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albaskies · 1 month

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Tears ricochet

It occurs to her all at once, her nose buried in his chest, his arms tight around her shoulders.

‘You’re alright,’ he whispers. ‘You’re alright.’

When she looks up to him, sees his eyes shut and his tense lips, she immediately knows he is not trying to reassure her. He is reassuring himself.

He’d found her in the Common Room, not long after he’d disappeared with Professor McGonagall behind the doors of the hospital wing. He’d walked straight to her as soon as he’d seen her, ignoring Ron and Hermione’s worried looks, and he’d held like he had not seen her since before he’d left the school with Dumbledore. He’d clung to her like he’d only just realised that they had been apart during a battle, that he’d been too far away to protect her, that he cannot be in two places at once. And it pains him, she can tell, it takes his breath away.

This must be it, she thinks - she knows. She clenches her fists, pressing her body onto his only for him to feel that she’s alive, she’s safe, she’s real. She won’t leave him, not until he’ll ask her to.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Stupid and noble.

.

No, she understands. Really, she does. It must’ve been somewhere hidden in the fine print on dating the Chosen One. Right under He will set off to top-secret missions with old wizards that end up dying, it’d say: He’ll push you away to keep you safe, and then: He’ll leave you behind, whatever that means. And finally: You must let him.

After all, her feelings are irrelevant in the bigger picture. There’s a war raging out there, for Merlin’s sake. Why would she even waste time fantasising about a boy she fancies when Dumbledore has died and her brother has been maimed? It’s only selfish to even fathom those silly feelings in a time like this, right? Right?

She forces her head back under the hot stream of the shower, lets the water flood her face and blur her vision, trying harder than herself to shut down that one intrusive thought she knows has now started creeping in the back of her mind. But she can’t. She can’t because she already knows, not so deep down, that he’s not just some boy she fancies, that her feelings aren’t silly, that what they share is there and it’s real, whatever it is.

Her mouth tastes bitter now. Ironic how Tom has ruined this for them, too.

.

She tells Hermione the following morning, when the boys have run off to find some lunch for them to eat under a tree. She’s not sure what she expects to get out of her, but she takes a shot at it anyway.

‘He’s going to leave me.’

Hermione opens her mouth but nothing comes out, her eyes sombre. Ginny realises she has been holding her breath.

‘You all are.’

Still, the warm July sun bathes the castle grounds as if summer does not care, as if it is all some cruel joke.

.

When it finally happens, at least she is not caught off guard. She manages to hold back her tears, just as she promised herself on countless occasions, because he does not deserve any more pain. He does not deserve any of it.

Funny how she is the one who is getting her heart broken, but she is still more concerned about his well being than anything else. Maybe this is what love is, she finally realises. It must be.

She reckons this is not the best time to tell him. Wonders if she’ll ever get the chance to.

.

On the train ride back home, she’s finally alone and free to let out all those tears she’s so stubbornly managed to hold back until now. She’s only human, after all.

She feels it all so distinctly now, the pain, the grief, the hurt, the hopelessness. But there is something almost peaceful about the deep-rooted, ever-present, plain old sense of acceptance that sits right on top of her stomach.

She knows it too well that the time has come for the Chosen One to prevail over Harry. The Chosen One has things to do, riddles to solve (Really, Ginny?, she thinks, half-smiling despite herself), and Harry has to oblige, head down, feelings buried, a wasted adolescence. It must be hard to love the Chosen One, that self-sacrificing, reckless, stubborn, noble git. But loving Harry, the real Harry, is the easiest thing in the world.

As for her - well, she knows she deeply cares for them both. Hell with that, she knows she loves them both. And, yes, she understands them both. She knows all too well what her role is, in all this mess. She really does know that the Chosen One had no choice but to break up with her before doing whatever he is set to do. She also knows that Harry never would have.

This is the only thought that will keep her going even months from now, when she will be fighting her own resistance battle.

.

As soon as she sets foot into her home, the all-too-familiar smells flooding her senses, she just knows she won’t be able to sit through an entire dinner without giving away too much. She’s too tired to lie and pretend.

‘I’m going to bed,’ she mutters to nobody in particular. ‘I’m not hungry,’ and: ‘Yes, I’m fine, I’m just knackered.’

Her mother stiffens, ready to let out a protest, but she turns on her heels towards the stairs before anyone manages to say anything. She can feel Ron’s eyes on the back of her neck, just as she’s felt his silent and constant gaze since they got off the train not so long ago. And when she hears his heavy steps behind her, following hers, she’s not even surprised.

They stop on the first floor landing, just in front of her bedroom door.

‘I’m fine, Ron,’ she quickly tells him, suddenly worrying that he’ll jump right into one of those how dare my best friend hurt my sister kind of rants. ‘Don’t worry about it.’

But instead, when she looks at him she realises that he’s not going to do any of that. His expression is miserable, sure, but it doesn’t take long for her to learn that he understands, too.

‘I’m so sorry, Ginny,’ he blurts out, no need to add more.

And that’s when it hits her, again, but much stronger this time. Maybe it’s because it’s someone else who is putting it in front of her, making it more real, or maybe it’s because she’s back home and the void left by Harry's absence is slowly starting to burn a hole in her heart. Maybe both, or maybe neither. It doesn’t even matter, that's for sure.

‘I’m sorry, too.’

He must have felt that something has changed, her voice has shifted and her eyes have filled with tears. She can read it all over his face - the distress, the panic, the what do I do now. She reckons she hasn’t cried in front of him since that train ride on her way to school in her second year. Must be new for him, must feel weird.

But even if his expression doesn’t seem to have a clue, his body certainly does - he stretches out his arm towards her and she grabs it right away, as if they have never really got rid of the long forgone habit of holding each other. He engulfs her in a warm hug, the Big Brother Hug, crumbling the last piece of guard she has managed to hold up until now. And then she just cries - she cries ugly, sobs and snot and all that. She feels like she’s twelve all over again.

.

Later, in her childhood bedroom, she sinks deep into her bed, ready to doze off into what she hopes will be dreamless oblivion. In that dark, quiet stillness, she can’t stop her mind from wandering to a time (or a fantasy, she isn’t quite sure) when this will all be over. He will slip into the very same tiny bed, squeezed right next to her, his hands gripped on her waist, lips pressed onto hers, then on her jaw, her neck, her shoulder. Or maybe - no, maybe she will rest her head on his chest, listening to the sound of him breathing, and he will gently stroke her hair as if he’s never really stopped. Or maybe (and here she can’t help but feel a soft blush tickling her cheeks), maybe their bodies and souls will find each other, bare, warm, breathless.

‘I can’t believe I got this lucky,’ he’ll tell her, you know, after. ‘I can’t believe I get to live this life.’

‘Been dreaming of getting in my bed for long, now, have you,’ she’ll tease, her sardonic tone merely hiding her immense relief.

He’ll let out a small smile - small, yes, but finally light, free, and easy, so, so easy.

‘All those Veelas didn’t quite hit’, he’ll draw some imaginary quotation marks in the air and throw her a knowing look. ‘The spot, you know.’

She’ll snort a laughter in disbelief, and she’ll be so fucking glad, because as though everything will have changed, so much will have just stayed the same.

#first thing I've written in 10 years #not sure where I found the courage to post it #I needed to let it out #hinny #harry x ginny #angst #ginny weasley #harry potter #half-blood prince #deathly hallows #missing moment #I guess?#how does this work #help a girl out

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agreekdemigod · 5 months

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Zosan A Monster in Paris-inspired AU but Sanji as the monster and Zoro as Raoul- who fell in love with the mysterious figure that sang a duet along popular singer Nico Robin. And Zoro may not know much about music nor does he care about it but even he can't not be charmed by Sanji's voice, sweet as honey and dripping with feeling.

#zosan #idk this concept has been bouncing inside my head for weeks now #i needed to let it out #also robin and sanji besties my beloved 🥺

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just-a-latina-fangirl · 7 months

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I feel queerbaited

As much as I'm liking the season so far, I can't shake the feeling that they're purposely adding moments between Loki and Mobius just because they know people want them together.

I actually had a similar feeling with S2 of Good Omens: they know people are shipping these two characters like crazy so they're giving us these little scenes of them working together, having deep conversations, being vulnerable and relying on each other, etc (especially the pie scene from ep 2, which btw reminded me a lot of the ineffable husbands).

The thing is, unlike Good Omens, I don't think they’re actually gonna do it. I don't think Loki and Mobius are gonna end up together, not even close.

I'm not even gonna talk about Sylvie here because that's a different subject entirely. Also to be clear I don't ship Loki x Sylvie, and I don't really ship Loki x Mobius either (they don't bother me though). All I'm saying is I feel like they're doing this on purpose, they're giving us these moments because they know that's what the audience wants, but they're not gonna commit to it, and that's not cool.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, maybe I'm straight up wrong, maybe Loki and Mobius actually become a thing, who knows?

But right now I feel queerbaited.

#maybe someone already said this but oh well #I needed to let it out #also yes this was inspired by the pie scene #loki #loki laufeyson #mobius #mobius m mobius #sylvie #sylvie laufeydottir #loki x mobius #loki x sylvie #loki series #loki season 2 #loki spoilers #marvel #mcu

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silversoulsociety · 2 years

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did anyone of you all also noticed the movie references in CSM op 1? i'm amazed because this is the first time i have experienced it in an anime opening. Literally Can't have a Fujimoto's work without movie references, damn.

the movies used-

Pulp Fiction #2 - Sadako vs Kayako #3 - No Country for Old Men #4- Once Upon a Time in Hollywood #5 - Attack of the Killer Tomatoes #6 - The Big Lebowski #7 - Jacob's Ladder #8 - Constantine #9 - La Divina Comedia #10 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre #11 - Don’t Look Up (1996)

#i needed to let it out #csm #csm op #makima #anime gifs #anime #i was able to recognize pulp fiction constantine no country for old men and once upon a time in hollywood references #the texas chainsaw massacre #fujimoto tatsuki #csm denji #aki hayakawa #pochita #power #chainsaw man kishibe #angel

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marthajonesurastar · 1 month

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I don't wanna hate men, I really don't. But they hate me, they hate what I represent. Women.

I don't wanna hate men, but what how am I supposed to feel towards someone who's giving me the two worst possible options I can think of - submission or harm - and telling me wanting anything else is an attack on them?

Submit to men, tend to their every need, their every wish and desire, while not having any yourself. Wanting is selfish, don't. Whatever you get should be enough, it's so ungrateful of you to have needs. The man is giving you a roof, attention and a purpose. Oh, you could get those yourself? Ungrateful bitch, no you can't. You need men's attention and approval, don't you know how important men are? What do you mean you don't care? You must! You were created to care about and for men, are you rejecting your purpose? What do you mean you have a different purpose? No, we're not letting you.

Is that how it's going to be? Then I don't want it. I want to be someone's equal, I want to be appreciated for what I am, not what I can do for others without complaining. I want passion, mutual worshipping, a deep understanding. I don't want to be a domestic labor machine someone kind of cares about because it gives them what they need.

I rather grieve the relationship I'll never have, than grieve my old self when it gets crushed into submission.

#Feminisim #text posts #Sorry for the 2am rant #I needed to let it out #women #women's rights #My writing my thoughts

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mountinez · 1 year

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#all the talks about ney's natural hair got me thinking about leo pulling his lil curls while * him from behind #sorry i really needed to share this thought #i needed to let it out #i'm not that sorry #neymessi #neymessi fics #fic or real life? idk tbh #this is not safe for work i guess

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l3m-ntwo · 7 months

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Badboyhalo

#I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN KEEPING THIS INSIDE EVER SINCE I'VE DOWNLOADED CYTUS #I NEEDED TO LET IT OUT #old screenshot btw^^^^^^^^

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bidisasterevankinard · 8 months

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Scream hour

My mom last days came back to her bullshit that I'm not feminine enough (like don't really wear make up a lot, don't wear skirts and dresses, wear oversize male t-shirt) and that I look bad in my comfort clothes("It males you fat") cause like I'm not on mood for clothes which make me not 100% confy because of anxiety and aaaaarh firstly, ARE YOU REALLY CAN BE NOT FEMININE ENOUGH WHEN YOU'RE GIRL? Like gender is something you can fail? I really should be like some standards foe women whicj are constantly changing?

And not gonna lie thise comments know make me think that maybe I'm not a girl? Cause well in my language there's enough feminine/male forms of words and I was always ok with using both, even if i used males one only as jokes? And like I don't think I'm boy, but not sure if I'm girl

Gender crisis so soon after finally being thriving with my sexuality (with still exploring it) wasn't what i expected

#diana.txt #i needed to let it out #some gender crisis here

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ourmisunderstoodmuse · 2 years

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I'm so angry at you today and you will never know.

I'm so mad at you today and you will never know.

I'm missing you today and you will never know.

I'm still waiting for you to come back and you will never know.

I'm still in love with you and you will never know.

I'm still obsessed with you.

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the-one-and-only-tree · 11 months

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I think the weirdest part about growing up queer was not knowing it wasn’t considered normal? Ever since I could remember, I knew that I liked boys and girls. Ever since I could remember, I didn’t mind being called a boy or a girl. Growing up and having to explain that to people, and then seeing their reactions shocked me. I remember in seventh grade telling one of my friends that I didn’t care what I was called, and she slammed the door to our next class going “you know HE doesn’t mind what we call HIM?” Pointing at me. I know it’s my personal experience, but being queer wasn’t something that I knew about until recently and I think that people are too quick to act. My parents never mentioned anything about dating or crushes when I was growing up, so I just assumed that everyone liked everyone.

Being queer is not something that can be chosen or taught. People can be informed about what words mean, or how what they might be feeling ties in to society, but there is nothing that makes someone gay. A kid can have all the information in the world and still be straight. A kid can be told how wrong their family thinks it is but still be queer. Kids could be told absolutely nothing. Being queer isn’t something that a kid develops due to outside experiences, because so many people feel the same way and had very different upbringings.

I don’t know why I wrote this, I just needed to put it somewhere and where is better than this godforsaken hellhole

#bisexual #nonbinary #queer #i needed to let it out #someone probably relates to this

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helenawa-art · 2 years

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Im probably gonna fail this test and on top of that I fought with my teacher because okay listen. I am not crazy. Is not normal that this man makes us IMAGINE how would we see our school if we were IN THE TOP OF A TREE (a real specific one it couldn't be an hypothetical one) and then we had to draw it exactly like it is like do you get me? Like it's impossible and I told him that is ridiculous and he was like calm down 😐 and I was like I'M CALM BUT THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DRAW SOMETHING I CAN'T SEE like ??????? FOR AN EXAM TOO LIKE HELLO.

#then he tells me well that's your problem 😐 well you're about to have another problem when i jump through the window #sorry for the rant guys 😍😍#i needed to let it out #school stories 🏵️

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rocknrollsalad · 8 months

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a list of things that clog the tags that I just don't care about (not a complete list)

your dreams

your sims

#i don't know why this stuff has to be TAGGED #post it #have fun #spam your followers #but spending half my time in a tag scrolling past the #'i had this dream the other day' posts is the worst #one out od 1000 might maybe be useful #sorry for the early morning negativity #i needed to let it out

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mytearsarethestars5 · 2 years

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You shot me, only to wonder why I bled out onto the dirt until I was empty.