#i only wish hed held out his hands to them too and realize he didnt hve to go through it alone

[homo-house]

personally I think this segment is a prelude of the entire book and it hurts a lot more upon reread

#few men more doomed by the narrative than jude st francis. im sorry she never intended it to get better for you man #but she gave you friends and family to stay with you for a little while. to make it not be so lonely #i only wish hed held out his hands to them too and realize he didnt hve to go through it alone #a little life #jude st francis #willem ragnarsson #in the end its fine. i learned from all this suffering. this book changed me #sorry you didnt have to be alone my guy. it didnt have to be so lonely

[obsessive-ego]

Hot and sweaty

Anyone else hate hot weather and get super sweaty?

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Warning nsft

Voyeurism, masterbation

You come home sweaty and beej has a thing for that smell

You hated summer, you hated the heat, unfortunately your home town was known for its gross summers, it was hot, heavy, and muggy. Running errands openly sucked on days like this, you didnt drive, and the grocery store was only 2km from your home, which was fine during any other time.

The Deetz have asked you to "babysit" beetlejuice while they were on a vacation, the maitlands also pleaded this so they could have some alone time, you didnt mind, you enjoyed the demon's presence, and he yours, ever since you sucker punched him after a jump scare gone wrong, he became very clingy to you.

You were walking back home after retrieving misc groceries and snacks for movie night with Beej, unfortunately today was one of those hot and muggy days, you could feel the sweat rolling down your back, you felt so gross, hopefully you can steal some time to yourself and shower when you got home. Beetlejuice was already there, you summoned him this morning, but realized shortly after you still had adult things to do, he pouted about it, like usual, but shit needs to get done, that's how it is for the living.

Heading up to your apartment you felt sorta relieved, you felt so slimy and gross form the heat, but you were home.

Unlocking the door and heading inside to you small apartment, before you could even take your shoes off the bags you were carrying were gone, and you were pulled into the tight, cold embrace, of your undead friend.

The sudden temperature drop made you sigh in contentment, you weren't exactly the touchy feely type, but this was nice.

"Happy to see me doll? You missed me that much in the hour you were gone? Glad to see we're on the same page sugar" he laughs

You pull away, obviously embarrassed

"Where did you put my bags?" You sigh, finally removing your sneakers

"Away, dont worry about it" the ghoul pauses before leaning in close and taking a deep breath through his nose. "You smell different, stronger"

Your deodorant must have crapped out on you, you sigh, you probably smelled really bad, you could feel your shirt clinging to you back with how sweaty you were.

"Sorry, it's just really hot out and-" your babbling was interrupted with Beej leaning in closer, mouth practically against your ear.

"You smell really good sweet heart" he purrs, you flinch and move away out of panic.

For once his flirting and your reaction wasnt followed by his awful cackle, looking back he had that awful smug smirk he always wore when he got a rise out of you, but also the electric pink hue mixed in with the green mess of his hair, was he actually serious?!

Regaining yourself, you take a deep breath "I'm gonna shower okay? Please-"

You were interrupted by the snap of him fingers "Please Mr Beetlejuice, would you like to join me and scrub my back~?" You cover your mouth at that.

Beetlejuice laughs "I would love to doll, but I ain't a fan of water, I wouldn't mind watching though" he hollers after you as you had to the washroom.

He was messing with you and he was disgusting, so he probably did like the way your sweaty body smelled, you huff through your nose, you wish he was a tad easier to read, the hair helped, but it only went so far, the man never took anything seriously so he could be almost impossible to read, all you knew was that he liked to mess with you, and despite how awful and gross he could be, you honestly really enjoyed him being around, slipping out of your clothes, you couldnt help but smell you shirt, yup, it was as bad as expected, not to mention a little damp, gross, at least a shower will make you feel better.

Alone in the living room, the ghoul sighs, shame you decided to shower, he thought you were fine the way you were, smelled real good too, he knew how sweaty you got and how good it smelled from digging in your dirty laundry basket, you were the type to work out, so it was no surprise, he just never got to smell it straight from the source, would have LOVED to get to lick your neck and get a good taste though.

Lost in his own thoughts he is brought back with the sound of running water, you were gonna take a shower, you NEVER did that when he was around, and here he was not taking the opportunity.

With a snap of his fingers he was invisible, as much as he hated being invisible, this was an exception. Walking into the bathroom, he sits himself on the sink, your shower didnt have a window door like the Deetz, I was a a normal curtain, but transparent enough where he could see your silhouette. he sighs, content in the little show you're providing, he catches something out of his peripheral vision, your clothes you were wearing when you came in, they were thrown in a little pile on the floor, on top of the pile laided a bright red pair of panties, freshly worn, this was perfect, but the real question was 'would you notice?'. There was a real good chance you wouldn't, there was no way youd put back on your dirty sweet smelling clothes after a shower right? Right, youd probably just toss them in the laundry, it felt like an eternity debating on if he could get away with adding this crown jewel to his collection of cum rags he stole from you, he bit the bullet and took them, praying on your oblivious nature to not notice.

Once the lacy fabric was in his hand he was gone, leaving you to enjoy his new treasure. With a small apartment there really wasnt much places he could hide when you were around so he could tend to his urges, the bathtub was the go to, but that wasnt an option right now. Instead he took the hall closet, the only things it held were a vaccum, a few coats, and a pair of rain boots.

The running water stopped, beetlejuice carefully listened for you, hearing you move from the bathroom to your bedroom to get dressed, at frist he debated should he watch you dress or enjoy his new treasure asap, he chose the panties, the ghoul could watch you dress anytime, but these, fresh off your sweaty body panties, were rare and the opportunity probably wont come again.

With that thought he was set, bringing the crotch of the garment to his nose and inhaling deeply, he let's out a low quiet groan. These were so much stronger then the others, he fumbles with the fly on his pants, eager to free his ever hardening cock. Curious he licks the crotch, pleasantly surprised by the lingering taste of you, he let's out a soft whine, god slash satan he wanted to taste you from the source, but damn this was pretty close. The demon began lazily stroking his cock, your red panties pressed to his face, giving him the ability to both lick and smell them, bucking into his hand, the ghoul couldnt help but imagine you sitting on his face, fresh from a long workout or a walk in the heat, whatever would make you nice and sweaty for him, you would be shouting out how much you loved his tongue while you reached around and jerked him off.

Jerking himself a little faster he mumbles "you like that sugar? Yeah you do, you smell just as good as you taste sweetness, no wonder I call ya sugar~".

The closest was completely illuminated but BJ electric pink hair, he was completely lost in his own pleasure, his heart, if it was still beating, would have stopped completely when he herd you call his name, he completely forgot you were in the other room.

The ghoul had to think fast, get you off his trail until he finished, yes he liked you in a romantic way, soft kisses, dumb jokes, and pound you into the mattress kinda way, and yes he knew you liked him, but he was still unsure of how much, so finding him in his current situation could really ruin what chance he had with you, youd probably be sick to your stomach and banish him for good.

With that in mind he had the perfect little distraction.

You were finally dry and freshly clothed, feeling much more comfortable, wandering around your home looking for the demon who was so eager minutes ago when you walked in. This was odd, Beetlejuice would normally wait infront of the bathroom door or bedroom door when you were doing something private, normally chatting with you, but not this time, it was always worrying when beetlejuice was quiet.

Wandering around you start calling out his nicknames, you stop in your tracks as a little note appearing from no where flutters down in front of you, grabbing it, it was obviously written by Beej, the hand writing alone screamed it.

'Gone scaring, be back soon, love the ghost with the most' you sigh, he must if got bored waiting for you, you shurg it off heading to the living room to play some Nintendo while you wait for him to return.

Assuming that you bought his little note, he returns his attention to your panties, moving them from his face after one last long sniff, he stifles a moan, bringing the cloth to his throbbing cock, wrapping it with your panties. As much as the ghoul wanted to fuck you proper this was a close as he was gonna get for the time being, having his aching cock envelope by your heat would be a dream cum true, but having your fresh scent wrapped around his meat was a close second.

With the image of you moving your sex from him mouth to his cock for a ride, he began stroking himself once again, the image of you bouncing up and down on his cock, shouting out praises and your chest bounces. biting his knuckles while little moans and groans slip out, the demon couldnt help mumbling "you're so good for me Y/N, you like that? You love it dont you?". Bucking hard into his hand, his precum being soaked up by your undies, he knew he wasnt gonna last any longer, the thought of you begging him to finish inside of your pussy was more then enough to send him over the edge, soaking your little red panties with his cum, removing the garment, he cleans up the rest of his mess with the lacy cloth before pocketing it, he'll toss it in the wash later, as much as hed loved to slip it into your underwear drawer in Hope's youd wear them, you weren't that oblivious.

He finishes adjusting himself, straightening out his jacket and sliding his now soft cock back into his pants, the ghoul hums to himself completely content in himself.

Chilling on the couch playing animal crossing you are interrupted but a loud gravely voice "HONEY I'M HOME" glancing up in the direction of his voice the ghoul was next to you in a flash, you flinched at the sudden movement, beetlejuice drapes an arm over you shoulder and pulls you close

"Ya miss me babes? You smell real nice, but I'd rather you be hot a sweaty for me again, I got a few ideas in mind to get ya-" you shove him off

"Haha very funny, keep it up and no home delivery pizza tonight" you tease

Bj frowns for a second before pulling you back into him arms "babes you live for what I do too much to deny yourself the pleasure of my performance" he cackles

As much as you hate to give him the satisfaction, you admit your defeat and agree.

This was gonna be a great week together

#beetlejuice x reader #muscial beetlejuice x reader

[tinydailysteps]

Its been a while since i wrote an update on here and though im grateful for a lot, i really needed time to reflect on whats been going on.

Tw Sexual assault and (idk if this is even valid for a tw but) emotional abuse

Today was the first time i accepted the truth of the relationship i was in. I was both sexually assaulted and emotionally abused.

I always thought those words held too much power. That they were too big not to be noticed yet here i am, months after, just now accepting the truth for what it is.

My ex lied to me about his character, pretending to be someone hes not and posing to be authentic to get me to be with him.. then openly admitted to doing so. At the time i thought he was kidding and that he meant he put effort cause he liked me.. i now realize that he studied me enough to know what i was looking for and became that but only until he got me wrapped around his finger. Once i was, id essentially be willing to do anything to stay there cause the rope that held me felt like the only thing that did. Though tightening around my neck it really did feel like the only support i had.

I hate that i was the first to initiate a kiss. What started as so innocent quickly turned into expectations of sexual favour. At first, giving him a blowjob meant satisfying him. "Its not a big deal" hed say. Eventually it became him wanting to return the favour despite me not being comfortable with it. I always thought that oral was about satisfying the other person yet everytime i felt even more scared. But still i thought it was normal since we were together.

During sleepovers id wake up with his hands between my legs and him grinding against me. I thought the fact that i was wet meant i wanted it. I didnt. And despite me physically pushing his hands away from him and saying no, his hands found their way back. Objects shouldnt have opinions, theyre meant to be used. I felt like an object during those times and i really wish it was just once. At this point even being in my own bed irks me. Seeing every street we walked, park we sat in and hearing every song from that time with him hurts. What hurts the most though is that i was dumb enough to lower my standards to nothing for him. To turn my own boundaries and limitations into light suggestions. I shouldve left and i honestly dont know why i didnt. I hate that i blame myself but i really do. I blame myself for every second i spent trying to make a relationship with an assaulter work. With the person who assaulted me.

If you read this so far, thank you for hearing me out. Though i doubt he'll ever see this, id like to dedicate the next bit to the piece of shit i once thought was the love of my life.

Dear J,

as much as id like to say i hate you i cant. Im disgusted by the person you turned out to be but the idealised version of you still lives in my head. Every once in a while i need to remind myself of every way you harmed me to realize that that version only exists in my mind and that the person who stood in front of me was an exact opposite.

You were a sexist. Always talking about what women should wear or do yet clinging to the one success you had in highschool as evidence of your manliness. I remember the countless arguments about "feminism" and why you found it to be such an issue that i identified as a femist. "Its racist against guys", you said. As if i didnt just reminded you that feminism by definition is equality between genders. Said that women and men have their roles and need to stick to them. Well, here i am telling you that you failed at the one thing you thought was right. If your definition of being a man is to provide, care and be the strong one in the relationship, you failed miserably. On normal circumstances i wouldnt give you shit for that but since you're you, you deserve to know that by your own definition you are not a man. By mine, youre just a shitty person. It took my a while after our break up to rekindle my love for feminism. To recognize that im not confined by the expectations of a man, or anyone else for the matter. I was even surprised to see that i was stronger and smarter than i let myself be during our relationship but i guess i wanted to let you feel like something youre not. Yes i grabbed that out of crazy rich asians cause ive never related to anything more.

Lets talk about your racism too. Youre constant need to act "black" yet criticism of the people. Cornrows, rap, streetwear, even words that dont belong to you, youd want. I remember the first time i heard you say the n word. It flew out of your mouth like it was nothing. Id applaud you for agreeing to stop saying it but that would be applauding previous idiocy and ignorance as well as the bare minimum. You still refer to immigrant workers with the lowest of terms. Youre still a racist. That i couldnt change.

While were talking about lack of respect, lets talk about family. As a person who spoke of that being the most important thing, you sure do disrespect your parents often. Im no one to judge family dynamics but act on what you preach. Talking shit about your mum is not respect and neither is shouting at her through the phone after she asks you the most basic of questions about YOUR well being. Again, youre a piece of shit.

I could go on and on listing things you might not even realize but its not my job to tell you what you lack. Just in case you were wondering though, its a lot.

Safe to say that i wish i never met you. Some might say "oh but you learned a lot!" but the damage youve inflicted on me is something ill need years to work on yet i know that you walked away with no remorse or lessons.

I hope you grow or rot in hell. Whatever comes first. Point is, stay the fuck away from me.

With utmost disgust,

Y.

#sexualassault #relationship #ex #emotional abuse

[afterthelastreset]

Rules Of One’s Soul Ch 12 A Little Offer P2

(mak belongs to @wasted-church  )

"He was rude!"

"He was probably having a bad day. Everyone gets cranky. Hehe. Of course he might even be more cranky once he realizes you took that diamond. "

"He was mean to me....Shiny diamonds mine now!"

The cat chuckled and leaned back in the cushioned armchair as he watched the small child make their way around the room carrying an armfull of trinkets and jewelry they had collected overtime, the newest addition being the decent sized diamond they had somehow snuck out of the glass case from the Hip Shop. The earlier altercation mustve given them enough time to sneak it away. To be honest he was kinda worried about the duke at this point and that was saying alot since he hasn't really worried about anything since Jevil's imprisonment over a hundred years ago, but I digress. Maybe it was because of the whole soul connection or maybe anyone looking as crazy and desperate as the duke was would send anyone worrisome vibes. He shrugged at the thought. It didn't matter. It wasn't any of his business to begin with. If the Duke wished to eat..eck!..worms and candy for the rest of his time off and avoid him for the rest of his life, well then there was nothing he could really do about it. A small pang of sadness rang out in him from his soul at the thought but he shrugged that off. Wasn't really his place really any ways. Jevil was the one to find him first....But then again-

A small smirk appeared on his face. What fun would a game with Jevil be if he gave up this early into the game? It WAS the most fun he's had in a while, but you see there were many ways to play the game. One way were to force your way to the finish line and push your way onto the goal with a few tricks, much like Jevil. Or one could patiently wait for an opportunity and gently but smartly nudge your victory forward to a checkmate. He just had to wait if or when his next turn comes to him....Or a certain worm noble.

The mere thought of the high life stuck up duke on his hands and knees digging around for worms of all things made him chuckle now that the whole ordeal was behind them. He didn't remember the last time he laughed so much. It was fun watching the Duke's strange ways. One moment he was acting like a holier than thou stick in the mud and the next like a confused pup. And a few times a scared mouse. It was quite a sight really-

A small clatter of metal and glass sounded out as Mak clambered up one of the shelves by the fireplace. They disappeared somewhere at the top and didn't come out for a while after. But soon after popped their head back out again.

"Im hungry!"

"You just ate breakfast an hour ago."

"Im hungry again!"

Seam sighed before shaking his head. "Young ones. I will never understand their bottomless appetite."

"Get me food?"

He sighed and slowly leaned away from the softness of the armchair before standing up to his feet. Just as he turned towards the child to ask what they wanted, the familiar flap of the sheap entrance caught his atttention. His ear twitched to the sound and a chuckle escaped his lips. He turned towards the door with a smile like hes always had. Though he was certainly not expecting a visit this soon, but just in case it wasn't really him-

"I really wasn't expecting customers today, Ill be out in a moment!"

"WORM!!", A voice shrilled from the front. Seam smiled knowingly and began his way to the store front," Thou willst commeth out this instant! I shan't be kept waiting for the likes of you!"

He chuckled more as he pulled back the curtain. "I was expecting you, but Im not sure I can wrestle the diamond away....from.."

He stopped in his tracks at the sight before him. Staring back at him wasn't a duke at all. What was staring back at him was an honest to lightner regular-ish looking worm man. He wore the same scowling face as the duke he knew, but this man had his glittering white hair tied back in a messy bun with stray strands drapping around that scowling face. Surpringly he wore no fancy suit, just a plain white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a dark blue pair of pants. He had to blink a couple times to actually register the sight before him but really focused when Rouxls cleaed his throat.

"Art thou done gawking at mine presence, Worm?"

"Uh....Sure. I just wasn't expecting you so soon...and in such.." He ran his one eye over him again. "Er...Common suit?"

Rouxls scoffed before rolling his eyes and pointing a hand at his face. "I came likest this-" He gestured to himself, "- to not ruin mine good wardrobe whilst in thine dust infected den."

"Oh. Then Ill be right back."

Rouxls gave him a questioning look. "Where art thou going?"

"Well I suppose you want the diamond back."

"What art thou speaking of? I have no need for nay diamond."

"Oh?"

Rouxls rolled his eyes again before pointing down towards the floor. Seam had to lean over the counter to see. By his feet was a decent sized bucket filled with what could only be described as Cleaning supplies and array of sponges and rags alike. He stood there silently for a moment before chuckling again and looking back up at the worm man.

"So you decided to actually take up my offer?"

He huffed. "Only because I amst in desperate needs of funds for mineself. Not because I needs thou's help."

In reality, it really was because he desperately didn't want to be stuck eating worms and fat inducing candy for a whole nother week. Buuuut in order to do that it would require for Seam to help him. Starving hinself was an option but hed rather not hurt himself before actually being able to get back to Lancer. His boy didn't need to see his lesser father desperate and a pile of bones. This was all for Lancer....It definitely didn't have anything to do with the way his soul kept thumping at the mere smile of the raggedy cat in front of him. Or his chuckling. Or the fact that the old cat may have been a pain but actually was the only one thus far to offer any help what so ever-

STUPID SOUL!! Stop!!

Seam chuckled but was glad none the less that the duke had decided to accept his offer."Of course not. "

"Good! Now thou shall standeth aside and lettest me do mine work!"

With a chuckle Seam gestured to the shop area before them and smiled. "It's all yours my friend. But please, mind the wares. Some are more old and brittle like myself."

"*hmph* Just keepest thineself and that little beast out of mine way!" He huffed and reached down to grab the bucket, but paused for a moment before looking back to the cat with a questioning look. "Speaking of which, where is that little menace?"

"Oh, Mak? They're probably eating that candy stash again-"

"N-Nay! I meaneth thee.." His eyes glanced around real quick. "-other one."

"Oh. You mean Jevil?" Rouxls gave a grimace and he chuckled. "You don't have to worry about him. He leaves early in the morning and doesn't return until almost eight o'clock.Hehe. Most likely entertaining the prince. By the speed in which you do things, I think you don't have to worry too much." He mumbled something to himself but went back to the supplies and picked them up. Seam tilted his head at him- "Would you like a hand there, friend?"

"Yes actually. Thou needs to vacate thine area immediately! I shant have any distractions!"

Seam hummed. "Are you kicking me out of my home? Isn't that illegal to do Duke?,

Rouxls shot him an annoyed look at the question. "Worm! I can't have thee waltzing around thine home whilst I cleanest it!"

"You're cleaning my whole home? I-...I hadn't really intended on that. Just the sheap front will suffice-"

"NAY!" The bucket was slapped down onto the counter making it's contents shuffled around inside it. A blue hand was pointed at his face inches away from his nose. "If I amst to clean mine mate's home correctly then thou art to gettest out until I amst finished. I tire of thine home's foul smell."

The cat didnt even flinch but instead remained frozen for a moment as the blue man still stood there staring intently at him. For a few seconds neither moved, that was until Seam blinked and slowly gave a chuckle. Making Rouxls raise an eyebrow.

"What tis thou fining so funny?"

"Oh nothing. I just wonder."

"About....what?"

A sly smile snuck across his face and he chuckled again. "Oh nothing you should worry about. But I do wonder what I should do in the mean time? Not alot for me to do anynore."

Rouxls groaned before placing one hand on the bucket. "I shant care." He then grabbed it into his arms. "Just leaveth and stay somewhere else whilst I getteth this over with."

"Are you sure about that statement?"

"Yes! Doth thou wantest me to do this or art thou stalling for amusement?"

Seam held his paws up in defence at the duke's angered and annoyed face. "Ok. Hold on one moment. Mak might be convinced by something, makes my job easier-"

"Yes, yes." Rouxls waved him off dismissively as he turned his attention to the rest of the, in his words, sloppy excuse of a home let alone a shop. He made a disgusted look not even trying to hide the fact of what he was thinking. "How can thou stand this filth?"

There wasn't an answer as Seam had already left for the back, leaving Rouxls to grumble to himself. It wasn't too long before the tall cat came out from the back with the small bat child floating about him. The two gave the already busy duke mumbling to himself and Seam had to grab the child as they reached their hands out for the shining white mass of hair-

"No. That's not what I meant."

"But I want the shiny stuff-"

"Not that." Rouxls gave a questioning look over his shoulder just as Seam was moving the bat creature over to his other side, before placing them down and nudging them towards the store exit. "Now run off and behave yourself."

Rouxls watched as with a huff the child stomped their way off to the front. The tent like cover making a flapping noise as they left. With a sigh Seam turned to the worm still staring at him.

"I dont suppose you would be willing to let me help you-"

"Uh...N-Nay! I wantest to finish and leaveth as soon as possible!" He again pointed to the door. "Now if thou please."

"Ok. I get the picture. But if you should change your mind-"

"Yes, yes." He waved off the notion and turned back to his work. "Leaveth mineself to thine peace worm!"

Seam chuckled again before turning his own body to the door, but not leaving without relaying a past notion. "Very well. Then I leave you to cleaning your 'mate's' home duke."

Rouxls mumbled to himself again but paused and turned to look back at the cat just as he ducked out the door. Leaving a mildly bewildered duke.

#seam x jevil #jevil x seam #jevil x rouxls #rouxls x jevil #rouxls kaard x seam #rouxls x seam #rouxls kaard x jevil #Nosuit #seaxls #rouxlvil #rouxvil #jeam #seavil #Deltarune #Rouxls Kaard #Jevil #Seam

[musashi]

im gonna try.

in 2016 i was dating a guy. he fucking sucked. he was the worst. i wish i could undate him. i watched the whole pokeani with him. sometime into hoenn i started getting vibes from the way he would react to certain things. if you’re a kin person you know these vibes--when someone... suddenly starts feeling a lot like someone you used to know.

obviously at this point this dude was the person in my life i was closest to. i loved him more than anything in the universe unfortunately. which put me in a weird position where i couldn’t really get all up in his space and demand “hey, are you james?! you have to tell me if you’re james otherwise it’s entrapment!” because when you spend your whole life longing for someone you used to be hand in hand with, there’s this fear in a question like that. that you’re forcing them to take on the role. i didn’t want to ask him or put that thought in his head because what if he wasnt? so i didnt, i decided he could come to it on his own time. he did. he was.

we had a messy fucking breakup i’ve talked enough about on here and probably one of the shittiest things he ever fucking did to me was compare me to jessebelle on his private blog. this is a trend amongst my exes--they kin someone close to me, they decide they don’t like me, they can’t separate me from the character they adore so much, so they erase my identity and replace it with one that better suits them. usually they phrase it “she’s my x” as though insinuating something like that isn’t a terrible fucking thing to do to a person. i’m sure if i ever confronted them about it they’d think its fine.

his reasoning for comparing me to her was simple--he was too much of a coward to break off our relationship in a non traumatic way. he could not sit down and have a discussion with me where we organized our things and went our separate ways. more on that later. i have a personality disorder that makes me go apeshit in the wake of abandonment, and even if i didn’t, i didn’t want my boyfriend of 4 years to suddenly be gone? which in his eyes, made me abusive and controlling and clingy and obsessive and ‘keeping him from his freedom.’ etc etc.

a few months pass and he’s finally getting his shit from my room. we pretend we’re friends to pass the time while we wait for his mom to pull in.

“you think james is gonna catch mareanie?”

“yeah. absolutely, yeah.”

i think about that topic of conversation a lot.

mareanie first leaked on the side of a TCG box, and when i saw her all those years ago my heart did the thing it does when it feels a connection. i played through the whole game without raising one, or going out of my way to find one, but she was somewhere in my head. when she got revealed for the anime, i thought to myself, “oh, thats why i like her so much! she was one of mine.” not one of jessie’s, but you know. one of ours.

and then her episode aired, and it planted in me something a lot less tangible. at that point, her only trait was that she loved james, who looked like someone else. she loved james, and her love was poison.

i... understood.

i’d never had a “copingkin” and with all the years that have passed i wouldn’t consider mareanie one anymore, because memories did come later. but its absolutely how she got her start with me. james was my ex and my ex was james and they were the same but they also weren’t the same and it didn’t matter because either way all i’d ever be to anyone i loved was toxic. i clung to mareanie. eventually, i developed better feelings toward myself.

sm058 aired. i watched mareanie’s ex boyfriend look like james and cheat on her. i watched the way he spun false stories in an attempt to keep her from standing up for herself. i watched what it did to mareanie--how she’d go downcast at corsola jewelry because it reminded her of him, how she’d scare off any other female pokemon that came near james because she was terrified he’d replace her with someone he liked better.

a while later, my ex, or someone affiliated with him, sent me this message:

and i took solace in that i finally had something i could respond with

a lot of people i’ve been close with fear me. i don’t actually know why. despite my theatrics in mundane everyday, i don’t have much of a temper with people i’m very close to. i fawn hard, i look to compromise, i listen more than i talk, sometimes to a fault. but either way, a lot of people who have decided our relationship has run its course are simply incapable of having that discussion with me. they either fade, or they leave. and when they leave, it’s always when i can’t chase after and demand a proper goodbye. it’s always when i’m vulnerable.

i wake up to hard blocks. people remaking their whole social media to get away from me before i knew they even felt that way about me. further back, notes left with my teacher for her to give to me when i came in for class. presents on my doorstep. text messages. most commonly of all, i go to sleep with someone and i wake up alone.

i woke up one morning at my sister’s house with him and he was erratic. he seemed stressed out, but wouldn’t tell me about what. i held his hand and told him to look through his cat tag on his blog. it was just a tag of cats he’d reblogged, one i reminded him about when he was sad and needed a boost. if he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, cats were all i could offer. he gave me one last smile as he was looking through it. 

“i’m gonna go on a walk,” he said. 

“okay,” i said. “please be safe? i’ll miss you.”

and i slept. and i woke. and he was gone.

there was a servine plush he’d gotten at pax next to me and nothing else. he insists there was a note but he’s insisted a lot of stupid shit. he later told me servine was supposed to be a gift, one final thing for me to remember him by. as if he hadn’t spent a million mornings getting ready for work beside me, where i’d wake up in tears and hold onto him for dear life--

“where are you going?” i’d say

“work, love,” he’d tell me, every time.

“please don’t go. please come back.”

i was never sure if he would. after all i’d seen, how could i be?

“i promise i will.”

and he always did. until he didnt.

i wasn’t surprised he had left that morning, but somehow the present hurt more than the abandonment. i hated how he tried to sugarcoat it, convince himself it was some bittersweet end to an era of his life and he was the tragic hero torn between two loves. thats not what happened. he cheated on me with my rapist, and then he abandoned me, and he stuck a cute little snake monster atop my budding crown of thorns to stop himself from sticking them and realizing he’s been the poison one all along.

he wasn’t my james. my james is here, the light of my life, leagues better than he’ll ever dream of being. my james is patient and understanding, my james knows me better than i know myself and shares her every hope and dream with me. my james adores the ways i cling to her and would never think to resent them, she grabs me twice as hard and tells me i’m her everything. my james thinks the feeling of toxins in her blood is the sweetest rush of all.

but i couldn’t do it. even though i’m in better hands now, i just can’t. he left her while she slept and he left the z ring on her as though it would fix the wound of that. i wish he’d done it differently. i wish hed said goodbye, i wish he’d hugged her tearfully and told her he’d come back to visit, i wish they cried and hugged and bewear scooped up mareanie in her arms and soothed her. i wish he hadn’t left the z ring. i wish he’d done everything different. 

i don’t know how to put all this into words. it hurt me somewhere deep, somewhere niche, somewhere layered and specific and messy. mareanie as a kintype was built on a foundation of fragility--love and emotion and the mortifying ordeal of being known. i guess if i had to put a word to this it would just be heartsick.

#wordy wendy #kin ramblings #absolutely no fucking reblogs #sm #sm012 #sm058 #sm146 #the great calamity #wendy rambles #like if you read i guess

[fiftyshadesgrl]

He saved me/ part 4

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationship. When things take a turn for the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: there will be ssmut, violence, torture, abuse and language. If you triggered by any of this i suggest you not read.

Feed back is always appreciated.

A few hours later it was completely dark. Sam laid in the back seat as best he could with his headphones in sound asleep. Dean had ac/dc playing on the radio and i started singing along to my favorite song. 'You shook me all night long.' Dean looked over at me and smiled at my off key singing. Instead of poking fun at me he joined in.

After the song ended he spoke, "i didnt think you were a classic rock kind of girl."

"What kind of music did you think i liked?"

He shrugged, "that rap crap. Ya know bass blaring kinda stuff."

I laughed, "i like all kinds of music but you cant beat the classics."

"Hell yeah!" He fist bumped into the air. I couldnt hellp but smile. His carefree side was something for sure. My heart raced just by looking at him. His lips looked so soft and i wanted to kiss them. My eyes traveled down his body, i remembered his abs and chest so toned. My eyes rested on his crotch, from the outline i saw earlier he had to be huge.

"Darlin' if you dont stop looking at me that way..." he said in a raspy voice.

I whipped my head around so fast it made me dizzy. I shrank as close to the door as i could, keeping my eyes fixed on my hands. "Im so sorry. Please....i didnt..."

His hand grabbed mine and he intertwined our fingers. "Dont be sorry. I love the way you look at me, but right now youre in no condition to do what im wanting to do."

I blushed at his words, but felt a tinge of horror in my heart. "Why would you want me? Im a nobody, im worthless." I whispered.

"(Y/N) look at me." I kept my eyes on our hands. "Look. At. Me" he said more forcefully this time. I slowly turned my head and lifted my eyes to meet his. "Do not ever, and i mean ever let me hear those words come out of your mouth again. You are not worthless. You are somebody to me. Dont you ever second guess it again. Do you understand me?"

His eyes shown truth in his words. I have never had someone say that to me. I nodded in agreement but yet parkers words still sounded in my head.

'No man will ever want you after what ive done to you. You will disgust them. Just look at you, if i was any less of a man i would be disgusted. Youre fat and ugly. Your pussy isnt going to look or feel the same after this. No man will ever want to touch you again.'

"(Y/N)." Deans voice pulled me out of my thoughts. Our hands still twined together, i pulled away thinking parker was right. Dean was just being nice after what i went through. After i healed hed throw me to the curb just like everyone else did.

"You hungry? Im gonna fill up, theres a deli inside that makes subs. Want one?" Dean asked. I shook my head and turned towards the window before he could see the tears that slipped out from beneath my lashes.

He slowly got out of the car and finally i was in silence, except for sams light snoring. Dean is an amazing man, he could have any girl he wanted. He wont want a broken shell of a woman like me. I shouldve just let parker kill me. The world would be better off, dean and sam would be better off too. They wouldnt have to worry about taking care of me and have me be a burden to them.

Dean got back in the car a few minutes later holding three bags. "I figured since you liked pizza youd like this. They had pizza subs in there, i got you a drink too. I expect you to eat every bite. No arguments." He handed me the bag and i had to admit it smelled amazing. My stomach growled at the smell and he smiled and pointed to the bag.

I gave in and unwrapped it and took a bite. I havent had food this good since before i got with parker. I was lucky to have a can of cat food to eat even then i had to make it last a week, while parker on the other hand would fix himself whatever he wanted. He wanted me to lose weight.

The thoughts about me being over weight claimed my appetite and i put the sub back in the wrapper and placed it beside dean. "Thanks but im still full from earlier."

He pulled the car over on the side of the road, he turned to me quickly. "I know what youre thinking and dont do it. Eat it or i will force feed you right here right now."

Tears pooled in my eyes and he sighed, "look, im sorry im not trying to force you but you need to eat. If you dont youre not going to get better. Im just trying to take care of you." He grabbed my hand "(Y/N), what is keeping you from eating?"

I inhaled and the words just tumbled out. "Im fat, parker told me. I can see it myself. My stomach is to big, my thighs touch. Im ugly. I shouldnt eat so much. Parker only gave me a can of food a week."

Deans grip on the steering wheel tightend, i saw his knuckles turn white. "I swear that fucker is going to suffer for what hes done to you." I tried to pull my hand away but his grip tightend. "Dont pull away. I know its hard for you to realize this now but i am not parker. Youre beautiful and youre not fat. In my eyes youre the most beautiful woman i have ever seen. So no one elses opinion matters but mine."

I shook my head "dean youre just being nice because of everything that happened."

He rubbed his hand over his face in frustration, "no im not. Im telling you the truth. Now eat. We will sit here until you do." Just to prove his point he turned the key and the cars engine shut off. I sighed in defeat and started eating again.

He smiled seemingly pleased with himself. Soon we were back on the road. After i finished my sub i placed the wrapper in the bag and leaned my head over on the window. "Here." Dean said and i looked over towards him. He held his jacket out to me, i smiled "thank you." I waded it up and used it as a pillow. A pillow that smelled just like him. Soon enough i was asleep.

I woke up in a bed but this time it wasnt a hospital bed. It was softer and the covers were a bit scratchy but i was comfortable. The pillows smelled familiar, like dean. I looked around and only saw a dresser and a table with a lamp on it. I must be in his room at their house.

The door was open, i moved my leg to see if it still hurt. "Damn it!" The pain seared through my leg and i knew there was no way i could put weight on it. I sighed because i couldnt do anything for myself. I hated feeling helpless.

"You okay?" I heard deans rough voice from the doorway. I looked up and he was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. My god he looked good. I shook my head, "i hate this. I have to depend on you for everything. Im a burden to you and sam."

He walked over and kneeled beside the bed, "you are not a burden. I take care of you because i want to."

I smiled at his kind words. Ive been doing alot of smiling lately thanks to dean. Hes got such a wonderful soul and heart. He looks rough on the outside but hes really a very caring person.

"Thank you dean. I cant tell you how much i really appreciate what you and your brother done for me. I just wish i could help out in some way, but i cant do anything because of my leg." I placed my hand on his cheek and he actually leaned into my touch. I cant explain whats going on between my heart and dean but i liked it.

He looked up into my eyes with such adoration it hurt. What is it about him?

"I actually have a friend that can help you, if you want to." Dean said cautiously.

"How can they help me? Are they a doctor?"

He shook his head, "i know this is gonna sound strange. Cas...hes an angel. He can heal you in a matter of seconds and make everything go away."

I raised my eyebrow at him. He just waited patiently as i thought it over. Demons are real and i did pray that god gave me strength when i was with parker. So why cant angels be real? I looked into his eyes and nodded.

He let out a breath i didnt realize he was holding. He bent his head "cas, i need you."

I heard a big flutter of wings and there was a man standing in the doorway wearing a trenchcoat. Not the way i pictured an angel looking.

"Hello dean." Cas said in a raspy voice.

"Hey cas, this is (Y/N). She needs you to heal her." Dean said sitting on the edge of the bed beside me.

Cas walked over to me, "hello (Y/N). My name is castiel. All i will have to do is place my hand on your head."

"Thats it?" I asked.

Cas nodded and then i nodded and i shut my eyes. I felt his hand on my forehead and a warm sensation filled me. A few seconds later i felt amazing. I opened my eyes and dean was smiling at me.

"You look even more beautiful than before." He said touching my cheek. I leaned into his touch just as he did mine earlier. I looked up at cas he was standing there awkwardly.

"Thank you cas." I said shyly and he nodded. With a flutter he was gone. I looked around the room but he wasnt there.

"He does that alot." Dean said. "Now would you like to get a shower?"

I closed my eyes at the thought, "oh yes that would be amazing." I moaned, i felt dean shift on the bed. He was turned to the side with his eyes closed.

I put my hand on his shoulder, "dean?" He took a deep breath and turned towards me. He smiled and stood up and held out his hand.

I took it and stood up, and it felt amazing to be able to stand up and move without hurting. I chuckled and moved my leg and bent it. Im sure i had the most ridiculous smile on my face, but i was geniuenly thankful for everything.

"Everything feel alright?"

"Everything feels great. Thank you so much." Before i could stop myself i stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

He flinched a little and looked down at me. "Im so sorry...i didnt..im sorry." I said faster than i wanted to. I tried to turn away but he grabbed my wrist and turned me back to face him. He crashed his lips into mine and growled. His fingers tangled in my hair and pulled lightly. I bit his lower lip and moaned into his mouth.

I ran my hand up his flannel shirt and went to unbutton it when he grabbed my hands and pulled away from me. "No, i cant."

I backed away casting my eyes down to the floor, fiddling with the drawstring on my borrowed sweat pants. "No, im sorry. It was stupid of me to even think..."

He opened his mouth to speak but i just shook my head, "its okay dean you dont have to explain. I get it. Can you please show me where i can freshen up? I dont have any clothes so if its not to much trouble can i borrow these again?"

He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts and a shirt. "You can wear anything of mine you want until we can get you some clothes."

I nodded and took the clothes from him. He walked me down the hallway to the bathroom and showed me where the towels and wash cloths were before shutting the door.

After a nice long hot shower i felt even better my hair wasnt all frizzy anymore, my black tresses were perfectly combed and straight. I hardly recognized myself in the mirror without the bruises and cuts.

I was in deans clothes and they were a little baggy on me but i was a curvy woman so it wasnt to bad. I walked out of the bathroom but had no idea where to go. The only place i actually knew was deans bedroom.

I walked down the hallway and passed more doors. They were all closed so i didnt dare to open them. After all this wasnt my house, i had no business snooping. I heard sam and dean talking on down the hall so i followed their voices.

I turned the corner into a big library of some sort. Sam sat at the table reading from a book dean sat in a arm chair across from him eating a sandwhich. He smiled at me and i couldnt help but giggle at his cheeks stuffed full with food. He was so cute.

"There she is. Feel better?" He said around the food in his mouth.

"Very much, thank you. Both of you." I said looking down. "I dont really know what to do around here. Ill try to be helpful while im here. I promise i will find a place soon and be out of your hair."

Sam looked up with a furrowed brow. "No one said you have to leave. Youre more than welcome here."

I nodded and smiled shyly at sam. He went back to whatever he was doing as i paced back and forth.

Dean walked up to me and grabbed my hands. "Hey, dont feel out of place here. If youre hungry get you something to eat. If youre bored sammy has plenty of books and we have netflix. I want you to make yourself at home."

Dean was tracing circles on my hand with his thumb, my breathing hitched and i could feel, something between us. Dean seemed to notice and let go of my hands.

"Sam, you got anything on where these demons are?" Dean asked sam.

Sam shrugged, "not a hundred percent sure at the moment. Parker is for sure the leader though. It seems like its a recruitment thing. Bobbys looking into it for us."

Dean throws his hands up, "now what?"

"We wait." Sam said impatiently.

@an-unhealthy-obsession

#dean x reader #dean winchester #deanwinchester #supernatural

[floatingpetals]

Lovely Heartache || Ch. 2

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Orignal Female Character (Jasmine Conroy)

Warnings: All the angst, cheating, tiny bit of NSFW

Word Count: 1800+

Summary: Bucky was Jasmine’s best friend growing up. From grade school all the way to middle school they were inseparable. But then high school came and ruined everything. Bucky grew from the awkward gangly preteen to a handsome young man that had all the girls throwing themselves at him. He left Jasmine behind, and since then she can’t forget the hurt. Angry and alone, she finishes high school and decides to move away, leaving her childhood behind. Seven years have passed and she gets an unexpected visitor on her doorstep. Can she forgive the familiar face that hurt her so much all those years ago? Why does he choose now to show up back in her life?

A/N: Reposting because for some reason tumblr decided this was inappropriate. pos... 

The gif is not mine. credit to @sehbs

Bucky peeled off his wet clothes and tossed them to the floor with a plop. He quickly turned the shower on, sighing as the steam filled the small room. When he turned, he stopped at the sight of himself in the mirror, his face twisting in disgust at the worn lines and deep circles under his eyes.

“Shit.” He mumbled, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his palm.

He really did look as awful as he felt. With one last quick look in the mirror, he stepped into the shower, letting the heat melt into the tension out of his muscles. One hand leaned against the wall in front of him, the water flowing down his face around him, his shoulder-length hair creating a curtain, almost shielding him from the world around him.

This was the first time he had a chance to be alone, to think about what he walked into, and reality was rapidly crashing down around him. Bucky was only gone for three days, it was just a simple out of town meeting with Stark Enterprise. He was there just to make sure the higher-ups were happy with his work. He was in and out in two days, lucky enough to wrap things up earlier than anticipated.

Bucky never would have thought he’d walk in and see his fiancé with her legs up in the air, getting plowed by her ‘friend from work’ and thoroughly enjoying it. At least she had the gall to look surprised. She threw the man on his ass while she scrambled to cover herself with the sheets.

“Bucky?! What are you doing home?” He laughed, actually laughed in her face.

“Apparently, I came home too soon. I’m sorry.” He spat, looking down at her in disgust. “Please. By all means; finish!”

He turned at heel and walked out, ignoring her pleas to stop. She didn’t mean it, she loved him! But Bucky wasn’t an idiot, he knew she didn’t mean it. He made sure to slam the door with all his strength, shaking the whole apartment, and shutting that chapter of his life.

Now he had no clue where to go. When he got into the car he just started driving. He didn’t even realize he pulled up to Jasmine’s house until there was a clap of thunder. Bucky sat in the car, looking out at her front door for what seemed like hours before he numbly made his way to the door.

Truth be told, he didn’t expect her to let him in her house. Not after what happened all those years ago.

They used to be inseparable growing up. Jasmine and Bucky were never far from the other all throughout grade school. Bucky lived in the house right behind hers, so they would always walk to and from school, spend days playing in the streets or floating in Jasmine’s pool.

Even throughout middle school, before either of them grew into their bodies they were the best of friends. It wasn’t until their 9th-grade year that things change. Looking back on it, Bucky’s heart sank at how he treated her. He grew up faster, growing out of his awkward gangly body. He grew up and thicker, hours at the gym because he made it on the football team did that to a teenage boy. He discovered what girls were, and quickly shut out his closest friend.

Bucky sighed, grabbing the shampoo bottle on the ledge. He inhaled deeply, chuckling when the familiar sweet scent of strawberries and coconuts. Even after all these years, she kept some things the same. Finding some comfort out of that thought, he finished his shower quickly and grabbed one of the fluffy white towels out of the small closet.

He paused, looking at his duffle bag. He really wished he had at least some hindsight to grab a hand full of clothes before he left. All he had was a pair of sweatpants, a white t-shirt, and two probably very wrinkled suits. Too late to worry about it now.

Getting dressed as quickly as he could. He hung up his wet clothes and towel over the shower rack and grabbed his duffle bag. He stopped short at the closed door, hesitating. Bucky couldn’t tear his gaze away from the handle, a thousand thoughts running through his brain. Why did he think it was a good idea to come here? What was he going to do now? More importantly, how could he ever make up what he did to Jasmine all those years ago?

Letting out a shaking sigh, he took hold of the handle and swung the door open.

~~

Jasmine sat on her couch, staring blankly at the television, playing whatever channel she landed on. In her hand was a glass of scotch on the rocks, needing something to take the edge off.

Why did she think this was okay? Bucky ruined her life in high school, destroyed whatever self-confidence she had, and now suddenly he was back here on her doorstep, begging to be let back in. She scoffed and took a sip of the drink.

She was an idiot, she decided. Absolute idiot letting that man back in. But damn if time hadn’t aged him like a fine wine. Even when they were younger, Jasmine had a crush on him. He was always awkwardly taller than the rest, long gangly arms he couldn’t figure out what to do with. Bucky had a cute baby face that her mother just loved to pinch his cheeks and tell him how adorable he was. He’d blush like crazy and swat her hands away. Then puberty hit, and boy did he ever fill out.

There were a few weeks they hadn’t seen each other, Jasmine flew to Seattle to visit her grandparents for about four weeks during their summer before the 9th grade. When she came back, her jaw almost hit the floor. He wasn’t a defined, but she kept asking him where the muscles came from. The baby fat on his cheeks seemed to have melted away, showing off his strong jaw and high cheekbones. Just like she knew, under the awkward preteen was a handsome man finding himself. Unfortunately, it also meant that everyone else noticed his change as well.

Jasmine frowned, the flashbacks too painful to even think about. She shuddered and pushed them back down. Nope, she wasn’t going to think about it. Not now, it was the past and she needed to move forward. At least, that’s what she kept telling herself.

The sound of the water shutting off pulled her from her pity party. Sighing, Jasmine stood and began to pick up the little bits of trash on her coffee table. She moved around the room, pulling out blankets and pillows from their hiding spots, placing them on the couch while she tried to ignore the butterflies of panic in her stomach.

She was doing this because she was the better person. She let Bucky in her home because her mother raised her right. Jasmine found herself repeating those words over and over again, trying to keep the sizzling rage from exploding.

She had just finished the last of her scotch, hips leaning against the counter in front of the sink when she heard the door slowly open down the hall. His feet were quiet as he padded in the room, stopping short at the sight of the blanket and pillows on the couch. Jasmine didn’t want to move, afraid he’d spot her. Ridiculous thought, but she wasn’t ready to face him. Not yet at least. She was still kicking herself for not slamming the door in his pretty, dumb face when he stood on the porch.

Bucky caught her ramrod straight back at the sink out of the corner of his eyes. Regret and shame filled his chest, finding it harder to swallow around the lump that formed there. It didn’t hit him how much he hurt her until he saw where she stood. The only thing that kept him together was seeing the carefully folded blankets and pillows she set out.

“Uh…” He cleared his throat. Jasmine jumped, slowly turning her head in his direction. “Thank you… for letting me stay here.”

Jasmine didn’t speak, just nodded numbly. His shoulders fell, and he let out a shuddering breath of air. His duffle bag dropped to the floor beside the couch and he sank into the soft leather of the cushions.

Turning to lean her back against the counter, Jasmine watched as Bucky buried his face in his hands. His long hair covered his features, nevertheless Jasmine knew all his tells. He was struggling to keep it together, his knuckles white where he gripped to his face. She figured he would wait until she left to let it all out, even then though he might keep it all inside.

She really wanted to escape to her room, to just ignore that stupid voice in her head to told her to wrap her arms around his stupidly wide shoulders and tell him everything was okay. However, she found herself across the room before she knew it and doing just that.

Bucky didn’t even flinch when she wrapped arms around him. It had been so long since he felt a comforting touch, even if it was slightly stiff. It was like the dam broke open and all his bottled emotions came flooding out in ugly sobs. Gut wrenching, full body shaking sobs tore from his chest. He clutched Jasmine like a lifeline, realizing she was really the only one he had left that he could turn to.

Jasmine was stunned but held on to him tighter. Never had she seen someone break down as quickly as Bucky had. It was like her touch was enough for Bucky to unleash everything. She hadn’t the slightest clue what he was holding on to, but clearly, it was enough to bring him down.

She didn’t know how long they sat there, Bucky letting go all of his bottled emotions while she awkwardly rubbed his back. Neither said a word, Jasmine unable to find the right words to soothe him. She didn’t let him go until his sobs turned to faint sniffles.

Reluctantly, he sat back with a rub to his eyes, now bloodshot. Jasmine reached for the box of tissues on the coffee table and passed them over. Bucky mumbled his thanks, dabbing at his eyes before he blew his nose. Silence rang through the room, Jasmine shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

“I um…” She said with a frown. “I’ll let you get situated.”

Bucky watched her slowly stand, trying to shield his sadness. He wanted to ask her to stay longer, but she had already done more than enough. He nodded and reached for another tissue.

“Yeah. Thank you, again.” He mumbled. Jasmine’s chin jerked in a nod and she quickly stepped around the couch. Bucky followed her with his eyes, deflating when she shut the door softly behind her without a second glance his way.

He turned to the pillows and blankets, sighing sadly. He had a lot to make up, but first, he needed to sleep.

Lovely Heartache: (OPEN, 18+ ONLY)

@an-open-panda / @moderapoppins / @lilypalmer1987 / @missdragon-1 / @badassbaker / @buckybarnesappreciationsociety  /

If you want to be tagged let me know here!

#bucky barnes x ofc #bucky barnes x original female character #bucky barnes x original character #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fic #bucky imagine #bucky fanficition #bucky fanfic #bucky #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #marvel imagine #marvel fic #lovely heartache chapter 2

[captaingondor]

Okay, but if you're still looking for romantic prompts, how about Character A saying I love you to Character B without using the words "I love you." (Through actions, or an "as you wish" situation. That kinda thing.)

Thanks for the prompt!!For this, I wrote about probably my favorite of my OC ships. Tragically I probably won’t be able to show as much of their relationship as I’d like in the work itself, and neither of them is the perspective character. This is fortunate in that  I can write whatever I want for self-fanfic without stepping on the main narrative’s toes, and unfortunate as I want to just write their whole relationship basically which made this a little hard to pare down. Hope y’all love them too!If you want some dramatic irony, also read this piece I wrote with Corrianne earlier. And, if you are curious, the correct way to pronounce her name is ‘cor-ee- AHN,’ with a French R sound.

How Empress Corrianne Learned to Speak Her Husband’s Language

When they married, Corrianne could not speak to her new husband.

Like most nobility around the continent, she had never studied Pelasian. Even centuries later, the fears birthed by the Speaker Wars lived on. No mage could twist your mind to his will if you couldn't understand the words he needed to do it. (Of course, now Pelasia had grown to power anyway without the use of mind-altering magic, so maybe it had all been for nothing.) And the Emperor, it seemed, had never bothered to learn any language but his own native tongue.

Corrianne studied and practiced until she was able to carry on something of a conversation with him without going through her ladies-in-waiting or his translator. The Emperor could not even say her name right.

But chipping away at the language barrier was not aiding their communication to the level that she had thought it should. True, she did not mind the extent to which he left her to herself - she had encouraged it. No, the Emperor was simply a hard man to understand. So she told herself, and so she held firmly in believing.

She could not have said when she first started noticing a difference.

***

He knocked at the door between their suites late in the evening, when she had retreated to hers from the court but not yet prepared herself for bed. He always knocked - these rooms remained hers, not his. The first few times he’d done this, she’d sent one of her maids to answer instead and give her regrets. When he proved unfailingly polite to them, and did not push past her excuses, she decided this could be allowed and came to the door herself. He never demanded her presence, or even requested - a request from the Emperor was little less than a demand. He merely gave an offer - he had ended his work for the day and would be in his sitting room, and would welcome her company if she wished to join him.

“I usually take this time for some quiet when I can… read for a bit by the fire, have a glass of wine… but if you would like to talk instead -” His eyes flicked to the maid murmuring all his words in Corrianne’s ear. “Perhaps practice your Pelasian?”

He had not offered to practice his Ruveldin, or even Idan, so that time she had refused. But she didn’t really want to spend the rest of her life married to a man that she would not talk to, so the next time she had accepted.

She’d been worried about his intentions that time, though he’d never touched her without her permission. But he really had just sat by the fire with his book and offered her a glass of wine, and did not press her unduly for conversation when she opened her own book. They made a few simple comments to each other on their day, and what they were reading, and spent the rest of the evening in silence together. She wondered how many times he’d had two glasses brought up, hope. She wondered if he’d left a few dregs in each to keep the servants from talking. She felt a little bad, but only a little.

She’d come over many times since then, and it had almost become a little ritual between them. They did not always spend the time reading silently - she truly did wish to practice her Pelasian, and he proved a patient conversation partner.

This time when he knocked, she answered with a smile and stepped through before he even needed to make his offer. She carried a book with her, but did not open it immediately when she sat down, and so he did not reach to pick up his own.   “Thank you for joining me.” Even now that it was a regular occurrence, he thanked her. “I enjoy your company. I have little time to myself, but this has been an improvement on solitude.”

She had not thought the Emperor one to seek out solitude. He demanded the attention of the world. Perhaps she had misunderstood him. She smiled politely and asked him about his day. He was a man of routine; she knew the words he would use to speak about that well enough to follow, better than whatever that declaration had been.

***

They were at dinner, which was rarely a private affair. There were always people at court to entertain. But today was no great feast or party, only a regular meal, and while the Emperor’s attention might as ever be demanded at any time, at present Corriane and her husband were left to converse among themselves as they ate, should they choose to.

They did not always. Corrianne preferred practicing her Pelasian when they were in private, and going through a translator was more clunky than casual dinner conversation with her husband ought to be. And besides, it was dinner, and their main focus was eating.

But today, he chose to strike a conversation up. “Have you heard from your sisters lately?”

She’d received a letter from Everrie just that day. Perhaps he’d had mail come in from Ruveld as well, or seen the messenger bring it in. Or perhaps it was a lucky guess, though that seemed less likely. “I have.”

“And how are they?”

A few times, early on, when the Emperor had asked about her family, she had wondered if he were fishing for information on them, for his schemes or politics. But that had been silly. Surely he had plenty of sources for that without her.

“Both are well. Also my father, and -” She paused. She did not know the proper word for stepmother or half-brother. But he knew that they were her stepmother and half-brother, of course, there was no need to explain it to him. “And his wife, and Alairon.”

“Glad to hear it. Your younger sister’s birthday was coming up, wasn’t it?” He didn’t try to say her name - maybe he’d seen Corrianne wince as he mispronounced hers too many times.

“Yes, they had just celebrated it when Everrie wrote me.”

“She could handle planning for it without you, then?”

Oh. He had remembered, from the last time Everrie wrote. She had told him how Everrie was used to following her lead for social events, how she had been so frantic about taking it on herself, how she had wanted to prove she could step up to the task without leaning too heavily on their stepmother. She hadn’t passed on all of Everrie’s pouring out her heart - she did not think she’d have like the Emperor to hear all of it - but she liked to talk about home, and it was a good subject for her to use in practicing her conversation. And, she realized, her husband had been very attentive in asking her about her sisters. He had been since the first time she brought it up.

“It was as I told her, she -” She hesitated, and finished the sentence in Ruveldin for his interpreter to pass on. “She is more competent than she gives herself credit. She just needed to get her time of worrying out of the way and put her mind to it.”

“Still, they must miss you at home. You light up my court so, I can see it would be hard to lose you.”

She hardly knew how to respond to that, and took a bite so that she would not have to.

***

One of her ladies reported to Corrianne that her husband had had a gift sent to her rooms, so she came to them and found the box set on a table. She opened it to find a delicate golden hair comb, set with many small, deep red gems. Beautiful, and very much to her taste. She wondered if he had picked it out himself.

It was hardly the first gift he had given her. Fine cloth for her dresses, a dark bay riding horse, expensive jewelry, books - ones that he thought she would enjoy, or Pelasian translations of ones she had to help in her study. Some she had written off as no more than what might be expected from the Emperor to his wife. The others had confounded her. What did he mean by them? Was he trying to buy her affections, to keep her and thereby her father’s kingdom sweet? Did he wish to flaunt his wealth and power?

But none of those thoughts came to her now - only a desire to find her husband so she could thank him for it.

She made a few inquiries and was glad to be able to find him alone, going over his correspondence. He looked up, and smiled when he saw her. She’d never noticed before how different that smile looked from the one she saw him wear in public, how his eyes brightened with it. He nodded at the comb she clutched in her hand.

“You like it?”

She nodded. “It is -” It is lovely, she wanted to say, but could not find the right word as she filed through her Pelasian vocabulary. “It is very nice.”

He stood up from his desk and walked over to her. “I thought it would look well with your hair.” His eyes lifted to the honey-gold braids crowning her head as he spoke. He hesitated a moment, and then held out his hand. “May I?”

She passed the comb to him, and he slid it into her hair as though he were one of her maids. Her husband stood back, and looked at her admiringly for the space of several second, before frowning.

“I’m sorry - I don’t have a mirror here for you to look at it -”

She smiled softly. “I am sure you put it in straight. Thank you.”

“I’m happy you like it, Corrianne.” He stumbled over the r, and tried again. “Cor - Corrianne -”

It still was not right, but she smiled anyway. “I understand, Seyetto.” And she set her hands on his shoulders, pushed herself up on her toes, and kissed him.

#my ocs #something i wrote #corrianne #seyetto #throwaninkpot

[modharlow]

Today was one of those days again. The sky looked stormy yet shed no rain, the sun barely peeking out for a second before sheltering itself away. People were bustling about to do their everyday work, all seeming to enjoy themselves. Oh, how you wish that were you, but alas it was not. No, you were out here, passing through Valentine, because some sorry excuse of a father left the camp again. “Probably drunk off his ass again.” You lowly hissed out.

When Charles came up to Dutch and reported the missing man, the leaders eyes happened to fall on you to retrieve him. Fortunately he also sent Arthur with you. “I trust you kid,” Dutch started off as he lead you to your horse, “but not enough to believe you won’t kick Mr. Swanson’s ass.”

Well… at least he was cautious because he was right. If it had been just you, you would’ve beat the man black and blue—mostly out of anger but if you happen to fix whatever the hell was going on in that mans brain then that’d work fine too.

It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve lied hands on him, though you never want “too far”. Given everything he’d done, or hasn’t done for better words, you going easy on him was a mercy.

”Aw, now now, little birdy,” Arthur’s voice cut through your thoughts, “I know that face. Don’t tell me you plannin’ on killin’ him this time?” His tone was joking but you couldn’t help the silent “and if I do?” that came out.

Letting out a whistle, the outlaw adjusted his hat. “You ever gonna tell me what’s the bad blood between you two?”

”On my deathbed, maybe.”

”Don’t be like that.” He replied, his tone growing soft. “He’s still your father. Doesn’t help that he’s always drunk, I know, but he’s tryin’.”

You swore you’ve never felt such hot rage boil deep inside your veins. Your knuckles turned white from your grip in the horses’ reins and your teeth clenched down to prevent you from shouting at your friend. “Arthur,” your voice was tense, just like your body, “don’t be defendin’ that man when you’ve no reason.”

The ride was silent now, save for the goodhearted people that said hello to either of you as you passed, until you both made it out of town.

Arthur let out a long sigh before taking lead and changing the direction you both were going. “C’mon, we’re gonna talk this out, you ‘nd me.”

”Arthur-”

”We’ll find him, trust me. We always do. Right now you just need to explain to me why the hell you hate his guts so much when neither of you even look at each other.”

You took note at the new destination. It was somewhere away from the roads, perfect for a private talk.

Now it was your turn to let out a long sigh. You didn’t say anything until you both ended up by some trees. From there Arthur got off his horse and motioned for you to do the same. When you did he sat both you down at the foot of a tree, perfectly protected from prying ears and the possible rain if it were to happen.

Leaning his head against the tree, Arthur spoke. “When you joined our camp you were so happy, so giddy. You didn’t have a care in the world. It was… nice. A nice change of pace.”

”I was young then. I didn’t understand anythin’.”

”What makes you think you understand now?”

Scoffing, you turned away from him brought your knees to your chest. Silently, you said, “I understand enough to know he’s a dead-beat dad.”

”Feel like elaboratin’?”

It became silent again. The horses were eating grass as the tree swayed itself side-to-side, birds flying overhead in a mixture of dull colors. All were unaware of the grief and burning hatred you held inside.

Taking in a deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth, you started to pick at the dirt and rocks in the ground. “I was four when mama died.” You breathed out. “I didn’t know that’s what it was. Just thought she was nappin’, y’know? She’d always seemed so… tired.” You faintly turned to face Arthur. “Was like she lost her light.” A soft chuckle filled the moment. “Guess in the end… she did, huh?”

”I’m… Listen, I-”

”You wanna know how she died, Arthur?” You were facing him now, your face calm yet the grip you had on a spare rock from the ground said otherwise. “She used the exact mechanisms my father’s usin’ right now.” You turned your attention to the rock in your hands, fingers nimbly toying with it. “Turns out, you know, that she didn’t want a child. She wanted to be free… but was tied down because of me—and dad? Oh, well, he had his teachings to do. No, he could never come home on time or spend some moments with his only kid.” You tossed the rock away from you, your eyes narrowing to keep yourself at bay. “Don’t think he wanted a child either.”

”Now that ain’t true.” Arthur interjected before flinching slightly at your glare yet not faltering. “I dunno about your mama but Reverend loves you.”

”If he loved me then why the hell are we out here having to look for his sorry ass?!” You yelled, getting up from your spot and walking away a few steps. “If he loved me then why was he never there for me? When men would be lookin’ at me weirdly, or when kids would hurt me ‘cause I only had one parent? What about when I was almost kidnapped ‘cause his dumbass had a damn “meeting” to go too, huh?”

Arthur got up too with his hands held up in surrender as he took careful steps towards you. “Easy now. It’s okay. You’re okay.” But his words fell on deaf ears as you let your pent up emotions explode inside you.

”I was six when I learned what death was. I tried killin’ myself, then tried again a few months later. I was eight when I tried to talk to him only for him to push me away. I was nine when I ran away before comin’ back. It’s funny, you know, ‘cause it was like he didn’t notice I was gone.” You swallowed down the sob that desparely wanted to come out, instead letting whimpers leave your mouth. “I was fourteen when I realized he didn’t care for me. He never did, he only worries about himself—if you can even call whatever he’s doin’, “worrying”.”

You furiously wiped at your eyes, teeth eating away at your bottom lip to stop yourself from crying more. “Arthur. Arthur, I’m bein’ honest when I say this,” you took in a shaky breath, “I’ve dreamt of killin’ him. I’ve always felt free when I did it, too. It felt so refreshin’ to me. Was like chains were melted off and I could finally run again. It’s a feelin’ I chase after every time we have to look for him.”

When you looked up at Arthur with those vulnerable eyes, he was at a loss for words. He thinks back to his own memories of you being that happy-go-lucky kid he grew up with and felt his chest tighten. So was that all a facade so you could hide away your pain? How had he not noticed to sooner? Did anyone else know? Dutch? Hosea? You were close to those two but… did you ever really let them in?

”I’m… I’m sorry, I…” Those were not the words he wanted to say. Truly, he didn’t know what to say. He knew Swanson was not an ideal father but this—this is how you were treated? How you lived your life? “I don’t… know what to say.”

”No one ever does.”

After a short pause, Arthur felt his own anger begin to form when your died down. “Why the hell do we still keep him ‘round then? If he’s like this to you, then why don’t we just get rid of him? You’re the only one we really need. You hunt, fish, and you can even haggle someone almost as well as Hosea! He doesn’t do shit-”

”Arthur, I thank you for feelin’ my anger for me but it’s… I hate him, I do, but it’s more complex than that.” Now you felt bad for pulling your friend along with your emotions. You should’ve kept your mouth shut like you always had, only showing anger when it was just you and your dad alone.

Huffing, Arthur let his hands hold onto his belt as he leaned on his foot. “Well… we got all the time in the world for you to talk.”

While you dried off your wet face with your sleeve, you tried to formulate the correct words. “It’s… hard to explain. If he’s gone then… I’ll have no more blood-family. ‘Nd despite everythin’, well, he still let me go with him to join Dutch when he could’ve left me.” You voice trailed off, your eyes straying from the looks Arthur was giving you. “I-I know, okay? It’s idiotic for me to feel like this even after all that’s happened but I just—I can’t leave him to fend for himself. He lost his wife, ‘nd now I’m all that he has. Even if we don’t talk…”

”I don’t think I’ll ever understand you.” Arthur muttered as he took steps towards you. “I ain’t ever been in your boots so I guess I can’t say much but,” cautiously, he put his arms around you, “if you ever want his ass gone, just say so. Or if you… if you wanna leave ‘nd let him stay with the gang then… that’s alright. Just tell me beforehand, okay? I’d be mighty down if you up and left without a goodbye.”

You nodded your head while you returned the hug. Your eyelids stung and your body felt heavy from your outbursts of emotions, though you couldn’t deny how safe you felt right at this moment.

Closing your eyes, you let yourself get lost in the feeling of being openly loved by someone you held dear to you.

Arthur had been your first since you were first welcomed to the gang and a side of you berated yourself for keeping silent from him for so long. Still, within these moments, you felt alright. You felt… free. “I won’t leave. Not when I have someone like you lookin’ out for me.” You tried to bury yourself deep into his chest, wanting to stay with this comfort for much longer. Softly, you whispered out, “Thank you.”

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #rdr2 #red dead 2 #red dead redemption 2 #rdrii #red dead ii #red dead redemption ii #rdr2 imagines #red dead 2 imagines #red red redemption 2 imagines #rdrii imagines #red dead ii imagines #red dead redemption ii imagines #mod harlow #suicide // #child neglect // #child abuse // #maybe? #implied child abuse // #JUST IN CASE... #anyways I have daddy issues and hate my dad sorry Swanson u two are just v similar #Arthur hold me challenge

[kitty-bandit]

I love hearing about you delinquent au! Can’t wait to read it

How about a sneak peek, Anon? (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Lavi shoved his hands into the front pocket of his sweatshirt. The late September days were still warm, but nights turned surprising cold. He wished he’d brought his favorite scarf as he stood next to the raffle table. Excited shouting came from the packed bleachers, and he looked up just in time to see a few players celebrating in the endzone. He sighed, sitting next to Lenalee in one of the empty folding chairs behind the table. “I should’ve listened to Yuu. This is kinda boring.”

“That’s why I bribed you with food.” Lenalee smiled and greeted another group who stopped at the table. After taking their money and handing them tickets, she turned back to Lavi. “It’s been almost two hours and I am ready to leave.”

“Where is your partner, anyway?” Lavi asked, peeking into the bucket with the ticket stubs.

“Please do not call him that,” Lenalee said, rubbing her temple under the dark purple knit hat she had worn for the night. Her hair was plaited into two pigtail that hung over each shoulder. “He went to get another roll of tickets from the supply closet. We’re almost out.”

With a chuckle, Lavi leaned back in the chair, the metal scraping against the cement sidewalk underfoot. The table was set up near the entrance, close to the ticket booth—specifically placed so no one could miss it as they entered the field. “What is the raffle even for?”

“I thought you could read?” Lenalee teased, pointing the the sign on the table. “We’re giving away a mini fridge. One of the student’s parents donated it.”  As another group of students passed the table, Lenalee smiled and waved.

Lavi’s good eye widened in surprise. “That’s actually not an awful prize.” He leaned forward peering at the sign. “Maybe I should buy a ticket…”

“Five bucks gets you one ticket, twenty gets you five,” Lenalee recited, as she had been all night.

Lavi winced at the prices. “Too rich for my blood.”

“Suit yourself.”

“Speaking of rich, I could go for some of that overpriced food you promised me.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Lenalee, grinning wide.

“And here I was hoping you’d forget.” She shook her head before something caught her eye. “You’re in luck. Link’s back.”

Lavi looked up and spotted the Lenalee’s number two, as it were. The vice president of the student council looked more the part than Lenalee did, and that was an accomplishment. Link’s blond hair was plaited tight and neat, the long braid swinging as he strode towards the table. He looked completely out of place in his dress shirt and sweater combo, especially as he passed another group of students decked out in sweatshirts and jeans. His khakis looked stiffer than his personality.

“This is the last of the tickets,” Link announced, setting the bright red roll to the side. He looked at Lavi, who had stolen his seat, disapproval in his russet eyes.

“That’s fine—there’s barely an hour left in the game and sales have slowed a bit.” Lenalee stood, straightening out her light coat and grabbing her purse from under her chair. “I’m going to take a break. I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

“Fine,” Link replied, taking back his seat as soon as Lavi had vacated it. “Don’t linger. The table really should have two people working it at all times.”

Lena smiled as she bit back a comment. “Of course.” She grabbed Lavi by the elbow and dragged him off towards the bleachers. As soon as they were out of earshot, she sighed, the noise sounding more angry than any breath had the right to be. “He sure has some nerve saying that after he left me there for nearly thirty minutes.”

Lavi didn’t fight her pull, stumbling along next to her as they headed up the steps. “He should really see a doctor about that stick lodged up his ass.”

She managed a quick laugh, her fake smile turning into a genuine one. “If only it wasn’t permanently stuck.” She spotted Kanda and Alma at the top of the bleachers huddled close to each other. When Alma spotted them, they waved, grinning widely.

“You managed to escape!” they said, making room for Lavi and Lenalee on the bench.

“I told Link I would be gone for ten minutes, but I’ll stretch that to thirty.” Lena wrapped her arm around Alma as she sat down, sitting as close as she could to keep warm. “Lavi and I are going to the concession stand. Did you two want anything?”

“Yes. I want to leave,” Kanda grumbled, tucking his chin into the folds of his jacket.

Alma rolled their eyes. “Don’t listen to him. We’re having fun.” They rested their head against Kanda’s shoulder, pink painted lips stretching wide over their face. “Something warm would be nice. It’s colder than I thought it would be tonight.”

“I think we can manage that.” She nudged Lavi, elbowing him in the side. “Ready to get some sub-par, overpriced food?”

“Always.”

They walked back down the metal bleachers, avoiding the crowded walkway and headed to the nearby concession stand. As they stood in line, Lavi checked the menu tacked on the wall next to the small order window and balked at the prices. “Yeesh. Are you sure you can buy stuff for everyone? This is more expensive than I thought.”

She pulled her wallet from her purse and held it up as if she was brandishing a sword. “Komui gave me his credit card for tonight, so we’re living large on chili cheese fries and king sized nachos.”

Lavi grinned, rubbing his hands together as he studied the menu board again. “Now that’s what I like to hear.”

When they reached the order window, Lenalee listed off their choices—hotdogs, chili cheese fries, nachos, and a hot chocolate for each of them. By the time their order was ready, they had their arms full as they precariously balanced each item. Lavi winced as he juggled four hot chocolates in his hands.

“This is the definition of hubris, isn’t it?” he asked, carefully following Lenalee back up the bleachers. Every step was a challenge to keep the chocolate in the too-thin paper cups and off his fingers.

“Don’t talk. You’ll lose your concentration and spill,” Lenalee replied, carefully balancing all of the food in her hands. Her stacking technique was impressive, and Lavi would have congratulated her if he didn’t have to worry about spilling hot cocoa all over himself.

When Alma noticed their burdened states, they hurried down to help with the final leg of the journey. “Ah, careful!” they said, taking two of the cups from Lavi’s hands before heading back up the stairs.

“Why did we pick the highest seats on the bleachers again?” Lavi asked, setting the last two cups on the bench to help Lena distribute the food.

“Because Yuu doesn’t like people sitting behind him,” Alma reminded them, grabbing one of the hotdogs and settling in next to Kanda again.

“So, it’s my fault?” Kanda asked, frowning as he grabbed his hot chocolate from Lenalee and sipped it angrily.

“Hush and eat your nachos,” Lenalee said, pushing the flimsy paper container into his hands. Once the food had been distributed, she sat down, only to sigh again. “I forgot napkins.”

“I’ll get them,” Lavi said, setting his food down on the cool bench and heading down the bleacher stairs. He heard Lenalee’s faint call of ‘thank you’ mixed in with a sudden cheer from the crowd. He looked up at the field again, having missed whatever play had happened to cause the ruckus. He hopped down off the last couple of steps and turned to walk towards the concession stand when something under the bleachers caught his eye.

Just under the bleachers was Allen, reaching into the back pocket of someone’s pants. Lavi watched as Allen slipped their wallet out with ease, pocketing the cash inside, and then returning it as if nothing had happened. He did it again and again, systematically grabbing any wallet or purse within reach and cleaning the money from the billfolds. Lavi stared in awe, watching Allen’s swift, nimble fingers steal hundreds of dollars in cash from the unsuspecting parents watching the football game. That same feeling bubbled up in Lavi’s stomach—the one he’d felt when he’d witnessed Allen pinching those candy bars from the convenience store weeks ago. Nervousness mixed with admiration, and a healthy dose of concern. Lavi had never stolen anything in his life, but watching Allen do it almost felt as if he was an accomplice—too dumbstruck to say anything or try to stop the crime in progress.

As Allen pocketed the last of the cash, he looked up and met Lavi’s frozen gaze. He stiffened for a brief moment before that same smug smile pulled at the corners of his lips. Lavi felt his heart rattle against his chest, cheeks flushed against the cold breeze blowing against them. He didn’t know what to do, and as much as he wanted to run away and forget what he’d seen, his feet were glued to ground, like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming semi.

Then, before Lavi could move or say anything, Allen approached him.

Lavi swallowed, throat tight as he watched Allen close the distance between them. He was wearing that same oversized sweatshirt Lavi had first seen him in, and a black knit stocking cap to hide his shock white hair. Lavi didn’t doubt he’d come to the game for this exact reason—to steal from the crowd. And from what Lavi had seen, it was easy pickings.

Allen stopped just in front of Lavi, looking up at the redhead with a calm smile. He reached up and pressed a finger to Lavi’s lips, his skin cold and chapped from the wind. “This is our little secret, right?”

“I, uh—” Lavi began, lips moving against Allen’s finger. With his stomach tied in knots, Lavi nodded, his heart flipping in his chest and nearly jumping right out of his mouth. “Sure.”

Allen pulled his finger back, his smile softening. He tilted his head, looking Lavi up and down, as if he was assessing something—though the redhead wasn’t sure what. “You’re Lavi, right?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Thanks.” He winked, brushing past Lavi and merging into a large group of students heading towards the exit. “See you later.”

As Allen disappeared into the crowd, Lavi’s heart continued to beat like a drum in his ribcage. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

What the fuck was that about?

#dgm #dgrayman #lavi #allen walker #lenalee lee #kanda yuu #alma karma #kitty bandit writes fanfiction #Delinquent AU #personal #reply #anon

[pinesconessecrets]

Ice to Meet You

Merry Christmas @ladynightmare12 ! I hope you enjoy the fic!! <: I had a lot of fun with the soulmate AU, since it’s something I’ve always enjoyed. I combined it with the first meetings AU too. Have a great Christmas! <3

****

Wirt had given up on trying to find his soulmate when he was thirteen. He still remembered the conversation that came after he mentioned it to his mom. She had choked on her tea, wheezing until she’d managed to regain control of herself again. Then began the spiel about, “Oh, sweetie. You’ll meet her at some point in your life, don’t give up now!” and Wirt just sighed. Internally, of course. He didn’t want to upset his mom any further. A good bit of everyone in his grade had found their soulmate, leaving Wirt feeling terribly alone. Sara tried to comfort him, except she ran into her soulmate a few months later; it was some guy named Brian. That was a fun day.

He was a little more than relieved to graduate high school, which meant moving away to a college in a different state. A college in Oregon had caught his eye and he applied, half expecting to get denied. But lo and behold, the college actually accepted him and even had a full ride scholarship too.

Greg was against Wirt moving across the country when he broke the news. Wirt reassured him that he would call every day and keep in touch. He wouldn’t be left out just because Wirt didn’t live in the same house anymore.

Wirt enjoyed the trip to Oregon. His parents rented a small u-Haul for the stuff Wirt could take to put in his dorm. He was lucky enough to score a single person room, complete with his own bathroom. He didn’t think he could have managed if he had to share a dorm and a bathroom, much less having to suffer from public bathrooms.

They made the drive out to be like a mini vacation, taking their time since they left a few days early. Wirt’s nerves almost got the best of him a few times, the realization of him living somewhere that wasn’t with his mom and stepdad. Thankfully Greg managed to quickly distract him before he grew too anxious, eerily able to quickly figure out when his nerves were beginning to act up.

With the help of everyone, it didn’t take long before Wirt’s room was set up. He still had a few things to tweak here and there, like moving his desk closer to the window and hanging up his poems on the walls. He didn’t have much time to be particularly picky about how his room was set up with his parents and brother around.

They stayed in town for a few days, exploring the place with Wirt in tow. It definitely was a college town considering the absurd amount of fast food restaurants around. Like seriously, who needed this many fast food places? At least there were a few cafes for Wirt to hang out in. Cafes were pretty sweet places to chill at and they had a great effect on Wirt when it came to writing poetry. He was excited about that.

Tears were shed by his mom and Greg on the day they had to leave. Greg made Wirt promise to call him every day, and that was a rock fact. Wirt lingered in the parking lot for a bit longer than he intended, staring off into space before letting out a long sigh. He hoped he would be able to survive the semester before Christmas break. His next adventure in life had begun, only to bring challenges he had no way to prepare for.

Wirt got to studying diligently when the semester began. The majority of his classes were the core classes every freshman were required to take, including math. Thank god that he only needed to take two semesters of it due to his major in English. Math was one of his most detested classes; it was the worst. Maybe he was being overly dramatic, but Wirt would rather prefer to listen to someone scrape their nails on a chalkboard repeatedly for hours than be stuck in math class for even an hour. The entire point was above him, and the fact that other kids were majoring in math just blew his mind. They were to be feared.

The semester started out slow but picked up steam as the weeks went on. Midterms came and went, letting Wirt breathe a sigh of relief when his passing grades were posted.

He video called Greg before he went out trick or treating on Halloween, both happy and mortified that Greg decided to go as a garden gnome. Their trip to the Unknown was still very present in their minds years after it happened. At least now it was easier to deal with, and they didn’t have to worry about being sent into a fit of panic when winter rolled around anymore. Wirt admitted that Greg wore the outfit far better than he did, earning a protest of “No, you wore it better!” from Greg. They bickered back and forth until their mom told them to knock it out or else Greg wouldn’t be getting any candy that year. That shut Greg up and he hastily told Wirt goodbye and that he’d show him how much candy he got before going to bed.

Wirt found himself growing progressively more stressed as the end of the semester rolled around. His professors shoved study guides down their student’s throats and made it very clear that passing their finals would make or break their grades. Wirt found himself spending more and more time at his favorite cafe. He would have been surprised that he hadn’t drunk all of their tea if he wasn’t so stressed about passing his finals.

A week before finals, the unthinkable happened.

Wirt was on his way to the Jasmine Brew Cafe, lost in thought about his upcoming math final. It was the one he dreaded the most, and rightfully so. Other students in his class struggled as much as he did. The professor didn’t know how to break down the lesson so other kids could understand what he was trying to teach. Wirt barely managed to understand what the heck he was talking about most the time, and he hoped it would be enough.

Of course, the dork was so lost in thought that he wasn’t watching where he was walking. His foot made contact with frozen ice on the sidewalk, causing him to slip and fall down to the pavement. Wirt miraculously held onto his notebooks, laying on his back, winded from his fall.

Someone with unruly brown hair peered down at him with a look of mild concern. Wirt wished he could turn invisible because he knew that everyone around him saw what just happened.

“Hi there. It’s ice to meet you finally.” The other boy paused, before continuing. “I hope that’s not weird? I’ve seen you around campus before and I noticed you were always alone and I was going to say hi but I always got distracted and oh my god I’m sorry I’m kinda rambling. I tend to do that a lot and my sister always punches me and yep I’m gonna shut up now.”

Wirt’s wrist burned. That was what his stupid soulmate mark said. ‘Hi there, it’s ice to meet you finally.’

He wanted to say something witty back, but all that could come out of his mouth was, “Was that a motherfucking pun?” He rarely cussed, but dangit he was sleep deprived and angry that he was stupid enough to fall and slip on ice.

The other boy blanched, his extended hand frozen in shock. Wirt shuffled to his feet, clutching his notebooks to his chest. An awkward silence enveloped the two, only to be broken by the other boy.

“Do you want to go somewhere warm? Get some coffee or something?”

Wirt broke free of his surprise. “Uh, um, sure. I was heading to the Jasmine Brew Cafe to get some studying done. It’s right up the street here.”

“Cool. I’ve only been there once or twice, so lead the way.” He stuck his hands in his pockets, looking at Wirt expectantly.

“Right.” Wirt turned on his heels and began walking to the cafe, fidgeting with the spiral of a notebook. He knew that he was probably acting slightly like a jerk. Okay, a lot like a jerk. He had spent the majority of his teenage years resenting the idea of soulmates, knowing he’d never find his and that he’d live the rest of his life alone. But look what happened. He ran into his soulmate.

The rush of warm air made Wirt feel grateful for heating, heading to his usual spot by the wall. He sat with his back to the wall, and a large window to his left. Being able to look out into the street helped declutter his mind.

He almost relaxed, until the other boy - his soulmate - slid into the chair across from him. He looked as nervous as Wirt was.

“I’m Dipper, by the way. I don’t think I introduced myself yet.”

“Wirt. It’s um, nice to meet you, I guess,” he mumbled, his awkwardness hitting him like a fricking train. Now that the fact that yep, him finding his soulmate was a thing, was starting to sink in, a feeling of panic also begun to set in too.

“Hey, are you okay? You look like you’re freaking out there a little. I mean, I’m kinda freaking out too, but that’s because I’m super pumped to have finally run into my soulmate.” Dipper looked giddy almost.

Wirt chewed on a nail. “Y-yeah, I’m okay. It’s just… I gave up on finding my soulmate years ago, so I never thought I would actually run into them. I hope you don’t think I’m a jerk or anything because oh my god I feel so bad for being cold to you.”

When Dipper was silent, Wirt looked up to find him holding back a snicker. With the biggest shit eating grin, Dipper replied, “Was that a motherfucking pun?”

“Oh my god.” Wirt groaned, dropping his face into his hands. “Do not use my own words against me.”

“Kinda hard to considering they’re right here.” Dipper rolled his sleeve back, revealing the words scrawled across his arm. God, they were even in Wirt’s own handwriting. How crazy was that?

Wirt reached out to touch the words on Dipper’s arm, stopping short once he realized what he was about to do. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I know it’s a lot to take in. But I don’t mind if you wanna take a closer look at them.” His voice was quiet.

Figuring that he may as well roll with the punches, Wirt pulled his own sleeve back, exposing Dipper’s godawful pun written on the inside of his forearm. Dipper didn’t hesitate before running his fingers over Wirt’s pale skin, tracing the scratchy letters of his own handwriting. It looked different from his own, his letters rushed and hurried versus the flowing loops of Wirt’s.

Wirt finally caved and traced the words on Dipper’s arm. The two dorks sat in silence, no words needing to be exchanged as they let the importance of the day truly sink in.

The corners of Dipper’s mouth quirked up in a grin after a while. “So, did you wanna get a coffee and chat? And maybe tell me how you’ve bean all these years.”

Wirt had a feeling the puns weren’t ever going to stop.

#Pinescone #Pinescone Secret Santa #Pinescone Secret Santa 2018 #Wirt #Dipper #OTGW #GF #submission

[seasonofthegeek]

Fictober: A Weak Day

Today’s drabble was commissioned by the fantastic @miraculouspaon for Gabriel/Nathalie. She is a beautiful sunflower and keeps me motivated to keep writing so this drabble will be a very special Before Just for Tonight piece. This one takes place a week or so after chapter 62 of the background drabbles. :)

61 Years before Just for Tonight

“I know how you love to play games, Sir.” Nathalie slid a sheet of expensive paper in front of her sire. “This was delivered today, along with other information regarding your trip to London.”

“Games?” He asked distractedly, moving the page aside so he could continue looking at the ledger spread open before him. 

“Apparently King Michael of Great Britain has decided he will host a number of games that all lower royals are required to participate in instead of the usual parties and galas at summits.”

“And I’m a lower royal?” Gabriel huffed, finally looking up at her.

“No crown,” she answered simply. “You’re being paired with a prince from Taiwan and a duke from The Netherlands according to this.”

“That sounds atrocious. Is this something we can miss?”

“You can ask the king.”

Gabriel frowned. “After last week, I don’t think that would be wise.”

“Then you’ll be leaving again.”

“You’re coming with me, of course.”

Nathalie straightened. “There is mention of women being invited later in the week. Apparently this is a royal male-exclusive event to begin with.”

“That’s ridiculous. You’ll come with me as you always do.”

“And be stuck in the room? If it’s all the same to you--”

“I’m not leaving you here without me.”

Nathalie stiffened. “Of course, Sir.”

The unspoken truth that a certain king wouldn’t allow her to survive on the estate without Gabriel there lingered in the air and Gabriel cleared his throat. “Very well. It will be miserable but we’ll muddle through, I suppose. Please see to the packing.”

_______________________

Nathalie paced the hotel room restlessly. Gabriel had been given a suite at one of King Michael’s homes so he’d made arrangements for her to stay safely out of view at a nearby hotel. She had everything she needed but the four walls were beginning to feel confining. She was in the heart of royal vampire territory and going out on her own would’ve probably ended in more trouble than it was worth, if not something worse.

She dropped to the fainting couch with a sigh and reached for one of the books she’d brought along when there was a loud knock at the door. It took only a second for Gabriel’s scent to hit her nose, mixed with a heady aroma of expensive alcohol.

“Last week again already?” she commented pointedly, opening the door just enough to see her sire slumped against the hallway wall, his tie undone and the first few buttons of his his wrinkled shirt released.

“I lost my games,” he slurred. “I’m a shame to France.”

“Yes, I imagine you did in this state.”

He smiled lazily and pushed himself off the wall, shouldering past her into the room. “I’ve missed you. I don’t like staying alone.”

“Go soak and get yourself sobered up,” she instructed as she went back to the fainting couch. “I packed a few fresh outfits for you along with my things so you can change here. You shouldn’t have left the summit. It’s in bad taste.”

“Nath-a-lie, I missed you,” he repeated, kneeling down beside her and resting his head against her thigh.

She wanted to be irritated. She wanted to chastise him and push him into leaving but if she was being honest with herself, she’d missed him too. “You’re a pathetic drunk, Sir,” she sighed, reluctantly winding her fingers into his mussed hair.

He hummed happily. “There was fairy blood there too. Not as strong as elf but still a nice buzz.”

Nathalie took her hand away from his head with an agitated huff, the events of the week before coming back in uncomfortable rush. “Go take a bath, Gabriel.”

“Will you join me?”

“Absolutely not.”

He turned so he could look up at her. His eyes were slightly glazed and Nathalie considered it quite a feat that he’d even made it all the way to her room in his condition. King Michael was certainly throwing quite the party apparently, games or no games. 

“I love you.”

Nathalie looked away in frustration. “Not in that way, you don’t. You only think you do when you’re like this.”

“I’m lonely,” he pouted.

“Everyone’s lonely. That’s not special.”

“Why are you so mean to me, Nath-a-lie?”

“You know I hate it when you say my name like that.”

Gabriel gathered himself up on his knees in front of her and wedged himself between her legs, looking up at her. “You could be queen.”

“I have no desire to be a queen.”

“Then why do you stay with me?”

She blinked. “Because I...because you’re my sire.”

“So if I renounced my sire bond, you would leave me?”

The mention of him renouncing his bond sent a spear of something harsh and terrifying through her heart. “No,” she whispered, “I wouldn’t leave you.”

He was so close to her now. They’d been close before, of course, but it had never become a habit. Sober Gabriel was very concerned about how things appeared between them. He wanted it known that Nathalie was his right hand, not some female to be treated like the others. Most days she appreciated that but there were a few times she wanted nothing more than to wrap herself in everything Gabriel and hide away from their world.

The way he was looking at her was dangerous and today was suddenly feeling like a weak day. She leaned away from him. “You need to bathe and get back, Sir.”

“Have a drink with me.”

“Why?”

“Because I want you to.”

“You want me to be as drunk as you, you mean.” She gently pushed against his shoulder and he fell back to the carpet with a soft thump. Nathalie stepped around him and went to the closet. “I’ll lay your clothes on the bed.”

Gabriel sighed and got to his feet. “As you wish, Nathalie.”

She realized with a start that he had said her name correctly. She watched him disappear into the bathroom, only pulling the door slightly closed behind him. The thought of going down to the bar in the lobby for a drink was more than tempting now but she went back to the couch and her book, listening too hard as Gabriel moved around her bathroom. She could hear the water moving around him as he settled into the bathtub. She knew the whole room would be full of steam. It always was when he ran his own bath. 

She held out as long as she could. 

Taking a deep breath, she stood once more and moved across the room to the bathroom. She pushed open the door and Gabriel looked up at her with only mildly surprised eyes. He was settled in the large bathtub, steam rising up from the water and a damp washcloth resting on his head. “I should apologize,” he began.

“Don’t.” Nathalie knelt by the bathtub and leaned over the side, lifting his chin with two fingers. She closed the distance, kissing him gently before pulling back and standing. She smoothed her pants and turned away from him. “That didn’t happen.”

There was movement in the water and she walked to the door. 

“It never happened,” she repeated without looking back. She closed the door firmly behind her and quickly changed into her sleepwear. She turned out all of the lights except for a lamp across the room near the clothes she laid out for Gabriel and willed herself to fall asleep before he finished his bath. 

It was a weak day.

That was all. 

Buy me a cherry coke?

#Just for Tonight #gabenath #gabriel agreste #nathalie sancoeur #oops I drabbled again

[alteriius]

With Great Patience

FANDOM: Final Fantasy XV PAIRING: Prompto/Ignis WORD COUNT: 1,340 LINKS: AO3 | PF | KOFI 

SUMMARY: “Nonsense. You stopped Noct from complaining this afternoon about the veggies I snuck into our meals the night before.”

“Dude, I shot him.”

“I'm waiting for the right moment.”

It's a bullocks excuse and they’re both painfully aware of that fact. Only one person had remained oblivious to his affections and that was the man in question—and this road trip was doing him few favors where hiding it was concerned.

Much of the fault for that lie with Gladio and Noct, both of whom had evidently commissioned themselves to force a confession out of him. But their determination wouldn’t sway him. It couldn’t. Admitting to his unrequited crush wasn’t high on his list of priorities nor should it be on anyone else’s, especially considering what this journey was about.

“Specs, we've been counting. You've had at least three chances to say something.”

“Must you exaggerate?”

“Hell yeah, if it gets you to talk to him.”

Ignis can't help but roll his eyes at the prince’s antics, though the fault lie with him for not foreseeing this. After all, Prompto was Noctis’s best friend; it was only natural that he would try and persuade him to tell Prompto. Ignis couldn’t confidently say why he pushed so hard or what had possessed Gladio to join him, as he wasn’t arrogant enough to assume that Prompto felt the same, based on the actions of others.

“We talk daily, thank you very much,” Ignis says, though the half-hearted glare tells him what he already knew: That's not what Noct was referring to. He wasn’t referring to asking him what he wanted for dinner; he didn’t mean taking a moment to remind Prompto to take his medication or whipping him up something when he’d forgotten. “I know what you mean, Noct, but I think it's a touch inappropriate to—”

“Woah, I heard my name, what's up?”

“Iggy’s talking about you behind your back,” Noctis says, gesturing towards him with a lazy wave and his eyebrows arch upwards as he watches Prompto’s mouth fall open in what can only be described as mock offence, touching a hand to his chest with a familiar over dramatic flare.

“I beg your pardon, I did no such thing.”

“Then why, Igncmuffin, did I hear my name?” Prompto asks and it takes him a moment—just a single, unfortunate moment—before he realizes what Prompto’s referring to. Gods, this is the man he so dearly loves, that he loves for reasons too numerous to count, that he adores for things exactly like this. “I heard you, dude, don't lie. Unless you know someone more inappropriate than me.”

“Maybe he does,” Noctis suggests, but he can tell they're toying with him, playing a game not unlike monkey in the middle that makes him wonder for a brief moment if Prompto wasn’t privy to the intentions of Gladiolus and Noctis.

That was impossible, wasn’t it? He’d hid it rather well, hadn’t he?

“Sounds fake, dude. Nobody knows how to kill a mood better than me.”

Kill a mood, Prompto says, as if that weren't as far from the truth as possible. He's never known Prompto to do anything but set alight the room like he carries the sun on his back wherever he goes.

“So what's up?” Prompto says, turning his attention to him while wearing a smile that's frustrating in its beauty—a beauty that Prompto so often refuses to see. Astrals, how many times has he fought off the urge to emphasize that Prompto’s opinion of himself is factually incorrect by all standards?

“I… was just wondering if you'd like green soup curry tonight.”

It’s a poor distraction, if he’s ever been made to make one—and he’s fashioned plenty for the sole purpose of drawing attention away from his inappropriate interest in Prompto. Ignis sees Noctis’s displeasure in the way his head falls back, eyes settling on the ceiling as a quiet curse leaves his lips.

That's to be expected. Ignis would be frustrated, too, were their roles reversed.

“Oh, dude, really? You gotta ask?” Prompto says, laughter on his lips that eases the tension in Ignis’s shoulders, even if there was an edge of suspicion in his voice. Something about the mere sound of it is calming and leaves a ghost of a smile on his face as he pushes his glasses up further on his nose.

“I never know when you might get something of a wild hair.”

“Hell yeah I want green soup curry, but, uh, what did I do to get my favorite dish? Gotta know so I can do it more often.”

The subtle upward tilt of his lips becomes more apparent, smile widening at Prompto’s incorrect assumption that he needed any kind of reason to spoil him with a meal he loved. In all honesty, he was being a touch biased, but there was nothing new about that.

“Not at all. It’s simply your turn,” Ignis says, though it’s an obvious lie that he can only pray that Prompto won’t catch, that the constant threat of peril during the day would distract him long enough to forget that they’d had Noctis’s favorite meal last night. Tonight was supposed to be his pick—and his pick was, more often than not, to lavish Prompto in the only way he feasibly could, given their situation.

“Seriously? Already? I thought tonight was your night?” Blast.

Ignis doesn’t miss the way Noct’s scowl morphs into a smirk and it’s a self-imposed challenge to not scold him for it in front of the others. It would certainly be his undoing, if he chose to. While Prompto played the part of a fool rather well, he was far above what little most gave him credit and he was certain to put two and two together if he acted out.

Of course, that was assuming he didn’t already know.

That leaves him with precious few options and he’s forced to embrace the one he absolutely wishes he didn’t have to: He has to tell the truth.

“As it stands, Prompto,” he says, licking dry lips and feeling as though his face were burning with color from the intensity of Prompto’s gaze. “I’d much rather you enjoy your favorite.”

Violet blue eyes shift away from Ignis, searching the ground for a moment as if there were something of note in the rock beneath their feet besides markings they couldn’t make heads or tails of.

“Oh, um…” he starts, glancing up to match Ignis’s gaze, to flash a smile that extends from ear to ear with freckles hidden beneath the familiar bright red dusting of embarrassment. “Thanks, Iggy… Don’t think I did anything to earn it, but…”

“Nonsense. You stopped Noct from complaining this afternoon about the veggies I snuck into our meals the night before.”

There's a laugh that chimes like bells in the open air and it leaves Ignis’s heart feeling so full that he was reminded of the long held hope that his feelings weren’t as unrequited as he tried to convince himself they were.

“Dude, I shot him.”

This time, it’s Noct’s head that shoots up, mouth falling open as his eyebrows shoot up to hide behind his bangs as he glances between the both of them. When his eyes settle on Prompto, he says, “You said that was an MT!”

“Correction: Gladio made that claim. We simply decided to keep our mouths shut. The needs of the many, Your Highness.”

Noctis almost looks cross the minute the words are out of his mouth. He’s almost glaring at Prompto in a way that Ignis knows will give away the minute Prompto flashes one of his familiar grins at him—ah, yes, there it is now.

Laughter fills the air as Noctis wrestles Prompto to the ground, to tickle him into submission for this act of treason. Later, he would no doubt find a more appropriate way to demand an apology for the friendly fire, but on this fine evening, Ignis was simply glad that Noctis had found offence in this revelation.

If nothing else, it meant he got away from telling Prompto how he felt.

At least for the moment.

#final fantasy xv #ffxv #Prompto Argentum #ignis scientia #promnis #allen writes.

[gr1mrreaps]

We sat under the stars in the back off his truck and he told me of a girl he loved more than he loved breathing, he described the way her hair curled around his fingers and how her voice sounded like church bells. Tears fallin he wrapped his arms around me and cried into my neck when he whispered her name, I let him fall apart in my hands because I know how painful it can be to be in love with someone just out of reach.. He told me she loved him too, but it wasn’t the right time and how he was afraid to hurt me because he knew if she called he’d go running. All I could do was smile with tears in my eyes and tell him it was okay.. He kissed my check and told me he prayed I found happiness, so I told him about you.. how times never lined up, and how you were off living your life. I told him about how I missed your touch, and I missed seeing the sun shine from your smile. His laughter made my chest feel warm and he squeezed me tighter as I ranted about you, and he about her..

— it’s crazy how to broken hearts find solace in one another, she holds him and you hold me.. his skin is rougher than yours, and mine is softer than hers. He smiles as he says I smell like flowers and I laugh when I say impossible.

He makes me smile, and numbs the pain or maybe it’s the weed.. maybe mistakes should be made, is it bad that I just.. want to sleep until time decides I should be happy?

‘I can’t love you like you deserve and you don’t deserve to be a rebound’ - it hurts and makes me happy to hear those words, I know what he means. His love is like the moon, and mine is like the sun.. both of our hearts on the wrong time schedule.

‘Do you think they miss us?’ he whispers to me as the stars twinkle in his heartbroken eyes, I can’t give him an answer because I don’t know. I wish I did, I wish I could tell him one day our loves would wake up and come back, but the future is uncertain and ever changing. Perhaps their soulmates are right around the corner. He cries harder at that thought, I feel my heart go numb because I can’t help his pain..

‘I could be happy, loving a girl like you..’ he mumbles with our legs dangling off a bridge side, tonight has been an adventure. Stories swapped, tears shed, hearts opened and emptied, I feel like he’s seen the inside of my chest and still wraps me in his arms. When I shiver he gives me a sweater, when he shivers, I grab a blanket and tell him come closer. In another life.. maybe we could have been lovers, but in this.. maybe the closest of friends.

In his room, the window open and the nip of winter slipping in, I trace his tattoos on his chest as he tells me what each of them mean. His arms remind me of ..... and how safe I felt. His laughter brings tears to my eyes when I think I’ll never seen ..... again, I may never see You again.. I have no doubt, I’ll never see ....... again.. this is just a painful reminder of what’s lost..

His fingertips drag across my scars as he listens to why they are there, he traces the pain I’ve felt and tells me stories of how She had the same pains and scars. His eyes gloss over and I wait for the tears, but behind the tears I see the hatred he keeps towards himself and the blame. I hope you never felt that way, it wasn’t your fault.

Laying with him, I felt at peace. I’d met someone who love had slipped away from them just as mine had.. he knew my heartache and he knew how to help me talk. He showed me her engagement ring and told me their plans, how one day he woke up and everything was different, then she was gone. I braided his hair while he spoke to keep him calm, letting him rant and be angry for a while. Should I be angry? I don’t know, but I’m not. I just.. accepted it so easily, and he looks so shocked when I tell him why..

I told him, I fell in love with you because of your fire, how passionately you saw the world, I tell him how I fell in love with watching you exist. How you commanded the world to be good to you as you were to it. How you demanded happiness and controlled how the world treated you. I met confidence with confidence and somewhere the power was shaken in us both.

You began to second guess, doubt, worry, and hide behind walls of glass. I was losing you.. you were slipping through my fingertips and I didn’t know how to stop it.. how do you stop a cloud from drifting away.. how can you hold energy in your hand.. how can you keep a flower from curling in on itself..

I cry and tell him I blame myself for so much, for the pain, the worry, for you running behind your walls, I tell him of my past and how guarded I tend to be, I cry and I choke up.. but he stays quiet and strokes my cheek.. I cry and tell him everything I can think of about you, but then.. I realize, and I look at him and all he goes is “I know you thought I was .... just keep talking to me like I am.. maybe one day you’ll actually get to talk to them like this” and my walls finally collapse, I grab his shirt and scream, I cry, I shake.. I crumbled. Only one other time in my life have I begged.. and you don’t remember it.. he holds me tighter than I’ve ever been held, for a moment it feels like he holds me together. Letting me put myself back from pieces to solid.

Then he grabs my chin and he whispers, ‘it’s a new year, release this pain and let yourself be strong.’ and he slowly lets himself fall to pieces before me. It’s a very intense experience to lay your soul out before another person, it’s even more intense when they return the notion. Only once before have I felt so close to another human being without there being romantic feelings involved, and I hope everyone everywhere has a moment like this.

Inside his tiny studio apartment, pieces of my soul and his now reside in the wood.. the windows and walls could tell my story, the night air has seen all of my pain.. on the floor near his mattress we laugh, he starts and it’s simply contagious.. his deep baritone chuckle lights up the room and is infectious until we’re both laughing. ‘How is it, we couldn’t have love one another?’ he asked, looking at me with those sad brown eyes. I tell him I don’t know, but the universe has a plan.. that’s all I can cling to these days, that there is a plan in motion and I am doing my best, to be my best. ‘What is your New Years resolution?’ he chuckles, a slurr slipping into his words as the weed disappears and the alcohol comes out. ‘To fall in love with myself..’ I whisper, taking a shot I’ve lost count of. ‘Who wouldn’t love you?’ He laughs, and I have to smile ‘I wouldn’t, but god am I learning how too..’ the way he looks at me is with amazement, a look I haven’t seen in quite some time. He looks past my insecurities of my body, passed the things I hate about myself, and he sees the flicker of a flame of love in which I am accepting of who I am. And changing those things I can. ‘To loving who we are, until we can also love someone else!’ His voice fills the air, the clash of bottles rings through the air and we drink to a toast I fully believe in.

‘I was always told you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.’ I laugh at his words, having heard them myself before. How can you love yourself if no one has ever shown you what’s worth loving. He nods, and lays his head on my chest. ‘I would love every inch of you, if my heart didn’t belong to her..’ I know the sadness in his voice even through such a sweet statement. I play with his braids and the tears slip down my face, ‘as I would try to fall in love with you, if my heart was mine..’

His soft snores fill the air, and he falls asleep holding me so tightly I worry if he thinks I’ll disappear. ‘Please, stay..’ is all I can hear from his sleepy lips, my heart clenches and I curl into him..

It’s okay, to feel safe here.. maybe.

He’s not you though..

He never will be..

#rant #sad bot #thoughts #tonight #i wish i could talk to you

[queen-of-deans-booty]

All Hell Breaks Loose Part One- Part 2

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,091

Warnings: Typical Supernatural violence, language, angst, minor character death, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. If you’re a junkie for this sort of thing, then a tag list is the right thing for you! If you want to be a Queen, I’ll add you to that list too! Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

AHHHH This season is almost done!!!!! Just ONE more episode left! If you’ve been catching along with this series, this and the next episodes is what I wan to hear your thoughts on!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

“Sam, please tell me you’ve read about that kind of demon before because I haven’t.” You said, stopping when everyone was outside.

“I think that was an Acheri which is a demon that disguises itself as a little girl. However, that doesn’t tell us where we are,” Sam said, looking at everyone. You looked at Andy who wasn’t paying attention.

“Andy, you with us?” You asked.

“Yeah, just wait a second… I’m still working over the fact that demons are real.” He said with a huff. You nodded and Sam took the lead as he walked through the town.

“Sam, why don’t we just leave? I’m sure there’s a road that is kind of near us somewhere.” You said, walking a little in front of him.

“I knew it was a good thing we didn’t kill you,” Jake said with a smile. You rolled your eyes but kept your mouth shut. “I like her idea.”

“That demon might come back. Plus, how can we leave when we don’t know where we are?” Sam said, stopping in front of an old bell tower. On top, a rusty bell was hanging by a wooden structure.

“That’s an old bell.” You said, noticing just how much rust was on there.

“I’ve seen that bell before. I think I know where we are: Cold Oak, South Dakota. It’s a town that was so haunted, every single person fled.” Sam said, looking at everyone.

“Swell. Good to know we’re somewhere so historical.” Ava said, sarcastically.

“Why in the world would that demon or whatever put us here?” Lily asked.

“I’m wondering the same thing.” Sam muttered.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. Clearly, the only sane thing to do here is get the hell out of Dodge.” Lily said, scoffing.

“Wait, hold on. Lily, the only way out is through miles of woods. Plus, we don’t know if that demon will come back or if there is more of them.” Sam tried to reason with her but she wasn’t having any of it.

“He’s right, Lily, we should stick together.” Jake started to say but Lily interrupted him.

“Don’t say “we”! I’m not part of “we”. I have nothing in common with any of you.” Lily said, backing up a little from the group.

“Okay, look, now I know…”

“No, you don’t know! I accidentally touched my girlfriend.” Lily said, getting emotional. You frowned and bit your lip, feeling bad for her.

“I’m sorry.” You said, breaking the silence, making her look at you.

“Whatever. I feel like I’m in a nightmare, and it just keeps getting worse and worse.”

“And you don’t think we aren’t in one as well? I watched the life go out in my own mother’s eyes because of me. Because I was supposed to be dead instead of her. How do you think I felt? So, don’t think for one second, your life could be worse than ours when you know nothing about me or Sam or even Ava, Jake or Andy. Because you don’t. Now, the best thing is sticking together. Do I make myself clear?” You said, glaring at her. She stared at you, trying to figure out if you were joking but when she decided, she sighed.

“Fine.” She said, crossing her arms. You nodded and walked ahead of the group, the rest of them following you.

“So, in the meantime, we are looking for iron, silver, salt, or any kind of weapon.” Sam instructed.

“Salt is a weapon?” Jake asked.

“Yeah, it is with demons.” You said, making him look at you.

“Well, let’s hope food is a weapon because I am starving.” Andy said. You chuckled but didn’t say anything as you walked into a building to start looking for things. You thought it would be best to start with the building that looked like a café or a diner since salt would hopefully be in here.

You’ve been searching for a while now, partnering up with Sam and Ava since you didn’t trust any of the other people.

“You really think Dean is okay?” Sam asked you.

“I hope. I can’t even imagine what he’s thinking right now or where he is or who he’s with.” You said with a sigh, seeing a knife on the ground. You bent down and picked it up, examining it. You handed it to Sam and he took it, wiping off the dust. You looked over at Ava and frowned when she seemed to be in pain.

“Ava? You alright?” At the mention of her name, Sam looked over at her in confusion.

“Yeah, I don’t know, just a little dizzy.” She said, rubbing the sides of her head.

“Are you sure it’s not some kind of vision?” Sam asked.

“No, it’s more like I would kill for a sandwich right now. I can’t remember the last time I’ve eaten. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” She said with a sigh.

“You guys!” You heard Andy say from outside. “I found something!” You, Ava and Sam rushed outside where Andy and Jake stood. Andy smiled as he held up two bags.

“Salt!” He said with a smile.

“That’s great, Andy. Now we can all… Wait, where’s Lily?” Sam asked, noticing the group had one less person.

“Lily?” Ava called out.

“Lily!!” You yelled but no response was given. It was dead silent but then, out of nowhere, you heard the giggle of a little girl come from nearby. You didn’t want to know what happened but you had to and so the group followed the noise to the old bell.

You gasped in shock when you saw Lily there, hanging by a noose from the bell.

“Oh, my God! Okay, that’s officially— Sam, she’s dead! She’s dead! You said we were chosen for a reason. That is not chosen! That’s killed! Okay, we have to get out of here.” Ava said, freaking out.

“No, Ava, we can’t. She wanted to leave but she was killed for it. I don’t think there are multiple demons here. I think it’s just the one and it’s not going to let us leave.” You said, looking at Sam since he always knew what to do.

“Alright, it’s trying to attack us so we need to gear up for the next attack.” Sam said.

“Gear up? I’m not a solider, I can’t do that.” Ava said, her eyes wide.

“Well, you are now. You kind of don’t have a choice unless you want to die. You see, Sam and I have been doing this all of our lives so it’s best to listen to us.” You said to her, earning a grunt.

“I’ll get her down.” Jake said, already on the job.

“I wish I could call Dean. He’d know what to do.” You said, biting your lip. You got tears at the thought of him scared and alone.

“Wait just a second,” Andy said, realizing something. “I’ve never tried it long-distance before, but do you have anything of Dean’s on you? Like, something he touched?” You looked at Sam and he shook his head. You bit your lip and took off the flannel you were wearing.

“This is his shirt.” You handed the shirt to Andy and he did this thing. He closed his eyes and concentrated really hard, clutching the shirt tightly. He handed it back to you and you immediately put it on, missing the warmth it gave.

“Did it work?” You asked.

“It should have.” Andy said with a shrug.

“Well, then I guess all we can do right now is get ready for the next attack.” You said, noticing that Jake came back to the group.

“So, what else do we need?” Andy asked.

“Iron would be great. I saw some barn have iron bars on machines. That will work.” You said with a shrug, looking at Sam.

“Alright, I’m going to go with Jake and get those bars. Y/N, why don’t you go with Ava and Andy to salt some of those houses.” Sam suggested.

“No, Sam, I’m going with you.” You said, leaving no discussion. He sighed and he nodded, taking you and Jake with him to the barn while Ava and Andy left to the houses. You walked inside the barn and sighed when you saw how much harder it would be to get the bars off.

But that was no problem for Jake since he strolled past you and to the machine, ripping off the iron rods with his bare hands. You and Sam stared at him, stunned.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not Superman or anything. It’s no big deal.” Jake said, shrugging it off.

“Not a big deal? You just ripped that thing off with your bare hands.” You said, lightly scoffing.

“Well, it started when I was in Afghanistan. You know, the headaches were always common but then the accident happened. A guy flipped his vehicle and got pinned underneath. I just lifted the damn thing off him like it weighed nothing. I had no idea what was going on but everyone said it was just my adrenaline.”

“I’m guessing there is more to the story?” You said, taking the rods from him.

“Yeah, I bench-pressed 800 pounds, stone cold calm. I never told anyone, of course.” Jake chuckled.

“Wow. Overwhelming.” You said with a nod. You realized now that he could have killed you if he squeezed hard enough on your throat.

“Listen, I’m sorry about earlier. I was scared and when a demon tells you to do something, you do it. I don’t want to kill you. You seem pretty nice.” Jake apologized. You bit your lip, sensing something off with him but you needed to work together and being suspicious won’t help that.

“I appreciate it.” You said with small smile.

“And look, I appreciate what you and Sam are doing.”

“What are we doing?” You asked.

“Keeping calm. Keeping them calm. Especially considering how freaked to hell you two really are. I’ve been in some deep crap before myself. I know the look.”

“We’ve been doing it a long time so keeping calm is kind of our façade that we manage to uphold.” You said with a dry chuckle. Sam didn’t say anything else and he sighed, gathering the rest of the weapons Jake managed to break off the machines.

You two left the barn and walked to the house that Ava and Andy would be setting up. It was getting pretty dark out and you needed your sleep or else you wouldn’t be able to do your job properly. After lining the areas with salt, everyone sat on something remotely comfortable. Sam was the first one to be out like a light.

“You know, Ava, I don’t know if Sam told you this but there is something you should know about your fiancé.” You said to her, whispering so that you didn’t wake Sam.

“What is it? Is he okay?” She asked, worried for him.

“When we went back to your house to look for you, um, he didn’t make it. I’m sorry.” You said with a sigh. She started crying, upset over the news. She didn’t say anything but went to bed, crying herself to sleep.

You sighed and laid on your makeshift bed, deciding it would be best if you got some sleep like the rest.

“Wakey wakey.” You heard a voice call out. You groaned, opening your eyes a bit. It couldn’t have been morning already, you just went to sleep. When you caught the figure who was calling you, your eyes widened and you scrambled to get up.

“Sam!” You yelled, looking over at am who was still sleeping. You frowned and looked back at the yellow-eyed demon.

“He can’t hear you.” He said with a chuckle.

“What the fuck do you want? Here to kill me, again? Because look how well that turned out for you last time.” You said with an eye roll.

“You know, I could and that would be fun but I don’t have to. One of these other people will, when I’m done with them. You see, only one of you are getting out of this town and it isn’t going to be you.” He said with a sick grin.

“I’m going to fucking kill you.” You growled.

“Yeah, I would love to see you try when you wake up.” He chuckled, taking a seat on an empty table.

“Get out of my head.” You said with a glare.

“See you in hell.” He said with a grin.

The Queens:

@maddieburcham1 @ginamsmith​ @mogaruke​ @whit85-blog​ @inlovewithbja​ @spn67-sister​ @kdfrqqg​ @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes​ @roxyspearing​ @supercalifragilistic26 @mishamigose​ @cobrakai1967​ @essie1876​ @wishedworld​ @crispychrissy​ @laqueus-ludovicus​ @nostalgic-uncertainty​ @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel​ @potterhead1265​ @starswirlblitz​  @untitled39887​ @ta-n-ja​ @deans-fallen-angel-boy @scarletluvscas @notnaturalanahi​ @tahbehonest​ @stay-in--place​ @dreaminofdean @posiemax​ @donnaintx​ @mikey1822​ @alexandriajanae4​  @li-ssu​ @just-another-winchester​ @obsessivecompulsivespn​ @emoryhemsworth​ @newtospnfandom​ @mizzezm​  @goldenolaf25​ @jessikared97​ @wh1sp3r1ng-impala​ @charliebradbury1104​    @queen-of-moons-peace-out-bitches @becs-bunker​ @atc74​ @lemonchapstick​

The Dean Beans:

@akshi8278​ @mega-mrs-dean-winchester​ @winchesterandpie​ @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester​ @carribear31​ @tacklesackles​ @oreosatmidnight​ @not-naturalfangirl​ @missselinakitty​ @iam-a-cutiepie​  @kristendansmith​ @milo-winchester-4ever​ @jensenackesl​ @codyshany316​ @pheonyxstorm​ @helllonearth​ @juniorhuntersam​ @pouterpufftrain​ @ruprecht0420​ @shut-ur-face-and-get-in-the-car @carriemichelle2012​ @aubreystilinski​

Series Rewrite Junkies:

@helllonearth​ @amyisabellal​ @deanwnchstr​ @caseykitten6​ @quixoticcat​ @supernaturalblogging​ @notmoose45​ @crowleysminion​ @mina22​ @tahbehonest​ @hadleymcallister2177 @destielsangels​ @spnhybrid @oreosatmidnight​ @valerieshubin​ ​​ @seninjakitey @flyonlittlewinchester @aubreystilinski​ @rocketqueeens​  @emilygracespellins​ @earthtokace​

#supernatural series rewrite #all hell breaks loose part one #dean winchester #dean winchester angst #dean winchester x reader #spn series rewrite #dean x reader #dean x you #dean x reader insert #dean #dean angst #dean fic #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fanfiction #series rewrite #series rewrite masterlist #dean winchester series rewrite #season 2 episode 21 #s2e21 #s2e21 spoilers #spoilers #spn #spn spoilers #supernatural #supernatural spoilers #sam #sammy #sam winchester #bobby #bobby singer

[buddaheadcannonsonice]

Rika’s back and MC gets left P. 5

Rika is back and MC gets sick at the same time she feels abandoned. Part 1 (x) | Part 2 (x) | Part 3 (x) | Part 4 (x) | Part 5 (x)

Some say that people experience 3 different loves throughout their lifetime

The first: the young, idealistic kind of love that looks right but may not feel right

The second: the hard love; where lessons are learned and the kind of unbalanced love where making it work is more important that if is actually should work

The love we wished was right

And finally

The third: the wrecking ball; the one we never see coming and teaches us why the rest didnt work out

Looks wrong; but feels right and lasts

Not always will each be experienced in close age gaps following another; some never experience all three

Others are fortuante and only experience one or two

and others believe they have experienced all three in another life

But sometimes love is only a concept and not real for some people in the sense that love only has to be sexual or romantic  and not familial

Whatever the case you need to acknowledge the different loves

Because love is more than just romantic or classified;

Not always will they be romantic or have enough power in them to stir a storm in you, but there is always a level of light within each love

Sometimes, it can be hard to realize, accept, and even move on from; but sometimes it’s best to move on from them, even if they are your family

---

You don't think you can move

The sounds of blades ripping through the air make your ears hurt and pop

Someone is caressing your head

and someone else is gripping your hand

You don't know where you are or why

But you don't feel like you should be there

The voices are distant and unlike anything you can understand

Sometime later the loud blades stop and you’re being lowered by a few people and wheeled away

You hear people arguing and yelling and you still can't open your eyes

Why can't I see?

You can't move either

You feel needles entering you

Machines all around

And feel nice, clean oxygen enter your nose through tubes

Am I in trouble?

You still cant hear well

But you can feel

You feel someone squeeze your hand and someone kiss your cheek

You don't know where they went but after a few minutes they all left

--- Jahee ---

She can't believe it

She doesn't

Not at first, not until V explains

He explains that Rika had always been sick

that she needed to save everyone and help in anyway she could to feel needed and loved

V explained how she could only help them by hurting them and by making MC the middle person

But he didn't think she would hurt MC

Not in a way that would kill her way at least

By the request of Mr. Han

Jahee had both lawyers and psychologist at the standby ready

But her main concern was MC

She thought MC was gone, that she left without goodbye and was hurt

But no; she was wrong

MC was the victim

What will become of her, she didn't know

She wondered if anyone felt like she did bc no one seemed to think that Rika and V needed to be held accountable

It was a game of pointing fingers and “If MC dies what then?”

She needed something more awakening and filling than coffee atm

She needed MC to be okay

--- Yoosung ----

He was livid

How could V blame everything on Rika? She would never do this!

After he saw the messages he threw his phone

He went to Zen to be caught up and both went with Jahee to the hospital where Jumin and Seven were waiting for MC

He needed to see Rika though

Neither Jahee nor Zen complied

He asked Jumin to take him to see Rika but Jumin just looked at him with an unreadable expression and if he asked Seven, Seven wouldnt have answered since he’d have been busy on his laptop

He almost gave up but then saw Rika in a separate room with V

He couldn't stand V

V did this; by allowing this to continue he hurt MC and RIka

He would never ever forgive him

---- Zen ----

The surgery was long and tiring

He canceled everything and stayed in the waiting room Jumin had set up for them rich kid problems

He really had a need just to smoke all his stress away but didnt want to knowing that MC wasnt a fan of the smell and he didnt want her to say that when she woke up from the surgery

He had it all planned out

“Forget Rika and the rest, let's go and travel without responsibilities MC”

And he hoped she'd agree and maybe even offer to take them all to visit her home and family and

he was excited that the pet she had was a dog and not a cat bc poor bby cant sneeze and have fun at the same time

But he knew he just needed to ask for trust fund over there for some help and once MC was out of here hed propose the idea to her and the other members

BUt first he’d need to know how they found her and everything because V was vague and it irritated him how they kept secrets

He thought they were all family; is this how a family should be?

He really just needed a smoke

---- Seven ----

It's an endless nightmare for him

Hacking into the system worked up until he couldn't continue to watch her stats drop

He didnt want to imagine what damage would befall onto MC

AFter flatlining a few times, he was sure that the doctors would call her time of death but they kept at it

Until finally MC stabilized

When the doctors told the rest the news he didnt think he could breathe until he saw for himself that MC was okay and not taken away again by an occult-following quack of a doctor

So he kept an eye on her through the video

He read on the reports the doctors and nurses were inputting into the system but all he could think about was who Unknown was

V would know, but he didnt trust himself to go to V to get answers

Not at the moment anyways

They must have been good to have helped MC

And isn’t there some saying that if a dog likes a person, it’s because they are good?

----

You can hear and feel and think

But you can't see

Am i even moving?

You being to wonder where you have come to that you don’t understand anything anyone is saying

You panic because you feel people touch you,

but you can’t see anyone or anything and it scares you because they cant hear you to know to stop

You try to hear out for your mom or dad

You feel hands on your face and you panic because you dont want anyone touching you there; you cant stand anyone touching you anywhere

You feel something cold run up your arm and then you fall back to calmness...

---- Jumin ----

He couldnt look at her let alone hug her

He wanted to know that she would forgive him

BUt at the moment he really wanted to know that she would overcome this and wake up and smile

Just to see her smile would make everything else fall into a prefecture of being able to breath easy

The doctors said that she would have to continue on the medication and get on a clinical trial that can possibly help her we all know Jumin pushed for her to be in one

But Jumin didnt think everything would ever be the same

They wrapped her face becasue of the medication that Rika gave her, that caused some deformities in her eyes

They got to her in time to save her eyes, but she won’t be able to see for a few days until she fully recovered

They said she would be groggy when waking up and even confused, which should go away in time

They gave her a sedative to relax her so she wouldnt further injure herself 

But it made him confused that she didnt understand them at all or know who was talking

Or how she was feeling all over herself, which caused her to think someone else was touching her and which caused her to panic even more

He knew he should go and see Rika and V but he couldn’t atm, not while MC was like this

Jahee left to get coffee and to make sure the lawyers were ready for whatever was to come:

Either RIka and V are held accountable or not, or if MC decides to leave everyone and order a restraining order- whatever she wanted, he was sure to deliver

--- Rika ---

“It was all for the sake of everyone”

she chanted over and over, not knowing that she was mumbling to herself as V and her cousin stood by watching her from the doorway 

Some time had passed, not knowing what day it was, or what happened after the girl... the one with the sin... after that sinful girl was taken it all went blank for Rika 

She tried to remember but she couldn’t push past the hazy clouds of incoherent memories she didn’t trust anymore 

There was one doctor she liked that she saw 

He was a man of his word and talked to her about religion and even let her explain how that sinful girl made her way into hurting everyone 

and how it was only possible becuase she and how it was only possible becuase she let it happen

If it had not been for Rika, no one would have met MC

No one would have been saved! 

No one would have been liberated from the tribulations and trials and suffering that came with life had it not been for Rika allowing MC into the RFA

And the doctor understood that. 

Rika didnt ask for updates on the sinful girl bc she wanted to know that it was all worth it in the end to save everyone 

“She woke up and scared everyone when she didnt understand them” V talked to Rika as she continued to mumble her chant 

“Thankfully Jumin is fluent in English and was able to talk to MC for the few moments she didn’t remember Hangul” 

Rika slightly upset that she failed 

Hearing the angels mock her as she sat there listening to V talk about that sinful girl made her angry 

She didnt want to be mocked by the angels anymore 

--- V ---

He felt guilty in ways that he knew were sick and twisted 

He shouldnt have defended Rika or he should have gone to seek help for her

He let Rika’s condition continue and grow until she no longer was the same Rika he first met at the gallery all those years ago 

He was too scared to meet everyone face to face after all that had happened; he didn’t want to see anyone out of fear and shame 

MC woke up confused and only understandable through English

The only thing that kept V sane was the small conversations Jumin would have with him

granted they were mainly one-sided, he felt warm and almost forgiven when Jumin talked to him 

He didn’t know if he would ever recieve forgiveness from MC

at this point, he wasnt sure he even deserved it 

But to know that MC would turn out fine despite all he had done and let Rika do would give him comfort for the rest of his days 

------

Jumin calmly explained how you were not in America anymore and that you were in South Korea 

He helped you remember things you already knew but you didn't want them to know you knew 

You figured it would make things easier if you let them think you forgot the majority of everything 

From them abandoning you to the drugs and to the now; you wanted them all to think you forgot the major events 

You did, however, let them know that you did not forget Paco poor bby was sad until he saw you 

You found it hard to lie to them for the first day and then went to slowly ‘remembering’ Hangul

It was not hard to pretend to be weary around them bc they did abandon you and thought you left them without having known you better 

You wanted to forgive them for having left you and forgotten about you 

but you couldnt find it in you to forgive them 

Try as they might, you could not go back to before Rika resurfaced

Zen offered a trip to the States to visit your family, and Jumin ofc said he would pay for the trip for everyone 

Jahee provided a lot of amazing coffee for you to indulge in such the coffee whore you ever are

Yoosung would stop by and cry for a few seconds each visit and then leave the room in an uncomfortable manner 

and then there was Seven 

You dont know why but you couldn't find it in you to ever stay mad at him

You did want to ask him about Saeran, bc you weren’t sure if you should expose Unknown’s identity to a hacker who works for bosses that dont seem to be the best runner-ups for ‘Boss-of-the-year-award’ 

Would he get in trouble? What if by exposing his name, I’d get him in trouble? I don’t want Saeran to be involved. He shouldn’t have to hide either. Where did he go? Would Seven keep this a secret if I asked him to? 

--- Unknown ---

He watched MC convey confusion and watched how she reacted towards everyone 

How she was at ease with Saeyoung and Jumin the most out of all the RFA 

How she smiled when the secretary would give her coffee and when the red-eyed boy would smile back at her after he would helplessly flirt 

Or how she would tense up when the young blonde boy walked in sad and left sad, but how she would fondly smile at the boy when he was not apologizing

Saeran felt like he was part to blame for what happened to her 

Maybe one day he will come back and see how things would work out if he could find out more about Saeyoung 

He felt like he was making all the right choices and for all the right reasons, that is until MC and Paco became his mission, making him loose the game and goal he set out to win 

His primary concern was how to come back to face Saeyoung without malicious intent 

until then, he figured he would go to America and see how things were for a few weeks how convenient that it would be during their trip to visiting MC’s home town 

----

You didnt know if Yoosung would ever look at you the same

it bothered you slightly how the one person who you thought would have stayed by your side would leave you a lot more than the rest 

But you knew 

you knew how this must have all been confusing for him to have discovered what mental issues his cousin was dealing with 

You just wished that he didn't blame V for everything 

bc it wasnt V, it was all Rika 

You know you should forgive and forget but you couldnt 

It didnt feel right to lie to Seven and Jumin 

but you got the sense that they knew you knew 

Somehow it a silent agreement between the 3 of you to pretend that you dindt remember most of the past few weeks 

You were scared of leaving teh hospital because you didnt want to be alone anymore 

but you were scared of the hospital from the beginning since most of everything started with the hospital 

Jumin offered you the best lawyers and doctors and space as an apology 

while Seven kept you company and when he thought you slept, you could hear him profusely apologize 

You agreed to Zen’s idea of a vacation only after V admitted Rika into the psychiatric ward 

Yoosung wouldnt talk to you for days or to anyone, but you felt like maybe he needed to take time to re-evaluate his thoughts 

You enjoyed it when Jahee would bring in a good cup of coffee and talk to you like you used to before 

No one mentioned the illness you had or the Rika events 

It made you happy to not think about the stress or heartbreaking moments 

but it made you sad too because it was your life 

and no one was acknowledging it at all 

You did, however, receive only one letter from Unknown who asked you to keep his real name a secret until the next time you would meet 

He reminded you that you could still talk to Paco about the part of your life everyone was okay with omitting 

And you understood why they wanted to omit that bit of your life, but omitting it doesn't completely mask the fact that it happened 

Maybe this will all catch up and resurface some day to where everyone would come to terms with it all 

and maybe then Rika would be back to how everyone said she was but you found it hard to believe and less thrilling to picture

But until then you figured out to slowly let them into your heart instead of you into theirs, things could be different 

Maybe you would learn to forgive them and learn to trust them as they did to you before Rika 

But you figured it would take time 

A person can only hold out so much before they crumble after having pieces of them chipped and filled away to make space for other people to fit with them

Maybe if you had stayed home instead of venturing for adventure, you wouldnt have become terrified of the dark, needles, and strangers so much 

Maybe if you didn’t answer those messages you wouldnt have become so traumitized by a group of people you considered family 

But maybe if Rika didn’t go crazy on you, you wouldn’t have formed such bonds with people 

And you know that there was still a lot of more to discover of each member of the RFA before you could ever think of leaving your family 

For the moment you would settle with: Rika staying far away from you,

everyone hovering including the ever so distant smoll angry Yoosung,

the constant suppression of events you wanted to make everyone feel guilty about but couldnt bc they did that on their own, 

and the knowledge that this dysfunctional group of misfits would be your final, unforeseen, and third love.

#rfa headcannons #rfa angst #jumin han #saeyoung choi #saeran choi #zen #jahee kang #Kim Yoonsung #rika #v #unknown #seven #707 #mystic messenger #mc mystic messenger #angst #where did #vanderwood #go #?