#i've been going through a bunch of medical stuff

[rk800-is-hot-change-my-mind]

RAHHHHH I WANNA POST SOMETHING BUT I HAVE NOTHING TO POST

#life update then ig?? #i've been going through a bunch of medical stuff #as you may have gathered from the fundraiser #but like shits wack bc in the same day i'll be able to like walk to the kitchen with only one crutch #and then later won't be able to move my legs or support myself on them #so we roll instead of walk now #anywho #i haven't been writing a lot #but i do have an AU in mind that i wanna write and make art for #which i am working on that art btw so maybe expect something like that soon #my partner and i broke up a few weeks ago so i'm back into fanfiction again to fill that void #but that's about it #epicqtefail if you're reading this then 8===D #oh! one more thing is that ive been rereading the hunger games series bc i still haven't read the new book and need to refresh my memory #anyone please send me silly pet pictures if you have them <3

[doberbutts]

We have a little free pantry in our front yard (toothbrushes, tampons, shelf-stable snacks bottled water, etc.), and I read a lot about people's experiences having one online before we put ours up re: expectations about potential interactions with people using it, but nothing prepared me for how weirdly aggro *other* people sometimes get about us having it as a form of "activism" as opposed to some other, more nebulous idea of broader social change. "Don't you think it'd be better to volunteer at or donate money to a homeless shelter, so those people can get the actual help they need?" "Shouldn't you focus more on trying to campaign for policy changes that will help more people than one street corner if you care about this problem?" "Isn't doing that a waste of time?" "Aren't you just encouraging people not to get help?" I do that other stuff when I can. This is something small I can do - in addition to raising awareness and fighting for bigger change, when I have the time and money and spoons - and at least, when I don't. It's crazy to me to approach social justice issues with such an all-or-nothing mindset as some people seem to. I've met enough of the individuals who utilize it to know it makes a difference in a very tangible way for the people directly around me.

No, I agree entirely.

Corny and dated as it is, there's a reason the saying is "be the change you want to see". If no one within the community puts in the work to fix the community's problems, even in little bits and pieces, then how will anything change? Raising awareness only goes so far. What happens when all anyone is, is aware? Aware, and still doing nothing, waiting for someone else to put in the work.

Sometimes, that someone is going to need to be you. You can't just wait around and wait for someone else to do it for you.

If I see someone digging through the trash for food, I wave them over and offer them food from my house or fresh food from a store or take them to a restaurant where they can order whatever they want. If I'm getting groceries and I see someone very obviously homeless struggling to pay for their food, I tell the cashier to add it to my bill. No one starves in front of me. Ever since I stopped needing to rely on food stamps, no one starves in front of me.

This past summer I saw someone splayed out on the sidewalk in 95F weather in direct sunlight. I couldn't tell if he was unconscious from drugs or passed out from the heat or just simply had fallen asleep in the shade and then the sun moved. I was getting groceries so I added a bunch of hot chicken to my order plus several bottles of refrigerated water. I went over to him and woke him and explained that I was worried he needed medical attention. He'd passed out because he was tired, he told me. I offered him the hot food and the water and he thanked me, telling me he'd run out of water the night before and food the day before that and didn't have any money to get any more.

Everyone else had been walking around him like he was just an obstacle on the sidewalk. No one had thought to offer any help. When I walked away, some folks who saw me told me that that was very nice of me. I don't think it was nice of me. I think that's just what you should do if you see someone obviously in distress. They agreed that he seemed like he needed the help. They didn't act. They agreed that the compassionate and right thing to do was to offer assistance and make sure he was okay. But they didn't do it. They waited for someone else to do it.

I've mentioned in passing that I volunteer for the local teen LGBT club, helping lost gay kids find their way and maybe not kill themselves about it. It's not much. I mostly just text back and forth with whatever kids get my number from the adults that run the thing. Sometimes I give them tips and advice. Sometimes I'm just the cool gay uncle they tell about their latest school drama. Once or twice I've served one of them lunch on my couch while my dogs smother them with affection and they cry about their latest heartbreak. I don't do speeches or history lessons or anything like that. I don't think I'm qualified for it, in honesty. But if even one of them doesn't commit suicide, if even one of them doesn't self-harm, if even one of them no longer feels all alone in the world because I'm there when they reach out to me, that's enough.

Today on my commute to work, the guy in front of me had a major wipeout on his motorcycle. I stopped my car in a position that none of the other cars could hit him, and asked if he was okay, and waited until his friend (also on a motorcycle) had circled back around to help him off the road and check him over. I left once his friend waved me away. I offered to call an ambulance but he refused.

A couple weeks ago, also on my commute, a woman was stopped on the side of the road, waving her arms at drivers, shouting for help. I stopped. The other drivers didn't. Her car had died, she was new to town, and she was somewhere that notoriously doesn't get cell service. I helped her call a tow truck. It wasn't a trap. She didn't want to hitchhike. She just was stuck and panicked about it.

I stop and help animals get off the road. I've lost count on how many turtles I've carried to the other side. I helped my neighbor search for a dog he saw get hit by a car so he could take it to the vet. I shoveled my elderly neighbor's driveway for her, and talked my boss into giving her a major discount for her little dog's dental in which pretty much every tooth needed extraction or he would die. When I still lived in that rental with my roommates, we were surrounded by kids. Every kid on the block knew we were a safe house to go to. If they needed food or water, if they needed entertainment, if they needed just somewhere to be, they could be at our place. When covid started, I did a "reverse halloween" since Halloween was canceled, and I put bags of candy on every doorstep that I knew had kids inside. I've done a "neighborhood santa" putting a small toy plus a small gift card for the parents on every doorstep that has kids, for as long as I've lived around kids.

When I say activism requires action, I don't mean that every single person is required to save a thousand lives. The honest answer is, unless you have a lot of disposable time and money, you probably won't. But you can still make a difference. To one. To ten. To twenty.

And you know what? I'm not saying black people specifically came up with this- but how can you be surprised to know this is how I live my life when I say over and over that I was raised by black activists who lived during MLK Jr and Malcolm X and knew community action would have the longest-lasting effects? Of course I do all this. That's what being part of a community *is*.

[sachirobabe]

Chapter 3

Gojo Satoru x reader

Wc: 2440

Curseless au

Summary: Amidst the zombie apocalypse, your courage shines as you not only saves lives but capture the heart of Gojo Satoru. Together with his first-year students, you all embark on a perilous journey, not only for survival but in a quest for a cure that adds a poignant layer to the unfolding romance.

<— Previous | Masterlist | Next —>

The night passed, you getting only a few hours of sleep. Part of it was because strangers were in your space, and the amount of zombies banging to get in.

You stretched and got out of bed, your warm feet coming in contact with the cold floor assisting in waking you up.

As you stepped into the living room, you saw Gojo already awake, staring through a small crack in the boarded-up window. He turned his head, giving you a light smile.

The first-years stirred in their sleep, adjusting to the unfamiliar surroundings.

"We should be able to leave once they wake up." He stretches his limbs and makes his way to the couch, sitting on Megumi's legs, which causes him to frown in his sleep. "Staying here isn't a long term solution." He adds.

"Why not? I've snaked by." You say and sit across from the man.

"You really think you can survive the rest of your life here, by yourself?" He asks. "How will you know if there's a cure, or a base for the rest of humanity?"

You think for a moment. He was right, but the gangs were too risky and dangerous to join now. "I guess I wouldn't."

He nods, knowing he was correct. "You should come with us."

"I barely know any of you." You chuckle, "How do I know-"

"If we had bad intentions, we would've already have gone through with them." He cuts you off, "Besides, I think we could be a useful team."

You sigh, "I don't know if I can just go with a bunch of strangers."

Gojo thinks for a moment, "Okay, I have an idea. How about every day we both share something intimate. That way we get to know each other more." He proposes.

"I get to ask something?" You raise an eyebrow.

"Yes." He nods.

"You're very adamant on me joining you guys." You laugh.

"We've run into trouble with other gangs, so I kinda want to form my own group. One with plans to survive long-term and not just steal." He goes on, "And I think having you would increase our defense and you're smart so who knows what kinda medical stuff you can do."

You quietly thank him and think for a moment. "Okay, it's a deal. I'll join." He smiles widely, but not for long as Megumi kicks his side, causing him to groan.

"Get off me." He mumbles.

"You guys are loud." Itadori rubs his eyes and sits up.

"Sorry." You say, "What now?" You ask Gojo who's massaging his side.

"We pack up and leave." He stands.

"Now? Do you even have an idea of where to go?" You say, waking up the first-years, they sit up and listen.

"I want to find some of my other students.. and friends." He says. "We found a small base, it looks like military, but it's covered in barbed wire and who knows if the electric fence still works— what I'm getting at is I have no idea if it's taken already."

"So where are we gonna go while we find your friends?" You say and follow him to the kitchen.

"We'll go to the school that I teach at, that's where we've been staying. There's still some areas around here I haven't gone to look at for my friends." He says and grabs a granola bar.

"That's mine." You frown.

"It's ours now, we're teamed up now." He laughs. "Better get to packing, I want as much daylight as I can get."

You nod and head back towards your room, "I have some food in the kitchen, help yourselves." You softly smile at the students.

You couldn't believe you were leaving the solace of your home, but you knew the man was right. You have barely any idea of what's going on in the outside world.

You grab your backpack and begin filling it with clothes and other necessities you needed. You also felt a little better about this whole apocalypse now that you have others and you're not just alone.

You take one last look at your bedroom and sigh, shutting the door and walking back into the living room. The first years were all in the kitchen with their teacher.

Their heads all turn when they hear your footsteps. "You ready?" Gojo asks.

"I think so." You clutch the handle on your bag. The five of you head out, each first year and Gojo carrying a backpack as well with stuff from your place that was deemed useful.

You've briefly heard of the school Gojo taught at. You had to be either insanely intelligent to pass their exams or you'd pay your way in. It didn't surprise you that the school was beautiful.

Gojo looks around more shutting the door and boarding it up. You're all glad there were no run ins with zombies or people. The building was cold, almost cold enough to see your breath.

"Is there a fireplace anywhere?" You ask, standing awkwardly, not sure where anything was.

"No," Gojo chuckles, "Why do you think we all wear so many layers?"

You smile nervously, your apartment had a fireplace so this would be new for you. It was always risky to have it on because of the smoke from your chimney, but nothing had happened to you.

"And cuddle while we sleep." Itadori smiles widely and attempts to hug megumi, only to be pushed off.

You were smiling at the interaction, Nobara walks back into the room a little out of breath, the mood instantly changes, her face is full of worry. "I think someone broke in."

Gojo's demeanor changes, "Show me." You all followed behind him, you could feel the anger in his footsteps. Glass shards were shattered all over the floor, furniture was thrown around and some broken pieces scattered around the room.

The cold air filled the room more intensely than it did before, swaying the curtains. Gojo sighs, "Anything missing?"

Nobara shrugs and begins to look around the room, your eyes catch the floor, eyeing some muddy footsteps. You begin to follow them, two pairs of steps went towards the kitchen and another two went to the living room.

You're surprised at how you didn't see some of the cabinets flung open, food was basically nonexistent, it was all gone.

"They took some blankets and whatnot. We had all of our weapons with us when we went to your place, so we didn't lose much." Gojo informs you as, he too, followed the muddy footsteps.

"All the foods gone." You turn around, now facing his huge stature. Gojo sighs and rubs his forehead.

"I knew they'd try and get us." He says.

"You know who did it?" You're puzzled.

"I have an idea of who." He clears up, "We're gonna be eating up your food then. I was hoping to be able to ration it." The first years come back into the kitchen.

"Is it safe for us to sleep here?" Nobara brings up, "Cause I don't feel safe."

"We could have someone keep watch?" Itadori proposes.

Gojo shakes his head, "We're gonna have to sleep here, we have nowhere else to go."

"What about Y/n's place?" Megumi says, "it's warmer there too."

"We'll lose too much daylight going back, I wanted to look for Nanami and the second-years here." Gojo says, you have no idea who he's talking about, but the group of three stiffen at the mention.

"I can take first shift, do you mind taking the second?" Gojo turns to you.

"If you're all okay with it, of course." You agree, no objections were made so you nodded. Gojo cleared the place once more, making sure nobody was hiding.

"What now?" Megumi stares at Gojo, "The place is a mess."

"Are you still going out to search?" Itadori asks, rubbing his stomach as it growls.

"I can board up the openings," you offer, "It's gonna make a lot of noise so we'll attract some attention." You warn.

Gojo thinks for a moment before responding. His brows furrowed and his eyes glared at the ground. "That'll work, I don't want to risk leaving and not being able to get back in, the sound will be loud so we'll for sure be surrounded."

Nobara throws you a hammer and some nails while she carries some planks. The boys in the meantime cleaned and reorganized the place.

The last window was halfway boarded up, there were some light banging on the other side of place from the zombies, you'd have to make this quick.

"Will we have enough time to finish this one?" Nobara asks as she eyes the other boards.

"If I can hit the nails in two hits we should be okay." You grew a little worried, unsure if you'd be able to do it since all your other hits had taken 3-5 hits.

Nobara held the second to last board as you take a nail from your mouth and begin to hit it, groans from the zombies got closer and closer, making you panic internally.

"Last one." You say hitting as hard and precisely as you could, you'd manage to hit a few in just one go. Finally the board was finished, just in time as the zombies began to bang on that window.

"Nice job." Gojo smiles as he walks into the bedroom, "I warmed up some dinner for us." He motions for the two of you to follow.

"Your cleaning could use some work." Nobara eyes the kitchen and living room.

"I thought I did good." Gojo frowns, handing you a bowl of soup. Your fingers grazed his for a second, they were freezing. You wonder to yourself if they're always that cold.

Nobara begins to banter with Itadori and Megumi on their housewife skills. The sight makes Gojo and you smile. Memories from before the apocalypse filled your mind, you missed working at the hospital.

The florescent lights were your home, taking care of patients and analyzing results brought a small smile to your face. You stopped yourself from daydreaming any further so you wouldn't get too sad.

To distract yourself you looked at Gojo, his blue eyes were already looking at you, his hair is disheveled, probably from running his hands through it so much. He clears his throat and sees your bowl is empty, he takes it from your hands and his chilling fingers meet your warm ones for what felt like forever.

A huge bang catches all of your attentions, muffled groans and moans could be heard from outside. You'd never get used to that, you're glad you weren't the only one that flinched this time.

"Your stove uses propane?" You clear your throat, the first years were tasked to bring in the buckets of rainwater collected from outside to be boiled.

"Yeah, was yours not?" He asks, making sure the water was clean and placing it over the flames.

"No," You sigh, "I ate all my stuff cold and showered cold too."

He laughs, "You're in luck now, huh."

You join his laughter and agree, but worries of how you're all going to survive kept flooding your mind. It was hard enough to feed yourself and stay somewhat hydrated already, now there were 5 of you, and by the looks of it, there'll be more later.

Occasional bangs and loud noises were heard making it hard for you to sleep, the cold also wasn't helping. The five of you all slept in one room, more bodies means more heat. You layered up on clothes, but your face was still cold.

Your "bed" was situated next to Gojo's, he was on first watch so you're not really sure where he is. You turned to your side again, frustrated from not being able to sleep, you get up to see if you could look outside to calm you down.

The door stayed open so you didn't make much noise getting up, you started to become more familiar with the layout of the place, you walked into the living room, you're not entirely surprised that Gojo was there.

He gives you a soft smile and pats a spot on the couch near him, "Can't sleep?"

You shake your head, another particularly loud bang startled you, making your heart race. Gojo notices, but says nothing.

"If you're tired you can end your shift early, it's okay." You say as you calm yourself again.

He stares at the floor while he answers, "I'm alright. I don't sleep much either way."

"Ever?" You ask and he shrugs, you look at his features to see any signs of sleep deprivation, but you find none. "That's not very good for you."

"I'm okay, doc, really." He lets out a breathy chuckle. "Thank you."

You're not sure what he's thanking you for, but you close your eyes for a moment, taking in the somewhat quiet space.

"What were you thinking about earlier." His question makes your eyes open and quickly a face of confusion washes over you. "During dinner." He explains.

You remember what he's talking about, "I was thinking about work."

He nods, "Do you miss it?"

"That's two questions, we agreed on one." You laugh.

"Huh?— oh," He lets out a toothy smile, "I guess it is."

Silence washes over the two of you for a while, he began to stare out the window in the small square he didn't cover.

"I miss it a lot." You break the silence, "What about your job?"

He looks back at you again, "I miss it too, who wouldn't miss the world before this." He extends his arms in front of him. "We had issues with some of the older folk at my job, so that I don't miss."

"You're looking for your friends too?" You add.

"That's two questions," he hits you back with what you told him, "but yes, I am, and some other students as well. They're all really gifted." A small smile curves on his lips, you notice they're kind of a cherry pink color. "You looking for any friends or family?"

"I watched most of my friends die, the outbreak was pretty bad at the hospital I work at." You begin, “my family.. I’m not sure, they haven’t come to find me so I just assumed they’re.. well you know.” You finish.

He nods, “I was never close to my family anyway. I hope yours are okay.” He sheepishly smiles.

“I hope your friends and students are okay, too.”

“We’ll find them.” He says determined and gives your hand a soft squeeze.

#gojo satoru x you #satoru gojo x reader #jujutsu gojo #jjk gojo #jjk satoru #jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu satoru #gojo x reader #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #gojo x y/n #jujutsu megumi #jujutsu itadori #jujutsu nobara #gojo satoru x reader

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA: For wanting to take my bike to work when my sister has been borrowing it while i didn't need it?

I (24F) and my sister A (18F) usually see eye to eye on most things and she's one of my best friends. I'm in my last year of medical school and currently have my final exams - theory started on 16th January, practicals get over on the 16th of Feb, so that's a solid month of me dying - so I decided to study with a couple of close friends since group study is pretty much the only way through this exam.

While i've been studying with my friends for a while i moved into their house kind of exclusively on the 1st of Jan and at that point decided that since I was not really driving around on my bike, (we were using my friends bike for when we needed it), i told my mom (59F) that I'll leave my bike home for my sister A. She's been using it since and it's been about a month.

Last night I came home, by cab, to pick up some stuff and this morning I had to leave again to study at my friend's house. I however had a bunch of errands to run ( have to drop off some things at another friend's house, which is slightly out of the way, meet my boyfriend at the hospital where he's working to pick up some more things and then go to the friend's house to study).

So I told my mum "hey I'll need the bike", and she said yeah ok - and today she had to leave early in the morning while I was still asleep so she left.

When I'm all packed ready to go - my sister asks me "Are you taking your bike" and i say "yeah" and she storms off and slams the door and calls me a bitch and I'm at this point a little thrown and as a person I'm very very quick to anger (and I'm WORKING on that) - but I try not to yell back and i ask - "obviously I'm taking my bike it's my bike?" And she says "mom told you to take the OTHER bike" (-the other bike is an ancient little thing that i absolutely hate driving and I don't see any reason to) so I told her that 1. I told mom I needed my bike and 2. it makes no sense that I'll take the shit bike when I have to drive twice as much as A does.

She continues yelling at me from the other room about "oh so if you're a better driver you should take the shit bike" and i didn't fucking get how that had anything to do with this and I told her so (before this month that she's been using my bike, she would use the shit bike no problem - especially since she drives much lesser than i do)

(STILL haven't yelled back at this point btw this has been a whole 5 minutes and that's an improvement bec usually - when you yell at me I yell back)

And when she keeps at it i ALSO snap and yell back that she needs to fix her mood and stop yelling at me bec I can also yell at her + mom told me I can take the bike + even if mom said take the other bike, why would I when (^ above mentioned reasons AKA: 1.it's my bike, 2.i have to drive further you just have to drive to college and back PLUS you're going for a college fest I'm going to STUDY for my final exams AND 3. I have chronic back pain)

The minute I yell back, sorry sue me, she starts off on how I started the fight and i am about to scream bec I didn't start ANYTHING - and when i tell her that I didn't start fucking shit - she screams about "yes you did and you're gaslighting me just go take your fucking bike" and now, i know I could have just taken it but I hated feeling like she's acting magnanimous as if it isn't MY bike that she's returning, which i specially left for her for so long so she could have it a little easier - and I'm super mad at her for throwing around words she doesn't understand fully ((p.s. Instagram reels are a plague - who let 16-18 year olds have access to terms like this when they don't understand them)) and I'm yelling at her that she needs to stop using psychologic terms when she doesn't understand them and she's yelling that just because I'm studying these terms doesn't mean she doesn't know what they mean - and I'm getting so angry because clearly she DOESN'T???

And then to make it a million times worse my aunt (70F) (who is currently being treated for cancer and supposed to go get a blood transfusion in 1 hour), is getting involved and telling us to stop fighting and neither of us is shutting up bec we're so riled up.

My aunt gives me cash to take an uber and I'm a person chronically CRIPPLED with guilt about spending ANY money but i can't even Think about driving the shit bike bec I'm just so tired from exams and associated exhaustion, so I take her up on the offer - and my little fucking sister from the other room goes sarcastically "Aww poor R leaving her bike and spending a billion bucks" and my aunty now (finally) calls her out saying "that's not nice A she's leaving the bike and you will not comment on the money." And A yells at her too and then storms out and takes the shit bike out of anger or rebellion or something - and at this point I've booked the uber and the driver is here at the door so I jsut fucking leave and I'm typing this is the car fucking seething but also questioning if I'm the asshole???

[A point about "my" bike is that I did not buy it, I'm a broke student, my mom bought it when I got into med school and I've used it for almost 5-6 years now, it's mine like that - my sister only started driving like 5-6 months ago.] My bike is in great shape and she will use it as hers once I leave the house to work when my degree (the one I'm CURRENTLY giving my final exams to pass) is done, so in about 3-4 months. We've been strapped for cash since my father passed away 9 years ago, but we'll be a little better off when I start my internship and start earning soon.

Anyway sorry don't yell at me

☀️☀️☀️ to find easily later

She's not usually an asshole i keep telling myself she's just going through being 18 years old and that is just a shitty time but these blowups happening in the middle of my exam week is just SO unfair I'm just. I don't know anymore

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[gray-ace-space]

Kind of a mini rant for a second but I feel like that Chris Flemming "was anyone going to tell me?" meme in kind of a fuckton of ways since becoming more aware of just how much ace is in my grayace self

that most people find sex very actively appealing a very large amount of the time??? Like they're not just kinda neutral about it as a default???

That most of the times I've thought "I have a crush on this person" it's just been aesthetic attraction the whole damn time???? Like thinking "oooh pretty"/"Oh no, they're hot" is not usually where it stops for people 99% of the time???

That I don't have amazing self control regarding avoiding teenage pregnancy/ abstaining from sex because of a medication/ not cheating/ stupid sexual purity shit that I was adjacent to bc yay deep south, like my controller was apparently just never fucking plugged in, like it's pretty damn hard to loose a game you aren't playing

Most people find nudity very very very appealing? Like they don't neutral to negative about it??? Like not because I think anything inherently negative about their body I'm just less interested in it naked?? Is that even an ace thing or am I just weird???

Tbh I'm not even sure how gray of an ace I even am bc of all this, like I think there's some gray area, like I've felt some quick pangs of sexual attraction I think??? idk??? I thought the other parts were pretty standard before now so idk???

Like I'm sorry for semi ranting and I know everyone kinda has to figure themselves out for themselves and labels are there to help not define, but like do you have any advice for any of this?

my guy (gender neutral). you are ace as hell.

hahaha no but let me go through these point by point so we can compare notes.

"most people find sex very actively appealing a very large amount of the time" - is that true??? are we sure that's real??

"most of the times I've thought "I have a crush on this person" it's just been aesthetic attraction" - well i get very strong romantic crushes but. any time i say someone is hot i just mean they look cool and i wanna look at them a bunch. maybe some sensual attraction gets mixed in and i like, wanna touch them as well, non-sexually. so. definitely feel u on that

"I don't have amazing self control regarding..." - YEAH. THAT. YEAH. (i was not really deep in the purity culture stuff but as a young teen i was like. what the hell is wrong with everyone. can't they be normal like me)

"Most people find nudity very very very appealing?" - i honestly quite like nudity in a completely not sexual way, just like a body positivity way. maybe it's cause my mom raised me to not be weird about nudity, it's very chill to me and i think most people are beautiful. but i do not have a connection in my brain between nudity and sexual attraction. i do not care. not once in my life have i looked at someone i liked and thought "oh i would like to see them naked". so, is it an ace thing? probably yes

"I'm not even sure how gray of an ace I even am" - this is probably the one where we most diverge because i do actually feel strong enough sexual attraction that i can't mistake it for anything else. it's just that, i think i'm demisexual. so it's for like. 5 people. ever.

are you gray or not? who the hell knows. maybe ur dark gray ace, maybe i'm light gray ace. but i relate to a lot of what you said! it's fucking wild to unpack this stuff. i do not understand allos at all. i'm glad we can agree on that.

#og post #asks #community #questioning #ace #gray ace #acespec #demi ace #light gray ace #dark gray ace #lgbtq+ #lgbtq #lgbt+ #asexual #graysexual #gray asexual #demisexual #light graysexual #dark graysexual #long post

[wishcamper]

Heavy Lies the Crown: Rhysand, greatness, and the pressures of power

Or: the librarian’s daughter, former playwright, licensed counselor mashup of my nightmares dreams because I am vast, I contain multitudes.

No content warnings and no real HOFAS spoilers, I don't think, other than that he's in it but I feel like you know that by now. Spoilers for Breaking Bad (lol).

---

In working on my current fic (on ao3 here!) I've been thinking a lot about Rhysand and how he really goes off the rails in ACOSF and HOFAS. It's easy to chalk it up to poor writing, but I like the challenge of trying to make it make sense. What are Rhys’ motivations, truly? What would explain the vast array of heinous shit he does the text tells us is justified?

Rhys is shown over and over to be quite Machiavellian ('ends justify the means' dude, who was maybe writing satire). It's easy to list the times he shows this. The 50 year Velaris hostage situation. The bargain UTM with Feyre. The Weaver's cottage. Stealing the Book from Tarquin. CLARE BEDDOR. Infiltrating people's minds. Torture. Assassination. Allying with Kier. Concealing his wife's medical information. Being an ass to people in general. According to Mr. Machiavelli, any action is warranted if it the goal it achieves is morally important enough.

It seems like Rhys can justify anything to himself if he believes it will serve the greatest good at the end of the day. He does so many things with the air of “it’s for your own good” or “you’ll understand why one day” but that day never.. comes? Not yet anyway, which begs the question: is he that unself-aware, or is there a longer game he’s playing that all of these minor skirmishes are leading up to? What if he knows what's coming? And what kind of cause or threat would feel so great he could justify everything he does up to this point?

Okay I'm gonna talk about Aristotelean literary structure, please don't leave me.

The idea of a tragic hero is a character whose downfall is inevitable but who fights against it anyway. Hamlet is a classic example of a tragic hero, Oedipus being the de facto first, Walter White from Breaking Bad a more modern version. We see Walt learn he’s going to die in the first episode, in the middle he does a bunch of stuff to prevent his physical death (cancer) and metaphorical death (failure/obscurity), and then both his body and reputation die in the last episode as a direct result of his attempts to avoid fate. It’s blissful Aristotelean symmetry. *chef’s kiss*

Every tragic hero has hamartia, more commonly known as a ‘fatal flaw’. In Hamlet, his fatal flaw is procrastination, and his delays create space for all kinds of the fuck shit he was trying to prevent. It’s important to note that hamartia is by design a neutral term - not so much a flaw, but a trait, motivation, or decision that sets off the chain of events the character is trying to avoid. Tragedies have occurred equally from too much love as too much hate, and doing nothing is just as much a decision as doing something. The word itself comes from the Greek for ‘to miss the mark’. To try and fail, the backbone of tragedy.

One of the most common hamartia is hubris, a modern synonym for arrogance but which more specifically means an outsized belief in one’s ability to affect and control the future. Well-known tragic heroes taken down by hubris include our boy Walter White, Tony Soprano, Viktor Frankenstein, Achilles, Jay Gatsby, Kendall from Succession. It exists in real life, too: Lance Armstrong is a perfect example of a modern tragic hero brought down by hubris. And what do all these men have in common? Power, via money, fame, strength, the state, intellect, violence etc.

I’ve been enjoying looking at Rhysand through this tragic hero lens because while it doesn’t really make him more sympathetic, it does make his actions easier to understand logically, which is its own kind of humanization. If Rhysand is aware of a prophesied or fated event sometime in the future and is pulling the cosmic strings now, it must be incredibly important, like annihilation-level important, which is so much pressure. 

So he grows to maturity with an understanding that he will one day have to face this intense evil that could completely destroy his world, and it plants in him a hubris. He believes that his immense power grants him a certain amount of influence automatically. And honestly, is he wrong?

And this is where it’s important to think about how power makes people weird. Power gives people a false sense of confidence in their actions and choices, because their status and privilege protect them from so many more consequences. In this way it’s easy to see how someone can get a big ego - no one is stopping me, so I must be doing well! Or: everything is going well for me, so I must be really killing it! I know I feel that way in the first tingles of hypomania, but hypomania is fundamentally a distortion of reality and I believe so is power.

Power not only gives people confidence but also access to make decisions for others. They begin to think they should share the success they’ve found by leading and guiding others to see how great it can be if you do what they say. Just look at one of those cringe 'billionaire morning routine' videos to see what I mean. It’s a very patronizing form of altruism, because the leader genuinely believes they have the people’s interest at heart. And I use the word patronizing intentionally - leaders have often referenced feeling paternal towards their people, Winston Churchill + FDR, 'God the Father'. Power and fatherhood have been linked for a long time. And direct from our girl Wikipedia, "paternalism is action that limits a person's or group's liberty or autonomy and is intended to promote their own good".

I was talking with a girlfriend of mine recently about how I think some men don’t have the experience of other people depending on them in a significant way until they get married and/or become fathers. Like, afab and femme people learn very early to be considerate of others, to think about how others feel, to act in ways that keep others happy, etc. This plants in us a sense of duty to perform in ways that please others, to smile, to create comfort and provide caretaking in every environment we enter. So by the time we get to marriage and motherhood, we already know how to put others’ needs before our own because we’ve been doing it from the jump.

For men, however, this can be a completely novel experience. And it seems like it's SO HEAVY FOR THEM. George ‘Father of his Country’ Washington just wanted to go back to Virginia the whole time he was President. So many men talk about the pressures of being a provider and their families depending on them in a way women don’t, and I think it’s because for the first time others truly depend on them and they don’t know how to handle it.

In response, they either shove down their emotions as patriarchy demands and have a midlife crisis, or they abdicate that responsibility and go completely absent physically and/or emotionally to continue living for themselves. (Obviously there are good men and dads out there, and bless you if you’re lucky enough to know, have, or be one.)

And this aspect of power feels relevant because from the text it seems like Rhysand is unraveling. Between Feyre, the baby, the Trove, Nesta and being threatened by her power, Koschei, Bryce, the whole High King shit - I think he’s starting to crack under the pressure. And honestly, I’m kind of surprised it didn’t happen before now.

According to Aristotle, the tragic hero must:

Be significant (virtuous/capable/powerful/important etc.)

Be flawed

Suffer a reversal of fortune.

Rhysie boy definitely ticks the first two. I wonder what it would look like to get to three? I don’t think Sarah has the balls, but it’s definitely enhanced my reading experience and given me a lot of interesting things to think about.

Okay that's all I've got. Love ya, see ya soon xx

#prythian university #acotar #acosf #rhys critical #sjm critical #tragic hero #lit crit #i love thinking way too deeply about things

[jade4956]

Broken Arm Because of you - Lauren Hemp

It was 1-1 and I needed to put United ahead we had 15 minutes and I had a chance, I was sprinting down the field with the ball at my feet with know one close to me so I thought, I had so much energy because of the fans chanting my name. I was half way through the field until I saw I shadow, who was it I thought, it doesn't matter just keep running I thought, they were making me think if I should pass or if I take an outside shot I started to panic messing up my dribbling, get back on top of it controlling the ball I feel my feet fly up, it feels like I'm 6ft in the air and immediately my arm hits the ground and immediate pain rushes through my arm. My eyes shut who tackled me I thought I was in so much pain all I could here was yelling and then I realised who it was by the apologetic voice

"Piss of Hempo it was unnecessary why the hell would you go in for a tackle like that" Tooney say shoving Hempo of balance but not enough to knock her down

"It was an accident I swear tooney" Lauren said shocked her national teammate is pushing her around

"Yeah right hempo we get you wanna win but you take it to far with the tackles, you know it, shes probably got a broken arm thanks to you" Tooney replied pushing Lauren harshly again

Alessia grab tooney trying to chill her out, whilst Esme was consoling Hempo who you could tell felt incredibly guilty but United players weren't letting her near me.

The ref came over and gave Lauren an immediate Red and United fans were cheering whilst city fans were booing. As all that happened i was in so much pain on the floor my arm was numb but also so sore I couldn't even describe the pain I was in. I don't cry a lot but I couldn't help it. Medics came rushing over as they saw I wasn't getting up. One touched my arm and I practically screamed from the pain. Teammates huddled around until told to go back to the sidelines whilst two stayed back Ona at my ankles holding the so I don't move around to much them and Alessia at my head rubbing the sides

"It's gonna be okay you'll be fine alright" Ona said

"No not everything's gonna be okay my arms probably broken" I barely say through the tears

"Just chill you don't even that yet it's probably a light sprains it most likely the shock" Alessia says looking hopelessly at Ona and the medics

My eyes were shut but I could feel the looks the medics were giving Alessia when she said that "it's not broken".

Hempo POV

"Piss of Hempo it was unnecessary why the hell would you go in for a tackle like that" Tooney say shoving me of balance but not enough to knock me down thankfully

"Tooney chill I swear it was an accident" I say in a panic trying to get to Y/N but there was a bunch of United girls huddling around her

""Yeah right hempo we get you wanna win but you take it to far with the tackles and you know it, shes probably got a broken arm thanks to you" She says pushing me with pure aggression and she probably would have done it again until Alessia pulled her back.

Then something happened that I didn't want to happen the ref came over and an immediate RED card was given, my head went back covering my face I was getting to emotional for this game.

I tried to get to Y/N but Esme turned me around

"Don't bother, talk to her after okay you need to chill you'll get in all you emotions and it will make it worse for the both of you" she said grabbing my arm and walking me of the field with the other teammates.

Y/N POV:

It was my arm that hurt why they made me go on a stretcher was not clear to until I saw my legs were pissing blood. Great another thing to add to the list

1. Broken arm - checked

2. Headache - checked

3. Bleeding legs - checked

I look like I've been in a crime scene after the game finished the girls were going to go to the medical room until they found out I went straight to hospital. Player from each team went home whilst Tooney, Lessi and Ona went straight to the hospital with my stuff the. Ona and lessi were much more chilled out about the situation then Tooney was she was still pissed at Hempo.

Hempo's POV

I felt terrible going home with Esme driving it was silent until she spoke

" I would drive you to the hospital but I wouldn't want Tooney to break you bones so maybe message Lessi when there leaving" she says as we stop at a red light she gives me a Esme Morgan smile

"Okay but what if Y/N doesn't want to see me she's probably pissed at me" I say rethinking my decision to message Alessia

"I think she would be more mad if you didn't talk to her about it at all" Esme said

"Yeah alright that's probably true" I reply with a smile growing in my face

Lessi over Messi 😂😊

Me: Hey Lessi sorry about today but I do want to see Y/N but I don't think Tooney wants to see me to I think it would be best if you could maybe message me when you guys had left or are leaving the hospital but I totally understand if you don't want to talk to me

Lessi over Messi😂😊: hey Hempo there's no need to apologise you didn't do it on purpose and besides Tooney was in a fired up mood before that even happen it just gave her a reason to blow of some steam but yeah for sure I'll message you when we left  also don't stress I'm sure she won't be mad at you where going into her hospital room not 😊

Me: Okay thanks less I appreciate it

Y/N POV:

I was sat on the hospital bed after getting a cast on my arm as well as my legs being fully cleaned up. Gosh how much I hate the hospital, I hate the environment, I hate the bed, I hate the room, I hate the reason I'm here and I hate having to be here. The nurses and doctors were nice and don't get me wrong it was nice serves but I was waiting on a certain person to get here. The doctors just left but the door was reopening so I assumed that it was him again but no a but I light to me depressing end of the day Ona, Alessia and Tooney came in with my game bag

"Hiya Chica" Ona said with a smile trying to light up my dopey mood

"Hi" I reply with a light smile

The girls and I chat for a bit about incident and what I was feeling and what it looked like

"I'm surprised Lauren didn't go over you" Ona say because I don't think she saw what happened between Tooney and Hempo

"Did you not see Tooney and Hempo" Alessia questioned

"No why what happened" she asks looking at Tooney who had a guilty look in her face

"The second she went down she screamed in pain right"

"Right"

"Well I got mad at her because of the slide tackle there were other ways she could have done it and it wouldn't have led to a broken bone"

"Eh hem " I say knowing there is more to the story

"Well I told her to piss of and that it was an unnecessary tackle and I pushed her off her balance a couple of times so what she took it to far" Tooney say realising she took it a little to far

"And I took it to far with the yelling and pushing" she says guilty

"Oh look at that no one had to convince you for once" Alessia said laughing

After around 3 hours of sitting there chatting about other stuff the girls decided they would be best if they go now considering you didn't have to stay at the hospital that night you wanted to get out soon but still had to check for infections in you legs because of some of the deep cuts.

"Omg can we sign your cast" Tooney says with the biggest grin. Oh how I wanted to say no but i felt to mean

"Gosh whatever I don't think I have a say" i reply

Tooney face looked like she was 10 and just met her favourite Celebrity for god sakes. Ona seemed confused but watched what Lessi did and did the same

"Why do I feel like I'm in year 4 and I'm the cool kid with the broken arm"I say laughing

"Because you are just not in year 4" Ona says not understanding the joke which makes us all laugh while she stands there confused.

The girls leave

Alessia quick POV:

Hempo

Me:

Hey Hempo leaving now but you might want to leave now because traffic is really slow and she was walking about wanting to leave by 12am and well it is 11 on the dot so you might get there before she leaves but now I think about it she doesn't have a ride we offered she said no so I think she's waiting on someone 😏 or maybe going to ask someone anyways night

Hempo:

Thankyou Alessia I really do appreciate it.😊❤️

Hempo'S POV

I was walking out the door after yelling to Esme that I'll message her if I bring Y/N back with me or if I go to hers. I was in the car thinking about how I'm going to apologise saying it over an over again until I thought it was perfect. I don't know what Alessia was talking about the traffics fine. I still had around 35 minutes before 12 o'clock I'm just praying she hadn't left yet

I arrived at the hospital and checking at the front desk she still here when the nurse said what floor and room she was in I was so happy because I could finally apologise to her. Walking to the elevator and pressing the button, the doors opened and out walked Y/N she had a united hoodie over her and the sleeve bit was covering her cast just showing the hand part of it. She looked at me whilst walking out of the elevator.

"What are you doing here" she asked like she was surprised I showed up

"Well I wanted to come see you" I replied

"Why didn't you come after the game and not hours and hours later"

"I-i well Tooney was here and I didn't want to start anything again because it would have caused you more stress and well that's why I didn't push back when Tooney was there because I didn't want anything really bad to happen and"

"You where scared of Tooney" she said with a slight smile

"Wha no I I wasn't scared of Tooney" I say tryibn TK hide that I was terrified of her

"Lier you were" she said smiling making me know she's not mad at me

" okay fine maybe a little bit but I feel really bad okay I didn't mean do it to happen I just didn't think about the consequences and i did practically the same tackle on Alessia and nothing happened but I timed it wrong and just did it wrong in general and I should have I should have just got infront of you and done something, I am really sorry" I say with a apologetic look

"I know you are and I mean it was and accident so I'm not mad about it but it just sucks I can't play the last 3 games if the season before break" she says disappointed

" I'm really really really sorry I don't know what I can do to make it up to you but whatever it is done"

"You could take me home"

"Done but give me your bag not that I want to see spotted holding a united bag but it's the least I can do I guess" I say grabbing the bag from her

We walk out to my car and although she said take me to her home she's injured and she doesn't room with anyone at her house so she's coming home with me.

Esme 😊🎹

Me: She said go to her hour but for maybe just tonight I was thinking best for her to stay with us that alright

Esme: yeah no problem I wouldn't of cared if you showed up with her without telling me 😊

We took the opposite turn to Y/Ns house and she immediately notice where we were going I didn't tell her because I didn't want her to think she was intruding but she immediately said that

"Hempo, babe that the wrong turn" she said point to were just was "supposed" to go

"I know I'm taking you too my house" I say not making it a big deal

"Wha why I don't want to" I interrupted her

"Intrude your not, it's fine just checked with Esme that nothing was happening and she doesn't mind"

"Are you positive" she said

"Positive" I say giving her a glimpse

We arrived at the apartment and we made our way to the 5 floor. I got to the door and went through my pockets to not find the keys

"Damit" I say realising I left the keys in my car again the amount of time Esme has gotten annoyed at me for it was uncountable. I knocked on the door

"HEMPO did you leave your keys in the car again" Esme yells from inside

"Uhh it won't happen again i swear es"I say laughing and looking at Y/N

"hello there" Esme say opening the door with a smile

Y/N POV

We chatted and sat on the couch talking about the injury dates and how long I'm out for until Hempo starts to fall asleep on the couch Esme and I lightly laugh at her

"Take a photo es and please send it to me I can't do Jack shit with my left hand" I say laughing.

"Will do" she says taking a picture of Hempo crashed out in the couch

We both end up crashing out on the couch Esme at in end whilst I'm lying with Lauren.

@ EsmeMorgan✔️

Liked by LaurenHemp and 39,274 others

Captions: sleepyhead Hempo's awake but

broken Y/N is still asleep little cuties 😂😊

#woso #england #lauren hemp #lionesses #ona batlle #esme morgan #alessia russo #ella toone #manchester united #manchester city #manchester derby #lauren hemp x reader

[tamelee]

I had stopped being able to read the naruto manga way back near the beginning of shippuden (it was still coming out at the time) due to the store I had access to not bothering to carry the volumes anymore (man am I old 🤣) then different fandoms caught me and years go by so my mind has the sasuke naruto meeting with sasuke draping himself over naruto to threaten him and sakura being competent with healing kankuro and fighting sasori... so I was...confused when I recently fell back into the fandom why sakura would even be with sasuke...as I felt mature medic nine fighter girl would have understood that she'd had a crush and moved on.

Like, Naruto and Sasuke had so much stuff between them I get why they haven't let each other go.

So it seemed weird as hell that sakura would even still "like" sasuke... as her original feelings stemmed from childish "he's so cute and broody" which is okay in a 12 year old girl but less okay as an adult woman...

The naruhina I though, ah, he and hinata must have had many moments in all the parts I've missed, and bonded...oh...she just...endangers herself and confesses to which naruto doesn't react at all...and then their married...

As a shonen manga I figured we wouldn't get a blatant narusasu ending (even though they are the best) ...I'm even a cheery multishipper often for characters I like but...it was so sad. I'd of been happier to have it end with shion just randomly turning up to have naruto keep his baby making promise...

Anywho sorry for blathering on.

I adore your art as well, it's super pretty and I need all the naruto x sasuke content to heal my shipper soul...

Hi @roseunspindle ! Oh gosh!! You couldn’t read past the reunion scene??? I would’ve gone crazy 😭

Yeah, Sakura never matured in that department. Even in the sequel where she’s supposedly married to Sasuke, Ino derisively says she’ll forever stay a girl in love. Like the story had to spell it out for readers. There is this weird vibe between her and Sarada when it comes to Sasuke.. I don’t even know how to describe it but it’s creepy. Even when there is a kid involved somehow and they speak of marriage, Sasuke gives her no reason to love him romantically and it surprises her still that he showed no concern for her life whatsoever. Sasuke, who expresses through action in most cases, is still as indifferent as ever towards her. 

Sakura has moments where she shows some care for characters, mainly driven by her being a medic, but emotionally, it is bizarre how little she cares about Sasuke and yet, at the same time seems to only care about him... if it involves herself. She doesn’t even question why Sasuke does what he does or tries to understand how he feels. Even when she gets fed little snippets of his pain or the source of that, she doesn’t try to find an answer. In the very end she doesn’t even give a shit about his reason to travel or defend his words regarding "redemption". She felt entitled to an apology while she was the one going up to him with the intention to kill him. Even when he tries to explain why he wants to travel, she just cuts off his words because she wants to go with him regardless of his intentions or goals. I get why some people wanted a development for Sakura where she’d be able to let that crush for him go, but story-wise? That would take a lot from Kishimoto because there is also a lot of insecurity involved too.. And frankly, she's very much a red herring :')

Meh, nh... I have nothing to say. 

Well, SNS-fans often say their story is very tragic. But that’s not just how we feel, it IS a fact that Naruto and Sasuke went from receiving a semi-sweet/bitter-sweet (depends on how you look at it as we got a resolve but not a clear resolution yet) in ch 698/699 to a bitter ending in 700 where they suddenly not only didn’t have what they wanted, but certainly not what they needed either. To combat that in the sequel, they shoved all the problems of the world onto a bunch of aliens... distracting everyone from the hypocrisy of the system. Neither Naruto or Sasuke got to work on the thing they wanted and their internal desires were completely massacred for the sake of these kids. And both of them have shown that if they don’t have what they need, they will fail the thing they ultimately want. Meaning, the Shinobi world will forever stay the same while spitting on their dream for the future and the trauma they had to go through because of it. It’s not even about SNS or the story being Shonen... but the concept, which Sasuke talked about at the end that was supposed to be a vehicle for a better world is completely retconned. 

... but I’m happy that besides that, SNS is still widely and largely celebrated regardless. And that says a lot! I’m happy to hear you like my art 🥰💕 that really means a lot, thankyou so much!! (I’m trying to heal myself through them too ;-;!) 

#asktamelee #roseunspindle #naruto talk #anti naruto ending

[insidethebarrier]

The Sweetest Man Ever

In through the nose, out through the mouth.  Whitney thinks to herself as she curls into a ball next to her sleeping husband. This has got to help

Unfortunately, fetal position is no match for excruciating cramps that are invading her lower abdomen. God, I hate this shit. 

Reluctantly, she throws the sheets off of her and gets out of bed to fetch a glass of water. Her pain is so intense that she begins to feel nauseous. She hunches over in the kitchen and barely makes it to the couch with her water. 

She hugs her legs to her chest and begins silently sobbing into her knees. Being a woman fucking sucks. Eventually she lays her head on the cushions.

To her surprise, a giant figure emerges from the darkness after some time. 

"Darling?" Her husband calls out in a raspy voice. "What are you doing?"

Whitney sits up when she sees him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

When Henry gets close enough, he notices that his wife had been crying. "What's wrong?"

"I can't sleep. My cramps are so bad and I've already maxed out on medication for the day," she explains. 

"Oh sweetheart," Henry sits down beside her and rubs her back. "I'm sorry." I hate seeing her like this. I wish I could take her pain away. 

"You don't have to stay up with me baby. I'll come back in a bit." Whitney says. 

Henry kisses the top of her head. "I don't sleep well without you. I'll sleep where you sleep."

Whitney rests her head on his shoulder. He is an angel.  "I love you,"

Henry positions himself upright on the short end of the sectional. Whitney crawls to him and rests her head on his lap. He begins fondling her hair immediately. 

"Why don't you get back on birth control?" Henry asked after a few minutes "It would help regulate things more and decrease your discomfort."

Whitney rubs his thigh. "I can't honey. You know that."

"I just hate seeing you like this, especially when there is something to fix it." He explains running his fingers through her dark locks. 

"I'm having enough trouble getting pregnant as it is. We won't ever have a baby if I go back on it."

Henry is silent for a minute. He curls a piece of her hair around his finger. "You don't know that."

"I do. Johnse women have a hard time conceiving." Whitney begins playing with a loose thread in Henry's pajama pants.

"Your mother didn't. She had 5 kids." 

"My mother isn't a Johnse, baby. My grandmother barely had my dad and my sister is sterile," Whitney turns her face towards him. 

Henry hopes Whitney can't see his glassy eyes in the poorly lit room. "You're right darling. It was a stupid idea. I'm sorry."  How could I have been so insensitive?

The next morning, Whitney wakes up alone in her bed. Henry must have carried me up here last night. She gets out of bed, walks to the bathroom and is instantly reminded of the tremendous pain she was in last night. 

She reaches under the counter in search of a tampon and she picks up the bottle of Mitol to learn that it was empty. You've got to be fucking kidding me. 

She turns and heads to the medicine cabinet looking for Alieve to use as a substitute, but it looks like Henry took the last of it a few days ago. 

This enrages Whitney. Not because Henry took the last of the pills, but because she had to run to the store unmedicated to buy more. She angrily gets dressed and throws a ball cap on her head instead of brushing her hair then trudges down the stairs. 

Just as she reaches the bottom of the staircase, Henry opens the front door and comes in with a bunch of stuff in his hands. 

"Good morning," Henry says when he notices her. "I was hoping to set all this up before you woke up."

"Set what up?" Whitney asks curiously. It was then that she noticed what her husband was carrying.

Henry sets down everything he was holding and shows it to her one by one. 

"I got you flowers," He says handing them to her "Wild ones, your favorite. And chocolate, to make you feel better. And drum roll please," Henry pulls out 2 pints of frozen deliciousness. "Ice cream. Strawberry and  chocolate,"

Whitney smiles as she smells the flowers. They remind her of her childhood.

"I noticed you were out of your medicine so I bought you more," he pulls out a bottle of Mitol "I also got some Alieve because I finished those off the other day."

Whitney doesn't know what to do with herself. She hugs Henry before he can get another word out. "Thank you," Is all she says.

Henry kisses the top of her head. "I've got one more thing. I know how much you love cold pizza in the morning so," He shows her a box of pizza. She squeals. "It's not cold yet. I haven't had time to put it in the fridge-"

Whitney jumps on top of him and covers him in kisses. "You are the sweetest man in the world. I think I just might have to keep you forever."

"I might just like that," Henry says softly.

#henry cavill #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill x female ofc #henry cavill x ofc

[ghost-of-a-system]

Asking about fronting / awareness / existing in Innerworld, how you percieve that, how others might if they see this, idk. (not dx, questioning at "ok there is apparently *something* idk how to comprehend it, so my perception / understanding / the concepts i'm fitting these experiences into might be wrong. but it is not nothing. and dissociation and trauma is medically dx sooo." but like i don't want to fakeclaim.) I see systems / alters talking about being in the headspace, living there, interacting, like they have their own consciousness, going to sleep there or doing activities. And I'm like - how - howwwww how are you that real and separate and alive For me it is more like there's the front room with a big control / signal board and whoever is at these controls is the current I. there's like that omniscient consciousness that is just linked to that front room. and i (?) sometimes see pictures of it or of other Alters, i hear their voices, sometimes we can interact. but conscious I = whoever is at the controls more or less. there'll be intrusions and fragments from elsewhere / others that i might be able to identify as "probably from xy" but not a real other I that exists and is able to think and have its own consciousness??? I think? So how do you do that shift from a collective consciousness to being separate? and like being real and thoughts and feelings and actions *existing* when they arent perceived through that front? Is this even how systems work / would I be a system if it's like that? is this collective PoV just actually all 1 personality that is changing wildly and only the intrusions are a different thing from that? is it all just me and I need to get my shit together and stop imagining stuff? i'm so confused by all this (reminder i'm as far as "there is something complex dissociative going on i guess??" - and that after said brain threatened revolution and unaliving us if we didn't stop denying their existence which uh pretty hard to argue with) honestly i'm amazed i can even type this without getting a strike i think this is the first time i've ever used we this much in a public space and was even thinking about signing off - midi / keeper / plus whoever the mini was in the middle there. also a bunch of others maybe somewhere around too, basically almost everyone who was distinct enough to get a name i guess somehow. but mainly those. ...a bit of time has passed and uh wtf howww what did you do brain?! and i feel obligated to add that this is all just in my head and i might as well have imagined / been crazy like I don't wanna appropriate anything ...more time has passed and I added this & cut out like 4000 words of further rambling: Idk I really hope this makes sense, if not please ask and I'll try to explain further! Also hope this was okay to ask, I really was trying to be respectful and stuff, you don't have to answer!

I feel that what you are describing could very well be perceived as a system one. Of course, the disclaimer... we are no professionals. But, if I am understanding this properly, we relate to feeling as though we are one consciousness, almost... cycling through different identities rather than (metaphorically) individual consciousnesses taking turns with control. At the end of the day, we are all one brain, I suppose! If you are a system, the most I could chalk this up to is simply being a matter of how your individual system functions. It isn't always the same down to the little details as someone else's, and it is all about what your brain needs.

We cannot answer on behalf of systems with complex headspaces, or inner-worlds, in which their alters can manifest and experience fleshed-out lives. We have no inner-world, and have never been able to experience this (Despite attempts). But, I do not believe that the presence of this is required for alters to be considered "more separate", or distinct. We have fairly distinct alters despite having no inner-world, no fronting room, and nothing of the sort. What makes us so distinct is who we are when we are here. But that is just our experience.

We are no inner-world professionals; we hardly understand the ability to visualize in itself! Having aphantasia, and all. It may be better to ask a system who is more experienced with these things. But I will try. You mention wondering how to shift this one consciousness into being more separated, and I'm afraid I do not know if this is possible or something that someone can achieve. Perhaps we are uninformed, in which case I do hope that someone corrects us. I do recall reading about how inner-worlds can be constructed and expanded, if that was something you feel you are interested in, or something you feel could help. After all, inner worlds are visualization tools to help with communication, at the basics. I believe that this is generally achieved through therapy, though I'm sure it isn't required. You can probably try to look more into that online and see if anything helps.

This is the most I feel comfortable suggesting. I do not want to speak too much for something we do not experience.

Feel free to reach out if we misunderstood or should expand upon anything.

Best wishes, Yellowfang

#ghost of a sys asks

[dimancheetoile]

uh, hi.

maybe you're seeing this on your dash and thinking "hum, this username is kinda familiar". maybe you do remember me, in which case, again, hi.

i've been gone for an entire year. it hasn't been a great one. for those who read my posts before, you might already know this, but for everyone else, I was born with a rare genetic condition. on top of that, i had a very serious accident at 13 that more or less destroyed my right leg. i haven't been able to walk right since then, and it hasn't been helped by the following years of botched surgeries, complications from the operation, misdiagnosis and medical malpractice. i'm left with a barely functional leg that has a permanently torn set of ligaments, collapsed nerves and debilitating, constant, torturous chronic pain.

then i had a weird relapse of sorts. a bucketful of symptoms. hives and flushing, limbs and joints swelling, rashes, trouble breathing, sudden drops in blood pressure, heart rate above 100 at rest, stomach cramps, nausea, headaches, migraines, chronic fatigue, confusion, memory loss, dizziness and loss of consciousness. it's called MCAS.

i can't describe to you what it's like to never be well. to never wake up in a body that feels right, even just ok. to always have something going wrong, something painful, something that doesn't work right.

i'm hooked up to an oxygen machine twice a day. i wear a compression garment that goes from my ankles up to the tips of my fingers. i have to do two self-injections every month. i live with additional compressive equipment for both my knees, both my ankles, both my wrists, an elbow. i have a machine with electrodes i can put on painful areas to electrocute them and sometimes, it helps with the pain. i have to use pain-relief plasters and poultices a couple times a day.

i have premature arthritis. the arthritis in my back ate all the cartilage of my last three vertebrae (the ones above your tailbones, your lower back) so i'm like a car with no suspensions. my vertebrae are rubbing against each other with nothing in between to protect them, my discs are crushed, i have severe sciatica. chronic light sensitive migraines.

my joints don't hold. since january, I dislocated my left knee leading to a synovium effusion (big pocket of the lube in your joint that gathers and forms a ball and it pushes on your nerves, ligaments, tendons and tissue); i sprained my left ankle and it tore my external ligament and heel ligament. i dislocated a bunch of my fingers multiple times.

oh, i also got diagnosed with endometriosis and PCOS.

i live bedridden now. i have an entire grocery bag of medication sitting by my bed so i can reach it easily. opioids, neuropathic pain medication, anti-inflammatory medication, a medication that completely stops my period.

and that's without mentioning the hours and hours of hospital visits, specialists, family doctors, physical therapists, etc.

i'm gonna be honest. same time last year, i was having a hard time. i had turned 25 in january and moved into my first apartment since uni. it's in the same village as my mom which is the only reason i could live independently. so i was just 25 and all the MCAS stuff was happening on top of everything else and i had this realisation that this was what the rest of my life would look like, but worse, because my disease is degenerative. it gets worse as you age.

so i was just 25 and i realised i had the next 50 to suffer through this and more, and suddenly i didn't want to be here anymore. there was no ideation, it was more a complete break down of my hopes for the future. what was my future going to look like in this cursed body?

anyway, i collapsed under the mental pressure, my health continued to worsen. what i used to be able to do was no so much harder, and sometimes impossible. i was a 25-year-old in a prison of their own flesh. i couldn't deal with the rest of the world, so i cut myself off from it.

i'm doing better now, mentally. physically, it's only gotten worse. as i write this, i'm reaching for my pain meds because everything below my right knee is screaming in agony and i have a splitting headache. this is a good day for me.

thank you, if you've read this far. thank you, if you thought about me even once in the past year. i'm not asking for anything, except maybe to talk with you if you have a similar story. i feel so alone in this hell, it'd be nice to talk to someone.

i love you all.

-mako

#mako talks #disability #invisible disability #chronic pain #chronically ill

[charbies]

been having a tough time.. stuff about it under the cut

writing a stream of consciousness about the past few months. I've been really depressed. I kept getting burned out from my job almost monthly, but could bounce back when I took a little time off. Then midway through the summer, it's like I just got stuck and couldn't get.. unstuck. by fall I had a full blown depressive episode; in september I could admit I was depressed, in october I went on medication for it, and by the time november came around it felt like there was no end in sight. Fall is my favorite time of year, and I felt like I was in a fugue state and missed it because I barely existed.

the ways this showed up in my body are unlike anything I ever experienced in my life before and that was terrifying. my head and body ached like I was coming home from war every day. I was falling asleep at the wheel, and it was a recurring pattern; my body was shutting itself off when the thought of what I'd have to deal with at work was becoming too much. I burst into tears whenever I saw my friends post pics hanging out and wished I could live closer and see them more. I felt so overwhelmed and empty, I needed everything to stop and I wanted to disappear.

my job is fucking hard. I try not to talk about it on here, but I work with people who are hurting and traumatized. I regularly have to tell them when I believe the choices they're making are going to wind up killing them. I have to tell them the last things they want to hear and still hope they trust me. The average burnout rate at my job is 2 years, I've been there for 16 months. I'm 24 and the youngest one there by a long shot. I know I'm good at what I do, but still feel way in over my head, I feel like I don't get to be my age. I've thought about quitting but I don't think I have it in me to leave and start over somewhere new just yet, not now. I feel trapped because as hard as the work is, I get way better amenities there than at most other places; this place is basically as good as it gets where I live and it's still killing me.

even tho I know how severe things were getting, I feel so guilty for ways I fell off the face of the earth. I stopped talking to friends, family, coworkers, pretty much everyone. I bailed on linktober and a bunch of other art projects I lined up and thought I had the energy to pull off. In general I just feel like a failure even though I know that isn't true.

I broke down hard and took a leave of absence, I get a few weeks off from my job. I've been off for 10 days and as badly as I've wanted to draw the idea also makes me want to jump out of my skin. So I'm taking time and hoping it comes back while I pull myself together.

I could use some advice or wisdom from anyone who has been through this in any capacity. Even silly stuff in my inbox would make my day. Tumblr was my comfort place when I was a kid and I think it will do me good to be able to look back on this post after I've worked through this and I'm doing better. Thanks for reading all of this if you did, it means a lot <3

#brb crying into my cat #tw depression #tw suicide #tw vent

[cant-get-no-worse]

So, I'm a relatively new FCB fan and I've been doing some research about why the club had a downfall. What I understood was that everything went to shit since Neymar left. Plus he didn't even have any legit reason to leave apart from more money being offered by PSG. People say he left because he was in "Messi's shadow" but that's not true. All I saw was love and appreciation for him by the fans and his fellow players. Especially Messi. He treated him with so much love and respect. Even now, after going through so much shit at PSG, Neymar doesn't seem to want to leave that club. In my opinion, he is one reason why Barcelona went downhill. The club spent so much money on his replacements which all ended in failure. I think if he hadn't left at that time, Barcelona would be in a relatively better place right now. Maybe I'm wrong but that's what I interpreted. Please correct me if I'm getting it wrong or if I missed some important thing amidst all of this. I have nothing against Neymar, he's a wonderful player, but I can't help but put a little blame on him.

Hii ! I love ranting about this stuff, so warning: long ass ramble, I'm putting it beneath.

I think it's fairly common for people to assume Neymar's departure in 2017 was the thing that started FCB "downfall" (which is a pretty dramatic term in of itself), because it's such a public move that made everyone talk. It's a transfer whose consequences on the market value of players and the way we appreciate those is still underappreciated; genuinely, that Neymar saga is mad, it changed everything (to me, for the worse). But the decline of FCB, the institution, began way earlier than 2017. 2017 is kind of, the first most visible consequence of every prior stuff.

Everything was a mess by 2006/2008, for the team & institutionally wise. It got better from 2008 - 2012, under Pep Guardiola (coach) & Laporta/Rosell (presidents, although both not v good men) & which is now commonly referred to as the "golden age" of FCB's recent History. Then, from 2012 on, everything kind of started to decline. It's not very visible since we won the treble in 2014-2015 (KING SHIT VISCA BARÇA VISCA CATALUNYA etc. etc.) , but already behind the scenes it was rocky as hell. Political stuff, power struggles within the board, etc. Even that 2014-2015 "golden" season was a mess, what with the breach of the Transfer Regulations (we couldn't sign players until 2016), firing of our sporting director, firing of medical/staff members, lies about state of finances, restriction of said finances, Messi/Enrique/Chelsea conflict, etc. That 2014-2015 team winning the Treble effectively masked to posterity & the general public how fucked up the club's politics were at that time. But on the long run, that bad gestion did end up affecting that team that arguably should've gone on to win way more in 2016 - 2017, what with the bunch of talents we had in hands.

Then there was the Neymar stuff in 2017, Iniesta leaving in 2018. Of course, by then the mess that was the cub began to reflect on our style of play; by 2017/2018 already we weren't playing as good as we had. There were moments of brilliance of course, games to remember, iconic ones, but still. It was already falling, there were ovious issues, weaknesses, boring times, some alarming performances. I think that 2018-2019 UCL campaign symbolizes everything that had changed since that 2015 UCL ; we didn't have a team, we had one guy, surrounded by too unstable performances from players around. As football proves times and times again, you can have the current best player in the world, if he's alone, you'll never win shit. You'll win games, not competitions. That's the beauty of the sport, you need a team, or you'll go nowhere. Ultimately that "downfall" confirmed itself by more harsh and evident results, with the 2019-2022 period being rock bottom. Jesus Christ that period.

As for that Neymar stuff: it's so real complicated. And not as black/white as it appears. As a FCB supporter, when he left, I despised his guts for a bunch of years, genuinely. Many still do, just look at the comments under the rumors of his comeback; large portion of culers don't want him there, because we really saw it as a treason. A guy who left for money and some more fame. I guess you can say the fact that most culers still haven't swallowed that pill six years later is a testament to how much we loved him.

First, let me state that it's fucking tragic, for him as for the club. He left at his prime and, arguably, wasted it at PSG (tell anyone from 2015 that Neymar Jr doesn't have a single Ballon d'Or to his name and they'll rightfully laugh at your face) ; while Barca drowned as well, failing to find a proper replacement (FCB players were upset with the board at that failure), as you said. Had he stayed, as Pep said, and had the club managed itself better (but that in itself prompts the argument of: could they really? After all the decline started in 2014?) we could've won at least one, if not two UCLs. Honestly, now that we can take a few steps back and reflect, it seems none of the parties (except PSG, who propelled itself forward on the European scene) benefited from that move. But in truth, there can be a million reasons he left. We don't know if it was a personnal initiative or one of his family. We don't know how the Remontada and the aftermath really affected this decision. We don't know if he's the one that wanted to step out of « Messi's shadow » or if his father/agent pushed him to. We don't know if it's because Barcelona rendered public some elements of his contract, effectively breaking the trust his side had towards the club. This mess is a mix of money, ego, power, ambition, personnal relationships, psychological stuff in the brain of a 25 years old and his surroundings, Barcelona being Messi's club (whether you want it or not, it has been true since 2009. Barcelona and Messi were (still remain) synonymous, and that in itself paused a problem later on), PR/image manipulation/communication, and background stuff we'll probably never know of/or much later. The guy even pushed to comeback to Barcelona a mere year or two later. The whole Messi part is a theater play in of itself, between a starstruck kid who went on to play with his idol, who became friends and formed the most successfull Trident of the decade with him, who upon each occasion praises him and rambles about their friendship/love for each other, yet leaves. I mean, the guy reportedly told others he was leaving the club on Messi's wedding, without telling Leo - if that doesn't indicates you how fucked up/messy it was in his own head, Jesus. And yet the friendship Neymar had with other FCB players showed through the very summer he left, what with them posting a pic together following the legal actions of FCB against him. So yeah.

I think part of why he stayed at PSG after they retained him from going back to Barcelona is because he's, like every great player, a winner, he wants to get everything, he genuinely wants to give Paris what he came to do, but also cause, in the long run, he's trapped himself there. The more time passed the more it became that kind of need: he wanted/needed his move to mean something, he wanted that UCL so he could feel like he didn't waste so much time and talent and prime there. All in all, it's a bit tragic, I could ramble about it for hours but I'm gonna cut it short now cause that's not your ask lmfao.

Conclusion to the essay: Neymar's transfer to PSG didn't start anything, rather was the consequence and the accelerator of a decline that began years prior in the institution's background. Hope it helped bring some elements to the table, anon! ❤️

#fc barcelona #neymar #ciene blabbers about #anon ask

[hollowhearts-and-espresso]

just little solangelo thoughts

im just chilling going through the solangelo tag so heres some lil thoughts that have been provoked from such activities

-parallel between percy and annabeth standing/sitting back to back in tartarus when they finally can rest bc they have each others backs to nico and will in tsats fighting back to back bc they've both been stabbed in the back enough already

-nico is a literal fucking sewer rat kind of (in the most loving way ofc) but also hes not he literally glows with alt and gothic beauty and has a beautiful accent and an amazing smile and smooth, milky skin and will (who is kind of a beautifully groomed golden retriever) is actually a fucking dumpster dog who jumped out at him when nico was hiding in the alley and hasnt left his side since

-will watched nico let an anemic fucking loser launch himself into the atmosphere and immediately and immensely fell in love and nico took one look at the hand that still has amniotic sac fluid on it holding his and thought 'holy shit i wanna kiss him'

-apollo literally saying 'i dont care if my son has a boyfriend. i've had a lot. and compared to some of mine, holy SHIT could will be doing worse' and i think thats great

-nico and will are not achilles and patroclus they are apollo and hycanth and apollo literally mentioned the similarities he saw in the relationships and im POSITIVE hades sees it too and is so so scared for his son because he saw what losing someone he loved that much did to apollo

-even tho they're not quite achilles and patroclus their love and wrath for the otehrs death would still be enough to shake the gods and im fully convinced zues sat hades down one day and was like 'listen dude you gotta protect the little blonde kid. i dont wanna go through that again' and hades was like 'lol pussy. gotchu tho'

-william andrew solace who is the LITERAL son of sunshine and has magic glow powers and is the best medic the camp has had in years would and probably has poke an infected creature of unidentified species and decide that it’s probably maybe not poisonous and bring it to his bf because why not

-also he definitely has/will have full sleeves of tattoos on both arms and a bunch on his legs and back and they will have absolutely no specific meaning or reason or order (other than the star on his shoulderblade for his first and only love and the sun on his chest for himself)

-nico would get a lot of tattoos but they’d all mean something to him (things bianca used to like, the groups initials, etc)

-william andrew solace was born and raised in fuckin texas with his single rocker mama (who was ALSO born and raised in texas) and is an overworked med student and has gone through all that shit he’s been through by 15. that bitch is a fucking DICK. he will cut you for touching his stuff and if you’re a dick he will absolutely NOT treat you (‘i havent sworn under oath yet as a doctor, chiron’) and he has absolutely pulled a gun on someone back home for the dumbest shit

-nico is a fucking softie don’t lie. he spends one third of his time crying, the other third waxing poetic about his boyfriend will doing normal day shit, and the last third convincing his dickhead sunshine boyfriend to treat the guy with poison ivy because ‘he called me weird, will, that’s not even that insulting’

-kayla and austin have definitely thrown them in the lake. multiple times. it’s a past time at this point. leo has helped on a few occasions and lester did once only to be fucking decked by his son in law for messing up the snack he made for will while will lost his shit laughing in the back

#will solace #nico di angelo #the sun and the star #pjo hoo toa tsats #tsats #hoo #rick riordan

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

personal rant (tw chronic pain, chronic illness)

i don't normally post stuff like this on here at all because i love keeping this space here just for fun fandom stuff, but today has just been so unbelievably shit and i feel like i just need to scream into the void about it for a moment to try and process.

basically, me and my sister had vip tickets to meet and see this band today who's incredibly special to us. they were a total lifeline for us when we were growing up, but we never got the chance to see them live. in august when we finally got these tickets over ten years after we both started listening to them, we were both over the MOON. it was such a special moment for us, but also felt like such a milestone because both of us have been through so much since we were those kids sitting in my room finding so much solace in this band's music together. it felt like such a significant thing to be going to see them all these years later, having overcome so much and both of us being in places now that we never thought we could get to.

anyway, fast track to today and i woke up in excruciating pain. some of you might know that i have some issues with various chronic illnesses/pain already, and one of the conditions i have is endometriosis. for anyone who doesn't know, it's an incurable condition where tissue similar to the lining of the womb grows outside the womb and causes chronic pelvic pain, fatigue, and a whole bunch of other fun symptoms. but it's biggest symptom, for me anyway, is the WORST period pain you can imagine. like, no medications can touch it, passed out on the floor for hours, screaming in agony kind of pain. i've lived with it for over half my life now and yes, obviously it affects me - but also i've got pretty good at learning how to manage it, and i have it down to like. a day or two per month where i'm incapacitated by pain rather than half the days. some months i don't get days like that at all now. i wouldn't say i feel good - a lot of the time i'm in pain and on painkillers/carrying around a hot water bottle with me when i'm at home etc - but i'm like. mostly functional. it hurts, but when it does, usually these days i can push through it when i really need to (even if that makes it worse later).

but today? today of all days, i woke up with the most excruciating pain i've had probably all year. i couldn't see or move enough to reach out to my bedside table and take my painkillers, let alone think of getting on a train and going to a gig. it's been over twelve hours and i'm only now able to sit up enough to watch stuff on my laptop for comfort and type this out (and i'm still in a lot of pain). of course my sister had to go to the gig without me, because there was just no way i could physically move to get there. and i'm just feeling so shit because although of course she was lovely about it, she was so nervous about going by herself and also really sad we couldn't go together, and i feel so much like i've let her down and that my body hasn't just ruined this incredibly special thing for me but also for her.

i generally try not to dwell on the stuff i can't do because i've learnt that it's NOT helpful, and it doesn't change anything anyway. i'm used to missing things i want to go to and not being able to see friends sometimes, working and having no energy left to do anything but sleep at the weekends. and most of the time it's okay, i've kind of made my peace with it. but on days like today i just feel so sad about it, all the things i don't get to do - especially things like this which are such special, once in a lifetime kind of opportunities. i know i shouldn't really complain because on the whole i've been really lucky with the things i've got to do despite my condition - i think this is the first time in a good five years or so that it's caused me to miss going to something really big like this, and i've got to go and see so many wonderful bands over that time. but this one... they're just such a special one to me and to my sister, and it feels like such a loss. and it just brings home how much this condition really does affect me - i've got pretty good at downplaying it over the years, but it's days like today where i'm like, no actually. this is awful and there's nothing i can do about it. which is a really scary kind of position to be in.

i don't even really know what the purpose of this post was other than to just let some of that out. normally i'd speak to my sister about it because she understands it the most, but i didn't want to let her see how upset i was about not being able to go because i still wanted her to have the best time possible and not be worrying about me. anway yeah, sorry to anyone who's read all the way through this, i know it's long and rambly and super negative. usually i'm able to take this kind of thing in my stride, but today it just really got me and i just feel so sad and defeated. i know in a few days it won't loom so big, and there are other wonderful things on the horizon that i'll get to do - but yeah. for today, i think i just need to let myself feel sad.

#i am at least finally feeling physically a little better this evening #i have been comfort watching some of my favourite shows and i have my trusty hot water bottle #so i'll be okay #and shouting all that out into the void helped a little too #i'm going to get up and make some hot chocolate when my next lot of painkillers kick in and watch the new doctor who #anyway i'll stop rambling now #thanks to anyone who read and listened 💗 #i feel like not everyone gets how important bands can be to someone #but i know you all understand that here 💜 #chronic illness #chronic pain #endometriosis #lulu posts

[ener-chi]

Feeling pushed to make a life update so here we go! TL;DR my Path, and fun school stuff - Taiji, Tuina, etc.

Hmm where to start. This program has changed me so much. Due to everything I have to deal with and go through, I feel like all of my unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors came to the surface and ended up being changed into something different and healthier. I mean, they kind of had to be - otherwise I wouldn't be able to handle the program.

But... this is kind of what I've been working on lately, and is pretty recent. I've realized that... I have been running. From myself, and also my Path.

I was running from my Trauma, but also parts of myself that I didn't like. But also... I was running from my Spiritual Path. My Path started to change about 2 years ago. It began to get... bigger, broader scope, more responsibility... I realized recently that I got scared, because I knew that following it would result in me changing big time, and I don't think I was ready for that at that time.

But. You can't run forever lol. I've been doing a lot of work, and I think I am finally ready to accept my Path and get back into my Practice. I've been getting a bunch of upgrades, been working with Reiki ALOT. Also... my gifts have been coming back (I've been kind of suppressing them) and that's been super interesting. I feel like I have soo much to learn, and I get to relearn how to do things, too.

In other news - cool school stuff!!

First, Taiji. The teacher I have is INCREDIBLE. He's an older Chinese man, and he is legitimately like a master you would see in movies. I have learned a form of Taiji before, but what he teaches is WILD.

Like we haventeven learned any form or anything - all we've really been doing is learning how to stand properly in two different stances and shift our weight around. But the Qi fucking MOVES. Sooo much. Like during it my whole body shakes as it's releasing blockages, and throughout the week I like have had a ton of emotional stuff come up. I definitely think that it's been contributing to the change I've been going through, for sure.

I mean we get energy blockages in our channels, and we can have big emotions and stress stored there or in our muscles. When you break up those blockages, those things get released. It's very cool to see it happen in myself.

HmmMMM I've been learning some Tuina - which translates to basically Chinese Medical Massage. It's a massage modality, but it serves a medical purpose, and can be used to treat most things, even like cold or flu. BUT where it excels is in orthopedic problems and pain.

Like our teacher - who is incredible, btw, and got his degree in China, and was the first person to have a doctor's degree in TCM in the USA - he has been showing us so many stories and case studies of people that have had near debilitating pain for years, sometimes 10 or 20, and no surgery or anything can make it better, but after about 10 sessions of Tuina, they walk away pain-free.

Absolutely mind-bending stuff. I honestly genuinely am going to recommend anyone in my life to try Tuina before considering getting big orthopedic surgeries. It's crazy.

Hmm what else. I mean I have just been learning so much stuff lol. Like Chinese Medicine can help accelerate the growth and healing of bones after a break, and can also help treat it even years after it happened. Or like how most heart attacks take place around noon and in the summer, and why that is. Just so much cool stuff!

Anywho. That's probably it for now. Gotta rest up and get back to my studies 😵

Hope everyone has a good day!

Blessings!

#mine #journal #11.14.23 #about me #path #practice