#trauma talk

[itspyon]

maybe it's because i am unable to feel emotions like normal people do, but i find myself slightly disturbed by the way people have this sort of, emotional hierarchy when it comes to being empathetic towards others

"i am sorry you are going through the worst time of your life. however, the way you are coping makes me uncomfortable, so you need to stop"

it's like a priority list. first goes what i feel, then things that don't affect me but i empathize with. whatever is below that must be quieted down and put under control, because i seem to be unable to extend sympathy to things that make me feel bad, because my emotions go first, and if my emotions are bad, you are bad

it makes for this weird oppression olympics of sorts. and this justifies the somewhat entitlement to telling others what they are, and what to do

"you made me uncomfortable, so you're manic" "i am displeased by this, you're having a breakdown" as if those two were cause and effect, and the main important things is that i am uncomfortable, that i am displeased . and not that a heavily traumatized person is showing signs of coping.

that is lower on the hierarchy, because it's not directly about me

empathy is one of those emotions i have a weird grasp of, so i'm not really able to choose who i extend it to. it just happens. this whole thing feels strange from my perspective at least, because there's a perfectly rational reason as to why dream behaves the way he does, and yet people don't see it because their displeasure with his actions, even if they are just an emotional response to trauma, goes above being empathetic

i guess feeling uncomfortable and being able to see the other side at the same time is a skill you practice ? but the consequences of not being able to do it seem really traumatic for all parties involved

essay andying sorry

#pyon long post #trauma talk

[system-of-a-feather]

I'm struggling with words, which I guess is why we leave it to Riku to make the Good Posts, but throwing the "lets make it sound like a good post" and just focusing on saying what I'm thinking

But I think a really common misunderstanding / stuck point that traumatized folk get stuck in is that your present pain is proof of the hurt that happened in the past and its sometimes the only proof and acknowledgement to what horrible shit happened in the past. Sometimes being in pain is the only way to feel like a "real survivor" and the only way to show that what happened really happened and to be taken seriously.

But as you recover, that pain in the present lessens, and some might have the irrational (but valid) idea that as you feel less pain, the reality of the trauma becomes lighter, that it becomes any more "ok", that you go from a "survivor" to a not-traumatized person as PTSD symptoms go in remission - but that's really not the case.

As you recover a lot of the time, you just begin to be rooted less in the past and begin engaging in your life despite what had happened. Your life becomes more about what you are doing now and less about what had happened to you. Life goes on, but just because life goes on doesn't give excuses to what had happened or the abusers, it doesn't disappear the damage done and the context that experience had to your present self, it doesn't make the hurt you felt then disappear. All it is, is moving forward and when moving forward, you are still you.

If you don't want to identify as a survivor as you heal, that is totally fair and amazing, but also, no amount of healing will take away my right to being a survivor. It defined a large part of my life and what made me who I am today.

I'm not so sure and don't have such clarity with my words to put it in a neat bow tie Riku does, but I think what I am trying to say is that it is okay to let yourself feel good and experience life - that feeling good and experience life doesn't negate or disqualify your trauma or undermine the pain you went through.

You can hold the truth of your trauma in your past and your happiness in the present together, at the same time, in the same space, as a singular part / person.

#alter: lin #trauma talk #ptsd #c-ptsd #recovery #csa survivor #csa tw #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder

[traumatizedjaguar]

Having emotionally immature parents is so draining, it’s draining to have parents who live their lives in the most boring, un-engaging way. I feel sorry and guilty for them but like it’s the truth. There’s no emotional empathy, there’s no emotional connection or engagement. There’s no intimacy, I’ve noticed it’s just who they are because they can’t do it with anyone. Every abuser is like this. The conversations are bland, the only things they’re capable of is manipulating others, using unnecessary stupid charm because they’re only out for people to like them, and being fake with “deep” topics about aliens or science, oooo, but it comes off SO OBVIOUSLY FAKE, THE INTIMACY OF THESE “deep” CONVERSATIONS COMES OFF SO FAKE, and it’s because they only bring it up because “normies do it” and then cut it off too quickly, are bland even talking about “deep” topics, and so it comes off obviously fake because it is fucking fake. Because they lack emotional connection to you. You end up with chronic emptiness and feelings of being like a void or zombie around them. It sucks. There’s no deep discussions about feelings, emotions, or deeper things you’d engage with a person about, getting emotionally invested in each others lives. Abusers can’t do intimacy. They are boring beyond boring; the lack of emotional connection they don’t have for you.

YOU NEED EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH YOUR KID TO RAISE THEM HEALTHY AND TO MAKE SURE THEY AREN’T NEGLECTED!

Holy fuck they are so fake and superficial. And they have the fake ass annoying glib being all fluent and voluble but insincere and shallow.

They are:

Insincere,

Shallow,

Fake,

And manipulative

That sounds like every abuser and who wants to be around that shit? Fuck them

I can’t stand shallow people theyre boring. The superficial charm wears off so quick then it’s right back to getting rid of their asses like they’re nothing.

I can’t stand fake people.

Fuck fake people. Our world needs a cleansing.

Bring back the floods lmao im serious.

#my text #trauma talk #let’s talk childhood abuse rn #neglect #cptsd #ptsd #actually neglected #actually bpd #actually abused #actuallytraumatized #actuallyabused #actually cptsd #cptsd problems #cptsd vent #childhood abuse #traumatic #traumatized #abusive home life #parental abuse #emotionally immature parents #actually borderline #borderline pd #borderline personality disorder #cptsd symptoms #cptsd life #actually traumatized #actually bullied #fake ass people #superficial charm #traumacore

[kny-agere]

This is something I haven’t seen people talk about a lot and I understand why, but I’m just curious if anyone else has experienced this.

CW: hypersexuality (still relates to agere I promise,, but not sexualizing it!! never that!!)

Something I’ve always struggled with is the fact that my trauma that caused me to age regressed also often presents itself sexually. I think expressing myself through age regression is a lot healthier for me so that’s what I tend to focus on. But occasionally I get an intrusive thought where the two different outputs are expressed at the same time.

What I’ve found helpful for me is

1. Moving away from the thought. I don’t entertain it or anything, I redirect my attention to another scenario or a movie or something.

2. Reassuring myself that this isn’t purposeful and doesn’t define my actual thoughts about age regression. Age regression is not sexual and will never be. Just because I think about something doesn’t mean I actual desire it.

I just wanted to share especially because I like more “unconventional” things that I feel are also stigmatized (diapers, which I wear on occasion but don’t *use* and breastfeeding which I don’t think I’d be open to irl but like to imagine). Which I’m not necessarily helping because I have them blocked from requests. It’s a hard balancing act because I don’t think those things are inherently sexual but also worry that people who read them won’t think the same way.

I hope that other people who read this can feel less alone if they struggle with the same feelings. I’ve floated in and out of the agere community so maybe I’m just out of the loop but I wanted to put my thoughts somewhere :)

#cw big talk #age regression #age regressor #sfw agere #cglre #agere talk #tw trauma #trauma talk #agere #idk what else to tag #feelings

[missempanada]

Stop saying Nico is OOC

As someone who heavily relates to Nico because of my development as a person, seeing people say he’s “out of character” in The Sun and The Star feels like a slap in the face.

He’s not out of character. He’s healing.

If you remember how he was before Bianca died and before he ran away from Camp Half Blood, he was just a little kid jumping around, calling gods “cool”, asking Percy if he was good at surfing. Then everything we know happened which made him become this gloomy character. 

Something similar happened to me and I think something similar happened to mostly everyone who relates to Nico in some type of way. When I was a child I was very talktative and I also was quite nerdy in my peers’ eyes. So first it came the bullying. Then issues at home. Then I developed an ED and started self-harming. And of course I had a lot of internalized homo and biphobia. After 10 years I can sort-of say I got my old self back - but not truly, because I’ll never be able to be the same way I was a child. I feel so disconnected from my teenage self to the point where I feel closer to the version of me I was when I was 6. However I’m still alive and though I still have disordered behaviors I can surely say I’m happier than I’ve ever been in the past 14 years.

If someone who I knew when I was 14 suddenly came up to me and said I have changed not in a good way but complaining I would feel so sad. Please let people and characters -and the people who relate to those characters- heal.

Nico won’t ever be the same way he was when he first showed up in The Titan’s Curse. But he won’t be that gloomy broody teenager we know and love neither. And that’s okay. He’s back to making jokes and pop culture references and saying things out of the blue. Some of these jokes are self-deprecating ones cause that’s the way he is now and that’s okay. Rick Riordan won’t write your “uwu emo gay baby” anymore and you’ll have to deal with it.

The Sun and the Star has some issues and a lot of its criticisms are valid. But Nico being out of character is not one of theme. Please let trauma survivors heal.

(this chart kinda sums it up)

#Nico di Angelo #solangelo #the sun and the star #pjo #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #rick riordan #riordanverse #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #fanon nico #mischaracterization #ghost king #the ghost king #important #trauma talk

[blue-phoria]

does anyone know what its called when someone tries to convince you that an event in your life was more traumatising than it actually was for you personally Like when people admit they found cartoon/real porn as a kid and it really wasn't that bad for them - and then people start to freak out like "THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED I'M SO SORRY ;;" Like trauma is universal or something? ?

#proship #profiction #trauma talk

[tqsg]

okay @jilli-rat2 for as a child by madeline the person

i gotta admit i had to really think about this one so might be sloppy sjskskdk

the one ive decided on however is valgrace / how leo feels towards jason .! the thing that really pulled me towards this was the lines “and it burns for a while, and it hurts all the more, when you carry the world as a child”. ohmygod i have so much to say about this sjdkdkdk. first off, the obvious (probably). leo, burning, yknow,, BUT !! (and i could talk about this forever) i very strongly believe that leo’s fire powers are symbolic of his trauma / life / past / etc. kind of like a burning sensation, it lingers. similar to how trauma responses work, if you understand what im saying lmao. they last way longer than the actual event itself, which is what fire feels like. a log can burn for a long time. going on to the second and third lines, i think these lines could very well be referencing hera and how she treated him as her hero. when he was little, he was basically told that the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. sure, he probably didn’t understand at the time, but hera still told leo this over and over. when leo’s mom died, and he saw gaea in the fire, this became evident to him. he couldn’t escape his destiny any longer. “all that i’ve wanted is to talk to someone who is dead” could be talking about jason, after jason passed. leo never truly even said goodbye, so it’s kind of like this song is him talking to the winds, letting his mind think jason can here him. kind of like he’s telling jason all these things, knowing jason will never hear them. leo isn’t necessarily good at being overly vulnerable or truthful, so he’ll talk to the winds instead. idk if this makes any sense ajskdk but yeah!

#roy speaks #music analysis #leo valdez #jason grace #valgrace #riordanverse #burning ment #fire ment #trauma talk #death talk

[itspyon]

maybe im wrong here but I don't think people are on the same page as dream as to what the "joke" in the tiktok is. like dream made a sarcastic jab at the fact that people send him weird shit with uncomfortable jokes on it because of the situation he's had to live with for the past year and the fact that they hate him. he's not joking about the words on the shirt, he's uncomfortable with the words on the shirt too. I still didn't like the tiktok and it made me uncomfortable, but people tweeting about "holding him accountable", a phrase which has really lost all meaning to me because it gets thrown around and misused, have lost the plot to me. idk.

i feel this too. he didn't say "haha i actually do like kids", he reacted to a foreign object a stranger gave him. he's having the same triggered reaction as us, just from a different position

#pyon askies #trauma talk

[system-of-a-feather]

Relating to this post and this post, but I feel there is this stigma around "being triggeered" an acting in a way that is charged by the fact you are "triggered" as though it undermines your actions, invalidates your actions, or makes you wrong because its some "mental health symptom"

But being triggered literally has no weight to it and while it provides context, does not inherently make anything right or wrong, good or bad, valid or not.

In fact, I would even make the claim that being triggered really isn't inherently even a negative thing to be in all situations. Often times? Yes. Sometimes though? Its adaptive, appropriate, and useful to handle situations.

The difference? Control, awareness, and moderation - as well as just generally how deeply triggered you are. (cause if you are having full on flashbacks and full dissociative freeze, theres little 'control' you can put to that level of triggered; for the point of this post, I am talking about emotionally triggered / passively triggered)

There is nothing inherently wrong with operating in / from a mindset informed and charged by past experiences. Can it be excessive? Yes. Can it cloud judgement? Yes. Can it get out of hand and become self destructive / harmful and add more stress and harm to oneself if left to fester? Yes. Are any of those inherently going to happen if you indulge and allow those feelings to have space to air and inform your decisions? Absolutely not.

Cause here's the thing - especially with DID - being triggered can take up a fucking huge part of your life if you have C-PTSD or a CDD - thats just the facts of the life. If you have DID, you might have parts and fragments that in the very essence of them, are going to be triggered cause theyre trauma holders, EPs, fragments, and what not. Some of them literally don't exist outside of the constant internal existence of what they've been through. If you are going to wait until you are "not triggered" to live your life, you are never going to get anywhere. If you treat being triggered as this moral failing or intellectual failing, you are going to deeply struggle to build a loving relationship with the hurt you've been through.

The ways you act when you are triggered had / have a purpose. Even if the behavior is 99.9% of the time maladaptive and unhealthy, at least ONCE in your life it was adaptive and served to tell and communicate something stupid fucking important - otherwise it would not be there.

The challenge is figuring out what that stupid fucking important thing is beyond the stress that those 99.9% maladaptive behaviors and mindsets while triggered are, but every part and every trauma response is there to tell you something you need to know.

If you are able to be okay with being triggered, know where it comes from, know what its trying to tell you, know where it intends to go and what it will want to do, and you are able to walk away from it when you realize it is no longer serving you, being "triggered" can be an aid in your recovery and life in the occasional moments when that percentage of "adaptive behavior" presents itself.

XIV 1.0 was a pure solid EP who literally only experienced sadistic high from causing problems and screwing over established structures and would ACTIVELY look for things to be annoyed at / mad about and people making silly exploitable mistakes so that he could make them regret it and so he could get a high of some ambiguous concept of "dominating" and thus crushing people. It stems from the fact that in our household it was eat or be eaten and the most aggressive manipulative and intimidating person controlled the house, including safety, security, food, and if our dad was going to rage and hurt people. Having that insane high and joy from sadistically dominating people the second they make a single exploitable mistake is something that SEVERELY saved our ass growing up when we were a preteen left to figure out how to make sure our parents didn't get us killed.

Upon fusing with Rayku years ago I really realized as FUNNY and FUN as all that shit still registered to me, as much of an addictive high it gave me, the only place that shit was going to get me was an early grave and hurting everyone else in the system so I put a few years into learning to put that skill and joy on the shelf to use if it is ever needed again.

And every so often? Someone gets power hungry and abusive in a way that is fucked up and needs to be shaken, torn down, and have the small little mistakes exploited to punish shitty people behavior, and yeah, I'll be running off of a similar mindset to my trauma environment. Yeah I'll be having almost the same feelings and disproportionate focus and adrenaline. Yeah I'll essentially be having a passive emotional ""flashback"", but at any point, anyone in the system can say "hey XIV thats enough" and I literally can take a deep breath, sigh, and put it aside and go "yeah you're right"

I can choose to allow this to fester and direct my actions and I can choose to put it away as we see it necessary.

So yeah I am probably technically "triggered", but thats honestly by intention. Its helpful and adaptive. It lets me take down shit I find disgusting. I can put it away whenever I want to, I just simply choose to not, because in this moment, being triggered is far more helpful and adaptive to my current goals in life than being placated and peaceful. Plus, because we can turn it on and off as we need, everyone else can just exist as they do while I sit and indulge this when I feel the need to and trust that others will just tell me to cool it if I ever get too deep.

Cause honestly, its also this openness to indulge "being triggered" that is like... honestly the crux of being able to fuse and unfuse at relative will. It's how Chunn and I fuse and unfuse like every few weeks. We choose to indulge our exaggerated corners of the brain when we want to be seperate and shrug it off and let them meld when we want to be together.

#alter: xiv #fusion fuckery #wishiwashi #wishiwashi recovery #trauma talk #cptsd #ptsd #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #final fusion #functional multiplicity #syscussion #sysconversation #xiv rant

[padded-daydreams]

Hihi, I've been wanting to try nappies for a long time and I have a question if you're comfortable, of course no pressure to answer! I mostly want nappies for overnight wear, cuz I have trouble going to the bathroom at night, but people say using nappies while laying down if difficult. I don't understand what that means, do they leak? Sorry if you're not the right person to ask, thank you either way!

No problems, thank you for asking.

When people say that it is "difficult to use laying down" it is not literal. Whether the diaper is going to leak has more to do with how absorbent it is vs the position you are in.

The idea of it being more difficult in certain positions is that for a lot of adults, the mind has been trained to hold it in instinctively. It can feel embarrassing or difficult to let yourself do. After years of not wearing diapers, it can be a bit of a mental challenge to allow yourself to use a diaper. It can take some time to use one comfortably, but this will vary from person to person.

If you are able to pee standing up (or do it in the shower) sometimes that is a more comfortable position to get used to using a diaper. Will vary from person to person.

Personally, I did have some trouble at first with using diapers again. As someone with DID who age regresses to try and make the present more comfortable, sometimes being in a younger mental state is less comforting and more terrifying because remembering childhood is rarely a good thing. Sometimes wearing a diaper can be a (PTSD) trigger. Even the small things, like knowing that using the diaper makes everyone mad at you. Or just that you know at a time where you were wearing that thing you were not safe at all and had no power over anything.

I've always had an issue with having a bladder that is way too small and it is a daily constant anxiety keeping track of when I have to go use the toilet or not. It is hard to tell when I even have to go and when I do there is an instinct to hold it in constantly, and being able to relax is difficult because of how ingrained "hold it in and wait" is in my brain. Using diapers helps though. Now I can play video games without getting up like every 20 minutes. Until I run out of diapers and remember I don't have money for more.

Idk how relevant this is, but I am autistic. I was not diagnosed until later in life (though apparently it was generally assumed I was since I was able to interact with others but no one ever made accommodations for that in favor of abuse) but that doesn't mean it didn't heavily affect me. A lot of neurotypicals only care about the part of autism that affects regulation of emotions because that is what is most inconvenient to other people to deal with. However, autism affects the ability to regulate most functions, including but not limited to body temperature and when you have to use the toilet (can vary from person to person). My point is that the time I was in diapers originally ended before I was actually potty trained and I just tried to hide that to avoid being yelled at and punished. Whenever I couldn't hide it, I was yelled at anyway because I kept ruining clothes or ruining the bed or whatever. My point is that there can be a lot of internalized shame around the issue that can be hard to unlearn. Things would probably be better if people didn't like punishing developmental delays than helping them but nothing I can do about that.

My point is that trauma affects things and I have the term "training potty" filtered because it's too triggering to even think about that.

#i kind of went off on a tangent past the cut that gets a bit rambly and peraonal and probably irrelevant #💚 ask about diapers #anon ask #ask response #ageredips #sfw diaper blog #agere diaper wearing #sfw padded agere #padded agere #wetting cw #sfw diaper wearing #trauma talk #rambling vent #rambling thoughts

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

I think you said that Reader has anxiety and ADHD at one point, are they aware of that at this point in the story? love the fic and hope you have a great night <3

(Forgive me for answering a bunch of questions in one post, but these are all kinda related i swear)

As of now (chapter 7), Reader is completely unaware that they have anxiety and ADHD! They've likely been struggling with it their whole life but for one reason or another, they never had someone tell them "no that's not normal but you can get help" and, being the genius they are, they never realized it themselves. They've been under the impression, their whole entire dumb, dumb life, that everyone thinks and feels the same way they do and they're just particularly bad at handling life in general.

(also thank u!!!!!)

(more questions n answers under the cut!)

They're actually quite talented! They would have been considered to have a gift, or maybe even been thought of as a prodigy, in their college years- if only they had better work habits. But, like they do now, back then they worked themselves to sickness and exhaustion- to the point where they were often so clumsy, while working with heavy and dangerous equipment, that once they had to give themselves stitches. Which, y'know. Generally affects performance. If they'd kept better care of themselves and maybe allowed themselves a break once or twice, they would've been in the top of their classes!

So they are very talented at it! But struggling to hold themselves together in college and seeing their grades suffer for it, and a preexisting case of perfectionism and anxiety, doesn't exactly help you feel very confident.

I know some of y'all aren't gonna like the vagueness, but... That part is really up to you.

Even in college, their habits were considered especially bad, and they have a hard time (sometimes to the point of outbursts) accepting that they AREN'T fine and that they DO need help, and they are under the notion that certain people NEED TO STRUGGLE in order to become better at being people- which are all very not good thought processes and could definitely be the result of some kind of trauma, but which could also be explained by years of bottled up self doubt and anxiety.

(If you want my PERSONAL take? As in its not canon to the story, but what I would assume if I was the one reading it? They grew up in a household where they were never praised and never treated as though their best was good enough. They internalized that, and became obsessed with finding a way to be "good enough," even if it means putting their own physical and mental health to the wayside. this aint a canon take tho u can believe whatever u want and thats equally as canon as my thoughts!!!)

#trauma talk #mental illness #anxiety #adhd #reader be like #self sabotage is my middle name ✨✨✨ #it was in reality not fine fic #not fine fic #bones of a rabbit #bones of a rabbit fic #asks #anonymous asks #fanfic rambles #rambles #long post

[aceyanaheim]

My friends room mate: closes the door strongly

Me: great now i have to clean your kitchen

#personal #more expresso less depesso #trauma talk #i domt think shes mad ar me being here for the record i just have....reactions 🎉

[sammy431]

Yes Mr. Therapist I am aware I start crying whenever I talk about missing a certain person and that this person is someone I can theoretically contact at any point. But have you considered. What if they don’t want to hear from me? What if I bother them? Have you considered that Mr. Therapist???

#pouting while doing therapy homework #listen I know the worst that could happen is they say they never want to talk to me ever #and that’s not the end of the world #but depression + isolation + RSD = it would kind of fucking feel like that #and I don’t feel like dealing with it today #trauma talk

[didireallygetdid]

trauma is fucked up

tried eating a turkey burger and halfway though, instantly had a surge of panic so bad I almost threw up. Then I shook for an hour afterwards, had flashbacks for memories that aren't mine and that I don't know, and needed meds to sleep. and then still had fucked up dreams

hate this disorder

#complaining #trauma talk #vomit mention #suit

[citrine-elephant]

growing up being shamed for things that made me happy/excited was and still is a reaallly fuckin strange thing

as i'm unlearning all of that, i've got a bit of a "culture shock" ig you could call it?

that "oh this relatively mundane thing is actually pretty cool!" feeling is a thing most people feel without the thought of "oh there must be something wrong with me if i'm enjoying this?"

fascinating how the human brain works, genuinely.

#trauma talk #this is about a bucket truck #the dude riding the bucket made me think 'oh that looks fun!' #hee hee hoo hoo