#i wish i was like all my healthy peers :((( whatever it is what it is and life fkn sucks byeee | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

olderthannetfic · 1 month

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Maybe it's because I'm neurodivergent, but something I don't get is when people bring up that it used to be that nobody got comments, we use to post in formats where no one could comment, it used to be that people posted fic and you didn't even know how many hits you got, etc. and seem to be proud of how much they don't care about comments and hits.

And I get it. It's unhealthy to like comments or hits. But I don't know if that means it's inherently more healthy to not like them. I certainly don't think it's healthy to see people say, "I wish someone commented on my stuff" and go, "back in MY day we weren't PARASOCIAL LOSERS who used fandom as SOCIAL MEDIA! We understood that fandom was about TRUE ART and TRUE ART doesn't involve others!" because... it just feels like, to me, it shouldn't bother people? If you're really, truly happy with your fandom experience that didn't involve talking to others, why would you then talk to others, even to tell them they're wrong? If silence is golden, why would you ruin it?

And before anyone goes "typical stupid Gen Z kid, wanting fandom to be social media": I quit writing three years ago, I'm not parasocially attempting to use fandom to talk to people.

Is this something people in general say, or is it something that one True Art anon with serious emotional issues says?

There's nothing parasocial about commenting on people's fanfic. The only way that would be true is if you're so influencer-poisoned that you think popular fic writers are internet celebrities totally separate from their audiences. In fact, fanfic writers and readers, popular and unpopular, are peers. The people who try to give themselves airs suck and are best avoided.

In oldschool spaces, we most certainly talked to people whose fic we liked so that we could make friends with them. Actual friends. Not some weird cult around a youtuber.

It's also not at all unhealthy to like comments and hits: It's unhealthy to obsess over them.

People who've been in fandom for decades will confirm that the ratio of hits or zine sales or whatever to good feedback was always terrible and so fixating on stats like that will just depress you. Trying to "fix" it is futile. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have an emotional reaction. An emotional reaction is inevitable. It's just that realistic context will make the situation feel less personal.

Anon... true fandom olds bitch about modern social media bullshit because it represents a loss of community.

Actual community is the opposite of parasocial.

You need to hang out with better people if this weird shit is what you're seeing.

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luveline · 1 year

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i am obsessed with your kisses before dinner au, do you think you can maybe write something about what it’s like when the new baby is born or maybe how the older kids reacted to becoming siblings if yk what i mean? absolutely no pressure and ily!!

baby number four comes back from the hospital and steve tries not to cry about it (he fails) | kisses before dinner universe

afab!fem!reader x dad!steve (tw ment labour + pregnancy)

Steve sits down beside you on the couch with Beth in his arms and tries to calm his racing heart. To think your new baby is finally here, right here, safe and healthy and home, makes him want to throw up. He won't, obviously, but if he's a little grey around the gills that's his business.

Avery sits on your other side quiet as a dormouse. As the oldest, she's experienced this twice before. She can't remember when Bethie came home because she'd been so young herself, and Steve suspects she might not fully remember meeting Dove for the first time either, but she remembers to be quiet and gentle, and that's all she really needs to do.

Steve had wanted to bring them to the hospital to see you as soon as the baby was born, but Robin, rightfully, encouraged him to wait. He agrees now, because after labour you hadn't looked yourself. You'd been tired and sick. "You're having the next one," you'd joked. He had laughed until he cried, emotional from seeing you screaming and sweaty, his hand reduced to mush. Steve had been beside himself. He loves his girls, but he doesn't love how they came into the world. Seeing you that way… he can't regret getting you pregnant, not when he has all these beautiful babies, but he feels something similar. He feels better now that you're home.

"Tada," Steve whispers in Beth's ear. "There's your baby sister."

"Another one?" you'd asked when you found out the gender, defeated but not really. You'll love whatever you're given. He loves that about you, and he feels the same. "Steve, come on."

"It's not my fault!" he'd insisted.

"She's really small," Bethie whispers back.

"You don't have to whisper, sweetheart," you say, your face flopped against the couch cushions. You're still sapped. "She has to get used to all your voices."

Bethie stands on Steve's leg and holds onto your shoulder. He grabs her waist in case she takes a spill, letting her peer down into your arms at the face of her new sister. Her lips part.

"I think," Steve says, squeezing gently, "we finally have another one who looks like mommy and you."

"I think so too," Avery says quietly.

"Yea?"

"She's got mom's nose."

"Little," you joke, giving Avery a playful nudge with your elbow. "I think so three."

You swap. Steve gets to hold his new baby and you make as much room as you can in your lap for the oldest two, wincing when someone's knee jabs your sore stomach. He's about to tell them to climb off of you when you wrap your arms around them, hiding your face in Avery's soft, silky hair. She got nearly everything from Steve, including how much she loves being cuddled, and she melts like butter in the sun at your touch.

"I missed you, mom," she says. "Please don't have more babies for a while."

You laugh. You all know Steve wants an army. You also know Steve wants what you want. You could never touch him again and he'd be okay with it, somehow. Safe to say, you won't be having any more babies for a while, if ever again.

"I missed you too. Three days without you is three too many. And don't worry, my love. Me and daddy aren't having anymore for a long, long time." You peek over Avery's shoulder and smile. "I wish we didn't make such pretty ones. Maybe I'd be less tempted."

"That's all you," Steve says.

Bethie slouches to rest her weight on Steve's arm. God, he'd missed his girls. He'd been hoping your time in the hospital would be quick considering you've had three before, though they've been varying degrees of difficulty, and almost always made you poorly. That hope had been struck down fast, and Steve had just done whatever it was he could do to keep you breathing and smiling. He must be good at it, because four babies and eight years later he can still make you laugh between pushes.

He's, pardon his language, fucking amazed at what you can do. And he's so in awe of his life, his family, his girls, he finds himself welling up for the tenth time today, the perfect tiny face of your newborn a blur in his eyes.

Bethie pats his arm as he sniffles.

"You want a hug?" she asks knowingly.

"Yeah," he says. "I do. Thanks, baby."

"I'm not the baby," she says, draping herself over his shoulder. He drops his face against hers and sniffles some more.

Dove wakes up a little while after that, and when she calls, "Mommy!" from her crib you're thrilled to be able to go get her. You're still kissing her when you reach the bottom of the stairs, your nose sliding over her chubby cheeks as you coo praises at her.

"I missed you so so much, my love," you say, softly and brightly, affection dripping from every syllable. "Mommy missed you sooooo much. You've been such a good girl for daddy and Aunt Robin, I know you have." You beam at her tiny dimples. She beams back. "You want to meet our lovely new baby?"

Steve doesn't get too cut up about his family anymore, but he can't imagine his mother ever holding him so tenderly. He thinks she must have, once. Or maybe she didn't. There's no way to know, he only remembers growing up with that spearing sense of loneliness heavy in all his bones.

Robin, his best friend in the entire world, had absolutely healed him. When he met you, he didn't have to worry about being enough or being too much, he'd just loved you. You'd filled those last cracks, and his daughter's pretty much erased any trace of them.

He's so lucky. He could cry again, but the tears give him a migraine and he needs to be right as rain for the nights to come.

You sit down. You smell familiar, and your smile curves under his ear as you drop a kiss against his wane skin.

"Are you alright, Stevie baby?" you ask softly, one part concerned and three parts fond. You know what he's thinking.

"I've never been better." He reaches out to comb a rogue strand of hair from Dove's face. "Are you ready to meet your new little sister?" he asks her.

Dove glares at him. He wouldn't expect anything less.

#kisses before dinner universe #kisses before dinner #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x afab!reader #dad!steve harrington #dad!steve harrington x reader #stranger things x reader #stranger things fic #stranger things #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fluff #tw pregnancy #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington drabble

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autistichalsin · 5 months

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So @dorky-malorky left a really good reply on this post I made earlier, and it was so good I had to reply- BUT my reply got way too long, so I'm making a new post. I'm going to quote their reply, and then add my own under.

So true, besties. As someone who was bullied pretty mercilessly all through grade school and right up until graduation, I see a lot of that same mask in Halsin. He puts up with so much and it's not because he's a sage wise old druid, it's because he has unresolved trauma!!! Man basically says Thaniel was his only friend growing up and that's why he became a druid. Imagine making a friend as a little kid and then finding out that no one else knows of him or can even see him. To all those people Thaniel may as well have been an imaginary playmate to a sad lonely boy. Then he grows up and loses pretty much everyone he cares about. He's cut off from Thaniel, he's cut off from his peers, and he puts so much of the blame on himself for that. Then he's thrust into a position of leadership where he, again, struggles to make connections. Sure some people at the grove are like 'sure wish Halsin was here' but then they all just go along with Khaga and the Rite of Thorns anyways instead of doing anything about it and they basically write him off as lost. In my view, Halsin has just been swallowing grief and disappointment his whole life and has been putting on the brave face because that's what people expect from him. Don't make waves, just keep on keeping on. Even with Tav and the tadpole crew he will keep swallowing that same shit beyond what a normal person would put up with because Halsin just wants to belong. He will take scraps if that's all he can get, and be thankful for it, when what he deserves is to be at the table with everyone else. And the heartbreaking thing is just how deeply he cares despite everything he's gone through. He could be bitter and angry like Astarion, but instead he suppresses and buries the hurt way down deep, and just keeps going, holding onto a hope that the future will be a better place. :(

And here is my response:

ALL OF THIS. There is a REASON so much of the fandom has independently come to the conclusion that Halsin is both autistic and a victim of bullying- realize it or not, the writers just put too many tell-tale behaviors in.

Your part about taking scraps just hits the nail on the head. He takes whatever the player gives, and he is still so damn nice- if he loses all of his approval towards the player (which is quite a feat since rescuing Thaniel and breaking the curse gets you 40-50 depending on choices made) he may be snippy in his greetings and in his point-n-click lines which are currently bugged, but he still never actually... really does anything about it.

And that he's able to still care after all of this- even setting aside headcanons, this is still a man who had few to no friends growing up, has been othered for his size and treated like his feelings don't matter, has lost everyone he loved, was made a sex slave for three years to one of the cruelest groups out there, with said slavery including seeing the bodies of other elves like him made into decorations, was forced to fight a huge battle and then faced a curse that killed so many friends of his that it would "take [him] a day and a night to recite the names of all the friends [he] lost" AND he had to kill the reanimated corpse of the previous Archdruid, a man he speaks admiringly of every time he mentions him, leaving him with survivor's guilt and pretty obvious PTSD, AND it took away his best/possibly only friend from childhood, he was forced into a leadership role he never wanted and in fact was actively miserable in, stressed to the point that he started thinking fondly of his past as a sex slave (with the implication being he romanticized it because he wanted not to have to be responsible for such hard decisions anymore) and with not a single soul to confide in who might tell him these thoughts weren't healthy, he spent years begging for help breaking the curse but even the Emerald Enclave was basically like "yeah you're on your own buddy", he fell into what was strongly implied to be alcoholism and had to swear it off entirely, his attempt to jump at the first chance he saw in 100 years to break the curse resulted in him being held captive again and tortured- by goblins, which got him mocked later- while his Grove was infiltrated, psyoped (seriously, too many people don't seem to know that Ketheric orchestrated the Shadow Druids infiltrating the Grove because he knew what a threat they/Halsin would be and wanted it neutralized) and turned against him by Kagha, requiring him to send in a new Archdruid while he left to try to solve the mindflayer crisis- and almost immediately discovering she was a better leader than he EVER was, which I'm sure left him with a feeling of not just inadequacy as he alluded to in his scenes, but also with a feeling he'd wasted all those 100 years trying to lead if he could have just handed it off to someone better all along, then after he finally breaks the curse that has been plaguing his homeland for 100 years he goes into the city, is promptly gut-punched with how much people, especially children, are suffering there, tries everything short of screaming to get people's attention that this is NOT OKAY and is promptly brushed off and dismissed at every turn, then finally goes to fight a Nether Brain to save the world, which he admits he had little faith he would survive- but he put on a brave face for the player (especially if romanced). And that's literally just the main canon path, not including things that can be done to him in darker branches, like his Grove being slaughtered and his attempt to avenge them all failing, or the Rite of Thorns succeeding and him losing his home forever, or him getting kidnapped by Orin, or, once that new update goes into place, him having casual sex with his friend/love interest (depending on the circumstances) and some prostitutes, opening up about his time as a sex slave, and then being promptly threatened to be sold back into slavery by the person he trusted. No, this stuff is literally just the main, good canon path.

I know people tend to say Halsin clearly worked through his traumas in a healthy way offscreen (this line gets used most with his time as a sex slave) but the lack of support system Halsin has, his inability to center his own needs, even to himself, for a single minute, his desperation to be validated for just a single moment, his idolization of the player if they break the curse even if they subsequently treat him badly, his emotions being so turbulent that he alludes to being unable to control his wildshape on two different occasions with both specifically being linked to turbulent emotions (one being intense arousal and excitement, the other being anger and fear when escaping the goblin camp at the player's side), all of which is incredibly unusual for any Druid let alone an Archdruid hailed as one of the most powerful around... none of this really?? points to that being true???

He doesn't act like he is a wise, zen old Druid, he acts like he's trying to be a wise, zen old Druid, and there is a huge difference.

#halsin #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

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the-paper-monkey · 3 months

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Reincarnation? If you so please

For the ask game

This is really just my Tomarry reincarnation scribbles for any AUs that come to mind.

I'm cracking up rn because the only scene I have polished enough to share is one with secondary-school-student!Tom and dying-in-a-pallative-care-ward!Harry 💀

Anyway, you're welcome:

Scene

“Look at you.” The voice of a teenage boy.

Harry pried one eye open.

There, leaning in the doorway, was none other than Tom Riddle, looking perhaps sixteen at the oldest. He was dressed in a crisp school uniform that looked expensive enough to pay for private palliative care thrice over. His hair was artfully tousled in a way that might have been carefree if it had been anyone other than Tom. On the breast of his blazer was pinned the predictable prefect badge.

“This is perverse,” Harry said. He closed his eyes, wishing Tom away, thinking of Ginny, the children, the grandchildren. Anything other than Tom Riddle.

It didn’t work. He could still hear the soft sound of Tom’s feet on the lino as he approached.

“I won’t disagree.” Tom dropped himself onto the mattress beside Harry, peering down at him with his dark, pretty eyes. “You look hideous. How old are you? One hundred? Two?”

“Eighty-three,” Harry replied, “and not likely to make it to eighty-four.” It was jarring to see his sun-beaten, wrinkled old hands beside Tom’s pale, youthful ones. How would it work in this world? Would Tom continue to live a long, healthy life after Harry had passed? Would he forget him?

“You look much older,” Tom said, matter of fact.

He wasn’t the most conscious of the Toms, Harry mused. He’d met versions of him with varying degrees of knowledge of their shared pasts—some who remembered only when he saw them, some who had known for decades, some who didn’t recognise him in the slightest. This Tom seemed to remember well enough, but he didn’t hold himself with the maturity of a Tom Riddle who recalled a thousand lives. He was a boy, nothing more.

And even from the brief words they’d exchanged, Harry could already tell he had been raised by his father.

“This coming from the lad who didn’t manage to make it to his seventy-eighth birthday?” Harry said.

Tom shrugged, which was not the reaction that an iteration of him closer to Voldemort would have had. If—in his decrepit, geriatric form—Harry had dared voice that to the Librarian Tom, he was certain all the life-saving equipment currently attached to him would have already been severed. But instead, this Tom only watched him curiously, head half-cocked.

Harry was, predictably, charmed by him. However, much to his relief, he felt no great surge of attraction. It was one benefit of being eighty-three and on seven different medications with a total of forty different side effects.

“I saw your name on the door. I remembered it, though I wasn’t sure where from.”

“Almost like a half-forgotten friend from when you were very young?” Harry supplied.

“A friend?” Tom’s lip curled. “I never had friends.” He spoke as if Harry had gravely offended him by even suggesting the possibility.

“No,” Harry said, “neither had I. But that was how I felt when I read your name—the first time.”

“Hm,” Tom said, mouth twitching down. “Why’s it always you, then? What’s so special about you?” He didn’t question his own importance—as Harry recalled doing in iterations further from the core—simply accepting his place at the centre of infinite parallel universes without batting an eye.

“You marked me as your equal,” Harry said. “Really, it’s all your fault. I’m still waiting on an apology.” His throat was dry, arms too weak to reach for his water, but he didn’t ask Tom to help him. Not this petulant, young version of him.

Tom rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

A nurse came in, almost as if she’d read his mind, bustling about and neatening up Ginny’s bags. She helped him take a sip of water, sparing an incurious glance at Tom. Harry supposed she imagined he was just another grandchild. It was nauseating enough to almost make him laugh.

“We fucked,” Tom said abruptly.

The nurse dropped the cup, the thin plastic straw spinning away somewhere under his bed. “Pardon me?”

It was likely Tom hadn’t even intended to provoke a reaction from the room. The memory had certainly just come to him. Harry had experienced the same many a time. However, while rarely was that an admission one would wish to make in front of a stranger, stating such a thing while in school uniform in front of a mandated reporter was surely near the top of the list of inadvisable decisions.

Tom flicked a disinterested glance at her. “I’m sixteen. If I have a taste for the toothless then that’s none of your business.”

“He’s only joking,” Harry assured her. “You’ve seen my records. I’m not up for any sort of physical activity.”

She did not laugh, leaving in a huff. Harry hoped she wasn’t off to make a call.

“I’m not going to have this conversation with a child,” Harry said. “Come see me in the next life.”

“We did,” Tom insisted, perhaps not understanding that plausibility was not the roadblock to their conversation. “In an atelier out the back of a piano shop in Paris.”

“Well,” Harry said, memories of a thousand lives blurred and smudged together in his mind, “I suppose we may have.” That it was the closest iteration to this Tom did not mean it sprang quickly to Harry’s mind.

“We did, we—”

The door slid open again and Harry looked up, expecting a police officer or some sort of security. But instead, there stood an exceptionally handsome man who could have been the twin of any of the versions of Tom in his thirties that Harry had met.

“Tommy,” Tom Riddle Sr said, looking tired and rather distracted, “you mustn’t just go about bothering other patients. I’m very sorry, Mr…?” He was dressed in a crisp black suit and had his Blackberry in hand, looking like he had about a thousand things to do that were more important than apologising to Harry.

“Potter,” Harry said. “And that’s quite alright.” He was old enough to be the man’s grandfather. Never had he felt older. He was beginning to understand why Voldemort had paid him little attention or respect in the worlds in which they were fifty years apart in age.

“I was just saying goodbye,” Tom said. Then, with a sly glint in his eye, he dipped his head and kissed Harry square on the mouth. “When do you suppose you’ll die?” he asked, breaking away.

Harry glanced over at Tom’s father, but saw that he was typing out an email on his phone and had missed the exchange entirely.

“The doctors have given me two months.”

Tom’s eyes dropped to his own hand on Harry’s chest for a brief moment, then up at his face again. “This will be the last time I see you, then.”

“In this lifetime.” Harry winked. Tom frowned.

Behind him, Tom’s father cleared his throat. “I hate to interrupt, but we’ve really got to dash. Tommy, will you come say goodbye to your grandfather?”

#asks #ask game #anon

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pix3lplays · 10 months

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*peers out from the door* the boys and the pregnant reader series made me cry because of how good it is!! Now how about how the boys do when dealing with reader's mood swings, morning sickness, and everything that pregnancy does to the reader???

Oh my Gosh I’m so honored you enjoyed the pregnancy series! I will gladly do this one! Though I DID write them taking care of pregnant reader here! I haven’t addressed morning sickness or mood swings so that’s what we’ll do haha

Cw! Pregnancy

-Honkai Star rail men taking care of pregnant reader Pt 2-

Dan Heng: Dan Heng is Usually pretty level-headed, but ever since you’ve told him you’re pregnant, he’s been struggling to keep himself calm. Still, when it comes to your morning sickness and mood swings, he does his best to try and remain calm and proper. You need him, ESPECIALLY now, so while he’s pretty bad at acting calm, he manages pretty well when it comes to you and your mood swings and sickness. He just doesn’t understand it. Still he reminds himself that it’s because your pregnant and it’s okay because soon it will all be over once the baby is born.

Jing Yuan: Jing Yuan is an expert at this sort of stuff. He handles your mood swings calmly, reminding you that it’s just the pregnancy talking, and he doesn’t take anything personally when you’re like this. He’s no doctor, but he does his best to take care of you when you’re suffering from morning sickness, such as staying with you when you’re feeling it. And he brings you little healthy snacks in bed, like the sweet man he is. He understands decently enough how pregnancy works, and he’s always able to stay calm and collected throughout your whole pregnancy.

Sampo Koski: Sampo Koski doesn’t want kids, he doesn’t want you to be pregnant, and he definitely doesn’t want to deal with your pregnancy mood swings and morning sickness. He doesn’t really know what to do about the mood swings, or the morning sickness. But he tries! Telling you to just calm down isn’t really the best way to handle it though. And he has No Idea what to do about the sickness…He gets you some crackers and carbonated water for your nightstand but that was the only thing he could think of.

Blade: Blade wishes he was better at helping you. But you know him. He is cold, unemotional, and he doesn’t know how to handle your mood swings or susceptibility to morning sickness. At least he doesn’t freak out, right? He’s very quiet when you’re going through your mood swings, and he just silently gets you whatever you request when you’re feeling sick. But he’s trying his best, he really is. He wishes he knew what to do, but he’s really not ready to have a pregnant partner to take care of, though at the end of the day he’s doing okay.

Luocha: Luocha is a medical man. He understands how pregnancy works, as a doctor, so he’s completely prepared when you start having mood swings and feeling sick in the mornings. He’s probably the best man on this list to have take care of you to be honest. He knows how to handle mood swings, he remains very calm and quiet and respectful, and when you’re feeling sick he has all sorts of practical, and medical remedies. You feel very taken care of with Luocha being the one looking after you.

Gepard Landau: as much as he wants to be good at this, he’s not exactly a professional at taking care of his pregnant partner. He doesn’t know what to do when you’re suddenly feeling all sorts of emotions at once, and he Especially doesn’t know what to do when you’re feeling sick. He feels bad about it, but he does his best to stay calm and take care of you, even if he’s not perfect at it.

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ace-oreos · 6 months

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Dar Reads Lady Knight: Ch. 3

Finally back at it! This chapter covers a lot of ground considering it's fairly short, so I will probably have more to say than I did for the first two. As usual, commentary/favorite quotes are below the cut.

Love the Alanna and Neal moment on page 49... the whole "good question, next question" conversation. It would be super cool if we got a little short story of Neal's time as Alanna's squire. I can only imagine what that was like given their personalities.

"He said last night you're a bear for vegetables - Sir Nealan, that is" (pg. 50). Tobe's only been with Kel for a short time and Neal is already teaching him well, haha.

Cleon makes his entrance. I have to be honest, I'm happy with the decision Kel makes re: Cleon. She doesn't feel the same way she once did, and she knows it wouldn't be fair to either of them to try to continue the romance, Cleon's impending marriage aside. I was never a huge fan of Kel/Cleon, but I was glad Kel got to enjoy a healthy relationship while it lasted, considering how some of Alanna's relationships went.

"She didn't want Cleon as a lover now, of that she was sure. There was work to be done. She wanted no lovers until she had settled the Nothing Man's account" (pg 51). Not gonna lie, I really, really like these lines. There is work to be done, and devotion to duty has been the foundation of Kel's philosophy since day one.

I should note that I don't dislike Cleon as a character. He's doing the honorable thing by marrying someone in order to provide for the people he's responsible for as lord of Kennan.

I love the scene when Tobe asks Kel why she's crying, and her explanation: "It's not the war, Tobe. I've been shot at. I can bear it. I'm crying because my friend is unhappy and everything is changing." First of all, relatable. Second, I love the respect that already exists between Tobe and Kel - his first reaction isn't to make fun of her, but to sympathize.

Kel asking Duke Baird how he can still go and do his duty even after seeing the brutality of war firsthand makes me feel things. And his response that all he can do is his best. Ugh. Feels.

Baird asking Kel to keep an eye on Neal if they are assigned to the same post alsdkfj. Kel and Neal friendship 2kforever.

Owen's back! Gotta love Owen. The way he tries to be as formal as Wyldon trained him to be while still being irrepressibly Owen is so funny. What a gremlin.

Poor Kel, being worried that Wyldon doesn't trust her ability as a knight after all. If I were in her position, I'd probably feel the same about the possibility of getting a "safe" assignment. Especially since she knows that people will say she's not cut out to be a knight if she's not out on the front lines.

Kel and Wyldon's dynamic. Amazing. Wyldon has come so far since First Test, and Kel is willing to see that. I think anyone else would hold a grudge against Wyldon for the way he treated Kel if they were in her shoes, but she's willing to see past that.

Kel's going to do her duty if it kills her. This girl. I wish I could properly express what she means to me.

Mistress Fanche makes her entrance when Wyldon is showing Kel the refugees. Considering what she's been through, I don't think it would be fair to dislike her for her attitude.

"[Wyldon]'s happy, she realized, stunned. Training us - that was his duty. But he didn't like it. He's comfortable here, in the dirt and the cold, with people to defend" (pg. 70). I wonder if Kel realizes how similar she and Wyldon are when it comes to duty. She'll do whatever he orders, even if she privately disagrees or dislikes it, but at the end of the day she's happiest when there's hard work to be done.

The Kel and Owen moment at the end of the chapter. Kel's right - Owen is growing up well. They are 100% ride or die, and I am here for it. When Owen says he would do anything to help her, he means it. Kel hasn't had a lot of experience with that so far, what with several of her peers trying to sabotage her during her days as a page, so I imagine Owen's genuine loyalty must mean the world to her.

#keladry of mindelan #lady knight #protector of the small #tamora pierce #tortall #dar reads lady knight #once again: keladry of mindelan my beloved #hoping to get to chapter four soon!

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severalforraelee · 8 months

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Positive Part 9: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Photo credit to emilia. on spotify

Word count: 2,181

Written by raelee / Posted August 29

Masterlist

Outerbanks Masterlist

Positive Masterlist

“Why didn’t you bring her to the emergency room?” I hear the doctor’s slurred voice as I slump against JJ’s side, eyes closed. Despite not being able to see the doctor’s face, I can sense his annoyance.

“She can’t afford the emergency room,” JJ responds.

The doctor heaves a heavy sigh before resting a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Y/N, can you hear me?”

“Yes,” my eyes open slowly, “I’m just really, really tired right now.”

“What else are you feeling?”

“My chest is burning… and I know it’s normal to feel this big at this point in the pregnancy, but I feel really, like, bloated,” I rattle off.

The doctor asks some more questions, typing on the computer as I answer them.

“I believe that you have severe heartburn,” he announces.

“We went to urgent care just because you’re feeling gassy?” JJ raises his eyebrows at me. I glare at him.

“It’s common to have heartburn at this point in pregnancy but not this severe. I will prescribe you medicine to treat it. For future reference I recommend watching what you eat, making a conscious choice to eat healthier, and to take TUMs or Pepto-Bismol if you feel this occurring again,” the doctor informs us.

JJ swings his arm around my shoulder as we walk out of the doctor’s office. “Are you going to be okay, kid?”

“Yeah, I just haven’t been eating as healthy as I should be,” I admit, “I guess I forget that kind of stuff affects the baby too. God, I’m going to be such a bad mom, JJ.”

“Hey, none of that,” he reassures me, rubbing my shoulder. “You’re going to be a great mom. If your one mishap so far was eating too many McDonalds french fries, you’re going to be the best mom to this baby.”

The Twinkie pulls up as we talk, Pope, John B, and Kiara peering out the windows with concern.

“How did it go?” Pope questions.

“I’m going to be okay, it was just heartburn,” I inform them.

John B starts laughing while Pope rolls his eyes and Kiara smiles.

“Thank God it wasn’t something more,” she comments.

“Yeah, really.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come in?” I ask worriedly through the phone after hearing the arrays of curses.

“No, whatever you do, do not come in,” JJ’s tone is harsh but I know that it’s out of concern and love.

After piecing the clues together that the gold is in Mrs. Crain’s house, we decided to break in and investigate. I was all for it- I was excited, actually. Until JJ told me that I couldn’t come with because I’m twenty-five weeks pregnant. After much begging and pleading and convincing from Kiara, Sarah, and I, we convinced him to let me come with as long as I just stayed in the car.

I’m trying to push my luck with just staying in the car.

“I found it,” John B’s distant voice exclaims. “I found the gold.”

“There’s no way,” JJ says at the same time Pope asks, “Did you really find it?”

I lean into the phone and watch it closer with anxiety, like I’m actually there with them. I wish I was by their side right now, but I know that this is what’s best for the baby.

“Did he actually find it?” I question.

“Go, we need to leave,” Kiara’s voice shouts before anyone can answer me. There’s a commotion on the other end, I hear gunshots and everyone shouting.

“What’s going on?” I inquire nervously, not expecting anyone to answer. No one actually does, though, which makes my anxiety worse. My eyes are glued to the house as I wait for someone, anyone, to appear.

It could be John B, JJ, Sarah, hell even Mrs. Craine, I just want a hint of what’s going on.

The door suddenly flings open and everyone runs out, jumping into the Twinkie as fast as they can. John B takes off before the door even closes.

“What happened?” My eyes flit frantically from face to face, trying to find out if anyone was actually shot.

“We’re all okay, she just had a gun and started shooting,” Sarah reassures me.

“She had a gun?” My eyes widen in shock.

“Yeah, and guess what else she had?” John B pipes in.

“What?”

A smirk makes it’s way across his face. “The gold.”

JJ and I stand in front of the counter, facing the lady at the pawn shop as she examines the gold. Pope, Sarah, John B, and Kiara act as if they’re looking at various objects while secretly paying attention to the interaction.

“It looks like somebody tried to melt it down,” the woman looks up at us suspiciously.

I glance at JJ out of the corner of my eye, knowing that I’m just here to make this interaction look more normal while he does all of the talking.

“My mom,” he answers immediately, “She had all of this jewelry laying around the house and she thought it was best to melt it down. Thought it would be worth more when we sold it to be able to afford furniture for the baby.”

He reaches over, gently patting my stomach. I’m so used to JJ’s touch on my stomach by now that I don’t even flinch at the unexpected gesture.

The woman heads into the back to talk to her boss.

“Y/N,” Kiara hisses.

I look over in her direction to see her holding up an assortment of boas.

“For your gender reveal,” she suggests. I giggle.

The woman returns, and after much back and forth, her and JJ agree on $70,000 in cash. On our way to the warehouse, we get pulled over by cops.

“All of y’alls hands up in the air right now,” a man suddenly appears at John B’s window, shouting.

Fear runs through my body, not only for my life, but for my baby’s life, too. If anything happened to her right now because of the shenanigans I’ve gotten myself into, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.

John B opens the door for everyone at the gunman’s instruction and we climb out one by one.

“Lay down in the ditch, on your hands and knees now. Put your face on the ground,” he hollers.

It’s hard for me to get down on my hands and knees on a good day, but with all of this stress and anxiety and my growing baby bump, it takes me a while to kneel down.

“Now, pretty girl,” the gunman shouts at me.

“Alright, relax,” JJ hollers back.

Tears stream down my face as I bend down as low as I can go, trying my best to not put my full weight on my front and top half. I choke back sobs as best as I can, hoping that this stranger doesn’t hear me cry.

John B gets up slowly and climbs into the cop car as we watch the gunman search through our van for the gold.

I breathe heavily as the gunman screams at us some more. The baby kicks at my ribs, probably because of my heightened emotions, but I don’t bother moving my hands from my head to rub my belly and reassure her, not wanting the movement to catch the gunman’s attention.

Then it all happens at once. The gunman climbs into the cop car, John B gets his gun and starts a fight with him, and he falls out of the car for everyone to beat up. In the time that it takes all of this to happen, I stand up from the ground and join the group at the cop car.

“I know this piece of shit,” JJ exclaims. “He’s a basehead.”

“Probably knows my brother,” Sarah comments. I look at her, but look away before she can catch my gaze.

JJ punches the man again, taking his wallet and stealing his ID. This is a JJ that I don’t recognize. It’s not the JJ that holds my hands at ultrasounds, or picks up onesies at the store because he couldn’t resist. This is a dangerous JJ… one that I wouldn’t trust around my child.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Rafe questions furiously as soon as I open the door.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, confused.

Pope jumps up from the couch next to the door, angling himself in front of me as if to block me from Rafe. By the way his hands are shaking, I can tell that he’s nervous, but he and I are the only ones here, everyone else gone to run errands, so he feels like it’s his duty to protect me.

It’s sweet, but knowing his history with Rafe, I’m more concerned with his safety than mine at the moment.

“Why are you here? Leave, now,” Pope demands.

“I’m not talking to you, Pope,” the blonde growls, eyes locked on me.

“Yeah, well I’m talking to you,” Pope reaches out, pushing at Rafe’s chest. That gets Rafe’s attention and his eyes shift to Pope.

“Stop, stop,” I sigh, stepping forward and between the two before it can go any further. “What do you want, Rafe?”

“You’re going on adventures while pregnant with my child? Do you know how irresponsible and dangerous that is, Y/N?”

“Do you know how irresponsible and dangerous it is to do coke all of the time?” I raise my eyebrows at him.

“That’s different, you’re pregnant, I’m not.”

“Yeah but we’re both still expecting a child. Oh wait,” I give him a sugar sweet smile, “I am, you’re not.”

I step back, closing the front door.

“Barry told me about the gold.”

His words make both Pope and I freeze. Luckily, since the door is closed Rafe can’t see our actions.

“Once other people find out about it, you’re going to be in some deep shit. Trust me. I’m just warning you now so that you can protect our child.” The sound of his footsteps leave the porch and Pope and I stand, gaping at each other.

“Do you think he’s being serious?” I whisper, even though there’s no reason to.

“Why would he lie about that? It concerns the safety of you and your child,” Pope whispers back.

I wish Rafe was lying, or just exaggerating to get a rise out of me. But knowing how serious he is when it comes to this baby, he’s being truthful right now.

“Where even is he?” Kiara checks her phone for a text that isn’t there.

“Probably with Sarah, he’s been spending all of his time with her lately,” Pope responds.

“Let’s just do it without him,” JJ suggests for the millionth time. We all groan.

“He deserves to find out the sex the same time as the rest of us, JJ,” Pope tells him.

“Well if he wanted to know, he would be here.” JJ raises the cupcake to his mouth, opening it to take a bite.

“Guys, guys,” John B’s frantic voice snaps us out of intensely watching JJ. We all completely forgot to take a bite of the cupcake in our own hands, too focused on him. “Ward knows, Ward knows about the gold.”

“How did he find out?” Kiara asks.

“I don’t know,” John B confesses, buzzing around with anxiety and energy. “He just tried to kill me on his boat.”

“What?” Pope gapes. On further examination, John B does look roughed up. He has scratches and bruises on his face and his clothes are ripped up.

“I have to go warn Sarah,” Kie sets her cupcake down, running off towards her bike.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Pope smacks John B on the back, leading him into the house.

JJ just storms off to his motorbike, not even bothering to explain his exit.

So it’s just me, sitting with a container full of cupcakes.

I wake up the next morning as the sun’s still rising. My feet carry me to the open container of cupcakes in the kitchen, long forgotten by the drama of the previous day. My hand grabs one and my feet lead me outside and down the dock.

My toes brush the water as I sit down, gazing into the pink swirling into orange of the morning sunrise.

I wish Rafe could be here enjoying this moment with me.

I wish we could get just a moment of peace.

I wish I could talk to him and explain what kind of father I want him to be to our child. I don’t want him to be on drugs or partying or caught up in his family’s antics and reputation.

I want him to be a good role model for our child- holding doors open for people, paying ahead at Starbucks.

I wish he could be sitting next to me, biting into an identical cupcake to find out the sex of our baby.

But it’s just me.

And I’ll always be here to be the best mother that I possibly can to my baby girl.

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #outer banks imagine #outerbanks imagine #rafe cameron fanfiction

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crazysodomite · 4 months

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Heres the thing. obviously i understand how it feels when you spend hours upon hours and years upon years on your creations and they get almost no engagement or interest. and it has been said a million times before how you shouldn't base your self worth on social media responses and all. lets just say not everyone can flip a switch in their brain and say 'i dont care and will not pay attention to this anymore'. we all want to be seen and heard even if it comes in the form of numbers of likes and shares. and im not touching on the reality that if you want to make money off your art you need engagement because that's a whole different thing entirely.

the reality is that theres a lot of people on the internet and people curate their online profiles on what appeals to them. there are few people who will share art just for the love of the game frankly. people will share what fits their 'theme' or their fandoms and interests and not much aside from this. and if you don't create works that broadly appeal to a very high number of people your numbers will plummet. if you aren't creating works that make 10.000 people laugh/relate/want to have your work on their profile you won't get 10.000 shares and it doesn't reflect on you as an artist or as a person. its also why text posts/memes always get much more engagement than artworks. it's just easier to relate to a funny text post than to a piece of art (no matter the 'skill level' or whatever).

heres what i think and what concerns me. more often than not the amount of attention you get is never going to be enough if you focus on numbers. someone who routinely gets 10k shares will often be distressed that one of their pieces only got 5k shares. and so on and so forth. i personally think people need to focus on making community with peers. truth is that 1 person who is genuinely engaged and interested in your stuff is better than 100 people who press share and forget about it, no? if you engage with other people's creations and lift them up you will notice they will probably do the same for you! try to make friends (or at least internet neighbors. you know im too shy to befriend people so i understand) share and comment on other peoples stuff in your circle and you will start making mutual connections and start enjoying art more. obviously some people don't care to engage with other people and that's fine. you will find people who do! i just think focusing on numbers instead of community is not healthy. its like. if i go into inspect element and enter 100000 likes and shares for my artwork, how is that better? let's say my piece blows up. people will scroll away and forget. but that one mutual you made because you both love each others art and projects isnt gonna forget.

also some stuff i want to say as a guy whos in it for the love of the game.

self rb your art and dont depend on stuff blowing up in a day or whatever. talk about your pieces (if you want to obviously) your process, your ideas etc. talk about what excites you and what you liked in each piece. its easier to be engaged when You are engaged in your own stuff. also im talking about all types of artists sorry if what i wrote feels too visual arts focused i love all art forever

also about ocs and worlds and so on. personally if im scrolling and i see someone talking about their ocs im interested. but i wish it was more common to put info about your ocs in a visible place for people to access. I Will Read All That. people who are interested in your ideas but can't find a write up to understand what you're talking about are probably going to be confused. so like! if you'd like more engagement with your oc content try to make it easy for people to 'jump in'. creating tags for info of your ocs/world/etc is also a good idea (i will read all that). or dont. im not forcing anyone to do anything.

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cursedzucchini · 1 year

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Dp x DC prompt #whatever

Guys this has been rotting in my brain for the past month and i think it has lots of potential.

So basically Danny & Damian childhood friends.

Somehow, someway (maybe after five years old Damian kills one too many instructors, which are irreplaceable, maybe his arrogance causes one too many failures) Talia convinces Ra's to put weekly 'play dates' with the other league's children. These play dates are supposed to show Damian his superiority over them, but also make him care for his future subjects.

What the two didn't account for, was, well... Children.

Damian wasn't the mildest child, not was he trying to be likeable. He didn't see the point. And when you add their parents repeating over and over again how important the new child is.. no wonder all of them were scared to even look at him.

The chosen child himself was quite happy with this development. He didn't want to be there in first place, especially because he was specifically forbidden from cutting down any annoyances. So it was a good thing none of them dared to come to 10 meters radius to him. He didn't mind the children immidietly bursting into tears, when they lock eyes. He didn't feel angry, because these weren't even children of any important people, with no obligations to be nice to him, and they didn't even dare to breath in his vicinity (seriously, a boy passed out because he didn't wish to breath when Damian was sitting few spaces next to him. It was ridiculous).

He didnt feel like an outsider, he felt like their leader. He didn't feel loneliness, he felt proud. He didn't, he did.

So.. when a child, always sitting in a corner staring at the sky, was cornered by several of the other children, he didn't do anything. He was someone they should follow, he did not owe them to solve their petty rivalries. (Even if they insulted the child for their expressionless face, for being unable to recognize their imaginery rules of some bigger game, for being different. Even when Damian started realizing with more and more terror, this would be him, if he wasn't All Ghul)

...

...maybe he should establish himself as a good leader, by helping them. This once at least.

Damian walked closer, only wanting to discuss whatever bullying problem was happening, but the moment the children saw him, they ran. Well, most of them at least.

Danyal was the child of some lower member of the league (maybe even someone who was under their protection, doesn't matter). He was a very quiet, some would even say antisocial. He would spend all his time staring at the stars and not mingling with his peers. He didn't often wore any sort of expression, but once Damian spend more time with him (unwillingly might he add, even if it was him who looked for the other boy, and maybe it wasn't unwillingly, but that's not something he wants to think about. Ever), he realized, Danyal was full of them. Every time he talked about the stars, mentioned the new book his parents gifted him, and as the time went, when Damian himself was mentioned, the demon's heir couldn't help but think the older boy would burst from them.

Damian still wasn't quite sure why he was hated by their his peers. He knew some people would find Danyal strange, but he didn't quite understood (wasn't he the same? Why was he brilliant perfect amazing but Danyal strange idiot weird?).

But what he did know for sure, was that Danyal was his. He was his subject, someone he took under his wing to protect, and in exchange, Danyal would look after him too. It might be helping him out with any assassination attempts, or telling him the stories of space, when the younger boy couldn't force his tongue to form words.

Or at least he had been.

The family Danyal was from was poor. So when one of the tougher times came, it wasn't strange one of their children had to go. And what choice it was, picking between healthy beautiful children and a 'ghost living in a body'.

Only Damian hated it. He didn't understand. While yes, Danyal was his subject, he had many of them. If he wanted to be a good leader, he can't just focus on one them. That would be unfair. He saw this choice being made so many times and he was never bothered by it, so why now—

In the end he never discovered the answer. He locked the question deep inside his chest, inside his heart, where nothing could ever reach. He was Al Ghul, he was too great to be caught of guard and be strucked in it.

So when years and years later, when he was already living with his father for some time, he saw a black haired, blue eyed teen with tan skin, and the same grin his friend subject had, of course it was natural he knocked him out and brought him into the manor.

Not because he missed Danyal or anything of course. He had to... Check if this was some sort of plot of his Mother. Naturally.

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pinksummer444 · 2 years

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DO THEY MISS YOU? And WHYYY ? 🌷💕👛 🎀 PSYCHIC READING | PICK A PICTURE ;

for more readings subscribe to my YouTube ⬎

#pac #pap #tarot ‧₊˚✩彡

intuitively pick your piles below.

1>2

3>4

♡

welcome to your reading pile 1

yes this person misses you, alot. they miss you because you are special, pretty, unique, easy to talk to, they love your personality & they miss coming to see you/or you coming to see them. they have regrets when they think about you and how things ended. they replay the things they said to you and did to you. this person misses the way you kiss them, the way you cater to their needs and wants. the way you touch them, the way you hold them, and massage them. they miss the way you would rush to their aid if they needed you. I’m getting you guys could be friends with benefits or the relationship is just complicated. (or very on & off) but whatever the relationship is to them they really miss it and want it back. they miss you being around them, and speaking positive words into them. 💕 you are/were their backbone. 🦴 you could have last seen them at a hotel/motel/apartments. they miss your eyes, your smile and just really everything about you in general in this pile. they feel like your their soulmate and your going to forgive them oneday. for some of you guys this was a very codependent relationship that just isn’t healthy or wasn’t healthy. they really miss what you could do for them. what you could bring to the table is what they really miss. but they do miss you as well. but this is just the type of person where they need somebody to be giving them something or else they don’t feel like your beneficial to be around if they can’t take-take-take from you. etc so they can’t just accept your love in this pile unfortunately. i feel like the love/emotions were very unrequited or unbalanced ! so they miss you because they could easily guilt trip you, manipulate you, and have easy access to you whenever they wanted. they miss your big beautiful heart and how you wear it so passionately on your sleeve. you love to give love, resources to others to make yourself feel good, your a very compassion and giving person. this person misses the sex as well. because you are also very giving in the bedroom. you love to make your lover feel wanted, desired and noticed. this made this person feel like a god. so this person misses your personality and your labor alott! but I’m honestly getting they love anybody like this so they can use it to their advantage. if most of you guys moved on in this pile or atleast your trying because this person is draining you, I feel you made or your making the right decision. this could honestly be a karmic soulmate, past life connection or a false twinflame. ♡

♡

hi pile 2, welcome to your reading.

no this person does not miss you. i feel like this person went through hell and back with you or you went through hell and back with this person just to get some type of emotions out of them or vs versa. it’s hard or painful for this person to open up. they do wish you the best though. but for some of you guys this person is a lost soul. they don’t wish the best for you, they feel like they are what’s best for you and that they’ll always be what’s best for you. they “know” that their your best option. this person is very much in their ego, still. and I feel like most of the relationship you guys share/or shared this person was in their ego. this person isn’t/wasn’t willing to dig deep or show you anything beneath the surface. this person is focused on money, fame, sex, drugs, ig girls/guys, cars, bags, chains etc anything that’s fun or entertaining to them. “all that glitters isn’t gold” I feel like this person is chasing happiness, they keep leaving people behind that truly love them for a dream being sold to them by social media, their friends, their peers, music etc- some of you guys aren’t in love in this pile so it’s fine. but I really feel like this person is going to come back into your life (or they are trying to now) and your intuition is iffy about them. & it’s because for some of you guys this person is making a effort to change but they still have karmic issues that they haven’t dealt with yet or simply don’t wanna deal with & there pushing things under the rug. i feel like they are going to act like they missed you so much/ or they really do miss you because life taught them a harsh lesson. but their really sexually attracted to you in this pile. they wanna fuck you. that’s there way of being intimate with someone. having sex. channelled song (smoke, drink breakup x Mila j) this person has normalized dealing with people with no strings attached and they have many options in love, lifestyle, career, & finances. and for some of you they “think” they have many options but the other options are only around because they are what’s trending, hot, & attractive right now, it’s going to take for this person to slip up and fall for them to realize how much they hurt the people that really loved him/her because these options are going to hop to the next hot topic. a very imbalanced heart chakra/ closed heart chakra, narcissist, or karmic soulmate,♡

♡

hi pile 3 welcome to your reading.

YESSSSSS this person misses you. they love you. they watch you. they stalk you. they follow you. they keep up with you. they remember things you say and do or want. they fantasize, they reminisce, they go through your photos and videos. they read your text thread when they miss you. this person is your number one fan ✨this person misses you because your sweet, your funny, your secretive, your exclusive, your pretty, your beautiful, your smart, your dedicated, your a bombshelll, your just amazing to this person & they don’t want to miss or mess up there opportunities with you. they want to do romantic things for you and with you. they wanna go on dates, trips and experience life with you. grow old with you. they want to romanticize all the moments that you guys share together. take pictures of you. compliment you. hold you, hug you. they miss your smile, your perfume, your body, your hair. 2:22 as I’m doing this reading so that’s definitely conformation that this is your soulmate/future soulmate. this is someone who wants to buy you flowers, cherish you, love you, spoon you, kiss you, spend time with you, spend money on you, show up for you in all walks of life. this is someone who sees the beauty in you, they also see the potential in you, even if you can’t see it in yourself some days. this person is someone who wants to uplift you, on those bad days and even on your good days. they wanna make love to you, co-create with you, dedicate their time & energy to you when they can in healthy way. they can’t neglect responsibilities but they can definitely make sure that your one of they’re main responsibilities that they know they need to water and nourish and take care of. this is someone who thinks about you all the time so they wouldn’t even be able to neglect you if wanted to. they have a very balanced & strong heart chakra/root chakra. they want to call you or text you when they get some free time. soulmate, past life, healing connection, divine feminine, divine masculine. ♡

♡

hi, pile 4; welcome to your reading.

yes this person misses you & it’s because of your body. your physical traits/appearance. this person literally wants to have sex right now and everytime they think about you they think of sex, porn, explicit thoughts & imagery. they think about how you have an amazing body and you were designed so beautifully. this person objectifies you a lot and they would really love to use your body for their own benefits. they want to take pictures of your body, rub your body, massage your body, touch your body etc. they feel like your somebody they can or can’t have a sexual arrangement with (depending on the status of the connection) they think about having fun with you, partying with you, taking you out, making you laugh, making you cum. they don’t want anything deep or atleast this isn’t their intention and this isn’t their main goal with you. their goal is to smash 💥 they think with their dick when they think of you and when they start to miss you. not with their mind, or heart but with their dick lol. they miss your soft hands, lips, feet, ass, legs, tits and stomach. they love your cute little belly (belly ring, nipple rings if you have that) they wanna see every tattoo, and piercing that you have. this person is really passionate about you. this person would love a chance to smash you, or they miss smashing you. they love everything about sex with you. the foreplay, the teasing, the seducing, the chasing you, the finally getting you, the courting you, the feeling of almost having it but not quite. this person honestly just likes the chase in this pile they like to feel like your hard to get even to them. they don’t want things easily given to them. they kinda wanna show you off or play with their meal before they eat it. the love watching you, and drooling over you. they love the see through garments 👚 💕you put on, they love when fabrics drape over your body & curves (small or big) they love them all. they fantasize and day dream aloooottttt in this pile almost all the time about you. they thirsty afffff 👅 sacral chakra energy, telepathic, creativity, soul ties, obsessive

#tarot cards #tarot #pick a pile #pick a card #psychic readings #pick a picture

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system-of-a-feather · 8 months

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DISCLAIMER SECTION

I'm gonna ramble about race / cultural experiences and trauma (probably) and this time it really isn't a line of thought ignited by syscourse or anything - but I'll tag it's tw anyways cause I'd rather people be able to filter it out than get it out there, but anyways

(for the note this was actually spurred on from a number of conversations I was having with a few parts today at work, one of which being that post about "diagnosed early vs diagnosed late" trauma; none of these points necessarily reply to that but for transparency and context)

For all of this, if any points or topics relate or resonate with you, feel free to comment, reblog, discuss, whatever on this post. Theres a lot of trauma talk on this and some level of details (CW will be provided before each section along with CW: clears), but none of this is really intended as a vent or trauma dump as much as... ya know, just talking about it as it is.

--------

As we've gotten further and further along with our healing, we've come to be a lot more open and comfortable talking about topics specifically relating to our trauma - at least in a C-PTSD / paranoid about giving out things that can be used to hurt us sense - and that is honestly really great and I'm really happy and proud for that

The thing is though, even though we've mostly declawed how easily our main triggers can be poked at and thus enabled us to feel more confident and ok talking about it, we honestly still are hesitant to do so for two main reasons.

One, being a simple lack of motivation to do so as it doesn't really come up and we don't really think about it more than we have to and often when we have to its usually not a place of mind we have the spoons to talk about it - ya know, normal healthy things.

The second though is because we've really come to learn that a lot of people in online trauma and dissociative communities really don't understand a lot of the largest and foundational themes of the trauma we went through and in my experience in the community, more often than not the response I've gotten from sharing that sort of things have always been more uncomfortable at best than helpful or positive.

And I think there are like... maybe three main things about our childhood core trauma that just make it hard to talk about with the tone of the community + the general heavily white area. This isn't meant to be like "oh you are bad if you fall into this" or anything, I don't have any ill intent or "call out" to really anyone even those who might heavily contribute to this cause its not that much talked on afaik. Mostly talking about this in a sort of, I guess commentary? I dunno, food for thought I guess.

But the first area...

as you might expect from this post and some previous ones, is that due to the fact that the community is heavily white-person run and driven and filled with many white peers, a lot of the talk and understanding of "trauma" and what kind of "chronic childhood trauma" typically looks like to form DID is informed by a white and western standard of trauma. And that isn't to say it is WRONG or BAD, but it makes it so that there is an inherent understanding that anything that differs from that is typically "better" rather than looking at the differences in a large scale cultural-context lens. And this sort of stuff has on MULTIPLE occasions had people respond to me venting or sighing about trauma-related stuff and stating that they wish they had that growing up - which I absolutely understand but it is OBVIOUSLY intensely insensitive and lacking in insight. I don't think any of those people who made those comments MEANT bad, but the nature of the discussion of trauma in these spaces being so heavily white centric and run has made it so that people forget to take culture into account and over simplify trauma into this "A is bad and B is - even when bad as well - inherently better". There is probably a level of classism / assumptions based on class as well somewhere in there, but thats a line of thought I hadn't thought much on past just a "yeah that probably plays a role".

(CW: RAMCOA related topics, CSA, etc)

The second...

is that our relationship with our sister falls awkwardly into the "not programming" in the sense of it's scale and intensity, but it would also be incredibly understated to just call it "conditioning" either and this might just be a "my feelings" on the matter than an actual reflection of the community, but I do often feel as though the nature of it not being either would result in it either being minimized OR people assuming I am trying to claim that I have the same thing as those that experienced programming and its just a really awkward place to be in. There is a lot of black and white talk regarding psychological abuse perpetuated by a person in power who has knowledge of DID and toyed with you as an experiment and project by intentionally learning to manipulate the parts. It wasn't at all the same level of proper RAMCOA, but it also was not just "conditioned learning" as our dissociation was actively targeted as a mechanism to create an unquestioning pet - that of which ended off getting pettled off to the a pedophile.

The complexity and nuances of the trauma and relationship we had with our sister like that combined with the very black and white language regarding trauma talk of that kind has made it just really awkward to try to explain to people because its really not either but as far as I know there isn't a term for whatever it was either. While chatting with a part (forgot which honestly whoops) we were thinking of officially just making our own term of like "trained" but idk, we aren't the coining type of folk so *shrugs*

(CW: CLEARED)

The third area...

Is just how messy and black and white the talk around autism. To those that haven't followed this blog from the earliest of early days, it might seem as though we were recently diagnosed with autism (technically true) and thats it and all, but autism has been a HUGELY prevalent part of our childhood and trauma history and honestly none of it really fits into the common narratives in PTSD / CDD spaces.

Firstly, we were neither really "early diagnosed" OR "late diagnosed" as our parents and my oldest sister (who was early diagnosed) noticed it EARLY on and immediately shaped my entire life around my "Aspergers" diagnosis that I was told I had when I actually never saw a professional for. Regardless, to my knowledge, I was diagnosed with aspergers from age 4 until they changed it to ASD and I asked my mom about it again at 15 or 16 when I started seeing a therapist and found out she never actually had me formally diagnosed. I then became "undiagnosable" due to the disorders that they COULD confirm, plus the weird relationship with my sister, and that I was raised in a "heavily autistic environment" where it was very plausible that I simply learned autistic behaviors as - at the time, thank you DID - I was too high functioning / masking and didn't appear to have significant impairment in any other areas other than being "a bit weird" in terms of how I view society and behavior again, both of which could be accounted for by environment + C-PTSD. It wasn't until well after I cleared stabilization for DID and undid a lot of the intense training our sister put us through, did our masking drastically decrease and it became apparent that yeah, we actually are largely impacted by ASD which ended up with us in the last few months being diagnosed. We were diagnosed early, undiagnosed, labeled "can not confirm nor deny if this is ASD", then diagnosed late, all simultaneously and so we don't really know where our word would fall in the general pecking order of "which group does your experiences fall into".

The OTHER thing is that our two primary abusers were autistic and their autism WAS inherently a part of the trauma that we went through and a lot of the talk of autism on the internet is so 'low supports needs' centric and sugar coated that it is very hard to feel comfortable commenting on how actually ugly and harmful autism can be to the individual AND those around them. This isn't to say its Autistic Abuse or any of that garbage, but my abusers autism is not a negligible or coincidental aspect of their abuse. It didn't make them an abuser, but it was still a large part of it.

(CW: Physical abuse and neglect)

My dad is confusing for 5000 reasons and anyone whose had DMs with me for over a year will know I sometimes share some of the REALLY confusing things about my dad (pretty sure he has DID as well but thats a conspiracy theory), but between his cultural trauma, coming from a """third world""" country, and having missed out on certain learning targets growing up due to the aforementioned first two - he has never been given the information, coping skills, treatment, or context to handle his symptoms in anything close to a healthy way. Its only now that hes (I think) in his 60s that my mom got a better understanding of everything that he's gotten any support, but with the sheer lack of assistance in his childhood, teenage years, and adulthood, its both a large task and honestly arguably not fair on him to try to get him to understand it beyond what is necessary to give him a life worth living.

But again, he had no ability and no tools to navigate his symptoms due to his complex and unfortunate situation and he absolutely did the best he could with what he had. Some parts in the system don't forgive him, but almost all of them understand and respect the intent at least. For example, we were poorly fed (and when we were it was usually garbage; think KFC 5/7 days a week for dinner) until we were 16 and able to drag the family into actually cooking because my dad would get into violent and aggressive meltdowns over ANY food smells, ANY mess, and ANY warmth. Cooking was basically forbidden until then because everyone was too afraid to risk it. Like there is a lot more to that, but its not something I'm given as clear access to and I aint gonna pry, but most of the most abusive behavior from him could very much be stemmed down to a sensory or communication issue regarding his untreated autism and a lack of ability to cope with it resulting in violent meltdowns.

(CW: CLEARED)

(CW: ABA)

Likewise, my sister who had been given ABA, from a young age taught me "how to survive in the world as an autistic person" and directly passed on HER version of ABA and HER understanding of autism onto me, which was just a garbage, intentional or not, way to excuse making me into her pet project rather than actually coping with her own trauma. (Plus 95% of the "information" she "taught" me was garbage including the infamous "having multiple consciousnesses in your head is a normal autism thing as long as there are less than 5" that I clown on every other day)

(CW: CLEARED)

I dunno really how to wrap this up, its like a conglomeration of thoughts we had today so its not really well organized but like... I guess AHEM *puts on my highschool english essay hat*

And so I conclude my essay on *checks notes* reasons I feel weird talking about trauma in online spaces? I think thats the point of this post? Idk I'm just rambling XD

#alter: riku #riku rambles #long post #trauma talk #syscourse tw #aba tw #physical abuse tw #neglect tw #ramcoa cw #cw ramcoa #psychological abuse tw #csa tw

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yutaholic · 1 year

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i know everyone is talking abt flipside, but i need the moment to praise how good "before i go" and "make me move" are. THESE STORIES WERE WORTH THE LARGE WORD COUNT. HAD ME SOBBING, HAD ME IN MY FEELS, HAD ME FEEL SO GOOD. I LOVED IT ALL

keep up the work and stay healthy <33333

Thank you so much!! I was working on Before I Go's epilogue last night and it's super cute (it's also surprisingly long and comes with a twist!) Would you like a little snippet of it?? I haven't edited it yet though lol

You leaned back against the headboard and sighed, glancing down at the baby nursing at your breast. Your eyes wandered to Doyoung. Again.

Doyoung afforded you no glances, reading the newspaper, thick-framed glasses resting on his nose. "Will you tell me what's bothering you now?" he asked softly.

You said nothing.

Doyoung turned his head. By the look on his face, he already knew. The adorable baby distracted him, as always, and he reached over to run his hand over her head of dark hair.

You opened your mouth, then closed your lips again. Damn him. You were always determined to be angry when it came to disagreements, but one look from him disarmed you and made any anger fade, leaving you with only affection. And frustration.

Your husband chuckled and kindly lifted the blanket higher, making sure it covered and warmed his daughter on your chest.

"I just don't like it," you finally said.

"I know."

"Then, why do you have to do it?"

"You know why."

You frowned, brows stitching.

Doyoung returned to his newspaper and mumbled, "Don't make that face."

"I can make whatever face I want," you shot back irritably.

"Of course, you can, my love," Doyoung said, voice light as a feather. There was movement against him by way of your son resting between your bodies. He stirred a little and made a noise, and Doyoung quickly rubbed his back to soothe him back to sleep.

You pursed your lips. "I'm going to pull rank."

Doyoung set down the newspaper and turned to you, careful not to wake his son, and spoke softly, "You can't pull rank every time I have to leave."

"Why not?" You sounded like a fussy, petulant child. Though given how little your daughter slept through the night, it came as no surprise.

"Because," your husband trailed, fighting a smile. "You have joint custody of me with the rest of the country."

You bristled. "I have sole custody and they have weekend visitation at my discretion, which is getting smaller by the day."

Doyoung chuckled. He reached over and touched his daughter's cheek. She had dozed off while nursing again. He peered down and smiled at his son, sleeping peacefully with drool glistening on his chin.

He hated leaving you and his babies. He hated it more than anything in the world.

Doyoung heaved a big sigh. "If I postpone this trip..."

You flashed a grin, victorious once again.

"If," Doyoung repeated himself a little louder this time. "I said 'if', as in hypothetically."

"I'm listening." But you knew you had already won.

"You will have to explain to my parents why I can't go."

You giggled and mischief spread across your face. "That's easy. I will let your mother have the kids for a day so my husband can take care of my needs."

Doyoung narrowed his eyes. It was a bad idea letting you bond with his mother. The two of you had become partners in crime since the birth of your son. Becoming a grandmother had flipped a switch in his mom and it was utterly unfair how lax she'd gotten about rules ever since.

"You need a whole day for that?" Doyoung taunted, cocking his head, trying to get a reaction out of you.

You reached over, grabbing his jaw and drawing him close until his lips met yours. You kissed him slowly, hotly, teasing your tongue in his mouth till he let out a tiny groan. That was when you parted, knowing you'd successfully stirred up your husband.

Doyoung broke from your kiss reluctantly, staring into your eyes. "You're gonna wish I had gone on the trip instead," he whispered darkly, returning to his newspaper.

You snickered. "I doubt it."

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mangodestroyer · 4 months

Text

For a while, I was kind of envious of my peers. It just feels like everyone else is getting it "figured out" faster than me. They have long term partners they plan on marrying, or have already married. They either already have or are thinking about having kids. They live on their own and started a career. Many of them are also already done with school, or have something they're doing for a living without a need for college.

But... I'm only in my mid-twenties. Seriously. We're all only in our early to mid twenties (like, 22-24). And some of these people have already decided to settle down and have kids???

I mean, it just hit me at work yesterday that there's so much I'm able to do right now because I DON'T have a long term partner or a child to take care of. In fact, I am chronically single. Never been kissed. Had one long distance relationship (with a little bit of in person time) that was toxic and, tbh, didn't even feel legit. And the whole thing left me feeling depressed and bitter because I'd become convinced that maybe I'm just not the kind of person who finds a loving partner.

But honestly? While I was dating, I just remember getting a lot of shit for still going for my bachelor's. Feeling bad that I didn't make a lot of money at my job (so pretty much being limited with what I could do at the time and what I could contribute). Being made to feel like my ambitions in life were "too much" and were just not going to work for the relationship. It felt like the only way I could make things work was if I buckled down, got my education over with ASAP, worked a "real" job and had kids.

And yeah, it just felt like compromise after compromise. And also, finding ways to "mute" who I am as a person to make things easier. It got to the point where even certain hobbies and interests of mine were becoming "too much." Constant arguments too. And being policed on when and how I could talk. I got so sick of it and just left one day.

People have told me that this isn't normal. That if I just found the right person (TM), they would treat me so much better. But... what I went through does actually seem to be very common. I'm well aware that decent people exist. I've had healthy friendships and all. But what if some of us just don't find the right person?

And also, I still don't think that I'm relationship material anyway. I don't really want to "settle down." I think it's cool that I currently have the ability to just work/go to school in another country without feeling like I'm leaving someone else behind, or having to talk about it with them, or having to work on getting them to come with me, or straight up just not being able to do it. And, if I have time off from work and school, way more time for myself and my interests. More freedom to eat whatever the fuck I want. MY OWN BED.

Yeah, maybe living life the "normal" way is a bit overrated. I'll admit, there's probably always going to be a part of me that wishes I had a companion, but not nearly as much as I used to. Other things in life just sound far more appealing at this point. The only down side to this seems to be that everyone else is so preoccupied with their relationship and starting a family that it's kind of left me feeling a bit lonely. I almost have to wonder if I thought a relationship was the only way to deal with this.

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dotster001 · 1 year

Note

Oh that's exiting!! 🥰 Congrats on the milestone! Wish you many many blessings in this new year of luck and prosperity.

Ab me:

I'm the type who likes solitude and gets excited only around folks that I consider safe and worthy of my time. I'm a believer in principle that people only need you when they want something from you, so choose your peers carefully. Unfortunately, it's a materialistic world and trust issues are formed almost naturally.

I'm very creative and I love art in many forms- whether it be digital drawing, writing or music (female rappers, rock music, pop you've mostly heard of). I'm honest to a fault, people won't like it. They'd think that I'm either a pick-me or high and mighty (I'm not, they're frustrated bc I'm right). However, when I'm with my friends- I'm silly, sweet and caring. I get compliments on my looks, they often say that I'm very feminine (makeup, long dark hair, nice clothes blah blah), intuitive and bright. Although I have insecurities and shortcomings. Whatever.

I love animals. But most of all- the comfort of my own home, more precisely bed (bc I love sleeping :p). I love video games, horrors, thrillers, something that makes my heart race. Especially psychological thrillers, detective series, I consider it food for thought. I play otome bc I'm not in a relationship at the moment.

So I'm watching movies, go shopping and clubbing. I'm also at uni btw (wow how educated :p). Let's be honest- dating scene is not looking very good at the moment. But fortunately- there are ✨anime men✨. Cheers. 🥂

(lmao I feel you about the dating scene, maybe my standards are too high, or I'm 100% aro instead of 50% like my current data suggests, but nothing will ever reach the standard of anime men, especially in fanfiction 😂 honorable mention to Asmo, btw, but...)

I match you with Satan.

It was the detective shows. Let's be real, he really really really wants someone who can watch detective shows with him. Just so you know, the next step is gonna be to make you solve unsolved crimes with him. You'll be the Watson to his Sherlock, right?

You don't have time for idiots? Neither does Satan! You guys can hang together. I'm imagining you both reading quietly in his library, and just holding hands 🥺. (Bonus points if you write a fanfic of the two of you for him…..he will die!) Also, he'd never think you're a pick me. He knows you're you, and that's that.

I'm also imagining you both sneaking cats into the House of Lamentation. You animal lovers are going to have to be very sneaky, but I believe the two of you can outsmart Lucifer if you work together.

You might have to remind him to take care of himself. Once he's in a relationship, that's his entire focus! He has to keep his human safe and happy! But use that heart of yours to remind him that you also want him to be healthy and happy, and to remind him that it's okay to express his wrath from time to time, as long as no one gets hurt. Help eachother.

He will go shopping with you, as long as you let him buy you both matching things. Sometimes it's a plushie he likes, sometimes it's a shirt he saw you eyeing, but a part of him feels really happy getting you things, and matching with you. It reminds him this relationship is real, and you're not using him for status.

Satan entered your room trying to look nonchalant, but clearly pouting.

"What is it?"

"Oh, nothing kitten," he sighed, sitting on your bed. "It's just, it's Wednesday…"

He trailed off, and you muttered, "Wednesday…." under your breath.

"Oh! Wednesday!" You smacked your forehead, "Right, we're supposed to solve crimes today! Sorry, I've got too much homework from my classes today, and I totally forgot."

"It's fine," he said with a soft smile. "I figured. I just thought I'd tease you before I offered to help."

He gently rested his chin on top of your head.

"But in exchange, we have to solve double the crimes next Wednesday."

"Deal," You laughed before showing him your homework.

He looked at it and groaned.

"Let's do this at a cat cafe instead. That'll be way more relaxing."

Before you could say anything, he was collecting your papers into your bag, and grabbing your wrist, dragging you off to a cat cafe.

#matchups #1.5k followers #obey me x reader #obey me #satan x reader #obey me satan

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foggyparadisecandy · 1 year

Text

Common Hypnosis Asks I Get

If you have questions, please hit the Ask (or DM me) and I will be happy to reply.

1. Does hypnosis work?

Yes, it does. How does it work? That's complicated and entire books have been written about it.

Just know that if a particular thing isn't working for you, try a different one. A different induction, different tist, different media, etc.

We're all different and we all respond differently based on any number of factors. Try reading my RESISTANCE trance and ... relax - clear your mind - and focus on the words and let them sink in.

2. Can you hypnotize me?

This is a trickier one.

Short answer is: probably, yes. And I've tranced many, many people that I've met on Tumblr. I've done 7 - 10 trances per week for the last four months.

And that leads to the longer answer: I've gotten myself burned out. I *might* start trancing again in the future. And I *am* still trancing people that were already working with me when they ask for sessions.

But for the most part, I'm moving to lounge mode and chilling out for a bit. As much as I would love to make you all horny, submissive little pets for me, I need to just not for a while.

3. Can hypnosis make me dumb?

Hmmmmm ... now this one is going to make people sad but the truth is "no". Hypnosis cannot make you dumb just as it can't make you smart.

But what it *can* do ... is it can interrupt your thoughts and recall in subtle ways. And I have done this with my "DumDumPond" that I put inside people's heads.

The way it works is things that you have in your mind are replaced with blank spaces, or fog, or a different thing, whatever. So when you would normally think of the number 2, for instance, you instead come up with "???? I can't see what used to be there".

Another way it works is to interrupt thinking with other things. "Every time you start to think a complicated thought, you hear a sexy moan (or a train whistle or a hum or whatever)."

And it can also distract you with things like "if you try to use words over two syllables, you will find it impossible to say or write those words to completion." That has a double whammy of making you always consider syllable counts - which slows down cognitive processing - but it also makes you halt and look and feel dumber.

Are you dumber? No. But you will look and feel dumber. And the dangerous thing is we can become what we feel over time if we do it too often. Internal dialogues are a form of hypnosis.

4. Can you make me attracted to <pick anything you want here>?

This one can only be answered with a question:

Do you believe in conversion therapy? If you do, please leave my blog and block me.

If you are a man and want to be with men, or if you are a woman who wants to be with women, please accept yourself for who you are.

Now it may be extremely challenging, and even, sadly, life-threatening in some parts of the world to be open with who you are. I wish I could change that for you. Honest to god, I wish I had that power.

Since I do not and no hypnotist does, please find a professional to talk to. Find peer groups to talk to. Find others who have faced down similar challenges - not the same, but similar - and can share experiences with you.

Hypnosis is just going to add noise into your head when you need to be clearing up your mind and addressing your desires in a healthy manner.

5. Can you make me a sissy or force feminize me?

Oh darling ... this answer is the same as above for me.

So many men come to me wanting this. Some will have closets full of gear and deep deep desires to literally come out of the closet with their best dress on.

You do not need to be hypnotized for this.

I say this with full understanding that the "forced" angle is a massive kink for many. I also understand that many of my transwomen friends started this way - being forced or diving in deep to sissy hypnosis.

I understand. And yet ... I don't think it's helpful for me to force anyone to do anything and I don't feel comfortable doing it.

I love you for who you are already.

I have, and will, put out some pieces about being a bimbo and ultra-girly. But I'm not converting you. I'm not forcing you. I'm not changing you.

There are lots of files and tists out there that will do that. Please be careful, ok?

6. Can you make me a permanent, mindless slave?

I hear this one a lot. I don't want to get morose but this one depresses me a bunch.

"Mindless slave" for a bit? Ok.

"PERMANENT Mindless slave"? I would never do it and I would never want it done to you.

You are the only you in the world. You are, by definition, unique and special.

Don't trade that in and become a mindless slave to anyone.

I get the desire to escape the unbelievable stresses and anxiety of daily life. I feel it all the time. So I understand this request intimately.

Resist it.

Have fun with hypno and feel aroused and fall into subby space and feel blank and empty for a bit. But don't go chasing becoming mindless for someone please.

There are a lot of assholes out there that would love to take advantage of you, give you what you asked for, dispose of you, and move along. They don't care about you. YOU need to care about YOU.

So do that. Or please seek a proper therapist to discuss your feelings.

You are welcome to hit my Asks or DMs if you are struggling with this idea of how special you are. I can talk for days on end about how special you are.

One individual said to me "you probably say that about everyone you speak with" and, for the most part, that is correct. But it doesn't make it less true.

You are unique. You are special. Deal with it.

7. I listened to a file that made me <insert something here>. Have I permanently damaged myself?

Short answer: most likely not.

Usually triggers and effects don't last even when we want them to, so for the most part, it's unlikely they will impact you forever.

Complicated answer: it's possible to create long-lasting effects that alter you depending on how long you listened and what behaviors you adopted and built around listening.

Personally I'm still struggling a bit with impacts from the B--bi S--ep files. They get lesser and lesser each day but it still makes me want to say: be careful what you allow into your brain.

What sounds fun! may end up being very much not fun.

I wrote a text piece that has the secret of how to remove triggers, compulsions, feelings, and other effects that you might be experiencing. Give it a try here - CLEAR TRANCE.

8. So what do you do? Not trying to offend but you don't seem to do anything fun and exciting, tbh.

Yeah. I bore myself so no offense taken.

I've posted my Trance List. It grows and grows.

I've been writing stories that show my filthy dirty mind (although my stories are a lot more "evil" than I actually am when I trance people).

My tumblr is my open mind with all my fetishes, desires, kinks, and things I enjoy doing with hypnosis:

Making pets - not slaves.

Helping pets improve their lives.

Lifting people up and helping them see their uniqueness.

Putting people in mental collars to make them horny and submissive.

Making people horny AF - many, many, many ways to do this.

Putting in safety triggers or "bad trigger" removal systems.

Establish places of strength and power in people's heads.

Establishing triggers and places that people can use on their own - without me.

Trancing and relaxing people - just for relaxation purposes.

Putting people to sleepy time - so they can drop off at night.

Encouraging women to be more dominant (only within their limits and desires).

And much, much more.

If you have questions about me or hypnosis, please Ask!

#hypnosis #hypnokink #brainwashing #mind control #hypnotized #trancing #safe play #trance #consensual

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