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siriuslytproblem28 · 1 year

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time has come. i finished crimson rivers.

this is gonna be a long one, and i don't mind if I'm the only one who's getting to its end, I'm writing this for me.

the thing is, i started reading it not being able to conceive just how devastatingly beautiful it is, everything about it. i saw people on tiktok freaking out, and the fact that it's a thg AU really caught me off guard, I'm a huge fan of the books and the movies, ever since i was a child (about 9 years ago) and I'm fairly new with jegulus (i only read like half of choices and some other tiny fics) but i don't know how to explain just how this masterpiece got me tight on a chockehold.

but then, it came to me, in the last chapter.

It's about hope. yeah it's s about growth too but that only comes with hope. everything around this is hope. i get it now.

in a way, i feel like I've grown with it too. i surely hoped to. it's different than anything I've ever read. not only cause it merges some of my favorite characters, stories and scenarios, or because it's sad and angsty and I'm dramatic, or because everyone was reading. it was because of that as much as it wasn't.

usually when i read these things i wish for them to never end. i go at my own pace since they're usually finished for months or even years and i take my time, stretching it as far as it goes, binging when i feel like, and it becomes an experience, my experience, playing with time and spending every day with the characters until i wake up and go to sleep thinking about them and pray not to find spoilers on the internet. I'd strech and stretch cause I've never been good at goodbyes, always hate them, the reversible and the irrevocable, but this time... it's weird...

i could read anything by zar and LOVE it no matter how long, I'd drink the words until i choked and spit them out just in time to take another mouthful. I'd swallow some, too. like poison, like tea.

but it made sense that this had to come to an end. not cause it's set in over 3000 pages, i didn't realize it was long as i was reading it, as a long time fic reader, i guess i was just used to read and read endlessly, how it seemed at the time. but this, i understood, i could see it coming to an end and i was at peace with it, i got it, and i was even happy for it, not to get rid of it, I'll miss this forever and might reread it in a low point in my life to give me comfort (yeah i know loll but towards the end there's comfort ok?)

but it made me have a better relationship with endings and change in general.

I've been known to dwel. on people, on things, on the past, on stories, anything. i cling to things as long as there's a tip to grip and i struggle to let go. to make peace with endings. crimson rivers came at first like a continuation to my habits, fitting perfectly in the angsty, sad story I'm so passionate about. brutal, cruel and awful, destroying me internally, with things i would relate to and the things i wouldn't. as closer to its end as it came, it became the antithesis. i understand why it had to end, i even agree, of course I'd read 75 more chapters but i don't feel the need to as much as i don't feel the need to know every detail about reggie and James's wedding.

I'm usually atractted by unsaid things, whispered kisses, silent words hung above those who kept their mouth shut when they shouldn't have, when speaking up would gain them time, precious and non conforming time.

but in cr the unsaid is said in so many ways, it's sang and screamed and still i found crevices between the realm of real and inagined words to foster my own thoughts and interpretations on the characters, on the story itself. i found myself bookmarking soooo many scenes and wanting line after line engraved in my mind, tattooed in my bones.

it's the most beautiful story I've ever read and i realized in the last chapter that it's about hope. right during regulus' dream, when evan says "is it not good enough that it has been you?" referring to regulus projecting evan in his dreams to counseling him, while all evan ever said to him might just have been regulus saying to himself. and then i was like "oh".

it was always about hope for me. regulus hoping james would see him, notice him, regulus hoping his name wouldn't be called, james and reggie hoping sirius would survive, regulus hoping to have his brother back, james hoping sirius would overcome his addiction and his trauma after the arena, james hoping he could ever have a chance with reggie, sirius hoping to be close to regulus again, and much later, hope for their love, the three of them, sirius building a bookshelf because he hoped james and regulus would eventually make it, james giving reggie his flowers hoping to make his day better, Reggie getting the flowers hoping someday he would invite james in...

i saw myself in regulus so much, that for the first time it really hit me how much i kin him, and i saw myself in james too, which is new to me, but only in a sense of being absolutely in love with someone and thinking they would never want you back, except for me they won't. but to love with such devotion, such hunger, i feel that, it connected me with this james in such a strong way, as i too would take anything this person would give me, the good and the bad.

i don't wanna spent too much time on more technical things like the world building, narrative, politics etc because i think we can all agree that it was perfectly done, full of complexity when it needed. i wanna focus in what i felt.

i love wolfstar here, i think it's the most healthy I've ever seen them, despite everything they went through. and I'm not saying this as the type of person who doesn't like atyd wolfstar because they're "toxic", i love atyd exactly for being so realistic in a sense that they're both traumatized kids in the 70's. of course they don't deal with shit the way we would know how to deal a little better now. i just think that they journey it's so beautiful, and it's about hope to, hope to have 5 more minutes together, hope to see them the next day, and eventually, every year, taking all they could ever get even if it meant only seeing each other once a year. and they eneded up with everything they deserved. a home and a family to fill it up with. it just makes me soooo fucking emotional.

I'm trying to close things here so this doesn't become like a huuuuge post, so i wanna state that I'm amazed at the character development throughout the fic, especial when it comes to their traumas and such. like, reggie coming from such deep denial towards his love for james, up to the point he thought he could kill him, to admiting his love eventually, to be willing to step in a crimson river to die a horrible death to save him, to admiting his love in his own ways, to propose without james even noticing HELPPP, to literally having the 4 kids he wanted ever since he was a kid. him being able to let evan go too, honoring barty with the forge, mending his relationship with Sirius omgg thatt

i love how the story isn't just about the couples, the romantic love, i adore family dynamics, and sirius and reggie here, omggg they made me cry soo fuckinh much... i find sibling relationships so interesting maybe cause i spent 13 years being an only child, and now i have a 6 year old half sister who doesn't live with me, so i don't get to see her daily and we have the age difference. so like, i know we won't have the same dynamic as siblings living together or closer in age, and honestly i sometimes get scared we won't be close, or that i don't know how to be a big sister cause i still haven't had too much experience at it. but i also feel this need of protection towards her, especially cause she lives with my dad, which is... not a good person to be around, to put it bluntly. and i want her to have me as someone she can trust, i want to help her having to endure my dad and i want her to grow up in a better, healthier way than i did. so yeah, i relate to sirius and Reggie's story here as much as i don't...

and sirius and james friendship>>>>>>>> I've been a sirius kinnie ever since i got into the marauders fandom in 2020, and i have a james in my life, so their bond is really special to me, quite the embodiment if sunshine

remus here as well>>>>>>>>

i know i focused mainly on sirius, reggie and james but honestly i could spent days writing only about those three so i really can't be mentioning everyone else, I'll just say that i don't think any fic made me fall in love with as much characters as this one, even those i didn't know or didn't have their image clear in my mind from canon/other fics.

to close things up, i love how the narrative circles around itself, in the last few chapters things comes full circle, like reggie thanking Sirius for volunteering for him, which was the very core of regulus anger and guilt, so it shows how much he's grown, also when he says to aberforth that "my brother's responsible for his actions as i am for mine" or something, so finally seeing that he isn't responsible for everything bad in sirius life; sirius learning to have a healthy relationship with sex and his desire, remus and lilly making their way back to each other, two hearts beating, one person, james fucking knife kink FINALLY my boy had his way, i found it sooo cute and funny that reggie was trying to "protect" him hiding the daggers LMAOOO, sirius building again, james releasing the horcrux hornet into nature again after so many years, THE FUCKING "YOU'RE HESITATING LOVE" 😫😫😫😫😫 i swear, i thought this fic would be the death of me but it might've just saved my life...

like all the metaphors, all the elements that appear throughout the story to bear meaning and to signify something important, it enriches it soo much, james' flowers, the tree, regulus climbing and growing, the blood and the crimson river, the knitted hat, the snow, the rain, the fire, the fireplace, the bookshelf, the moon, the stars, ughhhh i swear to gooooooooooodddddddd the worst and best parallel, aberforth and albus are what regulus and sirius might've turned into. i am devasted by this, so i won't comment on it. for now.

i think this is it. I'll be forever grateful to zar for writing this masterpiece that changed and saved my life, and consumed it, filling my mind ever since october, and for getting to finish now with everyone. i swear i wanna print and bind this just to have it phisically.

I'll be making a playlist for cr and listen to it every time i miss it ❤️ this was a beautiful jorney, but I'm at peace with it ending now. thank you, zar, i will proceed to rear every other fanfic you wrote and will write.

#crimson rivers #jegulus #wolfstar #zeppazariel #sirius black #regulus black #james potter #remus lupin #ao3 #crimsonrivers spoilers #evan rosier #fanfic

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freyito · 6 months

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I wanted to just throw this in your inbox because you're one of my biggest inspirations on here, I hope that doesn't sound weird-

So, I'm not that experienced of a writer, but I'm always so inspired by writers like you, you manage to get the characters so accurate that I can imagine a scene playing out in a cutscene!

Fun story time, so I've struggled with my identity for a long time, reading fanfics with fem readers never really felt right and I couldn't figure out why for so long, until I came across a fic with a male reader. This was a few years ago and male readers were incredibly scarce for the fandoms I participated in, especially ones that actually used he/him pronouns. I started thinking, do I like this for myself? And I realised who I was, through fanfiction of all things!

This is why inclusive writing is so incredibly important, why blogs like yours are so incredible! I hope you have a good day (⁠´⁠∩⁠｡⁠•⁠ ⁠ᵕ⁠ ⁠•⁠｡⁠∩⁠`⁠)

me?!?!??! kacper!??!?!?! kacper kazimierz!?!??!?! an inspiration!>!??!?!?! WAHAAAA THANK YOU !!!!! ITS NOT WEIRD AT ALL ITS ENDEARING AND I AM ACTIVELY KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING WAHAHAAAAA

also don't know if i'll ever get used to people saying i have a grasp on the characters. like that is always my biggest fear when it comes to writing. but what, this is the second time i've been told? thank you so much!! and i'm so glad my writing comes off that vivid, seriously. that's something that i've put a lot of effort into improving, like half the time I do writing exercises JUST for that.

don't worry tho. when i found myself out it was around the very very start of my writing career. i was just obsessed with making ocs. I went through like every sexuality under the sun cause I just didn't understand why I didn't like anyone, any gender, anything!! I was so confused, I felt so lost. So I made these two characters, they were a part of one of my old stories that I scrapped. I really can't remember them, rip to the two men who changed my life forever. But they were GAY and in love. And previously I just couldn't really write any other romance comfortably, like I had a few straight ones and a few lesbian ones and all that. But a lot more mlm relationships ended up grabbing my attention. literally had my revelation. I wasn't struggling with my sexuality. I was just a man who liked men. that's exactly how I found myself :P but seriously, thank you for all the kind words. aughhhh i'm sitting here all giddy and like biting my fingers yall are so sweet and nice AND UGH <333

#kacpyposting

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aqqleshiqqing-archive · 2 years

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You know what, I’m actually in a very similar position that you are regarding wanting physical closeness and not having it. Most of my friends are either online or moved away and it’s been getting harder to regularly keep in contact. Here on tumblr and in the self shipping community is becoming the main site I’m active on because I love all my friends here and getting to interact with them regularly (you included!!) It is very personal here, which is why I think there’s a decent amount of trust in the friendships here, something that’s harder to build in real life. So it’s… kinda off putting. But creating and building real true friendships takes time. I always thought I’d never have any friends I could hang out with in person and it made me feel so lonely and starved for physical affection, and it felt horrible. But lately I’ve been noticing how close I’m becoming with my work friends (even my childhood friend I thought was drifting away from me) and we’re hanging out irl and it’s a stepping start that I didn’t think would happen. So I guess what I’m saying is that these things take time and even when you feel so alone, and trust me I’ve been there (still am sometimes), have patience, and you’ll find that physical closeness you need soon. I hope something good comes out with your schoolmate, that was very sweet of him to comfort you like that :) And honestly if I could, I’d swim all the way over to you just to give you a hug cause you’re like one of the awesomest people I know and you deserve it❤️❤️❤️❤️

ohhh man oh man thanks for reading my babble :') that's such great news to hear though, at least working there doesn't feel always exhausting because you find joy interacting with your coworkers! and reconnecting with childhood friends is really important, it's good to know you made progress there as well!

It's honestly so ironic how the ones I'm close with are those whose identity is partially unknown to me (tumblr mutuals), compared the ones that I know irl but struggle to talk to :'))))) but in the end, it's not the face, it's the personality. it's just unfortunate I can't hug all you guys here because I most certainly would and actually be waaaay more annoying (the good kind of annoying I promise LMAO) and loud in real life (everyone sees me as the quiet kid, but that's so untrue, I'm a lot more unhinged if you set me up with the right people LOLOLOLDJFJJDJS)

I'll be clinging on to that patience for as long as I can, because one of my friends who moved out might come back to visit me and it's been, like 3 years now? I've known him for 7~ years and I'm so ready to feel like myself in front of him again haha but for now, I'll just have to accept that it will take some time and try my best to build little connections here and there 💚 but I'm forever contented with the little connections I made here because I am really showing off my real self here (i.e., my constent babbles of whatever B] ) and as you said, very personal here!

MAN I would love to fly over to usa just to meet all of you since I know many of you come from there :') I'd give you all the biggest hugs and we can just eat somewhere and it'll be the greatest day of my life hehe (¬◡¬) you're awesome alyssa, thank you so much for tossing your take here ♥️

#i really am just showing off my irl friends oops #its fine its not like they use Tumblr anyways B) they will never know......#also that old friend of mine totally knows my “childhood” crush on tom but doesn't know it resurfaced yet BWHAHAHAHAHAHA #i took a while to respond because i feel really aghh <3 haha #❇️ thunder!

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k1nky-fool · 2 years

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Hello again, dearie

2, 3, 4, 8, 13, 14, 15, The least sane moments

1, 8, 13, 14, 15, Fuck around and find out

Hi babes! I am so sorry this took forever! As I said yesterday, I vastly overestimated my ability to fight off motion sickness on the road trip (I have now learned of a magic thing called dramamine), and being a tourist in DC for the week is definitely keeping me busy doing a bunch of cool stuff. But I loved all of these questions, and I'm always open to more.

Least Sane Moments

2: What scene did you first put down?

We all know the fanfic author's struggle with having one scene in mind and being obsessed with just that one scene, and we write an entire fic around that one scene. I'm pleased to say that Least Sane Moments started with just one, and has evolved into giving me many that keep me going with the story.

That first scene that I got obsessed with was that sparring scene in Part 2. I love writing sparring in general, because it's a great catalyst for tension. Oddly enough, that scene was supposed to be an avenue for sexual tension, but when I got to it, I ended up writing that angsty, emotional tension, and I liked it a lot more. It felt more natural for the characters, particularly Mita.

From there, I got fixated on Mita and Grayson's talk in Part 3, along with the introduction of the five eyed creature. Then you can probably tell the next was Mita telling Vander who the five eyed is. And I have a few more that I am obsessed with. One of them is in the next chapter.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

Her words lifted a painful burden off of him, even if it was only a small piece of everything that weighed him down, it was enough to give him hope again.

I mention Mita's perspective most often, but this one really stuck with me. This was after Mita said she forgives Vander for the mess of the attack on the bridge. We know he sees it as one of his greatest failures, and I imagine he never expected to be forgiven for it. But after everything Vander has done to provide comfort for Mita, this is really the first time we see her realizing he needs comfort from her, and she gives it without question, knowing what that attack did, and forgiving him for the chaos it caused in her own life.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Now forgive me, but my favorite line of dialogue is from Part 5 that I have yet to finish. I'll give it to you as a little sneak peak.

"I owe you a rematch, creature; I don't owe you my fear."

I think it's badass in context, and I hope a couple people think so too. Vander gives Mita courage to do things she wouldn't otherwise have the courage to do. Most of the time, its vulnerability, here it's spitting in the face of someone she has been scared of her whole life.

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

I've mentioned that a lot of aspects of Mita were greatly inspired by Asajj Ventress from Star Wars: The Clone Wars and that is a fictional character, but most of her characterization is self-insert. I know I have trust issues, but for Mita I did dial it up to 100. That being said, I paired her with a character that would be very easy to trust, and would be very patient with her.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

Fun fact: I have specific songs that remind me of all my OCs and stories. Pepper is the easiest to find songs for. However, for some reason, finding songs for Mita is so fucking hard for me.

The funniest thing is that I haven't found a single song that reminds me of her that isn't by Imagine Dragons.

Friction by Imagine Dragons

Natural by Imagine Dragons

Enemy by Imagine Dragons (that's a cheap shot tho)

Believer by Imagine Dragons

I am begging for any other song suggestions if anyone has any, I can't have all my Mita songs being by the same default band for this show.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

I hope people can get the message that fear is to be expected, even for the strongest of people. Mita is the stone cold, assassin type, but even she fears what has hurt her. I also hope that other people can see the difference between being cautious of harm and self-sabotage by self-isolation. Mita is a character that struggles with being vulnerable because of the pain she's experienced, yet there are always people that are truly willing to give her a safe space to be vulnerable. When you have that space, you're allowed to use it.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

Honestly, most of what I've learned from writing this is about my own writing process. Ngl, when I started this fic, I didn't have a full outline. I just had the ideas and started writing what I wanted to, finding the story along the way. And now that I have a full outline, I like how I did this. It's fun to write, and I think that's what's most important when posting fic.

Fuck Around and Find Out

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

This was yet another fic that I just started writing because I wanted to. But a lot of my inspiration for this fic came from @gaybybirth and her fic A Theory. I was inspired by her writing, particularly in the way she writes Viktor, and I went for a similar vibe with him in my fic.

But writing Devo the way I do, was a change of pace. She was definitely different from most other OCs I write. She doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve, but she's also not cold and calculating. Devo is definitely the type to bottle up her emotions until eruption, and I definitely identify with that trait as well, but I definitely made Devo a bit more timid than myself.

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

So, some of my followers may know because they read my blog bio, but I am actually only one alter in a system. We have a dissociative disorder, and we are completely different people.

Devo's personality is based on one of the alters in the system, and I do regularly consult her for some responses and a different alter has a special interest in astronomy and he will also weigh in on the more scientific aspects of the fic. That being said, we are still fairly amateur, and we do make mistakes.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I don't have many songs for Devo, because many of the songs I listen to for her aren't just to get in the mood to write her. I do have a few tho

Curses by The Crane Wives

Do I Wanna Know by The Arctic Monkeys

Royals by Lorde

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

I have several scenes of Devo's journey in processing trauma, and I try to do it as respectfully as possible, especially considering that I myself have certain traumas that Devo works through. I hope people can learn that progress isn't linear, and even the strongest of survivors have terrible days.

However, the lesson that I make the overarching theme in the story is what a different version of love looks like. Both Viktor and Devo are people who love their work. I especially wanted to show what that kind of love looks like, when two people love each other, and neither of them are competing with the other's passion for the other's studies. I don't think there's any shame in being 2nd place to someone's passion. If you have an issue with being 2nd place in someone's attention, then it's ok to admit that relationship isn't for you. But I also want to show what it looks like when 2nd place is treated in a healthy way.

I originally hated part 3 when I posted it, but one conversation in it has definitely stuck out to me as the entire theme of the story of Viktor and Devo's relationship and in the plot in general.

"It is rare that I find someone who places their studies in priority over personal interests." He said, picking up the second volume to check the calculations. "I do it, myself, but it is not often that I find someone that might understand that priority."

Devo chuckled, going back to her telescope and writing notes. "I take it your past relationships tend to fail when your partner finds out they're not the reason you wake up in the morning."

It's ok to find love in 2nd place.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

As I mentioned earlier, this fic definitely has its therapeutic uses for me. But the one thing I have definitely learned about myself in this fic is that I have often had problems with perfectionism. I have an unhealthy habit of tossing out good and fun work when I don't like the end result.

And particularly in the case of part 3, I learned that in possibly the best way possible. I hated part 3 when I posted it. It felt so rushed and I really just wanted to get to the cool stuff in part 4. I even posted 4 not even a full hour after 3, because I just wanted it to fly under the radar. But what I missed in my own writing were some of the best developments in my characters. Some people have even told me that 3 was their favorite so far.

I learned that I don't have to be perfect. I write for my own enjoyment, but I post it for everyone else to enjoy it with me. And a lot of the time, they will disagree with me on what the best parts are or who the best character is. I don't need to stress about everything being perfect in my own eyes, because when I make good work, it's possible for someone to disagree with me. And I found that very comforting, especially in my writing process.

#arcane oc #arcane #arcane fanfic #vander x oc #viktor x oc #fic ask game

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purplesurveys · 4 months

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1786

How frequently are you inclined to read, and how much? Pretty often but it's just never novels, or anything fiction really. I try to get an article or essay in at least once a week since it's only through reading that I get to pick up new styles or vocab for my own writing.

When was the last time you questioned the direction your life was taking? I'm kind of going through that since I have been feeling caught in the middle in my job for a while now. My promotions have all happened at such a rapid pace and a part of me wants to appreciate all these opportunities and of course all the raises lol; but on the other hand I am also extremely well-aware of my objective incapabilities of being a leader, and now that I've technically made my way to the top I can't help but think 1) someone else would be a much better fit in this role I'm in, and 2) if there are other jobs out there where I can go back to being a follower.

I guess this is 25?

What small things have the ability to get under your skin? When people are slow, and it applies to just about everything. Drivers who take too long to change lanes, people who choose what to order while it's their turn instead of staying at the side to pick, when I'm part of a bigger group and they want to take a group photo and for some reason the blocking/formation takes forever to arrange... all these things really drain my battery for patience I'm afraid, lol.

When was the last time you were caused to be upset with someone? I was just the teeniest tiniest wee bit upset with my cousin last night for using my car outside of the main reason I lent my car to him in the first place. Long story short, he drove it for errands when my car suddenly went through a hiccup and wouldn't start and he called us in a panic because now he was stuck in front of a drugstore on Christmas eve with a car that won't start. It made my family have to adjust and slightly delay our dinner plans since we had to drive to him and jumpstart the car. It was honestly a hassle lol, especially on Christmas eve, but at the end of the day I still mostly felt bad for him since it must've been scary being stuck at the highway with a hiccup-y car that wasn't even his.

What is something small that has the ability to cure a bad mood? When I check on my dogs for comfort during said bad mood and they immediately hand over their toys to play fetch.

What beverage is best capable of quenching your thirst? Cold water.

What was the last big change through which you went? Do you deal well with change, typically? Have you always? The last big change(s): A massive work promotion, my two superiors simultaneously resigning, and the onboarding of a new business director under my unit (aka my new superior) who happens to have no prior knowledge or experience of PR.

The adjustments have been heavy and real and I'm going through the difficult process of accepting the fact that at this point I'll have to hand-hold both my teammates and the new superior. It's like playing a human tug of war and I'm the rope, haha.

No, I typically don't deal well with change. I like having structure and while I have learned to professionally adjust to PR being a change-heavy line of work, I still ultimately find comfort in routine. That's why Bea and Trina resigning has pretty much shaken my world and I'm still struggling to keep my head above water.

How do you feel after spending a great quantity of time online? I feel a bit inadequate, almost pathetic lol. When I reach that point I automatically put my phone down, leave it in my room, then find something else to do for a few hours.

What do you consider to be the biggest drawback to being you? Just the fact that I feel like the sun is setting with my time in my current company, but at the same time I also still don't really know where to head next. Feeling directionless in that regard has been more frustrating than I ever thought it would be.

What do you consider the best part of being who you are? I'm resilient, and, apparently, capable.

What kinds of things do you have on display in your room? I had my room completely remodeled a year ago so that it allows me to display all my BTS merch. Right now though we're right smack in the middle of the holidays, so I currently have a ton of paper bags with gifts that I'm not quite sure how to display around my room yet.

What do you think your room and its contents say about you, if anything? It says I am a K-pop fan who is willing to spend money on anything and everything related to her favorite group.

When was the last time you felt insecure about something/some situation? Currently.

Do you ever stop to contemplate infinity? Sure. Mostly about the universe – how big it can possibly be, how many other planets are out there, how many other livable planets are out there, who else in this giant ass map is living in this timeline, etc.

Are you comfortable amongst nature, or does the wilderness discomfort you? It depends, but I'm in the belief that if there's even just one thing that bugs me about nature then I don't really get to say that I'm comfortable in it – if that makes sense? Hahaha. That said there are a couple of things that I don't really like, like the mosquitoes, the no electricity and spotty cell signal... being in nature is great as a staycation, but I don't think I can live in it altogether.

When was the last time someone or something caught you off guard? Last night. The priest's Christmas homily was SO short I was dying trying not to laugh when I realized he was done within like 4 minutes and the commentator was already signaling for us to stand up so we can proceed to the next part of the service. I felt like the grand winner of the night HAHAHAHA

How much time do you put into maintaining your appearance and hygiene? Continued from last night. It's definitely less than average in that I'm not interested in makeup, use skincare stuff, or book appointments for my nails or whatever. But I also certainly don't neglect myself – it's just that I prefer really only going with the bare essentials; like when I go out I make sure my hair is tied properly or that my outfit's colors match and such.

Are there any foods you eat daily? Or wish you could? Rice.

When was the last time someone new entered your life? What was your first impression of that individual? My cousin's boyfriend. He's very friendly and we were able to bond pretty quickly because apparently he works in the ASC. Makes a mean gin and juice tower too.

Do you put much thought into your handwriting? I guess so. If I'm writing something and am not happy with how my penmanship turned out, I usually wouldn't hesitate to give it a second attempt (or third, or fourth...) until I'm finally satisfied.

What are some of the top priorities in your life right now? Getting settled in my new role, especially now that Bea has legit legit resigned and will be stepping out effective January 1st. And figuring out where to go next career-wise because I don't plan on staying long in said new role.

In general, how do you feel about romantic relationships? I wish it could be more normalized that it's not always for everyone. People my age get so bugged when they get asked when they plan on getting married or having kids, but they should also realize that they also get as intrusive when they ask me why I'm not dating or why I don't like dating or being in a relationship.

Which emotional sensation inconveniences or bothers you the most? Probably the anxiety/restlessness I get when I send an urgent message and the other person takes forever to respond. When that happens I put my phone away first and try to distract myself by doing something else – and while it mildly helps, it also doesn't completely take out the anxiety until they reply.

Are you capable of consoling others in their grief? No, and I'm not the type of person to actively console someone in grief because you never really know what they need at the moment; and from my own experiences, people usually want to be left alone. For the most part I leave a message for them and kinda just be on standby in case they want to talk.

Do you ever find it awkward to compliment another being? No, I quite like giving compliments. It's me who isn't so big on receiving them because I never know how to react, lol.

When was the last time you had a new experience? What was it? Last week at our Christmas party when I was a runner-up for best costume and had to do a runway pose thing because it was how they were going to determine the winner. I'm a selective extrovert, and performing in front of an audience beyond public speaking is NOT a comfortable situation for me haha. That said I bombed it on purpose so they can pick a winner and I can get out of the stage ASAP.

Do you dress more for yourself, or to the expectations of others? I wear what I like but I also make sure it's presentable for everyone else.

What kinds of things tend to stress you out? They're all work-related things. Outside of that, I guess unexpected emergencies? I don't exactly deal with them well; like if my car suddenly won't start I will 100% panic and call for someone to ask if they can come for me.

What is one way you cope when you feel like crap? YouTube YouTube YouTube all the way.

Name an insult you regularly receive, if there is one? Fortunately I am not insulted on the regular, at least not anymore.

Name a site that takes up a lot of your time Reddit.

What is something you used to believe about life that you no longer do? That I can keep throwing myself into work until the day I retire and easily ignore the stress because as long as I'm earning money I will be happy. That was me in college and it's the most naive I've been.

What is a lesson you have recently learned? Book Christmas Eve delivery reservations in advance.

Do you have a tendency to look on the morbid side of life? Eh, sometimes.

When was the last time you went shopping? What did you buy? I went on a final gift shopping run the day before Christmas Eve for my aunt who went home as a surprise + Angela's parents. For my aunt I got her a handful of silver earrings, then for Anj's parents I bought a bunch of nuts because apparently they're obsessed with them these days hahaha.

When you shop for clothing, how long does it take you? Give me an hour at most, especially if I had nothing specifically planned to get.

What is something fun you have done within the past week? Bonded with my cousins from my dad's side for the first time.

What is something you hope you never have to do again? Be a finalist for costume contests and have to pose and do bits for the audience.

How does the rain affect your mood, if it does? It relaxes me.

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fenimores-book-nook · 5 months

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Quatrième jour d'écriture sur les soins personnels

(Day four of self care writing ;) )

November 17th ~ 2023 *FRIDAY*

If you couldn't tell through my text, I'm very happy that it is Friday. It's not only the last day that I work this week, but it's alsoooooooo OPENING NIGHT FOR THE MOVIE, THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES, AHHHHH! I've been looking forward to this movie ever since I heard a new Hunger Games movie was coming out. And even more so after I read the book. Which is most definitely in my top three favorite books. :3 I'm planning on going to the theater in my town with a couple of my friends. As well as, because I'm a nerd, I'm bringing along one of my copies of the books. (yes, one of, I own two copies) 'Cause wouldn't it be fun to write my thoughts down in it and have everyone that I saw it with sign it? Yes. Yes it would. And who knows? Maybe the actors or the author will show up, I don't want to be unprepared. (haha, I wish)

So, I am looking forward to THAT. You better believe I will be having a post or thoughts that I wanna get out here about it. Don't worry, I'll make sure I put "spoiler warning" if I include any. ;)

(pinterest, obviously)

I've noticed in my last two (I think) self care writings I didn't really start it with a greeting, but you know what? I think that's okay. Happy morning, if it is also morning for you, if not, afternoon or evening! It's 10:29 am currently, for me. I have been in the mood to write all morning, so I started out with journaling in my notebook which I realize I've never posted a photo of my journal. Really, I switch between notebooks quite often. It's just whatever I feel at the moment, what kind of notebook I want to match my feelings. :)

Now, since I like making lists and answering some questions, we're gonna do something like that. :)) (plus, self-care writings, of course)

(this is a part of the "night journaling" one that I've done before :) )

How am I ~ I'm doing okay. I think I feel about the same as I did yesterday, but that isn't bad, I don't feel worse! And that's a victory worth celebrating. :)

Today's goals ~ Keep an optimistic mood throughout the day! Talk to one of my close friends about some struggles that I think they could relate to. (even if it's something not so good to experience, having someone to relate with helps with not feeling so lonely tremendously)

Experience goals fully ~ If I'm feeling my mood dip down, do something to clear my mind and get the good feelings going again! Even if it's just to feel some sort of comfort; read a comfort book! And even if my friend ends up not being able to relate with me, still look at talking to someone as a victory. It can be really hard to talk about feelings sometimes, so don't forget about those steps!

Gratitude ~ I'm grateful for my sister, I love how much we talk even with her not living at home anymore. It's fun to just talk about books or just about life with her. I'm also grateful for Christmas music because it's such a cozy type of music. :)

Affirmations ~ Even though it feels sucky right now, it doesn't mean it's going to feel like that forever. This is just temporary. It's only a chapter, or even just a few pages; not your entire book.

To-do today ~ DECORATE MY ROOM FOR CHRISTMAS!* Yes, I'm one of those people that decorates for Christmas before Thanksgiving. Although, you could've come to that conclusion on your own with my other posts. ;) Do some house cleaning things after work. Go see The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes at 7:30 tonight!! And REST! The past couple days have been kind of busy, so take time to recharge. <3

*I didn't end up decorating today but I am going to try to do it this weekend. Hopefully the motivation will be there! ;)

Christmassy photo from last night. :)

Fast forward (I've been doing that a lot lately) quite a bit to now: 11:50 pm, yes. I have watched The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. *screaming internally* And as much as I want to just spill my guts on everything about it, I am also very tired. So we'll leave off with one more self-care thing and say goodnight. ;)

One thing that happened today that I'm grateful for. (that I feel like helped my mental health)

I face-timed one of my closest friends and talked about something that has been bothering me for several days now. And she not only was a great listener but it helped so, so much that she could relate to it. And we discussed different things that I had been wondering about too. I feel like that talk made me feel more secure in that friendship and gave me a sort of peace with the whole situation. (very grateful for her <3)

And with that, I hope you have a great night and...

jusqu'à la prochaine fois,

Thalia <3

#the ballad of songbirds and snakes #journaling #blog #self care writing series #mental health #gratitude #day four

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depressologs · 7 months

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Dear You,

I'm writing this with the intent that you'll never read it. I know I can't say these things to you face-to-face either, I just need this out of my head before it eats me alive.

I love you. That's it. You're it. You're everything I could ever want. And you're out of my reach. Out of my league really. I never really believed I had a shot, but I routinely delude myself into thinking it's possible, only to get smacked back down to reality.

I made sure I was right about how I felt too. I'd been crushing for a long time, and I was afraid I had put you on a pedestal. Turns out I hadn't, and I had actually underestimated how amazing you are and how exactly you were what I wanted in my life. One of the recent times we hung out it just sort of locked into place, I realized I could and wanted to do stuff like that with you forever. Since then every time we hang out I struggle with leaving. When I'm finally alone I can exhale. I spend my drive home beating myself up, replaying everything I said and did, as if there was some change I could have made in order to stay with you just a little bit longer.

I offer a lot of myself up for you, and you take very little. I focus too much on you, and not enough on myself or other people. I know you don't have interest in a romantic relationship with me, but some days it's all I can think about. How do I make it happen, or what it might look like. It's all fantasy, or delusion. Every reality check I receive comes in like a gut punch, sometimes it starts a spiral. Writing this all out was inspired by one. You're not doing anything wrong though, I'm doing this all to myself. I can't even take a break from you to try and drop the feelings, not that I want to. I'd have to explain, and I just can't. After you had a falling out with someone else, I knew I could never even begin to address it. And we've gotten even closer, as friends, since then. If I want you to be a permanent and consistent part of my life, how am I ever going to tell you something that I think will cause a rift? So instead I'll just suffer.

I feel like you probably know how I feel about you too. There's no way you're blind to it, but you might be trying to ignore it in the hopes the feelings go away. You avoid giving me details about some things, almost as if you know they'll hurt me. They usually do. That's not you hurting me though, that's me hurting myself. I worry too that I'm going to lose you soon. That you'll get your opportunity to leave and take it, and that it'll be the last time I see you. And if I don't tell you how I feel before that happens I never will, but also I cannot ever tell you for fear of losing you earlier than I was already going to.

I'm probably not done writing this, but I also need to be. I won't lie, it sucks that you're probably the one person I'm close enough with and comfortable enough with to talk about these problems with, because they involve you. I feel like I can't turn anywhere else about this, but I definitely can't bring it to you either. Hell I'm being vague in a post to a zero follower account just in case.

At the end of all of this though, we're friends. We were before I fell for you, we will be long after I figure out how to let it go, if I ever do. I love you like I've never loved anyone before, and really I want you to be happy. I just wish I was a bigger part of that. I wish I got to be happy too, with you.

Never blame yourself for how I feel on this. You did nothing but be yourself. I'm the idiot who decided he needed you. C'est la vie and all that.

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fizzyxcustard · 2 years

Note

comforting cuddles with our majestic king?

Fandom: The Hobbit

Pairings: Thorin Oakenshield x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, anxiety

Summary: You've had a very hard few days working in one of Erebor's grand libraries. Thorin, whom you are courting, is waiting for your arrival for dinner, but you do not come.

Comments/Notes: This is purely self indulgent and only a small piece. I've had a pretty crappy week, and I don't think anyone else will write something like this for me (some people seem to get fics written for them by friends pretty regularly when they're struggling...oh well. That's a rant for another time)....so here we go. :)

If you wish to be added to any of my tag lists (follow forever, a particular character, fandom etc) please let me know and stipulate which list you'd like to be on. I may sound harsh, but if you ask to be on my list and then don't interact whatsoever with me or the fics (just a 'like' is enough!), I'll remove you after a couple of months.

No matter how much you slept, it was never enough. The aching behind your eyes was a constant in your life now; as soon as you opened your eyes in a morning, it was there.

You loved your job in the library, but constantly binding all the volumes after years of age and general tear, was weighing on you. Hodel, the head librarian, was asking you to work to tight deadlines, which were causing you to be silently calculate how many books you could bind in one day. At meals, in bed at night, even when doing private tasks like bathing, your mind was ablaze.

After ten days and the nausea began to set in, paired with a general uneasiness in your stomach. You were sat at your desk, working away, watching the wax of your candles melt down further and further. There were not enough hours in a day to accomplish all that you wished to do and all that had to be done.

One evening, a Friday to be exact, when you were to have a special meal with Thorin to celebrate one year of courtship, you were late back to the main hall. That was not like you. In all the time that Thorin had known you, you were conscientious, and sometimes to the point of frustration.

The king rose from his seat and decided to find you. The food had not yet been served, so he approached the head cook, asking him to slow the process down to allow him to search for you.

Your bed chamber was on the same wing as Thorin's, not too far from the main dining hall of the royal line.

He tapped on your door - nothing.

Worry sat in Thorin's chest now, weighing him down. The brisk walk to the library seemed to take a lifetime, but eventually the king arrived. Hodel was sat in his usual seat, facing the entrance to the grand room.

Thorin approached the elderly Dwarf scholar and librarian, who had his silver glasses perched on the end of a long, bulbous nose. "My king. How may I be of service?" Hodel asked, giving a broad smile with showed off his slightly stained teeth.

Thorin asked for you.

Hodel furrowed his eyebrows for a few seconds. "I have not seen her leave as of yet, my lord. Would you like me to assist you in finding her?"

"No, I will check myself," Thorin replied, offering a quick smile before disappearing to check down the never-ending aisles of books.

And, finally, he found you: slumped over your desk, asleep, a completely burned candle next to your arm. There were piles of books all around you, some finished, some to be started. Shreds of leather and threads were scattered across the large wooden table.

"My love?" Thorin whispered, placing his hand on your shoulder.

You groaned in your sleep and then smiled, whispering his name. Slowly, your eyes fluttered open.

Thorin was sure he could see a single tear clinging to your cheek. He cupped your cheek and brushed the tear with his finger, feeling the moisture. "What is wrong?"

Seeing your lover's kind and concerned eyes focus on you brought you to more tears. "I'm sorry. It was our meal tonight, but I just...."

Thorin didn't say anything but just took you into his strong arms and held you. "Shhhh." He cooed to you and kissed your cheek.

No words needed to be spoken. Being in his arms was enough for you, held and suspended in time. Contentment seeped into your chest, chasing away all the anxiety and weight that had been there.

"I shall speak with Hodel, my love. You have been working too hard these last days. Come back to my bed chamber tonight and I'll look after you," Thorin proposed.

You looked up at the king. It was still like a dream, just the thought that he loved you and wanted to marry you one day.

***

Back in Thorin's chambers and you prepared for bed, slipping out of your work clothing. The food which had been prepared in the main hall had been plated up and brought to the king's chamber instead.

"Now," Thorin began, watching as you slipped into the warmth of his bed, "I have agreed with Hodel that you are to have three days break. All of your work will be taken over by an apprentice."

"You didn't have to do that," you said, snuggling down into the sheets and furs.

"I did, my love. You are exhausted. But it may have also been a little selfish on my part."

"Why?" you giggled, poking your fork into a piece of fruit tart.

"I have three whole days to spend with you and make you the centre of my attention."

***

Follow Forever tag list: @i-did-not-mean-to @middleearthpixie @lathalea @xxbyimm @linasofia @meganlpie @knitastically @sketch-and-write-lover @guardianofrivendell @msjava1972 @lilacpulse @spidergirla5 @asgardianhobbit98

The Hobbit tag list: @legolasbadass @myselfandfantasy @morriganwarrior @cryptichobbit @on-my-way-to-erebor

Thorin Oakenshield tag list: @crazytxgradstudent @exhausted-humxn-being

#thorin oakenshield #thorin #the hobbit #thorin Oakenshield x fem!reader #thorin Oakenshield x you #thorin Oakenshield x reader #thorin x you #thorin x reader #thorin x fem!reader #fic #prompt request #request #lathalea

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dasywritingblog · 3 years

Text

CRUSH AT THE PREMIER

Scarlett Johansson x reader

Words: 2356

SCARLETT P.O.V.

I'm driving to a caffe down the street to meet up with my longest time best friend (y/n) and as usual I forgot my phone, why everytime I have to meet with (y/n) I get so nervous and forget even my name? Well maybe it is because I have a major crush on her since, how can I say it, well forever probably is the word I'm searching for.

Waking up from my thoughts I park the car and rush to the enter where I see (y/n) impatiently checking her phone.

(Y/N): Where the hell were you? I called you something like five times I thought you were dead!

She says hugging me, I chuckle nervously and hug her back.

SCARLETT: I may or may not have forgotten my phone at home, but anyway is nice to see you too miss finesse.

(Y/N): Oh come on Scarly don't turn into a good girl now.

I blush at this statement and try to hide it laughing and pushing her throward the door.

SCARLETT: Take that fine ass of yours inside I need for my coffee.

(Y/N): Yes ma'am!

We sit at a table and we start talking about what happened in the past month since we didnt have much time to hang up cause we have been super busy with work. I told her everything I could about what happened on the set of Avengers Endgame: funny story, some bloopers and some spoilers as well, but nothing too big since neither I know whats going on in that movie, yep Marvel is very good at keeping secrets.

(Y/N): When is the premier Scarly?

SCARLETT: Tomorrow night and actually I wanted to ask you something about that

My hands got sweaty and I started to panic. What if she says no or she finds out I'm in love with her? Scarlett Ingrid Johansson, you take a breath and ask your best friend and crush to go to the premier with you whether you want it or not! I probably get lost in my thoughts for a while since (y/n/n) is waving her hand in front of my face.

(Y/N): Hellooo? Land to Scarlett, are you here?

SCARLETT: Yeah, sorry I...I zoned out for a sec.

(Y/N): I noticed. Scarly now please answer me sincerely, are you ok?

I frowned at her question.

(Y/N): Don't look at me with that face, you can fool anyone but not me. You've been weird since you arrived today, then you want to ask me something and zone out. This is not you, whats going on?

I take a deep breath trying to gain time.

SCARLETT: Im fine (y/n/n), just a little bit stressed for the premier tomorrow. You know it'll be the first time I'll be there alone and I guess this is stressing me out

(Y/N): Awww don't worry Scarly you'll be amazing as always.- she says taking my hands in hers smiling at me- You're the strongest woman I've ever met and I'm sure that walking on a red carpet alone is not gonna break you down.

I blush at her words and lower my head shaking it a bit.

SCARLETT: The problem is not standing alone on the red carpet, the problem is the presss questions and the scandal that not having a partner for this event is gonna create.

Her smile dropped. She understands what I mean and she knows how much I got stressed when the press spread fake gossip about me.

(Y/N): Well I'm sure we can find someone inclined to accompany you or...

I raised my head at her or and saw the fear and embarrassment on her face. I dont know what happened to me at that moment, but suddenly I felt super confident and the words came out of my mind without me noticing.

SCARLETT: Or you can come with me as my date.

My eyes widened as soon as I realized what I said and I started to panic even more. I try to focus on the bright side of this thing but right now I can't care less about the fact that I practically confessed to my crush, I'm too scared of her reaction. My train of thoughts and paranoia stop rushing when I hear (y/n) laughing.

(Y/N): Your face is sooo funny! Seems like youve seen a ghost!

I try to force out a laugh but it dies in my throat before it can even get out of my mouth so I limit myself at smiling.

(Y/N): You know I wasn't thinking about me when I proposed another option right Scarly?

I nod sadly.

(Y/N): I was thinking about that Colin Jost... But if you want me to be there with you I'll cancel my date night with my couch and Netflix and come with you!

SCARLETT: Really?

My eyes lit up when she agreed to come to the premier as my date. I was so excited and happy as if a burden had been lifted from my shoulder. I jump out of my seat and hug her tight.

SCARLETT: Thank you, thank you, thank you!

(Y/N): Yeah, but don't get too excited I'll only do that in order to see the movie before anyone else.

I stop hugging her and go back to my seat putting on a childish pout and faking to be offended by her statement.

SCARLETT: For what you said you'll have to choose the dress on your own and come to pick me up tomorrow at 5pm.

(Y/N): No no no no. I was joking, girl, chill down! I obviously agreed to come cause youre my best friend and I don't want to let you go alone.- she said scratching the back of her head in facking embarasmen- Now please help me pick a dress!

I burst out laughing at her begging and she joined me soon.

SCARLETT: Ok (y/n/n) well go pick a dress now, but please learn how to plead cause you suck!

We get out of the caffe laughing and wondering about what will happen tomorrow night like two girls going nuts the day before the prom.

TIME SKIP TO THE RED CARPET

I'm walking side by side with (y/n) down the red carpet and I've never felt more powerful in my whole life. For the first time I'm standing in front of the press, journalist, photographer and I don't care about what they're saying and what they'll say tomorrow.

Down the path we stop for some photos and interviews. And I noticed (y/n) tensing and shaking when people ask her questions. Without thinking too much about it I hold her hand rubbing my thumb over the back of it trying to calm her down.

SCARLETT: If it's too much for you I can take you inside the theatre and come back out here alone.- I whisper in her ear.

(Y/N): No it's ok, I'm a little bit overwhelmed but I'll be fine. Just can you hold my hand?

SCARLETT: Sure thing hon, everything for you.

I see her blushing and that makes me smile.

We are now in the theatre and the movies have been going for a while already when I realize that the scene of Natasha's sacrifice is coming up. I shift in my seat trying to get comfortable and ease the stress. I know this scene would come, I mean I shoot it, but it's sad anyway cause after I played Natasha Romanoff for 10 years I can say that she is part of me now.

As soon as the Widow jumps down the cliff the theatre is filled with gasp and sob. Every member of the cast looked at me shocked since no one except Jeremy knew that. Robert, who was sitting at my left lean near me.

ROBERT: You hide it to us for all this time?

SCARLETT: Feige's order.

I hear a sob coming from the person at my right, so I turn around to see (y/n) crying in her seat. That view makes my heart clench, she is so beautiful and precious even with tears rolling down her cheek. I stare at her for a while before she notices and grabs my hand holding it tight in search of comfort. When our hands touch I feel my stomach flutter and my heart skip a beat, we stare at each other's eyes and without realizing we both start to lean in closer without breaking eye contact. My heart was beating so fast and my mind was wandering freely imagining how could (y/n) lips would feel against mine.

Our magic moment was interrupted by a flash coming from the screen we woke up from our state of trance and back off blushing in embarrassment.

TIME SKIP TO EVANSS PARTY

(Y/N) P.O.V.

Me and Scarly are at a party hosted by the one and only Chris Evans. I've lost Scarlett in the crowd so I make my way to go get another drink. If I have to be totally honest I lost count of how many shots I've had, but drinking helps me forget about the problem and right now I have a big problem to take off my mind.

I still can't believe that me and Scarlet had almost kissed each other early in the theatre, but most importantly I can't believe I want it to happen again! She is my best friend and I shouldn't have those thoughts about her. I shouldn't wish to kiss her, but here I am.

The night went on with Scarlett chatting with her cast members and me drinking shot after shot till I practically passed out on someone which at the moment I don't remember the name, my head hurt too much for thinking. I slurred an "I'm sorry" while trying to get back on my feet.

BRIE: Here let me help, youre too drunk to stand alone.- she said while helping me stand still.

(Y/N): I'm not - hiccup- that dwunk -hiccup.

BRIE: Yeah and I'm a member of the Queen.

I stare at her for a while.

(Y/N): Ohhh, that's why you seemed familiar!

BRIE: Ermmm ok. Are you here with someone?

I pointed to Scarlet who was talking to some girl and that view made me jealous. She is mine! The girl member of the Queen walked me to Scarlett and whispered something to her. After that my bestie excused herself from the girl she was talking to and rushed to me. We walked out the house where the party was going on in silence and got in the car where I passed out.

I wake up at Scarlett shaking me violently.

SCARLET: We are here but I need you awake I can't pick you up with this stupid heels.

I nodded and focused my attention on keeping my eyes open. Scarlet helped me get out of the car and walk to the door where she made me lean against the wall while she searched for the key. We finally got inside the house, I threw my purse on the floor and leaned on a table falling asleep.

SCARLETT: No that's not the bed hun come on, we have to take you upstairs then you can sleep I promise.

She struggles at makinkin me stit up since I'm not cooperating much, but I'm too tired to move or even think. I look at Scarlett and notice that she is standing between my legs while Im still sitting over the table. In this way I was way more taller than her so I managed to look at her and notice how embarrassed and frustrated she is right now. I lost myself in her beautiful eyes for the second time in a day and before I even noticed we were leaning in eachother again.

SCARLETT: Fuck this!

Her lips crushed on mine in a very passionate and loving kiss which I gladly responded to. Its amazing, our lips complete each other like two pieces of the same puzzle. I lost myself in those kisses and I didn't even notice that Scarlett had picked me up and she is trying to walk to the staircase without interrupting our magical kiss.

Eventually our lips came apart and as if nothing happened she took me up to a room and put me to bed pecking my lips before I passed out definitely.

TIME SKIP TO THE NEXT MORNING

I stir and roll in the bed trying to remember what happened last night. I wake up and look around noticing that this is NOT my room. I sit up quickly causing my head to hurt and I notice a glass of water with some pills near it and a post-it on the nightstand. I pick the note and read it:

"I got you some pills and water, they'll help with your hangover. There are some of my clothes on the chair put them on then come downstairs I'm doing pancakes

-Scarly❤"

I start to get dressed trying to recall at my mind what happened after the party when something hit me. ME AND SCARLETT KISSED!

I fall on the floor tripping over the bed sheet, I stand up again and start going downstairs rubbing my sore back. When I entered the kitchen I saw Scarly focused on not burning the pancake. I walked behind her, slid my hand around her waist, hugging her and kissing her cheek.

(Y/N): Morning love.

SCARLETT: Look who decided to wake up!- she said kissing my lips- How are you feeling?

(Y/N): Me good, my ass not much since I fell on the floor.

We burst laughing and sit at the table starting to eat breakfast without the need to talk about what happened last night cause both of us know that we wanted it for a long time.

Love you you all and be safe

Dasy 🥰

#scarlett johansson x reader #the avengers #marvel #girls who like girls #actor x reader

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valntynedeangelis · 3 years

Text

Homesick - Thomas Raggi

Requested by @fairyth0rns In which a homesick Thomas confides in you after a show. I changed up the premise a little but I love how it turned out!! LOTS of fluff and feelings! Hope you like it <3 this is basically Thomas Raggi stan acc at this point ahaha.

word count: 1,914

REQUESTS OPEN

-no warnings

Being on tour with your best friends wasn't always easy, there were small fights, drunken mistakes and harmful words that got said, but it was just the pressure they were all under, no one was ever mad at each other for long, it was just the lifestyle catching up to everyone.

No matter how hard things got out on the road you knew there would always be someone you could turn to for help and consolation, and things did get hard being away from your life back home. However, you knew that everyone gets that way and all you can do is support each other.

Loud cheers erupted from the audience as the show came to an end, you had been out on the road with Måneskin for a few weeks and as the tour was coming to the end you couldn't help but smile, thinking about how far they had come not only in the last few months but over the last few years that you had known them.

Every single milestone and achievement made you all the more proud of the four people before you on the stage which you called your family, that's what you had become a close-knit family and you couldn't imagine your life without them.

"Thank you, everybody, we have been Måneskin, goodnight!!" Damiano screams excitedly into the mic as the band begin to leave the stage, you clapped and cheered for them from in front of the stage, but in front of the crowd barrier. Snapping a few pictures of them as they held up their instruments and waved at the crowd, Vic stuck her tongue out at you and leaned into the camera as you took her picture.

After the show, you all made your way back to the hotel you were staying at for those few nights, there was an off day tomorrow so everyone decided that it would be fun to go down to the bar and have a couple of drinks.

Down at the bar, you all raised a glass to the great show they had put on and the successful tour also for good luck in the future. Music played loudly as you all danced together, laughing with one another at the terrible moves coming from each of you, everything was perfect and it was moments like that which made all the fights and upsets worth it.

Swaying your hips to the music you felt someone's arms slip around your waist, looking down you recognise the rings on their hand, It was Thomas and you instantly relaxed into him, moving softly to the music in time with him. Whilst you loved everybody in the band, you and Thomas had a special bond, you just understood each other a lot more deeply than the others.

"Are you okay my love?" turning around to face him in his arms, you met with a slight frown, you hated seeing him like that and would do anything to make him feel better.

"I guess, I just feel...I don't know I think I'm just tired" You could barely hear him over the loud music and the screaming from your friends as they fooled around, picking one another up and throwing them around.

You take Thomas' hand, leading him away from the dancefloor and out the backdoors to the beer garden outside. The atmosphere instantly softened and you could tell he was a bit more relaxed. "What's going on in your head sweet?" the two of you take a seat at one of the tables, he pulls a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket and lights it, he offers you one but you politely decline.

"I'm just so tired of being out here away from home, it's catching up to me now. I just want to wake up and not have to worry about how I'm going to do that night, the pressure is just getting to me y/n." He rests his head on your shoulder, your hands instinctively go to his shaggy blonde hair, he loved when you would play with his hair.

“ I know my lovely, everyone feels like that sometimes It's completely normal you just have to do your best and that's all anyone can expect from you, we'll be home before you know it" Placing a kiss to the top of his head he sighs, putting out his cig he takes your hand in his and plays with the many rings on your fingers. You never wore rings until you started touring with the band, they introduced you to them and would always buy you one as a thank you at the end of every tour- they were so special to you and you made sure to wear them every day for good luck.

"Y/N, I don't want to be at this place anymore, I can barely catch my breath" you knew what he was feeling was social anxiety, you had spent so many times with Thomas backstage just calming him down when he'd work himself up into a panic, it was never a bother to you though you just loved to make him feel comfortable and safe.

" We can go back to the hotel if you want, watch your favourite movie and cuddle?" you suggest, he doesn't say anything but just nods, "I'll just go tell the others, meet you out the front." Getting up, you place another kiss on his head before helping him up and making your way inside, for a minute you struggled to find anyone but you saw Vic by the bar being chatted up by some guy.

"Vic, me and Thomas are going back to his room, I'll see you in the morning" you hug her, Vic had always admired your relationship with Thomas, she knew that no one made him feel like you did, she would often tell you how cute it would be if the two of you were dating. Whilst you liked the idea of being with him, you knew that it was far important just being there for him you wouldn't want to risk everything and then not be able to be there when he needed you the most, so you were okay with just being friends.

“ Don't do anything I wouldn't do girl, have fun" she teased, causing you to roll your eyes everyone in the group would make jokes about how you and Thomas acted like you were already a couple but you paid no mind to it.

Meeting Thomas outside you walked hand in hand down the road, taking in all the sights the city had to offer whilst you made your way back to the hotel you were staying at.

Back in his room, you changed into a comfy shirt of his, whilst he only wore a pair of grey shorts. You couldn't help but think how good he looked in them, those shorts of his were a weakness of yours and he knew that which is why he always wore them around you.

Relaxing on the bed, you lay your head on his chest your arm draped over his lower torso, he had an amazing body and you would often catch yourself sneaking a look whilst the two of you changed together. "what do you want to watch then?" you asked, tracing circles around his 'Må' tattoo, you had been there with him, holding his hand as he got the tattoo done.

"you choose" his voice was soft, you could tell he was tired, so you just put on a film you had seen a bunch of times so you didn't have to pay attention to it, so he could just relax and fall asleep.

"You know, I don't want the tour to end" you could tell something was on his mind. "why's that?" leaning upon your elbows you turn to look him in the eyes, getting lost momentarily in them.

"Because you won't be there" a tear falls from his eyes and you quickly wipe it away, holding his face in your hands.

"aw sweetie, I'll always be there, even if I'm not with you every day, you can always call me" you kiss his cheek, comforting him, wiping away more tears.

" it's not the same, I just want to be with you all the time, you make me feel like nothing else on earth, when I'm with you nothing matters y/n, I don't know how you do it but I don't want it to ever stop" now it was your turn to cry, no one had ever made you feel so special or important in your life and it felt so good to hear those words leave his mouth.

"Oh Thomas, I don't ever want to be without you either, but you know I have a life back home, outside of the band. I'm only a short drive away, you can come to see me whenever you want and whenever you feel sad I'll be there as soon as you call" It broke your heart to see him so vulnerable, but you knew there was nothing you could do, you lived about ten minutes out of Rome, you couldn't afford the city.

"I feel so selfish, I just want you all to myself all of the time. I count down the days to the start of every tour because I know that I'll get to wake up and see you every day, that I get to spend all the time in the world with you, with nothing keeping you from me" He sits up, pulling you into a tight embrace.

"I know sweetheart, I know" Is all you could say, you were choking on your own words, it hurt so much that you couldn't be with him all the time.

"I don't even just mean with me physically, y/n you complete me, you make me a better man and I..." he pauses, wondering if he was really about to say what he was going to say.

"I love you y/n and I know you feel the same way about me, I've just always been too scared to do anything in case I scare you off because I can't bear to lose you" you pull away from the hug to look him in the eyes once more.

"Thomas, I've been in love with you since we first met you have no idea what it means to me to hear you say this" the two of you lean into each other, your lips inches away from his but before anything could happen the door bursts open, causing you to jump away from each other.

"Y/N Dami's been siiiickkkk" Ethan whines, stumbling into the room throwing Damiano down onto the bed beside you. Just like that, you had been snapped out of your cute moment with Thomas and back to the reality of the mother of the group.

"oh dear, let's get you cleaned up shall we?" you get up pulling Damiano up with him and take him to the bathroom, stopping at the door to look over at Thomas who just had the biggest grin on his face that you had ever seen. Even though you had been interrupted you knew that things had changed forever and that you'd have plenty of time to carry the moment on later, running a bath for your drunk friend you couldn't hep but smile too, everything was perfect in that moment and you wouldn't have it any other way.

#måneskin imagine #thomas raggi imagine #måneskin #thomas raggi #band imagines #imagines #valyntyneimagines #fluff #valyntyneraggi

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ming-yu-hao · 3 years

Text

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder | Chapter 3

Pairing: fratboy!mingyu x female reader

Word Count: 6k

Synopsis: When you transferred to a different university, you and Wonwoo promised that you would make long distance work. But distance proves to be more difficult than you both originally thought.

This Chapter’s Tags: angst, protected sex, finger sucking, grinding, light choking/spanking/dirty talk, mingyu just being an ass man, riding, cheating obviously

Warning: THIS SERIES IS ABOUT CHEATING. DO NOT READ IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!

A/N: Y’ALLLLL I’m sorry this took me forever to upload... I just got super busy but there won’t be as long as a wait for the next chapter! As always feedback is appreciated and I hope you guys like this :)

Chapters: Previous | Next | Masterlist

Your knees quivered beneath you as you pulled the soft fabric of your leggings up your thighs and over your hips. You bent down to pick up your shirt that was still balled up on the floor, and when you stood again you could hear the bed rustle behind you as Mingyu shifted his weight.

Guilt didn't hit you until you slipped your shirt back over your head, fully dressing yourself once again.

What had you done?

Without looking at him, you spoke: "I think I should go now."

He was silent.

You stepped over to the door, your hand about to twist the knob when he finally called out to you.

"Y/N."

You looked at him. He was sitting up on his bed; his dark hair was a mess, hanging over his forehead. His lips were parted like he didn't know what to say.

"Um, don't forget your jacket. It's cold outside." He pointed to your jacket that was still discarded on the floor.

"Oh, thanks," you said with your voice wavering. You quickly picked up the jacket and headed for the door again.

"Text me when you get home, okay?" Mingyu rushed to say. The corners of his mouth quirked up into a thin, awkward smile and you nodded your head in response.

Why did he suddenly care? He used to just be some guy you sat next to in class. When did he want to become your friend? When did he start to become protective over you? Was this all really just because of his half-drunken encounter with you at that party? Did the moment you two shared that night cause him to feel some kind of attachment to you? Thinking about it all made your head spin. Nothing made sense to you anymore.

You turned the knob and cracked open the door when Mingyu spoke again.

"Um, also... you know, if you ever need anything... I'm here for you." His voice shook a bit.

You exhaled. "Thank you."

You slipped out of his room before he could say anything else and stepped down the stairs quietly, attempting to dart out the front door before anyone could see you. There was a small group of people hanging out in the living room like Mingyu had said, their laughter and conversations loud and echoing through the house.

When you reached the bottom of the stairs, you kept your gaze down at your feet while you scanned the floor for your shoes.

"Y/N?" You heard a voice call from behind you.

You huffed out a quiet breath in frustration before turning around with an overly sweet smile on your face. Your eyes landed on Seungcheol.

"Oh, hey! It's weird not seeing Jisoo following you around." You joked.

Seungcheol smiled sheepishly. "Yeah..." He trailed off, looking down at the ground.

"Are you guys dating?" You probed with a raised eyebrow.

"I wanted to talk to you about that, actually." He admitted, making eye contact with you. Curiosity plagued you, and you stared at him expectantly as you waited for him to speak. "I wanna do something special for her when I ask her out... just cause, I don't know, I really like her." He stammered nervously, lowering his voice so no one could eavesdrop.

You gave him a genuine smile. You were happy that Jisoo had found someone that truly liked her. Ever since the beginning of the semester, she had been cycling through an array of terrible guys that used and ghosted her. Seungcheol seemed like a genuinely good person; you trusted him to take care of her.

You brought your hand to your chin as you pondered for a moment. "Well, if I'm being honest, she's, like, a huge hopeless romantic. Loves cheesy romance movies and stuff." You started, "If you took her out to a nice dinner and walked around some really pretty, romantic place after, that'd be her dream come true."

Seungcheol nodded, his eyes glazed over in deep thought as he acknowledged your advice. "Yeah, that sounds like her." He smiled. "Thanks."

You nodded. "So... how did the raffle go?"

"It went really good, actually." He responded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "The money's going to a child psychology organization. I've been doing research with them for a few months now."

Your eyes lit up in interest at his story. "That's really cool. Have you discovered any groundbreaking research yet?" You half-joked.

He chuckled, "I guess a little bit."

A lightbulb suddenly went off in your brain. "Hey, do you think I could interview you about all this research stuff you've done? I need to write an article for class."

Seungcheol shrugged. "Sure."

You spent the next few minutes probing him about how he got involved in the program, what he had been researching, his motivation to study child psychology—all while taking down notes on your phone. He explained to you how he had struggled with anxiety his whole life and wanted to find a way to help others. In the back of your mind, this was all affirming why he was such a good match for Jisoo. He was caring, passionate, charitable. Your heart warmed at the thought of Jisoo finally settling down with someone who was actually a good person.

Your interview came to an end and you thanked Seungcheol for helping you out. He nodded before glancing down at the jacket you were carrying in your arms.

"Were you planning on leaving?" He asked.

"Yeah, I need to go work on homework and stuff." You answered.

He attempted to suppress his smirk by biting his lip. "You and Mingyu didn't get much work done together?" He raised his eyebrows at you.

You felt your heart drop into your stomach. "What?"

"Relax, I'm just kidding." Seungcheol laughed. "He just seemed comfortable with you earlier, you know?"

The tension in your stomach loosened a little as you realized that he didn't actually know what happened between you two. This is exactly what Mingyu was worried about earlier. So it was true that Seungcheol liked to play matchmaker and get involved in everyone else's relationships.

"There's nothing going on between you guys?" Seungcheol questioned after you didn't respond.

You felt your cheeks grow hot with irritation. "No. I have a boyfriend." You said curtly.

Seungcheol's mouth formed an O-shape at the sudden coldness in your tone. "I-I'm sorry, I was just kidding." He quickly apologized.

"It's okay." You sighed. You glanced around for your shoes, avoiding his regretful gaze.

"Well, I really have to get going. Thanks for helping me out." You said as you slipped on your shoes.

He smiled apologetically and walked you over to the door. "See you, Y/N!" He called behind you as you stepped out into the cold.

You buried yourself in work for the next two days. You figured it was easier to just get lost in the flow of doing assignment after assignment rather than to think about what happened.

But no matter what you did, your mind still wandered back to that moment—when your lips finally met Mingyu's, and his body pressed against yours.

The worst part was that you didn't even try to stop him: you had agreed to it, and God, you even thanked him for it! You weren't even sure if you could regret what happened. You hated yourself for betraying Wonwoo's trust, but at the same time you craved attention and affection. Mingyu just happened to be the one that fulfilled your wishes after all this time.

You would never tell Mingyu that, of course. Honestly, you were unsure if you could even face him about it. He could tell that you felt guilty afterwards. If you just finished this stupid project and avoided him for the rest of the semester, he would probably get the hint and leave you alone.

It was Saturday evening when you typed the last words of your article on Seungcheol and his research. You hadn't talked to Mingyu since you left his room on Thursday night, but you needed him to complete his share of the work. Sighing, you picked up your phone and pulled up your messages with him. You quickly explained what kind of pictures he needed to take and told him to send them to you (so you could avoid seeing him anymore than you needed to).

You clicked out of your conversation, and that's when your eyes landed on the messages that were still unread by Wonwoo. You wanted to ask him what he was doing, but after three days with no response, it felt pathetic to even attempt to strike up a conversation now.

The sound of the door knob jiggling startled you before Jisoo busted into the room a moment later.

"Y/N!" She cheered in a sing-song voice. "We have another party to go to tonight!"

You already knew exactly where this party was going to be, and you felt your stomach drop at the thought of running into Mingyu.

You shook your head. "No way, Jisoo. I'm way too busy." You lied.

She pouted her lips at you. "Really? You've been working nonstop. How're you still not done?"

You shrugged and let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Well, you can take a break for a few hours. I promise I won't leave you this time. You can hangout with me and Cheol." She begged, looking at you with wide, saddened eyes.

Your phone vibrated between your hands, and when you glanced down you saw Mingyu's name on the screen.

Mingyu: I'm actually gonna be out studying and working on some stuff with a friend tonight. I promise I'll get the pics for you tomorrow :) Sent at 7:37 PM

You thought it was a little weird for a guy like Mingyu to be studying on a Saturday night, but when you realized that he wouldn't be at the party, relief flooded over you.

You looked up at Jisoo and saw her still expectantly staring at you, waiting for your response.

"I- I guess I could go for a bit."

"YES!" Seungkwan shrieked as he successfully landed another ball in one of Jisoo's cups. He turned to you and wildly smacked your palm in a high five, nearly hitting you in the face. Your stomach was starting to hurt from laughing for the past ten minutes over the intense match of beer pong in front of you.

The crowd around the table reacted loudly, some cheering and some booing as Jisoo downed another cup of alcohol. She shivered at the taste and Seungcheol came up from behind to pat her on the back. His lips moved as he said something to her, but with music blasting through the house so loud, you couldn't make out a single word.

Your phone vibrated in your back pocket. Without much thought, you pulled it out and quickly glanced at the screen.

Your heart sank into your stomach as you realized: Wonwoo was calling.

"Fuck," you muttered under your breath. You had completely forgotten that Saturday's were now reserved for your FaceTime dates.

You looked up at everyone with wide eyes, but they were too immersed in the game to notice your reaction. You pushed your way through the crowd and slipped into the bathroom before Jisoo or anyone else could come looking for you.

By the time you reached the bathroom and locked the door, the FaceTime call had already stopped ringing. Leaning against the door, you scrolled through your contacts and called back, but only as a phone call.

Wonwoo answered after two rings.

"Hey, everything alright?" He asked.

You swallowed. "Uh... yeah."

"Why didn't you FaceTime?" He continued. You hesitated, but then he spoke before you could say anything. "Why is it so loud? Where are you?"

You cursed yourself for not running away to a room that was farther away from all the music and noise outside the door. Fidgeting with your fingers, you answered: "A party."

"Oookay," he scoffed. "You could've at least let me know if you were gonna go out. But it's fine. Have fun, I guess." He responded coldly.

Your brows furrowed together instinctively. Now it was your turn to scoff at him. "You're not serious, are you?" The skin of your face grew warmer. Wonwoo was quiet. "I forgot. Sorry." You admitted through grit teeth.

"Why're you so mad?" He questioned in a defensive tone.

You rolled your eyes. "This is the first time I've ever cancelled on you and it was an accident. Do I need to remind you of all the times you ditched me?"

Wonwoo didn't respond.

"And what the fuck have you been doing the past three days that you couldn't respond to me?" You spat. Blood was rushing through your veins quickly now as anger took over.

He sighed through the receiver. "I was busy."

"Does it really take that much time to send a text to your fucking girlfriend?" Your voice began to rise. "How do you expect this to work if you don't even talk to me?"

"I'm sor-" He began to speak, but you interrupted him.

"You know, sometimes it feels like I'm dating nobody!" You cried. "Do you even realize how lonely I feel?" Your voice shook with each word as your throat grew tighter; tears welled up in your eyes. You didn't want to cry, but all the frustration you had bottled up the past couple months was finally spilling over.

In a calm voice, all Wonwoo said was: "I'm trying."

"Not hard enough." You scoffed.

"What the fuck, Y/N? Where is this coming from?" He cried. The sudden rise in his voice startled you a bit.

The phone shook in your grasp. "You act like I don't even exist! How can you call that trying?"

"Fuck, I'm not dealing with this right now. Go back to your stupid fucking party." He snapped.

"Yeah, just go and ignore me again!" You laughed sardonically.

The three tones of the call ending sounded abruptly. You looked down at your phone in shock. He had hung up on you.

Your hands balled into fists as you threw your head back against the door. Your jaw was tense, but your bottom lip still quivered.

He had done it again. It seemed it was becoming easy for him at this point—abandoning you when you needed him.

This wasn't going to last much longer if the two of you couldn't figure this out.

When you pressed your lips into a thin line, tears slipped down, staining the bags under your eyes with makeup.

Was he giving up on you?

Your head began to pound. You couldn't stand being in this hot bathroom any longer, much less this party in general. You wiped your cheeks with the back of your hand and turned to unlock the door.

As you took a step out of the bathroom, you kept your gaze locked on your feet; you didn't want anyone to notice the state you were currently in.

Not even a moment after opening the door, you collided with a tall, warm body.

"Sorry," you mumbled, pushing past.

"Y/N?" A familiar voice called. Strong hands grasped your forearm, and you glanced up at the figure.

Mingyu.

What force was bringing you back to him once again?

His lips parted in a small gasp as he noticed the redness in your tearful eyes. "Hey, what's wrong? Come here."

Before you could protest, he guided you back into the bathroom, closing and locking the door so no one could bother you two.

You kept your eyes down at the ground, unable to look at him. As he approached you, the heat of his skin radiated against you.

"I thought you were out studying." You spoke, breaking the silence.

Mingyu's hands found your jaw. He ran the smooth skin of his thumbs over your cheeks, wiping the tears that remained. "I finished early," he explained.

"Look at me," Mingyu whispered. You swallowed and blinked before meeting his eyes.

You didn't notice the thin, black-rimmed glasses that were resting on his nose before. His dark hair was pushed back, and his tan skin glowed under the bathroom light. You hated how instinctively drawn you felt to his presence.

You started to think that Kim Mingyu might be the Devil, disguised in the form of a beautiful boy that always knew the right words to say. He was here to tempt you, to swindle you at your most vulnerable moments, to test your fidelity. And you were weak enough to cave in.

"Is it your boyfriend?" He asked.

The gaze he held on you was so intense that you found yourself staring at the frames of his glasses instead of his eyes. You nodded silently in response to his question.

"Talk to me. What happened?" Mingyu cooed as he stroked your cheeks with his thumbs.

"I-" You started, but let out a sigh instead. "We just fought. I don't know. I don't wanna talk about it." You rambled.

"Okay," he nodded. "Sorry if I pushed it." He removed his hands from your face. The skin suddenly felt cold without his touch.

He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "We can talk about something else."

You stood still, nodding, but couldn't think of anything to say.

"You know," Mingyu started, "You look really pretty. Even when you're crying." Your skin flushed at the compliment.

Rolling your eyes playfully, you wiped the last remnants of makeup off your cheeks. "Is that your go-to line for every girl?" You joked.

"No," he replied. "Just cause I'm in a frat doesn't mean I'm a douche."

You snickered under your breath. "Yeah, but there's gotta be so many girls that hit on you."

"There's some," he shrugged. "Doesn't mean I flirt back."

Your legs were beginning to grow tired from standing, so you walked over to the counter and sat on the edge. You gripped the ledge to keep your balance, swinging your legs back and forth.

Mingyu stood in his same spot, but turned in your direction. He quirked his eyebrows at you. "Are you suggesting that I'm attractive enough to have hundreds of girls swooning over me?" He shot you a teasing grin.

You chuckled and shook your head. "You wish."

Mingyu's jaw dropped in a fake expression of shock as he came closer to you, but he stood to the side to stare at himself in the mirror. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Since when do you wear glasses?" You inquired.

"Since forever." He replied.

Mingyu placed his hands on the edge of the counter, pushing his weight onto them. The muscles in his arms were prominent through his black shirt. Your eyes dragged across his figure, eventually landing on his face again.

"I like them. They look good." You said.

He glanced at you, his eyes laced with hints of suspicion. "Thanks," he said with his voice a little uneven. He cleared his throat and stood up straight. "Did I help get your mind off him a bit?"

You winced at the mention of Wonwoo, but nodded. "Yeah, you did. Thank you." You exhaled.

Mingyu smiled to himself and his eyes met yours once again. "Good. I feel like it's the least I can do to help."

As you stared at him, you admired his features—his soft, clear complexion and plump lips. You suddenly became aware of how close he was to you; his hand was resting only a few inches away from your thigh. Your mind thought back to how it felt when those hands caressed the bare skin of your body. Impulsively, your thighs pressed together at the revisitation of the memory.

The room felt like it had instantly shot up ten degrees, and the heat left your judgement clouded like a foggy mirror. If Mingyu really was the Devil, his plan was working.

You leaned towards him until your face was only a few inches from his. Your breath caught in your throat as you went to speak.

"I really wanna kiss you right now." You admitted quickly, your eyes focused on his lips.

Mingyu backed away. "Are you drunk?" He asked. His eyes were wide with concern as he scanned you.

You remained where you were, embarrassment creeping up on you as you rapidly shook your head. "I haven't drank anything."

Mingyu chewed on his bottom lip. "I- I don't think it's a good idea. After last time..." he trailed off, glancing up to peek at your reaction. "I don't want you to do something you'll regret again."

"I don't regret it." You blurted before you could stop yourself.

You weren't sure what you were doing or where you wanted to go with this, but you couldn't stop. A feeling of lust had possessed you at this point, controlling your every word and action.

Mingyu looked taken aback at your confession, standing up straighter. His lips were parted in uncertainty, but you watched as his eyes flicked down to look at your lips.

"You don't?" He asked, inching closer to you.

Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest now. You quickly shook your head. "No."

His right hand found a place to rest under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him as his face neared yours. He swiped his thumb over your bottom lip.

"Are you sure?" He whispered.

Desire had overcome you so strongly at this point that you couldn't bring yourself to answer him through words. Instead, you crashed your lips onto his.

Mingyu responded eagerly, his kisses fueled with the same amount of force. Your hands quickly found purchase on the nape of his neck, pulling his body closer to yours. Right as you spread your legs to allow him to stand in between them, Mingyu's tongue darted against your lips, slipping into your mouth when you parted your lips for him.

He placed his left hand on your inner thigh, roughly squeezing the flesh between his fingers as he deepened the kiss. You moaned into his mouth, and he dragged his other hand down to the small of your back to pull you closer to him.

Now your core was pressed against his. Mingyu removed his lips from yours, only to place open-mouthed kisses on the area below your ear. You jerked your hips up as he nibbled lightly on the skin, the friction between your thighs growing.

Your jaw hung open as your arousal increased with each moment; your breathing became heavy while you panted into his ear. He sucked on your collarbone, and a chill shot it's way up your spine. You whimpered loudly and you could feel Mingyu smirk against your skin.

"You sound so pretty," he mumbled, his lips brushing against your skin as he spoke. He lifted his head, his tongue poking out of his cheek while he observed you. Your head was thrown back, eyes half shut, and you were ever so slightly grinding your hips against his for the smallest bit of relief.

Mingyu brought his fingers up to your lips, tapping on the soft skin to catch your attention. "Suck," he said, watching as you obediently parted your lips for him. He shoved two of his fingers into your mouth and pressed them down against your tongue. You could feel wetness building up between your legs. Even though it wasn't anything extreme, Wonwoo never did stuff like this with you in bed. You had to admit, all the new things that Mingyu was introducing to you excited you.

You hummed against him as he stuffed your mouth, almost gagging when his fingers neared the back of your throat. You swirled your tongue around his digits before he quickly pulled them away. You opened your eyes, staring at him in confusion, but his hungry gaze was already locked in on your core. He fumbled with the button of your jeans, and you felt your arousal suddenly spike at the thought of his fingers inside you.

You helped him shuffle your jeans over your ass and down to your knees. He bit his lip as he stared at your clothed heat, his cock stiffening beneath his own jeans, and pressed his dampened fingers to your clit through the fabric of your underwear.

You gasped quietly at the contact, but it wasn't enough. "Mmh, Mingyu," you whined. "Please."

"So needy," he teased with a smirk on his lips. He slipped his fingers beneath the fabric, pressing into your slick folds. His breathing grew heavier. "How're you so wet? I barely even touched you." He breathed against your cheek before he pressed a soft kiss to it. You blushed at his teasing words.

Mingyu rubbed your clit in slow circles, spreading your arousal around your folds. He pressed his lips to yours again, swallowing the moans you were letting out. He dragged his fingers down your heat, teasing your entrance by avoiding it. You clenched around nothing.

"Mingyu, I need you," you muttered against his lips.

"My fingers?" He questioned teasingly, pushing the tips of his digits into your core.

Desire was eating away at you, clouding your thoughts and replacing them with lust-filled ones. You bucked your hips up into his hand, whimpering beneath him.

"No, I want... you." You panted, looking up at him. Embarrassment picked away at you due to your vague request. His eyes appeared even darker than usual as he stared down at you with lust, registering what you were asking for.

Just as he was about to speak, the door knob shook, followed by loud pounding on the door. You jumped, and Mingyu quickly pulled his fingers away from your heat, leaving you with nothing.

"Open up!" A voice called from outside the door. "I have to piss!"

Oh, how wonderful.

You looked to Mingyu with wide eyes, and he motioned for you to stand up. "Pull your pants up!" He shouted at you in a whisper as he wiped his hands on his jeans. He stepped away from the counter, pressing his lips together in frustration as he realized the tent in his pants was painfully obvious.

You pushed yourself off the counter, standing up with shaky legs as you quickly pulled your pants over your hips and re-buttoned them.

The door knob jiggled again. "I'm literally gonna piss myself if you don't open this door in five seconds!" The same voice cried.

"What do we do?" You whispered to Mingyu.

He sighed. "Get out of here as fast as possible and go to my room." Your stomach flipped at the mention of his bedroom; you were really about to go through with this. He reached his hand out for you to grab, and you took hold of it as he led you both to the door.

Mingyu fumbled with the lock, and the door busted open a moment later, revealing a very drunken boy on the other side. He looked both of you up and down. You ducked down slightly, attempting to hide your face behind Mingyu's broad shoulders.

"Fuck, Mingyu? Really? The bathroom?" The boy said with disgust.

Mingyu rolled his eyes, his hand squeezing yours tighter. "Fuck off, Soonyoung." He replied before rushing out of the bathroom with you following close behind.

You couldn't help giggling at Mingyu's comment. He glanced over his shoulder when he noticed you laughing, a smile finding its way to his own lips as he chuckled at you. "Was I too harsh?" He joked.

Mingyu dragged you through the house quickly, and when you reached the bottom of the stairs, he pushed you in front of him to lead the way. You rushed up the steps, and when you neared the top, a sudden smack was delivered to your butt.

You let out a cry, followed by laughter of disbelief. "Mingyu!" You exclaimed with your jaw dropped once you reached the top of the stairs.

Mingyu stood behind you, his hands gripping your waist. He giggled into your ear. "I'm sorry, your ass is so cute." He placed a soft peck to your cheek.

"Let's go," he whispered, his voice suddenly an octave lower. Your stomach twisted, and Mingyu began leading you towards his room with his hands still on your hips.

He let go of you to twist the knob and push the door open, but as soon as you stepped foot into his room, his hands found your waist again and hurriedly pushed you further past the door. He kicked the door closed behind him, pushing you up against the wood. His lips quickly found yours, kissing you with even more intensity than before.

You could barely catch your breath as Mingyu gave you more rough kisses. He was being taken over by lust; he pressed himself against you, allowing you to feel the hardness in his pants. You ran one hand from his shoulder down his chest and stomach, feeling the muscles beneath his shirt tensing at your touch. Finally you palmed him through his jeans and he groaned against your mouth.

"Fuck, you're driving me crazy." He whispered before placing one more messy kiss to your lips. He pulled away to slip his fingers under the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head quickly and tossing it to the floor. His lips found your neck again, and you moaned as his tongue darted out to lick your sensitive spot. His hands were on your ass, pulling you closer to him and squeezing the soft skin.

Your head rolled back. "Shit, Mingyu," you moaned. "I need you now."

Mingyu pulled away to look down at you with a grin on his face. "Yeah?" He raised his eyebrow. He spanked your ass lightly, causing you to whimper and lean into him. "Go to the bed." He demanded, stepping away from you.

You walked to the bed, trying to swing your hips to hide the nervous wobble in your knees. You felt Mingyu come up behind you, his body pressing against yours. His stiff cock was brushing against your thigh. You turned around, sitting on the edge of the bed as you looked up at him.

"When are you gonna take this off?" You questioned while toying with the fabric of his shirt.

He chewed on his lip as he smirked at you. Without a word, he pulled it over his head, exposing his muscular arms and toned chest. Your eyes dragged hungrily over his torso, drinking in the sight of the outline of his abs.

"Better?" He teased, interrupting your admiring of his body. You looked up at his face. His glasses still rested on his nose, but his hair was slightly disheveled and his lips were now pink and swollen from kissing yours. You were breathless. He was beautiful, and you wanted him so badly.

You perked up from the position you were sitting in, a surge of confidence driven by desire guiding you. "Lie down," you commanded. Mingyu looked taken aback for a moment as he processed your sudden dominance, but he just chuckled and laid down without protest.

Once his back was against the mattress and he was splayed out beneath you, you crawled up towards him, straddling his hips. You dragged your hands down his chest, admiring the softness and warmth of his skin while you began to grind against him.

Mingyu threw his head back as he moaned softly, and you felt yourself clench at the sound. You leaned down, pressing your chest to his as you left kisses on his neck. His hips bucked up into your center. The friction between your bodies was so intense it was driving you insane.

You felt his fingers drag across your spine, causing goosebumps to from across your skin. He fumbled with the clasp of your bra and pulled the straps down your arms. You sat up to fully pull it off and throw it somewhere in the room, and Mingyu quickly brought his hands to your breasts. He squeezed the sensitive buds, twisting your nipples between his fingers. You moaned and pressed your hips into his even harder.

"Ride me," Mingyu mumbled into your ear. Unable to form any words, you nodded, reaching for the button of his jeans.

You lifted yourself off him to help him unzip his pants, and once he started pulling them off you kneeled to the side to discard your own jeans. Just as you began pulling your underwear down your thighs, Mingyu reached for the nightstand next to his bed, shuffling around in the drawer and eventually pulling out a condom.

He pulled his cock out of his boxers, and it stood stiffly against his stomach. He quickly ripped open the package, sliding the latex over his shaft. You straddled his thighs again, about to sink yourself onto him when he quickly grabbed your hips.

"No, no." He said. "Turn around."

You looked at him in confusion. "But-"

"Just trust me," he added, pressing a soft kiss to your chest.

You turned around so your back was facing him, still straddling his thighs. He kept one hand on your waist as the other reached for his cock. He guided the stiff head through your folds, wetting his cock with your arousal. When the tip brushed against your clit you whimpered as you clenched around nothing again.

"Please, Mingyu," you whined.

He dragged the head down to your entrance, finally pushing into you. Both of his hands rested on your hips now as he slowly sunk you down onto him.

You moaned at the slight burning sensation the stretch left behind. It had already been months since a dick was last inside you, and with Mingyu's size it was even more intense.

You aided by lowering yourself onto his cock, and once he bottomed out inside you he stayed still to let you adjust. His dick twitched inside you, and you clenched around him in response.

"You're so fucking tight," he moaned into your ear. He began nibbling and sucking at the skin between your neck and shoulder from behind you, and you whined in response.

You lifted yourself off him slowly, basking in the feeling of his cock rubbing against your walls. You sunk down fully onto him before raising your hips again, finally beginning to ride him.

Mingyu allowed you to work yourself against his length while he brought one hand to your breast again. You moaned loudly as he squeezed the flesh between his fingers and bucked his hips up into you.

"Mmmh, shit, you feel so good," you babbled before crying loudly again. Mingyu quickly brought his other hand up to your throat, lightly choking you.

"Shhh, baby." He whispered against your skin. "You can't be so loud." His words were followed by another soft slap to your ass, making you whine quietly.

He let go of your throat, bringing both of his hands to your waist once again to speed up your pace. He angled his hips so he could thrust up into you at the same time, and the angle caused him to hit your sensitive spot every time. You panted loudly as the pressure in your lower stomach grew, and you ground yourself against his cock, clenching around him.

"Shit." Mingyu choked out breathlessly. "Tight little pussy's taking me so well."

Maybe it was the filthy words that left his mouth, or the way Mingyu took hold of your hips to slow your pace and thrust into you especially hard, but you felt yourself tip over the edge, your mind cloudy as pleasure overtook you. You couldn't even tell if you were crying out loudly, but you assumed so by the way Mingyu suddenly pulled himself out of you and pushed you forward until your face was pressed into the mattress and he was kneeled behind you.

He thrusted into you roughly now, trying to reach his own high. Your eyes were rolling back into your head as your core tingled with oversensitivity, and you could feel yourself drooling onto the sheets.

He came with a particularly rough grunt, pausing his movements as his cum emptied into the condom inside you. He moaned breathlessly and he slowly pumped himself in and out of you to milk his orgasm. Finally, he pulled himself completely out, and his hand ran across your spine.

"You okay?" He asked, and you lifted yourself onto your hands and knees, nodding. Mingyu looked down at your legs, his lips dropping in a slight gasp. "Your thighs are shaking." He noted out loud.

Your face burnt with embarrassment as you kneeled back onto your knees. When you finally turned to look at Mingyu, he was tossing the condom into the trash. His hair was now pressed to his forehead with sweat and his cheeks were tinted a shade of pink. When his eyes met yours, his lips quirked up into a smile.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get rough with you." He apologized. He sheepishly scratched the back of his neck.

You shook your head. "N-no, it's okay," you croaked out, finally able to formulate words now that all the post-orgasm bliss was fading away.

You didn't know why, but you felt like you had to be near him. You crawled up towards him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. It felt natural. Comfortable. It reminded you of how you felt with Wonwoo. And despite how much you enjoyed feeling Mingyu's soft lips against yours, that thought terrified you.

"Do you regret this?" He mumbled against your lips.

It scared you—the way you were able to betray Wonwoo so easily. Here you were, in bed with another boy: one that you shared inside jokes with and stole kisses from and ran to for comfort. All that you had built with Wonwoo over the past two years—were some miles apart really enough to tear everything down?

You answered honestly.

"No."

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