#i genuinely think we’re platonic soulmates | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 7 days

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ARI MLL IM SO SORRY THAT THIS IS SENT OUT SO LATE HSJSJS. I FEEL SO BAD FOR NOT REPLYING EARLIER 😭 it was assessment week and istg everyday was just filled with assignments/exams/pracs etc. i just wanna go back to high school already!! i’m not mentally prepared for this ☹️☹️

UR SO REAL ABT THE JJK DILFS THO. like they’ve raised my standards up for men so high haksjsj. i so badly want, no, NEED a college bf! geto in my life to make my very own uni life a lil more bearable. HES SO BF CODED OMG 😻 okok but hear me out. geto playing guitar?? i repeat. GETO PLAYING GUITAR??? more specifically ELECTRIC GUITAR PHEWWW. i’m sorry it’s been plaguing my mind for the past few days but i so believe that geto can play guitar w ease. hsjsjsj guitarist! geto has me melting icl 😭✋ with his piercings nd tattoos nd the reading glasses he wears at home hshshshs. its not a want, it’s a need 😔

AHHH UR SO RIGHT ABT STEM GIRLIES AND LIBERAL ARTS GIRLIES HOLDING HANDS HSJJSJ. us stem girlies have sm respect for you guys 🙇‍♀️ from what i’ve heard, lit is a pretty tough major (i took lit as an atar subject back in hs and i FAILED LMAOO). plus lit girlies are so knowledgeable it js blows my mind away. like give me ur brain please 🙏

i’ve tried getting out of my reading slump (WE’RE GETTING THERE WOOHOO!!) like i’ve recently started little woman by louis may alcott (a classic ik idk why i’m even referencing it shshs) and so far it’s pretty good! sometimes the dialogue throws me off a little since it was written so long ago and my mind just goes blank as soon as i read anything that’s not modern day english (i’m talking anything published before the 2000s 😭). i watched the movie a while ago so i’m kinda excited to see if there’s any major differences between the books and the movies. apparently there are a few but i didnt listen in further bc i didn’t wanna spoil myself hahah. welp ig i’ll k when i commit to actually finishing the book.

i haven’t heard abt the travelling cat chronicles yet but i’ll sure be adding it to my tbr 🫡 I LOVE LOVE LOVE CATS SMMM!! ive always just preferred cats more than dogs idkk. speaking abt cats, i have two ragdoll cats hsjsjs. funnily enough, someone pointed out that they somewhat remind them of gojo 😹😹 whelp i fear that i might as well grow up to be an old cat lady hsjsj. not that i’m complaining tho 🤭 really out of the blue question but dy have any pets? 👀 i’m just curious hahah.

also thank u so so so much for the advice ari! i’ll definitely be checking out the summaries + quotes for any future books i wanna read. and nooo ur not incompetent at all, don’t worry!! and thank u sm for being so supportive bby i have sm love for you 💗 AND YEAH I AGREE, READING IS SM FUN WHEN YOU’RE NOT BEING FORCED INTO IT.

and aww the tags were absolutely no problem at all! ur geto drabble was written SO WELL. like ari bby you are so talented and i cannot emphasise that enough. you have a way with words and it’s so admirable!! ++ you nailed geto’s characterisation so well, i was genuinely in awe while reading it. ahhh i still think abt it even to this day!! cult leader geto plagues my mind once a week istg. SAME W HIM AND HIS DYNAMIC W SATORU. like hello?? every time i hear abt satosugu i wanna BAWL MY EYES OUT. they’re soulmates (both platonically and somewhat romantically?? idk if you can have both hahah). but omigosh they’re so tragic shskajsjs. brb i’m not crying, i’m chopping up onions!! !! !! 😃

OMG THAT RESEMBLANCE BETWEEN GOJO AND RHE KITTY CAT OMFDDHDH. someone tell me they’re twins and i’ll believe every. single. word. thank u sm for the treat ari, i hope ur day/night is going well!! i’m so sorry that this is long overdue but i genuinely LOVE talking to you bby <333 remember to take care of urself too! ilysm 💞🥹

p.s hes so fine i swearrrr 😍 i saw this on twitter and it’s been my roman empire ever since

UKIIIII MY BELOVED PLS FORGIVE ME FOR THE WAIT 😔😔😔 i’m finally here !!!!!!

first of alllll i hope your studies n work have gone well!!!!!! 🥺🥺 you know i’m always cheering you on hehe. i just have a month left n then i’m free but i’m not sure how it is for you :’3 i hope you’ll get to rest properly soon!!!!

ANDDDDDDDD GUITARIST!SUGU. GOOD GOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 your hcs of him made me LOSE it i hope you know that…… he’s literally so bf…… PLSSS PIERCINGS AND TATTOOS AND READING GLASSES ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 OUGHHH UKI I NEED HIM SO BAD….. he would strum his pretty guitar for you on nights you couldn’t sleep 🥺🥺 i just know he would!!!!! he’s such a loverboy…..

LIBERAL ARTS GIRLIES 🤝 STEM GIRLIES FR….. from my perspective stem subjects are a LOT more difficult i rlly can’t overstate how impressed i am by how much you guys study …… 😭😭 i’ve heard . horror stories abt it LMAO…..

AND THE BOOKSSSSS i’m so proud of you for trying to get out of your reading slump uki!!!!!! i actually haven’t read little women yet hehe, pls tell me if it ends up being good!!!!! i’ve heard great things abt it….. AND AND ANDDD i get you!!!! i think it’s important to pick books that are written in ways that you like!!! it’s easy to think that older books are like . harder to read and relate to but that’s usually more bc of the author than the time period!!! i prefer mine to be from around the 1800s-1900s and they aren’t difficult to understand at all!! some classics are super hard to get into bc of how just. Heavy they are writing wise (side eyeing shakespeare n dostoevsky rn) but others aren’t!!! one classic i absolutely adore is the stranger by albert camus, idk if you’re interested in existentialism but!!! the writing is very pretty :3

anyway anyway…. FELLOW CAT PERSONNNN i knew i could trust you!!!! and you have ragdolls!!! 🥺🥺 my current housemate has four of them LMAO and they all look like gojo ngl …. act like him too……. this little guy just follows me around n sleeps in my lap and yaps <33333

BUT YES i think you’d really love the travelling cat chronicles!!!! i read it so quickly bc it’s just. so lovely!!!! and pretty!!!!! and cute n sweet :(((( i love it lots!!!!! but it made me sob so much… so pls make sure you have tissues close by if you read it……

ANDDDD again 🥺🥺🥺 thank you sooooo much for being so sweet …. you rlly are too kind!!!!! i’m so happy you like my geto, i loveloveloveee yours too <33333 AND . YES. i cry over stsg all the time too…. sniffle……. they’re soulmates both platonically and romantically imo :’3 they just . belong together no matter what!!!!!! wish they weren’t so doomed by the narrative tho…..

THANK YOU SO MUCHHH FOR CHATTING W ME SWEETIE <33333 i hope you’re doing soso well!!!!! and i rlly am sorry abt how long you’ve had to wait for this response 😭😭 my brain has Not been braining correctly recently. but i adore you sb 🥺

#AND GAHHHHHH THE GUITARIST!SUGU ART…….. i’m gnawing at his forearms PHEWWW #he’s the world….. the movement……….#hehe ily uki <33333 cant wait to dig into your masterlist soon!!!!!#rn im working on answering asks and then i think im gonna have a go at my tbr :33 #im sending you lots of good vibes!!!! always!!!!!#ask tag ✩#uki !! ✩

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thranduel · 2 years

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i know a lot of us make jokes that we’re “delusional” and sure, sometimes we might reach a little bit, but for the most part we’re just able to understand basic character analysis and understand which relationships work better and which don’t. it’s very simple and i actually think it’s wonderful that we’re able to notice and discuss these things instead of just taking what gets shoved in our faces and accepting it without question… like fiction is there to be analysed and that’s what makes it so much more meaningful and entertaining. looking deeper into the subtext and how characters behave and finding parallels in previous seasons… that’s what we’re supposed to do.

i also feel like people need to understand that just because something is canon doesn’t necessarily mean it’s better. sometimes the writers make decisions that just simply… aren’t good. just look at how they messed up game of thrones season 7 and 8 and how so many character arcs were rushed and destroyed. being an official writer on the show doesn’t always mean the writing is going to be the best. i’ve seen many shows where fans actually made better theories that made much more sense than what we actually got. but anyways, with mike and will, i don’t even think people have to analyse that much to be able to see that they have the closest and most genuine relationship on the show. anyone that pays attention just knows that they’re different to everyone else and they’re actually be able to be themselves around each other. the show has also focused on their relationship differently than all the other platonic relationships which suggests that there’s something more going on, and i’m not just talking about will being in love with mike (which is already confirmed), but i think mike could also reciprocate those feelings. in season 1 and 2, mike actually initiates most of their moments together and goes to will first. he has always treated will differently to everyone else and it’s obvious.

they’re two wonderful characters (i mean, mike hasn’t been the best recently but i guess we can blame the writers for that since he feels so out of character) and it’s no surprise that people are rooting for them to be in a relationship, especially when you know that they can only be themselves around each other and they’re so genuine. i talk about why their relationship is the best for so many reasons here and it also explains why so many people find comfort in them (and yes, it would be really nice and important to have a healthy queer ship represented too!). they have a relationship that so many of us would’ve loved to experience but never could. it’s not often that you get to have a childhood best friend (your first friend in fact) become your partner as you grow older. it’s always been one of my favourite tropes and i love slowburn and how the people in the relationship don’t realise how in love they are until they’re older. it’s even more fun when there’s angst in between and you think they won’t end up together but then they always end up making their way back to each other because that’s what soulmates do. i don’t know, i just think they have so much potential with byler here and after seeing season 4 and mike’s awkward behaviour towards will + the writing that contradicted things in the past and made absolutely no sense, i think byler is the only thing that’ll work at this point. there’s literally no explanation for some of the stuff we saw this season and mike’s monologue/love confession was full of lies and exaggeration, and if you go back and watch earlier seasons, you’ll know. not to mention, it was a direct response to will’s monologue/love confession which makes it clear that mike was actually responding to will’s feelings, just disguised as el. basically the whole thing is messy unless they clear it up and make byler canon lol

#byler #will byers #mike wheeler #stranger things

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bewilclerment · 1 year

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how are you feeling about tedbecca because i’m panickinggggggg. on one hand i keep being hopeful and on the other i think i’m delusional. but the show has given us sooo many hints towards that and has differentiated ted and rebecca relationship from every other platonic one for what? if not romantic. having 5 episodes left is making me insane because on one hand they managed to create chemistry between rebecca and dutch man within one episode and tedbecca has been hinted at since the beginning so they should be able to pull it off? i am trying to not be delusional about this and i genuinely cannot see tedbecca not being romantic making sense given all that they’ve shown us. if they were to be just platonic the constant focus on the intricacies of their relationship would be useless? inconsequential? and like this show is too well written and intentional for that.

I just watched the episode! No tedbecca moments… i really don’t know how many believes i have left in me😅 the red string of fate bit really excited me though. We’ve been talking about it in relation to tedbecca and soulmatism since season 1 and this is making me think the writers really know what’s going on in the fandom (also, I definitely noticed both ted and rebecca wearing red this episode!). With 5 episodes left we’re gearing up towards the last act of the season. I’m trying to be hopeful so I think they’ll finally focus on them soon (especially since in the rebecca/keeley restaurant scene rebecca was playing with her knot [lasso?] ring when talking about dutch man). Also rebecca was barely in this episode which makes me think her next arc will be with ted and now she’s in-between storylines. The show still has several arcs it needs to close, such as colin’s and roykeeley’s and more! And it’s all very romantic… we also desperately need to win games again.

The thing about this show is if tedbecca is endgame it truly is such a beautiful and complex love story so i’m really hoping they don’t fuck it up and not take the plunge. Everything in this show is intentional, there are no throwaway lines or moments. Have faith, anon.

#I would’ve liked to have more time with them but better this than nothing #we are not delusional we are soooo normal ahhahah #if not endgame why mention red string of fate and soulmates?#theyve mentioned soulmates a whole lot this season!#🤞🏼#ted lasso #rebecca welton #tedbecca #ted lasso spoilers #asks #my posts

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babiebom · 22 days

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Ranking the relationships in my fics

A/N: I have so many requests right now and no time to do them and I’m kinda burnt out on the one I’m doing so here’s something easy for right now :) both platonic and romantic as long as it’s a main relationship also half of these Fics have been either deleted or never posted but might be in the future!! I will include links to those posted :)

Tw:some nsfw? Some cursing, some angst, mentions of murder and suicide mentions of abuse (physical mental verbal) lmk if I should tag anything else!!

Bc at least 4 for each pairing

Misc Masterlist

1) Denali x Naomi (Escape the Fog)

From a deleted fic that I am currently rewriting its a dead by daylight fic with two original main characters

The reason this is number one is because out of all of the relationships this is the one that is strictly platonic

Like yeah romantic relationships aren’t bad but

Out of all the relationships this one is the most demanding and pure

I mean not to spoil but Naomi is literally taken to the Entity’s realm and Denali is taken there simply because her need to find her friend is so strong!!!!

Like she doesn’t care that she’s being killed every single day

She’s just happy that she’s found her friend that went missing

And loves her friend so much that she’s willing to be permakilled to get her back home

2) Sebastian x Reader (When You Fall)

From When You Fall which is a Stardew Valley fanfiction

The least toxic out of the romantic relationships

And by least toxic I don’t think they’re toxic at all

Like even if there’s a little angst (there’s gonna be a little angst btw) they’re a strong couple

Actually makes each other better rather than making each other worse.

They love each other for who they are including all of their flaws and they would be number one if Denali and Naomi didn’t have a relationship that goes above and beyond.

Like what kind of person would help you through your depression?

A person that loves you that’s who.

Like 80 years from now the two will be old and grey and still acting as if they’re in the honeymoon phase

3) Eden x Eleventh Doctor (The Garden of Eden)

From an unpublished Doctor who fanfiction that I am in the process of writing

Here is where we’re getting into the ohhhh this relationship is kinda toxic really

And it’s a shame they’re number THREE on the list lmao what does that say about my writing?

They are constantly arguing (90 percent not in a serious way)

And Eden sort of sees the Doctor as a God due to how they met which puts him on a pedestal

BUT the relationship doesn’t start off romantic which I think is healthy for them

And they are both fiercely protective of one another due to how long she’s spent traveling with him

So while she does see him as a God it isn’t in a very obvious or serious way unless you can see inside of her head as she doesn’t treat him as such at all.

Also a very goofy relationship overall

4) Grace x Seth Clearwater (unnamed fic)

It’s an unwritten and unnamed Twilight Fic that I might post when I’m done with the whole thing lmao

The only reason they’re number four is that I think that him imprinting on her is taking away his choice

Like yes they would probably still end up together regardless of if he had the ability to imprint or not because they’re soulmates

But him having the trait does take away the ability to actually choose

Like it’s literally a one look and that’s it thing. It forces you to live someone platonically or not so he doesn’t have a say in the matter

BUT the two do genuinely love each other so so so much that after their angst is done they’re inseparable

Which again sorta toxic when it’s a codependent relationship but they actually RARELY argue

Seth is actually so sweet that again after the angst is done they might have an argument once every like 5 years.

5)Quinn x Spencer Reid (Baby Blue)

From my Criminal minds fic that is currently posted on ao3 that I am debating on posting here.

Actually they argue so often

If he hadn’t have gotten her pregnant in a one night stand they would have still met and would have a love hate relationship

Like without the baby they would be an enemies to lovers trope but instead he immediately and accidentally got her pregnant so now they’re stuck with each other

Do genuinely love each other and after they finally figure out that they have feelings for each other everything calms down

But with her being pregnant and them not being in a relationship and then the jealousy and miscommunication everything is just toxic

Like could they tell each other that they accidentally fell in love with the other and they wanna try to have a relationship?

Yes.

Will they?

No.

But again after the drama they’re actually a very affectionate couple that manages to keep their passion into their old age

6) Ashanti x Cárter Walsh-Kim (unnamed fic)

From my deleted twilight fic

While he isn’t a main main character he serves to be the Jacob of the plot but they actually date and he doesn’t force himself on her or fall in love with her future child :)

They’re a healthy college age couple?

Kinda boring but not toxic at all until Emmett enters the mix

They’re stable and comfortable and honestly would be endgame if it wasn’t for Emmett

She loved him and he loved her not much else to say. They’re low because they break up lmao

7) Ashanti x Emmett Cullen (unnamed fic)

From the same deleted fic as above I might rewrite and repost

toxic because they can’t figure out if they wanna be together or not

Like actually they have a really good relationship when they’re not arguing and he’s being a wannabe Edward with his angst

Like when they’re not fighting a great comedic duo

And he’s her biggest supporter and she’s his.

And while I know I just compared him to Edward they don’t have the whole turn me I don’t wanna turn you drama like it’s a very easy discussion and decision

He’s literally just hung up on Rosalie and that’s where the drama comes from

And the arguing kinda makes some of his old human traits reappear

8) Fawn x Johnny Slaughter (Accidental Prey)

A Texas chainsaw massacre fanfiction that isn’t finished

Would be lower because he’s actually a murder and is keeping her hostage????????????

Like he’s forcing her to live with his murderous cannibalistic family

And he kinda abusive

But he’s genuinely in love with her (more like obsessed)

And hes the only reason that she’s alive

I can’t spoil the end but dude LOVES her more than Johnny in my other fanfics loves their partner more than just being possessive and obsessive

9) Bucky Barnes x Reader (Mr.Right)

From a deleted marvel fic that I haven’t finished and probably won’t until I get the urge

These two just absolutely JUMPED into a relationship without thinking about it

And tbh idk if they’ll last or not but they do currently love each other

It’s super middle/high school vibes but they do have a good relationship

He’s an assassin though

And has gotten them almost killed

And has taught them how to murder people

And is actually kinda a fucked up guy AND relationship because they kinda lose their mind.

10) Evangeline x Danny Johnson (Between a Rock and a Hard Place)

My dead by daylight x Texas chainsaw massacre fic that only has like a single chapter posted

Is higher than Johnny because he isn’t physically abusive like Johnny is

But still low because he’s actually insane

Is a serial killer but isn’t a cannibal

Is obsessed with her and probably wouldn’t kill her

Loves her I guess if obsession counts lmao

Is willing to take care and love a child that isn’t his if she chooses him

11) Evangeline x Johnny Slaughter (Between a Rock and a Hard Place)

From the same fic as above

Physically, Emotionally, and Verbally abusive

And while you’re thinking IM HOW IS HE NOT LAST

He did leave his family to go find her and does somehow love her that he hasn’t murdered her yet

And even though he threatens to kill her he never actually would unless he has a breakdown and kills her and himself

12) Corinne x Johnny Slaughter (unnamed fic)

From an unnamed unfinished unpublished Texas chainsaw massacre fic that will be posted when I’m done with all three chapters

Actually one of the WORST relationships and probably should be last

But the reason why it isn’t is because Corinne is no longer stuck with him

He physically, verbally, and emotionally abused her

Forced her to kill their child because the police were close to catching them and a child would slow them down

Constantly cheated on her with victims after he kidnapped her and forced her to live with him and his family

He doesn’t really love her (he thinks he does) he really just sees her as a possession.

13) Peter Parker x Reader (the Beauty of You)

A marvel fanfic that I deleted that is a You AU so Peter is in the role of Joe lmao

While he isn’t abusive he is VERY manipulative which is mentally abusive

Has murdered people to get to Reader

Has threatened to kill them

They’re lower than Corinne because Reader is stuck with him like until they die

Isolates them from literally everyone and uses his powers to keep them isolated and needing him

Loves them I guess lmao

14) Rasmodius x Reader (the Wizard and I)

From the stardew valley oneshot

Reader is also stuck with him for life

And this relationship is kinda romantic but the reader is being held hostage as some sort of slave

Like dude doesn’t actually love her just wants to keep his place

Like they’re literally his pet and is stuck like this

And unlike the other bad guys he literally has the ability to make them immortal

Like there’s no love at all, Reader is just possessed/enchanted to be okay with this.

Like their choice was no but this is still how they ended up unfortunately

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hawkinsp0st · 2 years

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logging off till later, so i’ll leave y’all with this: please discuss what you think we’re going to see in that van scene script/4x8 as a whole tomorrow, like, genuinely! i’m so curious to know what we are expecting or what everyone thinks !!!

• my fellow astrology byler and i did a lil astrology analysis of tomorrow’s date and we think whatever we get is going to be……subtle? @rainbow-roomies feel free to jump in if you want, bc i think u can describe it better than i can !! :-)

• my personal speculation is i think we will see something very similar to what we saw in 4x4—will’s pov of being in love with mike—except this time, possibly stronger on those beloved stage directions for will (eyes welling up etc), as the van scene is basically will’s love confession so ofc he’s going to be feeling emotional and lovey.

• for the rest of 4x8 or even during the van scene, i think it’s highly possible we’ll get some mike pov-ish where he’s missing el or really happy to see her or thinking of her fondly/lovingly. i just want to remind y’all that if that happens that doesn’t mean anything bad for byler !! i think elmike are like, platonic soulmates and i think mike is genuinely devastated that el was taken to NINA. also, it feels like this season is seen thru will’s pov, so if we see mike feeling truly “in love” w el that’s likely just the way will perceived it as our unreliable narrator (thank u @causeineedu for this concept it changed my life)

anyways pls reply or reblog with what u think, i wanna see what everyone has to say when i come back tonight/tomorrow morning before i get that script email 🥰

#idk idk PLS ATTACK THIS POST with ur theories and predictions ily!!!!!#this is just for fun!! like i said i don’t think we’ll get anything too major #but still that 4x4 script release was so much fun and i sense something like that again #maybe with some weird pro milkvan sprinkled in just bc they have scenes together in this one #but i think the passion w which will speaks about ‘el’s’ (his) love for mike will speak volumes and further confirm things for us #byler #teleplays

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veresk-is-back-at-it-again · 11 months

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sometimes im genuinely surprised at how many people . genuinely ship cal and merrin? ESPECIALLY in the second game?

like dont get me wrong people can ship whatever they want but the way fandom latched onto calmerrin as THE ship for cal is ... weird to me? especially since we have bode? because for me calmerrin dynamic kind of. falls apart. in the second game. long rant below

so for me calmerrin were not a. GOOD. ship in the first game. not because i didnt like their dynamic- i thought it was kind cute and they had potential to grow together- but mostly because i absolutely headcanon them as a gay/lesbian duo. i genuinely thought that they worked best as friends- platonic soulmates, who find comfort in each other not in a desperate, romantice fire way, but in a way you sought comfort from hot coals in the fireplace. they will warm you for a long time, despite never being a straight out fire. but even back then, i could see the appeal- they were both survivors, both forced to carry the weight of their cultures, trying to salvage what they can from the unforgiving empire. cal, despite the heartbreak and suffering was a hopeful, and optimistic person, while merrin needed someone to show that not everything was bitterness and anger.

but then the second game came. and the mantis team broke up (for reasons, and yeah, it does have a justification) and when merrin talked with cal (dont rememver if it was before or after the kiss) she said that they didn’t share that unique survivor bond. at some level, it makes sense- there WERE a lot of families that got torn apart by the empire. but for me, her words didnt make a sliver of sense- their bond wasnt that of orphans, their bond was that of (basically) the sole survivors of entire cultures- not just their family was killed, their very existence as a jedi and a nightsister was paradoxal. because they didn’t just have to live on- they had to rebuild, scrap by scrap, inch by a blood-earned inch their cultures. thousands of years of traditions, language, practices. and then merrin tells cal that- that it wasnt unique? that their bond was no more than that of orphans? it didnt sit right with me.

and of course, cal changed. cal isnt nearly as hopeful- he still hopes, of course, but he became hardened, more bitter and anxious (and it probably has to do with him losing his third family. like. seriously. my man has at this point a very much worsening cocktail of survivors guilt, ptsd, attachment issues and lord knows what else). merrin is older now, she is more experienced, but she didnt really... change, i think. maybe she is more optimistic, though we didnt see it properly.

also can i say something, since we’re all here anyway? why the fuck was greez the only one to hug that kid when meeting cal after all this time? genuinely. like, what is up with that? cere and merrin barely pat his shoulder. would it kill them to give cal a hug? this is why greez is my favorite, his love isnt carefully contained and hidden.

back on track. so in the first part, we had this wonderful mix- cal would be the bright-eyes, optimistic counterpart to merrins guarded, and cautious presence. but in this game the only way i see them having a similar bond is merrin helping cal to fight the darkness which is... okay, i guess. but there is no back and forth. i dont see how they could make each other better people. i dont see how they could work as anything but platonic soulmates. to me, cal doesnt want merrin- he doesnt truly want her as his romantic partner. he wants people to stop leaving him.

this is probably very messy and maybe doesnt make sense, but cut me some slack, i am barely functional on my best days.

#jedi fallen order #jedi survivor #star wars #star wars jedi survivor #long rant #istg people at this point ship calmerrin bc they want their mc to have a goth gf

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hockeyboysimagines · 1 year

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Say it to me softly

Deleted Scenes

By popular demand! Here it is. I had an overwhelming amount of material for Nolan, which is why most of this got left out. If you haven’t read Say it to me softly, Guess I always knew, and I am falling, say my name please do so before you read this.

As always reasons for exclusion are in Pink.

Enjoy🤍🤍🤍

I had this written as kind of a heart to heart between her and a Travis but it really didn’t fit anywhere with the bulk of the first chapters. So I left it out.

“You know….” Travis said eyeing Sawyer over his menu “You make Pat nervous.”

“Huh?”

He rolled his eyes more dramatically than necessary and made a face at her “Stop. Just stop.”

“Trav we’re friends I-“

“Admitting it is the first step to a 12 step program. It’s just us now. Tell me the truth.”

“What truth?”

“Oh you guys.” He said with a wave of his hand “If we can all see how you feel about each other I’m not really sure why you guys yourselves can’t. It’s silly.”

“Nolan is my friend Trav.”

“Nolan is your soulmate you mean.”

“I never knew you were so sentimental.”

“I’m sentimental as fuck.”

Sawyer rolled her eyes and waved him off “Nolan is my best friend Trav. And besides he has never, not once shown any interest in me.”

“Or maybe he has and you just never noticed.”

Sawyer was quiet for a moment before she spoke “You know, in highschool there was a lot of speculation about us, but neither of us ever crossed the line. As far as dating went, I didn’t and Nolan kept that part of his life away from me really. I don’t think he feels that way about me.”

“Pat loves you.”

“He does, but loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things Trav.”

“Okay, your right, but can’t someone feel both of those?”

She opened her mouth and then closed it. He was right, and if she wasn’t so deadest that Nolan was her best friend and nothing more she might have entertained the idea. But knowing that he’d been there for most of her life and never alluded to any sort of romantics feelings countered that.

“I’m just saying. Don’t be so sure of Pat’s feelings unless it comes from Pat himself.”

***********

Again this just didn’t fit anywhere. And it felt repetitive at that point because we all knew knew this information already.

Sawyer spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about what Travis had said.

She’d thought about it on the drive home, and while she cleaned, and folded laundry and now as she was getting ready for bed.

She’d gone over every aspect of her life with Nolan, wondering if she’d missed the signs or maybe misinterpreted them. The more she thought about things, the more she strayed question if Travis was on to something that she wasn’t.

She thought about high school, and how Nolan would blow off the guys on the team to hang with her, how he always wanted her at his games and how he was always quick to offer to drive her home or stay over. She’d always thought it was just a best friend things to do, but now she was wondering if it was more than that.

The idea that Nolan had been sending her signs for years hurt a little. Was she dumb? In denial? Afraid?

Definitely afraid. She’d lost a huge part of her life with the death of her sister, and the thought of losing Nolan had terrified her. That was the only reason she could come up with for why things stayed platonic.

But there was something else.

A memory that was there, but fuzzy. She couldn’t quite put her finger on what it was, but it was there floating around, like a foggy window she couldn’t see through. But it gave her the strangest feeling, like a large piece of this puzzle that was Nolan was missing.

She laid in bed and closed her eyes.

She’d begun to feel, feelings for Nolan that she shouldn’t have. This was the exact thing she was most afraid of, that she would catch feelings that weren’t reciprocated. The only thing she could do was bury them.

And that’s what she would do.

*********

I genuinely forgot I wrote this part, and it makes me sad because I wish I had included it. Sometimes, because I have so much written I forget that I have certain parts. I was extremely unorganized, which I am working on so I have bits and pieces of writing everywhere.

“Hey Nolan, can I ask you something?”

Nolan was at Travis’s, who was in the shower, leaving him sitting in a comfortable silence with Nash.

“I guess.”

“You have feelings for Sawyer.”

Nolan swallowed thickly “That wasn’t a question.”

“Okay. Do you have feelings for Sawyer?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

Nolan glanced at her sideways to find her leaned forward into his space, eyes squinted. He leaned backwards, getting as far away from her as he could, two spots of pink appearing in his cheeks.

“So when are you gonna tell her?”

“Tell her what?” He asked, moving even further away from her. He took several deep breaths in an attempt to settle the blush on his face. Libby Sawyer and Joel would be arriving any minute, and then the other guys from the team for a get together.

“Oh please. I’ve known you long enough to know that she isn’t just your best friend. Travis might be dumb. But I’m not.”

He could hear the ruckus of people coming down the hall and swatted Nash away “Look can we just drop this.”

“For now.”

Sawyer herself came in the door behind Joel and Nolan looked at Nash.

“Your not gonna say anything to her are you?”

Nash swiveled her eyes back and forth and cracked an evil grin “Only if it comes up.” She bounced off the sofa as Nolan made to grab her.

“Nash!” He whispered harshly.

He followed her around the corner and came face to face with Sawyer, who looked up and smiled.

“Oh. Hey.” Nolan said giving her a small smile. He rubbed the back of his neck.

It was going to be a long afternoon.

***********

This is from Guess I always knew, but for whatever reason Tumblr limited me on how much I was allowed to post. So I had to take a lot out because I didn’t really wanna make it two parts ya know?

“Are you going to prom?” Sawyer asked as they did homework.

“No.”

“Why?”

He glanced up “Prom? Do I look like a guy who wants to go to prom? Why?”

“I don’t know…I mean it might be fun.”

“I’m not a big dance guy, you can go but I’m not.”

She shrugged and looked back at her homework frowning a little “Nah. I’ll just do something else I guess.”

Nolan rolled his eyes and tipped his head back, holding his hands up “Fuck. Alright fine. I’ll go.”

She smiled broadly at him and went back to her homework.

“But if my mom makes me cut my hair, it’s all your fault.”

“I think I can live with that.”

***********

Again this had to be taken out because tumblr wouldn’t let me post.

“Wait so you guys are going to prom together…but not together?” Chase phrased the last part as a question and turned to look at him.

“Yes.”

“That doesn’t make sense…but do you bro.”

“I mean I guess we aren’t…are we?”

“Sounds like you are.”

“But we just are going as friends I think.”

“Here we with the friend act again.” Bo mumbled.

“Don’t start.” Nolan said pointing menacingly at him.

“Well I hope you have fun with your non-date prom date thing. Whatever that means.”

************

Please see reason above, though I considered putting this in, instead of the scene where they go to Sawyer’s and she’s in a bikini.

“So what’s up with that girl your always hanging around with?”

Chad, the new guy, seemed nice enough. He was friendly, and fit pretty much seamlessly into the team. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to come in and stir up trouble, so his question caught Nolan off guard.

“What?”

“That girl. The hot one.”

The air in the locker room seemed to freeze as every head turned towards Nolan. He felt his cheeks heat up, and a scowl settle on his face. Chad turned around to look at the rest of the group and frowned.

“Is she your girlfriend or something?”

“She’s my best friend, and she’s off limits.”

“So she’s not your girlfriend?”

“No but I-“

“So I can ask her out?”

Chase was wide eyed, a nervous smile spread across his face as he looked between them.

“I-“ Nolan sputtered for a minute, scowl deepening. He barely knew the guy, but he wanted to punch him square in the face more than anything g at that moment “She’ll never say yes.”

“I can be pretty convincing.” Chad winked and turned back to his stall.

Nolan’s face felt like it was on fire, and he knew it was red. Heat was creeping down his neck and he was so irrationally angry he felt like he was going to explode. Chase bumped his shoulder and spoke lowly.

“Relax buddy. You know she’s not gonna say yes.”

“That’s not-“

“I know it’s not the point but think about it this way. He’ll ask, she’ll say no and then we can make fun of him forever for being a loser. This is a win win for everyone.”

Which is why Nolan found himself at her house hours later.

“Are you okay?” She asked as he walked past her and stood in the middle of her bedroom, hands in his pockets.

“Did the new guy ask you out today?”

She shook her head “No? Should I know what your talking about?”

“The new guy on my team. He said he was going to ask you out. Did he?”

“No he didn’t.”

“And when he does. Are you gonna say yes?”

“Do you want me to say no?”

“You would do that…just because I asked you…to?”

“If you really felt uncomfortable with it I would.”

“Why?”

“Because I care about you and your opinion, and if you don’t want me to go out with someone then I won’t.”

He was dumbfounded, and then sad. How many times had he held her back? How many times had he stopped her from moving forward because he didn’t want to see her date anyone? He couldn’t do it her whole life.

“You-you can if you want to, I have to go.” He brushed past her and left her house.

And the next day, when Chad came into practice with a sour look on his face and mumbled “She said no.” Nolan, though he still felt bad, couldn’t stop the smile from coming to his face.

************

Gala Night part 1. There was already a lot happening in those chapters that was more important then this exchange I felt.

“Are you sure I look alright?” Sawyer asked from the passenger seat. She looked uncomfortable and was looking at Nolan for approval.

“Would I lie to you?”

“Well that depends.”

“On what?”

“On if you thought the truth was going to hurt my feelings or not.”

He half turned and pursed his lips “Okay that’s true. But I’m not lying about this. You look amazing.” He said softly.

Sawyer smiled and looked out the window.

“Thanks for bringing me along.”

“Who else would I bring?”

“I figured you’d ask Travis or something.”

Nolan rolled his eyes but chuckled “He wishes. As tempting as that would be, he probably wouldn’t go with anyone except Nash.”

“What’s going on with them anyway?”

Nolan glanced at her, and when he didn’t say anything she continued “Come on. It’s obvious he has feelings for her. I haven’t even been here that long and I noticed.”

“Tell me something I don’t know. I think he’s just afraid maybe she doesn’t feel the same. And-“ Nolan chose his words carefully “And he doesn’t want to mess up a close friendship you know?”

“Hmmm. Maybe. But will he ever know if she feels the same if he doesn’t ask?”

“I guess you’re right. But maybe he’s too scared to risk things if she doesn’t.”

Sawyer didn’t say anything else for the remainder of the ride, and seemed preoccupied till he parked the car.

“Ready?” He asked shutting the engine off, and turning to her.

“What? Oh yeah. Ready.”

There was no confirmation between that and this sort, but I’ll add it for you guys to read.

“Woooooow.” Carter said walking around Sawyer in a slow circle “You look hot.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled “Really?”

“Yes. I’m surprised you guys even made it here.”

“Carter!” She scolded him, swatting his arm.

“Don’t ‘Carter’ me. You guys are sooo gonna bang.”

Sawyer felt her face get red and grabbed a glass of champagne off the tray of a passing waiter, and slugged it in one gulp.

“Gosh it’s hot in here.”

************

I don’t really know why this wasn’t included. I just didn’t put it in lol.

Sawyer was laying in bed thinking about the events of the evening. Travis was sleeping on her sofa in the next room, and Nolan was sleep next to her in bed. The only thing she could hear was his breathing and him moving occasionally.

She felt him jolt next to her and turn over in his sleep, and one large arm came to rest around her. She froze as she felt Nolan move closer to her, warm breath against her neck.

It would be so easy for her to roll over, face him and kiss him, but she was glued to the bed and felt like she couldn’t move or breathe. His hand was near her hip, fingers just barely brushing the sliver of skin where her shirt had ridden up.

Her feelings for Nolan were too large to ignore now, and she wondered if this was how Travis felt. He moved his hand eventually a while later, and she drifted off into a very uneasy sleep.

***********

Again, this just didn’t fit. I liked this part though. Wish I’d included it somehow.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Sawyer turned to him from where she was sitting and painting her toenails “Depends on what it’s about.”

“Why didn’t we date in high school?”

She frowned “Because this wasn’t a thing then remember?”

“Oh wasn’t it?” He smiled a little and set his phone down “I mean I would’ve date you in a second.”

“So what stopped you?”

“I didn’t think you would’ve said yes. Things were complicated back then.”

“I would have.”

“You-what?”

She laughed and shook her head “Nolan. Wasn’t it obvious?”

“Not to me. I had no idea.”

“When you left to come here, it was the worst day of my life. And that night I went home and I cried myself to sleep, and I felt like you…I felt like you died or something. And I decided that I would bury my feelings because you would probably meet someone here and if I feel that way about you, it would crush me to see you with someone else.”

“That wouldn’t have happened anyways. I thought about you pretty much every single day I was here. And I talked about you all the time, so much in fact that Travis thought you were my imaginary friend.” He laughed “But I know what you mean. I felt that way too. Like the day I left Winnipeg you’d find someone.”

“Boys never bothered with me. You know that.”

“Yeah because I was there. But I was gone and I’m not going to lie I was really relieved when I came home and you were still single. I was gonna make a move that summer but….”

“But what?”

“I just couldn’t do it.”

“You dork.”

“I remember it so well.”

Nolan was sitting on a chair watching Sawyer talk with Jessie. They’d spent the day at the lake with their friends, and it was dark now, a large bonfire burned brightly against the black of the beach. She looked so good, her hair was hanging loose and she had sunburn across her shoulders but he couldn’t remember a time she looked better.

“Hey creepy take her picture it’ll last longer.” Chase said from his other side. Nolan didn’t look away though. Chase knew how he felt and he wasn’t embarrassed.

“Just tell her dude. For crying out loud she probably already knows.”

“Just tell her.” Nolan scoffed.

“Why not? She doesn’t have a boyfriend. I don’t even think she knows what boys are besides you.”

“She hasn’t dated anyone?”

“No man. If she’s not hanging out with Jessie she’s hanging out with me, and we spend 90% of the time talking about you.”

“Really?”

“Yes really. So you expect me to believe that she doesn’t feel the same way. I never said I was smart but I’m not dumb either. So tell me the truth. Did something happen between you guys before you left?”

Nolan wanted to tell him about the kiss. Both of them. But when he opened his mouth to speak nothing came out.

“I fucking KNEW it.”

Nolan rolled his eyes “There’s nothing to know. It was one kiss that’s it.”

“And you didn’t tell me? When?”

“The night before I left but it wasn’t a big thing-“

“Dude that’s a huge thing. I can’t believe you kissed her and I’m just finding out now. That’s the only time?”

Nolan looked at his hands “Yes….”

“It happened more than once?!?!”

“Shhhh!” Nolan said kicking at the leg of his chair “Yeah fine it happened more than once. Twice-well three times almost but I-“

��And that wasn’t a clue that she likes you? Not even a little one?”

“I guess. But she’s still my best friend and I don’t want to complicate things between us.

“Hate to break it to you buddy, but it’s already complicated.”

************

This was after the big fist fight. I forgot I wrote this and when I went to add it later I kind of felt like I didn’t need it, but now I wish I had put it in.

“Are you still mad?” Travis asked as she set down her stuff. He was standing awkwardly in her doorway unsure if he was welcome inside. Nash frowned.

“Yeah I am. But I’m not mad for me, I’m mad for Sawyer.”

“And you have-“

“I’m talking.” She said holding a hand up to silence him “You know I went through some real shit Travis. I was fucking cheated on, given an std and had my life pulled apart. I was replaced by girls just like that one. Do you have any idea how Sawyer feels right now? To know that while she was at home not dating because of Nolan, he was out here hooking up with girls?”

“But he didn’t know Nash. It’s not like he knew how she felt and did it anyway.”

“It doesn’t matter Travis. Sawyer didn’t date because of Nolan. Ask him yourself. He had every opportunity to move past being friends with her and chose not to. He was allowed to have girlfriends and hookups but gave her a hard time every time she got any male attention? How is that right?”

“Okay. Your right. It’s not right and he shouldn’t have done that. But that night with Sarah….” He trailed off and sat down heavily at the table “He was so messed up that night.”

“You were there?”

Travis nodded and tan a hand across the table “Yeah. It was one of the first times I’d really heard about Sawyer. He just really missed her and he was going through it and Sarah just happened to be there at the wrong time. He felt horrible Nash, and he made me promise not to tell anyone. I kind of just forgot about it.”

“How many others are there?”

“I don’t know honestly. Really I don’t. But that’s not my business.”

“Maybe not. But Sawyer is my friend, and she’s hurting.”

“Pat will fix it. He’s good at all that words and feeling shit. But are we okay?” He gestured between them.

“Yeah…We’re okay.”

He smiled widely and pushed the cheesecake at her “Good. Now crack that thing open.”

**************

Again after the fist fight. I think this was supposed to go in Chapter 8-9, but I took it out.

“So how are things?” Nash asked Nolan from her spot of the recliner.

“Okay I guess. Not as good as before, but it’ll get there.”

“Well that’s to be expected Nolan and I think you know that.”

“I do. It was my fault I just. I don’t know why I did it.” He looked at his legs and sighed.

“Do you think maybe you did it to try and get over her? Maybe subconsciously you thought it you had sex with some random girl it could get her off your mind?”

“Maybe. I never dreamed we’d be here though. Like her and i together. I mean I dreamed about it but I never thought it would happen.”

“Why though? I mean we all say it from day 1. Why couldn’t you?”

“Because I just didn’t think she saw me that way.”

“That’s silly and also a lie so try again.”

“Because-because-“

“Because you were afraid to face your true feelings because your a guy, so you friend zoned yourself, there fixed that for you.”

He scowled at her “No.”

“Yes. Please I live with Travis Konecny. Don’t try and tell me about the friend zone. He was stuck there so long he started receiving mail.”

**************

This would have been in Chapter 10, but tumblr was glitching and said the post was too long. So it had to go.

“Can I talk to you?” Nolan asked, beckoning Sawyer to sit next to him on the sofa.

She sat and frowned when he turned slowly to her “Is something wrong?”

“I just-I wanna make sure you still want this. Like us.”

“What? Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me Sawyer. With my head, my career, my life basically. And if you wanna get out now then I wouldn’t blame you.”

She leaned away from him and scoffed “Are you kidding me? You really think that after all this time, this is gonna be the thing that sends me running?”

“I don’t think that at all, but I’m giving you the chance the get out if you want.”

“Well I don’t want, and I’m not going anywhere. This is all gonna be fine. We’re gonna figure out a cure and you’ll be back in no time. We’ve been through way too much together to throw it in now.”

“I just don’t wanna drag you down.”

“Drag me-? Nolan. Look at me.” She held one of his hands and leaned down to look him in the eyes “I love you. I’ve always loved you, and that’s not going to change anytime soon. Especially not now, when you need me the most. If you recover and score 100 points a year for the rest of your career then I’ll love that. If you never play another game again, I’ll love that too. Because I love you. Not this sport, or the status or any of that. I loved you before you had this and I’ll love you long after.”

“And it doesn’t scare you? That I may never play again?”

“Of course. But if that happens then we’ll figure it out. Together.”

He sighed and leaned forward head coming to rest on her shoulder “Thank you. For everything.”

“Don’t thank me. That’s what Love is all about.”

I hope you enjoyed this, leave me some feedback besties🤍🤍🤍🤍

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twogyuu · 2 years

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SEVENTEEN AS MY UNI CLASSMATES

A/N: I should be studying, but my mind is fried and I’m getting bored. I’m in graduate/professional school (i.e. not college - I’m not going to specify what program I’m in specifically because I’m not comfortable sharing, thanks for understanding) and I think one of the biggest culture shocks to me was the fact that socially, not much has changed since high school LMAO. There’s still drama, tea, stereotypes, etc. despite all of us being “grown-ups.” Anyways, these past couple days I’ve been thinking about what Seventeen would be like as my classmates and decided to share it with you all.

This is just for shits and giggles - please don’t take it seriously, obviously I don’t know what they’re like IRL.

Enjoy - or don’t lol.

WC: ~720

Warnings: Food

HIPHOP UNIT

Seungcheol: A kind upperclassman who I would just see around - in the hallway, at the library, at a party, by the sink. We'd either be friends or not to talk to each other at all. There is no in between.

Wonwoo: The quiet guy who sits in the back row of the auditorium during lectures and just focuses on his schoolwork. He just goes to school here and trying to get his degree - no more, no less. If I know him, it's because we had a project together and we’re just cordial.

Mingyu: THAT guy who is genuinely nice, smart, hardworking, well-known, and well-loved by everyone. He probably hangs out with the guys who like to lift and go to bars on Thursdays, and the gals would be all up in his space because he’s so emotionally in-tune and easy to talk to. Truly, however, he’d only has a couple friends he’d consider close and dear. Despite the fact that he is (one of) my bias(es), you’d never catch me by his side - I don’t like attention there are already too many people tryna pry and be a part of his life since he just radiates good vibes all around. I’d be admiring from afar lol.

Vernon: HE IS A VIBE 🤩 MY PLATONIC SOULMATE! MY BFFL! We’d both be so aloof to the social climate at this school because we just want a peaceful school year and want NO part of the drama 😭 Catch us studying in the back corner, laughing at our own inside jokes. People watching is our hobby. During our free time we’d literally just be wandering the streets of university looking for cool restaurants/stores, maybe vibing to music, though our tastes would differ much here.

PERFORMANCE UNIT

Soonyoung: Low-key, I could see us being good friends too 🤔 We’d bond over dance (yeah I dance 😳 - not well though LOL), the fact that we’re both technologically challenged, are a little slow to understand abstract concepts, and get distracted easily, but somehow, we make it by 😂 Also, outside of GoSe, he seems like a chill and quiet guy (he’s an INFP I think?), just opting to hang out at home, go on walks, watch TV, etc. I could do this - I’m not big on going out, though I’m not opposed to trying once in a blue moon.

Jun: There are 3 possibilities: 1) He’d be like Mingyu, 2) He’d be sweet and friendly, but keeps to himself, only letting a few people into his life, or 3) His inner Gemini will come out and he’d be kind, but just utter chaos - we’d never get group projects done.

Minghao: A deep thinker, asks really good questions in class because he’s genuinely intrigued. I would just be in awe of him and his calm demeanor. #GOALS

Chan: Low-key, I feel like he’d be a milder version of Mingyu 🤔, in that he’d just be less extroverted? No one has anything bad to say about him. He’s CONFIDENT and he knows he’s good, but doesn’t feel the need to flaunt it. His actions speak for themselves. There is a slight chance we might be friends, but emphasis on the slight - less than 1%.

VOCAL UNIT

Jihoon: Similar to Wonwoo who just minds his own business, except for some reason, I would feel the urge to bother him and try to befriend him. He’d end up being so annoyed by me - that love-hate friendship where we lovingly throw shade at each other.

Jeonghan: A school friend. Treats university like a 9 - 5 job. You will not catch him hanging out in the café in front of the lecture hall before class nor will he not stay after class to chat with you. Man’s gotta beat traffic.

Joshua: Polite and “professional” nice (if that makes any sense), but you’ll never know what he really thinks about anyone 👀 Because of this, I would have a hard time trusting him and being his friend tbh 😭

Seokmin: He’d be that guy who’s genuinely kind to everyone and has no bad intentions 😭💔 Even if he doesn’t know you that well, he’ll strike up a conversation with you if he sees you sitting by yourself. It’d flow so smoothly and easily. He somehow remembers that you have a cat or you went to get your hair done last Thursday. You’d just leave with very good vibes 🥺

Seungkwan: By default because he’s so attached to Vernon, we’d also end up being friends. Even though he has no part in it, he’d know all the tea amongst our classmates and keep us updated. We would bicker frequently (lovingly ofc), maybe throw hands in the parking lot behind the university stadium on our way home because he told me it was disgusting to have pineapple on my pizza.

. . . .

Feel free to share your thoughts, if you agree/disagree, have a totally POV of certain members - I would love to hear it!

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littleoldpessimistme · 1 year

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20230525

One of the hardest things for me that I have struggled my whole life with and probably will for a long time is loneliness and I’m fine with that fact most of the time, but lately it’s been on my mind a lot.

This sounds really lame and pitiful but the thing is: I’m not alone. I have friends, wonderful ones, and I’m also pretty close with my family (at least my dad’s side, haven’t really talked to my mother in the last 6 years) so I do have people in my corner.

But sometimes I just get this overwhelming feeling of sadness and anxiety that this isn’t gonna last forever and I already sometimes feel like they don’t care as much about me as I care about them.

Basically I have this feeling that all my friends are eventually gonna find partners, settle down with them and start their own life and I’m not gonna be important to them anymore.

I have a wonderful friend. We’ve known each other since we were 10, we were classmates all through high school as well and also best friends. We had a short period when we didn’t talk as much because we used to have the same group of friends but it was kind of toxic (as groups of high school girls sometimes unfortunately are) so I started hanging out with other friends but this girl stayed in that group (we’ve had multiple conversations about this since then and they were actively ruining her life as well lol) so we just kind of stopped talking for a hot second. In the last year of high school we slowly started to talk to each other again and it turned out that she wanted to go to the same university as me and we decided to be roommates.

Two years have passed since then and I feel like we managed to form such a beautiful bond and although neither one of us is really one for displays of affection (we even joke about this sometimes, that we’ve known each other for more than half our lifetime and we’ve only ever hugged each other like a couple times) I really cherish her presence in my life. We just click so well, I don’t think we’ve ever had an argument since we moved in (and I feel like that’s a telling thing, because living together with someone comes with a lot of compromises and is a big milestone in any relationship it’s normal to have some bumps in the road). I sometimes think that I could live my whole life like this just existing in a shared little two bedroom apartment, watching movies on her bed, having deep converastions at midnight when we have to wake up early the next morning, going grocery shopping together, sitting in our tiny kitchen having dinner and laughing until we can’t breathe just like we always do.

I always hated those questions when they ask you to describe how you imagine yourself in five years because I genuinely don’t know what to say. I never had any sense of what I want from the limited time I get to experience on this earth. The only way I could ever imagine being content is to spend my whole life in my childhood bedroom surrounded by my books and blankets and just being left alone, because I’m so incredibly terrified of the responsibilites of adulthood and life and human interactions. But I feel like living with her the way we’re living right now would make me happy. I would go as far as to call her a platonic soulmate.

I know that sounds incredibly cheesy and domestic and honestly kinda like I’m in love with her, but I have no romantic feeling for her at all, it’s just that my platonic feelings are so deep, that they scare even me sometimes. Especially when they come with feelings of jealousy. She has a fiancé, they’re gonna get married next year if everything goes well and I’m truly happy for them. He’s a great guy, we used to be classmates as well, they’ve been dating since the start of high school and they are just so meant to be.

And I feel like such a terrible person for being jealous of him. He’s studying in a different city but every once in a while he visits us, and I see how they are with each other and it always leaves me with such a bitter feeling because I can clearly see that he is to her what she is to me. They are each other’s soulmates, and it’s so stupid but that hurts me so much, the fact that I’ll never be as much of a central person in her life as she is in mine. That I’m not her soulmate.

And I know that I’m being extremely childish and it’s not like people can’t have multiple people they care deeply about but I just feel like people favour romantic relationships way more than friendships and I don’t know if I’ll ever have a romantic partner because that’s just not really someting that I find all that appealing (I may or may not be on the aroace spectrum). I don’t want kisses and dates and lovey-dovey words and sex, I just want someone to be there for me all the time, like a super best friend, someone who also thinks about me as their soulmate, and not just the other way around.

And I know that my friends love me I just can’t help but feel overwhelmingly hopeless sometimes.

#aroace spectrum #asexual #aromantic #mental health struggles #kinda lonely #long post #vent #sideblog #d3pression #angst #can anybody find me somebody to be my platonic soulmate #afraid of being alone #i wrote this at midnight #possible typos #i should be sleeping #or studying for my exams #but instead i'm having an existential crisis #just a normal thursday night

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ambitioncunningpridemieczyslaw · 2 years

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25 fun and cute questions to brighten the spirits and get us through the holidays!

I was tagged by @halevetica who is literally such an angel and one of the best fanfic writers of all time!!!!!!!

Check them out on Ao3 cuz again they are one of the best and has never written a bad fic 💕

Hiya all! I’ve created this list as a reminder of happy memories and great times with our loved ones since I think we’re all feeling a tad blue this holiday season. Tagging my favourite blogs but all are welcome to answer :)

Best gift you’ve ever gotten: I would have to say the best gift I ever got came from my old high school ap lit teacher/theater director I was in the plays every year from 7th-12th grade and she got me a necklace with the drama faces on it along with a jewelry box that played at the beginning from Anastasia, which was the first song I ever sang with her on stage, when I graduated so yeah she gets the win everytime cuz she had me bawling like a baby at the final cast party we did

Nicest thing anyone’s ever done for you: I have 4 different friends who on 4 different occasions just bought me gifts not because of anything special or because they felt sorry over us fighting or something just they saw something and genuinely thought I would like it. I honestly just love receiving gifts that someone gets you out of the blue just because they simply think of you after seeing something and get it for you like it definitely means a lot to me that I'm the first person they thought of when getting those things

Your favourite holiday memory: Um... I honestly don't know if I have one, but something that I look back and think fondly of is when the one year my mom and I caroled with our church choir like I remember all the baking we did the day before in the church kitchen and it was a lot of us singing to Christmas songs that probably shouldn't be played in church lol and the caroling itself went well we gave out plates of cookies and caroled for any person who was on our prayer list at the time and seeing some of those people's faces like them seeing that people did care and that they weren't alone meant everything to me

Where you want to go first once we can travel again: New Zealand it's always looked so beautiful plus I mean that's where Lucy Lawless is from so it has to be amazing

Your spirit animal: I'm going to say a wolf just because I've always had this obsession with them since I was a kid

Your OTP: See I wanna say Sterek just because they're my favorite ship but I also like them in different pairings... I'm going to do a throwback shout out to Tyrus from Andi Mack cuz I can't handle seeing Tj and Cyrus with anyone but each other.

Tumblr pals you want to meet in real life: Literally anyone and everyone so I have more people to cuddle and binge shows with lol

Soulmates: real or fake: Imma say real like I do believe they're are souls who are cosmically linked together whether it be romantically or platonically I do think we all have that one person who we want to spend forever with

Favourite holiday food: those sugar cookies with the Reese Cups or Hershey Kisses in the center those are the shit tbh

What you wish you were doing right now: it's only 9:30 am so it's my chill in bed and contemplate life time lol but ig if there was something I wish I was doing rn it would be finishing the Sterek fic I'm reading rn

Your safe space/where or who you feel most at home with: My safe space would be while I was in school it was either the library or auditorium but now that I have an apartment that I share with my sister like I finally feel like I have a home to go to and genuinely want to be at so yeah my place is definitely my space but as for people I would say my sister and our two best friends

Favourite hobbies: Reading brings me joy lol which here are pictures I finally finished putting together my other book shelf the other day so if ya'll want to see here are some pictures. Definitely want more books though lol

Cooking or baking: Oh cooking for sure cuz I can't bake for shit 😅

Reading or writing: Reading

Gifsets or mood boards:

Coffee or tea: Coffee!!!!

City or suburbs: To visit city to stay suburbs

Someone who can always make you laugh: I would say my sister and our two friends we're always making each other laugh

Someone who always brightens your day: @crazyassmurdererwall just because anytime I'm having a bad day the fic I go to for comfort is Stuck In Reverse because it is literal perfection

Favourite day of the week: Whatever my day or days off are that week like how today is a glorious Tuesday cuz it's my only day off this week

Favourite animal: Wolves

Dream vacation spot: I mean I've been to the beach nearly every summer since I was a kid so I feel like renting out a nice cabin in the mountains somewhere would be dope af

Writer, artist, or creator(s) you want to see more of: @crazyassmurdererwall & @isthatbloodonhisshirt & @halevetica always 💕

Favourite movie, television show, and song: A Star Is Born (2018), Sex and the City, & You Don't Own Me by Lesley Gore

I tag @justkimberley @acercrea @charming-fan-girl @cinematicnomad only if ya'll want to of course & if I mentioned you and you see this and want to do this go for it!!!! Please tag me if you do and that goes for anyone who sees this I give you full permission to tag me so I can see all of your responses. Love you all!!! 💕💕💕

#tag game

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