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thestrangebeingyouarent · 3 years

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i love you so fucking much - coops proposal

Haha, I feel like shit so here have some fluff. Also apparently I can't just write a cute date, it always turns into some grand gesture, it's called ~love starved~ (I just had a major stress thingy, which is why I can't put my own thoughts into words, only coops cuteness)

(I had paper rings by Taylor Swift on repeat, so do with that what you will - okay update 24 hours later: there will be a paper rings lyric fic :))

And a big thabk you to my beta @tonksandherpinkhair !! I really really appreciate it!!

!! Okay so I havent been very active on tumblr lately and I literally just, like 2 min ago, found out that @fruitcoops also did a proposal fic with paper rings by taylor swift. But I just wanted to make clear that this fic (or the part 2) wasn’t stolen from them, we just got the same idea apparently lmao. (I put this "warning" here, because my anxiety just told me that otherwise everyone will hate me and think I stole the idea)

I recommend that you still read their fic because it's really fucking amazing and adorable!!! !!

Cw// food, fear of drowning, swear words

~~~

'Mon loup, you know I love you, but why are we going ice-skating? It's our job.'

'It's romantic.' Sirius raised his eyebrow. 'Okay, I saw a couple do it on TikTok, but it was really romantic.'

'But do they play ice-hockey for a living?'

'Baby, we can stay there and have dinner and look at the stars. We can stay as long as we want. Please?' Sirius was persuaded at the word baby.

Sirius hadn't exactly known what made him agree -it was the word baby- but now he stood in front of a completely frozen lake. It felt different without his protection gear and with the fact that there was ice-cold water underneath the ice. A vivid memory of 10-year old Sirius came up.

It had been his first time skating on natural ice, but I wasn't cold enough. Sirius had taken one step on the ice and his foot went right through. The worst part was that no one seemed to care, except for Regulus. It was when Sirius started to realize they simply didn’t care about anything other than his reputation.

'Pads?' Remus' warm voice broke through the memory. 'Are you alright? You don’t have to skate if you don’t want to.'

'No, I want to.' He tried to smile. 'I'm sorry.'

'No need to be sorry, come, I'll help you.' Remus carefully stepped on the ice and Sirius almost winced at the thought of Remus falling through.

But when Remus took his hand all the ghosts from his past seemed to fade away and he realized that for once in his life there was nothing holding him back from being happy.

'I got you. One foot first.' Remus helped Sirius on the ice. 'Love you. Now let's go skate, shall we?'

Sirius laughed as Remus dragged him to the middle of the lake where loads of families were already skating together.

'Honey, like you said, this is your job,' Remus laughed when Sirius slipped.

'It's the ice! It's different!' He said, but he was laughing too.

'Sure, baby.' Sirius grabbed Remus' arm and pulled him on the ice with him. 'Sirius!'

He just laughed and tried to stand up and skate away, but Loops was put on the Lions team for a reason. Remus had reached him within a minute.

'Were we planning on going somewhere?' Remus' smile still gave Sirius butterflies sometimes.

'Sir?' A small girl looked up to Remus. 'How did you learn to skate so fast?' For a second he hesitated and then he lowered himself to eyelevel with the girl.

'Hi, what is your name?'

'Everly, but, Sir, how did you skate so fast?'

'Everly, manners!' a woman interrupted her. 'I'm sorry, she's six and, well, hard to control.'

'Oh that's alright,' Remus said. 'Hi Everly, my name is Remus Lupin. I play professional ice-hockey. But I can teach you some tricks. If that's alright with your mother, of course.' Sirius heart almost melted at the sight.

'Mommy, can I please skate with Remus?' The girl tried her best to look cute and Sirius had to admit that she was almost as cute as Remus.

'You are- That means you are Sirius Black, I thought I recognized you! Ev, stay in sight, okay?' She gave her daughter a stern look and then smiled. Both her and Sirius watched them skate away.

'I'm sorry, kids seem to automatically have thing for Remus. I can't say I don't understand them, though I hope it's a different kind of thing.' The woman laughed at Sirius', slightly awkward, but apparently successful ice-breaker.

'My name is Sarah by the way. I heard everything about you and Remus on the new some months ago, that must've been hard.' Sirius normally wouldn’t answer to this, but Sarah had somewhat the same motherly energy that both Hope Lupin and Celeste Dumais had, though maybe a little less.

'It wasn't, but it got us here.' She smiled at him.

'I'm glad it did.' She turned around to look for something. 'Oh, Jack! I am so sorry, my toddler just learned how to walk and Cecile and I have trouble getting him to not walk on the ice.' She smiled apologetically. 'Could you give a shout if something happens with Everly?' Sirius nodded. 'Thank you, darling,' she said as she skated to her wife and son.

Sirius saw her kiss her wife, Cecile, on the cheek and bow down over the toddler and he couldn’t deny that he wanted that. Someday. With Remus.

Then he felt a weight against his back and arms around his hips. 'Hey baby,' Remus whispered. Sirius turned around and kissed his boyfriend.

'Where is your little admirer?'

'She's showing her mom all the tricks I taught her.'

'You'd be a great dad.' Remus seemed a little taken aback by that.

'You would too.'

Sirius couldn’t hold it in. 'I want that. Someday.'

'Me too.' Remus couldn’t hold back a smile and kissed Sirius again. 'Love you,' he whispered against his boyfriends lips.

'Hmm, love you too,' Sirius replied.

'Do you want to sit down and eat something? I brought chocolate.'

'of course you did.'

Hours later, both Remus and Sirius were getting tired. They had skated, talked and exchanged contact with Sarah and her family and Remus had eaten a shocking amount of chocolate. They had been snuggled on a thick blanket with another blanket over them in a tent-like contraption for an hour now. Remus was the first to notice it was getting dark.

'Pads. Pads, we can see the stars now,' he whispered to a half-asleep Sirius. He took his hand and dragged him up. Let's go on the ice, there is the least unnatural light.' Remus began walking.

'Honey, you forgot your skates.'

'Don’t need 'em.' He walked to the middle of the lake and promptly sat down and then laid on his back. 'You coming?' Sirius rolled his eyes, but went to lay next to Remus anyway. There they looked up, waiting for the stars to become more and more visible. The ice was cold underneath them, but Remus warmth made up for that.

After a while the stars were very visible and Remus pointed to the sky. 'Okay, if that's the north star, than North is right,' he lowered his hand in a straight line, 'there.' He pointed somewhere to into the forest next to the lake.

'How do you know this?' Sirius looked at his boyfriend looked at him.

'I might have looked up how to stargaze this morning,' Remus admitted. Sirius laughed -it could almost be called barking- when he saw Remus' grin. 'Anyway, there is Ursa Major. And I think that that is..' That was the point where Sirius stopped paying attention to what Remus said and more to him.

Remus' lit up when he talked about something made him happy. He had a wide smile and gold sparks in his eyes.

'And that's you, baby, the dog star.' But Sirius didn't look up, he kept staring at his boyfriends face. 'Pads?'

'Marry me.' It slipped out. He hadn't meant to say it, but it was sincere.

'What!?' Remus shot up.

'I- I just realized how fucking much I love you. I want to spend every second with you, I want to talk either to you or about you, I want,' Sirius trailed off in a search for words, 'you.' He smiled. 'I just want you.' Sirius had not prepared this, in any way, but he was happy with what he said.

'Bab-y,' Remus' voice broke as tears welled up and Sirius sat up and then went down on one knee.

'I'm sorry I don’t have a ring, but here goes,' he smiled apologetically. 'Remus, will you marry me?'

'Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes!' He kissed Sirius. 'Ba- fiancé,' he whispered against his lips, 'I love you so fucking much too.'

I kinda want a significant other now,, anyway, let me know if you want a part 2 where they tell people!!

(I'll probably write it anyway, but still!)

#wolfstar #sweater weather lumosinlove #sweater weather fanfic #lumosinlove #remus lupin #sirius black #proposal fic #coops #coops fluff #el's writing

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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beetleboo · 3 years

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long post. one i’ve been trying to make for a while now. hell, i wrote this like... third week of may. didn’t post it until now because i didn’t know if I wanted to.

but something i want to lay out, been wanting to lay out for months. dont want to talk to anyone about it, just want to put the info out there for it to be seen.

if you re/blog this i will block you. i may put this on the relevant sideblog at some point.

because 2020 was the worst year on record for me for a number of reasons, and it’s torn me down to the lowest point i’ve been in a long time, and this is just. everything that’s gone down. not a callout post, no one gets named, but these are all the events

partially in relation to my fandom sideblog, because that’s where i had community, and where it’s all just. gone. doesnt exist anymore.

i started up a server, ages ago now. somewhere i curated to be a positive and safe space for things, and for a while, it was that.

around the end of 2019, spilling over to the start of 2020 when it picked up, i found, both on my blog and in discord spaces, in particular the server i ran, that people no longer talked to me. no one would hold a conversation with me past a few basic responses, no one replied to anything i shared, no one engaged when i tried to start discussions. so i pulled back from the main server - S1. thought it was just a lull in activity. stayed that way for weeks, months, and I just muted the server. no one ever cared about anything i had to say. was lucky if anything i posted got even a token emoji react

was in another, smaller server - S2. people i talked to damn near every day, even in voice. played games together - that became... no fun simply because everyone else was so much better/further ahead in the game. i was completely useless, so didn’t server a function in game and never really felt like anyone actively wanted me around, but i still participated in chat.

but again, no one ever responded to anything I posted beyond maybe a token react

couple people discussing something one day. I contributed with Theory A, and quite immediately got that shut down. few minutes later, they rephrased exactly what I said and happily nattered away. so whatever I said wasn’t worth it when it came out of my mouth but if they talked about it, it was all well and valid. so again, between that specific experience and no one interacting with me, nor anything I post. server muted. treatment taught me no one cared about my presence there.

gave admin rights to S1, my server, to someone I trusted. two requests only: dont delete channels and let me know if you want to invite anyone (since I kept it private)

RYE (i’m just assigning random three letter names to people to keep this straight) posted public invites several times. never asked me. one of the two things i asked. brought it up with them that it bothered me, just got vague noncomittal responses. more public invites. eventually, after having the server muted for months, i handed over full control and left. that was almost a full year ago. none of the people have talked to me in that entire year, through discord or here or anything.

except RYE who sent me a message after a couple months like ‘wow i havent heard from you in a while hope you’re doing ok’. i wasn’t. after a bit but still the same day, i said as much. that i wasn’t doing well. they never responded. and i don’t mean like, they didn’t respond that day. i mean i literally never heard from them until months later when they sent me a meme and also didn’t respond to me commenting on that meme.

and this is one side of things. all of the above was the first half of the year. this next bit happened about. march2020? I was in another server - S3. another place that was a good space at the time. was in voice chat with two other people. started talking about one thing. MIN very suddenly said something along the lines of ‘i don’t care about this i’ll come back when you’re done’

this is one of the very few things that can trigger me - i’ve had a lot of people talk down to me if I dare look excited about anything. when they came back, i asked if they could try to just. depart conversations more softly. MIN always said ‘if i do anything hurtful to you just tell me! i dont want to do that kind of thing!’

this was clearly a lie as they exploded on me, telling me they always have to walk on eggshells around me, that I ask so many things from them. before what I asked them that day, I can only recall one other thing i asked (which was not to talk about a person who was abusive towards me, and they were like ‘yea sure np’ about that, over a year prior’)

the whole thing turned into basically me having to shut down the fact that i was hurt by what they did, had to ignore that now and i had to fawn and placate them and the only thing i got out of that was that my feelings were irrelevant, only theirs.

(incidentally, I have had two other people turn on me in similar ways, accusing me of doing shifty/bad/terrible things, and not being willing to tell me what they are when I ask, only saying that ‘i should know what i did’ so that’s also now a Fun New Bit Of Trauma.)

and that entire weeklong event lead me straight to a breakdown. literal genuine breakdown i cannot convey how devastating that entire scenario was without going into far too many details.

so between all of these things happening in less than six months, with three different community spaces folding and collapsing and fading away from me, with many of the friends i thought i had just. moving on to other things and dropping me. people i talked to every day just not bothering with me anymore. they all have gone on to other stuff and no one ever went ‘hey beets wanna see what i’m up to’ or ‘wanna do this thing with me’

a handful of instances of me saying ‘yeah i’m dealing with these fears that have been reinforced lately that people aren’t safe to deal with, even thought part of me knows they’re probably irrational it feels like i have evidence to back it up’ and people immediately take it personally like i’m saying they’re not safe. despite. me outright saying. i know logically it should be irrational. but their reactions just reinforce it so it’s just a loop and tells me, again, never to bring up any of my problems with anyone.

so this all just reinforces that there’s something wrong with me. couple years back i spoke to a friend and how i was frustrated that I seemed to end up in bad spaces and they said ‘well you’re the one thing in common so its probably your fault’ and obviously they’re not my friend anymore but that has affected me so deeply. i can’t do anything without overthinking, whenever anything goes wrong i tear apart everything i’ve done and everything i’ve said or thought and i don’t know why things keep going bad. i try so hard but i’m just. not right.

so it all teaches me that there’s no point in reaching out in trying to talk to people because if i say ‘hey this hurt me’ i get ignored at best or torn down, yelled at, scolded. no point in trying to talk to new people because everyone just walks away at some point. not even a natural drift apart, i can handle that. but just very suddenly, they’re gone, off with better people doing better things.

roundabout, ties back to ‘consumption versus community’ - this is why i’ve been struggling so hard with lack of engagement on my sideblog. lucky to get a dozen notes on anything i make, unless it’s something other people can use (like mods) and even THEN it’s rare to see much activity. and that was FINE because i had people to talk to elsewhere, who would ask questions and we could back and forth and i shared my stuff and they shared those and it didnt matter if my posts only got a dozen notes because i had friends to talk to.

now i get (example) seven notes, six of which are likes and one is a reblog with no commentary. when i have something with a ton of notes, still, minimal commentary, no one talks to me. even on a mod with five hundred notes it just feels like i went ‘hey i made something :)’ and everyone picked it up and walked away with it, no one went ‘hey this is cool i want to talk to the person who made it.’

and it just feels like 95% of the time, i’m just overlooked.

and it’s worse than it’s ever been in my entire life, and I wonder, what’s the point of any of this anymore.

why bother to make the posts to share when it all just gets passed by. what’s the point in trying to reach out to new people and make friends when i get lashed out at or left behind? the social is gone out of my social media. i had community, and now it’s gone.

so this has all been going on for months and months and months and hey! suffering. and i dont expect it to get any better, don’t expect this post to fix these issues, but i’ve been trying to say something about all of this for fucking months and i think just, laying it all out is all I can do about it. i’m sure i’ve forgotten some things to touch on but as it is, all these events, all of it happening all together. new traumas, old traumas reawoken, reinforced, i’ve been torn to pieces i don’t know how to function, i can’t remember the last time i felt like even half a real person. taught that the safe, positive spaces that meant so much to me don’t actually exist and they’ll all turn on me and be torn away. nowhere is safe anymore, and trying to make it safe is just going to ruin me again.

people aren’t safe, places aren’t safe, been proven to me time and time again so i just. stay away.

no matter how much i try to fight that, it just doesnt work.

anyway tl;dr beets needs therapy probably

#beetleposts #miserytag

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nia-journals · 3 years

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Blind Date | YOONMIN Short Story

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park jimin sat in the cushioned chair, blind folded, wearing his casual best, in hopes of impressing whichever stranger his partner turned out to be. you see, his best friend jeon jungkook, had dragged him to one of those blind date events taking place in their city and now jimin sat like a complete idiot and for what? why was he trying so hard? he told himself he couldnt care less about this outing so why did he even bother wearing his best jeans?

jimin sighed and as the countdown on the intercom reached 0 he could hear footsteps approaching. this made jimin a bit anxious. his eyes were bound, he didnt know where in the room his friend jungkook sat and in less a second he would meet a complete stranger he’d spend the rest of this forsaken date with. jimin’s fight or flight instict ticked as he felt someone walk dangerously close to his chair. why the fuck did he agree to this? jimin thought, it was safe to say that whoever came up with a blind dinner date pop-up event was a complete idiot. he now sat in high alert waiting to defend himself despite the circumstances and the obvious fact that he couldnt see anything at all.

so he sat and waited; jimin was beginning to think he’d been stood up even in this stupid blind date. that is, until he heard;

“hello?” a stranger with a deep voice approached him, “im min yoongi,” his voice was eargasmic, it made the little hairs on jimin’s arms stand up and sent chills down his back.

“park jimin,” jimin introduced himself in a shy and unsually low tone. jimin wasnt usually shy but this man’s voice alone made him feel small, intimidated and dominated even.

“should we get right to it?” the stranger’s disembodied yet gravelly voice suggested, “i cant really ask you what you like to eat cause that’s against the rules so, ima take a hunched here and hope you enjoy it. is that ok jimin?”

jimin nodded like an idiot, in a trance. unlike five seconds ago now jimin mentally thanked whoever’s stupid idea was to wear blindfolds cause if not yoongi would be completely exposed to his dialated pupils which signaled his lovey dovey eyes.

“ok, i placed the order. when it comes out please be completely honest with me,” yoongi said, after quietly thanking who i assumed was the server, “i promise i wont cry too hard.”

yoongi’s chuckle.

wow.

that was the most beautiful sound jimin’s ears have ever had the pleasure of hearing. the captivating sound was light and addictive, jimin wanted yoongi to chuckle all throught the night.

“don’t worry yoongi,” jimin let out instinctively. it didn’t matter how nasty what yoongi picked out for him was, he would lie, cheat, fibble, he would do anything to get a shot at a second date with this stranger with the honey dipped voice, “i wont go too hard on you.”

“no, please do but maybe lie about it to the host and we can always try again on our second date.”

jimin smiled, maybe a little too widely and he had to quickly remind himself that yoongi could still in fact see the idiotic smile plastered on his face, “already in for a second date? are you that whipped already?”

“i mean, look at you, park jimin. youre a whole vision in itself. i could sit here all night and talk about how perfect you look.”

“you havent even seen half of my face yet min yoongi,” jimin scoffed in a joking manner.

“fair enough park jimin,” he spoke in a tone of newfound confidence and determination, his voice dropped about two octaves and jimin again froze at how deep and addicting it was to listen to min yoongi’s voice, “let’s get to know eachother before our meal comes to us.”

“fine,” jimin said clearing his throat, “that sounds fine by me.”

“are you from this area jimin?” yoongi asked in his husky tone. fuck this man’s voice would surely be jimin’s demise. he couldnt wait to take his blindfold off to reveal the face of the stranger whose voice had jimin wrapped around his finger.

“no, im actually from busan. i moved out to seoul with some of my friends for school.” jimin said.

“you all go to the same university?” he questioned.

“yeah we do. we all applied together and got in together so we just moved in together and attend the same school,” jimin shrugged. he was infact lucky to have friends who shared similar interests and life aspirations. lucky enough that after high school graduation while everyone waved goodbye to their bestfriends, jimin, taehyung and jungkook were packing together ready to take on the next four years of college right by eachother’s side.

“youre very lucky,” yoongi confessed, “not many people get to attend the same school as their bffs after high school. usually people grow apart.”

“yeah im glad i have them here with me. i’d be a lone wolf in seoul if it wasnt for them.” jimin said. “one of my bestfriends, jungkook, was actually the one who dragged me here?”

“wait are you an introvert park jimin?” yoongi questioned. jimin couldn’t see much of yoongi but he could feel the subtle movements the stranger made in his chair at the other end of the table.

“im as introverted as they come. it took a whole lot of will power, a lot of convincing by my friend jungkook and a million pep-talks from our dorm room to here to get me to calm down a bit,” jimin confessed.

“are you nervous right now jimin?” he let out in a soft yet deep under-tone. his whispering made him sound like an asmrist and jimin wasn’t sure he could handle listening to him talk im such a low tone any longer.

“well i was nervous yoongi, but-“ he began, “your voice.”

“what about my voice?” yoongi asked and jimin could almost hear the cockiness in his voice.

“it’s soothing yoongi, it’s really calming my nerves,” jimin was completely transparent with the man. well of course jimin hid the fact that aside from calming him down a bit, yoongi’s voice also aroused him. that detail he could definitely keep to himself, “in that case i’ll keep talking,” he was definitely now going to begin using his sweet and deep voice against jimin for the rest of the night, “what do you study in school, jimin?”

“dance,” jimin let out, “contemptorary dance to be exact.”

“have you danced for long?” yoongi questioned.

“since i was 9 years old.”

“so youre a professional?”

“i wouldn’t say so, i have a long way to go to be considered professional.” jimin answered modestly.

“i bet your the best in your whole university,” yoongi complimented him in such a casual tone.

“well thank you,” jimin said shyly, yoongi surely knew all the right things to say, “but im not even the best in the whole junior class,”

“i find that hard to believe. on our second date how about you show me your moves?” the butterflies in jimin’s stomach were out of control at yoongi’s blatant proposition.

but at that moment jimin promised himself that he would go dancing with yoongi on their second date.

“let’s take it one second at a time yoongi, i dont even know if i like the food you picked out for me yet,” jimin teased him, “what if it was a complete miss?”

“it won’t be, my gut never lies to me.” yoongi was definitely cocky but jimin thought that was part of his charm. jimin definitely liked it.

jimin laughed, god he wished he could see yoongi’s face right about now, “what about you yoongi? are you in school? are you from seoul?”

“ah, no-“ yoongi started, “im not from seoul, i was born and raised in daegu. i actually, like you, moved to seoul for school and studied music production. i graduated a few months ago. now i work with my friend who’s an upcoming rapper.”

“congratulations on graduating,” jimin offered and yoongi thanked him in return.

“whats his name?” jimin questioned, honestly wanting to know if he’s heard of his friends work at anytime, “your rapper friend. maybe ive heard the music you guys have made together before,”

“his names rm,” yoongi let out non-chalant but jimin almost chocked on his water.

“you’re friends with rm?” jimin let out in an overly excited tone, “my best friend jungkook loves rm.”

“i could get you two tickets to his next underground show if you’d like?” he asked, his offer sounded sincere.

“i couldn’t-“ jimin let up, “we just met yoongi. i wouldnt want you to have the wrong idea of me.”

“i could never park jimin,” there he goes saying jimin’s name again, it sounded so fucking perfect coming from him and jimin could honestly sit and hear yoongi say his name over and over and over until the sun comes up, “how about this, if you like the food i picked for you, i’ll take you and your friend jungkook to the next rm concert.”

“how about we leave the concert for a third date, i want you all to myself on the dance floor for our second date,” jimin said feeling fearless, teasing him a bit in the process, “well if i like the food you picked out for me, that is.”

“thats a deal park jimin, good thing we’re about to find out.” yoongi said, and less the a second later jimin could smell the delicious food being placed in front of him.

“do you want me to help you with that?” yoongi asked as he noticed jimin struggling a bit to find his fork.

“if you could please,” jimin was about to be fed by a stranger with the most mesmerizing voice. to say his heart was going to beat right out of his chest was no exaggeration.

a couple seconds later, yoongi let out an “open up,” and jimin was met with his favorite kind of pasta, shrimp scampi. jimin was glad yoongi picked out a meal he liked because this meant they had a chance at a second date and jimin couldnt wait.

immidiately jimin clicked the right button under his side of the table signaling he’s liked the dinner picked out by blind date partner. jimin quickly took off his blind fold and after his eyes adjusted to the bright lights in the room he was met with the most beautiful man he’s ever laid eyes on. his tanned skin was honey-like and there was a perfect contrast between his brown sugar skin and his plain white t-shirt. his wide gummy smile made his eyes turned to small crescent moons and at that moment jimin couldnt believe that such a perfect voice belonged to such a perfect human being.

“are you ready to put your dancing shoes on for our second date?” jimin asked as yoongi’s gummy smile grew in size.

———————

this story has very much been alive and well on ao3 give it love there!

thanks for reading <3

#bts #bangtan sonyeondan #park jimin #min yoongi #yoonmin #jimin x yoongi #short story #bts aus #yoonmin are soulmates #bts smut

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joonclouds · 4 years

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Heat Packs | YoongixReader

You make a scrunchy face at the sandy-haired boy. “Not so bad? All I was, was concerned and he saw fit to make me feel as worthy as the dirt under your shoe.”

“I don’t wear shoes.”

When you raise an eyebrow pointedly at him, Taehyung holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Alright, shoe police, calm down.”

Yoongi x Reader (and shoeless friend Taehyung)

Plot: Producer!Yoongi, fluff at the end, kind of enemies to lovers?? arguments to lovers? idk man Yoongi is bad at expressing feelings

Warnings: It gets a bit hot and heavy at the end but nothing else unless you want to consider cringey fluff as a warning lol

Wordcount: 7.3k

Note: Quarantine is still very inspiring. I am still very bad at naming my fics. producer!Yoongi is *chefs kiss* Hope ya’ll are well x *kisses*

It is a Tuesday evening in mid November that you decide you hate Min Yoongi. Hate was a strong word for you. Most of the time you hovered between a state of neutrality to mild displeasure, and sure, you’d been harbouring a (maybe not so subtle) crush on your reclusive boss, but you decide today that it was time to Burn That Ship cause you hate Min Yoongi.

You stand there, heart pounding. From embarrassment or from anger, you can’t really tell at this point - but heck, it wasn’t even your fault. Indignant, that’s what you felt. You had heard a loud bang and crash from his recording studio, and in a moment of panic and concern you’d rushed in to check if everything was okay.

Turns out he was moving his large bass speakers and didn’t need (or deserve, you think huffily) any of your help. Maybe you should have knocked first, but -

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Never heard of knocking?”

See, you were a Badass Bitch™. Which is why now your face is flushing an angry red, mouth open, ready with a snappy comeback. But Badass Bitch™ is also paranoid and doesn’t like confrontations, so she takes a baton and whacks the retort right out of your mouth. So you close your mouth again, stand there silently and look down. And if it could get worse, it does - a prickling at the back of your eyes starts to grow.

“And you’re just going to stand there?” The black-haired boy cocks a brow at you.

“I.. I heard a crash so I just came in to make sure everything was okay and-“

“What is this, your house? Is your name on the outside of the door?”

You wring your hands behind your back and pinch the fleshy part of your palm to ease the growing lump in your throat. No, you refuse to cry in front of him. After three months of working here you’d thought you’d finally wormed your way into the category of “acceptable humans to Min Yoongi”, but clearly you had not. In fact, as of now, you probably didn’t even exist on the Venn diagram.

“I.. No, but… I…”

“Does it. Say your damn name. On. My. Studio. Door.”

You stand there, speechless, mouth opening and closing, looking for something to say. A fat tear starts to pool in your left eye and threatens to spill, but by some miracle you manage to hold it in. Barely.

Yoongi lets out a sharp breath and makes his way across the room, yanking the door wide open.

“The rule here is no one comes into my studio. Get the fuck out.”

You are still crying as you sharpen the twentieth coloured pencil on the living room floor you share with a pixie of a girl called Chungha, who sits opposite you with her chin propped on folded knees.

“You should do this for a living, you know. Given how many times you’ve done this already.” She comments

“What, the crying?” You stutter out confusedly between a hiccup and a sniff.

“I meant the pencil sharpening.”

You blow your nose wetly into a tissue. “I can’t help it, okay? I cry. When people. Shout at me.” You choke out the last few sentences in between sobs.

All your admission does is bring forth another wave of tears.

“So who made you cry this time?”

“Min Yoongi. Min. Fucking. Yoongi.” With each syllable you turn the pencil with a newfound gusto, taking some sort of vicarious pleasure in watching the wood getting shaved off in neat strips.

Chungha’s eyes widen. “As in, owner of the studio, Min Yoongi. Your ridiculously elusive, black-clothes-only, don’t-come-into-my-office, hot in a weird way, Min Yoongi?”

You nod aggresively. “I hate him. So much.”

“You don’t mean that.”

You consider locking Chungha in the storeroom.

“Maybe he just had a bad day?” She offers.

“What did I do to deserve this? All I did was check on him in his studio!” In your angst you stop sharpening. You imagine the little plastic sharpener is Yoongi’s stupid head and you hurl it across the carpet.

“I’m sorry he shouted at you.” She pulls a Kleenex out of the box and dabs gently at your face. “Even if he told you not to go in, but you didn’t deserve that. He’s an idiot. Men are idiots.”

“I was just trying to be nice!” You protest, voice rising a good four octaves. “I heard a loud thud so I got worried and I rushed in without thinking, but turns out he was just moving his speakers and he just got so mad and saying all those mean things - “ you trail off slowly as hiccups and sobs leave you incoherent.

“You know how he is, grumpy old man. I’m sure he’ll apologise.” Chungha offers you another tissue. “And honestly my love, there’s no point crying now you’ve already forgiven him so…”

“I. Havent.”

“Tell me that when you next speak to him and aren’t a puddle of mush.”

You fling your snot-stained tissue at her.

—

The next week when your shift comes around, you still show up for work. Even though you are half an hour late from pacing up and down the street outside, considering if you should just not show up to spite him. It took three existential crises, five tears, and many muttered curses about the offending human being, but eventually you find yourself in the lift up to the recording office. You didn’t like to admit it, but you were the type who was quick to anger, but quick to cool.

Though cooling didn’t mean forgiveness. You were good at compartmentalisation and that was exactly what you were going to do.

The idea of not landing yourself in crippling school fee debt was wholly enticing, and to do that you needed this job as an admin at the recording offices. It paid well, and was easy enough. Keep the place clean, stock the pantry, manage the room bookings, make sure no one breaks equipment. Make ramen for customers. Don’t go into Min Yoongi’s studio. Even if he suffered a heart attack and might be dead. Easy.

You steel yourself with a breath and push open the swinging door with gusto, making a beeline for the reception with your head down and eyes trained on your shoes. Just get behind that tall white counter and you’d be safe -

“Oof.” - if you didn’t first collide with a broad, hoodie-clad chest.

Warm hands grip your shoulders to steady you. “Whoa, watch where you’re going, little pea.”

You smile as you step back to see a familiar face face that takes your breath away. “I didn’t know you were coming in today!”

Taehyung, or Tae, as you had come to know him, was one of the regulars at the studio. A music student with a voice deep and syrupy as honey, and a face just as sweet to match - he made hearts go ba-dump in chests. Even after six months of seeing him three times a week, and the knowledge that he was already (secretly) attached to his art school’s equally pretty-boy dance major, you as a normal human being were still not safe from Tae’s charms.

“Yeah, I had some free time - Jimin’s off putting in extra hours in the dance studio so I figured I’d come here.”

You’re glad for his presence as you go behind the reception and get ready for work.

Tae walks up on the other side of the counter and rests an elbow on it, chin propped in his palm. From behind his long bangs you can see he’s sporting a bit of a twinkle in his eyes. He looks at you expectantly and you’re confused for a moment but it all clicks into place.

You fall into the chair behind the reception and let your head loll back on the backrest, giving him the side-eye. “What is it, Tae?”

He grins mischeviously. “So Yoongi unleashed the kraken on you, huh.”

“If by kraken you mean Mr. Shouty Pants, then yes, the kraken.”

Tae lets out a barking laugh. “Let him off the hook, fisherman. He’s not so bad once you get to know him - he wasn’t always like this, you know.”

You guess is that if that stupid recluse had anything such as a friend, then Taehyung would probably be the closest thing to it. But then again your guess was as good as useless because it was near impossible to not like Tae - he was definintely overly-friendly, but not in a smothering way and boy, did it grow on you. Out of all the people who came and went in the studio, Taehyung and about four other people were the only ones you had ever seen Yoongi say more than three words to in a single sentence. Well, now you were included in that category too, but for very different reasons.

You make a scrunchy face at the sandy-haired boy. “Not so bad? All I was, was concerned and he saw fit to make me feel as worthy as the dirt under your shoe.”

“I don’t wear shoes.”

When you raise an eyebrow pointedly at him, Taehyung holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Alright, shoe police, calm down.”

After a moment, he adds, “are you still angry?”

You sigh in resignation. “Honestly? Not really. I decided I need this job more than my dignity.”

Tae chuckles good-naturedly.

“Oh, by the way could I have the restroom key, Jungkook’s track got rejected again and the idiot’s gone and locked himself in there. Again.”

Bending to look under your table for the right set of keys, you cant help but feel the little worm of resentment wriggle in your heart. “If he were even half decent he’d apologise.” You grumble quietly.

“Looks like he already has.”

“What did you say?” You emerge from under the desk, a little red in the face, and hold the keys out to Tae.

“Thanks!” Tae grins widely at you as he takes the keys and makes in the direction of the hallway, calling out behind him, “Ramen at 9?”

“Choosing to have ramen with me over Jimin? I’m honoured.” You tease.

Turning back to your desk you notice a little convenience store heat pack with a yellow sticky note that says ‘it’s getting colder’ messily scribbled on it. Tae must have put it there while you were searching for the keys - a right shame he batted for the other team, the boy was so sweet.

“Thank you for the heat pack!”

“Not my doing!” Is his muffled reply from inside the corridors, but you just leave it at that.

—

Taehyung trains his eyes on the mop of black hair sitting in front of him at the audio console. He slowly swings in the spinny chair he’s kneeling backwards in, arms and chin on the high backrest.

After a couple minutes of silence Yoongi turns around.

“Tae I swear. I tolerate you, but if you continue staring at me while spinning in that chair for one more second I will enforce a shoes-on policy on this studio.”

The spinning continues, a playful gleam in the younger boy’s eyes. I call bluff. “When I’m gone, who else will you spill all your admin staff related problems to?”

Yoongi lets out a resigned sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Why he chose to let this shoeless, pajama-clad hooligan into his life he would never know.

“This is about ____, isn’t it?”

Taehyung nods. “What you gonna do about it?”

“Nothing.”

He stops spinning in the chair. “Hyung. You didn’t misplace her printing, spill coffee on her notes, make her give out flyers in the rain, put in her pay three days late, or even ask her to make ramen for Jungkook.” (The boy eats four packets in one go.) He lists them all out on his fingers, much to Yoongi’s further annoyance.

“Heck, maybe even collectively doing all of those things might have been better.” He wags an accusing finger in his face, but Yoongi chooses not to acknowledge it. Just like he’s trying not to acknowledge the huge clusterfuck that was this situation with you.

“You made _____ cry. The _____ who waters the stupid plant outside your door and replenishes the bottled water in your personal fridge after you run out because you’re too damn lazy to do it yourself. You’d both die of dehydration if not for her.”

“You both?”

“You and the plant outside, you fucking dumbass, since both of you have so much in common.”

Yoongi slumps deeper into his chair, twiddling with the rings on his fingers uncomfortably. He’s looking at his three computer screens filled with music arrangements but all he can see is your face, hurt and angry. There was a particular point where he saw a tear threaten to escape and he can’t remember feeling like more of an asshole. He’s frustrated that you make him frustrated with your stupid pretty face all crumpled up like that and the fact that he’d been the one to -

“So?” Taehyung asks expectantly.

Yoongi has a defeated look on his face. “I already apologised!”

Taehyung gives him a stare that was equal parts appalled and in disbelief. “With a two dollar heat pack you bought from the convenience store? Which you left on her desk, along with some random post-it and no name. She thinks it’s from me, by the way.”

“She should have been able to tell? ... From the handwriting?”

Taehyung just looks at him.

“I didn’t mean what I said, Tae.” He adds huffily after a short silence. You know why I get so prickly when people come into my studio without permission.”

“Hyung, but ____ doesn’t know that.” He reasons with a softer tone. “I know you like her. If you didn't you’d have fired her on the spot. She’s the best one yet, and pretty, too. I bet if you explained yourself she’d forgive you.”

He hates it, but Taehyung was right when it came to things like this. Your feelings had been hurt and insulted (unjustly so by him) and he didn’t know how to fix it, so he’d just avoided coming out of his room or being at the studio when you were working your shifts. Which had turned out to be an unexpected inconvenience because you were there, manning the reception and running the room bookings more often than he had thought.

“Knew she was trouble from the moment I hired her.” Yoongi grumbles.

“Stop it, old man. You’re just saying that because you like her.”

And indeed you were, all doe-eyed and warm smiles in a floral print dress catching him off guard the day you tentatively pushed the doors of the studio open, asking about the position opening for a receptionist.

Yoongi soon discovered, over the three months you’d been here so far, that you were also a college student struggling to pay her bills, and your shy disposition hid a sharp tongue and intelligent dry wit that had left him chuckling below his breath before he could stop himself. You were definitely trouble, and just his kind.

“After you apologise you should just ask her out already,” tae adds, “she’s totally got a thing going for you."

Yoongi scoffs. “Yes, _____ totally has a thing for me and my winning personality.” He puts his hand on his chin in mock contemplation. “Now I know why she ran off crying. She’s in love with me.”

“I said, after you apologise. Properly. She’ll forgive you.”

“Maybe I can just fire her. Then I don’t have to see her again.” He groans.

“Then I’d never forgive you.”

The words were sharp, but that was just Taehyung. There was somehow always a kindness to everything he did or said, even if it was an unpleasant thing; it had made Yoongi see the error of his ways more than once. The kid was more mature than anyone gave him credit for.

Tae pushes off the chair and claps an encouraging hand on the older boy’s shoulder before turning to leave the room.

“Just say sorry, Yoongi. It’s not that hard.”

—

The way Dongwon looks at you as he leans on the reception counter makes you uncomfortable. In the kind of way that you can feel his eyes on your face, your throat, your shoulders. It makes you want to take a shower. Not that you were wearing anything revealing. In fact, you are the antithesis of sexy right now in what Chungha liked to call The Nun Outfit - a white turtleneck knit and a plain black midi skirt that fell to your shins.

Nevertheless, you force a smile out, respecting that this was one of Yoongi's previous work partners. “I’m sorry, but Yoongi specifically told me not to allow any unscheduled reservations today.”

“Come on babe. I left shortly after you arrived, but you know who I am. I just gotta pick something up, and use studio B for a while.”

His usage of the affectionate term on you makes your skin prickle but you shake it off. “Maybe you could leave a message?”

Fumbling at your desk, you reach for a pen and a notepad, pointedly ignoring the way Dongwon is leaning in closer, not sparing you an inch of his scrutiny. “Here, you can use this -"

“Are you fucking him?”

You freeze. “What?"

Dongwon gives you a once over and runs his tongue on the inside of his cheek. You think you’re going to throw up.

“Are you two fucking? Is that why you’re listening to him like a good little - ”

Yoongi is nothing if not a possessive man. So when he catches the tail end of your conversation with Dongwon on his way out to get this third Americano of the day, and sees Dongwon looming over you like you're his next meal, he feels a sharp, intense anger pressing against his chest.

“The heck do you want?” Yoongi is seething as he enters the reception area, but he tames the flames quickly. His tone is deceptively level.

Dongwon looks away from you and a weird expression crosses his face, but it’s schooled quickly. “Yoongi, my man.” He greets emptily.

“I’m just visiting. Seeing how you’re doing.”

“Great.” is Yoongi's clipped reply as he sets his empty cup on the counter and tosses a couple of bills in front of you.

“Im sorry, sajangnim, I told him you said no unscheduled -”

“Iced americano, triple shot.” Yoongi cuts you off.

He looks at you pointedly, the first time he’s acknowledged you since he had shouted at you a week ago. Under normal circumstances you’d have snapped back about how ‘so we’re only speaking if you need me to be the coffee lady’ but today you just take the money and leave the office, glad to be out of there. You drag your feet, walking as slow as possible to the cafe downstairs and pray the barista takes longer, but there’s only so much time you can kill before you have to go back up. Coming to the end of the corridor you just hope they’re both gone by the time you get back so it saves you the confrontation but -

You stop just before they can see you through the glass door.

"You don't talk to my people that way."

"Your people?" You don't need to see Dongwon's face to know he's sporting a twisted mocking expression.

"What’s the matter, she’s free game if you guys aren’t sleeping together." His leering tone makes you blanch. "With a face like that? She's way out of your league, man, and even if you were fucking, it doesn't mean you can't share - “

Dongwon is cut off when you hear the loud, telling smack of a fist connecting with a face. It is all you can do to not drop the coffee in your hand, the other coming to cover your mouth to muffle a gasp.

“God, what the fuck is wrong with you, Yoongi? Who shoved a cactus up your ass?”

There is a brief scuffling noise, and the sound of some pushing and shoving, but quickly, it is quiet again.

“You know I could end your career in one phonecall, right?” You can barely hear Yoongi from where you are, but one thing’s for sure. You’ve never heard him like this before. Angry and menacing.

“I know what you’re here for. I’m not going to fall for it again. I kept quiet to protect the people in Namjoon’s company, but don’t you for one damn moment think I don’t know you’re the stealing bastard who took my demos and used them as your own.”

"And when Namjoon realises what your work is like - ha!" Yoongi snorts. "I was gonna watch you die a slow and public death but I guess that can be sped up."

Suddenly, things click into place with a shrill clarity. You don’t hear Dongwon say anything.

“You. Owe. Me. So you be a good little bitch and apologise to _____ when she comes back, and if you even so much as breathe on the corner of my block again, I’m going to fucking end you.”

“Yoongi you -“

If there was a good time for Badass Bitch™ to make an appearance it would probably be now. So you squeeze your eyes shut and with a deep breath, push open the office door.

“Coffee’s here!” You say a little too brightly, like you didn’t just walk in on an altercation.

Dongwon is trapped against the counter, collar gripped in Yoongi’s fist. He’s sporting a shiner on his cheekbone. Your lip trembles, but you manage to hold it in place. After a tense moment, Yoongi releases his grip with a disgusted exhale. Dongwon brushes himself off, turning away to straighten his shirt.

You place the coffee cup on the counter, turning to Yoongi and holding out a small fist. When he just looks at you, you grab his wrist and deposit some coins in his hand. You notice his knuckles are definitely pink.

“Your change.”

Yoongi ignores you, looking over your head at Dongwon. He opens his mouth like he’s about about to throw a nasty remark, but then closes it again with fire burning in his eyes and turns to leave.

“Oi. You forgot something. ” Yoongi’s tone is dangerous, warning.

Dongwon looks back, eyes still blazing, gaze shifting to you when Yoongi tilts his head in your direction.

He scoffs before pushing the door open, but then as he leaves he spits out begrudgingly, “Sorry, or whatever.”

You stand there in shocked silence for a good full minute before your senses come back to you. You turn to Yoongi again, grabbing his wrist to examine his hand.

“Yoongi, your hand -“ you start, but he’s already yanking it back from your grasp and muttering an angry “I’m fine”, before grabbing his coffee off the counter and heading back into his studio with a slam of his door.

If Yoongi’s day could have gotten any worse, it just did. There is a knocking on his door, for the third time in a row now and -

Knock knock knock.

He groans, yanking the door open. If he could get any more pissed off, he does, when he comes face to face with Taehyung.

“The fuck do you want, Tae, I swear if it’s nonsense again -"

"Stop taking your problems out on other people, hyung. Getting real tired of your shit here."

Yoongi groans internally. Tae was right. Again.

"Sorry. Its been a day. Dongwon was here earlier." He explains wearily, and the younger boy softens a little with understanding.

"S'okay. He's gone now?"

"Yeah, left him with a present too." Taehyung eyes Yoongi's hand that rested on the doorframe. He nods a few times, and then shoves a plastic bag into Yoongi’s hands.

“I have a present for you. It’s from ____.”

Your name stuns him for a moment. “Wait. Who?”

“____. She asked me to give it to you. I think she’s too afraid to give it to you herself.”

“What? Why?”

Taehyung doesn’t say anything, just rolls his eyes before walking away. Yoongi shuts the door and slumps back in his chair, hand coming to massage his temples but he winces when he tries to make a fist. His knuckles are an angry, painful red. He definitely hit Dongwon harder than he’d intended.

Sighing, he empties the contents of the little bag onto the table and finds a tube of anti-inflammatory ointment, a roll of bandages, and a little pink post it note. It’s from you. You’ve doodled a smiling caricature of yourself with a tiny speech bubble that says ‘thank you!’.

He picks it up, running a finger over the smiley face and plasters in the top right hand corner.

Huddling deeper into your coat as you trudge miserably back down the street in the direction of the studio, you silently thank Tae for the heat packs he’s been leaving you - though he always denies it and you wonder why. Of course it’s just your luck that you left your house keys at the office on the coldest night of the month.

It’s not that Yoongi was avoiding you, you reason to yourself, as you walk, he was always like that. Aside from the first interview, you didn’t get a second glimpse of him till the third week into your new job. And even then you didnt really know what he actually looked like, because his face was always covered with a mask or a black cap pulled low. You heard more about your boss than how much you actually saw him.

Maybe he just felt embarrassed by the whole two situations? You reason to yourself. Frankly you were over the whole shouting fest. Maybe he just had an off day, so what? (Chungha was right, you were just a little miffed that he didn’t apologise to you, but you guessed he’d redeemed himself). As you round the corner you kick a stray pebble that bounces down the street -

Oh.

You remember the first time you had a Good Look at Yoongi. Not just glimpses of eyes under a cap pulled low, or a flash of his profile as he tugs his hood up over his head. Like, a real proper stare. It was about a month and a half in, when you were heading to water the plants outside his studio before you ended your shift, and caught him working late with the door open.

You had imagined him to have coarse, unrefined features, what with his reclusive, gruff personality. And so you were caught by surprise, when you're greeted with a delicate side profile, strong brows slightly furrowed in concentration as he experiments with different chords on the keyboard with long, elegant fingers. A plush lower lip is worried between a row of clean, straight teeth. It was an unconventional kind of handsomeness, a kind that made you want to look, and look again.

But it's like he knows you're there and looks up. Before you can apologise out of habit, he closes the door in your face, your gaze meeting his for a split second. His eyes are angled with an almost feline quality under long lashes, sharp and guarded. You didn’t know what they guarded, but you felt a curiosity take bud in your chest and it was in that moment you knew you were very much in trouble.

But it is not clear how much trouble you are in. And you thought you were clear of that trouble, given the happenings of the past weeks. But now you realise any chance of being clear of it is now shot to shit when you round the corner of the street and see him crouching at the curb outside the building near a small ball of fur.

He’s playing with a cat.

Softly, the three-coloured cat he’s watching purrs, abandoning the can of tuna in favour of rubbing itself against Yoongi’s shin. He pulls a hand out of his hoodie pocket and reaches down to scratch between its ears. A gentle, endearing smile finds its way onto his face. You feel your heart squeeze.

But like the last time, before you can make your presence known, he looks up. He knows. There’s an expression on his face like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been.

Yoongi quickly stands up and shoves his hand back into his hoodie pocket as you approach. It is at this point a small logical part of his mind registers that it would be a good time to apologise to you, but for the most part it is a mental re-enactment of a keyboard smash when you give him an unsure smile and a tiny wave. All swaddled in your coat and scarf, you were so cute, and holy shit you were walking over and he had no clue what he was going to say.

“So you’re the one spoiling him.” You murmur as the cat leaves Yoongi to pad over to you.

“Him?” He replies dumbly.

You nod to the meowing ball of fur curling around your ankles. “Him. I named him Jimin.”

“Jimin.” He repeats slowly. “A very human name?”

Yoongi watches you, as you watch the cat, a small smile gracing your face. “He reminds me of a friend of a friend. Small and cute. But has claws. And very clingy once he gets close to you.”

You look up to catch him staring, and he quickly redirects his attention to a streetlamp in the distance. “Yeah, I’ve been feeding him for a couple of weeks now. You’re definitely right about him being clingy.” Yoongi admits sheepishly as he shifts his weight from foot to foot.

Crouching to give Jimin a head scratch, you can sense Yoongi wants to say something. But you reckon he doesn’t know how. You think about giving him a hard time, but you don’t. You figure getting caught feeding a little cat is enough punishment for him.

“Don’t worry, sajangnim. I won’t tell anyone." You say with a little smile. "I’ll keep your image intact.”

Your smile makes his brain short circuit. "What?"

You let out a laugh because this was the most flustered you’d ever seen Yoongi, over a cat, no less! (you were wrong about this) And boy, was it amusing.

It's a light, happy noise and it's so pretty, Yoongi thinks. A pretty laugh for a pretty girl.

"Y'know, your whole brooding, all black, don't talk to me, mysterious guy image." You make a mask gesture over your face and then to him in mock disbelief.

"Playing with cats isn't very on brand of you, but I'll keep that information to myself."

Yoongi laughs then, and he dips his head to try and hide it, but from where you're crouching with Jimin you're treated to a glimpse of the cutest gummy smile that makes your heart turn into mush. You mentally note to prepare yourself for the next time he does that.

Putting your hands on your knees you push yourself back up and you both stand in companionable silence for a little while, watching the little cat go back to his bowl of tuna.

“I’m gonna -“

“Yeah so - “

The expression of mild surprise quickly turns into amusement on Yoongi’s face, and it makes you laugh softly into your palm like a shy fifteen year old. You quirk your head at him. Yoongi feels like it is really unfair for someone to be this cute.

“You first.”

Yoongi rubs the back of his neck with his hand and looks up at you from behind the hair falling in his eyes.

“I’m. Uh.” He stutters. “Realised I never apologised for that day.”

“It’s okay,” you smile reassuringly. “I’m over it.”

“You are?”

“Yeah.” You shrug. “I mean, granted you were a Top Notch Asshole, but I guess it was just a bad day for you.”

“I deserve that. Taehyung told me I should stop taking my anger out on others. Its true.”

“I accept your apology. Everyone has their own… thing.” You say stupidly after not being able to find better words.

“I just have issues sometimes. With... intellectual property.” He gestures vaguely in the air, trying to explain the best he can and you understand that he doesn’t really want to say more.

“I know.”

Yoongi’s brow knits in confusion for a moment before realisation dawns upon him.

“You heard us.”

You nod with a tight smile. “I didn’t mean to.”

Yoongi nods. “You’re not curious?”

“I am.” You consider this for a while, before adding: “but I don’t want to hear it if you don’t want to tell me.”

Yoongi doesn’t say anything, just continues staring at you. He likes that you are perceptive, and that you don’t feel like you’re automatically owed a lengthy explanation (even though he feels like you were). He likes your humour and the way you say things, and how every emotion is displayed so clearly on your face. He used to hate it because he thought it was a lack of tact, but honesty like yours is something he’s recently come to treasure a lot.

His staring makes your skin prickle all over and your cheeks flush, so you look for something to say.

“So all the receptionists who've worked for you become your punching bag, or was it just me?”

“Only the pretty ones.” He's sporting that cheeky gummy smile again.

He thought you were pretty?

It was so cliche, but it made you giggle. "Okay, casanova."

Your laugh dies down and you do this little shrug smile thing at him. In the muted yellow of the lamplight, and the snow starting to fall around you, Yoongi feels his heart stutter.

“Thanks, for the... stuff.” He pulls his other hand out of his hoodie to show you that it’s bandaged.

“Ah, you got them. I’m glad Tae got them to you. I didn’t know if you um.” You pause. “... wanted my company or not.” Yoongi blanches apologetically. “I’m working on it.”

After a moment of silence, you point up at the building. “I gotta get going. I left my house keys in the office. I came back to get them.”

“I think I’ll stay here a little longer.” He looks down at his furry friend working steadily at finishing whatever's in the bowl. “With Jimin.”

A sudden gust of cold, sharp wind cuts by, and you shove your hands deeper into your pockets kept warm by the heat pack Taehyung had given you. You see Yoongi shiver in his hoodie, and in the spur of the moment you fish out the heat pack in your pocket and hold it out to him.

“Take this, if you're gonna be out here. It’s getting colder these days.”

There is an odd expression on Yoongi’s face and he stares weirdly at you for a moment before you go into panic mode.

“Oh no, do you mind that I’ve been holding it before? Oh no I’m sorry. It’s okay, my hands are clean, I wash them often, twice actually with soap and water. I don’t like germs. If you want I also have hand sanitiser - “ you begin digging around hastily in your little sling bag, but freeze when Yoongi’s hands settles over your own.

They are big and warm, and the rough callouse on his palm brushes gently over your knuckles. You can’t help but imagine what they’d feel like on other places of your body. He accepts the heat pack from you, fingers lingering just a little too long - you’re sure of it, you hadn’t imagined that.

“Thank you, ____.” He offers you a half-smile and you can feel your heart flip flop like a fish in your chest.

All of a sudden, self-consciousness hits you in waves, and you school your features, clearing your throat. “I… I’d better get going, sajangnim.”

“Yoongi.”

“What?”

“Call me Yoongi.”

Yoongi finds himself biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling too wide as he watches you, all flustered as you stutter a mumbled agreement and goodbye, trudging off abruptly in the direction you came. Only to turn back around because you’d gone in the wrong direction instead of going to get your keys. Cute, he thinks to himself. Very cute.

—

The first time you say his name is two weeks later and you’re not used to calling him that, so he really has to drag it out of you. (Not that he didn’t enjoy it, but you best believe he won’t ever let you live it down that you couldn’t bring yourself to drop the honorifics.)

It’s after hours, and he’s leaning against the audio console in his studio, with you standing between his legs. A random demo track of his plays in the background - a simple piano melody, but you don't recognise it. Must be one of the new things he's been working on - there were a lot of them lately. One of them being working up the sexual tension between you two, which had reached a head today, given the position you were in. You were about to burst. Into tears, or flames you didn't know which but you sure as hell were about to find out.

You are eye to eye with Yoongi. An arm around your waist presses you against his chest with nowhere to run, the other hand gently cupping the side of your face. He is terribly close, so warm and smells of soap and the leather jacket he’s wearing.

“Say it properly.”

A little bubble of annoyance rises in your throat at the smug expression on his face. You’re rather cute when you’re frustrated.

“This is blackmail. It’s illegal, you know?” You say huffily. “It’s just a name, why do you have to make life so hard for me? I’m sure you’d know - “

You ramble on, and Yoongi watches you fondly - you weren't much of a talker, but put you in a spot and suddenly you couldn’t stop talking. He’s rather excited to discover more of this side of you. Even your coping mechanisms were cute, and he thinks to himself that he’s pretty much done for.

Yoongi places his index finger under your chin, tipping your head up to meet his gaze and runs the pad of his thumb slowly over your bottom lip. You shut up, and watch him as he watches his finger press into the soft flesh. The guy knew exactly what he was doing, and you were going to let him.

“Kiss me.”

Yoongi tilts his face even nearer, lips hovering dangerously close.

“Not good enough.” He whispers. His breath fans gently across your cheek; it smells like the mint gum he likes to chew on when he’s working on a particularly difficult track.

Yoongi feels your small hands tighten around the lapels of his jacket, and he’s met with a glare that is pleading and dare he say… petulant? He’s wanted to kiss you for a long time, and he’s thought about it a lot. More than is healthy for him, he thinks, but oh, does he want to tease you just a little bit longer.

“Not. Good. Enough.”

“Yoongi, kiss me.”

When Yoongi first kisses you, he does so chastely. He nips delicately at your lips. His own are soft, unhurried and teasing - a tender shadow of a kiss. You can tell he's relaxing, savoring the moment, and like a fog settling in, your world grows hazy with the smell, taste and touch of him.

"There's my girl." Yoongi whispers as he pulls away, his breath mixing with yours. Unintentionally you shift, moving forward for another kiss because he's kissing you but not really kissing you. And unsurprisingly, he stays where he is, just out of reach.

"Kiss me. Properly ", you repeat.

He moves his lips slowly to your jaw and lower; you can feel his laugh through his chest. You crane your neck and let out a breathy "oh god" when Yoongi takes his own sweet time to suck a deep pink bruise into the creamy expanse of skin there. He appraises, with satisfaction, the way his mark looks on you before soothing it with his warm lips and tongue.

"Come on princess," he murmurs against your skin in between licks. "Try again."

The term of endearment he uses on you is your undoing, and he makes a mental note with emphatic exclamation points to revisit this tidbit of information at a later date.

"Yoongi. Kiss me. Please."

And just like that he continues where you two left off, this time with no ounce of teasing or flirting. It's hot and shameless and wanton. Yoongi is no longer gentle. The hand around your waist drops to the curve of your ass, gripping hard and pulling you onto your tiptoes. He slips a thigh between your legs, your hips now flush against his - a delicious pressure you can't get enough of. The other hand palms your breast, rubbing a pebbling nipple through your clothes and the sudden friction makes you gasp. He takes the chance parting of your lips to lick into your mouth, swallowing your soft moans eagerly. You run one of your hands up to the nape of his neck. Carding your fingers through the hair there earns you a low groan, and a heavy, languid swipe of his tongue against yours.

You don’t know how long you spend memorising the taste of him, his hands claiming every possible inch of your skin, but eventually the kiss slows. Yoongi takes your bottom lip between his teeth, biting gently as he pulls away. For a moment all you can hear is the the blood roaring in your ears.

As the both of you catch your breath, Yoongi is just watching you now. The hand that rests on your waist moves up your belly, up your chest. It comes to rest at the base of your throat, thumb one one side and four fingers on the other. Silently, you revel in its weight. The feeling of his rings on your skin makes you shiver a little. Unable to help himself, he squeezes ever so slightly. Like this, he can feel your hummingbird pulse under the pad of his thumb.

Your eyes flutter shut momentarily, but not before you see his eyes light with desire.

You look up at him, and he decides he likes you like this. He really, really likes you like this - soft, pliant, all pressed up against him with your moans and kiss-swollen lips, and for the love of god, begging.

It’s a bit pathetic how you’ve got him all wrapped around your little finger but he's had enough of teasing and he gets to kiss you now, so he doesn’t care. He smiles widely, closing the distance between his lips and yours again.

Six months down the road is the first time he lets you listen to that piano track when it’s finished. You don’t remember it at first, but he’s quick to jolt your memory with a very in depth and very realistic re-enactment.

When you finally get down to listening to it, he plays it off as cool and nonchalant, but you’re attuned to his little mannerisms by now, and the way he’s picking at the skin on his thumb told you this was important. He’s nervous to let you listen to it.

It’s beautiful - a soft piano backing track compliments his husky rap in an unexpected but flawless manner, and the way it builds into a crescendo fills you with raw emotion. Your eyes are wet by the time the last few notes play.

“Yoongi, it’s beautiful.”

He smiles at you, but continues picking at his thumb.

“You don’t think it’s too… different?” He frowns a little. “From my other stuff? Will people like it?”

You walk over to take his face between two of your small hands. You’re looking at him like he’s your entire world and his heart is going to burst. “ Don’t worry. It’s going to be amazing. It is amazing. You’re amazing.”

In that moment, Yoongi feels invincible. He presses a long, sweet kiss to your lips.

“Some day, I’m going to write a song about you.” he breathes when he pulls away. You beam quietly.

“Music is my first love but you - “ there is a pause as he takes a moment to run a finger across your cheek, so gentle, as if he might break you if he wasn’t careful enough.“ - you are my forever love.”

#joonclouds writes #yoongi #bts yoongi #yoongi fic #bts fic #suga fic #yoongi fluff #producer yoongi makes me feel things

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magicflowershop · 4 years

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one day kitty; Yamaguchi version

《inspired by movie A Whisker Away》

✿✿ you wished to be with the person you like and wish granted. whiskers, button nose, tail, four legs and ears on top of the head; you turned into a cat. with this, you are given the opportunity to be with the person you want to express your affections to. but as a cat. and only in one day.

― haikyuu characters x cat!reader imagines!

❀ masterlist ❀

the wheel of names have spoken.

long story short, you knew Yamaguchi and liked him for the longest time,,, not to mention it kinda annoyed you that Tsukishima was there by his side too and kinda knows you have a crush on Yams but we’ll get to that

you’ve been living in the same neighborhood as Yams and you just liked how he’s such a sweet guy and smiles as if everything was alright

he made you feel like you wanted to protect him kinda guy yk

so,,, uh did i mention you’re a cat now? no?

nyways you’re a cat now

for some damn reason

the last thing you remember the previous night there’s this fortune teller you went to and that you mentioned to said fortune teller you wanted to get even closer to your crush on some way possible

and you remember clearly how the fortune teller grinned at you and say

“i can make that thing some way possible”

creepy ass-

and then you woke up as a cat right next to Yamaguchi’s house

talk about convenience

you were right by their gate when Yamaguchi walked out the door, ready for school,,, instinctively you pretended to sleep out there like a lonely cold cat that’s been abandoned yk just to get his attention like that

“why is there a cat here?”

said in a very disgusted voice by Yamaguchi’s childhood friend, Tchkishima ‘Kay

Yamaguchi was just as confused bc there’s never been a cat that looked like you in their neighborhood before and he wondered if you were somebody’s pet that ran off

so Yams bein the sweetheart he is,, picked you up,, took you in his arms

and placed you in a nearby bush with all the other cats

because the cat were on the streets all defenseless like that, he was worried that it might get hit by a car or sumthin ykyk aw

so the boys left you there

gettin screeched at by the cats

bc you werent a normal cat lmao

and so you went on to your journey of ✨ stalking Yams ✨

and Tsukki gettin weirded at by you bc you were stalkin em ✨ but Yams is the star here ignore Tsukki :>

stalkin ain’t an easy job honey baby no sir no ma’am,, especially since you literally have to climb a tree just to see through the window of his classroom since animals aren’t allowed inside the school premises

you cant even sneak past the hall monitors

but thank goodness they had breaks and the boys go outside to go to the gym and practice

nyways knowin full well that you are a cat and that cats are created cute

sis mhmm did you use that advantage

except Yams is just

not noticing you

lmfao

and to add to your dismay, Tsukishima’s even laughin at you

a monster

see, Yams is just too tall and kinda too absorbed on his jump float serves that he barely turns elsewhere,, you kinda wished you were the ball

but what can you do when your crush was as much as a volleyball addict as the rest of his team,, so you try and get his attention with a different approach ;)

you annoy the hell outta Tsukishima

and when i say the hell outta him i meant the hell outta him

bc what you’ve gathered from earlier, it seemed that you were pretty blatant about your affections towards Yamaguchi that he caught onto it and even had the audacity of laughing at you :>

so you’re beautiful big brain plan was to make Tsukishima notice you, make him annoyed by you that’ll make Yams worry what’s wrong

it was a stupid yet effective idea

so literally you stared at Tsukishima all through practice, and he just tried to ignore whatever it was you were doing and you heard him whisper to Yams

“that cat kinda reminds me of someone”

“who?”

“y/n”

“wdym?”

“annoying”

“gasp y/n isn’t annoying”

so yes your heart was leAPING IN JOY just from knowin Yams standing up for you from Tsukki of all people and dont find you annoying in human form,,, after all those times you insisted to go home with them lmao

he doesnt find you annoying

like wow

well anywho

your craziness dont end there bc you havent had Yams to notice you yet, and after classes practice have already ended

so you let Tsukishima free from his sins and decided to proceed thy actions in,,,,, wait for it

Yamaguchi’s home

bc you nasty

bc you wanted to spend the rest of the night wif him and staying in home would be boring ykyk

but you did know you should be careful of not accidentally transforming back to human in front of him

so you took the time and waited until you thought he was already in his sleeping clothes bc common you aren’t a perv right? right

until you peeked through his window all shy and whatnot,,, to see him passed out on his bed

….

you waited more than an hour for this

your simpin ass was disappointed

but you ofc was never runnin out of bogus ideas, so you tried to act like a regular stupid cat and started tapping your lil paw beans on his window as loudly as you could,,, you could’ve started clawing his window cause thats louder but you wouldn’t damage his property common

Yamaguchi’s sensitive ass heard this and was snapped awake, a drool wavin to say hello, to see a little damn cat making a ruckus

he opened the window and let you in

and you gave the littlest softest meow you could manifest from ur being

Yams lit thought you were purring from the cold lmao but that doesn’t matter bc he let you in his room thank god we have progress now

he wrapped you around with a towel to keep you warm and held you close, askin you where your family was or if you were abandoned,,, yes heaven never felt this good

he was about to fall asleep when you notice it was already 11.45pm oh no

15 mins left you turn back to normal

you checked up on him to see if he asleep so you could leave his room without saying anything,, ofc you didn’t want him to see you in your sorry state as a whole simp ofc not

good thing his window stayed open,, you left without saying a word as if what you did was a one night stand and ran away

you ran all the way back to your house as fast as you could with your tiny stealthy body but you didn’t even realize you were running mindlessly and that you got lost

oh no what the hell are you doing you’re wasting time dude

less than 8 minutes you’re turning back and somebody might see you

you retraced your steps, trying to go somewhere you recognize and spend the night there hiding from anyone’s sight,,, it was okay to spend the night somewhere bc you’ll wake up back in your house in your body as if nothing happened

yes as if nothing happened

“watch out!”

you were yanked and dragged out of the way by a person’s body,, a boy’s body to be exact and when you looked up, a pair of green and stunned eyes met yours

“… y/n?”

you were done for

it seemed that you almost got hit by a car mid-transformation and Tadashi was in time to save you as he found you idling about in front of his house

so you got back in time

you stared at him completely in shock as he was talking to the person who drove the car and apologizing,, while still holding you close you thanked every god you were still wearin clothes

“well take care that fella over there”

the driver went back inside his car after checking if you both were alright

“i will!”

sis i-

Yamaguchi then turned to you this time and with a stern expression says

“i’ll ask mom to let you spend the night, but other than that you have some explaining to do ma’am”

stay tuned for more! :>

#walk in my garden #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu!! imagines #haikyuu!! smau #haikyuu!! headcanons #haikyuu!! drabbles #haikyuu!! x reader #yamaguchi #yamaguchi tadashi #tadashi yamaguchi #yamaguchi x reader #yamaguchi x y/n #yams #karasuno #one day kitty

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 4 years

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Kindred Spirit (Taehyung X You) (ONESHOT)

A/N: The full version of the Taehyung fanfic, but I changed it a little from the preview I posted. Hope its okay 😘 also, im not sure whats an "er of their marriage" means exactly? But i take it their life after marriage? Ill make an epilogue of that soon! 😘

"Ive been an idol for years Y/N and you have never once come to see me perform? Dont you know people would die for all the free passes and tickets I left for you?!" Her bestfriend grumbles, hands crossed over his chest, his pout over an inch long.

Y/N laughs.

"Thats why I said you should give it to someone else thats actually have time to go watch you,"

"But you are my best friend. BESTFRIEND Y/N. How is is possible you never once saw me perform? And you dont even know any of my bandmates? How is that possible??" Yoongi keeps on grumbling in disbelief.

"Well.. Min Yoongi. I can give you an answer. Because I'm busy with real life okay. You know my appa wants me to take over soon. You know I dont do it on purpose right?" Y/N pouts, hoping if shes cute enough, or looks guilty enough Yoongi would actually forgive her.

"Nope. Your puppy face wont cut it this time,"

Damn.

"You are coming. And if I dont see you cheering your ass off tomorrow night, front row, our friendship is over. Over I say!"

And thats is why Y/N is running and pushing through the excited crowd of boys and girls in the stadium, trying to find her section. She made it! She almost didnt, but almost didnt matter. Shes here now. All dressed in her work clothes, with what is supposed to be called an Army Bomb in her hand, something that her secretary shoved in her bag earlier, saying its a must have for an Army. She dont even know what an Army is!

As the show starts, Y/N jumps to the music, smiling proudly everytime Yoongi make an appearance. She has heard him rapped before, but she never seen him this charismatic. Its as if the man on stage is not even the dorky Yoongi she has known for years. And his band members... wow. All so talented, all so good looking.

As the concert ended, Y/N makes her way backstage, flashing the pass Yoongi gave her and make her way through series of dressing room, trying to find the one where the boys are in.

"Must be this one," she followed the door that has the most sound and lights to find the boys chatting, congratulating each other. "Uh, Yoongi?" Y/N calls out softly, feeling awkward. Is she even supposed to be here?

"Oh you are here. God, cant believe you actually made it!" Yoongi rushed over and gave her a tight hug. "Wait, I'll introduce you to the others, but I need to change my pants first. Wait here, dont move!" Before she could say anything, Yoongi has already ran off.

"Uh.. okay. Ill stay here I guess," she moved herself timidly to a corner and stands awkwardly, hoping no one would notice her. But wishes dont always come true.

"Hey, uh..." a guy, a very handsome guy, who Y/N recognizes as one of Yoongi's band members, but cant be sure who, approached her.

"Uh.. yes? A-am I not supposed to be here? Im sorry. Im just waiting for Y-"

"Oh, no. I just want to ask you. Wheres the bathroom?"

"Huh?" Y/N looks at the guy curiously. Is he for real? He had a three day back to back concert here and today is the third day. And he doesnt know where the bathroom is? And he is asking... her? Y/N laughs before answering. So weird.

"Uh.. I-"

Smack.

"You know very well where the bathroom is you idiot. What are you talking about?" Yoongi who just came back smacked the guy's head.

"Ouchhh, hyunggg," he pouted, rubbing his head.

"Serves you right. Thats the worse and most cringy pick up line ever!"

"Hyunggggg, shut upppp," the guy eyed Y/N shyly and glares at his hyung and turn his attention back on her. "S-sorry. I just wanted to talk to you but I dont want to scare you off," he grins sheepishly.

"Oh, its okay. Im not a stalker. I'm here because Yoongs invited me. I'm Y/N," she hands out her hand for a handshake. "And no, I dont know where the bathroom is," she giggles.

Yoongi rolls his eye and smacks his forehead at the lame attempt of flirting the younger man is doing.

"Hi Y/N. I'm Taehyung," he grips her hand and shakes it. "Kim Taehyung. And I'm the guy you will be having coffee with tonight," he grins.

/////

"Okay, so do you have a boyfriend?"

"No appa, I dont," Y/N sighs, frustrated.

"Then uh.... do you not like men? I mean, Im okay with that sweetheart, as long as you are happy..."

Y/N smile a little. Her appa is the most adorable man ever existed.

"Appa, no!" She giggles.

"Okay, okay. Im just asking. You know I will support you always princess," her appa smile and she can see a small sigh of relieve. "Then what is it sweetheart? Why are you so against this marriage with Hyun Dae?"

"Well, for one, I think arranged marriage is so old school appa," she pouts. "We are not living in the 60s or 20s or whatever year you and eomma are from,"

"How old do you think we are? The 20s?!" Her appa laughs. "Arranged marriage is not so bad you know,"

"Its not bad at all. I actually found the love of my life," her eomma gets up from the couch and link arms with her husband. "Although he is quite annoying at first," she laughs. Y/N's appa leans and kiss the top of her mothers head.

"Its the best decision ever," he smiles.

Y/N roll her eyes. It is well known between their family, friends and community that her parents are as in love as ever. They were from two wealthy family, arranged to be married, and lucky for them, they were each other soulmates.

"Appa, eomma, just because you two are lucky doesnt mean everyone is,"

"But sweetheart, Hyun Dae is everything a man can be. Hes very kind, smart, hes taking over his appa's business, he loves animals, arts, kids. Everything that you like. And plus, you two are quite close too. Why are you so against it?"

Y/N sighs.

"I dont know. Maybe a little part of me wants that traditional love story you know? To fall madly in love with someone and then get married?" She sighs and lays her head on her elbow. Her parents look at each other before her eomma approached her slowly, stroking her hair slowly.

"Sweetheart... are you in love with someone?"

"Well..." Y/N scratched her neck, avoiding their intrusive eyes. Her lips immediately curl into a small smile as an image immediately pops inside her head. Boxy smile, deep voice, always happy, positive outlook on everything. The one guy who made her deeply fall in love.

"Oh my dear, who is it? Why didnt you tell us?" Her eomma smile widely, clapping her hand in excitement.

"Well.. its uh.. because I dont know if he feels the same way..."

"Have you told him yet? Whoever this lucky person is?" Her appa take a step closer to her, smiling. His princess' happiness is everything to him.

"N-no. Not yet. I dont know. Should I?"

"You should sweetheart. Or how else would he know? And he most definitely feels the same way,"

"Do you think so appa?"

"I know so," he smiles. "Who in the world wouldnt fall in love with you sweetheart?"

Y/N smiles. Her parents are the best.

"Then I'll tell him. I'll tell him tomorrow,"

/////

"I like you Taehyung,"

A few moments past without either one saying anything. The air that pricks her skins feels colder. But nothing is colder that Taehyung's stare that is emotionless in front of her right now.

"Uh.. what? I heard you wrong I think," he laughs awkwardly.

"I... like you Taehyung,"

"Well, I like you too. Of course. You are one of my closest friends," Taehyung smiles. Y/N feels her heart suffocating but still puts on a brave face. Maybe he dont understand what she meant. Taehyung can be oblivious sometimes.

"I like you Taehyung," Y/N says it much clearer this time. "I.. love you. I love you Kim Taehyung. Like for real,"

"Listen..," he sighs after a few moment of silence. "I'm really flattered that you uh.. have feelings for me. And I know we have developed some degree of friendship, but... you thats what you are... just a friend," he looks at her with his deep gaze. "Yoongi's hyung friend to be exact,"

"Yoongi's friend?" Y/N looks at him, eyes filled with confusion. "After all this time. Is that all I am to you Tae? Your hyung's friend?"

"You know what I mean Y/N. You know how we met-"

"Yeah, I know how we met Tae.. but I though after all these time and moments we had..."

"That I would think of you as more? That I would fall in love with you?" Taehyung sighs. "I'm sorry if you felt like I lead you on. Thats just me. I'm just friendly. Im this way with everyone. But come on Y/N. Look at the facts. How can I be with you? I'm a worldstar, and you are well... you,"

Y/N felt like Taehyung just stabbed hee heart a million times. What does he mean that shes just.. her? Whats so wrong about being her?

"I enjoy our friendship, our interaction Y/N, but no more than that. And I am sorry to say that I am in a relationship. We havent gone public yet, but we are planning to, by this week,"

"I-in a relationship? With who Tae? A-and you didnt even bother to tell me? After all the time we spent together?" Y/N feels like screaming, but she knows she has no right to do so. All she can do is hold in her tears that can easily burst at any time.

"I think you know her," he smiles. Oblivious to the pain that Y/N is feeling. "Oraia. The new idol,"

"Oraia?" Oh Y/N knows the girl perfectly well. Pretty, fashionable, great at singing, dancing. Any guy would kill to have her. Including Taehyung it seems.

"I-I have to know Tae. W-why her? H-how?" Y/N managed to choked out her question.

"Oraia is the perfect girl for me," Taehyung smile at the thoughts of her, proving how in love he is, making Y/N's heart breaks even more. "An idol, beautiful, talented, shes basically the female version of me. So I'm sorry, but you..." Taehyung stops, trying to find the right word to describe what hes saying. "You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"

"You are not a worldstar when I met you. You are not that like this when I met you," Y/N said softly, holding in tears. "We are not that much different from each other Tae,"

Taehyung gave a sad smile, no, a pity smile, before standing up, ready to leave.

"You can think whatever you want Y/N. But if you ever think we can be together..." he sighs and looks at her and gave her another pity smile. "If only things were different. In another world, maybe we would have been together.Goodbye Y/N,"

/////

Y/N closes her eyes, tears rolling down both her cheeks, already mixed together with the pouring rain as she walks home. Maybe the rain will wash away her feelings for Taehyung. Her stupid feelings for Taehyung. Different world? Taehyung's world is what she wanted to avoid her whole life. Glitz, glamour, fame, riches... Y/N cries out as loud as her heart wanted, thankful no one can hear her in the heavy rain. Shes just not enough for him. Thats the real reason. And she will never be for Kim Taehyung.

Days passed and Y/N has been locked up in her room ever since that disasterous day. Her parents have given up trying to find out what happen and finally left her alone.

And this week is finally the week Y/N dread the most. All the entertainment news, magazines, gossip websites are buzzing with the announcement that has just been made all week.

Y/N looks at the glossy pictures of the scattered tabloids in front of her again. The intimate pictures getting blurry as her eyes gets wetter. Taehyung's voice replayed in her brain like a broken record.

"An idol, beautiful, talented, shes basically the female version of me. So I'm sorry, but you..." Taehyung stops, trying to find the right word to describe what hes saying. "You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"

With a deep breath, she crumples the pages that reflects the beautiful relationship that is Taehyung and Oraia, wipe her eyes and walked downstairs to where her parents are drinking tea, enjoying their evening in their luxurious lounge.

"Oh Y/N. You are finally out. How are you feeling honey? Want to join us sweetheart?" Her mother looked up from the magazine shes reading and smile, her father the same, offering her a seat besides them.

"N-no. Thanks though. And I feel better," she gave a small smile. "Eomma, appa, I have something to tell you guys," she said, heart beating fast.

"What is it honey?"

"Appa, eomma, I have thought it through. I agree to your proposal. I agree with the arranged marriage to Hyun Dae,"

Her parents looks at each other, surprised.

"Sweetheart, are you sure? You dont have to rush into this. You should take your time and think i-"

"No appa. I am sure this time," she gave a smile, hoping it would convince them. "I want to marry Hyun Dae. I think he and I will make a very happy marriage,"

"W-well.." her eomma looks unsure. "Okay.. then,"

"If you are sure sweetheart. Then we will start setting it up," her appa stood up and hugs her. "Just know that we both love you so much and want nothing but your happiness,"

Y/N nods slowly, tears brimming in her eyes, softly she whispers,

"Me too appa, me too..,"

/////

Tupp. Tupp.

Y/N looks over the sliding door that opens up to her huge balcony. What is that sound? Panicking, she grab the first thing she can reach, a hairbrush, and walk slowly to the glass sliding door.

Tupp. Tupp.

The sound continue. Taking a deep breath she bravely slides open the door.

"Ouchhh," she rubs her head. "What the hell?" She looks around to find what hit her. "A pebble?"

"Oh no, did I hit you?" A voice called out. Y/N looks over the balcony.

"Hyun Dae? What are you doing here? Its 2am!"

"I, uh.. I want to talk to you," he grins.

"Theres this thing call a telephone you know? Or a front door? Havent use one of those?" She glares and Hyun Dae laughs.

"Sorry. I just thought this Romeo and Juliet shit is romantic you know?" He laughs and Y/N rolls her eyes. "Can you come down? Lets take a walk in your garden,"

"Come down from here? Like Rapunzel?!"

Hyun Dae laughs. "Oh my god, how are you so adorable? Of course not! Use the front door silly,"

Y/N giggles. "Okay. Be right there,"

A few minutes later, they were strolling in Y/N's family flower garden, inhaling the fresh night air.

"So? What is it you want to talk about that cant wait until daylight?"

"Well," Hyun Dae stop walking and pull her hand, sitting her down on the stone bench. "I just want to do it properly and formally," he smiles and kneels down in front of her, holding her hand.

Y/N looks at him, both nervous and confused.

"Y/N, you dont know how truly happy, grateful, excited, speechless, ecstatic I am that you agreed to marry me. I have been in love with you since forever," he smiles and blush slightly. "And I know this is just an arranged marriage to you, and you dont love me. But right here, right now, I promise you, that I will make you the happiest girl alive, that I will love you despite everything and anything, and everything you wish for princess, is my command,"

Y/N feels her heart beats faster.

"L/N Y/N, will you marry me and make me the luckiest man ever lived?"

Without a doubt, without a single second of hesitation, she nodded.

"Yes, yes, definitely yes,"

/////

"You look distracted. Whats wrong?" Yoongi glance at Taehyung whos just staring blankly at his mirror as they are changing and cleaning up their makeup.

"Uh... nothing hyung," Taehyung quickly pretends to clean up his things.

"Its not nothing. You have been distracted for a few weeks now. I didnt want to say anything because I thought you would snap out of it but its just getting worse,"

"Its really nothing hyung!" Taehyung snaps and plop down on his chair, sighing. Yoongi shrugs and decide to give him some space. "Err.. hyung?"

"Yeah?"

"Why..uh... why doesnt Y/N come over to our shows anymore?" Taehyung finally open up his mouth to ask. Since that first time they met, she has always been around, cheering for them, right at the front row. But after her confession, he didnt see her anymore. Yeah, he felt bad about what he said and he tried calling, texting, video calling.. but nothing. Shes totally ignoring him. He wanted to meet her at her house, or her work place, until he realized he didnt know where to go. In fact, he didnt know anything about her. All the time they hung out, he only always talk about him. His life, his problems. Him. As if its that interesting. He sighs again.

Yoongi side eyed him.

"Is that what disturbing you? Y/N?"

"N-no. Im just curious,"

"Oh, okay then. Then the answer is, I dont want to tell you," Yoongi picks up his stuff and walk off.

Of course. Of course his hyung knows. Yoongi and Y/N are best friends afterall. Taehyung sighs. Well, maybe he deserves this. But still... he doesnt want to admit it to anybody, even himself, but deep down, he miss her. Really miss her.

/////

"Okay guys, lets go. We need to get ready," Namjoom clap his hands as a way to make his members make their way to the dressing room. Its awards season finally, and they need to get ready for their stage. Taehyung makes his way with his hyung to the back of the stage, wishing for all this to be over soon. He really wants to just rest his head.

As he was putting on the final touches he turns to the door and saw Y/N standing there, all dressed in a beautiful gown, fit for an award show. His first thought is, wow, and the second is that his eyes are playing tricks on him. But as Y/N makes her way inside and hugs Yoongi, he knows this is reality. Taehyung smiles. He cant help it. Did Yoongi told her about what he said a few days back and now shes here to see him?

Taehyung walks over the moment he gets the chance to get her alone.

"Hey," Taehyung smiles.

"Um.. hey," Y/N smiles awkwardly.

"So, why are you here? You miss me or something? Or are you stalking me?" He laughs.

"No, I'm actually h-"

"Hey baby, there you are. The crew said you went in first," A handsome guy, and obviously a chaebol makes his way to them, giving Y/N a kiss on the cheek and hugging her waist.

"Hi babe," she smiles. "Yeah, I went in to see Yoongi. Its time you meet my mysterious bestie,"

Taehyung was silenced, eyeing the man up and down. Baby? Cheek kissing? Waist hugging? Who is this guy?

"Oh is this Yoongi?" He smiles and held out a hand. Taehyung took it reluctantly.

"Oh no no. This is Kim Taehyung. Hes uh... Yoongi's band member,"

Yoongi's band member? Thats all he is??

"Oh okay. Hi, I'm Hyun Dae," he smiles and shakes Taehyung's hand before hugging Y/N's waist again. Taehyung felt like pulling off his arm, and he dont know why he felt that way.

"Lets go meet Yoongi," Y/N smiles and bows to him and move over to Yoongi, leaving Taehyung still staring at them. Once Yoongi and Hyun Dae are caught up in a conversation, Taehyung immediatly grab Y/N by the elbow and drag her to the side.

"Ouchh. What the hell Tae?!"

"Are you seriously this petty?" Taehyung scoffs.

"Petty?? What are you even talking about?"

"Fine, I rejected you. So now you are bringing this... this... stuck up someone here for what? To show me that you have moved on? To make me jealous?" Taehyung scoffs again. "As if,"

"What?!" Y/N looks at him in disbelief. "God Taehyung, you are so full of yourself! Hes not stuck up! And I'm not here for you!"

"Yeah right," Taehyung smile sarcastically. "So, hyung told you I asked and the next show you brought a man over? Please Y/N, have some pride,"

"What are you even talking about? Yoongs never talked about you. At all! Im here becaus-"

"Oh Taehyung, you have already met," his manager interrupted the conversation and bows to Y/N as Hyun Dae join her side. "Okay guys, gather round. I think all of you must already know about The Empire. As you know, their company owns and organized all show events in Korea and is one of the biggest in the music industry, among others. The president cant make it, so his daughter is here instead. And she and her fiancee just wants to meet all the artists her tonight to express their gratitude,"

Y/N and Hyun Dae bows and smiles to everyone as Taehyung stands frozen in place, the only thing he can hear is 'fiance'. Y/N is... engaged?

And... shes an heir?

"You and me Y/N... we are just worlds apart,"

Yeah, they are worlds apart. He was right. But the truth is, Taehyung is the one whos way beneath her.

/////

"Lets go, lets go peopleeee," Namjoon clapped his hands a sign for them to get moving. Taehyung and the rest of the members climbed up their black van, still yawning from having to wake up early in the morning. They are off to another country for a month for their variety show shoot. A special content, the management said. Something to do with their new sponsors. Taehyung never really pay attention to all the boring details, all he knows is, he will do what he is asked to do, no question asked.

But as they land and making their way out from their private plane, Taehyung, still half asleep, need to take a double take when he saw Y/N and her fiance at the arrivals, standing atound with the crew, their luggage all around them.

"H-hyung?" He nervously tapped Yoongi's shoulder.

"What?" Yoongi grumbled, still cranky from being awaken from his beauty sleep on the plane.

"Are my eyes playing tricks on me or is that uh... Y/N?" Taehyung really wished he has gone crazy. Thats he is seeing things. That Yoongi will look at him funny and tell him theres no Y/N. And Yoongi did look at him funny, but his answer is totally not what hes expecting.

"Dont you know? Her father's company is our new sponsor for the show and they are here to monitor the shoot,"

Taehyung stopped in his tracks. He dont know why the news startled him. It shouldnt be affecting him at all. Right? Even he dont understand what he is feeling as he looked over to Y/N and Hyun Dae smiling at each other. Anger? Sadness? Happy? He cant be sure. But one thing he knows for sure, its going to be one hell of a month.

/////

"So... you arent going to tell me that you are engaged?" Taehyung jogged lightly, to catch up with Y/N whom he saw is taking a morning walk from his hotel roon window. They have free schedule for the first day and what luck, the first thing he saw this morning is Y/N, alone. Without that stupid chaebol.

"Oh, uh hi Taehyung," Y/N, startled at his presence, give a small smile and a polite bow.

"Hi Y/N," he smile. Honestly, he missed her. Well, they were pretty close before. As friends. Yes, of course as friends and nothing more! Taehyung reminded himself. "But seriously, you are never going to tell me you are engaged?"

"Do I have to?" Y/N raised an eyebrow. "I mean, I'm not even sure if I'm your friend or yoongis friend or whatever, you know? And I dont think you be interested to know anyway," she picked up her pace but Taehyung managed to catch up.

"What do you mean?! Of course I wanna know! And of course we are friends! And you didnt think to tell me that you father own half of Korea's music industry?" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well, you never ask. And I'm not one to go around telling people my family history Tae," she shrugged. "Afterall, why would a worldstar want to know about someone who is from a different world than him, right?"

Okay, he deserved that.

"Okay, Y/N, look," he pull her hand, stopping her from walking. "I am sorry about what I said that day. I dont know what I was thinking. I was startled by your confession. To be honest, the months I spent without seeing you at all, well... I missed you. I miss you, okay?"

Y/N sighed. Why is he doing this to her? Her heart is still recovering. Still trying to erased every love she felt for him.

"We are going to spend a whole month working together. Stuck in a small island. Why dont we be friends again? Hmm?" He made his famous puppy eyes, blinking his eyes rapidly, lips pouting. "Pleaaaase? Taetae is sorrryy,"

Y/N tried to keep a sttaight face but burst out laughing. She can never say no to that face.

"Fine Tae. You know I cant resist that stupid face," she laughs.

"So, friends?" Taehyung held out a hand and Y/N shakes it.

"Of course, friends,"

As he shakes her hand, smiling ear to ear, Taehyung realized, he had never felt this happy, and it scared him.

/////

They might have rekindled their friendship, but Taehyung couldnt get even 10 minutes alone with her without being disturbed by Yoongi or Hyun Dae, and its pissing him off. Worse, he have to watch all the romantic moments between the two love birds, and trust him, Hyun Dae is really not afraid to show his affection, its making him wants to throw up.

Suprising Y/N with flowers on set, setting up a special candle light dinner when the whole crew is eating, suddenly gets on stage in the middle of dinner and sing her a song. And that motherfucker can even play a guitar and he look damn good playing it too. Taehyung swore all the girls there are swooning over him. But what he hates most is all the admiring whispers.

"Y/N is so lucky"

"Hyun Dae is the perfect guy"

"I wish I was Y/N"

Urghhh. Annoying.

It also doesnt help that his relationship with Oraia has gone stale. Yeah, they text everyday, call each other every night. But nothing she says interest him. Taehyung mostly tune out whatever shes saying during their phone calls, eyes focusing on what Y/N is doing. The way she laughs when she talks to someone, her clusmy ways of doing things, her passion while working. All that is more interesting to him than his own girlfriend. His supppsedly perfect, beautiful, girlfriend.

It must be the island. He hasnt seen Oraia for almost a month now, and hes stuck here for all that time. Of course it will put a strain on his relationship. Yes, that must be it.

But as his heart bubbles with jealousy as he watches Y/N and Hyun Dae running around the beach, Hyun Dae catching Y/N by the waist and lift her up to kiss her, Taehyung knows for sure, that it is definitely not it.

/////

Taehyung tossed and turned for hours and after eventually still failing to fall asleep, he decide to take a walk by the beach. The moon is out and the breeze is welcoming. Its a good night to walk and collect his thoughts.

As he walked slowly along the beach, the cool air blowing his hair, he saw a figure sitting alone by the beach, eyes closed, enjoying the midnight breeze. Taehyung immediately smile.

Y/N.

"Hey," he approached her slowly and smile.

"Oh, Tae. Hi," she smiled back. "What are you doing here at this hour?"

"I cant sleep. What about you? Isnt it dangerous for a pretty girl to be alone so late at night?" He smile.

Y/N laughs.

"Its a private island Tae. I think its kinda safe. And you know I usually cant sleep and the sound of the ocean calms me down,"

Taehyung does know that. Back to the days when they use to spend so much time together, they always sit by the beach and talked. Well, usually, he will be the one who do the talking, because all he cares about is himself. And his problems. And Y/N always listen. To all his weird ramblings, his peculiar thoughts that people usually laugh at. Even Oraia sometimes makes fun of him. But Y/N listen to them all. Understand him even. Why didnt he realized that before?

"Well... can I join you?"

"Of course. Have a seat," she patted down the spot besides her and Taehyung makes himself comfortable. They talked and talked, laughter filled up the night air and Taehyung cant seem to care about anything else other than that moment.

"Oh god, my tummy is hurting from laughing so much," Y/N said, still giggling from what Taehyung said. "I forgot how funny and weird you are Taetaeee,"

Taehyung smile and looked at her, staring deeply at her laughing face.

"Its nice,"

"What is?" Y/N who has stopped laughing, asked him, confused.

"Hearing you call me Taetae again," he smile, making Y/N blushed.

"W-well, that is your name,"

"Yeah, yeah. It is," Taehyung smile, still staring at her. "Y/N? Are you happy?"

"Right now? Yeah I am. We have been laughing for hours Tae. Of course Im happy. Whats wrong with you?" Y/N giggles, trying to toned down the awkwardness shes starting to feel.

"No. I mean, are you happy? Like really happy? With Hyun Dae? Does he makes you happy?"

"H-hyun Dae?" Y/N was taken aback from the sudden question. "Uhh, of course I am, hes my fiance, of course he makes me happy Tae,"

"Really? Then why did you stutter?" Taehyung still looks at her, straight into her eyes with his sharp gaze.

"I- I did not stutter! Whats wrong with you Tae? You are being weird. But not normal weird," Y/N starts to dust off the sand off her, preparing to get up. "Its getting late. We should go in,"

Taehyung grab her hands, standing up with her.

"Do you love him? Do you love Hyun Dae?"

"Why are you asking me that Tae? You are being weird!" Y/N tries to shake off his grip but he held on tighter.

"Answer the question Y/N. Do you love him?"

"Hyun Dae is amazing! He cares for me. He loves me. He knows what I like, sweet, romantic, p-"

"But do you love him?"

"I-I," Y/N stuttered. "I dont need to answer that!" Y/N tries to pull her hand again but to no avail.

"You cant answer it because you dont love him. And you cant lie to me," Taehyung smile.

"You are crazy. Let my hand go Tae," Y/N insisted. "It has nothing to do with you!"

"But it does Y/N. It does, because you dont love him. Because you love me," Taehyung state matter of factly. "You always did and you always will Y/N,"

Y/N was speechless, shocked, surprised, that Taehyung would bring it up again. Tears starts to sting her eyes. She has never felt more hummiliated. Is Taehyung making fun of her? Of her feelings? She thought they were friends again. Why is he doing this to her?

"Just let me go!"

"I cant, and I wont,"

"Why?!" Y/N is crying now. She dont understand why Taehyung is being this way. "To hummiliate me even more? To make fun of my feelings for you?"

"What? No!" Taehyung cant believe Y/N would think of him to be that cruel. But maybe he deserved it. "Because I love you Y/N!" Taehyung pull her hands, making her fall into his arms and he immediately cup her face and captured her lips with hers. The kiss has never felt more electricfying. Taehyung felt goosebump all over his body, he hears fireworks went off everywhere. And right at that moment, he knows that hes in love.

But the moment only last for a split second when Y/N, tears already spilled down her cheeks pushed him away hard and slapped him across the face.

"Get away from me Kim Taehyung!"

Was the last word she screamed out before she ran away into the darkness.

/////

Taehyung almost went crazy trying to finish the rest of the shooting. After that fateful night, Y/N took the earliest flight home the next morning, leaving Taehyung with no way to contact her at all. No reply to his texts or his calls and he cant even get away from his stupid schedule to find her at home. He was lost.

Its the very first time in his life that he has seen things so clearly. He is in love with Y/N. And she left him being so lost.

It also doesnt help that after Taehyung told Oraia that he wants to break up, his crazy ex girlfriend bombared his calls, his texts, his friends, even his manager with texts begging to take her back. She even went so far as to include the media, giving sad interviews, crying her eyes out. Taehyung wondered how he didnt notice how crazy Oraia is. Maybe its true what they said, love is blind. But what they had isnt love. It never was. They both know they got together just because they seemed to look perfect for each other. Thats not love, and Oraia is just mad that shes no longer one half of the industry perfect couple.

/////

"Hey Tae?" Yoongi knocks on his hotel room, peeking his head. Theres still a week left of shooting, but Taehyung's heart is no where in it. All he wanted to do is to go back home, find Y/N and begged for her forgiveness until she takes her back. Hes going to convince her that he loves her. He really do. And not because he pity her, or because hes jealous of her relationship with Hyun Dae, but because he just realized it now. That from that moment he asked her where the bathroom is, hes already in love. Y/N has already caught his eyes, and heart from that first night at the concert, but he is too busy chasing his fame and title to realized it.

And now it might be too late.

Taehyung might have already lost the love of his life, forever.

"Yeah hyung?" Yoongi make his way in and sit on Taehyung's bed.

"Did something happen between you and Y/N? Did she going back home early has anything to do with you?"

Taehyung looked at his hyung with tired eyes. No longer bother to pretend or curious why his hyung us asking.

I told her I love her...." Taehyung said, tears stinging his eyes at the memory. "And she thinks I'm just playing her,"

Yoongi sighed.

"Are you?"

Taehyung sits up and hugs a pillow, looking at Yoongi with teary eyes.

"No hyung. Of course not. I really do love her. I love her so much. Im just too stupid to realized it then," he sniffles. "And now, I have to wait until this stupid shoot is over to win her back hyung, because shes not answering my calls or my texts. And I swear hyung, I will do everything to win her back from that Hyun Dae,"

Yoongi sighs again, looking away before looking back at the younger man.

"Tae... Y/N is getting married today. She suddenly said she wants to get married as soon as possible, doesnt matter if its a small wedding. She just wants to get married. Today,"

Taehyung looked at his hyung, eyes widen, not believing what hes hearing.

"I-I have to go hyung," he suddenly gets up.

"Go where Tae? What are you doing?"

Taehyung grabs his bag, not thinking anymore.

"To stop the wedding hyung, to win back the love of my life,"

/////

Y/N looks at her reflection in the mirror. Even with last minute preparations, her mother managed to do everything perfectly. Her dress, her makeup, her hair, her flowers, even her dressing room is perfect. Y/N smile to her reflection. But she knows its only superficial. Its a smile she puts on to convince everyone, to convince herself, that shes making the right decision. The right choice.

That shes happy.

And she know Hyun Dae will make her happy.

He have to.

"Dont marry him,"

Y/N turns around to find Kim Taehyung by the door. His hair a mess, shirt crumpled, eyes bloodshot from crying.

"T-Tae..."

"Dont marry him Y/N," he move closer to her. "Dont do it. Please. Please Y/N,"

"Taehyung, what are you doing here?" Y/N feel tears prickling her eyes. Why is he here. Why now? Why today?

"To tell you I love you Y/N," Taehyung sniffles and take her hand. "T-to tell you to not marry him. Dont marry him Y/N,"

"I-I cant Tae," Y/N shakes her head. "Hyun Dae deserves all the happiness in the world. He treats me so good Tae,"

"Then what about you? You deserve happiness too. Happiness with me Y/N,"

Y/N close her eyes and shakes her head. Why is Taehyung telling her all the things shes dying to hear before? But its all too late now. Too late.

"Marry me Y/N. Marry me. And I'll make you the happiest woman in the world. Marry me," Taehyung sobs and kneel down on his knees, begging, hand still holding hers.

Y/N starts to shake, trying to hold in her tears but it rolled out anyway, flooding her face.

"D-dont do this to me Tae. You dont love me. You dont. You dont!"

"I love you Y/N. I love you I love you I love you! I know I realized it too late. And thats my mistake. But I swear to you, that I'll spend forever making it up to you," Taehyung begs desperately. He cant lose her. He cant! "Please. Please, dont marry him Y/N. Please..."

Y/N closes her eyes. Tears rolling down her face, no intention of stopping. She wanted to say yes. God, how she wanted to say yes. How easy it would be. To be with the man he love. The man he had dreamed of. But she cant. Its not fair to Hyun Dae. And its not fair to her. To her heart that Taehyung has broken to pieces.

"Im sorry Taehyung... I cant," Y/N let go of his hand, tears dropping on the floor, wetting her beautiful white dress.

Taehyung felt like his whole world shattered to pieces. Thats it. Just two words. "I cant" and he lost her. He lost the love of his life.

After felt like an eternity, he stood up, face still wet with tears but a smile on his face.

"You look beautiful Y/N," he smile. "You always do.

Y/N sobs hard, her whole body shakes.

"Be happy Y/N. Hes an idiot if he dont take care of you. If he hurt you like I do. Hes an absolute idiot," Taehyung smile and carressed her face softly. "Be happy my princess. And when the time comes, come back to me. I'll always be waiting Y/N, because you are my true love, and we will always find our way back to each other,"

Taehyung placed a long, deep kiss on her forehead, eyes closed as tears flows down, knowing he has lost the love of his life, trying to savor the feel of her in his memories.

"I love you Y/N. And I'll wait for you, forever," he smile one last time as he turns around and walk away, leaving Y/N drenched in her tears.

/////

5 YEARS LATER

"Woohoooo, last concert for this tour guys, good job!" The members high five each other as they make their way into the dressing room backstage. Taehyung laughs and make his way into his own personal room, exhausted from a show well done.

"Hi, do you know where the bathroom is?"

Taehyung stopped in his track at the sound of the voice. A voice so familiar. A voice that haunts his dream for years. A voice that he never forgets.

He looks up, and there she is. Smiling at him.

"Y-Y/N?"

Y/N nods, giggling.

"Y/N?!" Taehyung runs to her and engulf her in a hug. "I am not dreaming am I? A-are you really here?"

Y/N giggles again.

"Its me Tae. Real life me. Im real,"

"W-why? H-how?"

"Well, if Im not mistaken, 5 years ago, someone told me that we will always find our way back to each other. And that he will wait for me, forever. Im just checking if he still keeps his promise," Y/N grins.

Taehyung hugs her tight.

"You dont know how I dream of this day every single day Y/N. How I waited to see you again. To feel you again. To hear your voice again," Taehyung hugs her, not letting go.

"Ive come back Taehyung. Ive come back to you,"

Taehyung cant believe this is happening. Then he remembered something. And although its something hes dreading to ask, he knows he has to know.

"H-Hyun Dae?"

Y/N smile at his nervous state. She has never seen someone so adorable. God, shes just so in love with him.

"We were never married Tae. When you came that day... everything changed. I didnt marry him. I couldnt. Not when I know my heart belongs to you. And Hyun Dae... he knows it too. And he loves me enough to let me find my own happiness,"

"W-what?"

"Im sorry it took so long. But I need to find myself. To really understand my feelings, your feelings... but Im here now, Taehyung... if you still want me..."

Taehyung grins.

"Is that even a question my love?"

Y/N giggles at the way he calls her.

"I love you Y/N. Since that first night we met. I have been yours. Im sorry for hurting you. Im sorry for my mistakes. Im sorry fo-"

"Shhhh," she puts a finger on his lips. "It doesnt matter anymore Tae. All of it doesnt matter anymore," she smile. "Im here now. You are here now. And I, I love you Kim Taehyung,"

Taehyung grins. Such word has never felt so sweet. He felt happiness bubbling inside his chest. And in the first time in 5 years, he really mean it.

"I love you Y/N, my love, my soulmate,"

"I love you Taehyung. You really had me at bathroom," she giggles.

"Oh shut up," Taehyung laughs and lifts her up, wrapping her legs around him. "Just shut up and kiss me. Just kiss me baby,"

And she really did.

#bts #bangtan boys #bangtan seonyeondan #bts fiction #bts fanfic #kim taehyung #bts v #taehyung scenario #taehyung angst #taehyung fiction #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop scenario #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst

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sunbleachedkeery · 4 years

Note

hiii! could you possibly write some angst for kuroo where his short haired fem s/o overhears him saying he only likes long hair?? tyyy

as a fellow kuroo simp and short haired fem person jfc this hURTED but yes anon i can <33 this also came out longer than i wanted it to be but yknow what im not mad at it i havent written angst in a HOT MIN

Kuroo likes long hair w/ a short haired s/o headcanons

warnings: angst lol im sorry, kinda fluffy at the end tho

words: 1.1k

It all started innocently enough. Kuroo forgot his sweatshirt at your house and instead of stealing it, for once you went to go return it to him. He mentioned going to the court to have a quick practice session with Kenma before their game tomorrow, so you took it upon yourself to go. Plus, it you thought it would be a nice surprise to wish him luck before his game.

You arrive at the court and the door was unlocked so you let yourself in.Kuroo and Kenma are taking a water break, Kenma getting a quick round of what sounds like a fighting game in before he has to start up again. Kuroo watches over his shoulder, just as invested in the game as Kenma is.You walk closer, trying not to disturb them. As you step towards the two, their conversation becomes deafeningly loud to your ears.

“Man, the girl you’re playing against is gorgeous. I mean, I know she’s just a video game character, but she practically looks perfect.” Kuroo’s familiar voice echoes in the gymnasium. You stop in your tracks, far enough to go unnoticed but close enough to still hear. Kenma utters an “mhm’ before your boyfriend continues. “Everything about her is pretty, and her hair is just, ugh. It’s so pretty and long. Well, long hair in general is pretty. It could either make or break someone’s appearance, and long hair on girls just looks better. Y’know?” Kuroo takes a sip from his water bottle.

The victory sound effects from Kenma’s game only caused your heart to break further as your boyfriend’s harsh words sink into your mind, repeating over and over. A hand comes up to touch your shorter hair, tears blurring your vision as you drop Kuroo’s sweatshirt onto the ground. Was that true? Kenma finally speaks. “I don’t really care but I-” he looks up to see you, frozen in place. “I, uh- Kuroo...”

Kuroo stops drinking to follow Kenma’s gaze to you. Your eyes meet his, and your feet move faster than your mind does. Your need to get out of that gym, away from Kuroo, was greater than anything else you felt.

“Y/N!” You can hear Kuroo calling after you as you leave the court behind, but you don’t stop running. You can’t even see where you’re going with the flow of your tears never ending and blinding.

When you finally stop, you don’t even know where you are. All you can do is sink down into the grass behind the large brick building and cry. Did your boyfriend really think that? Did he not like your hair, your appearance? Did he think you were ugly? The negativity in your mind was overwhelming, and it felt like there was a rock sitting on your chest.

Kuroo finally catches up to you, out of breath and distraught. He would never want to see you cry, let alone make you cry. He sinks down next to you and places a hand on yours, lying on the grass. When you move it out of the way, he realizes the weight of his words and the effect it had on you.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. What I said was stupid and I shouldn’t have even thought it in the first place. I didn’t even know you were comi-” You cut him off.

“Did you mean it? A-am I really that unappealing to you?” You hiccuped, out of breath from both running and crying. You don’t look up at him, your gaze fixed on the grass. You didn’t want to face him, if he really didn’t like how you looked.

“No, and it was stupid of me to even say or think. I just...” He paused and took in a deep breath. “Hey, look at me, kitten.” The nickname you once cherished felt wrong coming from him, it made your skin crawl. Your eyes remained fixated on the ground.

Kuroo’s arm reached over to your face, gently pulling your face to look at his. Your puffy eyes and tears running down your cheeks shattered his heart, incredulous to the fact that he did this to you. He made you upset like this. He made you cry like this. “Y/N, you are so beautiful it’s unreal. I love you so much, and I wouldn’t ever want you to change because of something dumb that I said.” His voice cracks, his emotions getting the best of him.

“A-and, your hair really suits you, and no one can pull it off like you do. I’ll apologize a million times if that’s what it takes to make you feel better, kitten. I don’t ever wanna be the reason you cry, never again. Okay?” You finally got a good look into his hazel eyes, tears starting to well up into them. He was as hurt as you were, and he was just as mad at himself, if not more.

Wordlessly, you pulled him into a hug. Automatically, Kuroo’s long arms wrap around your body, clutching you to him as tightly as he could. He’d make sure that he wouldn’t make you feel unappreciated or alone again. You both lost track of time, just sitting there in each other’s embrace as if you would never see each other again.

Your voice, barely a whisper, finally broke the silence between you two. “If you ever say anything like that again, I’ll have your head on a stick.” You croaked out, with a little exhale of laughter at the end. Kuroo lets out a watery laugh. “If you can reach.” Your exhale of laughter became a chuckle, and soon escalated into loud, boisterous laughter, Kuroo following suit with his signature cackle.

As your laughter dies down, your boyfriend finally stands up. He reaches for your hand to help pull you up. “C’mon, let’s go. I think you left something in the gym.” You take his calloused hand in yours and he pulls you up from the grass. “Yeah, it’s yours. You left your sweatshirt at my house and I wanted to give it back.” You looked up at him, a small smile forming on your face. “Also maybe wish you luck on tomorrow’s game.” you added.

Kuroo smiled down at you before giving you a kiss on the forehead. “Thank you, kitten, that’s sweet of you. Maybe you can give me a good luck kiss? I don’t think I’ll make it through tomorrow’s game without it.” You rolled your eyes at him. “Don’t push it. If I’m feeling so generous, I’ll give you one before I leave”

You definitely followed up on your promise before leaving Kenma and Kuroo to finish their practice.

#kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu!!#kuroo tetsuro fanfiction #kuroo angst #kuroo tetsuro angst #kuroo tetsuro fluff #kuroo fluff #kuroo fic

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honeymoonjin · 5 years

Text

Chapter Eleven

Summary: When you hear that your recently deceased grandmother left you her property in her will, at first you think that a dinky old cottage in the middle of nowhere isn’t going to mean much for you. But after spending a night there, you discover something far more valuable than the house itself: a hidden door that leads to another time, the same place but over 200 years in the past. In the late 18th Century, there is a king who will die before his 21st birthday unless you can save him. Will you help him, even if it means leaving your own life behind?

A/N: This chapter is a little different, it’s in Yoongi’s point of view. I was going to make it Chapter 10.5 since it kind of occurs alongside Chapter 10 chronologically, but I didn’t want anyone thinking it wasn’t necessary to the plot, because it definitely is. Let me know what you think!

"Can't you just let me go with you, hyung? I'll be good!"

This kid. Yoongi shakes his head firmly, hurriedly grinding some herbs together for a last-minute clarity charm. "You mess up enough here as it is. I can't leave something like this up to you. Besides, Y/n specifically asked for me to go, didn't she?"

The shaman tries to ignore the way Taehyung fixes his puppy dog eyes on his elder. "But what will I do when you're gone? I'll be all bored and alone."

Tipping the ground herbs into a small vial, Yoongi's voice is flat as he makes sure the vaguely green dust makes its way into the vessel. "Then go back to the palace and keep Y/n company. Make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. Alright, I need to leave. Be sure to leave the portal door open, but lock the front door with the hex charm; do you remember it?"

Taehyung seems affronted at the suggestion. "Of course I can do a hex charm, Yoongi. I'm not incompetent, you know..."

Yoongi straightens up and stares at the boy who's pouting in the kitchen. Feeling a sliver of guilt, he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Listen," Yoongi says, voice gruff but apologetic, "I'm just making sure. I'm trying to keep you safe."

"Forget about it," Taehyung mutters under his breath, studiously ignoring his elder as he grabs an apple for the road and shrugs on a coat. "I'm going, like you wanted."

Yoongi winces when the heavy wooden door slams behind his assistant, and he stands in silence, listening to the the light scrape of Taehyung’s fingernail against the door, paired with the muttering of an ancient Chinese spell. Most of the magic Yoongi used nowadays were more modern Korean methods, but for the more basic enchantments, it was common to use the original spells.

Finally, all was quiet again. Yoongi cleared his throat to try and break the melancholic gloom he had slipped into, and double-checked the minimal belongings on his person before he left. He was not going to be in the modern world long, would not even have to leave the confines of the house itself, but Yoongi never went anywhere without a small leather pouch of basic ingredients tucked into his belt, the glass vial of a clarity charm dangling on a cord around his neck, and a small blade in his boot. All things proceeding as planned, he wouldn’t need them.

The first thing Min Yoongi noticed about the future was how clean and bright everything was. Gone were his heavy curtains, dark walls and sooty hearth. He emerged out into a hallway (something only palaces were large enough to have in his time, but he was familiar with them nonetheless) with a strange spongy fabric floor and impossibly straight, flat walls that appeared painted uniformly. He couldn’t imagine the finesse it would take a painter to manage to evenly coat this expansive surface without leaving streaks. Perhaps magic was more commonplace in this day.

Yoongi had been here once before, to lure Y/n back to his time, but he had transformed into a cat, then, and it was the middle of the night, rather than the break of day. Unsure which direction to go, he followed the hallway left, until he made it to the very end. “She said the communication device was in her sleeping quarters. Here, she wrote down some instructions for its use.” Yoongi felt for the note again in his pocket, comforted by the crisp edge of the thick paper. He had read that note to the point of rote-memory, but was glad it was there anyway. All Yoongi had to do was locate a bedroom, and then the ‘phone’ would be on a wooden stand beside it. He was actually feeling some excitement unfurl within him to find this device; from Y/n’s description, it sounded like a very complexly enchanted item.

As Yoongi made his way from room to room methodically, ignoring everything that wasn’t a bed (even though he was desperately curious to try out the bath – something he recognised from his time, but seemed far more refined) he thought over his previous encounter with Taehyung.

Was there really such a need for Taehyung to take everything to heart all the time? That boy was too sensitive for his own good. It would get him hurt one day.

When Taehyung and Yoongi met, almost three years ago, the shaman wasn’t looking for anyone. In fact, he had sworn off ever taking an assistant again after… what had happened with the last one, but Taehyung was insistent. His parents didn’t want him working on their farm anymore, he had said, and the King’s Guard wouldn’t take him in. He would have nowhere else to go. Perhaps Yoongi should’ve seen that as a sign that the boy wasn’t a particularly capable worker, but instead he had opened his arms and welcomed him in. He never had been able to say no to a pretty face. Yoongi thought maybe that was his biggest flaw yet.

Behind the fourth or fifth door, past the small door in the wall from whence he came, Yoongi found a bed, wider and more lushly decorated than the modest shelf-and-blanket combination he had. Letting out a gasp of relief at the chance to distract himself from the memories of his assistants, he rushed forward into the room, scanning it for a wooden stand.

Directly to the right of the bed is a short, squarish cabinet. On top is a small metal box with glowing red numbers, a very glossy and crisp book, and a small black device. Yoongi consults with the slip of paper, and tentatively touches the tip of his finger to a protruding button. Gasping with wonder as the surface lights up, Yoongi realizes there are words on the screen, all gathered in small boxes. He takes the time to read some of them, having to re-press that button as the screen keeps going dark after a few moments.

Jimin, 8:21pm: r you still busy at the house? can u please just text me back baby, if ur busy thats okay, im just a little worried out u, thats all… it’s getting late…

Jimin, 10:49am: okay, im heading off to work, flick me a text when u get this xxx

Jimin, yesterday 5:11pm: we dont have to if you don’t want to

Jimin, yesterday 4:28pm: date night tonight? xxx i feel like i havent seen you in ages baby xxx

There are more, but they disappear out the bottom. Yoongi frowns. He thinks he remembers this Jimin; if memory serves, it was the sleeping male curling up to Y/n when he briefly visited her dreamscape. Yoongi had been so caught up in making sure she fulfilled her end of the deal that he had almost forgotten she had a life outside of their time. Those messages were a sobering reminder of how much Yoongi was asking from her. How much she was giving up. He didn’t like that feeling.

Clearing his throat noisily in the early evening silence, he picks up the device delicately and places it on the bed, flattening out the note beside it. Y/n’s instructions make sense as he follows along, although it takes him a while to work out what she means by ‘text bubble icon��.

Once he reaches that screen, and clicks on the name ‘Jimin’, those same messages appear, but in a different format. “I’ve already seen these,” he tells the device. The device does not respond. “I seek to create one of my own.” He sighs. The magic on this glass apparently cannot react to voice, only touch. He reaches out and clicks on the small white box that says ‘iMessage’ in grey. “Yes, I do want to message,” he mumbles distractedly. A large array of small letters appears below. Y/n wrote down to tap each square to write the letter. It seems an awfully impersonal way of writing, and it takes Yoongi quite a long time to tap out what Y/n has asked him to write, as well as pressing a small blue arrow to the right, which pushes the message upwards, resting directly below those from the Jimin.

omg im so sorry i missed these jiminie ㅠ ㅠ i hope ur not too worried.

im ok, just not been feeling great so ive been sleeping a lot! im not sure yet if its contagious so pls dont come out, i know uve got that show coming up and i dont want u to get sick ok!

love you lots baby!

Yoongi sighs once he finishes, resting back on the bed, but soon three bouncing dots appear in a box. He watches them dance, fascinated, wondering what this could mean, until they change into words. Y/n did tell him that Jimin would be likely to reply and had simply written on the bottom of the note, ‘no apostrophes, or capital letters, call him baby or jiminie, and make sure he doesn’t come out to the house!’

Jimin: omg thank god ur safe i was worried!!! i can bring u round some fresh soup and we can have a night in xxx ive already had my flu jab so i wont get sick i promise lol xx

Yoongi swears, trying to speed up his reply, double-checking Y/n’s rules as he goes.

thank you, baby, thats very kind of you. but please dont come out, im just going to go to sleep and hope that this sickness passes in time. i will notify you once

But before he can finish crudely dictating a message, a series of three hard raps echoes through the house. Yoongi stands up ramrod stiff. Surely the Jimin boy hadn’t arrived so soon? Although, Yoongi supposes transport must be more efficient in this time. He bites his lip nervously. Surely, it would be best to go ask him to leave. It was Y/n’s intention that Jimin did not come to the house, since she herself was absent, and Yoongi could not have the boy roaming around and discovering the portal’s entrance.

“Y/n?” a deep voice calls out, muffled through the walls. Yoongi swears under his breath and pockets the small device and the note, getting off the bed to go find the front door. “Are you there?” Hurrying faster, the shaman eventually locates a door with a clouded glass panel revealing a tall shadow. He fumbles with the doorknob, having to twist a key (thank God that technology hasn’t changed) to unlock it, and throws it open with a nervous huff. The man blinks once, furrowing his eyebrows. “Uh…hi?”

“Yes, hello,” Yoongi blurts out hastily, eyes roaming over the tall man. Although he saw Jimin in very dim lighting, it’s easy to tell that this is not the same man. “Who are you?”

The man is wearing rough-looking blue pants with a belt, and a tunic that’s cut at his hips instead of his legs. He holds a hand out to Yoongi. Yoongi stares at it until the man coughs and lowers it. “My name’s Namjoon. I didn’t mean to interrupt, I’m just here to speak to Y/n.”

“What-” Yoongi’s words catch in his throat when he lifts his gaze from the man’s odd attire to his face. It can’t be. A bolt of deeply-repressed hurt cuts through him. He recognizes those dimples, that smile, even the name is the same as his. It was a face he never thought he’d see again. But, no. It isn’t him. The more Yoongi looks at him closely, the man going a little red in the cheeks under the sudden scrutiny, Yoongi can see the finer details aren’t right. His Namjoon had a narrow nose, more delicate face. His Namjoon wasn’t as tall and was skinnier too. This man in front of him bore shocking resemblance, but it wasn’t him. It wasn’t his Namjoon. Sensing he had been silent too long, Yoongi blinks away the tears that threaten to well. “What for?”

“Oh, uh, it’s kind of private business, dude. Sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”

“Y/n’s sick,” Yoongi says instead, “so I’m afraid you can’t come in. I’m more than happy to pass on a message.”

The man who looks so much like his former assistant furrows his brows. “I’m sorry, who are you? I’d like to speak with her. I’ve been doing some more research for her, you see, really cool stuff on-”

“I’m her doctor,” Yoongi says instead, “I’m concerned she may be contagious, so I’ve advised her not to have guests. If you have the research with you, perhaps I can bring it inside. I’m sure she’d appreciate you coming.”

The guy laughs awkwardly, then digs into a bag at his side for a stack of pieces of paper bound in some floppy, slippery pink material. “I didn’t have time to pick up a ringbinder, so the photocopies are loose, but I managed to dig up quite a bit of the history on the Jeon reign, as well as all the following generations. It’s interesting! Hopefully she’ll get some use out of it.” The man hands the research over, craning his neck to try and glance down the hallway. “Can you tell her hi for me? And that I’m sorry for stopping by without texting ahead.”

Yoongi nods, half in a daze. He doesn’t know this strange feeling in his chest; does he want this Namjoon-not-Namjoon man to leave and never think about him again, or does he wish he would stay so that Yoongi can see just how much similarity there was? The thought comes too late, as the man turns and skips down the gravel path, getting into his car and pulling away without a second look back.

The shaman shuts the door, returning the key to its previous position, and sinks down on the floor. First Taehyung acting up, reminding him of his last assistant, and now this. The fates were being cruel today.

Forgetting about the small device still in his herbs pouch, Yoongi quickly returns to the hallway and crawls through the doorway and back into his own time, trying to ignore the hot tears that gather under his chin.

TAGLIST Message me or send an ask to be added to the taglist for Sovereign, and never miss a new chapter!

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avpdpunpun · 5 years

Text

i disappeared for 3/4ths a year here’s an update?

its been 4 months since my queue ran out and way longer since i wrote an actual post. 8 months about? i think i last posted when i impulse quit a job that was bad for my mental health and just kept getting worse.

sometimes i wonder when ppl who blog about mental illness disappear if they’ve died. there was a big user i used to follow who did, and i still occasionally think about it sometimes, so i figure its nice to post updates sometimes. and being able to look back on posts ive written and reflect on them/what state of mind i was in can be helpful even if it can be embarrassing/dangerous because its so easy to fall back into those thinking habits

after quitting my job i did basically nothing for 6 months haha. at some point i managed to clean out my room which i had done the bare minimum on for years because of depression, took out more built up trash than i thought was possible to fit into my small space. its disgusting but the only thing i struggle to keep up with now at least is vacuuming and putting clothes away so my space is a lot cleaner and it makes me happier. your living space can really have an effect on your mood bless you marie kondo

after my post about having an anxiety attack taking my test i got my drivers license in march. i saw the same lady again after going somewhere else and i think she just let me pass because she felt bad haha. i never finished drivers ed and i still get anxiety about driving unfamiliar routes but my skills and confidence have improved a lot. i managed to drive 2 hours to a big city to visit a friend! i literally didnt have a choice in getting my license, but its still something i can be proud of. like, when i have to explain it to people, it feels extremely shitty that i didnt get it until i was 20, and only about 5 months ago too but... for someone who struggles as much as me, i have to be proud of it my small accomplishments or i’ll have nothing.

at some point something in my brain just snapped and i literally havent been able to cry? for a long time in those 6 months i felt like i was right on the edge of breaking down mentally but never actually crossing that line and it was honestly one of the weirdest things ive experienced. i almost wanted to have a breakdown again just to get rid of the feeling and reach a catharsis like... i used to be a fucking crybaby almost but i. cant. anymore. but i think ive mostly moved away from this point... still feel kinda weird tho.

i didnt end up signing up to a local school fo gen eds. its still on my mind for the vague future because there’s topics i want to learn about (psychology, natural resources, languages...) and maybe try to pursue for a career but really i just wanted a way to get out of my toxic house, even if it meant going into debt to live in a shitty dorm.

in the last 30 days though life has been moving extremely quickly for me. i dont think i couldve lived with myself much longer being a useless adult basically living in my basement bedroom of my parents house, especially with my younger siblings getting nearer to adult milestones, plus my savings were starting to run out.

so literally next weekend, i’m moving out! and i make enough money right now that with the rough budget i have established, if its accurate, i’ll have a decent amount of wiggle room and hopefully wont be ruining my mental health just trying to make ends meet.

it took a long time of searching but i managed to find a job that hasnt made me suicidal and has slightly more than the MIT living wage for my area lol. im a janitor now! we’ll see how long it lasts but a lot of the factors from my last two jobs that contributed to my failing mental health are gone. i rarely have to interact with other people, and if i do its my coworkers, of who i tend to only see for minutes per day, or the other people working in the building i clean who at most i have to say hi and have a nice night to lol. i get to listen to music and podcasts for 8 hours and its very routine heavy. i have to clock out after the 8 hours is up so i literally cant be forced into overtime. a lot of people dont respect cleaning jobs like this but honestly who gives a fuck, its something i can handle mentally and support myself with. its still hard adjusting to 40 hours. i know its the standard, but the standard is rly tough for me, but i think i can do it long term.

all of this has been achieved through sheer self hatred and impulse alone, and im very nervous about moving in with 3 other people even if 1 of them ive known for 8 years, and i dont think its even properly hit me yet. literally cant register that i have to fend 100% for myself but also ill be away from my toxic family! i can bring my cat with me, who before this i got to see at MOST once a week!

a dude ive known online for two or more years is moving to my area too for college and he’s so sweet and kind, i feel better talking to him than i have 99% of people in my life and im so lucky to know him. ive been forced to talk about personal things i was kind of dreading (not his fault, just a result of our relationship going to go from online -> irl and things id have to address beforehand) and honestly i didnt even mind it that much when i just got it over with and talked about it to him! vulnerability is literally the thing i struggle with the most in interpersonal relationships and is a huge block for me in every way and in even the most mundane life situations but like... he’s honestly the best and im getting emotional writing this and its weird af because i straight up dont GET emotional about other people. ive absolutely developed a stupid fucking crush on him recently and i THINK hes been receptive to flirting and i cant tell if he flirts back because we already say i love you and are wholesome af but honestly no clue if he’s into (trans) dudes but honestly? even if it doesnt work out im so happy to be friends with him and im so excited to finally meet him!! i really think knowing him has helped me improve myself

i’ve always thought that if i could literally just achieve the bare minimum in life that things would naturally get better. like i’m still mentally ill and get paranoid about peoples intentions and i think if my boss yelled at me id have an anxiety attack on the spot. im still depressed and hate that i have low energy and that it’s still rly hard doing basic chores.

but like a huge part of my problem was that i felt like i literally couldn’t TRY to connect with people if i couldn’t face having to tell them bare info about myself, like “oh i cant drive” or “i dont have a job” or that i was living with my parents but not even making PROGRESS on getting out. like how could i make friends or go on dates if i literally couldnt contribute shit or admit these things i was so ashamed of? a lot of my self image was shaped by this because my entire life i havent been mentally well enough to do as well as i should have.

but like. i feel like im finally doing these basic things!! i dont have to hate myself so much anymore! i dont look badly on other mentally ill ppl who are less lucky than i/havent been able to do those things yet/might not ever and are still in the same situation i was 2 months ago but the self hatred is strong pls understand.

i dont know yet if i could afford twice yearly drs visits for meds or anything and probably not therapy. i dont even know what my insurance is yet haha. but i’ll see

i need to figure out at what point in my life im going to be able to never contact a single person in my family ever again, considering i’ll be a 20 min drive away and they will know the precise location of where i live, and if i’ll ever feel safe enough in society to start hrt but :^) you know :^) i can at least present more masculinely in the meantime!

i dont rly know how to conclude this... i’m not trying to brag either im just very nervous and excited about where my life might be going for the first time ever? maybe? in my entire life? i have no clue what to pursue after moving out, but i can figure it out. and just... that there’s hope even if youre as fucked up and mentally ill as i am lmao!

#text #update #mostly tagging this for myself to read later if i ever start blogging frequently again

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livelovelaug-h · 5 years

Text

Normal life? Nice try trickster

Dean x reader

A/n: This is for @supernatural-jackles #Weekly Writing Challenge. The line is "you cant ignore me forever" it'll be in bold.

"yea well I wish I never had this life and I wish I never met you."

*snap*

You were sitting in a chair at a desk??? You narrow your eyes what the heck?? Where were you. You heard phones ringing. You looked around and right behind your desk you saw Someone familiar. "Sam?"

"Hey y/n what's up?"

" whats up? Or more like what are we doing here."

"working?" He laughs. "how much did you have to drink last night?"

"drink? I didn't drink last night. Actually I can't remember anything about last night after we got back from a hunt"

"a hunt? You shot an animal? And who's we"

"no what ? Me, you and Dean."

"Dean, the boss?

"boss? What ?"

"Sam you guys are going to get in trouble for talking"

"who are you?"

"y/n it's Ian, are you high? Wouldn't be the first time" He laughs.

"no I don't do drugs."

He huffs a laugh "yes you do, we smoked last week at that party."

"what? No I didn't even know you last week."

"everything okay over here?"

"Dean?" "your hair's different" you whispered but they all still heard.

"I don't think shes feeling very well today." Sam says.

"since when do we work here? " You asked.

"...................did you hit your head or something?"

"actually -."

"why don't you take a sick day. I'll see if Brad can come get you. Let's go to my office."

You pick up your jacket and phone. "Brad? Who's Brad?" Following Dean to his office. He shuts the door.

"is something going on I should know about."

"no but something doesn't feel right about this place."

"you mean work?"

"yeah we don't even work here. I mean what even is this place?"

He stared at you with a confused face "Look I don't know if you're doing drugs or something but it isn't appropriate do to them before or at work okay? I texted Brad and he said he'll be here in 10."

You got sad. Why was he being so mean. You just whispered a quiet "okay".

Some guy came in asking if you were okay. He was about 6'1, skinny and looked like a normal guy. No plaid.

"um, I'm fine."

"okay let's get you home then." He started walking towards the door and you stared at Dean, you didn't want to leave him. You didn't know why but it hurt to leave a little something still felt off.

In the car it was quiet for awhile until you spoke up "so how do I know you?"

He rose an eyebrow and looked at you "are you that high?"

"I'm not high at all, clearly."

"sure and you Know me because we're dating."

"mmm-hhhm for how long ?".

"i don't know if I should be offended or not."

"I just feel like something's wrong or different i dont know."

"maybe you need to get a good night's sleep. More than 5 hours."

"yeah that sounds good."

You went in and laid on the couch since you didn't want to share the bed. "Why are you laying there Lets go to bed." He said.

"no! I mean no it's okay I wanna try here."

He frowned. "Okay then good night." He kissed your lips quickly and it felt so wrong.

Morning time -

You woke up to the smell of bacon and pancakes. You totally forgot where you were previously so you called out deans name. "Dean?"

"y/n? Are you awake?" You walked into the kitchen still groggy. You got a little startled when you seen Brad and not Dean.

"ready for breakfast?" Brad asked giving you a big kiss on the cheek.

"ha ha you know what I'm not feeling that hungry I'm just gonna head out." You were about to head out when you seen you were still in your clothes from yesterday. You quickly found your room and changed, seeing a paper with the name of your work and the address you took it and walked out. After about 26 minutes of walking you got to work. "y/n your running late." The girl at the front desk says.

"really?"

"only about 5 mins."

"okay thank you." You got to the 8th floor clocked in and went to your desk. Apparently you had a meeting 5 minutes ago probably about 10 now. You ran in and Dean spoke up

"nice of you to join us y/n." All eyes were on you now. Dick move.

"uh, yeah I'm sorry I walked to work today." He nodded but still looked a little angry. "That's okay, you can just do this week's article then right?"

Article?? "Um, but I just do sales."

"yeah but Josh can help you. Also, I need it by Thursday afternoon." You looked at the time and date on your; Tuesday 9:45 am. Great so only about two day.

"okay yeah." You say. Why does he hate you so much. Your lunch break was at 12:20 and apparently you had another meeting at 1 p.m. You were running a little late since you had to walk to go get breakfast, quickly jogging into the building, you bumped into someones shoulder knocking there drink over them and the floor. "I am so so sorry." You looked and saw that it was Dean. Great he already hated you. You pick up the cup and say "I'll buy you a new I didn't mean-"

"it's fine." You can see the anger in his eyes. "Oh.... alright. Well here's some napkins." You were holding napkins still from your lunch so you used those and started dabbing his shirt. "I got it alright." He said with a little venom in his voice.

"ooo-kaay." You say on the verge of tears. The next day you went to his office to give him a coffee and his response was " I don't like that kind. Back to work." Wow that was cold. The next three days were hard after that, you tried to avoid Dean at all cost.

Your three day streaks ended this morning when you walked into the elevator with Dean and some girl following. It looked like he was going to say anything but then glared at you so you looked away. He was kissing her the whole way up to the 8th floor. "See you later baby."

And now about 3 hours later hes calling you into his office....

You didn't say anything walking into his office and you didn't really look in his eyes or at his face much.

"please sit down." You did as told.

"So we've been on a small budget at the moment and sadly... You're one of the people that are getting laid off."

Seriously??? "Is this because of the coffee? I didn't mean it."

"it's not because of that."

"....okay."

"your last name is Friday and I would still like the article by Thursday afternoon." You wanted to cry.

"why do you hate me so much?" You whispered.

"it's not about hate it's about having a small budget." He gives you one of those fake smile with a shrugs.

"yes you do I see it in your eyes when you look at me."

"it's not hate it's just you're like a kid to me, always messing up, always having to clean up your messes. You haven't grown up yet." You were surprised to say the least.

It was like a wave energy just hit you

"you still act like a kid, you havent grown up yet. always messing up, and I'm always having to clean up your messes."

You remember Dean saying that to you before. The whole arguments came to you in pieces.

"you said that to me before."

"what?"

"I knew this wasn't right. you have to remember so we can get out of here"

"look if this is your way of trying to get your job back-"

"no, you know you remember. I said I didn't want to have that life anymore and then bam I wake up here. Trickster." The surrounding changed and you were in a completely empty diner sitting across from Dean and the trickster.

"I really thought you would be the first one to get it but not this time." He said to you.

"what?"

"deano over here got it this morning."

"what? And you didn't tell me?"

"I just wasn't sure if you remembered it yet."

"no you did know.... You kissed that girl right in front of me."

"yeah that was just a bonus" the trickster laughed.

"okay, okay I was still mad." You shake your head "so what you thought it would make me jealous?" He shrugged.

"okay." Your about to get up when the trickster speaks up "alright the point of that you bozos was that no matter how Angry you guys were you still Remembered and you definitely didn't want that life y/n."

"yes I do, you just did it wrong it would have been way better if I didn't have to see Him"

"oh please." Dean says.

"Would you two idiots just put that stuff behind you and move on. You still care about each other." You snickered. He snapped his fingers and you started choking, you flung your hands to your throat.

"stop your hurting her." Dean yells causing him to snap again, causing you to breath again. "Tell me that's not caring." He says and disappears.

"Ughhh" you walk over to leave but the doors were locked. "Oh come on!" You sat all the way across the room from Dean. It was quiet for a minute when Dean spoke up "you can't ignore me forever."

Silence. You didn't answer. After another minute you finally spoke up: "was she good in bed?" He squinted his eyes at you.

"I didn't sleep with her."

"that's surprising."

"you know you went home with someone too."

"yeah but I at least know how to control myself." He got mad but didn't say anything.

"I slept on the couch."

" wh-"

"I slept there because he wasn't you, it felt wrong."

"yeah it did for me too." You looked over towards him. You were caught off guard when he asked "do you really hate me?"

You slowly made your way towards him "hmm idk that depends.... Do you? Or do you think I always mess things up?"

"look, I was mad and I just said somethings"

"you didn't answer the question." He started slowly making his way to you now.

"we all have messes even me and Sam, you know that. but we all help to clean it up." He reaches you. "I missed you " he says.

"I'm sorry y/n for the what I said. I love you with all my heart, i didn't mean any of it. Please forgive me." He grabbed a flower from one of the tables and put it in your hand holding your other hand. You smiled that stuff girly smile and your heart melted at his actions.

"I apologize too it wasn't just you I said some things too. And I forgive you Dean."

"Good because I forgive you too." He said grabbing your face and kissing you. It was rushed but it was the type of kiss where you poured all of your feelings into it. You missed his lips and his hands on your face. You both heard "took you guys long enough." You pull away to laugh but Dean pulls you back to his mouth.

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myheadabovewater · 2 years

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Something major happened 2 days ago. Ive been avoiding writing about it because i just hate thinking about it.

Today is Feb 21st. Back on Jan 22-23 i got really sick from something i must have caught at Os play. I thought it was covid, but my test came back negative. But yeah, it was bad. I was sick in bed for like 6 days. Then as soon as i got better, i immediately caught a stomach bug from going downstairs to do laundry. That was just like 2 days.

But i havent felt good since. Ive had lots of nausea every day, what i call "the uncomfortables", which is like restless legs but all over. I havent been eating or sleeping. I could only sleep less than 30 mins at a time before id wake back up with uncomfortables. Its been awful. Ive felt horrible and sleep deprived and very depressed.

Well two nights ago i decided i was gonna try taking my tramadol at night to help me sleep since it really doesnt help with my pain during the day anymore (i have 2 spinal diseases that cause a lot of pain in my lower back and hips). I asked F to have O bring it up to me when he also brought me my blood pressure med. F keeps all of my medicines where i cant get them and i have to ask him every time its time to take them. Another way to control me.

So i get my tramadol, and instead of just taking it right away like always, i set it down to get a drink. I happened to look at them and saw they were not tramadol. I take 300mg. I used a med checker and saw they were allergy pills. Antihistamines. ONE tramadol, and the rest generic allergy pills. They look almost exactly the same. I sent O down and he came back up with F. F acted surprised and confused. I realized what was going on as soon as i saw how he reacted. He gave me the right pills and i said nothing about it. If he truly was not switching my medication on purpose, and took allergy pills out of a tramadol bottle, he would have lost his shit. The only possibility would be that I switched out my meds for almost identical ones behind his back.

It all made sense then. Idk how long he has been giving me the wrong meds but it explains why they havent been giving me any pain relief anymore. How sick ive been, i have been panicking that something might be really wrong with me. But it was that hes been giving me wrong meds and ive been going through withdrawl. The symptoms are exactly the same, and guess what? When i caught it and got my right meds, suddenly i was all better. No uncomfortables, slept much better.

This is why im very afraid at this point. He used to be on the rescue squad for 20yrs. He knows about medications. I have insanely bad hypertension. My meds i take for it dont work well and ive tried everything. But its regularly in the high 190s-200s over around 70-80. I had a heart attack 2 years ago this month.

Antihistamines are stimulants. They Raise your bp. He knows that. Ive taken them 2 times in years when i was desperate because i had hives, and the other time my eyes had been itching so bad id rubbed them raw. And i took ONE pill. He gave me FIVE at once for god knows how long now.

He does hoard medications and takes tramadol too, so he may have just been keeping my meds for himself, but i cant really believe that. The danger of me having another heart attack or a stroke after taking five allergy pills is huge and very likely. Do i think he was trying to kill me? Maybe. I believe he is capable of it. He knew what the med would do to me. And it would just look like i had another heart attack or stroked out. I dont know how to handle it. I have no proof and this probably sounds crazy. I feel like all i can do is check all meds before i take anything, and not take any food or drinks from him if he suddenly makes me something.

Ive always suspected he might have done this one other time, years ago. But i dont wanna talk about that right now.

How calculated and evil is he? This time ive been sick too, hes asked me what med he can get me for my stomach, had S go get me gingerale and nausea meds. One time he was in here and i said i couldnt eat because of the nausea, and he goes, "you know that could be a sign of a heart attack", and then took my pulse!

And the whole time he is the one whos been making me sick. Im actually considering writing a letter to my dad and sisters about it all and giving it to my sons friends mom, and tell her if anything happens to me that looks natural or like an accident, to mail it.

#dv #dv journal #narcissist #psychopath #surviving narcissism #mental health #mental illness #abuser tw #tw gaslighting #hoarder #true crime #trigger warning #domestic violence #domestic abuse

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shytiff · 3 years

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August 2021

1 - morning walk with ness mendel to palm hills. my dumb ass decided to do a bit of run. my heart was screaming by the time we hiked lol. continued with some youtube dance work out at mess. had kanayam as always. the fish and chicken somehow tasted even better than usual. afternoon nap. had muesli and simba again.

2 - a hectic BP slash usila slash mtbs day with dr arief. Tried sop bebek h syafei and sate bandeng. Worked out w renata to a 20 mins pilates vid and 2 madfit songs and one 5 min stretch. Dinner was tofu soun seaweed and egg soup courtesy of renata. And baked banana with ovomaltine lolll im so grateful friends give me food.

3 - in usila today but turns out theres still one more day of vaccine in kantor kecamatan, so nessa and i went. We screened together w dr arief. Finished at about 2 pm. Can finaly eat at like 3ish after getting to the mess. Felt a bit of headache and my nose starts to go runny. So i slept. But my nose was so blocked. So i asked renata for her boiled noodle. Felt a bit better. Cleared my nose. Slept.

4 - it did feel better, finally. The soreness i felt in my abs yesterday gets worse today lmao. BP w nessa. orientation w dr harnis. talked ngalor ngidul about love life et cetera at our room lol

5 - fasted today. sahur was rice, crispy mushroom and abon since i felt sick of eating egg. it seems that love life talk continued today at BP w dr anggi. printed stuff at kubang wates. bought kepak bandeng at RM tajuk and some snacks in indomaret. turns out Prof gave me one more ppt to do, for PIT. and the manuscript deadline is on the 8th :) immediately started doing something about it since now i know ppt and word making rly takes time

6 - muesli and pizza from alfia for bfast. vaccine today w dr lutfi. talked with kang ade and turns out he lived in kalideres before lol. bought don’s burger for dinner and ate it with fried egg.

7 - MTBS today. got a lot of free food. read stranger than friends. went to transmart w nessa to buy stuff. did the word for Prof’s PIT topic acompanied with lofi study on the tv accompanied with nescafe latte. taste kinda.. weird.

8 - ran a bit today, alone. bought nasi uduk for 5000 and i added scrambled egg. continued the word and finished it at like 11 am. sent it. relaxed for a bit. read black mirror. lunch was from labbaik but things went shit and i ended up paying 72k lol. printed document stuff w nessa and went to palm hills in the golden hour. ate together w the gals. played scrabble and talked a bit with fianti until almost 11 pm.

9 - had left over chicken and pizza for bfast. usila today and the patients came back to back. bought kanayam while waiting for 2 pm. slept. did (so little) work of ECMOCARD SAP. im so research dumb.

10 - had steak and rice and renata’s veggie soup for bfast. vaccine today at vivo near intermedia with teh dian. waited for a mother with 9cm dilatation in ugd with nessa, but it took so long so i went back first. met up with atikah at o seven lmao. she arrived at like 12 and waited at palm wates. tried carbonara sphagetti (yum! but not fulfilling enough) and fried tofu. slept early and i probably passed out at like 930 pm. atikah was talking w ratnaa and we’re talking about the day’s randomness of atikah’s customer that somehow lives in cilegon

11 - woke up late. drove motorbike around palmhills to sightsee a bit. bfast at nasi uduk place around the corner. did some ngambi-together in green wates, accompanied by atikah’s 2 songs, repeated many times. went to mess. ate seafood in merak (a place near billiard cafe). got fish and shrimp. went to pulau kecil with pak asep’s help. walked around the tiny island. saw a monkey. the waters surprisingly clear. and then after maghrib Prof asked me about the ppt lol. so i hurriedly made it and emailed it, with zoom sesh 2mrw

12 - muesli for bfast. a hectic day today at bp x usila with dr lutfi (she went up for a bit for promkes). leftover kangkung and fish for lunch. hurriedly added some stuff to Prof’s ppt before the zoom sesh at 3. did 1 pamela reif vid and “attempted” her 10 min ab workout. dinner was soun and egg and renata’s veggie.

13 - vaccine day for ODGJ and special needs children ft. dr Arief. finished at like 10:15. bought discounted wingstop (86k for 20 piece). was about to send Prof’s ppt but turns out there’s a ppt from the sponsor. in english. so i had to mold the 2 ppt and do some translation. finally sent it, and the literature. the sponsor used a lot of old literature lol.

14 - wingstop and rice for bfast. mtbs today. no patient lmao. bu ningrum gave me cimol again! and a snack called selondok. waited out 2 pm with nessa. there’s a mom that came with upper abdominal pain. it did not improve after ranitidine, so she was referred. mom dad etc came to cilegon. i vacuumed. bujing lia had itches within like 15 mins of entering my room :(( lol. since the bed was put out, renata and i slept in yoga mat lol. nessa went to damkar. but i dreamed of something that night.

15 - mom’s spaghetti for bfast. off to pulau besar at 7 am. walked around the island a bit. swam in pulau kecil. ate at saung bonang (<50k per person!). tidied up the hydrovacuumed bed. a 20 ish minute ab and glutes workout with renata. love life talk. accidentally turned on live video in cld lmao. talked with aisyah due to said live vid. gave some brownies and spaghetti to mendel lol. dinner was mom’s chicken, kentang balado and capcay.

16 - usila today. lots of patients with dizziness. ate mom’s chicken and spicy potato for lunch.

17 - free day today. picked up my towel from sodaqo laundry. nasi uduk for breakfast. lazed. washed my undies. lunch was meat soup made by renata. watched run bts while eating indomie. watched extreme job (quite hilarious). filled my logbook. slept at like 12 am

18 - spaghetti for bfast. no patient at kia. promkes about hypertension. some patients at igd today. my mistake today was not realizing the pneumonia on a 8months patient with severely dehydrated diarrhea :( there’s also a 4 yo child whose fever did not improve after like 3 hrs and pct and compress. i have to be better :(. lunch was kanayam. bought chatime together with ness tri. tried lychee milk tea and the taste did not combine well at all. imagined better productivity with nessa even though its less likely to happen lmaooo

19 - fasted and had nongshim carbonara dry ramen for sahur. BP today. Almost bought martabak but its just keBMan on my part.

20 - vaccine day today. Filled logbook. went to mess and went back again to cibeber through the rain when i was called by the teteh. Helped the delivery (the mcroberts, to be exact), and got some hecting. The midwives were rly kind :) ness ren were sleeping so i got some silence for myself. It was nice. Tidied some stuff and slept

21 - mtbs. Whatsapp class for pregnant woman abt c19 vaccine. Bought martabak hokky medium (50k,green tea, chocolate, ceres and cheese). Turns out alfia also bought martabak assen. Fried mom's chicken and ate it with renata's porridge. Movie night, watched under the gods 1 along with popcorn

22 - woke up kinda late if i wanted to run, but the weather was cloudy and nice, so i went out at 7:15ish. ran a bit towards KS complex behind mess. walked through a jogging track, empty houses, krakatau bike park. played badminton with tri. washed undies. ate mom’s food for bfast slash lunch. napped a bit. off to o seven, bringing mom’s brownies. ordered green tea latte (25k), it tasted sweet and i had to remind myself that its not matcha lol. did some logbook and literature search for prof’s ppt. ate renata’s broccoli. folded clothes. tried nessa’s scarlett scrub. put on some lotion. mask. turned on fianti’s candle (smells rly nice and calming!). vcall with fi, scrabble and some talks. and suddenly its 11pm

23 - usila today. quite a lot of patients, so much that i was thirsty. dr yanti called since she needs some preskas docx. lol so sudden. bought mizone and dimsum kuy (10.5k with gofood pickup promo). the dimsum was good and fulfilling. didnt do anything else much in the mess. read a painter behind the curtain. it was rly rly good. all the characters made sense and had great insight. some are assholes (im looking at u, Raymond). ate the keripik mom bought from sidimpuan. first time actually trying it. its actually not that spicy lmao i used to think its the spiciest thing in the world. banana, brownies and protein shake for din din.

24 - empty KIA today. no promkes. or UGD patients. some mentoring on preeclampsia by dr Arif. went to BNI but turns out our card havent been activated yet. cooked mom’s sphagetti sauce (thats not enough amount) along with egg and cheese. yum. had banana brownies and protein for dinner. started trial to blinkist

25 - BP today. reasonable amount of patients, accompanied by blinkist. tried ngikan by gofood pickup (17.5k). i still prefer kanayam’s fish and nasi liwet. a pregnant woman came to UGD. so i went back at like 7 pm, but turns out the mom went back home lmao. mas apit said i shouldve contacted him. point taken. so a nicely lit cafe along the way to pkm called Serada, so i tried it. It has industrial vibes. Got latte (25k). did some logbook. Read some blinks in bed

26 - vaccine today. Both screening and getting moderna lol. My arm hurts. So far no fever. bought roti O croissant and the usual coffee bread for 12k using gofood. Watched weathering with you. Turned on the candle. Read blinks

27 - arm hurts. but thankfully its mtbs. slept while waiting until 2. kanayam sambal matah for lunchie. finally took PCT that solved my headache and incoming fever and arm pain bcs i dont want to stumble while on the motorbike. watched harry potter #1. washed clothes and filled some logbook, powered by left over serada latte. need to sleep so i wont wake up late 2mrw

28 - mass vaccination in SMP RJ with mendel kak esa. 800ish patients. Lots of food and snacks and coffee. Picked up by mom and dad. Slept on the way. And like magic, when i open my eyes im at the airport. Basking in the silence of my room

29 - relaxed. Moms nasgor for bfast. Met up with atikah puy in kopi sedjenak. Tried their croffle with nutella. Went to racheels since its her online grad day. There were also sil and dev. Lotsss of food was eaten that day. Doughnuts, moms brownies, fruits, phd bigbox. Atikah and puy also came along to racils. Had lots of fun talk.

30 - sahur. Off to cilegon. A bit of road fixture was going on. Stopped in the rest area since i wanted to pee. KIA/ugd today. There was a patient who had an accident with a truck. Her nails were falling off. I panicked when Prof asked for his ppt so i hurriedly finished it. Had moms chicken for iftar. Fell asleep after maghrib

31 - usila. Renata fried bakwan and tofu and fish and chicken. Lotsss of fries yum. We played with makeup and ness set up her ling light. I imitated jks tattoo using eyeliner lol. Did the word for Prof. Jk went live for his bday!! I listened until i fell asleep (lol hes still going)

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qifshaa · 6 years

Quote

I know you might see this and i know you wont like reading this but yes, i am dieing.. the day my heart broke was the day these emotions came out. When you told me what you were holding back for so long, it felt like a bullet straight through my heart. I stopped breathing, felt the blood rushing but going nowhere.. it killed me knowing that i kept moving forward with those emotions where you werent moving at all. Too see now those emotions with someone else just feels like the shrapnel in my heart just expand and start growing in there. The way we spent our time together was so undescribable that still to this day i remember when you got so drunk i helped you into bed and took care of your baby. You were so beautiful yet you didnt know it. Everyday i got that much closer to you because i never had anyone like you, you were and still are the only person i love. You made me feel things i didnt even know existed, shit that ive never seen in movies. You gave them to me. But it all just turned into darkness that day you told me it wasnt the same. I didnt think that after aaaaall the time i knew you and you telling me who you were that you werent the person to hold back certain things that you held back from me for 2 months. I know it wasnt a long time but i thought about those 2 months and those 2 months all i wanted was to bethere for you even throughout all the fights we went through. Before i started working i knew it wouldve came and i told you and asked you “do you reckon we will stop texting cause ill be working full time” and i didnt expect us to stop talking so soon and it hasnt even been a year of working 😔 i didnt realise how much of an impact you have in my life. I an depressed and emotionally broken and it seems like i want to just leave and hate life but its mainly just clouding all the deep emotions of love i have for you. Im holding it all in as if ive been swimming for a thousand metres for you. Unable to breathe and look forward but yet i knew that you would be at the end of the line holding out your hand for me. The way i see you speak and act now was so different to when i use to see you on the weekly basis, i guess this is me realising how attched i was to you seeing you grow but now that we dont talk i see you growing into a different path and i dont know if its a good or bad path only you will know it. But i just hope that path leads to a beautiful family and endless love for you. You dont deserve anything less and its surprising to see how much love you have stored in you and i never saw any of it. And now that you let it all out i dont know what i see in you anymore cause i knew that we would never be together but seeing how much love was inside of you and now seeing it cloud your thoughts is making me so scared cause you always told me that you didnt want love now and you were just gonna wait but it all changed within a week. We both spoke about focusing on school and not getting to close with friends regardless of gender yet it all get side casted when you met him. I have no doubt you may like him, but i know who you are. And i know you dont love him. He gives you a feelig you thought you lost but what if you are feeding yourself the feelig wth your own emotions? You know who you are and we both know what we have been through and we know how your brain works yet you really want to believe that it is love. You say that you guys wont be how you were before yet you guys keep feeding eachother more and more making you guys crumble more inside. You are doing things you never EVER did with me and it fucken hurts so damn much 😅 but i cant say anything cause you always think of a something to say that shows im wrong when i know deep down that i am right and you know it too but you just cant admit it to yourself and that i dont even know why. This is just a weird rant about us but i dont want to send this to you directly because i dont know what we would say after this.. 😓 When i made you laugh, it made me laugh.. you gave me genuine giggles and bubbles in my stomache and not even in the way of affection, but just nervousness cause i didnt want to do anythig thaat unimpresses you 🙈 you made me feel great about myself and you made me understand more about myself than i thought i already knew. You made me come in so close to you i knew every little feature about you and all the insecurities you have. I loved you in every way and i loved you in ways you havent even realised still to this day and you wont ever notice them now cause your love faded away months ago and is directed to someone else. I dont know how i feel about us from talking every day to not talking anymore and to you talking to him everyday and not me anymore. It was all such a rush and such a sudden change you gave me no time to think and no time to heal and you dont show any help towards me in koving forward or try visting me or taking me out because of the relation you have with my sisters, how can we be bestfriends if you dont even feel comfortable at my house.. i never wanted to believe it but i just feel like im being used but i like it. I actually want you to cause you are the reason for my daily smiles. You dont realise what you gave me and what you took away from me. You say you will never ever forget me as a bestfriend and never will forget me in general. But i see it in your heart, you have. 5 months ago we used to tell eachother every time we leave the house and send “Get home safely” messages before i even make it half way home and then 2 months ago i started having to text you “i got home safely “ after ive been in my room for 5 mins and that showed me the meaning of “i love you” and “love you” Little things like that i dont think you realised and i know youll accuse it cause of the situation we are in but no, its not 😒 you started dropping all of out little gestures and thoughts about one another untill i had to bring it up or let you know for you to tell me that you forgot or felt bad. I am sorry that you stopped loving me and i dont know how you moved on so fast but maybe in time ill move on from you too. I am sorry that i am not truly your bestfriend but i dont know how to talk to you anymore when every day it is spent with another guy talking to you, so why should i bother aha I dont know what this whole thing is about but its just shit on my mind so dont judge I love you, honestly i do. But lately... your actions are showing me otherwise. You literally are becoming someone you didnt want to be and i dont know what to say about it cause youll just get hurt and shut me out. You never stayed out so late to complete work or to hang with friends till you met him. And not even wit me either. And its just making me realise that you never loved me that way and how much you are willing to be with him. Three times now i have not told you yet but whilst you were not home i just had to go to your home just so i could say hello to your beautiful baby. Yes i know i never told you but i just had to show adeline that regardless where her mother was and ehats going on in her life she still has an uncle to care for her when she needs it. Ive seen lately that she has started getting slimmer and more aggressive but i dont know wether its cause of how she acts at home or what she is watching but she is changing to fast and it hurts me seeing her this way and i can only imagine how it must be on you 😔 The only dream ive had this past week was me going to my primary school but not as a child. As a father to my own kids picking them up , i didnt have a wife or girlfriend cause ive always wanted to be a lone dad but i remember taking a step into the school and seeing Adeline run right past me.. it fucken broke my heart knowing how much she meant to me but for the slghtest moment , she stopped and waved at me. 😦 i hated this fream so much cause i woke up straight after that at 3 am and was crying till 5 am and drove to work dreaded in tears. I hope i am there to pick up Adeline after school to take her to get ice cream and toys as the great uncle i always should be. I just hope her mother is there to realise what she has and how much the two of them mean to him. Goodnight biffle ♥️👐🏼

~Nazif Bujupi 18/06/2018

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pinina12 · 6 years

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Pennywise X Popular Cool Girl Reader Part 2

Its been a week since that creepy incident. You would wonder at times if it was even real, or if it would still be down there in that sewer. For some reason you will be often caught day dreaming or more like Wondering in your thoughts. The way IT, looked at you. The way IT smiled at you. Those carefully used words he used. The way IT said your name, without a hestitation. Its pure image wouldent leave your mind. And it terrified you. But because you are the "Supposed" girl with no fear. You decided to leave this like that, and shrug everything single thing of you. And just simply forget that it even has happened in the first place.

Tuesday Morning, already. You was at a bench at the college waiting for friends to come. Just breathing in and out slowly, while looking and taking the views you were recieveing from the bench you was at. But for some odd reason, you felt that horrid gut sensation that you hate feeling. That odd sensation of being watched. Oh no, not like any pair of eyes that would look at a person for at least 5 mins. Nope. It was that feeling of being drained by their stare. A stare that seems to last an enternity without a end.

But that gut feeling quckly got cut off when you saw your friends reaching out to you. As always a smile played at your friends just like your smile was. " Hahahaha did you see the way miss opts yelled at us, hahaha she really thought that her threats would make us shake." Your friend Melissa, said. She couldent stop laughing, which completelty made her ignore the fact that the head of year was standing right in front of her, just staring at her with dissappointment. You along with the others quickly made to a corner out of the head of years sight, and giggled at how awkward it would be for melissa.

As soon as she looked back, she gulped and coughed as to excuse her silliness from earlier, and looked at us back and back to the head of year. "Uhh, hiii heads, hows it going?" She looks at the head of year awkwardly. " Dont hi me, as if you havent said nothing that was directed to miss Opts. And if you really think you and your other troublemaker friends can get away with what you done in class, your absolutely wrong. And for the record, you and your friends",...... she says while looking back at us while i quickly look away while holding my laugh in,..............." Will be suspended for 2 days, for the very reason you lot know." And with that she takes off.

" Nah bruv, what the heck we got suspended again, you guys know our record is going to be fucked, i mean if it isnt already" I say laughing at the end, like honestly can life get any worse? i put my hand on Melissa shoulder and say" Really? Heads???" I smile, "Shut it..haha" we walk to the entrance of the school and laugh while remembering, the things we done in class.

We all four, was just enjoying our moment when of course we came across with the Bowers gang. They the were standing a few cm away. We just stared at each other, It felt like were in a eye contest competittion. But for once they left without saying a word. Which was reliefing.

Walking down the streets, plugged with the brand new headphones on while listening to good music, alone. Me and my friends parted our ways and said our fairwells after the 2 days that will pass by very quick.

Looking down at my feets, while not caring what could be ahead of me. Today and the other days ive been taking a different route to get to my house. It is longer but worth for not going thru a uncomfortable situation again. Once again that odd gut feeling has comed to live, and it was irritating me, but now its somehow different, not to the one that I felt earlier or any of the past days. But more of a danger alert, humanly danger alert. It was weird i must say that i tried to shrug it off and think its nothing, until i felt a tap on my shoulder. I quickly unplugged my headphones and looked behind. Oh shit.

Lets say, my day is going to be completely fucked. I looked at them with anger and digust. And no, this time it aint the bowers, but with some other gang that me and my squad have been messing about. You knows fights and all yepp. The silence was quickly disturbed with that disgusting raspy voice of their leader.

"Oi we got buisness to finish, and you know what." ............" I have no fucking idea what buisness you mean, no may you the fuck leave before this shit gets real messed" with such anger that i had in my tone as the same with such anger my eyes were flaming with. " You little shit, you dont fucking talk to me like that" he came launching at me with a knife, i quickly dodged his attack, and twisted his arm as he lets go of the knife and i kicke it away , while i head buttt him in the head, he drops on the ground harshly. The other went with a punch but i caught it with a swift motion and with my knee i kicked at his balls.

While i was busy being finished with those jerks , i grabbed my phone that droped and shoved it in my pocket... BOOM.... i felt such pain at the back of my head , as i stumbled with pain and shock running at the same time ast the very moment. Wide eyes, as i slowly turned around seeing one of those fuckers with a bat. I blink a few times, to try and recover my reality and react into action, but no matter how hard i tried, i couldent. I was feeling wavey, as in like i was losing my balance, my conscious and light headed. That is when i completelty lost myself and dropped on the ground with a loud thud. Closing my eyes, while breathing as i heard loud heavy footsetps going to my way. Trying hard to lift my heavy lids as my blurry vision was be presented, but i manage to catch shoes, but not any shoes, they looked huge in my opinion, Jokey, Childish. But whos?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... loud screams from a desperate young men, and pleads from others. Eyes closed, and trying to figuer out what coukd be happeneing around me? Growls, Loud Growls. But Also Giggles. Giggles with such a sick, insanity being invovled in. Rips, Something very disturbing was being ripped, but what is it? The aftermath...ughhhh that smell, that smell seemed so metalic...blood?

.........Silence was all i could hear right now at this very secound. All the pleads, Cries, agony was all gone in a split secound. I finally managed to slowly lift my heavy lids and look. Its not like with such a blurry image i can make something out but what first came to my vision was red, red on the ground, a red liquid. When i tried to look elesewhere, thats when something blocked my way from seeing more. The very own shoes, i slowly grunt in pain when i tried to force myself move. The person slowly bented down to get to my level. But this person seemed to be a ver tall one.

I carefully looked up, and thats when i meet those familiar eyes. That familiar smile, everything.

" Hello there , (Y/N), dont you worry, Pennywise has everything in control now, my sweets,... ohoho yess he do!!!!" With such excitment he says. It canf be him. It cant be that pennywise clown. No its a joke. You see how his once amber orangey eyes turn into a hue blue once. As he gently caress your cheek. He seemed to to slightly shake at his first touch with you. You wished you knew what he was going to do with you, because before you knew anything else you blacked out.

Hey guysss sorry if this was super long, really sorry if i got u kinder bored or something but i promise to make the next chapter a really good one that invloves more pennywise into it.

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18silverwolf · 4 years

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Jeremy Gilbert Imagines: Imagine 2: when you call out Jeremy's name part 2 to Imagine 1

As i walked down the stairs of the back porch and made my way towards a very sweaty Jeremy. I noticed that he looked a lot more buff then before he left after his aunts funeral. I smiled knowing that Jeremy would see me soon and i would be wrapped up in his arms even if he is sweaty.

"JEREMY?" I asked as he turned around he looked at me he put the axe down and opened his arms. I ran into his arms and he wrapped them around my small body. "what are you doing here?" He mumbled into my hair "I wanted to surprise you and Elena told me besides i missed you" I mumbled in to his chest as a reply. he chuckled and kissed the top of my head.

"I missed you too" He replied as he put his hand on my cheek and made me look up at him where his soft lips came into contact with my own lips. The kiss never gets old, no matter how many times we have kissed, he is the only one that can make me feel like this.

He deepened the kiss, he placed his hands under my butt giving it a small squeeze "Jump" He mumbled against my lips. I did as i was told. he pinned my up against a tree as he held me. one of my hands were tangled in his hair and my other was at the back of his neck.

"MmHMMM" someone cleared their throat. Jeremy and i broke away from the kiss "I know you two haven't seen each other for a while but i was wondering y/N if you are staying for dinner?" Matt asked.. Of course he would interrupt a moment me and Jeremy were finally having. I looked at Jeremy to see him watching me intensely i looked back at matt "Only if you have enough?" I replied Matt broke out into a smile "There's always enough" He replied before walking away.

I turned back to Jeremy to see him already looking at me, "Nothing it's just i never realised how much i really missed you" He said as he looked down "oh please like Mr hunter would miss me" I said teasingly Jeremy looked up at me and raised an eyebrow "You better run for that comment" Jer said.

oh no i knew what i was in for. My eyes went wide and i started to run. he was hot on my tail when suddenly i felt strong arms wrapping around my waist as we fell to the ground. Jeremy was on top of me and he smirked "Jeremy Please Don" I didnt get a chance to finish my sentence because his fingers where tickling my side i bursted into a fit of laughter.

"Jer. Jer. I . Cant. Breathe." I said through my giggles. I heard him laugh when he suddenly stopped his tickle torture. Only for him to lean down and kiss me again. I smiled into the soft passionate kiss. I finally felt home.

Jeremy and i stood up and started to walk back to the kitchen when i decided to tease him again. "So Hunter, is that how you torture all your victims?" I said smirking at him he raised an eyebrow and i knew i just started something. I bolted to the kitchen and ran behind Matt "Matt help me hes going to tickle me" I said "Matt hand her over" Jeremy said crossing his arms across his toned chest... Damn that boy is gonna kill me.

Matt looked at Jeremy and then at me when matt through me over his shoulder and handed me to Jeremy. I was now over Jeremy's shoulder. I crossed my arms and glared at Matt "TRAITOR MATT" I said as i huffed.

Jeremy and Matt laughed. Jeremy took me to his room. "WOW this room is amazing" I said as Jer placed me on his bed, his room was fit for a king. it had a stone fire place and a candle chandelier hanging from the room. (Pic below )

I was laying on his bed while he went for a shower. Jeremy walked out in nothing but a towel around his waist showing is perfect sculptured chest and stomach. Is this boy trying to kill me Damn. He smirked once he noticed that i was checking him out before Jeremy could tease me about staring there was a nock on the door. "COme in i said" Jeremy looked at me "Hey this is my room"he said I rolled my eyes at him "HEy guys dinner is ready" Matt said staring at Jeremy with a smirk playing on his face. "Great im straving" I said as i walked past Matt to the kitchen.

Jeremey's POV:

After Y/N walked out of the room after matt said dinner was ready. Matt and i stood there for a moment thinking. "YOU know i havent seen you smile for a while Jeremy and now that your Girl is here its like you cant stop. and what Caroline and Elena told me, Y/n hasnt really been out of her room or house after you left especially after she kicked her father out, so i was thinking what if you asked her to live here with us, we can protect her and we can teach her to protect herself and you will both be together?" Matt said I looked at him.

i was thinking everything matt just said makes sense, I cant believe that she was hurting and missing me just as much as i was missing her. I nodded at Matt "Sounds like a great idea Matt. I'll ask her at dinner" I replied he nodded and left.

I Quickly got dressed. as i finished getting dressed i felt my heart skip a beat. what if she says no or what if she doesnt want to stay here with me... all the what ifs were running through my head. I dont want to lose her i have lost enough people that i have loved in the past i dont want her to add to the list.

I walked out of my room to the kitchen. to See her laughing and Smiling at whatever lame Joke Matt just told her. I smiled my nerves disappearing after seeing her beautiful smile and hearing her contagious laugh. I sat down beside her and put my arm around the back of her chair. She smiled at me and leaned in to kiss my cheek. Matt handed me and Y/n a bowl of his famous spaghetti. after we had all finished eating dinner. It was time for me to ask her to move in with me and Matt.

"So Y/n Matt and I were talking before and we.. I mean me i was wondering if you would move in with us?, only if you want to, its up to you its just a suggestion but if you dont want to thats fine i understa..." I was cut off with soft lips on mine she pulled away with a big smile "I would love to move in with you" She replied.

Matt smiled "Good then tomorrow we will all go and get your things and we can set you up a room" Matt said hugging me.

4 months later:

you were already moved in with Matt and Jeremy, and you were so happy that you did because you are with the boy you are madly in love with and the boy who was always like your older brother Matt.

since the day you moved in with boys the figured out that you were on of the founding families which means your also a hunter thanks to your great great grandfather. the boys havent stopped training you. the weapon that you always use is a bow and arrows. where Jeremy uses a Cross bow. However for the past coupled of weeks you have been throwing up your breakfast and the boys are worried.

so today you decided to go into Mystic falls and get yourself a pregnancy test just to be safe. However Jeremy wanted to go with you because he had his own secret that he was keeping from you. he wanted to go see Elena and Stefan so you agreed.

You both arrived at Elena's and Stefan's house to be greeted by a pregnant Elena. you smiled and hugged her and Jeremy did the same. Elena and i walked up to the nursery because she wanted to show me the baby's room. "Hey Elena can i ask you a favour?" I asked looking down and playing with my fingers. "Yes of course" "I think i'm Pregnant but i haven't told Jeremy because i want to make sure" I said really fast she nodded. she pulled me into her bathroom and handed me 2 pregnancy tests "Use these and wait ill see if Stefan can get Jer out of the house for a bit okay" She said walking out of the bathroom.

I did my business by peeing on the stick. Once i was finished i pulled my pants up and sat on the floor with my back against the sink cabinets when Elena walked in, "Did you put a timer on?" i just nodded.

5 mins later:

the timer went off, it felt like hours before it went off. I grabbed one of the sticks and it was positive while Elena grabbed the other "Their both positive" I said shocked when suddenly we heard Stefan and Jeremy's voice "Babe where are you?" Jeremy and Stefan yelled.

I looked at Elena and we walked down stairs to see the boys talking when suddenly i felt really anxious. "Hey Jeremy can we talk?" I asked my voice shaking. He nodded and we walked up into his old room "Whats up babe" He said as he looked at me. I looked down and handed him the pregnancy test.

He didn't say anything which started to make me more nervous than what i already was. I looked down when suddenly i was pulled into a tight embrace. My face was buried in his chest when he placed a warm hand on my cheek and made me lift my head up. Jeremy kissed me hard. and he ran out of the room.

I was confused but followed after him to see him run into the living room and yelled "I'M GOING TO BE A DAD" Stefan and him bro hugged and Elena Hugged me then she hugged Jeremy and Stefan hugged me.

Relief flooded through my body. then i realised something. I went up to Jeremy and Punched him in the arm "Jerk" I said Elena started laughing knowing exactly why i hit him "WOuld have been nice for you to tell me you were happy about this instead of running down stairs with out saying a word" I said his eyes went wide "OH sorry baby I forgot" I rolled my eyes as he pulled me into his body. i turned around to talk to Elena when i saw Stefan give Jeremy the look.

I turned to see Jeremy on one knee and a box in his hand. I gasped and looked at Elena her eyes were just as wide as my own. "Y/N I have loved you ever since we first met and i am always going to be here for you just as you were there for me, I have never been this happy for a long time and you helped me become a better person and I won't let you or our baby down, So Y/N Y/L/N will you do me the honour of becoming my beautiful wife" Jeremy said.

I was speechless but looked at Jeremy and said "YESS" He stood up and placed the ring on my finger and I smashed my lips to his.

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