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youmakestays-stay · 2 years

Text

Alter Ego (H)

Hwang Hyunjin x Evil!Hwang Hyunjin

Genre: Horror, Suggestive(?)

Word Count: 2,295

Warnings: Torture, Mentions of blood, Mentions of death

Tag List: @fullmoonstranger

A/N: Happy Halloween! 🎃👻 I had so much fun while writing this, I hope you all like it as much as i did! 💖

Disclaimer: The things evil Hyunjin is saying are NOT TRUE. I had no bad intentions behind any of the words I wrote. I love Hyunjin to death, I just wanted to write them to fit the concept

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Now, Hwang Hyunjin was known by his duality on and off stage among his fans and many other people. Some might say it’s the passion he has for performing, some say he gets possessed on stage by some sort of demon creature. However, there was a reason behind his duality. Nonetheless, it got him attention and exposure. Although he was shy about it, and often had self confidence issues, he knew he was hot and wasnt afraid to show it to the whole world.

Thunderous promotions ended successfully. It had been about 11 months since Stray Kids had a comeback and they poured everything they could into it. Sleepless nights, practicing until the late hours, or even till the sunrise with getting little to no sleep.

Winning 7 music show trophies, JYP decided to give them a well deserved break, as a reward for their hard work. The company let them have a week off, sending Chan and Felix to Australia to reunite with their parents. It had been way too long since they got to see them. Everyone left to spend time with their family.

When Hyunjin entered the familiar password, he could hear Kkami barking for him, welcoming him home with his tiny body. Though he had a hiatus because of some farfetched rumors and had to stay at home for a long time, he still missed home and his family.

“Hi, Kkami~” he kneeled down, taking Kkami in his arms and ruffling his fur. The dog wiggled his tail and nuzzled his face on Hyunjin’s hand, something he never did whenever Hyunjin was filming his vlogs. It was kind of like an inside joke by now because Kkami liked ignoring Hyunjin whenever the cameras were rolling.

After unpacking and washing up, Hyunjin went to the kitchen to have a breakfast. He didn’t have the chance to eat anything since he left the dorms quite early. His parents weren’t home either, leaving him alone to have breakfast.

He opened the fridge door, looked around a bit while humming as he decides what to eat “What should we eat, Kkami?” he asked without looking away from the fridge and giggled softly as Kkami barked. He got some cherry tomatoes, cheese and balsamic sauce. He sat on the chair and started eating, pulling out his phone to watch some things while he ate. As Kkami started whining and crying, he pealed some tomatoes to give to him.

After he was done, he cleaned the kitchen, making his way to the couch after. He laid down, put his legs over the coffee table as he got the remote to turn the tv on. He scrolled through channels for a bit until he found something he’d like to watch. It had been a tiring comeback so he felt so relieved to finally rest for a bit. Kkami came beside him, hopping on his lap so Hyunjin could pet and play with him.

Sure, he missed his home and his family too, but he could talk to his mom and dad everyday, so he couldn’t help but miss Kkami a little bit more than he misses his parents “You missed hyung too, didn’t you?” he said ruffling his fur and scratching behind his ears. After they played for a bit, Kkami got bored so he hopped off Hyunjin’s lap, to do whatever in the house.

Hyunjin turned his attention back to the tv, pulling out his phone to scroll through social media, sending couple of bubble messages to Stay. It had been probably 10 or 15 minutes when he heard Kkami growling in the distance. He didn’t think much of it since he had the tendency when he was asking for attention.

“Kkamii!” Hyunjin called out but the growls turned into barks and little cries. He sighed, getting up from the couch to see where he was “What do you want?” he whined, deciding the sounds were coming from his room as he dragged his feet there. Once Hyunjin cracks the door open a little bit more, all the color from his face disappeared. He felt like all his blood was drained at the sight in front of him, making him feel dizzy. HE was sitting on the small chair he had in his room. The person sitting there was him, but not him at the same time.

Everything about him was the same except his hair, the boy in front of him had long hair, kind of reaching to his shoulders, blonde and styled. He was wearing a burgundy suit, which looked like it was made of velvet. The material shined in the dim light. Speaking of which, why was the room dim anyways? It can’t be any later than noon.

“Oh the lights? Yeah I did it, to fit for the concept” the boy looked rather innocent but his eyes said otherwise. He had this deep look in his eyes that captivated you, making you feel like you want to just curl up into a ball in a corner. Kkami was on his lap, sitting comfortably.

Hyunjin rubbed his eyes, thinking he must be imagining things, he must be still sleepy. “What the… fuck?” he said as he was still seeing the same boy, sitting on the chair with Kkami on his lap as he petted him slowly “Who are you?” The question was stupid really. It was clearly Hyunjin himself, but not him? “I am you dumbass, are you blind? Well, technically you. I’m more.. evil, so to say” he smirks, putting Kkami on the floor as he got up.

Something about him scared Hyunjin as he started walking backwards when the evil version of him started walking towards him. Hyunjin felt his knees touch his bed as he fell backwards. Since when he was walking that way? “You know, that cute, deer caught in headlights look on your face is really endearing” the blonde man said with a mocking voice “Don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you.. yet” The sickening smile on his face made Hyunjin gulp, crawling back on the bed to get away from him as much as he could.

“Awww, little bunny is trying to run away from me, how cute” his voice was so sweet, in contrast to his eyes that held every dark thing in them “What do you want from me?” Hyunjin said, trying to mask his trembling voice. In reality, he was at the verge of shitting his pants. “From you? Why would I want something from a useless person?” The evil man said, letting out a long and dark laugh “Didn’t you go on hiatus because you were a piece of shit when you were young? I just want to have fun, play with you a little bit, make you pay for what you’ve done… Then I’ll let you go”

Hyunjin felt his heart drop. Feeling like someone was squeezing it tightly as the words of the haters filled his head again, remembering that dark time of his life “That wasn’t true! It was just a pointless rumor!” he tried to defend himself, now getting up, more like trying to, with the adrenaline rush came all over his body. Yes, he tried to, but couldn’t because of the chains that tied him up to the bed completely.

“What the fuck? Where did these come from?” he tried to move his hands, chains making clinking noises, filling up the otherwise silent room. It was suffocating, the air feeling heavier, the chains digging on his wrists, ankles and his waist making him feel the slight pain “Now now, let’s not raise our voice hm? You need to keep your voice for screaming later. We wouldn’t want you to lose it already” he was walking around Hyunjin’s bed, all the while looking at him, keeping the eye contact.

Hyunjin didn’t know what to do, he was beyond scared, nearly trembling, still trying to understand what was happening. The chains all over his body tightened, making him hiss in pain as he closed his eyes “I didn’t even do anything to you. I don’t understand what is happening, is this real?” He asked, watching the man walk around his room with his hands behind his back

“I think the chains should give the answer to your question. Don’t you feel the pain or do I need to make them tighter?” The mocking sound in his voice made goosebumps arise on Hyunjin’s body, shivering as he diverted his eyes. He was making fun of him.

The chains tightened a little bit more, making him let out a small yelp “Why are you doing this?” He asked, can’t conceal his trembling and scared voice anymore. Evil Hyunjin shrugged, stopping halfway on his tracks as he turned to Hyunjin “It’s fun. I like seeing you in pain” It didn’t make sense to Hyunjin. The chains felt very much real but how could this be possible?

As the man started walking towards him, Hyunjin also started feeling like his insides were tightening, like someone was squeezing his every organ tighter and tighter the closer he got. Soon, the blonde was hovering above him, a sick smirk on his face as his intense gaze traveled all over Hyunjin’s face.

“Isn’t it so funny? How I am literally you, but evil” Hyunjin let out a small scream as he felt his insides tighten more, like he was about to explode, but little did he know, this wasn’t even the half of what he was about to experience.

“P-please stop!” he screwed his eyes shot, back arching from the pain he was feeling and trying to get out of the chains, it was no use. As the seconds passed, the pain increased and now, he was sure he was exploding from the inside. Now, he was letting out screams that he has never let out before in his life. The blood curling, deafening screams were sure to be heard from miles away, or so he thought. To him, he was sure that there was no way no one was hearing his screams, how they were like someone was murdering him, but in reality, it was all in his head.

In his head, he could hear himself screaming, those ear bleeding yells were almost like horror movie type but on the outside, he just looked like he was trying to scream. Back arched off the bed, head thrown back as his mouth hung open, the vein on his forehead looking like it would pop any second.

“Let me go! Please stop this!” Hyunjin yelled, making the evil man laugh “No but it’s so fun. Look at you, so helpless, at my mercy”

As his gaze intensified, Hyunjin felt everything twisting inside him. It felt like every organ was exploding one by one, creating a pool of blood inside him, like if someone were to cut him open right now, blood would flood out of him like a popped kids’ pool. It was torture, he wanted it to end, or to die right then and there, then maybe he wouldn’t feel it anymore.

On top of that, Hyunjin felt his evil self wrap his hand around his throat, cutting off his airway, pressing on his windpipe. His eyes flew opened, looking at the man with tears in his eyes that soon started running down his face. The sight he saw made him feel sick, he wanted to throw up because of the smile on the other’s face. He looked like he was enjoying this, he sure was and he made that clear before but Hyunjin still couldn’t wrap around his head how a person can be so sick and twisted, that person being himself, his alter ego.

“P-please.. Either kill me, or stop this please. I’ll do anything” he tried his best to deliver his words, being in pain and choked at the same time wasn’t an easy task. “Oh?” his words made the blonde man let go of his throat, as well as decreasing his torture “Anything?”

Now the smirk on his face formed into a completely different one, like his whole demeanor changed and he had other ideas in his head “Well, I can think of other things” his eyes traveled over Hyunjin’s body, his smirk widening when he saw something that satisfied him even more “You were the one begging for me to stop but I think someone also enjoyed that huh? Are you a masochist or a pain slut? Maybe both, hm?”

Hyunjin felt beyond humiliated. He wasn’t even aware of his body to realize he popped a boner. Maybe he really was sick and twisted, who in their right minds would enjoy that? Besides, the boy hovering over him right now was himself at the end of the day, it all made sense.

“N-no! You’re not real! I’m going to close my eyes and open, then you’ll be gone!” Hyunjin said in fear, tears still running down his face. Now he was on the denial stage.

He closed his eyes shot, praying to gods that it really was just a horrible nightmare, he fell asleep on the couch and that he was going to wake up from it any second.

“Sure. See you next time, Jinnie” he heard the man say, feeling his hot breath stroking his neck before opening his eyes. He was laying on the couch, tv still going off and he got up quickly, running to his room to see if someone was there. His room looked normal, bed still made, the chair still in its place, no chains, no evil person. He sighed, holding his forehead as he made his way to the kitchen to drink some cold water. So it really was a horrible dream, or so he thought.

#stray kids #stray kids smut #stray kids hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin smut #stray kids hyunjin smut #hyunjin smut #kpop #kpop smut

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barryjeanblues · 4 years

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taako meets death (again)

(also posted to my ao3)

taako has met two raven queens in his life before now.

well, close enough, at least. most - though not all - of the worlds the starblaster had traveled to had gods, and surprisingly enough, those gods were usually - though not always - strikingly similar to their homeworlds gods. (this was useful, because one of the crews number relied very heavily on a certain nature god for his magic. luckily, the nature or life god of each world always seemed to have a soft spot for little old merle, even if they werent merles traditional cloven-hoofed pan.)

twice, taako had met the death god - someone equivalent to faeruns raven queen.

this had led to taakos understandable trepidation upon kravitz finally putting his foot down and insisting taako meet his mother boss.

the first time taako had met a raven queen, she had been… overwhelming. the light of creation had fallen into a forest dedicated to her and her followers, and the head acolyte refused to give the wandering crew the light unless they first received permission from the queen.

the crew had agreed, with no other option, bracing themselves to firmly explain the direness of the situation. surely a goddess would be intelligent enough to understand.

that raven queen had burst into a forest cleaning in an explosion of black feathers, half illusion, half steel, so that when lup brushed the smoky feathers from her eyes they blurred and dissipated, but when magnus tried the same thing he yelped and brought his hand back bleeding.

that raven queens laughter had been eerie and echoing, almost but not quite mocking, almost but not quite infectious, almost but not quite joyous. the crew had stood firm and offered their argument, and the queen had given them tests and tokens and bargains and tricky promises with too many clauses and loopholes and at the end of it all the ipres numbers had been halved and the rest were weary and worn as they caught the light of creation and fled with only minutes to spare, the faelike laughter of death following them terribly even through the overwhelming cacophony of the hungers assault.

that laughter had trailed after them longer, if only in their heads. taako would be making stir fry, planning outfits, swapping merles shampoo for hair-loss potions, when hed have to sit down suddenly and breathe through the musical trills of the raven queens cruel pleasure. it had seemed to bounce in his head the way a rubber ball might, ricocheting off thoughts and feelings until it rolled under a couch to be forgotten about, till some slight movement sent it rolling and bouncing about once more.

davenport had died in an illusion, thinking he was saving his crew. poor merle had been choked by his own plants, betrayal writ across hos face. barrys skin had grown sickly purple with poison - ten to one odds arent very good odds. taako doesnt forget easily. he decides the goddess of death can go fuck herself.

the second raven queen taako had met much later in their journey, and taako had met her alone.

lup and barry had become liches a few cycles back. it was something taako had still been coming to terms with.

taako loves lup. this is an immutable fact of any and every universe. taako loves lup and lup loves taako and not death or memory or space can separate them, not for long. but seeing your sister die, and then… go beyond death, to twist herself and latch on to a chance that she may never return except in madness and spite - thats a hard thing to grasp, even when she succeeds. taako had still found himself shivering when his sister forgot she had a body again and grabbed a hot pan off the stove, crying out in pain. taako still woke sweating from nightmares in which his sister and his friend flew apart and reformed as cackling red robed horrors of insanity and cruelty, too far for him to reach.

until that cycle, though, barry and lups choice had only been an asset.

but some raven queens do not take kindly to anything they see as a perversion of their domain.

barely a week into that cycle, taako had awoken from the guilty non-elven pleasure of a nap only to find himself in some cold, hard court, fashioned seemingly of steel and silver and concrete, onyx lining the floor and the only color coming from sparse sapphires sparkled throughout the long echoing hall.

at the end of it - and taako had known his eyes must have played tricks on him, because at first the being at the end of the hall seemed, while large, not much larger than a giant, but when hed called a nervous greeting his voice had echoed so awfully he knew the hall stretched much farther than hed thought and the goddess at the end of it must have been unimaginably huge.

her eyes had glinted a flinty sapphire in her carven steel face when she ordered him to defend the existence of his sister and his sisters lover.

taako had tried. he truly, truly had. but while taako is a being of preservation and caution, full of intelligence and cleverness, he is not one of cold hard logic. perhaps lucretia could have convinced this raven queen, the only of their number who had ever been able to grasp true hard reason… but taako doubts it. he had doubted it then and he doubts it even more these days.

the point is, taako, for all his love for his family and his brilliant wit and devotion (probably, in fact, because of it) taakos arguments couldnt convince that raven queen. she saw past his genuine belief that lup and barry had made a good decision, and into his fears for her, and the goddess of death had based her own argument on those. she won. taako never had a chance.

he, lup, and barry had woken up in the next cycle, newly resurrected. taako never stops feeling guilty about it.

so. yes.

taako is more than a little nervous about meeting the goddess his boyfriend serves so devotedly. but, and youd be hard pressed to convince him to admit it, taako would do anything for kravitz. and despite it all he does actually want to see what the deal is with his sister and his best friends boss, and his patron gods… friend? lover? girlfriend? taako isnt quite sure what fate and death are to each other, but its definitely something.

kravitz lays a warm hand on taakos shoulder, but taako squares them up. he can do this, for fucks sake - hes died a shitton of times, he can meet death.

the doors open and taakos breath - the only breath in this realm of the dead - catches in his throat.

taako is a die hard istus fan, and shell always be his goddess. but if taako wasnt a taken elf, hed follow the raven queen, he realizes with a startle.

shes beautiful, yes. shes gorgeous, and taakos always been weak for beauty, but hers isnt the cold hard beauty of gemstones and gold, thinks his nimble fingers snatch up and hoard in his endless pockets. the raven queen is beautiful in a way that taako cant describe as anything other than simple.

he cant pin down any features. she has a kind face, gentle hands, bright eyes, but taako can tell she is a goddess because despite staying still the image of her flicks and shifts in his head. at once she seems to have every kind face hes ever seen, even if he doesnt recognize anyone. her hands reach out to comfort him - no more than comfort - but she stands without moving in front of taako and kravitz. her eyes glitter and sparkle and crinkle up with cheerful laughter, except taako isnt entirely sure she has eyes at all, or maybe she has too many.

he thinks… he thinks maybe she has wings, or maybe theyre arms, or maybe theyre black fabric, draped around and behind and below and above her, shifting with the last breaths of every mortal in the universe. its darkness but its not scary, taako realizes, its solacing, healing, the way that he feels when dusk passes to night and the sky is huge and warm and the brush of lups hand against his as she says goodbye for the night is a relief and a love.

hello, taako, death says. its lovely to meet you.

she means it, taako knows. he can tell, somehow. shes just happy to meet him. nothing more, nothing less.

'oh,' taako says aloud, and kravitz laughs his quiet sweet dorky laugh, and the raven queen laughs too, and its just that. its just a laugh, and its a nice one.

'oh indeed,' kravitz says. 'taako, did you really think id serve a monster or a cruel master?'

'well,' taako replies hesitantly, 'honestly, homie, i kind of thought you were, and id, like, have to start some quest to slay death itself and rescue you.'

the anthropomorphic personification of death laughs again, a note of delight in her tender voice. i like him, my kravitz, she says, good job.

kravitz does the dead-reaper equivalent of blushing. taako grins a little because its very cute.

'death is different here,' taako hums. 'its… it wasnt like this anywhere else i went. it was cold, or cruel, or empty. i dunno why its different in your world.'

'then i guess we're the lucky ones, huh?' kravitz asks. taako leans up against him and murmurs an agreement. 'its why i love my job so much, why it means so much to me. its not that im some hardass, i just…'

'yea, cha'boy gets it now,' assures taako. 'still.' he looks at the ever-shifting, ever-stable face of death again. 'you better treat my boy kravitz and my lady istus well, capiche? or we will have issues.'

its a deal, taako, the raven queen says, smiling.

when taako opens his eyes, hes in his home in the material plane, and kravitz is next to him, and theyre both smiling.

#this is unedited and also i wrote it at 4am #taako #kravitz #taakitz #the raven queen #taz balance #the adventure zone balance #fanfiction #death tw #trigger warning for death because it is a fic about the goddess of death #and also taako mentions some times that they died before story and song (so they dont count)#m text #fic #text #ask to tag #o shit yea and its lowkey lowkey inspired by gaimans death because i like the idea of a nice death

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delicrieux · 4 years

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Omg I loved the last one shot you wrote with the reader being in the resistance base and taking care of Kylo! I would love to see another part for it and see what will happen when the reader discovers the truth of who he is.

OMG ur one shot with kylo and him being injured i absolutely adore it and need a continuation !! ur writing is amazing too !!

thank u everyone for ur kind words and support 🥺🧡 u be asking i be giving . i mean .... prepare for some angst? yes? 8k words baby. also, same goes as always, if u want a continuation let me know ! xx

tags ( i wasnt able to tag some people!:( ): @taina-eny -- @shesakillerkween -- @leilei-draws -- @mitsuhkai -- @olivebolivee -- @fav-fan-fic -- @punxataniunderworld

requests are open! | masterlist | part 1.

Long tendrils of smoke rise slowly, spiraling into a clear, starry sky. Jet fuel ignited by a match; angry, red sparks glittering in the dark. It’s hot. Though it’s not the familiar, comforting heat of the wilderness, of the jungle you live in, nor is it the scratchy, dry heat of the deserts you grew up surrounded by. This heat is different, molding, tangible and felt deep within you. It spreads, achingly almost. Shortness of breath, of thought; the world is too quick, too fleeting for you to catch up and everything spins so wonderfully. Desire; the world is wax dripping from your fingers; red dots, red hues, bright orange flames. But that desire twists, rags your body and grows to...

Rage. It hits you in waves and you tremble. Violent shivers and horror; anger fueled by such uncontrollable passion that it goes beyond you, reaching for something, for anything to grasp onto. It destroys. It destroys everything around you. It’s a machine coming from within you; the small specter of purity now devoured by such hate directed at no one in particular that you come undone — nothing left, not even you. Just anger and power — a combination of the most terrible kind.

But this rage is not your own. It’s borrowed. Adapted to you. Fitted perfectly for your flesh, yet still a foreign entity latched onto your bones, no, this goes deeper, latched onto whatever makes you — you.

It is so easy to slip into it that it hardly registers. That raw energy within you twists and burns and you want to hurt someone because you are so hurt that you feel like you might die. One life to save yours; then, however many should follow, anything to keep that pain at bay. You don’t consider it much, you don’t have the capacity to. Blisters; it feels like you’re standing on the surface of a sun.

Where did this anger come from? Who deformed you so horribly? There’s a pull — a gentle tug that feels like a caress from a lover — that wants to turn you back; to purge the rage, the red, the dark, and bring you back into the light. But the pain stays, persistent, at home within you. It’s trying to tell you something. To make you understand. To make you feel what he feels.

And then—

You fall out of bed, breathless and terrified and soaked head to toe in cold sweat. You scramble away from your bed in blind panic, trembling and pressing your back against the icy wall of your bedroom. Your heart beats like a wild drum; your pulse is loud and violent in your ears. You raise your hands to touch your face, to grasp onto reality, to make sure that you are still you. A sigh of relief escapes you and all your energy with it. You slump, cast your head down in shame. You had never felt so... Strongly. You had felt anger, grief, passion— but never so visceral, never so raw. It terrifies you that you are even capable of feeling so, in a dream or not.

Whatever it was that had possessed you had left you feeling hollow. Numb. All your strength had been wasted in destruction of dream worlds that were, up till now, mostly pleasant. Whatever it was you don’t want it to return, ever. The pain was too much. The hate too real. And the potential of that power... Frightening beyond compare.

Your room is bathed in pleasant morning light - dawn is always beautiful and silent. You had slept for possibly only a few hours. You get up, your knees cracking from the weight of your body. Using the wall for support you decide to get ready. You will not sleep. You cannot. The carnal fear of the darkness behind your lashes is reminiscent of that of a child seeing scary shapes in the night.

You’re early to breakfast, though the cafeteria is already festering with life. You give a few waves to your colleagues, offer a few tired smiles when they chirp “Morning, Seven!”. With your tray full you stride to your table, noting that one seat is already occupied — July. He regards you with cold indifference, quietly drinking his coffee. If he is surprised to see you up so early, he does not show it.

Suddenly you hate the silence. The stiffness. The cafeteria echoes with snippets of chatter and laughs yet your table is a crypt — stale and uncomfortable. You can’t be alone with your thoughts. They still don’t feel like your own.

“Hello,” is your lame attempt at conversation. July grumbles something, chewing on his food, “decided get an early start today.” You explain yourself, not that you need to, but you feel better letting him believe this lie and yourself, too. “Taking pointers from you.” You add, taking a sip of water. It feels like a blade going down your throat. You hadn’t even noticed how parched you had been.

“Great,” July mumbles, “congratulations. You’re finally taking this seriously.”

“I’ve always taken this seriously.” You bite back, “War is no trifling matter.”

He snorts, “Could have fooled me.”

You don’t like his tone. Then again, it is your fault for engaging him in the first place. No one to blame but yourself.

In an attempt at casualness, you shrug, “You are still mad at me for not getting rid of our guest, aren’t you?” You don’t say his name. July would find it suspicious. You don’t dare share it. It was a secret passed on to you as a show of trust. You can’t break it, not even among friends.

A frown pulls on his face, cool, steel eyes locking yours, “You’re fraternizing with the enemy.”

“He is not the enemy.” You reply coolly, chest heaving with controlled frustration, “I conducted the interview. I did what we had all agreed on. I relayed the results and you were part of that discussion as well, if you had forgotten already. No threat was detected.”

“At the time.” He says hotly, setting his cup down harsher than intended. It echoes, a cracking, unpleasant sound, “There was no threat at the time.”

The wild flame in his eyes takes you aback. He had always been paranoid and it mostly never had any backing to it. But now he speaks with conviction; grits his words and laces them with honesty. He knows something. Something you don’t.

You sit up straight, swallowing down your concern before it reaches your face. “Elaborate.”

He looks away suddenly, irritated, scowling almost. Familiar tendrils of anger slither around your throat and your grit your teeth. You know better than this, better than arguing with him, better than stooping to his level of mindless shouting. It takes all of your willpower just to keep your mouth shut.

“Ah— Someone stepped out of bed on the wrong foot, as it seems.” Q’s pleasant voice chirps as they promptly plop down beside you, “Seven. July. Do hope the arguing will at least wait till lunch.”

“Fat chance!” Vendetta grins, sitting beside July and dropping her tray on the table with a silent click, “Look at them.” She snickers, “I know who’s fighting who at combat training today.”

“Perfect timing, you two.” You blur, your eyes drilling into July’s profile, not once wavering, “July just said something interesting about our guest.” The temperature, the warmth your two friends brought with them, seems to drop as their laughter abruptly cuts off, “In fact, he was almost insistent that our only patient in the Medical Wing is a threat. Know anything about it?” You finish quietly. You almost expect exasperated stares, surprised faces, hisses of “What?!” and “July, not this again...”. But nothing changes. Nothing comes. Just quiet admission. First blossoms of guilt.

You had always assumed that if your group of four would ever break into three it would be July as the odd man out. Not for any particular fault of his, but out of pure convenience. Vendetta is charismatic; Q is adaptable; you are compassionate. July is, despite his brilliance, almost deliberately difficult. The three of you fit like puzzle pieces, harmonious. You never withhold information from them, never needed to. The four of your share everything, no detail left behind.

Though it seems that your observation was paltry. They share looks and you realize that it’s no longer a quartet but rather a triad. You are left to sink or swim on your own.

“Seven, we...” Vendetta starts, thoughtful, gentle; her hand reaches for your own across the table but you pull it away and she stills, disappointed, “We...” She glances around, “We were going to tell you, but...We...”

“—Had no proof.” Q mutters bitterly, their face uncharacteristically blank, “Besides, of course, the mystery of his past, his sudden appearance, his... Unpleasant behavior.” They squeeze out the last part with a sour little smile.

“Seven, please, listen to me.” V tries to catch your attention, yet you stubbornly stare into your plate of food, “There is just...Something not right with him. It’s like this inching in my chest, I...I think I heard him...talking in his sleep again. Something about a base, but I-” At this you look up at her, and her face crumbles into a soft frown. “I would never lie to you, you must believe me. I just--“ She sighs, frustrated, “I just don’t know what, but something is wrong. I can feel it.”

“I told you not to trust him,” July states, “I said it since you—“ He points accusingly in your direction, “decided to drag him in.” He scoffs, “Should have left him to die.”

Something cracks within you. Something that sounds close to a ceramic cup shattering on linoleum. It spills over like hot liquid all over you, scalding. You pull your chair back suddenly. It’s a knee jerk reaction that halts the chatter and the laughter and the mindless bits of gossip as all eyes turn to you. You say nothing. Just stare. The unspoken “How dare you” fizzling at the tip of your tongue that now feels too big for your mouth. Your muscles cramp up; dull pain in your upper arms, your legs, your chest. You’re trembling again, eyes wide, dry, stinging.

“July.” Q hisses, “Even if we feel something amiss, he is still a person.”

You remember it clearly — the evening you met July. He wore a hard shell, scarred from life before finding the base, before finding a purpose. He was hard to approach and those who dared to glance at him withered away into the shadows. But you saw a glimmer of hope, of light; saw something in a man that has been wronged and has done wrong and now wants to devote his life to protect. He regarded you with the same cold stare, measuring you, challenging you to turn away like everyone else. But you invited him. You were the one that said that the Resistance is happy to have you. You were the one to offer him a seat by your table, Vendetta chirping and blushing and cooing once he joined. And even if he stayed silent through the conversation, you knew that he was glad to be here. Glad to find companionship. Glad to be among those who too want only one thing: to help.

Then came Q, a year later. A group that was equal amounts tough as it was tender was formed. A group of leaders. Nothing ever felt so right as to sit among them.

Now you feel like you’re drowning.

“You’ve changed.” You rasp, boring into July’s eyes. He does not back down, he never does.

“So have you.” He says evenly, “I have never seen you as irritated as I have this week. It’s affecting you. He’s affecting you.” If you did not know any better, you would say there’s a note of worry in his voice. But you always know better. It’s pity.

You decide that you hate him. You decide that you will never be able to look at him the same way, with the same distant respect, with solidarity. You hate him and you hate that he’s right. You have changed. Everyone has. You aren’t the scared, naive girl that ran away from home in hopes of finding something greater. Greater as in friendships; greater as in happiness. It was never about riches or fame or any other form of empty opulence. You wanted to help because you knew how it feels like to be helpless. And perhaps this week had been the most trying: you had been sleeping little, tossing and turning all night, staying up past dawn as to not draw any suspicion. Had been hitting harder than necessary in training. Had been less lively in conversation. You were one of the best because you needed to be in order to protect those who could not protect themselves. It was the source from which you drew your strength. But now that had shifted subtly in wanting to win. Wanting something for yourself. You always offer everything to the world, why can’t it give you something in return?

“That’s enough, July.” Q mutters calmly, their hand landing on your shoulder, a warm, comforting gesture that fills you to the brim with sadness. “You had said enough.”

You exhale a deep breath, closing your eyes for a moment to collect your thoughts. Honesty had always been your policy. Honesty is the currency of your group. You are fighters, but you are also diplomats. Vulnerability is the price of compassion.

“I feel responsible.” You finally say, “For him.” You clarify, “I brought him here. I enlisted you to help and share our resources. He is my responsibility. And if you feel that he is unfit to be here, or that he threatens our values in any way, I shall make sure to deal with him accordingly and I am prepared to face the consequences of my actions should it come to it.” You finish dryly.

“He’s not your responsibility, Seven.” Vendetta mutters, “He’s ours. We’re a team. A family.” Q squeezes your shoulder, silently agreeing with her words. Her lips slowly rise into a loving smile, “And we’re worried about you. You seem tired. Let me bring him food today.” She suggests gently, “I can keep him company. That or, I know Michel is dying for a chance to talk to him.”

“You don’t have to carry this weight alone.” Q says, “A little break can’t hurt, can it?” He glances at July, “Once our heads are cooled...We’ll discuss this in detail at dinner. No stone left unturned. If the decision is unanimous, we bring it to the Commander. All in favor?”

“Aye.” Vendetta chimes. You nod stiffly. All eyes fall on July.

“You already know what I think.” He mumbles, “But very well. We meet at twilight.”

The day is long. Hours pass in a slow daze and exhaustion nearly crushes by the time a little over two hours is left till dinner. Dread grows and fester; it’s hard to breathe, and the humid air is constricting. You can’t help but feel how different things had been barely a week ago, and how rapidly and uncontrollably they have changed. It should be just another day in stolen paradise; just another day in the line of days before you are, as the rest, called into the main base. Finally ready. You had felt ready. Now you feel uncertain to the brink of madness. How easily your friends had turned... How easily you had been turned. But despite their concerns you fail to see any hidden evil in the man now know to you as Ben.

But perhaps that’s the point. Evil rejoices in the presence of naivety.

You feel him before you actually see him. It’s a sort of warning bell; a presence carried by the wind. You turn your head slightly, wiping away beads of sweat from your forehead with the back of your hand. You’re on the porch, in the same spot you had found Ben brooding last night. His footsteps are quick and heavy and his hand latches onto your upper arm, yanking you to face him.

“Where were you?” His question is demanding and a twinge of anger burns in his hazel eyes. All thoughts rush out your head with that; you stare dumbfounded, your lips parting to speak but the words sizzle and die on the tip of your tongue. His face contorts, the prominent anger shifting to confusion, “Have they been keeping you away from me?”

An astute observation. Eerily correct.

“What? No!” You say quickly, shrugging out of his hold and crossing your arms over your chest in pretend casualness, “Just been busy today! Lot’s of shipments, new training regime, yada yada...” He traces your face carefully for a lie, but whether he catches it or not you can’t tell. “How... How are you feeling?”

“Fine.” He states coldly, irritation dripping in his tone. His brows knit into a frown and he looks away, peers into the wilderness. Pensive. Something lays heavy on his mind and all your intuition born last night evaporates. Nothing. No whispers. Not even a slither of familiarity. The connection you felt had been cut like a thread with scissors.

Is he actively pretending yesterday did not happen? The thought sounds plausible: he’s volatile and prideful, after all. “What are you doing up and about?” You inquire, matching his cool tone.

He exhales through his nose sharply, “Can you take me to the place you found me?”

You blink. He looks at you, expectant. “I...Sure.” You relent under his stare, “Yea, I... Follow me.”

Silence from his part. His lips are shut tightly as he follows after you into the maze of tall trees. Birdsong; buzz of insects; dangerous hums and hisses from creatures hidden in the bushes. The sun is merely a kaleidoscope of shapes seeping through the branches and leaves. The heat intensifies. You feel a prickling in your spine -- he’s watching you intently. His guard is up and so is yours. After everything you had heard today confusion is the only palpable emotion you can name. Can he see it, you wonder. Can he tell that the tension in your shoulders is because of him. You trust him, at the very least, you thought you did. But now he’s luring you into seclusion.

Or are you luring him? You could have said no. Or you could have agreed and went to fetch your blaster just in case. But you didn’t. Obeyed blindly without question. He is not the authority here, you are.

“That woman brought me breakfast today.” He says coldly. You tilt your head to him, inclining him to continue. That woman. Vendetta.He doesn’t continue. It’s almost like he’s complaining.

“Yes, I asked her to.” You say softly, “I told you already I was busy.”

“You didn’t look busy.” He counters hotly.

“Ben.” You say sternly, stopping, turning to him fully to catch his gaze. He’s so much taller than you that it’s difficult to not be intimidated, “My world does not revolve around you.” He gulps at your words, glaring, “And her name is Vendetta. The least you could do is remember that.”

You continue the trek forward. He’s silent, moody. You focus on not tripping on roots and stray branches; focus on keeping your balance once passing through small slivers of ground between sudden drops to the caves bellow.

Finally, a clearing. Water flows and twists like a serpent, glimmering in sunlight, splashing joyously. The river is long and wide and there is no bridge connecting the two sides, just piles of slippery stones. It’s a challenge getting past it, yet you did so almost every other day. The beauty of untamed nature cannot be compared to anything, and getting lost in it is liberating.

You hop on the first rock, then the second. The water is loud; the current is strong and it splashes your feet.

“Are you angry with me?” He asks silently. You jump and feel the knot in your throat tighten. You wobble and your arms stretch wide to keep balance and you promptly still.

“No, Ben, I’m not angry.” You admit, a bit breathless, but don’t elaborate any further. You are not sure if you’re telling the truth or not. You don’t want to think about it.

“Did you really find me so far out?” He continues questioning.

“Yes.” You mumble, “Why? Do you think I’m lying to you?”

“I never said that.”

“But you thought about it.”

“Oh, so you can read my mind now?”

“It’s not that difficult to tell what you’re thinking, you know.” You state sharply.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You still. A flare of anger rises from your chest to your throat and it take everything you have to control the frustrated sigh from escaping. Your hands ball into fists. Sweat drips from your forehead. With a dry mouth you turn to him, careful of your footing, finding him closer than you expected and just as irritated as you. His brows are kit into a frown, lips turned downward, chest heaving. A soft breeze kisses your heating cheeks, your shoulders, ruffles his dark hair.

“Exactly what you think it means,” You snap, “you’re always angry, always displeased, ordering everyone around, assaulting” You stress the word, “ or berating if something doesn’t go your way. Being secretive and malicious and just when I think I’m starting to understand you, you demand and demand and I literally can’t say anything or else you’ll be upset and then who knows what you’ll do.” You rant, “And all I wanted, all we wanted, was to help you. But you-” You jab your finger into his chest; an action eerily similar to what July did to you this morning, “-you treat us like we’re your servants. Can’t even bother to remember the name of the doctor that had been taking care of you all week. We could’ve left you to die.”

He grabs your wrist, squeezing tightly, pulling it away from his chest, “I never asked for your help.” He growls.

“But you got it anyway,” You retort, voice dripping with venom, “though I suppose you’re too arrogant to even say thank you. You spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate prick-”

“You don’t know me.” He seethes.

“I know everything I need to know about you.”

He falters for a second, something akin to disappointment flashing in his eyes but it’s gone before you can name it, “You do?” He sounds smug, in a cold, displeased way, “Ah, you do.” His grip loosens and you yank your wrist from his hold, fire raging in your chest. What a condescending look.

You’re so heated that you feel like you might cry. Now you see what July, what Q, what Vendetta see when they look at him - a malevolent, resentful asshole. How could he have fooled you? Was it the pretty eyes and the confused puppy-like stare? His sharp handsome features? Low voice, pleasant when whispered? All a font. You feel ill. Tarnished in some subtle but irreversible way. You don’t want to take him anywhere, you just want him to leave. A part of you wants to run away and leave him stranded, or push him into the water and watch satisfied as the current carried him away.

You genuinely believed you had formed some sort of a connection, as silly as that sounds. You hadn’t known him for long, but what you felt was real and it was special. But this is not the same man that did not let go of your hand, that did not want to left alone in the rain.

You shake your head, “You make me sick.”

He has no reply to that. He looks away, almost ashamed, and you turn back to the stones you stand on, the slippery rock unstable under your feet. The sky lights up with first shades of pink. Twilight is approaching.

The sooner you take him there and back the sooner you can request him to be escorted out of the premises, taken where he needs to go. And then this will all be over. He will be nothing but an unpleasant memory. The thought does not make you feel any better, rather it makes you feel hollow, like a balloon, acutely aware of the emptiness within you.

You continue forward in ill-tempered steps. You just want this to be over. His presence clings to you like second skin. Electricity at your fingertips, coursing through your veins, settling in your bones. You cannot shake it, cannot shake the hurt and the discomfort and-

You slip. For a heartbeat there’s only looming dread but before you can touch the water strong arms envelope you and keep you in place. You feel him breathing behind you, his chest rising and hitting your back. He sets you down back on the rocks, letting go only after you’re out of harms way. His arms drop and the heat with them. Wordless, you continue forward, not sparing him the satisfaction of a thank you.

You suppose wishing for an uneventful journey is unrealistic; trekking through the dense, suffocating undergrowth, fighting through the heavy, still air, all the while a million wild souls observe and track you and wonder are you here to hunt or be hunted. The colors, deep evergreen and rich brown, mute once the sun is is orange and halfway down. Not far now, not far at all. That idea was the only thing keeping you from crumbling into the dirt. But today is not your day, nor his. Everything always happens for a reason, even if that reason is simply bad luck.

You had been lost in your head, and he lost in the maze of looming trees. He’s unfamiliar with the territory - you were his guiding star, ushering him to where he needs to go. But you were too absorbed; too preoccupied with your blossoming hurt, with the near obsessive need to feel it whole so you could never forgive him and not feel an ounce of it once he goes back to his damned life outside your base. But the jungle is an obstacle course that demands attention and worship. Each step careful, each parting of leaves intentional and gentle. It either allows you to advance, or it does not.

You have no one to blame but yourself. No one to curse at for the forming bruises and muddy skin. No one to yell at for the stabbing pain at your rib cage, and no one to shun because of one fatal mistake. A misstep. A confusion of left and right. The fall was instant and painful and long.

Birds gawk and spill into the violet sky like ink. You lay in the dirt, your body aching with each intake of breath. Water roars; small droplets from the waterfall sprinkle on you and you wonder just how far down had you fallen. The clearing is unfamiliar to you, but right now everything is. Ben groans beside you; you see him sit up slowly out of the corner of your eye. He pushes his hair out of his face and exhales. You can’t move. You forgot how to.

You feel cold. Something hot and sticky runs down the side of your temple, pulsing down your jaw.

“...Seven?” His voice is rough and rushed and he instantly falls by your side, his hands cradling your face, “Hey. Seven, can you hear me...?”

You remember the leaf covered ground giving out; remember falling into darkness and hitting your back harshly on the steep decline and skidding through sharp rocks and branches; remember suddenly being plunged into icy water and spat out into the air before tumbling to the ground and smacking your head into something hard and blurry.

His fingers gently wipe away the dirt from your face, “Hey, you with me...?” He calls gently, his voice silent, seeping with worry. Through your haze and confusion your find his eyes - such a pretty hazel, now darker in the shade - and manage to squeeze out a painful, crooked smile.

“...Hi.” You whisper, almost voiceless. He cracks a smile, but his lower lip quivers.

“Hi.” He mutters, “Are you okay? Can you sit?”

You try to move but it proves to be too difficult. Noticing your struggle and sluggish movements, he gently eases you into a sitting position, his hold strong but not forceful, not even an echo to what it had been on the rocks. Your head spins, too heavy, buzzing. You gingerly lay it on his shoulder. Water laps by your feet. You are dripping from head to toe. The breeze makes you shiver, and he carefully wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you closer, his fingers pushing strands of wet hair from your face.

“Do you know where we are...?”

“The jungle.”

You somehow sense he doesn’t appreciate your sarcasm.

“You’re hurt.” He laments. Weakly, you clasp onto his arm and slowly pull away from his shoulder. You’re so close your noses brush. You can feel his breath ghosting over your lips. You see worry in his eyes. You feel a twinge of life light up in your chest.

“I’m okay.” You mutter, even if it is obvious that you are not.

“I’m sorry...” He utters, his eyes, half-lit and tender, pouring into your soul. His fingers brush your cheek, trembling lightly, lastly settling on the side of your jaw, “I’m sorry,” He repeats in a breath, “This is all my fault.”

Your heart spurs to life; the same pleasant buzz of energy flows back into you in forms of butterflies. The aching relents, the sharp pain in your side easing as if soothed by a cold touch. Your hazy vision sharpens and for a moment you can see everything in its minute detail, before all goes back to normal. The pulsing in your head stops, blood drying by your temple. You blink a few times, your brows knitting into a frown, lips parting to intake a slow breath. Your hand reaches to graze his cheek.

It’s back. What ever this fragile, beautiful thing is, it has returned to you.

“Who...are you?”

Vendetta had been right, there is something different about him, but perhaps not in the way she had intended.

“I’m Ben.” He says softly, “Just Ben.”

“No...” You observe him, “You are not.”

You feel a pull in your chest, as if you were a moon beckoned by his gravity, “How do you do it?” You ask, not quite certain what you’re referring to. A thousand questions swim in your mind and you shut your eyes, trying to focus on just one. But he still pulls you in, somehow, and gently you rest your forehead on his, each simple touch sparking a feeling of this is right and this is how it should be. Like a current of a river taking you where you need to be.

“I’m not doing anything.” He admits softly against your lips with an ache in the back of his throat.

Your eyes pry open, “Liar.” is all you say with quiet disappointment.

You untangle yourself from him and rise onto your feet, swaying a bit and he hurriedly jumps to aid you but you hold out your hand to stop him. His arms fall by his sides. The roar of the water momentarily absorbs you completely. It’s dark glimmer makes your stomach drop. You look up. The sky is already budding with stars, the last light dying by the horizon.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to return to the base now.” You mutter, a shiver crawling down your spine. Your wet clothes cling to your skin, leaving no bend and curve obscured to his watchful eye. But it doesn’t bother you, at least not as much as it should, “Before we lose light completely.”

He nods solemnly. “Why did you want to see where I found you?” You ask, knowing he will not deny you an answer. It’s that feeling, that connection, open communication that leaves him vulnerable to your prodding.

He glances away from your prying stare, his jaw locked tight. Your chest swells as you regard him — a picture of divine loneliness. You almost fall pray to it, to those whispers, to those instincts that urge you to rush to his side and comfort him. He sighs heavily, his shoulders falling. “I wanted to see if you would go with me.”

“What?” You sputter, eyes wide in disbelief, “Why?”

“Because I want you to join me.” He seems to find his voice, the first uncertain notes glossing over with purpose, “To leave with me.” The corner of his lips quirk into a half-smile, “Have you ever seen the snow?”

“No...” You admit, taking a step back, “No, I haven’t. The Rebels need me. I don’t want to leave.” You finish quietly, crossing your arms over your chest. It’s more of a comforting motion rather than a defensive one.

“But you agreed to go with me today.” He says.

“Because you asked.” You counter.

“Then I’m asking again.” He extends his hand in an offering, “Come with me.”

You stare at it, your instincts urging you to take it. But you don’t know what entails going with him; you don’t know about his life and what sort of deal you would be signing by lacing your fingers with his. A part of you wants to agree — the part which you desperately try to explain, but cannot — and the other reminds you of duty. Of your mission. It reminds you of everything you will be unable to do if you take it.

He watches you, half worried and half irked as you stare at his hand with distant eyes. He can’t read your mind, can’t hear snippets of your brooding thoughts, but he knows you’re considering his offer, and he knows that this is all a charade which will end in his victory. He knows you will accept — it is now impossible for you two to be apart, the consequences of that severe enough to burn out a star.

But you’re guarded. Your mind sits behind a wall that can’t tear down — he’s not close enough, and you won’t let him. It is most likely an unconscious effort, a shield of some sort that your untamed energy had built in order to protect you from the likes of him. He likes that. He always enjoyed a challenge: everyone always danced around him and to find someone actually worthy of his attention is a rare sight on its own. That being said, he could invade your mind, could hurt you, could force you to spill all of your secrets in one breath. But he won’t. He wants you to come to him by your own volition. He wants you to allow him into your mind because you want him to see and feel and hear everything that’s hidden behind those pretty eyes and tender smile. Therefore he will not be forceful or rough; instead he will open your eyes - sway you, offer you something for your kindness, because he cannot fathom the fact that some things in life have no price. But he knows that you will join him - sooner or later matters little in the grand scheme of things.

Though, it is his fault he is so terribly impatient.

It’s frustrating to think that the Force would connect him to you out of everyone in the universe. That must be why he’s feeling this tightness in his chest, this, if he wasn’t so prideful to admit it, fear festering inside him — you’re a member of the Resistance that is not only Force sensitive, but also now linked to him. If the Rebels should become aware of this sensitive information, there is no telling what they would do. In the First Order you would be hailed like royalty; showered with praise and opulence and given authority to do as you please, given the life so many in your base believe he has. But the Resistance would not be as kind, if they would be kind at all - they would use you, abuse you, transform you into a weapon or a helpless little lure. Because they would know he would come looking for you. He is now destined to always look for you; destined to follow you across the galaxy and back if it meant you standing by his side in the final battle. They would change you into something unrecognizable. The safest side is his, and his shadow is the only place you’d find solace. He could train you. Protect you. Allow you to harvest the power that is capable of so many beautiful, terrible things.

He knew you were Force sensitive when he first laid eyes on you — the silence was confusing and heavenly and at the same time oddly irritating. Everyone else was an open book full with loud, useless mussing, overloaded with trifling information of which the only value he found was the exact coordinates of your base. He could return any time he wished and destroy everything in a slow, arduous way that would break you down and rebuild you, make you see that he is doing you a favor if you were so stubborn that it would come to that: you had saved his life, and now he is trying to save yours. And despite your proclamation that you can tell what he’s thinking, he finds great difficulty understanding you. Kindness is alien to him. Kindness had been ripped out of him by betrayal and replaced by hate. It is the only real emotion, and the only source of his strength. If only he could tear you away from those people you call friends, then you could finally understand.

But knowing you had the Force dormant within you wasn’t enough, he needed to test you, needed to know just how far your powers went.

He didn’t expect it. To be connected. It wasn’t until you touched hands did he feel your happiness as his own.

Though it’s unstable, your connection. Wild emotions sometimes ebb and flow and pass one person to the other. And he, too, in moments of surprised vulnerability forgot to keep himself tempered and in control. His anger, hatred, all things wretched and deformed have slipped into your dreams and your day to day life. A part of him, now permanently a part of you. It felt like he finally found something he had been unknowingly searching for — a missing piece of him that has returned to make him whole. Without you, he would feel like carved bark, a half-finished project incapable of reaching its full potential. To let you go is not an option anymore.

Stronger together, he reminds himself in a scolding tone. He is not supposed to care about you, rather of what’s in you — raw, untamed power, a well of untapped potential. You are his half, and he is yours. You are connected by the Force, and there is nothing else to it. Cannot be anything else.

The human shell is hardly his point of interest.

“No,” You say, taking a small step back from him, from his offer, from the temptation, and casting your gaze down into the gleaming water, “no, I can’t go with you. I have to stay here.”

You don’t dare to look at him and see just what expression he is wearing, though you guess he’s not too happy by your rejection. You cheeks heat uncomfortably - his gesture was noble yet crafted so carefully that you suspect an ulterior motive behind it. You can’t throw your life away, not before you understand what’s actually going on between you. You clear your throat awkwardly, sparing a blank look at the swaying trees and trying to think of the best route to return home, “Come on.” You utter, “We shouldn’t be standing around here. Not safe.” You add silently.

Though you can’t help yourself. You spare a glance at him and freeze up -- it looks like you slapped him, his eyes wide with hurt and pale face blotching red. He slowly retracts his hand, his motion stiff and mechanic as if he does not know what to do with it if he’s not holding yours. It feels cold again, and you are fairly certain it has nothing to do with the lukewarm water dripping from your clothes.

Snow. You see it in quick flashes -- a white, hazy storm -- that fulls you to the brim with dread. What was it that Vendetta had said? A base somewhere existing in his memories, a place he will return to, a place where he wants to take you. A palace hidden in the snow.

July, in all his brutality, was right: you had been fraternizing with the enemy. Ilum, the planet of frost and snow and home to the Starkiller Base of the First Order. And someone from that same Order had offered you to come with.

It’s a different kind of pain -- you’d prefer the headaches after a day of mental gymnastics, the dull pain of muscles after training, the sharp stabs of a sprained ankle, the pulses and red flashes of an open wound. Anything would be better than this winter in your soul. You feel tired, in an incurable, empty way. As if you lost a half of something integral that you will never have again. Love can bloom only so much before it withers.

You turn away from him and approach the trees, not entirely certain if he’s following you or not. You feel like you’re a cloud in the sky, heavy with rain and thunder but unable to release it. The capacity for that had been robbed from you. He, you realize, is the first person in the line of people that you won’t be able to save. He’s going where you can’t follow. He’s another chess piece on the board that is this war - and one day you will face him among blood and slaughter.

It is hard to believe that mere minutes ago he had been cotton on your fingers, almost destroyed by longing he can’t explain.

Ben...To you the name is now forever cursed.

It is night when you return to your room, leaving a trail of muddy footprints behind you on the alabaster floor. You collapse onto your bed, your head heavy thoughts, each more confusing and cumbersome than the last. Your agreed meeting at twilight was completely forgotten after the tumble. Somewhere half-way through the jungle you recalled that your friends might be missing you.

The door to your room slides open and you look up - Q. They watch you for a silent moment, assessing the damage: messy hair, dirtied linen clothes, blood dried on your cheek, tired, deep eyes that face the world without truly seeing anything. They clear their throat, giving you a smile, “When we noticed your absence and the absence of our esteemed guest,” They start, their voice even, diplomatic, perfectly neutral, “it is suffice to say we were frightened that you had been lured to a trap. Fallen to an early grave.” They approach you easily, taking a seat beside you and landing a hand on your knee, “Though, fall you certainly did from what I can tell.” They finish with a note of amusement.

It takes you a moment to find your voice, “He wanted to see the place where I found him and we got lost.” You explain, sparing the details. They accept your answer, even if it’s full of holes. “Did the meeting commence?”

“After we unanimously decided that you aren’t stupid enough to get yourself killed.” They huffed, “V was especially eager to send out a search party. I must admit that I was, too, swayed by the idea. July, however, as always, shot us down. Had more faith in you than us. For that, I apologize.” They pause, pensive, “But you care little for that, I suppose. You want to know what we decided.”

“Yes.”

“Your vote still counts, Seven. And if you want, we can call a-”

“No.” You cut them off sadly, “No, I agree with your decision, whatever that decision might be.”

“Then first thing tomorrow morning he will be taken to the nearest station,” They say softly, “and released from our care.”

You think you could feel sorrow if you were not so exhausted - right now the only thing you want is to shut your eyes and forget the world exists entirely. You nod stiffly, replaying the dream you had this morning. Flames like hands grasping for the sky, chaos and wind and blood -- but the smoke dies down eventually, and now you stand in the aftermath. There is nothing left, just ash.

They tap your knee once for good measure and stand up, sparing you a rueful glance.

“I may not know exactly what your, ah...situation is, per se,” Q utters, “but know that if you ever wish to share it, you can come to me. Or any of us. Even July. He may be tough, but he still cares about you. In the only way he knows how.” They stand there for a beat, waiting for you to say something, anything really, but you don’t. “Goodnight, Seven.”

Q leaves and the door shuts and you wonder if today had been real or a factitious, terrible nightmare. Perhaps you never woke up, perhaps you are still sleeping restlessly, trapped, unable to open your eyes and look at the sun with a smile while saying, “It was just a dream.”. The pain had passed leaving nothing behind. The night is dark and endless and the bleak light of your bedroom illuminates your surroundings without an ounce of warmth. Still silence, suffocating air. This blanket of loneliness lays heavy on your shoulders before it all piles and piles and--

You, laying in bed, shivering, tears crawling down your cheeks and lips red from biting, and Ben, in the Medical Wing, heaving, watching the broken glass bottles glimmering on the floor, supplies smashed, sheets thrown about haphazardly in sudden rage, feel the same scorch of heartbreak.

hope you liked it!

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zoppzoop · 3 years

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3 and 27:))

Hello ma'am! Ily and imy!!!! I hope you're doing good!!

03: Do you regret anything?

Seriously speaking, not getting studying done sooner because of procrastination. And also not having talked to my parents about architecture sooner. I literally started thinking about it seriously day before yesterday after talking to mom and dad. But ehh i just gotta study hared now.

And non-seriously, not taking the chance and going to the stationery with dad to buy stuff lmao

I went with mom and got just one fineliner pen.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Tbh yes and twice. Or maybe thrice? Four times??? idk if one of them was a hearbreak or actually just a prank.

Anyways buckle the fuck up we're in for a story time and this is gonna be a stupid ride

Okay, first the 'prank' (now that i think about it it was definitely not a prank). i was in the 7th grade and this one dude from my class came up to me while i was boarding the bus to go home and handed me a piece of paper. And im here confused as to what the f u c k? The dude was kinda like in the competition for the top rank in class (we were very competetive, there were like 5 of us) so i was just confused. I got in the bus and opened the paper. And it had a bunch of stuffs that i dint bother reading because the first thing my eyes landed on was 'will you be the annabeth to my percy?' And (yes i was a huge pjo fan that the time) i got out of the bus and literally yote the paper in the trash (cruel, yes i know. But listen. The dude used to tease me by literally shipping me with another classmate (thats also another story) and GOD that was so fucking ａｎｎｏｙｉｎｇso yes i was angry. And i legit didnt like any of the people in my class. All of them were just,,,, nah. Sobyea next day he asked me 'so?' And i said ',,,so what??' And he's like 'whats your reply?' And i straight up said 'uh i threw the paper' and he just turned around and left.

And then we became enemies-ish and literally fought hand-to-hand once (i was kicking so hand to foot i guess?) But ye that happened. And then a bunch of more stuff happened and by the time my dad was gonna get a promotional transfer to another place half the class became like one big group of friends and we became pretty good friends in the end.

Now lets talk about the dude who i got shipped with. I got teased for a whole year and like we were all pretty good friends right? So i didnt mind it in the beginning but then it got too overwhelming in the middle and it literally made me hate every single one of them. But then it got subdued and we decided we'll maybe date? And we didnt exactly say that out loud but he used to walk me to my bus (okay so the bus system at my old schoom was like a few buses were inside the campus and a few were outside. His was inside and mine out, so he used to walk me there. And then one day he said lets hold hands (and we did it was cute and we held hands and walked to my bus for like 2-3 days but then had to stop bc people started teasing us, we didnt end it on bitter terms btw. He used to have like taekwondo practice int he last period and we usually had english then so while going to the buses i used to give him my notes for the day.)

And like a few days later we realised that sure this is nice but he was gonna move schools soon and i legit wasnt that interested in relationships at the time so we 'ended' whatever that was. And on his last day when he dropped me off to my bus he asked me if i had a phone so we could keep in touch and i didnt have it so i said no and he was like 'hmm okay, bye take care' and left. And then his best friend stayed behind and jokingly said 'ah you broke his heart'

Yea okay two down two to go.

Third dude was in my bus and in my class and the friend group which was made up of half the class and wow i feel bad about everything w/ everyone now lmao

Anyways this was in 8th grade. So we were pretty good friends because we were in the same bus and class for the past 3 years now and considering my dad's profession thats a long time in the same place (its usually just one year) and ye so we were pretty close. Everyone in the bus used to olay team up games like charades and stuff

(ah shit i remember a fifth one in the colony damn i hate this)

Anyways number three, so we used to talk a lot. I'd gotten instagram by this time for art stuff so we talked there a lot. Like we sent each other memes and he got my weird and cursed meme shit and also got into anime and bts a bit to understand what the fuck i was saying. And he used to get teased because middle schoolers and junior highschoolers are stupid kids in those terms so ye there was a lot of teasibg which i tried to instantly shoot down because i didnt want a 7th grade repeat when there were chances of dad getting transfered soon coz i want good memories of the place y'know? So ye that happened. And i found out last year (in 11th grade and after dad got the transfer (i started 10th grade after the transfer) and apparently he got teased because he did actually like me and me shooting all that stuff down was literally just a rejection itself so that happened.

And number 4 was a similar thing but way more stressy because last year some random dude hit me up on Instagram and im here confused as to what the fuck? Ｗｈｏｍｓｔ？ and he says he's a friend of the first dude, second dude and the fourth dude (all of them are in the same coaching institute and 1,2 and 4 were also in my class in the past right. They were 3 of the 5 who were in the competition for top rank) and he legit says he wants to talk to the girl that two of his friends fought over and i'm like sir WHAT the Actual ＦＵＣＫ. because in the begining they were good friends in class right? And they had some unknown falling out and im like bitch literally WHAT the FUCK. So he brings up proof and shut because i didnt believe him and fuck off he also broght in another classmate who knew and im here losing my mind because the actual fuck you motherfuckers. Anyways apparently since i didnt like 4 back, he had his heart broken so eh. It was literally a 4 year old thing which those idiots were fighting over even now like dude the hell???

So ye that happened and a whole gc was made and shit was solved and cleared out blah blah freindship rebuilt yadda yadda bullcrap i got so tired by now that i literally am still kinda ignoring everyone rn. (half the reason why i deleted ig was because its distracting and half bc i wanna ignore them all lmao)

Anyways number 5 was in my colony and also in my bus when he used to go to the same school (he shifted to a boarding school later bc some stuff happened w his dad which is a whole another wild thing) and ooh he was also my neighbor! We used to go and play badminton in the clubhouse (literally all the kids of our age group and older used to go there. And after badminton when it was like 7:30 or 8 we used to just sit around in a circle and play truth or dare or red hands or kabbadi or literally anything we could think of. Fun times ngl.) So ye he was on a trip home on a long weekend i think and we ended up cycling around the colony, just us two hanging out. And we were talking and this one girl who he told me was his crush when he was still in school came up and he then told me that that was actually a codename thing he and his friend created and that was their codename for me and he also said he was over it now and i was just there completely shook because i honestly thought he hated me in the middle somewhere lmao. And he said he was just annoyed because another mutual friend of ours in the colony told him that i had a crush on this other guy like one house away from mine (my best friends house was in the middle lmao) (anyways that mutual frined the traitorous mf i truStEd her (actually i'd already confessed to the dude and got turned down i legit wasnt even that invested so it wasnt a big deal. I just wanted to kinda get done with this crush thing once and for all. He turned me down politely. He's a sweet guy he used to be there i the club after i was done with my coaching stuff around 7:30 and then us two played till like 9. It was nice) so ye he told me about his crush on me which lasted a few months??? and that he was over it and i also told him that i'd gotten the rejection from my crush a loooong time ago and he's like huh cool. and ye we kept cycling and talking ab more random stuff till it was time to head home .

ｗｈｅｗ ANYWAYS THERE WAS A LOT TO UNPACK HERE. Anyways- sjdvskdb thanks for the ask this was a wild ride down memory lane. I didnt even remember half the shit till it came down to it.

#also this just reminds me how i used to be at around the top in my class and the coaching at the old place #but here im just #ehhhhhh below average #i kinda idk.... stopped trying???#i legit dont know what hapoened to me i ised to be such a good student dude #i miss those smart big brain days.#i even had a ongoing fic with like above 100k readers on wattpad back then #i peaked in 8-9th grade ngl #lish.answers

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comments-on-kai · 5 years

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[ Youtube ] Jongin’s viral Tempo fancam hits 1 Million views on YouTube as impressed Muggles/Nonfans continue to share opinions on EXO & Kai’s skills and discuss his merits as a performer

- this is seriously daebak...of course he dances very well but it feels like he truly understood this dance not just by his movements but it's like he's expressing his understanding of the choreo with his whole body, and they say you can't beat someone who enjoys what he does and he sincerely looks very happy and joyful.I had no idea how the 4 minutes (of watching the video) passed by I think I didn't take my eyes off it and watched it till the very end

- first off Kai has a really great physique...usually with people who are tall you can't help but get the feeling they're flailing around because they have to give more strength to compensate for the length but Kai knows very well how to use his body and he's very good at controlling his strength and he doesn't miss out on any parts especially the tips of his fingers and toes. His facial actings are of course great but the best things is how it's visible how happy he is on stage and how much he loves dancing

- It's the first time I got goosebumps while watching a Male Idol's fancamㅋㅋ Seriously it's like he danced with his body and music becoming as one. I immediately felt why even from before people were always going on about EXO the moment I watched this video...his pride on his dance is really incredible

- I watched this fancam a week ago and was hugely knocked over by it that I was cooerced into becoming an EXOL,, recently for the first time since I was born I'm doing what they call "streaming". You're the first man to ever make me stream..GodKAI -->{Reply) Hello, I see you again here. So what is this "streaming"? I'm thinking of personally going to buy the album tomorrow. Recently I've been feeling like I'm reborn again.

- Previously all idol dancers don't really care about facial expressions and appeared on broadcasts showing off their footworks and poppings while dancing...but after Kai, if you look at recent idol dancers the trend has now changed and they are mindful of expressions and doing the dance like an art piece

- EXO members are good at dancing overall so it is not easy to stand out (among such members) but when watching the whole group fancam my gaze always goes towards Kai. Isn't it incredible how he could attract so much attention just by dancing? Truthfully I'm somehow who don't really hold any special opinion on dancing and I don't really feel anything when I see people who are good at dancing but when it comes to Kai's stage I watched with my mouth agapeㅋㅋ I don't have anything to say except to express my awe at his power of control over the stage and his expressions ...

- I hope Kai can come out as a Solo. The incredible thing about Kai is he has a hot physique being taller than 180cm but he's also really good at dancing. There are many idols who dances well but they are filtered out here. With outstanding physical qualities yet so good at dancing that's a huge talent. Also he already has the talent but he's also very good at expressing it.Usually Idols shows off their talent by winking or making fatalistic expressions at the camera and those are usually done towards the camera or the usual audience or fans but Kai even with his face covered up by the hat he could still deliver his facial acting. He didn't do (the expressions) on purpose but because he's in a state of enjoying his dancing that made it possible.

- I'm from another fandom but this is worthy of acknowledgement. His physical, his technique, his dancing line, his power and even his sense,,,, there's Michael Jackson's tehniques and dancing lines as well as Rain's power and physique as well as his very own sense (in this)... seriously SM, if you listen to the MR-Removed, the vocals are so far above the level of what it's known to the public..even me myself, all this time I thought EXO is successful merely due to the fact that they were from a big agency and avoided them.. it's such a waste that people are not listening and watching just because they are idols from SM. From watching the videos recently I finally learned about it. Even when EXO has reached the top position all this while they never stay idle and individually keeps making effort and constantly practicing and it's so cool how their skills keep on improving.

- for real...I wondered how cool could he be (that people are talking about it) and watched it...seriously I can't close my mouth

- one of the reason I'm proud to be an EXO fan...we have Kai in our EXOㅜㅜ

-An all-rounder. He has very good strength, his lines are beautiful, he doesn't miss out on anything in his interpretation of the beat and has good actualization. He sinks down at the place that needs it, he has dynamics and there is no unnecessary movement. When he needs to move, he transfers all of his body in balance. It's easier to say but for people with with a lot of strength, it's actually harder to control it... He arranges his dance lines (when his body is) in a relaxed state and the strength needed to do this might be smaller but in a situation where you have a lot of strength, to rearrange and be in a standstill wouldn't it use up a lot of the muscle strength? It might look easy when you're watching but in no way is it easy to execute. (this is why when the dancing line is beautiful, you hear people say someone is good at dancing but is just dancing lightly. On the contrary, if you have a lot of power, it's not easy to achieve that beautiful dancing line. For example when rolling the hip in a wave but to cope with the powerful strength (of the dancer), the parts that shouldn't be moving would move as well or rebounded in reaction. Because when the body is tensed up, the body center that is supposed to be moving it's not being shifted and instead the strength went into the next move (T/n: and the dancing line doesn't look beautiful this way, which is opposite of Jongin's dancing; he has a lot of power yet his dancing line is still beautiful) The optimum of studio dancing. To have those line beautifully arranged and the dynamics so well interpreted, it had to have happened in front of a mirror, but because (he) makes it looks so easy it looks like he was simply born with it. But if you think about it, in the world of art and physical education there is nobody who doesn't make an effort. Everybody in this field works hard. The real talent is making it look like all those hard work and endeavours were something you're born with.

- EXO's choreography is not easy but even while Kai's moves are light and clean and fall into place perfectly he is also acting for his expressions .. how much did he practice to achieve that level of relaxed confidence I'm this close to revering himㄷㄷㄷ Just thinking about how he figured out the choreo and danced it to match the song Tempo makes me breathless but isn't the way he puts the expressions there also such a geniusㅠㅠ I want to see his appearance as a solo too...it would look so cool if he has some professional dancers behind him and come out with a big scale performance I think he could fill the stage even if he comes out alone

- wow seriously from the beginning I went "Heok" as I watchㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ so it wasnt just me who thought of Michael Jackson..wow seriously the goosebumps

- A group I already knew about. A member I knew could dance, I had no idea I would be knocked down by his dance like this; everyone says he's good at dancing so should I give it a watch? and I was caught unaware and was totally hooked! The dance is of course good but his facial expressions are seriously attractive. Perfect even to his outfit,

- Wowㅋㅋㅋㅋ Saw this by chance and now I've watched it for more than 20 timesㅋㅋㅋㅋ just by looking at this stage the next person after Michael Jackson is Kai! I'm a 35 years old ahjussi but I think he's very cool ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ It's like watching Ronaldo and Messi's trippingㅋ he's really good!

- Even a man like me thinks Kai is sexy..

- Fvcking cool..wow that strong jaw and the movement of muscles and the confidence in his facial expressions, the physical beauty that's easily near to perfection. I received the sacred feeling that's similar to watching the scene of Angus Young's possessed guitar playing (T/n: Angus Young is the lead guitarist of legendary rock band AC/DC). This kid's expressing " I'm fvcking happy I could die" with his whole body on the stage. Hell I'm a man what the fvck am I doing analysing something like this.

- personally Call Me Baby is a song that I like and even in that music video his expressions were already something else..and when I saw the mv for this song what I felt was...that he danced like he has a metronome mounted in his body. He's good at dividing the beats and has great rhythm.. And he puts on his expressions on top of all that, seriously... and this friend looks happy when he's dancing...very cool!

- truthfully Kai's face isn't my style but when he's wearing the hat his angled jaw? is so attractive and I dont know if it's because he's so good at digesting the stage he looks so handsome...I gasped when he took of the hat

- to be honest when watching Kai's on stage it's not simply that he looks cool and danced well but he carries an artisan's spirit with his skills, expressiveness and control of strength and speed which are achieved through mastery, and everything is high-class, but there is something more to him that can't be explained. Because of this, even the people who watched him experienced a catharsis and will watch him opened mouth and in pure ecstasy. Truly nobody can imitate the aura of someone who sincerely loves, enjoy and gives his efforts for the stage. That's why I'm envious of Kai he's like a person who holds both talent and happiness. I hope he flies even higher because from the way I look at it Kai's potential is still endless

- I have no words for his dance and expressions they are the best and his defined muscles are so prettyㅜㅠㅠㅠ

- The 3000 comments are creating another piece of art

- this isn't just at the level of good at dancing, his very aura is somewhat already different

- I watched this by chance as it appeared on the main page and after that I've been watching it every day. The videos that I watch once every day recently are this video and Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody live in Montreal video. They both make my heart beat in a similar flow.

- I'm from another fandom...I've know from before that Kai is a good dancer but from watching the fancam this time around he's really amazingㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ he's sexy, great at dancing and he's really cool. It must feel great for Kai fans and EXO fans to stan him. Also I think that there might be people who have never watched this video but I bet nobody will ever watch it only once if they've seen it

- It's like he's doing a completely different dance and song on his own where are the limits of his skillsㅋㅋㅋ the Tempo stage is a place of practice for him to grow his skills of dancing and facial actingㅋㅋㅋ seriously Kai is hard to express with words I'm amazed everytime I see him

- does he have a separate choreography of his own the difference of level is felt

- he's singing with using his body

- so I watched this by chance cause this was the suggested video and now I can't escape from it ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

- everybody says Kai-nim's Tempo fancams are daebak so I'm going through the vids and every time I watch one I could only say "this is crazy" ㄷㄷ seriously daebakㄷㄷㄷㄷ daebakㄷㄷ wow....!

- so Kai...is this kind of person...his dancing and expressions are almost at a spritual stage

- I'm not even an exol whats with the addiction to this video?

- I'm a senior who just sat for CSAT exam a week ago...thank God i watched this after exam was over..this is.. EXO wow..so this is EXO..ah this is..

- this isn't Kai doing a dance it's actually the dance doing a Kai

- before he gets older let him release a Solo!

- an Idol who's fancam is worthy of watching...an Idol that makes me search for his fancams. personally I think he's the most attractive among idols and a character that will go for a long run. Even during the parts that aren't his he never lets go of the tension and was wholly participating at every moment..yes an Idol should be great at stages..I never get bored..especially Kai does every stage differently I keep looking for it

- what kind of drug is this video? i still want to watch no matter how much I've watched it...I'm not EXO fan but his dance and expressions are so sexyㅠㅠ I've no idea how many times I repeat watching thisㅜㅜㅜㅜ💛

- to be exact it's 20 days now since I've been reporting to duty here everyday...before I start my day at work I'll watch it and whenever there's free time I'll watch the video and check out the comments...it's become a habit now I feel empty if I don't watch it and no matter how much I watch it it's always refereshing and thrilling

- I'm not used to being a fan of entertainers but this is really Daebak..from the dancing lines to the expressions and his own individuality on top of that too

- I think I know why EXO fans stan them..

- Michael Jackson?

- look at his expression at 0:46 to match the screaming sound..ㄷㄷ.. for real Kai isn't just good at dancing he's totally great for the whole stage ...what would he have done if he wasn't a celebrity

- he's so good at dancing to the point I had goosebumps..

- he's like a professional dancer ㄷㄷ he's so very good at dancing

- Kai looks exactly like when the Beast from Beauty and the Beast turns into the Prince...fvck so sexy

- this is like a scene of a movie where a man who is in love with dancing goes on stage and enjoying the dance he felt the happiness to his heart's content.

- first off all Kai has a body that is different from the regular person it's like a body that was born to be dancing. of course he dances very well but his body is naturally a beautiful and impressive body

- I'm a man too but I think only one word will be enough..amazing

- For a group to do well, leadership is very important and within EXO the members who all have incredible talents are not just emphasizing their own selves individually instead they prioritize the team and perform their respective parts and it's very attractive and gives you a feeling of reliability. Kai who dreams of a solo since debuting does not rush (to do it) but instead shows a side of him determinedly improving himself. The side of him who stood back and calmly ensure an internal stability first even with having a huge fandom is very fine. If he was all about imposing his own self forward I don't think it would be possible for this kind of teamwork for EXO and such results. This is why I'm looking forward even more to Kai's solo that will come out someday. Anybody who watches him can tell that he is a genius with a striking presence but the way he remains steadfast as he tacitly performs his share of responsibilities to the point of receiving the trust and respect of his members, there is no way you wont feel touched about it. For someone like this who actually have everything, if he fell into narcissism and arrogance and only thought of himself individually, it would've been hard for the team to do well. -->(Reply) Your words touched my heart...Kai...I will be supporting you~

- It's very surprising how even with the popularity of a top idol who has reached the peak with 7 years experience he is still a mysterious existence to the public and his image is not at all consumed and he is still giving us a lot to anticipate. With a strong fandom globally and now expanding his contact with the local market,the future of the 7-year idol singer Kai is something I'm very much looking forward to. I think he is a rare and a unique character. I'm supporting you!

- I who keep watching Kai-nim dancing for countless timesㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋseems like we are all in a tranceㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ( I'm just happy to find out others are just similar to me..)

#kai #jongin #exo kai #exo tempo #kai viral fancam #commentsonKAI

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jen-iii · 7 years

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Being the biggest garnet fan I've ever met here... Are you satisfied about how her character has been shown in recent seasons? (Don't get me wrong, I love ruby and sapphire and I always will but I feel the personality of garnet is disappearing and it is nothing compared to what she was in the first season And now she only dedicates talk about "fusion this" "fusion that" Is something sad for me because she was my favorite characters and was one of the reasons I endure hiatus after hiatus :(

This got long as shit because I ADORE Garnet of course and have actually a lot to talk about in regards to this!

In my own personal opinion, I believe her first season self was a bit... one dimensional and here’s why

In season one, Garnet was shown as the stoic, fearless leader of the crystal gems. She was quiet and blunt and strong. She never really...connected with the others too much like, we KNEW that Pearl and Amethyst had personality differences and such and that Ame and Steven were fun buddies and that Pearl was like a doting mother but with Garnet there was always this sense of disconnect to me. Like it got to the point where I always expected that she would like, barely say anything cept a witty one liner at times and be hella protective. That’s it. one certain episodes we go little HINTS to a much bigger personality like with future vision and arcade mania and etc etc, but they were always very small and we didnt have any real info to connect the bits till like jailbreak

But then comes Jailbreak and we get ALL this information on who Garnet IS and what she represents and it really makes you think. Like, we KNEW that Garnet became the defacto leader after Rose’s death and that has a whole slew of emotions and character meta right there but we didnt KNOW that she was a fusion. That she was made up of literal LOVE. That she had to go through so. MUCH because she was a ‘perma-fusion’ made up of two DIFFERENT gems. That she had to find her own identity from it. and we then get to see Garnet sort of blossom forth. shes far more open with the others, more open with Steven and her flaws and more open to sharing about herself and you see that shes been HOLDING BACK all of this. The character we THOUGHT Garnet was wasnt complete. yeah sure, shes still the fearless leader of the crystal gems, calm cool and collected. But she’s also made of LOVE, she is so gentle and supportive of all things about love and fusion because its so, SO important to her.

(As for Ruby and Sapphire showing up more and more, I think it’s to flesh them out a bit more like. we got Garnet FARRR more then them and they are (literal) key components to Garnet herself. it gives us a sense of who THEY are and how they act around eachother and who their characters are outside of being Garnet but ALSO showing us little nuances into Garnet’s own personality. We think were seeing them a lot but in reality its just more OFTEN, not a lot. trust me. I am DYING for more episodes ghfnvfjm)

Fusion is a major, MAJOR part of Garnet’s character and identity. and Garnet is a HUGE symbol for healthy gay relationships. and it’s been in my own personal experience that when I was hiding that I was gay, I never gave forth my ‘real’ personality. it was like I was two similar but different people whenever i was alone by myself and out and about with people. but, when I got the chance to come out, and the knowledge that I had support and people who cared, by god did I change I felt so much more comfortable with myself and who I was and jesus did I talk about being gay a lot. it was something I had to hold back and now that I can let it out, I tended to talk about it A LOT.

so in this sense, I kinda always associated Garnet talking more and more about fusions and the like as to FINALLY being able to and its just spilling out because she so happy to talk and educate others on the subject.

and, from an aspiring animators standpoint, I can TOTALLY see why there showing more things about fusion and having Garnet, the resident fusion who knows about HEALTHY fusing, talk about it rather then someone else. Fusion is a MAJOR part of the show. Fusion represent the RELATIONSHIPS between the two components fusing whether it be platonic, romantic, etc etc. The core of steven universe is LOVE. the LOVE between family and friends and lovers and in this story, LOVE can have a PHYSICAL FORM. and nothing can beat love. as such, theyre going to try and explain it and develop the concept a LOT. and they want to make sure we know what’s the BEST way to think about fusion. and who better then to educate us then a fusion made out of LOVE?

Basically, I see Garnet as having HEAVY and MAJOR character development. Especially in regards of how she interacts with the others now that a huge and major secret of her has been revealed. and that she seems a bit pushed to the side because she’s already had her HUGE character development arc and they’re moving on to other characters rn in tandem so it SEEMS like were seeing her less but thats because were seeing one character who wasnt around as much suddenly be a bit more spotlight centered. And she’s honestly the best person to talk about fusions (by far the most stable fusion weve seen and possibly like, EVER)especially since I think that were gonna see fusions take a larger role in SU. Think of her talking more about fusions like Steven using his dream walking ability more and more in the show. it’s leading up to SOMETHING.

#Anonymous #Jeni Rambles

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infnthoya · 7 years

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When did you realize that hoya was your bias? What was your favorite comeback look of his? What do you like most about hoya?

this is gonna be loooooong :)

ok first of all, i’d like to thank you like a million times for sending this to me. i wasnt on tumblr whole day but i opened it a few times on my phone during the day. i had been seeing this ask sent to my mutuals and was wishing someone sent it to me too. and i wrote it under a read more which i thought no one would pay attention and i didnt even mention it was THIS ask and then YOU SENT IT! *showers you with hearts and chocolate cupcakes* i hope i can write it well enough becuz my english isnt that good and im also not good with expressing myself.

“Bias” thing is a complex term for me. i guess its becuz im pretty older than all those boys, i cant just pick one and call them “bias”. and i usually cant have 2 biases at once. i “joined” the kpop community in the beginning of ‘12 and over these 5 years, i called 3 idols as my bias. first was TOP, then came Yongguk and for a few months i biased both of them but eventually Yongguk claimed his place as my one and only and stayed like that for a very long time. then when Howon came, just like the previous time, both of them stayed for a few months but then Howon won over Yongguk. I wanted point that out to show that for an idol to “won” the title of being my bias (lmao) they must’ve be REALLY good! (and i take this sh*t way too more seriously than i should otl)

already 3rd paragraph and i havent even started answering your Qs omg! okay so like i said i was a hardcore YG stan. honestly, HW got me by his looks at first. not only becuz he was good looking but becuz he had this “manly” image you know? im more into that type. when i first saw him was during H’s Special Girl era and i was someone who hasnt listened to even 1 infinite song (shame on me!) i was seeing YaDong gifs all over my dash but everyone was going crazy over Dongwoo (i dont blame them :D) but i was thinking “why is there no love for Hoya? he is -imo- more good looking”. but i didnt pay too much attention to it. later i started watching Reply’97 due to a friend’s rec and HW’s good looks, combined with his amazing acting skills and the character he played, caused him to sneakily and slowly get into my heart and brain. he is the reason i started following Infinite and simply there wasnt anyone else to steal his place among OT7. and later, both by some stuff that YG was doing to cause me grow away from him and the stuff that HW was doing to win me over, the game came to an end. so it wasnt like “omg he looked so good in X era” or sth but i had already found too many things that i loved about him as time passed by and un-stanning YG just made everything official. i think its been around 2 years since he became my only bias.

My fave look(s) [sorry for cheating:)]; im normally a trash for up-styled hair so his Pretty era look was perfection. but, tho i wasnt a fan back then, im in love with his Be Mine era look and im praying for the day i can see him with a short hair like that (SY has it now and IT LOOKS AMAZING!!!) Plus, i love his fluffy light brown hair during Back era (that is a sad era for us Howon stans but for some reasons i love it too much as well) And lastly, i just cant ignore his cotton candy hair colors during Last Romeo era hehe^^;;

Ok this is the hardest but the best part. its 4am now and its been a veryyy long and tiring day so i hope i wont skip anything (i just couldnt leave this post to later i HAD TO do it now :D)

Like i said his good looks was the reason he got my attention so i’ll start with it. i mean his eyebrows could slice my heart into pieces and his cute eyes make me go blind and his JAWLINE IS SHARPER THAN THE SHARPEST BLADE and i really love his lips (i dont like too big/plumpy lips) and his lips are just perfect for me and the way they shape when he cant contain his laugh like his lips get so wide you can see his gums its the most beautiful smile ever but HIS NOSEEEEE!!!! DUDE HIS NOSE!!!! ITS THE CUTEST NOSE I HAVE EVER SEEN AND I JUST WANNA PUT LITTLE PECKS ON HIS CUTE LITTLE NOSE ITS SO AŞDENEĞANAPROLUX!!!!

Another thing is how he is rather reserved. i mean he is surely much more open now, esp since Back era but still he likes being on his own, getting lost in things that he loves like dancing, making music or stuff like that and im like him too so idk its like a connection you know?

He is strong. not only physically but also mentally. he has a strong determination. he has been thru too much to be at where he is now. starting from his family (here is a ref for those who dont know how hard it was for him) i think thats very brave of him to risk so much for an unclear future.

I LIVE FOR HIS LAME JOKES!!!! and i dont think they are lame (ok some of them are :D) but i think its a proven fact that was accepted by everyone that he is witty. and i love my man smart :D lol he even praised his fans for being witty in his last vlive saying sth like “fans are like their idols. im witty and you’re witty too” or sth like that lol he is adorable!!!!

Which leads me to another thing i love about him; his love and respect for fans! about 2 years ago he was given a letter by a fan (i think its better if y’all check it here if you havent already) i love the way he approached the issue. he is always so straightforward about things which is another thing i love about him but i think ever since that time, he has become more “active” at airports. i mean he couldve just ignored it. losing 1 fan wouldnt have mattered. or he couldve done that speech but still go on acting like that and tbh we couldnt blame him becuz he really doesnt have to do any fan service at the airports. but oh my god! the fanservice that i had the honor of witnessing with my own eyes from the first row at the airport in Berlin!!!! he was the only one to open the curtain and wave at us and did “i say ho you say ya” with us, he kept waving till the van disappeared from our sight and he def couldve chosen not to do that and we couldnt blame him but he chose to do it! also when he first did vlive, it was becuz he had to do it due to some official thing but he said if he knew it was so easy to do, he’d do it often and tbh i thought he said it just to say it you know? but he was sincere about it! he really does the most vlives and idk what more to say on this issue lol

His thought on his own chastity just multiplied by respect for him a million times!!! im keeping this short since its a private issue but its one of the top things i love the most about him!

Another thing i adore is his relationships with his friends. i mean everyone loves their friends but i think he is doing a little more than that. he always features his friends on his personal or group schedules whenever he has the chance so he introduces them to more and more people. in a way he is “presenting” them you know? i mean i dont think too many people knew about Hyojin before his Good Kissser stage (i for one didnt know) but now i dont think there is an Inspirit out there who doesnt know her and i think its too cute!

I love his fashion sense. you guys are probably thinking (i mean if you have come this far, bless you

I legit started this around 4am and now its 5am and i have to wake up early otl but i had so much fun writing this and realized once again how much i love him not only as a singer but as a person too. I hope i havent missed out anything lol There are also stuff like how talented he is (he does perfect jobs in so many fields), how hardworking he is, how he loves his members etc but i think they are the kind of things that anyone, even if they arent HW biased can agree on and i wanted this post to be more personal rather than stating the observable facts :)

If anyone has read this till the end, im really sorry for wasting your time but i also hope i could cause you see Howon from different sides and somehow put a smile on your face.

Have a great day/night everyone 💜✌

#Anonymous #i need to tag this for later #what to tag?#hoya #mine

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midnatt-heronweather · 4 years

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2019

My Year review, for my own reasons, starts from March 7th.

though what I will say about pre then is, it is an honour to be known by the creator (Cassandra Clare) as the first person to ever admit to being a fan of the Starkweather family after asking about them when she and Holly Black came to Manchester in February. And that I owe that little meet for making me properly look at Holly “Folk of air.” series.___________________________________________________________________________________________

Gigs:

I pick 7th of March to start this review because it is the day myself, Heather and Ally went to see Freya Ridings who had the week before had her song “Lost Without you.” played in an important scene on the final half of the final season of Shadowhunters. I didn’t get to meet her this time, so her song card is still in my folder to be signed one day, and I have hope it will.

As seems to be my song recently, I didn’t get to many gigs this year, though a lot of my fave people toured (some even reformed, but that was over in the US)Due to funds we didn’t even to any Whitby this year (any as there are 4 now may I remind the reader)

Don’t ask me why but I went to see John Barrowmans Christmas show in Harrogate. I love the man but.. I’ll stick to the normal stuff.. if you can call anything Barrowpants does as normal.

What I did get to, was see Counterfeit the week before my birthday with Ally, Jaime and co were on top form and so what I needed after a perfectly ghastly couple of weeks leading up.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Conventions:

*Liverpool Comic Con The same weekend at the Frey Ridings gig, gave me more time with my pack on a bad week. But I’m not talking about that here.Anyway, my reason for Liverpool Comic Con this year was the chance to meet Peter Facinelli (Carlisle Cullen, Twilight / Max Lord, Supergirl)I am a after all a Twilight and a Supergirl fan and also S.W.A.T fan (but he left in s1)Peter told me he hadn’t been written out of SG to make way for the LGBT storyline, he’d asked to be left out as the show had to move filming locations and he didn’t want to be so far from his family all the year. I didn’t gloat to the Sanverse lot but it was tempting.

I also got to speak with Paul (Paul Schrier and Jason Narvy) who played Bulk from Bulk and Skull in Power Rangers, thought Jason waved. They are both sweethearts and while, as mad as their on-screen counterparts, not as annoying, I walked past Paul a few times before finally deciding to ranger up and tell him he was the first person I saw on screen and considered a role model for the “bigger” person. He told me an awesome story about another girl who because she was big had been stuck playing him until he’d fronted up to kids making her and she got to play one of the rangers.I saw the duo again at “Wales” in December and Paul remembered me when I said hi.

*Survival 4 - 2019-04-05 to 2019-04-07 -Ren, London: the first Starfury of the year, the convention I’d given an entire show a 3rd look for after finding out Sean was actually inviting the Seelie Queen herself Lola Flanery (Maddie Griffin, The 100), I’m still not sure if she was amazed, saddened or sickened by the fact me and Heather had come to the convention just for her, but it got a few laughs from Sachin Sahel (Eric Jackson, The 100) who seemed to be her escort for the weekend.I dropped to my knees in the proper greeting of the queen that Jade Hassoune (Meliorn) had taught me the year before at the first Pancon, gave her the fanmade cookbook (don’t ask) and.. I like to think we impress her with our Seelie court cosplay despite being rushed by Sean's announcing.

* Last Wales Comic Con in Telford I looked a tit. I left my shoulder piece at ally so ended up looking like some Roman surf.Meeting David Wenham didn’t go to plan in the slightest, he is my fave actor from Lord Of The Rings and yet somehow, telling him that seemed to bore him.

Russell Tovey (George, Being Human/ Ray Terrill, The Flash) was polite, but colder than I’d have expected, especially when he was so animated and nice to everyone else.

While I have Amanda Tapping auto twice from a friend, finally standing beside her (Capt Carter, Stargate / Dr Magnus, Sanctuary) was an honour, especially When she seemed to like Martouf the Symbiote, as I said my Tok’ra costume had gone to hell but her smile made it bearable.

Alexander Ludwig ( Bjorn, Vikings) was wearing a shirt from Descended from Odin, he laughed when I recognised the logo he is so far the nicest OG Vikings cast member I’ve met.

* Starfury Ultimates 4 - 2019-05-17- 2019-05-19/20 - Hilton, Birmingham:

I got to meet the love interest of my favourite Coluan, Nicole Maines (Nia Nall/Dreamer, Superigrl) and the last reason I have to watch Legends in the form of the amazing Amy Louise Pemberton (Gideon), me and Louiza did our first duo cosplay as Jareth and Sarah from The Labyrinth, though I forgot the Goblin King wears Make up, I seemed to do okay as far as the SF peeps thought.

*LFCC:

well, I’ve said all I am going to say about the lies and lack of organisation and care from the stewards. so. The con....I died, visibly, slowly, but with a lot of translating from my long suffering Parbatai Heather I managed to meet, greet and speak with BOTH Greyjoys,First I had to face them for a photo shoot, in a uniform that was smaller than it was supposed to be, I felt daft not only because it was a Starfleet uniform but because I’d dreamed of cosplaying a greyjoy and my size made it if nothing else monetarily impossible, so I threaded my OBO necklace under my collar, totally against Starfleet regs, and stepped, up, Gemma said hello and Alfie went to before seeing the octopus, I wanted the ground to open up till he beamed“its like a Star trek Greyjoy crossover!” you can guess how happy I was he liked it.At the Autograph table Gemma (Yara) revealed she’s actually a Wessie like me. When I told her she was the best actress in all of Gentleman Jack for even attempting the accent and giving her character believability she said “yes..well.. I grew up in Headingley.” to which If I hadn’t already been falling a part I would have gone to pieces, as was I think I croaked my way through “what.. seriously. Someone cool.. from my area?” or something along those lines.Facing her on-screen brother was possibly the most Fan-squee moment I can ever remember having, and that include quiet a few awesome meets in my conlife. We cued, and I suddenly found my breath was short, his PA miming asked me if I’d had a drink I nodded, he then mimed I was breathless because of Alfie and not him and that he’d fight Alfie which got me laughing, I faced Alfie, took as much concentration I could muster, telling him I’d been there since ep 1, loved the Greyjoys through everything, it was amazing, he is so sweet and so shy, more so than when we’d met him a few years ago backstage for that brief moment, thinking on it it did explain a lot, also why he had his dog Ata with him and had randomly walked past us before taking him for a walk, but standing there in front of him its..indescribable.

Also at LFCC were Zachary Quinto ( Kelvin Timeline Spock) who seemed very taken by Alfie's dog Ata, he wouldn’t do LLAP in photoshoots, at first I thought that was because of the way I approached him, I was unable to keep my breath and looked like I’d been crying, but apparently he just doesn’t do it. Lends itself to the old rumour that for the movies he had to glue his fingers to get it right doesn’t it? He was sweet, I can’t really say much else because I didn’t get the time thanks to ‘things’ to spend time talking with him.

The reason for my costume choice was Shazad Latif (by then Commander Ash Tyler, Star Trek Discovery) I’d met him the previous year but had not had the money to get a photograph with him, so that's what I did, he’s a nice lad, and doesn’t mind goofs as I remembered from last year. I saw him again at DST and told him about a scene in a recent show he did where he didn’t realise someone had accidentally mimicked his accent.

*Starfury Highlanders 4 - 2019-08-09 to 2019-08-11 - Hilton, Birmingham:

Met David Berry and finally met the Queen of Hearts Maria Doyle Kennedy.Made a fool of myself. Got told I ask to many questions and saw Sean so drunk he left hie wallet/card on top and cigars on the bar in public.Also this was the convention that determined a new personal rule. I am not doing 3 day cons for any less than 3 interesting guests. Shadowhunters cast being the exception to the rule only if its someone I’ve not met before.I try to keep to the same rule with Day cons but sometimes there's just someone who makes that impossible (Tom Burke back at a Newcastle comic con a few years ago being my go to example)

* Pandemonium con2:

3rd Shadowhunters con I’d attended.I know I shocked Matt (Alec), Luke (johnathan) and Kat (Clary) as the Owl.I’m told Dom (Jace) was shocked to and said the mask was better than the one he’d worn which we all know is just him being kind to broke overweight untalented fan.Luke is a gent, think I wierded him out asking for him to go full Johnathan in the photo, but he seemed to forgive me when I told him me and my friends Carla and Michelle had dreamcast him as Spike in the Buffy revival (and Jade as Willow obv)Chai (Jordan) is always madness, all the time. And didn’t mind getting scolded for spoilering one of his own charectars deaths to a fan (me) who’d only agreed to watch the show because of him and Lola (Seelie Queen) being in it. He took it with good humour and began discussing spoilering and its limits. He was wierded out by me A.L.I.E photoshoot idea, when most people want hugs and high fives and stuff.

my season 2 Seelie didn’t get the reaction from Jade (Meliorn) my s1 did in Milan the previous year, but I think by then he knew I was mad enough to try it, and it wasnt a direct attempt at him (not for lack of trying)He loved the Buffy notebook set and Hufflepuff hat I got him, was even wearing it at closing, though I didn’t get pics as my camera died. Wasnt surprised apparently, that I’m Hufflepuff too. Which most would have taken as a barb but just kept me grinning.I gave him Tomato crisps but he has yet to tell me the answer to the question he asked had asked me when I first found them over here “are they the real thing?”I also brought a little dragon to meet its name sake, I did considering giving him it but I think I overloaded him, he was a flattered by the likeness though, also by the smell? Guessed it was a boy angel knows how because I don’t.

I met Nicola Damude (Maryse) in Milan, but because of stuff and thangs I didn’t get to talk to her for long, so when she got announced it was heaven for me,I gave her a jar of Pontefract cakes from the Castle (still not sure why) and she asked if she could give them to her dad who loves black Liquorice, I was pleased as anything, and she asked me where Pontefract was and I for some reason said“famous for Liquorice, racing and hot pokers.” to which Ally explained and got nick laughing.Ally cosplayed Maryse which had Nic smiling like a chesire cat and her picture where Allys brought out Biromantic heart flag will go into her wall of pride flags which she puts in her window during pride week at home in Canada even when shes away working.

*Destination Star Trek 2019:

I met up with Villiana and Sarah at DST, still surprised Sarah was a Trekkie, but it made the con more interesting, intop obviously of my 5 reasons for attending despite cash flow Shazad Latif (Commander Ash Tyler), Wilson Cruz and Anthony Rapp (Dr Hugh Culber and Lieutenant Paul Stamets), Alan Van Sprang (Commander Leland/Control) and Ethan Peck (Liuetenant Spock)

When I met Wilson Cruz I gave him the picture I’d got last year to sign and told him it was for my friend who was a nurse and couldn’t attend, he said “theirs always next year” adding quickly “if we’re asked.” to which I grinned, I explained how she was a Cardiac nurse and couldn’t rearrange shifts when they (he and Anthony) got announced, how she’d binged both seasons and they were her faves. He was proud to be playing a doctor liked by a nurse.

First photo was with Ethan, I was nervous as hells. Despite the fact it seemed only I remembered the significance of Alice in Wonderland to Spock I went through with my idea, he leant over my shoulder looking interested, I was so happy even after I realised the book was facing to far right for the cover to be readable. Ethan asked about the pic when I went to his table to get his autograph and I said it was awesome,turns out I was so annoyed at myself for the way I held the book, I’d not noticed he was giving the book the Spock eyebrow till I scanned it.I asked him if he’d do me a favour when he went back on the set of Penny Dreadful and told him about Live Dom and Prosper to which he laughed and said he’d only seen Dominic the day before.

While I was cuing for Ethans auto there was a girl behind me talking about asking Shazad who was sat next to him to sign her s31 badge she’d just bought, I’ve had mine since they came out and com badges before that so I turned round and told her it would be impossible to keep in tact, she said it wouldn’t matter just because she’d been up to him to get it signed, and I looked where she’d positioned it and tried to keep myself from saying anything else, someone gave her a pen they thought would last better, a group gathered trying to talk her ionto it, and while they were talking Shazads cue wass empty so I wandered over, got my friend Michelle is auto and talked about Departure where he didn’t know for a few moments in one scene a Canadian playing a Brit hadn’t been able to help mimicking his London accent, he found it funny and couldn’t believe I noticed, I shrugged and said “two of my fave actors in one scene, I notice these things.” I told him where to look and he wrote it down. I then asked if there was any plans to try and get Ash into the section 31 show even as a hologram and he said there was a discussion going on which got me grinning, I turned round and the girls thought I’d told but I shook my head, I wanted none of it. But when I got back in Ethans line she stepped out of and went to ask him, he didn’t look very bothered about where she had it, he just liked the idea.

From day 1 There was no question I was walking out as Section 31 again, but this time, instead of being the only black badge I was one of a sea, I was however the only one to give Alan Van Sprang a 3d print copy of the ship, his ship, the NCIA-93 which he loved, said I’d out done myself (after the rune com I gave him last year) and took another Selfie I’ll never see lol

my friend Ashley took photos of the whole encounter, from Alan thinking I’d given him a box of bubble wrap to the shock on his face, he said getting the ship was 2nd in awesome only to stepping onto the set of the ship itself.We got talking, I asked him about something Nicola had said at pancon, that when he’d had his first and only scene with her he’d called her Marsee instead of Maryse and he said its true and that she’d told him she’d told the story at a con the previous month, I said it was only last week, to which Ash from over my shoulder said that I am and I quote “the number one fan in the UK and universally known in the con community as the biggest fan and a lot of people only knew of Shadowhunters because of me,” apparently that's a consensus as I found out later, and as much as I don’t think its strictly true I was honoured never the less,he wasn’t took keen on my writing, apparently Lisa looked like Lisa am or something? don’t ask.So we were chatting and suddenly I noticed this head bobbing up and down behind him, Wilson Cruz had left his place and was using a chair to do raised push ups because he was bored.I realised that I’d stood chatting to Alan longer than was strictly polite for other fans so I bowed out, Saw him again for photos, where he and Shazad made me very happy

I do feel a bit of dope, I brought my asexual flag for my photo with Wilson and Anthony, but when Anthony asked me what the colours meant my brain went blank, I have to agree to tweet him a link. At least with him and Wilson I know they check twitter lol.

When I went up to get Anthony's auto on the Culmets photo for Ally I told him the same as I’d told Wilson how about Ally binging the show and loving them, how I’d pretty much known who’d she’d go for as faves, how she's a combo of the two and how..well what I said was “Paul rocks.” to which he grinned and said “of course he does.” LOL

* Miracle Day Returns (5) 2019-11-15 to 2019-11-17 - -Ren, London: Seeing the old crowd was perfect for the last Starfury of the year (Destiny never counts)hearing from Gareth on the future potential for music, getting ribbed by Kai, and of course watching the two of them taking the piss out of John is always a riot.Seeing Kai and Eve handing Sean a peition for a 5th Miracle Day was awesome, and we know it will happen.. somewhere down the line

*Wales Comic Con Telford Takeover December: I am not standing on Aidan’s foot in the picture!That I have to be clear on, I am getting fking sick of people joking that I am. He is still laughing from a previous person in the booth and her kid., I would have gone back and asked about reshoots but door were closed and I figured Aidan had left as he was on a schedule.

Colton loved his Pokeball even if I did get them mixed up and have to get him and Adam to swap.Told me Roy end up with his arm back “sort of.” and there's no plans for him to be in the spin off but “its the future, you never know.”

Dean O’Gorman (Bragi, Almighty Johnson's) loved the fact I’d brought the cover of young Herc to be signed, and told me that it was the Pilot which explained why Ian didn’t continue as young Herc (scheduling)

Tyler confirmed he is the Superman in the spin off. I knew it was but just hearing him say it :DTyler and Colton both recognised us, it was awesome!

While I am Ify on the new location due to travel funds and things, generally the convention was awesome as always. ____________________________________________________________________________________________

Stuff

TVWith the end of Shadowhunters I have seriously been lacking new shows.I’ve tried different things and nothings stuck.Star Trek Discovery aired at the same time as Shadowhunters and was over nearly at the same time.The In-Between was interesting but isn’t getting a season 2,The Expanse s4 only started last week,Shadowhunters, TVD, Teen Wolf, Grimm, Torchwood, Xena, Bad Girls The Tribe, True Blood, Andromeda, American Horror Story, Merlin, B5, Stargate, its a short list but a special oneso I’ve started rewatches : my go to’s (see above list^) till something sneaks up.

MusicPretty much the same deal.J4de released some awesome songs, but that’s 4 songs, the EP is out ‘later’.but no new band has really grabbed me.

Upside? In November we learned that My Chem have reformed, just gotta wait and see if they record or tour outside the US. _______________________________________________________

Important

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” - C.S. Lewis

As always I have to have to mark those people who have made this year bareable,the good thing is this year there is no need for a piece on those who've also made it unbearable.

you know who you are, and if you don't.. assume i'm talking of you, because likely hood is I am.

"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens." - J. R. R. Tolkien

And that is.. or was it. Goodbye 2019

#2019

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fleamarketloveletters · 6 years

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January 17th, 1943.

Dear Folks,

(The first part of this letter is recopyed as I started it before I called you this morning and am finishing it later in Fayettesville.)

“As you can see I am writing with a Post Office Penn. I got up earlyto make a phone call home, and forgot my pen. I placed the call at 8AM and am now waiting for it to come through.

So here we sit waiting (one of the fellows from the training lottery is making a call to his wife) They have placed a limit on the length of the calls now 5 minutes. I think its a very good thing as it gives even chance to everyone. One time I could come over here for 8AM and pace the call get it in 5 minutes where as if today I had to wait till everyone talked a half hour, I be here all day.

I see now by my “Weston” watch its after 10am. My call will be coming through soon now I hope. (I can hear you all saying “Well its after 10am Bills not calling today” and I have to laugh)

Since I wrote you late last night there isnt anything much to say.

Well, Henry and I are getting to play checkers till calls come through.

So, so long, Will be talking to all you soon ----I say this with my last accat you by writing a hole letter with a post office pen”

Love,

Bill

Same day after call in U.S.A. in Fatalburg

I can still hear Ma saying “Only 5 minutes” when the operator told her the length of the call.

Boy! That was some fast talking to three people in 5 minutes. However it does give that personal touch you can’t get in letters, it sets you strait that all is well.

The fellows were laughing at the rate I was talking and change people, they thought I was talking to 5 people. “Ellie”, “Mom”, “[unclear]” + Eleanor because I used all those names. One a minute they were saying “He sure got his moneys worth!”

After I hung up we eat lunch at the service club our cook was there I ask him how come he was eating at the club. He replyed it was his day off and he only had to cook the food and wasnt required to eat it I told him how I wrote you of various dishh and you like them, he felt quite good.

Took a shower after lunch (just because it is the first time I wrote of taking a bath it doesn’t say its the first one I have taken) (Did I say lunch, well we had chicken if you have chicken for lunch.) Then Walter and I went to town to meet “Pauli” + “Syd” but we were late. We went into the movies and saw Arabian Nights over again boy was that a swell picture. We are now at the U.S.C. waiting for the boys. All the windows are open, we are sitting at a desk drinking orange soda they are serving, that is how warm it is down here. Last night we couldn’t sleep well as know one gave the order to shut the fire off and I had my “longies” on. (The sergeant had the fan on in his room) we were still telling jokes and listening to the radio at 11:30.

We saw some nice Valentines in our travel so we bought them in Fayettesville -- thing go so fast. I am holding yours in the picture (which didn’t turn out so food, but its me).

Now the program is about to begin and the boys are all here will tell you about it in next letter as I am not sure what it all about myself.

Dad asked why I didn’t call more often. It takes so long and now you talk such a short time that it seems well much waiting. If however you want me to call at any time just let me know and I wait a year in line, other wise I call once or twice a month so do stay in waiting it will always before noon on Sunday. Ma said the operator said afternoons were good, not from N.C. as it has to go through Washington and they are always calling in the evening though. The weeks aren’t any good either as all the boys are calling then. Most are too lazy to get up on Sunday and those who do get a brake. I place the call eat breakfast receive the call and then eat lunch not a bad system.

About the sweater if you haven’t bought it yet don’t get it as I’m sure I won’t need it any more after January the weather got mild here. After the last two weeks I don’t want it any warmer.

Last night we heard crickets chirping who could ask for anything more.

At Saturday’s inspection they ask [unclear unclear] Army Commander, your regimental commander etc and the training battery boys new more than I did about the old fellows, thanks to Captain Corey.

Well, I’ll close my book as the show is coming on.

Love,

Bill

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paulwalkersblog-blog · 7 years

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Chapter 3.... Gran and Grandad Mcmaster

My gran and grandad also lived in Charleston in Craigard Road (which I later purchased in life)

I spent more time with mothers parents for some reason when I was young for reasons unknown really.

Myself and sister used to also stay over quite a bit.

My grandfather John was a legend he was a brick layer by trade and even took me up to his work when he was retiring to clear out his locker he introduced me to his fellow colleagues. He was a very popular man.

He was very witty and caring we would be sitting in his living room and then he would shout out “and all of sudden the big mealy pudding came flying through the air” to which you nearly shit yourself it came straight out the blue.

He was always a bit mischievous he would tell me and my sister what we where getting 2 months before Christmas even taking us up to the cupboard and showing us. He would say “don’t tell your gran”

He was a cowboy fan and could sit and watch John Wayne all day if he could. I remember my parents buying him a video recorder and he was extatic he used to record everything so he could watch it over and over. Even asking me if you get a chance at home could you record the film’s also incase I miss something.

I used to love staying over after gran had went to bed around 10 he always had two cans of McEwan’s export and a nip of whisky he would get this small tankard and I mean shot small but was in shape of handle pint glass and fill it with beer and give me it. I so loved this man time it felt so special especially seen as I was only about 7.

I can recall watching Aberdeen win cup winners cup with him and having a few beers and him saying “I don’t watch football unless it’s a special occasion like this” Everytime I was with him was a special occasion for me.

I recall dinner times going there and we used to get the coppers out his bankie and play cards he used to let you keep the winnings. Lunch was more than always a Fleming’s steak pie and beans. Boy they where good.

As I grew older he used to take me to my football everyweek and basically anywhere i wanted to go.

One of my happiest moments with him was the day I walked in and told him I had passed my driving test!!!! He jumped for joy he was so happy offered me to take his car for a spin there and then.

He was a sun worshipper loved nothing more than sitting in the back garden with a hankie over his head for sunburn and a vest on. Out the back and at the table at the front of living room where his favourite spots.

He used to sit at front window and shout here comes bucket arse which was the cleaner from the primary school which seemingly the janitor had his wicked way with he would tell me in later years.

He would even call her that to her face and she didn’t even flinch.

Loved a pint with his mate bill but wouldn’t go out till 10pm for two pints and home during week.

My dad tells me he wasnt always like that and could tell me a few stories about him.

Grandad also used to take great pride in showing you his world war 2 scar on his shin where he was shot by a German soldier running from his bunker.

I remember the fateful day where he was sitting in the back garden with my gran and my big cousin John Mitchell popped over to see them he also dotted on my grandad. He was speaking to them in the back garden in his usual sun spot and my grandad had a stroke.

He was admitted into Ninewells hospital, my parents phoned me and told me what had happened and to make my way to hospital.

When I got there I was told he wouldnt last long he was paralyzed down one side and had brain damage. But he could probably still hear.

I went in and held his paralyzed hand and mum told him I was there and I was holding his hand. I’ll never forget as long as I live he squeezed my hand which was paralyzed and grunted. I told him how much I loved him and stayed an hour or so. He died during the night it was all so quick.

It was very emotional this was in June and I was to be married in August, he was so looking forward to our wedding.

My grandmothers name was Margaret she loved life so very much, and enjoyed people visiting her. I recall staying over one night and my mum’s sister Jacqueline must have had friends staying, so me and my gran slept on the couch. I must have been dreaming but to this present day I swear what I am about to tell you still rings true in my head!! I woke up in the early hours of the morning as I never heard my grandad coming in from the pub so I opened the front door to look for him, and seen this figure from top of the road staring at me so I went to close the door in fear, but before I could close it this green figure grabbed me pulled me out the house and threw me over the fence across the road. Yes It was the HULK. I woke up in the garden and crossed the road and woke my gran up and told her but she didn’t believe me I wonder why I still remember all this clear as day and if it was a dream it was a bloody good one. I remember coming home from primary school one day and receiving a phone call from my mum. I am at grans come quick she has had a bad heart attack! I ran faster than the wind and for there she was in a bad way lying in bed waiting on the ambulance coming. She went to the hospital in Dundee but they said the only way she would live is if she had a triple bypass operation and the only doctor at the time willing to do it was in Glasgow so off she went. We where all told that the chances of being successful where pretty slim so we prayed and we prayed night and day the church had never seen us all so much. I remember going to Glasgow just after the operation she had survived it against the odds. she was very confused calling the doctors German bastards and clearly thought she was in Germany during the war. She was if I recall about 57 at this time and she managed a fantastic recovery through time. She started attending church on a regular basis knowing that God had clearly answered our prayers, although my grandad didn’t believe in God as he was an atheist said it was all alot of shite but wouldn’t say not to go as it was everyone’s beleif. She was an avid bingo player who went with my mum quite alot to both the Mecca and the Gala in Lochee. Before I forget I have to mention the soup she used to make I don’t think I have ever tasted home made soup so fantastic the ham shanks that they used was fantastic and was quite peppery. Sure they had some secret formula. After my grandfather died it was so sad for her and I think my mum and dad wanted her to move in with them. But she wanted to stay at home. It used to break everyone’s heart when dropping her home and seeing her walk down the path on her own it made cry a few times I’m sure she must have cried herself she wasn’t used to being lonely. I tried to visit her as much as I could and sit and talk to her for hours. When we got married I remember having to make a speech about how much I would have loved my grandad to have been there as he was looking forward to it so much and her crying. She would be at my mum’s alot and would love doing the crosswords that she could do on her own to be honest with no help she was a clever clever woman. If you ever needed advice on anything gran was a book of knowledge. She loved going on holidays and went abroad a few times with her daughter’s and once with my mum and dad to Tenerife. She used to go to Cardiff to stay with her daughter Robbie and forget to come back or at least it felt that way to me not that she really needed to but I missed her. As she got older she became pretty frail and had a bit of dementia nothing to bad but i could see it. It was the year 2000 and she went up to Jacquelines house for Christmas and new year’s but she took seriously ill and was admitted to Aberdeen royal infirmary. She was seriously ill and when I got up there all she was doing was sleeping and doctors said she probably would not even wake up. Myself and susan where sitting with her when all of a sudden she did wake up and started talking to us she was telling me she was not going to make it not this time. I rushed and got mum and her sisters they couldn’t believe what they where seeing they really thought she would not wake up. She was coughing up blood alot she had cancer and always had a dry throat so I soaked small sponges on a stick and gran would suck them to ease her throat. She couldn’t eat but was able to suck an ice lolly. I went home at this point as it looked like she may get a bit better I think this was the Tuesday and myself and Susan went back on the Saturday and she was in the ward with others. She said to the other patients this is my grandson and his wife they have come all the way from Dundee to see me. I gave her a massive hug was great to see her in high spirits. However it turned out all the fluids she was taking was going straight to her lungs and she didn’t have long I just knew this would be the last time I saw her it was heartbreaking leaving hospital that day. On the Saturday after just before myself and Susan where going to bed I said to Susan something’s just happened I feel it and low and behold the phone went not long after she had died. This was in January of 2001 she was 71.

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