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rreids · 15 days

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OUT OF IT • A. HOTCHNER X READER

sad aaron; angst; fluff (only in his memories, the italicized sections); mentions of marriage; nonspecific case details; pet names; kissing; low self-worth implied on his end; insecurities; no happy ending; ~1.5k please listen to and / or read the lyrics to merry bad ending by the boyz and someone new by hozier. imagine hozier sadder, please.

Aaron is distracted.

He knows as much, and he feels sorry to his team every time it happens. He can’t help it, though. Whenever there’s a lull in the action, the ease of tension in a high-stakes case, his mind wanders.

Memories of soft skin and nicely scented hair, scratchy clothes falling to the ground. Of more innocent moments too, dates on beaches late at night — like you’re college kids again, feet sinking in wet sand and laughing under the moonlight between stolen kisses and whispered words.

‘Aaron,’ your whispered voice mumbles, and he feels you trace your fingers over his jawline. ‘Pay attention, gorgeous,’

“Hotch!” He snaps out of it to Morgan’s voice. “Man, what’s going on with you?”

He clears his throat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t sleep well.” That’s the lie he tells most often now. When he’s asleep, he’s the calmest and happiest he’s been in months. “What’s happening?”

“We’re ready for the profile. Gonna sit this one out?”

Aaron sighs. “Maybe. I don’t think I’ll be much help to the team.”

Derek studies him, jaw tensing for a few moments as he thinks. “Come back when you’re ready, Hotch. Team needs you.”

He nods.

He finds himself sitting in a room with the case files, reading aimlessly over the same sentences as his mind wanders again.

‘Aaron!’ Your voice squeals, light and happy. Your giggles break up your words, and he grins against the skin of your neck where he peppers wet kisses. ‘It tickles!’

‘Shh,’ he coos, tracing his fingers up and down your side. You squirm under the feather-light touch, body shaking with laughs even as they become silent. ‘Do you want me to stop?’

You lean back and sit up slightly as he trails his fingers over your spine. ‘If you don’t kiss me, right now, I’m going to scream.’

Aaron chuckles and leans up to kiss you, sweet and gentle, lips slightly chapped as they meld to yours.

‘Baby, baby,’ you pull back after a few minutes, having only pulled back enough to breathe. ‘It’s late. You have work.’

‘Mm, wanna keep kissing you,’ he shakes his head, nose rubbing against yours. ‘Sweeter than anything that happens at work,’

‘Well, you do work for the FBI,’ you laugh, kissing his nose and smiling as his whole face scrunches up at the sensation. ‘C’mon. Bed with you.’

‘You’re not coming?’

‘‘Course I am, but I need to get ready separate from you. You can’t keep your hands to yourself.’

‘I’m not handsy.’ Aaron sulks.

‘Yeah, you are,’ you laugh and fully climb off, ignoring the forlorn look he gives you. ‘Go on, go brush your teeth. I’ll be in in a bit.’

The weight of missing you crushes him. The only moments he can breathe are the moments when he pictures the softness of your skin and your lips, the sweetness of your smile and the sound of his name on your tongue, the moments he pictures you next to him.

It’s agonizing, to have his heart stutter — not from you surprising and flustering him, but from the pain of realizing you’re gone —, to have his breathing hitch out from sobs as he realizes how much he ruined it all.

He blinks back the sting of tears and focuses on the case file.

There were women missing. Not missing like you, in the way that he made too many mistakes and you chose happiness, but missing in a way that their lives hung in the balance.

He had to find them. He couldn’t let more people down.

.°. ݁₊ . ݁ ⁺₊

When the case ends — with no more bodies, and Aaron can’t even recreate the sigh of relief he let out when they caught him and freed the hostages —, his home is too empty.

Silent.

There’s no chatter of the shows you like to watch, too quiet for him to make out words — you hated to disturb him, and would always have it so low you could barely hear it —, no smell of the dinner you’d cooked hours before, no you waiting on the couch to throw yourself into his arms with a grin.

‘Baby!’ Your voice is practically a squeal, excited and almost overly giddy. ‘You’re back,’

His arms catch and wrap around your waist before he can even consciously realize you’re against him. ‘Hi, gorgeous,’ he whispers, feathering a kiss to your hairline. ‘Wanna tell me what’s got you so excited?’

‘Well…’ you begin, pulling him to the couch with you.

He hangs onto every word, he knows he did, but his memory of this moment hones in on something else as your sweet voice washes over him in his waves.

Your clothing, the way it rests on your curves, the dottings of scars from where you struggled with acne as a teen — scars you’d hidden when you first started dating, ashamed to show him your face without makeup, scars he adored and kissed, markings he’d called angel kisses whenever they upset you —, the tired curve of your shoulders that he knows now is from more than just work.

It’s from him.

He exhausted you, tapped into your sunshine and joy so much you had none left for yourself. More than anything, he regrets not being able to make you happy. You’d given and given and given until you had nothing left for either of you, and all Aaron knew how to do was take.

There’s a tremble — a quiver, even — to his face muscles. He realizes, belatedly, he’s sobbing in his doorway, and he locks the door as he stumbles to his bedroom.

He closes his eyes, letting the tears roll down his face, warm, salty, awful.

He knows he should be over it.

But he’s not. He wishes he was, for both of your sakes, but he can’t stop crying. Missing you.

Everything aches.

“God, __, what did I do?”

.°. ݁₊ . ݁ ⁺₊

He wishes it were different. That he was.

Aaron makes it through two more cases before another breakdown.

The case was in Las Vegas, and everyone went out to drink or gamble (with the exception of Reid, who was banned from casinos and wanted to visit his mom, anyways). And Aaron was sitting alone in his hotel room, blanket wrapped around his body, knees drawn to his chest.

It hurts. To think of you. But he can’t stop.

Aaron thought he was going to marry you.

He had that thought often, whenever the fondness overtook him — his heart would swell with love, and he would look at you, practically with cartoon hearts in his eyes, certain he would have a forever with you.

Today was one of those days.

You’re dressed in his boxers and an old sweater of his, the definition of domestic beauty, hair a mess, eyes and face puffy from sleep, squinting at him over the edge of your coffee cup.

‘You look too pretty for seven a.m.,’

‘Morning to you too, my love,’ he whispers, pulling you into a kiss briefly. ‘Want breakfast?’

‘Are you cooking?’

‘As long as you supervise,’ it’s teasing, but there’s a hint of truth to it (you don’t trust him alone in the kitchen you made all nice and picked the appliances for, unless he’s using the microwave or getting a snack). ‘Sound good?’

‘Sounds perfect.’

He makes eggs and pancakes, and rolls his eyes as he fights down a smile when you wolf-whistle at him for rolling up his shirt sleeves to keep them out of the batter’s way.

When he serves it, he refills your coffee.

You kiss him as he places it down, and he’s glad his hand was already to the table because he would’ve dropped it in his urgency to cup your cheek.

His face is burning.

‘What was that for?’

‘I can’t kiss my husband?’

His face burns hotter. ‘Husband?’

‘Well, one day? Or no?’ You pout at that and he coughs, choking on air.

‘Yeah,’ his voice is a little strained, but he’s grinning. ‘That’s the plan.’

That plan never came around.

The ring still sits in his dresser drawer, beautiful, the velvet box collecting dust.

His call goes to voicemail — one he helped you come up with — “Sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now! I’m too busy being in love with everyone and everything. Catch you when I can.”

It was always too whimsical for him, but it was you, and that made it right. You were full of whimsy before his work took its toll on you both.

You fell in love with everyone and everything.

But you fell out of it with him.

who cheered for my first full sad work ??? (she says when there is still sections of fluff. but they are intentional to make it hurt more. i hope) thoughts welcome <3

tagging: @hotchfiles @lover-of-books-and-tea

#my works #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner oneshot #aaron hotchner scenario #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner angst #aaron hotchner fluff #<- the fluff is only in memories aaron is miserable. fair warning

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sorrowfulrosebud · 5 months

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Melanie and Verde’s relationship got me thinking about Idol! Reader and Photographer! Bakugou.

You’re up on the stage, white hot lights pouring on your face as you belt the lyrics to the song you and your boyfriend wrote together. You dance and hop around the stage, feeling the music so intensely that you wished this moment could never end. Your face is all beams and smiles as your backup dancers weave their bodies around you, complimenting your own performance.

Katsuki was circling the stage with his expensive camera, paying no attention to the screaming fans behind him demanding his attention. He was focused on shooting you in the most flattering lights, trying to get the best shots for your new article coming up.

He can’t help the little smile as you beam at him with a wide grin. You dance a little closer to the stage, making sure to lock eye contact as you sing the ending lyrics to your love song. Your fans cheer and scream for you both, Katsuki getting some attention of his own since you posted a cheeky photo of you smushing ice cream into his face.

You wave goodbye to your fans, bidding them a safe trip home as you skip off stage, giddily trotting to your dressing room. Katsuki is already sat on the couch flicking through the camera film, already deciding which ones to post for your official Instagram story.

“Hi baby, what did you think of the show tonight?” You ask happily, grabbing some comfy clothes and changing behind your screen. Katsuki looks up.

“An incredible job again, siren. Got some real good shoots here. Lighting didn’t fuck it up too much, so they must have got a new person workin’ ‘em. Good thing too, Sparkle Bitch was too flamboyant and made you glare,” he listed off, saving some of the most powerful photos.

“But as my boyfriend, how did I do?” You ask him as you come round the screen, hair tied up as you plonk yourself on to the couch. Katsuki places his camera down and grabs you by the waist, making you squeal as he sits you on his lap. His lips lock with yours as you squeak, slowly melting into the kiss.

“You were so fucking amazing, baby. Absolutely fuckin’ perfect,” he murmurs lowly. Your eyes widen at his (not so) little friend bumping against you as you kiss him again and get off his lap.

“You perv, not now! I’m gonna go get in the shower. I’m sweaty from the lights and the costume and I’m parched,” you laugh, already stripping for the shower.

“If you’re thirsty, my number one fan has something for ya!” He cackled as you flipped him the bird. He shook his head fondly, before sending the photos from the camera to his phone.

The next day, the highlights from your performance were plastered on your Instagram. Thousands of likes and comments poured through, some commending the show, some being thirsty, but you didn’t care. You adored your fans.

What you didn’t know however was the photos that had your biggest smiles, the smiles where your nose was scrunched in pure glee. Your dimples made gentle fingerprints in your face, in the same places he fondly holds you. The smile that makes him go weak in the knees, one that should only be his. Those photos were his to keep.

So unless you were to go into his Cloud Drive, you would never see the secret folder he has of your best moments and cutest memories.

#🥀 rambles #bnha x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou #bakugou fluff #bakugou x reader fluff #katsuki bakugou fluff #bnha x reader fluff #mha x reader fluff

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bloodyminyard · 24 days

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a (long) comprehensive list of buck related things in 7x04 that have me losing it as i rewatch:

- the stupid starry eyed look he has while getting the tour from tommy

- the terrible “i need mo jo” joke that tommy laughs at purely bc it was endearing

- “you didn’t call me because you wanted to see the toys”

- “you need to raise your bar kid” my GOD the “kid��

- ofc, the “no way!! eddie was in the army!”

- god they are so FLIRTY “really?” “my fees are competitive” “let me buy you a beer no WAY buck is this clueless

- eddie being so excited about the fight, and specifically the idea of buck joining help

- “keeping my options fluid” SIR

- evan?!?!?!????

- the close up shot as the fly off my heart

- the look on bucks face when eddie talks about tommy, boy is devastated

- “i saved a baby in a pipe once!” yes you did were so proud

- not buck related: but i adore ravi so much

- OKAY BUT BUCKS STUTTER !! they way he trips over his words when he’s surprised or nervous or even upset 😭

- “i do. i really do.” MY GOD OH MY GOD FUCK ASHHH AHHH

- and the SIGH after as eddie walks away, the building up the courage to ask more

- THE SAY HIS FACE DROPS WHEN EDDIE ASKS HIM TO WATCH CHRIS OHHH EDMUNDO WHEN I CATCH YOU

- “i keep saying, chris it’s not a video game” “because it’s harder than a video game???” maddie i see you and am so sorry you have to deal with this

- SAME WITH “he’s made an impression in a very short time” “i can see that” LIKE SHE IS SO NOT GONNA BE SURPRISED WHEN BUCK COMES OUT TO HER 😭

- “i don’t think you lie to a child just to ingratiate yourself” bro it’s not that serious i promise

- sorry brb imagining buck asking chris all these questions about tommy and chris going 🤔🤔🤔

- buck being upset that eddie invited tommy to play basketball even though eddie always asks him and he says no bc he doesn’t like it… he’s so me i can’t

- “was there a heart around it?” there might as well been maddie!!!

- peacocking buck we love and hate to see (it’s so embarrassing i have to close my eyes. “maybe we should hoop” sir please stop)

- the pouting OLEASE he’s so

- his smile

- the “evan” throws me off every TIME but also it kindaaaaa

- “what are the odds?” bro chill

- the smile when tommy fists bumps him oh i see you gay boy even if you don’t yet

- “so i’m your basketball beard” brother you don’t even KNOW

- i’m sorry the song that’s playing while they play basketball is “playing with the boys”🤔🤔… the lyrics too “i don’t wanna be obsessed but my desire with the boys” (and YES i am aware it’s a top gun reference, however that movie is also gay is hell and so is this song, moving on)

- tommy cocking his head when buck runs into him like oh my

- poor chim does not deserve to be put in the middle of all of this

- “well you bucked that up didn’t you” :(

- okay this scene between maddie and buck afterwards is actually so important to me, i love their ability to communicate, and how buck openly admits that he doesn’t know if he meant to hurt eddie or not, and that he was angry and lashed out, and maddie’s reaction to it :( “that’s not how you get someone’s attention”

- “i guess i was trying to get his attention” buck is the representative of the “i don’t know why i do the things i do until tons of self reflection after the fact” club, same im the president actually

- i do love that we get to watch him try and figure out why he acts and feels the way he does in real time! even at the end he still doesn’t entirely know until tommy is in his face staring at his lips

- the stutter is back 🫶

- “evan…” STOP THE WAY HE SAYS IT THAT TIME MAKES ME GIGGLE I CANT

- this entire scene drives me crazy btw i can literally pick it apart piece by piece… but the way he smiles throughout it makes my heart go akrjeidjdjsjd

- the chemistry is fucking IMMACULATE btw!! the flirting is so natural and it shows through buck being oblivious about it!! like brother no one stands that close to each other

- buck figuring out how he feels AS he speaks!!! poor boy is trying to catch up as fast as he can

- everything about the “okay” after tommy says “i can teach you”… the smile, the eye squint, the head tilt, like oh my GOD

- the way the tone changes when buck says “good” my GOD, the way his face drops as he comes to the realization that maybe it was about tommy the whole time

- the “cause trying to get your attention has been kinda exhausting” punches me in the gut EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS LIKE FUCK OH MY GOD BUCK LIKES MEN FR? and the way he says it GOD, like i said, he’s literally figuring this out as the words come out of his mouth (“i guess so”)

- okay my ONE nitpick about the kiss scene is that tommy grabs his chin, and then when it cuts it’s the two fingers under the chin, it’s inconsistent and i think i like the chin grab better

- the absolute STUNNED look in bucks eyes after the kiss!!! as the perfect oliver stark put it: he’s found something he’s been missing for a long time

- tommy is so worried in the split second before buck tells him that it was okay

- the wordless nod after tommy asks if it was okay THIS MEANS SO MYCH TO ME

- you can FEEL the sense of relief and wholeness radiating off of buck

- “better than fake mouth static” AKSHSISHS

- his eyes following tommy’s lips as he laughs, and then the brief look down like his whole WORLD has just been turned upside down before tommy speaks again

- i am so fucking here for buck being asked out and being stunned by it

- the stutter again 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

- tommy’s smile as he leaves like tee hee ur kinda cute

- the entire of his expressions at the end. there’s panic, there’s confusion, there’s happiness OLIVER STARK THE MAN THAT YOU ARE !!!!

in conclusion: this is everything i wanted and more, the brain rot is everywhere, i cannot escape this episode

#911 abc #bi evan buckley #evan buckley #tommy kinard #y’all this was just an excuse to get out every thought i had surrounding this in a controlled way #that last scene will live in my brain forever

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cindylcuwho · 1 month

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¡ purely nonsense, chapter two ♥︎ !

“ ⭒.‧ i don’t even know , i’m talking nonsense ‧. ⭒ “

prologue , 01 — more to come 🥥

* ⋆ . · ⋆ y/n flipped the pages of her baby pink notebook, a red pen scribbling out poor made stars against the pages filled with songs she felt fit.

the album for the most part had been finished, with only ten tracks in the talks of being added. the finished song files collected dust in her laptop as they sat waiting for the day the public could hear it.

the expected tracklist post was yet to be on all platforms, or to even be made, but she still teased at some lyrics for fans to obsess and speculate over. countless of theories were being dogpiled on if the dropped lines were about a specific person, or if they were just made up in the heat of a moment.

y/n sat against her headboard of her bed. her skin glowed under the haziness of the lamp next to her as she flipped through the pages of her notebook.

a red pen that sat in her left hand moved swiftly, scribbling out poorly made doodles against the pages filled with songs she felt fit perfectly on the upcoming album.

no longer feeling as productive as she was, y/n hooked her legs to the edge of the bed and stood, stretching her arms out. she was bedsided all day, hunched over her side doing whatever to keep her busy and from getting up.

y/n looked down at the notebook, before closing and stuffing it farth beneath her pillow and. her phone from its rested charging position on her nightstand and walked to the kitchen.

there wasn’t much food in the apartment, she rarely felt the urge to cook something that wouldn’t take under twenty minutes and it was only her living there- hence why the cabinets were filled with only quick on the go snacks.

as she snacked on a small container of pringles, her mind wandered back to the uneasy thought of chris. it was weird, she barely knew anything about him other than the persona he displays on the shared channel, yet she was overthinking what he said about her on the podcast he had with his brothers.

maybe he wasn’t as much of a fan as he thought, most fans would instantly reply if they saw her message, but then again y/n felt that she didn’t have a right to be mad. many people before him had used her name for some seven minutes of fame, and he wouldn’t be the last.

with a burdening sigh, she pulled out her phone and opened instagram. she didn’t want to push this problem away, this time she was gonna see what was up.

swiping to her messages she clicked on chris’s messages. just as her fingers were about to type she came to the worst realization ever; she left him on read. not the other way around.

‘oh god’ she thought, ‘i’m the worst person ever’. the queasy feeling of shame and embarrassment filled her stomach as she stared at his old message.

‘ 3 weeks ago ‘ y/n clicked the button on the right side, turning her phone off. she frowned at her reflection. did it really take her that long to realize? she spent the few weeks busy out of her mind, yet she still had enough time to complain about chris’s wrong doing to her friends- yet it was her who was wrong in the end.

‘maybe i can fix this?’ y/n went back to their messages. she deeply wanted to apologize to him, being left on by someone he looked up to was probably hurtful, but maybe he’d give her the same treatment she gave him.

she couldn’t help but to keep thinking about it until it was the only thing she could do. y/n left the rest of the pringles to grow stale on her counter and went back to her room.

she was already laying back down. the guilt was already so heavy, she could barely lift herself up. y/n swiped through her contacts before calling the only person who would know what she’s talking about

“mad, i did the worst thing i think i can do as a person.” y/n whispered. she heard a door shut before the a voice piped up, “unless you dropped a vending machine on someone it couldn’t be that bad.”

. ⭒ ☆ ━ ☆ ⭒ .

@ y/nsmusical

@ — why are forks fucking everywhere ???

──────────────────

@ lorena : i’m scared to ask how you even found the image of a fork ↳ @ y/nsmusical : you don’t wanna know how deep my search history is 🙂

@ fan123 : the NAILSSSSSS

@ jshwmis : we need a pop rock album next ms queen

@ billieeilish : do you float still or no? ↳ @ y/nsmusical : i used to know yk but idrk now

@ chrissgirl : OHMYGOD NICK LIKED ↳ @ ynsbaby : who’s nick?

@ christophersturniolo : new music finally

@ taylorswift : oh my baby ↳ @ y/nsmusical : oh my mommy

@ matthewsturniolo : everybody moved on but i stayed there *shows exhale being my most repeated song* im just a girl 😔 ↳ @ y/nsmusical : IM CRYING ↳ @ mattstoothpaste : “i’m just a girl” *said by a twenty yr old straight white male*

@ madisonbeer: party girl 🎉🎉 ↳ @ y/nsmusical : jus my girl 🎉🎉

@ christophersturniolo: ready for you to be my # 1 artist 20 years in a row 😇😇 ↳ @ y/nsmusical : most iconic duo tbh

view more comments ..

. ⭒ ☆ ━ ☆ ⭒ .

“babe, you have to come!” the sweet voice belonging to madison echoed from the phones speaker. y/n was still in the same position she was two hours ago laying on her bed.

all the brunette could hear was occasional shuffling and the constant clacking of y/ns laptop as she typed out pure nonsense in a google doc. “y/n, cmon.” she begged.

madison was planning to throw a party tonight. it wasn’t for anything big, she viewed it as a ‘get to know each other’ type thing for all the friends she made in L.A. and almost everybody invited RSVP’d, besides y/n but she was always figured as a show up.

normally, y/n would’ve loved to go out and have fun meeting new friends, but tonight she was too busy stuck in her angsty feelings over her recent discovery to even think of going to any type of party.

“maddi, i love you, but i wanna stay home.” she whined out. madison let out a dramatic huff, not ready to give up. after a couple minutes of nonsensical back and forth, she suddenly remembered who she had invited, knowing the mention might be the push to send y/n over the edge.

“what if i said chris was gonna be going?” y/n’s breath hitched. her fingers were hovering over the keyboards keys as she processed the undertones in her friends words. “which chris?” she hesitantly asked.

with, or even without madisons silence, y/n already knew which one she was talking about.

she threw her head back on her pillow. y/n was anything but ready to face chris after the accidental mishaps. “pleasee, it’ll be so fun!” madison pleaded.

the blonde sighed at her friend. it was only one party, one night, and there’d be plenty of people there that the chances of even seeing chris or his lookalikes would be unlikely.

y/n grabbed ahold of her phone as she stood, already walking to the closet. “if it gets boring after 30 minutes, i’m leaving.” she decided.

madison cheered into the microphone, quickly getting over the sad act she was putting up, “deal!! i’ll see you there, party girl.”

y/n let out a sigh when she heard the ‘click’ signaling the end of the call. ‘only thirty minutes’ she thought. y/n had to keep repeating mental reminders as she got ready in a short black dress that had blue feathers attached to the top.

‘thirty minutes, and we won’t see him. you’ll be fine.’ was the only thing she could say to herself as she walked out to her car.

‘you’ll be fine.’

— ꒰ 🍒 ꒱ dedicated to, and idea created by @freshloveee :)

— ꒰ 💭 ꒱ filler chapter ish ??? sorry i kept saying i was gonna publish ts then didn’t - i had the worst writers block but what if i said chapter three will be inspo for a pop hit 😝😝

— ꒰ ❣️ ꒱ the taglist! @sturniolopepsi , @junnniiieee07 , @xyzstar , @st4rswrld , @sturnrc , @hearts4sturniolo , @maryx2xx , @r6diosturns ( ❤️ ) comment to be added :)

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seattlesolace · 9 months

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there for you // jay (ENHYPEN)

pairing: human!jay x guardian angel!fem!reader

summary: Jay is the boy you were tasked to guard, and guide, for life. you follow him through all stages of his youth, but what happens when he reaches a certain age and you start to develop... feelings?

genre: fluff, fantasy // warning: profanity, mentions of bullying

word count: ~5.3k

author's note: welcome to seattlesolace, and welcome to another fantasy-related content.

works regarding guardian angels have always been my favorite type of thing to read, so this is my spin on it. no, y/n doesn't have wings, and the type of guarding she does is more on the emotional side, but I do hope you like this one since it does bring me a little comfort when I reread it.

the song inspiration for this fic is below:

it was the song that Jungkook used in his GCF video and for some reason it kept playing in my head, and when I read the lyrics it was definitely giving me guardian angels vibes... so that's how this fic was made! for now, enjoy 🤍

When he was 8

When you’re screaming, but they only hear you whisper I’ll be there for you

“Park Jongseong!”

Jay blinked as he struggled to wake up at the sound of his nagging mother. It was 7 AM. He looked around his room before blinking several more times and then closing his eyes shut again.

The door flung open and his mother barged in. Holding a spatula on one hand, she patted Jay with the other hand and tried her best to lower her voice.

“Jay, you’re gonna be late. Come on, you have to get ready for school.”

“I don’t wanna go,” said Jay in a sulky voice.

His mother frowned. “Why?”

Jay remained silent. He’d rather keep his mouth shut than telling his mother and getting embarrassed all over again.

“Look, whatever is going on, you have to get it together or else your father is going to throw another lecture about the importance of education. Now I have to go finish breakfast. You better be ready by the time the food is served, okay?”

Jay’s mother ruffled her son’s hair as she left the room, leaving the door open on purpose. As Jay tossed and turned throwing a silent fit, he noticed the figure standing by the door.

“Noona?”

You smiled widely and entered the room, sitting on the edge of Jay’s bed. Jay automatically sat up and straightened himself.

“You need to listen to your mother,” you said, calmly.

Jay pouted. “But you know what happened the other day at school.”

You nodded. “I do. And I loved what you did.”

“Telling off a bully made me become the target of bullying. I didn’t see it coming,” Jay was now fully awake, fighting off yawns.

“It will get better,” you straightened the wrinkles on your white dress.

“How?”

“If you refuse to go to school, that just shows how much you are afraid of them. Don’t ever let them know about your fear. Don’t even feel afraid.”

For a boy his age, he knows that all the things you just said made sense. It was cliché, even. But it still didn’t convince him to go to school.

“I don’t care what people think about me,” he said, finally, after seconds of silence.

You raised an eyebrow. “You are a paradox. You stood up for the poor girl in class, and then you get bullied, and you don’t wanna go to school, and now you think you don’t care what people think about you, but at the same time you are still refusing and---“

“Okay! Okay, Noona! I will go to school if you stop talking,” Jay got out of his bed and snatched the towel hanging on his chair.

You laughed. “See you later?”

“See you later!”

When he was 17

I can’t do this alone Sometimes I just need a light

Jay kicked the little stones and made traces of lines in the sand. He took the lollipop he was eating and used the stick to write down something. He heard footsteps coming from behind him. When he turned around, you were already standing there, in your white dress, strands of hair falling off from your messy bun.

“Took you long enough,” murmured Jay.

You placed a hand over your chest, acting offended. “Some attitude?”

“I called for you 15 minutes ago, you usually respond within a minute,” Jay clearly looked disappointed. You sighed.

“I’m sorry. I had some stuff to take care of…”

“Another 17-year-old with romance problems?” asked Jay.

You tilted your head and chuckled. “No, some paper problems regarding the new recruitment for guardian angels. So, what is up with you?”

“There is this girl I like…”

“Okay, not the first,” you sat down on the bench as you listened to Jay who was still on his feet, playing with the sand.

“But I don’t know if I should tell her.”

You observed the teenage boy in front of you. His cap covered half his face, his loose tee and his wide-fit shorts made him look more mature than his age.

Noticing no response from you, Jay coughed. “Aren’t you cold?”

You realized Jay was referring to the fact that you wear the same white dress all the time and only change outfits whenever you were showing yourself to the real world.

“Angels don’t get cold, don’t worry.” You smiled. “Okay, so you like her. How much?”

Hearing this question, Jay’s lips form into a wide smile. It made you smile, too.

“A lot.”

“What do you like about her?”

“Almost… everything? Why are you asking me this, you know exactly who she is. You pop up at school like every day,” Jay got tired and sat down beside you.

“I know exactly what she’s like,” you leaned on the bench and stared at the stars. “But I want to know what she looks like, painted with the words from your mouth.”

Jay laughed shyly. “I didn’t know you were poetic.”

“I’m not, but you are,” you looked at Jay and elbowed him. “Go on. Answer.”

“Noona.”

“What?”

“Do I really have to? It’s embarrassing,” Jay covered his face with his two hands.

You gasped in surprise. “Embarrassing?? Nothing is embarrassing about love. What’s embarrassing is watching you grow up from the chubby 3-year-old who runs around the backyard, naked, become a sophisticated, academic-award-winning 17-year-old who doesn’t even know how to talk to girls.”

“Speaking of ages…” Jay turned around to face you. He had one leg up the bench so he could really face you.

“Don’t change the subject,” you rolled your eyes.

“I’ve never really asked but I want to know. How old are you?” Jay stared at you, full of curiosity.

“I’m just a little over a thousand years old—“

“Not your angel age, like your human age, this figure, right now?” Jay poked you slightly to confirm his question. You felt a buzz.

“Well, um,” you did not even think for once that you would become flustered. “I’m probably in my mid-20s? Like 25? 26?”

Jay observed you in detail. It made you a tad bit giddy.

“Stop staring,” you said, shoving Jay’s face away.

Jay complained. “Not fair! You watch me sleep all the time.”

“No, I don’t. And if you say it like that, it sounds creepy.”

“But you do. Nothing in my room is white. So, if I see something white it’s definitely you.”

“What if it’s a ghost?”

Jay scoffed, sounding slightly scared. “Don’t say that.”

“Yet you are talking to me now,” you stared back at Jay, challenging him. Jay sighed and held up his hands.

“Fine. But you’re not a ghost. I believe in you because you’ve always been there for me. Now please give me advice, I am lost,” Jay leaned back to the bench after emphasizing the last word and accidentally knocked his cap off.

You caught his cap and put it on your head. Jay laughed at the sight of this.

“First of all, you need to determine whether or not you really need to confess. What’s the aim of your confession? Just to let her know? To date her? To find out if she feels the same? If the aim is to just let yourself be free of the burden that is your feelings, that is quite a selfish move. I suggest you don’t confess.”

Jay blinked and turned to you. “Wow. That was first of all?”

“Second of all,” you said as you chuckled and shoved Jay’s face away. “You need to weigh the situation. Once you’ve decided to confess, you really need to make sure of the place and time of your confession. Would you want to do it at the university? In a café? In class? Whatever. Make sure you do what she likes—“

“We’re not into that stage yet—“

“I mean NOT SEXUALLY!” you raised your voice. Jay burst out laughing and almost choked on his lollipop.

“Go choke some more,” you stood up, feeling a bit fed up.

Jay held your hand to stop you from walking away, even though he knew you could just poof and evaporate to oblivion because you had done that several times. But this time, you stayed.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “you may proceed.” Jay scooted to let you sit beside him again.

“The last,” you sat back down and smoothed out your dress. “Is to prepare for the worst. Looking at you like this,” you made a gesture at Jay, judgingly. “She might not accept your confession.”

“Hey!” Jay was clearly offended, but he smiled as he complained. “Am I really that bad?”

“You know why I came late?”

“Why?”

“Because I asked for a substitute to be your guardian while I find a different person who causes less trouble—“

Jay nudged you as you broke into laughter. “Bullshit. You love me.”

“Ha!” you scoffed. I really do. “Do you want me to continue?”

“Yes, please.”

“If she does not accept your confession, then it’s okay. You want to cry? Fine. You want to binge-eat? Fine. But like I said back then when you were dealing with bullies, don’t let it show. Don’t let your disappointment show, don’t let your sadness show. Don’t even be angry because she has the right to turn you down if she doesn’t like you back.”

“Wow,” Jay looked at you in awe.

“I know right,” you tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I’m stunning at night.”

“You sound so wise, I almost believed you when you said you were in your mid-20s,” Jay shook his head and took his cap back.

“Well, how old do you think I should be given this amount of wisdom?”

“At least 50—ouch!”

You pinched Jay’s arm really hard to the point that his first cry of shock gradually turned into genuine screams of pain. You almost died of silent laughter.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay if you get rejected?” you asked, looking concerned.

Jay took a deep breath. “Of course I’ll be okay. I’ve got you.”

You sat in brief silence for a moment.

“I mean, you can use your superpowers to find other girls for me, right?” Jay flashed a sweet smile to you, his signature lopsided smirk.

“In your dreams, you boob,” you snickered, flicking Jay’s cap off his head.

When he just turned 23

But I’m holding on to something Won’t let go of you for nothing I’m running just to keep my hands on you

Your eyes widened at the sight of food being served in front of you. Sitting across from you is Jay, clearly not feeling the same excitement.

“Oh, please, cheer up!” you said as you handed him a pair of chopsticks. “You’re not in the mood for seafood?”

Jay shook his head and fixed his beanie.

“Well, tough, because I feel like eating some seafood and I’m paying,” you started stirring the seafood stew that was boiling, but then your smile faded when you didn’t get a reaction from Jay.

“I’m sorry,” you said, putting the ladle down. “Do you want to order something else?”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Jay answered without missing a beat. “It’s just that…”

He fell silent and blankly stared at the food before shifting his eyes to you.

“You’re thinking about her?” you asked, knowingly. Jay nodded.

You put both your elbows on the table and leaned forward. “Tell me everything.”

“You know already.”

“No, I don’t. I stopped following you on your dates since I got caught once and you told me off,” you said in defense. “And I’m still sorry for that, by the way.”

Jay shot a weak smile. “We’re in a fight. Or at least, I think we are. She doesn’t even take it seriously.”

You have been observing Jay’s first serious relationship for over 2 years. It was the same girl Jay confessed to when he was 17, except back then, he got rejected.

“What happened?” you asked. “Also, do you mind if I listen while eating?”

Jay shook his head and told you to help yourself. As you listened to his story, you carefully took out pieces of seafood onto your plate as well.

“She has a lot of friends. Male friends. And when I say a lot, I mean it,” said Jay who was now playing with his chopsticks.

“And it bothers you?”

“What kind of boyfriend wouldn’t be bothered?” Jay almost snapped the chopsticks. You had to carefully hold his hand down.

“Lower your voice, Jay,” you hushed. Jay mouthed ‘sorry’.

“She has no boundaries, Noona. She hangs out with them almost all the time. She even shares affectionate terms and nicknames with one of them that I dislike the most.”

You stopped stirring your food and shifted your eyes to his face.

“Whenever I call her or talk to her it feels rather rushed, like a squeezed-in business meeting.”

You paused eating for a while as you gathered your thoughts. She sounds like an awful person.

“Jay, I’m gonna ask you something.”

Jay blinked at the change of tone in your voice. “What?”

“From the beginning of your relationship, did you ever think you would last this long?”

Jay took a deep breath and rested his elbows on the table, propping his head up with both his hands.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” he answered after taking a couple of seconds to think.

“Alright, let me ask another thing. Have you ever thought, during your relationship, that you give more than you take—“

“Yes.”

You were slightly shocked at the answer.

“That didn’t take me long to answer, huh?” Jay noticed the surprise on your face.

“That’s… a problem, Jay,” you looked into his eyes with a sad gaze. She doesn’t deserve you.

Before you were able to resume your thoughts, an old lady came by your table and served a second dish.

“We didn’t order this—“ said Jay.

“Oh, we did! Thank you, auntie!”

Jay smiled at the old lady before looking at you in confusion. “We didn’t?”

“I know you’re not the biggest fan of seafood, so here’s your meat. Now, tell me everything so I can give you the proper advice.”

You were looking down at your bowl, devouring the seafood stew that was now completely yours. As he picked up his chopsticks, he smiled and mumbled a ‘thank you’ before joining to eat.

---

“You broke two rules.”

You fixed the glasses sitting on your nose as you leaned forward. “Excuse me?”

“Y/N, I’ve told you many times before. Before you were even assigned to this boy.”

“Man,” you corrected.

“Fine, ‘man’,” said the guy in front of you as he fixed his nametag which read Jung Hoseok.

You sighed. “Okay, what did I do wrong?”

Hoseok was sifting through the papers when he glanced up at you and blinked. “You really want me to tell you?”

You shrugged.

Hoseok cleared his throat. “Okay, you violated his personal life by interfering with his romantic relationships—“

“I didn’t do anything wrong—“

“And! You developed feelings for him.”

Hearing the second point, you fell silent. Hoseok looked at you and took out a pen from his jacket.

“It’s not like we don’t know, Y/N,” said Hoseok in a lower voice. “I actually expected more from you.”

You looked back at Hoseok. As a guardian angel who had been doing your job for just ten years more than the man in front of you, you felt slightly ashamed. Hoseok had achieved so much in so little time that this scene where you were being scolded by someone of a higher position despite less experience did not feel bad.

Hoseok looked around at the empty café that he cleared out for this special meeting. At the door, Hoseok’s assistant was standing straight, guarding the entrance.

“Alright,” you finally spoke up. “What’s my penalty? A year off? Desk job at the headquarters for like, three months?”

Hoseok frowned. “Y/N, the rule you violated deserves a penalty that is much… worse than just a desk job.”

“What? I’m fired forever?” You were genuinely clueless since you had never broken a rule before, thus never acknowledging or studying the guide on guarding that had been constantly renewed every now and then.

“You’re becoming human,” said Hoseok, firmly.

You fell silent, but not for long. “Okay. Okay, I’m gonna be mortal. No big deal—“

“And memories of him will be erased, the same works for him,” Hoseok continued.

You scoffed. “You mean, he won’t remember me?”

Hoseok nodded. “Neither will you.”

“Hoseok, please—“

“I’m sorry, Y/N…”

You stared at the paper and the pen that Hoseok had readied. You remained still like that for a couple of seconds before you felt your eyes tearing up, and you decided to wipe your tears before they fell and embarrass you further.

“So, we get punished for loving people now?” you asked. “So much for being angels.”

Hoseok pushed the paper forward for you to sign as you reached for the pen. “That’s exactly my point, Y/N. We’re angels.”

You signed the paper which signified the end of your contract.

“We don’t feel,” said Hoseok as he pushed another folder to you, containing important documents.

“This is your identity, you will find everything you need to know about the human world and becoming human. Your age stays the same as now, but once you walk out that door,” Hoseok pointed to the guard at the entrance. “You will become human, and you’re gonna start aging.”

You peeked into the files that were now in your hands. “Does this mean I won’t be able to see you, too?”

Hoseok smiled as he tidied up all the loose papers. “I’m gonna miss you, Y/N.”

You let out a deep sigh and stood up. You walked over to Hoseok’s side as he got out of his chair, too.

“It’s been a pleasure, Hope,” you said, calling him by his code name. Hoseok shook your hand for a second before pulling you into a hug.

“Don’t be a bitch,” he said, followed by a laugh. You smacked his back before pulling away.

“Wait, if I’m becoming human, does that mean I’m gonna get a guardian assigned to me too now?” you asked, eyebrows furrowed, thinking hard.

Hoseok was genuinely confused for two seconds. “That is a really good question. I’m gonna have to check later at the headquarters.”

The two of them stood still before Hoseok’s phone started to ring. The boss was calling.

“I gotta take this. Best of luck to you, Y/N.”

You took two steps forward and hugged Hoseok one last time. “Thanks, mate.”

“Don’t forget your files,” Hoseok pointed to the folder before answering the phone. “Hello? Yes, Sir—“

Your ears canceled out the conversation immediately as your heels started clicking, making your way to the entrance. You gave the guard a warm smile before he opened the door for you.

The moment you stepped out of the door you completely felt blank. You knew your name, and how old you were, but you didn’t have a grasp of why you were there and where you were heading.

“Wait,” you murmured to yourself as you opened your files. You started reading the papers as you made your way to the sidewalk.

You weren’t even that far away from the shop you exited when suddenly a young man, who was rushing behind you, bumped into you, making you lose your balance.

“Oh, shit!” The young man exclaimed as he gathered the files that flew from your hands before making his way to you to help you up. “I am so sorry! Are you okay?”

You were fine, you thought to yourself, as you slipped back into your heels. However, as you looked up to see the man who caused this ruckus, you felt a heavy weight on your chest.

It was Jay.

“Miss, are you hurt?” He asked one more time, being extremely polite not to touch you anywhere, but making sure he did not leave you out of his sight.

“I’m… fine,” you answered clutching your chest. You felt the extreme weight getting even more painful.

“Look, I’m actually really in a hurry, so forgive me if I leave you here?” Jay offered his hand to help you up, but you declined. “Um, here are your papers. Again, I’m so sorry.”

You forced a smile, half in pain and half confused as to why you were feeling such discomfort. “That’s okay.”

“Alright,” Jay straightened his beanie and wiped the dust off his sweatshirt. “Have a safe flight!” he said, before running off again.

“Flight?” you muttered as you checked the files. Amongst all the papers, the one that was in the front was a printed e-ticket, a flight to New York departing in seven hours.

One year later

I got you, I promise Let me be honest

For the first couple of months you were in New York, everything felt magically easy for you. It took you no time to get a job and settle at a place that was relatively a reach for common New Yorkers. Your career somehow sped up and you were running the fashion division in a local but well-known magazine. You were making friends here and there, networking with a lot of people who would lead you to meet famous people and collaborate with celebrities you never knew you had a chance to meet.

Until one fine day, you felt a slight pain in your chest.

“Unnie, are you feeling unwell?”

Yoon, the company’s photographer, noticed you sitting on the bar stool, clutching your chest.

“I think it’s just my asthma. I’m gonna go grab my Ventolin,” you reassured Yoon before leaving the studio.

As you exited to the hallway, two of your coworkers immediately started walking by both sides.

“Y/N, schedule,” said Julian, handing over an iPad.

“Do you think these photos are okay?” On her left, Robin, was holding another iPad and scrolling through different photos from the shoot.

Your pain was growing even more as you reached the end of the hallway. “Hold on,” you held up one hand and Julian and Robin both stopped chirping.

“Are you okay?” asked Robin.

“You must be nervous about the upcoming shoot,” said Julian.

“What shoot?”

“That is exactly what I am here for. Schedule, Y/N,” Julian tapped the iPad in your hand and pointed to an area that read ‘PJS shoot’.

Julian and Robin looked at each other and smiled. “Isn’t it amazing? The founder of PJS Collection himself is coming over for New York Fashion Week and our magazine is one of the first to schedule a shoot and an interview with him. Dope, right?”

You looked at Robin with a confused face. “PJS Collection?”

“Park Jong Seong. Oh my God, Y/N, you work in fashion. How do you not know him?” Julian was starting to show sass.

And again, you felt the unbearable pain in your chest.

“Great, okay, you know what? I feel really under the weather right now so please bombard me with questions in about… two more hours, okay?”

And with that you disappeared into your office, leaving Julian and Robin looking at each other with their iPads in their hands.

---

“Maybe you should see a doctor?”

Isa put her cup of tea down as she fixed her gaze on you. It was in the afternoon, and you had time to kill before meeting with a client.

“I don’t know, it comes and goes. I’d like to think it’s nothing serious,” you brought your hand to your chest to make sure you weren’t feeling anything at that moment.

“Well, you did use the word ‘unbearable’, so that seems pretty serious to me,” Isa looked really concerned, but you waved her off.

“It’s the type of unbearable that becomes bearable, like, I don’t know, period cramps?”

Isa chuckled and proceeded to ask you a whole lot of questions about your job. After talking and refilling their pot of tea two times, an hour passed by. Isa checked her phone and found several chats from some people.

“Listen, good luck with the project. I gotta go see Yoon now,” said Isa, squeezing your hands and sliding in a couple of bills for her share of the tea time snacks.

“Thanks, Isa,” you smiled and waved goodbye, setting your eyes on Isa until she left the place. You sighed and stirred your cup of tea. You didn’t believe it at first, but as time went by, you felt your heart beating faster.

“I really need to schedule a check-up,” you murmured to yourself as you reached for your phone.

“Miss L/N?”

You almost lost your grip on your phone when you heard the voice behind you. You turned around and almost clutched your chest again if not for your gesture to shake hands with the person in front of you. The handshake lasted for a second, but you felt a flashback that was vivid if only it lasted a bit longer.

“Mr. Park, I presume?” you tried not to waver at the images in your head.

“Just Jay, please,” Jay’s eyes disappeared behind his smile. You could almost hear your chest pounding.

“Have a seat, Jay,” you welcomed your client warmly, trying to dismiss the pain. Maybe if I don’t think about it, I won’t feel it.

“Can I just say,” Jay said immediately after he sat down and thanked the waiter for bringing a new set of cups. “You look oddly familiar.”

You frowned as you poured tea into your own cup. “That’s strange.” I bet my reaction is more abnormal.

“Or maybe you look like someone I used to know… wait, was that offensive? I am so sorry,” Jay started babbling apologies and excuses and you found it weirdly adorable.

“No, it’s okay, I get that a lot. It’s a pleasure to be working with you! I found out your line is quickly getting recognition from where you come from?”

Jay smiled proudly, but was humble. “Yes, it is, thank you for saying that.”

You noticed that you couldn’t feel the pain as long as you continued to listen to Jay’s voice, so that was exactly what you did.

“Could you tell me more about the concept you’re going for in fashion week?”

---

You made your way through Central Park, trying to find out where exactly Jay was waiting for you. He mentioned that he wanted ‘to make it more fun’ and that he thought it was ‘cute’ to make you search for him. But he said it all through chat and proceeded to update his Instagram story which spoiled the hiding place. You almost wanted to type FOOL into his DMs.

“How did you know I’m here?” Jay stood up from the bench he was sitting on, eyes widened in amazement.

“I follow you on Instagram, genius,” you chuckled as you saw the sudden realization creeping up on Jay’s face. “You look great.”

Jay smiled. It was so typical of you – completely slandering him one second and showering him with compliments right after. Jay thought it was not normal to get all giddy from a compliment on a first date; technically you have been meeting several times since fashion week, but only now agreeing on calling this hang-out a ‘date’.

“I dressed up so you can take a picture for my ToJays Fashion collection,” said Jay, matter-of-fact-ly.

You pouted. “Is that why you wanted to hang out with me? So you can have a free professional photographer?”

Jay had his hands up. “Hey, your words, not mine.”

You scoffed and proceeded to walk away. Jay quickly caught up with you and you chatted as you both strolled around the park.

At this point, you were used to the abnormal feeling in your chest. You had associated it with Jay, and you thought of it as a good feeling. You forced yourself to believe that if other people felt butterflies in their stomachs, then you would feel a set of dumbbells on your chest whenever you meet a person you potentially like.

And you liked Jay a lot.

The two of you made your way past the lake, walking down the path between green fields and people sprawled on them, enjoying the beautiful weather. Sometimes your hands would brush against one another, and it bothered you not because you didn’t want to touch Jay, but because you were constantly having flashbacks. And this time, it became more vivid.

“Y/N.”

Jay decided to call on you once he noticed you staring blankly at the path in front of you.

“Are you tired? Do you want to sit down?”

You figured it was best to follow Jay’s words and as you both sat down, you moved closer towards Jay and rested your head on his shoulder.

“Do you mind?” you asked. Jay shook his head and smiled.

“You know we can always go to a coffee shop, or a bookstore, if walking around is too tiring for you?” Jay’s voice sounded even deeper now that you had your head on his shoulder.

You didn’t answer. Jay started feeling very concerned.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” asked Jay. His tone softened. Your heart ached.

“I’m al—“

You couldn’t finish your sentence because Jay intertwined his fingers with yours. You didn’t let go even after several seconds, and you started to close your eyes.

That’s when everything came back to your memories.

Jay’s cry, his laughter when he was little. All the episodes where he was sulking in his room, having his mother coax him out of bed.

When Jay turned seventeen, and all his friends gave him a surprise as you watched from outside of class, and on the same day his first love broke his heart.

When they erased your memory and you bumped into him right after, unaware that Jay was actually rushing to the place you were supposed to meet.

That one particular night at the playground when you wore his cap and realized for the first time that you were in love with the boy you were supposed to guard.

Your head jerked up as you let go of Jay’s hand, and you brought your hand to your chest. You stood up slowly and turned to Jay.

Jay had his head down. He moved his fingers, the same fingers that were intertwined with yours just seconds ago. When he looked up, you knew that he remembered, too.

“Y/N…”

Jay stood up straight and faced you. You weren’t sure how to react, or what to say. Was it weird that you are now together miles away from home? Was it appropriate, knowing the history that you have? Does he love you back?

“You were always there for me.”

Jay looked you in the eyes. Your brown eyes were showing a hint of gold with the reflection of the sun. You blinked as you felt your eyes glistening, starting to feel the warmth of your tears. You brought your hands up to cover your face. To avoid seeing you cry, Jay pulled you into his embrace. As he wrapped his arms around you, he whispered.

“And now I can be here for you, too.”

You brought your hands around Jay’s neck as he hugged you tight. The pain was gone now. The flashbacks disappeared too, replaced with vivid memories. Jay smiled as he buried his face in your neck.

“Why didn’t you tell me back then?” He asked as he pulled away to see you, but not taking his arms away from your waist.

“I wasn’t supposed to.”

“Is it okay now?” asked Jay.

You nodded and smiled.

“Are you going to leave again?” Jay’s tone changed and became mellow.

You shook your head. “Not unless I find someone better, but I doubt that.”

Jay laughed softly and ran his fingers through your hair. “Oh, one more thing.”

You tilted your head, a gesture of asking.

“How old are you now?”

You chuckled and hit Jay’s shoulder gently. “I’m 25.”

“Great. Still a noona to me,” Jay leaned in to plant a kiss on your forehead before pulling you in for another giant hug, and silencing your complaints.

-END-

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prettyyoungandbored · 5 months

Text

Reason to Live - Johnny Knoxville

Pairing: Johnny Knoxville x Fem!reader (goes by “Babydoll”)

Author’s Note: Currently OBSESSED with “Reason to Live” by KISS and this is what came out of it. This is before Y/N and Johnny’s relationship. Enjoy!

Warning: Y/N goes through it.

Song lyrics belong to KISS.

NOT MY GIF

Y/N was a hopeless romantic and although it was a part of her that she accepted, she also struggled with it. High school boys either didn’t want her or they chickened out. The guys in her 20’s were very much the same with the exception that they just wanted her as a fuck buddy.

She tried to be ok being a fuck buddy. She really did. But still, the hopeless romantic in her thought maybe she could be the one.

She never was.

“Girly, you know I love you more than anything,” Whitney began, putting her hand on her best friend’s shoulder, “but you can’t go around falling for guys that want nothing to do with you outside of sex.”

Y/N closed her eyes. “I know. I know this,” she sighed.

“I know you know,” Whitney said with a small smile.

Y/N opened one eye. “Are you also saying it because you’re tired of coming with me to the Hard Rock Cafè when I’m heartbroken?”

Whitney snorted. “This is not my scene, but I’ll go anywhere for you and with you. I just hate seeing you get like this.”

She got up from her chair. “I’m gonna use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Y/N nodded as she sipped her drink. Whitney had a point, sure, but still it didn’t-

Out of love, there's nobody around,

All I hear is the sound of a broken heart

Y/N’s head snapped up. Maybe the liquor was hitting her but also, maybe whoever was singing this song understood her.

Out of time, no more waitin' for you

Now the hurtin's through, and a new day starts

She eyed around to find out where the music was coming from. Her eyes landed on one of the many televisions. Her mouth hung open ajar as she got up from the bar and walked to the closest TV. Her eyes were glued to the music video playing.

And I feel a change in my life, I sailed into dark and endless nights

And made it alive

Everybody's got a reason to live, baby

Everybody's got a dream and a hunger inside

Everybody's got a reason to live, but it can't be your love

Something inside her called. Whoever was singing had a point.

Love, as great as it was, wasn’t the reason to live. She was built for better things in life. She needed to start living for her, not some guy.

“Y/N?!”

She snapped out of her thoughts and turned to see Whitney standing there.

“What’s going on here?” she asked. “You don’t need to be so close to the TV.”

“Who sings this?”

Whitney blinked. “It’s KISS.”

Y/N whipped her head. “It is?!”

“Yeah, remember my dad would play them all the time on the radio?” Whitney said.

Whitney’s dad was the rock radio DJ in their hometown. While Y/N and Whitney spent time there - and even worked there in high school - she wondered how she could’ve missed this song.

“Do you know the name of the song?”

Whitney shook her head. Y/N hurried back to her chair at the bar she reached into her purse, grabbing her notebook. She wrote down ‘KISS’ and a couple lyrics she remembered.

She bought the album the next day and it played on repeat for the entire week.

But the message stayed with her for two years.

=================================

Two Years Later…

Out of touch, with myself for so long,

Now a feelin' so strong comin' over me

Y/N leaned her head back on the head rest and let the lyrics wash over her.

She was in her rental car parked right outside the hotel.

It took her two years to build herself up. To create a life where she felt fulfilled by her work and by her friends and family. She was doing great. Never better in fact.

Then she met Johnny Knoxville on her first day of “Jackass”and she found herself slipping back to her old ways.

He was ambitious, kind, courageous, funny, handsome as hell- she knew she was in trouble from the moment she laid eyes on him.

For the first couple weeks, she managed to keep it together. But sure enough, she found herself melting whenever he was around.

Down the line, there's a lesson I've learned

You can love and get burned, if it has to be

A rap at the car window broke her thoughts. Y/N snapped her head up to see Johnny Knoxville standing there.

She rolled down the window.

“Hey,” she exhaled, an embarrassed smile on her lips

“I wanted to make sure you were ok,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone fall asleep to KISS.”

“Yes! I just…long day and I’m exhausted,” she chuckled.

“You’re telling me.” He paused. “We were all over the place.”

“It was worth it considering all the great footage we got.”

“Hell yeah. You really brought a lot to the table today. It was impressive.”

She shrugged. “Just did my best.”

Johnny’s face softened. “You sure you’re ok?”

She nodded. “I promise.”

“Well, let me know if you need anything. See ya in the morning, Babydoll.”

Babydoll. That goddamn nickname that made her want to giggle and squeal. The first time she heard it she couldn’t stop smiling.

She rolled the window as Johnny walked away and she leaned back and sighed. Just then, she heard another knock and turned to see Holly at the window of the passenger seat.

Y/N unlocked it and Holly slid into the passenger.

“Hi there,” Holly greeted. “I saw you and Wonder Boy-.” She paused. “Is this KISS?”

Y/N turned down the radio. “Yeah.”

“Would you care to explain why you’re sitting in the car listening to KISS?”

Y/N sighed. “Look, you know I like Johnny, and I haven’t had a crush like this in a long time. It’s that kind of crush I want to shake off, but I just can’t.”

“Why would you want to shake it off?” Holly questioned with a pout.

“Because whenever I’ve had them in the past, I’ve just gotten let down.” Y/N pulled back her lips. “It used to be bad and then I heard this song…and I don’t know. It just kind of pulled me back up and reminded me there was more to life than crushes or falling in love and dating and shit. And it worked before.l

She sighed. “It’s not working anymore. I’ve been listening to it on replay since I got here because every time Johnny and I talk, those feelings come back and I don’t want to ruin anything.”

She felt a warmth on her hand. She looked down to see Holly holding her hand.

“I’m sorry you’ve been let down,” Holly said. “I know crushes suck. But maybe this one might work out. You never know until you give yourself a chance to put yourself out there.”

Y/N nodded. “Ok. I’ll try.”

“Good.”

Holly went to get out of the car when Y/N said, “I’m gonna give myself another couple of minutes in here. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Ok. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Holly closed the car door and Y/N sighed. She then put the song on repeat.

=====================================

BONUS SCENE

Holly found Johnny, Steve-O, and Ryan talking in the hallway.

“PJ, a word?” she motioned.

He excused himself from the group when Steve-O shouted, “Don’t steal my girl, Knoxville!”

Johnny waved him off as he and Holly stood in the corner.

“Look, I’m gonna be straight with you,” she said. “Y/N likes you too, ok? I don’t know why she does, but she does.”

Johnny perked up. “What do you mean likes me too? Wait, what did she-.”

Holly held up her hand. “Don’t play this game with me, ok? Just make a move.”

He shoved his hands inside his jean pockets. “She just feels out of my league.”

“Yeah, she is,” Holly agreed. “But I also know you’re a good guy and you would be good for her and her for you. Listen, I’ll drive her to set tomorrow. I’ll slash her tire or something while she sleeps. You drive her home and ask her out, ok?”

Johnny nodded. “You got a deal.” Then it dawned on him. “Wait, you’re gonna do what?!”

#johnny knoxville x reader #jackass #jackass fanfic #johnny knoxville

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skepticalarrie · 2 years

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Hi allie 🥺🥺 I hope this is not too much trouble but its hard for me to keep up with everything. do you know which songs from louis' new album we have information about already or the lyrics?? thanks

Hi, anon! We actually have good information about most songs so far, which is very exciting:

1.The Greatest: This song was leaked, here are the lyrics. And that's what he said about the song for Euphoria Magazine:

“That was specifically written as a tour opener, not necessarily an album opener at the time. Musically, it’s interesting. There’s probably not another song like that on the record. It starts the album with a statement of intent, which I think is important. There’s a certain ambitious level to that.” (September 1st 2022)

Also a quote from his interview for BBC:

Faith In The Future is dedicated to his avid fanbase. The propulsive opening track, The Greatest, is a celebration of their relationship. (September 17th 2022)

2. Written All Over Your Face: We have the lyrics here and here's a quote also from Euphoria Magazine:

[The album immediately switches it up and dives straight into “Written All Over Your Face,” an infectious indie floor-filler that we both agree is reminiscent of the first two Arctic Monkeys albums.] “I’m a big fan of that sound, big fan of that energy. I went into the room with these people I’ve done a few sessions with, and I said, let’s try and take this as punk as I can get away with. I suppose that’s where the Arctic Monkeys reference comes from; there are obviously punk elements within what they do.” (September 1st 2022)

3. Bigger Than Me: It's the first single from the album so it's by far the one we have the most information about, I couldn't put together everything he said about the song but here are a few things LTHQ shared:

It was written during summer 2021

It was written in London at Wendyhouse Studios with Robert Harvey, George Tizzard, and Rick Parkhouse

It was produced by Mike Crossey in Los Angeles

And here's a few quotes:

“We did it in London. We wrote that in London. There was a lot of pressure, at least I put a lot of pressure on myself in terms of what i wanted out of this first single. And I knew that I kind of, especially with how well the tour shows have been going on, I wanna keep this momentum going. I knew I had to come out of the blocks with something that feels pretty big inside.” Smallzy (September 5th 2022)

“I was nervous I’m not gonna lie, I’ve done quite a lot of shows this year which have stayed in the same set, so to add something new, and then to add that song - probably the hardest song I’ve had to sing vocally, it’s got that big chorus - I was nervous. But what surprises me everytime, the song has been out no time, and there’s so many people out there that know it already, in the crowd I mean, so naturally that fills you full of confidence.” BBC The One Show (September 7th 2022)

4. Lucky Again: This one also got leaked in August. Here are the lyrics.

5. Face The Music: It was written in collaboration with Dave Gibson. We also have a quote from BBC:

Coming of age is a theme that surfaces throughout his new album, Faith In The Future. On Face The Music, he philosophises that "good and bad and right and wrong are stories made up when we are young to scare us". (September 17th 2022)

6. Chicago: Jojo Wright said this about the song, here's the transcript:

“We went into the room, had a little chat […] and then he decided to leave the room while we listened to the music. He walks back in and I’m like “Who’s Chicago about? Who’s that?” He didn’t give me a crazy answer, but it’s about a person. […] He just appreciated the fact I had - that all of us were just curious! What is this about […] It’s just a deep track, it got me thinking who is this about, what happened…”

7. Common People: We have this quote from BBC:

Common People (not a cover of the Pulp classic) is about reconnecting with his roots in Doncaster. "When I get lost, I go back to where I started," he sings. "That song's just trying to capture how amazing the people are there. If you're one of us, we'll hold out our arms and we'll embrace you." (September 17th 2022)

8. Out Of My System: We have part of the lyrics here, this one was also written in collaboration with Dave Gibson. And here's a little quote about the song from Alt Press:

That incorporation of dance melodies is something that erupts on “Out of My System,” a pulsating, punk-tinged Arctic Monkeys-inspired track that recalls the heyday of early aughts indie rock. The day Tomlinson made the track, he had been listening to “Teddy Picker” or “Dancing Shoes” (he can’t quite remember), but he knew exactly what kind of music he wanted to make. “I went in and said, ‘Let's try to write a song that is as punk as I can get away with,’” he recalls. And he led with that kind of intensity and energy from early Arctic Monkeys albums to craft the song. (September 6th 2022)

9. Angels Fly: Nothing

10. Saturdays: All we have is the people he worked in the song with, it was registered in June 2022:

11. Silver Tongues:

Plus the quote from Euphoria Magazine:

With that, one particular track that Tomlinson is most pleased with is “Silver Tongues,” a joyful and wholesome moment that honors the little intricacies of his relationship. Once completed, he boldly stated it was the first time Tomlinson had written a song that he could imagine being sung by an artist that he is really fond of. “That song was a great part of the writing process,” he says. “On this record, I tried to write with less professional songwriters and more artists, and ‘Silver Tongues’ is a good example of that. What you get with that is a different level of care and love for what you’re doing, instead of making it about money and trying to get the single.” Another reason Tomlinson credits “Silver Tongues” for being so special is its authenticity. “It’s not trying to be anything that it’s not. We were not trying to write a single, and there’s just a certain level of energy to it,” Tomlinson adds. (September 1st 2022)

12. She is Beauty We Are World Class:

Plus the quote from Euphoria Magazine:

Faith In The Future is bursting with exciting moments. However, what might surprise fans the most is the fact that Tomlinson is delving back into the dance genre sooner than expected on “All This Time” and “She Is Beauty We Are World Class.” (September 1st 2022)

13. All This Time: Same as the above

14. That’s The Way Love Goes: We have two quotes:

After taking on a journey through various sonics, Tomlinson closes Faith In The Future with the melodic and most tender song, “That’s The Way Love Goes.” After playing around with the tracklisting, Tomlinson claims that he “couldn’t get away from that idea,” adding that “you’ve got two options to end the album: you either end with a slap round the face or a little ballad moment.” Detailing a non-sexual love between two best friends, Tomlinson is confident that this is a song fans are going to adore. “I think it’s an interesting story, an interesting visual going through the song. With the way the album is structured, it kind of fits nicely to finish on that message. I wouldn’t have been able to do that on the first album because there weren’t enough peak moments of energy,” he says. Euphoria Magazine (September 1st 2022)

Tomlinson’s focus on intensity doesn’t extend to every song on Faith In The Future — at least not overtly. While he would have left the listener (hopefully) wanting more with “a wall of sound” on a record’s final track, he approached Faith In The Future’s closer “That’s The Way Love Goes” differently. The song, which was his take on the vulnerable simplicity of the Streets’ “Dry Your Eyes,” was the only track he could end the record on — one about a friend encouraging another friend to get over the fact that he’s not in a relationship anymore. “It's not the fact that you're not sympathizing. You're looking after him from afar, but you're not necessarily a shoulder to cry on,” Tomlinson explains. Alt Press (September 6th 2022)

The 4 extra songs: Headline: We have the lyrics here Holding Onto Heartache: Nothing :( Saved By a Stranger (demo): You can listen to the demo here and here are the lyrics. Paradise: Also nothing so far.

#ask #faith in the future #long post #the greatest #written all over your face #bigger than me #chicago #out of my system #silver tongues #that's the way love goes #fitf track list #mine #masterpost

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matthewkniesys · 11 months

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i know it won't work - trevor zegras

summary: You let go of Trevor but why can't he let go of you? You know it won't work so why can't he see that? You're only trying to save each other from more heartbreak than necessary. You just want him to be happy.

a/n: this is the second fic in my good riddance by gracie abrams fic series. you don't have to read the first one for this to make sense. so this is my first song fic so please be nice. idk if i did it right. everything in bold is the song lyrics. i recommend listening to the song but you don't have to. i really do love this fic so hopefully yall will too🫶

pairing: trevor zegras x gn!reader

warnings: angsty and some swearing

good riddance fic series

The last year has been hard for you. Nobody ever told you how hard graduating highschool would be. Everyone paints graduating as this big celebration. You're never warned of the hard choices you’ll have to make and the people you’ll lose. The one person you never expected to lose was your childhood best friend and boyfriend of 3 years, Trevor Zegras. And you could never have predicted that you would be the one walking away. Not him.

I left you there

Heard you keep the extra closet empty

In case this year I come back and stay throughout my 20s

Your body is drained of any energy. Moving into your dorm room has sucked any will to do anything for the rest of the day out of your body. You’re excited for the new chapter that University will bring to your life but you’re also mourning the loss of the life you had before. You feel like a different person since everything in your life did a complete 180 a few months ago.

Leaving Trevor was probably the hardest thing you’d ever done. You didn’t just lose your boyfriend that day, you also lost your best friend. It was what needed to happen though. It was this one day when he made a comment about how he would follow you anywhere and give up hockey in a heartbeat that made you freak out. You had to cut ties. Trevor loved you in an all consuming way. You loved him in a nostalgic kind of way. In the way that you two had been best friends forever. You loved him but slowly you were realizing it wasn’t in that same romantic way his love for you was. It was not purely but more platonic. You couldn’t ever see yourself marrying him and so even though it hurt both of you, leaving was the right decision. If only Trevor could understand that.

Picking up your phone to check social media, you see you’ve got a missed call from a friend, well she’s probably your best friend now, since you walked away from Trevor. You choose her number from your recent contacts and let it ring until she picks up.

“Hey, y/n, how are you? Are you all settled in?”

“I’m good. It was a real tight fit, to get everything in the dorm but it worked out. How about you? How’s your dorm? I can’t believe we are literally on the opposite side of the country now.”

Your friend laughs, “ Yeah, it was quite the tight fit here too. The dorms are tiny. But I’m doing good. I’m excited for classes to start.”

You pause for a second, wanting to ask the question that’s been burning in the back of your mind for weeks now. You wanted to know how Trevor was. Trevor and your friend had always been close. When you walked away from Trevor you didn’t want them to have to end their friendship so they still hang out.

Stuttering, you ask,” Hey, um how’s Trev doing?”

“Are you sure you really wanna know?” Yes, you are sure. At this point you feel like you need it as much as you need the air you breathe. You can guess he probably isn’t doing great, you aren’t either but you need to hear it from someone who knows.

“Yes, I do.”

“Okay, well I’m gonna be honest with you.” She pauses. “He’s fucked up over you. You walking away from him really came out of the blue. He blames himself. He thinks he did something wrong.” Hearing that he thinks it’s his fault breaks your heart. All he did was love you with all of himself and you couldn’t reciprocate that.

“I-fuck. Why couldn’t I just love him back? It’s what he deserved and I couldn’t give it to him.”

“Y/n, it’s okay. In the long run this will be better. At least neither of you will be stuck in a shitty relationship. But if I’m being completely honest I think Trevor still thinks you’re gonna come back. Like you’re gonna realize you made a mistake and change your mind. You probably don’t wanna hear this but he keeps the extra closet empty. You know, just in case you decide to come back and stay for good.”

Hearing that, shatters your heart into a million pieces.

What if I won’t?

How am I supposed to put that gently?

And down the road

You will love me until you resent me

You talk for a few more minutes but then you hang up, your heart wasn’t really in it and you’re emotionally exhausted. You feel as if your body is about to combust. Sighing, you toss your phone on the bed and flop back, shutting your eyes and letting your thoughts consume you.

You shouldn’t go back to Trevor. It wouldn’t be fair to you or him. It would only cause more pain than it’s worth. But maybe a little part of you still wants to. You miss him. There is history there that can’t just be erased.

You feel like you need to tell Trevor that you really meant it. He can’t keep holding out for you. He needs to live his life. He’s at BU this year and next year he’ll be in the NHL. All you want is for him to be happy. You want him to go out and kiss other people and to find the person of his dreams but instead he’s hung up on you.

If he stays hung up on you, if he can’t move on he’ll eventually start to hate you. He’ll love you so much that it’ll turn into resentment if it hasn’t already. And even though you broke his heart you really, really don’t want him to resent you. You couldn’t stand it. He still means the most to you.

I’ve had the thought

Tried to work it out through anxious pacing

What if I’m not

Worth the time and breath I know you’re saving?

Despite being tired down to your bones, you slept horribly that night. Knowing that Trevor might be up at this very moment, not being able to sleep because of what you did is killing you. You aren’t worth this much thought or time. He could have anyone. Any kind, beautiful person that he wants. Someone who can give him everything but instead he’s agonizing over you. For fucks sakes he even has a closet empty just for you. He must really believe you’re coming back.

It’s your first night sleeping in your dorm and that isn’t helping either. You look over at your roommate who is peacefully sleeping, wishing you could be doing the same. You grab a water bottle and chug half of it trying to gain your bearings. Your mind is running wild and you need to do something.

You start pacing back and forth, in your tiny dorm room. You really hope your roommate doesn’t wake up because you don’t need someone you barely know thinking you’re crazy.

You just want Trevor to just move on. To not let you live rent free in his mind. You aren’t even worth it. You’ve seen how many other girls are after him. He could have any of them. You aren’t worth it. He’s saving too much for you and he needs to let it go.

But it’s a lot

All the shine of half a decade fading

The whole facade

Seemed to fall apart, it’s complicated

You’ve known Trevor for your whole life and liked him for 5 of those years. Until it just kinda stopped. You stopped wanting him so much romantically and you just wanted to go back to being best friends. Part of you, a big part, wished you had never even dated in the first place.

A few months before graduating everything started falling apart with Trevor. It stopped feeling right, your relationship. It stopped feeling like where you wanted to be. You hoped it would pass but it didn’t. The feeling kept growing and growing until it felt like there was just a huge hole in your chest where something wasn’t quite right. Where something was wrong.

And part of me wants to walk away 'til you really listen

I hate to look at your face and know that we're feeling different

'Cause part of me wants you back, but

I know it won't work like that, huh?

Weeks fly by but it doesn’t really get that much easier. You’re happy and you’re making friends but you still miss Trevor. And you’ve gathered from talking to hometown friends that still talk to him, that Trevor isn’t really doing any better. You can’t get past the fact that you’re the one making him hurt like that.

It’s completely sudden. You aren’t expecting it. There’s no text, no build up. Just one day out of the blue he calls. You don’t want to pick up. It’s only gonna lead to false hope for him that you want to get back together and false hope for you that he wants to simply just be best friends again. But you can’t help it, you pick up the phone and answer.

“Y/n,” Trevor says the moment you pick up, sounding a little breathless.

“Um, hey Trev.” You don’t know what else to say so you leave it at that.

You hear Trevor mumble, “Oh fuck, there’s no way i can do this.” and then he starts talking.

“Y/n, please, please tell me what I did wrong so I can fix this. I miss you. You’re my best friend and the love of my life. I need you.”

Fuck, you won’t get through this. You can’t stand to talk to Trevor, knowing you both feel completely different. And it’s the fact that he thinks it’s his fault. That he did something wrong.

You desperately wanted to tell Trevor that you would come back, that it could be like old times but you can’t. It would be a lie. It could never be the same ever again.

A part of you wants to go back and just say fuck it. You want your friendship back so badly that you’re willing to fake the romantic part. Maybe you’ll eventually for real fall back in love with him. It’s possible, but you know that’s not right. It won’t work like that.

“Trevor, you didn’t do a single thing wrong. It just wasn’t working. It wasn’t meant to be forever. I have so much love for you still but not in the same way that you do. We can’t keep doing this to each other. We need to get past this. Hanging up the phone was hard. Sitting with your thoughts after was harder, but you’ll get through it. You did the right thing.

Why won't you try moving on for once? That might make it easy

I know we cut all the ties but you're never really leaving

And part of me wants you back, but

I know it won't work like that, huh?

In the weeks that follow you don’t hear anything from Trevor. Until mid November and then everything starts seeping back in.

First it’s a text. A simple, hey, how are you? And you know you shouldn’t respond so you don’t. And then it’s pleading. It’s text saying we need to talk or I miss you. And you almost respond to those because you can’t bear to think that you are causing Trevor so much pain. But again you hold out and don’t respond. It’s when he starts picking up the phone and calling that you can’t stop yourself.

He called you once, you didn’t pick up. He called you a second time, and still you restrained yourself, but the third time was when everything went crashing down.

You had been having a really shitty day to start off with and you were already in the worst of your feelings, so when Trevor called it’s like it breaks a dam inside of you. A wall that had been holding strong but was now toppling over.

You pick up the phone and for a minute it’s just dead silence. You hear Trevor’s breathing so you know he’s there but he hasn’t said anything. So you decide to speak first.

“Trev, I thought we agreed to cut ties. We can’t keep doing this. You need to move on. This isn’t healthy for either one of us.”

“ Y/n, you’re the one who said we should cut ties, I never agreed. I need you in my life. I miss you.” The desperation in Trevor’s voice makes you want to cry. It makes you feel as if someone took a jagged piece of glass and cut open the wound that was slowly starting to heal. The wound that you inflicted by walking away. A part of you still wants him. But you can’t. You just can’t. It isn’t possible.

I'll open up

I'm thinking everything you wish I wasn't

The call was tough

But you're better off, I'm being honest

You take a deep breath. You need to give Trevor the closure he needs and then leave for good. You need to explicitly say that this won’t work. You need to tell him without any fancy words that he needs to accept that you're not the one for him.

“Trevor,” you plead, needing him to listen, “You need to walk away. I’ve been trying to for months now but you keep pulling me back in. I’ve already moved on but you’re the one who won’t let me leave. We were what we were but we can’t be that anymore. I’m not the same person I was 3 years ago and you aren’t either. Let me go and in the long run we’ll save each other a ton of hurt. I love you but this won’t work. You have to let go. I’m gonna hang up and you aren’t gonna call me again.” You pause, catching your breath. “I wish you nothing but the best. Goodbye, Trev.

You sit in silence for a moment. It was hard. You have tried telling him goodbye before but this felt much more final. After all the other times you tried saying goodbye to Trevor, you still felt as if there was more to the story before it would be over. You hoped the story was over now. It was the best thing for you and for Trevor.

So won’t you stop

Holding out for me when I don’t want it

Just brush me off

I’m your ghost right now, your house is haunted

It took all of five minutes for Trevor to call you again. 5 fucking minutes. God, all you want at this point is for Trevor to move on. To realize this is the best thing that could’ve happened. You don’t pick up. You need to set some boundaries. You can’t keep picking up the phone when you don’t wanna talk. He needs to just brush you off and move on.

But he calls 4 more times that night. And you’re scared it won’t stop. So you pick up. Of course you do. It’s that little part of you that still wants him back that makes you.

“Trevor, you need to stop. I’m sorry but we can’t. I don’t know how many times you want me to say this. I know this won’t work the way you want it to or at all. So please I’m begging you stop. Put both of us out of our misery. You start moving on so I can finish letting go. Trevor, don’t call me again or I will block your number. I don’t want to because for some reason it just feels wrong. But I will. Goodbye, Trev.”

You hang up and this time you know. It’s final. Trevor won’t call again. You’re sad but more than that you’re relieved. You can finally start living again.

It’s as if for these past months you’ve been this ghost for Trevor. One that would constantly follow him. You were haunting him and know you’re finally being set free.

I know it won't work like that, huh?

It’s been years now. You don’t think about it often but every once in a while Trevor will pop into your mind. You’re happy. You really are. And from what you see on social media, Trevor is too.

You try not to dwell on it but sometimes you think about what might have been. What might have happened if you had gone back to Trevor. And honestly you aren’t sure. Maybe everything would’ve worked out and the two of you would be happily together right now. Or maybe it would’ve ended up being exactly what you thought would happen if you went back.

You truly believe you made the right decision in letting Trevor go. You knew it wouldn’t work the way he was envisioning. And hopefully you spared the both of you a lot of heartache.

You’re happy right now. That’s what matters. You and Trevor don’t talk much except for the occasional birthday message but maybe that was how it was supposed to be. You knew it wouldn’t work like that and you made the right decision, for you and for Trevor. You had and still have so much love for him and that’s all it’ll ever be. And you’re okay with that. You really are.

thanks for reading 🫶

good riddance fic series

taglist: @woodruff-edwards @nicohischierz @makarhughes @cobrakaisb @huggy-hischier94 @boldysswld@cole-mcward48@kashee-h@kjohnson-91 @jackhues @corneliaskates

join my taglist

#trevor zegras #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras imagine #claires good riddance fic series #anaheim ducks #x reader #nhl fic #nhl imagines #jamie drysdale #jack hughes #luke hughes #quinn hughes #claire tries writing <3 #nhl #hockey

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gingeraleluke · 6 months

Text

𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘅𝗲𝗿 ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ sɪxᴛᴇᴇɴ

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: underground boxer!vinnie hacker x fem!influencer!reader

𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀: it’s a night to remember!

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: SMUT!! , brief vomit, talks of drugs?, anxiety, brief talks of depression, negative self talk, abusive relationship, brief talks of cheating, gaslighting, homophobia if you squint?

𝗔/𝗡: HELLO!!! i’m back after a long and unexpected hiatus. i’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff and needed some time to heal before i could start writing again, so thank you very much for being patient and understanding (for those of you who were). i love you, enjoy.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

“oh, god! fuck, i…i can’t…think straight!”

her face contorted, mouth hung open as profanities left her lips. the slight rocking of her hips against his face was elevating her chest to the air, throwing her head back, she tried her best to keep it from thumping against the hard wooden floor beneath her. her back was killing, but his tongue was too good for her to care.

“don’t think, just feel, baby.” he pulled away, gasping, before immediately diving back in between her legs. she involuntarily grabbed onto the back of his head for support, her fingers tangling into his hair. “fucking, so good, love. should have done this sooner.”

“fuck, please.” she could feel his tongue dance around her clit, his lyrical fingers pumping in and out of her mercilessly. it was rough, yet she felt taken care of at the same time. y/n’s neck arched, hitting her head on the back off the floor. the pain wasn’t nearly as powerful as her nearing climax that was shadowing her every move.

“would have fucked you in front of everyone, sweetheart.” he removed his mouth, leaning forwards to look down at her. his fingers were making scissoring motions inside of her, making sure he hit every spot as deep as possible. “would have fucked you in the gym. i’d have taken off those boxing gloves just to play with you in front of your brother, princess. why didn’t you ask me to fuck you? it’s so obvious how badly you wanted me to.” his scissoring motions turned back into curled thrusts, pushing even deeper into her. she didn’t even know that he could go that deep until he did, letting the loudest cry leave her lips.

“wanted to taste you so fucking bad, didn’t care where you were, just needed to eat your pussy.” his words were unadvised and just so taboo that it made her want to release the coil in her stomach even more. “who knew i’d end up eating you on your floor.”

“fuck, keep going.” she begged, tears beginning to form.

“what a sweet girl. letting me play with her pussy like this, knowing how wrong it is. gonna let me fuck her in front of her boyfriend.” her eyes were screwed shut, but his eyes never left her face, spewing vulgar obscenities while quickening his fingers, hitting as deep as he could.

“god, please…fuck!” she whined, looking back down at him. he moved back down to the wetness between her legs and replaced his digits with his tongue, slowly fucking into her. his nose hit her clit in the most perfect way, while he reached up to feel her tits through her shirt. “keep going, i’m so fucking close, please.”

“mm” he mumbled, moving to wrap his lips around her clit. the vibrations sent waves through her body and he could tell from the shake in her legs that she was gonna cum. in the blink of an eye, his mouth left her pussy and his fingers were knuckle deep in her again. the constant switching was wrecking her insides, bringing her so very close and playing with pleasure points.

“do it.” he took his other hand to grab the back of her neck, forcing her face a mere inches from his. “fucking cum. cum on my fingers.”

“fuck, VINNIE!”

“there you go, say my name..good girl, my good girl.” she could feel her body weaken as she came onto his fingers, cries and whimpers leaving her body. she didn’t have time to calm down before vinnie’s tongue was in between her folds again.

“please, i can’t.”

vinnie mumbled, obscene slurping noises emerging from below her. “i’m gonna clean you up, and then we can go take a shower, yeah?”

“mmhmm.” she laid back, her hair laid out on the ground beneath her.

“gonna fuck you for real in there, so try not to slip.”

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

y/n woke up with the familiar pounding in her head and sweat clinging to her back.

“hey.” drakes hand was on her shoulder, cautiously looking at her. she looked shocked more-so than scared, but her shaking body and ragged breath was alarming to him. he looked over his sisters face while her unfocused eyes darted to random points in the room before her senses gave in and she could finally feel the heavy hand on her shoulder and make out the worried face in her view.

the minute her eyes met his, it was like she snapped back to reality. her thoughts could finally form again and the brief relief that washed over her was quickly replaced by the telltale feeling in her throat. her mouth quivered ever so slightly, her eyes shooting a warning-like look towards drake before she flew out of her bed and ran towards the nearest bathroom. she was sure to lock the door behind her, a weary drake turning her alarm off and following after her.

“y/n, are you okay?”

the sound of the toilet flushing was muffled through the door. y/n wiped off the side of her chin and looked at herself in the mirror for a split second before closing her eyes. tears pricked at the corner of her eyes and drakes voice droned through her ears. the feelings of guilt became draconian and her fingers gripped the ends of the sink. thank fucking god she didn’t sleep at flloyd’s, or else this feeling would have been way worse.

lethal probably.

her and flloyd had already been in murky waters since drakes birthday. she couldn’t bring herself to forgive him for allowing drake to take ketamine that night. the words that vinnie told her, rung in her ears like an alarm. how apparently flloyd had been going behind her back and indulging in substances himself. that thought made her skin itch.

never in a million years did she expect that from flloyd.

roman? of course. but flloyd?

he was always sweet. he always seemed to listen to her. all the times she told him how worried she was for her brother, and this is what he does?

in all honesty, she would have still been ignoring him if it wasn’t for the event tonight. she was way too anxious about the prom to ignore him. that would just worry her more, so fake smiles and pushing feelings to the side was the way she planned to go.

you’re a fucking cheater.

“no-no i’m not.” she shook her head, her face hot. she couldn’t feel her legs and it was as if she was hovering above midair.

all she could think about was that night.

“it’s not my fault. i-i didn’t choose to dream that.”

but you liked it.

her heart broke. how could she be so careless? flloyd was a sweet boy and this is how she treats him?

flloyd deserves better. so did freddie.

“no, flloyd lied to me—“

you really believe vinnie? yeah because he’s a real reliable source, god. look at you, y/n! you’re fucking sickening.

she shook her head, drake’s fists stopped banging on the door. “no, he was telling the truth.”

you’re dumber now than you were in high school. no wonder you believe vinnie, you’re thighs are clenching together just thinking about him. you’re poor brother outside, worrying about you. little does he know that his little sister is a fucking whore who is using his best friend.

“that’s not what this is, that’s not true.”

why do you think freddie cheated on you in the first place? why do you think brittany left you? all you do is use people and then use ur sad tragic backstory to guilt them back.

drake pressed his forehead against the door, calling out to his sister again, before leaving to find something to unlock the door with.

it’s just like he said. you’re a-

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

FLASHBACK 4 YEARS AGO

“fucking cheater!”

“that was wicked believable, i’m starting to take you seriously.” y/n laughed, a small ounce of worry in her stomach, boiling. she should have listened to it, but understandably she didn’t. i mean, the whole conversation was ridiculous, he couldn’t actually be upset by it, right?

“this isn’t a fucking joke, y/n!” he slammed his phone onto the table, the device sliding from the impact. “get the fuck out!” he slid his hands over his eyes.

wrong.

“wait, you can’t be serious… baby it was only a dream-“

“yeah, sure. get out.” he laughed coldly, looking up at the ceiling of his living room.

“are you fucking serious? freddie, you’re fucking delusional. it was a dream, it was funny. she laughed about it and so did i, we didn’t actually do anything! why are you being such a baby about this-“ y/n was cut off by freddie roughly grabbing her wrist and cornering her towards the wall.

“call me that one more fucking time.” his breath was hot on her cheek and her heart rate was racing. it was hard for her to focus on his words, with the sharp pain shooting through her wrist. she swallowed, her eyes too scared to leave his brown ones. if she knew that he was being serious, she wouldn’t have laughed earlier. now she knew she was in dangerous territory, like walking through a field of land mines. she knew better than to behave like that when freddie was upset.

“you’re hurting me.” her voice was only a mere whisper, and he tilted his head back laughing breathlessly, his grip staying the same.

“i never cheated on you.” she said sincerely, her eyes watering. her face looked like she was about to sob, while freddie’s stayed the same. cold like always.

her entire being changed that second. everything inside of her suddenly felt like it was working against her and not for her. she was internally screaming at herself.

you ruined everything.

how could your mind be so sick and perverted to do something like that?

why would he ever wanna be with you now.

“bullshit. that’s not what she fucking said.”

“what are you talking about?” she wiggled her arm slightly, to try and break his hold on her, but it only pissed him off more, as he bended her wrist backwards till she stopped moving, a small whimper leaving her lips.

“oh please, y/n!” he raised his voice, making her body jolt under his touch. “she told me about the night you two spent together. how you kissed her, how you try to join her whenever she takes showers.”

he’s right, y/n.

you’ve always been close with her. too close. the pet names and the cuddling. nothing in that is domestic.

you’ve been cheating on him this whole time. who’s to say that maybe one time when you were applying her lipgloss, that you didn’t get too lost in her lips and press yours against them?

“i don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, that’s not true!”

“oh, okay, so she’s just lying?!”

britanny would never lie. atleast the britanny y/n knew.

she was her best friend. they’d been friends since they were kids and she had never been uncomfortable before. his words felt artificial as they traveled through her ears. she knew there was no way in hell that this was actually happening. when she told britanny that she had a sex dream about her, the two just laughed it off. it wasn’t nearly a big deal and y/n never thought to tell freddie about it because why would she? it’s just a dream and didn’t mean anything.

of course she would be uncomfortable.

you cling to her like a lost puppy.

she’s your only friend and by the looks of it, it’s gonna change.

watch, he’s gonna leave you too and so you’ll be all alone.

“i-“ freddie rolled his eyes and went to walk away but she pulled him back. “she is! she’s lying! i-i don’t know why but i swear, freddie it’s not true!”

she started crying. her mascara ran and her lips frowned and all she wanted to do was limp away like a lost little puppy. she had no idea what was happening. her brain couldn’t process it. he began going on about how he couldn’t trust her. about how embarrassing it was for him and how he couldn’t be the guy dating the only lesbian in school, but he said it in a much graphic and cruder way that she couldn’t help but be glad to have droned out. he eventually got sick of yelling at her to leave as she was frozen in place and left himself, towards the door.

you cheated.

all you do is hurt people.

look how upset you made him, he’s starting to walk away.

“freddie wait!” the door opening broke her out of her trance and she felt herself drop to her knees momentarily. she stood back up, taking deep breaths and trying to figure out what was happening.

britanny was betraying her. the very same britanny who she used to play on the playground with and share secrets. who she used to sleep over and eat mac and cheese with. who she swore she would be friends with forever.

there was no kiss. no romantic chemistry between them. she never made a move on her nor vice versa. this whole smear campaign was deeper of a betrayal than she saw coming.

her eyes darted to his phone vibrating on the table. he forgot to grab it when he ran off who knows where.

it was a squalid thing to do, going through his phone, in his living room inside his house. under any circumstance, it was deemed messy. well, any other circumstance.

she didn’t expect the notification on his phone to have her best friends name on it.

she unlocked it, knowing the passcode from the previous times she had seen him open it, and she tried to blink her tears away in order to reach the instagram message.

did you tell her yet? ❤️

it was all a plan. freddie was planning on leaving y/n for her best friend. her best friend had been plotting to steal him away for some time now and when y/n confessed her dumb sapphic dream she had about the two, she saw it as a chance to break them up. it made her sick knowing how meaningless the friendship was if she was willing to hurt her this badly just for another boy.

he’s probably on his way to go see her right now. why wouldn’t he? she’s so much better than you are. you’re a monster.

they’ll probably get married and have kids and you’ll still have a body count of one and zero friends, just like you deserve.

she wished she didn’t keep scrolling through their chats, but she couldn’t help herself. it got worse and worse, pictures and heart emojis became fuzzy as the tears came back. once she swiped out of the chat, she saw numerous others. all girls.

she didn’t even have to click on them to know what it was. the last sent texts had already proven it. tons of ‘you’re so fucking sexy’ and ‘she doesn’t have to know’ with a few hearts and water emojis littered in between.

the list was longer than she thought possible. he’d been cheating since two weeks into their two year relationship. just freshman year and she found conversations multiple classmates. her classmates. ones that she thought she could trust. everyone knew they were dating, how did no one tell her?

one date stuck out more than the others and it was a conversation with britanny’s old instagram account on the day that freddie took y/n’s virginity.

she shouldn’t have opened it.

i thought about you when i fucked her tbh.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

the only physical sensation she could feel was the aching of her now-fucked-up ankles from the sixty minute walk home. it felt like her eyes never left the ground, as if the entire timespan was spent watching as her uggs got darker and darker from the rain. the puddles that she’d usually avoid, she treaded through. something about the sixteen year old and how she walked and felt that night, or more-so how she didn’t feel, haunted her. it was like she couldn’t move anything but her legs that were on autopilot. she imaged that she looked like a ghost, her robotic movements lifeless and her tears still kept inside.

the familiar coolness of the doorknob was the only indication that she had arrived home. y/n had never been so dead in her life. closing the door quietly behind her, she felt the harsh burning of her teardrops bundled behind her eyes and she could feel the sweet release of them falling any second. the sound of drake talking on the phone was cathartic, the tv playing quietly in the background.

“drake?”

he glanced behind him, all muscles in his face dropping at the sight of his baby sister. her lip quivered and a tear from each eye fell almost in tune. he didn’t even say anything to the person on the phone as he quickly hung up, y/n bolting towards him at the same time.

drake picked her up in his arms, her wrapping her legs around him and feeling his hands on her back as she sobbed loudly in his neck. she didn’t say anything for a while. she just remembered her brother holding her and bringing her to the couch with him as she wailed, her head laying on his lap for a while while he ran his hands through her hair. she’d never cried so hard or so much in her life.

he was so used to seeing her happy. even if she wasn’t happy, she’d want drake to think so. always strong for her big brother. it was a pain that was unbearable seeing her like this. he didn’t know what to do but his body was dying to do something and he had to convince himself to stay gentle for her. to do what dad would have done.

but god, did she wail that night. heart wrenching sobs that never seemed to die down.

she knew that freddie had anger issues, and would constantly try to convince herself that that part of him wasn’t real. that it was just in her imagination. that he was perfect. she’d put her feelings to the side. always dimming her glow just so he could shine, because she figured that’s how it needed to be. drake remembered the few times he’d heard freddie raise his voice at his sister a little too much for his liking. how badly he wanted to ring his neck then like he wanted to do now.

no man on the planet was good enough for drake havoks sister.

drake was a guy himself, he knew all men were the same. they would just taint her or hurt her and fuck her over, and god knew that drake wanted that to never happen, but he also knew how much she loved love. he couldn’t take that away from her, not when so much of her life had already been ripped from her grasp.

it made sense that he was fine with flloyd and y/n dating. if she was going to date anyone, he’d want it to be with a guy who he knows inside and out. one who’s predictable and knows how dangerous drake can be when he’s upset, especially when his little sisters involved. flloyd’s a smart guy, not super logical and a bit of a dipshit, but a smart enough guy to know well enough to treat y/n like a princess. anything less than that, and drake would tear him apart.

if he was sober at least.

he knew y/n would have to grow up and have her own teenage experience, once that drake would have to deal with and allow, but he had spent so long trying to shield her from it. doing whatever he could to make her appear like a normal girl. like she wasn’t being raised by her brother. letting her have sleepovers with kids, putting on his deep voice and pretending he’s her father over the phone. it made her feel good. it kept eyes from her, and made her less of a target. he even sold his guitar to help buy her uggs when they were in style.

he knew she was already cool but if she wanted to be the cool popular girl at school and needed materialistic things to do so, drake would do whatever he could to make it happen. no amount of money was too much for her. she deserved the things she wanted and more and it killed him that he couldn’t give her that.

that horrible, billowy feeling in his stomach, as the realization that prom was only in a couple days, made him want to break everything in sight.

everything but her.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

NOW

she remembered holding freddie’s phone when his front door opened. his face held an expression different than before, softer than before, until it dropped at the sight of his phone in her hand. the texts shining on the screen.

to this day, she wondered whether or not he was gonna apologize. if he would have still been with her had she never seen the messages on his phone. maybe if she had just stood there and waited for him, he would have come back, arms open and a complete speech about how sorry he was and how much he loved her. maybe he would have kissed her and she wouldn’t have ever found out about his cheating. they would have worn their matching suit and dress to the prom that weekend and they would have never had any difficulties in their relationship ever again. happily ever after from there on out.

but that didn’t happen.

her glossy eyes counteracted his dim ones and she told him that they were over. that there was nothing left.

she remembered how much it hurt her to do so, and to this day she wasn’t sure where the courage and strength to walk out that door had come from.

she remembered crying that weekend, while scrolling through the numerous posts of him and britanny at prom. she didn’t go.

he still wore the suit she picked out for him.

she remembered seeing the familiar ‘x’ symbol next to britannys name, signifying that she had unadded her, and marking the end of their long friendship. losing the two closest people to her, with little to no closure.

she remembered the bruises on her wrist. the night of their breakup wasn’t the only time that he had inflicted bruises there. in fact, there were only brief periods of time when her wrists weren’t bruised. he’d always drag her down school hallways, and even if she told him to stop and that it hurt, he’d just keep doing it.

she didn’t know better though.

she was 14 and never had a boyfriend before. she didn’t necessarily have a representation of what a relationship should be as a kid. so, she just ignored it and would wear bracelets to hide them. they weren’t too pigmented, usually just a bright red at the start and then a dim purple, but the night of the breakup, her wrist had never hurt so bad.

they were bigger and didn’t start a bright red like they usually did. instead, they were an awful deep color, almost like if she had smudged eyeliner on her skin, before turning into a agonizing orange color. she couldn’t fall asleep with her wrist touching anything, or else it’d hurt her and keep her awake. she had even gone to the doctors to make sure it wasn’t sprained. ibuprofen was her best friend for a few weeks.

y/n went into a depression for the rest of highschool. she started going to therapy again and was prescribed meds to help her. up till graduation, she was miserable. the worst part was the nightmares though.

she couldn’t sleep without waking up screaming and crying. everytime she woke up it was like the morning after their breakup, all over again. she’d feel the betrayal and the pain and immediately look to her wrists, expecting to see bruises. she’d pick up her phone expecting to see texts from her now ex boyfriend, thinking that they were still together.

it got to the point where drake started sleeping in her room with her.

it was one night where he went to check on her to make sure she had taken her pills, a bottle of water in his hand.

“drake?”

“yeah?”

“can you stay with me?”

if it wasn’t the absolutely heart wrenching look on her face of desperation, he would have said no. he told her to scootch over and got under the blankets, which were blue at the time. they’d gotten the habit of watching friends together in her bedroom before she’d fall asleep, once he knew she was out of it, he’d slowly make his way to his room. although, often times he’d fall asleep with her.

once she turned 18, he began sleeping on the chair next to her bed, or even on the floor at times, since she was too old to share the bed with comfortably. eventually she got better and the nightmares stopped, but the rest of her school career, she spent nights with her brother, and because of it, it was difficult for him to date or talk to girls. it was as if he was a single father, the way his little sister had taken up so much of his life.

when she finally left the bathroom, drake wasn’t expecting the first words to be about their old friends marathons.

“are you okay?”

“do you remember when you used to sleep in my room?” she asked, seemingly a lot calmer than he assumed she’d be considering she had just threw up and ignored his shouting.

“yeah?” he was puzzled, his demeanor still on guard to make sure she was okay.

“thank you. for doing that. for staying.”

“of course..” she started to walk by him, towards her bedroom. “are you sure you’re okay?”

“yeah! i’m just nervous about tonight that’s all.” she stated with a smile before grabbing her skin care products and starting her morning routine.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

y/n woke up earlier than usual that day, in order to pamper herself as much as possible in preparation for the night. she had been waiting for an opportunity like this for so long and she wasn’t gonna mess it up. she needed to look perfect.

at first, she was gonna wear something more casual of a dress, until kelsey sent her a picture of the dresses that charli and nikita were planning to wear. now, she was hoping her dress would be enough.

she had spent the day texting kelsey, frequently asking questions and pondering on about worries she had. she’d texted mo and even flloyd a few times, trying to push the image of her sex dream with vinnie to the back of her head.

she was extra jumpy, grabbing her bags and making her way to kelsey’s house. the girl had forewarned her that two of her friends, loren gray and brooke kier, would be joining them, which only added to her anxiety. they already were immensely popular and knowing that she would be spending the night with them, including getting ready in front of them, was freaking her out.

this could literally be the biggest day of my life.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

10:30 AM

𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣

𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙠𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚𝙮

@ 𝙠𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙚𝙧

prom anyone? <3

💬4.1K 🔁11K ❤️23K

replies

@ y/n: 👀

@ iamlorengray: oh i’m so ready

4:40 PM

𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣

𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙮/𝙣

@ Y/N

@ hypehouse see you soon 👀

💬2K 🔁4.2K ❤️6.9K

replies

@ userone: WHAT

@ usertwo: IM SO CONFUSED?? NEW HYPE HOUSE MEMBERv???

@ userone: @ usertwo SHUT UP ILL LOSE IT

@ userthree: MOTHER IS FINALLY FEEDING US 🥳

@ userfour: you better fucking post some tiktoks or i stg

@ userfive: UMMM Y/N X CHARLI CROSSOVER??

@ usersix: MEET NIKITA PLEASE

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

when y/n arrived at the address kelsey sent her, her heart stopped. she’d never seen the outside of the british girls house, only ever seeing inside her living room and bedroom in the background of her videos. the place made hazels house look like a kmart, and that’s not even being dramatic. the modern building was in a strange shape that resembled a tetris piece, it’s white walls holding the square windows that y/n could peer through to see the somewhat familiar staircase and halls of the house. she grew even more nervous at the sight of multiple, super expensive, cars in the drive way, one she recognized to be kelsey’s.

she’d spent all day working on skincare and planning, trying not to let the anxiety eat her away, but now that she was here, it all truly sinked in that this was happening. kelsey’s house was an hour away, so she offered to have y/n spend the night there along with brooke, loren, and their dates. she obviously agreed, given the opportunity to make more friends in the industry, yet would be lying if she said she wasn’t terrified. she quickly texted the brunette to tell her that she had arrived and waited for her response.

Kelsey 😘:

hey! come through the side door, i left it unlocked. ❤️💖😘

here goes nothing

she ignored the icky nervous feeling that sat in the pit of her stomach, as she continued her way towards the house, slamming the car door and leaving some of her stuff in the car while carrying the smaller things with her. her fingers gripped onto the bags she was holding, forming a tight fist till her knuckles became white, as a way to release some of the immense and sickly tension she felt in her chest. silver rings were worn on almost every finger, in honor of the special occasion. the girl felt weird walking into someone else’s house, especially one she had never been inside before, but since kelsey told her to, she opened the slider door.

entering the lavish building, she was immediately met with the sound of loren laughing nearby. it was a welcoming sound, despite not even seeing them face to face yet. her giggles were adorable and were sent through the hallways, leaving a light echo that traveled along the interior of the large, unexplored building. kelsey’s familiar berkshire accent droned out the laughs from the blonde girl, and while y/n couldn’t make out exactly what she was saying, kelsey was never known to be quiet— her booming voice always draping over others and gaining everyone’s attention. even though some may find it annoying, y/n thought it was endearing the way the girl’s personality shone through her voice.

“she’s here!” kelsey shouted, hearing the slam of the slider door.

“hi!” y/n called out, a smile on her face as she walked towards them. the two girls were seated at a black granite counter that was off to the side of the kitchen, contrasting the white island of the kitchen. it was a different set up, as if there was a mini area with just a table that separated the kitchen from the living room.

there was make-up scattered around them, multiple cosmetic bags and two round mirrors with white lights around the rim. she noted the charcuterie board in the center of the counter with numerous fruits, all cut into different shapes, and while brooke arrived back from her trip to the bathroom and loren and kelsey got up to greet the girl, y/n felt her worries slowly get dimmer.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

all of the blueberry’s laid out amongst the fruit, had been eaten by y/n by the time everyone was done getting ready. she loved her two new now friends, but loren was definitely connecting to her on a different level. brooke was sweet but seemed a lot more distant. they immediately did what they could to make y/n feel more included, which started by loren offering her to pick the songs that they played while getting ready. y/n mentioned one direction, knowing that loren liked them as well. truth is, y/n always liked them but after meeting hazel and knowing that she’s loosely linked to them, it made her wanna go back and listen to the heartthrob band again.

they made small talk while trying to get to know the girl, including them asking about who her date for the night would be which resulted in an awkward attempt at y/n briefly touching on vinnie’s existence— the one boy who the girl already couldn’t stop thinking about.

she felt like she had fucked him. obviously she didn’t, and it was just a dream—so moreso like her subconscious fucked him— but boy did she feel guilty. her entire body was pulsating with nerves about what it was going to be like seeing him again. it all felt so real. the way he looked up at her from between his thighs…and it was a clearer image in her head than most actual memories were. she had the feeling that he would be able to know that somethings up, he had a way of reading her like that, so she focused on the drink that kelsey’s boyfriend sebastian gave her and the eyeshadow brush in between her fingers.

her makeup was fairly simple compared to the other girls, but she opted for a blue eyeliner instead of a black one when applying her winged liner, which matched with her space cadet blue dress.

the dress was an a-line gown that was lacy and sheer at the top and had spaghetti straps to go around her shoulders. the dress was sparkly all over, so much so that it would shimmer even when in the dark.

loren had a dress a similar color, but was a lighter teal and hugged her body a bit more than y/n’s did. it was sleeveless and arched at the chest with a long slit down the side, and had more glitter than y/n’s dress did. she braided brooke’s hair back while brooke strapped her black heels on. brooke wore a hot pink satin dress that had ripples in the front and a trail in the back while kelsey wore a more casual bodycon dress that was a glittery black.

y/n’s dress was the most gown-like and because of it, she second guessed herself that she was overdressed, which prompted the girls to remind her what the other partygoers were going to be wearing which immediately shut her up.

the whole afternoon, she spent with her phone nearby. she told the girls that it was because flloyd kept texting her, but the real reason was that she was anxious about vinnie.

what if he comes in a pair of sweatpants?

what if he doesn’t show up at all?

am i gonna regret this?

her mind was going 5x speed through all of the possible outcomes that could happen, even as they all were leaving.

brooke’s boyfriend and loren’s date were going to meet them there, along with vinnie, while sebastian and kelsey sat together, hand in hand, in the center of the limo they were in.

“you really never went to prom?” her british accent cut through the girls thoughts as she mindlessly played with the multiple silver rings on her fingers, her nails blue with stars painted on them.

“no…i didn’t.” her lips made a thin line and she crossed her legs, looking at the other two girls who were smiling back at her. she sat beside loren while brooke sat on the end, kelsey and her date across from them. brooke and loren were drinking what looked like champagne and were playing some song from the speaker of their phone, chanting and clearly excited for the night.

calm down, y/n.

everything’s gonna be fine.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

vinnie 🐞🤍

we just got here, are u close?

hello?

yeah

where are you

road was busy calm down i’ll be there in a sec

okay

everyone is walking in vinnie where are you

hurry up i’m holding everyone up

i’m here

“i’m sorry, he said he’s here.” she turned around, walking forwards down the path towards the gate and peered over the bushes and the cars, trying to see him. she had no idea what his car looked like, so she was a lost cause.

“hey.”

y/n jumped at the sudden voice in close proximity to her and her startled legs shook in her heels, causing her to lose her footing for a second till a hand grabbed her waist to steady her.

“hey, woah. you good?”

“god, vinnie— you scared me!” she put a hand on his chest, the space cadet blue suit sparking her interest.

she couldn’t believe it.

she assumed that he would wear something simple, but boy was she wrong. the color was exact and it fit him perfectly. not only that, but his nails were painted black, a detail she noticed as he scratched his scruff.

he looked so sexy that it was borderline dangerous.

y/n suddenly grew wary of the girls around them, a territorial instinct twisting inside of her.

oh god, get it together the night hasn’t even started yet.

“something wrong?” he asked, prying her eyes to meet his instead of looking at his tattoos that shown on his chest beneath the opened up white button up under his suit, perfectly placed under his silver chains. she couldn’t believe what she was looking at, it was almost too good to be true. his lips were puffy as if he had been chewing on them nervously and he leaned towards her, waiting for her to answer.

“i didn’t think you’d actually come.”

“yeah, well-“ he scoffed, letting his eyes wander downwards to land on her body.

he immediately regretted doing so.

y/n was a stunning girl, that was obvious, but something about seeing her in a gown like a princess with her hair straight and put together behind her shoulders, was killing him in ways he never thought would.

vinnie had never really found dresses attractive like that before.

but y/n? seeing her in one is changing his mind.

he cleared his throat, “you have something for me?” motioning to the box behind the girls back.

“oh, yeah. here.” pinning the white flower to his chest, she then noticed the corsage the boy was holding. “you got a corsage?” she asked, trying to ignore the way he gulped as he looked down at her while she applied it to the fabric.

“well, yeah.”

“have you been to prom before?”

“nope.”

“oh…” the two started walking towards the entrance of the mansion, “me neither.”

after awkwardly introducing him to the girls and their dates, they made their way inside.

“wait.” vinnie blurted, causing his date to turn around confused. the look on his face showed that he truly wasn’t expecting the word to leave his mouth, but once it did, he couldn’t stop.

“you look really beautiful tonight.”

an immediate blush arose to the girls cheeks but she tried to play it cool, thanking him. “you don’t look too bad yourself.”

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

this is the event she got all worried about?

sure, the place was filled to the brim with influencers, but it was filled with even more camera crews with cameras that were only focused on the hype house members.

she could barely get a word in with how busy with the crews they were. she assumed that they were talking about whatever drama was happening for their netflix documentary, but they forgot about everyone else in at the party, or they just didn’t care.

it was honestly pathetic.

there wasn’t really meeting new people, instead it was just groups of already friends with their dates talking in corners while trying to hide substances from the cameras that were lingering around the place. while brooke and kelsey were busy with their dates, loren was single but that didn’t stop her from being in the center of the dance floor (if you could even call it that). as soon as they finished taking pictures at the photobooths, they all jumped to doing their own thing. loren stopped to make sure y/n didn’t wanna join her, but she opted to stay alone with vinnie and uncomfortably be in the corner away from the hectic mess.

it wasn’t very ‘influencer’ of her, but honestly? her brain was so broken from vinnie’s presence that she found it more exciting standing beside him than meeting and gossiping with charlie and dixie.

she thought that she was fine, but then she’d get hit with flashes of the image of vinnie shirtless on top of her, and she’d lose focus. instead of paying attention to what could be the biggest moment of her life, she couldn’t help but wonder how big her dates dick was and she swore he could read her thoughts with the way he kept eye fucking her.

it felt good seeing how his focus stayed on her rather than the numerous hot girls that surrounded him.

that was until it didn’t.

one girl in particular started chatting the boy up and even though he clearly wasn’t interested, y/n’s vision made it seem that he was. he knew that this was merely for business. that y/n would rather go with any other guy, but he happened to be the best fit; but that didn’t stop him from wanting to give her a good time.

it started with him dragging her more towards the action, keeping his distance while dancing to whatever lil wayne song was playing in the background, but he grew more and more aggressive throughout the songs.

what y/n didn’t know was that some hype house guy kept staring down the valley of her breasts whenever she would face his way, causing hacker to clench his jaw and redirect her so she was looking at him.

“you okay?” she shouted over the music. he insisted he was fine just to keep her dancing. vinnie’s brain kept repeating the same thing;

she’s dressed like a princess, she shouldn’t be ogled so inappropriately by fuckboys.

in fact, she shouldn’t be talking to any guys here as far as i’m concerned.

vinnie hacker? possessive?

usually not, but tonight he was.

♫ 𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜: 𝙧𝙚𝙙𝙗𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙗𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙝 𝙜𝙖𝙢𝙗𝙞𝙣𝙤

“come onnnn..” he dragged out, barely any liquor in his or his dates system.

“you seriously wanna dance? to this song?”

i used to know but now that shit don’t feel right

it made me put away my pride

every one was slow dancing with their dates and vinnie saw the opportunity to do the same with her. after seeing how upset she looked watching all the couples kiss and dance, he figured she deserved at least one good dance.

“if you don’t dance with me right now, i will take my pants off in the middle of the dance floor, havok.”

“fuck! okay, fine i’m coming. i just..didn’t think you’d wanna dance to be honest.”

i’m wishing i could make this mine

his tattooed hands found themselves on her waist, and for someone who hadn’t been to prom, he seemed to know a thing or two about slow dancing. he was a gentleman to her all night, and she couldn’t believe it. no lewd comments or crude jokes; yes, he would imagine her without the dress on whenever she’d look away and memorize her body, but she didn’t need to know that, hence she was doing the same thing. the slim line between her dream and reality was becoming slimmer by the second and that look in his eyes when she’d talk to him wasn’t helping.

think about flloyd.

think about drake.

if you need it

we could make it

“it’s prom, of course i wanna dance. i’m not a loser.”

usually vinnie knows the things that make him tick. what to do to get him going and what to avoid thinking about, especially in public, but right now he had no fucking idea.

if you want it

you can have it

her chest was in such close proximity to him that he could feel her body heat. while the thought of her sex dream with him finally left y/n’s mind, vinnie’s just got dirtier.

maybe it’s the fact that she doesn’t try to change him. maybe it’s how she is honest with him or maybe how she’s his polar opposite.

but then again, it could also be how she looks like an absolute royalty just begging to be fucked.

whatever he’d have to do in order to have her then and there at that party, he would do.

they gon find you

gon catch you sleepin

her cheek rested against his shoulder and he concealed his thoughts as best to his ability. he couldn’t let her know what he was thinking, he needed her to think that he couldn’t care less. vinnie hacker at a prom? never, he’s too cool for that.

but little did she know that he was just about red hot in her arms.

now don’t you close your eyes

is there sex pollen in the air?

what is it that is making the boy so fucking horny for the girl he was holding? while she talked he prayed that she’d keep her face where it was, scared that the sight of her lips and her eyes looking up at him would snap the cord that was in his chest.

“i’m sorry for dragging you to this…it’s not as fun as i assumed it’d be.”

it was true. she thought that she’d be right in the middle of the hype house members, filming tiktoks with them and listening to their dirty secrets, but instead it was clearly just for pr. she wondered what a real hype house party would be like. one that wasn’t monetized and full of camera men. she assumed that she’d like it a lot more than this.

“i’m just glad that you’re actually making an effort and not fucking some girl on a bathroom sink.”

too late

you wanna make it right but now it’s too late

those words were enough to push him over the edge.

hearing her say ‘fucking’ and ‘bathroom sink’ made him think about how it felt when he hooked up with hazel after seeing y/n’s chest covered in water that she ‘spilled’ onto herself. he wondered how loud her moans would be against shower walls. would the partygoers be able to hear them through all the noise? he’d make sure that they did.

“jesus fuc-“ he lightly pulled away, y/n looking up at him confused.

“what’d you say?”

vinnie felt a buzz in his pocket, signifying that he got a text message. “nothing-no, i was just saying that you really owe me for this..” his hand went to the back of her head, keeping her against his chest as they swayed. he snaked an arm out to check his phone, cursing mentally about how perfect the night would have been if it wasn’t for his immense horniness;

that, and the fact that the text he got was from hazel who was outside of the hype house calling his name.

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

@justalostgirl @obliviatevamps @letsjustbeourselves

@starslcve @bakerkells @mrs-woodwesleyobrien

@isabelleforest73 @creepytoes88 @wrldofspice

@soapiaa @tremendousalpacawitch @devilsbooksworld

@lidiyabest @maurauderswhxre @tranquiiit @etleseraphin

@heizenka @radioblah-blah @eilishbby @laylasbunbunny

#vinnie hacker #vinnie hacker x reader #the boxer #vinnie hacker imagines #vinnie hacker smut #vinnie hacker fanfic #the boxer fic #vinnie x reader #vinnie hacker fanfiction

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tuliptic · 1 year

Text

FS: but make it Financial Stability

I believe those who have trouble with finances may have thought about this, how to achieve financial stability, when will it happen, and more questions about this topic. Cuz, same, I still have trouble with my own finances, which was why I thought about this topic and to perhaps share some insights with y’all as well as myself.

Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and ask yourself the question. Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.

Pile 1 - Pile 2

Pile 3 - Pile 4

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever that you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. That aside, I do not consent to my work or images used here to be used by third parties on this platform or other websites.

Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck, self made lyrics deck.

Pile 1

Overall theme of querent: The Hierophant rx

You’re someone who’s always thinking out of the box, trying new things and new ideas, despite the complaints and noises from others. You believe in your street smarts and they’ve helped you. What didn’t help you also helped you in a way, where you slowly become more grounded and think of the various outcomes instead of believing in one. Your spirit is full of energy and you work with it, reaching your highest good.

1. What is your definition of financial stability? Justice

You believe that financial stability is something critical and balance can be maintained. It’s like… There’s a balance of in and out, something stable. And they’re spent on things that are necessary. You do keep some aside for occasional leisure and luxury, but as long as your needs are fulfilled, you’ll be pretty satisfied with it.

2. What do you wish to achieve with financial stability? Five of Swords rx

You wish to stop feeling so defeated in life. You probably have been feeling defeated in terms of finance, maybe spending too much or things around you hadn’t been easy and you can’t save up for any necessary needs. So yeah, you wish to be freed from this feeling of despair, want to be freed from any fears of getting into trouble without the necessary finance capability. You also want to achieve that sense of peace you never had with financial stability.

3. When will I achieve financial stability? Strength

When you’ve regained your strength and have utilised them properly. I think you also should recognize your strengths, your plus point, what you’re good at, and to use them to your benefit. If you’re an artist, make sure you price your work accordingly; if you’re a translator, make sure your company pays you according to your skills. Something like this, recognize your strength and use them to your max. Have side jobs if you can. Work with your dreams, whatever you’ve dreamed of, and reach your highest good.

4. How should I achieve financial stability? Judgement, Ten of Pentacles rx, The Star rx

Be able to discern what is needed and what can be worked on. Do not let other people (especially your family) guilt trip you into giving them money. I’m seeing this guilt tripping a lot. Most of you probably have been giving your family too much to the point you have negative for yourself. This shouldn’t be the case. You should start nurturing yourself by rejecting any and every negativity in your life. Sure, family is difficult to say no to, it’s difficult to confront your family, but at least, set a clear boundary. What I’m speaking right now is gonna be difficult to digest, yet you know that you really need to take action.

If there is anything that requires clarification (especially certain bills that you’re paying), clarify with the persons in charge. Who knows, you might be scammed. You also have The Star here as well, so there’s hope that things will be better. Dreams will not end, so don’t give up, work and walk towards them. All the best of luck in walking towards a new you, someone who’s financially stable in the future.

Overall energy: The Magician, The Sun, Five of Cups

You’re actually someone who’s hella capable of achieving your dreams, you’re also a good manifestor. You just need someone to bring some sunshine into your life, and you can generate good things with that solar power you’re receiving. Pardon my words as I’m running high on caffeine and low on sleep, but I hope you understand what I’m saying.

Yet now, you’re in a state of depression, of sadness, unable to escape the current phase you’re at. It’s stressing you out, it’s bringing you a lot of tears. You’re called to love yourself, to place yourself above everything. If things are difficult, try communicating with your loved ones. You may receive different insights.

Pile 2

Overall theme of querent: The Sun

There’s a new found hope in you that I’m seeing, where you’re reconnecting with your inner child through fun and play. You still give me a mature vibe, but you’re learning to appreciate your inner child’s curiosity and letting them run free in the meadows, by the stream and all. I’m seeing a lot of nature themed here as well, since there’s the meadows and all. Connecting to the earth?

1. What is your definition of financial stability? The World rx

You probably think financial stability is something that’s close to impossible to achieve. There’s so, so much to learn about finances, and paired with what inflation is like? It’s almost impossible to get the financial stability you craved for. However, you do try to learn about how and what financial stability is like, and how you can achieve it. There’s some air energy here where you are thinking a lot about how to utilise your finances.

2. What do you wish to achieve with financial stability? Nine of Wands

To be able to go through sudden tough times without much of a concern, that you have a fixed asset. I’m seeing that you have some worries about the future, wanting to save up for any possible emergencies. Yeah, that. You have been through some rough times and now, you’re probably working on ways to have a certain amount of savings to help you through sudden hard times.

Know that sometimes, you can’t really rush things. Try to stay calm and take baby steps. Especially since finance is money related and money is earth related and earth themes are usually slow and steady. I hope I’m making sense here.

3. When will I achieve financial stability? Eight of Cups

I am feeling that there’s some sort of fear and self limiting thoughts here that you’ll need to walk away from. Also some sort of disappointment. See, there may be times that you’ve been disappointed. Maybe manifestation didn’t really work out well for you, or maybe you thought you’d get a certain amount of money but you got less than that. And since then, you’ve been having fears that you need a lot of money only you can be assured, but it only feeds more negativity into your brain. This is when you’re called to let go of those thoughts.

That aside, I’m also seeing a possibility of a community that will be helpful in assisting you achieving financial stability. Maybe by providing assistance or some community will be willing to pay for your services.

4. How should I achieve financial stability? Temperance rx, Five of Pentacles rx, King of Wands rx

You’ll need to regain the balance you’ve lost. The inner balance, the financial balance, etc. Every sort of balance, even to get back a balanced diet. Cuz once everything is in balance, a steady amount of riches can only come to you.

This pile gives me the feeling of abundance. And some themes of partners. Y’all prolly have some 8H placements, maybe Venus or Jupiter in it or prominent Venus and/or Jupiter. You also give me the energy that you’d like to use your past experience to help out people who are going through a similar experience.

Overall energy: The Lovers, The Fool

There’s some form of romantic love that I’m picking up on, which I also mentioned in the previous paragraphs. The road to financial stability will be a long journey, so you’re called to let go of whatever burdens you’re holding, be kind to yourself and share the beauty of your journey with whomever you meet. It’s time to stop wallowing and questioning. Just plan and act. You’re acting on your passions and dreams on achieving what you want to achieve. Go for it, go get it.

Pile 3

Overall theme of querent: The Hierophant

I’m seeing you’re someone who’s somewhat traditional? Like… Following what has been taught in your household without thinking twice or even finding reasons to justify. I’m seeing themes of families here, but not in a very… positive view. It’s like the same toxic cycle that’s repeating itself again and again. You know you’re in that cycle but you can’t break out of it.

1. What is your definition of financial stability? The Magician

You believe financial stability is something… Where money keeps coming in (infinity sign). The Magician is a card of manifestation and you believe that money can come in by just manifesting, but just attracting them into your life.

However, you may have failed to see the other side of The Magician. This card is a card of alchemy. To gain something, another thing of equal value must first be lost. This is one part you’ve never seen, hoping for the cash to come in without doing any work.

2. What do you wish to achieve with financial stability? The Devil

I’m seeing addictive behaviours here. Some form of overspending as well. Like… With financial stability, you’d want to be able to lavish yourself with physical and material wealth. Not only for yourself, but also buying unnecessary things for your friends as well. Just… be able to spend money recklessly.

Of course, coming with this will be some discomfort and you may not be emotionally available when your friends come to you for help. There’s just… A lot of unsettling energy here in this. Remember, financial abundance is not financial stability.

3. When will I achieve financial stability? Two of Pentacles rx

There’s some form of disorganisation I’m seeing here, lack of time management as well. You may think you’re working and doing your best to earn that cash, but you don’t notice you’re also losing some other forms of riches (love, connection, health) from overworking. It’s a sign that there’s too much movement, and you need to return to the roots, return to balance. Once you’ve done that, financial stability will come to you. You’ll see that you’ll welcome it easily and comfortably, instead of burning yourself out of whatever that’s remaining of you.

4. How should I achieve financial stability? The Hanged Man rx, Ten of Swords, The Fool rx, Five of Pentacles, Temperance

Stop delaying your rest, redefine what you wanted to achieve and come up with a realistic plan for it. Make sure your plans are sustainable and achievable. You may need to go through a significant ending that may be painful, may it be realising that your mindset is amiss, that there may be betrayals of any sort, and you’re called to acknowledge them and let them go.

Stop being reckless with how you spend your money. There's some form of irresponsibility here that you are called to tackle. Remember to not be the Fool without any savings for emergencies.

Also, remember that balance and moderation is necessary, spend on what’s needed, earn for what’s needed. Living honestly will make you stronger. You already know that you won’t be losing to anyone when it comes to feelings and determination, so get up again after you’ve fallen. Good luck and let’s go meet the new you in the future.

Overall energy: Wheel of Fortune

There’s a theme of divine timing and also actions that are needed to take from your side. Nothing will come to you if you don’t work hard for it, and now you need to align your view (spin the wheel) and head towards the direction you want to go. Remember to surround yourself with those who can support your new found vision and share your new found values. Structure is very much needed here and some of you may be Saturn dominant, or have prominent MC (maybe your MC makes some sort of aspect to your Sun or Saturn). You’ve wanted to be free, so reach out your hand to freedom.

Note: The energy here is very muddled, dark. It doesn’t feel as bright and hopeful as the other piles. The cards are messed, and they keep falling, like things are falling apart. I had difficulty breathing, as though there’s a weight on me, like… the energy is heavy.

Pile 4

Overall theme of querent: The World

You’re prolly someone who’s been working on yourself. A lot. I see that you’ve been through the various phases of life and you’re now assembling the pieces, assembling the lessons you’ve learnt. I’m seeing more tough and difficult lessons, but you’ve fought through them with grit and maybe, by pure spite. Still, you made it out. I’m so happy and proud of you for reaching where you are today.

1. What is your definition of financial stability? The Chariot

Financial stability is something that’s continuous. It’s like… Steady. Having a steady and continuous income so that your basic necessities are covered. I’m seeing it reaching at least the Love and Belonging stage of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (read up on it if you haven’t known about it).

2. What do you wish to achieve with financial stability? Three of Wands

Freedom. This card talks about overseas opportunities and I’m seeing it as having the financial freedom to go wherever you want. Sometimes, we’ve been so focused on dealing with the necessities to the point we’re unable to enjoy the things we’ve always wanted to. In your case, travelling may be one of it, may it be travelling for a break, or travelling to see a friend.

You may also want that financial freedom to help those who are in need. You may probably have been helped by others and now, you want to return the favour. Or go on a trip with your friends. I’m seeing a lot of friend themed messages here tbh.

3. When will I achieve financial stability? Two of Swords rx

You’re currently in a stalemate, having difficult decisions to make. There’s a need for you to investigate and compare the choices you have, to discern and make sure that you’re not being manipulated into making certain finance related decisions. In the end, decisions will still need to be made, no matter how difficult it is.

Also, I’m also seeing a possibility that you’ll find a solution if you’re encountering troubles. It’s like the bandage covering your eyes is falling kinda feel. But be aware that there may be hidden difficulties that you can’t foresee. Make sure to keep any documents with you to avoid any possible dispute during then.

4. How should I achieve financial stability? Ace of Cups, Queen of Pentacles rx, The Hermit rx

I’m seeing artistic flow here. Maybe you can use your artistic skills to assist you as your side job? Open yourself to inspiration and watch creativity flow through you, allowing yourself to be free and create art as freely as water. It can also be healing if you’re doing it as a form of meditation.

You need to change the distribution of energy, finance and time you have for other people in your life. It feels like a personal alignment change, where you need to discern who to have in your life and who’s feeding off you. Surround yourself with people you trust, a community you trust in.

Create your own peace, prosperity and joy in your life. This sounds hard but it can be done slowly by retreating and meditation. I feel that you’ve been so… Anxious and overwhelmed by what’s happening in the external world that you’ve forgotten to tune into yourself, to allow your heart to breathe a bit. Your abundance lies in how peaceful you are with yourself. I hope I’m making sense here. It’s like peace is one of your greatest assets, and it’s something you need the most, especially when times are difficult.

Overall energy: The Star, Two of Cups

Two of Cups, a card I associate with romantic love and trust. Basically the total combination of the cards here just talks about how you’ve been attracting love and hope that prolly comes with the financial stability. And there’s Taurus here, to cultivate and to work on whatever passion and love. Also maybe cuz I did this reading on Valentine’s day and there may be something going on during then. I no longer make sense I know.

#tuliptic #🌷#pick a card #pick a picture #fs: but make it financial stability #financial stability #tarot reading #this reading is something i've had a slightly hard time doing #and i'll have more difficult PACs coming up #most probably that the topic isn't something that's well talked #to the point i don't have much information and knowledge on my side as well #my fault #sorry

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multi-fxndom446 · 1 year

Text

I’d give up forever

Hawks x reader

Warnings: cussing, slight angst, SPOILERS, the length alone should be warning in itself😭 timeline also may be a little fucked oh well. Sarcasm

Summary: Keigo is definitely not falling in love with you

Inspired by these lyrics in Iris:

I’d give up forever to touch you

You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be and I don’t wanna go home right now

I don’t want the world to see me

Cause I don’t think that’d they’d understand

I just want you to know who I am

—

It’s cold.

Freezing even.

But hawks didn’t care. He’s to tired to care. This life can become a tiresome one when you feel like you have nothing to live for other then gathering information for hero’s.

He was so tired.

Flying around for hours on end, keeping his senses alert for any sort of danger then in the late hours of the night he’d stalk away to the darkest corners to meet with the league to continue to try and prove his loyalty to them.

It was all to much. He just needed the world to stop, to slow down for one minute. One god forsaken minute. But it wouldn’t. At least not yet.

People below him would shout up at him in glee all day, children chased him till there legs grew tired, paparazzi was always on his ass and for once he just needed to be away from society.

Which is exactly what he was doing now. His shift ended hours ago and for once he didn’t have to meet up with the league so he took the time to scout out a building with a nice view away from the city and soon enough he found it.

It was an apartment building on the outskirts of town, hardly noticeable. He landed on the roof of the building, it wasn’t the tallest but he just wanted something that would allow him to breathe.

He sat on the edge of the building and pulled his coat tighter around his face while the chilled air blew past him.

The passerby’s never would assume the number two hero would be all the way out here so none of them cared to look up at the building, they just continued about there night.

He was happy for one moment just a singular moment till he heard a door on the roof slam open and a loud “hey!” Hawks let out an anguished sigh, letting his head drop down. “You’re not gonna jump are you?”

That caught him off guard. He looked back at the person, at you, then looked down the building at what would not be a deadly drop at all. “No?” He replied

You sighed in relief. “Good you would’ve made my job a hell of a lot harder.” You said as you made your way to him, letting the door you slammed open shut softly behind you.

“You’re not paparazzi are you?”

You looked over at him in utter offense, “do I look like paparazzi?”

Now that he took a better look at you, you definitely didn’t look like paparazzi. You were in pajamas with fuzzy slippers on and your hair was pinned up. “I guess not.”

Minutes of silence passed where the hero was hoping you would leave but you stayed glued to your spot a few feet away from him. “You took away my think on a building top time.” He finally muttered, glancing at you.

You shrugged, “not my fault you decided my apartment was the building of your choosing. I pay to live here this is technically my building top. Whats your excuse?”

“Just wanted a moment to breathe.” You finally looked towards him and saw the distant look in his eyes when he glanced away from you.

“Being number two is hard isn’t it?” He nodded slightly. “Well you can use my roof top anytime you need. All the civilians out here are old folks so they won’t bother you. Cant say the same for me.”

Finally you started heading back inside. “You’re leaving?” His words came out faster then he could realize. You turned back to him with a grin.

“Well I know you’re not suicidal anynore so yeah. You did give me a heart attack though.” You pointed back towards him “not every day you see someone legs dangling from your window.”

Hawks quickly looked down again to see if you were right and sure enough your kitchen window was right where his feet were. He turned back to you, “I’m s-“ but was met with the soft click of the door closing shut.

Needless to say he pulled his feet away from your window.

It wouldn’t be until weeks later that hawks would return to your apartment building. The League, more specifically Dabi, had been on his every movement and he was exhausted of options on where to hide out to find peace.

Is what he’d like to say about why he found himself ontop your building again. But in truth he found himself there again after weeks of thinking about you, something about you peaked his interest and finally he came back.

It was dark when he came back and he could see your were already on the roof looking out at the city. “You’re not gonna jump are you?” He asked, watching you jump and turn to him quickly.

You tsked and rolled your eyes at him when you saw the faint smirk on his face. “Of course not.”

“Oh good.” He said while he landed softly next to just a few feet away and suddenly he had a sense of De ja vu. “You made my job a whole lot easier.”

He smiled slightly when you breathed out a little laugh at him starting the conversation the same way you had all those weeks ago. You were silent for a moment before you let a grin slip, “you ruined my think on a building time.” You finally said

He laughed, “terribly sorry, want me to leave?” At this you pretended to ponder on the thought before shaking your head softly.

“I suppose it’s okay.” You glanced at him smiling gently. One thing you couldn’t deny, the man was incredibly handsome. “What brings the number two pro back here anyways?”

You.

Is what he wants to say but stops himself before he does. “To escape work.” He sneaks a glance at you while you weren’t paying attention. “And the fangirls.”

“Oh but why they must be so fun!” You exaggerate, turning to him with the most lovesick look you could put on.

He smiles and gives into your jokes. “Don’t tell me your my number one fangirl and you followed me all day just to catch me here?”

You gasped, “oh my I thought I hid it better.” You frowned and pouted your lip. He wouldn’t admit how cute he thought the action was. Before he could think about it more you started dying laughing and you smacked him on the arm. “As if hawks. If anything I’m your biggest hater you make my job so difficult.”

He raised an eyebrow at you suddenly realizing he never asked what you do. “And what is your job exactly?”

“I work at a hero agency.” You replied simply but he felt like his heart stopped for a second.

‘Don’t tell me you work at my agency?’ He pleaded with himself. That would make him look like such a dick for not recognizing you.

You, seeming to understand his look, quickly shook your head. “Not your agency! Endeavors!” You got out and he visibly relaxed. “I work in an office with like 20 other people who keep up his appearance as best as we can. So bad articles, rumors. All of them. They get sent to us and we twist it however we need to to keep up his image. So imagine what I’d have to write that night if you jumped ‘endeavors best friend dead’”

Hawks turned to you quickly, “I’m his best friend?!”

“You wish.” You replied quickly and he frowned. “I think if he could he would’ve killed you by now, you cause him a lot of trouble.”

“We’ve only talked a few times!” He defended which was true, they had only spoken a few times after the rating and had a few small conversations before them.

“So imagine how much trouble you are from only a few conversations!” You laughed, bumping his shoulder and his frown melted into a small smile. “Anyways tell me about yourself.”

Immediately his guard went up, something you noticed. “What’s there to know? You already know everything?” You eyed him. He had a carefree smirk on his face so you decided to play.

“Like what, that you hold the record for youngest top pro hero?”

His smirk only grew, “you looked me up?”

“It’s common knowledge.” You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the small pink that dusted your cheeks. He went to open his mouth with probably another smart remark when he quickly turned away from you with a hand held up to his head phones. You had eyed them earlier but didn’t know what he actually used them for, it looked like it was a communication device.

Finally, he turned back to you with an easy grin. “Sorry, gotta head out duty calls.” He started flying up, “let’s continue this another time,” for the second time that night hawks was mortified he didn’t ask your name.

You laughed at his expression. “Y/n. And we will.” You smiled, watching him fly away.

The following days Hawks would find himself at your building more often then not. Sometimes you’d be there and sometimes you wouldn’t. One of the nights he finally caught you he was waiting on the edge of your balcony and scared you shitless.

You had explained to him then that with Endeavor reaching number 1 the bad articles had become ten times worse with criticism and spiteful rumors. It was the same night you finally invited him into your apartment.

The two of you talked for hours on end while you ate and drank wine. He only had one glass so he was still sober enough to hear you spill every detail about your life to him and he gave you as little information about him as he could.

He could tell it bothered you a little that he wouldn’t open up but you didn’t pry and for that he was appreciative. Finally after you had drank through enough wine your eyes became droopy and you fell asleep on his shoulder.

He would definitely leave out the part where it made his heart skip a beat.

The next day when he went to Endeavors office building he searched for you but had no idea where to even start and he was trying to be discreet about it.

He did ask the number 1 himself a few days prior but of course he had never even heard your name before and why would he in such a huge company like his. “Ah you should pay more attention to your employees.” Hawks had scolded him at the time and was only met with a grunt in annoyance while Endeavor continued to try and avoid him.

“Excuse me?” He stopped at the reception desk. The poor girl looked absolutely stunned. “I’m sorry to ask but do you know a Y/n that works here?”

Her mouth fell apart slightly while she nodded her head and turned to point towards a set of doors, “that’s where all the lower offices are she should be in there.” She finally got out.

“Thank you!” He gave her his charming smile and went to walk that direction when Endeavor stopped him.

“What business do you have with my offices?” He had asked, pulling him away towards the elevator.

Hawks allowed himself to be dragged by the bigger man, smiling and waving at the receptionist. “I have a friend who works here I wanted to say hi.”

Endeavor groaned. “Don’t tell me I have a fangirl of yours working for me?” Hawks shook his head sternly at that.

“Definitely not. She’s my biggest hater.” Finally being let go, hawks watched as another girl appeared at the front desk and her gaze snapped to Hawks immediately before she quickly ran through the doors he was trying to go through.

“I heard you were looking for me today.” You asked that night when you found Hawks on the roof again. He turned to you with a smile.

“Was it those two girls?” You nodded and stood next to him. He was sitting on the ledge, one leg dangling over and the other bent so he could rest his chin on it. His wings were tucked nicely behind him so he could see you. “They seemed like gossipers.”

“They arent-“ he gave you a look. “Okay they absolutely are but they’re actually my friends so they wanted to interrogate me as to why the number 2 was looking for me.”

He hummed, “cant a friend just say hi?” He noticed you deflate a little at his sentence but the next second you grinned and nodded.

“I guess they can.”

You both sat in silence for a moment before he decided to speak again. “I’m s-“

“Your h-“

You both stared at each other when you spoke at the same time. You broke into laughter and told him to go ahead but he was to busy watching the way you smiled so easily to remember what he was even going to say. “No you go I forgot.”

After a few more seconds you gathered yourself and turned to him, “your headphones. What do you use them for?” You asked pointing at your ears. “Are they like a communication device?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He joked and you nodded, “guess you’d just have to wear them to find out.”

Now when saying this he didn’t exactly expect you to immediately go to grab them from his head but he also didn’t know that you’d been wondering about them since that night.

He watched you with wide eyes as you leaned closer to him and gently plucked them from his head. He could feel the warmth from your hands on his cheeks and he couldn’t help the soft sigh that escaped him at how close you were to him, he could see the shades of color in your eyes from where you were.

To him it felt like you were there in front of him forever but then seconds later you leaned back again and put them on your head, instantly the world became muffled and you shot him a confused glance but he was still to stunned to move.

When you took them off you had a frown on your face, “I don’t get it I don’t hear anything are these just to keep your ears warm?” You questioned when you noticed the red jewels that adorned his ears. “You have ear piercings?!”

And again you got closer to him to inspect them, this time much closer then before. He could smell your perfume perfectly now and the way his heart was doing somersaults scared him.

“Whoa they’re pretty.” You mused brushing your hand over the bottom of his jaw to move his head a get a better look, he shivered at the touch and it was then you finally understood the situation you put him in. Immediately you backed away, face red and arm extended holding his headphone. “Im so sorry! I didn’t mean to-I’m sorry!” You stammered before running off

Hawks was to much in shock to even run after you all he could do was watch the door close softly behind you and your light in your apartment shut off immediately as you got there.

He traced his finger along the ghost of where your hand was on his jaw for once feeling somewhat at peace.

The next days following he had not seen you, it was as if you made it a mission to never be where he would be which at the moment he couldn’t seem to find the time to question.

He was so busy with meetings with Endeavor and late night meetings with Dabi to even go to your building which he was sure you were still avoiding the roof.

The few times he did stop by, your blinds were shut tight and there was no sign of you coming out and he couldn’t bring himself to ask about you again at work.

His shit week turned for the worse when he and Endeavor were attacked by the Nomu. Of course he was ready but he was not ready for the level of strength this one had.

The nomu had done severe damage to the building and to the number one himself. By the end hawks was also worse for wear with some of his feathers missing. But compared to Endeavor he was fine.

Hawks went to the store later that night to find a gift, maybe you’d talk to him again if he brought you a peace offering?

He was glancing at the shelves when he suddenly stopped and grinned at what he was seeing. Immediately he paid and went to your apartment.

He held the gift in his hand while he knocked with the other before shoving it back in his pocket to nervously pick at the second gift he had secure in his pocket.

It took a moment but finally you opened the door a crack, “hawks?” You asked, scanning over his bruised up form.

“I come with a present.” He brought up his gift, a small Hawks plushie held up to his face while he gave you the best puppy dog eyes he could muster and you’d admit he was pretty good at it.

You chuckled softly before opening the door for him and taking the gift as he walked passed you. You smiled softly at it and set it down on an end table. “Are you okay?” He turned to you with a raised eyebrow. “I watch the news.”

He hummed, “you didn’t go to work today?” You shook your head and he took in your appearance you were dressed in pajamas. “Are you okay?” He came back over to you putting a hand to your head and your face burned hot at the contact.

“Yes, yes!” You shooed his hand away. “Just was feeling a little under the weather I’m fine.”

He still watched you with concern but dropped it. He went to turn away when your own hands slid to his jaw and he froze, “you have a ton of cuts and bruises.” You muttered softly “was everyone okay?”

His eyes softened at the worry in yours and he grabbed onto your hand that was holding his face. “There was some casualties but nothing to bad.” You nodded before you pulled away from him and took a few steps back.

He sighed, it felt like you were putting distance between the both of you and he couldn’t entirely blame you. You didn’t want to get hurt and Hawks was someone that would someday hurt you even if he never meant to. He knew it the moment you deflated when he refused to tell you anything about himself but he didn’t know how to tell you he was literally not able to.

Before the sadness could continue to fester in the space between you he pulled out the second gift, a small box.

“Here,” he hands it to you and watched as you opened it carefully to pull out one of his smaller feather around a chain. “Don’t take this to mean anything got it?”

You held a hand up to your mouth and for a moment he thought he hurt your feelings but then you opened your mouth. “Doesn’t mean anything?! Oh my god when’s the wedding?” You batted at the nonexistent tears.

“Ha ha you’re hilarious.” He said but he was still happy to hear your sarcasm again. “Just wear it from now on okay?”

“Wait..” you we’re putting it on when you stopped abruptly. “Is this some kind of claim thing? Are you trying to warn the other birds to back off?”

He rolled his eyes at you and walked closer to you. “I’m actually gonna kill you.” He muttered, pulling your hair out of the way for you to put it on easier.

He could hear your breathe hitch but chose to ignore it. He also chose to ignore the way his spine tingled when you layed the feather flat against your chest.

He took several steps back and admired it while you did the same. He wouldn’t admit this to you now but ever since the battle with the Nomu he’s had the overwhelming urge to make sure you were safe at any time and what better way to do that then to give you a feather.

The next day you were walking with your friend through the building when your receptionist friend stopped you. “Is that a hawks feather necklace? I didn’t know they sold those?” She had asked pointing to the chain around your neck. Your friend next to you looked over at it too.

“More importantly I didn’t know you were such a hawks fan.” She laughed and you waved her off with a grin.

“No I’m his biggest hater.” They both laughed when the receptionist sobered up.

She clasped her hands under her chin, looking at you with a twinkle in her eyes. “But seriously, do you know what Hawks can do with his feathers?”

You shook your head slowly, “fly? Be an idiot?”

“He can fly yes, the other thing is questionable-“

“No he’s definitely an idiot.” You cut in

“But his feathers do more then that.” She continued, ignoring you. “He can use them as weapons, a means of transportation, he can also detect sounds and vibrations.” She smirked and you froze.

You stared at her with wide eyes, hawks can do what?

You felt like your heart skipped a beat. It made you wonder if he could feel that sort of thing. “What?” You asked after a moment of looking at the pair of girls as the same realization started to strike in both of them.

“So in other words,” your friend chimed in finally “he’d be able to sense someone was in danger? So if his feather was always with someone he could make sure they were safe?”

The one to bring up this whole thing nodded her head excitedly then they both turned to you with the creepiest smiles you’d ever seen.

Before they could continue the discussion the man himself walked into the building with Endeavor. He found your eyes immediately and you felt yourself hold your breathe when you realized for once he wasn’t wearing his glasses. Hawks smiled to himself while he waited for the elevator, pretending he was listening to the pro next to him

You didn’t break the eye contact and instead subconsciously reached to faintly touch the feather around your neck and you could’ve sworn you saw his shudder. Before you could ponder on it your eyes zeroed in on his headphones and suddenly those things were making a lot more sense.

“His quirk,” you finally spoke up, keeping your eyes trained on the man. “Can he understand conversations?”

“I mean yeah I think to an extent. Why-?” They both turned to the direction you were looking and caught hawks just before the elevator doors closed. What they didn’t see was the quick wink he sent your way before entering. “No fucking way! I knew there was something going on between you two the day he came looking for you!”

“There’s nothing going on between us! We are just friends!” They both didn’t seem convinced.

“Yeah and I’m Endeavors favorite employee.” You rolled your eyes at them and tried to hide the fact you were blushing.

“Are we gonna get lunch or not?” You grabbed onto your friends arm and started dragging her out of the building while the other one started shouting at you to bring her something back.

You both returned about an hour later with food in hand and laughing about something that had happened earlier that day between some coworkers when Hawks and Endeavor walked out the front door.

They were both wearing grave looks on there faces it kinda made you nervous. Endeavor had said something to him before splitting off and going down the sidewalk to their left while Hawks walked straight towards you.

“Hawks?” You called to him but he looked straight ahead. “Hawks!” You said again and he finally sparred you a glance with a small forced smile before continuing on his way.

You stopped and watched him walk away. Your friend tugged on your arm gently to get your attention, “y/n come on he might just be busy if they just got out of that meeting.” You nodded slightly hoping that’s all that was and followed her inside but your mood had dimmed drastically.

It wouldn’t be until after the agency closed that you would get any sort of information out of him. You were packing up for the night as was everyone else. Both your friends had already left so it was just you.

As you approached the front doors you saw familiar feathers peaking around the wall just outside. “Hawks?” He turned to you with another smile but it was still forced. “Don’t tell me you have another meeting?” You checked your phone for the time.

“No, I wanted to walk you home.” You looked up at him and this time his smile seemed to brighten just a little. “I needed to talk to you about something.”

You nodded your head softly, “okay.”

Despite wanting to talk you were the one to try and make a conversation the entire way back to your apartment and even then he seemed to be out of it but you didn’t comment on it.

Eventually you gave up and just sat in silence with him all the way back to your apartment. You honestly didn’t think he noticed that you were silent and if he did he didn’t say a thing to acknowledge it.

All the way to you opening your door and letting him in no words were spoken still. You set down your purse and went to get water while he glanced around, noticing his plushie was missing from the table stand.

He looked around as discreetly as he could before he saw your bedroom door open and caught a glimpse of it sitting right in the middle of all your made up pillows. He looked back at you to see you still drinking water almost like you were trying to avoid his silence which he supposed he understood.

Quietly, he made his way onto your balcony and took in a deep breathe. You joined him only a few minutes later and he could feel you looking at him expectingly. “Things are gonna get bad from here on.” He finally said still withought looking at you.

“What-?”

“You work for the number one y/n I’m sure you can see things starting to go down hill.” At this you stayed silent and he sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s just-“

He turned to look at you and immediately regretted it when he saw the worried look in your eyes, the one look he was trying to avoid. “I’m not even supposed to be telling you this.” He whispered more to himself before he rolled his shoulder and stood up straighter. “I’m gonna be gone for a little while. I won’t be able to have contact with you.”

His heart broke a little at the way your eyes turned from worry to despair. “Why?” You asked quietly. He wasn’t wrong you did see a lot of things going wrong recently since the Nomu attack but you didn’t think Hawks would be the one to input himself. “Is this why you ignored me earlier?”

He nodded once. “I promised Endeavor-“ he paused “no I promised a lot of people I wouldn’t tell you. But I just couldn’t drop off the radar without telling you. I couldn’t have you hating me for real.”

“I could never hate you.” You choked, blinking up at the sky to keep your eyes dry and he frowned at the sight. He never wanted to be the reason you cried but he knew he was right about hurting you one day. “I guess you can’t tell me why huh?”

You still couldn’t look him in the eyes, especially without his glasses. His eyes pierced straight through all the walls you were currently trying to build up.

His frown was set firmly on his face so much so he wasn’t sure it’d ever go away. But he didn’t want you to see it, he didn’t want you to see the distress coursing through him so he did the only thing he could think of at the moment.

His hand reached out to you, moving to slide through strands of your hair so he could cup the back of your head and pull you into his chest. His other arm wrapped securely around your waist while his wings curled in on you, wrapping you in the warmest hug you had ever had.

“Will you be safe?” He ignored the way he could feel a few of your tears soaking into his shirt and hummed. When he didn’t answer you looked up at him as best you could. “I’m serious Hawks promise me you’ll come back alive.”

He couldn’t promise that, you knew he couldn’t and you could see it in the way his eyes closed. Instead of giving you the answer you wanted he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on your head. “Promise me you won’t hate me if I do.”

“I promise!” You said immediately but his sadness only seemed to deepen by it and you weren’t sure why you had a bad feeling. “Why would I hate you?”

He only pulled you tighter against him and leaned his head down so you wouldn’t see a few of his own tears slip down his cheeks.

True to his word, the next day Hawks seemed to drop off the face of the earth and all the other pros started gathering daily.

Hawks missed you.

More then he’d like to admit.

It had been weeks since he last had seen you and it was then he started to realize how much you meant to him.

You were always in the back of his mind while he was infiltrating the villains. You were what kept him grounded while he was among huge crowds of villains gathering around for Shigaraki himself.

He collected the information, passed it onto the hero’s and took whatever orders were given to him but all the while he couldn’t get the feeling of you wrapped in his arms out of his head.

If he survived this he hoped you would forgive him and let him do it again.

Especially now that he killed a man, a man he had actually come to like. A man he so desperately wanted to save. But at the same time he was dodging Dabis flames.

God all he wanted was to survive. Before you he would’ve been okay dying here. He wouldn’t have been happy about it but he would be at peace but now you were there and you, you were starting to become everything to him.

“Pay attention hero.” Dabi scolded while he kicked him to the ground, readying his hand for another blast of flame. “I’ll tell Y/N to say hi when I’m done.”

Hawks eyes widened in horror. How did Dabi know who you were? He never had time to think about it before flames burned through his feathers. It was the second reveal of the night from Dabi, the first being Hawks own name.

“So desperate to juggle your double lives you never even noticed someone tailing you one of those nights you went to her!” Dabi laughed like a maniac and Hawks couldn’t get away from the flames. His entire back severely burned. “She won’t like you much longer anyways.”

The next thing he knew Hawks own student Tokoyami had rescued him and brought him to a medic tent to get treated. Everything after that had turned dark and he could only hope the hero’s would win and that he would wake up again.

It wouldn’t be until about a month later that Hawks was able to even see you again. He waited till he was out of the hospital and fully recovered and even after that, after all the bandages came off and he was cleared to go back to work he put it off.

He was terrified of facing you again when he knew there was a chance you wouldn’t forgive him. After everything hed just been through he wasn’t sure he could take you hating him for real.

Although his wings were slowly but surely healing and coming back, Dabi had done some irreparable damage to the nerves that ran through his back and feathers. So even when he felt that small tingle down his spine whenever you touched his feather he couldn’t be sure it was actually you.

He hoped it was.

More now then ever he hoped it was you. All day today he had felt a tingle up his spine which ended up with him at your front door after he could no longer ignore it.

For 10 straight minutes he debated knocking. He had held his hand up ready to knock then sighed and started pacing the hall. When some of your neighbors started giving him weird looks he finally knocked and the door opened immediately to his surprise.

“I was beginning to wonder if you would ever knock.” You said, hand on your hip as you stared him down

“We’re you just watching me the entire time?!”

“Obviously you idiot.” You smacked him on the chest.

He grabbed at the spot you hit him shocked you even hit him. “How did you know I was even here?” At that you raised an eyebrow as if to ask ‘are you serious’

“Well I practically have my own security team watching me like clock work Hawks.” He winced at the way you said his name. “Ever since the fight with the villains can you believe it?”

“I’m shocked.” If your weren’t so mad at him you may have laughed at him but your face was set in a hard glare.

“Right?! So just guess how shocked I was when one morning I open my door to be greeted by on of your sidekicks.” At the words your sidekicks you smacked him twice again on the chest not caring if it hurt him. “Imagine my surprise then after when he tells me you’re in the hospital but I can’t see you for my own safety and then! Ohoho and then how you were the one who sent them to watch over me.”

“Y/n..” he could tell you were very angry and at this point he’d take all the hits you sent his way.

“Months hawks! Not even one text or call after the fight to say ‘hey don’t worry I’m alive’ nothing!” You walked into your apartment now leaving the door open and he took that as a queue to come in and close the door for more privacy. “Months.” You whispered out, voice cracking.

“I’m sorry.” He finally said but your back was turned to him and you refused to turn around.

“They told me everything you know?” You said over your shoulder. “Your sidekicks. So I knew. I knew you stopped by my apartment every week since the battle yet you never checked in.”

He was sure if his wings were at full health they’d be drooping. “I have no excuse I’m sorry.” You sighed lightly before going out onto your balcony in silence. He followed you after a few moments.

You both stood in silence for what felt like forever when your voice broke through the tension. “I watched the news. I’m sorry.” He felt his heart drop. “I know you lost a lot of good hero’s, good friends. They all risked there lives for us.”

“And we still lost.” He said while he looked out to the sky above him. You stayed silent. There was nothing you could say to comfort him and you both knew it. He could feel your stare piecering into his head and at that moment he wished he never came over just to avoid what you were going to ask next.

“Dabi,” Hawks closed his eyes. “I saw his video too. Is it true?”

“If you saw that you saw Jeanist at the press conference I didn’t-“ he stopped when he felt your gentle hand on his face, coaxing him to look at you.

“Not that.” He felt his heart plummet straight to the ground. “About that villain. Was it true?” He took a second to breathe before nodding his head shamefully.

He expected you to pull away from him in disgust but you stayed put. “Dabi really is Endeavors son?” Another soft nod.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” You seemed genuinely curious. “If this is your way of trying to ask for forgiveness there’s nothing to forgive.”

There it was. He started to pull away and you could feel him slipping so you grabbed onto his face with both hands. “Damn it Hawks! I forgive you! If that’s what you need to hear!” You cried desperately trying to keep him from pulling away. “Not just for something you were ordered to do but for everything. Everything you’ve ever regretted in your life I forgive you okay? So please don’t turn away from me.”

Finally the tears he had kept to himself for so long flooded to his eyes and he wrapped himself around you. You returned the hug, careful not to touch his wings that were barely growing back. “I never wanted to keep all this from you.” He whispered and you hugged him tighter.

“I understand why you had to now. You held so much responsibility for so long for once let someone else bare the burden with you.” He was amazed by you. How could you just walk into his life as if you had always been there? As if you were always meant to be there?

“He knew who you were. Dabi.” Was all he needed to say for you to pull away to look at him. “It’s why I had someone watching over you. I couldn’t be there and I couldn’t let Dabi near you. If he had hurt you-“

“Hey.” You said softly, “he didn’t hurt me. I know where he got the information. An old coworker, he was a wannabe villain. He gave Dabi all the information he needed. Your sidekicks found him and arrested him. It’s how I found out.”

“I’m sorry-“ he was wiping his tears away when he noticed the chain around your neck. “You kept it on?”

You looked down at it confused as to why he would think you took it off. “Of course I did. I told you I would.” Your fingers went to it and he felt that familiar tingle shoot up his spine.

“It was you. The whole time I kept feeling something but I didn’t know if I would ever be able to feel it again after dabi..” he didn’t need to finish you knew what he meant.

“How bad is it?” He pulled away from you completely to shed his coat and turn his back to you. He lifted his shirt just high enough for you to see the scars that littered his back. “Oh my god.”

He dropped his shirt back down and turned to you again. “Shot some nerves so I don’t think it’ll ever be the same.” You saw the sad look in his eyes so before he could go to deep into thought you let your fingers run through his hair.

“Your hair is shorter.” You mused almost mesmerized now that you could take a good look at him. Then your fingers went to trace along the edges of the new scar on his face. “How is it possible for you to look ten times hotter then the last time I saw you?”

He breathed out a laugh and let his hands go to your waist as if they were always meant to be there. “Not something I expected my biggest hater to say.”

“I could never hate you.” You said immediately, looking him dead in the eyes so he could see how serious you were. “Ever.”

“I-“ he paused trying to find the right words to say. If his interaction with Dabi taught him anything it’s that he no longer wanted to hide himself from you. He wanted you to know him, everything about him even the darkest parts. For now he just wanted to start with his name. Something the hero commission told him never to reveal. But now they were gone. “I just want you to know who I am.”

“What?” Your gaze immediately turned confused. “Hawks-“

“No!” He said quickly tightening his grip on you. He could see the surprise in your eyes and he sighed in frustration. “My name. I want to tell you my real name.”

He no longer wanted Dabi to be the only other one to know. He no longer wanted both himself and the villain to taint his name. “My name is Takami Keigo.” No longer would it be tainted because now you knew it and you could speak it and he would never want to stop hearing it if it came from your own lips.

He glanced at you. Your mouth was open in shock, your hands had dropped down to rest on the arms that still had you by the waist. His nerves were practically radiating off of him. “Y/n?”

“You’re such an idiot.” You whispered with a smile on your lips while you slowly brought your hands up to cup his cheeks again. “You’re such an idiot Keigo.”

His eyes widened and his world slowed down for a second until it came to a screeching halt when the next second you were pulling his head down to yours. Your lips pressing onto his sent shockwaves down his back, a feeling he didn’t know if he’d feel again and now here he was wrapping his arms tightly around your waist while he returned the kiss.

The peace and quiet he had been searching desperately for he had finally found it.

He found it in you.

The end <3

#bnha #bnha hawks #keigo takami #hawks x reader #keigo takami imagine #bnha x reader #bnha imagines #my hero acedamia #mha x reader #mha imagines

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