helped this 22 year old, now-wondering-what-her-purpose-is-in-life fresh college graduate keep sane, but I’m glad they have hours upon hours of content and podcasts lying around to keep me company while no one else can.

What were you doing before you started this survey?: I finished another survey that I abandoned yesterday, and was watching GMM to fill up the silence in my room.

Is there something else you should be doing, that's more important?: I’ve been job-hunting 24/7 but lately I’ve been giving myself a break on weekends since no one will be processing applications or booking interviews on a Saturday anyway.

When was the last time you neglected to do something that you'd planned?: Around noon today.

Is there someone that can always make you smile no matter how bad you feel?: Apparently not. I’ve been a wreck all month so far and nothing has worked. Before September, I certainly thought animals or certain humans worked as cures for me.

Do you have any friends that you feel don't fully appreciate you?: I don’t feel that way about them. I think my friends care for me a whole lot, which I appreciate. I’ve had friends come to my DMs quite a few times in the last few days with messages of support since I’ve been a little vocal about how sad I’ve been feeling these days, so I for sure don’t feel invisible. Making me feel present is the best gift anyone could give me.

When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful?: Last week when Gab came over.

Who was the last person that apologised to you?: Myself.

What were they apologising for?: Haven’t been looking out for myself recently.

Do you think they meant it?: I guess not, because I still haven’t stopped being destructive towards myself.

Would you be embarrassed if your parents looked at your Facebook?: I have them as my friends so they see everything. But I’m 22, so while they can complain about some of my posts (and it’s usually the political ones lol), they can’t tell me to take anything down anymore the same way they were able to do so when I was younger.

Describe the personality of the person you have feelings for.: She’s very warm, understanding, generous, and immeasurably protective of the people she loves.

What does your pencil case look like? What's in it?: I have a plush dog pencilcase that I use for my pens and pencils (given by my sister) and a pink pencilcase with a floral design that holds my highlighters (given by Jane).

In your Facebook friends list, who is the first person listed under 'D'?: Some girl named Abby whose surname begins with D. She was someone from my high school and we mutually know each other, but we’re not friends and we’ve never even talked.

How did you meet him/her?: I’ve never talked to her but I’ve known of her since grade school I guess? since she’s my sister’s batchmate.

Did the last person you kissed have facial hair?: No.

You're locked in a room with your ex. Any problems?: It would just be my girlfriend too so there wouldn’t be any problems, except that I’d probably break down crying upon seeing her again because I’ve barely pulled myself together over the last week and have had to go through it alone.

Be honest. What are you most afraid of?: These days I’m definitely doubting my capabilities and achievements and all the shit I’ve put on my resumé and portfolio, and now I’m scared if any company will even give me a chance. I’m honestly holding a little bit of resentment for every employed person right now because I have seen absolutely no one talk about how brutal this whole process/waiting game is, lol. This is so SHITTY, is it just difficult for me or what???? I’m so baffled.

In the last 24 hours, have you seen or spoken to anyone you dislike?: I’ve dealt with myself, but that’s it.

What colour are the eyes of the last person that told you they loved you?: Dark brown.

What is a word or phrase that you say often?: I like saying “I guess” because it makes me sound unsure about most things and thus makes me not 100% accountable if things go wrong hah. I do have another answer that’s more in line with the angst and depression I’ve been going through recently, and it’s that I’ve repeating BoJack Horseman’s ‘piece of shit’ monologue to himself, but this time saying it to myself.

Name 3 songs that remind you of someone special.: Sparks by Coldplay; anything by Mitski; and anything by St. Vincent.

How much chocolate do you have in your house atm, if any?: We have...a lot. We still have the chocolate cake from Nina’s birthday and we recently received an entire pack of various fun-size chocolate bars like Twix, Three Musketeers, etc. from my aunt. We also have chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream that I normally would finish up in a day, but I’ve been saving it for every future job rejection I receive.

Who is the most intelligent person you know?: Chesca.

Do you have younger siblings? If you do, are you protective of them?: Yes. I’m protective of my sister but I don’t show it lol. We are not showy in this family.

Who was the last person you insulted?: Idk probably a politician on social media.

What are the other members of your household doing at this moment?: I have not gone out of my room all day...I did not miss this sensation. It’s been a while since I’ve locked myself up for this long.

Do you have any neighbours that you don't get along with?: There’s a house behind ours that loudly plays 80s and 90s power ballads and love songs and it gets insanely irritating and makes the neighborhood feel cheap, but I keep my feelings to myself and I’ve never actually confronted them about it and asked them to stop or decrease their speaker’s volume.

How recently did you speak to the last person you kissed?: Like 30 minutes ago. I’m not very talkative these days and it was actually just the second time today that I initiated a bried conversation. I feel bad for her, and I can’t wait to get better so I can start treating her right again.

Who was the last person you told to get lost, or something similar?: I don’t usually tell this to people.

Give me a random line from the last song you listened to.: “We know better so we’d both better go.”

Have you ever had an argument with the last person you Facebook messaged?: Lots. She’s my girlfriend lol.

Do you have any plans for tonight?: I don’t know. If I feel any better, I’d practice and review for my upcoming interview this Tuesday, but if I’m not okay by then...I don’t know. I’ve stopped planning my days out recently and just go where my legs take me.

Where were you at 9 o'clock last night?: I was at the dining table trying to take a survey, but I quickly lost interest in it.

In the past week, have you slept past midday?: Kind of. Like I mentioned, Gabie’s on the night shift so I’ve been keeping her company, which means I occasionally take naps in the afternoon.

Is there anything happening tomorrow, that you're looking forward to?: No. I’m so scared of tomorrows now.

Is there anyone you used to be friends with, that you now dislike?: I dislike Athenna only because of her attitude and the way she treated Angela during the last few days of their friendship. I don’t have any personal beef with her, at least I don’t think I have. She likes stirring up shit though and I won’t be surprised if she was able to make up a story about me to get our other friends to dislike me.

What is your least favourite chocolate bar?: Eh, I’m pretty picky about chocolate bars so I have more brands that I dislike than the ones I do enjoy. I only like Reese’s, Butterfinger, Twix, and Whittaker’s.

Do any of your friends or relatives have the same birthday as you?: Just this girl I went to grade school with named Mitch. Otherwise, April 21 babies are a rare breed apparently.

Name the last song that made you cry.: O by Coldplay.

Who do you miss at this moment?: The me from like two weeks ago lol. How far I’ve fallen.

Where is that person?: Stuck in August, I guess.

Have you ever dyed your hair an unnatural colour?: No.

Have you had any deep conversations today?: No.

Is your television on atm?: It’s not, but I have my phone playing GMM videos on YouTube to keep me company.

If it is, what are you watching?: It’s one of their product test videos.

Are you wearing anything blue?: My shirt is blue, actually.

Who were the last 5 people to make you smile?: Rhett and Link, and that’s pretty much it.

Do you use Twitter?: Sure.

Tell me about the last YouTube video you watched. They’re pitting brand name cleaning products and natural cleaning products against each other and seeing which one is more effective. I love these videos of theirs, hahaha.

Is there anything else you'd like to say?: No, I feel like I’ve grilled myself enough in this survey.

#survey #surveys

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theartoflivingalways · 4 years

Text

i’ve been awake for over 24 hours

I haven’t been on tumblr in years. i stopped using it after high school, but I don’t know why. but now I’m back tonight, because I needed someone to talk to, but I have no one to listen. i have friends, i have family, i have a boyfriend. i have a therapist. but no matter what: i feel so unheard, so unseen, and so ignored by everyone in my life that i literally feel like i have no one to truly turn to. for anything. so, here i am. hope i get a warm welcome!!!

here’s the thing: i’m NOT a depressed person. i’m not sad, i don’t have any major mental health issues apart from anxiety and some adhd. and before you take that the wrong way, please don’t. i just got my master’s degree in social work and i’ll be starting my new job as a therapist in a couple of weeks.

but, i’m also NOT a happy person. tbh, i can’t really describe my overall ~mood~ or whatever you wanna call it. i kinda just wake up and survive the day, every day. i take it one day at a time ... kinda like what AA says to do; but no, before you ask or the thought crosses your mind, i’m not an addict. at least not a alcohol/other drugs addict ??? sorry

maybe this is why there’s no one to listen when i need them to. i fucking ramble about literally nothing before getting to the point.

it’s weird that i’m writing right now (ok, typing???). i haven’t done this since i was little. it feels good to do this, to have some sort of outlet when you feel so fucking unseen and unheard by every. single. person. around you.

so i haven’t slept in over 24 hours. it’s my own fault for sure and i have adderall to thank for that (yes i’m prescribed). i decided to start a blog again because i’m sitting here, still wide awake in my apartment, alone, while my boyfriend is sound asleep in my bedroom.

so what’s my fucking problem??? why do i want someone to talk to?? i don’t know honestly. i just feel like lately all i do is listen to others, help others, give myself completely to others. and in return, i get nothing. nothing even close to what i give, or to what i’m capable of giving. which is sad. not for me particularly (maybe?), but for others, yes, i think so.

i’m not saying that i expect anything in return for helping others, because i don’t. i didn’t enter the field of social work for the fucking money. and i know a lot of fucked up shit is going on in the world right now, and in no way do i want to minimize ANY of that. i’m just feeling a little lost and lonely, so i’m hoping this is a new outlet for me to sort out those feelings.

the last couple of hours, i’ve had a LONG string of thoughts. if you read through, you’ll eventually found out how they started. but one of the things i’ve been wrestling with in my mind is the type of person i am.

you see, it’s difficult to be “that” person for others your whole life, especially all the fucking time. if you’re anything like me, you know what i mean by that. and if you aren’t anything like me, well, first of all congrats!!!!, and secondly, i’ll explain what i mean.

when you’re “that” person for others, like myself, it’s easy for other people to walk all over you. take advantage of you, take you for granted, expect you to ALWAYS be there no matter the cost. and of course, why wouldn’t they? you’re always there to help. you’re ALWAYS there to offer support, guidance, and advice. you’re nurturing. you listen. you’re a fucking irreplaceable, loyal to death friend. if you’re VERY much like me, you’re also the one person in your family who isn’t a total fuck up (at least not publicly?)

you’re also nonjudgmental, and you were blessed with the curse of being empathic towards others at all times. empathy of course is beautiful and a very good thing to have in this life, but do you know how hard it is to feel for every single person around you.. and not have anyone feel for you???? damn

also, you never let anyone down!! ever. you’re reliable, dependable, trustworthy to the point where it’s almost sketchy because like??? who can be that way to everyone else at all times? you guessed it- people like me and people like u!! (if this is even semi-relatable, i’m sorry)

but people like us, like you, like me, tend to do this thing where we keep the same shitty fucking toxic people around that have hurt us, continue to hurt us both indirectly and directly, and who have let us down time and time again, because we continue clinging on to the fucking useless hope that “someday they’ll change”. someday, they’ll realize how fucking important you are to them and how shitty their lives are, and would be, without you in it.

you- we - also live by honesty and truthfulness, and assume others just live by this as well. but then you’re proved wrong over and over and over again, yet you never fucking learn your lesson because you are STILL hopeful that somewhere, somehow, deep down, other people DO stand by the morals you try so hard to stand by in life. most of the time, though, you’re completely avoiding the reality of other people and their experiences and who they really are, only to try to fit your own narrative of how you see things and how you think things should be.

if this sounds anything like you... i’m sorry. i know it all too well.

i grew up as the “golden child” in my family. not just my immediate family. my entire fucking family. the pressure to be perfect has lead me to develop debilitating anxiety in my 20′s, and it is what it is, but like, why the fuck couldn’t i have anxiety in high school like a normal teenager? why now?

so yeah my anxiety’s pretty bad. it’s pretty bad tonight, which is why i turned here. to tumblr. to try to write out my thoughts. which, by the way, i’m sorry, because this is an absolute fucking mess and makes no sense. if you are reading this, though, thank you. thank you for listening when no one else seems to.

anyway. growing up with the pressure of being *perfect* has a cost. at least for me it did: 1) anxiety of course, and 2) perfectionist tendencies. these have literally- LITERALLY - ruined my entire college and graduate school experience. perfectionism combined with anxiety is a recipe for fucking disaster, and i’ve been cooking it for years.

i am deliberately writing this without proper punctuation/grammer/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit, not capitalizing my letters etc., because i want to not have to be so perfect all the time on here, if this is something i’m going to stick to. i know that sounds silly but it’s actually been very difficult for me to write in all lower-caps and i’m very worried that no one will even read this and HEAR ME because of my literacy negligence (i have no idea if that’s even a real thing or if it even has meaning but it sounded right)

do u want to know why i decided to write this though, truly? what lead to me feeling like i’m “spiraling” - apart from no sleep in over 24 hours now? well, get ready to laugh, because i truly think i’m pathetic and going crazy.

i went to dinner tonight with my boyfriend and his fam. our waitress was a girl i used to know years ago in high school. my boyfriend knew her too. in fact, he knew her VeRY well. for the sake of my anxious overthinking, i don’t feel like going too much into the details of *that* situation, so thanks in advance for understanding.

anyway. this corny bitch made a joke about the current political environment. i won’t say what exactly, because i’d really like to keep my identity as concealed as absolutely possible on here. but long story short, no one really laughed - every one just kinda smiled awkwardly. but you know who did laugh? my boyfriend :)

TO ME, it seemed intentional. she wasn’t fucking funny, for one. she made a bad - no, a very bad- joke. like one of those corny dad jokes. not even a dad joke actually. a step-dad joke, except your step-dad is a loser that you hate, who treats ur mom/dad bad, has no sense of humor or a horrible sense of humor and idk, just fucking sucks you know ???

sorry that got kinda dark and it was unnecessary but do u know what i mean??? and no, that was literally not relevant to me or my family system/structure in any way. just kinda came to me, ya know? ...writing works in mysterious ways man

alright so if you don’t agree, that’s fine. i already told you to get ready to laugh, because i am well aware of how insane i fucking sound. but you know what makes anxiety & perfectionism 100x harder to cope with? insecurities. and i’m FULL of them.

so anyway. we left dinner. him & i were driving home. i will admit that i did have some wine at dinner, and i wasn’t drunk but i definitely was feeling cocky enough to stir the pot with him. so, i casually said, “hey... didn’t you date _____?” *insert annoying waitress’s name who i knew once upon a time*

i said it very calmly. very coooool. v collected and nice. he said “no? i’ve never even talked to or hungout with that girl”.

i wish u could see my face as i’m writing this right now bc i cannnot. like i gave u a choice.... the opportunity. tHE SIMPLE opportunity - a chance - to be fucking honest................................

this dude. straight up. lied to my face. about this fucking girl. ???????

YEARS AGO, they most certainly did talk. a lot. in fact, my crAZy ass searched their names on facebook to find their old little love notes to each other that they posted on each others’ walls. which were very cringey but nothing that made me feel jealous or insecure (for once). after all, they were from years ago- i’m talking 5+ - so likeeee.... why would he lie (:

oh and they definitely did hang out because.... i remember clearly.... a PICTURE OF THE two of them *together* *hangin* (prob bangin too) (sorry) years ago in this now-waitress’s bedroom. i believe it was a ~webcam photo~ that they took on the new mac computer her parents prob bought her. so this photo is now NO WHERE to be found. and believe me, i looked. no, i LURKED. i went to the beginnnning of her instagram posts and deep into her uploaded facebook pictures. ok, not ‘deep’, i literally got to the first pic she ever posted on FB just to try to find this damn picture. and it took me for. fucking. ever. because this bitch has prolly posted a million pictures in the last 5+ years like who does that???

but i swear to fucking whatever the fuck that this picture exists. i have fucking seen it. i’d describe it in perfect detail right now as if i saw it today, but, once again, i’m concealin my identity, yo, so i can’t do all that. v sorry

anywho. this dude - who i call my boyfriend (and yes i love him very very much and our past is absolutely fucked but that’s a whole other story for a very different time) - had the nerve, the audacity, to tell me to my face, that he “definitely doesn’t have a picture with her” because “they’ve never hung out or talked before” ... ?!??????

obv i sent him screenshots of the dirt i dug up on facebook from 5+ years ago (i.e., the old posts between them in case ya forgot during my rambling) bc like, caught ya in a lie sir. red handed.

i might be late on mentioning this part, but here’s the fucking kicker (and i’ve never used that phrase and i don’t know why i said that but ok?): TODAY, for the first time in MONTHS, literally!!!, bc of the virus and the quarantine and all that, i got ready today for dinner with his family. like actually got ready. i spent HOURS doing my make up. i don’t even remember the last time i did my make up, ok. i dressed in a really cute outfit. i felt fucking very good about myself. i thought for sure when he’d come pick me up to go to dinner he’d at least say something. at least acknowledge it. he has literally only seen me in raw form for too many days now. like, complete bare face and sweat pants basically every day since march.

but. did he even look at me twice?!!? no. did he mention anything about how i looked? how it was drastically different from my everyday attire the last couple months? did he take 2 seconds out of his day to say something corny or flirty to me? even just, “you look beautiful”??? honestly i would’ve even appreciated, “you look beautiful, for once” ???

did u guess the correct answer? well if u didn’t, it’s N O.

but u know who he did look at twice.

our waitress at dinner.

i think i wrote enough for one night. if u think this is my anxiety/perfectionism/insecurities combination spiraling out of control after being tamed incessantly for 20+ years, PLZ TELL ME.

but also, if you have a fucking brain, you’d know that:

1) this is definitely NOT the first time i’ve responded to something like this the way i did, and

2) i really just needed to ramble on and vent about all the shit that’s been going through my mind the last 2 1/2 hours, so there’s that.

have a good night get some sleep!!! thank u for ur time.

#why #me #cantsleep #upfor24hours #adderall #waitress #insecure #perfect #anxiety #sorry #helpme #help #needsleep #dontwanttotho #goodnight #getsomerest #ily #thanku

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calliecat93 · 4 years

Text

(Part Two)

Another volume, done. God, I feel like I just survived a whirlwind. To say that this has been a very eventful volume of RWBY would be a /huge/ understatement. We had so, so much happen. New characters, uncovered truths, political battles, murder and chaos at every turn, just… a lot. But we once again made it to this point folks. We made it to the end and we can take it easy as we await Volume 8. But with the volume now over, how did it fare? Was it a success? A failure? Or somewhere in between? And how does it measure compared to the previous six?

We have a lot to go over folks. So much that I had no choice but to make this a two-parter. Yeah, that long folks. The last two-parter I did was twelve pages long, so… yeah. In this section, we will cover Animation/Visuals, Audio, and the first half of the Character section (mainly the Atlas characters and villains). Part Two will cover the rest of the Characters (RWBYJNRQO), Story, Volume Stats, and my Final Thoughts. Everyone got all that? Good! With that said, let’s conclude this year’s RWBY Reviews with the biggest one of all: the full Volume Seven Review.

Animation/Visuals

Perfect as always. The design work once again proves perfect. CRWBY described Mantle and Atlas as based on different industrial ages, and it shows. Mantle is a big, but worn down city. It has some major New York vibes. Heck, maybe even some Gotham City with how bleak it is. The people are down-trodden and the place just looks dirty. It is a relic of the past, while Atlas represents the future. Clean, shades of blue and white to show how pristine it is, fancy locations like Atlas Academy or the Schnee Manor. Atlas is the future. A representation of the greatness that humanity can achieve… at least it looks that way. The two cities contrast so much, and it’s just so well done. When you compare to how we sadly saw so little of Mistral in comparison seeing this much with Atlas was a real treat.

Character stuff continues to be great. All of the new outfits of the heroes look fantastic. Even Jaune’s dumb hair ended up better in actual animation than it did in the still they showed at NYCC. Every character looks fantastic. Expressions are once more on point. One of the best cases is Ironwood. You can see how worn down the man is at every single turn, but also the steely determination. You can just look at him and you get the sense of strong authority, yet plain exhaustion all at the same time. In Chapter 11 when he goes from exhausted relief to full-blown horror, you feel it. Oh God do you feel it. You feel what all of these characters are feeling. Ruby’s despair in Chapter 11, Blake and Yang’s confliction in Chapter 7, Nora’s growing rage about Mantle all throughout the volume. How broken Ren feels in Chapter 13. The pure coldness from James form the same chapter when he shoots Oscar. The character animation was just on point.

The effects are also well done. I mean the Salem apparition in Chapter 11? Horrifying. Fria’s Maiden-charged blizzard was the best though. Powerful, yet somehow haunting beautiful. There have been some updates as well, like Neon’s rainbow trail and Neo’s Semblance look a lot better. Some new Grimm designs like the Saybers and the pterodactyl thing. There’s kind of a dinosaur/Ice Age theme with the Grimm, which fits with the Antarctica-esque environment of Solitas. The fight scenes were very well done, especially in the final chapters. The Ironwood vs Watts fight was freakin’ excellent and we finally got to see the Anti-Gravity biome! RWBY vs Ace-Ops was amazing on all fronts, both with the choreography and on a symbolic level. The best fight imo though is Cinder vs Penny and Winter, especially when it gets taken out into the open air. Pure epicness. Seriously, every fight was freakin’ fantastic, even minor ones like JNRO vs FNKI or the Bees vs Robyn. Even some that I wasn’t into, like Tyrian vs Qrow, CLover, and Robyn were fun to watch~

Overall, the animation and visuals were excellent~ Five starts!

Audio

If I went over every voice acting performance, we’d be here all day. Every actor was excellent. The regulars were excellent. The newbies were excellent. Everyone was excellent. We get people that we haven’t heard in a long while, like Taylor McNee (Penny), Elizabeth Maxwell (Winter), and Jason Rose (Ironwood). None of them have lost their touch. Taylor still captures Penny’s innocent charm beautifully, and her performance when Penny is just broken after being framed was heartbreaking. Jason was /especially/ good. He still carries the General’s strong authority while adding more weight, but when he becomes utterly unhinged? He did a masterful job with the performance. We also let Chris Sabat and Josh Grelle do more with their characters and it’s wonderful. Josh as Tyrian has always been great, but getting to hear Chris do more Watts? Excellent. I’m so used to him being the brute guy, like Vegeta in DBZ or Zoro in One Piece. But he does the calculated egomaniac very well and you can tell that he’s enjoying every single scene. Excellent job sir~ Jessica Nigri ended up stealing the show though, giving by far her most insane performance as Cinder yet and she 100% killed it.

We got some new people as well, and they were all great. I was so happy to see Cristina Vee getting cast and she does such a good job as Robyn. Playful but also determined. The Ace-Ops cast was good with Chris Wehkamp (Clover), Anaris Quinones (Harriet), and Mick Lauer (Marrow) being the stand-outs. Caitlin Glass got one episode as Willow, but she did an excellent job portraying how broken she is but also has just a spark of fight in her. She only got like… three minutes, and she did it perfectly. David Fennoy was a surprise to hear considering he was already in Grimm Eclipse, but it was a wonderful surprise. He perfectly portrays Pietro as this Gepetto-esque father figure who I fell in love with immediately. Then, of course, we have Jason Liebrecht as Qrow. To say that the guy was put into the not so flattering task of taking over due to the circumstances with Vic’s firing is putting it mildly. But he pulled it off. By the second chapter alone, I was already sold. He did an excellent job portraying Qrow and imo, already surpassed Vic. Like everything in Chapter 12? Jason /nailed/ every single emotion right on the head. I’m greatly looking forward to hearing more of him in the future~

The main cast as I said, were excellent. Some got it a bit easier this year, like Miles, Arryn, and Barbara. They still did great, but they took a bit more of a back seat and we’ll go more into that in Character. Neath and Aaron, while their characters stuff is more subdued, did an excellent job with their respective character’s viewpoints. Sam Ireland /finally/ got to do more with Nora outside ‘bubble and energetic’ with Nora’s anger about Mantle and her conflictions about Ren. She did it beautifully. Kara got much more with Weiss compared to last year, and she portrays all of Weiss’ worries and conflict perfectly. Especially in Chapter 4 when she tells her father off. I cheered so much. Lindsay with Ruby was perfect. She got a lot more serious moments with hr compared to the past, but she handled them all excellently. She goes through so many emotions in Chapter 11 alone and she hits every single one right in the head. She and Sam are tied for the standout among the mains, but all of them did an excellent job as always.

Then what’s RWBY without its soundtrack? Once more, perfect work. The scores were all excellent. Penny’s letimotif, instrumentals of songs like The Path to Isolation and Trust Love, the haunting violins at the end of Chapter 9, even the three-second bit of Indomitable in Chapter 10. Alex Abraham once more does an amazing job. I still remember the kickass guitar during the first fight in Chapter 1 and I was immediately pumped. Every score added to every scene and added so much more to them. But they also knew when to just let scenes be quiet, and it added so much weight. Once more, quality sound work.

But then we have Jeff Williams. What do you want me to say that I haven’t been saying since Volume 1? The man is a genius. He did amazing. Casey did amazing. I got nothing new to add. The songs this volume were freakin’ excellent. The opening, while kind of a tone contrast to the volume, was an excellent song and perfectly expresses the themes of the volume. Then we have things like the uplifting rock ballad Brand New Day, the badassness of Hero featuring Caleb Hyles, and the credits song as per usual. Speaking of Caleb though, it was nice to hear some new vocalists with him, Santi C, and the quartet in War, though of course, Casey remains flawless as ever. I loved all of the songs. IDK if it tops V6’s soundtrack yet, but it’s up there. Now, of course, my favorites will likely change when the full tracks are out, but here is the current ranking:

War (Chapter 12)

Hero (Chapter 11)

Fear (Chapter 13 Credits)

Trust Love (Opening Theme)

Brand New Day (Chapter 5)

Until the End (Chapter 13)

Touch the Sky (Chapter 3)

Let’s Get Real (Chapter 6)

Celebrate (Chapter 6)

Audio-wise, the volume was great. Great voice acting. Great sound effects. Great music. Just great all around~

Characters, Part One (Villains and Atlas)

There are… so many characters this volume. So, so many. Hence why I had to divide it up. We’ll cover the villains and Atlas characters here, and we’ll focus on the mains in Part 2 of the review. Since the villains won’t take too long we’ll start with them and go from there.

Not too much to say about Tyrian. He’s as terrifying and crazy as ever, and even moreso after Chapter 12, but it was nice to get some more details on his history before Salem. Him being a serial killer makes sense, as is his undying worship of Salem since she both saved him and she’s the manifestation of every twisted thing that he believes in. I think Chapter 12 also helped re-ignite his threat level with his brutal murder of Qrow, which reminded me even more than Chapter 6 of how terrifying the man is. Still, he was just there to be cray and murderous, and he did so. Watts thought was more interesting. We got some more background, like how he was a former Atlesian scientist who created Mantle’s security network and he joined Salem essentially because he felt like Ironwood put him down and he got jealous that Pietro’s project was chosen over his. It’s petty, but all the villains are petty. It helps him stand out though and he’s certainly one of the more interesting of Salem’s cult due to it. We also see that he does have some combat still, which is nice. No idea what happens with him now, but he served his role in this volume very well.

But then we have Cinder and Neo. Neither of which I was expecting anything major from this volume. Well, guess I was wrong. Cinder as of late has attracted a lot of hate… I mean yeah we /are/ supposed to hate her, but people just hate her as a character. The main thing seems to be how we don’t know Cinder’s motivations, and I get that. But really? I think that she was excellent here. Unlike in Mistral, she is once more in control and thus her smug personality is back in full. She’s only in four episodes, and she uses that time masterfully to turn everything on its head. The way she broke Ironwood alone with just a glass chess piece. She clearly learned from Salem well. I mean the way that Salem broke Ruby by just mentioning Summer’s fate? That is some master class psychological warfare. Something that Cinder has clearly mastered and when she isn’t running off rage she can pull it off excellently. But of course, at the end, she again failed to get the Maiden powers. With how she became more and more insane throughout the fight, I fear that she’s going to become even more callous than ever before.

I’m also really starting to grow fond of Neo. She started off as an overhyped character (imo) that was brought back for mere fanservice, but they are clearly trying to use her as best as possible. And I think that they’re doing a great job. Neo has an agenda against Ruby and knows that Cinder can easily obliterate her, which is the only reason why Neo is dealing with this. You can tell that unlike Emerald and Mercury, she is not happy following Cinder’s orders. She’s only following her to both get at her target and to live, not out of gratitude or feeling like it’s all that she has due to her upbringing. It’s nice to see someone who Cinder has no control over, yet Cinder can still over-power her so she has to go with it for now. But it helps give Neo a character and compared to before where I just didn’t get why she existed, I’m legit excited to see what happens with her next.

Now we can cover the Atlesian Military. They are… a complex bunch. Fitting, considering who their general is. James Ironwood has always been a very complicated character. On the one hand, we’ve seen through volumes 2-4 that he is genuinely a good person who wants to protect the people and do what’s right. But the problem with him has always been that he makes all the wrong choices. He didn’t heed Ozpin warnings in Beacon about showing off his military might, and it leads to the Fall and Atlas being made out as the villains. He hasn’t gotten any better. If anything, he’s gotten worse. He’s still well-intentioned, but as the old saying goes “The pathway to Hell is paved with good intentions.”, and Jame is the living embodiment of it.

We see that James did genuinely want to trust the heroes. He gives them the Lamp back, he gives them their license, he has them train with his best. He was sincere and he just wants to protect people. But his own paranoia and flaws as a person have overwhelmed him. His TSD has deteriorated his mind and since he isn’t getting proper help, it’s making him lose it. He’s terrified of Salem, so much that once he saw that Black Queen chess piece and doubt was placed into his mind, he snapped. He went from taking RWBY’s secret-keeping well and keeping focused on what was important, to turning on them and leaving a city that he is just as responsible for as Atlas to die. It’s a truly tragic tale. You /want/ James to do the right thing. He’s not a bad person, and you can see the logic with all of his decisions. But they are the wrong decisions not just on a logical level when you really think about it, but especially on a moral level. You can see that he knows what he’s doing is wrong and that he isn’t happy about it, but he still does it and now hundreds will die because of it. He has gone from a flawed but heroic man, to no better than Salem herself which he seals by shooting Oscar with no hesitation. It is a sad tale, but it is a well-done arc and just shows how excellent of a character James is. I am very pleased with his character here.

The Ace-Ops are decent additions. We don’t know a lot about them, but they have personality. Clover is the nice guy leader, Harriet is the confident and competitive second-in-command, Marrow is the out-going rookie, Elm is the out-going bruiser, and VIne is the calm, logical one. On the surface, they are heroic people… but like with James, it’s more complex. None of them are bad people, Marrow especially considering his Faunus status and he is fully aware of Atlas’ bigotry/messed up class system. But they were trained to not care about emotions or relationships. Priority Number One is obeying the general’s orders without question, and if they do, to go against those urges. It’s harsh because you can see that the five are good and friendly people, but once Ironwood lost it, that conditioning came into full effect.

You can tell that RWBY’s ‘betrayal’ hurt them. Harriet, despite saying that none of them are friends, clearly felt hurt and enraged. Same with Elm, though unlike Harriet who was practically going for the kill, Elm seemed to be trying to force herself to do so. Vine tried to solve it peacefully, clearly not wanting to fight, but no one else was willing to follow. Marrow was the biggest example. His heart was not in the fight, and I think he honestly did agree with RWBY. He tried to push himself otherwise, but it failed. Then Clover, who has stood by James’ side throughout even if he seemed unhappy with it, tried to arrest Qrow on the spot even when Tyrian re-entered the fray. That blind devotion sadly cost him his life… and I wonder how this is going to affect Ace-Ops. Despite what Harriet said, they were still all allies and I can see this messing them up. It either makes them want payback or see the light. Regardless, they were a good bunch of side-characters and I look forward to seeing what happens next.

A bigger, and much sadder, example of this Atlas conditioning is Winter. She is loyal to James because due to him and the military, she got out of her abusive home and a shot at a better life. But the sad reality is that she's really in no better position than she would have been otherwise. She’s been groomed to become the Winter Maiden and despite her choosing it to make it her own, it's still pretty much someone deciding her life for her. She internalizes her feelings and continues to obey James, despite knowing and feeling that it is wrong. Just like she was trained to do. The only person that she makes an exception for is Weiss, which seeing how much she cares and is proud of her sister and even taking her to the Winter Maiden facility was super sweet. But even then not only does she still keep a composed demeanor around Weiss, but she still stood by James even after Weiss became wanted. But hopefully, with the Maiden destiny not off the table and Weiss a fugitive, this will give Winter the chance to accept her own emotions and begin to carve her own destiny. One not chosen by anyone but herself.

But of course, the one we can blame for Winter’s state, along with James, is Jaques Schnee. I didn’t think I could hate him anymore than I already did, but I got proven wrong. The man is ambitious, willing to do anything to keep his business (well… the business he stole) running and himself in power. He runs for Council pretty much just to get rid of the embargo and takedown James. He’s despicable and I hate him and I hope he rots behind jail. Whitley doesn't really have anything new, just a bit more hammering down that he is the way he is due to the abuse and his sister’s leaving him behind. Willow though? She gets one episode, and I feel horrible for this woman. While her shutting down pretty much ruined her kids' lives, you can see why and feel sympathy for her. His is a woman worn down, and while the smallest spark of fight is in her as she gives Weiss the key to burying her father, it’s so clear that she’s broken. It’s going to take a very long time for her to recover if she does. As for Whitley, his father may be gone. But the control he had over his son is likely still firm. Which can only mean bad things for Weiss.

Opposing Atlas is Robyn Hill, Mantle’s Hometown Hero. She is very much the anti-Ironwood. She’s devoted to Mantle and wants to do what’s best for them, even if it means breaking the law. But she’s not unreasonable either. She was very friendly to Clover and Marrow, only becoming antagonistic after Penny got framed for murdering her supporters. And even then, she listened to Blake and Yang and was willing to give Ironwood a chance. One that he blew sky high. But Robyn comes off as a good person who sees the injustices with Mantle and once making a change the legal way became impossible, she resorted to the illegal route. And even then, she and her Happy Huntresses never hurt anyone and were trying to help the people that James was making suffer. Just as her inspiration of Robin Hood. She’s a very likable, inspiring character though I do wish we got some more backstory for her. But hey, she’s a good person who didn’t fall into Atlas’ conditioning trying to help those who need it, and you don’t need a motivation to do the right thing.

This brings us to Penny Polendina and her father Pietro. I’m so, soooo happy to have Penny back. I have some issues with her return, mainly in that she and Ruby never talk about what happened, But that’s more for when I get to Ruby. But aside from that, Penny was excellent. She’s still the same quirky, sweet girl that we met back early on, but we get much more of her this time. She’s been made Mante’s protector, and it is a duty that he is full-heartedly devoted to. She wants to understand feelings more, like how to balance the things she wants to do with her duties and is confused about how Winter can shove her emotions aside to do what is clearly wrong. Penny may be a robot, but she is by far the most human of the Atlesian cast. It made how broken she was when framed by Tyrian and Watts hurt so much, as well as Ironwood’s comments about how she’s under his control. He talks as though she’s just another robot soldier, and you can see how much that hurts her. But at the very end, she proved how goodhearted she is when she calms/comforts Fria in her final moments, and due to it, Fria chooses her to be the next Winter Maiden. A title that she absolutely deserves.

We can probably thank Pietro for Penny being a good person. He’s just as lively as she is and clearly loves her with all of his heart. I mean he’s given up chunks of his Aura in order to bring her back. That is love, people. While I wish he had more of him (and Maria for that matter), Pietro was so much fun and a welcome addition to the supporting cast. He’s a genius responsible for much of Atlas’ technological achievements, but he also takes time to help those in Mantle. He wanted to create a savior with a soul, which I think says a lot about him as a person. While I wish he and Penny had more interaction, that loving father/daughter bond is there and it helps them both stand out among a cast slowly losing their humanity. I worry for them, especially with Salem having Grimm Monstro on her side, but doesn’t change how happy I was with them here.

Then we, of course, have our main cast… but that is something that we shall cover in Part Two. Stay tuned~

#rwby #rwby7 #rwby reviews #callie reviews

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jiminsfault · 4 years

Text

50 questions tag

I got tagged by @yoongs-jeontae ! Thank you💖

What colors is your hairbrush? It’s like a brown-ish shimmery color? Idk o.o

What food would you never eat? I probably would never be able to eat the meat of rabbits or deers, sheep and that kind of stuff

Are you usually hot or cold? I’m always a cozy crispy amount of warmth under my blanket. But when I’m outside I go from both extremes because I’m super sensitive so, spring/summer: always hot, autumn/winter: always cold. There is no inbetween

What did you do 45 minutes ago? I was in an online class and got math tutoring🤠 it was horrible thanks for asking my brain is fried

Favorite chocolate? The really dark kind. It’s the only chocolate I’ll ever really crave. I can bear milk chocolate if I have to

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? I hAve actually omg! It was a handball game and super boring, I didn’t know whats going on ever and only clapped when everyone else did🤡 (I was forced by my ex to tag along I absolutely hate sports)

What was the last thing you said out loud? “Oh my god, that was horrible” right after I ended the call with my teacher skckjs

Favorite ice cream flavor? Brownie fudge? Is that what it’s called? The chocolate ice cream with brownie pieces in it, it’s so fUcking gOOD sorry for cursing it’s necessary

What was the last thing you drank? Some nice crispy wAter

What kind of wallet do you have? A small black one because I didn’t think about practicality when buying it. Currently looking for a bigger one.

What was the last thing you ate? I actually have no clue if that’s the english word for it but kebab? IT’S DÖNER IN GERMAN

Did you buy clothes last weekend? I haven’t bought clothes in months actually omg

What was the last sports event you saw? I watched the soccer game that’s like a really big thing back in 2018 🤠🤠

Who was the last person you texted? My mom cus she’s out buying groceries and asked me what kind of ice cream I want kekdjejd

Do you like camping? I despise camping with my entire being. When I was little my mom always forced me to go on 500 camping trips a year and I feel the biggest rage in me when I think about all the bugs and uncomfortable nights I- will not continue talking about this now.

Do you eat vitamins? No, like not at all. Not one vitamin has entered my body in a few weeks. I used to have these tablets that disappear in water but I stopped drinking that because I only take them bc of my muscles and currently I’m not leaving the house so,,, don’t need them >:)

When was the last time you traveled? The last time I full on traveled like outside of the country was in 2018 when my class went to italy because of our graduation 🤠 trauma

Do you like sunbathing? I can’t really answer that because if I sunbathe I will burn. Like literally I’m getting a sunburn just from walking to the train on a sunny day if I don’t have the strongest suncream on??? My skin is very🤡 so yeah idk if I like it? Never tried

Asian or Italian food? Asian food absolutely. I’m not sure about italian food because I just don’t know anything about italian kitchen but I dO knOw that theres so much variety with asian food? And so far I’ve loved every asian dish I’ve tried so,,

Do you drink soda? Nope. I stopped drinking soda four years ago I think because my skin was sO bad and I gained weight so quickly without eating a lot so I stopped drinking soda and tada! Barely getting pimples now😎 also it’s just tastier like my mouth doesn’t stick anymore and I don’t literally feel the sugar on my teeth?? (Although I do sometimes sip on a bit of coke but only on special occasions)

What color socks are you wearing now? White with a very,, aqua? blue stripe? And the name of the brand in the same color🤠 fashion

When was the last time you were speeding? I don’t drive🤡😔

What are you afraid of? Everything pretty much. Commitment, people leaving me, talking to people, failing, succeeding, should I continue?

What can you see if you turn left? A lot? It’s inside my room (my bed is in the right corner) but first thing would be my switch cus she laying next to me

What kind of housework you like the least? I actually love housework? At least the things that I do. Like I never mow the lawn because that’s not my job yknow? But I like emptying and filling the dish washer, cleaning pans in the sink, doing the laundry, wiping the floor. Maybe I should become a maid?

What is the first thing you think of when you hear someone talking in a language you don’t know? I try to hear what language it is, like I try guessing at least. Of course I don’t know what every language sounds like but it’s a fun little game I have for myself when I’m bored in public transpo

Do you sleep on your back or side? On my right side towards the wall. At least at night, when I take a nap I sleep on my left side towards the room. Idk why pls don’t ask me, I can’t fall asleep otherwise.

You crave fast food, where do you go? So around where I live there aren’t a lot of options? Also in germany in general we don’t have the fast food fest that america has, so I always go for either Mcdonald’s or Subway.

What is your lucky number? 5. I don’t know when it became my favorite/lucky number but somehow at some point in time it’s become the number I always use when someone wants me to guess or answer a question, I use it for picking things and all that🤡🤠 maybe it’s because it sounds rly funny in german

Who was the last person you talked to? In person my mom cus she’s the only one I see nowadays. On the phone would be two of my friends and I also talked to my tutoring teacher through discord so? Pick👁👁

Do you eat meat? I would say no if I wouldn’t sometimes do slip some meat in. It’s very rare and a small amount when I do. Idk how this developed because I used to eat meat multiple times a week but at some point I started only eating chicken and only in smaller amounts and sometimes not even once in two weeks. I eat fish tho? Does that count?

What was the last song you listened to? “Love without tragedy/mother mary” by rihanna because I was feeling the 10’s last night at 5am🤠

Last book? I actually just tried to find the english title of it but I can’t find any sign of it being translated so,, “der Totenzeichner” by Veit Etzold. I read this book twice, once in 9th grade and once just recently and I will not get enough of it. Another one of his books “Final cut” is laying on my bedside table waiting for me to start it. He’s an iconic author.

What is your favourite day of the week? If we were speaking from when it’s a regular routine and I would go to uni, I’d say Monday. I know I sound like a psycho but saying friday or saturday is my favorite day is basic because obviously everyone loves the weekend. Monday is a great day usually because my day starts in third period and does still go 6 classes like regular days but it feels nice to go into uni later in the day so I always appreciate it. (Tho saturday do be hitting different)

Do you know the alphabet song backwards? I don’t even know it forwards 🤡😔

Favorite coffee/tea? I don’t drink coffee but my favorite tea is probably fennel tea, everyone I know hates it, especially without sugar but I love it :(

Favourite shoes? From the ones I personally own I’d say my nike zoom 2ks because they look good and are super comfortable. Shoes that I wish I would have would be Dr. Martens but I’m pOor🤡 I am absolutely a whore for sneakers so I won’t even start listing all the sneakers I love

When do you usually go to sleep? If I’m on schedule around 11-12pm of actually going into the bed physically and falling asleep 30/40 minutes later. While I’m now constantly at home I do still physically get into bed at the same time but I stay up from 2-7am depending on how fun people are, if I play a game, if I read/draw, have a series or movie to watch. I’m insane I am aware🤡

When do you usually wake up? Again, when I’m on schEdule I wake up mondays and tuesdays at 6.30am, from wednesday to friday at 6.10am, on the weekend around 10am. Right now? It’s a surprise everyday. Sometimes I’m up at 4pm, sometimes I’m up at 10am, today I was actually super early with 9.30 so😎

Sunrise or sunset? That’s actually so hard because I do see the sunset a lot more than rise since I have my rOllÄdEn down so I don’t actually remember what a sunrise looks like. Because I have no other choice I say sunset. With doubt.

Do you like your bed soft or hard? I thINK my bed is hard? I once laid on a friend’s bed that was super soft and I’m pretty sure I didn’t like it

Describe the plate you are eating from? They’re from ikea. They’re white with like blue swirls idk my mom bought them I didn’t make the decisions

Your favorite type of alcohol? Currently I don’t really drink alcohol (mainly because of the lack of opportunities) bUt when I do drink I really like sweet sparkling wine (I googled this I’m not sure if that’s the right word idkd)

Do you like board games? Depending on which people I play with. If a person is getting angry that they’re losing it makes the game absolutely suck and since I’m surrounded by those people I haven’t made good memories with board games kcjdjs,,, if the company is fun I like the games too tho

If you had a car, what kind would it be? Unrealisticly I’d love to own a Lamborghini Aventador or Urus because those cars are just mouth-watering to me. Since I most likely won’t ever be able to afford either of those, I’d love to have a Fiat 500. I fell in love with this car like,,, it’s so cute and the inside is pretty too so everything fits for me the way I want it to. I’ll have to settle for a way less nice car tho once I get a license, at least for a while🤡

Do you know how to change car tires? In theory yes

Dream country? Like to live in? Damn idk. I’d love to live in a country with like,, cULTURE you know? Something exciting and cool to look at, less stuck up people almans be really boring 🤡 so maybe something like spain or italy, maybe america if yall vote for a different president. Japan or Korea would be super cool too I- the whole world ma’am? I couldn’t live in countries like idk hawaii or sumn because of the heat so I’ll just mfing stay in germany😔😔

If you could choose from any jobs in the world, what would you like to do? If I would have the chance I’d love to become an actor because that just seems super cool. But like I’m not nearly attractive enough for people to want to look at me on a scEen so nO

What would you like to try to do? I’m pretty set on trying to learn how to dance like that’s probably not as exciting as other things I could do but :/ yeh idk

And what is stopping you? Literally just me being lazy and talking myself into believing I won’t be good without even trying nsncjsks (also yes I seperated these questions because otherwise it wouldn’t be 50)

thIs was sO mUch omg sjjcjs I’m literally exhausted from all these questions😩😩

I’m tagginggg @gallhali @shadowsremedy if u wanna!

#tagged #fairyfriends #yoongs-jeontae

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