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nuka-nasty · 9 months

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Part 4

It had been a whole month since Nate left. MacCready had given himself only one night to cry his heart out then but on a brave face for his boy who clearly felt responsible for his dad's hurt somehow. He packed their things and headed to Diamond City, Piper tagging along.

She had a soft spot for Duncan - as did almost everyone who met him, though. She was telling him about the school he'll be attending with her little sister, and the funny robot that can only say one thing and sell noodles.

Mac watched as the life returned to his boys' eyes. He had practically started vibrating with excited when Mac asked him if he wanted to live in the city for a bit and go to school with other kids.

Piper, bless her, hadn't said a word about Nate and everything that happens. Considering how he used flirt and tease her just to watch her huff and scowl, he was quite surprised. But then again, Nate usually surrounded himself with good people.

Lord only knows what possessed Nate to see something good in himself.

Finally in the city before dark, Piper was just as excited as Duncan to show off the work she, Valentine and Nate did on the place. She opened the door with a 'Tada!'

It was... Perfect. Carpets under their feet, trophies and mounted rare rifles on the wall, all lit up in beautiful wall lamps. An honest to God kitchen and living room fully equipped. The empty end of the apartment was revamped into Duncan's room, with a big carpet, toys, and a desk with school supplies. The middle loft was redone into a bedroom with a bathroom in the top loft.

Duncan squealed and Piper lead him on a tour of their new home.

MacCready doesn't know how long he stood there speechless, just looking around. He couldn't believe this was theirs... They had a home. A safe home that is just theirs.

But... Nate's presence was still heavy. It felt like a physical thing, the way he expected to see Nate's bright smile and excited eyes if he were to look over his shoulder, asking 'so? What do you think?'. He could swear he saw Nate sitting on the sofa reading comics or cooking in the kitchen till he looked directly at it and saw he wasn't really there.

Just then Duncan came running into his legs, saving his sanity. His beautiful boy had the biggest smile and his raw heart softened.

"Is this really our home dad? Really really? I can leave my toys and clothes here forever?"

Mac looked up to see Piper (bless her soul) give him a sympathetic and reassuring smile. Damn perceptive journalist. She could probably see he was struggling and guess quite accurately with what.

"Yes, Duncan. We're home."

Time passed and Mac had to find a way to go on without Nate. It felt like re-learning how to walk on your own. He got a part time job with Diamond City security, assisting them during assaults at the entrance, or when a group of raiders, ghouls, or mutants were settling too close. It was too dangerous for the usual security lads, but compared to what he and Nate did on the daily - it was almost fun. Like target practice.

Word quickly spread of the amazing sharp shooter Merc and his sweet boy. Of course Duncan made friends really quickly and adored school, but he hadn't been this settled anywhere since Little Lamplight.

Soon enough came the requests for help.

Arturo needs mods from KL-E-0, Becky Fallon wants her family heirlooms from Fallon's Department Store, and Piper has a package she needs sent to Preston at the Castle.

It's the last request that makes him cave. He owes her (a big) one.

But he still pushes them for extra caps to make it worth his time (he's still RJ MacCready after all).

That's how he became the 'need help? Talk to MacCready!' guy. One night at the Dugout Inn Vadim made the off shoulder comment that he has become Nate.

And didn't that comment stick to him like ugly to a feral ghoul. He had been trying so fu- damn hard to forget about it, to forget about the crushing guilt and shame of what he did but in a few words it all caught up to him.

That night he laid away in bed, haunted by Nate's ghost again. He refused to acknowledge it but learning to sleep without Nate's breathing was harder than he would like to admit. In the shadows of the room he could still see Nate... Talking to him, smiling, singing, laughing...

He really thought of Vadim's words and realised... He wouldn't have done that before meeting Nate. Nate changed him...helped him become a father worthy of Duncan, a man worthy of friends...he saved him from himself.

He was doing this because this is what Nate would've done if he were here, and Mac would've grumblingly accompanied him as he always did. So in a way, he's not doing anything new. Nate was someone who gave his heart and soul to these people. Maybe in some way, this is how Mac can atone for hurting him though helping those he cared about.

He made a promise to himself that night to do just that. To be the man Nate saw in him.

Things changed from there on. He offered to help instead of hiding until they found him and begged for help. He gave his free time to give shooting lessons to the security. He learned everyone's names and asked them how they've been.

It felt...weird. But good weird. Like your body being sore in a good way the day after vigorous training.

However, with thinking 'what would Nate do', he also let down the high walls of denial and ignorance. Thoughts of the man we're almost always in his conscious mind.

A shotgun mod he would like, something he would find funny, someone he would steal and kill for, and someone he would steal from.

The most powerful of all, however, was the single memory he had kept in a steel box. Memory of looking down at Nate's wet eyes and broken smile, blood on his lips and no air in his lungs as he told Mac he loved him, that it was his only wish when they both thought this was the end.

Knowing that, he started to see some of their other best memories in a different light. He realizes that the soft way Nate looked at him was different from how he looked at others. He sees Nate's favouritism towards him for what it was. He remembers how Nate would lose it if Mac got hurt in a fight, how he threw himself at enemies who had their sights on the Merc, and how he always gave him a stim first.

Mac had thought Nate was just a stupidly selfless guy who needed to him or the world would take Advantage of his good heart. But no...it was because Mac was special.

He remembers thing now. The way Nate would blush if Mac touched his neck or hand to get his attention. How Nate got quiet around Cait and Piper, not because he had a crush on them, but because Mac did (only for a bit though, those ladies are a little scary). How deeply, deeply angry and upset Nate was when he told him how Barnes had treated him in the Gunners and how he got the nickname 'the Merc with the mouth'.

As his memories of Nate start to change, so does his own heart. His own pain blinded him in homophobia, and it took time to not look at a gay couple and wonder which one is being taken advantage of.

It was three months after they moved to Diamond City that he realised...be missed Nate. Deeply. Profoundly. His voice, his scent, his smile, and his presence. And for the upteenth time he wondered where the man was and if he was okay.

Then a message came. From Preston. Covenant needed help with their broken turrets and only Mac and Nate knows how to fix those. The message sounds hopeful, but Mac reads it in Preston's voice that was as cold as the morning he bid them farewell. His eyes just as judgemental, like he knows Mac will say no.

Old Mac would've drawn him a middle finger and sent it back. But new and improved Mac? 'WWND' Mac? He helps.

Piper and little Nat is happy to have Duncan stay with them. Nat had taken her imagined role as older sister of Duncan very seriously, walking him to school and helping him with homework too.

So Mac falls into a comfortable old habit of packing for a mission with Nate, just without him this time. But all the same, for him. This time, slapping the spare PipBoy Nate got him to his wrist.

He stops by Covenant, fixes their turrets without asking for caps much to their surprise. So they spoil him they can - with Deezer lemonade, preserved cigarettes, and vegetables.

After some thought, be heads up to Kingsport Lighthouse. They've been having difficulty settling, and only had corn. They were just as stunned to see him, looking over his shoulder for Nate.

They were overjoyed for the variety of seeds. Mac was quick to spot the weak points in their defenses from being major and working with Nate - and helped them fortify their place. By the end of the week, three more settlers joined.

When the lunatics of Crater House sent 'missionaries' to warn them to leave, Mac had a better idea.

A quick trip to the Slog and he came back with Strong and some heavily armed ghouls. They made quick work of wiping out fanatics' base, and Strong buried the radiation drums in the middle for good measure, just because he likes 'Mac-ree-dee'. That and Mac told him this is how you get milk of human kindness - you hurt bad guys, and help good guys.

Somehow word must've gotten back to Nate's companions of the work he's been doing, because just as he left Kingsport and accompanied the bunch back to the Slog, a Deacon found him with a messaged.

There's an updated on Nate. Valentine requested his companions to come to Sanctuary to discuss it.

MacCready's Biggest Mistake

Part 1

MacCready was Nate's shadow - that much everyone knew. Where you see the one the other wasn't far. You'd think the Merc was the one clinging to the walking legend that is the general of the minute men and notorious 'vault dweller', but try to split them up and see what happens.

"Mac is with me. That is not up for debate." Nate's eyes, usually so kind and friendly, had steel and fire in them when Danse insisted he alone accompany Nate on the brotherhood mission. "If he isn't welcome then neither am I, Paladin."

It was Nate who - when push came to shove - bared his teeth possessively when someone tried to hire or take Mac from him. So for the past 6months whatever mission or job or wander Nate was one, and whoever he was doing it with or for, Mac had his back.

In Sanctuary Nate had taken two weeks to build homes for his companions with three sharing a living room. Piper, Curie, and Cait in one - Valentine, Danse, and Preston in another - Strong, Dogmeat, and Deacon in the last (Dee asked to room with them as neither slept indoors so the spy actually had the entire house to himself and his wardrobe). At the end of the street, however, stood a two story building with a workshop with displays downstairs, and a stairway up to a huge shared bedroom overlooking the valley, carefully designed with floor to ceiling glass windows high enough to not see into On the one end of the floor stood a comfy couch and armchairs with magazine stands, the corner had a desk and shelves with a scatter of mementos, Mac's ammo and pictures drawn by a child's hand, and Nate's Minutemem and Brotherhood holotapes and paperwork. In the centre a huge soft bed and one big chest of drawers. If you didn't know Mac you'd think this could be a commonwealth couple's dream home - but the Merc was as straight as a rifle.

That being said, their friends noted the way Nate would flinch and busy himself with his PipBoy whenever Mac flirted with Piper or Cait. They kept it to themselves but didn't miss the way Nate's eyes softened when Mac got excited over a new comic, a new gun, or letter from Duncan. Nate was smitten, but only his closest friends could tell and they respected the man too much to say anything. With all the pain he had lived through, if the Merc made him happy so be it.

Till it wasn't a secret anymore.

"No... Please, no!" Mac pleaded as he tried to staunch the bleeding. "Help is coming, Nate. You need to hold on!" Blood, so much of it. "FUCK! What is taking them so long!"

They were close enough to Sanctuary to see the the distant lights when not one but two Deathclaws jumped them. A mating pair. They'd put up a good fight, but their supplies were low, planning to restock at home.

Mac put a hole in the one beast's head when the other got a lucky swipe at his back. He cried out in pain and dropped his gun. The last thing he heard was Nate's desperate cry, distantly thinking he's never heard him like that. His best friend and he's never heard that rage and despair in his voice.

Then he felt the familiar sting and 'pissht' of a stimpack he knew was their last.

When he came to a few moments later once the stim did it's job knitting his back closed, he turned to see two downed Deathclaws, and a limp bloodied body between them. In the neck of one beast was Nate's modded shotgun, the blade of it's muzzle embedded in it's throat with enough force to break the stock.

Nate's PipBoy had been equipped with an emergency distress pulse that would alert Minutemen to their location. Mac activated it before he was even on his knees.

So here he was, pleading with every god he could think of to keep Nate alive till help arrived with stims and medical supplies. "C'mon Nate," he croaked through the tears choking him. "I need you. Don't leave me alone, please. Please!"

Nate's eyes fluttered open with a groan as Mac ripped off his scarf and pressed down on the hole in his stomach to staunch the bleeding. His hands, scarf, and the ground beneath his knees now the same shade of dark, wet red. "Hey.." Nate whispered, clearly trying to comfort Mac, and didn't that just make him start sobbing harder.

"Shh, don't speak. Just stay with me, okay? You need to promise you won't leave me!"

Nate gave a weak smile, a trickle of blood on his lips. "Wish I could... Stay forever.. but I think this is it for me, Bobby."

"No no no no, don't you call me that now!" Mac cried out, somewhere between anger and affection. "You only call me that when you want something or feel you need to comfort me! Now is not the time for either!"

Nate smiled, a laugh broke into a cough and more blood painted his lips. "Im sorry Mac. I'm...coward. Never even...got to tell you...how much I love you..."

Mac paused for a moment, his heart skipped and clenched painfully till the reminded himself where he is. "I love you too buddy, but you need to pull through so I can tease you about it okay?" He sniffled.

Nate was flagging. In the distance Mac could heard Preston and Cait calling. "WE'RE OVER HERE!! HURRY!!" He called. "They're here, Nate. You're gonna be okay."

Nate shook his head, eyes fluttering closed. "Love you, Mac... Wish...I told you.."

When Nate opened his eyes it wasn't to MacCready's beautiful blue ones, but to Curie sighing in relief and muttering something that sounded like a curse in French. "Monsieur Preston! He has awoken!"

Preston's face appeared above him with a rushed scuffle of footsteps. "General! You had us terrified there!"

"where-" was all he could croak.

"You're at the RedRocket. You were gone... But Curie managed to bring you back with a pulse of a Zeta gun and 5 stimpacks. So take it easy."

The first clear thought in Nate's mind was "Mac?"

"He's fine," Hancock responded and joined their little peanut gallery next to his bedroll. "Just shook up. I called him but he's outside pacing around. Sure he'll be happy to see you."

Against Curie's advice Nate slowly sat up and stumbled to his feet. He needed to see for himself - see that MacCready was whole and alive before he could really allow himself to breathe.

Hancock helped him limp outside where he insisted he could walk (stumble) on his own over to where he could see Mac leaning against the milk machine.

He really was alive. Nate smiled and limped to him, "you're okay." He said with such relief his eyes teared up.

But the look MacCready gave him instead left ice down his spined. Mac looked at him with an expression of fear, distrust, and disgust. Nate had only seen that expression one before when he stood before Barnes and Winlock. The night he put a bullet in their heads Mac had broke down and told Nate of the 'sick' things they made him do, how they used him for their own pleasure till he managed to escape.

(That was also the night Nate swore to himself he would never, ever make a move on MacCready.)

But here stood the Merc looking at Nate like he was one of those men who used and abused him. Nate had to take a moment to swallow down the irrational tears that now threatened for a different reason as he wracked his brain for why, what did he do!

"Bobby, what's wrong?" He took a cautious step forward but froze when Mac flinched and backed into the shadows a bit.

"Don't call me that."

His words triggered the memory. He called Mac Bobby, he was begging him to stay with him...and he told Mac he loved him.

"...I'm sorry." Was the only words Nate could get out.

MacCready tossed his cigarette to the grown and sneered. "Whatever." With that he walked into the darkness towards Sanctuary.

Nate felt like he couldn't breathe. Tears rolled silently down his cheeks, cooling on his neck where his pulse was hammering. A pain sharper than any he had ever felt - be it bullet, knife, or betrayal - laced through his chest with enough force that his legs gave out.

Of all people, Deacon appeared out of nowhere to catch him. The spy said nothing as he helped Nate to the dirt and held him as quiet sobs shook his broad shoulders. He quietly held him close, angling his head to his cries were muffled against his shirt. He then silently helped Nate to the nearest sleeping bag in one of the little shacks that lined the fence around the settlement, getting up to inform the others that their fearless leader was sleeping and to not bother him.

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nuka-nasty · 9 months

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Part 3

MacCready wakes up to a throbbing headache, eyes still aching from the angry tears he shed and head pounding from the hangover.

After Nate all but disappeared last night he rushed with Duncan over to Curie. Preston and Piper considered going after Nate but Mac cut them off saying to just get everyone back in their homes the show is over.

In Curie's little clinic she checked him over while the boy was completely silent. He sat still and only flinched when she touched his swollen ankle, even as tears spilled over his ruddy checks.

Mac was pacing up and down, pulling out his hear. He rambled to himself about how he couldn't believe what just happened, and demanding Curie tell him Duncan is going to be okay. But it was still like he was under water. It was all just too much.

Then Hancock was next to him and popped something in his mouth. He swallowed to avoid choking. The last thing he saw was Hancock's sad smile saying 'hate me later but this is for your own good right now. Night, MacCready.'

Duncan! He's up with his coat on and down the stairs in a flash but sighs in relief. Duncan is seated on his bed, right as rain. He is smiling as Cait tells him about the biggest rat she ever found and had to fight. Deacon, of all people, is pretending to be the rat for the sake of the reenactment.

"Monsieur MacCready," Curie appears next to him. "A word?"

He nods and steps outside with her. "Is he okay?"

"Little Duncan is perfect. He had a bruised throat from strangulation and a sprained ankle, but a stimpack, some ice, and voila."

MacCready clenches his fist as more of the night returns to him. Curie notices and frowns.

"If I may," he slowly adds. "I gently asked little Duncan what happened. He shook his head and refused to say. I asked again this morning and he just said he doesn't want more fighting. Please, try talking to him before making any conclusions, oui?"

Mac's fists say clenched and he doesn't look at her but he nods.

She sighs and collects her medicine bag. On her way out she stops. "For what it worth, I have never known monsieur Nate to be a man capable of cruelty. All I'm asking is... Listen." She leaves before he can respond.

But Duncan doesn't bring it up and MacCready can't make himself ask. The boy is clearly still rattled. The two spend the day together in the house reading comics. Just after lunch, however, Duncan takes a nap to catch up on some lost sleep.

With nothing keeping him in the house he supposed he needs to leave.

He puts on his coat and pulls his hat down low. The snippets he remembers form the drunken fury the night before includes spectators, if he's not mistaken.

Then there's the one thing he's been trying his hardest to ignore all day.

Nate's hand.

Mac is a good shot. Even blind drunk he beat the best sharp shooter the Gunners bad on distant and moving targets. He knows he hit Nats in the centre of his right hand.... His dominant hand.

His heart wrestles with feelings of guilt and anger but at Curie's words... Now also uncertainty.

He gets a few looks and hears whispers as he goes, but ignores them. He's late for lunch so he sits by himself, trying to focus on the food.

Deacon, the damn stealthy spy, drops into the seat across.

They stare in silence at each other, Mac only seeing his own shitty reflection in Deacon's glasses. He breaks first. "What do you want, Deacon."

Deacon reaches into his pocket and puts a holotape on the table, pushing it over to MacCready.

He doesn't wait for response, just ups and leaves. Mac let's him go, staring at the holotape.

"it's from our mutual friend. Gave it to me this morning before dawn on his way out. He said to wait 'till you're ready' to give you this, but know what? I'm in the business of saving synths, wigs, and 200 year old defrosted hunks - not feelings. Deacon, out."

"Hey Mac," Nate's voice is different, but still the familiarity of it comforts something raw in MacCready's chest. He's alone in his room... their room. He had stuck it into a spare PipBoy Nate got for him from Vault 81 to play games on.

"By the time you hear this I'll be far away. Possibly not even in the common wealth anymore. I... I didn't want to split the way things ended last night. So I got two final things to say. I know you'll think I'm being unfair but... Well. Guess I am.

First - if you don't believe a word I ever said I bed you to believe this - I would never hurt you or Duncan on purpose. I would die before I let anything happen to you two.

Second... In the little green box under my desk is a key with a bottle cap chain. It's for Home Plate, in Diamond City. It's yours. I've had Piper and Nick help me over the last few weeks to set it up. It was supposed to be a surprise for your birthday. I wanted you to have a place you and Duncan could call only yours. I've also already spoken to the school and they're very excited at the idea of a new student. I think Duncan might like it. ... Listen, the place is already in your name, but if you don't want it - sell it.

You won't have to see me again. If I do return, I'll stay out of Diamond City.

Be happy. Please."

The PipBoy dropped from his hands.

"Oh no..."

A chill ran down his spine, the chest felt tight.

He slowly approached the desk in the corner of their room. Under the desk, hidden, was a little green box. He pulled it out and opened it up.

Inside was a key with a bottlecap chain. A note stuck to it had a terrible doodle of a cake with rifle bullets for candles. "Happy Birthday Bobby!"

In a single motion he got up and darted down to Duncan's room. He hated to wake his boy but he needed to know.

He kneeled next to the little bed and squeezed Duncan's hand, watching as the boy's eyes fluttered open.

"Dad?"

"Duncan, I know you don't want to talk about it but I promise I won't be angry no matter what you say, okay? Dad will always love you. Got it?"

Duncan nodded and sat up, rubbing his eyes but realizing this is an important talk.

"When... When you were with uncle Nate, when you got hurt.. what exactly happened?"

Duncan looked nervous and Mac took both his hands and spoke softly. "Please. It's important."

Then Duncan told him what really happened.

MacCready had made the worst mistake of his life.

He had been happy for the first time in his life. And he destroyed it with his own hands.

That night, alone in a bed that is too big in a room that is too cold, Mac cried. He has no real recollection of crying, always to busy trying to stay alive, just pushed through it and didn't show weakness.

He sobbed into Nate's pillow, apologizing over and over to the ghost of his best friend who wasn't his shadow anymore.