#i will cry and try to force myself to sleep even for just an hour or so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

todayisawthewhxlewxrld · 4 months

Note

Ok. I have a request took me a lot of courage to finally request and shat myself a couple times but anyway! A one shot where choso lives in y/ns dorm with them and he was like doing his hair and kept messing up and gave up and started crying (I FEEL LIKE THATS SOMETHING HED DO THE POOR BOY:() thennnn y/n walks in their dorm and sees him crying and then comforts him and does his hair for him!!

IF THAT AIN'T LOVE THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS!

synopsis// choso is having an off day.

➚ pairing// choso x gn!reader ➚ word count// 1.4k

contents// frustrated/sad choso? idk just some hurt/comfort in a way! fluff?? could be read as either platonic or romantic doesnt really matter i supposeeee? i think it kinda reads more romantic tho

notes// anon ur actual fucking MIND. i was moved. literally right after reading ur request i opened up my notes and went to fucking WORKKK!!!! anyway sorry its so kinda all over the place but i hope u like it and it lived up to ur expectations!! n also sorry to everyone else for posting a oneshot mid smau its short n cute okay (AND ITS FUCKING CHOSO SO LIKE CMON???) i couldnt help myself !! also the title is lyrics from cupid's chokehold by gym class heroes... okay bye!

Sharing a dorm with Choso was heavenly.

Because of your conflicting schedules, half the time, you rarely actually saw each other. But even when you did, he was the type of roommate to keep to himself; he has his side of the room, and you have yours. Of course, you two talked here and there; he was actually pretty nice company whenever you two were actually in the room at the same time. But more often than not, the only time you would see him was late at night when you were just getting in to go to sleep.

Either way, the point is, you never really saw him around much. Choso was always quick and effective, so by the time you would head back to your dorm after a few of your classes, he would just be heading out or have already left.

Usually, his alarm would go off an hour before his classes, which is ample time for him. He’s done his routine hundreds of times before—doing his hair and eyeliner is practically muscle memory, and at this point he's sure he could do it in his sleep. but not today, apparently. Today his alarm goes off late—half an hour late. Which Choso isn’t panicked by, only slightly frustrated, but it's fine. That still leaves him another half an hour to get ready, so there's still plenty of time given that it only takes him 10–15 minutes to get ready, so it's fine. Everything is fine; he repeats it in his head like a mantra, like if he thinks it and says it enough, he’ll actually believe it.

Choso quickly dresses, then sits at his desk, where a little mirror sits. He sighs as he flips on a lamp and grabs his eyeliner. He doesn’t even have to think about it, instinctively taking the cap off and bringing it to his eye, only for it to crumble as it meets his waterline. Choso cusses under his breath as he blinks, attempting to get whatever fell into his eye out. When that doesn't work, he rubs his eye, only for it to spread eyeliner all across his eye and cheek. He groans, grabbing a cloth to wipe it off with, and once his face is clean, he doesn't even bother trying with his eyeliner again—looking at the time, he’s already wasted more than he wanted doing that. He’ll just do his hair and leave, or else he’ll be late.

Choso stills for a moment, forcing himself to take a deep breath to try and calm the nerves and frustration simmering beneath his skin—it's fine. He nods. Now somewhat calmer, he grabs his hair ties and gets to work… only for one of them to break as he’s trying to put his hair through it. Choso stares at himself in the mirror, eyes narrowed and swallowing harshly, as he desperately tries to ignore the rising heat going to his cheeks.

Whatever.

It's fine.

He’ll just do the other side of his hair...only for the same thing to happen. Choso can actively feel his heart racing—it's pounding against his chest and ringing in his ears—and he’s already too far gone to notice or even stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. He doesn’t really know why he’s actually crying, if he’s being honest. It’s not like this is the end of the world; he knows that, yet he can't stop himself. Too many things have gone wrong, and he’s barely woken up. First, his alarm goes off late, which isn't the most horrible thing within itself, but then his eyeliner crumbles and gets in his eye, and when he tries to wipe it away, it instead smears on his face. Then he rubs his face raw, trying to get it off, and now he can't do his fucking hair because his hair ties suddenly decided to disintegrate and snap in half.

He messily wipes at his tears and tries inhaling deeply for air in a feeble attempt to calm himself the tiniest bit down. It doesn't do anything. In fact, it makes things worse. His tears fall harder, and he’s choking in shallow breaths of air. If anyone walked in right this moment, they’d think something horrible happened, like one of his brothers died. and it's just his luck, or a very obvious lack thereof, when you walk in. Choso immediately starts scrambling to wipe his tears away and hide his face from you as you drop your things in shock—you hadn’t expected him to still be in the dorm, let alone be here crying.

“Holy shit, Choso, are you okay? What's wrong? Did something happen?” You panic, immediately running to his side.

He doesn’t say anything; he just takes in and lets out shaky breaths as he shakes his head, one arm outstretched to keep you at arm's length.

You frown and look around. For what? You’re not sure. Part of you thinks if you look hard enough, you'll find why he’s crying, but all you see are snapped hair ties, a crumbled, unsharpened eyeliner pencil, and a cloth full of eyeliner. That’s when it all starts to make sense. You smile softly at him, who's still hiding his red tear-stained face from you, before you grab his comb and a new pair of hair ties from his desk.

Choso doesn’t know what you're doing when he hears you shuffling around, and he refuses to meet your gaze, filled to the brim with embarrassment at having been caught crying, but his head involuntarily snaps up, looking at you through the mirror, when he feels you start to brush his hair. You're already staring back at him and flashing him a warm smile, not saying a word as you continue to detangle his hair.

“You don't have to do this,” he sniffles, finally calming down enough to say something.

"I know I don't," you shrug. "But I also know it sucks when it seems like nothing is working or going to plan, so..."

"I can do it myself-“

"Choso, just let me do this for you, please.”

He stares at you for a moment, studying your face as if trying to find something, and when he finds nothing but your soft eyes and willingness—your desire—to do this for him, he sighs and nods. You beam and gleefully get back to work on his hair, and Choso finds that he’s no longer embarrassed by being seen crying but rather by the fact he feels like a doll—but the worst part? It's kind of nice.

He likes having someone do this for him with no hesitation; he likes the way your fingers carefully rake through his hair to ensure there's no tangles even though you just combed it; he likes the way you don't tie the ponytails too tight like he usually does, which only results in a pounding headache he can't get rid of; he likes all of it.

He likes all of it so much so that he finds himself closing his eyes in complete bliss, drowning in your gentle touches. You poof up one of his ponytails a bit, ready to tell him you're done, when you look into the mirror and notice his eyes closed, looking like he’s in a whole other world. You can't fight your smile off as you play with his ponytail for a bit longer before slowly wrapping your arms around him and resting your head on his shoulder.

“What do you think?” You whisper, your breath softly fanning against his ear.

Choso opens his eyes, surprised to see you pretty much hugging him from behind, yet he doesn't hate it, not one bit. Too caught up about how much he does not hate this; he doesn't respond, and it makes you nervous.

“Sorry… I know they don't look exactly like how you usually do them, but-“

"No, no,” he cuts you off quickly. “They look amazing... Thank you, y/n...”

You smile, happy with his answer, as you untangle yourself from him and stand up. “You should head out now, Choso; you're late.”

He blinks, totally forgetting about class, and hurriedly stands up. "Right, thank you again,” is all he’s saying before rushing out the door.

You giggle slightly before yawning and making your way to your bed, ready for your usual nap, when Choso comes rushing back into the dorm again. You stare at him wide-eyed, and he simply stares back.

You furrow your eyebrows, confused, and are about to ask if he's okay when suddenly he blurts out:

"I wouldn’t mind if you did my hair again.”

©TODAYISAWTHEWHXLEWXRLD

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greatooglymooglyyy · 29 days

Text

The Last Ride Chapter Six (AU Cowboy!C.Sturniolo)

summary: when spoiled and sheltered city girl Y/N finds herself in running in the wrong crowd, her dad gives her an ultimatum. it's either spend the summer of her gap year on her uncle's ranch or face being cut off and finding a job. just when she thinks it can't get any worse, she meets Chris, the brooding farmhand who thinks he knows her type. but as the summer goes on, they both realize there may be more to the other than meets the eye.

requested and advised by @rootbeerworshiper

series masterlist

contains: angst, mentions of parental death, parental abandonment, fluff, cussing, 2.8k words

“Fuck!”

I yank my fingers out from where they’ve been caught in the wooden gate, wrapping my other hand around them to try to alleviate the throbbing sensation that overtakes my every thought.

Chris tuts, running back to the truck to grab something while I blink back tears. I do not want to cry in front of him over a jammed finger, even if it hurts like a bitch. He jogs back quickly with the ice pack from our lunches that he’s wrapped in a bandana. “Let me see.”

I reluctantly place my hand in his and let him apply pressure to my fingers with the cold damp cloth, hissing when he makes contact.

We lock eyes for a second but I look away, taking the ice pack from him and pulling away. The last thing I want to do right now is give him another chance to create a meaningless moment between us.

Chris takes the hint, stepping back and running a hand through his hair. “It looks like it’s gonna swell up on you. Maybe you should go find your uncle and take the day.”

I nod, examining my fingers and cautiously moving them. It strings but I doubt they’re broken. Still, any excuse to get a day off this ranch is one I’m willing to take. I start to head back towards the chickens, where I saw my uncle last when I hear Chris softly call my name.

Turning back, I give him a hard look of disdain. I can only assume the worst is to come out of his mouth. “What?”

His face drops and he shakes his head, muttering a low “never mind” before he heads back to the pickup truck. He’s actually given me a rare amount of space today after the weekend’s events, only speaking to me to give out tasks and then making himself scarce.

I watch him for a second, taking in his seemingly hurt expression. Something like sadness settles in my chest before I force myself to look away and shrug it off. I won’t allow myself to feel guilt over something that isn’t my fault.

Hopefully, he’s feeling regret after giving me yet another tragic date story to add to the books. That is if he’d even call it a date. Not that it matters. I’m here to pay off a debt, not worry about whether or not some small-town playboy is hot or cold.

*********************************************************

I wake up still a bit woozy from the pain medication that Aunt Birdie gave me when I got home. Not wanting to force myself back to sleep, I head into the living room to watch TV. I expected both of them to be sleeping by now, but Uncle Buck sits rocking gently in his chair when I enter the living room.

He looks up at me and gives me a gentle smile. “How ya feeling, darling? How’s the hand?”

I flex my fingers for him, only the slightest bit of tenderness still lingering. “I think I’ll keep it.” I joke, walking over to take the seat nearest him.

Buck laughs softly, bringing his beer can to his lips and taking a sip. He clears his throat before he speaks, trying to sound casual. “And Chris? You keepin’ him?”

I raise an eyebrow, leaning forward in surprise. “Not you too, Uncle Buck.” Birdie had tried for hours to convince me of Chris’ merits after Friday’s shit show but my uncle had kept silent. Until now.

He puts the beer down and runs a hand over his face as if he’s already exhausted of the conversation. “I don’t wanna get into young folks' business or nothin’. But I heard through the grapevine what went down.”

Rolling my eyes at the small-town rumor mill, I sit back with a sigh. “Uncle-”

“I just wanna make sure you’ve got the whole story, Y/N. That’s all. Y’all are more similar than I think y’know.”

He breathes out heavily as he starts, shaking his head like the story pains him.

“Chris’ mama and daddy were one of those old classic love stories. I mean real lovey-dovey shit, high school sweethearts, prom king and queen, write a song about it, whole nine yards. Never seen two people be in love quite like that.

They got hitched fresh out of school and had him not long after. We all thought they were seven fools for getting settled so young. But they didn’t care. They were happy as a tick on a fat dog. You’d catch ‘em round town, hand in hand with this little boy, lookin’ straight off a Hallmark card. Picture perfect for years.

But then she got sick. Somethin’ wrong with her heart. Docs say she needs this big scary surgery or she won’t see another year. But right before it’s scheduled… they find out she’s pregnant. All those years after Chris. A little girl. So she refuses the surgery. The whole town tried to talk sense to that woman but nothing worked. And his daddy… man it was like he was this shell of a person. Like he was already gone before she had a chance to get better.

So when she died giving birth and he took off a few months later, it wasn’t even a surprise to much of anybody. Something snapped inside of him and I’d bet my last dollar that wherever he is, he’s still broken.”

My heart feels like it’s straining against my chest as I listen to his story, the air seeming so thick I can’t breathe. “And Chris?”

Uncle Buck closes his eyes for a moment before he answers. “He grew up. He grew up way too fast. They moved them into their grandma’s house. Lord bless her. She was already well into her aging by then. Imagine that. Man of the house at fifteen years old. Raising a baby damn-near by yourself. I still remember the day he came knocking at my door, hat in hand, beggin’ for a job. He was just a twig of a thing then. But anybody could see he had the world on his shoulders and he was terrified of dropping it. He still is.

Now I ain’t tell you this so you’ll take him back. Or whatever it is you kids are gettin’ up to. I’m just saying… if you’re gonna put him down, do me a favor and set him down easy, he’s been dropped enough.”

*********************************************************

The next night, I wake up to a sharp knock on my window and sit up straight, a tinge of confusion setting in until I fully wake up. I rush over to the window and throw it open, knowing there’s only one person it could be. I passed him a note before I left work, asking him to visit me tonight. But I’d fallen asleep waiting on him when the night dragged on.

Chris leans awkwardly into the window, the energy so different from the last time we knelt here. He bites his lip, his eyes bouncing between my room and my face before he finally speaks. “Y/N. I am so fucking sorry. I didn’t think you wanted to hear it from me but it’s no excuse. I shoulda said it as soon as I saw you-”

Reaching out softly and lacing our hands together, I cut into his rambling, eager for him to know that it’s all okay now. “My uncle told me everything. I’m sorry too. It’s not fair of me to assume I’m the only one with a fucked up life.”

He grimaces, breathing out heavily through his nose. I can feel him fight the urge to shut down, relief engulfing me when he doesn’t pull away. “We should start a charity, huh? The deadbeat parents society. We’d make a fuckin’ killing.”

I smile weakly, knowing what it is to cover my pain with self-deprecating jokes. Knowing how it never once stopped me from hurting. Instead acting as a bandaid, simply covering the problem but not solving it.

Chris laughs out a bitter half-chuckle with a shake of his head. “It’s just ironic, you know? All those lessons, he’d drill into me. All that big talk about what it means to be a man. Just for him to turn around and walk out on his family. The one he had left. Some man he was.”

He clears his throat, trying to suppress the emotion in his voice, so I squeeze his hand in encouragement. He gives me a sad smile before he continues. “You know I used to think it was me. Like I wasn’t enough to make him want to stick around. But now? I look at Evie and it just don’t make sense. Ain’t a thing in the world could make me walk away from that face.”

His earnestness cracks me open and I bring my open hand up to cup the side of his face. “Take it from someone who’s got years of top dollar therapy behind them. None of it was your fault.”

Giving me a nod like he wants to believe me, Chris blinks at me slowly. “Maybe not.” He sighs and pulls away, drumming his fingers on the windowsill. “But last weekend was. What do you say, you let me try to make it up to you?”

“Depends on what you have in mind.” I lie for the second time in a row. But this time, the smile he gives me tells me he’s calling my bluff.

*********************************************************

“What if I told you I’ve never fished before in my life?” I say anxiously as I watch Chris set up my rod, trying my hardest to keep my disgust at the bait out of my tone.

I’ve never been on such a small boat either, it’s more fun to feel all the waves this way, but I definitely will not be telling him that.

He gives me a lopsided smile, looking up from his hands. “Was that supposed to be hard to believe or somethin’?”

“Well I don’t know, people usually have a dad there to take them out fishing, even some of my city friends, but my dad was too preoccupied with everything work-related.” I sigh, not expecting the innocent conversation to take such a sad turn. “But I’m a country girl now I gotta learn the ropes.” I mock a Southern accent, trying to bring light to the clouded atmosphere.

Chris just laughs, shaking his head as he hands me the fishing rod, bait now attached and swaying slightly. “That’s okay. No time like the present.”

I look between him and the rod a couple of times before I give him my best puppy dog eyes. “Can’t you just cast it for me?”

He scrunches up his nose and shakes his head back at me. “No can do, Scotch. If I do, you’ll never learn and then you’ll tell the next country boy you pull, I never taught you right. And that I cannot have.” He jokes, leaning over and adjusting my hold on the pole.

“Oh, I promise you, you’re the only boy who will ever get me on a fishing boat.”

He’s silent for a beat before he locks eyes with me, a glint I can’t place in his eyes. “Careful with those promises, darlin’. Round here we make you keep ‘em.”

Chris doesn’t let the moment hold long enough for me to reply, standing and moving to sit beside me on my bench. He moves my hand from where it had been lying on my leg to join the other one on the pole. “Take your index finger and hold the line. Not like that. Perfect.”

It’s so funny how easily he slips into a bossy voice but I kind of love it. I’m starting to realize how much I like every version of him. He whistles low for my attention and I glare at him. Okay, maybe not every version.

“Watch me, okay.” He says as he picks up his own rod, narrating his movements as I study him. “Pull back to about right here and then swing forward. Make sure you’re watching the water where you want to land. When you’re about here, let go of the line. Simple.”

Chris smiles at me but I just stare back blankly. If he thinks I got any of that he’s an idiot. But, I’m way too stubborn to ask him to show me again so I take a deep breath and try to imitate him.

To my surprise, my cast actually lands somewhat near where I was aiming for and I laugh in shock. “I did it.”

“You did!” Chris says, matching my excitement while he reaches over to close the bail for me. He takes the pole from my hand and places it into his holder. “Watch it now. If you see a tug, you gotta grab it fast.”

“Got it, captain.” I bring my fingers to my forehead, saluting the boy who’s shaking his head and avoiding eye contact with me.

In between laughs, he speaks. “You have got to be the corniest motherfucker alive.”

Before I can even muster a reply, I get distracted by the sight in front of me. Well, I get distracted by the boy in front of me, taking off his baseball hat and ruffling his hair before placing it back on his head.

For whatever reason the sight of him puts me in a trance, and it’s incredibly embarrassing. “Whatcha looking at sweetheart?” He asks, taking full advantage of my flusteredness.

I scoff, turning away to hide the blush that threatens to taint my smiley cheeks, keeping a firm grasp on the rod in front of me. “Don’t get cocky now, Christopher, it's a bad look even for you.”

“Somehow I get the feeling you don’t think I have many bad looks.” He taunts, only earning a punch to the shoulder. “Okay, Scotch. I’m kidding, I'm kidding, really, I’m flattered.” He places his hands on his heart, only furthering my annoyance.

“We’ll just forget all that talking you’ve been doing about me around town then yeah? People here seem to have an understanding that you speak highly of me.” I argue, proving my point when his eyes roll to the back of his head in annoyance.

“Is that why-” He starts, but from the corner of my eye, I notice my pole begin to bend towards the water and gasp.

“Oh! It’s moving!” I say, jumping up from my seat and cutting him off. I grab the rod, fumbling a bit and almost dropping it but Chris saves it before the fish can pull it under.

I flinch a bit, expecting him to yell about almost losing his rod but he just hands it to me with an encouraging smile. “Okay, babe. Pull it up to ‘bout 45 degrees. Okay reel down and then pull up. Keep doing it just like that.”

I do exactly what he says, watching the fish skip across the waves until he is squirming the air in front of us. I let out an excited yelp as Chris unhooks it and holds it up. “Damn, Scotch. This is a big sumofabitch for your first catch. You wanna take a picture?"

My excitement dwells a bit as I stare down at its beady little eyes and Chris laughs before he tosses it back. I lean over the boat, unsure why the tiny accomplishment is making me feel so emotional.

Giving him a huge grin, I turn to wrap my arms around Chris, still bouncing slightly with excitement. “I really caught one all by myself.” Any other time, I’d be embarrassed at how young I sound but right now I don’t care at all.

Chris returns my hug, laughing into my hair as we sway back and forth with the waves. I pull away slightly, staring up at him and admiring his icy blue eyes in the low moonlight. And before I can talk myself out of it, I lean up, pressing my lips to his in a fraction of a kiss. He looks stunned but leans back in, chasing my lips but letting me lead. I keep it chaste, wanting to know he wants this as much as me before I go any further.

He pulls back first, eyes scanning my face for any sense of discomfort, only finding my begging eyes. “I really like hanging around you, you know that right?”

I smile, relief washing over me when I come to the conclusion I didn’t make a complete fool of myself. “Yeah? Do I make the job of scooping up horse shit that much better?”

His hands lift to the sides of my face, practically covering my whole cheek with his palms. “So much better.” He leans back in, this time guiding the kiss, leaving me in a butterfly-filled puddle in his grasp.

Everything besides the two of us seems to dissipate around me, nothing but the warm rough feeling of his fingers on my cheek keeping me grounded.

When we finally pull away, Chris resting his forehead against mine as the lightening bugs flutter near the bay, I realize how insane I've been for ever once comparing him to Jace.

Jace couldn’t kiss like this if his entire life depended on it.

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yourlocaljonghoe · 4 months

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Whispered Solace. || Jeong Yunho.

Summary: Trapped in another depressive phase and avoiding all contact to your friends, you desperately try to battle your inner demons and insomnia alone. (Un)fortunately for you, your secret crush Yunho will not let you carry this burden on your own.

Pairing: Jeong Yunho x female Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Comfort, Brother's best friend!au

Wordcount: 2.7k

Warnings: Talking about Insomnia and Depression, do not read if you feel mentally unstable right now, it may not be much but still, please proceed with caution.

A/N: I've been in a really dark place this past week, from barely sleeping to just being tired and sad, so I wrote this short thing here. Remember, you are never alone and one day it will definitely get better. I have to tell that myself often because I sometimes think I'm not strong enough to handle life, but I have my support system which I'll be forever thankful for. I want everyone to know that you're doing amazing, even if some days you can't get up you are still here, strong and beautiful. Take care. Divider credits to @firefly-graphics! Also thanks to my lovely beta @yunho-mp3, I love you so so much <3

Taglist: @yunho-mp3, @kyukyustar, @hwapetals, @foxinnie8

Available here on AO3.

It was quiet, and the silence almost made you go insane.

You currently lied awake in the early hours of the morning, your thoughts spiraling into depressing depths while your insomnia took over once again. The only sound in the room was the soft hum of the air conditioner, at constant war with the oppressive heat of summer. You tossed and turned, the weight of fatigue heavy on your bones, but sleep remained an elusive dream only.

As the minutes stretched into hours, a shimmer of worry gnawed at the edges of your consciousness. You couldn't let it happen again. You knew entering another depressive phase would not only be bad for you, but your friends as well. You've been avoiding them for weeks now, because you knew if they'd see you like this they would be insanely worried, rightfully so, but you were ashamed. Too ashamed to be honest about your current state. The fear of them finding out about your struggle with insomnia, and worse, your deep unrequited crush on Jeong Yunho, was a constant source of torment. You couldn't let them see your weakness, especially not Yunho. It would be mortifying.

You knew your brother, Song Mingi, also a part of said friend group and whom you lived with was getting more and more aware of your situation, how you're barely talking, sleeping or leaving the house, and you also knew he's been telling your friends about his worries.

They've been blowing up your phone ever since, yet you could not get yourself to answer these messages. Especially not Yunho's.

Just as despair threatened to swallow you whole, a gentle knock on the door roused you from your thoughts. "Y/N," Yunho's voice called out, warm and concerned. "I know you're still awake. Open up, please."

Shit. You completely forgot they were coming over for movie night today, something you usually loved but have now avoided for weeks.

You flinched as he knocked a second time, your heart leaping into a frenzied dance at the sound of his voice. Yunho, the epitome of charm and kindness, your brother Mingi's closest confidant, and the star around which your universe revolved, as much as you hated to admit.

Reluctantly, you dragged yourself out of bed, shuffling to the door. As you hesitantly opened it, you're met with Yunho's worried eyes, framed by a mess of windswept hair and soft features that could make even the coldest heart melt.

"Y/N, please talk to me," Yunho said, his tone laced with genuine concern. You wanted to cry at that. "We haven't seen you in weeks. And I can't stand to see you like this. You look so tired."

You forced a smile, aiming for nonchalance, but fear it came across as something closer to a grimace. "It's nothing, just a late night. You’re not exactly quiet downstairs" you lied, your voice cracking just enough to betray the charade of an attempted joke.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Yunho chuckled softly, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. “I know you too well, Y/N. Talk to me. What’s keeping you up?” he asked, his gaze intense and full of unmistakable caring.

You hesitated, your secret weighing heavily on your tongue, threatening to spill out against your will. Desperation curled in your chest, a gnawing fear that if you confided in him, something irrevocably painful and beautiful might unfurl between the two of you.

“I just can’t sleep. It’s been weeks, and I tried everything, but it just never comes,” you admit, the weight of your confession heavy in the air. “It's one of those phases… I'm tired, moody, sad and just… done. I'm just so done, Yuyu.”

Yunho’s expression immediately softened, and he approached you with a warmth that both soothed and ignited a fierce longing within you. “You don’t have to face this alone, Y/N.” His voice was like a soothing melody, an anchor in the tempest of your mind.

“I can’t let them see me like this. Not the group. Not you,” you murmured, anguish clawing at your insides. You could not allow them to witness your vulnerability, least of all Yunho, in whose presence you felt dangerously exposed.

“Y/N, they care about you. We all do. You don’t have to carry this burden alone,” Yunho assured you once again, his eyes unwavering. “And I promise, I won’t let anyone tease you. You’re safe with me. This is a serious topic, and as much as the boys love to joke around, they wouldn’t. Not now.”

His sincerity wrapped around you like a protective cocoon, offering the faintest glimmer of hope. You managed a weak nod, allowing yourself to be swayed by his words, by the promise of sanctuary in his presence.

“You should get some rest,” he said, concern etched across his features. “But if insomnia strikes again, promise you’ll call me. I’ll be here for awhile, just downstairs.”

Your heart fluttered at the resolve in his gaze, and before you could overthink it, you blurted out, “Stay, just for a little while. Until I fall asleep.”

Yunho's eyes widened in surprise, and for a moment, you're stricken with the urge to take back your words. But then, a soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips, and he nodded, taking a seat on the edge of your bed.

You slid under the covers, your pulse racing as the feeling of closeness sunk into your bones, warming you from the inside out.

"I'll stay as long as you want me to," Yunho murmured, reaching out to brush the hair away from your face, his touch sending shivers down your spine.

"Thank you, Yunho," you whispered, your voice barely audible in the quiet of the room. His presence soothed you, so much that you could barely keep your eyes open. "I don't know what I’d do without you."

His smile was achingly tender, his gaze unwavering as he replied, "You'll never have to find out, Y/N."

As the moments melted into one another, the world beyond your window faded into insignificance, leaving you alone with Yunho and the intoxicating pull of his presence.

"Why me?" you blurted out, the question slipping through the fragile barrier guarding your heart.

Yunho blinked, surprise flickering in his eyes. "What do you mean, Y/N?"

You swallowed hard, feeling foolish and exposed, but the need to understand was a question burning on the tip of your tongue. "Out of everyone, why did you choose to check on me tonight? You could've just… stayed downstairs."

A flicker of amusement danced in Yunho's eyes, and he chuckled softly. "Because you’re important to me, Y/N. I care about you, more than I can put into words."

Oh, such dangerous words.

His admission sent your heart into a frenzied gallop, a kaleidoscope of emotion swirling within you. It's the echo of a confession you've longed to hear, yet the fear of misinterpretation shackles your desperate hope.

"And you're important to me," you murmured, your voice trembling with raw vulnerability. "More than you'll ever know."

Yunho's gaze searched yours, a silent exchange passing between you, laden with unspoken truths and uncharted territory.

Just as the weight of the unspoken threatened to overwhelm you, Yunho’s hand found yours, his touch a lifeline in the tempest of your thoughts. “Y/N, I…”

Before he could finish his sentence, the shrill of your phone jolted you both, shattering the fragile cocoon of intimacy enveloping you.

With a frustrated huff, you reached for the offending device, only to find a barrage of messages from your brother, Mingi.

“He's literally right downstairs, what the fuck does he want?” you muttered, swiping through the notifications. “Wait, did he just send me a photo?”

Yunho leaned over, his warmth seeping into your space, and together, you peer at Mingi’s latest message. It’s a picture of him and the rest of Ateez, huddled up in the living room, wide grins plastered across their faces.

“Time for a late-night snack,” Yunho read aloud, a playful gleam in his eyes. “That boy is the epitome of mischief at any hour.”

You let out an exasperated laugh, feeling a surge of affection for your overzealous brother. “I swear, he's incorrigible. He still thinks he's 5 years old at times.”

Yunho chuckled, the sound wrapping around you like a warm embrace, and for a moment, the weight of your worries eased. His laughter was a balm to your restless soul, an undeniable reassurance that not everything in life needs to be somber.

“So, what do we do about the little rascals downstairs?” Yunho asked, amusement dancing in his eyes.

You glanced around your room, the prospect of facing the lively chaos awaiting you downstairs both daunting and oddly appealing. “I don’t think they'll let us rest anytime soon.”

“Then, allow me to take matters into my own hands.” Yunho’s grin was mischievous, a glint of determination in his eyes as he rose from the bed.

As he headed for the door, you caught a glimpse of the curve of his smile, the casual elegance in his every movement. A surge of affection bloomed within you, tender and fierce in its embrace.

“Wait, Yunho,” you called out, and he paused to look back at you, curiosity etching lines on his face. “Thank you, for everything. I mean it.”

Yunho's smile softened, a tender warmth weaving through his expression. “I’m here for you, Y/N. Always.”

With that promise lingering in the air like a whispered prayer, you watch as Yunho left the room, his laughter mingling with the raucous sounds of your friends downstairs.

The weight of weariness tugged at your eyelids, finally luring you into the embrace of sleep, however fleeting it may be.

It's a testament to Yunho’s presence, his unwavering support when you needed it most, that allowed you to drift into a semblance of restful slumber.

Darkness claimed you, and somewhere in the lull of dreams, a spark of hope ignited. Perhaps, amidst the tangled mess of emotions and the uncharted territory of unspoken longing, there’s a chance for love, for healing, for a profound connection that defies the boundaries of time and space.

From day one, ever since you met all those years back, you knew that Jeong Yunho was the one for you, as embarrassing as it may sound. You were determined to confess, and you tiredly promised yourself to do it very soon.

Seconds passed, and you sunk deeper into the abyss of dreams, Yunho’s laughter and his earnest reassurances weaving through the tapestry of your mind, a soothing symphony of devotion and unspoken promises.

Within the stillness of the pre-dawn hours, a new chapter began, shaped by the tender whispers of the heart and a longing that refuses to be contained.

The morning sun filtered through your window, casting a soft glow across the room, rousing you from the depths of your slumber.

As you stretched and yawned, the memories of the previous night gathered in the recesses of your mind, a poignant reminder of the warmth and comfort Yunho offered you.

And… you actually managed to fall asleep, a true blessing. You knew it was all thanks to Yunho.

With a small smile tugging at your lips, you made your way downstairs, the infectious sounds of chatter and laughter pulling you closer.

That early? They must be planning to go out then. A string of sadness struck you; you knew you did not have the energy for it, yet you longed to spend time with them.

As you stepped into the lively chaos of the living room, you're greeted by the sight of Mingi and the rest of Ateez, engaged in a spirited debate over breakfast choices.

"Morning, Y/N!" Mingi called out, his grin wide and infectious. "Did you finally get some sleep?"

Mingi cared for you, but as your brother, you knew it was not easy to show it sometimes.

Before you could reply, Yunho appeared at your side, a playful sparkle in his eyes. "She did, with a little help from yours truly."

The mischievous gleam in Yunho's eyes drew knowing chuckles from the rest of Ateez, their teasing grins sending a flush of embarrassment up your neck.

"Yunho, stop spilling secrets," you laughed, swatting his arm playfully.

Now with one secret out, you realized that it wasn't too bad. They all genuinely seemed to care and did not try to even attempt to crack a joke.

"I can't help it," he chuckled, the sound a symphony of warmth and comfort. "Keeping secrets is not my forte, especially when it comes to helping someone as lovely as you, Y/N."

You rolled your eyes, the warmth of his words washing over you like a gentle tide. Despite your hesitation, Yunho’s presence has become a beacon of light in your darkest moment yesterday, a quiet reassurance that you're not alone in your struggles.

As the day unfolded, the boys said they wanted to stay here, knowing it was hard for you to leave the house but still wanting to be with you. You almost cried tears of joy at their kindness. Today was filled with moments of laughter and camaraderie, and throughout the day, you found yourself drawn to Yunho, his infectious laughter and easy charm a magnetic pull you couldn't ignore, especially after the intimate moment the two of you shared last night.

In the midst of lighthearted banter and shared moments of joy, the faint stirrings of longing and affection blossomed like delicate petals in the garden of your heart once again.

Hours slipped by in a whirl of blissful chaos, each passing moment an irreplaceable treasure in the tapestry of shared memories and the awakening of unspoken emotions. This day was pure chaos, and you loved every second of it, how Yunho once again beat all of you in various games and even how Mingi really thought he could prove that he wasn't such a bad cook after all, almost burning down the entire kitchen in the process.

Night slowly descended upon the city once more, casting its velvety embrace over the bustling streets and the labyrinth of hidden desires within your heart.

You heard voices, indicating that Mingi was bidding the boys goodbye.

Here, on the rooftop of your shared apartment building, the gentle breeze weaved through your hair, carrying with it the whispers of the evening.

For whatever reason, Yunho decided to stay behind, now standing right beside you, his gaze fixed on the star-lit expanse above, his profile etched in the soft glow of the moon.

"It's beautiful up here," you murmured, your heart drumming against the confines of your chest, yearning for the man next to you.

Yunho turned to you, his eyes gleaming with a quiet intensity. "Not as beautiful as you, Y/N," he said, his words a tender caress against the silence of the night.

Your breath caught in your throat, the stirring of countless unsaid words and unspoken longings cascading through the entwined threads of your souls.

“Yunho, I… I don’t want to hide this anymore. I don’t want to pretend that there isn’t something between us,” you admitted, the confession a fragile whisper that hung between you like a delicate tapestry.

The air crackled with unspoken tension, the weight of longing and desire coiling around the slumbering city, a palpable thrum in the silence.

Yunho's gaze held yours, a reservoir of unspoken promises and cherished sentiments swirling within the depths of his eyes.

“Y/N, I’ve felt it too,” he murmured, the admission a gentle revelation that sent your heart into a fervent dance.

And in that suspended moment, with the city bustling beneath you and the stars shimmering overhead, you bridge the divide between you, your lips meeting in a tender, hesitant kiss.

The world turned quiet, leaving only the echo of your mingled breaths and the intoxicating warmth of Yunho's embrace.

In the timeless realm of your shared kiss, an unspoken understanding bloomed, a symphony of entwined desires and the tender promise of a love that transcends the boundaries of time and space.

As the night unfolded in a tender crescendo of shared tenderness, you lost yourself in the exquisite haven of Yunho’s embrace, his touch a constant reminder that things would get better, always.

And within the intimate dance of intertwined souls, beneath the velvet expanse of the star-lit sky, a new chapter unfurled, marked by the unyielding pull of love and the profound connection that defied the realm of eternity.

You knew that what the two of you shared was special, and you were beyond thankful that a man like him existed, not judging you once, but rather trying his best to both understand and love every part of you, as dark as they may be.

"Thank you, Yuyu. For healing me."

#wonderlandnet #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #ateez fanfiction #ateez angst #ateez fic #ateez imagines #ateez au #ateez yunho #yunho x reader #yunho #jeong yunho #yunho fluff #yunho fanfic #jeong yunho fluff #jeong yunho fanfic

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gwynfahr · 4 months

Text

Lying down on the bed, you're half listening to the litany of praise and pure filth coming out of Jordan's mouth non-stop.

How could you pay attention when she has two fingers attacking your G-spot with a concerning precision ? They've been at it for a while now, getting you so close and stopping right when you're about to come. And there she is with her condescending smile, nodding sweetly "I know, baby, I know. It feels so good you can't take it ?" their head cocks to the side and she adds "But you asked for it, asked for me to overwhelm your little pussy until you can' think anymore... Do you know why ?" the question is asked through clenched teeth.

Her movements speed up and she adds pressure to your clit, her left hand forcing your stuttering hips to stay still on the mattress. You think you might die from the way they've been at it for an hour now.

And then suddenly they take their fingers out and you really cry over the lack of stimulation as you were so close once again.

Jordan lands a slap to your core and you let out a wounded little whimper. "Answer the question baby, or you won't get to come at all."

It takes some time before you're even able to remember the question, but when you do, you answer with a little voice. "You're doing this because I haven't been taking care of myself properly. And I've been overthinking too much."

"That wasn't so hard now, was it ? You need to take care of yourself, baby. Or daddy won't make you come. You just need someone to wear you out so your little brain can finally sleep correctly. I can do that." she adds, her eyebrows raising as she looks up at your tear streaked face begging her to let you finish.

You might have a chance to make her fold right now if you play correctly. You pout a bit, doe eyes in full force "Please daddy, I'm so sorry, please let me come, I want it so bad."

They crack, obviously, they could never handle the doe eyes with the begging. Her hand goes back to your cunt and she asks while rubbing your clit excruciatingly slow "And you'll take care of yourself ? Drink and sleep and eat ? Stop being so stressed over things you can't even do anything about ?" you nod fervently "Yes ! Yes yes yes I swear it ! Please..."

Jordan smiles proudly kissing your thigh "good girl". Then her mouth is on you, fingers back in your cunt fingering you fast and efficient as she sucks your clit into her mouth and you can't help but moan loudly, fisting the bed sheets in your hands. You try to close your legs instinctively but Jordan's strong shoulders keep them open, leaving you forced to take it, the pressure building up and up and up-

"That's it, good girl, good fucking girl" she says as she drinks up your release while you ride out your orgasm on her fingers. Little moans and whimpers coming out of your mouth.

When you come back from your high, you kiss you partner, who then looks at you with a gentle gaze "You need to take proper care of yourself, baby. The finals are in two weeks, and you studied like a mad woman already, you can't pull all-nighters every nights, alright ?".

You nod as you press yourself closer to them, cuddling on the bed with your head in her neck, inhaling your partner's scent. You listen to their heartbeat as they switch to their male form, strong arms holding you close. "I love you Jordan."

"I love you too" You hear him answer as you fall asleep, for the most peaceful slumber you've had in a long time.

I mean you've got your own super hero to take care of you during your sleep, how could you not sleep ?

_________________________________________

A 'gentle' reminder to take care or yourselves !! Drink water and eat at least two times a day !

❤️❤️

Also Jordan's wearing this because I said so and also, yeah I fucking love that shirt on them, byyyye

#jordan li #jordan li x reader #my looooove #gen v #jordan li smut #gen v x reader #Imagining this every night to fall asleep #Bangs my head on the wall and dies

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strniohoeee · 5 months

Text

Broken

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N is depressed, and Matt takes notice to her behavior. Matt being the good friend he is he tries to get her out of her funk, but will it work?🫂

Warnings⚠️: None just mentions of depression. This was a request but Tumblrs being a munch and not letting me add it

Song for the imagine: hope ur ok- Olivia Rodrigo

But, God, I hope that you’re happier today

Cause I love you

And I hope that you’re okay

It’s been getting worse. I hate this feeling, this darkness that consumes me. I wanted nothing more than to feel okay. I hate the way my depression swallowed me whole and made me want to disappear from the face of the earth.

I just wanted to feel okay, I wanted to feel normal and not drained. I know my friends were getting annoyed with me. I would slip into these phases of not wanting to talk to them, see them, go out with them. I mean I could barely get out of my bed to do anything. Often skipping meals and not drinking water. I would just sleep all fucking day and cry when I was awake.

I was fortunate enough to be an influencer, so I didn’t have to worry about actually getting up to work. I posted YouTube drafts and TikTok drafts. It worked for a while, but people started to catch on, and were wondering where I went. I couldn’t even be honest and come out and say I was so depressed I couldn’t even sit up in my bed.

The one person who noticed the fastest was Matt. Randomly one day he started texting me wondering how I was doing, what I was doing, if I wanted to hang out with him and his brothers, if I wanted to join them for dinner, if I wanted to film a video with them. I appreciated it truly, but I also kept lying to him. Telling him that I was busy or I had plans, or I was filming. I could not allow anyone to see me this way. I mean I didn’t even want to see myself this way…..

Matt had put me in a groupchat with Chris and Nick, and honestly it was making me feel better. They kept my mind off of things by constantly making me laugh. I mean they would text from 10AM till 2AM every single day.

The blue eyed freaks🧿🧿

-Y/N can you pleaseeeeee come hang out with us we haven’t seen you in like two months- Chris

-Idkkkk -me

-plzzzzz like you never hangout with us anymore-Nick

-yeah I’ve just been busy-me

-busy??? Yeah right not busy enough to not hang out with us- Chris

-hey if she doesn’t want to hangout don’t force her, but we do miss you and would love to see you-Matt

-thanks Matt🖤-me

-booooo boring come over now, or I’ll come pick you up-Chris

-you can’t even drive Chris-me

-okay….ill get matt to drive me to come pick you up-Chris

-fineeeeee okay fine I’ll be over in a hour-me

-FUCKKKKK FINALLY OMG YES- Chris

-see yall soon<3-me

I had gotten up and decided to shower, washing my hair and just really try to clear my mind, and enjoy the fact that I’m getting to see my friends again. I hadn’t been out of my house in a good month, and this was giving me major anxiety.

I felt like once they’d see me they would know I haven’t been okay, and that’s something that scared me. I had to seem okay. I was never the one who broke down… ever.

I hadn’t finished getting ready. At first I wanted to put on some makeup to hide my dark eyes, but I decided against it because I really wasn’t in the mood. I headed out, and drove to the triplets house. When I got there Matt texted me letting me know that the door was unlocked and to meet them in his room.

I let myself in and walked to Matt’s room.

“Y/N” Chris yelled coming over and hugging me

“Hi guys” I said laughing

“She’s aliveeee” Nick said hugging me

“How have you guys been?” I asked plopping myself down on Matt’s bed with them

“We’ve been good, just filming honestly” Matt said

“Nice that’s always fun” I said

“I love it so much truly, but how have you been?” Nick asked

“I’ve been good, you know. Just uhhh been busy” I said lying straight through my teeth

“Nice, what have you been doing” Matt asked

“Oh you know just filming and editing and just going out with some of my other friends” I said

“I love your hair color by the way, when did you dye it red?” Chris asked me

“Oh like two months ago I need to get my roots done actually” I said running my hands through my hair

“Two months ago? I thought this was recent all your TikTok’s and YouTube videos your hair was black” Matt said looking at me suspiciously

“Oh uhhh” was all I could manage because I knew Matt was onto me

“Okay anyways I’m hungry” Chris said breaking the awkwardness

“Me too” Nick said

“McDonald’s?” Chris asked

“Fuck yes” Matt responded

“Okay Matt can you pick it up for us” Chris said pleading

“Uhhh I guess i have too since yall can’t drive” he said rolling his eyes

“I can drive” I said smiling

“Yayyyy this is why I love you” Chris said

“I’ll mobile order it so it’s less stressful” Nick said

They all put in their orders, and they handed the phone to me. My anxiety making me nauseous and not really in the mood to eat

“Oh I don’t think I’m going to get anything” I said

“WHAT? McDonald’s is your favorite” Nick said

“Uhh yeah I’m just not in the mood” I said

“Do you want something else?” Matt asked

“No I’m not hungry” I said looking at him

Matt nodded before taking the phone, messing with it f and then handing it to Nick.

“Alright let’s head out” I said

“Nick and I want to stay back y’all can go though” Chris said

“Sneaky fucks” Matt said laughing

Matt and I had gotten into my car heading over to the McDonalds

“What’s really going on?” Matt asked

“What do you mean?” I asked glancing over at him

“I know you’re not okay” he said looking at me

“Matt I’m fine” I said

“No you’re not. Your eyes…..I can tell that you’re sad” he said

“I’m just tired is all” I said swallowing thickly

“Y/N be honest…are you okay?” He asked reading my face for an answer

My lip quivered, and a lump formed in my throat. Nobody has asked me if I was okay.

“No” I whispered out in a croak

“Talk to me” he said sitting up

“I just don't know. I’ve been so depressed lately. I haven’t been able to get out of my bed. I’ve just been posting drafts because I can’t even get up to film. I can’t even get up to drink or eat anything. I miss my parents, I miss home and I just feel so alone. You were the first person to text me, and you have helped me a lot actually. You inviting me over was the first thing I have done in a month” I said letting a tear fall

“I’m so sorry you feel that way. I love you so fucking much, and I knew something was wrong that’s why I reached out. I care for you so much, and I don’t want you to struggle alone. I’m here for you” he said looking at me with saddened eyes

“I appreciate it Matt truly. You’re amazing” I said looking over at him and smiling weakly

“Never allow yourself to struggle alone okay. Please reach out to me or Nick or even Chris as crazy as that seems. We will always be here for you….always” he said

“I will. I just was fighting with myself for so long I couldn’t reach out for help” I said wiping my tears

“And that’s okay. No ones pressuring you to reach out, but know that the option is there. I would never turn you away. You know I’ll come flying to you in a heartbeat” he said nudging my shoulder

“I know Matt. I love you so much thank you for being here for me” I said nudging him back

“Also I got you your favorite from McDonald’s. I’m making sure you eat. I can tell you haven’t eaten. I can see it in your face” he said

“Thank you Matt what would I do without you” I said smiling at him

“I’m not sure actually” he said

“Don’t get too cocky” I said pointing my finger at him

We laughed, and I pulled up to the drive thru. We got our food, and we headed back home

We got back to their house, and started to eat in the kitchen. Laughing and catching up. Matt occasionally looking over at me, giving me reassuring smiles and glances.

I spent the night at their house, and I slept in Matt’s room. We watched my favorite childhood movies as he kept asking me if I was okay, and taking small glances at me.

Eventually we ended up falling asleep.

What would I do without Matt?

The End

This was a request, but Tumblr is actually being a dickrider so it wasn’t letting me put it with my story. But anywho I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ONE🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets imagines #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo imagines

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riordanness · 5 months

Text

— say don’t go - [tmr!newt]

wordcount: 0.9K

warnings: uh- you have the flare

requested: no

We’d been running for… how long? It felt like forever. Days and days of scorching heat, oppressive sunlight, harsh winds. My throat feels dry all the time, my eyes ache, and my legs are rubber.

At least I have Newt. No one could ask for a better friend. He’s always there for me, right beside me no matter what. He gives me the water even though I know he must be just as thirsty as I am.

He makes sure he’s the one carrying the pack we’re supposed to be sharing; he’s always taking my turns.

How can I tell him I know I’m not immune? That the cranks scratched me back in that old warehouse a few days ago? The weight of knowing my days are dissolving in front of my eyes is so heavy I can barely breathe. What should I do? What does anyone do, knowing you’re about to die?

I know I have to tell him soon. I can’t keep putting it off — it’s killing me in more ways than one.

Minho calls for a stop hours after nightfall. I have lost complete track of time; too lazy to keep track with my wristwatch. My head is fuzzy enough as it is.

Newt glances at me, and gives me a weak smile. I try to return it, but I can’t. I collapse to the ground, my knees giving way after one too many hours of walking.

Newt is at my side in an instant. “Are you alright?”

I try to nod my head. “Just… tired. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He holds out our shared water bottle. There’s barely a gulp left in the bottom.

I shake my head. “You take it. I had it last.”

“No.” Newt is serious. “You need it more than I do. Besides…” He hesitates, but doesn’t continue. I’m too scared to ask what he means.

I eventually give it and take the water, the few semi-cold drops helping immensely. I feel my body shutting down, my eyes trying to close.

Newt shifts over to sit beside me. “Go to sleep, love.”

I don’t even try to stay awake. I lean against him and am instantly in darkness.

The next thing I know, I’m startled awake. I don’t know why, as it’s still pretty dark, the air is still cool, and none of the boys have stirred. I wonder briefly if a sound in the night woke me, but I see and hear nothing.

It’s probably just the growing anxiety and disease taking over my brain. I inch away from Newt, desperate not to wake him. He’s been doing so much for me, for everyone. I owe him my life ten times over, and I don’t want to disturb maybe the last peaceful sleep he may get.

I get to my feet, and my eyes stray to Newt’s sleeping face. I have a ridiculous urge to touch his cheek. He looks so soft and pretty and perfect, just laying there.

I force myself to turn around. I walk a minute, until I stumble across a little boulder and sit down, my chin in my hands. This illness inside of me is eating me up. I can feel myself fading away, everything that makes me me slowly dissolve into nothing.

I don’t know how long I sit there, despairing.

Eventually, someone approaches. I can tell by the slightly uneven footsteps who it is even before they speak.

“Hey, Newt.” I have no emotion in my voice, struggling to keep it even.

“Y/n,” he replies, gently sitting beside me. “What’s up, love?”

I shrug. “Nothin’.”

Even though it’s too dark to tell properly, I know he’s got his you-are-such-a-bad-liar face on. “Y/n.”

I sigh. “Okay. Fine. I—“ But the words die in my throat. I can’t seem to find the right way to tell the boy I love more than anything that I’m about to, well, die.

“You have the bloody Flare.” The anger in Newt’s voice takes me by surprise more than the fact that he knows.

“What—“

He slams his hand into the rock we’re sitting on, cutting me off. “It’s not fair!” He hisses. “We have to fix this, we have to—I cant, lose you—“

His voice cracks, and I hear him inhale sharply, like he’s trying not to cry.

That makes me break down. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I sob. “I just—I didn’t want… I don’t know. I just don’t want this.”

“Nobody shuckin’ wants the Flare, Y/n.” Newt’s voice is gruff, but almost teasing, a little reminder of what we used to be together. Joking, teasing best friends.

That makes me break down completely, and I cry heartbrokenly into my hands. I feel Newt wrap his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I cry into him, clinging to his shirt like it’s my life.

“Newt,” I manage. “I’m going to die.”

“No you’re not.” His tone is firm. “I’m not gonna lose you. I—I love you, ya dumb shank.”

“What…?” My tears come to a hiccuping stop, and I lift my head to look at him. “You…”

He lets out an embarrassed chuckle. “Yeah. Sorry. Bad timing?”

I shake my head, a smile on my face despite it all. “I love you too, idiot.”

“Oh,” Newt laughs. “Oh, okay. Good.”

I lean towards him, pressing a kiss to his mouth. “Just hold me, please? Help me forget for a while.”

And Newt does exactly that.

#newt #newt x reader #tmr #maze runner #the maze runner #maze runner fanfiction #newt x reader fanfic #tmr fanfic #thomas brodie sangster #tmr newt #newt maze runner

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

Note

AITA for forcing my bf to check the toilet for spiders?

I 20nb have been living with my 25M boyfriend for 1.5 years.

I have arachniphobia (idk spelling but phobia of spiders) and schizoaffective disorder.

I've had both since I was a child. I used to have full on melt downs, panic attacks, tactile hallucinations and just generally inconsolable whenever I saw a spider.

My parents did send me to therapy for a few months when I was younger however most of the work in lessening my phobia has been done by me.

Before my partner and I moved in together, I would have two different reactions to seeing a spider depending on the situation. If it was a spider I saw out of the corner of my eye and thought "is that a spider?" Before actually seeing it, I would be be fine and get my parents to get rid of it. If I didn't have that time to register that a spider may be in the room with me and just saw it, aka a surprise spider, I would cry a bit.

After moving in together, I managed to be able to use fly spray to kill spiders and vacuum them up with the tiny hand vacuum. Most of the spiders I've encountered have been small like daddy long legs.

We recently moved into a new place and as the weather changes, massive spiders have been coming into the house. I've managed to not freak out at surprise spiders which is a huge step. I even managed to kill one with fly spray which again is huge as I'm not used to big spiders.

Last night I was in the toilet pissing before bed as one does and a surprise big spider appears. I managed to calmly finish up, leave and go to the bathroom to wash my hands. I close the toilet door as well to stop the spider from escaping. Whilst I very much wanted to get my bf to get rid of it, I was aware that he was trying to sleep so I let it be.

I also managed to fall asleep as well which would be literally unheard of if you asked me like a month ago if I would be able to do that after a surprise big spider.

In the morning I made my boyfriend check the toilet and I told him that I didn't wake him up and he said he was proud of me. I was proud of myself too since the last time there was a big spider at night, I killed it with fly spray and didn't wake him up, but bothered him as he was trying to go to sleep so he could vacuum it up for me.

He couldn't find the spider so I ended up peeing in the shower and going to work like 10m early to poop before work as I was still wary of using the bathroom since the spider was still on the loose.

I came home and needed to use the bathroom after being home for 2 hours. I asked him to check again for me and he said no and that if he did he would be enabling me.

I told him that me not waking him up last night was a huge step and that I feel like he expects me to be cured of my phobia which isn't realistic. He finally went to check but was very reluctant and said again that it was just him enabling me.

I understand that getting rid of spiders is something he doesn't want to do as i always ask when he doing something as well, that's when I find spiders, however it's only like two or three spiders a month I encounter so it's not a lot. It takes him literally two minutes to deal with and not every spider I come across, I need his help with.

So AITA for asking him to check the bathroom for a spider on the loose?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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pedrithink · 1 year

Text

pain ✩ kylian mbappé

summary: kylian feels insecure with everything people say about him and you remind him of who he really is.

ky: i'm going to home a little late today

you: what's wrong?

ky: i'm going to my mother's house

ky: go to sleep, baby. see you tomorrow when you wake up.

Even though Kylian has made it clear that he will be home later, you took a long time to fall asleep. You know what happened, you saw the mean comments and you simply can't stand Kylian hiding that he's not affected by them anymore.

You were dozing and wake up at the exact moment when you hear Kylian leaning against your bedroom door. Your brain goes on alert the moment you turn on the lamp and see his red, swollen eyes, you sit up in bed and this attracts his attention to you.

"Hey, baby. Why are you up at this hour, hm?" Kylian moves closer to you and strokes your hair lightly, you can't even concentrate on what he's saying.

"Why are your eyes like that?"

Kylian sighs and quickly tries to let a weak smile grow on his face. "Don't worry, it's nothing."

Your face contort with pure annoyance and worry. "How is it nothing? Kylian, please." You pull his hand so that he sits beside you on the bed and run your thumb over his cheek. "You come home late, and when you do, it's like you've cried rivers of tears. Don't hide from me."

"I'm not hiding, I'm fine." He lets out a nervous sigh and gets up to go to the bathroom. He just wants to take a shower, go to sleep and pretend this day never happened, that these worries will be stuck in today and gone by tomorrow.

You try to get up to go after Kylian and don't even bother to put on your slippers, you just want him to open up to you and not leave you in the same old mental mess. You want him not to be afraid to face his own feelings.

"Every time you do this." He is startled when he sees your figure behind him.

"First, go put on your slippers, or you'll catch cold." You let out an irritated snort, go to do as he says, but then turn back so he can finish talking. "Second, I always do what?"

"That." You point at him with such anxiety. "You get sad and cry and make me worry because you never trust me enough to tell me."

When he sees your worried eyes he bites his lower lip with unnecessary force. "Don't say that." He relaxes his body, leaning against the bathroom sink. "I trust you more than anything in this life."

"Then why don't you ever talk to me, Kyky?" You soften your expression and move closer to his body. "Every time I feel like crap, you're here for me. You hold my hands and make me remember all the good things that make me who I am."

He looks away from her and lets a sad expression take over his face. "Why don't you ever let me take care of you?"

You make it a point to rest your hand on his face and make him look into your eyes. Your heart aches to see the dark eyes that you love so much, that are so full of life and happiness and passion, so full of sadness and worry.

"I just don't want to fill your head with more problems." He murmurs.

"I want to know everything that surrounds you." You leave a light caress on his face. "It doesn't matter if it's little things, things you think are silly, and things that made you cry that much."

He throws his head back and rubs his eyes a little hard. He hates crying and even more so in front of other people, but it seems totally impossible to control the tears from falling.

"I'm just tired." When he lets out this statement you can only get closer to him and grab him by the hand. "Tired of having to explain myself with every line spoken, of having to endure these gratuitous online attacks." Kylian's brittle voice breaks your heart. "I pretend I don't care to see if I convince myself of the same thing." The ironic laugh that comes out of his lips makes your heart ache and you can only leave a caress on his palm.

"Ky, you don't have to be strong all the time. We all have feelings, it's totally understandable that you feel that way." You determine.

"I had to hear for the fifth time today that I'm self-centered and how my performance only drops every game because I'm selfish enough to want to own the fucking team." Kylian rubs his face with both hands and lets a stressed snort slide past his lips.

"But you know that's not who you are. You're the most amazing person I've ever met, Kylian."

"You forget some of your essence when the whole world determines who you are."

Kylian drops his gaze again and makes it visible to anyone how frustrated and exhausted he is with this situation. You can see how much this situation affects him and his heart aches knowing that you can't do much to help him.

For so long it has been eating at him and for so long he has tried to ignore these feelings so that they would not affect the people around him. He knows that with fame comes consequences, but he didn't imagine they would be so harsh.

"I'm…sorry." Kylian runs a hand across his forehead to try to remove the signs of upset. "I'm sorry for throwing all that at you."

"Don't say that, I like to hear you and know how you feel." Kylian lets a smile grow on his face at your statement and you let another caress run up his arm before pulling away so he can look into your eyes. You have so much to say to him, but the words seem to get stuck in your throat.

"Fear of other people's opinions is the first barrier that inhibits you from being happy and living your life the way you think is right, we stop taking care of ourselves to become what they want us to be." Kylian shakes his head positively and makes it clear that he is paying attention to everything you are saying. "You are the kindest, most loyal and loving person I have ever met in my life. When I was in my worst moments, you were there for me and in my best moments, you were happy for me. What is important is not what they make of us, but what ourselves make of what others have made of us."

Kylian bites his lower lip and runs his hand over it in an attempt to undo his frown. He knows you're right, but it seems so hard to believe.

"I know it's hard to believe right now, but I'm here for you and I'll always make sure to remind you of who you really are." He pulls you into a hug and leaves a simple caress on your back. "We need each other, to be ourselves." You murmur and deposit a kiss on his shoulder as you squeeze him in your arms.

He leaves a kiss on your forehead and pulls away to bring your lips closer together, he had missed kissing you so much. Everything was totally slow while Kylian's hands make their way around your waist, ass and back. In a constant caress.

You stay like this for a few minutes, but then you break the kiss, giving him three little kisses. "Now go take a bath, baby." You snap a loud slap on Kylian's ass.

"Oh no, that feels so good." He whimpers, trying to grab you again. "Kiss me again." He whispers in your ear and you almost melt, but you don't let him get away.

You push his body toward the shower. "Wait for me on the bed." He snaps his tongue out and flashes a cheeky grin in your direction.

A smile grows on your face at the sight of Kylian returning to normal and you are glad to see him excited again, you do everything you can to see him well.

#kylian mbappe x reader #kylian mbappe fluff #kylian mbappe #kylian mbappe x you #kylian mbappe imagine #kylian mbappe fanfic #football one shot #football x reader #football fanfic #kylian x reader #kylian imagines #football imagine

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gaintsnowflake · 10 months

Text

𝐁𝐄𝐃

PARING - anthony lockwood x gn!reader

ONESHOT - in which you still haven't recovered from the job and lockwood comforts you

TRIGGERS - mentions of death and nightmares

A/N - this is pure fluff | please mind any typos or grammar errors, i am my own editor and I may not be able be able to get everything

WORD COUNT - 1.0k

masterlist

THE STREETS of London weren't busy this time of day, yet I still find myself staring outside watching for any change in motion. It was early morning; the four of us, Lockwood, Lucy, George, and I, just got back an hour ago. They are all long asleep and I should be too. Yet here I am still haunted by the memories of last night. The case shouldn't have taken as long as it did, and it should have been easy. Except the client didn't inform us of the secondary haunting.

But even then, I should have known what I was getting myself into, my parents had died there, and I should have known their ghost would be there. But it threw me off guard. I got ghost-locked, nearly ghost-touched, and put everyone in danger. We could have died just because my parents were there, haunting me, seeking me out.

"y/n?" A voice called shaking me from my thoughts.

I turned around to see Lockwood, he was in a white t-shirt and grey sweats, his hair messier than ever, and somehow his eyebags were more prominent. I gave a slight smile turning to face him fully.

"What are you doing awake?" He paused tilting his head, "Are you crying?"

"Oh, sorry I didn't notice," I wiped my tears I didn't know I had before answering his question, "Just can't sleep."

It wasn't a total lie, but I was not about to tell him that I couldn't sleep because of the nightmares the job caused every time I closed my eyes. Yet somehow he seemed as if he knew that is what it was.

Without saying another word Lockwood takes a few steps forward and engulfs me in a large hug. He rests his head on mine. I hug back, but as I do tears start to leave my eyes. Within a few seconds, I am sobbing into his chest.

"It's okay, cry it out. You're okay. I'm okay. Lucy and George are okay. Everyone is okay now. You can cry," He whispered to me, rocking me back and forth.

We sat there for a while, just hugging without saying a word. Sitting in ever-lasting silence.

"I could have gotten you killed," I spoke softly, scared of breaking the silence.

"It's not your fault, y/n," He muttered, "You didn't know."

"I knew they died there, but I didn't even stop to think they also could have been haunting the place," I backed away from him, the loss of contact only made me more upset.

"We were told it was only one haunting," he talked slowly, frowning, "No one blames you."

"I just- I wish I could have done something," I looked down at my feet sheepishly before feeling a hand reach my chin. Lockwood forced me to look up at him. His eyes are stern as if he was trying to tell me I was being stupid.

"Listen to me, it isn't your fault. No one blames you. After it was broken you did everything you needed and more. You were amazing out there, I promise."

"Thank you," I whispered before realizing my eyes had looked down at his lips.

I looked back up at him. We sat there in silence, just staring into each other's eyes, waiting for the other to move. Eventually, he quickly glanced at my lips and gave me a questioning look. I nodded slightly.

His hand found its way to my cheek as he leaned in. His lips met mine. His kiss was soft and genital, almost as if he was scared to break me. He broke it but didn't move his face, away from mine. Rather he leaned his forehead against mine. We stood there for a while, both happy with the kiss. I wonder how long he has been waiting to do that because it seems like I have been waiting years.

"Come on, let's get you to bed," He said slowly before backing his head away from mine. I frowned at the loss of touch once again.

Before I could move I felt his arms wrap around my waist. I raised my eyebrows in confusion before realizing he was picking me up. I gave a slight gasp before wrapping my arms and legs around him, scared I would fall. I buried my head in his neck, afraid to look at the floor. In response he grabbed onto the bottom of my thighs, securing me even more.

I could feel his chest rise to realize he was laughing at me, I muttered a quick "shut up" to which he had no response.

He carried me out of the living room and up the stairs to the attic where I shared a room with Lucy. Once we had reached my bed he put me down. He gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before turning to leave. I grabbed his arm down to his wrist, holding him for a second.

"Wait, Lockwood," I called quietly, attempting to not wake Lucy. He hummed in response, turning to face me fully. "Please, stay with me. The nightmares, they're just..."

"No need to explain yourself, love, I'll stay. We will just have to make sure we wake up before George and Lucy, or we will never hear the end of it." He walked back next to me as I let go of his wrist.

I moved under the covers and over to the other side of the bed. Staring at Lockwood as he climbed in next to me. I laid back, not expecting Lockwood's arms to wrap around my waist and pull me close to him. My back was now against his chest and his legs intertwined with mine as we were both curled into a ball. I tugged on his rough hand and interlaced them. I could feel a smirk grow on his face onto my shoulder.

I felt more comfortable than ever. I felt safe, wanted, and possibly needed in his arms. I closed my eyes and it was like all of my problems went away.

I just cannot comprehend that I am in the arms of Anthony bloody Lockwood. All because I asked him to stay. All because I needed comfort. Now he is laying next to me, spooning me, in my BED.

#lockwood and co fanfiction #fanfic #lockwood and co #anthony lockwood x reader #anthony lockwood #lockwood oneshot

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morgansunflower · 4 months

Note

Can I request a story where y/n is Bruce's sister and trained with him with the league of assassins where a male version of Talia fell in love with her and they had Damian and then in the future he comes and tells y/n that Damian is her son just like Talia did with Bruce thank you in advance

Broken Heart

Male! Talia X Wayne! Reader

Warnings:suggestive content, explicit language, angst

Words:1469

Arthur's notes! This version of male! Talia is set before Morrison wrote her. Everything is completely consensual. No drugging whatsoever. Good male! Talia. Bad Ra's al Ghul.

Talin carried Y/N as she was unconscious from the nontoxic substance....

Talin knew if he left Damian with her.. Ra's would hurt them or worse. Only a few hours after Damian was born. Ra's had found them, after they had been in hiding. Which truly terrified Talin as not even Bruce knew where they were and that he had a nephew.

So as she laid sleeping recovering from childbirth. He let her breath in a substance that would make her unconscious and that would not hurt her.

He can't let the life he desperately wanted to let go, free. If he did Ra's would certainly target his family.

He stands holding her, in her old room after sneaking into the Manor. He kisses her lips softly with a bitter smile. He gently placed her on the bed and laid the blanket on her. He placed a letter containing only lies on her nightstand.

"Master Talin?" Alfred gasps seeing Y/N laying in a unconscious state "what happened to her? Is she alright?"

"she will be.. Keep her safe Alfred" he requested and before Alfred could utter a, word.. He was gone...

......

Y/N gently stirs in her sleep only remembering holding her newborn and her lover. "Talin?.. Talin?" she muttered.

Her baby! She opens her eyes and gasps realizing she is in her old room. She searches for both her lover and son. She sees a letter from Talin. She impatiently reaches for the first letter.

~Dear Y/N

I know writing to you about this, is highly inappropriate. I should have told you myself with my own words but I don't know how I can. Our son is gone. He died shortly after~

She gasps covering her face to muffle her impending sobs and forced herself to continue reading.

~he was in my arms. The Dr said there was nothing they could have done. They knew not of the cause of his sudden passing. I know you will blame yourself and I beg of you not to.

Do not try to find me. I do not wish to be loved again nor do I deserve to be loved by you. We don't belong together and I must not leave the life I belong to. Find someone who is worthy of you. Please find peace and joy where you can.

Sincerely, Talin~

Y/N's hands shake. She lost her breath. She let out a helpless cry. The letter falling from her hand. She feels her body was aching all throughout. Her sweet baby she could never hold was gone. Her truest love didn't want her.. In the simplest way, her heart was broken.

Bruce hurries to his sister hearing her heart wrenching sobs. He finds her in her bed shaking vigorously. She began to hyperventilate as her emotions worsen. She felt she was going to pass out.

"Y/N! Y/N! Y/N listen to me!" Bruce touched her arms still unable to gain her attention. She looks at her brother with such brokenness, it brought a grieving memory to the dark knight "listen to my breathes. Okay?"

She nodded listening to her brother's breathes helping her calm down. Bruce did not hesitate to comfort her as her arm's hold onto him. He kisses her head as she cried in his arms.

Y/N grew bitter as her heart was brittle. Bruce tried to comfort her in the best way he could. She still was not herself even years later. Nights were spent with dreams of Talin's arm's holding her and her baby cuddling against her chest. She often cried during night's that felt so real.

.....

With his father killed by Slade. Talin stood there bitter that so much had changed in his father. Though now Y/N and Damian were safe from him however Slade was a, new threat. Dusan offered his brother passage to leave the league of assassin's in exchange that he become the new leader.

Talin and Damian made there way to Gotham. The two sat on the couch on his yacht. Talin sees Damian reading not having turned a, single page in over a hour. He knew his son must be in despair.

Talin reaches to take the book.

"tt" he scoffed annoyed his father saw his turmoil.

"you have asked me continuously, prying for information about your mother ever since you could speak. Why do you seem unhappy now?"

"will she be.. Happy.. To see me?" Damian asked his father

"happy? She will be thrilled to see you again. I know she loves you very dearly"

"why did you take me away from her? Tell me what happened?" Damian asked

Talin sighed finally able to tell him the truth as it did not jeopardize his safety "well years ago.. Your uncle and your mother came to us. I trained with your mother frequently for many months.. We let our hearts overflow.. Shortly thereafter they left. She returned to me telling me that she was pregnant with you... I would not allow you to have your childhood ripped away from you. However.. Once you were born--" Talin sighed guilted by the memory "we were discovered by my fath.. By Ra's. He knew he could still use me to do his bidding and use you as his successor... He demanded I be rid of her or he would end you.. I could never hurt her so I took her to her family"

"you did it save mother and my own life.. Does she know I'm alive?"

"no she.. She does not know"

....

Y/N's heart leaps seeing the message from him. Part of her was genuinely happy but a part of her was angered. How could he leave her after losing their son? Why was he reaching out to her?

Y/N enters the yacht seeing Talin. He wore his dark green trousers, lace up boots, a dark green cloak and a black long-sleeve shirt. Her eyes touch his heart. So much time and she still made his body crave her and his heart feel so much love.

"I cannot imagine this is to be a social visit" she bluntly said her hands nearly shaking

"I wish it were.." he wanted to say he loves her and still wants her but he can't. She hates him he's certain "Ra's al Ghul, is dead. Slade is hunting us and wishes to kill us"

"us?..."

"not you and I beloved--" the word brought shame as she looked angered at him. "me and.. Our son"

"Talin..." she gaps her heart beating rapidly against her chest "our S-Son.."

Talin moves the curtains Damian steps from the shadows.

"mother..."

She looks at his eyes remembering the moment he was born. He's alive! "my baby" she cried his knees buckling beneath her. "my sweet baby boy"

Damian slowly approached her. She slowly reached to him with her arms shaking... He hugs her. So long had he wanted to meet her, to know she truly loves him... He was finally able to be held by her.

She looks to Talin to overcome with her emotions to fully understand. He knew the look in her beautiful pleading eyes. He explained everything to her unable to look in the face but only a few times...

As the two part able to calm down from the overwhelming reunion. Y/N stands on her feet kissing Damian's head. Talin kneels down to his son. He touches his face..

"you listen to your uncle. I know you will feel strange in such a different place but soon it will feel as home"

"you're not coming?" Damian asked appalled

He glanced to his past lover seeing her soft smile but looked back to his son before he became too emotional... He can't make her bare to be around him especially after he broke her heart.

"I know you always wanted to have a family that was complete. I'm so sorry I could never give you that. I am not abandoning you son. I will be there for you whenever you need me.. I will visit you" Talin promised..

He raised to his feet kissing Damian's head. The little boy hugged his father goodbye tightly. Talin's heart was breaking to leave them.

"Talin.. I don't.. I don't know if I can.. If we--" Y/N's lips begin trembling, missing him so dearly but she needed time "I don't want Damian to be without his father. Stay in Gotham, please"

He touched her chin kissing her forehead. He was devastated she did not want him but he couldn't blame nor stop loving her.

"you have spared me worry. I desire to be close, only for his safety and your own.. I am here for you should you ever need me or you wish to be at my side again"

#Talia al Ghul good parent #Male! Talia #batfamily #Wayne! Reader #Male! Talia al Ghul X Reader #damian wayne #Baby Damian Wayne #fluff #batman #angst #Alfred Pennyworth #Good Talia #consensual #Love #Hurt #Lies #Bad Ra's al Ghul

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callsign-magnolia · 10 months

Text

Undiagnosed // Ch. 12

Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC

Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.

Warnings: Emotional abuse, trauma response, abusive parents.

Word Count: 6.4k

Chapter 11 | Masterlist

For the first week I was lost. The only reason I really got up was to feed Calypso which is what I named my new fish or to eat. I was still upset with Jake, or myself.I didn’t quite know. Part of me wants to ask him, but I couldn’t get a hold of him even if I wanted to. The other part of me is screaming that it’s not my fault he’s mad at me. He couldn’t be mad that I went to Phoenix’s. I left because of him and Kelly and I didn’t force him to lay on the couch and wait for me. But every day while I lay here I can’t help but think I did something wrong, and that’s the reason he didn’t wake me up. That I did something that pissed him off to the point he didn’t want to see me before he left for six weeks. My emotions were everywhere. One minute I was angry, the next I would cry, and sometimes I just didn’t care. If he didn’t want to see me, I don’t want to see him. There was one point for all of an hour I considered moving out but that was shot down quickly when I realized that I had no money, all of my friends were gone besides Kelly, and I probably couldn’t make it on my own if I tried. I finally dragged myself out of the bed roughly a week after they were deployed and went downstairs for lunch, seeing as I slept through breakfast. That’s another thing I realized, my sleep schedule is all out of whack. I usually get up when Jake gets back from his morning run, but without him here, I’ve been sleeping till all hours of the day. Once downstairs I opened the fridge and peered inside. I glanced through it and the freezer, finding we really only had vegetables and things for sides. No real food.

I huffed and realized I had to go to the grocery store. So I stormed upstairs, pissed that my plans changed so suddenly. I didn’t want to go anywhere today. I wanted to stay here and finish up my last book and maybe find a movie to watch, but now I had to go to the damn store. I took what I thought was a quick shower, it was actually forty-five minutes. I was losing all sense of time. A simple shower and getting ready should only take me an hour or so, especially now that my hair is shorter. But it took me two hours to get ready. I simply blow dried my hair, put on some mascara in hopes I’d feel normal, and slipped on a light blue t-shirt dress. It was so hot outside today, I couldn’t even imagine wearing pants. I grabbed my glasses and slid them on before making my way downstairs. Jake told me a few days before he left that he was leaving me his credit card. I know he told me he was leaving it in one of the cabinets, tucked away but I couldn’t find it. I shoved my hand in every cabinet and even grabbed the step stool to look up on the top shelves. I was pretty sure Jake wouldn’t put it up that high but I had to check.

I still hadn’t found it and I was so frustrated I could’ve screamed. I looked under the stack of mail, moved things around on the counter, wondering if it fell and after half an hour I still hadn’t found it. Rage bubbled within me. Where the hell did he fucking put it? It’s not like I could call him and ask where it was. I let out a yell of frustration and became even more angry when I saw the card and a note on the other side of the kitchen, tucked between the coffee pot and the wall. “I don’t know why the fuck he thought that was a good idea.” I sneered, slamming my hand down on the card and tucking it in my wallet before looking at the note. ‘Get whatever you want or need, darlin’. Plenty of money on it.’ I scoffed, crumpling it up and tossing it into the trash can. Darlin’ my ass. Even the nice words and the name pissed me off. I grabbed his truck keys and my purse before making my way out to his truck. I got in and shut the door, turning the ignition. The vents blasted hot air at first but then cooled down pretty quick. “Fucking mountain.” I remarked as I slowly moved the seat closer to the steering wheel. Once I was all situated I backed out of the driveway and drove out of the little neighborhood and towards the store. I was still mad, so much so I turned the radio off completely. I usually blast music but I just needed a silent drive. I was heading for the closest little market which was about fifteen minutes away. I didn’t want to be out longer than necessary.

I leaned my elbow on the door and propped my head up as I pulled up to a red light. I sat there, waiting forever for the light to change and looked out my window. The car next to me looked slightly familiar, the silver color reflecting the sun off of it and into my eyes. But as I leaned over I caught sight of the familiar face of my mother. Thankfully, Jake’s truck sat higher than her car so as she looked out the passenger window she only saw the black exterior of the truck. I slammed back in my seat, hoping she didn’t just see me. My heart thudded in my chest and I squeezed my eyes shut as I attempted to calm myself. The honking of a horn made my eyes fly open and I slammed my foot on the gas, speeding off. Seeing my mother made me realize that I was about to go to the same grocery store as her and I quickly changed where I was heading. I drove an additional twenty minutes to the target on the north end of San Diego and felt a little better. I knew my parents never traveled farther than they had to, but I still felt uneasy. I walked into the store, opting for coffee from starbucks before I started my shopping. Although, coupled with the anxiety I just experienced it was probably a bad idea. But I didn’t care. I took my large coffee cup and grabbed a buggy before turning for the back of the store where the food sat.

I couldn’t help but look over my shoulder occasionally, fearing one of my parents would be right behind me. I grabbed things such as ground beef, chicken, pasta, a few microwave or one pot meals. I took my time, scouring the aisles for anything I may need or want. As one person, cooking big meals was almost a waste so finding ways to cook single servings was the best way to go. With Jake I could make a full meal and he’d eat over half by himself. I left the grocery section, heading straight over to the book section and looked around every aisle. I found a few books that piqued my interest, one of them was called Twisted Love and the other, A Court Of Thorns and Roses. I was into older romance stories, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, The Princess Bride but I felt like I should try something else. So I went for a more modern romance and a fantasy. I thought back to Jake’s note, ‘Get whatever you want or need.’ Smirking, I grabbed a few others that seemed interesting and went to check out. Once I paid I loaded everything into the car and decided to stop at Five Guys for a burger, fries and a milkshake and rushed home. The closer I got to the house, the more nervous I got. Seeing my mom made me realize I didn’t go far. Bumping into them is very much a real threat and now I understand why Jake was cautious about where he took me.

Once I was home I rushed to get everything inside and locked the door behind me. I sighed in relief, knowing I was home and there was no way I could bump into my mother. Once everything was put away I sat on the couch with my food, deciding to eat while I watched a movie. One Natasha suggested was the Princess Bride. I had read the book dozens of times but I had never seen the movie. So I sat, ate and attempted to forget my mothers face. I thought I was totally safe here, but it’s not like I ran off to another country, I basically ran down the road. But as I sit here, a full stomach and my sweet tooth curbed, I can’t help but worry that my parents really know where I am. I tried to not worry, but it seems to be something I’m good at. Halfway through the movie I decided to lay down on the couch, maybe a nap would do me good. As the movie was coming to a close I could feel the exhaustion creeping in on me.

A loud bang woke me up and I jumped up in fear. The banging was coming from the front door, I could see it shaking from the force. I stared at it as I slowly stood from the couch, making my way over the window. I moved the curtains and the blinds only to see blackness. It was the type of black you see in underground tunnels and caves, you can’t see your hand in front of your face, the type that seeps into your bones and scares you to the core. I couldn’t even see the white railings that lined the front porch. The banging continued and I walked over,standing on my toes to look out the peephole. As I did so the banging stopped but I looked out the peephole to once again, find blackness. I sighed and lowered myself off my toes just as the wood on the door splintered and a large hand came through, grabbing the front of my dress and slamming me face first into the door before letting me go. I fell to the floor scrambling away from the door as the hand reached for the locks and turned them. The door slowly swung open to reveal my father. Everything was silent, save for my heaving breaths as I tried to breathe and fight the tears back. He simply stood there and I took the opportunity to get up and run. I went for the back door but it was gone. Why was it gone?! The garage door through the kitchen was gone as well and I panicked, rushing for the stairs. I would go into my room and lock the door before scaling down the lattice by my window. But as I started up the stairs my father was suddenly before me. His hand shot out before smacking me clear across the face and sending me head first into the banister before tumbling backwards down the stairs.

Pain blossomed across my face as I sat up with a yell. I pulled my hand away to see blood on it and the carpet. “Oh, it was just a dream.” I sighed out. I heard my phone buzz and saw it was a facetime from Bradley. Excitement swelled within me and I immediately answered. “Hang on.” I called, standing and rushing to the bathroom with my phone. “Well hello to you too.” He remarked. “Everything okay?” He asked. “Yeah, I just had a nightmare and I’ve seemed to roll off the couch and I hit my nose on the coffee table.” I answered as I wiped the blood from my face. “Let me see?” He asked and I sighed, propping up the phone so he could see me. “Damn.” That’ll probably bruise.” He said. “I know.” It went quiet for a moment before he spoke up. “What was the nightmare about?” He asked. “My dad broke in. All the doors disappeared so I was forced up the stairs…” I trailed off. “Then he smacked me and sent me backwards down the stairs. I must’ve been moving around a lot on the couch and fell off, smacking my face on the coffee table.” I said.

“How often do you have nightmares?” He asked. “I haven’t had them in a few weeks. But…” He raised a brow at me. “But what?” He asked. I chewed on my bottom lip. “I went to the store today and when I stopped at a red light… I saw my mom.” He was silent, his lips pursed in a line and I couldn’t quite tell his emotions. “Are you sure it was her?” He asked and I nodded. “One hundred percent positive.” “And did she see you?” He asked and I shook my head. “I don’t think so. At least, she didn’t look right at me.” I said. “Good.” He said and I walked out of the bathroom and into my room where I flopped down onto my bed. “Woah, your bed’s not made?” He asked and I shook my head. “Nope.” I was usually uptight about my bed. It had to be made or else I wouldn't sleep good. Sleeping in an already messy bed stressed me out for some reason. “Katie? How long have you been in bed?” He asked and a blush crept up my cheeks. “Don’t lie to me.” He added. “Today was the first day I really got up.” I answered. “God. Hangman is gonna lose his mind.” He said and I sat up. “You aren’t gonna say shit to him.” I said and he raised a brow. “He doesn’t get to know every little thing that’s going on with me, especially since he left without waking me, saying goodbye, nothing.” I spat.

“I’m sensing some anger.” He said. “If you were getting deployed, and you asked someone if you should wake them up the next morning to go to the docks with you or at least say goodbye, would you do it?” He raised a brow as if that was a dumb question. “Of course I would.” He answered before he gasped. “Jake didn’t say goodbye.” I shook my head. “No, he didn’t and I can’t help but think it’s because he’s mad at me. But I didn’t force him to sleep on the couch and wait for me to come home.” I had started pacing at this point, my phone propped up on my pillow so he could see me. “Wait, what am I missing?” He asked and I realized he probably has no idea what I’m talking about. I flopped onto the bed, lying on my stomach as I looked at my phone. “The night before you guys left, I heard Jake and Kelly… having sex.” His eyebrows shot up. “That’s weird, Hangman says Kelly is always worried someone would hear and he can hardly get her to say a word in bed.” I brushed it off. “Yeah, well she didn’t seem to care that night. But I went to Natasha's for a while. I felt like I was intruding but I came back home really late and he was asleep on the couch.” Bradley hummed and nodded. “He didn’t seem mad when he got up. He asked if I wanted him to wake me up before he left and I said yes, but then I woke up and y’all were long gone.” I said, letting my head fall to my mattress.

“Katie, I don’t think he did it out of spite.” He said and I huffed. “Then why else would he leave without saying goodbye? It makes no sense!” He shrugged. “I-I don’t know. It’s so unlike him.” He said and I heard a door open on his end. I sniffled, wiping my tears before they fell. “Aw, Katie. Don’t cry, please.” He said and I sat up, sitting cross legged in front of my phone. “Katie?” I groaned as I heard Jake’s voice on the other end. “What’s wrong? C’mon darlin’, talk to me!” He said and I scoffed, scowling and I flipped my phone face down on the comforter. “Katie?” Jake called. “What the fuck did you do to her?” I assume his question was towards Bradley. “What did I do? I think you might want to be asking yourself that, bagman.” Bradley snapped back. “Me?!” He asked, shocked. “Katie, darlin’. Talk to me please.” I knew it was childish, the way I was acting, but I knew if I even looked at him I would give in. “Katie, c’mon. You’re scaring me, I’m worried.”

I grabbed the phone, flipping it over and glaring at him through the screen. He seemed to notice the anger in my eyes and leaned back in surprise. “Oh, you’re worried? Bless your heart.” I said before setting my phone back down. “Wha-You-” He stumbled over his words until he found the right ones. “You don’t get to insult me like that!” He called out and I rolled my eyes. “This is my call with her you know, not yours.” I grabbed my phone again. “Yeah, this is mine and Bradley’s call. So why don’t you find something else to do, without saying goodbye.” I snapped and Bradley snickered at Jake’s confusion. “What?” Bradley laughed at him. “Just leave us alone, Jake. I don’t want to talk to you right now.” I said and Bradley snatched the phone. “Yeah, she doesn’t wanna talk to you.” He said, walking out of his and Jake’s room. “You know he’s going to pout all day.” He said and I rolled my eyes. “Let him. Like I care.” I spat and he just grinned at me. “You know you care.” He said and while I wouldn’t admit it, I do hate making Jake feel bad but I’m so angry with him. “Can we change the subject?” I asked and he nodded with a smile. “Wanna see something?” He asked and I nodded. He turned the phone around and I saw a beautiful view of the ocean and what seemed to be a sun rise. “Oh my god.” I gasped out. “Bradley, it’s beautiful.” I said and he turned the phone back around, a giant grin on his face. “Isn’t it?” He asked and I nodded.

“Hey, Bradley?” I asked and he hummed in acknowledgement. "Why did you use your call on me?" I asked and he just smiled. "Truth?" I nodded. "I've never had anyone to call on deployments." My heart broke for him. I could never imagine being so far away for so long and never having anyone to call and talk to. "I knew Hangman would use his calls to talk to Kelly, so I wanted to call you. Keep you updated, and just talk to you." He said with a grin. "With an answer like that, Jake may believe you really do have romantic feelings for me." I joked and he laughed. "If it gets him to admit his own feelings then good!" I gave him a small smile. "He doesn't have feelings for me, Rooster. Besides, if he did he wouldn’t have left without at least leaving a note.” I said. “You just don’t see it.” I scoffed. “See what? The way he looks at his girlfriend?” I asked, chuckling at the end. “I’m telling you, Katie. There’s something there.” I rolled my eyes at him and we continued our conversation, without the mention of Jake. Once we were done I went upstairs and got ready for bed. My nose still hurts from my fall and I’m sure I would have a nasty bruise just like Bradley said. But thankfully, I’m ninety-nine percent sure that it is not broken. As I laid in bed that night I couldn’t help but realize some of my anger had faded away. Jake telling me he was worried, made me a little pleased. It was so easy for me to give in to him and all because of my own stupid feelings. But I couldn’t just let this go so easily, couldn’t be weak. My thoughts cast me off into sleep, one that thankfully was nightmare free.

I spent the next few days reading and trying to think of what else to do with my time. I had my next therapy session in two weeks and I quickly remembered I told Dr. Davis I would apply to some nursing programs. So I spent a few days applying to a few programs, ones that I would have a decent chance of getting in. The thought of going back to school scared me, but I knew that I would regret not even trying. I was cleaning a few days later, about a week after Bradley called me when the doorbell rang. I froze in the middle of my mopping and looked out of the kitchen and towards the front door. I slowly stalked forwards, standing on my toes and looking out the peephole. I was relieved to see Kelly’s face, looking straight at the door so I swung it open with a large smile. “Hi!” I greeted cheerfully. She gave me a small smile and stepped inside. She hung up her purse like usual and walked into the kitchen. “Oh! Be careful! I was in the middle of mopping!” I called, following after her. She didn’t seem to notice nor care as she traipsed across the clean floors and opened the fridge. “No beer?” She asked and I shook my head. “I don’t drink it.” I said. “Well Jake does.” I nodded, a little caught off guard by her stern tone. “Well he finished the last of them before he left and I plan to get some closer to the time of him coming home.” I responded as she pulled out a water bottle.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked and she hummed. “Is Jake mad at me?” I asked. She pursed her lips, sighing. “I wouldn’t say mad. More annoyed.” My face and hopes fell. “Oh…” I said. “It’s just… you’re always around.” She said. “We keep trying for alone time and you’re just there. Like the night before he shipped out. We had to change up everything so as not to disturb you and you still left.” I bit my lip, looking down at my bare feet. “I’m sorry. If you had asked me to leave I would’ve.” I replied. “But we shouldn’t have to.” She snapped and my head hung even more if possible. “You just follow Jake around like a lost puppy and it’s even getting on my nerves.” She said and I furrowed my brows. “Does it bother Jake?” I asked. “Of course it bothers him!” She said loudly. “It bothers the both of us.” I opened my mouth to reply but didn’t know what to say. “Maybe it’s time you find somewhere else to live.” She said and I could practically feel myself go pale. “I think I'd rather talk to Jake about this.” I said, standing tall. “It is his house and he did invite me to stay… So I’ll talk to him about it.” She scoffed. “He’s going to tell you the same thing I just did. Better to leave before he gets home and avoid the awkwardness.” She grinned at me and all the anger that I’ve had pent up came to the surface. My fists clenched at my sides, my nails making crescent shapes in my palms.

“Is that all you have to say?” I asked, the anger evident in my voice. She just grinned at me. “Did I strike a nerve?” She asked mockingly. “Yeah. You fucking did.” She seemed surprised by my honesty. “I don’t know what kind of satisfaction you’re getting from coming here and telling me these things, but you're done.” I snapped. “It’s not your house.” She said, taking a step closer. “It’s not yours either.” Her face fell. She thought she was clever. “Now please leave.” Her eyes glanced at my fists and she noticed the shaking. “I will leave you with this reminder. Jake is my boyfriend and you will never take him from me.” I scoffed in her face. “And I’ll leave you with a reminder. The world does not revolve around you and I don’t want your fucking boyfriend. You can keep him and I hope that you have the life you deserve with him.” I sneered. “Now leave.” She stood before me, her face mere inches from my own. Her breath fanned against my face and I could smell alcohol. “And brush your fucking teeth when you get home. That’s disgusting.” Her hand immediately flew to her mouth before she stormed towards the door. She grabbed her purse from the hook but it got caught and instead of lifting it, she yanked it and the force pulled the board with the hooks off the wall. “Fuck you!” I yelled as she slammed the door behind her. “Now I have to clean this shit up.”

A few hours later I had cleaned everything up and finished the rest of the house before pouring myself a glass of wine. Before I could even take my first sip my phone started ringing and as I lifted it, Jake’s name flashed across the screen. I slammed it down on the table and stared at it. I took a sip and was going to let it continue to ring, but decided to answer at the last second. “Hey, darlin’.” He said with a big smile and I propped my phone up. “We need to talk.” My voice was stern and it shocked him. “What happened to your nose? What’s going on?” He asked. “My nose doesn’t matter. If you wanted me gone Jake, you should’ve fucking told me. What did you just want a house sitter while you were gone? Just decided to wait till you came home to tell me to find somewhere else to live?” I snapped. “What are you talking about?” He asked, brows furrowing. “Don’t play dumb. Kelly told me how I was getting on your nerves and that I need to find somewhere else to live.” His eyebrows shot up and he leaned back slightly. “Woah! Hold on!” I shook my head. “No! You should’ve told me! If you want me gone, if you’re mad that I’m interrupting your alone time with your girlfriend, you should’ve told me!” I yelled out as I stood. “I can be reasonable if you’re honest with me! But dammit, Jake! I have spent so much of my life around lies, I can’t just let that go!” “Katie. Darlin’-” “Don’t fucking call me that.” I interrupted and he nodded. “Katie. I never lied to you and I never would. I don’t know what Kelly was saying, but I sent her over there to check on you.”

“She sure checked in! Busted up in here and told me all about how I was wrecking your relationship and that I needed to find somewhere else to live, and how you’re her boyfriend and I will never steal you from her. Newsflash, I don’t fucking want you.” I snapped. Saying that to Kelly didn’t phase me, but saying it to Jake, that hurt. “Wait what?” He asked loudly. “Yeah. So you get your wish. I won’t be here when you get home.” I said. “No! Katie? Katie please!” He yelled as I stood up. “What?” If steam could be rolling out of my ears, I'm sure it would. I was shaking. I was so mad. But also upset. I should've known better than to hold out hope that this would work out. Nobody can handle you. You run every one off. “Darlin’, please. Don’t leave.” His eyes were misty as tears filled them and a part of me felt bad. “Please. Don’t leave.” Was he… begging? “Why shouldn’t I?” I asked. “Because whatever Kelly said, it’s a lie. I didn’t lie, she is.” I furrowed my brows. “You’re calling your own girlfriend a liar?” I asked, surprised. “Yes. Because she’s lying. I don’t want you to leave. Katie, if anything I never want you to leave. I’ve grown so used to having you in the house and I don’t want you to leave.”

“Wh-why don’t you stay there and we’ll talk when I get home.” I sat back, huffing. “Jake-” “Katie. Please.” He said sternly. “Please, just stay.” My jaw tensed. “I will be here when you get home. But we are having a talk that day, no putting it off.” He nodded. “Good. Great!” He said. “But if I want to leave, you won’t stop me.” I said and his face fell. “If I stay we have to have a serious talk about what we’re gonna do moving forward because I am so fucking tired of assuming you’re angry with me everytime I turn around.” I said, tears of my own forming. “Katie, I’ve never been remotely angry with you.” He said and I sighed. “Let’s talk when you come home. I’m exhausted.” I said and he nodded. “Alright, darlin’. I’ll see you in four weeks.” He said. “Bye, Jake.” He barely said goodbye before I hung up and chugged the entire glass of wine. This was going to be a long four weeks. I thought before getting up and grabbing the bottle. “Might as well keep this nearby.” I muttered as I strolled over to the couch, flopping down on it.

The following week was my therapy appointment and as soon as I sat down in Dr. Davis’ office, my leg was shaking. “I’m sorry I was late. I can’t seem to get myself together lately.” I said and she shook her head. “No! It’s okay, it was one minute!” She said but I couldn’t help but feel like she was actually upset with me. “Are you sure?” I asked. “I’m not upset or frustrated with you if that’s what you're asking.” She said. “Do you often feel like people are upset with you?” She asked and I nodded. “Let’s talk about that.” I explained everything, from my parents constantly being upset with me, to feeling like Jake is angry with me. We had started EMDR which was a little weird at first. My eyes were closed and I was tapping my knees in a steady rhythm, “I didn’t tell him why I thought he was mad.” She hummed and immediately I felt nauseous. “Are you okay?” She asked as I opened my eyes. “No, I feel nauseous.” She nodded, jotting some stuff down. “You seem to feel everything physically. The dizziness, the nausea.” She said and I took a few deep breaths, the nausea slowly subsiding.

“How do you feel about the situation with Jake now?” She asked. “It’s an eight.” She nodded. “Good! We started at a ten and we’ve already gotten it down to an eight! Just remember you may not feel like this is resolved until you talk to him.” I nodded. “Now, let’s talk about nursing school.” She said and I practically jumped in my seat. “Yes! I applied to three programs!” She smiled. “Good, which ones?” She asked and I told her. “Those aren’t very respected schools. Their graduation rates are low.” She said. “Yeah but… I struggle in school, a lot, and I think these are the only ones that will take me.” She shook her head and started writing. “I want you to apply to these two schools.” She said and handed me the paper. “San Diego State University, University of San Diego? These are the best schools in the city.” She nodded. “I don’t think I’ll get in.” She just smiled at me. “You’ll never know until you try.” She said and I stared at the paper. Once I apply to these two I will have applied to five. “What if I don’t get into any of them?” I asked. “Then we’ll figure out what to do in the meantime and if you want, you can apply again next year.” With that my session was over and I walked out to the truck, the paper clutched in my hand. Once I got in and got the air flowing I looked down at it. “She’s crazy to think I will get in.”

I set the paper down on the table when I got home. I couldn’t think about it right now, my mind was swirling between Jake, the Kelly issue and school. I decided to get lost in a book, I decided to open up Twisted Love. Maybe a little romance will make me feel better. I laid on the couch as I read and had wine and pizza for dinner. It took me a few days to work up the courage to apply and it was Bradley who convinced me too. “So why haven’t you applied?” He asked as I sat on the couch eating a sandwich. “What if I don’t get in?” I asked. “Sounds like a dumb reason to not apply.” He said, making me frown. “You think?” I asked and he nodded. “I know. You should apply! If they say no then you can always apply again next year.” He said and I sighed. “But what will I do if I don’t get in? I can’t just sit around and wait a whole year.” He chuckled. “We’ll figure something out. Why don’t you just do it?” He asked. “I guess I really don’t have a reason not to.” He nodded. “If anything, you have every reason to do it.” He was right. “Okay, I’ll do it once we get off the phone.” I said. “Just so you know, Jake has been pouting since your call.” He said and I giggled. “You haven’t told him?” I asked and he grinned at me. “Absolutely not. I’m enjoying this way too much.” He said. “Has he asked?” He nodded. “At least once a day, and when he realized I knew why you were mad he’s taken to practically begging me to tell him.” I giggled at his words.

“Well I guess it’s almost time for you to go to bed.” He said as I yawned and then I nodded. “Yeah, but I’m gonna send in those two applications before I go to bed.” I said. “You sure you’re not too tired?” He asked and I nodded. “I’ll sleep better if I go ahead and send them in. They’ve been stressing me out every time I think about them.” I said. “Makes sense. Well I’ll let you send those in and I’ll call you next week.” He said. “Alright. Bye, Bradley.” I said and he waved before the call ended. I took a deep breath before going upstairs and going into Jake’s room. It smelled like him and always made me feel better. I snagged his laptop that he’s been allowing me to use and went downstairs. I sat on the couch for an hour sending these two in before I got ready for bed. I put Jake’s laptop back in his room and turned to leave but I stopped in the doorway. Smelling his cologne brought me comfort and I hadn’t been sleeping the best. Maybe I could just snag one of his shirts. I made my way to his dresser and opened the drawer, it was mostly boxers and socks so I closed it and opened the one below it.

I found a burnt orange longhorn shirt and it smelled strongly of Jake. Is it weird for me to wear his shirt? “It’ll be washed and back in his drawer before he ever gets home.” I took the shirt into my room and slipped it on. I looked in my mirror and honestly, I looked good in his shirt and white thong. If Kelly ever found out she’d lose it, but who gives a fuck what she thinks anymore. I crawled into bed and grabbed my book again. I was about halfway through the book and was growing tired until I read the words, ‘On your knees.’ My face burned and I closed the book. “Did I just read that?” I had never read smut before and part of me felt embarrassed. The other part of me had to continue. So I opened the book back up and read on. My entire body was burning as I read and with the smell coming from the shirt I had on, I could only think of Jake and I. Specifically, Jake and I in this situation. An entire weekend hidden away to do nothing but explore each other’s bodies. “Oh my god.” I said, slamming the book shut. “I did not just think that.” I said before setting the book down and rolling over in bed. “I just have to put it out of my mind.” I muttered but it took forever to fall asleep, the ache between my legs was strong but finally I drifted off. But of course Jake was an ever present figure in my dream.

After that I couldn’t pick the book back up, so I started A Court of Thorns and Roses instead. But at this point I also couldn’t fall asleep without wearing Jake’s shirt, so all night his scent wafted around me and he was constantly in my dreams. It was about three days after I sent in the applications that I started receiving emails about the nursing programs. So far I was asked to come in and interview for two and as I prepared dinner, my phone dinged again with another email. I wiped my hands clean and picked up my phone. I opened the email and smiled, ‘Miss Blair, congratulations on moving on to the next stage of the application process. We would love to have you in for a panel interview next week to see if you would be a good candidate for our program.’ I squealed as I looked at the logo for San Diego State University. Between them, United States University and the University of San Diego, I had to get into one, right? I immediately sent an email to Bradley and Natasha in my excitement, but I asked them to keep it quiet. I wanted to email Jake so badly, but I was still so mad at him. I needed these few weeks to hurry by so I could get everything sorted out, but with all the dreams I’ve been having I don’t even know if I could look him in the eye anymore.

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gubbin-galoshes · 5 months

Text

Yesterday I arrived at a Christmas fundraiser event as a volunteer. There were parents and kids, carols and laughter, families dancing and talking in bright voices.

My back was to it all. I guarded the entry table, took money, explained the festivities, and watched them move on. Other volunteers came to talk with me, sat at the table two and three at a time, offered me cocoa and cookies and engaged me in bright conversation while the room reverberated with noise and more families came in and waited expectantly at my table.

Four hours later, I felt like I was going to pass out, but I had two more hours to go. By the time I got home after dark, I was shaking. I felt like my brain had been sucked out with a straw, leaving a rattling ringing in my ears.

This morning, after running tech for the UU service, everyone got up and started talking at once but I couldn't understand them because there was a crashing ocean noise in my skull that rumbled painfully in my ears every time someone made a sound. I had to get out. I picked up my bag, said goodbye, and ran.

For the past few years-- since joining this community and since becoming a manager at work, since I've started running meetings and supervising people and being asked to give every moment of my time to solving other people's personal problems or to noisy, bright, confusing events --I've forced myself to try and be normal.

Normal is taking everything I have, so I keep my abnormalities to myself: my fanfiction, my kids' shows, my fantasy novels, my podcasts, the tent I sleep in every night because it's the only thing that makes me feel safe. These things are secret because they're mine and mine alone. I can't let normal take them, too.

One of those secret things is Hilda.

I adore this show so incredibly much. I feel like it was written just for me: the folklore, the woods, the low-stakes adventures, the knowledge that everything will be okay in the end. This is the world I always wanted. It's the story that I always wanted to write. Even now, its gentle lessons on how to be a good person and how to be a good friend are morals I needed to hear. And I tried applying those lessons: be adventurous, invite others to explore with you, say what's on your mind, ask questions, knock on doors, help where help is needed, engage fully in every conversation, spend all your time with other people, leap first and look later, be loud, and contribute to the noise and color and light. Do all these things and everyone will love you. Keep doing it, even if it hurts. You'll adjust. You'll become resilient. And you'll be happy and you'll make everyone else happy.

But then. Now. There's Louise.

This is me. I'm so quiet that no one sees me, no one knows my name, and when I make a sound people jump. In my overwhelmed and frustrated state, after trying so hard to be like everyone else, this three-second scene made me cry with relief.

I'd been so focused on turning myself into the person that everyone else needed that I'd forgotten who I am. Louise reminded me. As the episode went on, I remembered how I used to quietly and calmly observe. How I would absorb and analyze and only speak when I'd built up something to say.

But most importantly-- the thing that reached into my soul and ripped it out --was the fact that Louise is comfortable in who she is. By the end of the show, her quiet observation is her strength. She's strong and confident, not timid and shy. She can be accepted warmly as a good friend even if she isn't as loud as everyone else. Her character arc is not to overcome her quietness. Being quiet is a part of her personality, and she's loved and accepted for who she is.

And that? I don't remember seeing that.

Ever.

Only a couple weeks ago I sat in a roomful of people and told them I was grateful to them for teaching me how to be more outgoing while, at the same time, the raging ocean waves of protest crashed in my ears. Just push through it, I'd thought. The more you force yourself to be extroverted, the easier it will become. But what if it was okay to be myself?

I haven't watched past this introductory episode, but this kids' show is washing away my existential crisis and I love it so, so much.

#journal #hilda netflix #introvert

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alexsoenomel · 1 year

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Fuck Away The Pain (Sub!Dean Winchester x Reader smut)

Summary: Sad reader is a horny reader basically

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: sexy times with Dean

Word count: 1578

Note: First person fic because I was sad and listening to THIS song. It inspired me. Like/ reblog or both if you like it :)

I tossed and turned as my mind went into an overdrive. I didn't know what was going on I just knew I needed him. I was craving his touch, his scent, his ability to calm me down when I would lose myself in my own mind. It was like sometimes I would enter a maze and get lost in it.

At this point I was crying and also trying to understand why. I was happy with him, hell, I haven't felt like this in a very long time. This life I was living was dark and twisted but he was the light at the end of the tunnel, not only him, but also his brother. Sam was a brother I never had and Dean was the love I have never experienced. As long as I had them I had it all.

Then why was I crying?

As I was whipping my tears in complete darkness, I heard him open the door of the room we shared. We collectively had a day off, that day, no hunts, no cases, just drinks and laughter. I got so drunk I passed out on our bed at God knows what hour. I woke up after few hours, took a shower and drank something for pulsating head of mine with lots of water but I couldn't go back to sleep. The headache was gone, but my soul was sad.

Now I had to pretend. I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down, but to no avail. I heard the sound of his belt as he took his boots off and seconds later his jeans. He laid next to me and hugged me as I was lying and fighting the urge not to burst into tears. The thing that finally gave me off was the sound of my nose sniffling.

"(Y/N)?" He whispered. "Are you okay?"

"No." I whispered. "Not really."

I turned around whipped my tears and kissed him as hard as I possibly could. He kissed back immediately, cupping my face with his hand as I climbed on top of him, my lips not leaving his. I could still taste the alcohol on his lips but I didn't mind. I just needed him.

I broke the kiss as his silhouette was looking at me, inches away I could feel his alcohol filled breath on my face. I think he was quite confused by my actions but didn't protest. He moved my hair behind my left ear as it was falling on his face.

"Wha-"

"Shhh kiss me!" Before he could speak I placed a finger on his full lips only to move it seconds later to kiss him again. The kisses turned into a full blown make out session, making me hungry for more. My hands were exploring his body until one settled between his legs, feeling the hardness which turned me on even more. I was eager, needy and pathetic. I knew that but didn’t care. I just wanted to feel him and forget, forget my existence and to be sucked in pleasure by the man I loved the most.

A moan left my lips as I felt his fingers underneath my panties, feeling my already wet and pulsating core.

“God, I love that sound!” He whispered as he moved my hair and buried his lips in the crook of my neck, knowing damn well it will drive me mad.

And it did. My patience was running out as I took his face by the chin forcing him to look at me. His eyes were like two green emeralds shinning in the darkness studying each line of my face.

"Will you make me cum, Dean?" I whined. "I." I positioned myself on his dick as I slowly started to rub myself against his hard dick. "Really." Each word that left my sinful lips was a thrust.

"Want."

"To." .

"Cum."

I could see Dean slowly losing himself in me. Everything I did he liked, but telling him what to do he liked the most and praising him made him lose his damn mind.

"Can you do that, please Dean?" I asked him before kissing and biting his lower lip. I loved biting every inch of him, leaving my marks but making his lips sore and sensitive was my favorite.

"I-I can do that." His whispers became heavier as I kneeled between his legs and took off his boxers and I positioned myself on him. I didn't sit just yet, his tip was touching my entrance making him grow impatient and needy for me just the way I liked it. I leaned in and kissed his neck whispering how good he is.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked him inches away from his face.

"I want you to sit on me." He barely managed to say.

"Beg me! I wanna hear it!" I demanded. The only thing better than Dean's moans was him begging me to satisfy him. I enjoyed seeing him in that state, all hot and bothered being desperate, especially since he had such a strong presence as a person. It turned me on knowing no one can make Dean plead and boss him around, besides me.

"Please, (Y/N)! I'm going insane, do something!"

"Oh really?" I teased with a smirk on my face, while rubbing myself on his tip a little bit more. God, he was hot.

"Ye-yes please!"

"God, I love when you beg!"

I slowly sat down while my hand was holding his dick, feeling just how big he was. He was stretching me as I moaned feeling a wave of pleasure going through my whole body. I could never get tired of that. I loved feeling him inside of me.

"Fuck!" He moaned.

"Do I feel good?" I bit my lower lip as I slowly started to move up and down establishing a pace. "Do you like when I'm riding you?"

"Yes, I do!" He said holding on to my hipbones as my pace became faster. I desperately wanted to cum. I needed it.

"You feel so good Dean. Fuck!"

I was feeling every inch of him inside me, it was euphoric, intense and I could feel my orgasm approaching. I was slowly starting to lose it completely. I leaned in and kissed him, biting his lip again as he took my head with his hands forcing me to look at him. We stayed like that inches away breathing each other and moaning each other's names over and over again.

"I love you!"

"I love you too!" He said it back.

I couldn't help but smile. The feelings this man made me feel...No human has ever made me feel. I trusted him with my life and loved him more than anything else in this world. He was my person.

I was getting closer to coming undone and completely falling apart. I saw the same in him.

Without saying anything I took his thumb and put it in my mouth as I started rubbing myself on his bare skin while riding him. He loved when I sucked his fingers and I wanted him to be satisfied too.

"You are crazy (Y/N)!" He said as he took out his thumb and kissed me hungerly practically wanting to devour me whole. We both moaned into the kiss before it hit me.

"I'm close." I managed to say. My pace was fast and steady. He was hitting just the right spots.

"Me too."

I could feel it. My whole body shaking, his name never leaving my lips as I balanced myself on his legs with my hands, back slightly arched. I came all over him.

I didn't want to end there. I wanted him to cum too. So, I didn't stop moving, not until he came too. He dig his fingers in my flesh even harder as his orgasm came and was as intense as mine. Since I was on the pill I didn't mind him filling me up every now and then, I actually quite enjoyed it.

When we both came down from our highs a little bit, I collapsed right next to him.

"What was that?" Dean asked me trying to catch his breath.

"That was I was sad and I wanted to fuck the sadness away."

He turned on his side and placed an innocent kiss on my shoulder. "Why?"

"Why what?" I asked looking at him. He was so beautiful...

"Why were you sad?"

"I have my weak moments." I wasn't much of a talker sometimes, especially when it came to my feelings. Sometimes I felt like I blocked that vulnerable part of me. I trusted him, but I didn't trust myself talking about my demons. Turning them into words would make them real and I didn't want that. Usually, I would just sleep it off.

It was his time to take control and take care of me. "Spill it!"

"I just get overwhelmed sometimes. I feel like drowning in my own thoughts for no God damn reason. And I don’t even know why I was sad. It just hit me like a brick."

"I get it. You do know you can talk to me about that, right? You don't have to keep quiet, whatever it is."

"I know. Well I'm not sad anymore so that's a plus."

"I love you (Y/N)!" He smiled.

"Forever and always Dean!"

I laid on his chest as he played with my hair in silence.

Like I said, he was all I needed. His presence, his scent, his soul...

My soul was lost without his.

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