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natashasfilms · 7 months

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Chapter Seven - A Real Rain

Summary: FBI agent Leila faces a profound life change after giving birth to a baby girl, supported by her loving husband. Despite the challenges of motherhood, Leila returns to her role as a dedicated agent a few months later, ready to confront gruesome and haunting cases with the BAU team.

Pairing: BAU!Fem!OC x Male!OC , EVENTUAL Aaron Hotchner x BAU!Fem!OC (Like much later)

Warnings: This story contains mature themes such as sexual content, strong language, violence, mentions of alcohol and drugs, blood, gore, and death. All the usual Criminal Minds stuff. And there is NO CHEATING.

Note 1: I imagine Leila Kade as South Asian but I have decided to let you, the reader, imagine her appearance, hence the reason why I have not given her a face claim. However, her race does not affect the story, whatsoever. You, as the reader, are free to imagine her however you want. If you don't see her as South Asian, then that's fine. It won't affect the storyline. I also imagine the OC!Male as South Asian, but again, it won't affect the storyline.

Note 2: The team will consist of the main cast (Emily, Derek, JJ, Spencer, Penelope, Aaron, and Rossi) but will also include Elle Greenaway and Jason Gideon because they were some of my favorite characters and I wanted to include them with the rest of the team. Basically, Elle and Gideon never leave when Emily and Rossi join.

Note 3: There will be multiple time skips throughout this series. For example, the first chapter will begin on the first season and episode of the show but then there will be a time skip to later episodes (because there are obviously way too many episodes to write this series on and I wanted to include specific episodes that would help the plot of this story). This means that this series will be a slow burn romance but I believe it to be better this way. This will also stray from the actual show a lot, so don't expect it to follow the plot precisely.

Series Masterlist

Season 1, Episode 17

Jasmine's joyful giggles filled the room as Zaid continued to play with her, bouncing her gently on his stomach. Leila lay on her pillow, her eyes heavy with exhaustion, but her heart warmed by the sight of her husband and daughter bonding.

"I don't want to go to work." Leila mumbled, her voice barely audible as she fought the urge to stay in bed.

Zaid turned his attention from their daughter to Leila, his expression softening with understanding. Still holding Jasmine securely, he offered her a gentle smile. "I know, honey." He said. His gaze briefly returned to Jasmine, pride and love evident in his eyes, before he turned back to Leila. "Why don't you take a day off today? Just one day to relax and recharge. It won't hurt, right?"

Leila paused, considering Zaid's suggestion. The thought of a break sounded enticing. The last extended break she'd taken was during her maternity leave, which felt like ages ago. However, all the thoughts washed away when her phone started ringing.

“Never mind.” Zaid sighed.

Leaving her family was the most challenging part. She had deep respect for her job, knowing that catching those sick criminals meant one less murderer on the streets. However, she couldn't help but despise being away from her family for days on end.

Being a mom while also being an FBI agent wasn't the easiest job. Although she had her husband, Jasmine sometimes wouldn't even go to her dad, wanting to be with her mom all the time. Balancing the demands of working tough cases for days straight and then being back at home to take care of her daughter and spend time with her family as a whole took a toll on her mental health. But at least she had Zaid, who helped her in any way he could.

As she prepared to say goodbye, Zaid wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer to his chest. "You're overworking yourself. You should take a break soon."

She sighed, resting her head on his chest. "I know. I will soon. Maybe after this case."

"Okay, good." He replied, planting a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Leila said, glancing over his shoulder to see Jasmine lying on the bed. She walked over and sat on the edge, giving her daughter a quick kiss on her forehead. "I love you, Jasmine."

Jasmine squealed with delight, kicking her legs in response to her mom's affection. Zaid joined the baby on the bed, knowing how fussy their daughter could get when her mom had to leave.

On the jet, Leila sat next to Elle, who was playing cards with JJ and Spencer. They were en route to their new case, which involved a serial killer who stabbed knives into the victims' ears, then broke off the handles. Leila put on her glasses and delved into the case file.

“This is not how I planned to spend a few days home in New York.” Elle said, looking carefully at her cards.

“I'd kill for an afternoon at Barneys and dinner at Il Cantinori.” JJ responded.

“I'm looking forward to seeing New York.” Spencer chimed in, shocking everyone on the plane with his response.

Derek raised an eyebrow. “You've never been to New York?”

Spencer shook his head. “We've never had an unsub there.”

Aaron turned to Gideon, overhearing their conversation. “I thought you were going to talk to Reid about taking some vacation time.”

“What's vacation time?” Gideon sarcastically questioned.

“Reid, it's a one-hour flight.” Derek exasperated, still shocked.

“Well, if we have some time, I'll show you around.” JJ smiled reassuringly at Spencer.

“It's a three-hour train ride, man.” Everyone, except Leila, laughed, while Spencer looked flustered.

Leila rubbed her temples, sensing a headache coming on. Zaid was right, she really was overworking herself. She was afraid she might become sick soon.

Elle looked over at her and furrowed her eyebrows. “Hey, you okay?” She whispered, as not to gain attention from the members on the plane. “Do you need anything?”

Leila shook her head, laying her back onto the seat. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“It’s kind of my job to worry about you, Leila.” Elle retorted. “I’m here if you need anything.”

Leila looked at her from the corner of her eyes, giving her a tight-lipped smile. “Thanks, Elle.”

Situating herself at the station in New York, her raging headache did not subside even after they landed. Leila took some painkillers in hopes that the headache would go away, but it had yet to kick in.

Someone placed a glass of water in front of her, causing Leila to look up. Aaron sat down in the chair next to her, keeping his usual stoic face present. “Drink it.”

Leila rolled her eyes but complied, bringing the glass to her lips and taking a few sips. “Thanks.” She mumbled, placing it back down and closing her eyes.

“You’re overworking yourself.” Aaron stated, narrowing his eyes at her. “If you need a few days off, just tell me.”

She scoffed, rubbing her eyes. “Aaron, if I needed a day off, I would’ve told you. And I don’t want to leave you guys.”

Locking eyes with her, his stern face didn’t falter. “You’re a vital member of this team but if you need some time away, I understand. You’re an agent who is also a mother to a little girl, so you have priorities outside of work.”

Her face softened at the mention of Jasmine. She put the glass of water down onto the desk, then clasped her hands together to tuck under her chin. “I guess I do need a break.” Aaron was about to speak before she cut him off. “After this case, though. I’m taking a break after we’re done with this case.”

Aaron nodded his head before standing up. He gently offered a comforting touch on her shoulders before walking away.

The team decided to get dinner at a nearby restaurant, not having found any new leads in the case after a long day. Leila’s headache had finally simmered down, allowing her to feel comfortable with working once again.

“So you know there was a big hole in the profile you presented back there.” Aaron told Gideon, as they all began to eat. Leila smelled the delicious food and immediately dove in, feeling starved from the entire day.

JJ looked confused, looking between Aaron and Gideon. “What's the hole?”

“I left out the possibility our UnSub might be a cop.” Gideon answered. Leila looked up at them, her eyes going from one person to the next as she continued to chew her food.

Derek chimed in. “Well, they do know the system. They're definitely overworked and underpaid.”

Aaron nodded his head but his eyes were set on his plate. “They see so much injustice every day they can easily take matters into their own hands.”

Leila swallowed before inputting her own comment. “It would certainly make sense.”

Spencer added his own facts, all while struggling to use the chopsticks. “When someone like our victim is killed, police refer to the murder as a public service murder.”

“You know how many rapists I saw walk during my Sex Crime days?” Elle shook her head, sighing. “And either the victims, they didn't want to press charges, or the juries, they said that she was asking for it. It was enough to make you explode.”

Leila took a napkin to wipe the corner of her mouth, holding it in her hand as she continued to eat. “The system is messed up. It doesn’t make sense how these people can just get away.”

“Well, it's a long way from feeling like that and actually committing murder.” JJ stated. “Don't you think?”

“Oh, not really.” Aaron responded to JJ’s question. At the same time, Spencer asked the waiter for a fork, causing everyone to snicker. Leila grinned, shaking her head at the boy’s actions.

“Did you know that experts credit Confucius with the advent of the chopstick?” Spencer began again with his facts. “He equated knives with acts of aggression.”

Derek laughed, holding the chopsticks up. “You don't know how to use them, do you?”

“It's like trying to forage for dinner with a pair of number two pencils.” Spencer answered and the table burst out laughing.

“Okay, here let me help you.” JJ said, taking Spencer’s chopsticks out of his hands to wrap a rubber band around it.

“Oh, the rubber band trick.” Derek smirked.

“Yeah, the rubber band trick.” JJ smiled.

Derek went back to the initial conversation.“Well, New York City cops do have a lot of pressure on them. Every move they make gets scrutinized.”

“One of the first cases of criminal profiling happened when a New York City cop asked a criminal psychiatrist friend to help with the Mad Bomber case.” Gideon stated.

“The Mad Bomber was a major inspiration for the Unabomber. He eluded cops in New York for 16 years, starting in 1940, but he kept his promise and never set off a single bomb during the Second World War.” Spencer said.

Gideon continued. “Psychiatrist James Brussels, he developed a profile so accurate, he predicted that when they caught the Bomber, he'd be wearing a double-breasted suit and it would be buttoned.”

Elle chuckled, looking around. “You guys, we're here in New York and even when we're not talking about our case, we end up talking about another profiler.” They all mumbled in agreement, while Aaron spoke up.

“You're right.” He turned to look at her. “So, Elle, are you seeing anyone?”

Derek laughed, almost choking on his food. Leila smirked, sipping on her glass of water before she caught Elle’s eye, winking at her. Elle’s face grew red and she looked away, her eyes set on the food on her plate. Derek continued to chuckle even as Elle changed the topic. “Uh, Gideon, why didn't you tell the cops that it might be one of their own?”

“If we're gonna catch the guy, we need all the help the cops can give us.” Gideon answered honestly. “Last thing I wanna do is accuse one of them of murder.” Suddenly, his phone began to ring, which he picked up a second later. “Gideon.”

“How's it going there?” JJ nodded her head towards Spencer, who still seemed to be struggling.

“Awesome.” Spencer said sarcastically. “It's absolutely incredible, 1.3 billion people stay nourished using these things.”

Leila clapped to tease him, grinning. “Yay, Spencer! You’re doing it!” Spencer rolled his eyes but smiled, anyway.

Gideon mumbled something back into the phone before ending the call, his face rid of all the joy that was there only thirty seconds ago. “He just took out a cop-killer.” He said, causing everyone to look up and their smiles to fade.

Leila’s mouth opened before she shut it back closed. She let out a deep breath, losing her appetite altogether. The team quickly finished what they could and paid the bill, leaving the restaurant, and headed back to the PD.

After lots of new information, they were able to locate the unsub who was currently inside the most recent victim’s apartment. Gideon had called them to ensure they were safe, but as soon as he heard a gunshot over the phone, the team quickly rushed to the apartment.

Leila geared up, wearing her bulletproof vest as she, Aaron, and Gideon were ready to enter the building. There were police cars and ambulances surrounding the complex, sirens blazing into the air.

The three held their guns up in front of them as they made it to the door, hearing the unsub screaming at the victim’s wife to shut up. Gideon was the first one to walk inside, with Leila and Aaron following. Leila slowly put a hand in front of the wife, backing her away from the unsub and her husband on the floor.

Gideon tried to calm the unsub down, speaking to him to try and get him to release the gun in his hands. Leila’s gun was still pointed at him. “You’re hearing voices, right?” She asked him, trying to get through to him.

“They always lie.” The unsub, Marvin, said. “If he dies, they'll go away.”

Aaron spoke with his fierce gaze set on him. “What do you think, they won't come back? Waverly, Iowa, 1999. A man kills two boys, only to walk away free and kill another one.”

“Stop.” Marvin mumbled.

Gideon continued. “Haskins, Georgia, last year. Three white guys. Three white guys kill a black teenager, just because. Four witnesses see it, the jury finds them not guilty, just because.”

“The first two boys were 14 years old.” Leila added, noticing that it was working. “The third was only 12.”

“Shut up!”

“It doesn't stop.” Leila kept going. “Diallo, Blake, Simpson, T. Cullen Davis.”

“You can't kill fast enough to keep up.” Gideon finished.

Marvin started to cry. “They killed my parents.”

“I know.” Gideon responded.

“I'm so tired.”

“Marvin, listen to me.” Gideon put his hands up, his gun already on the ground long before. “Why don't you just give me the gun, and I promise you, I will get you a place to rest.”

It was only a few seconds but Marvin put the victim onto the ground, beginning to rise up from the floor to give the gun to Gideon. However, at the last second, Aaron shot him.

Leila silently huffed out a breath, looking at Aaron who slowly lowered his gun. He didn’t look at her but called for the ambulance to come up. They heard the medics rushing inside and began to take away both the victim and the unsub, with the wife by the former’s side.

Leila, Aaron, and Gideon walked out of the building, watching as the ambulance took them away. She pursed her lips as she walked towards Elle, Derek, and Spencer. Aaron walked behind her, but he was extremely quiet.

She didn’t have any words to say. She felt her headache return and she silently winced, rubbing her temples. The loud noises of people conversing and the sirens blasting only made it worse.

She turned around to see Aaron’s gaze on the apartment. She tapped him on the shoulder, making him look at her. “I’m ready for that break.” She declared, crossing her arms. Aaron only nodded, but no words seemed to form.

Returning home, her headache seemed to increase. She grabbed her bag and shoved all of her files inside. Though she was taking a break, she knew that the paperwork would have to get done, somehow.

She exited her office and walked over to Aaron’s, who was sitting at his desk filling out more paperwork. She knocked on his door and he muttered a quiet, “come in.” She walked inside, waiting for him to look up.

“Take a week off.” He told her, knowing how difficult it was for her to balance between work and her personal life. “I don’t want to see you here until next Monday. No offense.”

She shrugged, laughing. “None taken. I don’t think I have the energy to see any of you for the time being, anyway.” She turned around to leave, but stopped. “I think you should take a break soon.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “I can’t.”

“Why? Just because you’re the Unit Chief?” Leila asked, shaking her head. “Bullshit, Aaron. You tell me that I’m overworking myself? Look at you.”

“I…” Aaron sighed. “It’s not that easy. There’s too much to be done and I feel selfish for taking a break when I know there’s no actual emergency.”

Leila raised an eyebrow. “So, what? Unit Chief’s don’t deserve breaks unless they have an emergency? That is the stupidest thing I’ve heard.” Aaron stayed quiet but his eyes were still on her. “You deserve to be at home with Haley and Jack. Just because you don’t have an emergency doesn’t mean you can’t take a break.”

When he still didn’t say anything, Leila sighed. Her eyes landed on the photo on his desk, a picture with him, Haley, and Jack.

“I’ll see you in a week, Aaron. Think about it.” She said, before leaving his office and closing the door behind her.

#aaron hotchner fluff #revelations series #angst #fluff #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfiction #criminal minds series #aaron hotchner x bau!reader #aaron hotchner x original female character

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lavathein · 7 months

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About the final in episode 6

"I'm going to be objective. Because I'm a fan of Loki for 10 years, and I've been waiting for a series about him. I didn't ask them to make him like this, I didn't expect this outcome. If you're curious - I was afraid of a romantic storyline, because I thought they wouldn't pull it off. And Season 1 seemed to prove me wrong. I'm in love with this series. I liked all the characters in this series, Sylvie, Mobius... Everyone. And I believed that this season wanted to tell me something. Loki found a friend - Mobius. Loki fell in love with Sylvie, and she with him. It was a good story, and I won't dwell on it. I'll move on to the finale.

Episode 6 season 1:

Loki and Sylvie go to the Citadel at the End of Time to meet with He Who Remains. And here a conflict arises - the resolution of which I've been waiting for 2 years. And not just me...

He Who Remains tells them about the Sacred Timeline and the Problem they cannot avoid. He gives them a choice: either they kill him, or they take his place. I'll remind you, neither of them wants the throne; they wanted to be together on the Timeline and live their lives. Sylvie had this goal long before Loki, and for her, it's not just a goal; it's a very long and tragic path to avenge her ruined life. For Loki, no, he just wants to be happy. Sylvie sees a monster in front of her that needs to be destroyed. Loki sees a trap they skillfully want to lead them into. They are both right. But Loki understands that they can't just walk away, and something terrible may happen. He doesn't know what to choose, but he doesn't like the choice they are given.

They have different thoughts on this matter. Then Sylvie says, 'Kill me and take your throne' - this is important because she immediately makes it clear that she would rather die than leave this person alive. In other words, 'either I kill him, or you (Loki) kill me.' Loki truly loves her, as clearly shown in Season 1, and of course, he has no intention of killing her. And he is sincere when he says, 'I just want you to be okay.' Sylvie loves him just as much, but he is not on her side and also makes it clear that he will not back down. They are in a situation where they cannot resolve it together. Sylvie kisses him goodbye and pushes him away - it's a choice she decides to make so that they don't harm each other even more. It was very powerful, beautiful, and profound in my opinion. Because here's the situation, here they find themselves, and a conflict unfolds."

They don't talk about it in season 2:

And now, what happens next? Loki searches for her, wants to bring her back and seemingly figure out the situation? He fails because Sylvie doesn't understand his motivation - the throne? TVA? Was he deceiving her or genuinely caring or loving? Does she know about it?

I liked how in Season 2, even through the conflict, there were hints that they care about each other. They don't blame each other for the Citadel situation; Sylvie agrees to talk with him, although she could have said 'No, I don't care, go away' - no, she goes, she doesn't like the TVA topic, but when something is in danger, she also goes and helps. And again, they continue to learn something from each other, even without looking at the conflict. These are good moments in Season 2, but really... What is their conflict?

In the misunderstanding of each other and in the fact that each made a difficult choice. But did they do something wrong to each other? No. They can't be enemies. They don't talk about the situation in the Citadel at all. Throughout Season 2. There's a similar situation at the fair, where it's clear that this topic is painful and unpleasant for them. Okay. But they don't talk about it. Never. - Why?

Season 2 finale… what's the point?

Final of the 6th episode. Okay. What's the catch, so to speak? Loki has gone through a very harrowing journey from the finale of Season 1 Episode 6 to the finale of Season 2. What has he realized? He learned to TimeSlipping - as I thought, all of this was part of the plan of He Who Remains. It led to him trapping them and attempting to divide by undermining trust between them. Okay.

What's the problem? The weaving loom is impossible to fix. Either it will defend the One Sacred Timeline, and all branches will have to be pruned and killed, or the Timeline will be free, and at some point, it will start self-destructing. In other words… there's no point in choosing the right thing at all. If he stops Sylvie - He Who Remains will continue doing what he did, but Sylvie will likely die rather than agree to it - a ruined life, continued killing, she just won't be able to forgive it. If she kills He Who Remains, we see what happens - the weaving loom overloads, and ultimately, everyone dies. But… even if they both (Together) come to the conclusion that, yes, He Who Remains needs to be killed - it leads to the same result. In other words, it's impossible to fix it without the sacrifice Loki makes in the end. I want to say - there's just no other way. The situation is hopeless no matter what he chooses, except for the option where he kills Sylvie and leaves everything as it was. But he won't do that because he loves her, and he said that in the Season 1 finale - 'I just want you to be okay.'

Now the question, so what's wrong with the finale of Season 2? It seems logical… NO. Not entirely. In reality… No. They don't talk about their feelings. They don't talk about what happened in the Citadel; they don't… Haven't they reconciled? Haven't they said goodbye? Understand correctly, they show in Season 1 - they fell in love with each other, for them, it's the first time, and it's something real. It breaks reality; it helps them understand many things; they, for the first time, think not only about themselves. Then a conflict arises. Sylvie - 'I just need to kill the monster who ruined my life,' and Loki - 'I just need you to be okay' - In 6 episodes, there was no opportunity to talk about it and reconcile? To understand each other and realize that they weren't lying and genuinely cared about each other? Loki doesn't even have the chance to find out if that kiss was real, and he has to go to sacrifice with this silence? I don't understand this…

Destroying is - Easy:

Okay, let the finale be like that, I agree, it's beautiful, it's tragic, and it's sad, but why should it happen on such a bad note for these two characters who were portrayed as truly in love until now? It's like we're pretending - that this is how we remember what happened in Season 1, and what Loki is doing now seems to respond... But I'm not sure it should have ended like this. And I'm not talking about the characters; I'm talking about the scriptwriting. It's just discarded - an unresolved conflict.

I'm really disappointed with this part. It feels like the writers got scared and went the route of 'We'd rather ruin than fix what happened.' The scene in the Citadel starts to seem like a joke, where Loki can't do anything different, and she, like a bull seeing red, charges at He Who Remains... And then they literally say, 'Sylvie, sorry, but you're getting in the way, disappear somewhere' - What the hell was that? I remembered fans who loved to shout, 'Sylvie is Loki's competitor, just get rid of her' - it's so absurd, as if she doesn't matter... It's like spitting on the previous development and work because what happens to Loki - everything happened to him because of her. What happens in the series, the freed Timeline - it also concerned her. And now one Loki takes it all upon himself? It looks so ugly and weak, honestly. As if you're not even trying to hide that you're just getting rid of the character from the path... When so much could have been made into a very powerful story that would be more beautiful and stronger. I repeat once again - with the same conclusion. But it would have been just BETTER and more fitting in this story.

I'm just saying, for me, Season 2 didn't handle the conflict that Season 1 gave us. You may like Season 1. You may like Season 2. That's okay. But if you look at it as one story, there are so many questions (several thousand) that you still haven't received answers to or just left it - well, it happened, but it led nowhere. I am very saddened because indeed, the 6 episodes look beautiful, seemingly deep, but when you start to analyze it - No, they still messed it up and didn't cope with the task.

#loki #loki series #sylki #sylvie #loki season 2 #loki laufeyson #loki x sylvie #s2 #loki season 1 #loki spoilers #loki season two #loki show #loki finale

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ilynpilled · 1 year

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what do you think of valonqar Jaime? Do you think it's going to happen?

This is going to be very long, and will discuss a lot of things. Sorry in advance. Also do not expect anything truly conclusive either.

To preface: Alright, so I am not big on theory crafting and focusing all my energy on predicting what events will or will not happen. I have many different reasons for this. I think a lot of this fandom expects “endgames” to be all encompassing character defining moments. They want easy answers to questions they have set themselves. Even though this is not at all how this series functions to me. Sure, a death and an ending can speak to a character, but it will not be defining, especially in the cases of the major characters. If that was the case, our main and only takeaway from Ned’s story should be how his failure to play the game got him to lose his head because #thisisnotlikeotherfantasies here the #hero #dies, being the honorable protagonist = death. That is clearly not the only point. It is those of who view this story as nihilistic torture porn that believe this. Its realism, that should never be misunderstood as nihilism, does not set out to deal divine justice to all of its characters based on a concoction of all of their moral choices. Especially the PoV characters. For instance, much of the reason I find the theme of “the heroism lies in the attempt” so profound is because it frames heroism as defined by acts DESPITE of this reality. So on a meta textual level, these characters do not act motivated by receiving rewards from the narrative.

“My own heroes are the dreamers, those men and women who tried to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in small ways or great ones. Some succeeded, some failed, most had mixed results... but it is the effort that's heroic, as I see it. Win or lose, I admire those who fight the good fight.”

This is the thesis conveyed through moments like “No chance, and no choice.”

This fight he is referring is to is the macro, with characters destined to try and enact radical change that truly challenges the very structure of the world that they are inhabiting. But I also think it can be applied to the micro: internal battles. There are so many characters in this series that are battling themselves primarily. George uses the canvas of a feudal society to have his characters carve out their identity in a world of rigid constructs full contradictions. The characters’ heart will always be at conflict with itself, but he aims to achieve the same with the readers’.

I do not think we should expect George to provide us with a completely conclusive answer to what we should take away about some of his ‘protagonists’, or how we should ultimately feel about them. This is why it bothers me that so much of what governs conversations regarding Jaime’s endgame, and the valonqar theory specifically, is the word “redemption”. This need to reduce this complex character and his journey to a word that is essentially a media trope drives me nuts. It always goes on to become an argument of “he is on a journey of redemption” (sure, whatever that means), “no, actually he is on a journey of subverting redemption. the point is that you are being tricked!!!” (ok, feels dismissive), “no, it is a subversion of the subversion!” (ok enough). The way these labels are used all feel like a reductionist idea of an arc. What is “redemption” even supposed to mean here? Why do we expect George to decide this for us and set it in stone? So much of Jaime is about perception, contradictions, and complex moral dilemmas with no easy answers. Why would any part of his endgame or choices of great importance down the line be not that? I think Jaime’s attempts at change, and the decisions he makes in pursuit of redefining his self concept, be it successful or not, should be the ultimate deciding factor for the reader in what they make of him, not just where he ends up (as with most of the characters).

“One of the things I wanted to explore with Jaime, and with so many of the characters, is the whole issue of redemption. When can we be redeemed? Is redemption even possible? I don’t have an answer. But when do we forgive people?” “I don’t know the answer, but these are questions worth thinking about. I want there to be a possibility of redemption for us, because we all do terrible things. We should be able to be forgiven. Because if there is no possibility of redemption, what’s the answer then?” - GRRM

Does not sound very concrete to me. This is an idea that does not even have to extracted from his interviews, it is written all over this series.

"If half of an onion is black with rot, it is a rotten onion. A man is good, or he is evil." - Mel vs “A good act does not wash out the bad, nor a bad act the good. Each should have its own reward. You were a hero and a smuggler." - Stannis

"Most deserve to be forgotten. The heroes will always be remembered. The best." - Loras vs “The best and the worst."..."And a few who were a bit of both.” - Jaime

I also think another reason I avoid putting much effort into forming ideas of what will happen is because I do not really gain that much satisfaction in guessing an event happening. I much prefer to pick apart the event once it happens. Because these events will be complex with a lot of implications. Knowing the “if” or “it” without the “how” and the “why” is whatever to me. Of course so many of the mysteries are fun to address in your head, I’m just hesitant to come to conclusions about them without actually reading how the events play out and are written. Also I think a lot of it is just people being more insistent on just pulling whatever out of symbolism and twisting lines into that of vague foreshadowing rather than looking at the grander structure and what would make sense thematically.

Now that that is over with, I am gonna actually tackle this question. This is gonna be Jaime & Cersei endgame discussion, not just the valonqar.

CW: discussion of abuse, violence, suicide, incest, you know the drill with this topic.

To me, Jaime valonqar certainly leans towards the “how” and “why” rather than the “if”. The main reason I am really leaning towards Jaime is because I really cannot see another as thematically meaningful alternative. I’d personally hate it if it were Loras or some other “little brother” (Aegon, Victarion etc). I think a lot of the parallels that are in the text that are used to argue that Loras is a candidate for instance are primarily there to juxtapose the Tyrells and the Lannisters more than anything. Like I do not know how that would really serve Cersei’s character. After all, that is who this is most relevant to, it would be her conclusion for certain. Tyrion is a red herring for Cersei, which is extremely important. The narrative being in accordance with Cersei’s paranoia about him (she also tends convince herself of it using ableism) would not work for me, sorry. Jaime is very likely, but if it is not him, I would only really accept it to be Cersei herself. Part of it is the desire to not have her death be her being overpowered and killed by an ex. Obviously, I do not know how that would work, the prophecy would have to become less literal. Maybe she poisons herself with the strangler in an act of suicide, as everything collapses around her, as an act of tragic agency and addition to the poetic nature of her downfall being self inflicted. This route makes me think of Ibsen’s (the father of realism in theatre) Hedda Gabler. I see a lot of parallels between these characters, with how their nature, nurture, and the patriarchal systems they inhabit affect them. This play gradually deconstructs Hedda as both a victim and a perpetrator, whose actions are influenced by the patriarchy that suppresses her identity and inner desires, rendering her inhuman. Ibsen comments on the destructive capacity of static social constructs by creating a character that turns into the devil of the story due to a world that ceaselessly strips her of her humanity, very much like Cersei. An essential aspect in making Hedda into a functional character is not removing her agency. Ibsen demonstrates an understanding that being a perpetrator does not negate her victimhood, and vice versa. She still makes choices. It is Hedda’s stubbornness and power hunger that leave her to her ruin in a world that does not allow her the ‘freedom’ or ‘power’ that she desperately desires (again, much like Cersei). This part could become confusing if you are not familiar with the play, but when Lovborg “loses” his manuscript, Hedda knowingly withholds her knowledge of its location in an attempt to control Lovborg’s destiny (gain control over others bc she has no true autonomy as a woman, again, much like Cersei). Lovborg refers to his manuscript as his and Thea’s child, saying that he would rather destroy it than leave it in evil hands. He says to Hedda: “But to kill his child—that is not the worst thing a father can do to it”. By this statement, Ibsen makes a parallel to Hedda’s life and her relationship with her father. Her father abandoned her and sentenced her to the life of a woman in a world that is restrictive and cruel. This has similarities to Cersei’s relationship with Tywin, and how much of a presence he, his conditioning, as well as how he used her in bridal slavery to gain political power, has in her life. Lovborg continues with: “The devil knows into what hands it may have fallen—who may have had their clutches on it.” The devil’s hands in the case of Hedda’s life is the static social contruct of gender. In the same way that the manuscript is trapped in Hedda’s clutches, she is trapped in a patriarchal system. The dramatic irony of Hedda becoming the devil whose hands the transcript has fallen into demonstrates the results of these static social constructs that turn the victim into a perpetrator. A perpetrator that burns the manuscript representing hope in the story and kills her child in the process of freeing herself from the world through suicide. Hedda ultimately kills herself to not let the men in her life rule over her, shape her into what she is not, and not accept her defeat. I acknowledge that there are a lot of problematic aspects in framing a suicide as the only means of escape for Cersei from the patriarchy, but I think it would function well thematically.

I agree that a lot of the intrigue about the prophecy comes down to Cersei misunderstanding it, and it being Jaime would be something she does not see coming, hence it would function very well. But what if she starts to suspect him too?

 “No one knows. We've had no further word of him. The woman may have been the Evenstar's daughter, Lady Brienne." Her. The queen remembered the Maid of Tarth, a huge, ugly, shambling thing who dressed in man's mail. Jaime would never abandon me for such a creature. My raven never reached him, elsewise he would have come.

 Like she is currently overdosing on copium, but what if her character goes down a path of complete paranoia when this fact becomes more of a certainty that she cannot deny? What if her paranoia about the valonqar is what drives her to become her own valonqar? I think that irony would function very well too, especially in a self-fulfilling Oedipus kind of way. As for the pronouns subject, maybe it speaks to the constructs of gender that is such a primary focus in Cersei’s story, and how she always craved to be a man, or at least have what a man does in this society. However my issue with this is the “little brother” part. Truly there has to be some major mental gymnastics done here to make that fit neatly. Maybe there are multiple valonqars contributing to her downfall simultaneously, including Jaime? And they are not physically present to kill her, they are just causing the downfall of her regime, “choking her” with their armies? Maybe the valonqar part was never real, and that is the real tragedy of all of it? Do not want to over-complicate this, so I am leaving it here. Again, requires a lot of mental gymnastics to justify this scenario, which speaks to its unlikelihood.

Thematically, what needs to happen is for their romanticized idea of “one soul in two bodies, going from womb to tomb” to be subverted, because obviously it is a narrative that has been deconstructed and proved to be a belief system they made up to justify themselves and what they gain from the relationship (my post elaborating on it here: link). This subversion can happen with a murder/suicide, Jaime killing her and then living on, Jaime living on and even being potentially destroyed by that decision etc. It can also be subverted by it not happening at all, as in one of them dies alone, tragically reflecting on this very belief, calling attention to their “other half’s” notable absence. So a complete divergence in regards to their characters would also work. I am pretty much okay with literally everything, if it is executed well, except for what happened in the show lmao.

Anyway, if Jaime valonqar happens, it will have to be a very loaded decision. I do not think it will be motivated by angry revenge because of the infidelity, as I do not view Jaime’s anger towards Cersei as exclusively rooted in her infidelity to begin with (plus if that was the case how come he did not do it already). The misogynistic rage is very much present though, I just do not think Jaime would actually resort to murdering someone like Cersei purely motivated by rage as a result of that betrayal, especially in his current state. He makes threats in his head constantly, but like his confrontation with Lancel, they do not come to fruition. "Only a fool makes threats he's not prepared to carry out.” is to me a very ironic line with this man.

However:

"How is Cersei? As beautiful as ever?"

"Radiant." Fickle. "Golden." False as fool's gold. Last night he dreamed he'd found her fucking Moon Boy. He'd killed the fool and smashed his sister's teeth to splinters with his golden hand, just as Gregor Clegane had done to poor Pia. In his dreams Jaime always had two hands (interesting); one was made of gold, but it worked just like the other. "The sooner we are done with Riverrun, the sooner I'll be back at Cersei's side." What Jaime would do then he did not know.

Then two Jaime chapters later:

Ser Ilyn drew a finger across his throat.

"No," said Jaime. "Tommen has lost a brother, and the man he thought of as his father. If I were to kill his mother, he would hate me for it . . . and that sweet little wife of his would find a way to turn that hatred to the benefit of Highgarden."

Ser Ilyn smiled in a way Jaime did not like. An ugly smile. An ugly soul. (very interesting part of the quote, read this wonderful meta about what Ilyn represents and you can come to your conclusions about it: link, not getting into it here)

Of course, taking Jaime’s words at face value is not how it works with him. This goes both ways, good and bad. Jaime is a character that often purposefully deludes himself. That in itself is a major character flaw, but it is different from taking all his words and thoughts at face value. Things that actually bother Jaime tend to be things that he completely represses and forms different narratives in his head for, to cope. The reason he does this is because he feels doubt about them. They are things that actually threaten his view of the world (like the amoral nihilism he justifies himself for having bc contradictions, flawed moral constructs, the impossibility of being a true knight, life being shit, his romanticization of his relationship with cersei etc) and most of this guilt or things he is in denial over he only manages to actually start to confront in dreams, a way of his subconscious mind to communicate with his conscious mind (attraction to Brienne, guilt over Rhaegar’s children, his concern with how he is perceived, the death of his mother, what he and Cersei became.) Before he can confront them consciously, he often does so subconsciously. This applies to his violent anger towards Cersei. The self-deluding can also apply to his attachment to her, that I think is still there, and his reasoning for not killing her is not exclusively what he claims here. If it was, and that is what is stopping him, Tommen is soon to be dead anyway. melrosing’s interpretation also rings true to me though regarding the themes of the futility of vengeance that is so prevalent in ASOIAF, and how a lot of his thoughts of vengeance seem to come to a dead end. It would not make him into a person he is thriving to be, but a person of the likes of The Mountain and Aegon the Unworthy, as he subconsciously points out. His loudly proclaimed future revenge against Vargo Hoat & co. also went nowhere for him (the brutality of what happens to Vargo Hoat kind of disgusts him, in fact, “somehow revenge had lost its savor ”- Jaime III, AFfC). After all, it is not gonna bring his hand back, I fear. Neither would just killing Cersei and closing that relationship make him a good person. Currently, a feeling represented in his actions regarding Cersei’s possible death and the letter is disillusionment. There is an acceptance that she has been spiraling and that their fates are not entwined. There is also an aspect of grief, if you read the snowflake in that one line as a tear. But it is not complete detachment. She is still lingering at the back of his mind in ADwD. Could be argued that this is a force of habit that he manages to push away for the first time, and then chooses to go in a different direction all together, away from her. The point is, Jaime has notably changed. So did Cersei. And so did their relationship. Jaime being so hung up on her cheating currently to me also speaks to his reluctance to face that this relationship was always very broken in its foundation, and that so many of their justifications and acts to sustain it were abhorrent. Jaime’s really has to come to terms with how this reflects on him as an individual.

"The things I do for love," he said with loathing.

"If I'd let kingslaying become a habit, as he liked to say, I could have taken you as my wife for all the world to see. I'm not ashamed of loving you, only of the things I've done to hide it. That boy at Winterfell . . ."

“They fought for half the night . . . well, Cersei fought, and Robert drank. Past midnight, the queen summoned me inside. The king was passed out snoring on the Myrish carpet. I asked my sister if she wanted me to carry him to bed. She told me I should carry her to bed, and shrugged out of her robe. I took her on Raymun Darry's bed after stepping over Robert. If His Grace had woken I would have killed him there and then. He would not have been the first king to die upon my sword . . . but you know that story, don't you?" He slashed at a tree branch, shearing it in half. "As I was fucking her, Cersei cried, 'I want.' I thought that she meant me, but it was the Stark girl that she wanted, maimed or dead." The things I do for love. "It was only by chance that Stark's own men found the girl before me. If I had come on her first . . ." The pockmarks on Ser Ilyn's face were black holes in the torchlight, as dark as Jaime's soul.

There is certainly an awareness in Jaime about the vile things he has done. He has self hatred about it, this to me is clear. He justified it to himself in the name of this relationship. But as he changed, as the relationship was deconstructed, and as he learned of the infidelity (which represents a hole in the illusion he made inside of his head), it fully crumbles. Now he has many more things to reflect.

Also, there is a clear set up of paralleling Cersei with Aerys, doubt that is not building up to something. Do not think this would not play a part in the valonqar situation: “Even in the baleful glow, Cersei had been beautiful to look upon. She'd stood with one hand on her breast, her lips parted, her green eyes shining. She is crying, Jaime had realized, but whether it was from grief or ecstasy he could not have said. The sight had filled him with disquiet, reminding him of Aerys Targaryen and the way a burning would arouse him.”

I also believe that AFfC, the letter burning, them being “effectively estranged” according to George, could be about how their relationship had moved past a point of return, rather than closing completely. Like this does not mean to me that they will no longer hold relevance in each other’s narratives, or that they will not meet ever again. I think the romantic aspect is over, but I also think they will need to ‘conclude’ their relationship in some form and meet again with this change being the new normal. Hence she is still present in his thoughts in the ADwD chapter. Though I very much understand the preference to have that conclusion be him just no longer associating with Cersei anymore, for both of their sake.

“And when your tears have drowned you, the valonqar shall wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you.”

The strangling certainly has very violent implications, but I genuinely have no idea about the logistics of a one handed man wrapping his “hands” around her neck, if we are meant to take that literally. There is the hand of the king chain theory, which has merit (like his offhand threat of strangling Sybell with her seashell necklace when he is angry about Jeyne and her situation), but I think that would require Jaime to be her hand, to make the chain “his”, which I do not see happening at this point considering where their relationship is, unless Jaime tricks her. There is, again, also the strangler (poison), and that could be his weapon of choice. It could also be worded in such a way so the major point of it is the idea of intimate betrayal, with the technicalities holding less relevance, as it is more metaphorical. I also have my gripes with this part of the prophecy, and do have a desire to have it be subverted in some form. People already want her to get a brutal dehumanizing death, if it turns out to be in anyway overly gratifying (really doubt it, but let’s acknowledge that George’s writing of Cersei is not flawless when it comes to this, and Lysa’s death falls under this too) it will leave me pretty bitter.

The issues within their relationship will not be excluded from it though, like it will not JUST be a pure kingslayer 2.0 situation, that I am certain of. Like you cannot extract the history of that relationship from such an act. I also do not really want it just to be a purely heroic mercy kill where we put down the mad woman like old yeller, for very obvious reasons. Anyways, regardless of the circumstances, then we might be left with Jaime and the aftermath, as this will no doubt impact his character if he lives on.

Some people remove the potential of the kingslayer parallel from it by moving it away from KL (and the caches of wildfire) to Casterly Rock. I know of the theory that the twins will die like the Reynes, and that is when the valonqar will come to fruition. Not really sold on it. Read a post that put it similarly: I completely get the thematic appeal of Tywin legacy collapsing upon itself, but I just do not think that holds as much weight character wise for the twins. I don’t think it is as monumental in Jaime and Cersei’s narratives. Jaime actively rejected it, and Cersei’s desires and arc are located at KL, her status as queen and her children dying under the weight of their crowns, so I think it is more fitting for her eventual demise to be there. I just feel that the two of them left the place behind them multiple times with the choices they made, unlike Tyrion who is very fixated on it, and whose character it holds a lot of significance to. Him near destroying it will serve just as well for this idea of Tywin’s own children bringing his legacy to a ruin.

Anyway, what I want for the Lannister siblings is a more of an active role in destroying the Lannister legacy (be it with the intention of doing so or not) rather than just going down in flames with it. I also think a lot of this theory relies on a very literal read of Jaime’s weirwood dream, which is primarily metaphorical and about his conscience anyway, not to mention the way that dream goes does not really fit with it either because JC end up separated in it, as in she leaves/dies before him, at least that is how I read it. It also does not completely rule out the possibility of dying with Cersei after killing her, again it is very open to interpretation in my eyes.

The reason I am hesitant to believe that they will die together is a combination of things, the dream included. I am certain everybody already covered this, but I am putting it in here for the sake of practicality. It will be surface level analysis so bear with me, I just want to speed through it.

“What place is this?” “Your place.” The voice echoed; it was a hundred voices, a thousand, the voices of all the Lannisters since Lann the Clever, who’d lived at the dawn of days. But most of all it was his father’s voice, and beside Lord Tywin stood his sister, pale and beautiful, a torch burning in her hand. Joffrey was there as well, the son they’d made together, and behind them a dozen more dark shapes with golden hair.” “Us? This is your place, Brother. This is your darkness.” Her torch was the only light in the cavern. Her torch was the only light in the world. She turned to go. “Stay with me,” Jaime pleaded. “Don’t leave me here alone.” But they were leaving. “Don’t leave me in the dark!” “The flames will burn so long as you live,” he heard Cersei call. “When they die, so must you.” “Sister!” he shouted. “Stay with me. Stay!” There was no reply but the soft sound of retreating footsteps.”

This segment represents the Lannister legacy. Cersei abandons him to join the Lannisters, all of whom named are dead at this point. She as a character does not attempt to distance herself from the Lannister legacy, and more-so embraces it, because it is the only way she knows she could attain and sustain the power she craves. With Jaime, his relationship is more complicated with it. (Here is some analysis of color symbolism to elaborate on it: link)

“In this light she could almost be a beauty, he thought. In this light she could almost be a knight. Brienne’s sword took flame as well, burning silvery blue. The darkness retreated a little more.”

A new light and a new purpose is made for Jaime. That purpose being Brienne and the example she represents. His character is established to have purpose past his relationship with Cersei. He made Cersei his “maiden”, co-dependently making her his purpose. She was made into an ideal, an ideal that covered up the flaws that the Lannisters represent: power hunger, apathy, exceptionalism, brutality, etc. His story might not end with hers. However, now Brienne is the new ideal. I think the context of these two relationships are very distinct, so I do not think his romanticization of her is the same. I also think how he views Brienne and her ‘pure morality’ will be challenged through LSH, when even she will be placed in situations where she must make choices that bloody her hands. This will probably lead to the more nuanced conclusions on morality and knighthood. Long Night: I am not sure how this will go, how long Cersei will live etc. However, I am fairly certain of Jaime having involvement in the Long Night. The fact that George spends time on him training again as a competent fighter feels like a chekhov’s gun that will have purpose past a LSH confrontation, not to mention the whole Oathkeeper and Widow’s Wail thing for JB. Widow’s Wail, which was just an #edgelord naming by Joff, also feels like a rather ironic name considering valonqar.

Anyway, when we look at the prophetic weirwood dream, a lot of Jaime’s trauma is presented with imagery of the Long Night and fighting The Others. Sure, it is metaphorical for his internal battle, but the packaging is deliberate:

“They were armored all in snow, it seemed to him, and ribbons of mist swirled back from their shoulders. ”

“The shades dismounted from their ghostly horses. When they drew their longswords, it made not a sound. ”

“The fires that ran along the blade were guttering out, and Jaime remembered what Cersei had said. No. Terror closed a hand about his throat. Then his sword went dark, and only Brienne’s burned, as the ghosts came rushing in.”

Another instance from his second ASOS chapter:

In his dreams the dead came burning, gowned in swirling green flames. Jaime danced around them with a golden sword, but for every one he struck down two more arose to take his place.

Same is the case for Brienne’s own dreams and how her trauma is conveyed:

“she dreamed about the men she'd killed. They danced around her, mocking her, pinching at her as she slashed at them with her sword. She cut them all to bloody ribbons, yet still they swarmed around her . . .”

After all, “the night is dark and full of terrors, and so are dreams.”

So yeah, flaming swords are just the tip of the iceberg.

In terms of Jaime’s ending: The weirwood dream certainly hints at him not surviving, but it is also very intentionally open. His ‘prophecy’ certainly feels less set in stone than Cersei’s. Especially with Cersei’s words being plural, with only his flame going out at the end: “the flames will burn so long as you live” “when they die so must you”.

Whether that be literal, as in he falls in the fight against the Others, or metaphorical, that he succumbs to his conscience and self hatred in some way (“ghosts” of his past, the impact of valonqar can be relevant here). The point is that Brienne’s light is still burning. She will carry his legacy, with a next generation of knights. That legacy will be the conclusion of the series’s deconstruction of knighthood, that Brienne carries with her. A conclusion they came to together through their journey. (my metas about it: link, link)

If he lives, I would be fine with him taking the black, or being attached to a duty that he does not desire to serve the realm for the rest of his life as atonement. Wouldn’t be crazy about him living happily ever after on Tarth because I do not think it would fit with the series, nor do I feel like that is necessary for the romance between Jaime and Brienne to be incredibly meaningful and thematically fulfilling.

And that concludes my thoughts. Hope this satisfies you, anon. I am never having another thought again, this took all the energy out of me.

#so glad twow is coming out in like 4 years so i have plenty of time before i find out just how wrong i was #blessed #inb4 george decides to drop it tomorrow #oh no george dont do that id be devastated oh no george oh noo pls george oh no #jaime lannister #cersei lannister #brienne of tarth #asoiaf meta #valyrianscrolls #the hedda gabler analysis was done from my memories from 11th grade so probably not perfect #ask #my opinions #i would also recommend reading my jamlan arc meta post but i already linked so many things here and its so brutally long #reading this answer is the equivalent of homework atp #tried to be as nuanced as possible #for the 3 people that will put themselves through reading all of this

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maddiesnowflake · 3 months

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SHATTER ME TRILOGY REVIEW-

2/5 stars…

Almost every review of this series that I have seen raves about how amazing it is. I have to disagree. For some context, here is the plot summary of book one:

“Juliette hasn’t touched anyone in exactly 264 days.

The last time she did, it was an accident, but The Reestablishment locked her up for murder. No one knows why Juliette’s touch is fatal. As long as she doesn’t hurt anyone else, no one really cares. The world is too busy crumbling to pieces to pay attention to a 17-year-old girl. Diseases are destroying the population, food is hard to find, birds don’t fly anymore, and the clouds are the wrong color.

The Reestablishment said their way was the only way to fix things, so they threw Juliette in a cell. Now so many people are dead that the survivors are whispering war – and The Reestablishment has changed its mind. Maybe Juliette is more than a tortured soul stuffed into a poisonous body. Maybe she’s exactly what they need right now.

Juliette has to make a choice: Be a weapon. Or be a warrior.”

A plot summary for books 2 and 3 really isn’t needed since the storyline is so hopelessly redundant one can barely distinguish each book from the other. Essentially, the main character Juliette is rescued from her prison by the ruggedly handsome Adam Kent. They are taken to a District 13-esque underground base by the comedic relief character, Kenji. A resistance movement against an evil government whose motives are never clearly defined is introduced, a love triangle is formed between Juliette, sexy Adam and bad guy turned good sexy Aaron (who- plot twist- is Adam's long lost brother) , our main character discovers that she’s a super powerful girl boss, she takes down the government, becomes the government….yaddah yaddah yaddah.

My main issue with this book isn’t necessarily the plot. The concept of a person who can’t touch others without killing them is intriguing. The two sexy male characters that are conveniently the only people who can touch her without dying from her powers are obnoxious, but what can we expect from a dystopian YA novel? The thing is, a lot of the issues with this book are issues typically associated with YA novels, and in most books, they can be overlooked. BUT THIS BOOK HAS SOME OF THE WORST WRITING I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE.

The chapters (which vary in length, sometimes 1, 2, 3, or 15 pages long) are fraught with sad attempts at profound metaphors. Allow me to provide you with a few examples:

“Raindrops are my only reminder that clouds have a heartbeat. That I have one, too.”

I've never heard about clouds with a heartbeat, but whatever makes you happy I guess.

“I only know now that the scientists are wrong.

The world is flat.

I know because I was tossed right off the edge and I've been trying to hold on for 17 years. I've been trying to climb back up for 17 years but it's nearly impossible to beat gravity when no one is willing to give you a hand.”

I think we can all agree that this metaphor could've been made without the declaration that the world is flat, but that line will definitely cause the reader to do a double take!

“I am nothing but novocaine. I am numb, a world of nothing, all feeling and emotion gone forever. I am a whisper that never was.”

.....this speaks for itself. or maybe it doesn't speak, since it's novocaine.

“Every butterfly in the world has migrated to my stomach.”

this imagery both disturbs and confuses me

"My eyes are 2 professional pickpockets, stealing everything to store away in my mind."

quick writing lesson: when a number is less than ten, you write it out in word form!! also what. just what.

"They want to delete every point of punctuation in my life from this earth."

“And we are quotation marks, inverted and upside down, clinging to one another at the end of this life sentence. Trapped by lives we did not choose.”

punctuation metaphors are really a theme here. quite possibly the only theme of this series.

"My mouth is sitting on my kneecaps."

"My jaw is dangling from my shoelace."

"My eyelashes trip into my eyebrows; my jaw drops into my lap."

There are so many other normal ways to just say she was surprised! I simply cannot understand the thought process behind these absurd sentences.

"My stomach is a flimsy crepe, my heart is a raging woodpecker, my blood is a river of anxiety."

"I crumble to the floor, folding into myself like a flimsy crepe."

The fact that a crepe metaphor was used at all, let alone twice in one book, is completely bizarre.

[…]his lips his lips his lips are 2 pieces of frustration forged together.”

This pattern of crossing out and repeating phrases is repeated several times throughout each chapter, and it is sooooo irritating.

To conclude, this book series gave me the same vibes as most soap operas: terrible quality, the plot is filled with intrusive twists that make no logical sense, and the characters have about as much depth as a puddle.

I will admit that I was entertained by this series, hence the two stars instead of one. But I was entertained in the same way a train wreck might be entertaining. This series is so bad it's hilarious. The fact that someone wrote this, reread it, thought it was decent, an editor read this, also thought it was decent, and then had it published is so strange to me.

If you are the type of reader who enjoys plots that aren't thought out whatsoever, if you can stomach the cringiest of writing phrases, if you are okay with the most muddled and rushed endings ever, and if you enjoy the most cliche events possible , you may be able to enjoy this series. Or maybe you can enjoy it while seeing it for the ridiculousness it is. However, if you read this and think that you have walked away with some profound and thought provoking quotes like a majority of people on the internet seem to think, please reevaluate. Expand your reading horizons. Try some classic literature. Or something.

anyways this is not as harsh as it sounds, please don't be offended if you are a huge fan, just my opinion. :)

#shatter me #ignite me #book review #unravel me #tahereh mafi #shatter me book review #shatter me review #shatter me slander #book hate #this is kind of a joke #juliette ferrars #adam kent #aaron warner #bad writing #kenji kishimoto

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blinkbones · 16 hours

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Five 1-season series I watched recently, and why I recommend them/liked them:

Lessons in Chemistry

About the trials and tribulations of a woman who both fails and refuses to conform to the expectations of 50s-60s USA. The show is primarily character-driven and works on a rather… somewhat simplified and exagerrated mindset? It took me offguard at first, but was fine once I settled into the groove. My favorite part was, as I later found out, an addition for the show (compared to the book, which I haven’t read) → the neighbor being a black woman fighting for civil rights. There’s that one chunk that mixes the psychological/personal aspect of getting involved with the socio-political reality of asymmetrical struggles and I… loved how clever that was… I’ll be honest, in that the show is mostly a sort of drama/character exploration and the political painting part of it is secondary. But I mean, the drama is good, I bawled my eyes out a bunch of times, and it’s visually compelling. The protagonist reads somewhat as a modern woman dropped into the fifties and her relentlessness is actually refreshing. It’s a power fantasy in that sense – watching someone smart, fully confident in her own abilities, and what she’s worth, and owed… It’s nice. Just so that we’re clear – this show is the one I’m least confident pitching, because it’s odd in many ways and questionable in some – but I really enjoyed it and I won’t lie about that. I thought it was very good on the moment hahahaha

So give it a go if it intrigues you!! and come chat with me about the neighborhood subplots.

Cherry Magic (anime version)

About an unremarkable salaryman who starts being able to read others’ thoughts because he’s a 30 y/o virgin – but really, it’s actually about someone finding both love and confidence in himself. This is so, so sweet. Pretty funny, too. For all the silliness of the premise, the more profound core of the story is very nicely-wrought, it’s painted with a delicate touch and subtle hues. There are aspects of it that I think will hit harder if you are not a child anymore. I think I would have enjoyed it when I was sixteen, but probably not as much as I did being a worn-out adult, lol. I binged it while I was insomniac with dread, and it made me laugh like a teenager. It’s sincerely very fucking great and if you enjoy romances at all you’ll love it.

Scavengers’ Reign

About a handful of scattered space castaways on a beautiful, wonderful and terrifying planet. If you enjoy science-fiction for any reason whatsoever, I can only make this a very ardent recommendation. It has it all: the alien planet, the machines, the creatures, the cast of characters; but also the wonder, and the fear, never too far from one another. This show is a real underrated gem and I am very serious. For you, tumblr, my beloved freakopolis, it also has it all. I won’t say it – but it has what you want. […] This show is so beautiful. The planet’s ecosystem feels tangible and coherent and new and it’s beautiful and frightening most of the time. There’s something of the primordial awe of coming into contact with the intriguing unknown. Did I mention that this is an animated show?? It’s very good visually too.

Andor

About the birth of revolution – accross the galaxies, people getting tired of imperial abuse, and in the hero’s heart and mind. What I loved most was how grounded it was. This isn’t the usual star wars with god-elect heroes with a destiny. It’s about the sorry little bitches who look at their increasingly corrupted world and decide to try to do something about it. Or end up in there by accident. SO, so good. For that only I thought it was a banger. But then there’s everything else!! The worldbuilding (that prison!!)! The practical effects! The janky-looking tech everywhere! The gorgeous sets (the senator’s house HELLO <<33)! Heartwrenching details! An essayist! Not joking it changed my brain chemistry and there’s a bit of text I want to write down on paper for myself.

Machine

Mandatory « I’m sorry for all you bitches that don’t speak French » because I doubt it’ll get translated, or even subbed, anytime soon if at all. But god y’all are missing out. Machine is a freakishly fun take on the figure of the white woman being kickass through « kung-fu » (looked like every technique under the sun to me lol), yknow, Kill Bill-like? It’s also a very, very fun series about freaking Karl Marx and class struggle. Not joking, literally some fighting interspersed with karl marx quotes and also cycling. Again with a show that lays it on thick and, at first, it takes me off-guard, but I go with the flow and then it’s fucking fantastic. Suuuch a coup de coeur for me. Can’t think of a translation for it, but it means that it struck a chord and became a favorite of mine. Also made me realize I was less aware of where dreadlocks discourse is currently at than I thought (topic for a research afternoon for when I can catch a fucking break…) (bc the heroine has them). Et je m’en remets pas de l’influenceur gilet jaune lol, quelle pépite. Very mad that no one around me watched it.

Honorary mention: Jujutsu Kaisen s2

Total banger. You don't need me to recommend it to you.

#lessons in chemistry #machine arte #cherry magic #scavengers reign #andor series #chatterbones #this is basically what i've watched since december esbcdfvjkgb i've been putting off reviews #'reviews' in the loosest sense.... merely my abridged opinion. my onion if you will.

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ww2yaoi · 1 month

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i’m super new to the hbo war shows (i watched them all in the past month kinda new) and i can definitely understand your pov on mota. i watched it first since i’d recently heard about it and the second world war is a special interest of mine, i really enjoyed it. then i went back to the beginning and watched band of brothers. watching that felt like it was something truly profound, it ran so deep. i finished the pacific today and loved how much and how often it makes it’s viewers question their own morals and weaknesses. having watched the previous two series’ now i can understand how you feel about mota lacking something, despite still being a good watch. if i had to pick out of the three band of brothers would be my choice, it touched me in a way that i can’t even quite explain. as ever i’m grateful to folks like you in fandom who want to dig deeper and elaborate on things left unsaid on screen, i really enjoy hearing your thoughts.

- 🌙

welcome to the fandom! I appreciate people taking the time to watch the other shows even when they got into mota first because I think they're so foundational and besides they're just good watches in general. the HBO war community is so important to me and those shows got me through some tough times as a teenager and were really the first "prestige" tv I watched that wowed me and really made me realize what tv could do in terms of storytelling

band of brothers would be my favourite out of the three as well. followed by the pacific then mota. bob is just on another level and honestly I never expected mota to reach those heights anyway. there's a lot about mota I like obviously or I wouldn't be here, but I think it's important to analyze what works and what doesn't and dig deeper into what message it's trying to send and what the dynamics between the characters mean

anyways thank you so much and thanks for listening. like I said it doesn't mean people can't have fun with the show but there needs to be room for analysis and critique as well

thanks for the ask!

#ask #anonymous

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raxistaicho · 1 year

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Faroreswind Buddhism anon

So a while back, user faroreswind answered an anon ask from someone familiar with Buddhism. I thought it’d be interesting to respond to the ask.

Original post here.

Ordinarily I’d reblog it, but the original is ridiculously long, so my reply will also be very long and thus take up enormous space. I’ll also not be replying to everything because a good chunk is just background on Buddhism which is fascinating but not super relevant, because I’m more interested in what the anon has to say about Buddhism as it directly pertains to Three Houses.

And also, a good chunk is just assertions that I’m also not super interested in addressing.

First, just a couple bits of faroreswinds’s reply:

I know myself and other mutuals have stated that the Church in Houses is no representation of the Catholic Church, as others have insisted upon.

Ugh, right. There's not many Catholics in Japan today so the Japanese aren't very familiar with Catholicism!

I'm not saying it's a perfect representation, but the comparisons between the Church of Seiros and Christianity and Catholicism are there to be looked at:

-In ancient times, the creator god was better-known by the people, and in modern times hides from them. (God or His angels used to appear before chosen people quite frequently throughout the Old Testament. This clearly doesn't happen now.)

-The creator god once came down physically, was betrayed and murdered, and their second coming is expected by the faithful. (The general Jesus story)

-Drinking of the blood of a divine figure as a motif for communion with that figure (Rhea's ritual for inducting people into the higher offices of the Church of Seiros bears eerie similarities to the Eucharist)

-A cataclysmic flood in the backstory

-A place of torment in which sins are washed clean

-Tying the two together, a dichotomy of judgement by fire and water.

-Sothis has a very Old Testament-like do not under any circumstances turn the other cheek way of doing things. You gain support with her if you show no mercy to the rogue in Abyss after the mission to fight Kostas.

Now obviously the Church of Seiros isn't the most profound comparison to the Catholic Church, but the similarities are hard to ignore unless you think the Japanese just aren't familiar with Catholics and Christianity, which would... indicate some ignorance of history...

Now, getting to the actual anon post. Yeah, I suspect Anon will never see this, and they probably won't respond even if they do, but I've touched on the Buddhism stuff pretty frequently thanks to Fantasy Invader, so I think it's an interesting subject to tackle anyways.

Churches and “churches” in jrpgs are often just window dressing to add plausibly western details to a plausibly western high fantasy inspired setting,

I would totally agree with you when it comes to examples like Tales of Phantasia, but the Church of Seiros clearly isn't window dressing.

but even if they include crosses and saints and cathedrals the central trappings are very much not western at all and western consumers of japanese products often forget that, especially because japan has a very strong japanizing filter they run almost everything through.

I actually think IntSys is better about this than most series. For instance, the very first game had a very Greek thing going for it (all the Regalia names, Marth's name, the Pegasus Knights, Marth's lack of pants). It took until Awakening to finally get a clear-cut Wutai-like region (I wouldn't count Isaach, since there's a lot of Irishness to it), which is an impressive space of time away from the roots of the series.

Fans tend to dismiss the general plots of Fire Emblem as the cast fighting and killing an evil dragon-god but they forget a single crucial detail to that: the evil at the end reminds the characters that as long as humanity has evil in its hearts and continues to make the same mistakes over and over again, then evil will inevitably return and so the cycle of fighting and hatred will start again.

[Alm, Marth, and Celica] are heroes but they are unable to break the karmic cycle.

That's not that wide a central theme of the series, actually. Medeus and Loptous are the two villains who say that phrase before going down, and they both happen to be (former) Archanean Earth Dragons. Given their shared hatred for humankind and their shared background, it's not at all unusual that it's a philosophy they both hold to, whether through coincidence or not.

In Fire Emblem's specific case, evil doesn't arise again because humans have a cork in their chakras (had to steal a joke from Logicked, lol) but because the old generation (and sometimes even the current generation!) growing complacent and failing and the youth having to correct their failings is a recurring theme in this franchise.

The leaders of Valentia, human and dragon alike, fell to their own decays so Alm and Celica had to take them out and improve the continent, Adrah disassembled the Shield of Seals so Marth had to restore it, ALL the leaders at the start of Mystery of the Emblem fail in various ways, Marth included, the old generation in Genealogy grew corrupt, Sigurd's generation failed to stop them or were party to their failings, and Seliph's had to right the wrongs.

Duty to the people and what it means to fail that charge, leaving the young to take it up anew, is a central theme of this series.

Lastly, "As Long as There is Evil" is a trope. That's how well-known it is. We humans are very aware of our own failings and how we cause trouble for ourselves.

Anon then goes into Fates for a little bit, and I just wanted to correct a point:

Anankos enjoyed both heavenly and earthly pleasures but being steeped in them too long made him decay, make costly mistakes that only made him more angry and paranoid instead of being able to reflect on them, and in the end became a creature of death and violence and discord who could only be released through defeat.

Anon seems to be suggesting that Anankos became a hedonist and grew corrupt through that, but this is absolutely not the case if that was the intended point. Anankos fell to madness through a biological imperative, not by any moral failure on his part or because his chakras were clogged. This is a particularly damning accusation to hurl at his feet since Anankos foresaw his own madness and set up countermeasures against himself in the past. Azura's pendant was created from his dragonstone, and Lost in Thoughts All Alone was written by him to restrain his power.

Houses especially has the basis of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, but Byleth’s personal class Nirvana, confirms also the basis for Silver Snow and the dual themes that would come better if Intsys was a more competent writer:

Byleth gets their Enlightened One class in all routes, though. It's also interesting to question who gives them the title Enlightened One.

Is it an omnipresent narrator who knows Byleth is enlightened? Except that wouldn't make any sense, given Byleth doesn't act very differently or more enlightened after fusing with Sothis. You can still choose to portray them as a dipwad when the opportunities present themselves.

Or maybe it's Rhea calling Byleth the Enlightened One because she thinks she's succeeded and Sothis is coming back any second now? I find the latter more believable.

Long paragraph coming up because there's a lot to unpack:

Byleth starts out in the realm of animals, it’s reflecting by their title of Ashen Demon and their description of being emotionless killing machines before Garreg Mach. They don’t care about much, they only focus on their immediate needs like eating and resting and whats immediately in front of them, they have no curiosity or inner awareness of themselves and their world. It is coming to the monastery that they become exposed to positive influences that put them on the correct path, they learn structure and good morals and to care for others and the game says so.

No. This is such a fractally wrong reading of Byleth's character progression that it's astounding.

So firstly, the point on Byleth starting off in the realm of animals.

Treehouse fucked it up, because of course they did, but during the opening of the game, when Sothis asks what Byleth is, she'll only accept the answer that Byleth is human.

(Source for the first, and for the second)

This is the creator goddess herself, whom fusion to allegedly represents Byleth becoming enlightened, and she's telling Byleth that they're human. As I've said in the past, the central conflict within Byleth is the dichotomy between their human and supernatural aspects, and here Sothis is telling Byleth to accept and embrace their humanity and not claim to be a ghost or an evil god.

The whole point behind Byleth's initial state is that they do care and they do have their own thoughts, but they're rendered supernaturally stoic due to what Rhea did to them and have difficulties expressing themselves or forging bonds with others. When Edelgard is in danger at Kostas's hands, Byleth throws themselves before his axe. When considering the three house leaders, Byleth peers straight through their exteriors and gleans the people they are beneath (contrast this against our lovable bimbo/himbo Shez only noticing the exterior). Byleth expresses curiosity for their students and those around them very early in the story.

Byleth is not a cold individual, heedless of the world around them and only concerned with their immediate biological needs. Indeed, Byleth is an empathic, perceptive, and thoughtful, they just have difficulties expressing it.

And it is not the teachings of the Church of Seiros that helps them improve and open up, but their bonds with their students. The game is explicit about this.

The agarthans were humans who became greedy and waged war on each other to accumulate wealth and power

I have no idea where you're getting this from. Rhea (not exactly the most reliable source...) claims humanity turned their backs on Sothis's teachings and started up wars, but we never learn what they were fighting over, or whether it was even the Agarthans who struck first.

and the goddess Sothis decided to discipline them, but then agarthans proved they were (ironically) acting like beasts by deciding that their greed was more important. They could not stand being contradicted and being told that their acts were wrong.

Sothis flooded all of Fodlan to stop them (it seems like this would have also drowned all the world, but we have no way to be sure of that). Unless literally every human living on the surface of Fodlan were evil and warring against each other, this is a very Sodom and Gomorrah-like case of an extreme over-punishment of mankind's follies.

So they plotted against heaven and chose to condemn themselves to hell (they live underground in the darkness, Shambhala is supposed to be the name of a heavenly paradise but instead they built it underground to continue their evil away from the eyes of heavens)

...No. Shambhala's original purpose is unclear, but what Shambhala became was a last refuge as Sothis drowned the surface of Fodlan beneath the ocean waters. The Agarthans didn't hide there to connive against Sothis in the shadows, they did it to survive. It's essentially a bunker. Lorenz even notes the air inside Shambhala is stale, suggesting it's air-tight to keep the flood waters out.

Edelgard acts out of ignorance like an animal or common beast, her vision cannot see past her own immediate desires and so she acts on that ignorance and her own selfishness.

Oh boy, "Edelgard doesn't know the truth of Fodlan," again, it never gets old! Except it did. Ages ago.

Edelgard's immediate desire is to lock herself in her room eating sweets. Starting a war that tears at her is the opposite of selfishness.

But what condemns her to hell, what turns her into an evil demon instead of remaining a selfish yet innocent animal is that she turns away from many people imploring her to listen to them and that her actions are wrong and that she is causing suffering.

The only person I can think of who implores Edelgard to stop is Dimitri late in Azure Moon. Rhea mostly just declares she'll kill Edelgard in the most gruesome way possible, and Seteth and Claude urge her to surrender at the last moment.

Now Byleth and especially Silver Snow has shown they rose to being qualified by the good influence of the church and its teaching (even if the game doesn’t show much about those teaching but o well)

Right, because the teachings aren't narratively important. The church is a false religion created by Rhea to keep control and peace over Fodlan until she could resurrect Sothis. Byleth is not improved as a person through following the moral teachings of the church, but through connecting to other people, predominantly their students.

But especially, because the realm of asuras and beasts represent laziness, easy temptations, ignorance and immediate gratification opposed to discipline, hard work, introspection, and renunciation, it makes it more significant when byleth decides to sever ties with her when she reveals that she has not been an innocent student but in fact the flame emperor responsible for the many evil deeds along with the cooperation from agarthans.

So essentially, because Edelgard's fallen onto the wrong path and is spreading pain to others, Byleth should abandon and stop her.

So what about Azure Moon, then? Over the time skip, Dimitri has fallen onto the wrong path, abuses Byleth and his former friends at every turn, spreads pain to those around him, and is leading them on a pointless suicide march, yet Byleth is rewarded for staying at his side and trying to help him by eventually getting through to him despite Dimitri demonstrating no signs of response until the very last moment. If abandoning a student on a wrong path is the ideal way, Byleth should also turn on Dimitri and be "punished" if they don't.

The act of renouncing such ties in order to enact justice and follow the correct path is what immediately qualifies Byleth to Nirvana and why they keep their divine traits on every path except Crimson Flower (where in Crimson Flower, killing Rhea, their final and most egregious act of violence against heavenly principles, condemns them to losing their divinity and turning back into the Ashen Demon, they lost themselves to the temptations and ignorance represented by Edelgard,

How is killing Rhea in that context a bad thing? By that point, Rhea's fallen so far into paranoia and madness that she'd rather set Fhirdiad on fire, killing every man, woman, and child living inside it, rather than accept a peaceful surrender.

Also, Byleth does not lose divine favor or whatever by killing Rhea: they are still capable of S-support Sothis (the scene even has a specific provision for Crimson Flower) during which Sothis reaffirms her adoration for Byleth.

Crimson Flower is the only route in which Byleth embraces their humanity, as Sothis told them to in the opening minutes of the game.

safflowers are used to dye the robes of monks but red spiders lilies grow on the banks of the river of the dead).

I think you just accidentallied your sentence there. Also, Safflowers have a positive connotation: Safflowers symbolize “good luck and happiness”. In folklore they were thought to be useful for attracting love or marriage. And what do red spider lillies have to do with Edelgard? Is it because they're a red flower?

Because they are not the Buddha but are close to reaching enlightenment they achieve a very high position in Buddhism, which is staying in the human realm as a guide in order to help others on the correct path as well and is righteous.

Heh, what'd I say about Edelgard detractors stealing our arguments?

This is also why i have many more issues with Shez than I do Byleth actually, maybe Byleth is silent but they have their own path to follow. Shez has no path and I’m not even sure what they are supposed to represent. Their personal class is asura, often clashing with devas and representing lack of reflection and selfishness and gratification and violence like I said before, but I can’t find anything in Shez story that actually says anything about that or their preferences and choices.

It's almost like the Buddhism symbolism has a habit of just being window dressing without much meaning.

Two out of three times they stray from the correct path and Rhea’s death should mean a violation of dharma because the agarthans have won, but I saw nothing in the game about immediate consequences of that violation or the causing of suffering Shez incorrect paths are causing.

That's because they don't win. They might arguably win in Golden Wildfire provided you kill Byleth because then Sothis is dead and Thales lives, but Scarlet Blaze ends with both Rhea and Thales presumed dead, or at the very least badly hurt and with their respective organizations routed and disorganized.

I've said it before, but Thales's plan doesn't end with Rhea's death. It ends with the surface Fodlanders wiped out and Fodlan back under Agarthan control. He doesn't get this in Crimson Flower or Scarlet Blaze.

So yeah, that's my thoughts on the Buddhism symbolism. Again, I don't expect the anon to read this or even reply, but I was interested in responding anyways. Later!

#Fire Emblem Three Houses #fire emblem three hopes #Edelgard von Hresvelg #edelgard positive #edelgard discourse #faroreswinds #buddhism

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ipromiseimawriter · 7 months

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WIP TITLE GAME

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

Tagged by @zahnie - thank you omg!!

From most recently worked on to least (roughly): (I tend to be pretty literal with these for the most part, if they don't already have a title)

destiel fix it fic - draft 2: is what it says on the tin. I will get to chipping at the end of this godforsaken series, so hELP ME. I do have a fancy lil summary though (this could get edited later but y'know!!):

“What are you doing? Dean, no–!” “You asked me to stop you. So I’m stopping you.” ( As promised, the Empty came for Castiel when his soul called. When it sang a happiness so profound that nothing else could possibly contain it. But Dean wasn’t ready to let go – and if you were to ask him, he’d swear he had failed Cas one too many times. So when the time came, he sank right down with him. ) Chuck could’ve called it, really. But there’s no biblical preparation for their journey through the Empty. It’s all up to them, now, while Sam and Jack (and friends) race to undo Chuck’s damage to the world. Alternating POV. 15x18 CODA/Fix-It Fic for end of 15x18/15x19 & beyond [15x20 who is she lmao]

destiel theatre bitches AU: an incredibly self-indulgent AU where Dean and Castiel are professors for a theatre department at a (made-up) small liberal arts school somewhere in Kansas. Cas is a new arrival to the department who's making waves (and suggesting some batshit shows for production), Dean's the gruff and well-loved scene shop head/tech professor who doesn't like his toes getting stepped on (jk yes he does), and they're gonna be soooo normal about it (me when i lie). nearly everyone and their mom is in this AU. we have fun here

Welcome to Purgatory: an original work (longform)! a story inspired by my time interacting with SPN/with other horror-fantasy adjacent medias, some characters I've had for 1000 years, and just - fucking around and finding out. I def tried to NaNoWriMo it before, to no such luck, so I just chip at it on my own time. I've got a running tag for it if you're ever interested! (old summary)

Jules Herrick went missing without a trace in the early nineties, and his hunting partner, Simon Villanova, never saw him again. We jump ahead about twenty-five years and realize why he should’ve stayed missing. Victor and Amelia are two childhood friends separated by time and responsibility, reuniting for what should be a normal road trip under less fortunate circumstances - the death of a mutual friend. However, the trip is quickly derailed by a strange pursuer that sends them on the run, and into action. The people who catch up with them to help are not what they expect. The lives their families have led were kept from the two for safety. But between a rogue demon, its lost hellhound, and a secret organization hunting down the missing man and his cohorts, one question must be asked: What does Jules Herrick want with the end of the world, as they know it?

go catch a sunset (stanford-era dean/the outsiders bullshit): a Stanford-era Dean fic (which has 2 chapters up!) that I sort of use as my lil swimming pool for figuring ideas out? Mostly just speculation and big character thoughts on that very vulnerable time. I'm v much looking forward to introducing both Bobby and Cassie soon, getting some Winchester drama, and picking at those good backstory characters.

mama barracuda (WIP title - eldritch horror type shit): an original work (short story). "There's a monster in the woods, just off the beaten path from Hope's home. She isn't the first to be trapped into position of Keeper for the Barracuda of the Backwoods, but she is the first - in a very long time - to truly understand her. They call her Mama." So essentially - monster collects teeth for her own rotting mouth. Sisyphean effort on the Keeper's part. Symbiotic parasite/mother-daughter type shit. LOTS TO UNPACK.

honorable mention: a bunch of plays and other lil bits that would take me too long to describe <333

tagging: @subtlefires, @disabled-dean , @butchabouttown, @luckshiptoshore , and anyone who wants to play! (this includes all my friends who may see this and go "hey i have wips". give it to me. i want to see it)

#tag game #writing stuff #original work #fanfic #elliot rambles #tagged: zahnie #supernatural #welcome to purgatory

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rebelsofshield · 1 year

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Star Wars Andor: “Rix Road” - Review

Andor concludes its first season with a rousing and emotional finale that cements the series as a franchise classic.

(Yes, yes, I know this is hella late. There were holidays, family events, work intensity, all that stuff. Sometimes life unfortunately must take away from Star Wars.)

The people of Ferrix prepare to lay Maarva Andor to rest in the custom of their people. In the shadows, the Empire readies its trap and Luthen Rael looks to close up loose ends. Everyone knows that Cassian Andor won’t be able to stay away from his mother’s burial, but nobody expects what is about to happen.

For a series as sprawling as this, it’s impressive that so many of Andor’s disparate plot threads are as expertly interwoven into “Rix Road” as they are. Sure, we barely get to see Mon Mothma’s familial struggle on Coruscant, but almost every other supporting and ensemble character sees their arcs organically heading towards an explosive climax on the brick streets of Ferrix. It feels like a proper conclusion to twelve episodes of storytelling while also functioning on its own as a key stepping stone in its title character’s march towards rebellion.

It helps to have the long wake of Cassian’s mistakes at the series’ start so clearly boil over into the tension filled opening of “Rix Road.” The Empire tightens its grip on a people that endangered themselves to protect one of their own, all in order to find a single man that might help in their search for another. That same man, Luthen Rael, and his agents, Cinta Kaz and Vel Sartha, look to kill Cassian to ensure the safety of their own operation. Syril Karn is on planet to get his revenge on the man he sees as having ruined his career. And meanwhile, the people of Ferrix, stuck under the boot of oppression, reach a tipping point.

We open up with several compounding moments of tension. Wilmon Pak constructs a bomb while the holographic ghost of his father looks on. Dedra Meero arrives on Ferrix and prepares to use Maarva Andor’s funeral processions as a trap. Double crosses are planned and schemes are laid out.

It’s to Andor’s credit then that in the long, nail biting lead up to the episode’s climax that it never once loses sight of intimacy and character. Vel and Cinta, even as they prepare for the violence that is sure to follow, finally get a quiet moment of intimacy. Cassian gets to stop by his adoptive father Clem’s own brick to pay his respects in a moment that organically bleeds into a tender flashback of parenthood. Later, Brassos delivers Maarva’s final words to her son, reminding Cassian that Ferrix’s plight is not his fault and that he at his core is a fundamentally good man and that he has the ability to change the galaxy.

Because if there is any point that Andor is trying to make in its finale, it’s that hope and change are absolutely possible and present even in the darkest times, but it requires you to take hold of it. To try. To fight back. In “Rix Road” we see Cassian and his community inspired by two deceased revolutionaries, Nemik (whose manifesto we finally get to hear a bit from) and Maarva herself. After a brilliantly suspenseful funeral procession (not enough has been said about Nicholas Britell’s phenomenal musical score this season), B2EMO projects a giant shining image of Maarva and her final words.

Fiona Shaw, who was a standout from the series’ first episode, delivers an absolutely stirring and impassioned speech. It’s the sort of moment that with lesser writing or direction could’ve easily slipped into something overly sentimental or reductive, but Shaw, Gilroy, and director Benjamin Caron instead spin it into a moment of defiance and inspiration that is undoubtedly moving. There’s also just a certain profound sadness in that it was at the end of the day Cassian who was the unknowing catalyst of Maarva’s shift towards revolution. His actions on Aldhani inspired a woman who inspired his home planet to rise up against their oppressors. For a show that has often been marked by its bleak and naturalistic tone, Maarva’s call to fight for freedom is a passionate and emotionally frank moment of hope.

And that moment of rebellion arrives and it is both cathartic and horrific. Sure, there’s absolutely power and inspiration in seeing the ordinary people of Ferrix fight back against rows of stormtroopers and Imperial security. How can you not cheer as Brassos smashes down an attacker with the brick of Maarva Andor’s ashes? And as wonderful as it is to see the normal people of Ferrix finally fight back against their enemies, there’s a knowing paranoia in the back of our minds that this won’t end well. Resistance is necessary but it’s never easy, especially when you are facing a galaxy spanning Empire. And as the revolt turns to smoke, blaster fire, and chaos, the reality of revolution becomes clear. It’s bloody. Horrific. Necessary.

And Andor has built such a tense narrative landscape that we know very little is off the table. Characters large and small are at risk. It’s a phenomenally directed sequence and the necessary climax that this season of television needed. And even if we don’t lose any principal cast members in the mayhem that unfolds on Rix Road, the possibility is always on the table. This is a down in the trenches, messy reality of warfare and our ensemble aren’t made of magical space samurai or armor glad warrior nomads. They’re just people. Fighting and dying for a better day.

It’s fitting that we don’t see the full aftermath of this revolt, we check in our principal cast members on both sides as they flee the carnage, but we don’t witness what comes of Ferrix. Syril and Dedra Meero have an awkward shakey reunion in a crowded garage. (What a delightfully bizarre and messy pairing these two are.) Cassian bids goodbye to his family and allies as they fly off for a safer, hidden world. (If you didn’t tear up at B2EMO and Cass’s goodbye, then I don’t think you have a soul.)

We instead close the season out with Cassian making a firm decision to end his running. He faces Luthen Rael and lets him know that he is done looking out for himself. He’s accepted death or a life dedicated fighting evil, because what other path could he take at this point. It’s an acknowledgement of reality, but it doesn’t come from a place of fatalism. Instead, we see a Cassian who is prepared to do the selfless thing as far as it will take him. It’s a wonderfully executed conclusion to his seasonal arc.

And in that moment of both decision and indecision, we close out the first season of Andor. Tony Gilroy, the rest of the creative team, and a superb ensemble of performances have made this season truly one of the best Star Wars stories of all time. It’s thoughtful, stirring, and emotionally layered in ways that easily stand alongside franchise classics. It has raised the bar for Star Wars television but also for Disney’s streaming division as a whole. Andor is a reminder that Star Wars is at its best when it isn’t just about itself, but has a story to tell and a reason to tell it. The next two years are going to feel like an eternity.

Score: A+

#Star Wars #Star Wars Andor #review #reviews #Andor

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fatalism-and-villainy · 11 months

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I've been watching Twin Peaks for awhile in my quest to consume the Hannibal Cinematic Universe (i.e. stuff that served as an inspiration for the show in some capacity). I was sick this week and speed-watched the rest of season 2 I had left.

I'm probably in the small minority here, but I actually got more hooked on season 2 than season 1. No, most of it wasn't exactly "good" - the fact that they were grasping for subplots to pad out the rest of the season was pretty apparent - but for some reason I was still more engaged. Aside from "The Skill to Catch a Killer," most of season 1 just kind of failed to land for me - in honestly similar ways to season 2, but I failed to see the former as some kind of masterpiece that the latter fell short of.

I actually think that even though I'd excise parts of it, I enjoyed the Cooper/Annie romance more than most people - when you take out Cooper marveling over her ~childlike wonder~, they have kind of a cute neurodivergent for neurodivergent vibe going on. And I liked the character and I'm frustrated there's not more exploration into her in the revival. The finale was also great - the extended black lodge sequence was just a masterpiece in horror in the way I expect from Lynch - where the scariness comes from how surreal and wrong it all feels.

But yeah, in general, I don't think I love the show much. Possibly Lynch just makes better films than TV, because even in season 1, the subplots felt a bit too extended and stretched too thin. Also it suffered from my bugbear with TV, which is that it felt like a precursor to the bingeable Netflix limited series - that is, it wasn't nearly episodic enough. Hannibal has been my gold standard for a show with an overall arc in which every episode feels contained and like its own artistic statement, and this show fell waaaay short of that. Very ahead of its time (derogatory). I was always curious what Mulholland Drive might look like as a TV series, as Lynch originally planned, but watching this show made me grateful that his wings were clipped in that regard.

Speaking of which - I watched Fire Walk with Me with my best friend, and that film, I absolutely adored. My best friend agreed and said, as the credits were rolling, "That was better than... all of Twin Peaks," and I completely agree. I'm kind of shocked that it was poorly reviewed at the time, because it's one of Lynch's best films for me, right up there with Mulholland Drive. It helps that I was prepared for it to be not a deep dive into the lore, but a character study of Laura Palmer, and in that it's absolutely wonderful. (Though the smattering of cosmic horror and weirdness is also fun and gives it some unique flavour.) Sheryl Lee is absolutely mesmerizing in the main role - her body language and expressiveness is just beautiful and unlike anything I've ever seen.

And the movie honestly made me care about Laura in a way that the characters weeping over her in the show's pilot never did. I was intrigued by the narrative mechanism of a dead girl as the gaping hole in the middle of the narrative, but frankly the way it was done in the show didn't inspire me at all - the premise of a tragic dead girl who was desired by all but understood by none had just been done so many times, and the show, imo, didn't comment on it in a compelling way, narratively or stylistically. But this film, on the other hand, really sold me the narrative of Laura - constrained by forces beyond her control, but still her own distinct person rather than just a symbol; doomed by the narrative but so much more than her death. And the visuals and soundscape of the film just beautifully capture the creepy tension that's so often present in Lynch's work, but also this profound and inescapable melancholy. It's an incredibly visceral movie, but absolutely worth watching.

Right now, I'm three episodes in with The Return (season 3), and I'm... not sure I'm liking that any more than the original show.

I was never sold on the mundane subplots and folksy interludes of the original show, so I was excited for more of a straight-up horror story. But I'm not sure I'm sold on what they're doing with the revival? I think, despite the enthusiastic reviews, that it is falling victim to 21st century TV revival bad habits. My best friend also watched these first few episodes with me, and he commented that Lynch was getting a little carried away with modern special effects technology, and honestly I agree. The Red Room is a great horror setpiece partly BECAUSE of how understated and low-budget it is. It's not elaborate! It's simple design that's rendered uncanny through how familiar its surface-level trappings are to us. Extended sequences of Cooper floating through space and getting engulfed in purple smoke and taken into a weird purple dimension honestly just... feel like they're trying too hard to be out there.

That said, there was a really cool sequence that really relied on visual glitchiness and the stop-motion effect in a way that really mounted the tension in that eerie Lynchian way, and reminded me a lot of the sequences in Inland Empire. One thing I really love about Lynch is the way he explores the concept of simulation, and the horror of cinema itself, and that sequence really captured that feeling for me. So I am interested in what else he does with this series, and in terms of where the plot is heading.

But honestly another problem I'm having with it is that - although I found the more mundane character subplots and soap opera antics of the town in the original series to be tedious - I think that not confining the revival largely to the town itself is a mistake. This revival is making me realize that I actually liked how small stakes the horror story of the original Twin Peaks was - yes, there's an entire eldritch dimension lying alongside the town, but the stakes are mostly confined to how this affects the town and its people. I don't care for the way this revival is stretched out over basically the entire country - it feels, again, like it's falling victim to the 21st century need to make the stakes consistently bigger and bigger, because clearly that's the only way to make people care. The original run of the series was honestly refreshing in that regard, in a way that I didn't even realize as I was watching it. The seemingly larger scale of season 3 just makes it feel kind of emotionally cold to me. As I said, I'm curious about what's going to happen, but I'm not sure I'm going to be very emotionally invested.

Also, as an aside, I don't love the amount of naked women we see alongside clothed men. The big discussion on Lynch is always how much he toes the line between the male gaze and the women's subjectivity being molded via their awareness of, and intentional self-presentation towards, the male gaze. It's a tension that produces an interesting campy effect. But I don't see any of that kind of self-awareness here - the naked women just feel like set dressing, and it's uncomfortable.

#as you can see i have extensive thoughts but #if nothing else let this post be an impassioned recommendation of Fire Walk with Me #alpha watches twin peaks #alpha's watchlog #queue

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natashasfilms · 3 months

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Chapter Ten - The Fisher King: Part 1

Pairing: BAU!Fem!OC x Male!OC , EVENTUAL Aaron Hotchner x BAU!Fem!OC (Like much later)

Series Masterlist

Season 1, Episode 22

Leila's excitement peaked upon learning that she would finally enjoy a long and refreshing break from work. Aaron's decision to grant the entire team two weeks off filled her with anticipation. All she could think about was being able to devote her undivided attention to her family without the burden of a new case weighing on her mind.

As she ensured she had everything she needed from her office packed into her bag, she let out a sigh of relief. Rushing out of her office, she almost accidentally collided with Aaron, who had also just emerged from his own office.

"Hey, ready to leave?" Aaron's bright smile greeted her. It was the happiest Leila had seen him at work, and she couldn't help but feel that this break was the best thing to happen to them in a long time.

"Two weeks with no contact from this place? It's like a dream come true," Leila said giddily as they descended the steps. "And now it sounds like I hate my job."

Aaron chuckled, reaching the last step. "I don't blame you. It's nice to finally have some time away from here." As they approached their cubicles, they noticed Elle and Derek. "Hey, don't knock family. I'm going to get nothing but for the next 336 hours," Aaron remarked.

Derek hummed with a smile on his face. "Good for you."

"Haley's got a list of chores a mile long and I can't wait," Aaron exclaimed excitedly. "The biggest decision I gotta make is what I'm gonna do first."

"I bet she has a thought or two about that as well," Elle responded, sharing a grin of her own.

"Bring it on," Aaron said loudly, walking away from them.

"Bye guys, have fun!" Leila waved goodbye, rushing out the doors.

"Thank you, Grace. Please enjoy the next two weeks off," Leila expressed her gratitude, cradling Jasmine as the little baby babbled happily. "You're the best."

Grace returned her appreciation with a warm smile, gently patting Jasmine's head before bidding them farewell. "You three enjoy your two weeks off. You guys really deserve it."

"You're the sweetest, drive safe!" Leila called out as she watched Grace leave the house. She then looked down at Jasmine, who was still babbling away. "Let's wait for daddy to come home from work, and then we can have lots of fun, okay sweetie?"

A few moments later, Leila heard the garage door open, indicating Zaid was home. As soon as he walked in, Leila rushed over to him, still holding Jasmine. "There's my two gorgeous girls, come here," he greeted warmly, wrapping his arms around Leila, being careful of Jasmine in her arms. "Both mommy and daddy have two weeks off from work, so we're going to make the most out of it, alright Jas?"

When Leila had told Zaid that she was getting two weeks off from the BAU, he didn't hesitate to take some time off from his job as well, wanting to spend as much time with his family as possible. "Mhm, and I know a few ways we can spend it," Leila grinned, giving him a quick peck on the lips. Zaid winked before gently taking Jasmine from her arms, twirling her around as Jasmine giggled joyfully.

After dinner and some playtime with Jasmine and her favorite toys, Leila and Zaid finally settled their baby down for the night. Ensuring she was comfortable, they quietly exited her room. As they left, Zaid playfully grabbed Leila's waist, causing her to squeal a bit too loudly. He quickly covered her mouth with his hand. "Shh, you're going to wake her, honey."

She scoffed, gently pushing him away before turning to face him. "Well, then don't give me a reason to scream."

Realizing what she had just said, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as Zaid began to chuckle, his hands coming up to gently cup her face. "I think you're underestimating me, love," he teased affectionately.

Leila rolled her eyes before Zaid leaned down to capture her lips with his own. He pushed her against the wall, his hands reaching for their own bedroom door before opening it and pushing her inside. Zaid swiftly picked her up, Leila wrapping her legs around his waist as they fell onto the bed.

Their lips continued to move against each other while Zaid tugged at her shirt, his hands moving under it to touch her skin. Leila hummed against his lips as he tugged at his hair. "You gotta be quiet for me, honey. You can do that, can't you?" Zaid muttered against her skin, detaching his lips from hers to move down her neck. She tried to speak but couldn't, her mind focused on the pleasure he was giving her. Instead, she nodded her head. "Good girl," he chuckled, and the two fell into a world of pleasure soon after.

The ringing of the phone in the middle of the night jolted Leila from her slumber. She lay on top of Zaid, his arms encircling her, and her frustration grew as the phone persisted. With a groan, she reluctantly reached out to the nightstand, not bothering to check the Caller ID before answering. "Agent Kade," she mumbled into the phone, trying her hardest not to fall back asleep.

"Agent Kade..." the voice on the other end spoke, but Leila was too tired to register whose voice it was. "You need to focus on what truly matters. There's someone in danger, someone who needs your help. There have been many destroyed relationships in the family, don't get lost in the details. Remember, everything starts at the beginning. Time is of the essence, and the youngest holds the key. You must find a way to save her. Can you do it, Leila? Can you be the hero she needs? Can you finally do what's right?"

Leila furrowed her eyebrows as her eyes shot wide open, sitting up on the bed, still holding the phone against her ear. "Who's speaking? What are you talking about?" The sudden change in Leila's demeanor caused Zaid to become worried, who had awoken after she picked up the phone.

"Save her before it's too late," the voice said once more before the line cut off.

"Who was that?" Zaid asked with concern, his eyes scanning his wife's face.

She looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, shaking her head. "I have no idea."

Leila glanced towards their bedroom door and swiftly rose, hurrying to Jasmine's room, with Zaid close on her heels. Relief flooded her as she laid eyes on her sleeping baby, Leila's fingers instinctively clutching the crib's bars. Zaid approached, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, prompting her to look up at him. "What's going on?" he asked, concern etched in his voice.

She swallowed hard, stealing one last glance at Jasmine before guiding Zaid out of the room. Leaning against the hallway wall, she crossed her arms tightly. "I just got a really strange call. Some guy insisted that I have to find a way to save a 'her.'"

"Her? Which her?" Zaid asked, his eyebrows furrowed with concern.

"That's what I don't know," Leila replied, exhaling heavily and shaking her head. "But there was something else." Zaid nodded, encouraging her to continue. Leila took a shaky breath before speaking. "He said something about a family, Zaid."

His confusion deepened, knitting his eyebrows together. "What do you mean?" he questioned, seeking clarification.

Leila pursed her lips, pinching the bridge of her nose. "He said that there have been many destroyed relationships in the family and proceeded to finish off by asking if I can finally do what's right." As soon as those words left Leila's lips, Zaid's eyes widened in shock. "There's no way, right?"

Zaid shook his head, gently rubbing her back in reassurance. "I'm sure it was just a prank call, honey. Don't worry." Despite his comforting words, Leila couldn't shake off the unease that settled in her mind. Her heart skipped a beat when the phone rang again, causing her to jump in fear. "Hey, it's okay. I'll answer this time, okay?" Zaid offered, his voice calm and soothing as he grabbed the phone. He answered the phone and listened intently to the person on the other end. Nodding in acknowledgment, he glanced over at Leila, who still wore a concerned expression. "Yeah, she's right here," he said into the phone before handing it over to her, silently mouthing that it was Aaron who called.

Leila furrowed her eyebrows, her concern growing as she brought the phone to her ear. "Hey," she answered, waiting for Aaron to speak.

"I just got a call from Derek," Aaron spoke, his voice tense. "The Jamaican police arrested Elle for a suspected murder."

"What?" Leila exclaimed, her voice tinged with shock.

"I honestly thought it was just a stupid prank call, but he called you too?" Leila asked in disbelief. "And now Elle has been arrested. What the hell is going on, Aaron?"

As the two FBI agents were en route to Jamaica to meet with Derek and Elle, they learned that Elle had been framed for a murder. The authorities had discovered a blood trail leading to her room at the resort where she and Derek were vacationing. The victim had been decapitated, making identification impossible thus far. Aaron ensured to bring in bureau lawyers and a crime scene unit as they didn't know what they were dealing with.

"I don't know," Aaron sighed, rubbing his temple. "So much for two weeks off." The two sat across from each other in the jet, grappling with the unfolding situation. Leila was certain that Elle was being framed. It was out of character for her to commit such a crime. "You didn't have to come, you know?" Aaron remarked.

Leila rolled her eyes. "Like hell I wouldn't." Aaron couldn't help but smile, chuckling softly at her response. Leila tilted her head, narrowing her eyes in confusion. "Why are you laughing?" she asked, puzzled by his reaction.

He shook his head, reassuring her that it wasn't bad. "You're a good friend," he affirmed, knowing that she would always stick up for everyone on the team no matter what. "We're all lucky to have someone like you on this team."

Her lips turned up into a smirk, laughing at his response. "Aw, Aaron. Don't get so sappy on me," she teased. "It's not good for your image." The comment made Aaron roll his eyes.

They soon arrived in Jamaica, driving to where Elle was currently detained. Upon meeting up with Derek, he explained everything to them to the best of his ability. Once they arrived at the location, the three of them walked into the room where Elle was being questioned. Aaron presented evidence to the investigator, proving that Elle was not even present when the murder occurred. Reluctantly, the investigator handed over the keys to unlock Elle's handcuffs.

They left the room, and Leila immediately enveloped Elle in a tight hug, relieved to see her freed from the unjust ordeal. "Are you okay, Elle?" Leila asked, gently rubbing her back in comfort.

Elle pulled back slightly to answer, her expression a mixture of confusion and exhaustion. "I don't even know what the hell just happened."

The four of them walked away, ready to depart for Quantico, eager to find out what was going on and who was sending them strange messages.

Once back at Quantico, they were informed that the headless victim's head had been sent to Gideon. The victim, identified as Marty Harris, had been rooming with a man named Frank Giles at the resort. Giles was revealed as the murderer but had fled Jamaica, prompting a search. Meanwhile, the unsettling individual who had called Leila on the phone had been sending cryptic messages to the entire team, repeatedly urging them to save a girl.

"So, clearly we have a psychopath intent on drawing us into his game," Aaron stated, the team gathered in the conference room, attempting to piece everything together.

"Playing with us," Gideon finished, his tone grave.

Elle chimed in with determination. "Then let's return the favor."

"He kept telling us repeatedly to save her. What 'her'?" Derek questioned, his brow furrowed in frustration.

Gideon pondered for a moment. "The items he's sent must be some kind of clues."

"We should put them all up on the board, then," Leila suggested, prompting Aaron to nod in agreement. JJ grabbed a marker to start writing on the board.

"I got a Nellie Fox baseball card from 1963 and I got a head in a box," Jason began.

"I got a rare butterfly in a shadow box," JJ spoke, turning her head towards the team before she turned back around to write the clues onto the board.

"And repeated messages to 'save her,'" Aaron added.

"He called me and said that 'There have been many destroyed relationships in the family,'" Leila retorted, shaking her head, her initial thoughts when she first heard the message gone from her mind. "Whatever that's supposed to mean."

"I got the decapitated body," Elle said, walking back and forth in the room with her arms crossed. "And a nice visit to the Jamaican Police Headquarters."

"Reid called from Nevada," Gideon informed them. "He's on the way back here with a skeleton key and a note he got, too."

"And the guy who called me said, 'The youngest one holds the key,'" Aaron finished off.

Elle raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "That's Reid."

"Okay, but wait a minute. UnSubs, they don't contact us this way," Derek began, shaking his head. "I mean, they might taunt us, dare us to catch them, but they don't drag us into their fantasy."

JJ turned to look at Derek, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion. "Why not?"

"Because they're sexual fantasies," Derek responded, waving his hand. "I mean, taunting us is a show of power, but making us the object is…" he paused, shrugging, before clasping his hands together. "I don't know what the hell that is."

"There's something else about the baseball card," Gideon started to say. "Nellie Fox was one of the stars of the 1959 White Sox. I went to almost every game with my father that year. Fox was my hero." Leila tilted her head, her mouth slightly parted as she tried to comprehend everything. "So is it a coincidence that he sends this to me, or does he know how I feel about him?"

The little story made JJ pause, turning her head back around towards the team when she realized something. "I collected butterflies when I was a little girl. That's how I knew what butterfly was in the box."

Derek tilted his head. "So then he knows us?"

"I got an anonymous message," Aaron said, shooting down the possible idea.

"I got a police raid," Elle added.

"And I got––" Leila paused, her breath catching in her throat for a moment, everyone else in the room staring at her before she continued. "I got a random phone call in the middle of the night. So I guess not."

"But he knew exactly where we were," Derek continued, paying no mind to the sudden hesitation in Leila's voice. She let out a silent breath of relief, but her eyes locked with Gideon's, the older man staring at her as if she was hiding something. She quickly looked away as Derek continued to talk. "Hotel in Jamaica, Gideon at the cabin, Reid in Vegas, you two at your homes."

Suddenly, a certain blonde walked into the room, her expression somber. "He got that from the Bureau computers. Your locations are always logged in there so they can locate you if necessary," Penelope informed them, holding a piece of paper in her hand. The team turned their attention to her, urging her to continue. "And I checked the log. The hacker was definitely in the personnel folders. There were room numbers for the hotel in Jamaica, the address of Gideon's cabin... There's a lot of information in those databases."

Aaron, maintaining his usual stoic demeanor, questioned her. "Have you figured out how he was able to breach the Bureau's computers?"

Penelope swallowed hard, her voice trembling. "I'm still working on that."

The team noticed the tremor in her voice, sensing that she was holding something back, a realization that struck Leila as hypocritical, given that she was doing the same. "Garcia, if you know something…" Aaron prompted, his tone firm.

"No, it's, um…It's just…I…" she stuttered, struggling to articulate her thoughts. "I was playing a game yesterday. An online game."

Gideon raised his head. "A game?"

Penelope quickly interjected to clarify. "Not on the Bureau computers, sir. On my own personal laptop."

Derek sighed, leaning forward. "No, Garcia. No, no, no."

"I don't understand," Aaron said, clearly puzzled. Leila released a breath, realizing the implications. She knew Penelope didn't mean any harm, but she couldn't help but pinch the bridge of her nose.

"Wireless Internet," Derek explained succinctly.

"By wirelessly hooking into the Net here to get online, the hacker could have accessed my computer first, and I have far less protection on my own laptop," Penelope clarified.

"And he could have infiltrated the entire Bureau computer system this way?" Aaron inquired, his brow furrowed and his arms still crossed.

"Yeah, it's possible," Penelope confirmed solemnly.

"Playing a game?" Gideon shrugged, standing up from his seat. "How could you be that stupid? Information, files. You have a responsibility," he said frustratedly, and Leila noticed the hurt on Penelope's face.

"I know, sir. I'm so sorry," Penelope apologized, her voice breaking. The team looked at her with sympathy, but then she spoke again. "But I found him."

"You what?" Elle questioned, disbelief evident in her tone.

"I know who he is, the hacker. His name is Giles. Frank Giles," she rushed out, unfolding the paper in her hand. They all looked at each other as soon as she revealed the name, their eyes widening. "He lives in Arlington, Virginia, four miles from here. I have his address."

Leila stepped forward. "Garcia, you said Giles?" she asked, seeking clarification.

They soon went to Giles' address to apprehend him, only to find him murdered in his room, stabbed with a sword. A chilling note, written in his blood, adorned the wall, stating, 'Here thy quest doth truly begin.'

Searching his room for any clues, they discovered a bag of money on his dresser. They assumed that Giles had carried out the murder of Harris as instructed by the unsub, who, in turn, rewarded him with money. However, the unsub had turned on Giles, ultimately killing him. The unsub continuously left them clues, using language reminiscent of the medieval times.

They found a CD the unsub left for them, watching it once they got back to the BAU. He named them one by one, including pictures of them, making it clear that only the team was to complete the 'quest.' Despite the unsub's instructions to exclude anyone but themselves from the case, Gideon was adamant about holding a press conference.

After the press conference, they continued to sift through the clues. Leila glanced over and noticed that Elle had fallen asleep on the couch. "Someone's really tired," she remarked, her gaze fixed on Elle's sleeping form.

"Can you blame her?" Derek questioned, giving Leila a sympathetic look. "She hasn't slept for thirty-six hours."

Aaron entered the room and immediately noticed Elle asleep on the couch. "Elle?" he called out.

The brunette quickly shot up. "I'm awake."

"I'm sending you home," Aaron told her firmly.

"No," Elle sighed, resisting.

"You need to get some rest, and we won't do anything without you," Aaron reassured her.

"Elle, seriously," Derek spoke up. "We're not any closer than we were. Get out of here. Go home."

"But––"

"It's an order." Aaron gave her a pointed look.

Elle turned to look at Leila, who nodded in agreement. "You need to sleep, Elle. Go home and recharge, you'll feel so much better."

With a defeated breath, Elle stood up from her spot on the couch and walked away with Aaron. Leila, Derek, and Spencer continued to work on the case, but nothing seemed to be coming to mind. Leila's eyes focused on the rows of numbers on the paper the unsub had sent them. The unsub told them that they needed a specific book to decode the message, but they were unsure of which book to use.

Leila ran a hand over her face, massaging her temples as she felt another headache coming on. She stood up from her chair to take a break, letting the team know that she would be back after a few minutes. Exiting the room, she headed towards her office but then noticed Haley with Jack in the stroller sitting in Aaron's office. She was only here because the unsub dropped off a note at their home.

Knocking on the door, she heard a faint "come in" and she walked inside. She gave Haley a warm smile as she hugged her. "You look really tired, Leila. Are you doing okay?"

Leila chuckled, nodding. "This unsub is really kicking our butts right now. We still feel like we're getting nowhere with all of this."

Haley gave her a sympathetic smile, putting a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, you guys will eventually figure this out, just like you always do." Leila returned the smile, but then her eyes moved over to the stroller. "Jack's still asleep. Aaron told us to stay here until it's safe."

"And he made the right call," Leila responded. "I'm going to get back. I just needed a small break from being in that small room."

"Of course, I'll see you later, Leila." Haley waved goodbye as Leila exited Aaron's office. Leila decided to walk to her office and try her best to think of anything that could help.

She sat in her chair, her mind drifting to Elle, who was likely already sleeping in the comfort of her own home by now. She felt a pang of sympathy for her best friend, knowing everything she had endured over the past day, from being arrested to the unsettling games the unsub was playing with them. She was relieved that Elle had finally gone home to get some rest.

Yet, despite this, she couldn't shake off the strange feeling that something was about to happen.

#angst #fluff #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #fanfiction #aaron hotchner fanfiction #criminal minds series #one shot #revelations series #aaron hotchner x bau!reader #aaron hotchner x original female character #original male character #original female character

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