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bropunzeling · 6 months

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Hi!! I'm totally in love with linger, thank you for your amazing work! I've bing-read all your stories and I LOVED them. Do you have any recs for other good Matthew/Leon fics from other authors? I'm officially hooked now :D

aw thank you anon! that's very kind of you. some deeply biased recs (as in, read anything they write but these are a few of my faves):

head above water by @msmargaretmurry (rivals to lovers, alternate version of the 2022-23 season): i mean, of course im gonna rec the og ratnovel. the interiority and unreliability? so well done. and matthew is so fucked in the head in this one (affectionate). the best part about finishing my latest long fic is now im in the right brain space that i can do a reread and im: excited

preference by @hopetorun (winner's room): i love weird lightly dubious but lightly not sex that then turns into an arrangement that then has all these undercurrents of feelings that bump up against other priorities and are only ever exacerbated by unexpected tenderness. per-son-al-ly! and no sex scene ever feels like a repetition of another, which is such a skill

pull me closer (we ain't ever getting older) by @ohtemporas (leon is at bc and matthew is at bu): as we all know i love the grossness of hooking up in college and this one TRULY delivers; i especially love the way rivals to lovers and the immense distance that a two year age gap becomes when one of you is a freshman are handled. as always the ending got me real fuckin good.

what you got is hard to find by void_fish (omegaverse; omega!leon): i owe some kind of intellectual debt to jay for showing me how fun omegaverse can be without all the trappings that sometimes get added, and god the ending of the first in this series still cracks me the fuck up every time i read it

and one less intensely biased rec (lol):

if you handed over your body by photovoltaic (2020 ASG weekend): people who can convey this much ambiguity and emotion in under 3k are so impressive to me, i think about this one a LOT. love something concise and dense and punchy.

#ask #fic recs

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asilcorner · 2 years

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I imagine chapters of each member of the family improving their relationship. One dedicated to Camilo and Mirabel, so that they can be as close as when they were 5 years old. One dedicated to Bruno and Camilo getting closer through their mutual love for acting and including Dolores who wants to see (not just listen) the next chapter of the ratnovels (I really love that headcanon). One of Luisa learning to relax, discovering what she likes to do in her free time.

Antonio translating every single thing the rats tell Bruno at the most random times, which mostly leads to one-liners and constant "we love you"s tumbling out of his mouth.

Isabela hanging out with Dolores, gossiping and dealing with the whole Mariano debacle in the most supportive ways.

JULIETA, PEPA AND BRUNO BEING TRIPLET SIBLING ENERGY.

Félix, Mirabel and Agustín bonding, no gift party.

No, SERIOUSLY, I really want the Triplet Energy, let them finish each others sentences like Bruno never even left. Make Julieta stuff an arepa in her siblings mouths when they start to argue. Let Bruno wave away a cloud that isn't even forming yet over Pepa's head. Have Pepa drag Bruno behind her by the scruff of his ruana into town. Bruno and Pepa trying to help Julieta in the kitchen only for him to burn his hands every other minute while Pepa is slapping Camilos hands away every other second.

Also Camilo hanging out with his mom in general, because that tea scene was adorable okay, give me more of that.

Okay, ALSO also Triplet Birthday after 10 years, shut up I'm not crying.

#asil answers #encanto #hi yes I am not okay

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msmargaretmurry · 3 months

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Anon doing ratnovel reread again - it's an absolute pleasure to (re)immerse myself in this world and these characters, and I know I'm not the only one who loves these extra little insights into haw-verse! Rereading it and knowing the general shape of Leon's side (poor guy with his soft little heart that he gave to Matthew and then...) makes it so much more hurty. Which I love. And speaking of (and I promise I won't bombard you with questions for each moment, probably, but I am still immersed in the feels), what is Leon's side of things when Matthew tells him to leave after the kiss?? Obviously he is heartbroken, but does he cry about it, is he very stoic German, does McDavid take on look at him and facepalm because he KNEW Leon was too much of a softie for this...?

Leon is an idiot.

Sitting in the back of the car back to the hotel, that’s all he can think. He is an idiot. He’s so fucking stupid.

He could think about other things. Matthew’s mouth against his, finally. The hot, desperate way he kissed back. That moment, lying together afterward, when Leon thought, stupidly, idiotically, that he was getting what he wanted. But if he thinks about those things, his hands start to shake and his stomach turns and he is not paying the clean-up fee for throwing up in an Uber, so he stays focused.

He’s an idiot.

He needs another shower, and he’s an idiot.

Not an idiot for thinking Matthew was feeling something even remotely similar to what he felt. No, he’s still painfully sure about that. An idiot for thinking Matthew felt enough — cared enough — to get the fuck over whatever the fuck is wrong with him long enough to have one honest moment. To think he'd see Leon putting himself out there and meet him halfway — not even halfway, a third of the way. A quarter of the way would have been enough.

At least it’s a short ride.

The hotel lobby is mostly empty at this hour, which Leon is grateful for as he stalks to the elevator, mashes the unlock on the digital key on his phone until it takes him to his floor. If he ran into a teammate right now— he can’t fathom having a conversation. He’s still burning so hot with humiliation that he can hardly see straight. The real world feels far away. Everything is white noise and his own stubborn heart still thudding in his ears.

He needs a shower. He still has Matthew’s come on him, under his clothes, drying on his stomach, sticking to his shirt. The sensation makes him want to puke, but he’s not doing that in a hotel elevator any more than he’s doing it in an Uber.

He’s such a fucking idiot.

In his room, he goes straight to the bathroom, stripping his clothes off with such determination that he pops a button off his shirt, then another as he yanks it off in frustration. He’ll care later, maybe. More likely he’ll just trash the whole shirt. He does not wait for the water to get hot, and cringes when he steps under the cold spray, but it doesn’t deter him from scrubbing himself clean. And it doesn’t take long to warm up. Faster than the water in Matthew’s shower warms up.

He is not going to cry.

Leon’s not an easy crier. He’s emotional, yeah, and he gets choked up easier than some guys, but it’s pretty rare that actual tears fall. But he’s got this tightness in his chest, this pressure behind his eyes, like there’s a dam inside him that wants to break. He rubs his hands over his face as water pours over him, streaming down his back and shoulders, hot enough now that it’s surely turning his skin red. Better than his skin being red from Matthew’s fingers digging into it. A sob tries to push its way up and out of his throat; he bites hard on the heel of his hand, turning it into a sharp, muffled sound.

And he shouldn’t care, he shouldn’t care about what Matthew is doing right now, but, fuck, Leon hopes he feels like shit. He hopes he’s still sitting there alone on his bed, staring at the t-shirt folded on his dresser, feeling like shit.

He presses his palms to his eyes, his breaths coming too fast and too short.

“Fuck,” he yells, the word swallowed up by the steam.

He’s such a fucking idiot.

If he could, he would stand in the shower until the water ran cold. But this is a hotel, so it’s not going to get cold. So instead he stands there until he can breathe without it catching in his throat. Until the pressure behind his eyes eases just enough that the danger of crying is no longer imminent. Until it hits him how fucking exhausted he is and suddenly all he wants is to lie down.

He shuts off the water, towels off, and goes to collapse onto his bed. He nearly steps on his phone on the way, so he scoops it up to take with him, but he doesn’t look at it yet. If Matthew hasn’t texted, it’ll make him want to throw up. If Matthew has texted, that might also make him want to throw up.

At least his life will be a lot less complicated now, he thinks, and that also makes him want to throw up.

He lays there miserably for who knows how long. He’s been miserable before, after losses, after breakups. The entire time they were getting swept in the conference finals last year while his ankle throbbed so badly he could hardly stand. Could hardly think. He wishes he had some kind of real physical injury right now to explain away how much he hurts inside. He’s been miserable before, but not like this.

He’s so tired, but he can’t sleep. The idea of sleeping feels completely foreign, like it’s something he’s never done before and might never do again.

He swallows his nausea and picks up his phone.

Are u still up, he texts Connor, knowing he won’t be. Connor goes to bed at a reasonable hour unless there’s a very good reason not to. He sits and stares at his phone for a few more minutes anyway, scrolling aimlessly through his texts without looking too closely at the conversation with Matthew. The temptation to tap in and backread is there, but he’s not masochistic enough for that. Masochistic enough to get himself into this mess, but not masochistic enough for that. If Matthew texted him right now, maybe. Maybe he’d open the conversation then. Who is he kidding — if Matthew texted right now with an apology, he’d take it. He’d forgive him so fucking fast. But it would have to be tonight. Maybe tomorrow. But only if it’s a real apology. Only if it acknowledges, even a little, that they were doing something real. If Matthew can’t do that, then there’s no point to any of this.

Leon squeezes his eyes closed. He’s not going to fucking cry. He squeezes his phone, willing a text to come through. Nothing.

He can’t fucking do this. He can’t lay here all night thinking about it. He’ll drive himself crazy.

It only takes a moment to find sweatpants, a t-shirt, slides — the bare minimum for leaving the hotel room. He stalks down the hallway and raps on Connor’s door. Hopefully it wakes him up the first time. Leon will keep knocking if he needs to, but he doesn’t want anyone else to hear and come ask him what he’s doing.

There is a long, excruciating minute before the door opens just enough for Connor, tousled and grumpy, to squint into the hallway at him.

“Leo?” he says. “What are you— what’s wrong?”

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Leon asks.

Maybe it’s the way his voice cracks, or maybe there’s something in the look on his face, but Connor’s brow creases and the sleepiness seems to dissipate.

“Yeah, come in,” he says, stepping back so Leon can do that. He’s wearing boxers and a t-shirt so old that there’s a big hole in one armpit. The ensemble makes him look strangely teenaged, like the shy, skinny kid Leon met when they first came into the league, and that for some reason makes him feel a little better about showing up pathetically in the middle of the night because some guy broke his heart.

Connor doesn’t turn on any lights, just crawls back into bed and turns the TV on with the remote. Leon follows, settling on top of the covers instead of under them. Clicking through channels, Connor eventually stops on one showing some sort of disaster action movie that Leon doesn’t recognize.

“Good enough,” Connor mutters. His eyes flick over to Leon. “What happened? You look like shit.”

“Feel like shit,” Leon says, trying for deadpan, but a lump rises up in his throat and all of a sudden he feels like crying again.

Connor looks at him for a long moment, the light from the television distorting the shadows on his face. “Weren’t you going to see Chucky tonight?”

“Yeah,” Leon croaks. He squeezes his eyes shut and is embarrassed to feel a hot tear slide down his cheek. Fuck. He scrubs it away, sniffling and sucking in a ragged breath. “Fuck, sorry.”

“Leo,” Connor says softly. “What happened?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Leon’s voice is tight, wobbly at the edges. “I just want to watch a movie.” Onscreen, some sort of storm is wreaking havoc. People are yelling, but the volume is down pretty low.

There’s another long pause.

“Okay,” Connor finally says. Then, hesitantly, “Do you want a hug?”

Leon kind of really fucking does, but he doesn’t want to open his mouth again, because he will definitely make some sort of awful crying sound. But Connor moves anyway, scooting up and over to wrap his arms around Leon’s shoulders. Leon slumps against him and tries to breathe through it, but the dam inside him feels like it’s about to crack down the middle.

Connor squeezes him, his cheek pressed to Leon’s damp hair.

“Just tell me if you want us to hate him now,” he says. “Because if he doesn’t want you, he’s an idiot.”

#ask #ratnovel #hockey for ts #i started to write a normal answer to this and then was like..... actually i think i just want to write this scene for real lol #hope this is a good answer to your question anon <3

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msmargaretmurry · 6 months

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thanks I will be thinking about this forever now too! we need the fic, becky

hello friend, i come belatedly answering this ask with a less belated but still slightly belated little birthday gift. hope you enjoy ❤

inspired by this fantastic fanart and, obviously, set in the haw universe. explicit/nsfw.

Lying on Matthew’s hotel bed, still buzzing off the adrenaline of winning a hockey game in front of 55,000 people, Leon grins up at the ceiling.

“I’m waiting,” he calls.

“You can wait,” Matthew says from behind the closed door of the bathroom. “I’m pissed at you, remember?”

“Be pissed at me out here,” Leon says, bouncing his heels on the mattress.

To be fair, Leon would also be pissed if he lost in front of 55,000 people, especially if all of those people loved booing him as much as the Oilers faithful love booing Matthew. He’d be pissed even if he had scored a pretty goal. Pretty sexy goal. Winning affords Leon the generosity to really appreciate a sexy goal.

“Come on, I’m getting lonely out here,” he says smugly.

The door finally opens. Leon sits up. Matthew steps out in his overalls and cowboy boots. Big white cowboy hat on his head. Big scowl on his face.

Leon smirks. “Hot.”

“Shut up,” Matthew says, like this isn’t his own fault. If he hadn’t sent Leon a picture of himself in the overalls getup before the game, Leon wouldn’t have had to text him, After I win youre wearing that for me later, and Matthew wouldn’t have texted back, Yeah ok IF you win. And Leon did win.

It’s early enough in the season that Matthew still has faint tan lines around his neck and upper arms. Leon wants to trace them with his tongue. He wants to sink his teeth into them and see if the marks turn different shades of red on the tan skin and the pale skin. At some point surely he’s going to stop feeling so crazy any time he looks at Matthew, but for now, especially now, with the win, the adrenaline, the animal part of his brain surges up every time. Mine.

“Okay, so,” Matthew says, awkwardly adjusting a denim strap over his shoulder. “You want a picture or what?”

“Not yet.” Leon slides to his feet to cross the room to him. Matthew makes a face, like he thinks Leon is going to make fun of him, but honestly it’s Matthew who should be making fun of Leon for being so into the stupid little outfit.

It’s not really the outfit, specifically. It’s Matthew’s shoulders on display, broad and strong. His sharp collarbones and the perfect, tempting dip of his throat. The hint of the hair on his chest peeking out of the top of the overalls bib and the knowledge of how it feels against Leon’s lips.

Leon tugs him in by the front of his overalls and kisses him, long and deep. Mine.

There's a bite to the way Matthew kisses Leon back. He’s not wound up way too tight like he would get after losses last season, but there’s still a tension there. A challenge. He’d been nervous, Leon knows — god knows Leon had been nervous, too — about how things would go when the new season started. The summer had been so good, even if their time together was far too short, an entire world away from their real lives. The preseason had been good, a meaningless win apiece and every possible stolen second of time together. But now the games matter again, and that C is still so heavy on Matthew’s chest. The points tonight were the same as the points in any other game, but the stage was so much bigger than usual.

But after the game, Matthew had texted first. And here they are.

“You played good,” Leon murmurs. He slides his hands up the edges of the overall bib, along the straps over Matthew’s chest, down again to where it scoops in at his sides, his fingertips barely tracing over the bare skin underneath. Matthew scoffs; playing well is cold comfort in a loss. It’s important for him to hear it anyway. Leon pulls him in by the fabric again, relishes the easy way Matthew’s mouth opens to his. He kisses Matthew until Matthew groans into it, the sound vibrating down Leon’s spine.

Leon maneuvers them until Matthew’s back is against a wall. It knocks the cowboy hat askew, and the stupid thing keeps bumping Leon’s head when they kiss, so he takes it off Matthew’s head and tosses it onto the bed.

“Hey, it’s not a look without the hat,” Matthew says. Leon cares more about his kissed-red mouth than the complaint. Matthew shaved before the game, theoretically for the look, but even money says it was also in anticipation of how sensitive his freshly clean-shaven skin is to the bristle of Leon’s beard.

“Trust me, it’s still a look,” Leon says, sliding a hand into Matthew’s hair. So easy to tangle his fingers in the curls, like they were made for him to hold onto. It’s warm in the hotel, but he swears he can taste the cold air of Commonwealth Stadium on Matthew’s cheek as he drags a bristly kiss across it. Matthew’s jaw, his ear, his temple. Matthew squirms, laughs hoarsely, hooks his fingers into the waistband of Leon’s joggers and pulls him in so their bodies are flush together. Matthew pressed to the wall, Leon pressed to Matthew. Leon only has maybe half an inch and a few pounds on him, and yet somehow it feels easy to box him in like this when they’re alone, when he’s so willing to let Leon take the lead. Not like when they’re on the ice, when he’s throwing elbows, poking stick-butts into ribs, finding and getting on every last nerve. But Leon loves him out there, too. The fight out there makes the easy in here that much more worth it.

“I missed you,” Matthew sighs. His eyes are closed, head tilted back from the tug of Leon’s hand in his hair. Leon lets his fingers fall free to cup Matthew’s face instead, tilting his chin into another kiss. Softer, slower. He finds one of the buckles on the front of the overalls and works it open one-handed. The strap falls away; the bib would fall half-open if it weren’t held up by the way they’re pressed together. “Should have made you wear your stupid jumpsuit.”

“Mmm, shouldn’t have lost, then.” The jumpsuits were fun, but, in Leon’s opinion, would put way too much work between his skin and Matthew’s. Not like the overalls, serving Matthew up like a buffet.

“God, you’re insufferable,” Matthew says, but turns his head to give Leon access as he moves his mouth to Matthew’s neck.

He thumbs open one, two buttons at Matthew’s hip and snakes his hand into the overalls, expecting to find underwear to deal with and instead finding nothing. Just his palm sliding over Matthew’s happy trail, finding Matthew’s erection pressed against the inside of the denim. It’s wet at the tip, hot and hard in Leon’s hand. Matthew makes a guttural noise when Leon touches him that sounds like how the primal urge in Leon feels. Mine.

“Yeah?” he breathes against the hinge of Matthew’s jaw, against the thrum of Matthew’s pulse. “You want this?”

“Obviously.” The word catches in Matthew’s throat as his hips hitch into Leon’s hand. “Please.”

Leon strokes him slow and steady. No need to rush. It would be better with some spit or lube, but he doesn’t want to pull away long enough to make that happen. And besides, he likes really being able to feel Matthew’s cock in his hand: the soft, soft skin, the warm pulse of blood, delicate contours of the head and the wetness in the slit as precome beads out. Matthew moans, quietly and then less quietly, but he doesn’t try to take more than Leon gives him. Leon loves when he’s like this, trusting, taking so beautifully. It’s greedy of him, maybe, but he loves the time it gives him with Matthew’s body. Like now, scraping teeth down his neck, tasting the sharp ridge of his clavicle. Following the constellation of moles across his throat, biting into the flexing muscle of his shoulder and getting a perfect sweet groan in response. His own dick twitches at the sound, but they can deal with that soon enough.

When Matthew’s breaths start coming hard through his nose, Leon speeds his hand up, just a little. Sometimes he might not, to drag it out as long as possible, but there’s so much more he wants to do tonight. Matthew pants, and Leon sucks kisses into his chest, drags his tongue along the edge of the denim strap that’s still attached over his left shoulder. There’s a buckle on it, a tang of metal. He gets his free hand under the back of the overalls, splayed between Matthew’s shoulder blades, holding him up when his knees start to buckle.

“Come on,” Leon urges with his mouth on Matthew’s neck. “Come on, let me feel you.”

“Oh, fuck,” Matthew says, “oh, fuck, fuck,” and comes in Leon’s hand, all over the inside of the overalls. Leon strokes him through it until he shudders, oversensitive, then pulls his hand out to wipe it on the front of the bib.

“Fuck,” Matthew breathes again. He nudges his chin against Leon’s head, seeking a kiss that of course Leon gives him. A brief, wanting, bite of a kiss that says that as soon as Matthew catches his breath, he’s got plenty more in him. Good, because Leon’s so turned on he feels a little unsteady. They can take a minute, though. Gives him a chance to admire his handiwork. Matthew’s throat and chest are a mottled patchwork of pink beard burn and deep red hickeys. Teeth marks in his shoulder that’ll be purpling by morning. He doesn’t own a single shirt that’ll hide all of it.

Usually Leon would be more careful. But it’s a special occasion.

“God,” Matthew says. He’s caught Leon looking, and is now walking careful fingers over the tender marks. “How bad did you fuck me up?”

“Pretty bad. Only a little sorry, though.”

Matthew huffs a laugh, his head lolling back against the wall. Between the hickeys, the half-undone overalls, the dark patch at his crotch and the come smeared down his front, he’s an image that’s going to be burned into Leon’s brain for a long time. He looks at Leon through lidded eyes, his smile warm and lazy. “Only a little forgiven, then.”

“I can make it up to you,” Leon says, tugging him in by the unbuttoned hip of the overalls. Matthew hums into the kiss.

“Take me to bed and I’ll forgive you right now,” he says.

“Tough but fair.” Leon grins. “I want my picture first though.”

#ask #ratnovel #matthew and leon #my fic #hockey for ts

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msmargaretmurry · 4 months

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I'm so sorry, this is totally not in response to the compliment post you reblogged (I'm afraid I can only compliment you un-ominously, you are my favourite author in the mattdrai fandom and ily ❤️)

but I've been meaning to send you this ask for the last two days and I can't wait any longer, I HAVE to know!! I know you're a busy person - so feel free to ignore this or answer it when you have time or keep your response really short!

So. I'm doing my quarterly HAW reread right now and I have two new questions that I think (?) I never asked you before.

during the scene in the dressing room of the gym, what are leon's thoughts? matthew is obviously a little ... affected by unexpected physical contact but I'm wondering about leon. is he only thinking "what a weirdo" or if he's taken aback by his own reaction too? what is going through his mind? please tell meeeeee!

when is the first time leon puts on matthew's shirt at home and in what context? does he already have feelings for Matthew? what is he thinking when he does it? when is the first time he wears it in front of his teammates and do they call him out on his non-existent connection to st. louis? I need more details about this soooo badly.

THANK YOU!

my dear miriam, i am always accepting non-ominous compliments 😂❤ thank you, ily. please find the answers to your inquiries under the cut.

1) the scene in the dressing room at the gym — both of them are such messes in this scene, lmao. matthew is being a dick because he's in a mood, and leon is confused and annoyed and also coming off as a dick, especially as seen through matthew's pov, who is just assuming the worst of leon's opinion of him at every turn and reading every hint of brusqueness or sarcasm as plain old dislike.

leading up to this scene, leon's been in toronto for a few days. he's mostly having a pretty good time, hanging out with connor, seeing some of the other guys, etc. connor keeps ribbing him that he should talk to matthew; leon keeps rolling his eyes and saying he's not interested anymore, which isn't NOT true, but mostly the thing is that matthew has never shown any real interest in leon, which has wounded leon's pride and therefore he has decided he's not interested anymore. (connor doesn't 100% believe him when he says he's not interested anymore, but mostly he just doesn't care if leon is lying or not because it's fun to tease him.)

anyway on this particular day he's partly kind of in a bad mood because his ankle is bothering him, and partly kind of in a bad mood because he feels a little like he's being made fun of, between matthew's instagram antics and how brady keeps coming to talk to him and connor. he's feeling a little paranoid that maybe someone overheard one of connor's teasing comments and told the tkachuks about it and now matthew thinks leon actively has a thing for him. which, even if he did, connor has earned the right to tease leon about stuff like that. matthew has not. and connor has always said matthew's a nice enough guy off the ice but he's been kind of standoffish the whole time leon's been here, and leon isn't going to automatically take it personally like SOME people, but it is making him wary!

so he sees matthew head into the locker room and is maybe staring after him a little obviously, and connor is teasing him like, hey, seems like a great chance to go talk to him, and leon is in just a grumpy enough mood to be like, fine, i'll go talk to him, and it's going to go badly, and then you can get off my back about it, right? and he stalks over there trying the whole way to think of something normal to say, but it does not work, so he gets into the locker room and just kind of blurts the first thing in his head, and the conversation stumbles and faceplants from there.

the thing is, if they'd had this conversation on a different day, when leon was in a better mood and matthew was maybe a little less in his own head, it probably would have gone much better. maybe leon would even have tried flirting a little (or a lot). as it is, even with the collective moodiness of both of them, he still has the urge to flirt a little — which is SO annoying, because of course connor is right and he's still interested. extremely annoying thing to have to admit to yourself when the guy in question is standing there outwardly being a dick to you. it makes him determined to not let matthew wind him up, which of course gets him more wound up, which is how he ends up grabbing matthew by the wrist. there is definitely a moment when they're standing there like that where he has this flash of a vision in his head like: what if this sexual tension is mutual, and he kisses matthew right now, hard enough to bruise, and they just have wild nasty sex right there in the locker room.

but obviously this does not happen 😂 he wouldn't have tried it even if connor hadn't come in, he still would have just gone home annoyed about the fact that he is apparently definitely still into matthew tkachuk, even when matthew is being a dick. (this encounter is also a big part of why he's so wary and put-upon when he runs into matthew at boots, lol.)

so that is that!!

2) leon and matthew's shirt from boots — so obviously leon wears it for the rest of that night at the festival, and then shoves it in his bag with his other dirty clothes, washes it when he gets home, kind of ignores it for the rest of the summer because he feels very weird about how things went down in that rv, but does grab it when he packs for edmonton just in case matthew wants it back at some point. because he has already decided he needs to talk to matthew, so if matthew wants the shirt back, he wants to have it on hand.

he doesn't actually start wearing it until after the first time matthew comes over to his house, because at that point he figures if matthew wanted it back he'd've asked for it. his matthew feelings aren't super strong at that point but they are like — they're there, he's not in denial about that. it's not a big moment or anything, he's just grabbing something to change into to bum around the house for the rest of the evening, and it's there, and he's like… sure, i could wear this.

he does not expect to get in his feelings about it, but as he's lying around with bowie that night he does get a little in his feelings about it, because he keeps thinking maybe he'll send matthew a selfie of him wearing it and then chickening out. he's weirdly nervous about it! and that forces him to think about why he's nervous, which forces him to acknowledge that he doesn't just have feelings, he's actually pretty invested in what they're doing, and he'd be really bummed out if matthew wasn't also invested. "selfie in your clothes" feels like real relationship behavior, so maybe he'll just save that for when he's a little more sure that matthew is on the same page as he is.

the first time he wears it in front of his non-connor teammates is when the oilers take a roadtrip to st. louis 😂 they chirp him about being a tourist. but after that he can wear it whenever he wants! everyone thinks he just bought it in st. louis!

i hope these were satisfactory answers to your questions!! i'm glad you're still enjoying the fic ❤❤

#ask #matthew and leon #ratnovel #hockey for ts

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msmargaretmurry · 4 months

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Well now you’ve got ME in all my HAW feels again (time for a reread!) and I’m wondering at what point Leon realized he’d fallen for Matthew for real (and also at what point he actually fell for Matthew, even if he didn’t realize it at the time.) I love ratnovel 🥲

aww thank you anon <3 the whole falling for matthew thing was a real process for leon in haw, i will babble about it a bit under the cut because that sounds way more fun than doing my job on this snowy snowy day.

so as previously discussed, at the beginning of the fic leon is in this place where he's like, he was kind of interested in matthew as a guy to potentially hook up with, and then decided he totally wasn't interested anymore almost entirely because it never seemed like matthew was interested and that hurt his pride as a noted hot bitch lmao. then during the training montage he was physically confronted with the fact that, yeah, unfortunately he would still hit that. he is pretty resigned to this being a lost cause, but then they run into each other at boots, and in the space of that encounter he starts to think maybe it could happen! and then the bj in the rv happens and it throws him SO off wrt his perpections and expectations of matthew.

he thinks a LOT about matthew in the stretch between boots and messaging him on insta before the preseason game, mostly just because — he doesn't know what happened? he thought things were going pretty well, for a given definition of "pretty well," you know, whatever. he can't stop thinking about that wall matthew slammed up after the blowjob, and in retrospect he feels like maybe something was a little off about him the whole time? he's seen matthew off the ice before and he never really had the… abrasive edge he's had this summer, maybe? he doesn't know the guy well enough to figure it out, but he feels both guilty and a little guiltily interested. and also obviously he thinks about it a lot because it was hot.

and then there's the hookup in the hotel at the preseason game, which is hugely reassuring — he's thinking, okay, matthew IS into this, and maybe he's just embarrassed about/uncomfortable with the things he's into? or something? but he's clearly willing to do stuff with leon anyway, and leon is like… well, this is not usually the kind of sex he has, but it's hot, and also he's really, really interested in pushing matthew's buttons. he has no read on if matthew is into him specifically or if he's just convenient, but he's kind of okay with it either way at that point. well, he'd prefer for matthew to be into him specifically, but it is what it is. matthew is the one who gave leon his number, so there's clearly something there.

then there's some flirting via text, etc, and matthew texts after the first flames/oilers game for leon to come fuck him, and leon thinks, oh okay so this is just going to be a thing where we sleep together when we're in the same place. he's cool with that, he's into matthew, he thinks this could be fun. but then the sex is the way that it is (not not good, but very intense and pretty fraught) and now he definitely thinks there's something wrong with matthew. not because he wants rough sex, but because of how he acts about it and acts afterward.

the way i characterize leon (in haw and in general, mostly) is that he really is a big softie — he's at his prickliest when he feels vulnerable, like his soft underbelly is showing, or is being protective of people he cares about. one way this manifests is he tends toward being soft with people he sleeps with even if they don't have a close relationship. it's not lost on him that matthew is clearly upset about something and he's decided that leon is a space where he can try to deal with that, but unfortunately leon is not immune to just a little bit of "i can fix him" disease.

over the next few weeks of texting and sexting is when he really develops a crush, and by the time matthew comes over to his place for that hookup he is definitely trying not to tip his hand that he has a little crush. it's to the point where after the game he texts matthew about johnny's injury to try to make sure the shitty game doesn't fuck things up between them. by the time matthew's texting from the club on his birthday, leon has accepted the fact that he actively likes the guy even though he's really not sure how matthew feels about him, and by christmas when matthew sends him that selfie in leon's t-shirt from boots, he's almost positive that the things he's feeling are mutual. but he knows that matthew is fucked up about some stuff, and that stuff definitely affects how he is with leon, so he keeps telling himself he's going to be careful about it and try not to push until he's really sure. but he wants to kiss matthew so bad.

and then there's the nye facetime, which, to finally actually answer your question, is when leon is really like, "oh, fuck, i'm down so bad. fuck i really have feelings." he's laying in bed thinking about matthew, because at midnight when everyone was kissing he thought about matthew, and how he would have liked to kiss matthew at midnight, and he hasn't been able to stop thinking about him since. so he's laying there thinking about how badly he wants to see him, how much he wants to kiss him, trying to do the drunk math in his head to when they see each other again, because next time they see each other, maybe leon can kiss him. maybe they can finally start treating this like something real. he's almost positive matthew feels the same. if he calls and matthew picks up and talks to him, that probably means he feels the same. maybe what he really needs to know is that leon feels the same. maybe leon just has to be brave enough to make the first move.

#ask #ratnovel #hockey for ts #i really wanted to get to this ask and the other haw ask in my inbox this weekend but i was simply beset by life tasks!!#thankfully that is what time theft is for <3

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msmargaretmurry · 9 months

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this is for keeps 6.8k | matthew and leon in st. louis, one year later.

happy one year anniversary to head above water! i have had such fun sharing this universe with you all over the past year, and am still always so flattered and grateful about how lovely people's reactions to the story have been, from the comments to the tumblr messages to the amazing creative projects. to celebrate the anniversary, i wanted to write something short and sweet about matthew and leon navigating their relationship a year-ish after the events of the original story. it's not much, but i hope you all enjoy it. ❤

#ratnovel #my fic #matthew and leon #hockey for ts

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msmargaretmurry · 3 months

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Further ratnovel questions (I hope you don't feel pressure to respond to all these, but if you're still enjoying talking about it, I'm very much enjoying hearing about it!) - what is going through Leon's head at the ASG? Before/during/after the hookup? And does he ever learn what happened with Matthew after he kicked him out of the room? Poor both of them! Talk about rock bottom

oooh this is a fun question! i got some comments being mad at leon for that part, which is fair! but imo he deserved a chance to act out a little after everything he'd been through 😂

eta: i just realized i didn't answer the second part of your question! added a bit about that at the end of the post ❤

obviously he has been avoiding matthew so much for the whole all star weekend. he's still heartbroken, he's still sad and mad about it, but he'd had time to steel himself for it and he's determined to still have a good weekend. in his mind, it's over. him and matthew are over. matthew made his choice, and leon knows he can't handle being with matthew if he keeps that wall up, so it's over and they both just have to deal with it.

so he is DEEPLY unhappy when he winds up in an elevator with matthew, but he's like, okay it's just for like thirty second, it'll be fine. but then matthew tries to talk to him. says he misses him. and leon's pissed about it, but he still cares about matthew, and matthew sounds so genuinely hurt and confused, so leon's like — fuck it. it's too hard to say no when matthew's right in front of him.

the thing is, he really is thinking in the moment that maybe hooking up again will fix it. matthew lets leon kiss him, he clutches at leon like he really did miss him; maybe they can do this and go back to — not how things were, but maybe they can go back to being together, understanding what they want a little better, and it'll all be good enough. but he's still so sad and mad about how matthew treated him before, and he just can't shake that feeling. when he gets back up after sucking matthew off and they're kissing again, he just abruptly can't stand the thought of letting matthew make him vulnerable again, and he doesn't want matthew to touch him, and both of those feelings grip him so suddenly that he feels almost panicked about it, and that's when he pulls away and kicks matthew out.

he knows he's being a dick. he tells himself, while he's doing it, that he doesn't care that he's being a dick. it has to happen. he's allowed to choose himself. matthew always chooses himself. so matthew leaves. and leon feels so shitty about it, so guilty about it, because he knows matthew probably isn't going to handle it well, and he doesn't even feel any better having done it, but he just keeps telling himself that it had to happen. matthew wants leon to fuck him, but he doesn't want leon, so it had to happen. he's allowed to choose himself.

re: does he ever learn what happened with matthew after he kicked him out of the room — yes, mostly! matthew never like, gives him a play-by-play, but they do talk about matthew coming out to brady afterward, and matthew definitely mentions that he was really fucked up about it. i don't have an exact timeline for this conversation but it probably comes out a little bit in their phone conversations through the rest of the season, and then is also something they talk about on their vacation that summer.

#ask #ratnovel #hockey for ts #sorry also to you that this took a couple days!!#also i'm glad you liked the leon pov post-kiss scene! ty for the nice message about it <3

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msmargaretmurry · 19 days

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You know, I respected, appreciated, adored learning about the Sean-Johnny of it all in HAW, but I wasn't entirely sure where the ship came from. And now I see that Sean-Johnny hug. And. Wow. Yeah. I. I get it. Yep.

ohhh anon! i totally get not knowing the johnny/monny lore, since i know a lot of people came to HAW just as matthew/leon fans or newer hockey fans, but i must tell you that for a good while closer to the beginning of their careers they were The bromance on the flames and one of the The Duos of the NHL. obviously there is the hug from the last playoff series the flames won with them on the team (which ftr made johnny's mom cry), but there is lots of content out there of them just being goofy young guys together and just in general being joined at the hip. here is their linemate at the time's dogs in johnny and monny shirseys. please also consider the size difference. here are a couple of articles about them being good buddies. also if you're not familiar with boring sean monahan, that is definitely a piece of hockey lore worth knowing.

anyway tl;dr that is where the ship comes from 😂 i'm glad to get to share it with you!! ❤

#ask #ratnovel #hockey for ts #other anons who have messaged me i promise i will get to u. i appreciate u all i am just so swamped with grad school rn 💀

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msmargaretmurry · 3 months

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I am loving all this haw lore! I'm wondering, at this point in the hawniverse, how many people know that Matthew is 1) in a relationship 2) with a man 3) who is Leon Draisaitl? And also when do they tell people/people start figuring it out? (At the end, McDavid and Hyman have some idea, right?) Thank you for sharing all of these details :D

hi anon, thank you, i'm glad you're enjoying it! ❤

by "at this point" i'm going to assume you mean up the the latest point that i've written, which is the one-year-later timestamp (which on the calendar would be summer 2023 but not the REAL summer 2023, y'know? the hawniverse summer 2023) so here is a brief timeline from the end of haw up to that point:

mcdavid and hyman know pretty much from the end of the fic, connor more than hyman, because connor kind of knew before anyway and leon REALLY needs someone to talk to after the events of the last chapter and connor is his sounding board for most things. hyman gets a more brief explanation because leon feels like he is owed one after the matthew encounter at leon's house, not a lot of details but enough that he knows there's a relationship there.

obviously matthew tells brady and taryn he has a boyfriend at the very end of the fic, but they don't know that it's leon until later.

matthew comes out to his parents over the summer and does tell them he's seeing someone, but doesn't tell them who yet. (leon does the same with his family, except he does explain the whole "it's another guy in the league and i'm not telling you who because i want to respect his privacy until he's ready to tell people" thing)

at the beginning of the next season matthew tells his close friends on the flames that he's seeing a guy, but not who it is yet.

matthew does the big identity reveal to his fam at christmas, because he and leon are planning a post-asg vacation together and he doesn't want to have to be all secretive about it. leon tells his parents shortly after, before the next oilers/flames game when he and matthew can facetime them together.

matthew tells his close teammates on the flames that it's leon after the asg, when he has plenty of vacation pictures for proof lmao

after that is it kind of a slow trickle of sharing the information on a need-to-know/it-feels-right basis. matthew's uncle-agent and grandparents also know at this point, his close friends like rob thomas and auston know (he wasn't kidding that it would be hard to keep a secret, lol); leon's sister and brother-in-law know, and a handful of his close friends and teammates. it's a small but not SUPER small group, which means they definitely have some spaces where they can just exist as a couple together, which is initially kind of anxiety-inducing for matthew but eventually really nice ❤

#ask #ratnovel #hockey for ts

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msmargaretmurry · 1 month

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With regard to haw and the Sean-Johnny-Mer of it all, do you envision Matthew ever finding out, and if so, when/how?

honestly i didn't really think about that part! they are so content just quietly living their lives without anyone butting in, lol. i suppose it would probably come out eventually -- i can see, after matthew starts being open (within a select circle) about his relationship with leon, eventually having a little heart to heart with johnny about what all had him so fucked up that one season, which does include how he saw johnny as someone who was growing up and settling down the "correct" way with no problems or anything! and johnny would be like, ah, well, we're not-- actually 100% conventional. because he would feel very guilty not telling matthew at that point. so maybe it would happen like that! or maybe at some point they just start to assume matthew knows and johnny and/or mer casually kisses sean on the mouth on front of him, lmao.

#ask #ratnovel #hockey for ts

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msmargaretmurry · 3 months

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i’m rereading/listening to the head above water podfic and omggggg i love this fic so much!! how did matthew coming out to the tkachuk parents go?

hi anon! thank you so much, i'm so glad you're having run rereading/listening ❤

i touched a tiny bit on how the coming out to the tkachuk parents went in the one-year-later timestamp, if you haven't read that, but here are some extra little bonus details that didn't make it in:

obviously it's pretty scary for matthew! he doesn't think his parents are going to disown him or anything but he really doesn't know what to expect in terms of reactions. like, he decides he's gonna do it and then it still takes him at least a week to pull the trigger. lots of talking through his feelings about it over facetime with leon! that's how he decides that he's going to come out but not share all the details of his relationship yet. part of the reason this whole this has been hard for him is because his family is a family that really doesn't have secrets from each other, so he was feeling like if he spilled part one (gay) then he would have to spill part two (leon), but talking through it helps him realize he doesn't have to!

so he picks a day they're all supposed to have dinner at home together, and he tells brady and taryn he's gonna do it, and together they all decide that the best thing to do would be for brady and taryn to clear out of the house but be close enough that they can reappear for moral support as soon as matthew texts them that it's done. so they do that, and matthew shows up a little early to be like "hey can i talk to you guys about something before dinner."

and it goes okay! keith is more surprised than chantal but neither of them are as shocked at matthew was braced for. (keith, i think, did not suspect a thing but as soon as matthew says it, a lot of things just kind of click, and he's like oooohhhhhhh. chantal had a tiny suspicion but not big enough to ever say anything.) mostly they've just been really worried about him and want to know if this is what's been bothering him! and they're relieved to have an answer! and they're also worried about how he's going to handle it going forward, and how he's going to handle it wrt his career, they're very like, okay but you can talk to us!! we can help!! we'll probably have to do some adjusting but we promise we'll do our best!! like the long and short of it really is that that's their baby boy and they love him. they're not going to handly every part of it perfectly and they might say some dumb stuff while they're learning but they love him so much.

toward the end of the conversation chantal asks him if there's anyone special in his life, and matthew is like, there is, and it's an important relationship to me, but i think i'm going to keep it private a little longer before we share it with anyone, is that okay? and his parents are clearly a little disappointed and hurt by that but they rally and hug him and say they hope he'll feel comfortable telling them soon. and then keith is like "okay i'm hungry, you can tell your brother and sister to come back now so we can eat" because, you know, really not subtle the way they conveniently disappeared 😂

and that's it!! ❤

#ask #ratnovel #hockey for ts #sorry this took me a few days to get to anon! <3

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msmargaretmurry · 3 months

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other anon is making me wonder when/how haw Leon came out to his family, and how that went!

hi anon! thank you for the question! ❤

leon's been out to his family since he was a teenager! he told them when he was home for the summer after his first year away in juniors and it was simply not very dramatic at all. he had a sweet little summer boyfriend and he didn't feel like hiding it, and also didn't think he needed to hide it from his parents, because he figured that at worst they'd just be mildly embarrassing about it. obviously his parents shared some of the same concerns as keith and chantal wrt like, professional hockey [in north america] being a tough place to be gay [i actually have no idea if there are out gay players in any euro league — would love to know, if anyone does know?] but because leon is younger and NOT a mess about it, they're mostly just like, okay, we love and support you, we will help you navigate this as best we can! imo it is pretty illustrative of why he and matthew misinterpret each other so badly for so much of haw, they are coming to their situationship from totally different relationships with their own sexualities.

#ask #ratnovel #hockey for ts

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msmargaretmurry · 3 months

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Anon who has just finished the HAW + extras reread, once again, thank you for this story and all the additional looks into your world, it has been a delight to read along like this! And one final round of questions - were there any scenes, moments, details, that you wanted to include in the main fic or in the sequels but didn't? and/or what was the experience like (for Matthew or Leon) of meeting Leon's family for the first time? I'm gonna miss these little guys with their big feelings, but I know I'll be back!

hi anon! thank you so much for your kind words throughout your reread! i'm so glad you enjoyed it ❤

re: things i wanted to include but didn't — this is a tough one because i don't... think so? i talked a little about wanting to include more about what's going on with leon and deciding against it, which i guess kind of counts. i have a super long dump doc for this fic (69 pages, nice) but honestly it's all just versions of scenes that didn't work or slightly tweaked paragraphs i threw in there because i didn't want to lose the wording, in case i changed my mind later. some things that i wrote but didn't end up including are that i originally had matthew and leon facetiming instead of texting while matthew was home for christmas, and originally had them having a phone conversation between the kiss(tm) and the asg. but that's not stuff i wish i could have included, it's stuff i reworked because it wasn't working! i honestly don't think i have stuff i really wanted to include but didn't!

re: meeting leon's family — a rare occasion that's more stressful for leon than for matthew, haha. something about being an ocean away, with people who have very little prior conception or expectations of him as a person makes things a lot easier. he's nervous, of course, but he's a polite young man, good with parents! he's not out of his depth for once! meanwhile leon is pretty stressed because he likes matthew SO MUCH and he really wants everything to go well! he wants matthew to like his family and for his family to like matthew and for matthew to like germany! and he does and they do and he does :) i'm very dedicated to them not having a lot of drama after the gauntlet i put them though. they get everything they want now imo ❤

#ask #ratnovel #hockey for ts

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