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#i'll get stuck in a spiral and i Have to Keep Reading. so i check their shit manually when i can handle it.
six-of-cringe · 1 year
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tumblr is to moral ocd what tiktok is to adhd and post
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msmargaretmurry · 4 months
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For writing ask game, 18, 19, 24!
sorry for the delay, i got home yesterday and was just too tired too think 😭❤ but ok! doing these backwards so i can put the writing commentary under a cut:
24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?
i don't do a lot of prep work in terms of outlining or anything — but i do a fair amount of prep work in terms of pondering and research. does pondering count as prep work? 😂 idk i'm counting it. just ruminating on a concept until it feels story-shaped in my head. i can't write it until it feels story-shaped! and then i'll do a lot of my research as i go, but if i need to know something for the overall story structure i do that research us front — for example if a fic is set over the course of a season i'll go look up the notable games and events so i can plan for story beats to hit in the right places.
answered 19 here!
18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.
choosing a passage was so hard!! but okay let's talk about this bit from the first chapter of haw:
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so there are a few things going on here, writing-wise! i can't remember exactly when in my pondering i decided i was going to send them both to boots, but i knew that i wanted to get them alone together somewhere very away from hockey, and boots wound up being that place. this convenient run-in is the thing that's really going to set the stage for their relationship going forward, so i wanted to a) establish that they do have chemistry, even if they get off on kind of a fucked-up foot, and b) matthew kind of would like to know leon better, even though he's convinced leon hates him.
matthew's in such a shitty place mentally during this scene. he's so prickly and punchy, and it colors the entire interaction, and i think this scene is one of the first scenes where his tight and unreliable pov significantly warps the perception of what's actually happening. he's so sure leon doesn't like him at all, and so he reads all of leon's bluntness and sarcasm as dislike when really it's mostly just, you know. bluntness and sarcasm. so writing this scene was one of the first real challenges in the fic of knowing what's going on in leon's head while still writing from matthew's pov in a way that doesn't get what's going on in there at all. because matthew's correct that leon's not in a great mood when they encounter each other but he has no idea that leon a) has thought about hooking up with him ever, at all, and b) has been kind of stuck on their weird interaction in the locker room for days now (i can hear miriam now hollering at me from germany to just write the whole scene from leon's pov 😂❤)
the boots scenes in general were fun to write because i loved building the sense of atmosphere. there's not a ton of it in this snippet, but in general making boots feel like a very distinct place, a world apart from real life, was something i was definitely striving for during this stretch of the fic.
anyway, i love the long paragraph that's mostly the inside of matthew's head while they stand in line for beers. i just think it's a fun paragraph, prose-wise, and i just kind of love a paragraph that just kind of tumbles out and keeps going. i feel like some people are a little afraid of writing long paragraphs and i am here to say: don't be, they're fun. particularly with this one it was important for me getting a grasp on the way matthew's thoughts tend to sprawl and spiral and, i think, good for setting the tone for how the inside of his head is gonna work for this whole story.
(and like, that part that's like, "not quite a glare, almost a sizing up" — he's checking you out, matthew, you idiot. get it TOGETHER.)
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ivory-sunflower · 3 years
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Arty Art Things ✨
Hellooo!
I've decided to post some of the arty things I've done either recently or in the last few years, well the pieces I'm somewhat proud of at least. All my posts tend to be a lot more wordy than they need to be but hey it's what I do here!
Conchúr White
Anyone one who's been on this blog for a bit will have probably have seen me talk about this lovely Irish fella. The pencil drawing is actually a year old as of yesterday, I only know that because screenshots of me flipping out about Conchúr following me on twitter popped up in my memories yesterday. I think I'd sent it to him at about 3 in the morning (I was not in a good head space at that point in time), so probably not what he was expecting to see when he opened his phone in the morning aha
The biro version is much more recent: I got bored while sat at my desk and doing research about university courses, saw a biro, saw my old drawing of Conchúr, had an idea. I revisited my GCSE art techniques and here we are. Again, I put this up on Twitter and now (at the the time I'm writing this) when you google "Conchúr White" it's the third top image of him which is a bit mad really. I think I spent all of about 20 minutes on Conchúr but another 45 minutes on the words behind him. The words are the names of the songs on his EP 'Bikini Crops', he doesn't just really love the idea of Channing Tatum driving him around at night in a daisy print bikini... Well maybe he does but what he does in his spare time is none of my business...
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TechDif
So I mentioned that the pencil drawing of Conchúr came from a rough patch in my mental health and this one is no different! In fact this one came from an even worse circumstance so we love to see it. I had a bad, bad time in July and this started as a way of distracting myself from what was going on in my head. Without it, I can't honestly say I'd still be here so even if the final product of this had been a terrible mess I would still love it for keeping me alive. However, it did not turn out to be a terrible mess!
Now that the origin of this is out the way, where do I start with TechDif? Unlike Conchúr, I haven't really talked about them on here (unless you count one brief post about Citation Needed) before so I guess I'll do it here. The Technical Difficulties are a wonderful group of 4 British fellas who have had their fair share of fun online and even before. They did a radio show at university together, which went on to become their Reverse Trivia Podcast, later moving on to a panel show called 'Citation Needed': and a game called 'Two of These People Are Lying'. All of which I would thoroughly reccomend, they're one of my go to things when I'm having a rough time. All 4 of them are excellent! Tom Scott (red top, blue jeans on the picture) has his own YouTube channel which does content aside from TechDif. If you're quite nerdy and like science, linguistics, computers, or any number of other things you may enjoy Tom's channel. He is probably best described as "The Moderator" of the group, much like a tired teacher he tries desperately to keep everyone on track with what they're meant to be doing, but usually it does not end well for him. Then we have Matt Gray (space top, holding an ice cream) who also has a channel away from TechDif stuff, he does techy electronic things and has a series called 'Will it Soft Serve?' where he puts all kinds of strange things through a soft serve machine. Matt brings a very specific energy to TechDif and I can't fully describe what that vibe is but I love it. Matt and Tom also share a YouTube channel where TOTPAL is posted and they had a series called 'The Park Bench'. Moving on to everybody's favourite Gary Brannan: Gary Brannan (SATIRE hoodie, glasses) and can I just say, what a fella he is! He's just excellent! He is the one that will argue and rip into Tom the most (not in a malicious way) and hilarity ensues. There are some episodes where he is absolutely on it, getting all the points and others where he very clearly has no idea and that's where some of his funniest quotes come from. Given how badly I was doing at the time I made this, his response to it on Twitter was so so lovely. I specifically remember one tweet where he said I'd made him happy and although it was probably a flippant comment, it just made feel alright for a bit. Yeah I might be feeling awful right now, but I've made someone else happy so that's a nice feeling. Then last but certainly not least, we have Chris Joel (buffalo check shirt, beard)! I would be lying if I said he isn’t my favourite... His sense of humor is the one I vibe with most, he can get rather dramatic in parts and can chat bollocks like a champion. He has absolutely no online presence away from TechDif and, like Rens from Temples, I fully believe he’s a cryptid and lives off in a tree somewhere. 
The picture took me about 4 days to complete, well 4 nights because I did most of it between the hours of 12 a.m. and 7a.m. - I remember watching the sun come through my window each morning. It’s made up of lots of little pieces, all cut out and stuck on; even the sky and hills are made of separate pieces of paper. Nothing was actually drawn on the piece of paper it’s all stuck on, it’s not how I usually do things but if I messed up one little but I could just redraw it rather than ruining the whole thing. The most tedious parts to make were Chris’ shirt because I had to draw each square individually and then join the as well, and cutting out the ban-hammer in the bottom right was surprisingly hard. Every single detail of the picture is a reference to the podcast/shows, I still have the plan sketch and reference list knocking about somewhere. I listened to a lot of true crime videos while making it to the point that certain parts remind me of different cases: the brandy now reminds me of Peter Tobin, and the big spiral thing reminds me of Tim McLean (very harrowing case) - sorry that fact is a bit morbid but interesting nonetheless. 
I did post this for a little bit back in July, but I received some rather awful messages so I took it down. Generally, Tom Scott/TechDif fans are lovely but there’s been a few that have taken a disliking to me for some reason so I’m hoping they don’t resurface again. I’m in a better head space now though, so even if they do I’m more equipped to deal with it this time.
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Hozier
This was a quick sketch I did in April, I was getting bored with lockdown and decided to summon the bog man himself. There’s not really much more backstory than that, no poor mental health story, no fun twitter story - he’s just here. He’s vibing. I will say I’m particularly proud of his nose, I just think it’s one of the best noses I’ve ever drawn. His hand is okay, but I think that the hands on my Conchúr drawings are better. So there is the Hozi-Boi...
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The Corpse Bry
I’ve talked about Bry on here before as well, I love him, he’s excellent, top lad. He is a living Tim Burton character, he’s 6′6, very skinny, and his legs are longer than my will to live. I was watching ‘The Corpse Bride’ a few weeks ago and suddenly had an idea and so ‘The Corpse Bry’ came to be. I gave him a little panda friend because the panda has always been his animal - he used to wear a panda beanie all the time and his album had a panda on the cover. Again, there’s not really a fun story behind this one, I guess it’s somewhat fun because it’s the first art I made after finishing my psychology exams in October so it was nice to actually have the time to draw.
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James Bagshaw
Ginger talking about Temples for the third post in a row? it’s more likely than you think! I did this one last week, I’d had a bit of a wobbly day and had group therapy on Teams in the evening and I just couldn’t concentrate on what was going on and I ended up doodling Mr James E. Bagshaw, the glitter crying fraggle man himself. It’s a bare-bones drawing that I could definitely work into more but I’m happy with it as it is to be honest. I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit and add the individual bits of fringe to his jacket, just thinking about doing that makes me tired. Maybe I’ll get around to drawing the whole band at some point...
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Alice in “Wonderland”
This one is from about 5(?) years ago, it’s not my typical style and was a “study” based on another artists work (basically i just had to copy this fellas work). I’ll be honest, this one has a sketchy backstory that I won’t go in to because it’s not exactly a nice one, and because of that I also won’t say who the artist is that it’s based on. Despite this, I’m still really proud of this one and I’m so sad that I never got this piece back after I got taken out the class. I’ve considered trying this style again, I’ve even joked about doing another Conchúr drawing in this style as a nod to my progression through GCSE art, eventually leading to Conchúr drawn in ink on music manuscript and stained with neon paint and dyes - it would be quite the project!
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So this has been quite a lengthy post so apologies about that but life goes on. Similar to the vinyl post, I’ll probably add to this as and when I make more art. Even if no one is reading these posts, I’m enjoying making them so that’s the main thing. It’s just nice to document things and the feelings that go with them. 💕
~ Love Ginger xx 
29/11/2020
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lovemalecforever · 3 years
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Chapter 16
Angels and Immortality
After resolving the issue, Jace and Alec went in search of others and found them in the library, reading the history of parabatai.
"So, how does this procedure work exactly?" Jace spoke.
Izzy and Clary exchanged a look, then looked at Alec and smiled widely. "Finally, Jace! Glad to know you got back into senses." Izzy commented.
"I had my own worries, okay? Don't look at me like that!" He eyed both women.
"Okay, enough!" Alec said. "I'll call Cat and let her know!"
They all nodded and Alec left the room to call Catarina. After 15 minutes Catarina came with the book held in her hands with the help of her magic and met them in the library, she kept the book on the circular table placed in the library and looked at Alec worriedly.
"Alec, can I talk to you privately?" She asked, her tone visibly worried.
"Yeah, sure." He frowned but followed her outside.
They were standing in the hallway outside the library when Catarina voiced her concern.
"Alec, did you talk to Magnus today?"
"Yeah, in the evening. He seemed fine. Why, what's wrong?"
"Alec, I got a call from Miss Rose, she's Madzie's teacher here at NY, they've organised a world tour for all the warlock children, she was in Alicante to take Madzie. She left with her around half an hour ago. Alec, Magnus-"
"He's alone..." He said with concern dipped in his voice, instantly getting worried for his husband.
"Alec, are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I'm calling Magnus to check up on him, you go inside and explain Clary her part." He said. Catarina nodded and left.
Alec sighed, rubbed the bridge of his nose, then took out his phone from his pants pocket and dialled Magnus's number.
__________________
Magnus kept refilling his glass of Dry Martini, trying to wash away the emptiness and disappointment residing inside him. He was standing by the bar counter, eyeing the dance floor and ordering a new refill when his phone buzzed, he saw the caller ID and gulped. He quickly took the glass from the counter then put a sound barrier spell around himself blocking all the noise of the bar around him then received the call.
"Alexander, thought you wouldn't call. How was your day?" He said trying to sound cheerful.
"Hey, love. It was fine. What are you doing?"
"Oh, n.. nothing, just tucked Madzie into the bed, she's really stubborn and mischievous, didn't want to go to sleep. She finally slept just now. It was such a tiring day running around her. She's a sweetheart though. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, I'm thinking of teaching her some new tricks." He gulped, hating lying to him but he didn't want him to worry.
Alec clenched his fist tightly, anger seeping through his body after hearing a clear white lie from his husband. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, not wanting to yell at him, remembering the state he could be in. "Magnus! Seriously!" He said coldly instead.
"Alexander, what? What happened?"
"Really Magnus!?"
Magnus was about to say something when realisation dawned on him. 'Shit! How can I be such an idiot! Catarina is with him in New York, she must have told him, and I lied to him right now. Damn you, Magnus!' he cursed himself.
"A... Alexander, I.. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you, I just didn't want you to get worried, that's all. I'm really sorry."
Alec sighed heavily. "Magnus, if you keep lying to me like this, how can you expect me to not get worried?"
"I... I understand and I'm really sorry, Alexander. I just-"
"Are you drinking?" Alec asked sternly, cutting him mid-sentence.
"What!?" Magnus was shocked by his sudden question.
"Are you drinking, Magnus?" He asked again.
Magnus looked down at the glass he held in his hand of Lilith knows what number of refills, and gulped nervously. "N..No. No, I'm not drinking, Alexander. I was just about to go to bed. Don't worry, I'm fine."
Alec rubbed his temples in frustration. He could clearly hear his hoarse and rough voice, the voice he always gets after infinite no. of drinking. But is still oblivious to the fact that his husband is at a bar in Germany and not at home. "Fine, Magnus. Just take care of yourself, love. I'll try to be back as soon as I can."
"Hey, do your job, shadowhunter, I'm fine, okay. I'll go to bed now."
Alec sighed. "Okay, I love you, bye."
"I love you too, darling."
Magnus sighed heavily when he cut the call and removed the barrier around him. He looked at the glass in his hand, rubbing his finger around the rim of the glass, he closed his eyes, thinking about the lies he just said to his shadowhunter, then opened his eyes and swallowed the content of the glass in one big gulp. He then paid the bartender and left, completely oblivious to the deep black pair of eyes watching his every move.
"Oh my love, so vulnerable, Magnus. It's going to be so much fun." The woman gave a vile smirk and disappeared into the crowd of people.
___________________
Alec sighed frustratingly. 'Why Magnus! Why do you lie to me so much? Why hide your pain? Why don't you talk to me? Just why?' he thought as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. He stood in the hallway for sometime, calming his nerves then walked inside the library, noticing everyone's eyes were on him.
"Are you okay, big brother?" Izzy asked, voice filled with concern.
Alec nodded in response.
"Alec is Magnus," Catarina started, but Alec cut her mid-sentence.
"Not fine. He lied to me again. He's drinking, even when I've warned him not to." He looked at Cat, noticing her worried filled eyes for her best friend.
"Can we just please get this over with!" Alec said in a low voice, everyone nodded knowing talking about Magnus will only worsen Alec's worries. Jace put his hand on his brother's shoulder and squeezed it gently.
The book was placed in the center of the table, and everyone took their places beside it, giving Alec one final look of reassurance.
"Clary? You know what to do, right?" Catarina asked, and Clary nodded.
Clary closed her eyes and focused her attention on calling Angel Ithuriel.
"I calleth upon thee, Angel Ithuriel. Prithee hark to mine plea." She repeated it like a chant several times but she frowned and opened her eyes when it didn't work.
"It's not working..."
"Is there something written in the book on how to call upon him?" Alec asked Cat, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration.
"No, there's nothing in this book for that. I've gone through it many times already. Sorry, Alec."
"Try something else, Clary. Maybe say it in your mind instead of saying it out loud. Don't stress yourself, just relax first then try again." Izzy suggested she saw the look on her brother's face and hated seeing him like this. She wanted to do anything she could to make her brothers happy.
Clary nodded as she took a few deep breaths to relax herself, then closed her eyes again and concentrated.
"The light to the darkness, the creator of our kind, the one we pray to. I calleth upon thee. Prithee hark to mine cries for thee. I plea for thy presence." She said in her mind, then started repeating it like a chant, just when she thought it's not working again, her body became stiff, she felt cold and felt like she's falling down from an infinite spiral of darkness, the world around her completely gone.
Everyone looked at Clary in shock when her body became stiff like a statue. Her skin became pale and she looked really peaceful like that.
"Guys, her skin is really cold." Izzy said when she touched her.
"Clary? Are you okay? Clairebear?" Jace asked, worried filled in his voice for his girlfriend.
"What's happening?" Alec asked.
Izzy was about to touch her again when Catarina stopped her. "I think it worked, we can just wait for now." She said and looked at the others. They all nodded and looked at Clary's stiff form.
Clary felt like she got stuck in an infinity loop when she finally felt ground beneath her. She got up and opened her eyes. When she did, she saw bright white light all around her. When her eyes adjusted to her surroundings she realized that she was in a forest completely covered in mist. There was the rustle of winds and whispers of distant forest creatures. The forest seemed like it was enchanted.
"Why did you call upon me Clarissa?" A heavenly voice echoed in the whole forest.
"Angel Ithuriel!" She looked around to find him, but there was no one.
"I'll only appear when you give me the reason for your visit." The voice echoed again.
"I need your help, Angel Ithuriel. My friends need your help. He has a request for you."
"What is that, Clarissa?" The voice was soft this time but still had the heavenly essence in it.
Clary explained to him all about Magnus and Alec and the situation they were in, and Alec's request to get an immortality spell from him. When she was done she saw Angel Ithuriel standing in front of her in all his glory. She smiled helplessly.
"Immortality is not something to gain, Clarissa. This spell was removed from existence because of the consequential damages it wreaked upon the mortal lives. I've only provided to those who have proven their worth that they'll cherish and respect it, not regret and waste it."
"Alec won't disappoint, Angel Ithuriel. He'll respect it till his death."
"I'm not risking it until I see it for myself, Clarissa. I want to see from his eyes why becoming immortal means so much to him."
Clary's eyes widened. "But, how?"
"Is that person sitting near you?"
"Yes."
"Then hold his hand and don't remove it until I ask you to." He said and put his right hand over her head.
Everyone was tense with Clary's state, she hadn't moved in the last 15 minutes. They all started to get worried when Clary moved her right hand.
"Clary?" Jace asked.
"Looks like she's searching for something! Clary? What is it?" Izzy asked.
"Alec!" She whispered, sounding completely different from her own self.
Everyone looked at Alec, and Alec moved his right hand forward and held her hand. He didn't feel anything at first, but after some time he felt a wave of energy flowing inside him and invading his mind and memories. He closed his eyes to block the sudden brightness which appeared in front of his eyes. After what felt like an eternity but were just ten minutes, he felt the energy withdrawing from him. He opened his eyes and saw that everyone except Clary was looking at him with shock written on their faces. Not long after, Clary withdrew her hand and went back into her trance state.
"Okay, that was weird!" Alec stated.
The angel removed his hand from Clary's head when he was done going through Alec's memories. Clary looked at him expectantly, desperately wanting to help Magnus if this was the only solution left.
"I see, that boy is really determined and strong. His passion and protective nature will make him even stronger. His intentions and heart are really pure. I'm ready to help him, Clarissa."
"Thank you, Angel Ithuriel."
The angel put his hand forward and a light golden colored ball appeared in it. "These are the spells, Clarissa. I'm giving it to you now."
He absorbed the energy in his hand and put his thumb on Clary's forehead.
They were all confused and shocked after what happened a few minutes ago. Alec was feeling restless, and others were looking at Clary and waiting for her to get out of her never-ending trance. Suddenly, Clary's forehead started glowing with bright golden lights.
"Clary! What the.." Jace exclaimed.
"Paper! Pen! Fast!" Clary whispered.
Catarina quickly summoned a pen in her hand and a piece of paper in front of her. As soon as Clary felt the pen around her fingers she started scribbling on the paper. Once she was done, the glow on her forehead stopped and she got out of her trance-like state with a loud gasp. She blinked a few times to adjust to the surroundings.
"Clary! Claire Bear! Are you okay?"
"I'm fine Jace." She said softly but suddenly widened her eyes at Jace. "Did you just called me...?"
Jace blushed, not realizing he called her by the nickname they decided not to say in front of others. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, didn't realize I said it." He pleaded with his eyes not to be mad at him.
"Aww.. as much as this is fun seeing you both like that, we need to know what happened." Izzy said mockingly, earning a glare from Jace.
"I got the spells!" Clary exclaimed while holding the paper in her hands. Everyone sighed with relief and she handed the paper to Catarina when she asked for it.
"So, what's next?" Jace asked.
As soon as he asked, a copper bowl with intricate designs over it, and a metallic dagger laced with emeralds and diamonds on its handle appeared on the table.
"Next is," Catarina said, "Clary, you're going to cut your palm with the help of this dagger and pour your blood in this bowl, then I'll perform the spell on it and keep it in the moonlight. Alec, I'll let you know when you have to reach the forest, I'll be present there already."
Alec nodded in response. Clary went ahead with the procedure, after filling the bowl to its brim, she felt exhausted. Izzy helped her by activating her iratze, healing her cut instantly. Catarina vanished the bowl and the book into her apartment then took her leave and left.
"So, you're going to drink my girlfriend's blood, I didn't say it before, but it's disturbing, Alec."
Alec glared at him. "Shut up! Jace!"
"Come on, people. Let's get some rest." Izzy said while dragging everyone out of the library and into their rooms.
*************************
*Next day at the early stage of dawn*
Alec stepped out of the portal into a jungle, where Catarina was already there completing the pentagram. The copper bowl with the blood already turned into golden white was kept on the ground. He looked around, it was dead silent, the stars were gone and the sky had started turning into light shades of blue. He could see the moon vanishing into the clouds.
"Alec, on time. You need to remove your shirt and step in the center of the pentagram. You have to handle me your stele and your pho-"
"I've already given it to Jace." He handed her the stele, then stepped inside the silver pentagram drawn on the ground. Then she handed him a bowl of blood.
Alec looked at the bowl in his hand and sighed heavily. 'I love you, Magnus. Always and forever.' he thought to himself, then looked at Catarina and nodded.
He took the bowl and placed it on his lips and started sipping on it, as on cue Catarina started performing the spell simultaneously.
With each sip, he felt a tingling sensation in every part of his body. He could feel the smallest of the sensation, the gentle wind touching his skin felt like millions of sharp needles poking on his skin. His blood rushing through his veins, the slow rhythmic beating of his heart, he was able to feel everything. By the time he was done drinking, he noticed that his whole body was glowing.
Catarina waited till he stopped glowing, then she stepped into the pentagram, stood in front of him, and placed the immortality rune right above his heart to seal the spell. Once she was done she stepped out of the pentagram.
"I have completed the procedure, Alec. Your awakening will start in some time and I can't stay here for that. It will be really powerful, so I'll leave now."
"Thank you, Cat. Your help meant a lot."
She nodded and smiled at him then created a portal for herself and left.
After sometime Alec felt pain surging throughout his body, he screamed and fell on the ground.
"It's not easy to turn into an immortal, Alec." A heavenly voice said.
Alec looked around and saw a man standing by the woods who was slowly walking towards him.
"A.. Angel Ithuriel!?" He gaped at the man who was looking glorious, a huge pair of white wings were fluttering by his sides and was in ancient clothing.
"Yes, it's me, Alec. You're really brave, but it's not going to be easy, child."
"I'll d...do my best, A... Angel Ithuriel! I.. I want this." He managed to say while gritting his teeth because of the immense pain surging in his body, especially on his spine and shoulders.
He screamed in pain and fisted his hands in the grass beneath him as all his pain got centered around his spine and shoulder blades and he felt his skin and muscles getting ripped and something crawling out of it.
He fell on the ground and screamed as loudly as he could, his eyes becoming watery when all the pain got focused on his ripped skin and his shoulders and back started getting heavy. He felt the blood oozing out of it and flowing down on his back.
He composed himself and started getting up when he felt the pain fading away, but heaviness was still there. His mouth fell open when he realized the source of the heaviness.
He stood straight then looked around himself and found a pair of 8 foot long appendages on either side. Before he could react his body started glowing again, his runes glowing a brilliant shade of goldish silver, his beautiful hazel eyes turned into a mesmerizing pair of icy silver, and his wings fluttering beside him.
The angel looked at him in complete disbelief, his eyes never leaving the newly awakened angeled shadowhunter.
"A.. Angel Ithuriel? Is something wrong?" Alec asked the wide-eyed angel, once he stopped glowing and his eyes turned back to hazel.
The older angel stepped forward and ran his fingers through Alec's wings, each feather carved in three different colors, white on the base blending into brilliant silver-tipped with a light tint of gold.
"Silver!" The heavenly voice stated. "Silver is a rare color for angels to have, Alec. You might not have realized, but your eyes turned to icy silver for a fraction of the time. The angels possessing silver eyes and wings are very rare and really powerful. They are supposed to be great warriors and protectors of the earth."
The older angel looked at Alec with gleam and pride in his eyes. "You were destined to become an angel, Alec Lightwood. If you wouldn't have chosen for yourself, destiny would have caught you up in some other ways. You're brave, strong-willed, a leader, with a pure heart who wants to protect his loved ones by any means. You are one of your own kind, Alec."
Alec's jaw was dropped on the floor and he was left completely speechless by the older angel's confrontation. His wings fluttered and curled around his legs in excitement.
"Wha.. I.." He looked at the wings curled around himself in confusion.
Angel Ithuriel smiled. "Your wings are part of your body now, Alec. They will react to your emotions and feelings."
"Oh! But on my shoulders, it's still painful. And the heaviness.." he trailed off, still confused by the new abilities he gained.
"That's why I'm here, you're here, in the bed of nature, nature is the source of our energy, it's going to help you. Now, let's help you control your awakened powers."
Alec nodded and stepped out of the pentagram with his new pair of wings and a newly turned immortal. He smiled to himself knowing he's an immortal now. 'Only for you, Mags. I love you, always and forever.'
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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 4 years
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The Truths Found On Petram Viridios IV (1/?)
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What started out as an idea for a short one shot grew into a multichap that I'm almost done editing. I think 🤔 it'll be either 4 or 5 chapters long depending on how long each chapter will be after I'm done editing. Anyway, I hope you guys will enjoy.
In this fic you learn how easily things can change, but how it effects you isn't always a bad thing.
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Chapter 1: The Phenomenon
There was little difference to what was happening around you at the moment. There were no little green men, or yellow submarines, neither were there tangelos, or bags of golden rings, but there was a blue-haired man with plenty of dreams. Still, life was swell; summer was around the corner, and you were reading in the garage just to be near Zeta-7; he was working on his latest piece of tech, and you were distracted by his charming quirks and ticks. If you hadn't known any better, you'd say it was business as usual. Yet, it was because you had been acquainted with Rick that the previous blindspots of your world were made known to you; conscious of the rare events which were going to take place in another quadrant of space.
A phenomenon was going to occur; one which would not happen again for another 1000 years; the blooming of the Milleannos flower. Legends say that those who touch its pollen might live forever, and those who smell its perfume might be cured of all that ails them, but those claims were supposedly unsubstantiated. There was to be a gala to celebrate the occasion; all in attendance were respectable, distinguished guests and because of Rick, you were also invited, but there were rules; strict guidelines which were to be obeyed unless you wished to throw away your life. And although you weren't happy about them, you were willing to abide by them for Rick's sake. However, there were a few things you didn't understand. "Rick, why won't we be allowed to dance together?"
His hands paused their activity, and his body sagged a little; dreading the reminder not because he's informed you already, but because it pained him to remind himself that he couldn't spend a once in a lifetime occasion with you. "B-because according to the laws of Petram Viridios IV, you are assigned a um - a party companion which is determined according to the alignment of your spine, carbon dioxide levels, as well as daily water intake. And due to the variety of guests, everyone must stand at least six feet apart to avoid air poisoning. However, if given an a-air helmet in order to assist with breathing, then I believe that the last rule isn't as severe. It's - there is a-a lot to remember."
Currently, he was piecing together the circuits and connecting the wires which would power his reflective shield. It was going to be worn under his dress shirt and would be undetectable under their scanners; as a precaution of course. "Ricky, you know I barely drink water." You weren't a fan of water, but you enjoyed flavored beverages and if you did drink water, it was always carbonated first. "I mean, I can get past the distance thing, but what am I supposed to do if I'm assigned to someone I don't like, and have to spend hours being bored and jealous that you're next to gorgeous, realistic fembots from Westworld?"
Unlike you, Zeta-7 drank so much water, you wondered how he wasn't rushing to the bathroom every five minutes. The only other people who drank that much water were beauty gurus who wanted to keep their skin in tip-top shape; you could really try harder if you wanted to. Good naturedly, he answered. "Gosh, y-you don't have to worry about that. I know a fembot when I-I see one."
You raised a brow at this, but seeing as he meant it literally, you listened on. "No s-siree, I won't be assigned a party companion because I'm going t-t-to be assisting the king in protecting their sacred relic."
How Rick became designated to assist with such a task was beyond you, but there seemed to be a glimmer of slight pride in the fact that he'd be so lucky and privileged as to be near the legendary flower, as well as to the beings who revered it. He was determined to find out the truth behind its properties, and if his hypothesis proved true, then he had a plan. You enjoyed when he was diverted with schemes; not the kind which was evil in nature, but the ones which could end happily or inconclusively. Anyway, you two were discussing how to go about it all.
The discussion had gaps of pause where he'd need to concentrate on bits of wiring that needed to be soldered or bent. Without distraction, you were more aware that it was humid, especially with the garage door being fully open for proper ventilation; bits of your hair stuck to your face and to the back of your neck despite how you'd try to tie it. As annoying as it was, it did have its draw; every so often, you'd catch Rick staring and you'd feel a thrill for it could be a year or ten years, but his shy tendencies would never stop being endearing; why he felt the need to reign himself when you were cool with him checking you out was something you hoped he'd someday become more comfortable with, but for now you'd simply giggle and wink at him to let him know you knew. He did his best to focus on the task at hand, but it wasn't going as well as he had hoped for it happened more than once that you'd have to hand him a tool he was blindly reaching out for. "You wouldn't happen to know who my party companion is," you inquired, as you were tying your hair up for the umpteenth time. "do you? And if you do, can't you change them?"
Giving you that look which always preceded his speeches of why he couldn't do that random illegal thing, he explained with kindly patience. "I could change th-the records, and assign you to someone I know, but that wouldn't be legal."
"I know."
"However," he brightened as he paused his work to face you fully. "I do have a copy of the guest list. Give me a-a moment to pull it up on my computer. Hmm," he wondered more to himself then out loud. "that's odd."
"What is it?"
Drumming his fingertips on his workbench, he double-checked his calculations, then went over and wrote it all out on a chalkboard to be sure. Tapping the freshly used chalk tip to his chin in thought, leaving a little powder on his face, he nodded when it seemed satisfactory. "According to um - to my calculations, it's possible that it's either the Salamandrian chemist, V'gha Khadaka or the Chordatan Knight, Noathamas."
"Is there a correlation between the two?"
"Other than their similar water intake levels, they both enjoy their privacy. However, I'm a-a little stumped as to how it might be possible to be assigned to them both. None of your occupations are similar, neither is there a species similarity, but I'm sure I'll figure it out before the event."
Great, just great. That sort of information wasn't all that helpful, but you pressed a kiss to his cheek to ease the worry which he had been hiding. You wondered if it was too late to back out, but for the most part you were determined to be there for him, even if it meant odd company. "Alright. Um… is there something I should keep in mind before I go dress shopping?"
A quick glance at your current outfit made him smile. You were wearing an old band tee and jeans with so many patches, that they were more patch then jean. "I-I don't think so. Almost anything is fine. Though, y-you might want to avoid plant-based materials in favor of synthetics just in case."
"Okay, I think I can do that, but don't be surprised if I look like I just walked out of a 1980s prom. I'll have you know that being slightly flammable is a dream of mine."
He chuckled at that and patted your shoulder. "Hohoho, I'm sure it'll be fine. You - you always look pretty in whatever you wear."
"If you mean that I'll be so fine, that I'll light up the room with my razzle-dazzle, then you better watch out. You never know who'll be charmed without my knowing."
Now, there had been little to no weight to your phrasing just now, but he felt differently. Giving your shoulders a squeeze, there was a distant, far off look in his eyes that you could only recall from specific occasions. It was a mix of longing, sadness, and regret, but you couldn't pin it on what exactly. It was as though he were trying to convey by sight that there was something he ought to do, that he ought to say, but as quickly as it had appeared, it left and was replaced by acceptance. He pulled away and returned to his previous task while you used a spare computer to begin the search for the perfect dress. He said it'll be fine, and you certainly hoped so.
____________
Adjustments in gravity made you feel as though you could jump in and out of craters as though you were wearing moon shoes; that is until you stepped onto a ship or station, then you felt as though you had fifty pounds tied to each foot. You were grateful for the terrain stabilizers that Rick placed in your flats a few adventures ago, otherwise, you would've already been worn out.
You two arrived a few minutes apart by way of the designated ship which held a variety of guests. To explain, the ship itself was a marvel and a work of beauty as far as intergalactic travel was concerned; its mechanical parts were held together by a compound whose main ingredient was a type of scarlet amber. Piece by piece, it had been crafted by a mixture of living matter and tech so advanced, that it'd have taken 300 years of Earth-based studies to understand a fraction of how one of its panels could work; probably sooner for someone like Rick.
Your eyes trailed the conduits as you were led through hallways that seemed to spiral and spill into larger hallways with varying temperatures and design and you wondered how it was those conduits crossed over and branched off like veins, but you had no time to find out and didn't feel privileged enough to ask as you were led into a cabin. Multiple voices hushed, but resumed to their usual loudness once you had settled into what appeared to be a loveseat with the coloring and texture of a pumpkin; it was your assigned seating, but it was not as soft as you would have liked.
It wouldn't be till later that you'd find out that Rick had traveled in a cabin on level 4 while you had been on level 2. In your cabin was a being composed of pure energy, with a name not spelled in letters but in frequencies, who was one of the musicians. A few feet away, was V'gha Khaḍaka; he was tall, sure-looking, had smooth, striped skin which glistened, and a tail strong enough to break someone's spine in a blink; the good thing was that he hadn't been trained in combat, but was simply a scientist who enjoyed the pursuit of knowledge. And a few feet away from the Salamandrian chemist was the knight Noathamas; he stood at half your height, but his chest was puffed out in such a way that made him appear larger, while his round amber eyes and curly whiskers gave him a soft, cuddly appearance; you had been warned by Rick that his appearance did not reveal much about his character and to watch out for him.
It was uncommon but not unheard of to be assigned multiple party companies as you had been; you were matched up to both V'gha and Noathamas due to your odd chemical makeup. Who would've thought that drinking a La Croix before leaving home would confuse their scanners? Goodness, you were grateful that it was a quick trip, and when it was time to depart the ship, you were escorted by two guards before you were given a helmet; it was nearly invisible except for its indicator light which was shaped like a flower, and it blended in with your dress; a colorful sequin cocktail dress you found on eBay. Not far from you were both your companions, who gave off the impression that they were your entourage rather than dates for the night. You saw Rick from a distance, and you knew he was trying to play it cool, but his eyes were sparkling with affection, although he knew he was supposed to suppress it due to the strict traditions imposed by the royal family; he looked away as he was escorted by six guards, but part of you wished that he hadn't.
You took a deep breath to calm your giddiness; this wasn't the time to allow your emotions to carry you away and affect the mission which was to get through the evening. V'gha could pick up on your subtle changes in body language, and thanks to a universal translator in your helmet, you could understand him. "From what I understand," he commented with a surprisingly smooth, velvety voice. "he's the smartest man in the universe. Is that true?"
"Maybe," you replied nonchalantly, "but he's more than just a brain. I heard he's a great lover. Not really my type," you lied because Zeta-7 suggested that you keep the details of your relationship with him a secret; again for safety, but you thought boasting up his reputation wouldn't hurt. "though, to each his own."
"Do you know him personally?"
When questions like this were thrown at you, it made you wonder about the curious people who meant it to sound nice, but in actuality wanted to test the waters as to how much can they ask so soon. Glancing at your nails, you feigned disinterest. "I'm not sure if I'm allowed to give out that type of information."
"You two are the only humans here." he stated matter of factly. There were humanoid beings but he was right. "It doesn't take rocket science to figure that much out."
"How would you know," you retorted with an air of certainty. "you're not a rocket scientist."
"You're right, I'm not. However, I do dabble into it from time to time. I'm sure he does too. I can smell the exhaust from here."
Hmm, perhaps this event was going to be more interesting than you thought. You shared a look of understanding with the chemist, and thought that perhaps you wouldn't need to be so wary of him; his charisma gave him a charm you hadn't yet decided if it was welcomed or should be ignored; whether his earlier comment was out of egotism or curiosity. And before you could make a comeback, Noathamas commented. "Shall we find our assigned seating and continue from there?"
"Sounds fine. Why don't you two walk ahead," you suggested with a coolness you didn't know you had. "I'll be sure to follow."
When you were sure that they were far enough, you took out your miniature glass terrarium necklace, which held a shrunken sunflower that had an iridescent shimmer on its petals; the one Rick had given you after a memorable date; it was made to remind you of how he saw you and you were very glad it had gone undetected under the scanners you passed through. And in your mind's eye you could still see the glimmer and shine of his electric blue eyes as he had taken in your appearance this afternoon before you two departed Earth; oh how he had wanted to kiss you and hug you but had refrained from doing so in order to double-check if he had all his supplies. His compliments had been many as he drove into the inky blackness of space, but when he parked at the station which was at the midway point, and you two lined up to board the ship which took you to this strange world, his face became neutral; his job made him good at that. You kissed your lovely necklace, replaced it so that it laid underneath your dress collar, and your heart called out to him in the void which was Petram Viridios IV; hoping you wouldn't have to go the through the evening without seeing your beloved again before you made yourself appear neutral and made sure to stay at least six feet apart from everyone in your midst.
Tbc
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ohemgeeitscoley · 4 years
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Signed, Sealed, Delivered (1/5)
Fandom: Star Wars
Pairing: Rey/Ben Solo (Reylo)
Note: Written for the Movie Exchange. This was a blast to participate in, and I’m so excited to share it!
Biggest thank you and love to @andyouweremine​ and @storiesofimagination​ and @notababoonbrandishingastick​ for reading along and cheering me on and pointing out the ways to make the story better. You guys make writing fun and I love you.
Read below or on AO3
This is not where Ben wanted to be in life. When he was a child imagining his future being a 28 year old assistant for a giant dick was not even remotely on the list of possibilities. 
But here he is spending his Friday night standing outside of a building with an annoying bouncer reminding him that the doorway was for members only.
The fucking doorway.
Ben could be a member if he wanted. If he wasn't too stubborn to touch his inheritance. But he wanted to make it in life on his own merits and not because of old money and his family's name.
Nights like tonight make it hard to remember any of it matters.
His mom has been on him more the last few months. He's been Snoke's assistant for two years. The last assistant had only had the job for a year before Snoke got him set up as a VP for a large hedge fund. 
Ben's been wasting his time getting Snoke food and encouraging him through drinking green juice for two years with nothing to show for it.
He knows he should take his mom up on her offer. Hell, he could call his uncle and get a position at his company and really no one would blink. 
But it matters to him. He doesn't want to rely on nepotism and to be in a position he hasn't earned.
He has an MBA. He didn't think it would be this hard.
Ben sighs, shoving one hand into his pant pocket and scrolls through the messages on his phone.
Most are from his mom. Reminding him that he is supposed to go home this weekend for a family dinner. As if he is going to have time for that. There are a few from Poe talking about a new guy he met at the bar and some random items Ben assumes are groceries Poe wants him to pick up whenever he heads home.
It's almost midnight and he's been standing on a sidewalk for 45 minutes. 
His boss finally walks out of the building and he's already harping at Ben about different things and Ben is having a hard time caring and paying attention. Snoke stops next to Ben, adjusting his tie, before running his hands through his slightly turning silver brown hair. 
“Alright,” Snoke says, unscrewing the lid from one of those God awful green juices he keeps buying, “do your thing.”
Ben responds immediately, listing off the first few better tasting foods that come to his mind. Snoke downs the drink and tosses him the bottle, like he has anywhere to throw it away, and heads toward the car that is waiting for them.
“So I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Ben asks, opening the door to the car.
“What?” Snoke asks, narrowing his eyes as he glances up from his phone to Ben. “What do you mean tomorrow? You’re going back to the office.”
No, Ben thinks, resisting the urge to grit his teeth. “Right. Of course I am,” he gets out, following Snoke into the car. “Do you want me to order dinner? Since we’re going back to the office?”
Snoke looks at Ben like he’s growing a second head. “I just drank my juice. You just saw me drink my juice.”
Ben did just see him drink his juice. Just like Ben has seen him drink several juices and then act affronted that Ben didn’t order him lunch or dinner twenty minutes later when he realizes he’s still hungry.
The car pulls away from the sidewalk and merges into traffic. It’s going to be a long night.
***
Rey loves her job. Really. She does. Being the assistant for Amilyn Holdo is an honor and a privilege. Amilyn is a force to be reckoned with and there is so much for Rey to learn from her. Not to mention the exposure. Rey is working in one of the best digital media firms in New York. Outside of Amilyn, Rey is surrounded by some of the best writers, editors, and photographers. She’s lucky to have the job. She knows how lucky she is.
However. It is almost midnight on a Friday and she’s been in the office since 6:45 and all she wants to do is go back to her apartment, curl into her bed, and watch a stupid movie and fall asleep. But Amilyn is still in her office on the phone and Rey knows that she can’t leave before Amilyn. It was never a spoken rule, that Rey needs to be the first one to arrive and the last one to leave. But that was because it didn’t need to be said out loud. It was expected.
Rey’s phone buzzes against her desk. Glancing down at the lit up screen, Rey scrunches her nose at the text notification from Kaydel. It’s text number twelve for the night. She was supposed to meet up with Kaydel and Rose for drinks after work. Rey hates that she has been such an absentee friend, but Amilyn had been throwing herself even more into work the last few months and Rey’s social life had all but vanished since then.
Amilyn’s door opens and she throws Rey a fitness watch.
“I need that up to at least 10,000 steps before I leave,” she says, already walking back into her office. “My trainer can’t think that I’m slacking off in between sessions. And order me dinner from that one place.”
Amilyn’s door closes before she’s done talking, her voice muffled. But Rey knows what she says and she knows the place that Amilyn is vaguely referring to because she is a good assistant.
No. She is a great assistant.
Rey opens up the restaurant's website and places Amilyn’s dinner order. Rey’s stomach growls, she isn’t quite sure when she ate last. Amilyn had needed her to take notes during her lunch meeting and Rey didn’t have a chance to eat afterward. Rey glares down at her belly for betraying her and adds dinner for her to the order before sending it out.
Her email pings with the confirmation of her order. The estimated time of arrival is 45 minutes.
45 minutes for two sandwiches at almost midnight seems ridiculous.
Rey calls the restaurant and bickers with them until they concede that the food can be delivered in 30 minutes.
Sliding Amilyn’s watch on her wrist, Rey stands up and stretches her arms before beginning to pace around the office. 
***
"What do you mean you can't take a credit card?" Rey's eyes widen as she starts going through her wallet even though she knows she does not have enough cash to cover the food. She's not sure she has any cash at all. 
Rey is sweaty and gross from trying to get the fitness watch up to 10,000 steps in 30 minutes. Rey had only managed about 4,000 and she feels like her lungs and legs are going to be burning for days. She still had another 3,000 to go.
"We're cash only on deliveries now," the delivery driver answers and he looks like he's contemplating getting ready to take the food and leave.
But Rey needs that food. She can't let her boss down at almost midnight when she said she was going down to the lobby to get her dinner.
"I have… I have Venmo? CashApp? I'll download any app you have actually." Rey offers, pulling out a checkbook. "What about a check?"
The guy rolls his eyes. "You think if we aren't taking cards, we are going to take checks?"
"It's not 1990, so the fact that you guys are refusing to take digital currency led me to believe you were stuck in the past." Rey huffs in annoyance, her brain spiraling trying to come up with another plan.
Rey hears the elevator ding behind her, but she's too distracted by the problem in front of her to pay much attention. 
"I can offer a contract for a small piece of my soul?" Rey jokingly offers. 
"Do you have the $32.50 or not?" He asks, clearly not impressed. 
"Yes, I do have the $32.50," Rey argues, "in any form of currency available to me that is not actually cash in my hand. Which was also nowhere on your website. This seems like a scam. Are you trying to pocket the cash?"
"I don't need this shit," he starts to put the bag away when--
"I have cash," a deep voice says from behind Rey. "I can pay."
Rey turns around quickly and looks at the man walking toward them. 
He's… large. In a fairly tall, very wide kind of way. His face is all sharp angles and his hair is long and dark… and it looks really soft. 
He's vaguely familiar looking. Rey assumes he works in the building too and that she's probably seen him at some point. She's surprised she doesn't remember him though, because he is extremely attractive. 
"You don't have--" Rey starts, before realizing the hot stranger is handing delivery driver money and grabbing the bag and he is stealing her dinner. "Excuse me, that is my dinner. Fuck. That is my boss's dinner."
The delivery driver leaves with a slight flick of his fingers to the other man before walking away.
"I paid for it," the food thief shrugs, "So it's my boss's dinner now."
"No, no, no, no, no," Rey breaths, her mind spinning to come up with a plan as she followed the man toward the elevator. "There's two dinners in there. One for me and one for my boss. I need my boss's dinner. I cannot get fired."
Something near sympathy seems to pass over his face. He pauses, his grip on the bag loosening. 
"And it's about to be my boss's dinner because I cannot get fired."
"Listen," Rey begins, chewing on her bottom lip. "What's your name?"
"Ben," he responds. "And I really need to get back to work."
"So do I, Ben," Rey holds on to the vowel in his name for a few seconds. "But I cannot go back without food. Spare a dinner. Does your boss really need both?"
"What did you get?" Ben asks, but he's already opening the bag before Rey can answer.
He pulls out the first box and hands it to Rey before he grabs the second box and let's the bag fall to the ground. 
Rey opens her box first.  It's Amilyn's steak sandwich with blue cheese crumbles and a lettuce wrap instead of a bun. There's a side of pita chips and hummus.
That means Ben has Rey's pulled pork sandwich, with the caramelized onions and perfectly toasted brioche bun. Not to mention the apple slaw and sweet potato fries. 
Rey's mouth waters and her stomach betrays her and rumbles. Her cheeks redden with embarrassment.  
"This is my boss's," Rey holds up the container in her hand. "Yours gets to enjoy mine."
"It's a pulled pork sandwich," he states as if the sandwich is personally offending him.  
"It's an amazing pulled pork sandwich," Rey shakes her head in disbelief. "Does your boss have something against good food?"
"Good?" Ben looks at the sandwich again. "This is a basic sandwich at best. Pork and onions? Sweet potato fries? I'll be the one getting fired if I bring him this. He is a man of refined taste."
"I can fix this." Rey drops to her knees, setting down the steak sandwich and holding out her hand for the container from Ben.
He looks amused when he hands her the box. Rey ignores it and goes to work.
She pulls the top bun off the pulled pork sandwich, trying not to inhale the delicious scent wafting from the box. She takes a handful of bleu cheese crumbles from the other sandwich and sprinkles them over the sandwich. Then she grabs a fork out of the bag and strategically places about a quarter of the apple slaw on top of the onions.  
She then gathers the rest of the apple slaw and puts them in her boss's container, followed by the sweet potato fries. The hummus and pita chips fit perfectly in the box next to the remastered sandwich. 
"There we go," Rey puts the bun back on top of the sandwich and closes the lid to the boxes. She stands slowly, holding out one box for Ben. "Viola, a culinary masterpiece."
"I don't know about that." He gives the container a quizzical look. "But you owe me at least $22 for this."
"What?" Rey scoffs. "That's more than my sandwich was to begin with and you took most of the toppings."
He shrugs. "I saved your ass. There's a tax for that."
"You're a monster," Rey glares at him. "But fine, deal. I'll bring it to you tomorrow, Ben."
"Perfect,  I'm on the 22nd floor…" he stops, tilting his head. "I don't know your name."
"Rey," she answers, a smug smile overtaking her face. "I'm on the 23rd floor."
He isn't impressed. Or if he is, he hides it well. The arrogance that rolls off of him is off putting. He walks away to the elevator, pressing the up arrow. "I expect you'll be there no later than 7. I have a life."
"Right," Rey snorts, picking up the bag he left behind on the floor. There was a wrapped pickle inside. Score. "Says the assistant getting his boss dinner at midnight. You'll get it when you get it."
Rey hits the button for the other elevator across the hall. She does not want to be in an elevator with him. 
The doors open for both elevators at the same time. Rey walks into hers first, turning around to see him step. 
"You'll be there by 7, or the interest will double," Ben chuckles.
Rey's mouth falls open. "Interest!" She exclaims, but the elevator door is already closing. "You never said anything about interest you ass--"
The door shuts.
"Asshole," Rey finishes in the elevator. "Absolute asshole."
Rey pouts as she takes a bite into the pickle. Interest. What kind of person charges interest on essentially stolen food.
She's still lost in her thoughts when the elevator opens and [boss] steps in.
"I'm going home," she says, pressing the button for the main floor. 
Rey barely has time to get out of the elevator before the door starts to close.
"I'll be in by 7 tomorrow," she adds just before the doors finally close.
Rey closes her eyes. "Here's your $30 sandwich that I just spent 40 minutes to get for you," Rey says to the vacant office. "And maybe tomorrow I'll pitch my idea about the positive effects of team sports for foster children and other disenfranchised  youth."
The majority of the lights are dimmed, leaving the normally colorful and bright walls dark and shadowy. Rey heads toward her desk, unwrapping the sandwich and taking a bite.
She presses the button on the side of her desk to raise it up so she can stand while she finishes eating. Glancing at the time, Rey groans. 12:17. 
By the time she finishes responding to all of Amilyn''s invites, it'll be 1. After the subway ride to her apartment and some much needed unwind time, Rey will be lucky to get three hours of sleep before she has to be back at the office. 
Her skin practically vibrates at the amount of caffeine she is going to need to order in the morning. And she's going to have to stop by an ATM to pull out cash.
Maybe even a bank. 
Because she is only giving Ben $22. Not a penny more.
***
The article Rey is reading when Kaydel and Rose come stumbling into the apartment has her close to tears. She wipes at her eyes quickly as Kaydel throws herself down onto the chair across from Rey. 
“Rey!” Kaydel shouts holding her arms up in a v above her head. “We missed you. You didn’t even respond to the last few messages I sent.”
“I know.” Rey grimaces. “I couldn’t get out of work. Amilyn had meeting after meeting.”
“It’s okay,” Kaydel smiles brightly at Rey. “I love you anyway.”
The best part of being best friends with Kaydel is that Rey knows without a doubt that Kaydel absolutely means everything she is saying. Kaydel doesn’t mince words. She doesn’t hide from the hard or uncomfortable things. She plows forward until the matter is addressed and resolved. And then she moves on.
“Well hopefully you can join us next time,” Rose offers, sitting on the arm rest of the chair next to Kaydel. “I need someone to try to help me keep up with her.”
Rey laughs, her eyes crinkling in the corners as she shakes her head. “We all know I cannot keep up with her.”
“Please,” Kaydel huffs. “No one can keep up with me. I am an unstoppable machine.”
“You need water,” Rose says, leaning over to kiss Kaydel’s cheek. “I’m going to get you water.”
Kaydel watches Rose as she gets up and walks into the kitchen. Rey hates the tiny bit of jealousy that fills her stomach. Kaydel’s whole face is lit up, her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are soft and warm and full of love. 
Rey wants that. 
She just doesn’t have time for that. 
Relationships had never been something Rey was particularly good at. In high school, she wasn’t secure enough at home to have time for dating. Planning on whether or not she could go on a date seemed trivial when she had to worry about whether or not she was going to have to switch foster homes if she didn’t prove her worth or caused any problems.
Then in college, Rey had been so focused on keeping her scholarships and her grades, she just didn’t have time. The fact that she had been assigned to be Kaydel’s roommate had been one of her only saving graces for socialization. 
Now, she has her job. She can’t even make it to drinks with two of her best friends. She eats dinner after midnight. 
Dating just isn’t something that is going to fit in her life any time soon.
“You should go to sleep,” Kaydel points out. The concern in her voice becomes apparent as she continues. “You look exhausted. When are you going in tomorrow?”
“6:30?” Rey debates out loud, tilting her head side-to-side as she thinks. “Maybe 7. I need to stop at an ATM, or maybe an actual bank, and I’ll still need to get Amilyn’s coffee and bagel.”
“Why do you need to go to a bank?” Kaydel asks, curling up her lips. “I can’t even think of the last time I went to a bank.”
“I need $22. Exactly.” Rey answers, shrugging. “It’s a… long story and we definitely do not have time for it tonight.”
“Tomorrow then,” Kaydel demands, her eyes narrow and Rey knows that she means business. “Dinner. Even if it’s a late dinner. You can catch me up.”
Rey nods giving Kaydel a tight smile. “Sounds perfect.”
Kaydel returns Rey’s smile before standing up and walking toward the kitchen. Rey leans her head back against the couch, sighing as she closes her laptop. The list of things Rey knows that Amilyn is going to want her to do tomorrow is daunting. Kaydal may have said that it could be a late dinner, but for Kaydel that was 7, maybe 8, not 11 or 12. 
Maybe Rey will be able to sneak off for a little bit though. Grabbing her phone and laptop, Rey heads toward her bedroom, debating going through Amilyn’s calendar to see if she can move anything around to guarantee her an hour or so around dinner to be free.
That’s when she hears Kaydal scream. 
Rey quickly tosses her phone and laptop on her bed before running toward Kaydel’s room. Flinging the door open, Rey’s heart feels like it’s about to beat out of her chest. “What the hell--”
The question dies on Rey’s lips when her brain connects what is happening. Rose is still on one knee and Rey’s not sure she’s ever seen someone look so happy. Until she looks at Kaydel, who is holding her left hand over her heart.
They are getting engaged.
“I said no,” Kaydel blurts, but the smile and happiness in her voice give her away. “I’m just kidding. I said yes. Of course I said yes.”
“You guys are getting married?” Rey asks in a breath. She’s not shocked by the news. Rose and Kaydel have been together for two years and they were both crazy about the other. But it still is forcing Rey to imagine what life is going to be like when Kaydel is Rose’s wife and not her best friend and roommate.
Which is selfish and wrong and Rey knows that, but despite a lot of counseling, Rey is terrified of being left alone again.
She pushes those thoughts to the side. 
Rose and Kaydel are going to get married. Her best friend. She’s going to be happy for them. She is happy for them.
Kaydel walks over to her, holding out the ring. It’s gorgeous and fits Kaydel’s personality perfectly with the medium-sized, princess cut diamond and the white gold color. It’s sharp and fierce.
“I’m so happy for you, Kay,” Rey whispers, pulling her into her arms. “I’m so, so happy for you.”
***
Ben walks into his apartment quietly, careful not to wake Poe up. It's already… fuck it's past two. He undoes his tie before sliding his suit jacket off and beginning to undo his pants to kick them off while he makes his way to the fridge. 
The fridge light is bright in the otherwise dark room. There isn't a lot in the fridge, Ben understands now why Poe was sending him a grocery list worth of texts. 
He grabs a beer, twisting the lid off and tossing the lid in the trash.
"Hey," Poe says, scaring the fuck out of Ben. 
"Shit!" Ben exclaims, slamming the fridge shut. "Jesus, Poe. Make some noise next time."
“I said hey,” Poe laughs. “I don’t know how much more noise you need me to make.”
“What are you even doing up?” Ben grabs two beers from the fridge and walks over to the living room, sitting on the couch across from Poe.
“Couldn’t sleep,” Poe says with a shrug, taking the beer Ben is holding out. “You’re home late.”
“Yeah. Snoke needed me to start on his kid’s science project.”
Poe stares at Ben before shaking his head. “You need to quit your job man.”
“It’s not that bad,” Ben winces at how defensive he sounds. “It’ll be worth it in the end.”
“You’ve been saying that for a while.”
Poe isn’t necessarily wrong. When Ben first took the job with Snoke he imagined that it would only be for six months, maybe a year. 
“Yeah, Ben finally says, nodding in agreement. “I have. The job has its perks though, so I’ll probably stay until something better comes along.”
Poe sighs. “Perks? Like what, working on a twelve year old’s science project until two in the morning?”
“I also made a guy cry for not being able to get a stain out of one of his shirts today,” Ben smiles. “Really helps make me feel good inside.”
“Find a new job,” Poe says, standing up from the chair. “One that doesn’t involve working until 2 am, doing a kid’s homework, and making someone else cry in the same day.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Ben twists his fingers around the bottle in his hand. “We’ll see.”
***
Rey looks down at her phone to check the time. 10:37. She missed dinner with Kaydel and Rose. Not that either of them were surprised when she told them that she hadn’t been able to move enough things around to make it. Rey hates how predictable and unreliable she has become to her friends.
It will eventually be worth it. At least, she hopes that it will be worth it.
She has exactly $22 on her. All in quarters. It might be a little dramatic, but Rey feels justified every time she thinks of the way Ben had mentioned adding interest on to the amount.
Rey sees Ben as soon as she steps off the elevator. He has bright markers covering his desk and a giant poster board in front of him. Logically, she knows that he is probably working on his boss’s kid’s homework, and she is grateful at that moment that Amilyn doesn’t have kids and that those kinds of tasks aren’t even on Rey’s radar.
That doesn’t stop her from teasing him as she walks up to him.
“Making electricity out of lemons?” Rey asks, leaning over the desk a bit to get a look at what he is writing. “How original. I’m sure you’ll get first place with an idea like that.”
Ben turns his head to the slide and glares at her. “You’re late.”
“I was busy.”
“You’ll have to give me a minute to calculate the interest for your… what three hour delay.”
Rey rolls her eyes, reaching into her bag to pull out the bag of coins. Ben stares at the bag for a moment, before looking back at her. Rey smiles, carefully stacking up the quarters until there are twenty two even piles covering his desk.  “$22 exactly. You’ll have to sue me for the interest.”
“Quarters?” Ben looks down at the coins on his desk again. His face is annoyingly void of any outrage or shock, but his voice sounds lower than it had been before. “I should sue you for being a nuisance.”
“You didn’t state any terms as to the payment method beyond cash.” Rey’s smile grows as she watches him begin to slide the coins into a drawer. 
“I suppose I made a mistake not clarifying that by cash I meant dollar bills,” Ben admits. “But I also mentioned interest and you had no problem ignoring that, so I’m sure you’d have ignored that part too.”
“Probably,” Rey agrees. “Consider it your good luck that I didn’t have enough pennies to make it work that way.”
“Oh and I’m supposed to believe you had 88 quarters just lying around your place?” Ben finishes clearing off the quarters from his desk and closes the drawer. 
“No, I only had two dollars worth of quarters that I could find. I went to the bank for the other twenty.”
“Of course you did.” Ben laughs, shaking his head. “Next time I’ll be more specific.
Rey drops the empty bag into the garbage can next to her feet. “What makes you think there’ll be a next time?”
“Just a feeling.” Ben turns around in his chair, opening a cabinet door on the desk that ran along the wall behind him. He pulls out a bottle of alcohol. “Drink?”
“I’m still working.”
“It’s past ten,” Ben points out, setting the bottle on his desk. “Have anything better to do right now anyway?”
Rey doesn’t. She really doesn’t. Amilyn is going to be on this phone call for at least another hour and then she will either go home or start reviewing some of the submissions that have been stacking up in her email.
One drink really wouldn’t hurt. Ben’s smiling at her and it’s a little unfair that someone as annoying and frustrating as he has been is also very attractive at the same time.
“I guess not,” Rey says, sitting down in the chair on the other side of Ben’s desk. “But just one drink.”
***
Ben doesn’t say anything as Rey reaches for the bottle, pouring what he is pretty sure is her third drink into her cup. It’s well after midnight at this point, and neither Snoke or Rey’s boss had called for them or needed anything.
It’s nice, talking to Rey. She’s cute and passionate when she talks about her job. Her face is a little flushed from the alcohol. Ben can’t quite remember the last time he just talked to someone that he wasn’t related to or wasn’t Poe.
“Anyways, that’s what I want to do,” Rey continues, and Ben tries to remember what she had been talking about before he got lost in his own thoughts. “I want to write articles that matter. The ones that people read and are inspired to do something because of it.”
“Have you submitted any articles to your boss?” Ben asks.
“No,” Rey holds onto the vowel for a few seconds and shakes her head. “I haven’t, God, I haven’t actually written anything since I graduated. I never have time. Amilyn’s schedule isn’t very forgiving. When I’m not working, I normally just want to sleep. Or to have a conversation with someone who can’t just tell me what to do and expect me to do it. I don’t even know what it is like to have a social life anymore. I think this is the longest conversation I’ve had in months.”
“Same,” Ben gives her a small smile. “I was just thinking that. My days and nights consist of making Snoke’s life easier and doing what he wants. It doesn’t even feel like my life anymore.”
“I can’t believe I’m about to admit this,” Rey squints her eyes at Ben, as if she’s sizing him up. She takes another drink from her cup. “Sometimes I wish Amilyn had a… fuck, I wish she had a life. A boyfriend? More family events or friend events to attend? But she has been avoiding them for reasons I’m not going to even get into, but God, I just imagine all of the things I could do if she were busy doing things that aren’t work.”
“You could go on a date,” Ben responds, tipping his cup toward her.
“A date,” Rey huffs, shaking her head. “I can’t even think of the last time I went on a date. I can’t even make dinner with my roommate to celebrate her engagement.”
Rey looks down at her cup, watching the liquid move around as she swirled the glass. “Engagement,” Rey repeats, eyes wide. “I have no idea what I’m going to do to be able to make it to all of the events. I don’t think Amilyn is going to care that I have an engagement party to go to if it doesn’t fit into her schedule.”
“Snoke is the same way,” Ben taps a finger on the desk. “I missed my parents 30th anniversary a few months ago. I asked for it off and everything. I was almost out the door when Snoke grabbed me and said he needed an analysis on some new proposal he received and his normal analyst wasn’t answering his phone, and he told me to do it.”
“I get it,” Rey nods. “It sucks, but I get it.”
“You’d think we’d be able to do something about it,” Ben points out, his eyebrows knitting while he thinks. “I have access to basically Snoke’s entire life. I’m assuming it’s the same with you and Amilyn?” He pauses and waits for Rey’s response, she nods and he continues. “So in theory we should be able to coordinate their schedules to give us a break?”
Rey tilts her head to the side as she ponders what Ben is saying. “I mean, you’re right. In theory that would work. But I have to be available for all things scheduled that are work related, and Amilyn doesn’t have much of a personal life these days.”
Rey sits up straighter, her eyes widening slightly, a devious smile pulling at her lips. “Ben. The answer is so obvious.”
“The answer?” Ben asks with a small chuckle. 
“To our problem,” Rey says as if it’s obvious. “We Cyrano them. It’s perfect. We know everything about them. We know their schedules, their favorite foods and restaurants. We know what drives them crazy and irritates them. We can do this. And then when they are with each other… we can be free, Ben.”
“I’m not sure I’m really following you here.”
“We set them up.” Rey rolls her eyes. “It’s the perfect plan.”
“You’re drunk,” Ben points out, nodding his head down to the mostly empty bottle between them. “That would never work.”
“You’re wrong,” Rey says with a pointed nod. “But even if you are right, which you are not, because you are wrong, what’s the harm in trying?”
Ben doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. He finishes his drink, setting his empty glass next to Rey’s. 
“Maybe,” Ben concedes, “What’s your plan exactly? I don’t know that Snoke and Amilyn have ever even met and they’ve worked in the same building for years.”
“Leave it to me,” Rey’s grin is big and wide. “I’ll come up with something.”
“I’m not saying I’m agreeing to do this,” Ben clarifies, watching as Rey stands up and stretches, her shirt pulling up slightly as she raised her arms. 
“I know,” Rey says, grabbing her bag. “But you will. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Rey places her hand on his shoulder and squeezes it gently before she walks past him and then she’s gone. 
Ben opens the drawer that they shoved the change into and he smiles to himself. He’s not quite sure what he’s getting himself into, but he does know that if Rey really does come up with an idea to set their bosses up, which is probably a really terrible idea, he’s not sure he’s going to be able to tell her no. 
***
Rey brings Ben coffee the next morning. She assumes he likes it black with too much sweetener, and when he smiles after his first drink Rey feels a little smug for being able to figure it out. 
“Let’s go for a walk.” Rey says, grabbing his free hand and tugging on it. “I have a plan.”
Ben let’s her pull at his hand and stands up from his desk. “I only have twenty minutes before Snoke’s meeting ends.”
“Perfect.” Rey drops his hand, blushing slightly as she walks in front of him toward the elevator. “Just enough time to get some steps added to Amilyn’s watch and to fill you in on my absolute amazing plan that you are definitely going to be impressed by and will agree to.”
Ben laughs, smiling as he gets into the elevator and stands next to Rey. “We’ll see.”
The sun is bright and the air is already warm when they step outside. Rey has to walk a little bit faster than normal to keep up with Ben’s long strides. 
“So, tell me about this plan that is apparently so wonderful that you’re absolutely sure I’ll agree to it.”
“Okay, so it’s the same plan as last night,” Rey admits, taking a drink of her tea. “But I’ve thought about it more and I know that we can do this.”
Ben sighs, shaking his head. “I don’t know, Rey. We can’t just magically make our bosses like each other.”
“Sure we can,” Rey argues. “We get them to meet. Then we listen to them and their cues and go from there. That’s the beauty of this, Ben, we will know if things are going a little wrong and can adjust the plan accordingly.”
Ben stops walking and looks down at her. “You really think this will work?”
“I do.”
“How do you propose we get them to meet?” Ben shakes his head as he asks the question and Rey can see the lingering doubt on his face.
“I… I haven’t quite figured that part out yet,” Rey responds, quickly holding her hand up as Ben opens his mouth, she assumes to argue with her. “But I’ve seen a lot of romantic comedies and I can figure this out. Just give me a minute.”
They start walking again, back toward the building. Rey finishes her tea and tosses it into a garbage can. 
“I’ve got it!” Rey exclaims, as they step into the elevator. “We just need to get them in a small space, stuck for a few minutes, so that they have to talk to one another.”
“And how do you think we will pull that off?” 
Rey shakes her head, glaring at him. “Why do I have to figure out all the details?”
“This is your crazy plan,” Ben points out, pressing the button for his floor, and then Rey’s. “I’m not even sure I’m fully on board.”
“You are,” Rey smiles. “So, help with some of the details already. Are there any rooms that lock from the outside? Maybe we can ask maintenance? Do you think they’d think that was weird?”
Ben laughs, tipping his head back against the elevator wall. 
“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath. “I hate that I have an idea. The elevator. If we can get them both in the elevator, we can get Creepy Threepio to stop it.”
“Creepy Threepio?” Rey asks, scrunching her nose up. “Who is Creepy Threepio?”
“He works in maintenance,” Ben laughs. “He’s, well, he’s a bit creepy. But I think he’d do it. I’ll ask him today and let you know what he says.”
“What did I tell you?” Rey beams at him as the doors to the elevator open. “You’re totally on board.”
“I have a bad feeling about this,” Ben pinches the bridge of his nose. “But I’m willing to give it a shot.” 
Ben steps out of the elevator while holding his hand out to stop the doors from closing. “Hand me your phone so I can give you my number.”
Rey pulls her phone from her back jean pocket and unlocks it before handing it over to him. She watches as he puts in his number and hands the phone back to her.
“I’ll text you the details later,” he says, dropping his arm and the doors start to close. “I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this.”
The doors close and Rey grins sliding her phone back into her jeans. She can’t believe he agreed either.
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moononastring · 2 years
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Since November 2021, I started having what I like to call a slow spiral into an identity crisis. I don't care about my job, I don't care for much else. I feel like my time is never my own. I don't get motivated to do things and when I DO get motivated, I don't have time to act on that motivation. But when I do have time, I'm too tired to do anything and it becomes this cycle of wanting to do a thing and not being able to it then having the time and not wanting to do the thing.
One of the goals I wanted to start with the new year was to take my writing more seriously. Want to know how well that is going? Not at all. I'm stuck on the same chapter because it doesn't sound right and I hate it. I'm also not motivated to write it at all. I'm not inspired or excited. My original WIP ideas? Great! Until I sit down with an open document and realize "mmmm I'm excited but not enough to actually write it." So it goes back to: well, what the fuck do I want to do? I like to read. LOVE to read. Books are my life. I thought writing would be too but it's just...not fun. Is it something I even want to do? Or is it something I've always said and have nothing else going for me that I feel like it's something I want? I don't know.
Is it a discipline problem? Probably. Motivation is nothing without discipline but at the same time, I can't bring myself to care about much. I'm always tired and I want things to be easy. Putting in effort just doesn't seem worth it anymore lol. Which makes me feel like a failure even though I know I'm not. I just feel...empty. Books bring me joy. That's it. I enjoy planning for my bookstagram but then I'll see how beautiful other profiles are and just think to myself "why am I even trying hard, it's okay to keep it simple even if it's not so pretty" because I can't bring myself put in effort. I can't bring myself to put in effort for anything and I'm basically self-sabotaging. I've just been so checked out and I'm not sure how to check myself back in. I'm not excited about anything. Everything sounds too hard and I don't want to put in any effort. I am so burnt out of putting in effort for everything my whole life that I think my whole system is shutting down lol. Cue the brain fog and spiraling.
Happy Friday to me I guess.
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diesel-park · 5 years
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Welcome to Creating While Depressed hour with your host, @diesel-park
After spiralling all week, I woke up with motivation today. I got some shit done - YAY
I've found recently that writing shit down (aka journaling) helps me get thoughts out of my head so I can stop revisiting and rehashing them. But I have issues with committing, I guess - if I buy a dedicated journal, I won't use it (because using it, well, uses it, and pretty things are for looking at because if you use them then they'll be... used, ya know? You use them up and they aren't available to you forever) AND I won't write anywhere else because I have a dedicated journal, for writing in, even though I know I'll never write in it.
So I had to build my own solution or else I'd be stuck in that loop forever.
I've been writing on whatever paper is handy, which has worked because I've actually been writing. But I want to organize them (cuz I'm a library person and I get joy from organizational systems) so I can have them in one place, not leave them in my purse or strewn about the house, keep them somewhere so it's not obvious to Husband* what they are, and be able to take them to my psychiatrist if needed.
So I put together a binder with sheet protectors so I can just slip in whatever I've written, in date order. I won't have to fuss with the hole punch or sheets that are different sizes (cuz, to be frank, that would be yet another barrier to writing. "How am I going to hole punch this later? What words will I punch through? How did I punch the last one I wrote on this paper: near the top? Near the bottom? What if I put in a blank sheet and just staple this one to it - will I be able to read both sides?" UGH)
But I still want something encouraging to look at instead of a sterile, white binder. So I grabbed some stickers I have from The Latest Kate (look her up on FB or insta if you want an encouraging post in your timeline every so often - I have no idea if she's on here too), some patterned paper from the dollar store that I bought months ago, and some washi tape. Wrote myself a little note, and TADA look, you created something today, well done. Next you should make some lunch cuz that meatsack of yours needs some nourishment other than Hallowe'en candy.
Another part of being a library person is I am driven to help people when I can. So I'm posting this, in case it helps anyone else who struggles with similar issues.
*Side note just to clarify: Husband and I have very honest, open discussions about our mental health, and we are incredibly supportive of each other. He knows I'm down, and checks in periodically to make sure I'm not in danger. I haven't been actively suicidal since I was 13 (and he was the first person I told after; he encouraged me to talk to my Mom and get help, and I did) and I don't anticipate ever being suicidal again, but hey, brain juices, they do whatever they want amirite
[Image description: a letter-sized piece of blue paper is partially covered with two sheets of black and white text: the one in the top right corner is white x's and o's floating randomly on a black background, and the one in the lower left corner is illegible white cursive on a black background. There are two stickers from The Latest Kate: one is a pink and purple Pegasus with the words "you are a BADASS EVER ONWARDS" in pink against a purple background; the other is a purple and blue peacock with the words "The negative voice in your head is just another inconsequential asshole. No need to care, haters gonna hate." in purple against a light lilac background. There's a handwritten note on a dappled green post-it that says "Hey dude, You are doing OKAY" in black. These are all taped down with different washi tapes.]
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