#carmen.txt

[jovalencia]

remember when skam remakes would just pull hate crimes out of their ass those were the good ol days

#carmen.txt

[ink-fireplace-coffee]

"if you have time there's sth I want to talk to you about" texts should be illegal

thanks

#carmen.txt #not writing

[be-bi-do-crime]

i love it when infamously cold and heartless men that have people cowering in fear from a single glare fall in love and suddenly they’re smiling 24/7 and following their wives around hanging on their every word

#this post is about dongfang qingcang (lbfad) and hao du (long ballad) do not lose the plot #carmen.txt #love between fairy and devil #long ballad

[jovalencia]

pj bottoms

#carmen.txt #bottoms movie #I want people to see this one

[jovalencia]

biggest most exciting thing in my life just happened followed by the biggest tragedy dhmu

#by that I mean I bought something awesome then broke it #carmen.txt

[jovalencia]

delish

#that infinity train fanart I reblogged yesterday really inspired me #carmen.txt #yellowjackets

[jovalencia]

okay the conversation before I forget it.

we talked for two and a half hours and we walked three full laps around campus and for the first 3/4 of a lap we were just talking about our classes and what we've been up to and whatever the fuck. I mentioned something about my stomach hurting and not feeling super great and he was like "well it's probably your poor diet" then went on about how I shouldn't just eat the same three things and how I need a balanced diet and how I should "just eat more" and that I was malnourished and told me what I should have at each meal like. FUCK you like actually go to hell. when you Know I've had a lot of stomach problems and eating problems? go fuck yourself.

but that was a graceful lead in to me being like "yeah well my stomach also hurts because I was super nervous to talk to you" and he was like "oh?" and I was like "yeah did you really think we were gonna be able to just move on like none of this happened?" and he was like "no I guess not...." so I busted out my checklist of points to cover (yes I physically had the checklist pulled up for this conversation. sue me I had things to say) and each individual grievance are things I've posted about before so I don't need to rehash them all to you. but I will tell you his responses. because it was like 95% me talking I will admit. I led with the big thing I wanted to ask him, which was if he wanted to actually be friends with Me or if he wanted to stay my friend because he was holding onto some hope that I would become a better person that was easier for him to like and get along with. and naturally he didn't actually have an answer to this question. and when I asked if he didn't want to be my friend bc I was mean and it made him uncomfortable or because he wanted to change the way our friend group spent time together, he said that me being mean led to him wanting to change how we spent time together and the group dynamic which like. doesn't make much sense but whatever I didn't push.

I explained that I had resigned myself to no longer being his friend after he never replied to my apology text and that I was okay with that. he seemed like he was hurt by that but who's the one who didn't reply to my text. and that if we never talked again I would have been more upset I never got closure than upset that we weren't friends anymore. so I asked him if he even wanted to continue being my friend and he was like "I don't know..." so I did have to be the one to be like "we're both trying our best to be the best versions of ourselves and this friendship isn't working out, so i don’t really see how this could continue" and he asked me straight up if I wanted to be his friend still and I said no. I was Really proud of myself for getting up the nerve and just saying I didn't want to be his friend anymore. because my biggest fear coming into this is that I would pussy out of doing that. and I didn't!!!!

I brought up that he (and the others) said he cared about me a lot more than he actually showed it and he just didn't have a response to this boooooo👎

he talked about how he wishes we could go back to the good ol days of riverdale nights in the lounge and how that's just not possible with the newfound distance between us (I made a joke after he said distance where i said "yeah x miles haha" and he said "well yeah but i meant more emotional distance" like yeah buddy😐 I know.). and I had to break it to him for the third time so that he could hopefully get it through his thick skull that I was in fact not actually having a good time back in may! I was miserable! I wasn't sleeping or eating and it sucked! and I get those were his good ol days but I hope I got him to realize there never even Were any good ol days for me.

one of my Big Things I brought up that I really liked is I said that whenever I explained this story to people (my best friend my mom and clara (rip) namely), what was going on with him that they always said something to the tune of "when you find your people, it won't be like this" (a lot of people also said they hoped he died but I opted not to tell him that). and that's so true! when I find my people (I have already found some of them) it literally isn't like this! radio friend and my bestie and my mom and sister and all of you and those lifelong friends I mention when we see each other twice a year would never treat me like this!!!!

the things he Did apologize for when I brought them up to him: being dismissive of my sexuality (it was not that thorough of an apology he was like "wow yeah that sucks im sorry" without actually really owning up to it but whatever ig), being condescending (he really can't help it so he just said he was sorry he made me feel condescended to and that was enough for me), accidentally making me feel alienated (I explained to him why I felt that way (bi guy jason not telling me things, them obviously being closer with each other than they were with me, that time they took off in my car for two hours without me) and it deemed like he genuinely felt bad about how alone that made me feel), and he said he was sorry after I explained that I always felt like shit about myself and like such an awful person after we hang out and how I didn't know what I was doing wrong to make them all not like me because I was really trying etc. but he did seem surprised that I picked up on the fact that they didn't like me which leads back to the whole condescension and him thinking I'm stupid thing. like you guys were not fucking subtle.

the things he did Not apologize for when I brought them up: saying he felt like he didn't know much about me but never actually asking about me (I explained how he never asked about me and when I talked about myself he seemed disinterested and he said "I'm not the type of person who makes bullet points when I talk to somebody" like okay fuck you. he also said some bs about how he just prefers to let the conversation flow naturally and how he doesn't like to ask questions. like okay then how are people supposed to know you actually want to talk to them?), being upset with me for never hanging out outside of bachelorette nights when He never asked Me to hang out outside of bachelorette nights (he was just like "yeah I should have reached out and not put that all on you" but he didn't actually say the words "im sorry" or seem to see what was wrong with that so im not counting it👎)

I didn't bring up sarah suitemate that much bc whatever the fuck her and I have going on is simply not his business also it's too complicated for any man let alone one with the brain the size of a pea to understand so I figured why bother. but I did bring up bi guy jason (who bi guy 2 insists never had a crush on me btw. which. if that's true all that worrying myself literally sick was for NOTHING!!!) and I asked if it would be worth it for me to reach out to him to try and get some closure there and he was like "ummm no I don't think that's a good idea. I think he's pretty much already done with you and wants to quietly lay this friendship to rest" like okay. well I'll go fuck myself then. because for the record bi guy jason was always Way worse to me than bi guy 2. so honestly he can kill himself.

it's worth it to note I did a lot of clarifying and apologizing in this conversation to make sure he didn't think I like. hated him or something. and like no matter what I say I really Don't hate him I just think he's a dick and a shitty friend.

I wish I had asked why he was doing so bad he couldn't respond to my text but I forgot and that's all over now.

but yes! the conclusion! as previously stated we kind of agreed to just like. not be friends but be cool with each other. which is the idea end outcome. I just didn't want to have to do any of that awkward pretending I didn't see him while walking on campus bullshit. and I think we're at a point where we can just say hi and appreciate the lols we had while this lasted.

#I did all of this in my little boys camo t shirt with bugs on it and a ten pound tote bag I'm braver than the troops fr #carmen.txt

[jovalencia]

hey do you guys remember a couple months ago when I followed every single actor from the tv show limitless that I could find on instagram and one of them requested to follow me. yeah well another actor requested to follow me back. and this time it’s the actor who played the young version of the main character not some guy who built bombs in one episode. this is so huge for me.

#if I had a nickel for every time a limitless actor followed me…. #carmen.txt

[jovalencia]

okay desk restoration day 2 time to bust out the sander🫡

#eek! #carmen.txt

[jovalencia]

yeah I'm gonna be annoying and post pics from my birthday sue me

stalker pics my mom took of me hunting for rocks at the river

laughing at some bullshit while my mom and sister sing me happy birthday (probably the fact that two people and two people only were singing happy birthday) with my fuckass candles bc we refuse to buy anymore number candles and we're using that peace sign we've had since like my 9th birthday as a zero. and it's being blown away in the second pic

my mom got me camo pants and I was already wearing my camo shirt so I just look kinda ridiculous but I'm slaying. the last pic is my favorite my mom said "it's so funny it looks like wendi's in a tree"

#this is my blog it's about ME #carmen.txt

[jovalencia]

okay yeah so it's bad

#me fighting the urge to overshare right now. eye twitching emoji. #carmen.txt

[jovalencia]

sometimes you end up so far out of your circle that you find people shipping the robot from undertale and johnny depp willy wonka

life is crazy!

#bold thing to ship but who am I to judge #carmen.txt

[jovalencia]

yall seeing this????

#changed my whole life #carmen.txt

[jovalencia]

how often did women in 200X go😋😛😝😜🤪

also bonus of me taking a tumble off the same thing that ripped my pants

#BEHOLD #retaken photos featuring the pants rip #carmen.txt

[jovalencia]

songs that not only justify being ten and a half minutes long but are so good that you can’t imagine them being any shorter

#nina went Insane with this one #carmen.txt #Spotify

[jovalencia]

this might be the only youtube video ever I wanna be a drink girl in vegas with my best friend having a religious experience at the michael jackson show and crying in an outback steakhouse

#carmen.txt #Youtube