#i just got past the time skip and I’m emoting strongly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yukidragon · 2 years

Note

Have you theorised why Ian cheated? It was long distance when he did so and he called them right away so it looks like he still loved Y/N so do you think it was a drunk thing or more like he for 2 seconds he got the idea in his head that he did want to "satisfy his manhood" since he's only been with one person and immediately regretted it.

I have actually. I’ve mentioned it a couple times in past headcanon posts as my thoughts about it evolved, but I don’t mind going over it again. Heck, your ask is a good excuse to make a post that’s exclusively about the topic of Ian and his relationship with the MC.

For the most part I’m going to speak in general terms for why Ian might have cheated that can apply to all kinds of MCs, and not just my specific version, Alice. Ultimately, I don’t think it mattered what type of person the MC was - Ian cheated for reasons that were entirely his own... and ultimately selfish. I will touch on a few extra headcanons that strictly apply to Ian/Alice’s relationship and how it affects Sunshine in Hell at the end though.

I’ll be posting some artwork that used to be on Jambeebot/Sauce’s public twitter before it went down for some extra tidbits of information, and linking to the official twitter when relevant. As a reminder, please do not repost any private artwork posted on the SnaccPop Studio Patreon. Doing so is harmful to the team and their livelihood. Instead, please consider joining as a patron, contributing to the Something’s Wrong with Sunny Day Jack kickstarter, or just spreading the word about the game to other interested adults.

As a reminder, this series is for Adults Only. Sex is going to be discussed in this post, and there might be a mature image or two for reference.

Also as a heads up, this post will discuss abusive/toxic relationships, past instances of child abuse, SA, and religious trauma. If you are not in the headspace to handle any of these topics, please feel free to give this post a skip.

Obligatory tag for @channydraws and @earthgirlaesthetic before we get started. If you would like to be tagged in the next SDJ headcanon post, please let me know!

First, I want to address the theory that Ian was drunk, blackmailed, or otherwise did not consent to have sex with someone besides MC. Not only do I strongly believe that this is false, as there is evidence to suggest as such, I find this headcanon to be very... uncomfortable, to say the least.

If Ian did not willingly choose to have sex with someone, then he is the victim of SA.

The reason why Ian and MC broke up was because Ian had sex with someone else. If the only reason Ian had sex with someone else was because it was SA, that would mean that MC dumped the victim of SA instead of supporting him after a traumatic incident. MC would have blamed the victim of SA for suffering from SA. Even if we entertain the idea that Ian was too ashamed or didn’t understand it was SA at the time of the breakup, and as such MC had no idea that’s what happened, the victim of SA would have not only gone through the absolute violation that is SA, but lost his greatest source of love and emotional support as a result.

I am not comfortable with that narrative. At all.

Fortunately, it’s very unlikely to be the case, as Ian is taking all responsibility for his actions, as he himself stated in the demo. He did not blame his affair partner for what happened.

I’m going to try anyway. I’ve known you for how long now? I've known that…This is worse than anything we’ve been through. And it’s 100% my fault. But please…Don’t throw me out yet. Even if I deserve it…

There is also an older piece of art by Sauce that isn’t in the game or on the official twitter where Ian confessed to what he had done in a phone call immediately in the aftermath of his affair.

If Ian did not consent to have sex, then this picture changes into something very, very disturbing... well beyond the official warnings given on the subject.

[Romantic, Sexual, Emotional] Themes of manipulation, mind games, sexual consensual coercion, supernatural influence, soft dubious consent, and persuasive seduction.

Fortunately this picture shows Ian as lucid. He is upset and crying over what he did, but there’s no sign that he is in a compromised mental state where he can’t consent to sex.

I understand the reasoning behind making this sort of headcanon. I’ve seen it many times before, where a fan likes a character a lot, but feels uncomfortable towards one or more action that the character has taken. It can create a dissonance in the fan that needs to be resolved, and most often that takes the form of absolving the character of the blame of that questionable action, usually by making it the fault of someone else instead. That way, the character no longer has the trait that makes the fan uncomfortable, and it helps the fan no longer feel guilty for liking the character.

Liking flawed characters is not a sign that there’s anything wrong with you as a person. You can like aspects of a character but still disagree with certain things they’ve done or believed in. You are not tacitly approving of their flawed beliefs or wrongful actions by liking the character.

Everyone is flawed. Everyone has made mistakes. We are all imperfect, because we are all human. This mindset that a character can only be liked if they are absolved of all flaws is not only limiting when it comes to storytelling, it can be damaging, as it makes our own failings feel that much more unforgivable.

Redemption arcs can be pretty underrated, and I think that’s a shame. We shouldn’t be afraid of making mistakes. We should own up to them and learn healthy ways of making amends, or at least how to move on, heal, and grow into a better person.

I believe that Ian’s route in the game is going to be a redemption arc for him. For MC to reach a happy ending with him, Ian will have to truly make amends for betraying their trust. It won’t be easy, but redemption can be a beautiful thing. I eagerly look forward to seeing how Ian will do it and prove that he is truly remorseful and will never make such a mistake again.

Now that we’ve got that sorted, let’s consider the possible reasons why Ian chose to cheat.

First off, let’s start off with the facts that we do know about: Ian and MC are childhood friends who wound up in a relationship. MC was a stable figure in Ian’s life since they were children. The demo touches on a number of memories between them that mean a lot to both Ian and MC, including the afterlife mode.

The two have known each other a long time and know each other fairly well. However, as we’ve seen in the afterlife bonus story, Ian did keep secrets from MC. MC, by contrast, didn’t seem interested in hiding anything. These secrets, particularly whatever it was he hid so desperately under his bed, will probably come out during the game. The only thing we do know is that whatever he’s hiding, it’s not porn, as Sauce tweeted before their twitter was removed.

It’s unlikely that Ian is keeping secrets from MC for malicious reasons. Even when he cheated, he confessed right away rather than tried to hide it. He has a tendency to apologize, which even MC has commented on when describing him.

He was a nerd, and he was silly, and he was VERY apologetically himself, but…What we had was special.

This tendency to apologize and hide parts of himself appear to be the result of an abusive childhood at the hands of his mother. She is someone who not only forces her religious beliefs on her child, but stalks him and tries to control him and his actions.

“...My mom called me.” “Someone gave her our address…Or she might have had one of her friends watching. I don’t know…” “S-She…Uh…She says that…To live with someone out of…Wedlock…I-It’s a sin? And I’m going to hell?” “She said I’m only doing it to…To satisfy…My manhood…” “I-I’m not taking advantage of you by doing this…Am I?”

What’s unfortunate is that even as an adult, even though Ian is aware that what she is “just being mean” to him by planting these doubts in his head and saying such awful things to him, he still listens to her. He didn’t give his mother his new address when he moved, but he still hadn’t blocked her number despite knowing this until MC helped him do so in the episode.

Sadly, I suspect that Ian might have blocked his mother’s number in the past, only to unblock her later. This is purely headcanon on my part, but it’s not uncommon for victims of abuse to block their abuser, only to unblock them in a moment of weakness, especially if the abuser uses their flying monkeys to make the victim feel guilty about blocking them. It would seem that Ian’s mother has plenty of people on her side to do just that if they’re tracking Ian’s movements and reporting back to her about what he’s doing and where he’s going.

This drawing from Sauce’s deleted twitter is presumed by some fans (including myself) to be Ian’s mother. While any art not posted on the official twitter is questionable when it regards to canon, if this is Ian’s mother, and if she’s presumably talking to Ian, then she was verbally abusive and likely insulted Ian’s looks.

Ian was not just abused by his mother over his looks and other reason, but he was bullied by his peers as well.

The only one who seemed to want a friend was the kid who never seemed to have any. That was Ian. Ian wasn’t particularly loud and he didn’t have cool clothes or toys. He just kind of faded into the background. A lot of kids made fun of him.

Years worth of bullying, abuse, and lack of friends would have an effect on Ian. He feels the need to be apologetic and is painfully insecure. He struggles even to accept that MC would want someone like him as a romantic partner, as suggested by pictures like this one.

Scars like these run deep, and it takes a long time to heal. MC is used to comforting and reassuring Ian, as suggested by the afterlife episode. Ian is, in turn, used to relying on MC’s support. MC was the one who would ask Ian’s mother if they could have sleepovers when he was too afraid to do it himself, for example.

Ian has had MC’s support for a long time - since they attended first grade together, which is typically 6-7 years of age in the USA. While we don’t know the exact age of MC and the love interests in the present, it is implied they are all college graduates, which likely puts them in around their early to mid-20s. That’s quite a long time they’ve known each other, no doubt spending a lot of time in each other’s company on a regular basis up until Ian left to study abroad.

When Ian left, he suddenly had to go without his greatest source of love and support in order to pursue his dream of becoming an actor. He had to move across the country where no one knew him and handle everything entirely on his own.

With someone as insecure as Ian, no doubt that possibility was terrifying to him.

However, Ian had gone through a “glow up.” He was no longer that “gross” kid who faded into the background; he was successful and handsome. No doubt he attracted quite a bit of positive attention from his peers, which he probably wasn’t used to.

Back in his hometown, Ian had MC by his side a lot of the time. Anyone who wanted to romantically or sexually peruse him could easily be dismissed with his partner right beside him.

But what about when they’re not around to comfort him? Sure, Ian can call MC when he feels insecure, but they’re not there to hold him when he needs it... or help him blow off steam when he gets horny. Long distance relationships are hard, and they can leave a person feeling very lonely...

What I think happened was that Ian started making friends with people at the school. He was inexperienced with socializing with others due to being bullied, and likely didn’t realize when he was being flirted with unless they were overtly obvious about it. Given his low self-esteem, it would be easy for him to assume they’re just being friendly.

It feels good too. It’s hard for someone with so much insecurity to not want to soak up such positive attention. Chances are Ian wasn’t used to it from so many people who aren’t MC. Suddenly, MC is not unique in liking him or finding him attractive.

MC was always there for Ian, reliable and supportive. Ian knows them very well. Unfortunately, this can also breed complacency, which leads to taking their relationship for granted. By contrast, these new people in his life are different, unfamiliar, and exciting.

Staying in his hometown with the same people all his life, depending on someone else, abused by his mother, Ian likely had his growth stifled in many ways, but now he was taking charge of his life for himself. He was chasing his dream, growing more social, expressing himself more in a place far outside his mother’s reach.

It would be easy to make friends at his new school where so many people his age are interested in pursuing an acting career like he is. From there he could even find those who share some of his other interests, like fashion, video games, and manga. Despite his fears, Ian flourishes in his new environment. He opens up to more people and gets closer to them in a way that he never could with people in his hometown who knew him when he was an awkward child.

What harm would it do to just enjoy having more friends for once? In fact, MC would likely encourage Ian to make friends and spend time with them. He shouldn’t have to be lonely; he should be having fun too. Unfortunately, MC is not there and thus would be unable to see when any of Ian’s new “friends” start crossing lines... or how Ian unintentionally starts crossing them himself.

Ian doesn’t want anyone to know he and MC are sexually active in the afterlife episode. He claims it’s not a secret, but at the same time he worries about MC saying anything. Does he talk about being in a relationship at all? Does he tell people MC is his partner or just his childhood friend?

In my personal headcanon, I want to give Ian the benefit of the doubt on this point and say that he did make it clear to his new school chums that he was in a relationship. Unfortunately, for some people, a committed relationship is just seen as a challenge to overcome, something that adds a bit of spice to the chase, or they simply think cheating is fine as long as the person they’re cheating on never finds out.

What I think happened to Ian was like fable about the frog not realizing the water in the pot is getting hotter until its boiled alive.

It started innocently enough with attention and time spent with people who liked him. There was the occasional flirtatious remark that went over his head, but any overt propositions were turned down. It slowly escalates as Ian makes friends. He gets used to making himself vulnerable with other people besides MC, gets used to touching them, opens up more around them... and likely starts realizing they’re attractive too.

This is when his mother’s abuse would kick in. Those thoughts would hit Ian with guilt like a sack of bricks. Was his “manhood” leading him to sinful thoughts? No, no, it couldn’t be. He is only attracted to MC! He only loves MC! He only wants MC!

But that’s because MC was his only option before, isn’t it?

(Apologies for cropping this picture, but tumblr will nuke my blog from orbit if I showed what Ian and MC are doing on the left side of the image.)

Publicly posted pictures from Sauce’s now deleted tumblr might be questionable when it comes to canon, but I find they can be useful to give insight into general character motivations and for building headcanons. I find it very telling that Ian almost makes it sound like simply being with MC was his second choice when compared to his dreams of stardom...

Ian keeps these new thrilling feelings a secret like the thing hidden underneath his bed. He buries these thoughts, denies he even has them. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean those thoughts go away... especially not when he winds up spending time with the person or persons who spark these feelings in the first place.

Ian might try to avoid them to deny these feelings, but, oh, his avoiding them hurts their feelings, and he doesn’t want to do that! He apologizes, makes it up to them... and gets closer to them in spite of himself.

Things escalate from there. There’s more touching, more closeness, more deep intimate conversations deep into the night... some friendly cuddle time perhaps... Lines are crossed that he either denies were anything but innocent or perhaps he allows himself to believe them that they don’t mean anything even if they seem to mean more... Friends kiss sometimes too, right? The French greet each other with kisses in fact!

The French really know their kisses.

Eventually, one night when Ian is spending time with one of these friends, he finds himself really enjoying their company. He doesn’t feel lonely or miss MC as much. He barely thinks of MC, so distracted by his new exciting friend before him who makes him feel so good...

One thing leads to another. It’s a night of passion, of just feeling good and wanted.

After all, it’s not the first time Ian got swept up in his own pleasure when he was feeling horny. In his sex scene in the afterlife episode, he doesn’t let MC stop giving him a blowjob. First it’s by holding their head and giving puppy dog eyes, then he gets more forceful.

I wanted to look him in the eyes, but when I threatened to stop he only doubled down and gave a solid, deeper thrust. It was almost as if he was trying to remind me what I was to be doing.

Ian knows that he shouldn’t keep going if MC wants to stop, but, as he says...

“I-I’m so sorry I just…this is the first time you’ve gotten this far…and it really does feel good..”

It’s okay if he just apologizes, right? MC always forgives him when he wants things too much. It feels good and he doesn’t want to stop... MC will understand, they always do. They understand each other the most after all...

MC doesn’t even mind being used for sexual gratification after all.

It was like being used. And somewhere in the back of my mind, I didn’t care if he WAS using me.

Because Ian and MC love each other, it’s okay if Ian does what feels good, right? MC would want that for him. They won’t mind if they feel used. They won’t mind blacking out from lack of oxygen as long as he feels good. They won’t mind if he doesn’t reciprocate and gives them pleasure as long as he says how much he loves them and cuddles them afterwards.

They won’t mind if Ian thinks of himself first.

Then the post-nut clarity hits.

Ian might have convinced himself everything up until this point meant nothing when high off of hormones and attention, but after the excitement fades, the person in bed with him isn’t his partner. Maybe they’ll cuddle him, but they won’t say, “I love you.” He doesn’t mean that much to them. They’re not MC.

There’s nothing to justify what Ian did or distract him from the consequences - he cheated. He betrayed his partner for a cheap thrill.

There is no way to soften what Ian did. Even if he might not be religious like his mother, cheating is a sin far, far worse than simply having sex before marriage. It’s one of the big top ten sins!

It’s just like his mother told him - Ian was a sinful man who just wanted to satisfy his manhood with sex.

Ian can’t handle it, any of it. He immediately calls up MC to confess. It’s the only way to fix this. They’ll forgive him, they’ll understand. They forgive his mistakes. They know him. They’ll understand he didn’t mean it. They have to. It’s the only way he can live with himself.

Not even confessing his sins can stop his betrayal from scarring MC and destroying their self-esteem along with their relationship.

In the present, Ian is trying everything he can to get MC to forgive him. Due to MC’s money issues, he likely pays for half (or more) of the rent as a means of making amends for what he did, even if they’re broken up now. MC is a cheapskate who has to rely on cheap thrift store goods and borrowed or stolen clothes from their ex who hurt them.

Maybe that’s why Ian believes that getting a new job, one that likely offers fame and money, will somehow fix what he did. He has money and can buy a lot of video games, systems, and anime merch. His wallet is thick enough for MC to mistake his 8-inch erection for it, which suggests it’s full of money. He seems like he has enough money to spend on apologies too.

What’s worse is that Ian’s betrayal, and maybe even their relationship altogether, did severe damage to MC’s self-esteem.

When Jack shows up, MC resists the idea that they feel love towards him. While they are concerned about what Jack is and whether or not he’s real, they seem more deterred by the feeling that they don’t deserve the attention of someone who loves them.

I don’t feel like I really deserve that kind of attention…You know? It doesn’t feel natural to have somebody just…Ask you to consider that.

MC also doesn’t want to use Jack as an emotional crutch. Perhaps because they felt like they were once used that way by someone...

I feel for him...But something about this is too good. I won’t use him as a bandage, to cover up the feelings I don’t want to feel.

The only romantic relationship MC ever had was with Ian. They are still suffering from heartache by the time Jack shows up. They’ll turn Nick down regardless of whether or not they’ll agree to get in a relationship with Jack.

MC trusted Ian. They loved Ian. They wanted to be with him forever. Then Ian betrayed that promise of forever for a night of cheap lust. Maybe that was enough to destroy MC’s self-esteem to this degree, but I suspect their relationship wasn’t really all that sunny.

But Ian won’t give up. He won’t let MC go so easily. He won’t let them forget him or throw him away. He’ll keep calling them, reminding them of the good times and apologizing for the bad. He won’t let them move on. He’ll do whatever it takes to prove they’re meant to be together...

Ian did a lot of damage to MC. He has a hell of a lot to make up for, and it will take a lot more than just money and fame to fix things.

That’s about it for general theorizing that can apply to all MCs from the clues we’ve been given. I know this post has gotten kind of long, but since we’re on the subject, I’m going to touch on a few headcanons I have that specifically apply to Alice and Ian’s relationship. Just so you know, these headcanons may or may not be tweaked in the future before references appear in Sunshine in Hell.

The relationship between Alice and Ian wasn’t healthy. There were plenty of good times with smiles and love, but there were also problems that only grew more and more toxic as time went on.

Alice has done a lot to please Ian and support him. She felt very bad for the abuse he suffered under his mother and how stifled he was, so she bent over backwards for him, often giving more of herself than was reasonable.

Alice has never done well in front of crowds, but because Ian wanted to be an actor and she wanted to support him, she would participate in plays alongside him. She would help him practice his parts and got good at acting in her own right. Still, her dream was to join the animation industry, but when she struggled under some crappy overly critical art teachers, Ian convinced her to just try for an acting career with him instead.

If it didn’t work out, well, they could just be together.

When Alice dropped out of acting classes after her acting teacher advised her that the only parts she could play were fat, unpleasant characters who were the butt of jokes, it shook up Ian’s confidence as well. He worried he wouldn’t be good enough, or even just good looking enough, even if the teacher praised him in a way that they didn’t with her.

Although Alice felt insecure and ugly, Ian assured her he loved her and that was what counted, not what anyone else thought. Ian didn’t want to give up acting, but he considered it after what happened to her. She didn’t want him to give up on his dream, since she didn’t really want to be an actor to begin with and being on stage with so many people watching her made her feel uncomfortable, but she couldn’t tell him that or he would feel even worse.

Alice did a lot of things that made her uncomfortable for the sake of love.

What didn’t help Alice’s feelings of self worth were all of the husbandos and waifus Ian had. She always acted like they were no big deal, as they were just fictional crushes and she had some of her own while growing up. Unfortunately, she struggled to overlook certain common traits in his choices: large chests, thin waists, and overall conventional good looks.

Alice is chubby, with a pear shaped body that makes her hips and rear much bigger than her chest. No one would ever mistake her for an anime waifu, and she knew it.

It took Alice a while before she could handle getting sexual in their relationship. She suffered from SA as a teenager and had moments where she panicked, especially in certain positions or when being restrained without warning or means of escape.

Ian would feel miserable for triggering her trauma and would apologize profusely for it, blaming himself and thinking the absolute worst of himself. Alice, in turn, would feel guilty for turning something that was supposed to be an expression of love into something awful for the both of them. Moments that should have been just about expressing love physically just made Ian feel like an awful person instead, and she would need to reassure him that he wasn’t. It made her more determined to suppress her trauma and be more proactive when it came to physically intimacy for the sake of their love.

Alice loved Ian, and she was willing to do just about anything for him.

Ian was rough in bed once they got going, and Alice did her best to tolerate it. She focused instead on how flattering and exciting it was that the person she loved desired her to the point that he lost control over himself. She believed that noone else would ever feel this way about her but Ian. What they had was special, irreplaceable. She got better at not freaking out when he took away her control in the heat of passion. She tolerated choking until nearly passing out and the pain that would always come initially when being penetrated.

Neither of them had any point of reference for having sex besides sex education classes, experimenting with each other, and ecchi. In ecchi/hentai, the person on the bottom would almost always be in pain at the start of penetrative sex, particularly during their first time, but would feel good in the end. That was just how sex worked, right? Pain was just an unavoidable price to pay to feel pleasure and express their love physically, right?

Just a quick aside, no, sex is not supposed to be painful unless you want it to be. In that case, it’s BDSM, and it requires a lot of communication as well as safe words to do it in a healthy manner.

Ian never meant for Alice to feel bad. He just loved her so much that he got carried away in the moment, and he was so good at aftercare, which made up for any pain and panic. She adored how sweet he could be afterwards, so loving, kind, and cuddly, so she always reassure him that she was okay... even if she wasn’t really.

Alice learned to complain less and less over the years as she grew up with Ian because he was suffering from so much, and it felt like she had nowhere near as much to complain about. He would feel so miserable if she had a problem and he felt helpless that he could do anything about it. He was dealing with so much, she couldn’t bear to burden him with things that troubled her when he couldn’t handle it, not when he needed her support so badly. She had a big family who loved her and could support her, unlike Ian. Without her, Ian would have no one. He never meant to hurt her, and he always apologized when he did.

That was why, even after being cheated on, Alice tried to forgive Ian.

The woman Ian cheated with was gorgeous, thin, and had big breasts. She was someone who was far more forward and confident when it came to sex, so much more appealing than Alice was, at least in her opinion. She felt pangs of paranoia and jealousy towards this woman’s behavior towards Ian in pictures on their socials and how much he talked about her as well as others even before the affair, but she always managed to talk herself down from suspecting anything seriously. She trusted Ian. What they had was different, real. They knew each other for so long, far more intimately than anyone else. Their love was deeper than anyone could understand, and she believed him when he swore up and down that he only could ever want her romantically or sexually.

It was a mistake. Ian messed up. It’s just how it’s always been - he makes a mistake, apologizes sincerely, reassures Alice he loves her, and she would forgive him. He always has good intentions, he just is clumsy at times, makes mistakes. This was just another mistake.

Besides, it wasn’t like Alice was perfect either. She had a crush on that camp councilor when they were tweens, and it made Ian feel bad because he had been crushing on her while she was gushing about her crush to him, oblivious to his feelings. This was kind of how he felt back then, right? She was just experiencing it from the other side now. Something like this was just a passing fancy. They could recover from this, right? Right?

But they couldn’t. Trust had been broken. All the problems in their relationship that Alice overlooked because she trusted Ian and loved him came in sharp relief, made even worse now by his betrayal.

Alice really did try to make it work, but in the end, she realized, with the help of friends and family, that what she and Ian had wasn’t healthy. They were caught in a toxic cycle of hurt feelings and apologies, clinging to each other for the sake of “love” until their relationship had grown twisted and was slowly destroying both of them.

The hardest thing Alice ever had to do was end the relationship, and even then she cracked under the pressure of Ian’s crying and begging for her not to leave him. She softened it by saying that they were broken up “for now.” Right now things were too painful, too raw. They needed space to focus on themselves as individuals instead of as a couple. If there was any chance of them being together, they needed time apart to heal.

Unfortunately, Alice can’t imagine them getting back together, not when just the thought of Ian hurts like hell.

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #swwsdj #sdj #Headcanon Ramblings #Ask #Sauce-y Art

407 notes · View notes

jiamour · 1 year

Text

💿 now playing: pushin’ n pullin’

povs: 💗-yn, 🖤-js, 💛-rj, 💙-jn, 🧡-mk, 💜-dh, ❤️-jm, 💚-cl

track 21: literally just a rensung fight

guitarist!jisung x reader

album tracklist

a/n: i’m procrastinating here’s whatever this is

tw: past emotional abuse mentioned, cheating, etc. all that kinda stuff, emotional breakdowns, dissociation x 2

word count: 2.8k

music: norman fucking rockwell x 10

all renjun wants is a spark. he wants fireworks to go off when he kisses someone. he wants to open his eyes after and see unadulterated fondness directed back at him. and all he gets is jisung.

jisung’s complicated. no matter how close they are, he’s a million miles away. he’s inconsiderate, detached, a certified deadbeat in the works. but, sometimes he’s so warm. sometimes, he’ll know just what to say, just where to touch, just what to do to make renjun feel wanted. it’ll grab him by the heart strings and pull him along and he can’t help but willing chase after fleeting moments of hope.

love hasn’t been very kind and yet he falls head first too quickly and too strongly without heeding the cautions of unreciprocity. he’s strung along because he cares and he listens and he loves and people like to use and drain and discard. but despite everything, he knows the love he’s looking for is out there. so he still holds hope that some of that love will be directed at him .

just recently, jeno had told him that the first time they kissed mark, marks heart raced so fast he had to sit down on the floor to catch his breath. he got so embarrassed his whole body was hot to the touch and he refused to look at jeno for the rest of the night in the fear he would die of infatuation.

renjun longs for that. he wants someone to love him so much they start to deteriorate physiologically. or maybe just a skip of a heartbeat, he’ll take any amount, he’s never been very picky.

at the moment, his mental ‘love me’ messages are on overdrive. he’s firing them in every direction but somehow they’re managing to swerve around the boy who’s tongue is down his throat.

he’s in jisung’s bed, the comforter tossed messily to the side, jisungs hands running down his body, and he feels gross. he doesn’t want to be here, he doesn’t want to do this. he knows he can just get up and leave any time he wants to but he also doesn’t exactly want it to stop.

it started off good. jisung was more attentive than usual, probably due to the outburst earlier. he wanted to believe it was because he cares but he knew it was just a strategy to avoid talking through any kind of emotional baggage.

the buzz of jisungs phone rings in his ears and he can’t get past the brutal irony that it’s the same as his ex’s. jisung pulls a hand away and renjun watches as he puts in his passcode to unlock his phone for the nth time that night. jisung smiles in a way he’s never smiled at renjun as he types back a response and renjun feels sick. the night started off so well but now he just wants to shower and wash this day off.

“who are you talking to?” renjun asks as nonchalant as he can manage.

“hmm?” jisung bites his bottom lip trying to suppress his smile as he answers, “it’s no one. don’t worry about it.”

alarm bells ring in renjuns head he can hear those exact words in an all to familiar tone “it’s no one.” “you sound crazy.” “stop over reacting.”

jisung drops his phone face down back on the bed and leans back in to kiss renjun. renjun cant even close his eyes, feeling a daze over take him. jisungs phone buzzes once, then twice.

renjuns chest squeezes, he can’t breathe, it hurts, it hurts so bad. he needs this over.

“stop,” renjun mumbles against jisungs lips and when he doesn’t get an immediate reaction he pushes against jisungs chest weakly.

“stop,” he says louder, his breath heavy and uneven. jisung pulls back with a look mixed with concern and confusion.

“you okay?” jisung asks and renjun flops flat on his back so he doesn’t have to look him in the eyes.

“yeah i-“ his voice cracks and he clears his throat, “no. sorry, i just needed to stop.”

“that’s okay,” jisung hums softly like he cares but the continuous buzz of his phone keeps renjun from believing that, “don’t apologize, do you want to talk about it?”

“i just- i don’t know- i feel lightheaded,” renjun says, it’s only partially a lie. he can’t tell the full truth without sounding possessive and crazy, “is it okay if we don’t do anything else tonight?

“yes, of course it is. whatever you want,” jisung answers immediately and moves further away from renjun on the bed, reaching down to the ground to pick up his shirt and pull it over his head, “do you want me to go get you some water? it might help.”

“yes please,” renjun answers, hoping he’s able to sneak in a quick few tears without jisung noticing.

he takes a few deep breathes once jisung leaves the room and stares at the door. he wants to leave but at the same time he doesn’t and it’s all so fucking confusing.

jisungs phone lays face down on the bed beside him. always, always, face down. it annoys the hell of renjun, it’s like a reminder that something is being hidden from him.

he can’t get the picture of a phone being slammed down as soon as he enters a room out of his head. the overtly suspicious “you’re home early”’s. the roll over in bed to grab at a phone as soon as renjun closed his eyes to sleep.

“it’s no one renjun, you’re being crazy,” he can practically hear, his ex’s annoyance pictured behind his eyelids everytime he blinked. “he’s no one, can you even hear yourself right now? do i ever comment on your friendship with chenle? when you’re literally letting him live with you. am i not allowed to have friends now?”

renjun wants to scream, he needs these thoughts out of his head, he needs to stop reliving the same memories over and over again. he needs to see what jisung was laughing about on his phone.

he picks it up and stares at the lock screen that lights up as soon as it registers his face. if he does this, there’s no going back, he’ll be the crazy one again. he’ll be the problem. the phone buzzes with a text notification. renjun takes a deep breath and swipes.

he puts in the passcode he watched jisung use earlier, ‘66666666’. the passcode alone messes with renjuns head, sending too many mixed messages. the length was suspicious but the string of repeating numbers made it seem like he had nothing to hide, or maybe he was just an idiot.

it doesn’t take renjun very long to find exactly what he didn’t want to see.

‘we’re in this together,” fucking bullshit. he feels like an idiot for falling for any of it. it’s embarrassing the way his hands shake and his vision blurs with tears over something that had been so obvious.

renjun takes a deep breath. he wants to smash the screen of the phone on the corner of jisungs bed side table, his knuckles turn white with restraint. he can’t do that. then he’d be the crazy one again, then he’d be the problem. too overbearing, too emotional, too needy, too invasive.

‘jesus fucking christ you’re so fucking needy, do you know how exhausting it is to be with you?’

his chest feels heavy but he can’t stop scrolling through conversations that make him sick to his stomach.

‘i wouldn’t do that to you. you think so little of me. i don’t get it, if i’m so fucking horrible why are you even still here?’

‘you sound so insane right now. genuinely, i think you need to get some help. i’m worried about you.’

‘baby come on you know i love you.”

renjun squeezes his eyes shut, attempting to pull himself out of his head not wanting to spiral back to rock bottom.

‘let it go, holy shit. no wonder you only have one friend who doesn’t even talk to you anymore.’

‘i didn’t mean it. i forgot how sensitive you are.’

‘stop crying, you’re so manipulative.’

‘if you actually believe that, it’s over, for good.’

‘i love you.’

‘you’re actually insane.’

‘what are you doing? is that my phone?’

“is that my phone?”

renjun snaps back into reality. jisung’s standing in the doorway looking confused, a glass of water in one hand and a pack of scooby doo gummies from jeno’s secret supply in the other.

he freezes like a deer in headlights, dropping jisungs phone into his lap. he opens his mouth to explain but he doesn’t make a sound, every word gets caught in his throat and comes out in a pathetic whimper.

“what the fuck?” jisung laughs awkwardly, “that’s like really not cool man.”

jisung enters the room and every step closer leaves renjun shaking with uncertainty.

“i was- i- you-“ he tries. he wants to diffuse this, it’s been a while since he’s felt this unsafe. it’s a carnal fear that leaves him seconds away from puking his guts out onto the floor as he’s viciously torn into by teeth that have an intention to kill.

jisung places the glass of water and pack of gummies on the bed side table and grabs his phone. he looks disgusted but harmless and somehow that makes renjun feel a whole different kind of bad. he’s the gross one, he’s the one in the wrong, he’s the crazy one.

“you were texting and i- you’re seeing other people.” renjuns teeth chatter with the accusation.

“so?”

oh. that one was new.

‘so.’ renjun blinks.

jisungs single word pushes along the gears in his mind until it gets caught between the cogs sending everything up in smoke.

so?

so.

‘so,’ renjun mouths the word to himself and stares back and jisung with hollow eyes.

“this is so fucked up,” jisung sighs, sounding almost sad, which at the moment made absolutely no sense to renjuns malfunctioning mind, “renjun, this is fucked.”

he feels like a child being scolded, shaking and crying while being stood over by someone completely unaffected.

“i’m trying really hard not to freak right now, jesus fucking christ,” jisungs never been meticulous with his words, they’re never thought out or practiced, a stark difference from his ex but it still all feels so sickeningly similar.

“i just-“ renjun cracks, and then stops, he just what? what could possibly keep him from getting ‘broken up’ with?

jisungs waiting for him to finish but he doesn’t know how to- he doesn’t even know why he started in the first place.

“i thought i was clear,” jisung frowns, “i thought we were on the same page.”

‘HOW?’ renjun wants to yell. he doesn’t. he can’t. ‘how can you be that emotionally inept?’

he’s been practically screaming on the top of his lungs how in love he was, how much he wanted this. how could he have been so misunderstood?

“you’re not my boyfriend.” jisung stabs the dagger in, renjun should have been prepared, he had months to prepare for this but it still winds him. “you know that right? i thought i made that clear. i thought-“

jisung goes silent for a second and renjun watches the paced out rise and fall of his chest, “man- i’m trying not to shut down.”

renjun doesn’t understand why his voice sounds so strained but he can tell that he hurt him. and it’s unfair. because why does he get to hurt? why does he get to be upset when he doesn’t even care?

“okay,” jisung breathes out and looks at him with cold eyes, “i want to make this clear. we are not dating. you are not my boyfriend. you will never be my boyfriend. do you understand that?”

renjun nods his head pretending the rejection doesn’t hurt like a vat of ice water being dropped on his head.

“and you cant just go through my phone. what the fuck? even if you were my bo- no actually we’re not even making it a hypothetical because it’s not going to fucking happen. ever.” jisung was staring daggers into his eyes and all he could do was blink and try not to crumble in on himself, “don’t fucking do shit like that. god. this is so fucking fucked.”

“did you-“ renjuns voice is barely about a whisper and cracks so viciously it hurts, “did you not like me at all? even a little bit?”

“no. jesus fuck- no.” he doesn’t even hesitate to answer, “and even if i did- which i don’t- that doesn’t give you the right-“

“god jisung,” renjun struggles, wiping tears away with the back of his hand, “you’re such an asshole.”

renjun hates how angry he feels, he hates how it’s bubbling up inside of him making him feel out of control. the emotional soup in his head make it hard to keep a hold of himself and his temper but he can’t yell then he’s the irrational one. then he’s crazy for being hurt, then it’s all his fault.

“i’m an asshole?” he’s so icy now and it terrifies renjun that he’s been locked out, probably for good this time, “i didn’t do anything wrong.”

jisung speaks like he’s trying to reassure himself, like renjun isn’t even there, “i made it clear what we were. i did nothing-“

“i’m- man- can you-“ jisung takes a couple breaths, trying not to fade away, “get out. i don’t want to do this right now, just get out.”

that shatters all the anger in renjun. he’s back to utter terror, he can’t leave. he can’t. he needs to fix this, he needs to do something.

he knows once he leaves this is over. he’ll be hated, he’ll be crazy, he’ll be just another story to laugh at with friends.

“please,” renjun whispers, “i’m sorry, can we please just talk about this, please.”

“there’s nothing to talk about.”

“no please there is. i get it. i understand. there’s nothing between us! i can be okay with that, i promise. please don’t make me leave. we can fix this.” he pushes himself up to his knees and grabs at jisungs wrists as he begs.

jisung looks down at his hands, he doesn’t pull away, he doesn’t do anything.

“please,” renjun knows he’s probably yelling now, his words barely comprehensible, just the sounds of agony and panic, “don’t do this. i’ll be better, i’ll change, i’ll do whatever you say, i promise, i promise, i promise please-“

his begging ends in a hiccup and he has to stop everything in an attempt to not vomit.

jisung sighs and shakes renjuns hold off, it was so tight it left red imprints.

“hey,” he says softly, and places a hand on renjuns head, stroking his hair gently, “you should have just told me.”

he hates this so much, he hates that he’s so pathetic jisung has to take pity on him, and he can’t help but sob harder.

“when you started to catch feelings and it got too hard for you, you should have told me and we could have called it off early,” jisung removes his hand and renjun already misses it.

“please,” is all he can muster.

jisung pushes the glass of water closer to him, “take some time to calm yourself down, drink some water,” he instructs and renjun nods, taking the glass from the nightstand. his hands shake so vigorously some of the water finds its way onto the bed and floor.

��i’ll leave you alone for a bit to calm down and then i’d like for you to leave,” jisung turns his back on him for what feels like the last time and walks towards the door, not even sparing a glance back as he starts to close it, “and try not to snoop through anything else on your way out, if that’s possible.”

the door clicks shut and renjun breaks down, worse than he has in over a year. he feels all of the progress he’s made recovering from his ex crumbling down. it hurts so fucking bad, all over, it’s an unavoidable pain he couldn’t even hide from.

he sits there and he cries, he wails, his cheeks are streaked in red and snot drips down to his lips. he knows he looks disgusting but he feels disgusting so he doesn’t make a move to fix it. it’s all guttural and too dramatic for a boy he isn’t even dating, but he can’t help it and he cant shut of the alarm bells in his mind telling him his life was over.

“please,” he cries out, to no one. his limbs feel numb and he hears a smash of a glass on the ground, he hadn’t even noticed he dropped it.

“please,” he whispers again, and curls himself into a ball.

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

57 notes · View notes

lilcatdraws · 3 months

Note

Hi, I started liking Joker 1 month ago and I want to know something about him. How old do you think he is, his personality, things like that. (I don't know English very well so I apologize for my mistakes)

Hi anon! Thank you for the ask!

I’d be more than happy to answer your questions. And don’t worry, your English is fine ☺️ Assuming you’re talking about Heath Ledger’s Joker, I can rant about him for hours lmao.

So, starting with his age. When the Dark Knight takes place, I headcanon that he’s 26. Heath Ledger was 27/28 during filming so I wanted him to be around that age but also young enough that it makes his past much more tragic. I’ll get into that in a minute.

His personality is very complex. I like to think he’s an introverted extrovert. He’s clearly very antisocial and wants nothing to do with people but at the same time he likes to put on a show. He’s very dramatic. He has to be in control of everything. In a relationship, he’s the dominant one but is still respectful of his partner. He’d be really possessive over them. In his mind he’s just trying to protect them.

He is extremely smart. He’s always prepared. His backup plans have backup plans. He may be crazy but he’s not stupid.

J is very reserved and closed off. He doesn’t get emotional. People usually only see him bored or angry. This man hasn’t shed any tears in front of anyone since he was a kid. If he does cry, it’s when absolutely no one can see or hear him.

Now, about his past life... That baby got trauma 😭 This is how I headcanon everything went down:

I’m summarizing here because I plan on writing a fic about J’s past life so I don’t want to give too much away 🤫

Anyway, J’s full name is Jack Andrew Napier. He was born in a small town a few hours away from Gotham. His father was an alcoholic that abused both Jack and his wife. Jack had a close relationship with his mother. He wasn’t bad kid. He was actually really shy and quiet. He just had a lot of pent up anger and angst from his home life. He got into fights sometimes and skipped school a lot but other than that he was a nice boy.

I strongly agree with the theory that J was a war veteran. It makes so much sense. His combat skills, knowledge of weapons and strategies, his conversation with Harvey in the hospital, his behavior, etc. etc.

So I headcanon that when he was 18 he enlisted in the army. Then 9/11 happened and he got sent to Afghanistan. That’s when things really started to push him over the edge. He saw so much death and horrible unspeakable things. It just traumatized him further.

He ends up coming home and moving to Gotham to start over. Let’s just say things didn’t go to well. His mental state got worse and he gave himself the scars one night. And that’s when he became the Joker.

I hope this answered your questions! Again, this is just my headcanons. There are hundreds of different theories out there since the Nolanverse Joker origin has never been confirmed. Thanks for the ask! ☺️

#asks #j headcanons #ledger joker #the dark knight #lilcat’s rambles

9 notes · View notes

mhblerrrggg-stabsyou · 1 year

Text

I’m not sure how long this is going to be and it might just be a jumble of words but I don't often feel emotions as strongly as i am right now so in a way I feel it a duty of mine to write them down somewhere. so welcome to my silly little thought and feelings about a silly little booker series. they’ve been out a while but still Spoilers for The Infernal Devices below

I've spent the past two weeks re-reading the infernal devices. it took me a week to read Clockwork Angle, four days to read Clockwork Prince and 3 days to read Clockwork Princess. this post is about the last few chapter of clockwork princess.

The first time I read these book I was in a very difficult place in my life, between running away from my mums house, police investigations going on around me, moving house and some of the worst bullying I experienced at school. These book and the characters within became my escape and the first time I finished the series I sobbed, a mixture of sadness for the characters and the suffering they endured but also, I was saying goodbye to the people who were helping me the most in a time where I needed it. Deciding to re-read them I knew what I was getting into, I knew the sever of the Parabatai connection was coming and it would hurt, I knew Jem as Brother Zachariah was at the final battle, I knew Will died in the epilogue, I knew it was all coming. But it still stung, I still sobbed but in a way this time was worse?

Particularly chapters 14 and 20 - 24.

Chapter 14 - Parabatai. This hurt a lot the first time around. Will in my favourite character as is he probably a lot of peoples reading him going through such a heartbreaking moment as his other half died was hard. Re-reading it knowing what happened to Jem seemed harder.

All these goodbyes is what got me thinking about my past and how they helped me so much because I realized I was going to have to say goodbye again. Goodbye to the characters that meant to most to me in the hardest time of my life, and it stirred up all this emotion I had the first time. I though it wouldn’t hurt as much because I had been here before and read these pages, as I turned each page through I saw crinkles on the page where my tears had hit them 7 years earlier and they were met with new wet spots where I was crying now.

Chapters 20 through 24.

These are about lose and love and saying goodbye, Chapter 23 specifically was the one that hit the hardest for me. Jem coming back to the Institute as Brother Zachariah to say his goodbyes, knowing he lives on in some way but cannot see or love the people he cares most about as he’d like. I think this Chapter feels so much different after reading Ghost of the Shadow Market, The Dark Artifices and Secrets of Blackthorn Hall. Knowing what’s coming for him and Tessa, Knowing they were going to go on without Will but still be thinking about and loving him over 100 years later.

In some ways it hurt a lot less, know what Jem and Tessa went on to become, knowing they had a family, knowing they looked after the Herondales thought generations for their Will, knowing they searched endlessly to find Kit and keep him safe, knowing Will lead a full life dying of old age with the two people he loved most in the world, knowing there are most stories out there that Will and Tess are in together with their children. It hurt less in ways. But then it also hurt so much more.

I was once again reading the goodbyes of characters I hold to dear to my heart who would never know me for they are not of my world. Reading about them and their adventure I almost felt like I were there with them and they were my friends. The first time around they were all I had and that all came flooding back. I didn’t want to say goodbye, I wanted to go with them as they were. But I can’t, I can only skipped ahead several years and be with them once they are grown and with children on their own. Or once they are long gone into dust and shadows.

I felt so much for Will because they first time I read them I was like him, I had built up these walls around me and pushed people away afraid that them being near me or befriending me or loving me would get them mixed in with my life and hurt. This time around I felt some much for him because I to have had my walls fall down around me and now have so much love in my life without fear of it being taken from me.

There is so much more I want to say but I do not have the words for it. I will miss them even though they were never my real friends, I know I can go back to these books are start all over again and re-live that part of their lives with them but I will miss them as though they were my own friends and family that I have lost. I am catastrophically in love with every single one of them.

I cried all over again but instead of alone in my room in the early hours of the morning wondering if I’m stupid for doing so, I had my partner to hug me and tell me my thoughts were not stupid and I was not being silly for crying over these fictional people who would never know me.

Edit: in a way this is a thank you to @cassandraclare , so thank you Cassandra for creating these characters and telling their stories because they mean so much to so many

4 notes · View notes

madraleen · 9 months

Text

Attack on Titan manga Post-Time Skip Overall Thoughts, Part 1: Only Ymir Knows.

I decided to do an overall-thoughts first and then post the commentaries. It kind of turned into an essay, so I split it in two parts. None of it is mean, but it is critical. To be clear: I love Attack on Titan; just thinking about it gets me emotional. This is why I’m writing this- to make peace with my gripes, get it out of my system and watch the anime in peace. These are fairly initial thoughts. It’s been less than a week since I’ve finished the manga (and lost my mind in the process, lol), and it’s such a rich and complex narrative that I’m sure I’ll change my views here and there. Proceed at your own discretion.

To begin with: Few works of fiction have made me so engaged and have made me feel things so strongly and viscerally like Attack on Titan- both parts of it, regardless of my gripes. I consider everything pre-time skip a masterclass in writing. I consider a lot of things post-time skip absolutely great, a lot of them decent, and some of them sloppy.

The ideas presented range from good to great, but the execution of some of those ideas is poor. I don’t think the ending is awful. It’s decent. But decent compared to the brilliance of Part 1 and some of Part 2 is a little insulting for such a body of work; I know it could have been done better; we all do.

I will not touch on Eren in this part. He gets a Part 2 all on his own, because Eren’s handling is my major issue in Part 2. Here are the miscellanea.

My boy Armin: His mind was criminally underutilized. All his strategic genius went out the window. He upped his compassion and pacifistic nature, but the brilliant thinker of Part 1 just wasn’t there. He also never got closure in his story. He never felt like he lived up to Erwin, he tells himself he hates himself, and none of that gets resolved. He never gets a conclusion with Annie either.

Mikasa the world-trotter: How did she get back to Paradis with Eren’s head? How did she manage to establish a life on the very island she betrayed?

Mikasa and Armin, our lords and saviors: It should have made sense, but it felt unearned. Mikasa and Armin were far from central to the story in Part 2. They were part of the ensemble, and suddenly the fate of humanity comes down to Mikasa’s choice and how it relates to Ymir’s love, and Armin’s supposed to save everyone? Great concepts, unbelievably rushed and sloppy execution. These things needed foreshadowing and time to breathe.

My one and only Levi: It’s such a shame that we never got to see flashbacks in his own POV, especially how he got to join the Corps and how he came to be so close to Erwin.

Our Queen Historia: I cannot understand how she became so irrelevant after becoming the Queen.

The ammo conundrum: Unlimited thunder spears and gas. Their running out has been such a prominent, limiting thing in the series, yet it never was an issue when they were fighting on Eren. I’m half-convinced that they just didn’t fly around much, so I’m not sure if this is actually an issue.

No one seems to care about the Hallucigenia creature. No one questions it, questions if it's dead, questions what it is or where it came from. It’s the one thing that causes everything, it’s legendary, IT’S RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES, and yet.

The time paradox: I don’t like wibbly wobbly timey wimey narratives. I don’t like it when characters from the future affect characters from the past and create a time paradox where the past was never different and the outcome was always the same because time exists all at once. I can’t wrap my mind around there not being a starting point. This is 100% a personal preference and I do not hold it against the manga.

All in all I just think it became too complicated for its own good. Too many POVs to do them all justice, too many threads to give them all a payoff, and… well, not enough Eren. Which leads us to Part 2~

#attack on titan #attack on titan manga #attack on titan spoilers #i legit lost my mind and this is how i cope #manga #manga commentary

1 note · View note

cuttinqlines · 3 years

Text

IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR II

(richard ramirez [ahs 1984] x reader | mainly implied xavier plympton x reader)

trigger warning; drug use, toxic relationships, mentions of abuse, toxic characters, xavier is portrayed as a major piece of shit for the first few installments, glorification of a serial killer, knives, etc.

disclaimer: i do not support the real richard ramirez in any way, shape, or form. this is simply based on the fictional version from ahs 1984. no disrespect is intended in any way. please, feel free to click off of the fic if you don’t enjoy this type of content. any hate will be ignored.

word count: 2,467

a/n: sorry this took so long. im a depressed piece of shit lmao.

taglist: @kuollut-talven @felicityofbakerstreet @bitchcraft1398

previous | next

IT HAD ONLY been a few days since your run-in with the self-proclaimed ‘Night Stalker’ yet it felt like years had passed. The memory of the event was constantly running through your mind, seeming to occupy your every thought. It was as if your mind was filled only with visions of dark hair and piercing dark eyes. It had gotten to the point where it was consuming you, distracting you from anything that wasn’t the thought of him. It was impossible to focus. You weren’t exactly sure that you wanted to. The part of you that desperately longed for the dark stranger to reappear and tear you away from your dilapidating life was overtaking you. You had almost wished that you would have given in to his demands that night. Almost. Something had been holding you back that night and something- someone- was still holding you back, tethering you to the place you had grown to despise.

Letting out a sigh, you stared at yourself in front of the bathroom mirror, attempting to shake away the thoughts that continuously plagued you. The ghost of a bruise still showed underneath your eye, barely noticeable with the makeup that you had delicately applied over it. You looked better than you had in the days before, but you still weren’t keen on leaving the confines of the four walls of your bedroom, let alone your apartment. You hadn’t left the house since that night. You were sure everyone thought that you were spiraling- He had probably twisted the story into that narrative. You turned away from the mirror, leaning against the base of the sink. It was time to face the situation at hand. You could already feel the silent judgment of Montana. She had told you so. “Fuck.”

It shouldn’t have mattered that much to you- what everyone thought. It’s not like they had too much room to judge. They were your friends, sort of, but they didn’t rule you. They weren’t the end all be all. Still, you couldn’t help but feel nervous at the thought of facing them. It had been days of voicemails, knocks on the door, and missed phone calls. You had gone ghost. They wouldn’t have expected anything else, though. It wasn’t unlike you to disappear. You were used to disappointing everyone.

After a few more minutes of anxiety and deliberation, you laid out a pretty white line, snorted it down, and got ready to head out the door. At the very least, you could show up to aerobics and casually run into everyone. By the time you got there, you were sure you could figure out how to gloss over all of the problems that kept on appearing.

****

The Aerobics studio hadn’t changed much in your week of absence. The faces of the instructors were still plastered on the walls, yours still included much to your surprise. The chairs strategically placed throughout the lobby were occupied by young adults, laughing at something one of them had said. The ambiance was peaceful and you suddenly wished that you would have shown up for work in the last week. The thought quickly diminished as you thought back to the bruise that had been occupying your face. There was no way you would have shown up with that. You wouldn’t have given him the satisfaction. Stepping up to the front desk, you leaned against the counter lazily.

“Hi. Do you have any classes with vacant spaces open for today, Janice?” You asked the receptionist a bit awkwardly, looking at the wall behind her as you spoke.

The woman looked up, purposefully making direct eye contact. She looked you up and down, judgement written all over her face. “Yes. The instructor position for the class you teach at 6:30, (Y/N). If you want to keep your job, I suggest you get prepared for it and go teach it.”

You couldn’t help but cringe at her tone. The attitude dripped off of it like poison. Truth be told, you had thought that you had already been fired. That is generally what happens after you drop off of the face of the planet for a week. “Right- I’ll just go ahead and get set up to start, then. Thank you.”

“You’re lucky that you showed up today. You’re really pushing it with your delinquent behavior. Shape up or ship out, sweetheart. This is the last time you’re getting exceptions. You’re really lucky that Montana covered your classes for the week. Now, get moving. It’s 6:20. Studio 3.”

Janice hardly gave you time to react, as she stood up and began to push you towards the direction of the studio. Her cold touch caused an unpleasant shiver to shoot through your spine. Your mind instantly drifted to your unwelcome house guest, though the shiver he gave you was not exactly unpleasant- You mentally scolded yourself for obsessing over the ‘Night Stalker’, before practically bursting into the studio.

It felt as if a million eyes landed on you from the moment you opened the door. The never-ending stares seemed to burn holes into your skin. One pair of eyes, in particular, seemed to stare the deepest. Xavier. You flickered your gaze to meet his, the other people in the room disappearing into a sort of tunnel that consumed the sides of your vision. Your heart caught in your chest. You wanted to tear your eyes away, but there was something stopping you. Something about Xavier always seemed to hold you back. His gaze was pleading, an apology seeming to spill out of it.

“(Y/N)! I thought you were going to be out for a while! Xavier said that you were like super sick or something.” Montana’s voice rang out, casually. “So happy you’re here though. Teaching this class has been such a drag.”

At the sound of the young woman’s voice, your head instinctively jerked towards it. You plastered a pained smile onto your face. “Yeah- thanks for covering for me, Montana. I seriously owe you one. Being sick was a major drag. Probably worse than teaching this class of Cyndi Lauper obsessed boys.”

The blonde let out a laugh. “Well, since you’re back, I’ll let you take this one. And maybe take your man out when you’re done. He’s been such a buzzkill lately.”

Montana gave you a wink, patting your shoulder affectionately. With a final wave to you and Xavier, she slipped out the door and disappeared down the hall with a flash of blonde hair. Not wanting to waste any more time, or give Xavier the chance to talk to you, you flicked the boom box on and let the sound of Billy Idol’s voice fill the room.

****

The entirety of the class went by uneventfully. Billy Idol’s soothing tone seemed to temporarily soother your anxiety, making it easier for you to ignore the pained glances that were becoming more and more inescapable. You left the music on as the class drew to a close, turning the volume down to a soft, but audible hum. You didn’t bother to look as everyone made their way to the door. Instead, you moved towards the front of the room, letting yourself face the large windows that looked out towards the city.

You watched as people leaving the last few classes of the evening walked down the sidewalk, off into the night. Some faces were familiar, regulars that always seemed to be in aerobics class. Other faces, unfamiliar and new. They all seemed so happy, as if their lives were perfect. You wished that you could get a taste of that feeling. You continued to admire the citizens of Los Angeles, lost in your thoughts. Then, in a sudden flash, there was a single face that stuck out in the crowd. Unmistakable dark hair and piercing eyes that could have belonged only to the face that you could never forget. You locked eyes with the man, causing a sinister smile to appear on his face. He moved closer to the building. Your heart skipped a beat. He was headed towards the door. Your eyes were still locked with his, nothing could-

“(Y/N)... Can we talk about what happened the other night? Please… I didn’t mean for it to go so far.” Xavier’s voice hit your ears, soft and pleading.

You broke away from the ‘Night Stalker’s’ gaze, slowly turning to face the man that you had once felt so strongly for. You leaned against the windows behind you, pressing your nearly bare back against the cool glass. Xavier took a few steps closer, leaving only a few inches between your faces. You couldn’t help but flinch as he reached out to tenderly touch your face. Hurt flashed across his face briefly, but his hand still gently came into contact with your soft skin. You let your eyes flutter closed and sucked in a sharp breath. “I- I can’t do this,” you whispered, hot tears pricking in the inner corner of your eyes. So many different emotions were running through your body. The urge to run away from him had never been so heightened.

He grazed his thumb gingerly across your jawline, his voice dropping to a whisper. “I’m so sorry, Please. I just wanted it so badly and I thought that was the only way. And I didn’t want anyone to find out. The way you looked at me when you did- I lost it. I thought you would tell everyone. I thought you would leave me. I’m so sorry.”

You had yet to respond to him when a cutting voice interrupted the scene unfolding before you. “Well, well, well. What do we have here?” The deep voice questioned, sinister laughter etched into his tone.

“N-?” You began, eyes flickering open. You met the dark haired man’s eyes, looking directly past Xavier. He was already staring at you intensely, the usual smirk plastered on his face.

“Richard.” He corrected, moving his eyes from you to the other man in your company. Xavier had moved away from you by this point, looking at Richard with a suspicious glare. Richard simply continued to smirk at him, looking more and more devilish as time passed. “My little angel, didn’t expect to see you so soon. What a pleasant surprise.”

“Okay. Who the fuck are you?” Xavier demanded, his hand wrapping around your forearm in a protective manner. You instinctively recoiled to his touch. You shifted your weight from one foot to another, watching as the two began to go back and forth.

“I’m the devil’s favorite prodigy. It’s more like ‘who the fuck are you?’” The other man taunted. His eyes locked on the contact point of yours and Xavier’s skin. An unreadable emotion flashed across his face, but was quickly replaced with his usual infuriating smirk. “I’ve decided I’m here to collect her. Truth be told, it wasn’t originally in my master and I’s plan, but it seems like I stumbled in at the perfect time, with you harassing my girl.”

“Your-? (Y/N), are you fucking this guy? We get into one fight and you’re off giving it out to this creep?” The blonde questioned, his tone demanding and incredulous. His voice rose with every word that he spoke. He was red in the face by this point. You could tell by the clench in his jaw and the way his hand tightened around you that he was angry. The smug expression of Richard definitely wasn’t helping his reaction either.

You tried to ignore the fear that had begun to creep into the back of your mind, your mind flashing back to his closed fist accidentally ramming into your face. You looked up at him with your tear stained face. Words were failing you. You didn’t exactly want to say that Richard had broken into your house, pinned you against a wall, and sparked something inside of you that made you feel so many fucked up things. Was it really more fucked up than what you felt about Xavier after everything that he had done? You weren’t so sure any more. Xavier seemed to take your silence and lack of denial as a ‘yes’ to his questions. Disgust took over his face, his hand tossing your arm away as if it had suddenly turned into some sort of cursed object.

He scoffed at you, shoving you away from his body. “I can’t believe you would do this to me. Maybe you deserved that.” He spat out venomously, angrily gesturing to the hardly hidden bruise underneath your eye.

You flinched as his hand raised. Something seemed to click into place for the dark haired man as he watched the two of you, your reaction triggering the darkest part of him. You hardly had time to react further, before Richard was in front of you. His left arm pressed back against your body, gently shoving you behind him. His right hand was adorned with his blade, ready to slash at the man before him. “You did that to her? For your sake, I hope you say no. I’d hate to have to kill you right here. It would really throw a wrench into the master’s plans and we both hate that.”

Your hand reached out slowly, tugging on the edge of this sleeve, beckoning his eyes to meet your eyes. He complied, looking over his shoulder quickly. You shook your head at him, a silent plea for him to drop it. He was already acting psychotic enough to have the police called on him and you were sure that would be the last thing that he wanted. He looked back to Xavier, who was staring at him incredulously. “Get the fuck out of here or die,” The dark haired man spat out.

Xavier gave you a pointed look, before shoving past the both of you and storming out of the studio. You knew he would show up at your apartment later, demanding explanations for the psychotic interaction that just went down. You would figure out a way to avoid that later. For now, your full attention was on Richard. He turned towards you, dark eyes studying the every feature on your face. His hand hovered over the side of your neck, before gently pushing your hair to the side. His fingers softly trailed down the side of your throat, traveling down your chest. Like a phantom, they grazed the length of your body, sending a shiver down your spine. Your heart skipped a beat in your chest. You softly bit down on your bottom lip, eyes staring straight into his. “You’re mine now, little angel. I’ll kill for you. I’ll die for you. But you have to be mine forever- That’s the catch. Will you sell your soul to the devil?”

“I will.”

#ahs 1984 #ahs fanfiction #ahs x reader #richard ramirez #richard ramirez x reader #night stalker #In The Midnight Hour #american horror 1984 #xavier plympton #xavier x reader

261 notes · View notes

castthy-nightedcolour · 3 years

Text

One- Shot: The Seaside Dream (written as part of my series ‘don’t worry about a thing’ on AO3, link can be found at the bottom of the post as it won’t let me embed it)

Fandom: Good Omens

Characters: GN Reader, Aziraphale, Crowley

Warnings and Tags: depression, skipping meals, dynamic duo, here come the boysssss, soft crowley

Summary: you don’t show up for wine with crowley and aziraphale, and the two hurry to your apartment to see what’s going on

Word Count: 2281

Link to original: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31055930/chapters/83889112

‘Crowley, please hurry!’

The pained cry of the angel came from the top of the flight of stairs in your apartment block, echoing off the concrete walls. This mixed with the reverberant sigh of Crowley, and the ever- so- slow tread of his footsteps.

‘CROWLEY. This is important! Do you not care?’

The demon stopped dead in his tracks, planting his feet at the bottom of the set of stairs that the out of breath Aziraphale stood at the top of.

Crowley was not at all happy with the angel’s question.

‘Do I not what? Care? Oh Angel, you’re asking to be pushed down these stairs,’ he responded, almost growling under his breath. In any other circumstance, this might have actually pleased Aziraphale, however this time, he was actually terrified.

The scenario had started with what Aziraphale called ‘a dreadfully funny feeling.’

Since Armageddon was narrowly avoided, the angel and the demon had found themselves at somewhat of a loose end on Earth, enjoying their free time together but still constantly striving for some higher purpose.

That’s where you came in. Little did you know that a walk into a lovely little bookshop called A.Z Fell & Co. one day to search for an overpriced illustrated copy of your favourite book would lead to drinking a couple of bottles of wine with the owner and his companion for seven hours straight, and that this would become a weekly tradition. You just clicked with the pair, you found them magnetising and, well, you were a fascinating human to the angel and the demon, so they quickly grew fond of you.

The two supernatural beings then decided that their purpose would be caring. Caring for you.

Not in a suffocating way though, at least that was never the intention. Between the two of them, Crowley and Aziraphale decided from the get go that they would just be there for you as a friend, with little extras added on top like going out and buying your shopping for you whenever there was a thunderstorm, or baking you enough cake to feed the 5000. But, the pair’s talents in observance and intuition slowly made them realise that something was always just slightly off with you.

To them, it seemed like there was always something hidden behind a wall in your head, like a pretence that you constantly held up. Granted, part of their realisation came when in one of your drinking sessions at the bookshop, you let slip that you hadn’t eaten a proper meal for two days and they both nearly hit the roof. They asked you why, and kept asking why (Aziraphale in particular was extremely persistent) but you brushed it off- you always brushed it off.

‘No no, it’s nothing to be worried about, I promise! I’ve just been so busy, y’know? It’s nothing, please Aziraphale, you can sit down. Don’t you worry about me.’

Now, Crowley could sense a lie from a mile off considering he was the lord of them, and Aziraphale could feel that your inner emotions were about as steady as a mongoose riding a pedal bike, and they therefore deduced that they should in fact worry about you.

And so the slightly incompetent suffocation began.

This was definitely mainly from Aziraphale, as his senses for detecting emotional suffering and hurt were a lot stronger than Crowley’s- this was just down to how long he’d been pulling angelic manoeuvres. Crowley was a lot less practised however when he felt that something was off, he really did feel that something was off. This however meant that wherever in London you were, Aziraphale would realise that something was wrong, no matter how small the inconvenience.

Notable occasions included when the tubes on the Central Line were running one minute late and Aziraphale unsuccessfully attempted to miracle another train up, causing even more delay and destruction, when the bottom of your shoe fell off in a puddle and Aziraphale got so upset that he cried for an hour, (to be fair, he’d had a long day; someone had tried to buy a book from the shop which had displeased him greatly) and when a seagull crapped on your shoulder while you were sitting outside a bar at Canary Wharf and the angel managed to manifest a fluke bolt of lightning which struck the seagull down right into your food.

And all this from the comfort of his own home.

Crowley had tried to tell the angel that not every inconvenience could be sorted out, that the pair needed to pick their battles with the perils of the human life.

‘Yes yes, I understand. I’ll stop, I promise. We’ll stick to the original plan. Now have you seen my banana bread recipe? I think they could do with a pep up.’

This lasted for 22 hours.

You hadn’t shown up to the bookshop like you did every week.

‘Oh Angel do stop pacing, they have a life of their own you know,’ Crowley nagged, holding a bottle of red wine in one hand as he stood in the doorway between the main shop and the back room.

‘Something is wrong, Crowley. I have a dreadfully funny feeling,’ Aziraphale insisted, wringing his hands and pacing at twice the average speed of an angel.

‘Right, yes, okay but the problem is, you’ve said that every night for two weeks and it hasn’t been true once.’

‘You can’t sense it like I can.’ The angel stormed towards the coat stand, reaching for his coat.

‘Oh no no no, we agreed, no suffocation. Put that down, you’re not going anywhere,’ the demon asserted.

‘Oh yes we are. Put that wine in the back, you’re driving.’

Crowley had rarely heard Aziraphale’s voice like this before, low and extremely demanding. There wasn’t any way he was getting out of this, the angel was on a mission.

And so, Crowley drove the angel to your apartment block and the two of them ended up in the stairwell facing off with each other. Too highly strung for their own good.

‘What if this is the one time that I’m right? You’re here getting all… demonic on the stairs and-‘

‘I will get demonic, Aziraphale. I am in fact a demon, plus if this is the one time that you’re right then you’re holding both us back by squabbling. Move out of the way.’

Crowley marched up the stairs stony faced, swooping straight past Aziraphale to your front door.

He did care. He really did. He just didn’t like to show it around Aziraphale because he always felt inferior in they way that he cared compared to the angel. He didn’t have those massively intuitive senses, his baking skills weren’t up to scratch, he felt held back by control. But something in the demonic form burned when he thought of the idea that you were hurting- and that burning was made more painful by Aziraphale’s suggestion that he didn’t care.

He snapped his fingers at your door, and it violently swung open, hitting against the wall of the hallway as it did. He stormed inside, barely letting Aziraphale follow behind before he snapped his fingers again to close it. Darkness and silence fell over the hallway as the angel and the demon stood completely still, their anxious breathing slowly filling the space.

They could both easily sense one important thing- you were present in the apartment, you were safe within the four walls. There was a collective sigh of relief.

‘Told you,’ Crowley sneered under his breath, trying to hide his still present anxiety. As much as he could feel your presence, he was struggling with any of the finer details, your emotional state or your exact whereabouts.

‘Don’t be like that. I was only trying to help,’ Aziraphale whimpered, taking a small step forwards. Unlike Crowley, he could just about tell that you were somewhere in the general direction of your bedroom. The angel clicked his fingers and uttered a small ‘let there be light’, allowing the hallway to be illuminated by a faint white glow. There was no other light coming from anywhere due to a distinct lack of windows in the architecture of this building, the only three were in your living room, your bedroom and your kitchen and even then, you’d shut all of the curtains and all of the doors in the place.

The angel padded further down the hallway, leaving Crowley to look at the prints on your walls like an awkward cousin at a party. By the time Aziraphale had reached your bedroom door, Crowley had moved onto examining the items on the coffee table that was slightly further down the hall. There wasn’t a lot to examine, a couple of books, your keys, an Alexa that you’d turned the microphone off on. The one thing that caught Crowley’s eye was a small painting of a seaside town just laying down on the table. It wasn’t anywhere near being finished and much to Crowley’s dismay, it was crumpled up. He assumed two scenarios from this, either someone had given you an unfinished painting and you felt so strongly about it that you took to crumpling it up, or this was in fact your handy work that had been partially destroyed.

‘Crowley, what now?’ Aziraphale whispered from the end of the corridor, bringing Crowley’s gaze up from the table and back to reality.

‘Uhhh, don’t scare them. Don’t just burst in,’ the demon responded, moving down to meet Aziraphale by the bedroom.

‘I wasn’t planning on doing that! I just mean, do I knock? Just go in? Announce our arrival?’

Crowley rested his hand lightly on your bedroom door, looking quizzically at Aziraphale who was jumping through every possible scenario in his head. The demon sighed.

‘Just, shush. Okay, let’s just be quiet. Follow me, angel.’

Crowley very slowly pushed your bedroom door open, being greeted with yet more darkness from inside as he did so. Aziraphale hung over his shoulder to try and look inside, with Crowley grunting slightly at this. Through the darkness, Crowley made out a shape in the bed.

You, curled into a ball and fast asleep. Your breathing was heavy, but not laboured, and the bedsheets rose and fell accordingly. You were as close to comatose as could possibly be, dead to the world but luckily, very much alive.

‘Aaah. Oh, look,’ whispered Aziraphale. Crowley glared slightly at the angel, but inside, his sentiments were very similar. The pair stared at your form resting in the darkness for a few seconds, relieved with every breath that you took. With anyone else? It would have been creepy.

But not with these two. It was a deep devotion and concern.

Aziraphale went to take a step forwards but Crowley stopped him in his tracks, stopping the angel from getting anywhere near you.

‘Don’t even think about waking them, look. They’re deep in dreamland,’ the demon hissed, meeting Aziraphale’s puppy eyes.

‘Oh please, I just wanted to check that they’re okay.’

‘Aziraphale, they’re very clearly shattered. I think that we’ve discovered that they’re definitely not okay, but interrupting their sleep won’t help anyone. Let’s just, y’know, help where we can.’

‘But their soul-‘

‘I know. We’ll help with that tomorrow. For today, they sleep.’

Aziraphale eventually backed off slightly, looking down while nodding in defeat. While his deep concern could only ever have come from a place of love, he realised that stepping back for a second could be beneficial to everyone. He started to head towards the kitchen to see if there was anything that he could help with in there, turning back round for a second to ask Crowley what he should do. Crowley however was no longer stood in your doorway, and was instead sat on the edge of your bed, resting his hand on your leg.

The angel went to protest in some jealousy for a moment, but the warm glow that filled up his heart because of the sight stopped him. He just smiled, and turned back.

—

Between the pair of them, you were treated to a clean kitchen, a full fridge, a massive fuzzy blanket for the bed and soft, warm light for each room.

But there was one final detail bugging Crowley.

As the pair crept down your hallway back to the front door, Crowley let out a soft whistle to his friend as he stopped beside the coffee table. The angel turned his head, looking at the objects scattered about the surface.

‘What’s this?’ He asked, strangely intrigued by the small speaker- like object.

‘It’s an Alexa, it’s like a - y’know what, doesn’t matter. That’s not what I need you for. Look at this.’ Crowley picked up the ruined painting that he’d spotted earlier, showing it to Aziraphale. The angel scanned over it.

‘Ooh, its Whitby, the place with Dracula!’ He half gasped half squealed, failing to see what his friend was seeing.

‘It’s fucked is what it is, angel. I think they’ve crumpled it up in frustration or something, which I’m not exactly thrilled with. I’m out of niceness for today, can you do something?’ Crowley sighed, thrusting the painting towards his friend slightly.

‘Oh, easily. Your wish is my command, dear.’

Aziraphale swiped his hand across the paper and watched as the creases disappeared and the smudges eased. The colours got just a little brighter, and the beauty of your half- finished painting was restored.

‘We’ll help them finish it tomorrow, yes Crowley?’ The angel continued. Crowley gave a small smile with all the good energy that he had left in his body.

‘Yes angel. That would be nice.’

#good omens #good omens one shot #good omens fanfic #aziraphale x reader #crowley x reader

90 notes · View notes

neongreengummiebears · 3 years

Text

Disorganized Thoughts on Sex Education Season 3

I binge watched the entirety of season 3 on Friday, and after sitting with it for a couple days, I have composed myself enough to offer some thoroughly disorganized thoughts on what I’ve seen.

While I did enjoy many things about this season, I don’t understand the people who claim it was the strongest. In fact, I believe that it was the weakest. I don’t know what exactly happened during the delay, but I swear they have to have lost staff. Writers, perhaps editors? Whoever usually reins things in a bit, keeps the show grounded, and everyone in character. Whoever had that job, they’re either gone, or they’ve just stopped giving a fuck which, while relatable, is unfortunate in regards to this show. Now what do I mean by that? Let me elaborate:

1. This season was gross. And I don’t mean in general, like I didn’t like it. No, I mean that the writers decided that being sexually explicit wasn’t funny enough and decided to add just a fuck-ton of fart jokes and toilet humor. And I get it, okay? This show prides itself on being crass. But you can be crass without being disgusting. I acknowledge that this comes entirely down to personal preference, but I can’t stand toilet humor and I feel like this season really ramped it up. Every episode was someone farting or talking about shit, or that god forsaken thrice cursed bus scene. Sex doesn’t gross me out, talk about sex all fucking day I don’t care, but I don’t need to watch an extended scene of someone digging their own shit out of a bus toilet in a sock and chucking it out the window onto someone’s car. And even just smaller things, like Aimee talking about the flour constipating her or her taking a massive shit in Jean’s toilet when she and Maureen were there. Those scenes weren’t necessary for the plot in any way, which leads me to believe they were just there because someone thought they were funny and if that’s you’re thing go off, but it most definitely isn’t mine.

2. Ruby and Otis. And more importantly, what was the point of Ruby and Otis? Now don’t get me wrong, I like Ruby as a character and I found their relationship interesting. And I think that it would have been even more interesting if the writers had devoted more time to properly developing it- Ruby was getting better as a person but she wasn’t there yet. I liked it once Otis started standing up for himself more, and demanding respect in the relationship and as she started to actually care for him she did come to treat him more respectfully. I think with more time they could have been really good. But they didn’t get that time- she said she loved him and they didn’t even work through that fiasco before he was kissing Maeve at a gas station. Overall it had a lot of potential but the way they played it left me just sitting here like...why? Like from a narrative standpoint what was even the purpose? Because from where I’m sitting it really only served as yet another roadblock standing between Otis and Maeve and even though I shipped them like CRAZY in season 1 and 2 the constant unnecessary roadblocks are getting a little old. Which leads me to my next point...

3. Why was Maeve and Otis so unsatisfying? That’s not actually a rhetorical question, I can tell you: Because the writers put so little effort into what is supposed to be the main couple on the show. I feel like they put more effort into keeping them apart and then when it comes time to put them together they’re just kind of like NOW KISS, they only talk like once after and then they ship Maeve off to America. Now I’ve heard rumors that Emma Mackey might not want to return to the show for season 4 so if I had to guess at all of this I would say that both this point and the last was a sloppy attempt to cover their asses in the event that they can’t get her to sign back on. If she does return, they can explore the relationship between her and Otis in season 4. If she doesn’t, they’re probably going to put him back with Ruby. But they couldn’t just write her off without at least touching on the relationship they spent the past 2 seasons building, even though Otis and Maeve barely interact in this season, which is frankly another reason why it felt so shoddy. They spent exponentially more time talking to other people and then half the time when Otis was talking to her he was super cringe.

Overall, despite loving their relationship initially, the characters have changed so much from their original dynamic, and have interacted so little, that I really don’t even know what’s pulling these characters together. It’s disappointing to admit that I’m kind of over it but honestly even the writers don’t feel invested. it kind of feels like they put them together because the audience expected it and after 3 seasons of anticipation the payoff was generally underwhelming.

4. Otis. Just...Otis. I understand that Otis was introduced as being a very nice helpful character in season one. He was the quintessential good guy. And then in season 2 he got to explore being a douche for a bit- which is fine. He is a teenager and he was going through some shit. But I really felt that by the end of season 2 he should have resolved that particular plot point. And he was a little better in season 3 I guess? But he didn’t really progress until the end of this season and from a writing standpoint I feel like they really dragged that out for too long.

5. What’s with this show and it’s hard on for cheating? Like seriously, why does almost every relationship have some kind of infidelity. Like, were Otis and Ruby officially broken up when he kissed Maeve? Maeve certainly hadn’t broken up with Isaac, and this was almost directly on the heels of their very emotional sex scene. There was the issue with Jean and Jakob last season, and Eric cheating on Rahim with Adam. And then Eric (for some reason) cheating on Adam this season with random Nigerian dude whose name I can’t remember. Just...why is this a thing?

But also can we just talk about how weird the break up was? And out of left field? Like they literally spent the whole season developing their relationship, and then they get to Nigeria and after hiding the whole time he is subtly able to talk about Adam to his grandmother. And he sounds so proud, and so nice when he’s doing so, and not at all like he’s planning to end this wonderful relationship he’s describing. And then when he gets back, guilty after cheating on said boyfriend (like he should be) he asks Adam, seemingly as a test, if he would go out to a club with him. And Adam says no because that isn’t his scene and like...Eric knows that isn’t his scene. But at the same time, I feel like if Eric had sat him down and been like “You don’t have to wear makeup or dress outlandishly, just come to the club with me because it’s important to me” I really think Adam would have gone. And if the clothes and make-up were a dealbreaker like...why? You know who you’re dating. And while wanting him to tell his mom isn’t an overwhelmingly outrageous request, when you start getting into his physical appearance then that’s just actually trying to change him as a person and that’s just a really shitty thing to do.

6. I promise there will be some positives in this list at some point but before that...what the fuck Eric? Like, I understand that Eric wants to get out there and explore his options, find someone more comfortable doing the things that he wants to go do. That’s realistic I guess, your high school relationships don’t work out and just because Adam came out for him he still isn’t obligated to stay in a relationship with him. But from a fictional narrative standpoint? What the fuck is this? Adam and Eric were one of the most popular ships on the show. They have been foreshadowed since season one, and had so so much effort put into developing them both as characters. Adam has come such a long way. They have brought him so far out of him comfort zone that Adam in season 3 is almost a completely different person to Adam in season 1. They spent so much of this season further developing the relationship they established last season, and for what? To break them up at the very end? WHY?

7. Following on the heels of point 6, Aimee and Steve. They didn’t need to break up. I understand the direction the writers were taking this- Aimee wants to be single for a while to fully process her trauma and get to know her own body again. And that’s valid. I just don’t like it because I very strongly suspect that she will have a new love interest next season and that all her stuff about being single isn’t going to be shown. It will all happen off screen during whatever time skip they employ between seasons and then they’re going to use the fact that she is single to introduce a new more dramatic love interest for her since golden retriever boy Steve wasn’t interesting enough for them. Maybe that’s just me being cynical but if anyone can come out of season 3 NOT feeling a little cynical it would probably be a miracle.

8. A positive! Finally a positive! I love the relationship between Adam and Rahim. Do I want them to date? Not particularly. I wouldn’t be mad if it happens, but I really just like them as like awkward begrudging friends. Some of my favorite scenes this season were the interactions between the two of them (Once again, the disgusting bus ride notwithstanding) I like Rahim a lot more when he isn’t interrupting my ship (which is a habit of mine. I liked Ola a lot more once she broke up with Otis)

9. I don’t think Viv was out of character. Some people have been saying that she was, but I don’t think so. She has always been ambitious and even Jackson understand that about her in the show. And even when she was working for Hope and carrying out her rules, she was never an antagonist because she never gave up her personal morals to do it. For example, when Hope had them divided into boy and girl lines, Jackson asked her where Cal should go. She told him that boys went to the left and girls went to the right but as soon as Cal was like “Im not a boy or a girl,” Viv was immediately like, “ Oh! Right! Let me ask Hope.” She approached the situation in a way that made it clear that she recognized this issue as a legitimate problem and when she went to Hope it wasn’t framed like “This person is being an issue refusing to choose,” but instead like “We didn’t account for this possibility, that was our bad. How should we fix it?” Later on, on the class trip, Viv even lied to Hope and told her everything was fine because she didn’t want to get anyone in trouble. Viv took the opportunities presented to her, but I never interpreted it as her being an antagonist in any way.

10. I love that Viv and Jackson remained friends, and I love that Viv has her sexy long-distance boyfriend who sexts about wheat XD Her sexting was one of my favorite scenes- well written, laugh out loud hilarious. No complaints. Sexy boyfriend was indeed very sexy and honestly, Viv absolutely deserves him.

11. Mr. Groff better apologize to Adam next season, or at the very least have any kind of fucking conversation with his son at all or else why the fuck did I watch SO MANY scenes developing him as a sympathetic character? They could have spent that time developing ANYONE, but instead we were focused on him so like...I’m going to need some kind of payoff. Make it relevant

12. I want more bonding scenes between Adam and Maureen. I love Maureen- I love her friendship with Jean and I love how she always chooses her son over her estranged husband (as she should) I especially love her very loving and supportive relationship with Adam, even though Adam is terrible at communication. It’s a self indulgent wish, I’d just like to see more.

13. Isaac. I made many posts after the season 2 release, about how much I despised Isaac. Unlike Ola, I find that I didn’t have a complete change of heart but I don’t hate him AS MUCH as I did before. I still don’t like him though and while you might think “Yeah but you hate anyone who stands in the way of Otis and Maeve” no. This is historically accurate and yet, this season? Not true. For example, I don’t hate Ruby. Do I think her inclusion in the story was handled poorly in a way that made the entire plot point unnecessary? Yes I do. I also feel that way about Isaac, but less so because I feel like the relationship between him and Maeve deepening was better foreshadowed and was kind of the natural conclusion given the events of the previous season. As a character though, I still don’t really like him, and after 2 seasons of him I don’t think it has anything to do with him interfering with Maeve’s relationship with Otis- I just legitimately don’t like him. And I don’t like him with Maeve. I think the biggest irritant this season was the way that, after confessing about deleting the message he was like “yeah I fucked up but only because I like you so much, just forgive me” And then at one point I believe I remember Maeve apologizing to him for her reaction to everything. But then when he found out that she kissed Otis (admittedly a shitty thing to do) he got so mad and like, held a fucking grudge about it. And I get it, he has a right to be mad, but also boy you were the one groveling like 2 episodes ago get over yourself. They both fucked up in different ways but he acts like he has the moral high ground all the time and it gets really annoying. I don’t know, maybe I’m letting my general dislike of the character color my perception of events, but this show has managed to change my opinion on characters before but it still hasn’t made me like him so I think it’s just not going to.

14. What the hell were they trying to do with Hope? Like legitimately, what? Because I can’t quite figure it out. And that’s mostly because I feel like they were trying to make her a nuanced and sympathetic villain, but they broke a cardinal rule- To make a villain sympathetic you must also ensure that nothing they do is inherently irredeemable. For example, principal Groff. He was a grade A dick for the past 2 seasons but I still feel that, now that we have a sympathetic backstory, if handled properly he could still come back from this. He can see the error of his ways and if he works really really hard to make amends to his family he could perhaps have his character turned around. In Hope’s case however, I would argue that they did makes her nuanced, but failed to make her sympathetic because as a character she went too far. If they had stuck to her just being a general tyrant of a headmaster - enforcing strict rules and regulations but doing so out of insurmountable pressure from her own bosses - and then softened us towards the character by showing us her willingness to help Maeve get a scholarship, her troubled marriage, and her inability to conceive, it could have worked. The trouble is when they brought in her racism and general bigotry. Those weren’t flaws brought on by stress, those were deeply rooted character flaws that the character isn’t going to overcome because by the end of the season the character hasn’t even admitted them to herself. The issues were addressed by others, but not by Hope herself, leaving me to believe that the character herself still views them as a nonissue. I would be very surprised if she even appears in season 4 and moreso if they manage to even half-way redeem her. I’m relatively certain we won’t see her again, which makes me question the effort put into her character development.

15. I like Jakob as a character, I don’t like him as a love interest for Jean, but I LOVE him as a father figure for Otis. It’s very conflicting because I want him to stay in Otis’s life, but I don’t like him as a romantic interest for Jean. also it’s pretty clear he isn’t Joy’s father so that’s going to be an awkward fucking conversation. If she even tells him. The way the show is going I kind of feel like she won’t, or will at least put it off for as long as possible.

16. I want more interaction between Otis and Jean. Positive interaction, not just her being intrusive or Otis being a little bitch. I like their mother-son dynamic when they’re getting along so I just generally want more of it.

17. Adam. Adam has become my favorite character in this show and I just generally want more of him and his relationships with others. I love his relationship with his mother but I want more if him and Emily, and him and Ola and now him and Ruby. I want to see him and Ruby discussing the Kardashians. I want him to train Madam and enter her in more competitions and just ultimately grow his social circle. Get all the love and support for god’s sake this boy needs it.

Im sure there are plenty of things I’m forgetting and you can ask me about them if you like but for now it’s late and I’m tired.

#sex education season 3 #sex education season 3 spoilers #sex education #otis milburn #eric effiong #adam groff #jean milburn #maeve wiley #Aimee #I don't know Aimee's last name #My bad

43 notes · View notes

theres-an-impulstor-among-us · 3 years

Note

While probably very unlikely, can you do some angst where Scar loses his finally life inside Dogwarts and Grian has a crisis where he realizes he actually cared about Scar while completely outnumbered?

this was such fun to write omg

...

Quietly and stealthily, Grian and Scar sneak over the wall to Dogwarts and creep towards the Renchanting building, TNT in hand.

But just as they get there, they hear someone snap, “Hey!”

Grian whirls round to find Martyn rushing towards them, sword out.

“Scar, bail!” he yelps, dashing away.

Scar takes off running in the opposite direction, circling round the building. But as he does, he finds himself face-to-face with Skizz, holding an enchanted diamond sword. “Get back, Scar! Get back!”

Scar responds by lighting the only block of TNT he has and tossing it at Skizz, who scrambles backwards to avoid it.

Across the complex, Grian hears the TNT go off but he’s too busy running from

Martyn, who’s pursuing him across the top of the wall, to look around and check on his companion.

“What are you doing here?” Martyn demands. “Trying to blow us up?”

“Yeah, so what?”

“So what?” echoes Martyn in disbelief. “You know I can’t let you do that, right?”

“Come get me, then.”

“Oh, I intend to.”

Meanwhile, Scar and Skizz are engaging in a swordfight, both evenly matched. Neither are great fighters but that means neither of them can get an advantage.

After a while, Scar manages to land a blow to Skizz’s hand, causing him to drop his weapon with a yelp of pain. He scrambles backwards as Scar advances on him, but ends up tripping over. Scar looms over him, sword raised.

“No!” Skizz screams, throwing up his arms to protect his head. “NO!”

Just as Scar starts to swing his sword, an arrow flies out of nowhere and buries itself in his chest, followed by two further arrows in almost the same place. Scar staggers backwards, eyes wide with shock and pain.

The final arrow fired at him hits him in the neck, delivering the fatal blow.

GoodTimeWithScar was shot by InTheLittleWood

“SCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!”

Grian’s scream causes the Red Army to freeze in their tracks.

Atop the altar, Ren stares over at Grian, who has dropped to his hands and knees near the spot Scar fell. Even though Scar was their enemy, Ren feels Grian’s raw emotions as strongly as if they’re his own.

But that doesn’t change the fact that Grian is still their enemy.

Grian hangs his head, tears pouring from his eyes like a waterfall. Scar is gone. He should be happy; he’s free now. But he’s not happy. Scar was the closest thing to a family that he had on this server, and now Scar is gone.

“Grian,” comes Martyn’s warning voice.

Grian slowly looks up to find all three members of the Red Army closing in on him: Martyn and Skizz on the left with bows pointed at him, and Ren on the right with a sword.

“Nobody else needs to die today, Grian,” Ren says, though his voice isn’t hard or cold. It’s gentle. Sympathetic. He’s giving Grian a fair chance. “Go. Go to the flower fields. Major and Solidarity will take you in. We won’t attack you there.”

For several seconds, Grian doesn’t move. A million plans race through his head, though only one of them is screaming enough for him to hear it.

He could charge at them right now. Of course, he’d be struck down immediately. But he could take Ren or Skizz down with him. They’re both on red. They’d go the same way as Scar. He could achieve some semblance of vengeance for his fallen friend.

“Listen to him, Grian,” says Skizz pleadingly. “We don’t wanna kill you too.”

After another excruciating pause, Grian rises to his feet and regards his enemies with a dangerous look. “I’ll avenge him,” he says hoarsely. “I hope you know that. I’ll avenge him if it’s the last thing I do.”

He turns to look at Martyn. “You better hope you go red before me,” he growls slowly, “cuz I’ll be coming for you the second I do.”

Martyn steadily meets his gaze. “One last chance, Grian. Go.”

Breathing heavily and hunched over slightly like a cornered animal, Grian turns and runs. The Red Army watch him scale the wall and disappear over the other side, before they all finally relax and let their guard down.

“Martyn, you alright?” asks Ren, noticing a slight limpness to his ally.

“Yeah, I just…” Martyn inhales deeply. “That’s only the second time I’ve killed someone on this server. And… my first red lifer. It feels kinda bad, honestly…”

“Hey, you absolutely saved my life,” Skizz says, gripping Martyn’s shoulder reassuringly. “I know it sucks but if you hadn’t taken him out, he would’ve ended me. You did what you had to do.”

“I guess so… I’m just a little worried about Grian. He’s experienced this kind of loss before and he doesn’t take it well.”

“Grian is still our enemy and now he’s sworn vengeance on you,” says Ren. “I sympathise with him but we need to focus on the goal at hand.”

The other members of the Red Army exchange nods. They know they have to get back to business, no matter how hard it is. Despite the loss the whole server’s just suffered, they have to forget about Scar and move on.

…

It’s been fifteen minutes since the notification in chat, and Scott can still hardly believe that Scar’s gone from the server forever. He’s never fully trusted Scar but they were allies, and Scott would have come to Scar’s aid if he’d asked.

Why didn’t he ask?

As Scott heads over to the gate, puzzling this out, he happens to glance up and spot Grian stumbling into the flower fields, red in the face and in a horrible state.

“Grian!” Scott gasps.

He dashes forward, reaching Grian just in time to catch him as he collapses forward. “Grian, what happened?!”

“W-We attacked Dogwarts,” Grian gasps out. “M-Me and Scar. He… He got… He’s…”

“Why didn’t you call us, Grian?! We could have stopped this!”

“I-I didn’t think we-.”

Grian breaks off with another heaving breath. He looks up at Scott, whose heart skips a beat at Grian’s intense expression. Grian’s eyes, normally warm brown, are flashing red.

“I gotta take them down, Scott,” he says, his voice low and raspy. “I gotta avenge Scar. No matter what. I gotta take them down.”

Scott can only stare at Grian in shock. He’s never seen his friend like this before.

Grian turns his head to look up at the sky. The clouds drift past on the breeze; it’s a wonderful sunny afternoon. But Grian doesn’t care.

Grian may still be on his green life, but now he only sees red.

#3rd life smp #3rdlifesmp #grian #goodtimeswithscar #rendog #inthelittlewood #skizzleman #vaunna’s requests

102 notes · View notes

yumeka36 · 3 years

Text

Fruits Basket (2019)

*Artwork credited to みるき on pixiv*

Just watched the last episode of the new Fruits Basket anime. Wow, what an emotional ride! I'm someone who watched the original 26-episode anime from the early 2000s but never continued the story through the manga (I considered buying the manga volumes but never followed through with it...I'm just more into anime than manga). It's so great to finally know the complete story behind one of my favorite anime. I wanted to share my thoughts here, as someone who knew nothing about what happens from where the original 2001 anime left off (spoiler warning from here on)...

- Kureno and Rin were the two zodiac members who never appeared in the original anime. It was nice to finally see them and I think they were both good characters.

- The four student council members that Yuki interacts with were also new to me. I can't say I liked them much overall as they (mostly) seemed to be comic relief and I didn't think they were that funny or interesting. I also found myself wondering why we got these new characters when the show already has such a large ensemble - a lot of their filler screentime could have gone to developing the more "forgotten" zodiac members, like Ritsu (seriously, why was Ritsu totally shafted?) But the relationship between Machi and Yuki was cute at least.

-The background music for the series was really nice, though the opening and ending songs didn't really grab me. But then again, the opening song from the original anime, "For Fruits Basket" by Ritsuko Okazaki, is such a beautiful song - one of my favorite anime tunes and very hard to outshine!

- I adored the relationship between Arisa and Kureno, probably more than any other relationship in the show! I couldn't get enough of those early episodes where they first met...but then I was sad when it seemed like they would never be able to get together. Glad that wasn't the case in the end!

- I'm still not clear on what Shigure's motivations were throughout the series. Even in the original anime, although he seemed jovial and fatherly, I could tell he had some ulterior motives. But even in this new series, I'm still not sure what his intentions were. According to the Fruits Basket wiki, he also wanted to break the curse, but his methods didn’t click with me...and he did some pretty despicable things in the past. But did he genuinely care about Tohru and the others or was he just using them for some less than pure purpose? Obviously it’s revealed that he’s always been in love with Akito, but often it seemed like he did more sadistic things to her than trying to help her. I dunno, I just couldn't quite figure Shigure out.

- The backstory with Kyo first encountering Tohru and coincidently forming a bond with Kyoko felt slightly contrived, but it was still nice to see their interactions. The fact that Kyo will forever wonder whether Kyoko actually said that she’d never forgive him is frustrating though. I know Tohru somewhat convinced him that she’d never say that, and the audience obviously knows she didn’t, but I feel like Kyo might still have doubts.

- There were a lot of episodes that got me right in the feels, but the backstory episode about the origin of the zodiac animals’ bonds with “god” was amazing! It was such an emotional shock to finally know where that bond came from and why it was so strong, and then to subsequently see each Sohma break their bond one by one. Such a memorable episode and definitely one of my favorites.

- I tried, but it was really hard for me to feel much sympathy for Akito. I know she had her own personal hell she was living in, but her cruelty towards the others was pretty unbearable. Even though she felt bad about it in the end and was willing to turn over a new leaf, she should have gotten some kind of punishment for what she did. It’s not like she was just a bully - she has many accounts of literal attempted murder and assault behind her. Just saying “sorry” and feeling bad shouldn’t be enough to atone for that in my opinion. I know the Sohmas probably avoid interacting with law enforcement out of fear that their secret will be found out, but they could still punish Akito on their own accord. I know the show heavily advocates forgiveness, but still, accountability when it matters is important too.

- Since I only ever watched the original anime, I never knew who Tohru ended up with. Even though the original series ended strongly on her relationship with Kyo, I still thought Yuki had a chance. I didn’t really have a preference, but now that I’ve seen the new series, I think Kyo makes more sense. His character development from anger-filled delinquent to a caring and confident young man was fantastic and definitely one of the highlights of the series. Though the huge time skip in the final episode’s epilogue was a bit...too far into the future, lol. I would have preferred seeing each of the Sohmas say goodbye to Tohru instead, since they kept talking about it throughout the episode but then we never see them sending her off.

Overall, it was an emotional but rewarding experience to finally know the complete story behind an anime that’s been among my favorites for almost 20 years. I was satisfied with how the original anime ended, but I still longed to know the complete story. Even though the emotional moments and character monologues did sometimes drag on a bit, and the comedic scenes didn’t always hit their mark for me, Fruits Basket’s good points more than outweigh its bad points in my opinion. What it lacks in some aspects it makes up for in excellent drama and compelling character arcs. I’m many years late, but I’m glad I didn’t miss out on knowing the full story!

#anime #fruits basket

96 notes · View notes

tsukiida · 3 years

Text

pining — bakugou katsuki

— info :: bakugou x gn!reader ; sfw ; slight angst & humour ; 3.13k words.

— contents :: quirkless reader ; bakugou’s pov ; one-sided attraction ; bakugou being bakugou ; well-meaning wingmen bakusquad.

— synopsis :: katsuki hates the way you make him feel.

— note :: this is my first time writing bnha, let alone bakugou, I hope I do it justice… if you read this, thank you, I hope you like it! :)

katsuki swears he hates you.

to be honest, he’d rather hate you, than feel like… this about you.

he’s convinced you’re messing with him. your quirk must make it so, because there’s no other reason why he feels his body heat up, his heart beat quicker somewhere deep in his chest, every time he thinks of you. you’re definitely doing it on purpose.

it’s that damned shopping trip to blame.

the girls had dragged everyone out to have some bonding time, which is the shittiest excuse katsuki has ever heard for splurging and buying pretty dessert that clogs up arteries. he’d have skipped out on it, but raccoon eyes begged kirishima, who in turn begged katsuki.

that’s another thing that pisses him off; remembering exactly how the other boy had convinced him. really, he couldn’t give less of a shit about something like romance, but of course the extras are going out of their mind about how popular they are with their preferred gender, and of course they had to drag him into it.

no, he doesn’t care at all, but it hurts his ego pride to entertain the idea that he might not be #1 at something even as petty as that.

hell, he doesn’t even care about being #1, as long as he’s doing better than deku.

but he’s not blind. cheeks is obsessed with the green haired idiot, her heart probably having a taste of her own quirk and shooting off into the universe fluttering madly every time she looks at him.

it’s like the world is out to get him, because not only did he have to accompany all the losers to their stupid trip, but he also had to, under duress, with that goal in mind? really? grade schoolers, the whole lot of them.

what he hates most about the whole thing is you, though.

and you’re doing exactly the things he hates.

ever since you stumbled across deku during that trip, tapped him on the shoulder and smiled at him, it’s like you punched katsuki in the gut. he can’t forget the way you’d looked so meek, but still somehow comfortable around deku, and he’d be damned if he doesn’t hate that.

and for the life of him, he can’t recall ever seeing you during his days in middle school. you claimed that you’d been classmates with deku – and by extension, katsuki – for an entire year, and deku sure seems to recognise you. but katsuki doesn’t. deku lights up like a stupid bulb, but katsuki does not.

he hadn’t needed to know details about any of the dumb extras that had infested middle school, more so any of them who didn’t already seem to know that he is the best. that must’ve been why he didn’t know you. there weren’t too many people who didn’t believe in his worth, but the ones who didn’t… they weren’t special enough for him to remember. they could never prove him wrong, after all. they were nothing.

but you.

he hates you. he strongly dislikes you. he can’t stand you.

and you seem to love that shitty deku.

no, it’s not the same kind of emotion that uraraka holds for him.

you absolutely adore that girl too, and she treats you nicely enough despite the wary look in her eyes initially, when she thought she was being subtle while hovering around deku.

no, katsuki hasn’t been observing. especially not because he’s interested. he is literally just looking out for himself, because he doesn’t want to be blindsided just because he wasn’t careful of some scheming pest.

the pest in question being you.

you’re already wreaking havoc on his mind, full of nothing but thoughts of you, other than being #1. he would never give up on that, no matter how much you make his heart pound and palms sweat.

you’re kinda helpful for his quirk, actually, and that’s the only reason he hasn’t already blasted you off into nothingness. the accelerated heart rate does wonders for him. but he doesn’t want to credit you either for something he could achieve with his own hard work.

he can definitely credit you for being the most annoying idiot that he knows, though. your quirk is painful, because late at night when he’s alone, he’s hit by images of your face. you hang out so much with his classmates now, he can’t help it. he can’t even sleep peacefully, because when he does fall asleep, his often dreamless nights are swapped out for stupid sequences produced by his subconscious involving you, because of your silly little quirk that you think katsuki is unaware of.

it gets worse.

he finds out you’re quirkless.

he storms up to you when he’s had enough. not only do you go to a school quite near theirs, but you also always have time to meet up, and isn’t that super convenient for whatever grand scheme you’ve concocted in order to try and take down bakugou katsuki.

it’s a half-growled and half-whispered, threat-filled one-sided conversation between him and you when he asks you to stop whatever you’re trying to do. you, being the infuriating person that you are, just tilt your head and stare at him in confusion. in the name of all might, that should not make his heart skip a beat, because he doesn’t have any intention of using his quirk right now. he just wants you to stop using yours. that’s all he’s there for.

but then you just shrug slightly, that damned nervous smile plastered on your face that you’ve barely been showing anymore, now that you’re comfortable with the extras. you shake your head when he asks you, as nicely as he can, to stop whatever messed up thing you like doing to him.

“this your way of trying to win against me? you can’t,” he grits through his teeth, fingers itching to create little explosions. he’s not going to show his off when asking you to call yours off. he won’t—

you tell him you have no idea what he’s talking about, because you’re as quirkless as they come.

with all the strength that he can muster within himself to not have an outburst, he asks you to repeat yourself.

you do. “i’m quirkless.”

in the end, he can’t help himself, and sets off a series of minute explosions that have you hopping back, out of his arm’s reach. as if he’d harm you with them, he thinks while glaring at you.

katsuki would like to say that he got over it quickly, but it takes a while, truthfully. at first he can’t wrap his mind around the fact that you’re quirkless, because then every thought of you that’s haunted him the past few months is without explanation.

you being quirkless literally opens up so many other questions. if you’re quirkless, then who’s to blame for everything happening to him? is it someone else at fault? are you just stupid and oblivious and unaware of your own quirk? did it manifest late? did someone grant it to you? there are so many questions, and things are still the same, if not worse. he barely thinks of anything else.

at least he can write it off in the name of being better at defending himself from stray quirks affecting him.

he hates it, but he asks kirishima, very subtly, if he’s heard of anyone whose quirk has the effects katsuki hates suffering from. the stupid redhead simply looks him dead in the eye and says that it sounds like the case of a bad crush quirk, something out of cheap romance novels which might be quite dangerous in practice, before proceeding to ask katsuki why he’s curious about it. bless his stupid soul, sometimes, because he completely buys the lie katsuki feeds him.

he didn’t want to have to convince kirishima that he doesn’t have a crush. because he doesn’t want to even entertain the idea of having a crush on stupid little you.

especially when you barely even give him the time of day anymore.

well, you’ve never really been the closest to him, nor does he want that, thank you very much! but it seems like the only time you and him ever had a proper conversation was when he asked you about your quirk, and that too ended badly, with barely any words exchanged. but at least you used to smile at him. not that he liked it or anything, but it was better than you giving him the cold shoulder.

are the extras actually more interesting to you than katsuki is? he’s a little miffed if that’s the case. but whenever he talks, you hear him, sometimes even respond to him, so perhaps it’s not a matter of ignoring him.

it’s just one thing you do.

you avoid his eyes.

it’s subtle enough that no one else notices, and the first few times he sees you look away when your eyes meet his, his breath catches in his throat and he’s almost too shocked to breathe in.

he knows that he’s not done anything to warrant that reaction from you. perhaps you’re simply realising after a long time that he’s the one you should be paying attention to, rather than all the extras. and perhaps it’s easier for you to pay attention to him with your ears rather than your eyes. he can understand that. your eyes seem to have that effect on him too; it’s entirely possible that this way is easier for you to focus on him.

maybe he makes you nervous.

there are so many maybes, but that thought still makes a grin tug at his lips, seeing which kirishima almost gets nervous. yeah, he’s getting cocky.

but that’s fine. he doesn’t plan on approaching you yet.

after all, if you’re into him, you should be brave enough to tell him.

…

honestly, it’s completely the electric eel’s fault. really, it’s 100% his fault because he thinks it’s fun to talk about stupid shit around katsuki. stupid shit like you possibly having a crush on deku, even though all signs say otherwise.

katsuki was willing to overlook that, but then raccoon eyes decided to encourage that hypothesis, and soon the idiots around him were talking in hushed whispers about deku’s supposed fanclub. such a situation definitely warranted katsuki blowing up their asses during training.

katsuki hates training with deku with a burning passion, but such a situation also warranted going up to him and demanding that he train with katsuki. if only he’d had enough mind to notice that the class was ending. if only he’d not run his mouth—

“they’ll never even look at you.”

deku doesn’t know shit about what katsuki just said, looking at him like he grew another head – which pisses him off even more – but kirishima and the rest of them know—

they know that katsuki is still hung up over that stupid conversation from days back, and they also know something’s up, and katsuki hates himself for being an idiot.

they corner him, as impossible as that sounds. katsuki would’ve blasted them off into outer space but they literally pile up onto him, clinging and refusing to let go of him even when he threatens to beat their ass again. curse sero’s tape.

katsuki would like to say that he fends them all off and throws them off his case. unfortunately, that does not happen. they find out a few things that day. thankfully, the only things they do find out are: you really get on katsuki’s nerves, and you also have a silly little crush on him.

“for real? are you sure?” ashido asks, eyebrows knit together like it’s something particularly unbelievable, and kaminari nods along uncertainly.

katsuki scoffs. “no other reason why they can’t look me in the eye.”

“i mean, you are kinda scary…” sero starts, but one glare from the scary person in question has him trailing off.

kirishima politely provides, “he’s manly!” and the conversation ends there.

…

oh, but the scheming doesn’t end.

kaminari is a bloody idiot, and encouraged by the equally idiotic sero, both of them come up with various scenarios wherein you and katsuki could stumble into each other, completely coincidentally, as if katsuki can’t hear them gossiping right behind him.

he ends up having to intervene when they get increasingly creative, which only means disaster in katsuki’s book.

“i’ll just wait.” he simply shrugs, watching the idiots get confused.

“fun to watch them squirm when they think they’re being subtle,” he offers further, and kirishima gives him a disapproving look, mumbling something about sadists.

“bakugou,” ashido stares at him critically, opening and shutting her mouth many times before eventually asking, “do you like them?”

after several more explosions, katsuki’s heart beating too fast in his chest, the sweat beading at his temples written off as part of his quirk, he’s able to dispel the idea from her mind.

he’ll never like someone like you.

and he’s still wary of you in the secret corner of his mind, not sure why he reacts the way he does to you. he’s not stupid, he knows what a crush is and how it works, but he really can’t see himself being attracted to you at all.

it has to be something someone concocted to get him weak, but they’re not going to succeed.

even if not having your eyes on him pisses him off more, making him feel irrational and prone to dangerous stunts and outbursts. even if not seeing you around much makes him feel like there’s not much to show off to. even if he really doesn’t feel like there’s anything worth showing off when he spies poor little you hanging around his classmates, quirkless and gentle.

gross.

…

katsuki hates being wrong.

katsuki hates knowing he’s wrong.

katsuki barely ever is wrong.

but when he is, he messes up completely.

if he were to possess the ability to correct one thing, he’d just lock up the idiots who call themselves his friends, and not let them near you.

they notice your little mannerisms too, of course they do when katsuki himself told them that you like him. they notice that you don’t meet his eyes and prefer staying away from him, but still respond to him whenever he talks. they notice that you don’t seem to fear him like some people do; almost as if you’re comfortable with him.

and they also notice things he wishes they didn’t notice, like the way his skin reddens imperceptibly when he sees you, and the way he makes an effort to not blast things up too much in your vicinity.

(it’s not really much use anymore, unfortunately.)

it’s definitely kaminari who is to blame; he always is for everything. katsuki doesn’t need any more reason to want to absolutely pummel him, because with the tape idiot’s encouragement, he bounces up to you one day and asks the dreaded question.

“what do you think of bakugou?” the blond asks, grinning from ear to ear as if he’s done something wonderful, but the way your eyebrow creases in confusion makes katsuki’s heart skip a beat. erratic. he doesn’t know what to make of the expression on your face. and no, he’s not waiting for your response, dammit. he’s 100% busy ignoring everyone. he can’t let you know all of his attention is on him, especially when you’re about to turn your head to look in his direction.

“he’s okay,” the words eventually leave your mouth, and he almost snorts. just okay? are you stupid, or just pretending to be? he knows your vocabulary is bigger than that.

“don’t you…” kaminari leans in dramatically, and katsuki has to strain his ears to hear—

“don’t you like him?”

well, hell. guess someone missed the tact memo.

that’s fine, though, katsuki’s okay with that. maybe letting you shyly avoid him isn’t the best course of action when you refuse to make a move.

you let out a non-committal noise, prompting another round of questions. the way you further get confused and respond with questions of your own makes something nag at the back of katsuki’s mind.

there’s something steadily sinking, and said sinking feeling grows the longer you talk to the electric idiot. by this point, katsuki has realised he’s missing something, but he’s still confident that it’s nothing he can’t overlook at this crucial moment when you spill the beans.

“my dear, sweet y/n, don’t you like bakugou?!” kaminari finally exclaims, possibly frustrated, and katsuki internally wheezes. he’s preoccupied with what you’ll say next, so laughing at the idiot’s expense takes a back seat.

he has to hand it to you; you’re really hard to crack, and it’s almost annoying. katsuki’s tempted to just burst his way over to you and demand a clear confession.

the answer isn’t something he’s expecting.

“not that he’s not, y’know, nice and all,” you babble, clearly stalling. you exhale at the same time as katsuki inhaling, and he holds his breath, waiting for the shoe to drop. really, maybe kaminari isn’t so bad if he can actually weasel the truth out of you with his stupid self.

“it’s just… he’s kind of scary. i try not to get in his way.”

kaminari seems just as stumped as katsuki feels in that moment.

“but… the way you act around him…”

well said, pikachu.

“oh.” that single word feels a bit like a gunshot. “oh, oh, i see. oh, no.” you need to stop saying ‘oh’ so many times, as if that changes anything.

“i’m sure he’s a good guy, but nope, i’m not interested in him romantically. i only act so awkward around him because that’s exactly how he makes me feel. i don’t even know him that well.”

can you stop twisting the knife?

“bakugou noticed,” kaminari mumbles, loud enough that katsuki hears. the words sound like they’re laced with pity. katsuki hates it, but what he hates more is how the idiot’s voice lowers to a whisper to say something to you that he really can’t hear from the distance.

katsuki also hates how your lips part and understanding dawns on your face.

he hates how your eyes meet his, head-on, because he completely forgot to look busy and has been gawking at you for the past few minutes. he hates how your eyes widen before a wary expression crosses your face.

katsuki hates the way you make him feel.

“is that what he’s passing it off as?” you ask, loud enough that he can hear. you’re not making an effort to lower your voice either.

kaminari does not respond to you, and you let out a short laugh, no doubt incredulous.

katsuki feels something within himself snap.

he leaves the room.

— note :: feedback is appreciated! :) I like this open ending because there’s a lot that can happen with it, let me know if anyone wants to see more of this! thanks for reading! :) ETA: if you’re interested in a continuation, you can read “honey”! :)

#bnha imagines #bnha x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou imagines #bnha headcanons #bakugou headcanons #bakugou katsuki imagines #boku no hero academia imagines #bakugou katsuki x reader #boku no hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia headcanons #bnha #mha headcanons #mha x reader #mha imagines #nia.inks

313 notes · View notes

the-dragongirl · 3 years

Text

Hello tumblr. I have returned from a long period of inactivity, because I must bring the good word to the corner of the Star Wars fandom that used to be my main fannish home: there is a new era of Star Wars canon that was made just for our taste. It is called the High Republic.

WHAT IS THE HIGH REPUBLIC?

The High Republic is an giant multi-media project being carried out by the Lucasfilm story group to create a brand new era of Star Wars canon. It is set a few hundred years before the prequel era (so, a long time after the Old Republic era), in a period of peace and stability within the Republic. It currently includes several English language adult novels, a YA novel, two serialized comics, a manga, some short stories, and some short video blurbs published on facebook and youtube. A TV show for Disney+ has also been announced, but is a few years off. This project is unique in Star Wars, in that all of the different parts are being written together by one writing team, and are coordinated to tell a cohesive story. Also, what has been announced is just the beginning – they have stated that there will be three different sections of the High Republic, and everything we have had announced so far is just part one. As a note: this is an era for which there was NO pre-existing canon in Legends, so it is totally new territory.

OKAY, THAT’S NICE, BUT WHY SHOULD I BOTHER TO CHECK IT OUT?

There are SO many reasons why the High Republic is worth your time to explore. I will try to outline some of them here below the cut (without any significant spoilers).

IT IS A LOVE LETTER TO THE JEDI

This is the era for everyone who loves the Jedi and wants to understand how they got to the point they did in the prequel era. It shows Jedi at their best: saving people, working together, being completely in tune with the Force (in so many beautiful and original ways), demonstrating creativity and flexibility and being rewarded for it, actually thinking through the ethics of things like the mind trick, and DEALING with their emotions rather than repressing them. It shows us how the rigid Jedi culture was saw in the prequels was a corruption of something that was originally healthy and uplifting. Jedi in this era are allowed to be flawed, and to grow, and have a community that supports them in doing so. This is the Jedi culture so many of us created as fix it fic for the prequel era, but made canon.

IT IS AN ERA OF HOPE

There are some serious problems in the High Republic Era. Without spoilers, the era opens with a terrible humanitarian crisis, laid over the Republic equivalent of the New Deal from US history. We see a lot of examples of people doing their best to be good to each other, and working for a more just and kind galaxy. They acknowledge that things are not perfect, but people from many different backgrounds (Jedi, politicians, farmers, pilots, business people) work together to try and make things better. I don’t know about you all, but with the darkness we see in the world today, I NEED some of that optimism in my escapist media. The High Republic provides that.

IT WILL GIVE YOU FEELINGS

The existing material so far is structured to really let you emotionally invest in the characters and their struggles. Unlike with many eras of Star Wars canon, characterization is not sacrificed for the sake of plot (though never fear, there is PLENTY of plot). That means there is huge scope for empathy. I’m not going to lie; I cried within the first three chapters of Light of the Jedi, as did several other people I know. It is POIGNANT in a way that feels truly genuine.

IT IS FUN

The writing team understands that, in the end, Star Wars is space fantasy. If your space fantasy is nothing but serious, gritty grimdark, it becomes pretentious and unbearable. So, for all that there is some heavy content in the High Republic (VERY heavy content – the Nihil should really have their own content warning), it has many moments of levity that keep it from taking itself too seriously. For example, the High Republic made Jedi bodice rippers canon. Also, characters like Geode exist (yes, that rock there is a CHARACTER). The result is something which honors the spirit of Star Wars, and keeps you engaged without being tedious or ridiculously depressing.

THE WRITING TEAM HAS DIVERSE PERSPECTIVES

The main writing team consists of five people: Justina Ireland, Claudia Gray, Charles Soule, Daniel José Older, and Cavan Scott. You will note that includes two people of color, two women, and one out Queer person (in fact, one of the writers is all three of those things). This is a far cry from the white-cis-straight-man-dominated writing teams we have seen in the past. And when they bring in other people to the project, they make a point of looking for perspectives that aren’t represented on their team – for example, the manga is being co-written between Justina Ireland and Japanese writer Shima Shinya, and Ireland has stated in interviews that Shinya is taking the lead on the writing.

IT VALUES MEANINGFUL REPRESENTATION

That diverse writing team means a cast that looks WAY more like the real world than any other era of Star Wars we’ve seen, in terms of representation. There are multiple characters of color, who are both heroes and central to the story. There are at least five canonical queer characters to date (a MLM couple, an Ace character, and two NB character). [EDIT: Thank you @legok9 for letting me know about the NB characters]. Among binary gendered characters, there is a very even balance of men and women. The writing team has also stated that they will be incorporating more representation of disability in the works to come. And the story is so much better for it – representation is included here BECAUSE it makes for more creative, believable, and original storytelling.

IT IS ACCESSIBLE

Because of the multiple formats, and the fact that it doesn’t rely on you knowing any prior lore, the High Republic offers many avenues to engage for people with all kinds of needs. Know nothing about Star Wars canon and feel intimidated about catching up? The canon is all new in this era anyway, so you’re fine. Can’t handle flashing lights? No problem – the little bit of video content that exists is totally free from the strobing effects that caused seizure and sensory issues. Need purely audio content? You can still have a full experience of the High Republic with the gorgeously sound-scaped audiobooks. Don’t have the attention span for books or long movies? Then the comics are your friend.

THERE IS SOMETHING FOR ALL

Between the books aimed towards adults and teens (and their respective audiobooks), the kids books, the comics, the manga, the short stories, AND the eventual TV show on Disney+, there is going to be content in the High Republic that suits most audiences. And that is just what has been announced so far – there is still more to come for phases II and III. This isn’t Star Wars written towards one group or demographic – it is Star Wars for everyone.

DID I MENTION THE FANCY JEDI UNIFORMS?

Because cosplayers and fanartists? This is the era for you. We are getting Jedi in silks with elaborate gold embroidery. Jedi with jewelry other decorative elements. Even the practical field uniforms have tooled and embossed leather. If you want to draw or make Jedi that have some of that that sweet LoTR-esque high fantasy aesthetic, the High Republic has your back. (Not going to lie – I am ALREADY imagining the time travel AUs. Put Obi-Wan in fancy clothes!)

OKAY, YOU’VE SOLD ME. WHERE SHOULD I START?

I strongly recommend everyone looking to get into the High Republic (who is old enough to be on Tumblr) start with Light of the Jedi by Charles Soule. I alternated between the physical book and the audio book, and found it delightful in both formats. After that, you have a lot of options. You can read or listen to the audio book of the YA novel A Test of Courage by Justina Ireland. You can check out the currently running Star Wars: The High Republic comic from Marvel, or the Star Wars: The High Republic Adventures comic from IDW. Or you can skip straight to Into the Dark by Claudia Gray. Honestly, there is no wrong order to try out most of the High Republic.

IN CONLUSION

The High Republic is Star Wars written for people who DON’T want Star Wars to be a good ‘ol boys club for salty white dudes who don’t want to see anything but more of Luke Skywalker. It offers broad representation, and optimistic narrative, and whole bunch of awesome Jedi content. If you are someone who fell in love with Jedi in the prequel era, the High Republic will give you more of what you loved. And if you are totally new to Star Wars? The High Republic is here for you too.

So, go check it. And then go write fic for it (please, there are only, like, 14 fics on AO3, I am dying).

#star wars #the high republic #jedi #long post #recs #book recs #representation #seriously I cannot recommend this highly enough #everything about the high republic is so very tailored to what I love about star wars in general and Jedi specifically #also...sorry I had been absent here #I swear I still love you all #I just have limited interaction spoons these days and spend most of them on costuming stuff

143 notes · View notes

jaskierswolf · 3 years

Note

I’ve got a prompt for you! 💜

Ok, I have no idea why I got this idea just now but it opposed into my head and you’re my fave for Modern AUs so I’m passing it onto you! So like modern college au ski trip where Jaskier twists his ankle on the slopes and has to stay behind while everyone else does a moonlight hike or something. Geralt also stays behind and we get some fireside cuddling. Maybe Lam, Eskel, Aiden, and Coen are there to tease or ship it or something when everyone gets back ☺️ Unsure if it’s happening in a cabin or hotel/resort lobby. But yeah. I’m placing it at your feet, do with it what you will 🤗

(geraskier-trashh)

I’m sorry this took so long!! But here you go my darling!!

Ships: Geraskier and Lambden. Also on AO3

Warnings: Minor injury, and sexual references. _______

Geralt was pacing in the lobby of their hotel. It was nearly half past five and Jaskier should have been back by now. They were in different groups for their ski lessons, Geralt being a more advanced skier than his friend. All the other ski school groups has returned over an hour ago. Only Aiden and Jaskier remained uncounted for. The sun had crept behind the snowy peaks of the surrounding mountains. The ski lift had stopped working and yet there was still no sign of Jaskier and Aiden.

Lambert was lounged out on one of the sofas by the bar, tossing a stress ball into the air and catching it again in a never-ending rhythm. “Relax.” Lambert sighed. “They’ll be fine. They probably just decided to après-ski”

Geralt growled at his brother. “No, not tonight. Jask knows that we’re night skiing tonight. He hasn’t shut up about it all week. He’s been looking forward to skiing to together for a change.”

Lambert snorted. “Don’t know why you’re letting him. He’ll slow you down.”

Geralt rolled his eyes. “And you’re willingly skiing with a snowboarder.”

Aiden was learning to ski in Jaskier’s intermediate group after lunch but Lambert’s boyfriend’s real skill lay with the snowboard. He tore up the slope when he was on his board and spent most of morning in the snow parks doing tricks and flips off the jumps and rails that could be found there.

Lambert grinned dopily. “The things we do for love, white wolf.”

“How come you aren’t more worried? Your boyfriend is missing too.”

Lambert shrugged and ran a hand through the thick red curls on his head. “Ski school said all the groups were back. You know what Aiden and Jaskier are like when they’re together. I’m surprised they’ve not been arrested yet. Our boyfriends are terrible for each other.”

“Not my boyfriend.” Geralt sighed. No matter how many times Geralt said it, Lambert still insisted on calling Jaskier his boyfriend.

“Their phones probably died.” Lambert suggested, completely ignoring Geralt’s protest.

Geralt shook his head. “Jaskier would never let that happen, besides he has a portable charger.”

Lambert rolled his eyes. “They’ll be fine, Geralt.”

Geralt continued his pacing in the lobby and Lambert restarted his game of catch. The thud of the ball landing in his hand was driving Geralt mad. Every catch was a second passed that Jaskier hadn’t returned. He was having visions of the pair of them being lost off the side of the mountain. The idiots had probably decided to take the lift back up without their instructor and gotten injured as a result. Not even the picturesque hotel could calm his nerves. It was warm and bathed in a soft yellow glow. There were paintings of the ski resort hung on the walls. Some of the paintings showed the resort as Geralt knew it, but there were several of the mountains with luscious green grass. Edelweiss flowers were often found engraved into the wooden frames. He took a deep breath to try and calm himself, the warm scent of hot spiced wine filled his nose but it wasn’t enough. He needed the startling blue of Jaskier’s eyes and his gentle chamomile perfume.

The hotel was gorgeous and it was expensive, too expensive but Jaskier’s parents had insisted that Jaskier and his friends had needed a break. The trip had been paid for in full before any of them could protest the cost. The gang insisted on paying for their own drinks though. They refused to let Jaskier’s parents, no matter how rich they were, foot the bill on that one. The hotel overlooked the main slope, a blue run that ran all the way into the village, ending by the bubble lift and a collection of ski rental shops and bars. The best bar for après-ski though was half way up the mountain. Everyone knew that. From their hotel they could often see the drunk skiers and boarders trying to make their way down the hill, at least they could when they weren’t amongst them. Geralt always tried to remain alert enough that he could help Jaskier down. His friend always seemed to forget the steep hill that lay between them and their beds. If it was too bad they would take the snowmobile shuttle back down but Jaskier called him a party pooper when they tried.

From their hotel they could ski in and out of the boot room. It was a luxury Geralt had never known in all his years. He was used to trekking through the snowy villages with his skis on his back, and Jaskier’s too in recent years. The brunet would always whine and pout until Geralt helped to carry his skis. He didn’t mind, not really.

The doors opened letting in an icy breeze. Geralt’s eyes snapped up and the noise of Lambert’s stress ball stopped, bouncing across the tiled floor. Geralt heard the shuffle of fabric but he didn’t look round. Aiden was half carrying a limping Jaskier through the door. Jaskier’s arm was around Aiden’s neck and he had his ski poles in his other hand as a support. Geralt rushed over to help.

“Jaskier!” He growled. “What the fuck happened?”

“We went shopping after skiing. I thought I would be able to buy that painting of the horses you like… as a gift.” Jaskier whined. “But I slipped on some bloody ice. I sprained my ankle. It fucking hurts.”

“Nothing’s broken.” Aiden noted, his soft french accent coming through more strongly like it always did when he got emotional. “We’ve just got back from the hospital.”

Geralt was furious. They’d been all the way to the fucking hospital and no one had said a bloody word.

“Now before you say anything, wolf.” Aiden said sharply. “He landed on his phone and it broke.”

“And yours?” Geralt asked with a raised eyebrow.

Lambert snorted. “As if he charged it last night. He’s a fucking nightmare.” Lambert patted Geralt on the shoulder and then wrapped his arms around Aiden’s waist, burying his face into the snowboarder’s neck. “Hey kitten.”

Geralt hummed and he scooped Jaskier up into his arms. His ankle was clearly hurting him and it would help to take the pressure off of it. Geralt watched his brother for a few seconds, noting the way he melted into Aiden’s embrace, and felt bad. Lambert had been worried…. very worried. He’d just hidden that from Geralt because Geralt had been a fucking mess.

And Jaskier was only his friend.

Friend.

The word felt bitter on his tongue.

How long had it been since he’d thought of Jaskier as a friend? He’d been completely gone on the man for at least a few years now. It had been a completely daft revelation. Jaskier hadn’t been doing anything special or even particularly charming at the time. He’d been asleep on Geralt’s bed after Geralt had gotten back from a pub night with his brothers. The brunet had been drooling all over Geralt’s pillows and wearing one of his shirts as he sprawled like a starfish over the bed, and he’d been snoring.

Geralt had watched his friend sleep for a few minutes before he’d realised the snoring wasn’t even irritating, hell he even found it… cute?

And with that the epiphany had hit him like a truck. He was in love with his best friend.

He’d grabbed a spare pair of boxers from his drawers and gone to sleep in Jaskier’s room. It had taken all his self control not to slid into the single bed next to Jaskier.

He’d been in love with him ever since and stoically ignoring it the best he could. Jaskier was very open in his feelings. If he loved Geralt then Geralt would know. His friend wasn’t exactly subtle.

“Are you alright?” He murmured as he carried Jaskier over to the sofas by the large open fireplace in the lounge area.

Jaskier’s arms were wrapped around his neck and Jaskier snuggled up against his chest. It hurt in some ways. It could be so easily interpreted as something more than it was. Geralt wouldn’t change it for the world. As much as he wished for more, he lived for the calm moments of intimacy that fell between them.

“Yeah.” Jaskier mumbled, his face red from the cold. “It’s sore but I’ll live.”

“You won’t be able to ski tonight.”

Jaskier pouted and groaned. “Geralt! We never get to ski together.”

Geralt chuckled and dumped Jaskier onto the sofa before sliding down next to him. Jaskier shrugged out of his bulky teal ski coat and pulled his snood over his head. His hair messed up completely but Geralt thought it looked endearing. Jaskier dropped the layers on the floor before curling up against Geralt’s chest.

“If it’s alright by the morning then we’ll skip ski school.” He suggested.

“Hmmph.”

“That’s a whole day together.” Geralt draped his arm around Jaskier and pulled him closer.

“It’s more romantic at night.” Jaskier sighed.

Geralt’s heart stammered in his chest and he felt the heat rising in his cheeks. “Romantic?”

“I meant… fuck.” Jaskier tried to shuffle away but Geralt grabbed his arm and then brought his hand up to Jaskier’s cheek.

“Romantic?” He asked again, his voice low and unsure in his words.

“Ah well. Freudian slip.” Jaskier bit his lip and his soft blue eyes were looking everywhere except at Geralt.

“Jaskier.”

“Yes, darling?”

“Did. Did you want it to be…”

“Yes.” Jaskier answered too quickly. “Of course I do. The whole world knows that, Geralt.” He covered Geralt’s hand with his own and his cheek pressed into Geralt’s palm. “But I know you don’t and that’s alright, dear friend.”

“I don’t?” Geralt asked with a smirk.

Jaskier frowned. “You don’t… Do you?”

Geralt tilted his head and brushed his thumb along Jaskier’s cheek. “I. I do yeah.”

Jaskier’s eyes widened. His face flushed even darker than before. Geralt usually would have said the soft glow of the fire was to blame but he was starting to wonder.

“This could. Well, I mean.” Jaskier gestured to the fireplace. “This could also be… romantic?”

Geralt let out a shaky breath and rested his forehead against Jaskier’s, his eyes shutting on their own accord. “Yeah?”

“Hmm.” Jaskier agreed and Geralt could feel his warm breath against his skin.

“Careful. “ He murmured. “You’re starting to sound like me.”

“God forbid.” Jaskier laughed and captured Geralt’s lips in a kiss.

Geralt hummed against Jaskier’s lips, still cold from the icy weather outside. Jaskier’s hands slid into Geralt’s hair and Geralt couldn’t resist pushing Jaskier down onto the sofa so his back hit the soft cushions. His lips brushed from Jaskier’s lips along his jaw and he nipped at the soft skin of his swanlike neck.

“Geralt…” Jaskier gasped quietly and a hand squeezed his arse.

Geralt gave a low growled before sucking hard at the pale skin under his lips, biting gently until a dark bruise began to form. Once he was satisfied by the mark he kissed the tender skin before pressing their lips together once more. Jaskier moaned into the kiss and one of his legs wrapped around Geralt’s arse.

“Oi!”

They broke apart, panting and red faced. Jaskier groaned and buried his face against Geralt’s shoulder. “Fuck.” He muttered.

Geralt smirked at Lambert, not caring that they’d been caught. He was too happy to care. “Brother.”

“You have a room.” Lambert snapped. “Use it.”

“Darling, it’s young love. Be nice.” Aiden purred and pressed a kiss to Lambert’s cheek. “We were going to see if you were still coming out skiing tonight but I see you’ve finally got your head out of your arse instead. Have fun boys, be safe. Don’t do anything I would do.”

Geralt laughed. “Isn’t that supposed to be don’t do what you wouldn’t do?”

Aiden winked. “There isn’t much I wouldn’t do, white wolf.”

Jaskier finally emerged from Geralt’s shoulder and held his hand out. Aiden high-fived it with a smirk before Lambert dragged his boyfriend away towards the stairs. “We need to get ready kitten.”

“But darling.” Aiden said loudly, making sure everyone in the lobby could hear. “I’ve been waiting all day to get you out of those clothes.”

“Fuck.” Lambert cursed. “Little shit, upstairs.”

“You love me!”

“Fuck knows why. Come on.” Lambert gave him a shove up the stairs.

“Stop acting like you’re the one in charge, wolf.” Aiden sang sweetly. “Everyone knows how much you like to beg for—”

Aiden’s words were cut off by Lambert’s hand over his mouth.

Geralt grinned before turning back to Jaskier. He gently brushed Jaskier’s hair out of his eyes and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “You wanna take this upstairs?” He asked gently.

To his surprise Jaskier shook his head. “Not yet.”

Geralt raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t get me wrong, I am very interested in continuing this upstairs.” Jaskier gently thrust his hips up to make his point. Geralt groaned softly as he felt Jaskier’s erection rub against his. “But I’d like to enjoy the fire a little longer first. It really is rather romantic. A warm fireplace in an alpine hotel with snowy mountains outside.”

“Romantic bastard.” Geralt laughed and bumped their noses together gently.

“Yes, but I am your romantic bastard.” Jaskier paused and licked his lips. “If you’ll have me.”

Geralt sat up, his legs straddling Jaskier’s waist. He rested his hands on Jaskier’s chest. “Mine.” He said softly. “And I’m yours, if you’ll have me?”

Jaskier laughed, his blues eyes crinkling in the corners and Geralt’s heart felt warmer at the sound his melodic laugh. “Of course I’ll have you, you daft idiot.”

Geralt grinned and leant back down to rest his head on Jaskier’s chest. “Hmm.” He replied, hoping Jaskier would understand his words. If anyone could translate then it would be Jaskier, but he was suddenly feeling almost overwhelmed by the emotions in his chest, the happiness. Words just didn’t seem like enough.

Jaskier’s fingers gently combed through his hair and he let his eyes close as he focused on the steady flutter of Jaskier’s heartbeat. “I love you too.” Jaskier murmured. Geralt smiled against Jaskier’s chest. Jaskier heartbeat raced a little faster.

“Mine.” Geralt repeated in a whisper.

“Yours.” Jaskier agreed. __________

Tag list: @alwenarin @slythnerd @davidtennan-t @flippinfricks @awitchersbard @innocentcinnamonpun @marvagon @elliestormfound @geraskier-trashh @panerato @moonysourenza @artistsfuneral @victorieschild @hailhailsatan @wherethewordsare @havenoffandoms @bitchy-witchy-post-mortem @electricrituals @geralt-of-riviass @00qtee @kittynannygaming @stinastar @caspertheassholeghost @feraljaskier

#the witcher #geraskier #lambden #modern au #skiing #lambert x aiden #laiden #geralt/jaskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier pankratz #wolfie's witcher writing #suddenly-a-twilight-blog

258 notes · View notes

got-svt · 3 years

Text

radio star: a svt social media au

summary: when yn accepts a job at her campus’ radio station her first year in uni, she didn’t expect she’d be anonymously singing stressed out university students to sleep. now, a year and a half in, she didn’t expect that there’d be people trying to figure out her identity either. genre: college au, slice of life, humor, fluff, angst pairing: ??? x f!reader

(masterlist)

warning: please don’t read unless you’ve read/been to part thirty-four !! this is the endgame point so tread cautiously ! but if you have read it or you came from there, then…enjoy;)

part thirty-five: slowly, surely

“Yeah, I’ll go.”

Joshua’s eyes lit up at at your reply despite the fact that he wanted to make it seem like he wasn’t utterly delighted at your decision to join him. He holds the door open for you, trying to make sure the the faint red that flushed his cheeks wasn’t in the least bit noticeable as you walk past him.

It was significantly darker now, not a single trace of the sun, streets illuminated by bright lampposts that lined the path and the faint early evening moonlight. A gentle breeze blows through his hair, buildings towered over the two of you, students excited to make their way home walk past, you run into tired professors just wanting to get some well-deserved rest.

There was always something quite alluring in the way the campus felt in the early evening, shrouded by the eager desire to go out with friends or take a break from academics. It was evident in the excited chatter from a few feet behind you, voices animatedly talking about a movie he had never heard about.

There was a small smile on your lips, and Joshua couldn’t help but wonder what exactly was going through your mind. Were you thinking about him? He shook his head, not meaning to be too presumptuous. Still, he couldn’t help the slight tug on his heartstring sat the thought of you thinking of him — that he could possibly be reason that the corners of your mouth twitched upwards in a soft smile.

Joshua didn’t know what to say, walking side by side with you in the early evening as he lead the way to his favorite takeout place. Your hands would sometimes accidentally brush against his, it took everything in him not to take your hand and hold it in his. He wondered how it must feel, to feel your touch against his. Did your hands hold the same warmth you did? Would it provide him the same level of comfort that your very presence did?

He internally groaned, he shouldn’t be having such thoughts. Not when he promised that everything between the two of you would be paused while you figured your own emotions out. Joshua respected that, of course he did. He didn’t want you to feel any sort of discomfort in being with him, and if he would have to spend the next few months trying to prove to you he was sincere in efforts towards you, he would do so. And he’d do it happily too.

But there was also small pangs of pain in his chest, remembering the hurt he caused you, the one that lead to your blooming relationship being paused in the first place. He didn’t mean to fall for you the way that he did, he didn’t mean to do it so quickly too. Joshua wasn’t the type to fall hard and fast, at least that was what he thought until you came barrelling into his life — all smiles, red cheeks at his attempts at teasing you, and playful shoves at his shoulders. But he also knew you were possibly one of the strongest people he had ever met. Everything you had gone through the past couple of weeks proved nothing but that, he couldn’t help but fall for you more in the process.

And no part of him expected that you would be moonriver either, the person behind the voice he admired for so long. Joshua didn’t know how he felt when he first found out. He didn’t even know he was blankly staring at a wall until Jeonghan threw a pillow at him, snapping him out of his trance.

Sure, he was happy, he was able to meet the person he admired but did it change the way he felt about you — Yn — the person he had gotten to know the past few weeks. Joshua didn’t know anything about moonriver, he only knew her voice. But Yn, he knew her beyond what she sounded like when she sang. Joshua knew her personality — her intelligence, wit, her kindness and sincerity. He actually knew what you looked like — how your brows furrowed when you got annoyed, the pot on your lips when you got sad, the crinkle in your eyes when you smiled. Sure, he didn’t know you as well as other people did, but he was more than willing to learn.

Joshua loved you, that much he was sure of. No one could possibly tell him otherwise.

“You okay?” Your voice snapped him out of his train of thought, his gaze shifting ever so slightly to you before going back on the road ahead, “You’ve been quiet all this time. I’m not sure if that’s entirely like you.”

A hand makes its way to the back of his head as he let out a nervous chuckle, “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

You hummed, tilting your head to the side in the process, clearly skeptical of his answer, “Are you sure about that?”

Joshua wasn’t sure how to answer anymore, at least without giving away the thoughts that revealed how strongly he felt for you, so he responded with a question of his own instead, “Is there any reason why you came to our dorm? I appreciate it, but it’s usually me and Jeonghan who would show up to your place unexpected.”

“Oh.” Your voice had gotten much quieter, looking down at your feet, “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Me?” Joshua replied, brows raising up in shock, “What did you need to talk about?”

You opened your mouth to answer before closing it again, the words escaping you entirely. You stopped walking, Joshua moving a few steps ahead of you before he noticed that you were no longer matching his stride. He stopped walking as well, turning to look at you, concern so very clearly etched on his face — it almost made you feel guilty for worrying him.

Lucky for the two of you had stopped in front of a bench, the warm orange glow of the lamppost that stood a couple of feet beside it. Joshua tilted his head towards the bench, implying that you sit there with him for whatever it was you wanted to talk about with him. A sigh escaped your lips as he made your way over and sat down, with Joshua following you. He looked at you one more time in concern before sitting, leaving a bit of space between the two of you.

“You look like you had just seen a ghost, whatever we’re talking about must be pretty serious, huh?” Joshua spoke, offering you a small smile in the process, breaking the silence that once again descended over the two of you. But you couldn’t meet his eyes, still focused on your hands neatly folded on your lap. Joshua’s smile falters, speaking to you in the softest tone he could muster, “What’s wrong?”

“I want to be with you.” You whispered, just loud enough for Joshua to hear. You didn’t know why you were nervous now, not when you practically sprinted to his dorms the second you ended your call with Wonwoo. Maybe the reality of the situation, the gravity of what it meant to finally vocalize your feelings for him was finally settling on you. “I enjoyed the time we spent together, I didn’t want it to end.”

Joshua felt his heart skip a beat, but how come you sounded so dejected when the words left your lips? Why couldn’t you look at him? This was a good thing, wasn’t it? His heart shattered just as quickly as it skipped, voice now as quiet and as unsure as yours, “Why do you seem so sad about it?”

“I’m not sad about it, more scared actually…” You mumbled, admitting your feelings not only to Joshua, but to yourself as well. Feelings you tried so hard to ignore and suppress, making it seem like they weren’t that serious by convincing yourself you felt something else for other people too.

“What are you scared of?”

“That I’m not going to be enough for you. That you created this idea of what moonriver would be like in your head and I’m going to end up disappointing you. What if you get bored or tired and leave?” You didn’t realize that you had started crying, a few tears escaping your eyes but you tried your best to blink them back. You didn’t mean to sound so dejected, or weak for that matter.

Joshua couldn’t believe what he was hearing, was this the reason you were holding back on being with him? He couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty too, just because he knew that he loved you didn’t mean that you were magically going to know it too. It’s not like you knew how to read his mind.

His hand makes its way to your face, gently forcing you to look up at him. Joshua felt an ache in his chest at the sight of your tears, not realizing that he had caused you this much pain and uncertainty. “I’m sorry.”

Joshua’s voice broke at the very last syllable, causing you to widen your eyes in surprise. You didn’t expect an apology, let alone one at this level of sincerity. He wiped away your tears with his thumb before it moves back down to his side.

“I’m really sorry for making you feel like my feelings for you aren’t genuine, that I’m with you just because you’re moonriver. Because that couldn’t be further from the truth. Yeah, asking you out a few days after I found out about you being moonriver wasn’t the best move, but believe me when I tell you that what I feel is for you, Yn.”

“Then why did you do it, ask me out when you found out?”

Joshua wanted to come up with a justification, he searched the deepest recesses of his mind for any sort of reason, only to come up empty handed. He didn’t know why he had done it either, in the moment, it just felt right. There was nothing to it other than that. “I don’t know.”

Your face fell, features downcast as your gaze landed back on your lap. Joshua immediately notices and speaks up before another seed of doubt could plant itself in your mind.

“But I do know that what I feel for you and the admiration I have for moonriver are two different things. Yes, I do like moonriver’s voice, but I fell in love with you. I knew I had feelings for you before I even found out. I would’ve fallen for you regardless of the fact that you’re moonriver. How could I not? You’re kind, funny, smart, and absolutely beautiful. When I’m with you, you make me feel like I’m walking on air. I’m constantly afraid my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I know it’s something I’ve said before, but I’ll keep saying it as long as there is still some doubt in your mind about what I feel for you.”

You didn’t know what to say, you wanted to say something — at least you felt like you should. It’s hard to believe that this was the same man who pranked you in a coffee shop weeks ago, the one you tried to strangle within a few days of meeting him. He was different, no longer flirty and playful, but impassioned and earnest. You thought about the past few days, how he found ways to constantly assure you that he was there for you, looked for ways to make you feel better without you even having to ask for it.

“Okay.” You spoke, startling him. Joshua was so sure you’d reject him, just because you liked him or wanted to be with him didn’t mean you’d actually do it. You had to think of yourself first, and he understood that. But when you said the next few words, the feeling of heartache that slowly started to consume him started to disappear.

“We’ll unpause.”

“Thank you,” Joshua smiled, almost breathless. He brings your forehead to his, “and we’ll go at your pace too.”

Joshua knew he was in love with you, he knew that he fell too hard and possibly a little too fast, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was what he felt for you, something he’s sure was more real than anything in the world. The pace in your relationship would have to be slower than most, building trust and having moments of constant reassurance along the way. But Joshua believed in the intensity and the sincerity of what he felt, not minding that he had a long way to go before convincing you. He knew that slowly, but surely, you would come to believe it too.

And eventually, you did.

joshua’s epilogue <33

#radio star svt au

85 notes · View notes

itsamejin · 4 years

Text

it’s you || part 2 (finale) || taehyung angst/fluff || hanahaki au ||

Part 1

Summary: You’d rather live with thorns endlessly scratching the back of your throat than be devoid of the light that Taehyung brought into your life. Even if your love for him was slowly killing you, you didn’t mind as long as you could keep the warmth of his presence until the very end.

Warning: Mentions of throwing up and death

Genre: Fluff, Angst, hanahaki!au, college!au, fuckboy!tae

Pairing: Taehyung x female!reader

Premise: Hanahaki Disease comes in different forms in this universe. The disease would eventually disappear if your love wasn’t that strong to begin with, but if you truly, deeply love someone, your flowers will rip at your throat. Throwing up flowers wasn’t a rare occurrence and for most people it disappeared after a few days. If Hanahaki persists, surgery is recommended, but it would severely dull the positive emotions of the person under surgery. Due to this, some choose to die with their unrequited love.

Commission Request: @guksflavor

Word Count: 6,524 words

—

The sound of Taehyung’s body hitting the floor woke you up from unconsciousness. When your blurry eyes had started to focus and your ears were beginning to register the screaming, panic had hit you like a ton of bricks.

“You fucking heard me,” Jungkook’s voice resounded. “You gave her Hanahaki.”

Taehyung stood up, tears staining his cheeks, and sucked in deep breaths. His teeth were bleeding from the impact of Jungkook’s fist and his mind ached from his words. It just didn’t feel real to him. It didn’t feel like a possibility.

You sat up on the bed, horrified at what you were witnessing. Jungkook, who had sworn to you that he wouldn’t tell a soul, betrayed you in your presence. Nothing hurt more, though, than the pained expression Taehyung carried, like the idea of being loved by you physically hurt him.

“You had no right,” you whimper quietly, enough for your two wounded best friends to turn their heads toward your brooding figure. “You had no fucking right Jungkook.”

“[Y/N], I-” Jungkook started, but couldn't do anything else as you screamed for him to not take another step forward.

“Get out,” you spew as small sobs escape your lips, “both of you.”

Jungkook pleaded with his eyes as if begging for forgiveness, but you refused to look up at him. Taehyung, on the other hand, grabbed his coat and rushed to leave. His mind was cloudy and he needed time to think, the hospital air suffocating him. Jungkook grabbed his wrist.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Jungkook asks through gritted teeth, gripping him strongly.

Taehyung pulled his hand away roughly, giving him a death glare. He wasn’t in the mood for any more confrontations and he couldn’t bear to see your crying face any longer. Before he stepped out, Taehyung took one last look at you.

“I’m so sorry, [Y/N],” he says before exiting. Jungkook glares at his leaving figure with disappointment etched all over his face. Just because you asked him to leave doesn’t mean that he actually should.

“Do you see what I fucking mean, [Y/N]?” Jungkook rants, striding to your bedside. “Why am I the one here and not him? He doesn’t deserve you [Y/N]. The sooner you realize that the sooner you’ll get better.”

You shook your head quietly as you tried to steady your breathing. Jungkook patted you on the back as you continued to cry onto your blanketed lap.

“I told you to leave Jungkook,” you reply, attempting to steady your voice.

“And I told you to get that fucking surgery,” he says seriously, “but look where we are now.”

You cry harder as he comes closer to hug you. Although Jungkook might have ruined any chance of you having a beautiful last memory of Taehyung, it felt comforting to have someone assure you- to have a shoulder to lean on.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Jungkook mutters into your hair.

“Yeah,” you choke out. “I still love him, though.”

You felt Jungkook shiver in your arms. You realized then that the man who usually stayed silent, the best friend who rarely showed affection, was crying.

“I don’t want you to die,” he cries into your shoulder. “Please, [Y/N]. Please get the surgery.”

You shake your head as you sob louder. Jungkook held onto you tightly as if you would disappear the moment he let you go. He doubts he’d talk to Taehyung again after that fight and if he loses you too... then he doesn’t quite know how he’d live with himself.

“I don’t want to die either Jungkook,” you muster out. “I don’t want to die.”

Your words were barely legible as you started to cough uncontrollably. Small petals started to escape your mouth and it made you cry harder at how horrible the timing was. Jungkook ran out of the room to call a nurse, concern dredging his already harrowed face.

“I don’t want to die,” you repeat as the lasting image of a nurse rushing towards you is consumed by darkness.

—

Taehyung ran to his apartment, locking the door behind him like he was in danger. He collapsed on the floor, his body pressed up against the door. It felt as if his mind was conceptualizing everything and nothing at the same time. He tried shaking his head to clear his thoughts, but it only made his headache worse.

He didn't even realize how badly he was shaking, how badly he felt his heart constrict in his chest. Why had you not told him? Why were you choosing to suffer all alone? And why wouldn’t you get that damn surgery?

Taehyung struggled to stand up, not even bothering to turn on any of the lights as he walked to his room. Before he could drop himself into bed, he caught sight of himself on the mirror that faced his bedroom door. Taehyung walked closer to it, seeing the reflection of his shadowed figure on it. He cringed at the small outlines of his face battered and bruised. It would be hard to show up to class the next morning with a black eye and dried blood on his lips. He looked closer, particularly into his own eyes and how they shined in the moonlight. They would usually crinkle in happiness, but now they looked nothing more than hollow.

Taehyung knew he shouldn’t have left- that he should’ve stayed to reassure you and that this changed nothing about your friendship. Yet everything was happening too quickly for him to register and he couldn’t lie and say that this didn’t make him view things differently.

Taehyung realized that you were dying because of him. You were dying over an idiot that can’t commit to relationships easily, a fool who thinks more about sex than love. He grimaced at his past habits, wondering how he could ever let it get this bad.

He doesn’t know when he could last hear your laugh or see your smile or hug your frame. Somehow the image of you lifeless on a hospital bed is what made the tears come down naturally.

—

As usual, Taehyung skipped class, but not for the usual excuse. He went to his favorite Thai restaurant, ordered some Tom Yam Kung and Mango Sticky Rice, and headed to the hospital. He was noticeably nervous, his palms sweating from the lack of preparation. Taehyung was planning on apologizing for last night’s events, but he couldn’t muster up the courage to practice any written speech. He figured he could wing it, that you’d be willing to forgive him for picking a fight with Jungkook, forcing information out of him, and ultimately fleeing when he got said information.

As he was met with the front door of your hospital room, he sucked in a deep breath. Taehyung knew this apology would most likely end with him in tears, but he needed to see you- no matter how hurt he’ll be in the end.

He knocks once and slides the door open without hesitation. You sat upon the bed, hollowly watching whatever news channel was on the hospital TV. Your expression darkened as you saw him approach you. It wasn’t like you were mad at him- more upset with Jungkook than anything- but you didn’t know if you could face him after your feelings were made known.

“Hi,” you croaked out, voice extremely damaged from the night before. You had passed out before you could spew out any more hydrangeas, but it still left scarring.

He approaches you, laying the Thai food on the desk that was attached to the hospital bed. He sat on the chair Jungkook had slept in the night before.

“How are you feeling?” he asks solemnly. “Your voice-”

“Yeah,” you cut him off. “It sounds bad, huh?”

You try to laugh, but it came out as small wheezes, only pushing him to be more concerned. Taehyung looks around the room so you wouldn’t feel as embarrassed. He wanted to distract himself from the sadness of it all.

“Where’s Jungkook?”

Your face softened at his name. When you had woken up, he was sleeping next to you on the chair with furrowed brows. You had sent him home, promising you’d still be alive after he takes a shower and attends his classes.

“He went to class,” you say. “Like some other people I know should be doing....”

Taehyung shook his head and stood up. He untied the knot to the plastic bag and took the food out. You couldn’t quite read his face, not really knowing what he was thinking.

“Tae you know I can’t eat-”

“I know. Who says these are for you?” he says seriously, but with a teasing glint in his eyes. A lighter approach would work much better. It would hurt less to talk about it too straightforwardly.

“Jerk,” you mutter, shaking your head in fake annoyance. “Go ahead and eat then asshole.”

“I will,” he sticks his tongue out. “Enjoy watching me.”

You muster out a chuckle before you start to cough again. You grab the open water bottle on the nightstand and gulp it down until it was almost finished. Taehyung watched with worried eyes as he broke his chopsticks in half. You set down the water, embarrassed that he had to witness you struggle so much from just a laugh.

“I’m sorry, [Y/N],” he whispers. “For everything.”

You purse your lips. An apology was the last thing you needed from him.

“I don’t regret falling in love with you, Tae,” you start. “I want you to know that.”

He bows his head and bites the inside of his cheek. No matter how cold you were towards him at times, you still cared for him so much. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve you.

“If I had known earlier-”

“Nothing would change,” you smile sadly, ruffling his hair to get him to look up at you. “Forcing yourself to like me shouldn’t be an option you think about, Tae.”

He raises his head and takes the hand that was on his head into his own.

“Is it okay if I hold your hand like this?” he asks, concerned you might have another flower fit. He had read somewhere that physical touch causes more pain to the Hanahaki patient.

You nod your head in response, lightly squeezing his hand with the very little power you had left in your body. His heart skipped a beat at how longingly you looked at him, an expression he hasn’t quite seen before.

“It’s fine. They put me on really strong suppressants last night. This should be okay.”

“Why do you need suppressants?”

You hesitate to answer, knowing he’d only be more concerned if you told him that you fainted. You could feel his panic in how sweaty his palms were already. He could already tell the gist of what happened by the look in your eyes and he condemned himself even more.

“Fuck [Y/N], I’m so sorry,” he closes his eyes to compose himself. “I shouldn't have been a coward and I should’ve been more considerate to your feelings when I always dragged you and Jungkook out to clubs and I should’ve stopped asking you to give me your friends’ numbers and-”

You shushed him, smiling at how he went off in a tangent. Even in sad moments like this, Taehyung was so undeniably cute.

“Tae, it’s fine,” you reassure. “I don’t hate you.”

“You should,” he replies, “because I really hate myself right now.”

“Don’t,” you say, brushing his bangs out of his face. His face was still badly beaten up from the night before. “I just want good memories with you from now on.”

Taehyung smiles sadly at you. His heart clenched at your words and his lips quivered as if he was holding back a sob.

“I’ll try, [Y/N].”

He clutches your hand tighter as he sees you on the verge of tears. Taehyung doesn’t want to push you to get the surgery; he knows by now that you already made up your mind. There was nothing else he could do except watch as one of his best friends slowly fall out of his reach. He just knows that he’ll miss you. He knows he will.

—

A week passed and Jungkook and Taehyung still refused to talk to each other. They had miraculously coordinated their schedules so that it was impossible to run into each other while they visited you. The one time they had, you were forced to watch them try and avoid each other’s gazes as Jungkook made his way into the hospital room with a large teddy bear. Taehyung had whined to you about him the next day, saying that Jungkook was holding a grudge against him.

“He’s being a dick to me,” he starts, “more than usual.”

“Well maybe if you hadn’t assumed the worst out of him then you wouldn’t have gotten knocked out,” you rolled your eyes.

“Just so you know, I threw the first punch,” he chides.

“Yeah and look who has the more busted face?” you chuckled.

The coughs worsened and sometimes the suppressants weren’t enough to fully push down the flowers, so you would throw up small petals during that small time frame when Taehyung left and Jungkook was yet to come. It felt like you had fooled Jungkook into thinking you had gotten better, but he would always scold you every time he came over and heard your worsening voice.

“You need to stop letting him see you,” he says roughly. “The doctors literally told you it would be more dangerous if he keeps hanging around you.”

“Jungkook, I want to see him,” you reply hoarsely. “I’m pretty sure it would hurt more if I wasn’t able to see him before I-”

He cuts you off before you can say it. Jungkook was always upset when you said the word die, as if not saying it would make it any less of a reality. He thought there was still a chance- a chance to save you.

“It’s not too late to get the surgery,” he says through a sigh. “Just let me know and I’ll call the doctor in here right now.”

You groan at his insistence, figuring he’d be sick with the nagging by now. You laid down on the bed, turning away from his sitting form.

“Jungkook,” you warn quietly, “If I have to say it again-”

“I know, I know,” he says, standing up. “But every time I walk in here you look worse than the day before. This isn’t right [Y/N].”

When you didn’t reply back, he only sighed out in frustration. You were acting like a child again.

“It’s getting late so I’m gonna head out, but remember what I said. If you ever decide to change your mind, I’ll take care of you after the surgery. I’m not gonna leave you alone.

You close your eyes, feigning sleep. You clenched the bedsheets as you heard him walk away.

“You won’t turn out like your mom, I promise you.”

You clenched your teeth. How dare he bring that up?

“Make sure to close the door on your way out,” you reply angrily.

—

You sat on the couch in front of the window, a massive notebook in your lap. You scribbled on it without much thought, words pouring onto the sheet of paper without hesitation. It was the letters you were planning to write to all the close people in your life. Just an hour earlier, the nurses had come in to inform you that the doctor wanted to speak with you.

“[Y/N], it seems the disease is getting ready to...,” the doctor stumbled slightly, not knowing how to phrase the next part. “It’s getting ready to come to an end.”

To you, it was obvious he meant that your time was ticking. He advised you to start making calls to any loved ones and finalize a will, though you don’t know what real assets a college student working part-time could hand over to anybody.

You had decided on giving away your remaining belongings to charity and putting Jungkook in charge of separating your items from your dorm room. You would give Taehyung all your plushies and sentimental items, hoping he could work out an agreement to split the items with Jungkook even if you were gone.

You hoped that they would reconcile, preferably when you still had the chance to be with them one last time, but beggars can’t really be choosers. It hurt to see your best friends avoid each other because of you and so, you wrote letters to them that would detail just how important they were to your life and how important they were to each other. It motivated you, knowing they’d read it and maybe find a way to forgive each other for the black eyes they were still nursing.

You started with Jungkook’s, a little easier to write because you knew exactly what you wanted to tell him.

To Jungkook,

If you’re reading this then that means I’m gone and I know you’re probably punching the air right now at how stupid I am, but I just wanted to say something to you before you start crying reading this. I know you’re a little more sensitive than you let on.

Before anything else, I want to say thank you. Thank you for drawing these beautiful flowers on my skin and being there for me when no one else was. You are the only person I told about what happened with my mom and you listened to me without being the judgmental prick you usually are. I know you want me to live, more than anyone else, but I hope you understand one day why I can’t.

You know Tae. You know how happy he made me. If I chose to live without loving him, I wouldn’t be me. I’d be alive, but I’d barely be living.

Jungkook, there’s not a lot of words I can use to express how much I needed you in my life. Genuinely and truthfully, you were the glue that held our friendship together. You were my voice of reason and I am so happy I got to know a person like you in the short time I’ve lived on this earth.

I hope that you’ll be able to experience a mutual love in the way I couldn’t. I hope you have a wonderful life in the future and that I’ll be a good memory to tell your kids one day. You deserve to grow out of that tattoo shop and start your own. You deserved to have finished college without the added trauma of having your best friend die on you. I’m sorry I caused all this pain, but I know you can get through it. I know you can get through life without me. I wish I wasn’t so stubborn till the very end-

Tears had started to drop on the notepad, smearing the black ink just a tad bit. You had to collect yourself to continue, looking out the window to prevent the tears from hitting the paper. You took in a deep breath and continued.

but Jungkook you know me. And you know that I’ll miss you, no matter what happens to me after this has all passed. My final wish to you is that you and Tae keep me in your memories and stop fighting all the time. I’ll find a way to get back to you guys somehow (though I don’t know what will happen to me after death) so please stay together and wait for me until then. I promise I’ll find a way back to you guys. I promise.

You gently ripped the piece of paper you had written on and folded it in half, setting it underneath the notepad. You’d ask the nurse for an envelope later. You stared blankly at the new and empty page, a wet mark of your tears remained from the previous paper. You racked your brain for words to say to Taehyung. You had to be honest, that’s the only way you could leave this world peacefully. Not even bothering to write a greeting for him as you did with Jungkook, you let the words flow out of your pen easily.

—

“What the fuck is this?” Jungkook asks you, his hands shaking as he held the envelope in his hand. It was as light as air, but it felt so heavy between his fingers.

“A letter,” you say, by then your throat was already too strained to speak too loudly. “To read after I pass.”

He shakes his head, thrusting it back towards you.

“I’m not reading it [Y/N],” he replies through gritted teeth. “If you want me to fucking read it then you need to get the surgery.”

“Really?” you ask him, anger bubbling up within your chest.

“You can’t just expect me to stand here and take your last words and be okay with that-”

“Really Jungkook? You’re really gonna argue with me about this?”

He refused to make eye contact, noticeably upset. You shook your head out of agitation.

“Just listen to me for once, Jungkook,” you say dangerously low.

“That’s all I’ve been doing,” he clenches his fist. “I’m tired of listening when it feels like I can’t even do anything to help you [Y/N].”

You beckon him to face you, grabbing the letter you wrote for Taehyung on your nightstand.

“You’ve done more than enough, Jungkook,” you say with a sad smile.

“I haven’t done shit,” he chuckles sadly, clutching the letter harder. Was he supposed to watch as his best friend suffers through a curable terminal disease?

“But if you want to make it up to me,” you start, with a mischievous glint in your eyes. “Give this to Taehyung.”

He looks at the envelope with doubt laced in his eyes.

“He doesn’t deserve a fucking letter [Y/N].”

You glare at him until he begrudgingly takes the letter from your hand.

“It’s not gonna work you know,” he says, rolling his eyes. “I’m gonna hold a grudge against him for the rest of my life for giving you this fucking disease.”

You sigh.

“Just try?” you ask pleadingly. “For me?”

—

A few days passed and Jungkook sulked in the hallway of Taehyung’s apartment complex, waiting for him to show up. His shoulders tensed each time he heard the elevator doors open. He didn’t quite know how to talk to Taehyung without spewing out an insult, but he knew he had to muscle through it for your sake. He waited and waited, until eventually, a guy with a cut across his cheek walked past him, scrolling through his phone. Jungkook smirked at how unaware of his surroundings he still was.

“Yo,” he says, grabbing Taehyung by the elbow as his figure approached his. Taehyung glared at the hand that wrapped around him and pulled back aggressively when he saw who it was.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” “Don’t worry,” he sighs out of exasperation, “I’m here to deliver something.”

Jungkook took the letter out of the back pocket of his jeans. He grabbed Taehyung’s empty hand and slaps the crumpled envelope on his hand.

“[Y/N] wants you to read this after she...” Jungkook swallowed as he feels his words falter, “eventually passes away.”

Taehyung wouldn’t let the glare go, but clutches onto the letter, bringing it to his side as if Jungkook would take it away from him.

“Why are you the one giving it to me?”

Jungkook rolls his eyes.

“Because she wants us to be civil. Make up or whatever.”

Taehyung lets out a scoff.

“And you?” he mocks. “Why would you agree?”

Jungkook clenches his fist and walks toward his friend- if he could call him that anymore. He places a firm hand on Taehyung’s left shoulder and looks him straight in the eye.

“I agreed because I know it’s no use in hating you over something you can’t control,” he starts, “and because I know you’ll read that letter right away anyway. I figure I’d stay to at least watch you cry.”

Taehyung chuckles and Jungkook broke out into a toothy grin himself.

“So I’m guessing you read your own letter?”

Jungkook nods, smiling sadly.

“[Y/N] shouldn’t trust us so blindly sometimes. Of course, I was gonna read it right when she gave it to me.”

Taehyung shook his head, feigning disappointment.

“Did you cry?”

Jungkook smirked.

“I held it in when I first read it,” he started, a blush forming in his cheeks, “but when I was in the shower afterward I started fucking sobbing. You’ll probably start crying after the first word.”

Taehyung chuckled lightly, punching Jungkook in the shoulder.

“I’m gonna cry, alright...” he zones out, opening the envelope and unfolding the large piece of paper. He bit his lip lightly, too afraid to read it silently. With shaky hands, he announced the words out loud to ease his mind just a bit.

Truth be told, I tried to make myself hate you, Kim Taehyung. When I found out I got Hanahaki after you kissed me on my cheek, I was so pissed that I let myself fall for you.

The two boys laugh softly. Sure enough, Taehyung was already biting back tears that were starting to form. His heart sank with each word he enunciated, but he continued on with a wavering voice.

I know the kind of person you are, Tae and for the hundredth time: no, I don’t blame you. You’re gonna spend the rest of eternity hating yourself if I don’t keep repeating this. Yeah, it was annoying that you always tried to flirt with my friends, but I doubt you knowing my feelings would have stopped that.

Jungkook let out a cackle, surprised that you were staying light-hearted in your letter to him.

“She’s right, you know.”

Taehyung ignored his words, reading further.

You wouldn’t be the Taehyung I’d fallen in love with if you weren’t overly flirtatious and clingy. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this directly, but I love you Taehyung. I love you so fucking much. You gave me so much hope, so much light, and so much to live for.

Taehyung felt something else well up in him that was neither tears nor guilt- something foreign.

I’m sad I can’t see the three of us grow old together or flourish in our future careers, but I know that you’ll get through the struggles of adult life as long as you and Jungkook stay together.

Jungkook laughs to himself and Taehyung glares up at him.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing’s funny, man,” Jungkook sighs to the ceiling. “I’m just realizing how fucked up this all is.”

Tae if I was being really honest with you... I don’t want to die. I really don’t. I was starting to think that you fell in love with me because I didn’t throw up flowers yesterday or the day before that, but it’s just the suppressants. There’s still a small hope that you’d fall in love with me and that we could make things work out, but the chances of it happening are so slim. I’ve learned to accept it by now... that you won’t love me back.

I wanted you to read this letter after I pass away because I didn’t want your feelings to waiver, for you to trick yourself into loving me only to end up hating me later on. My dad fell out of love with my mom and... she was never the same after that. I don’t want that to be us Tae. I want us to have only good memories of each other.

Jungkook patted Taehyung’s back, as he struggled to read with the tears in his eyes. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t bear this pain any longer.

I’ll love you even after death, Taehyung, just as much as I love you now. And for the hundredth and one time: no, I do not blame you. I can’t blame you for the beautiful flowers that I now know the names of by heart and I can’t blame you for not loving me back. I can’t blame you for anything Tae. I love you and that’s all that matters. I want you to know, most of all, that I didn’t die for you- I died for myself. I love you Tae.

Sincerely,

Your Guardian Angel :)

Taehyung didn’t quite know when he had stopped reading the letter and started to sink to the ground, balled up in a puddle of his own tears. Jungkook had read the rest towards the end. He too was a wreck, but he hid it well.

“I can’t fucking do it Jungkook,” he sobs. “I don’t think I can live without her.”

Jungkook crouched in front of him, not really knowing how to comfort a crying Taehyung. This was the first time he’d ever seen him show this much emotion besides their big fight a few days ago.

“Taehyung,” he starts firmly, “you need to tell me the truth right now.”

“What?” Taehyung asks, confusion written all over his face.

“Promise me you won’t run away after what I’m about to tell you.”

Taehyung looked at him confusingly but wiped his tears away to get a better look at Jungkook. He was serious.

“O-okay. I promise?”

Jungkook sighed out in relief and pulled Taehyung up.

“The nurse told me [Y/N] hasn’t been on suppressants for a few days now,” he says seriously. “I’m registered as her guardian so they thought it was best if I told her that they stopped lacing it into her meals. It was to prep her for her death.”

“So what does this have to do with me?”

“Taehyung, how are you not getting this?” Jungkook frustratingly scolds. “She hasn’t been throwing up and she hasn’t taken medication. I know it’s fucked up I’m asking you now, but I need you to go see her.”

Nothing seemed to click in Taehyung’s brain. Jungkook was always the fastest thinker out of them. He didn’t really know why he was speaking in such cryptic terms anyway.

“Why?”

“Because if what I think is true,” Jungkook says slowly, “then [Y/N] isn’t going to die.”

Taehyung was about to speak, confusion even more evident in his expression.

“What the hell are you talking about Jung-”

“I think you’re in love with her.”

The world seemed to stop at that second. Nothing made sense and yet everything did. The gears were moving in Taehyung’s brain, but it still felt like he didn’t know the full gist of what Jungkook was trying to tell him.

“Huh?”

“I know how fucked up it sounds that you started miraculously liking her after you found out she was dying, but all that matters to me now is that you accept her love so that she recovers faster. Tell me- am I wrong?”

Taehyung’s head was spinning and he was having trouble forming a sentence.

“I- I don’t know. I haven’t been in love before, how the fuck am I supposed to know?”

Jungkook sighed deeply.

“Well I’m here to tell you now: I’m pretty sure she didn’t fall out of love with you all on her own and it’s not the work of suppressants that had her recover. I’m not trying to convince you that you fell in love with her, but I’m pretty sure you did.”

Taehyung shook his head profusely.

“I think we’re just not thinking through this logically-”

“When have you ever been logical?”

He groaned and buried his face into his palms. Jungkook was right.

“So what should I do if I actually like her?” he says. “I feel like this is too sudden. [Y/N]’s gonna be suspicious-”

“Just tell her,” Jungkook replies sternly. “Don’t run away and just tell [Y/N]. Whatever happens, happens. We have nothing left to lose except her.”

“If I tell her I love her and I actually don’t, that would just hurt her more.”

“That’s impossible,” Jungkook starts, “because she’d be throwing up flowers by now if you didn’t.”

Taehyung nods, but he’s still not quite convinced. He stands up from his spot and makes a beeline to the elevator, figuring he should just do it without thinking about it too much.

Jungkook doesn’t follow after him. He knows that you two are probably better off talking this out than with him butting into the conversation. He rolls up his sleeve to see a beautiful tattoo he had drawn on his wrist just days ago. Flowers.

He drew it in remembrance of you.

—

As you were about to fall asleep to the sound of your own heart monitor, a loud thunk of the door opening had alerted you to open your eyes. Taehyung stood in the doorway, panting like a mad man as he walked closer to your bed.

“Tae-”

“We need to talk.”

It was then that you realized that he was clutching something in his fist. A piece of paper, wrinkled and smudged with black ink.

“You read it?” you ask disappointingly. It was a little embarrassing now, knowing that he’d seen everything you wanted to say to him after your death. You had a hard time looking at him in the eye.

“I couldn’t wait,” he pants, now next to your bed. “It’s not like I would have ever gotten a chance to read it otherwise.”

You tilt your head in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

Taehyung sat on your bed, touching your forearm lightly before collecting his thoughts.

“You’re not going to die, [Y/N],” he says with a glint in his eyes.

You roll your eyes at him.

“I’m not getting the surgery, Tae. It’s already too late for-”

“When was the last time you threw up flowers?”

You furrowed your brows.

“A few days ago. Why?”

He inches closer to you so that he could get a better look at your face. He was gauging your reaction just in case he said anything too uncomfortable. You were looking a lot less sick than yesterday and it crossed out his suspicions a tiny bit.

“Do you know why you haven’t been getting them?”

“Because I’m on suppressants?” you say as if it was an obvious fact.

Taehyung shook his head and finally laid the letter on the bedside table. He clutched both of your palms into his.

“I think,” he stumbles, “I- I think I fell in love with you.”

You looked at him with a deadpan gaze. You pulled yourself away from his grasp. How dare he?

“That’s not funny, Tae. Why the fuck would you even joke about something like that?”

“I do, [Y/N]. I love you.”

It felt so right to say out loud. It felt like the suffocation he was feeling for the past few days had been lifted off of his chest and into the clouds. All of his doubts were erased from his memory.

“Tae, saying it again isn’t going to-”

“I love you,” he says a little louder this time, clutching you even closer. Your eyes shined from tears threatening to spill over. He was being cruel- too cruel. It was unlike him.

“Tae, seriously I’m getting-”

“I love you,” he repeats, closing the distance between you and him, his lips gently touching yours. He pulls away and his breath is taken away with the tears that started falling from your eyes. He wiped them away from your cheeks. This was the reaction he was exactly expecting from you, but all he can do now is reassure you so that you don’t lash out on him.

“A-are you serious?” you say through bated breaths. “You’re not joking are you?”

He shakes his head with a grin.

“I think it took me a while to realize, but I do. Genuinely.”

You had started to cry harder, but it wasn’t out of happiness. You were holding something back. After all of the pain you went through and you finally got what you wanted... it just didn’t feel real. His heart hurt at the sight of you.

“Tae,” you struggle to say. “This isn’t what I wanted. I... I didn’t want you to force yourself into anything or to feel sorry for me-”

“That’s not it, [Y/N],” he reassures, pushing a stray piece of your hair and tucking it behind your ear. “No one’s forcing me.”

“But still-”

He shushed you with a peck. It felt liberating being able to kiss you freely and he couldn’t stop himself with how cutely you pouted your lips. How could he have not seen how irresistible you were before?

“I wish I realized it sooner,” he says sadly. “That way you wouldn’t have to suffer as much.”

You shake your head, easing your breath.

“I don’t know about this, Tae. I’m just having a lot of doubts,” you mutter.

“And I’ll get rid of those doubts sooner or later,” he kisses your hands. “I’m new to this whole love thing so you need to tell me if I’m overstepping anything alright?”

You chuckle lightly. Your heart could burst right out of your chest at how lovingly he was looking at you. For the past few days he’s done that- just look at you with a smile and make your heart beat fast for no reason. The effects this man had on you...

“You’re not gonna die,” he says softly. “I’m not going to lose you.”

You purse your lips.

“I don’t know what to say, Tae...”

He sits a little closer to you and softly holds your face into his palms.

“Say it back.”

You were caught off guard, flustered with his words. You fiddle with your fingers as you struggle to get the words out. He gazed at you expectantly.

“I-I love you too.”

Taehyung smirked and pulled you in. Your heart monitor picked up in speed as he kissed you deeply. The flower tattoos on your arm were dotted with goosebumps, your breath taken away by Taehyung.

He pulled away first but peppered you with more kisses around your face. His forehead leaned against yours as he giggles at your flustered expression. The stars were in his eyes and he admired how gorgeous you looked at that moment.

“Now tell me are there flowers in your stomach?” he asks teasingly as if he didn’t just read your would-be last words a while ago.

You chuckled lightly.

“No flowers,” you intertwine your hands with his. “Just butterflies.”

—

A/N: Thank you again to @guksflavor for requesting this! If you guys want to commission stories for me to write, please read my rules page and find the link to my ko-fi on my blog! I don’t really do fluff endings but I thought this was a cute way to end things off. How do y'all like it? No more tears for this chapter, I hope. Thank you all again for the support and I appreciate all types of feedback for my stories!!

539 notes · View notes